#I only have like .. 2? friends from uni here that I still keep in contact w

[suoulfillem]

i may not have many friends that live a short car journey or train ride away from me but i have friends that i would cross oceans to see for just a couple of weeks and friends who would plan trips just so they are in the same country at the same time as me. i may not have many friends near me despite still living in the same town i grew up in, but i know i have many friends dotted around the world, who i spent mere months with, who care for me as though we spent years together. we may have not seen each other for 3 or 4 years, but the joy is still there. the love is still there

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - The Floodgates Have Opened

Oct 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Eclipse (Fri YT) 9 of 12 - Aye is such an intense and focused little thing. The eye contact with these 2 is beyond eye fucking into something more like eye soul-mating. The pool kiss was fine, but they looked cold. GMMTV loves a pool kiss. 

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 9 of 14 - this show makes me cry. Fee is a wonderful friend. This was a good episode, it was fun to see Eiw come into his own. I look forward to the reunion next week.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 2 of 10 - I figured it out, this is Make it Right the uni years! That’s why I like it. Nhai Is apparently flirtier and gayer when drunk. I’ve known some British lads like that. OK so sex happened. I like that there was some kind of confused drunken consent. But also serious regrets and bisexual identity crisis. Poor Nhai: You can’t have your friend and eat him too. This plot is moving quickly: it’s ep 2 and they have slept together and confessed, plus a one month trial relationship. I like it. This is messy gay in a way I appreciate. 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube & Gaga) 1 of 8 - I'm enjoying the lead pair, the meet cute, and the combative nature of their relationship. I’m not wild about the premise but I like how different it is from all the previous “my ghost boyfriend” takes on this concept. More “our human pet.” I’m beginning to be weirdly charmed by how bureaucratic the Thai afterlife always seems to be. 

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 1 of 8 - Basically we have player love-rivals (a girl)/enemies to lovers + a rich/poor pairing: Yai & Mangkorn. It had a good hook but most of the ep was dull; thankfully Gaga has a 1.5x speed. The acting is bad but the sex scene was fine: dominance struggles, lots of switching, and verse stuff. *we likie* This show is using drugging (impaired judgement/dub-con/both men), sexual extortion, and blackmail as a plot device not unlike LITA. But it’s using antiheroes and presenting everything, including the characters, in a negative light. Thus right now in BL we have a great example of how the same plot device can be depicted differently and result in an entirely different perspective and watcher experience. In other words: a narrative I’m hating in LITA doesn’t bother me here, because of characterization.  

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 3 of 7 - The agro yet deeply in-crush behavior of our tsundere seme is kinda fun, but the fashion remains truly terrible and the most unpleasant performer in this show. Although it’s got competition. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 8 of 13 - the premise and blackmail set up for this couple really fucked with me (because Sky is a broken angel-baby and Pai is an irredeemable pustule). I am not happy about it: DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE. That said, there is a GREAT analysis of Sky’s character here (that I totally enjoy and want to be true, but I think gives Mame too much credit). 

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 4 of 12 - So Fah’s bf cheated first? Okay, still doesn’t justify his behavior. Honestly, I really can’t stand this show. Now we are playing a game of how long can I go before dropping it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan Thurs GaGa & Viki) 7 of 8 - these two pretty much define awkward. Takara because he is trying desperately to keep his cool reserve (and perform perfect seme) while simultaneously being so in love/lust with Amagi in high school where desire is, by definition and practice, uncool. Amagi is all frenetic movements and angles, like he cannot control his limbs or his emotions, everything is deeply confusing to him including Takara’s affection. Watching them stumble around each other and agonize over every little movement and conversation is an exercise in joy, patience, and agony. It’s all so “teenager” I can hardly stand it. This episode, however, was more about Tanaka coping with learning his friend is 1. not straight and 2. deeply in love with an adorable weirdo. It was a quieter ep than I expected but sweet. “He said something cute and I couldn’t help myself“ is so traditional Japanese seme in one sentence I can’t even.

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 1 of 10 - basically this is A Man Who Defies the World of BL + Senpai This Can’t be Love (as @heretherebedork said). Nakao Masaki playing a sunshine bouncy himbo character is a fucking revelation, I didn’t think he had it in him. But our tsundere uke is far too tsundere for me, and despite the premise (AN IDOL LOVE INTEREST!) I do not not really like it. I just hate the stalker photograph obsession thing (My Engineer, SCOY, STCBL, now this) and I can’t support a character that starts out this way, it’s apparently a trigger I didn’t know I had until BL tried to romanticize it. I love Nakao Masaki (in a non stalker, no photos kind of way) so I might muscle through but... 

Once Again (Korea Fri GaGa) 7-8fin - Cute date plus hand holding and a mild but sweet moot kiss does not a satisfying ending make. They are great boyfriends even if only for a few days. As expected, like Kissable Lips, this one ends sad. Can’t stop the Koreans when a temporal paradox and death is on the line. They do love their tragedy, not to mention unavoidable fate. 2/10 NOT RECOMMENDED

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y - 20 eps A spy have reported in on a spoiler assessment of the first 2 installments here. 2 more to go. 

Oh My Sunshine Night 16 eps - I’m scared it’s gonna be sad, so I’m waiting for spies to tell me it’s safe, so far reported to be quite the soap opera. 

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 10 eps - dito OMSN, so I’m holding until it finishes its run. 

My Roommate - 32 eps of 2 minutes each? Terrible production values, worse than the pulps. I not bothering. 

In Case You Missed It

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us had a sad end, or at least, not a happy one, so I will not be watching it. I’m happy to leave it permanently listed dnf. 2022 will be the year I dnf’d the most BL, partly because there’s so much of it. (Thailand is at 108 BLs and counting this year). 

I talk a lot on this blog about linguistics (language intersecting with culture) here’s a fun podcast from Hidden Brain on How language shapes our perspective on life. 

Gossip

HIStory 5 is coming! Called HIStory5: Love in the Future. Since it’s going to be the only one under the 5 moniker I’ll probably default (like it did with H4) to just calling it H5. 

That omegaverse Thai BL got cancelled. Probably because of the fuss being kicked up about it. I am sad. No trash watch for me. Maybe Japan will still do one at some point. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting: Remember Me starts tomorrow, Thai (Sun Gaga)1 of 8. 2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 1 of 10. Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 1 of 8. SELF Thai (Thurs ??). My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Gaga & Viki) 1 of 12. Hard Love Mission Thai (Sat WeTV & iQiyi?). Wish Me Luck Thai (Sat ??). 

I’m traveling so I may not be able to watch the ones I already have in rotation, let alone track down the new babies. You on your own peeps, best of luck! 

Honestly Thailand, too many. You gotta stop now. We saturated. 

FULL October 2022 line up is here.

This week’s best moments?

The return of That Staircase in Eclipse! 

Tell us something we don’t know, Aye. 

Breaking news: Cute bit is very cute. 

Work from Heart: I just love the sniff test trope (AKA I like the way he smells) one of my favs. 

Although neck kisses are good too, thanks Ai Long Nhai. 

Activating seme agressive tendencies. 

Bisexual rep, yes please! 

And a direct address of drunk one night stand regrets. You’re doing well little pulp. 

Such boyfriends. 

The most seme line in a BL ever. 

(last week)

Current earworm? The Rose’s Sour 

[parallelroutes]

Munday Meme

2, 6, 7, 12, 14, 16, 17 and 18

— 2. Who are your longest rp friends? in 2008 i joined bulbagarden (forum from the pokemon wiki bulbapedia) and met a guy who also rped and had similar irl interests. i joined an rp forum with that guy in 2010, was in and out until he left in 2014 and we kept in contact. didn't rp after that, but we are absolutely still friends to this day and send each other pokemon things, talk about current fandoms, etc. probably my 2nd oldest friend i keep up with in general, tbh.

— 6. NOTP for your muse? tyl!byakuran/anyone LOL. in all seriousness, i really can't wrap my head around byakuran/uni in any romantic/nsfw sense… like even besides the massive age/experience gap from before, i only see them as emotionally close in a platonic sense?

i still enjoy poly tsuna/uni/byakuran from the trinisette trio flavor, but that's also kind of conditional and if tsuna wasn't there i don't think i can see it. imo, just not a dynamic that would exist without tsuna there, if that makes sense.

in other news, shoichi/byakuran isn't a NOTP so much as i'm just really tired of him being the Only one i see people ship with byakuran. they're just so much more fun as best friends? platonic soulmates? partners in crime? balance each other out, etc.

hmm. maybe i just struggle shipping with characters that knew him really well in TYL. funeral wreaths are a struggle too. a current!genkishi would be super difficult to make work but i did have an idea a long while back. BUT WAIT. gamma or spanner 👀

— 7. What are some similarities between you and your muse/muses? i am super weird too. independent. we both have terrible diets. i will eat 3 muffins in one day instead of lunch/dinner if i have them in my room. most obviously, adhd.

— 12. What’s one random headcanon about your muse that people mightn’t know? (at the end/under the cut)

— 14. What do you look for in a rp partner? for longer plots/threads/verses? i love people who can generally match my enthusiasm or come up with ideas or has enough time to talk about it here and there. also love it when partners can take a bit of initiative in keeping it going too.

for just small threads? anyone who reaches out, really. i like almost everyone lmao, rping is included.

— 16. Least favourite trope? i don't know if it counts as a trope but i just don't really like seeing how many people only focus on him in a very dominant role in ships? it's just preference. there is nothing wrong with it and it makes sense for TYL byakuran anyway, but it's a least favorite for sure. (it's in part because it's the only way i ever see in fanart. i am Tired just thinking about it.)

— 17. Are there any AU’s you’d like to explore but haven’t had the chance to yet? i have a specific immortal!byakuran fantasy au that i want to use as a verse someday but not sure if i'll have the chance tbh. might have talked about it before?

the tl;dr is he became a pseudo-deity with six others but was kicked out of the makeshift-pantheon a long time ago. he was stuck with his immortality/power and was left to wander the world like that.

— 18. Do you listen to music whilst writing? If so, what kind of music? i can only listen to music while writing if i loop one song and know exactly how it goes. usually it just ends up being either a song for the atmosphere or a song i'm currently addicted to. picking music gets distracting tbh.

moved 12 since it mentions nsfw. it's under the cut.

— 12. What’s one random headcanon about your muse that people mightn’t know? on account of not doing nsfw, i don't really mention it lol. i do have gray-asexual on there for this interpretation, but the ace part is really apparent. there is that he had more than enough abuse of that variety. now he just doesn't care, doesn't see a point, nonexistent drive. if i did any nsfw it would be focused on the partner bc i'm sure he'd remember how to Do Things like that from all those different lives.

the gray part is that i think he would try if thats what a partner wanted? i think he'd be okay if he trusts/loves someone enough (demiromantic) but probably not often.

would also like to mention you don't see me doing any nsfw on this blog because he is only 15 and 18 in the two main verses. that speaks for itself, i hope? i guess post-canon 10YL or college-age verse or something might work, but still not on tumblr.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, so uh no TW's here (i think), but just some general advice. although it's not related to trauma, the advice i've gotten from the mods here is great, so i'm hoping that's okay! but just in case; tl;dr i need some advice on an online friend situation. so over the past 2 years ish, i used to be on discord for a game i used to play at one point. i used to to talk with a lot of people there & made some good friends, but it's been a long time now and a lot of people have moved on with their lives and i'm not in touch with too many. however i've kept contact with one friend and we talked a lot over the last year. i've talked with him about all my irl issues and he knows about my traumas. we even call each other best friends. but here's the thing, i prefer to have a divide over my online and real life. in some sense, it gives me peace and keeps me sane because i have a history of feeling shitty using social media sometimes. although he has been on me on video call, i never show my face because i don't feel comfy doing it. and thing is, the guys not really mad. he's been upset over it sometimes, but he respects it. i've also not given out my personal number. however, due to real life situations, i have decided to completely get rid of social media and have been off it for a while now, like instagram & discord so on. my friend has my gmail, so they can contact me through that, but i barely get a chance to reply. i've not been in the best place mentally, and i have a habit of taking very long periods to reply. this morning i checked my email for some uni work and saw the emails voicing his concern. they talked about how i disappear and leave nothing for them to contact me, they don't know how i look like and they still call me my best friend. it wasn't a rude gmail, it was genuinely full of concern but he sounded disappointed. although it's my fault for not letting them know about my situation, i still feel very guilty about it and i'm having a hard time writing back to them. we last talked over a month ago on gmail. and i know it's not good at all, but i haven't had the energy to respond to them. my therapist has suggested that i remove my online persona altogether because she does not see me doing well with being online, but wants me to not hurt anyone else in the process. and i honestly want to do it, because social media is draining for me, and i do not want to talk to anybody online except those i have real life connections with. but i really do feel bad abt the fact that i might have cut them off too, although i feel like not being online at all really might do my mental health well, but i'm not sure how to convey this to them. the fact that i want nothing to do with them anymore or any online friend just for my own sake feels very selfish and wrong, especially because they're nowhere at fault, and they really look up to me and respect me, but somehow, i feel like online friends remain online friends and i cannot let my guard down to go beyond that, although they've expressed wanting to be in real life friends before. i don't have the heart to tell them that they're merely an online friend to me. i seriously don't want to be on social media anymore, but i don't want to hurt them either. i'd really appreciate some advice on how i can go about this. sorry its so long!! hope y'all have a good day.

Hi anon, 

Thank you for the kind words about previous advice and it’s absolutely alright to reach out about interpersonal relationship dynamics - hopefully any of the below might prove helpful, or at the very least, validating.

You shared that you have a firm boundary about online versus real life, and you’re certainly not alone in that regard - who is allowed access to us in any and all ways - is only something you get to decide for yourself.  Regardless if that boundary might shift as you further progress on your healing journey, or not, currently you sound sure of what you need and have taken the steps to advocate for those needs (yay!).  

Though it’s equally valid for him to share his concern for you and politely request alternative ways to stay in contact to nurture the friendship, the way I’m reading your ask is that you feel the relationship has reached its course?  I don’t think it’s talked about often enough, but friendships changing, shifting, or even ending, is just as significant as the romantic counterparts, and in my opinion, it’s understandable that the complexities of trying to navigate that ending feel no less draining than trying to maneuver through a romantic break up.

And though I think you are being kind and empathetic by trying to find the best way to honor your needs, while avoiding hurting his feelings, sometimes - unfortunately - it cannot be avoided.  I believe your responsibility is to you stating your boundaries, and honoring his personhood by being kind in your goodbye message, but in regards to whatever his feelings might be in response?  Those are for him to process and manage. 

Without knowing either of you, I certainly cannot state definitely how you, or him might feel about it, or what happens next - but I’d encourage a goodbye message just to help with the sense of closure for you both.  I’d imagine there’s a way to offer appreciation for what the friendship was during a specific time of your life, and affirmations and assurances that it’s nothing personal, but that this is what you need for yourself at this time.  Hopefully hearing it’s not them, but something you need for your own mental health, will allow them to accept your boundary with grace, and compassion.  However even if they do not, it would not mean that your boundary was not valid.  And you have options when it comes to level of access with this person - gray rock, blocking, etc.  

Regardless of what you decide moving forward, I wish you well.

Mod Kat

[josad-irl]

My burden and well maybe first and last post

welp, worth a try

Hi, I'm "J", 23 yo.

Guess this might be worth a try since I'm running out of options.

Background info: I have heavy depression, and got diagnosed with multiple personality disorder with a strong tendency towards BPD (Borderline). I never had consistent suicidal thoughts. They came impulsive during high trigger situations a few times.

Just half a year ago I had the best time of my life. I was clean from my 1 1/2 year long addiction to drugs. I had the best gf I could have ever wished for. I had fun at Uni. I had good friends. I was happy. Or so I thought. My BPD kept making the relationship go into a crisis. My gf had ADHD and quiet-borderline was to be diagnosed. But I never found out til this day if she actually has it. Well, now I don't have a gf, lost most of my friends, my heavy depression is back and either my emotions aren't available for weeks or they come back like a train hitting me straight on and make me cry and brake down into panic attacks multiple times daily. I can't sleep. I don't feel happiness. I cannot enjoy a single thing. I either eat too much at once or not at all. After the break up I got sent into a prison-like psychiatric clinic for 3 nights. It was the worst time of my life. I never before have truly felt the way I did back then. That is almost 3 months ago now. Afterwards got a place in a clinic for mental health which was rlly nice tbh. I had a nice room. Nice ppl. Got a nice therapist. After a few weeks therapy finally started to help and I felt emotionally more stable after my 2 months stay. Now I am "free" again. Two weeks have passed. I can't stop thinking about my ex and the friends who were in the same circle. They all keep in contact with her, but they never once came to visit me or texted me during my stay in the clinic. Not once. In two months. I had to text them. Now they all barely answer to my texts. I do still have some rlly good friends left. But somehow I can't get over the things I have lost. And I am still desperately in love with my ex partner. She was the best person I have ever met. But she has blocked me everywhere. My emotions were gone for the last 2 weeks of my stay in the clinic. They came back a week ago. Well rather they came back on my birthday. When the hope had rissen up that my ex would text me. But no, nothing. During my stay in the clinic we had an on/off thing. We met, we slept with each other. But suddenly she cut me off completely saying it over for ever. She realised we weren't good for each other and that was it. Well, my opinion was that we could heal through therapeutic help and try it again. But she never answer to that. That was the moment I went into shock and kinda lost all my emotions. As I said, these came back on my bday. Especially the last hour of it. I had a huge panic attack and a gigantic borderline trigger, where it felt like i was going insane. I tried to desperately contact her. But she blocked me off even in the last possible way I had to get into contact. She saw my calls, but she cut them off. That was it. My emotions finally got broken. Now i am sitting here and contemplating if its worth living, when my only two choices are being emotionally unavailable and basically just acting under a facade or to be emotionally broken and depressed to an extent where I am pretty close to taking my own life. I tried before but got stopped. I think this might be the time where I'll get it over with. Well. If neither a clinic, nor meds, nor my mum and not even my good friends can stop me from feeling and thinking this way...who can? Will this ever stop? I have been depressive for years. 4, maybe 5 years. My BPD is hindering my emotional stability. I don't know what to do. I think live is beautiful. And I know people can heal. I know time can heal. I know I should just cut contact and concentrate on the things I have. I learned so much in the clinic. I know others would take this opportunity to heal. Other ppl are strong. But I don't think I can. I am scared of myself. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of what anyone says. I am scared of what anyone thinks. I am scared of what I think. I am scared of what I can do. I am scared of what I could become. I am scared. I am broken. My trust is broken. My emotions are broken. And I have seen better days in these dark times. But they were always overshadowed. I give up. Maybe. Well....

"X", I love you. I hope you are able to heal. I hope you got the help you needed. I hope you will find the happiness that you deserve. You were the first person in my life that I could be myself around completely. The first person I ever truly loved. You helped me through heavy depression, addiction and pain. Now I hope you get the help you need and never have to feel the way I did or now do. I wish you all the best.

To anyone reading this: I hope your are having it better than me. I know this sounds weird for me to say, but... if your are going through somethings, ask for help. Someone will help. There is nothing more important than your mental health. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever challenges your are facing <3

If this isn't my last post, then something must have happened and well..I'll post an update then.

Maybe goodbye, maybe not.

J

[nemjun]

please tell me every detail of u and tsukasa because I am beyond obsessed with you two

would you believe I had 2 whole ass paragraphs written when i switched tabs and lost it all??? this is hell, tumblr is hell.

annyways YES OK SELFSHIP SATURDAY LETS GO, UNDER A CUT BC IM SHY AND IM GONNA BE RAMBLY. TLDR, summed up as Me and the Bad Bitch I pulled by Being Autistic

I GOTTA BE HONEST, tsukasa was not it for me when i first started the series, but i was also busy chewing furiously on senku bc he's Neat. but I was sunk after we found out about Mirai he loves her SO MUCH. big stronk man good with children is an instant K.O., i was smitten so quick.

Dr Stone is actually the first series i ever Blatently self inserted into! it was a really good fit and I felt that i could just, genuinely suit the story setting bc 1) ADHD has blessed me with sprawling random curiosities and an accumulation of trivial but Useful knowledge and 2) I literally studied archaeology for my B.A. and bc I live in Canada most of our archaeologoy is based on the Indigenous population who was still using stone technology when first contact with europeans occurred. random note for anyone who might be parusing, the 'ages of history' such as stone, bronze, and iron, didn't occur across all of civilization unilaterally, and the technology used by people is not an indication of civility or advancement of a social group. Anyways.

My real life plan for after I finished Uni was to go and teach english in asia! This didn't happed for various reasons, but it presents a good opportunity for bending realty into fitting me into the series, ehe. I genuinley think it would be really funny if I got revived by the Tsukasa empire by complete accident, busting outta the stone speaking minimal japanese and being a literal scientist by education - i was put here to cause problems on purpose. Tsukasa and I would absolutely start out as bumping heads, not quiet immediatley but as someone Anti smashing people and pro science it gets hostile fast. Arguments are conducted largely thru translations via Ukyo, who i quickly grow attached to as the only person capable of commincating in fluent english (we also have birthdays close together and I Adore that, we're birthday buddies, v cute stuff) I gotta sidetrack for a second bc as much as I love this series theres SO MUCH STUFF THAT JUST ISNT ADDRESSED AND I GET ITS JUST A MANGA BUT IM A WEIRDO. like, what about the bees??? they were just chill after having simbiotic relationships with humans for thousands of years?? sure y not. k sorry

I do wonder tho, if Tsukasa would see me as a threat to the stability of his Empire. Even with poor communication with the majority of the group, I've got a decent set of leadership skills and a lil bit of charisma, and who wouldn't like me really - esp with all the useful knowledge i can bring to the table (yes im hyping myself but its also true, i know how to do pottery and i've experience with stone tools & the types of stone you can use). I think even if he did, I'd really only get put in time out if I was causing problems, and like Taiju and Yuzuriha I might have someone keeping an eye on me. Thing's between me and Tsukasa start to change when we manage to find common ground, using him to practice japanese and finding out about his sister and his feelings about wealth etc - admittedly this was Not Well convayed in the anime, but when he's beaten up while getting seashells on the beach, the adult is yelling at him bc he doesn't want kids running around and stealing from 'his' beach. And his mom sucks too. I think that's something we could bond over, having lousy times growing up. I think he'd also be sensitive to the fact that I'm so far from Home and all my friends and Family, he's very thoughtful like that.

Man this is already reallly long and i dont feel like I've really said much, but I think when it comes down to it, Tsukasa and I just share a lot of the same values. He's strong and kind and good hearted, and that makes me feel safe. He's just very caretaker coded to me and after thinking about it the last few days, i think thats something I'm really looking for in a partner. I think I also balance him out a little bit, make him look at a bigger picture and slow down to enjoy simpler things. When we start to get along a little bit, I like to think that I'd accompany him on simple outings to forage or something, or maybe I'd be able to drag him away for a little while to show him something Neat, or getting to teach him something. He teaches me how to fight a little bit as well, so that I'm better able to take care of myself.

I think that's all I've got for now, but it's nice to sit and think about it and write it down, maybe I'll do a lil more writing over the next few days :3 OH I ALMOST FORGOT, i did a star chart love compatability thing and what I got to read for free was SO FUNNY like, he's enchanted by my whimsy lmao

[biscuitmd]

i feel lost - rant

there’s no stability in my life and i hate it -i finished everything i need to do with university. i’m only waiting for the government’s processes to pass so i can get my degree. i technically already have a job, and i only say technically because i feel like i shouldn’t be here? i did my internship in this company and they just told me to keep doing what i did, but i’m getting paid this time. don’t get me wrong i’m so happy to have this opportunity, it’s all online, it’s good money, but i can’t help but feel like i don’t deserve it. the company is super small, there’s no exact dates for anything and i’m having a hard time understanding that every month i’ll have a few days to do nothing. it’s during those days where i can’t help but wonder if they’ll never contact me again, i’m not under contract, it’s all freelance work but also not? something in between and it’s fucking me up tbh.  -my relationship is in shambles and i feel like i can’t do anything about that. it feels like i’ve done what i can and am only waiting for her to do her part as well. but also part of me feels like she doesn’t want to do anything. she’s not trying to better her situation whatsoever and the whole mess is dragging me down as well. -i want to do so much. i have so many dreams but i’m scared to just jump and do things. i wish i could care less and just go with the flow but i can’t, if i don’t have a stable plan, i collapse and i hate that. i wasn’t like this. -home life sucks too. i’m still living with my mother, can’t really move out cause the whole job thing is so not stable. we moved out and far from my father’s abuse almost 2 years ago, but my mother has completely spoiled my brother and enabled him so bad that he’s become a copy of my father. they’re the same, their abuse is the same but my brother uses this uwu voice when he says sexist and abusive shit to my mother so she thinks it’s cute or whatever. -on that note, no matter how much i despise my brother for being just like my father, i can’t help but want to help him in everyway i can (???) do i want to help him because truly want to? or do i want to help him because i feel obligated to since he is my younger brother? (and you know, toxic mexican family values) -also why is it that every time i feel lost i start thinking about all decisions i’ve made that changed the course of my life? (my coming out, the accident, my exes, my highschool choice, the time i dropped out of uni, my second uni choice, all the people i friended, the way i chose my courses, everything.) i hate it, but i can’t help it.  -i want a car, but also a bike. i want the freedom that comes with both but it’s so expensive and i also want to travel a bunch so wtf am i going to do with a car if i’m thousands of km away?  -part of me wants to run away and not tell a soul. not my family, not my friends, not my girlfriend, no one. my job is online and they have no way to contact my boss so i can disappear, people might not notice. -why can’t i believe in myself? people speak nicely of me but i feel like they’re lying, like they’re just saying those things to be nice and not hurt my feelings.  -i know my 13 year old self would love who i became but why do i not like myself? why don’t i know how to ask for help? why can’t i ask for help?  -i want to die, but have no desire of doing anything about it or against it. but at the same time i don’t want to put my friends through mourning. also would people really mourn me? am i important enough in their lives to mourn me? would they mourn me, as a person, or the things i could’ve done for them? would they really care if i’m gone?

[missmouse25]

Hi 'Anon' 😉 here it is! The last of your requests. Ironic that it was the first one you sent but it's the last one i wrote 😬 hope you enjoy!

Hello Neighbour - Max Fewtrell

gender neutral first person pov // 1625 words // um... drunk reader, friendship break-up, little bit swearing

---

“Hey, I’m with my parents again for a bit if you want to come over.”

The second his voice note ended, I was grabbing my belongings and heading out of the door. It wouldn’t even take me 5 minutes to get to his house yet still it felt like time wasn’t on my side. All we ever had were these fleeting moments when our paths crossed. I missed the days of simply showing up to his house, knowing that he’d be there.

Max had barely opened the door before I threw my arms around him.

“Oh my god,’ he said, catching me. “It’s good to see you too!”

He was exactly the same, baring the beard, but he felt the same, his bodywash was the same, his voice was the same.

Max was home.

“So, how’s uni life treating you?”

Max had dug a packet of chips out of the pantry and had poured 2 glasses of fruit juice for us – just like the old times.

“Well, I’m on holiday right now but I’m still busy. It just gets even busier during the term.”

“How much longer do you have to go still?”

“Six months. Six gruelling months.”

I playfully sunk down in my chair, almost slipping under the table. It made Max laugh.

“Speaking of the end,” I pulled myself back up. “Would you like to come to my graduation? I know it’s a while away still but…”

“I mean I'd like to but I’ll have to check my calendar. Send me the date later.”

I nodded. Though I’d hoped he’d say yes right away, it was enough that he was going to try.

~

For a few days after Max got back it felt like I was a kid once more; having him as my neighbour and just hanging out. But reality always comes back with a bite. Max left for his actual home and I eventually had to return to uni and our lives became busy again. I tried my best to keep contact with him again; sent life updates, memes.

I even found myself in Woking at one point and I wanted to meet up with Max but he never replied to the message I sent.

‘I’m sure he’s just pre-occupied,’ I thought to myself on the train ride home. ‘But what if… no, he wouldn’t purposefully ignore me. Would he?’

As the days turned into weeks then the weeks into months, the less I tried to contact Max. However, the more I pondered it, the more annoyed I became. Surely it wasn’t just up to me to keep our friendship alive? To make an effort?

“Are we even still friends?”

With 2 months to go until we graduated, my classmates and I had decided to just let loose; have a little fun before the last lap. So maybe I'd drunk too much already but it didn’t stop me from sipping something else as I recorded my voice note.

“All you have to do is say that you’re busy and I'd understand! But you seem to hate answering messages, you prick,” I continued my ramble. “We used to be like best friends. I’m mad at you now and I almost hate you!”

I leant back against the bathroom door with a sigh.

“You don’t need to come to my graduation. Not that you’d care anyways. Not like I supported you for all your victories and was there for you for all the loses. Screw it, Max. Don’t come! Don’t talk to me, I don’t care anymore! I’m glad we aren’t neighbours anymore because I don’t want to see your stupid face again.”

With one last deep breath, I said goodbye to Max Fewtrell and hit send on my message.

When I finally surfaced the next morning, the only reply from Max said: ‘If that’s what you want. Bye.’

~

“Is Max going to be joining us?”

I didn’t hear who at the table asked the question but to me the answer was obvious.

“It’s cause I’m here!” I loudly stated over the rest of the noise of the restaurant.

This was supposed to be a belated graduation celebration and I really didn’t want to be talking about Max now. Even though it was 2 months ago that we’d gone radio silent on each other, it still hurt to think about what happened and how it all ended.

“What, why not?” Nathan next to me asked, seemingly shocked by this development.

“We had a falling out,” I stated monotone. I didn't want to have to explain the entire situation again to someone else.

“Oh,” Nathan said. “I did think that it was weird that he wasn’t in any of your graduation photos.”

Willing the wine to give me strength, I took a sip.

“Can we not talk about it now?”

They must have heard how my voice was starting to strain. Maybe they were even seeing past the mask of a smile I was wearing.

“You’re right, sorry. This is a celebration,” someone said, raising their glass and everyone else followed suit.

I lifted my glass as my chest pulled tight.

‘He should’ve been here.’

~

The house was too quiet. Too big. Too empty. With my parents at work, it was just me and since I was on one last holiday before I committed to being a real adult, there was nothing for me to do.

Nothing except think – the worst thing to do. And boy did my mind race, thinking about everything that I’d done in my life and all the people I’d met. The people I’d lost.

‘Shit. I miss him so much.’

That was a thought that had been swimming around my skull for months now and it had caused several sleepless nights but I was yet to do anything about it. There was no way that Max would want to be my friend again after what I said to him. I basically had my drunken voice note memorized due to how many times I’d played it back, wishing time after time that I had just not been so stupid. I couldn’t blame everything that happened on Max; I could’ve told him how I was feeling and we could’ve worked together.

Instead, I had thrown a grenade into our friendship and blew it all up.

The ding-dong echoed through the rooms and it suddenly occurred to me that no one might be home. And that I had no idea what I was going to say if someone did open the door. There was no way that Max wouldn’t have told Aunty Louise about what happened and there was no way that she would be letting me back into her home.

I had just turned to walk away when I heard a voice behind me.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

I looked back to see Max standing in the now open doorway. He looked annoyed but I couldn’t blame him for that.

“I’m sorry.” Even as I said it, I knew it was feeble but it was all I had to go on right now.

“Sorry for what?”

“For… for what I said. I know that it doesn’t make anything better and I’m not expecting it to,” I said, the words flowing freely now. “I just… Honestly, I didn’t expect you to be here but I’m glad you are. Because I can tell you face to face that I have missed you and I was a really stupid and terrible friend. There were a thousand better ways to go about what was happening and I picked literally the worst one.”

Max remained expressionless.

“You… you just had to hear that from me. You don’t have to forgive me or anything but at least now I can go to sleep at night knowing that I told you how I feel.”

He said nothing and I took that as my cue to leave. With one last nod, mostly to reassure myself that I’d done the right thing, I stepped away.

“Do you want to come inside? I think Mum has some fruit juice in the fridge that we can have.”

Max stepped aside and gestured for me to join him.

With my heart beating faster, I walked in.

~

Max’s voice come clearly through the screen; it was nice to see his face even if it was only on a stream.

He’d been back in Woking for a while now but things were much good between us. I was hopeful that it might even become better than it was before our fight.

“’What are your plans for new year’s?’ Um…” Max leant back in his chair and stretched his arms over his head. “A couple of us are planning on maybe going to Dubai. Enjoy the warm weather and all that.”

I rolled my eyes at that. It wasn’t just about the warm weather; it was somewhere that we’d all agreed on. Surprisingly. I continued with my work and listened to Max. It almost felt like having him right next to me.

“’Is your neighbour friend going with you?’ How do you guys even… Never mind, let’s not get into that.”

I tried to stay focused on what was in front of me but attention was solely on what he was going to say next.

“Yeah. Neighbour friend is coming with. We… had a bit of a rough patch but it’s ok now. It’ll be nice to spend time with them again.”

I breathed out and decided to be an annoyance. Quickly I snapped a picture of my laptop screen and sent it Max with the caption ‘Hello Neighbour!’

Only a few minutes later was Max laughing softly at his phone before he looked into the camera.

“Hello neighbour.”

[melaschnie]

[Here are some tips and things to keep in mind for going back to uni this autumn! I know that some (me included) have already started going to school/uni in person again, but I think for a lot of people the next semester is still a few weeks away and this might be helpful :)]

[the transcript is below the cut]

Going back to uni after lockdown

What effects has social distancing for over 1.5 years had on us?

Being isolated from our social circle and having little to no social life comes with many negative psychological effects, such as exhaustion, anxiety, irritability, poor concentration, or symptoms of depression.

Being isolated for so long also negatively affects our social connectedness, which is one of the most important factors that influence psychological well-being.

1: Keeping up with current regulations / safety measures

Just because we will finally be able to get back to uni for lectures sadly doesn’t mean that the pandemic is over. So make a point to still keep up with federal and local rules.

Your university will most likely have its own rules on what is allowed on campus, e.g., you might only be allowed to sit at a table with two people. Because the number of people who are allowed to attend a lecture in person might be limited, make sure to regularly check your student e-mail for updates on what your university has planned for the upcoming semester!

2: Checking in and reaching out to others

For some, staying at home might have been relaxing, while others experienced it as very stressful (e.g. due to family). What you can do to help others move forward, as a first step to ease back into socialising, is reach out to them. Maybe you can go and have lunch together sometime soon!

There might be people you haven’t spoken to since the beginning of the pandemic, but who says that you won’t enjoy spending time with them now as much as you did then?

If you are hesitant about conversation being awkward just remember: everyone will understand, you are not alone in this.

3: Reframing of negative thoughts

When reaching out to people, not getting an immediate response is always a possibility. Maybe there still isn’t one a week later. Did I annoy them? Do they not want anything to do with me?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone with those thoughts. Sometimes it is better to take a step back and ask yourself if there is a concrete reason for your worries. Are you overanalysing the situation? Most likely the slow response has nothing to do with you at all! Just send a follow-up text and be patient - who knows what’s currently going on in the other person’s life.

4: Easing back into socialising

After a long time of not meeting in person, many people experience socialising as incredibly exhausting. You can limit this by taking small consistent steps before going back to university, for example: texting, (video) calls, meeting another person for a limited time (e.g., lunch), spending an evening with a group of friends.

Just remember to be patient with yourself (and others!) and don’t try to push too hard too fast. By gradually building up to meeting larger groups of people, you can avoid being overwhelmed on the first day back at university, but it is fine if you still feel that way - everyone experiences this situation differently.

5: Be mindful and respect boundaries

This is something that applies as much to yourself as it does to others. Everyone was affected differently by the pandemic, so it is important to be mindful of others’ boundaries. If they are not comfortable sitting together closely during a break, that’s fine.

Don’t be hesitant to communicate it if you’re the one who is uncomfortable in a situation; just like you should respect others’ feelings, they should respect yours and act accordingly.

Tip: To make sure everyone knows who is fine with what in terms of closeness, you could clarify it via text first to avoid awkward situations.

6: Open and honest conversation

You have heard it before and you will hear it again: conversation is key. Make it an open and honest conversation, so you can be sure that everyone is on the same page.

Talking about your concerns openly will help relieve the anxiety that you or others might be dealing with. It also increases social support because others will probably be experiencing similar feelings. You’ll be there to reassure each other along the way and find solutions for what worries you.

7: Social and institutional support

If you are feeling like you need someone to talk to apart from your friends or family, take a look at your university’s website! Some offer free counselling sessions to their students. Also, student organisations in your city can often provide you with a direct contact to a psychologist or psychiatrist if the need arises. 

Take them up on these offers, these people are being paid to help you to the best of their abilities. Sometimes, opening up to a stranger is easier than anything else.

8: Don’t forget about the basics!

And then there are the things you should always do before going back to uni. Do you need to look for a job? Get new books? New stationery? Do it.

Many students also need to move back to the city they are studying in. After a long time of living in a different place, for example, if you’ve moved back in with your parents, it can be time-consuming to pack everything back up or look for a new place to live in.

Give yourself enough time before classes start again, so you don’t end up more stressed than you already are!

9: Help maintain a safe environment

Lastly, there are three general things you can do to help maintain a safe learning environment for everyone:

1. If you can, go and get vaccinated!

2. If you can’t (yet), please consider getting tested regularly.

3. Wear a mask and wash your hands.

(Obviously, all three points depend on a lot of other factors, such as incidence numbers, how many people are already vaccinated, or your country’s policy on offering tests to the population. This is not meant to pressure you into anything, these are simply things that have been proven to help keep virus transmission to a minimum.)

Thank you for reading! I hope everyone stays safe and has a great start of the new semester!

[wizkiddx]

heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now. 

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too. 

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy. 

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English. 

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response  Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke. 

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that. 

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her. 

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest. 

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over. 

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language. 

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly. 

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak. 

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing. 

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly. 

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors. 

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest. 

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay. 

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together. 

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions. 

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately. 

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” 

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it. 

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.” 

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction. 

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat. 

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed  his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees. 

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips. 

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous. 

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

[jasontoddiefor]

If you’re still doing those short number/ship things, I’d love number 5 with Obikin

5. one night stand and falling pregnant au + obikin

Anakin is trans bc it’s pride month.

Anakin had always been a little careless, a little reckless, determined to show the world his teeth and bloody knuckles, let them know his name. He knew his behavior had worried his friends and family for the longest time. Hell, Anakin had fallen in with a bad crowd when he was younger, still aching for the sky, and thinking that maybe they could fix him.

It had taken a bit too long for him to learn there was nothing to be fixed, that he was whole as he was, perfectly flawed and human.

He’d built himself up from the ground again, one step at a time, therapy, a stable job in the field he’d actually done his degree in, a small apartment he loved.

Staring out of his kitchen window, Anakin sighed, as he watched the families on the street below go about their days. Technically speaking, Anakin was supposed to be at work as well, but he’d called in sick. He’d have to go back to work tomorrow. His boss would be understanding if he just explained the situation, Kit was nice like that, but Anakin didn’t want to waste another day indecisive. Deadlines, stress, and pressure helped Anakin get things done, and he definitely needed to finally write that stupid email.

He looked back at his laptop where his half-written email was still taunting him.

From: a.skywalker@/gmail.com To: o.kenobi@/uni-coruscant.com Subject: That One Saturday at Outlander

Dear Obi-Wan Kenobi,

I’m sorry I’m messaging you via your university account, but I didn’t have your phone number and this was the only way I could think of contacting you. My name is Anakin Skywalker, we met a couple weeks ago at the Outlander bar. I’m writing you concerning ????

The possibility of having a child. That is related to me.

Remember how we had sex and totally used a condom yeah

Concerning im pregnant??? Real good skywalker

At least we weren’t drunk and consenting adults?

My sister yelled at me for sleeping w/ her lit proferssor by the way

I haven’t had a stable relationship in years how do you feel about co parenting a baby in like 7 months

Oh my god I don’t even know if I want to keep the baby

I figured this out like 2 days ago. Do you, by chance, have any bastards running around and experienced this movie clichee situation and can tell me how we should advance

OKAY ALSO LIKE how was I supposed to know you were Ahsoka’S literature professor???? She called you like Old and you’re NOT

There’s a book about this exact dumbass scenario I’m sure

Bet you sleeping with cis guys never results in a problem like this.

Call mom????

Padmé has a business degree she could write this for me

I fucking hate emails

Hi, I’m pregnant, it's yours, and, as you can tell by the bullet points of whatever the fuck I should write here, slightly freaking out

Would you be amendable to meeting up? My phone number is 0171 3982733 if you prefer communicating via text.

Kind regards,

Anakin Skywalker

Groaning, Anakin shoved his laptop away from him. How could this possibly be so difficult? Informing a random attractive one night stand of the consequences of their actions should not disrupt him so.

“Or what do you think?” Anakin asked his cat out loud. Threepio only purred in exchange when Anakin began to pet the anxious rescue cat. He had definitely sensed that something was wrong with Anakin lately, sticking close to him and snuggling up to him even more than usual. The cat’s antics at least brought a smile to his face.

“Come here,” Anakin said and, as if understanding him, Threepio promptly walked closer to Anakin.

Across his laptop.

Hitting all kinds of keys.

Anakin turned as white as a sheet as his drafted email suddenly disappeared from the screen.

“Oh, no, no, no,” he muttered, stood up from his chair so quickly that it clattered to the ground, startling Threepio so badly that the cat rushed away. “Oh, no. Please just be deleted, please just be deleted.”

Anakin pulled up his email window again, and there, sitting accusingly in the sent messages box, was his email.

Successfully delivered to one Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He was so screwed.

[celestialrry]

more than a melody

7k (longest I’ve done so far!)

summary: You and Harry are roommates, and he finds himself crushing on you, even though he really shouldn't be. (college!harry au)

warnings: nothing, just incredibly cute 

When Harry had put out a listing for a roommate for his apartment, he remembered putting how he didn't prefer the gender of his roommate, and well, because he was a boy and he lived in a heterosexual-normative world, he had assumed another boy would contact him. 

That is where it went a little off-course. You had approached him where you both worked, the record store (Harry had just gotten the job a few weeks ago), and you had asked about it. The two of you talked about it for a while, and after you toured the flat, you both decided you would be his new roommate and move in that week. Of course, you were cautious about moving into a flat with a man you barely knew, however charming he may be. You had watched enough Criminal Minds to be rightfully nervous, and it seemed Harry read your mind when he gave you his friends numbers, Sarah and Mitch, to talk about it. You had met up with them, and your worries had soon faded away, and well, you had a lock on your bedroom door. 

Once you had moved in, over the next few weeks the two of you had made a little routine. You both had morning shifts at the shop, Wednesday through Saturday, and morning classes almost every other day of the week but Sunday. It started when the two of you had a shift you needed to get to and found yourselves standing in front of the only bathroom in the apartment.

“G’morning.” Harry mumbled blearily, and you responded the same, trying not to look anywhere but his face, as he was clad in only a pair of black briefs and a black t-shirt. You checked the time on your phone and cursed in your head, only 15 minutes until you needed to leave to get to work. “Let’s just brush our teeth together really fast and then we can do everything else after, yeah?” You had suggested, to which Harry agreed and opened the bathroom door for you to walk in first. As he walked in, he grabbed his pink toothbrush out of the plastic holder and after putting toothpaste on it and wetting it, he began to brush his teeth. You found it ironic that the man who solely wore black skinny jeans and band t-shirts had a pink toothbrush, but found it slightly adorable. 

You grabbed your green one and did the same, and soon deciding to multi-task. You reached around Harry’s torso for your hair brush, and brushed through with one hand, the other still brushing your teeth. Suddenly Harry felt as if he should be doing something else too, and decided to simply run a hand through his curls, that were beginning to reach his shoulder, as brushing them out would make it far worse.

He then began to run the water and spit out his toothpaste, cupping a hand and filling it with water, bringing it back up to his mouth and swishing it around before spitting it out again. As he reached for the little folded hand towel on the counter he used for this and patted his mouth, you did the same as him. 

It happened nearly every morning, you would both say a quiet good morning, then brush your teeth together in silence, and of course, Harry ended up putting on pants before the restroom, but his shirt had been lost along the way. It was never awkward or anything, and you oddly got a lot of joy by seeing him almost every morning. On this particular day you had stayed up until 4 a.m. studying for a test you had in the morning, and Harry had picked up an extra shift at the record store because a co-worker had called in sick. As you both walked into the restroom, Harry watched as you began to brush your teeth and close your eyes for a minute while doing do, swaying a bit so you won’t fall down. 

It was painstakingly obvious you were tired, but Harry found your actions endearing. He was able to freely look at you because you couldn’t see him, obviously. You looked adorable, mouthful of toothpaste, and your arm wrapped around your waist. He just wanted to kiss you all over your face to wake you up and- he shook his head, eyes darting back to himself in the mirror. He couldn't think like that. He barely knew you, and you lived together.

It wasn't like the two of you never talked, when you had work together you would usually switch off drivers and carpool.  But not once had you had a conversation truly getting to know one another and its already been 2 months. Harry had yet to see you as friend, not because he didn’t want that of course, hell, he wanted to get to know you more than anything, but neither of you had yet to suggest bonding time. 

When you both were done brushing your teeth, you had splashed water on your face in an attempt to wake up a bit more. It didn’t work as you pat your face dry and sighed, looking into the mirror at your puffy eyes, rubbing them a bit with a pout.

Harry was positive it took everything out of him not to wrap you in a massive hug and and kiss the pout off of your lips. This would be the death of him.  He immediately turned away, walking back out and into his room to calm down. This was just a harmful crush that would go away in weeks time, he was sure of it.

                                                        ✧˖*°࿐

Harry was wrong.

About a week later, the two of you had yet to connect, but every time he laid eyes on you, he wanted you more than anything he could possibly think of. It was terrifying, but it had been a while since he felt this way for anyone. It was like he was in the honeymoon stage of a crush, but instead of it being bliss, it was embarrassment every time he opened his mouth.

Harry was utterly tongue-tied every time he spoke around you and his cheeks flushed a pink tint. Luckily for him, it seemed you were absolutely oblivious to it.  You were so oblivious, in fact, that you thought he didn't even like you as an acquaintance or roommate, considering he rarely ever spoke to you.

Things would soon change for the better, you both hoped, and eventually you got tired of waiting. “Harry?” You asked one morning, after you spit out your toothpaste and wiped your mouth. 

He stoped running his hands through his hair and his head almost snapped towards you. “Yeah?” He asked, pretending like his heart wasn't beating out of his chest.  He was actually quite afraid you would see it, as he wasn't wearing a shirt this morning, or any other morning after he has started wearing pants and well, it took a while for you to not drool after you saw his bare front, littered with tattoos, on his chest, tummy, shoulders and arms. It really didn't help that his abs were prominent, and every time he leaned down to wash his face, you could see his back muscles ripple under his skin-

“Um,” You shook yourself out of the trance you had gotten into and continued. “We should like, hangout and actually get to know each other-you don’t have to at all-but I mean, I wanna get to know you, we’re living together, you know?” You suggested, trying to calm yourself down and accept the response of “I don't want to.”

Instead, Harry had bit his bottom lip to stop his smile from reaching his ears and he nodded. “I-I think we should too, when, um, I mean, uh, what do y’wanna do?” He mentally cursed himself for stumbling over his words, he was such a fool.

You hesitated for a second, looking down his body involuntarily as your gazed reached the floor. “We could just make food together and then have dinner here one night? When are you free?” You said, looking back up at him. 

He flushed as your eyes ran up and down his body. He didn't feel insecure, just a little more exposed than he should. He was shirtless in front of you all the time, it truly made no difference and you didn't seem to mind. “Um, yeah, that sounds really good, I-I can do tomorrow night actually,” He spoke slowly, his arms wrapping around himself. “What would y’like to eat? I can go to the store this afternoon.”

“Oh! Perfect, Saturday night is free for me too,” You grinned. “I really don’t care, as long as its decently easy to make, you choose.”

He confirmed a meal with you before nodding and stepping out to change before walking into the kitchen to grab his car keys and waiting for you. It was his turn to drive the two of you to work. You popped out in some jeans and a t-shirt, grinning at Harry as he opened the front door for you. 

Today was already off to a great start, he thought as he watched you hop in his car and ramble about some new artist you had found called Edward Rags. What a stupid name, Harry Styles thought. 

Soon enough it was Saturday night, and you had both agreed there was no need to dress nice, you’ve already seen each other in pajamas so there was no point, and you showed up in pajama shorts and a t-shirt, whereas Harry went for sweatpants and a t-shirt as well. He had turned on his playlist, with an awful lot of older music and you both started cooking dinner, singing along to some parts and moving around to others. 

The two of you had talked about family, what you were both studying in uni, friends, what you did in your free-time, and got into a particularly long conversation about how you believed the Notebook, the book, was astronomically better than the movie. Harry disagreed, and tried to keep himself civil without popping a vein in his neck. “It’s a cinematic masterpiece!” He had exclaimed, resulting in you rolling your eyes, and going back to stir the food in the pot. “The best movie in the world would be nowhere near as good as the best book in the world, Harry.” God, he loved the way his name sounded coming from your mouth, imagine what it would sound like if you moa- another head shake. Harry’s imagination was getting out of control. 

Before he had the chance to respond, Jealous Guy by Donny Hathaway started playing and you looked over at Harry with a large smile on your face. “I love this song.” You simply said, turning back to the pot. Harry mustered up the courage and tapped you on your shoulder, his hand out, and body partially bowed. “Would y’care for a dance?” He asked, his dimples showing. 

You grinned and took his hand as he brought the two of you into a slow dance. 

I was dreaming of the past,

And my heart was beating fast.

I began to lose control, 

I began to lose control.

The two of you swayed to the song, looking at each other resulting in the two of you bursting out laughing. His hand held yours up, with his hand lightly placed on your waist. “I’m just a jealous guy.” You both softly sang, grinning wide. After more laughs and singing along, the song was over, and harry let go of your hand, his own slowly moving from your waist. He would give anything to kiss you he was sure, but instead opted to comment on your dancing skills and received a swat to the bicep.

Soon, dinner was made, and the two of you sat at the dining table for four, talking about everything you both could possibly think of. It was never awkward, which you were extremely grateful for, and after a few hours, it seemed as though the two of you had known each other for years. You had found yourselves sitting on the couch, facing each other, your legs on top of his, and his arm resting on your knees. 

“So once I’m more stable I’m gonna ask to have Evie, she loves me way more too, how would you feel about living with a cat?” Harry asked, his eyes boring into your own. If he could paint, he was positive you would be the only thing he ever painted. 

“I’d love that, I can’t wait to meet her.” You smiled, yawning. Harry took notice of your yawn and looked at the clock. Almost 12 a.m.. “We should probably get to bed.” he suggested, moving his arm off of your legs, allowing you to swing your legs off of his own. You nodded, yawning once again, Harry catching it and yawning after you. You laughed a bit, and stood up, stretching before facing Harry, who now stood in front of you. 

“Okay,” You said, looking up at him, “Goodnight Harry, I had a lot of fun.” You said, about to turn around. “Me too,” He said, hesitating a bit before wrapping his arms around you in a hug. Your eyes widened, you weren't expecting a hug, but after feeling it, you wouldn’t want anything else. “Goodnight, sweet dreams.” He mumbled, pulling away slightly and then gently pressing a kiss to your forehead. You smiled and the two of you parted ways, walking to your respective rooms. Little did the other know, the two of you were both feeling the same way.

                                                       ✧˖*°࿐ 

It had been a couple months since that dinner, and it was safe to say the two of you had grown incredibly close. Harry seemed to always find a way to touch you, whether it be grabbing onto your hand to drag you somewhere, putting his hand at the small of your back to guide you through a crowd, making sure his thigh touched your own whenever the two of you sat next to each other, or wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you walked somewhere. He just wanted to be near you, and you felt the same. You could call him one of your best friends and he could do the same. Now that he knew you though? It just made his little crush a thousand times worse, and he found himself thinking of you more than anything else throughout the day.

In addition to wanting to feel you all the time, after he kissed you on the forehead, he quite literally got addicted to kissing you. All over your face, he had kissed your cheeks, nose, but never your lips. He found himself thinking about that a lot, what it would be like to actually kiss you. If he enjoyed kissing your cheeks this much, he knew that if he kissed you on your lips, he would never stop. But his consciousness stopped him from making a move, because the two of you were roommates. What happened if you started dating, then broke up? The two of you would have to move out, and make what would just be a breakup, so much worse. 

It never stopped him from daydreaming though. He had picked up another extra shift at the record shop on Sunday, the day the two of you were both free, and was driving back to the flat, where he knew you would be studying. He passed all the familiar buildings, until one shop caught his eye. A flower shop, and in front of it there were bouquets of all sorts, but the sunflowers entranced him. He quickly got into the other lane and turned into the parking lot, getting out and making his way to the shop. He looked at the sunflowers, and thought of you. You were probably frustrated because of your class and scrunching your nose at the questions you didn't know the answer to. But you were like his sunflower, bright and beautiful, and the flowers might help your frustration. He grabbed the bouquet and paid for it, driving back to the flat with the flowers in his passenger seat. 

He opened the door, bouquet behind his back, where he saw you on your laptop on the couch, running your hands through your hair. “Hey lovie, what’s goin’ on?” He asked, walking up to you. You sighed, looking up at him from your uncomfortable position on the couch. “Studying for this stupid test that really doesn't matter, but apparently to Professor Eden it matters a lot.” Harry pouted at your distress and brought the flowers into view. “M’sorry, let’s take a break. Also, thought this would cheer y’up a bit, they reminded me of you.” He mumbled, looking anywhere but you. 

Your eyes widened as you saw the sunflowers and tears of overwhelming emotions threatened to spill out of your eyes. You scrambled up and took them out of his large hand, gently placing them down on the coffee table before practically jumping on Harry to give him a hug. “Oh my god H, thank you. You’re too sweet.” You said, pulling away from the hug to kiss him on the cheek. He flushed and just smiled, telling you it was no big deal.

You had put the flowers in a vase and set them on the kitchen counter, and during the next few days, you couldn’t stop the smile on your face when you saw them. On Tuesday you got back from your morning class around lunch time, and walked in the flat to see Harry in a t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, baking what looked like cupcakes, and humming to some song that was playing that he had showed you about a week ago.

“Harry? Whatcha doing?” You asked, and he jumped, turning around to see you setting your bag on the counter. “Jesus,” He said your name. “Scared the living’ shit outta me. M’just baking cupcakes, felt kinda cupcakey today.” He shrugged, going back to frosting them with yellow icing. “Cupcakey?” You raised a brow at the term.

“Cupcakey.” he confirmed, giving you a dimpled grin.

You just nodded and walked up to sit on the stools the two of you had placed at the counter, facing Harry and watching him look down at the dozen cupcakes, his tounge sticking out a bit in concentration as he carefully made swirls of icing. 

“Can I try some?” You asked, sticking your finger out so he could put a dollop of icing on your finger. He looked up and nodded, doing as you expected him to before getting back to work. You looked at the untouched icing on your finger before looking back at Harry, your brain encouraging you to put it on the tip of his nose. You grinned to yourself and called his name, and as soon as he looked up you reached your finger out and wiped the icing on his nose. His eyes widened and crossed a bit as he looked down to his nose then to you. You laughed, and he thought it sounded like the most gorgeous melody in the world.

“You’re gonna regret that, love.” He said, wiping a bit of the icing off his nose but not all of it. You just laughed again, your eyes closing for a split second, and in that split second, Harry had gently pulled you off the stool and taken you back into the kitchen. “No! Please, please, I’m sorry.” You laughed, begging as he held you tight by the waist and used his other hand to hold the piping bag, slowly starting to squeeze it and holding it above your face. “Are you really? Doesn’t seem like it, pet.” He teased, the icing coming out of the cut plastic. 

You shook your head and looked up at him, spotting the icing on his nose. “Let me make it up to you.” You said, holding onto his arm that was holding the weapon of sunshine-colored icing. 

“How?” He asked, raising a brow. You leaned up and pecked his nose getting most of the icing off, before licking it off your lips quickly. He froze, and your eyes widened. He didn’t want that, you thought. As you opened your mouth to apologize he dropped the piping cone onto the counter and held your jaw with his free hand, leaning in and finally kissing you. Your lips slotted perfectly with his and he never wanted to stop. When the two of you pulled away his cheeks flushed, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked-”

You cut him off by kissing him once more. “It’s okay. Better than okay, actually.”

He smiled wide and kissed you once more, “M’never gonna get tired of this, Sunflower.”

[beyoncesdragon]

title: catch up now? 

× pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Interviewer!Reader, old friends from highschool kinda stuff, abandoned but maybe rediscovered love on both sides. 

× summary: Three years are a long time. In three years, many things can and will change. But three years hadn’t been quite enough to change how two people feel about each other. 

× warnings: a little teeny bit angsty but it’s nothing, really. Mainly fluff, some flustered, overly eager Gguk and old memories coming up. 

× wordcount: 2k

× a/n: Not gonna lie, this might be one of my favourite pieces I've ever written. I really hope you enjoy this too! it’s somehow inspired by ‘Love Maze’ (BTS) and also ‘50 Proof’ (eaJ). Will probably not have a pt.2

main masterlist | bts masterlist

When he had read the name of the interview host - or hostess more like - Jungkook had already felt the familiar tingle in the pit of his stomach that he had thought had disappeared over the course of time. Yet, he wasn’t surprised that it was still there.

He had however not dared to hope that it could actually be you, there sure were other people called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who has pursued their dream of becoming an interviewer, media person, whatnot. He didn’t even know if you had actually graduated uni and made it in the job, hence he hadn’t seen any of you in about four years of him debuting now. He had occasionally checked out your Instagram or Twitter, yet he shied away from following you on any social media platform. You weren’t really public about your work or personal life on both, you mainly retweeted stuff (he found out about your love for Bingsu and Makgeolli ice cream like that) and posted a few selfies or landscapes. He hoped that you had been able to pursue your dream of traveling around for a bit, in South Korea and outside of it. Though again, he didn’t know.

Jimin was seated right in front of him and Jungkook couldn’t help but nervously play with his hyungs honey blond dyed hair. Jimin chuckled surprised yet amused about his open display of nervousness and turned around slowly.

“Everything okay, Jungkook-ah? You seem more nervous than usually.” He remarked, making Namjoon look over to the maknae in wonder. “He does, right? I thought so too. Did something happen?” Jungkook only shook his head.

Not yet, he thought to himself.

The cameras around them started to blink all at once, the light has been set up correctly and the camera and sound team had settled down around them in the dark. Manager and publicists stood somewhere in the back, swallowed up by the dark. The only person that was missing still, was you. Or the person called (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Jungkook tried to tell himself.

Suddenly there was a soft laugh from somewhere off the scenes and his heart tripped over its own beat and finally, finally, you stepped into the light.

You looked pretty as ever, grown into your features entirely, like a lotus flower finally in full bloom. Jungkook had to swallow dry. The light coral red of your lip balm complimented your skin and the subtle almost invisible make up you wore, accentuated your already beautiful features even more. You hadn’t changed your hair much, but it was a bit longer and looked so soft in the bright light. His eyes almost subconsciously darted to your fingers, searching for evidence of a possible relationship. He was almost ashamed how quickly he ended up thinking about this, his own boldness making him even more flustered. (There was no formal looking ring on your ringfinger though, to his relief.)

There was a warm smile on your lips as you bowed deeply to them all, greeting them respectfully. The boys returned your greeting immediately and a bunch of annyeong haseyo-s sounded through the studio. Jungkook felt Namjoon look over at him again, a piercing gaze Jungkook knew he wouldn’t be able to withstand if he met it. So he just kept looking at everything but Namjoon...not that this was hard to do when you were right in front of him.

“Thank you so much for being here with us.” You said with a smile, looking at everyone with the same look of respect and polite distance. Like you were supposed to, at work, as a professional. Like you didn't know them personally. Everyone, including Jungkook.

He felt his heart drop to his stomach. Could it be that you...forgot about him? It couldn’t really be, right? How would you actually be able to, you really...in this moment your eyes crossed again and something flickered in your eyes, a facade crumbled for a few seconds only. It was an amused twinkle, like a cheeky wink and a minimal curl of your lips. 

Acknowledgement.

And Jungkook’s heart did multiple flips, breath caught in his throat and eyes widened.

You had started with the questions, keeping the conversation light and flowing. The vibe in the room was comfortable and built up on mutual respect - yet Jungkook felt as if he was sitting on red-hot needles. He wanted to talk to you, ask about how you had been, what you were doing (if you had a boyfriend) if you were happy, if you got a cat, how your mother’s little business was going (he’d anonymously purchased countless items, to support your family), if your favourite colour still was cyan blue and your still religiously bought Pajeon and Makgeolli on rainy days, if you ever spent a second of your day thinking of him (because he did).

Him, your somewhat ex-best friend from highschool, him, the one you spent hours talking to in the ungodly hours of the morning, him who you had lost your first kiss to (though lost wasn’t the right word: you gave it to him more like). Him who you had poked fun of when the first girl approached him in his Rookie days and he’d been flustered to no end.

Him, who had promised to you that he wouldn’t abandon your friendship and yet the two of you drifted apart anyways.

Not for the lack of trying on either side though. Jungkook’s schedule had just become even fuller, his nights shorter, training longer and fans more obsessive. And you had seen each other less often, greetings were shorter and late night talks turned into good night wishes over text quicker.

You on your part weren’t mad, a little disappointed maybe. Sad for sure, but not mad. After all, you had expected it to turn out like that. So had the rest of your little circle, Haneul, Hwang, Kyong and Myunghee. Whilst the five of you had supported Jungkook on his journey with all you’ve got, you all tried to overcome the obvious pain of him drifting off.

Some (mainly Hwan and Kyong) with working harder in school for example. You did that too, but sometimes you also partied a little harder, were awake at three AM a little more often, missed him a lot more. It hurt letting someone you love go.

Jungkook and you had always been a bit...closer. Why you didn’t know, how you couldn’t possibly explain. But you were and him rising into the heights and new dimensions of being an idol destroyed this almost completely. This strange world of fame, those walls of flashing cameras, the flow of expensive goods and seas of screaming people, that was his world. He was a star, figuratively and somewhat literally. He shone more radiant, higher, longer, prettier and too bright for an innocent, young love to coexist.

So you stayed behind, soon having lost his number due to him having to change it, his contact information soon had less to say than what you could find on the internet.

His new hair colour? Well, you could google it. Height? Current weight? Several fan sights knew the answer. Achievements? The internet again.

 It was strange, ridiculous to some extent. And it hurt. But you couldn’t blame him, so you never did.

⋄

When you had heard that you would be interviewing BTS last week you could help but feel scared. You hadn’t seen him face to face for three or so years, three years with no FaceTime, texting, three years of not seeing his bunny smile, smiled just for you.

And when you had seen him again, laid eyes on him for the first time in thirty-five months, you realised that nothing you ever felt for him had faded away. It was all the same again, your heart still jumped in your chest and your stomach still fluttered whenever he did as much as breathing. The only thing that had changed was his height and him having had the biggest glow up you had witnessed in your life, yours included – though this Jungkook would disagree vehemently. 

This Jungkook who got pulled out of his thoughts and memories almost violently, as you directed a first question at him only.

“I…” he started, gulping hardly, having forgotten the question already halfway.

“Sorry I can’t – how have you been?” you stopped shortly, stunned and a tad confused at first. You hadn’t expected him to be so bold. Or clumsy, for that matter. Yet you couldn’t help but giggle, and all the unsaid words and ignored truths between the two of you disappeared into smoke, taking all tension with them. Just like that.

“I’ve been fine, Gukie. Busy. Long-time no see, hm. How about you?” somewhere behind the cameras someone dropped a pen and there were multiple gasps being heard. The rest of the bangtan boys didn’t look any better; Jimin had his mouth open, Taehyung was looking back and forth between the two of you, Yoongi just froze, Jin and Hoseok had clasped their hands in front of their mouths and Namjoon just looked like someone poured a bucket of ice water over his head.

But Jungkook? Jungkook was smiling widely, his bunny smile, smiled just for you. 

“Busy too. Yes, very long time no see.” He replied sheepishly, a small laugh escaping his lips as he looked around the dead silent studio. “Why…how do you know each other?” Yoongi finally asked, eyes snapping back and forth between the two of you.

“Well I guess we have to tell them now. We know each other from back in Highschool. We were pretty close friends back then.” You explained softly, giving him a small smile. Jungkook nodded quickly. “My apologies. I didn’t wanted to completely ruin the interview but…I haven’t seen you in three or so years. Sorry.” You waved it off. “It’s okay, Jungkook. We will catch up later, alright?” Jungkook nodded, making the mistake of looking over to Namjoon, who looked like he finally understood everything. “Is that why you were so…never mind.” He ended in a mumble and Jungkook was glad he did.

⋄

The second the interview was officially finished and all the cameras shut off, Jungkook was on his feet and approaching you. He didn’t even care about formalities anymore as he just wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

The first thing he noticed was that he couldn’t nestle his face in the crook of your neck as easy as he had been able to do in high-school. The second thing was that you had changed your perfume into something more flowery and fresh. The third thing he noticed was how much he liked having you in his arms again, especially because he could now rest his head on top of yours.

The first thing you noticed was how broad your Kookie had become. Broad and tall and firm everywhere. The second thing you noticed was how he smelled more expensive, faintly musky but still very much like Jungkook. A scent you could pick out from a thousand, unique and everything you loved. The third thing you noticed was how familiar and how looked after you felt in his arms, how protected from every harm. You had missed this feeling.

“Aigoo, Junkookie!” Jin yelled from behind, causing you to chuckle embarrassed and trying to break the hug. But Jungkook simply tightened his arms around you, having no intentions of letting you go any time soon.

“Just ignore them. They’ll leave, eventually.” His voice was muffled by the skin on your neck, since he had now buried his face there, taking deep breaths.

“And we?” you asked with a small laugh, not moving either. “We stay. We catch up. Got a lot of that to do.” Sounded good enough to you…just that you had expected them to make a bee-line for the exit after the cameras cut due to their busy schedule.

“Catch up now?” you asked after a few seconds of him still having his arms around you, unmoving. The young man shook his head.

“No…not right now.” He took a deep breath, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling against your skin and the fabric of your blouse. 

“In five minutes. Let me just hold you for a little while, you…you have no idea how much I missed you.” 

If he only knew.

— ✩ thank u for reading ✩ —

[12tardis]

Shy Smiles  (Newt Scamander x Reader)

Warnings: none Requested: Yes! Lovely anon said ‘could you pretty please write a fic with Newt where it's just like a lot of fluff and shy smiles and looking at each other with the reader with loving eyes, maybe staying up till late just reading and whispering shy words of love, and holding hands, holding each other’. Anon, I’m sorry it took me longer than expected I hope you got through the uni week okay! You GOT this! 

Pairing: Newt Scamander x Reader 

Summary: Super short and sweet fluff drabble. The reader has always been the confident and affectionate one in the friendship but once their official relationship is established the tables turn. A/N: Thank you to lovely anon for the request I hope you’re feeling better! I’m sorry I took a while to write it I had a not-so-nice endo ep this week which left me falling asleep literally every time I sat down to write. I’m emotional AF this week. Uni is hard! I hope you enjoy and please send me more requests x 

Words: 2,534

Newt looked down at you curiously where you where curled up next to him on the couch, leaning on him just slightly and looking incredibly uncomfortable perched so precariously next to him. You were trying to give him personal space while at the same time resting your head on his shoulder as he read to you, his arm slung lazily over your shoulder. In truth you hadn’t really been paying much attention to the story at all because you were so hyper aware of Newt’s body pressed against yours and trying not to come across as too clingy. And you may have also been slightly distracted by the colour of his eyes in the afternoon sun.

Newt flicked his eyes away from you with a shy smile when he noticed your staring, continuing to read the book he had balanced in his right hand, subtly sliding his other hand from around your shoulder and to your waist. He let out a grunt when you suddenly jerked in response to his touch, elbowing him in the ribs hard enough for him to be momentarily winded.

“Oh my god, Newt I’m so sorry! Oh god I’m sorry are you okay?!”, you gasped, flapping your arms around in a panic before your hands were suddenly cupping his cheeks and Newt leant into your touch , catching his breath again.

“Y/N, it’s okay”, he smiled, blushing lightly when you set your hands on his chest in an attempt to soothe the spot you’d struck him. He shivered slightly at the way your hands slid across his pecs and over his ribs in your flustered state “Y/N, I’m okay!” , he repeated, letting out a breathy laugh as he lay his hands over yours, gently gripping your wrists in his large calloused hands.

It had been nearly 2 weeks since the day Newt had suddenly confessed his love for you and you had kissed him in response and thus your official relationship had began and he was still over the moon.

In your years of friendship you had been the more tactile and comfortable out of the two of you. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to to see you both hand in hand as you strolled around the castle. Or to find you perched upon Newt’s lap as you read a book aloud for the both of you or to find you sat with Newt’s head resting in your lap with your fingers tangled in his hair. And it definitely wasn’t unusual to see you both gazing at one another when you thought the other wasn’t looking. You’d both ignored everyone’s constant teasing over the years because it was blatantly clear to everyone else that you two were in love. Never ‘just friends’.

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It was towards the end of your second year at Hogwarts and you were stood in front of a very flustered looking Newt, waiting patiently for him to continue his story.

“W-we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just thought well-I thought you might like to see ”, Newt stuttered, his gaze darting around wildly as he started to fidget with his sleeves. He thought you might like to see the baby Pygmy Puff that he’d recently found but now he was stood in front of you he was worried he might scare off his one true friend.

You’d been incredibly accepting of his interest in magical creatures and you’d listened to many of his stories in rapt interest but he knew it was an entirely different thing to be faced with one of the creatures in the flesh.

You smiled gently at Newt, making sure you gave him the time to finish talking without interrupting him and when he finally finished rambling you took his hand in your own as if you’d done it a dozen times before. “I’d love to see your new Pygmy Puff, Newt.” you murmured gently, squeezing his hand.

Newt’s eyes widened, his gaze transfixed on your hand wrapped around his and he felt the all too familiar blush in his cheeks, eventually gazing back at you, a wide smile breaking across his own face. Your hand seemed to fit so perfectly in his own. So naturally.

He pulled you out of the common room and through the corridors, the smile never leaving his cheeks and he didn’t let go of your hand once that afternoon.

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Your 3rd year found you standing in front of Newt with your hand cocked on your hip as you raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re in my seat,” you said disapprovingly.

You’d been sat beside him in the Hufflepuff common room reading through your shared notes for Potions together in preparation for your exam the following day and Newt had obnoxiously taken your seat when you’d left to go to the bathroom.

Newt just smiled back at you smugly and shrugged “it’s my seat now. It’s quite comfortable. And much warmer here by the fire. I can’t believe I’ve settled for that seat all this time,” he teased, trying not to laugh when he saw the pinch of irritation appear on your face.

“Newt move!”, you huffed, folding your arms like a petulant child and glaring at him when he only laughed and gestured to his lean body “make me”.

And you glared at him challengingly for a moment more before you shrugged and smirked slowly “Fine! If you want to be like that I guess we can share,” you said before you sat yourself down sideways in his lap without warning, biting back your own laughter at the scandalised look on his face.

Newt threw his hands up in surprise, his cheeks growing hot as he stuttered in response “Y/N w-what are you doing?”,he breathed out as his heart thumped heavily in his chest.

You just smiled in response and stretched your legs out across the couch where he would usually be sat, slinging one arm around his shoulders for balance and picking your notes back up with your other, starting to read them exactly where you’d left off.

Newt found his arm coming to rest around your back on its own accord as he gazed up at you, his lips slightly parted and he knew then that he stood no chance in that exam the next day because the only thoughts in his head right now were all you.

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In your 6th year you were spending a weekend of your two week Spring break at the Scamander house as it had become tradition over the last couple of years.

The Scamander family was very accustomed to having you around by now. Newt’s parents were always glad to see the happiness that bubbled up in their youngest son at your presence and Theseus was just glad to have you around because it meant that for once Newt wasn’t rambling on to him about you. Instead he was rambling to you. And even he had to admit that it made him happy to see his brother so at peace.

Theseus had been sent to call you both for afternoon tea and he wandered out into the backyard, expecting to find you both in Newt’s shack when he stopped in his tracks. You were sitting under the cherry blossom tree, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and Newt was sprawled out across the grass with his head in your lap, half asleep with his eyes closed as you brushed your fingers through his hair slowly. 

Theseus raised his eyebrows in surprise as he took in the sight of you smiling adoringly down at his younger brother and the the way Newt looked so relaxed there in your arms. It clearly wasn’t a new position for the two of you. He smiled softly to himself and turned around carefully, slipping back into the house as quietly as he could so as not to disturb the two of you.

“They said they’re not hungry just yet.” Theseus called to his mother as he stepped back into the house.

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You had always been the first one to initiate almost all physical contact during your days at Hogwarts but ever since that fateful day 2 weeks ago it was as if the roles had been completely reversed.

Suddenly you were a stuttering, flustered mess, barely able to touch Newt without tripping over your words and Newt found it to be utterly adorable and endearing though he was hoping you would get over your nerves soon enough because he really really missed the way you used to cuddle him without hesitation.

“Can we...maybe take this to your bedroom?”, you suggested, nodding towards his room that was just down the hallway and slapping a hand over your face when you realised what you’d said “n-not like that! I just- I just meant we could lay down there and stretch out because-because you look so uncomfortable squished on the couch like this and I just elbowed you and oh my god I’ve just completely ruined the mood”, you whined, covering your face in embarrassment as you willed the ground to swallow you whole.

Newt’s eyes had grown to the size of saucers when you first spoke and he could have sworn his heart actually skipped a beat but then you were sitting there panicking and looking so bloody adorable he was certain his heart skipped a beat.

“Y/N...” he murmured with a small amused smile, waiting patiently when you kept rambling “Y/N”, he tried again and eventually reached out to pull your hands away from your face.

“I knew what you meant”, he smiled softly, doing his best to keep the amusement off his face because the last thing he wanted to do was embarrass you further. He pulled your hand to his lips, pressing a gentle and hopefully soothing kiss to the back of it as you watched him shyly, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Come on then”, he murmured, pulling you in the direction of his bedroom and feeling his own nerves start to grow again as he gingerly climbed onto his bed, shuffling over to make room for you. His own nerves were running rampant but he decided to be brave for you, knowing one of you needed to take initiative if you were ever going to get past this awkward phase.

You sat down carefully on the end of Newt’s bed as you looked around the room taking it in properly for the first time, avoiding looking at your boyfriend as you tried to calm your nerves. You tipped your head aside curiously when you spotted a beautiful white and purple flecked orchid sitting on the window sill by his bed and you shuffled towards it, gently brushing your fingers along the petals of the flower in awe.  “Did you know some people consider the orchid to be the most beautiful flower in the world?”, you murmured, your nerves momentarily forgotten as you gazed at the elegant flower.

“I know”, Newt murmured softly, watching you fondly as he leant in close to you “it reminded me of you,” he whispered, gazing down at you with a shy smile. You sucked in a quick breath as you took in his words “oh, you mean-“, you flushed when you found his face right in front of yours, seeing the pure adoration and love in his eyes as he nodded at you.

“Yes. I remember you telling me that in school and I remember thinking it was funny because I always thought of you and the first time I ever saw you smile when I saw the flowers in the Greenhouses”, he admitted, humming in surprise when you were suddenly kissing him.

You gripped the front of his shirt as you kissed him firmly, your cheeks warm as your heart thumped erratically in your chest. Newt sighed softly against your lips and gently cupped your cheek in response, moving his lips against yours delicately, unwittingly pouting just slightly when you pulled back from him. 

“Merlin Newt, you can’t just say things like that, it’s not good for my heart,” you grumbled, resting your forehead against his shoulder.

Newt chuckled softly, his hand flying up to brush his fingers through your hair on its own accord “you are my heart”, he whispered, relishing the way you nestled your face into his neck shyly.

“Newwwwwwt”, you whined to which he hummed, leaning back and slipping his fingertips under your chin to tip your face back up towards him.

“What? I mean it. I love you Y/N. More than anything else in this world. I know you’re nervous about us now that we’ve finally put our feelings out there but I don’t want you to worry. Nothing between us has to change. It can be just like it was before just...just with kisses”, Newt murmured with a slight blush of his own, keeping his gaze locked on yours.

You listened to him carefully, taking in his sincere expression and the look of love and understanding in his eyes and you found yourself nodding along, laying your hand over his and threading your fingers together “I’m sorry I just...I’ve been kinda stressed about not wanting to make you feel pressured. Or be annoying and clingy. I mean I know I’ve always been clingy and overly touchy and affectionate with you but now it’s different I just worry about...about scaring you off.”, you admitted softly, looking down at your intertwined hands.

“I’ve always cherished your touch, Y/N. That hasn’t changed and that will never change. You know I’ve always struggled with physical affection with everybody else. I’ve always felt honoured by your affection. You can make my entire day with one single hug.“ Newt squeezed your hands firmly in his own as he leant forward pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head. “Please believe me when I say I’ve never thought you to be clingy.”

You wrapped your arms around him tightly and pushed him back onto the bed, laying your head on his chest and claiming your spot nestled in his arms, tangling your legs with his and looking up at him. “I love you too. Even more than my plants.”, you whispered, smiling adoringly back at him though your heart was still beating erratically in your chest.

Newt made a noise of surprise when you suddenly pinned him back onto the bed, his arms wrapping around you instinctively as he felt himself blush from your close proximity. It was entirely a new sensation to hold you in his arms in his bed and he adored it already. “More than your plants?” He teased, rubbing small circles onto your back.

“Yes and I’ll love you even more if you read to me again”, you murmured, holding the book from earlier up to his face and Newt laughed taking it from your hands before he did just like that. And you lay there, resting on his chest and gazing up at him with a dopey smile on your face as you listened to the rumble of his voice in his chest combined with his steady heart beat and eventually falling asleep just like that. 

PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS!

-MASTERLIST HERE-

[wylanvnneck]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could write the angst prompt number 1 with jurdan??🥰

Angst Prompt #1: “The worst part is you didn’t even notice.”

Fandom: TFOTA

Ship: Jurdan

Masterlist | Prompt List

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High pitched giggles peal through the air and the noise makes the 21 year old Cardan Greenbriar wince. He’d been away from his hometown of Elfhame for 2 years now, having happily left it and his controlling family behind after graduation to go live in his dorm room back at Insmire University with his crazy roommates. Yet here he was, back again for a week-long visit in honour of his old friend Locke’s engagement.

He and Locke had never been all that close to begin with, but he had been his oldest friend, and it did seem like a good idea to come back for a bit and see how much things had changed in the years since he’d be gone, which didn’t seem to be all that much. 

Locke was still the same fox-faced wastrel that he had been, except that he was now engaged and the other member of their old gang, Valerian was still as snarky as usual, a perpetual sneer on his face whenever someone attempted to speak to him. Seated at a round outdoors table surrounded by his High School acquaintances, Cardan feels nothing but boredom.

He grips the neck of his wine glass even tighter when he sees the source of the giggling emerge from Locke’s house where his engagement party was being hosted. Taryn Duarte the Bride to Be and her posse of friends strut out into the garden from the inside of the house where they’d been gathered together doing goodness knows what for the past half hour. A glimpse of blue hair catches his eye and he recognises it as belonging to a girl named Nicasia that he used to be friends with back in High School, a million years ago.

Taryn’s six inch heels click against the asphalt of the garden path and the sight of her familiar icy brown eyes and dark hair brings up a volley of almost forgotten feelings within him. Not feelings for the rather cold female before him, but for who she reminded him of. Her twin.

Involuntarily he finds himself scanning the group of women for any sign of Taryn’s sister before coming up short and then chastising himself for looking in the first place. Jude belonged in the past where he had buried her. He takes another sip of the red wine in his hand before shifting his attention back to the conversations happening at his table, a politely unimpressed looking Garrett talked in low tones with his friend Van, both of them engrossed in whatever they were discussing, and a slightly inebriated Valerian was attempting to flirt with the disgusted woman seated next to him. 

Resisting the urge to let out a growl he downs the contents of his glass in one go before standing up to re-enter the house and get a refill, needing some kind of distraction.

He’s just finished pouring some more Merlot into his glass from the otherwise empty bar table when a rustling sound travels from somewhere nearby. He glances up at the staircase by the other end of the room, catching sight of a silky white fabric and dark brown hair before whoever it was disappears from view. Stange, he’d thought all of the other guests were outside. Setting his glass down on the table he climbs up the stairs, curiosity getting the better of him. 

Having reached the landing he searches for any sign of where the person might have gone, walking a little further down the hallway on the left before seeing the big French windows leading out to the balcony flung open, the cool night air drifting in.

Cautiously, he approaches, his body going on high alert when he notices who it is that’s standing out on the balcony, hands loosely clutching the metal rails and face turned up towards the starlit sky. Her chestnut hair is tied in an intricate braid hanging down her back and she’s wearing a slim fitting black top and flowy white pants which sway gently around her legs and she looks even more gorgeous than she had in their High School days. He takes a moment to catch his breath before slowly trudging forwards to join her.

She turns when she hears footsteps approaching, a slight frown marring her expression before she recognises him and it clears. Her gaze is as disarming as it used to be.

"Shit, man, don't just sneak up on people like that," a corner of her lip quirks.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender, "Oops, sorry."

“I didn’t know you were coming.” He catches the questioning lilt in her statement.

“It was a last minute kind of thing, I wasn’t sure if I’d be coming either, until yesterday.”

She nods and he positions himself next to her but at a safe distance, one hand coming to rest carelessly on the balcony rail next to hers.

He watches her let out a soft whoosh of breath, looking down at the garden where people were now dancing to the music that had started playing on the expensive speaker set under the bright fairy lights. There’s laughter and cigarette smoke wafting upwards, but from their little spot up above, everything seemed to be much farther away than it really was. 

Eventually, he breaks the silence. “So, Taryn and Locke, huh?”

“Yep.” She replies. The look on her face is one he can’t quite decipher.

He clears his throat and speaks in a tight voice. “Are you...upset by that? I know you and Locke used to be close.” 

He recalls the rumour that used to fly around during their senior year, people whispering about Jude and Locke having a thing. He also remembers the sharp pain that he’d felt when he’d heard that Locke had asked Jude to be his date to their Senior prom and that she’d accepted. Cardan vaguely remembers asking Nicasia to be his date to that very same prom, but the only thing that comes to mind when he thinks about that night is the haze of jealousy that had clouded his mind when he’d seen Locke twirling a grinning Jude around the dance floor.

“Me and Locke? God no. He was just a friend. Although, I think even that was only because he kept showing up and trying to talk to me in Senior Year for no apparent reason.” 

Cardan feels a surprisingly strong sense of relief wash over him at the fact that Jude was never interested in Locke that way, before his eyebrows knit together a moment later. He’d drunkenly confessed his ginormous crush on Jude to Locke at the start of their senior year, and immediately regretted it the next day. It wouldn’t surprise him if Locke had been cozying up to Jude simply to get on his nerves. It definitely seemed like something the manipulative scoundrel would do.

Not that it mattered anymore. Years had passed and he’d probably lost his chance. If he’d ever had the chance in the first place.

“I heard you’ve been off at uni all this time. Insmire, huh?” Her words are light but he’s slightly astonished that she’d been keeping track of where he’d been for the past few years. 

“Yeah, it was the break I needed.”

“What are you studying?”

“My dad wanted me to do Business for when I inherit his company, but I’m also doing a course on Classical and Ancient Languages, purely because I wanted to.”

“That’s great, Cardan.” Her sincerity is clear. “I remember how controlling your dad was. It’s great that you’re finally getting to be your own person.”

He’s sure that his astonishment at her words is blatantly obvious because a barely detectable flush travels up her neck and she averts her gaze. Not only had Jude Duarte been keeping track of where he’d been, she’d also noticed his strained relationship with his father all those years ago. A thrill rises up inside of him.

“Thank you.” He pauses. “So what have you been up to these days?” he asks, like he hasn’t been checking her social media pages at least once every few months, unwittingly grinning whenever he came across one of her rare posts with her and her few friends hanging out together outside of her own University in Nightfell. 

“Oh, same as you actually, getting a taste of independence at Uni. Doing a course on Criminal Justice.”

“That sounds amazing. Tell me all about it.”

And she does, her eyes lighting up as she talks about a subject that she enjoys studying and half of his attention is taken up by what she’s saying and the other half is just focused on her, on the way the moon illuminates one half of her and how the breeze is playing with a few loose strands of her hair and the way her mouth is moving whilst she speaks. They chat for what feels like ages before the conversation eventually flows to a comfortable halt and they hear the clanging of plates and glasses below as the other guests start on dinner, and he knows they’ll have to leave this place of idyll at some point.

He hates that. That they’re on borrowed time and that they were separated by too many years and very separate lives for their situation to be anything different now. And yet, he needs to tell her, to let her know, even if it can’t change anything.

“You know, back in High School I used to daydream about this. You and I, just talking.” He knows that the tips of his ears are probably flaming red, just like the rest of his head, but he forces himself not to look down and to keep meeting her stare. Her eyes widen when she registers what he’d said.

“I-What?” Her shock is apparent.

He breaks eye contact with her, withdrawing his hand from the spot next to hers on the rail, the disappointment coursing through him undeniable. He’d known that she’d never noticed him, but it still hurt to see the bafflement in her reaction.  

“I had a crush on you for ages, pathetic pining and all, and the worst part is you didn’t even notice.”

She flounders, mouth slightly agape, for once not having a response and the smile that curls his lips is one without mirth.

“Well, it’s been nice talking to you Jude,” he grits out, swiftly turning in an attempt to flee with what was left of his dignity.

He’d made it to the top of the staircase before hearing her voice calling after him. 

“Cardan! Cardan wait, goddammit.”

Reluctantly, he stops, bracing himself for the awkwardness of the next few minutes. She’d look at him with pity, explain to him that she wasn’t interested, or maybe that she had someone else. That last thought lances through him like a punch to the gut. During his self-indulgent social media searches he had never seen any posts that indicated that there was someone special in her life, but that didn’t necessarily mean that there wasn’t anyone. After all, Jude Duarte was a special type of woman, the type of woman that you fought for.

Too bad that he’d figured that out too late.

The sound of her boots clacking on the floor gets closer and closer and he turns around just in time for her to throw her arms around his neck and drag his head down to connect their lips, their noses bumping together in the process. Time stops, and his every High School fantasy comes true when he feels her tangle her tongue with his and it’s a little sloppy at first, especially since she had caught him off guard, but they find their rhythm and flames lick through his entire being. Frantically, he grabs a hold of her waist and pushes her until she’s against the wall, her fingers coming up to tangle in his locks as he strokes her sides.

She pulls away to breathe and they’re both panting harshly as if they had run a marathon. 

“I had a crush on you too. I hated it and I tried to fight it because you used to pick on me in middle school.” 

Had he? It was so long ago that he really couldn’t remember, but he also knew that he was precisely the type of person who’d want to hurt the girl that got under his skin.

“Really?” He grins ruefully.

“Yes, really.” She reaches up and playfully smacks the back of his head before carding her fingers through his hair in the same spot to soothe it.

‘Well, my middle school self humbly begs for your forgiveness.” He leans forward and presses their foreheads together, locking his gaze with hers.

“Apology accepted.”

And then they’re kissing once more. He may not have been prepared for a moment like this, but he was sure as hell going to hold on to it and never let go.

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Some soft boi Cardan for you lovely peeps. I hope you see this and that you enjoy, Anon. Thanks for the ask!

Tagging: @cupcakesandkittens , @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln, @thewickedkings , @kittkatandbooboo , @min-unicorn, @fangirlprincess09, @thefolkofthefic

Let me know if you’d like to be added to or taken off of the tag list🌻

[wild-flower-art]

The Old Guard- Andy x Reader (F/F)

Guess who’s back and betta than evaaa? I’m so sorry it took me almost 2 whole ass months to post the 3rd chapter. With school starting up again, the part of uni I work at got fuckin hectic. Luckily that part of my life has settled a bit (for now), and now it’s time to get back on track in other parts of my life...writing being one of them. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 – Help us (I think I’m sticking to 3rd-person POV-- 2,975 word count)

Darkness engulfs (y/n) as she enters the house, only able to see and follow the light from her flashlight. Her suit is weighing heavily on her body, her helmet obstructing her vision but protecting her all the same. She does her best to get out as quickly as possible, the SCBA tank only allowing for at least 30 minutes to get in, do her job, and get out. Some of (y/n)’s team are trying to extinguish the fire that just won’t let up, and the rest of them have been sent in to get people out. (Y/n) sees there’s a basement door in the kitchen. She radios in to her team that she’s going down. She can hear screams. Girls crying out for help. The further down into the basement she goes the darker it becomes. This is where the fire started. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and can hear the screams even louder now. Her flashlight shines on another door. That’s where they are. (Y/n) tries to calmly yet quickly get the door latches unlocked with her bolt cutters. Their screams are getting louder. They know they’re being saved. Before she can get the door open there’s an explosion behind her, knocking (y/n) forward…

She awakes with a start, having almost rolled off the bed. Her heart is racing, blood running cold through your body, left side of her torso throbbing with pain. (Y/n) is damp with sweat, soaking through her shirt. She searches for her lamp, but then remembers she’s not at home. She then reaches for a candle and lighter, flinching slightly at the sight of the flame.

It was just a dream.

…But it really wasn’t. It’s a memory that not even sleep can help her escape from. Before she can focus too much on what she did wrong, and what she could’ve done better, she hears a light tapping at the door. Her breathing hitches in her throat, but then releases itself when she realize it’s Nile, the light from the main room illuminating (y/n)’s—no, not her room—the guest room, probably. Not at all decorated or welcoming. It looks like a room used for storage, not being meant for personal use.

Nile whispers, “Hey, are you okay? I thought I heard crying.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, Nile. Thank you. Just a….bad dream.”

“You have those often?”

“Yeah, too often.”

“You’re not the most peaceful of sleepers then, huh? As an ex-Marine I know how that feels.”

“An ex-Marine?”

Nile stammers, “Oh, yeah, uh I was in for a few years before I got injured, and was uhmm discharged.” She tries to hold eye contact, but then looks away after a beat. (Y/n) feels like she overstepped a line she didn’t know existed.

“Oh…I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay. It was for the best, I’m sure. Maybe. I don’t know. Soooo....can I ask what you dream about?”

(y/n) sighs, “Before moving here to England I used to be a firefighter back home. We had been called out to the scene of a possible trafficking house the feds had been keeping an eye on. It had caught fire rather quickly, so we had to move just as fast, if not faster.”

(Y/n) looks down at her hands that she didn’t realize were clenched into fists. She inhales slowly so as not to cause more pain to her diaphragm, and on a shuddery exhale (y/n) releases the tension in her hands and shoulders. Fuck, my body hurts.

“I had gone down to the basement where I heard the screaming of young women and girls…kids…” A lump forms in her throat she tries to swallow down before continuing, “I was so close to getting them out, but then something went off behind me, knocking me forward. It felt like I was being tackled by a large animal or something, knocking me out cold. My dream usually ends there.”

“What happened after? In real life, I mean.”

“My team was able to get me out of there, the girls weren’t so lucky. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed about a week later. I quit shortly after when I heard the traffickers who had the girls in the house weren’t caught. I felt like I owed it to them to keep future girls from being victimized like that. I followed them here to England, but the trail ran cold about a month ago. I’ve been teaching self-defense classes to women, young girls, and non-binary kids since I’ve arrived here to be of use and pass the time, maybe make some money…oh shit, speaking of, where’s my phone? I need to contact my classes and cancel.” (Y/n) starts patting down her pockets and aimlessly checking the sheets and under pillows for her phone.

“Oh, uhm…I don’t remember you having a phone on you when we brought you. Maybe it fell out at the building?”

“Fuck. Well, I’ll contact them tomorrow when I leave from here.”

“Leave? No, you shouldn’t leave. You should stay until you’re healed up.”

“I don’t think your friends want me around for too long. I was gonna suggest I go to a hospital, but looks like you know your way around a bandage and sutures.” She says, examining her wound.

“Yeah, well, it helps to know those things out in the field. Anyway, please stay. We insist. And I’ll help you contact your class tomorrow. In the meantime, you should really get some rest. You look like shit.” She says the last part half-heartedly and with a smirk.

“Aw gee thanks, jerk”, (y/n) chuckles.

Nile starts to exit the room before (y/n) stops her. “Hey, Nile? I mean it, thank you.”

She smiles and nods before closing the door behind her. (Y/n) falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and she closes her eyes, her body welcoming rest once again.

Nile makes her way up the stairs to her bedroom that she’s sharing with Andy since Andy gave (y/n) her room to recover in. That downstairs bedroom and couch in the livingroom give her easy access to the front and back doors in case something is amiss. It takes Andy too long to get settled, not used to resting in a room so far away from where possible intruders can enter. She starts to roll out of her makeshift bed to head downstairs, but Nile makes her way into the room, stopping Andy dead in her tracks.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asks, hands on her hips.

“I can’t sleep in here, Nile. I’m sorry. I have to go downstairs and keep watch.”

“No, you don’t. Nicky and Joe agreed to take turns staying awake tonight. You need to learn how to relax. You can’t heal yourself the way we can anymore, so you need to give your body some time to rest so you don’t burn out. We’ve been over this! Any less sleep and you’ll look as exhausted as (Y/N). Jesus! You’re like a stubborn old person, too set in their w—“, before she can finish her reprimanding rant a pillow smacks her square in the face, earning a laugh from Andy, pleased that she caught Nile off guard.

“That’s not funny”, she says throwing the pillow back in Andy’s direction.

“Well, if it’s not funny then why am I still laughing?” Andy says between giggle fits. It’s becoming a common occurrence to see Andy like this. Lighthearted laughs and jokes that the guys said hadn’t ever happened this often, not in a long while, so Nile smiles and lets her have her moment before she has to dampen the mood.

“(Y/N) asked for her phone.” Andy stops laughing and instinctively reaches for the phone that lays in her coat pocket.  “She teaches a self-defense class and needs to cancel for the next few days, maybe even weeks.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That I don’t remember seeing a phone when we brought her here and that she probably dropped it at the building…She doesn’t know who or what we are, so why are you keeping it?”

“You can never be too careful, Nile. She can’t just update people on where she is and expect people not to look for her. She might not know who we are, but we need to limit her access to the outside, at least for now.” This earns her an incredulous look from Nile. “Just trust me, okay?”

“Alright, boss. Now, can you please lay back down and get some sleep?” Nile asks as she gets into her bed.

It takes Andy a while to get settled, but when she finally does she can’t seem to manage to quiet her racing thoughts.

“I can hear you thinking, Andy! What is it?”

“You said if I didn’t get sleep I’d look as exhausted as (Y/N). What did you mean by that? Was she awake when you went downstairs to lock up?”

“Uhh, yeah. She was having a nightmare about something that happened when she was a firefighter. Just before she moved here her team was sent out to a burning building, turns out that was a trafficking holding house, possibly run by the same people who run the one we raided last night. But that’s just me putting two and two together. She said her trail ran cold, so she’s been keeping busy with her classes.”

“How much does she know?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think to ask. She looked so tired and sad, I just needed to get out of her hair so she could rest. Now, sleep!” Nile tosses a pillow at Andy’s head this time.

Andy turned on to her side so Nile wouldn’t see her still awake. I should pick (Y/N)’s brain on what she knows about those people who set that house on fire. Maybe she can help us.

(Y/N) slept through the rest of the following day, not giving Andy time to ask her what she knows, but, instead, giving Andy time to talk to Nile, Joe, and Nicky about (Y/N) and if they think she’d be willing to help.

“She’s come this far to find out who hurt, and continues to hurt, those girls. I’m sure this will give her more purpose to continue on her journey”, Joe speaks up from behind his cup of coffee.

“Should we have Copley do some digging on her? Just to see where she comes from, and maybe find any paper trails to where she’s been following those disgusting human beings through?”, Nicky says as he makes his way back to the dining table, pulling a seat from across Joe and next to Andy.

“I contacted him earlier, he’s on it. He said he’d get back to us by the end of the day. Should be hearing from him any moment now.” Andy turns her head to look at her bedroom door. Still no movement. They’ve done multiple checks on (Y/N) throughout the day. Each time they were either met with groans, signaling them to go away, or with light snoring. With drool lightly dribbling from her mouth, she’s obviously getting the kind of rest Nile wishes Andy would allow herself to get. I’ll rest when I’m dead. Reminding herself and the team that she is on borrowed time, and she doesn’t want to waste whatever time she has left worrying about menial things like resting. Though (Y/N) makes it look so comfortable.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so peaceful while sleeping.

She’s shaken from her thoughts as Nile scoots out of her chair to stand. “Well, I’m off to bed.”

“We’ll head in for the night as well.” Joe says, getting up and wrapping his arm around Nicky and then rubbing the middle of his back.

“Goodnight, boss” they call out in unison as they head up the stairs.

“Night.”

It’s maybe about 45 minutes after the rest of the team has gone up to bed, and a couple of glasses of vodka later, that Andy receives a message from Copley with several attachments of what he found on (Y/N).

Here’s all I could find. Hope this will suffice.

Got it. She quickly types in response. She’s curious to open the files, but it’s getting late and she wants to look at this new information with the team. She double, triple checks and locks the doors, and makes sure the windows are all securely latched. She and Nile would be taking turns watching over the house, and she has first watch. She turns off all the lights, except for a lamp in the kitchen, and makes her way upstairs to grab a few things to hold her over for the next few hours. She isn’t upstairs for more than 5 minutes when she hears a door open and close, some carefully placed footsteps, and another door squeaking open before being lightly shut. Barefoot, Andy quickly and quietly grabs her labrys from its case, shoves a gun in her pants, and swiftly makes her way downstairs and out the front door.

She stops suddenly when she realizes it’s (Y/N) walking down the driveway. She runs over to her, fearing she might be in trouble. (Y/N) turns around in shock and almost screams, but grabs at her left side and hisses in pain, having twisted her body around too quickly.

Short of grabbing her arm, Andy quietly yet sternly asks, “Where the hell do you think you’re going? It’s dark out! You could get hurt! Do you not have any sense to just stay put?”

(Y/N) all but ignores Andy and turns back towards the driveway to continue walking.

Andy walks past (Y/N) and stands in front of her. “Hey, I’m talking to you! You’re not going anywhere until we know you’re okay!”

Trying in vain to push past Andy, (Y/N) replies, “I said I’d be gone as soon as I’m feeling better, and obviously I’m feeling a lot better, so if you don’t mind—.”

Andy scoffs and puts herself back in (Y/N)’s way and gently pokes at her upper left side just over her ribs, causing (Y/N) to wince and hiss in pain. “Yeah, obviously.”

“What the hell?!” (Y/N) grits through her teeth. “Do you treat everyone you help like this?”

“No, just the stubborn ones I believe have the ability to help us in return.”

(Y/N) squints at Andy incredulously, “Help you with what?”

“Help us find the guys who burned down that house with all those girls stuck inside.”

(Y/N) stands stock still and dumbfounded. “How do you know that?”

“Nile told us about your nightmares. I also had someone do some digging on you, so I’m sure those files will tell me the same thing.”

“You had someone ‘do some digging’ on me?! You guys are crazy! Now, please MOVE!”

(Y/N) shoves her hand against Andy’s shoulder and tries again to maneuver around her, using Andy’s height against her to juke her out. It almost works, but Andy is too quick to turn around and put her leg in front of (Y/N)’s leg to trip her and hook her arms around (Y/N)’s waste to keep her from falling forward. (Y/N) groans in pain and frustration as she places a heavy heel on Andy’s bare foot. With her heel still digging into Andy’s foot, (Y/N) leans her body back and shoves her hands up into the small space between her body and Andy’s arms. With a grunt she pushes her arms out, freeing herself from Andy’s grip as Andy falls backwards. Pleased with herself, (Y/N) quickly limps away from Andy, all the while Andy is on the ground smiling, trying not to laugh at the sorry sight in front of her. She gets up and half jogs up to (Y/N), catching up with her in just a few strides. To add insult to injury, Andy keeps a steady walking pace next to (Y/N), who has broken out into a sweat.

“So…where are we going?” Andy asks, trying not to laugh at how (Y/N)’s brows furrow with frustration.

(Y/N) responds with a roll of her eyes and a huff before pleading, “Please just go away and let me leave.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, (Y/N). We need your help and you clearly need ours. Please just come back to the house and get some rest…Do you even know where you are?”

“No idea.”

“Then how do you know where you’re going or if you’re going in the right direction?”

“I don’t, but if I keep walking I’ll get somewhere away from you guys.”

Andy picks up her pace and places herself in front of (Y/N) again, this time placing her hands on (Y/N)’s shoulders and meeting her (e/c) eyes. “Please. Help us find those girls.”

That’s all it takes for (Y/N) to give in. She puffs air out of her mouth and looks down at their feet. She notices a small bruise forming on Andy’s foot where her heel pressed down just a moment ago, a few scrapes marking her own. She feels a pull in her stomach, an obligation to those girls who needed her and a new obligation to the girls who still need her. She feels pressure building behind her eyes, her vision blurring, and her bottom lip slightly quivering. Fuck.

When she finally looks up her eyes are glossed over with unshed tears. Now’s not the time. She clears her throat and swallows hard. “Okay”, she finally whispers. And with that she turns around and walks back towards the house with Andy following close behind. They walk in silence until they reach the door. As (Y/N) reaches for the door handle, Andy places her hand over (Y/N)’s. Their eyes meet again as Andy whispers, “Thank you.” (Y/N) nods her head slightly before entering the house.