#I'm in a much better place physically and emotionally then when I ever worked on ETU so I actually think I can do it this time though!

[pmd-etu]

Putting on my fool's hat as I change my mind AGAIN

[owliellder]

circling back to this finally!

i'm so sorry i wasn't able to do this sooner. i was gonna write it out yesterday but i was busy surviving a tummy ache on top of a 60 hour work week.

i tried to make this super duper sweet for you. forgive me, my sweet anon 💔

ID! Leon x Pregnant! Reader

MDNI 18+

Pregnancy was more than difficult.

Day in and out you hoped your pregnancy would be easy like your friends' had been, but of course you can't always get what you want.

Dealing with everything you didn't want to happen was more than frustrating, and for the first seven months, Leon was constantly being pulled away from you to work.

However, that man was incredibly helpful when he was home, doting on you as if you'd break at the slightest breeze. The most amazing person you could ever ask for.

Swollen ankles, strong food cravings, intense mood swings, horrible morning sickness which is not limited to just the morning, and the overall struggle to perform basic tasks was hard to handle, physically and emotionally. Everything would be so much better if you just had more of Leon.

Closing in on the eight-month mark, he was finally able to take leave, those months of stressing his need to be at home with you ultimately paying off in the end.

From there, you were taken care of. Everything you asked for, you got. You wanted a large pizza at three in the morning? No problem. Need help getting your socks on in the morning? You don't even need to ask. Can you get a back massage? Is that even a question?

You were never afraid to ask Leon for anything, expect for one thing. The need for this specific thing had been growing throughout your pregnancy and you weren't really expecting it to, hoping it would simply come and go. That thing that you were dreading bringing up to him was sex.

Understandably, it was a hard topic to approach, seeing as the man would treat you like expensive china. And no matter how many times he told you, that nagging voice in the back of your head was constantly whispering negative insults about yourself; you're overweight, you're too needy, you complain too much, etc.

Thinking about asking would always lead to you crying and that freaked Leon out, immediately rushing to make sure you were okay. That really only made you cry more. He was so unbelievably sweet and kind, how could you think so low of him to say no to such a simple request like sex?

You always refused to tell him why you were crying, brushing it off as hormones or maybe you just saw a video of the cutest kitten being rescued. You'd cried over similar things, so it was easy to excuse.

Though you'd been able to ignore the urge for quite some time, you couldn't ignore it forever.

The baby had you up at odd hours of the night to waddle into the bathroom, waking Leon in the process since the guy is the lightest sleeper ever. It never failed to make you cry, apologizing for waking him, to which he would just gently shush you while helping you to and from the toilet.

After one such bathroom trip, you couldn't fall back asleep, doing your best to ignore that feeling breaking away at your composure.

"Leon? Are you still awake?" You suddenly whispered, looking away from your phone to study him for any sort of movement.

"Mm.. mhm.." He breathed in through his nose as he rolled onto his side to face you, eyes squinting from the glow of your phone. "What's up baby?"

All you could do was stare, silently working up the courage to ask. Your need was too hard to ignore now, and that deep, sleepy voice of his wasn't helping. "I-... can I ask you for something?"

Leon nodded and slowly lifted himself up, resting his head in his hand as he propped himself up with his elbow. "You don't need to ask, just let me know what you need and I'll do it. Or get it."

"You have to promise me you won't laugh, okay?" You placed your phone down on your stomach, screen side down.

Leon pursed his lips, raising an eyebrow. "I promise."

"Is it-.." You paused, running one of your hands over the top of the other nervously. You didn't really think this far ahead, so forming the question was proving difficult. "Uh.. would it be weird if I asked for sex right now..?"

His soft laugh broke the silence and that only made you even more nervous. "You said you wouldn't laugh!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, I just think you're funny." Leon lifted himself up so he was now sitting up next to you, scooting closer in the process. "It's not weird to ask." His voice remained low and smooth, which did help calm your nerves. If only a little.

"Are you sure it's not weird? Cause I've been having urges for months and-" You were cut off by his hand suddenly grabbing yours, stopping you from fidgeting. "You've been having urges for months? And you didn't tell me?"

The question itself was definitely not meant to come off as mean, but regardless it was bringing you close to tears, bottom lip quivering as you tried to apologize once more.

"No- hey, hey c'mon.. I would never say no to you, sweetheart." He brought his hand up to stroke you cheek, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb.

"But-" You tried again only to be cut off again. "No buts. You're perfect, I love you, and I want you." He leaned over and kissed the tip of your nose before planting a tender kiss to your lips.

You gave Leon a weak smile before you let him take off your nightgown and lay you down, lifting up a bit so he could slip his pillow underneath you to cradle the small of your back. He triple checked that you were comfortable, running his hands along the swell of your belly.

Such tender touches, such sweet kisses. This man provided you with everything you could possibly want, how did you end up so lucky?

Your underwear hasn't fit you since month six and maternity underwear felt a little constricting, so you've been going without them for awhile. Leon definitely didn't mind that.

"Wanting sex for months and never asked..." He shook his head with another soft laugh, dragging his rough hands up your body to massage your swollen breasts which made you gasp. "I'll never be able to resist you."

He squeezed your breasts and pinched your nipples, letting out sounds akin to growls as he watched your milk-filled breasts leak at his ministrations. "Been wanting to play with these since you bought those pumps. Making me jealous of them."

His gravely voice was hitting all the right spots in your brain. "Leon.. please.." You whined, biting at your bottom lip in a poor attempt to hide your increased sensitivity.

"So pretty for me. Always so beautiful." He bent over you, careful of your stomach, to bring one of your nipples into his mouth. The vibration of his moan made you cry out, hands flying into his hair. He sucked and swirled his tongue around it, eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated.

Leon pulled off with a loud pop, swallowing with a sigh before moving over to your other nipple, repeating the process over. By the time he was done taking his fill of your milk, you were a crying, drooling mess. You gave up hiding your pitiful noises as soon as you started trying.

"Tastes so good.." Leon groaned, giving both of your nipples one last harsh suck before kissing his way down your stomach to your dripping pussy.

For a brief moment you were embarrassed at the fact that you hadn't shaved, you hadn't been able to since your stomach masked the view that you needed. Yet, he said nothing but the sweetest things as he stroked through your folds with his finger, bringing it into his mouth before quickly descending between your legs.

He groaned into your cunt, lapping at your entrance and clit like it was the last thing he'd ever do. You were soaked, he couldn't just pass up getting a good taste of you.

"Fuck! Leon- ah~!" You moaned as he sucked on your clit, making sure he paid extra attention to it. He sat back on his legs with a content sigh, giving your pussy a few extra rubs with his fingers before sinking the entirety of his middle finger into you. Before you knew it, he was stretching you with two. "Couldn't fuck you without giving this neglected pussy a little extra attention.."

He was so skillful with his fingers, stretching you out like it was an art, but you were desperate to have him deep in you, aching to your core. "N-no more-.. gah.. I need more.. please Leon..."

"Yeah? You need more?" Leon cooed, thrusting his fingers in you a few more times before slowly pulling them out. "Need my cock deep in that cunt?" Feeling him grind his dick against your slick folds was torture. He knew just how badly you needed it and he *still* decided to tease you.

"Yes! Please! God, please.." Your moan fell to a whimper as he carefully pushed the tip of his dick into you, pausing for a moment to rub the tops of your thighs as they trembled with your orgasm. "Poor thing, just feels that good huh?"

One of Leon's hands on your face brought you to open your eyes again. You didn't even realize you started crying until he wiped them from your temple. You could only nod, leaning your head against his hand as he sunk deeper into you.

Once he was flush against you, you both let out a sigh, sitting still so he could caress your body. His hands felt so good against your hot skin, eyes falling back closed as he massaged your breasts for a minute.

It wasn't long before he started to thrust into you, his slow place quickly frustrating you. "Faster, Leon- ngh~.. I-.. I'm not gonna break I promise!" You whined, panting in between words.

"You're perfect." Leon wasn't going to pass up a request like that, immediately beginning to pound your sloppy cunt once his hands settled on the barely visible divots from your hips. "Feel so good around me, baby~..."

You were incredibly sensitive from already having came once and his brutal pace was bringing you close to another. He knew just what angle to hit at and just what to say to get you right back to that edge.

You felt amazing with Leon taking care of you like this. Even as your body changed, he still made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

"That's it, ohhh, there ya go baby~.. Fuck that's hot.." Leon grunted as you came again, your walls clamping around him. He leaned back a bit to watch his cock disappear into your cunt as he neared his own high. "Gonna cum baby, shit, I'm gonna cum-" He spilled his seed deep inside you with a long, drawn out moan, gripping onto you tightly as his thrusts slowed to a stop.

After catching his breath, he let out an airy laugh, bending over to kiss right above your belly button before pulling out of you.

"I promised I would take care of you, didn't I?" He whispered against your skin, and you nodded with a small hum. "Right. So the next time you want me to fuck you, please don't be afraid to jump my bones."

You couldn't help but let out a laugh of your own, placing your arm over your eyes. If you knew pregnancy sex would be this good, you would've asked him ages ago.

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[macravishedbymactavish]

Comforting Them Headcanons (TF141 + Alex x GN! Reader)

Can these even be considered headcanons when they're unorganized drabbles in a HC design? We're blurring the lines and inventing new things today apparently

TW: Lots of angst, the guys are dealing with a lot emotionally (very closed off about it though), suggestions of some depressive episode symptoms, some mentions of arguing and one injury while cooking.

| Blog HQ |

Captain John Price

Just a heads up, he's taking this one pretty hard the text from Kate read, a couple days before John would be returning home. Your heart sunk reading the words, mind immediately planning and preparing for when he arrived.

After so many years of marriage, homecomings following deployment went from a grand guesture (ie. Hugging you tight and spinning you softly as he whispered about how much he missed you) to more intimate moments hidden away from wandering eyes.

Maybe that was just the two of you getting older.

Ultimately you decided to play things by ear, follow his lead and love him a little more. Hold him a little tighter. Kiss him a little longer.

The first thing you noticed when he came home was the bags that formed under his eyes, and the pain hidden deep within. Despite the horrors he saw, the moments replaying in his mind, the decisions his soul screamed at him to change...

He still smiled at you, eyes lighting up as he pressed a loving, deep kiss to your lips. Pulling you tight into his chest, a small reminder of why he was fighting so hard to make the world a bit of a better place.

You noticed he was quieter over the next couple of days, wrapping up paperwork and administrative tasks before taking time for just you and him. This wouldn't normally be cause for alarm; he's done this every time since forming the task force. What really concerned you though?

How he holed himself in his office, spending most hours of the day hidden away.

You knew better than to be here. His office, his space. The threshold being the physical divide between head and heart. Work and play. Tactical and tactful.

Yet, there you stand. Watching him lean over his desk, worry lines creasing his forehead, shoulders shaking slightly.

The physical divide between past and present.

"Love..." You started softly, watching his muscles tense up immediately. "I'm coming in" you declared, feet moving a moment after when he didn't protest.

Soft footfalls and heavy breathing filled the room as you made your way over to what was currently the shell of a man. A hand resting softly between his shoulder blades, you felt the muscles tense, shake, release, then repeat. He was holding back.

Pulling in a shaky breath after a few moments of silence, he whispered: "thank you for the concern, darling. But don't stress yourself over me. I'll be fine"

Rubbing soft circles overtop his t-shirt, a silent check in. You're not okay, my sweet love. Are you?

You weren't convinced. Not in the slightest.

Continuing to rub your hand across the expanse of his back, you felt the shakiness return. You could see the storm waging behind his eyes. Hand sliding fully across his shoulder, dipping to wrap around his middle you held him; determined not to let him get lost at sea. Lips pressed against the top of his head as you felt his body shake with silent sobs.

"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway" you whispered to him, voice breaking as you pressed a loving kiss to his hair.

Sobs now wracking his shoulders, you sat there silently. Holding tightly onto him as he felt every emotion he needed to, whispering soft details about what haunted him every so often.

Calming down, he moved from your embrace to stand up. Pulling you against his chest properly as he mumbled a soft I love you so much

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

It was supposed to be a beautiful night, exploring his hometown. Wandering the streets, admiring how beautiful everything looked lit up under the street lights.

"This was my favourite resturaunt for so many years" he chuckled, eyes scanning over the menu. Giving you his recommendations at your request as you felt your heart fill. He had been smiling all day, excited to be showing you off to everyone he knows. To show you the people and places that made him who he is today.

The two of you fell into easy conversation throughout your meal. Discussing his favourite memories from eating here, to where he wanted to show you next.

Fingers intertwined, stomachs and hearts full, arms swinging obnoxiously as you walked down the street. Your eyes wide as he pointed out buildings, mentioning which shops used to be there. Or which shops he promised to show you in the morning.

His demeanor shifted entirely about halfway throughout your journey. Something, or somewhere leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

Except, his body language didn't translate that very well. Leaving you confused and concerned as to why he was suddenly closed off and only speaking when you asked questions.

Even then his responses were short and seemingly disinterested.

You debated the entire walk back to his flat on whether you should mention it. The pain feeding on the unknown pushed you to gently ask:

"What's going on?" A few minutes after you two made it inside. He shrugged the question off, assuring you it was nothing as he went to the bedroom to change and likely shower.

One could argue that what you did next was selfish, un-needed. Pure unfiltered emotion that came out before your mind could filter the words.

"Are you sure? Because it doesn't seem like nothing" you intended for the sentence to portray your concern, not for frustration to take over and spark an argument.

He stopped, shoulders tensing before he turned his head. Glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

"You'll never understand" he started with a sarcastic chuckle. You went to defend your point, admit you won't know unless he let's you in and tells you.

"You'll never fucking understand!" He snapped, turning to face you now. Angry tears streaking down his face as his lip quivered. Pain twisting into his features as he stood in front of you.

Guilty. Angry. Hurt. Helpless

"No, you're right" you were fighting tears of your own now. Partially due to the shock, and pain of his outburst; though you knew he wasn't doing this intentionally. "I'll never know the true extent of your work, Kyle. But fucking hell, give me a chance to help. Or at least try!"

Both of you standing, closed off as you processed your emotions. Chose your next words wisely before letting your high strung emotions make accusations and digs you'd never be able to take back.

Staring ahead, unfocused as tears ran down his face. Breathing heavily as the weight of his mind came crashing down. "Just go" he muttered, causing the reasonable side of you to falter. Being replaced by loving rage as you snapped:

"Tell me every terrible thing you've ever done, and let me love you anyway!" The words were said through light sobs. Your heart ached for him, wishing to ease his mind of the darkness, to erase what broke his kind hearted soul.

"Let me love you" you whispered pathetically, a feeling of relief washing over you when he caught your mouth in a kiss.

A silent sign that he was willing to at least try.

John "Soap" Mactavish

For most people, it was tough to see past the positive, lighthearted exterior. Anything remotely negative being washed away with a smirk and joke. While an acquired taste, everyone had to admit he did boost morale.

You however, saw right through it. Having the privilege and luck of being loved by Johnny for the last 3 years gave you a different view. You had the privilege of seeing the raw and real sides of his soul.

You could tell the difference between when he was volunteering out of duty, or out of recklessness. The natural and artificial light that would shine behind his eyes. When he was truly happy vs when he put up a front to hide the barricades he built over his heart.

Your intuition when it came to his mind was never 100%, the only person (well, thing) that had clear insight to what was going through his mind was the journal he kept close by. You knew it held everything from doodles and drawings, to battle plans he was trying to memorize, all the way to pages he wouldn't show anyone. Filled with memories and screams that kept him awake at night.

Which is why you would willingly break the kneecaps of anyone who came remotely close to trying to sneak a peek.

Right as the team returned, you noticed he wasn't himself. Despite still smiling and taking the piss out of Simon, he was pulling back emotionally. Putting distance between himself and the world.

"You know, at some stage teasing Ghost like that is going to become more dangerous than the actual mission" you joked, holding your arms out to him for a hug when he was close enough.

Happily obliging, he pulled you tight. Rocking your bodies back and forth slightly as his eyes closed. Letting his muscles relax and mind shut off for a second.

He was home.

Walking out from your shower that night, your brows immediately furrowed when you noticed one very alarming detail:

The journal hadn't moved an inch.

As mentioned before, for anyone else this would have been normal. But for Johnny? It was an extension of his being. He'd normally sit for hours the first night after a mission, getting the stress and exhaustion out of his system. Translating everything he couldn't say into marks on a page.

You didn't mention it, but the concern kept growing when 3, 4 then 5 days passed and it still wasn't touched. There was no way he was using it and placing it delicately back into the exact position every time. Especially when he had a habit of tossing it gently to the side, or onto the nightstand the entire time you've known him.

It was at lunch a week after his return when the realization hit you, his sudden aversion to using his one tried and true coping mechanism. His free (well, cheap) therapy as he called it once.

He would have to face whatever happened on this mission every single time he opened the book. A journal filled with too many memories that he isn't willing to give up just yet.

You forgot your lunch and appetite quite quickly after putting things together in your head. Determined to quietly help your boyfriend through whatever he was trying to fight on his own. A fight without any weapons at that.

A new, cheap journal you bought from one of the stores 5 or so minutes from base. With a small note in your handwriting in the front cover:

Tell me every terrible thing you've ever done, and let me love you anyway.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

To anyone else, they wouldn't have noticed anything wrong. Just Ghost being....well, Ghost.

You, however started noticing the small details:

The way he got quieter, becoming more distanced from conversations and others. The way he would hold you, but not pull you as tight as he normally did. Sleeping for longer and longer.

The sleeping in during the day was the major giveaway that he was currently dealing with something below the surface.

Simon couldn't argue that sleeping until your body felt rested, and spending a lazy day in bed (especially with someone you love) wasn't a blessing all in its own. Life's simple pleasures he would whisper on these days, holding you tight as he pressed soft kisses across your face and lips.

Sleeping in hours past your normal almost every day off, however? Barely being able to wake up to your alarms? Red flag.

Despite your concern, and the heartache these episodes would bring; you knew better than to corner the man. Than to try and dissect what he was feeling before he was ready to. He's gotten a lot better at letting you in once he's on the other side of this. Especially in the last few years.

So you waited, you supported him from an arms length. Ensuring he ate, shifting your sleep schedule to spend a few minutes in the morning with him. Holding him a bit tighter at night and during hugs. Passively reminding him of all the things you love about him, about your relationship.

He once told you the small things you did brought him back to the present. Reminded him that there were some good things in his life; even when his mind tried blinding him to this.

When all he could see was the failures, the losses, the obvious signs he missed in the moment.

This episode lasted longer than any before, causing your concern and his guilt to grow. Despite all the assurance from yourself and his friends -- he still beat himself up for closing off so badly. Everyone has their demons, don't need to be reminded of them every time I walk into a room.

He tried opening up a few times, to let you know what burdens he was carrying. None of these alleviated the heaviness on his heart -- if anything they caused his walls to thicken and rise.

It was one night, the two of you getting ready for bed. Rain pouring down against the roof as you slid under the covers.

He softly apologized again, promising that he was trying to open up to anyone. That he had a personal debrief about the last mission with John today. Eyes meeting yours, guilt finding forgiveness. Terror finding patience. Love finding love.

"When you're ready..." You started, shifting closer and cuddling into his side. Fingers intertwining with his over his chest. His heart beating below the skin. "Tell me every terrible thing you've ever done, and let me love you anyway"

Alex Keller

He was laying on the bed, mindlessly scrolling his phone. One arm behind his head as he laid, staring at the screen with half lidded eyes.

"You look bored" you commented, busying yourself with putting clean laundry away. Glancing up when you didn't hear a response, watching him shrug at your comment.

It had been a little over 2 months since he returned from his latest mission; past the catching up phase, not quite in the savour every moment while we have it phase. There was a sense of normalcy for the last week, minus the subtle changes in his behaviour.

You've never seen him lay bored and occupy his thoughts with meaningless activities, at least not to this extent. All week if it wasn't his phone, it was a controller with a game he wasn't totally interested in. He would always write this off with this week just being "a lazy week"

For most people, this is a totally valid point. Lazy days, lazy weeks especially for someone with such a high stress lifestyle should be a godsend. A moment to be cherished.

Except Alex wasn't most people -- he would take a lazy day at most (which would still be filled with something remotely productive). He liked knowing his actions made some form of difference, he loved seeing progress.

So to spend the last week lounging on the couch or bed passing time with nothing to show for it was concerning at the least.

"We could repaint the cupboards later this afternoon, like we've been talking about forever" you offered, moving around the room.

"If you want to, sure. What are you thinking?" He responded half heartedly; causing your eyebrow to raise. Glancing up, watching him scroll for a couple more seconds before meeting your gaze. "What's going on?"

You dropped your eyes to avoid his gaze for a second, contemplating whether or not it was worth mentioning. Maybe you were in fact reading too far into this, and he was taking time to recoup before being sent out again. But it never hurts to ask...right?

"I could be asking you the same thing" You countered, moving to sit on the corner of the bed. Eyes scanning over his features -- feigned confusion glazing over what was really going on.

"If this is about the cupboards, we can do that today if you want. We'll go grab supplies, I'll drive" he shrugged with a light chuckle, phone still in hand.

"It's not about cupboards, or reno projects. You're not yourself lately" you whispered, watching some pain and guilt start to surface.

"It's...." he paused, hand rubbing over the lower half of his face before continuing "it's nothing you need to worry about. You'll be the first to know if there is" he crawled off the bed, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room.

It wasn't until later that afternoon that the conversation came back up. He busied himself with cooking supper, while you sat atop the counter keeping him company. Debating the plot points to the movie you two had watched a few nights prior.

In the moment, you convinced yourself you read too far into his recent actions (or lack thereof). The current interaction was natural, normal for the two of you. Laughter filtering through your heated exclamations about how the other person was wrong.

Until a call came through on his phone, you caught a glance of the name before he grabbed the device. Quietly answering the call as he left the room; the concern creeping back into your chest as you picked up making supper.

You were focused in on the task at hand, not hearing him walk into the room a few minutes later.

"That's my job, you know" he teased, hands on your waist as you jumped in surprise. Somehow pressing your forearm into the edge of the hot pan.

Cursing, you jerked your arm back. Nerves screaming as you felt yourself being guided to the sink. Soft repeated apologies being whispered above you as his hands brought your arm under the lukewarm water.

Body relaxing from the initial shock, you listened as the apologies didn't stop. The guilt and pain in his words as he took the blame for the minor accident.

"Hey, hey" you cut in softly, turning to look up at him. "Stop, you don't need to apologize. These things happen, I wasn't paying attention. This is on me"

Despite your words, he was visibly distraught. Looking at you like he just drop kicked your puppy. This wasn't about the burn.

"Talk to me" you whispered, one hand sliding over his back as the other cupped his cheek. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"

Eyes shifting between your face as the floor, he shook his head. Far too much for him to dump onto you...

"You don't want to know. Lots of horrible things, but I'll get through it. I'll figure it out" he promised, pressing a shaky kiss to your hairline. Body shaking with silent sobs at your next words:

"What if I want to know?" Arms sliding fully around him, pulling him tight as you shifted to rest your forehead against his chest.

"Tell me every terrible thing you thing you've ever done, and let me love you anyway" you whispered, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt as he held you tightly against him.

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221 @bowtruckleninja @v1naco

[dizzemi]

hi! could you write something with a reader that's working at ada and they are always cheerful and happy and get along with dazai well, but one time they get sent to a mission (i just started the anime so i dont really know how things go, sorry!) and get badly injured so they are not as cheerful as before and dazai and others help them get better? it's my first time sending a request so sorry if I didn't explain well! feel free to change it up a bit! feel free to ignore this! take care!

ᰔᩚ Get well soon!

Summery: You've been healed up by Yosano but you still feel troubled from your recent assignment and the ada members are here to comfort you

Contains: Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida, Atsushi, Yosano X Reader

Tags: platonic but can be seen as romantic, reader has an ability but not specified, fluff, not proofread, grammar mistakes, oc probaly

Format: short Headcannons

Notes: I feel that some are too short than others and probaly out of character, I'm not good at writing words of comfort so yeah

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Dazai

You come back from Yosano's clinic all healed up and fresh

No evidence of the broken bones and cuts you had gained from your first ever dangerous assignment

You may have been patched up physically but emotionally you were still wrecked

Just staring quietly at your empty report as the scene of the fight kept replying in your head over and over again

You kept wondering "why didn't I use my ability properly?"

You were too busy to notice someone staring right at you

Dazai would instantly notice the change in your behavior

how you've become more quiet

not a single word coming out of your mouth as you looked lost in thought

he'd try to comfort you to the best of his abilities but comforting others isn't his forte

He would try to comfort you in a rather silly way

Telling you a silly joke or pulling an innocent prank involving flowers or something that you like

Doing some overly dramatic scheme just to see you smile :(

He doesn't know how to bring comfort in any other way

He would let you talk out your feelings but if you're expecting some comforting words, you will not get any

Because he doesn't know how to

But you will get a hug in the comfortable silence

Ranpo

Obviously he would know you we're clearly bothered by your recent assignment

Coming back with a practically broken body and nearly failing the case that could've cause devastation to others had turned you extremely quiet

He's more actions than words

Will share only a little bit of his sweets

he'll share as much as you want

he'll tell you that you did a good job and that you're still one of the best out there

nothing was your fault

expect the best hugs and him staying by your side as long as you need

Kunikida

When you return from your case and are properly healed there will be a scolding

but in a comforting way?

it comes from a place of heart

He understands this pain

would like to address your feelings

unlike Ranpo its words rather than actions

"one moment of weakness dosent define you. Mistakes will happen"

"We all stumble and fall down from time to time but it is these stumbles and falls which make us who we are"

"its not the end of the world"

trust him

he would know

Yosano

the one who brought you back from nearly being dead

You're feeling woozy on the bed of the clinic after

Physically you were fine but you still felt disturbed

Staring at the white ceiling of the room as replays of the same moment stay in your head

Yosano was in the room, hearing how silent the room instead of the usual chatter she would know that you were troubled

she would be the one to break the silence

Words of comfort and good advice

takes you out to go get your favorite food together

Atsushi

He is extremely worried about you

Checking up on you to see how you're doing

Seeing how upset you are makes him worry

“Hey, hey.. It’s okay… You didn’t know what was going to happen and it was your first case… Please don’t blame yourself..”

The best person who brings comfort

I don't know how to write that

He'd try to cheer you up any way he can

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

[guardian-angle22]

Happy to present to y'all this 911LS fic list for stories related to one of my favorite episodes 3.13 Riddle of the Sphynx! I try to make these as comprehensive as possible, so if you have any you think I missed, let me know so I can add them. (I also might make edits to these posts to add more fics as they get written. If I ever do so I'll be sure to reblog the post for visibility!)

Enjoy all of our amazing fandom writers and leave them some comments & love!

[Disclaimers: • If you're an author and don't like to be tagged or linked for any reason, let me know and I'll remove the tag and make sure not to do so in the future, no questions asked. • I usually post TWs in rec lists. Due to the episode subject matter, assume all of these have a TW for discussion of addiction/drug use and possibly discussion of parent death/grief.]

◆ Chasers by @carlos-in-glasses (Words: 13.4K; Rating: E)

After 3x13 – while TK is alone with Cooper, Carlos is alone with his thoughts. Both recall times they’ve chased the next high, other men, or each other. When Carlos arrives home, TK still has something important to say – and it's something he didn’t tell Cooper.

◆ trying my best by @reyescarlos (Words: 10.3K; Rating: M)

An exploration of TK's sobriety journey from 2017 to now. Or, a season 3 coda spanning 3x08-3x13

◆ You Showed me How it feels to Truly be Seen by @ramblingdisaster73 (Words: 3K; Rating: T)

Carlos works through the events of 3x13 "The Riddle of the Sphinx".

◆ Measure of a Man by @chicgeekgirl89 (Words: 1.8K; Rating: T)

“I want to be everything you need. That I can’t be, it hurts, T.K. It feels like a failure on my part. And as much as I’m trying to accept it, it’s hard.” A 3x13 coda in which Carlos struggles with a new definition of being "enough."

◆ I'll be here all the same by @strandnreyes (Words: 4.8K; Rating: G)

“I am glad you have someone you can talk to who can maybe do a better job at fixing things,” Carlos insists before dropping his eyes to their tangled together fingers. “All I want is for you to be okay.”It’s not surprising to hear, but it hits as if it was. That really is the root of this whole thing. As much as Carlos wants to do what he can to be the person to get TK to that place, at the end of the day all he really wants is for TK to get there.“I will be.”Or, three late night conversations following the events of 3.13

◆ Trigger by comes2gusu (Words: 4.7K; Rating: T)

TK is struggling with his newly found sobriety. After being triggered at an NA meeting, Cooper takes TK for omelets

◆ this love we carry by @thevenstar (Words: 7.6K; Rating: T)

A 3x13 coda in which Carlos has a conversation with a friend, puts his heart to rest, and learns that walking away does not mean surrender.

◆ Those Pieces by @taralaurel (Words: 7.3K; Rating: M)

"I, I'm not telling you all - this - so you can fix me," TK huffs a hot breath against Carlos' chin, "or save me or really, do anything, okay?" Carlos nods against TK's forehead. TK has done a lot of things in his life to deserve the bad that has happened to him. He has no idea what good he's done to deserve Carlos. Coda to 3x13

◆ the one i want by @chaotictarlos (Words: 2K; Rating: E)

TK gets Carlos to take his shirt off.

◆ i want you to unravel me by @reyescarlos (Words: 4.2K; Rating: E)

In the aftermath of the strain that's fallen over them, TK and Carlos bridge the gap with open conversation that brings them closer together, both emotionally and physically. [3x13 coda]

◆ Just Wanna Breathe by @theoceanismyinkwell (Words: 1.9K; Rating: G)

Carlos doesn’t dare look at him for long, knowing that his eyes have always been the window to his soul, the weakest part of his body, unveiling everything in the well of truths he’s kept a lid on for years and years. His family may not be able to read him as well as he feared for the decades he was in the closet, but TK has a way of crashing into his life with a formidable gentleness and a piercing understanding that unmoors him in every possible way.And that’s precisely what TK is doing now, keeping the warmth of his palms flush against the beating of Carlos’ skin, cradling his face, forcing them both to gaze into each other’s eyes and face each other’s unspoken terrors without flinching.TK sounds like he has a lump in his throat. “I’m going to say something, and I want you to listen to me and I want you to remember it.”---Or: What happens when Carlos comes back home after TK's talk with Cooper, and the confessions that spill out after.

◆ waiting on the sidelines by @morganaspendragonss (Words: 1.5K; Rating: T)

They’d promised each other no more secrets, and while Carlos rationally knows that these aren’t exactly secrets, there’s still this grain of resentment inside of him that scratches away with every beat of his heart. It’s something he can’t let show in front of TK ever again, which is why he’s here, outside Owen's house while TK and Cooper talk in the loft.If anyone’s going to understand what he’s feeling, it’s Owen Strand.

◆ Three Weeks In by @masterroadtripper (Words: 3K; Rating: T; TW: self-harm)

It’d been three weeks since Sadie had drugged them - nineteen days since TK started a ninety-day NA sobriety program at the local Synagogue and eleven days since Carlos had met Cooper for the first time - before Carlos realized that there was something else TK wasn’t telling him.

◆ What We Need by Ehm (Words: 3.1K; Rating: T)

"You okay, bud?" Cooper startled him out of his thoughts and he let go of the spoon with a clinking noise. He straightened up, embarrassed. "Sorry, I zoned out." "I can see that," Cooper sounded vaguely amused. "You wanna talk about it?" --- Three times TK has a conversation with Cooper, and one time he talks to Carlos. Or, 3x13 and beyond from TK's point of view.

◆ Nocturne by @sanctuaryforalluniverses (Words: 735; Rating: T)

Carlos comes home. (Post-ep for 3x13)

◆ Precious Love by @rmd-writes (Words: 11.6K; Rating: M)

This is five times TK thinks he doesn’t deserve love and one time he knows he does – an exploration of TK’s relationship with love and self-worth.

◆ Inside a snow globe by @goodways (Words: 6.9K; Rating: E)

It isn’t until TK is on top, lavishing Carlos’ neck, stroking his hand up his side, that Carlos brings their faces together, barely a suggestion of a kiss between them. He holds TK’s jaw and keeps him close whilst he readies the question in his mind. He breathes out a straightforward and tempting, “fuck me,” over TK’s lips which silences the world outside their bedroom. TK’s response whenever he’s asked for this has few variations between immediate enthusiastic compliancy and the sweet reassurance he knows Carlos is dying for. The answer is always yes. - The evening after TK gets his one month sobriety chip.

◆ my home has been your heart since the day i met you by @lavendergiroux (Words: 1.8K; Rating: M)

After Carlos leaves Cooper and TK to talk, all they do is talk about him. When Carlos comes home - they are still talking about him.

◆ Deep Talks and Cuddles by raniaswritings (Words: 1.2K; Rating: T)

TK talks to Cooper and Carlos comes back home after a few hours

◆ “What are you doing?” “I don’t want you to do that.” by @irispurpurea (Words: 1.1K; Rating: T)

Fictober 2022 Day 13 and 14. Prompts: “What are you doing?” “I don’t want you to do that.” “What are you doing?” Carlos looks up to find TK frowning at him from their bedroom. “I…” Carlos holds up the blanket in his hands, unsure what else to say. He thinks it’s pretty obvious what he’s doing. Then again, tonight has proven that he can’t do anything right, apparently, when it comes to TK.

◆ "It's your shirt..." by @lavendergiroux (Words: 780; Rating: M)

TK really didn't want to talk about it, he just really needed Carlos to claim him...

◆ sunkissed face by mooshkat (Words: 1K; Rating: T)

To show his appreciation, TK decides to make Carlos breakfast.

Spec Fics Written Prior to the Episode Airing/Canon Convergence:

◆ if the darkness comes, i'll stay by @doublel27 (Words: 3.2K; Rating: T)

“I had some things to do,” TK says, his stomach twisting. “Some things?” “Carlos, I texted,” TK reminds his boyfriend, because he did. “It’s fine.” “Is it?” Carlos asks, his voice dangerously calm. or TK comes home late for the third night in one week, and he and Carlos have a necessary confrontation. A speculative fic for 3x13.

◆ Caught by @littlemissmarianna (Words: 761; Rating: G)

“Who’s that?” Carlos doesn’t answer Mitchell’s question because he doesn’t know. There’s only a handful of people he can identify from the back, and this guy isn’t on the list. He has broad shoulders, though, and nice hair and is probably good-looking. Why else would TK be staring at him so intently?

◆ In Order to Get Back to Us by reyestrand (Words: 2.2K; Rating: G)

Carlos waits up for TK when he’s late coming home and they talk about the things they’re afraid to. - a 3x13 speculation fic

◆ still comparing your past to my future by @kiras-sunshine (Words: 17.4K; Rating: T)

Something else than the wallowing feeling of uneasiness, anxiety and hurt in the bottom of his stomach. All of it seems to have a chokehold on his heart and no matter what he tries to think about, his thoughts always go back to TK, to worry that keeps mixing in with everything, and the brightness of TK’s smile, the way the corner of his mouth curled up and his eyes shone, when he smiled at someone else than him.

[glorified-red]

Damian Wayne SFW Headcanons

word count: 2,300~

warnings: none

Today is officially my first day at school in person after 2 years, I'm officially at Big Boy College, boyos. I am posting this during my Phonetics class which tracks for me.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Damian is incredibly loyal and affectionate to those he loves, it just may not be very traditional ways of showing it. He shows his affection through Acts of Service the most: cooking for you, folding your clothes, driving you places, etc. He likes to feel useful and know that his actions are making your life easier. Deeper into the relationship you’ll start to see the physical affection grow steadily: letting you fall asleep on him, holding your hand in the car, wrapping his jacket around you, etc. 

B = Beginning (How would the relationship start?)

Most likely from school. You two met and slowly became close friends. A relationship with Damian takes time, so school is the perfect place for you two to steadily grow beside each other until you become inseparable. Outside of school, you two could meet at coffee shops, art shows and galleries, and dog parks. Bumping into each other frequently is enough to catch Damians eye.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Damian will deny it until his dying breath, but he adores cuddles. He loves to lay on his back and let you snuggle into him, he’ll patiently wait until you let out a sigh and fully melt into him so he can place his hand on your head softly. He radiates heat so he is an amazing cuddler in the harsh Gotham winters.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) 

Settling down was never even a thing Damian considered until a few years flew by and suddenly Damian wanted to go grocery shopping with you, he wanted to come home to you singing in the kitchen—he wanted a home with you. He finally found a person who made home seem possible, it just took a few years for him to realize it. He is a god at cooking and cleaning so you will never have to worry about the house being unclean. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Damian would be very straight to the point with you. If he doesn’t think it's working out or the relationship is more of a hindrance for either of you, he’ll call it out. He’d be swift about it and you’ll probably have to remind him you need more closure than that. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Damian doesn’t enjoy being tethered to someone permanently, he hates feeling like his individuality is being erased. He’d much rather give you a promise ring more than anything. It's a way to symbolize he’ll always want a future with you and beside you, and a thank you for your patience with him. Marriage seems so far away for him because of the way his life is, but his promise to you is just as endless as any legal documents.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He can be brash and blunt in nature but he’s slowly unlearning it from his family and friends. He’s gaining more emotional maturity with each moment so when you two get together, he’s more than ready. His work can be rough and brutal, but he leaves it all behind the second he sees you, you always manage to smooth out all his hard edges simply because he wants to better for you. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Despite Damian being a major cuddler, he’s not big on hugs. But ever so rarely, he’ll hold you so tight it was like he was made for hugging. His hugs are usually after a close call or a long mission whenever he’s reminded that the time in the world is finite. He’ll hold you when he’s afraid to lose you, and those hugs are so precious. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Very slow. It takes him ages to realize that the feelings he has for you are love and not adoration or curiosity. He’ll care for you so deeply but the word “love” is so foreign, he barely even knows it. When he does realize it, he’ll say other words that mean the same thing to him: beloved, habibti, or nip at you. He’ll show his love so much that when he says “I love you” for the first time, it’s just another layer of his love. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Damian can get very jealous and very territorial very quickly. He’s competitive by nature, so if someone swoops in, he sees it as a threat to his place and therefore a challenge. When he gets jealous he’ll seem more arrogant than usual, he’ll boost just a bit more, puff up his chest a little more than normal, and butt heads with whoever is the source of that jealousy until his place is secure again. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses with Damian develop over time as he learns what makes you tick. He tries to lead as much as he can but eventually he finds more fun in reacting to you so he can get better. Most often, his kisses are quick and short on your forehead, top of your head, cheek, etc. He likes to save mouth kisses to make the best of them, because once he gets a taste of you, it's hard to not want more. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

As most of the Batfam, Damian needs to be good with children as he works with survivors constantly. He’s able to keep them entertained and calm them down swiftly . . .  but that doesn’t mean he likes them. He hates kids most of the time because they’re immature and idiotic, they barely have any function aside from annoyance. Yet somehow, kids swarm to him. So he’s wonderful with kids, but he will shoot you a pleading look while he’s being used as a jungle gym. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Damian is a very early riser. He enjoys waking up with the sun and starting his morning routines to wake up his mind and body. If you join him, mornings are quiet and blissful. Yoga, soft ambiance music, and a soft smell of breakfast being cooked. The first words of the day are spoken silently through touch and acts, all to say good morning. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Damian are rare as he usually spends them on patrol. He tries to give you a goodnight kiss before he leaves and silently returns in the night so you wake up in his arms. Sometimes neither happens and you’re awoken to the sounds of a hurt bird, others he doesn’t return until sunlight is already shining. But rest assured, he’ll always make it up to you. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

As with most things with Damian, he takes his time opening up. He’s in no rush, everything will happen with time. So he reveals small stories here and there, stories about his childhood or his future, slowly revealing what makes him, him. When a story is told, there are more layers that will be unraveled in a few moments, never being revealed all at once. Damian is a puzzle, but he’s fascinating to figure out. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It truly depends. When someone is new or learning, Damian’s patience is unfathomable, especially with those he cares for. With you, his patience is endless. With others that he puts to a high standard or people who should know what they’re doing, he’s very quick to be angered by their incompetence. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Damian tries to remember as much as he can about you. He remembers the most important parts of you, from your ambitions to your creation, he knows you like the back of his hand. But man, he can not remember for the life of him what the difference is between your favorite shoes or your favorite jackets, they’re just functional to him—“So why do you need so many for different occasions when they serve the same function?”

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The moment Damian realized you didn’t view him as anything other than himself. He wasn’t a monster in your eyes, he wasn’t a byproduct of those who came before him, he was just that, himself. He revealed his deepest wounds to you and you never viewed him differently. That was his favorite moment, when you looked into his green eyes and saw emeralds instead of a lineage. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Damian is the most protective person you will ever meet. He is fiercely loyal and protective of those he cares about and that means you. He would happily burn the world down if it meant you remained unscathed. On patrols, he fights enemies with the reminder that with each one that’s put away, the more safe you are. However, he is competent enough to protect himself, he doesn’t need any protection—but reminding him you’re there after a long patrol is more than enough security for him. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Damian is insufferably good at planning dates and gifts, not because he’s experienced, but because he’s surrounded by hopeless romantics that rubbed off on him. Now he’s naturally a romantic. He doesn’t even have to try or think too hard, he’ll just always manage to leave you breathless. Art dates, museum walks, handmade gifts, and romantic gestures, he does them without even thinking because he simply wants to share his world with you—and that is truly romantic. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He speaks before he thinks a lot. His entire life has been trained on instincts: act now, ask questions later, don’t think just do, etc. So sometimes his mouth speaks faster than his brain does and he can say some harmful things when he’s worked up. It’s rare he ever gets that worked up with you but when he hears what comes out of his mouth, he’s quick to take a step away from you to calm down. But that usually means him storming off until he’s calm enough to talk to you. He hates that he has to do this, but he’d rather wait and talk to you with respect then keep talking with ferocity. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Most of the time he genuinely does not care, looks have never been detrimental to his lifestyle so why should he care how other people view him? But when he’s representing his family at a gala or being photographed, or even going on a date with you, he is incredibly nitpicky with his appearance. He cares what his family and you think about his appearance because he values your opinion, so he’ll trap himself in the bathroom for hours preparing. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Nope. In the nicest way possible, no. Damian prides himself on his independence and self-reliance, that doesn’t change when he falls in love with you. The best part of your relationship is that you two are whole individuals who chose to spend their lives building something together that doesn’t erase what you have already. You compliment each other so well because of this. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He bounces into different languages sometimes. From Arabic to the language of the League, he slips into his natural tongues whenever he gets really angry or really sleepy. The first time you witnessed it was during a fight with one of his brothers. Suddenly they were both shouting in a language you didn’t quite understand. Another time was while Damian was half asleep and he started mumbling something to you in Arabic, you didn’t catch much, but the words of endearment weren’t terribly foreign to you. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

A partner who needs constant reassurance. Damian is more than happy to provide reassurance but he would like a mutual trust in the relationship that Damian loves you, even if he doesn't voice it. He needs someone who can understand Damian's language of love and find assurance in his actions. He also can’t reassure someone constantly when he has three separate lives to maintain as well as vigilante stress on top of that, he just doesn't have the time or energy. He needs someone who can be there through the chaos of his life and ground him. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Damian doesn’t snore but he does breathe deeply when he sleeps. His breaths are very slow and soft, if you try to follow them you’ll probably get a headache. When he wakes up you can’t even tell because he keeps his breathing pattern the same and slowly brings it to his normal pace. He does it without thinking but it’s a byproduct of his training so as to not alert anyone he’s awake.

Taglist ♡

@anothertimdrakestan

@cherry-dropp

@missredrobin

[verysium]

ive always imagined mrs itoshi to be a really energetic woman. you know those middle aged women that are just so youthful, you can feel her energy and aura when she's in the room. and she would definitely love saes gf. because sae has a personality totally opposite to hers but after committing to a relationship he learns a lot from you and you encourage him to to strengthen his family bonds. she would LOVE spending time with you, talk to you about fashion and gossip. she'd call you her daughter in lawww omg shut up i love her

🥲 *cries in heavily dysfunctional mommy issues* when will it finally be my turn to experience the kind and loving touch of a middle-aged woman? sae better treasure his mama or else i'm gonna steal her from him when he's not looking.

on a more realistic note, i do think mama itoshi would be the type of person who simply doesn't age. there is something irrevocably uplifting and youthful about her, and i think that has a lot to do with the adversity she's faced throughout her lifetime both as a woman and a mother. even though she's soft-spoken, she is firm and headstrong. definitely knows what she wants. she always tells sae that the strongest people are the ones who smile, no matter what life puts them through. (obviously, that lesson flew right over sae's head cus he looks perpetually depressed but whatever...)

i honestly don't think sae has a strong attachment with either parent, but he isn't averse to them either. it's the small things that you pick up about him. how he never lets anyone touch him but stays still when his mother to brush his bangs back. how he never buys those expensive lunch meals during practice because he prefers his mother's homemade bentos. how he doesn't like to show unnecessary emotion but cracks a small smile at his mama's kitchen antics.

idk if it's just me, but i also feel like his mother was the stricter of the two parents. both sae and rin were forced to become self-sufficient from a young age. walked themselves to practice. bought snacks with their own allowance. sae even took a train ride to tokyo by himself to find a representative agent. not saying their parents weren't supportive, but they definitely weren't a constant presence either.

i think what sae needs is time. time to process his youth and to reconcile with his family (both his parents and brother ofc). i feel like he went through a lot of parentification, and undoing that will require a lot of patience. this would probably happen in his late twenties to late thirties, once he's well-established or even retired from football. with so much time on his hands, he has nothing to do but reflect. emotionally mature sae will be very different from current sae.

mama itoshi does welcome you kindly. mostly because none of the itoshis ever fathomed sae getting involved with someone seriously. i just know she has good skincare, so you two probably have girls-only nights where you two do nothing except watch TV dramas and wear face masks. i don't think she's particularly physically affectionate, but she does show her love through cooking. always pinches your cheek fat and tells you that you aren't eating enough (typical asian parent thing to do lmao.) also cuts up random fruits and places it beside your desk lamp while you're working.

i feel like sae has a bit of a hard time coming to terms with the way you assimilate into his family. he already feels like a stranger in his own home, but when his mother treats you like her daughter-in-law, it really gets him thinking. can he be normal? is this what it's like to be normal? is it really okay to have this? long story short, he probably has to reason with himself for one thousand and one nights before he decides he's actually going to marry you.

[sneepseverus]

My Headcanons About Snape’s Sexuality

Warning: discussions about sex under the cut

The cool thing about Snape is that you can headcanon him to be of any sexual and romantic orientation. Even his love for Lily can be seen as platonic (which I do). I imagine Snape as bi and demisexual with little experience, but I also accept that other people may see him entirely differently, whether that's straight, gay, ace/aro, a total slut. It all works!

It’s hard to say why I think he’s bi. I know some people headcanon him as such because they are bi themselves or they like to imagine characters as bi/pan unless explicitly stated otherwise.

I think he has a preference for women simply because most (if not all) of the men in his life have, for the lack of a better term, sucked in one way or another. I can see him being part of the “I like men but hate them all” group if he lived in our times LOL.

If he did fall for a man, it would be an interesting experience for him, partially because he’s probably only ever learned about the dynamics of het relationships. I don’t think relationships come easy to him, so having to figure things out on his own would be stressful to say the least. With that said, at some point I don’t think he’d bother too much with labels like dom/sub, top/bottom, etc. In my mind, he’s a verse and switch, but again, I don’t know if he’d specifically label himself that way. With the right person, he can show all these different sides to him that he never knew he had.

Of course, being under the asexual umbrella doesn't inherently mean that one has a low libido, but I think Snape specifically does, at least before he finds someone to whom he's sexually attracted. In such case, his mind becomes occupied with sexual thoughts. At first, he doesn’t understand this new feeling and thinks something must be wrong with him. It starts to make more sense when he has vivid dreams of having sex with that person.

He doesn't give himself enough credit, though. He assumes that his lack of experience must mean he knows absolutely nothing about sex and that his first time will be terrible. He reads books about sex to learn about different positions, types of sex, the best way to make someone orgasm, etc.

After the first few times, he realizes that sex doesn't have to be a clear set of steps to follow; he learns to trust his intuition and begins to view it as a way to connect with his partner not only physically but also emotionally.

I believe he prefers to give than receive because he doesn’t like having the spotlight on him and he’s incredibly insecure about his body. He's also afraid of coming too quickly and embarrassing himself, making his lack of experience more obvious.

When he starts to become more comfortable receiving and having intercourse, he hides his face and covers his mouth (but little does he know that his expressions and moans are oh so sexy). You have to be patient, but he eventually becomes more comfortable being vulnerable and intimate.

When he’s in his dom mood, I imagine he's more of a service dom, concentrating on his partner's pleasure. However, he has his moments when he's rough and shoves, pushes, and holds his partner down while doing whatever he wants to them. One of his kinks is edging them for hours, making them beg and plead. He also heavily enjoys being called "sir," which brings out his cocky side (we love to see the "snirk" on his face.)

He can be completely submissive, though. He loves it when his partner demands things from him and grips his hair to control his movements. What he comes to learn, however, is that he has a huge praise kink. If you only have time for a quickie, all you have to do is be gentle and call him your good boy. Be careful, though; he will cry the first time you say that (possibly even every time.)

I tried to organize my thoughts the best I could, but I still feel like this is all over the place. I have many more thoughts, but I'm going to leave this here. I would love to hear yours, as well!

[mxmspeedster]

sfw alphabet with oscar piastri

mentions of male reader and toxic relationships but nothing graphic. and swearing, but your here so thats on you. fair warning, i'm mildly dyslectic but i had grammarly to help me this time so i should be better than the last one lmao.

auto correct saved my life on this one, i wrote in two hours listening to viva la vida but lofi on repeat.

a- affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

hugs !! my god does this boy love to hug you. his driver room? hugs. middle of a flight? he will hug you. cooking? back hugs. he will do anything for a hug. he also loves to give you small, everyday things that remind him of you. he sees a flower shop with your favorites in the window, he’ll by them for you. soft toy of your favorite animal? he’ll get one, put a little bow on it and gift it to you. he would so give you a little ring with ‘81’ on the inside, if you played a sport/raced he would have a matching one with your number in it. and if you didn’t, he would put your initials. vv sweet baby.

b- best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

he would drag you to his house to watch every single race when you were kids. you’d be forced to sit next to each other in the seating plan and became fast friends, especially if you’re good at math, (why do you think i have so many friends?) he would miss a lot for racing so you’d take extra notes for him so he would buy you a little trinket at every race, and you’d put them all on a shelf. (your parents had to take you to IKEA and get new shelves, just for the trinkets.)

c- cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

little spoon. even better if you’re taller than him. if you disagree, you can talk to the rock wall as i climb it. (i’m a rock climber btw, this isn’t meant to be a joke)

d- domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

he cooks and bakes a lot. (in Australia, you have a class (i had to take if for two years but that varies) on cooking, he would thrive there). he would do all the cooking because he loves it so much, so you would always clean up to share the work load. he would so want to by a little cozy house, maybe on a hobby farm, and adopt kids with you. you would take in sibling sets so they wouldn’t get separated in the system. i can see him doing that later in his career (after he wins a WDC maybe), and he would be a stay at home (working form home) dad for your little family (of like 10 kids across four adoptions and a surrogacy) while you worked full time.

e- ending (if they break up with their partner, how do they do it?)

he would let them down gently. he wouldn’t break up with someone for no reason, so if it was out of his control, he would by flowers and do it somewhere privet but with no real sentimental value to anyone. he’d cry doing it too. but like i said, unless they cheated of him, bby wouldn’t break up with anyone, ever. it probably meant he had a toxic high school relationship that one of his sisters had to get him out of because he didn’t want to make anyone upset :(

f- fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they be to get married?)

if he won an aus gp he would so take you out to dinner at his favorite place (he looks like the kinda guy to take you grilld at any and every opportunity) and propose to you at a park with ice cream afterwards. i think he would have no problem settling down. it’d give him some peace of mind that he always had someone in his corner to go home to after a bad race or stressful day.

g- gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he would treat you like glass, even if you could kill him with your bare hands, he’d still be so so so gentle with you. he’d always ask you how you’re feeling, and would tilt his head while listen to you talk about your emotions. the king of communication. 100%.

h- hugs (do they like hugs? what are their hugs like?)

he loves hugs. i will not be elaborating. (especially if you lay on top of him, he loves it, it makes him feel so safe.)

i- i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

depends on how long he’s known you. if you met as kids, he’d probably say it to you before you got together (in a platonic way.) but otherwise he’d wait until you said it to him.

j- jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

he gets jelous so easlity, but he wouldn’t show it. if someone was flirting with you, he’d go all quite and moody as he holds your hand tighter or hugs your waist. he won’t outwardly do anything to anyone because he trusts you so much, he knows you would never do anything.

k- kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

he loves to kiss you. he would kiss your cheek then blush and run away. if you had tattoos, he would so kiss them. if you kissed him, anywhere, he would melt into a pile of goo and mark would have to stop him spacing out every five minutes for the rest of the day.

l- little ones (how are they around children?)

he loves children. did you see him with the grid kids at the aus gp? he didn’t look like he stepped on lego for once. if you had to baby sit a small child (between 4yo and 10yo) he is so coming with you. he’d probably enjoy the toys/shows you give to the kid than the actual kid.

m- morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

if you had a whole day off, you would just never leave the bed. he’s be so cuddly and soft. if you try moving before 10 am he would complain that it’s too cold without you. then you’d make breakfast and eat on the balcony/porch together. until lando or logan comes over unannounced and insist that you all play a video game.

n- night (how are nights spent with them?)

so so so soft. he goes to bed a 7 pm on the dot every day. the golden light from the setting sun would be so cute. he’d look like a teddy bear. he’d also insist that he childhood toy would sleep with you guys.

o- open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything at one or wait a white to reveal things slowly? )

he’d be so mysterious and would suddenly drop lore like he’s a dad or something. you wouldn’t know anything for months, then you suddenly know his favorite flower is a daisy and he once had to go the hospital because he ate a dandelion. then you have to wait months for any new information.

p- patience (how easily angered are they?)

he is a saint. unless your lando, logan or fredrik, then he is perpetually annoyed at you. if you had a disability (both visible or invisible) he’d be so so patient with you if you were slower to get somewhere/do something/understand him. and if you spoke a different language, he’d learn it in secret so you could talk. he’d probably be more comfortable talking in your native language than in english, he gives me the vibes of “i don’t like speaking English to people i’m close to, it doesn’t feel special enough for them.”

q- quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

he would remember every little detail you ever tell him ever. your favorite pen brand you mentioned as you walked though officeworks or your Favorite teacher from when you were 5. he will remember everything. until you ask him, then he forgets his own name.

r- remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

when you brought him flowers for the first time when he was still in f3. you brought them for him when you went on your first in person date since covid started and he took them home and pressed them so he could put them in a frame and keep them forever. he’d set the photo of you two from that date as his wallpaper and would always show it to people like “look at my man :D”

s- security (how protective are they? how would they protect you?)

he would wrap himself around you entirely when he wants to protect you but he also cried when he almost killed a spider so i don’t think he’d be capable of anything else.

t- try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts everyday tasks?)

he puts so much effort it making things special for you were ever he can but it’s all or nothing. it’s either pizza on the living room floor with a shitty film, or the most expensive wine he could find with a home cooked, three course meal on a balcony in Paris. he’d always make is special for you, but it depends on his mood and what he can do.

u- ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he’d bite your fingers if you put them too close to his mouth. he’d get the overwhelming sense of love and would bite your fingers to keep your hands on him or at least close to him because he would cry otherwise. this wouldn’t be a problem for you if it weren't for the fact he has sharp teeth and a strong jaw.

v- vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

he does not care. he does not give two fucks about how he looks. until it’s a fancy date, then he cares. he’d learn how to do eyeliner so he’d look extra good for you. (him in eyeliner, i’d pay money to see that)

w- whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

absolutely. he would cry every night he couldn’t be with you or call/talk to/see you. he would take your clothes so he could feel even just a little but closer to you.

x- xtra (a random headcanon for them)

he’d call you ducky. no reason for it. he just called you that one day and never stopped.

y- yuck (what are somethings they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

he wouldn’t want someone who would always one up him or treat him like a baby. he also wouldn’t want someone who always did all the cooking and cleaning while he just did nothing. he’d probably cry if the work load wasn’t split evenly.

z- zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs)

he’d take all the blankets. even in an aussie summer, he insists on sleeping with three blankets and you’ll always wake up at 3am with no blankets and again at 6am with him (and all the blankets) on top of you.

[imgeekgirlfan]

el paraiso de las pandillas.

Pairings: Pacho Herrera(Narcos : TV Series)x f!reader

Warnings: Guns,Blood(a lot of blood)

Synopsis: Y/N  are an ordinary woman who has lived a peaceful life in Colombia for two years, until one day a man appeared at your door covered in blood.

AN: I'm not a native English and I'm not good at English, but I hope you can understand what I'm writing. enjoy <3

Next Chapter

Part One :

Throughout her life, she had never made a mistake, not even once, until today.

Amid the debris and wreckage inside the restaurant that surrounded her, hot smoke from gunfire and the smell of death filled the air. She gasped for air, feeling more adrenaline than she had ever experienced before. She placed the gun in her hand forcefully onto the ground with a loud clatter. She raised her hands to cup her own face, realizing the enormity of the mistake she had just made.  

How can it go wrong? She wondered.

In that moment, the young woman lifted her head and caught the gaze of another person standing not far away. A tall, well-dressed man from a famous brand who usually looked luxurious and handsome every time she saw him, except this time, his condition wasn't much different from hers. He was staring at her with wide-open eyes, but what emotion was it? Surprise? Shock? Or impressed? It was hard to tell.

In that moment, She understood deeply,

Pacho Herrera that hijo de puta, was her mistake in life.

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Whenever someone here knows that you come from the United States, they always start with the same question: "Why did you move to Colombia?"

And your answer is always the same: "Because I can do so many good things here that I can't do in America."

Your story is simple, just a backpacking girl from the free world who accidentally fell in love with the beauty hidden in this country and decided to settle here. in a small, cheap rented house near the city, and support yourself by working as a high school teacher and volunteering as a community health worker every Saturday and Sunday.

Life during the two years in Colombia was mostly simple and peaceful. The only serious problem you encountered was dealing with underprivileged children in the classroom. There were those who were accustomed to bullying as a routine, girls who worked as prostitutes as a side job, and kid who sold drugs for money. This made it physically and emotionally challenging for you to be a good teacher to these kids.

You visiting the students homes to talk directly with their parents about the issues that arose. You found that, in general, each student was not inherently bad, but due to the societal circumstances of poverty, family institutions, and the country's chronic drug addiction problem, they had no other choice but to fall into such unfortunate circumstances.

Because you grew up in a relatively difficult family, burdened with deep-seated emotional scars, you was determined to provide your students with a better education and a brighter future, far from the troubles you had experienced. You genuine efforts paid off when your students accepted you as both a teacher and a close friend, and began to exhibit better behavior than before, which surprised everyone with the changes that the American girl had brought here.

Your good attitude, as a teacher and nurse who dedicated to helping the less fortunate, was accompanied by a striking appearance with fair skin and bright blonde hair that made you stand out from the locals. Soon, everything about you, including you looks and reputation, became well-known to everyone in the community.

That was what had happened to your life in the past two years, before everything was turned upside down when you entering the third year

And this story began with the sound of a gun.

It all started when you met him, on the day of the first gunshot that rang out in front of your own house.

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Neighborhoods with affordable housing often come with problems. Despite this, it's the only place where you can afford to live, even if you have to deal with unreliable neighbors and noisy drunks every weekend. But everything changes when gunshots ring out on a Saturday evening. The loud noise makes your heart almost stop, and you don't know what's happening outside.

You're too scared to move from behind the sofa in your room. Your blood runs cold, and you feel like death is creeping up on you.

They say that when death is near, people often think about their past. That may be true because you're thinking about all the terrible things that have happened in your life. For a moment, you think you hear your mother's screaming voice, who died a long time ago. But when you listen carefully, you realize it's not your mother's voice, but someone else's voice asking for help from outside your room.

It's probably the dumbest decision you've ever made in your life to open the door to help a stranger. You know that the best thing to do right now is to sit still and pretend like nothing is happening until it's all over. But every minute that passes by slowly, you can't help but think about the voice asking for help outside your door.

It was just a moment of weakness, the only moment you agreed to open the door for someone to come in. He rushed in quickly and almost fell onto the carpet in the room if you hadn't grabbed his other arm first.

You found that he was a tall, handsome man with a mustache and slightly tousled hair. A moaning sound kept coming out of his mouth and the blood flowing from his abdomen let you know that he was seriously injured and if you didn't do anything, he could die right there.

It was fortunate that you were a volunteer nurse. You quickly dragged him onto the sofa before searching for first aid supplies that you could find at that time. You accidentally took a deep breath when you had to take off his shirt, and saw his bare body covered in blood. His face didn't look good at all, but he still had enough strength to talk to you.

"Thank you for opening the door."

You don't answer him. In reality, you didn't trust him, but his injury is the most important thing you need to pay attention to right now.

You tried your best to keep your hands as still as possible as the sharp tip of the knife entered the wound to extract the bullet. It was a fresh surgical procedure without any painkillers, and it was amazing that this man could endure it without screaming or groaning, even though there were occasional curse words coming out.

The three bullets have penetrated different parts of the body, but luckily none of them have hit any vital organs. You safely removed all the bullets and threw them on the table before starting to sew up the wound. You raised your head and observed him for a while to check if he was still alive, and every time you looked at him, he always looked back at you as if he never missed a beat with all your actions.

"You are very good at stitching wounds," he said.

'I'm a volunteer nurse,' you finally answered him, but you still remained guarded and tense, which was noticeable to him because he laughed softly.

"I've never seen a blonde woman in Colombia before," the man continued to try to strike up a conversation. "Where are you from, America?"

"Yes, but actually my mother is Argentinean," you replied.

"My mother is also from Argentina," he nodded slowly, his expression unchanged. "Normally I don't like gringos very much, but I'll make an exception for you."

His words sounded playful, and he still didn't take his eyes off you once. As you pick up the sanitary napkin that you bought and use it to soak up the blood from his wound. and trying not to stare at the gun tucked into his pants.

At this point, you began to worry more and more.

The man with the gun had only two options: the police or the bad guys.

And you have absolutely no idea who you are saving the life of?

"Are you scared?" he asked.

You flinched at his question, feeling like he could read your mind. Your breath trembled as you saw his large hand touch the gun. At this point, you regretted your decision to open the door for him without thinking. You were a lone woman with nothing but a kitchen knife, while he can blow your brains out whenever he wants to.

Even though you didn't know who he was,you stared into his dark brown eyes, begging him:

"I promise I won't say anything. No matter what anyone asks me, okay?"

His facial expression looked surprising, as if he wasn't ready or didn't expect to hear a begged from you. For a moment, it seemed like he was thinking about something that you couldn't possibly know, but it wasn't long before he turned his attention back to you.

"I promise I won't do anything to you, and I won't let anyone else do anything to you," he replied with a chuckle in his throat. A faint smile appeared on his pale face.

"Just know that a Colombian man keeps his promises for life,"

You weren't sure if his words were true or not but your intuition whispered to you to trust him. No matter what promises he gives, he will definitely do as he says.

[ducknewtonscoolhat]

I've been inspired to talk about ducknerva again. People have been reblogging my other post about them and now it's got me thinking about them frfr

Uhhh so I'd like to first start off with I am, and you can fight me on this, the #1 Ducknerva fan and I will support them till the day I die :D

Anyways

So Ducknerva is so special, in my opinion, I think that their relationship is so incredibly strong, stronger than people seem to realize. Like they, I think, are up there next to Lup and Barry, and if you know me (which y'all don't know my Balance opinions LMAO) you will know that I fucking LOVE blupjeans. On my main account, I'm planning on doing this whole big post about them but anyway, I think that Ducknerva and Blupjeans are on such a similar level with how strong they are, with the connection that these characters have. They had so much time to fall in love and they did, but the difference with Ducknerva is they didn't fall in love until a lot later, until Duck had experienced so much and Minerva was there to witness. She has been by his side, supporting him, wanting him to be more than he thought he could be, and refusing to give up on him. Sure, some can say she was really pushy with him, and she was, but she had good in her heart with these actions and for the most part only good seemed to come out of it. Of course some of the consequences of this, the bad of Amnesty, you can't avoid. This world isn't perfect and I think Duck and Minerva know that best. They know this better than most. I think Ned and Mama experienced the hate and the worst parts of the world, Ned even being a part of them at some point, but these two witnessed so much, even if they weren't directly apart. With their visions, with the pressure that they were given, and not just Duck but Minerva too, they were given the world to protect, both Earth and Minerva's world, even though it was destroyed, and had to deal with the idea of it ending if it wasn't for their efforts. And they worked together, building one another up and helping each other out to be better than who they were. We know that Duck wasn't all that enthusiastic with this whole chosen one thing, especially not after seeing friends get hurt and risking his life, I'm sure, but even after all this, Minerva stuck by him, kept training him and hyping him up even if they were worlds apart. She didn't leave him for a moment until she was forced to. They make each other stronger, so much stronger than they ever thought they could be, and definitely stronger than Duck thought he could be, and conquered so much. When seeing her for the first time the words 'It's so fucking good to see you,' said by Duck really just shows not only the amount that he confides in her but also just the relief to finally be able to be in her presence. I think before it all, maybe the following months before shit really went down, Duck had this feeling in his chest but never connected it to love when it came to Minerva. He kept it down, to himself, and when she was gone it kinda hurt not to have this pillar of hope and strength that he always had. So when he saw her for the first time, he just melted into the puddle of love, falling for her. They are both incredible warriors and they strengthen one another, and even after all was said and done, they just kept building one another up, kept making each other stronger and stronger, both emotionally and physically. I can imagine even after everything, Minerva made sure to keep Duck in shape. They made each other happy, they were all each other knew for so long. Like I think in some of Duck's darkest places, Minerva was there in her spiritual form to give him some sort of words of encouragement and while Duck really didn't know what to make of all of this, from some sort of ghost that kept following him around all the time, it was still nice to have those words when it seemed no one else would give them to him.

After they moved to the Amazon, and even before, they kept each other happy, active, and moving towards the goals that they had together. Once they did move though, with Juno by their side as well, I think that Duck had a really hard time with that change at first. He missed Aubrey, someone he saw as a sister, and not only that but he missed his actual sister. He missed Mama and he missed Indrid and he missed Barclay, all of them, he missed his hometown and friends. He wanted to do something more, something different, something bigger to impact the world, even more than he had (which is hard after basically saving the world from destruction), but he still had to deal with what I can imagine being some of the hardest struggles for him, and it's changing. But Minerva was right there by his side, keeping him steady, keeping him ready for everything that the world and this new life had to throw at him. Luckily for him, there was always a way to get back to his home, to see his friends again, and in the near future, there would be much easier ways of communication, even in the national quiet zone.

Anyways, they're just such a strong couple. They love each other and they love doing everything together. I can imagine that leaving each other's sides isn't something they do often, but when they are apart, they reunite as if they were apart for much longer. At least this is how Minerva does it. She's always over the top when it comes to seeing Duck after not seeing him for a lil while.

They love and care about each other so much.

[losingfayth]

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

"oh, wow, good for you. what a unique experience. i've never heard that before."

okay, yes, fair, but also, like... i wasn't really "in love" with her while we were dating. we only dated for a few months, and we threw the terms around, but it was more wishful thinking than anything else. when we broke up, though, i didn't get over her. then, as time went on...

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

i wasn't sure about it at first. after all, we both recognize that we have some sort of special connection with each other. i've felt the connection with one or two others in the past as well. i was hesitant to say "love." maybe my therapist's phrase "hung up on" is more accurate. but then, last night, i was reading (a book she suggested) and looked up to the empty spot beside me on the sofa. i imagined her sitting there, also enveloped in some novel, taking a second when she saw i was looking at her, and flashing me the big, goofy smile she does when she wants to say "i'm having a nice time but i don't genuinely feel like smiling, so imma do a goofy one so you know i'm having a nice time." it's more like baring her teeth than a smile, really. all mouth, no eyes. kinda like that emoji. it's adorable.

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

this, of course, presents some problems. after all, we are each others' ex-girlfriend for a reason. the most prominent reason being that, while neither of us felt a strong romantic love for each other during the course of our relationship, she was in love with someone. that someone being her ex-boyfriend. that's all well and good (well, not really) but she refused to break contact with said ex. she was intending on spending time with that ex in person. i set a boundary. she broke it off. she stayed with him and his family over the holiday.

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

i am so incredibly fucked

even just thinking about it now is getting me so incredibly worked up. i'm having actual physical reactions to the thoughts. i can feel the discomfort travel through my spine, into my neck, down my arms. this ex of hers became her ex because he, very suddenly, started treating her very badly. emotionally and verbally abusing her, primarily. we started dating almost immediately after the two of them broke up. i knew it was a stupid idea. of course i did. but have you ever felt that electricity with somebody? have you ever had new life breathed into you with every word from their lips? i'd had crushes before. i'd had crushes on friends before. but this girl... she lit a fire in me when i never even knew i could burn.

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

i am so incredibly fucked

we decided to move forward as friends. i told her i would stop lying to her to make her feel better (something i was in the habit of). of course now i can't really be honest, can i? i can't very well waltz up to her and say, "not only have i not gotten over you, but i'm in love with you!" it's a lie by omission, sure, but it's still a lie. i did tell her she had to start treating me like her ex-girlfriend and not just a friend. i told her i didn't want to hear about her dating life and i most certainly didn't want to hear about her ex. now i'm stuck in this limbo. is she seeing anyone else? is she seeing him again? i think it's somewhat obvious that i still have feelings for her, between the demand not to hear about her dating life and the numerous declarations of "i've missed you so much" when we talked for the first time in a while last weekend. granted, i was going through a lot in the rest of my life and she hasn't been the most present friend, so i expect she could assume i was just in a vulnerable place and glad for the company of somebody i trusted. because i do trust her. she's the one person i do trust, ironically. it's been a really, really rough few months, and she's been the only person to really try and see it through with me.

the only person i trust is my ex-girlfriend

i am so incredibly fucked

it is ironic because a few months ago she was the one person in my life who i didn't trust. but difficult times often show you who people truly are, and in my difficult time she revealed herself to be a treasure to me. my hero. my knight in shining armor. my weed smoking, english teaching, skyrim and animal crossing addicted knight in shining armor. also, very inconveniently, my ex-girlfriend. so what's a girl to do? well, according to my psychiatrist, my therapist, my classmate, and my coworker, i should cut her out of my life. it's not healthy to try and remain friends with her. she broke my heart and i'm not really in the best place right now if another heartbreak rears its ugly head. last week i had a full on breakdown, drinking alcohol for the first time in a year. the past few months have been peppered with me being a little too loosey goosey with the dosage of my anxiety meds, leading to at least one or two days i don't fully remember. not just for funsies, by the by, but because of genuinely horrid shit that i had to put up with, along with generally overworking myself as a junior in college with an internship and a job, desperate to make it our the door with my degree before i turn twenty-seven next year. i was really at the end of my rope. i was ready to be done. then my ex and i talked for the first time in a few weeks, and i realized that i'd fallen in love with her throughout all of this. what's more, at the end of my rope, with no other real friends, an abusive family, no joy in my life, no hope in the future, no faith in myself, a chilling thought came upon me.

my one reason to live is my ex-girlfriend.

i am so. incredibly. fucked.

so, what's the plan? how do i move forward from here? well, as far as she goes, we've made a commitment to try and talk at least once a week on video call (we live in different states and the drive is doable but not great). we've made plans to get together once her semester is over. we're going to a concert together in may and talked about going camping together. i'm really hoping that either my feelings fade or her feelings flourish during this time. i'm really, really hoping for the latter, but i don't have much control over that. i have been learning some songs on the guitar that i'm hoping to impress her with. i'm reading the book she recommended. i'm playing her favorite video game. i don't really have the strength of will to do anything for myself right now, so doing things for her is a good motivation for me to get out of my rut. i'm enjoying the book and the game on their own. i like learning the guitar. it's just that the depression has gripped me so severely of late that i lost all ability to do these types of things for me. so instead i'm doing them for her. at least for the time being.

i'm in love with my ex-girlfriend

some things are clearly getting to me more than they should. for example, the book she recommended was dedicated to someone with the same first name as her ex-boyfriend. the one she was (and possibly is) still in love with. i figure she didn't notice, or if she did, she didn't think about it, because why would she? it has nothing to do with the book. it's purely a coincidence. but i had to wait until the next day to start reading the book once i noticed. i obviously still have some things to work through. i'm trying to do that through writing, and after a long debate about if/where i should publish said writings, i decided on here on tumblr. tumblr is not my domain, by any means, but it has the long-form text post support that i'm looking for and is filled with other angsty, mentally-ill queers, so i'm in good company. one of those queers i know for a fact is my ex-girlfriend, but she blocked me here when we broke up and never remembered to unblock me. i'm sure she would if i mentioned it (yes, really), but i really don't want her to (not cope) because i can't stand the idea of stalking her social media for things to make me upset, nor can i stand the idea of her stumbling across my ravings and shooting me a message saying "hey, uh, i found your tumblr post..." i don't really want to know how she really feels towards me right now, because i have a strong feelings she's not feeling the same way as me.

she's not in love with her ex-girlfriend.

i am so incredibly fucked.

[max-nico]

Hey do you have any headcanons about how tails/sonic/knuckles/amy deal with stress or big emotions generally (sadness or anger) ?

Well, I can tell you not in a healthy way

Sonic

Repression.

Using his very horrible object permanence to his advantage. If he can't feel, see, or hear it, was there ever a problem in the first place?

He prefers to be happy so if he just never feels anything else there's no problem. Simple solution.

If anybody else is feeling anything but happy he is immediately on it. They're so important to him, so their emotions are important too. He loves them, and wants them to feel better

Ah too bad he doesn't feel the same about himself

Tails

Repression as well but he's worse at it, so I'll say dehumanization or compartmentalizing

He's the type of person to keep it all in until he explodes and everything comes crashing down.

He just really doesn't want to bother anyone, and he's so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't often get any breaks, whether physical or emotional.

I'm sure his friends try their best to help him, but there's not much they can do when he outright refuses. Sometimes they come to a compromise, but it rarely makes anybody happy

He probably likes to separate his feelings from a situation to be able to problem solve but always forgets to come back to his feelings later, so it all just. Piles up.

Knuckles

Not repression !!! But still not well !!!

He has a hard time processing his emotions or even identify what he's feeling unless it's anger. He tends to blow up immediately instead of letting stress stack up

Cannot emotionally regulate <- projecting

Tends to explode over small things but brush off big things

The king of always being overstimulated in every situation ever. His friends are so loud all the time, my brother don't get a break, of course he's irritable

Amy

I think Amy tries. She really does. I think that she tends to put her friends before herself which also ends up being.... Repression

But !! She does allow herself to cry in the comforts of her own home which is more I can say for the boys

I think she might "over"react in the moment, but she knows how to calm herself down and at least try to talk through the problem. I cannot say it always works in her favor but she's trying

Has definitely tried to get the boys to talk about their feelings but if you think that worked I don't even know what to say to you

[blingblong55]

Tolerate it- 141+vaqueros

This is based on a request

I know a thing or two about abusing/narcissistic/ manipulative parents, so if you know the backstory will hit close to home, skip. this was all said and done to me, and I know how hard living with parent(s) like this can be and how much their words affect us.

GN!reader, tw, mentions of abuse, platonic! relationship. daddy issues

Backstory:

It wasn't a lie when you explained to the 141 and los vaqueros men of how you were treated by your father, leading to you developing daddy issues. Your father was a cruel man. He abused you, emotionally and physically. He was in your life, that was no doubt, but he wasn't a dad. Anytime you tried to be open about you feelings, he would shut you down. If you cried, he would hit you until the tears stopped. His words hurt more than any bullet. All you ever wanted was his love and respect. The times you confronted him as the years went by about the abuse he put you through, he would deny it all.

"when did I ever do that? r/n, this is what the internet made you believe, I have always been good to you. Not once did you ever miss school, I work hard to put a roof over you, food over the table. I wish I could die so I could see your pathetic face full of tears."

"but-"

"no, i worked day and night so you could have all this. And this is how you say thank you? by accusing me of all that shit? I am your dad and there is nothing you can do about it!"

tears ran down your face. He hated how you were started to become more independent. He made you stay back a year just so you'd be close. Just so he can keep hurting you.

I know my love should be celebrated,

But you tolerate it,

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome,

I take your indiscretions all in good fun,

I sit and listen

"If this is how you treat your dad I don't want to know how you would treat strangers. Aren't you ashamed? I am the man of the house and you treat me this way? You are a disgrace to my family. I told your mother that I never wanted you, and yet here we are. I pay for all this! I am your dad and you will respect me."

You looked down, just like when you were a child he gave you the same speech. At times he would take his belt off place it on the table and threaten you with it. Since then, you learned to recognize whether he was mad, annoyed or any other emotion. You also memorized the way his steps sounded like, just in case he came near your room. At times when your mum and your father would argue, you'd hide in your closet and cry.

Over the years, you moved away. You packed your things one night and never looked back. You moved on, it was hard to just leave, but it had to be done. At times he hunted you down and would try and be 'a better parent', you always declined and moved to a far place.

-----

Now, you stood in front of your team mates. You looked down like you did when you were a child. Afraid that if they say you cry, they might hit you until the tears stop. You fought them back and looked up. A small weak smile appears on your fragile lips. "so, thats why I have...daddy issues." you laughed a little, a small way of coping and your therapist named it.

"I love all of you, because in you I seek what I couldn't find in the arms of my father." your smile was still on. If only words could describe the pain they all felt. You had become their little sibling, the one they swore to always protect, and now here you stood. Telling a story most will never live through and the one most won't make out of.

These were their personal reactions/thoughts/actions.

Price:

He hated to see you like this, you were a daughter to him, His' mini me'

As you told them your past, he wiped a few tears away, biting his inner lip and shaking his head.

He wanted to ask Laswell for your fathers whereabouts, just for a little chat.

He was the one who hugged you first. As his hands rubbed you back he said "there there now, let it out r/n. I'm here, no one will ever hurt you like that." (giving beautiful boy vibes)

So much pain and yet you are still here, my toughest little soldier

He soon walked away, he didn't want you to see him angry.

On his browser stood the question(s): what is daddy issues? how do you help someone with daddy issues?

He called experts on this, he wanted to help you form a healthy relationship with him.

After that day, he was always more cautious, always trying to not trigger any memory.

Instead he built better memories with and for you.

It all made sense, there was always a reason why you waited by the door for him, how you would draw him, just like a child would, how your hands would always be placed on the table, waiting for some sort of punishment.

Ghost:

fuck was he upset, it reminded him of his own father, but your story? it made him cry.

He was the last one to hug you, but his hug was the longest and also the most vulnerable he'd been with anyone

Please, don't ever suffer with that alone

He cried when the tears of your eyes fell down onto his shirt. He didn't let go for an hour.

You were his little sibling, the one thing that motivated him to always come back to base.

He knew something was missing to your story, but he never asked, just accepted what was told.

After the whole conversation with them, he was around more often, always telling you how proud he was of you. Even if it was something small, he was there, cheering you on.

Admiration, that is what he felt towards you. You could've been another fucked up story about a kid who did worse than how they were raised, but no. You were here now, the most skilled solider. His favorite friend.

It would've been stupid if he treated you different after you told them all, but he knew it has to be done, it was the only way he knew how to show you he would never be like that man.

"y'are tougher than me kid, y'know that?" "oh stop it man, y'are feeding me ego." you responded, he shook his head, a small chuckle left his lips. He nudged your shoulder "oi" you both laughed, and as he looked down his heart ached.

You made things for him, small and stupid little things and even though he acted all bothered and threw some shade at ya, he kept them all. They became the trophies he placed on a shelf.

Gaz:

You and him had a close bond, always joking around anything, but that day it made him realize a lot of fucked up things you mentioned before. Back then he thought they were jokes.

He was the second to give you a hug, and even though you cried as he whispered some sweet stuff, his jokes made your heart ease a little.

You are truly a box of chocolates r/n

When everyone else was asleep, he knocked on your door. In his hands he had some snacks and his pillow and blanket. "sleep over?" he asked, and awkward yet sweet smile fell upon his lips.

When you fell asleep he cuddled you. The entire night and almost all of the morning he kept himself awake, thinking of everything that was said and done to you.

He silently cried. How can someone be so..cruel? He knew there were things you excluded and like price, he wanted to search how he could help you.

But mind you, this man will tell jokes about you having daddy issues with soap. So be aware of that.

"you did great out there kiddo, proud of you for that last move." Price patted your back and walked back to the rookies, you teared up a little. "psst, your daddy issues are showing." Gaz said and laughed as your face went from lost puppy to baffled by his comment.

He apologizes later in the day, but he knows you too well and he knows you're more than fine with his banter.

At times he feels bad for the moments he talked to you about what he and his dad would do on his time off, he remembered how your eyes would sparkle with joy and sadness when you'd hear how his dad treated him. He promised that next time you two are on leave he'll take his dad and you on a trip, "he can be your dad too!" he hugged you excited to share good memories with you both.

He secretly made a promise to you. Never will I ever let you leave my side, r/n, you are too good for this world and I'd like to see all the good, life will give ya

Rudy:

Although he is perceived as someone kind, I'd like to believe that out of everyone he was the first who wanted to hunt your father down. Make him pay for whatever he put you through.

He and Ghost were the last two to give you hugs. Mainly because he had to make himself strong for both of you.

I like to think he is a few years older than you, so he sees you more as a child to him, (you're like 8 years apart) so of course he and price became very important father figures to you, Price was more of a tough yet sweet dad, Rudy was sweet, kind and compassionate kind of dad. Both men equally protective yet he was more easy going, always willing to see the bigger picture.

When he heard you speak about you having daddy issues and the reason why you had them, he held back tears as he saw how you broke down with every memory and every word that you spoke, his heart broke.

For moments after he went to bed, he tried to sleep. But after much fail, he called a friend of his. After hours he found a way to help with your trauma and how he can be a good figure of you.

This man is such a dad because by accident he went to Spotify and looked up : daddy issues. Best believe he was confused when he saw the pictures and titles of those playlists. He listed to some of the songs though, and he cried while imaging you as a child and even now.

el/la más joven de todos nosotros y, sin embargo, has experimentado cosas peores

For months after, he brought a cup of tea and biscuits and listened to everything you needed to say, he even bought two pillows. One was for hugging, the other was for punching.

Soap:

Yes he is a funny and cool guy around base, but gosh did it fuck him up when his laughing buddy all of the sudden let a wall come down.

He stayed quiet, his mind looking and calling out every emotion that you might be feeling. He hoped it was a stupid prank.

Out of everyone his hugged felt more like home. You had become part of the Mactavish clan after all. His mum and him had a long talk about ways he can make you feel comfortable after that talk, and she suggested to just let you know you were apart of his family.

"scotland forever- I mean mactavish foreva!" you chanted while laughing . He laughed and pulled you by his side, "oh you bastard." he messed with your already fucked up hair.

Like gaz he said many jokes. Some Price actually got him in trouble for others you laughed at. "knock knock" he walked up to you, "who is it?" you answered, annoyed because this was the 3rd time today. "not yer dad!" then gaz stepped in and poorly sang with soap, "don't cry just because ya don't have a dad!" you walk away and they soon tackled you.

There were moments where he was serious about the situation, but he loved messing with you so much. "do you love me because im your bestfriend or is it because I'm older and yer daddy issues are attracting ya to me?" you looked at him and gave him a "deadass?" look. "bet the reason why you worked for Shepard last year was because he was old,,,,by the way, I saw on the Internet that people like you date older people, soooo..." "gosh what?" "how old did ya say yer last date was?" you playfully rolled your eyes and nudged his arm.

You can't convince me other wise he didn't try to host a search party for your mental sanity and the cure to daddy issues.

Him and Rudy asked Laswell for any information about your father, and boy did they have a fun time once Price gave you all a week off.

At times he looked at you and his eyes would gets teary.

I wish I can go back in time and kidnap ya, just so yer life had a better past.

Alejandro:

This man waited until soap gave you a hug, and then he pushed everyone away and hugged you. His heart was beating fast, a knot formed at his throat.

"I'm fine now Ale, it's all better now hermano." you tried to reassure him, but all this man did was keep your head on his chest, and he tried to rock your back and forth just so he can comfort you. Something his partner did with his children.

He was more of the bully but still loves you type of friend. Yes he did push you off your chair during meetings but he'd push your father off a cliff if he could only find him.

Him and Ghost planned something while the others smothered you with affection. It was an alliance that had become dangerous to even themselves.

While he saw you and gaz have sleepovers and your weekly talks with Rudy, he planed and planed, until one day you stopped him. "S'no good, what's done is done. Now c'mere, we have to train."

He got really frustrated in Spanish, this man said so many curse words and they all came out so fast you swore he would soon start to float.

no es justo que lo dejes salirse con la suya con todo esto

It really was unfair how he and the other man grew up with good parents (except ghost, we know what I mean).

But like I said this man was a pain in the ass, like soap he made fun of your daddy issues, always asking if you ever found his dad or himself attractive "I don't know but something tells me you are my friend because of your daddy issues." Rudy definitely made him apologize for that one

He did comfort you at times, but those were rare, instead he told you that whenever you gave him the call he and his men would play a little hunting games with your father.

"what does that mean?'" "nothing, bye now!"

A/n: I know I said this one would be out in a day(at the time of my commitment), but like I said before this is based on a much more personal experience and it was hard not to put all my feelings on this one, sorry for the wait. I hope this is what you had in mind!<3

Tags: @bugboysnumberonefan

[bella-rose29]

just finished my binge of all three hobbit movies (again) and I can't stop thinking about writing a fic for lockwood x fem!reader where their relationship is kinda like Kili and Tauriel

(possible spoilers under the cut for both the hobbit and a brief mention of Bridgerton s2)

I don't want either of them to die, obviously (because even though Kili definitely dies and while Tauriel doesn't exist in the books it makes sense that she dies from heartbreak, and I think that's mentioned in lotr? but I can't remember), but mostly I got stuck on the conversation between Tauriel and Thranduil after the battle, and these two lines in particular:

"Why does it hurt so much?"

"Because it was real."

Okay first of all, Thranduil spent the entire trilogy telling Tauriel that she's both not good enough for Legolas (because of hierarchical views of elves) and also that what she feels for Kili isn't real, so for him to say those words has such an impact.

Second, I feel like those two lines are so Lockwood coded and I can't figure out why (they just are).

Maybe it's the fact that he tries to shut himself off to caring about people by not telling them things, because he doesn't want to let anybody close enough to leave him again like with his family.

Maybe it's the fact that Lockwood would absolutely want to know why love had to hurt so damn much, because there's already so much pain in the world so why should something so beautiful end the same way?

I also think that Lockwood would be the sort of person to pull an Anthony Bridgerton and not want to be the cause of that pain, therefore becoming somebody likeable but far away and out of reach. He would absolutely try and limit the amount of pain that he caused others, because he's been through so much himself that he would hate himself if he ever became the reason that they felt the same way he had.

I think there's something to write about the types of race that lockwood and reader would belong to, since Tauriel and Kili are of two races that despise each other (for anyone not familiar with Tolkien's works, when I say race I mean what they are as a species, e.g. elves, dwarves, men, etc.). Lockwood I'm torn about what race he would be. My initial instinct is to class him as an elf, since he has the face and charm for it, but I also think that elves try and avoid anything that will cause them harm (since it will kill them), whereas Lockwood actively throws himself into harm, both physically and emotionally, even if he tries to hide the emotional part (he's often unsuccessful). Similarly elves are wise beyond all others, and while Lockwood definitely has a brain and his wits about him, he can also be stunted by his emotions (just look at what happens when Lucy does anything). That makes me want to place him more in the race of men, since they share attributes with the elves in some ways, but allow emotion to control their lives more freely than elves appear to.

I have no idea if any of that last paragraph made sense (and I would like to make it known that I haven't read the Hobbit in a good few years, and this is based off of what I can remember from that and the films (which are different to the books)), but essentially what I'm trying to say is that Lockwood is either an elf or a human and I can't decide which, and the reader is of a race that despises his (because I think it works better). If they have a sort of star-crossed lovers theme going on, then it makes the impact of those two lines even stronger, because they were never meant to have it in the first place. (I have other thoughts on Romeo and Juliet so don't get me started)

They were born into species that hated each other because of a slight that happened in the past, and loved each other anyway, regardless of the consequences, and I think that there is something beautiful about that.

Say what you want about star-crossed lovers, if it's done correctly, then it's brilliant. Is it done too much? I don't know. But I want to write one anyway because Lockwood in Middle Earth is not something I was aware that I needed until this evening.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk guys (not that I'm entirely sure what the topic was other than lockwood in middle earth).