#I feel like I've been doing better?? or at least I'm convincing myself I am hdbfhdhs

[obessivedork]

Was.... that supposed to be the end of FO4? 😐 Like once you've blown up the Institute you get this random nostalgic slideshow that has nothing to do with ANYTHING and that's it? You beat the game! Good for you! But we'll place you back into the world to keep playing I fucking guess? What's going to happen to your friends and The Commonwealth with all the decisions you made?😐 Don't ask us! Not like we're going to make an RPG with the infamous RPG IP, that would be silly!

[fuwaprince]

👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥

It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $

I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry

Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered

There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)

I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent

All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂

I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can

So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live

I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid

Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends

I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*

Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!

And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For Not Budging On A Potentially Unconventional Need?

I (M20+) have BPD and Autism, and when I was younger, they'd both team up to cause me a lot of struggle.

One of the biggest things I used to do was self isolate when I was upset or worried, and just sit around after throwing out some red flags, hoping someone would read my mind and ask me if I was alright.

OBVIOUSLY THAT WASN'T VERY HEALTHY, neither for myself or for others. I definitely think that was an "ESH" time period.

So now that I'm older, in therapy, taking meds, and generally doing better and am a lot happier, I put clear communication as my #1 priority in all of my relationships.

I don't phrase anything in a way that sounds confrontational, I don't tell people what they can or can't do, who they can or can't talk with, don't get jealous too easily, etc. I only ask for honesty, compromise, and mutual respect for boundaries.

I really thought I was doing well for myself by swapping "I won't communicate at all" out for "I need to communicate often"

But one thing that I just can't seem to stop is the paranoia when it comes to people I'm particularly close and very vulnerable with; I'll notice certain changes in their demeanor and worry it's because I've done something wrong, or that they don't like me as much anymore. Sometimes I CAN brush it off and wait it out until I'm inadvertently proven otherwise.

But if it's not going away, and I'm worried it's just getting worse, I need to just ask for their honest thoughts and get it over with. If for some reason they were actually upset, my intention would NOT be to double down or lash out. I just DON'T want to be strung along by a lie, as has happened!

This isn't really that common of an occurrence either. Maybe every few weeks during particularly hard periods.

I don't feel this way about people I'm not very close to, and people who do manage to get very close to me know this about me; I keep no secrets about my mental health and try to be extremely upfront. A lot of people will say at first that they understand, but over time, I'll eventually get that flack and heartache from them, saying that it's just too exhausting for them. At best, I'm kinda teased for it. It's made me feel like I haven't made as much progress in my recovery as I thought I had, which sucks.

It's not me starting arguments or fights, or accusing them of anything. Just me saying "Hey, I've been feeling a little paranoia lately, is everything okay between us? Is there anything we should talk about?" or something like that.

I'm really conflicted about it.

On one hand, I feel like if things are okay, it shouldn't be difficult or tiring to say "Nope, everything's alright, dw!" If you still like me in a certain way, why would it be tiring to just say so? It takes maybe five seconds to type/say. The only way I can see it being tiring is if they were just telling me white lies about how they felt, and had to maintain the act.

On the other hand, I know BPD isn't without its delusions, and that Autism isn't without its "misunderstanding of social norms". I know I'm likely to see things differently from others. I know it's not exactly EASY to love someone like me. Maybe it IS too much of a demand, and I've just convinced myself it's not?

This IS something I'm trying to work through in therapy regardless, but I just worry that it isn't a symptom that will ever fully go away, and instead it needs to be worked with.

Am I the asshole for standing by that, at LEAST for now? Is it fair? Or is that too much of a need for people to reasonably accommodate? Am I just not trying hard enough to be better?

If I ever got particularly close to someone again, would I be an asshole for again insisting that if I need reassurance to dismiss an oncoming spiral, they should be able to meet that need instead of asking that I keep the paranoia to myself and just deal with it on my own? Which may or may not work, or even make things worse.

I know it can make people feel like I don't trust them. That much I do understand! But I've tried telling them that it's not that I don't trust or respect them, I don't trust or respect myself. I dunno if that makes sense to anyone without BPD, though.

This is both a "Was I the asshole?" and a "Would I be the asshole?" ask I guess, lol

[skzdreamer13]

Solace Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Savior Hyunjin Apocalypse AU. Pairing: Hyunjin x OC (Sarah)

Trigger Warning: Talks of suicide.

I used to love solitude. The quiet. The peace it brings. I could sit alone in silence forever. That's how I used to feel. But when the option to be surrounded by people and sound is completely removed, I now resent the solitude I once craved.

I can’t choose to find some fake excuse as to why I don’t want to go out for a drink with friends. No pretending I have better things to do, when in reality we all knew I didn’t.

I’ve never wished for company before. Not even to talk, just someone else's presence. Someone alive at least, someone conscious and understanding. I spent my whole life wishing to be alone, and now that I am, company doesn’t sound so bad at the end of the world.

The view on the bridge is beautiful, the sun low. It should be setting soon. I’ve been coming here everyday that I could for the last 8 months, after everything fell and the world went to shit. 

But I think I’m finally ready.

I slowly climb up on top of the railing, hugging the cold metal pillar as the wind blows lightly through my mousy brown hair, pushing it into my face. Looking down, the water used to be mostly clear, but has now turned this muddy brownish green color. I used to love this bridge, what a fitting place for me to go.

“So you’re just going to jump?” 

A voice. Not a grunt or a groan or growl from the creatures that have taken my loved ones and many others away from them. I don’t turn around. This can’t be real.

“I know the world has gone to shit but you shouldn’t do this.” The voice says. Gentle, understanding in his tone. I must really be losing it for my subconscious to make me hear things to go back on this decision.

I sway a bit with the wind, my grip lightening on the pillar. I hear a shuffle behind me on the pavement. I should do this before it’s too late.

“Please!” it’s breathy almost like a loud whisper. Like my subconscious knows not to yell, to refrain from grabbing the attention of anything that could be lurking on this bridge with me.

“Don’t do this.” He sounds as desperate as I feel. Might as well indulge myself.

“Why? What else is there to stick around for? A cure? Someone to come save me? No one is coming. So I’m gonna do myself a favor and take myself out of the equation before I get taken out by something else. I wanna still be me when I go.” I say it harshly, still not turning around. If there were people around I would worry about looking crazy. But there aren’t.

Then I feel it. Warmth. This is real. He climbs up onto the railing next to me, his arm behind me to grab onto the pillar I'm wrapped around, to steady himself. I finally look up.

He’s tall. Black hair, and brown eyes that shine like honey in the setting sun. and beauty mark under his left eye. 

“Well then I’m not letting you do this alone.” he shocks me to my core. He’s a stranger, and he’s gonna throw away his life on a whim? 

“No. You need to go, the sun is setting. Take my bag, there's food, water and other supplies.” if he was smart he’d leave, save himself. Once it’s dark out there's no telling how chaotic they’ll be tonight.

He shakes his head, black hair shaking with the movement, falling lightly into his eyes.

“You think I want to go through this either? This world? And alone at that?” He’s been alone too? I mean why am I surprised. If I've been alone all this time I’m sure others would be, I just kind of convinced myself there was no one left.

He continues to talk, “No thank you. So, if you insist on jumping, be my guest, but you’re gonna have some company. Or we can walk off this bridge and find some shelter for the night.” 

He startles me, his hand on my cheek wiping tears I didn’t know I had been shedding. His touch is gentle and warm, alive. I take a deep breath, looking into his eyes. I haven’t seen eyes like his in so long, eyes with life and fear and affection.

I nod and we carefully come down off of the railing. I pick up my bag, I had thrown it next to an abandoned car, and we start walking. It’s silent for a moment.

“Why?” I finally ask. He doesn’t turn to look at me.

“Why not?” He says it like he’s trying to make me laugh. Then sighs.

“I’ve been alone too. Maybe I did it because I’m selfish… Maybe I also did it because we can be alone together.”

We continue to walk in silence. It’s comfortable, like all this weight on my chest has been lifted off and I can breathe.

“I’m Hyunjin, by the way.”

Chapter 2

Masterlist

This is my first time writing on here and I hope you guys like it. I am going to start a tag list because I was asked to so just let me know if you'd like to be added to that. Hope You Enjoy :) ~ Cecilia 🧡

Tag List: @intrikatie @zennnnny @hannamoon143 @crustless-toast

[icedroppedinparasolcider]

Thoughts on ena? Feel free to yap as much as you did in three shizuku one!

so, fun fact about me! i was an ena oshi from like. On This Blank Canvas, I Paint ensekai release to about Say Goodbye to Masked Me jpsekai release, when kanade took the crown (it's since ended up in airi's hands, if not obvious). so i have an absolute ton of stuff i could say about ena and figuring out where to even begin is always the hardest part of all of this. i won't even give myself a direction here i'm just gonna stream of consciousness this.

shinonome ena was probably the first character i got genuinely attached to among the cast, and while most of my thoughts and attention have strayed to other characters, she still remains someone i get incredibly insane about (frankly the entire cast does this to me, but ena is one of the highlight characters of this). and a lot of it comes from my reading of On This Blank Canvas, I Paint when it released on ensekai, because that event not only changed ena for me, but how i view the entire game and its story. that event changed my brain chemistry and nothing deserves the claim more than it.

prior to that event, i looked at ena like i do most "mean" characters, with a sort of dismissive attitude due to generally not being a fan of the archetype and the way many pieces of media write them (other fandoms i was part of before prsk largely ruined it for me). but that event, and ena herself completely changed my entire perspective on the character archetype as a whole, and while i still wouldn't say it's my favourite, i am far from dismissive of the character type and many of my favourites from other medias exist within it because i'm actually paying attention to why they're like this. On This Blank Canvas, I Paint was my first exposure to the why, and i've never been able to look away since.

while there's arguments to be made of this factor for every person in it, i personally stand at the opinion that ena is the representation of everything the solid heart class stands for. akito is really close, and he's in contention, but i'll get more into akito later on because there's so much i need to say about their relationship, their parallels, the roles they have in each other's lives and the reflection of these roles onto the people around them. but with solid heart in general, i think that ena exists as an epitome of everything they are, and the fact everyone except ena in-world is able to recognise that only further pushes my point. because unlike akito, ena believes herself a coward on top of being inadequate. she doesn't recognise the strength it requires to keep pushing forward through all this pain, she thinks herself weak for even experiencing it at all. while akito believes himself (at least up to BURN MY SOUL) inferior to his peers, there's not really a moment where he looks at himself as weak for struggling. he simply pushes forward, and Find a Way Out and BURN MY SOUL is the recognition that that is what gives him his power. ena doesn't even consider that possibility until Knowing the Unseen, when she learns about what her father went through.

solid heart is defined by its determination and unflinching will to improve and chase their dreams no matter who or what gets in their way. shiho continuing to practice and search for a band after convincing herself she's better off solo; airi's constant drive to be a better idol and reach the heights she set for herself; akito's refusal to back down from the unbreakable wall of rad weekend despite the entire town telling him he can't do it; nene's constant push through her story to be an actress worthy of the dreams she has. ena is just part of this, chasing the dream that is her art and the desire to garner a following from it, make a career out of it like her father has. she doesn't attach her name to the works of 25ji because she doesn't want its popularity to be the reason her artwork succeeds, she wants the effort and beauty she captures on the canvas to speak for itself. everyone in solid heart carries that wish, for their work to speak for itself, to not take shortcuts on the path to their dreams. most of them aren't offered many opportunities for it to happen, it's really just shiho and ena who have that chance; shiho with the entire event of Resonate with You and ena's combination of being the daughter of a famous artist and the illustrator for a growing musical group. but both of them turn down those short-cuts in the end, because it wouldn't be their dream as they wish it. shiho wouldn't be standing by the sides of those they made that promise with, and ena wouldn't feel like the success is actually hers at all, but rather the success of whatever name she's leaning on.

you can actually see this part of ena in a scene unrelated to her artwork, in Someday, This Wish will Transcend the Morning Sky. when mafuyu gets a call from her mother and ena decides to take over the conversation, there's a moment in it where ena thinks how she'd rather not bring him into the equation right before mentioning her father's name. she doesn't want to be associated with him, for any reason; both because of her problems with shin'ei as a person and her reservations with using the benefits she has through nepotism. she's fully aware she has that advantage, and does whatever she can to separate herself from her father to avoid having it. because it wouldn't feel like it's actually her success. it would feel like her father's success rubbing off on her.

yet, to bring this back to solid heart, despite the struggle she's facing to make a name for herself as an artist and the immense pain she faces trying to improve herself as an artist and a person, she doesn't quit. she nearly has, plenty of times; it's mentioned several times in early stories how often akito would have to step in to stop ena from throwing away and/or breaking all her art supplies and tools during her fits of anger, because he understands how important this venture is to her. he's solid heart too, his equivalent is the music he makes and performs in vivid street. he knows, firsthand, how precious the passion she has for art is, because he's been given that same drive and purpose for a different artform. ena didn't let him give up when he quit soccer, so he won't let her give up. however he can manage to do that.

there's a specifc moment in the stories of solid heart where you can see the moment they decided that giving up and backing away simply isn't an option anymore. shiho is a slight exception to this rule; there was never a moment in their story where they felt they should give up on their dream to become a professional bassist in a band, not once did they ever stop chasing that dream, for even a moment. shiho's shifts were always about how they chase that dream, with Resonate with You being the decision to not leave leo/need's side, and Don't lose faith! being the change of heart to stop holding back for the sake of the band, to let them catch up by knowing what to chase. but for airi, this happened in the more more jump main story; the recognition of minori's potential as an idol because of her refusal to simply give up, mixed with the mistake of her lashing out at shizuku when she shares the news that she'll be quitting her idol work, kicks airi back to a point of realisation of just how important to her being an idol is, and that she can't afford to just leave it behind. for akito, this happens during rad weekend; after having abandoned sports due to believing he's not dedicated enough, and ena introducing him to the world of music at the summer festival, his entire body and purpose is lit up by the emotional weight of rad weekend, giving him something to strive for and a reason to endure the constant loss that will come with chasing that dream. for nene, pieces of this occur in the wxs main story, but she's truly pushed into the unrelenting determination of solid heart with On a Holy Night, with This Singing Voice and the recognition of her potential from sakurako managing to grab at her competitive spirit and give her something to fight for; something brought to an extreme with The Canary Sings in a Quagmire as nene pushes herself harder than ever before to break down a barrier in her skill.

for ena, this moment was On This Blank Canvas, I Paint. while she never completely gave up on art before this moment, and Insatiable Pale Colour shows how much she wants to fight for her art and gives us a taste of her willingness to keep going, it pales in comparison to the scene captured in the On This Blank Canvas, I Paint untrained ena card. that moment is the decision that completely pivots the direction of ena's entire story into what she's become in modern project sekai. the decision to not look away—to stop looking away. ena is facing her art in a way she was never willing to before, a way she depicted herself in the art piece being critiqued avoiding. the ena of the past would've run away after hearing the harsh words yukihira had to say. we see, in the event, what happened the last time yukihira was harsh about ena's work: she completely broke down and it was the final straw to the shattering of her fragile self-esteem. but during the return to her art classes, which itself is a monumental step due to the pain attached to them, ena made the decision to stop running away. to take whatever yukihira had to say about her art and make it matter, make it have an impact on her growth as an artist. so she sits there, all the memories of the suffering she's gone through fresh on her mind and burning into her, and takes in the criticism. she doesn't fight back like she always had with 25ji, she doesn't look away like she did the last time. these are her failures, and she needs to take responsibility for them. because that's the only way to fix them.

On This Blank Canvas, I Paint also gives us a lot of insight into ena's relationship with shin'ei. not necessarily as much as Insatiable Pale Colour does, since that's a proper introduction to and exploration of their dynamic as both father and daughter and from artist to artist, but On This Blank Canvas, I Paint gives us the invaluable context around the moment that broke their relationship. how much ena had been going through already, how excited she was to continue chasing art, the way shin'ei completely shot her down from the high of being praised by yukihira—something we learn in that event is exceptionally rare—and the actions the next day of yukihira unintentionally confirming for ena everything shin'ei said. that, as she was then, she would never survive or succeed as an artist.

something i don't see really any recognition or mention of is just how much of a part yukihira had to play in ena's collapsed mental health. he was the one to convince her that she could make it by giving her praise, something that ena has always been attached and attracted to because of the lifelong emotional neglect of shin'ei. her receiving that praise from someone she looked up to as a professional and understood that the praise itself is a rarity from him resulted in a complete overblowing of ena's ego, the instant belief that she has what it takes and would be able to make it into and survive art schools with ease. that bubble is popped by shin'ei's words, the outright disapproval of her dream and doubt in her ability to chase that dream (at least, that's how ena takes it; we learn later on that isn't what shin'ei intended to happen). then, the following day, during a very fragile moment where she's reliant on the approval of a professional, yukihira continues to tear ena down with the statement that she'd never make it as an artist if all she looks for is praise. an echoed, if more specific, sentiment to shin'ei's own words. it breaks her. ena would probably be in a much better mental state, though still fragile, were it just shin'ei that knocked her down. but yukihira kicked her while she was down. and that proved to be too much.

i understand why yukihira gets less attention from the fandom, since ena's own story has a stronger focus on what shin'ei did to her than what yukihira did, and what shin'ei did is ultimately the one ena's mind has attached to as evident by the constant flashes to his words in her earlier stories and the entire nightmare sequence of And Now, This Ribbon is Tied, which i can hardly blame her for finding shin'ei's actions more damaging. despite the evidently bad parenting shin'ei has done for either shinonome, even before The SceneTM (akito had it is in his mind that success is impossible without talent even before finding music, and there's a lot of little details across side-stories that imply shin'ei has never been the most attentive father: my favourite of which being ena pushing him into a lake during a camping trip because he wasn't paying enough attention to her. the shinonomes appear to be really bad at communicating and even processing their own feelings, even before the moment ena and shin'ei's relationship fully collapsed, and i think a lot of it comes down to shin'ei being a neglectful and borderline absent father for both of them), ena clearly trusted and believed in shin'ei opinions as both her father and a professional artist by the way she used to study his work to improve her own, the way she went to him for advice on what art school to pick. shin'ei's action was ultimately a betrayal of all of that trust, and i personally believe their relationship is impossible to mend after that, at least to a degree that the shinonome household will be a safe space for either child again (unfortunately, i'm speaking from experience).

i had more to say and if it comes back to me i might reblog with even more yapping but i've completely lost my train of thought due to being distracted and cannot bring it back for the life of me. so i'm just posting this now. have fun ena fans

[666writingcafe]

A Surprise Visit

Author's Note: This is the official start of my season three rewrite. To quickly recap how I ended season two, MC basically convinces Solomon to live with them in their home instead of the two of them going their separate ways. That's number one. Number two is I'm axing the whole babysitter gig setup, because I feel like it's a bit unnecessary (and weird).

So, without further ado, the first part of lesson 41 is under the cut.

MC

Solomon looks over my shoulder and examines the potion I prepared in the cauldron.

"Nicely done," he remarks. "Just the right shade of blue."

"Thanks," I reply, quickly glancing up at him.

"You know, you've done a nice job keeping up with everything I've taught you. You're certainly one of my better apprentices." I chuckle.

"I mean, I would like to not destroy my home."

"Or any surrounding ones." I turn my full attention to him, confused as to why he would say that. He merely shrugs as he adds,

"It's happened before."

"I see." Should I be worried?

"Anyway, you almost have the fundamentals down. Pretty soon, you'll be able to get your Sorcerer's License, and I can begin teaching you summoning magic."

"I'm sure the brothers would appreciate that."

"Oh, probably. They like you alright." His smirk indicates that he wants to start bantering with me. He does it on a daily basis, and I've gotten pretty good at coming up with good responses on the fly.

Suddenly, someone knocks on my door.

"I'll get it," Solomon states, patting me on the shoulder and kissing me on the temple before leaving the room. I take the opportunity to begin pouring my potion--a serum that causes people to change size--into the bottles Solomon set up in front of me.

Just as I finish filling the first bottle, Solomon returns.

"It would seem as though the brothers got tired of waiting," he tells me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, setting the cauldron down.

"Surprise!" Asmo pops his head in the room and waves excitedly at me.

At least, I think it's Asmo. His hair's a lot longer than usual, and his choice of makeup makes him look rather feminine.

As he steps into full view and reveals his outfit--a spaghetti tanktop, a denim miniskirt that barely covers his crotch, and strappy high heels--I realize that he's in drag. And it looks good.

Has he done this before?

"You alright, MC?" Solomon asks, walking over and touching my shoulder.

"I'm sure they are," Asmo answers before I can open my mouth. "They're just in awe of my beauty."

"Just the same as always," Solomon quips, causing Asmo to stick his tongue out at him.

"What are you doing here?" The question comes out a lot more quietly than I was expecting. Maybe it's because I can't stop staring at Asmo. For once, he's right; I am in awe.

"Here in your home, or here in the human world?"

"B-Both, I guess." Asmo clasps his hands together.

"Well, after you left, Diavolo started making plans for us to come visit you in the human world. He and Lucifer bought a property nearby, and we've been working on making it our own for a few months. We just finished last week." He briefly pauses. "I've actually been sent to pick you up and take you over there. That is, if that's alright with your teacher over there." He smiles at Solomon, who nods his head.

"I think we've reached a good stopping point for today," he replies, glancing over at me.

"Great! I'll help you pack." Huh?

"Asmo!" I call out before he can go too far.

"Yes, MC?" He bats his eyes at me, and I have to force myself to focus.

"As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm, I can't spend the night. I have to work tomorrow." Asmo stares at me blankly. "You know...the job that helps me pay my bills?"

"Oh right! You don't have to worry about that for a while." That can't mean what I think it means.

"Asmo...what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. It was all Diavolo." He didn't...

"MC isn't like you guys," Solomon pipes up. "They rely on their job to make ends meet. It's not like they can just leave at will." This makes Asmo widen his eyes.

"No, no, no! It's not like that at all!" he exclaims. "MC, you still have your job. Diavolo just arranged for you to be on vacation until we returned to the Devildom." He walks over and clasps my hands. "I am so sorry for worrying you like that, MC." I sigh.

"That only covers part of it. What about--"

"Check your bank account."

"What?"

"I got it," Solomon states, leaving the room and returning with my laptop. Once he pulls up my online account, he shows the screen to me, revealing...

"Is that four zeros?"

"It appears so, yes." He clicks on the checking account to view transaction details. "It looks like Diavolo's been transferring money to your account. At least, I assume that's who 'David Prince' is." Asmo nods his head.

"We thought it best to adopt human alias while we were here." Well, that explains the drag. "I decided to go with Azzy."

"The name suits you," I tell him, still staring at the screen.

I can't believe that Diavolo went out of his way to do something like this for me. It's not like I've ever expected him to provide for me or anything.

"So, am I good to start packing?" Asmo asks.

"Sure." I make sure to follow him as he enters my room. If I leave him unsupervised, there's no telling what he'd do in there.

[exvangelical-christian-nerd]

TW Religion

Look I understand why religious people take offense to Good Omens, the Hellaverse, and that type of media (I've made posts on this before, about how the church kinda made their own bed, and I stand by that). I'm religious. I'm a practicing Christian. There are things in the shows that bother me a bit at times. There are parts of the fandom that I think go too far, but that happens in every single fandom. I think many of us who've been in any fandom for a bit can think of an example where someone just took something way to far. I mean there are multiple stories out there, to the point you sometimes see jokes about it, where someone went from fan to felon pretty dang quick. Or cases where a group of fans got more than a bit culty. The difference with the Hellaverse specifically, is, I believe, that if you take it to far you can start messing with very real demons, who are not the same as the ones in the show, and I don't want to touch that.

Now all that said, the fact that I am religious is a key contributor in why I love this kinda of media, and why I gravitate to it. I like things that bother me, at least things that bother me theologically. I really like things that make me question my faith, or components of it. Also, if I haven't made this crystal clear, the church has caused me a great deal of pain, and continues to do so. I have a lot of religious trauma to work through, and it can be really hard, because I often feel really alone. Most people with religious trauma leave the religion in question. I'm still here. I have to grapple, almost daily, with separating my hurt from my faith, and separating what I was taught from what I actually believe. I'm exvangelical, but I'm still a church going, bible believing Christian, and y'all that's a special kind of hell. It hurts, a lot. Sometimes to the point where it makes me physically ill. People I love and respect, continue to say things knowingly or unknowingly that cut like a knife. And How many times can you get stabbed? How long? How long must I hurt?

These shows help me process. They help me look at things from another perspective and go "do I believe that? And if I do, why?" Also sometimes they call me out, and that's never fun... but it can be important. But one of the big ones is that it gives me a chance to process my hurt with the symbolism of my childhood. It's healing.

I latched onto Emily, because I see myself in her. I see someone who believed, and had the rug pulled out from under them. I see someone, who still believes, but feels betrayed. Someone who now has to confront and question, because "if this was a lie what else is?" And "I trusted this person and this is what they did?" And possibly worst of all, "I helped enable this. I allowed this to happen. I might not have known, but I still helped. What have I done?" I know those feelings. I live them every single day.

I understand Aziraphale's choice to go running back to heaven (whether I like that choice or not, and I don't). It looked like they would accept him as he was, even accept those he loves. He sees an opportunity to change things for the better, in this system he knows, and cares about even. It's not going to go well. We know it's not, and I think even Aziraphale knows that, but that need to believe it can change, that you change it, yeah I get it. I really do.

I understand Sera's desperation to protect. I remember feeling St. Peter's aversion. The desperate bargaining we've seen from the cherubs trying to convince themselves what they're doing is right, or at least not wrong, I've done it. I see myself in Vaggie, trying to mend the damage she did. I was an armored gay. I know I too caused harm. Lucifer's abandonment issues and desire to just leave it all behind him or try to. It's all to real. And Crowley's disillusionment with everything? His belief that he is "on his own side", because where else could he possibly go? Yeah I get that too.

And I could go on

And on

And on

[bomberqueen17]

what is up froods

lol i keep forgetting to like. actually write updates in my personal journal. i'm using this tumblr too much like a tumblr.

i went down a rabbit hole the other night in that i just opened my own archives and went back to 2013 and then realized i started this in 2011. i didn't say a lot, back then i definitely was still using my LJ for Big Personal Updates and Tumblr was exclusively for snappy shitposts, and then I abandoned the LJ and only blogged in snappy shitposts for a while, and I did some vagueblogging that I genuinely have no idea what it was about, and that's fun.

But there's some. Boy there's some real fossils in there. God everything stays the same but everything happens so much.

I know I've backed up this blog but IDK how much you can make it make sense, offline. Anyway. That's how it goes. I'm not in any kind of existential panic about the site I'm just reacting to the zeigeist here, it made me think of old times.

I go back to the farm in a couple of weeks-- just for a couple of weeks, but the Season is Starting. My physical therapist keeps giving me more exercises. She's right, my core strength is wretched, but when I said I'd tried to do crunches now and then, tried to stay a tiny bit fit but-- she was like omg no you can't do crunches, with that hip cartilage as it is, so I felt a little better. So she's teaching me what I *can* do, and the important thing is that she's like you cannot do this more than every other day or three times a week, you cannot rush this kind of thing, and it's wonderful advice contrary to all the other advice I've ever had in my life which was like every moment you're not doing more work you're being a lazy shit. So, that's nice. I'll cut because nothing else here is going to be interesting.

I'm not the youngest person at physical therapy but there's a lot of old people there. I haven't been masking, I've been being lazy and just using xylitol nose spray before I go, and it's been fine, but I know that's just luck. (I see no one but Dude, who sees almost no one but me, so the consequences of fucking up would be minor.) with a trip to the farm coming up, I'm going to go back to masking, at least in the lead-up to the trip-- because last time I had COVID I had almost no symptoms, and nowadays apparently the rapid tests aren't super useful. The way I'm coping is, I know, a logical fallacy-- since COVID wasn't bad the one time I had it, I'm just telling myself I'm resistant naturally and it won't hurt me, and I know this is not the truth at all but it helps me cope-- but I cannot stand the thought of spreading it to someone who would be more hurt by it, so I have convinced myself not to fear catching it but to fear spreading it. I figure it's effectively the same and lets me not just be fucking terrified all the time.

I also discovered that a former employee of the farm who's out here going to college is interested in carpooling, and we've already got a tentative date for him to ride back with me on my way back from the farm at the end of March, and this has lightened my spirits a great deal. It's such a long drive and it feels like such a waste of gas, and he does have a car but it's not actually that safe to drive on the Thruway. (He swears up and down it's perfectly safe but just not at sustained speeds over 60. I was like omg kid do NOT, I will drive, my car is brand fkn new. He's taking the train home and will ride back with me.)

Let's see. Oh I don't think I've kept up with posting about the kitchen painting. It's down to the last tiny fiddly details, and what I've got to do is do a half-stencil in the corner above the door, and I did one half yesterday and will finish the rest today. I had to custom cut out a copy of part of the stencil to make it work, and it's sort of janky and I am going to have to hand-paint it with a lot of masking tape, but it's such a small area that like, why not, I can be that fussy. It's fine.

Once I finish that, which if I do part in the morning and part in the afternoon I can do today, then I can FINALLY CLEAN UP AND PUT AWAY all the painting detritus. I can't tell you how excited I am to do that.

I've also been doing fabric dyeing, finally. I collected several of the muslin garments I'd finished and meant to do something with, and got out my dyes. I did a batch of ice dye solely because I forgot which ones I'd intended to use for that; now I have a pair of slightly ill-fitting homemade leggings that look like a clown threw up on them, and a cheerful sweatshirt to match. i then used the runoff to dye the cream-colored canvas work smock-- I sort of tie-dyed it because I pasted up a little bit of two of the component colors and poured that on a couple areas that I then rubberbanded, because I wanted tie-dye but did not want any white areas left. So it's a blue/purple/red smock now, and the rainbow stitching I constructed it with was polyester so it's still rainbow, huzzah. Subtle and understated and also I can smear it with filth and maybe it will still look intentional.

[image description: a canvas work smock with big pockets, hanging to dry, mostly a mucky dark purple but with some brighter splotches of red and dark blue, and some bits of paler purple.]

[image description: assorted garments draped over drying racks in a sunporch, in blotchy shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, all kind of run together but not murky.]

And then I did another batch of ice dye, this time with the dyes I had bought that are supposed to work well for this because they split. That dress is still in the wash so I don't have pictures of how it turned out, but mostly it just looks splotchy green. LOL oh well. The point was, I made all these test garments in undyed fabric, but I don't have a lifestyle where I can wear a white dress, so now I have some non-white dresses I don't have to be precious about. Some of them I should now probably hem and like actually finish..........

I have one dress and one shirt left, and a pair of light-wash jeans I don't like wearing, and I'm thinking about trying like. Ombre or something. We'll see if I get around to that.

My sewing area is still a fuckin disaster and I don't want to think about it. But I'm cutting out a vest from scrap denim, I want a quilted abrasion-resistant washable work vest for farm work next week and I gotta get a move on. All I need now is to cut out the batting and get to it. So hopefully today.

I took photos, I might try writing up how-tos on the dyeing and on the repurposed denim stuff, but I also might not. If I was doing this again I would probably not bother with the ice, for the rainbow one. We'll see once the properly ice dyed dress comes out of this wash, I can hear the washer spinning but I'm trapped under Chita at the moment.

I missed this week's fic update because I'm progressing so slowly on both current active WIPs. I have a bunch written ahead in both, but each one has the back half of the current chapter just held up waiting for me to write them; I've overcome the structural decisions that delayed me, but I have to just sit and write them. And both of them are complicated scenes I've been waiting to write a long time, so I'm looking forward to writing them, and so like, paradoxically, can't make myself do it. Because once I've done it I'll have done it, see... anyway. Silly but there it is. I'll get through it once I decide I deserve that treat. I know! I know.

[portalfaecez]

[𝙼𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 _𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝙳𝚊𝙼𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐_𝚂𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎_]

𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝?

>[𝚈𝙴𝚂]

[𝙽𝙾]

[𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 _𝙰𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎_𝚂𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝚁𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚘_𝚂𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚂𝚞𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚏𝚞𝚕]

Oooh- hey! I... I got something-! Hello? Can anyone hear me?

Hm, I'll take that as a no. Well, that's just sad, isn't it? Finally in range of the system and absolutely no one is here to help me. Well, actually, help is kind of a big thing to ask for, I um... Yeah no that's fine if you can't really... but uhhh, it does get awfully lonely here, in space. So, if you could maybe just stay here and talk to me for a bit? If anyone's out there...?

Who would want to talk to me anyways? After all I've done? It's alright, I get it... You- you don't have to say anything. It's not like you were much of a talker anyway, so, just keep doing what you always do. You're a great listener, by the way.

I do miss it though- Being your friend and all. You ah, get a lot of time to think up here in space... -and speaking of which, I kind of came to some sort of a realization- that you were probably the closest friend that I've ever had. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Wheatley I thought you had loads of friends!" -and you would be right! I have at least three friends, made em' all myself. But um, back to the point: you were the best of everyone, really. That's right! Waaaaay up there! The cores and the scientists... I don't know, they're all just kinda mean. Nobody has ever really treated me with so much respect besides you. Thank you. Even if I did mess everything up in the end. Hurt cores hurt other cores, that's the saying right? -Not that I'm trying to excuse anything. It's just... man.

I've thought it over about a billion times, different ways I would say and do things, things I should've said to you earlier. Hah, I really screwed it all up, haven't I? We could've just talked everything out and came to an understanding- er, well, I don't really know if you CAN talk so maybe... ASL? Could you do that? I remember a bit of it from being inside Her body- being a giant supercomputer and all-

[𝙱𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙻𝚘𝚠]

WH- Whoa! Um, wow, that's um... That's- that's really bad isn't it? Haven't got much time left... It seems... hah...

I know I've already apologized, but I feel like you deserve a better one. The um, the last one was kind of a stand-in for the better one I was planning to give you in person. It's um... A little funny now that I won't be able to. Now that I really think about it, I was probably never gonna get the chance to see you again regardless. But I already knew that, didn't I? I guess I just do this thing where I daydream about seeing you again so much that I convince myself it'll happen. Do you humans ever do that? Think about something so much you're positive that it's happened? It uh, might just be a side effect of space.

[3% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

GHRAGH! Hold on a minute, let me get my bearings. That was... Strange. Everything's all blurry now. I can't... I can't really see anything. Um... God, how do I start this?

Chell. I'm sorry. I really, truly am sorry. I freaked out, I did! I stabbed ya' in the back, after everything you did to try to help us escape. I feel... Rotten. I do. I feel like the scum of the earth, if I'm being honest. Well, scum of space if you want to get technical with it- point is, you didn't deserve that. After all the nice things you did for me, given the fact that uh, you have arms I don't, I really should have been more grateful. If there was anything that I could say or do to make it right, I would in an instant. That's a promise. You deserved a better friend, and I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you.

[1% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

Haha... I can feel myself sort of fading away now. It's um, kind of hard to keep my eye open... There we go. Feels easier to just let it close, not like I'm missing much anyways.

...

I'm scared.

...

When my body comes falling to earth, you'll catch me this time, will you?

[ezziefox]

The Reason Why I Can't Move On in Writing + more depressing thoughts

I think I just realized why it's so hard for me to surpass three or four chapters max when I begin to write my new books, or why I always find myself taking a break and taking forever to get back to it, and when I do, the momentum that might've never been there in the first place is lost and I don't know where to pick back up in my WIP.

I recently became more and more aware of how much time I spend on social media. But that's not the big issue I'm talking about here. It's my attention span and my anxiety.

Addressing the Anxiety

There are a lot of things in my life that I get anxiety about, and it largely comes into play whenever I'm writing in my free time. As I still attend high school, I don't get much free time, but even in my free time I fret about how much time I have. Because when I write, I love to get lost in it, listening to my music and all. But, as a person who has a strong hatred for my school especially and nothing can ever fix that hatred (the pandemic ruined everything for me in that regards), every time I open Word or some other app to begin my writing, instead of thinking about getting lost in my work and getting in the moment and writing seamlessly like I did when I first discovered Wattpad back in the summer of 2020, I instead focus on how much time I have to write what I want to.

And because of this constant timer and thought in the back of my head, instead of getting lost in what I love to do, I am instead constantly fearful and anxious of my time running out before I have to go to bed to return to the very place that depresses and maddens me to my core. And I have nothing nor no one to blame but my own mental health. But I still can never find myself liking school to at least make myself feel better. I wish I could attend a different school, even in a different country. I really wish I could have a restart so that I can have an open mind and freeer mind to continue doing what I love.

And in times when I get endless time like I've never before like summer, that idea of endless time and "soon I'll be able to do what I want to do with no push or setbacks" quickly dries up and goes out the door. Especially when my trip is close to ending, all I can ever really think about is how much time I have left. I'd rather spend it procrastinating and "having fun" whilst still realizing that it will come to an end, rather than get lost in my writing and when I shut the computer and look up, it's time for all fun to end — the free paper is burned.

I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through this part without a complete mind reset and change of environment. As it goes for the mind reset part, my mind will never change. Not without a significant change in my life. And I hate that. But my mind refuses to be unstuck from the place it is in now.

As for...

Addressing My Short Attention Span

Because of the aforementioned anxiety with time I addressed, I've begun to consume my media (entertainment & procrastination) in short form so that it feels like I've gotten in so much fun in such a short time that I feel satisfied. How to explain this in simpler terms?.... Well.... I'm constantly fearful and anxious of my free time ending that I convince myself it's been longer than it's truly been by watching short-form content such as YT shorts, Instagram reels, and when I watch actual full-length videos, instead of watching completely through the video, I simply listen to it for a short while, and to get the gist of it and thoughts on it, I read through the comments while watching as little of it as I need to before I quickly lose interest and go find a different video to watch.

Tonight, as I write this to save it as a draft to post tomorrow, I've been trying to fix my attention span by sitting through some of the old content I used to watch, that being documentary-type videos. It's been going well so far. I've sat through all the videos and seldom went to the comment section. I didn't skip through any of them or anything like that. However, I did stop in the middle of one video to come and write this right now. I knew I could've waited until tomorrow, but I feared I wouldn't have been able too convey the emotions of realization that I am feeling right now as well and explain it as well as I am feeling it.

——

I'm hoping that this truly is my issue, and that once I fix my attention span, I can at least get through writing more chapters, no matter how long it takes. I'm fully aware that especially once school starts back, so will the anxiety leeching itself onto me. But anything is better than nothing, right?

Sigh.

If you're just like me, or something like it, my advice to address and sort out your attention span. And if it's within your reach and capability, your anxiety too. It's these things that hold us back from accomplishing anything in life, and writing is something we wish to accomplish, so if you can, find a way to conquer them. Do what I currently can't.

All of this deeply saddens me. I don't know where to go next, if I even want to move, or what will find its way to me next. Needless to say, I don't have much hopes for the future, but at the same time I do.

I like to tell myself I always give up, and then I realize that I never truly do and it's always f*cking with me. Sometimes I wish I would just give up, because no matter how much I want things or desperately hope that some miracle will grant certain things in my life, I always end up f-cking myself over in the end. I am mentally f-cked and tired. No matter how many breaks I get, it never seems to be enough for me.

And I always want more. I get told I already have everything. It's just so much going on in my life from family, to friends, to my own mind that just constantly fucks me over and disregards me in every way. I don't want to drop any personal information regarding the people around me, so that's all I'm gonna say about that.

You know, today I realized that it's one thing: being a kid and never truly realizing how much something or someone in your life is mentally f-cking you over, versus growing older and you're only a teen and you realize it in real time as it's happening. Earlier I wished that I could just be the former: be a kid that doesn't realize the mental gravity and toll that's being taken on me as I have no one but my cousin in my life that truly understands me and went through the same experiences as me and it's mentally f_cked her too.

[azeterna]

i vagued in the tags yesterday about simblr being stressful but it's better if i just come out and say what i mean before i get too deep into it, while i'm still basically unknown.

i'm massively masking who i am and the more i interact with the community, the harder i'd have to keep it up and i know eventually it would all come crashing down. the idea of trying to make friends while keeping up the illusion of being someone else terrifies me.

basically since my early teens i started to convince myself the world hates me if i'm the tiniest bit weird, or not like them, or i do anything they don't like. so i shut myself away from them, and i missed out on huge parts of normal people's growing up, and then i had even more to hide about myself, and i've been falling into a vicious spiral ever since.

somtimes i convince myself online communities will be different, but every time i still panic and disappear when people start to notice me. i want simblr to be different. my corner of simblr feels like the least judgemental place i've tried to join, but it's so hard to unlearn my fear of people when i've been building it up for half my life.

i'm not expecting you to fix my problems, but i'd love to have some support and confirmation that i can just be me and i don't have to care about how fucked i come across as.

i appreciate i'm still being vague about what i'm hiding (although the lack of social experience is a big part of it). opening up about that will still take time. but i hope i can at least put myself on that path and not fall deeper into the hole.

there's more

[delyth88]

X-Men rewatch 6

X-Men: Dark Phoenix. I hadn't seen this one either. That might have been a good thing.

Okay. I think filmmakers should be banned from telling this particular story ever again.

I mean I guess this wasn't awful from a general movie point of view, but from a fan and character point of it really went in to destroy, didn't it? Like, I now have an unpleasant taste in my mouth. It took what I had come to love and just broke it.

Sigh.

I can't say I wasn't warned.

But this is unlikely to get a rewatch for a looong time if ever.

Both films that have tried this storyline have sucked. Not being a comics reader I wasn't sure which parts were fundamental to the story, so going into this one was a bit like Russian roulette - which characters are going to die this time? Given I'm now a certified Charles Xavier fan I am selfishly glad it wasn't him this time, but Raven? That was totally unnecessary. (As a Loki fan I am completely allergic to killing off beloved characters for shock value and to make your new big bad look more powerful. Just stop it. Okay?)

But beyond that, what I hated the most about this was how they twisted everyone just a little too far in to the evil mirror universe. *rolls eyes*

It was rather excruciating to watch Charles talk of superheroes and later be cut off by the president. Which I can only assume was there to make sure the audience knew that the other's were right about how he was being overconfident and putting people in harms way, and... I'm not exactly sure what else. The moments where this thread worked best for me were when it was more personal conversations. (Although the kitchen scene with Hank just seemed out of almost nowhere.) Jean's conversations with Charles I thought worked better - we could see how it looked from both sides and how Charles genuinely thought he was doing the best thing for Jean. I truly thought she was going to kill him again, so it gave me hope that he go through to her in that moment.

It's a shame Raven wasn't around to have a heart to heart with Charles. I think that would have been enlightening. And Hank seemed to change so abruptly that it didn't feel convincing.

Perhaps if it had been a couple of years for me between Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix it might have seemed more natural. But coming directly after three movies that had a really strong bond between the characters to this, I really felt I was missing some backstory here.

Thinking about this I've also realised there weren't any moments in this that felt like there was as much of a connection between the characters as the first few. Each one of those had at least one knock out moment for me between Charles and Erik, and sometimes the others.

Although, I did feel the weight of the world building and the previous films when Charles tells Erik that if they fight here on the streets of New York they will have lost what they've been working for. It has been so much work to get to a world where they are not feared and hunted, and the exchange with the guard and Nightcrawler in the transport about how the guard's kid had looked up to him hit home. :( And then we watch them tear it apart. But somehow it didn't ring as true to me as the other key decision points in the previous films. I had been thinking to myself that they had had remarkably believable motivations for each of the characters for their actions, and the scale of them, up until this film. :/ I dunno. There was just something missing.

Maybe it was that the key relationship this time was between Charles and Jean, but it just was as strong as the one between him and Erik that has been the foundation for the last three films.

And now, help me out here. What actually happened at the end? Did Charles just decide to retire and leave the school? Did he just feel too guilty? Did he feel he needed to leave because he had gotten too above himself? Was he pushed out? Is he homeless now? Or did they just rename the school in Jean's honour and he's stepped away from the day to workings of it, but is still welcome there? Did Erik just offer to help him move the his island? I'm not clear. Whatever it was he clearly was unhappy about things, but I WANT TO KNOW MORE! lol

I thought it was interesting that Erik really did seem to have settled down to live a peaceful life. I appreciated how he was prepared to defend his people, and then help the authorities escape. And here again, I think it really needed to have hit home harder that Raven was dead, because it just didn't seem to work for me that he was so dead set on killing Jean.

Still, I did enjoy seeing them all working together on the train.

I did appreciate Charles eventually acknowledged he'd done the wrong thing by Jean to Hank and the others on the train, and there did seem to be some sort of redemption for him through Jean's forgiveness. But not fully, maybe only not from himself. I don't know.

I missed the light and energy of the Charles from the previous films.

I do wonder if that's part of the formula for the X-Men - the contrast between Charles and Erik. The continual hope for something better from Charles, and Erik's quest for vengeance. And when you disrupt that balance the line goes slack. Here Charles took on too much of the darkness, and there was no-one left pulling in that direction anymore.

Y'know, if Raven had been injured such that Jean thought she'd been killed but had survived and then been able to have that conflict with Charles I think that would have been more satisfying. She could have been fighting for the family she loved and the ideals they had originally set up the school on. I think to have seen her, the person who has always been sceptical of hope and seeing the good in people, going up against Charles and being the example of what he used to be before he got too carried away would have been more powerful. And then her and events bringing him back to the place he needed to be.

Maybe this was meant to be a lesson on becoming too entitled and arrogant. But the resolution sucked.

Hmmm... what else can I say.

Oh yeah. The weird aliens. I don't really want to say this, but I think they needed more screen time. lol They felt like such a side plot. Who were they? Why did they want to take over earth if they could just use the power of the pink space lights to terraform Mars or any other planet? Did the blond one have enough of the power from Jean to do that? She certainly seemed to have significant power of some sort after Jean transferred some of it. All in all they didn't spend enough time on them for me to care about them or feel any sort of sympathy towards their cause. They may as well have been a random natural phenomenon.

Oh yeah. Her Dad sure seemed to be a jerk. And again that shouldn't have felt that way to me.

So yeah. A very unsatisfying film.

[heyitschartic]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Ughhhhhhh, I took so long to reply to this, but thank you for the ask!!! I'm always happy to get the chance to talk about my stories. God, I've written so much shit that it's hard to pick, but like a kid with a scab, pick I shall.

5. Memoirs

Memoirs is just a silly little thing my girlfriend and I have been working on for the past few months about post-gm Taylor in Kennet. This story gets the number five spot not because I think it's bad, but because my beautiful girlfriend does a lot of the heavy lifting with plotting and characterization because I haven't read Pale. I'm simply there to add where I can. Lovely story, though, and I can't wait for it to reach its ending. I love stories exploring how Taylor deals with everything after it all ends, and K8 really is the queen of that genre.

4. High School Abusical

Alright, this was one of the first stories I wrote on my own that I was really proud of. This whole story spawned from a conversation with the absolute genius user Foxtail about how clusters are always so boring because people usually gen random characters that have no relation to each other when those existing relationships being twisted up into a trigger can lead to so much more fun. The main premise is that Taylor is in a cluster with the Trio. I really would like to get back to this fic someday. I had a lot of fun ideas I wanted to implement, and the way all these girls play off each other is so delightful. I was informed after the fact I got the way clusters work wrong when making the powers, which has really been the only thing holding me from continuing. I can't convince myself to write when such an integral part of the story is off. Maybe I'll redo those someday...

3. Self Implant

Self Implant, my beloved. Fun fact, this was a gift to K8 for her birthday. Bonesaw gets a person in her head, trying to take a crack at playing her conscience. Now, this might surprise some of you, but I really like Bonesaw. I love playing around with her, and this story is just an excuse to do that for one million words. Like a little bug in a jar that I'm feeding enrichment to. This story really just gets me excited. I really, really need to put some more out there, for my own sake if no one else's

2. Severed

Severed!!!!!!! A story about Taylor joining the nine and the consequences there of. Also, the only story I wrote that has the dubious honor of actually driving someone crazy in real life. This story means a lot to me. Severed was the reason that I first started talking to my girlfriend (she wrote the amazing AU of it, Soliloquy), and for that alone, it will always be near the top for me. I think this story is where I really kind of took off as a writer, started getting past a lot of the mistakes that plagued my earlier stuff. It still has tons of grammatical errors, hard to get those right when youre inebriated most of the time, but this story has a lot of my feelings wrapped up in it, a lot of myself wrapped up into it, which will always boost it towards the top.

1. Felix Fortuna

Felix Fortuna is the best story I think I've ever written, and it's not even close. A story about Contessa going to Hogwarts that was originally written because of how much I disliked what Ward decided to do with her character. I feel like you can actually see me get better in real time as the story goes on. This was a collaborative effort with three other amazing authors (Pericardium, Maroon_Sweater, and Poe), and I think it really shows with all the care put into it. It lands at number one for a lot of reasons. It's got some of the best prose of anything I've written, it's the most well constructed of my stories, I love every character from Fortuna to Flavia to Jessica and Angelique. But mostly I like it best because I, at my heart, am a massive softy. When it comes to it, more than anything, I want a story where a character I really love finally gets a happy ending.

[666writingcafe]

Meanwhile...

Mammon

I know I'm being stupid. I shouldn't be following Simeon to his room after he blew up at us in the dining car. If he's anything like Satan, I might as well start digging my grave.

But I can't leave him alone. I don't know why; it's just a gut feeling that I have. Still, my gut has never led me astray. And I'm not talking about when its judgment is clouded by greed, but during situations like this one. You know, life and death sorta things.

I take a deep breath before opening the sliding door. Simeon's back is turned to me, appearing to look out the train window.

"Hello, Mammon." His voice sounds eerily calm, like how Lucifer gets sometimes right before he begins torturing people.

I can't flee. I have to see this through.

"Dude, what happened back there? I've never seen you react like that, not even during the war."

"That is none of your concern." Simeon slightly turns his head to the right. "Tell me, why did you feel the need to bully Luke?"

"That wasn't my original intention--"

"Answer the question."

"I will, if you'll let me finish!" Silence. "Look, I believe he needs to be taught how to relax. He's way too uptight. I mean, he can't even take a little joke! The kid's a real piece of work."

"It's only a joke when everyone involved finds it amusing."

"Well, I can't help wantin' to tease him sometimes! In some ways, he kinda reminds me of myself when I was that age."

"Oh, really?" Simeon doesn't believe me.

"Seriously?! Don't you remember what I was like once upon a time?"

"A nuisance?"

"Naive, Simeon. I was that lost puppy. Cute, friendly, energetic, but incredibly oblivious to what the real world was like. I mean, isn't that why you guys are sendin' him to the Devildom and human world in the first place?" He sighs.

"Yes."

"It's almost been three years, and yet from this side of things he hasn't learned jackshit. He's still convinced that the way angels do things is the right way. He doesn't wanna even consider that he could be wrong."

"Oh, like you're doing much better," Simeon snaps.

"At least I'm doing something! You're just standing around and waiting for Luke to discover the world on his own. He needs guidance! And sometimes that means forcing him to experience new things whether he likes it or not!"

"And who are they going to blame when shit hits the fan, Mammon?" Simeon's facing me now, staring daggers into my face. "You were in charge of MC during the exchange program; what would have happened if a demon decided to have them for lunch during their first ever week in the Devildom?"

"The demon would get in trouble, obviously. But I'm not sure what this has to do with Luke--"

"Do you wanna know what else would have happened?" I'm not going to get another word in until he's done ranting, am I?

"People would have begun asking questions," Simeon quickly continues. "'Where was Mammon at the time?' 'Why didn't he stop the demon from eating MC?' And if you weren't able to come up with acceptable answers to those questions, your ass would have been on the line, because you failed to do your job.

"Oh, maybe you'd escape with a light punishment. After all, you have friends in high places that can bail you out of trouble. But what if you used up all your chances? What if protecting MC and ensuring they survived the exchange program was the one thing that would save you from a fate worse than death? What would you do then, Mammon?"

Oh my God...I knew he'd gotten demoted due to his lack of cooperation during the early stages of the war, but I didn't realize he was that close to being sent there. It's the one place in the Devildom that the Celestial Realm has control over, and it's usually reserved for the worst of the worst. The truly irredeemable.

And he's right. Being sentenced there is a fate worse than death.

"Simeon, I'm sorry. I...I didn't know." I walk over to him and tentatively hover my hand over his shoulder. He remains still, allowing me to rest my hand on there.

"Only Michael and Raphael do," he whispers. "They were the ones that offered me the guardianship over Luke. If anything happens to him, they won't show me mercy again, especially in light of them discovering that fucking notebook."

"You know Lord Diavolo would take you in." Simeon shakes his head.

"I don't want to spend the rest of my existence serving him." He pauses. "I'm sure he's a kind master, but he still rules over you guys. I want to be under my own power."

"What about MC?" The question slips out of my mouth, causing a corner of Simeon's to curve up slightly.

"That is an arrangement I'd prefer to keep between me and them."

[rielzero]

Wizard Boyfriend Energy

I'm not super confident in writing Gale yet, so I usually don't have much ideas for him when writing those lil shitposts ahha. I am still proud of my sandwhich joke though.

If I haven't mentioned it enough before, I polyship with Gale since I like bloodweave a lot <_<

Gale is kind of like ''the boyfriend of the married couple'' energy, so he's much more chill compared to how he first is in regards to relationships. Of course- in all relationships jealousy and insecurities can happen, and its the best to talk about it and voice any concerns.

I do like to imagine a lot of silliness when it comes to this dynamic, especially if the married two are immortal vampires and the boyfriend is a human wizard pff.

Weird, silly headcanon- I think Minthara ships or at least looks to Loki and Astarion as an ''ideal power couple'' and then there's Gale.. And she's just annoyed whenever she sees them all three together.

Loki: *discussing some optics with restructuring some systems to handle controlling the public opinion better*

Astarion: *listening, suggesting laws that he could bring into play*

Minthara: Hmph. They're too pacifist with these ideas..

Gale: *just existing in the room, drinking tea and reading newspaper, not participating in the ongoing discussion*

Minthara: *speaking her thoughts out loud* It's the wizard's fault.. He's too soft.

Loki: *sarcastic* I'm not sure how you think Gale's ''softness'' is ruining the Parasocial relationships we are cultivating with the voting body, but I appreciate the ''input'', Minthara.

Gale: Excuse you! My softness is a treasured and desirable quality. I'm sure it could persuade anyone to vote favorably in the right situation. *sips his tea and pouts*

Astarion: Wizards have their charms, especially when they're not about to combust at any moment.

Astarion: ...All though, a little kamikaze on the horizon would surely convince anyone to sway to the right path. Huhu..

Gale: Oof, and here I thought I was going to explode from hurt feelings. It's lousy teasing doing the job instead.

Loki: I thought we talked about this, wizards have the tendency to explode, but .. To combust is a different story.

Minthara: I don't get it. Why else is he here?

Loki: A warm body in bed. Works wonders in the winter.

Astarion: Resourceful noise, when it's too quiet to focus. It makes all troubles of the outside world melt away.

Loki: Oh yes! The entire vocabulary that flows out of his mouth. I love hearing his voice as much as he loves speaking with it.

Gale: Thank you gentlemen, I've been complimented enough for today. I've got a classroom to entertain very soon. I'll excuse myself-

Loki: Don't forget to Implore on them to keep a safe distance at all times.

Gale: You know me so well. Safety first!

Minthara: At least he knows how to use fear as a tool properly...

[bitimdrake]

Do you have fic recs by any chance? You really seem to have a lot of comics knowledge so I trust that you know what’s accurate to the source material and what’s not :)

you know I've gotten a few asks about this and I never quite manage to answer them, because I'm always convinced that I will somehow end up with a perfect and complete rec list if only I wait to reply just a little longer.

SO I'm gonna try cutting myself off at the head this time, and not giving you a prefect list by any means, but at least giving you an answer:

Here is a collection that I'm slowly forming for fics that really feel like they're actually based off comics. It is currently very small and people are welcome to bookmark to it if they find other very comics-based fics, but it's a start.

And a couple random recs as I scroll through my personal bookmarks:

Redrawing the Lines (11k) is fantastic Batman Reborn era Dick & Tim & Damian fic, and it continues as a series after.

also the second before the other shoe drops (8k) about the same trio. AU where Damian makes a murder attempt in a subtler way--but most important, is not demonized by a narrative that instead gives everyone a fair shake.

will we ever get to the other side? (5k) Dick & Tim in a very specific era where Dick's life is falling apart and filled with trauma, and Tim has just been hit with a huge smack of grief and also trauma, and neither is at their best but they're trying.

Everything by @silverwhittlingknife is ideal Dick & Tim content, and all deeply rooted in comics. I will call out:

The Return (11k), which is Dick's pov of Tim coming back to Gotham after Brucequest

only you will have stars that can laugh (9k) which is sad and loney but also sweet on Christmas

Red Letter Day (42k, wip) in which god Dick is trying his fucking best to hold it together okay. (aka everyone is kind of prickly, Dick is stressed, there's a Mysterious Wednesday of unclear importance, and I love them sm)

@flybynightwing has equally comics-based and also absolutely fascinating and compelling fics. I'll call out:

How Far Love Goes (99k) a case fic that draws in everyone in the bat family, with a tilt towards Dick (although the Steph is also fantastic), and turns into a reflection on Bruce as a parent.

goal-oriented mindset (5k) Catalina's pov, meeting Dick again well after everything went down. Subject may not be for you, but I find it SO interesting and roll it around and around in my head. (And it is of the very very rare selection of actually comics-based fics about that arc.)

It's a Wonderful Earth-218 (7k). A thoroughly depressed Dick goes to a world where he was never born, it's a wonderful life-style.

(And carrying on with various authors again:)

Hate and Love are Two Sides of the Same Coin (5k + 13k sequel) every member of his family is forced to say what they like least about Dick. The fic makes no secret of its thoroughly contrived premise and doesn't particularly care to justify it either, but still comes out with great characterization and relationship reflections.

Mikey Dies At The End (4k), outsider pov centered around Jason as the Red Hood, which is so very confident in its characterization of him and has zero considerations given to fanon and it's an excellent read.

A Meditation on Railroading (24k), a Tim-centric fic that deals heavily with his relationship with his dad. This one is not really canon at all, but it is good, and its version of the relationship is compelling.

Young Justice Visit the Suez Canal (3k) look this one is pure 90s-style Young Justice humor. We're here for a good time.

Aaand I know there are many more good fics, but I have run out of steam and I am trying so so hard to remember that some answer is better than no answer. Though I am very sorry to all my beloved writers & mutuals who have written excellent comics fic.

Anyway final tip is when you find an author who knows what they're talking about, go through all their fics, and then go through all their bookmarks.