#I need this person to leave my head because I just vague them these entire tags and I’m not gonna remove these LMAO

[no1ryomafan]

I’m saying this only out a vague of a irl even though I feel bad for this but someone please tell me there isn’t a collective of people who haven’t seen a lot of mecha yet played super robot wars and act like because they played that game they have authority to talk over mecha shows they know exist thanks to it despite still not watching them and ignoring the fact SRW butchers plot sometimes-

Because as much as I hate gatekeeping in mecha circles and hardly dabbled into SRW this basically happened to me irl with a person I already don’t like and I’m just like:

[unearthly-doting]

finding their soulmate: genshin edition.

a/n: i haven't made a post here in a hot second and i honestly apologize about that lol. the motivation to write just hasn't been there but!! here's a small lil genshin post for now. i just spun a wheel to pick who i write but if u want me to write for some of the others then just lmk!!

includes: xiao, kaeya, kujou sara, albedo, tartaglia, and ayato.

warnings: mdni, yandere content, not edited, gn reader, kidnapping, forced relationships, arranged marriage, manipulation, reader injury in both kujou sara's, albedo's and tartaglia's parts, childe stabs you :peace sign:, canon is a very vague concept in my writing more often than not btw, this is kinda cringey </3, the yandere content in albedo's part is actually very mild bc i was restraining myself bc there was a lot i wanted to do w it.

XIAO — never really cared much about finding his soulmate. His entire existence was dedicated to protecting Liyue, even if the nation no longer needed his protection. Besides, with how long he's been around, he just assumed his soulmate was long dead and that he'd never meet them. Though, a small part of him wondered... what was his soulmate like?

And, almost as if the universe had been listening, he ends up meeting you. His soulmate. It wasn't a classic, romantic meeting. He didn't save your life or anything like that. You were just a traveler who decided to stay at the inn.

He didn't think much of you until his eyes met yours and suddenly color was flooding into his world. It made him dizzy, and it stunned him into absolute silence because all he could so was stare at you with wide eyes.

You were clearly going through it as well, because obviously. You just met your fucking soulmate on a damn business trip. What the hell were you supposed to do now? It would be awkward to just... ignore what had happened, right? I mean, he's staring right at you and this was all just very overwhelming.

It was an awkward first meeting, that's for sure.

But during your time at the inn, whenever you were free from work, you spent it with Xiao. He was closed off, clearly keeping his guard up and not letting you get too close. You didn't know the reasons, but you didn't expect him to tell you his entire life story just because you two were apparently bound by the universe.

Honestly, you just assumed he didn't want to be with his soulmate. This didn't upset you. It wouldn't work out, anyway. You're only staying for a few weeks before heading home.

But archons, did Xiao want you. Behind his typical, distant behavior, Xiao was taking note of everything about you. Your interests, your habits, your sleep schedule, your favorite foods and desserts... everything you told him or subconsciously revealed, Xiao was tucking it away in his mind.

He wanted you. He wanted you to stay here, in Liyue, with him. Where you belong. But he didn't know how to express that. He's never been in love before, and it's not like he'll just suddenly become an expert at romance after meeting you.

When it was time for you to leave, he was crushed. He needed you to stay. He needed you by his side. Letters wouldn't be enough to fill the emptiness in your wake if you left. You had to stay.

You will stay.

And when you wake up to find yourself no longer in the inn, and instead in some small home deep within the mountains of Liyue, you're distraught.

Xiao looks genuinely guilty, robbing you of your freedom but... you understand, don't you? You have to understand. He just couldn't let you go. You're his soulmate, you were destined to be with him! You'll love it here, he'll make sure of it.

Just stay.

KAEYA — had always wondered what his soulmate was like ever since he was a child. He would spend hours just staring at the small crescent moon forever stained on his wrist, wondering if and when he'll meet the person with a matching mark.

Of course, as he got older he spent less time thinking about such things, though he did always hold out hope that he might be able to one day meet his soulmate. Little did he know, he's met his soulmate already. Multiple times.

You took over Sara's shifts at the Good Hunter whenever she had other things she needed to focus on, so Kaeya has spoken with you on numerous occasions, he's just never realized you were his soulmate because you keep your wrists covered. He's not one to judge, his wrists aren't visible either.

Him finding out was an accident. You had been handing him his order when your sleeves rolled up a bit, and his gaze just so happened to look at your wrists and he saw the very same crescent moon that was on his.

And for a moment, he froze. He just stared. Long enough that you were starting to feel a little uncomfortable. But before you could awkwardly send him on his way, he was showing you the crescent moon on his wrist as well and thus began your love story.

Or... well... it's what Kaeya had hoped for, but you didn't seem interested in soulmates at all. You didn't want the universe to decide who you were meant to be with, you wanted to make that decision yourself, so you had, to put it simply, bluntly rejected him.

And he gets it! It hurts, sure. He spent his entire life dreaming of this day, and it's not turning out the way he had hoped, but... you guys can be friends, at least, right? No strings attached?

For a while, Kaeya was fine with that. You and he had a really strong friendship. He cared about you, and you cared about him. Though your feelings were platonic, he was holding on to the hope that maybe one day, you'll realize you two were meant to be together.

But it was starting to seem as though that day might never come, because almost a year into your friendship with him, you had told Kaeya that you were thinking about entering the dating scene. He was... not too pleased about that, honestly. It was pretty obvious too, the way his entire mood soured the moment you brought the topic up.

He didn't stand by idly while this happened. Any person he saw you chatting up with romantic intentions would suddenly avoid you like the plague the next time you saw them. Any blind dates would end with you being ghosted. Hell, even some of your friends, the ones who were helping you get dates, were starting to avoid you too. It was so confusing.

But not Kaeya. No, Kaeya was always by your side.

Whenever you needed him, he was there. He always seemed to be able to make time for you. He listened to you vent your frustrations out, never once judging you or telling you that you were being dramatic. He was the only constant in your life these days.

Of course, you were completely oblivious to the fact that he was the cause of all of this. It's not that hard to blackmail people, he's learned. But they didn't deserve you anyway, seeing how easily they gave up on you the moment he approached them.

Maybe... maybe dating Kaeya wouldn't be so bad... I mean, you're the one deciding this, right? The universe isn't having any play in it. This is your decision. Isn't it?

KUJOU SARA — never cared about her soulmate. She knew she had one, you were in every dream she had. She found it to be more of a nuisance than anything else.

Her entire life was dedicated to her training, and to the Raiden Shogun. She neither had the time, nor the interest in searching for her soulmate. Besides, it didn't seem as if you resided in Inazuma. Your clothing was similar what people in Fontaine wear, and Fontaine was far away from Inazuma.

She was confident that she wouldn't be meeting you any time soon, so she never gave you any thought when she was awake. She never made any plans on what she would do if she did, by any chance, meet you. It didn't matter.

And she can't help but regret that, now that you're standing in front of her. If she had known that meeting her soulmate would make her feel like this, as if everything in the world suddenly made sense, then... well... she doesn't know what she would've done, to be honest.

No matter, Sara had no time to entertain you. Your stay in Inazuma was only temporary, so she saw no point in trying to form a bond with you. You, however, seemed to have different plans. She was used to seeing you in her dreams every night, but she was not used to seeing you in her waking moments.

Whenever she wasn't preoccupied with something, you were there to offer her company. It was annoying, and she's sent you away more than once, but that didn't seem to deter you. If anything, you seemed to become more determined each time she brushed you off.

At some point, she had given up on avoiding you. It was easier to just let you stick around. And, the more time she spent with you, the more attached she was becoming. It wasn't smart, she knew that, but could you blame her? You're so... irrevocably you.

Her fondness for you didn't go unnoticed.

Many people in Inazuma treated you with the same respect they treated Sara. You were her soulmate, after all. Should someone insult you, they would in turn be insulting her. Nobody wanted to get on her bad side.

There were, however, a few bad apples.

It should come as no surprise that a target was placed on your back the moment people took notice of Sara's attachment to you. She didn't think she'd have to worry much, because no one would be idiotic enough to actually try and harm you under her watch, but she should've known better.

It happened a few days before you were set to leave Inazuma to return home. A disturbance was going on within the city so Sara wasn't with you when you went on your daily walk just outside of it. It was supposed to be safe, but it wasn't.

Some vagrants had got the jump on you, and you nearly lost your life. You were lucky enough to have been found by some bystanders, but Sara was less than pleased when she heard about this. She had never taken pleasure in killing anyone before, but there was a deep-rooted sense of satisfaction deep within her chest when she watched the lives of those who hurt you fade away.

And as she sat by your side, waiting for you to wake up, she came to a decision. You can't be alone. If you are, you'll get hurt, and she won't be able to protect you. She can't let you leave Inazuma. She knows you'll more than likely hate her for making this decision for you, but if it means she can keep you safe, keep you alive and by her side, then... that hatred is something she'll be willing to bear.

ALBEDO — doesn't have a soulmate. At least, he's not supposed to. He's an artificial being, so it wouldn't make sense for him to have a soulmate. Of course, he does find the concept of soulmates to be intriguing. Who, or what, decides who people are destined to be with? It's a question he hopes to find an answer to.

So he wasn't surprised when he found you passed out in the snow, deep within Dragonspine. He's seen this countless times before, travelers who don't take precautions before trying to brave the deadly cold that comes with being here. He assumed he would just nurse you back to health and you would go on your merry way.

That changed, however, when he was cleaning your wounds and he saw his name inked on your skin, right on your collarbone. In his handwriting, at that. It confused him, because... that would mean that he's your soulmate. But he can't be. And yet, it didn't come off when he tried wiping it off. It was a part of your skin.

This left him with many questions, though none of them got answered when you woke up. You couldn't remember much about yourself, other than your name and a few other details. You didn't even know why you were in Dragonspine, or where you were from. You did hit your head pretty badly, judging from the headwound, so that would explain the amnesia, though he's not sure if it was going to be something temporary or not.

You both decided it would be best to just have you stay here until you were able to recover some of your memories and although Albedo wasn't eager to make friends with you, he was grateful for the company. He was incredibly patient with you too, answering any questions you may have had ranging from a multitude of different topics.

And in return, you helped out as much as you could without overexerting yourself and making your injuries worse. You'd make sure to keep his little lab tidy when he was away. You'd help out with some of his experiments too, if he knew you wouldn't get hurt doing so.

All while trying to figure out how he could possibly be your soulmate. He checked over himself. Four times. Your name was nowhere on his body. So why? Why was his name on yours? As much as he hates to admit it, he thinks he may never get an answer to this mystery.

Though... that's not such a bad thing, he thinks. He finds himself enjoying your company more and more with each passing day, the whole soulmate thing rarely even crossed his mind. At least, until you had asked him why his name was permanently etched into your skin. It was fairly easy to explain everything to you, though he was unable to answer a few of your questions, sadly. Soulmates were still a mystery, after all.

And when you asked if you could write your name on him so you two could match, he found himself unable to say no. He found himself unable to speak at all, actually, as you wrote your name on his shoulder. You even added a little heart next to it.

But no, Albedo was too busy coming to terms with the feelings he has for you. They weren't new. He's been aware of them for a week or so now, he just never gave it much thought until now. Now, with you so close to him, it was simply impossible to ignore.

And once you pull away, you smile at him and say, "There! Now I'm your soulmate too, right?" And oh.

Oh.

There was no way Albedo was going to let you leave Dragonspine now.

TARTAGLIA — feels a little bad for his soulmate, whoever they are. They can feel his pain, and he can feel theirs. So... they probably hate his guts, considering he's not the most careful person in the world. He pushes himself to his limits and beyond, and his soulmate has no doubt felt every single second of it.

Don't get him wrong, he would love to meet his soulmate. It's been a dream of his since he was a child, always eager to hear the story of how his mom and dad found out they were soulmates. Even as he grew older, the desire never went away. It was just... buried.

And his soulmate just so happened to be you, the significant other of a man who owed the Northland Bank a lot of money. He doesn't normally partake in debt collections, but he didn't have anything better to do so he decided to take this one on. He was going to use you as an example to your husband, though the moment his blade stabbed you, he froze.

He felt the pain. He stabbed you, and he could feel it. Oh fuck, he just stabbed his soulmate. That's definitely not the picturesque first meeting he was hoping for. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell his family this either...

Stabbing aside, he was utterly delighted. You, on the other hand, were terrified. Not only did this man just fucking stab you, his expression went from bored to something akin to crazed glee. He stared at you with a hunger that made you want to shy away from his gaze.

He doesn't care that you're already in a relationship with someone else. Not anymore, you're not. You're his, destined by the stars or however the story goes. And if your lover tries to get you back, he'll just kill them. Easy as that. Absolutely nothing will get in the way of him having you.

And he likes that you fight back against him. He especially loves it when you manage to escape. Hell, sometimes he'll even let you go just so he can chase you down again. It sends a thrill through him like no other when he catches you, and you stare at him teary-eyed and out of breath.

You're always so scared that he'll hurt you, but he would never do such a thing. He treats you like you're royalty, spoiling you with a seemingly endless amount of gifts. You're not quite sure how he knows what you like, and you're too hesitant to ask.

Honestly... he'd probably let you stab him. Y'know, he stabbed you, so it's only fair that you get to stab him in turn, right?

You think not. You're very hesitant, staring at him as though he were insane for even proposing such an idea. A part of him was disappointed. He wanted one of the many scars on his body to be from you. But a much larger part can't help but go soft at the sight of you shaking your head, sternly refusing to hurt him.

If he wasn't obsessed with you before, he certainly was now. You're too good. Too kind. He's holding you captive (lovingly, of course) and you refuse to hurt him? You don't even want to pinch him? How adorable.

Why, if he didn't know any better, he'd think that you might care about him.

He was nothing if not stubborn, of course. You might not care about him now, but you will in the future. He'll make sure of it.

After all, he's spent his whole life waiting for you.

AYATO — never had the time to think of his soulmate. He was blessed (or cursed, depending on who you ask) with the ability to see the red strings that tied people together. When he was younger, before having to take on the duties of the Kamisato name, he would always stare at the one tied to his pinkie.

He even has the habit of twirling the red string around his finger whenever he gets stressed. Only behind closed doors, of course. It would probably appear strange to others if they saw.

Meeting his soulmate was something he had always planned out in his head as a child, and when he finally did meet you, it was so... simple. There was nothing magical about it, you had just bumped into him one day when he was out in the city and that's what started all of this.

For you, it was a forgettable encounter, one that would never cross your mind again. For him, it was everything he had been waiting for. Thoma thought it was a bit strange, but he dutifully gathered information about you when Ayato asked it of him. He needed to know everything there was to know about you.

He already knew what he was going to do when he met his soulmate, the only thing left was to actually do it. And you were definitely shocked when Kamisato Ayato himself showed up at your home and asked you to marry him.

You said no, obviously, because why the hell would you agree to marry someone you didn't know? Ayato had planned for this, of course. That's why he had Thoma learn everything about you, so the moment you declined his offer, he just smiled and made a comment about your family. It was very obvious what he was implying.

And even if you aren't close with your family, you can't live with blood on your hands. You were pretty much forced into accepting Ayato's marriage proposal. He was pleased with this outcome, promising to take care of everything himself.

Marrying him meant that you would, unfortunately, have to leave your home and instead live at the Kamisato Estate. Everyone was under the impression that this marriage was one of love and not coercion. You highly doubt that anyone would believe you if you told them the truth, and you were too concerned about what the consequences would be if you did.

Everyone at the estate was nice to you, at least, though the only people allowed to actually get close to you were Ayaka and Thoma.

And when the wedding was over, it was time for your honeymoon. You were not excited about that, but it seemed Celestia itself was on your side during that time because he was too busy to spend time with you.

If he wasn't threatening the lives of your family, you would have made numerous escape attempts by now. Still, you've made it very clear that you hate his guts.

Your hatred is something he detests, though he can't fault you for it. He understands that what he's forced you into is wrong, but in his mind, it was something that had to be done. He's sure that given enough time and space, you'll grow to understand why he did what he did.

And even though you scorn his existence, Ayato looks at you as if you've placed the stars in the sky.

Your strings are forever tied together, so there's no getting out of this. He doesn't plan on ever letting you go. He'd be a terrible husband if he didn't keep you close, wouldn't he?

[babydin]

Swaddling

The days are busy, but the nights? The nights are yours. - Joel Miller x f!reader - 18+, minors DNI! - References to sub/dom behavior, swaddling as the title suggests (the act of keeping the p inside the v post-ejaculate), quiet sex, interrupted sex, Joel is dad, Joel is daddy, reference to spanking kink, references to oral (female receiving), references to fingering. - 1361 words - Comments/likes appreciated. Requests are open! - A/N: I didn't think too hard about the timeline, just vaguely after the events of S1, they go to Jackson to Tommy's place and live there and nothing bad happens.

Joel was not a morning person. But the morning after he had spent the night with his cock inside you and woke up fucking you? That day he was definitely a morning person. 

 It was rare you got a moment alone at Tommy’s place with Joel, there was always something to do, always someone to talk to, and it wasn’t very often you found Joel without Ellie. He was always asking after her when he wasn’t with her, and her face lit up when he was around. His did too, as best as he could, but Joel had a chronic case of resting bitch face, and there were times you had asked him if he was okay and he politely reminded you “This is just my face.” As much as you struggled to find a moment to even share a kiss in the day, the nights were yours.   Sometimes Joel would already be in bed and you’d know he’d need some comfort, and he had certain tells as to exactly what he needed. If he just took your hand, then he just needed to be held, and you would hold him with one arm as the other hand raked through his salt and pepper locks until he fell asleep. If he shuffled back and pressed his ass into you, he was feeling submissive. You’d lean over and gently kiss his temple, his ear, the arch of his broad shoulder before carefully rolling him onto his back to pepper kisses across his chest. His hardened features would soften when you called him baby. You’d sit on his face and he’d moan against your cunt when you called him a good boy. Then there were nights like this one, Joel had been giving you looks all evening at dinner like he wanted to fuck you right there on the lasagne in front of his entire family because he could not contain himself. His hands wandered immediately when you were finally alone, you barely had time to change into your pyjamas and he pulled them straight back off of you. He fucked you with his fingers and every time your mouth opened he hushed you and reminded you that Ellie’s room was just next door and she was still awake, he stuffed a pillow behind the headboard of the bed before he fucked you to stop it rattling against the wall your room shared with Ellie’s and when you came you bit into his arm to stop yourself screaming. Afterwards he cradled you in his arms, your back pressed against his chest. You spoke in hushed tones for what felt like hours, and gentle conversation soon turned dirty, and you were surprised that your fantasies had Joel’s length pressing into the small of your back as he got hard again. He had a lot of pep for a man in his mid-fifties. He told you that you brought it out in him. The position did not change as he entered you again, your bodies entwined, he was so deep inside you and barely moved with his thrusts so you were always full of him, his strong arms wrapped completely around you, occasionally his hand snaking up to cover your mouth when you threatened to get too loud and he shushed you in your ear and when you came it was so intense from the overstimulation that you saw the entire universe behind your eyelids.   “Stay inside me?” You ask Joel, feeling his ejaculate start to seep out of your gaping cunt as he starts to pull out. Joel halts and his brow furrows deeper, “What?” Your hips shuffle back to take in the half inch of him you’d lost, a soft whimper leaving your throat as you turn your head as best you can to look at him, “Say inside me. All night if you can.” Those arms wrap around you once more and his body entangles with your own as you find yourselves drifting into a worn-out slumber.   You wake up to Joel gently fucking you, his hips are barely moving at all, and you wonder if he’s still asleep and dreaming. He’s still inside of you, you slept through the night, you don’t know if he stayed inside the whole night or if he slipped out at any point and put himself back in. You gasp as pleasure starts to bloom in your stomach, you’re still wet from last night, and he’s never been so hard. “Joel.” You whisper his name, half to ask if he’s awake, half to let him know that you are. He doesn’t respond, you lay silent for a second to try and figure out his breathing pattern before trying to turn your head to look at him. “Joel?” you suddenly realize the position you’re in, and he’s laying on his good ear so even if he was awake he wouldn’t hear you whispering to him. He lets out a quiet, pleasured moan before taking a sharp breath in, suddenly his arms tighten around you and he pulls you closer to him and the movements of his hips become a little more certain. You come to the conclusion that he was asleep before and his arousal just woke him up. Calloused hands squeeze your breasts under the sheets and he nuzzles against your neck, his beard rough but his skin so soft considering how weather worn he looks, “I was having a dream I was fucking you… I wake up inside your wet pussy? Dreams really do come true.” The pressure was growing, there was no way you were going to last long with the way you were feeling,  you could feel every nerve ending in your body, your nose was full of the smell of him. “I swear, you’re gonna make me cum again Joel, I won’t be able to fuckin’ walk.” you whisper to him. He smiles against your jaw, teeth nipping you softly, “I’ll carry you on my back like Yoda on Luke.” Your tender moment was disturbed when the door flung open, and there stood Ellie, bright eyed and fully dressed. You were quick to pull the duvet over your face to hide it and Joel’s brow creases deepened with frustration. “Ellie!” he barked, and you hated to admit it but the way he scolded made you want to call him Daddy and have him lay you over his lap and spank you raw. “Dad, you have to come see! The sheep had babies!” she exclaimed gleefully. Joel didn’t bat an eyelid when Ellie called him Dad, but you did. He once couldn’t stand the sight of her, she was the biggest thorn in his side - which was a little harsh all things considered - but he fought tooth and nail for her safety and he fell in love. She was his girl. “It fuckin’ stinks in here.” she added innocently. You try not to laugh and make a note to crack a window when you change the sheets later. Joel scrubbed at his eyes and groaned, half in frustration, half to hide the euphoric feeling he had as his cock twitched and leaked pre-cum inside you, “I’ll be– I’ll come see the lambs with you just give me like… 5 minutes to get dressed.” you reach around and pinch his nipple between your finger and thumb and it makes him yelp in a way you’ve never heard before, the sheets shake as you fight back a giggle and he quickly corrects himself “15 minutes. Give me half an hour, I gotta take a shower, can you leave? Please?” “Why do you have a pillow behind your headboard?” “I chew it at night thinkin’ about how much I hate you because you don’t do what I tell you. Ellie, get the fuck out, I won’t ask you again.” Ellie raised her eyebrows and turned on her heel, “You are so not a morning person.” She commented before leaving and closing the door behind her. “I’d like a full apology after you’ve had your burnt bean juice!” she called out, her voice growing more distant as she walked down the hall. “With tears!” She was right, Joel was not a morning person. But the morning after he had spent the night with his cock inside you and woke up fucking you? That day he was definitely a morning person.

[letters-from-dekarios]

fighting fate

summary: you had some choice words for your friend who set you up on a not-so-blind date. but, because it went well, you decide to meet with him again. it’s not long before the spark reignites like when you first met, and you can’t help but fall for him.

or: you go on a second date with gale

word count: 5.5k

tags: *this is a sequel to ‘a blind date with a wizard’, you do not have to read it before this one :)* gale x implied f!reader/afab!reader, astarion and shart are terrible wingmen, elf!reader, fluff, some small angst, mildly medium burn, alcohol usage, wyll is also there and also your ex, omg karlach is also there

author’s note: this is my little disclaimer that i personally love wyll! i’m just using him as a plot point since there’s not many other main chara options that haven’t been mentioned already (that i would use in his place). its for the plot guys i swear i’m a wyll lover too

Okay, maybe you couldn’t be mad at Astarion and Shadowheart. Yes, they betrayed your trust by setting you up on a faux blind date with their wizard friend who already knew your entire life story. And yes, they did not take accountability for their lies and instead kept asking if you enjoyed yourself. But, their little plan worked, and you were scheduling a second date with the man they set you up with.

“I am still pissed at you both. Especially you, Astarion,” You glared at your friend as he flipped through outfits in your closet. Shadowheart was busy doing your makeup, turning your face back towards her.

“Look, you can’t stay angry forever. You needed someone to get your mind off of Wyll. I just did what I do best,” he replied, holding up one rather… skimpy outfit that you turned your nose up at.

“Lying? You could’ve at least told me a little about him so I didn’t feel so mortified! You told him all about Wyll and when I tried to vaguely mention that I had a bad breakup, he already knew all about it!” You huffed, and Shadowheart grabbed your chin to steady your face. She gave you a cautionary look as she got underway applying your eyeliner, her hand steady and precise. She had cast duplicity to do both sides at the same time, which made the process much easier.

“Sweetheart, if you knew half the things about him you’d refuse to meet with him. I kept you in the dark so you can see for yourself who he is,” Astarion held up another outfit, one a bit more casual but still would be pretty on you. You nodded in approval and Shadowheart nearly had an aneurysm.

“If you don’t stop moving your damn head I’m going to let you leave here looking like a sibriex,” Shadowheart warned you again, and you took heed of her notice this time.

With your makeup done and your outfit fresh, all you had to do was wait for Gale to arrive. The two of you had been back and forth for weeks now, mostly updating each other on current things you were up to. A few days prior, with your schedules finally open, he had sent word of when he’d like to take you out and you responded as soon as you could. Now, you waited for the date to commence.

“You can at least thank us for our assistance in getting you out of the house. Had I not convinced you to go on that blind date, you’d still be crying over Ravengard’s oldest disappointment,” Astarion remarked, and you snorted at the insult of a name.

You sighed after, messing with the ends of your hair. “You can’t blame me for being annoyed. You wouldn’t like it if I set you up with someone and told them you were a vampire before you could,” you raised an eyebrow at him knowingly. He couldn’t deny that you were correct on that front, but he wasn’t about to say that to you.

“Just be grateful he didn’t tell Gale about your little misadventures as a—“ Shadowheart began, and you quickly clamped your hand over her mouth, shushing her.

“Don’t mention that! It’ll bring bad luck to my date tonight,” you frowned, and both of your companions busted out in laughter.

You continued chatting until a soft knock sounded on the door, and you screamed internally. After getting up from the couch, you made your way to the door. You took a breath, eased your mind, and then opened it up for him.

“Hey,” you beamed at him, trying to contain your excitement. He bowed in acknowledgement and pulled out a small bouquet from behind his back.

“Good evening, my lady,” he smiled at you, extending the flowers in greeting.

You felt your face become hot while a small giggle left you. You took them from him and briefly smelled the assortment. “They’re lovely, thank you,” you replied, inviting him inside for a beat so you could set the flowers down.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite wizard of Waterdeep!” Astarion swung his legs over his chair, standing and heading towards him. He slumped his arm over Gale’s shoulders, patting his back. “Isn’t he just amazing, Y/N? Such a gentleman— is that bluestars I smell?” Astarion whacked him on the back once more, stepping around to you as he observed the flowers. Bluestars was a rather expensive perfume in Faerùn, costing over two hundred gold pieces for just a small bottle. You had never smelled it before, but you were sure you would later.

“Leave him be, Astarion,” you gave him a look, voice low to avoid Gale hearing you.

“Ah, I pay no mind to Astarion anyway,” Gale watched you as you placed the flowers neatly in a vase and filled it with water. “If I did, I sincerely doubt I’d be here at the moment,” he chuckled, and you beamed at the reply.

“You’re such a pain, Gale. You know that?” Astarion whined, before slipping back over to the couch.

“I’m sure he’s plenty aware,” Shadowheart called over her shoulder, focused on a book she had brought out.

“Thank you, Shadowheart, for your helpful insight on the matter,” Gale retorted, raising a hand to you once you were done with the bouquet. “Shall we?”

You took his hand, your face flushing again as he led you out the door. “We shall,” you answered, smiling sweetly at him.

“Bring her home before one!” Astarion called out as you both left.

“Oh, that may be difficult!” Gale retorted, allowing you to close the door behind you both as you departed.

“What, you plan on stealing me away for the whole evening?” You raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously, laughing as you interlocked your arms and he began to walk with you.

“Perhaps.. if you’d let me,” he nudged you gently, before leading you off to a small restaurant in the heart of the city.

“Hmm… it’ll depend on how this night goes,” you flirted, patting his arm tenderly. Soon enough, you were being seated inside the little restaurant, and looking over the menu. Everything looked… expensive. You didn't want to hurt the man’s coin pouch, assuming he was paying for it, but there weren't exactly any reasonable options, either.

“What are you getting?” You questioned, and he pointed to some mildly pricey menu item. That was your hint at expenses, and you picked a dish that sounded promising but wasn’t going to put you in debt if you ended up paying for yourself.

The date was filled with idle conversation, the two of you discussing parts of your home life here and there, commenting happily on the food you ate, and just sharing the good parts of yourselves. It was going great, extraordinary even.

Until he showed up.

Wyll Ravengard. You didn't even feel the eyes burning into the back of your head until you heard someone pleading with him to stop, attempting to keep him back. You flicked your attention over to the commotion, eyes going wide as you saw him. You wished you hadn’t made eye contact, that you’d minded your business, but you hadn’t. And now you had to deal with it.

You wanted to shrink down into yourself. Disappear into nothing- hide under the table like a small child. With the way things ended, how could you face him? He was a gentleman for your whole relationship— until he wasn’t. You couldn’t stand to see the face that spoke to you in such a way that night. No matter what influence he was under, what he did that night you broke up… you couldn’t forgive him.

You recalled the many nights after that fight, how depressed you had become. He tried several times to get your attention and apologize to you, but you were so wrapped up in yourself that it was hard to pay attention to anything. Some nights he was kindly about it, others he was swearing like a damned sailor who couldn't take no for an answer. You weren't sure who he had become, and no matter how hard he tried he was unable to reverse the past.

“Y/N!” He shouted your name, and you put your head in your hands. Maybe if you didn't see him, he would disappear.

“Wyll, please, not here-“ his friend Karlach, you recognized her as, tried to hold him back. But with his thrashing and flailing, he managed to worm his way free of her grasp.

“Impero te!” Gale moved to his feet quickly, and Wyll froze in place. You recognized the words as a command spell. It appeared Gale chose that over a holding spell, perhaps so he could speak with Wyll first. You knew it would wear off soon, so you placed your coin on the table and got up.

“Don’t you dare leave, Y/N!” Wyll exclaimed, and Gale turned to check up on you.

“I’m okay,” you reassured him, smiling faintly as you grabbed your things. “I’m just going to go outside for a minute.”

He nodded and waited for you to leave before his attention was on Wyll again.

You weren’t sure what happened after that, but only a little while later and both men were being tossed out by two guards you’d seen in the restaurant earlier. Gale’s face was down, his hand held up to his nose, and in the candle-lit street, you could faintly make out blood on his knuckles.

“You bastard!” Wyll ran to, presumably, take another swing, but Karlach grabbed him in time before he could.

“Gale-“ you rushed to his side, now that Karlach had a tight hold on Wyll, and checked him for any other injuries.

“I’m alright, I’m alright,” he soothed, despite the blood dripping down his face. You reached into the small bag you had brought and took out a cloth, gently wiping at his face.

“Does this jackass speak for you now, Y/N?” You heard Wyll snarl, followed by Karlach’s aggressive warnings for him to calm down.

“Mates, I’m really sorry for his behavior. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Can I pay you back for the dinner?” Karlach surrendered, nodding down to a small coin pouch at her hip.

“It’s not your fault, you don’t need to pay for his stupidity,” you answered, moving Gale to sit down on a nearby bench. “Tilt your head back..” you instructed, a delicate motherly tone to your voice, and he did so, holding the cloth tight against his nose.

As you spun to face Wyll, you saw he was bloodied just the same. You had to hand it to Gale, he was more than just a gentleman. You sighed, composed yourself, and put on your bravest ‘what the fuck are you doing’ face.

“What do you want, Wyll?” You coldly asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You know what I want,” he huffed, still struggling in Karlach’s grasp.

“Actually, as a matter of fact, I don’t! It might surprise you, but I haven’t known what you wanted from me since the night we broke up. What could you possibly need from me after everything that transpired?” Your eyebrows furrowed together, irate with him. Thinking about that night hurt your mind and your heart, you’d much rather continue with your date like nothing happened. But, of course, the universe was always against you.

“Y/N-“ Wyll calmed slightly, his likely drunken stupor fading as he regained his senses seeing you like this. For a moment, he looked like how you remembered him. For a moment, he was yours again.

That quickly dissipated as he continued to speak, reaching towards you, begging, “I want you- I miss you. I should’ve never let this go, I should’ve never let that bastard get his hands on you. You’re mine, right? Like we used to say?”

You took a step back at his words, feeling sick to your stomach. After all this time, he still had that false hope he could get you back? That you still belonged to him? And what was worse, he called Gale a bastard. Again.

“I’ll have you know that bastard back there, is twice the man you ever were. I suggest you rethink your ownership because, to my knowledge, I belong to myself. I was finally- finally!- feeling free from your grasp and here you go, trying to steal my peace from me.” you clasped your hands together, groaning out in frustration before running a hand down your face. “I was done with you a long time ago, Wyll. Please, for the love of all of Faerún, let. Me. Go. Drop this faux apology and the pathetic act and move on with your life. That was embarrassing!” You sighed, running a hand down your face. The arguing in public was only adding to your humiliation, though many passersby just assumed you all were drunk.

“Y/N-“

“No, Wyll!” You cut him off, waving a hand dramatically to silence him. “I was so happy to be finally moving on from you and rebuilding myself after you left me in pieces and you had to come here and ruin it! You had to smash me to bits all over again! I just want to be happy, and you can’t even let me have that?” You could feel tears welling in your eyes, but you pushed them down like all your other worries. “Please, go home. Go away. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you anymore, I want to go home. Without you.” It seemed that those final words got to him, and he realized his defeat.

As much as you had loved him in the past, he was no longer who you loved now. It was beyond you to change him to become the man he used to be, and you cried for the day he would find the love he would become that for. You wished he could do that for you but you knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t even worth it anymore. Besides, you had to get Gale home and cleaned up anyway. What good would worrying about Wyll do for you?

“You’re sure you don’t want any coin, mate? I feel awful about all of this,” Karlach offered again, and you waved her off.

“Get him home safe, that’s all I ask,” you replied, and they were off. You watched as Wyll’s sad, defeated eyes stayed locked with yours until they were far enough away, and your heart broke all over again.

Gale knew when not to meddle in things that didn’t concern him, so he left that talking up to you. It was not his place to speak to Wyll for you, but his charming act of heroism in punching the shit out of Wyll was plenty for you.

You took another breath, unclenched the fists you had unknowingly created, and returned to Gale’s side.

“How are you doing?” You asked him, kneeling in front of him as he laughed softly.

“As good as a man with a broken nose can be. You don’t happen to have any healing potions on you, do you?” He replied, smiling at you.

“Not here, but I have some at home,” You offered, and he shook his head no to that.

“I’d rather not return to Astarion’s commentary on my little.. quandary here,”

You pondered for a moment, and then a metaphorical lightbulb appeared over your head. “Vis medicatrix,” you chanted, placing your hand on his arm to heal the wound. Blue light emitted from your palms and eyes for a moment and then faded. Why you hadn’t thought of that prior, you had no idea.

“There. How do you feel now?” You repeated, and Gale lowered the cloth from his nose. He breathed in and out a few times, and then nodded in satisfaction.

“You’re quite good at that,” he chuckled, trying to wipe off as much blood from his face as he could. His knuckles were covered in Wyll’s blood, you noted, and you were oddly surprised Gale didn’t have more marks on him from whatever took place inside.

“What even-“

“Perhaps later.”

You pursed your lips in understanding, standing straight as you waited for him. Where would you head off to now? He looked a mess, and you could hardly stand to be around everyone who had just witnessed what occurred. What would people say? They undoubtedly recognized Ravengard’s son, so what would the rumors tell about you? Those were worries for a later time.

“There’s a travel sigil nearby if you’d like to head to my home in Waterdeep with me,” Gale offered, and you interlocked your arms again when he stood up.

“I’d like that,” you agreed, letting him guide you home.

After a bit of walking and some magical travel, you were inside Gale’s rather lavish tower in Waterdedl. The walls were practically lined from floor to ceiling with books, showing his studious nature. The smell of thousand-year-old tomes and scrolls filled your lungs, mixed with the neverending hint of brandy and vanilla. He took good care of his belongings, despite his continued apologies over what he considered a mess. Though, the only clutter you saw was that of a well-studied scholar. It was impressive just how many books he had, and you wondered if he really had read all of them.

“I believe I have a bottle of Ithbank somewhere around here, let me get myself cleaned up first,” Gale offered, and you had half the nerve to speak up.

“Let me help you,” you proposed, and he smiled at you. That cheeky, knowing smile, akin to one Astarion would give you when you’d talk of something scandalous he was already doing. He nodded his head in the direction of his washroom and you followed along behind him, allowing him to sit on a small stool as you wet a rag.

“Well, go on,” you urged, tilting his face up by the chin as you stood between his legs. Gently, you began washing the blood off of his face. “What happened?”

“After you stepped outside, Wyll began saying some rather choice words,” Gale recounted, the night's events playing over in his mind, eyes ever trained on you. “He wouldn’t cooperate with leaving. He took the first swing, I assure you. It’s not like me to throw first, or even second. I usually counteract with magic but, albeit adrenaline was forefront in my mind, a more physical response felt qualified.”

You chuckled at him, shaking your head as you took his hands and cleaned them off, too. “I’m not a damsel in distress, you know. I just didn’t want to deal with him.” You informed him, wanting to make perfectly clear your reason for aversion.

“Oh, I’m fully aware. But I like to play the white knight now and then, if you’d indulge me,” he grinned, turning his hand in yours and taking it gently. He kissed the top of your palm in thanks for your help.

You giggled at him, splashing his face gently with water, to which he gasped, reached over towards the sink, and splashed you back. You both burst into laughter as you started a miniature water fight, flicking water droplets at one another. You, though, wouldn’t give up this nonsensical fight so easily, and splashed a small cup in his face. His expression turned sour and you darted out of the washroom, Gale quick on your tail, and began dashing around bookshelves to avoid him. The initial droplets soon became minor castings of ‘create water’, both of you careful not to damage the papers surrounding you.

“This honestly seems unfair!” He called over to you as you shimmied behind a small space between two bookshelves. Abruptly, he went quiet and you began to peek around some books to see where he was.

He didn’t even say a word as he wrung out his cloth over your head, your hair becoming completely wet.

“Gale!” You screeched, turning around to his shit-eating grin. You whipped out your cloth while grabbing his collar, suddenly pulled his shirt slightly off his body, and wrung out all the remaining water from yours down his chest. Then, you flattened his shirt against his chest, allowing it to become soaked in its own right.

He jumped slightly at the coolness and glared down at you, albeit playfully. He quickly pulled you against him by the waist, effectively getting your clothes damp, too.

“You know, this is one of my favorite shirts. It’s not supposed to get wet like this so the fibers don’t fray,” Gale hummed, staring down at you with a suggestive look in his eye.

“Oh? How ever will I repay you for ruining it?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him with faux innocence.

He thought about it for a moment, pondered just a beat too long, and tugged you close against his hips. He leaned down towards you, letting his nose brush against your own.

“A simple apology should suffice,” he smiled softly, looking down into your eyes.

“Well,” you lowered your voice, your eyes flicked from his to his lips, and back up again. “I’m so sorry, Mister Dekarios..” your hands made their way to his chest, and you planted them flat against him. “I should dry this off for you too, shouldn’t I?” You pouted, pulling out the wide, cutesy eyes for him.

He took in a breath, placing one hand on top of yours while the other rested on your lower back. “While I love that offer..” he started, brushing his lips against yours, “Let’s take things slow, yes?” He asked, and your breath hitched. Good gods. You couldn’t believe how goddamn gorgeous he was up close. You wanted nothing more than to spend the whole night with him, whatever that would entail.

“Y/N-“

“Yes.” He didn’t even need to ask, but he started to anyway. Almost instantly, his lips were against your own, the hand on your back gently pulling you closer to him as if there was any distance keeping you apart. Your eyes fluttered closed, indulging yourself entirely the moment.

You replied instantly to him, grabbing at his shirt as you leaned up towards him. One of your hands released the fabric and slid up his shoulder, then into his hair, tugging gently.

He hummed happily in response to the pull, grabbing tighter at your waist. After another beat, he drew back and rubbed his nose against yours.

“Gale…” Your eyes slowly opened again, ever so slightly still shut, looking up at him with an unknown kind of intensity and love.

“I know…” he whispered, pressing a small kiss to your lips again, before he trailed down your neck with them, his hands solid against your back and keeping you steady.

You let out a soft, satisfied little groan, running your hands through his hair. He pulled back again after another brief indulgement of his thoughts and looked down at you. He was so perfect, you almost felt bad for making him deal with you and all your imperfections.

“Can I stay the night with you?” You asked, and then panicked as you realized he might get the wrong idea. “Not- like- we don’t have to do anything! I just… want to be here… with you…” your voice went quieter by the minute, and he chuckled at your shyness in asking.

Tilting your head up by the chin, he calmed your nerves. “Of course, you can,” he leaned down to you, pressing another small kiss to your lips.

He slowly pulled away from you, his hands ghosting on your waist before he stepped back, coaching you to follow him with his all-knowing smirk, bringing you to his kitchen. As you followed, he pulled out the aforementioned bottle of Ithbank and two glasses. You hopped up onto one of the counters, watching him pour into each.

“So, I have to know,” he began, handing you the wine, “if you’d be willing to share,” he took a sip from his glass, stepping between your legs this time, “what exactly happened with Wyll? Because that kind of a reaction from someone doesn’t suggest that the breakup was just messy, it suggests that it was, well, horrid to say the least.”

You took the wine glass from him, wrapped your legs around his waist, and sighed loudly. “I’d like to know about you and your ex first,” you replied, taking a sip slowly, “I don’t know much about you and right now the scales are quite imbalanced,” you finished, setting your glass down beside you. You leaned forward, draping your arms over his shoulders, and began to mess with his hair.

“Ah, Mystra…” he chuckled, though it wasn’t as enthusiastic as it usually was. He pursed his lips together, frowned slightly, and then began to speak.

“As you may know, Mystra is the Goddess of Magic, the Mother of the Weave, if you will. And I, myself, am a rather proclaimed wizard,” he started, bringing your arms down from his shoulders as he stepped back. He began to manipulate the weave around you both, a soft purple light shimmering and sparkling between and around you. “From a young age, I was using the Weave. I had much of it mastered by the time I was just ten years old. One of Mystra’s former chosen, Elminster, took it upon himself to train me in her absence, as she was not alive at that point.”

You saw the face of a man, conjured by Gale, who you could only assume was the Elminster he spoke of.

“When Mystra came back, she had lost a part of herself in her former death. Thus, she was weak. But, she could still sense my fascination and usage of the Weave. Soon enough, she began appearing to me. Only briefly, mind you, she was still far too injured to show herself entirely, but she still did.” This time, you saw the face of a rather beautiful woman, whom he alluded to as Mystra. How had he given up a Goddess? Well, you’d find out.

“At that time, she picked me to become one of her Chosen. Recognizing my skill for harnessing the Weave, and understanding my desire and devotion to her, it was an obvious choice. She started mentoring me, showing me parts of the Weave I had not yet discovered,” he continued, using visualizations of the encounters to help guide the storyline. “Eventually, we became friends. And then, even closer than that. Lovers. I desired to become great for her- intertwine our souls together, prove just how much I loved her. Remind you, she was dead for a long time,” he paused, making sure you were following him.

“When she came back, she had to regain the parts of the Weave that she had lost. I, knowing this, happened across a tome that told of a portion of the Weave that Mystra had not yet been reacquainted with. Lost to time, the elements, and Mystra’s long respite, this part of the Weave had gone uncollected by her and was still separate. It was imbued with Netherese magic from the folly of one of her chosen from many centuries prior, that in of itself is a story for another time. I sought to retrieve it and return it to her as an act of love- or, perhaps, egotism. I shall never know the true intent of my heart in those days, but, rest assured, I am no longer the same,” he smiled warily at you, hoping he was not losing you in everything. Both in the storybook tale he was telling, and romantically.

“The act of mine failed, rather horrendously so. What mortal man takes a piece of the weave for himself? A selfish one, indeed. Cursed with this portion, it was bestowed upon me. There are many details that I’m leaving for the sake of not boring you, but in a gist that is what happened. And now, this Netherese magic rests within me, seeking out parts of the weave to regain what it too had previously lost. Without magical artifacts, death very well could be the consequence. So, safe to say, I am no longer on my Goddess’ good side,” he paused, debating on what else to say. “It’s an arcane hunger, that’s what my Tressym, Tara, and I have figured out. I must consume those artifacts regularly to ease the hunger and calm the orb, otherwise I’ll… well, let’s just say it won’t exactly be very pretty.” He laughed slightly again, that sad, disheartened chuckle, and you felt terrible for him.

Mystra had essentially cursed the man she claimed to love, and you found that unfair. Why wouldn’t she just reabsorb the magic? Why put him under duress when all he wanted to do was prove his devotion? You would never say it aloud, but you despised the Gods and their unusual cruelty at times.

“I… don’t know what to say. That’s awful, Gale.” You realized that the details he had provided to you on your initial date were rather vague. Now that he explained it in more depth, your situation with Wyll felt minuscule in comparison. What’s a lover's quarrel in the shadow of a devoted, lovesick chosen being cursed with a gift he intended for his Goddess?

“Do not pity me, Y/N. It’s the consequence of a foolish man seeking more than he could attain. Had I not been blinded by my insatiable need to grow stronger and unlock arcane secrets that were not mine to know, I would not be here. Mystra had told me to be content, and I just couldn’t listen. But had I, I would not be with you. If going back in time meant that I would lose out on what I have now, I would suffer it all over a thousand times more,” he smiled at you, the magic fading as he returned and stood in front of you again.

“You’d suffer through losing your Goddess’ favor for me?” You asked, and he nodded. The look in his eye… was one of complete seriousness. While soft, you could see the determination behind his gaze. He did not intend to fault you like he faulted his Goddess. He wanted to savor this, savor you. You weren’t sure whether to be scared, or honored. What else was he willing to risk for you?

“I’d disown even the angriest of Gods if it resulted in our union being inseparable,” he placed his hand under your chin, tilting your head up towards him. “I have only known you for a short period of my life, and yet I’d live a thousand more years with you if I could.”

You felt your eyes water, the sentiment touching your heart. You looked towards the ground, before throwing your arms around him and pulling him in for a hug. You wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, and he pulled you close against him.

“Thank you, for everything,” you told him, burying your face into his chest. He held you just like that for a moment, allowing his head to rest on top of yours. When you finally pulled away, looking up at him with the sweetest doe eyes, he couldn’t help but lean down and kiss you again.

“You’re adorable,” he laughed softly, kissing you again and again. Your giggles broke the kisses and you whacked him gently on the chest to get him to stop.

“Are you alright? I know that was quite a lot to take in,” he asked, and you admired his sensitivity to your headspace.

“I’m alright. I’m still stuck on the fact you eat magical items, though,” you joked, and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Alright, alright. Enough about me. It’s your turn,” he wrapped the conversation back around to you and Wyll, and it pained you for a second to think about it.

And then you looked at him, enjoying his glass of wine with you, and you couldn’t help but feel connected enough to talk about it.

Until you heard the birds chirping happily outside, the two of you labored over the blow-up with Wyll. It was a weight off your shoulders, bantering with him about all the shitty things that happened that night. Like two drunken schoolgirls talking shit about a mutual ex-friend, you both couldn’t help it.

You weren’t sure how long you slept, just that you were comfortable, warm, and safe. Safe within the tight hold of Gale’s arms, under the silk sheets that lined his bed.

You had this inkling feeling that all was right in the world. The universe, for once, was back on your side. Back on his side. It was like mending a pot with the age-old art of kintsugi- melding two broken pieces together with gold-dusted glue. Was it perfect? By no means. But it was together. It was whole.

You were whole again.

At least, until you got abducted by Mindflayers.

[mousy-nona]

Prompt/Headcanon:

Yes, yes, everyone loves Alastor being addicted to Lucifer’s blood in this fandom (me too tbh)… but what if,,, the opposite was true? Lucifer being addicted to Alastor’s blood? 👀

It started small. 

Just one lick. 

It had been an accident. He and Alastor had been in the middle of one of their all-out, don’t-stop-til-you-drop brawls. Alastor had started it, because of course he had – he was like the personification of stubbing your toe on the edge of the table, except he was around all the damn time. Lucifer had a vague recollection of yelling at him – “Do you really need to play ragtime jazz at three in the morning? And why are all your speakers facing my side of the hotel?” – and the glimmer of sharp teeth before It Happened. 

Alastor shoved him out of the way with his staff, but Lucifer caught it at the last second and tried to pry it out of his grasp a little too enthusiastically. But Alastor – being the prideful, stubborn sore loser that he was – refused to let go, which meant Lucifer suddenly found himself squashed between an irate deer and the hard wall behind them. 

“Gerroff–” As soon as he spoke, he felt something soft and pliable split beneath the sharp edge of his tooth. 

A second later, something warm and wet touched his tongue. Just a drop.

But sometimes, a drop was all it took.

It was…it was like nothing he had ever tasted before. Like sin and death and the sweetness of apples, all rolled into one. His throat burned, as if he’d chugged an entire barrel of whiskey and stepped up for another round. Everything else he had ever tasted, ever drank, ever smoked, ever kissed faded from his lips entirely. He went in for another lick – but only found empty air. 

Alastor had stepped away, rubbing at the side of his neck. The small scratch he’d made was already closed. Lucifer swallowed, his tongue suddenly a size too thick for his mouth. Alastor’s eyes narrowed, his pupils shifting to twin dials, clearly annoyed that someone had tasted him. That was the kind of thing he did to other people.

And from then on, Lucifer was an angel possessed. 

—-----------------------------

Every time he caught a glimpse of Alastor, the bittersweet taste of forbidden fruit clouded his mind. He hungered. He needed. And he schemed and plotted away for that next fix.

The only problem was Alastor. He was very, very good at plotting – much better than Lucifer was. 

If he crept up behind Alastor while he was chopping ingredients (a devastatingly domestic scene that never failed to make his heart skip a beat), Alastor would put him to work stirring the pot on the opposite side of the kitchen. If he accidentally-on-purpose tried to get close enough to graze him with a sharp claw, Alastor would make very loud insinuations about personal space that would leave Angel Dust snickering and Charlie wide-eyed – Dad, why do you want to get close to Alastor? Ohmigod, are you guys…doing it? What about Mom? 

And as he tried to calm his hyperventilating daughter, Alastor would disappear down the hall, spinning his cane and humming West End Blues.

Once, he got so desperate he just leapt off the stairs, aiming straight for that smooth, slender neck of his – and ended up with a face full of carpet. Alastor re-appeared with one foot ground against the back of his head, the shadows behind him laughing so hard he thought they might laugh themselves out of existence. 

He was going out of his mind. It had been days, and his whole mouth felt like dust. He smacked his head against the bar so hard glasses rattled in their shelves.

“Why, your Majesty, there’s no need to knock out what little brain cells you have left!” Came a merry, smug, utterly punchable voice to his left. He cracked open his eyes, glaring at Alastor’s wide smile, his gleeful, knowing expression. “If there’s something you want…have you ever tried asking?” 

Admittedly, the thought had never crossed his mind.

"Can I...you know..." He gestured towards Alastor's neck, so neatly buttoned and hidden out of sight.

Alastor's eyes flashed green, a ghostly, stitched-up smile hovering just out of sight. "Perhaps. If you're very, very good." He leaned back, satisfaction burning like a brand on every inch of his face. "Only time will tell!"

This time, Lucifer did punch him.

[yayakoishii]

Before I send my request your way lemme tell you how much I loved reading your recent Sanji Fics!! I enjoyed them a lot!!

And as for a request, I don't have anything specific but a vague scenario in my head. The strawhats dock at a lone mysterious island. And they as usual disperse off to do their own things when Sanji happens to stumble upon the reader. Perhaps caught in some trouble, going around with a hidden identity? I'm sorry this is cringe. But it's been in my head for a while now. Whether this ends up interesting you or not, I just wanted you to know, it's been a lot of fun reading you! Have a good day! Or night :D

Unfortunate Encounters | Sanji x Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader

Word Count: 5,997 (that's practically 6k)

Genre: Light Fluff, more Angst, happy ending ofc!

Warnings: Plot heavy, light swearing. Slightly ooc crew maybe? I'm still new to writing for OP, please excuse any mistakes!

A/n: First off, thank you so much for the sweet words anon ;-; they really made my day <3 As for the request, this was not cringe at all!! I got super into it and I had like 3-4 mental drafts of how this fic could go (the og ending was even more angsty lol, but I decided to cut back...) I may have focused too much on the 'lone, mysterious island' part because this was more plot heavy than romantic. The inner plot writer in me emerged because of your prompt; I'm not a romance writer so I struggle with that in this fic >< However, I did enjoy writing it so I hope you enjoy this one too! Thanks for sending such a fun request ❤️

also available on ao3!

The log pose had brought them to another island, but even before they had touched down, Sanji could feel something was up with it. The island just gave off some vibes he couldn't place and he wasn't one to chalk it off to a mistake. His intuition told him something was going to happen here.

"There doesn't seem to be a town here," Nami frowned, looking at the island. All they could see for miles and miles was a dense tropical forest, with trees that seemed larger than their usual size. When they got off the Thousand Sunny, Sanji realised that it was too silent. There were no sounds of birds or any animals that he could hear from the shoreline. "Be careful, guys."

They decided to separate and cover the island quicker. The log pose needed time to reset and it was a curious little island anyway. They could cover it within a day, maximum. Something in Sanji's gut twisted in protest but until he could explain it, there was no way he could stop the chaotic crew. So he let it be and started hacking a path to somewhere.

The trees were dense and the forest was dark, lit up on random intervals by sudden sunbeams that looked like nature's spotlights. Sanji hummed to himself as he studied the plants around him. He walked for a while, noting all the things he could use but not picking anything because the island just rubbed him off the wrong way. It felt dangerous to pick any part of it.

Sanji walked for a while, pausing only when he felt he had heard something – something that sounded like a rustle of leaves, but he couldn't sense a person. He couldn't sense anything but the wind, a gentle breeze drifting through the trees. Strangely, he had not yet come across any of the other Straw Hats either, even though he had been walking for well over an hour and the island wasn't that big in the first place.

There was another rustling, but this time, Sanji could feel a presence. Multiple ones, to be precise. He tensed and cautiously moved aside the curtain of vines blocking his views. The clearing revealed in front of him shocked him– it was like all the animals of the entire island had gathered in one place. And they were all looking at something that he couldn't see.

The moment he stepped in, the animals all turned to him, some of them baring teeth or growling and it was so much sound after so much silence that even Sanji couldn't help the shiver running along his back. A human shout of, "It's okay guys! I'm okay now!" distracted the animals and they turned back to whatever– or rather, whoever, they had been looking at.

Sanji held back, not quite sure what to make of the whole situation, until he heard a barely audible, "Disperse."

Almost like a flip was switched, the animals scattered and Sanji was left incredulously staring at the vines in the middle of the clearing, from where a figure gracefully jumped down. You straightened up and patted at your hair to check for any stray leaves or twigs before you walked over to him.

"An intruder?" You asked, smiling amusedly. "Been a while since we had one."

"That's a harsh word, beautiful," Sanji couldn't hold himself back from calling you that way, after he had gotten over his shock enough to note your features.

"Would you prefer 'uninvited guest'?" You cocked an eyebrow, not cutting eye contact as you straightened out your clothes.

"Ah, you hurt my poor heart," he said, a little bit dramatically as he leaned closer but still at a respectable distance. "Am I unwelcome in your home, goddess of these woods?"

"Wh-?" You couldn't help the chuckle that left your lips at his words. "You're quite something, alright. And as fun as you are, you really are unwelcome here, sorry."

"Why?" Sanji asked curiously. The entire experience felt like some weird fever dream to him, and he couldn't quite make head or tails of anything that was happening but the one thing he was sure of was that there was something about you that piqued his curiosity in all the ways.

"You can't stay on this island," you shrugged and walked past him, expecting him to follow you. Sanji did not fail, falling in step behind you as you started walking somewhere. "2 days, that's all you get. Any longer and… well, it's better if you don't find out."

"Alright, then I guess I'll let my crew know," Sanji sighed, figuring he wasn't getting any more out of you after seeing your guarded expression. The moment he finished his sentence though, you froze in your step and turned around to face him in horror.

"Did you just say… crew?" Your voice sounded a little hoarse and Sanji paused, looking at you in concern. "Please tell me your crew is not on the island."

"If I said that, it would be a lie, sweetheart," Sanji's brows furrowed even as he said it. Something was wrong. Your expression melted into one of full-blown panic, anger and horror.

"Not again!" You cried, burying your face in your hands.

"What's wrong?" Sanji would really, really like some answers today. The entire day had been confusing and eerie vibes and the growing chill in his stomach was now an unnecessary addition.

"What's wrong," you snapped, looking wild and terrified for a second, "is that your entire crew is fucking loose on a cursed island! If they do not get off this island in 3 nights, they will turn into animals and never, ever turn back to humans."

Sanji just stared at you for a few seconds before he dropped the unlit cigarette he had pulled out of his pocket. You were pacing around in circles and he had so many questions that he didn't even know where to begin.

"Then I'll just tell them when we all meet back?" He said unsurely except you turned to face him with eyes full of unshed tears.

"That's a great plan," you said a little sarcastically, "except for the part where this island is cursed and anyone who isn't an animal can't find their way out. Ever. They literally cannot find the way back on their own."

Sanji's jaw dropped. He stared back at you in equal parts horror.

"This has to be the Moss Head's curse spreading," he whispered to himself.

Half an hour later, the two of you were making your way through the dense foliage, exchanging questions and answers– although Sanji was the one doing the asking the most.

You had calmed down after finding out that the crew only had 9 members. You could probably find 8 people in less than 3 days. The island wasn't that big.

Sanji's first question was about how you weren't affected by the curse.

"Because I'm not fully human," you had replied off-handedly and not offered more. It only added to your mystery but despite all your secrets, Sanji could somehow feel inside him that you weren't a bad person. You were going out of your way to help out so that their crew won't turn into animals– if the curse didn't affect you, then you could have very well done nothing.

Then he asked about the other things on his mind. Were the animals in the forest also humans? To his horror, you had replied with a sad yes.

"The log pose doesn't take pirates to this island much," you had explained as you expertly and gracefully made your way over the thorny plants and overgrown roots. Your movement was almost like a mystical dance and Sanji couldn't take his eyes off of it, thankful that you were walking in front of him and couldn't see his ogling. "It's rare but it happens sometimes. Mostly single man boats tossed through storms end up here, but there's been two small crews who came here after me. There were already some animals on the island before though, and I'm pretty sure they were once humans too."

"And there's no cure for this?" Sanji swallowed, his heart hammering from a weird mix of fear, nervousness and excitement.

"Nothing as far as I know," you confirmed, pausing to close your eyes and feel something. "That direction, I can sense someone."

You ran over without waiting for Sanji and he was left to catch up by taking long strides. Before he could show himself though, he felt the presence close in on you and automatically moved in to defend you. His boots rammed against the blunt hilt of a familiar katana.

"Love cook?" Zoro's eyes widened in surprise and he immediately tucked his swords back in. Sanji ignored him in favour of ensuring that you were okay. He found you staring behind him curiously at Zoro, as if the swordsman fascinated you. It didn't mean anything, but it left him feeling a little irritated at Zoro. "Who's this?"

"Um." Sanji realised he had never asked you for your name. Or given you his.

"Inconsequential," you waved it off. "It's not like we're to know each other longer than a day or two. Let's just go and search for the rest. Blondie here can explain everything to you on the way."

"Sanji," he blurted out, reeling back when he saw your surprised face. "Forgive my insolence, sweetheart. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Vimsoke Sanji."

"Well, Sanji," you smiled at him, already walking like you knew where you were going, "get your friend to join us and follow me."

Gladly, his heart answered for him.

✿

You knew this was a mistake. It never ended well when you met other people and liked them. And as you collected more of the Straw Hats, you couldn't help but like them all more and more. You knew this was a mistake, but you couldn't bring yourself to regret it because you knew that if you didn't help them, they would be cursed too.

You had eventually acquiesced and given them your first name, careful not to offer your last name in case any of them recognised you. Zoro seemed to be staring at you quite frequently, but maybe it was just a Straw Hat thing? Sanji had been staring at you the whole time too. Or maybe you looked hideous and they were all politely staying quiet. You didn't quite know, but the thought of looking terrible in front of them (in front of that beautiful blonde boy) was a little mortifying to you.

All those thoughts took a backseat though, because you were on a mission. By the time evening rolled around and the sky had turned to pitch black darkness, you had found a cyborg and a rubber man called Luffy, who was the captain of the ship. He didn't really feel like a captain, or somebody who commanded everyone, but the Straw Hats didn't seem like a typical group of people. They were… unique.

"Let's stop for tonight," you said after assessing the darkness. Of course, you could see everything clearly even in the darkness, but they didn't need to know that. The less they knew about you…

"Shouldn't we keep going?" Zoro asked, looking around.

"Trust me, we're better off waiting the night out," you answered, already settling into the clearing for the night. You had to get a fire going and find food and there were things to be done.

"So I can't eat the animals?" Luffy pouted for the fifth time, asking the same question.

"No, Luffy," you sighed, waving a stick at him. "They might look like animals, but they are people. Please don't kill them or try to eat them."

"They won't attack our crewmates, would they?" Sanji asked, looking worried. You finally managed to light a fire and carefully structured a ring of stones around it to ensure it won't get out before answering.

"The curse lets them have their brain for most of the time," you fidgeted on the spot. "But sometimes, if you harm them, or if they get really hungry, or, y'know… their animal instincts kick in and then they are more animal than human. But it's rare, and won't happen if you don't harm their survival."

The crew fell silent and you watched them whisper amongst themselves a bit. They probably wanted to talk things out, so you got up and said you would go grab something to eat.

"Please don't leave this clearing," you warned them as you walked away. "Finding you again would be so much trouble."

You heard footsteps following you though and turned around to find Sanji trailing behind you.

"Sanji?" You asked, confused. His tall, lanky figure in the forefront of the golden orange light spilling from the fire you started was a picturesque scenery that left your heart thumping a little louder than usual.

"Would you be okay with some company?" He asked quietly. "I'm a chef, so I could probably help you gather some food."

"Alright," you nodded. The two of you walked a while in silence until you found the spot where there were a bunch of large fruits and flowers that you started gathering. Sanji observed what you collected in the little moonlight that was shining through the trees, but you could see him struggling.

"You can see in the dark?" He asked after a beat of silence.

"Mm," you were exhausted from the day. Lying and avoiding things was tiring as it is, and you really weren't in the mood to play the game. If Sanji knew who you were… would it really be that bad? He had been kind so far, always at a respectable distance but with honeyed sweet words that tugged at your heartstrings. You had never had anyone flirt with you, but Sanji was the first. And it left you feeling giddy and warm, the attention he gave you without losing any of the respect and your need for secrecy. If he knew… would he hate you?

Sanji didn't say anything for a while, just offered up his arms for you to stack all the food you had collected.

"Who else is remaining?" You asked, finding the silence was eating at your insides. You had spent so long in silence. And now that you had people around again, you wanted to make the most of it before they had to leave. Just for a while, you could forget and pretend that you're one of them. Just for a while.

"Nami-san, Robin-san," Sanji said, "Brook and Chopper. Wait, Chopper!"

Sanji clapped his hands like he had just thought of something. You looked at him curiously.

"Chopper is a reindeer," Sanji said hurriedly.

"You have a reindeer in your crew…?" You were confused. The Straw Hats were definitely one of a kind, alright.

"He ate the Hito Hito no Mi so he can talk and walk," Sanji explained. "He's our doctor but that's not important right now. He's an animal, right? So he wouldn't be affected by the curse?"

"Highly likely that he isn't," you confirmed.

"Which means he must be the only one back on the ship," Sanji murmured to himself. That's one person (animal?) less to search for, you mused. "He must be scared."

"I hope he's okay," you said quietly. The animals on the island knew each other well. If Chopper ran into them… You didn't really know what would happen. Animals could be scary when they were territorial.

The two of you finished collecting as much as you could carry and walked back, and you asked Sanji to tell you about their adventures. He indulged you, colouring a vivid and humorous picture of the crew in the short while it took you two to get back.

You came back to find Zoro sleeping on his side while Luffy was springing around in the clearing, howling about being hungry and crying for Sanji. Franky sat against a tree, fiddling with something on his body that you didn't wait to see despite your curiosity.

As Sanji started portioning the food to serve to everyone, you stood back and watched the crew interact quietly. It was strange, how at home you felt with them despite not knowing them– but you attributed it to your loneliness.

Even if you wanted to be one of them, you could never curse them like that.

The next morning, you found Nami at the top of a tree. You had seen her when gathering some flowers for breakfast, asleep. You decided to get Sanji to recognise her before you woke her up and got her down. Seeing Sanji fawn and fret over her made you insanely jealous; but you forced it down under a smile and led them back to the camp that had already been cleared up.

You gave the crew a few minutes to catch up and celebrate before you started the search again.

"So…" you searched for a topic as the six of you trudged through the forest. "A reindeer, a cyborg, a gum man, an ex-pirate hunter… Who should I expect next?"

"A skeleton!" Luffy excitedly yelled as he swung past you on the vines, nearly making you stumble from the shock.

"A… what?!" You turned to stare at Sanji in shock, who just smiled softly and shrugged.

"Brook is…" he explained the whole story without getting tired and you couldn't help but be fascinated by everything. The more you learned about them, the more they intrigued you, the more you wanted to beg them to let you join them. But you didn't let those thoughts come to life in words, just helping them find the said skeleton from where he was surrounded by some of the island's animals growling at him.

"Down, guys," you shouted and the animals immediately backed off, all staring at you with innocent eyes that made you huff in laughter. "Don't pull that on me, I just saw you. I know you mean well but it's a little scary when you're surrounded by animals."

One of the deer whined and bumped its snout into your hand. You could feel the Straw Hats staring as you petted it and whispered it to leave the skeleton to you. When the animals had dispersed, you shot a grin at Brook.

"Hi there!" You held out a hand, "It's my first time meeting a skeleton!"

Once the pleasantries were out of the way, you started covering the northern part of the island. It was the only place remaining, aside from the centre. You found Usopp and Chopper there, the two of them hugging each other and bawling.

As it turned out, Chopper had in fact gone back after finding nothing on the island only to find out that no one else had returned. So he had stayed the night in the ship and then came back in search of the others even though he was scared.

"That was very brave of you," you patted him on the head. The reindeer blushed and glared at you.

"I'm not pleased by that at all!!" So he said, but you could see the smile on his face. With almost all of them collected, you started your way to the centre of the island when you heard the clouds rumble.

The sky was full of grey clouds and you were ready for rain, since this was the season on the island.

"There's an underground cave near here," you told the crew as you led them through the thick canopy of trees. "I usually go there when it rains so let's wait it out before we search for… Robin, was it?"

Zoro grumbled something about constant waiting but you chose to ignore it. You knew this island better than any of them. Rains were harsh and the droplets were like bullets on the skin. You couldn't find Robin on the way to the cave but when you reached its opening which looked like a hole in the ground, surrounded by overgrown grass, you felt a presence inside.

The last Straw Hat member was inside the cave, much to all of your relief. This time, you truly stepped back and let the crew reunite, feeling like a true outcast for the first time. Your time together with them was over. Once the rain was gone, they would be out of here and you would be alone again.

Except Sanji turned to you and offered you his hand to invite you into their awkward group hug that Usopp had initiated. You didn't want to intrude but they all looked at you with similar grins and smiles and you couldn't hold it back. You joined them, savouring your first hug in years.

✿

As it turned out, the runes you had found on one of the walls of the cave actually had some sort of meaning that Robin had been able to decipher in the while she had spent in the cave. She had apparently found the cave the previous night and stayed in, then worked on the runes in the morning when she found them.

"It's about a curse on this island," she explained. "Like (y/n) already told us, if anyone spends 3 nights on this island, it turns them into an animal forever. There's a piece of it missing at the end, but the last line says 'the answer lies in the satisfaction of life and a prayer answered'."

"What does that mean?" you asked, confused.

"I'm not really sure," she admitted, running her fingers over the runes. The whole crew mulled over the words as you waited for the rain to stop. You didn't join into the conversation, just letting your mind work quietly with their suggestions as background.

Satisfaction in life… A prayer answered… None of it seemed to make sense. The Straw Hats didn't need to help the animals out, but they were still trying to figure it out. The crew was clearly good at heart and you were glad that you helped them out, even though you would only be left with hurt after they were gone. That pain was worth it.

A squirrel scampered up to you while you listened; the rain outside seemed to be slowing down. You knew the squirrel was the girl around your age who had ended up on the island after a shipwreck. You scooped her up and let her sit on your hand, where she tried to shake off the water from her soaking body. The water sprinkled onto you and you let out a fake indignant "hey!" that made her laugh. Not that you had ever seen squirrels laugh, but you could always understand the animals on the island.

"We found something here," you said quietly to her, bringing her close to wipe off some of the water from her body. "It could be an answer to turning you all back to humans."

She tilted her head and stared at you.

"But none of us understand the riddle," you continued, feeling apologetic to them. You had been the only person on the island who was unaffected by the curse, so you felt like it was somehow your responsibility to help them all turn back. And yet, you had failed at that over and over again. Saira, as the girl's name had been, simply shook her squirrel head and placed a tiny paw on your chest where you had tucked her close.

"It's alright," you could hear her saying in your head. To the others, it probably sounded like a bunch of squeaks. "It's not that bad. I long gave up hope of turning back. Being a squirrel is not that bad. Being able to spend everyday with you who looks out for all of us… I'm happy. All of us are."

Your chest swelled with the emotions and for the first time in a long while, tears streamed down your cheeks. You had held it all in for so long, not wanting to burden the helpless creatures that always kept you company. But knowing their faith in and love for you made your insides warm.

"All we want is for you to be happy too," Saira continued, turning her head to look at the crew. You glanced at them, noticing that Sanji was looking over at you two. "I know you. Go with them."

"I can't," you said in a choked whisper. "Even if they let me, I can't do that to them. I'm not… I'm a curse, Saira. I can't risk it."

The squirrel looked at you helplessly as you cried a little more. Eventually, you wiped away the tears and let your eyes shut to listen to the pitter patter of rain outside. Saira scrambled off your body and over to Sanji, who had watched you the whole while but hadn't heard what you had said.

When you opened your eyes, the rain had stopped. You looked around blearily, and found the Straw Hats all lying around, looking upset.

"You guys should have woken me up when the rain stopped," you said, rubbing your face as you stood up. "Come on, you must be missing your ship, yeah?"

"(Y/n)," Sanji started, looking a little nervous. You looked at him quizzically, but Zoro spoke up before he could say what he wanted.

"Or should we say Kuroneko no (Y/n)?" The familiar words made you freeze in horror. "Harbinger of Death? A 30 million bellies bounty."

"That's…" You took an involuntary step back, bumping into the cave wall. They knew. They knew the secret you had tried so hard to hide. They knew… and they were still looking at you with badly hidden curiosity and grins. None of them looked scared, or upset anymore, like they had been when you were asleep. "I'm… I don't want to lie. That's me. But I swear, I'm not going to do anything. I mean, I don't even actually do anything, all of those incidents just happened–"

"(Y/n)," Sanji placed a hand atop your head, effectively stopping your rambling. You looked up at him, afraid to see him look at you differently, but if anything, his eyes had only become softer. "It's okay. I wish you had told us before, but we get it."

"You do…?" Somehow, it felt too good to be true. People were usually upset when others lied and kept secrets. The secret of who you were could essentially have been a matter of life or death. Kuroneko no (y/n), or rather, Black Cat (y/n) was a name based on your Devil Fruit powers that let you turn into a cat. But they were also a result of you being the only survivor in 4 separate incidents– the annihilation of your home island, the mass genocide in a war town country and the two small crews you had once been a part of. Every single time, all the people had died and you were the only one alive left behind. You had never belonged anywhere, so how could you believe now would be any different?

"It must have been very lonely," Robin's sorrowful eyes reflected that she understood you on some level. You didn't know what to think or feel, unwilling to let yourself hope for anything beyond acceptance.

"It was," you admitted, more to yourself than to them. You had never let yourself truly dwell on the thought, but you had been so, so lonely. "I won't stick around for long. I'll take you to your ship and you'll be free of this island's curse, and of my own. So if–"

"Your curse?" Sanji looked at you, confused.

"It's not exactly a curse," you hesitated, "but there's nothing else I can call it for why… the people I care for end up dead."

"That's not true," Luffy frowned, walking over to you. "Everyone here is still alive. Everyone on this island is alive, we are alive. You are not cursed."

"You were like a blessing in disguise," Usopp said from where he stood, not looking you in the eyes. "I was of course not afraid at all, considering my heavy list of achievements, but you brought us all back together."

"I'm…" you didn't know what to say, feeling overwhelmed.

"You're not cursed, sweetheart," Sanji gently held up your hand, squeezing it to comfort you. "You just had a string of… unfortunate events."

Sanji's struggle to find the right term made you let out a small giggle. Maybe you should extend a hand. Maybe this time…

"Maybe I'm not cursed?" You said hopefully, looking up into his clear blue eyes. Sanji nodded, carefully tucking back a lock of hair behind your ear. The action made you flush, suddenly realising the proximity you two were in.

A flash of light startled all of you and you turned around to find Saira, the human, standing in the place of where the squirrel was. The girl was staring at her own hands and body, like this was a dream. You blinked, unable to believe your eyes either.

Outside the cave, you could hear shouts. Human shouts.

"What just-?" You ran out to find the people who had been turned into animals were back to human. "How…"

"Satisfaction of life and a prayer answered," Robin's voice from behind you was startling. You turned to look at her, and she smiled down at you. "Perhaps the answer was just for the animals to be happy with who they are, with no regrets."

"Then… Then why didn't it change them back before?" You said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Perhaps their prayer wasn't answered back then," she placed a hand on your shoulder and patted it. Did she mean that it only happened now because your one wish through life had been answered? To be free of the curse you had…

With much enthusiasm, the crew got out of the underground cave and everyone was celebrating. The sight of everyone back made you feel like this was the happiest day of your life. You participated in it, letting yourself enjoy the moment without worrying or thinking of anything.

The sun was already setting when the party started and it went on for hours as everyone laughed and danced and ate. (If you were fascinated by how much Luffy could eat, you kept it to yourself to be polite.) It was probably getting close to midnight when Sanji sought you out to where you were sitting by yourself and just watching everyone with fond eyes.

He didn't say a word at first, just sat down next to you. At that distance, you could feel the warmth of his body and you subconsciously leaned closer to the source. For the first time in a long while, your heart felt at peace.

"How did you end up on this island?" Sanji's question made you look over at him. He wasn't demanding an answer, just looking down at you with deep blue eyes that seemed to flash golden as they reflected the bonfire.

"I was on the run from the Marines around a year ago," you hummed, feeling safe and comfortable enough in his presence to finally talk about yourself. After years of not being able to share anything with anyone, it felt freeing to tell him something even as simple as this. "I had just escaped the battle between the crew I was in and this one big pirate ship that I don't even remember anymore. I was wounded but I reached this island on a small boat somehow with a half broken log pose. I shifted into my cat form, which looks less like a cat and more like a black jaguar if anything, to ensure that no one recognised me– because my full transformation is not known by the Marines. I stayed in that form for quite a while, too scared and shaken at that time to turn back into human. Only after a few days of exploring the island did I realise there are no humans here.

"I thought… if there was any place I could not affect anyone with my curse, it would be here. Away from any humans who would get affected by it. At that time, I didn't know about the curse. Looking back on it, I suspect that maybe the curse never affected me because I was in my animal form for 3 nights. Or maybe it was just because that form is like my second skin. I was never disappointed or dissatisfied with it. I only found out about the curse after Saira came on the island and turned into a squirrel. And then two other pirate crews."

"That must have been hard for you," Sanji's voice was quiet but there was no way you could miss the low timbre of it over the excitement all around you. Not when it was the same voice that set your heart off; you wanted to hear everything he had to say. Wanted to know him more and more, as much as he would let you. "(Y/n)-chan."

"Mm?" You turned to look at him, breathless at the proximity from where you could no longer smell the perfume he smelled of the first time you met. The smell coming off him now was something purely him. It was a little intoxicating when coupled with the warm atmosphere and the gooey feeling in your stomach.

"Would you… like to join us?" Sanji seemed a little nervous asking you that. The question gobsmacked you and you stared at him. He… wanted you to join them? As a part of the crew? "I asked Luffy and he said that if you want it, then he's all for it."

"Sanji…" you bit your lower lip, unsure once again. Even though you felt free of the curse, the mentality couldn't be erased in a day. The what ifs, the fear, the apprehension was all still there. "What if we're wrong, though? What if I really am cursed and this has just been a really long build-up to something worse? I might be a risk to your–"

"You're not," Sanji interrupted you for the first time since you had met. The quiet but firm determination blazing in his eyes surprised you. "I believe in you. (Y/n)-chan, if you would let me, I would gladly prove it to you by staying by your side for the rest of your life. I'll stay alive and well, and show you that it's not your fault. I'll be by your side to the very end, so place your fears in my hands and… trust me on this, even if you don't trust anything else."

That little crush you had developed on him at the start seemed to blow up in that moment into a gigantic furnace of emotions. He was ready to take the risk of death, and saying every word with such sincerity that any inhibitions you had went out the window. You couldn't stop yourself from wanting him any longer– he was like the sun, taking your world by storm.

"Really?" You didn't realise when the tears started streaming down your face until his gentle hands came up to wipe them. "You'll stay?"

"I will," and that genuine sincerity was something you couldn't help but believe in. "I will be there for you, as long as you need me."

"Sanji." His name felt both urgent and at ease from your lips.

"(Y/n)-chan," he whispered, voice open and vulnerable again. "Do you… want to be a part of the Straw Hats?"

You swallowed and wondered if you really deserved this much happiness after everything. Yet the moment you looked into his eyes, you felt like there was nothing you could do but be a moth chasing the sun– running after something that you knew will only end up in flames.

"I do."

°•❀•°

[catboybiologist]

Are you comfortable with questions about your journey to HRT?

Like, mentally how you took the leap of faith from femboy to needing something more / different. Asking for, uh, *a friend*, yeah 👀

Holy shit, this got long. This springboarded me into a massive writing about how my life influenced my personal gender philosophy, and is probably more than you bargained for. But I hope it's helpful in some way! I actually had a similar conversation recently with an NB, not on HRT friend of mine. What's the jump that makes you want to do HRT?

I don't think my experience parallels that of a lot of people's - everyone's is unique. But I do think there are good takeaways from my thoughts on this. Now that I have an Adderall prescription and my quarter is about to end, I've started writing some kind of more cited and developed essay or video essay, but that's random future stuff. This post itself is gonna be a little rambling, and a little personal. Sorry!

Vaguely, I think that the *push* to start HRT was a distinct force from tearing down the internal barriers associated with HRT, if that makes any sense. For many people, I think they have some sense of a mild preference of the gender they would "want" to be, but it doesn't bother them enough to actually break down the barriers to transition. For me, breaking those barriers, both internal and external, was as important as the motivations to transition themselves.

One of the major barriers in people's heads, often without them realizing it, is some kind of inherent belief in the "sanctity" of their body. For many people, "permanent changes" are terrifying, "unnatural", and even if they don't have medical risks, intrinsically *feel* like a medical risk they're taking on some level. It's an offshoot of purity culture in a weird way- it's the same root as a fear of psychiatric medicine making you "not you". Much of this is intrinsically religious, but a lot is actually not. I had a little bit of this growing up. Being raised atheist certainly helped in this regard, even though it was still a queerphobic slavic atheism.

The tiny bit of this I did have was sanctity of my mind, which internally, I still viewed as a separate entity from my body. This was 100% incited by crushing academic pressure, which influenced how I think and my own morality in a lot of unexpected ways. I grew up in a kind of infamously high pressure education area. It sounds unrelated, but it's really not. My mind, academics, and thinking kind of got put on a pedestal on my mind. My personal image of myself was basically a detached orb of thoughts and public speaking. I had 0 connection to my body. But since my mind was everything, both psychiatric medication and HRT were these vile things that could alter how I think and my mood! Gasp!

The final, crushing blow to both of these mentalities was studying biology. And WOW there's so much I could say about how studying biology has influenced how I think about this idea, which I want to talk about a lot more outside of the scope of just a tumblr post. But to summarize- it's not even about finding a biological "reason" for transness. It's about how I saw a living thing as a detailed, dynamic, intricate, constantly changing system that is as much a function of its environment as it is any intrinsic factors. And this includes the mind. So since I'm a shambling mass of chemicals anyways..... Why not be a shambling mass of slightly different chemicals?

The "detached orb" image isn't entirely accurate, though. Because, from an early age, I did have a self image that made me happy. And it was a female one. I shoved this deeply out of my mind in shame, leaving behind the "orb". This was my "push", as I called it before. In addition to a weird separation between my mind and my body, an additional factor contributed to my detachment- a growing distress around developing male traits during puberty, which coincided in the worst ways with academic pressure during teen and preteen years. Looking back, I now recognize this as dysphoria. I don't think my dysphoria was ever as extreme as many other people. But this is why I'm emphasizing taking down barriers as much as the weight of dysphoria itself. It has always been easy to distract from my dysphoria, but it's always been my "resting state" without realizing it.

Linked a bit to the second point is also how I felt shame about exploring any aspect of my life other than academic and professional achievement. Being raised in a high pressure environment means that any exploration of my queer identity felt like a distraction from the "real" things I should be focusing on. The final thing that tore this down, which I don't recommend for ANYONE, was an almost traumatic set of events during the pandemic/my masters degree that made me have a wake up call. I wasn't structuring anything in my life for my own happiness. Going through that made me realize I was going to continue being miserable unless I changed that. So... I started taking the idea of transitioning to actually work on my happiness very seriously.

Being a femboy was actually how I tried to reconcile these things in my head. It was my attempt to "compartmentalize"- allow myself to gently indulge in gender nonconformity and the happiness associated with it, while still not making the "commitment" to fully transition. It helps that most of my existence as a femboy was crossdressing during the height of the pandemic- spending hours on analysis and writing while living alone during my MS, wearing femme outfits while I did it. And of course, taking pics to kick off this whole online persona. I also kind of liked the idea of cis gender nonconformity as a concept, and still do. I love how femboys fuck with gender, and I wanted a slice of that for myself. It wasn't enough long term, and my new commitment to happiness overcame my desire to compartmentalize.

The final barriers were practical. By the end of my masters in 2022, I knew I wanted to transition, I just needed to get my social and financial shit together. Cue moving to my PhD university, becoming active in the queer community here, having an accepting professional environment... and yeah. Here I am. Still gotta socially transition outside of my queer circles, but now, I even have a plan for that. I still got a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel like I'm going in the right direction. And I'm very, very happy.

A lot of this is not applicable to everyone. It's mostly my personal experience. But if there is one thing that I think should apply to everyone here, it's this: kill bioessentialism in your mind. Kill the concept of complete sanctity of your mind and body. Break the barriers and then let yourself move freely across the new landscape you've opened up. At the very least, you'll come out with a more healthy relationship with your cis identity. And at best, you'll find a new part of you that needed to be found.

The other thing I think is broadly applicable is this: when initially figuring things out, stop thinking about what you "are", and start thinking about what you want. Would it make you happy to grow breasts, curves, have a femme face, estrogen regulated emotions, and other transfemme HRT changes? Because those are the actual, physical effects of HRT. If the answer is yes, start it. There's no reason not to. Your identity can come later. You deserve to be happy *for the explicit purpose of being happy*. You don't need to validate that desire through some other random factor.

This got WAAAYYYY too long, but if you have any questions, please, please ask!!!!

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lightning Bug - Chapter 19

Master List

Warning: fluff, like a lot of fluff, mention of past trauma, touch deprivation 

Word count: 4.9k 

You weren’t in your room, that much you knew but opening your eyes to look around was a feat in itself. Everything felt heavy. You gathered your remaining strength and opened your eyes. Big mistake. The lights were far too bright and it caused your head to throb. Immediately, shutting them again and a small whimper left your lips. A voice said your name. You tried to determine who it was but your head hurt too much. They said it again. This time you slowly opened your eyes and turned your head slightly towards the voice. It was Helen, so you must be in med bay. “What happened?” You asked. Your throat was killing you and you had no memory of what occurred. 

“You're in med bay,” she said. “Does anything hurt?”

“Just my head,” you winced as you sat up. 

“That is to be expected,” she handed you a cup of water. You downed the entire thing. “Do you have any memory of what happened?” You thought about it. It was like someone went in and erased part of your memory. “You had an attack, fell, and hit your head on your nightstand. You’ve been unconscious for a little over 2 days.” 2 days?! That was a first. “We are saying you had a seizure but we both know that’s not true,” she sat in the empty chair next to you. You heard voices in the hallway. 

“Do they know?” She nodded her head. You looked down at your uncovered hands. “I’m so afraid of myself, Dr. Cho.” You admitted. There was so much blood on your hands. 

“Are you afraid because people told you to be afraid and corrupted the viewpoint you have of yourself?” You didn’t respond. “Bruce was afraid of the Hulk. America and Wanda feared their powers and I can guess that Natasha feared the person the Red Room tried to create. You live with a group of people who understand that fear but you need to let them in and allow them to shoulder that fear with you,” you saw her glance at your hands. “How long has it been since someone friendly touched your skin?”

“Too long,” you whispered, tears pooling at the corner of your eyes. The only person that was never afraid of you was your brother. “Is Natasha here?” You vaguely remember her saying she had to leave for a mission with Wanda. Helen nodded. “Can you get her me? I’d leave to speak with her alone.” You watched Helen leave your room and close the door. With a sigh, you looked up at the ceiling. A weird feeling began to form in your stomach. It wasn’t jealousy or the tingling feeling you felt when your powers needed to be released. You pinpointed the feeling to nervousness. 

It felt like a lifetime ago when you made a bucket list and on your list was to hug Natasha. You wondered how her hands would feel against yours or her arms around you as she hugged you. Would she even hug you or would she turn you away?

That feeling began to grow. It made your body warm up and a small smile formed on your lips. For the first time in a long time, you felt okay. 

*

The door closing caused Natasha to look up and the conversation stopped. The Black Widow wasn’t sure what Kate, Yelena, and America were talking about, to focused on the door in front of her. “Are her vitals still good?” Natasha asked the doctor. She was becoming concerned about how long it’s been. Helen smiled.   

“Great actually,” she said. “She’s awake and wants to talk to you, alone,” she looked at the Black Widow. 

“Me?” She questioned. Helen nodded. 

“I’ll give you some space and I’ll come back to check on her later.” Natasha sighed, looking at the door that separated her and the young girl. 

“Why do you think she only wants to talk to me?” She asked her girlfriend. 

“Just don’t sit there and go find out,” Yelena said, pushing on her back. Natasha rolled her eyes and stood up. She felt Wanda squeeze her hand before she walked over to the door. Letting out a shaky breath and trying to push down her nervousness, she opened the door. The door closing behind her caused the teen to look up. 

“Hi Nat,” she whispered. Her voice was so soft. No matter how many times Natasha looked into her eyes the color took her breath away. But she was so glad to see them because it meant she was okay. They looked different somehow as she made her way to the chair she sat in for the past 2 days. “I’m sorry you and Wanda got pulled from your mission,” the teen continued. 

“Don’t apologize. Your health and well-being are far more important. Besides I would rather be here than kissing some politician’s ass,” Natasha expected her to smile instead she frowned. 

“This is still new to me,” she said. “The idea that people generally care about me. For my entire life,” she hit the bed. “I’ve been hurt by people that shouldn’t have hurt me and I’ve been called horrible names because of something I was born with. I was a freak, a monster, and an abomination,” her voice creaked and Natasha saw her eyes swell with tears but they didn’t fall. “I’ve learned to fear myself because of what others called me and forced me to do,” she looked at Natasha and the sight was breaking the Black Widow’s heart. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I’d like to try to open up to all of you and tell you what happened to me.” 

“Whenever you're ready we’ll listen.”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she repeated and raised her hand to Natasha. The teen nodded, a sign to tell it was okay. Natasha felt her stomach drop as she whipped her hand on her pant leg and raised her own. Green eyes locked onto blue to try to find any second guessing but Natasha saw none. So connected their hands. She was surprised at how soft they were, a little dry from years of being covered. The teen gasped and Natasha tried to pull her hand back but she held it tighter. Tears started to fall down her face. “It’s been so long,” she whispered. “So long since hands that won’t hurt me have touched my skin,” she was staring at their connected hands. Finally, she looked up. “Can -?” She cleared her throat. “Can I have a hug?” 

“Of course,” Natasha tried to keep her voice steady as she didn’t want to sound too excited. This was something she’s been wanting for so long. She stood up and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, opening her arms. There was some understandable hesitation but Natasha wanted her to make the first move. Soon the teen hugged the Black Widow. She waited for her to get used to the feeling before wrapping her arms around her. Y/n tensed up and Natasha feared she did something to trigger the young girl but she relaxed. Natasha adjusted her position on the bed as she felt tears stain her shirt. The girl’s whole body was shaking. “Sh molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug),” Natasha whispered. “You're safe. I got you.” She kissed the top of her head. The small action and statement caused a sob to escape her and Natasha held her tighter. 

*

All of your senses were consumed by the Black Widow and it was overwhelming. You wondered if she could feel how fast your heart was beating but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. When Natasha touched your hand, her skin was warm against yours. Her hand was rough due to years of training and her fingers had calluses on them. She didn’t hesitate when you asked for a hug and you never felt more safe than in her arms. Her hands rubbed soothing circles on your back. The last time you were held like this was with your brother and that was so long ago. Natasha moved slightly and her hand left her back. You couldn’t help the whine that left your lips. “Sh, milyy (sweetie), I’m not going anywhere.” You heard footsteps approaching you. Glancing, you saw it was Wanda. 

“Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I can leave if you want.” You ended the hug with Natasha, missing her warmth immediately. 

“I’m okay,” you said. “I want you to stay,” you looked at Wanda’s hands. How would they compare to Natasha’s? You mirrored the same action with Natasha and held out your hand. Unlike her girlfriend, Wanda didn’t hesitate to take your hand. “Your hand is so soft!” It was true. The witch had no calluses on her fingers. Wanda giggled at your blunt comment, and your cheeks blushed. 

“I use a good moisturizer,” she smiled. Wanda let her hand so they were palm to palm, comparing the size difference. Once you were done, you instinctively rested your head on Natasha’s shoulder. “Are you up for more visitors?” She asked. You nodded and Wanda walked back to the door. 

“Molniyenosnyy zhuk,” you said. “What’s that mean?” You looked up at her and she was smiling. She said it a few more times for you to get it right. 

“It means a lightning bug,” her smile grew. “Do you know how lightning bugs glow?” You shook your head. “When I was about your age, Yelena and I were in the backyard with our mom and she told us they can convert chemical energy into the glowing light we see called bioluminescence,” she explained. 

“Kind of like me,” she nodded. 

“Yes, exactly like you,” Natasha tapped you on the nose causing you to scrunch it. “So you are a molniyenosnyy zhuk.” You liked it. It was the first time you’ve had a nickname. Smiling, you burrowed your head into Natasha’s side. She smelt like vanilla and you wondered if it was from her perfume or Wanda’s. The sound of the door opening caused you to sit up a little. It was Yelena, Kate, and America. You smiled at the sight of your friends. 

“Gave us quite a scare,” Yelena teased, making your cheeks blush and offering her a shy smile. You let Natasha move away and allowed the trio to come closer. 

“Sorry about that,” you said, scratching the back of your head. “That attack,” you still weren’t sure what to call it. “Took me by surprise.” 

“Could you tell when they would come?” Wanda asked. You nodded. It felt weird talking about it. This was a secret you kept close to your heart because you were forced to. 

“It starts with a tingle in my palms,” you told them. “It doesn’t happen all the time only if there is a lot of energy or my emotions are all over the place,” you sighed, looking down at your hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” you said honestly. 

“It’s okay bud,” Kate smiled. “We are just glad you are okay.” You were glad too because if you weren’t you wouldn't be able to get a hug from Natasha or feel Wanda’s hands. You raised your hands to Kate and Yelena. The couple stole a glance at each other before connecting their hands with yours. It was a strange contrast. Yelena’s hand was cold but you couldn’t tell if it was from her rings or she was just normally cold. Her hands were smooth, unlike her sisters. Now for Kate’s hand, it was warm and her hands were rough from using her bow. You let go of their hands. 

“Thank you for trusting me,” you told them. “Not many people do.” 

“Trust is a two-way street,” Yelena said. “So thank you for trusting us.” You looked at America, who was oddly quiet. You could feel her nervous energy radiating off of her as you raised her hand. But she didn’t take it. 

“Are you sure?” She asked instead. You squint your eyes, tilting your head at her question. “Do you remember the last time we were together?” Of course, you did. You were so scared that she was going to hate you or everyone was going to be mad. But they weren’t. 

“I do,” you smiled. “But I’m done being afraid. You're my best friend.” Her eyes widened at your concession and soon she took your hand. It was hard to describe the feeling of her hand in yours. It felt right. You felt your face heat up and quickly let go of her hand, not missing the smirks on Natasha and Wanda’s faces. “So,” you said, whipping her hands on the blanket. They felt very sweaty all of a sudden. “Fill me in on everything I’ve missed.” 

*

“Knock, knock,” the laughter stopped as the door opened and you saw Pepper and Tony walk in. “Are you up for two more visitors?” 

“Yeah!” You said but you were distracted by the table that Tony wheeled in with a blanket covering a tower-like structure. 

“What’s that?” Kate asked. 

“A little surprise for the kid,” Tony smiled at you. “But we have to wait for Bruce  so please continue this cute family moment.” Wanda waved her hand and two chairs appeared for Tony and Pepper. You were amazed by her powers, a little jealous of the things she could do with them. The conversation continued as stories were passed around. Tony and Natasha went back and forth telling the story of Natasha’s undercover work in Stark Industries. Her fighting Happy in the boxing ring sent you into a fit of giggles. Your laughter continued as Yelena told stories about her and Natasha’s father. It was nice to sit and laugh with them. You felt normal.   

“I thought I had a two-person visiting policy,” Helen teased, walking into your room. 

“To be fair that rule was only when I was unconscious,” you smiled. The doctor glared but you saw no real threat in it. 

“You're worse than Natasha,” the Black Widow gasped, clutching her chest. 

“I’m a perfect patient, thank you very much,” Helen rolled her eyes as the group erupted into laughter. She started to check on your vitals and the tablet Tony was holding began to ring. 

“Hey Big Green,” Tony answered. “Say hello to the star of the hour,” he turned the tablet around. You saw Bruce standing in a lab you didn’t recognize. 

“Glad to see you are okay,” he smiled. 

“Hi Bruce,” you waved at the doctor. Your eyes went back to the covered object as everyone said their hellos. “So,” you said, slowly. “Can I see what’s under the blanket?” Tony laughed. 

“I’m calling it the Stark Recharge,” the billionaire said, handing the tablet to Pepper and taking off the blanket. There was a big red target connected to a metal coil spring. At the end of the spring was a box with 4 batteries. Each batter had a meter to monitor their charge. 

 “What is it?” America asked. 

“It kind of looks like a cell tower,” Yelena said, with her head tilted. You giggled. 

“Cho said it’s important to use your powers,” you looked at the doctor, who was nodding her head. “This is a safe and controlled way for you to use them,” Brue said. 

“You hit this target with your powers and the electricity you produce charges these batteries,” Tony explained. “These batteries will be sent to homeless centers and countries that need them.”

“It’s so you can relearn that your powers aren’t something to be afraid of,” Pepper added. You looked at the CEO. “That when applied correctly they can do some good.” Have you ever used your powers for good? Your parents never wanted you to use them unless it was a way to benefit them which turned into being at the church for long hours to power it. With HYDRA, there were no good moments just pain, torture, and bloodshed. All of your life, your powers were used to break the law and cause so much pain. 

“Can I try it?” You asked the group. Natasha looked at Helen for her final say. 

“Yes,” she finally said after some thought. “Just don’t overdo it.” She took off the ekgs and the clear tube around your nose. With the help of Wanda, you got out of bed. The ground was cold on your bare feet as you stood in front of the machine. 

“So I just aim for the target,” Tony nodded. “And if I miss?” You questioned. 

“Then you miss and hit the wall,” he shrugged. “Walls are easy to fix.” You nodded, shaking out your legs and arms. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve used them. You might want to stand back.” But they didn’t move. They trusted you so you just had to trust yourself. You sighed, closing your eyes. It was so strange how a few harsh words and punishments could change your perspective on yourself. There was a time you liked the stuff you could do. You were like a superhero in the books you read. You let out a shaky breath, steadying the beat of your heart. Then you focused on their heartbeat, the energy they were creating, and the electricity in the room. It was strong and steady and for a very long time since you weren’t afraid. Your fingers began to move, mimicking the way a pianist played the piano. You felt your fingers and hands tingle. You looked at your hand and watched the electricity dance around your fingers. Smiling, you extended your arm, and the stream of electricity left and traveled toward the machine. A direct hit on the target and the batteries began to fill. When they were at 100%, you cut off the stream. Your chest was heaving, not used to using your powers. 

“How do you feel, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug)?” You looked at the Black Widow. 

“Good,” you said honestly. “Like a weight has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe easily again.” 

*

Helen cleared you that evening. After a shower and a quick dinner, you found yourself on the couch laying on Kate’s stomach as she flipped through the streaming services to find a movie. It was so different from cuddling with her over a blanket. You could feel the warmth she radiated off and sometimes she could run her fingers through your hair. “Are you stealing my girlfriend?” Yelena asked, sitting by your feet. “Can I pet your legs on my lap?” You nodded and she lifted your legs.  

“I’m not stealing her,” you smiled. “Just burrowing her.” You felt Kate’s laughter rumble through her. 

“We can cuddle anytime,” she said. “Alright, when I’m not cuddling Lena.” She added on quickly. The blonde’s cheek turned a light pink which caused you to giggle. 

“What are you watching?” America asked, climbing over the couch to sit next to Kate. She had a bowl of popcorn and you took some from her. 

“No clue,” Kate said, throwing the remote at Yelena. “Pick something.” The Russian rolled her eyes. “Oh I’m about to lose my cuddle buddy in 3,2, and 1,” Kate mumbled as Wanda and Natasha sat on the other side of the couch. Your body tensed up as you stared at the couple but you didn’t move. “Go on,’ Kate said. You looked up at the archer. 

“Are you sure?” You asked. Kate nodded with a smile. You sat up and walked over to the couple, fidgeting with your hands. 

“Can I sit with you guys?” You asked, pointing to the space between them. 

“Pop a squat, squirt,” Natasha said, moving over slightly. You sat down, resting your head on Natasha’s shoulder. 

“I’m putting on the Greatest Showman,” Yelena said. “Any objections? No. Perfect.” You didn’t care what you watched, perfectly content with being right here. 

*

  It wasn’t long before Natasha noticed the teen falling asleep against her. “Do you want to go to bed?” Natasha whispered. She shook her head, instead, she moved closer to Natahsa and rested her head on her chest. Wanda maneuvered the girl’s legs across her lap. A small smile formed on her face. 

“Can I see your magic?” She asked the witch, keeping her voice too low to not disturb the movie. Wanda nodded and her fingers began to glow. To Natasha’s surprise, the girl raised her hand and the flow moved from Wanda’s fingers to her own. “It feels alive,” she whispered. “Like a small heartbeat.” She connected their hands and the red glow was put out. Natasha saw tears forming in her girlfriend’s eyes. “I like it,” she closed her eyes. Soon her breathing evened out and she was asleep, still holding on tightly to Wanda’s hand. 

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked, putting her hand on the back of Wanda’s neck and playing with the baby's hair. 

“Yeah,” she whispered, looking at their connected hands. “I’m great.” 

*

“So where is this ring from?” You asked, holding onto Yelena’s hand and looking at the rings. You and the blonde were tasked with breakfast duty. It was probably easier to order and have Happy pick it up but you wanted to see Annie and get a hug from her. Yelena looked at the ring you asked about. 

“It’s a handle of a spoon made into a ring,” she said, taking it off and handing it to you. It was a very unique design and it was impressive that it was a spoon. “One of the Widows we saved opened up a small business to sell them.” 

“It’s beautiful,” you handed it back to her. “I think I want some rings. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to wear them. You know with the whole ability to produce electricity,” Yelena chuckled, allowing you to take her hand again. 

“How does it feel to have everyone know?” She asked. You tilted your head as you thought about it. You haven’t had much time to think about it. It was weird, and bizarre to have a group of people know what you could do and not blink an eye. They acted like nothing changed. 

“Kind of weird,” you admitted. “I guess it’s another thing I have to get used to.” Yelena opened the door to the cafe. The familiar bell announced your presence in the busy cafe. Annie looked up and she smiled when she saw you. She spun around to talk to someone but you weren’t close enough to hear what she said. Annie left the counter and a young girl took her place. “Did you hire someone?” You asked as she walked over to you. 

“We did,” she led you over to her office. “We’ve been busy and we needed extra help.” She opened the door and ushered you in. “How are you, sugar?” She asked as the door closed behind you. “They told me you were hurt.” You looked at the Russian, unaware that Annie was informed. She shrugged. 

“She’s important to you so she’s a part of this family,” you smiled. 

“I’m good actually. The best I’ve been.”

“That’s great!” She excitedly said. “I’m so happy for you.” It was now or never you thought, playing with the bottom of your shirt. 

“We came here for more than just food,” she tilted her head. “Can I have a hug?” You asked. The surprise on her face made you smile. For as long known as the Breaux, they knew your fear of touching others. “I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you to you and Paul,” you said, trying to look anywhere besides the woman in front of you. “You saved my life so thank you.”

“Oh sweetheart, come here,” she held out her arms. Without hesitation, you hugged her. Her arms wrapped around you. She was warm and smelt like cinnamon, sugar, and coffee. It smelt like home. 

*

“You wanted to speak with us,” Natasha said, sitting down in the empty chairs in front of Helen’s desk with Wanda. FRIDAY notified the couple that the doctor wanted to speak with them. It filled Natasha with unnecessary anxiety. 

“It’s nothing bad,” she told them, closing a file. “How much do you know about touch deprivation?” 

“It occurs when some doesn’t get as much or any physical touch,” Wanda said. Helen nodded. 

“It’s just physical touch but any emotional interaction. A person may feel isolated or experience symptoms of depression,” the doctor explained. 

“You think Y/n is touch deprived.” Natasha guessed where this conversation was headed. 

“Yes. She admitted to not having her skin touched positively for a long time. Skin-to-skin contact is not only for mental and emotional health but physical health, too,” she leaned forward, head resting on her hands. “I love that she’s opening up to all of you and allowing herself that level of comfort but I wanted to go over some things with you.”

“Of course,” Natasha said. “We’ll do anything to help her.” So Helen began to explain ways to help. Give her plenty of positive touch and never associate touch with negativity like pinching or pushing her away. 

“Set boundaries with her and don’t be worried if she regresses to younger behaviors. Her entire life she’s been denied a safe place to receive love, now she has it.” 

“Do you think having her speak with someone could help?” Natasha suggested. She remembered Sam saying he could find someone to talk to. Helen thought for a moment. 

“I think it could do her some good but I wouldn’t spring it onto her now,” she said. “It took a while for her to trust you and she hasn’t fully opened up yet. Give her time to adjust to this new normal.” 

*

You were playing thumb war with Sam on the common floor when the elevator opened. A glance over and you saw Wanda and Natasha. “Ah I won,” Sam said, pinning your thumb with his. You stuck your tongue out at him. 

“Breakfast is from Annie’s,” you told the couple as they walked over to the kitchen. The tower was quiet. America was at the Sanctum, Yelena, Tony, and Maria was in Overwatch, and Kate was working on more trick arrows in the lab. You swung your legs as they made their plate. 

“Have you eaten?” Wanda asked. 

“This girl can eat,” Sam teased, rustling your hair. You pushed his hand away. “Is Helen free?” Natasha nodded. “I’ll see you guys later.” It was not you three alone. 

“Why were you with Helen?” You asked, sipping on your orange juice. 

“She just wanted to go over some stuff about you and your recovery that we can help you with,” you gave her a questioning look. Natasha sighed, taking a small bite of her food. “Do you know about touch deprivation?” She asked. You nodded, crossing your arms. Sometimes you would feel your arms tingle when you watch those around you embrace. An ache in your chest would grow and you knew it was loneliness.” 

“Helen thinks I’m touch deprived,” you said, not able to look at them. The soft hand of Wanda touched your arm. “Natasha was my first hug in 9 years,” you admitted. “Before that, I would get a hug from my brother when my parents weren’t around.” You finally looked up. “I’m sorry I’m so messed up.” You tried to joke to lighten the mood. 

“Sweetheart, you’ve been through a lot of your age,” Natasha said. “We all have baggage that we carry.”

“But now you don’t have to do it alone,” Wanda added. 

“So, you don’t mind that I want to cuddle with you.” It was a fear that was bubbling inside of you. They were only doing this to be nice. 

“Not at all,” Natasha smiled. “And if we can’t or we’re busy we’ll tell you, okay?” You nodded, smiling. 

“I hugged Annie today,” you told them. “It was nice.” 

“I’m proud of you, dorogoy (sweetheart),” you smiled at her praise. “So what’s your plan for today?” You shrugged. You haven’t thought about that. You haven’t read in a while or practiced your Russian but those activities seemed like a lot of work still. So, you were just going to hang around the tower and you told the couple that. “Do you want to hang out with us?” 

“Yes!” You said without any hesitation. “I mean, yes sure sounds good.” Your cheeks flushed at your excitement. Natasha chuckled. 

“That was cute,” your cheeks flushed a deeper pink. “We’ll show you some of our favorite spots in the city. We’ll clean this up and we’ll head out. Do you need anything from your room?” You nodded, waiting to grab your phone. “Perfect! We’ll meet you up there.” You jumped off your seat and took the stairs to your floor. On your nightstand, the yellow rubber gloves were there. You picked them up and sat down on your bed. For the longest time, the gloves were the only thing in your life that was constant. Every morning, afternoon, and night they were there to cover your hands and offered you a sense of protection and safety. 

“Hey,” you looked up at Natasha. “Are you okay?” She asked, leaning against your doorway. 

“Yeah,” you said, hitting the gloves against your hands. “Just thinking,” you put your phone into your pocket and walked into the kitchen. With one final look at the gloves, you threw them away. It was time to move forward and not let fear control your future.  

- 

Taglist:   @aestruvx, @toouncreativeforausername, @modedddd, @julilamoment, @mythixmagic, @yourmamacom, @vicmc624, @cherlenovix, @liliesandrosies, @whitewidowsbite, @clintsbigtoe,   @blackbirdv98   @arualdcg  @yoyo-w​  @natbelovasblog

[three--rings]

thought of a story that I haven't told that tumblr may enjoy.

So I majored in psychology in undergrad, right, and when you take psych classes they almost always require you to do a certain number of hours of being an experimental research subject, right, because professors have to publish and need someone they can force into their studies without paying, right?

And like that's fine if it's 4 hours for one class, but when you're doing an entire psych major in two years like I did, that's a LOT of hours of research studies.

And we all dreamt of getting in those fun social psych experiments where they fuck with your head, right? And not the ones where they make you sit in front of a laptop and do math for an hour. (They made me DO MATH Y'ALL. "This is an experiment in how well you learn under certain conditions." Conclusion: you suck at this.)

Anyway, you'd get funny things like one time I turned up on campus on a freaking SATURDAY for a study and sat around in a courtyard with like 30 other people while nothing happened and all of us talking about like "hey, uh, do you think THIS is the study? Like to see if we leave?" But no, just no one turned up for us and we didn't get our freaking hours.

But one time I DID end up in one of those freaky social psych studies. So to be fair, I had insider knowledge, because again, psych major. So I signed up intentionally to my social psych profs study. Hoping at least it wouldn't be math.

And I arrive and am greeted by...the TA for my social psych class wearing a fat suit.

It's like IDK April or something and Texas and 80+ degrees and she's in a long skirt and a sweatshirt. And also she's MY TA. I recognize her. I even say "Oh, hi!" like I would when seeing someone I know on campus. And she greets me like she vaguely recognizes me. But, normally she is not approximately 280-300lbs.

So, I'm, like REALLY REALLY sure it's a fat suit. Like....99.5% sure.

But not 100%.

And so what the FUCK do you SAY to THAT? Well, obviously you don't say FUCKING SHIT. You pretend nothing is fucking weird, right? Because the very, very small chance that you are WRONG and this isn't a normally thin girl in a fatsuit but a real person who is shaped like that is still...NOMINALLY THERE and OMG what if you comment on it and you're WRONG?

So I get ushered into this little room and shown a bunch of pictures of people and asked to rate them on various things like competency and attractiveness, this is normal social psych survey stuff, except I'm SURE the experiment is does the person in the room with you and their appearance change your ratings.

And the whole time I'm distracted as FUCK, cause I'm just sitting there thinking "am I wrong and this isn't my TA somehow? no, no, pretty much ALMOST certain I'm right...etc." And "why would anyone be wearing a sweatshirt in this weather/building if they WEREN'T wearing a fatsuit?"

But MAYBE the point of the experiment is "will this person call out an obvious fake fat person?" And should I do so or not? Is this social pressure to conform and not speak the truth I know? Should I say something? I, uh, may have had an unknown and untreated anxiety disorder at this point in my life so, yeah I'm LOSING MY MIND and probably acting like a FREAK.

So anyway, eventually I decide okay, obviously you can't say anything because yeah...but you will be debriefed once this is over and you'll FIND OUT THE TRUTH. You won't have this lingering doubt in your mind when this is over because they will debrief you.

If you don't know human research, debriefing is when, after all the experiment data collection is over, they inform the subject of what the topic of the research was and explain any tricks or deception or anything to them. (We played distracting music to see how you did on the test...) If there was any potential distress involved it should be dealt with by examiners, etc. Usually in practice you are handed a slip of paper that explains the purpose of the study and what you did.

Usually you don't care and barely read it. But I was dying to be debriefed. I wanted her to be like "yeah I am wearing a fatsuit" and me to be like "lol, yeah I know, cause like, I know you right?" And if the secret purpose of the experiment was actually "will you say something" then I will be told that and get to explain why I didn't.

Like sometimes debrief also involves follow-up questions that helps determine why you gave responses you did or whether you should actually have your data thrown out for some outlier reason (like the person faking being fat is my fucking TA).

So we get done with all the questions and leave the small room. And we're in the antechamber and the TA is like "okay, cool, thanks bye" and directs me to the door. And doesn't hand me a debrief slip or mention debriefing AT ALL.

And now I'm fucking SPOOKED. It's a TRICK and they want you to SAY SOMETHING and you're going to try to leave without saying anything and they will then stop you and debrief you. So I wait, for like...several seconds, waiting for her to remember debrief and just get stared at so I go "oh okay" and like stutter-step my way to the door of the office and like open it and turn back and she's already gone, and so I like, step out into the quad and am like "what. the. fuck."

And I literally stand there like "should I go back in and ask to be debriefed?" Literally I knew enough to know that THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF DEBRIEFING to not leave subjects wondering about shit like this and not leave them with nagging doubts and questions.

And the only really mysterious experiment of my life just failed to debrief me.

But of course I don't do anything but walk slowly away.

And it's now 20+ years later and I never did find anything out. Except you can DAMN well bet I confirmed at my next class that 1) yeah that was TOTALLY my fucking TA, I was right and 2) NO she was actually really slim.

So I'm sure it was about how a fatsuit (or *cough* sorry "attractiveness") of an interviewer changes responses to surveys. But I'm STILL mad I wasn't debriefed because it's fucking annoying and violates HRB standards and I could have gotten them in serious trouble over that by reporting it. And also my data should have been thrown out.

Also this is why you shouldn't trust psychology studies because the subject pool is SHITTY AS FUCK. "Psychology is the study of the average American college sophomore" as one of my profs quipped and then didn't change his method of getting subjects.

[wyattjohnston]

waiting to break - jack hughes

series: we don’t have no time to waste

summary: the tough conversations are the ones that bring you closer to together.

word count: 1,927

warnings: mentions of abortion, pregnancy fears, bulimia, zegras is also in this if that matters to you

Being back in Michigan always settled Daisy more than ever she recalled—it was the third summer in a row that school had ended, Jack’s season had ended and they touched down in Michigan all tension released from her shoulders.

The back porch became her favourite place quickly, the high afternoon sun warming her skin as she laid claim to a recliner that she wasn’t going to give up for anybody no matter how often the boys complained about her not sharing it around.

A major downside to the back porch was the horrible squeaking made by the sliding door whenever someone came out to talk to her—which, as much as she loved all the boys dearly, was far too often.

Trevor was the first to interrupt her, early one Monday morning, cringing as the door disturbed his attempt at subtlety and offering her a cup coffee.

“Hey, Haisy,” he greeted, using the nickname derived from her Instagram handle. He asked, cautiously, “You doing alright?”

“In what respect?”

“The—you know.”

Daisy’s lip twitched at his vagueness; it was the same way everyone asked her about it.

“The abortion? I’m fine, Trev,” she answered, her voice filled with nothing but honesty. “I have zero regrets about it.”

“Good,” Trevor said, nodding. He finally sat down on the recliner beside her instead of hovering. “Great. That’s—I’m really glad to hear that.”

As much as Trevor could talk, they sat in silence on the porch, staring out through the trees and the garden in front of them. The rest of the house was quiet, no sign of life from anyone else, and the lack of conversation wasn’t great for Daisy’s train of thought.

It was a train of thought that crept in every time she was left to think for any length of time, one that she’d not brought up to anybody else—one that she hadn’t wanted to bring up but it was eating away at her and Trevor felt like the best person to voice it to. Partly because he was there at that moment and partly because he would have the most insight into Jack’s brain.

“I do want to ask you something—tell you something?” she said, unable to make eye contact with him, even as she saw him turn his head in her periphery. “I think I need your advice.”

Trevor was laughing when he spoke, “My advice? I don’t think you’ve ever come to me for advice.”

Daisy drew her knees to her chest, her chin resting atop them.

“Jack and I… we haven’t…” she inhaled so deep her lungs hurt and then continued, all in one breath, “Trevor, I’m so scared of getting pregnant again that Jack and I haven’t had sex since March.”

“Oh,” Trevor said, no longer laughing. “Really? He didn’t tell me that. What do you need my advice for? I don’t really know how to help you with that.”

It wasn’t far off from what Daisy had been expecting if she was being totally truthful. It had her questioning her decision to talk to Trevor but only briefly before the words started to spill out of her mouth again, a faucet leak that could not be stopped once it started.

“What if he decides he’s had enough of waiting?” she asked rushed despite the whisper she was speaking in. “Like, I haven’t talked to him why and I’m really scared that he’s…” A lump grew in her throat, it was difficult to talk around. “Scared he’s going to leave me if I don’t soon.”

Trevor went silent for just long enough that Daisy had to look at him, moving her cheek to her knees and regretting it when she saw him staring distantly through the trees. She lifted her head just so that she could drink coffee, and followed it up with a long sigh, because maybe getting it out of her head hadn’t been the relief she’d wanted it to be.

The sigh kickstarted Trevor again, a little shake of his head just before he said, assuredly, “Jack’s not going to leave you.”

“Our entire relationship is sex—are we even Jack-and-Daisy if we don’t have sex?”

“Uh, yeah. If your relationship falls apart because you aren’t having sex then the rest of us have no hope in finding true love.” Trevor turned on the recliner, nudged her leg with his foot, and added, “You need to talk to him. I’m not the right person to fix this.”

Another sigh left Daisy before she rose to her feet and to the railing just so that she could lean over it and return some blood back to her brain. Trevor was beside her in an instant, his hand on her upper back in what she could only assume was meant to be comforting—it was really just putting her more on edge.

She straightened up, worried about the potential for anybody else to see them through the door and ask what was going on.

With a tight jaw, she said, “I don’t know how to talk to him about it because I don’t know when I’ll be ready—if I’ll be ready. I can’t risk that again.”

“He’s not leaving you, Daisy. He hasn’t even talked to me about it—the not having sex thing. Definitely no mentions of breaking up with you. You’re a couple of nymphos, sure, but your relationship is more than that.”

“He’s my best friend,” she said with a trembling bottom lip. Trevor was quick to wrap his arms around her, and Daisy held her breath to try and stem the tears. She managed to squeak out, “I’m so scared that if I bring it up it’ll ruin everything.”

He pulled back, sure and clear when he said, “I’ll bring it up with him. You have to have the convo with him, but I can at least get him to start it.” There was a pause, a moment of hesitation, and Daisy waited out the strained look on his face until he added, “You know that the talk is about the pregnancy thing and not just sex, right?”

Her eye roll was affectionate. “Yeah, Trev. Thank you.”

Daisy had no timeframe for whenever Trevor was going to bring anything up with Jack and no desire to rush the eventuality. It had been a painfully long twenty-four hours of playing up the severity of her cramps, just enough to give her an excuse to lay in bed and be grumpy.

Jack came into check on her again when she didn’t make an appearance for dinner, offering to get her whatever she wanted to eat only to be met with a shake of her head because the cramps really were taking their toll. He frowned at her, his eyebrows pulling together so tight it looked painful.

Daisy wished she hadn’t kicked off the covers when she started overheating because she wanted to pull them up around her neck and hide from the concern he was exuding.

He shuffled his feet, his hands wringing uncomfortably in front of him, and said, finally, “I had a chat with Z today.”

Unhindered by any sheets, Daisy launched into a seated position before she had even registered the panic running through her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, hastily and perhaps a little too loudly.

Jack flinched at the unexpected reaction, asking just as quickly and just as loudly, “For what? Why?”

“For not fucking you, for talking to Trev, for not talking to you, for getting pregnant in the first place.” Daisy huffed. “I don’t know.”

“None of those need an apology—especially not getting pregnant, Daisy. That was as much my fault. More, probably. It’s my dick I forgot to wrap up. And I know you’re going to talk about the pill, but you’ve got so much going on. I don’t know how you remember to breathe.”

Daisy laughed a little, most of it getting caught in a hiccough. A small smile formed on Jack’s face, though it wasn’t very convincing. She reached out to him, summoning him towards the bed. As much as she wasn’t wanting to have the conversation, she never gave up any opportunity to be close to him.

He joined her in only a few steps, kneeling beside her on the mattress. She shuffled over just enough to let him sit down properly, and fell into his open arms and he laid them down.

“Did you notice that we aren’t having sex?” she asked meekly, find it easier to talk when she wasn’t looking directly at the concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I did.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“We still did other stuff,” Jack said, as it it was painfully obvious, “and I kind of figured you’d talk to me when you were ready. I mostly thought it was school and work stressing you out, but. I probably should have worked out it wasn’t when the semester finished.”

“It’s not a dealbreaker for you?”

“No? I like having sex and I would like to have it with you again—but I need you to want to and I need you to enjoy it and that’s clearly not happening. The other stuff was that—”

“Yeah, Jack, giving you head isn’t going to get me pregnant.”

Jack’s chest shifted, as he exhaled a reluctant laugh. His arms tightened around her just before he moved them around so that they were face to face. She sighed at him, the concern not having left his face—she wasn’t sure she’d been expecting it to be gone but her own fear had lessened so she expected him to be doing at least a little better.

He clearly wasn’t, though, when the concern morphed into something more pained and hesitant. Daisy poked his chest, her own brows pulling together, to get him to say whatever it was that was still on his mind.

“Do you think maybe you might go back and see a psychologist?” He asked. Daisy’s breath hitched. “Because we made one mistake and didn’t use a condom, and we can and will keep using them and the chances of you getting pregnant again are really slim, right? We’ve been fucking since we were seventeen and this is the only time.”

Worried, the fear she thought had lessened creeping right back into her bones, Daisy asked, “You think I’m crazy?”

Jack chose his words carefully, slowly saying, “I think you’re afraid of something we can avoid. I also noticed that your eating is getting a bit erratic again and I’m worried that the bulimia’s going to come back.”

“I haven’t been purging,” she defended herself instantly.

“The binging, though?”

She looked away, staring at the painting on the wall behind Jack’s head for the first time since they’d put it in the room. Lying about it would be simple, something she was well versed in even though it had been years since she’d had to.

It wasn’t worth it, that much she knew.

So she admitted, still avoiding his gaze, “Little bit. I think if I’d stayed pregnant it would have been a problem. That’s part of the reason I can’t risk getting pregnant again.”

Jack, unbothered by her not lack of eye contact, pulled her closer until his arms were wrapped around her and she was burying her face in his neck. An apology was quick to leave his mouth, for not asking her when he noticed things changing, for expecting her to talk to him, for making her feel like she couldn’t.

tag list: @fallinallincurls @spine-buster @2manytabsopen @xcicix @sorryjustafangirl @senditcolton @shinyfalcon4 @laurenairay @jarmorie @diary-of-jj @its-bitchin-belle-bitches @sssstarstruck

if you’re reading this and needed a sign to participate in the summer fic exchange 2k23–this is it!

[indieyuugure]

As someone who does not enjoy time travel, what did you think of the way the Rise movie handled time travel? The "It's more an alternate dimension, but it's still travel" is an expert way to handle such mechanics without breaking them in my opinion. What about you?

I think the Rise Movie did a really good job with it’s time travel! They make it very clear as to how time travel works in the world and do a good job at exploring the effects that screwing with time has.

Rise’s time travel has a certain feeling of comfort to it because it has rules that it follows and clearly explained limitations and effects. I think often times I dislike time travel because of how vague it is and how many plot holes and well-the-writer-said-so-s it has. I think time travel, just like all plots needs two things: a Why, and a How.

The Rise movie’s plot is grounded in the concept of time travel. The “why” of the movie is clearly established in the first few minutes. The world is ending and the only way to save it is to go back in time and change the past. “Find the key, stop the Krang.” The why is literally told to you by Leo.

Even if you didn’t watch the series before the movie, (though if you did, this is even more concrete) it’s heavily implied that Rise has a magic system that is able to be as powerful as the person wielding the magic can make it, and that’s proven throughout the movie. The “how” is well explained and, in the setting of the world, makes sense. You’re never questioning “wait but I don’t get it, how did he go back in time??” because Rise demonstrates the power of it’s mystic abilities.

I think the reason time travel is screwed up so often in TV series is that, unless they plan on making a multi-part episode or an entire arc, the show only gets 20-45 minutes to explain everything whereas a movie gets 2 hours or more. However obviously in the case of 2012 that’s not the case since they’re given 15 episodes(approximately 5 hours) of space arc time travel nonsense and even more if you count the Renet episodes.

So to sum it up, the Rise Movie is a good example of the few times in media that time travel is aced. It presents a clear why and how that doesn’t leave you scratching your head. I think it was very well handled and actually adds a lot of cool stuff to the plot rather than subtracting it!

Good question! :]

[yume-fanfare]

mitsuba's deaths and almost deaths: my ranking!

he has died 3 times in canon, and has had some other close calls in both canon and aus, so it's ranking time! this will of course contain several spoilers under the cut!

CANON DEATHS

number 3: his severance death

this one has a LOT of potential! it had been a while since his last death! he broke into pieces right in front of kou, and just as he was having the most peaceful cutest sleep! was vanishing physically painful? who was more emotionally hurt by it, kou or mitsuba? how did it feel Falling Apart into pieces later? i need to know! but unfortunately we haven't yet gotten an actual severance chapter from their pov, only vague flashbacks. we don't even quite know what natsuhiko told kou and it's haunting me. can we go back to the kou becoming a supernatural plotline please. but anyways yeah this is why it is the worst (in terms of thematic importance and story focus) death to me. need those extra details

number 2: his first death

car accident. when he was buying potatoes. on his mom's birthday. when curry doesn't even actually need potatoes. need i say more. there's even the extra irony in the fact that kou's earring, which he so hates, says "traffic safety" in it. it's simply so perfect. it aligns so well. it's an everyday tragedy, yet it somehow is the cause behind the plot of the entire manga. has led to some of the most heartbreaking official art. like the one where baby kou is holdin g an empty uniform whose owner has vanished into a pile of flower petals. fucked up.

number 1: the death of m1tsuba

PERFECT. SHOWSTOPPING. HE DIED IN KOU'S ARMS!!!

the scene that actually got me Invested in this manga. ive watched it around three hundred times, in the anime, the manga and the musical and it can still bring me to tears. while death number 2 hangs heavier, this one ranks higher for me because it is. a cataclysm. this event seriously changed the trajectory of kou's life forever. HAS THE "this... this isn't you, mitsuba! the mitsuba i know i-is... sassy. girly. sarcastic. selfish. and... and his voice was annoying. obsessed with cameras. went emo sometimes and was only fake-nice. and... and he was my friend!" LINE AND and it cut to the shot of their first meeting as first years but with mitsuba getting up and leaving and! man. it is so good. i wouldn't change a single detail. something important to me... maybe

ALMOST DEATHS (CANON AND NON-CANON)

only the ones i remember off the top of my head and wanted to talk about sowwy

if you have not read any of the aus i mentioned you Definitely should check them out they are SO good!

honorary mention: the times he's (almost) been turned into a mokke

didn't know whether to count this one but i really like it it's so funny. his pyon pyon pink bunny era. the most mokke-coded character. i did cringe a little in that christmas event where his gift was being turned into a mokke because come on. horrors for him again? on christmas? but no one had that great of a time then so ill forgive it

number 5: his transformation into a familiar in hanako-kun of magic

he didn't die at all in this one, yes, but it's supposed to parallel his becoming a supernatural, so it's going into the ranking. it was kind of lame though 😭 ik it was public voting yadda yadda but like it only happened like that to fill aidairo's monthly quota of bad things happening to mitsuba. the alicorn concept and clothes were cute though ill give them that. can we get a colored front-facing ref

number 4: his almost-death in chapter 98

it sucked so bad. like ok. when i was reading the chapter i was not surprised by it at all. this is a horror manga so something bad Had to happen, and like hell he was actually going to die Again in that moment. and it was executed in a really cool way! kou's single page that only had a "SQUELCH" speech bubble was bone-chilling and there is almost a eurydice flavor to the whole fleeing and turning around to see the ghost of the person you love and finding that you're holding Only their hand.

but as much as ive joked about this manga inventing a new level of bury your gays, there Are some unfortunate implications to two boys having a cute date and then immediately almost-killing one off them. (this could indeed also be applied to mitsuba's death in a way too). im usually not too harsh w this stuff because even if the implications are there i have faith that this wasn't quite meant like that.

but ultimately this scene was there only for shock value to end the chapter in a cliffhanger so! not ranked very high

number 4: his afterlife as a mummy in the ghost hotel café

ok we barely have anything on his death here so it's not too high but just those four lines are so funny. guy who owns the land but is too scared to act out on it. is secretly planning on taking over the hotel. has cried when kou bit him. is his pastissier apprentice. i hope he's better at baking than mit2uba is at cooking. the idea of them having a silly afterlife baking together and chasing after each other is so funny i love them

number 3: his youkai transformation in the bakeneko ryokan hanakotei

his most recent almost-death! we don't know much about it yet but it is such a cute concept!!! he turned into a kitty youkai and now works at the hot springs! it's just like spirited away!!!! super invested on this one i want more so badly

number 2: the time he got poisoned in hanako of the opera

chef's kiss! this one is Almost perfect, if only because the number 1 spot is my favorite scene in any manga ever. mitsuba drinks poisoned peach juice and thanks to the subsequent investigation and hanako's intervention, he is able to escape from the oppressive opera environment with kou! but here is the catch: every night, natsuhiko left a glass of juice for him, and mitsuba never once drank it. what changed this time? why did he drink it? well, the one who left the juice and poisoned him was not natsuhiko, but kou. did mitsuba know? kou. poisoned mitsuba, who in this au is his Childhood Friend. to see if, by taking him out of the opera, he'd be able to help him regain his love of music. and mitsuba willingly drank the poison. probably knowingly. he trusted kou not to kill him. and then they elope. there are sooo many levels to this one i love it

number 1: chapter 48, picture perfect arc

EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR THE BEST ROMANCE EVER!!! SHOWSTOPPING!!!! BREATHTAKING!!! NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM!!!

it's so perfect. the way the the page where kou jumps off the building is angled and composed so that the panels themselves are falling with them too. kou's promise. the way he literally jumped off a building just to have a chance to understand mitsuba better. and then they'd work their way back to life together! it gets me every time. no one does it like them. i love them so much. <333

and that is all, thanks for sticking by!

but how about YOU guys? what is Your favorite mitsuba death? how would you change my ranking? im always up for talking about mitsuba!

[thelightsandtheroses]

Into the Fire

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel isn’t the only one who loses a brother to the Fireflies in Boston. In the wake of your rage, Joel Miller is the only one who can understand you and that changes everything.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, some good old fashioned angst, hints of smut, It’s not explicit but minors DNI/18+. I have not included any age references or physical descriptions of the reader to try and keep this is as inclusive as possible however it is a female reader. There is also no explicit cheating, but there’s an ambiguity that could be interpreted either way.

Word count: 1.7k

Notes - This is not only my first ever Joel Miller fic but it’s the first time I’ve been able to write in over a year. I’m very nervous about posting this, but I hope you enjoy it.

“Takes one to know one, so take it from me/ You've been lonely/ You've been lonely too long” Dust to Dust – The Civil Wars

The world pretty much ended years ago, but you survived. You tried to forge your way through it all, endure everything just to find a way to stay alive and stay you. It’s been years but once again your axis has twisted, and you don’t know what to do.

The last fifteen minutes are replaying over and over again, ever more embarrassing and you’re not entirely sure how you’ve ended up at this apartment, but you have.

Joel Miller is staring at you with an unreadable expression, one arm leaning against the door you’ve been knocking repeatedly.

“We have to stop them,” you say as he moves to let you in the apartment.

“We?” he asks, his tone somewhere between amused and furious, as he walks into his kitchen.

“Yes, we. I spoke to my brother and he’s useless so it’s down to us. They’ve lost it, Joel. Leaving the QZ? The Fireflies?”

“Probably,” Joel says.

You knew your circle of friends wouldn’t fight your little brother on this, but Joel? You were certain he’d help you. Especially after seeing his face when your respective brothers made their announcement.

Joel, however, he was a different story. You had known Joel vaguely for some time. Your family and his group had made it to the QZ at the same time, but it was through your best friend’s smuggling that you knew Joel and his partner Tess. You still weren’t sure what their deal was, however neither Joel or Tess seemed the types to sit around and gossip about relationships.

Joel’s apartment is very similar to yours, however while you’ve tried to make your allocated apartment feel as much like a home from before as you can, Joel’s home seems stark, dustier somehow. There are few personal touches, just an out of place butterfly ornament in the kitchen you’re nervous to ask about.

“We can’t let them do this,” you add as loudly as you dare as he rustles around his kitchen.

“Oh, we can’t?” Even from the kitchen, you can tell he almost sounds amused. “They’re adults, sweetheart, they can do what they want.”

“They’ll die, Joel.”  You mean to sound forthright, firm and to the point but there’s a desperate whine in your voice that utterly betrays you.

Silence.

Joel places a glass of dubious looking alcohol in your hands and takes a large gulp of his own drink.

Your baby brother is joining the Fireflies. He’s still so young, he was just a child when everything happened and now him and Tommy have got it into their heads that they need to join the Fireflies. At least Tommy believes in the cause, you have a sneaking suspicion your brother just wants to fight, that it’s not about the cause at all. Maybe you underestimate him.

You don’t talk about what happened in those years before you headed for Boston, you keep those moments locked away tightly. You know how dangerous the need to belong is, how destructive it can get and why your brother might chase that.

“He’s not going,” you say, “I’ll stop him.”

“He’s not a kid anymore,” he says. “They’ll be fine. You need to let it go, find a way to move on, say goodbye right.” His final words poke at an open wound, because if your brother were to leave tonight then you’d never forgive yourself. His announcement tore all your scars open so you lashed out at him in a way you hadn’t before.

How fucking dare Joel Miller try and calm you down. You’ve heard enough about him to know this isn’t his personality – you know he’s angry about Tommy, you know they’ve been raging and fighting about this too. Why are the rules so different for you?

“You - you have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say angrily, “no idea at all.”

“I know what it is to look after your little brother. I know what it is to see that thrown in your face.” There’s quiet fury in his voice there, one that might not he directed at you, but you feel anyway.

“It’s different,” you say, taking another swig of alcohol.

There are two years you cannot talk about, not because of what you did or didn’t do, but not talking about them doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. Your brother and you were moulded from the fires of that hell and emerged different. Stronger perhaps, but mostly different.

“You can’t stop him, you know you can’t,” he says, his voice a touch softer.

You don’t reply but take a healthy swig of your drink. There’s half a bottle of whatever crappy whiskey this is on the makeshift coffee table; one you know you’ll need a refill from in a moment.

“You realise that he isn’t leaving you, he’s just joining them,” Joel says pointedly.

“It’s the same thing.”

“No, it ain’t.”

Oh.

Oh.

Joel takes a hard gulp of his drink as you find yourself staring at your hands. You hadn’t thought about how it might feel for Joel. You’ve been so busy drowning in your own brother’s betrayal there was no room for anyone else’s pain. You take a breath and let Tommy’s words come back to you hours before for a moment.

“The things we did …”

You remember how Joel’s face had tightened, how he’d looked away for just a moment but when he had met his brother’s gaze again, his eyes were duller and his posture had straightened minutely.

You knew your brother was leaving you to go believe in the Fireflies, but Joel thought Tommy was leaving Joel because he didn’t believe in him anymore. That had to sting.

“We were meant to stick together,” you add in a small voice because that is what hurts you the most. The only way you and your brothers have survived this long is together and now your baby brother wants to mess with that. He wants to go outside where the Infected, who could tear you apart in a moment, are at least the most predictable threat he’ll encounter.

For a moment you sit in silence and use the time to observe Joel Miller. You’ve known him a while, however this is the longest time you’ve ever spent with just the two of you in a room. He’s always seemed so unknowable, so intimidating, fascinating but terrifying in equal measures. Who would have thought your brothers would be the bridge between you both? You’ve felt lonely for so long, even in a crow, and you’re sure Joel must feel the same. You can feel it too.

One drink turns into two and find yourself shifting on the sofa, one knee pointed towards him, an elbow on the top of the so far with your drink sloshing around in that hand and your gaze directly on his.

You’re staring at his lips. You shouldn’t be staring but you are. You notice how he downs his drink, how his deep brown eyes meet yours, seem softer than earlier somehow. There’s still a hardness there but the edges seem muted, blurred.

You need to stop staring at his lips.

You swear you can see the edges of his mouth twitch, almost like a smile if you didn’t know better.

You shift momentarily, move just a little closer to him because right now Joel Miller understands you. You understand him too.

You’re not sure who starts it, who is the one who brings their lips to the other first. Maybe you realise it at the same time, maybe you don’t.

You’ve thought about this before. You thought that Joel would be different, more like the man you’ve known for the years. You expected him to be cold, aloof, perhaps even perfunctory.

Joel Miller is desperation and need though.

He touches you like there are only moments left before you’re taken from him, his kisses are hungry, never satiated. “Wait – wait, what about Tess?” you ask, pulling away. You are more out of breath than you expected and every part of you wants to continue but you need to ask.

“It’s –‘s not like that,” he says, “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“I don’t want to cause -”

“Tess and me, it’s not like that. We’re not like that.”

He is everything and nothing like you expected.

His hot hands skim down your ribs, down to your legs, warming every part of you. As they move up between them you hear yourself let out a low noise.

“Oh yeah?” he whispers before kissing you harder.

Your jeans are unbuttoned and you hurry to push them down, to get closer, to be with him.

You didn’t realise how much you had ever wanted Joel until now.

The two of you are a mess of hands, gasps, and groans, pulling off clothes, getting as close as you can. You are both desperate, lost things but for a moment, just one moment you don’t feel so alone.  

It doesn’t matter you’re on a couch, that this is surely just a release of pain and a desperate need to connect with someone.

Afterwards you lie on the sofa, watch him pull his jeans back up, stand up and get another bottle of alcohol before pouring two more drinks. You watch the walls that have broken down over the past evening slowly rebuild themselves. It’s disappointing but expected.

He opens his mouth as if to stay something then stops himself.

“Don’t overthink it, I’m not,” you lie. “I won’t – I won’t tell Tess.”

He makes some sort of affirmative grunt that tells you that perhaps his resolute denial of whatever him and Tess are together was exaggerated or if that’s your anxiety. You wonder if it’s just because he’s a man who cannot show any weakness, any vulnerability anymore.

Right now, you don't want to analyse it anymore though. You don't regret it.

"I should go," you say.

"No, no - you can stay," Joel replies to your surprise. "If you want. Easier than tryin' to get past the guards at this hour."

"Okay." You take a sip of your drink, take a deep breath.

Your brother is leaving you but your world isn't going to end. The rage you felt has subsided a little now. It hurts, but you can make it through this.

You look at Joel, think about the unexpected but welcome twists of the evening, try to tell yourself it doesn't mean anything.

You know how this story goes. You will tell yourself it won’t happen again, but you already know it will. Time and time again.

[crazyexdirkfriend]

Okay, I've got a sincere ask, since you've got an insanely bright head on your shoulders and I need you to dissect the hell out of Dirkjake so I can use it as a hand guide to navigating smthn in my personal life but like- in one of your posts you state that Dirk's inability to communicate with Jake is (inherently the problem) where as Jake isn't as much at fault (you tagged it with Half Joking, so im treading lightly here) but i was wondering if you could elborate on that? Unless you were actually joking. If you weren't, I'd sincerely like to know why Dirk's communication issues (in terms of fault) highly outweigh Jake's affinity for denial and ignoring all of his issues outright. Are they not both equally at a disadvantage? Is Dirk actually The asshole for his inability to express himself properly?

Hi! Thank you, thank you I'm glad you think so but my supposedly bright head is mush atm. So my opinion on this rapidly changes wrt to post-canon, but that is my opinion on HS proper more or less. I'm not like, super serious on it bc as I've grown up I'm way less hardline on what was basically a messy teenage relationship. But I was very very opinionated on it when I too was 16. I don't remember when the post you're referring to was exactly so just (vague hand wavey) Basically my point is that in HS proper, Dirk and Jake are both bad at communicating, though people typically attribute Jake's lack of communication as being at fault for the ultimate relationship breakdown, alongside Dirk's clinginess. I don't think any of that causes the relationship breakdown as much as the channels of communication being broken on Dirk's end, so I think it's important to look at how Dirk and Jake communicate before any of that.

Okay so for starters, they don't. Dirk and Jake never have an on screen conversation so all Jake's attempts to communicate with Dirk are scuppered. Jake makes genuine attempts to communicate with the real Dirk throughout the first leg of the alpha kid arc, and is blocked every time. When Jake tries to communicate issues via Dirk proxies, he's shut down entirely. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking when Jake tells Hal about Brobot being "tender." Now, I don't ascribe to the belief that the robot is being inappropriate when he says this. I believe Jake is attracted to Dirk and the robot treating him more gently is sending his mind places. However, Hal's immediate response to this is to shut off novice mode, leaving Jake to fight the robot on the harder mode. Hal is not doing this because he legitimately believes this will make Jake more comfortable; he's doing this to fuck with him. Jake speaks up about an issue and is immediately punished for it because Dirk or Dirk-proxy is defensive -> Jake is less likely to speak up. (Side note: a lot of people say that Dirk is not aware of what Hal is doing and does not condone it. This is contradicted in the text when Dirk says he knows Hal is fucking with Jake and thinks it'll teach him to be less trusting in people, and does not contact Jake back himself. Dirk's issues with Hal interfering with Jake only arise later.)

Since they don't communciate, we don't have much to go on about how their conflict styles mesh aside from via Dirk proxies. Which is basically stuff like the above. So when we get to their largely offscreen relationship, the information the audience really has to go on is that Jake appears to have upped and left without saying anything and is hoping the whole problem really just goes away without having to text Dirk back, and Dirk is frantically trying to communicate with him, and assuming that he's too clingy. We don't actually know if Jake HAS communicated with Dirk. All we know is that he's not currently doing so.

My personal belief is that it's a bit of a leap to think that Jake has gone from being vague, dancing around issues, but bringing them up when the issue is actively on the table (brobot, Jane's crush, etc.) to immediately packing a bag and going to the hills without saying *anything.* I just think that Jake is less likely to press the issue if he thinks Dirk is going to take it the worst possible way, and to the worst possible extreme, and Jake is less likely to press an issue if he thinks he's upsetting someone. If "I think the robot is a bit tender" leads to "Ok I'll put the robot on *waterboards you in the sea and beats you unconscious* mode," then "I think I could use some time to myself for a little while" leads to "Ok, guess if you need space so bad I'll stop bothering you and we can just stop hanging out altogether." And Jake, despite wanting space, is very very afraid of his friends all deciding he isn't worth the hassle and abandoning him permanently. So he'd immediately recant and drop it (until he cracks)

Now since we don't know what happens between Dirk and Jake in that gap in the narrative, I'm conjecturing. I suppose my point is that assuming that Jake doesn't communicate to Dirk is also conjecture, and not the natural conjecture I would make based on his actions up until this point. He's avoidant of conflict, not avoidant of conversation. I also don't think Dirk being immediately receptive to Jake asking for space is in line with his actions up until this point- I believe his response would be the above, or continuously "fixing it" until Jake drops it.

My point basically is that if you take all that in isolation, it's a sad miscommunication between an insecure boy who takes things to extremes and another insecure boy who doubts himself and can't stand up for himself. No one is the asshole for that. But it's not in isolation. Dirk allowing AR to interfere with his communication with Jake shuts down the channels of communication before they ever date. If I remember correctly, Jake says at one point that he can't remember when the last time he spoke to the "real" Dirk was. I just don't think it's overly fair to blame Jake for the culmination of a communication breakdown that was months, if not years, in the making on Dirk's side. It's less that Dirk is THE asshole and the only one who did anything wrong, and more that generally when people say there was fault on both sides, Jake is the one who receives extensive criticism on his communication skills. Now ultimately: I'd take this with a pinch of salt. They're kids and their first relationship doesn't work out, it's not hugely important to ascribe fault one way or the other- this is all semantics tbh. I only really argue the point for three reasons. 1. I think it makes for a better narrative reading of Jake repeatedly trying to communicate with Dirk and getting a blank wall pre-game and that wall ultimately crumbling around Dirk's persona during the game. It reads better as a cohesive story 2. I think viewing Jake as "the problem" skewered a lot of people's reading of later scenes in the text, especially when HS was actively updating pre-gigapause, and the portrayal of Jake as "the one who can't communicate" leads to a wooden reading of the other alphas by association. and 3. Hal gets the blame for a lot of stuff people don't want to put on Dirk, which also skewers readings of Hal's actions later on. Now if we were talking EPILOGUES...then absolutely Jake's issues with denial, avoidance, and lack of communication (and terminally low self esteem) are going to play a primary, if not inciting role, in their ultimate relationship breakdown. But that's a whole other post and I'm aware I'm rambling at this point. Caveat: If this is an issue concerning your personal life though as your ask sorta suggests, I'd triple take this with a grain of salt because this is a very specific HS situation and HS is ultimately a story with a plot and characters have to act a certain way and do certain things bc it makes the story go zoom. Real people who may resemble Dirk and Jake are not necessarily going to have matching issues, communication problems, and robo-clone answering machines

[of-many-fandomss]

can u please do a rooster one when o/c is having a panic attack and rooster calms her down?

My first Rooster blurb!!

—————

It wasn’t like it happened all the time, but it happened enough for everyone to know what to do by now. They almost had it down to a routine, which was very impressive and admirable in your eyes.

Penny was always the first to notice, you being behind the bar with her while you worked at the Hard Deck, and she would immediately flag down the closest naval pilot. Normally it was either Phoenix or Bob, then they would shout to Hangman or Coyote, who would oftentimes be found near the darts board. The two of them would immediately clear a path through the sea of people to get to you, not hesitating to snap at anyone who got too close to you for their liking.

Then came the last step, getting Rooster over to you. It was actually fairly simple, the man always preferring to be close to you whenever he could, even while you were at work.

That was something that you loved about your longtime boyfriend, he wanted to spend every available moment with you.

Your panic attacks had started at a young age and your parents had quickly realized that they were triggered by overly large crowds.

Given that fact, it probably wasn’t your smartest idea to start working at the busiest bar in town. But you had known Penny for most of your life and when she offered you the job because she needed more help running the place, you couldn’t refuse.

Over time, you had learned how to calm yourself down if you began to feel yourself get overwhelmed, but there were times- like this one- that none of your strategies worked. And there was only one person that could always calm down your panic attacks, Bradley.

Vaguely, you watched as Jake snarled at a man who kept trying to get a closer look at you, as you sunk onto the ground behind the bar with hands over your ears, and he gave him a hard shove backwards as a warning.

Your entire body was shaking as you found it harder and harder to breath as the noises of the crowd just got louder and louder.

The pilots had all just gotten back from a successful mission, and everyone had gone out to celebrate. Things just got to be a little too much for you during said celebration.

Bradley shoved his way through the crowd before hopping effortlessly over the bar counter and immediately sliding onto his knees in front of you.

“Hey, hey, honey,” He cooed gently, automatically taking your shaking hand and placing it to his chest, right above his heart, “I want you to follow my breathing, can you do that for me, sweetheart?” His voice was so soft that nobody but you could hear it.

You tried doing what he said, focusing solely on the faint thumping of his heart and tried to match your breathing with his, a strategy that he had learned early on in your relationship to be the most successful.

His mustache twitched up slightly as the corner of his lip quirked up when he saw you begin to calm down, “That’s right, that’s right, honey, just breathe.”

When you finally felt back to normal, a large breath escaped from your lips and you dropped your head backwards against the cupboard behind you.

Once Hangman and Coyote saw that you were alright, they began barking at the still lurking crowd, “All right, mind your own damn business! Nothing to see here!”

Penny crouched down beside you, rubbing your shoulder comfortingly and handing you a glass of water.

You shot her an appreciative smile and downed the glass, Roosters eyes never once leaving your face.

“How are you feeling now, baby?” He asked softly.

“Better,” You breathed out, smiling slightly as you cupped his cheek in your hand, “Thank you, Brad.”

He placed a kiss on your palm, “There’s no need to thank me, honey,” He murmured, “This is my job.”

[spamlets]

iterator logs but make them

ROYALTY!!

with crowns ⬇️

without crowns ⬇️

individual ss, some doodles, + some actual (partially incoherent) info about the au below the cut!

rbs appreciated <333

individual ss:

DF

SL

AGS

TR

ATT

UP

small doodles i did for the au haha

more info:

the IL royal au is a silly little au i made up in my head!

basically it goes like this: the ancients created iterators to act as a new form of government in order to prevent govt corruption. cities or “kingdoms” were built around/on top of iterators and rather than them working to solve The Problem, they worked to govern over and make decisions for their people. the societies of these ancients were just as technologically advanced as in canon rain world. dont ask about The Rain (TM), i havent thought that far ahead yet.

cue mass ascension, i havent ironed out the details of that whatsoever but all the ancients die out leaving the iterators on their own (*cue fallen kingdom playing*). perhaps it’s on purpose, perhaps it’s a plague (this one could be pretty interesting actually)

distant frontier does his thing, creates an army of scavs or vultures or whichever else creatures he uses (i think he uses both but i could be remembering wrong) and breaks from his corruption-taboos, which is ofc a spin on the self-destruction taboo and would prevent him from expanding his domain/absorbing other kingdoms.

now the big thing here is that this was originally intended to be entirely centered around toxic yaoi (tr x df) which is partly why their clothes match (also because in general they share a lot of character traits and imo are kinda mirrors of each other in a way). that’s why i dont have much fleshed out—in the beginning it was just “king df and king tr marry and are gay forever” and whathaveyou, but then i thought about it harder and was like OH!!! this could actually be cool!!

if i go the plague route, perhaps tr had a colony of ancients still living inside his structure, but a new strain of the plague infected his people as he began to prepare for war against paradise. or maybe while trying to remove the corruption taboos he gives himself the rot like in il canon but it also ends up spreading to his citizens :headinhands:

this is all just vague ramblings for now, nothing coherent besides a few very striking mental images inside my head:

- tr lying on his deathbed surrounded by rot, the only shining thing in view being the gilded crown resting on his chest

- df on a throne wearing multiple crowns, tr bowing at his feet with a sword against his neck

- df with his artificial legs crossed at the ankles, his sword resting at his side with his karma symbols engraved into the blade

- unbroken promise with his forehead to the ground, surrendering himself and his kingdom to df after his queen ascends

- silent light standing guard in front of an endless library, only half-aware of what he’s guarding and what for anymore

- att practicing sword drills at dawn, falling asleep while standing up, leaning their chin on their sword pommel

but yeah! the basic premise is:

instead of creating iterators to solve the Great Problem, they create iterators to solve government corruption. each kingdom is built with an iterator as its ruler, with careful anti-corruption-taboos set in place to prevent them from acting maliciously towards their citizens, expanding their domain, or going to war. the entire kingdom and its walls are the body of the iterator, but theoretically worm off the string is possible because im a sucker for it and also i can imagine sometimes needing to meet up with other iterators in person for social gatherings because again im a sucker for classic royal au shenanigans 🤷

id like to personally apologize to daszombes sorry for being so autism over your characters i just think they’re neat