#I'm sorry for sounding so depressed all of a sudden. but I had that inside me for a few days

[thearoaceshark]

[rubysgirl32]

Behind Closed Doors

Ruby Cruz x Fem!reader

Warnings: Enemies to lovers (kinda), VERY ANGSTy (By far the angsty-est thing I've published so far), inner Homophobia and mentions of homophobic parents, Reader is on a kinda depressive episode ig (I don't really know so sorry if it's not correct), Mentions of alcohol, Jack being a good brother!!!

Summary: Reader is acting strange so Jack and Ruby make a plan for Ruby to apologize.

Author’s note: this was supposed to be a bigger chapter but I decided to divided in 2 and post this one first. It's a bit short, and there's not a lot of Ruby and Reader interaction, but yeah. Hope you like it!! Also some of you asked for more and I'm a people pleaser so @sam-cooperrr @at1nyzen here you go!

Part 1!

The next few days were very strange for everyone. You would spend your days inside of your head, completely disassociating from every interview and conversation. You would get home and head to your bed in your room. You barely stopped for a snack or lunch. Jack would leave food on your desk and every now and then check on you, only to find you crying into a pillow or just staring into space. At work, the situation is similar. Ruby noticed how every time you had an interview, you would barely even try to talk, getting later scolded by Lola in front of everyone. Everyone could just see a heavy dark cloud that rained on top of you constantly, that would follow around all day til you got back home to your bed.

But that cloud was even heavier than anyone else thought. That  cloud held all the narrow minded ideals of your parents that have been shoved into your head ever since you were kid. That cloud held all the self hatred you held for yourself for even thinking you could feel that type of way. The cold was heavy with the utter fear of being left alone by everyone around her if she ever were to speak about this issue. This cloud was heavy with the unwanted dreams and thoughts about Ruby that she shouldn't be having at all. 

Ruby couldn't help but to feel guilty. She had ignored you and made you feel terrible for an entire year during filming, and then she kissed you without a warning or explanation. You must be so confused by the sudden change, and it was all because of her. All because Ruby couldn’t hold her stupid little crush any longer. Ruby would spend her nights staring into the ceiling of the hotel room, thinking and meditating on how to apologize to you, and how to explain her stupid feeling. Explain how her head thought it was okay to ignore you and pretend she hated you, just to avoid falling even deeper into her stupid crush. Explain how she did this for both of you, since if you ended up dating or anything, they were both gonna get fired for breaking the contract. Sometimes she wonders if the ceiling would ever stop spinning.

Three knocks popped her out of her anxious bubble, as they seemed to come from the door of her hotel room. She sat up and walked towards the door trying to figure out who might be on the other side. It might just be room service or maybe even her agent, who was staying only a few rooms away, but instead it was a tall man, who had both of his hands on his back. He looked oddly similar, but Ruby  decided to just ignore her gut to greet him

“Hello” Ruby who had her hand on her door handle incase of emergency, looked at both ends of the corridors trying to get any hint of who the man on her door was “Can I help you with anything?”

“You’re Ruby, Right?”The tall man pointed both of his index fingers towards her with an eyebrow raised “I'm Jack, Y/n’s older brother”

Her grip on the door became tighter, as she grew nervous at the sound of your name

“Shit” Ruby cursed, her blue eyes going wide “I-i-is something wrong? Did something h-h-happen?”

With a tired yet quite patient sigh, Jack shook his head disappointed and placed both hands on his jacket pocket

“Yeah,” he sighed “can we…” he said pointing towards her room, suggesting to come inside

“Oh! Of course!” Ruby opened the door wider and stood aside “Come in” 

The hotel room Ruby was staying in looks like those pictures from the magazine, every single little thing in its place, barely moved or out of place. The generic artwork, the pale colors, and the lack of personality really made the atmosphere more uncomfortable than it already was. Ruby showed the man the living room, as she took a seat on a rock hard couch. Jack sat on the opposite end, leaving a space so long between them, it felt even weird to be looking at each other from such a distance. The grown man placed both hands on his knees and tried to get rid of the nervous sweat on it, rubbing them harshly while Ruby on the other side, stared down at her socks like an embarrassed child who was just caught doing something she’s not supposed to.

“This is gonna sound so fucking rude but” He asked, blinking quickly trying to be as straightforward as possible, but at the same time kind and not be too mean “What the hell happened last monday?”

“I… I don't know ” Ruby mumbled, eyes on the floor and fingers  fiddling with a bracelet she was wearing

Jack scoffed and leaned in more, making Ruby see his face on her peripheral view, which made her throat close up quickly.

“Well then” he said loudly “Let me paint you a fresh image. Last Saturday, it was the afternoon. My sister was excited to go on her first ever press tour, worried about messing up and what not. Then, Monday, around midday, I got a text from her begging for me to pick her up, because of something you did. I show up, and she cries the entire way back home. Now, she won’t speak a word, leave her bedroom unless its for work, won’t even eat and she hasen’t answered any of her managers calls or text.” he slaps his hands in his knees as he leans back on the couch shaking his head in disbelief “Lola had to fucking call, and beg me to see what the hell is wrong with. Apparently she won’t even talk in interviews, or even try to be part of the presstour at all, which might just ruin her in the public eye”  As he spoke every word, Ruby felt her lungs growing even tighter, so air that she already lacked became even less “So let me ask you again. What happened last monday?”

Ruby inhaled through her nose, trying her best to get as much oxygen into her body, a small sniff breaking the tense atmosphere in the room. She bit her tongue, sinking her teeth in it till it drew blood. The guilt inside of her trying its best to burst and come out of her mouth, but she tried her hardest inside her stomach. But she knew that keeping it in will only make matters even worse, and so she chose her following words carefully

“We…” she said softly “I-” she placed her hand on her face and dragged them down “When… When I met her, I… I had like… this HUGE crush on her” she tries to laugh of her worries, only making her voice grow weak “and i knew, i knew in that moment, that having to film with her was going to be… a nightmare” From the corner of her eye she could see how Jack turned form completely ignoring her to now being completely hooked and attentive to her words “When i signed the contract for Willow… there was this like… rule. No one, in the show or involved in the show, could have a… romantic relationship or sexual affair with someone inside the cast or crew. So i fucked” she whisper that last sentence as she cover her face with her cold nervous hands, trying to shield the stare from the man beside her “So i did what… I did what I thought would work!” she shrugs her shoulders, the red embarrassment washing over her face

“So you… treated her like shit?” Jack whispered confused

“I- when i was a kid, my mom told me that the only way to get rid of a crush, was to just pretend you hate them. Pretend they are annoying or just gross till the crush washes away. And i thought it would work” she places both of her feet on the couch, her knees close to her chest, hugging them tightly and cringing at every word that came out her mouth “and i thought it worked! I mean… by the end of filming, it really felt like i didn’t have anything for her but then… fuck. My manager told me that for the presstour we were gonna be paired together, and that i couldn’t act so cold or rude, because then it would give bad press and whatever. So on monday, we were in an interview, and apparently no one told y/n that we were supposed to act like… buddies. She didn’t take it well and she was crying, and I panicked. I panicked so i just fuck… I kissed her!” she yells before burying her face on her knees like a angsty teen and groaned loudly “I kissed her and then i realized i fucked up because now she was going to be more confused than before, but then she kissed me back and so i ju-”

“Woah woah!” Jack shook hands stopping Ruby’s rant, his eyes wide “hold on”

Ruby removed her face from her legs to see your brother who was freaking out. He looked lost in the conversation, trying to tie the knots together with ropes that weren’t even there in the first place. 

“My sister” he said blankly, looking ruby “Kissed…” he then pointed toward the girl “you?”

Ruby moves her head softly as she bites her lip knowing that what most follow wont be an easy pill to swallow.

“H-h-how? She’s not like…'' Jack didn’t dare to finish the sentence, being cut off by his pure fear “Like… she’s not… gay” he whispers that last word, as if someone were to hear them “She’s has never…you know? Like- she’s only dated boys… only boys” he shook his head confused “I mean im her best friend so i she tells me literally everything! and if she was… you know… she- she would have told me'' he looked almost offended as he moved his hands as it would help him understand.

“She’s not ga-” Ruby asked quietly

“No!” Jack said a bit loudly “God no! Our- our parents would have killed… her. They would… fucking kick her out! So there is no way, she’s… into girls ”

“Wait what?” Ruby lets go of her knees and she buries them under her body, sitting on top of them, placing her arms now on her lap, turning towards the man on the couch “That doesn’t make any sense! She literally kissed me back, in the bathroom, why would she-” but then a light bulb lit up in  her head that made her place the final piece of the puzzle “Jack?”

“Yeah” the grown man nod was completely staring at the ceiling confused

“You said she only dates guys right? May I ask… how many?”

“Not many really, I mean, she had her highschool sweetheart and she had a boyfriend before leaving to Wales for filming. Why do you ask?”

“Maybe… just maybe. She was… faking it?”

Jack sat up and looked Ruby as if she was crazy

“What? No. Why would she do that?”

“I mean you said it yourself!” she gesticulates  “Your parents aren’t really… allies. So maybe she had a beard or something?”

“A beard?”

“Oh right, you’re straight, shit” she laughs softly “A beard is when a queer person pretends to be straight, and dates the opposite sex to… keep their cover. So maybe she… she was just dating those guys to… look straight. So you’re parent’s wouldn’t question her sexuality”

“Shit” jack mumbled “I-i never thought about that”

Both of them stayed completely silent for a few eternal minutes, letting the tense and touch air fill the empty silent room. On one side of the couch, there was Jack who felt the utter disappointment of being a terrible brother for not noticing or not even making you comfortable enough to tell him. It felt like he had failed his task as your brother and bestfriend, and that only made him wonder more of the different things you might be hiding, or things you have never told him. On the other side, Ruby, buried her face in her legs and pushed the guilty tears back, trying to swallow the guilty sour taste in her throat, but it only made it taste and feel worse. She couldnt believe  she had fucked uup this bad, and that there is probably no way to fix it.

“What do we know?” Ruby frowned in disappointment as she just tugged her knees closer to her chest.

After a few minutes of cold air, jack snapped his fingers and stood up

“I have a plan”

─── ∘°❉°∘ ───

Jack opens the door to his apartment he shared with his sister. The rented apartment was mostly empty except for a few of their things from home. As he looked around the flat he noticed it was exactly the same way it was when he left in the morning. He was gone for over 2 hours, and it looked like you hadn't even come out of your room at all. He left the shopping bags on the kitchen floor and walked toward the hall where your door was left ajar. The lights were out and the curtains completely closed, surrounding yourself in the same type of darkness and emptiness you felt inside. Jack leaned against the door frame, and knocked twice before switching the lights on, making you wince a the bright light

“You up?” he asks as you grab the duvet cover and place them over yourself to protect you from the light.

Jack let out a tried laugh and pushed himself off the door frame and made his way to your bed, sitting on the edge and placing a hand on your shoulder and shaking you. The only response you gave your brother was a groan

“Good afternoon” he then grabs the duvet and pulls it off your face “Have you had lunch yet?”

“Yes” you huffs out “I ate yesterday's leftovers” you then point over to your desk where an almost empty plate rested

Though it is not a lot, it's at least enough, and it made Jack smile.

“Good. that’s good” he sighs

After a few moments of silence, you decide to grab the duvet once again and place it over your head, completely covering you from head to toe. Jack stared down at the lump on the bed and tried his best to follow along with the plan he had just made with ruby. So he bit his tongue and tried his very best to sound truthful.

“Hey, So…. Tony texted me” his words came out casual, and made you react on the exact way planed

You jump out of the covers and sit up quickly, your puffy red eyes now wide. 

“Tony?” you repeated trying to clarify “as in…. Tony Revolori?” you push away the hairs on your face to see your brother clearer

“Yeah” he nodded

“Why?” you shook your head completely clueless

Jack cleared his throat and followed along. You were alway the actress in the family, so him having to pretend to be one too didn’t come out as naturally

“You weren’t answering your phone, so he texted me through insta, he’s inviting you to a bar for drinks tonight, some sort of reunion party” He then sits even further into the bed, making himself comfortable

“Oh” you look down at your lap, to fidget with your nails, but there weren't much left since the past days you have been picking and biting them till the skin underneath bleed through “a party”

“Yep” Jack nods with a soft smile “It might be fun, who knows?”

 “Is it like… a whole cast thing?” you whispered trying to find something in your hands to pick from

Jack then grabbed your hands to stop you from harming yourself any further.  He knew all of your nervous and anxious ticks, so he always made sure to stop you from them getting too bad, before it's too bad.

“Apparently it’s a whole cast thing” He words everything calmly trying not to make you feel overwhelmed by the news, but it didn’t work, as you throw yourself back into the bed groaning loudly “But… maybe Ruby won’t be there” he tries to console, shrugging his shoulder as if he didn’t know everything planned.

You squint your eyes and then roll them

“A cast party without the main character of the show? Yeah, i doubt that she’ll be there Jack” you sarcastically remake before placing both hands on your face

Great, the first ever cast hangout, she wasn't invited, and now that she is, Ruby’s gonna be there. 

“Come on '' Jack then laid down next to her, and stared at the ceiling, completely copying her posture “Maybe it would be good for you, you know? Get out of your bed, wear something that doesn't sweat, and like… actually shower?”

You punch your brother harshly making him laugh while holding his arm

“Hey!” He groaned “Come on, you know I'm kidding! I'm kidding!” you hit him again but now softer, just to piss him off “Hey! Stop! I'm trying to be nice!”

“If you wanted to be nice you wouldn’t have told me about the party” you snap back, giving him a final punch

“Why?”

“Because i'm not going, and now i feel like shit for canceling on Tony”

“What do you mean you’re not going?”

“I'm not going” you shrug “Ruby’s gonna be there, and if she’s there… it will suck” you then shake your head a huff out “Plus, if she’s there, everyone will hang out with her and i’ll spent the entire night on my own”

“Not necessarily” jack bumps his shoulder against yours

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to be alone. I could go with you” he then starts to shuffle closer to you, and place his hand on yours and intertwine your fingers “I’ll go with you and make sure that Ruby won’t even try to look at you in the mean way. And if she dares to make a stupid comment, i'll make sure to hype you up if you want to beat her up” He then punches you softly just like you had done a few moments ago, making you giggle

You sigh down the giddiness in your smile as you mutter a “I don’t know” under your breath

“Come on” Jack whines, leaning into you with a teasing smile “I’ll be so much fun. Just the two of us. A couple of shots, maybe some pints”

Half of you told you that it wasn't worth it. That even if Jack was there, the guilt of seeing Ruby there, and just the mere thought of having her close made you feel sick to the stomach. With a simple kiss, she had made every single bone in your body feel brand new, and strange inside your body. Just imagine what she could do if you spent a night with her, while drunk. But then, the other half of you was tired and sick of staying inside the bed. You smelled terrible, felt even worse. You missed laughing and just being around people, so maybe this was a good idea. 

You sigh and shake your head, as you smile at the ceiling. With a decision made you spoke again.

“Fuck it” you sat up and took a deep breath “Let’s get drunk”

Your brother sits up along and shows you his wide smile

“Lets get Fucking Drunk!”

─── ∘°❉°∘ ───

[cutielando]

not your fault | h.p.

synopsis: in which he helps you love yourself

my masterlist

It was your fault.

That's what you kept telling yourself every time you would see yourself in the mirror.

Every little flaw you noticed, every part of your body you didn't like, every aspect of your personality that you hated. Every single one was your fault.

That's what your mind kept telling yourself, making you get lost inside your own head.

You hadn't come out of your room in a couple of days, not having attended any class and having ignored every single person that had come to ask you how you were feeling.

You just didn't want to talk.

To anyone.

Not even to Harry.

He had tried coming up and getting you out of bed, but you never even looked at him, let alone talked or done something.

He, of course, understood. He knew about your condition, about how depression toyed with your mental health, about the good days and the bad.

He just didn't know how to act. And you didn't know how to express what you needed.

You would be screaming on the inside for him, trying to tell him what was weighing down your heart, what was bothering you, but no words would come out.

It was the fourth day of only being in bed, and it was a beautiful day outside.

The sun was shinning brightly and it penetrated your windows, landing softly on your tired face. You felt almost angry at the fact that your mind wouldn't let you be happy.

It wouldn't let you appreciate the small things such as the weather or the Sun.

A knock on your door made you snap out of your thoughts.

"Hey Y/N, it's me. Can I come in?" you heard Harry ask softly from the other side of the door.

"Yeah" you said loudly enough for him to hear and enter the room.

"Hi, love. How are feeling today?" his voice was soft, his movements slow and steady.

He made it to your bed and sat down next to you before you found the courage to speak up.

"A little better than the other day. I saw how nice it was outside and it cheered me up a little" you explained, extracting your hand from under the covers and taking Harry's hand in yours.

"Do you want to go out and take a walk?" he ran his thumb across your palm, the small gesture calming you slightly.

"Yeah, I'd like that" your voice was hoarse, but he nodded in sign that he understood.

He helped you get up from your bed and get dressed, also helping you go down the countless stairs towards the courtyard.

"What have you been doing these days?" you asked him, hugging his arms and resting your head against his shoulder.

"I mostly caught up on homework, spent some time with Ron and Hermione, had Quidditch practice. We have 2 new players and Angelina wants us to practice more often so they get the hang of it sooner" he started explaining, making sure not to make any sudden movements that could startle you and ruin the good mood.

"It sounds to me like you're tired" you commented, hugging his arm closer to your body.

"I am, but it's okay. I love Quidditch, the homework not so much but it's not that bad. Plus, I had you"

"You don't have to make me feel better, love. I know I was the most ignorant girlfriend on Earth these days, I'm sorry you have to put up with my moods" you said, focusing on playing with his fingers.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I love you for you, when you have good days and when you have bad days. I love all of you" he said as he stopped in front of you and held your face in his hands.

"You mean that?" you looked up at him through your eyelashes, seeing his sincere eyes looking down at you, his lips curled into a loving smile.

"Of course I do. I love you" he leaned down and kissed you, making butterflies come alive in your stomach.

You pulled away after a few seconds and you rested your forehead against his chest, making him wrap his arms around you.

"Are you tired? Do you want to go back to the dorm?" he asked quietly, proceeding to run his hands over your back.

You nodded and took his hand, slowly walking back up towards the castle.

Once you made it in the common room, Harry pulled you towards the stairs that lead up to the boys' dormitories.

"What are we doing here?" you asked once you had made it to his room.

"We're going to relax. I asked Hermione to give us a few hours, Ginny got us some sweets from the kitchens and Fred and George managed to sneak something called a laptop here, so we can watch some Muggle movies"

You couldn't help but tear up, not having expected him to make so many efforts to help you feel better.

"Thank you so much, you don't know how much this means to me" you whispered as you threw yourself at him and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck, burying your head into the crook of his neck and soaking the hem of his shirt.

"I love you, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you never feel alone or sad again"

You pulled away from his embrace and laid down on the bed, getting under the covers and patting the space next to you.

He got into bed next to you, immediately bringing you closer to him and hugging you to his chest.

"What do you want to watch first?" he asked you, holding all the DVDs he managed to get his hands on in front of your face.

"Anything, I don't care"

He did as told and put some random movie on, putting the laptop on his lap and hugging you even closer than before.

Halfway through the movie, you couldn't help but feel Harry's eyes staring at you, no longer focusing on the bad movie playing in front of you.

"What's up?" you asked once you lifted your head up and made eye contact with him.

"What brought it on this time?" the question was so simple, yet the answer so complex.

To be honest, you didn't know what caused your episode. You were doing okay in classes, your grades were perfect, you got along with your friends and were happy with Harry. There was absolutely no reason for you to be sad or feel like you didn't belong.

That was what sucked about depression. You didn't know when it would hit you like a ton of bricks and crash everything you fought so hard to achieve and build. It just...happened. And there was no stopping it, ever.

"I don't know. That's what I kept trying to figure out while I was locked away in the dorm. There's absolutely no reason for me to be feeling this way, yet here I am" you mumbled, drawing shapes on Harry's chest in order to calm yourself down.

"Hey, it's okay. It was stupid of me to ask, you don't need a reason to have a bad day. They happen, and all you can do is confront them with your chin up and move on"

"Yeah, I know. But it gets harder every time. I'm just exhausted of constantly living with the fear that my depression is going to screw up my life again and again and I won't be able to do anything about it. I'm tired of waiting for the inevitable like I'm some weak, pathetic little girl that needs comforting because of the smallest of things" you vented, feeling relieved to finally get it off your chest.

Harry fell silent for a moment, letting you have a moment before he would speak. He knew how much you struggled with your illness, and he hated seeing you sad and in pain.

"Hey, everyone has these problems, you're not the only one. Even Hermione has days when she doesn't want to do anything and is sad the whole time. Even Ron has moments like this. You just have to remember that I am incredibly proud of you for dealing with this, and I am always going to be by your side, no matter what"

"I love you so much" tears welled up in your eyes while you looked at your boyfriend.

You couldn't believe you had such a great guy by your side, someone who loved you for who you were, along with your good days and bad days.

He loved you for who you were. Not for the idea of you.

And you couldn't be more grateful.

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[madame-wilsonn]

Midnights: Chapter 6

MASTERLIST — MIDNIGHTS MASTERLIST

Summary: The Shelbys decided it was finally time for Tommy to take a vacation, to “put his feet up” but maybe a vacation was the last thing he needed...

A/N: hello!! so here’s chapter 6, it’s only getting sadder and sadder, I'm sorry but Tommy isn’t a very happy character...Anyway I really hope you like this series so far. I’m very thankful for the feedback I received but not a lot of people seemed to have read it? I don’t know but yeah, I was just wondering if you enjoyed the story or not. I’ll stop rambling now and let you read the new chapter! <3

Warnings: mentions of death, alcohol, depression; just very angsty and sad stuff in general

Word count: 1,412 words

Rich men spent their free time golfing and fishing. They said it was relaxing, got their minds off of work. But all Tommy could think about was the war and the mud and he never felt as anguished as he did on that golf course. The same dread, the same nausea, always lurking behind him when he was there. While men played, he sat, staring blankly at his hands, the sound of bombs and scared horses echoing in the back of his head.

He lost track of the times he jumped to the ground, hand over his head, protecting himself from imaginary bombs. The slightest noise frightened him, like a little boy who was scared of thunder. It’s just the music hall band turning up.  

“War’s over. No one wants to kill us. To peace”, that’s what Arthur said. But Tommy didn’t believe him then. He couldn’t believe him now. He didn’t feel any peace. The storm inside him was raging, stronger and fiercer than ever. Like the mention of a vacation had only made it angrier.

It kept him awake at night, torturing him with memories and images of Grace, of John, of France. He couldn’t sleep. The opium didn’t work as well as it used to. Instead, he drank. Every time the voices came to bother him, he served himself one drink, then another and another until the burn in his throat scalded the demons in his head. The gin was too sweet, May was right. It didn’t keep him from drinking.

There was no limit between the day and the night, only an endless cycle of agony. He was back on the front but this time, there would be no armistice, no peace to dig him out of the mud.

Tommy was afraid he’d start hearing the shovels again. Even in the majestic fortress that was Arrow House, even with all the richness in the world, they could still come and get him. So he stayed awake. He stayed awake and he drank whole bottles, hoping salvation would be at the bottom. Distilled for the eradication of seemingly incurable sadness, that’s what the bottle said. What his dad always told him.

But the gin didn’t work because Tommy wasn’t sad. He was worn out, he was exhausted, his head and his back and every fucking muscle in his body hurt. But he wasn’t sad.

He poured himself another clear glass. It looked like water. The only water that could make the bombs and the pain and all the mud go away. Tommy drank until he couldn’t see straight and managed to drag himself up the stairs. The maids stayed out of his way, they were all in bed. Everyone in the house knew not to lurk around too long, to not jump at the sudden noises that echoed through the halls, to not pay attention.

He stumbled in the master bedroom, swearing as he tried to take off his vest. There was no light, only the moon filtering through the long curtains. Grace chose them. Just like she chose the paint on the walls and everything else in that house. Even the fucking knobs on the door reminded him of her.

The other day, Polly told him he was having a girl. Lizzie wanted to see him. She kept calling, sending letters. But he didn’t want to get near her. That baby had to stay as far from him as possible, for her own good. Charlie was already suffering enough, he didn’t have a choice. Tommy was all he had. That baby could stay with her mum. She would be okay as long as he wasn’t there.

He remembered the curse Esme laid on him, back in the morgue. Only women could lay curses, whoever encountered their wrath was doomed. Tommy wouldn’t risk it with his unborn child. That baby…that baby had to stay away. Lizzie would raise her, he would send money and make sure they had what they needed. No good could come out of him. Everywhere he went, death seemed to follow. Lizzie already had a hard life. He would only wreck whatever good she managed to have.

Tommy fell on the green ottoman, bottle still in his hand. He was so cold. Cold from inside, like his bones were made out of ice. He took a sip of gin but the burn wasn’t there anymore. God, he was tired. His eyes felt heavy, he should close them for a moment. Have a rest. No, no, he couldn’t sleep.

Tommy sat up, gasping. He couldn’t fall asleep, he didn’t want to hear the shovels. No, he needed a cigarette. He rummaged through his pockets but the fucking lighter wasn’t there. Tommy got up abruptly, it was there somewhere, he knew it. Yes, the vest, in his vest it was.

He sat on the edge of the bed, inhaling the sweet tobacco. Another sip of gin. His head was throbbing, he stared at his hands like he’d never seen them before. He was miserable. What would Grace even say?

She died to protect him. She saved his fucking pathetic life for him to be a drunkard. She sacrificed herself and for what? But Tommy didn’t have an answer. She died for nothing. She died for ambition and futility. Just like John. They died because of him. Because of nothing. How could he still be walking and breathing when they weren’t?

Just take me, now. Take me and bring them back.

“You can do that, eh?” he exclaimed, staring at the moon. But the moon observed him quietly, her disdain spreading in the room. Tommy walked up closer to the window, the precious gin always close to him.

“You can take me and bring them back. They’re worth it and ‘m not. ‘m not, you hear me?”

The moon kept silent, Tommy opted for the gin. The gin had the answer. The gin knew what he didn’t.

He clutched the bottle, turning around to show the moon. Show her that he had his gin and he didn’t need her. But Tommy lost his balance, drunk and dizzy. A loud clatter resonated through the room as he desperately tried to steady himself.

The bottle broke, gin spilling all over the floor, all over him. He saw the blood on his forearms, noticing the shards of glass and among them, quartz and gold. Fuck.

Tommy scurried to pick up the lipstick holder. No, no, please don’t be broken. He tried to open it but the music came out broken and sad. The little ballerina was dying, she couldn’t twirl anymore. Tommy killed her.

“Fuck!” he screamed, hitting the varnished floor. Glass pierced his skin but he didn’t care. It was Grace’s favorite. She adored that lipstick holder. She adored the light melody. And Tommy broke it.

He wanted to scream, to destroy the rest of the bedroom because nothing else mattered. Nothing meant anything to him. But he heard the door open.

Charlie’s curious head slipped inside, observing the scene. Tommy instinctively hid his bloody arms from his son, and called out his name.

He felt like his father— drunk and yelling, scaring him and his siblings in the middle of the night. He had sworn he would never become like him, that he would be better. And there he was, drunk and yelling, Charlie witnessing the miserable state he put himself in.

Like father, like son.

A maid quickly rushed to tear the boy away from the troubling sight, closing the door behind her. Tommy tried to get up from the floor, go to his son and apologize. Tell him he was sorry for being such a mess, for not being what he needs. But he was too drunk, too weak. He managed to grab the edge of the vanity behind him, his arms burning.

Tommy realized how pathetic he had become. Long gone, the ambitious man who wanted to reach the top. All that was left were broken pieces, unmended, scattered all around, threatening to cut anyone who got too close.

Tommy hugged his arms, the pain suddenly too much to bear. His tears mixed with the gin on his face and it took him every bit of strength left to not fall in the shards of glass. Everything ached. A wave of despair washed over him and the tide threatened to knock him down. There was no rest, there was no peace.

Not for him, at least.

Taglist: @aaskoct @cillmequick @dandelionprints @edmundo-diaz @forgottenpeakywriter @huntingingoodwill​ @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake​ @jokim @julkaamazing​ @lili12356 @look-at-the-soul​ @lyarr24​ @midnightmagpiemama​ @milkshakelol @notyour-valentine​ @rangerelik​ @salvatoremeanssavior @thesoldiersminute​ @emotionalcadaver @zablife​ @shelbydelrey​ @peakypolly 

[cf56]

My thoughts on episode 10

SPOILERS for season 3, episode 10 of the Animaniacs reboot

So that's great. I took two hours to write this entire review, and then with one press of control + Z, it was completely gone. Great site Tumblr. Really works as intended.

I was in a better mood, but having to rewrite this ENTIRE thing sucks so badly. I try to give my genuine thoughts as I go, and it's impossible to replicate that on the second try. I want to scream. Why can't this week just go right?

So now you're getting a negative opening for what was a super positive review. I seriously want to punch a wall. A website meant for long posts doesn't have an editor designed for them. That's just great.

I can't rewrite that whole thing. Just have a collection of screenshots and some jumbled thoughts.

I'm sorry for Pinky and the Brain fans that their final showing was so short. I didn't like Brain talking about the "endlessly repetitive formulaic rebooted franchise that relies on just a handful of tired characters." You can say it's the writers taking a shot at themselves, but it really isn't. It's not their show. They didn't create the characters. Combined with the ending, it just feels a little disrespectful to the people who put their heart and soul into creating this show in the first place, and to the fans who genuinely love these characters.

Look at them being silly!

I can't gush enough about the song. Such cute animation, such powerful music!

I teared up while listening to it this time. I'll probably do the same on every future watch.

I liked that Wakko was right about everything and had the idea that saved the day. The Warners literally saved the world and they'll still be treated like garbage by everyone around them.

The Joe segment was funny, especially the zoom out at the end. I liked hearing "Waltzing Matilda" in the background.

Dot was so cute wanting to go on the teacups, just being infatuated with the idea of spinning around in a little teacup!

This segment is the epitome of "this is my life now."

Poor Wakko has the worst luck. The SAME CLOWN just happened to be at this carnival? At least we know he got down from Mars.

I thought it was weird to have two cataclysmic endings for the reboot six minutes apart from each other. Although they say this sketch was written for season 1, I find it really hard to believe that this wasn't originally meant to end the season/reboot, especially with Dot's quip at the end. I'm not sure I would want this to be the ending, though. It would have sucked if the Warners were the ones who explicitly ended their universe and killed everyone inside. That would have proven everyone right about their destructive nature all along.

I thought this was a refreshing segment. Slappy sounded and looked great. Like I expected, it was short and there was no Skippy, but I'm happy it exists. I was surprised and happy to see that they got Sherri Stoner to return for work on the reboot.

I liked how Everyday Safety was just a never-ending cascade of total nonsense.

The Council is not pleased.

I thought Wakko's bottle song was catchy. I liked that it actually sounded like Wakko blowing. I wonder if they got Jess to do that for real in the studio?

And the ending. I wrote four paragraphs about it, and it sucks so bad because I thought I made my points quite well. Let me try again.

I understand the metaphor with the abrupt and sudden ending. I know the asteroid is meant to represent Hulu. I just don't think they should have pushed their bitter disappointment with the show ending directly onto us. They should have thought it through a lot better.

If they were going to go doom and gloom, which they shouldn't have, they should've at least given the ending some emotional weight. How am I supposed to feel anything when the characters themselves don't show any reaction to their unexpected, oncoming violent deaths? I'm not saying it should have been super depressing with crying and begging. They just should have given a genuine reaction instead of doing business as usual. The closest set of siblings in the world is about to go out in a fiery blaze, and they're not even touching each other. They're just standing near each other awkwardly. Have them embrace and accept their death with a positive remark about how it was all worth it. That would at least give some closure.

What they should have done, if I could rewrite it from scratch, is give us a satisfying, happy ending. Show the Warners finally earning their freedom from the tower after 90 years. Maybe have them gaze at the sunset together, mirroring how the sun rose at the very beginning of the reboot. Even if they didn't have time to animate new scenery for something like that, anything would have been better for this. This ending just feels empty. It lacks any emotion besides pure shock and it feels like an F you to everyone who cares about the show. The creators might have intended that F you to feel like it was coming from Hulu, but Hulu didn't write this scene. The reboot writers did, and they had the power to leave us with something better. This could be the last Animaniacs we ever see.

I'm at least happy they attempted an ending. The original didn't have one at all. It just sucks that Animaniacs had to end unexpectedly and unsatisfyingly both times it's been suddenly cancelled. The reboot was supposed to fix that.

This was perhaps the most entertaining episode of the season for me. It has one of the greatest Animaniacs songs ever, maybe the best song of the season, I'm still not sure. I still love The Island of Dr. Warneau a lot, so I'm giving this episode a solid second place in my final ranking for the season.

Episode 6

Episode 10

Episode 3

Episode 9

Episode 7

Episode 4

Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 5

Episode 8

That means that the majority of episodes this season are episodes I would consider really good. The top 4 are all episodes I would consider really great. I'll give my thoughts on the season as a whole in my collective season 3 review, but I'll need a few more days before I start writing that. I need some time to collect myself and reflect.

I'm sorry for how this review turned out. The first version felt a lot more positive, because in this attempt I just wanted to express my more well-developed thoughts, which happened to be criticisms. I liked this episode a lot. I just so desperately wish I hadn't lost that first version. It only adds to the most heavily conflicting mix of emotions I've ever felt in one week. I was feeling good, and now I'm knocked down again. I'm sorry to be the one putting so much negativity into the fandom. I want this to be a positive place for all. If I wasn't able to express my emotions here, though, I wouldn't be able to deal with them at all. So thanks to those that have been listening.

I encourage you to add to the discussion of this episode if you want. If you're from the future, please don't say anything about any of the episodes that come after this ;)

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[sirenascales]

-> double black [part two] 18+

-> Chuuya x 1stPOV!F!Reader x Dazai

-> Who knew getting fired from work could lead to this?

-> Content: SMUT, slight angst, violence, murder, swearing

A failed friend date turns into a day of fun and laughs with a rather odd coworker. [Dazai x 1stPOV!F!Reader]

3,274 words

Warning: suicide ideation (like, it's Dazai, c'mon now.)

note: I'm glad some of ya'll seemed to enjoy chuuya's chapter! I decided to just upload Dazai's and then we can move on to the story. Please enjoy! Tags in the replies.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Final || masterlist

"Keiko-- Keiko, it's two PM!" I said into the phone, sending an apologetic look to my coworkers. "And I'm at work. You can't be calling me, especially when you're drunk so early in the day."

"Uggghhhh, you're so mean!" I sighed softly at Keiko's response, the office phone on my desk beginning to ring.

"Keiko, I have to go now, I'm sorry! Call Taichi and tell him to bring you home."

"Wait-"

I ended the call, rubbing my eyebrows as I picked up the other phone. "Armed Detective Agency, how may I help you?"

It's been around three months since I've started working at the Agency, and I have to say, it was a pretty great job. It paid well, kept me on my toes with the many different cases we took on, and my coworkers were great... despite how weird they were.

"That's like the seventh time your friend called you this week," Ranpo spoke up from his desk, the man literally surrounded by snack wrappers.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyebrows. "I know, I'm sorry everyone. She's not usually like this... I know she likes to drink, but... never to this extent."

"Maybe there is something going on?" the cute Atsushi suggested and I frowned. "Maybe you can try to find out?"

"It wouldn’t be wise to just push yourself into someone's private life like that," Kunikida added and I nodded in agreement.

Of course I couldn't. Not with who her boyfriend was. I was her best friend, but even I knew not to step in. "Besides, she always says she's okay when I ask..." I said thoughtfully, too distracted to continue my work. I could believe her, right? Besides, she had Taichi. He loved her, and always made sure that she was protected and taken care of. He always made sure to be around her when he wasn't away, keeping her to his side at all times. I thought maybe he was being a bit too protective, but I also understood because of his... profession.

"Alright, alright, we have a schedule, people. Let's not get too distracted here," Kunikida exclaimed and I laughed softly. The only one with a schedule was the super punctual man himself, but I still went on to do my work.

"Speaking of work..." I started, unimpressed as I Iooked to the empty desk across the office. "Where the hell is Dazai?"

Atsushi just hung his head and sighed, Kunikida gritting his teeth at his desk. "I tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up," Atsushi sighed again and I huffed, standing up from my desk. "I'll take my 30 now. I'll be in the cafe and I'll try to get Dazai to bring his scrawny ass to work."

The Agency was on the fourth floor of the building while the cafe was down on the first, very convenient for me. I was lazy and the coffee and food was good. I dialed up Dazai's number as I descended the four flights of stairs, pressing my phone to my ear.

At the top of one flight, I stopped when I heard a familiar ring tone blare out, and when I looked down to the bottom of the stairs, I saw the man of the hour. His brown hair was wavy as ever, his signature tanned jacket looking immaculate. I watched as he just looked at his phone, watching it ring before he put his phone in his pocket.

I hated him. "So you were just gonna ignore me?!" I shouted down the stairs. Dazai whipped his head up, eyes going comically wide.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, practically running up the stairs right towards me. I gasped and back away quickly, back hitting the wall as Dazai caged me between his bandaged arms. His forehead pressed against mine and I will my face not to burn as he looked at me with those pretty brown eyes of his. "I missed you."

My heart skipped a beat, my mouth going dry. Still, I glared up at the man. "We just saw each other yesterday," I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his soft breath against my face. I was thankful my voice didn't crack. "And you have plenty of paperwork to do still on your desk."

"Ehhh, I'm tired and I'm busy," Dazai nonchalantly waved that off, now standing away from me and waving his hand dismissively. "Got better things to do."

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah? Like what?"

With that, Dazai took my hands in his, a hopeful look on his face. Here we go again. "Double suicide."

"No." I immediately declined him. "My answer is still the same as it was last week."

Dazai visibly deflated, covering his eyes dramatically. "Sweet death... she evades me yet again..."

"Yeah," I deadpanned, brushing past Dazai and heading down the stairs. "Anyway. I'm heading to the cafe to get something to eat."

"Oh!" Dazai exclaimed, hooking my arm with his as he quickly came up to my side. "I'll go with you!"

"You have work to do!" I yelled at him, trying to push him back up the stairs. "Go before Kunikida has an aneurysm."

"But I don't wanna!" Dazai whined, quickly turning the tables on me. Now he was behind me, his arms wrapped around me and pinning my arms to my chest. I felt his breath against my left ear and I shivered deeply. "I wanna spend time with you..." he whispered softly, his voice dropping. I bit my bottom lip, looking over at him over my shoulder. I shivered again, the usual brightness in his eyes gone. I've only seen that look on his face a handful of times, and it never failed to make me feel completely on edge. Like I was in danger.

I liked it.

"Ugh," I sneered, rolling my eyes and shaking myself out of his arms. "Fine, fine. I'll treat today, okay?"

"Yay!" Dazai's jovial nature returned as he followed me to the cafe. I shake my head at the strange duality of the man. We sat across from each other, the redheaded waitress named Lucy that obviously had a crush on Atsushi giving us some menus.

As I looked over the menu, I looked over at Dazai, the man humming as he mulled over his choices. I bit the inside of my cheek, just feeling that maybe there was more to Dazai than he let on.

The weekend soon arrived and I was in a bit of a sour mood. I was at the boardwalk, sitting on an empty bench after getting off the phone with Keiko. We were supposed to spend the day together, but she had called me thirty-minutes late, all of a sudden saying that she couldn't make it.

Her tone of voice worried me, she sounded rushed and breathless, totally unlike her. "I'm okay. I'm sorry for flaking out so suddenly," she said before she ended the call. I blinked at the screen, a bit put off by the entire thing. Just what was up with her?

Though I couldn't dwell on it, for there was a presence behind me. "Well, well, look what we have here," a teasing voice whispered into my ear before blowing into it. I shrieked, jumping off the bench before spinning around.

"Dazai!" I hissed at the laughing man standing on the other side of the bench. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Bet it got your heart pumping, huh," Dazai hummed happily, skipping around the bench and right over to me. "Bella, I missed you~" he hugged me tightly in his arms. I sighed deeply, half-heartedly wrapping my arms around him in return and giving him a pat on the back.

"We saw each other yesterday."

"Eighteen hours is too long, bella."

I rolled my eyes, pulling away from the huge and giving Dazai a look. "You're so dramatic, dude," I say with a laugh, shaking my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm, well I thought this would be a great place to think about how to commit suicide," Dazai began and I gave him another look. "But, I saw my bella looking so sad and lonely! I just had to rush to comfort her!"

Dazai hugged me again, squeezing me tight. I let out a struggling breath, writhing a bit in his hold. "You're killing me!"

"Oh! Let's commit do-"

"No, oh my God!"

I turned and stormed away from the suicidal man, shaking my head when I heard him call out for me. "Bella, wait!" He latched onto my arm, pressing his cheek against mine. "Tell me what's wrong. I am your trusted friend and coworker~"

"More like trusted pain in my ass," I mumbled before sighing, walking over to the boardwalk railing and staring out into the ocean. "It's Keiko. She was supposed to be with me today, but she just called and canceled..." I frowned deeply, eyebrows pinched in worry.

"What else did she say?" Dazai asked quietly, having gone serious once he saw the look in my face. "How did she seem?"

"Off..." I answered immediately before I looked over at my companion. "Or am I just imagining things? Yeah, I'm disappointed she flaked out but...." I hung my head. "I don't know..."

"Well, it could be nothing," Dazai suggested. "Or it could be something. There's no way for you to know."

I made a face at his vague ass answer before sighing again. "I can only trust her. She was the first friend I made when I moved to Japan, and I was excited to see her today. I've been having a rough time lately."

"Is something bothering you?" Dazai asked, and I shivered feeling his gaze on me.

"Eh... just depressed," I answered offhandedly. "Lonely. Normal sad girl shit, ya know."

That made Dazai snicker under his breath. "Yeah, I know. But luckily for you," Dazai started, arm draping around my shoulders and pulling me to him. "I'm here to save the day!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed before I wrapped my arm around his middle, letting him hold me against him. "You'll hang out with me today?"

Dazai grinned. "It would be my pleasure."

Time flew by so quickly, that I was surprised to look at my phone and see that it was damn near seven in the evening. Gaping, I looked up, seeing that the sky was slowly turning dark. "Holy crap, Dazai. Did we really spend the whole day out here?" I asked in shock, looking over at him. "What the hell did we do?!"

"What didn't we do," Dazai whined, slumping against me. "I'm tired... and you still wanna ride the stupid ferris wheel!"

"It's not stupid," I said with a pout. "Besides... we're already in line."

"Meh," Dazai grumbled, still keeping his body pressed against me as we waited in line. He was behind me, his chin pressed on my shoulder. I tried not to shiver as I felt his breath along my neck.

Soon enough, we were in our carriage and slowly riding up to the top. I took a few pictures as we did so, Dazai looking over in amazement.

"You think the drop from up here would kill me?"

"Yeah, and would scar everyone here."

"Oh yeah... can't have that."

I rolled my eyes, glancing over at him and pausing for a bit. Dazai was still looking out over Yokohama, an expression I've never seen before on his face. He almost looked... sad. Very handsome, his side profile absolutely perfect. But he still looked sad. I took a quick picture, smiling as I looked over it on my phone.

The carriage stopped and I couldn't help but grin as we just swayed softly up in the air. "Thanks for spending the day with me, Dazai. It would have sucked if I had spent it alone."

"Ahh, don't sweat it, bella. I couldn't possibly leave you out here alone," Dazai answered dramatically and I laughed and rolled my eyes. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and I grabbed my phone, smiling at the cute selfie that Keiko sent to me.

'I'm so sorry for bailing! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ❤ mwuah'

"Is that Keiko?" Dazai asked and I nodded, sending her a quick reply.

"Yeah. She seems to be doing okay," I said, feeling a bit relieved.

"That's great!" Dazai exclaimed, getting up from his spot and carefully making his way to sit beside me, much to my horror.

"Dazai! We're not supposed to move around!"

"We're fine!" he waved me off dismissively. "Now you can stop worrying about Keiko and focus on what's important. Me."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You?"

Dazai hummed. "Yes, me. And how I'm taking you home tonight."

My jaw drops, face heating up at his words. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Dazai answered, his voice dropping a bit as his gaze and entire mood changed. His gaze was darker now, his lips curled up in an almost dangerous smirk. "I think it's time we stop tiptoeing around each other and just take what we really want."

My mouth went dry and I quickly became flustered, turning my head away. Immediately, a hand is grabbing my face, Dazai digging his fingers into my cheeks as he forces me to look back at him.

"Nuh uh, you look at me when I'm speaking."

His authoritative tone makes me freeze, heart pounding in my chest as I stared at Dazai, completely bewildered. I knew there was something more about him than he had let on, and whatever it was, had me in fight or flight mode.

"Now, when we're done here, we're gonna leave and head back to my place, okay?" he asked me, but his tone made it seem like it wasn't a request, and it sure as hell didn't match the seemingly innocent smile on his face; not when it didn't reach his eyes.

I nodded, Dazai removing his hand from my face. His smile sent shivers down my spine.

"Good."

"Mmn... fuck, Dazai..." I moaned and gasped softly, the man on top of me littering my neck with angry red and purple marks, two of his fingers working inside my pussy. I was completely naked on his bed, Dazai only in his underwear-- and his bandages still wrapped around his arms and chest.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" Dazai whispered against my neck, curling his fingers and smirking when I cried out. "Call me Osamu. Don't make me tell you again."

I frantically nodded my head, crying out again as he sped up the pace of his fingers, his mouth moving down to my chest. "F-fuck, Osamu!"

"That's it," he whispered, taking one of my hardened nipples into his mouth. My fingers curled into his soft brown hair, head tilting back and eyes screwing shut as Dazai continued to pleasure my body.

It wasn't long until he pushed his hard cock into my wet pussy, the both of us groaning at the feeling of us finally connecting. I was on my knees and elbows, pillow placed under my hips. Dazai started out slowly, biting his lip as he watched his dick disappear inside of me.

"Fuck... I'm gonna burn this sight into my memory," Dazai groaned, making me whine as I shook my head.

"D-don't stare like that..."

Dazai chuckled softly, his hands grabbing my hips as he started to move faster, thrusting harder. I moaned and whined, it seemed to be the only thing I could do while Dazai fucked the shit outta me. "Osamu... please..."

My whining made the man above me grin widely, his thrusts becoming rougher, almost wild as he suddenly reached out and grabbed a handful off my hair. I yelped when he yanked me up, my back now pressed against his chest and his other hand wrapped around my throat.

"What is it, bella?" he hissed into my ear, pounding away at my pussy and making me cry out again. God, it was too much all at once. "What does my pretty little subordinate want?"

I whined. "I want to cum... please Osamu..."

He cackled, pushing me back on the bed, grabbing my hips so hard, I knew I was gonna bruise. "Cum then," he hissed down at me, pushing my face into the mattress. He fucked me relentlessly, fingers finding my clit and rubbing harsh circles. That made my vision go white, my scream muffled as I came hard, body going rigid as pleasure overtook my body.

"Shit, you're squeezing me so tight," Dazai grunted. He pulled out, ignoring my whines as he stepped off the bed. "Get on your back."

I barely rolled over halfway until there was a strong grip on my ankle, my body being pulled down the length of the bed. Dazai stood at the end, wasting no time in pushing my legs back by the back of my knees, and plunging his cock back into me.

I looked up at him through teary eyes, and I knew I should have been afraid of the mad look that was in his eyes, the way his lips were curled up in a snarl. But it just made my pussy clench around him in arousal, eyes rolling to the back of my head.

I came a second time as he did his first, and much to my ultimate pleasure, we weren't finished there. We pleasured each other through the night, until we wore each other out and fell asleep entangled in the sheets.

I woke up the next morning, groaning in pain as I felt my body ache. I forced myself to sit up, looking around blearily and humming softly when I found Dazai sitting on the edge of the bed, his bare back to me.

"Good morning," he sang to me and I giggled softly, carefully moving to kneel behind him. The blankets fell from around me and I pressed my bare chest against his back. "Hm, that's nice."

"Morning," I said softly, peeking over his shoulder. "What are you do-"

I stop, staring as Dazai wrapped seemingly clean bandages on his heavily scarred left arm. I swallowed thickly, my mind running at what could have possibly been the cause of those scars.

But deep down, I knew that the cause was Dazai himself.

"Do... Do you have enough?" I asked softly, not knowing what else to even say. I didn't want to pry or seem insensitive, just having to get over this metaphorical punch in the gut myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Dazai answered, turning to face me with a cheery smile on his face. In a matter of seconds, I was flat on my back, Dazai on top of me with his lips pressed against mine. It was easy for him to make me forget about what I saw, his kisses stealing my breath away.

"I have to go," he said softly, pushing himself off me after a moment.

I nodded solemnly, watching him continue to get dressed. "Alright. See you at work tomorrow?"

He smirked at me. "You know the answer to that."

I rolled my eyes again, just as my phone started to ring. I grabbed it, sending Dazai a quick smile before answering the call.

"Hey Keiko, guess who got fucking laid." That made Dazai snort while I grinned, though my grin fell as I didn't hear Keiko go off like I thought she would. "Keiko?" I shared a look with Dazai.

"Hey... I need you. Can I come over?"

[animeyanderelover]

Requested from @girliesanjose123

Request: Can I have prompt 68 with Indra Otsutsuki in a soulmate AU?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, harsh behavior, controlling behavior, kidnapping, violence, abuse

Prompt 68: “You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

"Don't even think about it." You flinched when you heard his cold and voice ringing through the cold air of the night, a wonderful addition to his icy tone. Just as quickly as your eyes had wandered to the forest and the idea of trying to make a run for it as soon as he was asleep, the idea left you again. Instead you just turned around, staring with a scared look in your eyes at the dancing bonfire. "I'm sorry. I won't think about it again.", you muttered quickly out, a habit you had formed due to past experiences with him.

You heard something akin to a dismissing hum from him before ot became silent between you two, the only thing that made this all not too suffocating or awkward were the random noises of the night, the crackling sounds of the fire and the swooshing created by the wind. It wasn't the first time that you two just sat there like this, not speaking to each other. You because you were too intimidated and had no idea on about what you could possibly talk about with him and him because he wasn't the very talkative type. And forcing him into a conversation wasn't very wise either, he got quickly annoyed with you.

Up until this day you had troubles believing that he was really the one you had been born to be with, your soulmate. And yet his name had been engraved on your wrist since your thirteenth year of life, written down in black letters without a chance to ever erase it again. Just like your name was written down on his wrist, he had never told you since when. The most detailed answer you had gotten from him had been that he had the mark on him since quite the long time.

Soulmates were totally romanticized in your opinion even though you understood to a very small degree why people wished to have a soulmate as well. The idea of having someone who was born to be with you and would experience something that could only be described with love at first sight was tempting to imagine. But sadly the dark side of having a soulmate was overshadowed, pushed away since people only wanted to see and hear what added up to the dream relationship in their mind.

There was no other choice than this one person who was your other half, not even if you fell for someone who seemed to fit you much more perfect. This was one of the most common misunderstandings people had about soulmates. They thought they were perfect for each other and loved each other conditionally. It was a lie. You had informed yourself, read a lot of reports and letters about it, even from people who had themselves a soulmate. And in more than a few people had described that their soulmate had been nothing near perfect, they had been lazy, selfish, mean and so much more. Some had even described how their soulmate had cheated even after they had met each other which had ended in a terrible heartbreak for both parts.

Having a soulmate didn't have to mean that they loved you as well, but once this happened, it ended in a terrible pain and depression for both parties and some had even said to die because of a broken heart. What a ridiculous thing to exist. Why would have a innocent who had done nothing wrong suffer because their soulmate had to be a dick without knowing each other even that well except the sudden attraction to each other and the knowledge that they were your soulmate?

So you had never been exactly happy when receiving that mark of yours, but everyone else around you had seemed to make a huge fuss about it. Friends and classmates had envied you for it and your neighbors had started almost gushing about the name written down on your wrist, starting to talk to you about how happy you must be to have one and how cute you would look together with them. You hadn't, but with that opinion you had been sadly alone. Even your parents had sugarcoated it, maybe because they were scared what might happen to you and this Indra if you would reject them.

But you had been completely right and you could bet that everyone in the village had sobered by now up from their delusions. If he would have kidnapped you silently, they would have assumed that you might have gone with him. But you hadn't. Instead you had tried to run away from him after only a few hours of knowing him. And you still remembered how the protests and comments to try to calm you down had died down the moment Indra had started demolishing everything in his way to catch you.

You didn't know until this day what had become of all the people in the village and if some of them were even alive. You hadn't seen much, but the short glances on the place that had used to be your home once had been enough to horrify you before you had passed out after looking in red eyes with three dots spinning inside of them.

You had by now given up asking to see your family again, every begging and pleading had been harshly and coldly shut down by him that by now you had pretty much lost all hopes. You had also given up on cursing whoever had decided to set you two up, there was nothing you could do and you had sadly no one to blame for this either, leading you to wallowing in self-pity.

The most frustrating was that you knew so little about him. He had never told you much and you had long ago lost the guts to ask him. You knew he was from far away, had left due to family issues and was planning to prove something. That was about all you knew about him next to his name and that he was insanely powerful. He could be a mass murder and you wouldn't kno. He on the other hand had wanted to know about everything about you and had forced it out of you. Well, maybe he would become more open over time. He wasn't someone who seemed to warm up quickly to a stranger.

That was probably why he was so distant and cold to you most of the time next to being very strict and controlling. He striked you as someone who viewed love and attraction as a weakness, but still seemed to be sane enough to know what would happen if he would have left you behind back then when he had met you for the first time. You had read that soulmates had gone crazy for their other half after meeting them and having to endure a longer time not touching them.

He was smart enough to fulfill those needs of his which sadly also fulfilled your needs. He hadn't engaged in anything too sexual so far, but even those forced touches of his had been enough to make you feel repulsed and yet also had pulled you closer to him. You blamed the soulmate bond for it. You knew too well that you would most likely not be able to stay like this forever, being already sometimes torn apart between your huge dislike for him and the always remaining attaction for him, the butterflies you felt whenever he seemed to become more nice and softer with you.

It was frustrating enough to make you feel like crying sometimes, you hadn't want any of this, but life had to be a bitch and decide to make him from all people in this world your soulmate. You just wished you had never been born with a soulmate or at the very least never met him. You hated how you always felt a painful stinging in your chest when he ignored you or hissed angrily at you.

You knew he had to feel the same, he had to suffer when avoiding you as well. But he was far more better in handling and hiding it than you were which was another rather hurting and harsh slap in your face. Didn't he care at all? You really just thought he was, the only reason he kept you around was because he didn't want to endure the full package of pain that came with just leaving your soulmate alone. He was just too hard to read.

And yet there were those moments where you almost got the feeling he was seeking for your touches and some sort of affirmation of you, only to push you moments later away from him and look like he had no idea what he had just done either. Such moments confused you greatly and seemed to irritate him just as much. So at the very least he seemed to slowly get pulled to you as well. Was this actually a thing to be glad or terrified over?

"Are you sulking again over the fact that we're soulmates?" His voice brought you out of your thoughtful gaze, noticing with a slight shiver that he was staring at you. You guessed you had stared too long at the mark on your wrist. You didn't know how to answer this, feeling scared that the wrong answer might lead to him getting angry again. You had learned to be careful around him, you felt most of the times like you were walking on eggshells whenever with him.

You opened your mouth shortly, only to close it again after not finding the strength to do as much as uttering a single word out. You had nothing to say if you were honest with yourself. "You're not going to answer me?"

Indra had shifted slightly closer to you, eyes drilling themselves into you with a piercing intensity. He hadn't activated them yet so that meant you were still in a green zone with him, he always activated them when he was pissed off because of something. A short glance at him made you almost believe that he seemed to display genuine curiosity right now.

You hesitated for a bit, not knowing whether to be honest with him or not. Lying was always an option, but a rather stupid one, he noticed always when you lied to him and he disliked it when you lied. "Yes, I am.", you answered for a few seconds of thick silence passing by, observing cautiously his reaction.

You had expected him to either not care or just becoming mad with you, but instead you always imagined for a second something akin to exhaustion flashing over his face. But it was so quickly gone that you weren't even sure if it had been there in the first place. But it had awakened some sort of interest in him, judging from the way his attention was now hooked on you. It made you tense up, playing with your fingers awkwardly.

"You know, I never asked you this before...But what do you think of me? Be honest." This question always made you choke on your own spit, gaping dumbfounded and majorly confused at him. His face gave no emotion away he could possibly feel right now. But from the way he was looking at you, you knew that he expeted an answer, a honest one, from you.

"You're not...what I expected." It was the only true yet subtle enough statement you could think off without saying anything that could offend him too openly.

It didn't seem to satisfy him though, he furrowed his eyebrows slightly at this very vague answer of yours. "Be more specific. I want to know."

If you would tell him, he would be angry with you, you were almost certain about it. Shouldn't it have been obvious from the way you were acting around him that you didn't like him? He couldn't be that oblivious. So if he already knew, why asking? Did he perhaps want to hear it from you personally?

"You're kind of...distant..." It sounded more like a question and you said it extremely slowly, unsureness dripping from every word. You kept by now an eye on Indra so you could react when he seemed to get offended by what you said. But at the moment he appeared to be calm, just listening and watching. "Continue."

"Well, if I'm being honest I feel a bit neglected from you. You're hard to read and I can't seem to understand what you sometimes even want from me. There are those moments where you treat me like I'm just air or some sort of dog you have to punish for bad behavior. And in other moments you are suddenly being all nice and friendly with me and almost act like you care before you snap out of it again and lash out on me. You're a bit confusing to be with and I just feel like you can't stand me at all since I make you acting like this. So emotionally."

There were quite a lot of unspoken things you could have added, but that would have taken a while and were far more offendingly than what you had put in words as politely as possible and told him just now.

He didn’t say anything which you just counted as a good thing, it meant he wasn’t mad at you...At least yet. Who knew with him and his temper. “So I take it that you don’t like me, do you?”

You quirked yourself eyebrow a few millimeters upon hearing the undertone in his voice, scanning his face. He was not angry, you could tell. It was something else right now for which you needed a few moments to look at before you suddenly understood. Was he...Was he poking fun at you?!

This made you stop thinking for a moment, you had in those past few weeks never seen him displaying many emotions except anger, impatience and from time to time those nearly desperate acts of affection. But never, never had you seen him being amused, you had thought that he had been annoyed by all of this. But now he looked like he was almost about to grin which irritated you. Why was he being entertained all of a sudden? You felt a flicker of annoyance and slight anger shooting through you, making you frown a bit.

“No, of course I like you. Why wouldn’t I like my soulmate who kidnapped me, ruined my village and life and treats me like I’m a piece of shit? I’m happy to be ignored and neglected from my soulmate who seems to not like me at all.” You could not help the sarcasm dripping from your voice whilst watching him through narrowed eyes. The last sentence from you was half the truth and half a lie. You were content with him not acknowledging your presence, it saved you from his outbursts or forced affections. On the other hand it also led you to feeling a often a tingling pain of abandonment in your chest which you didn’t like at all. You could only curse at the connection you shared with Indra. You loathed it.

You heard him scoffing, his expression telling you that he was surprised, luckily not too negatively, by your sudden attitude. “You feel neglected?”, he asked you, giving you a somewhat mischievous look which made you even more irritated. “So you want me to give you more affection? Is that it?”

You didn’t like how close he had shifted to you, it made you uncomfortable and you refused to acknowledge the happy and warm tingling this sudden closeness seemed to cause in your body. “Tell me,”, he asked in a deeper voice,”do you think I hate you and you me?”

Against your will you felt your face heating up and your heartbeat increasing, staring almost hypnotized in those deep and black orbs of his in which you, for the first time since he had abducted you, saw the sparkles of emotions. Had they always been there? Granted, it was your first time looking him so directly in his eyes.

“I-I-umm...” That was about how you sounded right now, slapping yourself mentally out of embarrassment. Why were you all of a sudden so bashful? No, you refused to let him win this. You took a deep and shaky breath to come back to your senses. “Give me a reason to not think you would hate me despite those short moments where you fulfill the basic needs every soulmate feels when with his other half. And why wouldn’t I hate you?! You dragged me in this whole mess and because of you I-“

You were forcefully silenced in a way that made your heart nearly jump out of your chest. He kissed you, surprisingly warm lips moving in a firm way against yours. And you really should have done something against it. But the moment you felt his lips against yours for the first time since you had seen him, it was like a bomb exploded in your head and all of a sudden everything inside of you seemed to slow wonderfully down, no numb stinging, no unnecessary thoughts, only you and him.

Just for a short moment you seemed to forget what he had done, letting the overwhelming feelings of the special bond between you two get the better of you. And all of a sudden you found your arms around his neck, your body screaming to be closer to him. This didn’t go unnoticed by him and you felt something that would have been a smirk if your lips wouldn’t have affectionate-starved moved against his own. At the very least he seemed to share the same hunger for touches from you like the other way around because you felt his arms suddenly sliding around you and lifting you with surprisingly much carefulness yet also eagerness closer to him, chest pressed against chest so that you two could feel each other’s heartbeat beating in sync. It was such a blissful experience for you, suddenly having so much intimacy with the man who had refused to give you what you had always wanted despite refusing to admit so.

You almost whined when he suddenly pulled away, probably because he had realized that you were running short on air which you hadn’t even realized until you panted quickly for air, body still refusing to leave his sudden embrace.

“Are you sure that you hate me? Your actions just right now seemed to tell the opposite.” He himself seemed to be out of air, you hearing his slight panting, warm air hitting your neck and causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

You felt shame washing over you the moment you heard his questions, refusing to look him into his eyes. Your lips had pressed into an angry line, the feeling of his mouth on yours still lingering and you cussed yourself when catching yourself wishing to just slam your lips against his once again.

“What was that for right now? Did you want to torture me by showing me how pathetic this rebellious act of mine really is?” Your voice was a hushed hissing, but the bitterness laced in it was clearly audible.

“That was one of the reasons, though not the main one.” You gnashed your teeth when hearing the smugness in his voice, obviously content with what he had just seen and felt. But you also found yourself being once again confused. Not the main one? What was that supposed to mean?

You didn’t even have to ask this, he answered it without you even having to question him. “I don’t hate you. Much more on the contrary. You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

You felt a disturbing feeling starting to make it’s way up your throat, forming a lump on which you almost choked. By now his eyes seemed to blaze with a sudden storm of emotion which could be put together in a few simple yet terrifying words. Twisted and sick obsession.

“You will love me. You have no choice, but to do so. You can try to neglect your feelings for as long as you want, I can guarantee you that I’ll make sure that you’ll melt in my touches. We’re soulmates (y/n). You’ll come around sooner or later.”

[redskull199987]

I was wondering if u can make a one shot with Jason Todd titans reacting to reader self harming because I’m feeling depressed

Of course, love. So, I tried to make up a storyline that kinda fits into this universe. I'm sorry if it's not how you imagined. I made it a gn!reader cause you didn't say anything specific. I hope thats okay!

And if you wanna talk, I'm always here. Just message me, alright? You don't have to deal with this alone, I'm here<3

Anytime

Jason Todd x gender neutral!reader Request

Word count:1.2k

Warnings: Self Harm, Canon typical violence

Summary: You didn't want him to find out this way, but he helps you to find comfort in times of trouble

Masterlist

Where was he? Where was Jason? He's been out so often lately and I had difficulties finding him, especially in the wonderful city of San Francisco.

So, here I am. A couple blocks away from the Titans tower, walking home alone in the pouring rain.

I sniffled silently, pulling my jacket tighter around my body. I didn't feel like going home. If I could even call it home after all the stuff that happened in the last few days. With Jason being captured by Deathstroke and Connor saving his life and all that shit, everyone seemed to be busy with themselves and I was kind of close to just pack my stuff and leave, if it wasn't for Jason.

I stopped. I stood in front of the building and sighed. I hoped that the others were already asleep and that Jason, wherever he was, was safe.

I was about to step inside, when I heard a Bang coming from across the street. I turned around and peered through the alley on the other side of the street.

It seemed empty, but the bang, sounding like a low gun shot, got me curious.

I crossed the street, while pulling up my hood. I didn't have my suit with me and there wasn't enough time to get it.

A rustle caught my attention. I slowly started to look around, when I heard a gun cock.

I turned around and saw a man standing in front of me, the barrel of his gun pointed at me.

I slowly put my hands up. "Easy", I mouthed.

"Don't worry, mate. It'll be over soon", he smirked and proceeded to pull the trigger, but I was faster.

I quickly ducked away and kicked the gun out of his hand. He looked at me surprised for a second. And one second was enough. I got up and punched him in the face. The man fell down and groaned in agony.

I scoffed and turned around again. The alley seemed empty, but something was wrong, I felt it.

And if I didn't know it, another man suddenly came running towards me. He had a knife in his right hand and a purse in the other.

When he spotted me, standing in the way, he suddenly stopped.

"Get out of the way!", he screamed and looked behind him.

Someone was already after him.

"Not in a hundred years", I said.

He groaned and attacked me with the knife. I quickly dodged him and kicked his left shin. He screamed and fell to his knees. I proceeded to punch him in the face but I somehow forgot his knife, which he now swung and subsequently sliced through my arm.

I backed off and pressed a hand onto my bleeding upper arm.

The man was about to get up, when a dark figure appeared behind him and put him to sleep with one punch on the back of his head.

I looked up, but hissed at the sudden movement. My arm burned like hell and if this man in front of my was not on my side, I had no chance to win against him, not with my arm in this condition.

The person stepped out of the shadows and I sighed in relief, when I recognized Jason. He was wearing his Robin suit and eyed the other man on the ground.

"Good job", He mumbled and pointed at the man he just knocked out, "Except for this one"

I only scoffed and proceeded to step forward but my blood loss quickly brought me to my knees.

Jason was with me within a second:"Hey,are you alright!?"

"Sure", I breathed, "Just a tiny wound"

I lifted my hand and noticed that it was drained with blood, just as my jacket.

"Shit", I heard Jason mumbled, as he carefully took me in his arms and picked me up.

"Hey, I can walk on my own", I complained.

Jason chuckled while he ran across the street towards the Titans building:"Not right now, I presume"

"Good point", I mumbled.

A few minutes later, we arrived at the top of the building.

The elevator doors opened and Jason quickly raced to the kitchen counter and helped me sit down on it.

He carefully helped me out if my jacket.

"Shit", I hissed.

"I'm sorry", Jason mumbled. He eyed the cut in my arm,"It'll need stitches"

I only nodded while he ran around the apartment to get all the stuff he needed.

He had just pulled a T-shirt over his head when he stepped back inside. His clothes loosely hang around his body and he had a medical kit under his arm. He must have changed as fast as he could.

"Alright its gonna hurt, okay?", He said and looked at me.

I nodded and he poured the disinfectant over my wound. I grabbed his arm and tried not to scream.

My breath was ragged while he cleaned the wound to stitch it up.

"Y/N, you have to stretch your arm please. Just for a second", Jason mumbled. He looked at me, an apologetic look on his features.

"Okay Okay", I whispered.

He carefully grabbed my hand and pulled it towards him, stretching my arm.

Suddenly, I felt his hands on my wrist. My eyes widened and I quickly pulled my arm away. I whimpered in pain at the sudden movement.

"Y/N, are you-"

"Jason, please", I mumbled, my eyes closed. I couldn't bare looking at him. This was not how I wanted him to find out.

"Please just patch me up", I said. He nodded and grabbed Needle and thread, starting to stitch up the wound.

A few minutes of silence passed and no one said a word. Jason finally cut the thread and put down the needle. He threw away the bloody cloths and packed up the medical equipment.

I hoped off of the counter and tried to get away as fast as possible, but Jason grabbed my healthy arm and effectively stopped me from leaving.

"Please talk to me", He mumbled close to my ear. I sighed and leaned against him. Jason carefully put his arms around me, while trying not to touch the sore skin on my left arm.

"Jason, I-I can't e-explain it. Not really.", I said. Expressing my feelings was never a strength of mine. Especially not this feelings.

"Its alright", Jason said and kissed the top of my head,"It doesn't matter. I'm here for you"

I chuckled sadly:"You're here now"

Jason looked at me in disbelief.

"I-I'm sorry", I stuttered.

"No no no", He rambled and grabbed my shoulders,"Listen, if you ever feel like doing that again", he pointed his head at my arm, "I'm here, okay? You don't have to say anything or talk to me or whatever. I'll be there and just hold you, alright? I'll do anything for you to feel better!"

I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"D-Did I say something wrong?", Jason asked hectically.

"No no, on the contrary", I smiled and wiped away the tears, "You said all I ever needed"

Jason smiled at me. He pulled me back into his arms and I gladly accepted it.

I closed my eyes for a second. For the first time in ages, I felt...

Safe. I felt like someone finally cared enough.

"Come on", Jason whispered and took my hand, "You need to rest. That cut on your arm ain't gonna heal so fast"

I chuckled and he pulled towards his room.

"But-", I tried to protest.

"No but's, you're staying with me tonight"

"Thank you Jason, for everything", I mumbled

He smiled:"Anytime, love"

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Let the Stars Witness

Okay okay holy— omg I did it! My first request and from an admired writer of mine no less!

From @kim-monsterlings : Hi and welcome!! Really looking forward to seeing your work! ~ If you would, could I request some form of friends to lovers with an orc? (Prompts maybe like, "you deserve better.") Thank you! <3

Since it wasn't specified on what their genders are, I hope your okay with what I went with! And I kinda trailed off from the prompt (or rather it's different but similar)

Anyways you'll know when you read!

•

Pairing: Male Orc (Duruk) x Human Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: None.

•

"You know, I never thought I would be friends with anyone here, especially with someone other than my, well, species," you tell your companion, your eyes not leaving the cloudless night sky as you lied on your back on the roof of his house. The stars were out tonight.

If you told your younger self that you'd be having great escapades (if running away and getting into a series of trouble fall under that) with an orc, you would most definitely cry your eyes out because you thought were being teased, taking it as a hurtful comment. You were sensitive like that. Part of the reason why no one would even go near you, afraid they might hurt you with a pat on the shoulder or with one word alone. You became the prime target of bullies, finding twisted amusement at your pathetic reactions. A crybaby, they called you. But it wasn't your fault you didn't have much control over your emotions. You were weird, asocial, timid, maybe even depressed. Having a neglectful family didn't help either, it just worsened.

•

The morning you met Duruk was after the orientation. And it was not so good for a first impression.

Long story short, you cried.

But since you're perhaps curious as to what happened exactly, let's elaborate.

You had your headphones on, the melodic sound of gentle rain played in a 3-hour loop and blocked out other noises, your eyes glued to the path you were on. You took long and hurried steps, wishing you could teleport to your classroom and hide in the back, disappear or become invisible.

You were distracted, or should we say, focused on the ground and expecting everyone to step aside and let you through.

Well, except for the one who had his back on you.

You crashed—not an exaggeration— into something- someone massive. You stumbled back and landed on your bum, wincing from the impact. Luckily, your headphones were safe (ah yes, priorities), detaching from your ears and landing on your shoulders. When you looked up to see who it was, you thought your eyes were gonna fall off, grow little legs, and scamper away.

Before you stood an orc, halfway turned to glance at whoever it was that tried to push him, his sharp tusks jutting out from his maw. His brows were furrowed as he looked down on you. Sure, he wasn't as tall as the orcs you've seen around the city and campus but still was over 6 feet, with muscles thicker than your thighs, easily hulking you.

You tried to get out an apology and run as far as you could go, but you just sat there, frozen as you strained your neck to meet his gaze, you couldn't look away. Your heart was trying to claw its way out into the surface.

Then you felt the tears swell up.

They cascaded down your face before you even could stop them.

The orc's eyes widened at your reaction and crouched down to your level in an instant that he almost fell over. His hands hovered, not sure what to do.

"Hey, hey, please don't cry. Please don't—"

"I-I-I'm re..really s-sorry p-please don't hurt m-me..." You managed to choke out pathetically, hiccuping in every word.

"Shhh now hey, it's okay. It was an accident— what? No! Why would I do that?" he replied. The orc peeked over his shoulder and to the sides. "Let's get you to somewhere, uh, less crowded," he added. You turned your head and saw that you had an audience, whispers went around as they sent pitiful and disgusted glances in your direction, only making you cry even more.

He proceeded to unceremoniously lift you into his arms, bridal style, and dashed away. You gripped the front of his shirt and shut your eyes. You were trembling now, scared of what he might do to you. How could you even fight back with your small stature?

It wasn't long until you felt him slow down and placed you carefully on a bench. The orc knelt in front of you, brows scrunched up as he studied your face.

"You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

You didn't reply, only staring at him through your glassy eyes as you heaved.

You flinched when his hand started rubbing your back, his other hand placed on the side of the bench to balance himself.

He continued to caress your back and murmured soothing words in hopes of calming you down.

Your tears didn't stop falling until moments later when you came down from your initial fear, the warmth of his palm leaving your back once you did. All the while the orc remained where he was, at a loss of what to do next.

You rubbed your sticky face with the collar of your pale and blotchy crimson sweater, sniffing and taking slow, deep breaths before you spoke.

"I... I'm sorry for causing you trouble. E-Even going as far as to take me somewhere quiet. I...appreciate that." You thought you'd pass out with the way people gathered around you, it was suffocating. "Thank you..."

"I panicked," he started, "Sorry—I mean, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong. I get that a lot of people run away from the sight of me, but you didn't, and just froze there on the ground so..." he shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

You shook your head. He was such an imposing figure to many, their first thought was most likely to get away or scream at him.

"You looked angry... When I bumped into you." You slammed into him actually, but he didn't budge an inch. Guess it was one-sided.

"Oh, that? Well, my brother scolds me a lot for having such a grumpy face, scaring humans away. Like he was the one to talk when he's taller and bigger than me! People would faint on the spot when they see him, I bet!"

The image your mind conjured up tore a laugh out of your body, two orcs arguing about how not to terrify people at sight was damn hilarious. When was the last time someone made you laugh like this?

The orc grinned, your reaction a contrast to that of earlier.

You opened your mouth to say something but the ringing of the great bell resounded, cutting you off. The two of you stood up as you realized you were late for your first class of the school year.

"So, uh, what now?" you asked.

"How about we go to our class, then maybe meet up later? Oh, fu— my mother will gut me— I haven't introduced myself!" He blurted out, his voice making you yelp with the sudden outburst.

Clearing his throat, he reached out, "I'm Duruk."

In turn, you gave him your name, taking his hand and smiled. "Hello, Duruk."

•

True to his word, you met again later when lunch came. The cafeteria was packed so you settled on getting the convenience food they offered and eat somewhere quiet.

Your conversation that day spiraled when you found out the two of you had a lot in common. From your favorite rock band to your favorite flavor of ice cream.

You both strongly agreed that vanilla ice cream was superior.

You agreed to meet up during breaks, always having something to chat about.

Eventually, you became inseparable.

He even changed and transferred to your class just so the two of you could be together at the start of the day rather than walk half of the campus to see each other every time.

You became best friends, sharing each moment in school, may it be helping the other stay awake in a boring class, or copying homework when one of you forgot to do it. Soon enough, Duruk started inviting you to his house to hang out. He did mention he had four other siblings, but he lived alone. You came by almost every night and on whole weekends to escape from home, only a few miles in between. No one would notice you gone anyways, but you returned around midnight, not wanting to impose on Duruk no matter what he says, so he walks you back instead.

You basked in each other's company. The odd and scrutinizing glares didn't go unnoticed when you two were together, but you shrugged them all off.

It didn't take long before you started having feelings for the orc, a little wishful thinking that you could be more than friends. You noted lately that his touches would linger seconds longer than usual, hugs and even a hand on your shoulder and back seem to be warmer and —you dare say— affectionate. It weighed heavily on your heart, your simple crush turned into something else, and it only grew with each passing day, and every laugh you shared.

But of course, you swatted those away, buried them deep inside every damn time they climb back up. Who could even love you? Yes, you have Duruk, he likes you, you think. But that's the end of it. Just close buddies. You can't take the risk of ruining your friendship with him and make things awkward with the only one you had! What if he stops talking to you, weirded out by your confession? You don't want to go back to being alone again, your heart can't take the rejection that came with it.

So you endured.

•

A little over five months ever since the embarrassing accident, here you are now, stargazing with your best friend.

"Well, good thing you didn't watch where you were going that time then," he says, chuckling beside you. His hands cushioned his head against the hard surface. "I wouldn't have..." he trails off.

"Hm, what?" you ask. Duruk went silent and didn't answer you for a time. You were about to let it slide but then he breathes in audibly.

"I wouldn't have met an angel if you did. Should've caught you in my arms, but sadly I didn't move fast enough." He replies, his voice deep and mellow.

You straighten up and turn to face him, your brows shot up, incredulous to what he just implied.

"W-Wait. What?" you squeak, your heart thumping hard in your chest, your skin warming up even in the chilled night air.

Is he—

"You're so cute, y'know that? Fuck it, it's all or nothing," he whispers under his breath as he sits up to face you. His expression was unreadable, but you see in his mahogany eyes a familiar glint of determination. "I'm not good with long-ass speeches so I'll make this short," he breathes in before he continues, "I feel something for you, for a while now, more than a best friend does, like...in a romantic sense. I want to cherish you and hold you in my arms every time I see you, I- ah fuck- damn it I just—" he growls, "I love you, so much and if you don't love me back then please re—"

You shut him off with your lips against his, Duruk's tusks pressing against your cheeks as you held his face in your hands. He was stunned for two solid seconds before returning the kiss, his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you close and into his lap.

You feel something wet roll down your hand and you immediately jerked back to see his face. The orc was crying.

Did you do it wrong? Were you so terrible at it—

"I don't deserve you... A monster like me doesn't deserve an angel like you."

Where was this coming from??

"Say that again, I dare you."

"I don't de—"

This idiot!

You pecked his lips to cut him off.

"You big dummy," you begin, "I love you too, idiot. You may be a monster but not what everyone else defines you as. I love you as you are. You're my best friend, and dare I say my l-lover now. Is that right...?"

Duruk gives you a small, gentle smile, "If you'll have me, then yes, for as long as you want me to be." He says, sniffling a sob as a couple more tears tumbled down his rugged face.

You never thought you'd see him like this. He was the one who kept making you laugh with his stories and terrible jokes. Before you, in your hands was someone vulnerable, his eyes soft and fond as he gazed into yours.

It made your heart pound and it hurt.

You leaned in and he met you halfway, kissing once again, deeper and more intimate this time. Real. You brought your arms around his neck, your tears spilling out and he tightened his grip around you. It felt like a dream, too good to be true, but the way he hugged you like you were the only thing that anchored him in this world made you believe it wasn't. All of this was real and you couldn't be anymore happier.

From above, the glittering stars, the light gentle as they shone, bear witness to two freed hearts, bottled up feelings gushing out like a broken dam as you embraced one another and lost yourselves in the moment of bliss, cheeks stained and clothes lightly damp from the tiny rivulets of liquid that dropped down.

It's a lovely night, isn't it?

[heyitsmerose]

Letting Go

Pairing: Broken!Reader x Stranger!Yunho

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt Comfort

Word Count: 12.1k

Summary: You've never felt more down. Despite having a loving family and studying at a good school you still aren't happy. You may have many objective luxuries, but you don't have anyone to talk to. The stress from all around you is getting to you and you finally break. You can't take this anymore. Deciding to finally take matters into your own hands and end this for good, you go to your favourite bridge one last time to say your goodbyes to the world. Until someone stops you that is...

Warnings/Disclaimer: In no way do I mean to romanticise mental illness. Through this oneshot, I want to show depression and other mental heath issues for what they are. I will not sugar coat anything and will show them for how exhausting and painful they are. Again, I am not writing this to romanticise mental illness, rather provide comfort and create a safe space to talk about mental health. Remember, it's never too late to get help, and I'm always here for you. It can be as small as personally messaging me how you're feeling today, I'm here to listen :) This oneshot will obviously be talking about suicide, depression, obsession and mental health in general. If these topics trigger you, this oneshot may not be for you.

Suicide

Depression

Swearing

Mentions of Sexual Abuse

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Youtube Playlist

1:05  ───|────── 2:53

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*I've spent a few weeks on this, I'm sorry if there are spelling errors, I've read the entire thing maybe 5-6 times.

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Facing the window in front of you, you sighed. You felt numb. It was raining and was around 6 pm. It was cloudy outside and the rain made the sky a few shades darker than normal. One of your windows was opened and you could smell the rain. The earth smell that made you feel all giddy inside. Excitement used to bubble inside you whenever you recognized the familiar scent of the wet earth, it indicated that it was going to rain. You loved the rain. It felt so comforting and the sound of the raindrops calmed you. At least that's how it used to feel. Now, you feel numb. Unaware of your surroundings and unfazed by a natural phenomenon that once caused you joy.

You sighed looking outside. It was frustrating. The rain that once comforted you was now frustrating. The constant pitter-patter noises bothered you and you were unable to get anything done. You slammed the window shut with all the force you could muster and plopped yourself back on your chair, redirecting your attention to what was on the desk. Ahh right, you had homework to finish. The bright screen of your laptop burned your eyes and caused them to feel sore but you couldn't care less.

You had 2 essays due tomorrow and although that didn't sound like a lot it was just the tip of the iceberg. Not only did you have 2 essays to start (and finish on the same day), you also had an oral presentation you had to give tomorrow for your music class. You didn't have your presentation ready and you were presenting to over 50 other people.

You had everything you could have possibly wanted. Your parents were not too rich but you were quite well off with a duplex in a multi-story apartment. Your dad had a stable career and was the country manager of a company giving him a good amount of power. Your mother was a social butterfly and had many connections. They sent you to a private school and let you study what you wanted. Although you didn't have any close friends in school, you had a few people you sat with.

See? You had everything you could have possibly wanted but you were still miserable. You knew this wasn't normal. For the past few months, you felt numb. There wasn't a better word to describe it. You felt apathetic and unfazed by everything. You were slowly starting to lose interest in the things you once found thrilling and fun and felt disconnected from reality. Your own parents felt like strangers and you felt like you couldn't talk to them. In actuality, your parents were loving and provided you with everything you could have possibly wanted. They took really good care of you and regularly showed affection. They were also quite understanding and were easy-going and fun. The fact that your parents are so caring makes you feel all the more guilty about telling them. You can't tell anyone.

You huffed, running your hands through your hair roughly. You gripped the roots of your hair and began to feel it again. The feeling of darkness creeping into your mind.

"what's the point of this?"

"I want this to stop"

"When will it get better?"

"Does it ever get better?"

In all honesty, you felt hopeless. You had to begin and finish 2 whole essays and prepare your presentation. Listening to music, eating anything, or even taking a break were useless, they would just distract you. You chewed the end of your pencil enough to make the end of it dent. Your teeth hurt but you continued doing so. At least the physical pain would distract you from this crazy workload. Or so you thought... You began to type on your laptop. You were writing your mid-term paper and were given the freedom to pick whatever topic you wanted as long as you felt like it expressed your emotions.

You typed the first thing that came to mind.

"I want to escape. I keep wanting for this to stop, I keep expecting everything to get better. It never does. It's an endless cycle of work and just more work. I feel like a robot and in all honesty, the lack of emotion is the only thing I'm feeling"

Your face had a stoic expression as your fingers fluttered across the keyboard. The gentle noise of keys clicking was the only thing heard for another hour or so. You didn't take any breaks and just wanted to get it done. At this point, you didn't care if it was good or even decent, you just wanted to get it done. That was very unlike you though. You were no topper, but you considered yourself quite hardworking and diligent. You were slowly falling behind though, but you couldn't care less. You just wanted to get it over with.

In the essay you wrote, you didn't get too personal, you simply wrote about your feelings and personified them. You spoke about your feelings as if they were an obstacle in your way. Despite being quite specific, you made it seem as though you were not talking about yourself. You fixed up the grammar and printed out your paper, stapling it, ready to submit it tomorrow. You looked outside and by now it was way darker. It was around 8:30 and it was time for dinner.

You went downstairs to get your plate of dinner and greeted your mom.

"Y/n, you're finally here, I almost forgot you were even living in this house" She chuckled and your dad joined in. You didn't laugh though.

"Hey, cheer up, your mom was just kidding, is everything alright?" Your dad chimed in.

In all honesty, you knew your mom didn't mean it, she was just kidding, but mocking you for the amount of workload you had didn't seem right. The question by your dad, however, completely caught you off guard. In your heart, you knew you weren't. You noticed how you started drifting off and spacing out while someone was talking to you. You noticed how you stopped feeling joy and noticed how you never had time for anything but school. Your face was glued to the ground and you nodded. You didn't want to lie, but you couldn't help it. You'd feel guilty for possibly making them feel like it was their fault.

Your parents both just sighed and your mom held your hand. She brought you to sit at the dining table and looked at you with nothing but love in her eyes.

"Y/n... We know something is bothering you. You know you can tell us anything right?" Your mom asked as she cupped your cheek. You looked back up at her and saw both of your parents looking at you worriedly.

You could feel the back of your eyelids stinging. Your throat got dry and you felt a burning in your nose. This was it. This was your chance to finally tell them how you felt. You wanted to tell them everything. From how you felt incompetent, to the constant stress and pressure. You wanted to finally break down your walls and tell them that you lacked the feelings you felt before. But you couldn't. The lump in your throat grew and you felt the corners of your eyes getting wetter. You couldn't get any words out. You badly wanted to just let it all out, but the words were stuck in your throat.

You also couldn't just break down all of a sudden or they would get really worried. You couldn't let them watch you break down. You would never forgive yourself if they ever thought the way you were feeling was because of them.

You simply sucked in a deep breath of air and looked away before they noticed anything was wrong.

"I just have a lot of work. I have more to do though, so if you could excuse me." You said, your voice wavering as you walked away from them.

"What about your dinner?" Your mom asked pointing at the counter. You just sighed and picked up a plate of food. Your hands trembled and your lip quivered from the overwhelming situation and you rushed to your room as fast as you could. As soon as you left, your mom just sighed and looked at your dad and her face showed immense concern. He brought her into his warm embrace reassured her. You would come to them when the time was right. You would eventually tell them what was bothering you. right? Although you didn't want them to feel guilty, they already did.

The second you reached your room upstairs you locked the door behind you. You tossed the food into the dustbin near your desk and put the plate aside. You felt guilty. Every day your mom would make you a full course meal only for you to throw it away without even having a bite. You couldn't help it though. You had a lot of work to do and eating was not your first priority. Besides, you already had lunch. This was not a rare occurrence. You would usually skip breakfast and dinner, directly eating lunch. Your stomach growled but you couldn't care less.

You rushed into the bathroom in your room and closed the door behind you. Your back slid down the door and your hands flew to your face. You almost blew your cover. It was quite an overwhelming situation. Your hands covered your mouth as the first sob wracked through your body. You were lucky that you were in the bathroom, in your room, on the second floor, it was practically impossible for anyone to hear you.

Your hands moved up to your hair as you gripped it tightly in between your fingers. Slowly, more cries came out. The bathroom echoed with your sobs and heavy breathing. You tried muffling your cries to no avail. You sobbed loudly while you shoved your palm against your mouth trying to stop yourself from crying but nothing worked. You tried digging your fingernails into your palm to distract yourself from all the emotional pain with physical pain but it still didn't work.

You tried breathing steadily only to break out into sobs a few seconds later. You let out gut-wrenching sobs that had been bottled up for too long now. Your throat was raw and your nose was red.

"Make it stop" You whispered to yourself. Were you being dramatic? Were you overreacting? You didn't know and you didn't care. Your sobs slowly died down but your hands were still clamped over your mouth trying to get them to stop completely.

After a few minutes, you went to wash your face. You noticed your eyes were red and your hair was not in a bun anymore but was now all over the place. You sighed and washed your face with cold water trying to remove any traces of that sudden breakdown. Besides, you just wasted around 20 minutes of your time, crying when you could have been working and finishing off your other essay.

You didn't care to change your clothes and sat back on your desk. You sighed and looked out the window again. The rain had died down and there was now just a cool breeze. A layer of mist had collected after the rain coating the trees and plants outside. Despite living in the city, your window faced a big green space. In the mornings there were usually only around 3 people at max, making it quite empty. At night it was even more serene and lonely.

You drew shapes on your windows while trying to think of a topic to write your essay about. Your second essay was supposed to be an analysis report about any experiment of your choice.

You chose to write about the expectancy-value theory.

The Expectancy Value Theory suggests that motivation for a given behavior or action is determined by two factors: (i) expectancy, ie, how probable it is that a wanted (instrumental) outcome is achieved through the behavior or action; (ii) value, ie, how much the individual values the desired outcome.

You scoffed as you read it. Lies. All you've been taught to do is the work you've been given in school. You didn't want to do it. You didn't find it interesting and you couldn't care less about failing if it was up to you. The only reason you were working was because school wanted you to. If you had the option, you would gladly stop. So no, the expectancy-value theory, in your mind was not correct, since for some people, ie. you, motivation didn't come from yourself, rather it came in the form of forced requirements from others. Others have high expectations and expect good quality work from you, but if you were given the choice, you would take care of yourself instead of focussing so much on your studies. The expectancy theory, in your mind, as false as the only thing influencing you to work was other people forcing you.

You decided that was the perfect thesis for your essay and began to write. Although the point of the essay was to discuss the findings of the experiment, you went in a different direction. You wrote your entire essay about disproving that stupid experiment. You didn't discuss the data results but instead countered them with your own data. After another hour or so of aggressive typing and writing shit about Martin Fishbein, you decided you were finally done and decided to finish off your essay. You were happy with the way it turned out, although it was certainly not what was asked of you.

You wrapped up your essay by simply restating your points and you printed that too. By this point, it was already 11 pm and although you weren't sleepy, you just wanted to get this over with and rest. Your final task for tomorrow was your music presentation. All you had to do was pick your favorite classical piece and write a bit about it.

Music was one of the only hobbies you liked. You took pride in composing and making music, however, your school had ruined it for you. The only things they made you do were to analyze pieces of music and discuss the elements of music and their implication. You never got to actually compose or make your own music so you started to dread it as a subject too.

You picked up the first piece that came to mind. Dvorak's 'Humoresque'. Wow, how original, you thought. You began to listen to the piece and understand it better. As a kid, this used to be your favorite piece. Now? It just feels bland. It doesn't feel the way it used to. You began scribbling a few quick points about the song before beginning your presentation.

After taking notes, you finally began working on your presentation. In total, it took around 4 hours to finish and it was exactly 4 am. You sighed and uploaded your presentation to a pen drive before packing up your bag for school.

You had to be up for school by 7 anyway, so you'd get 2-3 hours of sleep at max. You hopped into bed as soon as you were done, not caring about putting anything back or even changing your clothes.

Unfortunately, unlike you hoped, you weren't able to fall asleep as soon as your head crashed onto the pillow. Instead, your mind preoccupied with other things was way too clouded with stressful thoughts to let you relax enough to fall asleep.

You tossed and turned in bed as your stomach growled. You huffed and tried blocking out the feeling. You didn't regret skipping dinner, it was necessary to finish off your work. You sighed and closed your eyes, trying to sleep. You lied for at least 10 minutes simply doing nothing. You tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing worked. Your mind was simply too preoccupied to let you rest. you closed your eyes trying to calm yourself, only for your thoughts to go back to yesterday evening. You remembered the short conversation with your parents and how they seemed genuinely concerned. Did they know what was happening to you? They were your parents, after all, they probably figured something was wrong.

Thinking about your relationship with them, you felt guilty. You realized how your conversations were never longer than 5-10 minutes and you were always the one to cut them short. You didn't spend as much time with them as you used to, instead of dedicating all your time to studying.

All of a sudden, you remembered how they used to take care of you when you were a child. You remembered the first time they taught you how to ride a bike, your first day of school, and your middle school graduation. You can't remember the last time you all were together as a family and enjoyed yourselves. You were usually too busy and you regretted it.

Unconsciously, you sniffled, your eyes getting watery again. You huffed, roughly wiping and rubbing your eyes, embarrassed that all it took for you to get emotional was a few memories. You sighed shakily, trying to get your thoughts away from that, or else you knew you'd have another breakdown. Still not being able to fall asleep for another 45 minutes, you gave up.

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You got up and checked your phone, only to see that the time was 6:30 am. How perfect. You didn't bother combing your hair and tied a messy bun, too tired and too unbothered to even attempt to look decent. You hopped into the bathroom, brushing your teeth and grabbing a towel. You looked back into the mirror as you did yesterday during your mini breakdown. You had dark circles under your eyes, your eyes were red and your nose was tinted pink. You couldn't care less though.

You hopped into the shower and turned the temperature to max coldness, trying to wake yourself up to make yourself look less tired and well... less dead. You shivered at the temperature but bared it for the sake of looking slightly presentable and more awake.

You grabbed your soap and began to lather some on your hands. A few seconds later though, you felt a mild stinging sensation on both of your palms. You quickly washed away the soap as it was starting to burn and inspected your hands. Your palms. They were bruised and cut slightly. You stared at your palms and the crescent-shaped cuts on both of your palms. There were exactly 4 crescent-shaped cuts on each palm with a bunch of bruising around it. You realized it was from digging your fingernails into your palms yesterday. You did so in an attempt to stop crying but it didn't work. Oh well, now you have this to worry about as well, could your life get any worse? You made sure to carefully lather on the soap being wary of the cuts on your palms.

After you took a bath and got ready, you made sure to double-check that you had packed both your essays and the presentation pen drive. After confirming, you grabbed your backpack and hurried downstairs. Although you felt guilty for randomly rushing out during dinner, you didn't want to confront your parents. The nerves from your upcoming presentation were creeping up onto you and you were beyond terrified. You didn't feel hungry and didn't want any confrontation.

You quickly hurried down the stairs and avoided your parents' eyes. At this point, it had become regular for you to leave the house without a word. Your mom wouldn't bother too much since she knew you'd usually buy yourself something to eat at school itself. Or so she thought. It was a lie you told her a long time ago. Despite this, due to your unfinished conversation yesterday you feared they would come after you or confront you so you avoided them at all costs and rushed outside. Lucky for you, your parents didn't mind too much and carried on with what they were doing.

Outside, you noticed how the mist from yesterday had settled and was now fogging up the roads slightly. The mist collected on the grass on the side of the sidewalks in the form of dewdrops and you could smell the same earthy smell. You checked your phone once to get a glimpse of the time and realized you were quite early. Despite this, you still couldn't calm your nerves.

You gripped both straps of your backpack, not lifting your head. You stared at the ground kicking small pebbles along your way. The entire walk to school was quite uneventful and not too interesting. You mainly stayed on the same side of the sidewalk and luckily nothing came in your way. It was a 5-7 minute walk to school since you lived quite close to school and didn't see the point in wasting gas.

Once you reached your school, you tried ignoring everyone in your way, just trying to submit your essays. You were quite nervous and just wanted to remove some burden from your shoulders so submitting your essays early in the morning would be the best option. You rushed into the school building immediately setting your target on your science class that was a few floors up.

Fortunately, the hallways and stairways were mostly empty with just a few teachers and staff and maybe 5-7 students. That was one of the perks of being this early, you could get things done freely without being rushed by the students. You decided to stop at the principles office first, and then drop off your science essay.

You had to drop off your mid-term essay outside the principles office where a few teachers were collecting them. You made your way to the outside of your principal's office to drop off your paper. While walking there, the pace of your heart quickened, although you were simply dropping off your essay, something about being this close to the principles office didn't sit right with you. As you got closer you could feel the tingly feeling in your stomach, caused by the nerves. You carefully walked right in front of the drop-off desk and greeted the teacher. You were asked to fill in your name and the date dropped off, so you were handed a pen.

You were mindful not to let the pen put pressure against the cuts in your palm, but couldn't help but wince softly as the pen brushed against them as you picked it up. The teacher simply looked at you and you forced a smile. As soon as you dropped off your essay, you rushed away from there as soon as possible to a less scary area.

You made your way to your science class and dropped off your essay about expectancy value and took your seat in class. You were quite proud of the essay you wrote since you felt like you portrayed your opinion quite well. You also had science first period anyways, so you took your usual seat near the window in the front of the class and started to unpack.

You waited for at least 10 to 15 minutes before your science teacher came into class. He wasn't surprised that you were early since you usually came quite early. When you noticed he entered class, you immediately averted eye contact and looked somewhere else. In all honesty, your science teacher scared you.

All the other girls gushed over how he was just 5 or 6 years older than you and was handsome. You didn't see what they saw in him as you knew he had ulterior motives. You noticed the blatant sexism in class and how he always paid more attention to the girls, explaining it to them in detail while just brushing off the guys. You noticed how whenever everyone left class, he would stare at the exposed legs of the female students caused by the knee-length skirt that was a part of the school uniform. You noticed how he would favor the girls in general, letting them have their way, even letting them use their phones in class from time to time.

Although he hadn't made any advances, he was still really sleazy in general, and the very thought of him creeped you out. You didn't have too many personal encounters with him, just a few weird looks here and there, so you tried to avoid him as much as you could. When he noticed that you were not paying attention to him he sighed and collected his things. Usually, he would simply leave you alone, knowing school would start soon, but since the both of you were quite early he tried making conversation.

"Hey Y/n, Good morning!" He said all of a sudden. You whipped your head up, surprised that he was talking to you since he had never done so before.

"Hi" You hesitantly replied making sure to not seem too nervous, but also look a little busy so he would leave you alone.

"How's everything going? Are you feeling okay?" Although you knew he asked you that question simply wanting to ask you how you were feeling, you couldn't help but think to last night when you had a similar conversation with your parents.

"U-um, I'm fine, yeah, I'm good" You stuttered, diverting your attention elsewhere indicating you were done with the conversation.

He simply sighed and sat back down on top of his desk. He noticed that you had submitted your science essay/report and decided to read a bit of it before class started hopefully to give you someone on one feedback.

He picked up the paper and the rustling of the pages alerted you. You looked back at him only to notice that he was reading your essay. You felt nauseous and giddy all of a sudden. He wasn't supposed to be reading your essay now, especially in front of you. Your mouth got dry and you tried to calm yourself. You looked away so he wouldn't notice your stare as he continued reading for the next 2 or 3 minutes.

You looked back at him from time to time and noticed how his eyebrows were scrunched. You saw his somewhat disappointed expression and your stomach dropped. Was your essay not okay? Was he going to fail you? Your breaths got shallower and you looked around trying to calm yourself. All of a sudden, your science teacher spoke.

"Y/n, this was not what was asked of you" He stated matter-of-factly. You felt frustrated and embarrassed and your heart was in your throat. You tried clearing your throat to be able to speak. You looked back up at him, finally making eye contact, and gulped.

"I don't- I don't understand, I did what was-" You finally got out, only to be interrupted by him again.

"No, you didn't. It seems like you're disproving the experiment instead of proving it true. Meet me after class, we can discuss how to fix it." He stated, looking at you with a distressed smile. You forced back a smile and quickly looked away.

Eventually, students began to fill up the class and around 10 minutes after that dreadful conversation, the class had finally started. Unfortunately for you, you kept spacing out and couldn't pay attention to what was being taught due to your mind lingering on your stupid science essay. You began to think it was your fault. Maybe you hadn't studied hard enough? Maybe you just weren't smart enough? You put your head down and proceeded to bear the next 85 minutes or so, absentmindedly.

Luckily for you, your teacher hadn't called on you even once. He simply kept teaching and asking other students questions. You noticed how he tried to make jokes from time to time while all the girls giggled, and although your head was down, you knew he most likely had a smug smile on his face. You scoffed and kept getting lost in your thoughts. After what felt like an eternity, you finally through the class.

Now, it was time to finally confront your science teacher after class and you were not looking forward to it. You acted as if you were packing your bag so the other students wouldn't suspect anything. The last thing you wanted was for them to think you were spending time outside class with your science doing god knows what.

After everyone left, you sat back at your desk and waited for him to call on you, or notice you hoping, to get this over with as soon as possible. He grabbed your paper again and went through it again. You sighed and looked down. He slowly shifted his gaze towards you and ushered for you to grab a chair and sit next to his desk.

You huffed and picked up your chair dragging it to his desk. You plopped it down and took a seat on it. He sighed and brought his chair next to yours sitting on it as well. He began to explain that the experiment that he expected was a 'scientific' one with tangible results instead of a "social experiment" to quote directly. You huffed getting annoyed, how could he say that psychological studies weren't as valid? They were equally important. You sighed and looked away getting frustrated.

He wanted to explain it better, and went to get his pen that was next to you. Instead of asking you to give it to him, like a normal person, he rested his hand on your knee, reaching over to get it. On the outside, you kept your cool but inside you were freaking out. You glared daggers at his hand which was on your knee and didn't lift your gaze, as if staring at his hand was going to make him take it off.

Even after he reached over and got his pen, his hand was still on your thigh. He began to talk about some random experiment but you weren't paying attention. Why wasn't he taking his hand off you? You tried adjusting and moving your leg, crossing them over, to get him to let go, but his grip was firm.

"Hey, Y/n are you listening?" He clarified all of a sudden. You slowly pulled your gaze away from your knee and looked him dead in the eye. You glared at him, indicating you didn't want this. Despite this, he just didn't know when to stop, did he?

"Hey, calm down, what's wrong?" He asked sincerely. If only his actions reflected the same care, you knew he knew what he was doing. In an attempt to calm you down, his hand moved further up, grasping your thigh. You gasped and looked up at him with your mouth agape.

"Let go." You said sternly, you knew he was your teacher but he had to know his limits.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that, it's alright," He said, the grip on your thigh becoming tighter. No, this was most definitely not okay. Due to the thin fabric of your school uniform skirt, you could feel his hand completely. You scrunched your eyebrows in disgust as you tried scooting backward. He got up though, towering over your shorter figure. You tried pulling away only for him to grip tighter.

"I didn't do anything" He stated firmly, grasping your wrist. He held your wrist tightly, not letting go. You cowered under him, still trying to pull yourself away.

"You don't want this?" He asked shamelessly. You shook your head rapidly, tears stinging in your eyes. He scoffed, roughly releasing your arm. You sighed, instantly getting as far away from him as possible, grabbing your backpack. You quickly shoved your remaining stationery in the first zip you found and threw your backpack over your shoulder, rushing out.

As you were about to leave though you heard him speak up again.

"Do not speak of this to anyone. I'm afraid I will have to fail you for this paper" He said trying to make you feel guilty. You couldn't care less though, without looking back, you nodded your head and left the class.

You cleared your throat as it had closed up. You realized you were crying in the middle of the hallway, so you quickly rushed to the toilet. Luckily, no one saw you, but you still wanted to get away, to freshen yourself up. You splashed water on your face trying to forget what happened in class a few minutes ago.

After that terrifying incident with your science teacher, the rest of the day was quite uneventful. You eventually got through your other subjects including music, and your presentation was a disaster. You weren't able to pay attention to what you were saying since your mind was still in different places. You stuttered your words and kept repeating the same thing.

Your peers realized you were distracted and your teacher knew you were bothered since your presentations were usually quite clear and informative. Thus, this time, they decided to let you off the hook. You were thankful that no one commented on that crappy presentation and simply went back to your seat.

Since you had music for the last period itself you were able to call it a day right after. You decided to skip your after-school commitment since you simply had too much on your mind.

After that shitty day, you decided to try to get your mind off of it by taking a walk in the green space near your apartment. You knew that it would mostly be empty right now as it was a weekday and because it was almost 4 pm, meaning it would most likely rain again.

You were still 5 minutes away from home, so you decided to walk home to the green space nearby. The entire walk there was quite silent. You took this time to try to process and understand the emotions you were feeling. It was getting fairly chilly due to the cold breeze, wind, and mist blowing. You folded both of your arms, rubbing them up and down, trying to get rid of the coldness.

The walk was quite short and you reached there in no time. Since the green area was right in front of your apartment, you could see your window from it. As soon as you reached, you saw your car leaving the apartment. Peeking around the corner, you realized it was your car. Your dad must have just left to go see your grandparents. You tried to hide a little, just in case. If your mom saw you here she would be disappointed that you lied to your dad about meeting your teacher after school.

You found a bench that faced away from your window just in case, so no one from your apartment could see your face. By the time, you found a good spot and settled and sat down, it was around 4:30 pm. You didn't really have a reason for coming to the park. You simply wanted to get your mind off of school, the workload, the stress, and what happened in the morning, so now that you were here, you didn't know what to do. Fortunately, tomorrow was slightly lighter. You didn't have any assessments due tomorrow, but you wanted to check in with your peers to ask them what you missed in the after-school session today and revise that before tomorrow.

Other than that though, you didn't know what to do. Due to this, you ended up spacing out. You simply sat on the bench rubbing your knees from the freezing wind from time to time just staring into the abyss. Quite honestly, it didn't feel forced, awkward or uncomfortable, it felt... calming. You felt a lot of comfort in the fact that you could just take time to process everything. Your way of doing that? Sitting out in the cold breeze, staring at nothing, mind blank. It didn't feel like a waste of time and you definitely didn't regret spending your time gazing at the nature.

Ever since you were young, you had a habit of counting the birds in trees or on the ground. Today was no different. Now that you were out in the nature, it made it easier to count them. You didn't do it for any particular reason, it was just a way of coping and de-stressing. You sat for a good 2 hours just observing everything around you and not doing anything. This included counting birds, staring into nothingness, daydreaming, and spacing out. You were suddenly interrupted by a honking car nearby.

You checked the time and realized it was 6 already. You freaked out and instantly got up, picking your bag. You didn't even realize it had started to drizzle and your sweater/school uniform started collecting water in the form of small droplets. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your back, walking home, which was just a minute away, right opposite the park. You looked around making sure nobody saw you. Although you quite liked sitting out and simply doing nothing, you could understand how other people might have thought you were absolutely crazy for sitting out and doing nothing for 2 and a half hours.

You sighed looking around. You didn't want to go home just yet and didn't have anywhere else to go. The rain started getting a little heavier and you just gave up, looking up at the sky. Your clothes instantly clung to your figure and you shivered at the coldness.

You decided to take a walk around the nearby neighborhood since you didn't have anywhere else to go. This was actually quite rare. You usually never had the time to come outside and think about your life or reflect on anything as you were always cooped up in your bedroom doing work.

You huffed, rubbing your hands together. By now, your hair and clothes were drenched and your face was covered in water drops. You decided to visit the Mapo bridge to view the Han river from above. Ever since childhood, it was one of your favorite places as you were able to see the Han river below you, the Yeongdeungpo district to your left, and the Mapo district to your right. It had always been a calming sight.

It would take around 10-15 minutes to get there by car from your house but since you didn't really have access to a car right now, you had to walk. You knew it would take at least 45 minutes to get there but you still didn't care.

Unlike the two hours you spent at the park doing literally nothing, this felt different. You thought about the events happening in your life over the past few days, weeks, and months deciding to reflect on them during your journey.

You thought about your parents. How they always welcomed you with open arms while you often gave them the cold shoulder. You felt guilty that was for sure.

You thought about your friends. You had no close friends and the ones you had were slowly starting to drift away. You hadn't sat with them or even talked to them in over 2 weeks.

You thought about your studies. How you always stayed up late doing homework and taking notes while it never paid out. Instead, your crappy work just got you in more trouble.

You thought about the incident with your teacher today. How he touched you inappropriately and gripped your thigh. You shivered, pulling your skirt down slightly.

Unconsciously, tears had started to fall from your eyes. Luckily it was raining so nobody noticed anything too out of place. Despite this, you definitely got some weird stares. At first, the tears were silent. Your face was stoic while tears poured out of your eyes. Eventually though, recalling the painful memories and feelings was too much and your eyebrows furrowed. Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to contain your cries. It started off as light whimpers and occasional gasps.

You rubbed at your eyes and felt yourself losing control. Your cries got louder and you had to clasp a hand over your mouth. At this point, you didn't really care about anything else in the world and were overwhelmed by pain.

You threw your backpack onto some random chair god knows where, and continued walking. No without your backpack you felt freer, and both your hands flew to your face, as you walked in the cold rain.

Meanwhile, you had reached Mapo bridge and began to walk across the pedestrian section. Since it was raining, almost no one was on the bridge and you could finally let your emotions out freely. Your gasps got louder and you let out a strangled sob. Your hands flew to your face trying to cover it up, only for it to be followed by more cries.

As you walked to the middle of the bridge, stumbling across your steps not paying attention to what you were doing. You read the signs on the bridge.

"많이 힘들었구나" (It must be very hard)

"잘 지내지" (How are you)

"파란 하늘을 봐 봐" (Look at the blue sky)

They were mocking you. It was hard, you were not okay and nothing could make this pain better. Your eyes unconsciously closed your eyes and you let out a string of sobs. You choked on your tears, covering your face with your hands sobbing into them.

You rubbed at your eyes but nothing would stop this pain. You looked up at the Han river and thought for a moment. You looked down over the railing of the bridge and noticed the drop.

This was your chance. This was your chance to let go of all your pain and finally be free.

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Yunho was out with his friends. It was a rainy day and he had just gotten back from practice. On rainy days such as this one, he would often simply go on a drive with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung. They were the three that enjoyed the rain and loved going on long drives. Their building was in Mapo but they decided to take a drive over to Yeongdeungpo since they had the rest of the day off.

The Mapo bridge was actually quite empty today. There weren't any cars or any people on the bridge. Since this was quite a rare occurrence, they decided to savor the moment and drive slowly enjoying their playlist while listening to the rain.

Wooyoung was driving while Seonghwa and Yunho were in the back, eating snacks and Hongjoong was picking a playlist. After popping a gummy bear in his mouth, Yunho decided to look outside and observe the Han river. All of a sudden though, around a hundred meters in front of their car near the left railing, a moving figure caught his eye. He was surprised that anyone would be out in the rain at this time. As they got slightly closer he realized they didn't have an umbrella either. As the car got even closer he realized that the figure was a girl. Your hair was drenched and so were your clothes. He stared at you weirdly wondering what on earth you were doing. You simply slid down the railing sitting on the floor, sobbing your eyes out and Yunho's eyes widened. He realized you were crying as your entire body was shaking with sobs and your hands were over your face.

He suddenly felt the urge to help and spoke up.

'Woo, slow the car for one second" He whispered softly and Wooyoung simply looked back and Yunho shrugging. He obliged and slowed down the speed of the car. Yunho continued to observe you. He didn't want to get out of the car since it was raining and he didn't have an umbrella but continued to watch you.

He watched the way your hands came up from your face and you gripped the roots of your hair. He watched how you tried to cover up your cries by cupping your hand over your mouth from time to time only for your to cry harder as your eyes squinted shut.

While they were driving past slowly, everyone was minding their own business while Yunho was still staring at you. Hongjoong had realized how Yunho was giggly before and then became silent all of a sudden and decided to check up on him. Hongjoong looked up at Yunho from the rear mirror, only to find his gaze locked on something outside. Hongjoong followed his gaze and found you as well. He saw that you were crying and stayed silent not knowing what to do.

Yunho was still looking at you and didn't notice how his leader was now also intrigued. He noticed how you roughly rubbed at your eyes getting up. He thought that you were done crying and that this was just a mini breakdown. Besides, everyone had bad days and maybe your way of letting it out was crying in the rain. Hongjoong averted his eyes as he saw you get up, giving you some privacy while Yunho kept his gaze locked on you.

He noticed how you were now facing the railing and looking out at the river. All of a sudden though, he saw you take off your shoes and a sudden wave of urgency washed over him.

"Stop the car!" He yelled at Wooyoung, while everyone in the car visibly flinched at his sudden voice, looking at him with concern. Wooyoung abruptly stopped the car, causing everyone to jerk slightly. The door immediately flew open and Yunho ran out of the car not caring whether his clothes got wet. Seonghwa had gasped and scooted to Yunho's side, peeking through, looking at what was going on.

Meanwhile, Yunho's intuition was correct. He knew something was wrong and the second you took off your shoes, he knew what you were trying to do. After you took off your shoes, you firmly grasped the railing of the bridge, hoisting yourself up, to sit on it. You looked around you, making sure no one was watching, although you didn't care at this point. Your mind was made up.

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You slowly scooted to the end of the railing, your hand tightly gripping the railing. You looked down, all that was below you was a 60-foot drop and lots of water. You sighed out shakily and looked back one last time. Your hands slowly let go and you breathed in a deep breath of air. You looked up at the sky and let out a wave of sobs before pushing yourself off the railing.

You expected to immediately feel the cold breeze hitting you as you fell over the bridge but you didn't. Instead, you felt a strong force pulling you backward.

The back of your head roughly collided with the concrete ground of the bridge and you let out a yelp. You looked around you processing your surroundings. You expected to be in the water by now, taking your final breaths. Instead, you were still back on the bridge and you fell back instead of forward.

You looked around suddenly, gripping the back of your head wanting to know who or what the fuck stopped you from doing so. Although you were mad you couldn't help but cry.

You sat up on the ground, knees close to your chest as you covered your hands and sobbed. You let out such painful cries, guttural noises, filled with pain. You cried, each cry letting out more sorrow than the last.

Little did you know, someone was scanning all your actions on the side, not knowing how to process the situation that just happened. He just witnessed someone who almost committed suicide.

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The second, he realized you took off your shoes, he knew that you were going to jump. It was a common occurrence, especially on this bridge. His intuition was proven correct when he saw you hoist yourself onto the railing. You were going to jump.

His body was moving on its own at that point and kicked the door open, rushing out as fast as possible. He didn't care about his clothes or his very expensive shoes, keeping only one goal in mind. As you scooted closer to the edge of the railing his heart stopped. He sprinted to the railing as fast as he could, almost slipping along the way. He roughly wrapped his big arms around your waist and he yanked you backward. He fell back onto the bridge and let go of your waist, catching his won fall, while you simply fell backward with force.

As you broke down in front of him, he felt a stinging in his heart. By now, Hongjoong and Seonghwa had also stepped out of the car with an umbrella, a little more cautious as they stood near the car itself, giving you a little space.

Yunho decided to slowly make a move to check up on you. He called out softly, but you didn't hear him.

"Excuse me?" He asked carefully, bottom lip caught in between his teeth from nervousness. You couldn't hear him over the rain and your sobs and frankly didn't care about anything else but the overwhelming pain in your heart.

He looked around nervously, before lifting a hand. He hesitantly brought it closer to you, doubting whether to touch you. He was wondering if you'd be comfortable, but he really wanted to help. He resorted to gently tapping your shoulder with his hands to alert you of his presence.

The second you felt his touch you immediately flinched, not noticing another person's presence. You looked up at him, before clasping your hand over your mouth. Although you knew that it was futile at this point, you still tried your best to cover up your sobs. You let out a string of sobs before squeezing your eyes shut and muttering apologies nonstop.

You kept stopping yourself with your cries but continued to whisper apologies. Yunho's eyes widened as he rapidly shook his head. Why on earth were you apologizing to him? As you looked up at him he noticed how strands of your wet hair clung to your face, your swollen and red eyes as well as your pink-tinted nose. He knew you must have been crying for a long time as your eyes reflected nothing but pain as they were completely bloodshot.

"Hey, hey, hey, I've got you" He whispered as he started patting your back. You nodded as you scooted closer. At this point, you didn't care how you were acting, simply trying to process what was happening. You pulled yourself together trying to get words out.

"May, I lean on you?" You softly whispered, voice breaking in the middle. Yunho hesitantly agreed, opening his arms up for you. You broke down again. You knew that you had been crying a lot that day, and maybe you were overreacting a bit, but in the heat of the moment, you simply couldn't stop.

You leaned into his warm chest taking in his musky scent that was slowly being washed away by the rain as he slowly crept a hand up to your back, rubbing it up and down.

"I'm here, I've got you, You're alright" He whispered into your hair. He knew you weren't in the right mind, but let you have your way just for now. You scrunched his now wet hoodie in your smaller fists as you tried to regain your composure.

You pulled away from a little embarrassed and looked away, knowing very well that he had already seen you, so there was no point. Yunho scooted further a little embarrassed too.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly and you shook your head, looking back up at him. You were surprised to see that his nose was slightly pink and his eyelashes were glistening in tears too. You felt guilty and apologized, a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you," You said all of a sudden, and he shook his head rapidly.

"No, please don't apologize. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be in to want to take your own life." He whispered the last part, still not wanting to agitate you. You nodded and backed away. Yunho suddenly then realized the situation he was in, it was raining and the coldness was starting to get to him, he couldn't even imagine how much pain you must have been in to completely feel numb to it.

"It's raining and it's cold outside, do you want to sit inside our car, we have a heater" He interjected all of a sudden. You got nervous all of a sudden not knowing how to respond.

"I- I- can't-, I'm not sure" You stuttered your words and he noticed your discomfort, trying to divert the topic.

"Do you have anywhere else to go?" He asked looking at you sincerely and you shook your head. You couldn't go home like this. You averted your gaze while he tried to come up with a solution that you were comfortable with. All of a sudden though, you spoke up.

"Where are you going?" You asked and he tried to come up with a comforting answer real quick, one that would convince you to go with them.

"We are just heading to Yeongdeungpo, would you be interested in tagging along?" He asked sincerely. Your grandparents lived there, and you knew they would welcome you without asking questions, so you could go stay at theirs if you wanted to, so you nodded your head.

"Are you sure?" He confirmed with you and you nodded.

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It was safe to say the car ride there was anything but comfortable. You were in a car full of strangers wherein 2 of you were soaking wet.

"What on earth were you thinking?" One of them asked you all of a sudden, and you noticed the male who was with you earlier glared daggers back at them.

"I- um, I didn't- I'm not-" You kept fumbling over your words.

"She's not obligated to answer that." The man from earlier said sternly. You mumbled a thank you and continued to look outside. A few more minutes of silence passed as he tried to break the awkward silence.

"I never got your name by the way," He said all of a sudden, and without looking back you answered.

"Y/n," You said, cutting the conversation short. You weren't in the mood to talk. The other male nodded and introduced himself and the others.

"Well, I'm Yunho, this is Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung" He pointed at them but you didn't look at them, simply nodding, facing the other direction. Through the side mirror of the car, you noticed the boy in the front, the one that had slightly longer hair in the back, and was significantly shorter, glaring at Yunho. You assumed they were not comfortable introducing their identities just yet and you were okay with that.

Most of the car ride was quiet. You let out occasional sighs and whimpers due to the cold but there were no other comments or conversations.

Halfway through the ride though, the boy from earlier, the one who asked you what you were doing on the bridge, Seonghwa, spoke up again.

"Are you okay though?" He trailed off at the end. The other three boys looked at him with wide eyes, presumably glaring, telling him off, when you suddenly cut those thoughts off.

"I don't know" You answered sincerely. In all honestly, nobody had expected you to speak up, so when you did, they were all ears. You sighed before continuing.

"Everything is just so hard on me" You sighed out, as your voice broke at the end of the sentence. You decided that was enough or else you knew you wouldn't be able to stop if you said more. Although your answer was somewhat ambiguous, they didn't want to pressure you.

They all just nodded trying not to make it seem like a big issue. You noticed how Yunho sighed silently next to you before scooting closer to you. This didn't go unnoticed by you. His knees made contact with your fingers which were on either side of you, on the seat, and you looked back up at him questioningly.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I'm all ears, you don't have to worry about feeling vulnerable. In all honesty, it's best to let your feelings out. You seem like the type to bottle everything up, but you clearly have a lot on your mind, you can tell me if you're comfortable." He whispered sincerely, only of you to hear. You were still looking into his eyes, and unconsciously tears started welling up in your eyes again at the sincerity and care in his voice. You had never told anyone about your problems and this was your chance. A tear slipped down your cheek and you roughly wiped at it, scoffing softly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me today" You let out a soft breathy laugh, but the both of you knew it was not funny. He looked at you sternly, faux anger on his face as he felt frustrated that you were treating yourself this way, frustrated that you were reducing yourself to an emotionless robot.

"Don't say that. Emotions are what make you human, you don't need to feel embarrassed." He said and you nodded, slowly scooting closer to him. He didn't mind. Although the proximity was making him a little nervous, he was trying his best to comfort you.

He decided to test the waters by putting his arm around you. He slowly and slyly snaked his arm behind your back, since you were leaning forwards and slowly made contact with the small of your back. When he noticed that you were comfortable with it, he tried putting a little pressure to pull you closer and you went with the flow. You leaned into him, with your head on his shoulder, as one of his arms was around you. You both needed the warmth anyways as you were freezing. It was silent for a bit before you decided to speak up.

"My science teacher molested me." You said breathily. His eyes widened as he tried pulling away from you. With this new bit of information, he realized that the close proximity of you two could be making you nervous. He wasn't able to pull away though since your back was flush against the back of the seat, and you didn't seem too uncomfortable so he decided to keep it there. He rubbed your back up and down urging you to continue.

"I don't- I'm not sure what I did wrong. I disproved the experiment instead of verifying it and he got mad." You paused and took in a shaky breath of air. At this point, your voice sounded pathetically weak and vulnerable but you knew only Yunho could hear you since you were whispering to him, so you had nothing to worry about. He just let out a hum into your hair as you continued.

"He called me to stay after class the discuss the paper and I stayed. I fucking stayed. I stayed despite knowing his sleazy ass would try to pull something on me. After all the students left he called me over to his desk..." You stopped yourself off as you felt your voice wavering. At this point, Yunho could feel his stomach doing flips just thinking about the situation you were in. The fact that it seemed like you were blaming yourself made him feel even worse. Nonetheless, you continued.

"He grabbed my knee and then my thigh and when I told him to let go, he didn't. He even had the audacity to ask me whether I wanted to go further. When I said no, he- he said I would fail. This is all my fault, what the fuck is wrong with me." You let out breathily into Yunho's wet hoodie. His heart broke when he heard you blaming yourself, you couldn't be further from the truth.

"Hey, please don't blame yourself. You have no reason to blame yourself, Y/n. You put your heart into that essay and he didn't like it because his narrow-minded brain couldn't accept new ideas. Furthermore, I'm sure he only used it as an excuse to hurt you. I'm sure your essay was great, and please don't blame yourself for him touching you. What he did was wrong and is all his fault." He paused finally, a little breathless from rambling. You nodded thinking he was done, only for him to continue speaking.

"I'm going to give you my number... Feel free to call me after today, I want to help you. I want to help you speak your side and arrest your science teacher for he did to you" You mumbled a soft okay as you leaned deeper into his embrace.

"I shouldn't feel like this" You suddenly said. Yunho had assumed the conversation was over when you told him about your science teacher but regardless he was ready to listen, no matter what it was.

"Why?" He asked sincerely, ready to scold you again for putting yourself down for having emotions.

"I have loving parents. I study at a good school. I usually get decent grades. I have 2-3 friends who I talk to sometimes. My family can afford the resources I need to feel content. Then why the fuck do I feel like this?" You asked more to yourself than Yunho and he knew this, but he had an answer.

"So?" He countered, waiting for a reaction from you but you had none.

"Even the most privileged people are not happy hun. Satisfaction and content come from within. You may have everything you need but still not feel satisfied with yourself. Is there anything about yourself that is bothering you?" He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows. What he was saying made a lot of sense...

"You- I-, I guess... I feel stressed all the time, and I'm not happy with the work I produce since I'm stressed and overwhelmed, but how did you know-"

"How do I know?" He interrupted you while you looked at him with wide eyes.

"Because I've felt the exact same way a few years ago." Now it was your turn to be shocked.

"I'm training to be an idol and I spent countless nights practicing my dancing and singing, but I never felt happy with my skills. I always thought I could get better, and that led to a sort of addiction. I stayed up late at our studio practicing and my sleep schedule was fucked up." You chuckled breathily at his word choice and how he let a curse word slip in. He noticed and smiled back down at you.

"When I finally understood and accepted the problem I got better. My mental health took a turn for the better and I was more proud of my accomplishments. Besides, I consider myself a decent singer now" He laughed at the end as you joined him.

"I'm proud of you for reaching your goal and bettering yourself," You said honestly as you patted his chest.

"I just hope I can fix myself one day too." You said honestly.

"I'm sure you will be able to. It takes time and perseverance, so please never give up. You're a beautiful, talented, and valuable person, never doubt yourself." He said and you nodded in his embrace.

That's where the conversation ended for now. The silence was not awkward at all. Instead, it was quite comforting as you had a lot to think about and process. Yunho's words definitely shifted the way you looked at life.

Yunho got a little more confident and trailed his arm upwards of your back and into your wet hair. He ran his hands through your wet hair as you scooted closer to him. He gently rubbed his hands across your scalp relaxing you. Despite him being a stranger, from the way he listened to you, saved your life, and comforted you, you knew he was someone you could trust.

Meanwhile, the boy in the front, Hongjoong looked through the rear mirror, looking at the position you and Yunho were in. He and Yunho suddenly made eye contact through the mirror, and Yunho got nervous, his eyes widening as he realized his leader had seen the position he was in, but that went away as he realized Hongjoong was smiling back at him with a soft smile across his face.

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Unknowingly, you had fallen asleep in Yunho's arms. When Hongjoong realized you fell asleep he patted Seonghwa's shoulder pointing to the two of you. You had fallen asleep on Yunho's shoulder, resting your head against it, while his head was on top of yours, also asleep. Seonghwa almost squealed when he saw the position you were in. They exchanged a few knowing looks before you finally arrived at your stop.

Yunho woke up before you and you were awoken by a messy-haired, still sleepy but smiley Yunho, ushering you to go outside. You got up, rubbing at your eyes as you looked around. You realized you were still in the car with all of the boys looking at you. You got embarrassed and quickly fixed yourself before shooting a confused look at Yunho. Suddenly, the man driving, Wooyoung, spoke up.

"I dare you and Yunho to go to 7/11 to get us snackssss" He playfully said and you smiled.

"Don't forget to get yourself a new pair of clothes too, you're soaking wet and probably cold. Although, I don't think that was much of a problem considering you were practically on top of eachoth- OOF" Seonghwa was cut off but Yunho roughly shoving his side. For the first time in the past week, you let out a genuine laugh and all the boys turned to look at you, as you bent over in laughter. Their eyes widened and Yunho swore it was the most melodious sound he had ever heard.

Feeling empowered and having a new perspective on life, you decided to go with the flow. Besides, you were given a second chance at life, you weren't going to waste it, moping around. You decided to make a change, and that change started today.

"Well big boy, are you coming with me or not?"

[dazaiaiko]

hi, could I ask for some comfort for a depressed reader with Chuuya or Atsushi? I've been feeling pretty bad lately and I'm just in need of some fluff with them

Hey there fin(please tell me what to call you!)

I am really sorry for the delay of your request!! And I will try to give you the best possible fluff! I hope you can feel happy all over again on reading this! And if you feel like it my ramble corner is always open so come by whenever you like, okay?

Here you go!

Warnings: Depressions

Characters: Atsushi x reader

꧁༒ 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉༒꧂

"Y/n!! Look I got these flowers from the vendor on the street today! Aren't they-" He stopped in his tracks when he saw you.

He had expected you to probably be on the couch reading a book or doing some work on the laptop however....

When you both had started dating he had known you as the most organised person ever however here you were lying in that same spot among the huddled blankets as he had seen you earlier in the morning before leaving for work today. He could hear small stifled sniffles coming from within the heap. And then they suddenly stopped.

"Y/n....? Are you okay? Please don't hide from me....Tell me what has happened so that I can help you...."

You looked up from within the blankets making sure to not reveal your bloodshot eyes and red-flushed cheeks from moments before and tried to flash a warm smile towards your love so as to not surprise or worry him because of your problems. He already had enough to worry about than have you add to his burdens.

"Hey...I am sorry I couldn't come to greet you... I was actually feeling under the weather so I was home today and couldn't commute to work as well...."

But you couldn't fool a person who could recognise you from the sound of your heels. You had been wearing the same night suit as last night and your hair was a mess.

As much as you tried to keep your voice from breaking down but you couldn't keep a sob down, so while there was a silence in the room your tears started falling again. You let out a quiet whimper as you could feel yourself spiralling into your depressing thoughts.

Atsushi ran towards you and pulled you in a bear hug.

Whenever it was him who was in this state you always cuddled up to him, whispering encouraging things so now he would return the favour by trying his best to comfort you in your vulnerability and weakest moments.

"Hey hey...its okay. Shh....I am here.... I am here now, just tell me everything that's going through your mind okay? I promise I will be a good listener."

"I-Its nothing really. I just felt...felt so much pressured by work, expectations by people and all that I couldn't handle it anymore. The burden doesn't seem to end no matter how much I try though! Perhaps I am just not trying hard enough...?"

"Not at all! I know for all that you work really hard to strive towards your goal but a little break here and there is fine! You can never over exert yourself okay? I won't let you.....How about we go for a small trip to Yokosuka tomorrow? For two to three days? I will ask Kunikida-san about the pending holiday. okay?"

He snuggled up close to you wrapping you like a burrito inside the duvet and massaged your scalp to relax your thoughts while you calmly consider his proposal. You gave in to your thoughts about his plan and it seemed to be quite exciting to be able to spend three days with your love in a quiet and serene place away from all these feelings.

You gave a slight nod and hugged him closer to you to feel his comforting warmth. Suddenly you felt exhaustion take over you. It had been a long day of thoughts and tears and you finally felt at peace after letting it all out to someone who cherished you.

Even though you could never fathom why you had this anxiety and panic attack all of a sudden today you could feel safe and relaxed in his arms again.

After all someone rightly said -

"Sometimes a hug is the better answer even when the question is not known"

and you knew that you both have each other to answer your questions for now, tomorrow and the days to come.

THE END

calling ☎: @nullified-kiss @jessbeinme15 @shinys-bsd-world-1 @nameless-shrimp + taglist

Requests status: Open

[whumpmatsus]

Hi! 👋 Two things! First, a fic request (again Ichimatsu whump because I'm sorry but I have to): Ichimatsu takes a hit meant for one of his brothers (be it accidental or on purpose) and is pretty badly injured. Cue the rest of the Matsu Bros. to the rescue!

And second, um...would you be okay with it if, let's just say hypothetically, I made fan art of some of these fics? 😺

FIRST OF ALL thank you for this because it's LITERALLY the longest thing I've written on this blog so far!! so I hope u enjoy it fully uwu

Matsu Bros plus a cameo by Mama Matsu!! <3

second... YESSSS THAT IS ALWAYS DEFINITELY OKAY!!! aaaaaaa you flatter me <3 <3 <3

-

When Ichimatsu first wakes up in the hospital, he doesn’t remember why he’s here. Hell, he barely even remembers who he is.

All he really knows initially is that he’s in a lot of pain. It hurts to breathe, his face is kind of numb in spots, and his leg feels weirdly positioned, plus heavy and uncomfortable. His shoulder feels kind of sore… as does his wrist.

There’s also some strange fog drifting around his mind that’s making it difficult to really focus on anything.

He feels a hand in his own. Not very tight… he thinks it’s someone giving just enough pressure to let him know they’re here. That he’s not alone. That’s comforting, he thinks.

Then he starts to remember things.

He was out walking with some of the others; Karamatsu and maybe Totty? What they were doing is a little fuzzy and isn’t coming to him instantly. He just recalls they were together, walking on the sidewalk. They came to a crosswalk and waited their turn. Karamatsu, as the eldest out of the three, stepped forward first to cross.

Ichimatsu thinks Karamatsu’s intention was that he would hold Totty’s hand to keep the youngest safe while they crossed, and Ichimatsu could follow after them. He doesn’t believe Totty had any objections.

They waited. They followed all the rules they were supposed to. The crosswalk light told them they were allowed to go.

It was someone else who broke the rules, tearing through a stop sign, the car headed right for his brothers. He… thinks he remembers Totty had only just come forward to grab Karamatsu’s hand, so he wasn’t quite there yet. Karamatsu was the one in the most danger.

He doesn’t remember much else. Running forward, pushing his baby brother behind him and yelling for his big brother to move.Then an impact. A lot of pain. Black and nothingness and warmth.

Now he’s awake. Putting the pieces together, he’s pretty sure he shoved Karamatsu forward and ended up getting hit by that car.

He thinks, in his haze, that the car should have hit Karamatsu, because he was the one who went first, because things happened so fast. But he’s glad it didn’t happen that way.

A couple groans catch the attention of whoever’s in the room, and he gets a squeeze to the hand. “Ichimatsu? Honey? Are you awake?”

“Mmh…” It hurts a little to move his head. He does it anyway, getting a glimpse of his mother. “… Mom…?”

It looks like she’s smiling… relieved, maybe. “Yes! Yes, my sweet boy, Mama is here.” She reaches her free hand over to gently stroke his hair. It feels nice. “Thank goodness. How do you feel?”

He closes his eyes. “I hurt.”

“Well, I should hope so! I’d be worried if you weren’t in a lot of pain right now. Do you remember what happened?”

Although he tries to move around, it’s difficult simply because it’s so painful. “Uh, yeah, kind of… I got… hit by a car, right? ― H… hey… Karamatsu and Totty… where are they? Are they okay?”

“Yes, dear, they’re both fine. Karamatsu has a couple of scrapes, but nothing serious. You, on the other hand, are lucky, young man. You’ve got a broken leg, a couple of broken ribs, and a broken wrist. You did have a dislocated shoulder, but they got that back into place. The doctor said it could have been much worse. She said you got off easy compared to some people who get hit by a car.”

She combs his bangs back in a way that mitigates any anger or frustration in her next words. “What were you thinking?”

“The car was coming for Karamatsu…” He frowns as the memory surfaces again, in slightly better detail. Damn. “… And Totty didn’t see it… he was gonna step out, too…”

Everything seemed to happen so fast. How the hell did he manage to get his older brother out of the way and keep his younger brother out of the way when everything happened so fast?

Matsuyo sighs and continues stroking his hair. “Oh, I know… they were both in tears when we all arrived. Totty was inconsolable… saying that Karamatsu would be dead if you hadn’t run forward and that he thought you were dead because you weren’t responding. I should be mad that you scared your brothers… but…”

She leans forward to kiss his forehead. “… You did a brave thing, Ichimatsu. Mama is very proud of you. I just don’t like any of you boys hurt… if you’re inclined to do this again, pull the other person back instead of taking their place. You silly boy,” she adds with an affectionate smile.

“Hah…” he laughs weakly, wincing at the pain in his chest. “Sorry, Mom. Everything hurts… I wanna go home.”

“Mhm, they’ll probably let you go pretty soon now that you’re awake. That’s the main thing they were waiting for, I think.” She moves her hand down to pat lightly at his forearm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be home before you know it, and your family will take good care of you.”

-

Coming home is kind of weird.

Ichimatsu can’t really walk on his own. Since his leg is broken, the doctor gave him a crutch that he can use with his good hand, but it’s an awkward movement and leaves him feeling unbalanced. It’s just easier to lean on one of his brothers to walk ― in this case, Choromatsu has volunteered to help if Ichimatsu needs to walk somewhere. Though… he gets the feeling that the others would be more than happy to volunteer if the third eldest were somehow busy when he needs to get up.

Every motion, from sitting up to reaching for things to just breathing, is painful thanks to the broken ribs. There’s nothing that can really be done for those, so he’s evidently got to just suffer. He remembers the doctor saying they should feel quite a bit better in a couple of weeks. Most of this is going to take a month or more to fully heal, which is… according to Osomatsu, a ‘major boner-killer’.

Sitting around doing nothing but being in pain is going to be the end of Ichimatsu. He’s sure of that. He can’t go outside to feed the cats, and it’s difficult to cuddle with them inside with all his injuries. That alone is pretty depressing.

The pain medication they sent him home with is also a little frustrating. The first time he takes it, it makes him so tired he sleeps right through dinner.

He falls asleep on the couch in the spare room, he knows, because it’s where he has to be set up for now. There’s noway he can sleep in the futon with everyone else while he tries to heal; that runs the risk of running into someone, or having one of his brothers accidentally run into him.

His leg’s in a cast and his wrist is in a splint, to protect them as they fix themselves, but if those areas have someone roll onto them, it’ll probably result in more damage. Which means more pain and more time added to his recovery.

It’s apparently a bad idea to sleep on the couch. When he wakes up, everything is sore and screaming in pain. Justified, unfortunately, since he fell asleep in the same position he was relaxing in.

Someone else… is here? There’s something warm pressed up against his side.

He glances over to find that he’s evidently been resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder, likely for a while given that Karamatsu’s eyes are closed too. It looks dark out, and Ichimatsu’s foggy mind busies itself wondering what time it is.

There’s a soft chuckle beside him, and looking over reveals one of his big brother’s eyes is cracked open now. It’s swiftly followed by the other one, then the sudden absence of a pressure around his shoulder makes him aware that Karamatsu had an arm around him. “Awake, hm?”

“Yeah…” He tries to stretch, stopped short when a jolting pain in his chest reminds him that it’s definitely a bad idea. “Oww. I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“That’s alright. You started to get a bit drowsy about half an hour after Osomatsu-nii-san gave you your medicine. We saved you a plate from dinner, though, if you want me to go warm it up.”

Ichimatsu blinks. “I slept through dinner?? Shit. How late is it right now?”

His brother shifts a bit more to take out his phone. “Hm… a bit after midnight.”

“Midnight?” Well, fuck. Although he can justify an hour nap or so, he’s just slept like six hours. He missed dinner, he missed going to the bathhouse, he missed maybe a game of cards before bed.

Karamatsu laughs again, his hand tousling Ichimatsu’s hair fondly. “That’s right, my brother. Don’t worry. Osomatsu-nii-san said fatigue is a side effect of your medicine, and your body needs sleep right now, anyway. So, are you hungry? Mommy made soba and yakitori for dinner, but if you’d rather have something else, just say the word. Your wish is my command!”

Honestly… he’s not really that hungry. He knows he should probably eat; his stomach is just trying to tell him not to have anything heavy. Another side effect of the medication, maybe. “Are you… sure? I kind of just feel like plain miso and rice. Other stuff doesn’t sound good.”

“Of course! I’d be delighted to go heat some up. You simply rest and I’ll…” When he goes to stand up, something catches Ichimatsu’s eye, and he grabs his brother’s hand, weakly, with his own injured one. It’s painful, but…

Karamatsu’s eyes focus on his younger brother, brows furrowing. “Ichimatsu? What’s the matter?”

It’s… that cut on Karamatsu’s face. Ichimatsu didn’t notice it before. Now that he’s a bit more alert, it’s practically all he can see. It’s not very big, maybe the length of one of their little fingers, and not deep. It looks like a scrape from falling off one’s bike or something. He thinks maybe it had a bandage on it at one point. The color has faded into something dull; the skin around is still bright pink, though, suggesting that it’s irritated despite not being cut.

His gaze shifts down to find similar wounds on Karamatsu’s hands. On the palms, where he probably got a sort of road rash when he tried to catch himself after Ichimatsu pushed him out of the way.

His own wrist protests with a violent throb as he reaches to let his fingers graze lightly over Karamatsu’s wrist. Image after image of what might have happened to him if Ichimatsu wasn’t fast enough comes unbidden into his head. Karamatsu could be the one with a broken leg or broken ribs, or it could have been worse.

“Y… you’re okay… right?” As soon as those words are out of his mouth, tears start spilling. All at once he’s pulled into a hug, loose fists resting against his back. He can’t stop himself from leaning in, pressing his face against Karamatsu’s shoulder.

He can feel the soft rumble of mirthless laughter his big brother gives. “You’re the one who was hurt, Ichimatsu. I’m only okay because of you. If you hadn’t seen… I wasn’t paying attention…”

The words, “It should have been me”, hang heavily in the air even though Karamatsu doesn’t say them.

He brushes a delicate kiss over the side of his little brother’s forehead. “Heh… you would have been a better big brother than me. You kept us all safe when I failed. You probably saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

Ichimatsu isn’t sure why it’s now that the full weight of everything has hit him. Now, when he’s home and out of danger, when everything is okay. Shouldn’t he have been falling apart when he first woke up in the hospital? It shouldn’t have taken seeing Karamatsu’s small injuries to remind him that they all could have died when he’s the one in a cast.

It’s hard to keep himself together, to keep his breathing normal so he doesn’t completely go to pieces. (Though, if he did, what better place to do so than in his older brother’s arms?) “… You’d do the same for me, right? So it’s only fair.”

“I would,” Karamatsu hums. “Without a second thought. You’re my little brother and I love you very much and if I could save you from being hurt, I would. I’m… sorry I was so careless that I couldn’t do it this time.”

Ichimatsu grunts, slipping his good arm around Karamatsu’s waist in an effort to be closer. “Don’t feel too bad. The next car’ll be yours.”

-

After eating as much as he feels like he can, Ichimatsu allows Karamatsu to help transfer him to the floor. It’s already set up with a spare futon, a blanket, and a pillow, probably because someone guessed that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be comfortable.

He’s still in so much pain. The shoulder that was reduced back into place aches like an old war wound, and his chest is sore even when he’s lying still. To say nothing of his wrist and his leg. His whole body feels like one giant bruise, except worse.

Although Karamatsu insists he’d be just fine to stand guard all night, after a few minutes Choromatsu comes in and sends him back to the bedroom. Ichimatsu doesn’t hear too much of the conversation ― mostly whispers that Karamatsu needs to go get some sleep, that Choromatsu is glad to take a turn.

Soon enough, though, Karamatsu relents and comes to tell Ichimatsu goodnight before he leaves the room. Ichimatsu gets one more kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to his good hand and exchanges another round of “I love you”s with his brother, then heads into the bedroom.

Choromatsu came prepared, setting his own pillow up on the couch and tossing a blanket at the end just in case he needs it. “So… how are you feeling, Ichimatsu?”

“Mm… like crap, kinda.” He looks over to where his brother is trying to get settled in. “I can’t believe I slept six hours and I’m still tired. What kind of shit did they put me on?”

“Hah… y-yeah, it’s the good stuff, probably. Is it at least helping the pain a little?”

“A little. Like Mom said before we left the hospital, I… guess it’d be more worrying if I wasn’t in pain right now. I did get hit by a car.”

Choromatsu leans forward and places a cautious hand on his little brother’s head. Once that earns him no punishment, he gingerly combs through Ichimatsu’s hair. It certainly feels relaxing. “You sure did. I… I can’t believe you kept both Karamatsu and Totty safe. Adrenaline’s a… a weird thing, huh? I’m glad you’re all okay. Hopefully the pain medicine will work better once you’ve had a few doses.”

“Mh. I hope so.”

“Yeah. For now, just, uh… just try to get some more sleep, okay? Your body needs a lot of rest while you’re healing.”

Yep, that’s what Karamatsu said, too. Two of his brothers saying the same thing can’t be wrong. … Well, they could be, but it would be weird. “I’ll try. Thanks for… being here. I dunno that I’d really want to sleep alone for the whole night. Guess Totty’s rubbing off on me.”

A low chuckle leaves Choromatsu as Ichimatsu closes his eyes. The sound of rustling suggests that his older brother has laid down and pulled a blanket over himself as well.

After a moment of quiet between them, Ichimatsu becomes keenly aware of a sensation that definitely isn’t going to allow him to sleep. “Uuuugh. Shit.”

“Huh?” Choromatsu is sitting up in an instant, ready to practically spring out of his skin. “What’s wrong, Ichimatsu?”

“― My leg itches.”

“O-oh. So… scratch it??”

He throws his head back in frustration. “No, the one with the Goddamn cast on it.”

“Ohhh. Okay, uh, well…” Choromatsu gets up and rummages through one of the drawers for a few seconds.

After that, a pencil is pressed into Ichimatsu’s good hand with a smile. “Here, try this. Stick the eraser end down in the little space between your leg and the cast, then keep moving it. If the itch is high enough up, it should help.”

Ichimatsu raises an eyebrow at the advice. Well. What’s he got to lose, after all? He spends a moment trying to get the itch scratched after slipping the pencil down, and finally he sighs in relief. “Fuck, that’s a lot better. How’d you know that was gonna work?”

Choromatsu grins self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… remember when I broke my arm? When I went for my checkup, I had this itch inside the cast that was driving me nuts. So the nurse showed me this trick. It doesn’t always work, but…”

“Huh… well… thanks.” After everything, he’s just really tired and ready to sleep now. He would cross his fingers that nothing else disturbs him if he felt like moving at all.

“Heh, no problem. All good now?”

“I think so.” When he sees his brother straighten up to head back to the couch, his brain evidently thinks it’s good to say something. “H… hey. Choromatsu?”

Choromatsu looks back down, concern etched on his features. “Ah, yeah? What’s up?”

His heart is hammering so fast it feels like it’s trying to break more of his ribs. He doesn’t really want to embarrass himself. It’s just… he feels… “Can you… can you… stay for a minute? Down here?”

“Oh… yeah, sure. I can’t stay too long… I-I can’t sleep next to you. I might accidentally hurt you.” Even so, he lowers himself back down, sitting cross-legged and reaching to stroke Ichimatsu’s hair.

He nods. That’s part of the problem. Even though he normally wouldn’t have much complaint about being left to his own devices… he’s used to sleeping next to his brothers. Right on the end beside Karamatsu. When he’s not feeling well, being absent from them is apparently not doing him any favors. “I know. It’s just…”

His eyes drift closed once more. It must be the medicine making him feel out of it and way too honest. “… I think I’m gonna get lonely sleeping like this.”

“O-oh… gosh.” He can practically hear the frown in Choromatsu’s voice. The other man’s hand combs through his hair, a rhythmic and repetitive motion that makes him sleepy again. “I can probably… sleep like this, propped up against the couch. Is that okay?”

“Mmmh… I don’t want you to have to do that… you’ll make your back sore.”

He chuckles. “Ah, I-I think I can handle it. Even if that’s true, it’d be worth it to me so you don’t have to feel lonely. It’s the least I can do for my little brother.”

“I can’t stop you,” Ichimatsu mumbles. Sleep is scrabbling its tiny, strong fingers at him, trying to pull him down. It’s getting hard to resist. “If you want…”

“Yeah… yeah, I wanna do this for you.” Choromatsu leans down to press a small kiss to the top of Ichimatsu’s head. “Hey. Love you, Ichimacchan. Try to get some rest, okay?”

He doesn’t have to tell Ichimatsu twice. Within a minute of Choromatsu’s urging, he’s fallen back into a peaceful darkness.

-

When Ichimatsu wakes up the next morning, Choromatsu’s presence has been replaced by Jyushimatsu’s.

As much as he loves his immediate older brother, he doesn’t have any complaints. He and Jyushimatsu are very close, and his younger brother being here is pretty soothing to wake up to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet, though that’s not to say he isn’t his usual energetic self. He appears to be flipping through baseball cards, maybe organizing them in his little album, humming to himself. There’s also one hand free to play with Ichimatsu’s hair, which he supposes is why he still feels relaxed.

“Hey, Jyushi.” His body reminds him why stretching is a bad idea right now, so he settles for arching his back a little in an effort to make something pop. Everything is sore. Even that little bit of movement hurts his ribs enough that he has trouble catching his breath for a minute. “Fuck… morning.”

“Oh! Yeah, it is morning!” Jyushimatsu is chipper as always, though when he leans in for a hug, he’s surprisingly gentle. “How’d you sleep, Ichimatsu-nii-san?”

“Okay, I guess. I still hurt a bunch.”

“Yeahhhh, you were crying in your sleep! But it’s okay! Because guess what? Jyushi is here!” He grins, nuzzling his cheek against Ichimatsu’s. It’s a bit weird, but par for the course as far as Jyushimatsu is concerned. Besides, the hug is nice after the fear of being lonely last night. “Did you have nightmares, huh?”

Now that he mentions it… yep. Ichimatsu’s dreams, or what he remembers of them, were filled with horrible things. The memory of being hit by the car, or the images of either Karamatsu or Totty being hit because he wasn’t fast enough.

He recalls one piece of a dream which involved looking into his own chest and seeing the end of a fractured rib shatter his glass heart.

A shudder runs through his body, prompting Jyushimatsu to tighten his grip just slightly. “Oh, you’re cold! It’s past breakfast, ‘cause you slept for a really long time, but I’ll go get you some tea!! Sound good?”

Given that his appetite hasn’t come back from war, that sounds better than anything else. Though he did manage to choke down that rice and miso last night, he’s not sure if he wants to eat even anything bland. “Yeah, sounds good. Put just a little bit of agave syrup in it for me?”

“Yeah! Anything for Ichimatsu-nii-san! Be right back, okay?”

With Jyushimatsu, ‘be right back’ is typically how it goes. He’s only gone for a few minutes, or at least it only seems like a few minutes.

Regardless, Ichimatsu has a cup of tea in his hand relatively quickly. Almost as if his brother predicted that it would be difficult to hold something very hot with only one hand, the tea is warm, not boiling hot.

It’s easier to balance it with one hand, plus this means it’s pretty much the perfect temperature to drink. As he starts to sip it, he feels Jyushimatsu’s hand, covered entirely by his sleeve, rubbing affectionately between his shoulder blades. “It’s good, huh?”

He swallows and gives the other a nod. “Yeah, pretty good. Thanks.” Thankfully, it should wake him up, too. He’s still feeling kind of groggy.

“Good!! Osomatsu-nii-san said he’s gonna give you your medicine in a minute, since I told him you were up and hurting.” Jyushimatsu shoves his binder of cards away, shifting up to sit on the sofa. “Do you want me to move you up here after you’re done drinking?”

“Probably, yeah. You got anything you wanna do today?” Another sip, and he sighs in relief feeling the warmth flow through him. Damn.He can’t believe he could take something as simple as a cup of tea in the morning for granted. “I can’t really help with baseball practice… but we could watch TV together or something.”

“Sure! We can watch whatever you want!” After only a few seconds, Jyushimatsu wiggles himself back down and leans against his big brother’s shoulder. “Hey, Ichimatsu-nii-san… I’m really glad you’re okay. Even though you’re hurt and everything, you’re home with us instead of… being not home with us!”

The least he can do is let his head rest gently against Jyushimatsu’s. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m home, too. Don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else.”

Jyushimatsu nods eagerly, making a brief, dull wave of pain wash through Ichimatsu. However, he’d rather have that pain than not have his little brother close. “We’ll take really good care of you! Just say if you need anything, okay? I’m really strong and I can get anything! … And if I can’t, Osomatsu-nii-san probably can!”

“Heh.” Ichimatsu takes another gulp of his tea. “You guys are the best.”

-

True to Jyushimatsu’s word, Osomatsu is in pretty soon to give Ichimatsu the painkillers. For whatever reason, even when he can’t be trusted with literally anything else, the eldest is pretty good at monitoring medicine when one of the others needs it.

All things being equal, Ichimatsu has a lot of faith in taking medicine when Osomatsu keeps track of it. He knows how much was dispensed, how many Ichimatsu is supposed to take and how often, how many are left, and all the related things. He’s like some kind of idiot savant who was put on Earth to be a pill counter.

After he takes it, he expects to start getting tired again, so he silently begs Osomatsu to stay on the couch with him. They’re all supposed to be hanging out anyway, based on what Jyushimatsu said, so right now he decides he wants to be close to his oldest brother for a little bit.

Osomatsu seems all too happy to oblige, snuggling Ichimatsu as close as he dares to. It’s probably not a good idea to use normal force, so the touches are… lighter than usual. It’s not so bad.

He settles in on Osomatsu’s shoulder, trying to get his eyes to focus on the show Jyushimatsu turned it to for him. It’s kind of unfortunate that he’s almost certainly going to fall asleep on it. “You guys are taking really good care of me,” he sighs, letting his eyes slip closed. “You want my allowance? Or, like… a bag of sardines?”

Osomatsu snorts. “What? You’re nuts, man. We’re taking care of you because we want to and because you need it. I mean, if I was sitting here with a broken leg, a broken wrist, broken ribs, and had to have my shoulder cherry popped back into place, wouldn’t you all be like, ‘Wow, maybe we should give the poor bastard a hand’? We’re just doing the same thing for you that we’d do for any one of us.”

Ichimatsu huffs. “Yeah, well… you’re all doing a lot. Karamatsu went in the kitchen past midnight to make me miso and rice, Choromatsu probably fucked up his back sleeping against the couch so I wouldn’t be lonely, Jyushi’s waiting on me, and you’ve got my medicine on a damn schedule or something.”

“Yeah, well,” Osomatsu grins, “I can’t leave it up to you, crackhead.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. Even so, it’s not going to make him totally drop this. “I’m serious. You guys are…”

Osomatsu nudges him carefully. “We’re being brothers, you boner. I know we suck at showing it sometimes, but… you know we all love each other, right? I guess it’s easier to show it when one of us is sick or hurt. Just so happens you’re the hurt one right now. And also your ass is on painkillers, so everything seems weird to you.”

… Okay, so maybe he can’t fault that logic. Still, though.

They’re both quiet for a long moment while they watch the screen, then Osomatsu lets out a soft hum. “You did good, you know. I don’t like that you tried to get yourself killed, but you did good.”

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed,” Ichimatsu retorts with the nastiest facial expression he can muster right now. “I didn’t wanna get hit, either. But Karamatsu and Totty weren’t paying attention… I didn’t want them to get hit. I was trying to get us all out of that way… I just wasn’t fast enough.”

Osomatsu scoffs before reaching his hand up to ruffle Ichimatsu’s hair. He appears to be getting a lot of pets like that lately, not that he’s complaining. It feels really good and is one of the biggest comforts he has right now. “You protected them, anyway. I can’t say too much, because you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if it were me.”

Ichimatsu offers a low, mocking wail. “Oh, shit. I’m turning into you. I think I’d rather be a cat. If I were a really bratty cat, you’d still be nice enough to feed me sardines and scratch behind my ears, right?”

“Uhhhh, I guess. You’re changing the subject, you dick.” A small puff of laughter makes his bangs move. “I just… wanna say I really respect you, man. Sometimes I remember the days when you would kick Karamatsu in the leg just for breathing the wrong way. And when you used to blow Totty off to hang with your friends in high school.”

He gets a shrug in response. “People change. We’ve all changed a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. I know.” His arm shifts down and he squeezes Ichimatsu’s good hand in that reassuring, proud way only an older sibling can. “They haven’t all been good changes. But seeing you trying to keep the others safe… that’s a a good change. Just gotta give you your props, Ichimacchan.”

He’s too tired to really argue with Osomatsu. Despite the fact that he knows he’s the shittiest of them all, he has to at least silently acknowledge that what he did prevented one of his older brothers and his baby brother from being in the same pain he’s in right now.

Instead of saying anything meaningful, he just presses himself in more against Osomatsu and mutters, “That’s nice. I’m tired.”

Osomatsu snorts and Ichimatsu feels a light kiss on top of his head. “Alright, dumbass, get some sleep. The pills are probably kicking in. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ichimatsu thinks that, right now, all he needs is his big brother to be the perfect pillow, and he’s doing a pretty good job of that.

-

Although it’s not dark at all the next time Ichimatsu wakes up, it’s significantly later than he meant to sleep. 3 P.M., meaning that once again he’s slept through a meal ― lunch, this time.

Just like last night, he finds that he’s not really all that hungry. Even so, it might be a good idea to eat, so probably he ask Osomatsu to get him something small.

When he shifts and looks over, though, Osomatsu isn’t there anymore. Instead, there’s Totty…

… Oh.

He’s holding onto Ichimatsu pretty tight. Ichimatsu isn’t sure he can move too much with the way Totty is holding him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Totty? Everything okay?”

His little brother stiffens, wide eyes suddenly turning up to look at him. Unlike what he noticed about Karamatsu, Totty doesn’t have any physical injuries, but… the skin around his eyes is red and puffy. “Y… yeah, it’s all good. Sorry, am I hurting you?”

“No… not really hurting.” He doesn’t remember having seen Totty too much after everything happened. He visited Ichimatsu in the hospital, all teary-eyed and not talking, before they were all allowed to take him home. Once he got home, though, he can’t recall Totty being around a lot even though everyone else was.

He assumed Totty was freaked out after everything and avoiding him just because he’s emotional right now. Seems Ichimatsu was right about that.

He maneuvers his good arm to put it around Totty’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. “Have you been crying? You sure you’re okay?”

Totty sniffles and dips his head down. “Yeah, sorry… I just…”

“Don’t be sorry, dumbass.” Even though it hurts a little to move so much, Ichimatsu cuddles his brother in against him. “It’s fine, you big crybaby. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I should be the one making sure you’re okay.” Regardless, Totty nestles in, tucking his head under Ichimatsu’s chin. It’s a bit of a weight on his hurt ribs, but it’s not that bad. “… H-hey. I, um. You know. I… I love you.”

Huh. It’s been a while since Totty has said that point-blank to any of his brothers, Ichimatsu thinks. It’s kind of nice to hear. He closes his eyes and offers an appreciative hum. “I love you, too. That it?”

Totty lets out a frustrated sigh, and Ichimatsu can just imagine the pout he has on his face. Kinda cute. He can’t really help himself; the youngest is always gonna be the baby, always gonna be adorable, even when he’s acting like a little bitch or if he wants to deny it. “I wanted to… say I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For… everything! Y-you know, for almost getting hit and… I mean, you got hurt trying to protect me and Karamatsu! If I hadn’t tried to follow him without even looking… you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. And… and I haven’t been with you too much since you got home…”

He nuzzles his head against Ichimatsu’s collarbone, kneading his hand against the top of his brother’s good leg. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I’ve been… really upset. It was scary, seeing the car hit you…”

The hum Ichimatsu gives this time is lower, pensive and understanding. “Yeah. Mom said you were crying a lot when she got to the hospital. ‘S okay to be kinda freaked out, you know.”

“Yeah, I know… and I was… am.I was scared the whole time… Karamatsu tried to wake you up, but you were just lying there and you wouldn’t…” Totty sniffles and his hand curls into a weak fist against Ichimatsu’s knee. “I didn’t wanna lose you, Ichimatsu-nii-san, and I was really afraid you were gone. I’m happy you’re okay… I just… I-I was pretty sure I was gonna cry the first time I tried to take care of you, so I… wanted to be alone with you. Crying in front of all you guys is…”

Ichimatsu nods to quiet his brother, ghosting a kiss over the top of Totty’s head. “I get it. It’s okay, Totty. C’mere, okay… you don’t have to be sorry for being freaked out and not wanting to cry and all that shit. I’m sure Karamatsu’s freaked out, too. And everyone else. Don’t apologize for your feelings, stupid.”

An indignant huff is the response he gets, before Totty presses in against Ichimatsu’s uninjured shoulder. “It just makes me think a lot,” he finally confesses.

Ichimatsu smirks. “Right. And you’re so out of practice with thinking, it’s hard. I know.”

“Th-that’s not it, you jerk!” Totty whines and brings his arms in, curled against his chest. His knees come up onto the couch, folded under him, as he tries to get comfortable. “It makes me think… anything could happen, at any moment, and that… might be it.And I know we’re all shitty to each other a lot of the time, but… but I love all of you.”

He sniffles, snuggling against Ichimatsu when his big brother pulls him even closer. “The thought that one of us might… die… I-I didn’t… I didn’t know how afraid I was of that… till I thought it happened. If one of us wasn’t here… it… it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“… Yeah.” Ichimatsu gives Totty a squeeze that’s maybe a little tighter than necessary. It’s not like he can pretend that Totty is wrong. He’s right. Even though they’re all assholes and treat each other like crap sometimes, the last thing any of them want is for their family to be… incomplete.

They sit quietly for what feels like a long time, holding each other. Breathing. Just existing in sync, in perfect understanding for a while.

Sometimes, it’s true, Ichimatsu is kind of a death seeker. Sometimes he really does want to die. Sometimes he doesn’t care about anything, and just wants it all to end so he doesn’t have to deal with the weight of life anymore.

Sometimes, though… sometimes he fights death with all he has. He thinks maybe that’s what happened after he got hit by the car.

It would have been easy to die then. To just let his injuries swallow him up and put out his life like blowing out a candle.

He’s in a lot of pain right now, but he’s not dead. There must be a reason, right?

He thinks this is the reason.

Holding his youngest brother and realizing how broken his absence would leave his family, thinking about how broken it would be if anyof them were gone, how much they love each other…

… For once, he’s happy to be alive.

[lavendersies]

Willuz prompts:

- Willow and her bumblebee Palisman grow an extravagant topiary of her and Luz, adorned with beautiful bouquets of flowers (as well as make delicious honey) for Luz to thank her for everything.

- Kind of a recap of Season 1's Luz and Willow adventures, but with the notable highlight that Willow gives Luz an appropriate flower bouquet as thanks of helping her out (can be combined with previous prompt if preferable)

- Amity and Hunter argue which of the two Luz loves the most, only to find Luz on a date/making out with Willow in a secluded, forested area, maybe with blossoming flowers (this is a non-serious fic as an allegory to the whole shipping war at the moment, but could come off as a bit mean :P)

- Luz practices with her Glyphs once more to make nice flowers and topiaries for Willow.

- Willow has a crush on Luz and can't help but feel a little jealous when she and Amity get close instead. Willow is too shy to confess her feelings for Luz, fearing rejection, and doesn't want to be in hot water with Amity again after they're finally getting along since their breach years ago. Willow wants to be happy for them, but Gus notices her depression.

- Boscha has thrashed Willow's beautiful plant garden, a passion project that's been taken years, and Willow is despaired by this, too depressed to continue and rebuild. Luz decides to fix the garden and improve it.

@Arendalphaeagle gave theses wonderful prompts so I have went with fourth one. The request was suppose to be uploaded on A03 but it didn't work out so until further notice all Willuz requests will be uploaded here. Feel free to drop ya'll request in my ask box. Enjoy.

A flower for Willow

Luz tapped the symbol emitting a green light and a single flower merge. She looks over at her spell book that specializes in plant magic for something new. She had committed her time to mastering a new glyph, hoping it would create the perfect gift for Willow. Luz didn't care if she spent the whole night out here and woke up with tired eyes caked with crust. Starting earlier this week would have been the wise thing to do but studying for her witch classes ate up the time. In a sluggish motion the sun disappeared behind the trees, allowing the moon to provide a dim light and usher in darkness. Luz casted a luminous orb as she read the instruction on how to evoke multiple flowers. She read the guide once more then traced the symbol on paper and activated it. A patch of lavender and lilac flowers bloom before her, this was just what she needed. Luz would allow her artistic skills to do the rest, she took her book and went inside. 

She found Eda knocked out on the couch with an empty cup of apple blood dangling from her hand. A smile spread on her lips seeing the grey-haired witch in her apple blood coma. King was probably upstairs waiting for Luz's return so they could continue watching an anime series that she had downloaded on her phone. Upon entering the room Luz sees King scowling one of his stuffed animals.

When he noticed her presence. He stopped chiding the pink rabbit, "Oh hey Luz, are you ready to watch soul eater with me?" He asked, sitting on the sleeping mat.

"Not tonight love," She replied.

"Why not?!" King whined.

Luz faced the opposite direction and stripped from her outwear into pj's. She put them near the mat and got out her sketch pad.

"I have to finish a gift for Willow," she said, sitting down to begin sketching her friend's face.

"You can finish it tomorrow, I've been watching all week for us to watch soul eater!" 

"Sorry King, I promise we will watch it together tomorrow" she assured.

The furry demon grumbled under his breath and joined her on the mat. "What are you drawing anyways?" He asked, peeking over her shoulder.

"A picture of Willow" she responded.

"What's the occasion?"

"None, I just want to do something nice for my friend," she said.

"Do you have anything else in mind?"

Luz had finished Willow's eyes and moved on to her nose, "Tomorrow I'm 

going to create a plant statue with this picture".

"I want a plant statue of me!" King cried. 

Luz chuckled.

"And you've been doing a lot for Willow lately, last week you went out of your way to get her that plant baby".

Luz's heart raced, she already knew the next words coming, "She sounds more than a friend" King commented. 

"Friends do things for each other all the time" Luz struggled to tolerate her frisky heart, hoping the tone of her voice wasn't a dead give away.

"Eh, if you say so."

The room fell in silence and Luz worked diligently on Willow's portrait. The plant witch dominates her thoughts, now her heart flutters thinking of those olive green eyes behind the thin-rimmed glasses. The way her ear twitched at sudden noises. Willow had been nothing but a sweet-heart since day, she deserved the world and Luz was willing to give her it. Although these feelings bloomed, she didn't know if it was mutual on Willow's end, and she would keep them buried away. When Luz finally looked up from her sketch-pad King was fast asleep at the edge of her mat. She set aside the finished product and got some rest.

Later that night, Luz had woken up to relieve her heavy bladder, she carefully stepped over a sleeping King and visited the bathroom. After washing her hands, she found herself outside.

 The moon's bright orbs brighten her path as she walks through the woods. Luz was a moth drawn to light, she felt compelled to keep moving. The orbs glowed rapidly like glistening gems, Luz could hear the vibration. She was led into the opening and a massive bush that resembled Willow's head came in view. 

Woah...

"Thank you Luz!" It says

"Huh?"

Its large yellow luminous remind her of fireflies, she had accidentally swallowed one when she was seven.

"Thank you" it repeated.

"What for?" Luz asked.

She didn't get a response to her question,7 the bush thanked Luz on an endless loop. Suddenly, gravity reeled her forward and its mouth opened wide, swallowing her. 

Luz was expecting to be engulfed in darkness, her eyes were squeezed shut. She felt warmth and a chubby body press against hers, opening her eyes. Luz realized it was Willow. She embraced the plant witch hug and gently ran her hand along Willow's turquoise hair. 

"Luz!" 

Everything faded. Luz woke up in her makeshift room with an annoyed little demon held prisoner in her arms. "Luz let go!" He whines struggling to break free.

"Sorry.." she said sheepishly.

Luz released him and King scurried off on all fours. She took care of her personal hygiene then returned to the room for her uniform. When Luz went downstairs, Eda was waiting at the door with her staff. She wore her pajamas. "Can we take the tub?” 

“No, its for emergencies only”

“Please” Luz said, giving the grey haired woman pitiful eyes.

“I’m immune to those” Eda stated dismissively.

“But you can’t be the coolest witch without it,” 

“Keep it up and you’ll be walking to school” Eda said heading out the door. 

--

The schoolyard was still empty when Luz hopped off the staff. She watched Eda fly away, disappearing over the autumn colored trees. Luz took out her plant magic textbook and turned to the page about manipulation. After she got a good understanding, she pulled out the portrait of Willow and drew two symbols on them. Luz crossed her fingers and tapped the paper, a stem sprouted forth and the leaves took on the form of Willow's face. Two Lilac flowers blossomed on both sides, the topiary was the size of a miniature house plant. She had expected bigger  but before Luz could sulk her crush arrived. 

"Willow!" She quickly hid the plant behind her back.

"Hey" Willow smiled. 

Luz felt butterflies tickling her stomach, she forced a skittish smile and revealed the topiary. Willow eyes widened with astonishment, she took the plant from Luz's hands.

"Aww thanks" Willow shifted the plant in her other arm and gave her a hug. Luz no longer had butterflies pestering her insides. The euphoria buttered her up, if Luz hadn't stopped herself she would have kissed Willow. For a brief moment, the turquoise haired witch stared at her. Luz was about to look away but Willow touched her cheek and gently kissed her lips. She led Luz by the hand towards the school building. 

[shittylongcatposts]

Hey hey! How are ya?

For the soulmate alphabet thingie could I request S- Songs with Saeyoung?

I can just imagine MC one day listening to All Star, Never gonna give you up, the one where aquaman goes WHATS GOING on and then being so annoyed, and then the next day is some emo/depressive stuff like MCR or something like that pftt I'm sure MC would be SO confused but I absolutely find it hilarious

You can take all the time you want, and remember to drink lots of water :D

ohhhh!!! this one is hilarious! Thank you Mandy!!^^ I’m still so glad and excited that you requested something- ahhh >.< now, i hope you enjoy it a lot!

stay hydrated 

Soulmate au: S - songs. Any song your soulmate sings will be stuck in your head

Saeyoung x MC (reader)

The first time that your soulmate sent you a catchy song was in your chemistry class, right as you were trying to focus on your task, trying not to spritz the liquid inside your test tube all over the counter, the bongo song started playing in your head. And it was stuck on replay. 

You knew it must have been your soulmate, since all the other songs that were stuck in your head were more… silent and didn’t feel like a live concert where you stood in the first row. 

Of course the liquid bubbled out of the tube and the experiment failed, but despite that you knew that they existed. That you had a soulmate. 

When you came home that day you talked about it with your parents, asking them what they felt when they first “heard” of each other. Your dad just panicked, as you found out, he was so nervous about this feeling, that he did not go out for weeks, hiding himself in his own little word. Scared how things might turn out, after “hearing” of your mom. 

Your mom however tried to communicate with your dad, “sending” him songs that she loved, coming up with questions that she wished for him to answer with another song, and after a while he did and actually she got to meet him just a few months later. From that day on they were always together. Never seperated.

Now they were both enjoying their cup of tea and after you told them about what happened your mom got up, ruffled through your hair and smiled. It was a bright, kind smile. The one she always had playing around her lips when she was proud of something you did. 

“Right now, just go with the flow my dear, see what happens.” 

“I’m so glad that there’s someone out there for you my sweetie” your dad said and hugged you. 

(And with that you began to listen to music more and more, exploring all kinds of songs, directions, until you got stuck in an emo phase lol)

You also got a lot of input from your soulmate who seemed to be around your age but also seemed to be pretty moody. You were wondering from time to time what got into them, if they were stuck somewhere they didn’t want to be. Sometimes you didn’t receive an earwig for days but then again they suddenly came up with the cheesiest meme song, those were the ones you hated the most, because they always popped up when you were in a very important situation. Like the time when you were about to start filling in the answers on the paper sheet right in front of you, amidst your exams, but you just couldn’t focus because your mind played YMCA on repeat. Leaving your brain blanked out with an image of a dancing mothman. (you hated it but it was more like a love hate thing)

But then on some days there were only sad songs, depressing ones and the ones that brought you shivers, leaving you crying with tears that burnt into your heart. They got so sad sometimes, that you were actually worried about them. In these times you always tried sending them a cheery sound, a song that always made you smile when you listened to it or one that felt like a warm hug for you, hoping that they would do the same, feel the same vibes of it as you do.

When the finals were finally over and you officially graduated (your grades weren’t that bad- thank god) your parents gifted you a trip to south korea, all on your own. 

Walking down one of the busy streets in Seoul excited you and your senses were flooded with the smell and the sounds of the city. You looked up, searching for the blue sky that peeked out between the gray clouds, that hung over the city, from time to time. You breathed in and let your mind wander to your friends for a while. 

It hurt you to see that they all found their soulmate in one way or the other but you still didn’t know a thing about your own. You were glad that they did but from time to time seeing them being all cute and lovey dovey with each other stung in your heart.

The only thing you knew was that they were under the same sky as you, which gave you at least a little bit of hope in finding them some day. 

Suddenly a flush rushed through your body, notes began to form in your mind and before you knew there was another song suppressing every other thing that occupied your mind. 

It started silent but got louder and louder, you knew it was them and you silently cursed your soulmate for the new song that stuck in your mind. Darude sandstorm. You would have never imagined walking down the streets of Seoul with Darude Sandstorm playing on repeat. 

Then a red Herari drove by with screeching tires, the windows slightly open, probably to get some fresh air, but what bothered you the most was the sound that came from the car. Darude sandstorm. The red haired guy that sat in the driver’s seat madly dancing along to the song that played on full volume. 

The traffic lights jumped to red and he stopped his car abruptly, waiting for the lights to turn green. You couldn’t decide what to do, you knew it was him, that this guy was your soulmate, but how could you stop them? 

You tried sending them signs, only coming up with stop and stare, but he didn’t stare, he still watched the traffic lights.  

Quick you have to do something, you thought and waved your hand, “hello, it’s me.” your mind sang, but still no response. 

The lights went green and the only thing that came to your mind now was to jump. You closed your eyes, hoping that he would stop. 

“Hey! Hey! Are you hurt?” An unkown voice asked, slapping your face to wake you up from your sudden slumber. You didn’t really feel any pain so you shook your head. 

“Thank god, man, why did you jump right in front of my baby? You could have got yourself killed” the young man sighed, looking at you with concern in his amber eyes. 

So those were the eyes of your soulmate, warm and kind, soft but with a touch of sadness lingering in them. 

“I, uh, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to do this, but I would have lost you if I didn’t.” You sighed, rubbing your forehead to get rid of all the things that rushed through your mind. 

“l- Lost me? What are you? A stalker? Now come on, try to get up, then I’ll call an ambulance for you.” The ginger sighed again. He helped you up on your feet in no time, rubbing his neck when you thanked him for it. 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t even introduce myself, I’m Luciel, nice to hit, i mean meet you, hehe” 

“I’m Mc, thanks again for helping me.” You smiled and shook the hand he offered you. 

“Now, let me make a phone call.” He said and turned around to pull his phone out of his pocket. He spoke pretty fast and you couldn’t understand a word. You suddenly felt lost, all alone in a huge city. What were you even doing there? What if he wasn’t your soulmate and just happened to listen to the song? You breathed fastened and your heart started racing. Your thoughts were running wild. 

Then new song came to your mind and you started humming the lyrics, softly, barely making any noise. 

it’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life...  (<-- Tha’ts good riddance by Green Day an amazing song!!)

Luciel hung up on the phone, his eyes lingering on your face with shock in his eyes. 

“Say that again, will you?” He closed the distance to hear you better, and started singing the same lyrics you sang. 

Your heartbeat fastened another time, but this time you were excited. You stared into his amber eyes. Vision blurry from the tears that streamed down your face, you saw that he felt the same. It was him. He was your soulmate, you finally found each other. You pulled him closer, sobbing into his green shirt, laughing at the same time. 

 “So it was you who cheered for me all the time, huh? Thank you, Mc.” he sobbed, kissing your forehead over and over again. Whispering “thank you”s over and over again. 

“So it was you who sent me to the YMCA during my exams.” You chuckled, forming the letters with your hand as you spelled them. A heartwarming laugh bubbled out of his throat and he hooked an arm around you, after rubbing his eyes once more. 

“My god I’m so sorry.”, he laughed, while guiding you towards his car, smiling proudly. “Now let’s wait for the ambulance, and then I’ll take you home.”

[omnivorousshipper]

I'm going to send yesterday's ask here, like you said. I'm going to do an Avatar The last Airbender request this time. If it's in your style, could you do a Sokka angst fic after the war where he's really depressed and blamimg himself for a lot of things because of some events that happen gradually, like Zuko and Katara getting hurt and he gets taken with one of the other Gaang members (it could be Toph, Zuko, Aang or Katara) and they both get tortured, but Sokka's turn comes when the other is out cold so they don't know. And because they don't know, he tries to hide it, and when they find out, they yell at him and stuff for worrying them. And could you make it so that his low spirit makes him need some mental healing as well. Wait, do you do angst? If this is too much, you can say then I can change the request. I may have gone overboard. Oh my god, I tend to go far with angst. Please, please tell me if this is much too long and too angsty. If this is too much, please tell me, so I can change it. Umm...have a nice day 😅

I absolutely love writing angst! You’ve definitely come to the right place, friend! I don’t usually write from Sokka’s POV but I love him dearly, just as much as I love the rest of the Gaang! Thanks for this request! And I hope you have a nice day too!

Warning: Brief descriptions of burns and torture

~~~

The courtyard was quiet as Sokka sat on one of the stone benches in the corner and stared at the pond with unfocused eyes. The afternoon sun was warm on his face and arms, and shown on the pond’s surface beautifully. Turtleducks were swimming in circles and playing to their hearts’ content as their mother sat from the pond’s edge. Following the slow circles of the animals, Sokka hunched over and felt the scrolls in his arms start to slip. Not caring, he kept his eyes on the pond.

           It had been several months since the war had ended, but somehow the world had gotten even crazier and simply loved to drag Sokka along for the ride.

           He had been staying in the Fire Nation for the last two months to help Zuko find people to add to his council. Everyone who had been on his father’s was either power hungry or plain sadistic. As Sokka and Zuko had found out the hard way.

           Shivering, the courtyard disappeared for a second as Sokka saw the small dungeon he had been stuck in. His arms chained above his head for hours on end, sweltering heat surrounding him as he heard lava bubble not too far away from him. But the worst part had been watching how much pain Zuko had been in.

           Zuko’s arms had been twisted behind his back and forced straight upwards to hang in the middle of the cavern they had been trapped in. Leather bags had been forced over his hands and feet to stop him from shooting out any fire while a leather muzzle had fixed over his face. Sokka had never seen Zuko breath fire, but he knew Iroh and Azula had the ability so it wasn’t surprising their captors were taking every precaution.

           Sokka had no idea he had been forced to be a hostage inside a literal volcano, but he would never forget the time he had been in there. Especially when their captor had arrived.

           The man was an old general that had been on the Fire Lord’s council ever since Azulon had been in charge. He had sneered when Zuko had come into the council room, telling everyone that they are dismissed and their advice never needed again. Sokka had assumed everyone would listen to the Fire Lord, but apparently he had been wrong.

           Instead, the old general had simply blackmailed one of the staff to put something in the tea they had been drinking while talking over potential people for the council. All Sokka had thought was Fire Nation tea tasted weird and ignored the slightly salty taste- they were on an island after all. Sokka wished he had known just how easy it would be to drug the Fire Lord. Maybe then he wouldn’t have let Zuko get captured and hurt.

           That was all he could think as he hung suspended in the air across from Zuko. It had been heart wrenching to watch the firebender struggle to get out of his bonds, but only to be left exhausted. He could even see the chains holding Zuko up turn red hot and burn him. He had immediately shouted for his friend to stop.

           They had simply hung there after that.

           Until the general showed up.

           Sokko hadn’t even remember his name back then. He had vaguely recognized the old guy, but didn’t know who he was. He just wasn’t important to Sokka at the moment. Now though, Sokka would never forget his name. General Shakao.

           The man had stepped into the cavern, a fierce sneer on his face as he ignored Sokka and stepped right up to Zuko.

           “Well, well. How the might have fallen.” The man sneered. “And here I thought Sozan’s line would never let themselves be captured. How pathetic.”

           Sokka growled and struggled in his bonds as Zuko tried to kick out at the man. Instead of moving away from the kick, Shakao grabbed Zuko’s ankle. Freezing, Sokka stared at the two.

           “I wonder just how much fire your father had to use to give you that scar.” Shakao wondered aloud. “Let’s test it, shall we?”

           “No!” Sokka screamed. “Leave him alone!”

           His words were completely ignored as Shakao’s face burst into flame and Zuko’s scream could be heard through the leather muzzle. Sokka struggled more and more as he watched, but to no success. He was stuck. He couldn’t do anything. He was so useless!

           Sokka could still smell burning flesh.

           The torture seemed to go on forever until Shakao had dropped Zuko’s leg. Tears were streaming down Zuko’s face and Sokka wished he could do anything to help him. Why couldn’t he get out of these chains? If only he had more training! He should have asked Suki or even Ty Lee about how to get out of chains. Why didn’t he think? He was supposed to be the guy with the plan!

           “So weak.” Shakao chuckled. “And you thought you’d be able to lead our nation? You’re just a weak child!”            Once again, Shakao’s hand burst into flame as he punched Zuko straight in the stomach. It only took a few moments for his robes to burn away around Shakao’s fist. Sokka couldn’t take his eyes off the bare skin that was quickly being burned.

           “Stop! Tui and La, let him go!” Sokka shouted. But no matter how much he screamed and begged the man, he didn’t stop burning Zuko. This went on until Sokka saw Zuko’s eyes roll into the back of his head, at least half of his body burned horribly from Shakao’s fire. Sokka had no idea how his friend had lasted that long, but he was glad to see he was no longer feeling pain while unconscious.

           “How disappointing. No Fire Lord should let themselves be harmed by fire. Disgraceful.”

           “Because Fire Lords aren’t fireproof!” Sokka snarled. He wasn’t sure he was happy Shakao finally turned away from Zuko and towards him. Lifting his head, Sokka met Shakao’s eyes and glared harshly. Anything to keep the man’s attention off Zuko.

           “And a Fire Lord bringing some water tribe peasant into the palace-!” Shakao snarled.

           Before Sokka knew what was happening, a firey punch impacted with his left hip.

           Flinching, Sokka could still feel the burned skin. It was constantly rubbing against his clothes along with all the other burns Shakao had left on him: down his thighs, back, and shoulders. Sokka had yet to look at them in the mirror, but he knew they were bad. Almost as if he didn’t have any skin left.

           Taking a deep breath, Sokka blinked and saw the young turtleducks had stopped swimming around and were cuddled up under their mother’s wing. When had he stopped paying attention?

           Sitting up, Sokka hissed in pain as his back stretched painfully and burned skin pulled tightly. He could feel tears running down his cheeks as he heard the scrolls he had been holding finally fell from his lax grasp.

           When he and Zuko had finally been found by the rest of the Gaang, Sokka had told them to help Zuko first. He hadn’t woken up even after Shakao had left them hanging there with their wounds. They had rushed back to the palace and Katara hadn’t left Zuko’s chambers, trying to heal him. Sokka hadn’t bothered her with his own burns; they would heal by themselves, Zuko’s looked far worse.

           That had been two days ago and Sokka had tried to distract himself from the pain by looking through any scroll he could get his hands on. This was his fault. He should have noticed the danger Shakao had shown to be. He should have told Zuko to have a royal taste tester as his main advisor.

           It was his fault Zuko had gotten hurt.

           Gasping for breath, Sokka scrubbed at his face viciously to get rid of the tears. He was a warrior! He should be embracing the pain and not allow it to control him!

           “Sokka?”

           Flinching hard, he looked up and saw Katara standing in front of him, concern deep in her eyes. He hated seeing his little sister so worried.

           “What’s up?” He tried to go for casual but knew he just sounded tired.

           “Are you alright? Toph said you were hurt too. Did you visit one of the other healers?” Katara asked gently and sat next to him on the bench.

           “Yeah. I wasn’t hurt that bad. Just my shoulders from hanging there for so long, you know.” Sokka shrugged slightly and cringed when even that small motion made his whole back flare up in agony. “But, how’s Zuko? Is he ok?”

           “Zuko’s doing better.” Katara sighed. “But he’s really worried about you, Sokka. He says Shakao hurt you.”

           “No, I’m fine.” Sokka sent her a smile.

           “Sokka…”

           Why did she look so blurry all of a sudden?

           Taking a shaky breath, Sokka felt his chest tighten and a sob broke through his lips. He realized that tears were running down his face again. He couldn’t stop them. Why? Why couldn’t he stop crying?

           Arms wrapped around him and one brushed against his back. Sokka wanted to scream, but instead, a small whimper came out.

           “What’s wrong?” Katara whispered as she withdrew her arm. Without waiting for an answer, she lifted his shirt and he could feel the air on his skin. A sharp gasp left her. “Oh, Sokka, I’m so sorry-!”

           “It’s nothing!” Sokka rushed to say, but it sounded more like begging. He was fine! They would be worried about Zuko, not him!

           “I’m so sorry.”

           When had Katara started crying? His baby sister should never cry, especially not over him. He shouldn’t have made her cry.

           He could feel her arms wrapping around him again, this time around his neck than back and he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her as well. Shoving his face in her shoulder, another sob left him and Sokka could feel himself unraveling.

~~~

I hope you enjoyed friend!