#In which the author continuously makes poor life choices and is even worse at knowing how to tag and work shit so this is your only warning

[darkspace7]

[That Which Protects The Falling Rain] Pt.1

[A Sort of Synopsis, if you will]: Okay so the other day I was just faffing about and watching some videos discussing some of the Bleach Brave Soul character design choices as you do and then I got to thinking about how there were so few decently good fics featuring our good man Ishida and then that somehow led into wondering why there weren’t hardly any detailing the situations of how one would even come about to wear those alternate costumes in the first place and then that somehow devolved into contemplating time/dimension travel and fusion (as in literal fusion –not crossovers- although those are nice too…) fics and what-ifs involving rather creative semi-roll swaps and we all know that canon is basically just a suggestion at this point so anyway-

Here’s my-

“Through An Exceedingly Convoluted Series Of Events Spanning The Course Of About Roughly Two Weeks Uryū Ishida Gets Yeeted To An Alternate Timeline/Dimension Thing With An Imprint Of Ichigo Camping In His Soul As A Sort-Of Bastardized Zanpakutō And Now He Must Wage In Shadow Espionage Bullshit Because At This Point Aizen Is Still A Problem And Tipping Off The Quincy While Everyone’s Even Weaker Than The Timeline They Left Would Be Bad. (Also Having Two Instances Of The Almighty + Antithesis In The Same General Vicinity Is Apparently Bad For The Continued Existence Of Reality) And Somehow Not Potentially Fuck Everything Else Up Even Worse Than Last Time As Well As Try Not To Have A Complete Nervous Breakdown In The Mean Time.”

-AU…

But that’s kind of a mouthful so imma just call it [That Which Protects The Falling Rain] AU

So yeah…

As you can obviously tell from the prior blurb this is more or less canon divergent starting from the point that Ichigo got his powers back after the timeskip (which –in my completely honest opinion- was a bullshit arc anyway for a number of reasons that I refuse to go into at the moment) with the main kicker of it all being the things that happened with the whole Quincy ordeal went significantly worse off than in canon and basically a bad time was had by everyone.

[Unwind the World and Your Nightmare’s Gone]

Turns out that if you have a crumbling pillar that props up what is an already heavily destabilized world murked on top of everything else tends to accelerate the wholesale destruction of everything in existence. The first of this was quickly realized when Hueco Mundo, the Wandenreich, and the Soul Society all crashed and began to bleed into one another. This mockery of a union only served to further tip the scales to such an extreme that Hell itself –which at this point was still puttering along as the sole remaining pillar of reality- began to develop cracks in the framework before eventually just giving way entirely. And thus things started to bleed indiscriminately into the World of the Living.

Which, I don’t need to tell you, was bad news bears.

In the chaos and calamity people were dying in droves and –because the reincarnation cycle was wholly and utterly fucked- they were staying dead. The very few individuals that had been smart enough to dip when the water hit the wall or were (un)fortunate enough to dodge the first fires of the literal apocalypse managed to bunker down, sustaining themselves on the heavily overly-saturated reishi of the atmosphere as they waited for the inevitable end tailmarked on the hands of the three souls that still carried on. These three –the False King tainted with the spark of divinity, his Heir who sought to put an end to his reign, and the Hybrid who felled God Himself- who fought on even though everything and everyone they had once stood for having fallen ages before them; their hands grasping for that last pyrrhic victory because what else is there at this point?

But –much like the moon for which his blades were named- even the powers of god-slayers must wane and on the field of battle enemies will use any fault to their advantage. And so, with a decisive slice of the blade, the False King went Off With His Head and the prodigal son made his way back home like the rest of his children. But it was here that Yhwach, made a Mistake™.

For all that Ichigo Kurosaki was a hybrid of both Quincy and Soul Reaper, he was also part Hollow as well.

And Hollows are poisonous to Quincy.

But the imprudent ruler was past caring at this point -was confident he could weather the poisoning of his soul- that he just had to stop for a moment to allow the restless stubborn child to settle down and from there he could then adapt and adjust. But to do such a thing on a battlefield where there was still one other active combatant left (no matter how you have dismissed the other boy as being a non-threat at this point) was pure hubris in of itself.

Enter: Uryū Ishida.

Armed with a silver arrow crafted from the bodies of his kinsmen that he lifted from the corpse of his estranged father and the sheer and utter spite of someone who has seen every single last one of their friends and family be killed and subsequently has no more fucks to give decides in his exhausted state to pull an Ichigo and lets the fly.

It hits.

At long last, the Old King was dead.

But it wasn’t enough.

Because the being named Yhwach was a great number of things, however, unprepared was not one of them. Being able to see possibility after possibility was indeed a great boon when it came time to sketch out an action plan for such eventualities. Case in point, when faced with the surefire destruction of your own physical and spiritual being it is perhaps okay to latch on to and borrow another. And what better source than your treasonous Heir not a stone’s throw from where you currently were?

Long live the king.

Or so you thought bitch.

Turns out neither did the Quincy child nor the rebellious echo of the hybrid boy much care for his attempt at bodyjacking. So unanimously they decided to say –fuck that- and pull off their own sort of deus ex machina using Uryū’s Shrift in conjunction with Ichigo’s kind of admittedly bullshit hybridity powers to throw a wrench in things and swap the Fate of not only himself the other late teen’s echo as well so that in the end it was Ywhach who would be the one subsumed.

And by some fucking miracle, it worked.

They successfully managed to topple the Quincy King from his position to allow for Uryū to then supplant himself on the vacant throne as the King as the remainder of Ichigo’s unique spiritual signature securely subsumed the rest of Yhwach’s essence and then somehow used it to stabilize the burgeoning fuckery that was now his (and apparently Ishida’s???) soul.

Long live the King (and his new and only somewhat unwilling headmate) indeed.

Just in time for reality to start falling apart.

With the weight of the final battle having finally given way to bone-deep exhaustion he –(or, rather, was it they now? Truth be told, neither boy was entirely sure what to make of their current situation and the sheer number of existential issues that simply arose from their paradoxical state of being. But then again that sort of thing wasn’t exactly a new thing when it came to his whole impossible existence now was it? Hell, he’d had so many ‘impossibles’ tossed at him that at this point the very word was starting to lose all meaning, honestly. And this current bit of what-the-fuckery was just another layer to the botched clusterfuck of a cake now wasn’t it? ‘…Good god Kurosaki do you think you could save your little existential crisis for later? Neither of us have the energy for it and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m pretty sure that at least one of us currently has a fucking concussion.’ No, fuck you man, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the world’s fucking ending. This is a good as time as any, man. ‘I just want somewhere we can get a chance to rest.’)- leveraged their worn body up on unstable legs in search of an unbroken spot where they could do just that.

Sometime along the way he had noted the larger of the orange-haired hybrid’s blades among the debris and stopped to examine it. (Or rather, having sensed the echo of their wielder contained within, it had lowered itself to allow him a chance to look upon its glory. At least, that was the impression that it seemed to be giving off anyway. Yeah, like a pair of stray cats you rescued from out behind the dumpster on trash day, his Zangetsu was. But even to the end they tried to help in their own way… ‘‘Slaying Moon’ huh? What an apt name for such a blade.’ Blades. There’s two of them. Ah, that was right. But if so then where…?)

Even now, their wicked sharp edge gleamed obsidian in the light as he subconsciously let the blade rest behind in the crook of his back. Feeling the small clasp as sword seemed to latch onto his presence as if magnetic. Readjusting his glasses he glanced around and let out a soft noise when their eyes alit upon their prize.

(He did not look at the body sprawled out upon the ground as they knelt down and gently pried the shorter blade from stiff fingers. He did not look at the severed head with too blank eyes as he slid the other half of his blade carefully into the waistband of his belt.He did not look at his own corpse resting at his feet-)

He stood.

Continuing on, he trudged along aimlessly, stumbling from wreck to wreck in an attempt to avoid the ever encroaching void that slowly but surely ate at what was left of their worlds. (They decidedly ignored the shadows that lapped at their feet. The way they danced inexplicably without a clear source of light. Twisting and writhing along the rolling dark as if they were but a thousand –familiar- eyes held back behind closed lids –theirshisoursmine- as they waited there. Dreaming.)

He stumbled.

They walked on until eventually they happened upon a surprisingly stable section of what appeared the Royal Realm and what was even more astonishing was the fact that out of everyone who could’ve somehow managed to dodge the apocalypse they had the misfortune to run into Aizen of all people. And it seemed that the ex-captain was just as enthused to see them.

(Wow, yeah, no. Not surprised that you survived because you’re pretty much a damned cockroach at this point. But I am genuinely kind of surprised that you decided to stick around instead of –I don’t know- having the good sense to bail when everything started going to shit? You’d think he would. Like, scurry away to lick the wounds and that sort of shit, right? ‘Right, absolutely riveting commentary Kurosaki. Such a shame that I’m the only one who’s forced to listen to it.’ Grimace. Urgh what god did I piss off to get stuck with you assholes? ‘Probably the two we just killed.’…Ah. Right.)

“Hm, that’s certainly a pleasant expression.”

(…I wanna kick his fucking ass. ‘What? No!’ Just a single boot shoved right in his smug bondage-wrapped face. ‘No.’)

Thoroughly exasperated and just utterly done with everything and everyone at this point Uryū decided this was as good as they were going to get and sort of collapsed at the foot of the broken throne with an undignified grunt, shifting the massive knife from his back to a more comfortable spot upon his lap as to allow himself to prop their body up against a slab of rubble. The youth let out a groaning-sigh.

Aizen –having meandered over to join him- watched with a keen interest.

(The subtle shade of black bleeding into the much younger man’s sclera, the downright monstrous inferno of tainted Quincy-Reaper-Hollow reiatsu coupled with the unnatural way that the writhing shadows almost seemed to linger protectively around the bloodied child before him, and while truthfully he was rather near-sighted ((destroying his last pair of glasses in a spur of dramatic theatricality had genuinely been one of his sole regrets, especially considering later when it became wholly apparent that the hōgokyu refused to let itself be used for something as banal as correcting one’s eyesight)) he’d have to have been blinder than Kaname to miss the ease at which the other had hefted that particular blade around. Also, the singular horn was kind of conspicuous and worthy enough for him to lift a brow.)

“Your feats never cease to push the realm of possibility, why I’m honestly starting to think you don’t know the meaning of the word Kurosaki.” He watched with sharp eyes, observing how even the shadows surrounding the youth seemed to freeze. Fascinating. “Or perhaps you would prefer some other form of address more suited to the body you’re currently occupying?” A dark eye crinkled with wry amusement, “Maybe even something more befitting to that of royalty?”

 (He’s not going to let this go is he? ‘Ugh, no.’ …Fuck it.)

And so the one-who-was-once-many resigned themself to a litany of awkward conversation as they waited for the world to end.

And what a back and forth it was. Some of the more notable highlights included: In depth discussions on one’s particular choice of eyewear – {“So, wait, hold on. You’re saying you actually needed those glasses and that the whole debacle with the Winter War you were essentially fighting half-blind the whole time?!”

“In the barest sense of the term, yes. Why do you seem so surprised? Did you perhaps forget that one of my compatriots was blind? It is a perfectly reasonable method to use one’s spiritual sense as a sort of complement to innate abilities during combat, as I am sure that one of your newer parts is undoubtedly already aware.”

“…Newer parts?”

“The misguided Quincy child that you once called your comrade and presumably the original owner of the patchwork monstrosity that you now call a form.”

(‘…Okay, yes, while losing your glasses during a fight does fucking suck I’m far-sighted and also mainly focused on archery so it’s not so bad but “patchwork monstrosity?” Rude, much?’)

“My, what a frightening expression.”

They flipped him off.}

–To the eventual reluctant admittance of what had occurred during their final battle versus the late Quincy King-

{it was in general agreement that the whole thing was a collective load of bullshit, however Aizen did find some note of ironic humour in the new fusion’s predicament much to said being’s annoyance.}

–To why the traitorous ex-captain was even there in the first place-

{“And where exactly would you have intended me to have gone, hm?” The man gestured broadly at the wanton destruction that surrounded them.

“Should I have squirrelled myself away like the scarce few remaining beings that tried to do so before everything fell to ruin? Don’t make me laugh. Why, I would even dare to say those poor unfortunate souls have been all but eliminated when the world pillars sang their swan song and even if they managed to survive that don’t you think the void would have consumed them much like everything else at this point?” Sōsuke leveled a dry look, letting his head fall back against the remains of a broken pillar wearily.

“So I figured this was as good as a time as any to try my hand at usurping the throne, you know, seeing as the current Soul King was indisposed.” A flicker of genuine consternation flashed across the man’s face. “But, it seems that crossing into the realm of transcendence is still not enough just so long as you’re still missing a fundamental piece of the equation.”

“Wow. So even after going through all of that you still weren’t –what- Quincy enough to take the crown? Heh, sucks to be you I guess. Wh-hey! We already have a concussion you didn’t have to throw a rock at me you ass.” With a huff, they rubbed at the new welt on their head. “Geez…”

“But seriously, I can’t believe with all that bullshit you pulled trying to get the magic death marble to make you god it couldn’t even manage it in the end.” As the hand dropped to the blade in their lap, they gave a faint scowl and then turned to face the other. “And really, what’d it even matter at this point? Figure we could use it to prop up reality –or at least what’s left of it anyway- and keep it from imploding or something?”

Aizen let out a somewhat undignified snort, “The Quincy have finally brought around your inclinations of royalty, I see. You’ve even started using the royal we. But yeah, sure, why not. Go ahead and take a stab at being the Soul King for a bit, I mean I’d say you can’t possibly be worse that what’s going on right now but somehow I think you would manage it just to spite me.”

The young being let out a snort of his own as they rolled with the bit, “No, we’d totally be an awesome Soul King. Way better than the last one and Not Unstable At All. Heck, we wouldn’t even abuse whatever the bullshit powers we had on top of everything else so we could –I don’t know- turn back time and fucking unmurder everyone. Oh! While we’re at it why don’t we try taking a crack completely unknotting that clusterfuck you guys call a politics around here. Because, honestly? Responding to every new thing that shows up on your doorstep with ‘treat it like shit’ and/or ‘try to kill it with extreme prejudice’ tends to piss people off and is probably why y’all had so many enemies.”

They nodded, sarcasm just oozing from their tone. “Yeah, all of that would be just so fun. Don’t you think?”}

Who could have foreseen that such a benignly one-off comment could have could spurred such further chaos?

(Well they probably could have. But –in their defence- they weren’t exactly firing on all cylinders at the time; what with the existential fuckery that they were still coming to terms with alongside the previously mentioned concussion that made it so when Aizen ((who had went suspiciously quiet after his little haha-funny-but-not-really joke)) proceeded to pitch the Idea™ to them it didn’t really seem to tack on as being anything worse than what the apocalypse that they were already were going through was.

But as now they found themselves trying not to squirm with a hand splayed awkwardly over the violet gem embedded in the other man’s bare chest as the other looked on with what seemed to be deep-set amusement they could not help but think to themselves: they really should’ve known better.)

(‘This is so stupid.’ There’s no way this would ever work-) Astonishingly, the gem beneath their hand began to glow.

(…Are you kidding me?)

“Huh, it seems like the hōgokyu was actually able to grant my wish after all.” The other murmured, ripping the fusion’s attention away from the entrancing glow only for them to watch as the man before them slowly began to crumble to dust before their very eyes.  “Rather roundabout way of doing it though, if you ask me.” Sōsuke snorted, dark eye flicking up to meet the other’s disbelief. “Listen well Ichigo Kurosaki and Uryū Ishida, this will be the last time we meet one another as things are. Don’t squander the opportunity you’ve been given as it’s highly unlikely you will get another one.”

“…Understood.”

“Good.” The other seemed…actually kind of relieved? That was all they had time to think before his body was gone and it was their fingers clutched around the hōgokyu as it then took their wish (to fix this oh god don’t you dare drop something like this on us and then leave us aloneyou utter bastardplease I don’t want to be the last one left after everything I don’t want to be aloneand just like that there went another person that he failed to protect just like everyone elseplease I just want to fix this make it like it never happened!) and moulded it and then unwound the world from its crumbling spool, unwound them, unmade him and now he-

-Was-

F

 a

  l

   l

    i

     n

      g

but only for an instant before world reformed around himself and he was forcefully slammed into (his/their/whose?) body.

He blacked out.

[welcometogrouchland]

It's mostly the fault of poor editorial practices that B&R is so heavily misaligned continuity-wise w/ the main batman book. But walk with me for a minute:

You are Damian Wayne. You are 14 years old and have had one of the worst years of your life last year. Which is saying a lot.

Your brother, one of the people you were closest to, got shot in the head and forgot who you were. Your best friend went to space for a week and came back 3/4 years older than you, taking away your previously established dynamic and leaving you to have to bond all over again w/ a new one. You may or may not have gone wayyy too far with your new superhero team, who now all hate you, because you fucked up big time*

And worst of all, when you do try to do the right thing, you end up forced to watch Alfred, a father figure to you, the only one at your birthday that year, the person who has been so patient, loving and trusting with you, even when you probably didnt deserve it...die. you watch him die, and feel it's all your fault.

And your dad never corrects you on that last point. So you run away.

First to your mom who can tell something's up with you, she knows you don't give up that easy, you decide not to stay with her because you remembered how actually, neither of your parents are good at communicating with you despite their best efforts, so now you're 14 and flying solo.

And you do fly solo. For a while. Make new friends, new enemies. You think you're better off for it. You've got your best friend and your brother back. They're not around as much. It's fine.

And eventually your dad tells you that it's not your fault that Alfred died. Bit late but it's appreciated. Really. There's a bit of a hiccup where you get possessed by a demon and wage war against your father but after that, all in all, you two are...together again.

You start to think maybe you want to give him another chance, for the two of you to be father and son.

And in a change of pace, it works out! It's going good, mostly. He insists you go to highschool, you resist, feel like he wants you to be something that you're not (wants you to be normal), but eventually you acquiesce for your own reasons. He cheers you on at soccer and nosies around at your fundraising events with the other parents and gives you a stern talking to about your choice of girlfriend. Because he cares.

Except all the while this is going on, your dad is currently having his brain slowly taken over by an evil version of himself that he created and every time you look away he's slowly tearing your family apart (your brothers are just barely keeping it together. The ones who didn't get lobotmized that is Jesus Christ). You keep taking his side in these conflicts, for whatever reason. Maybe because he promised it would be different this time, and it isn't** and you're going to stick with him until he keeps his word for once.

But at the end of the day?

It's like your brother says. You're not the one who saves him. Broadly speaking, you've made things worse and needed others to come save you. And what else is Robin really for? You thought it was about redemption and teamwork but guess you're wrong. It's about saving your self destructive, apparently two-faced and erratic father. And you can't even do that right.

* TT (2016) by Adam Glass is a racist ooc mess, but unfortunately it's still canon so I'm referencing here, though like a lot of works authors clearly wish weren't canon but are, it's been subsequently glossed over. Win? Maybe? Or not?

** again Zdarky's characterization of Damian is so outdated as to be ooc, and considering the way he constantly and explicitly uses it to illustrate Tim's strengths as robin, I'd argue there's. Also implications there. But the batshit insanity of the main batbook compared to B&R rn is crucial for this post, so I'm attempting to justify it. This time..

[suchalonelysunflower]

Babylon (l.h)

End Up Here -Part 5

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A lot has happened and too many things were left unsaid. Even after a month they still find ways to be in each others mind.

Warnings: Angst and smut. Mentions of vioence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, harassment, cheating, fighting, sexism, frustrations, alcohol. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count : 10.1 k

Author’s Note: I cried a lot writing this, so I’m sorry. Final Part coming up March 16th! Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

Liked by banksmadden, 5soslover55 and 1,750,316 others

yn5sos how did I end up here?

View all 55,432 comments

ashtonirwin who’s there with you?

hater7 pathetic

ynfan2 LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE

5sosfan9 this is so irresponsible. I thought you were better.

↪️ yn5sos me too

*

“OUT OF CONTROL: Singer Y/N L/N seeing partying once again after the concert. L/N was last seen with a crowd of people, none of which were her bandmates” 

“Sensitive, are we? On their last concert, Y/N L/N from the band 5 Seconds of Summer was caught running away from the stage mid-show, leaving her poor bandmates Calum Hood and Michael Clifford to finish the song for her. L/N came back minutes later to finish the show. Videos show the singer crying along to the love songs” 

“5SOS BREAKING UP? SINGER Y/N L/N GOING M.I.A ON BAND’S SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVES FANS CONFUSED AND WORRIED” 

*

“Y/N?!” Ashton kept banging at the door. His patience ran thin as the girl refused to answer “Y/N! C’mon!” 

“She’s still not answering?” A voice called behind him. 

Calum and Michael were already dressed up, ready for another day of interviews in a foreign language. Ashton assumed that the girls were already downstairs waiting for them. 

The older man shook his head, frustration clear on his face as he kept banging on the door like it was his drums. 

“Y/N, I will break down the door if you don’t open it!” 

It wasn’t an empty promise. They could pay the hotel after but he’d be damned if something happens to Y/N. 

She hasn’t been herself since Luke left. When they came back from doing promo that day they were met with the news of him leaving. Y/N didn’t leave her room that whole day. 

They were mad, furious even, with Luke. All the things they warned him about were thrown down the drain. They told them not to believe the media and to talk to Y/N but he did none of those things, he only made it worse for all of them, especially the girl who was now spending half the tour absent-minded over heartbreak. 

She told them several times that she was fine “I asked him to leave” She would say. But they know better than to believe her right away when she says those stuff, not after that night when she told them the truth about Madden. They swore never to make that mistake again, but history was repeating itself! Only this time it was ten times worse. 

Y/N would go out every night after the show, no matter in which part of the world they found themselves in. She was determined to drown herself in alcohol rather than self-pity. They tried to spot her several times but she wouldn’t listen, so they agreed that at least one of them would accompany her whenever she went out just to make sure that she is safe and that she doesn’t go too far. 

Last night, however, it was Michael’s turn but Beth felt sick so he couldn't go. He texted Calum, but he was already asleep so he didn’t see the message. Ashton was out with Dani for a date night and when he came back he found Michael in the lobby asking for some medicine for Beth’s stomach and when Calum answered their call with a sleepy voice they realized that Y/N was alone. 

And now she wouldn’t answer the door. 

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Why do you gotta bring the lord into this?” 

The three men turned around and found Y/N standing next to them. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged, but his eyes remained empty as she looked at them quizzically. 

“Were you already downstairs this whole time?!” Ashton asked, raising his voice. Y/N cringed as she shushed him.

“Ugh, could you talk any louder? My head is killing me”

Calum looked at his friend up and down, realizing what was happening “You just came back, didn’t you?”

All three of them turned their heads to her, unable to believe what was in front of them. This wasn’t the Y/N they knew. She was never like this, ever. 

Y/N rolled her eyes at the sad, angry, and pitiful looks of her friends. She didn’t need to answer what was obvious. 

“Where were you all this time?” Michael asked “We were worried sick” 

“Wow, thanks dad,” She said with sarcasm, walking towards her door as she tried to find her key somewhere along with her pockets “I was at the bar. Did you know they open 24 hs? There’s no such thing as the last call here! I love this country” 

She let out a little squeal of joy when she finally found her key, pushing Ashton out of the way with the side of her body as she inserted it on the lock. 

“We have an interview in 30 minutes!” He reminded her.

“Yeah, your girl told me that downstairs” She answered before she started to close the door “Have fun with that” 

But before she could close it completely, Ashton’s foot got in the way.

“You can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” He said with a serious tone, ignoring the pain of the door hitting his foot, still trying to close on him. 

Y/N pushed a little harder “I want to sleep, Ashton. Good night” 

“No! Goddammit, Y/N. This has gone too far!” 

She opened the door, making Ashton trip, and almost fell to the floor in front of her. She was beyond pissed as she began to talk.

“No! Everything has already gone too far, I’m just catching up!” She spat loudly, making the boys look at her in surprise “Madden went too far, the media went too far, the industry went too far and Luke went too far. And I let them crash into me like I’m just a bystander, waiting to pick up the pieces they left of me! So excuse me for finally doing whatever they thought I did. Forgive me for catching up to this fucked up world and finally live up to their false expectations! But I’m not allowed to break down, not right now and probably not ever! So I will keep running. Maybe that way, if I catch up, they’ll leave me the fuck alone” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, but she will not cry in front of them. Not anymore “So, good fucking night” 

Ashton closed his eyes when he felt the wind of the door slamming inches away from his face. He raised his hand to knock again, but soon he let it fall with a sigh. 

He turned around to face the guys and they all had the same hurt expression, not because she hurt them, but because she was hurting herself. They all thought she was doing it unconsciously, but now it was rather obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

Y/N is destroying herself because there’s almost nothing left of her. So she’s speeding up the process. 

“We can’t leave her like that” Michael said in a whisper, none of them were looking at the door right now, all their eyes were set on the floor as they contemplated their options.

“Well, she doesn’t want to see us. That’s for fucking sure” Calum murmured. 

The three men stood in silence in the hallway. Breathing heavily from time to time as their minds tried to find a way to reach out to Y/N before it was too late. 

“We have to do something” Michael broke the silence again, fidgeting with his fingers as he met the worried eyes of his two best friends “The fans are already saying that she’s going to leave the band and-“

“No,” Ashton interrupted him, clenching his jaw as the headlines of the articles ran through his mind “We are not letting that happen” 

“But what if she wants to?”

“Then that’s not our Y/N/N,” He said “And I refuse to lose her this way or in any way, for that matter”

After a few minutes, it was clear that Y/N was not coming out of her room any time soon. So the boys had to get downstairs to get to the interviews, already thinking about excuses to justify her absence once again. 

They wanted to stay with her, but management was already being too hard on them as it is, and they didn’t want Y/N to pay the consequences if they didn’t show up to at least one promo interview. So they had no choice but to leave her alone in her room. 

Once the elevator doors opened, the three of them were met with the worried eyes of their girlfriends who quickly met up with them halfway. 

“How is she doing? She didn’t speak to us when she came through the doors” Bethany explained as she stood next to Michael, grabbing his hand in comfort.

Ashton just shook his head.

“We talked,” Kat said with a sigh “We decided that we are staying here with her” 

“What?”

“You’ll be fine in the interviews without us, but she needs someone. Even if we just wait for her in the lobby all day. Someone needs to check up on her” Kat continued. 

“She’s lonely,” Danielle followed, “Even if she doesn’t want to admit it. She’s hurting too much for words to even describe” 

The boys knew they were right. Even if Y/N doesn’t want to, they will still be there for her every step of the way. They were not going to leave her to drown. 

“Thank you,” Ashton said, truthfully “But there’s gotta be something else we could do for her… just standing by and keeping an eye on her while she wastes away is just…” 

He couldn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to. They all knew what he was referring to; that damn feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. 

“We’ll figure something out,” Calum said confidently “We are not going to give up on her”

*

There was nothing much to do back in L.A. as Luke found out when he stepped out of the plane almost a month ago. His life has completely changed since he met her and now… Now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

It was his own fault, that’s what he reminded himself every single day since the morning Y/N asked him to leave. He acted on emotions rather than with reason, angry with the world that allowed him to get close to her just to rip her out of his hands the moment he realized his mistakes. He should’ve listened, should’ve fought, should’ve stayed. He should’ve done a lot of things and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it. 

He hasn’t checked anything about Y/N since he came back. No articles, no tweets, no posts… nothing. He feels as if he didn’t have the right anymore. He never had the right to do it from the beginning, not without letting them fill his brains with lies that eventually left him in pieces.

How could he? How could he let all those things get to him? Everyone told him to ignore them, not to believe the lies that were written for the clicks and the gossip. He knew the truth, he lived with it, and yet, he had turned on her the second it had become too much. 

Y/N was a private person and Luke could never understand why. Why if she was so private with her life did every news article write about her? They were all lies. And if he had at least an ounce of decency he would’ve realized that sooner and stand by her side instead of siding with the media. Yet, those thoughts were sticking with him at the back of his head, haunting him even in his sleep. 

How easy it was for him to turn away from her. How easy it was for him to leave her. But how hard it was to ignore the love he feels for her, knowing that she won’t take him back and with good reason. Y/N deserves better, in every way, shape, or form. She was such a bright light in such a dark world, and he just hopes she will be strong enough to see it someday, even if he’s not by her side anymore.

God, he was just a fucking idiot. 

And now, as he walked past the coffee shop where they first met while he fought the urge to cry again, he was willing to beat himself up for it. For losing the only person he cared about just because he wasn’t brave enough to fight for her as he should’ve. There wasn’t anything that didn’t remind him of Y/N, nothing he could do to shake the self-inflicted pain he caused, so he thought better than to let it consume him. 

Luke sat on an empty bench near the campus, his classes didn’t start until a month from today but he longed for some kind of distraction. Once he settled, he took out his notebook and started writing. He doesn’t write about love anymore, rather he wrote about the loss of it while still mourning it fresh on the flesh. Finally understanding what Ashton meant when he said that heartbreak breaks you, and, for a moment, he thought about how she might feel at this moment; if she, at least once, thought of him with something wasn’t hate.

He spent hours sitting outdoors, writing as if his time were to end at any moment. He wrote letters of forgiveness, poems of grief, and free thoughts of the guilt he was feeling. He didn’t mention her, but they were all about and for her. For his Y/N who was now a world away and who he will not call his ever again. 

It must’ve been late when his phone started to ring; the streetlights were starting to lit up the pavement as the sun started to set, leaving soft shades of pink and purple to cover up the sky. He didn’t know the number, so he let it ring thinking it might be just one company trying to sell him something he didn’t need. 

But the unknown caller was relentless; calling and calling until Luke decided to answer after the fourth time. 

“Hello?” He said, annoyed by the interruption. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; not like he had anyone to talk to, after all. 

“You fucker” The voice at the other end said. Luke froze when he recognized it. 

“A-Ashton?” 

“Were you expecting the fucking queen?” He sounded angry and even through the phone he left Luke completely intimidated as he sunk into his seat. 

“How - Whose number is this?” Luke asked, knowing he had all their numbers saved in his phone. 

“Would you have answered if you saw my name on the screen?” He wouldn’t, they both know it. But at the same time…

“Why are you calling me?” He finally muttered, his head wrapped around the only reason Ashton, out of all people, would be calling him. He knew it was not to catch up “Is Y/N okay?! Did something happen to her?!” 

Something must be terribly wrong if Ashton was calling him. That man was very protective over his best friend and Luke was sure he would’ve killed him if he found him the day where he yelled at her, knowing that Y/N must’ve told him everything. He knew Y/N was not going to forgive him and neither will the boys for that matter. That day he lost more than just his girl. 

Ashton laughed without any kind of humor “No, she’s not. Of course, she’s not! You happened to her, mate. I don’t know what the fuck you did but she hasn’t been the same since you left.” 

Luke’s eyes widened “She didn’t tell you?” 

If he thought about it, it really wasn’t that surprising. Y/N never talked about her problems with him, but the boys always knew everything, them being the only people she knew she could trust with her whole heart. Luke had always been jealous of that, but once he found out the truth of why she kept some things for herself he understood why she could only trust her bandmates with it. He immediately thought that she would tell them everything, every word he said and the hateful words he wrote, but she didn’t and that could not mean anything good. 

“She told us enough. That you believed the lies of her and Madden and didn’t let her explain before you lashed out and she asked you to leave. Not a single detail about it, only that you were gone and were not coming back. I guess she didn’t want us to kick your ass, but Luke, you better be certain that-”

“I know!” Luke said with a sigh “I deserve it” 

“Dude, what the fuck did you do to her?” 

How could he tell him? How could he mutter the courage to tell one of his best friends how he absolutely fucked up? Ashton would hate him, with every reason in the world he should hate him. Luke just hoped that he didn’t. 

He, Calum, and Michael were the only friends he knew since he met Y/N. They took him in, welcomed him into the group with gritted teeth with the only condition to never hurt their friend. And after a year of being friends, he broke not only Y/N’s trust but theirs as well. And the fact that Y/N didn’t tell them what he’d done seemed cruel because now he had to. Breaking more hearts than their own. 

“I fucked up, Ash” Luke muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips as he crouched forward on the bench and placing his elbows on the top of his thighs, getting ready to face the consequences of his actions “I fucked up badly. I was just- You saw those articles, you saw those tweets and those photos. She never talked about him so I thought… What was I supposed to think? She had a reputation, and with the way, she acted the night before it all made sense to me. So I snapped”

“Luke, I swear to GOD if you touched her-”

“NO! God no, I would never!” Luke quickly stated, horrified at the thought of ever hitting her. He was not like that. He would never be like that “But the things I said to her… fuck, Ash. I threw everything in her face, called her a whore and a cheater without giving her a chance to explain herself. I was so fucking angry and she didn’t say a word. She took all of it in silence and I kept going, even when she begged me to stop I kept going... I didn’t know. You must know that I didn’t know what happened to her or her past with Madden. If I knew then I would’ve never-” 

“But you did” 

Ashton's words were simple, but they cut deeper than a knife through Luke’s heart. He never heard him sound so disappointed and angry. It reminded him of her and the last words she said to him.

“Luke, this girl has been through so much and you still went and dragged her through the mud just to hurt her”

“I didn’t want to-”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me” Ashton barked into the phone “You did. She gave you everything she could give and you threw it on her face like it was nothing without a chance to explain herself. And it’s not like she could run off, turn off her comments and go back to a normal life! I have never seen Y/N so broken since-” He stopped “What did she tell you?” 

Luke knew he was referring to Madden. He remembers her face covered in tears, lips trembling and body shaking as she told him what happened in that relationship. He finally saw the hurt and scars that covered her soul. 

“She told me what she could” 

Ashton sighed “Then you must know that she would never go back to him,” He said, Luke could tell by his voice that he was hurting, too “He met her at a concert in our second world tour as a solo act. He is the son of a very famous producer and they hit it off right away. We didn’t know exactly when things turned for the worse, but we knew something was happening. She would cover herself more, never hanging out with us unless he was present, she wouldn’t eat in front of him or talk to any of us directly unless it was something about work and that still pissed him off. We all heard the rumors of him cheating on her, but she always dismissed them saying that he loved her and he would never do that. I still wonder what other things we didn’t know that she’s still processing.

It wasn’t until the night he almost killed her that we understood the severity of it. She came by my house while I and the others were hanging out. She was bleeding all over herself, her face was covered in blood just as her shirt and pants. It was terrifying; I don’t remember ever driving that far to the hospital, paying the nurses to keep quiet because she kept asking to keep it a secret. That bastard broke her nose and one of her ribs. She had bruises on her arms, stomach, eye, inner thighs, and legs and a cut over her eyebrow. She lost a lot of blood on her way to my house so Calum had to donate some of his because she needed a transfusion. She stayed in the hospital overnight; the next morning we filed a restraining order against Madden and she moved in with me that same day, promising herself and to us that she would never let someone do that again to her. We promise we would never let anything happen to her from that moment on” 

Luke was shedding silent tears at Ashton’s story, all the things he imagined happened to her didn’t compare to the reality she suffered. And he only made it worse. 

“She was never the same after that” Ashton continued “Until you came into the picture” 

Ashton could hear Luke crying over the phone, his sniffs had given him away. But he knew he needed to hear this; he needed to know. 

“We didn’t want you to get close to her, afraid you might hurt her the same way Madden did, but she insisted that you were different, that you were a good guy. And against our better judgment, we believed her. We never expected that little by little, we would get our Y/N/N back. She was smiling again, laughing and singing songs about the love we never thought she’d be able to sing again. It was so obvious that she loved you that we couldn't do anything about it but be happy for her, you brought her back to us. 

I guess Madden saw that and didn’t like it, that’s why he came to see her that night. We don’t know much about what happened there or what he said to her, but she was shaking when she came back. All she said was that he cornered her, threatened her and called the paparazzi that worked for his father to take pictures of them, and since we were not in America, there was nothing the restraining order to do to help her”

“He did what?!” Luke shouted at the phone, fuming over the fact that that fucker decided to get close to her when she was vulnerable. He promised that if he ever saw him he’d kill him. 

“Now you care about what happened?” Ashton asked in return, frustration lacing his voice at Luke’s sudden feeling of protection “Luke, she called you over ten times that day as she was breaking down in the green room. She asked us all if we could get ahold of you because the driver came back without you. She was so fucking scared and you weren’t there when she needed you by her side. So don’t you fucking dare get offended right now. It already happened and you weren’t there” 

Ashton was right. Luke had no right to be furious at the moment, given that he was the one who abandoned her deliberately when he saw the pictures of her and her abuser. He had the excuse of ignorance, but that wasn’t enough. It never has, not it ever will be, because his girlfriend needed him at the time and he left her alone. 

He cried into the phone, not caring if Ashton could listen or not. He was so fucking angry at himself, at Madden, at the world… He was supposed to protect her, he said he would and then he gave the final punch. He failed her because of his insecurities. 

“I’m sorry” He cried, but Ashton was having none of that. 

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing for”

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Listen to me you shit” Ashton hissed into the phone “I don’t care what you think she wants. She is destroying herself over the fact that the last person she thought would hurt her left her because he chose to believe the lies of the media over his own girlfriend”

Luke’s heart broke all over again “She’s what?” 

“Oh my god, how dense are you, dude? Now you decide to ignore the gossip?! She’s been going out all night, drinking herself to death and refusing help from any of us. She is slowly killing herself by killing her soul” He sounded worried, scared even, as he muttered the last words “We are losing her” 

“Wh-what can I do?” Luke asked helplessly. Not being able to bear the thought of Y/N being gone. 

“We booked you a flight. Figure it out and don’t make us regret it” 

*

“Forgetting the lyrics again? Y/N L/N surely knows how to displease an audience”

“Y/N L/N MISSES YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW AFTER PAPARAZZI CAUGHT HER AT A PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE”

“What is going on with YN?” 

*

He arrived late to the hotel, having his flight delayed for a few hours, and the boys were already waiting for him in the lobby. Luke took a deep breath as he spotted them from afar, they were talking among them, concerned looks covering their expressions as they looked through their phone. 

Luke walked up to them, mustering enough courage to say “Hi,” 

The three men turned towards the blonde, Calum quickly walking up to him and punching him in the face, caught Luke by surprise as he backed up holding his nose and looking at Calum with widened, surprised eyes. 

“That’s for hurting my best friend, you asshole!” He said, making the other guests look in their direction. 

Luke hissed as he made sure he wasn’t bleeding “Thank you. I deserved that” He said, blinking twice “But to be honest I was expecting Ashton to deliver the blow” 

“Calum won at rock, paper, scissors” Ashton shrugged “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. We still need to have a serious talk and I might punch you there” 

Luke nodded, understanding that he did not only fail Y/N, but he also failed them. He promised them that he would take care of their best friend and they believed him. They even helped them get together and served as trust advisers for Luke about what it means to date a celebrity and yet he ignored every single one of them. 

He might never get their trust back, but now they needed to focus on other things more important than that.

“Where is she?” He asked. 

“Out,” Michael answered “The girls went with her. We don’t want her to be alone when she’s drunk” 

They started walking towards the door, getting into the car that would take them to Y/N and the rest of the girls. “Do you know what you will say to her when you see her?” Calum asked. 

“No,” Luke answered honestly “I guess I’ll know then”

“And you better not fuck it up again, Hemmings, or I swear it’s going to be the last thing you do” 

*

The dance floor was crowded. People were dancing one against the other as the beats of the songs reverberated all over their bodies and started the flame of having just one night of fun. Among them it was Y/N, dancing in the corner with her friends and ignoring their concerned eyes as she moved freely thanks to the alcohol that was cursing through her veins. She knew she had to wake up soon, but she just wanted to keep living this dream every night instead of facing the nightmares that would come in the morning.

She missed how easy everything was before that night when the nightmare started. When she couldn’t find Luke in the crowd of their concert nor their bedroom late at night. Now she doesn’t even want to go to sleep, knowing that she won’t find him there ever again, all because she asked him to leave. 

But he wanted to leave, even before she asked him he was already getting his stuff to leave her “cheating ass”, writing words that describe their relationship as toxic. Is that what it was? Were they toxic or just scared? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, not after spending night after night trying to erase those words out of her mind, but they were already scared forever in her skin. She promised herself she would carry them as a battle wound, as proof that no matter what you do, you could never win when the whole world seems against you even when you have done nothing wrong… Unlike now. 

She knew what she was doing, she knew she was disappointing a lot of people. She was disappointed in herself, too, but she couldn’t stop. The world was finally telling truths about her and it felt nice to at least have that. They denied her the truths for so long, feeding everyone lies that they would believe without hesitation or her explanation, just like Luke did, and now she was finally acting like people supposed she had. Now, at least she had control over that. 

She wondered if Luke ever thinks about her. If he’s forgiven her for whatever he thinks she’s done or if he continues to read the articles and rejoice in the fact that he was right, even when he wasn’t, he was right. Maybe he’d be proud? 

“Darling, are you alright?” She heard Bethany shout over the music. All the girls were looking at her. She didn’t realize she stopped dancing. 

However, she just nodded “I’m going to get more drinks!” She said, faking a smile even though the girls could tell that she was crying. But she was so far out she couldn’t even feel the tears that rolled down her cheek.

Y/N gripped the marble countertop of the bar, trying to hold herself steady. She was thinking again, she didn’t want to think anymore. She ordered two shots of tequila and drowned them down before asking for two more. But before she could drown the fourth one, someone snatches the drink out of her hand.

“Heeey” She slurred “Don’t get between me and my- oh, hello!” She smiled happily at the stranger who took her drink from her “You look a lot like my ex-boyfriend” 

Luke’s eyes widened at the word. She has never called him her boyfriend in front of people before. He glanced behind her and saw Michael, Ashton, and Calum already standing next to their girls, nodding encouragingly at him. 

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes meeting hers and noticing the glimmer of tears in them. But she kept on smiling and nodding before she started to pout.

“But shhhhh,” She said, laying her head on the counter, almost like she wanted to take a nap “It’s a secret. No one knows we’re together… or were together. They will never leave him alone if they find out”

“Who?” 

Y/N looked to the sides, almost as if making sure no one was listening before she leaned into him and whispered “The media,” Then she started to giggle “If they found out I have a boyfriend then they will want to know everything about him! And poor Luke wouldn’t be able to handle that, he shouldn’t go through that” 

Luke’s heart broke at the sight of the drunk girl sighing in the bar, holding her empty shot glass and sniffing every other word to stop the tears from falling.

“He doesn’t deserve that, the hate. He’s a good guy, a little shy and awkward, but he’s nice. But the media is cruel and a liar, and I don’t want him to feel baaaaad. How stupid it is that because I love someone they should get hated on, right? Hahaha, I just wanted to protect hiiiim, cause I love him sooo so much. I even protected him from my friends! You know?! I never told them what he did to me in case they wanted to keep their friendship going, Luke is a very shy guy and he loved them very muchhh, I couldn't take that from him"

“Even if he hurt you?” Luke’s words were careful and filled with pain. When the boys told him that she was getting drunk each night he never imagined her this far gone. He never imagined her this sad. 

Y/N shook his head “I deserved to get, hic, hurt” She said between hiccups “He said I was a cheating whore monster liar, b-b-but I don’t blame himmmm. I’m sad but at least he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and this BULLSHIT” She yelled, throwing her hands up to the sky. But then she started crying, sobbing as she tumbled backward before Luke caught her.

Luke was trying to contain his own tears as she sobbed into his embrace “I just want to tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from myself” She cried “I wanted to be happy with him but we are both sad and toxic for each other. That’s what he said in his poem. I-I-I just w-want him to be ha-happy” 

Luke cried as he held her, burying his face into her hair as both of their bodies trembled. Even when she had every right to hate him, she still wants to protect him. Something he should’ve done. 

“I’m so sorry, my love” He cried, making Y/N look at him with worried, tearful eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, stranger,” She said as she cupped his face and wiped his tears “I’m sad but you should be happy!” 

“Why?” 

“C-cause you’re not me” 

Luke stared into her eyes, she was smiling while the tears kept falling. Even at her lowest, she tried to be strong for everyone around her, even the stranger she thought he was. He pressed his lips on a thin line and nodded, hugging her tighter as if he was trying to hold on to the last piece of her that didn’t show coldness to him before she remembers everything in the morning. At least he would hold her one more time. 

Y/N didn’t understand much of what was happening but she returned the hug with the same energy, letting the stranger cry into her shoulder as she rubbed his back with her fingertips, wondering what Luke was doing right now. She decided that she didn’t want to know. 

“I want to sleep,” She said after a minute of holding the man. 

Luke pulled away from her, wiping his tears as he nodded “Then let’s get you to bed, my love” 

She shook his head, pulling on his hand as he tried to walk them out of the club “But Luke won’t be there when I wake up” 

All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, did she want him there? “I’ll be there,” He said. 

“What?” 

“He’ll be there. I promise”

Luke gave one last look at the group. They were all staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, actually surprised that this didn’t end badly just yet. Luke nodded at them and pulled Y/N with him, the rest of the guys followed him into the car as they made their way back to the hotel. 

Y/N slept all the way back, her head was placed in Luke’s shoulder as the blond kept staring at her, silent tears still dying on his cheek. The guilt was eating him alive; it was painful to see her this way, but at the same time he knew that she was at peace as she slept, letting the world fade for at least a few minutes before reality came crashing down.

When they reached the hotel, Luke carried her back into her room. He sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes as she lazily rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, suddenly waking up for a moment.

“Luke?” She asked. Luke raised his head and was met with her eyes already locked with his, a glaze of new tears adorned her pupils as she whispered “Am I dreaming right now?” 

“No,” He answered, voice as soft as hers as he got up and placed a kiss on the top of her head “No, you’re not, darling”

“Good. I always hate to wake up without you there” She said, looking over her shoulder to the empty side where Luke used to sleep. 

They both stayed quiet for the rest of the night. Luke took off her silk shirt and leather pants and helped her put on one of the big shirts she’s used to sleeping in. He wiped the makeup off her face and followed her nighttime routine without missing a step. When she was done, she curled up to her side and quickly fell into a deep slumber. 

Luke stared at the girl, his heart aching for her as he saw how fragile she looked while she slept. He thought about all the things she said that night, how he never considered her side of the story before. How he just assumed that she was hiding him because she didn’t want people to find out she was taken when in reality she didn’t want people to hurt him the way they hurt her. The way he hurt her.

Tears started to pick up in his eyes again. He hated to cry but there was nothing else he could do at the moment. Everything became too much too fast and he didn’t know if he could fix it. So all he could do was cry for the girl he loves and the girl he lost, not knowing if she would ever come back to him. 

“I’m sorry” He whispered in a quiet sob, getting into bed with her and holding her close “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry, my love” He kept murmuring into her hair until sleep claimed him as well. 

*

The next morning Y/N wakes up in her hotel bed but she doesn’t know how she got there. She looks to her side but the bed is empty, yet she finds an aspirin and a bottle of water in her nightstand. She wonders who was the poor soul that had to go with her last night to make sure she doesn't end up drunk in a ditch, at least they succeeded. 

Then she hears water running up in the bathroom and her heart sinks. Did she bring someone here last night? No, she wouldn’t do that. But she was very drunk… Oh my god, what did she do? 

Luke could hear her shuffling in the bed as he brushed his teeth. “It is now or never,” He thought, but he didn’t know what he would find behind the door. She didn’t know him yesterday, but today was another story and Luke’s heart shrank at the thought of Y/N hating him for coming back, even if it was to apologize to her. He was terrified, but he was tired of running away. 

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Y/N’s surprised gaze. The girl was quick to cover herself up, cheeks tinted red at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in her hotel room. She didn’t miss the flash of hurt that ran through his face when she did that. 

“Luke…” She said in one breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious by his presence “What are you- Did we-?” 

“No,” He answered quickly, stepping closer to the bed “No, we didn’t. You were drunk and I- You know I would never do that to you” 

“I thought we didn’t know each other…” 

Her words lingered in the air between them, creating a tension that could be cut with a knife. How fast did they become strangers when they used to know every single cardinal point of their bodies, every breath they took and what they meant, every sigh, every look… Now they were just two people in a room with so much to say but with no words coming out of either of their mouths.

Luke noticed how her eyes changed. While they were no longer filled with tears, they now laid emotionless in front of him, dull and empty as she stared at him. 

“I did this to her,” He thought “I took the light of her eyes. It’s my fault” 

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence as she spoke “Well, thank you for bringing me here last night. You can go now” She said, tearing her eyes away from him as she sat on her edge of the bed. 

Luke stood still “No,” 

“I’m asking you to leave” Y/N clarified, her voice growing stronger but still a bit sore. 

“And I’m telling you I’m not going” He responded, taking tentative steps towards her “Something I should’ve done all those weeks ago” 

He was standing in front of her in a matter of seconds; he crouched to meet her eyes but she quickly turned her face away “Y/N, please” He begged, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as his knuckles caressed her skin while the other one was placed on top of her hands, both intertwined with each other on top of her thighs “You could look at me yesterday, please don’t deny me at least that. Let me see you, my love” 

But Y/N didn’t move, her face stayed turned to the side with her hair covering most of it. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t. It was too hard, too painful. Luke sighed.

“Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to, but at least listen to me, yeah? I just- I need you to listen, Y/N, please” He pleaded, placing both hands on top of hers “Y/N, I love you” 

The knot in his throat became tighter as he noticed how the veins of her neck tensed and she started to grip her hands tighter. But she needed to hear this, and even though it hurt to see her like that, he continued. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you” He said, voice breaking at the end, impossible to fight that choking feeling in his throat “I loved you since the moment I saw you. You were all dressed up in Calum‘s clothes and you had a pen in your hair, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but you were so nervous about trying to clean the coffee you spilled that you didn’t even notice I fell for you without knowing your name” He let out a tearful chuckle “I started to fall that day and I haven’t stopped, not even for a second. Y/N you are- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I was an idiot for not seeing that. I don’t know what I have to do for you to forgive me, but I’ll do anything, my love. Anything to make it better. Cause I followed you blindly from the start, and I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I let my insecurities come in our way. I love you, even then I never stopped loving you”

He could see how her chin started to tremble, she was trying to hold off the tears as much as him “I - I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve never said the things I said, I would’ve never doubted you or left without listening to what you had to say. I should’ve fought harder for you, but I was a coward. I still am, if I’m being honest, but I will not run away, Y/N. Not anymore. I know I will never deserve you, but I’ll do my best and try. Because you, my love, are the love of my life, the greatest love I have and - and I can’t -“ 

It became too much for him. He couldn’t say anything else without breaking down. But he wanted her to know how much she meant for him, how much he is willing to fight for her if she lets him. She needed to know how sorry he was and how much he still loves her. But the words got stuck in his throat. The poet was left speechless.

“Y/N you are so strong,” He finally said “So strong, my love. And I’m so fucking proud of everything you do, I always have and always will be” He brought her hands to his lips and started pressing kisses all over it while wetting them with his tears “I wish I could take back everything I said. All those words were said out of anger and jealousy, that is not how I see you at all. You are so beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. So kind, so smart, so giving… You are perfect. And I love you, I love you, I love yo-”

Suddenly his words were interrupted by her lips as she started kissing him. Y/N didn’t want to keep listening anymore so she did the only thing he could, the thing she wanted to do the most since she saw him come out of the bathroom. 

Their hands flew to cup each other’s cheeks, keeping their faces as close as they could, feeling how their tears became one as they started to deepen the kiss. They rocked back and forward with the intensity of their energies colliding once again, it was everything they needed and more. Suddenly, Luke got up from the floor and brought Y/N along with her, pressing her against the wall as their lips never left each other.

“I love you” He breathed into her lips before kissing her again and again and again, already getting lost in the feeling of euphoria she brought to him “I love you”

She kept crying as their lips met, savoring every word, every praise that came from his mouth, trying hard to hold on to them as she felt her breath become short “I missed you” She cried into the kiss, pulling away to see his face. 

Luke’s eyes were blown wide as he stared at her, their lips were pink as they tried to catch their breaths. He knocked his forehead against hers before kissing it lightly “Please, forgive me” He begged, holding her tight against his chest. 

“Luke,” She whispered as she tugged on his shirt, making him look back at her “Kiss me” 

He looked at her softly, his baby blue eyes saying more than he ever could as he caressed her cheek one more time before leaning down and trapping her lips with his. He had no rush because there was no other place he’d rather be, no other person he’d rather spend time with. Only her. Only his Y/N. 

Her hands traveled tentatively under his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his back and his stomach as she parted her lips to grant him more access and control. Luke’s hand that was not cupping her cheek rounded around her waist, bringing her body closer to him with the need of feeling her, all of her. 

“Y/N…” He groaned, tilting his head back when he felt her kiss along his jaw and neck.

“Please…” She murmured against his skin, sucking and kissing on the spot that she knew would make him shiver. 

Luke pressed her against the wall with his body completely covering hers. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her feet from the ground as she locked her legs around his waist. “Please,” She begged again, closing her lips around the shell of his ear and slightly biting into it. She could feel him getting hard as her hips moved forward, her core pressing against his hardening cock. She moaned softly into his ear  “Please, Luke. Please” 

The movement of her hips was all Luke needed to lose himself to her, thrusting right back at her and moaning at the friction of her soaked panties against his clothed erection. Her sound became more breathy and he knew she was getting close just by the friction alone, having spent too much time without this feeling. 

“Y/N…” Luke groaned into her after a particularly hard trust “I-”

“I know” She breathed “I need it too,” 

Without a second thought, Luke turned both of them around, still holding Y/N by the back of her thighs as he placed them back into the bed. Now it was his turn to kiss along her face, her lips, her neck… everywhere she would give him access to and would leave her breathing his name. His hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, taking it off completely in one swift move and occupying his hands by touching her breasts, massaging them softly as his lips closed against one of her nipples, tongue circling around the hard pebble until they were nice, erect and wet from his kiss only to do it again with the other one. 

Y/N was a whimpering mess under him, her fingers tangling in his hair as he sucked on her sweet spot, kissing down her body until his lips found her wet panties. He kissed over her clothes bundle of nerves, making her moan and begged for more as he swiftly hooked his long fingers at either side of her hips and pulled them down, kissing along her thighs up and down and up again only to finish tongue deep into her hole, lapping at her arousal and moaning against her at the taste of her. He always found her exquisite. 

Stars were playing behind her eyelids as she felt one finger inside her while Luke’s lips closed against her clit, sucking it lightly as he inserted another finger per her request, thrusting then inside and out as she chanted his name like a prayer when her walls clenched against them. 

Luke licked her clean as her fingers played with his hair, relishing this intimate moment as a precious memory for the future. When he pushed himself up he noticed that there were a new set of tears rolling down her cheeks “Are you okay, love?” He asked, “Did I hurt you?” 

She shook his head, looking up at him with teary eyes “I love you” 

His eyes soften at her words, hands caressing the side of her face as he leaned in without thinking, kissing her tears away with such care, never wanting to see them again.

“Luke…” She whispered, kissing his chin “Luke, make love to me” 

Blue eyes met Y/E/C, sharing all the love he had in them before leaning down again to trap her lips with his; tongues dancing together like it was the first time all over again where no other words were needed. 

Y/N helped him out of his shirt and shorts, pumping his cock in her hands as he moaned in her ear how good it felt before lining it up with her entrance, quiet gasps leaving each other’s mouths as they felt the familiar stretch when he bottomed out. 

Soft words and kisses were shared as Luke’s thrusts were slow and steady. It was silent, needy, passionate; it was everything they needed and more. Their hands explored the familiarity of their bodies, leaving faint marks as they enjoyed their shared pleasure.

“Please,” She begged against his lips, moaning as Luke started hitting her spot “Please, please, please, plea-” 

Her orgasm came over her like a wave and Luke was entranced with her face as it contorted in extasis, helping him reach his climax as he cum inside her, painting her walls as his thrusts became sloppy. 

They stayed like that for a while, kissing on top of each other as their bodies stayed connected in the most intimate way. But soon Luke had to get up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her up, whispering sweet nothings to her as he did so. 

He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her closer against his chest as his back rested against the headboard, drawing circles in the soft spot of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head. 

They must’ve fallen asleep after a while because when he opened his eyes again he felt Y/N crying into his chest.

“My love?” He asked, worry lacing his voice as he accommodated himself better so he could see her face. Y/N eyes were puffy and filled with tears as she struggled to contain a sob “What’s wrong?” 

Y/N sniffed, voice breaking as she asked “You love me?” 

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion “What a stupid question,” He said as he started playing with your hair “Of course I love you” 

“But what else?” 

Her question confused him, even more, when he saw pure heartbreak spread along her face. 

“What else what?” 

“You love me and what else?” She repeated her question. 

“What else is there?” 

Luke’s answer made her lips tremble as a new set of tears filled her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach with her reaction, not knowing what he did to make her this upset “Baby, what’s wrong? Is love not enough?” 

Y/N shook her head as she took a deep breath, trying to find enough voice and courage to say what she needed. 

“I’m not perfect, Luke” 

“I know,” He said, bringing his fingers to caress your cheek but you shook your head.

“No, you don’t know” She stated, tears rolling down her cheek “You still see me as something out of your reach, as something you don’t deserve because you hold me to such standards that is impossible for me to live up to your expectations. I will let you down, even without wanting to, I will. And- a-and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand that look in your eyes once I do. I can’t go through that again” 

She cried softly for a while, trying to find the right words to say.

“Luke, I need you to listen to me very carefully and really think about what I’m asking for here, okay, love?” She said after collecting herself just enough. He nodded as he gave her his undivided attention “Luke, I love you. More than anyone in the world, I love you. I thought I would never say those words again but I can’t deny my feelings for you nor do I want to. I love you. But I also love my life” 

Luke’s eyes were fixed on her as she spoke, nodding along to what she was saying. She took another deep breath before continuing. 

“A life that is filled with concerts, traveling and recordings and parties and interviews… A life that I chose to follow my dreams and make them come true. A life I am not going to give up because it’s mine and I truly love it. But in this life, there are some bumps in the road. There will always be people trying to bring me down, sending hate to me and the ones I love, spreading rumors all around where sometimes you won’t be able to distinguish fiction from reality. With people trying to get to me, by flirting or abusing their power with threats. But I keep going, I deal with all of that because that’s just the way it is. I will go to an interview that might get twisted, I might go and get flirted on by a random stranger that works for publicity. I might have rumors of me dating people I haven’t even met! All of that without my consent or knowledge. But I agreed to this when I agreed to follow my dreams and I can’t help it when it happens and most of the time I can’t say anything about it even if it hurts. 

And when that happens I need to know that you will trust me. Because I cannot possibly ask you to leave your dreams to follow mine, meaning that we won’t be together all the time like we’re used to. And I need to know that you will trust me when I’m away from you”

Luke stayed quiet, his mind running a thousand miles per hour at her words. Could he trust her? When they were together on tour, and even at home in L.A, the rumors about Y/N were strong, so much so that he didn’t know if they were true or not. And even though he knew her, he still wasn’t sure. He doubted her, more times than not he did which ended up in him losing her until last night. He trusted her now, but…

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, feeling like the weight of his shoulders was being lifted as he spoke “I don’t trust my mind, not when it’s about you. Not really. I trust you here, right now but I can’t promise that my insecurities won’t get in the way, changing that for the future. But I can try, I’ll do my best-”

“What if your best is not enough, Luke?” She asked, sucking the air out of both of them. 

“What?” He asked in return, voice small and soft. 

She sighed, blinking through the tears “What if- What if it’s not enough? You love me, but you don’t trust me. I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to run away every time you hear something about me that could tint the image of me you have in your mind. I’m scared of that Y/N because I’m not her and I might never be able to compete with her. I wish I could tell you that everything will change for the better, that love will be enough. But if we can’t see a future now…”

“There might not be a future at all” Luke finished for her. 

The truth hurt more than they could ever have imagined, but it was still the truth. Without trust, there is no love that could endure the passings of times, but they could try, couldn’t they? 

“What now?” He asked after a moment of silence. 

“Hold me?” 

Luke opened his arms and Y/N nested into them, setting her head upon his chest and letting his heartbeat be the melody of her heartbreak. “I love you” She whispered into his skin.

“I love you, too” 

“I might never stop loving you” 

“You don’t have to” 

She sighed “I know, that’s what scares me”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He let his fingertips trace up and down her arms and back, serving as the only comfort he could give right now.

“Stay with me tonight?” She asked, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes “Just one night the two of us where we can leave the world behind. Just us and for tonight that’s enough”

He smiled sadly “Morning will come eventually” 

“And what will happen to us in the morning?” 

Luke let out a sad sigh “I don’t know” 

.

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash​ @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @wildflower98 @girl-toxxic

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi. I hope you had/are having a great summer break. I (INTP) am hoping for some perspective about an issue. Recently, my mother, whom I hadn’t seen in a while, became incredibly frustrated that I corrected her with an alleged “I know everything” attitude.

It’s an issue of concern because she revealed that I always do this. I guess this was the straw that broke it, especially given that what we were discussing was very trivial. (Maybe the frivolousness of the subject is precisely what made my correction seem more pedantic, unnecessary, arrogant.) She says that my attitude disregards her long life experience, and that if she were a stranger, she would think of me as a “snot-nosed brat who knows nothing about life” instead of as a “wise young person”, which is the viable alternative. She said that I am closed-minded and that I shoot everything down. (The problem of small-mindedness is what you addressed the only other time I wrote to you.)

I don’t know why I come off as arrogant. I’m sure that I’m not. I asked my mother what it was that made her think that, which she thought was a silly question because what she sensed was a general demeanor rather than specific behaviors. In the end we were only able to establish that my lack of eye contact was one of those factors. I can work on that, but surely that’s not determinant. What makes people think of others as arrogant? Should I stop correcting people? I don’t correct others in order to feel superior to them. I do it because I like to debate, in order to keep my thinking sharp, and because there is something painful about friends/family having false notions. I think it’s fair to say that my intention isn’t rooted in arrogant soils.

Granted, my suggestion of stopping correcting people is black-and-white, given that there is the grey option of changing the *way* I correct people. I’m just wondering if it’s an unhealthy habit in the first place. But given how prevalent a thought process it is (i.e. questioning people’s statements and finding faults), the process of getting rid of it may be akin to self-directed psychological violence. I mean, this is the same mode of being that makes me good at what I’m good at. (There’s also the option of keeping the thought process, but not correcting people aloud, but I don’t know what else there is to talk about other than analyzing ideas and their faults. Maybe I should analyze ideas for their strengths too, and express that side more than the faults.)

So anyway, let’s go with grey: So far I’ve tried thinking of an arrogant person that I know in order to understand my behavior, but I can’t think of anyone. Also, no matter how hard I try to put myself in someone else’s shoes in order to simulate an interaction with myself, it doesn’t really work, and I can’t see the arrogance, except if I were to just tell someone “that’s wrong” without any explanation. (I wonder if that’s what went wrong in the conversation with my mother.) Either way, this whole issue boils down to the fact that I’m not arrogant by any reasonable criteria that I found online, but that I come off as such. This was longer than intended. Thanks for your kindness and help.

-----------------------

Here are some questions for you to reflect on. They are meant to increase awareness of your underlying assumptions, beliefs, and values. Answer honestly:

Do you care about your mom? Do you care about how she's faring, what she's experiencing, what she's thinking or feeling, what she needs and desires, what she hopes for or aspires to, etc?

If you care, how do you SHOW your care to her?

If you don't care, how does that affect your behavior toward her?

Do you believe that the mother-child relationship only goes one-way? (Is it the mom's job to do for you but you owe her nothing?)

You say you like to debate to sharpen your mind. Innocent enough. I like to roller skate to keep myself physically fit. In an ideal world, I would never take my skates off. Does my enthusiasm for roller skating mean that I slap my skates on anywhere, any time? No. Surely it is inappropriate to skate around a hospital or the supermarket. Not only could I seriously harm myself, I would also be exhibiting flagrant disregard for the safety and well-being of others.

What you like to do for yourself sometimes comes into conflict with other people. If you care about people and hope to have healthy and happy relationships with them, you have to take their needs and wants into consideration in every interaction. You have to abide by ethical rules and principles that allow your needs to be met without neglecting the needs of others or interfering with their ability to get their needs met. Without ethics, society wouldn't be able to function, because it would just be a free-for-all.

You mention small-mindedness. It is quite small-minded to walk around the world only thinking about what you need/want. In the best case scenario, you are completely oblivious to others, and they will perceive you as clueless or self-absorbed. In the worst case scenario, you only interact with people for your own personal gain, and that would make you an exploitative or even abusive person. Is that the kind of person you want to be?

Do you basically treat people as though their sole purpose on earth is to debate you and help you sharpen your mind - to serve you? Do you launch into debates with people without asking for consent or checking to see if they want to be corrected? If you do, they will call you arrogant, not because you've put yourself on a pedestal and call yourself superior like an evil cartoon character, but because you are communicating to them that your needs/wants are most important AND you don't give a damn about theirs.

Webster's definition of arrogance: "an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people". You believe that you know better, otherwise, you wouldn't grant yourself the social authority to intrude on people's boundaries, invalidate their experience, and correct them uninvited. You believe that you are smarter, otherwise, you wouldn't automatically assume the dominant social role of corrector. You behave as though you are the more important member of the relationship because your main priority is YOUR need to feel better (about your skills or about what others believe) while overlooking the other person's needs. Seems like you fit the definition quite well.

Despite that, I wouldn't call you arrogant because I understand that small-mindedness is a difficult problem to overcome. I see the effort that you're putting in to understand it. I'm charitable because I'm not the one who was hurt by your behavior. When people feel hurt, they often have difficulty expressing it. Maybe it comes out clumsily or they aren't able to explain their hurt without hurting you in return. Expressing one's true feelings is to make oneself vulnerable. If someone doesn't trust you to understand and validate their feelings or, worse, they believe that you will attack them for their feelings, they will not be completely honest with you. Your mom is trying her best to give you the benefit of the doubt by saying "if you were a stranger...", but she doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to express her hurt fully and explicitly as it happens. Why? Because the very reason she is hurt in the first place is that you have shown very little regard for her feelings. Following from the previous post of yours, the root of the problem is that you have such a poor understanding of feelings to begin with that you view them as inconsequential in yourself and others (very immature Fe).

I believe you have no ill-intent. I have said before that the typical Ti dom never sets out to hurt people on purpose. Rather, they hurt people unintentionally because their perspective is too small: 1) they don't grasp that other people's needs may be very different from their own and thereby fail to consider them, 2) they don't know how to empathize with different perspectives and validate them, and/or 3) they don't understand that SHOWING love and care is necessary for people to justify continued investment in the relationship.

In other words, Ti doms tend to hurt people out of negligence or acts of omission. Some of them get frustrated at not being able to solve their relationship problems. They might try to convince themselves that doing nothing means that no harm can be done, so they adopt a passive stance in the relationship and perhaps even train themselves to keep their mouth shut (self-violence). They fail to understand that there's more than one way to cause hurt. Instead of learning better relationship skills, they check out mentally and emotionally. Being checked out only makes it worse because you hurt yourself and you keep hurting others by being even less attentive to their needs.

The foundation of meaningful relationships is showing care. In a healthy relationship, people trust you to care for their emotional needs and not violate their personal boundaries. If you only attend to your own needs/wants in social interaction, you are signalling that you don't really care about the other person. This problem with your mom shows that you give little to no consideration for emotional needs and personal boundaries. If you don't want friends, it's entirely your choice to be alone for the rest of your life, pretending that you never leave any footprints behind you. If you want friends, you'll have to put out more effort to be a better friend, by paying more attention to the consequences of your behavior.

Doing things that violate trust and boundaries, even if unintentional, causes hurt. When people feel hurt and don't feel safe to express the hurt, they are liable to say/do negative things. To have good emotional intelligence is to see past the surface of their negative words/behavior and grasp the underlying emotional needs that were unmet and/or the personal boundaries that were violated. Only then can you be a morally responsible member of a relationship, in terms of owning all the ways that you impact people, both positively and negatively.

Arrogant people don't care about the social impact they produce. As long as they get what they want and don't lose anything, the existence of others is of little importance to them. If your mom is important to you, then learn how to show it better by listening to her when she tells you about her needs/wants. You hyperfocus on the literal meaning of the word "arrogant" and whether it is true/false of you, as though proving it false means that there's nothing wrong. You need to listen to the people you have hurt, if you want to understand why your behavior is hurtful. Alternatively, you need to educate yourself about emotional needs, interpersonal boundaries, and what constitutes un/ethical behavior and why.

[bvidzsoo]

Sunshine at the end of the tunnel

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: stealing, mentions of drugs and criminals, swearing

 Pairing: Boo Seungkwan x female reader

 Word count: 21, 763

 Summary:  You didn’t have a father, and your mother was an ex drug addict who wasn’t capable of having a stable workplace, so all the money was earned by you…and it wasn’t much at all. When you were fifteen, you stole a car and through more stealing and saving up little money, you managed to buy parts for the car that made it capable to race with. After you entered the scenery of racing, you had more money, but it still wasn’t enough. So one night, when Nitro was banned from using, you cheated and beat the best racers, earning thrice the money you usually did. Except, you weren’t as sneaky as you thought you were, Seungkwan was quick to realize what you were doing, but he kept silent about it and followed you home instead. Knowing where you lived, he showed up the next day and demanded answers, so you gave him what he wanted, taking him inside your house. Somehow, Seungkwan felt bad for you, and offered you a chance to make up for the stolen money…enter the tournament and win for him, and the Lee family.

 A/N:  AAA, it’s here! Lovelies, I’m SO happy I got to finally finish this oneshot! I apologize, but my schedule at uni isn’t the best and if I’m tired I’m unmotivated to write :// But at last it’s here! Please, leave feedback, I appreciate it greatly! If you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know on the main post, thank you! Also! Next is Wonwoo’s oneshot and I’m SO excited, like I love it SO much, you have no idea hahaha...you might get a feel of what the oneshot will look like by the end of this one hehe, *hint hint*. Also, something has happened because Boo Seungkwan is so hot lately and I can’t stand that...now, enjoy reading!

 Tag list: @rjsmochii​

 Unable to tag: @hanniewife

 Series M. List ~ Previous Part ~ Next Part

           Some kids have it all during their younger years, some kids have none at all. You belonged in the latest category. You’ve never had it easy, but you only started understanding that around the age of eight, when you started going to school. And you saw how other kids were dressed and what they owned. And of course, around the age of ten you started getting bullied for being poor. Something you already had suspected, but never thought deeply of it. Nevertheless, you cried that day after you got home and told your mother you were called poor, only for her to confirm that you indeed were. Kids were ruthless to each other and you didn’t like any of the ones your age. Probably why you had taken some questionable choices during your teenage years, as your mother wasn’t the best role model, and hung out with seventeen years old kids, when you were just fourteen. It was safe to say that by the age of sixteen you were sick of all alcohol and some of the softer drugs you had tried previously. You mother caught you several times and she even grounded you severely, which you found quite ironic, as she was doing the same thing as you and not even secretly, unlike you. Your mom became a drug addict at the age of thirty-five and things from then on just continued getting even worse. You found your first job at the age of fifteen, because your mother barely left the house and she got fired from her decently paying work place. It’s when your life took the hardest turn. You had to balance school with your job and also the very illegal races you were attending at night to earn a little bit more. Which was rare as your car sucked. It wasn’t even your car in the first place, you had stolen it a year prior, after realizing that no one was using the red Mazda anymore. You took your time to learn about cars and how they worked as you snooped around various car services, finding the Lee family’s, which was famous around town. One night as you were hiding behind the building, underneath an open window, listening to the mechanic conversing with someone named Seungkwan, you overheard them talking about some racing. It’s how you found out about the only activity that you currently actually enjoyed doing. You tried to upgrade your car as best as you could with stolen pieces from here and there, which was pretty obvious as you lost more times than you won. That was until a year ago, when you waltzed inside the Lee family’s garage and demanded them to hand over one of their Nitro tanks, throwing the exact amount of cash needed for it on Lee Jihoon’s desk. The man looked at you and asked no questions, asking this Seungkwan guy once again, to bring out a tank of Nitro. You tested it at the service to make sure they weren’t fucking you over and then left with the biggest grin on your face. It took half a year to actually assemble the Nitro tank into the car, but you made it. Four years of constant hard work and stealing from time to time finally paid off and you were sure you’d win more races now. And you were right, but you couldn’t compete against important people still, therefore the money you earned wasn’t much or enough to buy a good car anytime soon. It would’ve been fine with you, but your mother had a relapse around the time you spent all your money on the Nitro tank and now you had debts at the hospital as well and having to pay them back every month an amount of money made you spend some nights awake, debating if you should run away and start over in a new place or keep on fighting here, until eventually everything would turn alright. You had never thought of leaving up until that point, you didn’t think you’d be capable of abandoning your problematic mother. It wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t fend for the both of you, but at the same time, it was, and you understood that it wasn’t easy for her. With an absent father, you didn’t even know his name as your mother refused to speak of him, it had always been the two of you against the world. You lived happy moments with her, but very dark times too. Which were more frequent than the happy ones. You still loved your mother and were very proud of her when she found the strength to go to a rehab and get rid of all the drugs she had been taking. It’s been two years since she returned all clean, but she made sure to find a new vice. And that was alcohol. So now, at the age of twenty-one, you were the one working hard to keep your mother and yourself alive for another day. She had a job at a gas station, but she wasn’t taking it very seriously, and you had a feeling she’d get kicked out real soon, hence why you were so stressed about the races that were happening tonight. It was a special night, Nitro was prohibited from using and all cars entering would be checked, to make sure that the Nitro tank was sealed off manually, so that you wouldn’t be able to turn it on during the race. You had already turned it off, but you knew that meant no winning, and you couldn’t afford that. Not when you barely made any money today from the tips you had collected and you had to spend it on buying groceries as your fridge was literally empty this morning when you opened it to eat something.

You were walking down your street, the roads already illuminated as it was dark outside at this hour, hugging the two paper bags to your chest. You didn’t buy much as you didn’t have much money, but one of the grannies you worked for gave you a big bread to show her gratitude of helping her out and you had to carry it around with you all day. You didn’t use your car during the day, as you didn’t have a legal license and were afraid of getting caught, you only went out with it to the races and back home. Despite it being late, people were out on your street, making deals or just hanging out. You lived in a bad part of the city, where the crime rate was high, but your little street stuck together, weirdly. Since everyone knew everyone, you looked out for each other in small ways. If someone asked for food, you’d share the little you had, and if someone got picked on by anyone that wasn’t from your street, the big boys would gather up and scare off the intruder. You knew it wasn’t safe out there, but seeing Kevin and Kirk every night hanging out in front of your house was reassuring and made you feel safe. Everyone was scared of them, even the people living on your street, and you were smart enough to befriend them. Nothing major, just casually sharing your stuff with them from time to time quickly made them like you. Despite hating most people, you were really good with them.

Finally arriving to your house, Kevin and Kirk nodded your way and you smiled at them as you went to unlock the front door, but it opened. A tall, dark-haired man, stood in the doorway and his cheeks were red. Your eyes narrowed at him as you had never seen him in your life before, he looked younger than your mother and older than you. What was he doing here and who was he? He went to open his mouth, but your mother appeared behind him, wearing her nightgown only, and it all quickly clicked.

“Get out!” You snapped, stepping aside for the man to be able to leave. He gulped and looked lost as he glanced back at your mother. She gave him a sweet smile and suddenly you felt sick as you watched the man scurry off, getting whistled at by Kevin and Kirk as they laughed at how the man jumped. Your eyes fell on your mother and you felt even more sick as you stormed inside and past her, slamming the paper bags on the kitchen table.

“Listen—”

“Seriously?!” You snapped, whipping around to face your mother, “You were doing what with him, mom?!”

“Nothing, I met him at the gas station and we just chilled—” Your eyes ran quickly around the small apartment and fell on the small opened package next to the couch in the living room.

“Fucked, you mean?” You raised your eyebrows at your mother, watching her gulp uncomfortably.

“Can’t I sleep with men now?!” Your mother snapped back, getting defensive as she tightened the nightgown around her tall frame.

“How much did he give you?” You gritted out, feeling ashamed at the words you had to ask your mother. You hated it when she did this…you begged her to stop when you were fifteen, and she swore she’d never sleep with a man for money, ever again. It disgusted you that she’d let anyone touch her for a little money in plus.

“Enough.” Your mother muttered, looking tired as she lowered her eyes onto the carpet.

“No—not enough! It’s never enough! It’ll never be enough!” You eyebrows furrowed, and your voice shook as you walked closer to her, “It’s not worth it, mom! I asked you to stop. There’s so many other ways to make money, why would you—I don’t want you to do this anymore, or ever again.”

You tried to remain calm as your voice started rising, aware that the thin walls wouldn’t keep this conversation between them. You didn’t want anyone outside to hear what your mother did, afraid that they’d start ringing your doorbell more often and not just to ask for food. But suddenly your mother looked up, her eyes burning, and you realized you had angered her.

“What do you even know about this world, Y/N?!” She didn’t even bother, she started screaming, “Everything I do is for you! I wouldn’t bother if we had enough money! You think I enjoy it?! You think I would do it if it was just me?! I gave up on everything to raise you, I gave you everything I could, you have no right to look down on me and talk to me like that—”

“In the end it’s always my fault, isn’t it?!” Your voice shook a little as you glared at your mother, hurt and angry at the same time, “Maybe if you were capable of keeping your hands off the fucking alcohol and showed yourself a little fucking respect, we wouldn’t be here right now, mom! Who’s been constantly earning money and keeping us here for the past six years? You?! I don’t think so—”

Your mother raised her hand to slap you across the cheek, something she’s never done before, but you were quick to grab her wrist and yank her closer to you. You felt bad, she had tears in her eyes, but she finally pulled the final straw. You had never dared to talk to her like that before, being aware that she was trying her best, but enough was enough. Someone needed to open up her eyes, she was just forty, she still had a lot of time, she needed to fix herself and her problems. And if you were the only one who could wake her up to the reality she was living in, you’d do it.

“Get your shit together, mom.” You muttered angrily, letting her wrist drop from your grip, “Unless you want to get kicked out from this gas station too. If that happens, I won’t be paying for your food anymore nor split the bill with you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Your mother whispered, eyes widening.

“Oh, I would, and I’m thinking of moving out…and away…” You muttered the last part as you walked past your mother, feeling your blood boil as you grabbed your jacket to pull it on.

“What?! You can’t!” Your mother sounded panicked as you grabbed your car keys from your pocket and walked towards the front door, yanking it open.

“I’m twenty-one, I can do whatever I want to do!” You screamed, slamming the door shut behind you as Kevin and Kirk turned to look at you worriedly. You could see they were still amused by what they had heard, but worry was visible in their eyes.

“Want a hit?” Kirk asked as you stormed towards them with a glare, he was holding a rolled joint and looked quite out of it from up close.

“If you tell anyone what you heard,” Your voice was low as you started speaking, grabbing onto their collars as you yanked on them, “I will make your lives a living hell, understood?”

The lifestyle you had taught you how to take care of yourself and how to make sure the people around you respected you. After all, you were good with people, and you certainly were good at threating them. Kevin chuckled, but upon realizing from the look on your face that you weren’t fucking around, he cleared his throat and shook your grip off his collar. You let go of Kirk’s collar next, raising your eyebrows at them. When they said nothing, annoyed, you slapped the joint out of Kirk’s hand and stepped on it, making sure you entirely destroyed it as you started dragging your feet against the ground.

“I wasn’t joking.” Was your last threat as you turned around and stormed down the sidewalk, gripping your keys tightly as you tried to erase the face of the man from your mind and the opened condom pack on the floor of your living room.

           You got to the tracks faster than usual, your blood boiling as your thoughts raced about everything. Would you have to find another job? Maybe you should start looking for places which pay higher…even though the chances of getting employed were low. Your Mazda was loud as you came to a slow tempo, rolling through the crowd until you found an empty spot. Everything was in full swing by the time you got here, the races have long started and it was full of people, which meant you either found a parking spot if someone was nice enough to make space for you or you’d have to park a few blocks away, in the best-case scenario. You didn’t like coming this late, but you were really busy all day long and wasn’t able to make it here faster. Loud music was blasting from the car next to yours as you got out and you were quick to zip up your jacket, taken aback by the sudden chill air of the night. It seemed like the wind picked up sometime during the afternoon and it hadn’t calmed down ever since. Your hair was thrown in your face as the wind blew again and you groaned, ungracefully whipping your head around. You heard a chuckle coming from behind you and once you had tamed your hair, you turned around with furrowed eyebrows. You weren’t in the mood at all tonight. The fight with your mother made you feel like shit and the thought of the man who slept with your mother made your blood boil in seconds. Kevin and Kirk heard the whole thing, and if someone was about to make fun of you, you were sure you’d jump at their throat and start an unnecessary fight. But your eyes fell on a somewhat familiar face, so you said nothing. Seeing her made you realize that you parked next to the Kaneko family’s gang. They were pretty famous around the tracks, but not as good as the Lee family was. The Lee’s basically owned these streets, meanwhile the Kaneko’s were still on the rise…and you heard they do some shady shit too, so you never bothered befriending them. You had enough problems already; you weren’t about to create even more. When the taller female didn’t move away and kept on looking at your car, you thought of ignoring her, but you couldn’t control your mouth tonight.

“What?!” Your tone wasn’t friendly and the female looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“I like this model.” She answered you, sounding cold, but not mean. You cleared your throat and nodded a little, placing a hand on top of your car’s hood.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty nice one.” Your tone turned neutral now as you tried to mask the boiling anger underneath your skin, not wanting to lash out on someone who was nice for once to you.

“Wasn’t very expensive either.” The female continued to make conversation with you and you cleared your throat, looking at your car before back at her.

“Wouldn’t know, I didn’t buy it.” You said with a shrug, trying to ignore the knowing look in the female’s eyes. She had a strong aura and despite the cold look on her face, you didn’t feel like she was mean or had any bad intent. You understood why men would visit the Kaneko diner in the Japanese part of the city now, the woman in front of you was beautiful and her energy was like a magnet. You haven’t met people like her before and you wished at least one person looked at you the same way you were looking at this stranger right now.

“I’m Y/N; you don’t look like you know me.” You said after the silence stretched on between the two of you and the female finally smiled, her whole demeanor changing. A smile really could make a difference, huh. But before she could answer you, someone was shouting in Japanese on the other side of the car, looking very pissed off as you both turned your heads to look in their direction. A guy and a girl were standing in front of each other, both looking angry. The girl was skinny and she had sharp eyeliner on her eyelids, making her eyes look like they were just slits. The woman in front of you sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, clearing her throat.

“Hey!” She shouted, capturing their attention, she wasn’t smiling anymore, “Cut it off, idiots. If you’ve got a problem with Takashi not letting you race tonight, go talk to him.”

The woman spoke in Korean, this way you understood what she was saying too, but the two other people didn’t appreciate it much.

“Tell your cousin to fuck himself.” The other girl snapped back in Korean and you couldn’t help but snort as the woman in front of you just rolled her eyes.

“Grow up, Momo.” She said before ignoring the words thrown at her in Japanese, her eyes falling on you again. You were amused, it momentarily made you forget of all the feelings you were feeling yourself, and the woman in front of you looked rather amused as well.

“My name is Azumi.” She had finally introduced herself and you extended your hand to shake hers. She shook your hand firmly, but her skin was very soft. Before you could make more conversation, a shrill voice called out to the two of you.

“Hey!” It was a female and you turned your head to see Jennie, Junhui’s long time girlfriend, looking at you and Azumi, “You two are racing tonight?”

Your eyes fell on the money she had in her hands and you gulped dryly, knowing that you would have to despite the ban of Nitro tonight. You’d figure something out. You almost didn’t notice Seungkwan lurking behind her, looking around with a bored expression as he kept checking his phone. The first time you had met him he wasn’t as tall as he was now and he was a bit chubbier. He was still a teenager back then, of course, he had grown since then. But he was still so different compared to his siblings. The Lee family had an aura around them that you couldn’t ignore. They felt powerful and dangerous, but when you looked at Seungkwan, you felt none of that. He was almost always smiling and cracking jokes with people and you were even convinced that he had no tattoos, unlike the rest of his siblings. After all, Jihoon’s sleeves were fully covered with black ink and their sister, Soojin, wasn’t far away from looking like that. Seungkwan also only dressed in pastel colors, or anything light for the matter, and always spoke very jovially, the ever-persistent scowl of the Lee family’s absent from his features. He caught your eyes the very first time you had met, which was when he gave you the Nitro tank, but you didn’t have time to daydream about men or a relationship. And Seungkwan didn’t look like a person who’d hook up just for the fun of it.

“I’m out tonight.” It was Azumi’s voice that brought you out of your staring at Seungkwan, who was staring back at you now. His lips were pouty as he looked at you confused and you instantly grew embarrassed.

“And you?” Jennie asked urgently, her eyes on you now. You felt lost for a second, having forgotten the question she asked you previously.

“Soojin is looking for someone to race her, are you in or—”

“Lee Soojin?” You raised your eyebrows as you asked Jennie, feeling your heartbeat quicken as Seungkwan smirked at the hear of the name of his sister.

“Yes,” Jennie sighed exasperated, “Are you—”

“I’m in, yes.” You quickly cut her off, reaching for your keys instantly.

“Good, get to the start line, you’re leaving in five minutes.” Jennie instructed you and you nodded at her, feeling excited all of a sudden. Soojin had a very good car, and you were sure you’d lose this race against her, but since you placed no bets, you’d lose nothing. You’d feel embarrassed for a little while, but everyone would forget about it in a few days. Racing against anyone in the Lee family was a prestige and you weren’t passing on an opportunity like this one. And something was telling you that you might just get lucky with Soojin tonight. As you opened the door to your car, Jennie had long stalked off, but Seungkwan remained there and he was watching you. He didn’t look very impressed by your car, probably thinking the same as you, but he still offered you somewhat of a reassuring smile before disappearing off into the crowd. You sighed and put on your seatbelt with shaky hands, before turning on the car. Someone knocked on your window and it was Azumi, so you quickly rolled down your window.

“You know you’ll lose, but you still accepted the challenge…I like you.” She chuckled and your eyebrows furrowed a little bit, but you said nothing and just shrugged, “You’ll find an empty spot for your car next to the Kaneko’s from now on, cool? Even if I’m not here.”

Your jaw dropped at Azumi’s words and she didn’t even wait for an answer as she walked next to Momo, who had calmed down and was eating some chips as she sat on top of her car. You felt like you could add this onto the list of ‘most unexpected things that have happened to me so far’. Once your engine roared to life, you pulled up to the starting line, people cheering for you as they tapped the hood of your car. Everyone knew you were going to lose, but you were glad that they still tried to encourage you on. It gave you the confidence which started faltering away once your car stopped next to Soojin’s black one. Her windows were rolled down and she didn’t even bother looking at you as she chewed on her bubblegum, her hands gripping the wheel tightly. You don’t think you’ve ever seen that woman with a smile on her face, she was always scowling or glaring at people. Unless she was around Jeon Wonwoo, she would look at peace then, but it’s not like you saw them often, it’s mostly the stories you’ve heard circulating around the races. You focused on the road ahead, thankful that it was only a drag race and you didn’t have to race around the city tonight. You just go in a straight line for 500 meters and whoever finishes first is the winner. Pretty simple and pretty quick, at least you’d be put out of your misery quickly. Junhui came to stand between the two cars with a checkered flag in hand and he patted Soojin’s car with a smirk before raising the flag. You both reeved your engines and as soon as he let it fall to his side, you were off. You were thrown back into your seat as the car took off, accelerating as fast as you could, trying to at least be bumper to bumper with Soojin, who was very obviously leading the race. You had shifted into the fourth gear, gripping the wheel with both hands and eyes on Jennie, who was by the finish line as you got closer and closer. Your finger itched to press the Nitro button, but even if you did so, nothing would happen as it was cut off. You shifted into fifth gear and Jennie was just right there, almost beckoning you to finish the race. You dared to take a glance towards your right just as Soojin’s car suddenly disappeared from your side and you crossed the finish line, seeing Jennie’s shocked face as you wheezed past her. You hit the brakes and ultimately stopped the car, stunned. What just happened? The crowd got over their initial shock and started cheering loudly as they gathered around your car and screamed whatever was in their minds your way. You took a deep breath and got out of the car, curious as to what happened. At least a 100 meter away, so close to finish line, Soojin’s car had smoke coming out from the engine. People were gathered around her car too, everyone leaned over her opened hood, curious to see what happened. Soojin’s arms were crossed as she was leaning against the side of the car, eyes falling on you once she spotted you approaching them.

“It’s your lucky night!” She called out amused, her tone not mocking, just simply amused. A smile spread onto your lips as you came to a stop next to the opened hood. Two guys were leaning in, one tall and lean meanwhile the other one was buff and shorter. Wonwoo and Jihoon. Soojin’s eyes followed you and she smirked.

“What happened?” You asked as you looked back at her, feeling a little confused.

“Your engine is totally fried, Soojin,” Wonwoo was the one to speak up, his deep voice made you jump as he had to speak loudly to be heard over the crowd, “Who was the idiot who dissembled the Nitro from your car?”

“Your little friend I met a week ago. What was his name—ah, Jongin.” Soojin smiled sweetly at Wonwoo and you noticed the way his jaw clenched, clearly bothered by something. You felt awkward standing between the two of them, not even knowing them, yet feeling the harsh tension between them.

“He’s not a fucking mechanic—”

“Your point is?!” Soojin snapped, pushing off the car and coming to stand next to you as Wonwoo stood up straighter, “If you don’t like the fact that Jongin and I hung out just say so and stop bitching to me—”

“Shut the fuck up, both of you!” Jihoon exclaimed, eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched as he slammed the hood of the car shut, “This will be very expensive to fix, Soojin. Next time ask a fucking mechanic to work on your car and not a lovesick puppy who’s still in high school and has no idea about cars, yeah?!”

Soojin looked embarrassed for a split second before clearing her throat and giving her older brother a silent nod, waiting for him to walk off. Wonwoo was glaring daggers at Soojin and you took a step back, clearly intending to take off as you could smell the start of an argument.

“Well, you won.” But Soojin stopped you and you looked at her wide eyed, feeling really awkward, “Go to Jennie to get your money, and maybe you’ll race someone else too tonight.”

“Uh—sure.” You said reluctantly, looking at her weirdly before slowly taking off. But you didn’t bet and you certainly weren’t supposed to take any money off of this win. But if Soojin said so, you sure as hell would comply; beating someone in the Lee family paid well.

“Why are you looking at me like that?!” You could hear Soojin raise her voice as you walked away from her and Wonwoo, “Maybe if you weren’t fucking that girl when I needed you, I wouldn’t have gone to ask Jongin for help—”

Yeah, the rumors you heard were true. Those two had issues which they needed to figure out, but who were you to have an opinion about their relationship. Everyone did whatever they wanted after all, and that’s why, you went up to Jennie and claimed your prize shamelessly, not even caring that you were taking away someone else’s money. Soojin said to claim it, and so you were following direct orders from the Lee family, no one could come at you. And as you sauntered back to your car with a grin on your face and money in your pockets, you were surprised to spot Seungkwan leaning against it. His blonde hair was shinny underneath the street lights and the burgundy long coat covered the pastel sweater and cream-colored dress pants he was wearing. You gave him a questioning look as you came to a stop in front of him.

“Well, well, well,” He spoke up, tone mocking, “our little winner.”

You scoffed and your eyebrows furrowed as you didn’t appreciate the way he was treating you, “Call me lucky or whatever, it was a fair race.”

“Of course, it only wouldn’t have been if it was you who sabotaged my sister’s car…but you wouldn’t do that, right?” The accusation in his voice and the way he took you in with his eyes ignited the fire you had forgotten about; your anger was back and flaring.

“I would never do something like that!” You snapped, holding yourself straight up.

“Yeah, you don’t exactly look like someone who would play fairly…” Seungkwan muttered quietly as he pushed off your car, and you heard him. Your jaw clenched and you gripped his arm as he went to walk past you.

“If you’re so butthurt that a visibly poorer person beat your sister, why don’t you race against me?” You raised your eyebrows at Seungkwan in a provoking way and he chuckled, about to refuse you, but then you continued, “Although you don’t exactly look like someone who’s capable of racing…”

Seungkwan’s eyes narrowed at you and you smiled at him sweetly before releasing him and unlocking your car.

“Very well, see you at the start line in five minutes.” You smirked at Seungkwan as you got inside your car, a smirk he returned as he walked off towards his own car. But then you panicked. Fuck, you’d definitely lose this. Seungkwan’s car would work just fine and you had no Nitro. Nitro. And then your eyes fell on the passenger seat and you got an idea…no one would know, right? Right.

And apparently no one knew as you came to a stop, heart beating fast and a cold sweat which broke out on your forehead as you came to a stop, the crowd going wild around you. No one could believe it. You beat Lee Jihoon and Lee Junhui. Twenty minutes ago, when Seungkwan challenged you and you accepted to race against him, you very swiftly turned on your Nitro, your whole body shaking as you rolled up to the starting line. You could feel Seungkwan’s intense gaze on you as your cars stood by side by side, but you refused to turn your head and look at him, aware that he’d instantly realize you were up to no good. But after you beat him, albeit cheating but no one had to know, and apparently no one seemed to realize, you felt a little confidence return in you. Especially when Jennie handed a fat tank of cash in your hands, your eyes bulged. You’ve never held this much money in your hands before, well, at least not after a race. This was your most notable win and you were getting excited. So, when twenty minutes later you heard that the rest of the Lee brothers, aka Jihoon and Junhui, would race too against two other guys who challenged them…you jumped at the idea like an idiot and butted in, saying that you wanted to race them too. Of course, you used Nitro once again, but you didn’t finish first this time. After all, Nitro or not, you were racing against the man who’s talent was unmatched, and that was Jihoon. He came in first and you second, Junhui third and then the other two guys who challenged the Lee brothers thinking they had a chance against them. You remained silent as everyone cheered for you as you got out of your car, heart thumping fast. You prayed to God nobody would ask to check your car as you couldn’t dissemble your Nitro when so many were looking, they’d instantly realize.

“Yo, girl,” You jumped at the masculine voice calling out from behind you, and quickly turned around, “Impressive driving.”

It was Lee Jihoon who was talking to you and suddenly you felt like fainting; he was wearing a sleeveless white top, his bulging biceps and arms covered in tattoos actually intimidated you. His hair was a blonde similar to Seungkwan’s, but Jihoon’s hair seemed to have grown since the winter, when you saw him last time.

“Thanks!” You finally found your voice and straightened up, trying to appear confident in front of the man. He wasn’t very tall, but his presence made you cover away. And you felt little under his piercing gaze. He was holding some money, playing with it as a smirk appeared on his lips.

“No one, beside Cora, has ever beat the Lee siblings…” Jihoon’s taunting voice trailed off as his eyes fell on your poor old car, and you gulped, “Congratulations, Y/N, I think we’ll be seeing each other more often.”

You felt a shiver run down your spine, Jihoon’s voice having lost the taunting edge and now it almost sounded threatening. Did he realize? He probably did, he wasn’t a dumb dude you could fool. But when he extended his hand full of money, you took it without hesitation. You needed it and it was the only reason you even cheated tonight. Also, you had no idea how Jihoon knew your name, someone so insignificant, but it made it even a scarier experience.

“It was my pleasure to race against the Lee siblings.” You wanted to facepalm yourself, but when Jihoon laughed, a contagious sound, surprising, you allowed yourself to relax a little bit and smile. He gave you one last glance before he pushed his hands in the pockets of his pants and turned to leave. You let out a big exhale and suddenly found yourself the center of attention as people started cheering for you and patting your back for coming in second. You felt your cheeks redden at the attention, but you just strutted back to your car to dump the cash in the backseat and look around before you’d leave. One would be surprised to find out how many pricey things people brought to the races, it truly amazed you. Once, you managed to steal a Rolex watch and when you got home and realized what it was, you didn’t have the nerve to sell it; you kept it for yourself. Of course, until you hit rock bottom again as your mother spent all of the rent money on stuff she didn’t need. That’s when you and your stollen Rolex had to part ways. You grinned as you got lost in the crowd, accidentally bumping into people and apologizing as you quickly worked with your fingers, detaching bracelets from their wrists and slipping off rings from their fingers…sometimes reaching for the valets inside their jeans. It was exciting and thrilling, sometimes, and sometimes tiring. You had enough money for a month due to the wins you managed tonight, but you needed more. Because there was never enough money on this Earth for one person; and you had to either upgrade your car more or buy a new one…and money wasn’t falling from the sky. But as you bumped into the next person and very skillfully ripped the thin necklace from their neck, you realized it was Jennie. Your eyes widened and so did hers, until she chuckled. The necklace was clutched tightly in your fist and you froze for a second, not knowing what to do.

“Sorry, the crowd gets crazy sometimes!” She spoke up first and smiled at you, making you feel bad instantly. This is why you never stole from people you knew, you hated feeling guilty, but you didn’t know how to play it off and return the necklace without making it look like you took it in the first place.

“It’s totally alright!” You exclaimed, smiling back at her, “I should be more careful where I’m going!”

“Don’t worry!” Jennie laughed and gave your arm a friendly pat before she walked past you, leaving you with her necklace in your fisted hand. You knew she wouldn’t realize you took it; you did this trick many times on many people before…but now you felt bad for doing it. You sighed and scratched your forehead, turning around to head back to your car…you had enough, it was time to go back home. Your pace slowed for a second as you made out Seungkwan in the crowd, arms crossed in front of his chest as a glare was directed at you. Your eyebrows furrowed until your stomach did a weird thing and you realized he might’ve seen you take Jennie’s necklace. Or maybe he knew you cheated. Either way, both were making you look bad. You gulped and broke the eye contact, speeding up your pace to reach your car as fast as possible. You hoped your suspicions would be wrong.

           You had an early start this morning. Got up when it was still dark outside, despite wanting to roll back into your bed and bury yourself underneath the warm blanket; but you didn’t. Duty was calling, and so you got ready. You took a cold shower, because the boiler wasn’t working once again, and then braided your hair. You got dressed in whatever clothes that were still clean as your mother didn’t bother to wash any of them from the hamper and then headed to the kitchen. You were about to turn on the light in the living room, to try and find the charger of your phone, but you spotted a person on the couch. Tip-toeing, you walked to the kitchen and turned on the light in there, seeing that the figure sleeping on the couch was your mother. A pack of smoked cigarettes lay on the carpet at the foot of the couch and you sighed deeply when your eyes fell on the spilled cheap wine. That would be hard to clean up. Taking your eyes off the familiar scene, you opened the fridge and grabbed the first thing available, a yoghurt. You didn’t have much food as your mom probably cooked something last night in her angered state, but you also weren’t craving anything at the moment. A little something in your stomach would still do some good, so you opened the lid of the yoghurt and took a teaspoon as you started eating it. It was a little sour and you cringed at the taste, but isn’t that what yoghurt was supposed to taste like? It took you five teaspoons to finish it all and as you went to throw away the empty yoghurt cup, your eyes fell on the lid and you paused. It has expired…two days ago. You groaned, but the deed was already done, so you just threw it away and washed the teaspoon clean in a few seconds. You grabbed your worn-out bag, you got it from your mother when you were in tenth grade, and grabbed your housekeys. Your mother was grumbling something in her sleep but you paid no attention to her as you switched off the kitchen light and maneuvered yourself around the living room to reach the front door without stepping into the puddle of wine on the carpet. Your mother would clean it up once she woke up as you didn’t have time right now, your clients would be awaiting you and you hated being late. So, you opened the door and quietly left your small house, locking the door behind you. It was just as cold as last night and you nuzzled deep into your warm jacket, burying your hands deep inside your pockets. The sky wasn’t dark anymore and the quietness around you made you feel tranquil. The sky caught an orangish hue as the sun started to rise, still hidden, however, behind the grey clouds. No forecast said anything about rain coming, so you hoped the grey clouds wouldn’t turn into a real threat. Soon the streets would be littered with people doing their things and everything would be so loud. You liked to live in the moment and enjoy the situation for as long as it lasted, so you didn’t take hurried steps as you continued walking down your street. A few of your neighbors were up already, some drinking their coffee on their front porches as they seemed to enjoy the quietness as well. You greeted them with small waves, not wanting to disturb the calm atmosphere. As you reached the end of your street, you noticed something unusual. A fancy car parked on the sidewalk with tinted windows. No one in their right mind would leave an Acura this good in a neighborhood like yours. Your eyes were glued onto the windows, trying to see inside, but it was impossible…it made you feel eerie, like someone was watching you from the inside, so you quickened your pace and turned onto a busier street, which was still relatively empty. Your clients would be impatiently waiting for your arrival by now.

           It always took you by surprise how fast the day went by, it felt like time was flying sometimes. One second you just had rolled out of bed and the next second you’re handing out the last bag of groceries to your favorite clients. They were an elderly couple, having moved here from a European country, Italy to be more exact, and they would always slip in some pastries besides your tips. Your job was an unusual one. You stopped by a few houses close to the city center, in a wealthy neighborhood of course, and knocked on older peoples doors asking if they needed anything of you to pick up for them. And so they would give you a list and money and you’d go on your way, purchasing everything needed. Then you’d return to their houses and hand out the goods for them. You started doing this years ago and it was a random idea given by your mother as she was retelling a story of her childhood and how her grandparents would make her run errands for them and sometimes a few of their neighbors would ask little favors of her as well. The tips were sometimes high and really rewarding and sometimes barely there, but you couldn’t complain, you actually enjoyed doing this…it was one of the few things you enjoyed doing. Helping out others always came as a pleasure, you couldn’t complain…and sometimes you wished someone would finally return the favor for you as well. You believe in the saying, what goes around comes around.

You smiled widely as Mrs. Ricciardo opened the door once you had knocked on it. Her wrinkled face held a certain warmth, which made you feel instantly loved by her and it always gave you comfort.

“Ciao, my dear!” You giggled at her usual greeting and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

“Hello again, Mrs. Ricciardo.” You said, holding the bag full of groceries out for her to take. She grabbed it and took it from your hold, calling out as she turned her head inside the house. You didn’t understand what she said, but you were sure she was calling for her husband.

“And how are you today?” You decided to make conversation as you could hear the loud thuds of Mr. Ricciardo’s footsteps as he came into view. He was holding a smaller black bag and it instantly made you smile again. You knew they had packed some pastries for you in there, and you couldn’t have been happier as your stomach started grumbling loudly, making Mrs. Ricciardo laugh.

“Ah, you’re hungry my dear,” She said as she took the bag from her husband and handed it to you, “And we are doing just fine today, thank you. Although I’m afraid we can’t say the same about you, my child, those dark circles underneath your eyes don’t look too good.”

Your heart skipped a beat that someone noticed how tired you looked, as your mother didn’t really pay much attention to how you were feeling. But the elderly couple noticed even the smallest details and changes about you.

“I had a rough night, don’t worry.” You tried to act nonchalant as Mr. Ricciardo shook his head at your words, glancing at his wife.

“You should take a break, child, a few days can do wonders.” He said and you nodded, gripping the bag tightly when your stomach grumbled loudly again. The couple chuckled at you and Mrs. Ricciardo ushered you away with a smile.

“Go on, eat those—oh, and we won’t be home for the rest of the week, you don’t have to stop by.” Mrs. Ricciardo said as you started walking down the stairs of their porch.

“You’re going on a vacation?” You asked as you grabbed inside the bag a still warm croissant.

“We’re visiting our son.” Mr. Ricciardo answered you with excitement and you nodded your head, waving as you started walking away.

“Enjoy your time then with your son!” You called out and the elderly couple waved at you as you smiled happily, wasting no longer to eat the pastries inside the bag. You’ll keep one for you mom as she’s been whining about craving something sweet and the couple just so happened to give you vanilla croissants. Even though you paid little attention to your surroundings as you munched on your late breakfast happily, you sensed the pair of eyes constantly on you. Someone had been watching you all morning and it made your skin crawl. You’re just a young woman, weak and not very knowledgeable in hand-to-hand combat, if anyone were to attack you your savior would be the knife always hidden in you pocket; hopefully that would scare them off. So, glancing behind you from time to time, you continued your walk home as you ate, quickening your pace here and there, hopeful that you’d stop feeling so paranoid. But unfortunately, you didn’t, and when you turned the corner to your street, you hoped to see Kevin and Kirk hanging around doing nothing, but they weren’t there. It was a little past noon right now, they were probably robbing some place or something, after all, it’s what they do for a living. Even though the last time you saw them you had to threaten them to shut their mouths, you would’ve preferred having them here right now, to scare off whoever decided to follow you around. You raked your brain as you let your right-hand rest in your pocket, gripping your knife, if you actually upset anyone real bad this time. Did they realize you had stolen something from them and were here to take it back? What if Jennie couldn’t find her necklace and figured out you had taken it from her? And sent someone after you to get it back for her? You gulped harshly and suddenly stopped walking, your house just a hundred meters away as you debated what your next move to be. You could run inside the house and pray that they wouldn’t try to break in, but if your mom was home she’d throw a tantrum and you didn’t want to hear her. You still haven’t forgiven her and you were sure she hated your guts right now too for the way you spoke to her. You had to face whoever was trying to torment you, so let that be it, you whipped around with your knife drawn and pointed at whoever was behind you. But you paused, eyes going wide as the person behind looked at you just as taken aback by your reaction. The Acura was parked a few feet away from you and you suddenly cursed yourself for not realizing earlier. Of course, who is the only person who drives an Acura and you know them? Lee Seungkwan. His blonde hair fell in his surprised round eyes as he looked at the knife in your hand. He was dressed in pastel colors again and wore a fluffy sweater which was peeking through from underneath his long coat. Seungkwan loved wearing coats, you realized. Suddenly you realized you were still pointing your knife at him, and assuming he wouldn’t attack you, you put it away and crossed your arms in front of your chest as you gave him a glare.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, voice harsh. Seungkwan glanced around and cleared his throat as he looked uncomfortable. People from their porches and garages were looking your way as they saw you lash out, but did nothing as the situation seemed under control.

“I’m following you.” Seungkwan said honestly as he looked at you again. Your eyebrows furrowed at his straightforwardness.

“Well…why?” You asked with eyebrows raised and Seungkwan chuckled as if he found this situation amusing, it wasn’t.

“I’m not as easily fooled as some people from my family.” Seungkwan answered and took a few steps toward you, lessening the gap between your bodies. Your eyebrows furrowed and you cleared your throat, trying to make sense of his words.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You raised your eyebrows, feigning innocence and ignorance. Seungkwan chuckled and scratched his chin, but his eyes showed his true emotions, he was angry.

“Soojin’s car broke down, that one wasn’t your doing, I admit. But you beat me and Jun? With that run down car of yours? Interesting, truly. And Jennie can’t find the necklace Jun gave her for their fifth anniversary? She reckons she lost it after she ran into you…Y/N, if there is something I hate, it’s people who steal. I watched you today, even at the market, you were stealing when the vendors weren’t paying attention. Is this how you live your life?” You gulped harshly, feeling ashamed at Seungkwan’s disgusted expression, he was hurting your ego. Not everyone had the luck to grow up in a good household and surrounded by money. Some people had to do some things in order to have the bare minimum. You knew it was wrong, but you hated it when someone rubbed it in your face, it made you feel guilty and even more ashamed of yourself. You seriously didn’t need someone to remind you of things you woke up and went to bed with. Sometimes, you truly hated yourself. Because of people like Seungkwan, who had everything handed to them and decided to look down on people like you.

Your blood was boiling and you knew your cheeks were red, but you tried to stay reasonable as Seungkwan wasn’t screaming at you, “I know and I—”

“You know?” Seungkwan chuckled, giving you another unimpressed look, “Then why don’t you do something to change it?”

That was the final straw. You wanted to hear nothing more from someone like him, someone who thought everyone lived a perfect life. So, you grabbed his arm in a swift motion and started pulling Seungkwan after you despite his struggles. You were weak, but your blood was pumping fast in your veins and you had an iron grip, one Seungkwan couldn’t free himself from. So he had no choice but to follow you to a small and run-down looking house. You fumbled with the keys for a few seconds as you were holding it with your left hand, but in no time you were charging inside with Seungkwan behind you. You were creating a scene and you knew some of your neighbors would be on their porches watching, some would even approach the house to hear better what was happening…that’s just how life was in this neighborhood; there was a reason why you threatened Kevin and Kirk to shut their mouths, you hoped they would really listen. You dropped Seungkwan’s arm and turned around to face him before you pointed around you, at anything you could. Your mother didn’t clean the stain up, now it would forever stay there as cleaning wine was hard.

“Do you see this?” You asked, voice shaking from anger and your cheeks were still red from embarrassment, “This is where I live, Seungkwan. I’m the one who brings little money into this household, because my mother is unable to keep a job for a long time. I race, because otherwise we’d be living on the streets right now—I don’t even have a license! I’ve been working odd jobs since I was fifteen, Seungkwan, now I’m twenty-one and I don’t know how to do something that would stabilize me, but I’m trying hard. Really hard, alright?!”

Seungkwan remained silent as he gazed at the few photos on the wall behind him, eyes taking in your younger form and your mother’s smile. There was no man in the pictures, besides an older one who looked a lot like your mother, so he realized quickly that you probably grew up without a father figure. He turned back to you, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to find the right words, however, he was convinced he couldn’t say anything that could offer you even the littlest comfort. And when you dared to look Seungkwan in the eyes, you saw pity and it made you feel sick. You hated being pitied, this isn’t why you showed Seungkwan the circumstance you lived in. You just wanted to get him off your back, make him understand why you did certain things.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to judge you—”

“But you did. You look down on me and taunt me whenever you can—I will give back what I stole from you and your family, alright? Give me a month.” You looked away when Seungkwan’s eyes searched for your eyes desperately and you felt your cheeks redden again in embarrassment that you didn’t have the money anymore. You let your backpack and the few bags you were holding fall to the floor as you kicked your shoes off and Seungkwan took a few steps back as he felt lost on what to do next. You ignored his existence as you went to hang your coat on the hanger and Seungkwan opened his mouth.

“I didn’t want to—” But a door opened and you paused, tensing, as you realized your mother heard everything. Great, now you’d have her bothering you as well. You closed your eyes for a second before turning to look at her disheveled form, she looked like she just woke up. Maybe after all she didn’t hear you.

“Y/N?” She asked groggily, rubbing her reddened eyes; she cried, “You’re home, honey?”

You gulped and turned around to face her, a tight smile on your lips, “Didn’t you have work today?”

Seungkwan was still next to you, feeling lost but he didn’t want to leave just yet, something kept him rooted to his place. Your mother’s answer came with a scoff, “I called in sick, don’t worry.”

“They won’t pay you—”

“Fuck them!” Your mother exclaimed and finally walked inside the room, closing her bedroom door behind her frame. Her skin was covered in goosebumps and as her eyes fell on the open front door, she finally realized there was a stranger in her house, “Who are you, young man?”

You didn’t like the way her eyes ran over Seungkwan’s body and you cleared your throat as you threw him a look that said to stay quiet and just leave, but the boy didn’t listen to you as he didn’t understand you quite that well, “A friend. I’m sorry to disturb your sleep, but I was just about to leave.”

“So soon?” Your mom raised her eyebrows at him as she fixed her shirt, “Have some beer—oh, I mean tea, with us.”

You gave your mother a glare as Seungkwan chuckled, shaking his head softly, “I’ll step by some other time, Miss, if that is alright.”

“Miss,” Your mother giggled as she repeated Seungkwan’s words and you rolled your eyes, turning towards Seungkwan to tell him to leave, but he was already outside the door. He seemed eager to leave and you sighed, a little regretting that you dragged him inside. But Seungkwan gave you a nod before he jogged up to his car and got inside. You slammed the front door shut and faced your mother as you grabbed your disregarded bags.

“He’s a very nice man, honey.” Was all your mother commented before she took the groceries from your hands and walked inside the kitchen, coughing as she turned on the gas to heat up the room a little bit. You scoffed and watched through the door’s glass as Seungkwan finally drove away with his expensive car. You had a feeling he’d come around and you didn’t understand why.

           And to your surprise, Seungkwan came around a lot earlier than you had anticipated it. It was the next day, early morning once again, as you got up and ready to leave your house for work. You stayed silent, even though your mother left late at night and you didn’t hear her returning; you didn’t want to wake her if she did return home. She’d have to head to the gas station around noon and so you wanted to let her rest. You had no idea why she left in the middle of the night and you had a feeling you didn’t want to know. Once you got dressed and ready to leave, you ate some leftover food from last night’s dinner and pulled your hair in a ponytail as you were lazy last night to wash it. And the boiler wasn’t working still, so you didn’t want to torture yourself with the freezing water. You took on your coat and with your bag around your shoulders, you left the house quietly and locked the door. First thing you noticed when you turned around were Kevin and Kirk sharing a joint between them on the sidewalk as they glared at the person you were currently gawking at. Seungkwan was leaning against his very expensive car with a passive, but harsh, expression on his face as he seemed to be waiting. For someone. For you. You froze for a second as your eyes connected and then looked at Kevin and Kirk, who were eyeing you now curiously.

“Morning.” You called out to them a little rigidly and they grinned at you, staying quiet. Your eyes fell back on Seungkwan and you took off, walking down the steps of your house’s porch.

“Good morning.” Seungkwan greeted you as you came to a close stop in front of him. Whatever he was here for, you didn’t want Kevin and Kirk to hear, so, you had to stand close to Seungkwan. Yet, it weirdly made you nervous and self-conscious as you forgot to spray on your very cheap perfume this morning while getting dressed.

“Morning—what are you doing here?” You whispered harshly, eyes darting to the two other men, who looked like they were trying very hard to overhear your conversation.

“I have a proposition.” Seungkwan offered with a warm smile and you gulped, eyebrows furrowing in uncertainty. What did that mean…what does Seungkwan want now from you? You looked at him and noticed how his blonde hair was brushed back and it made you blush for noticing such things about his appearance. Seungkwan had a charm to him that you haven’t noticed in any other man and if you put your distaste aside, you found him quite likeable and attractive. But you couldn’t think about that right now, so you shook your head and stared at Seungkwan expectantly, glancing at Kevin and Kirk from the corner of your eyes. Seungkwan understood you didn’t want them to hear the conversation between two of you when you initiated the close proximity, so he bent down a little bit and leaned in, placing his lips next to your ear. Your eyes widened for a second and you hoped he didn’t notice the sudden goosebumps on your skin.

“If you want to pay us back the money you stole, come with us to the tournament in the desert next week and compete against the Kanekos in our name.” Your mouth opened in shock and you pulled back to be able to look at Seungkwan’s face, to make sure he wasn’t just teasing you. But he was serious, his eyebrows lightly furrowed as he watched your stunned face.

“Compete in the name of the Lee family?” You muttered dumbly and Seungkwan grinned, nodding his head in affirmation. Neither one of you noticed the close proximity between your faces, too taken by your own thoughts. You couldn’t believe Seungkwan was making such an offer to you. Did he come up with this? Or did Jihoon make him do this? It would’ve been an honor…but your car wasn’t going to be good enough for a tournament like such. You’ve heard of the legendary races, drag races as they were the most popular ones, and it angered you that you couldn’t afford a better car.

“I can’t,” You cleared your throat and suddenly realizing the closeness of your faces, you pulled back, “my car won’t be able to take it.”

“I know.” The look Seungkwan gave you made you roll your eyes and you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “That’s why you’ll be driving this beauty.”

Your eyes fell on Seungkwan’s hand, which was patting the hood of his black Acura. Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at him skeptically, understanding his proposition, but not quite believing him.

“Excuse me?” You muttered and Seungkwan chuckled, pushing off his car and once again leaning down so that you could look in each other’s eyes.

“I’m letting you drive the Acura for the tournament,” Seungkwan answered you with a smirk and your brain blanched at his words, “All you have to do is win for me.”

You opened and closed your mouth for a few seconds, trying to get out one coherent thought, but you didn’t know what to say. Wouldn’t it be bad if you went against the Kanekos? Now that Azumi offered her friendship to you? She even said you had a spot in their gang whenever you showed up to the races. Weren’t you betraying their kindness if you were to compete against them in the tournament? Kirk’s loud laughter snapped you out of your thoughts and you cast a glance his way, but he was holding a phone in his hand and wasn’t paying attention to you and Seungkwan anymore.

“Can I do that?” You finally found the words to say, “The Kanekos kind of welcomed me in their circle last time…”

“They did?” Seungkwan mused impressed and then shrugged, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Well it’s just a tournament, they won’t hate you if you compete against them.”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you hummed, debating what to do. You could just stop by their diner and alert them, but something told you that the rivalry between the Lees and Kanekos went deeper than just winning a few races here and there. Still, you felt like you were betraying Azumi’s trust, the first person who tried to make friends with you in ages. So with that in mind, you cleared your throat.

“I accept your offer, Seungkwan, but I will also tell Azumi that I’m going against them.” You said sternly and it made Seungkwan smirk before he cleared his throat.

“Good, I don’t mind as long as you get us back the money.” He shrugged and then opened the door behind him, stepping aside, “Now get in.”

“Why?” You asked confused as Seungkwan walked around the car and opened his own door, “I have to work.”

“I know, so consider me your chauffeur for today.” He said with a small smile and got inside, looking at you expectantly. You glanced at Kevin and Kirk for a second and saw them both gaping at you, so you cleared your throat and got inside Seungkwan’s car quickly, shutting the door a little too forcefully, forgetting that this car wasn’t like your old one where you had to tug on the doors to open them.

“Why are you doing this?” You asked as you buckled up and Seungkwan sighed, starting up the car.

“I have nothing better to do today and I get bored easily.” He answered you as he drove away from your house slowly, “Besides, you have to exercise on this car. I can’t let you go to the tournament without getting to know my car.”

“I don’t have a license, remember?” You looked at Seungkwan with a grimace, suddenly feeling disappointed that you couldn’t legally drive cars. Here you were in an Acura, a splendid car, and you couldn’t even drive it. It made you mad and sad at the same time.

“We’ll go to the training tracks later; you don’t need a license there.” Seungkwan answered you, not noticing the fallen expression at missing such an opportunity. But neither one of you knew that these little meet ups would lead to something much more in the near future.

           The Acura was something you could only dare to dream of. The wheel was so easy to turn, the shifting gear went into position without having to tug too hard on it and the few seconds it took to reach the top speed was mind-blowing to you. You were so used to your beatdown Mazda that when Seungkwan and you switched places you had to take a moment to tell yourself that this was happening. You were gathering money to buy yourself a better car, of course not on the level of the Acura, but better than your Mazda. It was a pleasure to race around the tracks with the Acura and three hours later of non-stop driving, you realized you were so hungry your stomach started aching. And Seungkwan wasn’t better off as his stomach churned loudly the second you turned off the car to take a breather. You looked at each other, Seungkwan embarrassed, and it made you giggle.

“I’m starving too.” You found yourself muttering and it made Seungkwan’s eyes twinkle as he opened his door.

“Let’s switch places.” He said eagerly before jogging up to your side and he opened the door for you to get out. You quickly walked around the car and got in the passenger seat, closing the door as Seungkwan ignited the engine to life. You both buckled up and he took off, driving over the speed limit as he switched lanes here and there, clear that he was impatient to eat. You remained silent and watched him sneakily, stealing glances here and there. He was focused on the road, eyebrows lightly furrowed and lips puckering in concentration. His grip was firm on the steering wheel and you were amazed by how fast his legs moved when he shifted gears and how flawless he made it look like. You knew you looked like a beginner today while driving his car as you weren’t used to it and you felt a little embarrassed. But then you had to remind yourself that the car was foreign to you and even the best pilot needed time to adjust to a new car. You settled in the leather seat comfortably as you gazed out at the lights you wheezed by; darkness had fallen not long ago. Time seemed to go by even faster today and it was weird, you blamed it on the happiness you felt. After all, they say time passes by quickly when you enjoy the moment and feel truly happy. You were surprised to see that Seungkwan had taken the two of you downtown, not even much far from where you lived. It was even more surprising when he parked in front of a smaller building. You got out of the car, watching Seungkwan curiously as he approached you with a smile.

“Since we are both hungry, let me treat you to the best burgers in the whole city!” He said with a grin and then grabbed your hand, absentmindedly, and pulled you after him. Your cheeks warmed instantly at the contact but you didn’t pull out of his grip as Seungkwan opened the door and let you enter first. It was warm inside the restaurant and there weren’t many people. The receptionist looked up and a look of recognition flashed across her face, a wide grin appeared on her lips.

“Seungkwan! Welcome!” She said in English, excited, as she opened her little notebook in front of her, “You don’t have a reservation.”

“Are you fully booked tonight?” Seungkwan spoke back in English and you looked at him surprised, his accent a little funny, but he sounded fluent. Your English wasn’t the best and you hoped the girl wouldn’t speak to you.

“You’re in luck, follow me.” The girl winked at Seungkwan and then stood up and walked around her little table, beckoning the two of you to follow her. You flexed your hands, out of nervosity, and suddenly Seungkwan seemed to realized he was holding your hand. His eyes widened for a second and he quickly dropped it embarrassed, following after the foreigner girl who was now almost at the back of the restaurant. You ignored the warmth of your cheeks and followed after Seungkwan as he took off. You shook off your jacket as you got to the table and the girl waited patiently as you and Seungkwan took your seats from across each other.

“Will it be the usual?” She asked as she looked at Seungkwan first, then at you, “Do you need a menu?”

Your eyes widened at being addressed at and you cleared your throat, voice shaking a little bit, “No, uhm, what he gets is good for me.”

You knew you sounded bad talking English and you felt embarrassed despite getting no negative reaction from the girl or Seungkwan, who was scanning the drinks menu on the table.

“Do you like tea?” He suddenly addressed you and you nodded at him quickly, not really wanting to be picky. Whatever he got was fine.

“Then the usual, Kat.” Seungkwan finally decided with and smile at the girl making your eyebrows furrow a little as the girl grinned and walked past your table, to the kitchen.

“Her name is cat?” You asked Seungkwan with a confused expression, making him pause in the process of taking his long coat off. You looked adorable with your eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched, you kind of reminded him of Wonwoo, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at you.

“Kat, not cat, it’s a nickname for Katherine.” Seungkwan explained once he had taken off his coat and he got up to hang in on the hanger a few feet away.

“Ah, right.” You muttered embarrassed and looked down at the table at Seungkwan’s amused expression.

“They are from America,” Seungkwan started to explain, “It’s a small family-owned business. Katherine moved here recently so she doesn’t speak Korean well. Her parents, however, are quite good at it and they are lovely people. I’ve been coming here for three years now.”

“Oh, impressive.” You muttered and took in the place, realizing for the first time that it kind of resembled the inside of those American diners you’ve seen in Hollywood movies. Except there were few boots and more tables, but the Ferrari red was prominent in the decoration and it made you smile. It gave you a country feel and you looked back at Seungkwan with an appreciative nod, “I like it here, feels different.”

Katherine just passed by your table again, headed to the reception as she had given your orders to the chef, who was her father, and gave Seungkwan a cheeky wink. Seungkwan shook his head at her and you cleared your throat a little awkwardly, watching the girl’s curls bounce as she strutted back to her previous spot confidently, “You’re quite friendly.”

“Yeah, the whole family are very friendly people.” Seungkwan hummed and rested his hands on the table, taking you in. You looked quite awkward as you didn’t know what to speak about and you had to remind yourself that this definitely didn’t look like a date to anyone, because you refused to blush at such thoughts.

“Well,” Seungkwan spoke up, realizing he had to ease your nerves, make you open up to him a bit after he acted like a dick to you for several days, “how did you find the Acura?”

“So different!” Your outburst earned a few glances and you looked down at the table with a blush, “I mean…it’s unusual. Everything is a lot easier to maneuver. When I took the first turn I pulled on the wheel so hard—I forgot I wasn’t driving my Mazda…”

“Ah, yes, that first turn.” Seungkwan muttered to himself and you raised your eyebrows at him, urging him to elaborate. Then he started laughing softly and shook his head at you, “I won’t lie, I thought you’d flip us over or something…”

“Sorry.” You mumbled as you scratched your nape, giving him an apologetic look. He flicked his wrist and dismissed it quickly.

“Don’t worry, I understand. Cars are different, much like people, and it takes time to adjust to each one of them. You know…like how it takes time to get to know a person, to open up. Cars are like that, the more time you spend with it, the better you get to know it.” Seungkwan got a little bit carried away and you raised an eyebrow at him as your teas were served by a Korean waitress, so you thanked her quietly.

“What are you alluding to?” You asked Seungkwan once the waitress left, and he just shrugged, dodging your question with a different answer.

“We’ll have to meet up daily next week, you need to practice.” You held your cup of tea with both hand and blew over the steam as you glanced at Seungkwan. You’ll have to see him daily?

“I work every day, not just for the elderly people…” You trailed off not wanting to tell him your other jobs, even though if he so badly wanted to know he’d find out himself. There was nothing embarrassing about them, but you just didn’t want to tell him yet.

“We’ll make a schedule then, is that good?” Seungkwan asked eagerly and took his phone out from his pocket, unlocking it.

“Good.” You said with a shrug and took a sip of the chamomile tea carefully as to not burn your tongue; you had the bad habit of doing so with hot stuff. So then Seungkwan asked you to list the hours you’d be free each day and he started noting them in his calendar, nodding quietly at your words.

“Good, I’ll pick you up and then drive you home, don’t worry about that.” He said with a smile as he locked his phone and turned his full attention back on you. You took another sip of the tea and shrugged, tracing patterns on the porcelain cup.

“You don’t have to bother though—”

“Don’t worry, I get bored easily, I told you already.” Seungkwan chuckled and placed his chin in his palm. It made you blush again and you hated yourself for it, but you couldn’t help it when he looked so handsome with his hair pushed back and eyes twinkling in the lights of the restaurant.

“Fine then.” You muttered and placed the cup back on the table but continued tracing patterns on it.

“Those men…how safe is it living for you in that neighborhood?” Seungkwan’s brows furrowed as he thought back to this morning and how nosy they were being. You chuckled and leaned back in your seat, looking Seungkwan in the eyes.

“Not safe at all, but I’ve lived there enough for people not to mess with my mom and I. Besides, those two men are Kevin and Kirk and if something were to happen to us they’d help us without much hesitation.” You answered Seungkwan and tried to ignore the warmth spreading through your being at his concern. Not many cared for you and it made you feel good, giddy even.

“That’s still not very reassuring.” Seungkwan mumbled and you shrugged.

“That’s why I’m trying hard to earn money…I want to move away, somewhere safer and nicer.” You told him honestly and Seungkwan hummed, nodding at your words. He’d sleep better at night knowing that you were safe and sound, a thought which took him by surprise as a few days ago he didn’t even care much about your existence. He just heard about you because of your bad car and how much you pushed it despite losing more than winning. But now talking to you, he found an admiration towards you.

“I can—” Seungkwan hesitated for a second, but said it in the end, “I can help you out anytime, if you want me to.”

His words made you chuckle and wonder why he was suddenly so kind, a very different side of his compared to his sarcastic and quite hostile attitude towards you, “Seungkwan, I still owe you money and now you’re proposing to help me out even more?”

Seungkwan shrugged and looked away from your inquisitive eyes, focusing on the waitress who just left the kitchen with two trays; your orders. He evaded your question by smiling at the waitress and helping her by taking one tray from her and placing it in front of you. You weren’t stupid and realized he wouldn’t answer your question, so you dropped the topic, and focused on your food, watching it curiously.

“And what exactly did I order for myself?” You muttered as you poked at the tall burger, it definitely wouldn’t fit inside your mouth in one bite, and Seungkwan laughed as he squished it down with his palm.

“There’s ham and cheese in it. Pickles and caramelized onion rings. And three secret sauces which I’ve been trying to get the recipes of, but they just won’t tell me. Trust me, it’s very tasty.” You hummed and eyed the burger as you followed Seungkwan and squished it down as well with you palm, taking the burger in your hands. You struggled to take a bite of it, but when you finally succeeded, you were taken aback by the explosion of various flavors in your mouth. Your eyes widened and you stared at Seungkwan dumbfounded, groaning at the taste of the burger. You had never in your life eaten something as tasty as this burger.

“I know, right?!” Seungkwan’s eyes widened when he realized you liked the food and he took a big bite of his own burger too, the sauce dripping down his chin, making you scoff unladylike as you chewed the food still in your mouth. He shrugged and quickly cleaned it off with a tissue and hummed appreciatively, nodding his head at you. You nodded back with a small smile, about to take another bite, when you remembered.

“Wait, how much is this and the tea?” How did you not think of this faster? Damnit.

“Don’t worry, just enjoy your dinner.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes and continued eating as you gave him a pestering look, but he ignored you. And suddenly, your insides warmed up again as you bit into the burger again, stealing a few glances at Seungkwan. He was going out of his way and unknowingly making you feel new things, you didn’t know if you could resist his charm for much longer despite not wanting to get your feelings involved in this out of fear of his reaction. He surely couldn’t like a girl like you.

            Your skin was buzzing as you threw a few clothes in a backpack, your phone’s loud ping making you jump. You totally fell asleep early last night and so you had to pack up and get ready right now, when Seungkwan was already waiting for you in front of your house. You checked your phone to see the message from Seungkwan saying that he was here, and you started running around your room as you mentally checked off the list you had made up, making sure that you had everything with you. Seungkwan said that each one of you would stay in smaller trailers, so you figured you only had to bring the essential necessities. You knew you were creating a ruckus in your hurry, but your mother had an early morning shift today and she was hopefully already up and getting ready to leave as well.

A week had passed since Seungkwan’s proposal and as you had agreed with him, you met up daily for you to practice your skills on the Acura. Seungkwan even managed to teach you a few cool things and one of them was drifting. You had never attempted it with your old car, scared that you’d wreck it even more, but when Seungkwan made a proposition of the likes, you couldn’t let it slip through your fingertips. Seungkwan also took you twice more to the burger restaurant owned by the American family and you found yourself enjoying your dinners with him there and the occasional presence of Katherine, as she would stop by your table a few times to catch up with Seungkwan. You enjoyed listening to Seungkwan speak English and you’d always blush and stutter when they addressed you, embarrassed that you weren’t as good as them, but to be honest, you never really focused on English in school. And despite your initial thoughts about Seungkwan and his initial attitude towards you, the two of you found yourselves sharing many ideas and hobbies that you had in common. And in just a week, you realized you liked Seungkwan more than a friend should, not that you were friends, and now you couldn’t even look him in the eyes without feeling guilty. Seungkwan never expressed anything other than friendly intentions, but he was caring and warm, something a man has never been to you and you realized you craved the little validation from him. But you had no time to dwell on such feelings and hoped that this was just an inoffensive crush and would die out as quickly as it came.

You hurried out of your room and a strong smell of coffee hit you as you went to take your toothbrush and cherry colored lipstick from the bathroom. The light was on in the kitchen as it was quite dark still outside and you knew your mother was there. You didn’t tell her where you were going, of course, as you had hoped she wouldn’t be home so you could briefly conjure up a lie and write on a post-it note for her to find in the evening. But luck wasn’t on your side and as you zipped up your backpack you walked towards the kitchen to greet your mom. She was sitting at the table and drinking her coffee as she gazed at the wall blankly, like she was half-asleep still.

“Mom,” You called out when she didn’t react to your presence in the doorway and she jumped, “I’m going out.”

“Right now?” She asked confused, glancing at the clock on the wall, “It’s 6 am on a Saturday, you don’t work today, honey.”

You found it weird that she started calling you honey lately, but hoped deep inside that your fight had made her think hard and would change her for the better, you truly hoped that. You cleared your throat and scratched your nape, itching to get outside as you didn’t want to make Seungkwan wait for even longer…you were supposed to leave ten minutes ago.

“I actually…found a two-day job…” You muttered the lie insecurely and when your mother raised her eyebrows at you, you tried to sound and look more confident, “It’s nothing serious, I just have to help out some people in renovating a room. I’ll be on the other side of town, so I thought renting a motel room would be smarter…uhm, it’s cheaper than taking the bus four times…and safer, you know…”

Your mother didn’t look very impressed nor like she believed you, but she decided to shrug as she took a sip of her coffee, “Fine, do you want some coffee?”

“No, I’m running late!” You called out as you ran to pull on your tennis shoes, pulling the sweater in your hands over your body as you adjusted the backpack afterwards quickly, checking if you looked alright in the small mirror.

“Take care of yourself, alright?” Your mother said as she came to see you off, “And you’ll be gone for only two days, yes?”

You looked her in the eyes and realized that she knew you lied about your departure, but you just gulped and hesitated before you kissed her cheek as a goodbye. You two were never touchy and rarely showed the love you harbored for each other, but right now you felt like doing that, and it took your mother by surprise. Her lips pulled up in a warm smile and she walked ahead of you to open the door for you.

“Two days, I promise.” You told her with a smile of yours before running down the steps of the porch, waving at the neighbor across from you as he was out to tend to his little garden.

“Y/N,” It was your mother’s turn to hesitate as you reached the black Acura, fingers clutching the handle, “I love you.”

You froze, face going red and heart quickening at the very rarely uttered words. Your mother almost never told you that she loved you, and you didn’t hate her for it as she just wasn’t someone who voiced her feelings often, but it took you off guard. You had not heard those words in a very long time. You didn’t know why she decided to tell you right now that, but it made you smile widely and your blood boil with excitement, if that was even possible.

“Me too!” You called out before getting inside the warm Acura, Seungkwan’s eyes watching you carefully as he heard the exchange. He didn’t like your mother much from the stories he’s heard about her, but when he saw the wide smile on your lips, he was very grateful for her show of affection. All Seungkwan wanted was for you to be happy and he dearly hoped that one day the relationship between you and your mother would turn better and you’d solve the issues you had with each other.

“Sorry,” You said as you closed the door and buckled up with excitement, “I fell asleep last night before I could pack, we’re not going to be late because of me, right?”

Your eyebrows were furrowed as Seungkwan chuckled and shook his head, putting the car into motion as he shifted into first gear.

“Of course not, there’s no fixed hour we have to get there,” Seungkwan’s words eased your nerves and you relaxed into the leather seat of his car, letting your backpack rest on the floor between your legs, “Jihoon wants us to be there by 2 pm, so we have plenty of time to get there, Y/N, relax.”

“I’m relaxed now.” You said with a giggle and let your eyes gaze out the window as Seungkwan drove through the city.

“Are you ready for today?” Seungkwan asked with a smile as he gave you a quick glance.

“Super buzzed!” You gave him a look and then giggled before leaning forward to turn up the radio. It was one of your favorite songs playing and you couldn’t help but buzz with excitement at the challenges you’d have to face later today. And besides…you’ve never been on a road trip, not even when you went to school as you could not afford them. You had a good feeling about today and you hoped you’d be able to get enough money to pay the Lee’s back, after all there were only big prizes in the play at this tournament.

           The sun was high up in the sky as you had spotted the high white flags which signaled the tournament was held there. You had driven off the main road a while ago and Seungkwan started saying some lame jokes as he got bored of the silence in the car as the radio had no signal anymore. You were laughing loudly and hugging your sweater to your chest as Seungkwan mocked your laughter, but then he ended up laughing too and you had to remind him that he could run off the dirt road anytime if he didn’t focus back on driving. He just shook his head at you and sped up just a bit more, fearing he’d make a smaller rock hit his perfect Acura, as his eyes rested upon the made-up gates. You were surprised that it was fairly warmer here and you blamed it on the desert heat, even though it wasn’t like in the summer, it still made you sweat if you had your sweater on. You had pulled your hair in a low ponytail too, scrambling to find your ID when Seungkwan pulled up to the gates and the guardian tapped on his tinted window. Seungkwan was quick to roll the window down and he took your ID as he handed it to the guardian with his own, making the guardian look inside the car. You gave the big man a smile and he nodded at you before taking his walkie-talkie and speaking into it.

“Another one of the Lee’s arrived, let them pass through.” The man’s voice was rough and then he handed the ID’s back at you as Seungkwan gave him an appreciative nod. You stared at him impressed and placed your ID back into your backpack, making Seungkwan chuckle.

“What?” He asked amused as he drove down the road slowly, the crowd parting as they noticed a car coming. He didn’t roll up his window and the people who recognized him greeted him loudly as you passed by with the car, but Seungkwan paid no attention to them.

“You’re like a celebrity.” You said with a scoff, but you didn’t mean it in an offensive way, and it made Seungkwan laugh. Of course, Jihoon was well known around these places and since he was his brother, he was known too. And if he were to be honest, he enjoyed being in the spotlight a little bit too much, so he took advantage of it and created a name for himself as well. The Jokester with a brilliant mind, who worked with the finances of the family behind the scenes. Seungkwan was smarter than most would expect it and you discovered that as he told you a few of his secrets.

“Did I forget to tell you we founded this event?” He muttered arrogantly and your eyes widened as you turned to look at Seungkwan, missing the other guardian who scanned the car with a device as fast as lighting.

“You’re really rich…” You muttered as you remained turned towards Seungkwan, heart pumping faster as you gazed at his side profile. His lips were always pouty and it made you blush when you realized you were staring at them with an unexplainable want. Damn, this crush was acting up, you didn’t like that.

“Not rich enough if we need the stolen money back from you.” Seungkwan mused amused and you scoffed as you watched his hands as he expertly turned the wheel a few times before parking the car perfectly between two familiar ones. One was Soojin’s car and the other Jihoon’s, you gulped, now it suddenly all felt real and you realized soon you’d be the one racing, reeving the engine of the Acura not far away from here. You got out of the car and turned your head towards where the music was coming from and watched as the checkered flag fell and the two cars took off instantly, racing each other. It made your heart pump fast as you watched the losing car, your brain telling you that would be your fate as well. But no, you shook the thought away, you were driving a super-fast car today, there was no way you were losing. And you had to give the money back too…which made your eyes fall on Jihoon’s car and it made you shiver; you didn’t want to piss the man off for sure.

“Are you done gawking at my brother’s car?” Seungkwan’s voice behind you made you jump and you gave him a glare as you grabbed your backpack and closed the car’s door. He chuckled and threw an arm around your shoulders, making you blush of course, as he started pulling you towards the four trailers placed almost in a circle as if you were camping. There was even the place for a campfire which would be lit later, when night would finally fall, that’s when the party begins. You let Seungkwan pull you towards the trailer in the middle and he knocked, more like banged, on the door until it was opened harshly.

“Jesus, what!?” Came Soojin’s harsh voice as she glared down at her brother. Soojin was a very intimidating woman and you looked at Seungkwan confused as he ushered her away from the tight doorway.

“I brought you your roommate.” Seungkwan said cheerfully, such an opposition to Soojin’s mood, and pulled you inside the trailer, making you knock into Soojin as the space was quite tight.

“Sorry.” You muttered and gave her an apologetic look as she rubbed her shoulder and gave her brother a pissed look, she didn’t even react to you. Well, now you kinda wished you had a different roommate.

“No one told me I was sharing my trailer with anyone.” Soojin spoke up as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and you gulped as Seungkwan’s hand, his arm was still around your shoulders, gave you a reassuring squeeze. You didn’t know either that you’d share a trailer with Soojin, maybe you wouldn’t have agreed to come then. The girl, quite honestly, scared you the longer you looked at her. Her black hair reached her shoulders and her eyes were sharp, two slits, a trait you suddenly noticed Seungkwan didn’t have. Each Lee sibling had sharp and piercing eyes except for Seungkwan, his were big and round and almost always shining. You didn’t know the siblings well, but you’ve heard a lot about them and they said that while Jihoon and Soojin’s personalities were scarily alike, Seungkwan and Jun shared the same trickster and light spirit so many loved. Which now proved to be right as you gazed at the intimidating female and realized she was just as scary as her brother, Jihoon, who you hoped never to cross. Another reason why you’d have to earn that money back today and tomorrow.

“Quit being so pissy,” Came a scoff from behind you and your eyes widened as you didn’t even realize there was another person in the trailer with you, “you won’t die if you share a trailer with Y/N for one night, Soojin.”

“Then get off our bed with those dirty clothes!” Soojin snapped back at the person and you realized the deep voice belonged to no one other than Jeon Wonwoo as the two were quite inseparable, or so you’ve heard.

“As you wish,” Wonwoo muttered mockingly and stood up with a groan, one of his bones cracking, making Seungkwan chuckle.

“You’re getting a bit old, eh?” He teased the older male and Wonwoo rolled his eyes before they fell on you.

“I believe we haven’t officially met yet, I’m Jeon Wonwoo, nice to meet you.” He extended one hand to shake and you gazed at him mesmerized, taken by his beauty. This man was definitely someone you could stare at all day. Seungkwan and Soojin, however, shared an annoyed glance at the exchange between the two of you, unknown to you of course, as you were too busy shaking Wonwoo’s hand and he was too busy giving you one of his charming smiles.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you!” You seriously couldn’t help the blush which appeared on your cheeks and you were sure Wonwoo got this reaction many times, you couldn’t even feel embarrassed. Suddenly, the air turned tense as Soojin was glaring at the side of your head and Seungkwan squeezed your shoulder again as Wonwoo looked at his best friend with furrowed eyebrows.

“Alright,” He chuckled and then squeezed by you and Seungkwan, “I feel like I’m not welcomed here, see you all later.”

You waved after him as he exited the trailer and before he could close the door he stopped and turned. Soojin’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling, she looked pissed off still (or again, you couldn’t decide), and so you watched Wonwoo’s hand reach for his best friend’s waist. He softly tugged her body towards him and Soojin finally looked down at him, eyebrows raised and expression softened. Wonwoo said nothing as he offered her a smile, one which was only reserved for the female, as his nose scrunched up and teeth showed off, making him look like a cute high school boy. Soojin took his hand off her waist and then smiled back at Wonwoo before closing the door as he walked off the two stairs of the trailer. You watched the peculiar exchange with your jaw open, unbeknownst to you, and Seungkwan shook his head at the stupidness of his sister and her “best friend”.

“And you’re still here because…?” Soojin addressed Seungkwan once she composed herself back to the intimidating looking girl and Seungkwan scoffed, finally releasing you from his hold, yet your shoulders felt cold instantly and you wished he didn’t let go.

“Because Y/N and I are heading straight to the race.” Seungkwan announced and you looked at him surprised as you took your backpack off and placed it on the counter behind you, that was supposed to be the kitchen you were standing in right now.

“Sounds like news to her.” Soojin said with a chuckle and you scratched your nape as you undid your ponytail with slightly shaking fingers.

“I’m—I’m fine.” You tried to sound sure as you smiled at Seungkwan and he nodded his head firmly at you.

“Of course you are.” Then he offered you a big smile and you gulped, hating the way your heart started beating so fast again. When would this stop…it was getting annoying. Soojin rolled her eyes and opened the trailer’s door, watching the two of you expectantly.

“Well, go on then!” She ushered you out and you quickly scrambled outside, not wanting to upset her as Seungkwan looked at her a little annoyed. Soojin enjoyed the reactions and just chuckled before slamming the door shut and you saw her pass the kitchen window, probably going to lay down in the bed. There really wasn’t anything else to do inside the trailer.

“She doesn’t like me.” You muttered as Seungkwan started walking ahead of you and he chuckled, glancing back at you.

“She does, there’s very few people Soojin doesn’t like, her personality is just like that we can’t do much about it,” Then he chuckled as you passed by Wonwoo, who was sitting on a trunk by the unlit campfire, beer in one hand and phone in the other, “Wonwoo seems like he did succeed in taming the beast though.”

“If she heard you right now, you’d get slapped.” Wonwoo said amused as he looked at the two of you as you passed by him.

“That’s why I’m saying it now, she can’t hear me!” Seungkwan started then laughing like a madman and you shook your head at him, giving Wonwoo a look that said you didn’t agree with the Lee man.

“You’re not racing?” You asked as your eyes fell on the beer in his hand and Wonwoo shook his head.

“I’m only here for emotional support, as always.” He muttered with a chuckle as his eyes traveled to the trailer, inside which was Soojin resting. Soonyoung has been bothering her these past days and she didn’t get much sleep as she argued with Jihoon about the future of their infuriating friend.

“She seems…uhm, nice.” You scratched your nape and realized you hadn’t tied up your hair again, so you did it quickly. Seungkwan had left you with Wonwoo as he went to his car to check if everything was fine from the outside.

“No, she doesn’t,” Wonwoo sighed and shook his head, almost looking tired, “But she gets nicer the more you get to know her—oh, and Y/N? Don’t sleep on her left side, she usually kicks with her left leg in her sleep.”

“Oh,” You were speechless for a second, your brain trying to comprehend the relationship those two had, but who were you to interfere? “Yes, thank you—for telling me! I don’t want to be kicked while I sleep, that’s for sure!”

Wonwoo started laughing quietly at your awkward answer and watched you fidget a little as you didn’t know what to do or say next, stay with Wonwoo or go to Seungkwan, and he wasn’t surprised that Seungkwan brought you along; you were just his type. He knew about you stealing money from them, as did everyone since Seungkwan had a big mouth, but he didn’t except the sudden attitude change towards you. Seungkwan must really like you then, otherwise he would’ve continued being rude with you. Wonwoo chuckled and took a swing of his beer as Seungkwan saved you from your own misery and approached you.

“The car’s all ready for you,” Seungkwan told you and you gulped nervously, looking at the car behind him, “are you ready?”

“I—uh—yeah, I’m ready—” You weren’t feeling confident anymore and Seungkwan rolled his eyes, “Somewhat, yeah, I’m ready.”

“Listen,” Seungkwan took a deep breath and grabbed you by the shoulders, shaking you a little and making you chuckle, “You’re a fucking amazing driver, I’ve sat by your side for a week, I know this. And the Acura? The Acura is fast and you’re a good driver; see where I’m getting at? You will win, no doubt. So stop doubting your own skills, okay? You can do it!”

You took a deep breath and then exhaled, nodding along to Seungkwan’s words as he encouraged you, making your heart race. His head was close to yours and you were looking into each other eyes and you almost took a step closer, but stopped yourself just at the right moment. Then, you cleared your throat and gave him a small smile.

“Yeah, you’re right, I can do this.” But those words were meant more for yourself and then you remembered your mother’s words this morning and you knew you could do this; nothing could stop you.

“Let’s go, babe, you’re up in ten minutes against Lee Chan.” Now, Seungkwan had said “babe” accidentally and he was cursing himself for the slip up, but when you remained silent and didn’t react to it, he tried to shake it off his mind, he was an idiot. Wonwoo started laughing loudly and you both turned to look at him, Seungkwan was glaring at him because he knew the older man was laughing at him, but Wonwoo pretended he had seen something funny on his phone before he cleared his throat.

“Good luck, Y/N!” He offered as parting words as you nodded at him, determined, and then looked at Seungkwan, trying to not think of the fact that he called you babe, and then you marched towards the Acura. Seungkwan threw you the keys, and you thankfully caught them with both hands, and then you got inside the car. You buckled up and relaxed into the leather seat for a second, igniting the engine to life. You gripped the steering wheel harshly and found it weird that Seungkwan wasn’t to your right, but he couldn’t ride with you as it was against the rules, not that anyone would’ve seen as he had tinted windows. Then with a smile, you backed out from the parking spot and slowly rolled towards the long line of cars that were competing today.

           Lee Chan was easy to beat, victory came by before you could even blink. His Honda had no chance against Seungkwan’s Acura you were driving and you felt bad when you had seen the crestfallen expression on his face as he had to hand you over the won money. The boy had long blond hair and looked way too young, you wondered how he got past the three security check-ups. Of course, your curiosity was answered when a girl just as young as him ran up to him and lightly punched Chan’s arm.

“You’ve lost the first race already?” Her stance gave off annoyed vibes, but her voice and expression were quite contradictory as the boy sighed.

“Yuko, please don’t—”

“I’m not mad!” Then suddenly a wide smile appeared on her lips and she swiftly kissed the boy’s lips before her eyes fell on you and she checked you out.

“Oh,” Suddenly she had a sour expression as she leaned into Chan, unappreciative of the way you were dressed, “You’re the one he lost to, huh.”

“Uh, yes.” You frowned as the young girl scrutinize you and it made you want to chuckle, what was happening? “My car was better, so…”

“Sure, you have an Acura.” Yuko scoffed and rolled her eyes before she turned towards Chan and squished his face, “Now, let’s find someone who’s car sucks and you can beat!”

An excited smile appeared on the boy’s lips and he nodded his head eagerly before giving you a salute and running off with the girl back to his car, making you wonder who gave him permission to even drive a car. They looked sixteen and not older, but you didn’t want to dwell on it longer as you pocketed the money and went back to Seungkwan’s car and got in.

Then you kept racing for the rest of the afternoon, winning quite often and you started feeling more and more sure of yourself. This is what it meant to have a good car and it did make a difference. People congratulated you and looked at you impressed, making you feel validated once again. It was a feeling you could get used to and you sure hoped it would happen more often once you returned home tomorrow. Now you were even more committed to work hard to buy a new car. It was going to happen soon and you couldn’t wait anymore to feel the smell of new leather inside your car. But your victories came soon crashing down as you had to race against none other than Kaneko Azumi. You had told her that you’d race against them in the name of the Lee’s, just like you had warned Seungkwan, and she took it quite well. She even appreciated you warning her beforehand and reassured you that you’d still have that spot next to them at the tracks back at home. And because Azumi had a big ego and wouldn’t lose to anyone, she didn’t lose to you. You gulped harshly as you had to hand her over at least two stacks of money, the prizes higher as the sun was setting and only the best remained racing…or the daring ones. You had seen Seungkwan here and there during the afternoon, and he was delighted, but you didn’t know if you wanted to face him now that you’ve lost for the first time. Azumi was smirking as she took the money from you, but placed a reassuring hand on your arm.

“Hey, chin up, you’ve only lost to me, it’s not the end of the world!” She tried to cheer you up and you grimaced a little as you looked at her.

“I owe some guys money; I can’t afford to lose the bigger sums.” You told her the truth with a sigh and Azumi nodded in understanding, letting her hand drop next to her body.

“Sucks to be indebted to the Lee family.” Your eyes widened as another smirk crossed Azumi’s red tinted lips and she just shrugged, “Word gets around fast, Y/N, that why I don’t mind you racing against us. Besides, you’ve only beat Chan so far, which was to be expected…”

“Lee Chan?” You asked surprised, and Azumi chuckled.

“He’s my sister’s boyfriend, quite funny bloke but way too reckless…” Azumi sighed and suddenly she looked tired to you, as if she carried too much weight on her shoulders and it was your turn to grab her arm in reassurance.

“Your sister seemed like a girl who can take care of herself and you look like a strong woman too, you’ll figure it out.” You said reassuringly and Azumi chuckled, because you had no idea of what was going on but at least you noticed; she gave you an appreciative glance.

“Thanks, same to you…the Lee’s aren’t as horrible as everyone says, so don’t worry.” You nodded at Azumi and wanted to correct her, that in fact the Lee’s, especially Jihoon and Soojin, looked quite horrible if you were to cross them. Even Seungkwan was rude the first few times you talked to him, maybe it was a Lee thing.

“Thank you too, now…” You trailed off and stepped back towards your car, heart beating fast as this would be your last race today and the highest sum to pay or get paid, “I have to head off.”

“Oh, good luck,” Azumi grimaced and then looked off into the darkness of the desert, “my cousin is almost impossible to beat.”

“Almost.” You told her with a grin and Azumi chuckled as you got inside the Acura and turned on the headlights, heart drumming against your ribcage. You didn’t mean that, Takashi was way too good and he’s been driving a Nissan all day long and beating people left and right. You weren’t even half convinced that you’d be able to beat him, yet you really had to, because then you’d have the whole sum to give to the Lee’s and you wouldn’t have to race tomorrow in fear of not being able to pay them back. You’d have to give Takashi all your money if you lose. You pulled up to the start line and took in a deep breath, focusing only ahead as the huge crowd had gathered behind the two cars. It was the last race of the night after all and everyone was eager to see who’d win before the big party would start, despite the fact that most people were already doing just that. And then you saw him, Seungkwan, standing to the side but in a spot where he knew you’d see him and he smiled, making your heart beat so fast you felt like fainting. You gripped the steering wheel tightly and closed your eyes for a second, telling yourself you’d be able to do this. And with that in mind and ignoring the reeving of the other car, you clutched the shift gear in anticipation. And just as the checkered flag fell to the floor you were flying away, leaving a big cloud of sand in your wake, making people cover away. You dared not to look to you right, to see if Takashi was there or not, your eyes were fixed on the box that had 500m drawn on it, that’s where the race ended. You shifted into the highest gear in just a few seconds, the engine not crying out once in discomfort meaning that you were doing everything right as you learned the car, and then you hit the brakes because you had passed the 500m mark. It took a little until the car stopped rolling and you were breathing hard as you feared the result of the race, but in the end you had no choice but to get out; so you unbuckled the seatbelt and threw the door open, watching as Takashi followed you outside with arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked pissed as he glared at you and your face fell when he took the big stack of cash out from his jacket’s pockets. You won. You won! A huge grin appeared on your lips and you didn’t think twice as you snatched the money from his hand, choosing to ignore whatever he jabbed at you in Japanese, as you ran back inside the Acura and turned the car around, driving back to the people. You honked and the crowd erupted in wild cheers, knowing that you were the winner as you had returned first and with the windows rolled down as you screamed in joy. And just liked that, music started blaring from various speakers gathered around the vast space and you got out of the car in excitement never felt before as the crowd parted for you. You were looking for Seungkwan, and when you found him, you squealed in joy and ran into him with such force that he staggered for a second and thought you’d fall over. But you didn’t as he returned the tight hug, happier than you were actually and he’s never felt this proud of anyone else before. You were still squealing and jumping up and down in his arms, unable to accept the reality of beating Kaneko Takashi and being able to pay the Lee’s back now.

“I did it!” You exclaimed with a laugh as you pulled back slightly from Seungkwan and when you saw the look in his eyes, it overwhelmed you. He was so happy and he was looking at you with such adoration that you couldn’t breathe anymore, so you chose to steal his breath away too. You gripped his soft cheeks and kissed him on the lips. Seungkwan felt like fainting and his arms fell limply next to his body as he stopped hugging you, trying to process the fact that you kissed him. You kissed him. He thought you didn’t like him. But at the lack of response, you quickly pulled back mortified and the happiness started dying out at a quick rate as you pressed the money into Seungkwan’s hands.

“Sorry, take this!” And then you turned around and ran back to your shared trailed with Soojin, despite it being quite far, but shame was eating you alive right now. You wished the Earth would swallow you as you stormed past the now lit campfire, making Jennie and Jun look at you confused as they were cozying up on the trunks by the campfire. You kicked the trailer’s door open, interrupting whatever Wonwoo and Soojin were doing as all three of you froze. Soojin’s arm was raised and she held a book in her hand, which she looked ready to chuck at Wonwoo, who had been screaming as he lay on his stomach. Your faced turned redder if possible and you felt so frustrated, but you had nowhere else to go and you wished just for a second to be left alone. As if Soojin read your mind, she kicked Wonwoo’s hip, making him hiss, and she settled down on the bed.

“Wonwoo, leave. Y/N, go inside the bathroom, I won’t make a sound.” Wonwoo groaned, but he wasn’t mad that he had to leave because of you, so he slowly got up and leaned very close to Soojin’s face, glaring at her as Soojin returned the fierce look. You couldn’t take the two anymore, the tension annoying you and you were already dying, so without a second thought you stormed inside the very small bathroom and slammed the door shut behind you, but it didn’t close, so you had to close it again and softer this time. You took deep breaths and listened to see if they’d leave you alone, but you only heard one person leave based on their footsteps. You guessed it was Wonwoo, and right then there was a knock on the door.

“If you want to scream, I can give you my pillow.” Somehow that made you smile, but you still felt horrible.

“No—I’m good.” You weren’t, but oh well.

“You won; I assume? Shouldn’t you be happier?” Soojin was leaning against the door as her eyebrows furrowed, waiting for you answer.

“I kissed Seungkwan.” You deadpanned and tugged at your hair as you undid your messy ponytail.

“Oh.” Soojin pursed her lips and stared out the kitchen window, watching as Wonwoo took a beer and sat across from Junhui and Jennie. She wished she had your courage to kiss the man she so dearly loved, “Come out when you feel ready, I’ll save a beer for you.”

And then you heard the trailer door open and close once again and you groaned, truly wanting to scream right now.

           For God’s sake, you were twenty-one years old. You couldn’t act this dramatic over one kiss, so you sucked it up. So what? You kissed the dude and since he didn’t like it, nothing more would ever happen. You could act like it never happened or you could stay inside that damned trailer and listen to the laughter of others and the good music played through the speakers as you moped about your terrible choices. No, you washed your face to freshen up a bit, changed your crop top to a t-shirt and pulled on the sweater you wore this morning, letting your hair free as you pulled the hair-tie on your wrist. You were here to have fun, now that you were debt-free. When you opened the trailer door you expected everyone to look at you like you had three heads, but no one even cast you a glance, thankfully, and you walked down the two steps of the trailer before closing the door quietly. Jun and Wonwoo were standing by the fire as they kept flicking something inside it, which earned frowns from Jennie and laughter from Soojin as the two girls sat on one of the trunk’s with beers in their hands. Jihoon was leaning against one of the trailer’s, with a beer in hand, as he looked around at the people. He felt your gaze on him, so he turned his head and you two made eye contact. You gulped but he just raised his beer in a greeting at you and you waved at him before scurrying to the girls, scared that he’d corner you when you’re alone and question you. Seungkwan was nowhere to be seen and you were glad, lame, you knew. Jennie’s face lit up when she saw you and she patted the empty seat next to her and you sat down, offering her a thankful smile. Soojin pressed a beer towards you without even looking as she laughed at Wonwoo, who started making faces at her. You never thought you’d hear the girl laugh, despite her harsh and raspy voice, her laughter was very high-pitched, almost unfitting to her. You took a gulp of your beer and Jennie looked at you with a smile on her face again.

“Congratulations, I heard you won!” She spoke up as you gulped down the alcohol and gave her a nod.

“Yeah, I did, thank you.”

“You got rid of us quite quickly.” Jennie continued with a chuckle and you raised your eyebrows at her in confusion, “No one’s ever paid back Jihoon this fast, you know.”

“Oh, I—I shouldn’t have stolen in the first place…” You mumbled embarrassed and then your eyes fell onto Jennie’s hand, which felt around her empty collarbones. And you suddenly remembered what else you had stolen. You took another swing of the beer before placing your hand in the deep pocket of your sweater and grasping at the fine chain.

“Uh, this is very embarrassing and I’m very sorry—” You spoke up just as Wonwoo started chasing around Soojin, making the girl scream and you cringe at her shrill voice, how did she do that?! “But I have to give this back to you.”

Jennie didn’t look surprised and that made you even more embarrassed as you opened your fist and let her take back her necklace, “Thank you. It means a lot that you gave it back.”

“Don’t you, uh, hate me?” You asked confused and Jennie chuckled as Jun passed by behind your backs and pressed a kiss against her cheek. He grabbed Jihoon by the shoulders, the height difference was quite comical now that you watched the two, and they took off towards somewhere.

“No, you admitted you did it and gave it back, I appreciate that more.” Jennie was a surprising person. How was she so nice? Her features were breathtaking and for some reason she looked intimidating too, what was happening here, but she was so kind, you weren’t expecting it.

“Thank you and I promise I won’t do it again.” Jennie giggled and gave you a thumbs up as she clasped the necklace around her neck, feeling the pendant and relaxing instantly. The pendant was something that always eased her nerves, she grew very attached to it, and every time she touched it, she felt reassured and calm.

“I’d appreciate that,” Jennie said at last as she watched you take another swing of your beer and then you gazed at the fire with a sad expression, “Why did Seungkwan leave you alone?”

“I kissed him and he hates me now…probably.” You said with a scoff and then sighed loudly, glancing at Jennie from the corner of your eyes. She was grinning, looking very amused, and then she shook her head at you.

“He doesn’t hate you, because he really—” As if right on cue, Seungkwan came up from behind and gripped Jennie’s shoulder to stop her from talking. The girl sometimes said things without thinking first. You looked up at Seungkwan and avoided eye contact when he tried to catch your gaze, he sighed.

“Y/N, can we talk in private?” Oh, fuck, maybe you should have stayed inside the trailer and pretended to sleep, then tomorrow you could’ve asked Soojin to give you a ride back. But it was too late for that first plan.

“Sure.” You said with a shrug and chugged the rest of the beer down, making Jennie look at you with wide eyes as Seungkwan’s eyebrows furrowed for a second. You dropped the glass next to the trunk and stood up, looking at Seungkwan with a grimace. He took your arm and held it gently as he lead the two of you away from Jennie and the campfire and behind one of the trailers. He cleared his throat, didn’t let go of you though, as he looked nervous.

“I’m sorry for my reaction, you took me by surprise. I didn’t think you liked me—”

“I don’t like you!” You cut him off stupidly, feeling bad for lying to him.

“Oh,” Seungkwan’s eyebrows furrowed and he let go of you, looking disappointed, “It must’ve been the spur of the moment, I assume.”

“Yeah,” You nodded, trying to look confident, but when Seungkwan looked even more disappointed, you groaned, fuck, “No, I actually like you Seungkwan…”

His eyes snapped up at your face and he felt his skin tingle as he grabbed your cheeks and leaned in, hesitating just a little bit before pressing his pouty lips against your cherry-colored ones. His lips were so soft and you closed your eyes as you kissed him back, screaming in your head in joy that Seungkwan liked you back. This felt so weird and foreign, but you enjoyed the warmth that spread through your being and you couldn’t help but chuckle and pull back.

“I like you too.” Seungkwan muttered with a smile and you hugged him, feeling once again happy. Alright, leaving the trailer was the best idea. You snuggled up into his side as Seungkwan let his arm rest around your shoulders.

“Let’s go back to the campfire, it’s actually cold out here.” He said and right on cue shivered, making you chuckle. You nodded and you hurried back to the campfire, where Jennie wasn’t alone anymore. Soojin and Wonwoo had ended their chase and returned, but only Soojin sat at the campfire and her knuckles were white from clutching her beer. You were confused and started thinking she was bipolar by the quick mood changes and her unpredictable behavior, so you sat next to Jennie instead and Seungkwan pushed you over very rudely to make space for himself as well. You gave him a glare, but he just giggled and then let you snuggle up into him again as Jennie gave you a sly smile.

“Dare I assume your problems were solved.” She whispered teasingly and you blushed, wanting to hide away.

“Your assumption is right.” You whispered back and the two of you giggled, making Seungkwan glance at you two curiously.

“What are we giggling about?” He asked nosily and you rolled you eyes and Jennie opened her mouth to answer him, but the loud scoff coming from her right stopped her. Soojin looked on the verge of exploding as you looked over to her and you were afraid she’d brake the glass of beer she was clutching so tightly.

“Someone shoot me, right now,” She sneered as she threw the beer onto the ground very angrily, “Has anyone seen Soonyoung?”

“I think you should stay here, Soojin.” Jennie’s voice became stern, almost motherly, as she clutched Soojin’s leg when she went to stand up. You didn’t understand what was happening, so all you did was frown.

“Stupid Wonwoo, I swear to God.” But then you heard Seungkwan mutter under his breath and you glanced at him even more confused and followed where he was looking with your eyes and then understood, sort of. At the next campfire, not very far away, was Wonwoo with a beer in his hand as a woman was all over him, currently kissing his neck. Wonwoo’s glasses were disregarded and his hips moved to rhythm of the music as the woman followed his lead, well that was a sight you maybe wished you hadn’t seen. Suddenly Soojin’s foul mood made sense and you felt bad for her all of a sudden.

“I asked,” Soojin’s jaw was clenched as she stood with the deadliest glare you’ve ever seen on anyone directed at Jennie, “has anyone seen Soonyoung?”

Jennie sighed and looked at Seungkwan with a screaming expression to stop her, but all he did was shrug. You pinched him softly to help Jennie out, but Seungkwan had always stayed out of Soojin’s business. She was older and so she did whatever she wanted, he couldn’t command her around, because she wouldn’t listen.

“He’s in his trailer—” Jennie didn’t even get to finish her words as Soojin stormed past the trio of you sitting on the trunk and stormed inside the trailer of which Seungkwan and you had been behind of just minutes ago. Jun showed up and sat next to Jennie, taking Soojin’s previous place, and gave her a soft kiss.

“Why are you so tense?” Jun asked confused and watched his girlfriend fiddle with her pendant.

“Soojin is acting out again because of Wonwoo.” Jennie explained and Jun’s jaw tensed, unlike Seungkwan, even if he was younger than Soojin, he was all up in her business. Jun wanted his sister to feel fine and be protected, he couldn’t take it when she was upset because of a stupid man. But before he could even stand up, a drunk man stumbled out from inside the trailer with Soojin holding his hand, and you assumed that was Soonyoung. Soojin then dragged him to the campfire where Wonwoo and the woman were and turned herself around to face Wonwoo as Soonyoung hugged the girl from behind and smiled as he started dancing with her. Even from your place you could see the murderous look Wonwoo had on his face as he watched his best friend dance with Soonyoung, the man he hated most. The man who always ruined everything in his eyes.

“Welcome to the family, babe.” Seungkwan muttered in your ear amused, making you jump as he surprised you. You turned your head to look at him and he pressed a quick kiss to your lips, further amused when you blushed a crimson red.

Indeed, welcome to the Lee family.

[poutyyybangtan]

ready or not - j.jk

genre: friends to lovers, enemy to lovers, (almost a slow burn?), a mix of everything lol  character pairing: jeon jungkook 9bts) x female oc warnings: not really any lol just angsty fluff kinda stuff word count: 5.4k (it’s alot) authors note: i wrote this months ago and it’s not finished but i can finish it if yall want? let me know :)

______

(prompts from @im-here-to-help-you-all-write​)

“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets.” “yeah, kinda like your face.”

“i need your help.” “holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that.’ “please don’t rub it in right now.”

“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet” “you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time.”

you can’t believe you actually had to do this. the last person you ever wanted to look at was your only shot at getting out of the situation you brought upon yourself. you had originally counted on one of your other friends to help you out, but of course, life never seemed to work out the way you wanted it to. 

“jin, please. can’t you just cancel and come with me?” you begged, watching as your older companion continued to chop away at some vegetables. 

“you know i would love to help bamboozle your family with my impeccable acting skills, but unfortunately, i do have a business to run. this weekend is a big deal for the restaurant and joon would kill me if i left him alone to handle such a thing. and besides, we all know joon can’t toast bread without having to call the fire department first,” jin laughs. you laugh softly, knowing jin had a point. poor namjoon had amazing business skills, but unfortunately that means he lacks in the cooking department. 

“i guess you’re right,” you mumble begrudgingly. 

“why not ask jimin if he can go?” jin asks, sliding the chopped vegetables into a pot.

“my mom knows him, she’ll know something isn’t right. and besides, he and hobi are going to a dance camp for school,” you shrug.

“and tae? yoongi?” jin asks.

“he’s got that test retake for his photography class and yoongs has an audition for an entertainment company in gangnam,” you sigh. you’re really proud of all your friends and the successes they have, but you really wished they could’ve helped you in your time of need. but you couldn’t be that selfish, so maybe you had to admit defeat. 

“you know, you could just ask jungkook,” jin asks nonchalantly. 

“you know i can’t do that,” you answer bluntly, refusing to even entertain the idea.

“i mean, you could,” jin laughs, putting the lid on the pot and onto the stove top, turning to you afterwards.

“jin, you know i can’t. he is the last person on earth i would ask to help me. i would rather die of embarrassment than to ask him for his help,” you dramatically claim.

“you just might if you don’t ask. besides, what's the big deal? it’s only for a weekend,” jin shrugs.

“yeah, a whole weekend of him pretending to be my boyfriend. jin, we can barely tolerate each other as is, having us cooped up together and pretending like we actually like each other is a whole other ball game,” you said.

“well, here’s the way i look at it. either you tell your mother that you don’t have a boyfriend and face embarrassment at your mother's wedding, or you can suck it up, ask jungkook nicely to do you this one favor, and have fun this weekend. you never know, jungkook might actually be up for it,” jin says, an underlying suggestive tone in his voice; one that you never caught.

you had to admit, jin was right. as painful as it was, jungkook was your only chance at escaping this nightmarish weekend. 

-

you found jungkook in his usual zone of comfort: with his lips attached to some random girl he probably barely knew. you found yourself scrunching your face in distaste. such a vulgar display in a library no less. you huffed off your second doubts and approached the table with confidence. you noticed that neither party acknowledged your presence, so you knocked on the table to gain their attention. reluctantly, the girl pulled away first to throw you a bitter look.

“jeon, can we talk?” you say softly, not trying to cause a disturbance.

“i’m kind of busy, can’t it wait?” jungkook asks, a smug look on his face, the girl sat next to him donned a complacent smile on hers.

“please, i saw you making out with some bimbo blonde yesterday, i’m sure you can find some other toy to play with when we’re done,” you smirk, watching the look on the girls face fall with every passing word that escaped your lips. she glanced over at jungkook with disgust before grabbing her belongings and walking away in a fit.

“great, well there goes my whole afternoon,” jungkook scoffs. he leans into his chair, folding his arms over his chest.

“you’ll deal. look, i need your help,” you admit, much to your dismay.

“holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that,” jungkook laughs ironically.

“please don’t rub it in right now,” you groan.

“how can i offer my service to you?” jungkook smirks, looking up at your obviously irritated figure.

“i need... i can’t believe i’m saying this. i need you to be my boyfriend for the weekend,” you spit out.

“you what?” jungkook asks incredulously. you don’t blame him for his confusion. what you were asking was heinous, add to the fact that you two barely tolerated each other? it was the biggest taboo situation you could’ve put yourself in. but you were desperate.

your mother, as loving as she was, was relentless. she just wanted the best for you. you were about to graduate college soon, about to get a real career and be a real adult. and to her, that meant start a family as soon as possible. and that couldn’t happen without being in a relationship first. and what better way than to hook your daughter up at a gathering for family friends? cause nothing says love like a wedding, right?

“what’s in it for me?” jungkook asks. you looked at him in disbelief.

“wait, you’re actually considering it?” you asked.

“well, you gave me a proposition, so why not?” jungkook asks. 

“uh, because we’re not necessarily friends? it’s not like you owe me anything to even consider the idea,” you chuckle.

“you might not be my friend, but that doesn’t mean i’m not yours,” jungkook shrugs, finally standing up and collecting his scattered books. you hadn’t actually noticed them before, you just thought that the library was a good place for jungkook to hook up, not an actual study zone. 

“well, uh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, answering his question finally. 

“i need a date for this work thing, and my usual hookups aren't going to cut it. they’re not exactly what you would say… modest?” jungkook jokes, causing you to laugh a little bit. 

“sound like a deal?” jungkook asks after a moment of silence passes. you pretend to consider his proposition, as if you actually had a choice. you look up at him and you can see that he saw that too.

“what kind of work thing?”

=

“where are you going?” jimin asks, watching you step out of your bedroom clad in a cocktail dress. you really would’ve rather been at your shared apartment, cuddled up next to jimin and tae watching some horror film eating greasy food, but alas, you had to uphold your end of the bargain.

“remember i told you that in order for jungkook to uphold his end, i have to uphold mine? apparently, he works at some magazine company and they’re having a company gathering to celebrate the issue's 90th anniversary and he needed me to come with,” you groan, strapping on your heels. 

“you’re going all out for this,” taehyung comments, a teasing tone hidden in his words. you looked up and glared at him, knowing what he meant.

“if i put forth 100%, maybe he will too,” you say. 

“oh, he most definitely will be putting in 100% effort,” jimin says, low enough for only taehyung to hear which makes him giggle. you look up and see jimin smirking at you which makes you groan internally. 

suddenly, the doorbell rings and you thank whatever being there is that saves you from the conversation that was happening, with or without your participation. you pull the door open and the first thing you see is jungkook, properly dressed head to toe. you notice the bow tie pressed snuggly against his neck, not a wrinkle in his suit jacket or his dress shirt. his long hair was parted down the middle, brushed out out of his eye. you hated to admit it, but he looked breathtakingly beautiful. 

“wow,” jungkook finally says, eyeing you in a way that made the blood pool in your cheeks. 

“uh, yeah. let’s- let’s go,” you murmur, noticing the boys in the living room giggling at your guys’ interaction. you shove him in his chest. he grabs your hands and laughs, pulling you out the door.

“what did i miss?” jungkook asks. you roll your eyes, noticing the way jungkook held onto your hand, even after you got further and further away from your apartment, but not minding the warmth his hand provided against your cold one. 

“trust me, nothing you want to hear, and nothing i’m willing to repeat,” you scoff.

=

jungkook was right. he had warned you beforehand that everyone at his job was stuck up and snobbish and would continuously point out that fact that you were no model. and like he had forewarned, all you heard all night was “you’re too pretty not to be a model” or “jungkook ended up with you?” you were appalled, sure, but you didn’t take their words to heart. you don’t know these people, and after tonight, you’re never going to see them again. 

but jungkook flinched every time someone opened their mouth. he felt bad for you, but when he saw you delicately handle the situation, he knew you would be fine. still, it didn’t make him feel any less bad. 

“we can leave whenever you want, you know?” jungkook whispers into your ear. you look up at him and smile.

“sounds like you’re using me as an excuse to ditch this snooze fest,” you giggle. jungkook smiles back down at you and laughs with you.

“busted,” he finally says.

“thank god, let’s ditch these runway wannabes and get some pizza. i’m starved,” you groan, looking away, missing the endearing glance he tosses your way. you both ditch the stuffy building, and headed to a late night pizza shop down the corner. you sigh in relief once you step into the restaurant, inhaling the smell of cheese and dough. you both decide to seat yourselves in a booth in the corner of the dining area.  once you both place your orders, you settle into a comfortable silence. 

“so, what caused you to conjure up this boyfriend lie?” jungkook asked after awhile. 

“my mom thinks that i need to be in a relationship to be happy since i’m getting ready to enter the real world,” you sigh, rolling your eyes and leaning into your elbows that rested on the table.

“thats stupid,” jungkook scoffs, leaning into the booth. you were caught off guard by this, expecting jungkook to somewhat agree with your mother.

“you look surprised,” he says, gauging your reaction.

“i kind of am. not gonna lie, i was expecting you to agree with her,” you say, shrugging. the waiter brings your slices and leaves you two alone, settling back into the conversation.

“no way. if you want to be single, you should. i’m sure you’re single by choice anyways,” jungkook says, picking up his pizza and taking a huge bite of it.

“what do you mean?” you ask him, slightly confused behind the intentions of his sentence. 

“i just mean that you’re insanely smart, funny and talented. and you’re extremely beautiful. if you wanted any guy, you could have him,” jungkook shrugs, munching on his pizza in peace. meanwhile, his statement sent you into a frenzy. who knew jeon jungkook thought so highly of you. you were under the impression that he dispised your entire being. he never really complimented you before, so his statement shocked you. 

“never knew you thought so highly of me,” you said, smiling to yourself. you can’t really explain it and you don’t know why, but knowing how jungkook truly felt about you made you extremely happy. 

“there’s a lot you don’t now about me,” he winks, causing you to roll your eyes and eat your pizza. and yet again, you missed the way jungkook smiled at you, enjoying your presence more than he would care to admit to. 

=

“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet,” you murmur, feeling your hands start to shake as you stood outside the venue. 

“you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time,” jungkook smiles, taking hold of your hand and waltzing you two into the building. your mom had asked you to come early for a surprise so you decided to give her a surprise of your own.

“jungkook, maybe we should say you caught food poisoning and we had to leave,” you murmured as jungkook continued to drag you further and further into the building. jungkook smiled at your child-like nature and shook his head.

“we’ve come too far to give up now. let’s just rock this and get home,” he says, smiling at you. you felt a sudden urge of confidence that surges through you and gives you enough momentum to swing open the doors of the chapel hall. you were taken aback by the way the chairs are decorated with white pieces, hanging off the backs. you take notice of the pale yellow and white combo that you didn’t think would match so well. you felt happy for your mom and that she met someone who loved her so much that they were willing to do this for her to cherish the day.

“it’s beautiful,” you gape, admiring all the minute details your mother probably agonized over. jungkook admired the astonished look on your face as you practically ignored his presence to take in your surroundings. he always found you beautiful, but watching you be you while nobody was looking was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. jungkook had the biggest crush on you for as long as he could remember. and he refused to even fathom the thought of confessing to you when he knew how you felt. he knew you couldn’t stand his lifestyle, his choices that he’s made regrettably. but how else was he supposed to cope with the fact with the one person he’s allowed to steal his heart hates him. 

“ah, there you are,” a voice says from behind you two. you both turn around and you see your mom, hair curlers and full glam. 

“hi mama,” you smile, running up to her and giving her a big hug. 

“hi sweet pea,” your mama coos, swaying you both back and forth. you pull back and look behind you to see jeon smiling at the interaction. this made your heart jump for a split second before you returned back to your surroundings.

“ma, this is my boyfriend, jeon jungkook,” you smile. 

“oh my, you’re so handsome,” your mother gushes, rushing up to him and pulling him into a hug.

“thank you,” jungkook smiles, blushing slightly. you’ve never seen jeon blush before and to see him in a such a fragile state made you happy. and you couldn’t seem to figure out why. your mom finally released jeon from her clutches and she turned back to you. 

“hun, i’ve got a surprise for you. follow me,” she says, grabbing yours and jeon’s hands dragging you to what you assumed was the dressing room. there were two dresses that were covered hanging off of a clothing rack. your mom shoves you guys onto a couch and rushes over to the dresses.

“one of these beauties will be yours to wear for the wedding because… hon, will you be my maid of honor?” your mother asks, eyes full of stars that made your heart swell. you felt the air leave your lungs and your heart begin to race. you remember watching your mom struggle with love all her life, her face in a frown always. you’ve never seen your mom so happy now, and you would do anything just to see her happy. 

“ma, are you serious?” you ask, wanting to be sure this is what she really wanted. 

“of course baby,” she smiles. you jump up and hug her tightly, muttering a yes into her hair. you both squeal with delight, jumping in place like teenage girls. suddenly, another pair of arms are wrapped around you, chest pressed against your back. you managed to look up and see jungkook bouncing with you and your mom. 

“i wanted to join too,” jungkook says, his voice high pitched and filled with excitement which in response, made you giggle. you all finally stop bouncing and jungkook pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, catching you off guard. you felt your heart race and you swore his heartbeat matched yours. you brushed it off as it being the sudden activity you all had just endured.

“i’ll leave you two alone so you can try the dresses,” your mother says after she catches her breath, winking at you. 

“you’re just gonna let your daughter get undressed in front of her boyfriend alone?” you ask incredulously. 

“hon, he’s your boyfriend. i’m sure he’s seen more,” she giggles, exiting the room, leaving you with your jaw wide open. 

“can you believe this?” you ask, shocked at your mothers bold statement.

“i’ve always wondered where you get your vulgarity from,” jungkook teases, his chest causing a vibration that you felt in your back, reminding you of your close, read as nonexistent, proximity. you push yourself away and whip around to face him, catching a glimpse of him trying to fight the smile that tried its best to take place on his delicate features.

“i’m not vulgar and you’re not watching me change. however, i do need an opinion on the dresses, so i guess you can stay,” you say, walking past him to try on the dresses. you snatch both of them of the rack and head into the bathroom, changing into dress number one. 

at first you thought it was a joke, the frills and exotic colors making your eyes hurt from how loud it was. you tried it on anyway, and you couldn’t believe how ridiculous you looked. no way your mother was being serious when she picked this dress out. you unlocked the bathroom door and stopped your way to where jungkook was sitting on the couch, playing on his phone. you clear your throat to capture his attention and you nearly explode with the laughter with the way his eyes widen and face drops.

“what do you think?” you ask him, twirling around in the godforsaken dress you know your mother probably bought as a joke. 

“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets,” jungkook says, a dumbfounded look on his face. you withhold your laughter and stare at him in distaste.

“yeah like your face,” you scoff, playing with the dress as if you actually admired it. 

“are you gonna wear that?” he asks, secretly hoping you’d say no so he could release a breathe he didn’t know he was holding. 

“well, i like it, don’t you?” you say, continuing to pretend like you actually were considering wearing this deafening dress. 

“uh.. if you like it then… sure,” jungkook says, shifting in his seat. you admired the fact that he was trying to cater to your feelings and for some reason it made your heart race at the thought. you don’t know whats been going on with you lately but every kind gesture has made your heart race with excitement. you didn’t know when it happened, but you started looking at jungkook as more and it scared you. you couldn’t be with him. you knew that. jungkook had a reputation, and he was proud of it. he was proud of the amount of women he could pull in one night. hell, in one hour. he was used to the idea that feelings were a concept he wasn’t willing to understand or try out. and you had to accept that.

“i’m messing with you gukkie. my mom probably bought this as a gag, the real dress is still in its cover,” you say laughing at jungkooks face that was contorted into one of discomfort. you leave him to relish in your teasing as you retreat back to the bathroom to change into the actual dress. you could still hear jungkook laugh to himself as you unzipped the dress to change into the other one. little did you know, he was laughing to himself about the nickname you gave him. he’s never had a nickname he actually enjoyed before. he was still lost in the thought of you calling him gukkie forever when you finally exited the bathroom.

he always thought those scenes in cheesy rom-com teen films where the guy is staring at the girl like she’s the only one that matters was cliche. but he was wrong. so very wrong. watching you in the tight floor length pale yellow dress that just made you glow knocked all the air out of his lungs. you’re hair that was in a messy ponytail allowed some pieces of hair to frame your face as you continued to fumble with the dress.

“it’s a little longer than i thought, but it fits well, yeah?” you say, still looking down at the gown. you honestly felt ridiculous. you rarely dress up like this. you hid your body underneath baggy clothing so to have something so tightly pressed against your body made you severely insecure. the silence coming from jungkook made everything worse. you looked up to see jungkook leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs, hands holding his head up. there was a look in his eye you had never seen before and it made your stomach churn with excitement.

“that bad huh?” you joke, hoping to ease some of the tension that was building in the room. jungkook stands to his feet and approaches you, his body so close to yours you could feel the heat radiating off of his body. 

“you look beautiful,” jungkook says, smiling down at you. you feel yourself blush and begin to fumble with your fingers, a nervous tic jungkook found absolutely adorable. jungkook was helplessly in love with you, this much he knew. from the way you laughed, to the way you rolled your eyes in his presence. he loved the way you gave yourself wholly to the ones you cared about, willing and able to do any and everything for the people you love. he loved the way you strived to work hard and how incredibly intelligent you were. and suddenly, his heart was full with all the love he was dying to give you, but know he never could. because you deserved much more than some player who was willing to sleep with anything with legs. but if he could at least pretend like the love between you two was real, even if for a short while, he’ll take it. as desperate as he was, he wanted to know what it felt like to have you love him back. even if he knew it was all pretend. 

“jungkook, i can’t thank you enough for doing this. i know you would rather be in some girls bed trying to figure out a way to sneak out without her noticing, but i’m glad you’re here… with me,” you smile, hands gripping his bicep’s to keep him close. his cologne was hypnotizing, causing you to pull him closer and closer.

“there’s no place i would rather be,” jungkook said honestly, placing his hands onto your waist, allowing you to lean in. 

“you don’t mean that,” you scoff, smiling and rolling your eyes, getting ready to pull yourself back from a dangerous territory. jungkook stops this from happening, wrapping his arm around you til your pressed flush against his body. 

“you have no idea how bad i want you. all of you. mind, body and soul. but for right now, for the sake of our friendship and the momentum its growing, i will take you in whatever way you will allow me to have,” jungkooks says, forehead pressed against yours as he wills himself to hold back from pressing his lips against yours and taking you on the small couch in the dressing room. the words jungkook spoke so honestly made you shake from it’s intensity. 

“jungkook i--” 

“how’d the dress fit?” you mother asks, barging into the room. you and jungkook scramble apart from one another, him taking seat on the couch and you standing in front of him. you mother misses the way you two seemed highly unfocused and nervous as she coos over how adorable you look in the right dress. 

“you need to finish getting your hair and makeup done, so scooch along so me and your beautiful boyfriend can get to know each other,” your mother says shoving you out of the room and directing you to where the other bridesmaids were getting their hair and makeup done. it wasn’t until you were sat in the chair that you realized.. your mother and jungkook were alone. oh boy. 

=

you never felt so girly in your life. your hair was curled and put up in a half up half down situation, your makeup light and barely noticeable, but enough to tell you were wearing it. this wasn’t you, you didn’t like wearing makeup mainly because at the end of the day you forget to take it off and causes acne. you were working part time and went to school full time so you always left your hair in a ponytail or a bun. this look was new for you and you were kind of excited yet nervous for jungkook’s reaction. 

you surprised yourself with the thought, not really caring about jungkook’s opinions before, but now it was all you could think of, and that scared you. you knew this was just a favor he was owing to you, but he was really going above and beyond and it warmed your heart. but you had to remind yourself that you were just friends, nothing more. hell, you were barely friends. had it not been for you incessant need to prove yourself to your mom, you two would’ve never even became cordial with one another. 

you brush these thoughts aside, trying to manifest positive vibes for such a joyous occasion. you leave the dressing room, filled with chatter, in search of jungkook who may be suffering your mother’s constant conversation. you return back to the room you first were in when you arrived, catching your mother exiting the room. 

“you didn’t scare him off, did you?” you tease, hugging your mom. 

“honey, you look beautiful!,” your mom gushes, taking in the sight of her daughter. you smile and thank her, happy that she was happy.

“is he still in there?” you ask, nodding towards the door she came out of. she giggled and placed her hands on your shoulder. 

“he is, and he is absolutely in love with you,” she smiles, causing you to furrow your eyebrows.

“what do you mean?” you ask, your heart starting to race. 

“the way he talks about you, the way his eyes gleam with love with the mere thought of you. hunny, this man is undoubtedly in love with you,” she smiles. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, there was no way that jeon jungkook, the university playboy, is in love with you. you two barely conversed without an argument taking place. you doubt he knew anything about you, despite you two running in the same circles. sure, you knew a lot about him, just because your friends talked about him a lot and it was hard not to listen to sometimes. 

“you’re crazy ma. you need to finish getting ready, the weddings going to start soon,” you laugh, trying to brush off the conversation. 

“jungkook is in there getting ready, one of robert’s groomsmen caught food poisoning so he’s gonna walk down the aisle with your cousin, sam,” she said, rushing off to get ready, leaving you no room to reply. this wasn’t what he signed up for and you felt bad, so you went into the room to check on him. you caught him standing in front of the vanity, trying to finish off his tie. you had seen jungkook dressed up before, but there was something different about this time. you felt something more for him, and honestly, you always have. but his reputation…

“looking sharp,” you smile, looking up at him. his eyes meet yours in the mirror and he smiles, and this time you see it. the love your mother was talking about.

“you look beautiful, as usual,” he says, his charm peeking through. you scoff at his comment, walking up to him. you seemed small compared to him, and it was kind of an odd sight for you. you leaned your head against his shoulder, just staring at him staring at you through the mirror. 

“something on your mind?” he asks, noticing how lost in thought you were. you focus in on him and the surroundings around you.

“my ma said something interesting earlier that’s got me thinking is all,” you say, hoping he wouldn’t press the issue much further. you didn’t want to make the air awkward or uncomfortable by trying to involve feelings, but a big part of you want to know how he feels from his own lips. 

“what did she say?” he asked, his nerves jumping. he didn’t say anything wrong did he? he tried to be as cordial and respectful as possible, wanting your mother to like him. if things were to happen in the future, he didn’t want to be on bad terms with your mother. 

“she said… she said that you love me?” you murmur, you heart caught in your throat now that the truth was out there and you can’t take it back. jungkook froze, caught off guard by your confession. he wanted to play it off like it wasn’t true, that your mother was delusional. but he knew the truth. and he knew that you also knew it too. he wanted you. he’s always wanted you. and now, he’s presented with the opportunity to have you in any way he wants and he can’t make the move to move forward.

“is it true?” you ask, trying to get a clear and concise answer. you’re not sure what’s going to happen, regardless of what his answer is, but the anxiety of not knowing is starting to kill you. you shouldn’t be forcing him to confess, but now that it was out there in the air, you couldn’t take it back. maybe you should tell him?

“if you’re not comfortable talking about it it’s o--”

“i love you,” he blurts, interrupting you. you pick your head up off of his shoulder and now you’re standing side by side, staring at him through the vanity mirror. you’re frozen, unsure of what to do now. you didn’t actually think he was going to say it. you thought your mother was pulling your leg. but she didn’t know that you two weren’t actually a couple and maybe that’s why you had hoped what she said was true. 

“did you hear me?” he asks, voice laced with nerves. he couldn’t even begin to explain the amount of fear and vulnerability he was feeling at the moment. he meant it. he loved you. but why should you believe him. he was a playboy, and though you may never understand his reasons as to why he tried so hard to escape you by sleeping with other people, he wanted nothing more for you to believe him now. 

“i did,” you whisper, afraid that the sound of your beating heart was louder than the words you spoke. you wanted him, god you wanted him, but you were scared that his words were from false bravado. a heat of the moment feeling that was fleeting. 

“i know you might not believe me, and you have every right not to. but i love you with my entire being and.. it’s scary,” he chuckles, trying to explain his emotions to the only person he’s ever been vulnerable with. 

“and like i told you earlier, for the sake of us finally gaining friendship, i will play it to your pace and whenever you’re ready, let me know. because i’ll be here,” he smiles. he turns to you, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to your cheek before walking out of the room, leaving you confused as to what the hell just happened.

_______

an: part two? let me know :)

[ruby-whistler]

Srry but i noticed in one of ur dream posts u Referred to tommy's cat as hope. I must correct u, that cat was born pussbou and died pussboi. /lh Also tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile btw just wanna say Also for ur posts about dreams trauma or wilbur manipulating him can u provide links to vods or other proof? Srry if i seem rude i mean that in a "genuinely curious way"

Aaa sorry if my ask came off as rude im just genuinely curious :(((

hi! dw, you don't seem rude at all, and i'm extremely happy someone with a different perspective has found my blog! i really appreciate that sort of attitude and am happy to answer :]

/dsmp /rp

the cat was called pussboy by tommy, but dream only called it "the cat" and then said that "it was hope", which is why it sort of became a symbol (his hope is dead, basically) - that's why i kind of made its name capitalized, because it was more of a metaphor than anything.

most c!dream fans call the cat hope because it's just really nice and really symbolic, and also really sad when you think about it. that's why the name was used in the essay, just to clear up the confusion!

tommy killing that cat was nothing compared to dream killing mushroom henry in exile

i don't really think so? mooshroom henry was entertainment more than anything, and even if it was bad, when watching the stream i don't remember seeing him mourn that much - on the other hand, dream was very quickly and very obviously attached to the cat, with it being his only companion in months of isolation, along with the hope that even when tommy left it would keep him company.

keep in mind c!dream has been deprived of stimuli and human contact for so long it's officially classified as psychological torture at that point.

i don't mean to compare trauma or even compare deaths - because honestly, what c!dream and c!tommy have gone through individually is incomparable and i think neither should be diminished in favor of the other since they're both terrible situations.

that's why i disagree that it "was nothing compared to" - it had an obvious effect on c!dream, and was still c!tommy killing an animal specifically to hurt him, no matter what reasons he had.

when i'm talking about effects people's actions have had on c!dream, i'm not talking about those people. i'm talking about him. :) /lh

as for the trauma, a lot of people agree that a lot of the things he says or does are trauma responses, and hence it's very possible that he's had trauma before he went into prison!

this includes being repeatedly called a tyrant via propaganda by about half of your friends who decided to betray you, trying to keep peace and being pushed deeper into villainy instead, repeatedly being put in between a rock and a hard place in order to make sure the people you care about don't start killing each other, then being betrayed by your closest friends after merely trying to keep peace (sapnap & george) and just in general having no control over your life or image and grasping at straws to gain it back.

i know a lot of people with trauma who heavily relate to certain trauma responses, which aren't always just shaky breaths and flashbacks, but trauma often also manifests itself in extremely ugly and destructive ways, both inwardly and outwardly.

trying to control the people around you is also very often a response to going through trauma, as well as emotional repression which is... rather evident on c!dream during season two. it only seems to get worse with repeated abandonment.

in the end, during the vault scene, the way he acts really just isn't at all the way a healthy person would act, and a lot of his really bad mindsets come from the way he was taught by the world around him.

the character is very reserved however, and since we don't have his pov we can't really say for certain - a lot of people claim it in good faith because they have a lot of evidence for it, and i think they're certainly valid in that.

that is just before the prison, however. from what happened during the prison arc? there is no denying he's traumatized at this point.

he's been emotionally and physically abused by c!sam since the very beginning of being imprisoned, and being in solitary confinement for over two weeks is generally considered psychological (and maybe also physical?) torture. that alone shows up in a lot of symptoms of his mental deterioration while in pandora's during people's visits, and quackity's "sessions" just absolutely drove the point home.

what he's gone through during this arc is absolutely incomparable to anything others charactes have faced before, and it's just plain suffering being endured by someone who is, despite everything, still a human being.

as for the wilbur manipulation thing!! it's talking about the whole vassal scene (though even beforehand a lot of their interactions are pretty iffy), and here's a post about that :]

I also have a small question about the analysis u last reblogged cus it says "why dream needed lmanburg gone rightfully" and like. The house analogy is poor because for one cus the land is infinite. And 2 cus punz's yard was literally larger then lmanburg. And also stuff about dream being a mediator? Can u provide examples?

i wouldn't say it was poor. dream's said a lot of times that he didn't care in the slightest about the land - a lot of his problems with l'manberg arose with the fact that wilbur basically built it on lies and tried to disallow half of the server to come there. c!dream was mad about the division and the fact that wilbur wanted "freedom" to have authority in his lands - over others, as can be seen in this post also.

the table analogy was fitting not because dream was some overlord, but because these were literally friends he invited to hang out and live in a place he wanted to call home. claiming a part of it for yourself and saying people of a certain nationality can't come in is directly opposing those goals.

in the early days of the smp, dream's always been a mediator between his friends - sapnap and george, who would often get into fights and go around killing each other! he would always do his best to stop the conflict, which continued after tommy joined when he took him to court and then later tried to mediate conflicts he was a part of, which resulted in tommy killing him unprovoked, stealing his gear, and starting the disc wars when dream was trying to get his stuff back. later, during pogtopia, he is also most concerned with peace over everything, and this seems to continue indefinitely after.

Today i was thinking about how messed up the final control room was. Like. Dream arranged the betrayal and punz and sapnap killed tommy and tubbo who like. Were literal children and their pals (because the author, wilbur soot, is dead/j but srsly if u take the streamers words tommy said he was 9 during the revolution sooo)

Sorry im gonna ramble about how dumb canon ages are for a second cus like. Streamers can say the characters are one way or another (wilbur saying he is mentally 30-something, etc.) But in the end the characters act like they(or at least their streaming personas) do.

i... honestly don't find it that bad? they were in a war, and the final control room was basically just supposed to end it quicker. the l'manbergians made it clear they were going to fight to the death, so they really left c!dream no other choice. and it's not like he didn't give them chances to give up.

also yeah the 9 year old thing was retconned, because in that case c!dream would've been 14 and i don't think that's true.

c!tommy and c!dream were both young and once again, in a war. the final control room was an attempt to assure victory, which both sides would've taken if possible, but only c!dream saw he had the option.

i do agree the whole child soldier thing was bad but... complain about that to c!wilbur, methinks. he talked naive kids into fighting for his personal power. however, the age argument isn't really valid either way. they had enough agency to sign up for it, and whether or not c!wilbur pushing the intense nationalism onto them had something to do with that is another debate entirely.

Bacl to final control room cus like??? Also fun fact punz took 2 of wilbur's canon lives. And like that probably is what started wilbur's paranoia which later lead to his spiral and i. Many thoughts full of lmanburg today.

i'm pretty sure cc!wilbur said what lead to c!wilbur's spiral was a "dark, twister view of possessions" and "disregard for his fellow citizen whom he claimed to love so much", but i really wouldn't say it was the control room; if anything the sudden loss of power after the elections seems to me like the trigger for his spiral.

I watched the exile arc live and. I feel dirty almost for feeling little to no sympathy for c!dream (srry ive been forgetting to add that aa) because of his actions toward c!tommy and like. The whole probation was so humiliating and unfair and c!dream was planning to frame him for the crimes he and puffy did under the the guise of "pranks" and c!quackity was planning to seize the vice president role.

i mean... to be fair, if you didn't watch the prison arc much yet or only watch tommy's perspective i understand not feeling that sympathetic - however, i encourage you to maybe watch a few prison visits, since they could help you see the whole picture better!

i also watched it live, and i also thought it was terrible, but i share very much the same sentiment for the prison arc because. absolutely no one should have to go through either of those things, you know?

i don't think probation was that humiliating? he was just. being asked to not start conflict with the other factions for two weeks. of course, what happened as a result is in no way justified, but i don't think probation itself would've been bad at all. either way yeah the framing and c!quackity's behaviour was. very yikes, i agree.

Also c!tommy antis are dumb because they say "he deserved exile angry emoji" i dont see u saying that about ranboo. Just say you hate cc!tommy and go. Also people say c!tommy was just as toxic to c!dream and i??? No. One is the victim and one is the abuser and like. :/// man. This part is rambly srry

i wouldn't say they hate cc!tommy? cc!tommy has a persona who people think is annoying at first ( but then they subscribe because he is super entertaining big man! ) but a lot of c!tommy's actions are straight up toxic to certain characters, such as c!funndy and c!jack. he has a very dismissive attitude towards others and their trauma and it does affect the people around them very negatively.

examples; his repeated bullying and behavior towards fundy:

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

......

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

( credit for transcript: @/findingjoynweirdstuff )

he's also responsible for a big chunk of c!jack's trauma, both with actions and words, and that's why i think certain people might dislike the character, and i don't think that's wrong of them. anyone can dislike any character they want if they don't attack people for liking them, in my opinion.

also c!tommy was most definitely toxic against c!dream in the cell. it's of course understandable but that doesn't change the fact he was constantly hitting and insulting him (without dream doing anything back for a long while until he snapped) which is toxic behaviour.

i wouldn't say he was "just as" though, so i agree with you on that. they're different and they behave differently.

i made a dream blob keychain today. Is it possible to send images if u wanna see? Idk cus i havent used tumblr before. I think that's all for now. Thx for letting me talk :D peepoShy -curious anon (but fr a connoreatspants c!dream redemption arc would be cool)

yooo that's cool! i don't really,,, know if it's possible to send images? try it out and if it isn't i'll try find a way to turn it on.

also, no problem! just please remember this is a c!dream sympathetic blog, and me as well as my followers are uhh,, oftentimes emotionally attached / personally relate to the character, so if you could avoid sending hate on the character (not that you have or that i expect you to, just a friendly reminder) in the asks that would be great! we already see a lot of it unwillingly so, i'd rather not see more, but as long as the discussion is civil i'm absolutely ok with you asking more and with me answering more questions if you'd want to! :)

if anyone else would like to reblog this and add some things i might've missed with my answers, feel free to, just go easy on her (she uses she/her pronouns!) and keep it factual.

i hope u had a good or at least ok time at school today :D

thanks! i gtg now because exam tomorrow but i'm going to try write the redemption essay tomorrow as well because ohhh boy i have a lot of ideas about what all i could write around the concept.

also sorry this was long, i can't keep my tongue on the leash :[

[vices-aand-virtues]

As we make our way into the final episodes of Younger, I have some Thoughts™️

1. I have seen a lot of talk about how Liza would be better off alone than with Charles because then she is right back where she started when the series begins. Though likely is part of her thought process, this is incorrect for a couple of reasons. First, Liza is in a completely different place in her life than she was when we first met her. She has a fabulous career in publishing and, even when they’re not together, the support of Charles. She doesn’t have a baby at home to take care of; Charles’s daughters are old enough to be relatively self-sufficient in terms of not needing someone to watch over them all the time. Then we have to look at all of this together and realize this, the second point: Liza didn’t think she could + wasn’t allowed to have both a career and a family most of her life. Now she has seen that she not only can do it, she’s great at it. She is extremely successful and loves her work, but still has time for her daughter and form/maintain a solid relationship with Nicole and Bianca. She still makes time for the things that are important to her outside of work. She gave up part of herself to stay at home and be just a wife and just a mom for almost two decades. Then she gave up some of herself to maintain her lie. Now she’s thriving at work and fully and openly herself for the first time in YEARS. For to have a brilliant career with more to come AND a wonderful partner/husband/whatever is a WONDERFUL resolution for her based on where she started.

2. To have this much Liza/Charles tension and back and forth and more “will they won’t they” AGAIN, after waiting 5 seasons for them to get together, just over one full season of them actually together, only for them not to end up together is absurd and makes no sense. Liza has had this entire season to accept that she and Charles are donezo and move on, but she hasn’t, and not for lack of trying. It’s more clear every episode how drawn to one another they are despite themselves. To put them through all that for a contrived “girl power” ending would be a huge disservice to the characters and the show.

3. Speaking of, I’m exhausted by “girl power” endings of late because they’re inorganic and forced. It’s supposed to come across as empowering for a woman to choose her career over love or a relationship, but it’s actually just a sexist take from the opposite end of the spectrum. Women can have both!! We are 20 years into the 21st century!! A woman can PRIORITIZE her career over romantic entanglements, but women don’t — and shouldn’t!! — have to choose at this point. We already know that Liza isn’t defined by her relationship to a man. We know she is a strong woman who isn’t afraid to ask for + take + go after what she deserves. I don’t need to see her choose her career because she is already thriving! She does not have to be alone for X number of years so she can get her career on track. It’s there. She’s on the journey. What would benefit her most would be something she hasn’t had before — a steady and fully supportive long-term partner. Imagine what it would be like for her to finally be married or lifelong committed to someone she is wildly in love with, who is wildly in love with her, who also fully supports her career, is her biggest cheerleader, who believes in her and sees her talents more clearly than anyone else. Hello!!

4. Liza is clearly still very in love with Charles and vice versa. In the past, when her relationships have ended, the desire to get back together was pretty one-sided. It wasn’t, like, super easy for her to get over, but she made peace with it and moved on. That has yet to happen. She just can’t let Charles go completely. She is trying to be supportive of his relationship and assures him she just wants him to be happy, but we have heard her say more than once that she is still in love with him, and her actions are pretty indicative of that as well.

5. Until S7, Charles has always chosen Liza. Even given the current circumstances, he still keeps choosing her in a different way. He knows she is on his side. He knows she is great at her job. He knows she supports him. No matter their relationship status, he knows those things to be true. That’s why he always takes her up on any offers she makes to him in S7 — because he knows who she is. He chooses her to be his work partner or support system or his sounding board. And she allows herself to be chosen; she ASKS to be chosen. He doesn’t have to accept and she doesn’t have to offer, but they do it anyway. It’s a conscious daily choice they continue to make.

6. Charles would never in a million years marry Quinn because she wouldn’t be a good stepmother to his daughters. We may have seen ~some~ dimension from Quinn, but ultimately she’s a ruthless, manipulative, conniving snake. She’s fake and primarily has a “what’s in it for me” attitude. There’s no way Charles would want that to be the example his daughters live with, and honestly I don’t think Pauline would even allow it. If he thought Liza’s baggage created complications for his custody, I cannot even imagine the turmoil Quinn would cause. Quinn is a loose cannon. Pauline is a little bit of a bitch when it comes to Liza, but she’s smart enough to know/see who Quinn really is, and with Liza, it’s at least “the devil you know.”

7. It would be completely nonsensical for Charles and Quinn to get married/end up together because a) we barely know her and b) he was just proposing to Liza. From both a logical and writing standpoint, it doesn’t make sense. It would be some piss poor storytelling for that to happen. On the flip side, it would make sense for Josh to end up with Clare, a late-entry side character, because we have known her longer and know they have a history. The same can’t be said about Charles and Quinn. If Quinn hadn’t become so involved with Empirical, if she had just been another author, her relationship with Charles would be about as meaningful as his relationship with Rhada. But since we see her through Liza’s eyes and we see her be an annoying presence at Empirical post-Charliza split, it seems like a bigger deal than it actually is.

8. Putting her back with Josh at this point would be a worse ending than Game of Thrones. It would be a twist that came out of nowhere that writers would justify by saying the signs were there all along. Liza more than once has made clear that she has chosen Charles over Josh. She has showed us that’s the case. For her to suddenly have an epiphany with two episodes left, especially considering how little shared screen time they have, would be total fanservice and a complete regression from all the growth they BOTH have had. It’s also, like, not fair to Josh to keep waiting on her and hoping she will come back? He deserves some reciprocity and stability too?

9. We have seen only the benefits when it comes to Charles being impulsive in matters of the heart...until now. I totally understand his heartache at her counter proposal and I, personally, think she’s being stupid. But regardless, I think for him to just walk away from their relationship at that point was a pretty knee-jerk reaction that he didn’t think through. And I think his pride is a little hurt over his perception of her not WANTING to marry him, so instead of trying to work it out or compromise, he’s digging his heels in. He jumped into a relationship with Quinn, which was clearly impulsive. Rational, level-headed Charles would not have done that. In fact, he laughs off the suggestion of it in S5 and says the iconic, “divorced moms from Jersey are more my style.” I believe cooler heads will prevail.

10. I REFUSE TO BE VICTIM TO ANOTHER SHIP WHOSE TENSION AND FEELINGS WERE TEASED AND BUILT UP OVER 5 SEASONS ONLY FOR THEM TO BREAK UP OVER SOMETHING STUPID AFTER ONE AND A HALf SEASON AS A COUPLE AND THEN GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! I WILL NOT!!

Anyway Team Charles 4 Lyfe. Here’s hoping these idiots in love stop being idiots and start being just IN LOVE.

[flying-nightwing]

Damn Him

Hi, this is average af but I needed to post something. You’ll probably be disappointed lmao. Anyway, enjoy some Dick Grayson content!

More on my masterlist, pinned as a top post!

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader

Word count: 4798

Warnings: None

Summary: Dick Grayson never seems to say the right thing around you, and it’s not quite for the reason you initially thought

You looked up from your book when your cellphone vibrated on your desk beside you. You were in the midst of studying for your last exam of the semester, so you had your phone on a strict do not disturb schedule, which meant it remained on 24/7. Your notifications were blocked for any social media, text or calls you might receive, well, except for your one emergency contact: Bruce Wayne. He knew he was supposed to contact you only if he had no other choice but ask for your help, and never had he even used that card ever since you knew him. Reluctantly, you put down you book and marker to switch them for your phone. Turning on the screen, you ignored the various hidden notifications, focusing only on the single line that stared back at you.

Call me when you can - B.

Sighing, you unlocked your phone and pressed the contact name, then the phone icon next to it. It rang twice before Bruce picked up.

"(Y/N), how are you?"

"A bit stressed out, but it could be worse" You replied truthfully. "What's up?"

"I hope you know I wouldn't do this if I had any other solution" He began. "But I need your help on a recon mission, almost all my effective got busted last night"

"Oh my, are they okay?" You frowned with concern, even if he couldn't see you.

"Yes, don't worry" He said, "I'll explain in person, that is if you agree to come. I'd understand if you refused, though"

You rubbed the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes for a second. You owed a lot to Bruce, and since it was a simple recon stakeout, you could take one or two nights off to help him out. You were already ahead of schedule in your studying and confident in your knowledge of the material.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there" You finally answered. "What time do you want me over?"

"As soon as you can"

"Aight, see ya"

You hung up the phone and put it back on your desk, observing it for a second. It had been gifted to you by Bruce after you began going on missions more regularly with the batlings, he said that way he knew for sure all communications would be secure and sheltered from hacking or government surveillance. You had to admit, having an encrypted phone was pretty neat, as it ran entirely on Wayne Enterprises servers and networks. The simple thought of not having to suffer through youtube ads was satisfactory enough on its own to justify the need for it, even if you didn't join missions as much as you used to.

You finally stood up and went to change from your yoga pants and loose tank top to black jeans and a sweater, then jumped in your car and drove to the manor. You punched in your code at the gate and took the right to the garages, where you entered a second code to open the doors. Your car was several notches under those parked there, but you had to have something less flashy as not to attract too much attention. Still, it was more than a majority of college students even had. You had to thank Bruce for that too. He wasn't your adopted father per say, since he found you a few days before your eighteenth birthday, but he still acted like a guardian and mentor for you.

You jogged down to the batcave, where you instantly spotted a chatty blonde sprawled in a seat, making wild gesture. She sprung up straight at the sound of you coming in and her face split in a wide grin. She jumped on her feet and skipped toward you.

"Hey giiiiirl" She drawled out excitedly. "Long time no see!"

"Hey Steph" You chuckled, going for the hug. "Sorry I didn't call, I have no excuses"

"Don't worry about it" She waved off with an airy laugh. She knew how busy school kept you, and how you kind of wanted to separate yourself fromthe vigilante life. "I'm just glad you're here"

"So am I" Bruce called from the computers. He gave you a subtle smile, and you nodded back to him. "It seems like we're in a bit of an impasse here"

You didn't miss the quick glare he sent to Tim and Steph, who sheepishly avoided looking back at him. It didn't seem too serious though, or the air would have drastically changed.

"Before he says anything, know it wasn't our fault" Steph hurried to say.

"We were totally ambushed by Vicky Vale" Tim nodded along."No idea what she did there, but she was, and she saw right through our disguises.We had to bolt before she exposed us"

You frowned in confusion. "Okay can someone tell me what is going on here?"

"Tim and Steph were supposed to go undercover and cozy up with the high leaders of what I have suspicions on good authority are transiting premium grade opium into the US and Europe, and are close partners to Count Vertigo" Bruce began, already exhausted. "But as they said, Vicky Vale was somehow invited to the banquet and singled them out immediately before they could get even near the big guys"

"My magnificent blond mane attracts way too much attention, I'm afraid" Steph sighed sadly, making you chuckle. "It's a curse, babes. I tell ya"

"Keep telling yourself that, Stephi" A new voice came from the top of the stairs. You both wanted suddenly to go back to your books as a big part of why you barely tag along on missions anymore skipped down the stairs. Damn Dick Grayson, damn him. "We all know covert missions are not your strong point"

"I'm gonna kill you in your sleep, Grayson" She smiled sweetly at him.

"No, because you suck at being subtle" He returned the grin, just as sweetly if not more. He ruffled her hair as he passed by. "What's up Timbo"

He hummed something unintelligible, flipping his brother off. Dick laughed, then almost added something when he finally noticed you. His laughter died down and his eyes widened, and suddenly he looked uncomfortable. "Oh, you're here"

"So it seems" You replied as flatly as he spoke. It wasn't new, you had never known how to act around each other. Did you hate him? Of course not, you had absolutely no reason to. Did you consider him your friend? Hard to say. All you knew was that any and every encounter you had with Dick Grayson was awkward. You got along with Tim just fine, and even Jason when he was still around. You loved Cass and Duke, and you even managed to get on Dami's good side, or most of the time anyway. But Dick remained a mystery to you, one that had eluded you for years now. You didn't understand a single thing about that boy, and you doubted you ever would. You've had conversations before, loads of them, and you had no doubt he would make an amazing friend, but you couldn't seem to get past the stage of acquaintances.

Which was frankly disappointing, because you had been instantly attracted by his charms and easygoing nature when you first met. You had been drawn to him, and you couldn't try and pretend you hadn't pinned after him for the longest time. But you hit a wall when his behaviour began changing wildly around you, right around the time you slipped flirts every now and then to let him know that you were into him. Right now, you were just really over his poor attempts at pretending he never noticed it happen.

"So" Bruce spoke up, breaking the tension that had suddenly arisen in the cave. "Tomorrow night we'll have a new opening to try and get to them, hopefully without interruption this time. I've taken a look at the list, and no reporter was on it. We should be good"

"But Tim and Steph already got busted" You pointed out. "They'll know something is up if they show up again"

"That's why they will be seen at the Gotham Charity Auction at the museum" He explained, meeting your eyes. "That's why I called you up. You'll be going undercover with Dick as husband and wife"

"What?" Dick coughed almost immediately. "We're not–" He laughed nervously. "Us? As a married couple? This is ridiculous"

Your head turned sharply toward him, your eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Wow, thanks a lot for the vote of confidence" You snapped. "I didn't know being my fake husband was such a terrible perspective"

"No– Wait– That's not–" He stuttered, his eyes wide. "I didn't mean it that way"

"Sure" You rolled your eyes, before turning to Bruce again. He had an unreadable expression on his face, more unreadable than usually anyway. Tim and Steph stood there in stunned silence, not daring to speak up. "What's the briefing?"

Bruce glanced in between you and Dick, before looking back at you again. "Félix Lachance and Stella Gustavsson, they're the one you need to befriend. Since you're not known to the public, it'll be easier for Dick to pass under the radar and not cause an incident like last time"

"We get it, B" Tim muttered under his breath as Bruce passed you the files with the pictures.

"I need you to retrieve any information you can" He continued, ignoring Tim's comment. "Names of business partners, location of transactions, dates, anything, you know the gig. Your occupation and alias if you want one will be at your discretion, I trust you can deal with that. As always you need to be extremely careful as not to alert them, because this is our last chance to get the critical Intel we need to take this down. So I'll need you at your A game, both of you"

This was a warning and you knew it. He let you know more or less subtly to put aside whatever was happening between you and behave like adults. You straightened your back and took a deep breath, getting your head in the right mindset.

"Alright, I'll be ready for tomorrow night" You nodded as you gathered the files. "Can I stay over tonight? There is no point in trying to study now"

"You don't need to ask, (Y/N), you're always welcome here" Bruce said, a hint of fondness in his voice. He always liked having you around, he said your presence tamed the boys. You nodded and made your way upstairs, finding the room you claimed as your own for about a year, and the same you always came back to when you stayed the night.

You went to the drawers, fishing out old training clothes you had left behind. You weren't sure all those were yours, they were probably mixed with pieces you stole from Steph and Cass. In return, they probably did also steal from your drawer occasionally, balancing it all out. You were about to change into something comfy for bed when a soft knock at your door caught your attention. You walked to it and tentatively opening the door, your expression flattening when you saw how it was.

"Yes?"

"Hey um" Dick scratched the back of his neck. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it came out that way. I just meant that it would be, you know, weird"

You stared at him blankly. "You're not helping your case here, Dick"

"Shit, that's not what I mean either!" He hurried to say, realizing his mistake. But you were already closing the door. "Please (Y/N)–"

"Get some rest Dick" You said as you pushed the door closed. You sighed and shook your head before adding in a whisper, "God knows we'll need it"

------

You had done covert missions before, but this was the first time you were operating in such conditions. You finished retouching your hair, staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering whether or not it was more expensive than your total life income. The floor length champagne coloured dress was stunning, tailored to your form and just sparkly enough to let you shine through the design. You suspected the shoes were made especially to fit with the dress, as they resembled its lace and belt colour. You were sporting on top of that a heavy diamond necklace with matching earrings, proving the general high cost of the outfit. Your comm was carefully tucked in your ear, functional and well hidden.

"Oh my my" Steph whistled lowly. "If I wasn't dating Timbers I would date you"

You laughed. "This is the outfit talking. You haven't seen me tired and puffy in sweatpants just yet"

"Grump, just take the damn compliment" She playfully poked your exposed shoulder.

"Alright alright, thanks" You rolled your eyes. "Since it's gonna be the only one coming from this household anyway"

Steph wiggled her eyebrows. "Wouldn't be so sure about that" She said in a sing-song voice. "Your fake boyfriend may have some thoughts too"

"Ha" You snorted, walking out of your room with her following at your side. "It's good, that you're wishful thinking. The boy can't seem to talk to me without insulting me lately"

"Trust me, he won't be able to resist to this bombshell" She gestured at your form. "Dick's a people pleaser, and looking like a whole five course meal like that, you sure are easy to please if you want my opinion"

You shook your head, a small grin on your face. Steph had always been your favourite for a reason. She knew how you felt about Dick, but she never meddled. Well, not more than she typically would anyway, and not enough to cross your boundaries. And even then, she had no explanation either for his behaviour. You finally reached the foyer, where Bruce was dressed casually, sleeves rolled up and without a tie, talking to an all dressed up Dick, his hair now dark red and with almost black contact lenses. Your heels clicking on the stairs was what snapped their attention to you; Bruce nodding at his choice of dress for you, and Dick, his mouth slightly agape. You felt Steph gently but excitedly elbowing your ribs.

"Ah, (Y/N), there you are" Bruce said. "I'm glad to see the dress fits well"

"Yeah" Dick tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "You look okay"

You blinked in disbelief as you heard Steph's facepalm behind you. You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose, while Bruce shook his head slightly at his son.

"Yikes" Tim made his presence known. You shared this one word mood immensely right about now. "Way to go D"

Dick cleared his throat, trying to push back the embarrassment blush creeping up his cheeks. "Uh, shall we go?"

"That would be preferable, yes" Bruce replied, making Steph choke and cover he laughter with a cough. The way he said it was clearly meant to be a jab to his son's tactless attitude. "Be careful"

"Of course" You smiled tightly and all but dragged Dick outside. You'd take one of Bruce's luxury car to get there, and it was already waiting in the driveway. Dick pressed the door button and slowly, they lifted up to let you in. You slid in the passenger seat without waiting for Dick's help and you kept your eyes on the windshield in from of you as he began to drive. The ride was silent until he decided to speak again, tentatively.

"It's nice to see you all dressed up, for once" He said, still clearly not thinking of his choice of words more carefully. "It's different. A good different!"

For once? Was he serious?

You audibly sighed. "I'm begging you to just stop talking"

"What?" He objected, confused. "What did I say wrong this time– Oh"

"Yeah" You replied, your tone clipped and dry.

"I'm an idiot" He mumbled under his breath. That you could agree on, but you didn't voice it out loud.

He couldn't pull into the driveway fast enough. You slipped on your fake engagement ring as Dick stopped in front of the awaiting valet, doing himself the same thing. You both had a recording device slipped in your clothes, and the ring allowed you to turn it on and off at will, as well as the comm in your ear. You turned both off for the awaiting scan at the entrance, as not to emit detectable frequencies.

"Ready?" He asked, and you gave him a firm nod. He got out first and rounded the car, opening your door for you as he would be expected to by this particular crowd. You took his offered hand to climb out and linked your arm to his as he gave the keys to the valet in exchange for a ticket. He left a tip before you walked inside, registering to the guest list. You passed the security checkpoint without a hassle and found yourself in the hall where the auction was held. You turned on your comm and recording device again.

"Recon first, then regroup?" You suggested in a mutter as you were both visually scanning the room.

"Yep" He replied shortly. "B, copy?"

"Crystal clear" 

"Good. Let's go"

While Dick headed to the bar, you opted for the art collection on display, pretending to scout for potential pieces to bid on. But your eyes weren't on the expensive paintings and statues, but moved around the room to spot some VIP lounge or area where the big shots might hang out at. There was a room where attendees came and went, but you shrugged it off as there wasn't enough security for the profile you were searching for. You paused your recon for small talk here and there, and you were in the middle of a casual chat about painted landscapes with an older gentleman when Dick rejoined your side, handing you a drink.

"There you are honey" He smiled sweetly, his unusually dark brown eyes reflecting the light from the chandelier.

"Joey, my love, allow me to introduce you to Sir Fernand Bretworth of Essex" His alias flew out of your mouth naturally, then you took a small sip of your drink. Non alcoholic, nice thinking. "We were discussing impressionism and its influence on modern art"

You wanted to smirk at the clueless look Dick gave you. He was a prodigy in a lot of things, but art wasn't one. It was more Damian's thing, or Tim's if he tried hard enough, but definitely not Dick's. Take that now. 

"Ah, yes..." He replied slowly. "Fascinating indeed"

"Alright" You let out a small, cover up laugh as your hand rested on his bicep. "My husband has little interest in art, my apologies"

"No offence taken" He chuckled. "I'll leave you two, my wife must be looking for me. An old fool like me gets easily distracted!"

You laughed along with him until he was out of earshot. Then you dropped your hand and turned to him. "Noticed anything?"

"Yeah, there is a guarded room with special access" He said as you walked deeper into the crowd not to look suspicious. "Only owned of a special pass can go in, and the guards are very thorough"

"Great" You breathed. "Now let's hope out lovebirds will come out to mingle"

"As it turns out..." He trailed off, and instinctively, you began turning your head toward where his gaze lead. He immediately redirected your head back to him with a firm, but gentle touch on your cheek. His hand remained there for about three seconds longer than necessary, until he realized what he did and retracted his arm. You could have almost enjoyed it if he didn't look like he was touched by literal fire. "Don't look"

"Sorry" You mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

"... They got out, they're talking to people" He informed you, ignoring what just went down. "You go for Stella, I'll take Felix. Remember, friendly but not suspicious. Sweet talk your way into spilling the beans"

"I know" You bit back, your voice low. "Not my first mission, remember? I know what to do"

"I was just reminding you"

"Yeah, I got that" You scoffed. "If you don't trust me, just say so, it'll save you trouble of babying me"

"Come on, that's not–"

He began arguing, but you walked away before you could slip up and say his real name. It would give him one more reason to come down on you like you were a beginner in need of guidance. You were rusty, not stupid. You didn't need him insulting your undercover talents as well. You stopped in front of a beautiful emerald necklace that had a start bid of ten millions dollars and took a long sip of your drink, now kind of bummed it was non alcoholic. But that very detail was probably why you felt a presence approaching you from behind, giving you a few seconds to compose yourself and sweep your frustration under the rug.

"Trouble in paradise?"

You turned around, surprised. It looked like the voice made you jump, when it was in fact the nature of the question that threw you off, as well as the person who had spoken. Before you could ask, the Stella Gustavsson smiled warmly and nodded to where Dick had been seconds earlier.

"I saw what happened" She began, and your heart skipped a beat, hoping she hadn't overheard. "Those frustrated hands gesture are all too familiar. What did he do?"

You relaxed slightly, for now. "We've been having trouble lately, well, more than usually" You explained with a little complicit cock of your head. She seemed to get it. You, on the other hand, knew Dick was hearing everything on his comm, so you decided to go for it. "He's acting... Weird. Can't seem to talk to me without irritating me, whether on purpose or not. I'm sorry, I'm venting to a stranger, I can't imagine how it must look look like.

"Don't worry about it dear, I asked" She winked, extending her hand. "I'm Stella"

"Aleka" You shook her hand.

"Your dress is stunning, by the way!" She exclaimed. "Which designer?”

You froze for a second before shrugging. "No idea, my designer got it for me" You brushed off. "As long as it looks good, I don't care where it comes from"

"Amen" She said, taking a sip of her champagne. "Although, I need to know the name of your designer. They have amazing taste, and I'm looking for a new one for myself"

Oh shit.

"It's B" You replied instantly.

"Bee?"

"Yeah" You nodded, and she looked at you incredulously. "I mean, that's what we all call him. I'm sure he has a name, but I pay him to dress me, not to know his personal life"

"Harsh, (Y/N)" Bruce said in your ear, and you remembered he had been listening to everything. "But nice save"

She laughed, unaware of the comments from Batman himself. "That is very true. How have I not met you before? I feel we have a lot in common"

"I sincerely have no idea" You replied, adding a little gasp of disbelief.

"You're different from this crowd, I can feel it" She kept going on as you started walking side by side in the exposition room. "Everyone here only cares about petty, trivial things. You have a head on your shoulders, you're smart. Too bad your man can't seem to see what's in front of him"

You sighed in agreement to hide the fist pump of victory that threatened to come up. Just like that, you had won Stella over. "I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to talk to him, but it just makes it worse"

"But have you tried to make him jealous?" She suggested with a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised. "There are plenty of young men around, or older bachelors if you're into that. Flirt with them, make sure he sees you, he'll come running, take my word"

"It won't work, he's not–" Even my boyfriend, you were about to say, but you saved your fall just on time. Still, you could practically see Dick's glare in the back of your head at the almost slip up. "Jealous. He's not a jealous man, he's very confident and secure"

"What a shame" She drawled out, going for her champagne again. "Here's what you can do then. Go to him, take him by the neck and french kiss him like there is no tomorrow”

You choked on your saliva as she watched you with a mischievous grin. "Excuse me?"

"It's guaranteed to work, darling" She lifted her shoulder in an elegant shrug. "Then you hold him off. You'll thank me later tonight when you're back at home, just wait and see"

You were about to argue some more, but her insisting stare told you she wasn't just going to let it go. So you scanned the crowd for Dick, spotting him casually excusing himself from a conversation group, going for a refill at the bar. You reached him and grabbed him by the elbow, bringing him face to face with you. You made sure your back was to Stella before beginning to explain the situation.

"I heard" He told you in a mutter, making sure his lips were unreadable under Stella's stare from the distance.

"Then you know what she expects" You sighed, slipping your hands behind his neck. "It doesn't have to be deep, just convincing. Can you do this without grimacing?"

You thought he would stumble into some weak apology, or say something clever. He did neither, instead dived straight for your lips so quickly it was you who was taken by surprise. Naturally, all you could do is kiss him back and try to keep up with him. At some point you thought he would break off, but you weren't prepared for him to actually deepen the kiss. He wasn't letting you go, and it made you dizzy in all the best ways. Let's say you were thankful for his arm around your waist right about now. Finally, you still had to breathe, so you parted reluctantly.

"What was that for?" You asked, your eyes still dazed.

"An apology for irritating you unintentionally" He grinned boyishly, for probably the first time ever directed at you. "I'm an idiot"

"Can confirm" You replied, bringing him down on your lips again. This time, it was a bit shorter, but the spark was still very much present. "You should have done this a long time ago"

"I know" He nodded, his head slightly down and his puppy dog eyes shining even underneath the dark contact lenses. "You're a bit intimidating, I didn't know how to act"

You let out a loud laugh at his confession. "You're kidding"

He pouted.

"Me?" You repeated. "But you're– You're you!"

"Well, duh" He chuckled. "You've got me all tangled in here," He pointed at his chest. "Made me nervous all the time"

You melted just a little bit at his little display, before remembering doing this was a specialty of his. You were just not used to be on the receiving end of it. "You're lucky you're cute, and that I'm already sold on you"

The bright grin returned.

"As heartwarming as this moment is, please focus on the task at hand" Bruce's stern voice echoed in your head, and you were suddenly reminded your conversation had been integrally transmitted to him.

"Right, sorry" Dick apologized sheepishly.

"See, I told you"

This time, you were taken by surprise by Stella walking on you. Even Bruce's intervention hadn't quite brought you back to reality. Damn Dick Grayson, damn him. You turned around, trying to hide your flustered state and instead focusing on the tall gentleman at her side. Must be Felix Lachance, you thought.

"It works every time" She added, sipping from a new glass of champagne.

"You were right" You let out an airy laugh. "Stella, this is my husband Joey Moore. Joey, this is my new friend Stella"

They shook hands before she introduced her husband to the both of you. You already knew his name, but you both pretended you didn't for the sake of your covers.

"Nice to meet you two" Félix smiled politely.

"Hey, would you like to go for a drink after this?" Stella asked. "I sure would like to get to know you two better"

Dick and you exchanged a glance, knowing you had locked the target. Acquiring intel from now on would only be a piece of cake, the base was laid for further actions. You smiled, returning your glance to Stella.

"That would be absolutely lovely"

[nahimjustaworm]

BakuDeku Titanic AU

the moon is on fire

Chapter One | balance yourself like a bird on a beam

Author: WorminaWall on AO3

He took a step out of the car, thankful to finally be out of that god awful cramped space. The trip had seemed far too long, and any time he spent stuck with his mother was always a test of his willpower. Though, he supposed that this next week he would yet again be stuck with her without anywhere to run- while having to play nice with the other rich pricks they were traveling with. Dinners, small talk, people trying to get chummy with him. He would’ve had more motivation to be more civil if the end of the trip meant the end of dealing with all these assholes. Instead, this was just the beginning of his misery. A tease of sorts- the preview into the rest of his life.

Without bothering to see if Eijiro was following, he began to walk towards the ship. The excitement buzzing around him sounded like wasps in his ears. All the hustle and bustle just irritated him more and the hulking mass of this supposed “luxury” appeared to him as nothing more than a holding cell. It leered over him, a mere prison here to escort him back to America where he’d play the pawn until he died.

“Sir, wait!” He ignored the call, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, wishing that he could just pop off the first couple of buttons. Why did it have to be so tight? “Sir!”

He huffed out a sigh. Ever since he had finished up university he hadn’t gone a single day without someone needing something from him, constantly asking him questions and bothering his peace (or what little peace was afforded to him).

“Make sure the bags make it to the room.” He called behind his shoulder and continued walking on.

“You wouldn’t dare walk away from your mother, would you?” He stopped again upon hearing her voice, fisting his hands at his side. “Or your fiance?”

He inhaled deeply, trying to swallow down a curse. He needed a drink- badly. Not trusting himself to reply civilly, he turned around completely and made his way to the side of the carriage, extending his hand to assist his mother out despite knowing full well she could get out of the damn car by herself.

“Be nice,” she whispered sternly as she made her way down the step, gripping firmly at his arm, “and behave yourself. Go escort her into the ship.”

He clenched his jaw and stood still for a moment before walking to the car behind them, not bothering with a reply. Do this, do that, don’t say this, don’t act like that. Every fucking day. A damn nightmare.

“Himiko,” he said as politely as possible as he opened the door for her, though it was hard to sound polite through gritted teeth. At this point, it was to be expected from him, and she chose to ignore it as she hooked her arm through his. “Eijiro will make sure your belongings are brought to your room.”

“No need,” she said, waving her free hand. “Jin has them.”

Of course. Though he was quite indifferent to Jin, he couldn’t help but hope the poor bastard would be left behind. He was getting sick of nosey people coming up to him and making snide remarks about his fiance’s butler. Honestly, he couldn’t give two shits if she was being “unfaithful” to him- in fact he was thankful that she was distracted half of the time with his company- but constantly hearing about how inappropriate it was or how he shouldn’t allow her to spend so much time with him grated on his nerves. He didn’t give two shits about what she did behind his back.

They boarded the ship with ease, making their way to the stateroom quickly. It was only a matter of time before his mother forced him to go to lunch with the other pompous bastards, and he needed a whiskey.

“You certainly drink a lot,” Himiko said as he began pouring his second glass. He wasn’t enthusiastic about sharing a stateroom with her, though he supposed it was better than sharing with his mother. Either way, he was going to have to figure out how to avoid the both of them as much as possible despite, not having many places to hide on this godforsaken ship.

“Think of it as celebrating,” he said dryly. “When I get back I’ll be the new CEO of the company.”

“And married,” she chirped, grinning at him. He avoided looking at her, and instead gave a short nod, acknowledging her words. He downed the drink in one go, just in time for his mother to walk in.

“Katsuki, put on your jacket. Time for lunch with the Todorokis.”

The Todorokis were a big name family. Not only was the head of the house powerful, but he was intimidating in both stature and influence. Plus, being the chairman of the damn company that owned the ship they were on, they were filthy rich and thus had a gaggle of people sucking up to them.

But he wasn’t the one to watch out for. Despite his power and all his money he was relatively harmless, as long as you stayed in his good graces. It was his son, Touya, who you needed to keep a watchful eye out for. Known in the underground simply as “Dabi”, he was the guy you could never turn your back on. And it was just Katsuki’s luck that he was a close family friend of the Togas. Both him and his slimy “friend” Shigaraki were close with Himiko, which meant Katsuki had spent more time with them than he had ever wanted. As much as he didn’t like being around Jin, those two were worse. Though no one ever complained about Himiko spending time with them (at least out loud, for fear of retribution) they were far more insufferable to try tolerating. Katsuki wasn’t the rosiest of people out there, but Dabi and Tomura were downright sick.

As much as he didn’t care about Himiko, it was unsettling to know the company she surrounded herself with. Not for the first time he wondered if one of these days she was going to slit his throat as he slept. Maybe after they married. For now he was going to have to sit through another meal and act like he cared about what everyone was saying.

“How are you feeling about taking over the family business?”

Katsuki felt an elbow poke into his side. “What?” he hissed at his mother.

“Mr. Hakamata asked you a question.” She smiled tensely and nodded at the man in question.

“My apologies,” he muttered, earning him another subtle jab into his ribcage. “What was that?”

“How do you feel about taking over the family business?” he repeated. Though his tone of voice was genuinely kind and interested, it still rubbed Katsuki the wrong way.

“Fine,” he replied, trying not to lose his temper. After all, Mr. Hakamata was a loyal customer and a friend of the family and Katsuki wasn’t stupid. But how did everyone expect him to feel about prematurely having to take over his father’s job?

He could feel his mother’s gaze boring holes into the side of his head. Clenching his hand into a fist, he continued. “It’ll be nice returning home. I’m looking forward to partnering with Mr. Toga as we expand our company.”

It was a rehearsed reply, one he had said a dozen times before. He only wished it were true.

“I’m very sorry about your father’s passing, he was a dear friend of mine.”

Katsuki nodded numbly.

“Yes, our condolences as well,” Mr. Todoroki said, though he didn’t seem too mournful.

Soon the conversation shifted to the boat itself. Enji Todoroki and his inflated sense of importance to match his big, obnoxious ship. Katsuki couldn’t deny its luxury, but he wasn’t going to blow smoke up his backside. If anyone was worth any praise it would be Mr. Hakamata who designed the damn thing.

Katsuki poured himself another drink.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough for today?” his mother asked, clearly irritated.

“I don’t have to be in the office for another week,” he replied curtly, raising his glass in a mocking way.

Without missing a beat, Mr. Yagi raised his glass as well.

“I’ll drink to that,” he said with a grin. Katsuki could see from the corner of his eye Todoroki giving the older man a distasteful look. Though he was not fondly spoken of by the other people in their circles, Katsuki didn’t mind him. Especially now.

“If you will all excuse me,” he said as he finished his drink and rose from the table. Giving Himiko the briefest of nods and intentionally not looking at his mother (who was no doubt enraged at his rude departure) he exited the room. He needed a moment to breathe. Though the alcohol made it easier to tolerate everyone’s bull, he was starting to feel overwhelmed.

Upon leaving the room, he beelined it to the edge of the deck. Gripping the railing to steady himself, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply from his nose. Exhale. Okay. That was better. No people to bite his tongue for. No woman nagging in his ear, though maybe it was a good idea to take it easy on the drinking for the rest of the day.

He opened his eyes, finally getting a good look at the seemingly endless expanse of the ocean. Home. He was going home. Not out of choice, but out of obligation. Fucking fantastic.

Scanning the lower deck, his eyes caught a flash of green. What he wasn’t expecting was for it to be looking back at him.

He inhaled sharply, a little caught off guard by the intensity of the person’s gaze. Even from this distance he could see the… quizzical look on his face. Almost as if he was asking with his eyes, Are you okay?

Katsuki shivered, discomforted by this stranger but somehow unable to look away. He narrowed his eyes.

“There you are.” He felt a tap on his shoulder and jerked out of his reverie. “Did I scare you?”

“No,” he grumbled his reply, finally able to tear his gaze away from the strange boy with bright green eyes.

“Your mother would like to go over some wedding plans with us before dinner tonight.” Himiko smiled, sharp and threatening, daring him to make an excuse. “Walk with me?”

He stood still for a moment, wanting to look back to see if that boy was still looking at him. With a minute shake of his head, he dismissed the thought, and silently relenting, he extended his arm out to her.

Read more on AO3 >

[silverwhiteraven]

Borne of the Stars - Chapter 14 - An MLB Kryptonian AU

Tag List:  @eve-valution @weird-pale-blonde-person @kris-pines04 @soulmate-game @abrx2002 @amayakans @vixen-uchiha @heldtogetherbysafetypins @raisuke06 @dorkus-minimus @mopester-is-here @moonlightstar64 @annabellabrookes @toodaloo-kangaroo @the-navistar-carol @elspethshadow @chocolatecatstheron @ivymala07 @maribat-is-lifeblood

[ Summary: Author is Back! The Heroes now meet. They also meet their first Akuma. ]

[ Posted on A03 ] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 13 ] [ Chapter 15 ]

Marinette was falling.

Well, falling as much one could when holding on for dear life to one end of a magical yo-yo that acted as its own weird grappler mixed with a trapeze. Neither of which she had ever used in her life.

First time for everything she supposed, though she also hoped this wouldn’t end with lasts, either.

Speaking of firsts being lasts, she realized her latest upswing was about to turn into a crash course collision with a black clad figure floating in the open air. As she yelled a terrified “ Look out!! ” at the person she didn't know was friend or foe, she really did wish this would be her one and only time her bad aim with a yo-yo ever turned into this situation. She really doubted it, though, but a girl can dream.

She barely saw a flash of blonde hair and green, green eyes turn towards her in shock before they slammed into each other, and fell several meters to a high rooftop below with mutual ‘ oofs ’ and wire wrapped around them. They rolled to a stop, Marinette resting awkwardly atop the other who had her back to the roof.

“I am so so sorry!” Marinette immediately apologized as soon as breath was back in her lungs. “I’m really new at this, I-” She was interrupted and silenced a moment later by a laugh and green, feline eyes looking into her own from below.

“Don’t worry about it, little lady,” the girl clad in black soothed reassuringly, her French accented. “I know a thing or two about knocking everything over when you first start out. I’d make a great practice dummy if you ever need it. Now, let's get out of this- uh…” She looked down, confused, at the string around them as she gave her arms a tug. “Wow, this stuff is stronger than I thought.”

Marinette could just feel the yo-yo string staying firmly tight with every tug, and realized she still had one end of it in her hand. “Oh! Let me just-” One tug, and the yo-yo came zipping around them and back into her hand. She was up in an instant, backing up with a flush of embarrassment on her face. “S-sorry, again, I’ll get better at this soon.”

The other girl just grinned, revealing pointed canines as she stood up as well. “Take your time, I can carry us both for as long as we need until you’re ready.”

A distant rumble caught their attention, and the blonde girl went tense and turned back to Marinette.

“Let’s make these introductions quick. I’m Oncilla the Black Cat,” The girl in black said, a hand over her heart and the other behind her back, taking a rather formal looking bow. “You must be the Ladybug I was told to expect?”

Marinette gaped like a fish for a moment before nodding quickly. “Oh, yes! Ladybug, yeah, you can call me that, not many other options with this costume, huh?” She joked nervously with a glance at her red and black-spotted hoodie.

“It suits you, Buggy,” Oncilla said with a grin, then walked over to the edge of the roof towards where the noise was coming from. Marinette- Ladybug- followed, fidgeting the yo-yo in her hand. “We should get going,” Oncilla added, squinting into the distance. “If there's anything I know, it’s that the damage only gets worse with time.”

“Experienced?” Ladybug asked, looking out over the edge nervously.

“Very. You?”

Ladybug laughed nervously once more. “Only with classroom bullies. This is…”

“Bigger, yeah. But think of it this way,” Oncilla turned to Ladybug and set a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “In a classroom, you're both on equal footing. Out here with villains? The field is bigger, but being Ladybug means your footing is the same, too. And you know what else you have that they don’t?”

“What?” Ladybug asked curiously.

“Back-up,” Oncilla said confidently through a big grin. “Bullies never have many friends, and villains are nothing more than slightly bigger bullies with even bigger heroes to oppose them. Trust me, your Ladyship, we got this. ”

Ladybug’s shoulders relaxed, and a grateful smile spread on her face. “Thank you. Having friends to back you up is always a good choice. Glad to have you as one of mine.”

Oncilla beamed at her. “Let’s head off. I can fly, but since you can’t, I'll stick with you. I've learned my lesson with going in head-first without my team, I won’t be teaching that to you on our first day together.”

“I appreciate it, considering I’m still not used to this yet at all,” Ladybug showed the yo-yo in her hand. “Catch me if I fall again? I don’t think ladybugs land on their feet…”

“‘Course,” Oncilla answered, then pulled a silver staff from behind her back. Not only did she plan to stay by Ladybug, she also seemed to be planning to forego flying so she could keep the same pace. Ladybug appreciated the gesture, and with a toss of her yo-yo and a step off the edge, she was off towards her first ever in-person super-villain, partner close behind.

Their travel wasn't long, though it felt like forever to the poor Ladybug, who was holding any more panicked yells from escaping. She really hoped she would get used to this soon, she really did.

They found their villain near the Eiffel Tower, the large monument clearly being the Akuma’s goal.

“They're trying to get a higher vantage point,” Oncilla fills in as Ladybug notices the Akuma was only floating so high off the ground. One of the Black Cat hero’s feline ears was flicking, cluing the other into Oncilla’s enhanced hearing as well.

As Ladybug turned back to look at the villain, squinting at them, she could have sworn for just a second she heard the Akuma muttering to themself. Maybe she got her hearing enhanced, too, just not as much? She supposed it went along with the themes, really.

“So how do you usually handle this kind of thing?” Ladybug questioned without moving her eyes from the target. She also kept them moving closer, though slower to keep from rushing or alerting the Akuma.

“Observe, strategize, attack, and don’t ever hesitate. Waiting is only good if it lets you get information, otherwise that’s just stalling, and stalling is bad if you don’t want extra collateral damage.” Oncilla was clearly concentrating well on the situation, looking and sounding perfectly in her element. Ladybug felt out of place, but she still held to the hope that she could fill her new role without any classic Marinette-clumsiness getting in the way.

“Observe…” Ladybug mused. “I saw earlier from my own, uh, high places, that all the glowing street parts popping up are a big, connecting map. The roofs of some buildings are even getting marked with icons.”

“Oh, I noticed that too, a... friend pointed it out to me,” Oncilla nodded. “But why turn the whole city into a giant map?”

Ladybug shrugged. “Maybe they got lost, couldn't find a place to ask directions?” She tapped her chin, thinking more. “I also saw a few odd things while I was swinging around. A few miscellaneous places had markers on them, almost like pins in a personal map rather than existing landmarks. They could be caused by the Akuma’s personal interests in those places?”

“Sounds reasonable. But in that case, they already know the layout of the city. Again, why a map ? Maybe...”

“They're tracking something?” Ladybug filled in.

“Exactly!” Oncilla snapped and smiled at her. “Maybe a bit more like a GPS system. Or a treasure hunt. They don't know where the thing they're looking for is, but they know it’s going to be marked on the map. So, they need to get somewhere to be able to see the map best.”

“Like a really tall tower in the middle of a lot of shorter buildings,” Ladybug finished, then looked onward, past the Akuma, to the Tower itself.

“Let’s intercept them at the base,” she suggested, “If we can't stop them there, we can at least follow them up and see where they go from there.”

“Smart,” the other replied. “Let’s go.” And with that, Oncilla was running and pole vaulting towards the Tower, skirting far around the Akuma to avoid notice, Ladybug close behind with her yo-yo.

The two heroes got to the base of the Eiffel Tower before the Akuma did, though not by long. However, the Akuma seemed not to notice them, eyes locked on the upper levels. That is, until a violet glow ringed their mask, and their eyes snapped downward to the duo, before their previously pensive expression warped into a cold sneer.

“The Ladybeetle and Black Cat! You finally arrived!” The Akuma spoke loudly, impatience thick in their tone.

The two dropped into defensive stances at the recognition, Ladybug’s more sloppy and unpracticed than Oncilla’s. Ladybug thought to herself that she should really take more fencing classes as Marinette. Maybe Kara and her friends could assist, too? Not the time to think about this! She self reprimanded, turning her focus back to the villain.

“What about us?” Oncilla taunted, bringing the focus of the Akuma to her.

“I am Atlas, and in exchange for your Miraculous, I shall be able to find what I have lost with the gift I have been granted. So hand them over.”

“Yeah, no,” the Black Cat wielder continued, “These aren't toys to trade like Halloween candy. We keep them, and you get lost.”

"No! Give me your Miraculous and get out of my way so I can get back to finding my things!" The Akuma bellowed at the heroes.

"I'm sorry Atlas, but we really can't do that," Ladybug chimed in, looking conflicted. She wasn't used to this, it was only her first time as a hero, let alone negotiating with a super-villain or a possessed civilian. Yet, there was something here she did know how to do.

"But!" She interrupts the Akuma as their face contorts into a deeper scowl, their body crouched and coiled, ready to jump at them. "But, maybe we can help?"

"Help?" Atlas became confused, and the butterfly-shaped glow returned. They waved it away with a shake of their head, "Quiet, Hawk Moth, maybe she can help you with this, too."

"Yeah- Yes! I can try to help, what is it you lost, maybe we can look for it." She glanced back to the other hero, making sure she was on board. Oncilla shrugged, relaxing from her previous stance and restraining herself from jumping right into fighting.

The Akuma looked thoughtful before answering.

"Well, at first, I just lost my pens,” the Akuma recalled aloud. “But then..." Their expression contorted in pain as they remembered their moments that led to their Akumatization.

"I lost a lot, actually," they amended. "Today was rough, a lot went bad. I just wanted to relax and work on my calligraphy when I was finally home. But I couldn't find my pens, or my backups... God, I found my good paper with spilled ink! " Their voice rose again, the anger and frustration growing and radiating from them like a toxin. Ladybug kept herself from recoiling and held herself as steady as she could, listening.

"I'm probably the one who spilled it when I left this morning, hell, I probably forgot my pens in the locker when I emptied it, or on the subway like a freaking idiot . I keep doing things like this, losing everything . I can't keep anything straight, I can't remember anything right, I can't do what's expected of me! " Tears streamed down their cheeks now, and their cries had risen to a yell.

"I need everything mapped out for me because I'm useless without that!! So just, HELP ME , or GIVE UP and GIVE ME THE MIRACULOUS!! "

The butterfly glow returned, and only a split second of unheard prompting had the sorrowful and angered Atlas attacking the heroes off-guard.

The two heroes jumped apart, dodging the first attack. Oncilla was quick to engage Atlas in  close combat while Ladybug recovered herself.

The fight moved away from the newer hero, and in an attempt to get herself closer, tossed her yo-yo into the beams of the Tower. It stuck and pulled her up, but she failed to get it back down, and ended up hanging from the string a few meters in the air. Looking around to see if there was anywhere for her to safely fall to, she realized, even if it wasn't much, she could see things better than from the ground.

“Oncilla!” Ladybug called out, and saw the other hero’s feline ears twitch towards her in acknowledgment. “I need to get higher, I have an idea! Can you handle them for a minute more?”

“Of course!” came the response. “Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, I got this! Go!”

With a quick, hard tug, and another throw of the yo-yo as she fell, Ladybug was heading up the Eiffel Tower.

As she swung to the peak, she called out, “ Lucky Charm! ”

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Catra’s refusal to admit mistakes

Something that seems to baffle much of the SPOP fandom is why Catra can’t just admit her mistakes and try to do better instead of continuing to dig herself a deeper and deeper hole. To be fair, the situation is very baffling. It’s complex. There are a ton of psychological issues in play, and when they interact things can get very messy. I’m going to do my best to explain Catra’s thought processes and hang ups and hopefully not write a fucking novel in the process. (But if you do want a novel that analyzes these concepts in a lot of depth, go check out my fanfic Demons. Shameless self-promotion, whaaaaat?)

I have already gone into how Catra’s external locus of control comes into play, so I’m not going to break it down in as much detail here. To sum it up, though, Catra has an internalized belief that she can’t really control anything and isn’t responsible for her behavior since it’s not her fault she was put in a shitty situation in the first place. She doesn’t believe she had any choice but to be the villain. This is deeply rooted in her fearful and abusive upbringing where she had little to no control over what happened to her. A large part of that is how consequences didn’t match behavior, i.e. she wasn’t rewarded for being good and her punishments were overly harsh as well as inconsistent, affected by external factors.

There’s also the sunk cost fallacy to consider. That’s the idea that you have to get something out of your investments (of time, money, effort, etc.), even if the costs keep piling up. (In terms of money, think of people who gamble larger and larger sums of money out of determination to win back their initial bet.) For Catra, this fallacy has convinced her that if she changes course and gives up on her goals, then everything she suffered in the Horde and all the effort she put into moving up in the ranks would be for nothing. She thinks getting to the top and proving her worth/winning respect would be the ulitmate triumph. Of course, we see her struggle with disillusionment over this in season 4, which helps set the table for what we hope will be a redemption arc.

These are only two examples of the ways Catra’s abusive upbringing affected her ability to admit her mistakes. The effects of abuse (especially in one’s childhood) are pervasive, affecting your thought processes and perception of the world in a million little ways that are hard to undo. I’m going to dig deeper now into some of the other reasons Catra struggles with this. They include an authoritarian environment, scapegoating, toxic leadership, poor behavioral modelling, an exaggerated fear of punishment, and the resentment of injustice.

(Please note: in this meta I’m not trying to make excuses for Catra and say she should not have to accept responsibility for her mistakes because she was abused. My aim here is to explain why it’s so difficult for her to shoulder blame in hopes that people will better understand her.)

Also under the cut, I’m going to finish this meta by examining how Angella and Glimmer are foils to Shadow Weaver and Catra, how Glimmer had a better example set for her and has now set an example for Catra.

Authoritarianism, injustice, and fear

It’s important to understand that Catra was raised to believe that apologizing or changing course makes someone a weak person or, worse, a bad leader. As Adora says, displays of weakness are strongly discouraged in the Horde. And in an authoritarian, militarized environment like the Horde, admitting mistakes is seen as a sign of weakness. You will very rarely, if ever, see authority figures admit they were wrong, let alone try to make amends for it. And since rank/pecking order is so important in these environments, that behavior filters down because no one wants to be at the bottom.

Fact is, no one who was raised in the Horde is good at admitting they were wrong (except maybe Scorpia, but she’s Scorpia). Even Adora is bad at this. She takes on responsibility for everything and blames herself when things go wrong, but that self-flaggellating catastrophizing is not the same as critically evaluating one’s actions and their effects on other people. That in particular is something she struggles with.

This may be a problem in the Horde at large, but it’s even harder for Catra to admit her mistakes because she has been blamed for a lot of things unjustly, as well as bullied by her peers and abused by her superiors. Accepting blame for anything feels unfair because she has already suffered the consequences of many things she did not do. In her mind, hasn’t the world punished her enough already without humiliating her over the mistakes she has made? Her defensiveness makes sense, in this regard.

Not only do abuse survivors tend to be defensive and angry at the world for the unfair lot it gave us, we have a very hard time being vulnerable with anyone. Because what if they hurt us too? Admitting mistakes and accepting their consequences puts you in a very vulnerable position, and when you are used to being punished unnecessarily harshly and/or undeservingly, submitting yourself to someone else’s judgment is terrifying. These experiences (especially when they occur at a young age) wire people a certain way, make you constantly afraid even when there is no need.

Toxic leadership and poor behavioral modelling

Returning to the environment factor, where do you think Catra learned this behavior of shirking responsibility for her actions? Fact is, Catra never had anyone model to her how to say, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I will try to fix it.” Militarized environment or not, Shadow Weaver and Hordak aren’t the type of people who are willing to admit their own mistakes and failures. They come up with excuses or pass the blame off to other people, usually Catra. Whenever something goes wrong, Hordak blames it on Catra and all her “failings.” Whenever Adora disappointed, Shadow Weaver assumed it was because Catra was holding her back. Catra is their scapegoat. They do not apologize to her, acknowledge any harm they’ve done to her, or make any attempt to fix it.

This is especially true of Shadow Weaver, who raised Catra and was the main adult in her life throughout her childhood. Even when confronted with the damage she has done to Catra, she refuses to accept responsibility or acknowledge any wrongdoing. We have seen this in literally every season in which they interact. Catra is rightfully salty about her unjust treatment but Shadow Weaver brushes off her anger, making excuses or sidestepping the accusations.

In 1x10, Catra throws Shadow Weaver a bit of shade while comforting her after Hordak gives her a scathing lecture. Shadow Weaver immediately deflects with an insult before acknowledging her own behavior but not its detrimental effects or her responsibility for it.

Catra: Don’t worry about that thing with Hordak. I've got loads of experience being yelled at. Mostly by you, actually. You get used to it.

SW: I will not get used to mediocrity like you, and I certainly don’t need your pity! ...I was hard on you, I won't deny it, and I won't apologize. I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I wanted you to be strong.

In 2x06, Catra flat out confronts her about it, and she offers a justification for her behavior, still refusing to show any remorse. When Catra persists, she sidesteps it by responding to another part of her outburst.

Catra: Why did you treat me the way you did? Why was I never good enough for you? Really, I wanna know.

SW: Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me, either. I wasn’t born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?

Catra: I was a child when you took me in! What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you! You are old, and bitter, and weak!

SW: Ah, but you are like me. And just like me, you’re losing your position with Hordak, I can see that even from my cell.

In 3x04, Catra has all but lost hope, throwing shade and heavy accusations at Shadow Weaver. But she does make one last desperate plea for acknowledgment of the harm done to her, right before she’s hit by the crushing realization that she has once again been pushed aside for Adora. Here, Shadow Weaver doesn’t even react to the emotional content of Catra’s statement.

SW: Catra, there’s no need for us to be enemies. I can help you. I can offer you a way out.

Catra: So, what? You’re on the side of good now? You made me this way, and you get to be the good guy? Do you know what happened to me after you escaped? Do you even care? You couldn’t wait to get away from here, from me! ...But you came back for Adora.

SW: I came back to stop Hordak. I will make sure he’s destroyed. Don’t make me destroy you too.

Saying she came back to stop Hordak is sort of an excuse, but Shadow Weaver doesn’t say it like she’s trying to appeal to Catra, unlike the two earlier conversations. Once Catra rejects her offer (which we know is disengenuous, to boot) she doesn’t even bother pretending to care. Catra’s resisting her manipulation and is no longer someone she can use, so why bother?

Notably, this is right before Catra learns about the dangers of the portal (i.e. that she made a mistake when she resolved to open it) and tasers Entrapta for trying to stop her, then immediately doubles down on that mistake by sending her to Beast Island. She got one more example of refusing to acknowledge her mistakes or accept accountability right before she does it herself. The statement “Adora was right” definitely gets to her too, but she was already in an unhinged state after being tortured by Shadow Weaver, once again with no apologies. Just something to consider.

So, Catra came from this environment where she got blamed unfairly all the time yet never got any sign of remorse from the people who hurt her. As I alluded to above, in this kind of situation it’s really easy to slip into the mindset of “why should I apologize when no one ever apologized to me?” (Especially if you’ve been through a lot of forced apologies, which are always humiliating, but particularly so when you are being unfairly blamed.) This is not an easy cycle to break. When you have this constant sense of injustice weighing on you, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the world owes you something as payback and therefore you shouldn’t have to try to better yourself or move past it.

This also ties into Catra’s obsession with getting a win when she is someone who seems fated to always lose, no matter what she does. It’s not just about getting back at Adora, it’s about settling her score with an unjust universe that has always given her the short end of the stick. It’s pride and indignation and pain all mixed up in one toxic soup that pollutes the minds of the abused, and it is not easy to get over. Watching Catra hopefully start to do that in the final 13 episodes is going to be incredibly cathartic.

Glimmer and Angella as foils and examples

Full disclosure, I am writing this meta partly in response to people shitting on Catra and acting like Glimmer is so much better than her after I made a gifset contrasting their reactions to realizing their mistakes. So, I want to finish by comparing all of these observations about Catra’s upbringing with Glimmer’s upbringing. Angella is by no means a perfect parent, but she loves her daughter and tries to do what’s best for her. Most relevant to this discussion, she’s willing to admit her mistakes or change her mind when presented with new information.

For instance, Angella flips at Glimmer over the invasion by the Horde soldier in 1x03, but once she learns said soldier is She-Ra she listens and puts faith in Glimmer’s judgment, despite her misgivings. In 1x10 (in a great parallel scene to the Catra/SW one mentioned above), Angella surprises Glimmer by caring more about her well-being than her mistakes, and she admits some of her own: she ordered the battle that got Micah ‘killed’, and she gave up on the first alliance. She literally says, “I am the one who failed.” And in 3x06, she sacrifices herself in an attempt to make up for all the times she failed to act and protect people she loves.

Angella has enough humility to admit her own flaws and consider other viewpoints, and she’s not afraid to change her mind or say she’s sorry. That set a much better example for Glimmer growing up than Shadow Weaver did for Catra and Adora. And now, Glimmer has set an example for Catra. When Catra is at her lowest in 4x13, drowning in her mistakes and self-hatred and wanting to die, Glimmer shows her that she too can change course and try to correct her mistakes.

Like, did you all see the look on Catra’s face when Glimmer says she can’t use the weapon and needs to try and stop it? When Glimmer gets up Catra follows her, because this is such a compelling sight to her, something she’s never seen before. It was almost like she was thinking, “Wait, you can do that? You don’t have to double down on your mistakes?”

This is something Catra has to see, not only for its novelty but because it could give her guidance, and hope. If Glimmer can change course and atone, maybe she can too.

[therainroguefanfiction]

❉ 139 Dreams (Molag Bal) Fascination

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Angst, Suggestive 16+, Romance ☁

Word Count: 3,629 ☁

Pairing: Reader x Molag Bal ☁

World: Skyrim ☁

Author’s Note: Am I thirsty as fuck for Molag Bal? Yup. Do I regret writing this and showing off how thirsty I am for Molag Bal? Nope. Highly inspired by the sexy ass images found here. And yes, I know technically none of the Daedric Princes have been given definitive genders, but I don’t care. I view them as men and if you want to see them differently, you do you boo.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

Thunder boomed loudly overhead, making you take pause as your eyes slid toward the darkening sky. You were currently on your way to Whiterun from Solitude, delivering an order of fancy clothes to Carlotta Valentia, who was hosting a party soon. Your mother had ordered you to do so, often using you as a free delivery service and offering you no choice nor reward for your efforts despite traversing dangerous roads in her name. You had mentioned borrowing the family’s horse in order to make the deliveries faster, but she didn’t want to risk her baby getting hurt.

‘Yet she sends her child across Skyrim with no protection,’ you scowled, kicking a rock to vent your frustrations. ‘What sense does that make?’

Thunder boomed again and with it came a sheet of rain. You cursed, doing your best to shield the bag of clothes with your body as you ran for cover beneath a large tree just off the road. What were you supposed to do now? If you continued on your journey, the clothes would surely be damp and possibly ruined, something you were sure Carlotta would not pay for. On the other hand, if you didn’t show up on time, she would report that to your mother who would then take out her anger on you again, which you knew would also happen if you delivered wet clothes.

‘No matter what, I lose here.’ You leaned your head back against the tree, closing your eyes as a headache began to throb at your temple. All you wanted was to be free, happy, but that was just a dream, you knew. If you ran away again, she would find you and make you pay dearly for wasting her time. The last time you had attempted to flee, she injured you so badly that you weren’t able to walk for a week.

A soft breeze ruffled your hair and you opened your eyes toward the sky. Despite the thunder still rumbling, the sun was now shining down on Skyrim. You waited a few moments to see if the rain would start up again before you decided to continue on your way, picking up your pace to make up for the lost time.

You made it to Whiterun without further incident. Though the bag had been a bit damp, the clothes inside of it were completely dry, much to your relief. You pocketed the two-hundred gold and started the trek back to Solitude but the closer you got to home, the more depressed you felt.

You had just reached the halfway point of your journey, just before Markarth, when you suddenly paused, turning your eyes to the sky. The sun was shining brightly, making you squint. “I don’t want to go home,” you muttered sadly.

“Then don’t,”

The deep, husky voice of a man startled you. You whipped around, eyes scanning around you for the source of the voice, but there were no signs of life, not even a deer or a rabbit. Your brow furrowed in confusion.

‘Have I gone mad?’ you wondered before shaking your head with a bitter chuckle. ‘No, my mind could never think up such a sexy voice like that.’ You continued on your way when the wind suddenly kicked up ominously.

“You dare to ignore me, mortal?”

You swallowed, realizing that the voice was, in fact, not in your head. “Who…who are you? Where are you?” Instinctively, your hand went to the dagger at your belt. It was a poor excuse for a weapon, but it was all you had to defend yourself with.

The man chuckled in a sultry tone and you felt your heart skip a beat. “I am the Daedric prince Molag Bal, lord of domination, god of Oblivion! And I want your soul.”

“My soul?” You breathed out. You knew you should feel afraid but… honestly, you didn’t. It couldn’t be any worse than what your mother puts you through, right?

“In exchange for your soul, mortal, I shall free you of the chains your woman has so tightly placed around your neck.”

“From one prison to another, huh.” You chuckled bitterly. “Forgive me for saying so, but that hardly seems like a fair trade.”

“You have some nerve, mortal, to dare speak to me in such a way.”

Your eyes slid closed and you forced your body to relax. “Just kill me and get it over with. Please,”

The voice was silent for a moment and you briefly wondered if you had been imagining the whole thing, and then he spoke again. “Hmm, fine. Let us come to a more… agreeable deal, then.”

Your brow furrowed. Why would a Daedric prince be willing to make a deal? “Like what?”

A black and purple cloud materialized before you, making you take a cautious step backward. Was he going to appear from that black hole? “There is a man that needs to be slain in my name, for he has been destroying my alters and smeared my name. He is a follower of Boethiah,” he spat the name as the smoke cleared to reveal a rusty spiked mace. “Take my mace and end his life. Show Boethiah that my followers are absolute and can not be bested.”

As if in a trance, your hand lifted toward the mace, head tilted to the side. Your fingers wrapped around the hilt, the metal surprisingly warm against your palm. It was quite heavy, but nothing you couldn’t handle after constantly lugging around large bags of clothes. There was something… strange about this weapon, about this whole situation. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t fascinated, but there was something you just had to know. “This is a trap… isn’t it?”

Molag Bal chuckled, a deep sultry sound that reverberated in your head. “If you complete this task that I have assigned to you, mortal, I will allow you to walk away with your life. And then, you will be truly free, just as you desire. My mace will be yours, and with it, you will harvest the souls of every enemy you slay.”

Everything within you was screaming at you not to trust this Daedra. Anyone with half a brain knew better than to do so, but what did you have to lose really? Your hand tightened around the weapon. Despite how dangerous, how powerful, it felt within your grip, it also felt so right, like you were meant to wield it.

“Tell me,” you breathed out. “What is the man’s name?”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

You stepped into the city of Falkreath, known for its expansive graveyard. The two itself was quite small, hosting only a couple of shops and homes. The guards watched you with weary gazes as you passed by, not knowing what your intentions may be. You offered them what you hoped to be an innocent-looking smile, not wanting any trouble from them.

You came to a stop in front of the inn, glancing up at the sign hanging above the door. ‘Dead Man’s Drink? How charming,’ The door creaked as you pushed it open, eyes scanning the inn. Only one patron was inside and he was passed out drunk against the table at the back of the room, snoring louder than anyone you had ever heard before.

Standing behind the counter was an Imperial woman with shoulder-length brown hair and matching eyes. She leaned forward on the counter, her hands flat on the wood. “Welcome to Dead Man’s Drink. We offer food for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, and sleep for the tired.” The words sounded so rehearsed as if she had repeated that same line dozens of times before, but you hadn’t been aware of Falkreath receiving that many visitors.

You approached the counter. “Hello, I was hoping you could help me locate a man named Hans Coralian. I believe he came through here quite recently.”

“A lot of people come through here,” she responded, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why are you looking for him?”

You glanced over your shoulder at the empty Inn, raising a brow. ‘I feel like that comment is a bit of a stretch,’ Your eyes met hers as you went over the options within your head. “He… He’s my father. I’ve been searching for him for such a long time, ever since my mama passed away…”

Her gaze softened considerably and she nodded. “Yes, he was in here two days ago, talking to some woman about something they needed to find, talking in real hushed voices.”

“You don’t know where he went, then?” You questioned, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

“Maybe,” She closed her eyes in thought, folding her arms over her chest. “When I brought them a second round of mead, I heard them mention Knifepoint Ridge, just northwest of town, but I wouldn’t go there if I were you. It’s supposed to be home to a group of Daedra-worshippers. Real dangerous.”

You offered her a kind, thankful smile. “Thank you for your concern, but I can handle myself. Good day.” As you stepped out of the inn, your fingers brushed against the mace attached to your belt. Something about having that weapon just made you feel so safe, so powerful. You hadn’t felt that way in such a long time and it was a welcoming feeling.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

You reached Knifepoint Ridge without issue.

As you climbed the hill, you quickly crouched down behind a large boulder when you heard people fighting up ahead. Peeking around, you noticed two men fist fighting in a circular ring surrounded by spiked wooden barricades. Several others stood around the ring and on the stone steps leading up the mountain, watching the fight with clear amusement.

“Who are you?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, whipping around with your back pressed against the boulder. Standing before you was a Dark Elf female and a Nord male, their eyes narrowed suspiciously. So much for the element of surprise. “Uh, well, I… I’m an adventurer, and I believe I got lost…”

The woman hummed, folding her arms across the black chest piece she wore. “We are lord Boethiah’s faithful. If you dare, you may test your mettle and join us in worship.”

‘Boethiah… well, at least I know I’m in the right place.’ You glanced at the Nord man. ‘He matches the description of Hans, too. It might be easier if I’m on the inside. Perhaps I can befriend him.’ Hesitantly, you nodded. “I’ve heard… great things about the Daedric prince Boethiah and, since the opportunity has presented itself to me, I wish to join you. Fate has brought me here and I shall answer its summons.”

She smiled slyly, licking her lips. “If it is so, and if Boethiah appears, then we will welcome you as one of us. If you wish to gain Boethiah’s attention, you must slay a thrall upon his shrine.” She pointed to the right, where a set of stone steps slowly curved upward, stopping where a tall statue stood on the edge.

‘A sacrifice? Where the hell am I meant to find someone to sacrifice?’ Your brow furrowed as you cautiously approached the steps, but a sudden, angry voice boomed across the open area, making everyone take pause.

“Defiler!” Roared a feminine voice. Suddenly, the Dark Elf started to seize, dropping to the ground and clutching at her chest. She gasped in agony before falling still. Several moments passed before her body stiffly rose up like a corpse from the grave, limbs unnaturally stiff and face contorted in rage as she looked upon you. “You DARE to bring that thing near my shrine?!” She wailed, pointing a finger at the mace. “Do you have ANY idea who I am, mortal?”

You opened your mouth to respond, to try and calm the raging Daedra by spinning a tale that you had simply found the mace and had no idea what it was or who it belonged to, but she wouldn’t hear it.

“Silence!” She snapped. “Do you know what we Daedra are, child?”

“You’re a god,” breathed one of the star-struck followers, his eyes wide as he looked upon his lord with awe. “Your voice, it’s so… beautiful, my lady!”

“I am a man, you foolish mortal.” Boethiah scowled as he waved his hand through the air. An invisible force flung the man backward, his body pierced on the spiked barricade behind him. “We Daedra are far more powerful than any god. And among my brethren, I am the most feared!”

Deep laughter echoed loudly throughout the clearing before a black and purple portal materialized beside you. You didn’t even have time to back away before a man stepped from the portal, standing at least two feet taller than you. His skin was midnight blue, white symbols etched across his chest and arms, and two sets of curved horns, similar to a goat’s but much thicker, jutted out from either side of his head. Eyes the shade of red rubies shined under the moonlight as he looked upon Boethiah with amusement, placing a clawed hand on his hip. His hair was short and messy, and as black as a raven’s feathers.

You couldn’t help but stare at him, your cheeks turning red. ‘He’s so gorgeous…’

“Dear Boethiah,” He drawled. “You are the most feared? Don’t make me laugh. You’re the least feared among us and you know it.” The corner of his lips tugged up into a smirk as he witnessed the rising anger within his face. “You’ve been sending your foolish little followers to destroy my shrines, leaving me with only two left. Now I will do the same to you. While your chosen champion hides out deep within the mountain like a coward, my champion will destroy your influence!” His eyes snapped to you and you felt your breath catch in your throat. “Y/N, I command you to take my mace and destroy the shrine!”

Your body reacted on its own, turning and taking off for the stairs before your brain could comprehend what was happening. You pulled the mace from your belt when Boethiah screamed out in anger, giving chase.

Molag Bal intersected him and he sneered. “With only two shrines, both of which are so very far away from this location, your power is weak, brother. You can not best me, Molag Bal!” The body he was in started to expand and morph, growing until it was the same height as Molag Bal’s. His skin darkened to the color of the midnight sky with hair as white as freshly fallen snow, flowing to his knees like silk. His eyes, completely white and full of anger, snapped to you.

You were halfway to the shrine when he appeared before you, swiping at you with his hand, nails as sharp as nails. With a squeak of surprise, you barely managed to dodge the attack but your foot slipped out from beneath you and you hit the stone, your wrist twisting at an unnatural angle. It was painful, but the adrenaline coursing through your body like fire kept the pain mostly at bay.

You scrambled to your feet as he tried to grab you, his nails slicing open your arm as you dodged his grip, stumbling up the stairs like a toddler who had only just learned to walk. There was only one thing running through your mind – destroy the shrine.

‘Just as lord Molag Bal ordered,’ you thought. A part of you didn’t want to let him down, but you didn’t know if that was because you hoped he would save you from your mother, or simply because you had fallen under his spell. It was probably a bit of both, to be fair.

Boethiah grabbed the back of your leather armor and tugged hard, pulling you back toward him. You cried out, trying to grip the stone beneath you but he was much stronger than you and you no longer had feeling in your right wrist. “This is where you die, mortal!”

A thick red fog filled the air, making it impossible to see more than arm’s length in front of you. Boethiah howled in pain from behind you, his grip loosening on your shirt. You could feel the will of Molag Bal urging you forward and with a cry, you mustered up all of your strength and pushed forward, feeling the leather tear and the cool night air hit the exposed skin of your back. You were breathing heavily as you booked it the rest of the way up the stairs, the mace poised to strike as you zeroed in on the statue.

“No!!”

Just as the mace made contact with the stone, you felt a sharp pain in your side, a cry escaping your lips as blood splattered to the ground around you. Using all of your fear, the pent up rage, and now the pain coursing through you, you raised the mace and struck the statue again. Chunks of stone exploded from the statue, flying in all directions. You closed your eyes on instinct and continued to strike at it until there was barely anything left.

Boethiah screamed from somewhere behind you, a scream so loud it made your ears ring, and the last thing you saw was a brilliant explosion of light, and then nothing.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

“Ow, my head…” A groan slipped past your lips as you came to, slowly opening your eyes. The room you were in was small, lit by the soft orange glow of cream-colored candles. They were nearly fully melted, offering only a few hours more of light. You shifted your body, feeling straw and leather beneath you. ‘This is definitely a bedroom, but… it’s not mine.’ You struggled to remember the last place you had been, but your memory was coming up blank.

The wooden floorboards creaked as a man wearing a dark robe entered the room, carrying a tray with two mugs of milk and some steaming bread. You could just barely make out his smile from beneath the hood. “It’s about time you awoke. I worried you would sleep the whole day away.” His voice was deep and aroused something familiar within you. He carefully set the tray on the table beside the bed before resting his hand upon your forehead. “Your fever is gone, that’s good.”

As he pulled away, you noticed the rich blue tone of his skin. Your brow furrowed in confusion. “I… I’m sorry, but… who are you?”

He looked upon you with surprise. “Do you not remember me, my love? Well, no matter. I’m sure it’s just the side effect of your illness.” The man smiled charmingly and reached out to stroke your cheek. “I am your husband, Mikel.”

“Mikel…” you whispered, hoping if you tasted the name on your tongue, it would awaken your memory, but nothing happened. Your brow furrowed in frustration. “Where are we?”

“Our home in Markarth,” he answered, taking your face between his large hands. “Trying to force your memory will do more harm than good. You should rest.” You seemed unsure about this, so he leaned down and claimed your lips with his. It felt like a fire erupted within you, flowing through your entire body like lava and it felt… amazing. Like nothing you had ever felt before.

A moan slipped past your lips and he smirked as he pulled back.

“Rest, my love.”

Your hand shot out, tightly grasping his robe to prevent him from standing up. “No,”

“No?” he quirked a brow, red eyes shining with amusement. “You dare to defy your husband, Y/N?”

“Stay with me,” you begged breathlessly. The fire was beginning to face and you wanted more, needed more. “Please,”

His tongue slowly slid across his plump lower lip as he shifted to hover his body over your own. “How could I dare deny such a request from my most treasured?” His voice was husky and low, reverberating around your brain. You clutched at his body, trying to bring him closer but he didn’t budge. “Now now, my dear Y/N.” He chastised, pulling your hands away so he could pin them both above your head, easily holding them with one hand. He hummed, pleased at the way your body yearned for his touch, slowly sliding his hand down your side. “We should take our time and savor our first union together, don’t you agree?”

You couldn’t respond, too pre-occupied with the firey haze that had invaded your mind. No one had ever had such an effect on you before and your body couldn’t handle it. It felt like you were losing your mind.

He clicked his tongue before letting his hand dip between your legs. The way your body arched into such a simple touch fascinated him and he wanted to find every single tic your body would offer to his ministrations.

Leaning down, his lips brushed against your ear, warm breath creating goosebumps across your flesh. “Say my name, Y/N.”

“Mikel – ”

“My real name,” he growled, tightening his grip on your wrists.

You moaned as pain mixed with pleasure. Images flashed through your mind so quickly, you could only see bits and pieces, but a name stood out among all of the images. Your voice was breathy as you met his red eyes, shimmering with want and amusement. “Molag Bal…”

He smirked, showing off a set of sharp fangs. “You are mine, Y/N, in every sense of the word. Do not forget that.”

Your only response was a sharp intake of breath as his body pressed flush against your own, bringing his lips down to claim yours in a heated kiss. His body pinned you to the bed, making it difficult to breathe, but you had no objections to offer.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: . ☁

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[ghostmartyr]

SnK 129 Thoughts

This month: More people screaming and dying.

Next month: Probably more people screaming and dying.

Eventually: Just a whole heck of a lot of screaming.

(Not dying because there will be no more people.

They will be dead.)

Sooooooooooooooo.

Uh.

This chapter has people screaming and dying in it.

As well as the continuing strangeness of actively rooting for Reiner and Annie.

Ayep.

Ding-dong, Magath is dead?

Yet again, we land on the problem of a chapter that is largely self-explanatory, and the perhaps deeper problem of people committing themselves to doing a thing once a month, even if they’re not sure they’re able to do said thing. There’s good stuff here, I’m just hesitant to start talking about it lest it comes out like a random spew of instantly forgettable bullet points.

Since I don’t care, I guess we’ll start with Magath dying.

I don’t care. Moving on!

Theo Magath is a man who has always cared for the children under his command. Even though they’re Eldian, he has routinely gone above the expected amount of effort in securing their safety. He is the one who worries and waits for Reiner, Annie, Bertolt, and Marcel to come home. He is the one who destroys the worst of the military he’s a part of so they can stop depending on titans. He cares.

What a fucking bastard.

Keith Shadis dies with him. After a life of trying to make himself special, putting lives at risk every step of the way, he finds an appropriate time to make his exit. He’s the one who raises every fighter out in the port. He’s the one who has watched as the other instructors kill them so that they can find the ones strong enough to make the cut.

He’s the one who picks Eren up and brings him back to his bed after he inherits his father’s burden.

One thing I do think is important to note, whenever I’m inspired to say, ‘Fuck Marley,’ is that Paradis is not great.

Paradis has child soldiers too. They’re just slightly older.

Paradis fully expects their soldiers to go out and die too. Their consent just skates through needing air quotes.

Paradis has a corrupt government run by self-interest -- until they have a coup.

Magath’s job, his entire career, has been to make the most of the enslaved Eldian lives he’s been handed on a platter. It is his job to train children up to murder people. If they are not good enough at murder, they will be fed to other children.

Shadis feels more comfortable. He’s been a reasonable authority figure for most of the manga, with his worst crimes being in his past, and even that reveal coming with a greater show of humanity than any other displayed that night. He tries to run Eren out of the military before he destroys himself. He worries for the boy, and gives a voice to the struggle of trying to be special when you’re most gifted at fucking up.

Paradis’ military, at the start of the main plot, gets its recruits via shaming teenagers into being willing to die, or starving teenagers into being willing to die.

The primary difference between it and Marley’s system is that in that section of the totem pole, the oppression level is relatively neutral. The wall systems are kind of fucked, the nobility is kind of awful -- but like. Their last genocide was what, two years ago? And it was killing poor people, not people people.

Everyone in Paradis’ military has to deal with the fact that they’re in a shrinking safe space and they’re either going to starve, or monsters are going to eat them. That is the great equalizing force. If their commanding officer fucks up, he is going to get eaten. If the person next to them fucks up, they are going to get eaten.

They are not crouching down, approaching tiny children, and explaining that it is for the good of humanity that they are the ones eaten because their blood is dirty. Anymore.

Fuck Marley. Fuck its internment camps, fuck its slavery, fuck its brainwashing, fuck how it turned Good Eldians and Bad Eldians into war rhetoric. Fuck just about everything it has to offer.

Paradis is fucked up in the spirit of everyone there being equally fucked (unless you’re rich) (or nobility). Marley is fucked up because it’s made being fascist, warmongering assholes a national policy.

So you have two men on a boat waiting to die. They’ve both sent children to their deaths. They’ve both pushed over the lines trying to let their uniqueness carry change instead of doing the difficult legwork it actually takes.

One of them is not an active agent of genocide.

One of them is.

They both have sad feelings.

It is sad.

The important part is however badly they fucked up, the traumatized children they’re leaving behind are about to be more traumatized, and they’ve realized what a bad thing this is.

Only not really because Keith did his job, did his first job badly enough to find a new job, did that new job, and has continued doing that new job up to the point where he’s blowing himself up, and has no particular qualms about any of that since he’s pretty much been acting his conscience the whole time.

I’m lingering on this because you have both people who trained up our primary cast making a choice for the good of humanity, and dying the same way. It is a clear and obvious parallel, and it is being milked.

But it’s one of those parallels that makes me twitchy the longer I look at it. Probably because of that conscience part. These men play the same role, but besides their stages having massive differences, their choices do as well.

Magath’s conscience doesn’t stop him from shouting racist rhetoric at a preteen on a battlefield. In his introductory scene.

Shadis’ conscience, however warped some of the intent is, leads to him quitting and passing his job up to someone more qualified.

...Essentially, Shadis is kind of a bastard for a lot of things, but Magath is a fascist bastard, and continues to be a fascist bastard even when he takes steps to overthrow a fascist regime, and I know and appreciate that Magath realizes this and feels bad about it, but it’s hard not to resent the manga comparing Shadis and Magath so strongly.

Magath’s fucked up a lot. It’s good he admits it.

Shadis feels like one more person who sees death as all he has to offer the world.

In a series that actively opposes that line of thought whenever it comes up, it’s really difficult not to find the whole dynamic frustrating. Yes, the manga doesn’t say these two people are the same. They’re just in the exact same boat making the exact same decision.

Like that other group over in their boat.

Shadis is looking to die. Magath is looking to make a last stand.

I don’t think I’m doing a great job of putting into words why it’s so aggravating for me, except, you know. Fuck Marley. Also Magath helped cause all of this. Keith’s sort of sat around feeling various forms of guilt for years over things he screwed up because he was trying so hard.

Shadis forfeits his life.

Every other time someone with that mindset is ready to die, it’s met with no, you’re not done yet.

Shadis doesn’t get that. He’s done. Magath is the only one there to tell him otherwise, and Magath has his own problems.

There’s a vibe here that these two old teachers have outlived their purpose. Their kids are grown, for better and worse, and they’re the ones who will control the turn of the future. I don’t oppose them making that decision, but in Shadis’ case, it really comes off as him being cool with whatever, now that he’s made his stand.

Ugh. I don’t like it, but articulating why is probably best represented by me sulking and crossing my arms. Artistically, I get it. They’re the same piece on opposite ends of a chessboard.

But they’re different people and aaaargh.

Anyway, we continue the proud tradition of making Gabi cry.

Sorry about your life, Gabi.

In other news, we continue to not have any way to stop Eren.

Like.

At all.

We have an estimate of four days before Eren succeeds in wiping out a continent.

Their only chance of stopping that is powering up an airship, using some of that good ol’ talk-no-jutsu, or killing Eren.

If they take the route of killing Eren, all of the Colossals he’s been ordering on their walk will stop being under his command. Because he will be dead. Meaning that the continent, as well as our heroes, will now have to contend with a wild hoard of Colossal Titans out for a stroll.

Which is bad.

It’s basically where Paradis started out, but worse in every possible way.

Even if they manage to have someone on their team eat Eren, there’s a good chance that OG Ymir might not react well to her savior being axed. There’s a similarly good chance that the ability to use the Founder’s power just won’t be functional.

So if they kill Eren, they will stop having intentional destruction.

Instead, we will have unintentional destruction, of which there will be a lot.

Leaving us with talk-no-jutsu.

When the last attempt at talk-no-jutsu led to Armin punching Eren and being bad at it. And Eren punching Armin and being less bad at it.

Basically, everyone’s really hoping that by communicating with Eren, they can somehow make this all go away. There is no evidence that this will work, and no evidence that any of the added backup plans will do anything but cause different problems, but by golly, they’ve completed step .5 of their 3-step plan to maybe changing their circumstances.

(Step 1: Get Air Boat Step 2: Fly Air Boat To Eren Step 3: Talk Eren Out Of Genocide)

BOY I SURE AM HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS PUTTERING ALONG WITH THAT FORWARD PROGRESS. WHAT CHAMPS. GOOD FOR YOU.

YOU’RE STILL FUCKED.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT WE ARE SPENDING ALL THIS TIME ON A PLAN THAT DOES NOT SOLVE THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM OF HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED YOU ALL ARE.

IT IS NICE THAT YOU ALL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING USEFUL THINGS TO YOUR SOCIETY. YOU DO YOU.

YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY HELPING.

BUT MORE OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

I’m not upset, I would just really like all of this to feel meaningful. Right now there’s a ridiculous amount of stress and dead bodies going into a goal that could easily end up pointless.

There’s merit to that as a story, but none of that stress lands properly, because the tension of “will they save the day or won’t they” isn’t dependent on what they’re doing here. The ticking clock might be making the characters stressed, but it’s not where the consequences lie.

I will continue to complain about this every month because I can.

In more positive news, Connie is best boi and no one appreciates him they way that they should.

Once upon a time, Reiner bullied Annie into taking a more active role in murdering Marco.

One of the arguments he used to provoke her was that she saved Connie’s life.

Not long after that, Reiner and some other recruits find themselves stranded in Utgard Castle, where a titan gets in and goes after Connie. Reiner charges in, gets his arm chomped on, and through everyone’s combined efforts, the titan gets shoved out a window.

Annie and Reiner both make the choice to save Connie’s life, even though it does nothing to benefit them.

In this chapter, beheaded and missing their arms, Connie swoops in and saves both of them.

The first taste of this technically goes to Mikasa, because she can’t help being a hero. She doesn’t like Annie. Annie is about the only human being whose existence can make her lose her temper. When a soldier gets behind Annie, Mikasa is there to back her up. It’s done casually and smoothly, because Mikasa’s just that good.

We’re still left with multiple shots of Annie staring at Mikasa.

Later followed with her staring at Reiner.

Annie and Reiner are used to being the traitors. They’re the ones their friends have every reason to hate. They’re the ones who spend years living with the victims of a war they brought to their shores. They’ve never expected forgiveness. They’re condemned, and almost welcome it.

Their trio interplay is never great. Reiner is trying too hard, and shielding Bertolt. Annie gets stuck with the grunt work, and knows they’re the bad guys. They don’t get along. They’re comrades, and allies, but their friendship is never portrayed as anything but their last lifeline.

Reiner and Bertolt are friends.

Annie’s the only one who has her fight with the Survey Corps alone.

This time, Reiner’s there, and he’s protecting her.

If you dig into any combination of these relationships, there’s not exactly a shortage of rot. They’ve all hurt each other, and they all know it.

But at the end of the day, they’re all just a bunch of damaged kids looking to be found.

None of the surviving cast is without a shoulder to lean on. They’ve made the decision to be there for each other, and as bleak as circumstances are, Annie’s face spends so much time this chapter shouting that she’s never been able to have that.

Even Magath, who goes off with the intent of dying alone, doesn’t.

There’s still some human warmth left in the world, and that’s what they’re trying to protect.

Please just do it with an actual plan, I’m begging you guys.

Also, Floch gets shot! So that’s nice.

I do not see a corpse.

That is less nice.

Isayama also gave Falco a fucking birdsona titan.

We’re not without things to cheer.

Tune in next month for more screaming and dead bodies.

[stressedspidergirlsfandomblog]

Title: Monster

 SHIP (if applicable): Geraskefer PROMPT DAY: 6 MEDIUM: Books WARNINGS: Self-loathing, more accidental self-harm than deliberate, canon typical suicidal ideation SUMMARY:

“What a hideous smile I have, Geralt thought, reaching for his sword. What a hideous face I have. And how hideously I squint. So is that what I look like? Damn.” -Andrzej Sapkowski, Sword of Destiny

-

“Do you know, Visenna, what is done to witchers’ eyes to improve them? Do you know it doesn’t always work?”

“Stop it,” she said softly. “Stop it, Geralt.” -Andrzej Sapkowski, Sword of Destiny

WORD COUNT: 11891 AUTHOR’S NOTES: Read on Ao3

@geraltwhumpweek

Geralt hated sorcerers. They were never good company, with the except of Yennefer who still had her moments, and they were usually unnaturally cruel whenever given the chance. He had, of course managed to run afoul of this one, he always did. If there was a sorcerer involved, he was going to suffer. That was simply the life of a witcher, or any other poor soul who happened to cross paths with them.

“Geralt of Rivia, Geralt of Nowhere. Geralt of Kaer Morhen, Geralt of No Parentage. Geralt the Witcher, Geralt the Butcher of Blaviken, Geralt the Monster.”

Yes, that was all true, as far as Geralt was concerned. Nothing new, no worse than anything anyone else had said to him.

“I curse you.”

Fuck.

“I curse you so that you will look on the outside as you are on the inside. You will be the hideous monster you truly are. The monster you know yourself to be.”

Pain racked him so hard he thought he might die. His bones shifted like they had during the changes, his face stretching, cheekbones raising and flattening, jaw jutting forward and expanding as his mouth filled with sharp teeth, his lips pulling back and tearing as they failed to keep up with the changes to his skill. He screamed with the pain of it, and horror swamped him when an alien sound came from his mouth.

“Kill me, and it’s permanent,” the mage informed him.

The changes continued, his hands stretching into claws as his nails thickened and turned black like a wolf’s, his silvery hair spreading across more of his body. Geralt’s eyes turned true yellow, and he cried out again, the hoarse howl of a monster as his legs lengthened and thickened, making him taller even as his spine curled forcing him to hunch forward.

“However, true love, the purest kind can break the spell. Someone will have to love you as you are, seeing you as you truly are, for the spell to break.”

As his nose changed, growing sharper and hooking slightly he felt more shifts in his bones and tears in his skin where it failed to keep up and he moaned low in his throat. His voice had been unpleasant before, but now? Now it was the guttural sounds of a monster utterly incapable of speech. He tried. He tried to curse the mage before him, tears and snot running down his mutated face. When he tried to run his forearm across his face, he noticed the sinew and muscle standing out and the once fine dusting of milk white hair was now thick like pelt over his arm. He screamed again, hardly able to think. Geralt tore at it, the thick claws digging into flesh as he tried to pull some of the hair free.

He accidentally raked his own face in horror at the damage his claws had done, lifting them to try and cover his eyes and feeling them pierce the skin around his eyes and howled again.

“I suppose you should get used to your knew form, enjoy it, Geralt. After all, who could learn to love a beast?” The sorcerer opened a portal and stepped through it, smiling. Geralt lunged but was too late.

While his figure was mostly human, he felt, he couldn’t be too sure. His neck had changed and he had more trouble looking down at himself than he had before. Stay calm, focus, breathe, control your heart rate, control yourself. He looked down and saw his clothes mostly hanging in tatters. Something moved behind him and he twisted in panic raising his hands to defend himself with a cry of surprise. But nothing was there. But he could see something from the corner of his vision, and he twisted painfully to look down at himself and saw that he now had a tail.

The shock of it dropped him to his knees, cracking them painfully on the stone floor of the mage’s tower. He gripped it and thought about simply cutting it off. All that stopped him was that when Yennefer reversed the spell, it might hurt him in some other way. All of this had come from his body and to remove some of it might mean he would be less whole when returned to his natural state.

He tried to speak again and again but all that came out of his throat were horrible hoarse sounds. Wasn’t Dandelion always telling him all he did was grunt and grizzle? Now that was true. Perhaps a letter. He could send her a letter.

When he tried to pick up a writing implement from the desk his hands… claws, his hands were very nearly paws, and blackness edged around his vision again. He couldn’t hold the quill. Could barely pick it up, it was too fine, too delicate. Then he realized, who would mail the letter for him? How would he pay? A horrible chuffing sound came out of him and he realized that was his laugh. He screamed again, unable to help it.

It was daylight.  He was effectively trapped in the tower until nightfall. If people saw him they would hunt him down and kill him and he couldn’t even speak to them to explain. Couldn’t write them a message… or perhaps… perhaps he could.

It didn’t occur to him to use the inkwell, which would have been smarter. Instead, he dug his claws into his flesh tipping them in his own blood as he carefully wrote a message to Yennefer on the parchment. He had no idea if she’d ever find it. It said very little, and he had no way to mail it… no coins… but perhaps somehow it would make its way to her.

Yennefer- Mage. Curse. Help. -Geralt.

When he wiped at his eyes again, the fur on his forearm was streaked with blood. Bloodied tears? His heart squeezed. Was no part of him left human? He had to get out of there. He paced around the tower room and stopped when he saw a mirror. It was slightly warped, the silver bent and twisted, not good quality. But it was enough to make him sink to his knees in horror.

His clothing had torn around him, in some places digging into his skin and cutting him. He pulled it off where string and thread still tore into his flesh and looked at himself. While he had never been especially hairy fur had mostly replaced natural body hair and he uncomfortably touched his cheeks. He never even wore a beard, and now he had an odd coating of fur that started an inch or so away from his eyes and ran halfway down his neck. It picked up again at his sternum in a large circular shape before continuing over his abdomen and down to his groin.

“I envy you this, you know. It looks so low maintenance. I’ve never seen you trim or shave any of it,” Dandelion told him softly, stroking along his sides and hips. “Does it truly just grow this way? Nice and neat?”

“I don’t know if it’s neat,” Geralt protested lightly. “But it’s true, I don’t alter it.” Who did?

The poet gently stroked up the insides of his legs and over his hips, circling his groin with gentle touches. Geralt would have given anything for those delicate fingers to never stop. Being comfortable and safe like this was far better than sex. “I do, I spend quite a bit of time on it, maintaining it.”

“Why?” Geralt asked, he hadn’t particularly cared one way or the other about Dandelion’s body hair.

“Oh Geralt,” the bard teased, eyes twinkling. “As much hair grows here, if I didn’t keep it trimmed,” his fingers gently ran through the hair above Geralt’s cock, “people would think me much smaller than I am. Too much hair and you hide too much and even if there’s plenty no one will believe it.”

Geralt snorted in shock and laughed. Dandelion grinned at him, pleased to have made him smile. The bard gently leaned over to press a kiss to Geralt’s hip, and the witcher knew he was being given a choice. They could just continue to lie like this, or they could make love. He found both options tempting, but he didn’t feel like the amount of movement the latter would require. He gently cupped Dandelion’s cheek, guiding him up to kiss him on the mouth.

“Just sit with me,” Geralt asked, voice husky.

“Of course, love,” Dandelion agreed easily, continuing to let his fingers trail over and explore his lover. Every so often Geralt twitched a little, and the bard knew he’d found a new place to touch and tease during their lovemaking, but for now just being together was enough.

Thankfully his genitals were barely visible under the hanging fur, since pants weren’t going to be an option for him. Ashamed in ways he hadn’t thought possible, he tried to pick up his cloak from the chair and drape it around himself. All that happened was his claws caught and shredded the fabric. He laughed bitterly and startled when it came out as the chuffing bark noise from before. Tears ran over his cheeks again, the blood dyeing the fur on his face pink.

How was he going to wash himself? Or dress himself? Keep himself warm? His entire body wasn’t furred.

The mirror allowed him to see his jaw elongated and widened, new teeth full of sharp points that prevented him from closing his mouth entirely, which meant drool was starting to form at the corners of his lips. Hatred for himself sang in his heart. Even his ears had moved slightly, higher on his head and more pointed and leathery like a bat’s, perhaps. Barely recognizable as human other than the color.

His skin had turned even whiter, even less human, more like alabaster than the usual sallow paleness he was used to and his eyes…. Oh, they were so yellow and the slitted pupils- nothing he did would round them again like a normal man’s. The could widen and thin them but not enough. He would have thrown up if he could have.

Mostly his bone structure appeared to be the same, outside of his face, just longer and thicker. His hips pushed against his skin the way they did in lean months where he had little to eat, but he had a feeling this was permanent. Just as his ribs pulled the skin tight between them and his hips, leaving him with a small waist that exemplified several drawings of famine he’d seen.

Unable to bear the sight of himself he slammed a hand against the mirror without thinking and cried out when the silver burned. The glass shattered and bits of it stuck into his knuckles and flew at him, leaving red marks as if he’d been scalded. His claws were too brutish to pull the glass out and he found himself shredding skin attempting to pull the burning embers of silver from his body. Once they were out, he was left with mutilated knuckles and red welts all over himself where the mirror had exploded with the force of his strike.

Unsure of where to walk, his feet were mostly bare, his boots shredded and useless. He glanced at his medallion, he had torn it off along with his shirt. How would he wear it? How would people know it was him? He couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell them, couldn’t write… Moaning, he covered his face with his hands and wept, he had never felt so helpless in his life.

“Yen this is humiliating.”

“Your leg was broken and so was your skull. Get up and walk around with me.”

“I’m wobbling like a fawn, Yen, I don’t want to.”

“And how will you get better if you refuse to use your muscles?”

“My head aches.”

“And I shall rub your neck after, and perhaps your shoulders too, if you stop trying to delay the inevitable and get up and walk with me.”

“Perhaps you could rub something else?”

She snorted. “Are you done whining?”

“I wasn’t whining,” he argued, getting out of the bed shakily. The linen pants moved across the bandages on his shin and he took her hand, allowing her to help him up. Then slid his arm around her shoulders, leaning on her as they walked out of the room. She made him pace the length of the hall and back before allowing him to rest, and he was happy to hold her in his arms as he waited for his muscles to stop shaking.

He loved the feel of her hair over his skin, and the coolness of her touch on his body. She gently ran fingers through his hair, pressing gently as she massaged away the worst of his headache. He loved when they were close together like this, when there was no expectation, no pressure. They could just be.

Walking carefully through the splinters of mirror he knew whenever he failed because the pain burned him. Welts and blisters rose up, but thankfully no more glass made its way into his flesh. Not sure what to do with his old clothes, or his medallion, he did his best to work around his claws and bundle the silver without touching it. His medallion. His mark, who he was. He had no pockets, no pack, nothing.

Pawing through the mage’s things, he did manage to find a satchel with a long strap which he tucked the medallion in, the leather barely touch enough to withstand his claws as he shoved it in. It took some doing but he also managed to get the strap over his shoulder without destroying it or the bag. He couldn’t leave yet, and his body still ached.

There was no food to take, nothing to do but wait. So he crouched down in a corner away from the debris, running a claw over the shaggy rough hair sprouting from his scalp. His sensitive fingers had been covered in thick callous that made it hard to feel, but he could still tell his hair was no longer the fine silky texture his partners had loved. Ciri had loved it, too. His hair was smoother than hers, no curl, and so she had loved brushing it out. She had often put it into braids. Now, the rough strands would be not only unpleasant to touch but near impossible to groom. It was going to mat so easily, he knew.

“Your hair is so soft,” Ciri marveled, running fingers through it as he sat with her by the fire. They had spread out a few blankets and pillows on the hearthstones to wait out the storm. While she wasn’t afraid of the weather, after the Wild Hunt had near taken her, she was a little jumpier about the noise. He didn’t fault her.

He closed the book in his lap, leaving his index finger between the pages to mark their spot. He had chosen a bestiary at her request and was teaching her more of what she would know to be a witcher. Initially, he had wanted to read history or philosophy or something else, anything else. But it was what she had asked him for.

She gently combed out his hair again, having used a little bit of unscented oil to make the strands gleam. Since she had decided to take an interest in grooming him like a beloved feist his hair always shone in the light. It was always neatly brushed. He looked healthier. Of course, taking her into his life he had had to start taking better care of himself simply because he was taking care of her. If she needed food, he found food rather than go hungry. If she felt filthy, he found a place for them to bathe. It was just what he did now.

While he was well able to keep himself clean and his hair free of tangles without assistance, they both found the routine soothing. So many ugly things happened around them day in and day out that it was nice to end the day by the fire together, doing something peaceful. Not to mention both Yennefer and Dandelion had commented on the change in texture of his hair, enjoying the silkiness Ciri’s ministrations had brought out.

He fell asleep somehow, curled into the corner. The stones on his skin were cold enough to leech away some of his body heat and leave him to wake shivering and miserable. So much for the new layer of fur keeping him warm or being useful in any way.

The sky was dark, and most of the village around the tower asleep. Humiliated by his nakedness, he knew he didn’t have a choice about it, or about having to leave. If the mage sent someone back to clear him out, or alert the villagers, he would be killed in a small space unless he was willing to let his actions match his appearance. Perhaps he should just let them kill him.

But he had hope, small hope, that Yennefer would somehow find his message. Would somehow find him and save him. She loved him, didn’t she? So did Dandelion. One of them should work, or perhaps she could just reverse the spell without anything. In case her love wasn’t even… he loved them both so much. Surely, surely one of them could break it. Would it take a kiss? Just some blood? He tried to remember how Nivellen’s curse had been broken with the bruxa, but he didn’t want to have to kill one of his lovers. He wouldn’t. He would kill himself first if that was the only solution.

The doorknob was difficult to grip and slippery against his skin and he barely managed to get it open. Only the terror of acting like the beast he was kept him from smashing through it. He was bigger, and bulkier, and going through the doorway and down the twisting steps made him aware of how much he had changed. It was difficult to navigate where before he would have run quickly.

He paused at the bottom, smelling food. A bit old, perhaps, but not turned. He listened for a while, didn’t smell any signs of human life or hear anything, and the thought of food made his mouth water. Ropes of drool slid over his chin and hung down and he shut his eyes. Nothing he did would take away the feeling. Ashamed, he almost didn’t open the door to the kitchen. He should perhaps just starve to death. But, never seeing Ciri again, never seeing Yennefer or Dandelion… not if there was a chance he could be saved… even if he didn’t deserve it…

Tthe hunger pressed on him and he pushed through the door and raided the stores of food he found. The vegetables were hard to chew, since all of his teeth had apparently been replaced with fangs leaving him with very little molar. He ended up gulping down chunks of carrot and potato raw. The meat he found was dried, and even more difficult to manage. His claws allowed him to tear it easily enough and he swallowed strips whole. He ate until his stomach ached and bulged, knowing he had no way to carry any of it with him.

While he was sure he could hunt, and while he could process raw meat if forced, he had no taste for it. Perhaps his new monster’s body and tongue would. Ripping into raw flesh and still beating hearts… that had always been his destiny hadn’t it? Shunned by society living like an animal? Looking around for anything that might help him, anything that might keep him human, there was nothing.

At the door to the tower he listened, and when he heard no one moving around he ran.

**

“Madam Yennefer, a message for you.”

“Odd, a letter coming from my banker.”

“It’s an odd situation, if you don’t mind me saying,” the dwarf twisted his hands.

“Please, explain.” She took the missive in her hand, looking at the odd parchment. When she opened it, it bore five words written in blood. The implement used to write had scratched the fibers of the page, making it hard to read and the blood had trailed along the disrupted grooves. It was hardly legible, but she know how Geralt made his runes. Even if he was clearly badly injured and writing her in blood. Although the marks were like no quill she had ever seen. It was too thick, and far too coarse. Disturbed, she looked up at the dwarf.

“Well. There was a contract for your witcher, and he took it. Went up to meet a sorcerer who said they had information and would also pay for parts of the beast. I don’t know all the details, mind. But Geralt went in, and he never came out. One of my fellows heard that he hadn’t come to pay his inn bill, or the fee for keeping his horse stabled. I had someone go take care of it. The horse is on her way to your home in Vengerberg, where she and his bags will be safe. I also had the money owed settled.”

“And you’ll have it taken from my accounts?”

“I was simply waiting on approval.”

“That’s neatly done then. I’ll need to withdraw some coin, then. To take with me. If you hear anything of Geralt, have it passed along to me as quickly as possible. Here, I’ll leave a kestrel, send it with any news.”

“Done.”

“Giancardi?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

**

He tried to keep track of the days, scratching a mark into the bark of a tree. But after the first week time became meaningless. He knew it might take a full month before Yennefer got his note, assuming she ever did. He had told her the contact might take him weeks. She wouldn’t think to check for ages yet. He was on his own for much longer.

He had dug up various roots he had found, keeping himself alive as best he could, and much to his disgust he had managed to fell a deer and the carcass had fed him for days. Geralt was doing his best to behave as a human might. He tried to keep himself clean. Bathing in the cold stream was even worse with the added fur to soak in and hold the icy water against his skin.

A bear had chased him out of the first cave he found, and then a pack of wolves another. Finally, he had given in and dug himself a sort of shelter, doing his best to create more space by breaking branches and aligning them to create a sort of roof and wall. With his hands thick and unwieldy he could barely manage. Using vines to tie anything was out of the question. The crude lean-to kept the worst of the wind and damp away but he would have given anything for a fire.

When hunters came through and found his shelter, they almost found him. He hadn’t remembered to hide his tracks and they chased him for days. He could endure more, suffer more, but some part of him hoped they would catch him. Kill him and make all of this end.

The longer he was alone in the wild, the more terrifying he became. He caught glimpses of himself in the streams and rivers and puddles… his appearance continued to change and his body never stopped aching.

 **

“Ciri, pack your things. I’ve found a place to hide you and I’ll need you to stay there.”

“Yennefer, I’m hardly in need of that kind of care anymore. I’m capable in my own right.”

“Geralt would never forgive me.”

“If he was taken as part of a contract, I’m your best bet at luring out whoever it was. If they want a witcher, let’s give them a witcher.”

“I don’t intend to use you as bait.”

“Please, Mamma, please. Don’t make me wait here twiddling my thumbs when I’m just as good with a sword as he is. Let me help.”

“One promise or I will use magic to keep you here.”

“What is it?”

“You obey. Something both you and Geralt are terrible at. But this time, you do as I tell you. Or I will send you through a portal to somewhere only I can find you and take you back out.”

“I promise.”

**

When his knees had reversed to match those of the predators whose forest he shared, the agony was so bad he couldn’t move for days. He laid there in the dirt and leaves, bugs crawling over him and didn’t move, and wished for death.

He fought and killed the giant cat that wanted his territory, and the pelt that grew over his body kept him far warmer than his clothes ever had. This time, he had chosen a place far from humans and higher in the mountains where not many bothered to travel to. Hunting was scarce but he had found a cave that was his and had dragged plenty of dried leaves in it to act as a bed. There was a hollow in the back that collected rain that dripped from a crack in the roof and it kept him from having to leave for fresh water too often.

He had no idea how many days had passed. Time had no meaning for an animal. He woke, he hunted, sometimes he ate, and then he slept.

**

“There’s some sort of silvery-haired werewolf living in our woods, you know, Master Dandelion.”

“Oh pish, I know what werewolves look like. The things your villagers have been saying are lies. Some sort of primal man-ape creature living in the woods.”

“We chased him out,” a man interjected. “We caught sight of him and chased him out. Silver haired and yellow eyed, monstrous. Huge claws, sharp teeth, found his dwelling and razed it so he’d never return. Thought about calling ourselves a witcher but we handled it just fine on our own, we did.”

“Silver hair and yellow eyes?”

“Fangs as big as my arm, ‘e jus’ ran though,” another man called out, this one older and missing some teeth. “Big cowar’ly cretchur,” he explained.

Dandelion looked around the tavern. He had planned to meet Geralt a few days ride from here and they had intended to travel together back to Vengerberg to meet with Yennefer and Ciri. Only Geralt hadn’t been in the area that anyone knew of. Not recently. He had come a month or more ago, had met with the sorcerer and disappeared. All heads were nodding in agreement and he felt a moment of concern.

“What tower did you say the sorcerer lived in?”

“Look outside, Master Poet, and see for yourself.”

He finished his beer, gathered up his things, and did exactly that. Gathering up the reins of his horse, he unhitched Pegasus from the post and mounted up, kicking the fat grey gelding into a slow trot.

When he reached the tower he found the door slightly ajar. Fear mounting in his chest he fairly ran up the steps, and was horrified to find blood all over the floor of the tower, shattered glass all over, and … Geralt’s clothes, shredded to pieces. There was no sign of him. The bard looked over the tower, seeing torn paper, broken quills, a shredded cloak, and Geralt’s things. His sword belt had snapped, and he had left his swords. Or was eaten, Dandelion supposed, tears welling up in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks.

Further inspection revealed silvery-white fur littering the room and the heaviest coating was reserved for a bloody corner. “Did it kill you Geralt?” Dandelion asked the swords softly. As if there would be answers there. He lifted them up and gathered up whatever he could of Geralt’s clothes and boots. Some spells required the essence of a person.

He needed to contact Yennefer. And perhaps, with what he’d found, she could do something to track Geralt, or the monster that killed him.

He quickly used the parchment and half a quill to pen a letter, noticing the untouched inkwell. Then he folded it, sealed it after relighting a candle and ran down the steps again, Geralt’s swords crushed to his chest. Dandelion quickly found the messenger service in the town and paid the fee to have his letter sent to Yennefer.

**

Geralt barely knew himself anymore. He knew he was waiting for something. He knew the pouch on his body meant something, but his paws wouldn’t allow him to open it. He couldn’t get it off over his head, it was stuck in matted fur and dried blood. Eventually it snagged on something, choking him and he tore it free, not caring that the strap shredded. He gathered it up in his teeth, the sharp fangs snagging on the leather and brought it back to his cave and left it there among the leaves he used as a bed.

Whatever it was, he couldn’t get to it.

**

“Yennefer!”

“Dandelion!” They hugged briefly. Their affections for each other were largely glued together by Geralt. While they were fond of each other, he was what brought them together.

“I found his things, or what was left of them, I see you got my letter?”

“I got this from him, too, about a day or two before your letter found me.”

“Is… is that blood?”

“It is, his, I think. You’ve been staying in the area?”

“I got the locals to show me the direction they had chased the supposed monster in. I found signs of the habitation, I don’t know… if it’s the thing that killed Geralt, or something he was trying to kill, or what happened to him.”

“I stopped by the tower on the way here, all the blood was his. It called out to the blood on the paper. You’d best show me around the area the monster was in, if it killed him his blood will sing out wherever it was left.”

“And if it didn’t? How will we find him?”

“If he’s injured by it, or kept tracking it, it’ll lead us to wherever his blood was last spilled. We’ll find him. If we can.”

“Ciri?”

“With the horses, waiting. She promised to obey me in all things or I would portal her into a dungeon on a mountain where no one could get to her. At least not without a portal. I’ve promised her that she will help us track down the beast. Or mage. Geralt wrote ‘cursed.’ I don’t… I don’t know what to think. Was he cursed and killed by the monster? Was he cursed… in another way? Was all that fur in the tower his?” her voice shook.

“I don’t know,” the poet said grimly. “I don’t know. But if he’s alive we’ll find him. In whatever condition, and we’ll break the curse, and we’ll take him with us and we’ll put him to rights. It’s what he’d do for us, and what we’ve done for him before, and we’ll do it again. As often as it takes.”

“I miss him, Dandelion. I hadn’t expected to see him for another few weeks, our plan was to meet later, as you well know. But I miss him and it terrifies me there’s no sign of him. I’ll get Ciri, and you can show me the woods.”

**

The monster pawed loosely at the leather in his bed. The hard object inside had hurt him when he’d slept on it, digging into the flesh of his side. Arrows had broken off in his body after an attack he hardly remembered, and whatever it was in his bed had pressed into it, making it hurt worse. He pawed feebly at the wounds, knowing they were infected, but his clawed paws couldn’t pull out the arrowhead. He had scratched himself raw and bloody, creating a further mess in his side. His body didn’t bend to allow him to lick it clean or care for it, he moved half upright and half on all fours, but he hadn’t gone to hunt in a few days.

Food had passed by his cave, but he had stayed, trying to regain his strength and heal. Some part of him remembered cool hands touching him, easing the pains and hurts in his body. Something had cramped his gut and made him ill and he had fallen a long ways, and those hands had nursed him back to health. But it made no sense, his only clear memories of humans were violent and painful. If they saw him, they chased him screaming and firing arrows and waving swords.

They were right to fear him, his slavering jaws and cruel claws were to be hated and feared.

Continued attempts to discover the source of his discomfort in the leather pouch allowed him to open it, claws tearing and shredding, and a round metal object fell out, skittering across the cave floor to land near his water supply.

When he reached out to touch it, nudging it with his muzzle, he roared in pain, feeling his face burn and welts raise up on his sensitive nose. Whimpering and howling, he leaves it alone, afraid to touch it again and curls back on his uninjured side in the leaves.

**

“He bled heavily here, look. Someone shot arrows into him,” Ciri lifted up the fletched half of an arrow. “Broke off, or he broke it off and pulled it through. Don’t see the other half anywhere, though. He was alive when he left here.”

“The question is, was he chasing the beast that the townsfolk were, or is he the beast?”

“Yennefer, don’t say that. Witchers aren’t that strange.”

“Dandelion, he said he was cursed. His blood is all over. He’s still alive, as far as we know, but there’s been no sign of him. The footprints we found are far too large to belong to a normal man, with evidence of clawed feet. So if this is Geralt’s blood, where are his footprints?”

“Yennefer, look, by the shelter, there’s notches in the tree. Keeping track of time. If it was Geralt, he was here a little over a week. Hunting, or waiting for help.”

“Then we press on.”

**

The monster went out hunting, the pain in its side making it gasp and wheeze with each breath. But it had to eat. Food was survival. It got lucky and stumbled across an injured rabbit. The creature hardly lasted a second once the monster had it, ripping it open with stubby claws and sharp teeth. It wasn’t enough, but the rabbit would keep it alive a bit longer.

A little stronger from the meal, it snuffled around, bloody drool hanging off its jaw as it rooted around for tubers in the dirt, digging them out with its paws and eating them straight from the ground. Some part of it knew things weren’t right, but it assumed it was the festering open sores in its side, and not the meal.

After it had dug up what it could, it moved on, looking for something else to eat.

**

“Look, bones.” Ciri kicked over a bundle of them, chunks of fur still clinging in some places.

“He’s out here somewhere,” Yennefer says slowly, hands held out, the letter tucked into her belt. She had opted to wear men’s clothing and a cap over her hair to make travel easier. The woods were not easy to traverse in her usual gowns. “More of his blood here than anywhere we’ve been other than the tower.”

“Something with white hair rubbed up against a tree here, and it’s soaked in blood,” Dandelion calls softly. He looks around the woods, feeling lost. The sun is high in the sky, they weren’t sleeping much. They rested once it was too dark to make the horses go on, and pressed on the minute the sky turned grey with predawn light. He touched the scratched bark and noted the blood was old. There were signs of a creature living in the area, something large. The fur and blood was around shoulder height. “It’s large, whatever it is. Do we think he’s hunting it and got hurt, or do we think he is it?”

“I don’t know,” Yennefer rubbed at her temples. “He would have left us a trail sign, if he was able. I can’t help but think perhaps it is him. But I haven’t seen any time markers, or evidence of him hiding his tracks, but I never saw him doing that before either. But the ‘beast’ the villagers chased, when we looked around that area… it was sentient. Smart enough to brush away tracks, and build a shelter. There’s none of this here. I don’t know, Dandelion. I don’t know. I won’t know until we find one of them. Or if it’s both in one, him.”

“I found some evidence of marking, look, just like a bear does.”

“Good, Ciri, any blood?”

“Some, the blood doesn’t look healthy. Infection. Geralt’s injured.” There was plenty of it splattering the leaves around the tree marked with deep gouges. She found bits of broken claw just like she might have a cat would leave on a rug. Lifting up a chipped piece, the marks had to have been caused by a claw longer than her fingers.

The monster pricked up its ears when it heard voices. It hadn’t heard humans in ages. It swiveled its ears and prepared to run. The injury in its side was exhausting it, and it gathered itself slowly. It would wait until they were too close to avoid, but it hoped they would go and it could stay. It would hate to give up its warm cave and safe watering hole.

It didn’t understand the speech, or the words they were calling out. It just knew the cry was sad, and lonely, and it lay there in the detritus, knowing somewhere in its monster’s heart, the cry hurt.

“Geralt! Geralt are you out there? Geralt! We’ve come to find you, please call out if you can hear me us!” Dandelion shouted at the top of his voice. He was able to be far louder than either Ciri or Yennefer.

Ciri continued to look for tracks, and finally realized she was seeing them. Five deep even punctures, long claws that couldn’t be retracted. It would be painful to walk on anything but loose dirt, where the claws would provide traction. She followed them to a cave and to her shock saw something glinting in the back.

Drawing her sword, she cautiously swept forward. “I see something!” she called back behind her, hoping that she was about to find one of Geralt’s daggers, or something that would indicate he was alive and well.

The leaves littering the cave floor were covered in white hair and blood and reeked of infection. The creature was sick. Badly injured. Or… Geralt was badly injured. She carefully sifted through the leaves and came across a torn leather pouch. It wasn’t Geralt’s, but it meant a human had been here. The pouch was shredded and the strap broken. In the mess of the pouch she found scraps of black cloth. “Geralt.” She sheathed her sword and stepped closer to the small pool of water and almost fainted in a mix of relief and horror when she saw his medallion lying there on the ground. “Yennefer! Dandelion!” Her voice was not as loud as the bard’s, but she could still scream.

The monster’s ears twitched. The humans had invaded its home. A low growl rumbled through it and it snuffled miserably. It was in no shape to fight them out. Its home was lost, again. But it was sick of being forced out of its home by other animals, and it had found a good spot and it didn’t want to leave. Aching and pained, it heard the continued howling and babbling of the humans and dragged itself up, prowling around the edges of the clearing around its cave. It didn’t want to be seen early, but humans were weak prey, perhaps it could scare them off or win the fight. If they didn’t have the things that would stick in him and hurt him so badly.

“His medallion, look!” Ciri held it up with trembling hands.

“Oh, he never takes that off, not ever,” Dandelion moans softly. “Oh, the thing ate him! It isn’t him, he was here hunting it, and he got eaten!”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Yennefer snapped. “It isn’t bloodied. It was kept in a bag wrapped in the scraps of his shirt, look.” She lifted up the black fabric scraps and the remains of the leather satchel. “This cave is filled with his blood all over the leaves,” she lifted up a few. “He’s been camping here.”

Ciri edged towards the front of the cave and froze. “Yennefer,” her voice was tight.

A smallish human, female. Another small human female, and a small male. Nothing that should be too troubling. It didn’t see any of the sharp implements that hurt it so much earlier.

“What?”

“Come here, please, look, do you see it, too?”

“See what?” the sorceress snapped impatiently, holding her hands out to try and sense more blood. There was more, something near the cave mouth. She got up and went over to Ciri and peered out over her shoulder, hands held up in front of her. “I….” she croaked. “I see… Geralt? Geralt is that you? Step into the light, come here, I can’t undo the curse if you won’t come over….”

The beast in the woods growled at her and slunk forward, teeth bared. Saliva ran over its jaws in thick ropey strands. White fur covered its body and it walked with an odd mix of all legs and just the back two, giving it an odd lolling gate.

“He’s injured… its? Mamma… is… is that Geralt?”

“Dandelion, get out of the cave, we’ll corner him in there. Or it. We’ll find out in a moment but be out of the way. Ciri, can you circle back behind it, keep it from running?”

“His eyes…. That’s… that’s got to be him….” her voice came out as a hoarse whisper. But she gathered herself. “Yes, I’ll flank him, he’s hurt badly.”

Dandelion stepped out of the cave and swore. The creature in front of him flinched and growled, peeling its lips back from bloody pink gums to bare sharp white fangs. “Geralt?” his voice came out as a whimper. “Oh, Geralt. Fuck. Yennefer it’s Geralt.”

The monster wasn’t sure what the noises meant, but they still sounded sad. A wolf with no pack. It rested a front paw on the ground, leaning heavily. Its breaths came out short and sharp, side aching. It flared its nostrils wide, taking in their scent. One smelled like ice and something else it didn’t understand. The other smelled like flowers in the meadow, and the smallest of them smelled like the sea and something it couldn’t place. Something familiar. They all smelled familiar but the monster didn’t know humans. It had always been this way, always alone, and always terrifying to behold.

When the dark haired one lifted its hands he flinched and snarled, gnashing his teeth at her. He could remember curls on his fingers. Other than he’d never had fingers. The other one, the one breathing hard and whimpering made noise. Beautiful noise with his hands and mouth. But the small one, the small one was his. He rushed the first one, he would chase them out and the odd feelings would stop. So would the odd images in his head.

Yennefer stepped aside when he charged, she had seen the muscles in his body tense. Dandelion was right, she could feel the magic, the curse was active and changing constantly. When his first charge didn’t work, he tried to circle back but Ciri had closed in on him and shouted, waving her arms widely behind him and Dandelion joined her, cutting off his other avenue of escape. Between the three of them blocking his way he roared in frustration and then ran into the cave, trying to defend the entryway.

Ciri brought out his medallion, holding it out to him, and he backed away, whimpering from them, the silver burned. The monster remembered the silver burned. It wanted nothing to do with them. When he made to charge them again the small one drew a blade and slapped at him with the flat of it.

He cowered low, confused, and terrified, pain glazing his eyes. It was so hard to breathe and all the exertion the humans were causing was making it even harder to get enough air. He hadn’t been eating well, barely able to hunt, and while he had done his best to pull the arrowheads from his side or to rub them against a tree and force them out, he couldn’t. The infection kept his skin hot and rotted the fur around the wound.

“Geralt, it’s me,” Ciri told him quietly.

Geralt meant nothing to him. Neither did the sounds. But the voice was kind, and he hoped that perhaps they would simply kill him quickly.

Yennefer pressed in on his other side, “this is badly infected, and has been. If he was gone at least a month before we started looking, and it’s taken us at least another one to find him… they shot at him near two months ago, it’s a miracle he’s alive.”

Fear and pain dropped him to his side, and he whimpered once, letting his head drop to the leaves, feeling them tickle against his muzzle. Drool slowly began to cover the ground under his head and he waited for them to kill him.

“Let me see, Geralt, let me see it, I can help,” she said in her best attempt at a soothing voice. “Ciri, I don’t think he’s lost all the fight in him yet. Help me. Dandelion? Get our packs, we’ll need them. Also, firewood.”

Yennefer jumped back just in time as he lunged and snapped at her, and he would have taken off her arm if she hadn’t been waiting for him to attack her.

Dandelion came back in to see Geralt lying on his side, wheezing, tongue lolling with his eyes rolling in panic in his head. “What did you do to him?”

“Nothing, he tried to attack me and he keeled over,” Yennefer said brusquely.

“Yen, he’s starving,” Ciri said softly. She tried approaching him, hands out, and he lifted his muzzle and snapped at her, growling savagely.

“There’s food in the packs, Dandelion, get out all of it.”

“Will that work?” he asked quietly, dropping the packs to the ground immediately and starting to dig out their travel rations. They had dried meat, hardtack, hard cheese, and they had stopped by a small settlement at the edge of the woods and had some root vegetables and a large loaf of slightly stale bread. They had eaten the other loaves already.

Ciri wasn’t listening, she grabbed up the cheese, meat, and bread, watching Geralt as his nostrils flared and pupils dilated slightly at the sight of food. He licked his chops and continued to pant, lying there and staring at the food. He watched her, watched her hands, and when she lightly tossed a bit of meat he opened his jaws and snapped it up, gulping it down before it could be taken.

He startled when he looked at her next and she was closer, the fur rising up along his back and shoulders and he growled again, a low warning growl. Then the small one held up another piece of meat and lightly tossed it to him, and he snapped that up, as well. There wasn’t enough to fill his belly, not by a long shot, but the girl had more. The blonde girl. The one who smelled familiar. She threw him another piece and then stepped closer. He kept his hackles up, teeth bared after he ate the next piece.

Before he knew it, she was within biting distance, and held up a piece of cheese. He couldn’t recall the taste of it, but the sight and smell made him drool.

“Ciri, be careful,” Yennefer whispered, worried. “Dandelion, get us firewood, and we’ll try and set some snares, he needs to eat more. Although if we could shrink him back down to his usual size, we won’t need as much food… the… the little settlement, they were… a few hours out? Can you make it there for more food and back? Take my palfrey to carry the food, and ride Roach down, don’t take Pegasus. I know you don’t want to leave him, but I can create a spell to keep him from leaving the cave… and it won’t stick if I’m not here to hold it. Can you go?”

“Already leaving, but firewood first?”

“Please,” she said, watching those yellow eyes in the dim light of the cave. They had an odd sheen and she imagined if he’d been human, he would have burned with fever. She could smell the rot in his side. He was near the size of a horse, and she wasn’t sure how much it would take to feed him, but she could feel the edges of the curse, but not the conditions.

The bard stepped out quickly, rushing about to gather up wood. The sooner he left the sooner he could come back. And perhaps they would have made some progress with Geralt in his absence. They had healing supplies with them, they had anticipated he would be hurt. Just, not like this. They had never anticipated this.

Ciri got a little closer, holding out the rest of the cheese. He tipped his head up and his tongue flicked out to grab it, and he swallowed the chunk whole. She was close enough to rest a hand on his muzzle, but she didn’t. She could see the way he kept trying to watch both her and Yennefer, fear making his rib cage flutter as he fought to breathe. “Oh, Geralt,” she said softly. “We’re here now, we’ll fix it.” She tore the loaf of bread into chunks and sat, letting the pieces rest in her lap. She held out another one and he took it from her.

After the last chunk was devoured, she slowly reached out to touch his muzzle. “This isn’t right you know,” she told him quietly, watching as Yennefer held her hands out, brow furrowed in concentration. He flinched away from her, but she ignored it, gently stroking the damp white fur.

The noises she made almost made sense, like a forgotten memory. The food in his belly wasn’t enough, but it was different than the raw meat and whatever he could dig up and scarf down.

“Mamma, please bring me the rest of the food,” she said quietly, idly stroking the fur between his eyes. “He’s still hungry.” Ciri watched some of the fight go out of his body, paws curling as he lay there. His ears swiveled around tracking Yennefer as she moved around the cave. The panting got worse as Yennefer moved, but eased when she was back in his line of sight.

“I can’t imagine he’ll enjoy hardtack.”

“No one enjoys it, that isn’t the point,” Ciri sniffed, and then carefully fed Geralt the rest of their food supplies. He was exhausted, she could tell. He reminded her of her grandfather’s hounds after too long of a hunt. Too tired to rest. She kept up the gently stroking and leaned forward to touch his leathery ears. They were soft and warm, and his eyes closed when she started gently stroking them. Yennefer moved again, shoes scraping on the floor and his eyes opened, and he snarled again, wheezing after. “It’s alright, you’re alright,” Ciri promised him, scratching the top of his muzzle and then the rough hair of his cheeks before moving under his chin. The fur was soaked in spittle but she didn’t mind. It was Geralt. The yellow eyes closed in pleasure and she kept it up as his body slowly relaxed and eased.

Yennefer put her hands over his wound, and he opened one eye to stare, dragging his lip back over his teeth to show her their sharpness.

“Geralt, it’s alright,” Ciri said softly, and the words almost had meaning. His ears flicked forward to her and she smiled at him. “Do you want me to keep talking to you?”

Yennefer watched carefully, and then gently laid her hands on his side, feeling the heat and swelling radiating from the wound. The initial injury had to be somewhere in the middle of his ribs, but it had radiated from shoulder to flank and her heart dropped. He was very ill. Dangerously ill. Half starved, he didn’t have what he needed to fight off the infection that was killing him.

His skin twitched and rippled under her palms, and she felt tears slide over her cheeks. They could save him, it would be even easier to do it if they could turn him back. “True love often breaks curses,” she tells Ciri quietly. “Can you keep him calm while I come around to his head?”

“You plan to kiss him on the mouth?”

“No, the forehead,” Yennefer told her dryly.

Ciri stuck out her tongue impudently and continued to let her hands smooth the thick white fur under her palms. “I imagine you’re exhausted. You’ve been running a while, and you’re hurting badly. I’m sorry Geralt. I’m sorry we didn’t find you sooner. You can understand me, can’t you? I want you to understand me.”

Yennefer knelt down at his head and gently started stroking his fur. “I love you,” she told him gently. “Even when we’re fighting, or I’m angry, I always love you. I always will. We always love each other.” She leaned over him and ignored the way his lips peeled back from his gums and kissed him gently on the top of his head, feeling the coarse fur brush her lips. She pulled away, tears dripping down her cheeks to soak into his fur. “Oh Geralt, what kind of curse weas this? Can you talk to me? Can you understand us?” There was a catch in her voice and she hated it.

Both she and Ciri waited with bated breath, and Ciri sighed when nothing happened. Tears ran down her cheeks when she realized Geralt wasn’t miraculously changing back. They sat with him, stroking and comforting him until it started to get cool.

Yennefer gathered up leaves and the firewood and started a fire. Geralt had started to tremble and she knew he was going to need help staying warm. The fur didn’t seem to be doing him much good. Not with the illness such as it was. It was obvious he had tried to get the arrowheads out, but she could see part of the shaft of one still sticking out. He had probably driven them deeper in, dangerously close to his lungs.

She planned to wait until Dandelion got back before she attempted to pull the arrows out and start any of the healing process. They would need to boil water and prepare bandages and two sets of hands wouldn’t be enough.

Ciri kept up a steady stream of chatter, and Yennefer gasped in surprise when Geralt nodded his head to something she said. Ciri looked up at her in shock, and then kept talking, her words speeding up with an almost frantic edge. He didn’t seem to know what she wanted from him when she tried asking him questions.

“Let him rest, Ciri, let him sleep, he’s exhausted.”

They kept vigil together, hands gently smoothing the matted white fur on his head and chest. Dandelion came back before full dark, laden with bags of food and more bandaging.

Geralt woke up at the sound and with raised hackles, snarling and growling, he staggered up on all fours, backing himself into the wall of the cave.

“Stop!” Ciri said quietly, holding her hands up. “Geralt, it’s me, you know me, it’s Ciri. I’m your destiny. Geralt, do you remember? I’m your destiny. Tell me, nod, something, but tell me you understand. Do it!”

“Ciri,” Yennefer said softly, putting a hand on her shoulder, not expecting Geralt to respond. But instead he whined low in his throat and ducked his head, ears flattening and tail curling up between his legs. He bobbed his head lightly and stepped closer to her, snuffling her shirt and allowing her to pet him and scratch him around his neck and under his chin.

“He understands,” Dandelion said softly, voice awed.

“Feed him,” Yennefer told him immediately. “We need to feed him,” she added. Perhaps the bard was his true love, perhaps the bard would break the spell.

Dandelion pulled a roast chicken he’d purchased specifically for Geralt. He unwrapped it from the linen it had been wrapped in. Carefully, he edged in until he could hand Geralt the food. Dandelion jumped when Geralt carefully took it from him, mindful not to bite his hands. “Oh sweet Melitele, is that really him? Is that really you? Oh, Geralt. You’re so large, how can we possibly keep you full?”  He bravely put out a hand and let Geralt snuffle his palm, smiling when he received a lick for his troubles. “I love you so much,” he smiled. It was easy to step in closer and he wrapped his arms around Geralt’s neck, kissing his cheek.

“Fuck,” Yennefer said softly, she had hoped. She had hoped so much that if it wasn’t her it would be Dandelion. They could worry about the curse once they cleaned out his wounds, at least. She would figure out how to undo it, since true love wasn’t going to do it, or he hadn’t met his yet.

“What?”

“I had hoped that would break the spell.”

“Geralt,” Ciri smiled. “Come lie down, let us see your side, it hurts right?”

Dropping his head, he let the words wash over him. He could mostly understand now. ‘Geralt’ still didn’t mean anything to him, but ‘hurt’ was a word he knew. He laid down where he was, unwilling to get too close to the flames.

“You’re so big,” Ciri mumbled, smoothing hands over his skull. “I wish you were smaller, like you were. Do you remember? Geralt? Do you remember being human?” she asked gently. “You were a good size, the proper size for a witcher. The perfect height for hugging,” she added.

“Ciri, whatever you do, keep talking, don’t stop,” Yennefer told her quietly. “Don’t stop.”

“When I was younger I barely came up to your waist, and you put me up on your shoulders in Broklin, do you remember? You called me a brat and threatened to belt me if I wouldn’t behave. Your shoulders are a little broader than Dandelion’s, do you remember? But strong. You’re so strong. And we can take care of you better if you were back to your usual size.” She felt his head start to shrink under her hands, and her breath caught in her throat only for tears to pour over her cheeks when she saw he wasn’t changing, just shrinking some. When he finished, he still looked the same, he was still covered in fur, and still barely resembled a human in the loosest sense possible.

“That’s better,” Yennefer told her.

“How do we change him back?”

“I don’t know, Ciri, but first we have to make sure he doesn’t die.”

It took them half the night to cut away the putrid flesh to allow Yennefer to pull the arrowheads out of the festering wounds they’d created. Geralt had snarled, snapped, and made pitiful attempts to attack them the pain was so bad. It was clearly he didn’t quite know them and didn’t understand all the words they said to him. When they tried to return his medallion, he whined and whimpered, drawing back with his hackles up and tail between his legs.

They stayed with him a week in the cave before they gained any more ground. Keeping the wounds clean and clear of infection had been near impossible, and he had gotten sicker and sicker with each day that passed. It was terrifying, wondering if they would lose him without him ever knowing who they were or who he was. They would have tried his elixirs but since he was nothing like himself, they didn’t know how they would react with his body chemistry and they might kill him immediately.

Dandelion made routine trips down the mountain and back to bring up more food and supplies. They kept Geralt fed, and as comfortable as they could. The next bit of progress was made when he curled up between his lovers’ bedrolls. After that, he started to respond to his name, and would nod or shake his head.

Yennefer made little to no progress on the curse other than to say it was still active and adapting and she wasn’t sure how to break it yet, it was too flexible. Geralt was also still incredibly weak and sick, and prone to pacing until he was panting too hard to breathe and would simply lay on the cave floor, wheezing until he fell asleep again. They were all miserable.

Ciri woke up, unsurprised to feel Geralt’s bulk pressed against her back. She rolled over and wrapped an arm around his neck. “You were human like us, you know,” she told him softly. She tickled his ear, watching it twitch away from her touch. “You had ears like mine. And hands I could hold. Hands that could hold me. I miss that. You weren’t covered in fur either. I used to brush your hair, do you remember? I would brush it and oil it and keep it clean. You won’t let us bathe you,” she wrinkled her nose. “Even though you need it. You make a very smelly whatever you are. I think if you had less fur it would help.” When she reached up to tease his ear again, it wasn’t there, and she sat up to look and saw a human ear nestled in all the fur, hairless and pale, just like it had been before.

When Yennefer and Dandelion woke next, they immediately noticed the change and monitored him for others, but saw nothing other than perhaps less fur, but they couldn’t be sure. He was docile at almost all times, even when having his wounds poked at.

“Geralt,” Ciri started one night, tickling the pads of his paws, pushing her fingertips against the blunt claws at the ends. “Do you ever miss holding hands? I think I would. I miss training with you, so even if you don’t miss holding hands, do you think you miss holding a sword?”

She gasped when the claws against her fingertips melted away and the pads of his paws followed after, fingers elongating as his hands became human. He flexed them in wonder, he couldn’t recall what he had looked like or felt like before. He barely knew himself, but hands made it far easier to eat. Exhausted, he fell asleep and didn’t wake until the next morning.

When he felt tapping against his teeth he woke up and tried not to snarl. It was just Ciri.

“These are ridiculously large, you know, they don’t even fit in your mouth, Geralt. What kind of idiot mage cursed you with these? It makes no sense, you can’t close your mouth, you drool all over your fur… you’re very messy.” She opened her mouth and pointed, “These are what your teeth should look like,” she informed him. “Your whole head should look more like mine,” she added. “I don’t see what the fur adds, either, if I’m being honest.”

She wasn’t surprised this time when magic crackled and swirled around him as his teeth and jaw shrank, his muzzle flattening into his skull to form an almost human jawline.

More days passed and none of her suggestions took. His memory seemed to be coming back and while he couldn’t speak, he could write, fingers in the dirt. They communicated well enough, until one day he just stopped.

When they went to bed he was there, and when they woke up, he was gone.

They split up to find him, he had remembered to hide his tracks. Ciri found him some time well after midnight.

“Geralt? Don’t run, please don’t go.”

“Ciri,” his voice grated from his throat. “Go, just go. Please…”

“Why?”

He had pressed himself against a hollow log, seeking some small shelter from the cold. No fire, nothing. No clothes. He still mostly moved hunched over, rather than upright. He was so ashamed. “I don’t want you to see me like this,” his voice broke.

“I love you,” she said simply. “How you look doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a monster,” his voice broke. He could remember now, all of it. How he had failed them. “The curse didn’t change me, it revealed me,” he told her hoarsely. “The curse was to show my true self,” he whispered, bloody tears trailing over his cheeks. “Go away, Ciri,” he told her more firmly, baring his teeth and lunging at her.

She didn’t move. “No. No, I will not. You can’t make me. You told me once you would always be there for me. We would never be apart. You haven’t done the best of jobs keeping that promise. I’m going to hold you to it, now.”

“Please,” he moaned. “Ciri, you don’t deserve the horror of having someone like me in your life.”

“Horror? The horror?” She slapped him before she could stop herself. “You idiot!” He didn’t make a move to stop her, or to cower away from another strike when she raised her hand again and she stared in shock at what she’d done. “I’m sorry!” She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly and sobbing. “I love you, Geralt, I love you, there’s nothing horrible about you!”

He hesitated before holding her, thinking of the things he had done with his hands recently. Digging around like a boar, ripping rabbits open to eat them raw and bloody. He shouldn’t touch her. “Ciri, I’m a monster,” he told her softly. “Inside and out, I’m… let me go. I… it would be better if I just disappeared.”

“No!” she clung even more tightly to him, tangling her fingers in his fur and hanging on tightly, her tears and snot soaking the fur on his shoulder. His own bloody tears dripped into her hair, staining the strands pinkish red. “You aren’t a monster! You’re Geralt! You’re a witcher, and a mutant, but not a monster! Even if you never change back, even if you look like this forever, you aren’t a monster. Your outside has nothing to do with your inside! You taught me that! You, and Eskel, and Lambert, and Coën. I was so afraid at first, but I know now. I know witchers are just men, Geralt.” She couldn’t keep talking when another sob choked her and she fell silent.  

Her sobs shook her entire body and she clung to him so tightly he had no hope of dislodging her. He shifted as best he could to hold her, and stroke her hair, and soothe her. He didn’t notice when her tears fell on his bare skin, didn’t notice the crackle of magic around him as he worked to hold her better, closer. He wanted to be the man she wanted him to be. He loved her. She was his child surprise.

“Ciri, I… I’m not what you think I am, I can’t be who you want me to be.”

She screamed in rage, shaking her head against his chest, slamming her fists weakly against him as she battered his chest, sobbing harshly. “Don’t leave me!”

He didn’t try to stop her from hitting him, the blows didn’t hurt. And even if they had, he deserved them. He let her vent her rage and fear against him, and ran his forearm across his nose and eyes, trying to clear them. Geralt didn’t notice he wiped tears against his skin, the fur covering his arm gone.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, rocking her back and forth on the forest floor, ignoring the unpleasant sensation of detritus poking into his legs and backside. “I love you, Ciri, I love you. I’ll stay. I’ll stay.”

Yennefer and Dandelion came upon them some time later, the sky grey with the coming dawn.

“Geralt!” Yennefer cried out in shock, rushing forward to drop to her knees beside them, wrapping her arms around them and kissing him hard. He looked at her in shock. He could feel her palms on his cheeks. Feel the scrape of stubble, not fur, on her hands. Her skin was cool against his, like it always was.

Before he could process it, Dandelion was at his other side, holding him tightly and swearing vehemently at him and the whole world. The bard rocked them all back and forth slightly, kissing Geralt’s face, neck, shoulder, and any part of him he could reach without pushing Ciri out of his way.

The bandaging had come loose as his body shifted and changed, and the impact and hugging along with everything else had aggravated his wounds.

“Ciri, Ciri, look, Ciri,” Yennefer stroked her hair, gently pulling her away from Geralt’s chest. “Look, look at him.”

“Oh, Geralt,” Ciri said softly, her voice full of wonder as she stoked his hair, and then his face. “You’re you again,” she hiccupped and sobbed. She ran her hands over his face and hair and shoulders over and over, kissing his cheeks and forehead as she did, frequently bumping heads with either Yennefer or Dandelion who kept touching and kissing him, too.

When he started to shiver, they pulled away in concern. Dandelion dragged off his cloak and wrapped it around Geralt’s shoulders, as Yennefer and Ciri went to get the horses. Dandelion helped him to his feet, tucking the cloak around him tightly. He held Geralt as the sun rose, glad to have him back.

Geralt had near forgotten how to walk like a man, much less ride, in the months he’d spent living as a beast. With a little help from the poet, he was able to mount up when Yennefer returned with Ciri and their mounts. They would get near the edge of the settlement and find him something to wear until they could go home.

He had agreed in spite of his deep fear, to allow Yennefer to portal them to Vengerberg after, and to begin his recovery in earnest there. His wounds would need further care, and he needed time to rest. He was exhausted. But he was home. And returned to the people who loved him.

[clawsanddiamonds]

IC PORTION; BASICS —

CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS: Selina Kyle / Catwoman

FACECLAIM: Morena Baccarin

AFFILIATIONS: Most notably, herself.

AGE (physical age as well, if different): 37

SPECIES (human, metahuman, alien, etc): Human

IS YOUR CHARACTER’S IDENTITY SECRET OR PUBLIC? Secret

IF SECRET, OR YOUR CHARACTER IS A CIVILIAN, DO THEY HAVE A CIVILIAN OCCUPATION? Hell no, unless you count thievery as an occupation. Her pockets are deep, certainly enough to sustain a temporary stay in Sokovia.

DOES YOUR CHARACTER LIVE IN THE MOUSEHOLE? IF SO, WHAT ARE THEIR DUTIES? No

DESCRIBE SIX TRAITS (3 positive, 3 negative) YOUR CHARACTER HAS AND HOW THESE AFFECT THEM: +Bonus: LOVED BY CATS. + Adaptable and independent: She will do what it takes to survive. Selina’s survival instincts are almost unparalleled - whatever it takes to make it, she will do it. She has worked so hard to create herself from the ground (under, even) up, and refuses to let anything stand in her way. She makes her own rules and only follows those, and even then sometimes changes things up. + Charismatic: Social engineering is the name of the Catwoman game, and it is something Selina excels at. Despite the manipulation piece, there is no denying that Selina Kyle has charm and will be the center of attention if that’s what she desires. She excels at manipulating social scenarios to exactly what she desires them to be, and to be successful at that she certainly has to be charming with dazzling smiles and easy-flowing conversation. + Intelligent: Strength and intelligence go hand-in-hand in the world Selina has found herself in, and she was blessed to not be lousy of either. Selina’s intelligence is often as quick as her whip, and she’s quick on her feet (ha) and outside of the box as well. Her heists and plans are usually overly organized and well thought out with a large deal of thought and planning behind them, always with many contingencies in case things go awry. Selina is able to process things very quickly and react in kind, an absolute necessity in her line of work. - Selfish / narcissistic: At the end of the day, Selina’s one and only priority is herself. While, at times, she certainly can show compassion and concern for others, her biggest concern is her own wellbeing and her comfort. Selina’s need to be self-serving and independent is number one, and overrides most other desires and needs in her life. - Distrusting / doesn’t play well with others: Letting people in is something that Selina avoids at all costs, considering her history and the things that she has been through. Her initial instinct is to distrust (and usually dislike), and it is hard to sway away from the initial impression. After all, her survival has depended on this many times over. Feeling attached or contained is anxiety-driving for her, and therefore, she avoids it. Those that she does let in and trust are few and far between, and those relationships are often complicated: Selina is not above sabotaging these relationships out of fear, and to prove that she needs no one. - Calculating: Selina is always ten steps ahead, which can certainly be seen positively in many lights but her intentions are usually poor. When pushed, Selina can be manipulative, cruel and devious. Her cunning is always razor sharp and her plans and heists will use strategies crafted precisely to the weaknesses available to her. After all, anything you can do, she can do better.

POWERS AND/OR ABILITIES: peak human condition, extreme agility, near perfect balance and reflexes, acrobatics, hand-to-hand combat, martial arts, boxing, disguise, stealth, thievery, proficient with most weaponry she can get her paws on.

WEAKNESSES: Physically, she’s absolutely human so there are absolutely downfalls to that. Personality wise, she’s absolutely unable to back down from a challenge and struggles with a conflicting internal moral compass quite a bit and has a pathological need for freedom.

IC PORTION; DETAILS —

WHAT BROUGHT YOUR CHARACTER TO SOKOVIA? In short? The masquerade hosted by the UN had certainly caught her attention, and Selina found herself an alias and managed to snag an invitation. Unfortunately, things got a little dicey before she managed to snag any real items of interest, even if she did make off with more than a few wallets and some jewelry. However, consider her interest piqued enough for her to make a temporary stay in Sokovia after the disaster that was the masquerade. After all, there’s definitely more she can do here.

DID THEY SIGN THE ACCORDS? WHY OR WHY NOT? No.

PROVIDE 3-5 HEADCANONS RELATED TO YOUR CHARACTER: Selina quietly donates funds under various aliases to group homes and charities dedicated to young children that grew up in similar situations as she did, trying to save other girls from the horrors she had to face so young. Selina was severely claustrophobic as a child and teen, and still feels a sense of panic when enclosed in tight spaces. She has an extreme fear of being trapped, doesn’t like to feel blocked in, though has been able to hone in one her ability to keep the panic down as she’s gotten older. Selina thoroughly enjoys dancing, in just about any facet. It’s a way to let loose, almost like fighting without the bruises and the blood. Dislikes background noises, such as music for the sake of just having it on or the TV on in the background. Selina much prefers the quiet. Selina associates Catwoman almost as a separate entity, a separate part of herself that she has become reliant on. She feels as though she is a different person when she puts on the suit - stronger, angrier, less concerned about the consequences of her actions. Catwoman has become a part of her, personally as well as professionally. Selina has a slight sense of disgust for the vigilantes that include children in their antics and take them on as sidekicks. She works alongside them at times and has a desperate urge to protect the children, especially after seeing most of them injured or tortured and some of them die.

CHARACTER BIO — tw: everything. e v e r y t h i n g. drugs, alcohol, pedophilia mentions, teenage prostitutes, murder, suicide ...everything.                                                                                                                                          

In life, there are really two choices: you adapt, or you die. Selina prided herself on avoiding the latter, which meant she excelled at the former. A tragic backstory goes hand-in-hand with most Gothamites, and Selina was no exception: her mother died by her own hand when Selina was just a child, leaving her and her sister in the care of a father unfit and unwilling for the job, leaving the girls to fend for themselves. Social workers made quick work of plucking Selinga and Magdalene from the Kyle household, depositing them instead into Sprang Hill, a group home of sorts. Selina found that Sprang Hill was not much better than being out on her own, and found herself fighting to keep her and her sister safe. Her behavior was considered less than appropriate and ideal, and so Selina was sent away from Sprang Hill at the age of eleven, separating her from her sister. Sea Gate was worse than Sprang Hill, worse than Selina could have imagined, and so the fight for survival continued. The director of Sea Gate was cruel and believed in harsh discipline, and seemed to have a mission to break Selina and make her compliant, though he was largely unsuccessful. She was about thirteen when she learned of the director’s crimes, primarily embezzling money from the program, and was bold enough to brag about her findings. This resulted in Selina finding herself back on the streets, but not before the man in question tried to have her killed: Selina was drugged, thrown into a bag and tossed into the ocean to prevent her from going to the authorities. (Silly man, didn’t he know that cats have nine lives?) Selina survived, and returned to Sea Gate to demand that all records of her be destroyed and that she be let go, scott free. Back on the street, Selina joined the Alleytown Gang, which was a community of sorts consisting of pickpockets and thieves run by a woman who went by Mama Fortuna. Selina was already a skilled pickpocket and thief, fierce to her very core, but this was where she was able to further hone in on her thieving skills. However, her time with the group did not last long, as Selina found herself suffocating under Fortuna’s thumb. Survival instinct kicked in again, and Selina was forced to take extraordinary measures: at the age of fifteen, she resorted to prostitution to earn money to keep herself afloat. It was here that she met Sylvia, a mother hen of sorts to help guide Selina through the new world she found herself in. Sylvia did her best to protect Selina, and found herself beaten nearly to death when she took on customers too rough for the green-Selina to handle. However, Sylvia’s protections didn’t last long as Selina dug a hole for herself with a pimp named Stan, who Selina began to see personally outside of work as well. She thought she was in love at seventeen with a man at least twice her age that abused her heavily. She was left in an alley after a particularly bad confrontation with him, and the detective questioning her in the hospital got nothing but lip and attitude back despite trying to help her. Selina was left with a phone number of a man that the detective said would at least teach her how to defend herself: Ted Grant. Initially, Selina put the number aside and went right back to work on the streets and right back to Stan. She was given more “kinky” clients with a slinky cat costume to go with it, playing the part of a dominatrix for her customers. It was then that Selina decided to call the number she’d been given and train with Grant, deciding she needed to put her safety first in even trickier situations. Selina took to training like a cat to cream; she was able to learn an eclectic mix of fighting skills to have in her back pocket for when things went awry. After a client gave Selina a whip to use in her dominatrix role, Selina went to Ted and demanded he teach her how to use it as a weapon rather than a toy used for sex work. Selina took another young prostitute under her wing, a teenager named Holly that Selina saw quite a bit of herself in: too young for this, but out of options and Selina did what she could to protect her, much as Sylvia had once done for her. While she was training with Ted, Selina met and began working with Stark, a criminal mastermind that helped her hone in further on her thievery skills. Stark took Selina on as something like a partner in his crime industry, and Selina kept this a secret and continued to work as a prostitute as a cover. It was around this time that Selina witnessed Batman in action for the first time and saw him escape from the police. She felt inspired by him: anonymous, unstoppable, feared and used this inspiration when she donned the catsuit she’d been given to use as a dominatrix as her own costume to conceal her identity, reclaiming the suit for herself. Donning her catsuit as something akin to a suit of armor, Selina quit being a prostitute, beating her pimp (Stan) within an inch of his life and leaving him in the same alley that he’d left her for dead in. Luck would have it that as she unmasked herself, she would run into her sister for the first time since they’d been separated all those years ago. Overwhelmed and filled with a sense of dread and terror, Selina ran and this caused her sister to pursue her. Stan took note of this, and once recovered enough to enact his revenge, would kidnap Magdalene and use her as a tool to trap and contain Selina. The situation quickly escalated, with Batman saving Magdalene though Stan did not survive the encounter. Selina realized that wearing the catsuit made her feel different - empowered, enraged, and severely out of control. She swore she would never wear it again, not after the near-death of her sister and Stan’s demise. However, as fate would have it, Selina found herself slipping into the catsuit again after Holly was beaten nearly to death by a police officer who had hired the teen as a client. She nearly killed the officer, stopped by another intervention from Batman himself. Selina’s legacy as a career thief as Catwoman started there, primarily on the East End of Gotham where she targeted crime bosses with fewer morals than she had herself and deep pockets. She set her sights high and decided to go for gold and quickly climbed to the top, opting to plan a job against the one and only Carmine Falcone. She was half successful, clawing and permanently scarring Falcone’s face with the metal claws she used with her catsuit during the operation, though ended up needing a rescue from the one and only Batman himself yet again. The relationship between the Cat and the Bat remained conflicting as such: sometimes on the same side of the coin, while others on the opposite, with occasional team ups when they weren’t on opposing sides. A team up with Stark, her once-mentor, led to Selina betraying him and making off with the loot intended for both of them (valuable diamonds which would sustain her and her lifestyle for quite some time); this was a power move that surely proved that Selina was able to take care of herself, was controlled by no one and proved that she was an incredible thief in her own right. Selina Kyle was transformed. Street-kid turned criminal turned prostitute turned socialite with the money Catwoman procured from her heists. She was finally reaching the heights she never thought she could, what she felt she always deserved, and was licking up each and every second of it. Catwoman began to work internationally, organizing detailed and major heists globally rather than confining herself to Gotham. Catwoman continued to tip the scales into vigilantism at times when she was not off scoring, working with her own brand of personal justice on cases that she deemed worthy of her attention and action. However, despite it all, she always had her eyes on the prize and her priority was always set on one thing and one one thing only: herself.

EXTRAS —

Myers Briggs: ISTP Hogwarts house: Slytherin, Ravenclaw a close second Zodiac: Pisces Sin: Greed, Pride