#Jason goes back to the manor and I can’t imagine the love lasts anymore

[cologona]

Fics where Tim or Dick wear Jason down until he comes back to the manor (and inevitably there is a tearful reconciliation with Bruce) just strike me as flying monkey love-bombing now. I can’t unsee it.

[friendlyneighborhoodcapricorn]

since you asked for family ones how about things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear for Bruce & Jason or things you said at 1 am for Dick and Tim

Thanks for the ask <3

I’ll do both bc I feel like it lol

Things you said at 1 AM

It’s a quiet night. Or rather, it is now. The last of the gala’s guests had left about ten minutes ago, and now everything was quiet.

As quiet as Gotham ever got.

Which, on the roof overlooking the Manor’s garden, is pretty quiet. It’s late June, and still warm out, despite the late hour. There’s a breeze ruffling Dick’s hair, blowing softly against his suit jacket.

He figured he would find Tim up here, and now it turns out he’s right. Tim’s sitting on the edge, gangly legs dangling over it.

“Everything okay?” he asks as a greeting.

Tim doesn’t startle; Dick made sure his footsteps were audible on the tiling. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Tim shakes his head, and Dick goes to sit beside him. There’s a rose bush beneath them. Alfred will kill them both if either of them ends up falling into it somehow.

“I want to tell you something,” Tim says after a while, resting his head on Dick’s shoulder. “I’m really glad we’re brothers.”

Dick tilts his head to lean against Tim’s. “Me too, kiddo.”

Tim makes a pleased sound and leans more of his weight against Dick.

“How much champagne did you have?” he asks after a while of sitting in silence and counting satellites and stars.

Tim doesn’t respond, save for his soft snores.

Things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear

Jason’s head is pounding. He can’t remember if he got hit in the head, or if it’s the hangover of the century until he remembers that he doesn’t drink.

Hit in the head it is. Awesome.

Someone is combing through his hair. Occasionally, cool fingers brush his temples or forehead, sometimes even his neck, and it’s nice.

It makes the headache fade enough that Jason almost drifts off again.

That’s when Bruce begins to speak, although he doesn’t realise it’s Bruce at first.

“I don’t know how to tell you this when you’re awake,” he says, and Jason feels his throat close up at Bruce’s odd tone. “So I’ll tell you now. You’d call it the coward’s way out. And you’re right. I should tell you this when you’re awake, but…”

He trails off, and then he’s quiet for so long that Jason nearly falls asleep again. In fact, he isn’t sure if he hasn’t, because Bruce’s voice speaking up again startles him, like he’s having one of those falling dreams.

“You’re a good person, Jay. And I should tell you that more often, but I feel as if you’d only try to prove me wrong if I did.” He sighs, and then hand moves out of Jason’s hair for a few seconds before returning. “Not that it’s an excuse. I lost you, and by some miracle, I got you back. I should be telling you how loved you are every single day. And instead we only fight.”

There’s another pause, and Jason is trying not to give away that he’s awake. It’s easier than it should be, because he can feel himself slipping again.

“And I know exactly what went wrong between this, and I regret it.” He sighs again, and Jason has to fight to stay awake now. “I don’t want us to be fighting forever, sweetheart. I love you, and I missed you. More than you will ever know.”

Jason barely heard the last part anymore, but he’s sure he doesn’t imagine the lips brushing against his temple.

[obsessivelycapricious]

18+ Jason Todd x fem!reader fic ramble.

Hey, so this is a idea i've had in my head for a while, but it won't leave me alone. I've kinda written the first part of it already? But idk if I'll finish it. I haven't worked out the ending yet either but a couple of lovely people were interested in hearing it so here goes! Thanks for the support! I'll tag you all separately.

Warnings: excessive torture, manipulation, gaslighting, rape, violence. kidnapping, interrogation, Stockholm syndrome, abuse. I dont specifically mention how old the characters are, but B-Man likes to pick them young so use your imagination to age them up a bit if you like. It's dark folks, and a super slow burn, though it might not be so bad written in brief here, but if those bother you it might not be a good idea to read it. (its hidden under the cut - PS it got super long - 2.5k words.)

You are Robin. Or, you were at least.

Batman picked you up out of crime alley, gave you a home and a purpose and trained you up to be one of the best deterrents to the crime in Gotham. You lived in the manor, and thought of Bruce and Alfred (even Dick) as your family. It's awesome and you love it!

Almost two years after donning the cape, something goes wrong. You get split up from Batman and taken by Jokers men. That night is the last night you see the sky for years.

Over the next three years, you are systematically abused, manipulated, gaslighted and tortured until you are a shell of your former self. Conditioned to obey his every whim, you micro dose of the small crumbs of affection Joker has to offer you. He gives you test after test, pushing you to your limit always in new and horrific ways. You don't hesitate when he asks you to shoot someone in the head or to beat someone to death. The consequences of fighting against him aren't worth it, you have learned that the hard way. He even doesn't always lock the door behind him and yet you don't try to escape.

You hate batman with a passion now, you regret ever having met the man, he has ruined your life and it's his fault that you are where you are now. He abandoned you. Used you for his games and then replaced you like you were nothing to him. It broke your heart when Joker showed you the footage of another Robin running along the rooftops. Your replacement. Heartbreak boiled over to fury and rage.

He passes you around his acquaintances, particularly Johnathan Crane who is eager to test his new strain of fear gas out. Under the gas you see the Bat sacrificing you again and again to get what he wants. If Scarecrow takes advantage of you while he has you in a vulnerable state, no one cares enough to stop him. He wants to know who the Bat is, but you know that telling him will put Alfred in danger and you'll do anything to avoid that

(Thankfully the joker doesn't want to know who the bat is, you're not sure you could defy him like that anymore.)

Then one day, a body gets thrown into the small cell you are kept in when joker doesn't want to play. Its a Robin. You panic, fear and anger confusing you while joker laughs in your face. You know it's another test but you can't figure out what the rules are.

This is where the fic starts. It's about Jason Todd's slow descent from a vibrant punk who loves being Robin to the dejected, abused shell of a boy who hates the caped crusader and will do anything Joker tells him. You know it'll happen, because that's what happened to you.

Only, Joker never does the same thing twice. Even if it works. You don't want to get attached to the boy, but birds of a feather and all that jazz.

Highlights (or lowlights) include:

Having to share a small confined cell with Jason.

Arguing about the Joker and escaping

"Don't you want to leave? Crazy bitch."

Finding out that Batman didn't even tell Jason about you:

“Why would he come for you anyway, huh? What makes you so special?” “I’m Robin. We’re partners. We’ve been through all kinds of shit together. We’re like this.” “Pah. You really believe it too, don’t you? Ya poor sap.” “What do you mean?” “Why go to the bother of finding a dumb punk like you when he can just make a new shiny Robin instead?” “He wouldn’t do that.” “He’s already done it. You ain’t the first.” “That Robin moved away, he’s doing his own thing now.” “I wasn’t talking about him. I meant the other one.” “What other one?” “The other one.” “There aren’t any other ones – I’m the only other Robin that there’s ever been.” “You motherfucker!”

Beating the shit out of Jason in a blind rage because he won't stop talking about how Batman will come for him.

“How long have you known Batsy for huh? If you know him so well.” “Nearly three years. How long have you known him huh? Oh that’s right – you don’t” “What? Three – Three years?” “That’s what I said. Look, I know this is scary, but I trust B-Man. He’ll come for me, we’ll kick all these guy’s asses, take Joker back to Arkham and get you out of here too. It’ll be okay, you’ll see.” “B-Man?” “Yeah, Batman.” “Shut up.” “What? Why?” “I don’t want to talk about him anymore so shut up!”

Jason finally figuring out who you are when Joker comes to punish you for denting his new toy.

Joker calling you pet names while manipulates you and you being terrified the Joker is going to replace you too

“Oh. Pumpkin, it’s alright. I thought we agreed we were over this, no? Batsy kicked you to the curb a long time ago. It’s old news! This shiny new toy of ours is your replacement.”. “What? You’re replacing me too?” “No, no no. I’d never dream of doing something so barbaric, Sweetheart. That’s the Bats’ M.O. You’re mine for keeps. I would never be that cruel, would I?”

Jason taking his anger out on you:

“Why do you hate B and not the Joker? He’s the one that’s doing this to you. He shipped you off to Crane and you didn’t even fight back.” “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” “No, I know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re screwed in the head. You’re a joke, you’ve given up. Some Robin you are. A real Robin fights back. You don’t deserve the title.”

Joker making you put your Robin suit back on to fight Jason for his amusement. Jason hesitates in the beginning but kicks your ass every time.

Jason trying to comfort you but being bad at it.

Joker asking your opinion on you what you think will break the boy:

"When he gets replaced. Show him."

Weeks of being beaten then long stretches of being left alone with Jason with no instructions.

Catching Jason staring at you when he thinks you're not paying attention.

Joker being caught and taken to Arkham so you both get knocked out and transported there too.

Joker ignores you the entire time he's there as he's being watched to closely, the separation sets you off into a panic when you think about it too much.

Most of Arkham is in on you being kept there. The prisoners who know about it are paid off by being able to play with you - and now Jason too.

Jason thinking in Arkham he would have more chance of being able to escape.

You being subjected to more of Crane's abuse and different types of gas.

Jason being brought back to your cell after being tortured by calendar man and offering him comfort for the first time.

Being cut open and tortured by Zsaz.

Huddling up in the abandoned wing of Arkham for warmth and comfort.

Remembering that you had met before, years ago in the Narrows before Batman took you to be his adopted daughter.

Jason taking care of you while you recover.

Giving Jason advice on how to cope and get through the different villains taking revenge on you.

Jason being hurt and tired and snapping at you, causing an argument where you lash out at him:

"I had to go through this all on my own, dickweed. I didn't have anyone to hold my hand and tell me I wasn't going to die. So fuck you! God forbid I try and help your sorry ass."

Jason being tortured by two-face and seeing Batman and a new Robin visiting Arkham. They don't hear him scream for them to help. It breaks his heart and his will to fight.

You knew it would happen, but seeing it first hand makes your heart break for him. You didn't want to be right. You hate Batman more for what he's done to Jason than what he's done to you.

"I was right there (y/n)! Right there and he didn't even look at me."

Talking about Alfred and how much he means to you both.

Thinking you might actually have feelings for Jason after all.

Being transported back to the compound when Joker finally breaks out of Arkham again only to be in separate cells.

Having major separation anxiety from not being able to tell if Jason is okay.

Joker being jealous of your attachment to Jason and doubling down on his control over you.

He tries to take you outside and you panic so badly you beg him to take you back because you're terrified of what being free will mean.

Joker telling you that you failed his test by getting attached to the boy. He tells you that he's going to kill Jason to teach you a lesson.

Being put back in a cell with Jason to find his face has been branded and he's just so utterly void of any hope or any life.

Sitting next to Jason in the cell with your head on his shoulder.

Jason knowing he's going to die without you having to tell him. His voice is quiet and resigned, almost with a shred of relief when he says:

"He's going to kill me soon, isn't he?" "I'm going to miss you, Jason Todd." "I'm glad I got to know you, (Y/N). I'm sorry I couldn't get us out." "It's okay."

You kissing his cheek as you drift off huddled together for the last time.

Joker forcing you to watch as he beats Jason repeatedly with a crowbar, ignoring your defiant cries and struggles for him to stop.

"Which hurts more Little Red? Hmm? Forehand? Or Backhand? I think (Y/N) would like to know!"

Joker blaming you for having to kill Jason:

"And all because of your silly school girl crush. What a waste. I'm very disappointed in you, Dolly."

Being dragged away screaming from his lifeless body and thrown into the back of a van just in time before the building explodes.

That's the first half. For the second half to the ending, I haven't quite figured out yet. I've got a few ideas, but I can't decide what would fit better, feel free to help me out here.

Batman could find her after all this time, new evidence being uncovered during the explosion and in his grief about finding Jason's body he could question that he never actually found yours. Of course then you'd be homicidal and try to kill him, resulting in you being locked in another cell, this time in the Batcave. You'd get to scream at him about all his failings and what a terrible person he is though so that could be cathartic. Alfred (And Dick a little) manages to talk you back to some kind of sanity but you are forever changed by this. You meet Red Hood at a later date: on your way to find an egg and cheese sandwich when someone pulls a gun on you. Seeing you again jars him out of his own homicidal rage long enough to care about the girl who he couldn't save, giving the BatFam an opening to reason with him some.

-Or-

Joker keeps you hidden away and the Bat still has no idea you even exist. It stays that way for two more years where you eventually become completely numb to everything he or his acquaintances do to you. Joker eventually gets bored at the lack of reaction and in his boredom he gets careless. A new vigilante takes it upon himself to blow up to compound and best all Joker's men, he escapes but the vigilante doesn't chase after him and instead he finds you. You resist his attempts to save you, knowing how angry Joker will be so instead, Red Hood punches you in the face, knocking you out. He carries out into the night and you wake up somewhere new and he tries to help unravel the fuck ton of issues you've got while dealing with his own. He'll probably enlist the BatFam to help once he's done wanting to kill them, unless you can talk him into killing the Bat together, after the Joker dies of course.

-Or-

One day, maybe a year after Jason dies, Joker decides he's bored of you and gives you one last curveball. After more than 6 years of being isolated and abused, you wake up in an alley on the streets of Gotham, alone. Abandoned again. After several panic attacks and not knowing if it was a test and that you should run back to the Joker or going to find Alfred because he's the only person in the world left that you trust, you decide to leave Gotham altogether. You make it out and somehow navigate your way to having an apartment, a job and even a quiet life in Bludhaven, away from the Bat and the Clown and the nightmares. Except that one day, while you're drinking your morning coffee in a café, Dick Grayson sits down opposite you. You're stable enough not to react immediately, and Dick seems to really care that you're alive and well. Turns out that the Bat found out about you and decided to leave you alone this whole time (which only serves to double down on your feelings of abandonment) Only the joker is out of control and they think that you could help them by giving them an insight into how the joker works. They've got a new Vigilante to deal with too so they're stretched pretty thin. You flat out refuse which is when it turns out it really wasn't a request. You are taken back to Gotham and confronted with the BatFam, helping them reluctantly when Red Hood breaks into your new apartment, demanding information. You argue, and it feels too familiar, setting off a panic attack when he ribs you about your complicated relationship with the Joker. Identities are revealed and you work together to take down the Joker.

The epilogue to this saga would be some time after any of those options.

Both you and Jason finally in a healthier place where you can actually acknowledge what has been growing between you two since you were paired together all those years ago. It's not a neat and tidy happily ever after, it's messy and full of arguments, fears and misunderstandings but it's also full of tenderness, softness and love. And the sex is really good too.

-

If you got this far, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think? Come chat to me anytime!

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[elareine]

If you’re still taking prompts, I had a thought. What if JayTim get de-aged? I saw you did a similar one already so no worries if you don’t want to 😊. My thoughts for this were that they both get de-aged to like 5/6 years old and Jason gets super protective of Tim (cause he’s so tiny and cute), and they get to cause chaos in the cave but also get lots of snuggles with the fam before retiring to their correct ages.

Hi, sorry for the delay! Thank you for the cute prompt. This ended up being gen, not JayTim. Btw, in case you’re wondering what’s happening with your last remaining one (”keep you warm”): That one took a life of it’s own and is growing beyond a drabble. It’ll take me a while to finish, but yeah, it’s gonna be a fic, not a drabble. 

Dick would like to say this isn’t what he expected when he was called into Wayne Manor to babysit his brothers. He would.

Honestly, though, finding two of his brothers de-aged back to being kindergarteners doesn’t even make the top-twenty list of ‘Weirdest things to happen on a Tuesday.’ So he takes it in stride when Bruce basically dumps the two on him (“I need to go find a cure. I can’t do that if they’re playing cowboy and dinosaur under my feet.”) and settles down on the living room floor to have a tea party. Alfred even joins them.

It’s fun.

Tim is so shy. It’s hard to connect this quiet kid with the teenager Dick first met all those years ago. With Jason, though, he gives as good as he gets, poking him in the side and telling him to sit straight and not spill any tea.

Jason, to Dick’s surprise, goes with it. He tells Tim facts about the books he’s starting to read; Tim tells Jason about the beeest superheroes, and it’s some of the most wholesome nerdy shit Dick has ever witnessed.

“I need to pee,” Jason eventually announces, hopping to his feet.

“Want me to come with you?” Dick isn’t really sure until what age kids need help with that sorta thing. And Jason is so small… but the kid scowls at him. “No! Weirdo.”

As his brother leaves the room, Dick thinks there’s something in his hand… cookies, maybe? He shrugs it off.

Alfred has a weird expression on his face when Dick turns back to him, though. Most people wouldn’t notice, but Dick knows his grandfather. “What’s troubling you, Alfred?”

“It’s nothing.” Alfred pauses. “I have found food hidden in several places, but I’m sure there is a rational explanation.”

“Oh, you weren’t supposed to find those!” Tim scowls.

They look at him. “Are they yours, then?” Dick asks gently.

“Jay said it’s really important that we have them. Just in case…” Tim trails off, uncertainty taking over his expression. “Was that wrong?”

“No!” Dick hastily assures him. Alfred adds: “I merely thought that I would provide you with more appropriate storage boxes.”

But Tim’s face scrunches up. “I didn’t mean to—“

“Hey!” Jason races back in through the door. He’s by Tim’s side faster than Dick can blink. “What happened?”

Tim hiccups, clearly trying not to cry. “I—I’m sorry—“

“It’s okay,” Jason says, glaring at Dick over his shoulder. Is this what Damian would’ve been like at that age? Cause Dick has a hard time imagining eyes any more lethal. “Wanna play some more hide-and-seek?”

Tim nods, but his gaze darts toward Dick for approval.

Dick sighs and figures that they can’t really get themselves into much trouble doing that. Alfred can keep an eye on them through the cameras, just in case. “Sure, have fun!”

“You’re not invited,” Jason tells him. And then they’re off, giggling, tension from two minutes ago forgotten.

“I’m Robin!” Dick hears Tim call, followed by “Then I’m Batman” in what is probably supposed to be an imitation of Bruce’s voice, except Jason is what, six(?), and his vocal cords very much do not go there.

Dick carries their tea party equipment into the kitchen and then settles down on the couch, keeping an ear out for the two miscreants while he reads. It’s pretty peaceful, and he can feel his sleep deficit catching up with him, eyes getting heavier and heavier.

Something pokes his side.

Dick pries his eyes open and sees Jason staring at him, unimpressed. “Tim needs more cuddles,” he declares.

Dick tries not to smile. “Does he?”

Jason nods, very seriously. “He likes them, and he does not get enough. I need to make sure he gets cuddles when I’m not here.”

Dick tries not to squee at the idea of Jason basically anointing himself as Tim’s Cuddler-in-Chief. “Well, I’m always down.”

For a moment, he’s examined by blue eyes. Then Jason nods, goes back to the door, and drags Tim in. “See? I told you it’s fine.”

Tim looks skeptical, so Dick makes a point of lifting the blanket he’s under invitingly. “C’mon, I need my cuddles.” He has now said or thought the word ‘cuddles’ more in one day than the last year combined.

It takes another gentle push from Jason, but Tim climbs in. He nestles trustingly against his side, head dropping onto Dick’s shoulder. Poor mite must really be tired.  

Jason nods, seemingly satisfied, and turns around.

“Wait, are you leaving?” Dick asks.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“‘Cause you should join us?” Are kids always this bewildering?

Jason looks back, visibly baffled. “Why? I’m too old.”

“You’re never too old for cuddles,” Dick tells him with the conviction of a grown man who regularly gets cuddles from his girlfriend and loves it.

Jason doesn’t seem convinced. “Sure you are.”

“Jay…” Tim murmurs, sleepy eyes peeking out from under the blanket, and that seems to do it. Jason climbs into the blanket nest with a scowl. He makes sure to stay on Tim’s other side, away from Dick.

Dick doesn’t mind. It’s warm and cozy in here, and less than ten minutes later, the kids out. They’re at the age where nap-time doesn’t come quite that naturally anymore, Dick thinks, but they must’ve exhausted themselves. Besides, who knew if Tim and Jason got any sleep in their adult bodies the night before.

Dick closes his eyes, listening to his brothers breathe. He could do with a nap himself.

[prismacolor19]

Artwork By @zed-sabre

I love this so much! This is making me so sad at seeing Jason like this and seeing him so confused. This artwork inspired me so much that I ended up writing a fanfic about it!

I will edit this tomorrow. I am still not fully done with this fanfic and I have to edit it, but it’s my first full fanfic I have written! My thoughts were on a roll and this fanfic didn’t take me and that long to write and I was so happy when I found out I could finish it the next few hours and post it! I have some other ones that I am almost done with that are longer but, this is my first full one and I was too exited to wait to post it! I still need to come up with a title.

I know a lot of fans have the head canon that not all of Jason’s scars were erased from the Lazarus Pit, especially his autopsy scar but, I love that they were erased So I am interpreting that some of these these scars Jason is seeing are being imagined in his head.

Jason gets out of the shower after showering off from patrol and is about to grab a towel around himself when he suddenly he sees himself in the mirror and stops in front of it and stares at himself as he notices his scars. He then begins to look at and trace the scars he has on his wet body.

As he looks at and traces his scars he thinks about what Joker did to him and then he imagines the scars he used to have from when he was Robin, the scars he got from what the Joker did to him. But the scar he is thinking about and imagining on himself the most, is his autopsy scar. He thinks how he deserves to have those scars.

He thinks back to one of his last few conversations he had with Artemis.

“When I was made whole again......when I stepped from the Lazarus pit......I was upset when I realized all my scars were healed over. From the crow bar. From the bomb. They were my scars. I earned them. Does that make any sense?” RedHood And The Outlaws (2016) #50

He then remembers what Artemis told him that night.

“Of course. Scars are the stories our bodies tell about our lives.” (RedHood And The Outlaws (2016) #50

He remembers feeling so comforted after hearing those words from her and feeling relieved that someone understood him and didn’t think he was crazy. Now he can’t help himself from thinking how he deserves to have those scars marking his perfect skin. He knows his skin is not exactly perfect because he has gotten a lot of scars since he came back to life but, it’s better now that the old ones are gone.

He thinks about how if he still had the scars that were erased on top of the ones he has now, it would be an ugly mess on his skin, and they would be his permanent reminders for his mistake and for the things he has done since he first came back to life. These reminders and these scars would be his punishment he deserves for bad things he has done. Jason then thinks about not for the first time how he still sees himself as a monster and can’t stop himself from thinking that he deserves to have his skin looking like that.

Jason then notices how dark and deep his thoughts are spiraling and thinks about how disappointed Roy, Kori, Bizarro, and Artemis would be if they found out Jason was thinking all of this about himself. Jason knows deep down he is not monster anymore and that he needs to get over what happened to him. He knows he can’t forget about what Joker did to him, but he knows he can’t let what happened fill his thoughts.

Jason then grabs a towel, drys off, goes to his pj drawer and puts on his favorite red sweat pants, goes over to sit down on his bed, grabs his phone on the night stand and calls Dick, who is staying at the manor for the next few weeks. He most times calls Tim, Babs, even Bruce or one of the others but, tonight it’s bad. Not the worst thoughts or moments he had before, but still it’s more dark and he doesn’t want the others to be exposed to it.

He knows they aren’t little kids and could handle it but, their nights are already so dark and if he can prevent them from being exposing to more darkness tonight by just little he will do everything he can to prevent that from happening so they can have a more peaceful sleep without worrying and thinking about him and the things he would have told them. He knows Dick is going to tell them all he went over his place because he was having one of his bad nights and that they will all talk and comfort him tomorrow like they always do.

Dick: Hi Jay

Dick already suspects something is wrong Jason can hear it in his voice. Dick knows that when Jason calls this late night it usually means something is going on. It’s not that late right now it’s 2:30am so Jason knew Dick would be finishing up his reports or sleeping. From the rustling sounds Jason hears as Dick moves his blanket and sheets he knows Dick was about to go to bed and that makes him feel better about calling him when he did. Jason hates it when wakes Dick up even though Dick has told him it’s fine and to call him no matter what time it is.

Jason: Hi Dick

Dick is standing up and is walking over to his closet to grab his overnight bag he always has packed for when his family or fiends call him saying they need him to stay over. From how sad Jason’s voice is Dick knows Jason is not ok and his having a bad nights. Jason and his thoughts get like this sometimes during the day too. His thoughts become dark and deep, he is confused about himself and his life, and sometimes just wants to give up and do nothing but Jason being like this and thinking these thoughts mostly happen at night.

Dick: How bad is it Jason?

Jason: It’s bad right now.

Jason: I am having a hard time controlling the thoughts I think of.

Dick: Where are you now?

Jason: I am at my main apartment siting on my bed.

Dick: Ok Jason stay there I will be there soon.

Jason: Ok.

Jason then hangs up the phone, unlocks his front door, walks back into his bedroom, and lays down on his side on his bed with his back facing the window, pulls his blanket over himself, and cries fast tears wishing he wasn’t feeling this way and thinking about these things.

Dick has his bag on his shoulder, goes to grab his phone, unzips his bag, places in phone inside it and leaves it unzipped. The last thing he grabs is his keys and he then goes to his closet to put his blue sneakers on, and quickly walks out of his the room, down the hall, and down the steps. Right before he walks out of the manor he sees Bruce at the top of the stair case and tells him. “Jason is having a bad night” “Tell the family” Bruce then says “I will” Dick then says “I will text you all when he is asleep” Bruce then says “Thanks” “Tell him he doesn’t have to come over if he doesn’t want too” Dick says you say the same thing every time, but yea I will tell him” Bruce then sends a text in the family group chat for them to see in the morning saying Jay called Dick to tell him he is having a bad night and that Dick will text them when Jay is asleep. Bruce then goes back to bed and hopes Jason decides to come over and Dick runs out the door and towards his car and get in and starts it as fast as he can and is then speeding down the long drive way.

When Dick arrives at Jason’s apartment 10m later, (because he speed down the backroads going 80mph, knowing he wouldn’t run into any cops) he turns the knob knowing it’s already un locked and locks the door. He then walks towards Jason’s bedroom and can hear him crying from inside the room and opens the door. Jason hears his door open and knows it’s Dick and doesn’t care that he knows his crying and is going to see him like this. Jason got over his issues of being emotional and crying in front of his family a year ago.

Dick was already wearing his blue sweat pants when he drove over here so he climbs on the bed, lays down next to Jason, and hugs Jason from behind. Jason then turns over and hugs himself on top of Dick’s bare chest and cries even more. Physical contact helps calm Jason down and sleep and he feels safe when he can feel another person’s body and warmth. Dick wraps his arms tightly around Jason and pets and cards his fingers through his hair. Dick then asks “Do you want to talk about it?” Jason in a teary voice says “No” “Let me know if you change your mind” “If not we can talk about it tomorrow” Jason then changes his mind and says “This isn’t fully what’s going on but, I can’t stop thinking about how I should be punished for the things I have done” “Jason I am so sorry your thinking that” Jason is still crying and says in a frustrated voice “It’s horrible Dick!” “I know it’s not true, and I don’t want to be thinking about this but I can’t stop myself from thinking this!” “I want the thoughts to stop!” “I feel so miserable and I can’t do anything else, but think these depressing thoughts and lies!” “Shhh calm down Jason” “It’s going to be ok” “Do you want to go the manor tomorrow?” “it’s ok if you don’t want to” Bruce said you didn’t have to come over if you don’t want to” “I can stay with you this week” “He always says that” He means it Jay you know that” “Yea I do” “I do want to go over the manor tomorrow and stay there this week“ “This time it will be better for me if I have you all there for me” “They will all be so happy to know that Jay” “Do you want to take something to help you sleep” “No” “Just having you hold me and me hugging and feeling you is helping” “Thanks for coming over” “Any time Jay” “Now to try to sleep ok” “I will try to” Dick then rubbed Jason’s back and kept on playing with Jason’s hair.

After Jason cried for 30m he finally stopped and went to sleep 15m later, Dick carefully reached over to his night stand and texted in the family chat that Jason is now sleeping peacefully and they will be at the manor at 4:00pm. Jason usually sleeps in until 3:00pm when he has his bad nights and an hour would be enough time for Jason to pack and for them to get ready to leave and have an hour and half to spend time with the family before they dinner at 6:30pm. After dinner they would all talk to Jason and help through his problems and the thoughts he is thinking about himself and Jay would feel better after his stay.

After sending his text Dick made sure Jason was still asleep he then closed his eyes and thought about how great it was that Jason had been and still does ask for their help, let’s them help and comfort him, and that Jason asks for their comfort love. Dick went to sleep feeling so proud of Jason, feeling his warmth and listening to and feeling his breaths. It comforted Dick and made him feel so happy he was able to clam Jason down and get him to have the peaceful sleep he deserves.

[verymuchimmortalcat]

Maribat March Day 5: Last Time

ao3

@maribatmarch-2k21 

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got there

All roads, they lead me here

He’s standing outside her door yet again, with a hand raised to knock. He wants to knock so badly, let himself be swept up in Marinette’s arms. He wants nothing more. He had left the manor annoyed at Bruce and had just kept walking and somehow, he wound up here, outside her apartment door. He hadn’t even realized he was making his way towards her apartment until he was there. Both Babs and Alfred had told him that this wasn’t healthy. Being Nightwing drove a wedge between the two of them. She knew he was Nightwing just as he knew she was Ladybug. She still was Ladybug, still joined the Bats on patrol and everything but the two of them simply acted as if there was nothing between them, never was and never will be. Even though they know there once was and is yet to vanish completely. And the rest of the Bats know it too, but she worked well along with them, and as long as that continued Bruce would not interfere. The girls had dragged her into their group and even Damian liked her, she still continued to spend time with Tim and Jason and if they ever crossed paths, she never acted any different. Cass was probably the only one who could see through them, told him to his face that he was hurting both himself and her. But he couldn’t give up Nightwing nor did she want him to but she didn’t intend on having a boyfriend who left ever so often on missions, she knew what he did was important, she worked in the same field after all. But Dick was called upon constantly by League members and the younger heroes both, and Dick in his obligation to help had forgotten Marinette. That was why they had broken up the first time and after the third time, there wasn’t an official getting back together or a break up. It became an endless cycle of spending time together whenever they sought out the other and then leaving before it broke their hearts again but instead all it left were small cracks that would eventually break. Dick knew that, but he knocked on the door regardless.

I imagine you at home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

And everything feels better

She was probably in her room. She usually was this time of the night. Either finishing up some sketches or talking to Chloé who had moved to New York with her mother. The Kwamis tend to leave her alone this late in the night. Dick knows, however, that they’d be next to her the second she needed something. Which was exactly what he couldn’t do for her. She opens the door, looking the same as ever: tired from how many ever hours of working and simultaneously breathtakingly beautiful. Blue eyes meet. The moonlight reflects on her eyes, making them look bluer than ever. And Dick feels the calmness he has only ever felt in her presence.

And right before your eyes

I'm breaking, no past

No reasons why

Just you and me

She leads him in. He knows she’s just waiting for him to tell her what’s wrong. He knows his walls are crumbling and he’ll be talking to her to figure this out in the next few seconds. He knows that one of them is going to kiss the other before he finishes talking. He knows they’ll end up spending the night together. He knows he’ll leave in the morning and the two of them will act like nothing ever happened. He knows because they’ve done this before. And yet he ignores all that he knows and gets absorbed in the miracle that is Marinette.

This is the last time I'm asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I'm asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye

He tells himself that this is the last time. The last time he goes running to her. Wanting to be the one that she wants. His heart is breaking and is bound to shatter eventually, he knows it, she knows it but neither of them put an end to this.

You find yourself at my door

Just like all those times before

You wear your best apology

But I was there to watch you leave

She’s sitting in her room, sketching, when there’s a knock on the door. There’s only one possible person who’d be knocking on her door at this time of the night and a good part of her wants to ignore it. It’s not the first time he’s come back and every single time she wants it to be the last. He’s standing outside the door and he looks stunning in the moonlight. He’s clearly upset. That’s definitely what brought him here. She wonders if he knew where he was headed or if it was subconscious. And yet all she can see is him leaving like every other time before.

And all the times I let you in

Just for you to go again

Disappear when you come back

Everything is better

But she lets him in, she doesn’t know what else do know anymore. She knows he’ll leave. Hopes that maybe knowing and accepting it would make it easier. Though she knows that is just yet another lie she tells herself when it comes to Dick Grayson. But then he comes back, and Marinette lets all the doubts and worries disappear. She thinks that, that too might be a learned behaviour at this point. She pushes all logic to back of her mind and instead thinks with her heart. That’s always been his effect on her, not that he knows it.

And right before your eyes

I'm aching, no past

Nowhere to hide

Just you and me

And it hurts but they ignore their history. When it’s just the two of them it always devolves to just that. Nothing around them matters. Nothing that happened before matters. They live in the moment.

This is the last time I'm asking you this

Put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I'm asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye

But the moment ends. It always will. Marinette knows this. Tells herself it’ll be the last time. Tells herself this can’t happen another time. Because some part of her will always want more, an actual relationship, not whatever they have right now but she knows they can’t go back to when they were together the first time. When everything was sunshine and rainbows. What people forget is rainbows need rain. She remembered the first few months back then when she felt secure in knowing that he’d be there to support them no matter what. And Marinette hopes that this is the last time she needs to feel her heart break.

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong

This is the last time I say it's been you all along

This is the last time I let you in my door

This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore

And as she falls asleep in his arms, she sets her mind that this is the last time. No more fights. No more letting him in and shutting him out. This chapter has to end today.

He holds Marinette as she falls asleep and silently promises, “I love you. But this has to be the last time, I can't hurt you anymore.”

[batarella]

I Don’t Hate You - Part 16 (Jason Todd x Reader)

this is the only part of the series when I was actually bawling my eyes out while writing it. I hope this makes up for the past two chapters (not sorry though)

WORDS: 6610 WARNINGS: Grieving, Guilt, Heartbreak, Death of loved one, still so much angst

Masterlist

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

-----

Now

“Y/N…”

You didn’t notice just how long you sat there silently, watching the lint stuck to the carpet move about from the tiny push of the ceiling fan.

“Do you hear what I’m saying?”

Reluctantly, you looked up from the not too interesting carpet and saw how the therapist was looking at you. You could tell how much she was trying to hold back from being too overly comforting to the point where you’d feel like you were being pitied on. Which you were. Everyone did. You hated it to the bloody core at first, but once you got used to it all, when you’d grown used to the ever-lingering pain in your gut, you learned to let it slide.

“Yes…”

The therapist took your empty mug and poured more water into it. Your tears have dried. You knew what she said was right.

“I know this is a lot to process… but once you truly realize none of it was your fault, it’s the first step to moving on.”

You heard the blades of the fan swing around. You focused on that sound. Anything to help stop yourself from sobbing too much as if you still had any tears left within you.

“Can't you see?” you whispered. “I don’t want to move on…”

You stared at the water, focused on the sound of the fan. In the bottom of your throat, there was an itch you couldn’t reach. And the more you stood silent, the more you felt it.

“I understand that is the case-“

“You don’t. I tell myself that all this is my fault on purpose. Because moving on…” you gulped. “It just feels like I’m purposely trying to forget him. I don’t want to forget him. Everything we had. I don’t want to throw away like some happy memory I’ll never get to relive. I love him. Present tense. I love him…”

“But he’s gone…” she leaned over to you. “You can't throw your life away for him. That isn’t what he’d want.”

“No. It’s what I want. Three years, I never did so much as talk to another guy. The thought of it disgusts me… I can't give myself away to another when he’s all I ever wanted. So no, I never want to see myself move forward and have a family with anyone else that isn’t him. It’s cruel and unhealthy, but this is how I want things to be.”

The therapist watched your mouth tremble. You had so many more things to say. And from the look on her face, she knew this was the first time you’ve put these thoughts into words.

“After we broke up…” you said. “I thought I never wanted anything to do with him anymore. I never wanted to see him again. I wanted nothing more than to forget him. I tried… so hard… to convince myself that I hated him, that I was so much better off. For days, I stayed in bed, I didn’t eat, sleep, shower, anything. He hurt me so much and I knew any thought of him will subject me into more of that hurt…

“But then… when they told me he was gone…”

You closed your eyes and felt the cold tears sting your cheeks.

“I hated myself. For ever thinking that about him. I realized just how much of the things I did, if done differently, would have changed so many things for the better. I betrayed him… when all he ever did was love me… And the guilt eats me up so much… every single day. I could never hate him. I could never wish we never happened. And I hate myself everyday for getting out of that car, for not handling it the best way I should’ve thought of. But even with what we had, how everything happened, I’ll take that short while I had with him over a lifetime without him at all…  

“I let that guilt consume me. I wanted it to. I let the idea of him stick to me so much that I could never bring myself to even imagine that I could ever belong to another. I don’t want to move on. I still want him the same way I did when I first met him. As far as I know, I’m still his. I’m still Jason’s. Whatever happens, I’m always, always, going to belong to him. Dead or alive. I don’t care if it isn’t what he’d want. He doesn’t get to tell me what to do. Not anymore…”

It definitely wasn’t what he’d want at all. Even until now, you haven’t changed your phone’s wallpaper since before you even broke up. It had been three, very long years.

“I see…���

The therapist took a drink from her mug, the laid back to stare at her notes.

“You don’t want to move on because you still wish he’d somehow come back-“

“No. Not even that. I don’t want to move on because forgetting him seems like the worst thing I could ever do to myself… He was the best person I ever met. All those days in the library…” you closed your eyes and let yourself smile. “All the fights we had… I’d give my life to have those back.”

The therapist almost didn’t want to say anything to change your mind. And you made sure she knew you had no plans on changing your mind.

“You’d rather go up against the forces of nature than to find happiness?”

“I just can't see myself being happy with anyone else other than him…”

She licked her lips. “It may seem that way at first.”

“It’s been three years. It’s still what I feel. Nothing’s changed.”

“Okay,” she said.

“What if I asked you to look back on how you dealt with his death? Tell me how you got to that point.”

You didn’t know where to start.

-----

Then

The last thing you wanted was to receive even more condolences from people you barely even know. There were the Wayne’s, Jason’s friends, other parts of an extended family you didn’t know much about. You were alone. Just as you had been since he was gone.

They buried him in the cemetery outside the manor. You were the last to stay behind at his grave before you’d walk back inside for the gathering. You preferred not to be in there with so many other people. You wanted to be alone. Be with him. Even when you didn’t have much to say. You barely even said anything since they gave you the news. All you were was a silent, empty pile of bones, flesh, and skin.

Jason Peter Todd

Brother. Son. Friend.

You hated every word being engraved on a block of decorated cement. Even his beautiful name.

But even you, someone who’s hated almost everything around her at one point, had stopped and let everything slide. Your tears had run out. You felt like a dark, empty slate. You had so many days waiting for you to go through with and all you wanted right now was to stay put, take this all in as slowly as you could before your body goes into shock.

Dipping your head to the ground, and after a reasonable amount of hours standing in front of his grave, you walked into the manor.

Dick Grayson was waiting for you at the foyer.

“There you are,” he said. You let him place his hand behind your back, leading you inside. “It’s getting a bit rainy out there.”

People. Too many. Even when it was just their family, you wanted no part of this.

“Dick…”

“Yeah?”

You sighed. “Do you think it’s okay if I go up to his room?”

He breathed out and held your shoulder gently. “Of course. If it helps you in any way.”

“I just want to be close to him.”

“Anything you want.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

“You know where it is. Call me if you need me.”

You looked up at the grand staircase and started making your way up the steps. No one was upstairs, and with the size of the manor so large, you barely heard any voices when you reached the hallways.

Third one to the left. The one with a console table and a vase full of flowers next to it. You placed your hand on the doorknob, your forehead touching the cold wood, then you closed your eyes.

If only, when you’d open the door, you’d see him waiting for you in bed, reading The Scarlet Letter for the fifth time since he first learned how to read, you’ll never wish for anything else your whole life ever again.

But you stepped in, and his untouched, empty bed was the first thing you saw.

The air around looked just about as gray and blank as the silence was around you. It smelled the same, looked just about as he’d have left it. But there were details only you’d have noticed. His bed wasn’t made the same way he always did. Jason always tucked the blanket under the pillows, which were always perfectly puffed. Alfred, on the other hand, covered the pillows with the blankets.

And the books. They weren’t arranged the way he liked them to be. The shelves looked different as well. He had on a new desk chair. A new mirror. His curtains looked newly patched up.

No one had to tell you why. Jason died when his room was still a destroyed mess and Alfred had to be the one to clean everything up post-partum.

So there was even less of him in that room than you’d hoped.

But you still felt him. Despite everything. You could feel him watching over you, smiling at you as you walked in, closed the door behind you, then sat on the bed.

You took a good look around and watched the floating specks of dust around the dead air.

Silent, subtle tears fell down your face, streaming down your chin and your neck.

You lied down, placed your head into his pillow and breathed in. You could smell him. Even with it so faint. You could smell his hair. His neck. That scent you always loved. And you sobbed into his sheets.

It dawned to you that no one was to lie on this bed ever again. That this was the state it was always going to be. You were never going to stay in this room and have his strong arms wrap around you so tightly that you’ll fall asleep almost in an instant. This room, the last of what’s left of him other than the beautiful memories you’ll never forget to treasure, it felt like stepping into his mind and somehow talk to him even when he wasn’t there.

And you had so, so much to tell him, you had no idea where to begin.

So then, you just kept your silence. If you were to tell him anything, even in the afterlife, you’ll have to carefully pick out your words, know exactly what you wanted to say and make sure nothing but your love and eternal loyalty to him would leave your lips. You spent too much time with him, with you speaking without much thought on your words that it’d eventually grow to hurt him. It’s what caused this in the first place.

You looked up the ceiling, hands over your stomach, then you watched on as the light grew to a dim and the night came.

-----

A week before graduation.

He was supposed to be the class valedictorian. The brilliant, incredibly gifted mind of his. No one else deserved that place more than he did. He was supposed to go up on that stage, deliver a beautiful message to all his peers while looking at you in the crowd, smiling from ear to ear. You’ll be the proudest girlfriend there was, and you still are. It would have all gone through exactly as you hoped.

But all there was left of him now was a tribute. A few mere minutes of mentioning his name, talking about what he did, while some other nerd gets to graduate on top. For formalities, they said. You tried to combat it. You talked to the Principal, the Vice Principal, the student council. Everyone. But they wouldn’t budge. Jason was just a memory to them.

He didn’t mean as much to them as he did to you. And he meant everything to you.

And as if you actually wanted to hurt yourself even further than you already did, you took all the guts you had, took deep, calculated breaths,

Then you stepped into the beautiful, empty school library.

Exactly as you left it. You haven’t been here for weeks. Even before Jason left.

And your heart warmed up in the pit of your chest the more you inhaled the dusty scent, the familiar cold breeze from the fan on the ceiling, the wood of the chairs and tables, the browning pages of the old books.

This was yours and Jason’s place. Forever.

You walked to the tables, placed your hand on the surface on the very spot you and Jason often sat in when you rewrote the library’s handwritten records all afternoon. Where you barely slept that time you were locked in. Where you’d sneak glances up at him, catch him staring at you for long minutes.

You ran a hand across the back of his favorite chair.

The shelves. There was a cart nearby, one with a few piles of books in it that hadn’t been arranged. You saw yourself sitting in that very same cart, holding out the books for Jason as he pushed you through the aisles, placed the books into their places and playfully pulled on your hair.

You had the time. For old time’s sake.

You took the cart, pulled out the first book that immediately caught your eye.

Edgar Allan Poe’s Collection of Stories.

You fought back the tears. You’ve cried too much already.

Slowly, you pushed it into its place into the shelves.

You saw him, behind the spaces of the books, peering his eye in and smiling at you. He followed you as you went on, passing by the different aisles and placing the books you’ve longed memorized even after more than a year.

He was there, but each time you turned to the corners, he disappeared.

You tried not to think much of it and went on.

You loved the feel of it. The spines of the old, beautiful books. And when you had some of Jay’s favorites in your hand, you opened it up and read a few passages. Even with your heart practically sinking to the ground, your eyes about to burst into tears, you were smiling. A small, heavy smile.

You passed by the stoner’s aisle, the mattress aisle, the aisle with the flask hidden, all the shelves you were as familiar with as your own house. This was a beautiful place. The library.

You didn’t take long to finish through the cart. If it had been you on your first day, it would’ve taken you the whole two hours. But Jason had taught you everything you needed to know. It was one of the more useless, yet most treasured life skills you ever got to learn.

Once you finished with the cart, you immediately smiled when you reached the romance section. The Boner Aisle.

And for the first time in weeks, you let out a small chuckle.

You had way too much fun in this library.

And as you turned around, leaned your back against the shelf with the window right by your side, you let all the memories take over what was left of your sanity. You closed your eyes. You relived it all. You tried, with all your might, to remember the feel of him, holding and kissing you right in this very spot. You remembered all the little arguments you had about all the books you didn’t arrange. You saw the darkness when you spent the night, the night you swore changed so much about the way you saw him.

And the tears never stopped flowing. You wouldn’t let it. You let them take over. You let it hurt you. You wanted it to. You were always going to remember him, and not a second will go by when you’ll forget the sound of his voice, his handsome face, his scent, the feel of his skin.

You slid to the floor, knees folded up your chest. Then you cried.

All the books you read together, in the library, in the manor, in your room. The books he read to you. Edgar Allan Poe. The Raven. The Murder of Rue Morgue. The classics he loved to re-read thousands of times. The books he had in his room.

All the songs you shared with him. The songs you sang for him. The songs from Kodaline playing when you first kissed him and on that night in the chapel. The songs you screamed your hearts out to in the car. The songs he told you to sing saying they suited your voice.

The movies you watched. The horror flicks he was practically covering his eyes from. The sappy love stories you poked fun on. The movies you did your research on so you’d visit abandoned places that inspired them. Movies with abandoned carnivals. Movies about asylums.

And most of all…

The places.

The school. The cafeteria. The abandoned house with the piano. The gym. The football field. The chapel. Your room. The manor. The playground. The Christmas Market. The Walmart parking lot.

The beautiful, damned library.

Everything.

They will always be with Jason. For the rest of your life.

Your head buried into your knees, you slightly looked up at the sound of footsteps.

And at the sight of a grouchy old woman, well into her years with a mouth dirtier than a 12-year-old boy’s, you breathed out a laugh.

“You look like shit, girl,” Ms. Peterson said.

You smiled and wiped the tears from your eyes. “Thanks, Ms. P.”

You thought she’d send you out, and you were prepared for that, but the old woman, who looked just as distraught as you were, walked over to stand right by her side, leaning against the shelf.

“I’m sorry about your boy…”

“You don’t have to… Seriously… I’m sick of people apologizing to me.”

“I know…” she said. “People tend to do that.”

“Are you going to send me out or what?”

She looked down at you, and you looked up at her.

She smiled for the first time. It was warming.

“No… You can stay here as long as you want.”

You sniffed and wiped your snot with your sleeve. “He really liked you, you know. Jason.”

The old woman laughed. “That boy was a menace.”

All the times you messed with this woman almost to the point of insanity. You loved those memories.

“Don’t get me wrong, I hated both your guts. I asked the Vice Principal to send you over to cafeteria duty. But they kept you here. And I had to deal with your antics.”

You smiled. “Messing with you was the most fun I had in detention.”

“I know. You both couldn’t stop laughing all day, it was insane. Like you were perfectly made for each other just to mess with me.”

You lost your smile, looking at the line of books in front of you.

“I’m sorry…”

“I said don’t be. Really.”

Then, Ms. Peterson placed her hand on your shoulder. You sighed.

“Your little pranks were only the start of all the other things I noticed…”

You swallowed. “What do you mean?”

The old woman took in the silence, looked over to the shelves and all the books and tables and the whole of the room. She was smiling, like she was watching something going on.

“I’ve worked in this library for fifty years, girl. Since I got out of college. I loved it. I loved the books and how I was tasked to take care of them. I loved every part of it. I will die with this job and whoever takes my place will never love it as much as I do…”

“I thought you hated it-“

“Shh.”

You kept silent.

“But the work, it was only one thing about it that made this job so beautiful. I’ve seen kids from the seventies, courting each other the old fashioned way leaving flowers and handwritten notes they had left in the books. I’ve seen teachers come in, crying about the work load they had that no student seems to care about. In the eighties, I saw how people started listening to music while they read. They sent cassette tapes over to each other. They talked with their friends, and I had to shut them up so much more than I do now. Then your phones came in. Laptops. The computers. I’ve seen this place change. I’ve seen so many different kinds of people in them, grow old, grow up. I tend to take notice of the littlest details, if you already didn’t know.”

You laughed. You did know. Any book out of place and she’d flip.

“I’ve seen stories. People’s stories. They happen in this library. I’ve seen kids come in just to cry, fall asleep in the middle of studying. I’ve seen people cram for exams at the last minute. I’ve seen prom proposals happen more often than they should. You have no idea. And of course, there are the trouble makers. I didn’t get to thank you, girl. You helped me a lot in taking care of that.”

“Eh,” you shrugged.

“But…”

She paused, smiling at the thought.

“You know what I didn’t expect to see?”

You shook your head.

The old woman looked down at you.

“In my fifty years in this library, I never thought I’d get to watch two kids slowly fall in love with each other. And I got front row seat…”

You closed your eyes, leaned your head back, then bit your lips.

“And I didn’t just see the obvious. No. It was already there before either of you even noticed. You hated each other at first, sure. But even then, I saw it. I saw the everything. I knew you were going to love each other before either of you did. The little things, they’ve been always there.”

You wiped a tear away. “Like what, Ms. P?”

“Well… I’m sure you know how much of a brood that boy is?”

“Yeah…”

Ms. P smiled.

“I’ve seen him in the years before. That kid never smiled. He stays in the library almost every time he wasn’t in class. And he was always reading, doing his homework, taking a nap.

“And the thing about that Jason, he was always so sad. He had some issues. Most probably at home. I never saw that kid laugh so hard until… well, until you…”

You felt your face burn the way it did the first few months you got together.

“What you also didn’t know, Y/N, was how much his face would light up the moment you walked in. The way he talks, smiles, the way he interacts with everyone else. When you were in the room, it was like you wiped away just about all of his sad little thoughts. And that was only the first week.

“I started seeing him listen closely to you when you sang. I knew because he came up to me once, told me if I ever heard you sing. I said no, and the boy told me I was missing out on one of the best voices in the world.

“When you weren’t around, he’ll come over to my desk, ask where you were. And he’d act so differently without you. He was almost always silent, didn’t like talking to anyone else. And your bickering, dear god, I hated it. I wanted my ears to bleed out the sounds of your voices so much. But then I’d look closer, see how it was most often just cries of attention for each other, how your arguments really made you both smile more than get angry...”

It was also what tore you apart, you thought.

“You had your own set of secrets, Y/N.”

“Me?” you quirked up a brow.

“Oh, hush. You liked that boy the minute you were given your first carts to shelf-“

“I did not-“

“Oh yes you did. You had all those books in the wrong shelves for all those weeks because you wanted to work on the shelves close to him all the time. Follow him around. It drove me nuts.”

“I-“

She smirked at you, and you, rolling your eyes, looked back in front of you.

You smiled even wider. Yeah. It was true.

“I thought you had your eyes glued to your card games, Ms. P.”

“I did. All it took were some glances. I already knew. He watched you through the shelves, you watched him sleeping in front of you in the table, he watched you when you worked, you both had smiles on your eyes when you talked. The way he smiled with you…”

Ms. Peterson looked down at you and placed a hand on your head.

“Well,” you sighed. “He probably hated me before he died. We broke up just before that… I hate it.”

She shook her head.

“The way that boy cared for you… I don’t think he could ever hate you, Y/N. Fifty years of watching people go by, never have I seen two people fall in love as hard as you both did.”

“Weren’t you married, Ms. P?”

“Oh yes. Four times actually.”

You almost choked.

“Not one of my husbands had half of what that boy had for you. And all it took was a few glances up from my card games. I just knew. You can't tell me otherwise…”

She walked to stand in front of you, hands on her hips. “I can't believe I’m saying this, but thank you. For giving me quite a show…”

You were crying in front of her, but you didn’t care.

“Now get your ass up from the floor. You don’t want me locking you in here again.”

You laughed, dusting off your jeans as you walked out of the doorway. You turned around, took one last glance at the shelves, the books, the tables, the desks.

You saw Jason, right by the carts, smiling back at you.

You looked away before your heart broke even more.

“Also,” Ms. Peterson held your shoulder. “I’m in need of a library assistant for hire. When you’re in college, you might be needing a part time job…”

You like that. You like the idea of holding onto Jason as much as you could. No matter how much it hurt.

“I’d love that.”

Ms. Peterson gave you her number.

“You’re going to be okay, girl.”

She walked away, and you closed up the library doors.

No, you won't.

You could go home.

But you had one last thing you wanted to do…

And you were going to need to be alone for this one. Really alone. And you were going to need a space enough to give you all the comfort you were going to need.

You took out your phone.

You, all alone in the now dark school campus, walked over to the back of the school, past the hallways and the classrooms.

You stepped out the back doors and walked into the middle of the football field.

Wide. Open. Empty.

You didn’t have much attachment to this place, but this was what you needed. You needed the cold rush of the fresh air. You needed the earthy grass beneath your feet. You needed to look at the sky. Where Jason was looking down at you, watching you.

You were going to need all that to cope.

And by God, this was a lot to cope with.

You opened your unopened messages.

‘Jason Todd. 1 voicemail. 11:38 pm. April 27.’

You didn’t open it the first time it popped on your phone. You didn’t know he’d…

They said the bomb exploded at April 27, 11:43 pm.

These were his last words. He chose to use them on you.

And now, now that you knew these were his last, you were undeniably terrified to listen to it

It was a few minutes long. Whatever he had to say, you were ready now. You were going to cherish them, whatever it was he said to you.

Fuck, you were so scared.

You looked up above, at the empty black sky. Wherever he was, you were here now. For him.

The large field was enough to calm you, at least enough to give you the courage to do this. The bleachers, they looked like they were watching you, seeing how you were going to deal with this. You looked around, with your trembling breath, and hoped the light breeze will be enough to sooth you.

With your fingers shaking, you pressed play and held it up to your ear.

“Y/N…”

You closed your eyes.

“I… I’m not really sure what to say to you… You probably don’t want to hear anything from me right now… but… fuck, you’ll kill me if you knew where I put myself into…”

Drums. They were beating somewhere. Much like your heart was.

“I shouldn’t have said we were done. We could never be over. You and me… we had it in us to last forever. You said that to me once… and I believed it. I still do… B-but then I…” You heard him grunt in pain “I let you get out of that car. I was stupid to hurt you like this. I never should have, and maybe then I can tell myself that I actually deserve you… I don’t. And don’t I know that…”

Your hair in the wind, you looked up at the sky. The tears were colder against your skin.

“Fuck. I don’t know if I’m getting out of this… I’m scared. I probably won't… I just wanted to let this out before it’s too late…”

You sobbed, crying into the emptiness.

“I love you s-so much... Whether I’m there or I’m not. And you can ignore it if you want, but I love you. You are always going to be mine, and you’ll always have my heart. You have no idea the lengths I’d go just to make you happy, and I’ll do it all again. I don’t care if we fight. I don’t care if you hate me. I love you. always. Always…”

You fell to the ground, your other hand gripping onto the grass. You tried to hold back your sobs, but they kept coming. I don’t hate you… I never could…

“Jason…” you cried, hoping this was a call. Not a voicemail.

“Y/N,” he said, and your heart warmed up at the thought of him hearing you right at that moment. “If I don’t make out of this alive, please let me go…”

No... not a chance... No…

“Let me go. But don’t forget about me. Look back at our time together so you’ll find what truly makes you happy. Please, promise me. Promise me you’ll move on…”

The cries of pain he made in between the words. It all made everything so much worse than it already did.

“Go to arts college. Be the best singer in the world. Promise me that… Promise that you’ll stop finding things to hate and find more things to love, just as I know you loved me. And I know you did, because you made me the happiest I ever could be… Promise me you’ll be nicer to people. Stop throwing coffee at people’s faces or stabbing them with your scissors. For fuck’s sake, please do.”

He even managed a chuckle, and with that, so did you.

“I love you, Y/N…”

You said into the phone, “I love you so much, Jason… I’m so sorry…”

You head was against the dewy grass, crying the hardest than you ever had your whole life.

“I’m sorry things didn’t turn out the way we wanted it, baby. I’m so sorry… For everything I did. I wanted a life with you more than anything. And after you listen to this, I hope you forgive me… The last thing I want is to get in the way of your happiness.”

Of course you forgave him. You forgave him before you even knew.

“Look up, my Y/N. I can't thank you enough for everything… And know I’m always here. Always.”

Always.

It ended.

Your screams, you couldn’t even hear them.

Everything was a dead, muted blur.

Your tears soaked the ground.

Your palms covered in dirt and grass from how much you pulled on them.

You clutched your phone to your chest and cried out all the tears you’ve held back. All this couldn’t be real. You couldn’t possibly have lost him like this.

But you did…

And there was nothing you could do. Nothing to change the past. He was gone. Jason was gone.

He wanted you to move on from that.

No. Absolutely not. You were never going to move on from him. Not even the slightest.

You’ll keep his other promises. You’ll go to the College of the Arts. You’ll be the best goddamn singer in the fucking east coast. You’ll love everything that comes your way. You’ll be the nicest fucking person there was. You’ll do all those faithfully. For him.

But the one thing you’re never going to do was move on. Never.

You looked up.

A single, shining star, looking down at you like it was listening.

“I’m sorry, Jay…” you said, hoping he was listening. “But I can't keep that promise…”

Nothing happened. Nothing said anything back.

You closed your eyes.

-----

Now

You weren’t crying anymore. You were calm.

The therapist, on the other hand, looked just about breaking down from your sob, shitty story. You smiled.

“I’m not supposed to have my favorites,” she said.

“But you have the most beautiful story… Not everyone can find a love like that…”

“I know. That’s why I refuse to let him go. I love him. Always. I never stopped.”

The therapist nodded, grabbing her mug and taking a drink.

“I’m sorry,” she wiped a tear with her sleeve. “I don’t cry often with my clients around.”

“It’s alright…”

She smiled at you. “You fell in love with him in your library detention work, huh?”

“Yes… I did…”

Then, the therapist nodded but started to frown.

“You know,” you leaned forward. “If it weren’t for him… I wouldn’t have changed. I’d still be that mean, bratty bully he still had the guts to fall in love with. And if I hadn’t changed…”

You looked up at the pair of cat-eye glasses, the same ones that looked at you in so much dismay and annoyance all those years in high school. The same ones that told you off like she was your mother. The same ones you were awfully familiar with, but never grew comfortable of.

“I’d say all this was your fault, Vice Principal Watson…”

The therapist, Dr. Heather Watson, the former Vice Principal of Gotham High, now a reputable therapist from her deeply beloved passion for helping out the troubled youth find their way (mostly inspired by a particular mean girl in her school who needed a lot of her help), let out a short, chuckling breath through her nose and shook her head.

“I was afraid you’d call me that eventually…”

You shrugged. “You’d have seen it coming.”

“Well…” she bit both her lips, trying not to look at you. “I can't say I blame you for blaming me…”

“None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you, you know. You remember that day you gave me that library sentence? You told me I needed someone to hold me back from terrorizing the school. You said I needed a boyfriend.”

Ms. Watson smiled at the memory.

“Turns out, you were right. And it just so happens that a troubled boy, Jason Todd, someone as you said, wouldn’t be afraid of me even if I tried, started a fight at the cafeteria that day and somehow, while we were both in that office of yours, you had the brilliant idea of giving us a completely unnecessary ten weeks-worth of detention with no one else but each other. Tell me, Ms. Watson, that you didn’t do that on purpose because some part of you just knew we’d be perfect together, and I’ll eat my words.”

She stuck her tongue to the side of her mouth.

“I won't deny it.”

You breathed out an airy laugh, looking out into the window.

“I’m sorry…” she said. “No one would have seen this coming-“

“No…”

You bit your lip.

“Did you come here just to tell me that? If it helps, you can place the blame on me. Even his death-“

“Stop it.”

You looked at Ms. Watson.

“I came here to thank you…”

You gave her a sad, yet genuine smile.

“Jason was the best thing that ever happened to me… Doesn’t matter where I am now. I’d never give up the time we had for anything…”

Watson nodded understandingly. She looked down at her notes, flipping to another page. She cleared her throat.

“You changed so much since high school… I’m glad you see it that way, Y/N.”

You looked down at your hands. It’s all thanks to him.

Just as if it were on purpose, the alarm on her table rang.

“Well,” she sighed, turning the alarm off. “Your time’s up.”

You stood up, and you shook Dr. Watson’s hand.

“Thank you, VP.”

“Stop calling me that.”

You laughed. She smiled at you the whole time you went out her office, paid at the reception, then stepped out the building.

It was a warm, summer’s day.

And it was just as warm within your heart.

You breathed in.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Dick?”

The voice at the other end of the line was rushing to get somewhere quiet. You, still standing outside the office, held your phone tightly to your ear.

“Hi, Y/N. Is everything okay?”

“Yes…”

You thought it was going to make things easier. And somehow, in a way, it did.

“I just got out of therapy.”

“How’d it go?”

You licked your lips. “Better than I expected, I guess?”

“Yeah, well, I thought you’d need some help to get your head straight. Figure things out.”

“It helped remembering how I got here in the first place…”

“Of course. I’m glad it went well.”

The question was itching in your throat.

“How is he?”

You heard Dick sigh.

“Well, he isn’t trying to kill us on sight anymore, I suppose. He just runs away.”

You looked up at the rooftops.

“Did you find out what brought him back to life?”

“I’m still not sure. Ra’s Al Ghul definitely had something to do with it. He’s a lot stronger now. And a lot more dangerous. Only his Lazarus pit can make that happen…”

You breathed in.

“I’ll need some time. I know you called because you needed me to deal with him, Dick. And I appreciate Bruce paying for the therapy session to help me deal with… this... But I’ll have to think about it.”

“Come meet me at Pauli’s. We’ll talk it through if you want.”

You wanted this.

You had to do this.

“Okay.”

-----

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

-----

DON’T KILL ME ANYMORE 

everyartistwas-firstanamateur  @sarcasmismyfirstlove @damned-queen-of-gotham @idkmanicantenglish @wunderstell @birdy-bat-riya @get-loki@everyday-imfangirling @comic-nerd-dc @multifandoms916 @icequeen208@offendedfishnoises @egdolan @xemiefx @arkhamtoddler @elsenthal@mythicbitchx @supremehaunter @ burning-alive  @lucy-roo  roseangel013bf @ loxbbg  reclusive-chicken-nuggethttp-cherries shadowsndaisiesriver9noble zphilophobiazannoylinglyaries @knightfall05x @l-horizon11

[hobbitsnapes]

The Red Hoods Protègè chapter 5

Older Damian Wayne x ofc

(Photo made by my lovely friend @bakketsux)

Summary:Red hood has taken a young vigilante under his wing and subsequently changes Damians life forever. (I suck at summary’s)

A light streams through the blinds, shining a light into Damians eyes as he stirs awake. He opens his eyes and looks around him for the cause of him waking up besides the light.

He looks down and sees Titus awake sitting on his feet. The large dogs ears perk up at seeing him awake. Damian sits up and scratches behind the large dogs ears, a smile forming on his face at the sight of his dogs tongue hanging from his mouth. Titus rolls into his back as Damian rubs his tummy.

Damian gets up and goes to his closet. Pulling out some sweatpants and a random shirt. He puts his clothes on and brushes his hair back to tame the mess of bed head hair he’s got. Titus barks at him signaling that he’s tired of waiting.

Damian smiles and grabs the handle to the door and Titus walks down the large hallway towards the kitchen. When he walks in he sees Tim pouring his usual mug of black coffee with enough sugar to rot a persons teethe. His long hair falling in his face clad in a white button up shirt and dark brown slacks with black dress shoes.

Damian walks over and grabs Titus his bowl and puts his food in for him, the dog munching almost immediately after its set on the ground. He grabs some bread and throws it in the toaster. He then pours himself a glass of coffee.

The two men stand at the kitchen island and enjoy their breakfast in silence. Due to growing older and living in the same mansion for over 8 years the two brothers have simmered down their obvious hated towards one another. They aren’t close by any means, but they can stay in a room together and not try to rip their throats out. Sometimes they can even have a small conversation here and there without a screaming match. Tim grabs some papers off the table, and heads to the door on his way to presumably a meeting.

After him and Titus finish eating he puts his cup in the sink and heads back to his room to get ready for the day properly.

He goes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth and grabs his sneakers and heads out the door.

He steps outside and is hit by the fresh smell of the flowers planted by the door, the ray of the sun a warm welcome to his bare skin as he strips his shirt off and starts his run. He runs around the manor a few times and then starts for the trail into the woods, Titus is right behind him as he jogs through the tall trees, the wind carrying a strong smell of oak and pine. He stops his run and heads back for the manor to finish up some work for the day.

The sound of the busy streets and yelling of people drown out any other sounds in the night as Damian swings from his grapple hook to a large building to watch over the dark but bright city.

He sees a figure on a rooftop and goes to inspect who it could be. He lands on the roof silently and watches the figure as they sit on the edge and look down.

“You know, for how quiet you are, you’d think of wearing all black so you don’t stand out like a soar thumb.” It was her, but why was she sitting on the ledge of a building? Shouldn’t she be with Jason? Or anything else? The questions kept swirling in his head until he heard her speak again.

“Are you just gonna stand there or something? Don’t you have crime to go fight?” “Tonight’s been fairly uneventful, no big drug deals, no evil scientists trying to kill us all or anything tonight. Seems like the bad guys took a vacation tonight.” “Who knows, maybe condiment king has something he’s planing, he’s gonna paint the whole city in ketchup and mustard!” This made Damian chuckle, “maybe crazy quilt plans to blanket the entire city in a huge quilt and drown us all in fabric.” He says back. This made the girl laugh, a laugh he never expected from her. It wasn’t full of sarcasm like he expected. It was almost a mix of a giggle and a regular belly laugh. The sound sounding, innocent almost.

She lowers her head as she laughs as a large warm smile graces her usually bratty and cold face. “M-maybe kite man and-and crazy quilt are teaming up to take over the city!!” She says through her laughs. This got Damian to laugh himself. Both enjoying the calm but funny atmosphere they have for the first time.

“Wow you can laugh, you could’ve fooled me into thinking you had no emotions like the bats.” “You know I’m not a robot, I do have some feelings.” “Yeah, I guess we all do don’t we. Even when we try our hardest not to show it.” Her once happy and playful voice taking a sad, broken sounding voice. She looks down at the city, Damian taking a seat a foot away from her. “Why are you up here?” “I could ask you the same thing.” “I saw you sitting here, didn’t know who you where until I got on the roof. But that doesn’t answer my question.” “Just some memories, that’s all I’m gonna say.”

The two sit there in silence as they watch over the city. The bright lights cashing a large light into the black sky. “Hey.” Damian looks at her, her head turned towards him but looking slightly down. “I’m sorry for saying you’re no robin. I see how much good you do for the city, and how much you care for the innocent. You’re just not what I expected whenever I thought of who robin is. But I’m not sorry for killing them. I don’t want to kill every single one. I get some can be helped and I want that. But some just can’t and will kill more and more until they die.” “As Batman always says, that’s not our decision to make. It’s not our job to decide who lives and who dies. Or job is to stop them and put them away.” “But what if you could save millions, just by ending one? What if you could make this city or even the world a better and safer place where people can enjoy life? Where, kids won’t be ripped away from their family?” Her voice broke as she said kids. He wonders what could’ve happened to her but before he can think anymore she stands up. “I’m gonna head towards the docks and see if there’s anything.” She jumps off the building but before she hits the ground she grapples towards the next building, Damian watching her until she disappears into the night.

The sounds of guns being loaded and the heavy footsteps of boots walking on the floor fills the small room. Angel starts putting on her suit in her bedroom. Starting at the legs and pulling the tight material up her legs, then when it reaches her hips she takes a deep breath as she slips it up her torso and her arms. She then Secures her hood over her head, finally putting her mask on and heads out her door.

When she steps into the living room she sees Jason’s shoulders are tense, his body rigid as he hurily gets his weapons ready. “I don’t want you going out tonight.” “What, why?” She’s confused, she’s gone out plenty of times with him, she’s fought plenty of people and monsters twice his size and he’s never had an issue with it before, so why this time?

“It’s bane, it’s way too dangerous for you to go on this one. I’m not even gonna mess with him on this one.” “I’ve gone up against croc before and handled myself.” “And crocs just an animal. He’s lost so much of his humanity that his strength is literally that. His strength. Bane not only matches croc in brute force but he’s got brains of a genius. It’s way too dangerous and I don’t want you getting hurt. There’s just some criminals I don’t want you to fight up against and that’s final.” “You know I get I’m Legally your daughter but I’m not fragile. I have to learn at some point and I don’t want you to keep babying me.” “I said this is final. You’re not going out tonight.” “And what if you get hurt? What if he gets a hold of you and hurts you because you went alone?” “Yeah and I’d much rather be the one hurt or dead over my daughter!” At this point Jason has moved over to her, looking her dead in the eyes as he says this. “Yeah and you’re my dad! You know I sometimes can’t tell if you’re holding me back like a baby or if you’ve got a suicide wish! Is that why you won’t let me go after joker?!” “Don’t you DARE bring up that bastard's name!” At this point both of them are shouting at one another. The Loudness of their voices booming off the walls. “Well we have to at some point cause you treat me like I’m fragile glass that’ll break after one fucking hit!” “I SAID THIS IS FINAL! YOU’RE NOT GOING OUT ON THIS ONE TONIGHT! I’LL BE DAMNED IF I LOOSE YOU TOO!”

She can see tears threatening in Jason’s eyes. She doesn’t respond not out of fear of what he’ll do to her, but out of worry for the man she thinks of as her father. “Then I’ll be watching the news making sure you’re okay. Just please promise me one thing.” “What is it.” “Don’t get yourself killed, I need you just as much as you need me dad.” Her voice cracks as she speaks. Tears pooling in her eyes.

Jason pulls her into a bone crushing hug as tears escape both their eyes. “I promise I won’t sweet girl, I’ll never leave you.” “I love you dad..so much.” She sobs. “I love you too my sweet angel. I’ll always come home no matter what, you’re my world.” Jason kisses her forehead then let’s go of her. He puts his helmet on and steps out the door, taking a look at her and then shutting the door.

She paces around the living room as she watches the tv.

Fear and anxiety making it impossible to sit as she watches the mayhem unfold. Bane broke out of blackgate along with his mercenaries, the streets filled with bodies as the men forged on.

She has been keeping an eye out for Jason, he hadn’t been seen the entire night but she knew he was there. The men who fought alongside bane had bullet holes to the head as the numbers dwindled down.

While she was relieved to see he was keeping to his word by not going after bane, she was still frightened that the criminal mastermind would trick him and hurt him or, she couldn’t even imagine what the last option was as tears threatened again.

She stopped in her probably 100 track around the room at the sight of bane holding Jason in the air. Her heart stopped as he threw him as if he was a rag doll. She knows she promised him she wouldn’t go out. But at the sight of him laying on the ground was all she could think of as she strapped her weapons to herself. She never took her suit off in case something like this were to happen.

She ran out the door and hopped on her bike as she sped down the streets as fast as she could. The wind crashing against her, not helping the feeling of the blood pumping all throughout her body. Her heart hammering in her chest the closer she got.

She saw the sight of Batman fighting bane no more than 100 feet away as she jumped from her bike and sprinted to her dad.

In the time she got there Jason somewhat recovered enough to keep fighting. “I TOLD YOU TO STAY BACK!” He yelled as he fired off at another mercenary. “YEAH WELL I SAW YOU GET THROWN LIKE A DOLL AND SLIDE DOWN THE BUILDING LIKE A SLINKY!” She yells as she stabs a man charging after Jason. The pair fighting beside one another as more and more men try to take them down.

She sees a flash before her eyes and sees a man behind her knocked out. She looks up at the sight of Robin looking at her. She nods her head as she runs towards Jason. She pulls out her gun and shoots another man in the head and grabs another man's head and slams it into a window.

The adrenaline pumping through her as she fights the hardest she’s had to before. She’s gone up against plenty of men who are triple her size but has never gone up against trained assassins before.

She hears a yell come from behind her and sees Batman thrown into a building. His body laying on the ground momentarily. But as quickly as he was thrown he shakes his head and gets back up only to be picked up by the throat by bane. Before she can do anything Robin charges at him and hits him with enough force to knock bane onto the ground.

The 2 fight for a few seconds until she sees it. The shine of the blade coming into view and before it’s in the air she charges over and swings up and locks her legs around his head. She pulls her grappling gun and strangles him as she kicks him in the head whilst still holding the rope around his neck. But as she jumps off from him completely he reaches out and takes a hold of her and throws her to the ground. The impact alone knocking all the wind from her body as he hits her in the back. A scream ripping through her at the impact cuts through her. He hits her again in the side as another scream comes out but much weaker as she feels the pain rip through her from the inside out. But nothing is as bad as the searing white hot pain in her back.

As she lays on the ground the need to breathe becomes harder as she sees bane taken down.

She lays there as she hears footsteps come towards her. Fearing this is the end until a figure crouches down to her. The image fuzzy until she sees the cape and mask of robin. Even with a mask covering his eyes she sees the fear and panic cover his face. “Help me, please. It hurts so badly.” She sobs out as best as she can. “I know it does, I’m going to take you away from here, everything’s gonna be okay.” She feels him slowly pick her up and cradle her to his chest as she wraps her arms around him. His other arm going to her legs as he picks her up and starts running.

The feel of his arms holding her as her face is in his chest making her want to fall asleep as the pain subsides.

She doesn’t remember how long he ran for until she feels him lower to the ground whilst still holding her to him. He unwraps his arms from her legs and sets her on the ground. She opens her eyes to see him taking his cape off and ripping it and wrapping it around her thigh. She hadn’t even realized she had been cut until the sting of pressure from the material being wrapped around it. A groan leaving her body at it. “I know it hurts but I need to stop the bleeding.” He goes to her stomach and rubs slightly, the feel of his hands both firm but gentle as he feels for anything broken. A groan leaving her as he reaches her waist. “you broke your fourth rib on your right side but thankfully it missed your appendix. The best thing to do is to let it heal as it doesn’t feel detached. Where else does it hurt?” She can’t answer him as she feels as if she’ll fall asleep any second. “Hey hey hey stay with me okay. I know you’re tired but I need you to stay awake for me okay?” She hears the fear in his voice as she opens her eyes again. “Tell me where it hurts so I can help you.” She grabs his hand from around her, a small shock at the warmth of his skin. She brings it to the side of her back and a cry leaving her at the feeling of his palm resting on her skin. “There’s no bleeding and I don’t feel anything protruding out. Maybe when he threw you it knocked something out of place or twisted something.” “It just hurts so bad and I’m. Im so cold.” She shakes as the chill in the air reaches her bones. “Hold on let me help you.” His arms again wrap around her as she feels his cape being draped over her body. She’s again flushed to his chest as she hears him talking. “Batman I’m in an alley between a Italian restaurant and a maroon apartment building a quarter a mile away from your location. Bring red hood with you. Archangel was hurt but nothing dire but a broken rib, a gash on her right thigh and a possible spinal disc herniation on the upper back.” She didn’t hear anything back but knew her father was on his way to her. “I need you to stay away for me okay. Tell me how did your day go today?” “It went well, I watched a movie this afternoon.” “What was the movie?” “Star Wars the force awakens. It fucking sucked.” A laugh bubbles out from Damian at what she said. “Oh yeah, what made the movie suck?” “Where do I even fucking begin! Kyle ren is more angsty than you are and hux can go shove a lightsaber up his ass till it goes through his mouth. And Rey has more mommy and daddy issues than the Winchester brothers.” A large laugh comes out from Damian at the true anger coming from her. “You really don’t like that movie don’t you?” “Not at all. The director of that movies got more issues than Batman does.” “I don’t even know if that’s possible.” “I heard that you know.” The sound of the deep voice making both of them turn their heads and see the cape. Before they can say anything Jason runs over and wraps his arms around her. “This is why I didn’t want you coming out tonight. I thought I lost you.” “You won’t loose me, I’m never leaving.” Her back now turned from Damian, he looks and sees a large patch of blood from her right shoulder blade. “You’re shoulder blade is bleeding” he puts his hand on the area and a large scream rips out of her.

But not a pained scream, a scream so loud he didn’t see her turn around and claw at his face. She jumps on top of him and wraps her hands around his throat as she keeps screaming at him. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” She’s ripped off of Damian by Jason as she falls into Jason’s arms and sobs. But before he can say anything she takes off down the alley as fast as she can. The sight of her disappears as Jason runs after her. What could have happened to her?

@comic-nerd-dc @psychovigilante

[imaginedcreaderinsert]

Your writing it’s so good! The angst is super realistic and everything gives you the feels, I absolutely adore it. So I noticed you like Jason and Dick, maybe my request will interest you. I’d love to read about a reader that goes back in time to save Jason from the joker, making him develop a crush on her that eventually leads to them being together? Bonus points for poly relationship with Dick and Jason.

TWTHANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST! But I’m sad to inform you that I will not obtain those bonus points :( i’m planning on working on that poly soon, though, but it jut didn’t fit with this narrative. I tried to be merciful with Dick, though! Hope you enjoy and that it comes close to what you requested. It came out a bit short and I’m not very happy with it, but I felt like I had to write something because I really wanted to touch a bit on time travel and another alternative universe for Jason. He really did deserve best.

SUMMARY: You think it can’t, it won’t work, but if it can, if it will… Are you willing to sacrifice everything that you have, everything that you own for him? “In a heartbeat”, your mind unconsciously says. It’s so quick that it scares you.

WORD COUNT: 1512.

TW: Joker’s death, not explicit (almost implied); alcohol consumption in minors (not serious tho). I would say it’s pretty soft.

It’s always been you —  Jason Todd x Reader

You think it can’t, it won’t work, but if it can, if it will… Are you willing to sacrifice everything that you have, everything that you own for him? “In a heartbeat”, your mind unconsciously says. It’s so quick that it scares you.

It’s 2025 and things are fucked up. You’ve been a scientist at heart for as long as you can remember, you’ve studied theories that people have given up, searching for impossible answers and solutions that only appear in comics nowadays. But you are motivated. You have been since Jason changed, since he became the Red Hood and things have gone wrong in the city. The crime rate is as it’s peak, and Bruce is tired. Robins come back home hurt, exhausted, and nothing seems to change. Dick is the one good thing in your life; your eternal shine of optimism and your current fiancé. Could you give him up, all the moments you’ve lived together? All of your first times?

“Yes”, you murmur into Todd’s hair after a particularly long night. Dawn? You can see the sun behind the curtains of his small room, but you don’t move. Not now that he has finally managed to sleep. He called you, as it’s been happening for a while now that his birthday is coming, with a trembling voice and disorientated. Sometimes he can’t even remember his name or recognize his own reflection in the mirror. You’ve wished for as long as you’ve known him to make him have less of a burden. You have longed for him having a night of total rest; no nightmares, no shouting, no choking you in the middle of the night because he thinks someone is attacking him, someone is going to take him and-and-

(Jason was fifteen when it happened. He has never left the chair where the Joker tortured. He was just a kid, full of illusion and love for Bruce, who did not protect him back, who did nothing in retaliation. He bitterly cries a lot of times when he confesses that, and you hold him dear like he is the only thing that matters, because he is)

So when the opportunity is offered, the diamond that shines on your finger seems less important, and giving up Dick, your compromise, the devasted world that’s incoming if things continue this way… You cry as you pull the lever. And it’s done.

 * * *

You’re fifteen, just his age; and you know the day it is, the things you have to do to change things, fuck up probably the entire universe, but you are willing to do it. Not because you want him (you do), or because you hated your life back in the now forgotten Gotham (but you did) – but because you want him to be happy.

Whatever the cost.

Things change. Brutally, to say the least. Jason doesn’t die, and the Joker is killed; by accident, some would say as he broke his head open in a brutal fall. Bruce broke his own code and gave up his vigilante life. You never get to meet Damian, and you think you see Tim once in the street, but it’s-it’s nothing really. It doesn’t matter. You were prepared to give it all up when you changed things, and they have.

 * * *

Jason loves you. You fall in love, almost accidentally. You were fifteen when you gave the tip to Batman, and Jason has managed to live a full life: he’s had the high school experience (too easy for him) and finally the university one. You had it both together, briefly coinciding with Dick when you were freshmen and he was a senior. But now things are different. Jason and thus you are 21, and Dick is 25. He is working for Bruce, and word says he is going to inherit it all in a not so distant future. It is not what he wants, not really, but he is proud. He is going to make Bruce proud.

(Sometimes you wonder if he knows. If he is the same Dick that you have left behind, that you will know nothing more about ever again. It tears your heart apart, and Jason sometimes sees you crying, but he doesn’t ask. Does he know it too? Can he imagine such a future without you?)

You don’t talk about it, but it’s there. It’s always been there since you both were seventeen and you kissed, shyly, for first time after trying out alcohol in a high school party. If you were going to go full dumb for once, you were going to do it properly. And you have the mind of someone who should be over these things, who has more experience and knowledge than all of these hormonal teenagers together, but you play along because in some way your mind has regressed as well. Accommodating is not easy, but you get to see friends you thought dead in the years to come, sparsely; they are happy, they are now married to other people, they are older and some are younger. Things have changed. And you have more time with your father, who abruptly left you and your mum alone in a bombing attack. You cry when you get home the first night after the time travel.

You stay at Jason’s house at least five times a week, if not more; the Wayne Manor is as big as always, and it seems strangely empty even to them, like something was not right. But Jason and you fill each room with your laughter, and you feel like crying when you see him as free as he is, a full teenager, a kid that has been granted the experience of having a fulfilling life. When you are eighteen, and about to depart to uni, deciding on where to go, fearing he will go you kiss him. You kiss him and he kisses you back in the sofa, alone; if Alfred stays, if he sees anything, he doesn’t comment on. Bruce is not there, and Dick-Dick sees it all, but he is happy if anything. You’ve been his favorite since you were sixteen, and-

“Jason”, you moaned into his mouth as he caressed your skin, your thighs, and went slowly up towards the interior of your skirt. You are young and in love – and definitively not shy, not once you have him, finally him and him alone. “Jaybird”.

Some things never changed. He did continue being Robin, but he is not in search of revenge, he doesn’t risk his life every time he is out there and he is definitively not reckless – he thinks about you, about what he has, about everything he could lose. And you love him, you love him so much you think your heart might burst out, because can someone so wonderful exist and be with you?

You read together in the evenings with your legs tangled under the duvet; sometimes he sleeps over you and others you drape your arm over him, smashing your head into his chest or your pillow. Thing is, he is yours and you are his. Undoubtedly so. You simply can’t imagine a life without him; his laughing, his silliness, the inherent youth that Jason exhumes from every pore of his body when he holds you close, moonlight over both, and murmurs “I love you”, with a tender and softness no one has ever whispered before. It’s impossible to imagine a tear in his face, his trembling body, strong and prepared for combat: a knight that he has been made, forced to transform into. And it’s not that his body is soft, but his muscles are not tense like before. Before, he felt like he had to become stronger, invincible, so as to protect himself; maybe even force himself to drink down the whisky even if he always knew his body wasn’t prepared.

But now… Now it’s not like that. Save the occasional beer, the nights where you both get tipsy and handsy in the dormitories, in your door before coming in and giving it to every little dark desire of yours.

He always sleeps eight hours straight, maybe even more if you let him; and he’s a cuddle monster, who would have thought! He… Has some strange nightmares, sometimes. But it happens fast, like it never happened once you kiss him soft and confident tangled in his arms. He safe and sound in your arms, and you have to murmur “Jay” higher each time fearing he will never let you go once he has you. And you are incredibly surprised when it doesn’t bother you; there are worse deaths.

Worse universes where you don’t even get to meet, where you will always and forever feel empty; universes where there’s Todd without your last name. So as he presses himself tighter to you, you kiss each of his knuckles better, like remembering every little scar, every little memory he has left of that life you’ve left behind. There’s nothing like it anymore where you are, and that is quite enough.

[bigskydreaming]

Ok, but how would you writte a court of owls and a dick grayson fanfic, focusing on the abduction too, after all the traumas that being destained to be a talon could carry with?, just imagine dick noticing his family could have known this, and then boom, someway the court makes his way to dick core, bat fam have to fighthim, but focusing in all those conflicts and not only the fights

LOL I have a few different Court of Owls’ ideas running through my head at any given time, but for various reasons, some of which I can’t even identify, they almost always tend to be AUs of some kind, where I also play around with different takes on the family dynamics or how the family comes together in the first place. I have no clue why that particular plot point, the Court, tends to pair itself with unorthodox Batfam takes in my head, tbh. It just does.

As an example, the one I’ve come back to the most often and most recently when fiddling around with various WIPs when the chaos of my life these days allows for it, lol.....its called “Where Last We Left Off” and it goes AU from general pre Flashpoint comic book continuity when Dick is still Robin, around fourteen or so. Long enough into his time living with Bruce that they’ve reached a point of considering each other father and son, even if neither is saying as such yet, and past the point where the Titans first formed and and even after Kory first came to Earth, so Dick has well established friendships with Garth, Roy, Wally, Donna, Lilith and Kory at least.

So in it, I set up an initial prelude and then there’s a time skip to five years later, where all the actual fic takes place. My premise is basically that Batman has been operating in Gotham for about seven years by the prelude, Batman and Robin about four or five, and its only in the last couple of years that Batman’s started coordinating more consistently and officially with other heroes as a member of the Justice League. And the point of departure happens when the Court uncovers Batman and Robin’s secret identities while trying to rid themselves of Batman’s interference in their operations even though he’s not aware of them just yet. When they realize that Robin is none other than their intended Gray Son, they decide to try and kill two birds with one stone.

Cue Dick’s abduction, but with a twist. Rather than make him a Talon and subject him to the Talonization process or whatever that’s called, and employ brainwashing or mind control techniques to control him, they make themselves known to Bruce as the ones who took Dick, give him a taste of what the Talons are capable of and make sure he gets a good look at the changes to their physiologies and mental states, and then they make their demands. They won’t subject Dick to any of that.....so long as Bruce agrees to hang up his cape and cowl, and cease all vigilantism and contact with other heroes. They give him forty eight hours to make his decision, and leave him with the body of one of their Talons to ‘study’...in essence, making both an example of how little they care for their tools and think nothing of disposing of one, and to give Bruce more information than he really wants at the moment of all the kinds of things that Talon was subjected to in the ‘making’ of him. 

Unable to find a hint of where they took Dick before the deadline, even when Bruce calls in Clark, Barry and a few others for help searching, Bruce ultimately agrees to their demands and ceases all activity as Batman in exchange for the occasional proof of life demonstrating that the Court are holding up their end of the bargain. If they see even a hint of vigilantism or working with other heroes, they warn, they’ll have no further use for Dick except as just another of their Talons.

Heartsick and with no real idea how to spend his days at first, or inclination to put much thought into coming up with ideas for that, as well as refusing to even speak with Clark and the others, let alone Dick’s friends, at the risk of that being overseen or heard and deemed ‘working with other heroes,’ Bruce ultimately funnels most of his time and energy into charity works and projects mostly born of idle ideas he remembers Dick mentioning every now and then, when complaining about how stupid the way certain things worked or skewering various flaws in the typical upper class reasonings of people he was expected to converse with at various galas....and then venting to Bruce all the way home.

Eventually, Bruce meets Jason in a different way than in canon, but still takes him in. Not to replace Dick of course, or because he’s given up on him (if he ever did that, after all, there’d be no reason for him not to go back out as Batman). But rather just because he has to do something, and the thought of caring for Jason and trying to be for him what he was for Dick, or at least hoped he’d been, it sparks the first real motivation he’s had since the abduction. The one thing he can’t bring himself to regret is taking Dick in, even as he blames himself for thinking so selfishly, since if he hadn’t done that, this would never have happened to Dick (not knowing yet that the Court was always intent on getting their hooks into Dick whether he was in the equation or not). But the point is, he can’t honestly say he wishes he’d never taken Dick in, even as selfish as he feels for that, so he doesn’t let his misgivings keep him from following his instincts with Jason, telling himself it’ll be different since he’s not Batman anymore. (Bottom line being his choice with Jason is still about Jason, not just as a proxy for Dick or anything).

Not all that long after, different events than canon result in him taking Tim in as well (with Tim not aware of his past as Batman at this point in this AU, since I’m positing that Dick was abducted before Tim happened to see Robin doing the flip that let him connect the necessary dots there). And not long after that, Bruce takes in Duke as well, and then finally, about a year before the five year time skip to present day, he takes in Cassandra, due to Barbara’s influence.

Babs has one of the bigger divergences in this AU, as I’m switching things around a little specifically to set Dick’s abduction at just before Babs becomes Batgirl. So she’s not really one of his friends at this point in life, and she sets out to become Batgirl pretty much right after Bruce hangs up the cape. Unable to even confront Batgirl as himself, lest the Court see that as an attempted return to vigilantism, but paranoid that they might view Batgirl as his attempt to work via a proxy, Bruce does a most un-Brucely thing....he anonymously tips off the Commissioner about his daughter’s vigilantism, and Jim Gordon puts a stop to that by unapologetically even playing the guilt trip card to keep his daughter from risking her life night after night. So Batgirl retires almost as soon as she begins, but that doesn’t mean Babs is out of the game by a longshot.

A big part of the reason for that divergence is I’ve always felt that Babs was going to become Oracle one way or another, no matter what road she took there, and although I love her as Batgirl, I don’t view it as fundamentally essential to her overall character as other early personas of other superheroes are. And despite the Bat theme, Barbara has never been dependent on Bruce either for guidance or resources, let alone validation......so I wanted to play around with what happens if you cut the Batgirl portion of Barbara’s life out of the picture completely.

So basically, she just starts becoming Oracle even earlier. She promised her dad she wouldn’t risk her life on the streets in a cape and a mask. She made no such promises about putting her computer skills to use for the greater good, in whatever ways she deems most efficient. Which ultimately leads to her working as a superhero information broker for a growing number of vigilantes who have no idea their cyber eyes and ears isn’t even quite of legal drinking age just yet, and from there, forming the Birds of Prey as satellite agents for missions she directs them towards in a Charlie’s Angels kind of way, where she’s just the voice on the radio so to speak. One of those missions results in Dinah, Helena and a couple others crossing paths with Cassandra, who returns with them to the States. She’s still just a teenager though, younger than when she first crossed paths with the Batfam in canon, only about thirteen here. And the Birds don’t think any of them themselves have the kind of home and stability they all agree she deserves, so they ask the ever mysterious Oracle if she knows of anyone....not realizing just yet that said Oracle is barely a decade older than Cassandra herself at this point. But the Oracle knows all...so she has an idea.

Bruce, being the Walking Guilt Complex that he is, felt shitty about interfering in her attempts at vigilantism even as much as he believes he made the right choice there. So after he adopts Jason, he contrived an excuse to hire Barbara in specific to be Jason’s tutor and catch him up to speed before he went back to school, so he’d have reason to allow Babs to become a regular presence at the Manor, and an excuse for him to help her out any way she might need or want. Not that she ever took him up on this, which frustrates him to no end, cuz can’t a billionaire just assuage his guilt complex in peace already, damn. But regardless, between Jason, Tim and Duke, she’s become a regular fixture at Wayne Manor over the years, even though for the opposite reasons as Bruce initially ‘hired’ her. After all, all three boys are basically geniuses in their own respective fashions, so its not like they need tutoring in the conventional sense once they caught up to speed in whatever ways they needed. 

Rather, Babs is their tutor specifically in the areas of ‘making sure they don’t get so bored with their schooling, they turn to blowing things up and/or world domination as a hobby’. Basically, an overachieving perfectionist know-it-all hired to help three overachieving perfectionist know-it-all kids reach their full academic potential unhindered by their conventional schooling, which at this point is basically just something that Bruce insists on so the boys get regular social interaction, while Babs concocts their actual curriculums that actually interest them and they do on their own time.

Anyway, so while seeking a placement for Cass that Babs thinks is deserving of her, she ultimately thinks of Bruce, and calls in that favor, albeit in a most unconventional sense. Babs doesn’t know Bruce was Batman at this point either, given how effectively he covered his tracks when he hung up the cape and how pointedly he’s kept away from all vigilantism since....but she knows each of his three boys have very different backgrounds and had trouble adjusting at first because of various issues...all of which Bruce spared no expense in addressing, more in terms of his own direct focus and parenting rather than fiscally. He’s a good dad, here, a great dad, since he’s basically poured all the energy and drive he once devoted to vigilantism to what he now feels he should have focused it on instead....being the father he wished he’d been to Dick and wasn’t going to make the mistake of not being now.

All of which makes Babs think that he might not only be willing to take in Cassandra, but that he might be the best one for her. And so after a lot of cloak and dagger obscurity that would be completely unnecessary if all the parties in question knew all the relevant information about each other, Cassandra ends up at Wayne Manor too. 

All of this is essentially backstory for the in between time between the prelude and the actual fic, unveiled and doled out via information conveyed in the present day. But where the actual fic begins, Bruce is committed to being Superdad to Jason, Tim, Duke and Cass, none of whom know he was Batman or the true nature of what happened to their mysterious elder brother who according to the news and what little Bruce and Alfred are willing to say, was abducted years ago with no attempt made to seek a ransom and no idea who did it or why.

Meanwhile, the kids have their own secrets, as Cass has been sneaking out into the city at night and stopping petty crimes and running into some girl in a purple hoodie who calls herself Spoiler. Tim’s preoccupied with a longtime personal quest of his....figure out who the elusive Oracle, all-knowing master of the cyberways is, and in doing so perhaps win their approval and mentorship. And Duke’s metahuman abilities have recently begun manifesting, and Jason ends up helping him test them and figure out what all he can do (after Jason catches Duke in the act of practicing his ghost vision and Duke has to convince him he’s not crazy and nobody needs to tell Bruce). 

And that in turn leads to Duke exploring the house with aid of his powers, trying to learn more about the mysterious missing eldest, and Jason distracting him every five seconds by whispering “what do you see now,” because Jason has also long been endlessly entranced by the mystery of Dick Grayson, and also, Jason has no chill.

With all of the above being the dynamic in existence in ‘present day’....when Dick escapes the Court and returns home.

So the story itself is all about Dick trying to deal with the aftermath of everything that happened to him while the Court’s hostage, and everything that didn’t happen to him and that he missed out on, coming in at the eleventh hour to a family that’s now almost fully formed all in his absence....with a seat at the table that’s been reserved for him the whole time, but with him uncertain as to where and how he fits in all of this.

All while being as cryptic about things as possible, because the one and only thing he and Bruce seem able to agree on, after their bittersweet reunion that doesn’t go how either of them ever imagined it....is to keep the other kids out of all this by any means necessary. Upon learning that Bruce hasn’t been Batman in years and the others know nothing about any of this, Dick’s firm on believing they should keep it that way as he doesn’t even know them yet, but he does know he isn’t willing to risk anything like what happened to him happening to any other child, related to him or not. And Bruce is perhaps too willing to accommodate Dick on this because he still feels this is all his fault, and telling the others everything would mean admitting to them what a terrible father he once was.

Which, he wasn’t, is the thing. One of the many things Dick’s struggling to reconcile now, because just like in the comics, Dick’s early years with Bruce were good more often than they were bad. He realizes upon seeing how easily the other kids interact with Bruce in a parent and child way that this is something he’s envious of, and in hindsight wanted even before he was kidnapped, but now he doesn’t know how to voice that or his fear that that Bruce would only be willing to offer that to him now out of guilt, that if he’d really wanted that kind of relationship with Dick, they would have had it before he disappeared.

Add to that the fact that Dick can’t make up his mind whether he’s grateful and touched that Bruce gave up being Batman just for the chance it might keep him safe from the fate of the Court’s Talons.....because sometimes, Dick resents it deeply...or not resents, per se, but more that he didn’t know the specifics of what was going on in the outside world beyond where the Court kept him, or that they’d made Bruce give up being Batman....so finding that out upon escaping is messing with his head more than he expected, and now he can’t help but feel aware of all the people over the years that could have been helped by Batman but weren’t, because of Dick. Basically, the Son of the Walking Guilt Complex, aka Walking Guilt Complex Jr., is blaming himself and his getting kidnapped, for being the reason Bruce isn’t a superhero anymore.

Meanwhile, it was not a good idea to keep all of this hush hush, if for no other reason than that its impossible to recover from a life-changing ordeal like this at home, when that home is filled with four other people you and two others are all committed to keeping the full details of what happened a secret from. Its not at all the homecoming Dick was picturing and had dreamed of, and he catches himself at times feeling resentful of the others for being there at all, before feeling guilty because the truth is he really is glad that Bruce took them all in and has been good for them, that he still found a way to help people and be true to himself even without being Batman.

There’s other stuff involved too, like the fact that Dick is still keeping things from even Bruce, like everything that happened to him in the Court, because a) he doesn’t want to talk about it, b) he’s afraid of the guilt spiral it’ll send Bruce into, to know that all this time he’d done everything he could to keep Dick safe by giving the Court no reason to break their word....when they never actually made any promise not to try and break Dick by methods not part of their usual Talon process, and c) he doesn’t want to talk about it.

And of course, all his old friends and teammates desperately want to see him and reconnect with him, which he fluctuates between wishing it was easier to explain who they were and have them around without risking their own identities with his new siblings.....and being grateful that keeping the Big Secret from said siblings meant they could only be around so much (like Clark and Diana, etc, who now simply would not be kept away period)....because like with Bruce, Dick is having trouble coming to terms with how much they’ve all changed while he was gone and how much he’s changed, and what this means for them all and how they even FIT now, if they even do at all.

All of which ultimately builds to Dick sneaking out at night to return to vigilantism himself, which makes Bruce throw an epic freakout when he finds out because he only just got Dick back and is not about to risk losing him again. And with Dick trying to convey that he NEEDS this, now perhaps even more than he ever did before, because its the only thing he knows, the only thing that feels familiar, feels right at this point, while everything else is confusing as hell. And even more than that, he needs it in order to feel like the last five years haven’t cost him everything, that they haven’t...’ruined’ him, because what’s the point of him even being home if he’s just as lost and confused as ever and he can’t even save people, do the one thing that’s always made all the shit he’s ever been through feel worthwhile, like it means something?

He needs it, he can’t give this up forever just because something terrible happened one time, that probably would have happened in some form even if he hadn’t been a hero, given what he found out from the Court about his family line. And he’s not wrong to feel that way, is the problem, much like its a problem that Bruce isn’t wrong to feel that if nothing else, its too soon for Dick to be doing this again, and he hasn’t remotely handled any of the many issues weighing on him and the trauma he’s still unwilling to address.

And it doesn’t help that all the while, Bruce has been wrestling with his own uncertainty as to whether to go back to being Batman now that Dick’s safe again and the combined might of the Justice League and Titans have followed his escape route back to the Court and come down on it with extreme zeal. Or whether he even wants to, anymore, if he can justify the risks it includes while now a father in truth not just to Dick but four other kids too (and yes, Damian exists in this AU, he’s just not here yet). He doesn’t want to leave any of his kids without a father, and even more than that, he doesn’t want any of the others following in his and Dick’s footsteps, which also plays a factor in freaking out at Dick’s quick return to a mask.

But he can’t deny that he does miss it too, and more importantly, he misses the way he and Dick used to understand each other without a word, in perfect sync as they swung over the city together. He can’t help but feel like it would be so much easier for him and Dick to understand each other, communicate with each other, if they were back on the same page even if just for one night for old time’s sake. And also he worries about Dick maybe growing to resent his siblings if he feels like they’re the only reason he won’t go back to being Batman, he won’t let there ever be a Batman and Robin again....which then startles him into worrying that on some level he’s afraid of growing to resent his other kids for being the reason not to do that. And around and around and around it goes.

And then the other kids figure it out in their own ways and everything really blows up.

And its hard and messy and painful and nothing short or easily fixed. And there are no good choices or easy choices or right choices. Just a lot of good people trying to make the most good come out of the most bad, and not a clue what that actually means or looks like, let alone how to go about it. 

Ultimately, its Dick at age 19, coming of age in the most unconventional of ways, trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be after everything that’s happened, and dragging his whole family along for the ride as they’re all forced to ask the same question and then compare notes and hope that even if they’re not all on the same page, they’re all at least somewhere to be found in the same book.

Its about how you can’t go home again....even when home is exactly where you left it, and everything looks exactly the same but everything is different and nothing and no one will ever be the same ever again.

But that doesn’t mean the trek isn’t worth making, because sometimes the only way to make it forward to who you want to be now....is to first go back to where you last were when last you trusted who you were and what you wanted. So you can make your peace with leaving that road untraveled before finding your new direction and setting forth on that road instead.

*Shrugs* So yeah, that’s my ideal Court of Owls related fic. “Where Last We Left Off.”

Not quite the kind of fic you were describing, lol, but I do seem to insist on being unconventional with my takes, lmao.

[batbootie]

My hands on your hearts -chap.2

Damian was bored. Out of his mind, left counting the holes on the ceiling, that bored students like him did with a ruler and an ink refill. Boredom was recurrent whenever he is at school, because no one can match his intelligence, even the teachers. The most of them can’t even resolve a three-degree equation without the help of a calculator.  He was raised since birth to rule, and he will be going to inherit the leadership of Wayne enterprises anyway, so there is no need for him to learn anymore. And to go to school for that matter. Really, what kind of school has no adaptation program for children who clearly are way superior then the average student?

But today, his boredom was reaching new heights. If boredom even has a level. Economy class was a, as Jason so colourfully puts it, pain in the left nut, because he already knew everything on the subject of the horizontal division of work from Adam Smith and its consequences on the society, but the teacher decided that, even though his grades showed that he clearly had the level of a university student, he should stay in class to try and socialise with the others.

Clearly, M. Judas had a chat with Father or Grayson. Traitor.  So, Damian was left glaring at the clock or at the teacher, urging for the class to end so that everybody, mainly him, could get on with their lives. He had started drawing a while ago, but even his imagination was bored. He couldn’t even get inspired by his surroundings, because school was boring even his imagination. He had drawn all his classmates, and his sketches were all about school, complete blueprints of the building’s structure and how many escapes routes existed. It was so uninteresting that despite the correctness of the sketch and the ideas for escape, Mother would be ashamed to see that his child was incapable to stay focused for more than 10 minutes or that he was not murdering them for boring him to death.

Sighing, Damian let his pencil roll out of his hand, wishing that he was anywhere but here, or that something interesting would happen in the course of the next three minutes. If nothing occurred in this time lapse, then he would come up with a shitty excuse, like a Father had a ski accident kind of lame excuse, even though that one was getting old, and go straight back to the Manor, to continue his work on the drug shipment case or search an idea for a gift, to offer at Jason’s birthday.

He already had everything planned for Grayson’s. For Drake, on the other hand, it clearly was a challenge. Because he knew next to nothing about Drake, except that he considered sleep like a distraction and that he’s a genius. But Damian was trying to make amend for some time now, and the only way to show Drake that he meant what he said back then. Back when he realised that he had grown to love his brother and that trying to murder his adopted brother was not how he would be accepted by Father or the entire family, even Cass disapproved his behaviour, or even a way to show love. But because Drake was a mastermind, he wouldn’t believe a word Damian said as an apology. So showing through actions, kind gestures was the plan. And what best opportunity is it then a birthday gift?

Even Grayson didn’t know about his change of heart. If he did, Damian wouldn’t have lived that down and Drake would’ve suspected something fishy. And he would lose all kind of credibility to make amend.

Hearing a forced cough, Damian came back to the sombre reality, realising that he was still in the classroom, and that the three minutes were up. Leaning to the side, he was ready to snatch his backpack and leave this smelly room full of goons in a matter of seconds when M. Judas decided to use this very moment to stand in front of the class and start speaking with a stern voice, eyeing carefully every student and quirking an eyebrow at Damian, clearly seeing that he had no intention whatsoever to stay.

“Okay everyone! I know some of you are impatient to leave for your Geometry class, but before the hour is up and I give you homework, I have some announcements to make. First of all, there was a change in the school policy, thanks to a reorganisation on the teacher’s level. As some of you may know, some teachers overlooked the actions of bullies, rich ones particularly, deciding to turn a blind eye and let things happen. But not anymore. You need to know that this is unacceptable, and will be punished, should you be a perpetrator or only a bystander. If anything of this nature occurs, I want to be informed, because if I don’t know anything, then I won’t be able to help you. Is that understood?”

The class hummed a half-hearted affirmation, some students clearly not believing that this new policy would change anything and deciding to continue their little games of pushing around the weaker students. Damian rolled his eyes, because really? This decision came from a good intention, but any students that would decide to take the teachers upon their offer will end up ostracised, being an even bigger target.

“Secondly, there’s a new student coming in today.”

The silence in the classroom was broken, the students starting to buzz with energy, eager to meet a new classmate -or a new victim, depending on the person-. Murmurs spread, questioning on the new student’s identity. Damian perked his head up in interest, letting his backpack fall to the floor and leaning in, something finally happening that would maybe enlighten his day. The teacher decided to open the door and stretched his neck in the corridor, calling and motioning for someone to come in.

The tension was palpable, like lions getting ready for the innocent lamb that would inevitably be thrown in. Finally, a hunched form made its way to the front, hiding behind the teacher’s back, the hoodie on its head and completely drenched in rainwater. M. Judas turned around as they came to a stop on their way to the teacher’s desk and whispered something to the new student, probably trying to encourage them and reassure them that nothing bad is going to happen. As if he can protect them from it, heh. He then stepped aside and let the class take the new student in.

Freckles. And scared. Those two elements jump in front of Damian’s mind as he takes the appearance of the new student, a girl, or a boy? They look androgynous. The next ten seconds are spent in silence, as the student shuffles with their hoodie, trying to hide their nervousness. A big breath, and they finally speak, catching everybody off guard by pushing off their hoodie. “Hello. My name is Isaac. I’m fourteen, like the most of you. I transferred here because my family had a job offer in Gotham and now I see why it was so well payed. I hope that we will understand each other and get along well. I am pleased to meet you.”

His voice. He is fourteen, but his voice has already cracked and is in a lower tune then the teacher’s. Damian is puzzled. His stance clearly shows that he is near a panic attack, ready to bolt out of the classroom should anything go wrong, but his voice is perfectly controlled. No wavering because of the nervousness, just a low tone hitting all the notes, in a perfect rhythm. The class is mesmerized, everybody’s jaws is on the floor –the teacher and Damian alike-  looking at what seems like the perfect embodiment of the absolute pitch, even being slightly awkward.  

With that, the boy, Isaac, his name’s Isaac, blushes furiously and quickly goes to his seat, to only stand awkwardly in the alley when he realises that he has none. “Hum… M. Judas? Where should I sit?”

The teacher shakes himself after being asked that question, but can only motion to an empty area near the window, next to Damian, with an incoherent gibberish. Clearly, if the teacher had all his brain cells functioning normally, he would’ve put Isaac at the extreme opposite, but no, Damian is stuck with Isaac for the rest of the year.

Damian shrugs himself out of the magic Isaac’s voice induced. Furious, verging to kill and hide the body kind of anger, without crossing that line in reality (really), he felt attacked by the teacher to consider him appropriate for the new student to sit beside him. Even if Isaac is a new kid, it doesn’t mean that he, Damian Al Ghul Wayne, has to give up the privilege of sitting alone and not have to be annoyed by unnecessary gossip other students love to share. Sitting down, Isaac looks Damian dead in the eye until Damian snaps, “What?” He just shrugs before looking down to his backpack, taking out a pen and a piece of paper before answering him, “Nothing, just don’t kill me.”

Don’t kill me? Why would I? Except getting on my nerves, I have no reason to legitimately kill you.

Damian quirked an eyebrow at Isaac, surprised by the last sentence, that had been said with gravity, absolutely no jokes in there. The tone was still controlled, like during his little speech in front of the class, but was tenser than before, if that was even possible. In fact, after Isaac had spoken, he avoided any eye contact with the Wayne sitting beside him, going to the extent to turn partially his back on him.

Perplexed, Damian shifted in his seat, to see Isaac flinch so slightly that without his training, he would’ve missed it. He taped his pencil on the side of the table and then on his sketchbook, observing Isaac for this experiment. For every sound, the boy moved, crocking his head to the side at the first tap before relaxing slightly after associating the sound with a pencil when he reproduced it on his own pencil case. Isaac was giving Damian his undivided attention, but without looking at him.

Damian’s eyebrow shot to his hairline when he realised that his new classmate was using a technique to get him to relax. With a behaviour that screamed ‘nothing to see, so not a threat here’ with his back turned on him, Isaac was exposing the back of his neck to Damian, in a sign of peace. He was trusting the Wayne not to kill him, like he asked. That kind of behaviour spoke to the animal that was walking alongside the rational part of the brain, sharing with each other the human skin. This gesture was like coming up to someone with the hands wide open, arms free, torso unprotected, but Damian wouldn’t have trusted such stance, because hands were as deadly as weapon. But how Isaac was sitting didn’t allow him to move quickly enough to make a move on Damian or to defend himself should Damian decide to attack. The power of decision was in the hand of the fifth Robin, even though Isaac was clearly following every of his movements, not being stupid enough to trust him on an intimate level.

Damian was intrigued. Clearly, Isaac thought that Damian was enough a threat that he should make clear on an instinctual basis that he wasn’t there to threaten him. So it meant that he was completely serious back then, when he asked not to kill him. He truly believed that Damian had already killed, and that he may consider him a threat and decide to eliminate him. But he wasn’t submitting to his strength, merely offering an olives branch. If he wanted acknowledge Damian’s ‘dominance’ and show that he was situating himself below him, then he would’ve exposed his throat and heart, making Damian’s life easier if he wanted to rip his throat out.  

They stayed like this for three minutes or more, in complete silence, Isaac still turning his back on Damian but assessing the threat he represented and Damian weighting the pros and cons. Finally, he sighed, “-Tt- I don’t kill, so there is no need to bare your neck and pray for the best. I’m not going to begin with such a low-life like you. You don’t even have a last name, Isaac.” Isaac’s back relaxed completely, his shoulders slopping down. He turned to Damian, still not looking at him in the eye, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. “Hey, I mean, you were going all Silence of the lambs on me, so you can’t blame a boy for trying his best to avoid a bloodshed, especially if he’s the one who’s going to end bolognesed. Man, red was all over the place. And it was buzzing like crazy, with the war tambours out.” He shuddered visibly, and scratched his ear, as if trying to get rid of an annoying sound. “Why were you angry?”

Damian scoffed, annoyed that he pinpointed that out, even through his mask of the annoyed but perfect student, and escaped the question “Red?”. He did not grasp completely why his new tablemate used the term red to describe the situation.

Isaac just shrugged, oblivious of the boy’s glare, “Yeah, red, like all over your hands and hair when you first looked at me.” Before Damian asked even further questions, he suddenly turned around to face the Wayne heir, as he calls himself. Isaac’s body was facing him, but he still didn’t look at him in the eye, instead tilting his head to the side to signify that he was listening to Damian’s move. He continued when he understood that Damian was staying dead silent on purpose, just to throw him off and make him forget about his initial question, “Right now, red is draped around your eyes and your mouth, and you’re just fucking with me.”

Before Damian could ask him the how and why Isaac could see something like colours around people, the new one just flat turned back on his chair and focused on the teacher, whispering a quick “Anyway, nice chat. I have to concentrate on the course because I don’t want to fall any further behind in Economics. Cool to meet you, Damian, even if I don’t know your last name.” And forgetting in a matter of seconds Damian’s existence.

The Wayne was left fuming, the deepest scowl on his face anybody in the school had ever seen, trying to untangle all the information Isaac let slip and trying also to cover his bruised ego at the other boy’s capacity to ignore him successfully, even when he was glaring holes in the back of his skull.  

First, rude. And second, how in the world can you NOT know me, you baboon? Did you live in a jar for the last 40 years to not know the Waynes?! We are worldly famous for Father’s shenanigans as Brucie (and the ones from his family, but let’s not dwell upon that). Isaac did not lie when he said that he did not know them, they were no signs of it. No muscles contraction, no dilated pupils, nothing. He was truly ignorant.

Even more perplexed, Damian resumed his doodling from before and began to chew on the mystery Isaac was beginning to become. The guy came from nowhere, was seeing colours in places that didn’t exist in this reality realm, had the behaviour of an animal in order to prevent any unfortunate dismemberment and finally was rude. That smelled trouble, in capital letters. Damian observed Isaac closely, and by the way he was crouched on his chair and listening to the teacher, he seemed like he couldn’t hurt a fly. But appearance could be really deceiving, so Damian decided to keep an eye on the new walking mystery for the sake of his sanity and to push away his boredom. He didn’t trust Isaac to not bring some crazy ass monsters straight from Allah knows where. Maybe it was his paranoia speaking, but anything new meant more than he liked something bad coming, and he wasn’t about to take any chances.

Economy class went without any incidents, but Isaac sent Damian a few glances in Philosophy class every time the teacher -this teacher got on Damian’s nerves more than others because of this attitude of considering that his words equalled God’s word and therefore should not be questioned- spewed some bullshit about artists being prostitutes, selling themselves through their artwork and desperately trying to lure people and get their attention, or started yelling at some students because they didn’t highlight in the right colour. And to be honest, his mood only worsened when he discovered that Isaac had decided to sit next to him for every class they had together, much to their classmates’ surprise (they expected –and for some of them, hoped- for a public execution at the second the economy class was over)

During lunch, he observed from afar, and could analyse the interactions Isaac had with some other students. He was clearly guarded around them, talking gladly with them, offering a smile, but anytime someone new approached or one made a grand gesture, he was immediately wary and tensed. He stared at every person when they were talking, clearly assessing their threat level, but avoided eye contact at any cost. He refused to look at them when talking to them, preferring to turn an ear to them or the discussion- much like he did with Damian at their first meeting-.

Surprisingly, even with bullies that only made contact to get a taste of a potential victim, he relaxed after a few seconds of interaction and didn’t pull the same stunt he did with Damian. Unsurprisingly enough, the behaviour of his classmates changed when the discussion came to colours he was seeing around people. Some of them were clearly uncomfortable, thinking that this poor dude had not all mugs on the shelf, as he showed them where the colour should be. But none of them asked what the position of the colour meant, and Isaac never offered an explanation.

School life and rules obliged, because Isaac was a bit out of the box as normal, and because of his apparition during the middle of the year, all added with his behaviour, he was quickly labelled freak, like Damian – though not with the mention dangerous, can dislocate a shoulder without blinking- and was left mostly alone. People came to talk to him about work he had to catch up with or just small talk, but beyond exchanging names or homework, everybody stayed away from him. Something set them off about Isaac. Meanwhile Damian ignored him in class, even when Isaac tried to talk to him about uninteresting matters, but watched him from afar during lunch, PE, basically every time he could, and took notes of anything weird on a villainous level.

But quickly, it became not enough. Damian’ paranoia was leaving him awake at night, wondering if this new boy was the calm before the storm, ready to shred them to pieces. He had to pierce this mystery, or he would end up with grey hair before his puberty.

The best strategy became clear: he would put Isaac under constant surveillance, at school and at home. He hacked the school servers to retrieve an address, learning Isaac’s last name: Menourem. There was no mention of any parents of any kind in Isaac’s file, just a sister, Elilian. He broke in during school hours, knowing that nobody would be there, Isaac’s sister working from 7am to 8pm every day and Isaac himself being at school. He bugged the whole apartment, placing cameras in every room – not forgetting the bathroom, even if he didn’t want to have the image of Isaac taking a shit on his camera feed-  and designed his patrol route so that he would pass on the rooftop in front of Isaac’s bedroom. He would then watch Isaac and his sister have a complete normal life.

His brothers picked up on his change of route and Father confronted him about it, but he quickly dismissed his worries, saying that he had saved someone during patrol and they had asked to keep an eye on them, scared that whatever monster attacked them would come back if Robin wasn’t there. And him being the white knight on the mighty horse that he was immediately agreed. He got teased for it, but it was better than having his brothers snoop around and have at the end to explain himself to them when they would see that he was stalking the perfect little civil Isaac was.

Himself thought that way too, but just to be sure, he stalked him even harder, going to the extent of mapping his whole movements, following him to his dance courses and taekwondo training for the whole week. The only one in the loop was Alfred, who merely arched an eyebrow when he got a call from Damian asking to be picked up near the sports club, in the pouring rain, to only respond that he was already on his way.

Pennyworth knew all along. Is he sentient? I know Father tested him for any mutant genes, but his deductive abilities are humanly impossible. He nearly resembles Sherlock Holmes, without the annoying doctor at his side.  

Disappointed that nothing crispy was going on, but reassured that it meant nothing dangerous would be dumped on them, he continued his nightly surveillance for about a week just to be sure, and ignored him at school.

But Isaac didn’t hear it that way. School went on his nerves, aggravated by the change of scenery and all of the new people, making fun him while his back was turned. So when he saw Damian not even casting a glance in his direction when he greeted him at the beginning of Philosophy class on Monday, he snapped. Slumping in his chair, he took out his notebook, angry, trying to reign his temper before he would explode. Damian, being the fine detective that he was, frowned at his tensed shoulders and the anger radiating from his persona, even with his breath controlled. Normally, everything should be fine, Isaac didn’t see his sister in the morning, because she normally left for work early as always but they shared a civil meal the evening before, Damian knew, because he was watching over them. Maybe in the bus, he was run over by an old lady and her rollator. The fifth Robin was perplex, but he didn’t really care if Isaac was angry, if it only meant that he would leave him alone.

The class began, the teacher spewing nonsense as always. Isaac waited for the teacher to start a rant about the Oedipus complex, and how much we are fucked up in our heads because we were part of a love triangle early in our lives, before turning partially to Damian and whisper-scream “Are you bloody bipolar?!”

Damian blinked, not really understanding why Isaac’s anger was directed at him and enjoying the slip in the most British accent he ever heard, aside from Pennyworth’s. Surely he left the new one alone, so why should he be angry? Avoiding as always eye contact, Isaac got the confirmation that Damian was not going to talk when the Wayne tapped his pen on his paper, and continued, getting even angrier, “I told you that I wasn’t a threat and that I wasn’t here to do you harm, so, here comes my question… WHY?!”

“-Tt- What are you talking about? I left you alo-”

“No, you didn’t! Watching me from afar in school, noting every strange behaviour – which, by the way, must be hard, because my face is next the definition of strange in the dictionary- is not leaving me alone. But school I understand, you want to have every bits of information about your new classmate. Won’t blame you for paranoia, in this city. What I don’t really understand is stalking me. Like, really?!! Following me home? Lurking on a rooftop, watching me in my bedroom like a bloody weirdo?!?!”

“Again, what are you talking about? Is that a new technique to try and get my attention? If it is, then take a ticket and wait in the line. I have other things to do then paying attention to an extra.”

“Really, Wayne? We’re going down this road? Okay, then how do you explain the boy I saw Wednesday evening, just in front of my window, with the same height, same body mass – I saw you jump in sports class and the sound of the landing was the same, so proof- and same shoe size than you? Hell, I can just do a DNA test on the hair I found when I went to check I wasn’t hallucinating. What will the results be? A 100% match maybe?!”

From annoyed, Damian went to deadly in matter of seconds. In a blink, his knife was drawn – which slipped Grayson’s thorough search and patting this morning, thank you very much- and the sharp end went to Isaac’s thumb and sliced. Blood pearled and Isaac withdrew his hand, hissing, more surprised by the location – he thought that Damian would’ve gone for the throat and ask question later- than in pain. Standing up, the Wayne boy took him by the arm and forcefully hauled him up, managing to get everybody’s attention. Turning to the teacher without letting go of his arm, he declared in a flat tone, “He cut himself on the edge of the table. I’ll show him the infirmary, because I don’t think anyone already has.”, and looking at Isaac, “Now come, you fool, I don’t want to have your DNA on my papers.”

Isaac snorted and murmured, “Like you don’t have some on your knife to test it...”

They exited the classroom together, with everybody’s eyebrow shooting up to their hairlines. They walked a few meters and left the main hallway, turning left to the administrator section, which was less frequented.

As soon as they disappeared in the hallway, Damian slammed Isaac against the wall, putting the knife against his throat. “What. Are. You. Talking. About.”, he hissed, blocking Isaac’s airways for a brief moment, to make him understand the precarious situation he was currently in. Isaac merely relaxed and sarcastically quirked an eyebrow, looking away from Damian’s face as soon as the fifth Robin came too close for comfort, “What am I talking about? Oh, I don’t know, how about you sweeping through my flat, putting bugs and cameras in every corner, invading my privacy and my sister’s?! See, when I spotted you, I wasn’t so sure, but honestly, Robin doesn’t just do surveillance from a window. He bugs you, inspect all your accounts, learns everything about your life. I’m also talking about you wearing a bloody neon costume, lurking at my window, watching ME! I would’ve been flattered if I wasn’t so pissed that I had to abstain from jerking off for two whole weeks!”

Damian must’ve made a face, because Isaac sighed and whispered, “TMI?”

The knife was pressing even harder, threatening once again Isaac’s blood vessels, and restricting his movements so, that if he tried to move, he would end up with the imprint of the blade in his flesh, making a smile like scar on his Adam’s apple. “How.”, was the only word he was able to get out of his gritted teeth, already hearing the shame and anger in Father’s voice when he would announce that he got busted by a classmate he stalked. Mother was screaming in his head to kill him and let the body be a feast for the fishes of Gotham City. Isaac’s stance relaxed even further, going as far as wrap his hands around Damian’s wrist to show them and leaning more comfortably against the wall. “Dude, you said you don’t kill. But I know for a fact that you did before- Robin is infamous like that-, so why not pull out the knife before anybody sees us. I am way too angry at you to hug you in order to hide this wonderfully made slicing object.”

“I am seriously reconsidering my no killing rule, so do not test my patience with witty banter. Answer. How?”

Isaac only smiled, a confident smile, “I can see your battle with your blood lust. Not killing is harder than you thought, but right now, red is not around your eyes, so you’re not losing your shit. Yeay, win. So you won’t kill me – or anyone for that matter- today. Applause.”

Again with the Red, Damian was lost. Isaac had seen perfectly what had happened in his mind and pinpointed that out with the use of a colour. The fifth Robin was getting suspicious that the colours had something to do with his revealed identity, even though it seemed clearly unbelievable. During his search in the Merounem’s apartment, he didn’t find any sign of magic or suspicious furniture, - Isaac’s sister only having weird taste in decoration-  which lead him to think that Isaac was indeed crazy. Clearly, he was wrong.

Seeing that Damian had no intention of moving any time soon, Isaac shrugged and tightened his grip on Damian’s wrist and pushed the knife a tiny bit away from his throat and tilted his head, eyeing the floor thoughtfully. He then looked at the ceiling, “I know. Follow me and I’ll explain how I knew it was you beneath the hoodie. And then you can take out all the bugs and cameras you put in our flat, before we go completely Ghostbusters and fry them.”

Damian was not trusting him, but after everything Isaac had said and done to signify that he wasn’t a threat, nor willing to be taken as one in the future, he decided that he was smart and trained enough to handle any unexpected situation. Pocketing his knife, he motioned for the new boy to lead the way, glaring at him for good measure. Much to his surprise, they exited the school by signing themselves out, using the skiing excuse for Damian and a cold for Isaac, and hit the streets. The walk went on without any sound from each other, Damian growing more and more curious and wary at Isaac, who was seemingly perfectly fine with leaving him in the dark. As they walked nearby a bakery, Damian finally recognised the neighbourhood – he took this route when following Isaac home, the first time he got out. - Knowing now where they were heading, Damian was only left wondering why. But when Isaac opened the door to his apartment, the truth slapped him in the face like Barbara did when he accidently tripped a wire and sent the nest on lockdown.

Colours. They were colours everywhere. The first time he came in, he didn’t pay attention to all the nuances on the walls and around the furniture, to busy searching for information. But now that he was invited, he could look up and take in all the undertones of beiges and whites of the living room and the ceiling, how the black of the piano on the corner and all smoky colours of the other instruments lying in different corners of the room brought out the sofa and the table near the kitchen area. It was like a wool sweater with a collared neck and décolleté that succeeded to underline elegantly the breasts of the wearer and her figure, giving it a respectable atmosphere and kind of homey. There were plants everywhere, with flowers popping out, in different colours and shapes. Damian, as an artist, was slapping himself for not seeing it the first time he came here. But it was understandable, because he came here as Robin in the skin of Damian, and not as the artist that popped in whenever he was safe and alone in his room, free to draw whatever he wanted.

Isaac laughed and Damian realised that he had been staring. Adverting his eyes as soon as the Wayne boy set his own on him, Isaac motioned with his hand to follow him further into the place. Picking up his jaw left on the floor, Damian followed him into his room, to be awestruck for a second time – bitch slapping himself for the second time today -. Like the living room, Isaac’s bedroom was all about nuances and glimpses of warm and cold colours in unexpected places. Brown and green were dominant, with the bed and the wooden table in warm brown, and the sheets and the three stripes on the wall to be a pine green, with blue pooping up on the walls with photos and some purple picking out from his underwear drawer. The room was lit up by the dull sun from Gotham, blocked by all of the pollution, and gave a peaceful atmosphere when Isaac stood in the middle. He looked surreal, and Damian only wanted to sit down and draw him, to capture this moment out of time, purely human and truly beautiful.

The moment was broken as Isaac reached out for his chair. Damian had it preciously stashed in his memory to try to recreate it later. But the moment turned from beauty to pure confusion as he watched Isaac frantically beginning to search through his desk drawers, pulling out papers and papers filled with crap – doodles of the philosophy professor, one of what he did not want to believe was a caricature of him with snots running down his nose- before coming to a sketchbook that wasn’t there when Damian searched the room. Pulling it out, Isaac sat down on the floor and looked up to Damian, only to advert his eyes when he met his. “I think you’re beginning to understand, but I’ll give you the final proof that will maybe the last nail to my coffin if you decide that I’m a threat and make me disappear form the face of Mother Earth. Without killing me, sure.” He then reached out his hand holding his sketchbook and gave it to Damian, who opened it, perplex of why Isaac was giving him his clearly most precious belonging, giving himself bare to the scrutiny of Damian’s mind.

Curious and more excited than he would admit, Damian opened it and refrained his desires to let his jaw fall to the floor –for the third time today, seriously honey, could it stop?!-  and to bolt at Isaac to kill him. In the sketchbook were drawings of him. Not just him as Damian, but also him as Robin. On the first page were two drawing, looking almost like pictures: His face as Damian, looking bored, probably drawn from a memory of History class, and his face as Robin, hood down and domino mask on. The shades and contours lines were put in the same places and the two drawing, minus the domino, looked identical. But the interesting part was the colour on it. His faces were done with a pencil, and the shades too. But droplets of colour were on it. As a civil, red was around his mouth and eyes, while as a vigilante, red was around his hair and ears. Red.

“You said you saw red the first time we met.”  

“Yeah, and it was around your hair and ears, like something bad was whispering to you, or just anger was showing through.”

“This is how you found out?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Thing is, those places are general for all people. If someone’s angry, then it’ll show like it showed on you, same places. But what gave it away was the colour. Everybody has a unique colour and that’s how I recognised you, Damian Wayne, as Robin. You were going all weirdo under my window, and if it wasn’t for the colour, I wouldn’t have spotted you. It’s pretty weird to recognise your table neighbour as one of the famous thigh clad vigilante, lurking in the dark like the roof top is your playground. Every colour has its nuances, and for you I used #eb1523, but around your stomach there’s another nuance, duller and sombre, almost like #70060d.” Damian took a short breath at the mention of his stomach, but Isaac continued, undaunted, “The colour of blood. That’s weird, ‘cause I’ve never seen something like this before.”

So it meant that Isaac was a mutant. No doubt. An a dangerous one for that matter.

“You’re a meta.” His voice was cold, weighing if yes or no he should tell Father about new metas roaming Gotham. One that could bust out his identity by one look.

Isaac tilted his head on the right side and smiled, “Naaa, not it this sense. When you recognise someone on the streets, I recognise a colour. Same difference, our brains are just not made the same. I’m no mutant with a radar, I just associate things differently than you do. But I don’t know why I see two colours on you. Maybe someone who left an impact on you… I dunno. ”

Isaac seemed content with his explication, and did not look curious as why another colour was lingering on his body. His stomach. The pain flared as he remembered his death by the hand of his mother, obscuring his vision. It had been the worst moment of his life (pun intended).

What had really pushed him metaphorically on his knees was the realisation that he wouldn’t be able to help Father anymore. That he wouldn’t be there to ensure that Father would not kill, him and Todd taking that decision for him, taking out some villains permanently in order to keep their father’s sanity. If Father lost his moral compass, then they were all doomed, because once you tasted blood, there was no coming back, not really. Todd understood now why Batman couldn’t kill, but it didn’t mean that they couldn’t kill for him. Grayson turned a blind eye and sometimes Tim provided the targets.

But knowing that they would have to continue without him, that he wouldn’t be there anymore, it had struck him. That he wouldn’t be there to enjoy the company of Alfred, with some Earl Grey and Pennyworth on his lap, purring. That he wouldn’t be able to put his fist in the face of the goons they fought every night. That he wouldn’t see Father smile at Superman and Wonder Woman like they were the most precious thing he ever had the chance to hold. Like Jason looked at Dick whenever he thought that no one was looking. Selfishly, he thought that he was too young to die, had too many things he had now the right to explore to be run through by a katana.

Coming back to reality when a hand waved in front of him, he snapped his eyes back at Isaac, who was wearing a concerned face. “What?” he spat, clearly not over the fact that a civilian had discovered his identity and was now concerned.

“You okay? I have the feeling you went in a bad place of your memories, ‘cause the red on your stomach started to spread.”

Oh right. Colours. Seriously, it was starting to get kind of annoying. Those colours were like an emotional state detector and it was unnerving to know that a stranger could read all his emotions by just looking at the colour on his body. Scowling, he sighed, “I am well, no need to dump your worries on me.”

Isaac just snorted, disbelieving. An awkward silence settled, the two boys not knowing what to say anymore. Everything had blown off, they had nothing more to discuss. Damian wanted to go back home to figure his next move about Isaac – maybe locking him away to make sure that he wasn’t about to hand him to the cops, or someone worse for that matter- and take a nap before patrol. Standing up, Isaac handed him his hand to help him up and turned at his face him for the first time of the day, eyes glued on a point over Damian’s head. “You know what? I think you’ll want to keep an eye on me, secret identity yada yada, so why not be friends? That way you can drop the creepy act and I’ll have a conversation partner in school. Win-win situation.”

Damian wanted to laugh at his face. Him, a friend? Had Isaac really gone insane for him to ask that? And also, he hadn’t ignored him for a while to now become friends with him. That would absolutely be counterproductive. But seeing Isaac stare nervously in the space them, he doubted his judgement for the first time today.

That was way too simple. Or maybe not, Kent had done the same and they were now on ‘friendly’ terms. But the situations were different. Kent was an alien with superpowers that fought alongside him, while Isaac was a stranger that busted his identity in no time with some weird brain powers. It smelled trouble, and Damian wasn’t sure this would be a good idea. But he had come a long way from the antisocial brat he once was, being rude, seeing friends as a liability more than a strength and he had to admit, Isaac was getting more and more interesting. So if this contract allowed Damian to keep his surveillance without getting caught, then he would maybe give it a shot.  “-Tt- Alright, your idea merits considering. But keep your bragging to a minimum or it won’t be viable anymore.”, he said, standing up on his own, refusing Isaac’s hand, who let it drop at his side with a slight frown.

“You are so weird, Damian.”, muttered Isaac so quietly that Damian didn’t pick it up. He then went in front of him to lead him out of his room, shouting at him before exiting for the bathroom, drowning him in a flow of question before locking the door. “You like hyperrealism? Oh and there’s coffee under the counter. Put it in the coffee maker and start it, I think I need a cup to celebrate our newly sealed friendship. Surely you want one as well, don’t you Wayne? Do you even know how to make coffe?”

Damian almost smiled at the absurdity of it all. Almost.

Boom, there ya go. Second chapter. find me on Ao3 under Neverask, or with the name of this story. 

Do not reupload to another site without my consent. If you do, I will find you and I will send Wade after your ass. He’s very fond of the spider I’m bringing to the team.

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

Title: from dust, arisen Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne (also ft. Dick Grayson and Tim Drake) Summary: When Jason is fifteen, he almost dies. Now, he grapples with the life he still has. (Jason Lives AU) (ao3)

I...got tired of opening this periodically from my incomplete Google docs over the past two years so...here we go. Will (maybe, hopefully) turn into a series of vignettes. Timeline is intended to make as much sense as possible but...comics. 

When Jason is fifteen, he almost dies. It takes half a year to recover fully, his breath rattling against broken ribs and raw throat. He was protected, mostly, from the blast and has only minor burns, but his right arm is broken and so is his left leg, his shoulder dislocated, he needs stitches in multiple places, and he’s covered in bruises. He has a concussion, too, but he’s alive, and he almost wasn’t.

He’s confined to his bed for weeks. Bruce and Alfred hover. Dick’s there sometimes too. He feels suffocated, near the end, but mostly he’s too exhausted to care.

When he starts getting bored and antsy, Dick brings over video games and movies and little 5lb weights.

“I can only use my one arm,” Jason tells him mournfully. “The right one is already smaller. I can feel it.”

Dick makes a face at him as he wiggles the fingers on his left hand. Says, “Well it’ll just have some catching up to do when you get that cast off.”

“And 5lbs are for babies,” Jason adds.

“Guess you’re a baby,” Dick says and sticks his tongue out him.

Neither mention he’s still sore enough that he can’t lift even the 5lb weight for very long.

But he can handle a control with his cast, so Dick tosses him one and they race cars and beat up bad guys and aliens and shoot terrorists. Dick even, Jason swears to God, brings him over some dumb as shit Harvest Moon game.

“For when I’m not here,” Dick tells him. Because when he’s not here Jason reads a lot, but there’s only so much you can read, and he alternates between being restless, bored beyond imagining, and, well, kind of depressed.

(Jason beats it and saves his damn stupid farm three times before his bed rest is over; his cows love him.)

Mostly Jason is just glad Dick isn’t looking at him like he might still drop dead at any minute, all furrowed eyebrows and blank faced like Bruce or downturned, concerned lips like Alfred. Dick laughs and jostles Jason’s shoulder, gentler than he would ordinarily, but at least he knows Jason isn’t going to fucking break.

Jason gathers that Dick is staying at the Manor again but he’s still fighting with Bruce. They rarely visit Jason at the same time, and when one comes in, the other gets all tight and excuses himself after a few minutes. Jason suspects they’re fighting about him.

He doesn’t ask. Dick doesn’t say anything.

They don’t talk about what happened.

********

Jason begs Bruce to let him back in the field for a month. He gives it some time, after he’s up and about, goes to his physical therapy when his casts come off, but Bruce still says no. No. Flat. That’s it.

Jason trains harder. He knows he’s not 100%. He knows he’s chubbier, slower, that he’s out of practice.

He knows Bruce doesn’t trust him anymore.  Not after…

It only takes a month for him to get fed up with being left behind. He sits in the Cave as Batman leaves, pretending to look at the notes of the case Bruce has left him. A consolation prize, he rolls his eyes. Something shiny to distract him.

He waits a half an hour, and then gets ready. He realizes, quickly, that he doesn’t actually have a Robin suit anymore. He flinches, thinking about fabric being ripped from deep wounds, from its tattered remains Bruce didn’t know he’d seen.

He shakes his head and regroups. There’s always one of Dick’s old costumes. Jason’s…not sure he’ll fit in any. His weight has fluctuated so much over the past several months, as he weaned himself off pain meds, got his appetite back, sat around unable to do anything, threw himself back into his work-outs as soon as he could, got told off for working too hard when he was still in recovery.

Besides, Dick has always been slender. At fifteen, Jason isn’t done growing, but he’s already almost as tall as Dick and a little broader.

He could always go out in his civvies and a mask, but—

--the Joker can’t take Robin from him.

Batman actually falters when he sees Robin. Almost gets hit in the jaw for it, but recovers in time to duck. Jason jumps. They’re only some low level thugs. Small fry. He could have been helping all along.

He tells Batman so. Batman just looks at him for a long time. Long enough Jason wants to fidget, but he doesn’t. He holds his head up, clenches his jaw. Defiant. He can wait out Bruce.

Batman turns and walks away. But he doesn’t tell Jason to go home. Jason follows.

He guesses it’s a start.

********

“He’s stuck in that moment where he almost didn’t get to you in time,” Dick tells him seriously.

He’s come to Dick’s apartment because Batman is suffocating him. He swoops in when Robin doesn’t need him to, nearly breaks the jaws of thugs who so much as say the wrong thing to Robin, follows him too closely. Jason’s going to go insane.

He’s turning sixteen tomorrow. He almost didn’t make it.

Dick shakes his head. “You know how he doesn’t let go of things. I think part of him is going to live in that moment forever.”

Jason’s learned about watershed events. He wonders if Ethiopia is theirs. His and Bruce’s.

“Why are you packing?” he asks abruptly, because he’s interrupted Dick. “Are you moving back home?”

Dick looks guilty, fiddles with the shirt he’s holding bunched up in his hands. “Not exactly. I’m going back to New York.”

To the Titans.

“Why?”

Dick shrugs. “It’s time,” he says. “And I’m failing anyway. Waste of time to stick it out.”

“You’re smart,” Jason snaps. “Fuck, Dick, you’re a detective. How are you failing?”

Dick gives Jason a look. A little surprised at his venom. Jason is too. Finally, he says, “Not all of us our cut out for the college life, kid. Maybe I’m squandering an opportunity I’m lucky to have. But I can’t sit in class all day and not focus on a case I’m working. Or fall asleep because I was out late the night before and was only able to half-ass my homework in an all-nighter.”

Jason doesn’t say anything, but he won’t look at Dick either.

Dick adds, “Anyway, Bruce is driving me crazy, too. Need some space.”

“You didn’t have to come back,” Jason says hotly. His face feels hot, too, and tight.

Dick reaches out and touches his shoulder. “You know,” he says, thoughtfully, when Jason looks up at him. “It’s not really the Titans if there isn’t a Robin on the team.”

********

Jason turns sixteen and Alfred bakes a cake and Dick comes over because he hasn’t left yet (because he maybe kind of sort of hasn’t told Bruce he’s dropping out yet either) and Bruce is looking at Jason in a way that he never has before (at least not where Jason can see) and Jason feels warm for the first time since Ethiopia.

********

He has to repeat tenth grade. Alfred suggests, gently, homeschooling for the year, but Jason’s missed enough time.

******** “I didn’t die, Bruce!” They’re on opposite sides of the living room from each other and Jason is yelling, his fists clenched, his face splotchy red. 

They’ve been going at it for a while, the room hot and Jason hot, when he finally says it.

Bruce draws up short, and the room chills, and Jason suddenly feels deflated. He clenches his fists, adds quieter, “Stop acting like it.”

Jason doesn’t give him a chance to walk away first. He storms up the stairs to his room. He packs a backpack and leaves through the window. He takes the motorcycle and makes it to New York before morning.

Dick doesn’t ask, but his mouth tightens. He feeds Jason leftover pizza and lets him sleep in his bed. Jason snags a few hours, but he wakes to Dick’s hushed, tense voice speaking into a phone.

“No I don’t—obviously—well, I--,”

He gets up and pads over to where Dick’s hunched over on the couch, throws himself on the ground, leans back on his hands and looks up. Laughs a little to himself at Bruce being the one to do enough talking that Dick can barely get a word in edgewise.

Dick looks up and gives him a stressed little half smile. Mouths Bruce, as if Jason doesn’t know. Jason rolls his eyes to tell him obviously. Dick holds out the phone questioningly, and Jason shakes his head. He doesn’t feel as angry and restless as he did earlier, but he’s not ready to talk to Bruce just yet.

“Sorry, B, he’s still asleep. Yeah, we’ll just hit the City some tomorrow. He’s fine, I promise,” Dick sounds a little annoyed. “Go to bed, I’ll call later.”

Jason kicks Dick’s ankle in thanks and feels a little bad about how exhausted he looks. No one else is here, not even Kory, and Jason wonders if he really interrupted Dick in anything important. A local case or something.

Dick just raises his eyebrows at him. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Fuck, no,” Jason says because he knows Dick won’t reprimand him for his language, like Alfred. And also because he really, really doesn’t.

Dick shrugs. “I’m going to bed then,” he says. He stands up and stretches.  Adds, “You should get some more sleep. I’ll take Kory’s room.”

Dick’s as good as his word to Bruce, and he takes Jason sightseeing in New York. They do the standard tourist things—see the Rockerfeller, the Plaza Hotel, the Brooklyn Bridge. They rent bikes and ride around Central Park. They sit on a bench and eat ice cream and look out at across the water at the Statue of Liberty.

(Jason turns down going to Ellis Island. He’s had enough family history to last a lifetime.)

Dick buys him bagels and pizza and soda and presses cash into the hands of the homeless they pass. He stops and talks sometimes, and Jason watches him. Envies how charming he is, how easy it all seems to come to him. Jason’s sixteen, and he’s not uncool, but he’ll never be Dick Grayson.

They go out into the city that night, as Nightwing and Robin.

The New York skyline is different from Gotham. It’s not their city.

Jason goes back to the Tower early. “So,” Dick says, mid-morning Sunday, over breakfast. Jason’s actually a little impressed with his scrambled eggs; they’re not Alfred level, but they’re pretty decent. “So,” Jason says back because he feels like Dick is evaluating him. Searching him for something. “So,” Dick repeats, rolling his eyes. “You can stay here as long as you want, you know--,” “But,” Jason prompts. “But,” Dick agrees, “I think you should give Bruce a call.” “I’m gonna go back today,” Jason says. He pushes his empty plate away, runs a hand through his hair. “I just needed some space.” Dick smiles sympathetically. “I get it,” he says, Jason tries not to let himself get pissed off because he knows Dick does, knows he and Bruce have spent too many years fighting for Dick to not get it but- -but he didn’t almost die. Because he’s fucking perfect. He didn’t screw up like Jason did. He doesn’t have Bruce breathing down his neck because he can’t trust him. Jason doesn’t say any of that, but somehow, Dick reads it on his face. He leans forward and Jason resists the urge to lean back. “Remember what I said before?” he asks. “About letting go?” Jason nods. Dick’s not helping. “Sometimes, and I know I’m a hypocrite for saying this, but sometimes, you do too.” Jason gets home after Bruce has gone on patrol. He lets Alfred feed him dinner, does a few rounds with a punching bag, showers, and goes to sleep. He wakes up in the dark, red numbers on his clock flashing 4am, a hand brushing the hair out of his face. He almost flinches away, but some part of his brain recognizes that it’s just Bruce and he relaxes. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bruce says, his voice a rough whisper. “’Sokay,” Jason says. He shifts, sits up a little, blinks blearily at Bruce. The fight from Friday lays between them. Bruce doesn’t apologize, but he pulls Jason into a  hug, holds him close. Jason doesn’t apologize, but he snakes his arms around Bruce and squeezes back.

********

He notices the Drake kid tailing Batman and Robin, snapping pictures of them, before Bruce does. He doesn’t see the kid every night, but when he does, he makes sure to do an extra special kick or flip just right or pause a little longer. It’s not posing exactly, but it’s nice to be appreciated. (And Jason won’t lie, he likes the attention.) Also  he’s a little curious to see how long it’ll take Batman to notice. Wonders if he already does and is ignoring it for some reason. It’s not like the kid ever lingers for long or isn’t as sneaky as possible, but Batman is, well, Batman. Jason finally gets a chance to talk to him about a month after he first starts noticing him. Jason’s by himself because, after their fight, he and Bruce are trying this new thing where Bruce lets him go off solo. At least a little bit. Because Jason’s sixteen now and not a kid and he’s not going to— The kid is startled when Robin drops down in front of him. He stumbles and Jason has to reach out to keep him from falling. “So what?” Jason asks. “Journalism class? You the next photographer for the Gazette?” The kid flushes and says “Oh my God” and “I’m sorry” and “Do you think he’ll be mad?” He’s stuttering over his words, and Jason finally takes pity. Says, “Chill out, I don’t care.” He sits down, swings his legs over the edge of the building, leans back on his hands and looks up at the kid. “Your parents know you’re out here?” He hesitates, then admits, “They’re out of town.” “Oh,” Jason says. He gets it. “Just for work,” the kid adds defensively. “They’ll be back.” Jason digs around in his belt and offers the kid a granola bar. He hesitates then takes it. After another moment, he sits down too, away from the edge. Jason leans back on his hands and looks at him, appreciates his mask lets him study without coming off as creepy. Kid’s scrawny, shivering in an overpriced jacket, can’t be older than 13, a giant ass camera hanging around his neck. He breaks the granola bar in half and offers the bigger one to Jason, who takes it. “What’s your name?” Jason asks finally. “Tim,” he says back. Glances up quickly, then back down. Back up again and blurts, “I’m glad you’re back. I wasn’t sure you would be.” Jason doesn’t say me too or me neither, but he wants to.   “You look familiar,” Jason says. “Have we saved you before or something? That why you president of the fan club?” “No,” Tim says absently. “But I’ve been to some galas at Wayne Manor.” There’s a pause where Tim’s eyes widen and Jason stiffens. Then Tim scrambles to his feet saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and Jason leaps up and grabs his arm, demanding, “Who are you and what do you know?” They both still and Tim draws in a deep breath. He lets it out and Jason notices he doesn’t look scared. Nervous, maybe, a little, but not scared. He says, “I figured it out. Who Batman is. A few years back. Well,” he backtracks, “I figured out who the first Robin was and then…everything fell into place.” Jason doesn’t admit he’s a little impressed. He lets go of Tim, sure he isn’t a threat and won’t run. Asks, still a little suspicious, “How’d you do that?” Tim gets this little half-smile on his face and he says, “The quadruple somersault.” “Yeah?” Jason asks. “How’d you make the connection?” “I watched two of the only three people who could do it die,” Tim says. Jason does some quick mental math and says, “No way in hell you remember that.” Tim huffs. “Well, I do,” he snaps. “It was one of the best days of my life. I was with my parents and they managed to let me meet up with the Flying Graysons before the show. They took a picture with me. I didn’t forget.” They’re quiet for a long moment. The moon is almost directly overhead, bright and full. “Are you going to tell him?” Tim asks finally. He slides a glance sideways at Jason, who doesn’t know if he means Bruce or Dick. Jason shakes his head. “Not yet, at least.” “I should go home,” Tim says, but he’s looking down, scuffing his toe across the roof, so Jason says, “Yeah, me too.” They start to part ways, but Tim turn again. “I really am glad you’re back,” he tells Jason. “He was…different without you. It was kinda scary. Batman needs Robin.”

******** Jason can’t get that out of his head. “He was different…it was kinda scary.”  He turns the words around in his head over and over again, until he can’t sleep, thinking about it. He asks Alfred about it, after two days of thinking. Sidles up to him while he’s making sandwiches and soup for lunch. Bruce has to go in for a WE Board meeting (“On a Saturday?” Jason asked horrified and Bruce shrugged. “Guess it’s important. And I maybe missed it on Wednesday.” He winked and was gone.) He takes the knife without a word and starts to cut the sandwiches so Alfred can stir the soup. Tomato basil. “How was Bruce,” he asks abruptly, keeping his eyes focused on the sandwiches, “when I was hurt?” Jason hears the spoon stop stirring, can feel Alfred still next to him. A moment later, the spoon picks up again, slowly. It’s another moment before Alfred clears his throat and says, “He took it very hard. We all did.” “Oh,” Jason says. He keeps looking at the sandwiches even though he’s finished cutting them. He looks up when he feels Alfred’s hand on his shoulder. Alfred is looking at him with fondness and sadness and something else Jason doesn’t know what to call but it fills him up so much he feels tears pricking at his eyes. Alfred cups his face and his hands are warm and wrinkled and soft despite all the labor he’s put into this house over the decades. He says, his voice low with purpose, “You are very dear to him. To me. To Master Richard. I hope you know that.” Jason nods and Alfred lets his hand drop. Gives Jason’s shoulder a pat and says briskly, “Now let’s see about lunch.” He doesn’t ask Dick because he thinks Alfred has sugarcoated or lied to him. It’s only that, he has said very little and he loves Bruce differently than Jason does, the same way he loves Jason—they’re not blind spots, per se, but there’s some sense of duty, some sense of needing to protect. Dick is quiet for a long time when Jason asks over the phone. Jason starts to get antsy, wishing he had gone in person to see Dick, to ask. Finally, Dick answers, almost reluctantly, “He was furious. I’ve never seen him like that before. I thought—for sure, I thought he’d—you know.” Jason does know, but it makes him furious Dick won’t even say the Joker’s name, won’t say what Bruce wouldn’t do. “He would have deserved it,” Jason says savagely and is surprised out of his anger when Dick agrees, quietly, “Yeah. He would have.” There’s a long pause and then Dick adds, “But it wasn’t just him. B was…it was to everybody. A petty thief same as the Big Bads. It was like—it was like he really did. Lose you. And I didn’t—I wasn’t enough, then.” “Oh,” Jason says.

********

Jason doesn’t see Tim again for a while, worries he scared the kid off. He stays true to word, doesn’t tell Dick or Bruce, but he does keep an eye out for him.

When he doesn’t see him as Robin, Jason starts looking for Tim in school. He isn’t actually sure they go to the same one, it can’t hurt to keep an eye out. He doesn’t see him around the high school classes, and, remembering how tiny the kid is, Jason slips into Gotham Academy’s lower school during lunch and spots him right away.

Tim flushes when he notices Jason zero in on him, but he keeps walking with his nerd friend, determinedly ignoring Jason. Jason doesn’t like being ignored. He saunters over and slings an arm around the kid’s shoulder.

Tim’s flush deepens, but he says, almost valiantly, “Uh, hi?” He waves his friend off when he looks concerned and then shoves his hands in his pocket, like he’s trying to make his tiny self even smaller. “Can I help you?”

“Just haven’t seen ya around in a while,” Jason says. He tugs Tim outside with him and adds, “Let’s have lunch.”

********

“Why are you spending so much time with the Drake boy?” Bruce asks one night. They’re in the Cave, still in tuxes from some charity thing Bruce has thrown. Alfred will be mad if he knows, but he’s upstairs, cleaning.

Jason shrugs. “Just a friend. He goes to my school. ‘Sides, everyone else at those things is boring.”

“Not me,” Bruce says and Jason yawns extravagantly. “Especially you.”

********

He wants to tell Dick first about Tim because it’s Dick who helped Tim figure it all out. When he calls to see if he can come up for a weekend visit, though, Dick is distracted, sounds off.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jason finally demands and Dick sighs. Says, “I’m leaving the Titans. I guess I’m moving back to Gotham for a bit.”

It’s good timing, Jason thinks, and immediately feels guilty. He tries not to feel giddy about Dick being back. Tries not to worry about Nightwing, who’s lost teammates and just sounds tired lately.

“To the Manor?” he asks and Dick says, “God no. At least, not permanently. I just…need some time.”

“I have a secret to tell you,” Jason says. “When you get back.”

“I don’t know if I like the sounds of that,” Dick says and actually laughs.

******** Dick takes to Tim right away and Jason tries to squash down any jealousy boiling up in him. It’s not Tim’s fault they’ve come into Dick’s life at different places.

******** Bruce finds out with Dick and Jason both playing mediator, but he seems more impressed than angry, a concerned furrow etching into his brow.

“His parents aren’t home a lot,” Jason tells him, as if Bruce hasn’t noticed the kid sitting in his kitchen, doing homework and eating Alfred’s cookies on a near-daily basis.

******** He watches Tim spar and they way he pores over notes Bruce leaves for him when Batman and Robin go out, and he calls Dick the next day. Asks, “How did you know?” He’s woken Dick up and all he gets is a muffled, “Whu?” “How did you know?” He repeats, more insistently. “How did you know when it was time to move on?” “From what?” Dick asks and Jason lets out a frustrated sigh. “From Robin, asshole,” he snaps. “How did you know?” “Oh,” Dick is quiet for a minute. Then, he says, “I think if you’re asking, you already know.”

********

Jason was fifteen when he almost died. He was fifteen when he took back Robin, sixteen when he and Bruce started figuring each other out again.

Jason is seventeen today, poised on the edge of growing up. He’s seventeen and he is giving Robin away. Tim’s hands tremble when he takes the proffered uniform.

“But it’s your birthday,” he blurts, and then, “Are you sure?”

Jason glances at Bruce, suddenly glad he’s run it by him the night before instead of letting it be a surprise. Bruce doesn’t smile exactly, but there’s something encouraging in his eyes, reassuring, and Jason says, “Sure I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. You’re ready.” I’m ready.

“What will you do next?” Tim asks, voice softer, almost reverent as he gathers the Robin uniform close to himself.

Jason shrugs, but he’s grinning. “I have a few ideas.”

He does, too, scribbled down, sketched in a notebook. Because he is seventeen and he did not die and the world is open before him and he is ready for the world.

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

WARNING : Graphic description of BLood and Violence. A Mild description of Panic/Anxiety attack .... 

And Not Beta Read. Sorry if there’s a mistake.

Click link to read on AO3. Click Keep Reading to read on tumblr~~

Chapter 1 3

Chapter 2

Word count : 2.4 k

From time to time their hangouts on Fridays become less frequent. Tim had already made meeting with Jason -a regular civilian- hard enough with his lifestyle. Back then, Jason would always seek Tim, just taking him out of that busyness for a chill night out. Or just because he misses Tim, and wanted to see his face.

Jason doesn’t do that anymore.

They used to meet once a week, that turned into once in a while, and it’s been two months since Jason saw him last. They would still text regularly though, because even though it’s hard to meet Tim face to face, Jason never wanted to cut Tim off, never. So texting and calling it is, and it’s so much easier than seeing the person physically.

Jason loves when Tim sends him pet pictures. Tim would send a picture Titus the great dane snuggling with Alfred the cat, and it was the cutest sight he’s ever seen.

Sometimes he would check on Tim, asking if things are well. They would call and chat about petty things at work or things they’re mildly annoyed with. Or sometimes just banter about politics. None of them know how they got into that, but they did.

Jason would ramble about novels and Tim about a newfound manga. Talking and chatting like that is easier than meeting Tim, but it gets less and less easy for Jason.

Sometimes their call will be interrupted by someone. Sometimes Tim sends a couple of pictures with Superboy. Sometimes Tim didn’t reply for a month because of a mission, and Jason can’t do anything but to pray to the void and the universe that he’s alive at least.

He hated those days without hearing from Tim. There are times that his hands will start to shake whenever he was reminded that he hadn’t heard about Tim. His mind just whirls into the worst possibility ever and it’s swirling down too fast for Jason to stop.

It gets dangerous when he would drop heavy things in the middle of work. A car engine, a box of tools, his phone, and as a bonus, sometimes they land on his feet. Or when he sees bad news from a villain on TV, the world would spin a little and it’s harder to breathe.

He wanted to check up. He just wanted to walk to Wayne manor and demanded to know where he is.

To calm himself, he reminds himself that Tim has superheroes friends on his side. A Kryptonian as a soulmate too. Tim will be fine.

But sometimes those train of thoughts backfires.

They really have grown up after all. Jason promised himself that he’ll never let Tim grows away from him, but knowing the path he takes, and the soul mark on his body, some things are inevitable. Even so, Tim will be fine. With or without him.

As ridiculous as it sounds, Jason is anxious because there’s nothing to be anxious about.

“Jason!”

The ground is so close to his face. When did he get down on his knees? No, not on his knees anymore, he’s sitting on the side of his hips. He sees his open hands on the grease-stained ground, and they started to double into four.

“Breathe, Jason. Come on, follow my lead.” It’s Mrs. Knope’s voice. Feeling her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and following her commands to inhale and exhale.

Jason is getting his composure back, enough to look back to the TV hanged on the wall.

A swarm of robots attack in central Gotham. Red Robin is the first to respond. Tim’s bleeding, thrown to the ground, but he keeps getting back up. Jason wanted to run there, to help, to do something.

His friends came in. Superboy carries Red Robin away.

And Jason sighs at ease.

Tim is safe.

Tim will be fine.

++++++++

[Two Months ago]

Tim

Saw you on tv todya

Today

I rly thought you gonn die if not for your bf saving your dumbass so many times

Get back to me after you’re conscious you mad lad

[One Month ago]

I hope you’re on a mission rn and not purposely ignoring me

Or are you still recovering? you better be having some fingers cracked for not replying to me

Jk tho heal faster bitch I need some Alfred’s fluff belly pics

[Three weeks ago]

Tim what’s going on?

[Two Weeks ago]

Hey, dude, I’m just checking in

Saw you in crime alley

You’re dressed as a girl but you ain’t fooling me

[Two weeks ago]

Nvm it’s not you

Where are you tho?

[Yesterday]

Tell me you’re okay at least

Just something

Anything

Tim

++++++++

It struck like a bad feeling. Like a ghost going through your body, sending chills down your spine that can only mean nothing but bad. He’s started shaking like a scared rabbit. The ground under his feet feels like moving like a boat through a storm, he lost strength in his grip and his legs.

He lands himself on the side of the car he was working on, leaning there until he gets his ground again. From far away he can see Mrs. Knope coming over to him.

“Jason, it’s okay,” she turned the TV off, knowing it’s one of Jason’s trigger.

It’s not. Not this time, and the reason is something Jason couldn’t explain. He holds on to her, and regain his breath like the practice she taught him.

“Mrs... Mrs. Knope,” Jason said after finally catching his breath, “I have to go, right now, I’ll work on weekends in return.” Then Jason takes off without looking back.

“What- oh you better!” she scolded before she’s out of Jason’s hearing range.

Running aimlessly, Jason found himself in the depth of Crime alley, trying to look for Tim there and it is as crazy as that sounds, but his mind is awry from rational thoughts to think any differently. So, there he goes running like he’s a scared tourist. Then, after regaining some of his sanity, he calls and texts Tim even though his chat from two months ago hasn’t been read yet. Unsurprisingly, Tim didn’t pick up.

Bearing no fruit from running around, the only reasonable place he can look for Tim is the Wayne manor.

He has absolutely zero fucks at the moment that it’ll make Batman know that Jason knew about their identities. That’s a problem he’ll deal with after he calms his sudden anxiousness. It sounds like a petty reason but currently, Jason feels like dying.

There’s no public transport to the rich residential area, but there’s a stop near there so he takes it. Annoying the people on the bus with the tapping of his foot. He calms himself, thinking about good things, positive things. That maybe he’s just imagining things, that Tim is fine and maybe on a prolonged mission, and he’s making a fool of himself.

That must be it. He just needs to know that Tim is fine, even though going to his home is stalker-ish, it’s just something Jason needs to do. His embarrassment will have to wait.

Jason runs there as soon as the bus’ door open, powered with adrenaline and anxiousness. Soon, Wayne Manor came into view, and he spams the bell by the gate until someone finally speaks from the speaker in a British accent.

“Wayne Manor, state your business.”

“I need to see Tim,” Jason demanded.

“I’m sorry sir, but Master Timothy is still at work.” Oh, that’s good, now he just needs to go there.

“Where? Tell me the adress.”

“And what is your business with Master Timothy?”

“I just need to see him, he’s not returning my calls and texts the past two months. So, just tell me where he is!” Jason is getting impatient.

“Pardon me, but I don’t like your threatening tone, please contact Master Timothy himself if you’d like to meet.”

“No! Mr. Pennyworth I’m sorry just listen to me,” Jason called his name, and the static noise means the butler hasn’t disconnected yet.

Jason felt like his breathing is getting hard, but, oh god, not now...

“I need to see him,” Jason’s breath is getting shallower, he doesn’t want to do this, but Pennyworth is stalling, deflecting, now Jason knows something is wrong. “I know you know who I am, and I know...” Jason gulps, “I know.”

There’s a pause from the other end, and the gates open.

“Please come in Mr. Todd.” The speakers say before it’s off.

Jason runs through the pathway to the grand 4-meter tall door. A butler opens it before Jason has a chance to knock. Face stoic and head high. A balding drey hair, matching thick mustache, judging eyes and dressed in a pristine black suit and white shirt. The old butler moves away from the door and gestured Jason to come in.

The room inside is warm and cozy, but so big that it feels uneasy for Jason that used to tight spaces. Carpeted floor, a high ceiling with a chandelier in the middle of it and a massive family portrait at the end of the wall. Tim is in it, along with Bruce Wayne, the first adopted son Richard Grayson, the second adopted daughter Stephanie Brown, and the blood son Damian Wayne.

“Master Tim had gone off-grid for an hour,” Pennyworth informed, “The others are trying to find him at this moment, we could wait together if you’d like, to calm yourself from having an attack.” The butler eyes him knowingly, eyes fond and understanding.

Jason grits his teeth, impatient, “No, where is the last point he’s offline.”

“If you have any intentions to find him, I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“You have to,” Jason stares down at the butler with fist clenched, “Depends on the area, he may not make it.”

“I assumed you knew about Master Timothy’s capabilities, I guess I assume wrong.” The butler shows his deprecating face towards Jason, and he’s not having that.

“Oh I know Tim can kick-ass, but I know these people even more, and their reputation underground. You don’t know how deep those villains connection runs. The people down there will do anything, only for a few bucks, or just something to eat. And you bet they would kill and conspire, and they won't care who they kill.”

Then, the butler’s expression is finally something else than calm stoic, but he stays silent.

“You don’t need to tell me anything else, just what his alias is, and the last time he’s visible. Please,” Jason begged, and it’s hard to control the croak threatening at the back of his throat.

“He’s last seen on Fulton street,” that’s near Crime alley, “his alias is Cal Corcoran.”

Jason sighs a relieved breath, “Thank you, and one more thing, don’t tell them that I’m looking for Tim.”

“Why is that.”

“Because he won't like my way, and I don’t want him to hold me back.”

Pennyworth’s face twisted in regret, but before the butler can say anything. Jason holds his arm in a firm grasp, eyes sharp the other’s pair of old wise eyes.

“I know you don’t trust me, but you have to believe in me. I’ll find him.” He’s filled with unshakable tenacity, newfound courage and an absolute determination to do anything. “Even with my life on the line.”

Pennyworth doesn’t move even a muscle on his face, then he holds the hand on his arm.

“Please bring him home,” the butler finally says.

Jason nods gratefully and runs towards the city. He knows exactly who to see first.

++++++

Jason had never been back here for years. When he left, he never looks back. How many years has it been? Yet everything is still the same. Still so easy to pick the door open. The room still smells foul, and the furniture is just as old and scarce.

An old man sprawled the couch, a beer on his hand and the tactical gear on his body means that he just returned from ‘work. He looks even older as if that’s even possible compared the state Jason last seen him.

“What are you doing here,” his dad slurred in his speech, not even bothered to stand up.

“You are going to tell me the list of your friends and where I can meet them.”

“And why do you think I would tell you?” He smirks, and he laughs, like a drunk. Then he throws the bottle of beer, aiming for Jason’s head, which he gives credit to his dad it was pretty close.

But he avoids it with ease, and the bottle breaks on the wall behind him.

“Get out! Get the fuck outta--” His dad finally shuts up, thanks to Jason’s knife against his throat.

His dad twists his face in outrage, “You don’t have the balls to--” Jason takes the knife away, leaving a red mark on the neck, and sink that knife on his dad’s right hand and through his thigh when Jason sees it grabbing into something in his pocket. The man only screamed for a millisecond before Jason shoved a bundle of cloth on his old man’s screaming mouth.

There are tears rolling down his sunken eyes. Jason never saw him cry before, not even when his mom died.

Jason left the knife there, and pulls another one and place it on a red line on his neck. His dad twitch away, he tried to, but Jason’s knife presses his neck hard against the couch. There’s no compassion left in him for his dad, not ever fear or guilt when looking at the man’s terrified and pained face.

“I will and can kill you if you’re not useful. I can get the names from anyone else, but I figure... You’d like a chance to do your son at least one favor, wouldn’t you?” Jason doesn’t frown, doesn’t show any expression. He doesn’t want to grace his dad with any expression. The knife sinks into the think fled on his neck, and Jason mercilessly drags it towards his Adam's apple like cutting a cake, leaving a trail of red that leaks blood.

“Wouldn’t you?” Jason says more firmly, pressing the knife even deeper.

His dad is shaking, eye blown wide in terror, and finally nods.

“Good, and along with the names, I’m going to need your guns and stash of drugs.”

[sassycassie-s-writing]

Abandoned Powers

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): DC, BatFam - Jason Todd/Red Hood

Rating: PG-11/T- (for minor violence)

Original Idea: I only watched a couple episodes of Black Lightning but I liked the idea of abandoning superpowers and just... never using them.

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) Alternate return of Jason Todd! (Doesn’t really follow Under the Red Hood and tbh I’m chill with that) @welovegroot @batboys-and-other-messes @haylo4ever

^^^^^

I abandoned my powers the day Jason died. We were fifteen. He’d always been enthusiastic about my ability to move objects with my mind. He thought it was cool—when we were even younger he thought it was magic.

The day he died, I stopped using them completely. I didn’t even use them to turn the light switch off from bed anymore. The only time I used them was to check to see if they still worked—once a year on April 27, Jason’s death day.

I sat in the back of the Wayne’s Rolls Royce, being driven by Alfred, and stared out the window as the woods outside Gotham flashed by. “What’s this about, Alfred?” I asked. “I mean, after all these years, why now?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you, Miss Knight,” Alfred replied. “Master Wayne has not privileged me with the information.”

“But he tells you everything,” I pointed out.

“Not everything. Not always.” Alfred resumed his professional silence from then on, until we pulled up the drive and to the front door of the manor house.

Bruce Wayne was waiting for me on the front steps. Alfred opened the back door of the car for me and let me hug him in thanks before going up to Bruce. The latter regarded me calmly. “It’s been some time, Miss Knight,” he commented casually, sticking his hand out to shake mine. I shook it with a nod.

“Yeah. So, what’s up? I don’t imagine you’d be reaching out to your dead son’s superpowered ex-girlfriend for anything short of a crisis,” I said.

Bruce stiffened slightly. “It’s a conversation best served behind closed doors, Miss Knight,” he said, beckoning me into the house. I followed him in and down to the Batcave—a place that was remarkably different and yet unchanged from my adolescence at the same time. I sat down on one of the two desk chairs and waited patiently for Bruce to do the same. He paced up and down for a moment before settling.

“Tea, Miss Knight?” Alfred offered.

“No thank you, Alfred. But thank you for the offer.”

“Of course.”

“Listen,” Bruce said, looking awkward, as Alfred left. “I don’t know how to tell you this, and you’re not going to like it, but…”

“Just tell me,” I said. “Straight truth.”

“Jason’s alive. And he’s wreaking havoc on Gotham.”

I felt every muscle in my body go slack. I nearly fell out of the chair. The only thing that saved me was my shoes’ traction on the floor stopping me from sliding.

“Jay’s… Jay’s alive?” I breathed, scooting up in the chair.

“Yes,” Bruce said.

I cleared my throat and fought down tears. “How… how long have you known?”

“We’ve been suspicious for a couple days. We got confirmation last night.”

“What’s… what’s he like? I mean, what state is he in?”

“It’s hard to tell. We think he still remembers us for the most part but… we’re not sure. He hasn’t said more than a dozen words to us. But he’s quickly becoming a crime lord. He’s taking over the cartels and making a gambit at Black Mask’s reign.”

“And… what does this have to do with me?” I asked.

Bruce sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. “I might need your help to take him down,” he said. “Like I said, we don’t know what state he’s in. And when it comes to keeping Jason in line, you were always the biggest gun we had. You can get him to calm down and listen when no one else can.”

“Bruce…”

“I’m not asking you to fight him. I'm not asking you to use your powers against him—unless you deem it necessary. I’m asking you to keep him calm long enough to talk if things get out of hand. Dick and I are going after him, and if he tries to kill us, I just want you to prevent that from happening. If you can. We’re going to try to bring him home. We can’t do that without your help.”

I sucked in a deep breath and released it, shaking my head. “I… I guess… okay.” I looked Bruce dead in the eye. “But if I help, I’m doing it for Jason. Not for you.”

Bruce nodded. “I understand. Now suit up. We don’t have a lot of time and he’s got a head start.”

I got to my feet and went over to the corner of the cave where I used to keep my uniform. It was still there. I hadn’t worn it in years though. “Bruce?” I said, turning around.

He stopped where he was getting his suit off its stand. “Yes?”

“Just so you know, I haven’t used my powers since Jason died. I test them every so often to see if they’re still there, but I haven’t used them in years.”

“You’ll be fine. You may not even need to use them at all,” Bruce said.

I nodded and got my uniform out of the display case. I hadn’t grown since I was fourteen, so I assumed it would still fit…

I wrangled myself into it, screwing up my face in distaste. “Forgot how tight this was,” I muttered, using my powers significantly for the first time in years to get the zipper in the back up. I glanced in the reflection of the display case just to make sure it wasn’t twisted. “Yup. Still fits perfectly.”

With a fortifying breath, I popped the molded domino mask onto my face.

“I’m back,” I said.

^^^^^

The fight was going poorly. Nightwing and Batman were getting trounced by the Red Hood. By Jason.

Which almost surprised me. Nightwing and Batman were good. Like, really good.

But they were holding back. I could tell. They didn’t want to hurt Jason too badly. They wanted to bring him home not take him out.

I watched from the shadows, crouched down to take up as little space as possible. My black-and-blue suit blended into the night almost perfectly, keeping me hidden. There were several times I moved to enter the fray, but a tiny signal from Batman kept me back. Not yet.

Finally, Jason grabbed Batman’s head and pulled it down onto his knee. I winced as something—hopefully just Batman’s cowl—cracked.

Batman fell to the ground. I couldn’t tell if he was just disoriented or unconscious, but I decided I wasn’t going to stay back any longer. The Red Hood raised his arm, a wickedly sharp knife clenched in his fist.

“Jason!” I breathed, planting my hand on his back and twisting around him till both of my hands were on his chest. I looked up at him pleadingly, eyes searching the white holes in his scarlet helmet for… answers? Recognition? His eyes? I wasn’t sure.

A soft silver-white light pulsed on both of our heads from above, glinting against Jason’s mask. I didn’t need to look up to see what it was.

My telekinesis holding the knife.

Way back when, no matter how hard Jason trained, he’d never been strong enough to beat my telekinesis. I hoped that was still the case. But given I hadn’t used my powers in years, and the fact that he was way more muscular than he’d been the last time we’d met, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep that knife from hurting anyone if he really tried. I wondered for a split second if my powers were like a muscle, or that dumb useless math taught in high school—if you don’t use it, it goes away.

The eyeholes of Jason’s mask turned down to look at me. His head slowly tilted to the side. I could almost sense curiosity. I hoped it was because he was wondering why I was here and not who I was. I didn’t know how much he remembered.

My hands were still on his chest. He looked down at them. Then back at my eyes.

Nightwing was on the ground, holding his knee. Batman was still down too. I wondered if he was out or just biding his time to strike.

“Jason, it’s me,” I said.

He dropped his arm where it was raised above his head. The knife stayed in place where I was holding it with my mind.

With a bit of fiddling, he removed his helmet, revealing the red mask he wore underneath it.

He tilted his head down, expression softening. “Hello you,” he greeted.

“You remember me?” I asked.

“How could I forget the love of my life?” he replied, setting both of his hands on my face. I stiffened. “Worried I’m going to snap your neck?”

“Yes.”

“But you could stop me, couldn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never tried before. And… I abandoned my powers the day you died. Little out of practice.”

He bent down and scooped me up into his arms. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. Let’s get out of here.”

Before Batman or Nightwing could stop him, he swept me off into the night.

[mizmahlia]

Do you have any fic suggestions?

Woo hoo! I certainly do!

I’m sorry this took a little while;I wanted to put together a solid list. I’ve gone back to both AO3 and FF.net toperuse my bookmarks and favs, and I’ll link to some writers I know here onTumblr, too. These are listed by fandom so it’ll be easier to get tosomething that interests you. And the summaries are taken from the ficsthemselves; anything I added is in parenthesis.

Tumblr writers I read: an-all-write-life, inanotherlifetimeiknowyou,crazyfreckledginger, pythiaaa, oh-mother-of-darkness, alittlewing, zombiesbecrazy, unavenged-robin, redhoodshood. (I know there aremore, but I can’t find them all at the moment!)

DC

The Enigmatic Death of Jason Todd - Origamidragons                

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we’re discussing one of the most publicized mysteries of the last decade, and that is the death of Jason Todd.”

A Robin’sGotta Eat – RomanianDollar

When Jason gets injured in a gang fight he heads to the one person who willreceive him: Tim Drake. While there he finds his kid brother doesn’t have thebest diet habits, and decides to take matters in his own hands. (I love ficswith these two bonding.)

If He Had Come– bronwe-iris

Jason Todd has been a prisoner of the Joker for nine months. Then, against allodds and all hope, Batman rescues Jason and brings him back to Wayne Manor torecover. But has Batman come too late to save what is left of Jason? AU of theArkham Knight video game (There’s a sequel, too.)

feels like the world isresting on your shoulders - VioletSauce

Jason gives a startled laugh, then quietens immediately because hehasn’t laughed since before Bruce died, since before he took up the mantle. AsRobin, it was Jason’s personal mission to make Batman laugh, and as Red Hood,it was to make him angry. Now he’s Batman and he’s not laughing and he’s notfull of rage either. (So much angst, but it’s beautiful and an unexpectedtwist.)

The End of the Line - LemonadeGarden

Selina Kyle is asurvivor. It’s what she’s good at, and she knows that sometimes to survive,other people have to get left behind. And then one day, Bruce Wayne comes alongand proves her wrong. (Written from Selina’s POV and it’s one of the only ficsI’ve read where that’s the case.)

a trick of the mind, atraitorous heart - KatastrophicTodd

It was the result of a prompt from Tumblr: “Jason Todd trying to hidefrom his siblings in the days leading up to his birthday because he doesn’twant to celebrate. Angsty or fluff, write whatever you want!“ (I laughedand cried on this one. :)

The Thimble Ninja– Tiger Queen

Wally bets he can out-ninja Artemis. We shall see… (If you likeSpitfire, you’ll love this.)

Stargazer– LemonadeGarden

Jason Todd is seriously injured during patrol one night, and is forcedto stay at the manor to recuperate until his injuries are healed. To pass thetime, he makes a list of things he never got to do before he died.

Except there’s one small problem: most of them involve Bruce, and Jason doesn’treally think Bruce cares all that much about him anymore. (I’ve read thismultiple times and love it more every time.)

theyve broken me - Princex_N

Retraumatization isa conscious or unconscious reminder of past trauma that results in are-experiencing of the initial trauma event. It can be triggered by asituation, an attitude or expression, or by certain environments that replicatethe dynamics (loss of power/control/safety) of the original trauma. Beingforced to talk about your trauma before you’re mentally ready to do so can alsobe a trigger.

Jason agrees to talkto Bruce about the circumstances of his death and resurrection in Batman andRed Hood #20, at serious detriment to himself. (I needed tissues for this one..)

He is Risen - BloodFromTheThorn

Tim wakes up in a cell with an annoyingly cheerful Nightwing and really everythingjust goes downhill from there. Post Arkham Knight. (Angst like whoa. Tim &Dick are dealt a brutal beating, so take care.)

Thanksgiving at the Kents - cylobaby27

Clark convinces Diana to come to the farm for Thanksgiving, and Diana finallygets the chance to meet Bruce’s kids. There are far more of them than she hadexpected. (It’s told from Diana’s POV and is beautiful.)

Marvel

A Morbid Taste for Ice – sitehound

Darcy Lewis never imagined she’d be living in a house trailer in the New Mexicodesert with the God of Thunder and his sociopath brother, but she’s making thebest of the situation. Until a frozen corpse shows up on the front porch.Casting herself as amateur sleuth, she embarks on a journey that will challengeher definitions of good, evil, love and what it is to be human. (I’m a suckerfor Darcy/Loki.)

Wounded - PurpleArrowzandLeather

You and Loki are prisoners of war. You despise him. (There’s a sequel tothis, too.)

so collect your scars and wear ‘em well - fragileanimals

In which Loki stumbles upon a grieving Peter, and reluctantly offers tohelp the only way he knows how: with magic.

Un/Hurt - PoorYorick

5+1 - In which Loki got injured in the battle against Hela and tries tohide his moment of weakness from different people for different reasons. Andthe one person he tells the truth.

Supernatural

Thank You – clair beaubien

Ch1: The Apocalypse is almost upon them and Sam leaves his journal where pryingeyes can see. Ch 2 - what Dean wrote in his journal after Sam was gone. (Someangsty fluff and a wonderful plot idea.)

Three Words on an Index Card – staceycj

Christmas story set in S5 (This makes me cry every time.)

Pearl Harbor 1941 – Cheryl W

Total AU. The brothers are soldiers at Pearl Harbor during the sneak attack inWWII.

The Bizarre Winchester Murder Spree  - Origamidragons                

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we are discussing two of the most prolific and strangest serial killers in recent history: Sam and Dean Winchester.”