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thefrogdalorian · 1 day

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The Best of Both Worlds: Chapter Thirteen

Din Djarin x F!Reader Modern!AU

❁ Series Masterlist ❁ My Masterlist ❁ Read on AO3 ❁

Summary: The happiness you feel in response to a question Din posed to you is somewhat clouded by lingering doubts. Yet your affection for each other helps you to push those emotions down, until a weekend spent at his cottage changes everything...

Word Count: 13.1k ❁ Rating: Mature ❁ Content Warnings: 18+MDNI for smut (oral sex, M and F receiving), mild child sickness, angst... lots of angst... ❁ Author's Note: Thank you @decembermidnight for being my beta! This was a monster chapter so I really appreciate it. Cannot believe it had been almost a month since my last update for this fic!! I am really keen to get this one finished soon but I could also see myself writing another 100k so... we'll see how it goes haha. Sorry in advance, it hurt to write... but I do hope you enjoyed it...

13. The Storm [Reader's POV]

Being away from Din was agonising. It felt as though every second you were not in his presence only widened the chasm in your chest which had opened the minute you parted from him.

Still, you had the comfort of basking in his memory and the warmth that spread across your skin whenever you thought of him.

Every time he crossed your mind or you saw something that reminded you of him, you were unable to prevent a grin from spreading across your features. Knowing that he was all yours, that you had taken the step of actually calling him your boyfriend made you feel positively giddy.

Each memory you had with Din was precious, something to be treasured.

Well, almost all.

There was one irritating little moment which did not provoke a pleasant reaction. A moment that kept replaying over and over in your mind. The doubt and insecurity it provoked kept gnawing away in the pit of your stomach. Try as you might, you were unable to banish it from your thoughts.

That one particular moment seemed to play on an endless loop in your mind in the days following your excursion to the park.

No matter how much you tried to banish it from your thoughts, you could not stop thinking about the way Din had shifted all of his weight onto one leg, folded his arms and sighed when you had suggested hiring the rowboat. For some reason, that particular mannerism triggered something in your brain. A reminder of sorts; a flicker of recognition, a memory of a man that you had never even met.

It was like the strangest sense of de ja vu, except you had never crossed paths with the man who Din bore a striking resemblance to at that precise moment… because he wasn’t real.

Nevertheless, for one brief moment as you stood begging Din to acquiesce and hire a boat with you, the way he moved was so scarily like Mando that you had almost opened your mouth to question it.

However, as you thought about it over the next few days, you were relieved you hadn’t made a fool out of yourself and questioned him. You would have looked beyond ridiculous.

There was simply no way that your Din could be The Mandalorian.

You were certain that it was just your overactive imagination playing a trick on you, especially since Mando had been on your mind recently.

When Din had called to apologetically inform you that he would be unable to join you on that Friday night, you had not hesitated to dive back underneath the comfort blanket that was your favourite show.

You had slipped back into your old ways and used the show you once watched religiously to soothe your soul during a time of crisis. Watching The Mandalorian in your luxurious hotel room on an enormous television that made you feel like you were at the cinema had calmed your anguished heart after Din had informed you of his delayed arrival.

It had also clearly brought Mando back to the forefront of your mind in a way that the character had not been for several weeks.

Until then, any spare time was devoted to seeing Din, rather than watching the same episodes you had seen countless times. Mando had slipped down in your list of priorities. Still, it was the first thing you turned to during a time of crisis.

Since you had started dating Din, you had found yourself so busy that your frequent watch throughs of Mando had dwindled in frequency. You had a lot less time to yourself, after work you were usually either physically with Din or texting him. Somehow, the thought of watching your fictional crush when you were speaking to your very real boyfriend, even via text, seemed strange.

You had always believed that you would never find anyone in real life who could come close to holding your affection in the same way that Mando did. You knew now, of course, that you were dead wrong about that.

Din was everything you had ever been searching for. Since the moment you had first crossed paths at the museum, you had felt an immediate connection and spark which had only intensified over the months that you had known him. With Din, you were unafraid to be yourself. You were so authentically yourself when you were around him.

Din saw you entirely. And he loved you completely in return. In your relationship, there was nothing to run from, nothing to hide. Merely two people who loved each other very much and had felt every part of themselves touched by that affection and made all the better for it.

Before Din, you had always been afraid of love, afraid of allowing someone to know you so deeply. With him, you had never felt fear. Never felt that he could hurt you or hide anything from you. Even though his particular line of employment kept him away from you and was evidently well-paid, and even though he lived suspiciously close to The Volume… There was no way the kind-hearted man who was such an attentive father and made you feel so safe whenever you were in his presence could be hiding such a thing from you.

So, those feelings of certainty and security that you drew from your relationship with Din were precisely why you were able to dismiss the peculiar moment at the park which had caused such a strong sense of deja vu within you. You knew Din Djarin was a good man at heart, who would never willingly hurt you or hide things from you.

Happily, despite the uncanny resemblance to Mando that Din had momentarily shown, your fledgling relationship was going from strength to strength.

Din was doing everything to spend more time with you. He would meet you after work when his schedule permitted, even if it was just for a quick dinner before the two of you went your separate ways.

Weekends were usually spent at Din’s cottage, unless he treated you and booked a hotel room for the two of you. The second suite was usually for Kuiil and Grogu now. Din, in his own way, was learning to open up more to you and let Grogu out of his sight for a few hours so he could enjoy your company. He had even discussed renting a flat in central London to give him and Grogu more of a base in the city that would make seeing you easier. It was a sign that the future was on Din’s mind. A future he seemingly wanted to share with you.

You couldn’t help but notice that the increasing amount of free time Din had coincided with the rumours that had appeared online that The Mandalorian was wrapping up filming season three.

Still, you had no concrete proof that Din worked at The Volume. Despite how much your friends teased you, you refused to let your mind wander in that direction. You had settled on the fact that Din would tell you something if he could and that was that. Better to keep your life as a Mando-obsessed fangirl far separate from the woman who Din was dating.

As you spent more and more time in each other’s company, there was a comforting familiarity that grew between the two of you when you spent time together. Things were becoming more natural. Dates for the two of you were rarely such an event anymore, it was more just spending time with each other whenever the stars aligned for you to sneak some precious time with each other.

Of course, your heart still fluttered when you thought about Din, texted him or were near to him. That certainly hadn’t changed.

Spending time with him and having him take you on dates still felt exhilarating. Now with the added bonus that you were beginning to feel more comfortable and relaxed in his presence. Things felt so natural with Din. You did not fear letting him in to see all of you. That included telling the occasional jokes about Mando and trying to persuade him to watch your favourite show.

In a way, even since your first meeting, you had always known that Din would accept you as you were. Your long, tangential rants at the museum during the tour had not put him off, nor had the time when you were honest with him about much preferring a low-key date rather than taking advantage of the reservation at the fancy restaurant he had made for you. Din accepted you as you were.

Every time you were around him, you felt butterflies in your stomach and a warmth which spread in your chest at the knowledge that you had let him in completely, and he still loved you anyway. It was exhilarating.

Yes, Din Djarin was certainly getting to know you. All of you.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Those butterflies were certainly present once again tonight as the two of you took an after-dinner stroll through Notting Hill, where you had just enjoyed dinner together at a cosy Italian restaurant one of your colleagues had recommended. Your fingers were interlaced with Din’s and you could not resist stealing glances at him every few steps.

Din had really made an effort for the occasion. He looked so handsome in his white button down shirt, dark blue blazer and matching pants to complete the outfit. You had barely been able to form words when you had first laid eyes upon him outside work earlier in the evening. Any words you had been trying to form had soon been kissed from your lips as Din brought you into a passionate embrace.

When you saw Din, you were glad that you had stashed some clothes at your workplace for spontaneous date nights. Indeed, your work locker was playing host to an increasing number of outfits for your dates, much to the amusement of your colleagues.

Tom in particular liked to point out when you were going on a date, causing your cheeks to burn each time. From the way he looked at you and teased you, you almost felt as though he had a crush on you. You wondered why he had never acted upon it before you had started dating Din, if that was indeed the case.

Before you had met Din, it wasn’t exactly as though you were inundated with proposals. Perhaps it was knowing that you were desirable or the efforts you were making to dress nicely that had caused Tom’s mind to wander. Regardless, you didn’t give it too much thought. For you, it was always Din. Only Din.

As you and Din strolled through the upmarket area of London, with all of its distinctively coloured houses, you couldn’t help but feel the autumnal chill to the air that had not been there a few weeks previously. It made sense, seeing as September was drawing to a close.

But with Din’s large hand in yours and the heat which radiated within you whenever you were with him, you did not feel cold in the slightest. As you walked through a quiet residential area, in the vague direction of a tube station that would take you home, it could have been the depths of winter for all you cared. With Din by your side, you did not feel a single shiver traverse your body.

Until, Din spoke, and his words sent a chill down your spine.

“I like this area. I could see myself living here,” Din said thoughtfully as the two of you paused on the street.

There was a row of tall houses with small gardens out front, neat houses with beautiful brickwork and ornate windows. You swallowed thickly. Somewhere like this would be so far out of your price range. It was yet another devastating reminder of the different worlds you came from.

“Maybe it’s somewhere we could look for a flat?” Din questioned, softly smiling at you as he made the suggestion.

You stopped in your tracks and glanced around at him questioningly. It wasn’t the first time Din had brought up the idea of renting a flat in central London, but it was the first time he had used such inclusive language.

He could have been referring to himself and Grogu, of course, but you knew from the way he had said it and looked at you that you were the other he was referring to. You were stunned at his words. The sentiment that he wanted to share a life with you deeply moved you. You had hoped that Din was taking things as seriously as you were, but to hear him express a desire to live with you… you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy.

“We?” you questioned, looking up and smiling shyly.

“Well… much as I love the hotel with the spa and the room service, it would be nice to have a place just for us. Now my hours at work are going to be reduced, it makes more sense to move closer to you. I would like a flat, with two rooms, one for Grogu and one for,” Din leaned in and pressed the gentlest of kisses to your lips “…. us,” Din whispered against your lips, smiling at you in such a way you felt almost embarrassed by the love you saw in his eyes.

For a brief moment, you were not standing in the street with Din. You were transported through time, venturing inside one of the houses you were loitering in front of to a scene so vivid that you could almost reach out and grasp it with both hands.

You could see lazy weekend mornings where the sun streamed in through the windows and turned everything it touched to gold. You’d wake up in your large bed, head on Din’s warm, firm chest as his arms encircled your waist, holding you tightly. You’d spend a few precious moments cuddling Din close while he slept after a pleasurable night the two of you had enjoyed.

Sighing contentedly in the tranquillity until you heard the unmistakable pitter patter of small feet outside, belonging to the child who had featured so prominently in your love story so far. Grogu would run in and jump on the pair of you before the three of you headed into the kitchen to make breakfast.

You stood there, trying to figure out which house was the one from the vision.

Any one of these beautiful buildings could be it, a well-furnished space that still felt intimate and cosy. That felt like a home that the three of you were carving out together. A light space filled with lots of love and laughter. It was so achingly realistic that you felt a chasm opening in your chest, causing tears to sting the corners of your eyes…

“Sorry, it’s too much, too soon…” Din said, brown eyes looking down at the ground.

He had taken your silence as you daydreamed about a future together as an indication that you weren’t interested, that you didn’t want it. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Never, Din,” you whispered, the hope that you saw in those soulful eyes as he glanced at you almost took your breath away. “I want to build a future with you,” you nodded, desperately blinking back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks.

Din merely smiled at you, caressing your chin with his fingers lightly before he leant in to kiss you softly. It was so tender, so sweet. A deliberate movement that showed you how much he appreciated your words and how deeply he felt them, too.

“I’m so glad you said that,” Din admitted softly.

You stayed like that, staring at each other for a few more moments, each too emotional to truly put your feelings for each other into words. You felt something other than love settle in your stomach. A fire had been lit in your belly, a steely determination to see the vision you had come to fruition. No matter how long it took, it was the life you wanted for yourself. You were absolutely certain of that fact.

Unfortunately, however, you could not stand in this moment forever.

There was the life you had to lead now which took precedence. Plus the fact that the residents might find your continued loitering outside their houses unnerving.

As you began walking down the street once more, you felt a sense of overwhelming serenity wash over you. There was no doubt in your mind that it would one day be the life you and Din shared.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

It was approaching midnight and the streets were mostly deserted. You had work the following morning and you knew Din had to get back to his cottage for Grogu. Still, that didn’t mean you wouldn’t at least try to get him to come home with you.

“Wouldn’t you at least come back to my flat with me?” you asked, flashing your best puppy dog eyes at him to try to get him to change his mind.

“Nice try, Sunflower,” Din chuckled, shaking his head at you affectionately, “I really can’t.”

“Please?” you asked again, looking up at him through your eyelashes, “I have a nice, comfortable bed in the flat I rent all by myself.”

You were probably being a bit desperate and pathetic and you knew it, but the way a frown suddenly flickered across Din’s features at the mention of your bed and flat caused a pang of insecurity to flood through you.

Din had not been back to your flat since that night he had bolted once the two of you made it to your bedroom. You had never brought it up again, you knew for certain now – even if you had doubted it at the time – that Din was physically attracted to you. He had shown you that plenty of times.

The pain of his rejection that had floored you back then was mostly a distant memory now. Still, the frown which had unmistakably crossed your face made you wonder why Din was so averse to coming back to your flat. Before you could ruminate any further on his reasoning, Din’s deep voice soothed you.

“Don’t make this any harder,” Din murmured as he closed his eyes and sighed, “I have to get back for Grogu, I was away from him all day. If I wasn’t there when he woke up, it would unsettle him. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself knowing that. Plus, you have work tomorrow… let’s wait until the weekend. We’ll have all the time in the world then, Sunflower.”

“Okay, Din,” you conceded.

“Believe me, I want to… it’s just…” Din stopped and looked down, sighing deeply, “Hard, with all the responsibilities we have.”

“I know, Din,” you nodded, leaning into him and placing your head on his shoulder to reassure him, “I shouldn’t have asked when I know that you can’t. It wasn’t fair of me. I just really like spending time with you.”

“I know, darling,” Din murmured, dropping your hand to bring his arm around your shoulder, as your arm encircled his waist, “I wish we could just see each other whenever we wanted, but work is winding down for me now so I will have more free time. Then, we can begin looking for a place for both of us, and Grogu.”

“I can’t wait,” you smiled, burying your face into Din’s warm, broad chest.

The scent of his cologne sent a pulse of desire coursing through your veins. It was unfair that he was here, looking so gorgeous and there was nothing you would be able to do to show him just how attracted to him you were. It certainly wasn’t for lack of desire, though.

The two of you stood there in a tight embrace for a few moments, before you stepped back and took Din’s hand again. It was getting late and you knew you needed to head for home, much as you didn’t want to leave him.

The Tube station was just around the corner and before you knew it, you were standing before the distinctive illuminated red and blue sign, so ubiquitous with the London Underground network.

With a lump in your throat, you realised that it was time to say goodbye to each other. Your heart ached, but you knew you would see Din again in only a couple more days.

“I’ll see you this weekend, then?” Din questioned, leaning down to drop a lazy kiss onto your lips as you stood outside the station.

“Yes, I can’t wait,” you replied.

“Text me when you’re home,” Din asked as he gently stroked your cheek with his thumb.

“I will, Din,” you nodded. Caring about the welfare of his loved ones was absolutely Din’s love language.

Din stole one last kiss from your lips before you turned to walk away into the Tube station. Not without a lingering look back at him, appreciating one more time how handsome he looked in his outfit.

After passing through the ticket barrier and descending far beneath London and onto the platform, you finally allowed Din’s words from earlier to sink in.

The fact that this incredible man who you loved so much, not only loved you in return but wanted to settle down and carve out a future for you was nothing short of electrifying. You thought back to the timid, awkward version of yourself who had first laid eyes upon him in the museum on that fateful day. You were so in awe of him, yet so certain that you would never catch his eye.

Look at you now.

It was almost unbelievable where you were now and how close the two of you had grown. You never would have believed someone like you could capture the heart of Din, that he would be your boyfriend. But he was. And he wanted to build a life with you.

Yet, as you got on the tube and began your journey home, your mind was once again racing with unanswered questions and lingering doubts. You felt bitter thinking about how Din could have been joining you.

You knew it was because of Grogu, of course. Their bond was so strong and the way that Din cared for his adopted son was just one of the many reasons that you were infatuated with him.

Still, you could not quite shake the feeling that you were missing something. That perhaps you should not be so keen to put down roots with a man that you still felt you hardly knew.

Then you thought of all the happy times with Din and all of those anxieties faded away, only to be replaced by new doubts when you thought of moments such as the one by the boathouse.

It was exhausting.

So, you reached for your earphones and went straight to the playlist of your favourite pieces from the Mandalorian’s soundtrack to quieten your racing thoughts. For a few moments as the train hurtled far beneath the quiet streets of London, you were somewhere far away, soaring through the stars with Mando.

A galaxy away from your anguish over Din…

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Those uncomfortable thoughts continued over the next few days until you could see Din again. The Mandalorian soundtrack could only stave them off for so long. The sheer contrasting emotions were difficult to stomach. The simultaneous sheer joy you felt at knowing Din wanted the two of you to live together and the lingering questions you had about him that remained unanswered.

Through it all, of course, Ria had been there for you, a shoulder to cry on and a friend to squeal with about Din when things were going well. Like today, as you pulled out your phone to text her on the way to Din’s cottage from the back of the car he had sent to collect you.

[mandoismine] 13:18 morning ria. hope you have a good weekend!!

[thisistheslay] 13:17 Thanks bestie! Not much planned for me, just recovering from work lmao. But what about you, when are you next seeing Din?

[mandoismine] 13:18 im on my way to his house now. he sent me a car to pick me up :)

[thisistheslay] 13:20 OOH!! A SUGAR DADDY!!

You looked out of the window and rolled your eyes, tutting at her antics.

[thisistheslay] 13:22 - I’m only joking. But I still think he’s Mando ;)

[mandoismine] 13:25 - i know haha dw. he isnt!! but i might ask him today if he works at the volume today… surely he could just TELL me that

[thisistheslay] 13:27 - DEWIT!! Hope he can tell you some secrets. Maybe he met Mando?!?!

[mandoismine] 13:30 - haha maybe. almost here now, ill text u later :)

[thisistheslay] 13:32 - Okiiiiii! Have fun with your mob boss boyfriend ;)

You couldn’t help but scoff at Ria’s antics once again. It was a running joke between the two of you that Din was either part of the mafia – hence the wealth he apparently had access to – or was The Mandalorian, given the fact he lived in Nevarro.

You thought both scenarios were equally unlikely, despite how much some of your other internet friends had teased you about the possibility of your boyfriend being The Mandalorian.

Still, it was nice that you could joke about it with Ria. It somehow made the preposterousness of the situation feel far less intense and daunting. It calmed your pounding heart as you pulled up outside Din’s cottage.

Once you headed up the familiar garden path, there was no more anxiety or tension. You were happy to soon be back in the arms of the man you loved. Which you were, barely having time to breathe for, as soon as Din opened the door, he pulled you straight into his arms.

Din often greeted you enthusiastically after spending some time apart. This time, however, was nothing short of desperation on his part as he pinned you against the door, securing his leg between your thighs as he thoroughly kissed you. His kisses were relentless as he searched your mouth with his tongue, desperate for his fill.

“Din,” you panted when he finally pulled away, “What about Grogu?”

“Grogu is out for the day with Kuiil,” Din rasped into your ear as he took your earlobe between his teeth, “It’s just the two of us, Sunflower.”

You did not dare to reply with words and waste a single second of the precious alone time you and Din had by talking. Instead, you dived back into his lips. Wasting no time in communicating with words what you could convey with your lips and tongue.

The two of you didn’t even make it upstairs to Din’s bedroom. He dragged you through the cottage, giggling breathlessly as he went before he sat down on the sofa and pulled you onto his lap. Din secured his strong arms around your waist, his hands splayed out across your back underneath your T-shirt, causing you to break out in goosebumps wherever his fingers roamed.

“So beautiful, missed you so much,” Din rasped, before your mouths collided once again.

“Missed you too,” you replied when you finally parted.

You continued hungrily making out for a few more moments, before it became impossible to ignore Din’s aching hardness underneath your lap. You moaned as you ground down on him, desperate to feel him. Din bit his lip and groaned in response. The sight was so erotic that you were pretty certain you would climax if he simply allowed you to continue riding his muscular thigh.

However, Din clearly had other plans. You barely had time to react, before Din switched positions and you were sitting on the couch. You certainly did not have a chance to speak.

Especially since the sight before you was so erotic, that all breath was stolen from your lungs.

Din sank to his knees before you, looking up at you with darkened eyes as pulled your pants and underwear down. He trailed featherlight kisses back up your legs, paying particular attention to the inside of your thighs. You groaned, wordlessly begging with your actions for him to give you the release you were aching for as you arched your back towards his waiting mouth. To put his lips where you wanted them most.

“All for me?” Din questioned, raising a brow flirtatiously as he looked at your glistening core.

“Din, please,” you whined, desperate for his touch.

Fortunately, Din was equally as desperate as you. He dove in without further delay, moving his skilled tongue as your legs trembled in ecstasy. You were desperate for more of him, eager to have him worshipping you on his knees forever. You knew he would, if only you asked.

Din did not seem to care when your thighs clamped around his skull. In fact, it spurred him on to caress parts of you with his tongue which made you see stars. You moved your hands to his hair, tangling your fingers in his soft curls and encouraging his movements.

When he finally added his thick fingers, you felt the burning in your belly transform into an inferno. Chanting the single syllable of his name as you reached ecstasy.

Afterwards, you sat there for a few moments, unable to speak, barely able to breathe. Utterly blissed out from the pleasure he had brought you. Your legs twitched uncontrollably.

Finally, when you had composed yourself enough to raise your head from where it had slumped against the back of the sofa, you sat up to look at the man who had just driven you to such heights of pleasure.

Din was still between your legs, leaning a stubbled cheek against the top of your thigh with a thoroughly satisfied smirk on his face. His warm brown eyes were full of love. You wished you could live in that moment forever. He looked so handsome, it was almost offensive to your lust-addled mind. You would have been content to spend the rest of your life in that moment.

That was until you looked down at Din’s dark grey jeans and noticed the sizable bulge that was visible. There was no way it could be comfortable. You were more than eager to offer Din some relief. It had been too long since you had the opportunity to wrap your lips around his impressive length.

“Allow me to return the favour,” you breathlessly offered, nodding towards Din’s crotch.

Din raised his head from your thigh instantly, the warmth of love and affection that had been evident in his eyes was replaced with something darker. He did not stop you as you stood from the couch on trembling legs and offered him a hand.

Din took it and when he was at his full height, you wrapped your arms around his neck and clashed your lips together with his. The heat that had disappeared down to a gentle simmer as you basked in the afterglow of your orgasm had been replaced by something far more desperate, now.

Din groaned into your lips, a sound which you heard once more when you attacked the buttons of his shirt. With the troublesome material out of the way, you placed your hand on his chest and pushed lightly until he flopped down on the couch.

Din sat there, transfixed by the sight of you with his mouth open in lust as he watched you sink to your knees between his legs. Eager to pay back the debt.

There was no point in delaying the inevitable any further and teasing him. You both knew what you wanted.

Without hesitation, you removed his throbbing length from its confines, noticing in awe how flushed the skin was there. Your mouth watered at the sight of it. It had been far too long and nothing made you feel more powerful and attractive than rendering this mountain of a man into a trembling wreck as you took him in your mouth.

You took his head in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip a few times as Din groaned your name, unable to help himself from thrusting up into your mouth. He wanted more. And you were more than happy to give it to him.

You opened your mouth and took him as far as you could, head enthusiastically bobbing up and down along his length. As always, you struggled to fit all of him in your mouth.

Still, you were determined and Din encouraged you with his fingers in your hair. When you made it far enough down, he choked your name out in ecstasy. You moved your head back with an obscene pop, catching your breath and looking up at him in adoration through your eyelashes. You were determined to provoke such a reaction in him again.

As your head bobbed up and down Din’s length with renewed urgency and determination, his moans and gasps picked up in pace and volume. You sensed he was getting close but you did not draw back, thoroughly enjoying rendering him so desperate and breathless with your mouth.

Din came with a cry of your name, fingers on the back of your head as he gasped and panted through his orgasm. You made sure you collected every last drop of him, a sight which you could tell pleased him. He groaned as you withdrew. In response, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand as you glanced up at him, satisfied with your handiwork.

Much like you a few minutes previously, Din was unable to form words. He flopped back against the couch, muscular chest heaving as his eyes stayed closed in bliss. You took his large hands in yours and pressed kisses to each one of his calloused fingers and palms. Worshipping a part of him that you loved so much.

When Din had finally regained his composure, his deep voice finally cut through the silence.

“I’m sorry, I wish I could have lasted longer,” Din apologetically murmured, “It had been too long.”

“It’s fine, Din,” you smiled, “We have plenty of time to make up for that later.”

Din nodded with a tired smirk and pulled you back onto his lap on the couch. You curled up into his neck as he grabbed the blanket which was slung over the arm of the sofa. He threw it over your bodies, a warm layer that you were pleased to be snuggled underneath. Especially since the sheen of sweat which had appeared across your bodies during the heated passion of earlier was now cooling and shivers traversed your body.

You felt your eyelids growing heavy. You put up a valiant effort to fight against sleep, but curling against Din’s side while he held you tightly was too tempting to resist…

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

The sound of a toddler crying caused your eyelids to flutter open. To your surprise, you were lying down on the couch, a pillow underneath your head rather than Din’s shoulder.

As you came to your senses and discovered how gravelly your mouth was thanks to sleep, you were momentarily disoriented, forgetting where you were. Then, with a shy smile ghosting across your lips, you remembered what you and Din had been up to before you nodded. You must have really needed the sleep, which made sense considering how exhausted you had been by a hectic week at work.

You couldn’t dwell on your impromptu nap for too long. The sound of Grogu’s wails tugged on your heartstrings. You pushed yourself up from the couch, rubbing your groggy eyes as you padded towards the kitchen.

“Is everything okay?” you murmured as you stood at the doorway.

Din was standing in the kitchen, holding Grogu who was swaddled in a blanket to his chest.

“Kuiil told me that Grogu was fussing and thinks he’s coming down with a cold,” Din sighed, his brown eyes weary, “I’m trying to give him some medicine, but he won’t take it.”

You nodded solemnly before approaching Din and Grogu, aching to see the little boy so distressed.

“Are you feeling a little poorly, buddy?” you sympathetically asked Grogu, reaching out your hand to touch his forehead with the back of your hand.

You winced as you felt that Grogu’s skin was hot to the touch. You cast your eyes towards Din, feeling awful at the way worry was etched across his features.

“Will you be good and let your dad give you some medicine?” you asked in the hope that Grogu would acquiesce, “I know it tastes yucky, but it will make you feel much better.”

Grogu looked at you with a frown, clearly not wanting to have the vile liquid pass through his lips. You stroked his cheek affectionately, pleading wordlessly with the look in your eyes. Grogu had still not said his first word, but you knew he understood the world on a deeper level than perhaps anyone else you knew.

After a few moments, Grogu nodded slowly. You smiled at him appreciatively and grabbed the bottle from Din’s hand. Luckily, Grogu accepted the medication without much fuss.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

You frowned at the footsteps from the hallway outside which indicated that Din had returned from Grogu’s room yet again. This time, you did not bother to turn over to question him on the boy’s condition. You did not want Din to think you were smothering him, so you laid there quietly and tried to fall asleep.

You had been hoping that taking the medicine would help Grogu to settle. Unfortunately, the little boy continued fussing for the entire evening. Din had anxiously chewed his lip throughout, refusing to allow Grogu out of his sight.

The man would not bat an eyelid if there was something seriously wrong with him, but when it came to someone he loved, Din was frantic with worry. His protectiveness towards the people he loved was one of the things you loved most about your boyfriend.

You had been hoping for Din’s sake, as much as Grogu’s, that his condition would improve. But that was not to be. Grogu had been listless in Din’s arms. You wished that there was something that you could do to help make the vibrant little boy well again. All you could do was stand by Din’s side as he sat on Grogu’s bed, cuddling his son and giving them some privacy when Din finally tucked him in.

Din’s anxious vigil over Grogu continued well into the night, even after Grogu had finally fallen asleep, as his latest excursion across the hallway indicated.

Despite setting up the baby monitor and cuddling up to you in bed, Din could not settle, no no matter how many times he checked the device.

Making up for before was definitely off the cards. It was one of those things you had to be prepared for and expect when dating an older man with a child. You knew that Din’s priority was Grogu, he had never attempted to hide that fact from you.

So, when the sheets rustled and Din got out of bed yet again, you did not fuss or make him feel guilty for checking on his boy. You understood that he would not be able to rest until Grogu was well again.

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

When you blinked awake early the next morning, the pale light of a new day streaming in through the windows, you did not feel the familiar soft snores which indicated Din Djarin was asleep by your side.

You were a little concerned when you rolled over to discover Din’s side of the bed empty. Your immediate fear was that Grogu’s condition had taken a turn for the worse, and Din had hurried out with him to hospital without having time to inform you.

Without hesitation, you pushed yourself from the bed and padded towards Grogu’s room, anxious for what you would discover in his tastefully furnished room.

Fortunately, you had no reason to fear.

You breathed a sigh of relief at the sight before you. Grogu was sleeping peacefully in his bed, while Din was on the floor at his side. Hulking physique barely hidden beneath a comically small blanket as he dozed.

The light streaming in through the curtains and colouring everything golden was so much like the vision you had outside the house in Notting Hill a few days ago, that it almost took your breath away. Perhaps the future you had been imagining was right here before you already. Without you even realising it.

Your heart ached at the sight. It was so touching that you contemplated grabbing your phone and snapping a picture of the perfect moment. Before you could, Din stirred, face immediately breaking into a smile once he laid eyes upon you.

“Morning, Sunflower,” Din groggily whispered.

“Morning, handsome,” you smiled, “Sleep well?”

“I did when I eventually got to sleep,” Din replied softly, careful not to wake Grogu.

“Why don’t I go and fix us some breakfast?” you questioned, eager to make yourself useful.

Din nodded gratefully, “That would be perfect.”

You blew a kiss to him before you left, deciding that pancakes would be the perfect pick-me-up for both Din and eventually Grogu, whenever he finally arose. You were relieved that Din had managed to get some sleep and that Grogu seemed to have settled.

After mixing the pancake batter and allowing it to sit for a few minutes, you were so engrossed in the task of making the sweet treats that you did not hear Din’s footsteps approaching. The first indication you had of his presence was a muscular pair of arms snaking around your waist.

“Din,” you warned, as he began kissing a path up your neck.

You refused to have the guilt of burning Din’s beautiful cottage to a crisp, too distracted by his attempt to seduce you.

“Wanna make up for last night?” he rasped into your ear, hot breath ghosting across the sensitive skin which caused a jolt of desire between your thighs.

“After I’ve finished the pancakes,” you murmured, “I worked hard on them.”

Tempting though the offer was, you were determined to treat Din to one of his favourite breakfast items. So, albeit reluctantly and not before stealing a kiss from your lips, Din retreated and patiently sat at the table, waiting for you to finish.

With the last pancake plated up, you turned to face Din. Who you discovered had stood up from the table to stand before you. Without wasting another second, he leaned in for a kiss. You groaned as he deepened it, tongue exploring yours. He tasted of minty toothpaste, indicating that his plan had not been entirely spontaneous.

“I love you,” Din whispered as he momentarily drew back, eyes overcome with an emotion you could not quite place as he cradled your chin with his hand, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb, “Thank you for being so patient with Grogu last night.”

“Of course, Din,” you smiled, giving his lips a quick peck.

When your lips met again, the frenzied desperation of moments ago was a distant memory. Din was taking his time, savouring the moment as he pinned you up against the kitchen counter. His lips descended lower and lower down your skin, trailing a hot path down the column of your neck before he pulled back your shirt, desperate to expose more skin as he nipped and sucked at your collarbone…

“Patu!”

Din instantly stopped his ministrations, drawing back from you as his chest heaved. You desperately hoped it wasn’t what you thought it was. But you would recognise that sound anywhere.

“Buir!”

There was no avoiding it now. The babbling from the baby monitor had interrupted the moment once again. Din flashed you an apologetic look and immediately dashed off to check on his son.

You sighed as you watched him go. You felt greedy to want Din all to yourself. After all, you had been equally concerned for Grogu’s welfare and loved him as much as Din did. Still, it had been so long that you had a moment together. You were frustrated that fate had conspired to keep you stressed and apart, even when together…

✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯✯

Grogu rallied throughout the afternoon, so much so that Din felt confident enough to call Kuiil to hire his services for a couple of hours, so the two of you could round off your weekend in your favourite way; taking a pleasant evening stroll together around the lush countryside near his house, before stopping for a pint in The Nevarro Arms.

The decision to visit here for the first time had been rather spontaneous, after the day you had entered the lake in Hyde Park. It seemed odd, the first time you had got in and met the landlord, a man called Greef Karga, that he had never met Din before. The Nevarro Arms appeared to be the centre of the little village in which Din lived. You shouldn’t have been surprised at the solitude you knew Din preferred, but you thought it was sad that he was so many miles from home and it hadn’t been until he met you that he had finally ventured out and about and shown his face in places.

Happily, it was now somewhere that you looked forward to visiting. Din had enthusiastically taken to pub culture. He had even come to enjoy the friendly conversations with Greef as he pulled two pints of your usual.

You loved your evenings at The Nevarro Arms. The atmosphere was cosy and homely, reminding you of home somehow in the feelings it provoked in you. You had come to learn that home was a feeling rather than a place.

This particular Sunday, though, was not like the others.

The first indication that something was different was the number of people that were gathered on the front step of the pub, next to the rose bushes that were underneath the old windows. You loathed busy pubs. A sinking feeling already began somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach.

You and Din flashed each other a curious glance, but proceeded to enter anyway.

An action that you regretted as soon as you stepped into the old pub and heard the relentless hum of people.

Your fears had been realised. The Nevarro Arms was far busier than the usual quiet Sunday evenings you had grown accustomed to. Once you took a closer look at your surroundings, you noticed that your usual table by the windows had been occupied. It only added to the chasm which was opening up in your chest. Greef always tried to save it for you, but there were many more people in here than usual.

You considered leaving, but you knew how much Din enjoyed his pints. So, you grabbed his hand and made your way over to the bar. Your favourite pub landlord enthusiastically greeted you, his entire face illuminating at the sight of you and Din.

“Nice to see you two! What can I get you, the usual?” Greef boomed.

“Yes please,” you smiled brightly, “Thank you, Greef.”

“Anything for two of my most valued customers! Sorry it’s a little bit busier here than normal tonight,” Greef said as he commenced pulling your pints.

“Oh it’s alright!” you lied, “Is there some kind of party?” you asked, inquisitively.

Greef nodded and leaned in towards you and Din, as though he were about to divulge state secrets.

“Apparently, one of the shows that films at the studios near here has just wrapped and a lot of the crew are having an unofficial wrap party before a bigger event in London next week.” Greef explained in hushed tones with a chuckle, “But don’t ask them for any details, they won’t tell me a thing!”

You threw your head back in laughter, but Din did not move a muscle. He suddenly looked incredibly anxious. You were concerned for him, but Greef handing your pint to you momentarily distracted you.

When Din paid for your drinks, you finally took a moment to observe him, noticing how his brown eyes roved across the pub. It was as though he was searching for a familiar face.

You were too distracted to let your mind wander that you were probably in a pub filled with people who had worked on your favourite TV show. Instead, you were preoccupied with the way Din’s fist had tensed, where he was resting it on the bar, at the mention of the TV show.

It was noticeable how his entire body suddenly went stiff. He looked around the pub apprehensively, shoulders slumping as though he was trying to hide. There he was again, giving the theories that Ria had more credence. Still, you knew Din didn’t like big groups of people. Especially strangers.

So you tried your best to push those doubts to the back of your mind, even if it was part of a larger pattern that had caused you to question certain things over the course of your relationship.

Din’s behaviour after you left the bar and found a table however, gave you increasing cause for concern. As you sat there, sipping your usual pint of cider, he was quiet, withdrawn. Chewing his lip nervously as his brown eyes stared so intently at the pint of cider on the table like it was the only thing in the world. It was almost as if he had physically shrunk in stature, broad shoulders hunched over, as though he was trying to make himself as small as possible.

Suddenly, it was as though the transcripts of conversations you had had late at night with your friends in the groupchat came flooding back. Their reactions when you had told them about the proximity of your boyfriend’s place to the studios where your collective favourite TV show was filmed, how they had been so keen to get the gossip about it from a local and begged you to bring it up.

Half of them were convinced Din worked on The Mandalorian but was sworn to secrecy, it had started in jest at first, but the more you told them about Din, the more crazy theories they were making. It had been fun at first, but they needed to remember it was your actual life! It was far from the playful way that Ria kept ribbing you that he was actually playing Mando, they were veering into conspiracy theory territory.

Perhaps they had been onto something after all. Din’s entire demeanour had completely shifted since Greef had told you what the party was in honour of.

You looked up from the table where you were sitting and noticed what you were sitting in front of. It was a spot in the pub you had always gazed at as you walked past, but never had the chance to sit and admire. Din was always eager to quickly move past this particular section of the pub.

With it being the only available table tonight, it seemed that you would finally have your chance to bring up something you had been dying to for weeks. It wasn’t as though your boyfriend was particularly forthcoming with conversation, either.

So you sat there, glancing up at the pictures and art that was a sort of shrine to the sci-fi franchise that was, in your mind, the most iconic of all time. A franchise that you had grown up with, but never truly loved until you watched Mando, the show that had comforted you at your worst moments.

The fact that Din might be linked to that piqued your curiosity as much as it concerned you, given his current bizarre behaviour.

So, you decided to finally bring it up. You were tired of all the uncertainty:

“It’s pretty cool that they have all this memorabilia from the productions filmed here,” you observed, as you gazed around at all of the signed photos and posters that had been donated by various cast members, including by the big three from the original Star Wars trilogy.

“It is,” Din nodded, deliberately avoiding making eye contact with you.

His brown eyes were fixated on a menu in a way that was unusual, considering you were so known for ordering the same thing every weekend that Greef knew precisely what you were going to order when you walked up to the bar to place it.

“I do think it’s kind of a crazy coincidence, though, how my favourite show shoots only a mile away from here. A mile from where you live,” you shrugged, sipping your cider thoughtfully, “Have you ever seen any of the cast around?”

“No, I haven’t,” Din replied sharply.

“It’s just a weird coincidence, that’s all. You say work brought you here to Nevarro and yet, apart from those studios, there is nothing else here.”

“Yep. Weird coincidence,” Din confirmed, still not making eye contact with you. Staring at the menu for so long that you knew he could have read it ten times over.

“Wait, why are you being so defensive? It’s not like you’re actually The Mandalorian,” you questioned teasingly, laughing at what you thought was clearly a joke.

Your laughs soon died on your lips, as you noticed Din’s reaction to the joke. He tensed up completely, flinching as you had said that name.

You were sure you had seen him visibly recoil.

There was something there, you knew it.

Still, at that moment your chief concern was for him. The playful banter and flirting that had been present on the walk you had enjoyed before you had stopped here for your usual pint were gone, replaced by a tension and unease in the air that made you feel sick to the pit of your stomach.

“Wait, Din… I was only joking,” you clarified, fearing that despite everything, you had upset him.

“Finish your drink. Then let’s go,” Din said, slamming down the menu on the table and draining his pint with the astonishing quickness of a seasoned cider drinker that you knew he was not. Perhaps he needed some Dutch courage.

“We can just leave, Din,” you reassured him. Suddenly the rest of your pint did not appeal to you, despite how much you enjoyed it and could taste the freshness of the apples that were farmed only a few miles away from here, “I don’t want you to be upset.”

Din nodded and stood to his feet, offering you his hand. He was being astonishingly quiet and your heart ached, seeing him retreat into his shell like this. The cosy Sunday evening that you had been so looking forward to all week – The Nevarro Arms really had the best cider offerings – would not be on the menu today. Instead, just a lot of tension and unease. It was the worst possible way to end your weekend.

It almost broke your heart.

You had almost made it out of the pub without further incident. You could see the pale blue sky after the sunset through the glass of the door, you could almost taste the sweet air of the warm summer night.

Then, it happened.

The moment which caused your jaw to drop in disbelief.

The moment which proved to you beyond all doubt that your suspicions had not been unfounded delusions.

As, at the same moment that you went to push on the heavy door that led to the quiet street outside the pub, it opened from the other side. You almost stumbled forward as the door you were expecting to be there had already been opened, but fortunately you caught yourself in time.

At first you were slightly disoriented, but then you noticed that you had almost crashed into someone else. He was a portly man who was taller than you. You had not yet looked at his face, just saw his chest area and the bright blue polo shirt he was wearing.

As you trailed your eyes upwards, your mouth opened in shock. Staring right back at you, from behind a pair of black glasses, was a man that you would recognise anywhere.

A man who had created the character that you loved more than anything else in the world.

A man whose scripts you had poured over for hours and hours, both by yourself and with your friends.

The man standing before you was Jim Freeman, creator of The Mandalorian.

But he wasn’t even looking at you. It was like you were invisible, despite the fact you had almost bumped into each other.

No, his brown eyes were looking straight over your shoulder.

Jim Freeman was staring at Din. The flicker of recognition across his face was unmistakable.

Somehow, the writer and creator of The Mandalorian knew your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend who had, just minutes ago, frozen up completely when you had jokingly accused him of being The Mandalorian. Your head was spinning.

You turned to look back at Din, a question on your lips. A question that was never asked. Din placed his hand on the small of your back and practically shoved you through the door, apologising to Jim on the way out.

Somehow you had made it out of the pub, but you were now standing there on the pavement, frozen. Your brain was struggling to catch up, to piece together everything that had happened.

You were brought back by the sounds of Din’s footsteps as he walked away at a brisk pace. Should you follow him? Should you stay here and confront him?

No, that would cause a scene. You were reeling from what had just happened, but you knew you had to follow him. There was no avoiding the conversation that needed to take place now. You couldn’t comprehend it, if you were right, if what your gut was telling you was correct, Din had more than a little explaining to do.

How could this even be possible? This kind of thing just did not happen to people like you.

You realised, with a sickening clarity that felt like a punch to your gut, that Din had been hiding something huge from you. There was no other explanation for his behaviour.

As you followed his silhouette down the country lanes, your mind was replaying all the little memories, the moments that had caused you to question who he was.

The first time you met, the comment he had made to Grogu about the Sutton Hoo helmet, the way that Din had mentioned being at the convention, how uncomfortable he seemed when you passed that child in the Mando shirt at the zoo.

The pieces were all falling together for you. But it couldn’t be true… how could it? This was surely the universe’s idea of a sick joke. There was no way that this man who had once been so shy and reserved, who was such a devoted father could be the same man behind the most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy. Who, onscreen, could snap a platoon of Stomtrooper’s necks like it was nothing.

You knew Mando wasn’t real, that whoever was behind him was just an actor, but the contrast…. It was too much for you to comprehend that he could be the same person.

Din continued marching ahead of you. You had noticed that he did not take your hand like he usually did, indeed as he had done when you set out on your walk before stopping at the pub. Instead, he walked several paces ahead of you, eager to get home. You were about to tell him to slow down, to wait up, but he looked back over his shoulder and called out to you.

“Please, let’s just get home,” Din said desperately, out of breath on a walk that did not usually exert someone of his fitness level.

You were stunned, he had never treated you like this.

Suddenly, whatever he was hiding from you seemed unimportant compared to this new side of him that you were being exposed to. Din had always been so careful, so caring, so attentive around you. This behaviour was unlike anything you had ever seen from him before. It made your blood run cold, sent a shiver down your spine that was unrelated to the rapidly cooling countryside air after the sun had finally set and the shorts you were dressed in.

Luckily, Din’s cottage was not too far from the pub and before too long you were walking across the uneven slabs in the front garden which led to the door.

However, Din was so anxious that he was fumbling with the stiff, old lock. It almost took him longer to open the door than it took to walk back from the pub. You felt your worry increase as you noticed the way Din’s hands were trembling. He never seemed fazed by anything, until your little joke.

Finally, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Din did not even look back at you. He kicked his shoes off and removed his coat, as if he was some kind of robot. He was about to ascend the stairs up to Grogu’s room, but you called after him, enraged about the way he was ignoring you. Especially after the events which had transpired in The Nevarro Arms.

“Din, please tell me what on Earth is going on?” you almost shouted, near hysterical at this point.

“Please, keep it down!” Din pleaded as he paused on the stairs, “Grogu is probably sleeping and Kuiil is still here. Let me get rid of him, and then we need to talk,” Din whispered.

“Alright,” you breathed, your arms folded across your body in a self-soothing gesture, shaking your head as you glared at him.

You were spiralling. What had he been hiding from you, all this time?

Clearly, your body language unnerved Din. He addressed you once again, brown eyes wide with worry.

“Please, Sunflower… I promise we will talk. Why don’t you go and start a fire outside in the pit? I'll just say goodnight to Kuiil and set up the baby monitor. Then I’ll be out to join you,” Din begged, his eyes glinting despite the darkness of the cottage.

If you weren’t so unbelievably annoyed at him, you were certain that you would be marvelling at how absurdly handsome he looked even with the lack of light as he ascended the stairs opposite the door.

The brown shirt and dark blue jeans that he had worn for your walk was one of your favourite outfits. Din had allowed his brown hair to grow slightly longer over the past few weeks and you marvelled once more at how much it suited him.

And his eyes…

Those deep brown eyes had made your heart ache for all the right reasons over the past few weeks, but now they were breaking you for a very different reason.

Your mind was racing as you made your way to the outside to light a fire in the fire pit. Simultaneously eager to have and dreading the difficult conversation you were certain was heading your way. Your hands shook uncontrollably as you gathered the kindling and placed the logs in the fire pit.

Din found you out there a few minutes later in the darkness, still struggling with the matches. He had silently crept outside and shocked you with his presence. Much like how he had snuck up on you earlier that morning as you made him pancakes. Except this time, there was no kissing. This time, there was no laughter.

Din gently took the box from you and struck the matches with alarming ease, despite how nervous he looked. You weren’t sure if it was just the chilly air, or the fact that what he was about to tell you was something that was making him incredibly nervous.

With the flames finally leaping into the darkness and finally providing some much needed warmth, Din took a seat on one of the logs by the fire pit. You remained on your feet, pacing around anxiously while he watched.

“Din, please explain to me your bizarre reaction to that question and why the guy who I know for a fact created The Mandalorian looked at you like that,” your voice trembled, struggling to get the words out that you knew could make or break everything.

Din could not make eye contact with you, fiddling with his thumbs as he stared into the flames.

“Please, don’t lie to me. I need to know the truth,” you implored him.

Din sighed deeply, clearly gathering himself together. You braced yourself for whatever it was.

When he finally spoke, you were scarcely able to believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“There’s… there’s something I’ve been hiding from you since we first met,” Din finally speaks, his ordinarily measured, steady voice cracking and uncertain. “I just… There were so many times when I should have told you, when I could have spared you any pain. I didn’t want it to come out like this, I didn’t want you to connect the dots without me…” Din was about to continue, but you couldn’t help your reaction.

“Oh my god… it’s true…” you whispered, hand coming up to clamp over your mouth in surprise. It felt like your stomach had just fallen out of your body. Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth as your knees threatened to buckle underneath you. You could not comprehend what you were sure he was about to tell you.

“I’m so sorry,” Din breathed.

“I need to hear you say it,” you demanded, shaking your head at him.

“I’m… I am The Mandalorian…” Din whispered. His voice trembled and his shoulders hunched forward as he said those words that confirmed your suspicions, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…”

“Did you… know?” you whispered, feeling the hot sting of tears beginning to burn your eyes and cheeks harshly, “I mean, did you know how much I love the show when you started dating me?”

“Sunflower, listen. I…” Din stuttered.

“Don’t call me that!” you shouted, voice far louder than you intended. You were not prepared to give him a second to justify his actions, instantly following up with another question, “Is that why you targeted me, Din? Oh she loves Mando, she’ll be easy to use for a quick fuck!”

“No, I would never do that,” Din shook his head emphatically, but you were not satisfied.

“All these months, I’ve been so honest with you,” you choked, struggling to hold back the tears now, “Look where it got me!”

“Please, listen to me. I can explain, I…” Din pleaded.

“How many other girls have you used like this, Din Djarin? How many other girls have you held your title, your role over them to get them into bed!” you were hysterical now. Fortunately, the fire pit was away from the house so there was no danger of waking Grogu.

“I never used my role to influence you, to get you into bed. How could I, when you had no idea?” Din added calmly, “The way I felt about you was real. Everything about us… it’s always been real. I regret keeping that from you, but I promise, I have never lied to you when I told you I loved you.”

“How many others?” you gritted out, certain that if Din had lied to you about one thing, there must be more secrets he was keeping.

All those insecurities came flooding back to you. How could someone like Din ever have fallen for you, a lowly museum worker?

“You are the only one, baby, please. I love you,” Din whispered, his eyes filling with tears as he stood up and approached you.

“No, shut the fuck up, Din! You do not do something like this and then tell me that you love me! Our entire relationship, built on a lie. The worst lie you could have ever told me,” you were powerless, now, to stop the trembling, nor the tears that streaked down your cheeks, “My friends, they suspected something, tried to tell me that it was suspicious how rich you were and how close you lived to the studios. They knew! I told them they were delusional, turns out I was the delusional one for ever trusting you!”

“I know. I regret not telling you, more than you could know. But I just…” Din could hardly get a word in, your hysterical ramblings continued:

“Oh my god, that night in the suite. When I got the bottle of champagne delivered and it was for Jim Freeman, it wasn’t a mistake or a coincidence. Fuck!” you yelled, sobbing now, “It was him! The Jim Freeman, you knew back then and you didn’t tell me. We slept together, Din! We told each other we loved each other! I got close to your son! How could you lie like this?!”

“Look. I know how angry you are…” Din began.

“ANGRY?! Din, I’m devastated!” you bellowed.

Din took a step back from you.

You took a second to compose yourself, and added in a quieter voice, “I feel used, lied to.”

“Please don’t–”

“I feel like a fool. I feel humiliated. I just, I can’t do this anymore,” you admitted.

“Please don’t leave me, don’t leave me and Grogu,” Din pleaded as he took a step towards you and tried to reach his hand out to you.

“Don’t you dare use Grogu against me, Din!” you exclaimed as you stepped backwards, away from him. “I love that little boy and he is innocent in all of this! It’s not his fault his father is a fucking liar!”

“I know, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean it like that,” Din instantly apologised.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” you said, from behind gritted teeth, “Or were you just going to lie to me forever?”

“Baby, I tried my hardest never to lie to you. I just… I couldn’t tell you the truth, my identity has to stay secret…” Din explained, the term of endearment he used boiling your blood further.

“Oh don’t start with that, Din!” you exclaimed. “I don’t care what legal agreements you have. You should have told me! We were talking about moving in together, about making a life together. How could you do that when you knew you were keeping such a secret from me?”

“I… I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry. I just wanted to protect you. I was going to tell you so many times, but I’ve been a coward,” Din said, staring down at the ground below as his broad shoulders drooped. He looked so forlorn, so broken that your heart ached despite your anger.

“Yes, you are!” you exclaimed, “You’re a complete coward, and a liar!”

There was silence for a few moments as the two of you stood there. You were breathing deeply, you could hear your pulse throbbing in your ears. Your jaw was clenched so tightly that you feared it would hurt tomorrow.

You looked over towards the fire, focusing on the way it leapt into the air and the sounds of the wood crackling to ground yourself. The rage you had felt slowly dissipated, replaced with something on an entirely different spectrum of emotions: sadness and defeat.

“Please, let’s talk about this…” Din begged.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Din,” you said quietly, the anger in your voice had been replaced with sorrow. You were defeated, broken, “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well let me just tell you over, and over, how sorry I am,” Din begged, his deep voice strained.

“You can, but I won’t accept it,” you sighed, folding your arms against the chill that you suddenly felt. The fire had lost its effectiveness with the strong emotions that coursed through your veins.

“At least let me call you a ride home and let me wait with you while it arrives?” Din offered.

“Call me that cab but I’m waiting outside. I can’t do this,” you said, shaking your head as you walked away from him.

You had thought that you had got all of your anger and aggression out of your system, but as you entered the back door of the cottage and walked through the kitchen, you felt something stirring inside of you.

You stopped by the fridge which had a collection of Grogu’s drawings – drawings of you and Din, drawings that you had helped Grogu with – pinned to it with magnets. Din had not only ruined the relationship between the two of you, he had robbed you of all the love and affection you held for Grogu, affection that Grogu clearly held for you. There were drawings of sunflowers, childish scribbles in crayon of yellow, black and green that were unmistakably the flower which Din had associated with you after your very first meeting you.

As you stood there, seething, you felt the rage bubbling up inside of you again.

When Din finally entered the cottage behind you after calling the cab, you bolted. You headed straight for the front door.

Before you left completely, you turned over your shoulder and threw three words at him that you regretted the second they were out, that you could never take back: “I HATE YOU!”

Din was standing there in your wake as you made your way outside. You refused to look back, fearing that if you did, you would see how upset he was. Your heart would break at the sight of his devastation. If you saw him so broken, you feared that you would never leave.

But you had to. There was no way you could ever trust him again.

The anger dissipated as you stood there, shivering in the cold. Replaced with deep sadness. The tears had returned, now streaming down your cheeks silently. You did take one last look back at the cottage, though, as you looked up to the window of the room that you knew belonged to Grogu.

“Goodbye Grogu,” you whispered, whimpering slightly as you uttered the words.

The little boy that you loved so much was completely innocent in all of this. He had been through so much and deserved everything, it wasn’t his fault that his father was a despicable coward.

Mercifully, the taxi arrived quickly and you did not have to stand there for too long. You clambered in without hesitation.

There was no dramatic scene like something straight out of a rom-com where Din came bounding down the path, making an apology that you accepted instantly. Before he declared his love for you and scooped you up into his arms and took you inside. No, you just got into the cab when it arrived and sat there in absolute silence until the driver confirmed your address and that your journey had already been paid for. Then, you moved off.

Before the secluded little cottage that you had spent so many days making such happy memories with Din faded away into the distance, you had already descended into full body sobs in the back of the cab, with only a bemused cabbie for company.

Despite everything, you yearned to feel Din at your side, his comforting soothing presence as he wrapped you up in his arms and made you feel safe. It was a cottage that you had created so many memories of with the man that you had unquestionably fallen in love with.

It hurt that those memories were now with the very man who had lied to you. A man who had abused your trust in the worst way possible. The gravity of his lie was too great to even entertain his excuses, that he loved you, that he wanted to protect you. It was all just empty words to make him feel better.

As the cottage faded out of sight, you knew with absolute certainty that it was the last time you would ever lay eyes upon it. You would never see Din again. He had broken your heart, shattered it entirely.

Getting involved with an older man with far much more money than you could ever hope to earn had always been a risk, you had known that.

Still, most younger women got their heart broken for completely different reasons in these situations. Yours was a unique situation that may have been comical, were it not so utterly devastating.

How could you even begin to comprehend that the very same man who had been with you for months had been behind the character that you had fallen with?

All the times that you had marvelled at how quickly you had bonded with Din, how you felt as though you had known him for a while… you realised with a sickening twist in your stomach that you had.

That the very man you had been falling in love with for the past few months was the person from your favourite TV show, a show that had gotten you through your worst days and darkest hours, now you wouldn’t even have Mando there for you.

Your spiralling, rapid thoughts were interrupted by the taxi pulling up outside your building.

Din had already paid for your taxi, so mercifully the human interaction was kept to a bare minimum as you exited, grateful that the darkness hid your puffy, tear-stained cheeks. You ascended the stairs up to your poxy flat, fumbling with the keys on shaking hands just as Din had done before you finally unlocked the door.

It was past midnight now, you should have been cuddled up with Din in his idyllic cottage, not returning to your flat alone, brokenhearted. But life was cruel and here you were, entering your cold, dark flat alone.

Before you even grasped your intentions, you marched to your bedroom. You tore your beloved Mando poster off the wall, ripping it to shreds with your bare hands before the destructive act even sunk in. You wanted nothing more to do with that show, you never wanted to even think about it again.

The Mando figures on your bookshelves were snatched up too, thrown in the bin without even a second thought. Some of them were collectibles worth a considerable sum, but you didn’t even care.

You fantasised about melting their stupid fucking helmets off.

With your destruction complete and your bedroom entirely Mando-free, you pulled your phone out to type the message to Ria with the words that you could scarcely believe were true. You briefly contemplated that you were probably violating several dozen Disney NDAs by doing so. But you didn’t care, quite frankly. Din deserved it. You typed, with shaking fingers:

[mandoismine] 00:07 - you were right. din djarin is the mandalorian.

Then you pulled the covers tight around yourself, and cried yourself to sleep.

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jemmo · 1 year

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i can’t tell you how much i usually hate these ignoring, distancing plots in shows and how much i absolutely adore everything about these 2 episodes of the eighth sense. like im not having a good time, and it’s fantastic.

bc the thing is, in all of this, i can’t see the right way to go, i can’t find the person to blame, i can’t find the way to make it better. I can’t single out a single moment or a thing someone did and say “this is why everything went wrong”. it’s just this coming together and rise and swell of things happening and people feeling things that has us ending up here and it feels beautifully and horribly organic bc we can’t find that point where it all went wrong. was it on that rooftop? was it at the beach? was it when they first met? was it when his brother died? was it when he was born into this family? there is no single point. it’s all of them and it’s none of them. there is truly nothing and no one to blame. and there are bad characters in the show, people you can hate, eunji and taehyung, but neither of them are to blame for any of the bad stuff that happens in the show. you’re not waiting for them to be taken down bc that doesn’t solve anything. instead, it’s just two people hurting, and not knowing how to make it better.

bc you take jaewon, and after what he says at the end of ep 8, you want to hate him, you want to be so angry at him for what he says, for how he acts, how dismissive and hurtful he is, and yet you’ve been made to understand 100% why, and not just in a “i get it but that wasn’t the right thing to do” way, in a “that was horrible and yet i know he doesn’t see any other way to handle this” way. like you don’t see this as a misstep, or a step to far, bc you know for him, in his state of mind, it is completely justified, it’s necessary. bc it not only punishes the person he blames for all of this, himself, but he sees it as a way to protect jihyun. and not even in a cliche “bad things happen when people around me, the people I love always get hurt” kinda way, but more so in that he sees that he is a scared, messy, struggling person that doesn’t know how to handle himself, and doesn’t want to inflict that on anyone, let alone the person he cares about. so what’s worse, a quick, swift blow that hurts but cuts everything off cleanly, or this prolonged relationship where he inevitably continues to weigh jihyun down with the weight of his trauma, and take it out on him. what’s the point of having a place of refuge when you ruin it more and more every time you depend on it, until it eventually can’t offer you comfort. it’s a lesser of two evils, jaewon’s choice is obvious to him.

but then you take jihyun. and we talk about masks and fronts but we never once question whether jihyun wears a mask bc he appears so sweet and innocent and naive, what can this boy possibly be putting up a front for. but i see it, this almost fake it till you make it confidence front that yes is becoming more natural. but my god just think about what he’s gone through for a second. think about it. left home for the first time in his life, moved to an unfamiliar and intimidating city with only one other person he knows, started a new job, started university, tried to build relationships, met a man that intrigues him, and perused him only to be kissed and then ignored, then maybe establish something tentative, only to then see him spiral, go on a trip where he shared his trauma, you have an intimate night together only to almost die, and then be not only ignored, but plain and simple rejected and pushed away. like… you can say all you want about jihyun growing as a person and having more courage, but no amount of growth for however many months this has been going on for can prepare you for that. for the mixed messages on steroids. for the back and forth, not knowing. to give yourself to someone like that and go through something traumatic and then be abandoned by that person. we get it, bc we see all of jaewon’s story. but apart from what jaewon shared at the beach, jihyun doesn’t know any more than that. he doesn’t know about therapy, about how his father acts towards him, about the extent of his trauma and how it manifests and affects his mental health, and how he is struggling every single day. and you can’t expect him to know the depths of that no matter how empathetic and connected he is, how much he cares about jaewon, he can’t be superhuman. and so you get why he pushes and fights for jaewon. like… he is in love. it’s clear. he’s fallen in love with him. he is this wide-eyed, open kid that fell in love with a senior. and jaewon has just messed with his head, he’s never been clear, and you can’t expect jihyun to just get past that bc he knows something is up with jaewon. he can’t know the full story, but even if he did, that can’t be a reason or a justification to be treated the way jaewon treats him. bc we’re all about jaewon putting himself first and doing what he wants and respecting himself like that, but jihyun deserves that too. and it’s such a fine line to tread when you know someone is going through something, bc again you understand why, but you’re still the one being treated that way. like we talk about jaewon’s trauma, but here jihyun was part of it, he went through that traumatic experience. he’s the one that nearly lost his life. and yes, he appears to handle it well, and no matter to what extent that’s true or not, you can’t not look at jaewon struggling and understand it and then not look at jihyun with that same understanding. it’s not about comparing trauma and pain and deciding who is suffering more, it’s seeing that there are two people in this, and they’ve both been affected, so we should give them the same level of understanding.

and that’s something jaewon has to see. that his self-preservation is selfish. that his destructive behavior doesn’t just affect jihyun, instead it feels pointed and directed, bc every way jaewon hurts himself hurts jihyun. and it comes bc jihyun was so much of what was good about jaewon’s life for a second, so attacking that is his only form of self-sabotage. he can’t mess up his relationship with his friends or parents bc they were broken in the first place, and he can’t sabotage his future bc it’s already been ruined the moment he didn’t pursue his photography major. him nearly getting kicked out of school affected him so little not just bc he wanted that punishment, but bc even that punishment meant so little to him. all these things are established and they already contribute to his suffering. removing jihyun from his life is the only active thing he can do to make himself feel worse, and he can veil it in an act of protection, and even feel like he’s doing the right thing, but that deceives them both into believing this is done from a good place, when no good can actually come of it. in trying to protect jihyun, you hurt him more. in trying to hurt yourself, you hurt him too. and when someone is in a headspace like jaewon is, you look for that thing that’ll break through. bc he is so distant, he’s trying to remove himself from reality, and jihyun needs to act as this person that can anchor him to it. when you’re trying to isolate and separate yourself, sometimes seeing that you still affect things, that there’s a persons that exists that is affected and hurt by your actions, and no matter how you try to cut yourself off, you cannot stop that, separating yourself still hurts them, maybe that’s a thing that can get through. but that’s something that depends on jaewon. ultimately, he’s the only one that can get himself out of this place, and that’s what makes it so hard, that no matter how much jihyun cares and how much he fights for him, nothing can come of that effort is jaewon doesn’t meet him there. and it’d be so easy for jihyun to give in, to take the hurt, but over the course of this show we’ve seen the strength jihyun has developed, which has only seemed to increase more so after the accident, call it a renewed vigor for life or something. he has the strength that jaewon doesn’t, to not let his pain consume him. and in a beautiful full-circle moment, it’s because of jaewon, bc when they first spoke he sparked in jihyun a want to be stronger, to be more than the country mouse, and he’s done it. and it’s that courage that means he can fight for jaewon, even in the face of rejection. he trusts himself and that he knows jaewon, the real jaewon, to see past words that are intended to hurt them both, and go after the person that’s still inside jaewon somewhere. no, he can’t do it for him, and no them being together is not some magical cure for jaewon, but it’s what can put him on a path of caring for himself again, and sometimes that has to start with caring about someone else (and suddenly I’m reminded of my beautiful man 2 and how kiyoi tries to break hira out of his worthless mindset by making him care about him, and how ultimately that can’t be enough, and that hira has to take those first steps of seeing his self worth by himself). what jihyun can do by fighting is again act as that tether to reality and try to be this representation of the good jaewon can be and do. bc look at jihyun, look at how confident and strong he has become, and look at how he got there, bc you saw that country mouse and gave him the time of day and helped him grow and gave him new experiences. you jaewon, you. and that shift in mindset, from jihyun representing hurt and the accident and the trauma of his brother and everything he can’t do, to being that light and refuge and everything he can do is again something that might breaks through. and the fact it has such narrative strength and satisfaction makes me hopeful that that’s what we might actually get.

#I did a rant #I’ve done a lot of rants actually they’re all just sitting in my notes bc they all got a little too much #my thoughts are a literal mess and I am still struggling to put them in all the right words #mostly bc the way jaewon is behaving and not to be too overinvolved is very reminiscent of *me*#and so watching him shut down and remove himself knowing it’s something i do is hard and frustrating #and I did a whole rant about it but I realised I need to separate myself from the character to be able to talk about it #so yeah #I really wanted to bring up jihyun tho #bc he presents as so strong in these two eps but you cannot argue against what he’s been through and the effect that would have on anyone #and try to see it from a perspective where we don’t know what jaewon is going through and just see his actions and realise how much he has #messed with jihyun again not at all on purpose but that 1000 to nothing jihyun went through from the trip to the accident and it’s aftermath #that’s a fucking lot #and it’s interesting that we talk so much about people putting themselves first and not putting up with shit #like I think of simon from young royals and how we celebrate him saying no to being willhelms secret as an act of self-respect #but bc we understand and empathise so much with what jaewon is going through it’s hard to make yourself even consider jihyun #but when you do see it from his side you realise it’s a lot for him too #and that you wouldn’t hate him or misunderstand him if he was mad at jaewon #and with *spoliers* is there only so much he can take of jaewon’s self sabotage hurting him until even he and his developed strength and #confidence is broken by it #he can only keep fighting for jaewon for so long and idk if it’s gonna be a case of jaewon coming round too little too late #but I just hope this isn’t easy which sounds mean I don’t want either of them to suffer more #but this isn’t a kiss and get back together and all is good #I think jaewon needs to see the bad he’s caused #bc it’s only by owning up to that that he can ground himself in the moment and see that he’s part of this world and can’t separate himself #from it and jihyun also needs to realise that no matter his headspace jaewon does want space and when someone is self sabotaging you still #have to listen and respect what they’re saying distance means distance and as much as you want to fight against it you can’t be responsible #for making it work #agh I need to stop rambling bc it’s so messy and complex and I just absolutely ADORE the level to which this situation has so many emotional #moving parts and how ultimately blameless they both are and how it makes it so much harder to see a way out it’s fantastic #the eighth sense

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