#I think with this one it becomes a bit clear who I based myself of to make Maria

[asavt]

A shared headspace, a solution to Maria's nightmares. A look into the puppet's memories.

The technician unknowingly adopts the spirit that plays the role of the grim reaper.

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

You belong to me

Paring: upper ranks + Muzan x Fem!reader

Synopsis: In different pov's, their jealously turn them a bit crazy

Content: possessiveness, jealousy, hinted smut, choking, fave grabbing, slight blood play, demon reader in Akaza, Nakime and kokushibo's part, kidnapping on Douma and Muzan's part, escape attempt, Muzan grabs you by the neck like that one guy in 365 days lol, arranged marriage theme on Muzans part

A/n: yall know that song by the weeknd? had to write some possessive jealous shit based on that song with some demons! WHAAAA I NEVER WRITTEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!🥴might do one with the hashira next🤭

Akaza

Akaza is known to not like his fellow upper ranks. You've seen it first hand when Muzan allowed you to attend an upper rank meeting since you became a demon by Akaza. He hated them all with a passion. Especially the ones ranked above him. With this knowledge, what in the hell possessed you to give any of them your attention?

Not just any upper rank, either. Douma in particular. In your defense, once Douma starts speaking, it's hard to shoo him off, especially given that you're much weaker than Douma is, so you play along to keep your reputation on a good note. You simply smile and nod at his nonsense. You knew Akaza wasn't going to step in since he'd rather run in the sunlight than talk to Douma if you were on your own.

How wrong you thought you were. Once Muzan actually left, Douma become more bold. Asking you personal questions, standing to close and even about to hold your hand, but before you could answer, you heard the sounds of blood splatter on the floor. Your eyes widened at how quick Douma's arm was severed.

"Oh, come now, lord Akaza. I was just joking-" "Shut up for once." Akaza snarled at douma in pure disgust. You wanted to say something, but you felt your feet leave the ground. Akaza had grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder and walked away from Douma while holding you. It always amazed you just how fast he was, but you knew how mad he was. The anger was just raiding off Akaza.

Akaza made sure to be far away from the other upper ranks in the infinitely castle and walked into one of the many empty rooms. Akaza put you down, but then, he backed you up against the wall. You felt your back press flat with your hands on the wall as well, giving how close he was to you. "Lord Akaza, please don't read too much into it. Douma was just being an idiot. " You tried to explain, but Akaza wasn't having any of it.

Akaza raised his brow. "So you're defending him?" His voice rasped as he tilted his head to the side. "No.." Your tone softened and looked at Akaza, worried since that wasn't your intentions. "I don't think I've made myself clear enough if my actions haven't shown it already." Akaza said and brought his hand to your collar bone and rested it there for a moment.

"Demon's I hate don't get the right to talk to who belongs to me." Akaza's face comes closer to yours with his lips now inches away from yours. His hand moves from your collar bone, up to wrap around your throat. "And you entertain a demon like him. Even saying his name from these lips. His fucking, name" Akaza's jaw clenched, and his hand tightens kts grip on your throat.

"Aka..za" his name hitched in your throat. His grip was deadly. You could still breathe. However, Akaza's grip was firm. He wouldn't dare kill his precious demon. It was just a "light" punishment. However, he needed you to learn your lesson and to show your loyalty to him and him alone. "Say my name properly. Or is my strength too much for you to speak?" Akaza smirked.

"L-lord Akaza. Lord Akaza~" you say his mamw twice. The second time you say it, you let out a heavy gasp as akaza lossend his grip on your throat. "You belong to me. Understood?" Akaza asked, keeping that eye contact and tightening his hand around your throat if you dared to look away. You nod quickly, your eyes almost teary from the slight lack of oxygen, and you watch Akaza's lips curl into another smirk.

"Good girl." He chuckled and gave you a kiss.

Nakime

Your girlfriend, Nakime, had summoned you to the infinitely castle. It's her job to always summon the 12 kizuki at the request of Muzan. Naturally, you felt terrified but remained to have a calm once you were summoned. However, Muzan was nowhere to he seen. Just Nakime, sitting there, a level above, and you looked up at her in confusion.

"Pardon for speaking out of turn, but where is lord Muzan," you asked, assuming it was him who wanted to speak with you, but it turns out that wasn't the case. "It was I who summoned you." Nakime spoke, her tone a bit quiet yet blunt. You chuckled and cut the formal introduction since Muzan isn't here, and you can speak freely since it's just you and your girlfriend.

"You do know it's probably a bad idea to summon me since you're taking me away from my work. Search of the blue spider lily and all." You grinned at Nakime and palced your hand on your hip. "I was keeping an eye on you. One of upper 4's clones has gotten closer to you. Haven't he? " Nakima said. You detected slight irritation in her voice, mentioning one of Hantengu's clones, but instead of asking a question for a question, you always knew it was better to answer her first.

"Ah, Urogi, yes. I wouldn't say we are close. However, he's a fun demon to work with. He likes to have a bit of joy and humor on our search," you answered. It isn't abnormal for Nakime to use her blood demon art this way. Especially since she's on the lookout to find the ubuyashiki family in the demon slayer core. Still, you couldn't hide your smile knowing Nakime was most likely thinking about you and wanted to check in on you.

"I forbid you to speak to him. Your task is to look for the spider lily. Not entertain each other with humorous jokes and touching," Nakime said. Her words made your heart spot for a moment and knew exactly what she was talking about. Urogi has always been proud of his sharp talons and would often tease you with them, but on this mission, he wanted to take it up a notch and poked your cheek.

To you, it was a wholesome moment. Urogi was just teasing, nothing different he dosnt do to the others, but Nakima had to see that, and she was furious. Urogi only touched you once in a playful manner, and it was enough for her to use her blood demon art to summon her back to you in that very moment. "He was getting too close to you for my liking and being bold enough to do that. Especially bringing those filthy claws of his to touch my woman's pretty face."

During this entire time, her facial expression remained unchanged until now. You could see her lips form into a frown and even watched as her teeth clenched together in a snarl. She was jealous. "Urogi was just being playful. I wouldn't read too deep into it, love. Sekido is probably scoling Urogi right now for wasting time to focus on finding the blue spider lily." You reassure Nakima, but she wouldn't let it go.

"Come here." Nakime took her biwa off her lap and rested it gently beside her on the floor and motioned her finger for you to come sit in front of her. You did as Nakime asked and sat down in front of her. You wanted to explain further to find the right words to reassure Nakime, but before you could, her hand grabbed your face

You gasped. Your breathing became unsteady as you felt her firm grip, her four fingers on one cheek while the other had her thumb, or rather her nail, poking onto your skin. The same spot Urogi poked at. "I will not allow a man's to touch to linger on what belongs to me." Nakime's voice turned cold. "You belong to me." She said as her thumb nail pressed harder, breaking your skin until blood slowly pours out.

Your jaw opens, and you inhale a sharp breath with your eyes barely open as you feel the sting. You're a demon, so of course it'll heal, and Nakime didn't pierce too deep. It was her way of wanting to hear her words come out of your mouth. You kept your eyes on her and eventually spoke up. "I belong to you~" Your voice hitched as you felt nails nail pull away from your skin.

Nakime leaned in closer to lick the blood from your cheek and watched as your cut healed already. She kissed your cheek and then came closer to your ear and whispered, "That's right. You belong to me, beautiful." Nakime said. Her hand lets go of your face and then trails her sharp nails down your neck.

You shivered until her fingers reached your kimono, near your tits and Nakime smirked. "I should remind you of how a woman's touch feels. So you'll never let another man touch you again," Nakime said. You bit your lip softly, feeling the heat rise higher in your body and your thighs squeezing together more. "I want that," you said, and Nakime's smirk only grew.

"Open your thighs for me and lay back. I'll show you how good these fingers work other than playing a biwa"

Kokushibo

His brother has been dead for centuries. Yet his name still echos throughout history but never would kokushibo think that his brothers name, yoriichi, would leave your lips.

Although you're a demon now and have been for a while now, you could still recount memories you had during your times as a human, especially in the demon slayer core. It was basically a law for any of the 12 kizuki to never speak of Yoriichis' name, yet you just had to talk about him since gyokko was curious to know how humans thought of him.

"Yoriichi has sun breathing. That's the best way to describe why he's well known even after his death. He could kill any demon in seconds. It's quite impressive," you admit to gyokko, and he nods his head, humming in response. Kokushibo had already been looking for you, but he never interrupted any of your conversations when you had them. However, hearing Yoriichis' name from you alone set him off to act out.

He came from around the coner and stood behind you. "Do I think yoriichi could beat Kokushibo? Well maybe-" you said but then saw both of gyokko's mouths open as he looked behind you. Your brow raised in question, and you turned around to see what shook him so much, but now you realized. "Kokushibou hi" you smiled nervously at him.

"It was good talking to you, bye!!!" Gyokko hides inside his pot, probably in another one by now, so it was just kokushibo and you. "Listen, I was just- oh!" Kokushibou picked you up, and then you heard Nakime's biwa sound, transporting you back to his home. You knew you fucked up. You and gyokko tried to talk in secret, but now kokushibo was going to punish you, a demon for speaking about yoriichi but in his own way.

Kokushibo put you down, turning your body away from him to face the wall with your body pushed up against it. You grunted from the sudden pressure but gasped once your hair was pulled back to face kokushibo. The view was upside down, but you could see just how angry he was. "You know to refrain from using that name. Have you lost your mind?" Kokushibou said, his deep voice almost turning into a growl.

His hand had a fist full of your hair, and not only that, his lower half was just inches away from pressing up against you. "I know- I was just telling memories from my human life I didn't think it was a big deal-" "and you actually believe a person like him could defeat me. Do you really think that? Dose his name interest you so much that you've forgotten just who's wife you belong to?" Kokushibou said.

You had a confused look on your face. Is he seriously jealous at the mention of his brother's name from his lover? You knew kokushibo was jealous, but you didn't expect him to be this possessive. "I'm sorry~" This is all you could mutter out. "Do not. Ever say that name. Again." Kokushibou crouches down to your ear, speaking slow for his words to be understood.

You mewl softly, biting your lip as you nod quickly, understand his words. "My name should be the only name said from those lips." Kokushibou now brought his other hand up to your chin and holding it while his other hand is still gripping your hair. Your back arches just a bit more once you felt Kokushibou press himself up against your ass.

He let out a heavy breath with a deep moan mixed in. "Having your jaw broken for speaking his name is the normal punishment from lord Muzan, since you're a demon and it'd grow back." Kokushibou grinds himself against, letting go of your hair and placing his hand on your tit.

"However, I have my own punishment. Just for you." Kokushibo's breaths become heavy, feeling himself get into heat, and he whispered in your ear.

"A punishment where you'll never remember to say his name and only mine. You belong to me, my pretty demon~"

Douma

His "church" wasn't a church at all. You made the dumbest mistake to have even joined this religious cult. Your "savor", the one who saved you that day from eating eaten like an animal from a group of demons and showing you such kindness was just a cover-up for his true identity, which was a man-eating demon and not just any demon, the 2nd highest rank in 12 strong demons led by an even more powerful demon. The realization sunk in, and you made an ever worse choice than the first one.

You wanted to escape. You wanted out. You thought you planned your escape for a week, asking around what Douma's schedule was like so you knew the perfect days on when to leave, but that back fired on you. When you noticed nobody outside the temple, keeping guard and, of course, no sight of douma, you made a run for it.

You felt relieved. No one was there to stop you until a dark figure appeared from the shadows and snatched you up like you weighed nothing. "I caught you! You sure ran fast. Are you sure you weren't a demon slayer before you came to my temple?" Douma said, smiling from ear to ear.

You tried to catch your breath from running up, but your breath quickly turned into a panic. Douma frowned for a moment, "Oh you poor thing. Don't be scared. We'll get you back to the temple so you can rest for the night," Douma said. With such fake empathy in his tone, it almost sounded sarcastic.

Douma continues to hold your body off the ground in a bear like hug. His muscles flexed to hold you firmly so you couldn't escape. However, looking at Douma more closely, you noticed changes about him. His teeth looked more like fangs. His body against yours felt so cold, almost like he was dead and worst of all. He had "upper 2" written in his eyes. Was this a demon's technique? How was he able to hide these features on him so well around his cult members.

"I don't want to go back!" Your voice trembled. You tried to speak soft, but the panic got to you. Douma only just smiled, speaking in his cheerful voice. "If you're worried about being eaten alive, don't worry, you aren't my type of woman to eat, but you are my type of woman to be around. So I will be keeping you since you asked for my help to save you from those demons that day, so it only makes sense for us to stay together." Douma chuckled.

"What??" You sighed, looking at Douma with worry, fear, and confusion. "I don't belong to you, so let me go!" You hit Douma, but you knew your strengths was no where near compared to his. Douma places his hand on the back of your head, making your rest your chin on his shoulder while he embraces you more and nuzzling his face to your neck, taking in your scent.

"You still don't get it y/n? You're mine. I'm going to keep you until your time as a human is up." Douma said, throwing you over his shoulder and began to walk back to the temple.

"You belong to me and me alone~"

Muzan

2 years had passed since you were kidnapping, and you were finally back and safe with your family. Although your kidnapper, known as the most powerful demon, kidnapped you was bad, he could've been a lot worse. So you like to think of it that way. He could dispose of you at any moment, even when you couldn't help him find the blue spider lily, but he didn't.

You're family for owning a flower company, educated on flowers even so that's the main reason why Muzan took you but he let you go when you were of no use to him anymore. The bond you had with Muzan wasn't always about his work. There was soft intimate moments between you two but you knew not to get your hopes up since in the end, your knowledge wasn't all that useful and he let you leave, putting his work before you.

Your life continued to move forward, and eventually, you had an arranged marriage. A soon to be husband for you. He wasn't bad. He did promise to treat you right, give you his money and etc but deep down, you knew you couldn't love this man but went along with it for the benefits and your familes sake.

The wedding took place during the night. Your in-laws thought it would be a great idea to see how lovely your wedding dress would look in the moonlight. You asked to be alone in the fitting room, and you turned off the lights. Despite being human, you've gown accustomed to the dark and toy opened the window, feeling the night's breeze. Your hands slide down your sides to your hips, and you smile at yourself in the mirror, seeing just how gorgeous you look.

"You look stunning, my dear. They were right. The way the moonlight shines on that beautiful dress is just Devine," a deep familiar voice said. You gasped and turned your head to the window and saw Muzan, sitting in the edge and watching his glowing red eyes trace every inch of your body and even smirking at how the dress hugs your hips and holds up your tits perfect.

"Why are you... h-how did you find me?" You stepped back. Muzan came into your fitting room further and made his way towards you. Your body froze, but your eyes softened once you felt his hand on your cheek. His hand was so cold. "Do you think I'd let just anyone actually go?" Muzan bluntly said. That line alone confirmed your thoughts from a year ago. You weren't actually free, and like you predicted, Muzan would come back to you. However, it wouldn't be for the reason you think.

"I don't have any more knowledge on the spider lily. Even after you let me go, I couldn't find it." You explained to Muzan, but he only grinned. "I have upper ranks to do the job much better and faster than you," He said. His words cut a bit deep since you used as much energy as you could've helped him before. "But you can be useful to me in... other ways," Muzan said as his eyes gestured to your body and then looked back at your face.

It's like the old feelings came rushing back. In your own sick way, you missed this man. Muzan is the worst, curel and dangerous man-eating demon you could've ever met. Yet you knew leaving with him was a choice you had to make now. Your mind snaps out of it once you head a knock at the door. You and Muzan look at the door and hear a woman's voice on the other side.

"Um, y/n? Are you almost done?" One of your maid of honors asked through the door. "Yes, im-" you paused. Your eyes look down to see Muzan's hand slide on your hip and even slide his hand down lower, just like how he used to, but you stopped him. "I'll be right out. Just give me a minute," you say in a worry, and then look at Muzan, his lips inches away from yours, and you spoke quietly.

"You can come by tomorrow night, and we'll talk about this. You came at such an odd time. " You rolled your eyes halfway, trying not to let all these emotions cloud you. You turned around, but the second you did, Muzan had grabbed the back of your neck, making you gasp as he pulled you back to face him. "Mm.." Muzan brought you into a heated kiss, making you stumble back and sit in the mini table in your changing room.

"Y/n!?" Your maid of honor placed her ear on the door after hearing a thund sound. "If you think for a moment I'd let you have some random mam in bed with you, then you're more stupid than I thought," Muzan said as his jaw tensed. You pant as you feel his fingers press into your neck and you placed your hands on his chest for some kind of support.

"You belong to me, and I'm taking you back. The connection we share won't ever disappear, so don't think for a second it will," Muzan said, pulling you into another kiss. This time, you kissed him back. His words may not have been the sweetest, but you understood them. He wanted you, and you wanted him. He pulled away once he heard hard banging on the door.

"Let's go," you said, lifting up your dress, not hesitating for a moment about leaving. Muzan had picked you up, and you heard a biwa sound, transporting you to Muzan's room in an instant. Muzan, put you down. His hands made their way to your body, with one hand on your ass and the other playing with the zipper on your wedding dress.

He smirked at you, letting out a dark chuckle. "Now. Won't you let me give you that wedding night you deserve to have"

[maskedbyghost]

lets continue our talk about situationship!Simon, where this bitch grovels for monthssss

_______________________________________________

situationship!simon starts sending you text messages. before you could expect something like "you up?" or "come to my office.", but after you broke things off with him, simon started sending you heartfelt text messages, apologizing for his past behavior. “i’ve been thinking a lot about what happened between us,” he texted one night. “i realize now how much i hurt you, and i’m truly sorry, love. i understand if you need space, but i wanted you to know how much i regret everything.”

along with his messages, simon started sending you small but meaningful gifts. he remembered how you’d joked about his tea obsession once and that you’d mentioned you only liked chamomile. to your surprise, he found the best brand of chamomile tea and even packed it in a nice box before delivering it to your room.

he even started to open up more. during a late-night phone call, where you could clearly hear that he was drunk, simon said that he started seeing a therapist. “i’m workin on understandin my issues and changin for the better. i want to be better, not just for you love, but for myself. i hope you can see that i’m tryin to change.”

when you asked him to stop calling you love, he refused. “i can’t help it. you’re mine in a way no one else could be, and i don’t want to pretend otherwise.”

as simon keeps showing up with gifts and heartfelt messages, you can’t help but wonder if he’s being real or if he’s just trying to win you back before breaking your heart again.

you still go on dates with other people, and simon is tormented every time he sees you leaving the base in those pretty dresses—dresses he wishes were just for him. he follows you, quietly lurking in the corners of the restaurants or bars where you’re out with your dates. oddly enough, most of the guys you go out with either get transferred to another base or stop calling you after just one date, and you’re doing your best not to blame simon for it. but you know it's him. and he is not sorry at all.

almost every day, simon texts you, asking you out on dates and planning special things for the who of you. all you have to do is say yes, but each time, you refuse. it breaks his heart every time, but it also makes him more determined to try even harder. he knows he deserves this treatment from you.

back when you and simon used to train together on base, it was a special routine you both enjoyed. now, you’ve started asking other guys to help you with exercises, and it drives him wild with jealousy. watching their hands on you makes him see red. after your training sessions with them, simon invites these guys to spar with him. it quickly becomes clear that he’s using these sparring matches as a chance to take out his frustration and anger, landing a few extra hits just to make his point.

despite everything, you still won’t budge, and it’s only making simon more frustrated. the truth is, it’s becoming harder and harder for you to resist him. his persistence is wearing you down, and the more he pushes, the more you find yourself struggling to stay strong.

simon invites you to one of his therapy sessions, saying his therapist thinks it would be helpful for him and his progress. during the session, he opens up about his struggles and insecurities, laying everything bare. as he talks, you start to feel sympathy for him. it’s clear he’s determined to change and work on himself, and you see how genuine his efforts are.

one night, you were preparing tea in the kitchen when a girl you know from the base asked for simon’s number. she mentioned she was interested in him, which made you jealous. you snapped at her, making it clear that he would never be interested in a girl like her. simon overheard the whole thing and couldn’t help but smirk to himself. it was clear you still had feelings for him, and he took a bit of satisfaction in that.

later that night he sent one simple message to you: "that's my girl. i belong to you, and you only."

after that message, simon stepped up his game. he started sending you lots of sweet texts and little gifts, and even took care of some of your paperwork. it was hard to ignore how much he was trying, and you found it tougher to resist him as he kept showing you how much he cared.

a few months after managing to ignore simon as best as you could, you caught a nasty cold and were stuck in your room. you only texted price to let him know you needed a few days off because you were sick, and got back in your bed trying to sleep that cold off. a few hours later, as you were still trying to fall asleep, you heard your door open. simon walked in, carrying a bunch of bags, a worried look on his face.

“i came as soon as I could,” simon said, worry in his voice. “i brought you soup and medicine.”

simon didn’t leave your side for days. he only went back to his room to grab more clothes and shower. he was insistent on helping you with everything, even assisting you with your showers in the most respectful way possible of course. he’d sit in a chair next to your bed, and you felt a pang of guilt seeing how much he was giving up for you. you even tried to convince him to go get some rest, but despite your protests, he somehow ended up in your bed, gently spooning you as you slept.

simon would whisper sweet things in your hair, thinking you were asleep. you heard every word as he softly talked about how much he missed you, how sorry he was for everything, and how he wanted to make things right. even though you were sick and exhausted, his words touched you deeply.

once you were feeling better, you found simon sitting alone in a common room, lost in thought. you approached him quietly and gently kissed the side of his face. with a soft smile, you whispered, “take me on that date you promised.”

_______________________________________________

@daydreamerwoah

[whereforarthur]

Love at First Podcast

Request: oh one where your a recent new youtuber who’s grown really fast and you get on bach’s and arthur podcast and arthur thinks you’re pretty and is instally his types when he finds out your interests are like his, like his cute like intrested in shark facts and playing chess <33

Pairing: ArthurTv x Youtuber!Reader

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

*****

“Falling in love is very real, but I used to shake my head when people talked about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri

"Alright, love, you're on in three, two, one..."

The countdown echoed in my ear, and my heart skipped a beat as the podcast host's voice grew distant. I, Y/n, a London-based YouTuber with a burgeoning audience, had scored a guest spot on "The Bach and Arthur Podcast," a podcast hosted by none other than ItalianBach and ArthurTv. Known for their charismatic banter and intellectual discussions, the duo had stumbled upon my channel during a late-night scroll and had been asked by their viewers to have me on as a guest, thinking that me and Arthur would get along.

Arthur's husky voice resonated through the airwaves, "Welcome to the podcast, Y/n. We're thrilled to have you with us today."

My voice quivered slightly as I replied, "Thanks for having me, guys. I'm a bit nervous, to be honest."

"Don't worry," Isaac assured me with a chuckle, "We're just here to have a good chat."

The conversation flowed easily as we discussed various topics, from the latest YouTube drama to our favorite hobbies. It was when we touched on shark facts that Arthur's interest seemed to peak. His eyes lit up, and his enthusiasm was palpable even through the microphone.

"Oh, you're into sharks, are you?" Arthur's voice was a warm cup of tea on a rainy afternoon, comforting and inviting. "I've always been fascinated by those majestic creatures. Did you know that the average human is more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than a shark?"

My mind raced as I tried to keep up with Arthur's sudden barrage of facts. It was clear he had a deep love for these predators of the deep, and I couldn't help but be charmed by his passion. As we delved further into the topic, I found myself smiling more and more at his excitement. The way he spoke about sharks with such affection and admiration was like nothing I had ever heard before.

Arthur leaned back in his chair, a knowing smile playing on his lips as he listened to me share my favorite shark trivia. Inwardly, I was kicking myself for not preparing more. I hadn't expected to find someone as enamored with these creatures as I was, especially not a well-known YouTuber like him. It was like he had peeked into the secret corners of my soul and found the one thing that truly made me tick.

"So, Y/n," Arthur began, his tone smooth and curious, "What sparked your interest in sharks?"

I took a deep breath, ready to dive into my lifelong obsession. "Well, it all started when I was a kid. My granddad used to take me to the aquarium every summer. There was this massive shark tank, and I was just captivated by them. They're so misunderstood, you know? They're not mindless killers, they're just doing their thing in the ocean, keeping the ecosystem in check."

Arthur nodded eagerly, his eyes never leaving mine. "Absolutely. And what's your favorite species?"

The question caught me off guard, but I replied without hesitation, "The thresher shark. They're so elegant with their long tails. It's like watching a ballet dancer underwater."

Arthur's eyes widened in surprise, and a grin spread across his face. "Thresher sharks? That's a unique choice. They're quite fascinating indeed."

*****

In the midst of our shared enthusiasm, Arthur's thoughts veered inward. He couldn't believe the person he was talking to was not only beautiful but also shared his obscure interest in sharks. It was like finding a unicorn in a bustling London street. He had always appreciated a good-looking person, but to find someone as pretty as Y/n who also loved the same quirky things he did? It was almost too good to be true.

Isaac, ever the observant one, couldn't help but tease his friend. "Arthur, it seems like you've found your soulmate here," he said with a smirk, interrupting our shark-filled discussion. "The only thing that would make this better is if she was into chess too."

The room grew quiet for a moment as Arthur's cheeks flushed a faint shade of pink. "Well, as it happens," I began, a playful smile forming on my lips, "I've been playing chess since I was eight. My dad taught me, and it's been a bit of a family tradition."

Arthur's jaw practically dropped. "No way," he exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief and excitement. "That's incredible. I've been playing since I was about the same age."

The energy in the room shifted as the three of us swapped stories about our chess triumphs and defeats. Arthur's passion was contagious, and before I knew it, I was sharing tales of late-night tournaments and the thrill of capturing a king with an unexpected move. His eyes lit up with every detail, and I felt a flutter in my stomach as his gaze held mine, as if we were the only two people in the room.

Isaac couldn't resist the urge to stir the pot further. "So, Arthur," he said with a mischievous glint in his eye, "are you going to challenge our shark-loving, chess prodigy to a match?"

The tension in the room thickened as Arthur's cheeks grew a deeper shade of pink. He cleared his throat, trying to play it cool. "Well, I wouldn't want to impose, but if Y/n is up for it, I'd be more than happy to have a friendly game."

Isaac couldn't contain his laughter. "Oh, come on, Arthur. You're practically drooling over the board at the thought of it."

I blushed, a little overwhelmed by Arthur's intense stare but also thrilled by the challenge. "I'd love to," I said, trying to sound casual despite the racing of my heart.

Isaac leaned back in his chair, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Well, it looks like we've got ourselves a date, folks. Arthur, you're on."

*****

The podcast went on, but the underlying tension between Arthur and I was unmistakable. Our shared passions had created a connection that neither of us had anticipated. The conversation shifted to other topics, but my mind kept wandering back to the thought of our upcoming chess match. Would it be a friendly game, or would the competition heat up?

Arthur's eyes met mine, and I felt a jolt of excitement. He was more than just a handsome face; he had a sharp intellect and a quirky charm that was hard to resist. As the podcast wound down, the nervousness I felt earlier had transformed into a thrilling anticipation of what lay ahead. His smile was disarming, and the way his hair fell over his forehead made my pulse quicken. I found myself trying to imagine what it would be like to sit across from him, each of us plotting our next move on the chessboard.

The podcast concluded with a flurry of thank yous and promises to keep in touch. After we signed off, Arthur turned to me, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "So, when do you think we should have this chess showdown?"

I laughed, feeling the same thrill he did. "How about this weekend? We could meet up at a café in the city, somewhere with a decent table and a relaxed atmosphere."

He nodded eagerly. "Perfect. I know just the place. It's a little hidden gem, great for a quiet game and a cup of tea."

The days leading up to the weekend felt like an eternity. I found myself replaying our conversation in my head, analyzing every word, every smile, every gesture. It was more than just a chess game; it was a chance to get to know Arthur better, to explore the depths of his personality as we navigated the strategic dance of pawns and rooks.

When the day finally arrived, I walked into the café with a mix of excitement and nerves. The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, and the soft murmur of chatter created a cozy backdrop for our battle of wits. Arthur was already there, setting up the board with meticulous care. He looked up as I approached, his smile warm and welcoming.

"You found it," he said, standing to greet me. He pulled out a chair, and as I sat down, I noticed the way his hand lingered on the back of mine for a brief moment. It sent a shiver down my spine, and I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same connection I did.

We began our game, the pieces moving with a rhythm that felt almost like a dance. Arthur's eyes never left the board, his focus unwavering as he considered each move. I watched his expressions shift, the intensity in his gaze as he tried to outthink me. His hands, strong and sure, caressed the pieces with a gentle touch that was surprisingly tender.

As the game progressed, the tension grew. We both knew we were evenly matched, and every move was a delicate balance of aggression and defense. The café around us faded away, and it was just us and the chessboard. Our conversation grew more personal as we shared stories from our childhoods, our families, and the moments that had shaped us into the people we were today.

When Arthur finally claimed victory, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. But as he leaned back in his chair and offered his hand for a congratulatory shake, the look in his eyes told me that the real prize was the connection we had formed over the last few hours.

"Rematch?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

I smiled, placing my hand in his. "Always."

*****

The crowd in the café applauded our game, and as we packed up the chessboard, I felt a new chapter in my life unfolding. Arthur and I had found common ground in the most unexpected of places, and I knew that this was just the beginning of a beautiful friendship—or perhaps something more.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of chess games and shared moments. We discovered more about each other with every pawn that was sacrificed and every king that was checkmated. Our friendship grew stronger, and our bond deepened as we learned to read each other's moves both on and off the board.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the London skyline, casting a warm glow through the café windows, Arthur reached across the table and took my hand. His eyes searched mine, and I knew what was coming.

"Y/n," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "I can't believe I've found someone who understands me like you do."

My heart raced as I looked into his eyes, feeling the same vulnerability he did. "I know," I whispered. "It's like we're two lost souls who found each other in the most unlikely of places."

He leaned in, and our lips met in a soft, lingering kiss that seemed to hold all the promise of the future. The chessboard was forgotten as we realized that sometimes, the most beautiful connections are found in the most unexpected places. Our love for sharks and chess had brought us together, but it was our shared passion for life and the quiet moments between the moves that would keep us together.

As we pulled apart, Arthur took a deep breath and smiled. "Ready for the next game?"

I grinned back at him, feeling more alive than I had in years. "Always."

*****

@gvf23

@xxkatxgracexx

[maximumkillshot]

I Can't Lose You-Part 11

Warnings: Triggering memories of the miscarriage, Some is grabbing, shoving, graphic violent thoughts, Cursing, Bin Loses It, threats, Bin hurts himself unintentionally oh yeah and Han loses it too

Pairing: BangChan x Reader?

Characters: Bin, Soo 😒, Han, Stray Kids, Chan is mentioned quite a bit.

A/N: Happy Birthday @galamxy and I am so sorry to everyone in advanced. This one is gonna hurt, but... BUT I am letting you know ahead of time

I Can't Lose You Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

Previously: “He won’t… too much respect… I however,” I stated very matter-of-factly, “Have a very hard line, Soo. I don’t touch women in any violent way ever… But if anyone messes with my family and with whe people I love? All of a sudden gender is irrelevant… So the next time you speak, I recommend you speak with that in mind.” I saw the blood drain from her face, I felt a new level of base in my voice. The anger is starting to reach a level I can’t control.   Minho added on with “Usually I’d have too much respect. That was before what you said about Y/N.  About her losing the baby being a good thing. That it’d make the divorce less messy…” My eyes went wide as my heart dropped on the floor, shattered. When did this happen? How did this happen? I looked away from Soo for the first time, “I don’t think I heard you correctly… She said WHAT?” 

Now:

I can’t believe that this came out of her mouth. Given I never would’ve expected this type of behavior from her either but here we are. I looked at Minho’s face and I could tell he wasn’t lying. I looked at Hannie who was sitting on my opposite side and his face said the same. 

If I wasn’t sitting I would have probably collapsed. I went from a relaxed position to leaning forward, cracking my neck as I tried to contain my rage. I wiped my hands down my face, Changbin, calm down, I told myself. I went back to what Seungmin told me, “You promised her you were coming back.”  

I heard Hannie say… “Wait.”

When I looked at him, his mouth was open in utter disbelief, “You knew…” he said to Soo… When I looked back at Soo all I saw was a smile creeping onto her face, “You knew they were trying to conceive?! When Chan told you, there was no gasp of shock, no condolences… even now…  You’re smiling because you knew…”

Soo smiled saying, “How do you think Chris and I started talking in the first place? It was clear she was broken, now the outside matches the inside. Maybe this will be a warning for you.” She looked at me, “She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?” How dare she. I looked at Han as he stared daggers at her. Hannie is not known for becoming angry, but he looks enraged at what Soo just said. I looked back to Soo.

I looked into her eyes as I wondered what she meant by that. ‘She’s damaged goods, don’t you want to know what it’s like to be a dad?’ I’ve never been good at hiding my fondness for Angel, that’s for sure, but I don’t know where she’s getting at. Angel has only had eyes for Chan, her person… hurt my person.

 I don’t know why she would throw something like her fertility at me like it’s some deal breaker. It isn’t. I could live in a shack with nothing except Y/N and I would be the richest man on the planet. Children would be nice, but if it meant giving her up, I don’t need kids, I need her. This is all hypothetical of course.

I was sure she could feel the tension shift as I could feel my face contort from the rage, “So not only are you so fucking desperate that you’ll cheat with your best friend’s husband. Not only will you cheat knowing they were trying to conceive, but when they finally do conceive, after TWO YEARS you say that it was a good thing that child died because it would make the divorce less messy?!” I've never felt this level of rage. It was almost accusatory the way she threw Y/N’s fertility. Like because she didn’t get pregnant, that’s why they cheated. 

I am feeling so many levels of disdain, hurt, and disbelief. How could anyone say that about anyone else? It is unfathomable to me how someone could hurt someone else like this. How someone could think that let alone voice it. That takes it to a different level of disgust for me. 

Han sighed as he said, “And you sit there, almost blaming Y/N for your sins? For Chris’ sins? You don’t know anything about what she’s been through. Constantly waiting for Chris, him making her feel like an afterthought,” Han added on, “telling her he has no time for her, that he has more important things to do. One of us,” He pointed to himself and me, “One of us slept in the same bed as her every night because she’d cry to sleep on her own. You know what? We’d do it again. All of it. Because she is worth that and more.” I could feel Han vibrating with emotion. I can tell I’m not the only one that is feeling this. 

I tacked on, “Meanwhile he’s cheating with you,” I scoffed, “Talk about trading in a diamond for a piece of glass. You are the lowest of the low. She isn’t broken. You two are!” I took a breath, “I don’t know what to do with what you’ve done. I’m hurt and angry, and I’m not even the one who was cheated on!” I barked at her.  

The images of me doing things I didn’t want to do started flashing in my head. She isn’t a woman anymore, hell, she isn’t even a person. I could see myself grabbing it by the throat, picking it up, throwing it across the room, and punching, and screaming while I did it. Using its face as a punching bag. I can’t… As much as I want to, I can't.  A sinister, yet just voice playing right next to Seungmin's in my mind, It’s right there in front of you. You’re in pain, agony even… Take it out on one of the people that caused it. No one would blame you. Meanwhile, Seungmin’s voice is still playing, “Don’t make her lose you too.” 

I almost lunged out of my chair before I caught myself. Instead of getting up and doing what I wanted, I screamed, “HOW?! How did she find any humanity in you!? A child died, an innocent child who did nothing wrong…died. Gone, will never have the chance to breathe. Somehow, you view it as a good thing?! THEN YOU COME HERE!!” I could feel every cell in my body burning, trying to just reach across and… “ YOU COME HERE, TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE HER FRIEND?!”

I looked at her as I grabbed her shirt, I got up dragging her to her feet along with me, “You want to know what I’m thinking right now?” I smiled at her. This felt good. Seeing her realize just how much danger she is in. She thought I wouldn’t move. Like I said before, I don’t discriminate when it comes to protecting my own.

I could see the tears start to form in her eyes as I vaguely heard Han, “Hyung? Bin!”

“I am thinking about how easy it would be to turn your face into a fucking suggestion, make the outside match the inside. Disgusting, putrid, worthless, bloody… Han and Minho are strong, but not strong enough or fast enough to stop me from crushing your windpipe with one hand.” I grabbed the back of her neck, squeezing enough to make it known. 

She yelped as I continued, “It wouldn’t be hard for me. I lift twice your weight for fun.” I laughed, “No one’s here to save you. Especially not your shitty boyfriend… He’s nursing a broken nose at home…”

I felt her body tense, “I don’t want to stop at a broken nose for you…” I chuckled. “I want to send a message so badly. I want to put you in the ICU,” I seethed just inches from her face.“I was happy you stood away but now you DARE walk into here. Demanding to see her, after you say something so vile, so…”  

I could feel Han trying to loosen my grip, I was barely registering anything except her deer-in-the-headlights stare, “Now that you tried to come here when I wasn’t here, trying to capitalize,” I saw that same smirk playing at her lip. “I was going to let you go if I ever saw you again… Now..” I could feel my chest heaving as I said, “Now I want to make it clear to YOU and CHRIS… you come near her… I’ll kill you… I meant it when I said it to him, looks like he needs a reminder. You’ll have to pay for both sins.” She started yelping as I screamed, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH. You have no RIGHT, no SHAME…” I don’t recognize my voice, it’s so heavy, leering… They turned you into this. Show them. 

I heard Minho, “Changbin-ah I know…I want to hurt her too, I want it so badly but we can’t… We aren’t them, Bin.” I shrugged him off as I dragged her to the nearest wall and shoved her against it.

I threw my fist at the wall right next to her head. I felt it vibrate with the hit, “You have no idea what I want to do to you right now. It is taking everything in me not to destroy you.”  She was whimpering as she cried, trying to look away from me. “The pain that I want to put you through is nothing compared to what Y/N is going through. Look at you, a coward that can’t even look me in the eye. She is more than you could ever be.” 

I could feel myself wanting to pick my fist back up and land it on her face so badly. I have never wanted to hurt anyone, until now. The disrespect, the pain, and the absolute lack of empathy make me want to tear her apart. I have been holding in so much pain and agony for so long that I feel like I’m going crazy. I need someone to take it out on. Who better than one of the people who stabbed Y/N in the back? Who else is more deserving than one of the people who killed her child? This makes sense, call it karmic justice. Even breathing just thinking about it feels better. 

I can vaguely hear Hannie… Not like I really can hear much of anything aside from Soo’s pathetic whimpers. For someone so brazen to be this cowering mess, all for seeing me like this. I felt my features soften at that as I smirked at her, even chuckling slightly at the fact that for some reason she decided coming down here was a good idea. If anything this is Darwinism at work, right? A part of me thinks so, at the very least.

If I were to fully embrace this… the impending feeling I knew would cause goosebumps at the relief. Seungmin’s in my head again, “Y/N deserves everything we got.” This mental tug of war makes me feel like I am being torn in half, I just want to cause pain. I want Soo to hurt. I made my decision, Get your relief… It’s not a person…

As I went to shift my weight, I heard “Binnie?”.... Y/N?

I could hear her coming from a phone. That once melodic voice quaking. She was reaching for me. Begging me by only saying my name. My whole body froze, and my vision stopped narrowing, hearing her. “Binnie? Hannie, where's Binnie?” I heard her say again. She sounds so scared. I could tell she had been crying, she needed me. I can’t do this to her. 

I saw Han come into my peripheral, his phone in his hand.

“He’s right here Anya... Binnie’s right here.” Hannie’s voice is so stiff, he’s never afraid of me. I hate it when people are afraid of me. When my eyes flicked to Han I could see the fear. He put his hand on my arm that I was holding Soo’s shirt with. That touch helped me ground myself and see things from a different perspective.

“Why is Binnie not talking Hannie? Did I do something wrong?” I heard her, loud and clear as I tried to gain control of my body again. I wanted to scream,

“No, it’s not your fault, Angel. No, I am just… I’m hurting, Love. I’m hurting so fucking bad and I don’t know where to place it. I only ever went to Channie Hyung when I was in pain. I don’t know what to do knowing he was the one that caused it, Angel. He hurt you, I trusted him to take care of you, you’re my heart… When you cry, I cry; when you hurt, I hurt. You could never do something to warrant me not talking to you. You have never done anything wrong, I love you so much,” My mouth isn’t working as the memories flash. My chest wants to cave in.

“No nothing’s wrong, Anya. Binnie is just listening to your voice, is that okay?” Han asked so gently. How is he so gentle right now? The woman in front of me is one-half of the reason Y/N is here. She’s in my hands right now. The screams replay in my head as I look at Soo, If she knew she never would’ve come here, I’m lying to myself now as my grip tightens on her. 

“Yeah, is Binnie coming back? He promised he would,” I heard her ask. Of course, I’m coming back. She’s my home, how could I leave her? Especially like this. Soo isn’t worth it, and neither is Chan, but I want them to pay. I felt my hand throb against the wall. Feeling the texture as it stands against my fist take some of the haze away. Pleading to Y/N in my head, “I want them to pay, pleeease let me make them pay. Let me make sure they’ll stay away, Angel. I need to protect you, you’re the only part of me that matters.” “Hannie I want my Binnie I’m scared,” I heard her so clearly, I could even hear the sniffles that she would allow to escape every once in a while. I could feel myself at war with what I wanted and what was right. I want to kill Soo, but killing is wrong. So I was stuck there with the love of my life practically begging me to choose her over what I wanted to do. I was trying so hard to open my mouth and try to sound strong but I was three seconds from collapsing. I’m scared too, Angel. I’m terrified. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it. I’m not me without you. 

“M’here Angel. I’ll..” my voice betrayed me. I cleared my throat, “I’ll be there in a minute. I’ll see you soon,” I felt tears brimming in my eyes as I looked at Soo. I could see the shock on her face, that has to be enough for me. 

At the end of it all, hurting Soo would do nothing. It won't get Y/N anywhere. The pain, the suffering, it's all still going to be there, only she'll have to face it all without me. I can't do that to her. It's not fair, what happened to her. I have to let Soo go, to protect my Angel. That is more than doable. 

Hannie hung up the phone and I looked at Soo as I said, “You aren’t worth any ounce of effort anyone puts towards you. You are a nerveless little leech that sucked the life and kindness out of someone I love very much. You tell Chris what you saw here today. You tell him every detail… Especially this… If you or Chris ever try to come near her uninvited… I will not be this kind again… Do you understand me?”

She nodded violently as I released my grasp on her shirt, instead shoving her by her shoulder to Han, almost knocking both of them down in the process as I said, “Han, get her out of here before I change my mind.” I faced the wall as I tried to breathe. I have never wanted to kill someone more than just now. I’m scared, relieved, and also guilty. 

Just the fact that I was so close to possibly losing Y/N again while I was gone, shot through me like lightning in that car. Now I’m here and the threat’s gone. The original one is. That was relieving, but now I am so guilty.

If Y/N saw me like this, she would’ve been disappointed. Is that the kind of man I am? 

As soon as I register the door closing my knees hit the concrete and I’m blinded by my tears. Who am I? Soo was so scared… and I liked it? I wanted more of it. I wanted her to feel the fear Y/N felt. The pain she feels. Y/N would never want that for anyone. I almost caused her more pain. For what? To satiate my own need? 

“What kind of man am I?” I asked no one in particular as I felt the rage ebbing into whispers, staring at my hands, one already developing bruises from how hard I punched the wall, the other aching from how tight my grip was on Soo’s shirt. An image flashed of when Y/N went limp in my arms, her screams louder than the last time. My shoulders shook with the sobs that left me then. 

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder as I heard Minho speaking softly, “You are the type of man that would do anything for the woman he loves. You’re the type that takes her pain as your own.”

I turned to Minho and said, “Hyung, I don’t know what to do. I can’t take it away.” my tears started running down my face. All I heard was Minho saying, ‘I got you’ and I let go collapsing on him. 

Minho said right into my ear, “You are a loving, caring person, Changbin. You trusted a person with your own heart and they destroyed it. It’s natural to want blood, Bin. You just proved to yourself that love is more important than revenge. You, Seo Changbin, are the type of man that is rarest of all.” I continued to cry as I held onto Minho, “You are unapologetically you. You live with your heart on your sleeve and you give without asking for anything.” “I can hear it all… Every time I hear her screams, I feel her go limp in my arms, I see the blood,” I gulped in the air, “I wa-want to make it better, Hyung. Why can’t I take it from her?” I asked.

I felt Minho quivering as he sniffled himself, “No one can, I’m sorry Changbin-ah.” I knew that answer. Logically I knew it. “But what you can do..” I looked at him, “You can show her, that loving a person is unconditional. It is as simple as breathing. You show her, that no matter what she can or can’t give you, you’ll be there. Not because you have to, but because you want to.”

I nodded as I tried to stop the tears with Minho saying periodically, “Take your time… Breathe, you’re okay. You’re good.” I was mumbling to myself how I couldn’t believe I thought what I thought and he responded with, “Don’t go there. I’m proud of you for stopping and thinking. That’s what matters.”I wasn’t sure how much time had passed as I heard Minho say, “Let me see your hand.”

I showed it to him. I could see the black and blue forming on my knuckles. When he asked me to make a fist, it was a little painful but not that bad. He smiled as he said “Good news, nothing looks broken… the bad news is there is no way you’re going to be able to hide it from Y/N. So what’s the plan Changbin, any ideas?” His eyebrows went up in question. 

“I’m not going to lie to her, Minho. I can’t.” I said plainly. She is already so fragile and lying wouldn’t help that. I also can’t tell her that I lost it and almost hurt Soo. Given, I was mad, but still. I don’t know. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he smirked, “You know sometimes you’re a little too chilverous.” I just grinned as he continued, “Alright I guess I’ll have to explain it… As far as I’m concerned you slammed your hand in the car door when you were trying to get back here. Sound good?” I nod. 

I heard Minho’s phone go off and I saw Lix’s face on the screen, “one guess” he giggles. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

“MinMin where’s my Binnie?” I heard Y/N loud and clear through the phone. She sounds a little better, I could hear the tease in it. “We were just wrapping up here Beautiful, everything okay?” He asked, smiling at me. 

“Yeah, just Inn-ah trying to eat the last brownie I’m saving for Binnie.” She giggled. My heart swelled. She was saving it for me? I haven’t had one of those in… almost a year now that I think about it.

I heard Inn-ah in the background, “Just a nibble, Y/N?” 

She giggled as she said, “Binnie hasn’t had one in a while Innie, and you live with the guy that makes them.” She laughed. She’s thinking about me? After all of this. She’s focused on me?? I think Minho could see the confusion as he looked at me.

I giggled as I said, “What about the bag of snacks we brought for the boys Seungmin?” I heard Seungmin’s voice loud and clear, “They picked it clean, vultures… I’m surprised the bag’s still there.” I heard Y/N laugh slightly louder. It melted me to my core as I laughed.

I heard Hyunjin say, “Says the one who had a whole pan of brownie to himself. I don’t mind eating clean but had I known I would’ve fought you for that pan, Seungmin.” I could see Hyunjin’s face in my head glaring at Seungmin. 

I laughed as I said, “OK Angel we are on our way. Sorry, it took so long.” I smirked at the phone, I couldn’t wait to see her. I always get this swell in my heart that spreads to all of me when I see her. 

“It’s okay. As long as you’re coming back that’s all I care about.” She giggled. Minho hung up and said, “What happened in this room, stays in this room.” I think he could tell that I was embarrassed about my breakdown. I’m used to being the person that people go to for support. I am rarely the one to need the support. This was Minho’s way of saying my breakdown stays with him. I patted him on the back, silently thanking him. 

When we walked out into the hallway I could see Hannie waiting by the door. Minho motioned for Hannie to come towards us. When he met us Minho whispered, “Follow my lead.” With that we walked back to the room together, Minho leading. When Minho went in he explained the hand injury away, “First thing’s first Beautiful. You’ll notice that Binnie’s hand is bruised, it was an accident, he’s fine and it’s not broken, okay?” He looked relieved as he motioned for me to come in.

When I came in I was met with a gentle smile from her. At that moment I realized something. Soo never told me why she was here. I know why she’s here. Chan was banking on me losing it, seeing her. He was banking on me getting myself arrested or at the very least kicked out so that I would be ripped away from Angel’s side. I smiled wider knowing that not only did I keep my cool, but this experience that he caused just made me want to stick closer to her. 

Every time it feels like the first time I see her. Always takes my breath away. Even in a hospital gown, chocolate remnants on her face. I smiled at her, “Hi, Angel, sorry it took a bit. You have something for me?” I asked as I went to sit in a chair. 

She looked at me with furrowed brows, “I want my Binnie cuddles,” She said as she reached out for me. How could I deny that? I saw Seungmin get up and walk to a chair, sitting down. 

I smiled at her as I nestled up to her in the hospital bed. She smiled as she handed me the last piece of brownie, “It’s the corner piece, your favorite.” 

She looked up at me and wiped a tear from my face, when did I start crying again? “Why are you crying, Binnie?” 

I answered honestly, “I’m so happy to see you giggling and seeing you save this for me. I’m just lucky to know you, let alone be a part of your life.” I dried a tear from her too as I smiled. 

She buried her face into my side as she giggled. That made everyone in the room break out in smiles. The rest of the night was passed in smiles and laughs until eventually, Y/N started yawning. I looked at her trying to fight the sleep until I guided her head to my chest again. She was sleeping before I could even notice. One by one, everyone was asleep except for me. Seeing everyone asleep. I permitted myself to pass out for the night too, and before I knew it, I was out like a light myself. 

_______________________________________________________

WANT MORE? Tell me So! Want in on the tags? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

[quietmonologues]

So. I hate shipping discourse and I try to keep it off my blog nowadays. I also don't consider myself a part of the fandom. But, I find discussions about this series particularly engaging and interesting, and Elucien do have me in a bit of a chokehold these days so I feel the need to get this off my chest and put this out into the world.

A common question I see is "why do people ship Elucien? They don't even like each other". And to that, I say this:

What about it? This is why shipping discourse in this fandom (and in general) is so ridiculous, because why is there confusion as to why people ship Elain and Lucien together? SJM literally wrote them as a potential pairing, that's why she made them mates. Pairing = shipping. It's not rocket science.

Two characters not liking each other is never gonna be a deterrent for them becoming canon or for people liking them as a ship. That's why enemies to lovers is such a popular trope. However way you define enemies (on opposite sides of a war like Zuko and Katara, or thinking ill of one another based on misunderstandings and assumptions like Darcy and Elizabeth), when it's done well, the story of two characters changing their opinion about each other, getting to know each other on a deeper level, and growing to love each other after their initial discomfort/hatred/loathing/indifference is a compelling story. It's about the journey, the development, and overcoming all the hurdles and bumps that are in their way.

Another reason for why the "they dislike each other" argument is so weak is because you literally have two other canon couples in this same series who had very rough starts. No matter how you feel about these two pairings, it's blatantly clear that Rhys and Cassian did put Feyre and Nesta in uncomfortable situations and have hurt them (physically/emotionally). But clearly, that was not a deterrent for them getting together in the end. So why the heck are Lucien and Elain different? Why is "Elain is so uncomfortable around Lucien" a continuous argument? It's so hypocritical given the fact that Lucien is the only guy that isn't forcing himself upon his mate.

Also, I'm sorry but some people (me...I'm some people) are tired of the "dark, battle-born, winged-warrior brother" and "previously human, traumatized archeron sister" pairing. Elain and Lucien are both associated with nature, they're both social and like interacting with people, they both experienced a deep love previously, they both abhor violence, they are both overlooked by others yet have the ability to see what others can't. They are a compatible pairing to me because they share many characteristics that are harmonious and complementary. They are the anti-thesis of Night Court aesthetics and thought, and if they ever have a book together then I can only hope it's the best one in the series.

And yes, the "Elain needs sunshine" and "Lucien is the heir to the Day Court" connection is important, my goodness. That's what symbolism is!

Sometimes it's that simple.

Okay, that's enough shipping discourse from me.

[lennadanvers]

Wish granted

Eddie Munson x Reader

Both Eddie and the Reader are close to their 30's here.

A/N: I miss writing for Eddie so bad. I miss someone real, too. I don't want to spoil anything, but there's angst here. It's based in real events- I'm definitely projecting a little bit. Stay alert, you may have spent your wishes without realizing you did.

You look magical in white.

Eddie spent an ungodly number of nights picturing you in a white dress, and still he wasn’t prepared to see you like this. He suspects the dress isn’t what’s making his voice falter. Any wedding dress would look just as pretty on you. Especially if your eyes shine like that when you look at him.

Someone hands Eddie the microphone and he has to force his knees to stop shaking so he can stand. Your reassuring smile makes it a little easier. He makes an effort not to look around, to all the faces staring at him, and focuses on you. Eddie clears his throat, wincing when the micro amplifies the sound, and starts talking.

“Hello, everyone.”

He makes a pause. There’s no need to introduce himself, everyone here knows who he is. He feels silly, and wonders for a second how long it would take him to get to the door. But, again, you’re looking at him. So he straightens his back and stars talking again.

“As most of you know, I met my best friend when we were nine years old.”

He flashes you a smile, and then whispers loudly into the microphone.

“There’s one thing no-one knows, though- I kept this secret for twenty years. I was saving it for today. I didn’t even tell you!”

Eddie winks at you, trying to appease your curious expression. He’s glad he convinced you to let his speech be a surprise.

“Ready?”

The dramatic pause gives him confidence. This is just like one of his D&D campaigns. More or less.

“I remember the first time I saw you.”

He’s staring right at your bouquet now. It matches the flower in his lapel.

“It was the first day of school. Fourth grade. Early in the morning, t’was a little chilly. I was standing in the hallway. The bell rang, and I turned around. I don’t know why. I was headed the other way. But I turned around, and I saw her… You know how in the movies time slows down, and everyone but the protagonist becomes a blur?”

Eddie chuckles and nods.

“It was just like that. She looked like life revolved around her.”

His tone shifts to a lighter one.

“I have an active imagination, as you may know...”

The laughs all around the room make his shoulders relax a little.

“And she was gone in a second- seriously, like in the movies, the sea of people swallowed her and I was left wondering if I had imagined her.”

He smirks at you.

“Like I said, I have an active imagination.

Sometimes, I convince myself magic is real. That was one of those days. I made a wish- I wished the girl with bright eyes and wild hair I saw for a second was real.”

You’re blushing a little under that makeup, aren’t you? He thinks you are.

“I didn’t see her again that day… But I did spot her in class the next day.”

Eddie can’t help but beam at you. Your nine-year-old self was adorable, all round cheeks and nervous smiles.

“After that, it’s become easier to believe in magic. That’s why, when I saw her cry over a boy for the first time, I asked for a second wish.”

He dares a quick look around, and finds that every person in the room- including a waiter- is looking at him.

“She’s always been so brave. That’s one of the things I admire the most of you, you know? How you keep your heart open for everyone to see. How you tried over and over again to find love, even if you got hurt, even if it didn’t work.”

Your eyes look a little wet now. He pushes forward, trying to remember where he was going with this.

“I wished you’d find the person that would finally be able to love you the way you deserve.”

It’s getting hard to talk with the knot in his throat.

“Once again, I proved magic is real.”

Eddie has to wipe a very embarrassing tear out of his cheek.

“Everybody knows wishes come in groups of three. So, tonight, here, I’m making my last wish. I wish you the happiest of lives. I wish you a long, beautiful marriage. I wish you the life you’ve always wanted, full of the love you deserve.”

He can’t see much through the tears in his eyes- that will hopefully stay there for another two minutes- but he thinks you’re crying too. He raises his glass, hand full of silver rigs shaking, desperate to end this hell.

“To my best friend, the beautiful bride, and her newly acquired husband! To the first day of a very long, very happy marriage!”

You raise your glass with your left hand- the gold band mocking him- because the right is holding your now-husband’s hand. He smiles at Eddie, raising his glass and mouthing “Thank you, man”.

Eddie feels sick. He hands the microphone to one of your bridesmaids, who pats him on the back, and steps away from the table.

It’s hard to breathe. He’s staring at you, at your wide smile as you hug your mom. The DJ started playing a romantic pop song, and people are standing up. He knows he should stay for the first dance. But he’s looking at you, and you’re not looking at him. You’re drying happy tears with your husband’s handkerchief- who carries a fucking handkerchief anymore? – and beaming up at him.

Eddie keeps staring at you until the sea of wedding guests swallow your white dress, your ruined makeup and your bright, happy future.

He steps outside of the venue, full on sobbing now. His van awaits in the parking lot, ready for him to escape again. Out of the two of you, he always knew he was the coward one. Since the moment you declared your love for him- at barely nine years old you were brave enough to bring him chocolates and honesty. Eddie remembers your little hand, your heart open. He remembers his dirty nails, his feelings guarded behind years of abandonment and cruel jokes. Your sad eyes when he didn’t reply. His heavy chest when he kept being your friend, every day up until today.

Too busy wiping tears, Eddie misses a shooting star disappearing in the horizon. When he looks up, the sky is empty- just like his chest, his house, and his future- and he realizes he lied.

Eddie Munson does not believe in magic anymore.

[beauty-and-passion]

TBOB PART 2: OF FLATLAND, EXWHYLIA AND EUCLYDIA (2/4)

To the poor souls who found this post by accident: hello, now you’re trapped in my neverending analysis of Bill Cipher and TBOB. Hope you find a nice place to seat, because we’re talking about Euclydia here and there is a whole post before this one, with all the references you need HERE.

Yes, you need to read that one first, especially if you want to understand what I’m talking about when I mention Flatland or Exwhylia.

<- Previous post - Masterlist

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PART 3: OF EUCLYDIA

“I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours.”- Bill Cipher, Weirdmageddon part 3

_____________________

A flat world based on regularity

Let’s start with the Euclidean anthem/song/whatever (I’ll call it anthem for short) from thisisnotawebsitedotcom:

TWO DIMENSIONS TWO AND FRO YOU ALWAYS (K)NOW WHICH WAY TO GO IF YOURE LOST DONT BE AFRAID IN EUCLYDIA YOU’VE GOT IT MADE RUN TOO FAR TOO RIGHT OF FRAME YOU’LL APPEAR ON LEFT AGAIN JUMP TOO HIGH DON’T CRY OR FRET YOU’LL POP UP FROM THE GROUND I BET IN THIS SPACE THERE IS NO FEAR LOVED ONES WILL BE EVER NEAR ROLES AND RULES ALWAYS CLEAR EUCLYDIA WE HOLD YOU DEAR

Euclydia is an enclosed space, with no above or below. And even if you go too far on the left, you will reappear on the right. A bit like a rolled tube, you know? So the place is flat, but also rounded the only way something 2D can: by being a tube.

And yes, the anthem makes it very clear that there is no above or below, because if you jump you will just pop up from the ground.

Now, I know Flatland is the quintessential of an oppressive world, but my god if this world doesn’t sound like a goddamn cage. You cannot run away, because you will still reappear on the other side. You cannot go higher, because you will just reappear in the same spot. I believe Bill when he said to Ford: “You think those chains are tight? Imagine living in the second dimension”. I felt chained just by reading those lines!

_____________________

A world based on regularity

Let’s analyze more of this anthem:

-> “Loved ones are always near” implies that this dimension values family. But consider that Flatland values family too:

It is a Law of Nature with us that a male child shall have one more side than his father, so that each generation shall rise (as a rule) one step in the scale of development and nobility (...) But this rule applies not always to the Tradesmen (aka Equilaterals), and still less often to the Soldiers (aka Isosceles) (...)

Family is the foundation of the Flatland society. Is it the same for Euclydia? I suppose so. Even if the emphasis on how your loved ones are “always” near, also emphasizes the “cage-y” feeling I had before. But maybe it’s just me.

-> “Roles and rules always clear”: ah yes, this really sounds like Flatland. A place where everyone has a role already established at birth and should follow the same rules.

How can I be so sure? Bill himself said it:

Where I come from, everyone just followed whatever meaning was handed down to them (...) I learned from an early age that if I was going to make anything of myself, I was going to need to figure out my own meaning. (TBOB, “Meaning of life” pages)

Just like in Flatland, everyone already has a role. Bill probably had a role too already planned for him. And if this world follows the same social order as Flatland, that means Bill, by being a member of the Equilateral class, was supposed to be a Tradesman.

Honestly? I’ve always loved that. The idea that, even if Bill talks so much about making his own meaning and tries so hard to escape from his world’s mentality, something of that mentality latched onto him. And what he learned about becoming a Tradesman was never forgotten. On the contrary: it became part of who he is now. One of the few things of his dimension he still carries within.

In a way, I think it’s even more meaningful than just carrying physical elements from his dimension. Sure, that’s beautiful and heartbreaking and it makes me go wild… but the fact he kept something from that mentality too, of his own, native, forever lost culture… it’s even more impactful, isn’t it? It emphasizes even more how Bill is the lone survivor of Euclydia.

_____________________

Social classes for regular shapes

We don’t have any information regarding the social structure of Euclydia, except what Bill said. And Bill was adamant about:

how oppressive his world was (“everyone followed whatever meaning was handed down to them”)

how dull his world was (“Flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams”)

how regular he is

And the last point in particular is something he even mentioned among his powers in TBOB: 

My three internal angles always add up to 180 degrees. Quit staring at my hypotenuse, you freak!

So Bill is a regular Equilateral triangle and he specifies it all the time. Also, when everyone tries to measure his hypotenuse, he gets offended, as if they’re insulting his regularity.

Sooo… well, I’m not saying that this is a proof, but it also hints that regularity was considered important in his dimension. Questioning someone’s hypotenuse sounds a bit like asking a guy to check if he has a dick or a woman for her breast size or a person in general for how tall they are.

And I know it sounds stupid for us, but let’s not forget what else Bill said about his world in the AMA on Reddit years ago:

MY DIMENSION HAS 14 BILLION DIFFERENT GENDERS. ITS VERY CONFUSING.

So in a world with all these genders, I suppose that even asking something like “how long is your side” is a bit like questioning their own gender identity - and maybe, also questioning their role in the world, their social class and who knows what else.

Also: we can be sure that there were schools. Now, we don’t know if the schools were open to everyone or divided by shapes, because Bill just talks about “kids in grade school” so… were they all Triangles? Or were they of all shapes? And what did they learn? General knowledge? Knowledge related to their job/role in society?

_____________________

About Irregulars

I am pretty sure there was some degree of ostracization towards Irregulars. And I have two reasons for that.

First: this passage from Bill about his past

“I wasn’t just smarter than all the dull trapezoids and rhombuses sucking up my rightful oxygen”

The grin I had, while reading this. The HUGE grin.

Maybe it’s just a huge coincidence. Maybe it’s a coincidence that Bill mentioned trapezoids and rhombuses (aka irregulars) as the shapes that suck up his oxygen. And maybe it’s a coincidence that it’s not just his oxygen, but his rightful oxygen, as if he has more rights on it compared to them.

But if you read Flatland (or the previous post), you can see the parallel being (subtly) slapped in your face.

And this makes me love EVERYTHING even more! Because Bill, for the first time, is acting exactly like a Regular shape would act, while talking about Irregulars in a world dominated by Regularity. It’s the kind of mentality only a closed, oppressive world can leave on someone.

And again, I like it, because it would be another detail of Bill’s native culture that stuck with him. Another small part of that lost world he still carries within - no matter how silly it sounds to us.

Second: a code in the fake book covers page, that is translated as IRREGULAR.

As we know from the Flatland section, Flatlanders saw Irregulars as criminals with a skewed morality. And guess who is also a criminal with a skewed morality.

I find it extremely interesting how, even if Bill talked about the Irregulars from higher ground, he still ended up acting like them (according to Flatland’s society at least). He became a Tradesman and a criminal. He adopted the mentality of his world and a skewed one too.

In other words: Bill is a Regular… but he’s also an Irregular. And it’s not just me saying it, the book itself said it, by calling him Irregular!

But maybe, he’s not just Irregular because of his behavior… maybe he’s Irregular because of his rare mutation too.

Keep that in mind, we will talk about that in the Sight section.

_____________________

About colors

Euclydia has colors and we can be sure of that because:

Bill was already yellow at birth

There were other colors (like the ones in his shoes)

Euclydia’s codes are mostly in color

In art therapy, Bill draws “red and blue triangles”

So yes, Euclydia might be a bit like a cage, but at least it’s a colorful one.

Also, since Bill draws red and blue triangles, I love how the fandom almost collectively decided that the red one is Bill’s father and the blue one is Bill’s mother. It’s probably an unconscious association that led us to associate red -> anger -> lack of info about Bill’s father -> Bill’s father being a bad figure -> anger = bad -> Bill’s father is red. Understandable - and maybe even based on something true? Who knows?

But we will talk about Bill’s parents later (read: next post).

_____________________

About Recognition by Sight

Since Euclydia is a flat world dominated by color, I suppose that they didn’t use Recognition by Sight like Flatland and Exwhylia, but Recognition by Color.

And not only this would make the Euclidian world a bit more advanced compared to the previous two, but may also lead to the development of some form of writing.

Sure, the 2D vision is still a line, but making something with more lines of different colors and putting them together can be considered a rudimental form of writing. Just like we humans used hieroglyphics and images, the Euclideans might’ve used different colored lines to make a language - thus the codes we see associated with it.

But back to how they see: the way Euclidians can see is probably the same Flatlanders and Exwhylians can see. That means they cannot perceive full shapes like us, but lines - and identify these lines in different ways. In Flatland and Exwhylia by checking how quickly the edges were fading, in Euclydia by checking the color.

That also means all Euclidians have their eye on the side. In order to see in a 2D world, you need an eye on a 2D level. Therefore, an eye on the side.

That means Bill’s rare mutation was a mutation indeed, because instead of having an eye on the side like his parents and all others, he has an eye on the face of his triangular shape. Which, for us, would be like having an eye on the inside of your own body.

Now imagine: you are a 2D shape, you have a son, you check his perimeter (because it’s literally the only thing you can see)... and you find no eye. Not even an eye socket.

And yet, your son says he can see. He has an eye! But where is it?

I can definitely imagine the confusion of Bill’s parents. I can definitely imagine them running to the doctor and asking to identify where the eye is. And the doctor confirms there is an eye indeed…! But it’s inside him.

Now, for Bill that means having a vision no other shape can have. He’s able to see above, a direction impossible to understand by others. He can see a whole new world - and he can only see his own with the lateral view.

His parents were probably devastated by this, but Bill found in his oddity a reason to be more prideful. To deem himself smarter and better than others.

Mmmmh, this reminds me of someone…

“I was born strange, I am attracted to the strange and the strange has always been attracted to me.” (Journal 3)

Jeez, I wonder who else deemed himself as strange because of a “birth defect” and so clever and definitely destined to do big things and to become a hero. I bet it’s not another “freak” who is different but special.

But there is still time before talking about Billford.

_______________________________

Aaaaand that’s all for now! This post is just about Euclydia as the whole place, in the next post we will be more specific and go deeper, by starting with the most intriguing topic: Bill’s family.

Next post ->

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[kurishiri]

03 . . . happy birthday, alfons! ˗ˏˋ🪞´ˎ˗

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or may contain creative liberties for characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost or claim these as your own!

— cw: a bit suggestive, more soft alfons hours.

Alfons: A birthday that will remain in my memory... you said?

A: ...If that’s the case, I would be remiss if I felt that the day has been going swimmingly as you hoped.

Kate: Eh...?

Alfons: This birthday has been so full of ridiculous coincidences, I couldn’t forget it, even if I really wanted to.

Kate: That… doesn’t seem to hold much positive meaning.

Alfons: Oh, I fully assure you I mean it in the best way possible though?

(And once again, it seems like he’s the one being considerate toward me…)

Alfons: …Let me tell you something, Kate. Of course, it would have been wonderful if everything had gone as you planned.

A: Would you not agree, though, that success could be celebrated with just about anybody?

A: A day such as today, where we can laugh together at having gone through so many comical blunders…

A: …If you ask me, that feels much more special than simply celebrating that things have gone according to plan, and it will also stay in my memory as well.

Kate: Now that you mention it… maybe… that is true?

Thanks to Alfons explaining his thoughts to me in such a clear way, connecting his reasoning together,

gradually, yet surely, I was able to think of these blunders as a good thing.

Alfons: Things such as success and failure, sadness and happiness… if it is you I am eating with, every flavor is second to none.

A: So that’s why, come now, won’t you give me your final present?

A: No matter if the present comes out as you have planned, or something has gone awry…

A: Your goal to make this a birthday that stays in my memory is going quite swimmingly, I’d say? You have my congratulations.

(No matter if it’s a success or failure… that’s the first time I’ve heard something like this.)

Encouraged by Alfons’ words, I took the final present out of my bag.

Kate: Here you go. It’s my final present to you… a bouquet of forget-me-not flowers.

Alfons: Hehe, I see you’ve chosen flowers based on my name. Not to mention, the bouquet is quite darling. Thank you for this.

A: …Oh? And what’s this?

Alfons’ eyes were drawn to the card that was attached to the bouquet.

Kate: The florist attached that card on. It’s one wishing you a happy birthday.

Alfons: …So I see.

Kate: Uhm, if there was a blunder in there—

Alfons: No? Come then, how about we look at the flowers together?

Saying this, Alfons took me to stand in front of the mirror in his room.

Reflected in the mirror was Alfons, who was holding the bouquet of flowers, and me.

(…Thank goodness. The flowers look pretty, and the card is there too.)

(And the card says ‘Happy Birthday’ on it too… wait, huh?)

The things reflected in the mirror should appear flipped horizontally, and yet I could read the card’s message clearly through the reflection.

Kate: Alfons, this card…

When I shifted my gaze from the mirror to the bouquet, just as I had thought, the card’s message was written backwards.

Kate: It looks like the message was written wrong… I’m really sorry, to have another blunder like this…

Alfons: …Now this here is most definitely not a failure, but rather a success, no?

Kate: Eh…?

Alfons: Something that becomes correct when reflected in the mirror… it’s as though this gift was prepared specially for me, wouldn’t you say?

A: I would expect nothing less of you, Kate.

As if I myself were looking at a mirror, Alfons managed to completely turn that failure into a success.

(As I thought… Alfons really is a kind person.)

I thought there were many things I couldn’t get a grasp on about him, but I felt so happy at his kindness, which I could easily feel.

And I loved his soft expression he would give me when I felt down.

(It’s Alfons’ birthday, and yet I’m always the one who’s being made happy like this…)

(I wonder… is there anything that could make Alfons happy as well?)

As I searched my memory for something… I recalled his birthday last year.

Kate: …Alfons, could you please sit on the bed?

I had Alfons sit on the bed before I went atop his lap.

Alfons: …Well, seeing you so bold is a less than common sight indeed. Why on my lap?

Kate: Because, last year, when I was on your lap like this, you said you enjoyed it…

—— Flashback ——

Kate: …? Wait, why do I have to be on your lap…

Alfons: Need you even ask? Obviously, it’s because I enjoy it.

—— End flashback ——

Alfons: …I wasn’t aware you had remembered such trivial words from way back then.

Kate: Well, whenever it comes to you, I have quite a good memory.

K: No matter how trivial, or how meaningless they may seem… I haven’t forgotten a single thing.

Even if you do carry a fate where you will end up forgotten, I will never forget you.

As though Alfons had picked up on my silent resolve, he quietly smiled at me,

but he left me with no answer in return.

(I’m sure Alfons can’t believe in a future where he can escape from his tragic fate now.)

But, that was something that couldn’t be helped.

If he were to hold expectations that he could escape from it when a method to do so hadn’t yet been found yet, he would only get hurt.

(So, that’s why… you don’t have to believe in such a future right now.)

(After all, when I do find a way to escape it, I’m sure you will be very happy about it.)

Alfons: …You did say that you went on top of my lap because I enjoy it,

A: but can I say the same for you, being on top of me like this?

A: Seeing as last night as well, you were on top o—

Kate: T-this and that are different! Stop saying such strange things!

Alfons: My sincerest apologies.

When I retorted in a panic with a pout… it was after that I noticed.

That in order to lift my gloomy mood, he had been teasing me.

Alfons: So? Would you care to tell me what you plan to do next?

A: If you don’t mind, though, I will also do what I would like too.

With an air of mischief, his hands undid the ribbon on my clothes.

(At this rate, I’ll slowly melt completely into his touch… so before that,)

Kate: Wait a minute. There are other things I remember.

K: If I remember right, ‘Since we’re celebrating my birthday, is it not natural to give the birthday boy a kiss, at least?’… was it?

Last year, Alfons had used his ability on me, having ensnared me in his temporary illusion,

causing me to kiss him of my own accord.

Kate: Happy birthday, Alfons.

Alfons: …Truly, I am thankful for all the wonderful presents you have given me.

A: Every single one… they have all been engraved. In my heart, that is.

A: However… I did also say that I wished for a most passionate kiss as well.

Kate: That…

(Indeed, I remember last year, he did say that.)

(And, I also remember all the lewd things we did after that.)

Alfons: …Don’t tell me you have forgotten that?

(When he says it heartrendingly like that, I can’t feign forgetfulness with him.)

Kate: I haven’t forgotten. …In fact, I remember it. I remember it all.

Alfons: Then, I do look forward to it.

Once again, our lips touched, and I slipped my tongue in his mouth, which was slightly ajar.

I couldn’t do it as well as Alfons, but I still tried my best, in my own way.

But…

Alfons: I see you could use some work on your kissing, Kate.

The moment our lips parted, Alfons said this with a smile playing on his lips.

Kate: ‘Could use some work’… and here I was trying to do it like you…!

Alfons: I could feel a desperation quite reminiscent of a dog wanting to lap at its owner’s face…

A: Ahh, but if anything, you are more akin to a cat to me.

Kate: …I think it’s just you have much more experience than me in this, so you’re too good at this, Alfons.

When I narrowed my eyes, sarcasm laced into my tone, Alfons responded in turn gave me a flat affirmation as if saying something like ‘that may also be the case.’

(I wanted to satisfy him, so I tried my very best… but was this kiss a blunder too?)

Though he had given me words of encouragement that these blunders would remain in his memory, I still felt my mood would plummet once again.

Alfons: So, that’s why, I implore you to not become good at this.

Kate: Eh…?

Alfons: You were the one who said ‘it’s just you have much more experience than me in this, so you’re too good at this,’ no?

A: If that’s the case, just like now… it’s alright to not know any kiss other than mine.

(When he says it like that, it’s almost like…)

(…he’s saying, ‘Don’t kiss anyone other than me.’)

Hearing that possessive side of him, my mood lifted once again.

Alfons: Come now, Kate. One more time.

The things we were doing were things only adults would do, but the way he was demanding it seemed a bit childish, and I found that somewhat adorable.

Kate: Hehe… alright then.

So that neither he nor I would forget this… with the taste of clumsy kisses, we carved this very moment, deeply so.

Fin.

← prev fin. epilogue →

full masterlist 🪞🍰 ╱ ko-fi ☕ (30% of proceeds will go to doctors without borders for donations $17↑)

[ultra-violet-heart]

7th Time Loop Volume 6: A Story About When It's Sweeter to Sleep Together

This is a canon short story written by Touko Amekawa as a Bookwalker bonus for Volume 6 of 7th Time Loop!

Based on how they have been adding bonuses sometimes, it might be added when Volume 6 gets translated by Seven Seas someday, but for now, I've translated it in English!

PLEASE DON'T REPOST OR RE-UPLOAD THIS TRANSLATION ANYWHERE.

Contains spoilers for Volume 6.

Bonus Side Story for 7th Time Loop Volume 6

A Story About When It's Sweeter to Sleep Together

Around a day has passed since the fire onboard the ship, and it was now bedtime. After taking a bath and helping with disinfecting Arnold's bedroom, Rishe planned to sleep with him again today. Arnold had this blank look on his face and seemingly planned to say something, but in the end he just went with Rishe's wishes.

Once again, Rishe would become his body pillow.

(Although...)

"What's the matter...?"

Sitting on the middle of the bed, Rishe's face showed a mysterious expression.

Arnold, who also sat on the middle of the bed, sensed her being troubled and asked her that question.

Raising her face, Rishe stared intently at Arnold, who just finished taking a bath just like Rishe.

Arnold, who usually wore tight collars to hide his scars, apparently wore comfortable clothes for bedtime. His neck, chest and collarbone could be seen from his shirt. Hugging one of the many pillows around them, Rishe then tugged on Arnold's sleeve and asked.

"Your Highness, you always use soaps with less scents, right?"

"It's less of a nuisance, you see."

Arnold made it clear he hated excessive fragrances.

Rishe raised the back of her hand to the tip of her nose and sniffed.

"Hmm."

"Rishe."

He stopped asking further questions and instead called her name, while Rishe timidly replied.

"Actually, um. Master Joel pointed it out to me this morning."

"Pointed what out?"

"..."

She looked so embarrassed, she looked down while continuing.

"He told me I have the same scent as yours, Prince Arnold..."

"..."

Arnold could probably guess how red Rishe's face was with embarrassment right now.

Thinking about it made her more embarrassed, so Rishe tried to excuse herself while clutching her nightgown hem.

"So, tonight, after my bath, I reduced the amount of lotion I put on my body, but the scent still overpowered yours, so..."

"..."

"So before I sleep here with you, I'll just wipe myself. I'll remove that scent away as much as possible, so feel free to sleep first, Your Highness... BWAAAAAAAAAH?!"

Rishe screamed as Arnold's arms reached out to her. He placed a large hand on her back, bringing her closer. Arnold then nuzzled Rishe's nape closely.

"Mmm..."

His black hair tickled Rishe's skin.

Arnold went still in that position while muttering to himself.

"...You smell sweet."

"I-is that so? I apologize, I can wipe off that scent away..."

"But."

Arnold finally pulled away, speaking composedly as if nothing happened.

"I think of it as nothing but your scent."

Before she could ponder the meaning of his words, Rishe's eyes went spinning.

"It's not uncomfortable. You don't need to do anything unnecessary like wiping anything, go to bed soon."

"B-but."

"Here. I'll snuff out the lamp soon."

Being prompted like that, Rishe hurried under the covers.

Arnold didn't seem to mind and didn't say anything as Rishe laid down next to him.

(The meaning of those words... there shouldn't be any deeper meaning on those words...)

Her body now turning warmer wasn't due to her just finishing her bath moments ago. Realizing this, Rishe turned her back away from Arnold.

(As the body temperature rises, the sweet scent on the skin from the lotion turns stronger...!)

"....?"

Of course, tonight, she planned to still be a body pillow to him, but things needed to cool down a bit.

When she asked him to not snuff out the lamp yet, Arnold respected her wish and put off from snuffing it out for some moments.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Twisted Wonderland x FemReader | Maid Milker

“No. No way! I’m not selling myself just so you can get more thirsty perverts bothering me!”

Since it had recently been discovered that you were the only female in a college meant for boys you could hardly breathe without someone openly creeping on you. First it was just students staring longingly, before it started becoming confessions, and then open stalking. There was even an official fan club that made a point to broadcast every single part of your life private or not. There was no filter. So of course when one of the few people who you had an established friendship (kinda) asked you to exploit just that.

“Awwww, shrimpy! Don’t you wanna work with me? We’d have so much fun!”

He leaned his head on yours letting more of his weight weigh on you as you struggled to keep up right.

“I’d love to but not in a maid dress! Do you know how bad those things can be for girls like me?”

“What could possibly be stopping you other than the overwhelming support of your club?” Jade interjected slyly picking at the fact that you had a literal fan base that would praise you for simply walking.

“Not. My. Club. And panty shots.”

“Easy fix. We can invest in some shorts.” Azul, confident he pushed his glasses up and shrugged; you grimaced.

“I’d have to shave.”

“Stockings.”

“Those get hair?” Floyd directed at his brother who tilted his head. “Apparently.”

“Ugh harassment.”

“Do you even have to ask? Jade and Floyd.”

“Ugh. What about...my dignity!” You hated that this was you picking at straws here.

“The whole lounge will be on the same rules as you and what's wrong with a student earning some much needed cash. If people think it’s so funny you’re working so hard it’d behoove them to help out of pity.”

“Hmmm...” you brought your index and thumb to your chin in hopes that it could come up with some other reason why this wouldn’t work. Finding that you couldn’t find one you saw no problem agreeing as long as you cleared some things up.

“I get paid and I keep all my tips?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone I ask to be removed for behavior will be removed?”

“Of course.”

“...and I get to keep the costume.”

“...”

“That wasn’t a question.”

“Well...”

“Azul!”

“Okay okay. It’s yours.”

“Thank you, well then I’ll gladly be in your service.”

______________________________________________________________

"I'm surprised you let that go, Azul." The eel-mer spoke without looking up from the modal he was counting, sporting his typical smile.

"Patience, Jade. We don't need golden eggs when we have the goose." Azul reassured writing in his ledger with a confident tone.

"What goose?" Floyd was leaned over the couch behind Azul.

"Its a land expression, you should have covered that in literature already."

"We did but someone wasn't in the mood to listen for the whole of it."

"He~he."

The octo-mer didn't look up from what he was writing but he did stop to speak seriously to the eel.

"If we want this plan to work though you'll need to be in the mood to listen...can you do that at least."

"He~he I'm always in the mood when Shrimpy's involved!"

______________________________________________________________

“Haha, I can’t belie-haha-you agreed to this!” 

Ace was having a field-day, as you expected but you had thrown out your embarrassment and were going to proudly wear your themed maid outfit in purple and black. 

“Shut up Ace! Before I spit in your drink!” 

You whispered the last bit as Jade strongly asked that you refrain from giving any fluid of yours without having paid for the service specifically. Feeling satisfied as Ace held his hands up in submission you looked at Deuce who looked at a loss for words, opening and closing his mouth as he looked at your outfit.

“Got something to say, Deuce?”

You mockingly taunted him in case he thought about hopping on the bully-(Y/n) bandwagon.  He continued to flutter before he finally gathered himself looking down then up at you.

“I-uh, like your stockings.” He gulped, diverting his attention for awhile before returning to its latest focus. You immediately perked, balancing the trey to let your hand slide past the fluff of your dress to pull at the fabric.

“Like it? I was originally going to go with tights that went up all the way-“ you let go causing the strap to slap against the plush of your thigh, adding emphasis to your statement. “But I decided these jock-straps were too cute to pass up.” 

You dismiss yourself walking back to the kitchen as Deuce blushes full force as he replays the whole interaction in his mind. Not just your words but the prideful look in your eye as you snapped the strap against your thigh, leaving the Heartslabyul student reeling with his imagination. Just across from him, Ace too was replaying the view of you walking away. It was just too easy. 

“Hate to watch you go but love to watch you leave.”

He had to come here every night. 

“Oh, here’s your underwater mocha and your sweet oyster tart.”

Riddle couldn’t help looking, it was what everyone was here to do anyway. But that was why he came: to make sure everyone was doing just that. So why was it so much worse for him when that was all he could do.

“A-and you're sure this is consensual?”

“Yeah, no worries. Besides, the modal I’m getting for this will have me and Grim eating happily for days!”

“If foods what your worried about, I’d gladly put some on your plate.” 

The baker spoke smoothly talking in that calming voice everyone relaxed at totally masking the true intention.

“I appreciate that Trey but with your sweets I’d definitely pack on a few and I don’t need that.” You joked, oblivious to the green and orange eyes flickering to your stomach and thighs before flashing such charming smiles.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind that at all (Y/n).”

“I agree, (Y/n). You’d look stunning, even if you racked on a hundred more.”

“Aw gee thanks guys!”

You couldn’t deny you felt an intensity when they spoke your name but you couldn’t focus on whatever heat they might have spurred especially when you were being called to serve your next order. 

“Oh sorry guys, I have to go now. Enjoy your drinks and treats.”

You scurried off only for Riddle to make an interesting discovery. “For only 2,000 madol you can have your waiter hand feed you? I-it’s better that we check and make sure this er-practice is healthy or not, yes?”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” “Count me in, boss.”

“You have some nerve accepting business from the fish.” Leona spoke in his gruff voice immediately having you reel back to his table. In the booth he sat on the cushion by himself with the other being shared by Jack and Ruggie. You nervously laughed as you waited for Ruggie to finally speak after eying you up and down.

“And how much would you be willing to do this for?”

You laughed at him, thinking he was joking when his sky blues were staring unwavering right back at you. Recovering you thought for a moment.

“I guess it would be a lot, not including whatever liberties I’ll even allow. But it’s not like anyone would pay for me to actually do something like this.”

You nervously chuckled only for the knowing smirks spread on Leona and Ruggie's face as you once again realized this was no joke. With a cough from the forgotten guest you looked at Jack who seemed to fidget as he blushed.

“While I don’t think you're anywhere near the level being a maid, you still look...very pretty.”

“Aww thank you Jack!” You struck a pose with a heart before walking off to attend your duties leaving Ruggie to relentlessly be smacked by the wagging of Jack’s tail not seeming to mind as he dazed off to watch you work.

“Oh manifique mademoiselle trickster you’ve rendered me a slave to your beauty and I’m floored to witness you in such a state!” As dramatic and as loud as Rook could be he never failed to make you blush at his compliments as you tried to take the tables order down.

Vil looked off to the side, eying an occupied twin at the bar before turning to look up at you. Smoothly he twirled his fingers around the lace of your maid dress lightly brushing against the now exposed skin of your thigh. 

“I didn’t realize you liked to play dress-up (Y/n)...” you blubbered trying to find another topic as his light playing turned into suggestive pulling before you bashfully pushed down your dress. 

“Next time you do we’ll have a private fashion show (Y/n), that way you can really learn how to play your role...properly.”

Regrettably Epel never properly spoke to you; he was too interested in the way the apron and dress hugged your body.  Making certain to burn it into his memory for an apple carving later for at least he’d be allowed to lick that version of you. 

“(Y/n)!!”

Shouting as if he hadn’t just sat with you in science class, he launches himself at you immediately causing you to spill a drink you were carrying for another table. Eventually breaking from his hug, thanks to Jamil he begins to apologize.

“Aw I’m so sorry (Y/n)! I’ll pay for it and I’ll take you to eat here.”

He seems so happy and with a smile like that you struggled with what to say, thankfully Jamil had that covered he pulled out a hanky he kept on hand.

“Can’t you see Kalim, she’s working right now. And you ruined her appearance.”

“I did? How? You look perfect to me.”

“Aww thanks Kalim.”

Distracted by his musings you almost missed how Jamil kneeled down to rub at the sugary residue on your thighs. Gulping down a blush he tried his best to clean, even though it made no progress at all and he knew that. 

“Heheeh Jamil that tickles! I appreciate the help but no worries. In fact I’ll get you two seated right away.”

You guided the two to an empty booth completely unaware of the sorrowful face Kalim was pulling as Jamil pocketed the handkerchief. With a playful flick of his tongue Jamil hurried ahead as Kalim caught up.

Idia was hardly keeping it together seeing you run around taking orders from customers and running around with food on a tray had fueled the fantasy of the cliche maid cafe. He was practically already dying from the sheer amount of noise and extroverts that had gathered here but he most certainly was revived in some strange way to see you in your maid uniform. He refused to bring Ortho with him as this was his special mission on high difficulty and he didn't want Ortho tainted by your succubus charm, of course not because you might be discovered by yet another love rival. When you finally did run up to him a delicious sheen of sweat coated your arms and your forehead wonderfully accompanied but the sticky residue a drink must have made on your thighs-oh seven your thighs it sent him into another frenzy as he was barely able to recite his order. 

“Oh, you want the ocean blue smoothie?”

He nodded.

“With the lip mark and a quarter drunk?”

He nodded again.

You looked at him for a bit before shrugging. ‘Everyone at some point must want to feel less lonely.’

So in front of him in the most secluded booth there was you bringing his drink and reapplied your matching lipstick before happily indulging in India’s drink. He didn’t realize you’d do it in front of him! But he wasn’t complaining, all the more grateful for his hidden body-cam as he watched your throat bob drinking his drink. He left happily holding the to-go cup that had your lip marks on it. He was going to...cherish the trophy for a successful mission.

Lilia traversed through enough of the internet to know about the anime-maid-obsession. He won’t lie, for awhile he too was intrigued before moving on but seeing you pad around in such a cute replica reignited it for him. 

“It’s a shame you aren’t in-character that way you would have had to do what your master said!”

“Hehe, well than Master Lilia, here's your Pearl Gray iced tea.”

The joking you did with him made the old fae quite excited but he could handle himself until he got back to his dorm. Yes he could wait till he was in his lonesome. He could wait until then to imagine how helpless you’d be under him as he rearranged your guts on the dining table for mocking your master. So all he did was giggle and wink because he was grown. And that’s just what grown fae do. Wait until later to enact his desires.

Malleus didn’t understand why you were wearing such attire and he didn’t appreciate the way it made everyone ogle you like you were free for the taking. It upset him but anger was quelled when from his position he could smell you so clearly and the tightness of your uniform made it all the more appealing to watch. He was angry but when you happily flashed the cuff links he gifted you his anger subsided...kind of. If you were willing to show this much to the general populace than surely you’d have something far more intimate to show him. With that he indulged in his beverage excusing the involuntary flip of your skirt as moved to serve your guests.

Silver did see you in the maid outfit, if only briefly before getting comfortable enough to snooze again. But being awoken to a soft but forceful hold on your head does something. Grasping the crown of his head, nails barely grazing his scalp was a feeling he hadn’t expected to invoke such a reaction out of him. He did moan but thankfully it seemed normal enough that you didn’t question it when he sat upright.

“I’m glad I caught you, that would have been an awful waste of madol. Now Sebek, did you want anything?”

Oh he did want something, to chew you out over your wild attempts to flaunt yourself for all these men and for failing to properly woo his master. But that was before you reached past him to stop Silver from falling in his sleep into his drink. You successfully caught the human, completely oblivious to the half fae you inadvertently shoved your chest into. He’s probably suffocating but is he going to stop you while you right his fellow guard from falling? No! Especially not when you smell so good-and this--this is a part of his training! Yes! To be able to withstand the wiles of a human female for the sake of his master. Right! But it seems he’s failed this time as he won’t be able to properly utter a sentence until he’s forgotten the softness he nearly suffocated in.

“Uh-uhm-uh-er-“

“I’ll just get you some water, hun.”

______________________________________________________________

Finally draping yourself over the couches armrest you let out an exasperated sigh. On your feet all day, running around playing maid for everyone in the Monstro Lounge was beyond exhausting. You were glad it was the end. You walked into the office where Azul seemed to have finished organizing his contracts. Sitting in a nearby chair and on the floor respectively was Jade and Floyd. They smiled at you as your tiredness showed nodding at them before leaning playfully into Azul. Breath tickling his ear you asked.

“Now can I have my pay? My hour’s up.” You yawned, leaning your head onto his shoulder as his face bloomed a concerning shade of red.

“I-it’s l-late isn’t it? Don’t you want to stay the night.?” 

You yawned again. “No why?”

Jade slid in behind you letting you lean back on him as he swayed you through the door and near a storage area. 

“We can all see it, we've worked you dry, (Y/n). So take this time to sleep and I’ll take you back in the morning.”

Floyd appeared tossing a Monstro lounge t-shirt that was way too many sizes big for you. Looking at their sharp smiles you relented, excusing yourself to change before returning and happily passing out on whoever’s bed they guided you to. 

In the meantime the three stood menacingly over your abandoned maid outfit. Jade pulled out a checklist and Azul got his wand ready. 

“Now who is on the top priority list for a copy.”

“Not including us, Malleus Draconia, Idia Shroud, and oddly enough Neige Leblanche.” 

“Alright then."

“Let’s get started then.”

[utterdrip]

hmmm let me make it clear, since i HAVE said some things in the past i dont agree with anymore (nothing brought this up btw just me brain)

THESE ARE ALL MY OWN OPINIONS !!!! NOT CANON OR FACT OR CONFIRMED TRUTHS

i dont think astarion is inherently evil. i said this before i really delved into the game and its options myself but now i think hes. just my lil bug. like he literally had his empathy tortured out of him lol

i think astarion falls in love well before act iii, at least halfway into act ii. i think he feels a Lot of New feelings he doesnt know how to categorize and so it takes him a hot minute to realize. he literally says that his partner is the one who made him learn how to love again. also he craves attention but now he’s receiving a type of attention that is much more genuine and not something hes had

i think astarion is kinder than most think. however, if being cruel/lying is funnier, he’s gotta commit to the bit.

i think aa feels empty, but he still holds some sort of affection for his beloved. but i think it becomes a relationship based on a power dynamic that i think emphasizes his deepest fears

[blue-sadie]

Truly Broken

Ascended Astarion x Reader

Summary: with the new power he's gained he doesn't realize the things he's lost in till its to late

Warning: reader death dn = daughters name

Based off this post by @wilsonsmadshow

Yn/3rd person

It was all done the mission was a success and astarion became ascended but something started to tug at your heart, you didn't know what it ment and you dreaded that.

The days following you've said goodbye to your other companions and stuck with astarion who's been acting weird not his usual flirty self.

Instead he was becoming more arrogant and snappy when I ask him something even his affection was turning cold.

"Are you coming to bed astarion" I asked as I rubbed my eyes tiredly and leaned against the wooden doorframe.

He just stared blankly at the wall ignoring my existences "astarion" I murmured a bit louder as I slowly walked to him lifting up my hand to touch him.

My hand wavered I pulled back, this was the first time I ever was nervous to touch astarion I took a step back and cleared my throat to get his attention.

He sighed with annoyance "what is it" he snapped his piercing eyes turning to stare deep into mine, his gaze was different it wasn't filled with affection and love instead it looked like dispar and hatred.

"I-I asked if you wanted to come to bed" I said changing my stance out of nervousness under his gaze.

He rolled his eyes and turned his gaze to the wall "no I don't think I will" he muttered my heart clenched he's never directed his hatred to me maybe somethings bothering him.

"What's wrong astarion" I asked and slowly got closer to him "what's on that mind of yours" I slowly sat of the edge of the arm of the chair he was sitting on.

"Nothings bothering me tav" he snapped and brought one of his hands up to his face and rubbing his eyes.

"I can tell,something is" I whispered and gently lifted a hand to place on his shoulder, he jerked away from me and pushed me to the floor harshly.

I squeaked in pain as I hit the floor "don't you know when to fucking stop" he yelled standing up over me, my body began shaking in fear.

"I told you to leave it and you kept annoying me" he growled stepping towards me making me crawl away with each step.

"Maybe the reason I don't want to go to bed is because your there" he muttered "you repulse me with every fiber of your being" he spat making my heart break.

"You don't mean that" I whispered making him laugh like a mad man "oh trust me darling I do, I've finished my use of you so you can leave" he mocked and pointed at door.

"W-what" my eyes filled with tears "do I need to speak clearer get the fuck out" he shouted, the tears started to fall as I nodded slowly and got to my feet shakily.

"I-if that's what you want" I snuffed and slowly making my way out the room only for a stopping for a brief second hoping he would change his mind.... but he didn't.

I only packed the essentials in a bag before quickly making my way out not daring to look at him once.

my tears blurring my vision even though he hates me I still live him and want him happy If he wants me gone then do be it.

I looked down at my slightly bulging stomach and layed a gentle hand on it, at least a small part of the old him is still with me.

-Time skip-

I raised my hand to my daughters face slowly wiping away her fallen tears "d-dont go" she cried her long grey hair falling into her face.

I smiled sadly "you remind me of your father" I coughed as I felt my time running out "of how we were when we first me" I thought back to all the great memories we had together.

"I love you dn" I whispered with my last remaining energy and slowly closed my eyes as I felt myself slip away.

Dn caught your hand as it feel and kept denying your death as her sobs grew louder "please no" she cried and brought your frail body up to hers "please mom" she sobbed.

Her cries caught the attention of the vampire her mother waited for everyday, astarion peered around a tree.

He bored his teeth already to pounce when he paused catching a wif of a familiar scent his mind whirled trying to figure out who it was.

"Are you ok" he asked stepping out from around the tree into the light, dn jumped at the sound and scurried to wipe her face.

Astarion froze as he saw your body and he felt the pain he felt all those years ago when he left you.

"Y-yn" he fell to his knees "who are you" dn asked stepping infront of you blocking his gaze and he finally looked at her and gasped at the resemblance he saw.

"A-astarion" he whispered dn looked astonished her sadness turning anger, she knew who he was you never kept the knowledge of her father from her.

The only thing you left out was why he left you "you have no right to be here" she muttered shoving him back.

"You were never here so don't think you can mourn her now" she shouted and kept pushing him back in till he was up against the tree.

"She waited for you and you never came" she anger started to turn back to sadness.

Astarion watched and his heart broke as he started to remember the words he said to you and he watched as dn went back to your side turning her back to him.

He chose to leave you and now he's getting the karma he deserves.

"Karmas a bitch"

Tag.List

@neteyamyawne

@sweetirilly

@greekgods15

[ingravinoveritas]

Firstly i dont think she adjusted since moving to the UK what do u think?

And secondly this post feels that its all about her again like and the character is based on her in real life but the project was longed talk about in 2017 as michael said on the Graham norton show to which michael was with Sarah at that point. It's again trying to be the centre of attention again and stay irrelevant just cos she not getting it from michael

What ur thoughts on this recent of post of Al

So, apologies that it took me all week to answer this--I feel like the entirety of the month of February has just caught up with me, which essentially feels like a lot of tiredness hitting all at once.

I did see this on Monday, however, and I just...am again at something of a loss. I got a bit down on myself over my response to her Insta story from the first preview of Nye and thinking I was overreacting/reading too much into things...and then this happens.

The first thing I would say is that I agree with you that AL is making it all about her again. The post itself comes across as PR, which it likely was because Georgia also shared the same clip that day--albeit with a caption that was actually about Michael/centered on the show. And the contrast becomes even more stark when you look at this post from Caroline Sheen. Caroline is Michael's cousin and she had a small role in The Way, and her post is much more personal and essentially what you would expect from someone who is close to someone in the production. Which subsequently makes AL's post look even more like PR in comparison.

But I think what irritates me the most about Anna's post is that it's yet another instance of her making a dig at Wales. Talking of patterns as I tend to do, she did this previously in September of last year (the #FromManhattantoTonypandy hashtag), and in both of these cases it's her reminding everyone of where she lived before, and likely where she still wishes she lived. In thinking of your initial question, AL may have adjusted to Wales in some ways, but it's clearly not where she belongs or thinks she belongs. I've written previously on my blog about her likely thinking she would be living the celebrity life in New York or London, and Wales was almost certainly a place she didn't even know existed until Michael. So this entire post feels like it's tinged with passive-aggressive resentment as a result.

Let me be clear: In no way do I think that moving to a new country is an easy thing, and it is more than understandable that someone might not love every single thing about the place in which they live, especially if they are an outsider coming from a completely different culture. But the thing is, The Way is literally about Wales. It is entirely focused on Welsh identity and history, and it is a project into which Michael has poured a tremendous amount of his passion and energy and time, which speaks to what you mentioned about him talking about this since 2017.

Why, then, would you make such a snarky comment on a post promoting a show so centered on Wales? That your own partner directed, no less? At best, it comes across as thoughtless and self-centered, and at worst, as deliberately disrespectful.

I can also fully understand why Michael put out a tweet of his own promoting the second episode less than an hour after Anna posted that story. If we are to say that Georgia is a good representative for David on social media--which she arguably is, most of the time--then Anna, by contrast, is the worst possible representative for Michael. And a post like the one above only further highlights how mismatched and wrong for each other they truly are. I also think it's pained him to refrain from tweeting for this long, and now he finally has a reason to start again, for which both we and Michael can be thankful.

So yes, those are my thoughts on AL's story from earlier this week. Glad to hear from my followers as well about your reactions to this. Thank you for writing in! x

[mad-fem-lesbian]

We All Know What a Woman is Essay

This is the essay I wrote for an assignment where we were assigned to write an argument of definition. I defended that "woman" "female" and "lesbian" all have clear definitions and that it's offensive to try to change them.

I had to be “civil” in my arguments, so I had to rein myself in a little bit on certain parts.

But I was still able to show a backbone and make my stances very clear.

My professor was extremely impressed. He even said it was one of the best essays he’s read. 💪🏾

I’m new(ish) to the community, so I look forward to interacting with you all!

We are living in a time where the words “women” and “female” have become almost taboo and devoid of meaning. The definitions of these two words, which have always been clear historically, are now up for debate. No longer are the dictionary/medical/historical definitions universally accepted. There is a push for a change in language that’s more “inclusive” or “gender neutral.” The push for this change is mostly due to wanting to legitimize transgender identities. Some examples include no longer referring to pregnancy or menstruation as being female or women’s issues.  The point of language, however, isn’t to be inclusive. The point is to be able to describe and categorize things accurately. We need language to explain the similarities and differences between things. In the case of female and male and with woman and man, these words need to be clear because they have historical significance, medical necessity, social implications, and legal ramifications.  

The differences between the sexes and how we refer to each group have always been clear. Man has referred to an adult human male and woman has referred to as an adult human female. Biology has always been a part of the definitions and distinctions. Not accounting for disorders of sexual development (DSDs), the sexes are usually accurately observed and categorized in terms of chromosomes and primary sex characteristics. Sex and gender were intrinsically linked terms and concepts in the past. As the Merriam-Webster website explains, the terms sex and gender have been linked since the 14th century (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). Meanwhile, the terms gender identity and transgender didn’t have known uses until 1964 (Merriam-Webster, n.d.) and 1974 (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). So, it’s a relatively newer concept that gender exists separately from sex. Sex has a definition based on biology; it’s based on something that’s tangible, measurable, and concrete.

 Comparatively, gender identity is based on someone’s internal sense of themself and therefore it is “unverifiable and unfalsifiable” (Griffin L, et al., 2021, p. 292). There are large enough parts of society who support the idea that women are a social category made up of “feminine” traits and characteristics. They want to redefine woman/female based on transgender people’s view of themselves. Even this side of the argument has to admit that since their gender definitions, such as the belief that “gender can be fluid” or that someone is non-binary or agender that it’s not solid enough of a concept to start changing definitions and laws based on an unprovable concept. As Dahlen (2020), explains, “No genetic marker, biochemical test, brain imaging, or objective measurement exists in medical practice for gender identity . . . ” (p. 42).

Historically, women were discriminated against medically and legally. Of course, we still see this practiced in current times by things such as Roe v. Wade being overturned by the United States Supreme Court on June 22, 2022. As a black woman, one of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the medical horrors against women is Dr. J. Marion Simms and his “medical experiments” on enslaved women (Ojanuga, 1993). Dr. J. Marion Simms was considered by many to be the “Father of  modern Gynecology.” Ojanuga goes on to explain how during that time period, gynecology didn’t even exist as a medical field yet (Ojanuga, 1993). To make these atrocities against my ancestors even worse, the enslaved women weren’t able to give consent to the medical treatments (Ojanuga, 1993). Unfortunately, black women are still facing problems related to maternal health (Cuénant, 2023). Women have never been able to separate our “gender” from our sex. Our female bodies have always been a target when it comes to medical and political attacks. Male bodies aren’t policed in this same manner and they’re often the ones in charge of women’s autonomy. That’s why the idea that any male (regardless of how feminine he may feel or how he presents himself) can “identify” as a female or as a woman personally offends me.

Our sex is fixed and anything related to undergoing hormone therapy or surgically altering one’s genitalia doesn’t actually change anyone’s sex (Dahlen, 2020). I don’t object to feminine men, only to the fact that they want to shoehorn themselves into womanhood. We are not a nebulous concept that can be erased or redefined. We are not the ‘former planet’ Pluto. Culture is different globally and the gender roles associated with different cultures such as style of dress or responsibilities may differ, but we all have one thing in common that unites us, and that’s our biology. Being the sex that’s capable of giving birth, menstruating, and going through menopause are universal female traits. As such, we deserve our own language and descriptions.

When women weren’t able to vote until the Women’s Suffrage movement successfully fought for those rights in 1920, everyone knew who counted as women. When women needed restrooms in the workplace, when it came to creating women’s schools/colleges, and when it came to owning property, everyone knew who the women were. When women needed their husband’s permission to use birth control and when they were being discriminated against when it came to getting credit cards in the 1970s, it was very clear what segment of the population was being targeted (Eveleth, 2014). It’s always women that have had to fight uphill battles to get our rights and our cries recognized.

Another way that this debate personally affects me is because I’m a lesbian. If one argues that trans women can be women, that means that they can also be lesbians by that same logic. (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). The history of the concept of lesbianism goes back even further when considering the term lesbian dates back to Sappho of Lesbos (c. 610-c. 580 b.c.) (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). The concept has always been focused on women loving other women. It still means that, even though there’s a push to make “lesbian” a more inclusive term as well. There was a feminist/lesbian music festival called Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival or Michfest for short that was held from 1976-2015 on private property in the woods of Michigan (Welcome to Michfest, n.d.).

Controversy found the festival when its founder, Lisa Vogel reiterated that the festival’s focus was for “womyn-born-womyn” (Macdonald, 2018). Despite reports that the festival didn’t allow trans women to attend, the owner did know that there were trans women attendees. Other than the incident in 1991 when a trans woman was requested to leave, the festival didn’t ban them (Macdonald, 2018).  However, Lisa Vogel never backed down from her vision or mission of the festival which is that it was always focused on women and that it was a female-centric space. There was a group called Camp Trans that picketed the festival for their “exclusionary” practices (Camp Trans, n.d.). The festival being held on private property is the equivalent of if I had a meeting for lesbians in my home and then there were people organizing on my front yard in protest. The spaces for lesbians (or women in general) to meet and connect with each other in-person and online are dwindling because of the idea that female-only or single-sex spaces are exclusionary.

As far as legal situations, Title IX is a hot button issue right now. Title IX is part of the Education Amendments of 1972. It prohibits discrimination “on the basis of sex” in educational programs and activities that receive financial assistance from the federal government (Title IX of the Education Amendments Act of 1972). There are different interpretations about if gender identity is/should be protected under Title IX. It varies from issues about what bathrooms transgender students should use and if they should be allowed into locker rooms or play on sports teams in relation to their sex or gender identity. Outside of Title IX, different sporting bodies are also considering the same issues (Brito, 2023). The issue of fairness is often the argument about if males can safely and fairly compete with females in sports regardless of their gender identity. The science generally supports that transgender women have a physical advantage over women (Roberts, et al., 2020). Beyond the physical advantages is the psychological warfare on women that are forced to share locker rooms with males, especially in-tact ones. Former University of Kentucky swimmer, Riley Gaines, and her experiences should be considered. She was uncomfortable having to share a dressing room with and compete against Lia Thomas, a male swimmer who spent his first three years competing against other males (Schlott, 2023).

The radical feminist or gender critical stance is not one that objects to feminine males or masculine females; historically most radical feminists have been gender non-conforming lesbians. We generally don’t shave or wear makeup. So, no, we’re not the pearl-clutching religious or conservative group that believes each sex has to prescribe to a specific gender role.  That’s not my argument here at all.

We’re all for believing that people can dress and present themselves exactly as they’d like. We just don’t believe that someone’s inner sense of themself (their gender identity) is the same thing as them actually being the thing they want to be. 

Making legislation changes and conceding our language to appeal to someone’s inner sense of self, something that’s not concrete, is not practical. What happens if they change their gender identity again or continuously? What happens if in 10 years the medical community admits that the science behind this movement is flawed and that it should fall out of favor in the same way that lobotomies have? How will all of the female athletes who got injured or lost scholarships/games/medals be compensated?  How will they correct official documents like the sex recorded on birth certificates and passports?  These are not small, easy things to reverse. These things have to be considered when talking about policies, rules, and laws. 

We are not asking for the eradication of trans women despite what a lot from the pro-transgender side are arguing. We are simply asking them to create their own identity and spaces because woman and female are already taken. Asking us to call trans women women isn’t just going against the dictionary/medical/historical definition of the word, but it’s also asking us to erase ourselves in significant ways. 

If we don’t have language to describe ourselves, our experiences, our needs, and our rights as a defined and marginalized group, then what do we have? The words man and male are not facing the same kind of scrutiny. Phrases like “menstruator” “bleeders” “uterus haver” “people with vaginas” don’t have male equivalents that medical institutions or well-respected media outlets regularly use (Steinbuch, 2021).

In conclusion, my stance is not one against transgender women, it’s a stance that’s pro-woman. I’m for women not being erased or redefined due to a small group of males that want to “identify” as us. Misogynist attitudes, language, policies, and laws worldwide make it clear that everyone knows exactly what a woman is.

[genevawrenn]

I haven't said too much on the QSMP situation so I am going to try to at least share my thoughts, as of right now.

First of all : thank you to everyone in this project who did their best through adversity and a corrupt management, you all deserve the world.

To the eggs & capys & penguins & every other admin I will remember the characters you gave us for the rest of my life. Thank you, this past year has been one of my best creativity-wise and I have written nearly as much for this fandom as I did DSMP. You taught me a lot about character writing and found families in times of chaos, I will always think of you fondly.

Now, I want to discuss a few of the things I am disappointed with.

Starting off with how the egg arc ended.

Stories, to have full meaning and impact to me, leave the endings at a point where you want what's best for the characters. You want a chance to see the character development bloom [Hideduo mainly] and having it be so abrupt left us all reeling. It was so awfully familiar as someone who came from DSMP, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I do not blame the admins or ccs one bit here.

It's more...I wish there had been at least one last hurrah. Something Avengers level where we watched them all team up, clear out the Federation and maybe the Watcher too, and leave peacefully. Something that gave them all that one last interaction, a reminder of how through trials and trouble anyone on that island would have given their life for any child, their own or otherwise.

Every single person who woke up on that island went through development and due to miscommunication and watching the server slowly perish for months, it feels horrific to watch them all die one by one without being able to see the fruits of their labour. I am begging for fan made content to fill the hole in my heart left by that ending.

It hurts so much because I loved them all so deeply.

I mained Death Family content because I came into this fandom as a crow and adored how their little unit came to be. A son and a daughter with their damaged father who always did their best for one another. Sure, only one *maybe* was good at communication but they all tried. The effort was there. And the old crow hermit on the wall slowly became one of the most trusted members of the island due to the dedication for his family and friends.

Then I slowly became interested in FitMC's content after watching him hang out with Phil for months, and became a huevito instantly. The relationship he created in /rp with Pac was the first time in a long time I allowed myself to indulge in romance-based content [coming from a former SBI main, that should make sense]. I still remember the panic seeing the shipping art covering my timelines and checking boundaries before I realised this was something they both encouraged.

Fit and Pac came to represent a lot in my heart ; two damaged people moving at the pace both decided in order to form the family neither of them ever had. An ex prisoner and a veteran of toxic wastelands found home in one another's lives, enough they allowed their precious children to become bonded with their significant other.

They never said I love you, instead showed it through acts of service and protecting each other without question. They may not have kissed but they were always beside each other within the same space, only a short step away in case either needed support.

I will miss you forever, your characters were fantastic. I hope there are many more collabs in the future, your dynamic means a ton to a lot of people now.

Same goes to many more characters on that island I don't have the energy to do full write ups on but please know, you occasionally show up in my thoughts and another wave of mourning what I love passes over me. Death and Rosa Family were the ones I fixated on, nearly instantly, and I will create using them for a long time. I want to write their characters in a way that satisfies me, I still have to match my level of DSMP writing and beyond after all.

I want to also send appreciation to the streamers I found because of QSMP, it did what was intended and broke language barriers in ways I will forever be grateful to the translations mods that are becoming more common so I can still watch their content.

Cellbit, Baghera, Etoiles, PacTW, Mike, Roier, Luzu, you all are so cool! I enjoy your content and can't wait to watch more in the future.

Philza, Tubbo, Foolish, Charlie Slimecicle, Jaiden, Badboyhalo, FitMC, some of you I knew before and some I got to know better now, I adore you all.

All I hope for at this point is any future project takes what needs to be learned from watching this server slowly implode and please treat your employees right. Especially in creative ventures, we need the hope there can be confidence people are being treated right behind the scenes.

And to any of the QSMP CC's, I beg there are gaming collaborations and meetups in the future. You all have fantastic chemistry and I hope the families that were formed can continue to support each other.

To the admins. Thank you. I could say it a thousand times over and it would never be enough. You endured literal purgatory because you loved the plots and people so much, you deserve only the best in your future.

I intend to indulge in the egg content for the forseeable future, even if at this point I will just be VOD watching but there are still a few POV's I have wanted to watch in full and now seems like the best time. I do have several WIP I wish to finish and they make perfect inserts if I ever need characters for any new plots I imagine in the future.

Saudade QSMP Egg Arc 2023-2024. You taught me a lot within the short period of a year, you united many communities and heres to hoping we stick together long into the future.

I am sorry for the long post, I needed to spill my thoughts somewhere and tumblr's blogging format is ideal.

Let’s keep creating content surrounding the eggs and families we now miss. I understand if many move on but to me, this interest is one I will remember forever and happily talk about to anyone willing to hear me out. Just like Techno, they live on through me as long as I remember them.