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#I would not be surprised if someone else has said this
vampiresbloodx · 2 days
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warnings(18+ ONLY): smut, sub!reader, Dom!Wanda, vaginal fingering, dirty talk, teasing, blow jobs (on strap), spitting, slight praise, more degradation, rough s/x, strap on use, all of it is consensual, petnames use (good girl, baby).
emo!gf!Wanda uses you however she pleases and you gladly let her.
The first time she got a taste of you, she was obsessed. No, that wasn't a joke. No one has ever seen her been like this before about anyone. You bring out a completely different side to her than not even her best friend could know about.
Wanda claimed she didn't like girls, she always told herself she wasn't a lesbian and denied any rumours surrounding that.
It wasn't that she was ashamed, she didn't give zero fucks about their opinions. Maybe a little. That's what she was known for, her no bullshit attitude, the resting bitch face, someone to not fuck with.
Then she met you.
The cute adorable nerd who's too shy for their own good.
Wanda wanted to have you all to herself, and she did.
No one was allowed to touch you, flirt with you, go as far as to ask you out.
She would kill them.
Only you'd have to stop her from even putting them in the hospital.
Even if you were left alone for a few hours, minutes, seconds, if someone tried to come at you, she would randomly pop up out of nowhere scaring the hell out of them.
But not you.
She liked that.
She really liked you.
What she liked most was making you come as many times as she wanted. How you squirm under her gaze and touch, just one look and you're begging on your knees, it drives her insane. She has to use you.
You gladly accept it. Because you know she likes you. That's all you wanted.
You've had a crush on her for as long as you can remember, and you weren't the type to crush on people easily. Sure, they'd come, but they would never last that long.
And yet with Wanda, you knew you'd do anything she asked. She was the prettiest girl you've ever met, you just wanted her attention, her everything.
Wanda knew that too.
And she used it to her advantage.
"aw, is my pretty baby already soaking wet?" She cooed, slipping her fingers inside of your tight hole, moaning when she feels your walls clench around her. "Fucking hell, I've never fucked anyone who's pussy was just dripping, begging to be touched."
You whined, bucking your hips into her but she forced them down, glaring at you.
"now, you know I'm gonna have my way with you, I'll let you come once I know you've behaved well, don't move" she demanded.
Your body shuddered, somehow you listened, you always did.
There were times where you liked being a brat, getting the worst out of her was fun, however, this time you really didn't want to mess around.
"good girl" she cooed gently, her voice sending a shiver down your spine, she didn't waste anytime, nor did she back down with starting slow and easy, practically splitting you open with her fingers hard enough that'll make you cry.
Wanda smiled wickedly, watching your every move and reaction, your mouth gaped open, your eyes never leaving hers, fuck, it drove her wild.
"aw, does someone wanna come?" She teased, slowing her movements. "Hmm, it seems this pretty pussy is ready for my cock, don't you think?" She said, loving the way your eyes widened, pupils dilated at the sound of that.
She pulled her pants down, releasing her long, lengthy strap that she kept hidden to surprise you. It was one of her favourites she brought online. A cute, pink dildo that reminded her of you.
It's just too precious.
"spit on it" she muttered, watching as you did as she ordered, once she was pleased enough, Wanda's hands came up to your head, you eagerly wrapped your mouth over her fake dick, she groaned.
"good girl, sucking my cock so well" she moaned. "God, you're my personal fucktoy, aren't you?, my flesh light, you like that, don't you?."
She heard you whimper, causing her to smirk.
"do a good enough job and maybe I'll reward you with something else."
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themillsdaughter · 2 days
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a privilege I deprive myself of
Synopsis: you would rather chew glass than see Melissa yearn for something and not have it delivered to her. the thing, however, is that your life is a shitshow, and what was meant to be an act of kindness upends any effort you've made throughout the years to keep your feelings hidden.
or slightly insecure! Melissa and traumatized! reader in a Valentine's Day au inspired by this prompt.
Words: 3.9k
Warnings: Talks of body image.
Also, my first time dabbling in this fandom and character, so... Hope you like it!
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This isn’t ideal.
Valentine's Day has never been your favorite. Truthfully, you think it’s only yet another excuse for Capitalism to suck some extra cash out of millions of pockets.
You’ve thought this your entire life, regardless of being in a relationship or not. The thing, however, is that you live in a capitalist society and escaping the emotional reliance on the holiday is damn near impossible. So, throughout the years, you’ve come to terms with at least doing something for partners on the day.
Well, that is, until you’d walked in your apartment one day and found your girlfriend straddling a woman you’d never seen before.
This year, you’re single, so the whole thing had just slipped into the background, a red and pink festival more than anything else, really.
“You’re not doing anything?” Janine had asked a few days before in the teachers' lounge, brow furrowed, pity shining in her eyes. Dear God. “You know, Galentine’s Day is really popular now.”
“Honey, I barely want to celebrate the day when I have someone. Why would I make a fuss now that I have an out?” You’d gone back to grading, trying your damnest not to roll your eyes.
“Well, Tariq used to be like that, too. Even though we were together. Sometimes he would forget and go on trips, and those times were pretty lonely… You know, with all the hearts and chocolate and candles and couples around. Not that that’s the case this year, you know. I’m with Maurice, and he’s super attentive.” Her uncomfortable fidgeting had made her chair squeak. As sweet as she is, she should really learn how to stop projecting. “Anyways, I just worry about you. I don’t want you to feel lonely.”
“I don’t.”
“She doesn’t.” Melissa had said, at the same time as you. Looking up from the papers, you’d shared a grin with her. “She has enough wondering thoughts to keep her company.”
Finally, you’d given into your urge and rolled your eyes.
So this really isn’t ideal.
“I think this one is too tight, though.” The voice coming from your phone said. You turned the heat from the stove down, placed a half-lid over the pan, and picked up the device from the counter. On the screen, you saw something that made you pull out a stool from your island and thank God that the woman on the other side of the line was too busy looking at herself in the mirror, brows furiously furrowed, to notice.
Melissa had her hair up in a messy bun, her old pair of glasses hanging in the middle of her nose, and a dark red dress on that stole the breath from your lungs.
The material was soft, with satin-like finish, puffy long sleeves, a square neckline that showed her cleavage to perfection and a skirt that hit her a few inches above her knees.
Nervously, her hands tried to smooth over the creases formed on the dress by her belly.
“Maybe I could wear some spanks” she sighed. “It’s too tight, right?” She turned back to where the phone was, asking you directly.
For a few seconds, you struggled to think of something other than ‘uh’ to say. Melissa is stunning and, in those moments, you wished you’d been braver back when you’d had the chance. Maybe, she’d be asking Barbara this, getting ready as a surprise for you, not for somebody else. 
In a breath, you swallowed that feeling, locking it away with all the ones of its kind, somewhere deep, deep in your soul.
“Hun? It’s too tight, isn’t it? Who the fuck do I think I am trying on something like this.” She’d taken your silence as disapproval, and if she only knew you’d only want to see that off of her if you’d taken it out yourself…
“Shut up, will you?” You finally said. “It’s gorgeous, it looks awesome on you.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s the nicest one of the bunch.”
“I don’t know if I have spanks short enough for it, though. And I need something to get this under control.” She pushed her belly in again, and it enraged you.
“Anyone who doesn’t find that hot is not someone you should listen to.” You said, holding back the rant that always appeared on the tip of your tongue when she said shit like this.
Honestly, the struggle of straight men to like women is mind-boggling.
“You might just be too gay for this.” Melissa snorted, going into her drawer in search of the spanks.
“Well, fuck you very much.”
She barked out a laugh, and you let go of your phone to stir the food you were cooking, glad for a break from the glory of the woman you did not love like that.
Which is yet another reason why this isn’t ideal.
You don’t really care for Valentine's Day, but on the morning of the 14th, Melissa had seemed off. You tried touching on the subject while you two got coffee, as weak as Abbott’s brew always was, however, Gary walked in in all of his mustached glory and her attention immediately shifted to him.
He’s her boyfriend, it’s Valentine's Day, it was only logical.
She gave him hint after hint, pushed her shoulders a bit back, highlighting her breasts just slightly, cocked her hips some while leaning against the sink, licked her lips more than usual, everything to get an ounce of attention back. The absolute idiot fussed over the vending machine, mumbled a few words to her, eyes not even moving in her direction, before leaving with a “see ya later” tossed behind him.
The look that had taken over her face then had made your heart sink.
“He’s been like this all week.” She said during lunch break in your car. “Barbara thinks he might be planning something, says he’s not cheating, but I don’t know… I tried fooling myself with getting the perfect outfit, getting my hair and my nails done, but he hasn’t mentioned any plans, and he’s been so fucking distant, he doesn’t even seem like himself. And I really can’t handle another Joe situation.” Taking the last bite of the Shepard’s pie you’d brought her, she leaned her head against the rest.
To nearly everybody else here, she shows her angry, reactive, gray side. It’s easier for her, something that still makes her an outcast, but firmly protects her inner-self. But some magical, all-powerful, incredible being out there had made it so you were the one she chose to show her other side to, the one that is not always confident, not in her worth or her looks or her ability as a teacher.
The one that loves so intensely it scares her, and the one that has so many scars she spends half her time trying to heal them, or, at the very least, stop them from bleeding all over the place and being visible to the outside world.
“What do you think?” She said, bringing you back to the inside of your 2010s Honda. “You’ve always been better at these things.”
“Do I think he’s cheating on you?”
She nodded.
“Well, first of all, if he is, he is an absolute deepshit who doesn’t know how to count his blessing for you even giving him the time of day.”
You looked into her eyes while you said it, and she turned her head after, staring at the Tupperware in her hands. You thought you saw a blush creeping up on her cheeks.
“But I don’t think he is. Hey, maybe he’s just seen Valentine’s Day for what it is!” You nudged her arm with the back of your hand. “Maybe you’re the one who has to get on board.”
She relented a smile then, but it didn’t last.
“Mel, I think you’ll just have to ride this one out. Wait until the end of the day, so then you can actually have a conversation with him. If he really forgot or if there’s really something wrong, you’ll find out, but, honestly, me? I think he might just have some goofy-ass surprise planned.”
Melissa nodded while keeping her gaze out the window.
There’s a beat, then another, and you thought perhaps you’d convinced her, and she was only taking some time to absorb it.
“You know, you may not feel lonely with this kind of stuff, but…” She paused, voice tired, heart bearing all those tender scars, “I think I’m more like Janine than I’d thought.”
So, hm, this isn’t ideal.
You’d be damned if you let a man who didn’t realize the one in a million he had found ruin Melissa’s day.
Even if Valentine’s Day was traumatic for you, even if it was silly and forced and the world would be better off without it, Melissa was Melissa, and she deserved everything she wanted out of life. You’d thought Gary would see it, but if he didn’t, it’s up to you, even with all your emotional limitations.
So you wrote a little card. Nothing much, just made out of a fancier piece of purple paper you’d had lying around the classroom, with a heart-sticker you’d found at the bottom of your purse decorating the front page. Inside, the note wasn’t all that special, just enough for her to know she would never be alone. That you loved her. That she’d always have you, even if one day she didn’t have anyone else. That she’s your favorite, and if she wanted to, you’d take her out for dinner yourself.
As a friend, of course. Truly.
The fact she made your chest inflate and your pressure drop and a flock of butterflies run a full marathon in your stomach were not things that were included.
After sending the students home, saying goodbye to everyone else (Gregory and his Legos, Janine and her designer bag she knew nothing about, Ava and her many flings and Jacob and his slam poetry), you’d walked to the lounge, where you’d seen Barb and Mel walking towards only a few minutes earlier.
On the way there, you’d seen a bouquet of gerberas discarded on the hallway floor. You’d wondered if a poor kid had gotten broken up with on that day of all days, or if the bouquet held any card of its own. You’d picked it up, deciding to bring it to the compost pile later.
You hadn’t realized how it looked until it had been too late.
“Hey, Mel, I have something for…” You’d started, rounding the corner to enter the room.
“I love you too.” She’d said, looking into Gary’s eyes. In a split second, you’d registered there was something off about her voice, something lacking.
And now here you are, in this less than ideal situation.
All three look at you, standing in the doorway with a card and flowers, calling after another person’s girlfriend. Shit.
“What do you have for her?” Gary’s hand tightens on her waist just so.
So, yeah. Not fucking ideal.
“Hey, look at that. I uh…actually forgot the… ah… The book I was lending you.” You mumble. Spinning on your heels, you walk as fast as humanly possible without breaking into a sprint.
Stupid-ass, invented, asinine holiday.
******
You’re more than half-way through a bottle of Merlot when your doorbell rings.
“Fucking finally!” You shout, jumping from your couch, your belly clenching painfully. Opening up your front door, though, your shoulders drop. “You’re not Postmates.”
“No, I am not. You know what else I also am not? Enjoying this beautiful night with my husband.” Barbara floods you with words, walking past you into the living room.
“Why is that, exactly?” And maybe you’re starting to get drunk, because she seems furious with you, and you can’t remember the last time that ever happened.
“Because I cannot possibly enjoy what was supposed to be a romantic moment with Gerald when I get a desperate phone call from my best friend’s partner asking me if I know where she is.”
It’s too many words too fast, so you sit back down and blink hard, trying to focus.
“What are you talking about?”
“Gary called me. He doesn’t know where Melissa is.”
Melissa. Suddenly, the reason you’d started drinking comes back to you. Shit. Shit shit shit.
“Have you seen her?” Barbara seems to take pity on you, be it for your drunkenness or the way your face scrunches up at the name.
“Not since this afternoon, no. What happened?”
“Gary says she went after you, came back in a different mood. Then they got into an argument in the middle of dinner, because she didn’t seem to be enjoying it, which is strange considering she spent the day worrying he wouldn’t do anything special, as we both know.” She sits down on the futon in front of you. “He says she broke up with him right then and there, and left.”
What?
“What?”
“I don’t understand it either. What did you say to her in the hallway?”
“Nothing, I didn’t talk to her in the hallway, or at all.”
Barbara looks away, shaking her head with an incredulous smile on her lips.
“You two are… God forgive me, but infuriating.” She turns back, sighing. “Did she text you? I’ve called and called, but she hasn���t picked up. She’s not at her house, either.”
“I don’t know.” You pull your phone from the middle of the cushions. “It’s been on focus mode the whole night, I only got notifications for my food.”
“Can you try her? Maybe she’ll pick up if it’s you.”
“You’re starting to freak me out.”
“Yes, well, at least we’ll be on the same page.”
The line rings three times before going to voicemail. Then, there’s someone pressing your doorbell again. Your stomach aches.
Again, not Postmates.
“You’re an asshole!” It’s the first thing out of Melissa’s mouth. As the second person today pushes her way into your home, Barbara jumps up from her seat.
“You’re alive, you’re whole?” She turns Melissa over, taking advantage of the woman’s confusion at seeing her here. “Are you stupidly drunk?”
“Uh… No. Why…”
“Are you going to make any decisions that might land you in jail?”
“No.”
“Thank you, Jesus!” Barbara shouts, letting go of the redhead, lifting her hands in praise, and walking to the door. “Please, resolve your issues and let me have my steak in peace. I’ll call your boy-“ She looks Melissa over. “I’ll call Gary, let him know you’re okay. Goodbye. Also, you’re both on probation until further notice.”
She closes the door behind her with a bang, and the two of you are left alone, staring at each other.
Her make-up is smudged, as if she’d been crying, and that beautiful, beautiful red dress shines under the light. The vision worries you at the same time it sets the butterflies off.
Once more, with feeling: this is not ideal.
It feels like forever goes by, just like this, with neither of you moving or speaking or looking away.
Until she unclenches her fist, and you see your card, the one you’d lost on your rush to leave.
“You couldn’t have picked a better moment?” Melissa asks, placing the piece of paper on your entrance table. Her anger, so explosive moments ago, is low and dangerous now, simmering with the hurt in her eyes.
“Listen, I know how it looked-“
“Any other moment.” She keeps going, incapable of stopping now that she’s started. “Maybe one of the endless times when we sat on that fucking couch watching those boring movies you like. Or… Or maybe one of the nights when we spent hours pouring over project ideas or education strategies. Or really any other time before I made the decision to move on.”
Her heart is there, right in front of you, in the tears that drown the gorgeous green of her irises. Somehow, you feel like this is the cataclysm of thoughts and words and feelings you had both held back for years. 
“What?” You mumble for the second time tonight.
“I found every excuse in the book to avoid this, to avoid looking for someone else. And some of it was true, really. Joe did a number on me, which you know – which is why that just hurt worse.” She points to the card, bent in half and slightly crumbled. “But most of it was crap, and I knew it was crap, but I convinced myself it wasn’t because you weren’t ready, but you are amazing, and maybe it was better to wait just a little longer to see if you ever got your shit together, if you ever got over what that ex of yours did. But you never, ever did.”
“Melissa, the flowers…”
“Yeah, gerberas, my favorites, I know. That was a nice touch. You probably knew he wouldn’t remember that detail.”
“No, Mel, I didn’t buy them.” You step forward, past the table, close enough to reach out and touch her arm, if you were brave enough. You never are.
“What, are you gonna tell me you grew them too?” She snorts, humorlessly. “You know, the worst part is that you encouraged me. You told me to go after him, to let him woo me. Even this morning! You told me to wait for him, just to pull this crap.”
She raises her hand, wipes her eyes, and Christ, what the hell have you done?
She breathes in, and it would be wondrous if it weren’t terrifying, how she puts her heart away, takes the part reserved just for you to see and hides it from view.
“I’ve been in love with you for longer than I know, and this whole time you’ve been leading me on, never really letting me go, no, but still pushing me away.”
In love you with you. In love you with you.
I’ve been in love with you for longer than I know.
It reverberates inside your brain as if an echo in a museum. In love with you.
The person who lights up your days without a fail, the woman who’s made every single potential partner pale in comparison, a staple in your life so important that the mere thought of risking something that could make you lose her had forced you to bury all warm and fuzzy feelings. That woman. This woman. Melissa. Your Melissa. In love with you.
You feel your past is too broken to believe her, but still the thought of her being this hurt is unacceptable.
“Mel, I didn’t write the card to steal you away.”
You risk it now, because you feel her slipping through your fingers, and not seeing her heart when she looks into your eyes makes you feel the loneliest you ever have. You risk reaching over, placing one hand on each of her upper arms. The fabric there is so soft it surprises you.
She flinches, but allows it.
“Just to keep me from giving up, right?”
“You know me better than that.” You try, throat tight. You damn sure hope she does. “I wrote it because you seemed really hurt, and just in case Gary messed up, I wanted you to know you at least had me. You’ll always have me.”
She shakes her head, eyes welling up again.
“What a great pal you are.” Melissa whispers.
“I found the fucking flowers on the floor, I was gonna take them to the trash.” You lose your patience for a split second, because maybe you were tactless, but this is a bit too far, even for such a stubborn woman.
She raises a brow.
“I’m not trying to cover my ass.”
“’You’re the person I think about the most’” She quotes the card. “Did you mean that?”
“Of course.” You say without a thought.
“As a friend?” She challenges.
No. Yes. Maybe. It’s on the tip of your tongue.
If you risk this next step, will you lose her eventually? Like you have every other woman you have loved like this? Will you lose yet another person, yet another soul you feel you can rest beside?
You let your hands travel down slightly.
“Mostly.” She breaks eye contact, frowning. “I cherish our friendship so much, Melissa. But part of me wanted to say more. To say things that weren’t purely platonic. I didn’t mean to steer you around.” You sigh. This is… a lot. “I want to see you happy, Mel. More than anything in the world, you deserve that. And I just felt like allowing myself to feel all those things for you would jeopardize that. You’re an explosive, hot-headed, weird, outlaw Italian with a great mind and a huge, huge heart, and you’re definitely too good for me.”
She shakes her head again, but looking at those amazing, gorgeous, breathtaking green orbs, you find a glimpse of that other side of hers, even if the tears are still there, hiding underneath the surface.
“Today, I only wanted to make sure you would be okay. And I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. I truly didn’t want to ruin that moment for you.” Finally, you reach her hands, and she holds yours back. You fit. “And I have only ever encouraged you to go out there because I really believe you deserve to have the fullest life you can possibly have, and that’s probably with someone… less damaged. Someone good and kind. Someone like Gary.”
Melissa mumbles to herself in Italian.
Forse sarebbe più facile.
“But I don’t love Gary.” She says simply, in English, relaxing into your touch, sending your blood pressure through the roof.
I’ve been in love with you for longer than I know.
“I know.” You say.
You had seen it in her eyes when she’d returned his declaration earlier, the emptiness, the masking, the guilt for lying. She wanted to love him so badly.
She’d looked at you back then and, for a split second, before the confusion and embarrassment that had followed, she’d seemed relieved, as if saying there’s the one who sees me. And something more.
Now, the something more is clearer.
“I know you’re scared.” She whispers again. “And you always, always try to protect me from these things. Never when I get myself mixed up with family business or get into fights…”
“Well, I trust your right hook for that.” You can’t help yourself. She snorts very, very softly, and maybe there’s hope yet.
“But you always try to keep me safe from this, even from you.” Melissa lets go of one your hands, placing a palm against your cheek. Oh, so that’s what it means to have a heart attack. “But I have never, ever, been afraid of your baggage, you jackass.” The spark of defiance that flashes through her expression pulls a smile from you.
If someone had asked you yesterday if this happening was something you thought possible, you’d have laugh them out of the room.
“I just wish you’d given me that god-damn card before I’d wasted this dress on somebody else and had broken a man’s heart for nothing.”
“Poor Gary,” you whisper.
“Yeah… Poor Gary.”
So, perhaps it’s not ideal, with the tears and heartache and being on Barb’s bad side, but she leans up on her tip toes, squeezing your hand, palm migrating down to hold your neck, and despite not being ideal, it does feel oddly right.
“I don’t give a fuck if you hate Valentine’s Day and you think this is corny. You better kiss me before I lose my nerve, or I swear to…”
For the first time in your adult life, you forgo your mind, trying something with risks that may far outweigh the good. With a tug, you pull her in, leaning down, breath catching in your throat when your lips connect, and you find you don’t give two shits about the risks.
Heaven.
Of course, your doorbell rings not five seconds later. Fucking Postmates.
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Retribution (The Kidxf!Reader) - Monkey Man
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A/N: I said I was writing it and it has been done lol If you haven’t watched this film yet, please do! I indulged and wrote a small fic about it lol (Don't mind the abyssmal pacing of this, I barely edited and added anything) I hope you all enjoy it and can someone please indulge me more by writing more fics about this man!? Dev Patel absolutely killed it! Put him in a rom-com! I tried to write the hijra with as much care as possible. Please let me know if there’s something I can be more educated on in terms of this!
Synopsis: A mysterious man arrives at the temple you call home and makes quite an impression.
Warnings/ Tags: Angst. Fluff. Allusions to sex work. Descriptions of violence and blood. Coarse language. Kissing.
Word Count: 3.2K
Masterlist
The cheers of those around you interrupt the hanging of your laundry.
Peeking through the shoulders and the shadows, you sneak a glance at the subject of commotion, and it doesn’t surprise you.
The way he moves is equal parts graceful and aggressive. His punches are meticulously messy, a choreographed war drum thrumming to the beat of his own heart. This man is far removed from who you remember gazing upon a few days ago. His eyes were lost, sunken, like a child looking for guidance or divine judgement for all that’s led him to this point.
This was not that man.
This man was vengeance personified.
And through him, you felt hope.
You knew nothing about him. Alpha was able to garner all of your help, quietly and quickly instructing to pull the man out of the river. You were there when they cauterized his wounds. His screams were pure agony, making you cringe, and somehow you felt that his pain went deeper than physicality.
He walked like a ghost when he first came, aimlessly walking, like trying to just bump into something that would give him an answer.
Now, it seems he walks with purpose.
He throws his last punch and receives a mighty applause. The crowd recognizes the show’s over for the time being and they disperse as he keeps heaving, staring at the bag like he wants to hit it more. Like he never wants to stop.
You pick up a basket and walk over to him. Whether to strike up a proper conversation or feeling annoyed at the dirtied shirt on the ground you had just washed, you don’t exactly know. But something about him is magnetic, pulling you in, just like the first time you saw him that night, all bloody and bruised.
You nod at his white shirt. “I’ll take that.”
He breaks from his spell and turns to look at you.
His heaving slows, his breaths getting deeper by the second. For what you think is a few minutes, he just stares are you, and you at him, both of you taking each other in. You realize his physique really is something to awe over, but more importantly, that his eyes are far gentler than what you thought possible.
You tilt your head. “The shirt?”
He bends and picks up the white cloth, simply extending it to you as he continues to stare. You gesture for him to drop it into the basket. With an amused scoff, you start to turn away. “I’d appreciate it if you hung the next shirt you tore off on a wall.”
“Your name?”
His voice surprises you. You’ve only heard him speak a few times before. He sounds rough, and scratchy, like he doesn’t use his voice often.
You introduce yourself and after a few moments, he repeats your name back to you. Slowly, quietly, as if he’s scared of offending you in any way. Listening to it fall from his lips is like listening to dripping honey and you’d be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t make heat crawl up your neck.
To save face, you again start to walk away from him. “Widen your stance.” You advise, not waiting to hear a reply.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Several days pass until you have another full conversation.
You’re caught up with mundane chores. He’s caught up with punching that bag and doing god knows what else when he’s not at the temple.
Though there was that one time you almost slip and he catches you effortlessly by the waist and it definitely made your stomach flutter.
You smile the first time you depart to wash laundry and see his shirt hanging over a nearby wall.
He’s getting better. His posture looks strong, immovable. Sometimes you think with all that’s happened to him, that he must be invincible. Surely, no one can lose that much blood and still maintain their sanity.
But then you see his movements wain by the end of his exercise and it’s like something powerful overcomes him as he loses all finesse and he punches that rice-filled bag for all its worth with no rhyme or reason. You sense his frustration as he suddenly stops and puts his hand on his hips, breathing erratically.
You approach him cautiously. Pulling out a bottle of water from your laundry basket, you offer it to him. “Consider taking a break?”
He’s slow to take the bottle from you but he does so anyway. After almost draining the whole thing, he splashes the rest of the water over his head. Only as he shakes the droplets off his curly locks does he try to return it to you.
“An actual break.” You reiterate, stuffing the bottle of water back into your basket. “Your drummer needs one too. He might have built up his callouses, but he should eat something.”
The man turns to look where your eyes are directed and though you don’t have a clear view of his face, you can tell from the way that his eyebrows ease that he feels a sense of guilt. The drummer simply raises his palm and stands. “Take some time to clear your head, I’ll be here whenever you have.” He leaves the courtyard until it’s just the two of you left.
The weather is oddly cool today. There’s smoke and a mugginess that’s expected from being close to the heart of the city, but if you were to look around, it’d almost seem like you were transported decades into the past. The temple acts like a sanctuary, shielding you all from the outside world’s noise and it does a good job.
You walk towards a small wooden bench off to the far side and take a seat. You set your basket down and pat the space next to you. “Come,” You beckon “I’d appreciate some company while I fold all of these white shirts I’ve had to add to my load.”’
Something like embarrassment flashes on his face as he follows your command and sits right next to you. His posture is stiff like he wants to make an impression. It’s obvious your newfound companion doesn’t like to talk, or more accurately, isn’t very good at starting small conversation.
“I’m sorry for the bother.”
He has a tone of bashfulness, unable to turn in your direction. Your smile widens as you continue to fold “I didn’t say it was bothersome.” You refute. “In fact, I’d rather say I don’t mind you taking your shirt off.”
You try to make direct eye contact then, but he swallows thickly and doesn’t meet your eyes. It makes you giggle, but you decide to pull back on the joke, not wanting him to take offence or cause him more uneasiness. “Besides, each shirt is a testament to how much work you’ve put into bettering your skills here.”
That gets him to scoff and drop his head in disbelief “I’m still not where I need to be.”
“No,” you reply earnestly “but you will be.”
This earns you another bout of silence.
 For a while, you both just enjoy each other’s quiet company. He stares blankly ahead and you give him the time to examine whatever it is he’s battling through in his own thoughts.
Eventually, he sighs and inclines his head towards the sky. “How long have you lived here?”
“Ever since I could remember.”  You answer honestly. “Alpha says they opened the door and there I was, miraculously alive, left laying on a dirty blanket.”
“You’ve been here ever since?” He carefully asks.
“I’ve never lived anywhere else if that’s what you’re asking.” You pass an unfolded shirt to him and to your surprise he starts to fold it with no question. Bitter memories start to glaze your view. “And for someone as uneducated as me, there’s only a few jobs out there that I’d be considered for as a woman.”
A knowing silence passes through you both at the statement. Yatana was unforgiving. A real dog-eat-dog society with no time or need for those who couldn’t stomach it or keep up. Truth be told, most of the time you couldn’t. Very often would a prostitute or child be pounding on your doors for help or asylum. Hungry, beaten, thrown away like a speck of dust not worth anyone’s time.
“Doesn’t it make you angry?”
You’re unphased by the question. “Of course it does.”
And you mean it. There are days when you scream at the sky or dunk your head slightly longer underwater to try and get away from it all, try to release it in some way.
Eyes still trained to the sky; he confesses “Because that’s all I feel. Anger and pain, and I can’t-“ he struggles to finish his words. “I can’t-‘
“I know.”
That makes him look back down and finally turn in your direction. He patiently expects you to explain.
 You swallow thickly but continue to talk anyway. “To feel helpless, like you can’t do anything no matter how hard you try.” Gritting your teeth, you realize your hands have stopped folding. “But it doesn’t matter, because there are people who need me more strongly than the pain I feel.”
He considers your words thoughtfully and waits for you to speak once more. “Amidst all this chaos, this temple stands. People need me here. Children, mothers, the beautiful hijra who gave me a home, and when they leave this place with the tiniest glimpse of hope on their faces, then I know I’ve done my job. I don’t fight as well as the hijra here, I don’t expect to get much better, but I want them to know that they have refuge with me.”
You pass him an unfolded sari and for the rest of the time you are sitting together, you both fold quietly, basking in the sun and each other’s presence.
He continues to train harder after that. Each step is quick, each punch as sharp as a bullet. When he isn’t training, he’s watching. The news, the protests, the speeches, like he’s reassuring himself, learning the best way to approach.
 It’s obvious everyone here, including you is taken with this stranger. Though, you don’t really know if you could even call him that anymore.
It’s like he seeks you out. It doesn’t matter if it’s simply sitting together for dinner or him deliberately waiting for you to walk through the courtyard with your basket under your arm. Both of your eyes are trained on each other with an eager sheen.
Maybe it’s fear or maybe it's an understanding that your pairing would most likely never work out in the end. Either way, whatever it is, it disappoints you because you so badly want to believe he wants you the same way.
The mood becomes slightly flirtatious and you catch sight of a boyish grin here or there, especially when he’s surrounded by the hijra.
But anytime you think he might ask you something, or just when you’re on the cusp of telling him your interest, something stops you in your tracks, holding you back.
A recollection plays in your head of last night.
It’s just him and the drummer again today. You wait near a dark window before you pass so as to not to disturb his concentration.
He has a beat to the way he fights, a brutal rhythm, and it astounds you every time you watch him. If this is how he looks punching a bag, you wonder how he’d look fighting against others. You find the thought oddly attractive, and it makes you flush.
For all his skill in the ring, it seems that’s where all his artistry in footwork stops. Surrounded by laughing and beaming faces, with the sound of softer drumming in the air, everyone takes a turn dancing. No one cared about how sloppy anyone was. You sure weren’t the best dancer amongst the hijras, but this seemed unsubstantial when you were all drunk on each other’s company.
The children present that evening and you form a small circle. You’re swinging your arms around when you notice your mystery man with a smile of his own. It knocks the air out of your lungs. It’s one that gives him crinkles around his eyes and all at once he doesn’t look like a hardened killer, but someone you’d see on a billboard or a magazine cover.
You crook your finger at him, inviting him into your little dance number. He tries to politely decline, his once beaming face turning something sheepish, but Alpha bumps him shoulder to shoulder, and soon the rest of them urge and tease him to dance along. When he gets to the center begrudgingly, it’s already too late for him to back out. Two children start to pull him until he lands directly opposite of you.
The circle of your intertwined hands spins, it twirls here and there, and when you all raise your hands to shrink the circle, you land face-to-face with the most fascinating man you’ve ever seen. It lasts all of five seconds, but everything around you dims as you look at this man’s face illuminated by firelight.
His eyes are his most emotive feature and they always seem to twinkle. Right then, they almost looked like jewels from the way they glossed over.
You pick up on the way those eyes slowly dipped down towards your lips and suddenly you wonder if he’s thinking about the same things you are. If he really does want you the same way you do.
But before you can tumble into that path of thought, cheers and hoots pull you out of the little bubble of enchantment you’d created. You turn to reject the idea of it all, but when you glance back at the man in front of you, your breath catches.
He continues to stare intently at your visage, not minding or caring about the extra attention one bit.
And then a scream erupts in your ears.
Seeing him punch the bag until rice grains stick to his chest reminds you of what he’s capable of.
When he shares a nod with the drummer, you know that he’s finally achieved what he came here at the temple to do.
Dropping your basket, you immediately rush indoors, following the cries of the hijra around you. Lakshmi lays in the center of the temple room floor, blood dripping from them like a fountain. You crouch and gently put their head on your knees as the weeps continue all around you.
They explain that they put a notice on the door, Shakti’s men, and all you can see is an unbridled tint of red starting to form. Your heart is pounding, Lakshmi is struggling to fight for air, and in front of this statue, an indescribable wave of pain crashes into you.
It’s loud, far too loud. With your thoughts, the cries, the blood staining your shirt.
Your one hand on the floor clenches into a fist. You try to remind yourself that you can be better, that there must be something more to all of this than just pray, than to just keep taking what they serve like impotent little ants. The hopelessness starts to creep in, slowly etching itself into your thoughts.
But before it can take hold, you distinguish a face in the shadows. It’s observing as everything around you starts to crumble and in that moment you try to push all that anger onto him as you directly glare into his soul.
And when you see him break open the donation box much later during the humid night, you know you’ve put your faith into the right person.
He tries to leave as silently as he came, but you meet him at the entrance. He holds a crude, dirty children’s bag and you can only assume that’s where he’s keeping the money.
He tries to explain, but you start to approach him which stops his needless rambling. In an act of boldness, you grab his hand in yours and flip it to look clearly at his scars. If he’s uncomfortable, he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t even flinch.
“Alpha was right.” You agree. “You do have the hands of a warrior”
You enclose his hand between yours, putting it up against your lips. “I wonder how such gentle hands fight with such ferocity.”
He starts to twitch and as you loosen your grip, expecting him to pull back, he instead cups the side of your face and despite his scarred calloused hands, his touch is pure velvet. His thumb brushes the tears you didn’t notice were starting to fall freely down your cheek.
Please, you pray. Whatever it takes.
“Fight for me.” You croak thickly. “Fight for all of us.”
He clenches his jaw. “I promise you.”
You pull him towards you by grasping his neck and your lips meet in the middle. The kiss is like him. Equal parts sweet as it is harsh. His lips were warm and soft, but the urgency in the way you both kissed each other was anything but. You bury your hand into his hair and feel his curls unmake themselves even further. His smell of soap and sage infiltrates your senses.
It was a dizzying feeling. It’s what you felt while you were dancing exploded ten-fold. It was the culmination of tension and grief exploding into something technicolour. As your noses bump against each other, you think you want to draw more of this kindness from this man.
Your breathing quickens and he groans into your mouth. It’s almost like you two are fighting. With each other, against each other, for each other. Exploring this hungry need has only made you more insatiable.  
And that becomes particularly dangerous, especially when you know he has a job to do.
Reluctantly you pull back. His eyes stay closed and you press your foreheads together, listening to the crackles of the torches around you. “Your emotions are strong.” You quietly whisper. “But do not let them control you. Let them guide you.”
He blinks his eyes open, full of clarity.
Letting each other go hesitantly, you take one last look at him and he at you. “Come back to me,” you say with all the confidence you can muster.
You can tell you’re both skeptical about your claim, but he nods his head anyway. He walks around you and you don’t turn to look at him leave for fear of wanting to hold him back. You hear the creak of the door, but before he can take another step away from you, you mumble “Give them Hell.”
There’s a slight pause before you start to hear the crunching of the ground beneath him, each step lighter than the last until you can no longer hear him creeping into the night.
Please, you pray. Whatever it takes.
- - - - - -
When you see the money-filled bag hanging on the statue the next day, it’s attached with a note.
His presence overflows through your every pore.
Alpha looks at you with a determined expression on their face, as do the other hijra around them.
It seems they don’t just want repayment, they want a reckoning.
They want retribution.
- - - - - -
A/N: Please let me know what you think by leaving a note, comment, or reblog! Or we can just geek out about Monkey Man lol I definitely won’t be opposed to that lol
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cvntyworld · 2 days
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wasteland survival guide ( maximus )
summary: you didn't trust easy, but the unconscious man on your porch was way too pretty to let die, and you were way too curious as to why someone from that cult known as the brotherhood would have collapsed on your door in need of help and expecting you to help was an even more insane point of view.
contents: usual fallout shenanigans, violence, gore, black cat and golden retriever energy, max has a tooth lodged in his shoulder like he does in the show, reader pointed a gun at max, awkward tensions as max doesn't know what tf he's doing, fast burn, kissing, ect...
dedicated to: @fallout-girl219
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You've learned two things about the man who you found collapsed on your front porch, his name is Maximus, Max for short, and he was a part of the brotherhood of steel, a cult, in your honest opinion.
Why you had helped him, you still weren't sure about that just yet, maybe it was the fact he was in the way and you would have to step over him every time you entered your house or exited it. You would have to listen to his cries of complaint, desperate for help as his sleeve became a red stain from the wound in his arm. So you decided to help, for once, you had plenty of stim packs and he would get better in no time with one of them. You had dragged him inside pathetically, nearly tripping on the final step when you finally got him into your house.
He had a tooth lodged in his shoulder, rotten and yellow, you had removed it with tweezers and stuck the needle from the stim pack into the open wound and then after seconds, he had woken up with a jolt whilst you turned your back for a mere second, too busy shoving the box back into your cabinet and locking it.
You had heard the thump and turned sharply, your gun pointed at the man who had fallen off your coach with a painful groan, clutching his arm as he sat up and stared at you with a look of worry when he saw the gun you're pointing right at his head. He held his hands up, as you continued to point your weapon, "If I lower this, you're not gonna try anything stupid, are you?" He shakes his head, staring widely as you lowered the gun and in turn held out your hand for him to take, he was surprised at your strength, managing to get him onto his feet with a single pull of his hand.
He was suddenly in your space and so you step back, a little cautious of his taller frame, he could win a fight if he'd chosen to be hostile, but instead he had held out a hand for you to shake to which you agreed. "Thanks for uhh... not letting me die on your porch." He says with a wave of awkwardness in his tone, "I'm Max, Maximus." You let go of his hand with a shrug, "I'm Y/N." You were quick to reply, and he nodded at you with a smile.
"Well, thank you, Y/N, for your hospitality... You don't get a lot of that these days, especially towards brotherhood of steel members." You shrug at him dismissively, sitting down on your worn out couch, "I'm not the biggest fan, no offence, but, I'm not that cruel, I wouldn't leave your ass to bleed out in my yard." He tried to laugh, but your dislike towards the brotherhood made him frown with a look of disappointment. "I don't mean to pry but why do you dislike them? Surely there's a reason." You shrug out of laziness, and turn to face him, "Well, for one, it is such a cult full of military wannabes who think they're gonna save the world or something like that when what they're actually doing is making shit ten times worse." Max was taken aback by your words, sure there were a few truths to your words but the first point made him forget what else had been said so far.
"The brotherhood isn't a cult."
The two of you grew silent, Max had a frown on his face, offended at your words, and then after fully letting it sink in what he had said, you laughed. Your lungs burned out from the breaths you inhaled, trying to get air as you had continued to laugh at his reaction and his words and the man in front of you went even further to prove how you'd offended him by crossing his arms. "What's so funny?" Is the first thing he asks when you finally calm down and it finally makes you turn to him with a shrug, "Most people who are in a cult usually don't know they're in one." Max's lips part to speak and then he falters, "That's a very good point but the brotherhood still isn't a cult."
"It definitely is." You reply bored, "No, it isn't!" He fires at you with an annoyance. "You know, considering I saved your life, the least you can do is agree with me." You're aware he's becoming a little annoyed by you disagreeing with him and so he stands up, "I'm gonna go now." You nod at him, "That would be great, thank you!"
He hovers in place, "I'm leaving now!" He says but still is unmoving, looking rather unsure when you crossed your arms and raised a brow at him, "The doors right there, I'd see you out but I gotta clean this blood off my couch." At your words, Max frowns and glances at the door, "I'll get going then!" He moves a few steps towards the door and then pauses when you scoff, "You've yet to get out of my house, you lost your sense of direction, pal?"
"Can I kiss you?" He asks randomly, "Excuse me?" You're quick to ask with a raised brow. "Can I kiss you?" He asks again, this time a little more awkwardly. "Thought there's some sort of rule in your cult, no sex before marriage or something like that?" He shakes his head, "We're allowed but the brotherhood doesn't exactly allow girls to join us back at base, it's forbidden." He explains and then stares at you suddenly with wide eyes, "Oh, my god, it is a cult!" He exclaims and you laugh breathily, "Told you so..." Max takes a step closer to you now, toe to toe, as he looks at you softly, "Can I still kiss you, even though I'm in a cult?" He asks unsurely and you answer by pressing your soft lips to his, catching him off guard as he suddenly rocked back onto his heels slightly when you parted your lips, a grin on your features at his flustered face, "That answer your question?"
"Yes, yes it does."
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seramilla · 23 hours
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carmilla introducing vaggie to her girls. misscarriage
Carmilla: girls, theres someone i want you to meet
Clara: moma, we already know vaggie
Carmilla: si, but im introducing her as your sister
clara passed money over to odette: told you itd take less than a year for her to adopt her
carmilla: not quite adoption, remember when we died i was pregnant?
Odette and Clara return to the compound later that evening, filthy and covered in grime from a full day of excavating angelic weapons. They can't believe the sheer number left behind this time. Thanks to Charlie and the others at the hotel, there were more angelic bodies than Sinners; carrying not only weapons, but covered in armor. The sisters are tired but excited to get back to work the next day, to dig into the secrets their discoveries may uncover, and see what they can create from them.
After cleaning up, they notice the building is surprisingly quiet. Carmilla said she had work to do, and would wait up for them. The dark expanse of the warehouse is eerie, and their footsteps echo as they make their way to Carmilla's makeshift apartment on the second floor. They can see from the lights in the doorway that she's still awake; or at least still there, so they can tell her what they'd found. Upon opening the door, however, the two quickly realize their mother isn't alone. It's that girl...Charlie's partner. Vaggie. Sitting at their mother's side, Carmilla's hand on her knee, talking like they've known each other for years.
Carmilla is...smiling. And so is Vaggie. Odette and Clara stop in the doorway, staring at the two, puzzled, until they are noticed. Carmilla and Vaggie immediately stop talking when they see their visitors; Vaggie even shifts away a little, embarrassed. Carmilla stands abruptly, rubbing the back of her head with her claws awkwardly, but ultimately gesturing toward her daughters to come in.
"Girls," Carmilla says, a little catch in her voice. "Welcome back. You've met Vaggie, haven't you?"
"Yeah," Clara says, as she and Odette enter and shut the door behind them. "We met when we delivered that custom order to the snake man at the hotel. How's the weapon working, by the way?"
"Umm..." Vaggie flinches a little when Clara brings up Sir Pentious. She has such a look of profound sadness on her face at the mention of him, like she wants to cry. There's such a drastic change in the angel's demeanor, Odette awkwardly clears her throat and tries to change the subject.
"You're that angel that's dating Charlie, right? How are you feeling? Are you recovering okay? You had such a nasty scrape with the Exterminators."
"Oh! Yes," Vaggie says, seemingly surprised Odette would ask how she’s doing. “I’m doing a lot better, thank you. Charlie’s been taking care of me. And, uh...Carm--your mom, too.”
Vaggie’s voice is so much smaller and softer than either Odette or Clara remember. She’d been so full of energy and authority at the hotel; directing all the residents and keeping them out of trouble. It’s surprising this is the same woman in front of them now, acting all meek and mild in front of their mother. Hadn't she challenged her just several days prior? What happened since then?
"You've sure been spending a lot of time with Mama lately," Clara says, putting voice to the obvious. It's not so much an accusation, as an observation. There's no suspicion or malice in Clara's voice, just a lilt of a...question? Odette's thinking the same thing, if she's honest. Carmilla's been spending a lot of time with the angel. She doesn't mind, but...she also can't escape the feeling that something else is going on. Something she's not being told.
"Did you adopt her or something, Mom?" Odette asks, chuckling, trying to lower the tension building in the room. "She's strong. We could always use an extra hand around here."
The silence that permeates the space at her comment shocks Odette to her very core. Suddenly, both Vaggie's and her mother's eyes spike open, like Odette just mentioned someone had died. The change in their demeanor is palpable. Vaggie turns away, as if she's unable to look at the sisters anymore. Carmilla stutters again, trying to find her voice. She's been doing that a lot lately, where Vaggie is concerned. Carmilla can't seem to find the words to explain, and Odette and Clara don't know the right questions to get answers out of her.
"What? What did I say?" Odette looks at her mother, concerned. Carmilla looks like she's about to cry.
"It's not like that, mija," Carmilla says, unconvincingly. Oh shit, Odette notices, she is crying. "Umm, girls...come sit with me for a minute. Please? I need to tell you something."
They do. Vaggie moves out of the way so Odette and Clara can sit on the futon next to their mother. Carmilla reaches for the angel, too, trying to draw her in, but Vaggie just turns away, her back to the rest of them. She looks so small again, like she's curling in on herself. Carmilla looks like she wants to say something, but thinks better of it, and draws her attention back to the other girls.
"Clara. Odette. I'm going to say something, and I need you to...to keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?"
"Of course, Mom," Odette says, getting concerned at this line of questioning. "What's wrong? You know you can tell us anything, right?"
"Yeah! Whatever it is, we can take it. We're worried about you." Clara chimes in. As if her mother would ever doubt their resolve. Carmilla should know them better than that by now.
Carmilla pauses, for an unusually long time. Odette sees her trying to find the right words to say. Carmilla's hand then lowers, and she's...she's rubbing her midsection, over her pubic bone. Over her belly, like when she was...
Carmilla sighs, choking up again, but decides to just go for it anyway.
"All those years ago, when...when we died? Do you remember that I was...that I was with, aahhh...what state I was in?"
"You were pregnant, Mom," Odette says, squeezing her mother's hand, choking up at the memory. Carmilla had just found out, not even a few weeks prior. They hadn't even had time to celebrate. Her baby shower had been months away, and then their lives had been taken from them, snatched away like a thief in the night. "Of course we remember. You can say it. How could we forget?"
"Do you remember when we finally woke up, and how long it took for me to remember how we were killed? Clara, do you remember what you asked me?"
"I asked you what happened to the baby, and you said you didn't know. That it was just gone... Wait, Mama, hey! Are you okay? What's the matter?"
Carmilla catches them both off guard. She is actually sobbing now, out of nowhere. Face in her claws, digging them into into her forehead, and leaving red welts on the skin there. Her body shakes, wracked with grief, as if she's finally letting it all out, like she's been holding it together. For them. She probably has.
"I..." Carmilla starts, tears streaming between her fingers. "I can't! I'm sorry--I can't!"
Carmilla starts breathing rapidly, in-between sobs, like she's hyperventilating. Odette can't remember the last time she's seen her mother this way. Not since...
She and Clara are on their feet in an instant, about to wrap their mother up in their arms, and console her. Hug her, hold her, or...something. Anything, to get her to calm down and tell them what's going on.
They would have, anyway, except suddenly, Vaggie is there, already doing it for them.
"Carmilla, hey!" Vaggie says, squeezing Carmilla's shoulders from behind, much more level-headed and put together than the moment prior. She almost looks like she's back to her normal self. Brave...or at least she's trying to be. "Carmilla! Carmilla, stop! It's okay. You don't have to do this."
"I do!" Carmilla shouts, turning her head to look at Vaggie. The angel is surprised -- the matriarch's eyes are glowing. But around the edges, they've softened, and there's so much blue mixed in with the red.
Odette notices, too. Carmilla's eyes haven't been that way since...well, since they were alive. Like...like the human part of her is trying to fight to the surface. Resurrected by memories; ones she's being forced to recall, that she might rather have forgotten, to spare herself the pain.
"I have to tell them, Vaggie. They need to understand."
"Understand what, Mom?" Odette asks. She knows she shouldn't keep asking this. It's stupid. It's obviously hurting her mother. Odette's probably pushing a line here, that shouldn't be crossed, and she knows it. But her curiosity is killing her, all over again, and she just can't help herself. She needs to know what's wrong, so she and Clara can fix it.
Vaggie surprises her again.
"Let me do it, then," Vaggie says, forcefully, insisting, trying to get Carmilla to see reason. "You've been so strong for me. You've helped me so much. Let me do this for you."
"Vaggie, you don't have to...please, just give me a moment. I can--"
"No. This is hurting you. I want to help." Then, without hesitation, the angel looks at Odette and Clara, straight in the eye. Odette sees pain there, too; so much pain, and loss, but Vaggie pushes past it, and tells them, point-black, "It's me! Carmilla lost her baby, and it was me! All the Exorcists! We're lost children! We all died before we were born! They did tests on your blood when I was in the hospital, and you're all a match! Carmilla is my mother. You're my sisters! I know this may be hard to believe, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but you have to--!"
Vaggie doesn't get a chance to finish her tirade. Suddenly, a body collides into her front, wrapping its arms around her snuggly, in an almost too-tight bear hug. The angel stumbles on her feet, and may have toppled onto the floor, if the other person hadn't caught her.
That's when Vaggie notices the other person who has her is Clara, her arms grasped around her middle, with her face buried in the fallen angel's neck.
"I knew it!" Clara proclaims into Vaggie's skin, letting go of the smaller woman just enough to look back at Odette, sitting on the futon with their mother in a shocked stupor. Carmilla is looking at them, too. "I fucking told you, Odette! I fucking told you!"
Odette stands, and then immediately collapses to her knees. Despite her addled brain, despite her racing mind, and despite the absolute lack of belief she's experiencing in that moment, she still has enough of her wits about her to say, "Shit...sis, you were right."
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onceuponapuffin · 1 day
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Fanatic Intervention Part 9!!
Beginning || Previous || Next
*****************
You pound your way to the nearest bar, where everyone had agreed to meet. The three of them are standing around, talking over glasses of wine. Your hands are in fists, your nails digging into your palms as you approach. They acknowledge you as you enter their field of vision, but you say nothing. Instead, you beeline for Aziraphale, put your arms around him, and hang on for dear life. Sometimes you just need to hug an angel.
There’s a pause where Anathema says something about your aura, and then Aziraphale hugs you back.
Dear Reader, I’m not sure if it ever happened in your life, but for this Puffin there came a time when it was made very clear that wanting to be held or wanting to lean on another person in public was unacceptable (and, in fact, embarrassing) once you reached a certain age. And yet, we as humans are social creatures. The need to be held is a very normal response, especially after something particularly upsetting happens (like having the sanctity of washroom privacy violated, for example). Perhaps you’re not the kind of person who, out of nowhere, feels the desire to be held, but perhaps you know someone who is. And so, I would like to impress upon you the incredible difference it makes, the immeasurable relief it brings, to know that you have someone with you who will hold you back without question or comment. Just hold you, and wait.
Aziraphale makes it clear he intends to do just that.
“Take your time, dear,” he says gently. And so you do.
After a moment, the clink of a glass next to you makes you look up. Someone has given you a glass of the same wine everyone else has. You pull away and take a sip, feeling much calmer and very grateful.
“Thanks,” You say.
“Anytime,” Aziraphale replies.
“What happened?” Anathema asks.
Thus, you recount how Metatron trapped you in the washroom until he had said his peace. By the time you finish, there are three very angry faces around you. You feel validated enough to take another, much larger, sip of the wine. Aziraphale is the first to speak.
“Well for starters, I invite you to stay in my bookshop however long you like. Pet indeed! You are a help, yes, but you are a guest, and certainly not disposable, whatever he says.”
“And,” Crowley adds, “From what you said, Aziraphale and I can get you home whenever you want anyway. Probably, I mean. No dUbIOus motives involved, at least.”
Anathema seems to be thinking. After another few seconds, she asks:
“Why did you take the coffee?”
You all look at her, surprised.
“Well I mean,” she continues, “If the Metatron wants to know, he probably has a reason. If you tell us, maybe we can figure it out for ourselves and find a way around it.”
“Or they could just not tell him,” Crowley suggests with snark. “Then it doesn’t matter.”
“I mean, it might,” Anathema counters, “We don’t know that it doesn’t.”
“I took it because of the Coffee Theory,” You say with a shrug. It’s not like it’s a big deal. “But I mean, I don’t know why that would matter to him.”
“Well,” Anathema says, “That might depend on what the Coffee Theory is.”
“Well, it’s the idea that the Metatron did something to that coffee he was going to give Aziraphale. To, like, make Aziraphale trust him, or listen to him or whatever, so that he would go back to Heaven.” You pause. “There’s also an interpretation of it where it was a metaphor like ‘take my offer or face death.’ But most people think about the first one, and that’s the one that was in my brain when I did it. There aren’t a lot of people who actually believe it. I mean, not anymore, anyway.”
“So you think the Metatron drugged Aziraphale’s coffee?” Anathema raises an eyebrow. “And you drank it, yes? So...did he?”
“No,” You reply, “It was exactly what it was supposed to be. An oat milk latte with almond syrup. And I didn’t think he actually messed with it. I just wasn’t willing to take the chance, that’s all.”
Crowley’s face scrunches. “And you think he might need to know that for some reason?” He looks pointedly at Anathema.
“He might,” She gives a thoughtful hum. “I’ll think about it. I might ask the Cards later.”
-----------
The wait for boarding didn’t feel so long after that. As you board, you notice how spacious First Class is. Aziraphale and Crowley sit in the seats ahead of you and Anathema, with Aziraphale in the window seat. You notice Crowley casually trying to stick his legs out into the aisle and wonder vaguely whether it’s because he needs the space, or to try and trip the flight attendants. Both? Probably both. Okay, definitely both, you note, as a stewardess almost falls face-first into the aisle. Aziraphale gently swats at Crowley in reprimand, but you can tell it’s half-hearted and wholly-fond.
Your only trouble comes when you need to use the washroom, but Anathema, ever clever and aura-observant, suggests to go with you so that you can knock if anything goes wrong. Thankfully, nothing does, and you both return to your seats.
“You know,” Anathema says, leaning forward, “I just overheard the strangest thing. It seems that all of the normal airline food on this plane has gone missing. All that they have to serve is the first-class food.”
“Wait,” You say, holding back a laugh, “So everyone on this flight gets to eat the fancy, chef-prepared, gourmet meals?”
Crowley doesn’t hold back his laugh. “Oh, the big bosses won’t like that!”
“You two wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you?” Anathema asks suspiciously. You notice she’s smiling while she says it.
“Psh!” Crowley waves away the thought. “Why would I? Doesn’t matter to me either way.”
“Honestly, Miss Device,” Aziraphale adds, “I have no idea why you immediately accuse us of something that seems so clearly to be a mere...clerical error.”
Ah-ha! Culprit found. Clerical error your arse.
“You know,” You sigh, “It really is no wonder why Crowley loves you so much.”
“Ngk,” says Crowley. Aziraphale responds with a pleased-sounding hum. You relax, and notice between the seats that Aziraphale places his hand on top of Crowley’s and leaves it there.
They like holding hands – your insides scream.
--------
When you disembark from the plane, you hear all the other passengers around you complimenting the flight attendants on the excellent food and promising to leave excellent reviews online. You keep your laughter as quiet as you can. Aziraphale’s little prank is going to cause the airline issues for YEARS. Crowley must be so proud.
The speed and ease with which you clear customs and baggage claim is probably because you’re traveling with two supernatural entities. In no time at all, you’re outside of the airport flagging down a cab. Crowley opens the door with enthusiasm and outright glee.
“After you, Angel,” he says, “You think 90 miles an hour in London is bad, I can’t wait for you to see this!”
Dear Reader, I don’t know if you have ever been to New York City, but I assure you that Crowley’s driving has nothing on the NYC cabbies. Aziraphale spends the entire drive trying to hold on to something and taking deep breaths as the cab violently jerks to a stop millimeters from the car in front. You suggest he close his eyes. He does. It doesn’t seem to help.
-------
The taxi lets you out in front of The Ritz. Because of course you’re staying at The Ritz. Aziraphale goes to check in while Crowley tells Anathema he needs the washroom, and mutters to you that he wants to empty all the soap dispensers. You try so hard to hold in your laughter that it comes out your nose anyway. The demon flashes you a cheeky grin before disappearing around the corner. Anathema looks at you.
“Probably been a while since he had a fresh audience,” You say to her. She chuckles.
“And you’re so obliging too. No doubt he’s having a great time with all this.”
“Hey, Anathema,” You begin uncertainly, “How...I mean...I’m just worried about...things. How are we going to find Jesus anyway? I just...I don’t really have anymore information to give. I don’t even know if he’s going to be a baby or an adult this time.”
“Hm...” Anathema thinks for a minute, “Well, I’m going to try and get some readings, see if I can get some kind of direction for us to go in. It’s a big country, but what I’m hoping is that it will sort of work like dowsing.”
“Dowsing? Like looking for water with sticks?”
“Sort of. In a nutshell, you pay attention to the vibrations in the Earth, and the closer you get, the stronger the vibrations become. It makes sense to think that Jesus would make pretty noticeable vibrations. That’s my working hypothesis anyway.”
You nod. That will do for now. Aziraphale and Crowley both return, with the demon wiping his hands on his trousers, and the four of you take the elevator to your room.
The Royal Suite.
“Are...you….serious??” Anathema asks. Honestly, you’re too stunned looking around the enormous suite with four bedrooms to say anything. It’s bigger than most houses. You take out your phone and start taking pictures.
“Well, if we’re going to stay at The Ritz,” Aziraphale says cheerfully, pronouncing the capital letters, “Best to do it Properly.”
“But this is ridiculous!”
Aziraphale isn’t paying attention anymore. He’s gone to tell Crowley not to draw mustaches on the expensive artwork.
“Unlimited resources,” You say to her, “Make for expensive taste.”
“No, kidding,” she sighs, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m gonna need some help with these two.”
Ha, You think to yourself, I knew it.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤
Beginning || Previous || Next
^ If you want to see JUST how ridiculous the royal suite is.
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tumblingxelian · 23 hours
Text
@princess-of-the-corner
Thinking of Aware Lila being part of the group and how that probably pisses Marinette off and had this discussion in mind.
Marinette was practically pulling out her pig tails as Kagami watched on with a fond sort of bemusement at the girls expressive antics.
"I just don't get why she has to keep lying, its so frustrating listening to her just spew nonsense after nonsense like its nothing."
Kagami tilted her head, just a little, "It is quite obviously vexing you, and for that I am sorry."
Marinette waved her off, "You're not the one whose pants should be on fire. Though... I mean why do you hang out with her? Chloe & Adrien I kind of get, your parents are all vaguely aligned and you're in the same circles. Lila's not actually rich or famous-" Marinette gasped, "Has she tricked your parents!?"
Kagami actually let out a huff of amusement, despite its quiet nature, it ran through her whole body.
"That would be amusing to see, my mother hanging on Lila's every word, but no. That woman has no time for even sly boasting and the others parents are little different."
She held up her hand when Marinette looked ready to speak and added, "Lila's mother is genuinely a diplomat, and while not in our parents sphere of wealth she is connected enough that it behooves all of us to at least be polite."
Marinette sighed and flopped back down on the bed at Kagami's side.
"I suppose, though you'd think being able to attend events like you do and having a respected diplomat for a mother would be enough. Like its not even as if she's stupid or has no talents so she has to make things up to brag about even. What's the point? I just... I don't get why someone would lie when they don't have to."
Kagami stilled, and Marinette watched as her friends manner shifted, no longer angling towards her but instead stiff as she stared into space. Experience said to let Kagami think and after a minute of growing anxiety in the silence, Kagami spoke, her voice like tempered glass, strong but made of fragile things.
"I don't think you can understand, Marinette... Or perhaps it is not something I have the words to explain. Maybe if you experienced it... But I would never wish that on you, never."
She finally turned to Marinette, gaze intense, even as her eyes focused somewhere other than Marinette's own.
"It is love, it always comes back to love, or more, the absence of it and the quest to find it, to claim it. To let it fill that gaping chasm inside yourself that exists only because of something integrals absence."
Marinette took one of Kagami's hands and squeezed and saw the fencers breathing steady as she pressed on.
"You can't imagine what its like to never know it but always feel like its just out of reach. The depths someone might sink, the lengths they would go to finally have it."
"You might convince yourself if you just twist yourself a little more for them, tear another piece of yourself away, break yourself or someone else, that it will finally be granted to you. That you can let it sink deep into your bones and sinew and finally, oh finally, you can be happy without hurting."
Marinette shuffled closer, pressing herself at Kagami's side.
"If you can't do that, can't trick yourself into going down that path on a fruitless quest you do the next best thing. You lie. You lie to yourself, or to others. Because even false happiness is better than real despair. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself, even as you starve and wither on the inside..."
Kagami's entire body shuddered, it was somehow both the most powerful sensation Marinette had ever felt and the most subtle she'd ever seen. A reminder that even in her moments of deepest hurt Kagami could not show even a hint of weakness.
Her eyes were stinging now, and Marinette let out a sob.
Kagami's entirely frame pivoted to her, something like terror in her eyes. "Marinette, I- I don't now what I did, b-" She let out a surprised breath as Marinette practically flung herself into the taller girls embrace, pressing Kagami down on the mattress of her bed.
"You didn't make me cry... I'm crying... Because you can't, and you deserve to!" The other girl's powerful arms embraced her so tightly it was like she wanted them to stay locked together forever.
She buried her face in Kagami's neck and whispered, "You are loved, I love you Kagami."
Kagami couldn't speak, so she just held tighter, letting Marinette etch herself ever deeper inside her soul and sinew. She'd do anything for this moment to last.
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tac-the-unseen · 2 days
Text
COD Random character quirks
Fluff
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Ghost:
•Remembers every story somebody tells him, but can't remember where he left his sweater
•Bites the inside of his cheek constantly, to the point of scarring
•If somebody doesn't drag him out of the house he would never leave. Despite this he does love going on a walk from time to time
•Hates talking about his past and will always redirect the conversation
•Extremely fast eater, it's a combination of Trauma and military training. Can finish a whole plate in less than 10 minutes
•Pauses for a long time in between speaking but can't stand it if someone else does the same
Soap:
•Obsessed with swords, but is terrible at wielding them
•Screams “DON'T GO IN THERE!” to the T.V when watching any horror movie
•Wears the ‘I <3 my hot S/O’ shirts unironically, and the loves them because “It's true!”
•Loves to be the best at everything
•Consistently orders the same thing at a restaurant. Has a specific order for every restaurant he goes too
•Learned some magic tricks as a kid and can still do most of them
Price:
•Wears crazy socks, think Spencer and his friend Socko (from iCarly)
•Laughs to jokes no one else laughs at to make the other person not feel bad
•Has one nipple piercing on his left nipple, He doesn't want to get the second one and just likes having the ones.
•Overly Humble, You have to fight him to take a compliment
•Eats while driving and has made adjustments in his car to be able to eat with full effect
•Knows a surprising amount of useless trivia and will bring it up in any conversation he can
Alejandro:
•Screams and runs at the sight of the bee
•Notorious for his eye rolling abilities
•Has a pretty sizable jewelry collection. Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, rings, and brooches (and he's willing to share)
•Frequently complements his S/O
•Steals food off of his S/O’s and friends plate
•Great cook and spends most of his time around/in the kitchen
Gaz:
•Secretly wants to be in a boy band
•Can't swallow pills normally
•Make fake scenarios in his head about him being the ultimate hero
•Snorts when he laughs
•Eats healthy snacks and playful shames others for eating unhealthy snacks
•Surprisingly good at impressions specifically impressions of British government officials
Roach:
•Sneak attack hugger
•His all-time favorite book is Dr Seuss's ‘Put me in a zoo’
•Sometimes forget other people don't know sign language/can't read it that fast and signs so fast that others have no clue what he said
•Gets a bad case of the giggles when someone trips (He cannot stop no matter how hard he tries)
•Likes to eat in private and feels weird looking at other people eat (Not a fan of restaurants or Mukbang asmr)
•Squirms in his seat/Can sit still for that long
Konig:
•Wears a bunch of hair ties around his wrist
•Has to spend hundreds of dollars making custom shoes that actually fit him
•Is an adrenaline junkie on the battle field. He lives for the blood rush
•Has a house shaking laugh and Horangi makes fun of him for it
•Is a very neat eater, he's not overly delicate with his food but just likes to eat in a certain way
•Likes stretching out and popping his joints all the time.
Rudy:
•Sits on the floor rather than the couch
•Will politely remind you how good he's being in the midst of chaos
•Always supports/Roots for the underdog
•Always has Snacks in his pockets/backpack
•Messy eater, somehow always ends up with sauce on his shirt or crumbs in his pockets
•Lean onto the people closest to him
Mace:
•Puts hot sauce on everything
•Tells jokes with a serious face
•Always looking for new adventure, loves exploring, hiking, climbing, and learning about different cultures
•Frequently adjusting his shirt to show off his body modification (traditional tribal scars)
•Likes to eat food with his hand more than with utensils. He'll use forks, spoons, and knives when at restaurants, but when he's at home everything is finger food.
•Gets spontaneous piercing / tattoos
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stusbunker · 1 day
Text
Spotless: Dolce
Chapter Twenty One
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Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela
Word Count: 1787
Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, minor backstory, they're idiots your honor, unbeta'd
A/N: Thank you all for your patience. Apart from being sick, I second and third and quintuple guessed myself on this chapter and then thoroughly ignored the difficult parts and just let them have a conversation on their own. That's it, it's just a phone call. xoxo Stu
Forgive me @lastactiontricia <3
Series Masterlist
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You stood in your kitchen staring at the food in the fridge. It wasn’t much, but you had options.You just hated them all at that moment. You closed the door and slogged over to the pantry. It was the Friday night after Dean’s birthday and you wanted nothing to do with your phone or work or anything social media related. 
So you had turned off your ringer and left it to charge. 
You grabbed a bag of microwave popcorn out of the box and ripped off the plastic wrap. It was a poor excuse for dinner, but it at least would tide you over while you decided what you actually wanted to eat. Then you poured yourself a glass of wine, a sweet white because you were not a snob about it. No matter how many trips to Napa people took you on, you really weren’t going to spend an arm and a leg on a bottle that you only half-heartedly appreciated.
Once it was ready, you took the puffed up bag of popcorn with you to the living room because what was the point of making another dish? And decidedly resorted to turning on the tv.
The thing about streaming shows is that even though your attention wavered, the consistency of the characters on the screen made you feel less alone. You got through six episodes before you realized you never made anything for dinner. And at that point, it was too late to start. You stomped around trying to remember where you left your phone only to find a missed call from Dean and a dozen random texts from other people.
You double checked you didn’t have any voicemails and scrolled down to order delivery. Once dinner was finally sorted, you poured yourself the last of the bottle of wine and called Dean back.
The phone rang in your ear as you sat in the corner of your couch, criss-cross applesauce while turning on the next episode on mute. He answered on the fourth ring.
“Trouble, hey!”
“You rang?” You took a sip. Wherever he was was loud, but you could hear him moving through the buzz of passing conversation and cutlery.
“Yeah, you got a minute?”
“The night is my oyster, what’s up?” You leaned forward and set your glass on the coffee table, stretching back and settling in for whatever fire you were going to have to put out next.
The sounds surrounding Dean ended abruptly and he exhaled. “Not much, just grabbing drinks with some people from the label with Bela. You know, schmoozing the uppity ups.”
“Oh— good luck with that.” You shifted onto one hip and hugged your knee. “Tell her she has to pick where we’re getting brunch because the place I wanted is closed for remodeling—- and that she’s paying.”
Dean huffed a laugh. “I’ll fucking cover it, okay? Anything else you need me to tell her? Cuz I could go back in there and just hand her the phone if you want—”
“Nope— no, sorry. It’s fine. You okay?” Something in his voice was setting off a proximity alarm in your head, not full blown panic mode, but enough to let you know something had appeared on the horizon. 
“Yeah, ‘m good. It’s just not my kind of thing—- Bela’s great at these things— I just stand there wishing I could be anywhere else.”
“I’m surprised you even showed up— especially with rehearsals starting Monday.” You grabbed your wine again, waiting Dean out.
“Gotta play nice— you said so,” Dean teased, you could hear the soft hum of his smugness before he shifted gears. “Listen— that whole thing with Cas and the birthday bus— and the whole day actually—”
“Are you really gonna start bitching about that now? Dean, it is so not the time— don’t you have someone’s ass to kiss?”
“What?! I’m not— would you let me finish?! Jesus. I was trying to thank you!--- Don’t know why, now, but yeah.”
You bit your lips and perked up, straightening your back and wagging your head a little back and forth. “Oh? By all means— continue.”
“Yeah, okay, smart ass.”
You cackled and let him stew a bit.
“It was seriously the best, okay? Like, top five of all time.” Dean switched ears and you tried not to squee with the idea of making him so happy he’d been thinking about it for days. That he had to call you to tell you— even as an excuse to escape a less than stellar social situation. Everything seemed to sparkle on your skin, but that could have been the Reisling. “And about dragging Cas out— that was an unexpected gift. So, yeah, thank you— for all your trouble.”
You groaned.
“Oh come on! That one wasn’t that bad.” Dean pretended to be affronted and you pretended to be annoyed.
“Sure.”
He sniggered. “It was good to see him. It’d been too damn long.”
“Seriously. We had lunch and just getting to hang out with him made everything better.”
“Yeah.” Dean was thinking and you let him.
The television was frozen on the prompt screen, judging you for still watching, but you ignored it. You finished your wine and looked at the last drops through the curved glass, distracted by the reflection of your empty living room.
“You think he’s doing alright? I mean— he’s got a freakin’ kid. That’s got to have been a total mindfuck— you know?”
Naturally, Dean was worried about how Cas was, not about harboring grudges or blaming him for the rift between them. At least not out loud.
“I cannot imagine— and luckily we don’t have to worry about anyone trying to pull that again.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Fuckin’ Lisa, I almost forgot about that. That was like the first big thing you had to bury when you started.”
You sat up and climbed onto your knees, like getting taller would help make your point. “Oh, I know! God that was such an uphill battle, even when she pretended to play nice. I still get the heebie jeebies when I pass her yoga studio on the way to Charlie’s.”
Dean chuckled. “Man— the things we do for fame. We are paying you, right?”
“Last time I checked.”
“Okay, good, probably should be more though, especially with all the Bela stuff.”
“Dean— I make well over the industry standard percentage with you guys. Plus, you barely even charge me rent. I’m doing fine.”
“Whatever—- still, want you to know your hard work is appreciated.”
You settled back down and picked at the seam of your leggings. “That is the weirdest way you could have said thank you, I hope you know.”
“Fuck off— Thank you, okay? THANK YOU. Should I spell it out? Maybe say it in Spanish?”
“Claro.”
“Como se dice ‘bite me’, huh?”
“Muérdeme.”
“Uhhh—- yeah, not gonna try that one while I’m standing in an alley alone.”
You rolled your eyes. “You should probably go back inside. People are waiting on you.”
“They barely even looked up when I stepped away— Bela’d message me if it was a problem.”
“Deeeeeean.”
“Trouuubbbllllle,” the way his voice rumbled with your nickname made it hard to remember you were even wearing clothes.
You climbed off the couch and decided to put your glass in the dishwasher for something to do. He wasn’t going back into the restaurant, but he wasn’t exactly keeping you from anything either.
“Why’d you call if you were out anyway?”
“Heh— I called you to talk me into going through with it.”
Oops. “Well good job on getting there on your own.”
“I was already halfway to Bela’s anyway. Paps perked up real fast when we rolled up. Gonna have to switch out Baby for a rental one of these days. Don't like the way they hone in on her.”
You rolled your eyes. “Probably a good idea, especially if you need privacy.”
“Not really the point of this little arrangement is it?”
“Okay, but still, be safe.”
“With my car? Always.”
You smiled to yourself when there was a knock at your door.
“Somebody there?” You hadn’t realized he could hear it over the line.
“Just dinner.” You beelined through the living room, suddenly starving. You pinched your phone between your shoulder and your cheek as you unlocked the front door. 
“So, what? Just another night in for you? Lemme guess, messy bun and no bra, maybe some leggings?”
You made sure everything was in the bag where the driver left it and dragged it back to the kitchen for a plate. “Is this you asking me what I’m wearing?”
“Maybe.”
You stopped short, and had to lift the bag up onto the counter a second time to keep it from becoming one with the floor. “Ha, ha.”
“Come on, it’s not like I’m gonna do anything here. Just making conversation.”
You ground your teeth, anger spiking from this sudden turn into teasing. “Yeah, well, when it’s the closest thing to a come on I’ve had in months— it feels a little bit more than that.”
You feel the penny drop.
“Dry spell, huh? I was wondering about that.”
“Oh shut it. You’ve got a fairytale fake girlfriend and I’ve got a band to keep relevant, neither of us is really out there mingling.”
Dean cleared his throat. “You can take time off—- if you need, you know that right? Hell, find somebody’s discarded boyfriend backstage and burn off some steam or something. ‘S one of the perks of a tour.---- But take care of yourself first, alright?”
You look up at the ceiling at the rows of spotlights Dean installed, once upon a time, that framed the island and sighed. “I’m not discussing my sex life with you— like— ever again.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun. We’ll have a sleepover and braid Sam’s hair.”
You sputtered and then went back to dishing up your food.
“Muérdeme, Dean. Then we’d have to listen to all the kinky shit him and Madison are into, no thank you.”
“Touche.”
You heard Dean’s phone buzz with a notification. The metaphorical clock struck twelve.
“That’s Bela, isn’t it?”
“Yep. Okay, well, it’s been fun.”
You inhaled and sent him off, “go get ‘em, champ.” 
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks again for the birthday shenanigans. I’ll see you next week?”
“I’ll be at rehearsal, but I’ve got calls and stuff scheduled throughout the day.”
“Sounds good. Have a good one.”
“You too.”
Something lingered between you in the silence and before you could say something you’d regret, you finally ended the call. It almost felt like he was waiting you out, making sure not to be the one that hung up first.
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Tagging:
@deans-spinster-witch
@mrswhozeewhatsis
@cosicas-cuquis
@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like
@suckitands33
@ladysparkles78
@deans-baby-momma
@stoneyggirl2
@sassy-pelican
@leigh70
@globetrotter28
@winharry
@lastactiontricia
@rockhoochie
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grifff17 · 2 days
Text
Audiodrama Sunday 04/28/24
So much stuff this week! I think this is going to be my longest writeup yet!
@camlannpod what the fuck? Trying to avoid spoilers, but the ending of that episode was wild. The sound design for the last scene was so good. Also “You're good with an axe, right?” was brutal, I audibly said "oof". Only 1 more episode in the season, hopefully they get funding for a second one.
The first episode of @wanderersjournalpod came out this week. This was a promising start to a new show, I'm excited to see where it goes from here. The setting feels very mystical, I can't wait to learn more about the world.
@worldsbeyondpod was so tense. Suvi and Ame had the most awkward conversation in existence. This story has so much nuance, neither of them are clearly in the right, though I feel inclined to take Ame's side due to the "Geas + Alter Memory" double espionage scheme. Meanwhile Ursulon discovers that Orima of the Reaching Green is a short queen and gets a cool horse.
I'm now up to date with @lostterminal. Season 15 was great. I love Nia, and Daphne and Raffi were really interesting new characters. Also, the dragon was terrifying. This show doesn't usually have very much action, so the confrontation with it really stood out. The description of the automatic turret going "click, click" as it locked on to Maddie was so intimidating.
@worldgonewrongpod I loved this episode. The storytelling felt so natural and real, like someone telling me a story about a weird road trip they went on. I think I said this about the last episode too, but this was my favorite episode yet. It also sets up the backstory which was never really explained as to why Jamie and Malik are separated at all.
In @midstpodcast we finally had a nicer episode. No horrible fucked up Weep/Trust stuff happening, just Lark reunited with Zeila and Sherman. However, there's so much tension between these characters. I was surprised that Lark forgave Sherman for selling her out. Something to remember is that Lark and Sherman had been hooking up before everything went to shit, which was mentioned once and I think really changes their relationship.
New @keepitsteadypod! This is the first new episode of this show since I started doing these. This was a really cute episode. For how popular fake dating is as a trope in fandom spaces, you don't see a lot of it in audiodramas.
Fun episode of Mission Rejected this week. It was cool to see Bowden go from "vain actor" to "badass spy" when the stakes ramped up. We don't get to see him take charge very often, it was neat for him to be a competent leader. I wonder if the gang lying to Zelda(who definitely saw through it) and Chet(who probably didn't) is foreshadowing for more of a conflict with the new Secretary of Defense later in the season. Also I loved the squabbling gay couple running an illegal mining operation as the villains of the week.
@breakerwhiskey episode 200 wow. A letter from Harry! We learned that Harry has been listening to most of Whiskey's broadcasts, which recontextualizes a lot of the previous episodes. Also, the end was heartbreaking.
I started season 2 of @longcatmedia's Mockery Manor! I'm 2 episodes in and really like it so far. JJ and Bettie are employed in different parks, JJ is on the run from an organized crime ring, and Bettie became a monk? Also, it's clear that neither Hilda nor Jenkins stole the shipment, neither of them have motive. But I don't know who else would have motive either. Lots of mysteries this season.
Spout Lore had a great planning episode. I'm excited for the "saving Highspear" arc, the Highspear is so cool as a concept. A reverse Tower of Babel, that lets the whole world talk with each other. A literal monument to wizard hubris, which feels destined to fall. However I doubt it will, because, as the players mentioned, it would be really annoying from a storytelling perspective if everyone suddenly spoke different languages. This has actually made me realize I really want a story set shortly after some sort of "fall of the Tower of Babel", where communication is a struggle, but that's just because I think linguistics is cool. Anyways, the buffet talk had me rolling.
What a great week! However, it did not help my queue, which continues to grow instead of get smaller. I'll reach the end of it one day.
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Retro tries to surprise the Vees with a cooked treat during a meeting, unaware a new staff member (someone who wants to take Retro's place as the Vees favourite) has pranked them. Maybe making the cake they baked explode or something? (Points if Retro gets covered in cream because Vox and Val gotta love that until Retro would understandably be upset)
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“Hello darling,” I said to Vox. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, then did the same for Valentino and Velvette. I set a box on the table with a treat I’d spent hours making. “I brought your favorite!”
“Oh, our favorite?” Vox asked, raising a brow. “It’s been awhile since you’ve made it, I must say I’m excited to have it.”
“I call dibs!” Velvette said with a grin.
“Hey!” Valentino said, giving her a look. “Mi amor likes me best, so clearly, I’ll have first pick.”
“Calm down,” I said with a small laugh. “At least let me open the box first!”
“Fine…” Val grumbled, crossing his arms.
I opened the box and took the treat out. It was nearly as perfect as I remembered. Nearly. There was one small-
“Fuck!” I yelled, as it exploded in my face. “Holy fucking shit!”
“Oh!” Val said, breaking out in laughter.
“Oh my god, Vox, please tell me you got that on camera,” Velvette said with a grin.
“Of course I did,” he said with a nod. “I have cameras everywhere.”
Meanwhile, I was trying to fix it. I was a mess, my clothes were ruined. It was horrible. I was embarrassed and upset and god- I was such a fucking disaster. “Sorry,” I said quickly, as I frantically tried to do clean it up. “I am so, so sorry, it wasn’t supposed to be like this! It wasn’t- I was-”
I was cut off by the sound of laughter, from one of the newer employees. “Oh my god, that was too easy!” They said, bursting out in laughter again. I was silent, tears still pricking the corners of my eyes. “Such a stupid fucking bitch! Oh, oh! You should’ve seen the look on your face!”
“I…” I said, feeling even more embarrassed. “Sorry…” I said, looking away, utterly humiliated. I tried to go back to cleaning, my hands shaking. I was crying, I realized. I tried to wipe away my tears but my face and my hands still had icing all over them. “Sorry, sorry. God, I’m a disaster,” I said quietly, my voice strained as I tried to get a hold of myself.
“Don’t apologize,” Vox said softly. Velvette came over and helped try to calm me, giving me a handkerchief.
“Oh, are you crying?” The new employee asked with a grin, looking smug. “Fuck, you’re so weak! Learn to take a joke, damn.”
“You need to know your place,” Vox growled, glaring at them. “Leave. Now. Or else.” The demon froze for a moment, but didn’t leave.
“I… I spent hours on this,” I mumbled, wiping away my tears. I clenched my fists. “Hours, trying to make it perfect for you and I just… it’s gone.”
“Oh sweetheart,” Velvette said, rubbing my back.
“I’m sorry, mi amorosa,” Val said softy. “I shouldn’t have laughed. I thought it was apart of the plan, but… I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” I said quickly. “It’s fine. I’m just being dramatic. Overreacting.”
“Damn right,” the new employee muttered, crossing their arms.
“That’s it!” Val said, pulling out his gun. He aimed the pistol right at the demon and would’ve pulled the trigger- but Vox stopped him. “What are you-?”
“Not now,” he said quietly, giving him a pointed look. “Not here.”
The demon ran, not needing to be told to leave this time. Val sighed and put his pistol away. “Fine,” he said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. “Later.”
“Later,” Vox agreed.
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But I Don't WANT to be a General
Fandom: Girl Genius Rating: G Summary: The town is unfrozen, and the rest of the generals are back. Dimo would like this to mean HE does not have to be a general any more.
It does not.
[Inspired by adiduk's very excellent fic, The General. They were not involved in the writing of this fic, which is not intended as a sequel.]
AO3 link!
Dimo had been summoned to the Jӓgerbüro.
People were always surprised to hear the generals did not meet in the Jӓgerhall, as if it wasn’t incredibly obvious what it would be like trying to have a serious discussion and sign paperwork while the Jӓger pack was drinking and carousing a floor below you.
The temptation to join in would be unbearable.  
Instead, the generals did their business in the Jӓgerbüro: a small, heavily-reinforced building directly at the foot of the road up to the castle. While the Jӓgers were gone, it had been turned into a souvenir shop. Currently, it was in the process of being very rapidly un-turned into a souvenir shop. The expeditiousness of the project was assisted by General Goomblast, who had hurled all the shelves of knickknacks out of the windows the second he set foot inside.
With the desperate, delusional hope of a man heading to the gallows telling himself there will be a last-minute pardon, Dimo considered the generals perhaps wanted a debrief of the last two years before releasing him back into the relatively worry-free status of a low-level officer.  
Oh, to let the words “supply lines” go back to being something that happened to someone else.
The shattered windows had been boarded up, which made the front room seem gloomy and oppressive. The büro’s former tenants were packing up their merchandice with speed, if not efficiency.  They barely spared Dimo a glance before pointing towards the large, black, metal door that led to the meeting room proper.
Dimo took a breath and knocked on the door, waited for the call of Vut hyu vant?, braced himself, and went inside.
Dimo had actually been in here a handful of times, back when he was new in the ranks and ran messages for the generals. It was more or less as he remembered it—decorations and furniture selected for the ability to survive both the ravages of time and being thrown at a wall, the heavy curtains to muffle sound, the safety lanterns that would put themselves out if they were knocked over during a discussion.
The generals were arranged around the long, dark table, watching him intently.
Dimo was somewhat surprised to see that Higgs had joined them. His position being what it was, it was rare for him to risk attracting attention by appearing in the company of the other generals. But here he was, tipping his chair back on two legs and puffing on his pipe, leaving only three chairs empty instead of the usual—
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait—
Three empty chairs, one for Øsk, out of respect; one for Zadipok, still missing; and one for--
Higgs raised an eyebrow at him.
Oh no.
Oh no.
“But Hy vasn’t even trying to be de general!” he burst out, practically wailing. “Hy vus just making sure tings happened!”  
“Ho yus,” Goomblast said, gravely. “Dots how it gets hyu. Vun minute, hyu is just doing vut needs to be done, and den suddenly, boom, hyu has a chair und everyvun is saluting hyu.”
Gkika shook her head.
“Terrible ting, de forst time dey salutes hyu.”
Khrizhan rose and put a friendly hand on Dimo’s shoulder. Gently but firmly, he began to steer Dimo towards one of the chairs. Dimo tried to dig his heels in, but Khrizhan was twice his size in nearly every direction, and so he simply slid along the floor towards the chair and its aura of inescapable responsibility.
“But—!”
Khrizhan picked Dimo up by the shoulders, lifted him up, and sat him down on the chair next to Koppelslav.
“But—!”
“Dots vut being a general is,” Zog said, not unkindly. “Hyu see vut has to be done, and hyu feel hyu has to do it.”  
“Hy didn’t heff to do it,” Dimo insisted, fighting the urge to whine. “Hy vus just de vun who got dere forst! Could heff been anybody!” 
“So why didn’t you wait for one them to do it?” Higgs asked.
Dimo opened his mouth to answer, and then abruptly closed it again. Why hadn’t he waited? There were plenty of other officers who’d made it out of Mechanicsburg—hell, Maxim had made it out. But Dimo hadn’t left it to one of them, because…because…
Because it hadn’t even occurred to him not to do it. It needed to be done. He could do it. So he had.
Dimo's shoulders slumped and he glared at Higgs. Instead of bursting into flames, the man's mouth quirked up at the corner ever so slightly. Koppelslav slapped Dimo on the back so genially it nearly knocked him right back out of the chair.
“Velcome aboard, brudder,” he said, grinning. “Dun vurry, hyu vill get over it in a few decades.”
Dimo groaned.
“Hokay,” Zog said, growing more serious. “Now ve gotta actually do tings. Forst thing forst, ve need to get an inventory of de veapons und supplies—”
Dimo rifled through his stack of papers and handed a few to him.
“Oh,” Zog said. “Den Hy guess ve gotta get a list of who ken still fight—”
Dimo passed him another sheaf of papers.
“List of de repairs ve still gotta make?” Gkika suggested. The papers made a thwap sound as Dimo tossed them onto the center of the table. Everyone stared at it.
“Vut supplies ve got in de caves and who’s moving it to de town,” Dimo said, and threw down the next report.
Thwap.
 “List of de dead.”
Thwap.
“List of all de guys who surrendered,”
Thwap.
“Vut shtuff ve took off of dem,”
Thwap.
“And vere ve keepink dem and vy hyu all looking at me like dat?” Dimo demanded, his voice rising dangerously close to hysterics. “Dis is vut ve vas talking about! Generals do de tings dat need to be done and Hy did dem! Dis isn’t even evryting Hy got, dis is just vut Hy could put togedder before de meeting!”
They stared at him. Even Higgs was surprised, his pipe drooping in shock.
Gkika burst out laughing.
“Vot?” Dimo demanded, anger starting to rise. “Vot’s so funny?”
“Hyu poor ting,” she cried, wiping at her eyes. “No vunder hyu dun vanna be a general!”
Koppelslav snatched the still very thick stack of papers from Dimo’s hand and began to flip through them, eyes going wider and wider.
“Look at dis, he efen got de damn budget balanced; ve haffen’t managed dot since Øsk died—expense reports? Hyu got dem to do expense reports? For two years?” He stared at Dimo in disbelief. “Red fire, boy, how hyu still got hyu brains between hyu ears?” 
“Wh—Hy—It…vus vot needed to be done?” Dimo said, hesitantly. He was not entirely sure what everyone was so worked up about. He looked to Higgs on his left, desperate for some kind of hint.
Higgs had relaxed back in his chair again. He took the pipe out of his mouth and said, quite calmly:
“You’ve been doing the work of seven generals for two and a half years.”
The table had gone quiet again. Dimo looked at the stack of reports. He looked at Higgs.
“So…Hy von’t haff to do all of dot by myself?”
Koppelslav threw his hands in the air, waving the reports wildly.
“Ve don’t even do all of dis!” he shouted.
“Yah, ve gon haff to teach hyu how to delegate,” Goomblast said.
Dimo stared at them. Then, with a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a sob of relief, he slumped forward onto the table and threw his arms over his head.
“Vut did hyu tink ve vas going to be doink all day?” Gkika asked. She’d stopped laughing, but she sounded like she’d start up again any moment.
“Hy don’t know!” Dimo shouted, waving his hands without lifting his suddenly very heavy head. “Hy didn’t know vut I vas supposed to be doink! Dere vusn’t anyvun for me to ask!”
Silence.
A faint rustle of clothing and creaking of chairs.
Dimo cautiously raised his head and saw the other generals had all turned to glare at Higgs. The man shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“I was undercover,” he said, defensively.
To Dimo’s shock, Khrizhan slapped Higgs on the back of the head. Higgs only just managed to catch his hat before it fell off, and scowled at Khrizhan, who scowled back.
“Hyu could haff at least told him how to do it!”  
“Ya,” Goomblast said, gesturing with some of the papers. “All dot going tru de reports for de important shtoff, dots officer vurk. Hyu tell dem vut hyu need to know, and dots vut dey give hyu.”
Dimo turned in his seat, one arm on the table and the other hand on his hip, and glared at Higgs.
“I was undercover!” Higgs insisted again, although this time guilt was beginning to leak in around the edges.
“Hokay,” Gkika said. “New plan. How about hyu just vatch us do de generaling ting for a vile, and ve give hyu a break from de paperverk?”
“He vill vatch us?” Koppelslav exclaimed. “Ve should be vatching him! He got dem to fill out expense reports!”
“Vot is vit hyu and de expense reports?” Zog demanded.
Koppelslav slammed his fist down on the table.  
“Øsk hyused to stand offer dem vit a brandink iron und he couldn’t get dem to fill doze in on time! How in de hell did hyu do it?”
Dimo rubbed his face. He was starting to feel light-headed.
“Um…Effry time dey vuz late I vent and said tank hyu for understanding dot de money is tight and Hy appreciated dem being villing to pay for tings demselves.”
Gkika grinned.
“Ho, dots mean,” she said, with great approval.
Khrizhan had not allowed himself to be distracted by the turn in conversation. His eyes were still fixed on Higgs.
“Hyu could heff at least—” Khrizhan began.
“I didn’t. Have. Time.”
“Vut time hyu need? Hyu write a letter, hallo Dimo, by der vay, hyu dun need to be trackink de petty cash durink a crisis.”
“Hy don’t?” Dimo said, weakly.
Khrizhan gestured angrily, silently, and emphatically at Dimo.
“Ve supposed to be verking togedder,” Goomblast said. “Hyu supposed to help de new guy!”
Revenge unfolded in front of Dimo’s eyes like a beautiful, beautiful flower.
“Hyu know who gots a lot off opinions about teaching people tings properly,” he said sternly, “is dat Miss Zeetha of hyors.”
Five heads snapped around, fixing on their fellow general—sharks smelling blood in the water.
“Hyor Miss Zeetha?” Khrizhan said, oozing evil delight.
Higgs had gone very still. His eyes were very wide. His face was very slowly turning very, very red.  
“Oh-ho-ho!” Goomblast crowed. If his smile got any wider, the corners of his mouth would meet at the back of his head.
“Shuddup,” Higgs said, now blushing so hard Dimo could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.
“Dot’s de green haired gorl who fights vit Mizz Agatha,” Gkika said, her eyes shining. “Ooh, und he vus so vorried ven she got hurt in de kestle!” She lowered her voice, conspiratorially, her eyes not leaving Higg’s face. “He dun take her to de hospital, hyu know; he brought her shtraight to me.”
“She was dying,” Higgs said, slouching in his chair, arms crossed defensively over his chest.
“Is dot de vun vit de two svords?” Zog asked. “Verr nice, soch a pretty young ting—”
“Shuddup,” Higgs said as he sank even further in his chair. He shot Dimo a murderous look. Dimo grinned, tipping his chair back on two legs and settling in to watch the show. 
Maybe being a general wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
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i-miss-breathing · 15 days
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I think Marichat is the most genuine of the love square
Adrien as himself has to constantly worry about the repercussions of every action he takes, he’s a model, his dad is a famous designer, almost every little thing he does is videoed and analyzed and fawned over and seen by his fans, he cannot be himself
Adrien as chat noir means he gets to be himself, the “someone else” that’s actually just him without the stresses of his usual well known celebrity life. He gets the attention but he also gets to be silly and make jokes and express his feelings
Marinette as herself is very genuine. She’s a bit of a disaster and a nervous wreck but she expresses her emotions and she has her hobbies and she’s very animated (hah) in her feelings
Marinette as ladybug is confident and cool. She comes up with plans on the spot (hah). She pushes all of her worries and feelings to the side more often than not for the greater good. It’s just not marinette, at least not as we know her in her civilian life.
So yeah I think that they work best when they both get to be themselves, marichat 4 life
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flintbian · 1 year
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Man, life is just depressing right now
#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away#i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well...#my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too#basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps#so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either#and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better#not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me#but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless#it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease#but still getting to this point fucking sucks#and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything#and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same#literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best#and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too#and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work#the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days#so yeah. terribly terribly alone#and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point#at this point maybe i should give up too#im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books#but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth#there's not much or anything to live for#it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live#but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks#my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore?#never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here#sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment#p
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homunculus-argument · 3 months
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When it comes to high-context and low-context cultures, where one has the expectation of people understanding specific subtle nuances of what someone says, and the other has the expectation that everything needs to be explicitly said to be understood, I've heard plenty of people from low-context cultures ask "why not say what you mean and mean what you say then, why would you have to speak in riddles?" about high-context ones, like people of the latter type are just being cryptic and esoteric on purpose.
But culture does not consist of things you do on purpose, it is just the way things are done where you were raised. And when you were raised in a high-context culture, the thought of needing to explicitly state something instead of using some phrase or expression that you've learned to use comes as a culture shock, too. It's not "fuck you for not correctly understanding my riddles three", but "oh shit, I hadn't occurred to me that I would need to say that out loud."
The first time I went on a business trip to the US, my partner came with me, and we immediately discovered that he does not fare well on long flights. So when my publisher asked me about future trips, inquiring whether my partner would be coming with me, I asked him. He said that he would, if the flights weren't such a problem - he would need to travel in some way where he could get his feet up or lay down during flights, like business class or first class. Being also a finn, I understood what he meant and relayed the message as is to my publisher, not considering that they might not.
To both of our surprise, they started to actually look for first class tickets for us.
Finnish culture is a high-context one, people don't talk much and aren't very confrontational. Being demanding and putting someone else into a position where they're forced to be upfront or demanding is rude. And in finnish, saying "this would only be possible if these entirely absurd/completely impossible conditions were met" is a polite way of saying "no". You are simply explaining why something cannot be done, without either saying an explicit "no" or seeming like you're making up excuses. It offers the other party an opportunity to agree that these conditions cannot be met, so neither party will come off as confrontational or demanding.
Both me and my boyfriend considered it self-evident that the request was absurd, and could not be read as anything but a polite way to decline. It had not occurred to me that an american's natural response to "it would be impossible to do this" is to start figuring out how to do it anyway.
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inkskinned · 1 year
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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
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