#I'm also on a whole ass new computer

[shuenkio]

Dirty Boy | ▹ Lhs

▹Paring: Heeseung X male!reader. ▹Genre: soft smau.

▹Cw: mentioned masturbate, cum, dirty, cursing, public masterbation.

▹Synopsis: Your buddy wants your help.

▹Non proof read|▹wc:1.6k

▹Eng is not my 1st lang | do not copy.

▹Aln: I'm still improve how to write a good SMAU one, so I'm making a way to make it please don't expect too much :').

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Been a buddy for life ever since you were young together with Evan Lee or Ethan Lee. That's what everyone called him.

Whenever there's a party or hangout, even if it's not related to you, he'll still ask you to invite him just so you can socialize and accompany him. He just loves to awkward you with the outside environment.

Later on, coincidentally, both of you and Hee got into the same college with the same major and the same dorm. And you were glad that you didn't have to live with the new face because you were an anti-social human. To your surprise, the Heeseung you've seen every day was the half-surface of him from his inside.

He was actually the most unpredictable man you've ever met after living with him for a few months. You thought man would always be man, even though you are also a man, but politely dirty. For Evan? He was two times worse.

There was a time you saw his stained underwear splattered all over the floor, his sweaty shirts, and his unwashed pants, just like teenage kids. No matter how hard you've tried to scold him or tell him those, he was free to care about your words. Laterally, water spilled on a duck's head.

Not long after, this is getting worse. You have known that Heeseung was a gamer addicted and would play in front of the computer screen for hours; however, instead of playing games, sometimes you hear a moaning, whimpering noise echoing through the ceiling from his room to the kitchen. And it's none other than his alone time, masturbate.

It's not like you were disgusting, yet it's just bad timing whenever he faps his meat. Your mom was face-timing you while you were cutting the vegetable for lunch, but the huffing sound was so loud that your mom got suspicious of you, and in return, you had to end the call in a sec. That's one of the memories you still left traumatized.

For now, you've made up your mind to have a conversation with the growth-ass man, Heeseung. Once you finished your work, you quickly dragged your feet to his room before knocking, in case you interrupted him again.

You enter the room, and while he was sitting back facing you, both of his hands were placed on the mouse and keyboard, as his ear was covered with a headphone, blocking all the noise.

"Hey EVAN!" You yelled, holding your waist as your blood boiled in response to the silent response.

"..." Unable to wait any longer, you take off his headphones suddenly before you unplug the computer. The moment you did that, you've now gotten all the attention from him.

"M/N, what's your problem? I'm in the middle of the  game." He fired out as he spoke, almost shouting at your unexpected move.

"We need to talk!" You reply back with the seriousness in your expression, which calms the nerves in the Heeseung vein in a blink of an eye.

"Talk about what?" Exhale the deep breath out as he lay on his palm on the table, still holding on to his non-care attitude.

"I need you to change your childish behavior, Evan! Not only did you pressure me, but the whole damn dorm started to smell like you." You spoke, and as a result, you got an eyebrow raise from him.

"I live here."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINTS—ok, let's say this, you're dirty!" You implied honesty; speak out what's on your mind. Straightforward to the point this time, as he was a little taken aback by your comment.

"You never wash your laundry, your clothes, especially your damn underwear? Are you even an adult at this point? I'm telling this because it's for your own  good." You scolding, all the bad things he had done that drove you nuts, but they're still in the basket. Heeseung seemed to be quite after these; his gaze didn't even focus on you, lingering on the shorts you were wearing, probably daydreaming about something you clearly couldn't imagine.

"HEY HEY! Are you even listening? At least be guilty for your action."

"I don't know, but that short look better be off; it's distracting."

"You pervert, STFU, what got into you, ugh?"

////

A week had passed, and Heeseung started to change because of your nagging all day. And it turned out pretty well. He then began to wash his clothes, do the housework, clean his room, and do many other things. It's brought a smile to your face to see him being a good friend or human for once, maybe.

Today at the weekend, since your groceries have been out ever since yesterday, you suggest Heeseung come with you for shopping, which he can't decline.

All he did was carry the groceries and nothing else, while you were having a hard time choosing the food that both of you needed and wanted to eat for a week.

Finally, you're done with the shopping. After you finish paying for the items, you feel like you want to go to the restroom.

You then told Heeseung about it; if it's happened, he'd be looking for you or waiting for you because of you. Nevertheless, he also wanted to go to the restroom, which made it awkward.

In the bathroom.

Making your way into the room, you couldn't wait to unleash your pee, which you've been urging to release into the urinal toilet. You believe that Heeseung will give you privacy; he will pee across from you, although the next thing you know, he is seen beside you.

"Oh, for god's sake, do you not feel ashamed or embarrassed? I'm peeing!!" You claim, almost irritated by his unpredictable action, did he want to show his dick or what?

"We're friends; there's nothing to hide anyway, even this!" Heeseung responded by stepping back a little so you can see his full aroused cock, spring-free from his underwear. And it was... Dripping—

"What in the actual hell?" You are speechless at what you encounter. Is that your friend's cock? In front of you? In a public space like this? No fucking way.

The size of his full, hard cock painted a messy red blush stain on your face. His balls were round and stretched with those little hairs. Meanwhile, his mid-size cock was uncut, and the ash pink head is pecking from the foreskins, and it's twitching from your point of view. Kinda smells (all men smell from their hormones).

Fail to make any word out of your mouth, you look around before looking at his face in disbelief. Why did he blush? His eyes were half-lidded. As if he were holding on to something.

"Are you out of your mind, Evan?" We're in public!! Not at  home." You quickly look away, pin both of your visions to the entrance, having an anxiety that someone could come in, misunderstood to this.

"M/n... Could you spare me a hand? I can't go out like  this." He covered his eyes; his tone was almost desperate because he couldn't take any longer to pleasuring.

"Why can't you?"

"I would, but I want your hand instead," he finally stated, thirsting for your touch because touching yourself is not enough. You need somebody's help; it's better.

I couldn't even leave any comments. Someone is coming in as you harshly push him into the bathroom stall, with you inside too. With the rush decision, now you're stuck with him, with his distracted cock, jiggling non-stop.

People come in to do their business in the bathroom. It's normal for people to pee and poop, isn't it? On the other hand, the heat started to drive Heeseung nuts since his cocks often rub on your clothes because of how close you are to him, fearing someone might see you two inside.

The idiot heeseung he is, and the pleasure he's holding in can't be left inactive. Heeseung is then making an unacceptable dare for you in a situation like this.

If you don't jerk him off, he will moan loudly in this tight stall. You were furious at his dare as you glared at him with your piercing eye that was about to fall out.

Though it's the only choice right now, to prevent him from doing the nasty shit that could lead to misunderstood.

Biting the lower lip, you hurry take out Heeseung's cock out of his underwear, fully free to get more access.

Without further ado, you began your ritual. Taking a hold of his testicles before you spit your Silva on them, you started giving him the hand job without any warning.

The most sensitive part of man was the tip. As an experienced person, you focus on around the tip of his so he would cum faster.

The speed of your hand makes Heeseung thrust out his hip while his hands are holding on to the walls. The pleasuring almost left gasps out of his throat. His toes are curling together at the sensation of your touch.

"Right there, m/n, give it... *huff* your all, Ngh." Fap fap, the wet sounds are also making you slightly horny. Sliding up and down nonstop, holding his cock just like your own, You then increase the speed and continue to jerk him until the end.

To the point where he bit his sleeve because of the overwhelming sensation he is experiencing right now.

"Too good, I'm cumming!! Holy fuck" as you masturbate till he feels the orgasm in his cock is building, at the same time with the magic hand of yours, making him squeak. Shooting out the sticky, wet cum, stained all over your palm.

"Er—sss, I feel numb. You're too good. M/N, I'm ascending." He said it with his shallow breath, still catching on to it as he laid his head against the wall behind, closing his eyes, drained out already.

"This is unbelievable, damn it." You stared at the orgasms, that dripping on your hand as you disgusted at them. But at least he doesn't have any crazy ideas this time. This was enough to traumatize you once again.

And that's your friend, Heeseung.

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🗣️ Please mind my English! ><

🗣️Crd to all pics&dividers

[snixkers]

Bailed Out

Pairing: Elle Greenaway × Fem!Reader

Fluff/Minor Angst

For: requst by @lez-talk1 and @imagining-in-the-margins Pride Challenge!!!

Content Warnings: Cursing, internalized homophobia/biphobia, canon level violence, no physical descriptors

Summary: Elle has a crush on you. Elle doesn't want to.

Author's Note: Gotta get my sapphic representation innnnn for Elle. Also, whoever requested this, I'm so sorry, it was lost in the comments. Enjoy!!!

Feedback is always welcome!

Requests are OPEN!

Elle Greenaway knew she was fucked.

She had been held hostage, shot, traumatized, and more in her years at the BAU. But by far, the worst thing was her crush on you.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your smile lit up a room, and your confidence made her feel better by association. But when she realized that the feelings were more than just a like, she began to realize some things about herself.

She had a crush on a girl. And she was a girl. Did that make her a lesbian? She wasn't big on labels, but it didn't make sense. She could flirt with men, find them attractive, be interested in them romantically. Could she do both?

Something about saying that she liked girls was scary. Not that she cared if other people did, but it was herself. She liked girls.

Maybe she was just jealous and dealing with issues after the Fisher King.

Easier to do that than actually mention anything to you.

Which worked well for a couple months, until those feelings started to get stronger. It was no longer that she liked a girl, she was in love with a girl. Which was a whole new can of worms she was not opening.

Every single time you two would get paired up on a case, she would stare longingly at you to the point where Hotch offered time off because he believed she was disassociating.

It was a stupid little crush, and it was getting out of hand. She had to do something about it sooner rather than later.

Elle, headstrong and unable to tackle her emotions properly, walked up to you after the majority of people had gone home and tapped on your back.

"Hey, can we talk?"

You spun around, and it nearly knocked her on her ass just how much you made her day better. All her previous ideas about asking you out or maybe accusing you of some type of witchcraft immediately dissipated.

"Um, do you need more coffee?"

You shook your head, putting in your headphones and turning back to your computer.

"All set."

"Yeah, no problem. Sorry for bothering you."

So Elle Greenaway, who had stared down killers and rapists, fled back to her desk with her tail between her legs.

The second time she tried to ask you out, it was during a movie that Garcia and Reid had dragged everyone along to. The seats were scattered for convenience, and some sick deity* had placed the two of you together.

*Garcia

She spent the entire movie nervously fidgeting, considering asking for another bathroom break before realizing you might think three meant she was having a medical episode.

So she sucked it up, basking in your sweet perfume and the high of sitting next to you. During the credits, you were both getting up when some sick deity** forced her to bump into you. You held onto her arms to steady yourself, and Elle did something incredibly stupid.

**not Garcia

She leaned forward and kissed you before promptly turning around and walking out of the theater.

The next week was tense and uncomfortable, but she made sure there wasn't any chance of another one-on-one.

She didn't try to ask you out a third time. After the movie theater disaster, why should she?

Clearly it wasn't meant to be. She had enough emotional baggage to fill the overhead bins of the BAU jet. It would be better to forget about the whole thing.

But you had different plans.

After a week of avoidance, you walked up to her desk with a purpose, and she immediately panicked. Before she could apologize profusely (since when did she apologize?), you had kissed her.

Oh.

"There, now we're even. But if you want to do me a favor, you could come get dinner with me tonight."

Oh.

"Um, sounds great. I'll just, uh, get my stuff."

Now she sounded like Reid. Dammit. She watched you walk away with a satisfied smile, sighing to herself.

Elle Greenaway liked girls. She liked you. She was getting used to it, but she could definitely get used to you.

[erisenyo]

"could you please come and get me?" I'm BEGGING🙏🙏🙏

For this prompt game! (And also this one!) (Andthis one too lol)

(Can be read as a follow-up to this)

“…and, like, everyone goes through phases!”

Hakoda hastily unfolds from his very undignified stretch at the muffled sound of Sokka’s voice, wincing at the protest of his sore back. Bato keeps saying he’s eventually going to value his posterior chain enough to stop taking red eyes no matter how cheap they are, and one day Hakoda is actually going to listen instead of making jokes about posteriors.

“—and sisters, you know? They never let go of anything no matter how old you all get, and they always take things too far—”

Hakoda glances again around the dim lit, tidy shop as if maybe the angle of the sunlight will have changed, vaguely pleased and surprised that Sokka is here so early as the faint jangle of the admittedly-huge keyring filters through the door.

It’s hours past when they usually open, of course, but judging by the timing of Sokka’s late-night-scarfing-down-dinner phone calls, he’s been working plenty past when they usually close.

“—not in a creepy way or anything, obviously. Just a joke. A bad one!”

Not that Hakoda was really worried. And he was right to now really worry! There’s nothing blown up, no scorch marks or tools missing because Sokka really needed a good shearing weapon for his robot-killing robot, no half-deconstructed engines and piling-up repairs because Sokka is sure he’s figured out a way to get more efficiency out of the whole system.

“—and that one is totally new, anyway. I had no idea it was even there! And so, um. High definition.”

Those this Audi sitting in the middle out of the shop, which is very out of place for Wolf Cove to begin with, let alone in Hakoda’s shop…

“And I mean, you know how sisters are!”

Hakoda does have some questions about that.

That Jesk kid better not be involved, or whatever his name was...

“Or—right?” Sokka’s voice is suddenly clear as he finally finds the right key to unlock the office door. “You—maybe? I mean—you—or—”

“Yeah,” a husky, raspy voice cuts in, faintly amused, and Hakoda pauses in surprise as he realizes Sokka isn’t on the phone. “I have a sister.”

Hakoda glances curiously through the office window as Sokka flicks the lights on, bright light illuminating the office and the break room and the car bays one by one, revealing his son—dressed for work, not starving, not injured, good—and the lean, black-on-black clad boy behind him, and Hakoda feels his eyebrow jump up in surprise.

Ah. He recognizes a pretentiously pre-worn designer leather jacket when he sees one. That would be where the car came from, then.

“And,” Sokka hurries on, darting nervously around the office as he wakes up the computer and sets down his coffee and Hakoda’s other eyebrow slides up to join the first. He can recognize Sokka’s cover-his-ass voice anywhere. “It’s not like I would recognize you out of context anyway without, you know. Or with, or—and so, like, it's not like I was being weird or anything, or like, trying to lock you in the basement or something, or—fuck.” Sokka scrubs his hands over his face before pasting on a bright, game smile and marching toward the car bays. “Yeah, I’m just going to stop talki—Dad!”  

“Sokka,” Hakoda greets him, giving the other boy—not a boy, Sokka hates being called a boy, he reminds himself—a curious look. “And…?”

“Oh,” the boy blinks, freezing a little. “Uh—”

“I didn’t realize you were coming back,” Sokka hops in, hurrying over. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to grab a few things from the house, see you and Katara a bit,” Hakoda assures him, reaching out to give Sokka’s shoulder a squeeze and offering a smile to the other boy as he trails Sokka after a moment across the shop floor. “Who’s this?”

“How’s Gran Gran?” Sokka asks as the boy hesitates, mouth half-open.

“She’s doing well, things are coming along,” Hakoda says, cocking his head to get a better look at the boy. He’s definitely familiar—not surprising, with those nearly-gold eyes and scar and the kind of cheekbones that Sokka loves to trip over—but Hakoda can’t quite place… “Are you one of Sokka’s college friends?” Shit, Hakoda should know those. He at least knows it isn’t…what was his name, Tamu? It’s definitely not him…

“Ah, no,” the boy says, shifting on his feet and flicking a quick look to Sokka. “Wh—"

“How long are you back for!” Sokka says over top of him, eyes wide with interest and that’s definitely his cover-his-ass voice again…

“Just a few days,” Hakoda says absently. Is it one of Sokka’s high school band buddies? They used to always be hanging around the basement and crowding into the kitchen. “I haven’t seen around town,” he says slowly, the sense that he knows this kid niggling at the edge of his thoughts.

“…No,” the kid agrees after a beat, equally slow.

“Yeah,” Sokka says quickly, voice coming out high. “He’s not from around here!”  

“This is your car?” Hakoda asks, because the kid might not look much like a trombone players but he does look like a speed demon.

“Uh, yeah,” the kid says, glancing at the sleek red lines where Sokka’s set the Audi out with pride of place dead center in the middle of the shop. “Sorry?”

“Sorry?” Hakoda blinks, momentarily distracted from the nagging familiarity of the kid.

“I broke down,” the kid shrugs, apologetic, and Hakoda can only give him a bemused look.

“It’s what we’re here for,” he says. And they’re certainly going to charge him for it, with a car like that—and Hakoda will be making sure he’s charged. He recognizes that look on Sokka’s face…

“Right!” Sokka says, overly bright. “Car repair!”

“A full-service operation,” the kid murmurs, cutting Sokka a sideways look.

“We strive to be,” Hakoda says proudly, giving Sokka his own curious look as his son chokes a little, blushing. Oh yeah. Hakoda is definitely making sure this kid gets charged.

“Car repairs!” Sokka says loudly, clearly powering through…whatever is going on. “We’ve had a lot of those! Want to—” he glances quickly around. “—the books! Want to see them? Or the—I can get you up to speed?” he suggests half-desperately. “On everything?”

Hakoda makes a vaguely affirming noise, listening with half an ear and mostly watching the kid who is in turn watching Sokka, looking faintly bemused by and more than a little curious about Sokka’s immediate, exhaustive, relieved, highly detailed account of the past month.

Maybe he’s a new teacher in one of Sokka’s art classes? He thought they were all old men by Sokka’s description, but this one seems like an artsy type. Though why he’d be here and not back in Republic City…

The kid gives Sokka another sidelong look through his lashes that really isn’t all that subtle to anyone other than Sokka, and ah, that could be a reason.

And he can tell Sokka likes his friend back from the fidgety, half-nervous, half-hyper way he’s shifting his weight and playing with his bracelets and rings and he better be fucking taking those off before work, Hakoda’s not trying to have anyone lose a damn body part inside an engine. At least the earrings are out…

Hakoda thinks, though, that he really would have heard of the kid if he’s following Sokka cross-country to keep him company. But then, maybe that’s why he has the persistent, nagging sense that he’s met or at least seen this kid befo—

“Oh!” Hakoda suddenly exclaims, snapping his fingers as realization hits. “I know you!”

“You—!” Sokka trips a little as the kid startles, giving Hakoda a half-surprised, half-cagey look. “You should really hear about theorderthatPakkutriedto—”

“You’re the boy from the poster over Sokka’s bed!” Hakoda says, triumphant and Sokka cuts off with a high, strangled noise, the kid opening his mouth and nothing coming out.

“The one where’s he’s all shirtless and oiled up?” Hakoda prompts when Sokka doesn’t say anything, pleased to have placed it. “Remember, you got that fancy photo editing program for it? So you could cut him out of the full shot and enlarge the size? And Bato took you to that special print shop in Whale Harbor to get it done out on the special poster paper?”

The kid slowly transfers his stare from Hakoda to Sokka, who is looking more and more like a deer trying to freeze to avoid the notice of an oncoming car.

“You know, for your eighteenth birthday?” Hakoda reminds him, concern fluttering in his chest when Sokka doesn’t immediately latch onto the topic like he always does. “Because you couldn’t find any magazines big enough to see from that far away?” He definitely isn't misremembering, he knows he isn't...right?

The kid slowly closes his mouth, eyebrow inching up higher and higher.

“And you’d filled up all your wall space, so you needed to move to other surfaces? And Katara said you weren’t allowed to put anything up in the shower?” No, he's definitely right. Hakoda had been quietly and intensely relieved by the shower edict enough to be sure.

“I,” Sokka finally says, mouth working, “I, uh.”

“Didn’t you recognize him?” Hakoda frowns, reaching out to feel Sokka’s forehead.

“Yeah, Sokka,” the kid—shit, Hakoda still doesn’t know his name though—says, pointed, “Didn’t you recognize me?”

“I…need to go now,” Sokka announces, suddenly fumbling in his pockets.

“What?” Hakoda blinks, confusion threading alongside his pleasure at finally placing the face.

“What?” the kid half-laughs, startled.

But Sokka just whips out his phone, already marching away, his face crimson and voice echoing off the high ceilings, “Katara? Yeah, I’m—yeah, I’m still in town. Yes, I know that you're on nights, I—yes, I—look, could you please come and get me?” A pause. “No, I—actually, yes. I need to go die now, please. Not here.��

Hakoda stares after Sokka as he finally shuts the office door behind him, bemused, scratching the back of his head and shifting his attention to the kid who looks like he doesn’t know whether to worry or laugh again.

“Well, I’m Hakoda,” he eventually offers, extending his hand and biting the bullet that it’s okay to not know this one’s name, they probably haven't actually met before, “I’m his father.”

“Zuko,” the kid says after a beat, accepting his handshake—strong grip, callouses, no eye contact but that’s okay considering he’s looking after Sokka. “I’m, uh. The guy from the ceiling?”

Hakoda huffs, half-amused and giving him another quick look—and then his hand a slightly harder squeeze. “Grown up a bit, have you?” A lot less oil, too. And a lot more clothes.

Same cheekbones, though.

“Uh—so has he? Since then?” Zuko hazards, glancing toward the office where Sokka is…screaming into a pillow, by the looks of it.

“One could say that," Hakoda says after a beat, thinking of Sokka’s last trip to Whale Harbor and the poster tube he’d come back with happily cradled in his arms. “But maybe not as much as you’d think.”

[generalkenobee]

A/N: ok so I know this probably won't get many likes or anything but I literally love Chase sm so I need to write this just for my well being because I've loved him since I was like ten, hope you enjoy 💖🩷

Warnings: sfw and nsfw headcannons, aged up!!!, FEM reader (kinda)

SFW headcannons

•hand holding is such a must with him

•he gives the best hugs, especially when he's in his black sweatpants and sleep sweater because everything is just so warm and gentle

•hes insanely touch starved

•Chase has never had a partner before you so you have to be patient with him, for example

-(Y/N), I don't know why you asked me for help with your homework, it was super easy

He would say laughing, not realizing that he hurt your feelings because you genuinely needed help

-(Y/N), I can't hold your hand right now I'm clearly working on this

Chase would say annoyed while still looking at the screen of his computer

•after a while and some help from you he's learned that a relationship takes time and consideration

•my man lovessss your stomach, no matter the size or if you have cellulite, stretch marks, he loves it so much

•loves to kiss you everywhere, especially because the whole touch starved thing. Chase is always placing a quick kiss to your cheek while he walks by you, first thing he does in the morning and before he goes to bed is kiss you

•physically can't sleep if you're not in the bed next to him

•nicknames he calls you

-sweetheart

-baby

-honey

•whenever he writes your name he always puts a little heart next to it

•usually falls asleep with his head resting on your chest with steady breathing

•loves to have you run your fingers through his hair while he falls asleep and scratch his scalp

•loves when you kiss all his moles and freckles, just basic beauty marks because it shows that you love every part of him

•he gets incredibly jealous of everyone. He's not used to people picking him and genuinely wanting to be with him over Adam for example

•always has mints, gum, or breath, spray on hand

•he takes extra precautions before seeing you (brushing his hair four times, showing twice, brushing his teeth over and over again, making sure hes wearing an outfit he'll know you'll like)

•soooo good with kids

NSFW headcannons

•lovessss when you pull his hair

•so loud, like soooo insanely loud. Moans, groans, and when he gets close whimpers

•he loves when you cockwarm him while he plays video games or when he's working on something

•eye contact while he trusts up into you, it's almost like his way of thanking you for being so vulnerable with him

•things chase says during sex

-s-shit..you feel so warm..s-so welcoming baby..

-this all for me?

-thank you thank you thank you..

-I love you so much...

-its so deep..I-I can feel all of you...

•chase tries not to ever cuss, he thinks there's smarter words to use..but when he's close it's like a whole new person

-f-fuck..fucking shit baby I'm oh my god I'm gonna, aungh..

•this one time you let spike fuck you and chase got upset because he didn't remember any of it, and he also felt jealous for some reason?

•sometimes when you walk by, you'll slap him on the ass through his jeans and he jumps up in fear every time

•lightly grazes his teeth over your neck during sex and you can feel his hot breath against your pulse..

•I feel like he really wants to cum on your face but is way to scared to ask

I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY ABOUT HIM SO IF YOU HAVE A REQUEST PLEASE SEND IT IN:)))

[dorabledewdroop]

Chapter 10

Yay, New chapter!

Also, I'm not sure how it's going because I had to quite literally force myself to write this chapter and post it.

Hope you have fun reading!

Chapter summary: Reader attends the party. Whole bunch of fluff (little angsty in the start but nothing too bad)

Chapter warnings: Talk about death, injuries, brief mention of wanting to fuck wandanat (who wouldn't want to though lets be honest)

Series Masterlist

x--x--x

Shortly after putting their respective marks on you, Wanda and Natasha went back to their separate rooms to get ready for the evening.

You decided to get some work done while you waited for them. You opened your Stark-issued laptop and began writing the report for your most recent mission. Thankfully, Natasha had shown you the format for writing them a couple of weeks ago.

You smiled when you remembered how excited you were that Natasha fucking Romanoff took the time to sit right next to you and explain how mission briefing work, the protocol for post-mission briefings, and how to write mission reports in detail.

You remember inwardly freaking out when Natasha kept on scooting closer to you until she was practically trying to fuse into you. Claiming it would be easier to show you on her computer rather than just tell you.

You remember how giddy you felt when Wanda decided to join in to help you understand, effectively squishing you between them. From the very beginning, you loved how their touch always calmed you down and how safe it made you feel, whether it was in the form of a hug or simply having your pinkies touch when you sat down next to one or both of them.

Shaking your head, you leaned forward and continued with your mission report. The memories of them flowed through you, how loud the alarms were, how it took you hours to rescue all the survivors and heal them as you carried them. How the ground was littered with more blood and dead bodies the closer you got to the heart of the facility.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear Natasha knock on your door. You definitely didn’t hear Natasha walk up behind you, leaning forward as she read your mission report from over your shoulder.

“YOU DIED?” Natasha asked incredulously.

If not for what she read, Natasha would have definitely burst out laughing at the scream you let out as you jumped out of your chair and fell on your ass.

Heart pounding, you stood up and turned to face Natasha, intending to scold her for scaring you like that. The words died in your throat as you took in what she was wearing.

Your insides tingled as you took in what your partner was wearing. Her curly red hair framed her face perfectly, stopping just as they touched her shoulder. Her bare collarbone looked oh so inviting. Your heart fluttered as you noticed that her earrings complimented your outfit.

You almost lost what little composure you had left when you took in her expression. Equal parts stunned and furious. Her gorgeous green eyes that had flecks of hazel seemed to pierce through you.

For the second time that day, Wanda burst into the room expecting a fight. This time, she seemed to be wielding lipstick as a weapon.

When your eyes flicked to Wanda, you were sure the two women were trying to kill you.

Her gorgeous dress seemed to match Natasha’s hair. Her fingers were littered with rings, and her necklace complimented your outfit. Her exposed thigh seemed to be calling out to you.

You were a total gay mess, and these two were not helping that one bit.

“What’s going on?” Wanda asked, a slight smirk playing on her lips since she definitely heard your thoughts.

Natasha doesn’t move but simply points at your computer.

Frowning, Wanda starts reading your report. Within moments, her eyes shift to you.

“Malyshka, what do you mean you died? I thought you couldn’t die?” Wanda asked, concerned.

“I.. um. It’s jus-.. I..”

“Just talk,” Nat ordered.

“It’s hard, okay?” You snapped. “The both of you look hot as fuck, and I’m having trouble thinking about anything other than fucking the shit out of both of you.”

That seemed to break the tension. Wanda snorted and started cackling. Natasha tried to hide her smirk but ultimately failed.

You sighed. “Look… I’m okay. It was an accident. I tried to heal someone, but they turned out to have died a while back, and I accidentally attempted to bring them back to life. The feedback killed me for a minute or two, but I came back. I always do. I’m okay. I promise”

Wanda had stopped laughing but still had a soft smile as she nodded slightly.

Natasha was not as convinced. You could still see the undertones of worry. She knew you were more than capable, but for some reason, she had trouble controlling herself when it came to the both of you.

You walk up to Natasha, take her hands, and gently put them on your face. You look directly into her alluring green eyes, promising your safety.

She finally lets out a small smile when she sees you nuzzle into her hand the moment she starts to caress your cheek with her thumb gently.

You decided to complete the report either later tonight or tomorrow morning. In the meantime, you were going to escort two stunning women to the party.

X–X

The party had started a while before the three of you arrived. Some would say you were fashionably late. Some… wouldn’t.

You spent the first twenty minutes with Tony interacting with what looked like different versions of the same old white man.

There were several moments when you upset whatever guest you were speaking to due to your lack of etiquette and inability to kiss ass. Tony seemed to find their baffled state hilarious, knowing your lack of experience attending formal events or even socialising.

You finally sat down opposite your girlfriends, already exhausted with the unnecessary bureaucracy. Wanda gave you a sympathetic smile and went back to her conversation with Clint and Natasha.

“My my, don’t you look stunning?” you heard a voice behind you.

You turn your head, grinning, seeing Pietro in an all-black suit. He flops down beside you, loosening his tie a little bit.

You felt relieved that you had someone to talk to. It was not that you didn’t want to talk to your girlfriends; they just seemed to be discussing something, and you didn’t want to interrupt.

“I hear congratulations are in order”, you heard Pietro say.

You looked at him, confused. He merely rolled his eyes.

“A little birdie told me that you happen to be in a relationship with a spy and a witch.”

You chuckled. “As if you didn’t already know.”

He merely grinned. “Oh, I knew. You three weren’t exactly quiet about it, remember?”

Your ears burned as you looked away, causing him to laugh out loud.

Pietro leaned in closer. “Although… I have to say, y/n, I think you and Natasha chose the wrong twin. I can assure you I’m much better.”

Your nose wrinkled in disgust. “You’re barking up the wrong tree, Maximoff. You’re not my type.”

“Besides,” you say softly, poking Pietro’s chest. “I wouldn’t trade what I have with Wanda for anyone or anything. She and Nat mean the world to me.”

Pietro leaned back into the sofa, a proud smirk on his face.

You frowned at him in confusion. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

The man merely shrugged, his smirk widening.

Deciding you didn’t want to bother with his antics, you looked elsewhere, only for your eyes to land on your two gorgeous girlfriends who were staring… At you.

Wanda was positively beaming at you while Natasha looked at you with a soft smile, eyes shining with affection.

You were utterly clueless, and more importantly, you were famished.

It seemed life decided to be kind to you at that moment because a person made his way to you holding a tray full of food.

“Would you like a vegetarian spring roll, ma’am?” He asked.

You thanked him and did your best not to look too eager when you took a spring roll. Your brows shot up in surprise when Wanda, Natasha, and Pietro took a piece each.

To the best of your knowledge, the spy and twins had an aversion to vegetables if meat was an option.

“They’re for you, Draga. We know you haven’t eaten since breakfast,” Wanda reassures you.

If not for the fact that you’re pretty sure you’re immortal, you probably would have died from all the love and affection these people were giving you.

True to their word, they gave you the spring rolls one after the other.

Four spring rolls later, you realised just how hungry you were.

You seemed to have gained some good karma as numerous members of the catering staff graced your group with yet another tray full of yummy food.

By the fourth person, you realised that all the food you received thus far had been vegetarian. Before they could leave, you spoke to the server.

“I couldn’t help but notice that all the food I’ve seen so far has been vegetarian. Are there no non-vegetarian options for today?” You asked, worried that your teammates won’t be able to enjoy tonight properly.

The server merely smiled and shook her head, “We have plenty of non-vegetarian options. Mr Stark had simply given us strict instructions to provide you with a wide variety of vegetarian hors d’oeuvres before anyone else.”

With that, the server took her leave and went to give other guests the remaining hors d’oeurves. You simply sat there in shock with a smile on your face.

Despite never having attended a party such as this one, you were enjoying yourself immensely. Other than the occasional greeting to strangers for political reasons, your teammates did their best to make sure you didn’t feel uncomfortable.

You were at the bar with Natasha, explaining how you can’t get drunk due to your healing when you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder.

By the glare Nat was giving the person behind you, you could only assume it was the very same person who had tossed you against the wall in the morning.

You squeezed Nat’s hand in reassurance and turned to him. Smiling at his awkward face.

“Hi there, Dr. Banner. You cleaned up nicely.” You said as you asked the bartender for a glass of water for the scientist.

He merely chuckled awkwardly, accepting the glass and downing it in one go.

“Rough night, eh?” You joked.

He smiled half-heartedly, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, presumably to gather courage for whatever he wanted to say.

“I’m sorry” he stated.

You merely looked at him, urging him to continue.

“I.. was scared. When I say you with Natasha, I.. um.. felt very protective. I thought you were forcing yourself on her. I let my anger get the best of me, which isn’t really much of an excuse, especially for me… I really am sorry,”

You simply patted his shoulder.

“You like her, don’t you?” You asked gently, standing a little closer to him.

His flinch told you everything you needed to know. He looked in the mirror behind the bar and saw Natasha talking to Wanda and Clint.

“I did.. or at least I thought I did. I’m starting to realise. I just admired her and appreciated how she didn’t treat me like a monster or a liability. I felt special, but I see the way she is with you and Wanda. The way she looked at you earlier. I just- I wanted that for myself.”

Your heart broke for him. You gently put your hand on his, his head snapping to you.

“I’m sorry you’re treated like that, Bruce,” you said genuinely.

“I know it doesn’t help, but I’d be more than happy to be your friend.”

He simply stared at you.

“If it’s any consolation, I’d love to be your friend... I mean, it’s not like you can kill me..” you joked.

You could see a slight smile forming at the corner of his mouth. It dropped a second later; he looked at you seriously.

“You may not die, but the- the hulk could genuinely hurt you,” he warned.

You let out a giggle at that, confusion clouding his face.

“I can assure you, Brucey, nothing the Hulk can do to me hasn’t already been done. Now, enough of this depressing talk; let’s go hang out with our teammates.”

He let you drag him to the lounging area where your teammates were sitting, his face baffled as he processed the new nickname.

The two of you joined the group, and you sat next to Pietro while your girlfriends sat opposite you. The glares your girlfriends gave Bruce caused him to shrink inwardly.

You patted his shoulder in understanding and began talking to him about FRIDAY.

A look of understanding passed your partners, and they chose to continue with their conversation, deciding to forgive Bruce just this once.

X—X—X—X—X

The rest of the party flowed smoothly until you could not handle it anymore and proceeded to say your goodbyes.

You heard Wanda mutter a “finally” as she got up and stated that she, too, was exhausted and would be heading back to the compound.

Nat wordlessly stood up and made her way to the main entrance.

You decided to ignore the whistles from Tony and Sam and walk to the main entrance, where your two girlfriends were waiting for you, intent on hiding your burning face from your teammates.

The three of you sat in the back in comfortable silence, allowing you to fall asleep.

Natasha let out a slight chuckle when she noticed your head on her shoulder.

She kissed the top of your head and went back to looking at her phone; news about the Avenger’s newest teammate was already spreading.

She glanced back at the sight of you and Wanda, where the latter was slowly nodding off.

Upon arriving back at the compound, the three of you wordlessly went into your separate rooms to get ready for bed.

Once ready, you peeked into Nat’s room only to find it empty.

You quietly opened Wanda’s room and saw both of them watching what seemed to be an old TV show.

You silently closed the door and went back to your room, deciding to give them space.

You watered all the plants in your room and headed to bed.

Not even a few minutes after you were in bed, your door opened, revealing a very grumpy witch and an exhausted spy.

Wanda flopped onto your bed, getting under the blanket and immediately snuggling with you.

“Got tired of waiting for you”, she grumbled, her eyes already closed.

You turned your head to Natasha, who seemed to be fluffing her pillow (seriously? THE black widow fluffs her pillows???) in preparation for sleep.

Nat merely shrugged at your questioning glance.

“We got tired of waiting for you to come to us, so we came to you.”

You grinned as she cuddled into you, the warmth from both of them making you feel safe and comfortable.

You closed your eyes as the three of you fell into a deep slumber.

Maybe you could get used to this..

x--x--x

A/N:

I'm really sorry for disappearing off of the face of the earth. I had my final thesis, and then a bunch of personal stuff came up.

Thankfully, I've had @bookwo-rmy to keep me sane.

Now that my little block is over, I'm going to try to write a little more, but I can't promise anything at the moment.

Thank you so much for understanding. Stay safe y'all.

ALMOST FORGOT TAGS tags: @marvelwomen-simp @nothanksbye07 @jono723 @luadyjcmd @alexawynters @falloutboy-lover

[freddie-77-ao3]

TRANS PEOPLE AT CAMP HALF BLOOD BC I'M IN A MOOD™️ RIGHT NOW

NON BINARY:

Connor Stoll (they/them). Connor got to camp at age four, where someone just assumed he was named connor, so they took up the name of a dead boy named connor and decided that yeah, he/him was alright. didn't know what trans meant at the time, they just sort of... anyway, then after the battle of the labyrinth they came out as NB.

wood nymphs. they've got a different gender system than demigods, as well as different pronouns, but to keep it simple for the campers your best bet is they/them.

the resident god Dionysus ofc. he has a complicated relationship with gender (see his chapter in PJ's Greek Gods) but basically, doesn't care what you call him. he/they generally.

MTF:

Drew Tanaka! she's just. always considered herself a girl. there was never any hesitation. her mom called her son and she just. did not compute. her mom was accepting and just sort of called aphrodite up and told her that actually she had given birth to a girl. Aphrodite sent down a new wardrobe in return. she never changed her name.

Clarisse la Rue. she came out when she was twelve. her mom didn't accept her, but clarisse had run away years before that so... her mother never apologized. when clarisse went to her house with chris, it was only because she was truly desperate. after the battle of manhattan clarisse called her once, and. never again.

Lou Ellen Blackstone. she told cecil and will when they were eleven or so (SOM) but didn't really come out to everyone else until one of the hunters pulled her aside in TTC to ask if she wanted to join bc the hunters are super good at finding girls apparently. lou ellen really regrets this but somehow cecil convinced her to make her legal name Louise-Eleanor (first) Wilmadeen (middle) Cecilia (middle) Blackstone. it-- she pretends it's just lou ellen. don't bring it up. Will thinks there was a murder involved and-- well neither of them are telling him otherwise, that's all i'm saying.

FTM: (oh boy here's where I projected a whole bunch)

PERCY MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON. alright folks you ready? so percy came out when he was twelve RIGHT before TLT picks up. struggling mother sally jackson immediately accepts him no questions asked (well there are a few questions but) she gets him onto puberty blockers from a free clinic on forth street right away and changes his name legally. financially they're still struggling, obviously, but sally is picking up some extra shifts. she's already planning on having percy go on T when he turns 16 (if he lives that long--) and after manhattan poseidon and sally sit him down and are like: okay so technically because of ancient laws poseidon can't just snap his fingers but uh if you want a real easy top surgery just do a really easy quest for him and he'll magic your tits away and percy agrees of course so poseidon drops a sand dollar on the ground and in the. most. indifferent voice possible he goes "oh no. my sand dollar. i need a hero." and percy picks it up-- and done. that's when he decides to join the swim team because he doesn't need to bind anymore. also when he heard the prophecy percy immediately went, well i know it says im going to die but hey the universe recognises me as a dude that's pretty cool right. very affirming for him.

NEXT UP we've got michael. height dysphoria kicks ass so seriously don't mention how short he is. anyway michael thought that it was spelt micheal so he chose it for the pun and to feel connected to his dad. uh. don't bring that up to him either. anyway despite being very short, michael's usually pretty stealth. he came out in ttc when he asks jake mason out bc luke used to date his brother lee and michael basically goes "hey do you want to go out i promise i'll be a good boyfriend and not leave you like luke left lee." and jake just bluescreens for a moment because wait, BOYfriend, and anyway after that michael realises he never told anyone. (not necessary to the post but jake said yes) oh, also, his middle name is john. why? who knows. it wasn't significant or anything, clarisse just turned to him one day and said, "you know, you look like a john." so yeah, Michael John Yew. also he liked archery bc it was a lot easier to bind in so.

following that you'll find that actually the three main pjo apollo boys are trans. so WILLIAM ANDREW SOLACE. my baby boy is-- well he's got a lot going on. Will binds (but when he turns 16 he's going to get top surgery and he is. very excited) and don't let his mild mannered doctor self fool you he is a HYPOCRITE when it comes to binding, like that bitch will nag you for hours if you bind for over 8 hours and then you'll see him come off a 48 hour infirmary shift still binding. when he was young and his mother was touring, she left him with his grandparents. He tried to come out at five and cut all of his hair off, but his grandparents kicked him out. Clarisse found him in Texas and brought him to camp. which isn't SATS compliant but I haven't read it yet so *shrug*. Anyway Andrew is after Apollo, when Apollo first met Naomi, he called himself Andrew.

Lee Fletcher is also trans. He was fully transitioned by the time he died. He was super upper class when he came out and his mum stopped speaking to him, but he kept his wealth and became a staunch advocate for trans rights until he died. Anyway he came out when he was seventeen.

Cecil Markowitz. His parents died in a fire when he was 8, he was sent to his grandmother, she kicked him out when he was 9 and came out. 

Clovis

Mitchell

Leo Valdez (part of why Rosa called him a demon)

Malcolm Pace (his trans identity deserves a whole 'nother post it's.) anyway Malcolm can't bind so.

Ellis Wakefield (currently writing a fic about this actually) anyway Ellis comes out when he's 13 (so BoM) at camp, and comes out when he's 15 to his mum. it doesn't go great.

[packetpixie]

pro tip for programmers - how to alias

hey, so you know that annoying thing that happens when you're coding, and you need to run/test the same program 100 times in a row, so you end up typing "python3 testScriptWithASuperLongName.py" into the terminal about 80,000 times?

well, there's a better way! it's called aliasing :D

in your bash shell (or zsh, or whatever shell you use, but bash is the default on VSCode and most people on tumblr use VSCode, so I'm using bash as the default to explain this concept) you can set an alias, essentially a shortcut command, that runs longer commands.

(yes you can just use the up arrow key to re-run the same command, but sometimes you're typing other things into the terminal too and you don't feel like hitting the up arrow key four times in a row, and also this is just a cool and useful tip to get comfortable with aliasing so shhhh)

so, in your terminal shell, just type this:

alias run="python3 testScriptWithASuperLongName.py"

now, you can run that entire super long command, just by typing the word "run" into your terminal. Here's a screenshot of an example on my computer to make it make more sense:

in this example, i just created a simple python file that contains one line of code: print("it works!")

then, as you can see, by setting the alias to run, i can now run that file, runningatestscript.py, simply with the command 'run'.

the best part is, this alias is temporary - it only lasts as long as your shell session is open. so once you close the terminal, the run alias is cleared and you can set it again next time to any file or task you're currently working on, to save yourself a lot of typing, typos, and time.

so if you want to, you can get in the habit of always setting a run alias in the VSCode terminal for whichever file you're working with as soon as you get everything open. that way, when you need to run the same file 50 million times, you have a super easy way of doing it! you can even set it to a single letter if you want to go for maximum speed, but i prefer to use whole short words, because they're easy for me to remember.

note: if you do want to set an alias to work for all sessions, you can simply add it to your ./bashrc file. this is a common way to automate repeatable tasks, and simply to set easier-to-remember commands for terminal commands that are really complicated/confusing/hard to remember.

for example, i saved the alias checkboot="[ -d /sys/firmware/efi ] && echo 'UEFI mode' || 'BIOS mode'" into my zshrc file (zsh equivalent of bashrc file). this way, no matter how many times i rebooted my machine, i would always be able to quickly check which boot mode was running by simply typing 'checkboot'.

yesterday i was updating my boot mode from BIOS to UEFI on my very old machine that is technically compatible with UEFI, but not configured for it by default. So it was extremely helpful and saved me the time and headache of having to remember and type that long-ass command a thousand times in between many different reboots and new shells.

if you have any tasks like that, or terminal commands that you know would be useful to you, but you can never remember them when you need them, i highly recommend getting comfortable with aliasing! it can be super useful to simply set custom aliases for all the commands you don't want to remember, so that you can automate things away and not have to worry about so much linux syntax all the time when you're tring to focus on programming.

i know this may seem like a simple tip to some, but i only learned about it recently and it's been extremely helpful to integrate into my workflow and customize my OS with! so i thought it might be worthwhile to some people if i share :) hope it helps!

[jeyramarie]

Buzzcut- Florence Pugh x Reader

summary: You're still trying to get used to the buzzcut..

warnings: cursing, fluff, slight smut?

a/n: still not over this, i- i thought fans were delusional but they were right.. i- i mean i love it.. i love it😭 i love her forever and ever, she slays everything 🫶

ik i have disappeared, i’ve had a bit of a writing funk but hopefully this tiny fic gives me inspo to finish the rest of my work! i love y’all 🫶 happy reading 🦋

It was the night before the MET Gala. The night Flo and I were going to make our debut. The first time our relationship would see the public eye. My anxiety was raging, I was just nervous about people’s thoughts of us. People’s thoughts on my dress or my hair or just us together.

But Florence always seemed to calm me down. There was something about her that just by being next to her, my breathing calmed, and my chest would stop hurting. She just has that power over me. It was also Flo’s buzzcut debut, which was very, very interesting.

I was waiting for Flo at the hotel room as she finished her fitting for tomorrow. My gown was tailored to perfect in the morning before I had to lock myself in the room to answer many, many work emails. The door clicked opened and without turning around, I already knew it was her.

"Hey, baby, how was the fitting?" I asked before biting into my pen as I checked my grammar for the fourth time.

"It went very well." She replied, making her way towards me before she placed her hands on my shoulder. "I thought you were going to be away from the computer once I got back."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." I whined, throwing my head back to see a pair of beautiful green eyes. "One of my doctor's sent me a very lengthy email about my nurses and I got pissed."

"What did he say?"

"Oh, just some complete bullshit." I groaned, sitting back up as Florence walked around to sit on my lap. "Saying that the things they suggest is wrong and that they shouldn't be involved in any of the things he does... it's just bullshit, truly."

"He does not seem to consider that you are a nurse as well and you're the hospital director."

"He's always been an asshole, honestly." I chuckled, rubbing my hand on her thigh as I stared up at her.

She has been rocking the shaved head for a few weeks and it has been interesting to see her explore it. I always support her in everything she does but this was one thing I was neutral about at first. I didn't really know how to react when she walked into the bedroom one night with a hairless head.

"You think people will like it?" Flo whispered.

"They will, I assure you." I nodded.

"I mean this is a whole new hair transformation, you know?" She said, rubbing her head. "The pixie cut for A Good Person was one thing but this is different."

"Well, as long as you like it, it doesn't matter what other people think." I reply, lifting her hand to peck her knuckles.

"What do you think?" She whispered, playing with my necklace.

"I love it." I said, instantly. "I do miss the hair though... I don't have anything to pull on now."

"Oh my god." Florence laughed, burying her head into my neck. "You're so cheeky."

"You loved it." I muttered and smirked, looking at her lips and back at her eyes.

"Well, you don't have anything to pull on, but you can still slap my ass..." She whispered and bit her lip as I felt my core tingling.

"Thankfully I love doing that too." I replied and she chuckled as I placed my hand at the back of her head, pulling her to me to connect our lips.

Florence moved her legs to straddle my lap as my hands traveled down her back to her ass, giving it a hard squeeze causing her to whimper into the kiss. I moved forward and stood up, moving my hands under her thighs as I quickly turned to the bed, letting her fall.

I step away, pulling my shirt off before unbuttoning Florence’s jeans to pull them down. Our lips connected once again, our tongues fighting for dominance as the both of us yearned to be in control.

People would think that the lack of hair in your female partner would be a problem but to me it wasn’t. Florence with a buzzcut definitely made me melt. Every. Single. Time.

[canmom]

Animation Night 184: Mars Express

Animation Night is baaaaaack from Annecy break!

And yeah, the last couple weeks of this blog have been pretty Annecy focused here on the canmom entertainment sphere. And tonight that will continue! For tonight we shall right a wrong! And that wrong is...

...that wrong is that I didn't get to see Mars Express at Annecy last year. @mendely did and I was super jelly, OK!

For real though, this was among the hottest tickets at Annecy last year, and despite queuing a bunch of hours, I didn't stand a chance to get in without a reservation. But what is it? Well, it's a scifi movie directed by Jérémie Périn. Who's Jérémie Périn?

Well, the true veterans may recall Animation Night 1, when I showed you a certain music video for a song called Fantasy by DyE...

...that's not gonna embed, is it? But if you know, you know. (If you don't know, it's the one where the teens break into the swimming pool to make out and such and then a bunch of them turn into tentacle monsters.)

So Jérémie Périn is the guy who directed that! He's also well known for directing Lastman, a crowdfunded action series in which a boxer battles a bunch of superpowered agents to try to protect a psychic girl, not that you'd gather any of that from this trailer...

and writing for Crisis Jung by Bobbypills - don't blink or you might miss the boob-growing henshin and the guy with a chainsaw dick...

And while Crisis Jung isn't primarily his project, we can still definitely trust that when Périn is at the wheel, we'll seem some incredibly stylish, anime-inflected drama and also some proper freaky imagery now and again.

Mars Express, however, is Périn's first foray into film rather than TV animation, building on the big success of Lastman - and a pretty high-effort foray at that, taking some five years to make. And by all accounts it kicks total ass.

But what's it about? Classic cyberpunk noir material: a detective and the android replica of her partner return to their home planet Mars after apprehending a robot hacker. But the hacker is released, and they're given a new mission - to work with this hacker and go down to a colony where, ostensibly, humans and androids live in harmony, and track down a guy who jailbreaks the androids from their artificial constraints. That sounds pretty shady already, right? But the dirty secrets are only beginning.

Mars Express definitely pays its homages to those classic 90s anime films and OVAs like Ghost in the Shell and Armitage III, as well as games like Another World for the Amiga, but by all accounts gives it a fresh approach, with grounded characters - protagonist Aline struggling with alcoholism, her reconstructed partner Carlos with his floating holographic head carrying the whole identity issue of being a robot clone who's been rejected by his original's wife - which anchors plenty of juicy scifi concepts like renting out your brain as a computer, or something called 'resonance' which is how robots do it. What does that mean? The review I'm reading left it at that! Guess we'll find out.

Like most European productions it brought together a long list of production companies and it's a little tricky to figure out which ones are actual animation houses, but the main company seems to be 'Everybody on Deck'. They previously worked with Périn on Lastman, but otherwise largely seem to have worked on live action films. However, the animation was split among a variety of studios.

We can at least say that it brought in French animators from across the shop, some even on this very website. (At least I seem to recall seeing people having posted about having worked on it, though if I search now I mostly find peoples' reviews of the film). It's animation leans realist, with naturalistic motion taking advantage of anime-style 3s and 2s to give it a weighty feeling, embedding its characters in detailed environments with strong colour design...

And if we want to know more than that, we're in luck, since there's a pretty substantial 16-part making-of series partly available on Catsuka's youtube, starting with episode 1 showing the development of the script, with Périn and co-writer Laurent Sarfati bouncing ideas off each other. Only two other episodes are available: episode 11 shows some of the voice recording, and episode 16, which talks about the actual animation, interviewing various animators and showing some shot breakdowns. The last of these is probably the most interesting (to animators), talking about how the film went about realising Périn's 'precise, clinical' realist style.

The team were evidently very conscious of this being, for France, a first of its kind - a French-animated thriller targeting adults, with big ambitions to become a landmark film in French animation, able to stand up against the best anime. I'm not sure it's actually the first - for example, Summit of the Gods is also a tense, French-animated thriller with a realist art style! - but it's definitely a genre where there are very few examples to compare, and the team's ambition comes across as absolutely genuine.

That's probably enough to go on! We'll definitely also check out some of Périn's other work tonight, but Mars Express is our main feature! Starting in about an hour and a half at 8pm UK time, at our usual place, twitch.tv/canmom! Hope to see you there!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 9 thoughts

whew! i had a busy day so it's nice to unwind with some scully and mulder time. although by the end of the episode i didn't feel very unwound tbh. it was still time spent with the babygirls, so i can't complain.

so we start with some volcano research. my only note here was "i know a geologist" which is true! shoutout to my one professor. you were chill but i hated that class.

there's a dead guy in the volcano which tbh doesn't seem too surprising... i mean volcanoes are very deadly. but it seems to be one of the dudes involved with the project so that's weird because why would he go down there?

there's this stream going on of the inside volcano and something is disrupting it... hate to see a streamer interrupted :(

then we had the title sequence but for some reason i was wondering, do you think if they got married they'd hyphenate their names... scully-mulder... mulder-scully... does it roll off the tongue? hmm...

so firewalker (the title of our episode) is a robot that goes into the volcano. noted.

here i wrote "holy fuck scully is beautiful". all she was doing was standing there but man.

the scientist who has come to them requesting help is like, this lead scientist named trepkos started this project, and scully says "i always heard he was brilliant", which raises the question: why is scully keeping up with volcano science? nerd

at this point the visiting scientist was explaining how he and trepkos had a professional breakup kinda thing and i'm very sorry for them but i genuinely could not take my eyes off of scully. hope they work it out or whatever. i have bigger priorities.

she wants to get out there and investigate but mulder says "i don't think it's a good idea for you to go" AUGHHH. i am wailing and tearing my shirt. she says that she's fine!!! really!!!

and he has this look on his face that says "i cannot tell this woman what to do, even after she just woke up from a coma, and i never will be able to" and he's very right in that regard

HELICOPTER TIME! mulder is such a gentleman helping her climb out

she has very messy hair at this point and the scientist seems a lot more concerned about his equipment than the fate of the people trapped inside the compound and she seems so thrown off by this

next we have some BIG ASS FLASHLIGHTS!!!! WOOHOO

at this point i made a note that i think i might have been going feral because mulder also looked SO good prowling around that creepy base. and i don't take back my observation but i will psychoanalyze it a bit later. reluctantly.

a creepy dude is hanging around the corner. OH SHOOT he tries to bash mulder's head in and he is MAD "do you always greet people this way?" LMAOOO he took it personally

the other scientists in the base seem to regard the missing trepkos as a threat... hmm...

i really like this jesse character, who is a student and is here to do some research with her advisor

mulder asks for the data on the research trepkos has been doing and she says he destroyed his field journals and computer discs. ahh, computer discs. my old friends. i used to have some games on discs when i was a kid. positive memories.

mulder sees scribbled in some of the notes trepkos didn't destroy that he had written about a "new life form" which honestly kinda happens a lot. like people are always discovering new life forms but the gag is they're beetles. everyday we find new species of beetle. they just won't stop coming. so i'm thinking, well they wanted this to be all dramatic, but statistically it's probably just a volcano beetle this guy found.

mulder and scully have an exchange and again i'm distracted by her freckles but she says he's being paranoid and i'm like. yeah that's kinda his whole deal. mulder being paranoid is like a fork spotted in the kitchen.

so the other scientist who was checking on his equipment was, at this point, killed by trepkos. with a rope. and we get the great closed captions "(neck cracks) (body thuds on ground)" which were very descriptive of the whole process

mulder and scully are having a science based argument on the probability of a silicon-based life form and it was really funny to me because it was a nerd off. and frankly i wouldn't go into a science debate with a doctor but mulder is going full steam ahead. it's getting heated and i'm like damn does this ever lead to them kissing because i can see it happening. anyway she's like no trepkos did not discover a silicon-based life form (spoiler alert: he did)

he's looking around like damn. i'm glad she's back but she's such a pain in my ass <3

scully goes to talk to jesse by knocking on her door and asking to chat and then not waiting for an answer and coming in because that is my girl!!!

jesse says trepkos stopped taking his pills that treat his bipolar disorder and he started being weird, saying they polluted his mind and that she was "polluting his body" which has... implications i prefer not to think about?

(why must we make erotic the bond between a student and their thesis advisor? there is no stronger connection! but. not in this way, tv writers, not in this way. i mean Maybe it wasn't meant that way but it seemed like it was)

mulder is streaming the descent into madness of trepkos because he recorded his ramblings which is probably what my friends on my private story think each time i post. but he's going on about finding a silicon-based life form.

this whole time one of the scientists has been very noticeably coughing and losing his voice and i knew it was gonna go somewhere but all of a sudden he collapses. and mulder yells for scully who is undergoing her shift to Doctor Mode. but we see his neck... pulsate? is that the best word to describe it? augh i don't want to even think about it so we'll leave it there

(jesse was also looking super suspicious but i liked her...)

anyway they put the sick guy on a stretcher and he's down and out until he isn't, and now he's making a RUN for it. he runs and runs and falls in a ditch until a THING takes over his body and explodes. i thought it was a worm at first and it was sososo gross i started sweating. i do not like body horror. the things i endure for these two.

so scully's doing some testing and she's like, yeah this is a silicon-based fungus. and poor jesse is having a nervous breakdown because she has been in this base for 8 months and she just wants to go HOME but now they have to quarantine and i felt so bad for her.

then i remembered the line about her "polluting his body" and things were adding up... and they were NOT looking good for her... no... i cannot do this...

scully's really worried about jesse which is justified because this poor girl is freaking out. but mulder is really worried about scully! he wants to go look for trepkos and he's making excuses why she shouldn't come and finally settles on the need to autopsy the body which he seems to both genuinely believe and also say to keep her back at the base

she knows he's being protective so she says "i'm here and i'm not going anywhere" which is sweet but girl you were in a coma. they had your gravestone made. you are lucky he has not put you in bubblewrap entirely. you can't blame the man for needing you to be safe!!!!

he says he's counting on her and grabs her shoulder with some heavily lingering eye contact that, when i see in gif form, i will surely slam the reblog button upon because. good lord.

jesse is talking to the other guy and he says something like "do what we said" and i'm thinking oh man, they're gonna try to get mulder (spoiler alert: they did not quite do that)

the guy is like "you need a guide to go get trepkos" and i'm even MORE suspicious but his reasoning kind of does make sense- it is a volcano maze, after all- still, when mulder goes with him i was tense

BUT THEN he immediately gets shot with a FLARE GUN? which i did NOT see coming. and trepkos emerges from the back of the volcano caves all burned and wild-looking.

he's covering the newly dead body with gasoline and mulder's asking why he's trying to kill him twice when we see the parasite wriggle in his neck (GAG) so then he shoots him with ANOTHER flare to burn up the evil creature. and he's explaining how if you're exposed to the parasite's spores you're gonna be sick...

and scully is back at the base with jesse... who was exposed... so she's not going to be safe...

and we see jesse in her room gagging and convulsing... oh man... it's not looking good....

trepkos is not letting mulder leave, but mulder does not give a fuck LMAO he says "you're gonna have to shoot me then" and goes to walk out... this man was really thinking "they are NOT gonna take scully from me again" and i know that is exactly right!!!!!

NOOOO the lights go off in the compound........... NOOOOO JESSE ATTACK.....

she's handcuffing her and scully together!!!!!! but scully was smart enough to get her behind a door really fast before jesse collapses and the fungus explodes...... but the handcuffs... was the door open a crack?? was it enough to get her infected???!?!?

mulder BURSTS in to see her handcuffed and she keeps repeating "i'm okay, i'm okay" but he must be so shocked because he asks "you alright?" and gently cups her face and at this point i wanted to do some powerful screaming to let out the things i was feeling

we see trepkos come in and look at jesse's body and he says that he told her how this experience would change her life... and i'm getting callbacks to when mulder told scully it would be a nice trip to the forest, but then the whole evil bugs thing happened in s1 ep20... and i am filled with a deep sadness...

so the duo has been sentenced to a month long quarantine, which i'm sure had to absolutely drive them wild. but i think my mutual wrote a fic on this subject so i just simply have no choice but to go read it now! and i assume that, since there are more seasons, the spores did not actually infect them

(and mulder, who was earlier suggesting time off for scully, must be some mix of terrified that any day now the symptoms will start showing and the end will be near, deeply satisfied that she has been forced into getting rest and healing like he wished, and regretting his words that she should take a break, because here she is taking a break. with him. and they're driving each other crazy)

we see trepkos hiking back into the volcano maze with jesse's body and it was actually really sad :(

overall a good episode, another one in the vein of s1 eps 8 and 20 where there is some sort of contagion and we must figure out from where it started and to whom it has gone... but the formula in these episodes keeps me on the edge of my seat and allows for a convergence of doctor scully and protective mulder, two things i am deeply invested in seeing. and seeing mulder try and keep her away from the case after her whole incident made me emo as hell!!!! he is never going to let her out of his sight again unless he has to go keep her safe by finding the wild man in the volcano!!!!!! and even that backfired!!!! ugh my heart!!!!! i love them so deeply!!!

rip my girl jesse i thought u were rad in the brief time we knew each other

[atiny-for-life]

Golden Hour feels different and I think I know why...

This album feels a lot less cohesive than all others they've ever released. I'm by no means saying it's bad or you shouldn't enjoy it or support the comeback, but it's still something noteworthy.

They said they were really happy making this album, which is amazing and I'm glad they've been enjoying all the new opportunities they've been getting, but when I listen to most of these songs, I feel like we' we've been given a folder from the producer's computer with all the leftover/unfinished tracks, and I think I may know why that is.

First, I wanna say what I mean by the album being less cohesive: Ateez are big on concept albums. The songs tell a story, they're connected, both conceptiually and lyrically, even as we switch genres. Look to the Fever and World Series where you can track the themes even without knowing about their storyline.

Ateez are also famous for their cinematic songs - Inception, Answer, Guerrilla, Halazia - the instrumentals are layered, interwoven, it feels like you're on a journey as you listen to it. You start in one place and don't know where you're headed until you get there. They're full of unique instruments, random noises, hidden harmonies from Maddox and the vocal line. It's art.

And now move on to Blind, Work, Shaboom, and it's one beat in the back that switches up as we move along but there's nothing new to notice on repeat listens, nothing remarkable to pick out. Wooyoung summed it up as "easy listening" in their KStar Next Door interview. Lyrically, Work is also a lot more repetitive which is something Ateez historically stayed clear of because Mingi and Hongjoong especially are very invested in the writing process and want the songs to have meaning.

Proving my point, they mentioned during the Preview Live that Mingi and Hongjoong worked more on Empty Box and Siren, with Siren even being a contender for the title track and Empty Box being their collective favorite and, hey, look at that, those two are the only songs on the album which are a lot more complex on all fronts, a lot more similar to their usual approach to music.

Looking at the bigger picture, I absolutely don't think it was laziness which led to the slight drop in quality. I think KQ just has a pre-planned release schedule where everything is organized so they can squeeze in comeback promotions between tour schedules and, this time, they had to find a way to squeeze in Coachella, which is an opportunity you simply cannot turn down and they made a judgment call and decided to take preparation time away from the album.

Regardless of how Ateez felt about this, they worked their asses off, and while they're already in the US, they attend interviews, take extra classes, film the music video etc. and thus, weeks of album preparations are now spent on Coachella-related schedules. As a result, there ultimately just wasn't enough time to hole up in the studio as much as they normally would've which, as a performer, must be a whole lot more fun, but isn't so great when you're just a listener.

The Edenary team is still responsible for most of the songs, of course, but they're now also working for Xikers which is likely possible because Hongjoong now has years of experience under his belt and can compose full songs or add finishing touches himself whenever needed while also working on Xikers' music on occasion - we've seen him credited multiple times.

On top of that, they also used a live band at Coachella, meaning their songs had to be translated to acoustic which was most likely fully Edenary's doing and also took them away from preparing for this comeback.

These days, their albums aren't as pre-prepared anymore as they used to be a couple of years ago when we still got song teasers at the end of tracks several comebacks in advance. They've caught up by now, as we've been able to see in behind the scenes footage of Hongjoong in the studio and from his interview with Changkyun from Monsta X (I.M on the Beat) where he largely talked about working on The World - Ep Fin. which was clearly still fresh in his mind.

Normally, this wouldn't be a downside at all, but it does make scheduling conflicts like this something to be cautious about, especially looking back to how exhausted they (and most other K-pop artists) always are between December and February every single year when all the award shows come together.

Whether I'm right or not, I don't know and can't prove, but I think it makes a lotta sense and would explain some things. Either way, watching them perform Work is still fun and it's lovely to see them so happy and thriving, but I do think there'll be a noticable difference when the next album drops without any surprise schedules throwing things off course.

[polarcoconut]

How I've maintained good grades my whole life: The perfect school mindsetmindset

Tips to succeeding in school

I've always had good grades. Even if I fail a test. Even if I fail an exam, I've always had a good grade in the class. And that's from deep subconscious work.

Personal history: I've always been considered smart and good at school. I never heard differently. My teacher said once "If Haylie doesn't understand, no one understands." I've also always genuinely loved school. I liked being good. My teacher once said "I wish I had a classroom full of Haylie's." All this from a very young age helped me succeed for a long time. Until I had a serious mental health issue and basically lost myself. I had to find out what used to make me succeed at school. Cuz I'm telling y'all right now it wasn't effort. My main focus in class was my friends and crushes lmao. But I had a mindset from a young age that helped me. And I re-learned that mindset and now school feels the same for me. An easy asset that flows into life naturally.

How I did this

<3 BEING CLOSE WITH MY TEACHERS

teachers are humans. Respect them. Communicate with them. Show interest in their lives. Look at them while they teach. Ask questions. Value their insight. Be honest with them. All while still maintaining professionalism. They can be your references and even help you gain opportunities.

one time I talked my way out of taking a whole ass economics exam. got an automatic a on it for being nice to her throughout the course.

&lt;3 Valuing school

School definitely has its bad sides. But its a gift in many ways. Find how it brings value to your life. It can be an escape from your home life. It can be your way of moving up in the world.

<3 Finding the fun

I love school work! It's so fun!! Find the satisfaction. I love learning new things.

<3 Doing what I can

Only take on what you can actually do. (In american college that would mean, only taking as many classes as you can handle) It doesn't matter how long it takes you to do something. It's better to actually understand a class then rush through it. I have huge obligations to my family and work so I'm compassionate with myself on my school work load. Life is a lot so don't feel bad if you can't do everything you thought you could.

&lt;3 Getting help

This is actually something I struggle with but it's important. I know how dumb it feels but accept that you need help. For me, this is math and computer classes. I plan on hiring a tutor and everything. I want to do the best I possibly can. Learn your weaknesses and try to strengthen them.

<3 Rewarding myself

Be proud of yourself. Every achievement deserves a treat.

<3 Getting involved in what the school has to offer

School is a whole experience. Find something that interests you. Don't be a afraid to try something new. Make school a happy place for you.

stay tuned for a school affirmations post

[skzeuphoria-blog]

Okay okay okay so what about like pussy drunk Jisung who absolutely w r e c k s you when you’re too incoherent to do anything, or he’s the first person to ever finger/eat you out and it’s in his studio (the fingering/eating you out) bc you’re just the tiniest bit needy and too tempting for him to focus on his work. Or the most dominant lee know with a pain kink that becomes a problem bc like a paper cut is bad news and the two of you try to keep it a secret from the members as to why you go missing for a bit after he stubs his toe or hits his hand on smt, until he ends up somehow cutting his hand while chopping vegetables (which isn’t supposed to happen bc it’s Minho), and it’s a HUGE problem bc he gets so incredibly horny that you’ve barely pulled out the Bandai’s before he’s fingering the hell out of you and the members find out bc they hear y’all banging I’m sorry this is so long😭

omg first of all tysm for requesting this!! you're legit the first person to do so and im so sorry if i'm late to answering this. i deleted the app and i had stuff going on and completely forgot to check tumblr... also fair warning this is my second time EVER writing something like this so i have ZERO experience but keep the ideas coming tyty!! this is very rushed because I wanted to get something out to you and i had no idea in what style to write so i just put something together quickly and you can always request something else anyway....

I absolutely love the idea of going over to Jisung's apartment to "study" (you had a wet dream the night before and was kind of needy) and to get some "help" (you want to get touched sexually) by Jisung.

You'd open up your textbooks and computer but within 10 minutes you were already staring at Jisung, imagining your dirty fantasies that you didn't even know you had before.

You weren't a prude but you've never had the opportunity to act out any fantasies even small ones due to a lack of boyfriends.

You noticed your cheeks burning up and looked away quickly trying to open another textbook but as you were doing that you knocked a glass full of water over, causing it to spill all over the floor. You'd gasped and say, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! It was an accident I swear" Jisung would laugh in response saying that it was okay and he knew you were clumsy. You'd hurry to the kitchen to get paper towels and run back. As you would bend over, wiping the floor dry Jisung could catch a glimpse of your ass (and the wet spot that was starting to form).

He'd soon, too, would start to imagine you bending over and him fucking you raw, telling you to focus on your task but the feeling of Jisung being in you raw would be too much and you'd start telling me to go faster and harder.

Jisung would inevitably get uncomfortable by the growing tent in his pants and trying to cover it up with a pillow from the couch.

You'd look over at him and wondered why he looked so flustered and red.

Jisung would groan, throwing his head back "Ah Y/N, I can't take it anymore, this is too much." Jisung would definitely be cocky towards you and very straightforward. No beating around the bus with Jisung. Direct is the way to go.

He'd reveal his bulge he's been hiding under a pillow and you'll look at him with the most innocent angel eyes that always drove him crazy.

He'd tell you to come over and sit next to him. At that point, you were like putty, willing to do anything for Jisung. He had you (and your pussy soon) wrapped around his finger.

He would tell you to remove your clothes and in less than 5 seconds they would be off of you and on his floor.

He'd maintain eye contact as he would tease the entrance to your pussy, making you gasp. You'd quietly ask for more but he'd tell you to speak up like a good girl. Saying it louder, he'd oblige and put his whole finger in slowly, making you gasp even louder.

He'd look at you intensely, his finger going in out, exploring every inch of your insides making you moan.

To Jisung, your moans were the prettiest music he's ever heard. He'd love to hear them on repeat.

Begging him to go faster, gripping his body, he would oblige and go faster. You'd moan and say a curse of strings that Jisung would get turned on by. He loves it when your pretty mouth curses.

You'd finally cum on finger, shaking all over.

THERE IDK WHAT I WROTE SORRY ALSO IT WASNT TOO LONG IT'S JUST LATE AND IM TIRED BUT I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS ASAP

[imnotskyguy-remake]

OMG LOOK!!! AN INTRO!! LET'S READ IT!!!

Hello besties! Welcome to the remake of my blog! I have a few things I'd like to say before you scroll down, so let's get started!

My name is Sky (not my real one, but real my name has been posted - let's see if you can find it!), does make the whole "not skyguy" thing a little confusing tho lol

DNI if:

You are a pedophile or zoophile

You are anti-palestinian

You do not support the LGBTQIA+ community

You are racist

My tags:

ins yaps - Me talking about smthn or other

ins rb - me reblogging smthn

ins love peanuts - me reblogging or talking about Spy x Family

ins loves kotlc - me reblogging or talking about Keeper of the Lost Cities

ins loves EPIC - me reblogging or talking about Epic: The Musical

ins loves wof - me reblogging or talking about Wings of Fire

ins loves star wars - me reblogging or talking about Star Wars

ins answers - me answering an ask

help stop israel - any reblog or original post about palestinian needs

moots taggy - my mutuals tag

ins new fandom - me reblogging a fandom that i'm not in

ins memes - me either posting a meme i made or reblogging a meme someone else made

ins art - my art tag (i have HEAPS of art, very rarely post any of it lol - my first posts on the original blog are all art tho)

koalas and emus - my tag for anything to do with Australia

purrs and cuddles - my tag for when i reblog or post about cats

rainbows - my tag for when i reblog or post about LGBTQIA+ (THIS TAG HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED)

🖱️ moot - my tag for @yellow-computer-mouse (quite new - not everything has this yet)

☕ moot - my tag for @sombrathedragon (also very new)

🦅 moot - my tag for @ilikebookssomuch (again, very new)

🥪 moot - my tag for @ham-cheese-toastie (wow, a lot of new tags, isn't there?!)

🐺 moot - my tag for @wolfdog-weatherman (this tag is hot off the press!)

🍦moot - my tag for @k-is-for-potassium (brand-spanking new!)

🦃🪓 moot - my tag for @turkeyaxearg-official (from yellow's blog!)

NOTE: I am starting to use "sky" instead of "ins". I have made over 700 posts and my lazy ass is not going back to change them all, so I will just say here that you will be able to find a majority of my posts under "ins" still.

That's about it! I'd also quickly like to thank @yellow-computer-mouse @sombrathedragon @mythos321 for remembering so quickly about the url change! You guys really are amazing!

And one last warning.....

And also, one more thing i'd like to mention,

both by me, do not use either without my express permission.

userbox rules here

[enviedear]

as an engineer major i love engineer major!anakin, he has my whole heart <33 may i also add: computer nerd ani. idk if you want to make him a computer nerd but it seems like most engineering boys are. he could be a car guy and a computer guy tho. he has his own PC setup that he built and he sees u using an old ass laptop (me) and offers to build a PC just for u <333

alsoooo him living in a lil student apartment and it smells like weed and is shockingly clean but the fridge is. empty. since he’s not a drinker he probably has some drinks u like and he’s got like noodles and stuff but u have to go over and buy him ingredients and teach him to make a 5 minute recipe bc he just cannot 😭 he would probably live on takeout otherwise.

probably makes some money off a little side hustle like fixing parts of a computer or someone’s car or sth idk and then also has to go to his internship. babe is so stressed but he’s glad to come back home and take the stress out on you XNSKSJ

send me some anakin thots <3

omg i'm sorry this got lost in my inbox, but that you for sending it in! i'm always down to talk about my favorite ani hc <3

YES to computer nerd ani!!! i could totally see him building you a new pc because, "jesus christ honey your laptop sounds like it's about to take flight."

also ani most certainly can't cook... unless it's steak. i can see that man owning no other pots or pans aside from a cast iron. he treats it like a baby and he's a total snob abt it. "babe, stop trying to put this in the dishwasher, you're gonna take away the seasoning!!"

ask him to make you an omelet? nah you're getting an almost burnt scrambled egg. ask him to bake some cookies? they're hard as rock and he used salt instead of sugar. ask him for some oatmeal? you uncooked oats in water. "why are you making that face? i eat them like this all the time?"

i can totally see him working part-time at an auto shop, but like... one with a dyno where he just tunes the absolute shit out of cars. the type of tuner that lets people get the loud ass gunshot sounding pops.

then he's clocking out and trying to get the oil and smoke smell off of his body before heading into some fancy engineering firm. hair still kind of messy, but he wears those slack and button-up like a god.

he totally has the full-time senior employees wrapped around his finger too, he's so bright and somehow always knows every solution.

[popculturebuffet]

Batmarch: The Secret Origin of Batman's Trophys (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Batmarch, or celebrations of all things that go bump in the dark knight

Today we've got a special treat... and i'm not just talking the nice art Kev had comissioned! Looks really good and I really appcirated it. Thank you KEv and thank you Alan Patreon. It was a nice suprise gift.

As for what this is about, this was a fantastic idea Kev cooked up: the batcave is one of the coolest hero bases in all of fiction. The layout is never 100% consitant across media but your usually guaranteed a batmobile, a big ass computer at the center, water falls, and over time a display for various costumes from past sidekicks, alternate outfits etc.

What really spruces the place up are three distinct decorations that we almost always see in the comics and ocasionally in other media, if not live action since these bitches would be expensive to make: A giant dinosaur, a big ole penny, and a giant playing card of a joker. These three are staples of the bat cave, to the point when the original was caved in during the earthquakes that ravaged gotham in the build up to no man's land, Bruce made a point of fishing them out for the new cave he built after that traumatic year.

Yet most of us.... have no idea where he got these wonderful toys. Even I didn't. The Joker Card comes from an obvious grinning source, but what CASE did it come from? Where did he get that dinosaur? What was someone using that giant Penny for? It's a question i've asked once or twice but never looked into. Kevin did though, and while the through and lovely DC wiki helped him find each one, he went the extra mile, asking for a review. And I was entirely on board with this comission as I just.. never had those answers and I doubt i'm the only one whose wondered what the context for these things were. So today we're looking at three disntinct golden age batman stories, at a time when goofy nonsense reigned supreme, logic was optional, and weird shit like this was just another day in the batcave. IN other words, this is going to be a LOT of fun so join me under the cut as we look at gambling themed death traps, penny obessed gangsters and batman being hunted by the most dangerous game: mechanical dinosaurs.

The Giant Joker Playing Card:

(from Batman #44)

I love these old titles, such flair and cheese. It's incredible.

Anyways this one starts because Joker decides to hit an off the books casnio after his win. Luckily for them, he just wants to play which feels entirely like a joker move: instead of robbing an easy target that can't call the cops and that the mafia presumibly running it would be stupid to retaliate on, he decides "fuck it let's try this whole gambling thing men, sounds like a hoot and a half".

And sure enough.. it goes really well. He spends what's implied to be the whole night just winning and winning until he cleans house. This being the joker this gambling bug can only end one way

I just.. love everything about this. Joker just had fun at a casnio and turned it into a death trap. It's such a brilliant setup.. and one that while nicely goofy, is also well done: it fits the joker's unpredictablity to just go a gamblin and it fits him just as much to turn a new hobby into a death trap. I also love Lewis' reaction calling it SUPERGAMBLING., like he's some gambling expert and most dangerous game shit is a type of gambling.. which given we're in the dc universe, you probably DO need a name for this kind of thing in the crime world.

So he set shte perfect trap: he has a random balding middle aged man tell the two he has info on a recent raidum theft, raidum a hospital badly needs. To save the presumed orphans about to die without eating their radium, Batman and Robin go to a sketchy island with one house perched on a hill

The World's Greatest Detective.. sees NOTHING wrong with this and goes ahead and gets caught in the most devious trap imaginable.

Several head injuries later, our heroes wake and joker reveals the radium theives, who he captured for this scheme but have kept the radium's location to themselves. This is by deisgn: the joker wants the two and their "radium screts" as the ante here, along with Robin to make sure Batman does this. Batman repedately states "I don't gamble' as if logic suddenly works on the clown man who set up a gambling death trap, so Joker reveals if Batman won't play his three supergambling games, he'll just kill the hostages. Batman reluctantly agrees,

Game 1 is super pinball.

But when Batman proves to be an expert at the snes Joker goes with plan b.. his giant pinball table of death. Sorry his giant SUPER pinball table of death.

As you can see the same joker face from the card is here and you see it all over his lable. it seemed to be Joker's logo back the. I love this whole setup and mostly show it not only because it' sdope but because those pins must've been what bumpers were. I also had no idea PInball used to be a gambling thing. Makes sense, it's just fun to find out.

The game goes well mostly though one of the guys nearly slams into a pin. Thankfully Robin is an expert gymnist and batman smartly saved laucnhing robin till the last minute and Dick's able to save the goon.

Game two is super rolling some dice, which apparently used to land on numbers. This yugioh style death game involves our bait being tied to polls on three of the numbers. If Batman guesses wrong, someone dies. Or maybe not since the board is pretty damn big. Not every death trap can be super murder pinball. Batman spots some mud on the dice though and correctly guesses they'll pivot. This is the weakest of the death traps here, a bit convolunted, not really guranteed to be as deadly. I know the chance of nothing happening is part of it.. but with pinball there's really almost no chance you won't hit the bumpers. Here it feels like pure luck or simple cheating that both dice flew at the joker.

Next game and the one that introduces our prop, though the dice apparently are also in the cave sometimes which I love. The game is a game of cards.. batman has to correctly guess which face matches the door Robin and the hostage goons are in or they'll choke to death on the deadly gas released inside.. and naturally he figures out it's the Joker card. It's too joker not to work.

Turns out though, naturally the joker isn't playing fair both having a final one on one game ofr him and Batman and having his goon go to get robin behind the joker card door... and Robin dispatches him hilaroiusly and awesomely

With that the hostages are free and the final death game begins. A giant super roulette wheel with both batman and joker getting in a slot. looser gets crushed alive. It's an awesome finale, and it fits joker to put himself at risk: after all he risks his life all the time why wouldn't he for such a fun gag?

Batman's able to get the wheel to turn fairly and then escape it, leading to a chase. THe Radium Theives agree to give themselves and the radium up but there's still the matter of the joker and we get a short but neat final chase as Joker uses the dice against the heroes then jumps off a cliff, gambling his life one last time.. and rightfully batman isn't betting on the joker having died.

Gamble With Doom is an excellent story. While the trophy we get out of it is only in it briefly the story itself is pure fun. It has some fun dated elements like Bruce's opinon gambling is EVILLLL and the old fashioned designs on the traps, but it's pure fun. The traps are clever, the tension palpable and the climax great. The gambling motif's really fit the joker and it adds up to an all time great joker story with a suprise impact. The Trophy Itslef. is barely in it but Robin DID break a guy's face with it so i'll say it was still cave worthy.

(From World's Finest #30)

The Penny Plunderer is a name I had heard but had no real context for. I assumed he was some goofy silver age villian with pennies for eyes who drove around chucking pennies at everyone.

I am an artiste.

Instead it's just a guy in a suit. He has the backstory of any good golden or silver age villian to justify his gimmick

I love.. everything about this backstory. It reads like if a writer was given the thought exercise "Make the pettiest batman villian origin you can find.". I mean other villians gimmicks make sense: Poison Ivy was a botonist, Mr Freeze had a horrible accident, the penguin was born looking like a penguin with a lot of money, the Joker fell into a vat of chemicals and came out a clwon, the riddler liked puzzles.

Here Joe just... got screwed over by pennies a lot. Even funnier is that the last one has nothing to do with pennies. Like.. even if it'd had nickels he'd still be arrested.

So Joe vows since pennies runied his life, he'l lbecome the penny! Sadly this does not mean him dressing up like a giant penny with a cane and top hat.. nad now I can't show you it that last drawing put me too far behind and... oh fuck it.

Instead he just wears a suit but makes his gimmick pennies. Commit to the bit man. I do get it as some golden age villians were just guy in a suit, even Joker and Penguin technically counts but one is a clown and the other is a rich penguin man. They have mor ethan just "suit and a vendetta against pennies that somehowturns into stockholm syndrome.

So the penny plunderer begins his reign of terror, setting up a penny arcade as a front, and cashing in a roll of pennies in the most diabolical scheme ever devised by man.

A true criminal mastermind.

Batman picks up on this pattern because it's what he does and finds his next case, a coin and stamp exibiton with a rare one cent stamp. It's here we meet the reason we're here: the giant penny!

Yeah to my shock the penny had NOTHING to do with the penny plunderer other than being at the site of one of his robberies. He prefered just.. chucking pennies at people.. which is awesome and a truly great tactic only topped by Batman's use of said giant penny

I adore the fact that this iconic artifact is there not because it was seized from the villians or a police options.. but because, presumibly, Bruce thought this penny he found was kick ass and bought it off it's actual owner.

Most of the theives escape but they find one willing to squeal. Unfortunatley he dies for his hubris

Yup bet you weren't expecting the penny guy to kill someone and to see his corpse weren't you but here you are. Also batman is apparently a cop now. George Lopez tried to warn us...

But we didn't listen! We didn't listen!

A fight breaks out at the gambling parlour and we get two of the best moments in batman history that much like the blue beetle film, ar ehighly underated.

I just.. I get the sense that is how batman ALWAYS plays pinball. Just judo kicks it every time even as bruce wayne. Both bruce wayne and batman have been banned from so many arcades.. often the same ones. Perks of having a secret identity. We then get coyne once again THROWING pennies at someone and it working. I don't know why he hasn't been brought back with the telkeentic ability to contorl pennies. Give him a copper helmet and a proper costume and oh dammit..

Then Joe knocks batman out iwth his one weakness: a roll of pennies. He's trapped them in the parlor for your standard batman death trap, having removed their belts and ripped out the phone lines as usual. He then throws them a few pennies when then prove to be a mistake as it's time for SCIENCE WITH DR. BATMAN, who uses one old penny, copper, and one new penny, zinc to make a battery. Good thing jimmy didn't wish it away THIS week.

The cops arrive to free one of hteir own and batman finds a clue once the parlor is cleared of gas. Turns out Coyne was catering a penny slot party for a rich billinoare's houseboat, and naturally their filled with gas. I swear it's always gas with these golden age villians. Get another knockout device fellas.

With that our final chase enses as Batman and robin chase Coyne and while he nearly bests them with a good game of 1940's donkey kong

He's foiled by his own gimmick: he has only pennies but the pay telephone.. dosen't.. take 5 seperate pennies for some reason? the hell? I get payphones not taking pennies once they went up to a quarter but come the fuck on 1940's payed telephones. he's foiled.. and sentenced to death.

Yes folks that's the cannoical till some lucky fellow brings him back fate of the penny plunderer: PUT TO DEATH.

This story is as you can tell nonsense that's only gotten more hilarious with the passage of time and I loved every page on it and on getting the panels for this review, I only found MORE hilaroius nonsense to laugh at. We have a story where a guy with a penny gimmick smacks batman with a roll of pennies, trips robin with more, kills a man without pennies, is foiled by pennies yet somehow dosen't actually use the giant penny that's the only reason people know he exists. It's beautiful bollocks and worth your time.

(From Batman #35)

As I hope you are, this issue had me hooked from the first panel: Batman vs dinosaurs being forced to fashion a bow and arrow for some reason. Yes... fuck. Yes. Also nice of bruce to eat Ollie's lunch.

Okay so this story starts, as many real life stories do, with a billionare having a zany idea; Mr. Hart is a man who puts on shows: ice follies, aqua carnival, 40's razzle dazzle type stuff. For his latest idea though he's going above and beyond: a DINOSAUR ISLAND. With mechancail dinosaurs and cavemen who throw giant sponges at you. Thankfully spongebob wasn't born yet but his great great grandpappys quarepants did the honors. Honorable old fool.

To ramp up the insanity, Mr Hart is inviting a club of big game hunters to eat mammoth steak with batman.

If that weren't enough, and in any other golden age story it might be... our heroes get CHALLENGED at dinner by one of the rich assholes. Yeah turns out rich assholes who hunt innocent animals for sport and eat reheated mammoth aren't the most stable indviduals and Mr. Breech scoofs at the fact Mr. Hart says Man is the most dangerous game. He's hunted man, they went down like cowards. COWARDS. He feels Batman couldn't hut a dinosaur without his gadgets, and certainly not his bare hands... even though as this issue with prove and has already shown early man had tools.

To prove his point he challenges batman to a fucking challenge: survive on Dinosaur Island: no utility belt, no vehicles. If the dinosaurs touch him he looses. Mr Breech will man the controls. Honestly i'm convinced Breech knew hart well enough to know he'd both agree to this for the publiclity and why he'd invite batman and robin and just wants to play iwth giant mechanical dinosaurs and also batman. Which granted if I were invited to this sort of thing i'd also want to chase batman with mechanical dinosaurs for fun, who wouldn't, so I totally get it and respect the game.

Hart is on board, offering 5000 to the winner's charity and Batman is like "Why the bat-fuck not. Let's go".

Now you might suspect Breech's real motive is trying to kill batman. I mean you have a setup where batman will be without his weapons, the plausable deniablity of a machine malfunction and a secluded island with 24 hours to kill the batman. And you'd shockingly be wrong. Breech really just wants to prove dinosaurs are the most dangerous game so when that Jurassic Park he's working on opens no one will object to him hunting them for sport.

But his plans are foiled by Chase, anothe rich knob who wants to kill batman and robin to, as he says later form a "crime combine". So he wants a bunch of middle aged guys drinking beers to yell at him for not training the joker on tackling well enough. I see.. well played.

So the game is afoot and our heroes take a bit to catch up, first brushing off a real rock among the sponge rocks as a mistake. Theis ends when a Triceratops to trismash them into a tree. Batman calls for a war council on a nearbye island but naturally THAT'S NO ISLAND

Batman fought a mechanical fucking seamonster. That.. that's cannon. To almost every batman timeline. God bless you Golden Age, god, bless, youuuu. Also i'd be stupid if I didn't say that Tally Ho, Batman! is one of the greatest phrases in batman history up there with "I Am the night" , "I'm batman" and "Something something joker's boner".

So now the games for their lives, Batman and Robin don't have to play fair and start fashioning bows, arrows and knives out of mechanical dinosaur bones. You know.. sometimes this job can be draining: 2-3 reviews a week, many a plan having to be delayed due to a review taking longer than expected.. but then you get a review where Batman and robin have to outrun a manical billinoare who hyjacked dinosaurs from a diffrnet billionare who was having a charity dinosaur hunt with batman and robin using a third billionare's dinosaur, while fashoining weapons from mechanical dinosaur corpses and fashion a kite from a mechanical ptreadon and remember why you love reviewing stuff so mucH: sharinng a good story with the world and finding a good one or two yourself while your at it. And thanks to Kev i've found three truly wonderful, truly bonkers batman stories, with this one being the easy winner. It's both a decent enough concept for the time and hilariously insane.

And I ddin't make up the kite thing: when, after a night of survivial, Robin brings up the batplane, Batman has an idea: since the flying dinosaurs are on a programmed pattren rather than directly controled, they can use them to make themselves a kite yor style.

So to win the day Batman has a plan: he uses himself as bait since Robin's the more agile of the two, and has robin CATAPULT HIMSELF into the air after chase, who is riding on t-rex back with an army of dinosaurs.. and how does he defeat chase' smighty dino army?

It's both genuinely clever and wonderfully bonkers: Robin defeats an evil billionare RIDING a mechanical t-rex.. with water balloons.

Also props to this story: in the previous two the trophy was impressive.. but it was taken from what felt like a minor point in the story: the card flip game was fun as was batman slammin ga door on a guy, but it's sandwitched between far more elaborate death traps, while the penny, again awesome, wasn't even something the penny plunderer used. Batman just bought it off some offscreen character to relive fond memoreies of crushign some crimianls alive with it. Here the main villian ROAD IN on the thing. Granted he still had to likely buy it off his actual owner, but this time at least a criminal actually used it as a murder weapon. I can see Batman wanting this thing for his cave.

Batman chases chase over the now still dinosaurs and punches the guy out. With this Batman's saved the day AND won the bet. 5000 for batmobiles for kids, donate your batmobile today!

As for chase...

With that our story and this trilogy comes to an end.. and as I said, it's great. check out all three of these issues their a lot of fun. Next time dc puts some up for sale I may have to get some 40's batman, this stuff is golden.

Thanks for reading

To conclude batman month: Wait'll you get a load of this