That was the worst time to be stuck on the border for 8 hours and therefore trying to kill time on Twitter.
I feel so shitty right now, mostly because I don’t know what to think. For me, Build is a wonderful actor, but I won’t be able to just turn a blind eye if he’s proven guilty. Tbh I really don’t want him to be guilty and I’ll admit, that’s also because I truly believe he and Bible have some indescribable chemistry and I want to see them in other projects together. But of course, that doesn’t matter at all when we’re talking about accusations this serious.
But if he’s not guilty, then it means:
Another woman discrediting the statement “ALWAYS trust the victim”
How long did it take for our society to take abuse towards women seriously, to create an environment where a woman is able to come out and tell the truth? Because this is EXTREMELY scary and painful and horrible — she has to relive everything again, she has to be ready to be blamed by public (which still happens so often in many countries), there’s also a chance her abuser will still be able to walk free and have an opportunity to abuse her further.
I’m sick to my stomach when I see women who are breaking this trust. And I’m not talking about the writer, because nothing has been proven yet, but about the women like Casey Anthony. Ugh, a woman who didn’t report her child missing, moreover, she lied to everybody, claiming that her daughter is well and with her. That woman is a compulsive liar and I do believe she was found not guilty just because the jury felt uncomfortable sending a young, tiny, good-looking woman to death row.
And that woman has the audacity to appear in public again and speak in a shitty documentary about “her truth”, that it was all her father’s fault because he abused her during her childhood when there is no evidence of that (but there is evidence Casey was the bossy one when it came to relations between her and her parents).
And now those young people, who are new to the true crime community and haven’t heard of her case, who want to be progressive, believe her because you should ALWAYS trust the victim.
I’m so, so sick. And I don’t want this case to be just another proof we can’t actually always trust women on this matter.
I understand people who chose to support Build because they really believe he’s a good man (because at least they see how the whole cast treats him). I don’t understand those who think so just because he’s “so pretty, cute and babygirly”.
I understand people who chose to stand against him because they believe the writer, or because they are biased against Build due to his previous scandal. I don’t understand people who stand against him because it turned out he was dating… GIRLS. Come on, shipping is fun, but let’s at least acknowledge there is a reality.
At the end of this post — which is a mess of my unclear opinion on this issue and VERY clear opinion on Casey Anthony — I still can’t tell what I think. One thing I’m sure of: I’ll stay away from Twitter and follow any developments in this case only in the legal field.
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I just finished my playthrough of me2, and as I put off the overlord and arrival dlcs until the end of it my thoughts on them are very fresh and Must be aired.
The frustrating thing is, they didn’t have to suck. The gameplay, like the shadowbroker dlc, is fun and stands out from the rest of the game! The story and themes of 'how far will you go in sacrificing individual lives in the name of winning a war/stopping extinction' fits well with the overall narrative and emphasis on hard choices! I mostly enjoy them! Only, overlord is completely undone by gross ableism, and arrival doesn’t actually let you engage with the choice it sets up; it fully forces your hand, and then makes the whole thing feel pointless by just having the reapers show up for a surprise attack in the next game anyway. It’s a trolley problem that doesn’t actually let you control the lever and then derails the entire train to hit both tracks no matter what you do.
So, how do you fix arrival? Personally, I would probably keep in the loss of the batarian colony as inevitable, but change the focus. As it is, barely a moment is spared to let it sink in that you're about to end 300 000 lives, and the only 'choice' you get is whether you attempt to (futilely) warn them in a blink and you'll miss it scene. I would've at a minimum added dialogue options where Shepard/the player could’ve expressed anger at how this work could’ve gone on for as long as it did without a warning being sent long before. For a bigger change, that could’ve led into a major conflict: a paragon Shepard trying to warn the colony, while her opponents argue that doing so would jeopordize the project/the hidden base and tries to stop her as part of the final fight of the dlc. If you choose to warn and do it in time, perhaps some small amount of people make it out, with the majority of the colony still being destroyed to keep the tone of sacrifice. If you want to keep it real dark, everyone dies no matter how hard you try to save them, but you should at least have been given the option to seriously try even if it’s hopeless.
But there isn’t really a workaround for how part of the problem with arrival is a problem with the batarians: had the colony been human, turian, or asari, most players would likely have been more upset because those are our allies. The batarians, however, are a one-note species never portrayed as anything other than slavers, criminals, and terrorists. While other species are allowed horrific acts while still being portrayed as complex people capable of both good and bad (need I remind you of the first contact war, the krogan rebellion, the genophage, the quarian's attempted genocide of the geth, the geth's war against biological life, and so on), the player is given little to no reason to sympathize with batarians. Had they been made to feel like actual people while still our enemies from the start of the game, arrival would've felt more like the gut punch of sacrifice it was and less like it was off-handedly writing off a people everyone hates, anyway. There could’ve been a discussion of 'are you more willing to sacrifice those you don’t know/don’t like and what does it say about you; is this a sacrifice or is it selfish revenge with the greater good as cover (a discussion especially brought up if you take the renegade choice)' but instead it feels almost vindictive.
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Glass Children Info & Masterpost
Only recently being recognized as a huge trauma itself, I’ve seen nothing on Tumblr being posted about glass children. And as a glass child myself, which is a part of the reason I’ve struggled severely with mental illness, especially in my early teen years, it can be very upsetting. However, it’s still incredibly popular to view what we experience as invalid and that we should “appreciate we aren’t like them” (which is incredibly insulting to both parties and I hate hearing it). Idk if this will get any notes, but I wish someone told me what I went through is valid and a real thing and I hope maybe this will show one person the same:
Glass Child: siblings of a person with a disability. The word glass means people tend to see right through them and focus only on the person with the disability. 'Glass' is also used because the children appear strong, but in reality are not. These children have needs that are not being met.
The term was popularized and recognized in Alicia Maples’s “Recognizing Glass Children” TedTalk posted in December, 2010 in which she talks about her experience growing up with a severely Autistic brother.
It is important to acknowledge that the disabled sibling plays no role in the conditions and problems a glass child endures as they did not choose to have a disability. The conditions and problems are a product of bad parental management and being a victim of circumstances. As a child, not understanding this bigger pictures may sometimes cause a glass child to see their sibling as the problem, but it is important to stress the sibling has no part in it.
Examples of challenges glass children experience during childhood:
Severe emotional and or physical neglect from guardians
Severe pressure to be the “perfect” kid
Feeling as if you must help others before yourself
Strong anger of not having a “normal” family, but feeling shame for feeling anger.
Putting in extra effort to appear okay even when they aren’t
Taking on the tasks (both physical and or mental) that are reserved for parents
Feelings of hopelessness
Hyper-vigilance and anxiety
Feeling of being taken for granted
These experiences during childhood follow you into teenage years and adulthood.
Symptoms a glass child can show later in life:
Trauma-related mental illnesses (ex: anxiety, depression, PTSD, personality disorders, eating disorders, etc.)
Self-sabotaging or self-injurious behavior(s)
Low self esteem
Putting other’s needs before one’s own, even at their own expense
Lack of self identity or never developing their own personality
Hyper-vigilance to an inappropriate degree
Extreme sensitivity
Struggles with trust and or vocalizing feelings and needs
Difficulty in adjusting to new, unexpected situations
Avoidance of any form of conflict to the point where it has negative impacts on day to day life
Learn More:
Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms
Glass children: The overlooked siblings of the people we treat.
What is a glass child?
How We Can All Help Glass Children
Growing Up a Glass Child
Glass Child Syndrome And Symptoms
Glass children: The lived experiences of siblings of people with a disability or chronic illness
Glass Children
At least from my experience, one of the biggest problems that follows me till this day is being extremely sensitive as to when I feel my feelings or presence is being invalidated. This is not completely my imagination however as the term “glass child” as of now has no place in the DSM-5, any dictionaries, and not even a Wikipedia page despite the years and years of studies and proof showing that the existence and damage of being a glass child is very real and a problem. I myself didn’t know about this term until a few months ago. And that was from TikTok of all places. I hope this makes at least one more person aware that we exist, we are valid, and we are not “the lucky one.” Both the disabled sibling and the glass child(s) deserve the recognition for enduring the hardships life threw at them. We both deserve it.
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Anon wrote: Hi, I have a complicated history with a friend. We've hurt each other a lot and we've tried working on ourselves and starting anew but still keep having fights. Recently in another fight, I realized I have been a terrible friend. I'd say I'd do better but then life happens and I ghost the friend bc I can barely handle my own plate. I feel horrible about myself. I realize realistically that I can't handle my life and working on this relationship. And we both feel misunderstood/hurt by the other person. It's a draining negative cycle and it's sapped all the will out of me, on top of all the other things happening in my life. I feel like I am my worst self in this dynamic and I just want a reprieve from it all. I want to ask for a break or even to end it. I don't think I'm the right person for this friend and vice versa but I don't know if I'm just acting in a hurtful way again, as he has pointed out many times.
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What is your question exactly or what kind of response are you looking for? It's not my place to make such a judgment for you. Since you didn't explain the exact nature of your disagreement with your friend, I can only make some general comments.
Relationships with a "complicated history" are surely the most difficult ones to maintain, but they are also the ones you should be most reluctant to give up.
1) Close friendships are rare due to the time and effort and luck required to make them happen. It gets harder and harder to make close friends as you get older, which means, as you get older, you're likely to regret not appreciating the ones you've lost. An important part of maintaining close friendships over the long term is learning how to focus on the positive rather than nitpick the negatives, such that you're able to cherish each other despite the disagreements. If you have an issue of easily getting bogged down by your feelings moment to moment (i.e. being too narrow-minded), then it's important that you learn how to have a longer term view of things.
2) Close friendships are the perfect training ground for improving relationship skills. Since friends are generally flexible and forgiving, there is room to make mistakes and learn from them. If you keep repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over, is running away the best solution? Is it not better to learn how to actually solve the problem? In what ways are you contributing to the problem and shouldn't you want to improve on that? Are you certain that the problem is isolated to this one person/relationship and won't reappear in other relationships?
3) Close friendships form the backbone of one's social support network. You say you can barely handle yourself, let alone this friendship, which makes me wonder why you must draw such a distinction in the first place. Close friends tend to go through life together and are intimately involved in each other's lives. Do you have an issue with not being able to let people in to help or support you (e.g. due to fear of intimacy or fear of vulnerability)? There is a difference between someone "bringing out the worst in you" versus someone "exposing the things about you that you don't want to see". If it's actually the latter, then the real problem isn't the relationship dynamic but your own defensiveness. Overcoming defensiveness is a key component of personal growth, so giving up this relationship could be giving up a perfect opportunity to grow.
I've made the above points not to convince you to stay but to ensure you're seeing the bigger picture. All that being said, it takes two people to make a relationship work. Both parties have to be willing to give a little, to compromise, to implement necessary changes, to work toward something better, etc. If you're not willing to commit, walk away. Do you not have every right to choose your friends?
It sounds to me like you're experiencing frequent breakdowns in communication. A lot of disagreements can be successfully resolved through learning how to communicate your way through them constructively (see the related article). However, there are certain disagreements that can't be resolved, such as deep disagreements about fundamental moral values.
The takeaway point: The best way to deal with a breakdown in communication is to learn better communication skills. Close relationships are bound to have disagreements and conflicts. You must be able to accept this fact and learn how to resolve conflicts maturely. Being a poor communicator is something that will follow you into every relationship, so it behooves you to improve on this front. Whether improving communication will be enough to mend this relationship is your judgment to make.
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Some will complain that Greece has become kr will become a tourist destination only because of many Greeks leaving the country and many places are filled with hotels. While i agree that Greece should invest in schools, healthcare, hospitals, tourism is the number one income to our country.
Especially during summer, but that happens i believe in all around the world. Italy, France for example are tourist destinations all year and northern Europe is mostly a winter destination whereas Greece is a summer one.
It might seem counterintuitive coming from my blog but I don’t agree. Tourism can be the number one income in a country but no country should have such disproportionate sizes of income. You can’t survive only on one thing. If something bad happens, knock wood, and tourist visits decline, what do you do then? Tourism is not a very reliable source of income.
There is also the overdevelopment which is very much a real thing: doctors and teachers in Santorini can’t find a house and sleep in yards or leave the Island, because all houses are rented by tourists for higher prices? So Santorini’s kids won’t get proper education and the people will have no doctor but that’s okay because they get tourists’ money? This is just not a healthy development and it’s hardly a development at all. The excessive construction has already started degrading the natural environment and the authenticity of the traditional settlements. The problem slowly expands to more of the country, with all people struggling to find houses to rent longterm that have no insane prices and luxe resorts being built out of place in traditional settlements protected by the state and cultural organisations.
Every country should invest in all sectors it can evenly. By all means, focus on your strengths, but not at the expense of all other sectors and the well-rounded development of the country. And young people should find jobs in what they have studied or what they desire: sciences, arts, commerce, agriculture, industry and not all of them be forced to become waiters and receptionists working in hectic conditions because all other sectors are dead. Or, worse, leave.
I agree though that Greece should try to distribute its visitors throughout the whole year, like Italy and France. It’s already slowly happening, however the tourist count should not increase too much at this point. France and Italy are different cases. They get more tourists but they are much bigger countries with much bigger populations. I think they have 60something million people and get about 60-80 million tourists all year round. This is only a little larger than local population so it’s sustainable. Greece gets only 30 million tourists but it has 10 million population! This is barely sustainable. I believe our high season popular places can’t bear more than that. It means that most locals must be obligatorily in tourism services. That’s just not right. On the contrary, French and Italian people can choose their career paths more freely and contribute to far more sectors of economy at the same time.
By the way, I believe Greece can do up to 40 million but ONLY if tourists come throughout the year and to more places in the country. Otherwise not. Greece can be compared better with Croatia which also gets more tourists (11 mil) than it has people (~ 4 mil). Croatia is beautiful, I have been there, but it’s rapid unhealthy development starts getting evident. I have been to almost all Balkan countries and even though strictly speaking it’s probable it was amongst the prettiest, it was not my most enjoyable experience exactly for how it starts lacking in authenticity compared to the rest, because of its fast growing tourist culture and tourism-centrism. (Just my two cents)
See also the beautiful islands and countries of the Indopacific, Hawaii etc The quality of the life of local people has been freefalling ever since large parts of the lands are becoming luxe resorts of big hotel chains, specialising in “exclusive experiences” for the tourists who stay there locked taking baths and yoga, removed from the real life of the country they are visiting, almost as removed as the locals who have been working night and day in their service for a better life. Tourists should become travellers and explorers again. Countries should strive for diversity and not excessive dependency in their economy. People should start living and truly enjoying their own countries too.
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I think the people who complain about Engage's story are probably salty that Fire Emblem as a franchise doesn't follow 3h, specifically Edelgard's story of "all dragons bad, humanity good. All Dragons should be eliminated" shtick. They probably should've got that message when the devs said Edelgard is the bad guy and her route is the the hegemon route, but people clung too hard to "death of the author" and now they have to face reality. I haven't gotten to Engage yet but seeing a lot of the stans invalidated after years of their toxic and dangerous behavior does give me some schadenfreude.
I gotta be frank anon, I get why people don't like the story has it's very generic. If you ask me, Engage is still better constructed than Awakneing and Fates because it has at most 4 plot holes in the main story and only 2 big one and it did make me wish to strangle the writers. Engage to me is a "meh i have seen worse but I have seen better". The premise is kind of boring, the first Lumera's death is emotionless. There were moments enjoyably bad like Alear becoming the Fire emblem was the best thing in my entire life. But when I see what the writers wanted to do : they succed. I FREAKING LOVE ALEAR. THEY EVEN MANAGED TO BEAT ROBIN!! AND ROBIN WAS MY FAV AVATAR. Alear's storyline is sso good, it's the most interesting part but the problem is : the rest of the cast.
First you begin with the Stewards, but then you move with Alfred who gets the spoltlight stolen by Diamant, etc, etc. That's no good. The characters only appear superficially and that coupled with the supports grinding having become shit ever since 3 houses make it hard to interest the player in investing time into unlocking them which is a pity, because past A support, all characters got a lot of depth. Some even before. To it's credit, Engage had a much bigger cast than 3 houses so it explain why like Awakening and Fates, some of them ended up being into the background. 3 houses had 4th route so this coupled with the fact that each class had a small number of students made it easier to make everyone participates in the plot. I'd say that seeing the objective, I understand the focus on Alear, Veyle and their family. But it could have still saved it's cast by trying to make the paralogues about the units rather than the Emblems or make 2 kinds of paralogue rather than recycling the Awakening and Fates formula. But I still really enjoyed the story despite it's enormous flaws, and I think it's a bit unfair to call it this bad, when it is at worst mediocre.
As for 3 houses, not gonna lie : it's just decently written. The characters are what make the game shines, but the story in itself can either be exciting either doesn't interest you much. While playing Engage, i was not really eager to look fowards the next chapter, but it was still an enjoyable experience. 3 houses got me excited for some and not for others chapter, but it's not well written game per se.
If i could explain why, then i will say this : people will say, Fell Xenologue is better than main story, and I will disagree. Here is why : while playing I was really into it, but even after the end, it fall aparts and I saw all the holes in it. Same things for 3 houses. People tends to forgive more easily a story that has plot holes and bad construction if it has something interesting than a solid one, albeit a bit dull. That's why so many people who were shitting on Awakening and Fates now claims it's superior to Engage. But let's see, if i try to sum it up what i have :
Awakening : local crown prince recruits amnesiac person to makes them tactician and goes to war.
Fates : amnesiac child have to choose between people who are neither their actual family
3 houses : local mercenary gets hired as a teacher and has to play the arbitrary between 3 teenaged war criminals
Engage : young dragon child has to save the kindgom from the evil dragon that turns out to be their real dad.
We can all agree that Engage summed up in one sentence looks way less dumb then the previous. But the differenc is that the 3 had an execution that tooks more risk and made thing more interesting, to the point the flaws got overlooked. Awakening had a strong arc with the Plegian, the Valm arc was a filler and the last boss arc got a lot hyped. But they all feels so disconnected. Same thing for Fates, and it's worse knowing that it being a route, feels had to be connected and when it did ... plot holes all the way. 3 houses did not do better. Engage had the beneficts of having only one storyline and one goal : Sombron, always Sombron. Unlike for the 3 games where you had to fight a boss before discorvering the real ennemy, thing that 3 houses did better than Awakening and Fates, Engage was straight to the begining. Hence everything around Sombron feels more solid, constructed, it's simplier and better. This strategy allowed to avoid uncessary acts and to got strike right here, even if it did some mistakes with the Solm arc where you lose your ring because E.Veyle managed to steal the rings... don't ask me how. But each arc was at least connected and not dispateched. Making the whole thing handle like a block, even if some parts need polishing because Engage's biggest flaws was that it hold back a lot!! I will make a post on this btw.
But for 3 houses, I personally think it's way too overrated for what it is. Yes it is a good game, but there is still better. There were sooo many way to improve it. The first one was Byleth, because Shez prouved they were capable of having a self insert!! They wanted to go Personna, but it's not how self insert works IS !! I speak as VN enjoyer, you can't have the self insert without personality even if the player can choose what they say!! Just to give an example, The Murder of Sonic the hedgehog did better. The story is simple but enjoyable as heck !! The gameplay choice was just stunning as it matched with the Tails Phase and the Sonic phase being reprsentative of the character and even the self Racoon insert was fun because they were a relateble character and you could choose what they did nevertheless but the choice showed there was consicentency !! Byleth had none of this. Moreover, they are incredible passive, Shez too. I would have loved it if Byleth's relevance was not just limited to who they choosed to guide, but also HOW they did with depending on your decision, several endings !! like in classical VN. Just as an example : Claude in Hopes joing Edie in 2 routes and Dima only one Dima's route.... WHY THE HECK CAN'T SHEZ CHOOSE WHO CLAUDE SIDE WITH IN CLAUDE'S ROUTE ?!!
As for the "death of the authour" only dumbass uses this to excuse headcanon. The death of the author is a literary concept proclaimmed by Roland Barthes and Michel Foucault in order to STOP studing every pits of the author 's personal life to study a literary text, in order to stick to the text and the text only ! The only limitation it has is that it can tend to neglect the intentio auctoris of the text and it can lead to a reading different then what the author intended such as JJ Rousseau's reading of the Misanthrope to be the tragedy of Alceste instead of a comedy mocking Alceste. Not an excuse for weird agendas and pushing an interpretation over the others but an attempt at seeing what the text says. It was in order to favorise the intentio operis, not enter into the anarchy of intentio lectoris which is saddly the dominant in fandom. However, it's not so uncommon to see a villain being a hero : J. M Barrie intented Peter pan to be the devil's spawn... he is now a well beloved character by many and a symbole of childhood innocence. But sometimes, you have to listen to what the writters said to understand a story. Even if you don't like it.
So to came back to the main point : i 100% understand why some people don't like Engage's story but, from what i know the devs wanted, they succeded in their projects. And it's what matters. Could they have did better ? yep. But there is no point comparing Engage to 3 houses knowing that it did not wanted to be like that, it wanted to be what it is : Alear's story. So now i am 100% aware that it lack replay value, the characters got dirtied on and a lot of stuff. Like I said my personal ranking is : 1- Alear 2- Rafal 3- Veyle 4- Nel 5- Sombron 6 - Lumera and 7- Sommie. The dragon are what makes Engage worth talking. The characters deserves to be given a chance because there is good character : Alfred, Hortensia, Mauvier, the 4 winds. But the main story did they them too dirty to appeal. Yeah the excution has objectively flaws, but it isn't too the point Engage is that bad of a game.
I don't know much about the Eddie discourse and I will continue to remain as ignorant as possible as i personally am not that interested by that specific topic which in my opinion seems to have scared a lot of fans way for the 3 houses fan bases. But while Engage has indeed it's flaw, the hate towards the story is exagerated, especially as there is a lot of good things in it when you dig it up. Rather than blaming it on 3 house, id' say it's typicall FE behaviour since people were so busy on hating on Awakening they would not even admit it did saved the franchise, quality of the game or not, it did ! They di the same thing for Fates despite it's popularity, they even did it for 3 houses !! and then Hopes !! Now it's just Engage's turn to be the scapegoat which is a pity, because again it's not a bad game, the gamplay is good and I have been into the seires more for the strategics aspects than the story in itself, so when I am bored i grab the game and go! I totaly get why it won' t appeal to many, but still : I HAD FUN. And that's what matters. Sure, it felt like the dev did not put too much heart into it at times, but still i can feel it was intented to be for fun which makes sense, it's an aniiversary game. Would Engage be shorter it probably would have had less backlash but it still did great and I am thankful for that. But there again, Fe game always had a simple story : beat evil dragon to finish the war. Then game always managed to handle it their own way, varrying from very bad to quite good. 3 houses isn't near Shadow of Valencia however, and it was a simple story too, and it still sold less then Engage so... anyone burrying the game now is couting their chicken before they ever hatched, or in that case the dragons. There is not much place to say ngl, but still, it's been barely a year since it came out. 3 hopes did died faster but it still get some content from time to times.
Edit : I also think Engage had the curse of being released at the end of the holiday, in autumn, yk ? when people go back to work and have less times playing... especially in a post pandemic era, unlike for 3houses duology, that came in summer and then you had the pandemic to play it all day, and.. do fanworks of it all day. Would it release in summer times, the gameplay would have helped gained replayability points, it did for 3 hopes, it would have did it for Engage too since it would have give a pass time. See how Engage was the only game ever since Fates to not release in summer times ? Fates came out during summer, Three houses too, and 3 hopes too. At the end it's a like or not, but I am not gonna lie, the story works better if it was a movie then getting interrupted. It's more a grab popcorn and enjoy things then have fun on the play ground with unit, which I repeat would have been perfect for a summer release.
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10 Essential Tips for a Vibrant Lifestyle
Man, the last few years have been something, huh? I know my life looks totally different than it did before the pandemic. Between working from home and all that time indoors, it feels like healthy habits have been a lot harder to stick with. And that whole "pandemic weight gain" thing? Yeah, turns out that's real for a lot of us!
The thing is, those extra pounds don't just affect how we look. They can sneakily lead to way more serious problems like diabetes, heart issues... the list goes on. That's why figuring out how to stay healthy is super important right now.
Ready to Take Charge? Here's How!
Here's the deal: there's no magic bullet, but building small, sustainable changes into your day-to-day life makes a real difference. No crazy diets or hardcore gym sessions – just smart choices that add up over time.
1. Keep an Eye on Your Weight
Okay, I know stepping on the scale can be daunting, especially if you've been noticing your clothes fitting a little tighter. But regular weight monitoring, also known as weight tracking, is a valuable tool for staying on top of your health. It's like checking the gas gauge in your car – it gives you a heads up if you need to make adjustments to stay on track.
Here's the key: Don't obsess over every single pound. Weight naturally fluctuates throughout the day and week. Instead, focus on tracking your weight consistently, maybe once a week at a similar time of day. This way, you can see the bigger trends and identify patterns. If you see the numbers creeping up for a few weeks in a row, that might be a signal to make some tweaks to your diet or exercise routine.
Weight tracking tips:
- Choose a reliable scale: A digital scale with a clear display is easiest to use.
- Track your weight at the same time of day: This helps account for natural weight fluctuations. Morning before breakfast is a good option for most people.
- Weigh yourself in similar clothing: Don't worry about being naked – just wear something light like pajamas or underwear to keep things consistent.
- Track your weight in a journal or app: This will help you see trends over time.
Remember, weight tracking is a tool to empower you, not discourage you. By keeping an eye on your weight and making adjustments as needed, you can reach and maintain a healthy weight for the long term.
2. Focus on Good Eats
Forget boring diets or super restrictive eating – it's not sustainable! Instead, let's think of healthy eating as a way to fuel your body and feel good, both inside and out. Here's the lowdown on what to put on your plate:
Protein: Your Hunger-Busting Hero
If you want to feel full for longer and avoid those mid-afternoon snack attacks, protein is your pal. Great sources include:
- Lean meats: Chicken, turkey, lean beef – these are all winners.
- Fish: Salmon, tuna, cod...delicious and packed with healthy omega-3 fats too.
- Eggs: So versatile – omelets, scrambles, frittatas, you name it!
- Plant-based power: Beans, lentils, tofu, tempeh – perfect if you're vegetarian or vegan.
Fiber: The Key to Good Digestion (and Feeling Full!)
Fiber is amazing for keeping things moving smoothly (if you know what I mean!) and also helps you feel satisfied after a meal. Get your fix from:
- Whole grains: Think brown rice, oatmeal, quinoa, and whole-wheat bread.
- Fruits: Snack on apples, berries, bananas – nature's sweet treats!
- Veggies: Load up on broccoli, carrots, spinach, bell peppers...the more colorful, the better!
Healthy Fats: The Flavor (and Fullness) Boosters
Don't be afraid of fat! The healthy kind adds a ton of flavor and helps keep you feeling satisfied, reducing cravings later. Here's where to find them:
- Avocados: Guacamole, toast topping, salads...the options are endless.
- Nuts and seeds: A handful of almonds or walnuts is a perfect snack, or sprinkle seeds onto salads.
- Olive oil: Fantastic for dressings, sauteing veggies, or drizzling over roasted goodness.
Nobody eats perfectly 100% of the time. That slice of birthday cake or those fries with friends? Totally okay! Just focus on making those whole, healthy choices the majority of the time.
"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."
Michael Pollan
3. Considering a Multivitamin
We all know that eating a balanced diet packed with fruits, veggies, and whole foods is the best way to get those essential vitamins and minerals. But let's be real – life gets hectic! Sometimes, it's hard to make sure you're getting absolutely everything you need. That's where a daily multivitamin can come in handy.
Think of it like an insurance policy. It's that extra layer of support to make sure you're not missing out on any of those important nutrients your body needs to thrive.
But remember, food comes first! A multivitamin shouldn't be an excuse to eat poorly. It's more like a backup plan, especially on those days when your meals aren't as balanced as you'd like.
Things to Consider:
- Talk to your doctor. They can help you choose the right multivitamin for your age, health conditions, and diet. Especially important if you're pregnant, have dietary restrictions, or take other medications.
- Don't overdo it. More isn't always better! Taking megadoses of certain vitamins and minerals can actually be harmful.
- Look for quality. Choose a multivitamin from a reputable brand, as these supplements aren't all created equal.
Fact: Not all vitamins are absorbed equally well from food and supplements. Vitamin D for example, is much better absorbed when taken with a meal containing fat.
4. Water is Your Best Friend
You've definitely heard the "drink more water" thing before, right? Well, there's a reason everyone keeps nagging you about it – because it's seriously important! Staying hydrated isn't just about feeling less thirsty, it benefits your whole body.
- Energy boost: Feeling sluggish? Dehydration can be a major culprit. Sipping water keeps things running smoothly and helps fight fatigue.
- Clearer skin: Water helps flush out toxins and gives your skin a healthy glow.
- Workout support: Staying hydrated optimizes your workouts and helps with muscle recovery.
- Improved digestion: Yep, water helps keep things moving along nicely (if you know what I mean!).
Tip: Don't love plain water? Add some lemon slices, berries, mint leaves, or cucumber for flavor. Sparkling water with a squeeze of citrus is refreshing, too!
5. Get Moving (However You Can!)
Regular exercise is one of the absolute best things you can do for your health, both physical and mental. But it doesn't mean you have to become a gym rat! Here's the thing: It's less about how "hardcore" your workouts are, and more about finding something you actually enjoy doing and making it a consistent habit.
- Think outside the gym: Love to dance? Put on your favorite tunes and move! Enjoy the outdoors? Go for bike rides or brisk walks in nature.
- Short and sweet is great: Even 10-15 minute workouts add up! Aim for moderate-intensity activity most days of the week.
- Make it fun: Exercise shouldn't feel like a chore. Find activities you look forward to, and it'll be way easier to stick with.
Benefits of Regular Exercise:
- Weight management: Helps you burn calories and maintain a healthy weight.
- Mood booster: Reduces stress, improves your mood, and helps with sleep.
- Energy levels: Fights fatigue and gives you more get-up-and-go.
- Disease prevention: Reduces your risk of serious diseases like heart disease and diabetes.
6. Break Up With Your Chair
Okay, maybe you don't need a full-on breakup with your chair, but all that sitting for long periods? Not so great for your health! Even if you exercise regularly, too much sitting can still increase your risk for things like:
- Weight gain
- Heart disease
- Back and neck pain
The Fix: Get up and move regularly! Set a timer on your phone to remind you to stand up, stretch, or walk around every hour or so. Even small breaks are better than sitting for hours without moving.
Ideas for movement breaks:
- Walk around your office or home for a few minutes.
- Do some simple stretches like reaching for the sky and touching your toes.
- Put on your favorite song and have a quick dance break!
- Do a set of squats or lunges.
7. Sleep Is Your Superpower
Ever notice how those healthy habits seem harder when you're tired? Sleep deprivation makes us crave unhealthy foods, skip workouts, and feel grumpy. On the flip side, getting enough quality sleep helps with:
- Weight management: Studies show that sleep-deprived people are more likely to be overweight.
- Mental clarity: You'll make better food choices and feel more motivated when you're well-rested.
- Mood boost: A good night's sleep helps ward off stress and irritability.
Aim for 7-8 hours: Most adults need around that amount for optimal health. If you're struggling, try winding down an hour before bed with relaxing activities like reading or taking a warm bath.
8. Cut Yourself Some Slack on the Alcohol
Look, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine or cocktail with dinner or out with friends. But it's easy to mindlessly overdo it, and those empty calories add up. Plus, too much alcohol can mess with your sleep and motivation to stick to healthier habits.
- What's moderation? For women, it's up to one drink per day, and for men, up to two.
- Space them out: Alternate alcoholic drinks with sparkling water or regular water to hydrate and slow down your pace.
- Choose wisely: Go for options that are lower in sugar and calories.
Fact: Alcohol can interfere with your body's ability to burn fat. Consider those "mocktails" for a change!
9. Stress Less, Feel Your Best
"Chill out," "Don't stress"...we hear those all the time, right? But when it comes to our health, managing stress isn't just about feeling better, it also affects our bodies in major ways.
- The stress-weight connection: When we're under stress, our bodies release a hormone called cortisol, which can promote cravings for unhealthy comfort foods and make it harder to lose weight.
- It messes with other healthy habits: Feeling stressed makes it way harder to find motivation for exercise, stick to healthy meals, and get good sleep.
So, what actually works for de-stressing?
Here's the thing: It's different for everyone! The key is finding what helps you feel calm and centered. Some ideas to try:
- Mindfulness magic: Meditation or deep breathing exercises can bring a sense of peace, even for just a few minutes a day. Apps like Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/ or Calm: https://www.calm.com/ are great for this!
- Move your body: Exercise is an amazing stress reliever – even a quick walk can lift your mood.
- Nature therapy: Spending time outdoors in green spaces has a seriously calming effect.
- Find your zen: Maybe it's yoga, listening to music, taking a warm bath...find the things that soothe your mind and soul.
10. Tech to the Rescue
Fitness trackers and apps aren't for everyone, but they can be seriously helpful in boosting your motivation and helping you reach your goals. Here's the deal:
- See your progress: Tracking steps, calories burned, sleep patterns – it allows you to see the results of your efforts, which feels awesome.
- Challenges and goals: Many apps have built-in features to set goals and even compete with friends.
- Staying accountable: Just knowing you're logging your activity can keep you on track.
Fact: Studies show that wearing a fitness tracker can increase your daily activity...even if you don't set any ambitious goals!
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."
William James
Popular Apps:
- MyFitnessPal: https://www.myfitnesspal.com/ – Great for tracking food and exercise.
- Fitbit https://www.fitbit.com/us/home – Popular trackers and app with tons of features.
https://youtu.be/6ajmuRg2o3Q
Extra Things to Keep in Mind
- If you have a chronic health condition, talk to your doctor. Getting professional advice is absolutely key!
- Celebrate the small wins. Lost a pound? Nailed your daily walk? Those victories deserve some high fives!
- Be kind to yourself. Change is hard, and slip-ups are gonna happen. Don't give up – just get back on track with your next meal or workout.
You Can Do This!
Taking care of yourself – especially in a crazy world like ours – is absolutely worth celebrating. It's not about being perfect; it's about making choices that add up to a healthier, happier you. I'm rooting for you!
Helpful Resources
- Tips from the American Heart Association on Healthy Eating: https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-eating
- The CDC's take on the importance of physical activity: https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/index.htm
Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions about your health.
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loss
What was I thinking? Playing pretend with you. Pretending like this has any type of meaning to you. Like I’m not more than a toy that you pull closer when you’re ready to play and discard when you get bored. You claim to like me but it’s all a farce. This pseudo relationship where we fake a kind of closeness that will never exist between us. While we’re both lying to each other and telling half truths. Pretending that any type of connection that wasn’t purely physical or platonic could exist was my mistake. I liked to fool myself into thinking that I was in control, that I wasn’t as attached as I was. I can’t lie, I’m used to the push and pull. He showed me that. My secrets seem like nothing compared to yours. I’ll never discover them anyway. It hurts so bad. To get involved with you, to get near you. It physically hurts me, it emotionally hurts me. You’ve long outstayed your welcome. I keep trying to force us together, daring you to take a leap that you were never planning on taking anyway. I was content to keep things as they were but now I’m not so sure. My sense of self is fracturing and I don’t know where you end and I begin. I lost myself in you and your existence. That’s my fault. I tried to like the things you did, I tried to integrate myself into your lifestyle. In the end, it wasn’t worth it. I was trying to be someone I’m not, just to get you to like me. Years passed me by, time wasted on thoughts of you. Your existence was suffocating me. I let myself be consumed by you and your self sabotage. I was a fool to think I could be the one to save you. I never held that much importance to you. I lost my purpose long ago. I dedicated myself to a lost cause, and when I realized I’d be left with nothing it was already too late. I disillusioned myself with you. Now I’m stuck here spinning out, barely trudging through my daily life. I can’t even find a purpose to my own days. To what I want for myself. In love, friendships, my career, my future. Do I want a family for myself? Do I want to condemn myself to the misery that I’ve grown so accustomed to? The past 3 years have been hell for me. Trying to pull myself out of pitfall after pitfall. Fixating on things that I already know are no good for me. I’ve been stuck in the same rut, addicted to the same drug, for far too long. I don’t even know what it’d look like for me to move on anymore. I just want the suffering to end. And the only way for that to happen is for the one thing that I’m afraid of to occur. How can I make meaning for myself knowing the end is inevitable? How can I find the joy in the temporary nature of existence? How can I sit and smile and laugh with my friends and family knowing that all of our demises are inevitable? How can I tell myself to just not focus on something that will happen whether I want it to or not? Reality continues to feel less and less real and my identity continues to fragment the more that I look at the bigger picture. My happiness is contingent on my ability to forget all of the intrusive thoughts that have been haunting me for the past 2 years. Every day I grow more and more distant from myself. I’ve clamped up for so long I can’t even remember the last time I truly confided about my struggles to my friends. (With the exception of once a few days ago) But in person, my ability to vent disappears. I just feel sad for myself. Sad that I refuse to let myself be truly happy. That I imprison myself in situations that I can easily get out of. That I let myself rely on a guy as a means of escaping my problems. That the guy I choose to rely on is using me the same way and neither of us wants to admit that this isn’t working and the distraction’s no longer serving its purpose. I don’t want to give you the power to hurt me anymore.
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Pink diamond doesn't deserve hate
I think the hate for pink diamond is wrong cuz she honestly didn't do anything anybody else wouldn't do in that situation.
Let's break it down in order:
Pink pearl was damaged by mistake, Pink was mad at the other diamonds had an outburst of power (like Steven has when extremely upset) and Pink pearl was caught in it and was harmed by mistake. Yes her trauma from it is real but we have to acknowledge that wasn't intentional and that she clearly cared for Pink pearl as a friend.
Spinel: Pink diamond had no real choice, from the way I see it. She never planned on leaving her forever cuz she never planned on leaving her life as a diamond forever. Yes it's crappy that she left her standing there alone for a long time in general but gems are capable of going against their diamonds orders and she was shown to not listen so its fully possible she assumed that spinel would get bored and do something else.
Bismuth: bismuth was planning on murdering other gems and was shown to be unwilling to listen. Don't focus on the recon of her character later in the show. She was far from reasonable and was a danger to everyone. Her not telling the other gems may have been because she didn't want to lose more friends, cuz if they did take bismuth's side she would have to bubble them too. Not to mention her choosing to bubble her was far better than what she could have done.
Faking her death: fuck the diamonds, they abused her and she wanted to escape and deserved to escape. They smothered Steven but were shown to be down right abusive to Pink. Her room was full of tiny pebbles born of her tears. Every one of her memories with them were negative. They might miss her but they never really act themselves if they deserved her as their family. In my opinion, they didn't. Not to mention they are the root of all of this, they abused and ignored her causing her to have a outburst like any powerless person would do in that situation and harm her only friend.
They refused to end the colony cuzing her to create the crystal gems. They made her essentially have to fight on two sides of a war. With her death being the only real option.
Cuz let's been clear, if they knew pink diamond was rose quartz there would be no war cuz they would just force her to come back. They were bigger and stronger than her and white diamond can easily brainwash her. Rose quartz being the figure head allowed for them to keep their distance and only get involved when they felt it was necessary in order to teach her to be a leader and fall back completely when they thought pink died.
Also it annoys me that the show seem to have a problem with her faking her death. Like the fact that she didn't kill herself for the Revolution is a bad thing on her part. Like her giving up her life and family for both the people on the planet and gems who wanted freedom meant nothing cuz "she faked her death" like she didn't try talk no Jujutsu for probably centuries with her only reward being a zoo full of people. Like she wasn't fighting on the Frontline and didn't make hard choices to minimize casualties. She may not have been perfect but she set the Foundation that steven walked on to end the diamond Authority.
I get that she lied and wasnt perfect but i feel like the show missed mutiple opportunities to state "idealizing someone is not good" I mean from the beginning they had steven freaking out cuz he wasn't "perfect like rose" they made it seem like she was the perfect most loving, capable and beautiful person ever. And the moment they saw her faults, they started to distance themselves and act as if everything she ever done was a lie. They made this person into a God and got mad the moment the universe made it care she was a person. And them doing that hurt steven, they pushed steven into feeling like he had to be like his mom. Than that he had to be a better version of her and the moment the cracks started to form, he started to think that he was a monster cuz thats what he's flawed mom is in his eyes.
Steven was never able to process his flaws cuz he spent 14 years believing he was following in the foot steps of someone without flaws and 2 years making up for the flaws of his mother and everyone else around him. And this is all cuz the gems refused to acknowledge the rose was capable of making mistakes.
My point isn't that she is without fault or some innocent pure character but that she wasn't some evil psycho. She didn't go out of her way to harm others things just happened and people got hurt. That is how life is, no matter how good you are you might leave 100s of people picking up the pieces of glass that was your shattered life. I am a strong believer that intent and action go hand and hand. You can hate someone's actions but respect their intent.
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hey! i'm bisexual and in a relationship with a lesbian. i love her a lot and i can see a long future with her! i have only ever dated other women (febfem), and i am very, very rarely attracted to men in real life. i know that means i'm not a lesbian, but i struggle with a ton of internalized biphobia and i keep wanting to gaslight myself into thinking i am one. it's like, i don't see a "point" in being bisexual if i kinda hate men, and i don't want people thinking i am "into men" and there's something about being thought of as bisexual that is so uncomfortable, but i can't place my finger on it... i see very few other bi women like myself and relate a lot to lesbians, but i'm an outsider. i feel like an outsider on all ends and i feel alienated all the time. even the language used to describe my relationship is alienating ("lesbian couple"), and i feel like an imposter. any help?
First of all, congratulation on your relationship, I wish you two the best ! :)
I get that you must feel very alienated as a bi woman who chooses to only date women and who is rarely interested in men. I feel like this is why it's important that you focus on talking with other febfems, so you don't feel othered among people (bi people) who have the same sexual orientation as yours but experience it so differently. But then again febfems aren't necessarily all having a high preference for women, they just choose to only date them for more or political/ feminist reasons, so this is tricky. That's only my PoV as a lesbian but this is why I think the bi community should create additional descriptors, so bi people who strongly prefers the same-sex can easily find other bi people with the same experience, as this seems to be a recurring problem. I understand that seeing people who have such different circumstances when it comes to their bisexuality (for example someone who is 90% of the time into the opposite sex) be seen just as the same as you must be frustrating. Why isn't there a bi flag modified so the pink stripe (which represents same-sex attraction) is bigger, just to represent you guys within the wider bi community ?
I won't agree with you regarding the wording "lesbian couple" as "lesbian" doesn't describe your orientation but the nature of the relationship (just like "straight" does for a straight couple, even if both people are bisexual) but for the rest you can maybe try forming your own Discord group with other bi women with a strong attraction to women and only little (but still existing) attraction to men ? Start small, but I believe such place is demanded by many out there ! Xx
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The Tall Luke Conspiracy
The worst mistake of Vader’s entire career was letting the galaxy think his son was tall.
The boy was short. He always had been, from his childhood until he’d run away from home. He’d inherited his mother’s stature, among some of her other more stubborn qualities. Vader had always liked the height difference. Sometimes he pretended his son was younger than he was, much to Luke’s dismay.
But all of that changed because of the paparazzi when Luke was sixteen.
Vader had done his very best to shield Luke from the spotlight. He was therefore well aware of how desperate the media was to learn any information there was on the young prince. He coached Luke repeatedly on what to do if confronted by the mob, but he found that his son often wasn’t as up front about it as he should have been--mainly because he knew Vader would hunt them down and kill them.
Still. Luke had managed to evade the press, and it was usually a mere footnote in his daily briefing on the movements of his son through his spies.
At least, until he’d been forced to go off world. When he returned, his briefing on his son contained a tabloid with Luke’s picture on it and the title “Prince Luke’s Height Revealed!” in bold letters over the top.
He immediately sent for his son.
“What is this?” He demanded the moment Luke walked in.
A sheepish look appeared on Luke’s face. “Oh. Uh. No idea?”
Luke was a terrible liar. He always had been.
Vader scrolled to the headline article, scanning it quickly. “Then why is it that this reporter says they interviewed you and you told them you were five-nine?!”
Luke groaned. “It was an accident, I swear! It wasn’t even an interview, I got cornered--”
“You what?!” How dare they confront his son like that?! They knew who he was, they knew very well what he’d do to them and their entire miserable organization if they even thought about attacking Luke like that.
“It’s not a big deal. It’s just a height.”
“It is not even your height!” He knew exactly how tall his son was--five-five. He made sure to bring Luke to the doctor as necessary for check ups. He had since he was a little boy. He was well aware of anything to do with his son’s health.
“I panicked!” Luke held his hands out innocently. “I just wanted to get to school and it seemed like the most innocent question to distract them with before I made my escape! And it’s not even real, so who cares? They can’t somehow use it against me.”
Vader snarled, already making plans to take care of the reporters in question. “Next time, do not answer their questions and inform me or one of my spies immediately. We will handle this.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.” Luke mumbled.
Unlike Luke’s spur of the moment prediction, the height became far bigger news than either of them had thought. Even after Vader had taken care of the tabloid, other more credible news stations had reported on their prince’s height. Vader, mortified, immediately set up an appointment with the Emperor--he couldn’t very well get rid of the entire Imperial media, but the Emperor could silence them with a simple order. He had to take care of this; it was his son’s private business even if it was fake--
“Oh, I think the news is just what that boy needed.” Came the Emperor’s surprising--and infuriating--answer when Vader made the request.
Vader was silent for a few cycles, trying to choose his words carefully. “He is not five-nine.”
It wasn’t at all what he wanted to say. He wanted to say the media had no right to be snooping into a minor’s business, let alone a royal minor, but that was too much attachment. As it was, his master barely tolerated Luke’s life as it was.
“That is precisely the problem.” The Emperor growled. “Do you realize how embarrassing your pathetically small son is to the Empire? You, for all of your medical failings, are the perfect picture of strength and control.” He gestured to him. “Your son? He looks like he might get squished by a womp rat.”
Vader gritted his teeth against the Emperor’s insults against his son. Anyone else would be dead. “He is not done growing--”
“That boy is going to be short forever, Lord Vader. I have foreseen it.” Vader half wanted to ask if he’d specifically looked into the future to see if his son would grow or not, or if it was coincidence. “I will command all Imperial propaganda departments to proclaim five-nine as Luke’s official height. I do not wish to hear another word of this.”
So Vader was forced to comply.
And when, two years later, Luke betrayed him and defected to the Rebellion, he ended up regretting that decision.
While he raged and searched for his son across the galaxy, he employed numerous bounty hunters to assist. He ordered for Luke’s file to be given to any assisting, and he put a million credit “alive only” bounty on his head. In the moment, he’d forgotten about the ridiculous “tall Luke” propaganda campaign from a few years before--his sole focus was finding his son, convincing him of the error of his ways, and ensuring he never lost him again.
That was, until not only was no one able to bring him Luke, but he found out that many had actually captured Luke, only to let him go.
“You will tell me why you let my son go!” Vader snarled as he strangled a young bounty hunter. She’d actually sent him a holo proving she had him, but when he’d shown up to her ship, he was gone, and her ship crew had explicitly told him she’d let him go.
She struggled for breath, gasping as her skin paled. “Wrong....guy!”
Vader had not been expecting that answer. The holo had left him no doubt that she’d captured his son. He’d know him anywhere, even if he was dressed in Rebel fatigues. “Explain!”
She clawed at his hand around her throat. “He’s...five-seven!”
He stared at her. And stared. And stared, until she was lifeless in his hand. And even then, he stared, his mind roaring with the information she’d given him.
Finally, he dropped her, pulling his comm out before she’d even thudded to the floor.
“Yes, my lord?” Piett answered, standing to attention in the small image held in his hand.
“I need you to tell me what height is listed on my son’s bounty.” Vader ordered. He already knew, but he needed confirmation.
Piett was silent for a moment, and Vader watched as he checked for the information on his datapad. “All bounties and missing person files on Prince Luke show that he’s five-nine. Why?”
Vader closed his eyes.
Five-nine.
The boy, now eighteen, was five-seven.
He cursed Palpatine for allowing the Imperial propaganda machine to indulge in Luke’s tall-person fantasy. He cursed Luke for not listening to him when he’d told him not to engage with the paparazzi. Already, he could imagine exactly how Luke was managing to get away from everyone he sent after him:
“You’re Luke Skywalker!” The bounty hunter would say.
“No, I just look a lot like him.” Luke would retort. Force, Vader could imagine the smug tone in his son’s voice as he said it, too.
“I have your bounty right here!”
“I can’t be Luke Skywalker. I’m not tall enough.”
He’d insist until those stupid bounty hunters pulled out a measuring device to prove that he was, indeed, Prince Luke, and find that he was three inches shorter than the official Imperial bounty information.
“See?” Luke would say triumphantly, “I’m too short. But wouldn’t it be great if I was royalty? One can dream!”
Then he’d pleasantly chat the bounty hunter up until he was let go, and the bounty hunter would watch Luke fly away, probably debating on trying to pass him off as the real prince the entire time, not realizing they had, in fact, let Luke go. But the information on the prince had come directly from the Empire itself, from his own office, and he was his father--surely he’d have corrected that, right?
He wished a hole would open up in the floor and swallow him up. How could he have forgotten? He’d let Luke play his bounty hunters for months not even knowing it was his fault it was happening.
“My lord?” Piett asked, frowning. “Is there something wrong?”
Did he admit that he’d let the wrong height be published on all of Luke’s bounty information?
No.
It would make his job easier, but...no.
He couldn’t admit he, Luke’s father, had forgotten to put the correct basic information on the bounty for his own son. He had a reputation, and he wasn’t about to let Luke and his silly lie damage it.
“Place an order on all bounties instructing all suspects, regardless of how they look, are to be detained until I personally can inspect them.” He said instead. It would mean that he’d probably get contacted about suspects that most certainly were not Luke, but at least his son couldn’t keep exploiting the “Tall Luke” loophole.
“It will be done, my lord.”
He cut the transmission and glared at the body of the bounty hunter.
The moment I find you, Luke, he promised into a bond that had long grown silent, I will set straight your actual height on all Imperial material.
He could have sworn he heard the echo of Luke’s laughter, taunting him from somewhere far away.
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Sugar, Honey, Ice and Tea - Matthew Tkachuk (6)
all parts in the master list
I asked who wanted Matt to end up with reader and most people were like “yes but make it hurt” so while I won’t reveal if she ends up with him or not, I will make it hurt! Ya welcome!
--
The kiss was.. unexpected.
Matthew pulled back quickly, out of natural habit, and she immediately did the same, due to his response.
“Oh my god, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking, actually I wasn’t thinking I just-“
“Hey,” he cut her off gently, “relax, you’ve been drinking, it’s no big deal.”
“It kind of is. That was super inappropriate and I don’t know why I did it. I could get in so much trouble.”
She was right. Getting involved with Matthew, not that either of them wanted that, would be a conflict of interest and she could potentially lose her job if the situation wasn’t handled properly.
“Your secret is safe with me, don’t worry.”
He wasn’t sure if her cheeks were rosy from the alcohol or the embarrassment but he allowed himself to find it cute for a minuscule moment before pushing the thought away.
“You know, your assertion that you don’t like me is pretty wobbly now,” he tried to play it off as a joke but when she didn’t say anything for almost a full thirty seconds, confusion set in.
“You don’t, right?”
“No,” she spoke quickly, “I don’t, I just, I don’t, I’m sorry I’m being so weird. It’s the alcohol.”
*
Your head was spinning. What the fuck had you just done? And why?!
“You know, your assertion that you don’t like me is pretty wobbly now.”
Matthew was standing a foot away from you, his piercing blue eyes were staring into your own with that stupid smirk on his face and for a minute you weren’t sure whether or not you could disagree with him.
It had been one of the most tumultuous weeks of your life and you were so close to coming out of it unscathed. That wouldn’t happen now, not after you suddenly gathered all the insane confidence in the world and fucking went and kissed him.
“You don’t, right?”
“No. I don’t, I just, I don’t. I’m sorry I’m being so weird. It’s the alcohol.”
Hopefully he bought it, because if he didn’t there was no other explanation you could offer.
You needed to talk to someone, to vent and air it out and get a different perspective from a fresh set of eyes. You needed your mom.
“I have to go back to the hotel and I have to call someone. It’s kind of a private conversation so will you knock before you come in to let me know you’re back?”
“Uh, sure. Are you okay?”
“No,” you answered honestly.
++
“Hi, honey, you’re calling late, is everything ok?”
“No,” you let the sob that had been trapped in your throat come bursting out, “it’s really fucking not.”
“What’s going on?”
Your mother knows who Matthew Tkachuk is. You’ve bitched about him to her probably more times than you can count but she doesn’t expect what you lay out in front of her as you sit on the edge of the bed trying to speak clearly and not cry.
“I’ve gotta say,” you could hear the smile in her voice, “you really put your foot in it tonight, but maybe this isn’t all bad.”
“Of course it’s all bad, mom, I’m going to get fired.”
“He’s not going to tell anyone.”
“How do you know?”
“He told you so.”
“What do I do here? How do I handle this?”
“It depends. How do you feel about him, really?”
You didn’t know. You didn’t fucking know. Matthew had spent the entirety of your time working with the Flames, until this week, treating you like you didn’t exist. Since finding out your room assignments he had been pretty much equal parts hot and cold and it was doing your head in.
There were times he was completely awful to you but sprinkled in with them were the moments where he was apologetic and even a little bit kind. It was then that it hit you.
He had been cruel to you for years and only in the past week had he shown small spots of kindness and here you were overanalyzing the fuck out of them. You didn’t like him, not in general and definitely not anything deeper than that. The tiny bit of positive attention he was giving you was clouding your head because you’d been single for such a long time and hadn’t had any real male attention in months but you were seeing things clearly now.
“I don’t feel anything for him, mom.”
“I’m not sure of that.”
“I am,” a soft knock on the door interrupted your phone call, “I’ve gotta go though, I’ll call you tomorrow on the way home, love you.”
You ended the call and made your way over to the door to unlock the deadbolt and let Matthew in.
“Holy fuck,” you shouted as his large body collided with your smaller one, sending the two of you crashing to the floor.
“What the fuck Matthew?!”
“Sorry, s-sorry,” he slurred, clearly drunk, “I was leaning on the door, didn’t think you’d open it.”
“Well I did, Jesus Christ,” you shoved him off you and rubbed your burning wrist.
His clumsiness sent him down on top of you with your arm tucked to your side and your wrist took the brunt of fall as it was crushed beneath the two of you.
“Shit, let me see!”
“Matthew, really, I’m fine.”
“You might not be. I’m not a small guy and we fell hard. Let me check it out.”
You weren’t sure how drunk he was before but it must not have been to severe because he seemed to sober up quickly and the look of concern in his eyes as you babied your wrist was enough for you to let him take a look.
He was gentle, slowly moving your arm around to get the best look at it.
“Doesn’t appear to be broken or anything, but you should still talk to someone in medical. I’m obviously no expert.”
“I’m fine, Matthew, thank you.”
There was a strained quiet hanging between you as he closed the door and locked it.
“Who’d you call?”
Matthew moved away from the door and stripped his shirt, followed by his jeans and you were hit with a flashback of the other day when he did the same thing but this time he knew you were there.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed,” his response was resolute, “who’d you call?”
“Why is that any of your business?”
Your eyes were trained on his toned stomach and chest as he pulled on a pair of navy pajama pants.
“It isn’t. I just want to know why you ran for the fucking hills after kissing me and who you so desperately needed to talk to. Also, be less obvious with your eyes.”
That fucking annoying smirk again. You blushed a bit but still managed to roll your eyes at his cockiness.
“Was it an ex? Did that kiss drum up some old shit for you? Realize you missed them even though they’re probably a piece of shit and you know can do better? Turn around, please.”
You did as he asked, not answering his question, “what are you doing?”
“Taking my boxers off, they’re uncomfortable.”
When Matthew gave you the go ahead to turn back around your eyes instantly dropped to his waistline. His pajama pants were now hanging low on his hips, exposing the top of his adonis belt and you knew you needed to look away before he made some shitty comment.
“Was it an ex?”
He asked the question a second time and part of you wanted to say yes but what was the point in lying?
“No. It was my mom.”
“Really? So it’s something that’s fucking with you pretty bad, huh?”
What the fuck?
“Why would you say that?”
“We’ve been working together for a while and the only time I can remember you excusing yourself to call your mom was when the Islanders offered you a job with less pay but closer to home.”
“How do you know about that?”
“I know you’re not exactly friends with me, but you are friends with other people on this team and maybe I asked them about you because maybe I was curious.”
Don’t fall for it, you told yourself. This was one of those small spots of kindness Matthew had recently started to show you. Now wasn’t the time to lose focus of the bigger picture.
“It’s nothing serious. I missed my mom, I wanted to call her.”
“You wanted to call her at almost midnight your time, much later her time, after you ran out on me?”
“Yes Matthew,” your tone was clipped, “is that problem?”
“No, no not at all. I get it. I miss my mom, my whole family actually, all the time.”
You weren’t going to give in and have this conversation with him. Matthew loved his family and was very close with them, it was obvious to anyone who spent even a small amount of time around him.
“Maybe you should call her,” the words came out more aggressive than you meant, “as far as I know, you haven’t spoken to her at all this week.”
“I’ve been texting her everyday, actually.”
If he was offended, he didn’t show it.
“Well,” you huffed, “good.”
Matthew was leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door, his whole beautiful torso on display, with a look in his eyes like he wanted to say something. You waited for him to make his move and watched as he opened and closed his mouth three times before finally saying anything.
“You looked good tonight, really, really good.”
His confession hit you like a semi truck veering off the highway and into a field of sunflowers. Don’t give in, don’t fucking do it, you willed yourself to ignore his comment but when he continued..
“I’ve never seen you like that, so sexy and confident, I’m honestly really fucking blown away by you right now.”
This was not what you expected and as much as you wanted to believe him, you knew this was just another kind kink in his chain of cruelty and you weren’t going to let him get the best of you again.
“Don’t say things you’ll regret when you’re sober in the morning.”
The silence between the two of you was heavy, neither choosing to say anything until you decided to break the hypothetical glass.
“Early game and even earlier practice tomorrow. You need to sleep, Matt. Come to bed.”
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Catching Feelings
Part: six
Previous | Masterlist | Next
Wordcount: 5980
Pairing: goblin!Yoongi x reader
Warnings: cursing, drinking, smoking, kissing
Summary: Yoongi, a 700 year old goblin who has grown tired of his eternal excistence and wishes to become human, must gain all the human emotions before he can achive this, but the only way to do so is by kissing the humans who possess them
A/N: this got a lot longer than i planned, so i hope it’s not too boring. Also hope the shift in narrator won’t be too confusing. Anyways I’m a little nervous about this chapter
[20:28]
Yoongi had experienced human parties before, but to be frank it had been quite awhile. The last time was probably back in the Joeson era if he remembered correctly. At that time Jin had dragged him along, and forced him to partake in every human activity imaginable, and so he did. He drank their alcohol, sang their songs and played their games much to everyone else’s amusement. Yoongi didn’t particularly understand why his old friend and the humans he used to surround himself with wanted to dedicate so much of their mortal time doing such silly things, but then again he never really understood much about them to begin with.
“Which one of these say ‘I’m down to do it, but I’m not a slut?’” Yoongi was immediately snapped out of his trip down memory lane as Jungkook waved, what looked to him like, two identical black t-shirts in front of his face.
“I don’t know,” Yoongi answered truthfully.
The younger man was clearly unsatisfied with the lack of help and let out a big sigh before turning his attention to Jin.
“Same question,” He said, and Jin examined the two options that had been laid before him for a second before he let out a short “left one”.
For the next couple of minutes Yoongi just sat on the coach and quietly watched as Jungkook and Jin were bickering with one another over some expensive watch of Jin’s that Jungkook wanted to borrow for the party.
“You never let me borrow any of your stuff” Jungkook whined.
“That’s because they’re my stuff” The older one huffed in response.
“But you have so many, and you never go out,” Jungkook began to argue. “Don’t you think it’s a shame that no one gets to see them?”
“Not my problem,” Jin said without giving an ounce of care for what the boy had just said, and said boy knew he had lost yet another argument with his immortal master.
Jin had changed a lot since Yoongi had last encountered him, he had noticed, and he couldn’t figure out if it was simply just the passing time or if it was living in the human world that was the course of his drastic change of character. The great and beautiful Kim Seokjin, that Yoongi remembered from centuries ago, loved humans and would never pass on an opportunity to be around them. Back then Yoongi had struggled to understand Jin’s fascination with mankind, but had nonetheless always followed his friend's request to indulge in anything the human world had to offer.
It was strange how the tables had turned, and it was now Yoongi that was chasing after humanity while it seemed like Jin had left it behind. This change was truly strange, Yoongi thought, he could have sworn that Jin at some point even had a human…
“The car is ready for you now,” Jin said to the two party goers in his house.
“Sweet!” Jungkook exclaimed “I call shotgun”
[21:02]
The moment Yoongi and Jungkook stepped out of the car, the cold winter air hit them like a titlewave, and Jungkook was regretting his decision to wear the short sleeved shirt. He tried to hide the shiver that was taking over his body as two girls, which were also wearing outfits that did not seem to fit the weather conditions, walked by. It didn't make sense to wear so little clothing this time of year, Yoongi thought, and he wondered what could be the reason why humans choose to expose so much skin despite it being so impractical.
As the two girls passed them, Jungkook sent them a slight head nod followed by a cheesy smile, which immediately sent the girls into a fit of giggles. Once the girls were out of hearing distance Jungkook nudged Yoongi in the side with his elbow and with a smug smile on his face he said “See what I mean? A smile like that will make any girl’s knee weak”. Yoongi nodded as to show he had heard the information given to him, but he was still processing what actually to do with it.
“You should try it”
“Try what?” Yoongi asked.
“Try smiling for once,” Jungkook commanded “Like this” To demonstrate his face morphed into a big warm smile, almost textbook perfect. Yoongi studied his face for a bit before he tried to mimic the expression. He slowly opened his mouth to show off his teeth like Jungkook was doing. It seemed a little awkward, maybe he wasn’t showing enough of the inside of his mouth, maybe he needed to make the smile even bigger. And so he did, putting his gums on full display for anyone to see.
“Jesus Christ! What the hell is that?” Jungkook exclaimed in terror upon seeing the goblin’s miserable attempt at smiling.
“Am I not performing it accordingly?” Yoongi questioned his teacher.
“If your a bloody psychopath, maybe”
“So I am doing it correctly?”
“No that’s not what I meant,” Jungkook said, a bit frustrated. “Maybe you should just stick to not smiling for now. You know, go for the whole dark and quiet mysterious guy type of thing instead. Girls dig that too.” Yoongi didn’t really need the humans to “dig” him. He just needed them to be able to share their emotions with him, but he did like the idea of doing it quietly. He wasn’t so sure about the mysterious part though.
“You just let me do the talking, okay?”
“Okay”
Yoongi barely got to respond, not that he had much to say anyways, before Jungkook was dragging him into the apartment complex where the party was taking place. Even though it was still early in the evening the small apartment was filled to the brim with intoxicated humans who all looked to be enjoying themselves, at least Yoongi thought so. He had observed that humans were a fairly social species and liked to be around each other, even though it meant being packed together in limited spaces like this. This fact was also a mystery for Yoongi, but then again solitude had for the most part of his long life been the only thing he had known.
“Taehyung!!” Jungkook shouted from across the room. “Over here!” Once Jungkook had caught the attention of the man he was calling, said man made it through the crowd of people to where they were standing.
“Hey, good to see you man” the guy said as he pulled Jungkook in for a half hearted side hug. “Who’s your friend?” The guy shifted his focus to Yoongi.
“This is my friend Yoongi,” Jungkook introduced. “He’s new in town. Hope it’s okay I brought him”
“As long as he doesn’t break anything” Taehyung said, a little tense and probably referring to some of the other party attendees. It seemed like Taehyung stock out of norm and didn’t enjoy a lot of other people in a small space.
“Don’t worry. Yoongi is cool” Jungkook answered for Yoongi.
“Well, drinks are in the kitchen. HEY!! What are you? A caveman?” Some guy had now caught Taehyung’s attention. “Use a fucking coaster!”
“Guess you have your hands full,” Jungkook laughed.
“You have no idea,” Taehyung sighed “I’m literally going to kill Jimin after I teach this guy some etiquette” and just like that Taehyung was back in the midst of people slowly disappearing “Come on guys! The table is antique”
[21:43]
Yoongi was sitting alone on the couch next to a couple that were too invested in each other to even notice he was there, while Jungkook had gone to the kitchen to get them something to drink. Yoongi thought his seat on the couch was a good spot for observing the humans and maybe even spot one he himself could kiss, but he found it hard to concentrate due to the couple making out, which kept catching his eye. Maybe this was actually a good opportunity for him to learn about the way humans do kissing. The male was seated on the couch while the female was on his lap with her hands around his neck. The male’s hands were all over her, one minute they were in her hair, the next on her bare thighs or waist. The way the couple kissed was a lot different from the way the TV couples Yoongi had watched as reference did. The couch couple were much more engaged and almost animalistic in their movements and sounds. Yoongi had thought that the kisses he had seen portrayed in dramas were probably pretty accurate, but now he wasn’t too sure. He decided that the couch couple next to him was probably a better representation since they were not actors in a role. The both of them did seem to be very skillful.
“Hey creep!” Jungkook shouted as he returned with a drink in each hand. “Don’t drool on the carpet”
“I wasn’t” Yoogi corrected him as he received one of the drinks from him.
“Then stop perverting on them”
“I was just observing them,” Yoongi told him.
“Is what a pervert would say,” Jungkook joked.
[22:00]
“What about her?” Jungkook pointed at the crowd filled with dancing bodies. “She’s hot”
“I don’t think she’s what I’m looking for” Yoongi dismissed Jungkook’s suggestion.
“Are you for real?” Jungkook exclaimed. “Just look at her,” Yoongi took a closer look at the woman Jungkook was talking about. “She is definitely feeling it.” The woman in question was dancing closely with another guy to the rhythm of the song and seemingly enjoying the way all eyes were on her.
And Yoongi too caught himself staring at her for a bit longer than he did the other humans around him. Could she maybe be the one to make him feel?
“And then he left me!” A loud female voice sobbed from across the room and managed to steal Yoongi’s gaze away from the woman dancing.
Even to Yoongi it was clear that the woman crying was extremely upset and therefore also extremely emotional, Yoongi thought.
“I have to go after him” she cried out to her friend who was trying to console her. She was headed towards the door, and Yoongi couldn’t let an opportunity like this slip through his finger, so without much thought he ran through the crowd determined not to lose sight of the crying girl. This resulted in him taking a few hits as he made his way through the sea of people, but because he was so focused on reaching the girl in time, he didn’t notice who he bummed into.
[22:40]
“Do you think she could have gone home?”
“I think that’s very likely,” Jungkook said. “We’ll probably have much better odds at finding another girl crying her eyes out in Tae’s bath room, besides it’s fucking freezing out here”
“You go in,” The older said. “I’m just gonna take a few more rounds around the block”
“Suit yourself, pal,” Jungkook gave Yoongi a pad on his shoulder before he began running towards the building entrance.
Yoongi then began walking again, looking at every bypasser to see if it was the one that he was looking for. He eventually made his way to a convenience store where a young couple were standing closely up against one another.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” the guy said. “I’ll never do it again”
“You promise?” the girl said with teary eyes.
“Yes, I promise” The two of them now began kissing as well, and this time it looked exactly like in the k-dramas. Once again Yoongi was left not knowing how this act between two people was supposed to be performed, but he knew that the girl had stopped crying and it would therefore no longer make sense for him to also lock lips with her.
Yoongi began heading back to the building where the party was, hobing it wasn’t too late for him to find a human to kiss. He was about to cross the road when he noticed a woman walking in his direction. It looked like she was coming right at him, and the closer she got to him, the more apparent the look in her eyes became, a look Yoongi had never seen displayed on any human before.
[17:05]
“Y/N!” The sudden knock on the bathroom door almost caused you to slip in the shower stall out of surprise. You had gone straight to Teahuyng’s apartment after class in order to help him get ready for the night, on the condition that you could shower at his place. “I need you to go to the store with Jimin.” Taehyung's voice came from the other side of the door. You turned off the water which you immediately regretted now that your body was missing the warm embrace it was providing.
“Jimin is a big boy. Why do I need to go with him?” You complained, wishing desperately that you could stay in the shower until you had used all of Taehyung’s hot water.
“Because we both know that this big boy will end up only buying booze and forget all the practical stuff,” Taehyung argued. “Oh and you have the best taste in snacks”
“Aghh fine,” you sighed in defeat. “Just give me 10 minutes and I’ll be out, okay”
[17:26]
Even though you had borrowed Taehyung’s sweats for your quick trip to the store, you still found yourself clinging to Jimin’s left arm in hopes of stealing some of his warmth.
“Why are you only clingy when you gain something from it?” Jimin said with annoyance as you still hung off of him as you entered the store.
“Survival of the fittest, baby” you sent him a teasing smile, which he returned with an eye roll and an attempt to push you off, but you were stubborn and stronger than you looked, and if Jimin didn’t wanted to cause a scene right in the middle of the supermarket, he would have to let you stay right where you were.
As expected Jimin steered the two of you in the direction off the alcohol aisle first thing. You didn’t have much say in which and the amount of bottles Jimin so carefully picked out from the shelves with his free hand.
“This should do it,” Jimin finally said proudly after almost 15 minutes of picking and choosing.
“You do know that Tae only agreed to a small gathering, right?” You asked your friend in disbelief.
“Yes, but what’s the fun in that?” he said with a mischievous grin growing on his face.
“He is going to kill you” you tried to warn him, but Jimin seemed to care more about making this night one to remember (or rather forget) than his potential murder.
You knew there was no point in trying to talk some sense into Jimin so you just shrugged your shoulders and said “Whatever. It’s your funeral”
Once you made your way to the snack aisle of the store, it was now your turn to be in charge of what needed to be selected, which by the way was just as important as the liquor. You knew that the difference between a good party and a great party was the snacks, no doubt about it, so you always took your time when deciding which ones would be the perfect choice for the maybe not so small celebration of Taehyung. Chips was always a safe choice, everyone likes them and they won't leave you full but they’ll still be satisfying nonetheless. Now what flavours to choose? You knew it was always a good idea to have something with a lot of salt, so the sea salt flavoured ones would be the smart choice to go with, but personally you found them so boring. Popcorn was a much better option for a salty snack.
“Jimin, can you grab the popcorn for me?” Jimin did as you commanded and threw the box into the already filled shopping cart. Okay, back to choosing chips flavours. Your personal favourite was sour cream & onion, though controversial, but you had to admit it was hard to find a good dip to go with it. Maybe you should just stick to the classic that was cheetos.
“What do you think? Sour cream & onion or cheetos?” You asked for guidance.
“Uhm Y/N…”
“You’re right. We should just take boht” you said and grabbed the two bags of chips with your left hand from the lower shelf.
“What? No that’s not it” Jimin stammered hesitantly. When you looked up and in the direction of Jimin’s gaze, you understood why. On their way into the aisle, was your fuck buddy, or ex fuck buddy, with his other fuck buddy turned girlfriend holding his hand. You immediately made eye contact with Johnny and suddenly became super aware of the way you were still clinging to Jimin’s side. You tried to distance yourself from him, but it was now Jimin’s turn to not let go of you.
“Hey guys” Jisoo said in a cheerful tone as she and Johnny made their way over to you and Jimin. “Wow That’s some party you’re throwing” she giggled as she noticed the interior of your shopping cart.
“Oh yeah” you said “Taehyung got an internship so we’re celebrating. You should come”
“No we wouldn’t want to tag along” Johnny said for the first time.
“It’s fine, you wouldn’t. Right Jimin?” you looked to your friend for back up.
“Uhm sure,” he said “The more, the merrier”
“Okay, see you there then” Johnny sent you one last awkward smile before he and Jisoo went back to their own shopping.
[17:45]
“Now why would you invite them?” Jimin asked in all seriousness once you left the store.
“Why wouldn’t I?” you asked, trying to sound surprised by his question. “Johnny and Jisoo are cool, and I’m sure you’ve already invited a dosin of people”
“Yeah but they’re not my ex”
“Johnny is not my ex, though” you corrected him.
“You know what I mean,” Jimin said annoyed.
“So if you and I stop messing around, would you want me to not invite you to parties anymore?” you said teasingly.
“Shut up. You would miss me to much”
“In the bedroom or at the parties” you questioned him with a growing grin on your face.
“Both” he said confidently, and rightfully so. “But don’t you think it will be awkward?”
“It’s only awkward if we make it awkward” you told yourself.
“And you’re not the slightest bit jealous?”
“I’ve told you I’m not”
“You’re a fucking ice queen, you know that?” Jimin laughed at your seemingly lack of any human emotions.
“It’s one of my biggest virtues” you smiled at him.
“Except this ice queen is very bothered by the cold,” he joked before pulling you into his space again making sure you were warm.
[19:13]
“Is that what you’re wearing?” It slipped out of Taehyung when you stepped out of the bathroom where you had gotten ready. You looked down at the outfit you had brought with you from home and didn’t see why Taehyung would question it.
“Yeah, why? Anything wrong with it?” You asked.
“No, nothing wrong with it. It’s just a lot,” he clarified. “Or less, I guess” he grinned. You suppose he was right, but you had worn similar outfits in the past. The short skirt, showing of your legs and the skin tight top hugging your curves was nothing new.
“Yeah I know” you said “It’s kinda the whole point”
“Gonna show Johnny exactly what he’s missing” Jimin chimed in. Jimin wasn’t entirely wrong, but you were never going to admit that and it wasn’t like you had planned to run into him at the grocery store.
“No,” you said firmly “I picked this outfit out way before I knew Johnny was gonna be here”
“Johnny’s coming?” Taehyung asked with both a confused and concerned look on his face.
“And Jisoo,” Jimin said.
“Seriously!?” Taehyung whined “I told you guys not to invite friends”
“Whatever grandpa,” Jimin dismissed Taehyung’s words. “So tell me Y/N, if you’re not planning on making Johnny boy jealous, why the outfit then?”
“I always wear things like this” you tried to defend yourself.
“Yes, but not in the middle of winter, you don’t” Namjoon’s rational self joined the conversation that was unfolding. You were taken aback by Namjoon’s sharp optivational skills and searched your brain for a clever comeback or a perfectly rational reason for your decision to wear the revealing outfit, but nothing came to mind.
“I-l” you stammered “I don’t have to tell you anything” you said in defeat, knowing all too well that your friends would never let it go until you in fact told them.
“Let me guess then,” Jimin said with a devil-like expression on his face. “You plan to find Johnny’s replacement tonight” Fuck, you didn’t even realized that was what you were doing when you picked out what to wear. Why did Jimin have to know you better than you knew yourself at times?
Jimin took your silence as a sign that he had been right on the money. “Am I not enough for you?” he said, faux offended. “I’m hurt”
“Will you just shut up!” you exclaimed at his annoying teasing.
[21:26]
Hobi was a saint, that much you knew, and he had made it his life mission to make sure that you were okay, and tonight that meant never leaving your glass empty, especially everytime you would run into Johnny and Jisoo. Hobi would try to steer you in the opposite direction saying either you or he needed a refill. You appreciated your friend’s efforts to spare your feelings, but it really wasn’t necessary, you were fine. You had no reason to be anything but. You didn’t want what Johnny and Jisoo had, and you knew you could never give that to Johnny, so it was a good thing that they had found each other, you truly believed that. You tried to explain this to Hobi, but he still looked at you with pity in his eyes.
“Seriously Hobi, I’m fine” you reassured him “The only thing a feel is sorry for the poor guy trapped next to them on the couch as they make out” you sent Hobi the biggest smile you could plaster on your face to really convince him that everything was just fine. Hobi seemed to finally buy your words as he grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to the living room that had become the unofficial dance floor. The amount of people in Taehyung’s small apartment made it difficult to fully unfold on the dancefloor, so you and Hobi opted for a more grinding close up at each other kind of dance.
This was nice, you had fun and was drunk off your ass, something you probably wouldn’t be able to do if you were in Jisoo’s position. You wondered if Jisoo would get jealous if she caught Johnny looking at you like this. You glanced over, and, wow, they were still going at it on the coach. Did they even care that there were others around them? Probably not. That was how it was to be in love. For a second you couldn’t help but think that it could have been you on Johnny’s lap if you had let him get close to you, blissfully unaware of your surroundings. It looked nice though, but no, that was not what you wanted. You liked your freedom and you liked simple, and one thing you knew was that once you gave that part of yourself, things stopped being simple. You liked how things were, and maybe you just needed someone new to remind you of that. That guy in the corner had been staring at you for a while now, not that you could blame him. You tried sneaking in a few glances at him to see if he was your type without being too obvious about it. You couldn’t get a proper look at him, but it didn’t really matter since he had this weird energy around him, which told you everything you needed to know about him.
“What are you doing?” Hobi had noticed the way your dancing now seemed a lot more calculated from only moments prior.
“7 o’clock” you whispered to him.
“What are you talking about?” Hobi asked over the music.
“The guy in the corn…” Wait where did he go? You looked around, your eyes searching through the room when your eyes landed on a moving silhouette who was charting towards you. Oh shit, he had finally gathered his courage and decided to come talk to you. “Okay stay calm,” you told yourself “you’re the ice queen, remember”. You straightened your back and pushed your chest slightly forward ready to show this guy exactly who he was up against.
“Hi, I-“ you were cut off before you could even get to the verb of your planned sentence. The guy had just walked straight past you, and bumping into your shoulder in the process. The fuck! Who did he think he was? Even if you had completely misinterpreted his intentions, the least he could do was apologize for the shoulder injury he had coursed in the collision.
“Man down. I repeat, man down” Jimin was dying of laughter because of the scene that had just unfolded in Taehyung’s living room. Seriously, why did Jimin’s annoying ass had to see you fail so miserably. You knew he would never let this go.
[22:56]
Upon your failure and the intense dancing session with Hoseok, you had lost most of your energy, and your feet and legs felt heavy. It seemed like Johnny and Jisoo had decided to move their make out session to somewhere more private since the couch was now all abbonned, and you saw a unique opportunity to get to sit down.
Like a sack of potatoes you fell into the soft cushions followed by Hobi, and for a brief moment you closed your eyes and leant back, but the moment soon passed as you could feel a pair of concerned eyes on your face. You forced your eyes to open again, and they of course were met with Hoseok’s.
“Are you okay?” he asked for the hundredth time that night.
“Yes, I just need to relax for a bit” you told him truthfully.
A cheeky smile appeared on your friend’s face “I might actually be able to help you with that” You looked at him with confusion painted on your face “Uhm okay that sounds kinda sketchy” Hoseok didn’t seemed to mind your weariness as he began to search the insides of his pockets.
“Tada!!” he cheered excitedly as he held out a neatly rolled blunt in front of your face. “This should do the trick”.
You didn’t normally smoke and the couple of times you had, it had been with Hobi. Both times you had been a giggling mess, which now that you thought about it wouldn’t be too bad. You could also need the relaxed and warm feeling you had experienced the other times you had gotten high.
“Fuck it,” You finally said. “You got a lighter?” But as Hobi fumbled after one, a dark looming figure appeared behind you.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Shit! You jumped in your seat and nearly kicked over the bottles that were placed on the small coffee table.
“Uhm… N-nothing” you managed to stutter even though the evidence of what you were planning was still on full display in the palm of Hoseok’s hand.
“For fuck sake!” Taehyung exclaimed. “Do you want me to lose my depositum?”
“No,” Hoseok chimed in. “But don’t be such a party pooper. She needs this” The death glare Taehyung sent Hobi shut him up immediately.
“I’m so fucking stressed” he whined “But please just go outside” he almost pleaded. You would have felt sorry for him, but then you remembered he had made you go to the store with wet hair, something that was still causing you to shiver.
“But Tete it’s freezing outside” You tried to convince him, but there was no use in trying as he coldly responded with a “Not my problem.” And that was how you found yourself outside on the sidewalk in your miniskirt in the middle of winter trying to get high. Your hands were shaking as you tried to guide the blunt to your lips, which made it way more difficult than it needed to be. This made Hobi, who had just passed it to you, laugh uncontrollably. You found yourself starting to laugh along with him since it kinda dawned on you how ridiculous this whole situation was and how much of a fool you had made of yourself in the span of this night.
“What are you two maniacs laughing at?” Jimin and Namjoon had gone outside as well to get some fresh air, Jimin with some drunk girl under his arm and Namjoon with his red solo cup in hand.
“Y/N she’s,” Hobi said between giggles. “She’s fucking saking”
“Facts!” You yelled.
“You really should have worn something else” Mr. Know-it-all-Namjoon said.
“I know, I know, I’m a dumbass” you admitted.
“Yes you fucking are,” Jimin said “Want to borrow my jacket?” You looked him up and down before making eye contact.
“Won’t your friend be cold?” You referred to the girl haning to his side.
“Mhm…” He looked down at the girl. “You cold, baby girl?”
“No, daddy” she said with a sweet voice, and you couldn’t help but blur out a “Ew” upon hearing her nickname for Jimin.
“Someone’s in a bad mood,” Jimin teased. “And I bet it’s not entirely because of the cold” You knew he was referring to your brutal rejection in the living room.
“Listen the guy was in a hurry, okay,” you began to defend yourself. “If he wasn’t, he would have been all over me”
“You sure about that?” Hoseok annoyingly joined the conversation.
“Yes, not that it matters anyways. He was fucking rude. Lucky he got away before I could give him a piece of my mind.” You said seriously.
“Guess it’s your lucky day, then” Namjoon said and pointed to somewhere across the streets, and everybody’s heads turned to see what he had meant by his statement. You squeezed your eyes trying to see more clearly who it was standing alone on the other side of the street across from you. Something about the unidentified silhouette somehow drew you in, like a special energy. Wait a minute, it was him! The guy from earlier. Seriously, what were the changes?
“Now’s your chance,” Jimin dared you. Why did he have to know exactly how to get under your skin. You couldn’t stand to lose face once more that evening, so before you knew it you were crossing the street. And to be honest you were ready to go tell this guy exactly who he had been oh so rude to. On your way over you were gearing yourself up and practically fuming when you finally reached your destination, but that all disappeared once you found yourself standing face to face with the stranger and all the things you had planned to say in your head was completely gone the second the stranger had captured you with his gaze. He didn’t say or do anything, just looked at you, awaiting your first move.
“I-I uhm.. You” you stuttered trying to go somewhere with your words, but the man in front of you didn’t let you.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked abruptly which caught you off guard.
“What?” Were you hearing this correctly or were you just hearing what you wanted to hear.
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” he asked nonchalantly. Was he really being serious, or was he just being a jerk like earlier? Your better judgement told you it was the latter, but you still found your body leaning in closer and closer to the man.
“Okay” you agreed mindlessly as you closed the gap between the two if you as he placed his hand on your cheek and began to move his lips gently over yours. As he did so, you were passively taking everything in, enjoying being kissed on the sidewalk on a winter's night by a stranger who seemed to know exactly how to use his lips. You rested your own hands on his slim waist, slightly tugging at his jacket, while you began to reciprocate his kiss. He tasted so deliciously, it made your head spin, and before you knew it you were eagerly kissing him back with everything you got. His lips parted ever so slightly and you felt both greedy and bold, and seized the opportunity to sneak your tongue passed his lips. He followed your lead perfectly as both of your tongues entangled themselves with one another. The contact with his tongue send a shiver down your spine nonetheless, but weirdly enough ever since you had entered his space, you had stopped shivering from the cold, a first for the night, and now the only thing that made you shiver was the warm bubbly feeling you felt inside every time his tongue would grace yours, making you muffle soft moans against his mouth. His kiss was intoxicating and addictive, and you just couldn’t get enough of it, and to your surprise, you were so desperate for more, but somehow you didn’t care to try and hide the fact. For some reason he had this power over him that made you lose all senses and better judgement.
The kiss was getting sloppier now as you found it hard to control yourself with him, but when he put his hand on your hip, you almost lost it completely as your skin was practically burning under his touch. Who was this guy, seriously? And why did he have the ability to get you this rilled up merely from just kissing? You didn’t care enough to break from his lips to ask, you just drank in every last bit of him, dreading the moment you would have to let go of him. He must be some kind of god of kissing to have you feel this way, since kissing was normally your least favourite part. It was more times than not just something to get out of the way before moving on to something more daring. This was so unlike you.
In a perfect world you wouldn’t have to let go of him, but you had to break from his lips to catch your breath, and as you pulled away from each other a string of saliva was still connecting you. Neither of you said anything, and Yoongi was looking at you like he was trying to solve a code. All of a sudden you felt shy under his intense stare as if you hadn’t just sucked his face.
Yoongi was the first one to break the silence. “Nothing,” he blurted out.
“I’m sorry, what?” you asked.
“I felt nothing,” he sounded disappointed. ”Just now”. And just like that you were back to being cold.
You opened your mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out, and much to your surprise he stripped himself of his jacket and placed it over your shoulders. “Here, this is better” he said matter of factly before he turned on his heel and started walking away without another word, leaving you dumbfounded. You would probably have stood like that until the sun came up if you hadn’t been pulled back to reality by the sound of your long forgotten friend’s laughter from across the street. This was really a miserable ending to a just as miserable evening.
Taglist:
@strawberriewithchocolate-blog @salad-bar-but-with-more-options @sugaaddiction @min-yus @tonightletspretend @preciouschimine @ggukkieland @peterparkerspjsuit @simpinforyoongi @loveyoongles @kevinssecretplace4546
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Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-notes, thank you so much for the work you’ve put into this blog. It’s been really helpful for understanding myself better. Right now I’m (ISFJ) currently trying to help my friend (INFJ) who’s expressed she needs help. I’ve explored your INFJ tag but I’m still uncertain how to approach this so I’d like to consult you directly.
Right now, her life is moving very slowly. She said she’s fine working in a low-level career as long as there’s a liveable wage and decent coworkers. That makes sense, but she also doesn’t feel like her job means anything, which I know is important for INFJs. She’s terrified of taking risks (not that I blame her—I’m right there with her), so she’s aiming for “safe” job options.
I was wondering if it’s at all possible for an INFJ to become okay with a just-within-budget life without having a sense of failure, which she has told me she wants to settle for. If she can become happy hunkering down then I’d like to help her get there.
-----------------------
Would you believe me if I said that it's possible to be content anywhere, doing anything, as long as you approach the situation with the right mindset? Most people wouldn't believe it. Why? Perhaps they lack imagination and can only conceive of one (unhappy) way of approaching the situation. Or perhaps, intellectually, they know there are other approaches, but their powers of imagination are too weak to bring better approaches to life in the real world.
Suffice it to say that for Ns to mature, they must develop their powers of imagination, such that they're open to possibility, able to generate new possibilities as needed, and able to realize the best potentialities. When Ns lose access to imagination or aren't able to use it well, they become stagnant, which is akin to death for them.
"Meaning" is subjective because it is largely dependent on how you choose to perceive and interpret situations. There are many ways of looking at any given situation. How you choose to look at the situation will help you determine the best course of action. But if you have a weak imagination and only have one way of looking at things, your options will seem to be severely limited.
Using career as an example: Reality contains both the positive and the negative. Thus, no matter the job, there will always be some positive and negative elements to it. When people are unhappy or in a foul mood, they tend to focus more and more on the negative elements and eventually lose touch with the positive, becoming consumed by negativity. Or when people are too afraid to make a big change in life, they might hyperfocus on the positive elements and live in denial of the negative, gradually descending into delusion. In either case, their view of the situation isn't objective.
In order to determine whether a job actually suits oneself (i.e. whether a job can conjure up enough personal meaning), one must have an objective view of the pros and cons and how they weigh against each other. Only by making a fair evaluation can one determine the best way forward. But a fair evaluation isn't possible when you aren't able to see the bigger picture.
If you only see the negative and become blind to the positive, how would it affect your decision-making? Maybe you'll just jump from one thing to another without any real direction because you can't find meaning in anything, even when the opportunities exist. Or, if you keep trying to convince yourself that everything is "good enough" and that the bad is "not that bad" even when it is actually quite bad, how would it affect your decision-making? Maybe you'll stay too long in a meaningless situation and life stagnates.
For anyone, including INFJs, to make good decisions, they have to correct the above problems of perception. To grow, INFJs have to acknowledge that they have full control over how they look at situations and make a conscious choice to get the whole bigger picture before jumping to judgment (healthy Ni). They have to acknowledge any lack of imagination and work to open up the mind to alternative views (via Fe aux development). They have to be transparent in admitting that they sometimes choose the wrong way of looking at things because it allows them to deflect problems and rationalize away bad decisions (Ti loop).
Once dominant Ni is more aligned with larger truths, it is easier for INFJs to develop clear ideas about their needs, wants, desires, and aspirations, many of which are likely to be related to Fe development. They have to be able to tell the difference between needs and wants and which should be prioritized or disregarded. Then, they have to take the initiative to fulfill them as necessary, by choosing healthy and productive paths forward in life. When they are lacking in ideas, they should seek out inspiration or help from someone with the right expertise to guide them. For example, perhaps she should consult with a career counselor.
NFs need to maintain faith in the notion of potential. They need to have a continual sense of growing into a better version of themselves. In order to do this, they have to learn to be a person of integrity. They have to be honest, honorable, and true with regard to how they think, feel, and behave. They need this "congruence of being" to ground their ideas and make the best decisions for themselves. Whether or not you can help with that partly depends on how willing they are to confront the problem bravely and honestly.
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chapter six: come to your love
—from DISCRETION series
Summary: you incidentally met a notorious CEO and your gut told you that you must claim this man. and even the fact that he’s engaged to someone else didn’t stop you from achieving what you want.
Pairings: CEO! Mark x Designer! Reader
Warnings: none
Words: 1384
—previous: chapter five-distraction
“Is there a problem?”, Mark stops at the red light, his fingers tapping on the wheel.
“I’m having a fashion show in France”, you say casually, “This is my first show of wedding dress.”
Suddenly Mark feels there’s something wrong, he narrows his eyes at you. “First show? I thought you only make wedding dress?”
You tilt your head, smiling at him. “Is it because you didn’t investigate properly or I cover everything up too well?”
You don’t care what type of clothing is that, as long as you have a muse, it will simply be given your brand name tag. And if you’re being honest, everything was planned so that you’re the designer for Yeri, you didn’t mean to ruin the wedding or anything, it’s just an excuse for you to see Mark more frequently. He doesn’t answer you though, continues driving until you stop at a restaurant.
Following him inside the restaurant, the staffs there all display an astonished look when they see you.
“Mr Lee, we have prepared everything as you demanded.”, a waitress said. He nods slightly before stepping inside.
“You and Yeri come here regularly huh?”, you walk faster to catch up with Mark.
“Why would you ask?”
“They’re all shocked, they must be wondering why a beautiful girl like me is here with you instead of your fiancé!”, you give him a side glance.
Walking inside the booked VIP room, you angrily pull out a chair to sit down, you face says it all. Mark knows for certain that you never want to be a rebound let alone going to a restaurant that he always goes with his future wife.
“Look at yourself, you still think you’re beautiful looking like that?”, he mocks you.
You confidently dart your eyes at him, “Of course, if I ever look pathetic, I am still pathetically mesmerized!”
Mark can’t help but giggles at you. His eyes don’t leave you, the girl in front of him has completely lived in his head rent free. He can not focus on anything recently, although Mark looks like he doesn’t care but deep down inside he‘s craving to see you. Since when a man like him has to make up something as an excuse of taking the wedding dress for Yeri just to see you. Even when he’s on his way to your place, he can’t stop thinking about you, your eyes, your smile, your voice. You were right, Yeri totally can’t compare to you whatsoever. When he saw you, all tired like that, he felt there was something breaking his heart. He has always wanted to see if there’s a day an arrogant person like you lose her confidence but when he finally witnessed it, he felt like he’s torturing himself.
You are eating like you’ve been starving for ages, unconscious about your surroundings, just shove everything into your mouth recklessly.
Mark looks at you, “Don’t you worry that you’re ruining your image to me?”
You aren’t even bothered to look up, “Is there anything else of me that you haven’t seen? My image to you is not important anymore.”, you stop a little, “You should get used to it so when we live together, you won’t be shocked.”
He has to admit he’s lost this game to you, totally lost, voluntarily lost. You’re too adorable and too cruel that he can’t help but fall in love with you, Mark didn’t know that there’s a day he loves someone.
You put the chopsticks down, “I’m sleepy.”, you can barely open your eyes.
He comes across the table, “Okay, let’s go to sleep.”, his hand runs through your hair.
Something pops up on your mind, the scene of you and Mark in your office. He glances at you, seeing your ears and your cheeks are now bright red, he smirks.
“I’ll let you choose a position.”, he whispers into your ears.
You gulp, his breath on your ear sends shivers down your spine. You push him to the side, quickly run out the hall, waiting for him to purchase.
You take your phone out to check the time, a call pops up on your lock screen, you frown. “Hello?”
“All the flight to France will be cancelled tomorrow due to the blizzard. We have to go this afternoon.”, you can hear that Alicia is apparently on the rush.
“Pick me up in two hours.”
You hang up as you see a cab nearby. You send Mark a quick text so that he won’t be worried.
—
Mark was busy with tons of work, he’s been practically living in his office, utterly forgot that there’s only theee days left due his wedding with Yeri. Since the day he visited you, she didn’t find him once. He puts his pen down, stretching his shoulders. You still haven’t called Mark, it was the first time someone had a gut to abandon him.
All of a sudden, the telephone on his desk rings, “Yes?”
“Ms Kim...she wants to see you, she’s messing up everything here.”, Mark’s assistant speaks nervously on the phone.
He rings off the call instantly and walks outside. There’s only a few days but Yeri looks completely different, she lost some weights, her eyes glinting with rage and vexation. Catching Mark’s strolling outside the office, she immediately speaks to him.
“Mark Lee! You’re cheating on me, aren’t you?”
Mark’s ego is just the same as yours, or it could even be bigger. There was no one dare to point a finger at his face and talk to him like that.
“You’ve done?”
Yeri always builds a tender image for herself, in order to keep Mark beside her. But anger is blurring her mind at the moment, turning the woman into her real being.
“Don’t think that you can be with that bitch behind my back, the wedding is due in three days, there’s no way I’ll let you two together!”
His patience has gone when you were being shamed like that, he can’t stand this woman going off on him, flattering herself.
“Kim Yeri, I hope that you can use your brain and think carefully. One, fuck off and wait for the wedding day...or two, you know there’s nothing that I can’t do, this wedding is not that important either.”
Mark truly means it if Yeri keeps acting like this, he will make her regret for the rest of her life. The woman tightens her fists, walks out of his office without a word.
—
In France
You decided to do the show at your villa, somewhere familiar to you. Most of the guests have already arrived.
“Quel est le problème?” (Is there any problem?), Alicia wanders around checking everything. You follow her, seeing the models with your designs, you smile in pride feeling like you’ve accomplished something.
Quickly all the white lights are replaced with the sky blue color, painting the atmosphere with romance and sentiment. One by one, the models with gorgeous Western wedding dresses walk on the stage, keeping the guests on the edge of their seats.
Inside the changing room, your face darken, “Flowers? Where are they?!”, Alicia yells.
You take out a piece of fabric with the beige color in the drawer, cut it into smaller pieces and braid them together. You don’t have much time, you have to walk out with the vedette. When the last model performs, Alicia almost cries, “Y/N, you’ve done yet?!”
“Alright!”, you swipe the sweat on your forehead, giving your handmade bouquet a last look before hand it to the vedette.
When you walk on the stage, your naturally mesmerizing charisma magically overweighs the model beside you. All the guests stand up as give you an admirable applause.
“Y/N, everything was fantastic, you’re a genius!”
When the show has ended, Mrs Moren with her husband come to talk to you. You smile softly at the middle aged woman, “Thank you, uhm I’m so sorry but can we meet up again someday?”
“What’s wrong?”, she questions.
“My love is getting married, I have to steal him back, he’s my life.”
Mrs Moren smiles when she sees you talking about your love, your face brightens up, your eyes glinting sparkles. You remind her when she fell in live with her husband.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay, come to your love.”
©️ DREAMYKRAM. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
taglist: @nuoyii @jjikyuu @keemburley @skrtbeepbeep @sunshinedhyuck @jenotation @cloudykeiji @generantionct (i can not tag you)
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Ep 17 part one
(Masterpost of all the rewatches) (Canary’s pinboard of original content)
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
Inaccessible
Wei Wuxian hides in a boat among the lotuses next to a pier in Lotus Pier, the second-most-literally-named home in the show, after The Burial Mounds. This pier has a railing that goes all the way around it, without any ladders or anything. Not to be ADA on main but this means if you can't Jedi jump, you're fucked.
Hefeng Liquor
While Wei Wuxian waits and tries, not very successfully, to keep his shit together, he hears the guards talking about the local booze that they're going to drink at their murder victory party. We learn, in a desaturated flashback (that OP has done her best to resaturate), that this is lotus-infused wine invented by Wei Wuxian during happier days.
He kicks the flashback off with his favorite activity, Unnecessarily Erotic Beverage Drinking. (gifset) I’ve slowed this gif down so we can all appreciate the unnecessariness. The way his hand caresses that leaf OMG
Hopefully he is not drinking lake water out of that leaf. Side note: How is it possible that Xiao Zhan doesn't have a drinking water endorsement deal? I had to resort to Zhu Yilong's brand of water for this gag. I figure if it's good enough to pour directly onto a lightning burn like they do in The Lost Tomb Reboot, it's good enough for a leaf hummer chastely drinking out of a leaf
(more behind the cut!)
In his memory, Jiang Cheng tells him to stop fucking around and come help with the basket of lotus pods. Wei Wuxian responds by grabbing one for himself and then sitting his ass down and not helping. Cause he’s a motherfucking P.I.M.P.
Emotional Rescue
Wen Ning arrives on the pier with Jiang Chang, to Wei Wuxian's extreme relief. Look how much emotion Xiao Zhan is able to convey even with half of his face hidden, my lord.
Wen Ning carries Jiang Cheng on his back, in an echo of other significant piggyback rides in Wei Wuxian's life.
Wei Wuxian's relief is at war with his fear, seeing his brother in such bad shape. Remember, these are cultivators, who heal quickly and mostly don't get their asses beat this hard. The only time Wei Wuxian has been comatose was after the Xuanwu cave, and that was probably because of his prolonged contact with resentful energy/Yin iron.
Hibernating Zidian
Wen Ning gets ready for his first, but not his last, boat ride with an unconscious Yunmeng brother in it. He tells Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng is pretty fucked up but isn't dead.
Then he gives Zidian to him. Before we talk about Zidian, let's talk about BAMF Wen Ning. Wen Ning is an awkward goofball. He’s also insanely competent at just about everything--wine-drugging, dude-smuggling, corpse retrieval, dog acupuncture, drug pushing. As well as shooting rocks out of the air and, later, beating zombie ass, and resisting mind control. .
This is the foundation of their friendship; it’s not actually about Wei Wuxian being nice to the weird kid. He initially sought Wen Ning out for the same reason he sought out weird kid Lan Wangji--his martial skill. He accepts his weirdness and is protective of him because of his missing-spirit problem, but he did not befriend him out of altruism.
Wei Wuxian is so forgiving that he can smile fondly when looking at the weapon that whipped the shit out of him a couple of days ago.
Wei Wuxian puts Zidian down right next to Jiang Cheng's hand and...nothing happens. It doesn't recognize him or spark to life. This didn't seem meaningful when I watched it the first time, but rewatching...yikes. It KNOWS.
Wei Wuxian admits, with tears in his eyes, that there is nowhere safe for him to go with Jiang Cheng, and Wen Ning immediately offers care and shelter. Even though that is putting his own life at serious risk.
Life obligation is a common theme in CDramas. It’s often something a person chooses as a way of showing love. Guardian builds an eternal romance out of two people saving each other’s lives over and over. But accepting the obligation is a choice (in fantasy dramas, if not in real life). Love and Redemption has a gloriously harsh sequence where a life is saved, and the save-ee cooly rejects the saver.
Every time Wen Ning saves Wei Wuxian, he cites that one time that Wei Wuxian saved him from the water demon. And Wei Wuxian cites this rescue right here when he throws everything away to save Wen Ning. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng doesn't acknowledge any debt to Wen Ning at all, only--grudgingly--to Wen Qing. And people are ok with that.
Basically all this is to say that I think Wen Ning leans into this life debt because he loves Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian leans into it because he loves him back. Non-romantically, I think...at least on Wei Wuxian’s part. YMMV.
They go to pick up Yanli from their Granny, telling her to go into hiding. She starts to cry, not knowing how she'll manage on her own. Wei Wuxian tells her that they will come back, as Wen Ning looks super unsure about that.
Of course Wei Wuxian can't know, at this point, whether they will come back. Wei Wuxian always wants to make everybody feel better, and sometimes you really can't make someone feel better except by lying. He compulsively says shit that he thinks people want to hear, almost as if he was beaten frequently and arbitrarily as a child.
Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational boat ride industry, as he rows the Yunmeng trio through some amazingly beautiful scenery.
Core Melting Time
Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier The Yunmeng Supervisory Office, Wen Chao is hung over, Wen Chao is angry, Yawn
For some reason, Wang Lingjiao has suddenly decided to talk to Wen Chao in the most cloying and annoying way possible.
Also, the fact that she still addresses him as Gongzi when she is totally fucking him is kind of great. This is like those fics where Elizabeth Bennet calls Mr. Darcy "Mr. Darcy" even when they're married and hitting it.
Wen Zhuliu demonstrates why he's called Core-Melting Hand, by punishing the wine guard. He's able to melt a guy's core by grabbing him by the throat, and also picks him up, Darth Vader style, for extra meltyness.
All that stuff I said last time about Wen Zhuliu feeling ambivalent about being a villian...yeah, he seems to have gotten that right out of his system.
Chilling in Yiling
Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational carriage ride industry. Wei Wuxian, after presumably several hours in the cart, decides that now is a good time to get curious about where they are going.
Here we start to see a new side of Wei Wuxian. Before this he was carefree, other than specific worries about his friends. He confronted danger with lightness and humor, or with temporary fear, that he let go of once the danger passed. Now, after all the deaths and seeing Jiang Cheng so injured, he's twitchy, anxious, and angry.
Very, very angry.
When he realizes that Wen Ning has brought them to the Yiling supervisory office, he goes off, demanding to know whose home this was before the Wens took it and grabbing Wen Ning and shoving him into a decorative...decoration. He thinks Wen Ning brought them here to harm them.
I wouldn't have thought such a pretty dude could be so menacing, but holy crap.
The way he's confronting Wen Ning here is not his normal style. He's not trying to provoke a bigger fight like he usually does; he's not trying to create distance, the way Jiang Cheng does. He's very intimate, getting right in his face and maintaining eye contact. He trusted Wen Ning and feels personally betrayed.
Shy little Wen Ning is remarkably calm when confronted like this. Wen Ning really isn’t afraid of anything, despite his general air of nervousness. (Full gifset of Angry WWX over here.)
He calmly and kindly explains the situation. He doesn't appeal to Wei Wuxian's trust, saying "oh I would never;" he appeals to his logic, which gets through to him.
Wen Qing comes out and the guards start banging on the door and Wei Wuxian flips out again, grabbing a sword and pointing it at Wen Qing as she decides what to do. Wen Qing seems unruffled by Wei Wuxian's sword pointing, and we see her weighing up the situation.
She makes her decision, sending the guards away and deciding to help the fugitives, officially joining the Clear Conscience Club. She could probably get Wen Ning out of trouble by turning them in, but she opts to put personal loyalty and her belief in her own ideals ahead of her family's safety.
Wei Wuxian is not ok. He’s just not ok. He tries to act like it after they get settled in with Wen Qing, but he's not, and I think that plays into his next several choices.
Next comes a whole sequence of Jiang Cheng being unconscious with pins in his head--ow--while Wei Wuxian twitchily tends to him.
This sequence is kind of unfair to Jiang Yanli. What matters to the story here is Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's relationship, so that’s the focus of these scenes. But really, there is no way Jiang Yanli would not be at Jiang Cheng's side unless she was literally unconscious herself. Let's assume Wen Qing stuck a needle in her to make her rest while she has a fever. Shippers should also feel free to assume that Wen Qing spent hours at her bedside, tenderly wiping her forehead and holding her hand as she recovered.
In his sleep, while Wei Wuxian sits by his side, Jiang Cheng calls for his sister, mother, and father, but not for his brother. Ouch.
Let's pause to appreciate Wei Wuxian's new outfit, which is the sort of getup most people in this society probably imagine Yiling Laozu wearing, rather than the low-key homespun stuff he actually spends his Yiling year in. This robe has fancy shoulders, shiny material, touches of Jiang purple, strange red hoody strings, and a fuckin' CAPE. He didn't bring any luggage with him from Lotus Pier, although he's still got his Yin Turtle Sword hidden in a bag of holding. So the most likely explanation is that Wen Ning hooked him up with this lewk. "Wei Wuxian is a nice person. He should have a magnificent cape."
Wen Wing and Wei Wuxian take a breather to stand on the porch and work out what their status is with each other, like a couple of fucking adults, which is amazing. Basically Wei Wuxian is ready to forget earlier Wen shenanigans, but is going to avenge Lotus Pier.
Wen Qing isn't enthusiastic about that but doesn't argue, just asking, mostly rhetorically, if he plans to kill her too. He's uncomfortable considering that; the role of avenger isn't one that's comfortable for him, although he turns out to be extremely good at it. He does not, of course, plan to kill her too. In a few months, imprisoned in a Wen dungeon, she will be the only Wen left alive after Wei Wuxian 1.5(No-Gold Edition) and Chenqing come to visit.
Jiang Cheng finally wakes up, and the first thing he does is to test out his spiritual power by hitting Wei Wuxian as hard as he can.
DUDE.
Look at Wei Wuxian's face, as he goes from happy, to shocked and hurt, to laughing it off. It's exactly like when Jiang Cheng shoved him in the Rock Lady temple. Has Wei Wuxian spent all of his years with Jiang Cheng going from affection, to hurt feelings, to pretending it's fine? God, I think he probably has.
This episode raises a question that will come up again later, but never be answered. That question is, what the fuck are these weird footies and why the fuck does Jiang Cheng wear them to bed?
Jiang Cheng reveals that his golden core is gone, that he can't cultivate any more, which means he can't avenge his parents or achieve any ambitions in life. Nobody has apparently given any thought to why Wen Zhuliu is called "Core-Melting Hand" before this, which is hilarious, frankly. If I fought with a guy called, for example, Brain-Eating Mouth, I think I would make certain assumptions about him and what he planned to do with my brain.
Something interesting is happening in this moment, because as he comes fully back to consciousness, Jiang Cheng pours out all of his trauma and horror to his brother, telling him about the core melting and practically wailing about his feelings over it all. And his brother understands, and ultimately finds a way to help him. What does Wei Wuxian do after his own trauma? Keeps it secret, so nobody finds a way to help him, although many people try to. So Jiang Cheng is, in this way at least...emotionally healthier than Wei Wuxian? That's unexpected.
Jiang Cheng is super upset and is mad at eternal scapegoat Wei Wuxian for saving him. Jiang Cheng would rather be dead than be a regular person. Whereas Wei Wuxian, faced with the same problem, is like, *shrug* I’ll adapt. These are both valid emotional responses to suddenly becoming disabled. Losing a golden core is definitely a disability, in this environment; it's not just about magic sword fights. Jiang Cheng's home is designed for people who can fly; Lan Wangji's home is designed for people who don't feel cold, and Wen Central is made of actual lava, for example.
Jiang Cheng is already struggling with a lot of difficulties. He was raised by shitty parents, he's got anger management issues, he has a crushing weight of responsibility. And now he's also lived through the deaths of most of the people who matter to him. If sword cultivation is the one thing that gives him joy in life (ok one of two things, obviously fashion also gives him joy because he WORKS it), he can't reasonably be expected to rally when it's taken away.
Oh, honey. Oh, baby boy.
Wen Qing picks the worst moment to come in and tries to tend to Jiang Cheng, who starts off being devastated that the girl he likes is seeing the wreck he's become, and then moves along to helpless rage when he remembers that she's a Wen, and he screams at her to get out.
Jiang Cheng is not able to put personal loyalty ahead of clan loyalty like Wei Wuxian is. Partly this is his nature, and partly it's his role as the lineal descendant of the clan leader. As a firstborn son of a gentry family, his destiny as clan leader is in his blood, and so is his responsibility to the clan. When Wei Wuxian praises Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen for caring less about bloodlines than about shared ambition, he is speaking from the position of someone who's bloodline ain't shit. Jiang Cheng will never be able to share that perspective.
Next: More of this excruciating episode!
Writing prompt: The Day I Discovered I Could Melt Your Fucking Core, by Wen Zhuliu
Drabble prompt: Why I Wear Socks to Bed, by Jiang Cheng
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