#I’m a big pb&j girl this is important to me

[alltheprettyplaces]

also tell me your preferred brand AND preference for jam vs jelly in the tags pretty please

[halcyonstorm]

The Girl at the Library Chapter 2

Pairing: Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoe

Themes: College AU, Library, Fluff, Slow Burn, Falling in Love, Female Hange Zoe, Student!Levi

Word Count: 5870

Summary: Levi visits Hange in her dorm. He misses his family but is too busy to drive. Hange has a car.

Chapter: 2/3

Warning: Mild Language

Read on AO3 here

Levi went back to his dorm room after the encounter with Hange. He seemed to be walking a bit faster.

The skip in his step, unfortunately, quickly dissipated once he walked in his room. His roommate was hanging out with a few friends, two he recognized were the guys who fucked up his laptop. As soon as they saw Levi, their conversation came to a halt. The two brats nervously gathered their things and rushed out of the room. Levi shook his head in annoyance, shutting the door behind them. He placed his wet bag on the floor. Right. He was soaked from the rain. 

“Levi, good to see you,” Erwin --his roommate-- said, slightly annoyed. There was a card game set up on the small table in their dorm. Levi didn’t respond and walked past them. He always had friends over. Levi was always pissed about it. The least he could’ve done was ask. The room was small enough as it is. Also, Erwin and his friends always left a mess.  

Levi’s and Erwin’s dorm room was small. Would Hange’s room be this small? he asked himself. He felt himself get hot. He grabbed a fresh change of clothes, went to their bathroom and changed. He wore a pair of grey sweats and a white t-shirt. He hung up all his wet clothes in their shower. Levi took a deep breath, leaving the bathroom. He spent the rest of the night thinking of his new friend, and his mood was restored.

The next day couldn’t come fast enough. He woke up at 8am that morning to go on a run and to get some of his physical homework done. He also showered, spending an extra minute than usual. He wondered if he should bring something for Hange. 

“Erwin, what snacks do you have?” He asked, starting to dress in the bathroom. He put on a pair of black jeans and an olive green t-shirt.

“Uh,” he shuffled through his ‘secret’ stash. Levi knew where it was. “I’ve got chips, granola bars, ramen, peanut butter…”

What the fuck am I gonna do with peanut butter? He asked himself. 

Levi shook his head and rolled his eyes. He finished getting dressed and grabbed a few bags of chips and stuffed them in his bag. He made sure to pack his notes too.

It was finally 10:45 and he decided to leave to go to her dorm. He brought his phone, keys, wallet, and backpack with him.

“Be back later,” Levi called out before closing the door behind him. Levi began walking to her room. He had to take the elevator up four floors, making stops along the way, but he made it. 506… On his left side, there it was. On the door were two drawn cut-outs of the two residents. He recognized Hange’s drawing right away. It was colored in with colored pencils. The character had her same brown hairstyle; closed, happy eyes; oval glasses; and a big toothy smile. She wore a green long sleeve and brown pants. Her character was waving. Under her character, it has the name “Hange” in big green block letters. The other character was of a girl with short blonde hairstyle and blue eyes. Her character was smiling but had her eyes open. That must be her roommate. The name written underneath the drawing was “Nanaba” in blue bubble letters. Levi hesitantly knocked at the door after admiring the drawings.

Hange opened the door. “Hey!” “Hi.”

She invited him in. One half of the dorm room was messy and the other was averagely neat, at least in Levi’s eyes. She shut the door behind him. 

“Ehh, I’m sorry my side of the room is kinda messy,” She confessed. She had the messy side of the room. Her bed was made, but her desk was a mess. Papers, books, and food wrappers were spread out on the desk and migrated to her bed. There were at least four empty ramen containers on her desk, which she clumsily grabbed and tossed away. Hange grabbed the papers off her desk and moved them to the side, clearing the spot for him. She lazily crumpled some food wrappers and threw them in the trash, one wrapper missing and falling on the floor. Levi shuddered. How did she live like this? The foot of her bed met the left edge of the desk. Her desk was big; It had many drawers and an overhang where she had small knick knacks including small comic book figurines, plants, and books. She had a figurine of a character with a green hooded cape on who looked like a soldier. He really liked that one.

“Let me just log you on.” She bent over the chair to use the computer. Levi put his bag down next to the desk. “Thank you.” Levi said. 

“Oh, It’s nothing,” she said. After a few moments, she stood upright, backing away from the computer. “Alright! You’re good to go. If you need my help, I’m here. I have some work to do too.” He nodded, sitting down in the very comfortable desk chair. He let out a relieved sigh. Hange chuckled.

“Comfortable, right?” She asked, jumping on her bed and crossing her legs. Levi agreed. It was comfortable. It was one of those gaming-like chairs with cushions and lower back support. He noticed she had a bunch of bookmarks tabbed which were disorganized. He began to type in “Addison’s Disease” and as he did, he noticed it was recently searched. Before he could ask about it, Hange began to speak.

“I found some articles for your paper,” she explained, not looking away from her books. “I printed them out for you.” 

Levi was pleasantly surprised. He hid a smile. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

She shrugged. “Pfft. Shush. I wanted to.” There was a pause. “Oh! I made sandwiches for us. I know it’s kinda early for lunch, but I’ve been up since 6 this morning so I’m starving. I hope you like PB&J.”

Fuck! Levi thought. Erwin’s peanut butter. I could’ve made sandwiches. He mentally smacked his forehead.

“I brought some chips,” Levi added. “Take whatever you want.” He grabbed some bags from his backpack and placed them on her bed. He grabbed a blue bag of Doritos, she grabbed a bag of Fritos.

“Thanks,” she said, popping the bag open by squeezing it. Some chips flew out of the bag, falling on the bed. 

“What?” Levi asked, bewildered. Why did she open it like that?

“I’m not good with pulling the seal open…” she admitted, chuckling. Levi found it weird. Levi locked eyes with her and opened the bag by pulling the seal open with ease. Hange pouted.

“No fair.” She laughed. He was never going to get any work done if she kept distracting him. He grabbed a sandwich and ate it. He really enjoyed it, especially since she made it. 

“Thanks for lunch,” he said. He was kind of hungry anyways. 

“No problem!”

The two began to work.

-

About three hours passed before Levi finished his paper. He ended his final sentence with a loud tap of the period on the keyboard. He took a deep breath and looked Hange's way. She was prone, resting her chin in her left palm. Her feet were in the air, crossed at the ankles. She was reading a textbook and had a pen and paper on her right side, probably answering homework. She looked very studious and attractive. 

“I’m finished with my paper…” Levi said aloud. “Can I read it to you?” 

Hange quickly wrote something down on her paper, dropped the pen, and pushed herself up to sit criss-crossed.

“Yep! I’m all ears.”

He began to read through his paper. He realized during his speech that this was probably the most he’s said to Hange. He felt guilty in a way. He was bad with words, so he felt it was better if he kept his mouth shut. Hange didn’t mind, though. She enjoyed hearing him talk, as she found it very soothing. As he read, he felt her eyes on him. He finally finished reading his paper.

“I have a few suggestions on some wording, but besides that, I think it’s great,” Hange said, getting out of bed. She walked to Levi’s right, then squatted. Levi felt himself get nervous. She was really close. He thought she smelled good. 

“Scroll up a little…” she said, gesturing to him to scroll up. He did as she asked. “There. That sentence: ‘Medications used to treat Addison’s Disease include mineralocorticoids and glucocorticoids, such as fludrocortisone and hydrocortisone.’ It is kinda wordy. They’re both corticosteroids, so I think you should shorten it. You can mention the classes of the drugs in the next sentence, if you wanted to. Also, ‘A big teaching point includes following the steroid regimen exactly as prescribed. Abruptly discontinuing this medication will result in adrenal suppression.’ I think there is a better word to use than ‘big’. What about ‘important’, or ‘essential’ or ‘paramount’...”

He turned his head to look at her. Hange’s sentence had trailed off the moment he looked at her. She was stunned by his eyes. She hadn’t been this close to him, so that moment was the first time she could admire his eyes up close. They were a beautiful, piercing steel blue. When she realized he was staring back at her, she stood up, shaking out her legs nervously. 

“‘Paramount’ will do,” Levi said after a moment passed. He typed it in.

“Good job, Levi. You’ll score well with your paper,” Hange said, trying not to stutter. She meant it. She was proud of what he wrote.

“Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your help, though, four-eyes.” Hange liked the nickname. She smiled and patted his shoulder before going back to sit on her bed. She grabbed her phone and realized she didn’t have his phone number. Did he have a phone? He must have. She thinks she saw him use it once. 

“If you need my computer again, or just wanna text, I can give you my number,” Hange blurted out. When Levi looked at her, he realized she wasn’t looking at him when she asked. He agreed, handing his phone to her. 

“Go for it,” he said. He was attempting to sound ‘cool’ (and it worked). Hange reached to grab his unlocked phone. She found his contacts and put her name and number in. She sent herself a text message from his phone. She was hoping he would text her more. When she closed out to the home screen, she noticed his background was a photo of him and a small, dark haired lady.

“Is this your mother?” Hange asked, handing his phone back to him.

He looked down at his phone and nodded. “Yeah. This photo is from my first day at the university.” He had swiveled the chair to face the bed and her. “I remember she was sad to see me go, but happy too. She was proud of me.” Hange’s heart swelled. Levi seemed to remember her with a bittersweet smile. Hange frowned a bit.

“Is something wrong?” Hange asked.

“I just… haven’t seen her in a while. I’ve been so busy with assignments and exams that I haven’t had time to go visit her. Every time I have free time, I’m studying or catching up on sleep...”

“I can take you,” Hange offered instantaneously. She didn’t even have to think about it. She wanted to help her friend.

Levi’s eyes widened. “What?”

“You have to get stuff done and I have a car on campus and a license Let me take you.” She explained. Before he could bud in, she continued. “What day would you like to go? This weekend? I’m free this weekend.”

“I’d never get any studying done if we did that,” Levi said. We. 

“You didn’t say no,” Hange retorted with a smirk. “I’ll be good. I won’t distract you. Promise.”

Levi took a deep sigh. He really wanted to, more than he let on. “Saturday morning works for me.”

-

A few days passed by and now Friday came along. Levi’s paper was due in three days, so he wanted to go to the library to revise it before printing and submitting it. He knew Hange worked on Friday’s too, so he had another motive. 

His class had ended, then he was on his way to the library. When he entered, he heard laughter. Don’t people know they’re supposed to be quiet in the library? He wondered, but he didn’t pay much mind to it. There was a blonde woman standing at the front of the counter, leaning over it. He heard Hange’s voice and laugh and felt his heart skip a beat.

“I gotta see if the patron needs help,” Hange said to the girl without noticing who walked in.

“Zoe, since when do you actually care about your job?” The blonde said playfully. Hange smiled and rolled her eyes. Zoe? Hange made her way around the desk and saw Levi standing, looking at some books in the entryway.

“Levi! Good to see you,” Hange said, pleasantly surprised. She held her hands behind her back. “Computer?”

“Yeah.”

“Very good, come here.” Hange walked towards the desk, then around it. Levi stayed on the opposing side. “Levi, this is Nanaba. Nanaba, this is Levi. Nanaba is my roommate.”

“Nice to meet you, Levi,” Nanaba said, smiling at him. He nodded, exchanging pleasantries. Hange wrote his name down on the paper. “Okay, Levi. You’re all set.” He muttered a “thanks'' and then set his stuff down by the computer. He heard Nanaba whispering something to Hange. She shook her head, waving at her to follow her towards the back. Hange didn’t want to disturb Levi, and she also didn’t want Levi to hear what they were talking about.

Hange and Nanaba sat down at the table in the break room. Hange sipped on a can of soda.

“That’s Levi?” Nanaba asked, punching Hange’s shoulder playfully.

“Yeah. He’s just my friend. I don’t know why you care so much.”

“You two were in our dorm… alone?! Do I need to clean the room again?”

“No! He just had to work on his project. My side of the room is messy, though.”

“Uh huh… I can tell by the way he looks at you that you two aren’t ‘just friends’ like you claim,” Nanaba concluded, leaning back and crossing her legs.

“I told you it’s nothing,” Hange reinforced, getting flustered and annoyed. “Besides, he wouldn’t even be attracted to someone like me anyways. I am extremely messy and clumsy. His shirts are never wrinkled, and he is always extremely clean and neat.”

Nanaba rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you heard of ‘opposites attract’?” Hange made a “pfft” sound.

“That’s such bullshit.” Hange felt like Nanaba was giving her false hope.

“Well you wouldn’t be asking me for advice on your crush then if you thought the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing was bullshit, would you? No.” 

The small bell above the entrance dinged, so Hange stood up. “Nanaba, I’ve got work to do, you know. That’s what you do at a job. Also, he is not my crush. ” Nanaba sighed and stood too. “I’ll see you at home.” She waved before walking ahead. “Bye, Levi. Nice to meet you.” She said in passing. Levi said “see you” to her. The patron who walked in was the same blonde guy with a big nose from last week. Levi recognized him.

“Mike!” Nanaba exclaimed, kissing his cheek. “Good to see you. Ready to go?” Mike nodded, taking her hand. “See you later, Zoe!” She called out before the couple left together. Hange and Levi were alone again. Hange came to the front of the library where Levi was. She sat down in the chair next to him. He turned to face her. Her cheeks were red.

“What time do you want to leave tomorrow?” Hange asked, crossing her legs. 

“Is 9 good? I wanna make sure I spend enough time with her.” Levi suggested. Hange smiled. 

“That’s fine. Just let me know when you want me to pick you up then. I can stay in the area, just send me the address.”

“You can stay, you know,” Levi offered. “You… don’t have to leave.” Hange looked shocked. She was very grateful for his offer.

“Are you sure? I mean, that’s very generous-”

“Don’t question me,” Levi said, looking back at the computer. That means ‘yes, I’m sure’.

“Thanks, Levi,” Hange said, standing up. “I’ll meet you at your dorm at 9 then we can get on the road.”

“Sounds good, Zoe.”

Hange woke up early the next day. She wanted to make sure everything went perfectly. She even got up early to clean out her car, which was a mess. It was full of junk. She had a pre-owned black four-seater that was well loved. She made it as clean as possible, making sure to wipe off the seats of any crumbs. It looked acceptable, and Hange went back inside. She realized at this point how long of a walk it was from her dorm to the parking lot. Nonetheless, she took the extra trip. She wanted to make a good impression. When she got back to her dorm, she packed a small backpack. Levi had texted her the address, and it was about an hour away. It was in the city, however, so it would probably take more time. She kept reminding herself to keep her mouth shut during the car ride to help him study.

She arrived at his dorm room a bit late, around 9:10. She felt really bad about this, but Levi didn’t seem to mind. Levi wore a grey university hoodie with black jeans. It was supposed to be cold today. Hange wore a black zip-up jacket with a pair of blue jeans and white sneakers. Her hair was half-up and half-down. Levi liked those colors on her. They headed for the elevator and walked to the parking lot. Hange omitted the part of her morning where she cleaned out her car as they talked about their mornings. They reached her car. She opened the trunk. He put his bag in the trunk and shut it.

“Don’t forget to keep your books in the front so you can study. I packed snacks. If you want any just let me know,” Hange said, unlocking the front door and getting in the car. 

“Thanks,” Levi said, getting in the car. He closed the door. Hange locked the car and opened her phone. She began searching his mom’s address on the GPS. It ‘dinged’ when it found her house, and she propped her phone up in the holder.

As Hange began to drive, she noticed how Levi murmurs to himself when he studies. She can hear him repeating medications to himself and reciting the cards. Hange smiled. She found it endearing. The roads were pretty busy. They had left by 9:30am. Hange enjoyed driving, however, she wasn’t the most safe driver. She would make sudden stops, jerking Levi and Hange forward in their seats. Levi was grateful his seatbelt worked. She would make sharp turns and didn’t allow the wheel to return when the turn was finished. With one of the stops, it threw the cards that were in his lap on the floor. Levi took a deep sigh, packing up his cards.

“Sorry, Levi.”

“I’m taking a break,” Levi said, closing his eyes. “I have this exam coming up and it’s all about antihypertensive medications. There are too many, I think I’m going to develop hypertension.”

Hange laughed out loud. “They aren’t that bad. You’ve gotta come up with songs and mnemonics to remember them, then it's easy!” Levi scoffed.

“Do I look like someone who comes up with songs to remember things?” Levi asked, crossing his arms.

“No,” Hange quickly replied. “But you happen to be sitting next to someone who does. Read some of the meds to me.”

“Oh, god. No,” Levi moaned, opening the window. The breeze made his hair blow in the wind. Hange was lucky enough to catch a glance. She caught a whiff of his shampoo.

“I will stop this car right now,” Hange threatened playfully, raising her voice. She made a jolting stop at a light. Levi jerked forward again and groaned.

“Fine.”

He pulled his cards out of his backpack again, finding the medication cards. “First are the ACE inhibitors. These medications include the -prils… Lisinopril, enalapril. These help lower the blood pressure by inhibiting the action of angiotension converting enzyme, which causes vasoconstriction. Adverse effects include high potassium, orthostatic hypotension, angioedema, persistent coughing…”

“Hmmm… ACE,” Hange said proudly. Levi shook his head in confusion. “What?”

“ACE: Angioedema, Cough, hypErkalemia.” Levi was shocked. “Thanks…” He murmured.

“Give me another one,” Hange challenged. Levi shuffled through his stack. “What about Beta blockers?”

“Ah…” Hange sighed. “Tell me about them. I only know so much, you know.” You can’t say you know then say I know that you only know so much. You are confusing, Levi thought.

“Beta blockers act on beta1 and beta2-adrenergic receptors, which can affect the heart, lungs, and bladder. These will lower blood pressure, as well as cause bradycardia, hypoglycemia, fatigue, and bronchospasms in patients with respiratory issues such as asthma and COPD,” Levi explained. Hange was so happy. She was helping him, and got to hear him talk. She decided at that moment that she loved his voice.

“Beta blockers seem to slow everything down,” Hange began. “Beta blockers make everything low and slow, right? They lower heart rate and blood pressure, they lower blood sugar, quote en quote ‘lower energy’ by causing fatigue… That’s what I would try to remember.”

Levi was impressed, and he isn’t impressed easily. She was extremely clever with her mnemonics, and she wasn’t even a pharmacology major.

“You are…” Levi began. Hange looked at him for a moment while they stopped at another light. He felt woozy, but in a good way. She looked nice. “Such a nerd.” Hange beamed.

“I’ll help you more later but I gotta focus on the road now. Levi smiled, putting his cards away. Hange noticed this, and turned the radio on. She got distracted trying to pick a channel, which made Levi frantic.

“I will pick a channel. Focus on the road, four-eyes,” He decided, shaking his head. His heart almost fell out of his chest. He made a mental note to never let her drive him anywhere again. Hange sighed, submissively agreeing, putting both hands on the wheel. They got into the city. Hange hadn’t been to the city often, even though it was not too far away. Levi disliked the city. It was too loud for him. Being out at the Uni didn’t make it as easy for him to sleep as he had originally thought. He was used to hearing the hustle and bustle of the city, that his ears buzzed with silence at night time on campus. Levi attempted to give Hange directions as they weaved their way through the busy roads. She almost got into two car accidents. She just laughed it off, but Levi was frazzled.

Finally, Levi thought. Out of the main city. Levi took a deep, deep breath. His mom lived on the outskirts of the city, which was very convenient. They were almost there. Hange finally found the house and pulled into the driveway. The house was small and a dark navy blue. Hange parked the car, and opened the trunk. She handed Levi his bag and they headed to the door. Hange was standing awfully close behind him which made him nervous. He knocked on the door.

A few moments later, the door opened. A beautiful lady opened the door. She had raven hair, steel blue eyes, and a beautiful smile.

“Levi!” She exclaimed, smiling wide. She hugged him. Levi patted her back, and Hange saw a smile creep on his face. “What a pleasant surprise!”

“Good to see you, mom. I wanted to visit.” They broke away and his mom peered over his shoulder. 

“Who’s this?”

“This is my friend, Hange,” Levi said, introducing Hange. She smiled and put out her hand. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Ackerman.” His mom shook her hand.

“Call me Kuchel,” She insisted. She invited them in. 

“Hange actually drove me today,” Levi began, setting his bags down on the side. “I needed to study so she offered to drive…” He wasn’t sure why he told his mom this information. Maybe he felt he needed an excuse as to why he came with a girl.

“That’s so lovely! Well I’m glad the two of you decided to come down. Uncle Kenny will be stopping by later. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you. Miss Hange, are you staying for dinner?”

Hange blushed, scratching her head. “I’d love to, if that’s okay.”

“Great! Make yourself at home.”

Hange admired his house. It was very cozy and extremely neat. There was a big open living room area when they first walked in, a kitchen and dining room to their left, and other rooms to the right. It smelt of clean laundry. She liked it a lot. There were assorted pictures hung on the wall. She shoved her hands in her pockets as she admired the photos. Kuchel had a photo of Levi hanging, which Hange stared at for the longest. It was a photo of Levi with his mom at an event, most likely high school graduation. The photo was taken outside on a sunny day. He wore a blue cap and gown. Kuchel’s arm was around his shoulder, smiling wide. Levi wore a small smile. She saw another picture, which was of Kuchel and an older man with long hair. Hange suddenly felt a tug at her sleeve. Levi.

“Take your shoes off,” he said. Hange slipped her shoes off and put them on the rack. 

“Levi! Hange!” Kuchel called. “Would you like some tea?” They both agreed. They wandered into the small dining room and sat across from each other. Hange liked how Levi looked that day. He looked comfortable. His grey sweater made his eyes stand out. He almost caught her standing. Kuchel carefully brought over the steeped pot of tea and sat down at the head of the table.

“I boiled some earl grey tea, I hope that’s okay. That’s Levi’s favorite,” Kuchel said, cupping both her hands around the teacup. Levi picked his tea cup up by placing his fingers around the rim, taking a slow sip.

“Hange,” Kuchel said, smiling at the girl. “How do you guys meet?”

Oh great. Here she goes.

“Well, Levi happened to come to the library I work at to work on his project. I was able to help him out… Although I study botanicals, I read a lot so I know a lot about different topics. One of them happens to be drugs. Medications, I mean. So, anyways, he and I started talking and hanging out and whatnot. And here we are,” Hange explained. When she finished, she looked at Levi. He was staring at her. Her eyes lit up again, and Levi couldn’t look away. Doesn’t everyone know they shouldn’t stare into the sun?

“That’s lovely!” Kuchel exclaims. She sips her tea. “Levi usually doesn’t ask for help. But I’m glad you were able to help him. I remember back in elementary school, he would always insist on doing the projects himself. My stubborn boy. He gets that from me, you know. I can be so stubborn sometimes.” She took a pause, and Levi jumped in.

“Mom,” Levi intervened. Kuchel looked at her son. Kuchel could tell she may have been embarrassing him. “I’m gonna go study.” Come with me, Hange, he wanted to add. Hange finished her tea, and stood up. “Thank you for the tea, Kuchel. I’d love to hear more of your stories, but I offered to help Levi study.” Kuchel smiled, squeezing Hange’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, go on ahead.” The two nodded. Levi led her down the hall, and opened a door. It looked like Levi’s bedroom. It was extremely tidy. He also had a desk. It wasn’t too big, but did the job. He had some drawers with some photos on top. He kept the door open.

“You can take the desk chair. I’ll sit on the bed,” Levi concluded. He sat on the bed, pulling his knees up. He took out his drug flash cards.

“Levi, do you have a white board? Or poster board?” Hange asked. 

“Why?”

“You’ll see.” Levi remembered he had an easel in the back of his closet. He stood up to retrieve it. He finally set it up. It was wide, which was perfect. It’s spotless, Hange thought. It’s like he never used it.

“My mom got this for me but I have yet to use it,” Levi said. Did he hear me?

“Okay,” Hange began. “So, we talked about ACE inhibitors and Beta Blockers, right? So, let’s go through the rest and compare them all.” She took out a purple marker, beginning to write on the board. In the center, she wrote “Anti-HTN Meds”. She drew an arrow to the left corner, writing “ACE Inhibitors” and writing all its information. She did the same with Beta Blockers.

“What’s next?” Hange asked, looking at Levi.

“Thiazide diuretics,” Levi sighed. “This is HCTZ. It helps lower blood pressure by removing fluids from the body, resulting in diuresis. Side effects include hypokalemia and hyponatremia, orthostatic hypotension.” Hange wrote as he spoke. He was surprised she can write so fast. 

“Okay! So, it seems that a common theme is orthostatic hypotension, no?” She questioned, not facing him. She grabbed a red marker to write “orthostatic hypotension” and replaced the other one written. As Levi read off multiple classifications of medications, Hange created the web. She made a map that connected the similarities of the medications, while making it organized enough to understand the differences. Levi was impressed for the second time that day. Hange was sincerely helping him conceptualize and comprehend the information. Then, he realized Hange hadn’t sat down since they began studying. 

“Oi, don’t break your back,” Levi said. 

“Haha! I’m fine! I’ve only been standing since around 11 am...” She took her phone out of her pocket and turned it on for the time. “...it’s almost 3 now! Wow! We really pushed through for hours! That’s fantastic!” She smiled wide at him, but Levi could tell she was exhausted from standing.

Levi hopped off his bed. “Lay down,” He ordered. Hange furrowed her brows, but didn’t protest. She sprawled supine on his bed, sighing. “Thanks, Levi,” She exhaled, closing her eyes. His bed was still a bit warm from when he was occupying it. It was lower than her bed at her dorm, but she liked it. 

“Let’s take a break,” Levi decided. He had a small flatscreen TV mounted on the wall in his room. He walked to the TV to grab the remote, and turned it on. He admired Hange for a brief moment as he passed her to sit in the desk chair. She looked tired. He put on a crime documentary. Hange perked up automatically. Her eyes widened with interest.

“Honestly, I’m not surprised you like these,” Levi assumed. She chuckled and replied: “I guess we’re both freaks after all.” It made Hange’s heart happy that they had something in common. She was worried Levi wouldn’t like her since she was so different from him, but maybe she had a chance now. She was so absorbed in the show that she didn’t realize Levi left the room to grab something to eat. Levi greeted his mom.

“Hi, honey,” Kuchel responded. “How’s Hange?”

“She’s fine. I wanted to get us something to eat.”

“Oh! You’re in luck,” Kuchel cheered, opening a cabinet to grab two bowls. “I just heated up some soup for myself. Would you like some? It’s wild rice.”

“Sounds good,” Levi replied. Kuchel filled two bowls. 

“She’s pretty, your friend Hange,” Kuchel said. She wasn’t facing Levi when she spoke. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you two ended up dating. You seem to like her a lot.” Levi felt his face flush bright red.

“Thanks for the food,” He ignored her comment, taking the bowls to his room. He made sure to keep his face out of his mother’s sight. Kuchel giggled softly to herself. She knew he wouldn’t dare to reply to a comment that he knew was true.

He came back to the room with the two bowls. “Here’s lunch,” He said, handing her the bowl. Hange was sitting with her knees to her chest, intently staring at the screen. She looked toward him when he spoke, accepting the bowl in two cupped hands. “Thank you!” She smiled wide. He smiled too. He loved her smile. “When did you get this, anyways?”

“I left the room to get it. I said, ‘Hange, I’m getting us lunch.’ You didn’t hear me?”

Hange chuckled in embarrassment. “I guess I was too absorbed in the show. Sorry.” Levi shook his head lightly and sat down. He attempted to move the chair closer to the bed without her noticing. He was successful. Hange was sitting up on the bed with her legs criss-crossed, bowl in her lap. Levi was cross-legged in the desk chair, which was right next to the bed. Hange didn’t seem to mind or even notice until she had turned to look to her right, and she realized Levi was so close to her. His face was really close. He felt her staring, but couldn’t dare to look back. His heart would’ve exploded. 

“You’re staring is creeping me out, four-eyes,” Levi said, startling Hange.

“Oh, yeah?” Hange chuckled. She suddenly grabbed his chin and turned his head towards hers. His wide eyes were staring into hers now. He felt like his heart was about to explode. “What about now?”

“...Creep,” He murmured. The tone of his voice changed entirely compared to his previous statement. Hange noticed this. His voice was soft and nervous. Levi felt his whole body start to heat up. He felt his heart throbbing in his head. He felt his breath hitch in his throat. He gently placed his hand on her cheek. She accepted his touch. He leaned in hesitantly, closing his eyes. Hange did the same, and finally there was no space between them anymore. Their lips collided.  She kissed his lips softly, as if she was nervous to kiss too hard. Levi had kissed girls before, but it was never like this. Never so emotional. Never so breathtaking. Never so soft or warm or gentle. He never wanted it to end. He was smitten by her. Their lips parted. She wasn’t extremely close after they parted, but she kept her eyes focused on his. Hange felt her heart pulsating in her chest. He looked into her rich hazel eyes again. He swore he fell in love with her in that instant.

[fictionalabyss]

No crusts.

Pairings : Beta!Ash x Omega!Reader

Word count : 1,621

Written for : @spnabobingo​

Square : Love at first smell

Warning : preschool for part of the fic, love at first smell, Au where your mate smells like your favorite memories, baby Ash is super shy. Drinking, playing pool, mention of a supernatural murder & missing person, a bit of fear, Ash feels the need to be protective. Double break is a big time jump.

Masterlist • Patreon • Ko-fi.

SPN A/B/O Bingo Round 5 Masterlist.

He remembers it like it was yesterday. He was, what? Four, maybe five years old the first time he smelt it. He hadn’t wanted to go, fought his parents the whole way, wanted to stay home with his mom. They were standing at the gate, tears in his eyes as he begged her not to make him go inside, and then suddenly the tears stopped. He could smell something, something like he’d never smelt before from another person.

He looked around, searching for it. A girl skipped past him, the smell of fresh baked cookies and peanut butter and jam sandwiches filling his nose as she did. His two favorite things. Her eyes were big and bright, her smile wide as she let go of the hand she held and hurried through the gates without a look back at her parent, and he couldn’t tear his eyes off her.

“Ash?” He looked up at his mother, her knowing smile softening her face. “You ready to go in now?” He nodded. “Go on. I’ll be back to pick you up later.” He started for the gate when she called out to him again and he turned. “There’s cookies in your lunch bag, in case you want to share them with someone special.”

“Thanks mama.” he grinned with a wave before rushing past the gate, into the yard and towards the door.

Inside the building, he saw her again, putting her bag in her cubby. He stood where he was, just watching her. Her scent lingering in his nose. She smiled at other kids who said good morning to her, and he found himself wanting to talk to her too, but not knowing what to say. Then she turned to him and smiled. His whole damn heart melted.

“You must be Ash.” A voice from above him grabbed his attention and he looked up at the woman who stood there with clasped hands and a friendly smile. “I’m Miss Emily. I’ll be your teacher.” Ash looked from his new teacher to the girl he couldn’t stop watching, but she was turned away again, skipping her way into the classroom. “Come on. I’ll show you where you can put your stuff, and then we’ll go inside and meet everyone. I’ll even let you pick the first activity we do today, how does that sound?”

“Do you have clay?” he asked softly.

“We do.” She smiled wider seeing him open up just a little. “Do you like working with your hands, getting them dirty?” Ash nodded. “Then we’ll start with arts and crafts today.”

When lunch time rolled around, Ash wasn’t sure where to sit, until he saw an empty seat next to the one person he’d wanted to talk to all day. Quickly, but quietly, he moved to the seat and sat in it before anyone else could, not that anyone else seemed to be running for it like he was, but he had to be sure. She looked up at him and smiled again, and Ash ducked his face away, blushing profusely.

She just turned back to her lunch.

It was quiet as she ate, Ash too shy to even look at her. He opened his lunch box and smiled seeing his favorite, peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off.

“You don’t like crusts either?” Ash’s head snapped up, surprised she was talking to him. Then he looked down to the sandwich bag that had torn crusts in it. “I told my mom, but she keeps giving me crusts..”

Ash was quiet again, surprised she’d spoken to him and unsure what to say. He looked down at his lunch again, at the snack bag tucked in next to his juice box. Home made chocolate chip cookies that his mother had made last night to cheer him up about going to school. He remembered the words she’d said to him before he went inside.

He slid the small bag over, and she looked up at him again. “My mom made them.” he whispered quietly. “D-do you want one?”

“Really?” Ash nodded. “Yeah!”

The way her face lit up, the way she moved just a touch closer to him, Ash was done for. He happily opened the bag and gifted her the biggest, chocolatiest cookie he had. He watched as she disregarded the rest of her sandwich and bit into the cookie, quick to tell him it was the best cookie she’d ever had.

It was in that moment that Ash decided this, this girl was his best friend in the whole world.

And if he ever took a mate and married, it would be her.

He’s not sure how many PBR’s he’s knocked back at this point, as Ash leaned over the table and lines up the shot, breathing a moment before taking it. The person he’s playing against grumbles and he laughs as he reaches for his beer. “You should have known better.” he teased.

“Though you were drunk enough to beat this time.”

Ash is about to take another swig when the smell hits him. It smells like home, like his childhood. All his best memories and the past he’d long ago moved on from. The bottle comes down, and he swallows down nothing in particular and turns, eyes on the door. It stands open and he's frozen watching the person standing there.

“You sure you’re in the right place, sweetheart?” someone calls out from a corner table, and Ash feels the need to go over there and deck them when he sees the way you duck your head to hide your face. He’s scared you're going to leave.

“Can I get you anything, sugar?” Ellen calls from the bar, and he’s grateful at the way you look up with mild relief before heading over and take a seat in a stool. He sees the way you hesitate to drink the beer she hands you.

He hasn’t seen you in so goddamn long that he’d almost forgotten. How beautiful you were to him. How great your scent was. The Omega of his damn dreams. He needs to do something, say something, before he loses you again.

“Ellen.” he starts forward, getting the older woman's attention. “It's on me. Her drinks, they’re on me.”

“I can pay for my own drinks.” you try to interrupt, but he just gives Ellen a look, and she nods, walking off down the bar. You’re looking at him now, really looking at him. “You look familiar..”

Ash smiles. “We went to school together once. Kinda had a crush on you.” he chuckled awkwardly.

“Pb&J!” Ash’s smile fell, as he watched your face. “Pb&J and cookies, every day, right? That’s you! You, wow you look so different.” you chuckle. “Ash, I think, right? What are you doing here?”

“I work here.” he smiles. “Well, and live here..” he casually glances around, and he feels almost ashamed at the state of the place. It’s not dirty, not at all, but it’s not exactly pristine. Probably far from what you’re used to.

“That’s cool.”

“What are you doing here? This place ain't exactly your usual dive bar..”

“I-” He sees the smile fall from your lips and you look away. “I was told I could come here for help…”

“Help with what?”

You swallowed. “My dad.. So-something killed my dad, and my brother.. he’s missing.”

“That’s something you should call the police about-”

“No!” you looked at him, fear in your eyes. “They don’t believe me, they think I’m crazy! It wasn’t a person! It was… I don’t.. I don’t know. I’m scared.. I’m so scared.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He tried to soothe you. “Dr Badass is in.” he gave you a reassuring smile. “I think I know who can help. Best of the best. I’m going to make a call, okay?” You nodded, and he left you to your beer. He was back a few minutes later. “They’ll be here day after tomorrow. You got somewhere to stay?”

You gave him a small nod. “Motel in town.” Ash nodded. “I uh- I had a crush on you too, you know.”

“What?”

You nodded and smiled. “You gave me cookies. How could I not like the boy who kept feeding me the best cookies in town.” He smiled softly at that. “What happened? You just stopped hanging around, you vanished on me.”

“You were an omega.” He shrugged. “I ended up being just a beta.”

“The best smelling Beta I ever met.” He gave you a confused look. “You smelled like smores over a campfire.” you smiled at him. “And root beer. God, I loved root beer.” you chuckled at that.

“You smelled like my lunch.”

You furrowed your brow at that and laughed. “Like your lunch?”

He nodded. “Peanut butter and jelly no crusts, and cookies fresh from the oven.” he smiled. “Reminded me of home, of mom, all my favorite things. I’ve been in love since I smelt it that very first time.”

You chewed on your bottom lip for a minute before pulling a receipt out of your pocket, checking to make sure it wasn't something important, then asked Ellen for a pen. Once you got it, you started writing.

“What’s that?” he asked, when you held it out.

“My room number. And my phone number.”

“Right, for when my friends get here.” he takes it and looks down at the paper, committing the number to memory.

“Or, in case you ever want to share cookies with me again.” As scared as you were about everything that had happened in your life in the last few months, it felt so good to see him again and have your nose filled with a scent that had always made you smile.

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[demonsonthemoon]

The Flood and its Aftermath

Fandom: Supernatural Pairings: N/A Word Count: 1861 Summary: Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing. Note: I set out to write what was meant to NOT be a coming-out fic. Then it turned into a coming-out fic. Turns out writing what you would have wanted coming out to feel like is really therapeutic? Who would have guessed.Anyway, Sam Winchester is a non-binary lesbian in my heart.

Read it on AO3.

Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing.

The silver lining being that, with the lives they lived, there was really only one person she needed to come out to.

Dean.

Dean Winchester, the manly man who thought he was making fun of Sam by calling her a girl. The kind of guy who would refuse a good drink if it came in a pink bottle.

But Sam wasn't stupid and they knew better. Dean wasn't as much of an asshole as he made himself out to be, not really. That kind of bullshit was just the best way that Dean had found to protect himself.

Still. The hypermasculine posturing hadn't exactly been reassuring to Sam considering that he needed to tell his brother he was trans.

He'd thought that coming out would be the hardest, because it was the first step, the one that was supposed to open the floodgates.

In the end, it had been relatively easy. The anticipation had been awful, a crawling feeling under his skin where guilt and fear mingled.

People could argue all they wanted that lying by omission wasn't technically lying but it sure felt the same way to Sam. She wasn't sure what telling Dean would change, which was perhaps what made it so scary. She knew, however, that she couldn't physically keep it a secret anymore, that it was making her sick inside.

Besides, secrets had nearly ruined their relationship many times over.

She was sick of that too.

So there came a day, in the bunker, in front of a dinner Dean had lovingly prepared (because he cooked now, more than spaghetti-Os and PB&J sandwiches) where Sam told their brother that they were trans.

Dean's first reaction was confusion. His second was awkward laughter. Which was followed by more confusion. Sam let him work through it, knowing Dean needed to get past his surprise before they could really start talking.

Sure enough, Dean frowned deeply before asking : “When you say you're transgender, you mean you feel like a woman?”

“No. Well, not exactly. It's more like... Like there's a spectrum between being a man and being a woman and I'm somewhere on that spectrum. It moves around a lot. Most often these days I feel closer to womanhood, I guess, but it's never really one or the other so it's hard to tell.”

“So... what, you don't feel like a guy, but you're not a woman either?”

“Yeah. Something like that. Non-binary is the term. I guess technically I'm genderfluid, but I like non-binary.”

“How long have you...?”

Sam shrugged. “Depends on what you mean. I only put a word to it maybe... a year ago? Two years? But looking back... I think I might have felt this way for a long time. Especially in college. I was just... curious. About gender, queerness. I thought I was a straight guy, though, and it felt... I don't know. Voyeuristic? So I didn't really explore it. And there were times, then and later, when something didn't feel right, but I just blamed that on everyrhing else that was wrong with me.”

“You know that's not true, right?”

“What?”

“That there's something wrong with you. There's not.”

“Dean-”

“I mean it. This isn't wrong. And all the rest of it...” The demon blood. His psychic powers. The memories of a body without a soul and of a soul being tortured. “It's all stuff that was done to you. It's not who you are.”

Sam wasn't sure he wholly agreed with his brother. He wasn't convinced you could separate the essence of a soul from all that had shaped it throughout the years. That particular line of thinking had backfired every time he had tried it. But this wasn't the time to have that conversation.

“I know it's not wrong,” Sam said, only addressing one part of Dean's argument. “That's why I'm telling you. Being non-binary... It feels right. It feels like me.”

“Okay,” Dean replied. Then, with slightly more assurance: “Okay. So... what does it change? Do I call you like... my sister? Or... my sibling, I guess?”

Sam smiled. The apprehension they'd been feeling for almost an entire days was quickly dissolving, leaving behind relief and a fierce kind of love.

“Yeah. I'd like that. Either of them. I mean... It's fine if you don't, I get that it's-”

“Dude.” Dean winced right after interrupting them. “Not-dude. Whatever. I'm probably gonna mess up. A lot. Like I just did. But you've got to let me try. You told me this because it's important to you, right? So you need to let me know how I can make you more comfortable. Not just what's okay or what's easier but what you actually prefer. Okay?”

Sam held up her hands. “Yeah. Okay. Sorry, it's just... It's complicated. I'm not actually planning on transitioning medically. Can't really afford to, not with the risk of someone looking into one of our fake IDs. And before you suggest black market hormones – I know that look in your eyes, don't deny it – I just don't want to. This is the body I've got. It took me years to stop feeling like there was something wrong with it, but I'm finally getting there. I don't wanna change it. But that means... I'm always gonna look pretty masculine, okay? Even if that's not how I feel, I get that that's what other people see. And that's... okay. It's how it is. I don't want to come out to everyone I meet, there's no point and it's just none of their business. So sticking to masuline language is better. It's not just easier, although that's part of it. It's more comfortable than always being put on the spot.

“Okay. That... It sucks that you even have to think like that, but I get it.”

Sam shot her brother a grateful look. She doubted whether he really did get it, whether he understood how painful and frustrating it had been to come to these conclusions after finally finding ways to explore her gender identity. But all that mattered was that he was trying.

“What about when it's just us then?”

“You could... switch? Pronouns, I mean. Sometimes he, sometimes she. Singular they. Same with gendered words, when there's no neutral way to say something.

Dean stayed silent for a few seconds. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, not looking at Sam when he finally spoke. “Tell me if I say something fucked up, okay? I know I'm not always the most... sensitive, when it comes to those things.”

Sam nodded in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“From what you said about-” He made a vague hand gesture. “- fluid genders, I get that it makes sense to switch pronouns. But you also said you felt more feminine, right? And I... I'm so used to seeing you as my brother and as a guy, so...”

Dean paused, as if waiting for Sam to tell him off for what he'd just said. But they wouldn't do that, because they knew it was true and that Dean wasn't saying this to prove a point about who Sam really was.

“I just think that if you let me call you he, I won't actually be able to switch to thinking of you as anything else.”

A bittersweet emotion bloomed under Sam's tongue, making him choke and his eyes water. Sam had argued with himself, again and again, and he'd figured it was easier to give his brother an out. It would hurt less like this, he'd thought, less than if he'd asked for more and had had to face his brother's failures full-on.

But Dean was flat-out refusing to take the easy way out.

Sam knew his expression probably looked ridiculous, but he smiled. Wide and bright, and with his eyes still prickling.

“She and they work, then. Thank you.”

Dean looked embarrassed. “Sure.”

He wasn't looking at her, but Sam didn't mind. She was happy. She basked in the silence between them, silence that was no longer heavy with secrets.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Mmh?”

“Is it still funny if I call you Samantha?”

Sam laughed, despite themself. Dean's grin was shy in return.

“It was never funny, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

So that, it turned out, had been the easy part.

The hard stuff came after.

The hard stuff was finding a way to get Dean to stop walking on eggshells around her everytime he had to correct himself on pronouns. The hard stuff was learning to correct Dan herself, forcing herself to stop letting it slide despite every part of her that screamed it wasn't a big deal and that it was safer to say nothing. The hard stuff was learning to know herself and then have that knowledge be stripped away by the gaze of strangers every time she and Dean went out in public.

Sam had learned to love his body out of necessity. Because they knew how easy it was to lose control of it, and because most days it was the only thing they could rely on. Years of living amongst demons and angels had taught them that the physical form was only a vessel. And so it hurt when other people couldn't understand that.

There was another thing that the hunter's life had taught Sam. Pain was easier to deal with when you were used to it. But it didn't take long to lose that habit.

And so the sweetest moments, the euphoria of knowing and of feeling known, they made the other times even more difficult. They made the casual assumptions and the well-meaning but off-track comments feel like a constant weight over their shoulders.

The hardest thing, in all of this, was that Sam couldn't get angry. He couldn't fault people for not instinctively realizing what had taken them 30 years to figure out. He couldn't complain about people using the wrong pronouns, not when he used them himself. He couldn't begrudge people for not seeing him for who he was, not when he didn't know how to make that person intelligible in any sort of language.

And so Sam couldn't get angry. They got tired instead, the kind of fatigue that settled into their bones like it had in the first few months of that year when Dean had been in Purgatory and Sam had been driving because he didn't know what else they could do.

On those days, Sam kept going because she knew there was no better option. And she knew, in her heart, that this was only a matter of having lost the habit. She knew that it only hurt so bad because the ache wasn't constant anymore, because there were moments (with herself, then with Dean, then with Castiel and Jack and Jody too) where she could be herself without it being a question, where she existed not only in translation but in the glory of her own tongue, and when she didn't have to try.

The wise man asks the fool:

Why do you hurt yourself so?

Because it feels so good when the pain stops.

[sethrine-writes]

Devil-sitter May Cry, Ch. 4

Pairing: Dante x F!Reader, Vergil x F!Reader (Undecided)

Words:  1844

Warning:  Cuteness, Defensive/protective Nero, Demon attack

Story Summary: Low on cash and desperate for a job, you reply to a flyer for a babysitting position. Little did you know that the opportunity to watch over two special boys would bring your life so much mayhem and adventure…and, perhaps, a chance at a family of your own.

A/N: First day continues, and with some unexpected excitement at the end!

------

Chapter 4 - First Day Surprises

The rest of the morning went by rather smoothly.

After cleaning up breakfast, you made your way upstairs and found the boys' shared bedroom where a fully dressed V was helping a flailing Nero fix his inside-out shirt. V was laughing the whole time and telling his cousin to be still as he attempted to pull the shirt over his head, of which somehow had gotten stuck in a way only an unsupervised child could manage.

As soon as Nero's head breached the opening, he sucked in an exaggerated breath as if he had been suffocating the whole time and fell over dramatically, forcing V into another fit of giggles that also had him on the floor.

The following games the boys played using their imaginations had very similar effects, with Nero playing eager dramatics that would lead V into either laughter or equally as dramatic monologues. There were pirates and space stations, a dragon on the moon, six-eyed skeletons belonging to a race of demons who went extinct "a bajillion years ago" trying to become cowboy outlaws, and so on.

The imagination of a child was endless, it seemed, and their playing made for quite the entertaining morning.

Lunch was an easy fix of pb&j sandwiches and a side of grapes. Much to your relief, V ate rather well, nearly finishing his half-sandwich and all but three grapes, of which Nero was happy to finish off for him.

When asked, yet again, if you were going to eat, too, you had to assure a very concerned looking V that you had something in your bag that you would eat later. Granted, it was just a protein bar, and after your quick and meager breakfast that morning, it definitely wouldn't be enough to fully curb your hunger. It felt impolite to partake in whatever they had in the fridge, however, so it would have to do.

Playtime resumed outside with chalk drawings for all of an hour before you began to notice V's sluggishness, despite his best efforts to keep up with Nero's near ceaseless energy. You suggested some quiet time in the main room -living room, or maybe it was considered an office?- and had no trouble getting V to climb up next to you on the worn leather sofa with a pillow.

Two minutes of stillness, and V was out like a light.

Keeping Nero entertained while his cousin napped was surprisingly easy, though you had a feeling this was a normal enough routine that he knew how to play quietly on his own so as not to disturb his cousin. Giving him a snack and asking him all sorts of imaginative questions while he nibbled on more grapes and cheese crackers occupied the next half hour.

When V joined you both in the kitchen with bleary eyes and the cutest little pout, you offered him a snack, as well, though all he was interested in was a small cup of juice.

Nero was more than eager to get back to their play, though with a little prompting from you, he was a bit more patient and waited for V to wake up fully. It didn't take too long for him to perk back up and ease into their make-believe world yet again, and you were subjected once more to their antics for a while longer.

At one point, the phone on the desk began to ring. You shushed the boys down just a bit as you answered with the business' name, just as Dante had instructed you to, and jotted down some details that seemed important from the possible client on the other end. When you finished, you turned back around to find a peculiar sight.

"A cat?"

The boys were both cooing at and petting a sleek black cat that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, its tail swaying in an inviting way as it sashayed back and forth between them. There had been no mention of a pet, no signs of treats or toys or a litter box of any sort - no signs of a cat in the shop at all, and yet, there it was.

Your mind immediately wandered to V and his allergies, suddenly concerned that he would have a flair-up. Vergil hadn't mentioned any allergies to animals, but it was still something you were wary of.

"Where did this little guy come from?" you questioned lightly as you came closer, though mindful in not scaring off the feline, lest it was hard to catch.

"She's a girl," Nero corrected quickly with a little glare and a miffed tone.

"Be nice, she didn't know," V scolded with a gentle tone, earning a puffy-cheeked pout from his cousin.

"Thank you for telling me," you told Nero, anyway, before turning your attention back to V as you crouched down. "I didn't know you guys had a cat. I haven't seen her around all day, and your dads didn't mention her at all."

"Shadow's special," V semi-whispered behind his cupped hand as if guarding his words like a secret.

"She likes to go off and play other places," Nero supplied, reaching for the cat's tail and giving a gentle tug that had Shadow swishing the sleek appendage about just a tad faster, not aggravated, just acknowledging.

"But she always comes back to us," V affirmed, immediately cooing at Shadow as she rubbed her head against his arm. "Papa says he found her one day on a mission, and they have a bond, now."

"Oh, that's very sweet," you crooned, smiling as you continued to watch the boys pet over the cat.

You paid especially close attention to V and his breathing, though even after a solid five minutes within constant contact of the feline, he seemed to be doing just fine. It gave you some relief, especially knowing that even Nero would have said something if V were to have had some sort of ill reaction. If you had learned one thing already, it was that Nero was highly protective of V in any and all aspects.

"Miss, I'm thirsty," V spoke up suddenly, those vibrant green eyes of his looking to you imploringly. "Can I have some water, please?"

You smiled and asked if Nero wanted something, too, before standing and making your way into the kitchen. The fridge didn't have one of those ice makers in it, though you remembered there being a filtered pitcher of water on the top shelf beside the milk, of which you made full use of.

Returning from the kitchen, your smile fell instantly as a look of absolute horror settled across your features and seeped into your very being. The cup of water slipped right through your fingers, clattering to the floor and garnering the attention of the creature that was hovering over Nero's prone form, its teeth bared.

"D-Don't move," you spoke out firmly to the boys, trying to will your voice from shaking as your mind caught up to the unexpected turn of events.

Were the boys hurt? How did that thing get in?

The large creature, almost resembling that of a black panther, must have taken your talking as invitation to continue whatever it was doing beforehand, a low rumble of a growl coming from its throat as it turned back to a struggling Nero.

“Hey! Hey, hey, hey, no!” you shouted, taking a few hurried steps closer in panic.

A hefty growl left the creature as it finally turned its full attention to you, the noise vibrating the air and causing your stomach to drop. It stepped away from Nero as it began to prowl its way toward you with purpose, fur shifting and lighting up with flashes of red runes within the pitch blackness as it advanced.

A demon, then? 

Your instincts were telling you to get out of there, that you were in immediate, and rather obvious, danger. You were also highly aware of the two little boys whose lives were infinitely more important, and despite the fear that had your knees damn near collapsing in on themselves as you slowly backed up, you had to at least try and lead the creature away with the hope that the boys’ fathers would be home soon to save them, should you perish.

"That's it, come pick on me, you big, sharp furball," you muttered beneath your breath, eyes darting to the boys for a quick second.

Nero was sitting up, thankfully, looking rather confused but otherwise unmarred, and V was-

"V, no, stay back!" you shouted while throwing your hand up, stopping the boy from advancing any closer, those bright green eyes of his big and concerned.

Everything happened so fast, after that.

There was growling, a short, clipped roar, a scream leaving your lips as the creature leapt towards you. You met the floor rather hard, though it was to be expected when a demonic feline was two seconds away from tearing out your jugular.

Your eyes closed tightly, hands and fingers tangled in impossibly dark fur out of instinct to protect yourself. The creature loomed closer, a large paw pressing into your shoulder, hot breaths washing over your cheek as it leaned in-

And gave a warm, rough pass of its tongue over your cheek.

The sound that left your lips was most decidedly a whimper, though your body was still in the fight-or-flight mode when another lick was given to your face, the pass much longer and even going into your hair.

The panic slowly ebbed into confused wonder as a low rumbling sound started up from the creature, not a growl, but more akin to a purr that was so deep it nearly vibrated your bones.

And then the demon made itself comfortable and laid upon you, forcing a rush of air from your lungs you hadn't realized you were holding. You struggled to gasp a breath in at the sheer heft of the creature doing its very best at crushing your lungs as well as all your other body parts, absentmindedly letting out a very confused, very distressed noise at yet another turn of events you hadn’t seen coming.

What in the actual hell was going on?

"-dow! Shadow, that was very rude!"

At the sound of V’s angry little voice, you opened your eyes, blinking several times as you hesitantly looked up.

Several pairs of eyes were looking down at you, and it took a moment for you to register that Nero and V both were being held by their respective fathers. They must have just gotten home, perhaps right as the creature attacked you.

"Looks like you met the cat," Dante spoke suddenly, grin wide on his face.

Vergil's eyes cut to his brother with a glare, much more heated than the one V was giving to the demon feline that had made you its bed. Nero was pouting again, looking more put-upon than he had earlier, and Dante was every bit amused at your predicament.

You met the cat...

Wait.

Wait!

The cat was the demon the whole time?!

------

Tag List:  @v-vic, @astridstark13

[thehiraethsiblings]

Hi, I have a question, what do you suggest a little do when she doesn't have a cg and doesn't regress well without a cg? (my main blog isn't my little blog, hence the anon, I'm @babylionprincess)

@babylionprincess I can definitely relate when it comes to this. I’ve never had a CG and sometimes have trouble regressing as well. These are some things that I’ve found help me:

♡ Kids Shows/Movies - Letting yourself giggle during funny parts, smiling at happy parts, and singing/humming along to songs really helps me feel little! MLP, Sofia the First, and Disney movies are my favorites!!

♡ Kids Books - I have some picture books I read to myself sometimes with my stuffies. One of my favorite things to do is draw my own pictures based on the stories I've read! I also like to read these in bed when I'm winding down for the night.

♡ Read Alouds - If your headspace is too little to read, there are also read aloud books on YouTube you can listen to. I love listening to the Dr. Seuss ones!

♡ Coloring/Drawing - Coloring books are always super fun, especially when you use crayons! Just relaxing and doodling simple pictures is also a good way to get into that younger mindset.

♡ Stuffies - Talking to and playing with stuffies is one of my favorite ways to feel small. You can tell them about your day, hug them when you're sad, tell them stories, watch something with them, etc.

♡ Toys - Going into the toy aisle of a store and buying some toys you're interested in is great! I have 2 play-doh sets I love to use!! They're both food-themed ones so I love to pretend I'm on a cooking show and give it to my stuffies to eat! You can also always try making your own game!!

♡ Pacifier & Soft Music - I always find myself sleeping much better when I put a paci in my mouth before bed! It also helps me sleep when I put on soft instrumental Disney or Ghibli music. You can find these on YouTube!

♡ Kids Apps/Computer Games - There are lots of apps for kids out there, so try scrolling through the app store and look for something that sounds fun! My favorite app is a cute dress-up game called Pastel Girl! There are also a ton of websites like CoolMathGames.com and GirlsGoGames.com that are really fun and addictive! These make me feel super nostalgic too.

♡ Clothes - Getting together outfits that make you feel little & cute is really good! One of my favorite styles is wearing jean shorts over leggings!! Wearing cute pajamas is always fun too, and big hoodies can help you feel extra small!

♡ Food & Water - I find that eating snacks I used to when I was younger makes me feel nostalgic and happy! I think stuff that's easy to make is the best way to go, especially when you have low energy a lot of the time like I do. PB&J, goldfish, mac & cheese, and baby carrots are my favorites. Water is super important for you, and the best way to feel small while drinking it is using a bottle or sippy cup!

♡ Extra Tips

1) If you have plans and know you don't have a ton of time, it's probably best to stick with a short activity that you can come back to later, like coloring.

2) If you're like me and hate silence, try listening to music or putting a show/movie on for background noise.

It's important to remember that you don't have to have a CG to be an age regressor! Regression is all about the headspace you're in, not how many little things you have. I hope these helped!! If anyone has any other tips please let me know!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

[darrowsrising]

YA vs. NA vs. Adult

Hey there! I wanted to share some (hopefully) fun facts about the book market in the US, and maybe shed some light on why ppl find the original RR trilogy in the YA section. BTW I hope none of this comes across as preachy - I’m trying to get a YA book published myself and I’ve done a lot of industry research and just wanted to share some stuff. 

In the US, “New Adult” never really took off as a category except in romance, with Sarah J. Maas’s books being the biggest success (this is all according to interviews and articles I’ve read from literary agents and authors). I’ve heard that in Australia New Adult really took off so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a more well known category in other countries? I wish it was a category here, and if it was I def think the original RR trilogy would be New Adult. 

Anyway, because New Adult never really took off in the US most bookstores don’t have a section labeled “New Adult.” So then the choice becomes, do you shelve RR in YA or Adult? 

I for sure think the new books have an adult ~ vibe ~ and belong in the Adult section (and that’s usually where I see them). But as for the original trilogy? I think that’s up for debate. 

YA Author Alexa Donne has a really interesting video on youtube called What Counts as YA Fiction? She points to some hallmarks of YA, one of them being an immediacy to the writing; you feel like you are there with the character and there’s lots of big emotions. I think RR fits that. In fact it was one of the things I loved about the books. Another big YA theme is the MC finding their place in the world, pushing back against conventions and establishing their identity. I think that was a big theme in the original trilogy. Also everyone was looking for the next Hunger Games at the time, and I think marketing ppl saw that RR was on the line between YA and Adult and pushed it toward YA since that was the better market and a book marketed as YA would probably sell better. 

Honestly, I’ve heard a bunch of different definition of what’s YA so I think it’s a little subjective. I certainly understand your point about violence and other more mature themes in the book and I probably wouldn’t recommend it to somebody say, 12 and under? But I think the original trilogy would be totally fine for most teens. 

You brought up movie ratings, and one interesting thing about those here in the US is that you can get away with a lot of violence before you get an R rating. For example, The Dark Night Rises, the batman movie where a guy gets lobotomized with a pencil and the villain has two ppl fight to the death with baseball bats, was rated PG13. Taken, where girls are abducted and raped, was rated PG13. It’s usually full nudity and swear words that get you an R rating. I think those standards are really backward, but the point is that teens aren’t strangers to violence, especially in media. 

I found a 2014 blog post on something called teenreads written by PB himself where he said RR was both a YA and adult novel, lol. So maybe that’s the answer. 

I’ve heard a lot of people debate whether the original RR trilogy is YA or not and ultimately I’m not sure why it matters. The one thing that bothers me is when people say that RR is essentially too good to be a YA novel. Nobody on this site has suggested that but I’ve heard others make that point. It bothers be because I think a lot of people who aren’t familiar with YA think it’s all girl books about romance and vampires. In fact, YA science fiction is struggling right now because publishers think young women don’t like science fiction. So maybe I want RR to be YA to prove that a lot of young women do like science fiction and we’d like more of it, please. 

Sorry, I know I’ve rambled. I hope some of this was interesting! 

Thank you for your imput! It really is interesting. Here are some things I figured out as a reader of fiction in general.

Sarah J. Maas writes YA. That's what it is marketed as in the US and UK. That's why it comes with warnings for mature themes (sex). She announced that she's moving to NA for future books - Crescent City. My book provider imports books from the UK and they market it like they are on the british market. And, if I am not mistaken, she won awards for YA.

I understand that YA has a very bad reputation these days, but it's not only from the outside, but also from the outside. The YA fandom is toxic. There is no doubt about it. They (in general) have the highest amout of purity police with a checkmarking list of certain things that must be handled in the books a certain way, otherwise is trash.

I totally understand and hate that YA is considered 'hot vampires for girls', I hate it with a passion. It is as condescending as the romanian translator who was invited to meet Pierce Brown at an event and her after thoughts where that his books has many young female fans and now that she has met him in person she knows why. Which is code for 'the guy' s hot so there you have it'.

Bitch, I stood front row at that event because my love for this series and Darrow is beyond human understanding! Pierce could look like Smaug and I'd still sit front row. Because I freaking love every aspect of it, sci-fi especially.

But getting back to the subject at hand, if you looked at the crowds when Pierce Brown visited Romania, I would too market the series as YA.

I know perfectly well that teens from 13 to 19 can handle violence well and understand complex themes and question things that happen in the real life. I don't doubt their intelligence in the least. I was like 17 when I read the RR trilogy, i'm not a hypocrite.

The reason I don't wany it piled with YA is because it gets critiqued to YA standards. And the YA fandom has the worst standards. They have so many and they must be habdled in certian ways and lo and behold this trilogy gets trashed because it's all the worst things you can possibly imagine, but still better than the new trilogy.

The Red Rising Trilogy is indeed faster paced and more violent than most of the YA books I have read. So if it's indeed too much for YA, I think it's fair for it to be considered NA. The themes are handled in more intense ways than you usually find in YA. The fluff and comfort, the moments for breathing are rare and even if the protagonist just sits somewhere, his emotions are at war while he remains cold on the outside, barely keeping it together. The rest is survival, war, violence of all types, danger at every step. It's never stoping, just slowing it down for the briefest of moments. And I think that makes the very shallow boundaries between YA and NA - the way you handle the themes.

The Iron Gold Trilogy is indeed more in tone with the likes of A Song of Ice and Fire or Broken Empire. And I think the sault wasn't that big from RR to IG. It basically moved from NA to Adult.

I can agree with Pierce Brown that up to a point the initial trilogy is YA and Adult. I mean...let's not fool ourselves, kids and adults alike were all over the Harry Potter books. So I understand why he would say that. There were middle schoolers to the Meet and Greet I went to. Kids love sci-fi and battles and stuff.

Also, I don't know what to say about 'immediacy of the writing' as being hallmark YA. I have read NA and Adult that has that. And 'protagonists finding their identity and establishing themselves and pushing conventional boundaries' are themes in A Song of Ice and Fire as well.

But thing is there are certain boundaries I consider the way the themes are handled.

So... that and the fact that there are triggering things that easily make the NA mark makes me believe that the Red Rising Trilogy should be marketed as NA.

Again, it's not only the fandom and the attitudes towards 'impurity', but also the way the themes are handled. Which is not a clear delimitation, because as you said it, it's subjective.

Thank you for the info you provided, very helpful. Good luvk with your book and never shy away from rambling to me, I love it!

[evilkennedy]

Mission Impossible: Birthday Party Edition

Summary: Morgan’s 6th birthday is coming up very soon and Pepper is out of town. She would know exactly what to do, but Tony? He absolutely does not know how to plan a 6 year old girls birthday party, so he calls in the big guns.

Warnings: there are none. this is just going to be fluff. also this is not compliant to endgame.

Morgan Stark is about to turn 6 years old in less that two days and Pepper Stark just so happens to be out of town on a business trip. “Honey, it isn’t rocket science. Kids are easy to please.” Pepper is trying to convince Tony that he can do this, but he absolutely cannot. “No, Pepper, you don’t get it. This is my little girl. Everything has to be just perfect and I have no idea what I’m doing. I’d rather attempt actual rocket science.” Pepper sighs into the phone. “Just try not to stress about it too much. That’s all I’m saying here. She will enjoy anything you put together for her.” Tony is about to argue but he hears distant voices on the other line and then Pepper continues. “I have to go Tony, why don’t you call Peter or Rhodey to help you out, yeah?” Tony smiles. Why didn’t he think of that before. God, what would he do without Pepper? Fall apart, surely. “Great idea, Pep. I love you and I’ll see you soon.” She responds and Tony can tell she’s smiling even through the phone. “I love you, too. Talk later.” Then the line cuts out. 

Tony glances at the time to see that it is just past noon. He calls up the stairs. “It’s time for lunch, squirt!” He walks over to the kitchen as he hears little feet padding down the staircase. “Daddy, daddy! For lunch can I have a peanut butter and jelly?” Morgan runs up to Tony’s legs excitedly. PB&J is one of her all time favorites. Tony bends down to lift Morgan up to his height. “Of course you can, honey.” He brushes her messy “playtime” hair out of her eyes. “Now, do you want strawberry or grape?”

~

After making Morgan her lunch and tucking her into bed for a nap, Tony sits down on the couch. He pulls out his phone to text both Peter and Rhodey. Something along the lines of “SOS I need help planning a six year olds birthday party!!!!!” Yes, he might’ve over done it with the exclamation points but this is important. He hits send and then decides that he will rest his eyes for a minute.

Not long after falling asleep on the very comfortable couch, Tony awakes to a knock on the door. He gets up with a groan and makes his way to it. As soon as he opened the door he lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank God  you’re here. I thought I was going to lose my mind.” Tony smiles and pulls Peter in for a hug. “It’s good to see you Mr. Stark. I’m glad I could provide some serious help in this time of need.” Tony rolls his eyes and nudges Peter in the ribs. “Kid, don’t make me regret asking, I could just send you on back home to May and Happy.” Peter walks inside, holding the straps on his overnight bag. Tony closes the door behind him. Peter groans at the mention of his aunt and Happy. “No, please. I’m begging you. They’re so sappy and gross that it hurts. It physically hurts me Mr. Stark.” 

Tony chuckles at the kid’s theatrics. “Yeah, yeah. I doubt it’s that bad.” Peter glares at Tony playfully and sits down on the couch. Tony sits next to him. “You don’t have to live with them, Mr. Stark. They’re disgusting. Anyways, let’s get on to what I’m here for. You need help planning Morgan’s birthday party?” Peter stifles a giggle and grins at Tony. Tony rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Don’t laugh, this is a very serious matter. I have no idea what I’m doing” Peter actually lets out a laugh at that. “It has been almost six years now of you being a parent” He pauses. “Actually it’s been even longer if you consider the two years, before everything, of you mentoring me. Yet, you have no idea what to do for a birthday party. This is absolutely HILARIOUS.” Tony glares. “You know I could literally kick your ass right now. No joke.” Peter gently punched Tony in the shoulder. “You wouldn’t dare, because if you did, then I wouldn’t help you plan the party.” Peter sticks out his tongue playfully. “Speaking of, let’s get to planning, shall we?”

~

Today is the birthday party. Shortly after Tony and Peter started bouncing ideas off the other, Rhodey had shown up to help. They came up with what the thought would be the perfect party for Morgan and they quickly got to work putting it together. They got a bouncy castle and had a desert table. They even invited the Barton’s and the Lang’s so that Morgan could get to see all of their kids. Tony was so happy to see that Morgan loved everything they set up for her. He even got plenty of pictures to Pepper.

The party is currently wrapping up and all of the guests are leaving. Peter and Rhodey stay to help Tony with the mess. After hugging the last guest goodbye, Morgan came stumbling up to Tony. “Daddy!!! That was the best birthday party ever.” Tony smiled and crouched down to her level. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it, honey.” He looks up at Peter and winks. “You’ll have to thank your big brother and your favorite uncle for helping out.” He kissed her on the forehead and then stood up, allowing her to run over to Peter and Rhodey. “Petey, Uncle Rhodey thank you so much. I love you 3,000.” She gives both of them enormous hugs. (Or at least as enormous as her little arms will allow) They both smile at the little girl in front of them and tell her that it was nothing. Even though they both knew that it meant everything to Tony especially. The adults (and Peter) begin to clean up the mess. Tony stops temporarily to call Morgan back over to him.

“How about you help us clean up and then we can have a movie marathon until mommy comes home, yeah?”

A/n: okay!! so this was kinda just plotless fluff and I hope you enjoyed?? I hope it didn’t suck too bad hshs

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [WATTPAD] [QUOTEV]

Characters © Frederator/Cartoon Network and so forth. Story ©2020 to me! All rights reserved.

This little fic was commissioned by MorbidHero. Enjoy! I'm not a superfan but I hope I still did the fandom justice, more or less. Even though there are no bacon pancakes or appearances from Billy.

Orono Or DIE.

The sign was unique enough to attract attention. That was probably the idea. Still, the girl with the long, black hair and the red-and-blue striped sweater seemed a little surprised when a car pulled over on the long, lonely stretch of Highway 95. Her eyes narrowed to slits as headlights attempted to blast the pupils wide, and she shadowed them with a pale hand.

"Hello!" cried a voice that sounded like a music box. "Are you in need of aid?"

"Uhhhh…" The squinting eyes shifted. "There a person in there?"

"Of course! I am a person! Please, it's too cold to be out here alone!"

The stranger approached the passenger window, bending down to look inside. By the light of the dash screen, she saw a rosy complexion and bright pink hair to match. The girl's round face held the sweetest, most angelic smile she had ever seen.

"I… whoa."

"Yes?"

"N-nothing. You're really gonna give me a lift? I could be an axe murderer."

The driver's eyebrows raised. "Are you an axe murderer?"

"Sorta." She opened her black guitar case, covered in stickers from all manner of bands and destinations, to display a red bass that actually was shaped like an axe, a snarky half-smile displaying some prominent canines. "I slay on this thing alllll the time."

"Oooh! A wandering minstrel! Prithee, do not tarry thither, but let us away in mine chariot!"

"I… huh?"

Cheeks turning a bit rosier, she whispered, "Just get in the car."

With her bass, cardboard sign, and knapsack stashed in the cramped back seat, the two pulled away from the shoulder and back onto the near-deserted highway. There reigned silence for a moment or two until the driver decided to attempt pleasant conversation.

"What's your name, minstrel?"

"Not Minstrel. Marcy. Or Marce, Marceline, Nightmarce… Elvira, if you're everybody in my high school."

"That sounds very unkind, and I am not from your high school so I will not do that." She smiled over at her. "I'm Bonnibel, or Bonnie."

"Cool. This, uh… this car seems weird."

"Oh!" she piped up animatedly. "It is a hybrid, but I have converted the combustion engine to run on used peanut oil."

"Is that why I have a craving for a PB&J out of nowhere?!"

Bonnie laughed, and Marcy wore a smile of her own. That was bizarre; why would she smile at some stranger who just picked her up to give her a lift? "Perhaps! It is also why I will eventually have to visit a Five Guys restaurant to refuel."

Chuckling quietly, Marcy fought down a groan as she struggled out of her black leather boots and propped her feet up on the dash. "Sorry, but I've been walking for hours. Nobody else would pick me up, except for this creepy trucker who would probably have murdered me. With my own axe."

"It is alright! I can't blame you, that sounds like a terrible day. How did you end up out here all by yourself? With no car?"

"Ash, ugh."

"Gesundheit?"

Rolling her eyes, Marcy explained, "No, Ash is my ex. Also the lead guitarist of our band, Vampire Queen. But like, he's been impossible since we broke up, and he threw his guitar at my head during our last show. I told him I wasn't riding in the van with him anymore and they took off without me. Jerkfaces."

Bonnie's expression was completely thunderstruck. She reached over to pat Marceline's thigh. "That is just unacceptable, you could have been hurt!"

"Uh… yeah?" She thought that was obvious. And the sudden physical contact made her squirm.

"No, I mean you should remove him from the band. He is clearly dangerous and you have every right to feel safe on the stage."

"Oh. Well… it's not that easy. He writes half our songs, and he's no great singer but he does know all the guitar parts already. But… I guess he's more replaceable than Fionna or Jake."

"You should send him to prison. Or castrate him," she added, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

Which is what finally made Marceline realize neither of her hands were on the wheel. She sat up quick and shouted, "HEY, we're gonna crash! Are you insane?!"

"Hm?" Glancing ahead, she calmly stated, "No we aren't, we're driving perfectly straight. And there are no other cars."

"Well… yeah, but…" She watched their course correct very slightly, still glancing at Bonnie's hands. "Oh, is this one of those self-driving things?"

"Yes! Oh, I see; you thought I was neglecting the wheel." The pink-haired oddity giggled as if Marcy were the weird one.

"Do you just pick up random strangers and scare them to death? Messed up hobby, girl. I can respect it though."

At that, Bonnie's smile lessened as she stared ahead again. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that not everyone has access to the technology I do. I didn't mean to cause you any undue strife."

"Not everybody swallows a dictionary for breakfast, either." When that wiped the smile away entirely, the rocker turned to look out the passenger window as she tightened her arms around her stomach. "Nah… I'm sorry, I'm a bitch."

The car was silent for a few seconds. "You aren't. I just don't spend a lot of time with other people. When I do, they tell me I am awkward."

"Yeah? Agoraphobic or something?" She paused. "Yeah, I know some big words, too."

"I never said you didn't. But no, that isn't the problem. I'm a workaholic. Even when I'm not in my lab, I'm still focused on inventing or revising previous inventions. I like speaking with people, but there never seems to be any time…"

"Dude, nerdslut. Got it."

"WHAT?!"

The outburst was harsher than Marce expected. "Sorry," she muttered, head ducking lower. "I didn't-"

"I'm not a slut! I'm…" Her cheeks began to glow. "I've never even been on a date."

"I was kidding, man. I didn't really mean…" Her fingers ran through her fringe. "Look, you told me you don't get out much. So I'll do my best not to tease you like I normally would, but no promises. I'm pretty edgy." She even threw up devil horns to add to the effect.

"You're teasing. Yes, I understand." The bubbly girl sighed and relaxed, smiling again. Apparently, it was that easy.

"What do you do for a living, anyway? All the inventing…"

"Oh! Have you heard of PeebleCo?"

A brief pause. "If I say 'no', does that mean I'm dumb?"

"It's alright. I am the president and CEO. Though the board members make most of the day-to-day decisions, they consult with me before making any large changes. And I am also the head of the R&D department."

"Whoa. And you're what, like, eighteen?"

"Nineteen."

"Excuse me," she snickered. "But yeah, that's pretty young to have your whole future figured out. I'm still kind of drifting through life in the shadows."

Bonnie shrugged as she pulled off the highway. "It is okay. I know I am strange, and that most people have to take some time to find their true destiny."

"Where… are we going?"

"To this hotel! I have been driving all day."

"Oh. Guess this is where I get off, then."

"It is if you want. Or you are welcome to share my hotel room and I will continue to ferry you to your destination in the morning."

Marceline raised an eyebrow as she watched Bonnie smoothly guide the car into a parking spot — having to use her hands this time, of course. "Are you totally insane, or just the nicest person on the planet?"

"Does it have to be one or the other?" she asked with a huge grin. And yet again, Marcy found she was grinning back.

                                                      ~ o ~

Once they had brought their bags inside, the hitchhiker plopped herself on the bed and kicked off her boots again. Then she started tuning her bass. Bonnie started unpacking her little pink rolling suitcase immediately, though she cast a casual glance over at her guest now and then.

"What? Am I bugging you?"

"Not at all. I have just never seen someone play a guitar in person before."

"Never?!" When the inventor shook her head, Marceline chuckled softly. "Damn, you really don't ever crawl out from under that rock to see what the sun looks like. Not that I do, either."

"It's because I'm working," she protested with a slight pout. "Not because I don't want to meet people. I love people!"

"Oh yeah, me too. They're delicious."

Bonnie cackled as she plugged her BMO's charger into the wall. At least she got that joke. "You're so funny and cool! I wish I was like you."

"No you don't, trust me. I'm kind of a cunt."

"Are you? Well, I think that's still preferable to being boring. I might have an important job but as a person, I am… vanilla pudding."

"Yeah? Well I mean, vanilla pudding can be pretty good. Add a little red food coloring to make people think you're eating ketchup? I like red things, they look more badass."

"Vanilla is not interesting," she sighed as she seated herself on the other twin bed, pulling off her Uggs. Marceline tried not to pay too much attention to how her white leggings hugged her shapely calves and thighs. "Being a vanilla pudding when there are so many chocolate puddings around me… that is why I focus on my work."

The hitchhiker thought that over as she played a couple of notes, a few chords she used in their sets. The hook from "Smoke On The Water", then the bassline from "The Chain".

"I think you're cool, Bonbon."

"You do?" she asked in pure shock. Marcy looked up — and immediately averted her eyes when she saw her company was wearing only her underwear.

"WHOA, hey, warn a girl or something!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she hissed, arms trying to hide parts of her body pointlessly. "The other girls in gym class never cared!"

Pale cheeks flooding with color, the rocker cleared her throat and studied the carpet, watching pale pink toes curl nervously into the fibers. "Gym, yeah. Um… I'm sorry, that was stupid. Me flipping out. If you're cool with stripping down in front of me, like… it's your hotel room…"

"No, you are right, it was my mistake. We have only just met today. And I am decent." When Marceline chanced another glance, she saw a long pink nightgown covering Bonnie from neck to ankle. She was also wearing an embarrassed little smile that was more adorable than it had any right to be.

"You're definitely decent."

"Jingo-jango!"

"Gesundheit?" she re-joked with a slight smirk.

"Free candy!" She practically pounced on the little mint laying on her pillow, unwrapping it and devouring it in mere seconds. "Mmmmhhh… oh, divine!"

The moans of pleasure definitely made Marcy have to clear her throat again. Desire was stirring within her in a way that blindsided her; Bonnie was a girl. One she had met literally that day! Was she losing it?! Sure, she had always known she liked girls as much as boys, but she had never really been serious about one.

"Marcy?"

"SHIT!" she gasped out when she saw those beautiful features only a couple of inches away from her own. It seemed Bonnie's concern had brought her over to the other bed. "I… what? I'm fine, you can go back to getting ready for bed or whatever."

"You are flushed. What if you have a fever, from being out in the cold too long?"

Then the bouncy inventor touched their foreheads together, to check her temperature. Marceline knew that was the reason… yet she still felt her heart speed up, her sweat glands stirring to life.

But she was no shrinking violet. Anti-social, sure, and inexperienced hitting on girls versus guys. But she figured she might as well give it a shot and see what happened.

"You give me fever," she began to sing in a smoky voice. Bonnie's concerned eyes shot wide. "Fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight."

A tiny whispered "What?" fell from small pink lips. And not even the oblivious shut-in could miss the rock star's meaning. "Me?"

After they held each other's gaze for a few more seconds, Marceline burst out with a chuckle and looked away, strumming her bass. "Couldn't resist. You're such a cute little marshmallow, it's too easy."

And that was that. Or so she thought. After she had played a few more notes and glanced up again, expecting that Bonnie would have rushed off to the bathroom by now, she saw she was being studied carefully.

"Sorry. Told you I'm a bitch."

"Why are you sorry? If you meant it… which you did…"

"Who says I did?" she grunted. "Hey-"

"I do," Bonnie told her in even tones as she finished pulling the guitar strap from around Marceline's neck. How could this awkward bean be so bold all of a sudden?! "You are blushing like I am blushing. That means you meant it, doesn't it?"

"No. It means�� maybe I was out in the cold too long. Whatever."

Sighing like a patient teacher facing an obstinate student, Bonnie leaned over and took her lips gently. And poor Marcy felt her brain short-circuiting. This girl was going for it! How?! This girl?! Even more shameful was that it took three or four seconds for her to pull back from the kiss, panting and clutching at the bedspread.

"WHAT THE WHAT?!"

"Oh wow," Bonnibel whispered, reaching up to touch her own bottom lip with delicate fingers. "I did that."

"Yeah? Like, what, you're surprised you kissed somebody? That's fucking weird!"

"I am. I have never done it before, I didn't think it would be so easy. But I wasn't afraid like I expected to be, and I enjoyed the feeling."

One single fact kept Marcy from harping on about how bold of an assumption it was to kiss her out of nowhere. "Whoa, hold up. I'm really your first?"

"Yes," she breathed, cheeks warming to match Marceline's as she fidgeted with her fingers.

"That… amazing one you just planted on me was your first kiss?!"

Bonnie raised her eyebrows at her. "Oh, it was good?"

"Dude, I'm practically at full sail down here already!" When the hapless girl didn't seem to have any idea what she meant by that, she clarified, "Yes, it was good!"

"Oh. Then it was a successful experiment! Hooray!" Marceline just gaped at her open-mouthed. "We should do more experiments, I think."

"Yeah? What, you think I'm that easy?" she scoffed, trying to focus on reaching for her bass instead of blushing scarlet. But she barely touched the neck before firm hands were pinning her to the bed. "HEY!"

"You will assist me," the girl she had once mistaken for a marshmallow ordered her with a sly smirk.

Marceline finally understood that she had been hoodwinked. Well, not really; she believed this girl had no experience, but she had made the erroneous assumption that also meant she would be timid. Nope.

"I will? That's pretty interesting, I thought I got to decide that part."

"You do. But I already know you will decide to help me." Her hips started shifting on top of Marceline's, eyes briefly falling shut. "Mmm… mm?"

The rocker looked away, waiting for the backlash. Bracing to be shouted at, or called any number of names. She had been down that road before — most recently with Ash, who had no problem doing that to her but only when he was angry.

"You're a transgender person."

Stunned by the bluntness of the phrasing, she finally looked up to see nothing but surprise in Bonnie's features. No judgment, no disgust. "Um… yeah. Well, we prefer just 'trans'."

"Oh! 'Justrans' then." She shifted a few more times, prompting a little groan from both of them. "This will certainly make the experiment easier; I already know how to work with one of these from anatomy class."

Marcy knew she wasn't trying to be cruel. She could tell. But she still hissed up at her, "Can you like, not act like I'm some kind of sex slave robot? There's a real person with a real blackened soul down here."

With a little gasp, she covered her mouth. "Bloobalooby! I'm sorry, you're right." Her hips rolled again, sending a wave of heat down into the rocker from their point of contact, blinding her with pleasure. "Do you consent to experimenting with me sexually, and taking my virginity?"

Marceline could only sputter. And she almost told her 'no' simply because she was so shocked at the entire situation. But it was beginning to feel way too good. Why? Why did she want to?

"Sure. If you really don't care that I'm some problem you picked up off the side of the road."

"You are perfect." For just a second, Marcy felt a flutter in her stomach from such praise. Then Bonnie elaborated, "I'm comfortable with you, and I can tell that you are an adequate size to give me a wonderful first experience."

"Oh. That kind of 'perfect'. Right."

Genuinely puzzled, she tilted her head and asked, "What other kind is there?"

Instead of answering, Marceline pulled her down for a heated kiss. They kept that up while rolling around on the bed, running their fingers through each other's hair, humming into the contact. By the time they came up for air, she realized her sweater had disappeared.

"Can I see you?"

"Oh, is that going to help with the experiment?" Bonnie lowered her voice. "Am I… sexy?"

"Well, duh," she laughed as she dropped her jeans. But she fell speechless when she saw the shapely pink body coming into view. "I'm… yep. Definitely stand by my statement."

"I think you are sexy as well." But she was saying it shyly, as if stating a secret, rather than in a flirty way. This girl really didn't understand human sexuality but she was trying her best.

Weird but cute. And her face was glowing red like a stoplight… and Marceline liked red things.

They fell into each other with eagerness, kissing all over faces and necks as their bodies combined. Bonnibel was so soft inside, and her skin smelled like flowers. The little gasps and mewlings at the foreign sensations only made Marcy throb harder, willed her hips to begin moving.

Minutes later, she broke yet another kiss to whisper urgently, "I'm… I'm gonna finish, I d-don't have… a condom…"

"I'm on birth control, to regulate my cycle. I will not become pregnant." But she was biting her lip. The sensations had changed how she reacted. "Will you…? Please?"

She would. Moans fell freely from both of them as their bodies shifted faster and faster, until the dam burst and Marceline felt both their bodies convulsing with the proof of their pleasure. It was an instant, it was an eternity. It was everything.

As they lay curled up together, silence reigned for a few minutes. Experiment complete. Neither of the new quite what to say. Until finally Bonnie whispered, "You sang."

"Huh?"

"When you ejaculated. It was like singing." She closed her eyes, a small smile on her lips as her hand drifted up to cover her own heart. "It was so sweet…"

Marceline scoffed, resisting the temptation to roll over and away to protect her own feelings. "N-no way. I don't do 'sweet', you're loopy. Literally fucked your brains out."

"No, my brains are still intact," she teased with a light chuckle as she began to draw little circles on Marcy's pale shoulder. "And you sang. And I am very, very satisfied with your 'axe'."

That prompted a gleeful giggle from both women. "Told you. I slay all day, Bonnie-bae."

                                                      THE END

[aspiratinganxiety]

Omg thank you for opening the prompts and giving lists. If you have the time and inspiration how about from the Prompt sentence list #54 “They’re not your kids, back the fuck off”. Thank you again for taking prompt requests!!!!!

So, because you didn’t specify which character you wanted, I went on ahead and picked Jason. Prepare yourself, this turned into a somewhat cracky, heartwarming fic about Jason putting his foot in his mouth. Reader is in her very early 20s. Not six months out of 19, actually. 

This request is a winner, man. I had a much wittier and affectionate intro up here before tumblr let me down so hard and lost my draft. Now we’ve got this awkward paragraph…

Tag List: @nxttime, @possiblyelven, @lovelywally, @thepuckishrogue (If you want to be tagged, let me know by dropping an ask or shooting me a message! For more Batfam, check out my masterlist.) 

This is it.

Finally the day your retail-ravaged soul, along with your psyche, snaps like one of those piddly rubberbands on cheap produce.

“Goddammit lady,” you snarl, slamming your palms down on the cash wrap with a meaty smack. “This is the seventh time I’ve had to ask you to keep your filthy little goblins away from my merchandise!” 

Embracing the inevitability of unemployment upon the horizon, you carry on. The words coming out of your mouth are spoken in the low, graveled tone most often associated with violent animals or an emissary of Satan. “Has your daughter ever seen a tissue? Or maybe a garbage can? And that is the fourth necklace he’s broken.” You jab a finger at the accused child, prowling around the register. “The fourth! Your children are terrible.”   

The little boy, probably around four years old, stands stock still with widening eyes and a face going pink with the flush of tears. It’s strange to see him so still after witnessing the boy tear through your store like a methhead on payday. He’s a cute enough kid, even with some tears spilling and the remnants of a PB&J smeared all over his cheeks as well as his marauding fingers. 

Tattered remains of delicate costume jewelry litter the display in front of him, and you don’t even want to think about how much of that child’s sandwich transferred from his grubby lil’ mitts to the stupidly expensive product throughout the store. 

The woman’s daughter (you’re not sure how old, but over six) shrinks from your stormy approach. She dodges away from the denim table where she shoved the wad of stale gum (or the proverbial straw, in this case) you’d seen her spit into her hand moments before (so, hopefully just one $90 pair of jeans you now have to damage). The girl hides back behind her gaping mother as though you’re brandishing a pistol instead of three years’ worth of rage.

The mother, a comfortably wealthy middle-aged blonde woman, looks to be the very stereotype of pushy, ungrateful, baby-boomed self importance. She is so utterly shocked by your hateful outburst that nary a peep escapes her open mouth.

What?

A salesgirl?

Speaking so rudely even after being treated with nothing but disregard and condescension for two whole hours?

Outrageous!

Ha. She’s not half as shocked as your boss is going to be when you throw up a double bird and back flip outta’ this bitch the very moment she wanders in for shift change. 

“Get some control over your spawn, make your selections, and get the hell out of my store.” You go in for the kill while the mother is still silent, absolutely fuming. “And here’s a tip, bitch: If you’re not going to teach your children any manners and you can’t find them a sitter, don’t go shop in a specialty boutique!”  

Your voice goes shrill as your volume ticks up at the last, and so you are brutally unprepared when an incredulous voice of a significantly lower cadence calls you out. 

“Jesus, bitch…” 

You spin on your heel, ready to relish taking a piece out of another customer. Unfortunately, in your anger, you don’t recognize that the additional voice belongs to a guy. 

A big guy. 

A huge, pissed off guy.

“C’mon, Jason.” You identify the face of a redheaded regular grimacing just behind him. She half-halfheartedly attempts to snag his elbow and pull him away. "Don’t engage. Please, don't engage?"

“Nah, shuddap Babs!” he spits over his shoulder. His attention returns to you. “Moms need pants too, ya’ know. They’re not your kids; that means not your business, first of all, and not you goddamn problem after they leave the store. So why don’t you just back the fuck off?” 

You are very embarrassed by your reaction to his interference. As suddenly as your anger possessed you, an overwhelming wave of anxiety and stress boils up in your lungs. It claws its way out of your throat and starts pouring from your eyes in a matter of seconds. 

“But it is my problem!” you sob, tears of frustration streaming down your face. “My associate number gets flagged for every item I damage. My record is penalized for not taking care of the merchandise when I’m not even technically allowed to ask people to stop breaking things. My commissions bonus is in jeopardy based upon the items I damage, no matter how many sales I make!” 

The man blinks down at you as though you’ve started speaking in tongues. He takes a clumsy step away from you, and the redhead sighs with the sort of perpetual exhaustion known only by elder sisters. You hear the door chime signifying the hasty departure of the blonde mom and her rotten kids.

“Oh, and I’m aware!” you continue. “I'm very aware that mothers need pants, you ass. I am a mother.” 

If the guy paled when you started crying, he goes absolutely pallid as the pitiful truths of your sad life rush, unbidden, from your tongue. 

“My daughter is 18 months old, and I work in this shitty store for shitty pay so that I have food for her dinner and hot water for her baths. All I do is work! My grandma is raising my kid, and I haven’t bought a pair of jeans for myself since I was in high school! A full eight hour shift in this hell-mouth of spoiled, snobby, rich bitches dropping over a thousand dollars on fucking baubles doesn’t even cover one single pair of jeans from that table! Even as a manager, the employee discount doesn’t make owning a stitch of this clothing feasible.” 

You take a few breaths to gather yourself. The guy’s face is a mask of social horror, and the features of the woman behind him fell into impassivity about the time you brought up sales and damages.

“You know what though,” you say, speaking in a surprisingly perky, conversational tone as you wipe your running nose on your sleeve and the last wavering trills of your bawling work their way out. “When I run errands, Gram Mary watches Rosie. ‘Cuz I know better.”            

[5hfanfiction]

You Feel Like Magic To Me (1/2)

A/N: Hi guys! I’m back with a super duper long ass fic that i hope you guys will like :) It’s based off your typical ‘friends to lovers’ AU and the trigger warning is very mild as there are mentions of coming to terms with sexuality and coming out in general. I hope y'all stick around and read chapter 2 as well! :) Enjoy!

      Lauren Jauregui was only six years old when she saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone in the theaters.

      It was her first time watching a movie on the big screen and it was safe to say, she was enamored. Not only by the huge pictures in front of her eyes, but also because Harry was a wizard. The thought that someone could have magical powers and that a whole different world existed amongst humans was amazing to Lauren. She watched the entire movie with a new-found interest in magic and the imaginary school; excitedly telling her mom with a huge smile on her face and pigtails whipping pass her face, that “One day, I will be attending Hogwarts,”. She spent weeks talking with wide eyes about wands, moving pictures and broomsticks that her mother, Clara, knew exactly what to drees her up as for Halloween.

        Lauren’s squeal could be heard by her neighbors when her green-eyes set on the Gryffindor robe presented to her by her mom. She had taken the liberty to rent it from a Halloween store near her house. Her tiny feet clad in socks covered in cartoon lightning bolts could not contain their excitement as they jumped up and down. Her father, Mike Jauregui, looked up from the daily newspaper he was reading, glasses perched up on his nose, with a small smile at his child’s antics. Lauren hugged her mother mercilessly mumbling small high-pitched thank yous into her body.

           When the day to ‘trick or treat’ rolled about, Lauren was ready in her rented robe, circular glasses, a thin lightning scar on her forehead (drawn by herself with her mother’s lipstick) and a “potions pot” to collect candy, she was ready to hit the streets and get some sweets. She pretty much led the way with her mother trailing close behind to each of her neighbor’s houses, knocking on the door with heaps of other children dressed in their typical Halloween costumes; ghosts, Dracula, robots, zombies and the attire of random occupations. Lauren felt special in her robe that was threaded with yellow and red until she visited Mr. Howard’s house.

             As it was already getting a bit late, there weren’t many children left. With a five-minute warning from her mother who was trailing behind her cautiously, she promised that this would be the last house. As she walked up to the house patio, she caught sight of another Gryffindor robe in front of her; worn by a girl who was most probably her age as well. Her brown hair was in a ponytail and her chocolate orbs was curious as to who was approaching and locked eyes with her. Lauren noticed that she had a broomstick with her and she felt stupid for not thinking about it. However, she was more excited to meet the girl who was also a Harry Potter fan. Walking closer to her and eyeing her outfit, Lauren smiled at the other girl; watching the other girl shyly smile at her back. She put out her hand, and said:

             “Hi, I’m Lauren. What’s your name?”

      The other girl looked startled at the polite gesture. She smiled, taking a while to understand her, and said “Camila Cabello”.

       Her Spanish accent was strong, and Lauren was flabbergasted when the girl continued to talk to her, gesturing to her robe, in Spanish. Unfortunately, Lauren had very little knowledge in Spanish and could only nod. Camila must have realized that she couldn’t understand her, and her cheeks grew red. She looked helplessly to her mother, Sinu, who was also conversing with Lauren’s mother. “It’s okay,” Lauren assured her, causing her to look back at her, not sure if she could understand her, “I’m just happy someone else knows Harry Potter,” she declared with a small chuckle. After that, Mr. Howard finally came out to give them the candy they came for and they shyly waved to each other as they parted ways.

         “Ma are they new here?” Lauren curiously asked her mom, as they walked back to their house hand-in-hand, her “pot” full of candy. Her mom looked at her with a smile.

          “Yes, baby. They just moved her from Cuba a few weeks ago, it’s nice to have other Cuban people in this neighborhood,” Clara admitted, ruffling Lauren’s hair that was wild around her shoulders. “Apparently, the girl you saw today will be joining you in 2nd Grade next year. She’s taking English classes now so that it’ll be easier for her to follow the subjects here,” her mom clarified for her. Lauren nodded and thought about the girl in the robe. She wouldn’t mind being friends with her. Especially if she was nice, and she seemed like it.

—

         A year passed, and Lauren was slowly riffling through the pages of the first Harry Potter book with her short chubby fingers that was in her hands as she sat in her 2nd Grade class waiting for the teacher to walk in. Her brows furrowed as she sat in class, trying to understand the difficult words in front of her. She made it her challenge to finish that book in a month. So, anytime she had free time, she would read the book. Her attention was snatched away when she heard someone calling her name, in a shy voice.

                “Lauren?”

        She looked up to find familiar brown eyes looking back at her and she smiled as recognition settled in. She got up from her chair and nodded, suddenly feeling shy in front of the Cuban girl; not knowing if she was better with English now. As if she was reading her mind, Camila’s eyes widened.

          “Uh, I’m actually okay with English now,” she informed her, looking down at her shoes; her voice high-pitched and squeaky, then her eyes darted up to meet Lauren’s eyes, “I’m quite the fast learner, I mean, I still have more to learn and all but I-,” Camila rambled until Lauren cut her off with a hand on her shoulder and a smile on her face.

         “Hey, that’s completely fine, Camila. You can hang out with me. I’ll show you around if you want,” the green-eyed girl politely offered her as Camila smiled at her and sat down next to her. After a few seconds, the teacher walked in, effectively cutting out any further communication between the two girls and Lauren shot her a sympathetic smile and silently gestured ‘later’ with her fingers to the Cuban girl.

         Once class ended and it was time for their 30-minute recess, Lauren led Camila to the bench behind the school overlooking the worn-down playground in the yard; lunchboxes clutched in their hands as they sat next to each other on a bench. Coincidentally, the presence of PB&J’s could be seen in both of their lunchboxes and they exchanged a knowing look with each other; then quickly blabbering about how it’s their favorite food in the world. Unable to contain her curiosity, Lauren launched herself into a series of questions that ranged from “So, you’re from Cuba?” to “Do you like Frosted Flakes?”.    

         The two girls clicked immediately, bonding instantly over their shared heritage (“I’m Cuban too!). Camila entertained Lauren with stories on how she picked up learning English by watching TV Shows as well as through the classes she attended which helped her tremendously. She learned that Camila’s dad was still in Cuba and that he would find a way to come to America once he found a way to. Lauren noticed the mild sad look that flashed across Camila’s face even though Camila had denied it.

         “He will come soon Camila, I’m sure of it,” remarked the raven-haired girl to her new friend. Camila simply smiled and asked Lauren to tell her about herself. Lauren talked to her about her obsession with Harry Potter which Camila quickly replied to with a “Me too!” and they ranted about the infamous movie together. She also talked to her about her favorite subject, English, and offered to help Camila in any way she could. The brunette smiled shyly but her reply was interrupted by the bell. They both shared a giggle before returning to class; the thought of making a new friend elevating both their moods. There was a certain ease that flowed between them; as if they were always meant to talk to each other.

Lauren had a feeling that this friendship would last.

——

       “Laur……. wake up,”

     Camila whispered as she nudged the sleeping girl next to her. This must be her 80th sleepover over the past 6 years. It was almost 5’oclock in the morning and Camila couldn’t sleep. The raven-haired girl was curled up in a fetus position next to her on the king-size bed in her own room. The thick duvet was tangled in between Lauren’s legs, naturally stealing the whole thing from Camila’s side. Her hair was in a mess; sprawled all over her shoulders and her face. Camila shifted her position, so she was propped up on her elbows and facing Lauren.

      “Laur…. c’mon… it’s important,” the brown-eyed girl tried again, this time using her free hand to shake her friend’s shoulder slightly and sports a small endeared smile when she saw Lauren stirring awake with an irritated look on her face. She raised a hand and attempted to tame the thick mane of hair on her head; running her hand through her hair. An action that Camila had seen so many times throughout the years; knowing it to be a tick of nervousness, and in this case, restlessness. Sometimes Lauren reminded her of a cat when she woke up; the slight arch of her back and the lack of movement of her limbs.

     “Camz,” Lauren said with her emerald eyes struggling to open, voice rough with sleep and tone threatening; causing Camila to slightly shuffle backwards instinctively. Camila had been on the receiving end of that tone many times, and it’s safe to say, it kind of scared her.

         “I swear to you, if you woke me up just to ask me a stupid question I am gonna kick your a- “

    “Do you think I’m funny?” Camila interrupted her, her voice low but determined, like she had been contemplating on this fact for hours (and she had); now sitting cross legged on the bed facing Lauren, a serious look adorning her face. Lauren, now fully awake, irritably sat up, wiping her eyes; hoping to make her tiredness vanish. She pulled down her slightly ridden up oversized black shirt and looked into Camila’s eyes; alarmingly intense for someone who just woke up.

         “Yes.” Camila brightened up, a megawatt smile etched on her face.

        “Really, are you serious?”

        “No.” Lauren deadpanned and fell back into her previous position, turning her back to Camila, and mumbled something about “kicking ass”. Camila, flabbergasted at Lauren’s rudeness (not aware of her own) huffed and moved fast; grabbing Lauren’s shoulder, effectively turning her back around. Lauren’s eyes snapped to hers, and Camila pouted her bottom lip, hoping that it had the same effect on Lauren that it always has. Lauren’s eyes darted to her lips and she let out a sigh. Why did that always work? She brought her arm up to her forehead and focused her gaze on Camila; almost as if telling her to say what she wanted to say, now that she has her full attention. Camila took a deep breath and clapped her hands in front of her (something she always did when she was about to rant).

       “Well, we’re starting high school in two months,” Camila ventured and played with her own fingers but was interrupted by a loud groan from Lauren; also earning an eye roll from her beloved best friend. The amount of times she had to hear Camila rant about high school was insurmountable. “Let me finish, you vampire,” Camila remarked restlessly, calling Lauren her favorite nickname for her as it coincides with her flawless alabaster skin and the sharp canines that are present in her mouth. She prided herself for coming up with that one. Lauren brought a pointer finger her to her lips; telling her she would be quiet now. Camila let out another sigh before she continued.

           “We will be meeting so many new people and we will, unfortunately, have to interact with them. Ugh, interact!” Camila exclaimed loudly, causing Lauren to give her a look that said shut up or my parents will never let you sleep over again.

           Camila got it (they have some telepathy link, don’t question it) and whisper-yelled, “I can’t do that! You, by first-hand, know how much of an awkward shy mess I was when I met you and now I must have more than one friend or else I’ll look like a total loser and complete loner! And we are gonna be stuck with the same group of people for 4 years! Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that we are our only fri-,” Camila stopped when she saw the glare that Lauren gave her.

          “Okay, okay,” Camila surrendered with her hands up. “My point is, maybe if I’m funny, which to be honest with you, I really think I am,” Camila said with a small shrug of her shoulders, letting out a dramatic huff when Lauren coughed into her hand a strangled “yeah right”. Camila pointed an accusatory finger at her best friend with incredulity swimming in her eyes and justified her statement, “You know you laugh at my jokes, right? Who are you trying to fool, Laur? Hmmmm? You are the one giving me false hope!” Camila accused and ran her fingers through her hair and resumed before Lauren could interrupt her by putting up her pointer finger.

           “All I’m saying is, to fit in, I think I need to be funny. People find funny people likable right? I can make more puns than usual…. Oh, I can even google some jokes online! People love jokes right? Ah, I’m just so stressed Laur, okay? I think I might have social phobia, I think I might need a therapist, I think i-“ Camila’s ridiculous speech is interrupted manually when Lauren leaned forward and put her hand over her mouth, a perfect eyebrow arched as she eyed Camila. There were too many rhetoric questions which the green-eyed girl couldn’t keep up with.

           “Are you done yet? My head is hurting… listening to you speak,” She said with a yawn, taking her hand down from Camila’s mouth and instead taking Camila’s hand in hers and intertwining their fingers. She could see the heavy breaths that her best friend was taking so she looked intently into Camila’s eyes; hoping to calm her down.

           “We’ve talked about this before Camz, just be yourself,” Lauren assured slowly, making sure Camila heard her, “And even then, if no one wants to be friends with you, then they don’t deserve to be your friend. And okay, I admit it,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes playfully, “You might be a little funny, but having a good sense of humor isn’t the only thing that makes someone eligible to be a friend. You don’t have to try to improve yourself so that others like you, likability isn’t everything. And besides, you still have me, right?” She told her in a low tone, brushing her thumb over Camila’s knuckles. Camila managed to even her breathing, listening to Lauren talk. Lauren was always the rational and sensible one, whereas Camila tended to overthink everything and make herself panic for no reason.

        Lauren always had a way to bring Camila back to Earth and she was forever grateful for that. She didn’t even know she had her eyes closed until she opened them and saw emerald eyes focused on her with a smile that was infectious. Camila nodded, taking in Lauren’s words and holding them close to her heart. She fell back onto the bed; finding a comfortable position on her pillow. She turned her head to her right and she saw Lauren still watching her. Camila gave her a cheeky smile.

        “I know I’ll always have you Laur,” confirming Lauren’s words from earlier, “but I think I’m getting a little sick of you,” she said feigning nonchalance as she checked her fingernails and a small smirk grew on her lips. She then heard Lauren’s laugh bounce across the room; causing her heart to jump as her best friend mumbled a quiet shut up, you love me, now sleep into her neck as she cuddled closer to Camila. Her quiet snores filled the room in mere minutes and Camila felt content.

                She really did love her best friend.

                Platonically of course.

——

      Both took a few deep breaths before walking into the alma mater that would be their source of education for the next four years. They had picked out their outfits with slight panic (mostly Camila) the day before, hoping that they will be able to convey good vibes through them. Lauren particularly cared less, sticking to her standard skinny black jeans with a few torn holes in them and a faded band t-shirt, whereas Camila shuffled through her whole closet looking for the outfit that was the one. She emphasized to Lauren that “first impressions matter”, and she really didn’t want to look like a noob, especially since her elementary school clothes looked like they were puked out by a unicorn and suddenly seemed too small for her. All bright colors and glitter. The opposite of Lauren’s wardrobe. Lauren found it cute.

        “Of course you do, you’re blinded by our friendship!” exclaimed a frustrated Camila to Lauren who was laying down on Camila’s bed, having gone through her wardrobe for the fifth time, still unable to find something that satisfied her. With that, Lauren, finally having enough of Camila’s antics got up from the bed and took her hand, dragging her out from her bedroom and down the stairs.

        “That’s it,” she said with a definite tone to the brunette whose hand she was holding, “You are coming over to my place and you can borrow my clothes. And, no, don’t fight me, we are going shopping tomorrow after school to get you the clothes that you wouldn’t be embarrassed to wear. Okay?” she said without waiting for an answer from Camila and letting her walk with her free will once they were outside to Lauren’s house which was just down the street.

        Finally, Lauren managed to find an outfit for Camila which was suitable in Camila’s eyes. She settled with dark blue jeans and a white flowery blouse. Lauren had to admit that Camila looked good, her eyes raking up her friend’s body proudly. Thankfully, they were around the same height, so they could borrow each other’s clothes if they wanted. Camila wore a white bow on her head (as she had an extensive bow collection) paired with the outfit, though she admitted to Lauren that she might stop wearing them soon.

        As they walked toward the auditorium for their orientation, they felt as if they were fresh bait, and in this situation, they kinda were. Gone were the days of boys who were shorter than them and sported boyish looks that were immature and unattractive.

       The boys they saw had chiseled jaws and towered over them; some wearing their signature sport jackets. It was obvious that there were a few boys who were crossing the line of appropriate and flaunted their ego as they whistled when the two girls walked by. Lauren wrapped a protective arm over Camila’s shoulder as she saw her best friend’s cheeks flush like she’s never seen them before. Camila eyed Lauren and mouthed “How are they so hot?” as they walked into the auditorium, finding seats for them amongst the sea of freshman. Lauren simply rolled her eyes at her response, not expecting anything less from her friend of 6 years.

       She’s seen enough movies with Camila to know that her friend was easily attracted to boys. She’s heard her fawn over the lead actor and wish that she was in the heroine’s position. She was a romantic and a sucker for a good-looking dude. The only downside is that 80% of the good-looking dudes were also douchebags. And she has told Camila this fact many times but was often waved off by Camila asking her “not to kill her vibe”. The boys from the school hallways didn’t really phase her much.

      She always found herself feeling as if boys didn’t really interest her much. Maybe she should give them some time.

       Because Lauren was blessed with goddess-like features, she was often the target for boys, though she never pursued them; telling herself that she was too young for a relationship (but in truth, she was just scared). She had piercing green eyes and thick eyebrows that framed them, followed by a perfect nose and plump lips. Lauren did not look her age, and she blamed it on puberty. She only got the devil’s curse last year, but it had made some major progresses in the way that Lauren looked; sharpening her features and even making her voice lower than it already was, giving it a slight rasp.

     Camila on the other hand, was a late bloomer, often complaining about the lack of boobs and butt her body possessed. The only real effect it had on Camila that was noticeable for now was her voice; her once high-pitched and squeaky voice was now low and controlled. Lauren assured her that her body will change, and it will take time, “Every person is different Camz, and please stop poking my boobs, you’ll get your own soon”.

        On a few alarming events, Lauren had found herself admiring a girl or another at random places. Maybe at the shopping mall, or the streets or even the theaters. She had always admired heroines on screen (Hermione Granger, duh) and lead actresses, but she always chalked that up to admiration. She wanted to be like them. She idolized them and their qualities. She didn’t dwell on it much, even today when she noticed the cheerleaders and the beautiful girls in the hallway alongside the jocks too. She told herself it’s admiration like a mantra; for she was afraid that it might be something that she couldn’t come to terms with then.

        She was snapped out of her worries when she heard the deafening screech of a microphone as the Principal tried to talk into it. Half the auditorium flinched, including the brown-haired girl next to her.

       “Hello everybody, and welcome to Miami High!” announced the grey-haired Principal with an excited tone. The students clapped, though rather unenthusiastically, and listened to the rest of the Principal’s speech. After that, the students were divided into five groups and escorted around the high-school so that they were able to see the field, the gym, the cafeteria, the likes of their classes, the office, the teacher’s lounge and so much more. Excitement and slight apprehensiveness filled the air as the freshman felt like their lives were going to accelerate from this point on.

       At the end of the day, all the students were gathered at the gym so that all clubs and societies that wished to promote themselves, could. Clubs like Science and Mathematics, Debate, and even those that revolved around religion made their short presentations, giving the freshman the details of where and when their meetings would be held and what to expect if they joined the club.

      Camila, however, perked up when the Glee Club made their speech. She always felt at home with music; it always being there no matter what language she understood. She remembers listening to the radio on the way to America for the first time, the notes and the melody of whatever song that was playing calming her instantly. Ever since then, music had always been her passion. She learned the guitar at the age of ten by herself and found equity doing so. Naturally, she started singing as well. Lauren, after hearing her for the first time, was flabbergasted at her talent. She complimented her with wide eyes and a bright smile, telling her that her voice was “amazing and unique!” and proceeded to give her a tight hug; telling her she was going to be a superstar. The alabaster skinned girl always found a way to boost up her ever-unsteady confidence.

        On the other hand, Lauren was always inclined to sports. She had a history of playing softball with her family and even in elementary school. She loved the thrill it always brought her; the air stacked with competitiveness and the hammering of her heart when she felt sweat roll off her face. It also helped that she looked damn good in a uniform, as pointed out by Camila. “You’ll have an ass like mine soon, don’t worry Camz”, Lauren had cheekily retorted to her best friend; earning a playful punch to the shoulder for that.

        So, when she saw that the Softball team was recruiting, she was excited to join. Not to mention the fact that the girl who was presenting was breathtaking with her wavy blonde hair and lithe figure, but Lauren would never admit that to herself.

         “Lauren, I think I know what club I’m joining,” A distracted Camila with reddening cheeks remarked, still eyeing the cute boy with the blue eyes and curly hair who had presented for the Glee Club. A minor perk, she thought; attempting to get rid of the butterflies in her stomach. She always found colored eyes beautiful, ever since she saw Lauren’s.

         “I think I know too,” Lauren replied as she followed the blonde head until she disappeared out the gym; a thundering heart conflicting the staged thoughts in her head.

——

        “Who the hell picked Mulan for the five-hundredth time?” Camila huffed as she sat down on the carpeted floor of Lauren’s living room in her pajama pants and faded Spongebob t-shirt; eyes catching sight of the Disney symbol appearing on the TV.

    “Don’t look at me, Chanch…. you much rather look towards your best friend over there,” a tall dirty-blonde haired girl remarked from her slumped position on the black leather couch. She was in the process of checking Twitter for the umpteenth time that day and indignantly pointed her finger towards the kitchen where her green-eyed friend remained preparing the popcorn.

    “How do you even know it’s Mulan? … It hasn’t even started, also, I’m pausing it because the girl of the house isn’t here yet, Lauren hurry up!” a dark-skinned girl with flawless skin and perfect teeth bellowed, taking the remote from the tall girl next to her on the couch and paused the DVD player.

    “Mani, the kitchen is really not that far away, I can hear you fine if you talk with your normal volume thank you very much,” the raven-haired girl sassed as she walked into the living room seconds later with two green bowls filled to the brim with popcorn in each hand; the buttery smell causing everyone to whip their heads to the delicious snack; earning collective “That smells so good” and “God, I’m hungry”.

     Lauren passed one bowl to the two girls on the couch and maneuvered around them, sitting next to Camila on the floor and placed the other bowl in front of them.

      “I know it’s Mulan because,” Camila directed her narrowed gaze to Lauren who had a messy bun on her head as she sported a done-with-your-shit tone when Lauren pretended to pay attention to the movie that had just been resumed, “It’s the only Disney DVD that this vampire possesses. And we have watched it a million times,” she finished with a whine; head tipped back.

        “I don’t mind though. Mulan is such a badass,” retorted the dark-skinned girl, munching on popcorn and Lauren turned her head around with a huge smile on her face and gave her friend a high-five with a “Yes, Mani understands”.

       “It wouldn’t hurt to have a Lion King disc in this house,” the dirty-blonde retorted, sending an unamused glare at Lauren and holding it; her phone finally put down. “I mean, its only the best movie Disney has ever created,” she said with a small smirk as she saw Lauren whip her head to the opposite side of the couch with her jaw comically open; ready to start a debate.

       “Okay, y’all better stop before it even starts,” Camila quipped, putting both her pointer fingers up, one directed at Dinah, and the other at Lauren. “Forget I said anything, lets just watch the movie okay? Okay,” she answered herself.

        Lauren simply narrowed her eyes at the blonde and the other does the same back. She playfully does the I’m watching you gesture with her hand and the other girl does the same back to her with a smirk placed on her face. Lauren broke her serious façade and chuckled throwing popcorn at the other girl who, with surprisingly fast reflexes, caught it and popped one into her mouth; giving her a victorious wink. Lauren childishly stuck her tongue out at her and whipped her head back to the TV with a chuckle; entertained by her friend’s antics.

       Dinah, the dirty-blonde, became friends with Camila through Glee Club. When Camila attended the audition for Glee Club, looking like a scared puppy, Dinah, the ever-active social butterfly who was also a freshman, approached her with her boisterous attitude and personality. Camila was majorly shy at first, thinking Dinah was older than her because of her height and her looks. Who the hell looks like this at fourteen, she thought to herself eyeing her mature features.

       But when Dinah sat with her throughout the meeting and made funny jokes and highly inappropriate comments about the teacher as well as some seniors, the brunette had her hand covering her wide-open mouth as she couldn’t believe the straight-forwardness that the blonde had; deciding that she needed this person in her life and unable to deny the spontaneity of their friendship. It continued to progress as they talked about their passion for music and their favorite artists and deepened even more when they heard each other sing.

      Dinah’s voice was smooth like silk but at the same time strong and soulful; it had Camila’s mind reeling with disbelief and amazement.

       “Are you sure you’re not related to Beyoncé? Because you kinda look…. and sound like her” Camila extolled her with genuine curiosity, totally starstruck after listening to her new friend’s audition.

      “Pfft, I wish,” the dirty blonde flipped her hair over her shoulders playfully, giggling after that with a shy smile on her face and voiced a soft thank you.

       After Camila’s audition, the blonde practically ran towards her and engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug. Camila, not used to that type of contact with a person she had met only a few hours ago, had cheeks red as a tomato once put down by the other girl whose smile was so pretty that it was hard to look at.

       “I’m sorry,” she apologized sheepishly, still grinning at Camila, “I’m just so happy that you’re amazing at singing, cause I want to stay friends with you cause you’re really nice, and I can’t be friends with you if I have to lie to your face all the time, that’s just cruel, so thank God that you can sing,” she rambled, gesturing wildly with her hands; her chocolate orbs meeting another hue in Camila’s.

Camila’s smile couldn’t go any wider.

       And when she introduced her to Lauren the next day during lunch at the cafeteria, her heart soared when they clicked instantly, comparing passions and jokingly throwing jabs at each other. Both of their carefree spirits clashed, and a new friendship bloomed right in front of Camila’s eyes. She was so happy.

       Lauren met Normani Kordei during the softball tryouts. The other girl was warming up, bending in positions that Lauren couldn’t even dream of reaching and found herself staring. Embarrassingly, that’s how they met for the first time.

         “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” the dark-skinned girl mocked as she felt the green-eyed girl’s eyes boring into her.

           Flushing a deep red, Lauren instantly looked away and attempted to explain herself; just realizing just how creepy it was to stare like a moron.

           “I’m so sorry, you’re just so flexible,” she explained with a shy grin, her eyes unable to meet the other girl’s; reprimanding herself for being a weirdo. Attempting to steer clear of an awkward conversation she added, “Do you do gymnastics or something?”.

           The dark-skinned girl who had been watching the girl with a lopsided grin adorning her face, let out a small giggle; getting up from her position on the ground, sweat shining on her forehead. “Yeah, I actually did,” she confirmed, showcasing her pearly whites. “What’s your name?” she asked.

          Lauren sputtered, not expecting her to engage in conversation after acting like she did. “Um, I’m Lauren. Lauren Jauregui, I’m a freshman” she told her, a shy smile on her face. The other girl gave her a toothy smile in return and told her, “My name’s Normani, I’m a freshman too and it’s nice to finally meet someone new… even though you kinda forced our interaction,” the black-haired girl who had her hair in a ponytail teased her with a smirk on her face.

 Lauren’s eyes widened.

         “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to stare, I know it’s rude, but I swear I’m not a weirdo,” she ranted, her eyes meeting the dark ones of the other girl’s pleadingly; hoping to have repaired some damage. Normani just lets out a laugh and slings an arm around Lauren, urging her to walk with her on the field, effectively turning her around in the process. “I’ll be the judge of that,” she commented, smirk still in place. Lauren was about to respond but got interrupted by the blow of a whistle. Normani only shrugged and let go off her, leaving Lauren to let out a frustrated sigh.

        The tryouts carried out flawlessly for Lauren. She managed to meet the coach’s expectations and she even passed the fitness training that they had. She felt content with her tryout and felt ecstatic when the coach gave her two thumbs up after she was done. She met Normani’s amused glare a couple of times and simply shrugged. She also realized that the blonde who had presented on the first day was there with all the other team members, watching and assessing the newcomers and she felt a blush warm up her cheeks as she managed to get a closer look at the girl.

        She noted her long blonde hair that was in a ponytail just like hers was and her sharp features, especially her jawline. She shook her head, getting rid of her wandering thoughts; not wanting to be distracted on this important day.

       Normani wasn’t far behind; her speed and agility were prominent. She would be perfect to run base, Lauren thought, amazed with her skills. The coach seemed to like her as well, giving her two thumbs up as well.

         As she gathered her stuff in the locker room, the blonde from the auditorium approached her and Lauren felt like throwing up. Out of fear or out of excitement she couldn’t tell.

       “Great play out there, I’m looking forward to seeing more of you,” she complimented, a soft palm on her shoulder; causing Lauren’s brain to short circuit for a second before replying with a soft “Thank you. I hope so too” before the blonde, flashed her perfect white teeth and rushed off. Holy shit, she’s so beautiful, Lauren thought absentmindedly; as she replayed the moment in her head repeatedly, not realizing just how incredibly gay she was acting. It’s probably just a minor girl crush. People have those right?

        Before exiting the locker room, Normani caught up with her; her outfit changed after taking a shower and proceeded to sing her praises. Lauren blushed and thanked her, before finally starting a conversation that did not start on a bad-note. She fawned over her amazing skills as well before asking her about her previous school, her parents, her passions and Normani did the same with her. They spent their time walking and talking back to the entrance of the school and they exchanged numbers. Lauren found out that Normani had a great sense of humor and was a very humble person; it warmed her heart.

       She introduced her to Camila and Dinah the next day and felt her smile grow when they speedily gelled with each other; questions and puns bouncing off the bubble that the four of them had created for themselves. She met Camila’s eyes at the table and smiled at her; holding her gaze, knowing that they were thinking the same thing.

They couldn’t have asked for a better pair of friends.

          This lead to them hanging out whenever the four of them could. Basking in each other’s company and building a bond that was solid. So much laughter, meaningful talks and even inside jokes developed between them. Trips to malls, theaters, amusement parks, and the regular sleepovers that happened in either girl’s house were a constant for them. Because they also had classes together, they even studied together and opted to be paired with each other whenever there were paired assignments or groupwork to be done.

           “We have successfully formed a clique! Isn’t this exciting!” exclaimed Camila one day; effectively interrupting the heated debate that was going on between Normani and Lauren about the likes of pineapple on pizza; causing them both to turn to Camila with annoyance.

           “Mila, why do you make everything sound uncool….,” Dinah said uninterestedly from her position on Camila’s bed, during their first ever sleepover together as a foursome.

           “Shut up CheeChee,” Camila huffed her nickname for Dinah and rested her head on Lauren’s shoulder next to her. Lauren instantly lost her irritation.

           “Aw, Camzi, don’t be sad, you’re uncool, but we like that about you,” Lauren purred into Camila’s ears with a baby voice; causing Normani in front of her to wince.

            “Girl, speak for yourself,” the dark-skinned girl supplied, feigning indifference, and got a high-five from Dinah who had leaned over Lauren and Camila with a loud “Yas girl!”; practically shoving her boobs in front of their faces.

         Camila sat up abruptly and shoved Dinah away from Normani with one hand and got fake angry, trying to suppress a smirk as she pointed a finger at her. “You traitor! You will pay!” she yelled as she jumped on top of her, simultaneously grabbing a pillow and straddling her and whacking Dinah’s body with it.

 (Camila can be coordinated if she really wanted to, even though she was an uncoordinated mess 80% of the time)

          All of them knew that Dinah was strong enough to beat all of them up without even using half of her strength, but she feigned weakness as she cried “Stop it! I’m dying! You’re a monster!” to Camila in a British-accent (nobody knows why), with her hands outstretched in front of her and trying to stop the blows from the pillow Camila was holding.

         Lauren and Normani exchanged a look that can only be translated to why are we friends with these children before smirking at each other and snatching the pillow from Camila’s hand. They then pull Camila off Dinah into the space next to her. She screamed bloody betrayal as all three of her friends ganged up on her and tickled her, her laughs ricocheting and echoing through the room.  

           Which brings us back to their Mulan movie night a year later, where Camila heard Dinah and Normani’s slight snores behind her. And where Lauren’s head was on her lap and her fingers subconsciously ran through her luscious hair. Camila silently watched as the heroine in front of her saved China and she couldn’t be more satisfied.

——

       No matter how much time the foursome spent together, Lauren and Camila would always find time only for the both of them. They hung out mostly at their own houses, just reveling in the presence of the other girl. Lauren laid down on Camila’s bed as Camila strummed a few notes on her guitar, sitting on the chair adjacent to the bed.

Sophomore year is about to end soon, and it scared them how fast the years are going by.

       There were small changes that resided between both the girls, externally and internally. Externally, it was more related to the reputation that they had in school. Lauren was known as one of the best softball players on the team. Her name was chanted during every game; often being the player which manages to win them the game. Every time, she sees Dinah and Camila on the stands, shouting their heads off; faces painted with their school’s softball team colors. Knowing how much Camila despised sports in general but still took time to learn the rules and regulations of the game just so that she could come and support Lauren, meant everything to her.

       Dinah was much more aggressive than Camila, shouting expletives at the referee at every foul he gave the school team (even though sometimes he would be right); causing Camila to clumsily cover her mouth and try to calm her down before they got kicked out from the stands. Every time Lauren would hit a homerun, she’d run all bases and whip her head to the stands just to give Camila a flying kiss.

(She convinced herself it was for Dinah too)

(But deep down, she knew that was not true)

       The emerald-eyed girl found out the blonde girl from the auditorium’s name as she played on the team as well. It was Ashley Frangipane and she thought it was the most beautiful name ever.

It got harder and harder for the girl to dismiss the way her body reacts whenever she sees the other girl.

       She had only ever exchanged friendly-teammate conversation with her; mostly talking about the game or new tactics that they could use. The blonde was also the captain of the team, so she was always there for every practice and it made Lauren’s heart trash around. As they always played mock games, Lauren’s eyes would find themselves trained on the blonde girl and her limber figure.

       They trailed over the curves of her body constantly and spent the most time on the girl’s face. Plump lips, prominent cheekbones and a sharp jawline had turned Lauren into complete mush; unable to control her ever-growing crush. Normani had caught her staring and being distracted one day, and she confronted her about it; noting the dreamy look in Lauren’s eyes.

        “Something you want to tell me, Lauren?” Normani asked with exhortation lacing her tone as their practice ended, a small smirk on her face as her black eyes shifted to Lauren’s.

        Lauren flushed and gave Normani an angry look, suddenly feeling defensive but mostly fear. “There’s nothing to tell, Normani. Now back off, and mind your own business,” she reprimanded with an annoyed gaze aimed at Normani, tone hard but faltering at the end, reflecting the fear she possessed as she rushed to the showers without waiting for Normani.

        She felt guilty for letting out her frustration at the dark-skinned girl and immediately apologized to her as she exited the shower; finding her in the locker room with a sad smile and an apologetic look on her face. Lauren simply shook her head and wrapped her arms around her; mumbling a “sorry” into her neck. Normani nodded; she understood.

       Lauren thought about her feelings for Ashley that night. She had been feeling this way for a long time and Ashley was a senior. And to make it an even more impossible catch, she had a boyfriend and was very blatantly straight. She often caught Ashley talking about boys or gushing about the cute things her boyfriend did for her. She always felt a twinge of jealousy in her heart and she despised it. It makes her feel sticky and disgusting, but it hurt her even more because she knew that her love could never be reciprocated.

       She doesn’t know why it’s so hard for her to accept. She supported the LGBT+ community with her whole soul, but it didn’t occur to her just how much of conflict they go through finding themselves until she experienced it herself.

       It made sense, she figured. The constant excitement to see heroines in action, the constant rejection of boys who had asked her out, the confusing dreams, the way her heart thumped against her chest when she saw beautiful girls like Ashley, or even Cami-, oh no, that was her best friend, she dismissed.

(She thinks of the word beautiful, and all she can come up with are two names. Not knowing the significance of the latter until later)

         But she finally realized that it wasn’t admiration, it was longing. She was finally coming to terms with who she was; a tear slipping out of her eye as she thought about how her traditional family would ever accept her or how her beloved mom would react. It’s the uncertainty that was killing her.

        Camila was popular in her own way. She was known for always performing at school events with the Glee Club by her side. She enjoyed it, feeling the rush of a combination of both excitement and nervousness before grabbing a mic and giving her all into it. People seemed to love her voice, often getting compliments from random students after her performance and people begging her to start her own YouTube channel. She even had the chance to play a side character, Anita, in her school’s adaptation of the musical “West Side Story”.

       With each performance, Camila’s shyness was slowly stripped away to bare a much more confident woman that wasn’t scared of social interaction anymore. She had a shining new attitude and Lauren beamed at the changes her best friend was going through; watching from the sidelines and feeling so proud. Lauren was there for every single performance, shouting at the top of her lungs once they were done; clapping her hands ferociously and catching the sight of Camila looking at her with huge smile on her face.

      Sometimes, Camila looked for her in the audience and when she found her, she cracked a smile and winked; Lauren’s heart thundering in its cage for the sole reason that she was in love with Camila’s voice. Yes, her voice.

That’s what they did, support each other.

       Camila’s crush for the blue-eyed boy in her club was slowly growing to be unmanageable. He had a smile that made Camila’s knees weak and a voice that made her heart skip a beat. They would usually sing together as their voices go well together.

(Camila liked to think that they would go well together too.)

       “Cheechee, I swear Drew looked at me when he was rehearsing today,” she informed Dinah excitedly, daydreaming about his broad shoulders and lean body along with the angular features that shaped his face. She just wished she could run her fingers through his shabby black hair. Dinah simply yawned, “Ugh, why are you so gone for this boring white boy, haven’t you seen Mario?” Dinah retorted, licking her lips thinking about the senior. “Mmmm, now that’s a tall drink of water,” Dinah fantasized, thinking about the chocolate-skinned hunk who was also in Glee Club with a voice so smooth it made butter seem rough, as Dinah would put it.

        Camila would just roll her eyes, mumbling something about “not getting it” as she daydreamed for the rest of the club meeting. She had talked to him a few times, mostly about practice and which notes she could improve on, but nothing more. However, sometimes, she would catch him staring at her during practice; only for him to quickly turn away when she does. She internally squealed every time, so sure that it could mean something.

       Does he like me back? The brown-eyed girl pondered; a little excited but scared at the same time having no experience in relationships at all. He was a year older than her, but that was because he had to repeat his sophomore year.

Camila was determined to find out though, she had to shoot her shot.

         Returning to Camila’s room, Lauren’s head swam as she thought about ways to break the news about her new discovery to the brunette. She slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed; her eyes darting over to the brunette who was concentrating on her guitar as she strummed a few notes that strangely sounded like “Hello” by Lionel Richie. Her eyes raked over the messy brown hair that framed her friend’s face; noticing how her face had been looking a little bit more mature lately. It had become longer in a way, making her cheekbones stand out; giving Camila a strong Latin look. Lauren smiled as she took all of this in in awe and thought, my best friend is so beautiful.

Camila looked up then, feeling Lauren’s intense eyes on her; goosebumps rising on her skin. She gave her a lopsided smile, putting her guitar down and climbing onto the bed next to her. Her long legs stretched out in front of her; matching Lauren’s position and looks over to the emerald-eyed girl who is still staring ahead. She had a tense air around her which made Camila frown.

         “Hey,” she said, putting a few fingers on Lauren’s chin and turning it so she would face her; but her eyes were trained on Camila’s plain red shirt instead. Camila saw the furrows between Lauren’s eyebrows and coaxed, voice low, “What’s wrong, Laur?”. Lauren visibly tensed up then, her eyes slowly making their way up to Camila’s face and settling on the two chocolate orbs that always seemed to be there for her when she needed them. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment and Lauren’s heart pounded in her chest; not because of their proximity (that’s what she told herself) but because she was about to reveal a part of her that she had kept hidden from Camila for a few weeks, and her acceptance meant so much to her; it hurt for her to think otherwise.

        Lauren took a deep breath and looked away from Camila, breaking their eye contact. She then shifted her position to sit cross-legged so that she was fully facing her. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath, putting a finger up to silence Camila’s worried “What’s going on?”.

        “Camz, I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise me you will not say anything forat least 30 seconds, not until you process it, okay?” Lauren drawled nervously, her voice shaking slightly; like she was holding in tears (and she was). Camila opened her mouth to say something but closed it and nodded instead, now sitting cross-legged as well as she faced Lauren as well; feeling like she could cut the tension with a knife.

There was pin drop silence before Lauren blurted out the two words that she had been dreading for weeks.

“I’m gay,”

       Lauren kept her eyes on Camila and was slightly mesmerized by the series of expressions that passed her face.First, it was very neutral, her eyes just looking at Lauren like she was trying to connect the words she just heard to the person who was sitting in front of her. Then, it was recognition. Her eyebrows arched higher than Lauren knew they could ever go and her mouth parted slightly, like she was dumbfounded by the information. And lastly it was happiness, a wide grin taking place on her face as she processed the new information and Camila felt her eyes brim with tears of joy and relief, worried that Lauren would tell her some horrible news; and this was nowhere close to that.

              Before the 30 seconds was up, Camila had jumped forward into Lauren arms, hugging her like a Koala Bear; her face buried into Lauren’s neck and long arms clutching onto her. Camila felt Lauren hugging her with equal desperation and she felt tears on her neck; her heart wobbled in her heart and she moved her hands up and down Lauren’s back trying to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She didn’t say anything though, keeping her promise to Lauren that way. After what felt like 2 minutes but was probably only 20 seconds, Camila pulled back and brushed the tear tracks that were on Lauren’s cheeks with a watery smile and chastely kissed each one before hugging her tightly again.

         “I’m so happy you decided to tell me, Laur. You know this doesn’t change anything for me, right? You’ll still be my vampire, Laur, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” she murmured into Lauren’s ears; lips brushing her earlobes. Lauren was ticklish, so she let out a little giggle and kissed Camila’s cheek when she pulled back.

                “I love you,” Lauren said, her eyes shining with happy tears.

               "I love you more,” came the instant reply from Camila. “I’ll be with you every step of the way, Laur. I’ll always be by your side,”

          And Camila kept her promise when Lauren decided to tell her family the next week, standing right next to her. She was there when her mother simply smiled at Lauren and replied, “And the sky is blue,”.

        She had the pleasure to see the blatant dubiety in Lauren’s eyes before they filled with tears and she ran into her mother’s arms. Clara and Lauren both told her father later in the evening when he came back. Camila simply waited in Lauren’s room assuring her that she will be right there; not wanting to intrude on an unofficial family meeting. When Lauren opened her bedroom door, walked in without a word and sat on the bed, Camila assumed the worst. She quickly shuffled closer to Lauren, ready to comfort her when Lauren simply burst out in laughter. Camila was slightly worried until Lauren collected herself and searched for Camila’s eyes.

         “He said the same thing, Camz. The same…. freaking…thing,” she declared, wiping the tears from her eyes and hugging Camila tightly.

 “I’m so grateful for all of you. So grateful,” Lauren croaked, her voice breaking in the end.

        When the news was broken to Dinah and Normani after they came over after school, they simply shrugged and said, “We know,”. Dinah gave a pointed look at her and disclosed, “Haven’t you seen the way you dress?” with a raise of one of her perfectly trimmed eyebrows.

        Lauren looked dumbfounded, superbly confused at all the nonchalant reactions she had been getting from the people who were close to her, well, excluding Camila, but Camila was a master at being oblivious, so no surprise there.

         Normani simply said one word, “Ashley,” and Lauren’s cheeks turned a deep red. Seeing the fierce reaction from only the mention of a name, Dinah gasped loudly and glared at Lauren, “Oh girl, you better have not be keeping the details of a juicy relationship from me,” she taunted, cracking her knuckles and taking a step closer to Lauren.

“You better tell me who this Ashley girl is, or so help me Lauser, I wi-“

       “Okay, okay jeez guys, can ya’ll just chill, there’s no such relationship” Lauren tried to calm them down but only managed to heighten Dinah’s feeling of being left out; “Oh, I am chill, you haven’t seen me not chill”.

       Camila, however, felt a sudden pang in her chest at the mention of the girl’s name and the implications behind it. It confused her, a frown taking place on her face, but she categorized it to feeling left out as well. She then joined in on Dinah’s you-better-tell-me-now-or-I’ll-kick-your-ass speech to Lauren. Lauren waved her arms up and down yelling “Okay!”multiple times before diving into her story of her crush and the total failure it came to be.

Camila felt a bit better after that.

(It’s only because Lauren isn’t keeping anything from her anymore, nothing else)

——-

        Lauren and Camila got their first kisses in the middle of their junior year; both their kisses happening in slightly different ways that they had imagined.

         Once junior year started, Lauren had fully embraced her new self and was completely open with her sexuality in school. News travelled like wildfire throughout the narrow hallways of the school and the students took it relatively well, though she still got some dirty looks from her peers. She didn’t really care though, because those that were most important to her were right next to her with their never-ending support. Lauren became sort of a safety beacon, as after she came out, other boys and girls alike came out themselves. It was as if they needed someone to do it first for them to have the confidence to. A few of them had come up to Lauren with words laced with candy, praising her bravery and her confidence. She could only blush deeply and say “thank you” when they did.

It also seemed like puberty had decided to take another round on her.

           She had become taller, curves shaping her body at all the right places; highlighted by the torn black skinny jeans and low-cut t-shirts that she always wore. Her cheekbones and jawline were much more prominent than they were before, bringing out her eyes more than usual. Also, because of softball, she gained a toned body that was flawlessly showcased whenever she wore crop tops; her slight abs peeking through. She lost all the excess baby fat that she had. She looked hot and the stares she often got confirmed them.

However, she was not the only one.

         Dinah had pleaded and begged and probably bribed Camila (Lauren chose to believe that) to join a beginner hip-hop dance class with her that was just outside town. The excuse she used on Camila was connected to the lack of coordination that she possessed and convinced her that she needed it if she wanted to be the lead actress for the musical production of ‘Grease’ that the Glee Club was going to produce for their senior year. Camila reluctantly agreed and followed her to the first class. She had almost quit right after because of the obvious lack of dancing skills that she possessed, but Dinah (like the Devil) pestered her, persuaded her that it was very common and all she had to was just be a bit confident with herself. Class after class passed by, and major changes were being achieved in both Dinah and Camila. Both weren’t even plump to begin with, but with the unusual sweaty activity that was foreign to both of them, their bodies slowly started to lose all the baby fat that resided in it as well.

          Dinah lost weight in her face and her hips, making her look leaner and taller than usual. Her cheekbones making a more pronounced appearance, and her curvalicious body turned heads.  Camila’s face was slowly losing the fat in it which made her jawline only that much sharper. She also ditched her lengthy bow collection and got a better hairstyle; side bangs and layered brown luscious hair flowing from her head.

         Puberty finally made an appearance as well, making her grow a few centimeters. Her butt curved considerably more and even a slight presence of boobs had Camila sprouting exuberance.

         Lauren still remembered the day she noticed the obvious change that had happened in Camila. It had been a few months into junior year when Camila wanted a sleepover at Lauren’s house; claiming that she needed her “Lauren Time”. Lauren was reading ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ on her bed for probably the third time in her life whilst waiting for Camila. She looked up from her position on the bed when she heard the door open and sure enough, Camila walked in with a loud “Hi, Lo!”; throwing her overnight bag on her bed. She had come straight from her hip-hop class with Dinah (Lauren still laughed at that, always earning an unamused glare from her best friend), so she was still sweating. She was wearing a gray crop top that was drenched in sweat and black tights; her hair up in a loose ponytail, a few strands escaping to frame her face along with her bangs.

          Lauren’s eyes found Camila’s body over the cover of her book, and it widened comically; thanking the Gods that Camila was focused on her shoes so that she couldn’t see her reaction. Camila suddenly looked like a stranger; causing Lauren’s jaw to silently drop. Her eyes ran down her body and choked slightly when Camila bent down to untie her shoes. She did get an ass like mine, Lauren’s subconscious chimed somewhere in the daze that Lauren was going through.

         It was a struggle to tear her eyes away from her best friend as they found the silver of abs peeking through the exposed caramel skin between the hem of her crop top and tights. It didn’t help that they were glistening.

Get a fucking grip, Lauren.

She didn’t even notice that her bottom lip was held captive by her teeth until she let it go, running her tongue over it. She cleared her throat and forced herself to look back at the book; playing it cool. “Hi, Camz,” she replied after what felt like an eternity; mortified when her voice came out low and husky. Camila walked close to her and grabbed the book out of her hands; Lauren’s eyes snapping to her face and widening slightly again. Her eyes graced the once familiar face she had known, now mature with new lines and prominent cheekbones and a jawline that could cut her decorated with shining eyes; strikingly attractive.

Lauren was speechless as she watched Camila’s lips move, but not hearing her; still caught in her stupor.

              “-again. And-, Lauren are you even listening to me?” Camila accused, snapping her fingers in front of Lauren’s gorgeous face. It was then Lauren finally got a grip of herself, slightly hypnotized by the movement of Camila’s plump lips.

         “Sorry babe, I spaced out,” Lauren tried to play off. She returned to her best-friend mode right away though, “Maybe you should take a shower Camz, you smell like something the cat dragged in,”.

         Camila only dropped her jaw in offense and gave Lauren a push that barely moved her; mumbling “Shut up” under her breath loud enough for Lauren to hear. She proceeded to take her clothes from her bag and step into the shower that was right next to Lauren’s bedroom.

         Lauren willed herself to stop the irregular beats of her heart as she tried to calm down. I like girls, so it is normal to feel attracted to pretty girls, and my best friend is pretty. That’s it, Lauren reminded herself like a mantra in her head. Never mind the fact that her friend suddenly looked like a supermodel. She cleared her throat and tried to get the image of Camila in sweat out of her head.

          When Camila returned, she had to get these new (or so she thinks) thoughts out of her head by normalizing it. She was always open with Camila anyway. So, when Camila walked in with only booty shorts and a faded black shirt with Spongebob’s face on it and wet hair, Lauren was rather harshly reminded that this was a girl that she had known forever. She situated herself next to Lauren on the bed and grabbed a book from Lauren’s nightstand, but before she opened it to read it, Lauren jokingly faced her and asked her:

          “So, when did you get an ass?” she questioned with a sly tone and a wiggle of her eyebrows. She smirked when she saw the blush to rise to Camila’s cheeks as her jaw dropped opened.

          Camila let out a playful scoff and pushed Lauren’s shoulder away from her. She pursed her lips and gestured with her right hand to nothing.

          “Turns out, all I needed was some exercise,” she confessed playfully flipping her wet hair over her shoulder (a habit she learned from Dinah), “who knew I had to sweat a little for puberty to finally hit me,” she joked, her tone incredulous and eyes wide.

          “Well, you still got a long way before you get an ass like mine so…,” Lauren trailed off, lying through the skin of her teeth and pretended to resume reading her book, her voice raspy.

 She then felt Camila chuckle next to her and her heart warmed up.

          “Wow, you’re so humble,” Camila said eyeing Lauren’s symmetrical side profile, silently admiring it; identifying a crack in her façade, “but it’s true though, your ass is amazing,” she concurred, admitting to Lauren’s submission and causing Lauren’s breath to hitch.

(She was so used to Camila complimenting her, so why does it suddenly have new effects on her?)

            Lauren, begging her upcoming blush to go away, looked at Camila then with a hand on her heart; simulating shock. “Oh my God, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me Camz,” she whisper- yelled at her, dramatically wiping a non-existent tear from her eyes; causing Camila to have full-fledged laugh, her wide smile stimulating feelings in Lauren she couldn’t explain.

           It was June when Lauren got her first kiss. Being the Casanova that she was in high school and earning looks of longing from many people, she was bound to get a few date proposals. Ashley was long gone but she still rejected most of them, due to just pure fear of a full-blown relationship; knowing that she must concentrate on her studies to get into the university that she had always dreamed of going to along with Camila; and commitment just takes up a lot of time.

        However, when a petite-brunette called Ariana Grande that was in her Biology class asked her out with fluttering eyelashes and a sly smile, she had to reconsider the ‘rules’ that she had made for herself in her mind. This girl was beautiful in every sense of the word. Dimples at the side of her mouth whenever she flashed her toothy smile at Lauren along with Italian features that popped out; high-key causing Lauren to stare at her a few times. Her wavy brown hair rushed past her shoulders, making Lauren’s hands itch to run her fingers through them. So, when Ariana shyly approached her after one class, her heart jumped up to her throat and found herself automatically saying “Yes” to her when she asked her if she wanted to watch a movie that night.

          Camila, who was beside her at that time, suddenly felt a pinch in her heart. She was confused as to why she suddenly felt like throwing up and slapping Ariana at the same time. She forced a smile on her face when Lauren squealed and jumped up and down with her after Ariana left the class; three words leaving her lips that caused Camila’s stomach to ache, “I have a date!”.

         The Latina chalks up her confusing body reactions to just pure concern for her friend’s feelings. This was her first date, and she wanted it to be great for her. It didn’t help that she barely knew this Ariana girl, and she felt slightly jealous.

No, not of Ariana. But, of Lauren.

          She had been trying to get Drew’s attention for so long. Camila had hinted that she liked him so many times every time she talked to him, but it always ended up with him chuckling awkwardly and fleeing the conversation.

But it was so easy for Lauren to get dates. People were throwing themselves at her.

(Maybe it’s cause she’s so hot, a distant part of Camila’s brain blurted, and Camila merely pretended not to hear it)

          “What is it about me, Dinah?” she had asked Dinah, frustrated and a little hurt after a particularly useless interaction with Drew after a Glee Club practice they had.

          “I have no idea, Chanch, maybe he just can’t handle the fact that you’ve turned into a hot mama in the past few months,” Dinah assured her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder but Camila only rolled her eyes; mumbling something like “I’m not a hot mama” under her breath.

          “He’s just shy. Maybe you should make the first move,” advised the dirty blonde to the girl with the sad milk chocolate eyes the week before. Ever since then, Camila had been building up the courage to ask the boy out, ideally during the Glee Club practice they were going to have tomorrow.

Maybe that’s why she was feeling a little put off with Lauren getting a date before her.

         She texted Lauren before her date, commanding her to tell her all about it after she came back from the date; finding her rationality after the minor emotion lapse she experienced at school. She had offered to help her with her outfit, but Lauren had declined distractedly. She said that she already knew what she was wearing. So, as enthusiastically as she could, Camila hyped the raven-haired girl for her date seeing that her best friend was incredibly shy.

         “You’re gonna be fine, go kill it, Laur,” she had encouraged her. She waited patiently by her phone; knowing Lauren would keep her promise and call her.

            It was half- past ten when she received the call from Lauren. Unsurprisingly, Camila had fallen asleep and was woken up by the steady ring of her phone. She shot up and grabbed it as soon as she remembered the occasion when she saw “Vamp” flash across her screen.

           Breathlessly and living vicariously through Lauren, she impatiently questioned her. Without even a ‘hello’, Camila garbled, “Oh God, how was it? Tell me everything!”.

           It was quiet on the other side for a while, and Camila felt her smile slipping off her face; suddenly worried that the date was horrible. But before she could cajole Lauren, she heard her soft voice through the phone, and this time, her smile did slip off her face.

         “She kissed me,” came a low voice, emotionless, until it was repeated, much louder and dripping with excitement, “She kissed me, Camz! I just got my first kiss holy shit,”

          Camila felt her heart beating in her chest, and that’s all she could hear for a while. She felt the same pinch in her heart earlier and this time she knew she was jealous of Lauren. She had gotten her first kiss before her.

(It couldn’t possibly be anything else right?)

           She really wanted to be happy for her friend, but the thought of her kissing someone else only made her skin crawl. The thought of Ariana kissing her best friend was causing her to feel sick.

          “Camz, say something! I’m freaking out here!” Lauren exclaimed, and Camila was so thankful the alabaster skinned girl couldn’t see her right now. She didn’t know how she would have been able to control her expressions.

         She didn’t know what she was expecting. People kiss on their first dates, that was normal. So why was she so shell shocked? She used her drama skills to feign excitement and scream back “Oh my God Lauren! That’s amazing,” as her chest heaved and her voice high-pitched, “Spill the tea!”.

          And she heard how Ariana held her hand through out the whole movie and shared her popcorn with her. How she had bought her chocolates. How she looked so cute in her floral summer dress. How she picked Lauren up and kissed her on the doorstep.

         “It felt amazing, Camz,” Lauren gushed to her and Camila could only hope that her first kiss would be like that; the burning in her heart intensifying. It gave her everything she needed to ask Drew out the next day.

         After Glee Club practice and some supportive thumbs up from Dinah who was creeping from outside the room, Camila sauntered over to Drew; confidence and determination radiating from her pores.

She couldn’t pine over him anymore, she had to grow a pair.

       So, she took a deep breath as she stood in front of him and asked him out to a dinner date with her. Drew could only stare at her for a moment; unable to comprehend the fact that Camila had just asked him out before he could. He then nodded stupidly, a small “Sure” coming out from his mouth. Camila grinned victoriously and gave her his number, and also taking down his. She finally did it, she’s finally going on a date with someone she had a crush on since freshman year.

      Why the hell did it take Lauren getting into a relationship for her to pursue one as well? She waved goodbye to him shyly and turned around; catching a glimpse of Dinah’s happy dance outside the room. She rushed over to her and joined her in it.

She was finally going to get her first kiss that she had always dreamed of!

Oh shit.

She was finally going to get her first kiss that she had always dreamed of.

      After school, Camila had texted Drew and confirmed the date to be on next Friday so that she could get to know him more and pick a restaurant that would appeal to both of them. She had told Lauren and Normani the moment she saw them after their softball practice, jumping for joy. Normani had given her a proud tap on her shoulder and announced, “My baby is growing up,” before taking her into her arms.

Lauren, on the other hand, had a bittersweet feeling swirling in her heart.

(Actually, quite like the feeling that Camila had gotten)

      Camila was finally going on a date with the boy that she couldn’t stop talking about since freshman year, and knowing about how romantic she is, this must seem like a sign to her. Lauren was afraid for Camila. Afraid that she would get manipulated by the boy, afraid that he would take advantage of her, afraid for her security, at least that’s what she told herself; but then again, she had never really talked to the boy.

       Sure, she had been pointed to his direction a few times by an effusive Camila and that was it. He could be an actual nice guy for all she knew, he already had the good-looks part down. But she was happy for her, she was gaining new experiences just like she was with Ariana. She had no say because Camila had been completely nice and supportive about her growing relationship with Ariana. They had planned to go out again after school, and Lauren was smitten by her. With that thought in her mind, she dismissed any weird feelings in her heart and embraced the brown-eyed girl, mumbling into her ear with her low voice, “I’m so proud of you, Camz,”.

       “If you need any help with your outfit, you tell us Chanch. We will be there in no time,” assured Dinah with a hand on her hip, and Normani nodding beside her.

       “Yeah, Camz,” Camila’s attention snaps to the emerald eyed girl, “Just let me know if you’re doubtful about anything okay?” she said to Camila, grabbing onto her hand and brushing her thumb over her knuckles. Camila’s cheeks flushed for some reason at the action, and she thanked all of them. She went back home with two words drilling into her head: first kiss.

And it was those same two words that caused her to panic a few days before the date.

       Camila paced around her room, overthinking the whole situation as usual. She had managed to pick out a suitable restaurant, but her mind was going haywire over the fact that she might be kissed in a few days.

       She didn’t know how to! She thought about all the possible situations where she drastically embarrasses herself and she felt anxiety course through her veins.

       What if she accidentally bites him? Or what if he wants to use tongue? What if she drools on him? All the what ifs were only heightening the nervousness in her. So, she did the one thing she could think of, she called Lauren.

       Hearing the troubled tone in her voice, Lauren had abandoned her plans to call Ariana and instead rushed to Camila’s house with distress. Camila hadn’t told her the problem and she was worried. She reached her house and greeted her father on the way in.

(Camila’s father had finally made it to America when she was nine)

       When she reached her bedroom after taking two steps at a time, she opened the door to find Camila sitting cross-legged on her floor and biting her fingernails; a nervous tick of hers. Lauren quickly shuffled next to her, sitting in the same position and putting a hand on her shoulder.

        “Camz, tell me what’s going on, what’s worrying you?” Lauren coaxes, removing Camila’s fingers from her mouth causing her to finally look up into her eyes. Lauren’s tone was rough but smooth at the same time; calming Camila instantly. She wondered how Lauren did it. Lauren noticed how Camila started fiddling with her fingers before she let out a sigh.

          “Kisses,” she whispered, looking anywhere but at Lauren, feeling her cheeks ablaze with the shame from her confession. Lauren only gulped, Wow this is new, she thinks. She knew that her date with Drew is in a few days and that is probably the source of this lip virgin panic. Lauren slightly shuddered at the sex panic that Camila would go through if she was this panicked about a kiss.

          Lauren herself had kissed Ariana a few times, feeling her heart soar whenever she did. She used to think that it probably didn’t feel that great, but she refuted her thoughts once she felt her lips touch Ariana’s. It felt like she was floating. She only used tongue once with her, and the sensation made her feel like she was drowning; her pupils dark after. But she was still an amateur and only a little bit more experienced than her brunette friend.      

          “Camz, c’mon, look at me,” Lauren started, cupping her face and turning her back to face her. “It’s fine to feel nervous, but please don’t overthink it,” she cajoled, meeting Camila’s watery eyes.

         “All you have to do is let the vibe guide you, just pucker up and you’ll be fine,” Lauren advised her with a smile, intertwining their fingers. Camila frowns, running her free hand through her hair and flipping it to the side (a habit she learned from Lauren).

         “I’ve watched enough movies to know that Lauren, I just don’t want to be bad at it, it’s the worst scenario,” she frustratedly explained, her eyes dimming. “He has had girlfriends before, Laur. And he’s gonna compare me to them, and what type of girlfriend will I be if I can’t even kiss right?” she whined, a stray tear running down her cheek.

         Lauren’s heart ripped at the edges as she watched her best friend crumble in front of her. She felt like she would do anything to stop her from crying; to make her stop. She hated to see her friend hurting. She shuffled closer to her and hugged her from the side, running her hand over her lithe back.

         “Camz, you’ll be fine. I have gone through this before. I went in unprepared but look at Ari and me! We’re still together right? And she’s even complimented me on my kissing skills, Camz,” she informed her with a smile, her voice soft and soothing; reaching her hand over to tuck a stray hair behind Camila’s ear, “Practice makes perfect, Camz,”.

          An epiphany had hit Camila when she heard those last words, like she had just found a tool in her toolbox that could finally complete her project. It made so much sense, it was the perfect plan.

She didn’t have to go in unprepared…. not when she could practice.

         She looked up abruptly then, facing Lauren with wide eyes and parted lips. The tracks of her tears drying.

(It’s a decision that Camila would come to regret…or be thankful of, later)

         “Kiss me,” Camila softly told Lauren, her cheeks on fire. This was one way she could have an honest opinion about her kissing skills.

        Sure, she would be giving her first kiss to Lauren, but she rather it be with her; someone she trusts with her life, than a boy that might leave her in a few months for a petty reason.

         Lauren could barely hear her, she thought she had to clean her ears. She was sure she heard wrong. Or Camila had gone crazy. It had to be either one. Though her heart was racking up a storm in her chest, she didn’t want to get her hopes u-believe it.

        Her eyes bulged out of her skull and she had one eyebrow arched. Camila would laugh at the comical look if the atmosphere around them hadn’t thickened like oatmeal in the last two seconds.

 “I’m sorry……what?” a dumbfounded Lauren looked at Camila; praying to God that she was joking.

But Camila was dead serious.

The 16-year-old turned her whole body to face Lauren, having a determined look on her face.

          “Just think about it Laur! It’ll just be a peck! Just so I know what to expect with Drew,” Camila explained, her hands gesturing wildly around her, eyes wide. “Please Lauren, it’ll just be two seconds and then it will be done! We will keep this between ourselves, its just practice, Laur,” Camila begged her, still eyeing an expressionless Lauren who couldn’t find any word in the dictionary that she could use to reply to Camila.

         “We don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable, I understand, but please think about it, please,” Camila drawled out, catching onto the hesitation her friend was exuding. She had a partner for God’s sake.

          Lauren realized the extent of the situation, she would be kissing her best friend. Her beautiful best friend. The best friend that induced a few feelings in her that she didn’t understand. The best friend with doe eyes that could make her do anything, and oh shit- she has pouted.

          Lauren covered her face with her hands, needing to not look at Camila’s full lips right now. The image of Camila’s bottom lip jutting out replaying in her mind for more reasons than one.

But it’s Camila. And she would do anything to stop her from hurting.

She was gonna regret this.

          “Okay,” she murmured dejectedly into her hands before she heard an excited shriek erupt from the brunette. Lord have mercy.

           Camila calmed down after that and smiled cheekily at her, not paying attention to who she was about to kiss but more to the action that she was about to commit. For Lauren, it was the complete opposite. Camila’s smile was wide before she closed her eyes and she took a deep breath, calming herself and taking both of Lauren’s hands into her own. She peeked one eye open to see an incredibly nervous Lauren and said the magic words,

                 “Ready when you are,”

           Lauren wanted to get it over with, so she inched as close as possible to Camila’s face. Taking in her long eyelashes, the slope of her perfect nose, her plump lips; she shuddered internally.

Fuck, what am I doing? She thought disbelievingly as she felt Camila’s breath hit her face and suddenly felt like she had to prove something.

She held her breath and leaned forward to place her trembling lips firmly on Camila’s, feeling all her senses heighten as she felt electricity course through her veins; as if Camila was a power source. Lauren’s heart pounded against her chest and she worried that Camila might hear it.

           Even though she had kissed Ariana multiple times, none of those kisses matched this and she was afraid that this would happen, feeling like she finally found a missing piece of a puzzle while she kissed her best friend.

           It literally took her breath away and she couldn’t control herself for the life of her. Lost in all things Camila, she enclosed Camila’s bottom lip in between hers for a second before letting it go, her forehead resting on hers; breathing in her air for a few seconds before pulling away to see Camila open her shining eyes the same time as she did.

           The kiss lasted for less than 3 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Camila then simply brushed her lips with her pointer finger and thumb. As if she was trying to inspect or recreate the feeling that she felt a few seconds ago.  She tasted like cherries, Lauren thought licking her lips as she eyed Camila’s lips, still swimming in a charged stupor.

What she didn’t notice was Camila was looking at her lips too.

          She snapped out of her daze and gave Camila a shy smile, flipping her hair to the side with her fingers and trying to play off the now painful beats of her heart. She felt as if things were slipping into place, but she felt sick because it was.

She couldn’t explain it.

        She couldn’t explain why Camila made her feel things Ariana couldn’t. Too mortified to even consider the other option.

(Actually, she could, she just didn’t want to)

           “So,” her voice came out husky and cracked, “How was it?” she asked Camila, who had been staring at her the whole time; like she was ruminating something. She took a few seconds to reply, giving Lauren a smile that didn’t really reach her eyes.

               “It felt magical,”

Lauren almost choked on air.

               “And,” Camila resumed, voice vulnerable, “How was I?”

          Lauren felt her throat dry up, as she felt an inevitable lump forming in her throat as the thoughts in her head went wild. She identified the truth burn on her tongue, but she couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t admit it. She couldn’t for now, so she simply gave her a winning smirk, her eyes missing the way Camila’s chest heaved for a second.

           “Eh, you need a little work,” Lauren joked, earning a chuckle from Camila; effectively cutting the fiery tension between them. Camila shuffled back to be situated on Lauren’s side as she just laid her head on her shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed. Lauren felt like she had to clarify; like she had to let Camila know at least half of the truth.

           “I’m kidding Camz…. you felt magical too,” Lauren uttered to her after she gathered her confidence, her cheeks ablaze as her voice became shaky. Camila turned to look at her then, her eyes fixed on Lauren’s for a few seconds and Lauren felt the air get charged around her. But it was broken just as swiftly when the Latina broke eye contact with her and gave her a lopsided smile, playing with her own fingers.

           “I’ll let Drew be the judge of that,” she delivered with her tongue stuck out and her voice teasing, and although Lauren smiled at her, she felt her heart fracture at her words.

There’s always gonna be another Drew, Lauren.

           So, stop, while you’re ahead. Unless you want to ruin this irreplaceable friendship that you have, her inner voice barked at her.

So, she listened.

[sttngfashion]

Interface - 7.03

You guys. Basically we are in a place where we have a few juicy episodes left--mostly two-parters--that I feel like Anna and I are saving for... Anna, what are we saving them for? Maybe a sleepover. Anyway, we have those and then a few of these, mostly-uni eps with like, one or two crazy things.

Also this is a case of I watched this episode a while ago and now am finally getting around to writing it up, so forgive me if I blow past some of the plot points.

Also also, it’s a GEORDI episode, and all the poor thing that that entails. 

But you don’t have to take my word for it. (BA DUM DUM)

Another Saturday night, another smoky Jeffries’ Tube.

But wait a second, something’s not right here... Geordz is missing his headband VISOR! What the WHAT

Oh, that’s much less cumbersome than the VISOR

Obviously this is supposed to be a high tech outfit but to me it looks like the board game The Omega Virus just vomited all over a patchwork Kevlar top. I mean, the black background with primary color highlights is very on brand for the early nineties, along with a large, chunky chestpiece. Maybe this thing will look a little less awkward when we step back. 

Hm. Hard “no” there.

He’s literally trapped inside a dancer’s cage. Riker seems pretty into it. This looks like it’s the same weird cage thing they kept Hugh in while he was learning to be a human. WE’RE ALL TRYING TO LEARN TO BE HUMAN, EVEN GEORDI.

Okay what actually is happening is that this is some VR rig that allows Geordi to control this probe that is on another ship that is trapped in a planet’s poison atmosphere and the crew isn’t responding and this is a way for them to search the ship without dying. The reason Geordi has to do it is because of the VISOR implants in his brain. See, Geordi, you are special!

But also he has some PERSONAL DRAMA that is making this mission ALL THE MORE IMPORTANT.

Crystal ball and metal party hat -- must have decorations for any bachelor pad.

Who’s he talkin to?

MAMA, OOOOOOOH...

Yeah, so weirdly we get a data dump about the LaForge family in this episode. This is probably me not being imaginative enough but her hair reminds me of the saucer section of a kid’s version of the Enterprise. Just let me have it guys. She seems sweet!

She’s the captain of the Hera and it apparently the ship has gone missing. Everyone except Geordi seems pretty ready to concede that she’s definitely dead, but G is, like, not so sure? Which like, seems reasonable? Because it’s his mother?

He ends up pouring all of his mom anxiety into trying to find survivors on the ship the Enterprise is trying to help with its probe. But he’s putting a good face on it.

This is fine.

Because this is narrative television of course this system by which Geordi controls this probe is DANGEROUS, but of course he wants to keep doing it. He’s hooked on the junk. This time, because it’s the end of Act I, while he’s in the thing something catches ON FIRE and he tries to touch it or something and THIS happens:

I mean really it just looks like he tried to make a PB&J on his hands. With chunky, not creamy.

Either way, kinna gross.

So, like, clearly Geordi is not dealing great with his mom’s probably death. His dad tries to talk some sense into him.

Strong Larry Wilmore No-Nonsense Vibes from this guy

Dad is already planning the funeral and Geordi is not ready to handle it. Also, fun fact, Geordi’s dad is an “exozoologist” which means he studies animals from other planets, but that seems like a pretty Terra-centric term to use and I would like to posit that 24th Century twitter would be all over this shit. On the other hand, Geordi’s mom outranks his dad so, take that, patriarchy.

Geordi heads back into the machine even though Picard wants to give him bereavement leave and GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.

Oh hey, I’m not missing, I’m a bajillion light years from where I was supposed to be on this ship. Makes sense, right?

In Geordi’s defense, this would screw with my head too, and not in a pleasant way. Once he tells people his mother is on this ship that is otherwise filled with dead people, it’s time to bring out the big guns.

Okay, well, “big guns” was probably the wrong term to use.

I pulled this image for the tiny model of an Area 51 spaceship on the sponge spackled plinth, but, Deanna’s look is on point, so, hey girl. Not much to say about the uggo art other than I find it weirdly aggressive. The plinth has too much texture.

Shockingly, this also does not persuade Geordi to not go into the eird machine that is now definitely killing him anymore, and in a strange moment, Geordi does some ethical philosophy level shit to convince Data to help him get back into the machine even though everyone else is like DUDE, DON’T.

So he goes back into the other ship and there’s a huge fire.

Whoa.

What’s the source of the fire???

She looks like her son just offered her a dead rat as a present.

Around this point we figure out that something is really not right, and then this happens.

(wait for it) THIS. MOM. IS. ON FIIIIIIRE...

So you could probably fill these blanks in yourself but in actual fact this moms is just a manifestation of an alien life force from the planet that was stuck on the damaged ship and the only way it could manifest itself to Geordi was by using his memories of his mother or whatever, blah blah blah. How is Geordi feeling about it?

UUUUGGGGHHHH MOOOOOOOM

Actually he’s, like, stroking out or something because of the DANGEROUS MACHINE he’s wearing. Fortunately, we have a cure for that.

Bev’s tresses don’t hurt either.

That’s all I got, folks! Happy first night of Hanukkah!!!

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior September 18, 2020 – MR. SOUL!, THE GRIZZLIES, MY NAME IS PEDRO, ANTEBELLUM, THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME, THE NEST, ALONE and More!

Usually, I’d be using this weekend in September to wrap-up my usual week in Toronto for the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), though I haven’t gone the past two years and this year, I couldn’t get credentials because… well, who knows? You would think a virtual festival would allow more press, especially since there wouldn’t be the cost for attending, but the demand was greater than the capabilities of TIFF’s video streaming service, I guess. Either way, there are just way too many movies to talk about this week, so let’s get to it.

After sharing some stuff about TIFF… how’s that for a big-time fake-out?

Despite not getting credentials, I did get to watch a few of the movies, including the opening night film, Spike Lee’s movie based on David Byrne’s American Utopia; Chloe Zhao’s Nomadland, reviewed here; Werner Herzog and Clive Oppenheimer’s new doc Fireball: Visitors from Darker Worlds; and I Care a Lot the new film from The Disappearance of Alice Creed director J. Blakeson, starring Rosamund Pike, Peter Dinklage, Eiza Gonzalez and more.

Starting with American Utopia, I wasn’t sure if this Broadway musical would be for me, despite being a life-long Heads fan. It seemed like it could be the definition of a jukebox musical with Byrne just playing his greatest hits and maybe talking in between. That’s exactly what it is, in fact, but it turns out that Byrne is quite a storyteller on stage as he is in music and books. The way that some of the Heads’ oldest tunes have been repurposed for the stage leads to a lively show where everyone on stage is playing an instrument while also singing and dancing. No, there’s no actual narrative or story tying all of the songs together as might normally be the case but the music and stage show more than makes up for it, and Spike Lee (as always) does a grand job capturing it. This will be on HBO on October 18.

Herzog’s latest doc is an interesting one, and a weird one, and one that’s chock-full of eccentric nerds speaking on the topic of meteorites, as Herzog fills the role of narrator and allows Oppenheimer to take center stage in front of the camera, as the duo travels around the world talking to experts on meteors and meteorites, accompanied by gorgeous cinematography and a beautiful score. I’m not sure this may be as immediate as some of Herzog’s Antarctica docs, but it’s another bonafide experience you’ll be able to see on Apple TV+ from November 13.

And that brings me to Blakeson’s I CARE A LOT, a dark crime comedy with an impressive ensemble cast but most of the focus put on Rosamund Pike’s Marla Grayson, a professional guardian and caregiver who has made a fortune preying on the elderly and putting them into retirement homes before cleaning them out of money. Her partner in crime, Fran, is played by Eiza Gonzalez, and things are looking good for them as they are given a “cherry,” in Jennifer Peterson (Dianne Wiest), an old woman with no known connections who just happens to have a fortune in diamonds in a safe deposit boss in the bank. Oh, those also might belong to her estranged son, a crime-boss played by Peter Dinklage, who is outraged by what’s been done to his mother and swears revenge. Listen, these kinds of dark comedies aren’t always for everyone, because it’s really hard to root for Pike’s character, who is about as close to a “hero” as this movie comes. Either way, Blakeson has found a way to milk a rather untapped source in terms of a unique environment for this crime-comedy that ends up working far better than last year’s The Laundromat by Steven Soderbergh, maybe because it’s more about creating interesting characters rather than trying to give audiences a learning moment. (Also, Chris Messina is fantastic in this movie as Dinklage’s lawyer who first confronts Marla, and I’m really starting to see him in a better light as an actor. No idea what’s planned for this one, although it’s distributed by Elevation Pictures in Canada, and they seem to be making a foray into U.S. distribution. (See below)

Also, the New York Film Festival starts this week both virtually and in local drive-ins with opening night being one of three new Steve McQueen films that act as part of his “Small Axe” anthology with Lovers Rock being available to rent for just $25 via the Virtual Cinema starting Thursday. I still haven’t watched anything, as of this writing, but I hope to rectify that soon, so look for some reviews soon.

Before I get to this week’s movies, I do want to say that every once in a while (or maybe twice), I miss a movie or two. Very seldom do I have a chance to write about said movie while it’s still available to watch in theaters (or in this case, digitally), but not this time!

MR. SOUL! is a doc by Melissa Haizlip (co-directed by veteran Spike Lee editor and doc director Sam Pollard, who directed the excellent Two Trains Runnin’) about her uncle Ellis Haizlip, who produced and hosted the semi-long-running PBS show “Soul!” from 1968 to 1973. It was a touchstone for black communities throughout the country for those years, helping to break so many musical artists and poets and other personalities. I found the movie to be quite amazing, mainly since I had never heard of it. I didn’t move to the tri-state region until well after it was off the air, and honestly, I had never even heard of the show or of Ellis Haizlip, so watching his story being told in such a compelling way with so much archival footage, I was pretty blown away. I feel like what Ms. Haizlip and Mr. Pollard did with this movie is as groundbreaking and as important as the James Baldwin doc, I Am Not Your Negro, from a few years back in terms of helping modern-day people, both black and white, understand the black experience of he ‘60s and ‘70s. Mr. Soul! Is now available through Virtual Cinema across the country, and I hope those who enjoy learning new things will give it a look.

Let’s get to all of the new releases… because there’s a TON!

First, I’m gonna start with this week’s “Featured Flick” and yes, that might be considered Mr. Soul!, but the reason I write this column is to call attention to movies you might not have seen otherwise. That’s why I want to draw equal attention to a movie called THE GRIZZLIES (Elevation Pictures), which played at Toronto two years ago and is just now finally being released.

The directorial feature debut by producer Miranda de Pencier, The Grizzlies stars Ben Schnetzer as Russ Shepard, a recent graduate of McGill, who is sent to Kugluktuk at the very Northern ridge of Canada to teach a bunch of Inuit kids, as part of a program to pay back his college tuition. There, he learns that few teens even bother to show up for school, either kept away by their families’ traditions or just their desire to drink and do drugs. This kind of lifestyle inevitably ends to many suicides. Shepard has a hard time getting through to the kids until he realizes that maybe they just need a hobby, so he puts together a group of boys (and one girl) to play lacrosse.

My first year at the Oxford Film Festival (where I saw Sam Pollard’s Two Trains Runnin’), I also saw another excellent doc called Children of the Arctic about the teens from Barrow, Alaska, which is on a similar Northernmost part of the continent where this based-on-a-true-story takes place. Because I’d seen that doc, I was already interested in the setting for what might have otherwise been a typical teacher helps troubled students, not too unlike last week’s John Leguizamo film, Critical Thinking. What differentiates this from many previous movies like this (besides having lacrosse as its white savior sport, rather than chess) is that the setting is so unique, and it allows director Miranda De Pencier to work with a lot of really talented young indigenous actors, many who probably have never acted before. One exception is Boo Boo Stewart as Kyle, one of the kids dealing with domestic abuse from his drunken father.

I also liked Ben Schnetzer, who I wasn’t even remotely familiar with before seeing this, maybe because he had been doing mainly supporting roles; he proves himself to be perfectly capable of being the type of everyman lead we’ve seen other actors to portray. (Ben Affleck in The Way Back from earlier this year comes to mind.) More importantly, Schnetzer is just great with the talented younger cast. Sure, there are a lot of the normal cliches that come with this type of movie including the rousing coach speech to get the team motivated, but there’s no denying that this is one of the better iterations of a what has been a sadly overused movie genre.

I was kind of surprised to learn that this premiered at the Toronto Film Festival two years ago, and it’s just been sitting dormant waiting for someone to pick it up and release it. Actually, I found it quite shocking, because this is an absolutely wonderful and inspirational story that offers some hope in a world that’s gotten so dreary and depressing over the past few months. If you want to see a movie that can get you out of the doldrums, this is definitely one I’d recommend highly. If you can imagine a cross between The Bad News Bears (or even Slapshot) with Whale Rider, then that’s what The Grizzlies delivers.

Another wonderful and equally inspirational film to seek out is Lillian LaSalle’s doc MY NAME IS PEDRO (Sweet 180), which looks at the life and career of South Bronx resident Pedro Santana. The young Latino came from his own troubles going to school in the Bronx to becoming a beloved educator trying to help others using his unique personality and skill set. There’s no denyhing that Santana’s enthusiasm is quite infectious, so he’s quite beloved by everyone he encounters. Unfortunately, he runs into problems, including being systematically booted from his position at the Ramapo school district due to his lack of credentials. He then spends some time teaching in Haiti and gets a job in Dubai but then gets diagnosed with Stage 4 Kidney Cancer. I won’t say more because it’s a movie that, while not particularly ground-breaking in terms of technical aspects, it is indeed quite an inspirational and heartwarming film in the way it tells Pedro’s amazing story. My Name is Pedro will open at the Maysles Center’s Virtual Cinema in New York on Thursday, and then the Laemmle in L.A. on October 2, and then more cities on October 9.

There aren’t a ton of other prominent docs this week, although one of the more high-profile ones is Dawn Hudson’s doc THE WAY I SEE IT (Focus Features), which unfortunately, I received too late to watch and review. (Partially my own fault, to be honest.) It takes a look at two Presidents, Barack Obama and Ronald Reagan as seen through the eyes and lens of renowned photojournalist Pete Souza, who was the official White House photographer and had an unprecedent access to the country’s leaders. The movie will open in select theaters but then will be on MSNBC on Oct. 10 at 10pm Eastern.

Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz’s thriller ANTEBELLUM (Lionsgate) is a movie that’s being released this weekend via VOD after being delayed since April. Honestly, I’m not sure what I can say about it, because it relies so much on its rather ludicrous twist that anyone who watches the trailer can probably figure it out in 15 minutes or less. But I’ll play along. Janelle Monáe plays best-selling author Veronica Henley, who has been having dreams about being back in the Confederate South, working and being abused as a slave by racist soldiers.

We probably should get out of the way that Bush & Renz’s movie actually opens in the Antebellum South on a plantation where we watch a number of slaves being tortured and killed, including Monáe’s Eden and a fellow slave played by the always wonderful Kiersey Clemons from Dope. Jack Huston plays the particularly loathsome Confederate captain who is so awful to them.  About 40 minutes into the movie, we meet Monáe’s Veronica Henley as she wakes from a dream of going through that ordeal we just watched. Got it? So it was all a dream, right? And I bet you really believe that. Again, I promised not to give away the “big twist” but after watching Veronica and her friends (including Gabourey Sidibe from Precious) attending a book conference and Veronica dealing with all sorts of weird people (including Jena Malone in a deliciously evil role) and other strange things, the movie quickly gets tiring. It just takes so long to get to how and why Monáe and the others are on the plantation, and there had to be a better way of making that happen in a more interesting way.

At least the film’s last act turns into a bonafide revenge-filled action thriller, and by then, you’ll be ready to see anything that gets your pulse above a 5. The last 20 minutes are so good you wonder why the filmmakers didn’t seem to care that they were likely to lose people from walking out of theaters – or I guess their homes -- long before the movie gets anywhere worthwhile.

I didn’t watch the trailer for Antebellum until after seeing the movie, but it’s a particularly deceptive piece of work because it says it’s from the “Producer of Get Out and Us,” so you assume (as I did) that this is a movie produced by Jordan Peele or Jason Blum, but neither is involved with it. The trailer also inserts a number of scenes that do not appear in the movie to try to make it seem eerier, and frankly, this being sold as a “horror movie” is probably its biggest infraction. Instead, Antebellum is a weak “Twilight Zone” episode that’s handled so poorly you’re not sure whether to be offended by figuring out the twist almost immediately or offended that these two filmmakers thought they might have you fooled for longer than that. Again, Antebellum is skipping a theatrical release entirely and being released straight to VOD, which is probably for the better.

Antonio Campos, director of Simon Killer and Christine, returns with his adaptation of Donald Ray Pollock’s THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME, which will be streaming on Netflix actually right now! Set in 1957, it stars Tom Holland as Arvin Russell, the son of a religious father (played by Bill Skarsgård) who has come home after seeing all sorts of horrors in World War II. The expansive story follows both father and son but also the residents of a small town called Knockemstiff in Southern Ohio and how they’re all connected through a series of incidents.

Narrated by Pollock himself, Campos has created a brilliant Southern Gothic thriller that’s far more of an ensemble piece than some may expect because the biggest name stars, Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson, don’t appear in the movie for a good 40 minutes! Instead, we follow the story from Arvin’s father Willard and the incidents that lead to Arvin becoming an orphan, living with his half-sister Lenora (Eliza Scanlen). Years later, Arvin finds himself having to protect Lenora from the lecherous young preacher, Preston Teagarden (played by Pattinson), who is preying on the town’s young women. The movie also stars Jason Clarke and Riley Keough, as a couple who pick up hitchhikers for evil intentions, and Sebastian Stan as the latter’s sheriff brother who gets dragged into all the evil-doings in town. It also has Mia Wasikowska and Haley Bennett in smaller roles as two of the beleaguered women caught up in the story.

I went into The Devil All the Time knowing full well that I’m rarely a fan of most Southern-based dramas with a few exceptions, like Dee Rees’ Mudbound. There have been just as many that just didn’t connect with me like Hounddog. Either way, this is a similarly complex tale for Campos to tell because there are so many characters, and it spends quite a bit of time in the past before we finally meet Holland and Pattinson’s characters. This will most definitely annoy some people, but I was intrigued enough by how everyone was being slowly introduced that it didn’t bother me so much.

I’ve always been quite aware how talented a filmmaker Campos is but like with Rebecca and Michael C. Hall in Christine, he also benefits from having one of the strongest ensemble casts put together, as well as great craftspeople -- like cinematographer Lol Crawley -- helping to realize his vision.

It takes its sweet time getting to the point where things start to get interesting, which for many will probably be when Pattinson shows up as Preston Teargarden. At first, I didn’t like Pattinson’s character or performance much, but it certainly grew on me and it’s not the only solid performance of note. Campos has created a movie that gains so much from a second viewing once you know the true nature of the characters. Make no mistake that Campos has kept all the complexities of Pollock’s book for a movie that kept my attention in ways that few other movies have this year with a number of scenes that really shook me up. Besides streaming on Netflix today, The Devil All the Time will actually be opening theatrically in a few cities so check your listings! I interviewed Campos over at Below the Line, and you can read my interview with Cinematographer Lol Crowley over there later today.

As excited as I was to watch a new film from Campos, even MORE exciting, in some ways, is that we’re getting a new movie from his (former?) Borderline Productions partner Sean Durkin, whose Martha Marcy May Marlene was one of the breakouts from Sundance the year it premiered all the way back in 2011. Durkin has returned with THE NEST (IFC Films), a movie starring Jude Law and Carrie Coon as Rory O’Hara and his wife Allison, a married couple with two kids who move back to England for his job, taking up residence in an opulent mansion before things start to fall apart.

I went into The Nest (i.e. I hit play on the screener on my computer) thinking that it was going to be one of those old school British thrillers from the ‘60s and ‘70s, especially once it gets to the giant eerie mansion that reminds you of something from The Omen (one of my favorite horror movies, incidentally). In fact, the movie is more of an intense family drama where we watch Law, Coon and their kids pushed to the edge by circumstances, which one might assume is something being caused by some toxic aspect of their new house, but actually, nope, it’s just everyday life stuff.

For Law’s Rory, it’s a huge deal that falls through as he tries to bullshit his way through it, yet he keeps turning to his wife for money. She has her own problems to deal with including her rebellious stepdaughter Samantha (Oona Roche) and younger son Benjamin (Charlie Shotwell), neither of whom are adjusting well to the move. Her hobby is riding horses, and just bad things keep happening to all of them that all collides on one fateful night that includes Samantha having a crazy house party.

Although The Nest wasn’t nearly as much of a genre movie as I hoped it might be, one thing that really jumps out and makes it worthwhile is Carrie Coon’s performance. There’s no denying she’s just one great role or movie away from being in the Oscar game. Sadly, this one is is not it.

Like the film by Durkin’s producing partner, The Nest takes its own sweet time getting anywhere as Durkin goes for a slow roll approach, but that also allows him to embellish the images with a great score that includes quite a bit of ‘80s music. (I wasn’t sure if the movie actually was taking place in the ‘80s or not.) Although the influence of Stanley Kubrick seems fairly present in Durkin’s The Nest, it’s really more Eyes Wide Shut Kubrick than The Shining, and that might dismay those who are seeking the film’s horror potential. But if you like Eyes Wide Shut and go in expecting that, you won’t be as disappointed.

Another really solid thriller worth seeking out is director John Hyams’ ALONE (Magnet Releasing), which actually played as part of the Fantasia Film Festival a few weeks back. It’s true that there have been way too many movies with that title, but this is a fairly compelling thriller that starts as something that might seem fairly obvious and then goes into so many amazing and unexpected directions. The movie stars Jules Willcox as Jessica, a widow who is moving to a new place when she encounters a creepy guy on the road (played by Marc Menchaca), who seems to be following her. Pretty soon, it’s obvious that he is following her and has bad intentions for her by trapping her in his basement.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Alone, because it starts out so much like The Hitcher or even the recent Unhinged with a woman being plagued by a creepy guy, and it’s hard to watch at times because it gets pretty violent.  I was definitely uncomfortable watching this, since it felt like there was a voyeuristic aspect akin to torture porn that made me not to watch any more of this poor woman's torture and abuse. Fortunately, she does escape only to have to survive while trapped in the woods surrounding the cabin.

I wasn’t familiar with Jules Willcox before seeing this movie, but her performance and all the places it takes her in terms of fear and desperation is fairly impressive, as is Marc Menchaca, who does a great job playing one of those psychopaths who somehow can behave normal whenever it calls for it. (Think more Ted Bundy than Jeffrey Dahmer.) You combine these two amazing performers with a cat-and-mouse situation that combines their acting with some brilliant sound design work and cinematography, and you have a movie that goes far beyond what I expected from the premise.

Even so, Alone successfully explores the real fear women must face every day when they’re alone and feeling defenseless, and it shows Hyams to be an incredibly skilled filmmaker when dealing with a lot of elements. The last act where all of these skills come together, including some amazing stuntwork, is what takes what’s a thriller with an overly used premise and makes it something that’s far more unique and memorable. It will be available to watch in some theaters as well as On Demand.

Speaking of movies with unfortunate title choices, I’m guessing that director Kurtis David Harder was well into making his movie SPIRAL, on Shudder beginning Thursday, when it was announced that the next “Jigsaw” movie from Lionsgate would be called that. Fortunately, this Spiral has nothing to do with that one, the only thing in common is that they’re both horror. (This Spiral actually played at least year’s Brooklyn Horror Film Festival and a few others, in case you weren’t convinced.) In fact, this one is probably more in the vein of Get Out or even Hereditary, as it follows a same-sex couple, Malik and Aaron (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, Ari Cohen), who move to the suburbs with Aaron’s teen daughter Kayla (Jennifer Laporte) and begin to experience weird occurrences and behavior from their new neighbors. Of course, Malik thinks it’s homophobia, something he’s experienced in his past when he was put through a horrific experience during his early years exploring his sexuality.

I was pretty impressed with what Harder did with this premise, but just as much due to the performance by Bowyer-Chapman than I was of the director’s ability to build the tension as we learn more and more about the couple’s new suburban neighbors. Spiral is just a really well-done thriller in every regard, because it keeps things rather enigmatic, so you’re never quite sure if Malik’s paranoia is justified or not. Combine that solid premise with a terrific score – definitely one of the themes of this week’s movies – and Spiral is another fantastic offering from the horror streaming network that keeps blowing me away with the movies they pick up that you really can’t see anywhere else.

As luck would have it Harder also produced and co-directed (with Noah Kentis, directing under the pseudonym “Lankyboy”) Summerland, a coming-of-age comedy which I didn’t have a chance to see. (Actually, I did, but from the trailer, it didn’t seem like I’d like it, plus I’ve seen WAY too many coming-of-age movies the last few weeks and I’m getting burnt.) Anyway, this queer coming-of-age indie stars Maddie Phillips (Teenage Bounty Hunters), and it’s a road trip comedy that involves social media (if you remember my review of Spree and read one of my reviews below, that’s another warning sight for me), and it’s available on Demand on iTunes, Vudu, GooglePlay and Amazon right now!

And here’s the trailer!

Noomi Rapace and Joel Kinnaman star in Yuval Adler’s THE SECRETS WE KEEP (Bleecker Street), a thriller set in the late ‘50s with Rapace playing Maya, a Romanian woman living in the suburbs with her doctor husband Lewis (Chris Messina), who thinks that their new neighbor (Joel Kinnaman) may be the Nazi soldier that assaulted and killed her sister during the war, so of course, she kidnaps him.

There’s something very familiar about this dramatic thriller, partially because it takes a similar approach as Bryan Singer’s Apt Pupil, but I feel there were other movies like this that I’m forgetting. The title basically comes from the fact that Maya has kept her past a secret from her husband, who gets involved in the grilling of Kinnaman’s character, who has kept his own past a secret from his wife, played by Amy Seimetz. Even while Kinnaman is tied up in her basement, Maya tries to befriend his wife to see if she can get some information that will prove that her captor is who she thinks.

I’m a pretty big Noomi Rapace fan, and I’m always excited to see her in movies because she tends to be give very dramatic performances, and that’s certainly the case although sometimes, the emotions go a bit overboard. The good thing is that here’s another movie where Chris Messina has really surprised me, just like he did all the way at the top of this column in J. Blakeson’s I Care A Lot. I always found him to be a rather bland and very vanilla actor, but he seems to be doing something to change that, and I fully approve.

There were certainly aspects and moments of The Secrets We Keep I liked because Adler is not a bad director, but there are also aspects that made me feel this would have worked fine or even better as a stage play. As a movie, it’s just kind of drab and predictable as the characters spend almost the entire film yelling and hitting each other. When you compare this to some of the movies above, there just isn’t enough mystery about where it might go, so more like Antebellum than Spiral or Alone despite being a more grounded and less genre-based thriller. Ultimately, it just fails, but it will be in theaters and on VOD starting today.

I knew I was in trouble with Will Wernick’s NO ESCAPE (Vertical)  -- not to be confused with the Owen Wilson-Pierce Brosnan thriller – when I realized that the film’s main character Cole (Keegan Allen) was another one of those social media wannabe stars like the kid in Spree. Surprise, surprise, he is JUST as annoying. The concept for this one is that Cole does all sorts of crazy stunts on his feed to prove he’s not scared of anything, but then he and a group of friends (including his girlfriend Erin, played by Holland Roden) are invited to Russia to take part in the “scariest escape room ever” by a guy named Alexei (Ronan Rubinstein). Bad stuff happens.

There are a few rare times when I watch a movie and wonder how on earth a filmmaker was able to put together what seems like a pretty hefty budget for a movie as bad as this one turned out to be, and stuff like that just leaves me shaking my head. The premise itself isn’t so bad, even if it isn’t particularly original. (Imagine my surprise when I looked at Wernick’s IMDB page and his previous movie from 2017 was called “Escape Room” and not the Sony one either. It makes it pretty clear that this guy is the definition of a one-trick pony. Oddly, he ALSO has a movie called Alone.)

The problem is that Keegan Allen and most of his friends – including his best friend Thomas, played by Denzel Whitaker, who seems to have been doing so well in his career up until this movie – are so effin’ annoying, you never care one bit what happens to them, whether they get beat up in fight with Russian mobsters or end up in a series of death traps, many that are swiped directly from the Saw movies. In fact, that’s basically what this movie turns into once the friends are locked into a Russian prison and Cole has to try to save them. It basically becomes a cross between Saw and Hostel, but with Cole so flippant with his jokes and asides to his watchers, it completely takes away from any tension or scares. By the time the movie starts to get serious, it’s just far too late, because just when you don’t think the movie can possibly get stupider, it gets stupider.  (And seriously, if I have to watch ONE MORE MOVIE that has people commenting or clicking on hearts in a way that’s so unbelievable and unrealistic, I’m gonna be even MEANER to that movie.)

The title of this movie may be No Escape, but there is a perfectly reasonable way to escape this time-waster, and that’s just not to watch it. It’s just another exploitative and predictable movie that lacks anything even remotely approaching originality.

There are a few other movies out this week that I either didn’t get to watch or I watched and just didn’t have enough to say to write a review. Listen, you have nearly 13 reviews above, so is that not enough for you?

Susan Sarandon leads an amazing ensemble cast that includes Kate Winslet, Sam Neill, Mia Wasikowska and more in Roger Michell’s BLACKBIRD (Screen Media), which premiered at the Toronto Film Festival last year and is finally being released. After a Fathom Events release over the last couple days, it will be released in more theaters this Friday. Sarandon plays Lily, a woman who has been battling ALS who has decided to end her life on her own terms, so she and her husband (Neill) summon their daughters (Winslet, Wasikowska) and extended family for one last goodbye to celebrate Lily’s life before she’s gone.

Kieron J. Walsh’s THE RACER (Gravitas Ventures) was supposed to premiere at the SXSW Film Festival earlier this year, but that didn’t happen. It’s set during the summer of 1998 during the early stages of the Tour De France where Belgian rider Dominique Chabol, played by Louis Talpe, has been one of the team’s better support riders on the tour for the past 20 years, his job being merely to set a pace and never to win. When Dom is dropped from the team (for doping), he has to see if he can accept a civilian life after meeting a pretty Irish doctor, played by Tara Lee.

Next up is Steve Collins’ absurdist comedy, I’VE GOT ISSUES (Gravitas Ventures), which includes an amazing cast that includes Macon Blair, Claire Titelman, John Merriman and Byron Brown, with Jim Gaffigan narrating. I knew almost immediately while watching that this movie wasn’t going to be for me, and that’s all I’ll say.

A few of the movies I wasn’t able to get to include Last Call (available through the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema), The Last Laugh (High Octane), Film Movement’s God of the Piano and from Kenya, Sam Soko’s doc Softie about photojournalist Boniface “Softie” Mwangi, which won a Sundance Special Jury prize for its editing. There’s a thing called Google if you wanna know more about them.

My beloved and sadly shuttered local theater, the Metrograph, are continuing their digital live screening series with their Ulrike Ottinger retrospective that will debut her film Joan of Arc of Mongolia  (1989) tonight at 8pm. Friday, they’ll be screening Eric Rohmer’s The Aviator’s Wife (1981) and then continuing the “Nan Goldin Selects” series on Saturday and then Ottinger’s Exile Shanghai (1997)  son Sunday.

Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema will add Jan Oxenberg’s Thank You and Good Night (1991) today and then Jan Swankmaier’s Faust (1994) this Friday.

Next, we’ll look at some streaming stuff. The latest from Ava Duvernay’s Array deal with Netflix is Merawi Gerima’s Residue, which follows Obinna Nwachukwu as aspiring filmmaker Jay, who returns to his home in Washington, DC, to find his neighborhood being gentrified and finds himself being alienated by his old friends. It will debut on Netflix Thursday as well as be available in select virtual theaters. A number of series are starting up on Netflix his week, including Ryan Murphy’s Ratched, starring Sarah Paulson as the Nurse Mildred Ratched character from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, this series being a prequel to that Oscar-winning film. Netflix is also launching the four-episode docuseries Challenger: The Final Flight, which features interviews with the engineers and crew’s family members from the 1986 shuttle disaster. Lastly, there’s Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous, an all-ages animated series based in the world of the beloved movie franchise.

Over on Hulu, I’m super-psyched for the second season of Pen 15, starring Maya Erskine and Anna Konlkle, which I discovered well after the hilarious first season debuted.

No idea what’s going on next week, but Gerard Butler’s Greenland certainly isn’t! I guess you’ll just have to come back and find out.

[torispencerkeene-blog]

PARTNERS

Three Things to Remember: 

I am lucky enough to be married to the love of my life, and my best friend. He’s the PB to my J, the shooting to my star, and everything I have ever wanted, and never knew I needed. He might not be a perfect man, but he’s perfect for me. A true soulmate. 

All that doesn’t mean we never fight and argue. In fact, we had some doosies back when we first got married. We both say stupid things we regret almost immediately. And I think that’s true for a lot of couples. 

A few days ago my husband and I had an argument. To be honest, neither of us can remember what it was about, but it ended up with me crying my eyes out because he ‘didn’t listen.’ Have you been there? It’s likely, since humans are not born perfect. We argue with the ones we love all the time, and some things just can’t be forgotten if you want the relationship to thrive.

“Never go to bed angry.”

The first time I came across this concept was from Louisa May Alcott’s famous story, Little Women, which my sister got for me on my eleventh birthday. Ah, the memories of snuggling up, reading that story, bawling my eyes out. But one scene always stuck with me (SPOILER). After Amy nearly dies falling through the ice, Marmee (as they called their mother) told Jo not to let the sun go down on her anger. 

I have a temper. A bad one. It started as early as I can remember. So that message really spoke to me. At a very young age I learned to say I was sorry the moment I realized that my words or actions had upset or hurt anyone. Even if the hurt isn’t meant, even if you were doing the right thing, it’s important to tell someone you didn’t intend to hurt them and that you are going to make sure you don’t do it again. 

So, when my husband and I sat down later that night, I remembered that message. I broke down what I want from my husband into three simple categories. Everything I see happening between us in our lives could fit into one of those three. And then I asked him what things he saw as very important. What surprised me was how much those lists overlapped. So, I want to break it down for you. 

My List: 

Pay attention when I am talking. Active listening. You put away distractions, make eye contact, and respond verbally or through your actions. 

Apologize, without being asked, and mean it. This means you recognize that your actions hurt someone, even unintentionally and that you feel badly about it, even if your actions were necessary or justified (Hint: tone means a lot when it comes to apologies.) 

Little act of love. This means doing something sweet and simple to show someone you care. Whether it be bringing her dandelions you picked while you walked the dogs. Finding that perfect ladybug that your wife wants for no reason other than she looked sad. Getting up to get a drink and asking if she wants one too. 

Thankfully, my husband is incredibly good at the Little Acts of Love. I have never once doubted his love for me. But until I met him, I never knew I needed them. His little notes if he has to leave while I am asleep, or his spontaneous kisses and hugs mean the absolute world to me. Making his hilarious birthday cards by hand, even though he can’t draw worth a damn. 

While he struggles with the other two on my list, it’s not because he doesn’t respect me, or because of any other reason except that they are harder. Maybe his ADD plays a part, but I think a lot of it is because he spends most of his day working, then has to come home and help me quite a bit. When he sits down, he just wants to keep his butt in the chair for five minutes. 

His list looks different at first glance. 

Steve’s List: 

Show Respect. When he speaks he wants someone to listen and respect what he has to say. If he says I should do something, he wants it done, because he never orders me to do anything, unless it has to do with my safety. He doesn’t want anyone talking down to him or blaming him for things he didn’t do either. That’s big with him (and unfortunately happens at work sometimes). 

Give Time to Cool Down. He wants people to stop assuming he is angry with them if he looks grumpy or upset. He needs a few minutes after getting home if he doesn’t smile and laugh. Chances are, it has nothing to do with me. 

Little Acts of Love. He loves it when I write him little notes just to say I love him. He thinks my making him coffee two or three times a day (12 cup machine!!!), even though I don’t drink it, is the best thing anyone could do for him. He likes when I ask about his games, or sit and watch him play (even though he knows I’m not that interested), and he likes that I’ve learned to enjoy some of his favorite shows, like River Monsters or Down East Dickering and watch them with him sometimes. He thinks when I do half a load of dishes (which is about all I can handle before the pain gets to be too much) shows my love in major ways. 

I am really good at the Little Acts of Love, but I struggle with assuming he is angry at me even if he’s coming home from work and I haven’t spoken to him in hours. I know where it comes from and I’m working to stop it, but he finds that to be one of the most frustrating things I do. I am also the exact opposite of my husband when it comes to cool down time. I want it fixed as soon as the argument starts. I absolutely hate confrontation and I don’t like to fight.

When you take the lists as separate things, they both have valid points. But put them together. Take it down to a simpler form. 

You have respect. Show by word and deed that the other person is valued in your eyes. Don’t assume you know what is on their mind and automatically go on attack (which Steve and I have both been guilty of) or put down the things they like or love. There is so much more that goes into showing respect that it would take a year, but you get the point.

Next, you have communication. Paying attention and apologizing both fall into that category. Also the ways we both deal with anger. If we can show each other that we are willing to listen, it makes things so much easier. Eye contact, body language, and tone of voice all play into communication. Talk to someone as though they mean something to you, not as though they are someone you wish would die.

As for the Little Acts of Love, I think that has to be the most important thing you can do in any relationship. Got parents? Maybe take them out for lunch for no reason at all. Have a girlfriend? Find out what she likes and either pick, make, or buy it for her (and it doesn’t have to be expensive). Wife just had a baby? Treat her to your attempt to paint her toenails, as she won’t be able to do it for a while. 

The thing is, those little acts help both people in a relationship. If you notice what someone wants, you become closer to them, understand them. You’ll find you don’t fight as much. And when someone you love brings you a handful of freshly picked dandelions and a happy smile, you’ll realize just why you love that guy with his goofy grin, or that girl who can’t stop texting you to see if you made it home alright. 

People forget that gifts mean more when they come from the person. If you draw your husband a birthday card promising you love him more than you hate his farts, he will laugh. He will also be reminded that nothing is insurmountable when you truly love each other. 

We might not fight as much as we used to, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments in the future. The pair of us want to remember what we just learned, so he worked with me to put this together. For once I feel like we have a real handle on what has made our marriage, and our friendship, last for so long. So, take it from a pair of middle-aged lovebirds with no chicks left in the nest. Remember to respect each other and find little ways to show you care. 

Tori and Steve Keene

(Steve picked me dandelions while walking the dogs)

[arogaba]

I got  tagged

by @romeo-and-simulet​! This looks like a fun tag! Put under a read more for length

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Well, I don’t really have a closet, I have a wardrobe, and that tends to stay closed.

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

Sometimes.

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Out.

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

Nope.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

Not really. If I have one by me and I need to make a note of something important then I will use it. 

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

No. I sometimes use coupons, but never ones you cut out from a paper or something.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

Umm, neither? Probably the swarm if I had to choose.

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

No.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

Not always. Depends on who is taking the picture.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

People who never sat thank you when you hold the door open for them!

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

Sometimes.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

Yes.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

Don’t think so. If I ever did I was really young.

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

Sometimes, but usually that’s because I have music playing in my head XD

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

Nope. I used to chew pen lids but never the actual pen or pencil.

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

Zero.

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

Double.

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Find me (Acoustic version) by Birdy & Sigma

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Sure!

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

Only a few. Certainly not as many as I watched as a child.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

Oh not sure...probably Elysium? Not because it was a bad film, but because I hated where it ended lol.

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

No idea!

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

Usually water or squash. If we’re out somewhere fancy it’ll probably be something else. 

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

Tomato Ketchup.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Mac ‘n’ Cheese

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

Disney Movies, Guardians of the Galaxy, Rollbounce, Breakfast Club

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

My mum I think? (on the cheek)

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

No. I wanted to be one though!

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

Umm. if I had better body confidence then sure!

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

Honestly don’t know. Sometime in high school to a pen pal!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

Nope!

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

I don’t own a car so no.

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

see above

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

PB & J is really nice, or a BLT.

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

I’d say a full English but I can never finish them :(

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

10:30 - 11 on work nights and midnight or later on other days.

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Fo’ sure.

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

A skeleton. 

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Ox I think. 

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

English mostly, but I’m familiar with French, Greek, and Italian albeit a little rusty.

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

Nope.

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

Legos because that’s the only one I know!

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

With certain things, yes.

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

No idea, I’ve never watched either of them.

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

Not really.

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

A little.

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

I try not to.

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

Don’t really sing but I do hum.

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

No.

50. EVER USED A GUN?

Nope.

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

For my old college ID.

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

Not really. Maybe some are, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Not all the time. Sometimes we can have a falling out but it’s never usually stressful.

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

No.

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Apple or maybe blueberry

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

Doctor, Fisherman, Author, Vet...many others.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

No.

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Sometimes.

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

Nope.

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

Yes.(I’m wearing some now!)

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

No.

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Just pajamas.

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

Nothing. 

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

They don’t really exist here? But I suppose Asda is owned by Walmart so I guess I’d have to say that.

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

Nike.

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Never had them.

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

Peanuts.

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

No.

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

No.

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

I honestly don’t mind so long as it makes them happy.

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Yes.

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

No.

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

Not really. 

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

No. My parents do though.

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

We have one but I don’t personally own it.

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

Yeah!

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Possibly...

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

IMAGINE DRAGONS

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

none

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

HOT.

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Tea.

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Neither.

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

Well enough.

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

I can! 

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

Occasionally.

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

I’d say band but all the weddings I’ve been to have DJs.

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

I won a tennis tourney once.

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

Nope.

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

Black

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

I used to be able to knit, but I don’t think I still could.

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

Living room I guess or a library if you have one.

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

At one point yes!

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

-

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

There was one boy I liked but he never reciprocated my feelings. And what friendship we had was ruined when someone told him I had a crush on him.

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

No.

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Yes, but only fictional ones lol

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Undecided. 

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

Any blues or greens

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

I miss my friend Sam.

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

@amixofpixels, @simlovinggirl, @risastorm, @cuteplumbbies, @blurrypxls if any of you are up for it!