#I swear I do stuff but it's school related and most of it is not very interesting to show

[sheerakk]

final and first design of Shally for animation class.

I also have a comic assigment to do and I plan to use her in it as well as my Johan character from concept art assigment.

[twstowo]

Twst/DDV AU? [OB!Characters]

Has anyone ever done a Twisted Wonderland/Disney Dreamlight Valley AU? A reader that comes from DDV, who knows and even grew up with all of the seven (I know not all of them are in the game, but they surely can be added with time), and the reader just keeps on talking about them as if they were friends. The scandal!

Riddle would collar you as soon as you dared to speak so casually of the Queen of Hearts, but once you showed him some pictures of you and the Queen going on tea parties, he would be so sorry for it. He would be fascinated with you because if the Queen was that close of a friend with you, surely it was for a good reason!

Leona would be somewhat impressed. I mean, Scar isn't one to be friendly with anyone, so you getting along with Scar would make him want to find out how interesting you truly are.

As soon as Azul hears that you are friends with Ursula, you are getting promotional coupons for Monstro Lounge. You want something that isn't on the menu? He's got you covered! Someone is annoying you? They will be taken care of! Of course, all of it comes at a cost. Azul wants to know everything about his greatest idol, Ursula!

Kalim would be fascinated to learn that you know any of the seven. He would want you to spend the day at Scarabia just so you could share all your childhood tales with them. Kalim might even host a party so that everyone could come together and listen to your stories. In the middle of all those tales, you notice that whenever you bring up Jafar, Jamil seems to be somewhat more interested in the topic.

By the Seven! Vil wants—no, he needs to know all the details. Is she as beautiful as they state in the stories? Just like Kalim, you spend most of the time telling everything to Vil like some gossip. He will be doing your makeup while you talk. Rook joins to ask you about Snow White, and you swear that you had never seen Vil roll his eyes so badly at someone.

Idia wouldn't be very interested in the subject. Or would he? He can't deny that it is kind of impressive you knowing the Seven and even being friends with all of them. He'd probably overhear some of your stories through some cameras, and soon Ortho would catch him being so enthralled in them that he would invite you over to meet his brother in person. Much to Idia's dismay.

This literally means you know Malleus's grandmother, you totally have her blessing for the two of you to get married. He would be so surprised! And when you go into full detail with various stories, he can't stop but hear them, almost as if he is looking at some gargoyles.

When you return to Dreamlight Valley and meet up with the Seven, you talk about all the boys you have met that oddly resemble each of them. Slowly, this seems to turn into a betting game between the Seven to see which one of the boys you will end up with. Each one of them will hold your attention for as long as possible to talk about their favorite, and they will sabotage everyone's ideas.

You will be having a tea party with Riddle, the two of you laughing at some silly stories you were telling him. The Queen of Hearts is so giddy and happy, and then it starts raining heavily, ruining the tea date. Maleficia grins at The Queen of Hearts for ruining her plans.

One day, you are napping with Leona in the botanical garden, enjoying such a peaceful moment. He is reaching for you, trying to take you in a hug when suddenly a bucket of water is dropped on top of him! Oops! You look at the student in question, and for a second, feel that their eyes had a weird tone of color to them but didn't question it as you watched Leona run after them. There you have Jafar mocking Scar's lazy tactics.

Eating lunch with Azul, the two of you talk about school-related stuff, his hand getting slowly closer to yours on top of the table. But before he can hold it, he starts coughing, needing to excuse himself to the bathroom. The Evil Queen laughs, having tampered with Azul's food, and Ursula can only watch as she plans her revenge.

Jamil and you are cooking; he is teaching you some of the dishes from Scalding Sands. You watch as he places his hand on top of yours, trying to demonstrate how to correctly cut the vegetables, and then a fire starts! Jamil apologizes millions of times, for this had never happened before. And Jafar rolls his eyes as he hears Hades's laugh behind him.

Helping you pick out some clothes, Vil decides that the best option would be making custom clothes for you. He takes your measurements, touching your soft skin with the excuse of getting the right fit. The intimate moment gets interrupted when a thunderbolt sounds outside, and you watch as Vil's face pales, he had nicked himself with the needle, piercing his perfect skin. He leaves you there alone for the next few moments, as The Evil Queen takes notes on how to ruin Maleficia's day.

Malleus and you are walking around the school campus at night on your typical stroll. There is a small lake next to the two of you, your hands touching from time to time as he slowly gains the courage to fully take hold of your hand. However, a fish literally spits water on him, ruining the moment. Maleficia needs to hold her own magical powers before she fries Ursula.

I didn't write about Scar and The Queen of Hearts sabotaging the dates because, to be honest, I don't know what they could do. I believe Scar would heavily focus on talking about how Leona is perfect for you in every aspect, flaunting his wealth and good looks. The Queen of Hearts would also have a similar approach, she would invite you to have some tea with her while speaking of Riddle's charm and his composed gentleman ways.

──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

If you liked this post check out @twisted-wonderland-but-gayer they have a whole collection of stories with the seven and they are all amazing!

[wakandas-vibranium]

Wednesday Nights || Part One

Pairing: Pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, smutty smut, phone sex, dirty talk, teasing, swearing, sex work

Word count: 3.5k

Summary: As a single parent of an active kid Joel’s funds were tight, so he needed to find a quick way to make more income and surprisingly, you could make good money being a phone sex operator.

A/N: I kept daydreaming about Joel being a PSO. When I went to search for related fics I couldn’t find any so I wrote one :) Please like, comment and reblog!

part two

part three

part four

part five

Your nerves deteriorated with each passing minute. It was almost ten o'clock. On most days, the time didn't matter, but today was Wednesday. Wednesday nights were highly essential for you. 

For the past five months, you've been making late-night phone calls to talk to a specific phone sex operator named Jay. You had a sneaking suspicion that "Jay" wasn't actually his name, but you didn’t let that bother you. You understood that the operators were obligated to follow certain procedures for their own safety. 

Except for the few small truths he told you, Jay's personal life was a vast mystery to you. All you gathered about him from your extensive conversations was that he was a man in his early thirties from the southern parts of the United States who enjoyed a good cup of coffee before starting his day. He never specified where in the south he grew up, but the Texan drawl sounded too genuine to be artificial.

On Wednesdays, Jay only worked until 11 o'clock, so the two of you came to the conclusion fairly early on that you should dial in a little after 10 in order to ensure that you were his final call of the day.

You managed to calm your nerves by doing a little dance. You twirled in circles until you found yourself standing in front of your full-length mirror that was intentionally placed in front of your bed. You stopped dancing and stood there, appreciating your half-naked figure in the mirror as you waited for the clock to strike 10:03. 

You weren't sure why you always ended up so nervous around this time of the week. You'd been doing this for a while now, but it was just something about Jay that turned you into the shyest little thing.

You looked downright delicious in your baby blue lingerie. You brought it this afternoon along with a new toy. It wasn't like Jay could see it, but your imagination ran wild. Your breasts sat flawlessly in the laced blue bra. You looked like a fucking snack. 

If only you could meet Jay in person, you thought, sighing in disappointment. You eyed the clock and shook the negative thoughts from your head before you ended up in a funk. It was time to dial in. 

You were already drained from the week's stressors, and there were still two more days to go. You were in your last year of graduate school and utterly stumped on your thesis. You were sick of doing research, reading, typing, crying, and everything else that came with being a grad student. At this point, all you wanted to do was talk to Jay for as long as you possibly could and get off. 

You called in, waiting for the main operator to ask you who you wanted to be transferred to. She answered in her usual upbeat voice. You answered her question and before you knew it the line was being transferred to Jay. You held your breath on every ring, as you always did, until Jay picked up. Unexpectedly, a memory of your very first call came flooding back.

9:58pm five months ago

Valentine’s Day

Ring. Ring. Click. 

“Decompress until there’s a mess,” a cheerful woman said as she answered your call and you fought back a cackle at that ridiculous ass slogan. “Who would you like to speak to tonight?”

“Umm…this is my first time calling, so I’m not really sure.” you admitted.

“That’s alright, sugar,” the woman assured softly. “Let’s start with the simple stuff. Do you have a preference for gender or ethnicity?” 

“Umm, well, ethnicity doesn’t matter, but I’d like to speak with a man.”

“Okay. We’re getting somewhere. What kind of man?” 

“Someone with an accent.” 

“What kind of accent? We have ‘em all here, sugar.” 

The constant use of the pet name actually eased your nerves. Your shyness was depleting while your confidence was rising. 

“A southern accent?”

You had a slight accent kink since you could remember. You appreciated all accents, but there was something extra sweet about southern men and the way they could hold a conversation. Maybe it was because you grew up in the south too. 

“Louisiana?” The operator asked as she typed away at her computer. By the sound of her taps, her nails must have been quite long. You bet they looked as pretty as she sounded. 

“More of a Texan accent please.” You insisted, nibbling your bottom lip as you waited for her to find someone. 

“That’ll be Jay then.” 

“It looks like he’s finishing up another call,” she informed. “Do you mind waiting on hold for a few minutes before I transfer you?” 

“No, I don’t mind. Thank you.” 

“Okay. Placing you on hold now.”

You were on hold for maybe forty five seconds. The wait music stopped abruptly and the line rang four times before a sultry voice spoke. “Hello, darlin’.” 

And fuuuuuuuck. 

The sultry twang of his voice sounded like toe curling, earth shattering, raw sex.

You went to say hello, but for some reason you forgot how your mouth worked. You palmed your forehead, wincing.

How embarrassing. 

“Hello?” he said, tone shifting slightly. 

“Hi.” you finally whispered, palms somewhat shaking. You never did anything like this. Thank god he couldn’t see how much of a nervous wreck you were. You weren’t a virgin, but you didn’t have that many sexual experiences. There was plenty left for you to learn. 

“Sorry,” you continued, swallowing the lump in your throat. “This is my first time doing something like this and I’m a little nervous.” you admitted, shifting in the computer chair, spreading your legs. 

“I understand. We can take it slow, okay?” 

“Okay.” you nodded as if he could fucking see you. 

“My name is Jay. What’s your name?” 

“Y/N.” you blurted, without thinking. Were you supposed to give him a fake name?

He chuckled softly, “That your real name, darlin’?”

“Yeah,” you sighed deeply. “It is actually.”

“Well, Y/N is such a pretty name.” He complimented. 

“Thank you.” you smiled, shoulders relaxing as you began to twirl in your chair. 

“How old are you?” Jay asked. 

“I’ll be 28 next month,” you revealed, slipping into a more seductive voice now that your nerves were further away, “How old are you?” 

“I’ll be 31 later in September.” 

“Ah, so you’re a Libra man?” you teased. You weren’t super into astrology, but you knew the basics and looked at compatibility charts every now and then. 

“Am I now?” he laughed.

“You are and I’m an Aries. Apparently we’re very compatible.” 

“Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

“You believe that?” He retorted.

“Sort of.” you mumbled, half shrugging. 

“I think we’ll find out in a lil’ bit.” Jay purred. You pulled the phone away from your ear as you shivered in anticipation. You were already wet for him. 

Goddamn. He already had you hooked

“Evenin’ darlin’,” Jay answered warmly on the third ring. 

“Hi,” you responded, beaming up at yourself in the mirror. Jeez all it took was a simple greeting from Jay to have you smiling from ear to ear. “How has your day been?” 

“It’s been alright. Even better now though.” He said, already flirting. 

“I’m wearin’ the blue lace lingerie we looked at last week.” You blurted, getting straight to the point. You usually talked about regular things, but you were pent up and needed him to do what he was perfect at and make you a soaking wet mess. 

“Ohh,” he exhaled sharply, “I wish I could watch you model it for me, Y/N.” He was always so good and going with the flow. He always made sure to give you what you needed. After all, that was what you were paying him for. It was left unspoken that you both forgot that this was a transaction a few months ago. 

“I bought a toy, too.” 

“What kind?” He perked up, even more interested.

“You got your laptop open?”

“Mmhmm.” he replied.

“Go to www.lovegasm.com.”

You listened to the pad of his fingers fall against the laptop keys as he followed your instructions. You ignored the fact that you were lowkey jealous of the keyboard that got to feel how his fingers felt against them. 

“Okay. I’m there.” 

“Click on the drop-down in the left hand corner.” 

“Okay.”

“Then click on ‘for women’ then select ‘dildos’.” you instructed, you slid off your shawl, moving over to the edge of the bed to give him and the page a few extra seconds to load before asking, “You there?”

“Yep. Which one am I looking for?”

“Right column. Sixth one down.” 

“I see,” he said, humming in excitement. 

“Look familiar?” You asked, giggling softly as you laid back on your bed, spreading your thighs. 

“A bit.” he admitted, unable to hide the smile in his voice. You could hear it clear as day. It was another small thing you looked forward to. 

“I can’t wait to feel yo—it inside me, Jay.” you caught yourself, but it was too late. He’d already heard you and his cock twitched in response. 

“No, you were right the first time, baby.” he said, kind of muffled, grunting softly as he raised his arms, removing his shirt and unbuckling his belt. 

“I’m a bit thicker towards the top so we’re gonna have to finger you open, so that I can slide in perfectly.” 

“Okay. Do you want me to take off my panties?” 

“No,” he said, inhaling sharply. “Pull them to the side and rub your clit for me.”

You obeyed, pulling your panties to the side and slowly rubbed your clit with your middle finger, sighing softly. 

“How wet are you?”

“Honestly,” you breathed deeply, running a finger down your slick slit. “I’ve been wet for you all day, Jay.” He groaned deeply at your admission, thick cock swelling in his pants. 

“You’re gonna cum twice for me tonight, Y/N. First on my fingers, then on my cock.” 

Your mouth fell open in a silent gasp. He knew you loved when he talked to you that way. It helped you get off even more. 

“Got it?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Repeat it.” he demanded, growling softly in your ear. You stopped breathing for a second. Completely turned on by the rough tone he was taking with you. 

God he knew what you liked so well. 

“I’m cummin’ twice tonight. On your fingers, then on your cock.” You repeated, voice deep with arousal. You whimpered softly, rubbing faster as you felt that coil deep in your belly loosen a smidge. You were getting closer to the edge. 

“Good girl.” he praised, making you sigh deeply and even more of a puddle. 

“Slide a finger inside you,” he instructed, “Slow pumps.” 

You obeyed, pushing in your middle finger, massaging your folds gradually. Although the motion was effective, it wasn’t sufficient. It didn't push you very far at all. You needed more. 

“Can I add another finger, baby?” You asked, moaning louder as you rubbed your clit in wide slow circles, getting wetter by the second.

“Go ahead,” said Jay, granting you permission.

You added another finger, pumping faster. Now you were getting somewhere.

“Jay,” you moaned softly, grinding down on your fingers as you sped up just a little. 

“I love the way you moan for me.” he praised, grunting softly as he popped the button open on his jeans and unzipped them. The faint sound of his zipper being pulled down made your nipples harden almost painfully. 

“Shit Jay, I wish these were your fingers.” you admitted, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, shyness long gone. You closed your eyes, picturing Jay’s fingers inside of you, while his free hand held pressure on your lower stomach. You listened to him pull his jeans down some. 

“I know baby,” he groaned, palming his hard cock through his boxers, “So do I.” 

“Keep rubbin’ your clit for me,” like the good and dutiful girl you were, you obeyed, rubbing your bundle of nerves in tight, fast circles. Your other fingers were busy pumping in and out of your tight hole. 

It was weird at this angle, but you added a third finger and curled them up. Your thighs trembled as you fingered and rubbed yourself harder. Jay could hear how soaked you were for him and pulled his cock out, thumbing the bead of precum before stroking it lazily. You were always so wet for him and he oh so badly craved to taste it. 

He inhaled sharply before letting a single command fall past his lips, “Cum.” 

“Fuuuuck!” you moaned loudly as you came, body jerking against the bed as you worked yourself slower. 

“That’s it, baby,” Jay purred lowly, talking you through a well anticipated orgasm. “Let it out for me.” You were gonna have to change your sheets, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. You were sex crazed. 

One down. One more to go. 

Jay’s hand locked down painfully on his cock, stopping himself from almost cumming. “Now grab my cock and put it in your mouth.” Jay said, taking a steadying, deep breath. The sounds you made when you came always got to him. The sinful whimpers and desperate grunts you let out damn near made him go feral with lust. 

You palmed the silicone cock and brought it to your lips, licking up the veiny shaft before taking it into your mouth. 

“Suck it, baby. Let me hear it.” He cupped his dick loosely, starting back up with slow strokes. He had to be careful. 

You sucked the head while simultaneously pulling on the base, making the tip tug at your plump lips.

“Mmhmm,” he moaned, encouraging you to take him deeper. You tilted your head to get a better angle and took the fake cock as deep as you could, bobbing your head up and down, moaning loudly. When you choked, Jay growled. “Fuuuck, baby! You take me so well.” 

“You’re so wet for me, baby,” Jay said, panting sharply, “I can hear it. Go ahead and push me in. I know that I’ll fit easily.” 

“Goddamnit Jay,” you cursed, letting the dildo fall from your stretched lips with a loud pop, slapping your inner thigh hard enough to leave it aching in the morning.

“What?” He asked, snickering softly because he already knew the answer. 

“You just always know what to say.” you praised, gasping softly as you pushed the cock inside you, all the way to the hilt. He was right. It stretched you, but you were so wet it didn’t even pinch. 

You pushed the silicone cock inside you deep and fast. It felt so fucking good. You paused your moans so you could hear Jay. You wanted to match his strokes. Once he realized what you were doing he sped up. 

“Yeah, that’s it, babygirl,” he praised, groans growing louder, “Fuck yourself just like that. Don’t stop.” 

“Shit, I’m gonna cum,” you warned, pumping yourself even harder. 

“Did I tell you that you could cum?” The harshness of his voice made you open your eyes and slow your movements just a tad. 

“Jay p—please, baby,” you moaned louder, begging him to let you cum. He loved teasing you and you loved that he loved it. 

“Please what, darlin’?” said Jay, amusement heavy in his tone. He knew exactly what you wanted. Needed. He was gonna give it to you, but you had to ask first. You had to beg for it. 

“Cum with me this time,” you coaxed, whole body shuddering just from hearing the downright filthy noise Jay just made. 

“Okay, babygirl,” he groaned lowly, breaths quickening as he pumped his cock nice and fast. “Whatever you want.” 

“I want you to cum with me,” you begged, head thrashing wildly against the pillows as the tip of the dildo brushed up against that sweet spot deep inside of you. “I want to hear your moans mix with mine when we cum.” 

You sobbed as you started back rubbing your clit. The tight circling of your finger combined with the rapid thrusts from the dildo gave you a window of 30 seconds before you were cumming your brains out.

“That’s it, baby,” Jay snarled, hips jerking wildly up into his fist as he stroked his cock even faster. “Be a good girl and cum with me.” 

You came with a loud cry as your climax tore through you, back arching all the way off the mattress in sheer pleasure. Jay followed right behind you, cursing and whimpering as white ropes of cum landed on his belly and chest. You both panted harshly, together over the line as you recovered slowly from your intense orgasms.

“I think that was our best one yet.” he laughed warmly as he pulled a few tissues from the square box on his workstation to clean himself up. 

“Hell yeah it was,” you agreed, cheering weakly. Your arms were sore as hell and your legs still shook, but you felt amazing. You were on cloud nine, fully satiated. 

“Have a good night, darlin’,” Jay cooed, sleepily. “And good luck with your thesis.”

“Thanks. Night Jay.” You giggled softly, disconnecting the call, rolling over onto your side before drifting off to sleep.

The next few days were a breeze. You were in an advantageous mood thanks to Jay, and so you added four more pages to your thesis. You only had six pages left. 

On Saturday morning you woke up earlier than usual and decided to get dressed and head to your favorite coffee shop. The cafe was only a couple blocks away from your apartment so you walked there. You loved early morning strolls. The gentle wind dancing across your soft skin as the sun began to peak always made you feel alive. 

You left the cafe after the barista handed you your Assam Black tea and breakfast sandwich, while typing a text to one of your lab partners. You took a few steps without looking and collided with someone, dropping both your sandwich and your phone. Luckily, the grip you had on your tea did not falter.  

You both apologized at the same time.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sir. I wasn’t even lookin' in front of me.”

“My apologies, darlin’.' ' the man said, bending down to pick up your squished sandwich and unscratched cell phone. 

That voice.

That voice you knew all too well. 

Especially on Wednesday nights.

A cold chill ran across your neck and down your back, “Jay?” you squeaked loudly, staring at him in disbelief as he stood back up with your items in his hands. He stretched out his hands to give them back to you only to stop short, eyes widening in utter shock when he realized what you had called him. 

The corner of his mouth turned up as he grinned briefly. It didn’t quite match his eyes at all. “Y/N, I take it?” 

“Yes,” you nodded, giving him a small smile. “Hi, Jay.”

“Hi.” he said, eyes blinking slowly as he stood there flabbergasted, still holding your belongings in his hands. 

“Nice to meet you.” you continued, extending your hand out for him to shake. 

He shifted your sandwich and phone to his left hand, grabbed your hand with his now-free hand, and shook it twice. “Nice to meet you, too Y/N.” he said, shooting you a toothy grin. God, his smile was to die for. He sank his teeth into his bottom lip as he checked you out, admiring the view. During your phone calls, he, too, fantasized about what you looked like. He was not disappointed.  

His palm enveloped yours. Damn his hands were large, you thought, gawking at him unapologetically. They were warm and had a few callouses. He must have used his hands a great deal for his other job. He never mentioned what he did for work. 

You hoped that bumping into him wouldn't ruin your Wednesday night dalliances. Maybe he'd be okay with talking somewhere less public. It was quite rowdy both inside and outside of the coffee shop.

“My apartment is two blocks away if you want to go somewhere more private so we can talk.” you babbled, no longer able to look at him in his intense, pecan brown eyes for too long due to your shyness coming at it at an all time high. Fuck he was intimidating. The confidence he exuded had your mouth watering. 

Christ, he was sex on a stick. The man only had on a dark gray shirt, blue jeans that hugged him in all the right places and working boots. A warm flush crept across your face and neck. Get it together, girl, you thought to yourself. He barely said two full sentences to you and you were already hot and bothered. To be fair, he’d been the only one to make you cum every week for the past five and a half months. 

He raised a thick eyebrow at your suggestion — you dropped his hand, gesturing wildly once you realized how your offer must have sounded. “I mean—fuck! I promise I’m not a weirdo, Jay.” 

His eyes crinkled as he chuckled, shaking his head fondly at you, “Joel,” he said. “My name is Joel.”

[steggyisnthere]

HCs of what it would be like dating the main 4+ butters Fem!Reader

(characters aged up to 16-17)

word count (607)

warnings - a couple swear words and a bit of suggestiveness

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

stan 💙🌿💨

he would definitely tease you a lot, but lovingly for sure

‘y/n you’re so stupid’

‘my stupid tho...’

he would be okay with a little bit of PDA in public, like holding hands or a small peck before class but anything else will legit make him puke lol

he’d be a bit hesitant to introduce you to his family, because of Shelly and Randy but yk he would do it eventually

If you don't like him smoking, wouldn’t do it near you <3

would defo talk to you about the most stupid things but you two were chill with that

dates would be a lot of movie nights, in and out 💙

calls you ‘babe’ or your nickname, ‘

kyle ✡️💚🏀

Kyle would try to be really romantic and want you to feel comfortable in your relationship 

he’d try to be THAT guy because he’s a bit worried you might leave him

he likes some PDA in public like holding hands, leaning on shoulders, and kissing but he would be WAY more cuddly in private

he wouldn’t mind introducing you to his family at ALL, Shelia legit loves you the first time you meet

you two would talk about deep sentimental things a lot of the time, to be honest

for dates, you two would like to read in together or go to the library, and sometimes breakfast or brunch dates 💚

he would call you ‘love, honey, sweetheart’ and if you were fortunate ‘darling’

Kenny 🧡🐈‍🧸

Kenny defo the biggest dirty mind out of all of these guys

he is so overconfident with his rizz it’s hilarious 💀 

‘hey babe, are you a highway cuz I wanna ride you all night i lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?’

LIVES FOR PDA, bro is all over you, smooching, hugging, holding your arm, hugging, public and private 

would also be hesitant to introduce you to the fam because of how poor he is 😭 

if you get along with Karen tho, he’s gonna be so happy 

you two talk about a lot of sex-related stuff, like ‘how do girls even jerk off’ but you two are very open-minded about it, don’t worry

If you don't like him smoking, will try his best not to do it in front of you

For dates, you and Kenny would go to the park or some cheap-ass diner (all he can afford is the water but it’s the thought that counts, right?)

He would call you the most ridiculous names to annoy you ‘pookie, honey-babe, sexy, wifey’ but would mostly call you ‘babe.’

Eric ❤️🍟🍗

He’s mean to you, but deep down he really loves you, promise

Thinks you and him are the shit, for real

PDA is a no unless he’s trying to be nice, but in private he won’t mind a few kisses and cuddles here and there

Won’t be bothered to introduce you to Liane unless you asked first because he is a lazy piece of shit

You two talk shiz about EVERYONE at school

Ya’ll are either feared as a couple or like ‘wtf how did they get together’

For dates, he’d take you out to eat or you’d play Roblox and bully kids together <3

He would call you your normal name, but sometimes, just sometimes he calls you ‘babe’

Butters 🧈 🦋 💙

He is the sweetest most innocent boyfriend everrrrr 😭

Will always be around, a little needy at times

PDA, he’s all for it. Butters is all over you, hugging and kissing and always holding your hand aww

Is also hesitant to introduce you to his family because his parents are fkn idiots meany poos

You guys talk about Hello Kitty and literally everything nice under the sun

Practices how to ask you on dates in the mirror-

He would take you to the park to go on a walk, and sometimes to the movies too <3

He would call you your name or sometimes ‘lovely’ because that's what he does best

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

[gren-arlio]

So. Let me tell y'all about a guy named Camus. And a girl named Lala. And other folk. Welcome to Episode 14 of Waku Puyo Extras.

(Ah, back at it again writing these things.)

Hey guys, Gren here, and welcome to Episode 14 of Waku Puyo Extras, a series where I cover basically random stuff about Puyo and Madou as a whole. The Waku part is just because my brand is a single game I translate.

As my free time gets smaller and smaller, the drive to show off cool stuff remains about the same. Thank goodness school is over soon. I'm still alive, don't worry.

Finals and AP Exams are very much happening, so I'm spending that time studying. I'm hoping I pass.

Now, you would expect me to write about PPPP (P⁴ as I call it, Puzzle Pop in other locations) since it released and has a ton of stuff, notably well written characters. But alas:

I'm an Android user. Can't play it.

Frankly, at the moment, I'm not too interested in it right now.

So, the last episode was about Draco, that famous lass. What about this time? Well, since 80% of my work here is Madou related, why not give a showcase of some of the lesser known characters as a whole? Manga and novel stuff included.

With that, hope you enjoy. Also I said a bigger post is coming soon and drop it a literal month later. Damn.

So, Who ARE These Guys?

If you're not familiar with these characters, I honestly don't blame you. These guys are considered kinda niche in the franchise, but are more well known than some guys. I could mention Hanzo and no one besides people who played the game he's from or read the wiki would know him. Oh, or maybe Skeleton-D if we wanted to.

For now, I'll just cover the people have at the very least some stuff about them.

We'll begin with Camus, easily the most recognizable one that we'll be covering today. I swear if he was in Puyo now, he'd be so damn popular.

(From the manual of the Mega Drive release of Madou 1. Notable for being one of the very few times Camus is drawn with the teenage Arle and Lala, both 16, making Camus 18 in this.)

The man, or rather boy, in that photo is the fabled Camus of the Sable Ord- I mean Madou Monogatari 1, both on the SEGA Mega Drive and Game Gear. Since this is a game where Arle is in kindergarten, Camus is her senior. Yeah, senior is the word for this one. He's notable for being the only person to get a perfect score on his exams, that lucky bastard.

Oh yeah he's also like 8 years old for the record in that

In the game, he's both helps you and hinders you for different reasons. Sometimes he's very nice and teaches you things, and other times he's taking stuff from you for playing the game for longer than three hours.

However, at the end of the game (Where he also might help you depending on some stuff), it turns out he was an illusion all along, which is always...fun, you know? That one guy who's been helping you out turns out to not even be real, least in the Game Gear version of things.

Honestly? He's a pretty interesting guy in the game. Arle holds him with some respect, and Lala quite literally has a massive crush on the guy that she's willing to show. Unfortunately.

(Things are really serious in the Kindergarten Exam Fandom...)

He can come off as rude but at the very least he means well. And my goodness, his theme in the game is good.

Underrated gem.

Now, up until a while ago, I kinda thought that'd be the only games he was in, a grand total of 2 whole games. However, by doing this for...a year now, turns out that there IS one more appearance of Camus, presumably to be 18 in the game because...Well, Arle is a teenager there.

Arle Man'Yuki. Or Arle's Travel Log.

Now if I'll be honest, I STILL dunno all too much about the game, despite doing an entire episode on it. The game is super text-heavy, so I don't know EVERYTHING besides some of the Japanese history involved with it. (Crazy how the Heian Era is now some JJK meme. Time is a fun concept.)

Here, Camus has taken the role of the leader of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isami. It's a long story, so... I'll just link my own work here. (I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO PUT LINKS IN MY TEXT...)

I never covered Camus extensively in that game due to his admittedly small role in that game, but he's a fairly upstanding guy. Schezo works under him as the vice leader. Ain't that cool?

Check it out if you're curious about that, some basic Japanese history that may be a tad inaccurate, or JUMP HERO.

And err...that's every game he's from. Yeah, he's in a grand total of what, three games? It's not much but it's still something. He's a very cool lad.

-----

Wait, who's Lala?

I'm glad you asked, me. Lalah is a character from Mobile Suit Gundam that works with Char after he...well, this is a Madou blog. If only I could talk to you about Gundam. But alas.

Lala is ACTUALLY a girl who's the same age as Arle, and the girl who's madly in love with Camus...as I've told before. But she does have a little more than just that, don't worry.

In the Game Gear version at least, she sneaks into the tower Arle went into to graduate, upset that she wasn't the one to take the exam, but rather Arle. And yes. She broke a brick wall to get to her.

(A 6 year old is stronger than any of us. LMK if you can run into a brick wall just fine.)

Now if I had to describe her, it'd be "Arrogant but funny as hell". Because she's arrogant but funny as hell. Arle calls Lala her BFF, to which she doesn't take that reply nicely and says they ain't BFF'S, they ain't even friends. Straight hater energy. (She wasn't able to take the exam due to a cold.)

Camus appears to stop her from interfering, and she goes on this tangent about how wonderful he is, and how he always eluded her... and chases him, as shown more above.

Things start to get funky when you get deeper into the tower, as Lala makes a literal trap hole, and Arle falls down. However, Lala is mad that she fell and NOT Camus, leading him to appear in the floor above and basically say "Idiot. I'm not falling for that." and she continues to chase him.

Her reign of terror ends when Camus SEALS HER AWAY for the rest of the game. But she's okay after it all don't worry. Arle summed it up the best way I could. She ends up fine after the end of the game, however.

Lala also appears in Chaotic Final Exam too, now 16, but honestly...it's one of the games where I know next to nothing about it. Apologies. Just know that she's there and not Camus. (Though with the style of how the game looks...probably for the better.)

She's just overall what we call in the industry... a girlfail. She tries her absolute best but fails so, so much that I can't help but laugh at her and pity her at the same time.

-----

I have no cool segway into this section. Introducing... Rasp.

You might've seen them around if you've checked my blog here or there as a front page image for my works.

And you'd be right. Rasp is from the Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Manga, a brand new character just made for the thing. They're basically a minion who mostly impede the way for Schezo and Rulue. I say "they" because, well, Rasp is genderless.

Fun fact: Their salary is unknown, but they apparently get paid more than a Manga artist, so take that as how you will.

Rasp does appear frequently throughout the volumes, and does indeed fight Schezo. While they do lose, at least they looked pretty cool while doing so.

-----

Lightning Round:

Now these devilish goofballs are folks I want to show...but don't have much info on them just yet. Or there wasn't that much to begin with.

Septem:

(Creatura...La creature 98...)

Septem is another genderless character from the series, coming from Arle no Bouken, a game I know next to nothing about. All I know from it is them and that they cling to Arle like a sister. I love them.

This is absolutely one character I wish I knew more on, since she's much more developed as a character...I just don't know much about Arle no Bouken.

Dark Witch:

(What is this, a doppelganger bargain sale?)

Now she has a little more to her that I DO know but it's nothing spectacular.

Planned to be in Puyo N but was scrapped due to the idea of her being too serious, which is quite the reason for Puyo, but appears in Comet Summoner anyways as a final boss.

You can even play as her, and fight Witch herself and beat her... and possessing her. Kinda, sorta.

Runelord:

(Dweeb appeared in one game and changed a man)

Runelord is an odd case, because some of his lore is stuck onto True Madou Monogatari, which in of itself...is kinda iffy lore wise. And also really long.

In Madou S? Wants Schezo to be the next successor, he says no, fight happens, Schezo wins but is affected anyways. Apparently he was beaten by Lagnus, but that comes from True Madou, so the accuracy of the Canon can be very much debated. It all depends if you think it's Canon or not.

-----

And honestly, that'll be all for this time around. Apologies this took so long. Life's been quite the journey. Graduation's happening soon, and finals are happening soon. The list goes on. I'm hoping I get by through the school year, but alas, I'm happy you read this.

Adios.

[badcaseofcasey]

Steddie Soulmate/Met as Kids AU - Part 4 Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Leave it to Dustin and the rest of the kids to almost immediately befriend the one person in all of Hawkins High that Steve was trying to avoid. Steve probably should have seen it coming - he knew the kids liked D&D, and he knew that Eddie was a founding member of the Hellfire Club. It was only a matter of time, really.

But Steve had naively thought that it would take at least a year for the kids to find their way to the Hellfire Club, and by then, ideally Eddie would have finally graduated (third time’s the charm, right?).

But no, they’d barely made it a month into the school year and all of a sudden Steve’s having to listen to Dustin rant and rave about how amazing Eddie Munson is on a daily basis, a tingle running up Steve’s ribs every time.

“Isn’t it cool that there’s a D&D club?” Dustin said. “Eddie says the school has tried to get him to shut the club down multiple times, but he’s always been able to convince them otherwise. I swear, if Eddie had stats, his charisma would be off the charts. I keep telling you D&D isn’t just for nerds!”

“I went to high school with that guy,” Steve argued. “He is absolutely not proof that D&D isn’t just for nerds. If anything, he confirms it.”

There was a moment of blessed silence and Steve let out a slow breath. If he was honest with himself, there was something about hearing Dustin talk about how Eddie had taken them under his wing that Steve didn’t mind hearing about at all. The idea that Eddie was looking out for the kids when he had been so nervous for them entering into high school felt right.

“So, did you like, know Eddie?” Dustin asked suddenly, knocking Steve out of his thoughts. “What was he like when you were younger?”

“Dustin, the guy’s a two-time super senior,” Steve said. He would rather be back fighting demodogs than have this conversation. “He’s a year older than me and he’s still in high school. Why do you care what he was like when I knew him?”

Dustin rolled his eyes. Luckily, up to this point, he’d written off Steve’s reluctance to talk about Eddie as jealousy.

“Because he’s awesome - did you know he plays guitar?”

Now it was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes. He honestly did not want to picture Eddie Munson playing guitar - for more reasons than one - but he certainly wasn’t interested in hearing about it second hand from what was essentially his kid brother.

Unfortunately, a side effect of Dustin assuming Steve was just jealous was his insistence that they had to spend more time together to make up for the time he spent at Hellfire. Which is how Steve found himself driving the kids home from Hellfire Club meetings without a good enough excuse to get himself out of it. Thankfully, Steve had managed to avoid running into Eddie and could mostly just zone out while the kids relayed their most recent session the whole drive home.

He’d successfully made it through three weeks of Hellfire pick-ups without seeing Eddie - he usually had to stick around to clean up after the group, even after the kids had all piled into their respective rides home, something Steve could definitely relate to. Of course, Steve’s luck had to run out eventually - it had never really been all that great to begin with.

One particular night, he had been kept waiting outside the high school longer than usual. He stepped out of the car and checked his watch, before putting his hands on his hips. He really didn’t want to go in there, but it would only be so much longer before his instincts would force him to go check on the kids.

Right when Steve couldn’t take it anymore and was about to go inside himself, the side doors burst open. Through them came Dustin, Mike, and Lucas, each with a cardboard box, and behind them, the King of Hellfire himself, Eddie Munson.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled. “Sorry we’re late, Eddie needed our help loading some stuff into his van.”

“All right, Henderson,” he yelled back, “just get a move on, I don’t have all night.”

Steve watched as Eddie led them over to a beat-up looking van, hardly sparing Steve a glance as he went. Steve felt his eyes lingering on Eddie before he could think better of it, that magnetic pull he felt behind his ribs back in full force. Really, this was the first time Steve had been around Eddie without the judgmental eyes of Tommy H and Carol on him, and he was taking full advantage.

Eddie had definitely grown up a bit since last year. Steve guessed they all had, really.  But Eddie was filling out the leather jacket he’d had since sophomore year better than ever and Steve couldn’t help but let his eyes drift down to the bandana hanging out of his back pocket as he bent over to shove the cardboard boxes into the back of the van.

Dustin and the others said goodbye to Eddie, giving high fives and thanking him for a great session. Not once did Eddie’s head turn in Steve’s direction. As soon as the kids said goodbye, Eddie was shutting the van doors and climbing in the driver’s side door.

“Man,” Dustin said. “What did you do to piss Eddie off? He’s much nicer when Nancy picks us up.”

“You know I was a dick in high school, Dustin,” Steve responded, keeping his eyes on the road. “Eddie and I ran in very different social circles.” 

“We get it, you were cool in high school,” Mike sneered from the back seat, earning a smack on the arm from Lucas.

“So not the point I was trying to make, Wheeler.”

“He probably just doesn’t realize that you’re better now,” Dustin said. “Past-Steve would never have been friends with me, voluntarily.”

“I’m not sure I’m your friend voluntarily now, Henderson.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to talk you up to Eddie next time I see him, make him see that you've changed.”

“Trust me, Dustin,” Steve said, sparing the van one last glance as they turned out of the parking lot. “The last thing Eddie Munson wants to hear is you complimenting Steve Harrington.”

“Only assholes refer to themselves in the third person,” Mike said.

Steve rolled his eyes. He had no idea what he’d done to deserve this, honestly. Except that maybe he did - a little bit.

Part 5

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[eddievanhammettmunson]

10 things I hate about Eddie Munson

Eddie Munson x Female reader

Author's note- hello my beautiful little gremlins. This took me literally forever and I really hope you like it. This literally follows the plot of 10 things I hate about you. I’ve seen a lot of people compare Eddie and Patrick and haven’t actually seen any 10 things I hate about you fics (im sure there’s more out there though) so I figured I’d give it a shot and add some stuff.

WARNINGS- 18+++ Minors DNI. Please pretty please I worked hard on this plsss don’t interact minors. Get out. We have foul language, we have smut, oral female receiving, protected p in v, we have angst, we have fluff. Probably more idk I’m tired.

Summary- Eddie Munson the school freak gets paid to take out the school beast. How will he ever make things right when he actually falls for her? 15.5k words

“UGGHHHHHHHH THIS SUCKS!”

Mike screamed as he paced around his basement while his friends sat and watched intently.

“Well man what are you gonna do about it?” Lucas said casually before taking a sip of his drink.

“What am I going to do about it? What do you mean what am I going to do about it? I can’t do anything about it, it’s the chief! He's a crazy dude.”

Mike sat on the floor next to the table sighing in defeat.

“Come on Mike, it's not that bad. You guys can still be friends?” Will said as he laid a hand on Mike's shoulder.

“I don’t want to be friends ``. I wanna be able to hangout with her outside of the group you know? Alone?”

His friends looked at one another. Pondering ways they could help their friend.

“I mean…he didn’t say she couldn’t date forever…right?” Dustin began to stand from the couch and started some pacing of his own.

“Eleven can’t date until her oldest sister does, you know this. And as much as we all love y/n. Nobody is going to date her man. If I think the chief is crazy I don’t even know how to begin describing her” Mike slumped his shoulders further in defeat.

“Unless….” Dustin paced back to where the boys were and stopped rather abruptly.

“Unless we can convince someone to go out with y/n?”

The room erupted in laughter from all the boys in the room. Lucas nearly dropped his drink as he doubled over in laughter.

“Come on man. We love y/n and so many guys would be falling at her feet but you know nobody’s gonna take that chance. Not when they think she’s gonna bite their head off.”

Lucas said as he wiped the tears that had fallen down his face from laughter.

“No guys Dustin might have a point. I mean you’re telling me not a single guy in this town would be willing to ask y/n on a date? There’s gotta be at least one”

The boys began discussing possible options of people who would possibly consider going out with you. But to no avail.

The next day the party heads to school and in the morning they scan across the campus looking for possible prospects. They have one boy in mind who is walking across the parking lot until the boys see you driving through in your impala. Rock music on full blast as you almost hit the boy with your car and continue speeding to your spot as you shout expletives at the boy for taking so long to cross. He’s quickly crossed off the list.

The boys stand there feeling hopeless as Lucas examines his basketball teammate flirting with your younger sister Kay. That’s when Lucas was struck by a brilliant idea.

“Guys…GUYS!” The party turns all of their attention to Lucas.

“You guys see Jason over there right. Talking to Y/n’s younger sister Kay?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Mike was obviously giving him attitude because he didn’t see how this would relate to his problem.

“Wellllll Jason can’t hook up with Kay because Y/n is the oldest and she’s not dating right?”

“Lucas I swear Jason is not going to go for Y/n” Will was clearly lost and so was most of the group.

“NO MAN I’m saying. Jason’s popular right? Got a lot of money right? It would be much easier to convince someone to go out with Y/n if we had someone willing to pay for it”

Mike finally understood where Lucas was going with this but he was still skeptical.

“And why on earth would Jason Carver put that much effort into going out with Kay? He can get almost any girl in Hawkins. Why would he shell out cash for her?”

Lucas directed the boy's attention back to Jason and the way he was leaning on your younger sister and touching her a lot. It was obvious to anyone around that Jason wanted her. Something that irked you beyond belief.

As the boys continued throughout their day finally reaching lunch and approaching their usual seats at the hellfire table. Upon approaching Dustin saw the hellfire club leader. Doing his normal theatrics of scaring any nearby students. Dustin stopped in his tracks and the boys all looked at him.

“BOOM” Dustin completely dropped his lunch tray and walked out of the cafeteria without another word and the boys chased after him.

“What the hell was that Dustin?” Will was very clearly angry at Dustin for making a scene.

“That’s it you guys the answer it’s been right in front of us”

“What the hell are you talking about Dustin?”

“Do I have to explain everything to you people?”

Dustin looked around the group to see all the boys clueless as to what he could possibly mean.

“EDDIE! I'M TALKING ABOUT EDDIE! He’d be the perfect guy to go out with y/n. I mean look at him. Who else would be crazy enough to go out with her”

The boys turned and looked through the window of the cafeteria and saw Eddie yelling in Garreth and Jeff’s face. They had to agree that Dustin had a point. If there was one person who stood a chance of handling dating you? It would be Eddie.

***

“And that class is why taming of the shrew is one of William Shakespeare's more famous pieces”

You raised your hand quickly but didn’t wait for a response before you began speaking.

Ms O’Donnel exhaled deeply. Already on the verge of kicking you out merely for your presence.

“I just think we could be focusing on more important pieces of literature other than sappy romance. I mean even Shakespeare has other stories that revolve around other things. Like hamlet we could read hamlet”

A snicker was heard from behind you and you turned to face Jason carver.

“Well of course a shrew wouldn’t want to read a story that hits oh so close to home right?”

He earned himself a couple chuckles and high fives from his friends and you rolled your eyes.

“At least I know how to read Carver. Or would you like to try reading that paragraph again? Think you can do it in under 10 minutes this time?”

The class ooo’s and awed at your bravery for standing up to Jason. Jason was about to bite back when the door to the classroom swung open and the metal head himself walked in.

“So what’d I miss?” Eddie said as he stood near the door not taking a seat.

“Oh just the class focusing on the oppression of women and the patriarchal pyramid of women only being valued as romantic property” you didn’t bother to turn and look at him.

“Sounds great” is all Eddie Munson said as he turned and walked back out of the door. Clearly he’d had enough of the lesson for today as Ms O’Donnell called after him to come back but to no avail.

“You know Ms O’Donnell I think y/n actually makes a really good point now that I think about it. I think y/n would be more accustomed to stories like The Scarlet Letter”

“That’s enough Mr Carver. You know one of these days one of these young ladies is going to slap you and I’m not going to do a single thing to stop it”

You have a chuckle at her words but your chuckle quickly ceased as she turned her attention back to you.

“And as for you Ms y/l/n. You can take yourself up to the office. I’ve had enough out of you today”

You scoffed and grabbed your bag and left the room. Making your way up to your usual chair waiting outside the counselors office.

“Ms Hopper, please come in. Take a seat” Ms Kelley said without bothering to look at you as she continued writing in her notebook. Once you finally take a seat, she shuts the notebook and turns her attention to you.

“So I heard you were being a disruption to Ms O’Donnell’s class again?”

“I wouldn’t call it disrupting. I was simply voicing my opinions on the subject matter at hand.”

“Well you voicing your opinions every chance you get is why most of the student body refers to you as…”

“Tempestuous?”

“Heinous bitch. Is what I was going for actually. But sure. Just try to take it down a notch okay? Now get back to class.”

The words didn’t shock you at all. Nothing you hadn’t heard before and surely you would hear it again. So you made your way out of the office.

At the end of the day as you walk to your truck with your friends Nancy and Robin by your side a red car pulls up beside you.

“Move it or lose it, Hopper. You’re fat Ass is blocking the road”

“Maybe if your eyes weren’t so focused on my ass, Carver, you would see there’s an entire parking lot for you to drive in. Now run along Cretin” you shoo him away with your hands and continue into your car. Taking notice of your younger sister Kay and her friend Heather getting into Jason’s car.

***

As you sit on the couch doing homework you hear Hopper make his way inside and set his hat on the table. He strides over to the couch and leans over examining the homework you're doing.

“Got another call from the counselor today. Make anyone cry?”

“Sadly no….but the day is still young” you turn around and give him a wide smile that he returns as he pats your shoulder. As he’s going through the mail he holds up a letter from Indiana State University?.

“Uhhhh y/n? What’s this? It says Indiana State University?”

You hop up immediately, abandoning the homework without a second thought. Ripping open the envelope and screaming loudly upon reading your acceptance.

“I GOT IN!!! I GOT INTO COLLEGE OH MY GOD!!!”

Eleven and Kay congratulate you but Hopper looks irritated.

“Well that’s great honey but I thought we talked about something closer to home like Hawkins community? Getting into that teaching career we talked about?”

“Uhhhh no that was always what you talked about. I wanted to study journalism with a minor in film”

“We discussed Hawkins community college and teaching as a safer, more stable career!”

“No, you discussed it. I never said I wanted any of that!”

Kay chirps in. “Just think about it dad. Once she goes to university anymore she’ll be their problem and not ours.” She says in an all too cheerful voice. You shoot her a quick death stare before you pull the card from your sleeve.

“So Kay was that Jason Carver I saw driving you home today?”

Hopper immediately turns his anger from you to Kay.

“Excuse me? Who is Jason Carver and why is he driving you home?”

Kay turns to you and looks extremely upset as she sputters the words to her father.

“Dad he’s this guy from school and I don’t know I think he might-“

“Don’t even finish that. I know exactly what you think. You already know the rules Kay. No dating”

“But dad he’s-“

“No. And if you argue with me again I’ll go arrest whoever this boy is just to teach you and him a lesson”

Kay sits down on the couch where you are now back doing your homework. Hopper sits on the coffee table in front of you. And El decided to join.

“Now listen. I’ve been a cop for many years now and I’ve seen a lot of stuff. You girls don’t need to be dating and especially not in highschool. You don’t want to end up as some cracked out bimbo on the streets or some teen mom. No dating until Y/n does. That’s the rule we agreed upon.”

Eleven chirps in. “We are not stupid”

“I know you girls aren’t stupid”

Eleven is standing up now visibly angry. “You are treating us like we are stupid. We know not to do drugs. We know not to have unprotected sex. We are not stupid. And it’s not fair. Everyone else at school gets to date but not us. You are like papa!”

As Hopper goes to answer Eleven the radio on his belt goes off about some emergency Hopper has to attend to.

“The three of you. This conversation isn’t over.”

As hopper leaves you’re left alone with your sisters. You can feel El practically burning a hole in the back of your skull.

“What El?”

“This is your fault!”

“What is my fault?”

“It is your fault that I cannot be with Mike!”

Kay decided to jump in “and why I can’t be with Jason!”

“Eleven you’re so young. You don’t need to be dating anyways. Boys at your age and even at mine are all garbage anyways. And Kay I’m oh so sorry you’ll have to miss out on dating Jason Cretin Carver.”

Both El and Kay stomp off to their rooms and slam the door leaving you completely alone again with nothing but homework and swirling thoughts.

***

Later on in the evening El and Kay are in Kay’s room discussing you when Eleven's radio goes off.

“Eleven? Do you copy? It’s Mike. Over.”

“Yes Mike I copy.”

“Great, I just wanted to see if you wanted to go to Star Court later. It would just be the two of us but maybe if you told the chief of was just as fri-“

“No way Mike. He already went off once today about the No dating until y/n does rule”

“What if I said the party was working on a plan for that?”

El looks over at Kay who’s been listening to the entire conversation and they give each other smug looks. Mike goes over the plan with the two of them and they agree to do whatever it takes to help.

****

The next day it was finally time to begin putting the plan into action. Lucas decided to be the one to go ask Jason Carver to be a part of the plan. So when lunchtime rolled around instead of walking to the Hellfire table like normal. Lucas made his way over to the basketball table and sat down at the head of the table next to none other than Jason Carver himself.

“I-I’m sorry. Kid are you lost?”

“No actually. Just came by to run an idea by you. Just to see if you’re interested.”

“I’m not”

“Hear me out”

At this point Jason decided to half listen as he continued to eat his lunch.

“You want Kay right? But you can’t date her because Y/n doesn’t date and none of the Hopper girls can date until she does right?”

“Does this conversation have a purpose for me at all?”

“Well Jason. I think you should hire a guy that’s crazy enough to go out with her.”

“Oh really. And who would be crazy enough to go out with her.”

Lucas points over to Eddie at the hellfire club who’s currently walking around the table shouting about something D&D related.

“Really? Him? The freak. Isn’t he a satanist?“

“I don’t really know man… but even if he is, that makes him a solid investment. If he’s crazy enough to worship Satan then he’s crazy enough to date y/n right?”

“What’s in this for you kid?“

“Well I was thinking…maybe I could get a spot on the team. After tryouts next week.”

“Alright. You got yourself a deal.”

Lucas stays at the table for a moment longer while everyone at the table looks confused until Jason finally speaks up. “We’re done here kid.”

Lucas stands from the table and walks to where the rest of the party was watching him and gives them a thumbs up.

***

Ms O’Donnells class had everyone bored out of their minds once again. But this time it was presentation day where you each had to read a story you wrote. As you were up at the front of the class reading yours, Jason decided to put his part of the plan into action.

“Psssst…PSSSST….hey…freak”

Eddie finally takes his head off of his desk where he was attempting to nap, and turns to face Jason.

“What Carver?”

“You see Y/n up there?”

“No actually I don’t. Wherever do you mean?”

Jason rolls his eyes. “I want you to ask her out.”

“Uh sure casanova whatever gets you off man?” Eddie starts to turn his head back to his desk when Jason moves forward and grabs his shoulder.

“Look freak. I can’t take out her sister until y/n starts dating. You see their dad has this crazy rule an-“

“Look, that's a touching story. It really is. But not my problem man.”

“Would you be willing to make it your problem for say….oh I dunno. 30 bucks a date?”

Eddie sits there weighing his options. I mean taking some girl out and getting paid to do it. Why would he pass that up? It’s not like he had to marry the girl or anything. But not for $30.

“Well let’s see Carver. Let’s say we go to a movie. That’s $15 right there. Now let’s say we get some snacks. That’s what $53? And if the girl wants a drink that’ll be what $75. So yeah $75 or no deal”

“This isn’t a negotiation freak. Take it or leave it, trailer park boy”

“50 bucks and we got a deal Casanova”

Jason sighs and takes 50 dollars out of his pocket and slides it onto Eddie’s desk. Eddie turns to face you up front with a smile.

***

After class as you’re walking out your arm is caught lightly and you turn to face Eddie Munson. The bright smile he’s dawning is unlike any emotion you’ve seen him emit before so it confuses you as he begins to speak.

“Hey there girly. How ya doin?”

“Uh fine I guess. Tired? And yourself?”

“Tired huh? After that great story you read to the class. I mean a story like that, how could I not be impressed.”

You turn to walk away down the hall and he follows after.

“Ah, my mission in life. To impress men. Well obviously it worked on you so the world makes sense again”

“So I’ll pick you up on Friday night huh?”

“Oh yeah totallllly. Gonna take me for some gas station sushi and then make me play D&D? Do you even know my name Munson?”

“I know a lot more than you think.”

“Doubtful. Very doubtful.” And that’s all you say as you leave Eddie Munson standing in the middle of the school hallway.

Mike turns to Dustin who just watched the entire encounter and Mike looks distraught.

“Dustin! We’re so screwed!”

“Hey now I don’t wanna hear that negativity. Let’s get some upbeat emotion in here!”

“WERE SCREWED!” Mike says in an overly cheery tone.

***

Sitting in front of your desk in your room as you read a book you feel a pair of hands brush through your hair and you turn to find Eleven brushing her hands through your hair.

“Have you ever considered a different hairstyle? I mean you have some real potential here to look like a model from those magazines”

“And now why would I want to do that?”

“I don’t know so that maybe you don’t end up as an old woman who’s cold and alone?”

“I’m not cold Eleven. I’m annoyed.”

“Well instead of being annoyed you could try being nice for once.”

“And why would I do that”

“So that people won’t think you’re a mean person?”

“I don’t care what people think Eleven. And neither should you. You don’t have to try so hard all the time for people to like you.”

“I happen to like having friends y/n”

As Eleven says it she throws her hands in the air and her wrist comes into view for you.

“Where’d you get that bracelet?”

“Hopper gave it to me.”

“That was Sarah’s bracelet…why would he just give it to you?”

“Because I’m his daughter too y/n. Even if it’s not biological.”

“Oh so what, you're just gonna wear it now. It’s not like you ever even knew her or my mom. You have no right to wear it.”

You storm out of your own room. Leaving Eleven to stand there awestruck at your sudden outburst.

***

Ah Saturdays. Supposed to be for relaxation and forgetting school exists. So that’s exactly what you were doing at the music store as you purchased some new cassettes. A little AC/DC, a little Metallica, some WASP. The usual. As you said thank you to the clerk and made your way outside you couldn’t help but be annoyed to see a certain metal head leaned up against the door of your truck.

“Nice truck. Vintage fender?”

“So what are you stalking me now?”

“Jeez a guy can’t go by his favorite music shop and happen to spot a friend?”

As you reached for the handle of the driver side door he slid in front of it to stop you.

“Not a big talker huh?”

“Sorry talking about the ass end of my truck doesn’t usually get me going.”

He looks you in the eyes briefly studying your expression. “You’re not afraid of me are you?”

“Afraid? Why would I be afraid of you?”

“Well most people are.”

“Well I’m not.”

“Well maybe you’re not afraid of me but I’m sure you’ve thought about me in other ways.” He says with a smug look and a raised brow.

“Oh am I that transparent? Oh yeah I totallly want you oh so badly?”

You grab the handle of the door and force it open, removing Eddie from your car door, as he throws his hands up in surrender and moves away. However as you intend to back up and leave the store a car pulls in and parks directly behind you in the street. It’s a familiar red car owned by none other than Jason Carver himself. You roll down your window and stick your head out to yell at him.

“HEY ASSHOLE DO YOU MIND.”

“Not at all, sweetheart not at all.”

Jason pays you no mind as he continues walking. You’re not going to let this asshole win however. Rolling your window back up and putting the car in reverse you quickly backup directly into Jason Carvers car. Eddie automatically begins laughing hysterically on the side of the road and Jason Carver comes running back to his car.

“YOU BITCH! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY BABY!”

“Whoops. Now get out of my way.”

***

“WHOOPS?!??? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HITTING THAT BOYS CAR?”

“Yes dad. Trust me if you knew him you’d have done the same.”

“No I wouldn’t have. Cause unlike you I didn’t have a dad who was a police chief who could get you out of messes like that. You’re lucky that boy didn’t press charges for one and two you’re lucky that he’s had some run ins in the past that I had to clear in order for him not to press charges.”

“Okay sorry. What do you want me to say here?”

“Is this because I don’t want you going to that college? Is that it? Did you do this as some kind of punishment?”

“Really? That’s where you wanna go. Okay aren’t you punishing me by making me stay here forever because Sarah died and mom left so now nobody can control their own lives?”

“Leave them out of this.”

“Fine then stop planning my life for me.”

“I’m your father and that’s my right.”

“Okay so what I want doesn’t matter?”

“You’re 18 y/n! You have no idea what you really want and you won’t for a long time!”

“Please dad why? Why is it so hard for you to trust me? I want to go to Indiana State! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. I want you to stop trying to control my life just because you couldn’t control yours!”

“You know wha-“ Hopper was cut off yet again by his radio. It was Powell from the station calling in about another emergency that needed the chief's undivided attention.

“This talk isn’t over y/n”

“Yay can’t wait to go through this all again”

You say leaving him before he gets the chance to make another snarky remark towards you. As you walk away you run into your sister Kay who is fuming.

“DID YOU JUST MAIM JASON'S CAR?!??”

“Uh yeah looks like you’ll just have to bike with Eleven”

“Has the fact that you’re completely deranged managed to escape you?”

You don’t bother to address her as you continue to your room. Slamming the door shut in the process.

****

Eddie Munson was not surprised to be met with a more than unhappy Jason Carver first thing Monday morning. As much as it didn’t surprise him, the prospect of having to talk to him exhausted him.

“When I pay someone $50 for a job I expect results.”

“Yeah Carver. I’m working on it.”

“Watching that bitch maim my car doesn’t qualify as a date, freak.”

“Well you know what Carver I was thinking. I don’t think $50 is quite enough to make this girl worth it. I think I’ll be upping my price.”

“Excuse me, freak?”

“100 bucks a date. In advance.”

“Absolutely not. No.”

“Fine, forget about Kay then.” Eddie couldn’t help the shit eating grin on his face as he knew he’d backed Jason into a corner.

“You better hope you’re as smooth as you think you are Munson” Jason said, slapping the 100 dollars into Eddie’s hand and walking away.

***

Mike and Dustin spent time discussing how on earth they were going to help Eddie and y/n get together. They came to no other conclusion than deciding they had to come clean and tell him the entire plan. So the next after school when the Hellfire meeting ended and the rest of the boys cleared out. Mike and Dustin decided to stay behind in an attempt to talk to Eddie.

Eddie notices the boy's presence in the room but says nothing as he continues to clean.

Only hearing the quiet bickering of the boys decided which one of them will be the one to tell him. He’s finally had enough of it once he’s finished cleaning and they’re still bickering.

“So do either of you wanna tell me why you’re still here and I still managed to clean up everything by myself?”

Dustin pushes Mike towards Eddie, to where Eddie is towering above Mike in an intimidating stance.

“W-well Eddie. Dustin and I know what you’re trying to do with Y/n. We know about the plan with Jason.”

“Oh, do you now? And what are you two going to do about it?”

“W-well that’s the thing. We wanted to help you out.”

“Really and why is that?”

Dustin steps forward placing a hand on Mike’s shoulder. “Well Eddie you see Mike wants to date Eleven so we had Lucas convince Jason to pay you to ask y/n out. But we see you’ve had some trouble with y/n and we think we can help you out by getting in-tell on what y/n likes and doesn’t like.”

Eddie stands there surprised and impressed that these two freshmen have been able to pull this off. “What is with these sisters? Jesus? Is kissing them like crack or something? Why does everyone want them?”

“Wha-Eddie no that’s not the point. Are you gonna let us help you or not?”

“Fine. Henderson, Wheeler. You’re my minions. Get in-tell on the beast and report back to me. Got it? Or the next campaign will be very painful for the two of you.”

“Eddie, that's great. We’ve already got one way for you to get to know her. See here” Dustin hands Eddie a flyer. “This is for Steve Harrington's party this Friday night. You’re gonna bring her to this.”

“You’re quite the optimist Henderson. She won’t even so much as spit in my direction let alone go to a party with me.”

“Don’t worry we’re working on it. You sit tight and we’ll come find you when we have more in-tell and a plan for you to get her to the party.”

And with that Dustin and Mike left Eddie alone in the hellfire room. Eddie looked at the flyer and signed. This whole arrangement was becoming complicated and the task at hand was challenging. Was any amount of money worth this?

***

Back at your house Mike and Dustin are inside with Eleven and Kay.

“So uh, Kay did you hear about Steve Harrington's party on Friday?”

“Of course I heard about it Dustin. How did you hear about it? You won’t even be allowed in the door?”

“Oh I’m friends with Steve. Don’t worry about it. Are you gonna go?”

“I really really want to but again I’m not allowed to go unless y/n does. It’s total bullshit. Anyways here’s y/n’s room. If I let you three in here you have to swear on your life she’ll never find out or I’m so dead.”

The three children sweat on Dustin’s mother before Kay lets them into your room. Looking around they see plenty of rock and roll band posters, plenty of books strewn about and plenty of bookshelves, lots of horror movie posters and horror novels and some posters for poetry slams. Mike and Dustin also make sure to ask Eleven basic questions about your likes and dislikes. Finding out that you hate jocks and douchey guys and that you love spicy Mexican food. They gather as much information as they can and make sure to leave before you get home, hoping they left everything just as they found it. Upon your arrival home you don’t suspect a thing.

***

Mike and Dustin bike all the way across town to The Hideout where they know Eddie is most likely to be. Making their way in the bar they’re surprised at the lack of security as they just waltz right in. Taking in the stench of cigarettes, booze and what’s most likely marijuana. Looking around the bar they see the instruments still set up from the Corroded Coffin set they must have done that night. As they continue to scan the bar they find Eddie and his band mates at a pool table taking turns and drinking. Dustin marches up to Eddie and taps him on the shoulder causing Eddie to turn around angrily until he realizes it’s just Dustin and not some drunkard complaining about his music.

“Ah my minions. Pray tell what information dost thou bring me?”

“Well we discovered she likes rock and roll so here’s a list of bands she likes, she loves really spicy Mexican food, the girl is obsessed with reading, horror movies and horror novels, she hates jocks and douchey guys, and loves poetry readings”

“Okayyyy so I’m what? Supposed to take her to get some enchiladas, buy her a book and then slam poetry with her?”

Dustin scoffs and ignores the sarcasm in Eddie’s voice.

“Eddie, have you ever been to Oliver’s cafe?”

“No. Why?”

“They’re having a poetry slam there tomorrow.”

“No-no absolutely not. Eddie “the freak” Munson cannot walk into some poetry club. Absolutely not.”

***

As Eddie walked into the cafe he felt embarrassed. He didn’t let that stop him however as he held his he’d high and strode through the cafe ignoring the onlookers who stared at him. The poet was up on stage reading their poems and Eddie scanned the crowd of people at their tables and finally found you.

Sitting at a small table with Robin and Nancy he watched as you would sip your coffee and occasionally smile at the poems being read aloud. You and Nancy both look interested in the poet but Robin looks bored out of her mind and is bouncing her leg most likely due to the caffeine intake.

Eddie decided instead of taking a strong approach like normal that he would let you come to him. So he takes a seat by himself at the bar and orders an espresso.

Walking up to the counter for a refill on your coffee you can’t help but notice the metal head at the bar who sticks out like a sore thumb. He doesn’t seem to notice you but you know he has to be there for you. Grabbing your coffee and walking over to his seat you begin to whisper so as not to interrupt the poet or disturb other guests.

“If you’re here to ask me out again you might as well just take that and shov-“

“Do you mind? I can’t hear Lillian’s poem and you’re kind of ruining it for me. I can’t wait for Jenna Scruff to get up there next.”

Eddie takes his espresso and sits at an empty table nearby. Leaning back in his chair to listen to the poet. You take the bait and sit next to him for a moment continuing your conversation in a hushed tone.

“You? You know Jenna Scruff's work?”

“Yeah why? Don’t you?”

As Lillian finished her poetry set instead of snapping everyone clapped for once. Eddie took the opportunity to tell you something.

“I was watching you before when you were listening to the poems. I’ve never seen you smile so genuinely before you were beautiful”

Upon his last three words the clapping had ceased and the entire cafe was able to hear what he had said. Earning a crowd's worth of ooo’s and awes causing your whole face to turn beat red.

Eddie doesn’t let up as the next poet gets on stage and starts their set. He continues to talk to you in a hushed tone. “Come to Harringtons party with me?”

You sigh and take a sip of your coffee. “You never give up do you” you begin to stand from the table coffee in hand as you make your way back to your friends.

“Was that a yes?” Eddie tried to shout yet still whisper.

“No.”

“Well then was that a no?”

As you sat down at the table with your friends you looked back at Eddie and whisper shouted back. “No.” Sipping your drink with a smug smile.

“I’ll see you at 9:30 then” as Eddie said 9:30 he made sure to hold up nine fingers, then three, then a zero.

Eddie didn’t leave after asking you that. Instead he stayed at the poetry slam and just watched you. Watched the way you reacted to things. Watched when you smiled. Took note of things you liked. Things you did. He wasn’t sure why. He had no reason to still be there. He’d tell himself for the time being it was just extra research for the mission at hand.

***

It’s Friday night and you’re sitting on the couch In your usual attire as Kay walks out of her room in a red dress and heels walking towards the door trying to avoid Hopper's attention. And failing.

Hopper rises from the couch and catches Kay at the door. “So kid, where ya headed?”

“Uhhh well if you wanna know. I’m headed to a study group.”

“You mean a party?”

Hopper turns to you. “Y/n do you know anything about a party” you shake your head No and turn your attention back to your book.

“Kay you know the rules. If y/n doesn’t go then you don’t go. End of story.”

Kay turns to you. Red face full of fury and marches up to you snatching the book out of your hand. “CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL? JUST FOR ONCE?”

You try to reach for the book but to no avail. “Define normal for me real quick?”

“Uh, going to Steve Harrington's party normal? I thought Steve was a friend of yours so why not just go for me please?”

“No Kay, those parties are just excuses for people to get drunk and rub up against each other to distract from the emptiness of their meaningless consumer driven lives.”

Kay pills out the puppy dog eyes. “Please for one night can you not be a complete nuisance and just do me this one favor. Pleaseeeeeee”

Looking into her sad eyes was just too much. You found yourself caving cause you couldn’t stand to see those eyes.

“Fine. One appearance.”

Kay jumped up and down squealing and Hopper looked utterly defeated. You didn’t bother to change your clothes but grabbed a jacket for the night. As you opened the door your sister was already running to Jason Carver's car but as much as you wanted to protest, you had a much more urgent matter. The matter of the metal head standing on your front porch.

“What are you doing here?”

“9:30 right? Sorry I know I’m a little early.”

Eddie Munson had never been early for a date in his life. But figured tonight he could make an exception.

“Fine. Whatever. But we’re taking my car.”

Eddie let you lead the way to your car and couldn’t hide the smile that grew on his face upon earning his small victory with you.

***

Upon arrival at the party Eddie continues to let you lead the way. You pass all the booze and drugs and fun stuff and immediately just start wandering through the house. Much to Eddie’s disappointment. However he isn’t going to let anything happen to you at this party so he attempts to keep up.

Getting interrupted as he follows you. Some cheerleader he recognizes as Jason Carver's ex tries to grab onto him. “KISS ME” she yells in his face as she attempts to jump on him. Eddies quick however and grabs her spinning her around as he shoves her towards some other poor nerd. “Kiss him instead” and she does immediately. He continues on his way to try and keep up with you having to jog a bit having lost you.

You find yourself standing in what appears to be a smoke filled living room full of people drinking and making out. You’re suddenly met with the one and only Jason Carver.

“Well well well look what the cat dragged in”

Jason chides as he circles you. Almost as if you were some kind of prey.

“According to that receding hairline of yours Carver I wouldn’t joke about others getting dragged.” You turn on heel to attempt leaving the living room but Jason quickly blocks you.

“So y/n. You see your sister around? She got away from me for a second.”

“I think it'd be best if you stayed away from my sister Jason.”

“Oh sure y/n. Of course. But let’s see if she stays away from me.” He gets very close to your face and winks before leaving you standing by yourself in the doorway of the living room.

***

As you walk through the house attempting to find your sister Kay you’re met by the devastating sight of her already leaned up against him by a wall. Making your way to her you’re met by Jason’s annoying voice.

“Well well well y/n would you look who found me again.”

Choosing to ignore Jason you grab your sister's arm and attempt to speak to her but she quickly stops you. “Y/n! Please don’t talk to me in public.”

“Kay please I just wanna tell you something.”

“Can’t it wait till later? I’m trying to enjoy my life for once so can you leave me alone and try to do the same?”

Kay rips her arm from your grasp and continues walking through the house wrapped in Jason’s arm.

As you stand there dumbfounded Eddie is finally able to reach you. But not before you can take a shot of the first drink you see. Intending to get very wasted for the night.

“Jesus y/n where the hell did you go I’ve been looking everywhere” Eddie was clearly exasperated from the recent efforts.

“I’m getting trashed, man. Isn’t that what you do at parties?”

“I mean I say do what you want.”

“Funny. You’re the only one. I’ll catch you later.” You turn on your heel and disappear into the crowd behind you.

Normally this would be the point in the night where Eddie gives up and goes home but Eddie isn’t going to just leave you here at some party with no way to get home because you’re getting drunk. As Eddie continued through the house it took him quite a while to find you in a place this big in a sea of this many people. Henderson was right, Harrington really knew how to throw a party.

When Eddie finally found you he attempted to take the shot in your hand away because he could very clearly tell that you’d had too many. You refused however and continued through the house finding a very sturdy table that your drunk little brain thought would be perfect to stand on. You know what this table might be perfect to dance on too?

Eddie could see where this was going and was intent on stopping you until he was blocked by none other than Jason Carver.

“How did you do it man?”

Eddie was confused and already over this conversation. “Do what?”

“Get her to act like a human being.”

Eddie didn’t get the chance to answer as the crowd of people in the room behind him started to cheer and he found you in nothing but a light tank job and jeans now dancing on top of the table as a group of teens cheered you on.

Your body was all sorts of languid and you were just feeling loosey goosey so you were bending and snapping and just in general dirty dancing all over the place. Your drunk little brain couldn’t explain why but a large portion of the dance moves were directed to the metal head standing at the edge of the table watching you. Standing up fully after one particular bend has you smacking your head hard on the chandelier above you. Almost knocking you out.

As you fall backwards you're caught by a pair of arms and you find yourself face to face in Eddie Munsons arms who looks distressed. He gets you away from the table and sets you on the floor. “Hey y/n look at me. You okay?”

You attempt to stand up on your own. “I’m fine” your words are slurred as you collapse into his arms again and he attempts to walk you outside.

“Eddie I just- I just need to lie down for a minute”

“No if you lie down you’ll go to sleep”

“Sleep hahaha. But sleepy is good?”

“Not if you have a concussion.”

He sits you down outside letting you get some fresh air as he continues to check to make sure you’re okay. Unable to keep yourself up right Eddie wraps an arm around you and carries you fully outside the party and into Harrington's front yard.

As Eddie guides you to the porch swing you can’t help but wonder why he’s even here. “Why are you helping me?” You manage to mutter out.

“Like i said you might have a concussion y/n.”

“You don’t care if I ever wake up Munson”

“Sure I do.”

“Why?”

“Cause then I’d have to start taking out girls who actually like me.”

“Like you could ever find one.”

“Oh see that. Who needs affection when you give such blinding hatred”

You start to pass out in his arms again and he sets you on one of the tire swings that’s hanging from a tree in Harrington's yard. You’re able to sit by yourself for a moment before almost falling out of the swing and Eddie catches you once again. Finding he now also needs a break he sits in the tire swing next to yours.

Eddie turns to look at you. “Why do you let him get to you?”

“Who?”

“Jason.”

“Ugh. God I hate him.”

“Well drowning yourself in Vodka and Rum seems like the perfect revenge option I see.”

You laugh at his words and Eddie can’t help but smile back. Seeing as this is the first time he’s made you smile he thinks he’ll remember this moment as a win. That is until he looks back at you to see your arms dropped to your sides and your eyes closed as if you’ve fainted.

Eddie jumps up quickly, taking your hand in his and using his free hand to stroke your face.

“Y/n?!? Y/n?!? Come on, wake up. Come on, open your eyes!”

And you do it slowly. Your eyes connect with his big brown eyes. You can’t help but admire the way they shine in the moonlight.

“Hey. Your eyes. They have a little gold in them”

You smile at him as he says it and Eddie can’t help but admire your entire face. Your smile seems to light up every feature you have and he almost begins to memorize it before you lower your head again and rub your temples. Without meaning to, he strokes the back of your head just thankful you woke up and that you’re okay.

***

As Eddie drives you home he actually finds himself quite content. You seem much better now and your music taste isn’t bad.

“UGHHHH i should be like these people!”

Eddie turns his attention from the road to you. “Be like what people?”

You point your hand at the radio repeatedly. “These. These peoples I should be like these people. Speaking their mind and doing what they want. I bet my father would love that.”

As he pulls up to your house and turns the car off he turns to you and begins to speak in a serious tone. “You don’t seem like the kind of girl who cares what her dad thinks.”

You scoff. “Oh so now you think you know me?”

“I’m getting there.”

“The only thing people know about me is that I’m some monster of a woman.”

“Yeah well…I’m no town heartthrob either.”

As you turn to look at him you begin to realize the two of you aren’t so different. That gold glimmer in his deep brown eyes seems to say something to you. Almost pulling you into them. And as Eddie stared back at you he began to realize that maybe you weren’t the monster everyone painted you out to be. Maybe he’d judged you the way everyone judges him.

The look lingers just a little too long until Eddie points to your house trying to clear the tension. “So uh your dad. I assume having the chief of police as a father must be a pain in the ass.”

“Pfft. That’s one way to put it. Although I wouldn’t so much say pain in the ass as much as I’d say he just wants to make my life into something I don’t want. Make me into somebody that I’m not.”

“And who does he want to make you into?”

“Kay” you say with a frilly attitude that would match your sisters.

“Ah. I see. Kay. No offense or anything I’m sure Kay is great and I know everyone digs her but she’s without.”

You turn to look at him again. Smiling as you do. “You know. You aren’t what I thought you’d be.”

“What? Mean and scary?. Can I be honest with you here? I thought you’d be kind of mean and scary too. I mean you are kind of mean but definitely not scary.”

You can’t help but laugh at what he says and upon laughing you realize nobodies made you laugh like that for a really long time. As your laugh dies down and you gaze into his eyes again you begin to lean in for a kiss.

Eddie can see you leaning in. He almost leans in too but he can’t bring himself to do it. Nothing about the situation feels right. You’re drunk and he got paid to take you out. He wants to kiss you. But not like this.

Eddie clears his throat. “Maybe we should do this at a different time.”

You pull away and reach for the door handle. Immediately leaving the car and running inside feeling insulted and embarrassed. This guy spends all this time trying to get you to go out with him only to reject you when you try to kiss him. What the hell?

As you wait inside you watch as Eddie pulls out of your driveway in his van and watch as he fades into the distance. Surprised as you see your younger sister Kay getting dropped off by Steve Harrington rather than her own date. She takes a while to come inside and you’re about to ask her what that was about but upon seeing the smile she’s dawning when she walks in you decide to drop it. Just for tonight.

***

Walking into Ms O’Donnell’s class Monday morning was going to be a pain in the ass. You could already tell. But when you walked in and we’re greeted by Jason asking you how much he owes you for the table dance you gave at the party, it confirmed this hour was going to be a rough one. Jason’s cruel remarks were met by Ms O’Donnell’s personal brand of snark.

Ms O’Donnell began speaking about the classes next assignment and how you would be recreating your own version of sonnet 141. You raise your hand to ask a question.

“Yes, what could you possibly have a problem with now Ms Hopper?”

“Do you want this in Iambic pentameter?”

Ms O’Donnell turns to face you with a dumbfounded expression.

“So you have no qualms about the assignment?”

“Uh no? I think it’s a good assignment. I’m excited about it!”

Ms O’Donnell chuckles at you. “Go to the office.”

“Wait what?”

“Out. Get out. I don’t know what game you’re playing but go to the office.”

So you gather your belongings and leave the classroom.

***

As Mike and Dustin sit with Eddie at lunch the boys begin to interrogate him about what happened with you the night of the party.

“Seriously Eddie what did you do to her?”

Eddie takes a cashew and throws it at Mike. “I didn’t do anything Wheeler. In fact I was a gentleman who didn’t do anything because she was drunk and that would be wrong.”

“Ughhhh Eddie, our plan was working!”

Dustin comes running back to Eddie and Mike after attempting to talk to you.

“So Dustin what’d she say?”

“Well she said she hates him with the fire of a thousand suns. Those were her exact words.”

Eddie puts his face in his hands and rubs his face. “Thank you for the helpful encouragement Dustin.”

Mike puts his hands in the air “hey maybe all she needs is a few days to cool off” as he says this the three boys just narrowly dodge the sandwich you’d “accidentally” thrown in their direction when you tripped walking past their table.

Eddie turns back to the boys. “I think she might need more than a few days.”

***

“God Nance, can you imagine going to prom? How ridiculous would that be.”

“I don’t know y/n it could be fun. I’d love to go if only Jonathan would ask me.”

“Ugh you really wanna get all dolled up and listen to a band that totally blows while all these losers girate and look for excuses to hump each other? You agree with me, right Robin?”

As you turn to Robin you can already see her disagreeing with you. “I’d love to go to prom. But we all know why I can’t ask anybody so no prom for me.”

Nancy throws her hands up in surrender.

”Alright alright we’re not going then. It’s not like I’ve got a dress anyways.”

“Nancy, you're looking at it all wrong. By not going we’ll be making a statement.”

“Oh yippee cause you don’t do that everyday.”

***

As Kay stands in the gym trying to make the ball go into the basket a pair of arms wraps around her to make the shot. Turning around afterwards she finds herself face to face with Jason.

“So Kay. About prom?”

“Jason you know I can’t go to prom unless y/n does.”

“She is going to prom.”

“What? Since when?”

Jason picks up another ball and twirls it on the top of a finger. “Oh let’s just say I’m taking care of it.” He places the ball into Kay’s hand and takes his leave.

***

Sitting on his usual bench in the forest Jason hands Eddie about $200. “Here freak. This should cover the tickets and the tux. Everything.”

Eddie holds the money in his hands for a moment contemplating. He thinks about you and how wrong this is to do to you. “Nah man. I think I’m out. I don’t wanna play this game anymore.” He hands the money back to Jason and is about to stand up from the bench.

Jason begins to panic, reaching for his wallet. “Here freak. How about we make is 300?”

Eddie looks down at the money. Money he could really use. But this is so wrong on so many levels. He shouldn’t be doing this to you. Jason places the money in his hands anyways and Eddie’s hands close around it and he releases a heavy sigh as Jason leaves the table. Guilt riddling its way through his body.

Now Eddie really needed a plan to get back in your good graces.

****

On that following Saturday Eddie drove to the music store where you’d hit Jason’s car. He was happy to see your car sitting outside and decided to head in.

In the music shop you made your way from the cassettes and records all the way to the back where they kept the instruments. You grabbed this snazzy green guitar off the wall. The one you visited every weekend. As you grabbed it you found a nearby stool to sit on and practice as you continued to try and follow the song playing on your Walkman. Someday you planned on saving up your money and buying this very guitar.

As Eddie walked through the store he finally spotted you in the back and walked up to you. You were so into playing your music that you hadn’t noticed him standing behind you. He observed the way you played it and how gentle you were with the instrument. He was reminded of the time he went to get sweetheart from this very store. He’d saved up all his money for months and Wayne pitched in a little and even drove him to go get it.

Seeing you sitting there playing like that so peacefully Eddie decided not to disturb you. Not today. He’d make a better plan to make it up to you. So he backed away slowly and left the store.

You couldn’t help the feeling of being watched. Looking around to see nobody. You continued to play nonetheless.

The next day you took a trip down to your favorite bookstore and began looking at the horror novels. And as you walk down the aisle you feel that similar feeling of being watched. That is until you turn the corner at the end of the isle and are face to face with Eddie.

“Excuse me, do you know where they keep Stephen Kings “The Talisman”? I seem to have lost my copy.”

“What are you doing here Munson?”

“I heard they might have a poetry reading in here today. Figured I’d stop by.”

“You’re so-“

“charming?Wholesome?”

“More like unwelcome.”

You continue to look through the books as Eddie becomes visibly frustrated.

“You’re not as mean as you think you are, you know that?”

“And you’re not as badass as you think you are.”

“Ooooh someone still has her panties in a twist.”

“Don’t for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.”

“Well I had an effect on something. What was it?”

“Other than my body needing to faint that night then nothing.”

You find the copy of The Talisman and shove it to his chest and walk out of the store.

***

Dustin, Mike, and Eddie are sitting around at lunch yet again discussing you.

“You’re right twirps. She’s still pissed.”

“Sweet love renew thy force!” Dustin said a little too loud causing Eddie to smack the back of his head.

“Hey! Henderson! Don’t say shit like that around me. People can hear you.”

Mike chirps in. “You embarrassed y/n. Sacrifice your dignity and even the score for her.”

Eddie leaves Dustin and Mike alone at the table and goes to think of a plan on his own.

“Mike don’t say shit like that to Eddie, people can hear you.”

Mike scoffs and leaves Dustin at the table by himself.

***

The next day Eddie goes to make a deal with Robin. Eddie slipped Robin a $50 and in exchange Robin was to gather the band kids at lunch and make sure y/n was there.

At lunch everything was a bit odd. The entire hellfire table was empty and instead of sitting at your normal table, Robin and Nancy had insisted you sit at the band kids table today closest to the stage.

After sitting at lunch for a few minutes the curtains begin to open and you turn around to see instruments set up and people walking onstage. You recognize Eddie immediately and the rest of his band mates from Corroded coffin.

As Eddie got on stage he pointed to Robin and the entire band around you stood up and began to play a familiar tune at a rather loud volume. A few moments later Eddie started to play his guitar and the rest of his bands instruments came to life as Eddie began to play “I was made for loving you” by Kiss.

He pointed to you and then hopped from the stage down onto the table you were sitting at. At this point you couldn’t help the smile and laughter that had erupted on your face as the principal and school security started chasing Eddie and his band mates through the cafeteria for their unwanted performance as the entire student body laughed at them.

If this wasn’t enough to get back into your good graces then Eddie had no idea what would.

As you watched Eddie get dragged out of the cafeteria you couldn’t help but wonder how on earth you were going to help him get out of detention today.

****

After school detention with Mr Hans was always a nightmare you knew but you also knew he wasn’t the most competent teacher. Easily distracted or so you’d hoped.

As you walked into the quiet classroom and asked to talk to Mr Hans about improving the school's drama department.

As Mr Hans turned back to his desk you made eye contact with Eddie and motioned towards the window. He finally caught your drift and began to slowly move. As Eddie began to move you focused all your attention on making sure Mr Hans didn’t see Eddie making a run for it.

“Mr Hans, I really think we could use a new costume manager!” You said as you grabbed his arm roughly turning his back to Eddie. As you grabbed his arm you quickly began to try and find something to say.

“Wow Mr Hans! Your biceps are huge! You don’t take steroids do you? I heard steroids can have a negative effect on your uh…well you know?” At this point the entire class in detention is howling at your awkward display and Eddie attempts to escape. As Eddie snuck around a few more desks almost at the window the floor begins to creek and Mr Hans almost turns around.

“That’s not the point Mr Hans, the point is that the costume department should be focused on more because I think our plays always fall short due to our lack of good costuming!”

“No offense Ms Hopper but our plays usually fall short due to poor acting?”

“Well this would be a great misdirection! Using great costumes for people to focus on rather than the poor acting!”

“Misdirection? Why do we care about misdirection?”

Eddie was almost home free just outside the window and Mr Hans was thinking about what you said when there was another creek. Still talking to you he began to turn around in Eddie’s direction. “Okay so how do we get them to focus less on the bad acting then?”

You quickly grab your shirt and lift it up flashing everyone in the room. Eddie included. But you thought he wouldn’t be able to see you from his vantage point.

“Like this!”

Eddie grabbed a quick glance before using the opportunity to jump out the window and run for it. Once you see he’s out of the room you slowly lower your shirt and swallow the embarrassment of having your peers now know what your breasts look like.

“Well now that you’ve seen the plan Mr Han I’m gonna go and uh run the plan by someone else. So uh thanks for your time and I’ll be going.” That’s all you said before running out of the classroom at top speed.

***

As you sat in Eddie van laughing as he drove he couldn’t help but thank you for helping him sneak out of detention.

“So uh how did you keep Mr Hans distracted?”

“Oh I uh dazzled him with my….wits?”

Eddie chooses not to bring up that although you may have dazzled him it most definitely wasn’t with your wits. Instead he chooses to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“So what’s your excuse Y/n?”

“For?”

“For acting the way we do?”

“I don’t like to do what people expect me to do. Why should I live my life based on what other people want me to do?”

“Ah I see. You disappoint them from the start and then you don’t have to worry about disappointing them ever again?”

“Something like that.”

“Then you screwed up.”

“How?”

“You never disappointed me.”

There was no point in hiding the smile or blush that crept onto your face at his words. As he continued to drive Eddie pulled into a parking lot and turned to you.

“So. You up for it?”

“Up for what?”

You turn to look at where Eddie has taken you and see that he’s taken you to a paintball range. You already know you’re gonna try and kick his ass.

***

Eddie is the first to get hit by your red paint but he quickly retaliates by covering you in blue paint. Running around ducking behind random objects as you hid from each other. As Eddie missed and you laughed at him he quickly hit you with another one square in the stomach knocking the air out of you.

“Ooooo you’re so dead Munson”

You chased him and managed to get him covered in all sorts of colors. Making sure to smother his face in red paint. Eddie wasn’t going to go easy on you however, making sure you were covered in just as much paint as he was. Keeping the majority of your paint blue.

You finally ran out of paintballs and Eddie was the only one with paint left. You put your hands up in surrender and he pulled you in for a side hug. As you embraced you felt him slam the last ball of paint over your head causing blue paint to smear down your face. And you quickly ran away laughing.

As you two ran, Eddie tackled you and the two of you collapsed into a bail of heigh that had been setup for the paintball field. As he lay on top of you in the bail of heigh Eddie can’t help but admire you. Even covered in paint you still managed to be one of the most beautiful creatures he’d ever seen. So he leaned down and captured your lips into a tender kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought him closer into the kiss. Pulling away you both had purple lips.

What Eddie hadn’t realized during the kiss was that you’d stolen paintballs from him. So when he pulled away and gazed into your eyes you slammed the pain in his face and giggled as you ran away. If he could have bottled the giggle and drank it he would have.

After your paintball adventure, you and Eddie helped each other clean off before he drove you home. As the two of you got out of the van and walked towards the cabin Eddie continued the conversation from the car.

“No y/n none of that’s true scouts honor” he did this silly little salute that made you smile.

“So no satanic rituals?”

“Nope, just a game. So is it true you bit a kid's thumb off?”

“Rumor. Okay now is it true that your music is hypnotic?”

“Shouldn’t all music be? Is it true you kicked Andy so hard one of his balls had to be retrieved in an operation?”

“Fact! But he deserved it I swear. He tried to grope me in class.”

“Fair enough”

As you both took a seat on the porch of the cabin you turned to Eddie and took a more serious tone. “Okay Ed’s. Tell me something true.”

“Something true?……hm….. I hate broccoli.”

You let out a laugh but didn’t let up. “No, something real. Something nobody else knows.”

He brushed some hair out of your face as he looked at you.

“Okay. Well I know you’re sweet” he kisses your left cheek. “And sexy” a kiss to the right.

“And completely hot for me”

You scoff “you’re very confident in yourself Munson.”

You both laugh but kiss him anyway and he pulls away.

“Go to the prom with me?”

“Is that a request or a command?”

“Come on. Go with me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause it’s a stupid dance for stupid people and I’m not a stupid person and neither are you.”

“Come on…people won’t expect you to go?”

“Why are you pushing this Eddie? What’s in this for you?”

Eddie has to think of an excuse and fast.

“What? So now I need an excuse to want to hang out with you?”

“Answer the question Eddie.”

“You need therapy, you know that. You need some real help because not everything comes with ulterior motives.”

You scoff and run inside. You don’t need this. You guys had an amazing day together so why did he have to go and ruin everything?

***

Kay approached Hopper very cautiously. Knowing the most likely way this conversation is to go. “Hey dad.”

“Hey kid, whatcha need?”

“Well I was wondering if it would be okay for me to go to the prom?”

“Is y/n going to the prom?”

“Well no bu-“

“Then the answer is no. I know you wanna go to prom just to see that boy Jason again anyways.”

“Oh come on dad. Y/n doesn’t even want to go and yet here I am dying to go and I can’t.”

“Do you know what happens at prom, young lady?”

“Yes dad. People dance, kids make memories, people live their lives like normal human beings and yeah sure the dumb ones make mistakes but I’m not a dumb one.”

“Huh that’s what you think happens. Kids making memories is exactly what keeps the station busy on prom nights in this town.”

“Can we ignore the fact that you’re unhinged for like two seconds and focus on me wanting to be a normal kid for one night?”

“This discussion was over the minute you started it, Kay. You’re not going to prom with that Jason boy and that’s final. You’re not going unless y/n is.”

Kay sighed and walked away from her father.

As you walked past Kay’s room and heard the sounds of her crying you couldn’t help but feel guilty. So you knocked on the door and when you got the okay you went in.

“Listen I know you hate having to sit at home cause I’m not little miss popular anymore.”

“Like you actually care y/n”

“I do care! But I’m a firm believer in doing something because you want to do it and not because someone else wants you to do them.”

“Well I wish I had that luxury y/n. You know I’m the only sophomore who got asked to the prom and I can’t go because you don’t feel like it.”

You sighed and looked down at your hands.

“Jason never told you we went out did he?”

“Pfft sure y/n”

“Freshman year. We went out for a whole month.”

Kay Scoffs. “Why?”

“Well because he was Jason. And I was me. At the time anyways. Everyone expected us to.”

“But you hate Jason?”

“I do now. I didn’t then.”

“So, what happened between you two?”

“You sure you wanna know?”

Kay was nervous now but nodded her head.

“Well I slept with him. Just once. He pressured me into it and everyone I knew was doing it. Everything had just happened with Mom leaving after Sarah died and I made a mistake. When I told him I didn’t want to anymore afterwards he dumped me for Chrissy. After that I swore I wouldn’t do anything just because other people wanted me to. And I haven’t since. Well besides Harrington's party.”

“How did I never know?”

“I told Jason if he ever told anyone that the whole school would find out just how small his dick is.”

You both chuckled at that but then Kay stopped laughing. Now feeling bad that she hadn’t been there for you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted you to make up your own mind. I didn’t want you to do anything because I wanted you to.”

Kay began to grow angry now. “So instead you decided to just team up with dad and keep me locked in here all the time is that it? You think I’m stupid enough to repeat your mistakes?”

“Kay I’m sorry. I thought I was protecting you.”

“BY NOT LETTING ME EXPERIENCE ANYTHING FOR MYSELF?”

“Not all experiences are good Kay! Not everyone can be trusted!”

“Well I guess I’ll never know will I?”

Kay stood by her bedroom door and motioned for you to get out so you did. Feeling the harsh wind as Kay slammed the door behind you.

****

You took the weekend to debate and felt a growing guilt over your sisters' missed experiences due to your mistrust of people. So you decided to go to the prom with Eddie and allow your sister to go as well.

“Bye dad, I'm going to the prom!”

“Very funny y/n.” Before he could even ask, you were out the door. As Kay came down the stairs.

“Kay what is that?”

“This is a prom dress dad. Don’t you like it? Eleven helped me make it.”

“Yes it’s very pretty bu-“

The knock at the door interrupted Hoppers thoughts as Kay opened the door to a handsomely dressed Steve Harrington holding a bouquet of flowers. As Kay and Steve turned to leave, Hopper stopped them.

“Explain.”

“Well dad. You said I couldn’t go to the prom unless y/n had a date and she found this guy who’s actually really perfect for her and that really worked out for me cause Steve here asked me to the prom and I really really want to go and since y/n went I guess I’m allowed to.”

As Kay grabbed Steve’s hand to run down the driveway Hopper shouted after Steve. “ANY FUNNY BUSINESS WITH MY DAUGHTER AND YOU'LL BE IN CUFFS YOUNG MAN!”

****

The prom was more lively than you had anticipated as you looked through the doors. You were actually quite nervous to be there and still hadn’t found your date as you stood there. Eddie had found you immediately though. He’s pretty sure his eye’s magnetized to you the second you walked through the door and he hasn’t been able to look at anyone else since.

Eddie had been pretty surprised to get your call asking if his prom offer was still on the table but happily accepted. Deal or no deal he was grateful to spend the time with you. He just had to find the right time to come clean about everything and hope you didn’t claw his eyes out.

As you stood by the door Eddie finally plucked up the courage to walk over to you and handed you the rose he’d brought for you. You both compliment each other on how you looked and walked arm and arm into the prom.

“Look Eddie-“ you said, stopping and leaning on a rail. “I’m really sorry I questioned your motives. I was wrong.”

The twinge of guilt rang through Eddie’s chest and it was getting harder to ignore. He didn’t want to ruin the night but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this from you.

He swallows hard. “You’re forgiven.”

As you began to dance with Eddie you’re swung around quickly to meet the eyes of Nancy.

“Have you seen Jonathan? He promised he’d meet me here?”

“Nance I thought Jonathan said he’d rather drop dead than be caught at prom?”

“Y/n he promised me!”

Eddie pointed across the room to a well groomed Jonathan holding flowers and Nancy squealed and ran to him. Leaving you and Eddie by yourselves once more.

You turn to the stage when you hear them start to play your favorite song and you turn to Eddie. “THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG!!!”

“I called in a favor sweetheart.”

You jumped up and kissed him before beginning to dance to the music with him once more. And Eddie made sure to hold you tightly close to him.

As you danced with Eddie and held him close he began to speak to you. “Something real. You wanted to know. Everyone thinks I’m a freak cause of my father okay. Town criminal is a real bad guy who hurt a lot of people. Had a reputation. Being his kid meant I had a reputation from the start. There’s your realness” Eddie said as he dipped you towards the ground and you couldn’t help but smile and kiss him again. Appreciating his openness with you.

As the two of you stood back up Eddie was yanked backwards by Jason Carver.

“Hey freak! What the hell is Kay doing here with Steve Harrington? I didn’t pay you to take out y/n so some pretty boy could snake my chance with Kay!”

Upon hearing his words you’re desperately hoping you heard him wrong. Your eyes never leave Eddie’s and you can see the guilt written across his face and Eddie can see the devastation across yours making his heart sink down to his stomach.

“Nothing in it for you huh? No ulterior motive huh?” You say as you shove your way through the crowd angrily. Leaving Eddie and everyone behind.

Eddie doesn’t bother to address Jason as he makes his way through the crowd to chase after you.

Jason makes his way over to Steve.

“You messed with the wrong guy Harrington. Now you’re gonna pay. You and your little bitch.”

Steve puts a couple fingers onto Jason’s chest pushing him away.

“Back away, Carver. You’re crossing a line.”

Jason punches Steve square in the jaw making him fall to the ground. As Jason turns around his own face is met by a fist. None other than Kay.

“SHIT Kay! I have team yearbook photos tomorrow!”

“That’s for hitting Steve” she hits Jason again. “That’s for what you did to y/n”. And knees him in the dick. “And that’s for your stupid little game.”

Rushing over to Steve and helping him stand up she asks Steve if he’s okay.

“Never been better.” Steve says before pulling Kay into a kiss.

****

Outside Eddie finally catches up to you and manages to get in front of you.

“Please please y/n let me explai-“

“You were paid to take me out by the one person I hate the most. I knew this was a setup. And you lied to me about it. Made me feel like I was crazy for not trusting you.”

“Y/n it wasn’t like that okay!”

“Really Eddie? What was it then? A down payment for dating me and the bonus would come once you got into my pants?”

“NO! Y/N I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY I CARED… I cared about you.”

“You are so not who I thought you were, Munson.”

As you turned to leave Eddie grabbed you into one last kiss. If this is how he was going to lose you he was going to steal a kiss before you were gone. You pulled away quickly and ran out of the building holding back tears and Eddie stood in place doing the same.

****

As you sat on the porch of the cabin reading your novel, your sister Kay, your sister Eleven, Mike, and Steve Harrington walked on to the porch as a gaggle of other children piled into Steve’s car.

Eleven handed you a mug of coffee. “Y/n. Are you sure you do not want to go to Steve’s lake house with us? It will be fun?”

“No thank you. You guys make sure to have fun though.”

Kay came up behind Eleven and rested a hand on your shoulder. “Before we go I just wanted to say thanks. For coming last night. It meant alot to me.”

You nodded your head and gave a slight smile.

Watching everyone pile into Steve’s car as Hopper came to sit with you on the porch.

“So y/n. How was the prom.”

“It was fine.”

“Well what was fine about it.”

“Watching Kay beat the hell out of Jason Carver was pretty fun.”

“SHE DID WHAT!”

“What? Mad I rubbed off on her?”

“Nope. Just impressed and proud of my daughters that’s all. All 3 of them. Such bad asses. Did something right I guess.”

He sat closer to you. “You know y/n us fathers can’t always admit when we’re wrong. Can’t always admit when we have to start letting our kids grow up and live their own lives. I guess what I’m saying is. I’m gonna have a real hard time when you’re up at Indiana state.”

Your face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Wait so you’re saying I can go?”

He nodded his head yes and you jumped onto him in an embrace that Hopper welcomed graciously.

****

As Ms O’Donnell stood in front of the class preparing the class for their presentation and mocking Jason about his black eye you couldn’t help but stare directly at your desk. Eddie had actually shown up for class today and you didn’t want to risk looking at him. When Ms O’Donnell asked for volunteers to read their sonnets you raised your hand and went to the front of the class.

Eddie had been watching you all period. Hoping you would look at him. Hoping you would show him any sign that you even cared he was there. But you hadn’t. And now as you stood in front of the class about to read your poem Eddie wouldn’t take his eyes off of you. Taking in the sight and memorizing you as you began to speak.

“I hate the way you talk to me.

I hate the way you don’t cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my truck.

I hate it when you stare.” You glance up quickly from your work and your eyes meet Eddie’s. It’s suddenly very hard to hold back all your pent up emotion. Upon seeing him all the love and pain and hurt you’d felt came rushing back and the tears began to well in your eyes.

“I hate your big dumb leather jacket and the the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh.

Even worse when you make me cry.” By now you’re hardly looking at the words you wrote on the paper. You’re looking at Eddie as the tears begin to become visible to him and your voice is getting higher and squeaky with every passing word.

“I hate it when you’re not around and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.”

Your face was beat red and the tears sliding down your face couldn’t be stopped. Eddie felt his heart beat in his throat as he sat there and watched you cry. He almost wanted to stand up and kiss you right then and there and tell you it was all okay but he didn’t. He watched you walk to your desk and grab your bag as you stormed out of the class.

****

The drive home from school was actually nice. You’d turned up the music real loud and rolled down the windows to feel the wind. Taking the long way home from school. Pulling into your driveway at the cabin you couldn’t help but feel relieved knowing you’d get to be alone for a while. Since Hopper was at work and everyone else was at Steve’s cabin.

Walking into your room you immediately stop and drop everything in your hands onto the floor. Walking towards your bed to pick up a green guitar that hadn’t been there when you left. You rush to pick it up and hold it when a voice from behind you makes you jump.

“Nice guitar right?”

“A fender strat? Is it for me?”

“Well that would explain why it’s in your bedroom right? Besides I had some extra cash lying around. Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.”

He said it with such sincerity that you couldn’t help but smirk. “Is that right?”

“Yeah but I screwed up big time. I uh. I fell for her. Pretty hard actually I think it might leave a bruise.”

“Really?”

Eddie scoffs and cups your face in his hands. “It’s not everyday you find a girl willing to flash someone to get you out of detention.”

You laugh and cover your face with your hands. Eddie removes your hands from your face and leans in to kiss you tenderly. You kiss him back but pull away.

“You can’t just buy me a guitar and kiss me Everytime you fuck up you know.”

“I know.” Eddie said as he kissed you on the forehead. “That’s why they have bass” a kiss on the right cheek now. “Drums” a kiss on the left cheek. “Hell maybe even a synthesizer” he kisses you on the lips more passionate this time. You allow it and lean into it.

Kissing Eddie back with more fervor as you begin to stumble back towards the bed and you reach for Eddie’s vest and begin to move it down his shoulders and he stops you. Cupping your face in his hands.

“Hey. I mean it. You wanna stop at any point you say the word and we stop. I didn’t give you the guitar to get laid.”

You tug his vest closer to you. “I know. That’s why you’re gonna get laid anyways.”

He has the biggest grin on his face as he leans in to kiss you again and backs you towards the bed until your knees hit it. He removes his vest and his jacket followed by his shirt but he stops there and turns his attention to you.

Tugging on the bottom of your shirt with a raised eyebrow you nod and he lifts it over your head. Inhaling once he sees your breasts. He reaches out and cups them firmly giving your nipples a squeeze making you moan. God he’s been wanting this since the day he saw them in detention.

Moving his hands down he’s groping you everywhere and running his hands up and down your torso as he begins to make out with you again. Pulling his lips away from yours he begins to pepper kisses down your jaw and neck and finds a sensitive spot just under your ear that makes you whine. That’s the spot he chooses to start sucking on.

“Ed-“ your breath hitches when he nibbles on that spot just a little bit. “Ed, if my dad sees this you’re a dead man.”

He pulls away and reaches for your belt loops pulling your body flush against his. “Then I’ll die a happy man.”

His hands undo the button of your pants and you slide them down your legs and kick them off. Eddie pushes you gently onto the bed but doesn’t move himself above you. Instead he’s still standing in front of you. Before he kneels next to the bed. “Hey sweetheart can you spread your legs for me” he whispers as he leaves a trail of kisses down your thighs. You do as he says and spread your legs and he’s able to see a wet patch right In the middle. He leans back and chuckles, causing you to sit up on your elbows slightly frustrated.

“What’s so funny down there?”

“Oh nothing. Just thought you said I didn’t have any effect whatsoever on your panties.”

You laugh and plop back down on the bed and take the initiative to start taking your own panties off since he wants to tease but he quickly sees this and grabs for them himself. Yanking them down the rest of the way and then bringing them to his face to sniff them before balling them up and shoving them In his back pocket.

Spreading your legs a little more using his hands Eddie begins to kiss up your thighs and nibble at parts making you whine. He uses his right hand to run a finger through your folds before running it over your clit making you jump. He can tell you're sensitive and getting worked up so he decided to just dive in. He needed a good meal today anyways.

Once he tastes you however his movements become almost ravenous. Like a vampire who hasn’t had blood in centuries. You taste magnificent to him and he can’t get enough. And judging by the loud moans you're eliciting he thinks you may be enjoying it too. He takes a finger and funs it down to your entrance and pushes in making your gasp out a moan as your hands fly down to Eddie’s hair stroking it.

He pushes his finger all the way in and curls it searching for a special spot. He pulls the finger out but when he pushes back in this time he adds a second finger and curls looking for that spot. When he finds it your whole body twitches underneath him and he smiles. He continues to pump his fingers in and out of you at an increasing pace once he can tell you are close by your increased moans and the tensing he can feel around his fingers.

Everything has hun so turned on that he’s practically humping the edge of the bed just to find some relief. You can feel the coil in you about to snap and you’re about to warn him when he adds a third finger and your orgasm washes over you without warning. Whole body convulses as you chant his name as if he were a god.

He helps you ride your high until you gently push his head away from being overstimulated. Pulling his fingers out of you he licks them one at a time until you grab his hand and pull him up to you. Choosing to lick the last finger clean yourself from wanting to know what you taste like. Eddie groans at the sight of it and he grinds down onto you causing you to moan against his fingers.

Eddie stands back up and looks at you. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

You gather some brain cells and attempt to. I’d yes but Eddie isn’t having that. Leaning over you and taking your chin in his fingers, he makes you look at him. “Words sweetheart. Now are you sure you want to do this.”

You take a deep breath. “Yes Ed’s. I want this.”

Now you sit up and begin undoing his pants for him because he’s taking too long and he lets you. He kicks off his jeans and boxers left standing in your room naked and your eyes fixed on his rather large cock. He’s leaking a bit so you take him into your hand and stroke him a few times. He leans into your touch slightly before pulling away. “Sorry baby but I’m not going to last if we keep doing that.”

As he goes to his jacket to get a condom you stand up from the bed and he looks at you with confusion thinking you might have changed your mind. Instead you grab his hand and lead him back to the bed making him sit down first propped up against the headboard. You straddle his hips and take the condom from his hands.

Ripping it open with your teeth and throwing the wrapper on the table next to you. You take the condom and slowly roll it down his cock and fist it to make sure it fits well on him and he groans at the contact. You move to where you’re hovering right over his cock and you hold eye contact as you begin to slide down.

Eddie is bigger than you’ve ever had so the stretch is a little painful but the kind of pain you’d do over and over again. You try to hold eye contact as long as you can but once he’s fully inside you, you can’t help but throw your head back and roll your eyes once he bucks up into you.

Still feeling sensitive from your last orgasm and the way he’s filling up every sense you have, you're very aware that you won’t last long but you don’t mind because you’re pretty sure he won’t either. You begin to roll your hips and bounce a little on him and Eddie is already a moaning mess underneath you.

His head is buried in the crook of your neck as he kissed and bites every spot he can reach as he fucks up into you. His hand reached down between the two of you and begins to rub your sensitive clit and you know you’re about to explode. You begin to bounce even faster and Eddie’s other hand around your waist is so tight that you know you’ll have an Eddie handprint on your waist when this is over.

As Eddie feels you getting closer and knows he’s coming undone as well he moves his head back against the headboard and moves his hand from your waist to your face and makes you turn to look at him. As he thrusts up into you a final time you watch each other’s expressions as your orgasms wash over the both of you and you sigh in relief as you rest your forehead against his. And his hand moves to rub your back gently as he pecks kisses all over your face.

As the two of you get cleaned up and redressed. The two of you end up dancing in your room half naked to a song that came over the radio. “I was made for loving you” played as Eddie held you close to him. Being shocked back when the two of you heard the front door slam close and the sound of keys being thrown on a table is heard. Eddie quickly grabs his things and runs to the window as you follow with his vest in hand. You try to hand it to him but he refuses pecking a kiss on your head.

“Keep it. It’ll give me an excuse to come back and get it.”

“You’re impossible Eddie Munson.”

“You love me for it y/n”

You roll your eyes. “I hate you”

He grabs your jaw and pulls you into one last tender kiss. “You wish you hated me sweetheart” he says with a wink before he disappears from the window.

[mbm-artist]

Hi there hello, I'm sure you're wondering either

A) Why tf I just reblogged a bunch of stuff in the span of like 30 seconds

B) What's going on in general

C) What's the point of this post you're reading

D) All of the above

Well dear viewer, I'm gonna give you a TL;DR and then under the cut give a more in-depth explanation, I'll even cut it up into different sections to make viewing easier :)

⚠️ Trigger Warnings ⚠️

Randy (duh), a LOT of swearing (duh), suicide mentions, pedophilia/attempted grooming/etc mentions, queerphobia (transphobia, homophobia, etc), misogyny, mentions of sexual things, slurs, harassment, general 16+ content mentions

Disclaimer

Randy is a 14 year old minor (allegedly) as of the time this post was made, please DO NOT INTERACT with him, just block him and report him as many times as you want. This post's purpose is to spread awareness and maybe hopefully get him banned from Tumblr. Please do not go after, attack, or interact with him or his (supposed) "girlfriend" (he has her tagged at the bottom of his pinned post). I suggest you block (NOT REPORT) his "girlfriend" too, you can never be too careful.

As of the time this post was made Randy's father and school have been contacted, and we are waiting on an update.

Please offer all the victims of Randy unconditional love and support, they deserve that and so much more for all the bullshit this kid put them through, don't you dare even TRY to victim blame them. I will flame you if you attack them at all in any way shape or form, no excuses, ifs, ands, or buts.

I am also a minor in high school (not giving my age for my own safety), so take that how you will. My pronouns are they/them/he/him if you don't know already :D

One more thing before we get into it (if it wasn't obvious already),

GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PAGE AND BLOCK ME IF YOU'RE QUEERPHOBIC (transphobic, homophobic, etc) OR AGREE WITH RANDY IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT WITH ME EVER AGAIN.

Thank you, you may now proceed.

Links

The Google Doc (Alllllll the info about this guy in one place, most reliable source of info) | Randy's "gf's" tag, #proud randy supporter (Second-most reliable source of info, this has a LOT of updates on him in real time) | Randy tag, #randysworld-multi-fandom-fan/randysworld2009 (Second-most reliable source of info, all posts related to him will [hopefully] be here) | Randy's Interactions With Me (proof of him interacting with me) | Google Photos Album (just all of the screenies of proof in one place, I'm gonna tryyyyy to keep this updated as much as I can but no promises)

My response to the 1st ask he sent me | My response to the 2nd ask he sent me (pretty much the same as the first one)

The Short Explanation

So basically this whole fiasco is about @randysworld-multi-fandom-fan or otherwise known as randysworld2009

His crime(s)?

1. Hypocrisy

2. Queerphobia (transphobia, homophobia, the works)

3. Misogyny

4. Perversion (being a pervert)

5. Suicide baiting

6. Pedophilia accusations (all of which are false, and carelessly thrown around)

7. Attempted grooming(?) of fellow minors

8. Slurs (need I say more?)

9. Harassment (in case that wasn't obvious already)

Among other things

He's been interacting with accounts in the following fandoms (as of the time this post was posted):

The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC)

Hellaverse (Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss, or HV/HH/HB)

Murder Drones (MD)

SMG4 (Super Mario Glitchy 4)

Yo Gabba Gabba (YGG)

TL;DR this guy is a 5yo Gen Alpha brainrotted kid stuck in a 14yo kid's body, and he's been harassing multiple (mainly TADC) accounts on Tumblr for a bit now, and just being a nuisance and damaging people's mental health.

That's the simple explanation, if you're still not convinced you need to block this guy (and his [supposed] girlfriend) and report him until your hands hurt and/or would like to know more thennnnn

The full explanation + evidence is under the cut ✨

The Long Explanation

Okay so I'm gonna be quoting the Google Doc a LOT here, you'll be able to tell which parts are quoted and which parts are me.

"Randy or randysworld2009 is a Tumblr user that appeared around TADC blogs in the beginning of 2024. Since then, he has built a history of harassing said blogs, mostly roleplay/askblog accounts and artists, forcing roleplay and specially spouting misogyny towards women mods and fem leaning characters, transphobic and homophobic towards queer people. At one point he started getting his information messed up, saying that he was super straight and then later on a “half-bisexual”, also often times approaching people with romantic/sexual intent and then getting angry when those same people state that they are not interested or are above legal age, which he supposedly is not. It is believed that Randy is 14 years old, but at this point, we can’t be certain of what information is true or false. For all we know, his blog could be just a troll."

So yeah, this guy is bad news. That was a direct (formal) quote from one of the victims.

If formal isn't your style, here's a more casual one

"Randy first appeared around the beginning of 2024. He began harassing tadc ask blogs then that led to harassing their mods. Eventually others got involved and Randy basically snapped. He got EVEN MORE batshit and started spouting misogyny, transphobia, and dilution. He's chronically online and believes everything is a roleplay. He's obsessed with getting a girlfriend and has sexually harassed many. he is the horniest bastard you could fucking meet omg"

Another direct quote from another victim, this one he treated the WORST.

(Some) Screenshots

There are more screenshots in the Google Doc and the Google Photos Album I made, but these will be a few tidbits of evidence that will hopefully convince you by now if you're not already. (With some additional commentary/explanation from yours truly underneath each screenie✨) Additionally, all the images will have links to their sources. (Please let me know if they don't work, I'll update this with usable links if that's the case)

Exhibit A - The Bastard Himself

(Mb for light mode jumpscare here, even more reason for your eyes to bleed when looking at this immature fuck's profile)

Just his profile (as of the time this post was posted) so you know exactly who to block and report as many times as possible Exhibit B - His Interactions With Me

This is some evidence of him interacting with me, there's more in the Google Photos Album I made of proof he interacted with me

(Mb for light mode jumpscare again, it's the only way I could show the post and the comments in the same screenie)

His comments on my pinned post, if you saw this or this you know I demanded that he delete his comments on here (while flaming the fuck out of him), so here's a screenie of what they were before he (hopefully) deletes them

The first ask he sent me, my response being the awesome giant rant where I DEMOLISHED him (I'm way too proud of it if you couldn't tell)

All his interactions with me from when he initially found me

The rest of his interactions he's ever had with me

Like the first ask he sent, I answered with the same thing, ANNIHILATING this fucker (still way too proud of it)

Exhibit C - Direct Victim Testimonies (to yours truly) These are asks that I sent to the main 3 victims I had gathered evidence from before gaining access to the Google Doc, they're my main sources so far (send all the love and support to them please [especially Sunny's system they've all been hurt the most from what I can see], they're very sweet outside of all this and more than deserve it)

Dia answered first, their answer helped me gain access to the Google Doc and get a HUGE chunk of the evidence I'll be showing here

Second half of Dia's answer, a summary of the wholeeee situation straight from a direct victim

Sunny was the second to answer my ask, this is what I mean when I say clearly Sunny needs the most love and support out of all the victims (as far as ik) cus like how can you not man- also this is how I found out they contacted Randy's father and school, very big piece of lore (and you'll see why they have soon don't worry)

Lilith was the last to respond to my ask, this being how I found out that it was them specifically that contacted Randy's dad & school (which I commend them for, it was a very good move so bravo to them man genuinely)

Exhibit D - Evidence

And now the moment you've all been waiting for, if this doesn't convince you then shit idk what will-

This post was my first exposure to what Randy is ACTUALLY like and wowee what a doozy man, it started me down the rabbit hole that lead me to making this post rn (make sure you look at the notes [both comments and the reblogs] too those also have even more info aside from everybody FLAMING the fuck out of this kid lolol) Also GO OFF ON HIM GLITCH GET HIS ASS WOOOOO

(Sorry for the light mode jumpscare yet again, evidence is evidence)

1. Misgendering. What the fuck. (Dia's pronouns are they/them) 2. EW. Need I say more??? 3. This post is how I found my main 3 sources up until Dia answered my ask 4. You'll start to see that this post and the following posts show that he's SPECIFICALLY targeting fem-adjacent blogs (including blogs that are run by enbies that he assumes identify as femme and promptly misgenders) and generally being a misogynistic and transphobic BITCH

This post is an example of Randy A) Accusing a fellow minor of pedophilia (very carelessly and incorrectly might I add) B) Not even getting their age right? Hello??? C) This kid clearly does NOT know what the difference between slang and genuine predatory behavior is which shows how fucking SHELTERED this kid must be oh my GOD D) Another example of him misgendering and being misogynistic/transphobic

This post is more proof of him being misogynistic and sexually harassing people, and might I add a HORNY ASS PERVERT Rabid is actually someone I followed way before all this dude, I'm guessing that's how Randy found me unfortunately

After this screenie Dia answered my ask, so all the screenies beyond this point are straight from the Google Doc (some had links to their original posts, some didn't for the sake of anonymity which is completely understandable)

This post backs up what I said regarding the other screenie where Randy assumed Lilith was like 20, istg this kid does NOT know what fact checking is holy fuck This was a certified screenie I got from the Google Doc might I add

This post, another one provided by the Google Doc, is an example of him A) Harassing TADC ask blogs (and it leading to harassing the mods) B) Sexually harassing people and being misogynistic in general He just doesn't know when to quit huh

(Sorry again for the light mode jumpscare this is the last one I promise)

This one didn't have a post linked to it so I only found it cus of the Google Doc (so yay ig you don't have to click the links to the OG posts for more info anymore beyond this point), the mod spitting FACTS

Once again lovingly provided by the Google Doc, wowee this kid sure loves slurs

Conclusion

I know this might not get to many people, but I'm hoping it at least has some sort of positive impact, because I want to try my best to warn as many people as possible and keep him from having any more influence than he already has.

To the victims involved in this: PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE PLS PLS PLS LMK IF I NEED TO CHANGE ANYTHING I TRIED MY ABSOLUTE BEST TO BE AS ACCURATE AND RESPECTFUL TO YOU GUYS AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE I'D REALLY APPRECIATE FEEDBACK IF I GOT/DID SOMETHING WRONG

Thank you for reading my ramblies on this important news, have a cookie for getting this far and you're an LGBTQIA+ ally 🍪 (plus an additional scoop of ice cream if you're queer 🍦)

And Happy Pride Month, TRANS PRIDE BABYYY

Plus some Anti-Randy spray for the road (lovingly provided by Sunny and Lilith) ✨

(in case of any confusion, the colors kind of mean different things but not really, it's not that important- but red is for trigger warning stuffs/disclaimers and general important things, green is for section titles, blue is for links, and that's about it really-- and yes I did make a subtle RGB joke. Sue me, I wanna be at least a little funny to make light of all this grim dark stuffs. All those super super serious call-out posts can be kind of depressing so I want to find the happy middle ground between serious and lighthearted, it gets the message across and it still feels important without being too much of a downer yanno? Anyway do tell me your thoughts in the comments after dropping a reblog, I would appreciate feedback on what you think of my writing style here :3) (Oh, and if you're wondering what purple means? It's a secret 🥰)

[captaindanvers89]

If the Yellowjackets characters were high school teachers, I feel like they would teach these subjects

Jackie: The principal with a homoerotic relationship with the English Lit teacher. The door’s locked whenever said teacher goes in for a “workplace meeting.” Occasionally scolding Nat for smoking in the classrooms but they smoke together behind the school when they think no one’s watching.

Shauna: The English Literature and languages teacher who gives off Emily Dickinson vibes. Only wears flannels to work and made the students depressed when they had to read Sylvia Plath. She also teaches French, she’s fluent in it but accidentally taught all the swear words when Jackie made her mad.

Natalie: The biology and chemistry teacher. Everyone loves her classes as she teaches the about the chemical properties of weed and other drugs. She also teaches the students how to blow stuff up and may have ordered one or two suspicious chemicals under the school’s budget. Think Lucifer when he taught those kids how to grow and market weed. The students think she’s dating the Art and Philosophy teacher but no one can prove it.

Lottie: The Art and Philosophy teacher. She has a calming energy which the students love, especially when they’ve just left Nat’s class. They feel like they’ve joined a cult. Philosophy class is just as fun, Lottie says the most random things and the students will discuss it. For example, the students had an hour long discussion about the wilderness and how prolonged exposure would affect the human mind. The students think that her classes are purposely after Nat’s classes so that their classrooms are next to each other.

Taissa: I wanna say she’s the Vice Principal but also the PE teacher . As the VP, she’s really nice, comforting and will support the students no matter what. But as the PE teacher, she becomes an army drill sergeant. The students fear her class and wonder why they have to play soccer for every session. And sometimes she teaches Geography which extends to random field trips to the woods where she teaches the students how to navigate their way out.

Van: Idk why but she gives off Maths/ Physics teacher vibes. She would always draw a relation to both subjects and somehow teaches college level stuff by accident. She shares teaching geography with Tai but always ends up telling the story of how she was attacked by a pack of wolves and survived.

Misty: The school nurse. Everyone’s pretty sure the food poisoning ordeal was caused by her but they don’t have proof. She somehow can sense when someone is injured and is by their side before they can run from her. She hasn’t been fired because Jackie’s slightly afraid of what she’ll do if she does.

Laura Lee: I’m gonna go with religion. She leads a prayer circle before class starts and while she looks like a cinnamon roll, she can throw hands. The last parent who told her that God will punish gay people ran out of the classroom, fearing for his life. The students think she has a situationship with Lottie but it’s hard to tell.

Mari: The home economics teacher. She’s sarcastic all the time and will teach students how to cook the most random food. They might learn how to cook bear meat for one class than learn why boiling leather belts in water does not make for good soup.

[permanently-stressed]

Give me Biana hcss plz!!!!! literally anything, hobbies, random tics, habits, specific little things likes, dislikes, I love her and I need more from her

also I'm sry but I ship Tiana so maybe no ship related stuff? trying to be polite I swear but typing always comes across so crude I'm sorry!!!!!

I love ur blog thoooo <3

don't worry i got you 🫶🏻

So I'm gonna section these into Canon Abiding and Human AU, because I have a lot of headcanons about Human!Biana

Canon Abiding:

She has quite a bit of a temper when she's completely comfortable with someone.

Losing friendships is what takes the biggest toll on her emotionally, she was very uneasy when Maruca felt neglected

Because really, it wasn't a perfect friendship. They didn't have much in common. They were mostly friends because Alden wanted to be closer to Wylie's family.

She wears jewelry often because she likes to fidget with it.

She's very skilled with making only parts of herself vanish, but she's still figuring out how to only make her body disappear and only leave the clothes (like Wraith)

She uses her old bows to make Lady Sassyfur, her Emotional Support Stuffed Animal, even more adorable

Spends a lot of her alone time invisible, to make it seem like she's in control of something

Sophie, Dex, and her have this little trio where all of them count each other as their 'best friend' (but Sophie and Dex also count Keefe, too)

Her favorite dresses are all yellow or pink.

She looks at herself in the mirror twice, one to check for imperfections, another to think 'wow, i look good'

She has had to drag herself out of ruts in the past, but that's not a side of her she's willing to show to anyone yet.

Human AU Biana:

She did ballet from 7yo to 14yo

She picked up ice skating after that.

Christmas is her season. She decorates, she gives out gifts, the music is always on, she thrives.

Listens to Noah Kahan, Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey and any 70/80s hits.

Her phone memory is always full because she takes pictures of her pets 24/7

Got really into coffee at some point and people prefer to have coffee at her house than anywhere else

She plans trips with her friends and actually goes on them. Masters in Art History? No. Masters in Fun.

Major fashion history fan. If she hears "but corsets were so restricting" one more time she is going to scream.

Her shoe game is impeccable but she's running out of space in her closet for them.

She does really light make up most of the time, but when she wants an extra boost of confidence she'll do something special with eyeshadow

Has 110 Pinterest boards. No, she's not kidding. No, it's not a hyperbole. She has 110 Pinterest boards.

She only has 7 different playlists tho. Sophie, with her 143 playlist, is horrified.

Graduated both high school and college with a 4.0.

and yeah! That's all I have now! Thanks for the ask!!

[saltsicklover]

Part Three

Part Three is here and this is where shit really starts to get angsty. So much love for this chapter, honestly. Enjoy!!

Title: Once an Asshole, Always an Asshole

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3400+

Rating: R

Warnings: Smoking, Rude Bob, Drinking/Drunkeness, mentions of sex, swearing, pocket knife, once again Rude AF Bobby Floyd

Second Chance Romance!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bob Floyd, or anything related to Top Gun Maverick within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

---

The gym was decorated to the nines, streamers and balloons, flashing lights and a DJ booth. There were tables scattered around the perimeter, leaving most of the floor open for dancing. The room was abuzz with energy, girls dragging their dates to the dance floor. 

Bob didn't have a date. It wasn't that he couldn't get one, it was more the point that he didn't want to deal with all the expectations that came with having one. The sex at the end of the night he could've gotten behind, it was all the stuff before it that he had a problem with. The dinner date before hand, then being attached at the hip for the rest of the night. The slow dances that he would've had to take part in and the sitting through conversations that never seemed to interest him in the first place seemed like the absolute last thing he wanted to find himself doing.

His suit fit well, of course it did. His parents had enough money for things like that. The gray dress shirt complimented the gray pinstripes of the black suit that clung to his frame. His shoes were shined and his tie was straight. He looked good, and the girls were sure to tell him he did. 

But soon the warmth of the gym was getting to him, sweat beading around his forehead. The music was loud and the headache blooming behind his eyes made sure he knew. He excused himself from Gene who was busy scoping out the lone girls on the other side of the gym and headed for the back of the school, looking to get a breath of fresh air. 

"Oh, sorry, I didn't think anyone was out here," Bob held an unlit Cigarillo between his fingers, slipping a small silver case into his back pocket. He tucks the smoke behind his ear, leaving it unlit as he steps further out of the school. 

The words left his mouth before he could even think. Bob's eyes caught the one girl he really wasn't expecting to see tonight, Duchenne. She was dressed in a beautiful maroon dress, the thin straps showing off her shoulders. The skirt of her dress was piled around her upper thighs, her legs sticking out into the grass. She wore sneakers, the sight of which caused Bob to chuckle a bit to himself. 

"It's fine, Bertie, I was just going in," Duchenne pushes herself to stand, brushing her hands off on the skirt of her dress. That nickname again- he hated it. She sounded more exhausted than inconvenienced. 

"You don't have to leave on my account," Bob speaks, moving towards the spot next to her, "Seriously, it's okay. We can sit here like adults." She rolls her eyes but sits down, not wanting to fight it out, but also not wanting to return to the dance yet. She feels a little tipsy, her body swaying a bit as she moves. 

"What are you doing out here?" Bob asks, his voice soft, kind.  It sounds just how she remembered it did when they first met. It melts her heart a bit. He almost asked 'What are you doing here', but caught himself. It shouldn't have seemed so improbable that a beautiful girl like her would be at the dance. He leans back a bit, pulling his things, his keys, wallet, a silver cigarette case, and pocket knife from his pockets. He throws them into a pile on the grass next to him before leaning back on his hands. 

"I just couldn't deal with all the heat and the noise and the grinding," She giggling, playing with the fabric of her skirt. Bob laughs right along with her. "Why are you out here?" 

"I just needed a minute, these things aren't my style," He confesses with a shrug. 

"Ha, right. Not your style, whatever you say, Bertie," She rolls her eyes, a smile still playing on her lips. Since when was a room full of well dressed and half desperate girls not Bob Floyd's style? Duchenne leans over to grab the silver case from the pile of Bob's things. She flips the lid, bringing it up to her nose and takes a deep inhale. The full scent of the tobacco causes a warm feeling to spread throughout her chest. 

Bob watches her carefully as she sniffs the smokes. His brows are furrowed a bit, but a smirk spreads over his lips as she squeezes her eyes tight, breathing in deeply once more. Finally, Duchenne closes the case with a metallic click before placing it back into the pile of his things. 

"Why do you call me that?" He asks her after a beat of silence. There is tension in his voice. She narrows her brows at him, trying to cover up the fact that she is thinking whether or not to tell him the truth. 

"I don't know... Ah fuck it," She whispers to herself before continuing, facing him more head on, "I didn't always call you that, you know, I guess I just wanted to get under your skin. I wanted you to feel the way you made me feel. I know its selfish and petty, but there's this part of me that is still that girl from freshman year who thought we had a chance at being friends before you went and made the swim team and fucked it all up." The words spill from her lips so fast she doesn't even realize she is saying them, all of the things she has wanted to say to him for years. She put all of the blame on his shoulders- he couldn't blame her for it either. She hadn't changed, it was him who had. 

"I always liked you, Bob, I still do. Or maybe I like the guy I met a couple of years ago, the same one who helped file papers in the office with me during study hall for extra credit, the same guy who shared his lunches with people who forgot theirs. The sweet, helpful boy that I so wanted to be friends with because you were just so good. I wanted to be that good, and then those damn teammates of yours got into your head and turned you into a dick,"

Bob takes in each and every word, letting them run right through him. It hurts his heart to know that the girl he has always thought was so good thought he was too, key word, was. He wants to defend himself, but not only does he not deserve it, he can't find the words to even begin. He sits there, staring at her, mouth opening and closing. 

"I think I might be a little drunk," She speaks again, her voice quiet on the wind.

"Johnny spiked the punch," 

"Ah, yeah, then I'm very drunk," She giggles to herself, "So drunk that I can admit to myself that I still like you, even if you have been nothing but mean to me. Maybe it's because I think I deserve it, every word, every mean thing you have ever said to me. And maybe it's the alcohol or the self deprecation, but God I want to kiss you," 

Bob's blood runs cold then molten. He couldn't have possibly heard her right. Duchenne wants to kiss him? 

"I wouldn't stop you," He whispers, leaning ever so closer to her. There is still a good foot between them, and he isn't planning on pushing his luck. 

"Of course you wouldn't. Men like you will fuck anything that moves if given the chance," She bites her lip, looking at him half lidded eyes. The comment stings Bob, burning right into his chest. "Help me up, would you? I've gotta get back in there," 

Bob doesn't say a word, instead, he climbs to his feet before taking his hands in hers, pulling her up from the grass below. He tries not to think about how soft her hands are in his, or the way she looks at him, her eyes glimmering. They are so close now, and he could lean in, steal that kiss that they both want, but he doesn't. He can't get himself to. Instead, he drops her hands, offering her a lopsided smile. 

"Goodnight, Bobby," She leans in with a whisper, a smirk on her beautifully glossed lips. The nickname sends a pleasant chill down his spine. He wishes she would've called him that from the beginning; that she would call him that for the rest of forever. 

"Goodnight," He whispers back, his eyes closed tight. He is doing everything in his power to not reach for her, to not pull her body into his and kiss her. Bob knows damn well he doesn't deserve the pleasure of kissing her. 

She moves to the open door, grabbing onto the jamb. With a deep inhale, she turns to see Bob with his eyes still closed tightly, one hand running through his hair. The long locks tangle in his fingers, she wishes it were her hands instead. He mumbles something to himself, something she can't make out. 

"Hey, Bobby," Her voice comes out a little sing-song-y. Bob savers the way it floods over his skin. He lets the sound seep deep into his bones; he swears he could live of it that nickname alone. So, he saves the memory deep within his chest, in the white warmth there. It fits perfect next to the image of her in math class, the one with her tongue out, large golden frames on her face. 

"Yeah?" Is the only thing he can muster, the nickname thrumming through him. The moment his eyes open, she already moving, barreling towards him. She slams her body into his, arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to meet hers. He stumbles backwards from the force of her body, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist as they both fall into a heap on the grass. 

None of it was graceful or beautiful. Their relationship up until that point was too tumultuous. It was all crashing waves and thunder, electricity under their skin like lightening. Everything between them burned, lips covered in gasoline, all consuming and red hot. 

Four years of pent up aggression and hidden feelings come together into one searing kiss that leaves them both breathless and blushing. They fit together in the way bodies should, his palms against the expanse of her waist, fingers reaching to encapsulate as much of her as he can. Her knees rest on either side of his hips, caging him down. 

"What the hell was that?" He chuckles, holding her body tightly on top of his own. Between the kiss, the fall, and the way his hands are holding tightly to her waist, his head spins a bit. The moon above him the only thing he can focus on for a moment, that, and the way he can feel someone's heartbeat against his chest. At this point, he doesn't know if it belongs to her or himself, but he can't find it in himself to care. The way it hits ragged against his chest makes him feel just a little bit more alive with each thump. 

He steals that feeling away too, tucking it in next to the new memory of his name of her lips. 

"I- Uhh... We graduate next week, and I don't know, I guess I just needed to know if I was right," She breathes deeply over him, her voice coming out mousy and unsure. His hand rakes through her hair, pulling back the pieces that have stuck to the sides of her face. 

The way she looks down at him sends a shockwave through his system; he lets his hands cradle her face for a moment longer than he probably should have, but God she is so pretty. She has always been pretty, he knew that, but the look in her eyes and the way she leans into his touch as he draws a thumb across her cheek has him fucking swooning. 

The air around them is muggy and thick, full of unsaid words and too much animosity- that part they both hate, and maybe that's where it's coming from. Not a dislike for each other, but the dislike for how things have fallen into place, for how they ended up in this moment, tangled up together. Until this moment they treaded the line between hate and desire, after all, it's a fine, sharp line- either side bound to leave them bloody and broken hearted.  

"Right about what?" He is almost too afraid to ask. Maybe he shouldn't have. 

She reaches up and brushes his hair away from his face, the softness of his hair bringing a small smile to her face. 

"Right about one kiss making up for the four years of torment, making it all worth it," She chuckles mostly to herself, "God I should hate you, I want to hate you, but all I can think about is kissing you again."

He doesn't give her time to say another word before he is pressing his lips firmly to hers again. He brings a gentle hand down to her chin, tilting her head to slot his mouth against hers, angling the kiss deeper. His other hand follows the taught muscle of her jaw down to her neck; he lets the edges of his fingertips graze lightly over her skin. The kiss is everything. It's tongues and teeth and so much emotion. She wants to cry. He wants to get on his knees and thank God. The kiss leaves them both so broken and so whole at the same time. 

His hands wander over her body, feeling every inch of red hot skin he can get under the gentle touch of his fingertips. She tangles her hands into his suit jacket, her knuckles pressed firmly to his chest, holding him down. She can feel the thumping of his heart beneath her balled up fists. He finds her heartbeat when his fingertips grace over the connection of her neck and jaw. 

They are tangled up in each other until they aren't. Breathing deeply from each other, hands still connected, lips parted. The mixture of her perfume, sweet and light, with the dense scent of his cherry tobacco makes them both a bit weak in the knees- so wound up together, entangled. 

"I think I should go," Bob finally whispers after a minute of sharing air, their foreheads pressed together. He doesn't stop himself from saying the words, even though that white hot part of his chest  was trying to strangle the words out of his head before he could say them. His chest hurts. He deserves the ache. 

"You want to leave," Duchenne whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. She tries to keep them at bay as she flutters her lashes. Her tone isn't accusatory, instead, it's full of knowing. 

He hates that she's right. 

"I don't want to, but I need to," The lie is easily off his lips as he sits them both up, unwinding his hands from around her body. He doesn't want to leave this moment, with his hands on her, Duchenne holding him even tighter. He doesn't want to go unwind the clock, go back to anytime before they were tangled together. Bob is thankful that she pulls her own hands from their place around his lapels. He knows he wouldn't have had the strength to do it himself. He shifts her from his lap to the damp grass beside him, the humidity from the late night clinging to the blades of grass, their clothes, their skin. It's sticky and consuming, both of them struggling to breathe. 

"I don't understand," She whispers, the waver in her voice unmistakable. Bob stands, leaving her sitting, staring at her hands bound loosely in the folds of her skirt, the fabric now dirty and wrinkled. He likes it better that way. It feels right, more like their shared past rather than the one they may have shared if he wasn't so damn mean. 

There's a metaphor in there somewhere; between the dirt under her fingernails and the way her hands find themselves winding around softness. Before it was the grass, then his body, now the fabric of her clothes. The juxtaposition of the cleanliness of his hands and the dirty ache that has taken over his chest, slowly snuffing out the warmth, the memories threatening to go with them. Maybe on paper, scrawled in looping wet ink, this is beautiful, the brokenness they have found themselves in. The inability to go backwards, to cross back to the comfortable side of the line. 

But in reality, it just hurts. 

"I didn't plan for you. We graduate next week, Duchenne, I move across the country in a month. I have it worked out to fast track my degree so that I can get into the Navel Academy. I have everything planned out. You can't expect me to give all that up because you got drunk and decided you needed to kiss me to fix your life," Bob's tone is hostile, the meanness he has fought so hard to keep at bay, the meanness that keeps himself safe, bubbles to the surface. "I didn't work my ass off for four years, doing advanced classes and killing myself in swimming to throw it all away for a girl, especially a girl like you," 

It was a cheap shot. He knows it the second it leaves his lips. Bob hates himself for it. After years of his much too put together parents telling him to keep his image up and take pride from those he surrounds himself with, the words just slipped. His Mother would preach about him finding the right girl, someone prim and proper that he could bring home. Someone she would approve of. She never would have approved of Duchenne. Not that it had ever mattered to him before everything went to hell in the first place. He doesn't stop himself to wonder why it matters now. 

He doesn't ask himself because he knows the answer already. His Mother's opinion doesn't matter. It never has. 

The truth is Bob knows he doesn't fucking deserve her. Not after the way he has treated her for the last four years. Not after how he let his friends treat her. Not after any of it. There's no coming back from how awful he had been. That much he knows, at least, he convinces himself he does. 

It's just easier that way. 

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Pain and frustration grate through her words. "We could have had one night where we weren't trying to kill each other, but instead of kissing me, you're trying to fucking fight me again! God damnit Bobby! I really thought you were different than this!" 

Bob wants to be different, God, he wants nothing more than to be different. He wants to be different for her, he wants to be the version of himself that lives in her head. 

"I guess I'm the one girl you won't fuck, huh?" Duchenne whispers those words to herself, her tone defeated. Bob wasn't supposed to hear them. He doesn't look at her, he can't, instead he takes a couple of steps back, the heels of his palms pressed firmly against his eyes. His brows are furrowed, a pained expression knit through his features. Her words hit him square in the chest. Hard.  

Duchenne almost shakes with anger, or maybe it's disappointment. Either way she is holding back a title wave of tears and curses. 

"So your just going to walk away?!" She yells, the tears in her eyes blurring the outline of his body. She climbs to her feet, a bit shaky and off balance. He wants to reach out and steady her, but he doesn't. His hands find home in his pants pockets; he buries them deep, clutching onto the fabric to keep himself from reaching for her. 

"Okay, that's fine. I didn't ask you to stay. I just thought that maybe, after everything, you might've realized that you had the capability of being a nice person. A good man. But I should've known," She shakes her head, fighting to keep her tears from spilling. She juts a finger out, pressing it square against his chest as she leans in close, her words no more than a whisper, "Once an asshole, always an asshole," 

Bob doesn't even give her time to say anything else, he kneels to grab his keys and wallet before he is turning on his heel. The only thing he hears as he crosses the threshold back into the school is a ragged sob coming from the broken girl he left behind. 

[actualbird]

hi zak! I saw the tags you left on a reblogged post about Luke and suffering in relation to catholicism and that made me think. one of my classmates used to mention "the catholic guilt" (particularly about having desire), and I just thought it fits Luke so well. He felt so guilty about loving Rosa (and leaving her alone...) for so long T-T. Also, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about catholic and filipino luke if you'd like to write about it!

irt to these deranged tags i left on this post abt suffering as salvation and luke forever ago, screencapped below for reference

hello hello! sorry this response took Ages but now im finally down to answer this so....

//steeples hands.....is luke pearce catholic coded? to Me, yes, and ive been casually throwing around this concept ever since 2021 HAHA. the filipino bit is actually just me projecting, so i wont go too much into that, but the religious bit Is something i wanna talk about. and i apologize in advanced for how long this response is gonna end up being

quick disclaimer b4 i start tho: im Not a theologian or an expert in religious theory, im just some guy who went through over a decade of catholic school and lives in the philippines, a primarily catholic country. this whole response is not saying "catholicism bad." it's more the institutions from where we experience catholicism from can twist it into something harmful, and i got to experience that first hand and how it affects one's view of themselves

ANYHOO, LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING

like....the Beginning beginning

part 1: in the beginning, adam and eve did an oopsie so now we're all saddled with original sin (i swear this is important to luke pearce, bear with me)

quick recap on those who are unfamiliar: in the book of Genesis, god told adam and eve not to eat from the tree of knowledge. and then they did. this was the first ever sin in the history of humankind, and it is inherited by all humans through birth. so like, yay, happy entrance into the world, newly born baby child! you are guilty of sin already. this original sin is most usually absolved though through baptism, so it's not too much of a problem. but what im interested here is less of the nitty gritty semantics and more of the concept this all puts forth:

that under catholicism and similar denominations, a child, somebody who has not done any wrong at all, is inherently tainted by sin

now, the Good reaction to sin or any wrongdoing one has done is to recognize it and to atone for forgiveness. and within the "recognition" part is where guilt lies. functionally, guilt has a purpose. it makes us realize that we had done something wrong, it makes us feel remorseful, and it adds motivation to atone, to turn a new leaf, and to be better. in healthy amounts, guilt is useful and a natural part of being conscious over the things you do. and in unhealthy amounts, guilt is agonizing.

but thats for stuff you actually Did.

if the thing you are guilty for isnt actually something you were responsible over, the guilt cant do anything to make any of it better. you cant be a better person from it, because you didnt even do it. it just sits there, making you feel horrible for something that was out of your control. but because guilt is a Good thing to do, it doesnt matter if it's functional or not. it needs to stay. because it's Good, and the sin youre saddled with (whether or not you were responsible) is Bad

now let's bring in luke

luke's parents died when he was very young. this led him to living with mc's family, and a huge insecurity and fear he had from the beginning was that he felt guilty for burdening them, for stealing the love and care from mc's parents when that shouldve been for mc alone. the story SSR Shape Of You goes into this particular childhood experience extensively (and i highly reccommend it to anyone who hasnt read it yet), and tells us that his guilt was so bad that he wanted to run away and even erase himself from existence.

but luke didnt even do anything wrong

at the time, he was a child. he had no bearing whatsoever in the accident that killed his parents, he had no sway over who wouldve ended up looking after him, he had no control over the situation. like a newborn baby born under catholic doctrine, luke finds himself inherently tainted by and guilty for the circumstances that landed him to where he was.

this kind of pattern is going to follow him for the rest of his life, and the concept of inherent sin and inherent guilt begins to evolve. if luke can find himself guilty for things out of his control, then he can also find himself guilty for things that arent even sins in the first place

key example: love

like you said, luke feels immense guilt over loving mc. but why? love is the opposite of a sin, afterall.

it's just a sin when luke does it. because luke sees himself as inherently bad, and sees mc as inherently good. he sees himself as unworthy of her or someone who will just bring pain into her life, and causing pain someone you love is bad. if love is the knife he uses to hurt someone he loves, then that love is bad. that love should not be realized, and luke should feel guilty for even yearning for her.

by this point i think it's obvious that original concept has become twisted and overly punishing, even cruel. and thats because:

a lot of institutions teach catholic doctrine in an unhealthy and harmful manner. this is why many catholics and lapsed catholics experience The Catholic Guilt(TM). what was originally a pretty reasonable thing gets blown out of proportion from the places we learn these things from, and then getting exposed to this for majority of our lives lets it worm its way into our brain where it'll tend to stay

and if one's brain also has a tendency for self hatred and/or mental illness........well. it all gets worse.

it's clear in canon that luke is uhhhh not the most mentally well individual. his guilt is so overwhelming that it's the driving force in so many of his choices, stories, and experiences. which is big reason #1 for why luke just seems so catholic to me, because of the sheer intensity of his guilt and how he sees himself as inherently bad and unworthy.

but in the roadmap of sin, thats only the beginning. because the process goes:

sin (bad) -> recognition of the bad aided by guilt (good) -> atonement to become better (good)

which leads to big reason #2

part 2: suffering, pain, and misery as atonement

it's important to note that catholicism does not posit that "suffering is good", but there is a clear pattern of veneration for people who endure suffering under noble causes. many, many people in catholic history have been martyred (and many also sainted), one of the biggest examples being jesus himself.

pain is not good, but someone who chooses to take it on for good reasons (self-sacrifice, martyrdom, putting others above one's self) or stays good in spite of all the pain they experienced (unwavering faith, a heart of gold), well, THAT person is good.

however, like a lot of stuff in catholicism, things get twisted into extreme variations because of how it gets taught or experienced. it doesnt take a genius to see how "people who endured pain for good reasons were brave and devoted people" can transform into "to experience pain is inherently noble" when you take into consideration that many sins (like, of the seven deadly sins variety, pride, sloth, lust, etc etc) are variations of indulgence.

specifically over-indulgence, yes, but there's a dichotomy now. here, in the list of Good Stuff are things that feel not-so-good, and over in the list of Bad Stuff are things that do feel good

bad stuff is a sin, and from part 1, sins are things you should be guilty for

and now, to feel good is also bad, so you should be guilty for that. which reinforces the concept that to feel bad is good.

congratulations, you've unintentionally glorified suffering and demonized pleasure! //sad trumpet noises

you can see this kind of thinking pretty clearly in luke pearce. there are the big examples like the previous one i brought up, where he feels so guilty for his feelings for mc. but it appears even in smaller casual situations, like in his 1st birthday event story. this moment was seared into my brain

"can i look forward to this?" is indicative of hesitating in the face of happiness. even something as mundane as anticipating a birthday surprise is something to be approached with caution, feels too good to be true, to be allowed, because feeling good is bad and luke doesnt see himself worthy of it

but okay, we're all guilty now of the horrible sin of enjoying life. what comes next? atonement, becoming better, growing from the bad to become good, right?

and what better way to cleanse one's self from the sin of feeling good but through the nobleness of enduring pain?

luke is guilty over the sin robbing burdening mc and her family -> thats okay he's leaving for college anyway! wont be able to burden them there -> oopsie the NSB happens but hey at least this lone wolf suffering is a great way to atone for his past sin -> oh god the guilt of abandoning mc though -> oh GOD the mission that killed everybody but him -> NEW ACHIEVEMENT: SURVIVOR'S GUILT ON TOP OF THE CATHOLIC GUILT! -> oh GOD he's even guiltier now of his feelings for mc because of his illness, he'll only bring pain to her, how selfish of him to have feelings like this, bad and wrong -> the best way to handle this is to stay away from her to let her live in peace (lacking the pain that luke will bring) and deprive himself of her who brings him joy (inflicting pain of separation onto sinner as punishment) -> the path to salvation (to being good, because only in being Good is someone worthy of love) is through constant suffering and endless self-deprivation

kinda insane how luke's self-perceived sins and self-inflicted sufferings gain compound interest of misery, but his spiral into self-loathing is littered with this kind of nonsensical "because i did [THING], i should deserve pain/NOT deserve happiness"

for luke, suffering became the mode of atonement, it became the solution for sin and guilt.

part 3: conclusion

to wrap this all up, i wanna make it clear that i dont necessarily think luke is like, catholic in the story. nor is even it a headcanon i have. it's more that the intensely self-punishing thought patterns luke has in relation to guilt and suffering are very, very familiar. it resonates in a way that is horridly relatable to people who have experienced these specific catholic experience woes, but it can also resonate in completely different ways to other people as well.

but given that....yeah. based on my own experiences, all this //gestures at too-long response, is why i keep using catholic language and imagery whenever i talk about luke. it's so familiar. he's so familiar. luke would not be out of place in a filipino catholic high school crying during a 3 day retreat

thanks for the ask!!!

[monochromatic-clover]

Hello people

I did a silly thing i'll explain a bit better later (1 am jumpscare)

But these are my ocs that I originally based off the HMS concept, but eventually they developed from that and became their own species and have their own lives and names and stuff and it's very goofy??

Originally these goober were generally sonas I made of myself to animate to Biggerirng when I was sad a lot but then I redesigned them when I listened to Chonny Jash's cover of the bidding and said "yo this is actually fire?? Why do I relate to this so much?" (Seriously why) and thus my HMS sonas were born, though they are no longer my sonas nor entirely made for a single song for me to do my silly "AAA" thing.

They are now a species that I've made called "Souls". Souls are usually born with a heart or a mind, (which aren't supposed to be sentient, but there's a reason for that i swear). Souls need their Hearts and Minds to function, and should they get those ripped out of them, then once the Mind and or Heart is removed and far enough away from them, the idiots seize to have anything but feral thoughts as they twist into unrecognizable creatures. Why do their silly special attributes get snatched? Why, you punched Bethany in the face in high school, and you were dumb enough to duel her back.

Duels. They are something people do when they're pissed. You aren't legally allowed to do it without another Soul's consent, or you face legal punishments. If you snatched a Soul's Heart or Mind but they get it back and keep it with them (in a metal that I haven't named yet to prevent sentient-ness), the soul will not become a "lost soul".

And regarding the sentient thing, Hearts and Minds, if not placed in a place made of sparklemetal (name still being workshopped) will humanize in a sense and become sentient. Interestingly enough, if they stay nearby their Soul, then that Soul won't become a lost soul either, but it's now inconvenient that your Heart/Mind has legs that it knows how to use.

Most Soul's are born with a single thing, either a Heart or a Mind, and they usually don't have two. Clover just previously had both as a standalone character and I just kinda spiced them up and then they were no longer an HMS persona, and thus gained their own personality and attributes. I'll explain Clover later.

[brb-on-a-quest]

What's one of your favorite childhood memories?

Hello, friend, good to see you, even if you do hide in the shadows. Hope you are well. <3

Let me tell you about a time I fell in love with storytelling all over again. I grew up on stories; I loved having my dad read to me when I was little (we read Narnia books, the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings, Robin Hood, etc. I loved *all* of it). I loved the stories of found families and tight friendships like it was my bread and butter because I hadn't made any friends I could get closed to bc family moved around a lot (a decision I don't resent my family for now, but despised as a kid), and I wasn't really *that* close to my family either due to probably a variety of factors, not excluding mental health issues. I won't delve for the sake of length, you get the point. I was a sad and lonely child and my closest friends were imaginary. Anyway back to more concrete events:

We had just moved from Florida to Virginia, which is about 1000 miles away and over 13 hour drive (for context), and we had just started a new co-op (think like homeschool school, but it only met like once a week, it was one of the ways we'd start building up a new social circle or something). And one of the classes I took in was something music (more likely theater? related but that might have a different semester) and the first week of this co-op I remember they gave us a bingo card with a bunch of famous movie soundtracks and they told us we were going to identify the movie based on the song alone.

I got 2/20 or something bc I hadn't even heard of most of these movies bc i just hadn't been exposed to it. It was things like Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, maybe spongebob- pop culture stuff that I just hadn't seen. So everyone else was getting excited and I was feeling more and more out of the loop and alone.

I swear this turns happy at the end, bear with me, anon. They play the final music track and I don't recognize it at all but it fills me with such great joy and a call for a new adventure that I hadn't even realized music could do that before (we didn't listen to a lot of our own music growing up, it was mainly whatever my parents found appropriate or what my dad liked).

It was How To Train Your Dragon. Test Drive. John Powell. And then like the musical scores, they showed the scene it was from. A boy and his dragon racing, flying through the air. And I fell in love With the characters arcs per se, but I could tell there was a deep lore there and a story of friendship that I craved so much. It was also right up my alley with stories my Dad had read me so there was also that. But like the music was fantastic, I really liked the visuals at the time (i usually hate most 3D animation films, HTTYD is the exception), and I craved the story behind it.

I saved up money from Birthday and Christmas and ended up buying it. And I watched it. And I fell in love even harder. Cause, in some sense, I related to hiccup too much. I was a creative person, like he was, I had very little friends like he did at the beginning, we had similar senses of humor at some points, and he was fascinated with knowing and learning things. And he had a big dragon friend and i again craved that friendship deeply. So he added to the crew of imaginary friends and I went on many imaginary adventures with Hiccup and Toothless and told myself so many stories that I wish I could remember now for writing inspo.

I ended up moving from Virginia to middle of nowhere Midwest US (not saying where in case the Fey Find Out), and I did end up meeting my IRL Toothless. A little bit scary on the outside at firsts, but with an actual heart of a silly, goofy, dragon. (brb, im getting emotional just thinking about it. It'd be about 7 years now? Coming up? I may be bad at math. I feel old and happy and content.)

So yeh, in short it was a very much right place, right time kind of story and film. I still watch it a lot whenever I need a comfort film that's not as long as LOTR or something. I love the soundtrack and all of the things about it. Sorry, this was probably way longer than it should've been but IDK how to describe my love for this story without giving you some context.

[ragingstillness]

Finally getting around to watching CM:E

Thoughts thus far:

Rossi is sad and I remain pissed that they killed Krystal for no reason

Grey!Em is still my favorite thing

Happy to hear some swearing, the original show needed more of it

Let Rossi say fuck 2k24

“Remote Garcias” “we’re not gonna learn their names” lol Luke stays savage

“Anglophile baking club” oh come on Garcia. We all saw how shockingly queer everyone at that party is. It’s a kiki, plain and simple

Weren’t Luke and Garcia going to go on a date? Oh it’s been three years

“Take your carbs and exit sir” I love Garcia so much

“Hoo-ha” lol, burn Goop to the ground

“Korean drama” it’s a BTS anti unsub

Garcia straight up flapping I love her so much

Damn the writers for this Krystal flashback

Emily is gonna eat this Deputy Director alive

Oh thank fuck at least the rest of Dave’s family is alive

The Galvez cheek kiss *eeeee*

That little head kiss, Rossi’s such a dad/grandad

Damn Sicarius how do you have the time to dig all these holes?

Hahahahahaha I picked up on Tara and Rebecca at the same time as Emily

Waha Tara being openly queer!!!

Paget is like a proud mama that someone in the BAU finally gets to be queer

Dang this cashier girl is like literally saying exactly what I do at work

“My floof” I relate to this girl so hard

“Jagoff!” “Fuckhead!” Get his ass Rossi

Damn this therapy talk is so accurate go Garcia

Garcia and Rossi’s friendship is my Roman Empire

Man I can’t believe Sicarius actually thought that he could control obsessional killers. Dude, they aren’t going to listen to you

Sicarius you anti-retail asshole. I will dream of smashing you in the head with an axe from the hardware store where I work

Emily and Dave walking together both with grey hair look so cool now

“Is everyone but me getting laid?” “I’m not” lol ngl I appreciate the increased sexual humor

That’s my girl Garcia! I hate what it’s gonna do to your mental health to be back but I’m happy to see you

Dude if you’re gonna be a criminal psychopath with these amazing computer skills, how are you not at least making money off of it? Like, there is zero reason for you to be poor. Normally I wouldn’t say that about anyone but dude, are you seriously providing these kill kits for free?

Wait a sec he actually /took/ the dog? He didn’t just kill it? Dickhead!

“This fucking guy” yeah Rossi, read my mind about most unsubs on this show

Rebecca and Tara’s height difference is kind of killing me in this elevator scene they’re so cute

Garcia are you wearing Rocky Horror earrings? Love that

Haha fine furry friends returns

Dang y’all is Rossi the only one allowed to say fuck? It makes him sound like a teenager that just learned all the swear words. Let Garcia say fuck 2k24

I can’t believe that it’s an actual plot line that COVID prevented serial killers from killing so they had to change it up and go online. I’m sure the writers thought it sounded cool but it just sounds silly. What, did Sicarius’ first kill kits also include PPE?

Also why are these guys so willing to kill themselves for Sicarius? They seem like devoted to the cause and frankly, so many of these guys are narcissists and we’ve just seen one defy Sicarius, why are they listening to him? Seriously? No matter what he has on them, why would they consider it more important to follow his orders than their compulsions?

“You two-faced little jerk” yeah I hope he heard that

Soon we’re gonna be seeing Emily’s daydreams about killing people, not just Sicarius’.

Seriously, the idea of Sicarius having money problems is so dumb to me. He’s been shown to have immense resources and technological capability as well as ample time to use them. There is no reason why he should be financially unstable. I get that stuff like private school is expensive but dude, DUDE, you’re running a network of serial killers! It’s not THAT expensive! I feel like this whole plot point is set up to humanize him to a degree and it isn’t working well.

God whatever props guy worked on these posts for the fake forum Sicarius is using had fun. There’s a user named George_Jungle_fkr whose post consists of “I have a waifu, too!!! She lives in the jungle. I fuck in the jungle. I kill in the jungle.” With a profile picture of George of the Jungle. No shit. Pause on that screen, it’s wild. User GetHungry1893 with a post about not judging people and a profile pic of a man with bloody hands sucking on a bone. User NotSoFast with a drag racing car profile pic and with a post titled “I’m getting more guns!” That then goes on to use the phrase “waifu” and *wink wink*. User Tiredoftheblood101 with a bloodspot clipart profile pic and use of the term “OP”, asking about how to kill his MOM (capitalization his). Also in the background a user named Anonymous1232 with the anonymous logo as their profile pic.

Wait Sicarius actually has a real job? He wasn’t just bullshitting about it so he could travel all over the country? What, is running this serial killer network like a side hustle for him? Wait wait wait and he’s going on business trips that the company is actually sending him on? Like he’s following their directives? And driving a company car? This is insane. If they’re gonna characterize Sicarius the way they have been, none of this makes sense. Side note: the guy playing Sicarius is actually a good actor and after some of the previous disappointments (Scratch and the Chameleon) it’s nice to see.

This DEI discussion between Sicarius’ daughter and the redneck neighbor was not something I expected to see in Criminal Minds.

“You fucking beta cuck” yeah pretty much what I’d expect from a guy like this. But also, hysterical to hear incel language being used in real life. Damn man, you just called his daughter a bitch? He’s gonna flay you alive! I wouldn’t provoke anyone like that, even without knowing they’re the head of a serial killer network. Anyone can snap you dumbass.

“Somebody should do something about that guy.” Oh of course she says this to the serial killer. Good lord. “I’m glad you’re not that somebody.” Oh honey yes he is lol. Or he’ll send someone from the network to do it.

Ha I just realized that I carried a case exactly like the kill kit cases when I worked for the Red Cross. Contained equally suspicious things (needles, gauze, etc), if you didn’t know what company I was working for lol.

“Those who bankrolled you” then why is he having money problems god this is so dumb! “I’m not putting a gun to my head” yeah I predicted this would happen.

More hysterical users on Sicarius’ platform: User NotSoFast at it again “I miss my family. Bad aim” User Ript4u, with a muscular torso pic talking about the fruitlessness of love, calling people lemmings, “simps,” “bitchboy,” “I will dominate,” and the delightful paragraph “These bitches think they’re got it all figured out. Walking on a cloud of happy thoughts and unicorn farts.”

Haha Garcia said fan fiction! We made it to the mainstream lol.

“Honey let it go” woman he called your daughter a bitch! I’d punch him for that!

Damn Tara you’re gonna get your gf fired

“Typical bureaucratic bullshit” yes YES the old man is out! Rossi ur a king

Is Sicarius really there in person! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Oh wow he is what a dumbass! And so close to the bomb zone too! Did you want to get blown up too?!

Yeah bringing in domestic terror was a mistake.

“Excellent. I never wanted it in the first place” also kind of misogynistic to turn to Rossi after Emily rejected you.

“Wank-weasel” Garcia ur my spirit animal

“You’re a hedge fund manager with a badge. You have never done anything” get his ass Emily! I guess after Barnes the BAU has completely lost their patience for bureaucratic dickheads

“I just wanted you to hold my hand” they are soft gfs and I love them

About time one of the unsubs turned on Sicarius

Screw the propaganda that you can just make dogs eat people when they’ve been totally docile and relaxed their whole lives

Hey Sicarius, you remembering how annoying it is to do your own cleanup now?

Who the fuck is this guy Elias is hallucinating?

Genuinely curious how he finds time to make these custom foam inserts for the briefcases

Ok why is it taking so long to identify the victims found from Sicarius? This is set in 2022, DNA is fast and common.

Can’t believe this Tyler guy looked into Garcia enough to send her the encrypted locations but not enough to figure out she literally worked for the FBI. His anger over her handing over the info makes zero sense.

I know a lot of ppl hate Will for getting in the way of Jemily but he’s a very good husband. Patient, intelligent, cute. I like him.

“I believe you, but will Mom?” This new sibling energy between Rossi and Emily is everything. Also that burgundy blazer set is amazing on her.

I think Tyler has a little crush on Garcia. He just wants a woman who will kick his ass.

“Because of you I feel safe in our home” so cute literally so romantic I love them when they’re sweet

Only tangentially related but I’d love to see an episode where a serial killer breaks into another serial killer’s house. Like would it go “whoops my bad” or “you asshole you jacked my plan!” or would they just kill each other

Garcia’s little rant is hilarious

“I’m not a problem. I’m a delight. I’m a little dramatic but wonderful” yes you are Garcia

I almost believe the deputy director truly didn’t want to be overseeing this case. My guess, without watching the episode, is that he wants to prove he has some field experience so Emily can’t use it against him anymore. Also he might have a small crush on her and be a little afraid of Rossi. This season is full of men who like dominant women and I support that. I don’t support any sort of relationship between this man and Emily but I support the concept

“Bullshit. She broke your heart.” Welcome to working with profilers sir.

Also finally figured out what Emily’s scathing inditement of the deputy director reminded me of: it’s Hotch’s profiling of his team to defend them against Strauss

Emily’s smile when she finally got one over the deputy director, so pretty

Garcia and her ‘puter like she literally did the cat meme

Ok the orange crocs are a sin I would throw a folder at him too

Not surprised Will doesn’t have cancer but pissed they even teased us with it.

Haha Garcia is gonna make that dude keep the cat lol

Oh hey Sicarius. Nice to see you. Gonna kill a senator now?

lol Sicarius is like yeah I’m not sticking around for this freaky Oedipal shit. You can bankroll me, but I’m not into voyeurism on this

I know we’re supposed to be worried but 1) using a streaming site undercuts the tension of thinking a character will die and 2) that was the sexiest wheels up ever

Hahaha wow they didn’t even try to give us a realistic justification for Sicarius taking off his shirt