#I need to see the gayness in full

[morphean42]

It is with a heavy heart that I must admit defeat. For Five glorious years I have been apart of the Supernatural fandom without having seen an entire episode. I have seen the edits, the meta, the fanfic and fanart. I was there when Destiel went canon and almost made Putin resign. And yet I’ve held onto my sanity, I committed to the bit— never watch that hell spawn of a show. But, good comrades of Tumblr, I must now declare the bit to be over. It was a good run, but I will be venturing into the dangerous world of Supernatural once and for all. May god save my soul.

[haute-honey]

astro obs.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libras are always expected to give others something. Others always seem to look to them to give them their time, energy, love, affection, hell even their life. Of course they have issues with people pleasing because people naturally want to take take take from them. When they try to establish boundaries, all hell breaks loose leading them to never try to establish them again.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of Libra, I'm seeing a lot of posts about how *gay* we are lol Which made me wonder and think back on all the times I've had other women who I thought I was in true platonic friendships with fall head over heels in love with me and admit their true feelings to me. First time it happened I was literally in 4th grade.... How do we hetero Libras turn the gayness off or are y'all going off of what is stereotypically gay?

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libra rising are indecisive because when they make a hasty decision or impulsive decision, 9 times out of 10 it blows up in their face. Let them take their time dammit!

🤸🏽‍♀️ + libra rising kids not only experience bullying/jealousy/evil eye from their peers, they'll even experience it from full grown adults.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone mention that not liking 6th house synastry is because you enjoy toxicity in relationships...and I disagree. I think 6th house synastry depends on the type of relationship and the sign that it is in. For me, the 6th house works more for friendships and professional relationships rather than romantic relationships. As a straight woman, the sign my 6h is in is not ideal for a relationship for me due to other placements in my chart.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Furthermore, what synastry works for you best or what synastry you find to be most romantic is based on you and your chart. Don't let any of these "astrology girlies" pump your head up with bs just because it works for them.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Fellow scorpio placements (esp you scorpio suns) I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, someone making you aware when you're exhibiting toxic/bad behavior does not equate to them being unloyal or betraying you. You need people around you that'll hold you accountable for the fucked up shit you do sometimes. No, it doesn't make them a snake or mean that they don't love you but my god, get a grip girl and be so motherfuckingly forreal.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Aquarius men aren't the challenge yall think they are... they're just detached. If that is not your style of love, move along.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Lilith energy is for women/feminines. If you are looking at Lilith through a synastry chart, the one who holds that power when it comes to how Lilith is placed is the feminine in the equation (if there is one). Men/masculines are subdued by Lilith. Not the other way around. For example, if a man's Lilith conjuncts a woman's Venus, he won't be able to use that power over her because he will not connect to it and will not know how to use it.

🤸🏽‍♀️ It is SO FUNNY when I read other observations on Libra placements. Its either we are mean girls/bullies or we are fake/people pleasers lmfao As someone with a lot of prominent Libra placements and influence, I have always had to deal with the fake allegations or the bitchy/intimidating mean girl allegations. Its like if we're not kissing ass we are the meanest bitches but if we are trying to make an effort to please everyone, we are people pleasing fake ass bitches 😆 I need y'all to pick a side and stay there when addressing Libras.

🤸🏽‍♀️ To say a venusian ruled person (Libra/Taurus suns, risings, venus) is a copy cat is laughable because they are the ones getting their swag stolen or having people wanting to be their friends to siphon their aura/vibe. Ex: Cleopatra a Taurus sun (Venus) had her "friend" copy her entire style/aesthetic.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I applaud the female/feminine Libras who have given up on pleasing others and have taken on the bitch allegations with pride because fuck these people. Y'all are weirdos who expect pretty women to fit into whatever box you feel like they should to appease your own self esteem. Seek help.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Degrees absolutely have effects on the natal chart and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You might resonate more with whatever sign rules over the degree of your sign or rising rather than the actual sign that sit in those placements.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone say that a unevolved Sagittarius man is scared of sex........... while that could be true they are more often than not sexual deviants when unevolved.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of sagittarius, Jupiter ruled people quite literally NEED Jupiter to help them out and provide them with more luck than the rest of us because these people are the ultimate self sabotagers. They love trouble, they enjoy creating chaos often then not. And Jupiter is always there to put out the fires they start.

🤸🏽‍♀️ You can't really tell anyone what synastry is best for romantic relationships vs which ones you deem worse because at the end of the day it is all about preferences. If you like a familial feel to your relationships, you'll probably like 4th house synastry. However, if you're like me and come from a veryyyy dysfunctional family, 4h synastry will repulse you. So figure out your own vibe and what you like in a relationship and go from there.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Women with prominent sagittarius placements often are seen by outsiders as the "cool" or "fun" moms when really they can be verrrrrry neglectful towards their children. Ask me how I know lol

🤸🏽‍♀️ Saw someone say that Scorpio sun and moon placements can be backhandedly bully people and this is when I have to bring up the issues of generalization when y'all are making these "observation" posts. Any placement has the potential to be a bully. Literally any of them. However, why Scorpio sun and/or moon might stand out is because they can be LETHAL with their words (ex. Tia Kemp - Scorpio sun). Like they really know how to cut somebody up with their words and they are QUICK with it. Kind of like a scorpion with their tail. So be mindful and don't take it there with them if you can't keep up because you'll need therapy after they get done with you.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Scorpio moon women are either resenting other women or being resented by other women. It can go either way.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Gemini women are the ladies that look a mess 99% of the time and I like that about them.

[the-californicationist]

This will be the first request I’ve ever made, I want you. Only if you can. Price coming home in this, whatever mission it is, needs and wants his princess. Marvin Gaye, Sade, maybe? And naughty shenanigans, kisses!!! Thanks thanks and hugs!!! 👑💜

And He Spoke of His Dreams

Song inspo: Like a Tattoo by Sade

Thanks for the ask! Hope this is what you wanted! TW: fem reader

It was late, too late, when John's keys finally rattled in the door. In front of you, meticulously placed on the table, was his icy cold dinner, two candles burned down to their ends, their wax dripping onto the pale tablecloth, and an empty bottle of wine you had meant to share. Your lips were stained red, as if your mouth was bloody, like a lioness over her kill, panting and wrathful. Stained. Stained with it.

He sighed, but he didn't say anything. He was wearing The Suit. He only owned the one. It was the funeral suit, and the wedding suit, and it was the suit that he wore when Laswell called him down to the base for these late-night chats about all the things he should be doing more (or less) of. About how it was his fault that Makarov escaped. About how it was his fault that all of the intel had been tainted. About how it was his fault.

What were you going to do? Tell him he was late to his own birthday dinner? Tell him you hadn't seen him in days even though he should have been home from duty? Tell him you had been waiting for him, pacing for him outside of the door to his home office, hoping that you could find a reason to barge in there and demand his attention?

What good would it do? What were you against the importance of Terrorism?

"Hey, love."

His voice was smoke and brimstone, sparking even though his ire wasn't pointed toward you. He had been yelling. You'd been married to him long enough that you could hear it in his timbre.

"Have a seat, John. I'll warm it up for you."

You tried to hide your frustration, but it oozed around your words like a fetid stench, and he could smell it.

"Sit down."

You sat. He was still a commander. Sometimes he shed that mantle on the drive home... and sometimes he didn't. You could tell he was fighting it. You could see how he heard his own command and winced from it, flogged from his own whip in some sort of self-inflicted flagellation. He hurt himself when he struck you with those words.

John pulled out the chair and drug it across the floor unceremoniously and without care. The legs banged along the ground and slammed down as he fixed the seat in position right in front of you. He sat and you heard the wooden chair groan. He kept his knees spread wide apart, framing you inside of them. As he leaned forward, his black tie fell into the empty hole between you. His hands played with the hem of your dress, and you could feel the backs of his knuckles on his skin.

"Laswell wants me to send me and my men back to the field, and I told her I wouldn't. Bad intel. Went round and round and round..." his volume started low, but it began to increase, like a rising flame in a pile of tinder, "It was like she couldn't hear me. Like she wouldn't..."

He had more to say, but he stopped. You knew that he had a whole rant bottled up in there, but if he let it out, he'd be back in that familiar rage, wearing it like a second skin, and he promised you wouldn't see him in that way. Not again. There had been such a peace.

You weren't sure what made you do it, but you kissed him. You felt your lips purse and press into his mustache, tickled by it, wetting the hairs. You felt the fullness of his soft lips as he responded to you, kissing you back but pulling away.

"Darlin'..."

You attacked, deciding to show him just how darling you could be, deepening the kiss, and giving your tongue to him. If he wouldn't eat his dinner, you would feed him something else.

He relented, enticed by your surprise offering, and any part of him that wanted to hold onto that old, comfortable anger was happy to put its paws on something softer.

John wrapped his arms around you, devouring you with his mouth, pushing at your jaw and forcing you to collapse into him with his immense body leaning on you. He pulled you up, making the chairs scream again as your legs jostled them away.

"C'mon, love. C'mon."

He was speaking into your mouth, filling the hollow of your cheeks with his own words, groping you and caressing you wherever he could manage. As he held you, he moved you into the bedroom, bullying you into an awkward, all-encompassing dance, eager to lead.

His shirt buttons caved under your effort, and he managed to loosen his tie enough to let it flutter down to the floor, trampled by your feet. You found his undershirt and tugged at it, using your hands to venture underneath to pet his belly and make him gasp.

"Bloody hell. Wha's gotten into you, missus?"

His shirt peeled away from his back.

"Don't wanna hear about your shitty day," you hissed.

The top two buttons of your dress were undone.

"Oh? Why's that?"

His hands rucking up your skirt, trying to pull it off of you.

"I wanna feel your shitty day," you smiled, licking your lips, "I wanna feel every bit of it. Give it to me. Let me feel you. I wanna feel you."

You prayed that he understood you. He seemed to, grinning as your hands pried away his trousers from his waist, yanking at his zipper and seeking out his hidden warmth.

John was already as hard as a stone, and his smooth, velvety cock filled your hands and reminded you of just how much of him there was. You pumped at his length, slicking the precome over his head, teasing him just enough to make him wild.

His eyes held a bright fire within them, and you could tell how much he wanted to take control, so you forced his hand. He was always so careful with you, but that's not what you needed. You needed him to bind himself to you, like a bone once broken that was now healed.

Your knees hit the floor and you rubbed your cheek over his length like a cat. You did it again, enjoying the look on his face and the brief uncertainty about what he should do with his hands. He stumbled back, just a half-step, but enough to tell you that you were doing the trick.

His hands were in your hair, and he groaned for you, watching you in furious disbelief as you took him into your mouth. You could only fit his head, but you suckled from it hungrily, pulling it into the wet warmth of your mouth and rolling it around with your tongue.

"Fuckin' hell. Fuck..."

John got rough with you, pulling you up by your scalp, gripping you at the base of your skull, slowing his pleasure down and staring at you like you were a ghost, something unreal.

Then, he kissed you again, letting you both fall to the bed, pressing you down with his weight so that you couldn't move. You couldn't even shift your hips; you were fully at his mercy, ready and very much willing to be used like his toy.

He slid into you without resistance or help. Your body welcomed him in, not asking you for your opinion.

"Mmff... fuck!"

John growled out mid-kiss, trying to reel himself back in. You gasped and moaned, feeling the same effects as your husband, reveling in the magic he had crafted between you.

All of his rage melted from his visage like butter in a pan, soft and frothing and bubbling in a place that was once rigid and cold. You tried to grind your hips for him, milking his pleasure one tiny motion at a time, stoking that fire to dangerous heights.

As if he was being forced to comply, he began to thrust into you over and over. You felt his cock slide all the way out and all the way back in like a shining piston.

It made your eyes water. Your pleasure was so enhanced by his ferocity, and his intensity burned its way through you with every selfish push and lustful pull.

Greedily, he picked up his pace, slamming himself into you and hugging you to him, desperate to be closer and not having a way to make that true. He began to talk to you, telling you his secrets,

"Needed you so bad."

More and more of his cock seemed to find a way to fit itself inside of you, and you couldn't remember ever feeling so full.

"This fuckin' pussy. My pussy. Mine."

His possessiveness made you want to scream, and you could tell he was pleased with your reaction to his declaration of ownership. His smug, satisfied look turned you on even more.

"So wet for me, pretty thing. Wet. Wet. Wet."

The sounds he was making inside of you were straight up pornographic, and you loved hearing the result of his work. He was a master at drawing out your pleasure, and you thought you might blackout if he didn't let you come soon.

"John, please -" you said, but you were interrupted.

He plastered a huge hand over your mouth and chuckled darkly,

"Smells sweet," he licked your neck, sending chills across your arms and chest, "Like you've been wantin' me for a while. That true?"

You nodded, unable to respond. Then, you basked in the pleased look on his face. It was delicious to see him so enamored with you, and you wanted to roll around in it like a dog.

"Gonna come on me, missus? Wash away my fuckin' day, yeah?"

You nodded again, weaker this time. You felt your body decide to divert its attention to your core and the pressure building in your womb. It was like the end of a lit sparkler, glowing and spitting, sparkling and hissing and then... it was the explosion.

Your orgasm spread like wildfire across your skin, blazing in your hips and rushing through your veins, burning you inside and out.

"Tha's it," he was shouting over your screaming, "Lemme hear you. C'mon! Fuck!"

John pressed his cock inside of you as deeply as it would fit and felt the climax as it rent its way through you. He allowed himself to follow, pouring his joy out into you like warm, melted sugar, sticky and cloying.

Shorter, shallower thrusts painted his come inside of you, and your senses were overwhelmed by it. Everything was golden and silver and glittering with his love. Everything was bright. Everything was John. There was no you. No him. You were bathed together in this cosmic light, forever entwined by it.

More than anything, he looked relieved. It was exactly what he had needed. He needed to let himself out, to let his wildness run free, and you celebrated being the vessel for such reckless abandon.

He was petting your breasts, kissing them and studying them like there was a test. Occasionally, he would return to your mouth, slanting his own over it and languidly using it to kiss you. He would lick and taste and kiss and suck and you would allow it. You would be his toy for as long as he needed, and in turn, he was yours to command. Your captain.

"I like you like this," he confessed, keeping you pinned beneath him, "All mine. Trapped, hm?"

"All yours, John. As long as you need me."

"I'll always need you."

[homeofatlas]

French Connection

Authors note: I project so much in these fics I genuinely couldn't look at a picture of Elisa for two weeks when i heard she was with someone. I love to write though so hopefully i'm back. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing. No grammar checks.

Summary: You interview Elisa and Gay panic. Hard.

Word Count: 1.2k

Tw: Lots of gay panic and some swearing

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Honestly? You know nothing about soccer. But the journalist who was supposed to be covering this event had come down with a nasty flu and hadn’t been able to come. Being the only journalist in the office without a family you got stuck at a women's soccer game on a cold sunday afternoon. Don't get yourself wrong, you loved to watch athletic women running around but typically if you watched any sports at all it was at home on your comfy couch. Not only did you have to sit through, take notes, and try to decipher what was going on in the game but you had little to no time to research the players you were supposed to interview directly afterwards. You were a culture columnist not a sports commentator for christ's sake! 

Your boss had emailed you last night asking, practically begging, you to go in the other journalists place. You’d accepted but only because you were getting paid overtime. You’d like it on the record that this wasn’t your cup of tea.

After what feels like forever the team you're supposed to be interviewing, psg feminine or something, wins. You say thank you to whoever's listening that the part you know nothing about is over. Making your way to the team and flashing your journalist badge which gets you into the team headquarters you find the coach congratulating the players. You wait for him to finish before introducing yourself and explaining that you're here to interview some of the players. He calls over a couple players named Karaouchi, Geyoro, and De Almeida while you grab your phone to record and a pen to take notes. The women walk over to you while joking around with each other, clearly in a good mood about their win. 

When you look up from grabbing your things out of your bag, your eyes pass over them lingering on the one standing in the middle. You aren’t sure how you didn’t notice her before. Her strong features and full laugh leave you slightly breathless as you look at her. You need to avoid eye contact with her at all costs because you’re already short of breath and the gay panic is making all your thoughts leave so you need to get this done quickly. Composing yourself you take a deep breath and smile at the woman closest to you. 

“Hi I'm Y/n and I'm interviewing you guys today! So we’ll start by saying your names and then I'll ask you a few questions about your match today, sounds good?”

The women all nod and agree. 

You press record on your phone and hold it up to the first woman. 

“Grace Geyoro.”

You move down the line to stand in front of the middle one. Flickering your eyes up to her you can see the gleam of seat on her forehead and her twinkling eyes as she leans in to speak. 

“Elisa De Almeida.”

You swallow and curse yourself for ever thinking you might be able to avoid those eyes. It should be illegal to be this good looking, especially when she’s sweating, you think. These aren’t workable conditions really, your gayness prohibits you from being normal around attractive masc women. Forcing yourself to move on you hold the phone up to the next woman. 

“Sakina Karaouchi.”

“Great, thank you. I’ll ask a question and whichever one of you wants to answer can.”

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Time skip to after the interview

After the interview you let the women leave to go do whatever they do after games while you finish up your notes. Your body feels hot all over from every time you met Elisas eyes. The plan of trying not to look her directly in the eye was immediately scrapped the first time you’d truly looked into them. Her brown eyes had made your stomach swoop yet, you found yourself unable to look away. Her entire presence had trapped you. The entire interview you’d been trying to come up with a way to keep it going and speak with her more. Your limited sports knowledge has never come back to bite you in the ass so much. 

Seaking briefly to the head coach and get a quote or two from him regarding the days match, you pack everything into your purse before making your way through the tunnels and out into the parking lot where most people have cleared out from this afternoon's game. You see the cars of what must be mostly staff and players left. Walking through the parking lot you find yourself thinking of those brown eyes again. You can always find her instagram and reach out in hopes of another interview you tell yourself. You have to see her again, you don’t know if you can fathom living in France knowing there's a woman that beautiful out there and you never tried to make a move. Pulling your keys out of your purse you unlock your car before you hear your name being called from behind you. Slowing your stride you glance behind you to see Elisa crossing the parking lot quickly checking both ways to make sure it’s okay to go. You stop and wait for her to jog closer to you before turning to face her. Her cheeks are red from the wind blowing roughly against your faces. It makes it harder for you to see the sunspots and freckles which lie over her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. You pray you’ll get a chance to one day count how many of them there are littered on her face. 

Chest heaving from how quickly she crossed the parking lot she huffs out your name again. She looks lost almost, her eyes roaming around your face as if looking for something. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone whose face was so expressive. It’s so incredibly endearing you can feel your body warming again with her proximity despite the cold which is seeping into your coat by the moment. You breathe her name back to her with a small smile. 

She swallows looking around the parking lot. You can see her hand playing with and adjusting the straps on her bag before looking back at you again. 

“I was wondering if you’d let me interview you. Except over dinner or coffee and it’d be mutual and less of an interview and more of a date?” She squeezes her eyes shut and winces. 

A smile overtakes your face. 

“Yeah I’d love to go for dinner or coffee on a mutual interview but more date.” 

“That sounded way better in my head by the way.”

“It always does, doesn’t it.”

You two smile at each other before you remember that’s your cue to give her your number. You could just give her your instagram but she’s like if i woke next to you everyday for the rest of my life i could face something new about you to admire level cute so your number it is. 

After more staring and smiles she walks you to your car before turning around and walking to her own. Sitting in your car for a moment letting your heart beat settle you can’t help but thank god your coworker is fighting for her life with the flu.

[keepingsecretstokeepyoutk]

So Long London - Full Lyric Analysis

My Gaylor/Kaylor interpretation at a glance: Taylor uses the bearding narrative of her breakup with Joe as an allegory to talk about her reluctant decision to “break up” with her fans/kill off her public persona in the process of coming out. 

The Joe bearding narrative was likely created for this very purpose - an "ex" who didn't allow her to "bejeweled" (be her whole self), who she tried to make it work with, tried to change herself for, before realizing she couldn't keep sacrificing her wellbeing, mental and otherwise. Read through this lens, this song is devastating, so prepare yourselves emotionally, maybe have tissues on hand.

I interpret a number of the "break up" songs on this album (almost all of them) as being about her reaching the end of her rope with being in the closet and trying to slowly change her fan's attitude towards her queerness. So many of these songs imply that she has hit her breaking point, and the metaphor of a failing romantic relationship is the perfect vehicle to express this shift.

I believe this precedent exists in her work, and for this particular chapter, was established with "You're losing me".

This is also one of a few songs on the album that conceptualize her fame (as obtained with her public, hetero persona) as a place. In this song, that place is represented by London (hence, "so long, London"). In Florida!!! she may be running away to Florida from this place, (after she comes out and needs to escape the backlash). In "I hate it here", she dreams of escaping this place, and imagines two other locales within the lore of her songs - "secret gardens", a probable parallel to Betty's garden and the "garden gates" in Cruel Summer, as well as the "lunar valleys" referencing the galactic landscape established in Down Bad.

Lets get into it!

Verse 1

“Saw in my mind fairy lights in the mist/kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away/my spine split from carrying us up the hill/wet through my clothes, wary bones caught the chill/stopped trying to make him laugh/stopped trying to drill the safe”

In this first verse, Taylor introduces the idea of her fans being like a partner who isn’t present in the relationship, and more importantly, a partner that is ultimately rejecting her true self. 

“Fairy lights in the mist” - Taylor has used daylight/light images to represent the end of her closeting/her coming out for at least 5 years. Here she sees small pinpricks of light amongst darkness and the classic metaphor for hiding/confusion, etc - mist. She is saying that in the past she had hope, she saw a possible path forward to coming out while also keeping all of her fans.

“Kept calm and carried the weight of rift/pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” - Taylor reflects on her years of hoping that she could slowly introduce her fans the idea that she is not straight, then come out with minimal rupture in her relationship with her fans. She tried to keep the faith and looked past a lot of bad behavior on the part of some of her fans, convinced that she could make them see her and that their love for her would extend past their need for her being the persona they have grown attached to.

“Stopped trying to make him laugh/stopped trying to drill the safe” - ultimately, she gave up, having been rejected too many times - ignored when she clearly signaled her gayness and the masses of her fans just refused to acknowledge it. Beyond refusing to acknowledge it, they bullied those that did see it, demonstrating to her how reviling they found the idea that she might be queer. “Drill the safe” is a metaphor for trying to force something that will never happen, she is realizing she needs to let go of something that isn’t for her.

Chorus

“How much sad did you think I had/did you think I had in me/oh the tragedy/so long London/ you’ll find someone” 

Taylor now must ask her fans, how long did you expect me to sacrifice my own happiness while you continue to ignore my pleas for you to see me? 

“You’ll find someone” = you’ll find another idol/para social relationship to obsess over, identify with, etc. This is a reference to Dear Reader, when she sang “you should find another guiding light.” In that song, Taylor warned fans that she is not who they think she is ("you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking"), that the idea they have of her life is constructed, and strongly lamented her life choices, essentially telling fans they shouldn't look to her for life advice, because she is lonely and miserable. Here, the reference not only underscores the idea that they don't know her, but also that she is making the choice for them to "find someone" else, because she is choosing to come out of hiding, and in so doing, is also choosing to leave behind the misery that made her write Dear Reader in the first place.

Verse 2

“Didn’t opt in to be your odd man out/I founded the club she’s heard great things about/ I left all I knew/you left me in the house by the heath/I stopped cpr after all it’s no use/the spirit was gone, we would never come to/ and I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.”

I made a post about the "Heath" reference that you can read here. Please note the reblog of it that I added an addendum to about the Heath being a park in London. Heath was a doctor that practiced conversion therapy, meaning that her fans "left her at home" with someone trying to change her. By ignoring her signaling, they told her they didn't want the real her, which kept her in the closet, and I fear kept her more vulnerable to those who may have tried to manipulate her into trying to change herself, or deny her true self even behind closed doors.

"I stopped cpr after all its no use/the spirit was gone we would never come to" - again Taylor is using the of a failed romantic relationship to express her lost hope in salvaging the corners of her kingdom that ultimately won't accept her when she comes out. This is also an example of the frequent gothic/death related imagery Taylor uses on this album, a theme consistent with the idea that something is ending, that she is killing off her public persona.

"and I'm pissed off that you let me give you all that youth for free" Taylor has spent so many years choosing her fans and her current carrer path over the full expression of her life and happiness. Again, she had hope that the people who have given her endless validation and effusive praise for years would accept her for who she is. She is realizing that the love between her and at least some of her fans was conditional, and given what we know of how much her fans have meant to her over the course of her career, this was likely a devastating wake up call that took years for her to accept - undoubtedly a huge factor in her seemingly delaying her coming out so many times.

"So long London/Stitches undone/two graves, one gun/I’ll find someone”

Taylor has said her fans are her longest relationship; the imagery in this song reflects the idea that this is a break up with someone she has tried with over and over again. So she undoes the “stitches” that link her to them. This line references her song Glitch on Midnights, “fasten myself to you with a stitch” symbolizing being bonded with a romantic partner (which represent a portion of her fans in this song).

"Two graves one gun" is likely a reference to burying her public persona self, and the second grave could represent her fans (a parallel to the "cheating husband" in "Florida!!!"?) or it could be a shrouded suicidal thought - the second grave being her private persona - both selves being killed off. This lyric is one of my favorites in this song but I don't have a strong conviction on who the second grave is, I'm very open to others' thoughts...

Bridge

“And you say I abandoned the ship/but I was going down with it/my white knuckle dying grip/holding tight to your quiet resentment/and my friends said it isn't right to be scared/every day of a love affair/every breath feels like rarest air/ when you're not sure if he wants to be there/So how much sad did you think I had, did you think I had in me/How much tragedy/Just how low did you think I'd go/Before I'd self implode/before I had to go be free"

"And you say I abandoned the ship...white knuckle dying grip" Taylor emphasizes her wish for things to be different with this lyric, clinging to her ship as it sinks. We all saw her try to right the ship, she's finally choosing to let go and swim to safety (a nautical parrallel to the manuscript's "my trip to your shores"?).

“My friends said it isn’t right to be scared everyday of a love affair…if you’re not sure he wants to be there”

Similar to when someone is in a bad romantic relationship, i imagine her friends expressed their concern that her relationship with her fans is unhealthy. Although many of her friends are high achievers themselves, Taylor’s success is in another league (monster on the hill) and they would likely have expressed their hope that she can slow down and accept a slightly less monumental career in the interest of her mental health. 

“How much sad did you think I had/did you think I had in me/Just how low did you think I’d go?” “before I self implode/before I have yo go be free”

Taylor imagines arguing with her fans in the throes of the break up, and in this passage it becomes clear that she is convinced they know the truth but are refusing to acknowledge it. That they allowed her to keep faking her straight persona for their sake. That she was a woman pushed to her limits by a partner (fans) who knew they were running her ragged, a partner that didn’t in fact love her, but loved what she could do for them.

 So she asks them, how long did you think I could keep doing this before it broke me? How long did you think I would go along with this, be willing to sacrifice for you? how much would she fake/take the money to keep up the straight persona?

“You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?/I died on the altar waiting for the proof/ you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

The para social relationship is again a perfect match for the metaphor of a partner that uses you but doesn’t meet you in relationship as a full person. The praise puts you on an altar, but their actions don’t reflect the effusive words. “Bluest days” is a red herring to match the bearding narrative/fan rumor that Joe’s mental health affected their relationship, but also could be interpreted as the fans overlooking her truth in the interest of relying on the idea that their favorite pop star has the same boy problems that they do, their "bluest days" were the days they were torn up over a relationship or an unrequited love and needed her break up anthems, and they wouldn't have the same effect if they knew (and weren't in denial) that the songs are about women (or now about them, ironically).

Last Verse/Outro

“I’m just getting color back into my face/im just mad as hell cause I loved this place/for so long London/had a good run/moment of war son/but I’m not the one”

The first line here parallels the language in “you’re losing me”, which uses the metaphor of a relationship literally dying (“i can’t find a pulse”, etc). In this song she is leaving the relationship to save herself, and in leaving she is recovering her health, hence getting the color back in her face after being pale when sick and near death.

“This place” or London, is a stand in for the world, the Swiftverse that she created for and with her fans. It had been her life’s work, her source of pride, self worth, her legacy, but now she must leave, because it was built in large part around a self she created to make herself palatable to the fans she amassed. She can’t be that person anymore, and maybe in some ways “this place” doesn’t even really feel like hers. This parallels Florida!!!, "your home's really a town you're just a guest in/so you work your life away/just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin". She is just a guest in the musical world of the brand of Taylor Swift that she spent her whole life building ("the story isn't mine anymore")

To close, she repeats the main lines of the chorus,

“So long London/Stitches undone/two graves, one gun/you’ll find someone” 

This repetition drives home the finality of this decision - her exit, her killing her public persona, her detaching herself from those that don't see and support her, and her reassuring herself that those people will find someone else to worship, and someone else to see themselves in, and her realization and relief that they aren't her responsibility anymore.

[communistkenobi]

I think a large problem with how we got to this stage of "man is gender neutral" discourse is that a lot of queer people refuse to engage with feminism. I've been seeing it brought up a lot recently, but it's true. Someone who doesn't see a problem with referring to a trans woman as "dude" probably also doesn't believe in patriarchy to begin with. We need to start doing feminism 101 on tumblr again.

I think this is true and I also think this issue extends to the fact that white liberal queerness is the societally accepted conception of lgbtq issues broadly - the fact that pride flags litter the windowsills of small businesses and banks, that lgbtq merchandise is its own market, that western conceptions of gayness and especially transness are the internationally imposed norm (eg, we are pathological exceptions to cishetero society and should be accepted on the grounds that we are scientifically proven to be legitimate by medical and psychiatric institutions, presented with an awkward flair of “okay so we’re not saying being transgender is a mental illness, but it is caused by a mental illness” + framing of gay people as “they’re just like straight people! they can get married and have children just like you!”). Many many queer people of colour have pointed out how much this predominate western framing of lgbtq identity as a “white person thing” (partially because white queer people are just as racist as non-queer white people, also because of aforementioned western imperialism) puts them at odds with their own communities, giving people in those communities a “rational” reason to oppose lgbtq rights on the grounds of resisting western imperialism. Israel’s pinkwashing is a particularly instructive and stark example of this, positioning lgbtq freedom as being contingent on genociding and destroying Palestine - this doesn’t mean it’s okay to be homophobic obviously, but this sort of imperial imposition of queerness as part of the package of western domination creates the conditions for “rationally opposing” lgbtq rights and equality within colonized communities and ultimately causes intersecting levels of harm for lgbtq people in those communities. You can read decolonizing trans/gender 101 by b binaohan if you want more on the subject, I’ve only read the intro so far but it was very instructive (thank you @/molsno for spreading this link around! - she also has a post with a bunch of transfeminist writings if you want more of that). There's also this video by FD Signifier about Dave Chappelle's transphobia that talks about anti-Blackness in white trans/queer spaces and the intense homophobia and transphobia Black lgbtq people face as a result of this that I found insightful if you want to listen to something instead

ANYWAY, all to say - I think the larger problem is that queerness in western contexts (which tumblr is firmly situated in) is overwhelmingly white and liberal, which means that even if these spaces were to incorporate feminist frameworks in their analysis of oppression, they would be incorporated as liberal feminist frameworks, which are fundamentally transmisogynistic and racist, and fundamentally attached to the imperial project of the west (I recently read this article called Beyond the Coloniality of Gender by Alex Adamson discussing some of the problems with western feminism. they demonstrate this through a case study on western feminist objections to genital cutting in certain African countries + analysis of decolonial trans and intersex feminisms more broadly - if you click "show document" in the upper right hand corner of the page I linked it allows you to access the full article).

I’ve always struggled to articulate the exact issue we're discussing, because at a certain point a lack of knowledge is not to be blamed -the larger issue at hand is that the western political + economic apparatus has incorporated queer assimilation into its project. This does not mean that queer people in the west are safe from homophobia or transphobia (see: current transphobic hysteria across North America and UK in particular), but it does mean that white western queer people have incredible political and rhetorical leverage to dominate these conversations using white liberal analytical frameworks, which can only lead to transmisogynist and white supremacist conclusions about the nature of oppression. I think the only way out of these path-dependent "everyone is oppressed by patriarchy" conversations is a larger decolonial political and social project - part of which necessarily incorporates feminist analysis, but feminist analyses that are decolonial, marxist, and transfeminist in nature, and the only way these frameworks can be comprehensively adopted is through a larger decolonial turn

[absolutebl]

Hii do you have any recommendations for bl that’s similar to Bad Buddy, My School President, and Semantic Error? Idk I’m looking for something fluffy, but with some angst for flavor (also potentially school setting but it doesn’t have to be). Anyways thank you so much!! 💟💟

10 Fluffy Yet Angsty BLs + School Setting (By Request Rec List)

Examples: Bad Buddy, My School President, Semantic Error

Interesting selection. I added the "school setting" to keep me tailored down. Let's see what we got.

You'll never guess how we are gonna start...

Did ya guess?

Seven Days

Japan 2015 - grey

Never doubt my ability to recommend this show. One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses.

I Cannot Reach You

AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan 2023 - Netflix

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen. Full review.

Light On Me

Korea 2021 Viki

Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. LoM strategically tailors classic BL tropes to 2 different semes resulting in pristine pacing, plot, and character development, explicitly serving narrative (not just to tick boxes). LoM is a master class in this trope drops. (If you write fanfic or romance you should study this show.) Full review.

Cherry Blossoms After Winter

Korea 2022 Viki

Korea took on early Japanese sweet yaoi but gave it their signature softness and precise production with a STUNNING color palette (beautiful pastels, sun-saturated over-exposure), manga framg style, some traditional BL character archetypes, that tiny edge of bullying roughness and out-of-control seme, plus FINALLY a palatable take on the stepbrothers trope and it was, in a word, classic. Sophisticated and understated CBAW is not slow, it’s just subtle. It's dream-like and atmospheric, as if the whole thing took place under cold water on a warm spring day. Is there plot or peril? Not really. Do we care? Also, not really. Look, I can’t help it, I’m old school and so is this show. I grew up reading sweet yaoi, and this was THAT YAOI just on my screen. There’s no objectivity with me and this show. It’s a beautiful pastiche and I loved it for how it made me feel and what it remded me of. It’s not flawless, but it is a wonderful experience. Full review.

Takara-kun and Amagi-kun

Japan 2022 Gaga and Viki

I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show. Reserved cool kid who must learn to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charmg: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning. Was there plot? Not really. Was it emotionally tense and paced well enough for me not to notice? Absolutely. Did I enjoy the hell out of it? Oh yes. Full review.

Blueming

Korea 2022 - iQIYI

It’s a tiny bit dark and a tiny bit bittersweet, almost too honest to a university experience and first love for BL, but if you want your md ever-so-slightly messed with and your intimacy hellishly sweet, this BL will do it for you in a coldly distant manner, while bitch slapping you with self worth issues. I wasn’t into it at first, but the leads are solid and by ep 5 it got really good, becomg a narrative about self discovery meets understanding and accepting others people’s flaws without hurting them. Ultimately we witnessed two characters maturing because of each other and their mutual affection, without that affection becomg the conflict point. Instead, tension was built around other aspects of identity, popularity, and self-worth. While production values were a touch lower than usual for Korea, Bluemg included decent kisses and other forms of intimacy and a satisfying ending plus there’s judicious and very elegant use of tropes, this is a great BL. Full review.

About Youth

Taiwan 2022 - Gaga

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by real world authenticity and grit. Full review.

My Love Mix Up

AKA Kieta Hatsukoi

Japan 2021 - Viki

Completely adorable absolute chaos bi disaster muffin falls accidentally and utterly in love with his classmate, hijinx and friendship result. What’s great about this BL is that it deals with things like homophobia, asexuality, and one sided affection in an extremely gentle and palatable way. Perhaps sometimes too subtle, but I believe this is a great show for younger audiences, particularly if you want to spark conversations about identity, sexuality, authority, truthfulness, and consent. Oh and it’s funny.

The Eclipse

Thai 2022 - YouTube

GMMTV does gay Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing. This is a good show but the cast is excellent and the leads are absolutely flawless, which elevates it beyond just good. We got a nuanced and multifaceted burgeoning relationship: philosophical (and socio-political) conflict contrasted to moments of empathy; flirtation contrasted to moments of genuine affection, plus plenty of angst. This narrative is less about love than it is about courage and tenderness. However, near the end the pacing was off and the plot frustrating. Still, this is an enjoyable watch, with a finale that features verbal consent and a fun blooper reel.

Destiny Seeker

Thai 2023 - WeTV

Frankly this probubly ranks along side most of hte runners up, but it's chronically under watched so I wanted to give it a special shout out.

A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likable grumpy/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes. Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. Full review.

Honorable mention

These satisfy your criteria but I jsut personally like the above 10 better. And you did ask me, still OPTIONS!

2gether & Still 2gether

A Breeze of Love

Between Us

Dark Blue Kiss (+ Kiss Me Again - PeteKao Cut)

Hidden Agenda

Love By Chance

Love Class

Love Class 2

SOTUS

Star in My Mind

TharnType

Theory of Love

Why R U? Thailand

Why R U? Korea

(source)

[crepesuzette2023]

As the most infamous fic reccomender do you have anything which will get me out of this depressive pit I've recently fallen into? Something like 'I need you darlin' where its like a well-rounded full story of them falling for each other.

As someone who's familiar with "the long, dark tea-time of the soul," I'll do my best!

The I Need You Darlin' verse (@beatlessideblog) is definitely my go-to as well when I'm stranded on the emotional equivalent of wherever that was where they filmed The Terror, so we share that love. :-)

Many of my comfort reads are on the shorter side: smutty or humorous one shots, but your ask for well rounded stories made me think of these longer fics, too. Hopefully some of these spark joy:

Weddings (@ohjohnnysblog). John and Paul get married in their hearts in Paris '61, and before the law in 2014. They go through many ups and downs, but it all ends well.

I also enjoy 5 Thomas Lane (@chut-je-dors): Modern AU in which John and Paul are married dads. This one is more of a collection of long, one-shot chapters set in the same world rather than a fic with an overarching plot, so perfect for coming back to. The extra Phone Sex is a hot and funny. And check out this art!

A story I keep thinking about is Whatever Fate Decrees (@dailyhowl). John and Paul are an artist and musician, respectively, but still find each other. Lots and lots of pining, but a happy ending, I promise...and Brian lives! <3

Beautiful and so hot my dignity doesn't stand a chance: always, no sometimes (@stonedlennon). Private moments with John and Paul during the lead-up to Sgt. Pepper's.

Suffer Fools Gladly (@aquarianshift): John and Paul through the Beatles years. Four times they almost kissed, and one time they did. One of my favorite endings: zucchini-bread-bearing Lesbians ex machina!

Can You Still Love Me Tomorrow (@imaginebeatles). It's a sweet, romantic Christmas story, but lovely in any season. Modern/fake dating AU. Note the 'slutty!Paul' tag.

And here is a story-in-miniatures: Three lovely vignettes of young J&P through Mike McCartney's eyes, by thinkpink20: Sunday Morning, Boys, Interrupted, and Sleepless in Wales. Bonus: The Photograph, in which John gets to thinking after seeing one of Mike's portraits of Paul.

This is on the short side, but so comforting: Paul and John take a bath in Hamburg! (after bombardment, sonya, by inherownwrite)

Other comfort-/'satisfying my urgent need to laugh my ass off'- stories:

You Might Well Arsk (snugglesweaters). Barista John and student Paul strike up an email correspondence. One thing leads to the next...

Paul's Got John's Thigh, And He's Not Letting Go! (@waveofahand). Press conference shenanigans.

Fixing A Hole: Beatles Songs Scientifically Sorted In Order Of Gayness (@chut-je-dors, @imaginebeatles). Just gimme some truth.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Someone probs wrote about this before, but it’s absolutely bonkers how Aof’s Bad Buddies and Our Skyy crossover with ATOTS put men’s bisexual/pansexual experiences in conversation with gay experiences.

You get Pran and Phupha and even Tian all existing to some extent as gay characters—and I don’t say that because anyone specifically uses that label (only Tian really goes near there). In fact, I don’t even say that because of the gender they’re attracted to! There’s more to their gayness than that. They’re gay characters because all three of those characters exhibit major signs we associate with effeminacy and, more importantly, its early suppression by others, which leads to the shameful self-repression we see in their present day incarnations. They all have softer sides—music, art, gentleness—that they tuck away privately, and they each have clear examples throughout their stories of people telling them that they need to eliminate or at least hide that part of themselves. And these interests and expressions are not just subtext about sexuality here, they are specific markers we culturally expect to see alongside gayness. And the suppression, or lack there of, of those effeminate qualities is a significant gay milestone.

Pat doesn’t have that experience, though, which I think is genius from a writing and queer theory perspective. The thing about the LGBTQIA+ grouping is that it’s a very potent political grouping, but the experiences of each letter within that acronym are distinct, and often it’s precarious to bring up the differences. However, with Pat’s bisexual characterization, we see how it can be productive. Because Pat’s embodiment, interests, and sexuality contained more aspects that were socially acceptable, he did not experience the same type of suppression as Pran, Tian, and Phupha did early on. He never needed to develop coping mechanisms that involved self-denial. Therefore, he’s comfortable being expressive with his more feminine side and his affections. He doesn’t have the same sense that his sweetness puts him at risk of anything. This openness provides a model for Pran in Bad Buddies and Phupha in ATOTS to explore releasing some of their self-control, anxiety, and shame to share the sentimental parts of themselves (Tian’s whole arc in ATOTS is about coming to terms with this more feminine heart inside of him—RIP Torfun 😢).

I think one of the lessons we’re supposed to glean from Pat is that any person, queer or not, could be that open and comfortable with the full spectrum of gender expression, from fist-fighting to hugging your nong nao doll over a crush, if they were given full support by their fams. Since that perfect world doesn’t quite exist, this is a really unique secondary message we get about the potential of reaching across the divides and growing from other groups within the LGBT acronym. Of course, no character is a stand-in for an entire group. Not all bisexual and pansexual folks escape childhood without suppression of their gendered ways of expressing themselves, and they have unique societal and internal challenges that come with their sexuality. But it’s okay to acknowledge, as Bad Buddy and ATOTS do, that many (but not all of course) exclusively gay men have interests and gendered styles of expressing themselves evident earlier in their lives that make them a target for shit, which leads to a specific loneliness-inducing style of relating to themselves and others. P’Aof and his team, instead of comparing those experiences with bitterness (which is what I’ve often felt inclined to do in the past tbh) asks what possibilities exist when these people can understand one another. It’s also somewhat symbolic of the possibilities that occur when the BL trope of ‘gay only for you’ is, not put in contest with lgbtq media, but instead synthesized—which is what P’ Aof has explicitly aimed to do for his whole career.

[aemiron-main]

analysis: imo ted wont be by the end of the show + also mike’s sexuality is tied into the meta/overarching narrative and metaphors in st.

this is not a full ted wheeler analysis nor a full gay mike analysis nor a full st narrative analysis (all of which im going to do at some point), however, it is an analysis as to why s4 made up my mind about whether or not ted would be homophobic in the end + why gay mike specifically is intertwined into the ST narrative as a matter of analysis rather than headcanon. SO! Again, this isn’t a full analysis, but here’s part of why I believe that Mike was written as a gay man + it’s tied into the overall narrative of ST.  Mike saying “that’s just bullshit media propaganda,” in early s4, and then in the last episode, Ted is watching the news when it’s talking about hellfire club being a cult and opening a gate to hell, and goes

“are you hearing this?”

and then Karen says “just what we need, more hysteria,” and Ted goes “that’s the news for you. Indistinguishable from the tabloids.”

We know that in Mike’s scene, the guy he was talking to said that dnd/hellfire club was satanic or whatever, just like how in ted’s scene, the news is talking about how hellfire club is a satanic cult. And we know that in Mike’s scene, in addition to the other obvious gayness when he’s running around looking for people (the wrestling team?? REALLY, Michael??), there’s a very obviously placed cutout of the word “women,” beside Mike’s head when he looks disgruntled/starts talking about “bullshit media propaganda,” which to me, shows that there’s a double meaning (ie the bullshit homophobic media propaganda that was going around at the time esp w the aids crisis). So, “women” and “bullshit media propaganda” being put together in the same scene alongside Mike’s upset/disgruntled reaction seems to demonstrate that to Mike, women and bullshit media propaganda are connected (ie not that Mike hates women, but that it’s literally bullshit propaganda (and need I remind you of the word bullshit and its use in ST specifically towards failing relationships where one person is not in love with the other?), that people are telling him he’s supposed to like women romantically, that the news is saying it, etc) Just like Jonathan’s convo with Will about “you shouldn’t like things because people tell you to.”

And so, with the whole “aids is god’s will,” rhetoric that was going around in the 80s + how that scene is subtly not just Mike speaking out against the media propaganda regarding hellfire, but also narratively it’s regarding being gay + aids, vs the “hellfire club is satanic/against god” and how the two are linked and how hellfire club works as a metaphor for queerness + being outcast + the satanic panic vs the aids panic, then it also stands to reason that if Ted’s reaction towards the media propaganda about hellfire is the same as Mike’s then ted’s reaction to the propaganda about lgbtq people and the aids crisis will also be the same as Mike’s because the two topics are meant to parallel eachother and be linked.

Long story short: Ted might not be the best dad. He should’ve been there for Mike and Nancy more, should’ve been more emotionally open. But he’s not homophobic. He doesn’t hate his kids. 

Ted’s arc isn’t about being hateful- it’s about being ignorant. It’s about ignorance and how that can also play a huge role in the rise of hate and misinformation. Ted is not the one putting out the media propaganda, giving speeches like Jason- Ted is the one listening quietly, or simply following along, the one not challenging people like Jason. Ted is a living representation of the bystander effect. Ted throughout the seasons, is blinded by the media propaganda. 

But over time, in s4, we see that start to change. He’s no longer blinded by the propaganda. He’s starting to question it. Starting to question the government (asking why nobody from the government’s intervening about the murders), whereas previously, we see him blindly following the government when Brenner and co show up at the Wheeler house. He makes his comment about the news being like the tabloids. He’s no longer following along, no longer just staring at the tv silently like he has every other season, but instead, he’s watching. He’s listening, now. He’s responding. He’s questioning. 

I’m always open to discussion, but imo, Ted Wheeler is not homophobic, not in the end, at least. And his arc is not about hate, it’s not about active loathing and aggression the way that Lonnie’s is and his dynamic with Will- it’s about ignorance. Ted Wheeler is ignorant, he ignores Mike. For better or for worse, he is the epitome of ignorance. But he’s getting over that ignorance, and beginning to see through the media propaganda that’s been put out about hellfire/about queer people/the aids crisis.  And Ted is a reagan supporter- of course he’s aware of the media propaganda going around about the aids crisis, and likely believed much of it, believed a lot of that homophobia, not out of active hatred, but out of a lack of questioning- homophobic not out of direct action, but out of inaction, out of complacency. 

If Will is a representation of lgbtq people who are actively targeted for their sexuality and hated by their parents (Lonnie in this case), whose parents see right through them and hate them for it, then Mike is a representation of lgbtq people who fall through the cracks, who are invisible, whose parents can’t see them no matter how much they want their parents to see and understand. Mike, like when he fell off the cliff and disappeared (which is PARALLELED to hopper saying that Will fell off of a cliff and implied that it was a hate crime/that his disappearance was a hate crime), is gone, he disappears, he’s not actively targeted, he’s invisible. Which isn’t any better than being viable in the way that Will is, because it means that people can’t help him. At least Will has people in his life who recognize that he’s different and love him for it (joyce and Jonathan), despite the hatred that this openness/outward queerness brings, it also brings love. But with Mike, people don’t recognize that he’s different. They don’t love him or hate him for it- they don’t seem him at all. And that would explain Mike’s fixation with superheroes, and special people with powers, but also his desire to send normal. Deep down, Mike wants to be different. Wants to be seen. Wants to be able to be himself, wants to enjoy dnd (which is a representation of his relationship with Will). But he also knows how dangerous it is. He knows now, that being associated with Hellfire/dnd is dangerous. He knows that being different is dangerous, because look at everything that’s happened to Will for being different, and look at everything that’s happened to El for being different/being a superhero. 

DND was also literally used as a metaphor for mike and will’s relationship, and also for mike being himself (ie, mike not being himself in s3 + his and will’s relationship starting to falter.  DND is representative of queer relationships in that regard. It was never just about the hellfire club or satanic panic related to DND. Past that level, it’s about queerness and otherness and being different, and the hateful panic of the aids crisis.

If Will is gay men who die by hate crimes, then Mike is gay men who die by suicide. If Will is gay men who are almost too visible (not by any fault of their own), whose families/the people around them have sensed their queerness from a young age, then Mike is gay men who are invisible, who receive no hate from their families, but also no support. If Will is gay men who are tormented in their own home, or forcibly taken from their own home (his vanishing/kidnapping), then Mike is gay men who run away from home, or who disappear via suicide. (see: smalltown boy, finn talking about who’s going to leave hawkins and then also quarry scene). If Will is a gay man who, as joyce said, gets picked and called queer for his clothes, then Mike is a gay man whose clothing choices are never noticed at all, even if theyre ‘as gay’ as will’s. (not that clothes are gay LMAO but that there’s specific things mentioned in the script that the bullies would pick out about will’s clothes, things like them being colourful, but imo, mike’s character, even if dressed the same way, or even MORE colourful, esp since will really isn’t that colourful, would go unnoticed by the bullies, but also generally unnoticed by everyone, because he’s about invisibility and the harm that it can cause).  It’s like how sometimes in ST, the characters need to run, need to hide, need to be invisible- like how Will standing his ground against the mindflayer ended up getting him posssesed.   Will is good at hiding because he IS so visible, he has to hide because people seem to see right through him.  Mike is not good at hiding. He’s not good at acting ‘normal.' He fails at it in s4 (see: airport scene).  Because Mike is invisible. He’s never learned how to hide because people have never really seen him before. He’s never had to hide in the same way that Will has, he’s never had to run in the same way that Will has (see: will running from the demogorgon but being able to use a gun in s1 vs mike standing his ground but grabbing the ineffective candlestick), he’s never been visible, so he’s never needed to hide, so, he’s not very good at it. He’s not good at acting normal. Will is. Will is good at acting normal (not that he IS normal, just better at ACTING normal, like the airport scene?? mike was way more gay and awkward and obviously in love tm).  This is also part of why Will gets so upset about people treating him differently/as if he’s a freak, whereas mike seems to WANT to be different deep down, seems to IDOLIZE people like superheroes, who are different. Will doesn’t want people to treat him differently because he HAS been treated differently his whole life, because he’s too visible, so he’s had to learn to hide and act ‘normal.’ Mike, on the other hand, wants to be treated differently because he’s been invisible his whole life, and so he never had to learn to hide or act normal, even though  he eventually has to TRY and do so, he never learned how, because he never had to. Because whereas Lonnie would pick up on any hint of oddity about Will, Ted would simply ignore things as strange as mike keeping a girl with telekinetic powers in the basement. Will was so visible that he couldn’t even breathe the wrong way lest lonnie notice, and was always actively pursued by things like the mindflayer and demogorgon and henry. Mike was so invisible that he could be screaming “i have a girl in the basement!!!” and ted would barely notice.  Mike and Will are two sides of the same coin. IMO, Mike was written as a gay man, and it is intertwined into the overarching narrative + meta of stranger things, and this is just one example among many. (like how ‘it’s not my fault that you don’t like girls’ only makes sense if mike is projecting and therefore doesn’t like girls, which means that there’s yet another reference not JUST to mike being attracted to men, which could indicate him being bi, but SPECIFICALLY to his lack of attraction to girls.)  Again- ZERO hate to anyone with other thoughts, and this isn’t meant to spark an argument. But imo, there’s elements of the narratives and metaphors in ST that only click into place if Mike is gay.  It’s not that bi or unlabelled people are less queer, or less targeted, or that they would have been less at risk at the time. Not at all. But rather, it’s the fact that ST has have chosen to intertwine gay mike as a part of demonstrating the link between hellfire club/satanic panic vs sexuality and the aids crisis. This metaphor could still totally work if Mike was bi- but the evidence for it, things like the word “women” being behind him while he’s talking about “bullshit media propaganda,” using the phrase “bullshit” specifically, one that’s been used for heteronormative relationships/relationships where one part isn’t attracted to the other anymoree (see: stancy), and therefore tying that word to the word “women,” demonstrates that Mike being a gay man/not attracted to women is part of what builds that connection between hellfire satanic panic vs queerness and the aids crisis/homophobia.  That scene with mike is not the RESULT of the existing metaphorical link between the hellfire club and satanic panic vs queerness and the aids crisis- it is part of what BUILDS that link, and they chose to build that link in a way that demonstrates Mike not having attraction to women (and again, this is just one scene, not a full gay mike analysis by any stretch). They could have built it other ways! They totally could have built that link in ways that demonstrate bi mike, and the narrative and metaphor would totally still work- they could’ve had mike looking happy with the word ‘men,’ behind him. But they didn’t do that.  Instead, they specifically chose to specify that Mike lacks attraction towards women, and that his relationships with women (el) are the result of heternormativity and propaganda. Rather than just reinforcing that Mike also likes men, instead of having the word ‘men,’ back there and showing mike looking happy, or looking happy in front of the words women and men, or looking equally UPSET in front of both, they chose, instead, to demonstrate a lack of attraction towards women, and directly parallel the word ‘women’ to a phrase (bullshit) that indicates a lack of attraction + also indicates a relationship that was informed by heternormative standards and stereotypes (early stancy).  So it’s not that bi people aren’t valid, or weren’t affected by the aids crisis, because that’s not what i’m saying- it’s that the show chose to build a link between mike’s lack of attraction to women, heteronormative standards/propaganda AND the overarching narrative about the aids crisis vs the satanic panic/hellfire vs queerness.  Barb is also tied to the aids crisis/homophobic panic, like i discussed in my yellow ribbon post. IMO Barb’s death, metaphorically, rather than being the result of aids, is the result of the sort of bigotry and rejection and self-loathing that came as a result of the media propaganda and homophobia during the aids crisis.  And if we disregard the use of the word ‘bullshit’ and its connotations in the show, if we disregard the word ‘women’ behind mike in that scene, and dismiss it as “just a writing choice/random word choice/coincidence,” or “just a set design choice/random/coincidence,” then there is a LOT of other things that we have to disregard on the show as well (ie, the word ‘crazy’ and it being a stand-in for love), or things like all of the intricate yellow blue set design colour coding.  A lot of the byler evidence disappears if we ignore things like this + dismiss them, so why should we dismiss them when it comes to sexuality and the ST narrative? The word “women” didn’t just leap onto the set wall. Finn didn’t just choose to stand right in front of it and say “bullshit” and talk about media propaganda in relation to a topic (hellfire club and the satanic panic) that is very clearly a stand-in for the aids crisis and homophobia because he was in a silly goofy mood. The sets don’t come pre-decorated randomly.  The actors dont just close their eyes and choose where to stand, the directors don’t just let them do whatever, the editors don’t just trim a few clips and call it a day, cinematographers don’t just decide to set up a shot for shits and giggles, ESPECIALLY not in a show like stranger things where time and time again, the intricacy of the set design, the direction, the writing, the cinematography, of EVERYTHING, has been demonstrated time and time again. If we ignore things like this and write them off as coincidence, then we ignore the panda drawing on el’s desk in s3 that foreshadowed Robin using the chinese restuarant “international panda” to crack the code. We ignore things like the fact that there’s always SOME representation of Will between mike and el every single time that they kiss, like i mentioned in this post (link), then we ignore tons and tons of other, clearly relevant details in the show, details that prove things like byler endgame. 

[hopelessromanticme]

I'm totally fed up.... A Desi guy's guide to personality annihilation...

Yaar now im actually fkin confused bhayy... Like on one hand ik for sure that hell nah nobody can destroy Me, only Me can destroy Me but on the other hand bhayy when i go out and i see the world that shit is actually depressing and downright fked up... Like this Tumblr ki duniya is like a giant rabbit hole of all the good things and happiness aur humour aur love... Aur if you'll outside of it bahar ki duniya is full of misogyny, misandry, toxicity, patriarchy, matriarchy... And all those bullshitery likeee SHUTT UP PEOPLE FFS.

I WANNA SCREAM ON TOP OF MY LUNGS SOMEWHERE QUITE.... I'm done with this societal norms aur uski bakchodi bhai... People think that I'm going mad... Well ofcourse koi bhi sane person would be mad... Have you seen the hatred people hold against other religions and castes... Kyunn hai itni hatred saalo tumhare aander... Mat rakho naa itni buraai dusro ke liye... Shaanti se raho na bey pyaar se... I'm sorry for my language but yeh bkl ab meri sarr ke paar jaa rhe hai... Nobody gives a fuck about what's going on Manipur or the farmer's protest but Maxtern aur Elvish ki news aa rhi hai... Like have we gone completely mad... Pagal ho gaye hai kya sab... Dosto se baat karta hoon toh wahin Hindu-Muslim aur Women ko objectify karna.... Abe sab ke sab saale chutiye pagal ho gaye hai... Mere ko maa kasam bhagwaan ji kal ko utha le gaye naa toh main Khushi Khushi chale jaunga... Itni si bhi positivity nahi bachi hai yaar iss duniya mein... Aur yahan Tumblr pe alag he Utopian Society bana ke baithe hai sab... Abey pagal ho kya tum log... Where the fckk is BALANCE BHAYYY... Either I'm here toh I'm super happy and lovey-dovey aur either I'm bahar toh I'm super sad and depressed as fck...

Mujhe moksh chahiye yaar... Kyun na karun main suicide bata... Haan royenge sab 2 din 4 din 10 din... Fir... Fir kyaa... Fir toh society wahi rahegi naa...

I'm out here assassinating my persona because i wasn't able to find a perfect person to love... Like that how depressing this shit is...

And fckkk practicing Stoitism aur following Sigma Male and Andrew Tate... Fckk them all... Bish I grew up reading Srimad Bhagwat Geeta and Purans... We all are humans we all have flaws... Nahi bann sakte ho tum perfectooo... Nahi hote hai sab ladke 6'0 feet nahi hoti hai sab ladkiyo ki zero figure... Kyaa chal raha hai duniya mein kaunse idols hai bhai sabke...

Have they ever read any sane text either their holy books or anything related to wisdom... This new world I HATE IT... I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT... I HATE WOH PINTEREST KE CUTE COUPLES... YES I'M SALTY AUR HAAN PAGAL HO GAYE HAI HUM...

Yaar... All I'm saying is "Love Me". I need some kind of compassion and female touch... Yes im going insane and soo is this fucked up world... I'm sorry for everything... Sorry for wasting your time reading this note... But at the same time No I am not really sorry...

Either I'll die in this journey... Or will become a lifeless corpse... Shit im not a philosopher but istg if, i not become one in the future...

can't say she was wrong here...

Meri toh kitni kam expectations thi life se... Aur self love kitna he kar lunga... Main toh thak jaata hoon sometimes yk fake scenarios create karte karte... The manifestation of love is the sole reason of my depression...

But idk what should i do... i never loved myself... i always try to love people... maybe because of the lack of love i never got, i don't want to happen the same to them.... I once read on Tumblr on one girl's blog where she wrote "When you are not served love in silver spoons you learn to lick it off knives". Kinda says alot about today's society and people... Doesn't it ...

[fictional-magic]

do i know you? (pt. 1)

desi!james potter x oc!female!reader

a/n: I'm gonna make an oc with the name "samaira"(sa-maai-ra), she's indian, bengali and a childhood friend of James. she's been his family friend and her parents are friends with his.If anyone wants to use her, please tag me. tw: mentions of abuse (not to fmc), attempted suicide, angst, angst, angst, oc is a muggle (set after they have graduated)

---------------------------------------------------------

"don't talk to me."

this. this is the first sentence you say to the guy you've been thinking about for the past 5 years. the one who stopped you from killing yourself, running away and doing things he knew/you should have known you would regret. all his cries were of no use anymore. you needed him to understand you when you were 5, and this perfectly carved cold demeanor of yours could not, under any chances, crumble beneath a boy man who didn't even bother to tell you he's going to, or running off to london. right now, he's chasing you, trying to hold you, and say all the things he was supposed to centuries ago as you angrily storm, and storm isn't even the right word. there isn't a word in the entire oxford dictionary to explain how distraught and broken you feel. you're fuming, raging, burning inside, walking stomping back to your house because you don't want to meet, see, interact, talk, know him ever again. the beautiful, hidden core of yours dies, and rebirths slowly when you turn around to look at the only reason you're physically alive and wholly dead right now.

the person that stands infront of you now is a man. you met a boy, a lively, full of happiness, sunshine in his pockets kind of little guy who you's meet every day in this small garden your mamai and his amma planted pretty tulips in. the boy used to spend his vacations, days, hours with you, up in your room, as you complained about your baba beating up your sweet, plain mother. the boy who used to listen, tell you it's not your fault, that you both could run away together. and that's so not your problem. your problem, dilemma, call it whatever you want, is he grew up into a beautiful man, who you don't know now. and every inch of your body lights up like atrickling flame down your skin when you think of how desperately you want to know everything about him. you feel it in your face, the utter shame of wanting to know someone who never (if he did, he wouldn't do this) cared about you. and still, you look behind. same curly hair. same chocolate, glistening-in-the-sun, kind of eyes. same freckled nose, same brown, shining skin, and the same pink, thin lips that used to laugh at your failed attempt of helpless jokes. but nothing's the same anymore. he's sad, you're mad, and every single little, huge "shikayat" (complaint) crumbles down onto him with your screams and tears and that physically hurt him. "itne jaldi kyun bhul gaya mujhe tu? main tujhe itna bulati gayi, aur tu aise bina bole bhaag gaya. (why did you forget me so quickly? i kept calling out to you, and ran away without telling me like this.)

tut gayi thi main sale. bikhar ke tukde ho gaye the mere. mamai died, asshole! she died! and you didn't even come to her tehrvi, or barsi or anything! you... " (i was broken you fucker. i was shattered ino pieces. mum died, you asshole! and you didn't even come to her thirteenth day{a ritual in india}, or her yearly death anniversary or anything. you...)

you gulp past the huge lump in your throat, and try again as your tears stain your skin. "you cheater! liar! chale jana tha toh kyun mujhe aise sapne dikha raha tha? i hate you! (if you had to leave, why did you show me all these dreams?)

"i hate you james. you made me this way. tujhe jo pasand tha, ab nafrat karne lagi hun us se. ful acche nahi lagte, baarish acchi nahi lagti, apne muh pe sahi se kajal nahi lagta kyunki tu lagata tha aur.. aur"

(i hate you james. you made me this way. i hate whatever you used to like. i don't like flowers anymore, i don't like the rain anymore, i can't put kohl on my eyes because you did it for me, and, and...) the words, the screams, rather die in your throat as he holds onto you, clutches onto the very last ounce of energy you have left in you as you screamed your entire world to him, and keeps whispering this foul, nonsensical word, "sorry myra. i'm so sorry"

[sunshinelore]

breaking down Taylors cover of riptide because I’m sooooo bored

While we know this cover is extremely gay, I’m obsessed with the attention to detail with the lyrics and way they relate so strongly to Taylor’s situation.

First verse:

I was scared of dentists and the dark

I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations

Oh, all my friends are turning green

You're the magician's assistant in their dream

Not much in the first 3 lines, just gayness because Taylors singing it and refused to change the pronouns/subjects even though it’s “from a girl’s pov”

Except that last line, you’re the magicians assistant in their dream

Sounds like…..

Not saying Taylor was exactly referencing the cover when she wrote so it goes, just thought it was a fun relation!

Chorus

Lady, running down to the riptide

Taken away to the dark side

I wanna be your left-hand man

I love you when you're singing that song

And I got a lump in my throat

'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

Again, taylor not changing pronouns. I see you girl

I love the last 3 lines because they’re just so fitting. Taylor being a singer, and Karlie not being one is just so cute, and imagine taylor admiring karlie while she messing up the lyrics and justajsjdjd my babies

I saw Someone point out on Twitter (I’m sorry i forget the name let me know if it’s you!!!) but this could be a nod at Taylor using he/him pronouns when they’re about a woman, and Karlie replacing the he/hims with she/hers, therefore singing the words “wrong”

There's this movie that I think you'll like

This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City

This cowboy's running from himself

And she's been living on the highest shelf

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!!!

It’s SO fitting with Taylors life and the era she was in at the time she sang this let me get into it!

This guy= again, I love when she refers to herself as a man. It’s just so fitting

Quit his job= when she switched from country to full pop with 1989. Even though red was a bit more pop-y, it still has many country elements and her “accent” (😂🙄) comes out in it several times. She completely changed in 1989 to complete pop

Head to New York City= do I need to explain? WTNY!! 🏙️

This cowboys running from himself= Taylor trying to run from her queerness, from her true self. A theme we see very often in her music. Also…

Again, not saying this is a direct reference. Just a fun find!

I just wanna, I just wanna know

If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay

I just gotta, I just gotta know

I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way

It’s giving very much the anxious repetition in delicate of ‘isn’t it?’ x100

I swear she’s destined for the screen

Closest thing to Michele Pfeifer that you’ve ever seen

I swear she’s destined for the screen…

We’ve all seen it

And ALSO!!!

KARLIE SMILE 😊😊😊☀️☀️☀️

anyway that’s it I love them so much and thank you for reading

[ouatsqincorrect]

I'm kinda sad they toned down the gayness of Emma's wardrobe, but... I like to think that Emma stole stuffs from her mom's closet, or that they went shopping together and that Snow influenced her daughter's purchases.

i think the drastic change in emma’s wardrobe is so telling of the fact that the emma we met in s1 is not the emma we see in s6. she’s falling straight (no pun intended) into this white picket fence life and she slowly loses the person she used to be. i could go on and on forever about how messed up emma’s arc was, on how it’s so sad that the show began as a mission to provide an audience with badass female characters and through the years, they took one of the most badass women of tv at the time and turned her into someone so vastly different, reducing her to a typical housewife role and completely disregarding the original goal of the entirety of once upon a time—

but if we’re ignoring all of that, i definitely think it’s possible emma stole some of snow’s clothes, or maybe she was influenced by snow’s wardrobe because she believed she needed to find true love and be like her mother to satisfy the role of being the savior for a town full of fairytale characters

[jemmo]

the way they are structuring the arguments minato and shin have in this season are absolute genius, and i cannot get enough of it. and this episode is so good for showing that, bc everything that seems petty or trivial or silly when they bicker hits at something deeper and more prominent that exists as an actual issue in their relationship, and somehow every time they bicker, it goes back to it, the real crux of the situation, which is how they see each other as childish. it’s minato’s favourite rebuttal to call shin a kid or a little brat, bc he thinks he can just reduce any actual problems or grievances shin has to just childish behaviour. and when we think about how the strong, passionate confidence with which shin shares his feelings is associated with the naivety of being young, you don’t know the world or haven’t experienced it enough to have those learned insecurities, you can see how minato has the excuse to reduce his behaviour down to this. and you can also add on this generational divide that’s probably exacerbated by how familiar and ingrained minato is to the society and community where he lives where he sees elder people day to day and becomes close to them, plus him leaving his city job to continue a family business almost feels like an early retirement so the life he leads is only shared by older people, he feels like he belongs to an older generation despite not being old, and thus has picked up all these notions about his identity and relationship that belong in that older generation, hence his difficulty with coming out and exposing his relationship.

shin, on the other hand, is part of this youth where it doesn’t matter and it’s not ingrained in him to feel guilty or like he needs to hide, and he’s aware of this and how it affects minato. and when he sees minato as childish, it’s not that he needs to grow up necessarily, it’s more like he needs to grow forward, out of these old notions of gayness being tied to guilt, and emotionally mature in that way, almost like he needs to grow up again, just in the current surroundings and be taught these new things about identity that allow him to be comfortable. but another way in which shin does see him as childish is how fickle he thinks he is, that he’d fall for people easily, which centres around this insecurity about minato’s feelings for sakuma and feeling like he can’t be secure in minato’s feelings for him because of it. it’s ironic bc minato turns his nose up at this idea shin not trusting him, but he also easily distrusts shin and thinks the worst when he sees him with someone else, almost like he can’t have any security in shin’s feelings for him bc that childishness of his passion implies that it’s not genuine, that it too is fickle and temporary. and shin’s distrust would be placated if minato learned to be more forward and reaffirm his feelings for shin without seeming like it’s hard or a big deal, but he can’t do that bc of all the reasons above about why he’s insecure in this relationship in the first place. it’s all connected, and it needs growth on both sides to get better, but my favourite thing about all of it is that neither of them wants the other to change fundamentally. shin can list all the things he likes about him and it encompasses his looks and his cuteness and his kindness and his brattiness and how difficult he is bc he likes him being this complicated handful minato knows he is and doesn’t shy away from. and when minato just says shin is handsome, I don’t think it’s just him stuck on looks, I think it’s more that there’s this inherent handsomeness to him, not just in the way he looks but the way he holds himself, the way he pursues his goals, the way he shares his feelings with confidence and is so kind and giving, it’s handsomeness in every facet. shin doesn’t want minato to not be difficult, and minato doesn’t want shin to not be so full on, they just need to find the ways to stop these things they like clashing and getting in the way.

and ps. I just love seeing shin talk to shu and rolling his eyes bc emotionally immature men really do be coming at him left right and centre

[daydreamgoddess14]

A flash of joy

Carmy x Sydney Masterlist

Full Masterlist

Carmy Berzatto x Sydney Adamu

Short and sweet little one-shot. The crew at The Beef take a little break while on prep. Set mid/late Season One.

My first foray into The Bear fanfic, so I'm just stepping in lightly to see how I get on finding their voices, etc. Hope you enjoy it!

~~~~~

It’s a nightmare when Richie is in charge of the playlist. Not because of his taste in music (necessarily), but because he skips tracks fucking constantly.

“Aye Richard for godsake will you stop skipping?!”

“Sorry T, just tryin’ to find somethin’ good. Jeez, no need to full name me.”

“Maybe if you shut up and listen, you’ll find something good.” He holds up his hands in defeat,

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll stop.” The playlist settles at last. The kitchen falls somewhat silent again, the sounds of chopping, hissing and pans boiling overpower just about everything else. Tina catches Syd’s eye over their chopping boards and rolls her eyes, grinning. It’s been a surprisingly nice morning. No one has threatened to murder anyone else, prep is going smoothly. Aside from being absolutely exhausted, Syd feels good. She sways gently to the music, matching Tina’s pace as they stand side by side - one on onions, the other on peppers.

“Hey, hey, look at you ladies jammin’” Marcus calls over with a wide smile as Tina adds a little shoulder dip to her sway. Syd allows herself this moment and mimics Tina again. The track ends and another starts,

“Ohh!” Tina exclaims, joyous. “I love this one! C’mon Jeff, sing with me.” She nudges Syd who laughs,

“Oh no, no. I don’t sing T. No way.”

“Pussy.” Tina teases lightly, humming along to Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell before singing softly. “ ...Just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry, you don't have to worry. 'Cos baby there ain't no mountain high enough… ” She bounces her hip into Syd who automatically starts swaying again, eyes only for her onions and the movement of her knife. 

“ Ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

Ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you, babe ”

It only takes a few beats for Syd to start singing quietly. It only takes her focused concentration on the board in front of her, the synchronicity of her movements with Tina and the familiarity of the song for the volume to increase slightly and soon, she and Tina are both singing along, both lost in a temporary moment of happiness. 

“ My love is alive

Way down in my heart

Although we are miles apart

If you ever need a helping hand

I'll be there on the double

Just as fast as I can ”

Tina is reveling in being egged on by Richie and Marcus. Carmy wheels his desk chair to the doorway and looks out at his crew. Marcus is bopping along at his station, Angel and Manny are both singing loudly - almost enough to drown out Tina and Syd, but not quite. He watches as Richie takes the knife from Tina’s hand and puts it on the countertop, twirling her under his arm. He holds one of her hands in his and with his spare hand, does exactly the same to Syd - who’s a little more reluctant to join in - until he has both women dancing with him. The song ends but the next one also has them all calling out happily. The dancing doesn’t stop. Sweeps joins in, even Ebra is bouncing gently on the spot. Carmy sits forward in his chair, elbows on knees. He's watching all of them really, but his eyes are drawn to Syd. Her smile is so open and expressive, she moves so effortlessly. It's probably the least awkward he's ever seen her. He thinks hard over their last few months, he's never seen her look so free or at peace. For once, her mind isn't racing a million miles an hour, she doesn't have the weight of The Beef on her shoulders. She's not worried about talking too much or being too weird. She's just being in the moment. The crew love her, even Richie for the most part - they exist in a largely happy equilibrium until one or both of them rocks the boat just a little too much - she's settled in better than he could ever have anticipated. Try as he might, he can't actually picture his life without her now, he sees improvement in everything around him - because of her. He knows things are only going to get harder for them, so he basks in this moment of being able to watch her without notice or restraint. They're all dancing now, Fak is shimmying out of the walk-in he claims to be fixing (again). It's a full on dance party to Shake It Off, and he's trying to decide whether to laugh or cry that his whole crew appear to be Swifties, when he's very much distracted by Syd's " baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake… " Tent-like t-shirt or not, the movement of her body is hypnotic. She catches his eye suddenly, catches him staring, and he's amazed when she doesn't retreat back into herself. Instead, she beams at him and waves. Her smile is… heart-stopping. He thinks this might actually be how he goes. He smiles back, a real one. It must be his first real smile since, well, who the fuck knows. Too long. Fitting then, that it's Syd who's the one to bring the smile to his face. The song ends, and before he can be the one to get them back to work, she speaks up.

"Thanks for the break Richie, gorgeous moves everyone. Back to stations though, an hour till service, ok?"

"Yes, Chef," comes the breathless but happy response from around the room. He hands her a runaway onion on his way past for a smoke,

"Thanks Chef. We'll get you up next time, it'll be good for you." She smirks.

"You're good for me, Chef." He says quietly before slipping out of the back doors.

 

FIN