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astro-enthusiast · 4 months

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Astro Observations 2.0

Thank you all for 222 followers! <3

Take these observations for what they are: personal observations.

Super duper long because I love you all. :)

Aries moons tend to always be on the move. Often times, these natives have something energetically "off" at home which results in them not even wanting to be there. They're the type to always be at work or at their friend's place. May have parents they want to get away from. At least one of their parents leans toward a more masculine energy.

You cannot be in your feelings when you talk to a Virgo moon. Their love language is literally telling you all the ways you can improve yourself. It's not necessarily that they're trying to make you feel some type of way, they genuinely don't think there's anything offensive about it. They're naturally attracted to "fixer-uppers" and they love a good project. Only problem is, people are not your projects and your loved ones are allowed to be flawed.

On the note of Virgo moons, they also have a tendency to be permanently unimpressed. My mom has this placement and my sister and I always wanted grand reactions to the stuff we did as kids, but we never got them. Even to this day, my mom is the queen of giving absolutely nothing extra energetically lol. They literally look like this emoji --->😐. Unless they have fire placements, they tend to be the definition of stoicism.

I've been studying the relationship between Scorpio moons and their mothers for a while now because it is such an interesting dynamic. I noticed in the past, that Scorpio moon natives may experience a rather controlling mother figure, but I've recently noticed that this controlling nature goes both ways. Yes, their mother has control over them and their actions, but they have just as much control over her too. They're almost like puppets to each other. It's an incredibly intriguing dynamic that honestly leaves me speechless. Makes you wonder, in these specific situations, "Is anyone here truly the victim?"

We've talked about how moon signs can manifest and what your mother may have taught you, but what I have yet to touch on is how your moon sign reflects your mother's pregnancy experience. I've studied this a bit and I think my mom is the perfect example! My sister and I have opposing moon signs: Cancer and Capricorn. I've spoken to my mom in-depth about both her pregnancies and here is how she describes them:

-Pregnancy with Cancer moon: she was overweight, gained 50+ lbs during her pregnancy, used food to cope with her abusive relationship, was on bedrest, too depressed to do or go anywhere, spent most of her days in the house crying.

-Pregnancy with Capricorn moon: she was in amazing physical condition, gained less than 20 lbs during pregnancy (10 lbs of that was baby), had endless energy, worked out every day, worked overtime at her job, was broken up from my dad, lived alone, was in her bag.

Opposite moon signs and two completely different pregnancies!! Crazy, right?!

I've heard the theory that Capricorn moons are the eldest child, which is true in many cases. However, in my experience as a Capricorn moon, I'm the youngest and my eldest sister is a Cancer moon. But that doesn't debunk my "big sister" energy lol. My sister has always referred to me as her "big little sister" and when we were younger and my mom left us home alone, she always left me in charge. My Cancer moon sister was known for her big emotions and ability to quickly lose control. This dynamic has always been funny to me. Ex. We had a tornado watch (super rare where I live) and my sister was running around the house screaming and crying. While I was calmly in my bedroom playing dolls keeping it kosher. 🤣

God really did give his toughest battles to Virgo, Scorpio and Capricorn moons. No one else is doing it like us! We came equipped with everything we needed to handle ALL the bs in our families.

Don't scorch me fire moons, but where is the personal accountability? I've seen water signs talk their way out of some situations, but the way a fire moon will dance around the truth really needs to be studied. I made this observation before and a Sag moon came for me which is how you know it's true. 😭

Moon sign compatibility is so real y'all. As an earth moon, I mainly form deep connections and bonds with other earth moons and *some* water moons. The other elements just don't do it for me. Even with my fire placements & degrees, I still struggle to understand fire moons.

I've read before that Leo moons have a tendency to be selfish, which I concur depending on the situation. But I think the reason why some of them act like this is because often times, they are either the only child or the favorite child. So they literally don't know what it means to compromise or not get their way. I've only met 2 Leo moons (that I know of) years apart and they both had the same tendencies and personality. Let me know if you've had a more positive experience with this moon sign!

Fixed moons may have mothers who are very controlling over their lives. Their mothers have a “fixed” idea of what their child’s life should look like. They have a tendency to have a puppet & puppeteer relationship. I’ve noticed that because of this, these natives tend to have one area of their lives that their mother can’t control and they spiral out of control in that area. Kinda like a “look mom, you can’t control me in EVERY way” type thing. The most common areas I’ve noticed this in is their sex lives and drugs/alcohol use.

Of course the above note is based on personal experience. I’ve heard quite a few mothers of fixed moons say to other people: “I made them do this” “there was no way I was gonna let them not do this…” like the kid has no choice in the matter.

Okay, enough about moon signs. For now...

This may not be too popular with the astro girlies buttt I believe we have a tendency to attract the versions of signs we speak into existence. For example, when I first started studying astrology, I was sick to my stomach to see that I was a Sagittarius rising because I had back-to-back experiences with Sagittarius suns stabbing me in the back, so I told myself they were the worst. In time, I wanted to accept all of my chart which included my own Sag placements. I had to heal my understanding and perception of them to see them differently. Now, I attract the funniest and kindest Sag suns! It all started with me. This is your sign to heal your trauma with that placement. 🤍 (yes, this is also a message to myself). What you see won't change until you change what you see!

If there's anything a mutable rising is gonna do it's change their physical appearance.

Earth risings, rising at earth degree, or chart ruler in earth house: these people are less likely to take bold chances and risks with their appearances. Not really the type to dye their hair crazy colors, although they are quick to get visible tattoos.

Virgo in big 6 appears naturally put together. They don't really have to get ready because they stay ready. And they expect the same from you, especially if you're their romantic partner. This is amplified if they have Libra or Leo placements.

I’ve noticed Virgo suns and risings are much less likely to wear makeup. I see them with it maybe once a year and even then it’s like one coat of mascara and some highlighter. One thing I have heard a lot of Virgo women say is that they literally don’t know how to do their makeup which may factor into why they don’t wear it. Virgo moons however do tend to wear makeup.

Aries and Scorpio placements are very protective of their loved ones. One wrong look in their direction and they're ready to pounce.

Gemini-Sagittarius axis: if there's one thing these placements are gonna do it's laugh at absolutely nothing for an extended period of time.

Taurus and Libra placements, do you really need that new blouse? Or that new stationary knowing dang well you have more than enough? No, put it back. Aht! PUT IT BACK. And keep your receipts, so when you get home from that impulsive purchase, you can bring it right back where you got it from.

Something about Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius and Capricorn placements in dark academia that really does something to me chile...dark academia was made for us!

Saturn rules teeth. Saturn placements and aspects can describe your teeth’s appearance and health. Saturn aspecting Jupiter may have larger teeth. Aspecting Mercury may result in the native having smaller teeth or possibly getting veneers. Saturn aspecting Venus can manifest as the native receiving many compliments on their teeth/smiles. In the case of harsher aspects, the native can feel their teeth directly hinder their perceived beauty.

I’ve noticed people with prominent Gemini/Virgo/Mercury placements are much more likely to have gaps in between their front teeth. Often times, this is a result of their teeth being on the smaller side.

Virgo placements (esp. moons) can have naturally “perfect” teeth that don’t require braces. But upon closer inspection, you can see their teeth are not perfect, but rather, the imperfections are so minuscule you have to truly look to find them.

Libra Suns typically go for either the relaxed look (very natural appearance, not much makeup) or all the frills (makeup, couture, luxury). I have yet to see an in between. Libras with Scorpio/8th house influence enjoy darker colors and go for a much more relaxed look. More likely to portray a dark feminine embodiment of Venus or a more natural feminine. Especially if they have Virgo placements.

Aries suns (males and females) are the BIGGEST sweethearts and I don’t see enough people praise them for their pure hearts. 🥹

DO NOT under any circumstances copy, paste, reword, rewrite, translate, or repost my work.

#astrology #astroblr #astro observations #astro notes #astro #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #Leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #Aquarius #pisces

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carmenized-onions · 5 months

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Tony, Terry, Tommy? | Walk-In Hotfix

synopsis; You get an unexpected call from an old friend in need of an emergency repair. Good thing: that's kind of your whole gig. Bad thing: You've been avoiding the Berzatto family for the past year.

tasting notes; hurt comfort? idk man, he's in a fuckin' freezer. this is gonna be a long slow-burn series. We don't use Y/N here and we've got a very preestablished storyline going on babes. Eat up.

portion; 3.1k+

possible allergies; SEASON 2 FINALE SPOILERS, I've started writing this before Season 3 comes out in June so we're going WAY off canon (unless I'm an oracle), Mikey is gonna be central baby, any tw you require for the bear-- you require for this.

pairing; Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto & Fem Reader (No pronouns!)

I have not written fanfiction in 5-6 years and once again some goddamn pretty boy just YOINKS me back in. I'm making up my own season three here so I'm kinda flying by the seat of my pants with this series, hopefully it turns out. If it doesn't... C'est la vie, I had fun.

The inciting incident, the thing that pulls you in, and permanently alters the trajectory of your life— Is honestly quite boring, because it’s just a phone call from an old friend.

You stare at your screen for what feels like eons but it’s really just a few rings. It’s enough time to frantically search through blankets on your couch for your remote to pause your show— Which might as well be like 10 years of time. You’re heavily debating not answering; what if it’s something heavy? What if a mutual childhood friend died? What if it’s a love or murder confession? What if it’s about the money you owe her? The money she owes you?

Do you really want to take that kind of call? On what’s been a peaceful Friday night? That’s a rarity in your part of Chicago, c’mon. If it’s important, she’ll leave a voicemail... Who are you kidding, she doesn’t leave voicemails— Frankly, it’s bizarre and concerning that she’s calling in the first place instead of spam texting. …Alright, she’s let it get to the fourth ring, she’s probably dead or dying. You need to pick up.

“…Syd?”

She sounds infinitely stressed, but relieved to hear your voice.“Hey, hey, uh—”

There’s a cacophony of yelling, banging, and what you imagine are kitchen noises in the background. Guess she kept to her guns after Sheridan. That’s nice. Or maybe it’s not. Hard to tell.

“Are you good?” She can’t see the concern on your face or your free arm crossing over your waist— But she can imagine it in the worried lilt of your voice.

“Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah— I-I’m good— Well actually, no, I’m not good, that’s why I’m calling. Actually. Sorry. I know it’s been a minute, it’s fucked up to call only when I need something—”

“Syd.”

“Is your dad still a handy-man?”

Ah. Goodbye peaceful Friday night. Hello emergency hotfix services.

You click your teeth, “Oh, no, he retired. Got a case of… Getting fucking old disease.” But a part of you is relieved it’s a thing that’s broken, and not her. This is at least manageable— Whatever it is.

“Fuck. Okay. Fuck. Ha, yeah, my dad’s got that too— Well, okay, then I’ll talk—”

You’re quick to jump in. “I took over the business though. So, if you’re—" “We need help so bad right now.”

You can’t help but laugh at the speed of it, but immediately feel guilty hearing the desperation in it. “Yeah? Who’s we?”

You stick the cellphone in the crux of your neck, already walking across your apartment to throw on your jumpsuit— Dark navy blue, elbow length sleeves, dad’s old logo embroidered on your right breast pocket.

CHICAGO’S KINDEST ⚒ FIXERS & CO. It’s managed to grow on you.

There’s an egregious number of patches ironed or sewn onto the back and shoulders of it. All from businesses you and your father had either worked with or done odd jobs for. A NASCAR jumpsuit, but for nostalgia and small businesses. Something something ‘it all starts with your neighbourhood’. Your dad would say.

Syd continues, she hasn’t changed much. You hear her sharp dicing in the background, the rhythm seems to calm down into an actual flow instead of erratic speed. You figure either the dinner rush is starting to slow down or she’s relieved you’re coming. Who are you being humble for, no shot it’s the former.

“So, you know how I’m like— Like a chef and shit?”

You hum the affirmative, putting her on speakerphone so you can pull out your tool kit with both hands.

“So like, I actually co-own this restaurant opening tonight.”

“Oh nice!”

“Yeah— Yeah, yeah, it’s really nice, but actually, it’s not, because it’s bad.”

“In the way I can fix?”

“In the way you can fix, yeah. Hopefully.”

“What’s the damage?”

“So, my co-owner uh, Carmen, he got locked in the walk-in. Like trapped.”

You take a beat, a confused one. Half-stepping, almost tripping. You stare at your tools, picking out what you’ll actually need for this— How the fuck— “How is he trapped in the walk-in?”

“So, he meant to call to get it fixed—” “And he didn’t?” “And he didn’t.”

“What was broke about it in the first place?”

“The doorknob on the inside, broke off. And right now, or, more like, 5 minutes ago, the handle on the outside broke off too.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck.”

“Do you have the outside handle, still?”

“Yeah. Yeah, laying around somewhere— It snapped off though, like—”

“Clean?”

“Uh…. Y’know, I would check, but I’m actually kinda—"

“Can we run table 36, please, Chefs?!” Now that’s an uncomfortably familiar voice.

“Yes, Chef! …I’m kinda busy.”

“Right. Restaurant. Oh, what fucking restaurant? You said Carmen, that’s that fuckin’ Michelin guy, right?” Berzatto. It has to be. The smallness of this world is a personal prank on you.

“…How do you know that?” Son of a bitch.

“…I try to remember what you like.” It’s a good save, but that was too intimate for 3 years of no contact besides Happy Birthday texts, fuck fuck, recover— “Ahem, uh, Restaurant?”

“The Bear. Formerly The Beef. You do still live in Chicago, right?”

Berzatto. Confirmed. Bleh.

“Fortunate for you, I do. I know The Beef, I’m not far, I’ll be there in ten. Tell him to not have a panic attack, if you get a minute.”

“I will not get a minute. But I love the dream.”

And you’re off. Jumpsuit half zipped over what was supposed to be a sleep shirt but is now posthumously a work shirt. Nobody has to know you’re wearing pajama shorts under this. Carhartt jacket thrown over your shoulders— Your dad’s, so, a bit oversized. Toolbox in hand, utility belt on— Though you’re mildly sure if your hypothesis is right, you will only need your threateningly long sledgehammer.

Thank God for your car. CTA would not like you right now.

You pull up front. Oh boy. The sign change is making you feel a type of way that you were not expecting. Pride? Envy? All seven of the deadly sins? Maybe. No time to stew on it because there’s an older woman smoking and having an emotional spat with who you assume is her shivering son out front. So. Definitely going through the back alley instead of getting in the middle of that shit.

Alas, it’s not any better, because there’s Syd, vomiting next to a dumpster.

“Better to ignore or acknowledge you in this moment?” Is the response you decide is best, despite the question, you’re already by her side. You put your tools down (out of the splash zone) and rub her back with one hand, holding back straying braids with the other.

“I couldn’t—” More vomit. “Fuckin’ tell ya.” Syd takes a few deep breathes before standing. She considers going in for a hug, but remembers, the vomit. “Good to see you. I want to catch up, f’real, but—” “The bear in the walk-in?” “The bear in the walk-in.”

You nod, fishing through your pocket. You hand her a mini container of Tums. She waves it off, of course, and you double down, of course, “Who you acting tough for?”

“Fuckin… No one.” She grimaces, taking the box. She makes a show of taking one, like a fussy kid.

You refuse to take it back. “Keep it.”

“Never stopped being the mom friend, eh?”

You laugh, picking up your tools again. “Listen, there’s no telling what the night and your stomach holds. Lead the way?”

The Bear is pretty, or at least the kitchen of it is, so far. It’s clean. Cleaner than it used to be. The death trap walk-in is really the only eyesore for you. You stare at the broken-off handle in your hand, twisting it back and forth to look at all the angles. It’s honestly a pretty clean break.

Sydney’s left to talk to her dad, as she should, and the rest of the kitchen is either too busy to pay you mind or is just silently relieved to see you.

Tina— Who has thankfully opted to not say ‘Hey, good to see you, it’s been a year, what the fuck’—Taps the walk-in door and says to this elusive Michelin Carmen that she’ll be right back, that help’s here. He does not seem to register this at all. She gently slaps your cheek before rushing back to her station, regardless.

“Maybe I’m just not built for this, maybe, maybe that’s okay— Maybe that just is.”

You’ve never said his name to him, it feels heavy on your tongue. “Carmen.”

“Right? What the fuck was I thinking?”

Alright, he’s too far gone. You flag down one of the cooks that are just shadowing for the night. “Hey, can you hold this in place for me?”

You stick the handle into what’s left of the hinge still attached to the door, which is, not much— But hopefully, again, if your hypothesis is correct, it’ll give enough leverage. The cook holds it in place, a little terrified as your sledgehammer comes into view.

“Not gonna hit you, promise.”

“—I’m a fuckin’ psycho. That’s why. That’s why I’m good at what I do.”

You tap (bang) the hammer on the door, enough to stop his train of thought. For a second, at least. “Sweetheart, I need you to stand up for me, Carmen Chef Sir.”

“…Tony?”

“...Who the fuck is Tony?”

The meek cook beside you speaks up, “He means Tommy.”

And Tina is quick to yell from across the kitchen— hearing how? We don’t know. “It’s Terry!”

“I am none of these people.” You sigh, readying the hammer. “Carmen, can you stand up, and just tuck your fingers in the wedge of the door? If there is one?”

“Heard. Yeah.” There’s shuffling from in there, getting into position. Though the steps and the words seem dazed, as he’s forced out of a mental fog. “Here.”

“This isn’t a fix by the way. Your whole door is fucked after this. Not that it isn’t already, but, y’know.” You back up, teeing yourself up before running forward.

“Well, wait—”

You slam the mallet into the tip of the handle perfectly, forcing it way too tight into the gap of the hinge. You push the cook aside with your hip, now using the long handle of the mallet to stick between the knob and the door, using it as further leverage to pull it open. It is incredibly straining.

“Carmy!” Is it okay to say that nickname before you’ve even seen his face? Eh. You’re moving the boulder, he’ll forgive you. “You feel air?!”

“Holy shit— Yeah, yeah— Push?!” “Of course fucking push!”

And it becomes apparent in this exchange of force that this Head Chef must be significantly stronger than you, because it’s opening a lot faster now. Though, fast is a strong word for the snail pace this is happening at. But it’s more than the nothing that was happening a minute ago.

“Aye… Cousin?” Richie, in a… suit? Runs up to you, coming from front of house. He immediately grabs a free spot on the sledgehammer’s handle to help pull. He was shocked to see you doing, well, this, right now, but then upon registering, he’s just shocked to see you. Period.

You can only groan in response, sticking a leg up and putting your foot on the wall as if it’s gonna add meaningful leverage— Oh wait, it kinda is. “Y'clean up good, Rich— Opening going—Fuck— well?”

“Oh yeah, fucking peachy.” He can only manage to wheeze in reply. Investing his strength in yanking rather than reintroductions; thankfully it pays off.

The hinge shoots open, you would have absolutely fallen on your ass if Richie was not ready to stabilize you. The walk-in door cracks open. Just a bit. It’s not dramatic, it’s just a breath.

It’s so anti-climactic that Richie doesn’t mind walking off to cheer before Carmen even comes out. Clapping your back as he does. “That’s what I like to fuckin’ see, Cousin! Ingenuity!”

Though, to be fair, he’s moving to intercept a very sweet looking, worried girl. You look up at her, wheezing as you keel over slightly to catch your breath, hands on your knees. She’s saying something along the lines of ‘What’s going on?’ ‘Is he okay?’ Girlfriend? Probably. Richie seems to be coaxing her accordingly. You turn your head back to the door. Carmen hasn’t come out yet. That’s a red flag. With another wheeze, you stand up right, opening the door further, peeking in.

He's standing there, catatonic. Not looking at you, but straight forward, beyond you. He must’ve been by the door to push it open but now he’s stumbled against the back shelf. Every time his girl’s voice manages to ring into here, his eyes crinkle— Wince. His breath keeps hitching. He looks afraid. It is better to be caged right now than it is to be out there, doing whatever he could be doing, right now. Talking to anyone might be a death sentence, right now.

“I don’t need to provide amusement or enjoyment. I don’t need to receive any amusement or enjoyment. I’m completely fine with that.” He mumbles repeatedly. You can barely hear it over the buzzing of the freezer.

Whispering it just for himself, like some sort of fucked up mantra. Like it’s a state of inner peace to feel this bad. You doubt he even sees you right now.

You know you don’t know Carmy personally. Mostly just through hearsay.

He’s never met or heard of you, that’s for sure.

But you know Berzattos. Or. Knew the one.

And you know a downward spiral. Intimately.

And you know that right now, he’s fucking cold. He is shivering and making no move to leave that state. You think he thinks that’s the state he deserves to stay in.

Nothing to lose but a good first impression, right? You drop a screwdriver in the doorway as a doorstop— Because how fucking dumb would it be if you both got stuck? And. Extremely slowly, you approach him not unlike approaching an actual captive bear. In your eyes, you might as well be.

Standing right in front of him doesn’t stop his mantra. You slip your jacket off, half hugging him to drape it over his shoulders. “You’re just cold.”

“I’m a—” “You’re just. Cold.” You cut him off before he has the chance to self-deprecate again, smoothing out the sleeves on him. His eyes readjust to actually look at you rather than somewhere beyond.

You sniff. You’re already cold and it’s been 30 seconds. This poor thing. You rub your hands together, breathing hot air into them before touching them to his frigid fucking face. “Fuck you’re really cold. Like danger cold.”

Never being one for boundaries or hesitation, you hug yourself to him. It’s the fastest way to warm him up. You slip your hands under the jacket— Your jacket— And just engulf the Italian Popsicle Man before you.

Shockingly, he doesn’t push you off or suddenly reawaken to his senses and tell you to fuck off. He doesn’t flinch, if anything he leans in. His body doesn’t really have time for surprise, right now, it just takes what it needs. And what it needs is warmth and oxytocin. His breathing slowly but surely self regulates, and once you start to remember decorum you lower your arms— But. He opts to place his chin on your shoulder, like the world’s most gentle hook, and that alone is enough to keep you there.

It's a long, silent, liminal spacey moment before he speaks again. Both of you speak just above the decibel of the freezer's buzzing.

“You’re not Tony.”

“Terry.”

“You’re Terry?”

“No, Tina said Tony’s Terry. I don’t know who the fuck Terry is.”

“Terry’s the fridge guy.”

“You’re still going to need to call him; I did just make it worse.”

“That’s fine.” He swallows. “Who called you?”

“Syd.”

“Should’ve called you earlier.”

“Should’ve called the fridge guy earlier.”

“Yeah.” He sighs, but he makes no move to move, so you don’t either.

“You know Mikey too?”

Ah. The patch. The Beef. It's worn, but it sits proudly on the left shoulder of your jumpsuit. Your heart tightens and so does your posture.

“Yeah.” You sigh. It’s shakier than you’d like it to be. “Dad knew him, so then I knew him, so then I occasionally fixed shit for him. Shit that ‘Fak couldn’t?’ I think his name was?”

“Hm.” He hums. “He ever got locked in the walk-in?”

“Yeah, he really fucked it up, like waayy worse than whatever happened with you tonight. Like whatever happened. At least 10 times worse.” Your voice is coated with sarcasm, but it’s not entirely untrue.

You’re relieved, when Carmen laughs at this, a touch maniacally, but it’s something. Right now, any emotion from him besides regret and anxiety feels like a trophy. He straightens up, pushing his hair back, so you remove your arms.

“You’re fuckin’ funny, Tony.”

“Still not Tony.”

“Oh my god!” A blonde, very pregnant woman cracks the door open, relieved. “Are you okay, Bear?” You step aside so she can hug Carmen, holding his cheeks to look over him. Oh, this has to be—

“I’m good, I’m great, Sug.” He says this incredibly unconvincingly, hanging one hand on her wrist.

But what matters more in your brain right now is: That’s Sugar. Natalie.

And now you can put a face to both siblings you’ve been bitched about to.

Chain-smoker, means well, cringeworthy husband, too good for her family, incredibly judgemental, cares too much and worries more, loves to fight, her mother’s daughter, pushy, sticks her foot in her mouth, can’t take no for an answer, would lay down her life. Natalie Berzatto. Little sister.

Michelin Star retaining, big shot, sensitive, definitely a virgin, ball buster, sweats the small stuff, sweetheart, asshole, incredibly smart, flighty, coward, deeply loyal, whiny, screamer, show-off, fantastic drawer, shell, mister new york, annoyingly humble, undeniably the most talented. Carmen Berzatto. Baby brother.

Mikey’s words. Of course.

Nat turns her gaze over to you, “Thank you.” You can only bring yourself to nod in reply, a bit awkward— Lost in your rolodex of memories of the people you’ve never actually met until right now. It’s weird to feel parasocial about a normal person.

“Our toilet, exploded.” She says.

Now that pulls out you of it, and gets a laugh out of you. You put your hand over your mouth. “Yeah?”

Sugar shakes her head, eyes widening like she’s just stepped in it, “I didn’t mean like— Like, you just did a job, right, that’s like tacking on another last-minute service—”

“That’s fine.” You put a hand up stopping her from continuing, still chuckling. “I’ll take a look at it tonight and try to fix it tomorrow?”

She nods, smiling bright, “Thank you, Tommy.”

Who needs to use Y/N when you have the fridge guy?

I so desperately hope you liked this first chapter. I've been stewing on this for like a week so I beg of you to reply/reblog/send me an ask (anon or not!!) telling me what you thought!! Unless it's mean!! In which case, do NOT!!!

And just a forewarning, as we step into uncharted territory where the walk-in meltdown was cut short, I need you to hold my hand through it bb. We're making this man's life better or we're gonna die trying.

Next Part

#carmen berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fanfiction #the bear x reader #the bear x you #carmen x reader #carmen berzatto imagine

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andyoullhearitagain · 7 months

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Top Ten Least Bad Outfits in TNG

I'm gonna be honest and say that the non-uniform outfits in TNG are not my favorite costume design in the world, but there are some looks that stick with me:

10. That Girl Who Kissed Data That One Time's Outfit:

I can never decide if I like this look or I think it's ugly, but I love the pants and tall boots combo. Her blouse is bad and the bouclé jacket is both too heavy and too fussy for this outfit, but I love the belt and suspenders combo, and the chevron embossing on the suspenders. This costume and all the others except #9 is a Robert Blackman design.

9. This Jumpsuit On That Girl From "The Dauphin":

This is the only William Ware Theiss design on this list. I love his TOS stuff but most of his TNG designs leave me cold 🤷‍♀️. But I love this is extremely 80s jumpsuit. Love the pretty drape, love the ruching on the sleeves, love the harem pants silhouette. Only note is that the whole bodice should be a structured corset bodice instead of the kind of odd structured panel it has now.

8. Picard's Shorty Pyjama Set:

TNG is absolutely full of the strangest pyjama choices you can imagine and Picard is no exception but I love this bold look. Would kill for this pyjama set. He also takes a work zoom wearing this one time which is insane.

7. Data's 1890's Looks But Specifically This One With The Shirtsleeves And The Blue Shirt:

The best part of "Time's Arrow" is that Data isn't a fish out of water in the 1890s, he's absolutely killing it, and I love that the only real Casual Data look we get is this one. I prefer the blue shirt to the pink because Data should really wear more blue, it's a nice contrast with yellow. Please also note his emerald watch fob, which was 0% necessary to blend in, he's just having fun with it.

6. 12 Year Old Keiko's Linen Overalls:

The paperbag waist! The bow! The little bows at the shirt cuffs! I can understand why she replicated a miniature copy of this outfit.

5. Beverly and Guinan's Dixon Hill Holodeck Costumes:

I'm counting these as one because they're essentially the same design in different color pallets but what color paletts! Bev is pulling off the very difficult pink+red+red hair and the mint green on Guinan is 🤌. I particularly love how Guinan's hat is so 1940s yet also echos the silhouette of her usual costume.

4. Deanna's Teal Dress:

Like all of you I prefer Deanna in the uniform, but this dress slays, ok? The space age asymmetrical neckline. The drop waist. The structured bodice. The slit almost all the way to the hip. And of course the matching tights and shoes CANNOT BE BEATEN. Also one time I saw a dude on a Star Trek forum call this a "ballgown" which baffles me to this day, this is clearly a slightly fancy day dress.

3. Picard's 1890s Look:

You'd think Picard would go full posh in the 1890s but instead he gives us this working-class Shakespearean director look and he 👏 looks 👏 incredible 👏. Way to mix textures, Jean-Luc.

2. Lore's Turtleneck and Giant Vest:

You and I know that Lore stole these clothes from the Pakleds because we pay a lot of attention to Star Trek costumes, but to a normal viewer Lore shows up and this is just his outfit!! It's giving, like, space-age goblincore and it's incredible. I want wear this oufit every day. I want to make a little doll Lore wearing this outfit to express my love for it. It's only not #1 because the pants are too orange and a strange weave.

Deanna's Ancient West Holodeck Outfit:

Deanna!!! The pants! The hat! The calico! She looks 10/10 hot in this outfit. For sure the superior version of this is before she gives her neckerchief to Worf (it really benefits from that cool highlight) but either way this is the best anyone's ever looked on that holodeck.

#star trek tng #star trek next gen #deanna troi #jean luc picard #data soong #beverly crusher #guinan #lore soong #keiko o'brien #tng #yelling about costume design

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lazycats-stuff · 6 months

Text

Batfamily x male reader

Batfamily x male!reader - this is part 1 everyone.

Summary: some talking is done.

Warnings: angst, fluff, (Y/N) is trying and so is the fam, cursing, trying to forgive, a punch was thrown, cutting people out

The fight echoed through the manor. Even days after it, the tension was still palpable. (Y/N) truly wanted nothing more with his so called brothers and father. If they tried to talk to him, they would be ignored or (Y/N) would just snap at them.

Almost biting their head off.

Safe to say, things were going to complete and utter shit.

Bruce didn't even know how to start talking to (Y/N). Was he emotionally reserved? Yes. But will he try everything in his power to make it right?

Yes. Everything he can do, he will do.

Bruce has decided to call a meeting. He made (Y/N) leave his room and (Y/N) has never looked worse. He couldn't sleep for days on end, only getting about 4 hours per night. He wasn't in the mood to eat either. He was only alive because Alfred had to make sure he was still alive.

Everyone noted that he looked like he didn't want to live anymore. More so, he looked dead. (Y/N) just sat down, an angry look on his face, arms crossed and body language closed off. He sat down as far as away as he could from them, clearly not happy to be here in the slightest.

He tucked himself in the chair, ignoring everyone and everything.

" (Y/N)... " Bruce started quietly, clearly not wanting to have a blow out and an explosion. " We have to talk through this problem. " Bruce continued just as softly and (Y/N) scoffed.

" We know we have been... Neglecting you, to say the least. But... We want to fix our mistakes. We want to be better. " Bruce said and (Y/N) chose to roll his eyes instead of listening. No matter what they could say could ever fix this.

" Well... 10 years too late. " (Y/N) said sarcastically, tapping his fingers against his tucked up knee, clearly anxious to leave this room behind. He really was anxious too leave.

" And we realize that. " Tim started softly, looking at (Y/N) with a sad look on his face. (Y/N) wouldn't allow them to see them sweat.

" Bullshit. " (Y/N) said quickly. They don't realize shit. " You are only doing this because Jon came over and pointed it out and now you are worried that the word doesn't spread. " (Y/N) spat out, leaning on his tucked up knee, glaring that the floor.

" That is not true. " Damian said and (Y/N) looked up, glaring at Damian, scoffing at the words, then laughing bitterly.

" Oh please. You never told Jon about me! I'm assuming all of your friends don't know I exist, right? " (Y/N) said as he rubbed his eyes from the exhaustion.

The silence was the only answer that (Y/N) needed.

" Yup and there it is. No one knows I fucking exist! " (Y/N) said loudly, blood pressure raising. He took a deep breath to calm down. " Just as I thought. No one knows I exist. No one even cared about my school achievements either... Let me ask you something Bruce. " (Y/N) asked, turning his attention to Bruce.

" Do you have a college fund for me? Just like you do for other four? " (Y/N) asked, itching for an answer. When Bruce looked away in shame and (Y/N) scoffed yet again.

" Also, don't you fucking dare setting it up. I have got a scholarship anyway. " (Y/N) answered the unasked questions. Bruce was proud of (Y/N). How could he have done this to (Y/N), forget to put a college fund...

" I'm sorry (Y/N). I didn't mean to forget you. " Bruce said, keeping his distance, but wanting nothing more than just hug him and kiss the anger away.

But alas, that's not how it works. (Y/N) has to forgive him first.

" Can you tell us more about the scholarship? " Jason chimed in, wanting to speak about something that (Y/N) could be happy about.

" It's for MIT. " (Y/N) said quietly and everyone was in shock. They didn't know that (Y/N) was into science and mathematics and what not.

Another mistake of theirs.

" That's amazing (Y/N). " Tim praised, smiling at (Y/N). Getting into MIT is hard as hell.

(Y/N) rolled his eyes, but deep down inside, he craved that praise more than life. But some praise won't erase everything that happened.

" You would really have to move then... " Dick said sadly and (Y/N) glanced at all of them. They all seem sad that he would have to move all the way to Massachusetts, but it would be necessary. (Y/N) needed to get out of here. One way or another.

" I think what we all mean to say is that we are sorry. There is no excuse, not a single thing that could justify what we did and what we have caused to you. " Damian said and (Y/N) was shocked to hear the word sorry just tumble out of his mouth like that, so effortlessly. So easily. But he composed himself quickly.

" How do I put his nicely? " (Y/N) said, looking sarcastic. " I don't give a damn about any of you. I don't give a damn about apologies at all. I don't care about any of you. The moment I move out, all of you are going to be dead to me. Period. " (Y/N) said as he quickly stood up, going to his room.

He isn't going to fucking listen anymore.

" No, (Y/N) wait! " Everyone called after him and tried to stop him. Jason managed to grab his arm, but (Y/N) threw a punch and knocked Jason down on his ass, making the others rear back. It was a truly what the fuck moment for all of them.

(Y/N) was never violent.

(Y/N) slammed the doors of his room shut and everyone was silent. Jason was breathing heavily through his mouth as (Y/N) broke his nose.

" He has a hell of a punch. " Jason muttered as he stood up.

" We have a shit ton of gravelling to do. " Tim muttered and everyone nodded in agreement. Saying that they are dead to him, well, will be dead to him, that was sort of a nail in a coffin. Coffin about their relationship...

That was probably on the brink of death, if not dead already.

" Come on, he needs some time alone. " Bruce said and ushered everyone out of the hall, mostly Jason to take a look at his nose, to treat it and heal it.

That same night, (Y/N) quietly managed to get his things into a car, while others were on patrol and blocked them in the process. Then he started driving to MIT, because he didn't have the nerve to put his things onto a plane and go. And besides, he didn't have enough things anyway.

(Y/N) could finally start his new life.

#dc comics #dc x male reader #x male reader #batfamily #bruce wayne x male reader #batman x male reader #jason todd x male reader #red hood x male reader #dick grayson x male reader #nightwing x male reader #tim drake x male reader #red robin x male reader #damian wayne x male reader #robin x male reader

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mistydeyes · 1 year

Note

So we had soap cousin how about ghost cousin x tf boys Hcs? She’s older than Simon and the two are super close. She would’ve been a barrier between him and his dad growing up. I can picture him being the least pissed at Price, meanwhile he’d be raging at Gaz and Soap. Soap would call her a milf and Simon has to be held back like a rabid dog

I’d love to see your take on this 🥰

ahhh I love this idea so much! thank you for reading my post about soap's cousin and requesting this :)

last name: riley

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summary: Despite Ghost trying to keep his family history secret, he can't avoid it when you, his older cousin, is transferred to his base. Now he has to keep his team in check as they want to get to know you more ;)

pairing: Task Force 141 (except Ghost) x fem!Reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of emotional abuse/trauma

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊

following the briefing, Gaz and Soap exited and invited Ghost to join them at the mess hall

however before Ghost could leave, Price stopped him at the door

"Can you stay back, Simon?" Price asked and everyone immediately knew something was up

especially when first names were used

being the nosy sergeants that they are, Soap and Gaz waited by the door and tried to listen in

after 10 minutes, Ghost emerged and looked surprisingly calm

"What was that about?" Soap asked as he tried to keep up with Ghost

"My cousin is getting transferred to one of the unit's on base" he said plainly and he was bombarded with questions

both Gaz and Soap were amazed that he had a cousin, especially one who he didn't seem to hate

eventually, Ghost slams his bedroom door on him and they're both left wondering what you're like

"God I hate the English weather," you complained as you arrived by helo to your new home

after months abroad, your captain decided to reassign you to the UK

you were initially upset but when you learned your cousin was also stationed there, your mood changed

"Is that little Simon Riley I see?" you exclaimed, seeing your cousin standing a few meters away

you slung your duffle on your back and ran towards him

despite being a good half foot taller than you, you hugged him tightly

"It's good to see you, Si," you said as you couldn't remember the last time you saw him

he returned it awkwardly as you took a look at his attire

"Still wearing that awful mask I see," you joked, lightly punching him on the shoulder

as you were chatting on the way to your quarters, you could see a man around your age leading two sergeants behind him

despite the captain's stern look, the two sergeants walked up to you and bombarded you with questions

"Sorry ma'am, they heard you were the Lieutenant's cousin and were trying to sneak out to meet you" he apologized and you laughed heartily

"What a welcome committee!" you smiled before looking back at them, "I'm Captain Riley."

as you introduced yourself and got to know Simon's team, they noted how you and Ghost shared different hair colors but the same piercing gaze

they also noted how you looked like you should be on the army's website with your light hair and hazel eyes as well as your fit physique

you also were much kinder than their Ghost and your smile brightened the drab hallway

"Riley?" one of them asked and you nodded, "our dads were brothers."

queue more questions about Simon's family history

while he tried to silence them, you were more than happy to answer a few of their questions

"Our dads were absolute arseholes, he sent me to live with Simon and I'd get into screaming matches with his old man," you explained

Simon remembered the times you were sent to Manchester and how you were the only one who could keep up with his father's insults and emotional abuse

despite being 5 years younger than you, he would follow you around and act like your best friend

you were surprised when you saw him after he joined the army and he was pure muscle (no longer the small boy who you would sneak out to get sweets with)

"His dad made basic seem like holiday" you joked, trying to lighten the mood

you answered a few more questions about you previous post before you began to yawn due to the jet lag

"Well it was a pleasure to meet you, Captain Riley," Price said shaking your hand

"Glad to see Simon is doing well here," you beamed, "now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find my quarters"

As you walked away you could hear Gaz and Soap chatting with Simon. "You didn't tell us your cousin's a bonnie lass," Soap exclaimed, a little too loud for Simon's comfort, "she got a mans in Manchester?" You smiled at the compliment, making sure to walk extra slow to hear it all. While both sergeants were undeniably attractive, plenty of men had acted the same way to you during the course of your career. Before Simon could reply, you could hear Gaz interject. "How old is she?" he asked innocently. "Too old for either one of you," Price interrupted, "and she's a captain so that's far above your ranks." Out of Simon's task force, you assumed you were the closest in age to Price. You tried to do the mental math being 5 years older than Simon but decided it wasn't worth it as Simon would never let any of them speak to you again. As Gaz and Soap groaned lightly, you thought the conversation was over. However, Soap had one last thing to say. "That's a proper milf if I've ever seen one," he mumbled before you could hear Simon let out a string of insults and swears. You smiled to yourself, "guess Si finally learned how to stand up for himself."

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witheringwidgetwrites · 1 year

Text

MC has a secret admirer!

Request goes; They're already dating but it's new so most of the lesser demons don't know about it. MC then starts getting love letters from an anonymous person and the Dateables/Brothers get the need to show off that MC is theirs?

I'm gonna do the brothers first! Hope that's cool! If yall wanna see more pls request it! (Also pretend that this is near the beginning of yalls relationship)

INTRO

"Wow, look babe, I got a love letter! Guess I'm more popular than I thought, you might have some competition." You chuckle, kissing his cheek. It was a very flattering letter, laying out all your strengths, compliments sprinkled generously throughout the writing. It was... surprising to say the least. But you were excited to tell him about it!

LUCIFER

If he's already on edge, he might just yank it and rip it in half. Today, however, he's in a good mood.

"Let me read it." You hand him the paper, watching him closely as he grimaces and scoffs. He's not nervous, but he is baffled that someone had the nerve to send you such a... bold letter.

A little prideful, in the sense that he has something that no one else can. He know's you wont leave him for some lower demon, but he can't help but feel slightly threatened.

Walks a litter closer to you around town and RAD. He'll hold your hand when the hallways start to filter out and there's less students around.

Puts in the effort to take you on more public dates, Restorante Six, most likely. kissing your hand and giving you roses at the table. He's not flashy, but it's enough for rumors to spread quickly.

MAMMON

He rips it from your hand, immediately turning his back so he can read it. "Is this the kinda lame sappy stuff you're into? Even I'd do better than this! It don't even mention ya eyes!"

He hands it back to you, mumbling something about, "i'll show 'em" before he stomps off, shaking his head.

He struts the RAD halls with his arm around you, glaring unnecessary at anyone who walks by. He's certainly on edge for the first couple days after. He starts passing you small silly notes during class, little drawings and pickup lines. You watch him as he turns away, hand trying to cover his flushed cheeks.

Also takes you out more. Carnivals, amusement parks, more casual things! Posts 1 post, with a few photos of you together, captioned 'almost as good as grimm.' If you get another letter, you might end up having your first kiss in front of the school!

LEVIATHAN

"Wha? Who?" He can feel his heart beating faster, anxiety rising in his chest. "Just kidding Levi, you're the only demon for me!" You giggle at him. "Could I read it?" You hand it to him, watching him plop down in his gaming chair. He gets very expressive while he reads. Before long, his tail is swishing behind him, "they don't even know you! There's no mention o-of any of your favorite videos games in here! You love games." He frowns, throwing his hands up dramatically. "I know Levi, I don't even know who sent it. Don't worry, they don't know me as well as you do." He pretends to lose control of his tail, that pulls you into him for a hug.

He sulks for a few days, but after some reassurance, he has a plan. You're going to the aquarium and he'll hold your hand! That'll really show 'em. Might even go to physical school a few days more than usual to walk with you.

He writes you a little in-game dialog sappy note, telling you a few things he loves about you. Might make a singular Devilgram post with you, hugging his Ruri-chan body pillow, captioned ''my #1 and my #2'

ASMODEUS

"Ohh! Of course you're popular MC! Everyone loves you, and me of course. We're the top power couple! Now let me take a look." He smiles at you, smile faltering slightly as he reads the letter. Eyes blinking a little stiffly, he hands it back to you. "That's so superficial, you're much better off with me." And with that, he walks away.

He shows the world exactly who's you are immediately. You're tagged in maybe 10 posts in a row. Pictures of you and him, some of just you, all captioned things like, 'my love' and 'my number one always' and 'remembering the moment I fell for you' and it's unmistakable.

Becomes even more affectionate in the RAD hallways, snuggling up to you, sitting in your lap/having you sit in his during lunch.

SATAN

He frowns, putting his hand out for the paper. He glances over it, brow furrowing as he reads. "This is amateur writing. You deserve much better." He hands it back to you, walking past you quickly with a scowl on this face. He turns back halfway down the hall, "be ready at 6:30." You decide to leave him be.

First order of business, he writes you a beautiful letter. It's long winded, many poetry references, and references to stories you've read together. Even compares you to a cat, somehow. He does not give it to you yet.

He dresses nice for your date, electing to take you to dinner, and then a stroll through the royal gardens. As you approach the doors to the House of Lamentation, he turns to you, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a wax sealed letter, your name written neatly on the other side.

Sits a little closer to you at lunch time, and in the library. Hoping someones will see and rumors will spread.

BEELZEBUB

He doesn't read the letter. He's a little jealous, but he thinks reading it will upset him, so he stays away.

He makes the small effort to hold your hand more. He's not normally one for PDA, but for you, he can make a small exception. You can see how flushed his face is when you look up at him.

On game days, he lets you wear his jersey until he needs it. Might post a picture on his Devilgram of you in it. Captioned, '#1 fan'

After one of his games, he sees you talking to a lower demon, they seem to be standing awfully close. He sees them throw their arm around you, and so he calls for you, pretending he didn't see them. He waves at you, jogging over and cupping your face with his hands before placing his lips on yours.

BELPHEGOR

He's half asleep when you tell him. Isn't really bothered until you make the comment about competition. Now he's awake, and looking around like there's a present threat. Yanks the letter from you, holding it close to his face while he scowls. He scans the paper, before rolling his eyes and rolling back over onto his side, taking the letter with him.

Pretends he's not bothered. Asmo brings it up at the dinner table, Belphie calls it a "stupid letter" and crosses his arms, slouching.

Doesn't bring it up again, but you notice he's a little more cuddly in public than he was before. One day after class, he finds you in the library studying, he saunters over, kissing you brashly, tongue tracing the edge of your bottom lip,and loudly, before wiping his lip with his thumb, and sitting next to you, "what're you studying today, MC?"

If you like my posts, please feel free to tip me here!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me asmodeus #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphagor #mammon x reader #lucifer x reader #asmodeus x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #belphegor x reader

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logansargeantsbabymom · 5 months

Text

Therapy

Logan Sargeant x Fem!Reader

TW: hurt/comfort & cursing

F1 Masterlist

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

instagram

Logan's been so focused on working out that he hasn't noticed that his phone has been ringing the past minute and a half, not at least until there's a banging on his home gyms door.

Logan's head snaps towards the door at the sudden noise, taking long but cautious strides to see who's there, opening it only to reveal a less than pleased Y/N standing there.

"Hey," Logan says breathless as he wipes sweat from his forehead "You could've called first"

a scoff leaves Y/N's mouth "I just did, you've blowing me off this past week. I need you to talk to me"

Logan's first season in Formula 1 wasn't the best, he was a bit underweight, not following the diet his trainer gave him and he wasn't managing his energy well in the car which would burn him out and either made him DNF or finish last, which was really getting to him.

"I'm working out, Y/N, I'm busy." he pants, going right back into the exercise he briefly put on hold.

"You're gonna make their weight requirement in the next 10 minutes?" Y/N spat, a little harsher then she intended it to come out but she still stood her ground, making Logan stop and stare at her.

"Thanks you for being so supportive of my work" Logan said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Because you've been such a champion of mine?" Y/N scoffed. It's true, Y/N just recently signed a contract with WWE's developmental program NXT and not even a single congratulation from her boyfriend.

Logan turned around, fire burning in his eyes "What's that supposed to mean?"

Y/N looks back with an icy stare "What do you think it means?"

Logan just stares at her dumbfounded which causes Y/N to pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration before she continues, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to talk about my needs? What needs?"

"Did I say that?" His eyebrows knit in confusion as he stares at her urging her to explain.

"You didn't have to say it, it's implied." She rubs her forehead in anger

Logan whips around in utter confusion "How is it implied?"

"You're the athlete and I'm the girlfriend. That's how you feel right?" That causes Logan's hands to cover his eyes and roughly rub his temples as he senses an argument brewing.

Logan absolutely hated arguing with his girlfriend, but ever since his first season started that's all they ever seemed to do. Logan left the TV on all night? Argument. Logan ate something he shouldn't have? Argument. Y/N left her shower towel on top of Logans beach towel? Argument. Y/N forgot to lock the ferret in the cage and now Logan's keys are missing and he's late to a very important William's meeting (he wasn't making it anyway, he took too long acting like Taylor Swift during the ERAS tour in the shower)? Argument.

"Can we talk about this later, please" Logan tries to change the subject so he can finish his workout

"When Logan? When is later?" Y/N raises her voice an octave higher than she intended.

"Not tonight," Logan said, tears of frustration forming on the brims of his eyes threatening to spill.

His response made Y/N's face contort with anger in a way he's never seen before that he made a mental note of never to make her that mad again because he was scared.

"I have been working out all day. I have up since 4 this morning. I have tried to make their weight requirement for a week, and I am nowhere!" Logan yells, those tears of frustration once threatening to spill have now poured out his eyes with more following in pursuit.

"I've been telling you how unhappy I am for months!" tears have now also started flowing out Y/N's eyes as they argue.

"Everyone's unhappy in Miami! That's what Miami is!" Logan screamed has he throws a 5 pound dumbbell on the floor by the bench

"I don't know how to get through to you anymore. You keep shutting me out! You keep putting up these fences!" Y/N's hands tremble in anger as she throws them up, running her fingers through her hair

"I'm not, I'm not shutting you out" Logan states as he wipes the tears from his face but to no avail as more tears spill from his green eyes

"You're a million miles away all the time" Y/N's voice trembles as she lets the tears free flow.

"Actually, I'm right here." Logan says with the straightest face you can have as a crying arguing mess of a man

"Are you Logan? Actually? Cause I know you" Y/N says as the tears slowly stop falling.

"You're right. I've been distracted, but I promise you, after I make this requirement-" before Logan could finish his statement, he gets cut off

"After the requirement?" Y/N whispers in disbelief

"After the requirement!" Logan confirms in a harsh tone

"Everything is after the requirement!" Y/N screams

"Yeah"

"What if you make the requirement and nothing happens? No William's contract extension? You don't go straight to point positions? You're still a bad driver, You still DNF, You don't get signed with anyone else? What then, Logan? What about me?!" The tears that briefly stopped streaming down her face started back up and flowed faster than this time.

"I can't move with you to Orlando. I can't leave my career behind" Logan ripped off the band-aid, he couldn't put off the real reason he's been avoiding this topic, why he's been avoiding Y/N.

"You think I don't know that?" she trembled.

"What," Logan stops, unsure of what she means and what he wants to say next, a million thought in his mind at what his girlfriend just said to him, but not one of those questions are coming out of his mouth right now "What are you...? What is this? What do you want?" he finally manages to choke out

"I guess I just, I wanted you to tell me not to go" Y/N finally lets out and that's when all the emotion she's been bottling up for months comes out, unable to stop the sobs she chokes out. She's a shaking sobbing mess on the floor and all Logan could do was just stare. He knew she'd been hurting at his cold shoulder treatment but he didn't think it hurt her this bad. He couldn't believe that he was watching her hurt this bad because of him and there was only one question floating in the back of his mind...

why don't I feel bad?

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terras-domain · 5 months

Text

Hell for Most, Heaven for Me

Prisoner Y/N / Sister JiU (Kim Minji - Dreamcatcher)

Tags: VIOLENT STORY (murderer background y/n), prison au,prisoner y/n (reader), nun JiU, rough sex,losing virginity, dub con, sex in VERY inappropriate places (please do not do this ;-;), hint of breeding I guess

Words: 3.8k

terra's note: helloooo terra here. This one was in my mind to do for so long, I wanted to make it but I was so worried if this is allowed or nah, cuz well, for some reasons. And an extra note I kept losing my works here and there i have no idea why ;-; But anyways, I hope this I a good read for you and as always, hope you have a nice day and love you all <33

"I hereby sentence you to 10 years of life in prison, and no parole" were the words echoing through my mind, after being convicted with murder. The bus, the last vehicle I'd probably ride for another 10 years, taking me to my new home. Looking through the dusty window, I could see the cold breeze blowing east, trees bending to the right, pointing to the gigantic grey building, lacking in life in joy. "Have a good look inmate. That's your new home" the guard, sitting across the bus, looking into my eyes, knowing the emotions I'm feeling all too well. He's sent plenty of people like me here.

Get in, check into your 5 star suite and wear your fancy orange jumpsuit; that was the process I was brought to, registering myself as the new inmate in a jail I don't even want to remember the name of. Dragged like a dog towards my cell, the guard slammed the door shut, leaving me alone with my thoughts. "Enjoy your stay, maniac." A stern voice echoes the area, the guard laughing as he walks away, making me curl up on my bed. The murder, the death and crimes I did, as much as they were right to call me a monster, it was deserved. Seeing my own wife cheating with my brother, nothing in my life could prepare me for that. The kitchen knife was just conveniently close to me, it took me less than a second to have it in my hand, and another second for it to be covered in their blood. I've lost it, yet I couldn't care any less. "Fuck that bitch."

Morning arises, the guards will usually brutally beat a bell to wake us up, forcing us to hard labour, often times picking up trash on the streets whilst supervised by them. "Quit slacking, y/n! You think I'm blind?" One of the guards yelled, her voice could easily break my eardrums, it hurts. What hurts more is the fact she's a woman, the same damn species that bitch, that cheating bitch was. I clicked my tongue, looking back and was on the brink of snapping, but my conscious got the best of me. "Yes ma'am." I obediently nodded, surrendering as I continued my community service, being a mere slave to the law. I was restless, my body could barely contain the anger. A sight of a woman in itself infuriates me. Getting a little rest in the restroom, washing my face was a right call. Looking into the reflection in the mirror, staring at the wet face of a man who's fallen down a rabbit hole of hatred. My eyes darken, my body slowly shrinking yet swollen, it just didn't make sense. "What am I doing?"

My restlessness needs answers, or at least, something to sooth myself. After community service, the guards let us have our own private time, wandering around the prison to do what you want. I stumbled upon the prison's church, seems like a good place to recuperate. It's like they always say, when in doubt, find God, or I hope they do. Entering the small room, it looks nothing bigger than 4 of my rooms, and my room looks like it was designed to fit a rat. There's probably not many visitors around here, it's a home for criminals. I sighed as I sat on one of the multiple free benches, crossing myself as I began to pray. My wish to find myself inner peace, my wish to fully heal myself from my sins, and most importantly my wish to have courage to forgive what has happened in the past. My prayers were going smoothly, but it was quite bothered when I heard footsteps. "Who the fuck goes to church, whilst being an inmate?" I monologued, looking behind myself to see the figure that was walking in the holy space, and that's when my eyes felt revived, seeing something so beautiful, my mind went blank.

"Welcome child. What brings you here?" Her voice alone made me lose my tension, it felt as if I was on a cloud. I was too stunned to speak, my mind couldn't process her beauty, let alone process human words to speak. "Forgive me, is everything okay? Or-" she paused, stuttering as if she's afraid of the next words coming out of her gorgeous lips. "...are you mute per chance? I know some sign language to communicate if so." She eventually found her best words to form a sentence. Looking from her expression, it seems like she's trying her best not to offend me. Unlucky for her, my mind cleared out the clouds of delusion, behind that beauty, lays a species of humanity I would despise till my grave. "Oh no! I'm not disabled or anything. I was just, spacing out..." My eyes wide open, the sight of a maniac is what could describe my face right now but my voice sounds ever so lovely, as if my past self was doing the talking, the goody two shoes that let myself marry such a wicked bitch. My eyes scanned through the curves of the nun in front of me. Despite her body well covered, I could see how curvy and hot she is, not too thick but she definitely is an eye candy. "Oh I see. Well forgive me for bothering your prayers child. I was not here to disturb your conversation with Him. May your prayers be replied and may your life finds itself towards the right path." She gives a short bow, before moving towards the pillar, the symbol of what I believe is the place where she usually carries out her religious speech, that is if anybody is going to her speeches. What's more important though is her walk, the way her hips move left and right, showing how curvy her ass is. I couldn't hold it, my mind doesn't want to keep imagining. It wants to live it.

My legs starts to move, marching towards her from behind as I grabbed her from the back, my left arm wrapping around her midriff whilst my right on her ass cheek. "ngh- what are you doing?! Do you know where we are right now, inmate??" She questioned, her voice sounds timid as my arms venture around her body, feeling the smooth cloth of her body hiding the treasures underneath. "I prayed for lots of things, sister. Seems like God answered the call pretty soon~" I grinned, my arm groping her ass, making me grunt from pleasure, oh how long have I waited to touch a woman's ass. That bitch of a wife wouldn't let me for months, eventually I found out that cheap slut's ass is for other guys. No worries, I'll take this nun's big ass now and fuck it the way I like it!

It was heaven for me, two days in prison felt like forever, and that forever bores me. With this bitch of a nun in my hands, I can do whatever I please. "No- Aaah! Please stop, this is not the place for such vulgar actions," the woman pleads. But unfortunate for her I don't take orders from women any longer, not anymore. Rubbing my cock underneath my pants while she grunts and tries to move away. Makes me want to have her even more. Despite my joyous time enjoying the body of the hot nun, there's always things that makes things complicated. "Y/N? Where are ya? You gotta get back to your cell!" A voiced shouted from a distance. It's the guards, I thought. I had to let the nun go, letting her pure body free this time, but I'm damn sure this isn't over. The guard steps in the holy space, seeing me stand in front of the nun, smiling at her. "Y/N, your times up, get back to your cell!" He ordered, before shifting his gaze to the curvaceous woman. "Sorry Miss Minji, he's new. I guess he spent too much time praying huh?" He giggled, completely oblivious to the fact I was groping her before he crashed the party. "It's okay, sir. The inmate was just....asking me some questions. It seems he is just starting his journey to find God." She explained, and obvious lie for the both of us, but to that stupid bastard of a guard had no idea. "Oh, I see. Well hopefully this rascal doesn't bother you too much, Miss Minji." The guard laughed it off, in his face reflects confusion as he took his baton and smacks my head, making me start walking out to head back to my cell. "Now that's enough learning for today Y/N, back to your little mansion you go!" He exclaimed, making me take my steps back towards my cell.

In my own cell, my legs are crossed while I rest on the crusty old mattress. Sure it feels like I'm laying on a rock, but in my mind I couldn't felt more relieved. In my mind is only Minju, I didn't even think a second of my late wife, the horrible woman that made me commit the crimes I do today. In fact, that crime is the sole purpose I have this opportunity, and I couldn't miss it for the world. "Minji....you will be mine!"

JIU POV

Getting home to my convent, my mind simply could not brush away the thoughts of y/n. He was a sinful man, and what he did couldn't be said any worse. But for some reason, my heart is racing, it screams for more of that. Is that what sexual pleasure means? Being a holy child of God, I was never interested into indulging myself into such filthy acts, but that was too much for me to resist. Resisting in bed that night I made sure to lock the rooms of my own room, hoping the rest of the sisters to not find me in this state, in heat and about to perform such sinful acts. My body naked without a thread, as I look down, my shaven pussy dripping wet. I gulped, my thoughts conflicting between each other, but eventually it was no longer in my head. I start to slowly touch my clitoris that made me instantly let out a moan. "Aaah~!" I covered my mouth, turning down the volume of my sexual voices as I touch myself, wishing nobody will see me. My fingers kept moving on its own, now penetrating into my pussy, fingering myself. I could yelp and scream, but my hand muffled the sounds to ensure it doesn't reach anybody's ears to listen. My fingers slide in and out of my pussy, touching myself as my body tingles, it couldn't last any longer. "nghhh- noooo...aaah!" Eventually my body gave up, spurting cum all over my mattress, making me moan out load for a few seconds as my urges got the best of me. I panted, looking around my room, nothing really catches my eye, only the fact my body was so into the pleasure of getting groped and touched by a dangerous criminal who so happens to hate women. But somehow with all those issues regarding him, I want to see him again, and I want all of that again.

Y/N's POV

Days gone by, and that hot nun just couldn't leave my mind. How I want to absolutely ruin her and use her as my own personal toy, I just couldn't stand it. Unfortunately, this isn't a lavish life where everything goes my way. Prison life is as horrible as it sounds. Humiliating tasks to complete, food that even rats wouldn't dare to touch, and to top it all off, the annoyance from the shouting yappers they call guards just makes life so tense. Luckily enough, I made acquaintance with a guy that sells cigarettes for some dirty money, and it's my only pathway to maintain my sanity in this new life.

With a blunt between my lips, my footsteps move towards the holy room, a place where it's expected to find the hot chick in prison area. Creaking the door open, I could see her stood in the room just as expected, cleaning the church area. Putting out the spark on my cig, I threw it to the nearest trashcan as I drop my footsteps towards her. "Missed me, Sister Minji?" I smirked, as my footsteps echoes the room. No reply, not surprised by that. I would expect her to actually make me leave or call the guards on me to make me go back to my cell. "What you did the other day....was a sin, my child." She responded after a minute of silence. She didn't flinch nor make a step back, making it more inviting for me to come closer. As we reach closer, only an inch apart of each other, holding her shoulders as I caress them a bit. "My wife was a complete asshole, Minji..." My voice speaks out, almost like a whisper to her ears. "...and I need you, to repent her sins." As I finished, my hands pulled her in, attaching my lips on hers. Kissing her deeply, my mouth tries to get a reply from the nun, hoping she opens up a bit more. "Mmmh...nghhhh~" Minji sounded her restrains, trying to resist. Eventually however, her lips part ways as she opens up, giving me a chance to make out with her deeply. "Mmmmh~ just like that Minji. Such a good girl" I groaned, enjoying my mouth on her innocent lips. After a while of making out, I pulled away and looked into her eyes, giving her space to breath. "God, please forgive me for my acts." Her face blushes, looking down, ashamed of her acts. "God won't hear nothing from you today. Might as well just use that mouth for something better."

I held her tight and guided her to fall to her knees. With zero resistance from Minji, it was easy for me to put her down. "You wanted this, don't you?" I grinned as I undo my pants, letting down the lower half of my jumpsuit to reveal my hardening boner. "It's not like that. I-I" she was hesitant. It was obvious in those pretty cat-like eyes her mind is going back and forth trying to get an answer. Unlucky for her, no is never an answer here. My cock is already out, twitching on her face as I rest it on her smooth pale skin. And I need her innocent body to relieve all the tension building up in me. "Suck." I ordered, but her small face shook in rejection, making me sigh in disappointment. "Guess I have to do it myself huh?" I grabbed the back of her scalp, gripping it hard enough to make her yelp in the bit of pain as I stuff her mouth with my cock, pushing it as deep as I possibly can in one push. "Nghhhh~! Accckk..!" Minji screamed, muffled by my member between her pretty lips yet echoes through the room. The muffled gags and chokes excites me, making my cock grow bigger in her tight throat as I plunge in deeper. Despite being her first time doing oral sex, taking it rough the first time too, she's doing well to stay awake. Even though tears running down her eyes and her face filled with her own spit and precum, the sight is such a beauty, it made me enjoy the whole process of my hips moving back and forth skullfucking her innocence out.

A few moments of thrusting in and out of Minji's face, I finally decided to pull out, letting her have time to breathe. "Bwaaah.... aaaah, goodness." She gasped for air, trying to gain her conscious, then moving away as she expected my little game is over. "Oh Sister Minji, where do you think you're going?" I grabbed her small forearm, stopping her movements. Her eyes widen, shocked from the revelation, and her tight body was immediately brought to one of the benches in the church, where I made her hands on the seats, bending her over. If it were up to me, I would've torn her garments apart and ravish her. But that would probably cause trouble for me with the guards, so I just took off her maxi and reveal her curved ass, only covered by her white panties, stained with her own wet juices. "Look at you~ so wet down here already~" I giggled as I gave her a firm spank, making her grasp the bench and scream out a moan. "I- It was too much for me to resist." She responded, her voice sounded so fragile and submissive, making my cock throb in excitement. My hand pulled down her white panties to her ankles. Now her untouched treasure fully exposed to me, I couldn't resist the urge to give a touch on her wet entrance. My soft touch on her pure innocence made her let out a sensual moan, resulting in a big grin on my face. It's a sign she's giving in. I keep exploring, increasing my pace on her touch-craving pussy, circling around her wet clitoris, where she constantly twitched and grunted from the sensation. "Aaaah...y/n..." Her voice sounds more sensual as her body looked weaker and could barely last. That's when I start to go rough on her again, pushing my index and middle finger inside her pulsing walls. Immediately as my fingers pushed in, she immediately screamed and moaned, enjoying the sensation as her body vibrates from pleasure. "OH GOSH Y/N NOOOO!" Her reaction only prompted me to go faster. "You like it, don't you? Being a slut in God's holy space? Showing off how much of a slut you are~!" I teased, my fingers reaching as deep as they could, while her moans escalated. "No...please do not say that...it is- aaah!" The moment she started to talk back, I immediately went faster and rougher, touching her sensitive parts to cause her to create a scene in the church with her moans echoing through the room. "No- nghhhh... I can not hold it any longer! Forgive me My Lord....I'm, kyaaahhh!" Her screams ignites her climax, cumming on my fingers and wetting herself as her juices drip down her thighs.

"Haa...haaahh" The gorgeous lady panted, laying on the bench as her mind process the depurification of her body unfold in such a holy area. But her eyes kept staring at mine, not with anger nor grudge, but confusion. As if she's having a war between herself, trying to pick up words of what she might decide to do after all this. I kneeled down, my eyes level to hers as I gave her a rub on the scalp. "Tell me, Sister. What is it in your mind?" I asked, as my cock throbs, waiting for more action. Minji gulped, her mind racing around looking for a decision. Or maybe she already does, yet too shy to ask. "P-please...please have sex with me more, Y/n." She muttered, sparking joy and lust within me. "Then in position, bitch!" I ordered, giving her face a firm smack to show her where she stands now, nothing more than a little slut for me, my entertainment in my 10-year sentence. She nodded obediently, her back now on the bench as she spread her legs to show her soaked cunt. And oh God, what a sight, a religious woman completely offering her pussy to a prisoner like a cheap slut she is, nothing makes me happier. I stroked my cock as I get closer to her pussy, slowly sliding my tip in. I looked at Minji's face looking at how she's taking my tip, since this is her first time. "Aaaah.....it's so big y/n" She whined, but eventually got used to my size as her breathe starts to ease out. "Seems like you're ready for the next step." I was never planning on going easy on this ass, and I won't change my mind. My hips immediately buck back and forth, fucking her tight cunt as hard as possible. "Aaaah! Wait no ngaaaaah you are- God too rough!" Minji screamed, feeling my cock plunging in and out of her tight virgin pussy, no mercy for her first time. "Fuck do I care, Minji? You wanna get fucked don't you? Then fucking take it!" My hips got into a faster pace, going rough on her with no sign of mercy, making her scream. Although her screams were getting louder, she didn't seem to want to stop. Her arms on my shoulders, holding on me tight.

With her arms now on me, it gives me a good excuse to hold her tight and carry her up, holding her tight body whilst my cock stays inside her sweet cunt. "Fuck- you're clingy aren't you?" I grinned as I humped her body upwards, making Minji move up and down my cock, with gravity helping drag her body down to take every inch of me. "Nghhh- forgive me y/n....I can't resist it any longer. I need your penis even more now!" The way her lips moved while she speaks, it turns me on, it drives me crazy. I brought ourselves near a wall, making the slutty nun's back face the wall. It gives me an easier pathway to thrust, fucking this bitch as rough as I want while holding her by her ass cheeks. "Aaaah~! Y/N it feels so good, gaaaah~!" her moans felt like music, a sensation I longed for so many years after my wife turned into the cheating bitch she was. Those memories can now be buried, a new sensation arises, with this tight slut being mine, and mine only. My lips now crashes onto hers, kissing her deeply whilst she took my hard cock in and out easily now after a lot of rough strokes. "Mmmmh~! Fuck- Minji, I wanna cum...I wanna cum in your fucking pussy!" I grunted, my cock couldn't hold it any longer as my shaft yearns to unload itself. "Wait no- that's too dan-" without waiting her to finish speaking, I already reached my limit, my cock starts to let loose, shooting ropes of cum deep inside her pussy, filing up her womb. "Aaaaah...kyaaaah!" Minji held me tight, accepting my rewards and my sign of marking, an officiation to being my slut. It wouldn't be enough to mark her insides, my mouth aims towards her neck, kissing and sucking on it before biting on it, my fangs leaving a purple mark, a hickey as a sign of ownership. My member took her time to finish, emptying myself in her womanhood. I panted, barely feeling my legs as I quickly walked towards a nearby bench to sit, with Minju still on top and my cock still inside her. I didn't want to say a word, and so does she. Our only exchange of communication were our lips kissing, tongues clashing between on one another. Our eyes interlock as we know from this day forward, heaven felt so distant, it's beyond reachable. But this sensation, for now, is our heaven.

#kpop smut #kpop nsft #female idol smut #dreamcatcher smut #jiu smut #kpop x male reader

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sarawritestories · 6 months

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Unwavering Presence Chapter 10

Cassian X Archeron Sister (Reader)

Summary:

Content Warning: MINORS DNI 18+ Whipping, degradation (not by Cassian), BJ, Not proofread

A/N PLEASE READ: Okay, this episode does get heavy, though we will be ending on a happier note. But after Chapter 11 and probably 12, the story is going to take a dark turn as we get closer to the impending war in Hybern. I just want you guys to be aware.

Also if the ending feels a little rushed I'm sorry. I wanted you guys to get this as quickly as possible which meant that i needed to cut some stuff to use for the next chapter.

Word Count: 7.9K (Oops)

Unwavering Masterlist Chapter 9

I slowly rose to my feet, “What are you doing here?”

Xavier was the one to answer his lips pursed as if I repulsed him, “Word travels fast in small villages, Doll.” He took a step forward and I could hear Cassian’s instructions in my head; Never turn your back on an opponent. You leave yourself vulnerable. I angled my body, facing both men and having my back toward the wall. His instructions from our training continued, check for exits. Your human body is frailer than mine so if you have the chance to run take it. The window by the bed and the door are blocked with no easy exit. “We heard the Archeron twins had returned. We had to see for ourselves if it was true. We stopped by the manor, and before we could emerge from the forest, you bolted out like a doe on a hunt. We followed.”

Graysen took a step forward I refused to take one back, I lifted my chin, he grips it and yanks it down. “There was a time she was as obedient as a doll.” He pinched where he had his hold on me, and I snarled and swatted his hand and he chuckled. “Now she has a bite.”

“She always had it.” I glanced over to Xavier, “Why did you think I wanted her so badly?” A smirk I once thought was mischievous and handsome, was something darker and threatening. I blinked and suddenly his hand gripped the back of my neck, “I wanted to break her.” He squeezed.

I gripped his arm and twisted his arm until he was pushed on the wall. A steel blade hidden in a sheath on my thigh, a gift from Cassian before we left for the human realms this morning. I pressed the blade to his throat, “What do you both want?” I grit out.

The cold bite of steel was against my own throat, “We want you back in the human lands where you belong. I know my soon to be bride would like at least one of her sisters back home” I dropped the knife. “Glad you see things-“

I turned quickly and punched Graysen in the nose. Lifted my skirt and ran out the door only for multiple hands to grab me. As I thrashed Graysen and Xavier exiting the cottage, blood trickled down the former’s nose. A hand gripped my hair and yanked forcing my head up, and I cry out in pain. “Cry out all you want, no one can hear you.” Xavier comes close and my chest heaves, as his leather clad finger grazed my cheek, taking advantage of my mouth being parted slid his digit in my mouth pressing down on my tongue as I pressed. “You know what to do.” His eyes were distant and violent.

I leveled him with a glare and bit his finger and felt hands gripping me tightened around my arms as Xavier yelled. In a rapid movement, he smacked my face. “Maybe the fae men, that have been keeping you have been too soft.” He gripped my neck and squeezed. “I think its time to remind you what you are and where you belong.” He squeezed tighter and I gasped, air refusing to reach my lungs before releasing me. “Strip her.” He turned and walked back toward his friend as the sound of fabric tearing was met with the cold bite of air on my bare skin. My body began to tremble as I lowered my shields and screamed out for help hoping Rhys would hear me. Hoped Cassian would find me.

Children’s laughter wafted through my ears as I walked through a village next to mine. I had just gotten done looking for a job. Feyre came home for the second time with no game, and I couldn’t just sit by and watch our family starve. I woke up early and headed into town. Unfortunately, no one had work or conveniently were capped out on people. I sat at the edge of the fountain and pressed my palm into my eyes.

“Now why is a pretty girl like you crying.” I looked up and found a handsome man in uniform his blonde hair down and his eyes were as blue as an ice sculpture.

“It’s nothing and its not kind to lie, Sir,” I sniffled, and rose, “I also should get going. My family needs me.”

A hand gripped my wrist halting me, I turned to him and was acutely aware of him rubbing his thumb against my pulse. “I am not lying. You are beautiful.” His hand moved up from my wrist to grip my fingers. He presses his lips over my knuckles and excitement pools in my belly. “Forgive me, I haven’t introduced myself. My name is Xavier. What’s yours beautiful?”

Heat crept into my cheeks as I averted his gaze, “Y/N.”

He hummed, “Well, Y/N, I’ve never seen you around before. What brings you down to our humble village.”

I bit my lip, “I’m trying to find work.” No need to mention how poor we were, that was evident in my appearance.

“Well, it just so happens,” Another voice I turned and a brown-haired man in fine attire stepped forward. “I’m in need of a new maid.”

I bowed my head and curtsied, “It would be an honor to serve my lord.”

Xavier chuckled behind me, “Believe me, baby the honor will be ours.

Cassian’s POV

Calling out for Y/N, the front door slammed, and the house fell into an uncomfortable silence. Nesta had already left for her room and Feyre reached out and grabbed my hand as Elain sat up placing her hand on the edge of the table smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles. “Feyre, did she ever mention Graysen to you at all?” My eyebrow lifts in question.

Feyre’s brow also goes up surprised by the question, “No, why do you ask?”

Elain frowns, “He said he knows her well, they used to be friendly. He said his best friend and her were smitten. Then she just disappeared and never spoke to them again. I almost didn’t want to believe him, but he looked so devastated by the fact that she was gone and had been taken,” She paused wrinkling her nose not liking the word and it was similar thing her baby sister had done, but she corrected, “staying in the fae lands. He insisted that we would get her back and she would be where she belonged.”

“Does she belong here?” All heads turned to me as I voiced the question. I rose from my chair and watched as the middle Archeron’s sister eyes widened. “From just the brief stories both of your sisters had shared with me. She has felt more at home in my court than she has ever has under your care.” She flinched at the words, and I couldn’t bring myself to care. “She is no one’s property, and no one is allowed to make decisions on where she belongs, Y/N is the only one who makes that decision.”

Elain raised her chin at me, “You’re right, General. Now go get her.” She pointed to the door, a fierceness in her doe eyes, there appeared to be more than what people assume of this Archeron Sister. and walked toward the stairs most likely to find Nesta.

There was a long pause, “I’m going to go get her.”

Azriel rose from his seat, “Cass, we have to be smart about this.”

I glared at him, “She could be in danger.”

Azriel returned the glare with one of his own, “She could be perfectly fine. If we barge into places trying to find her, we could run the risk of breaking the treaty. Then we lose all leverage of working with the human queens.”

I gritted my teeth, “I could care less about the damn treaty.”

Rhys rose with his palms up, as if he was approaching a wild animal, “Listen I know you want to go after her, but Az is right we need to be-“ Feyre’s painful scream caused him to pause. I rounded the corner to her as Rhys placed a gentle hand behind her neck as Feyre covered her ears. “Feyre Darling, what is it?”

“Rhys, make it stop. I can hear her voice in my head. Make it stop.” Feyre whimpered and I laced my hand into hers and she gripped my hand tightly, Az moved closer as well his shadows swirling and moved around Feyre trying to provide comfort.

Rhys and I exchange a look, “Who do you hear Feyre?” He wiped the tears from her face with his thumb and then moved her hands from her ears.

The Archeron twin squeezed my hand, “She is calling for you Rhys,” her eyes met mine, “She’s screaming for you, Cassian.”

I took a deep breath, “Say her name, Feyre.”

Rhys’ hissed as he reached for his wrist, the one that mirrors Y/N’s. “Y/N.” Feyre whispered.

Azriel was the one to speak, “Rhys?”

Rhys’ eyes flared with anger, “Let’s go get out girl back.”

Feyre stood and Rhys released his grip on her, “I’m coming with.”

Rhys smirked, “That was a given. She is your twin. I would never separate you.”

Feyre turned to me anger in her blue grey eyes, “General, Go get my sister back.”

I kissed her cheek and give her a smirk, “It would be my pleasure.”

Reader POV

They shackled my hands the chain that was being pulled by Xavier and dragged me into the forest. “Please don’t do this.” I whispered; my breathing labored from his unrelenting pace. “Please I’m begging.”

Xavier stopped between two trees that were evenly that had low hanging branches ropes tied to them already. I tried stepping back but a hand collided with my ass causing me to step forward Graysen chuckled. Bastard. Xavier yanked the chain of my wrists and gripped my waist pressing me flush against his chest. “Stop squirming, Doll.” Xavier whispered in my ear. “It’s not going to help you.” He kissed my cheek, and I dodged my head. His free hand gripped my face. “You are being so naughty.” I tracked two guards walking up to us. I could feel his smirk against my skin, and I wanted to vomit. “We’re going to fix that. Get you back to how I like you.”

The guards unlock my shackles and are quick to grab my wrists. “Get off me!” The two men tightened their grip, I dragged my feet, The two men didn’t miss a step and got me to the middle of the trees where two other guards handed them the ropes. I kept hearing Cassian’s voice Fight, Princess, Fight! Though when both guards tightened the knots on my wrist tightly to the point of me yelping in pain, fighting seemed pointless. My arms were spread, and the ropes were looped around my ankles spread my legs apart.

Xavier walked around with a smirk on his face, a familiar leather bite in his hands. “If you apologize, we could lesson your punishment.”

I spat at him, “Go fuck yourself.”

He sighed, “Suit yourself. 10 lashes for abruptly leaving me, 10 lashes for going to the Fae realm, 20 for punching Graysen in the face, and 10 for your foul mouth.” He was about to shove the bit in my mouth then paused, “You will count each strike. Stop counting, or stumble over we start from the beginning.” He gripped my corset, took a dagger, and sliced the fabric and it drifted to the ground exposing my back. “Do you understand?”

I lifted my chin and kept my mouth shut in defiance and quirked a brow at him. He tsked and looked passed me giving him with a nod. The sound of the whip cracking and pain laced my back, and I clenched my jaw. “Answer him, Y/N.” Graysen sounded behind me.

I kept my lips closed. Whack. I closed my eyes as the pain burned into my skin tears slid down my cheeks. Whack. I gripped the ropes binding me and I refused to cry in front of them. “Get the Barbed whip Graysen.”

My eyes shot open; I shook my head, tugging my bonds the rope beginning to chafe my skin,“No, please. I understand, sir. I understand. Please.” Xavier held his hand up. I whimpered, “Please, Sir.”

“Alright, Alright,” He cups my cheek and presses his lips to mine and my brain screamed, Wrong, wrong, wrong. “My good little slut.” I nodded as tears fell down my face. “Say it. Say you are my good little slut.”

I hang my head down low, my shoulders drooping. “I’m your good little slut.”

“Count.” Xavier ordered with that cold tone.

Whack! The bite of the barbed whip dug into my skin; I screamed as Graysen pulled the whip back. I gritted my teeth. “One”

Whack! Another blood curdling scream escaped my lips, my skin felt like it was on fire as he pulled the whip back. Tears trailed down my face as the warmth of blood trickled down my back. “Two.” I whispered. Xavier chuckled as he wiped my tears.

Whack! My whole body jolted, and my arms began to quiver as the whip landed on of the open wounds. “Please.” I couldn’t control the waiver in my voice, “Stop, please.” I whimpered as Xavier gripped my face.

He gives my cheek a few pats. “That wasn’t a number, Doll.” My eyes widened. “Take it from the top.”

I shook my head, “No, no it was three,” Panic settles in as Xavier stepped back, “No please!” Whack! I cried out my body completely shaking as my back felt like it was being shredded. I hung my head down as sobs racked out my body. My lips were chapped from dehydration, “One,” I croaked.

Xaviers fingers grazed my neck and as the next blow hit, he squeezed my throat so I couldn’t scream and more importantly I couldn’t count.

Blood was pooling at my feet clinging to my heels. “Looks like someone is not playing fair.” Stars specked my visions as I looked up and sobbed. Cassian was leaning against a tree with a lethal grace. His eyes flicked to mine for a moment, his gaze trailing down to see the blood pooling, his eyes darkened and his jaw clenched as he pushed off the tree. “I suggest you release my princess.”

Xavier puffed out his chest and laughed squeezing my neck, eliciting a whimper to slip past my lips. Cassian snarled, “Princess?” My ex looked at me as my vision was blackening around the edging my vision and he let me go as I gasped for air. “A pleasure whore at best.” He looked at Cassian’s wings, “Or maybe the Fae’s who-“

Swiftly Cassian’s blade met his neck, “Care to finish that sentence?” Cassian’s grin was terrifying gone was the gentle male and in his place: The General of the Night Court’s Armies. Through clenched teeth he said, “Cut. Her. Down. Now.”

Xavier smirked, “Or what?”

The sound of an arrow taking flight and taking purchase in a body followed by a low grunt and thud. I sob mixed with a laugh escaped me. Feyre was here. Against Cassian’s hues of Cobalt blue brightens his face. Azriel. I could barely keep my head up when Cassian answered. “You’ll find yourself at the mercy of her twin.”

Xavier walked behind me, the sound of arrows whirling and screaming flooding my ears. Keeping my eyes open was becoming difficult as one hand was cut free, my leg was next, he moved to the other leg. Before he cut the rope on my wrist, he leaned close in my ear. “I’ll see you again doll,” He licked my ear he speared two fingers in one of the wounds on my back. Stars banked my vision as I unleashed a strained scream that was closer to a howl, and I collapsed before my body could crumple to the floor, warm calloused hands caught me, and darkness pulled me under.

Cassian’s POV

This fucker wanted to die. Feyre and Az took out the rest of the guards, the other finely dressed human had fled, Y/N’s tormentor following suit with him. I was about to pass Y/N to Rhys to go after him, but he stopped. “We have more pressing issues then them.” Rhys said looking down at his mate’s twin. I looked down at my sweet girl who was unconscious in my arms acutely aware that her blood was soaking through my hands, her breathing was shallow.

Feyre and Azriel ran over to us, Feyre falling to her knees as looked at her sister. She stroked her paled cheek, “We need to get her to healer.” Az said. “I can get her back to Madja.” I looked at my brother, his eyes had grown distant, no doubt thinking about the scars on his hands and how her screams sounded familiar to him.

“No.” I whispered, Az met my gaze, “Winnow me to edge, then come back here.”

“Do it now!” Rhys grated out, “She doesn’t have a lot of time.” He reached down and grabbed Feyre, “Cassian will take good care of her, Darling.”

Feyre looked at me, “Promise?”

I nodded, “She will be well cared for.” Feyre leaned into Rhys as silver lined her eyes. I looked to Az who grabbed my arm as I held Y/N close in my arms.

Shadows enveloped up and once we came back two, we were on the boarder of the Night Court. Azriel looked at Y/N, He gently swiped her cheek. “In the House of Wind, there is a salve in my drawer for scars it helps numb the pain and helps when the scars are healed. Put it on her when she comes to. She’ll need it.”

I nodded and stretched my wings, “Thanks, brother.” Azriel nodded and he was enveloped in his shadows as I took to the skies. My siphons flared as I created a shield around us to keep the wind from pressing her naked form. I pushed harder than I have in getting to Velaris. Once in town I pounded on Madja’s door.

She opened grumbling about being woken up and met my ears before she opened the door. “You better have a good reason for-“ Madja opened the door and saw that the blood pooling at her front step. “Come on, hurry.” I stepped inside and she instructed me to the home office, “Place her face down.” I laid her on the cot and gently flipped her on her stomach and my heart broke, her back was marred up with deep gashes but past the blood pale raised skin raised on her back as if this wasn’t the first time she had endured the end of a whip.

She groaned and my heart wretched, her eyes opened slightly, and she groaned. “Ca-“she coughed. I knelt in front of her and pushed some of her hair that was clinging to her forehead.

“Shhh, don’t try to speak,” I ran my fingers through her hair, “We’re getting you all fixed up.” Y/N nodded, and she moved her arm wincing in pain as she did as Madja began working. She held out her hand palm up, a silent question; stay with me? I lace my hand with hers, “I’m not going anywhere.” She was fighting to keep her eyes open I pressed my forehead to hers, “Close your eyes, Princess. I’ll be here when you wake.” At that she closed her eyes still clutching my hand.

Madja held her hands over her back, “I can’t guarantee I can heal this without their being scars.” She tsked, “Who would do something like this?” I pulled her hand closer to me and placed a featherlight kiss. “I don’t know, Madja. She didn’t deserve this.”

Xavier’s POV

I stormed into Graysen’s office and threw the first thing in my sight which was a decanter of whiskey. “Will you calm down?” Graysen voice rang out as he shut the door behind him.

“We had her! Those Fae Bastards.” I punched his wall, my fist breaking through the drywall. “I hate them.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m going to meet with the human queens let them know they broke the treaty.” Graysen with an unsettling calm.

“Fuck the treaty. I want my toy back.”

Graysen leveled me with a cold stare, “Find a new toy. I mean there is one last Archeron sister you can have.”

“I. don’t. want. Her. I want Y/N.” My mind trailed back where she was on her knees looking up at me with the upmost obedience as I defiled her face, never breaking eye contact. “She is mine and those fae monsters will not take her from me,” I straightened my back and dusted myself off. A plan forming in my head. “Don’t contact the queens they don’t give a damn about that treaty. Also, it interferes with my plan.”

Graysen’s back went ramrod, “What are you plotting, Xavier?”

I smirked, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later, Gray.” I walked out of his office with a smile on my face and a plan to get my girl.

Reader POV

My eyes creaked open and I was in my room in Rhys’ townhome. I sat up and winced as my back throbbed. The shuffling beside me caused me to jolt as I turned my head to find Cassian in a chair asleep. The blanket he was using had draped down to his waist exposing his bare chest tattoos climbing up his arms meeting at the center of his clavicle. I took a moment to admire him, his head was leaning against the chair, his hair was down, and a few strands were in his face. So, at peace and beautiful when he slept. I leaned over to move his hair out of his face when his eye opened and I snapped my hand back. “I could feel you watching me sleep, Princess.” I averted my gaze heat climbing my gaze.

Memories flooded to the surface, I bit my lip, and I lowered my head in shame. I felt a dip in the bed his warm fingers gently guiding my face to look at him, “How are you feeling?”

“It hurts. Physically. Emotionally.” I swallowed down the tears, “I tried to fight.” I whispered, not realizing I was leaning into his touch. “Tried putting all that training to use. Doesn’t work when there is a swarm of men waiting for you.” I looked down at my oversized shirt that met my knees, I furrowed my brow confused, “Um.”

Cassian held his one hand up, “Madja changed you after doing what she could for your back. I didn’t want to go through your things so.” He gestured to his shirtless body.

Something tightened in my chest, and I could feel the heat searing in my cheeks. “You gave me your shirt?” He nodded. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, Princess.” Cassian smiled though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Madja, was able to heal most of your back some of the wounds but there were a few that were deep that she could only partially heal. She was able to stop their bleeding and stitched you up but those are going to have to heal on your own. You’ll be tender for a few days.” He tucked his hair behind his ear, and it was his turn to look away clearing his throat, “I should have gotten their sooner.”

I grabbed his hand, and he met my stare again, maintaining eye contact I lifted his hand and kissed his palm. “What happened to me wasn’t your fault, Cassian. I may not look it right now, but I’m just happy you found me when you did.” I heard him intake a breath sharply, as I began to press my thumbs into his palms, needing to do something. Massaging his hand, I watched his eyes flutter close, and a hum of approval moved passed his lips. His eyes opened again; his pupils blown out; he leveled me with a stare. “What?” I blinked and paused my hands.

“Why are you massaging my hand?” his voice cracked slightly.

I gave him a small smile and shrugged, “You’re a fighter, your hands hold a lot of tension, this will help.”

I was about to continue when his other hand covered mine, “Princess, that’s not what I’m asking.”

I sighed and moved his hand, so I could continue massaging the one in my lap. “I need to do something as a thank you. Also, if it’s something that pleases you, I want to do it.”

Cassian gently pulled his hand away from mine, so I was forced to look at him, “You don’t need to thank me or please me. Who the fuck made you think that you need to please those that help you when you need.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, and a tear slipped down my cheek. “Xavier.” Cassian’s face softened. “He said whores should be grateful and thank them for pulling them out of bad situations.” I looked down, “He always liked me on my knees for him when he did something for me. I like pleasing and caring for others, and I am aware that he took advantage of that.”

Cassian growled and I flinched, he must have realized because he got up, “Scoot forward a bit for me,” I did as he asked and he slid behind me, “Lean back if you’d like,” I scooted back and leaned back and was met with his warm chest against my aching back. He leaned his head on his shoulder and his arm gripped my middle, “You will never have to thank me for anything. You owe me nothing. I helped you because the idea of you being in danger makes me ill. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you, and I couldn’t be there to stop it. That’s how much I care for you. My care for you will never need to be paid by you. Ever!” His nose grazed my neck, and I angled my head, so he had better access, and he pressed a chaste kiss at my pulse point. “Do you understand, Princess?”

Tears were in a free fall, and I was so tired of crying, “I understand, Cassian.” I paused and leaned my head against his, “I care for you too, Cass.” I yank of his hand from my waist, “Your hands are full of tension will you please let me do this. Because I want to.”

He chuckled and the sound was music to my ears. “Sure, Princess.” I proceeded to massage his hand working out the knots on each finger, Cassian groaned, and I paused. “Don’t stop. It feels good.” I smiled and continued as he went on, “I should be giving you a massage.”

Rubbing down his wrist, I shrugged, “I’ll hold you to that at a later date. Right now, I want to take care of you.” Before he could open his mouth, I cut him off, “I am acutely aware that I need to take care of myself. You can take care of me when I’m done, okay?” I sighed, “Just let me do this, please.”

“One hour, then its back to me taking care of you.” I nodded but he nudged his head against mine, and moaned in my ear as I reached a tender spot. Heat pooled in my stomach, “When did you get so good at this?”

Placing his arm back around my waist his fingers squeezed my stomach and another wave of heat of arousal hit my core. He inhaled and then quickly lightened his grip, as I picked up his other hand, “I would massage my father’s leg after it was shattered. He would wince in pain constantly, especially with the seasons changing. I hated seeing him in pain, so I started massaging his leg. Hoping that if I eased the pain, it would be enough for him to get back to working.” I shook my head, “It’s in the past.” Cassian only hummed in answer. “When does Feyre, Rhys, and Az come home?”

“Later tonight, Rhys wants to make sure another ambush doesn’t happen at your sister’s manor.” I nodded kneading his calloused flesh. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head, “No.” I closed my eyes for a moment the crack of the whip ringing in my ears followed by screams and tears, “I haven’t fully processed that last night was real and not a nightmare.” I patted his hand, “You’re done.”

Cassian remained quiet and wrapped his other arm around my torso. I leaned into him, my head laying on his chest. He leaned his head against mine, “You hungry?”

My stomach grumbled in response, “Does that answer your question, General?”

Cassian flicked my nose, “Come on, let’s go get some food.” Cassian slid off the bed and held out his hand for me to take. Accepting his offering he gently helped me up and chuckled as his shirt hung right above my knees. “You look so cute.”

I blushed, “You’re a giant you know that?” He led me down to the kitchen not bothering to put on a shirt. He released my hand and gripped my hips hoisting me up onto the kitchen counter next to the stove. I giggled, “What you don’t want my help?”

Cassian rolled his eyes, “No I want you to sit right there and let me take care of you.” He kissed my forehead. “Okay.”

I realized that I don’t have to look up and meet his eyes and then look around the kitchen, “Huh.”

“What?” He scrunched his nose looking around trying to see what I was staring at.

“This is what it feels like to be gigantic.” I looked at Cassian with my most innocent smile. “Fascinating.”

He clenched his hands into fist and placed both arms on either side of me, his face getting closer to mine, his face intense as he leans into my ear and blows lightly against the shell of it causing me to shiver. “I personally prefer the view under me.” A light nip, and I bit my lip to suppress a moan, “My wings aren’t the only thing that are gigantic about me, Princess.”

I was beginning to get lightheaded as his nose grazed my neck. “Cassian.” I moaned and quickly covered my mouth in embarrassment.

He pulled my hand from my mouth and kissed my knuckles “A natural reaction, Sweetheart. Though I do love my name on your lips.” Cassian’s voice sounded strained then he winked at me and made butterflies flutter in my stomach. He rolled his shoulders and pulled away from me, he grabbed ingredients from various places. He laid out his ingredients and pulling a knife from the drawer he began to cut vegetables strategically angling his body to shield what he was doing.

I leaned closer and twisted my body to see what he was doing and there was a burning sensation pulsing on my back and I winced. Cassian’s head turned to me immediately halting chopping to see what was wrong. He took in my posture, “Sit up straight, you won’t put as much strain on your back.” I did as he instructed as he continued his prepping.

“Who taught you how to cook?” I asked kicking my dangling feet lightly. Watching his muscles flex as he used the steel to chop down the vegetables in bite size pieces. His back flexed with the motions, even the most mundane of tasks were fascinating so long as he was

“Rhys’ mother taught all three of us, how to cook. She told us that it was an important skill to have,” He paused and grinned at me, “I miss her.”

I smile, “She sounds lovely.” I said tucking my hands under my bare thighs.

“She was.” He sighed and proceeded, “She would have loved you. His sister too. They would have said that you and Feyre were a breath of fresh air that we needed here.”

“You remind me of someone I knew long ago, she would have loved you.”

I furrowed my brows, “Cassian, Rhys said once I reminded him of someone he knew long ago.” His muscles tensed, “Was he talking about his sister?”

“Cassian smiled, “You have her fighting spirit. You are about as good as listening as she was too.” I laughed, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he saw a lot of her in you. I see her in you.”

“Did you love her?” I throat bobbed at the question.

Cassian walked over to me slotting himself in between my legs causing them to spread myself to him, and my breath hitched, my chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace. “As one would love a sibling. I never knew what the feeling of love was like, before.” He lifted his hand, his thumb grazing my slightly parted bottom lip.

“And now?” I sighed, as his hand lowered and wrapped around the back of my neck.

He tilted his head, his chest heaving making his tattoos move like entrancing black flames. “Now,” he pulls me closer to his leather and sandalwood scent overwhelming. He angled my head and my eyes fluttered shut. His voice a low whispered, “Now I-“

“Oh, I didn’t know you two came home early.” Mor’s voice filled the kitchen and he pulled away from me. My eyes slowly opened, and disappointment washed over me. Mor greeted us with a jolly grin on her face as Cassian pecked the top of her head and turned to resume chopping. I hopped down from the counter as Mor pulled me into her arms, her grip tight and her nails dug into my back, I whimpered.

“Morrigan!” Cassian roared, causing her to jump away from me as I fought the tears burning. Cassian wings flared in front of me, “For fuck’s sake she’s hurt.” I peaked past Cassian’s wing and saw Mor’s face fall slightly.

Her mouth opened, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

I waved her off and moved to stand next to Cassian, “It’s fine.” I croak out.

“It’s not,” Cassian growled as he turned me and lifted my shirt to check my wounds. “Shit, you’re bleeding again. Damnit Mor.” Cassian leveled her with a lethal glare, causing her to take a step back. “Be more careful.”

I placed my hand over his heart, “She didn’t know, Cass. I’m not really hungry anymore.” He sighed and hoisted me up like I weighed nothing. Then without giving her a glance he took me back to my room and into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes widened. Bruises kissed my neck from where Xavier’s fingers clamped down. Cassian muttered, “She knew what she was doing.”

He applied salve to my wounds and drew me a bath. Once I was done my night gown was next to my towel along with some clean undergarments. Walking back to my room Cassian was sitting on my bed with two trays of food so we could have a meal together. Then exhaustion waned on me, and I fell into a deep slumber in Cassian’s arms.

Feyre’s POV

Rhys looped my arm around when we finally made it back to the town house, “Do you think Y/N’s okay.” I asked Rhys as we reached her bedroom door.

Rhys shrugged, “Only one way to find out, Feyre Darling.” He opened my sister’s door and he smiled, “Take a look.”

I looked at him with a furrowed brow and my gaze moved into the room to find Y/N wrapped in the General’s arms his wing tucked over her like an extra blanket, his head pressed on top of hers. Her hand splayed out on his bare chest.

If I were painting this moment, I would call it “The General and His Princess.”

Rhys snorted, A perfect title for them.

Get out of my head, you prick.

Make me, Darling. I pushed him out of my mind and put my shields up.

Cassian POV

Four days later

“We have gotten word back from the Summer Court.” Rhys announced while we were all at the breakfast court. I grumbled and continued eating. Y/N wearing a black lightweight sweater and a red bow, pulling her softly curled hair back, giggled and nudged me. I couldn’t help but smile, the bruise was fading around her neck though she hadn’t talked about what happened. She’s been trying to keep a smile on her face, and her smile is contagious. I winked at her, and she blushed. “Y/N, did you want to join Feyre, Amren and I to the Summer Court.” Rhys asked.

“Why isn’t Cassian and Azriel coming with?”

Az was the one to respond to Y/N, “I have business in another court and Cassian has been banned from the summer court.” Her head whipped at me.

I rolled my eyes, “You level one building, and you are suddenly the most dangerous person to the court.” She tilted her head at me, “I’m going to be in Windhaven while, they are in the Summer Court.”

Her eyes lit up, “Could I join you?”

I looked at Rhys, “That’s your territory brother, if you would like to show Y/N, our home in the mountains makes no difference to me.”

I looked back at her, “How do you feel about snow?” She beamed and my heart leapt at the light in her eyes.

Reader’s POV

Feyre and Rhys had already left by the time I was packing up my bag when there was a knock at my door. “Come in.”

Mor stepped in. Leaning against the door, “How are you feeling?”

I smiled at her, “I’m doing alright. Thanks for checking on me.” I paused. “You know I’m not mad, it was an accident.”

Mor sauntered into my room, “Of course.” She smiled but the smile didn’t shake the uneasiness unraveling in my gut. She kissed my forehead, “I am still very sorry.” Her eyes grew distant as she looked at my faded bruise. “You know, I must be honest about something. I’m happy to see Cassian is moving on.”

I tilted my head, “Moving on from what?”

She shrugged, “Cassian did me a favor once, to help me get out of a bad marriage, he took my virginity. It wasn’t easy for either of us to move on.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Hold on, why are you telling me this? Also why do I feel like you hate me?”

Mor blinked her eyes widening, “I don’t hate you! I’m just saying its nice that Cassian found a new plaything.” I cringed at her verbiage.

Xavier groped my breast as I was trying to clean, “Xavier,” I warned.

He smacked my ass, “Remember you’re nothing but a toy. My own plaything.” He pinched my perked nipples tightly; I screamed out. “Actually, sounds like you could use a reminder. Strip.” He ordered.

“Yes Sir.” I stripped down and folded my clothes, he grabbed my panties as knelt in front of him He unbuckled and began to stroke himself. “Open.”

I opened my mouth, and he rammed his dick into my mouth. I moaned when it reached the back of my throat. “Hmm good little toy.” He gripped my hair and rutted into my mouth. His pace became erratic and before I knew it, he pulled out of my mouth as cum shot out and landing on my face and my chest. Once he was empty, he lifted my chin, wiped the surrounding mess with his finger and slid it in my mouth. I sucked and when it was clean he removed his finger and kissed me passionately. “I love you, Doll.”

I smiled, “I love you too.”

He kissed the top of my head, “No cleaning your self up until your chores are done. And with that he left, and I began work as usual not bothering putting my uniform back on

Mor waved a hand in my face, “Are you alright?”

I smiled, “Fine. Are you taking us to Windhaven?”

She nodded, “I really am glad Cassian found you, Y/N. Even if its for your short lifespan.” With that she left as the reality of her words sunk into my chest causing it to ache.

Cassian’s POV

Mor skipped her way into the room with a grin on her face, Y/N not far behind with a dimmed contorted look on her face even in her snow gear for the mountains she still looked beautiful. Mor had kept her distance from me after the incident with Y/N’s injuries and began clinging on to Azriel more. I could see him feeling uncomfortable with the touching, but his eyes longed for her. I walked up and grabbed the suitcase Y/N was carrying, “Allow me, Princess,” she nodded and gave me a smile that didn’t make her eyes sparkle like they usually did when she was happy. “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

She nodded and Mor held out her hands. We both grabbed her hands and then we were greeted with the cold bite of the mountains. “Rhys will come get you guys when they return from the Summer court.” She waved and the next moment she was gone.

I nudged Y/N who had watched Mor leave and she looked at me, her nose beginning to turn pink. “Follow me, Princess.”

I guided her to the Cabin and let her step in. Dropping the bags and shutting the door. I watched as she stared at the modest cabin in wonder. “What’s going on with you?” I ask breaking her out of her reverie.”

She crossed her arms, something she does when she is ready to get on the defensive. “What makes you think something is wrong?”

“You’ve been avoiding my gaze. Your smile has dimmed since breakfast.” I stepped closer to her, “Talk to me.”

Y/N sighed, “You and Mor slept together.” Son. Of. A Bitch.

I nodded, “We did. It was a one-time thing that I have no interest repeating.” She nodded her head, her expression lightened slightly. She moved from her arms to wringing her hands, “Did she say something?”

“Just that it was nice that you were finally over her and” she looked at the floor, “Had a new plaything.” She cringed as she said the word. Her eyes went distant as if a memory was trying to consume her and she was fighting it. Come back to me, Sweetheart I thought to myself and her eyes met mine.

Blood boiled in me as I knelt in front of Y/N and cupped this beautiful woman’s face in my hands. “I have no interest in Mor. I never have. I don’t have a ‘Plaything.’ I swear she is becoming more like her father with the terms she uses. You aren’t a toy, Princess, not a plaything you are a beautiful, kind woman anyone who makes you feel less, can come see me,” Her eyes lightened and she smiled, “I don’t know what made Mor believe she was the most knowledgeable in my love life and I’m sorry she said something to you that was so crass. But if you want to know the full story, I’ll happily tell you.

“How bout while we unpack for our stay.” She offered tugging at my wrist to get up. I rose to my feet and chuckled at how she had to look up. “It’s annoying how tall you are, General.”

I chuckled and grabbed our bags, and as we unpacked, I told her the story of how Mor was engaged to Eris and she didn’t want to be tied to him and be in a loveless marriage. How she was left out on the border of the Autumn court to die and how Eris found her but did nothing to help. When it was done it we both agreed that it would stay in the past and there was no future. She simply nodded along and then said she was going to get comfortable, kissed my cheek and shut the door I pressed my hand to my cheek and went to finish up my own unpacking.

***

I made us dinner and we ate in a comfortable silence We sat on the couch lounging in front of the fireplace Y/N sat on the opposite end of the couch the tea I made her in hand as she had her knees to her chest. The socks she was wearing stopped right at her thigh and her gray oversized sweater, that drooped over her should, rose revealing. Her hair was in a simple plait over her should and with the soft glow of the fireplace she looked serene and peaceful, especially with the content smile on her face.

What I wouldn't have done to wrap my hand around that braid and tug it to expose her neck to me. To have her lips on mine, to have her in my bed with nothing but those damned socks. She turned her head, catching me staring and her smile broadened. I gave her a smile in return and looked back at the fire, willing myself to calm down I tapped my fingers on my thigh.

I can feel her staring now, her eyes racking over me, "So," she starts causing me to look back at her and I realized she put her tea down and was on her knees on the couch and I internally groaned, she's going to be the death of me. She tilts her head, "What do you have planned for us in general?"

I turned to face her, "I'll show you the camps, and the town of Windhaven if you'd like and I'll have to do some work while i'm here but then we have the day to do whatever."

Y/N bit her lip and her eyes widened as I took my thumb and pulled her lip from her teeth. Her heartbeat quickens and I notice the rise and fall of her full chest. I remove my hand and place both of them on her hips and yank her to me. She shrieked and instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck. Her scent washes over me and something tugs at my chest at her Jasmine, Vanilla, and lilac scent. I began massaging her thigh and she buried her head in my neck, "Flying" she said and if I didn't know better it came out as a moan against my pulse. I move my hands lower to her calves and she does let out a moan as I work through the knots there. "I want go on a flight with you. For fun."

I smiled, "Consider it done, Princess."

She pulled her legs and straddled me, placing her hands on my chest. My hands hovered over her hips, “Cassian,” she breathed her chest heaving, “There is something else I want.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “What would that be?” She pressed her lips in a tight line as she pushed my hair behind my ears, my wings twitched in response to the gesture. Her eyes were blown out; her hand moved from ear to cheek, her eyes focused on my lips. She slowly leaned in and paused. I gripped her hips, “Come here, Princess.” I yanked her closer, and her lips molded into mine as I held her close, and my brain kept repeating the same word.

Mine. Mine. Mine. She’s Mine.

To be continued..

Story Tags: @hellodarling1357 @hnyclover @waytoomanyteenagefeels @amara-moonlight @impossibelle @esposadomd @sleepylunarwolf @stressed-reader @kylaisra @marvelouslovely-barnes @magicstrengthandcourage @spideytingley @awkardnerd @donttellthecats @tastydewdrops @vermillionwinter @asweetblueberry2 @bunnyredgirl @homeslices @azriels-mate2 @oksloan3 @wallacewillow0773638 @fandom-crashlanding @writingstreetspirit @hannzoaks @minnieloo @tuggboatfishin @judig92 @atrxidxs @dustyinkpages @secretlyhers @mxblobby @blogforficslol @historygeekqueen @turtleshavesoulmates @scooobies @anuttellaa @earth-to-lottie @slytherintaco @fxckmiup @tinystarfishgalaxy @cheesebookgirl @oucereeng @st0rmyt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @misslunatic1655 @azrielsmate3 @nebarious @tele86 @chelsiemp @fightmedraco @blackgirlmagicforever @fullmoon-94 @thehighlordishere @jenniferpendragon @ray4hotchner @phoenix666stuff @misskennygirl @whitewolfsbitch @highladyivy @tenaciousperfectionunknown @packsvlog @heyyhelloohii @parabatai-winchester @julesofvolterra @lilah-asteria

If you see your user but didn't get a notification Tumblr won't let me tag you :(

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar #acotar #acotar fanfiction #cassian x you #cassian imagine #cassian fluff #cassian angst

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daenysx · 2 months

Note

hi love ! i know you did one kind of similar to this so don't worry about it if you don't want to do this request but could you maybe do something with a reader who wakes up annoyed with just james? like she doesn't even cry until later but she's just annoyed? i feel like he'd be so good at giving you space but still letting u know he was there for u :) once again no pressure at all lovie !

hi, angel, thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy <3333

james potter x fem!reader

your head feels like it's full of cotton when you first open your eyes.

you don't like waking up feeling useless, like every bone of your body is ready to give up the second you leave your bed. funny thing with bad mornings is that you never know when you'll have them. they just come and ruin your day until it's at least the afternoon.

sitting on bed, you reach for your phone to get it from your nightstand. there's a piece of paper under the phone. you open it.

leaving for the training, angel, i'll be home before noon ♡

james likes drawing hearts around his name when he leaves a note for you. you smile a little no matter how terrible your head feels. it's almost half past 11. you force yourself to leave the bed.

the shower may help. you try so hard to shake off the anger you feel. summer mornings are not so easy to get through without a cold shower, you also like washing your hair and leaving it wet on your bare shoulders. you don't take long, after 10 minutes you go back to your room to get dressed in plain shorts and a small tank top.

you don't feel like eating or drinking a huge iced coffee which is basically your favorite every morning. waiting for james is better, you sit on the couch, watch water drops fall on your skin from your hair.

james opens the door silently, thinking you must be sleeping. you like calling him when you wake up when he's not home, it has become an easy habit. instead he sees you spread your legs on couch, you look exhausted, he doesn't know why. you look at him with widened eyes, no energy, no spark.

he takes off his shoes, leaves the grocery bags on the kitchen counter. he comes to your side, sitting on couch with a hand on your leg. "morning, angel." he says, kissing the side of your head. "slept well?"

you shrug. "not really." you tell him. his brows come together.

"are you tired?" he asks, rubbing his hand on your leg affectionately.

"a little." you say. you'd tell him what's wrong with you if you'd know it yourself. "how was training?"

"same as every time." he answers. "there are two new guys, i think coach wants them in the team."

"that's nice." you say silently. james's eyes have a pinch of worry in them.

"is everything alright, sweetheart?" he asks, gently. "can i get you anything? have you eaten breakfast?"

you don't know the answer of the first question. nothing's wrong actually. you feel like you can throw a tantrum for no reason, you also feel like you have no energy for it. you don't wanna ruin james's day, he was happy in training and he came home to an upset you. it doesn't feel fair. you wanna bury yourself to your pillow and scream until your lungs hurt.

"i just-" you start, not knowing the rest of the sentence. "i don't know, jamie, i just feel off today. please don't worry, i'm sure i'll feel better in a few hours."

it's hard for james to see you like this. like you have no will to do anything. you look like you can't even lift your finger, your eyes lack their usual spark. he doesn't push it, though. you'll come around when you're ready. his hand lingers on your leg.

"it's okay." he says. "i'll prepare something for lunch. come to me when you feel like eating, okay? or for coffee. for anything, i'll be there."

you nod. he leaves after giving you a perfect kiss on your forehead.

you can hear the sound of plates and forks from kitchen, james washes a few things, he cooks something simple for himself. he thinks of making you a plate of your favorite breakfast but he knows you won't eat it unless you want to. he's not gonna force you into eating or drinking something, a bad morning is a bad morning. he eats in the kitchen to give you some space. he cleans up the dishes, talks to remus on the phone with a silent voice, replies some texts as he drinks a cup of tea.

you rub your eyes with your fingers. your anger has been washed away by something different, kinda like an exhaustion, something that makes walking hard and talking harder. you manage to go to the kitchen. james looks at you with a soft pair of eyes.

"can you-" you start, tears clog your throat but you don't mean to cry over nothing. "can we cuddle, please?"

james stands up from his chair. "baby." he says, cooing. "of course we can. anything you want." he hugs you in the middle of the kitchen.

"i don't know what's wrong with me." you say. you hate how desperate you sound.

"nothing's wrong with you." james says. "it's okay to have a bad day."

"i don't want to feel like this, jamie." you tell him. "i feel annoyed for no reason and my head keeps pounding, and- i hate it."

"angel." he cups your cheeks to dry your tears. "look at me."

he patiently rubs two gentle thumbs on your tears.

"let me make you something to eat. you can have a painkiller after that, okay? and maybe a cup of coffee. and then we can cuddle all day in bed. you just gotta eat something first."

he makes you a toast after you agree. it's quick and delicious, you eat as much as you can with a glass of cold water. james kisses your head as he takes your plate. you decide you don't need a painkiller. you feel better after eating anyway, and even though you don't really like it, crying helped.

james takes you to bed. he opens the window for some fresh air before joining you.

"better?" he asks. you nod, settling down on bed next to him. he holds you closer, you put your head on his chest to listen his heartbeat.

james doesn't talk until you say something. it's not that he doesn't want to or that he doesn't have anything to talk about, he just feels a tenderness in the air. you don't close your eyes, not sleeping at all, just breathing softly against his chest.

he feels so affectionate towards you, it's like his heart will explode. it makes him more protective, more attentive, more anything to keep you safe and happy. he rubs a big hand on your back until your tight muscles feel a bit relaxed. you get closer to put your head on the crook of his neck.

"i'm okay." you say suddenly. "i'm sorry for worrying you."

"i'm not worried." james lies. you know. "i know you'll be okay."

he knows but it's not the same as seeing you okay, seeing you happy and content in his arms. you are in your head more when it's summer, the weight of not having as many routines as winter is a bit heavy on you some days. james rubs your arm, you wrap it around his waist. your hair smells amazing, he buries his nose against the scent and breathes deeply.

you think it's still nice, having time to spend on bed with james with the summer breeze on your legs. he falls asleep shortly after your generous neck kisses, he must be tired from the early training. you draw shapes on his skin, admire his pretty face. your love for james runs deeper than any kind of anger you could have, he has your heart in his hands and he takes good care of it.

you don't fall asleep, only watch his chest as he breathes, his curled lips and blushed cheeks from the warmth of the nap he's taking. you smile genuinely for the first time that day. a coffee doesn't sound so bad now. james likes waking up to the fresh coffee scent anyway.

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x fem!reader #james x you #james x reader #james x fem!reader #james potter fic #james potter fanfic #james potter imagine #james potter fanfiction #marauders #marauders era #marauders fic #marauders fanfic #marauders fanfiction #marauders imagine

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ugh-yoongi · 10 months

Text

so sorry it took me a few days to get this together for you, but i hope you enjoy some of these!

most of these works contain mature themes/content. please heed tags and do not engage with any explicit work if you are a minor!

i'm sure there are a bunch i've forgotten, so please feel free to reblog and share your own work and your faves!

also, please note: there are a lot of fics on these lists that are posted to ao3. it has recently come out that a volunteer was removed from their position for being pro-palestine (you can find the twt thread here). i am in the process of looking for a better alternative, but until then, it is unfortunately probably the best way to share these stories. while i personally won't be posting to or reading on ao3 for the time being, how you choose to engage going forward is completely up to you! i just wanted to make sure i was being transparent.

hobi x reader

guarded & kanalia by @xjoonchildx — basically anything by ana lbr

just practice & we float by @anotherbtswriter

gone wild by @johobi

liar, liar by @eoieopda

party on you by @here2bbtstrash

do i wanna know? by @yoongiphoria

started with a spark, now we're on fire by @the-boy-meets-evil

renegade by @junghelioseok

midnight confessions by @snackhobi

cry to my room by @kithtaehyung

matters of the heart by @hobidreams

plant boy by @gukyi

sunlit affair by @ubemango

the art of war by @wwilloww

not today, satan by @gimmethatagustd

the wood by @sailoryooons

virtuoso by @hamsterclaw

even though by @moni-logues

anything by @dilfhoseokie

upbeat

for the first time (what's past is past)

same old mistakes

tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love)

as always, mxm fics (aka me being embarrassing sope trash) under the cut!

member x member

little miracles by @here2bbtstrash (jihope)

you're not mine, but you're the best (jihope) ⭐

i only always think (jihope)

you made me dream when i couldn't sleep (jihope)

walk the walk (jihope)

polaroid (jihope)

a midnight clear (jihope) ⭐

got an offer you might refuse (jihope feat. jin)

i don't want it at all (jihope feat. jin)

please be my finale (sope) ⭐

i've been calling your name (in this whole universe) (sope)

nothing without sunlight (sope)

same damn hunger (sope) ⭐

hot fuss (sope)

i'd love it if we made it (sope) ⭐

rub your feelings down my spine (sope)

kiss me hard before you go (sope) ⭐

how easy this should be (sope)

all my days (i'll know your face) (sope)

those ocean eyes (sope)

leave you drowning (until you reach for my hand) (sope)

reputation (sope)

snapshots from the breakdown (sope) ⭐

the best is yet to come (sope)

my hands down your pants (no homo) (sope)

first times and stuff & an experiment in threesomes (sope feat. jk)

at least i got you in my head (hopekook)

10/10, would do again (hopekook)

bone + tissue (hopekook)

telepathy (rapline)

delta (rapline)

i get those goosebumps every time (rapline)

i'm on fire (rapline)

when the moon rises (namseok)

how i'm imagining you (namseok)

in your atmosphere (namseok)

why don't you figure (my heart) out (namseok)

the universe needs more you (namseok)

bated breath (2seok)

smile like you mean it (2seok)

gingerbread (2seok)

cowboys love horses (2seok)

natural gnosis and the chaos therein (2seok) ⭐

telepathy for virgins (2seok)

⭐ = personal mxm favorite. please read any of these and return to scream over them with me.

#hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #hobi x reader #jhope fanfic #hoseok fanfic #jhope smut #hoseok smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #fic rec

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allaboutnayeli · 5 months

Text

it wasn't me [t.rodman x reader]

prompt: trinity refuses admit to stealing your clothes

author notes: the word for this mini fic is "steal" obviously. i swear this is the most trinity coded fic i have written for her. i'm knocking out a request for more trin fics and helping myself write more, killing two birds with one stone. hope y'all like it 💞

trinity has a problem. actually the right word would be an addiction. she can't stop herself from stealing your clothes. the mix of your perfume and body wash you use rubs off on your clothes, making her heart all happy so can you really blame her? it was a cute habit except for when you needed to actually wear your clothes and half of your closet was gone. still you never stop her, so trinity happily indulges in her you-based addiction.

the only downside of this is the fact trinity does not like admitting it. even if everyone obviously knows it. this isn't even due to a pride thing, the american player just doesn't like to admit it. in her mind technically your clothes are her clothes so is it really stealing?

"baby! have you seen my mickey mouse pajama pants? it's going to be a little chilly and i wanna wear them," you shout out as you look through the closet in your bedroom. trinity comes into the room when she responds, "nope. haven't seen it, babes." she leans against the door frame, watching you look through your closet.

unlike you, trinity was already dressed. it was around ten am and practice started at twelve pm, so you forced her to get up eight to get ready. she groaned the entire time and demanded kisses after she did every part of her routine. you happily obligated every time.

"ugh.." you let out a groan. just deciding to give up on your idea of being extra comfy in your pajama pants and instead grabbing some black sweatpants. at least it matches your white graphic tee and the grey jacket you planned to wear out. you turn, dropping the sweatpants on your bed before coming over to trinity. "are you sure you haven't seen them?" you mumble into her chest after hugging her. trinity straightens up to hug you back properly. swaying a bit as she rests her face against the top of her head.

"nope. i don't even remember you having a pair of mickey mouse pajama pants. maybe you just made that up"

"wow, am i being gaslight right now?" you joke making her laugh loudly. the hug goes on for a long moment before you pull away. "gotta slip on these pants so we can go. i want to stop by that brunch place you like to get breakfast," you move away from the door and go to stand next to your bed.

"what? the spirit cafeteria breakfast food isn't good enough for you anymore?" trinity leans back against the doorframe. a badly hidden smirk on her lips as she watches you near your bed.

"don't you know? when someone gets famous they have higher standards. it comes with the fame," you put on a fake sad tone when saying the last sentence. trinity snorts, rolling her eyes. "oh god, where has my humble girlfriend gone?" she says.

"she's dead," you shrug before glancing at the clock sitting on one of your nightstands, "alright. get out so i can change."

"i can't watch my own girlfriend?"

"sorry, no. that choice expired after the last time we didn't go anywhere," you give her a fake pout before making a shoing gesture. the american player lets out a long groan before moving away from your room. going off into the kitchen to eat up half of your snacks.

it doesn't take long for you to get fully ready. having to also do your hair and find your training kit which somehow ended up in the guest bedroom. trinity and you leave out of the house at 10:40. with you carrying both of y'all bags since trinity claimed her arms hurt. you throw the bags into the back seat before getting into the driver's seat. trinity was already in the passenger seat before you put the bags away. you get ready to drive off, but is stopped by trinity saying, "wait!"

"what?" you look over at her, a confused expression on your face. the american player just smiles, "i have to go grab something. i forgot."

you just shrug when she gets out of the car. five minutes after going into the house, trinity comes back out. the shock on your face can't even be described as you watch trinity walk out of the house in your mickey mouse pajama pants. the one that she specifically said she didn't even knew you had.

trinity gets into the car just like before. snapping in her seat belt before looking over at you, "alright. let's go! i'm still starvinggg."

you give her a blank stare. thinking that would be enough for her to realize the current irony going on, but nope, trinity just looks away from you. focusing on connecting her playlist to the aux. "you know ashley texted me yesterday and she's actually getting along well in north carolina. i never thought i would hear her say that, weird," trinity's face scrunches up in slight disgust before shrugging.

"baby.."

"what?"

"why do you have on my pajama pants? i was looking for those!" you say as you pull out of the driveway. the american player side eyes you before looking out of the window instead of directly at you.

"i don't know what you're talking about," after saying this trinity tries to change the subject, but you aren't letting up. you keep reminding her of the earlier conversation you two had, but trinity denies that it even happens.

you drop the topic at brunch. enjoying the moments of eating nicely made bacon and pancakes while trinity gossips her head off. you try to bring it back up when y'all get back in the car to drive to practice, but trinity still doesn't let up so you drop it.

practice goes by smoothly with trinity annoying you every five minutes. you two go back to your place afterwards and slow down for the rest of the day. it's around ten pm when you bring the topic back up; and it wasn't even your fault.

trinity is in the shower while you're scrolling on twitter. mostly seeing fan tweets and bad jokes when a post about trinity catches your eye. on the tweet is the photo the washington spirit posted on instagram of trin's pre-practice outfit. she's waving in the photo while walking, with you trailing closely behind her. the tweet says the way the pants don't even reach trin's ankles. we all know who pants those are 😭

you immediately send that to trinity's phone. ready to start up the conversation once again after your thoughts were affirmed by some stranger on twitter; thank you to that fan.

#trinity rodman x reader #trinity rodman #uswnt x reader #woso x reader #woso fanfics

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dancingtotuyo · 3 months

Text

15. holding my breath for you

Woman | Joel Miller X Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed. Spoilerish for TLOU 2

Chapter Warnings: fluff, angst, hurt /comfort, gore, violence, TLOU II SPOILERS, Major Character Death

Notes: I would say sorry... but I'm not sure I am. I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY THOUGH!

If you haven’t seen this beautiful commission of Joel and Reader yet, you should.

Words: 6125

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

Dawn is just forming when you roll over to find Joel’s side of the bed cold. A pout forms on your lips before you can open your eyes. He’s due to set out on patrol this morning and didn’t wake you up. He’s supposed to wake you up before he leaves. It’s the rule.

You check on the kids to make sure they’re still asleep before trekking down to the stables. You pull the worn robe tightly around you as the wind whips at your hair and fresh snowfall threatens above you. You should’ve changed out of your pajamas, pulled on your boots and coat, but you fully intend to climb back into bed after this. They should still be there. Their patrol isn’t scheduled to leave for another 10 minutes. You find Joel in the stall at the end, diligently inspecting the saddle.

“You didn’t wake me up.” You cross your arms.

His head snaps up, a small smirk forming on his lips as he takes in your disheveled look. “You looked too cute this morning.”

“It’s the rule, Miller. We have rules for a reason. You always wake me up.” You put on a pout, but Joel sees through the teasing mannerisms, the stress that always creases your brow before patrols, especially overnight and snowy ones.

“I’m sorry.” His hands grab your waist, pulling you against his sturdy frame as he kisses your forehead. “Will you forgive me?”

“Maybe.”

He kisses your cheek. You don’t give in. He kisses your other cheek, then your neck, behind your ear until you're laughing like you’re a teenager and not almost 50 years old. He chuckles. It’s the kind that could and has kept you warm through the most brutal of winters.

“Okay, Okay.” You throw your hands up in surrender. They settle on his shoulders. “I forgive you.”

“Good.” He presses a firm kiss to your lips. “They’re closer than we thought. We’ll probably be out there a few days, back in time for Willa’s dance recital. I promise.”

“You better.” You push down the anxiety that rises. This is your least favorite kind of patrol. “She’s been practicing nonstop.”

“I know.” Joel sees it in your eyes, hears it in your voice. His arms wrap around you, burying his head into your neck. “She’s gonna be the prettiest damn butterfly up there.”

You lean into his warmth. You don’t sleep well alone. The kids get grumpy without him around. His breath is hot in your ear. “I’ll be back before you know it, Sweetheart.”

You squeeze him tight and then his lips are on yours, soft and sweet.

Tommy clears his throat. “You ready to go? You don’t have time to take her back to bed, Joel.”

You flip him off. Joel gives you another sturdy kiss for good measure. Tommy rolls his eyes.

You walk with them to the front of the stables, Joel’s free hand in yours. “Be safe.”

“Always.” He squeezes your hand.

He’s about to mount his horse, but quickly changes paths. Handing Tommy his mare’s reins, he kisses you again until you’re both breathless. Tommy shakes his head, teasing grin on his lips from on top of his horse. Joel smiles at you like you hold his whole world because you do. “I love you.”

“Stay safe out there,” you say as Joel takes the reins back, mounting the horse. “I love you.”

“Always, Darlin.” He winks at you.

You look at Tommy. “Don’t let him do anything stupid.”

Tommy chuckles. “As if I could start now.”

Joel rolls his eyes. “We’re losing daylight, little brother.”

You step back. Joel winks at you. “Love you,” and then they’re off.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. The words echo in Joel’s mind. There are too many of them. How did they all get here? Jackson is supposed to be too far out for this many infected. His mind races, desperately scanning for an out, while also trying to keep himself and Tommy alive.

Then the girl shows up, like a light in the darkness offering up a plan of escape. He takes it. Who wouldn’t? He wants to see his family again. He doesn’t ask or wonder what the girl is doing here with a group of friends. There’s no time for caution. It’s a way to get out- a way back. The only thing on his mind is getting back to you in one piece.

Once they’re safely behind the gate, inside the house- he knows this place. It’s yours- well your grandparents. It starts to sink in. He counts at least 8. He sees the looks between them when he introduces himself. Something's not right.

“Say, what brings y’all out here?”

The room is quiet. They’re staring at him like he should know them, but they’re too young to have known him before. He exchanges a look with Tommy. Then there’s a shotgun in his face. Before he can comprehend that this is the end, it goes off at his knee. Joel yells out in pain. He can see his femur. His arms are pinned. A tourniquet is placed around his thigh to keep him from bleeding out. Two of the other guys hold Tommy back.

The girl, Abby, holds a golf club. Of all the ways Joel imagined dying, this was not it. He can hardly hear her through the pain and the thoughts swirling in his mind. There’s no getting out of this. There’s no help on the way. This is the end. It hits him like a blow to the chest. There’s no seeing Willa’s dance retail on Wednesday. No more playing catch with Carter. No chance for Ellie to forgive him. No more holding you.

The words hurt as they come out. It feels like giving up because it is. “Just get it over with.”

His words seem to anger Abby. He doesn’t know who she is, doesn’t know who her friends are, but he knows he’s about to die. He knows the look in their eyes. He’s all too acquainted with revenge.

Then another thought pops into his head as his eyes move from Abby’s. It’s the dark stain in front of the fireplace. It could pass off as dirt and grime now. You spent years trying to get it out, but he knows it’s blood. Carter’s blood. He can’t let this happen here. He can’t give you another reason to hate this place. Another bad memory to tarnish the good ones.

“This won’t be fast.” The golf club collides with his ribs.

He coughs, sputtering as his lungs struggle to recover from the blow. Abby paces in front of him stalking like a predator does to its prey. Taunting him.

“Please,” he wheezes. “Not here. Somewhere…” he inhales deeply. “Somewhere else.”

Abby seems taken aback by the request.

“Anywhere but here.” It hurts to draw breath, but it’s getting easier. “Outside-“

“So you can freeze before I’m done? I don’t think so.”

Abby’s foot collides with his face. There’s the unmistakable crunch of a broken nose. Blood flows from it.

“Please. Not here.” He meets her eyes. The golf club strikes his lungs again.

Joel sees it. She won’t give in. He’s going to die here. His blood will mingle with your brother’s. He’s failed you.

He lets his brain take him away from what’s happening, but each blow brings him back to reality. He’s thinking about you, the last thing he said. Did he tell you he loved you? The next hit knocks the air out of him. He left the house without waking you up. He almost left without seeing you this morning. He’s pretty sure the next one hits a kidney. He thanks whatever god is there you woke up. That he got to see you one last time, feel your lips against his.

One of his ribs cracks.

He waited too goddamn long to tell you he loves you. He didn’t say it nearly enough in the short time he had.

Two more ribs shatter.

Maria comes over to the clinic after watching the blizzard roll over the mountains. It’s hitting Jackson now, but you're worried about the people sent out there today, the ones who sit at your family table in particular. Ellie, Dina, and Jesse left a few hours after Joel and Tommy

You’re organizing shelves to keep yourself busy, sure at least one person will wander in with frostbite shortly. It’s a good distraction from the other worries at hand.

“Willa ready for her dance recital?”

“I can barely get her out of the wings to go to bed.” A smile flutters over your lips.

Maria laughs. “I was talking to Rachel last night. She’s running around like crazy trying to make sure they have everything ready.”

“I bet… I’m glad they’re doing this though. It’s been an especially cold winter.”

You’d lost more patrols to the cold than to Infected this year. That hadn’t happened before.

“They’ll be okay,” Maria says. “Always are.”

The radio crackles to life before you can respond. Your stomach drops. Only two outposts have radios. You only use them in emergencies, preferring to stay off the radios whenever possible.

“Outpost 2 to base.” Dina’s voice filters through the static affected by the ensuing storm.

Your stomach drops. Maria picks up the receiver. “Base to Outpost 2- Dina is that you?”

“Maria?”

“Dina, is everyone okay?”

Your heart feels like it might beat out of your chest. It’s a stupid question. You don’t use the radios when everything is okay. Outpost 2 is a 4-hour ride from here. In the blizzard, it’s probably longer. You start putting your kit together.

“I don’t know- Jesse said Joel and Tommy missed their check-in.” The supplies in your hands clatter to the floor. You make eye contact with Maria. “We split up to look for them. I’m going to head toward the Baldwin Mansion to find Ellie. No trace of them this way.”

You freeze, heart stopping. Not there. Anywhere but there. You lock eyes with Maria. “You shouldn’t-” But her words set your resolve.

“I’m going.”

“It’s not safe-”

“It’s Joel and Tommy!”

You don’t want to. You swore you’d never go back there, but this is Joel. If you aren’t there to help him, you’ll never forgive yourself.

“Maria?” Dina comes through fuzzy as the blizzard interferes with the frequency.

You can probably make it there about the same time Dina will. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. You have to. You stuff a few more things into your backpack.

“We’ll meet you there.”

“Be careful, there’s definitely a colony coming in.”

“You too.”

Maria drops the receiver, looking at you. “I’ll go have them saddle up a couple of horses, check out a few firearms.”

You nod, focused on what to bring. You don’t have time to spare tears. Tears will freeze as soon as you’re outside and dehydrate you.

You meet Maria by the stables. She hands you a rifle and a pistol. It’s been a long time since you rode out like this. You both know the implications if you don’t come back, but you don’t hesitate when the gate opens.

Infected, burnt to a crisp, are pushed to the side and the gate is wide open when you arrive. It’s an eerie sight. Someone was here.

A horse whinnies in the distance. The snow has slowed down but still creates a cover. You pull the pistol from the holster at your thigh, adrenaline pumping. Two figures come into view.

“It’s us!” Dina calls out. Jesse rides beside her. You relax some, but your anxiety still rides high.

You find Joel and Tommy’s horses in the garage. It’s all wrong. They wouldn’t have left the gate open, not with all those infected out there even burnt up. You keep your guard up as you clear the house room by room. Jesse and Dina don’t ask how you seem to know this place like the back of your hand. You avoid the den, leaving it for last. You hope to hear their playful banter drifting from room to room, but the house is silent.

When you come to the den, you let the others take the lead. You’re struggling to keep your hands steady, and before you can enter the room, you hear their curses. You smell the blood before you see it. It’s splattered on everything around. Then you see him. Joel, your Joel, laying in his own blood. Your ears ring, pressure building between them. Your vision turns red. It’s so familiar and Carter’s limp body flashes before your eyes. A sob gets stuck in your throat. Maria’s arms are around you, keeping you upright before you realize your legs have given out. You stare at him. You wish you could stop looking at it, but you can’t as the sight sears itself into your memory.

For the first time, your prayer changes. Please, let him be dead. You shudder. Because if he’s not dead, he’s suffering, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Dina rouses Ellie on the other side of the room. Jesse helps Tommy into a sitting position. They seem okay, physically, but your brain barely comprehends it all. You look at him, battered and bruised. The bone of his right knee is exposed. It’s the work of a shotgun at close range. There’s a tourniquet around his thigh. Your stomach drops. This wasn’t some random hit. They wanted him alive as long as possible.

Your eyes drift around the room. A bloodied golf club lays in front of the fireplace. Joel’s fresh red blood drips over the fading remnants of your brother’s causing bile to burn in your throat.

“You have to do something.” Ellie looks at you. Tears streak her face. Anger and rage fit for a grown man rattle her small frame. “You’re the only one who can help him!”

You shake your head. The tears fall freely now. You try to get the words out, but it's like someone has shoved cotton down your throat. Your tongue flops uselessly in your mouth. “Ellie- I can’t-” Your words are scattered and disjointed. Maria cradles your head against her chest, “There’s-”

Joel groans. Your heart stops. The world goes silent. He does it again. This time, one of his fingers twitches.

“Oh my God…” Maria breaths.

Tommy curses under his breath. You feel it heavy in your chest. Fuck.

None of it’s from relief. It’s pure horror. Because you all know, he’s not coming back from this.

Ellie rushes forward. She touches Joel’s hand. You see the hope radiating as she locks eyes with you. “You can still save him.”

It’s a stab to your chest. “No, I can’t.”

You watch the light flicker from her eyes. “You have to! You fucking have to!” The tears flood her eyes. “C’mon, Joel. You have to get up! Fucking get up!”

She presses on his shoulder in an attempt to get him to his back. He groans out in pain. The knife in your chest twists.

She stops, choking on her tears. “Joel… please get up.” Her voice is weaker now. Her pants soak with dark red.

He grunts out something that sounds something like “Ellie.”

“You motherfucker.” She cries, but it’s an endearment. You catch the slight uptick of Joel's colorless lips. Ellie can’t stop crying. Trying to wipe the tears away, she leaves streaks of blood on her cheeks. Joel tries, but he can’t get anything else out.

You lean further into Maria’s grasp but she can’t squeeze you tight enough, only Joel could ever do that.

Something in Ellie snaps. The tears stop, and her breathing settles. It’s like watching a person go from human to robot, except she looks more like the girl you met 7 years ago, and less the angry young woman you’ve come to know. There’s a telepathy going on between them. You’ve seen it so many times before. Her hand rests on top of his. Her head nods like she knows what he’s trying to say.

“I forgive you.”

It knocks the air from your lungs. Tommy’s too. You know what it’s about. You know how big this moment is. The weight on your chest lightens a little bit.

Ellie looks up at you, and motions you toward them. “He wants you.”

She moves from Joel’s side, making space for you. You lay down next to him, not caring about the blood-soaked carpet around and the way it bleeds into your clothes. Gently, you run your fingers through his blood-matted hair. “Hey, Baby.” You’re careful not to cause more pain with your touch.

His eyes meet yours. You see the sparkle of tears in them. He attempts to talk again in a long slow slur. You can barely make it out. “I’m sorry”

The knife is pulled from your chest cavity, the pain so physical you shudder. His index finger moves over your left knuckle and your chest shakes again. You force a smile. You just want him to be at peace, “It’s okay, Joel.”

His head shakes briefly, barely noticeable, but you’re tuned in to his every movement, his every breath, his every heavy heartbeat. “It’s okay.” You kiss his hand, then his forehead. It’s sweaty and the tang of blood hits your senses. “We’ll be okay. You can let go.” You whisper it in his ear. A tear rolls down his cheek. You want him to let go so fucking badly. You don’t want to do what’s required. What you wouldn’t do for Carter.

His lips move but nothing comes out. It seems to frustrate him. Tears roll down your cheeks. He’s trapped in a body that doesn’t work but refuses to let him go. “Shhhh, I know, Joel. I know.” It’s the same voice you used to soothe your infants. “I love you.”

His hand squeezes yours gently. You give him a nod. He lets his eyes flutter closed. You lay there for longer than you should. It’s selfish, but you don’t think you’ll be able to do it if you don’t take your time. Finally, you sit up. Tommy comes over to say his goodbyes. You’re not paying attention, too focused on what you have to do.

His hunting knife is still strapped to his ankle like it always is. You look it over even though you’ve seen it a million times. It’s big enough. It’ll work. You just pray you can go through with it. Maria joins Tommy at Joel’s side.

“Jesse?” you say. “Will you get a blanket to cover him. There should be a big comforter in the hallway closet.”

You catch the confusion in his eyes. How would you know that? But he nods, following your instructions without questions. You lay the knife on the floor and catch Ellie staring at it. You see it in her eyes. She knows what’s about to happen. You hope she doesn’t blame you.

You can’t meet her eyes as you whisper it out. “It’s what-”

“I know.” She says quickly, her voice still wavering. “I know.”

“Tommy, help me get him on his back. I don’t-“ you choke up. You let the tears flow freely, but you will your medical training to take over. Except, this isn’t fucking medical care. It’s not even fucking palliative care. It’s cruel mercy. You aren’t trained in that. “I don’t think I can do it properly with him on his stomach.”

You, Tommy, and Maria work together to get him on his back as gently as possible. He cries out with each movement. It’s torturous. Each noise comes from a deeper part of his body. You swallow back bile each time. You have to get this right the first time. If you don’t, you’re not sure you can do it a second.

Jesse drops the comforter beside you. It’s the one with little pink rose buds, the one you always used to sleep under the stars, big enough to curl around you like a cocoon even as a grown adult, the one you and Joel picnicked on when you visited last. Your fingers run over it with the memories- so many nights spent under the stars dreaming of the future. It provides you with little comfort now. It's purely practical, thick enough to absorb whatever blood Joel has left in him. More memories washed in blood.

Ellie is huddled in the corner, back turned to it all. Dina is at her side. Maria never takes her eyes off you. Finally, he’s on his back. You unbutton his flannel, use the knife to cut open his under shirt. Deep, dark bruises mare his skin. You can see where they targeted the most. Places to inflict maximum pain and prolong suffering. You focus at the place between his left ribs. His breathing is labored. You hear it with each breath, see it in the rise and fall of his chest. The spot on his chest taunts you, dares you to do it.

You turn to Maria. “As soon as it’s out… cover him with the blanket.” You don’t want to see the wound.

You look at his face. You think he’s unconscious now. You pray he doesn’t feel it, hope his brain has taken him away from reality. Pressing your forehead to his, you tell him you love him again. There’s no response and no indication he hears you.

You steady your breathing. “Ellie?” You look to her for permission.

She barely meets your eyes but nods.

You look back to Joel. You mentally clear the blood from his features. He looks peaceful now. You memorize his face as you know it, not how it appears. You look down at his ribs again. You touch the space and count with shaking hands.

You glance at the 17 year old stain reminding you of the way you failed Carter. You won’t fail Joel. You can almost feel your brother’s ghost at your side, assuring you this is the only option, assuring you there’s truly no chance to save the man you love, and it comforts you. This place homes your best memories and your worst nightmares. You wonder if Joel’s ghost will stay here, pacing the halls with Carter’s or follow you home.

Then you recount the ribs, making sure you get it right through the blur of your vision. You feel his heart beating under your hand, the very heart you’re about to stop. You can do this…

There’s a hand on your shoulder, another on your wrist. Tommy crouches behind you. He takes the knife without a word. His eyes say it all. He’ll do it. You don’t have to bear the weight of it. You should tell him that he doesn’t have to bear it either, but you don’t because the truth is you’re just relieved you don’t have to.

You lay a finger on Joel’s chest. Tommy’s replaces it. “Make sure-”

“I know.” Tommy’s eyes meet yours. You’ve never really contemplated how much they look like Joel’s until now. It’s reassuring. There’s a piece of Joel in him. “Just be with him.”

You nod silently, Joel’s words echoing in your mind. “If it’s something else that gets me… where I’m not putting you in danger… I want the last thing I hear to be your voice. Not a gunshot. That’s all.”

You scoot up so you’re only able to see his face. His hand feels cold under yours. You push his hair back again. Ellie joins you on the floor. You can tell she’s barely holding it together.

You feel Tommy prepare himself behind you. You know when he goes for it, sliding Joel’s hunting knife in with the precision of an expert. You hear it slice through skin and muscle. It’s piercing, playing on repeat in your head. Joel grunts with it, moans once it’s withdrawn.

Tommy drops the knife like it's on fire. Maria settles the blanket over Joel’s body.

Your eyes never move from his face. He gasps, air wheezing from him like a punctured balloon. It’s awful. It makes your stomach curl and twist and your chest rattle. You want to curl up and die with him at the mere sound of it. It feels like it will never stop, but you talk him through it. You hold Ellie close to you in one arm and cup his face in the other as you repeat the words from earlier.

It’s okay.

You can let go.

We’ll be okay.

I love you.

You make sure your voice is the last thing he hears… and then finally, mercifully, he stops breathing. As much as your heart throbs, you feel like you can finally breathe again because he’s no longer trapped in a body that won’t work, no longer in pain. He’s free.

You lean down to kiss his cheek. You whisper in his ear. “Say hello to Sarah for me.”

You give it time. Watching his face, finger tips tracing his features. Denial brushes through your mind, expecting him to open his eyes, to smile, to laugh. It doesn’t happen. It won’t happen ever again.

When you stand, it hits you like a freight train. Your breath hitches. You remember this from last time.This can’t happen, not here. You bolt from the room, putting as many walls between you and the others as possible. You don’t care how cold the furthest bedroom- your bedroom- might be, your skin feels like it’s boiling, melting from your bones.

You’re barely across the threshold when the sob leaves your body. It sounds otherworldly, but you’ve heard it before, too many times. You’re all too familiar with it all. When will it end? When everyone you love is dead? Taken from you in different horrific ways each time?

Maria’s arms wrap around you and the two of you sink to the ground. You don’t quiet your mourning for her as it rattles the walls. It’s still not far enough. Your muted cries haunt the rest of the group until your voice gives out.

You stay the night at the mansion. It’s too dark to try and make it back to Jackson. Tommy and Jesse move Joel’s body to the garage where it’s colder. Maria builds a fire in the room that’s not soaked in his blood.

You ignore the curious looks when you navigate the house with familiarity and manage to rummage up new clothes to replace blood-soaked ones. Ellie wears your Fleetwood Mac t-shirt from high school. You used to wear it all the time until you lost it, stuffed into the bin of clothes you never opened following outbreak day. It would be too small for you now, but it layers over the clean long sleeve shirt she found. It’s one of Grandpa’s old flannels for you. You’re thankful you never dug into this bin when you lived here.

Before you leave, you stop under the old oak tree where the small bounder marks Carter’s shallow grave. You promise him you mean it this time when you say you’re never coming back. You’re tempted to burn the place to the ground, but it’s too good of a resting spot for patrol when they get stuck, protected by the gate.

When you get home, you care for Joel’s body. There’s no embalming process. Usually you bury your dead the day after, but the ground is frozen solid. You’ll likely have to wait a few weeks to bury him. He stays in the small enclosed room off the back of the clinic where it’s cold enough to keep him.

It’s after dinner time Monday night when you finally drag yourself up the front steps. You’ve been avoiding it. You don’t want to go home without him.

Carter and Willa play Jenga with Morgan. You’re not sure you can tell them, so you watch your children through the front window. You memorize their smiles and the light in their eyes before this cruel world marks them with its claws. Willa knocks the tower over. She seems to enjoy it. His sweet little Wildflower. 2 months shy of her 4th birthday, will she remember him? Or will he be like a dream? Another ghost that haunts the footnotes of her life? Tears stream down your neck.

“They don’t know yet?”

You spin around to find Ellie. She has dark bags under her eyes, shoulders slumping. “No, I just got home. I’ve been at the clinic all day.”

Ellie nods, peering into the window beside you. The two of you watch as they rebuild the tower and the game starts all over again. “I forget how much she looks like him.”

You manage a smile. “I’m not convinced she has a drop of my DNA in her.”

“Not with that fucker’s genes.”

A laugh interrupts your tears. It sounds so normal coming from Ellie. She wears a dutiful interpretation of her signature smirk. You could hug her, but you don’t. She’s not the most touchy feel y person and you imagine she’s had her full share the past 24 hours. Has he really been gone that long now? Yes. Somehow, it feels like it’s been years, yet you still expect him to walk toward you at any minute.

You go inside without another word. Ellie follows, and you’re thankful for it. It feels right to have her there.

“Mommy!” Willa gasps as soon as you open the door. She runs for you, still dressed in her butterfly costume.

You pull her into your arms, squeezing her tightly. “Hey sweet girl.” You kiss her cheek. You hadn’t realized how badly your arms ached to hold your babies.

“Where’s Dad?” Carter asks.

The question stops your heart. You can hear it in his voice. He knows. He’s barely 10, but he’s seen this in other people so many times before, and he’s put the pieces together. Death isn’t a foreign concept to him. He probably knew the moment he saw Tommy come home with Joel nowhere in sight. Carter keeps space between you. “Where is he?”

Willa squirms in your arms like she's looking for Joel now too. You let her slide to the ground.

“Carter…” You move closer.

He steps backwards. You see the tears sparkle in his eyes bringing out your own. Both your children favor their biological fathers more than yourself. It slices deeper tonight. You manage to steady your voice.

“Dad had a really bad accident while he was on patrol-“

“You’re lying! He has to come back! He always comes back!”

Maybe one day you’ll tell him all of it. Someone did this on purpose, but you don’t know who or why. He’s too young. You won’t have him overrun with the idea of revenge. Tommy is already plotting after the group that did this.

You shake your head, tears falling again. You don’t know if they’ll ever stop. You go to your son, desperate to hold him, but he dashes upstairs, bedroom door slamming behind him. Do you go after him?

Willa’s arms wrap around your leg. You fall to the stairs, placing her in your lap. Your body is exhausted. Ellie sits down next to you. “Where did daddy go?”

You’ve been wracking your brain all day on how this will all make sense in her young mind. “You know how Daddy talks about Sarah?”

She nods. You push back her soft brown curls. The texture has started to change in the past six months. It feels less silky and fine, and more like his. “He said she died, but she watches over us now.”

“Yeah… that’s right-“ you bite your lip. “Daddy went to be with Sarah.”

“When is he coming back?”

Ellie cringes in your periphery. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. “Willa… Daddy died. He can’t come back.”

“Not even for my recital?”

“No.”

You’re still not sure she gets it, but you see the tears well up in her eyes. Joel promised her he would be there. He always kept his promises. You want her to know that her Daddy didn’t abandon her, but it’s difficult to get that across. To her, Sarah is an abstract. Joel is concrete. The thought sends a pang through your chest.

“You know how your heart beats?” You put her hand over your heart. She nods. “That means you’re alive, and me, and Ellie, and Carter. We all have beating hearts.”

“I listen to Daddy’s when he rocks me.”

You smile. The vision of Willa and Joel passed out in the rocking chair is one of your favorites. “Daddy’s heart got really hurt.” The slice of the knife echoes in the caverns of your mind. “It stopped beating.”

His wheezing plays in your ears.

“He stopped being alive?”

Joel’s final strangled breath carves into your brain.

You nod carefully. “Yes, once that happens, it can’t be fixed.”

She sits with it for a minute. You see the wheels in her head turning.

“He didn’t have a choice.” You wrap one of her curls around your finger. “He would choose to be alive with us if he could.”

“I miss him.”

She lays her head on your shoulder. You kiss her head.

“Me too, Wildflower.”

On Wednesday night, the seat beside you remains empty, like everyone is purposefully keeping it that way. You’re not sure if you like it. Is it a sign of respect toward Joel? Or are they afraid to be near you? Death comes in threes. It must be contagious.

Carter sits between Ellie and Dina. They were sitting next to each other when you arrived. Carter still doesn’t want to talk to you, but he will talk to Ellie.

The lights dim for the recital. It’s more of a silent movie of sorts. Rachel plays the piano. The music changes throughout the scenes. You spent all last night trying to get a grass stain out of Willa’s butterfly costume. You’re not sure if it was the soap or the tears that removed the last of it.

You reach over on instinct, expecting your fingers to meet a denim clad thigh, but your hand falls to the wooden chair instead. Your eyes drift out the window. You can see the clinic at the end of the street. You know exactly where he lays, even from the outside. Everything around you blurs. You feel pieces of yourself slowly drift into the atmosphere bit by bit.

Maria drops into the chair next to you. She grabs your hand squeezing it between both of hers. “Hey, I’ve got you” The pieces come back, snapping together like a jigsaw puzzle. “Look,” She points. “Willa’s almost up. You don’t want to miss it.”

You’re back, but Maria doesn’t let go. She anchors you. She knows exactly what to say to do it. She’s an expert in it by now. You don’t see the worry in her eyes, the guilt etched in the lines of her forehead. She doesn’t say it, never expresses the guilt she carries over what happened. If only she had asked someone else to take the shift. It’s the second time she’s failed you.

Willa flits and flutters across the stage. In the context of the play, you’re pretty sure she’s actually supposed to be a fairy, but you know that Willa was only interested in being a butterfly. The costume is the same either way.

She breaks character for a moment, loudly telling one of the other kids they are not where they are supposed to be, and then continues on as if nothing happened. There’s the rumble of laughter and Willa wears a smug smile.

You feel a hand on your shoulder, but when you turn to look, no one is there. You can still feel the pressure on your shoulder. Then you hear it just behind your ear, That’s our Wildflower right there. It brings tears to your eyes again.

With one last exuberant twirl the magical fairy, or in this case butterfly, heals the land.

You squeeze Maria’s hand as people stand to applaud. You manage to get to your feet in time to watch your daughter take a bow and then another and another. She’s soaking in the attention. It tugs a smile to your face.

When Willa bounces off the stage, you pull her in tight. “You were so good. I’m so proud of you, Wildflower.”

She smiles brightly. It's a relief in one of the worst times of your life. She gets close to your ear, like she’s telling you a secret. “I think Daddy saw it. I think him and Sarah watched it together.”

You smile back at her. You know they did. “Me too.”

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