#My mother knows but pretends that she doesnt. Told me she will not talk about if to anyone in the family

[thepumpkincorsair]

So, I watched the first episode of “Those About To Die” on Peacock.

I enjoyed it, and Im willing to do write ups if folks would be interested…

Since I wana talk about details, and I dont wana spread spoilers, everything is below the readmore.

What I liked: 🔵 And what I disliked: 🟠

Total Ranking: 8/10 - very good, worth the watch 👍

🟠 It dove into the Intrigue right away, which made it hard to watch while doing other things, but I can appreciate a show that grabs you by the shoulders and shoves you down into the couch to pay attention.

🔵 It wasn’t boring, quite the contrary, I felt fully engaged throughout the episode. Theres a lot of small moving parts to the story, and it orchestrates together incredibly well so far, even for Episode One. The writing is very well done, which is a lynchpin for me on a show like this. You cant pretend to be an intrigue type series without a proper plot. And, in my opinion, they’ve set their plots well right away. Tenax getting those shares in Blue was a great con, which had clearly been going a while, but we only saw the tail end of it. I see this little setup as a great look at how the writers DO their work. Connections matter, money does more than talk, and if you play the game wrong, you die. Don’t trust anyone.

🔵 I REALLY enjoyed the historical aspects of the first episode. Like, yes, this plot happened, its a historical fiction and a number of these characters exist in history, but its not just that. Its the small details, the different knives in different cultures, the veterinary care of race horses, the deities from more than just the main roman pantheon, the drinkware, the VARIOUS clothes from various cultures and climates…. And yes, women often went topless when they were a sxwrkr. Gotta advert.

🔵 ON THAT SUBJECT: can we talk about “3 sesterce… and Im tighter than both of them.” MY BOY, YOU ARE RIZZIN TOO HARD AND I LOST IT. Please, please let him be in future episodes. Omfg….

🟠 I am forced to concede the accuracy isnt PERFECT, the horses wore modern driving bridles to go with their ancient styled chariots. However, Im realistic about how many horses are trained today to pull anything without blinders, and how much safer modern bridles are. I’ll also note: I absolutely saw the animal handler grab the horse differently (calmly) before the riot surrounded it, then direct the horse to dance in the crowd. Great training with the horse! Bad camera angle. Lol

🔵 I also really like this cast so far. Everyone fills their roles incredibly well.

Hopkins doesnt even need an introduction, the mans a legend and brings all his experience to the stage with him every time. -chefs kiss-

Rheon was great in GOT, he plays calculatingly unhinged exceptionally well. But I wont lie, seeing him in a more commanding, level headedly calculating person?

Hashim….. HASHIM!!! Im SO excited to see where his character goes. We haven’t seen much of him in Ep 1 just yet, but he’s clearly going to be one of the main players. Im not familiar with him as an actor, but I’ve enjoyed his performance so far, and I REALLY appreciate the story being told.

Martins is also incredible. She does a fantastic job of knowing the danger her characters children are facing, but also knowing she HAS to play her cards right to save them. She personifies the strength and determination of a mother perfectly.

🔵 Quite honestly, I have to give points to that whole plot-line in general. That point of view is something we’ve had hidden from us (in America) for so long, that I think a LOT of people have… become calloused. I hope seeing it will potentially help others come to an empathetic understanding. This isn’t glossing over what happened, or whats likely to happen to any of the three children.

🔵 I also want to gush over actually SHOWING the wider Roman Empire, we get to see the direct effect of their influence in both Africa and Spain so far. Egypt was their bread basket, and without that grain, youve got problems. The Berber Coast has animals, and people they want, and we see money exchanging hands for the purpose of those ends. We see how the locals were told they’d be treated fairly, paid properly, and even eventually become citizens, like the Spaniards, only to have those promises thrown aside as soon as the Romans have better money to make. These people gave the Empire everything it wanted, but the Empire is never satisfied.

We also get to appreciate how far west the empire went when the Spaniards are trying to sell their horses. (Plot-bunny: Andies are dancing horses, exceptionally athletic, and a prime choice for chariots, though, a standardbred is the usual choice for modern cart racers)

🟠 I will say the CGI isnt the best. You can tell exactly when they change from live action to CGI. But this is a minor issue for me tbh. Its passable CGI, and they use it to avoid putting animals or people in danger which, obviously, I appreciate. A chariot wreck was shown, annnnnd it was pretty darn accurate to how messy those would have been. Not good times y’all. Not good times. Also, the ramifications of a major concussion. Oof. At least the guy would have barely knew what was happening? Still.

🔵 The sound effects were enough without being over the top. Often times when theres gore to show, theres all these extra squelching noises and gratuitous blood… not this time. It’s actually… pretty durn accurate. Don’t ask how I know. I don’t wana tell you, and you dont wana know.

Overall, it was a really solid first episode, and I plan on watching the rest.

[turnin9pag3]

sigh.

i think im a james potter kinnie in the most shameful way possible because yes i relate to being social and having lots of friends but more than that i relate to feeling like you’re constantly doing either too much or not enough and people lose interest in me and i feel like shit because what did i fuck up but then i go and loose interest when i know its not that persons fault i just cant help myself but to hate everyone because i hate myself. and like james im too loud all the time so much so that when i finally decide to be quiet i have people shoving their concerns down my throat and i dont know how to appreciate it when all i want is to be left alone. lately ive been feeling like there something misplaced in me because all i want is to spend my last week of school with my friends and be happy and enjoy my time but all i can think about is i dont want to be here and i dont want to be touched and i dont want to see these people because these people keep talking and my head hurts and my eyes hurt and im feeling dizzy and none of this looks real anymore and im not sure what to do with myself anymore. and i would hate to hurt their feelings because its truly not their fault but like i said theres something wrong with me. i think im just a rotten soul and im fucked up in way unknown to most. as james would, i feel judged after everything i say and i feel ridiculed for every decision i make and i feel like they dont want to listen to me at all they just keep me around to have someone for themselves and a part of me knows thats not true but the larger part of me wont let me fully believe that. and i feel like james in the way i dont know how to do anything casually and i love with my entire soul but i hate with my entire soul too and when im in something im fully in. and its such a fault to have because i like people more than people like me all i just end up hurting myself because as much as i tell myself im not i think i still like that one guy from august and my miss my best friend when i cant call her that anymore and the girl ive known since 2nd grade is barley answering my texts and summer is coming i feel like everyone is going to forget about me and what if i forget about everyone and i dont want to be forgotten. and i feel like james because i feel overbearing when i ask to hang out with people and annoying. and i feel like im being made fun of every time i speak and i have to pretend that it doesnt bother me but it does. and im like james because all i want is someone to talk to and thatll listen to me but i know how hard it is to stay attentive when i talk because i talk so much about stuff no one cares about and i try to hide it but it hurts more than id like to admit because everyone cares about what they have to say and i sit and i listen but when i talk they leave the room or change the topic or turn up the music or outright tell me they dont care. joke or not it hurts. like james i spent most of my childhood being told im too loud or too intense or talk too much or too chaotic or too dramatic or talk too fast and like james i think no matter how much confidence i fein in my teen years ill never grow away from the 6 year old girl that everyone called a psycho because she had emotions too big that she didnt know how to deal with yet and they wernt her fault. it wasnt her fault she got her dads anger issues and tendencies to scream or her mothers ability to feel everything twice as strong as she should. and now im 15 and its still not my fault but ive suppressed it so far im not 100% sure how to feel that deeply anymore.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not talking to my sister?

we both currently live in the same house with our mother and youngest sister, who is in elementary. the sister i don't talk to is about two years younger than me. dont want to give exact ages but we are both early adults now. we haven't spoken in about six years, just small talk that is mostly just me giving her a message or asking if she wants something to eat.

now, i stopped talking to her because we got into a fight because i told her she could not hold my little sibling (at that time my mom was the only one working and i was the one caring for my three siblings, including the eldest who is disabled, and i was the only one who knew how to care for a baby.) and she told me basically to die. and a lot of her words were just stuff she was repeating from my mom who has like this weird thing against me since ive been young, never really knew why. she would yell at me in front of my siblings and still does sometimes, though not as much since shes older. anyway, i didnt speak to my sister for about two weeks because of that and also it was not the first time she spoke to me in such a hurtful way, until some family members noticed and scolded me for it being as i am her older sibling.

i didn't feel like what she said was right but eventually i realized i do love and care for her so i did try to make it up by walking her home from school and hugging her and buying her snacks from the gas station that was near our house at the time. but i guess my actions afected her and ever sense she had no interest in speaking with me, which my mother does still constantly blame me for.

i feel bad and i did try many times to fix things and even still currently although i know she doesnt care for me i do little things for her. but she doesnt want to talk and at this point i don't feel obligated to even want to keep trying to mend our relationship when she doesnt even care.

then recently things kind of went bad, which i won't go too much into detail about, but she ended up going to a mental hospital for a few days for running away and threatening to kill herself. and she made some comments about me to my mom saying that i didn't care about her and its my fault she did those things, which my mom agreed. then she came home after begging my mom to get her and pretended as if nothing happened. i soon found out from my eldest sib (who this sister is closer to) that she only did that in hopes that she could get somethign from my mom but idk what and why she even mentioned me because then some people came around asking me if i abused her or anything and why i didnt talk to her.

but it made me angry and hurt since i have been working to be a better sibling even in this awful household, ive been trying to treat my baby sibling better too so at least she knows she's loved and not alone. i am working and going to school while she (sibling i am not talking to) gets to sit at home. i get her gifts and she doesnt even thank me. i still love her even though she hates me so much, even though i know she was just manipulated by our mom to feel that way about me. and for her to say that after ive constantly tried to be there even when she didnt want me it just hurted.

now i am so tired and im preparing to leave the house because i cant do it anymore, although i would hate to leave my younger siblings with my mom. and i think i will give up trying to mend our relationship, because i thought she could change but its becoming to much and i cant be here. i know i should not have stopped speaking with her and i regret it, but i feel like my efforts over the years should be acknowledged too.

and i just need to know am i a bad person for feeling this way? should i even keep trying?

What are these acronyms?

[cogbreath]

its very stressful and painful and honest to god heartbreaking when my mom tells me to avoid stepping in when my dad is being abusive bc she's worried he'll get worse towards her if i do . shit got rlly ugly tonight. im very very tired of having to just watch & hear this shit happen. im very tired of having to pretend it doesnt effect me. im tired of being made to stay out of the way im tired of being told to be nice to that man im really so tired. my whole life basically in this house ive had to live like 😐. i dont think either of them really realise how deeply this shit has broken me apart over and over again thru my life. ive been having to be the Neutral Mediator since my childhood with this. its very distressing for a child to have to tell their own mother that this shouldnt be happening. that its not normal.

i dont think any of them understand how often i/my alters think about Ending It For Good. why woildnt i? do you think the way ive grown up makes a person feel like they even have a future at all? especially when as a kid i was afraid he was gonna try that first and kill us both. i have a deep internal thought that i need to do it before he does ir first

my mom is still talking like shes on voard with having him move out of here soon but like. when is soon. soon is coming, right???

i csnt let that not happjen

i will lose it if that plan falls through

i dont rlly have any drugs or anyrhing to ease myself

i dont know what to do

shpuld i just run away?

i dont have anywhere to go. i have no friends no job nothing like that but this is just so painful to deal with. and. honestly. i cant leave her alone with him. i cant. i know my existence and presence does little to acrually help keep things from going worse; but i feel that if i wasnt here, it would get way way worse

my mom has so many breakdowns abt how nobody wnats to save her or help her

i do

i do

but she doesnt want to LET me. i dont know what she wants. i dont know what im supposed to do anymore. ive given all my advice. i tey to listen to her ans let her vent but its not enough i guess

[yellowbluemoonshine]

About A School of Good and Evil

I watched this movie yesterday and despite not really being ‘gray story’, it still caught me and make me continue because of dear protagonists of the movie. The relationship between Sophie and Agatha is one of the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen.

*Be carefull for the spoilers for movie and book*

(When i heard those names, first thing came to my mind was Sophie and Agatha from Witch Hat Ateiler, lol and both series is about witches so it was weird but anyway.)

Ok, i do know that this movie is adaptation of its book (Btw, i really like the drawing and painting of book) and they changed a lot. Such as Sophie and Agatha is twins sisters, Sophie is actually ‘meaner’ in book etc etc. But i honestly dont care about the book because i think movie is kinda better, not everything but some part of it.

For example;

There is this consisting writing in many stories that ‘if a girl acts fake, which means they are evil.’ meanwhile ‘tsundere, rude girl is actually honest and sincere so they are good’. I mean, i get the point here but thats is not that simple. We are living in a society where we are supposed to act like ‘certain normal way’, we all pretend at some point. Not because we are evil but because we are scared of being rejected or judged by other people, sometimes, it is for survival. I am not saying that its heathy behavour, it is unhealthy but still, it definitely doesnt make people bad and people who just say whatever they think in their mind with the name of ‘honesty’, they are far more awfull than person showing ‘fake kindness’ to not be disliked. Because one of them act fake because they are scared, other one is simply just doesnt care about what other people thinks. Of course, this is not always the case but most of the time, this is the case. Because people are people. This is why i kinda dislike this type of writing. This is why i like movie version better than book version.

I dont really have problem with book Agatha, it seems similar anyway (kinda like book Agatha apperance better cause she looks more like witch but while movie Sophia’s apperance fits better to story, i thnk) but well, i like Movie Sophie far better. She is literally my favorite character cause of the way she was written and i think it fits better to plot cause people are just people. Apperantly, in book, those girls are written as beatifull girl with ugly heart and ugly girl with beatifull heart but in movie, they BOTH were good girls with opposite personalities and apperances.

Sophie is girly girl who care about her apperance, she has manners, she is in love with fairy tale stories and she wants to be like one so that she can be ‘special’, just like her dead mother told her. She wants to be rich, special and i think there is nothing wrong with that. She has just immature way of looking world which is understandable since she doesnt like her current life. Even later her realizing that she is already special without ever needing to have ‘fairy tale story’ life, that she learns to be okay with normal life.

Meanwhile, Agatha is more like tough girl. She has more realistic and mature world view. She is rude and couldnt care less about what others think about her. She is fine as long as she has her mother and her dear friend. She doesnt have much expectations from world, she just goes with it. She also has her own taste (ghost stories etc).

Even the way they met with each others is so sweet.They both are outcasts, despite being so different. Because they are both ‘weirdos’ for others. Sophie cause she lives in dreamworls and Agatha cause she looks like a witch. But they have each others.

Honestly, this writing far better than its book so i would like to see this one as original.

And i personally didnt like the ‘romance’ in movie. Not saying that straight relationship shouldnt happen but i just didnt like the relationship between Tedros and Agatha. Not the ‘you are not like the other girls’ talk, ooof. If Sophie was gonna be together, it should’ve been with someone who loves him (not the evil x evil bullsht cause i think she is good). And if Agatha was gonna be with someone, i wish it was Gregor because they fit better. He could be her prince but they made mr charming as main male protagonist cause well, it is. (Dont get me wrong, i think Tedros is fine guy, he might be really good guy, i just didnt like their so called romance).

And another thing i dont like about both movie and book is that all that ‘nothing is black and white or good and evil’ conversation only to end up with ‘well they are evil and we are good so’ which is condracts with itself. It could’ve written a lot better.

I could literally watch whole show about Sophie and Agatha’s adventures, movie felt short, well, it has book for a reason but since i didnt like the way book continue and handled its story, i just like the movie.

And romantic or not, i dont care, Sophie x Agatha forever, they should be together. They are each other’s true love no matter what.

[rainbowsky]

Hi rainbowsky,

Up to you to publish this or not, but I told my mom that I am a fan of DD and she's been trying to tear him down for some reason? Probably based off of anti stuff she reads on the Chinese internet since she doesnt follow him. Since I talked about it she told me about an article her friend linked to her where they wrote that he only acts with one expression, and recently she has been going off about the fake pregnancy "scandal" and when I told her that DD always treats women with respect she responded with "he's just pretending, you never know what people are like behind closed doors". It really gets me down that she keeps trying to discredit him knowing that I like him. Why would she do that?

Hi dianaprincessownsmyass!

Is your mother a GG fan, by any chance? 😅

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this behavior from your mother. It would be nice if she could at least set aside her negativity to support you in something you enjoy. But then, she might be feeling protective of you as a fan of someone she hates, and trying to convert you away from him. Still, it's got to feel really bad and I'm sorry to hear it.

She's also human, despite being your mother, and just as prone to all the same behaviors anyone else is prone to. She might just really hate DD that much, or be that duped by the information she's seeing. Unfortunately a lot of people never learned critical thinking skills and are unable to evaluate claims or don't even think to, they just take things at face value.

It's interesting because I answered a really similar question a while back about a mother who was taken in by claims about GG. It seems you're not alone in dealing with this! Anon from the previous ask, if you're reading this maybe reach out to dianaprincessownsmyass if you have any tips on dealing with it, or even if you two just want to bond over having gullible mothers! 😅

If your mother is a fan of GG, or spends a lot of time around fans of GG, then she will be getting brainwashed constantly by toxic shrimps, because they love nothing more than to try to tear DD down. Never underestimate the depth of hate GG and DD's fans often have for each other's artist.

In any case, her behavior is hurtful, and she shouldn't be doing it.

Have you tried talking to her and asking her why she does it?

I wouldn't recommend debating her about whether DD is all the evil things she thinks he is. There's that old saying, "Never try to reason someone out of a belief they didn't arrive at through rational means." Proof, logic, rational thought - none of these things are likely to make a dent in her views, because they don't appear to be criteria she valued when forming them.

Better to focus on your relationship with her than on anything about DD. If you have the sort of relationship where you can talk about feelings, you could ask her why she'd want to say things that hurt you. She might not be fully aware of how it's making you feel.

If that's not something you feel safe to do (some mothers just don't do 'feelings') then I'd recommend making the topic 'off limits'. If you set that boundary with her and stick to it, then at least you won't have to deal with that behavior anymore. Since it's a topic that's really not integral to your relationship - it's not something personal about the two of you - you might be able to avoid the subject without impairing your relationship.

There are some people who I really love and have a good relationship with, but who I just can't talk to about certain things. They know not to bring the subject up, and if it does come up we change the subject. Sometimes that's the only way to find harmony.

If all else fails you can try to appeal to her motherly guilt and affection - shamelessly if need be - to get her to stop being so hurtful.

Most important; please remember that what she is saying and doing has nothing to do with you. It's about her and her own feelings, biases, baggage and attitudes. Try not to take it too personally.

Good luck. I hope you're able to work something out with her! Just remember that you've always got turtles here to support you. 🫂

I have a previous post that's somewhat related here.

[pesterloglog]

Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Swifer Eggmop

Candy, page 8

ROSE: Did you hear that Jane had been intending to run for president?

KANAYA: Yes She In Fact Asked Me To Serve A Position In Her Cabinet

KANAYA: On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction”

ROSE: Oh dear. What did you tell her?

KANAYA: Well Not In So Many Words

KANAYA: But I Told Her To Kindly Fuck Off

ROSE: That bad, huh?

KANAYA: She Was Already Talking About Regulating Troll Reproduction

KANAYA: With Great Confidence I Might Add As If She Had Already Been Elected

ROSE: Very presumptuous of her.

KANAYA: Well I Suppose Her Confidence Was Not Unearned

KANAYA: Who Was Going To Run Against Her

KANAYA: Karkat?

ROSE: I don’t think Karkat would be such a bad candidate actually. Depending on certain factors I mean.

ROSE: I’m assuming that in this theoretical scenario, Dave is handling the economy.

KANAYA: Oh Of Course

ROSE: Ok. In that case it might have all worked out in the end.

KANAYA: Doubtlessly

KANAYA: I Have Great Faith In Karkat And Always Have

KANAYA: However I Also Am Not Certain That He Could Step Out Of His Hive Without Catching On Fi–

KANAYA: Swifer Could You Not Swiff The Mother Grub So Vigorously

SWIFER: Oh, sorry ma’am!

SWIFER: Just tryin’ to get her nice and clean! I heard the New Prospit Hornographer’s coming by later to scope out some pics!

ROSE: What’s this about the Hornographer?

ROSE: Since when has the press taken in interest in our activities down here?

KANAYA: Oh Yes You Were Busy Dying When I Set All Of That Up

KANAYA: The Mother Grub Is Mature Enough This Year To Process Inseminated Slurry For The First Time In Our History

KANAYA: If The Government Gives Us The Go Ahead We Can Begin Breeding Trolls The Natural Way Next Month

KANAYA: I Arranged The Newspaper Story When...

ROSE: When Jane asked you to sit on the “Board for Responsible Troll Reproduction”?

KANAYA: Yes The First Thing I Did Immediately After Screaming Into A Pillow Was To Call My Acquaintance At The Paper

KANAYA: Now That She Isnt Running It Doesnt Seem Very Important However

KANAYA: Actually Im Not Terribly Interested In Politics At All

KANAYA: Without Anger Motivating Me I Began To Think About How Its Probably Very Irresponsible For Any Of Us To Use Our Influence In Such A Way

ROSE: I agree. In fact, I’d just assumed that most of us had arrived at such a conclusion.

KANAYA: Not Jane Apparently

ROSE: Or Dave, I’m sorry to say.

KANAYA: Well Whatever Inconvenient Party Ruining Opinions Dave and Jane Might Have About The Economic Future Of Our Planet Its All In The Past

KANAYA: I Have A Very Good Feeling About Where Things Are Going Now

ROSE: I see. So are you the Seer now?

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: But I Can Make Predictions Based On Existing Evidence

KANAYA: And If I Can Spend Every Day Like This Doing The Work That I Was Born To Do With The Person I Am Most Fond Of In The World By My Side

KANAYA: I Believe That I Can Handle Anything

ROSE: Hmm... Did you really use dialogue like that to win my heart, or are we getting complacent and incredibly uncool in our old age?

KANAYA: I Convinced You To Marry Me I Dont Think That I Am Obligated To Be Cool Anymore

ROSE: Kanaya, you’re the “coolest chick” I know.

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: Are You Doing With Your Hands

ROSE: Oh, you know. Just one of these...

KANAYA: Please Dont Tell Me Youre Attempting To Do The Strider Thing

KANAYA: That Thing He Does Where He Pretends To Operate An Invisible Record Player

ROSE: B)

KANAYA: God

ROSE: Who’s the cool one now?

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: It Sure Isnt You

SWIFER: Ma’am and Ma’am’s wife! Bank’s closed, ladies!

SWIFER: The first egg is hatchin’ already!

SWIFER: Golly gee oh my. This part always makes me tear up.

KANAYA: Rose Look

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Vriska?

KANAYA: Pretty Close

KANAYA: A Reasonable Genetic Approximation

KANAYA: This Brood Has Been Utilizing A Slurry Consisting Of Genes From Our Original Group Of Twelve Trolls

KANAYA: Mostly This Results In Unique Individuals

KANAYA: But Sometimes Very Close Copies Occur

KANAYA: As With The case Of Ancestral Descendancy

ROSE: So... Vriska would be this troll’s ancestor?

KANAYA: Yes

ROSE: Wow.

KANAYA: Rose I Think This Is A Sign

ROSE: A sign of what?

KANAYA: Havent We Been Talking About Adopting A Grub

ROSE: Eventually, yes. But a natural-born grub. Don’t you think it will be somewhat... awkward, us raising a clone of your sort-of ex?

ROSE: What happens when Vriska comes back? What do we say to her?

KANAYA: Rose Vriska Is Dead So It Doesnt Really Matter

ROSE: Is she dead, though?

KANAYA: Absolutely

KANAYA: There Are Two Things Of Which I Have No Doubt

KANAYA: That You And I Are Going To Be Happy For The Rest Of Our Lives

KANAYA: And That We Are Never Ever Going To See Vriska Again

ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.

ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!

[game-set-canet]

can i get a meddy imagine where he falls in love with a female player on tour and its wholesome because they can only communicate in english because she speaks another language he doesnt

It's not an easy story

Pairing: Daniil Medvedev x f!reader

category: fluff

warnings: none

author's note: Sorry it took me so so long, lovely anon! but i hope you like it 💗 also: English isn’t my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes

*Y/N = your name *L/N = your last name

MY M A S T E R L I S T

(not my gif! credits to the owner/creator!)

♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦ - ♦

*** *** *** Getting to know each other *** *** ***

Andrey and Daniil are sitting at a table near the bar talking about the Roland Garros match so far when two women enter the restaurant and head for the bar.

The bartender greets them with a friendly smile: “Bonjour, mesdames! Qu'est-ce que je vous sers à boire?” ["Hello, ladies! What can I get you to drink?"]

One of the woman answers in slow French: “Juste une bouteille d'eau, s'il vous plait" ["Just a bottle of water, please"]

“Très volontiers” ["With pleasure!"]

Daniil’s gaze is on the two women, his food is suddenly uninteresting: “Who is that?”

“That are Caroline Garcia and Y/N L/N!”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, I think she’s number 45 of the world at the moment”, Andrey tries to spear a pea with a fork and therefore doesn’t see Daniil’s little smile.

“Earth to Danya, are you listening?”, Andrey waves his hand in front of the older man's face.

Daniil is torn from his thoughts and blinks slowly: “Mh?”

“You weren’t listening. Great. I talk about my problems in life and you aren’t listening…”

“Sorry.”, Daniil can't help his eyes sliding once again to the two women at the bar.

“What were you thinking?”, Andrey follows Daniil's gaze with his eyes and begins to grin, “Ohhh, do you like her?”

Daniil hastily turns away and clears his throat: “Do I like who?”, he is quite relieved that it is not so bright in the restaurant and Andrey cannot see the light shade of red on his cheeks.

“Don't pretend to be dumber than you are: I’m talking about Y/N!”

“Uhm…”

Andrey’s grin gets bigger and bigger: “Oh, you like her! Do you know her?”

“No. Do you?”

“No, I only saw her practice once or twice with Kasatkina”, Andrey leans over the table, “So, do you like her?”

“I don’t know her but…”, Daniil nibbles at his lower lip, his gaze fixed on Y/n, who runs her hand through her hair and laughs at something Caroline said.

“…but you think she’s pretty”

Daniil hesitates a few seconds. He knows Andrey doesn’t mean it but there gonna be a lot of jokes in the next days about this. Nevertheless, he answers with a quite “Yes.”

Andrey looks back and forth between Daniil and Y/N at the bar and cradles his head on one side: “Alright, go and talk to her!”

Daniil isn’t sure whether he heard correctly: “Definitely not!”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s awkward!”, he crosses his arms defensively.

Andrey can’t help but laughs at his friend: “Everything you do is awkward”, Daniil gives him an icy look, but Andrey ignores it, “Nevertheless: go and talk to her! Parry already left!”

Daniil is deep in thoughts, already playing through different scenarios in his head: “What should I say?”

“Uhm… congratulate her on her win today?”

“How do you know she won?”

Andrey raises his hands and points to his smartphone: “I just googled her.”, he grins at Daniil, “Come on, Danya! You don’t have to marry her, just a little small talk!”

Daniil’s heart is racing in his chest because – truth to be told – he knows who Y/N L/N is. He already watched some of her matches (ok, all of her matches) this year and even checks her Instagram account regularly. As Caroline Garcia wasn’t to be seen, he takes a deep breath and closes the distance to lean next to Y/N at the bar counter: “Bonjour Y/N!”

Y/N looks up from her mobile phone in surprise: “Uhm…bonjour Daniil!”

“Comment te sens-tu?”, Daniil tries to smile at her and hopes she doesn’t notice his slightly shacking voice, “Félicitations pour ta victoire d'aujourd'hui!”

Y/N brushes a strand of hair out of her face: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak French…I…I don’t understand you.”

Daniil's facial features slip away: “Oh, I thought…”, he takes a step back, “I thought because you ordered something to drink in French and…well…”, he never felt this stupid in his life.

“I can greet and order food and drinks in French but that’s all…”

Daniil is now bright red in the face: “That’s a bit embarrassing now…I’m sorry!”

Daniil is about to turn away when Y/N puts a hand on his forearm: “No, it’s not! I think it’s really nice of you!”, she smiles at him, “Would you like to join me?”, she points to the bar stool next to her.

Daniil nods instantly and returns her smile. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Andrey nodding at him with a grin and leaving the restaurant.

*** *** *** 3 months later *** *** ***

! Your point of view !

On the stressful tennis tour, it is often not that easy to spend time together: Matches, training, physio, interviews, sponsor appearances and different tournament schedules often make it difficult.

That's why Daniil and you are always eager to make full use of the time you have together.

That’s way you are all the more frustrated when Daniil doesn't show up. You have been waiting for your boyfriend outside the restaurant for more than 20 minutes. You had arranged to meet here to have dinner together in this restaurant. But your boyfriend didn’t show up.

"Medvedev, you can't be serious!" you curse half aloud as you try to call him again. But just like the previous 10 times, you only get a voicemail.

Another 5 minutes passed without the Russian showing up. You even called Andrey Rublev to ask him where Daniil might be. The two had practiced together before midday and maybe they had forgotten the time. But Rublev said that Daniil had already left the training ground an hour ago. You don't know where he could be. And your frustration turns into anger.

Another 5 minutes later a Taxi stopped right in front of the restaurant and your boyfriend gets out of it. Daniil smiles at you and makes moves to pull you into his arms: “Y/N, my love! You look-”

You interrupt him, bewildered: “Where the hell were you?!”

“What?”

“WHERE. THE. HELL. WERE. YOU?!”, you emphasise every word and your voice is full of frustration.

Daniil swallows: “In the hotel?” he feels visibly uncomfortable.

“WHAT?!”

“Why are you so angry?” he now also raises his voice a little and makes you roll your eyes.

“Because you are late! 35 minutes late!”, you throw your arms in the air, “What were you thinking?!”

Daniil looks at you with wide eyes, he is pale: “I’m what?!”

“Late!”, you repeat impatiently, “I’ve been waiting here for 35 minutes! And I tried to call you! Multiple times! But you didn’t pick up!”

“My phone is on silent and-”, Daniil takes a deep breath, “I’m not late! You said we meet here at fifty past twelve!”

You think you heard wrong: “I said we meet here at fifteen past twelve! FIFTEEN! Not fifty!”

“No! You said fifty!”

“Why should I? I know I said fifteen!”

Daniil is silent for a few seconds: “Well, your accent is really terrible sometimes.”

“My accent?!”, you raise an eyebrow and give him an angry stare, “It’s not my fault you don’t listen!”

“I listened! I-“

“No, you were texting with Khachanov, you didn’t listen properly!”

Daniil looks at you provocatively: “So, you want me to agree that this is my fault?”

“It IS your fault!”

Your boyfriend shakes his head: “I don’t think so, but I will take the blame.”, suddenly a smile appears on his lips, “Because I know you're just grumpy because you're hungry.”

You can’t help but return his smile but you’re still a little mad at him: “No wonder that I’m hungry, I've been standing here for 35 minutes waiting for my unpunctual boyfriend!”

“I’m not unpunctual! We just had a misunderstanding!”

“A misunderstanding?!”

“I’m sorry, okay? Maybe it was my fault, I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You pull a face but reach for his hand to interlace your fingers: “Mh…”

“You still mad at me?”

“No…I’m mostly hungry now.”

You both look at each other before you start laughing at the same time.

[laylaisthename]

you know im down bad when im actually posting my fics on tumblr.

-

Lincoln McQuoid/M!MC || SFW || 3900 words :pensive: ||

Fic about two guys with terrible birthday experiences that are trying to do better. Set in a theoretical time after everything's been resolved. Timeline doesnt exactly match up since we're probably like a week away in game from Linc’s birthday but uuuh just pretend ok.

tw; mentions of under (american) age drinking (idk im european and he's 18 so its fine to me) 

"Lincooooln." Horus calls lazily from the couch.

"What?"

"You know what day it is?"

Lincoln pads into the living room, his eyes narrowing at Horus. "The day the Elric brothers set their house on fire?"

Horus snorts, "Of course you would say that you weeb. Aaaand...what else is today?"

Lincoln sighs. "Who told you?"

"I'll let you take one guess at who'd be texting me about your well-being."

He buries his face in his hands and lets out another deep, soul-weary sigh.

"Abel says to tell you 'happy birthday' and to make sure that, quote 'he doesn't spend the whole day moping around his apartment alone watching daytime tv and getting drunk.' unquote. Ouch. You really spend your birthdays like that?"

There's a thoughtful frown on Lincoln's face, a look that Horus knows a little too well by now. He opens his arms invitingly, and a small smile plays on Lincoln's lips as he moves to join him on the couch, resting against his chest.

"Bad birthday memories?" Horus asks.

"Melancholic ones. I told you what happened on my seventh birthday. My mom still tried after that but it just... hasn't been the same since. And then I lost touch with Abel, and she..." his words trail off. 

Horus' voice is quiet when he responds. "I know. I'm sorry." 

Unsure of what else to say he simply wraps Lincoln in his arms. Instinctively Horus' eyes flicker to the empty spot on the wall where Silvia's portrait used to hang, a pang of guilt lancing through his heart. He must have apologized a thousand and one times already, but it still never felt like enough. Sometimes he catches Linc glancing over too, expecting it to still be there- for her to still be there. 

His thumb subconsciously moves to twist at his mother's ring. It was a feeling he knew well. 

"Okay I'm gonna be real depressing here," he starts, "but stay with me on this. Every year on my birthday my dad used to take us to this nice Egyptian restaurant. I'd get baklava and chocolate cake and some damn good chicken and then we'd go home and watch any movie of my choice, so we'd usually end up watching A New Hope again."

"And you're calling me a weeb? Nerd."

"Shut up, I'm being genuine here for once in my fucking life. Anyway. Point is. We'd get dinner, watch a movie together, I got some gifts, and it was the best day I could wish for. Then after... everything happened, Amalia and her parents took me out somewhere." He takes a moment to gather himself. Talking about the past five years was still hard at times, actually telling the truth of his hurt rather than lie and say he was fine. "I spent my eighteenth birthday crying my eyes out on the floor of a restaurant bathroom. Told Lia I got food poisoning, but I knew she didn't buy it. Next birthday was barely any better. Amalia was off to college by then, so me and my new best friend 'Fake ID' hit up every bar in town for a free drink for the birthday boy. I vaguely remember making out with some hot girl in a bathroom stall, but mostly I just remember feeling incredibly alone. And, well, nauseous."

"Is this story going anywhere or are you rambling?"

"Right. I'm trying to be profound. Well, tl;dr, birthdays sucked. At 20 I ignored my birthday and 21 I got shitfaced again, but this time legally. Then this year I happened to find myself in the area after a hunt. So I walked into that Egyptian restaurant, I got myself dinner and some baklava, found the nearest movie theater and watched, uh," he falls quiet for a moment, thinking hard, "I don't remember the movie's name, it was pretty forgettable I'll be honest. But it was the best day I'd had in longer than I'd like to admit. Whenever I closed my eyes I could almost feel my family sitting next to me. My dad's lame jokes, my mom's laughter. Annie stealing food off my plate when she thought I wasn't looking..." Horus is quiet for a moment. "Sorry, I'm making it about me again."

Lincoln turns over in his arms to face him. "It's alright. Honor their memory instead of burying it deep, right?"

"Yeah. But, if you do wanne just laze around all day and watch shitty movies I'm down for that too." he tightens his arms around him a little. 

Lincoln hums, lying his head back down on Horus' chest, and he wonders if Lincoln could hear how his heart raced. Neither of them would spend another birthday alone if he had any say in it. They lay there a little while longer in comforting quiet.

Lincoln rouses after a while, quieting Horus' whine with an achingly sweet kiss as he heaves himself off the couch. "I think I know what I want to do today."

***

Their first stop was Westchester Elementary. Lincoln hadn't told Horus what exactly they'd be up to, wanting it to be a surprise. It was a warm autumn day, the warmth of summer not quite gone yet. 

The sounds of children playing outside  accompanied by a quiet ambiance of rustling leaves and birds' song. It was strange how nice Westchester could be when horrible men and creatures weren't actively terrorizing it. 

"So, this is where baby Linc took his first steps into becoming a menace to society?" 

He rolls his eyes, but smiles regardless, "You know Russ, I don't actually know much about what you were like as a kid." 

"Me? A model student once they got me to stop cutting up my clothes." 

"That's what I thought." he holds out his hand, and by now it's second nature for Horus to grasp it as they walk along. Lincoln leads them to the side of the building, stopping before they round the corner. 

"Close your eyes for me?" 

For me.

The gentleness in Linc's voice over shadows any dirty jokes in Horus' mind. He simply smiles, "Alright." letting Lincoln lead him a little further away with his eyes closed. 

He stops Horus, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around. 

"Okay, now, open your eyes." 

So he does. And before him, Horus sees something that was-

A stunningly painted mural adorned the old plaster, a deep indigo blue of a night sky, swirling into the yellows and pinks of dawn. Against that backdrop was the silhouette of a woman, leading a chain of children of different ages toward the light of a new day under a bright shining star. More stars dotted the dark sky, painted in such a way that they almost seem to shimmer in the sunlight. Among them Horus managed to recognize a few constellations; the Scales of Libra, Aries the Ram, the Eagle Aquila, the Archer Orion-

His eyes flit to Lincoln, who in turn is watching him with searching eyes and a kind smile. 

"It's gorgeous." Horus says after another breath. It was hard to put into words, but it felt as if a hopeful wish had been put into every brushstroke. 

Having apparently found what he was looking for, Lincoln turns to the mural. "My mother painted this. She told me she started the first draft a few weeks after she found out she was pregnant. The actual mural didn't go up until I enrolled here, and I got special permission to 'help' her out during recess." 

They walk up close, where painted in white, surprisingly neat, yet childish letters;

LINCOLN & 

and then in a beautiful curling script;

Silvia McQuoid

Lincoln traces his fingers along the letters, closing his eyes, a smile painting his lips. 

"There's more murals like these all around town. She'd always say this was her way of giving back a little kindness into the world. Something to inspire people." his eyes open again, looking up at the silhouette. "A couple were painted before I was born, but I loved coming along whenever I could. She always insisted that even if I just painted a single line, that I'd put my name up next to hers."

"She sounds awesome, wish I could have met her."

"She would have loved you, I'm sure of it." 

Horus laughs, "Ha! You're just saying that because I'm your boyfriend." 

Lincoln bumps his shoulder, "I mean it, Russ. Someone so full of life like you? She'd be making wedding plans after our first date." 

Horus was not a shy or bashful man by a long shot, so the blush creeping up to his ears and the sudden stutter in his throat caught him off guard. His eyes flick over to Lincoln, who also seems to realize what he'd said with a start. He didn't want to read into it too much, his racing mind already looking for a way to change the topic, but a small voice in the back of his head tells him that if Lincoln had asked him right here, right now, that he would not mind at all. But then a suitable deflection comes to mind, blurted out a little too tense, a little too fast. 

"I already promised to take you out for dinner today, no need to butter me up."

"Maybe I'm hoping to get free dessert too." 

"I dunno, you find me a dark and quiet corner and I can get right on that if you're so impatient." 

"At an elementary school? Really?" 

"Ah, you're right. So are we going to your highschool next? Behind the bleachers maybe." 

Lincoln laughs again, "Speaking of dinner, there's a few more murals I wanted to show you. Come on." Linc turns to head back to the motorcycle. 

It was like a light bulb flickering to life over Horus' head as he realized exactly what he would get Lincoln for his birthday. He pulls out his phone, sending out a dozen texts as they walk, nearly missing the helmet Linc tosses him. 

The last message is off and confirmed by the time they reach the second mural, and hours blur by as they ride all over Westchester. Every painting is somehow more gorgeous than the last, accompanied by anecdotes from Lincoln about inspirations, color choices, meanings. It was something incredibly dear to his heart, anyone could tell. 

Horus steps up close to Lincoln, leaving a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?" 

"Sharing this with me. But," he reaches his hand into Linc's back pocket, pulling out the motor keys, "I have a surprise for you too." 

Lincoln raises a brow, but doesn't make to grab for the keys. "Where are we going exactly?" 

"Ah-ah, wouldn't be a surprise anymore if I told you. But it's close by, I promise."

***

It's a short drive over. Horus parks the motor out on the side of the road, walking ahead down an alleyway to the back. 

And as his friends had promised, strewn around a blank wall was everything needed to paint a mural of their own. 

Brushes in all sizes, a dozen different colors of paint, lights that illuminated a smooth, blank canvas waiting to be filled. Off to the side lay a cooler filled with drinks, and a bag full of takeout food. 

"But how…?"

Horus counts it off on his fingers, "Had Connor call in some favors at city hall for the permit, Lia brought the food, Joss got us drinks, Dee and Noah took care of the supplies, aaand," Horus lets out a sharp whistle, and Abel appears from around the corner carrying a cake, followed by the rest of their merry little gang. A chorus of "Happy birthday, Lincoln." rises from the group. Joss rolls her eyes. 

"I'm just here for the cake." she nods her head toward Abel. 

Linc's eyes grow wide."Is that…?" 

"My mom's recipe? Yeah, I promised, didn't I?" 

Horus pulls a lighter from his pocket, lighting the candles. 

"Happy birthday to you." Abel starts, and Horus, Amalia, Connor and Dee are quick to join in, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lincoln, happy birthday to youuu." 

The look in Lincoln's eyes is part horrified, part touched and wholly embarrassed as the song comes to an end. 

"C'mon make a wish." 

Lincoln walks up and thinks for a moment, and if Horus wasn't head over heels before, then the way that the candlelight flickered in Linc's eyes surely would have done the trick now. The moment passes as he closes his eyes, blowing out the candles in one big breath. 

"Let's see if this cake lives up to the hype." Noah walks up, knife in hand, offering it to Lincoln to cut the first piece. 

Abel looks offended, "You doubt my baking skills?" 

"Cut him some slack," Connor says, "being a ghost for a few years made him forget his manners." 

Noah just shrugs, taking back the knife to cut up pieces for the rest as Lincoln takes the first one. 

The silence is broken by an incredibly inappropriate moan from Lincoln that almost sets something off in Horus. But that would have to wait until he had him all to himself.

"Just as good as you remember?" Abel says, unable to keep a large, goofy grin off his face. 

"Better somehow." he takes another large bite. 

Horus is handed a piece next and wastes no time shoving a large piece into his mouth. "Oh shit, this is good." Agreements ring out as everyone digs in. Their impromptu party is however quite short lived.

"As much as I wish I could stay," Abel says, "I was in the middle of grading papers that I really need to finish by tomorrow."

 Amalia pipes up, "I should go too, I got a long drive ahead to get back in time for my lectures tomorrow if I want to get any sleep. Cake was totally worth it, though." 

Connor walks up to Dee and Noah, slinging his arms around their shoulders. "The three of us promised Harper we'd stop by tonight to check something out, so we should get going too." 

Jocelyn grabs another bite off the last slice of cake. "And I'm not hanging around to play third wheel to these two, so bye."

Horus waves her off. "Good night, Joss." 

"Night, Red. Keep the old man’s spine intact.”

“Old man? I’m not even 30 yet.” Lincoln replies.

“I make no promises about his ability to walk tomorrow.”

Jocelyn grins, “Nice.” and heads off.

Abel hangs back for a moment, watching the others leave. He walks over to Lincoln, whose eyes still betray his feelings of guilt. Apologies were exchanged a while ago, but Horus could tell that Lincoln still had a hard time letting go of the hurt he caused. 

"Abel, I-" but his words are cut off as Abel envelopes him in a hug. Lincoln hesitates for a moment, before hugging him back. 

Abel lets him go, a kind smile on his face. "Happy birthday, old friend." he turns to Horus, giving him a nod, and Horus nods back. 

And just like that it was only the two of them left again. Horus polishes the last crumbs off his plate, quietly thanking Abel and his mother for what was maybe the best cake he'd had, ever. 

Lincoln walks up and hugs him tightly, burying his face in Russ' neck. And now it was Horus' turn to stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he returns the gesture. 

"Thank you," the words are a quiet murmur against the crook of his shoulder. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it." 

"No, I liked spending the day with you. You doing this for me? I love it. I-" he hesitates on the word. Lincoln pulls back a bit, cupping Russ' face in his hands. "It means a lot to me. I just don't know what to paint." 

He pulls him in for a kiss, short and sweet. But being pressed up against Lincoln's back all day on the motorcycle has left Horus with a desire for something more than that. He walks Lincoln backwards until his back hits the empty plaster wall, nearly tripping over a bucket of paint in his haste. He opens his mouth, and it was delicious, both of them still tasting of whipped cream and cake. 

Lincoln flips them, so Russ' back is now to the wall and pulls back. A groan escapes him as he leans forward after Lincoln, 

"Don't move." he places another kiss along his jaw. 

"Hm?" 

"I just figured out what I want to paint."

Horus stood there, chest heaving, pupils blown wide. "You're just going to leave me like this?" 

He laughs, a bright and joyful sound, "I didn't exactly bring lube along." 

"I'll run to the corner store and make the most suspicious purchase of my fucking life, I'll even throw in some roses, don't test me."

Lincoln comes back with a bucket of paint and brush in hand. "You can do whatever you want to me back at my apartment. Just keep still." 

He opens the can, a deep blue, and gets to work tracing an outline around Horus, lingering around his hands, leaving kisses as he goes along. Up his arm, over his shoulder, a kiss under his ear. 

"You're making it very hard to stand still, you know." 

"Better keep at it. Don't want to get paint in your hair- hold out your hand a little."

Horus does as asked, moving as little as possible, as Lincoln traces the paint over his head and down his right side. 

Lincoln steps back, admiring his handiwork- or maybe admiring Horus. With the way his eyes darted around it was hard to tell. He turns, reaching for a new brush and another can of bright red paint. It doesn't escape Russ that it's the same shade as the color of his hair. Lincoln holds them out for him to take. 

Horus shakes his head "I'm not much of an artist."

"Just the rough outline, I'll take care of the details." Lincoln stands with his back against the wall, hand overlapping with the silhouette of Horus beside him. 

"Alright, fine. For the birthday boy." 

Horus then realized that he probably had not held a paintbrush in his hands in a decade, if not more. He wasn't nervous per se, but still very cautiously went to work, part of him afraid to mess it all up. He kneels down to get started by Lincoln's legs. The red paint stands in stark contrast against the gray wall, overflow dripping down, and suddenly Horus freezes. 

His hands shake, breath catching in his throat, whole body tense and ready to spring. Blood dripping down the brush, out of a creature's mouth, covering his hands his eyes seeping into his chest the ground thick in the air-

A hand clamps on his arm and distantly his name reaches his ears -"Russ!"- his father telling him to run, Annie calling after him- he tries to pull away, hand balling into a fist so tight that his knuckles ran white, nails digging into his palm, fight or flight instincts setting in and he was afraid and wanted to, no had to fight there was no one else left-

"Horus!" Lincoln's hands frame his face, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

"I'm-" the word comes out as a ragged breath. Adrenaline ebbs out, his heart still racing at a thousand miles a minute, but he was back in the here and now at least. Realizing what had just happened, Horus slaps on his trademark grin, the gesture not quite reaching his eyes. "I'll get lost in your eyes like this." 

"You're shaking." 

His hands still tremble a bit as he pries himself loose, "Low blood sugar, you know how it is. Maybe we should eat some of the take-out before it goes completely cold." he drops the brush back into the bucket, avoiding looking at it too closely. 

"Horus-"

"There's one with chicken and one with beef, which do you want?"

Lincoln wraps himself around him from behind, plucking the beef noodles from the bag. "Talk to me, Russ. You were gone for a moment there." 

Horus hops up onto a crate, opening his food up, his voice quiet, but finding its confidence as he talks. "Ugh. It doesn't usually happen, red is my favorite color, and I've seen worse whenever I need to dye my hair again- seriously makes my bathroom look like someone died there." he lets out a breath, combing his fingers through his hair, "but, I guess the paint just… took me off guard. I'll be fine after I eat something." 

Lincoln sits next to him, frowning, 

"I should have realized-" 

"Don't. Don't start pitying me or, fuckin' saying its your fault. We were just making such good progress in getting you to stop blaming everything on yourself-" 

"That's not true," Linc says matter-of-fact, "I blame plenty on Matthias." 

Horus laughs. "True. But, yeah. I don't want my little episode to ruin this. I won't let it." He nods over, gesturing for Lincoln to go stand at the wall once they're done eating. 

His hand still shakes a little as he traces the outline around him, but everything was further from Horus' mind now. Focus on the motions, focus on his warmth, his voice-

"Look at that. You're a natural." Lincoln says as he draws the final line, vaguely linking the hands of the silhouettes together. 

"Are you gonna start pulling out gold stars next, or what?" He grabs himself a soda from the cooler, and a beer for Lincoln,

"Is that something I'll need to keep in mind?" 

"Everyone likes being told they're doing a good job, no? Don't worry about the drinking by the way, I'll drive us back." 

"Sure, but if I start lamenting about Naruto, cut me off." 

"No, please tell me more about how Naruto and that black haired guy were totally in love." 

"Oh, like you're any better about your space movies." 

"I just have a lot of feelings about the Clones, okay!" 

Conversation flows and time flies as Horus watches Lincoln get to work. It was mesmerizing to see how the piece came together, stroke by stroke; two silhouettes, hand in hand with a ribbon tying their hands together. Horus' figure set in a royal blue, Lincoln framed by an explosive red, the tie that binds them red on one side, blue on the other. The message rang clear; I’m a part of you, you’re a part of me.

"Now all that's left," Lincoln cracks open a black can of paint, dipping in a smaller brush. "is signing it."

He signs his name in beautiful curling letters;

Lincoln & 

Before holding out the brush to Horus, who glady, if a bit messily, adds his name underneath;

Horus Asar

[dysphoriccanada]

my entire childhood i was terrified of admitting things about me or opening up because i was scared my family wouldnt understand. i was the first born grandchild, i was the eldest daughter, i was academically gifted, and i often felt i was more a possession you show off at dinner parties than the nine year old who wanted to share an ice cream. i wouldnt verbalize how touching without me initiating made my skin crawl, how not knowing what to eat at a restaurant made me want to cry, or how loud and unexpected things made me paranoid for days. i didnt want to shatter their reality because then theyd just be left with me. and i wasnt sure thats what they wanted.

when i turned sixteen, my doctor presented me with a task. she told me she wanted me to pay attention to every action around me; take in all the details, keep a journal of the tiniest moments. she wanted me to try and focus on the little good moments, to help me see the good in mine and my families relationships. i never took her seriously when she said these things, but i did it anyways, for laughs, and for something to do.

the entries started small at first. my sister making a point to come find me at lunch to see if i was eating anything. my mom standing next to me while i cried because the binder i ordered didnt fit. my dad keeping a playlist of music we both liked equally when we had to drive somewhere together. things i felt that they did only because that was a very normal action or reaction.

then i made a mistake, and i spent christmas of 2018 in the hospital, and my nites on the little things kept piling up. my dad came to see me every day on his lunch break without fail. my mom brought me a new book every couple of days. my sister called every night (she was and still is terrified of hospitals) to say a prayer for me. my dad bought me a stuffed animal that reminded me of my childhood dog, and my sister sent him her chore money so he could get me a better blanket after mom mentioned i didnt like how stiff the hospital sheets were.

i chalked it up to me being in a delicate place, and they didnt want me to feel like i was disappointing them. my doctor told me to keep writing in the journal. the little things started to become more noticeable after i got home.

my dad and i dont hug and we never really have. but he always stands close enough that i can press my forehead to his shoulder or lets me grab his sleeve when im stressed. my mom has trouble with my name, but she’s always the first to introduce me as her son, because thats the title that matters most. my sister doesnt like talking about her problems and hates when i try to involve myself with her relationship status, but im the first person she calls when she needs to talk during a drive, or when shes freaking out over an assignment.

then my doctor told me to take notice of the rest of my family. the ones i was so scared of tellling.

my grandma doesnt make me talk to her, but she scrunches up her nose and eyes at me across the table to show me she’s acknowledging im there. my papa keeps a copy of every school picture of me in his wallet. my mothers sister cried when i told her, then made her husband grab me a beer so i could practice pretending to like it because she didnt want her son to try and crack any jokes about me not being man enough to chug. the quilt thats been on my bed at my grandparents for the past three years has been the same, but i only noticed the tiny signature on the corner last week, telling me its a quilt my great grandmother made.

my cousin told me i was his little brother always, and his girlfriend told me im always welcome in their home and that the upstairs spare bedroom is pretty much mine whenever i need it. my best friend of seventeen years gets me that cheesy “birthday boy” ribbon from the dollar store every year without fail. my coworker told me her son - who i babysit - wanted to invite me to “boys day” with him and his dad.

my entire childhood i was so focused on the big picture of all the things my family didnt do - things i didnt even want to happen in the first place - that i was completely lost on all the things they did do. my family loved me. just only in the ways they thought i would better understand.

im 22 this year. on monday my grandma is taking me to the hospital so i can get bloodwork done. im getting my natural hormone levels tested so that my doctor knows how much testosterone i’ll need for my shots. afterwords she wants to show me her recipe for honey-bread, and my papa wants me to sit with him and watch some new nature documentaries. my sister cant wait to get home for reading week so i can braid her hair the way she likes and read her study notes out loud so she can retain them better. my mom and i are gonna visit her side of the family so i can tell them the good news. and my dad - with our updated playlist - is gonna help me assemble my new bookshelf.

it’s the little things.

[amnotaqueen]

They May Mean Well, But...

Members in the congregation can mean well. Some want to help, but don't know how to help. Some don't really want to help, especially depending on what someone needs help with.

Sometimes, I feel like, if I were a male I would stand a chance of getting more and better support from the elders. They could relate to me better if I were a male. There wouldn't be the factor of the male/female dynamic that calls into question whether or not any relationship might develop that is inappropriate. They think like males, of course, and are unable to think like a female to help me. They have wives and do so for their wives and daughters, but they are unwilling or uncomfortable to do so with me. Also, I am black. They are not (in this area). Another factor that distances them from me, and could even prejudice them against me to some degree.

So the situation looks like this to me: I'm married to a narcissist who is emotionally abusive, financially abusive, is a bully to myself and our child, the elders in the congregation minimize or flat out don't acknowledge any narcissistic abuse I and my son suffer, they opt to not take sides as if there can be no victim with which to side in a marriage because everything including fault and blame must be shared 50/50 in a marriage, they don't seem to want to take the time to get into the specifics of what actually is going on in the marriage, nor do they seem educated on what Narcissism is and how the victim of narcissistic abuse is affected. No one seems to believe me and treats my husband like any other beloved brother. If I'm asked how I'm doing, I never know if they really want to know, if I should tell them the truth, give details or not. My feeling is that it is all just formality and I should not answer as if they want a real answer. It makes it difficult for me to feel all that close to anyone.

Imagine a child (older or younger) telling its Mom (or any other beloved family member) that their dad was abusing (physical, emotional, or any other type) them in secret and the mom cuts the child off without hearing all the details and tells the child that he/she should forgive the father, that he is a good man ( even when the father has given no indication of wanting to stop abusing or no indication of being sorry), he is such a good provider, he works hard and is a good worker, so just deal with the abuse even though the child feels like the abuse is severely and negatively impacting his/her health. And when the abusive father is home the mother after being told of the abuse, acts no differently toward the father, still talks to him the same, interacts with him and smiles, kisses him, and socializes with him in the exact same manner as before being told of the abuse. The child then feels betrayed by the mom, diminished even though the mom said she loves the child. The child doesnt feel believed, loved, or supported. Now, the child doesnt even know how to act around the mom and wonders if she is really loved by her.

I have told the elders about the abuse. It's minimized and not viewed as serious or anything they can help with. I can't be believed or sided with. Sisters dont want to help in this type of situation. If all I want is to work in the ministry with them, and I always seemed happy, never spoke of my narcissistic abuse, was able to pretend I was fine when I'm not, then everything would be ok as far as relating with other sisters.

So instead of getting compassion, empathy, understanding long term support, I'm getting asked things like:

"What do you do all day?" Because I'm not working. Therefore, I should be in the ministry more. They have asked this repeatedly. A sister told me, "I used to work two jobs AND I pioneered(full time minister). " Recently a brother said to me, "You must have a lot of free time." He told me that it must be nice not to have to work. These brothers and sisters don't take into account that I'm married to and living with a narcissist, for TEN years. They don't take into account that my husband does not want to spend a dime on me, my husband is selfish and will create more work for me to do just to have what he wants, does not love me, is cruel to me, neglects me, does not support me, does not take interest in me, but only insults and complains and makes demands for all 10 years of our marriage. They don't take into account that I have a special needs child with behaviors and issues that are stressful and exhausting. Whereas these other sisters' husband's love them, support them, help them. Their husbands dont have them riding cars with bald tires. Their husbands dont mess up the kitchen at night after they have finished cleaning the kitchen causing them to clean the kitchen twice before going to bed. Their husbands help cook and clean. Their husbands give affection and talk to them. Their husbands dont abuse their children verbally and physically. They have a good support system and friends because they are not depressed and dont have ptsd from chronic abuse. Their children have no or mild issues if any. It doesnt take their children one hour to eat a meal. They don't have to redirect their children every 20 seconds so they can make it to school or the meetings on time. They can go places with their children without fear of having to prevent a meltdown or get their child out of a meltdown that was not prevented. My situation has taken a toll on my mental, physical, emotional health. My energy is low and stress is high. I'm trying to keep my brain working. Sometimes people think you can't have health problems unless you are old. I'll be honest, it is hurtful to me when people are trying to low-key shame me into not doing more in the ministry because they think I should be able to do more when they don't know (don't want to know) what I'm dealing with. I don't hear, 'I'm so sorry you are dealing with what you are dealing with...''It must be so difficult...' I don't ever hear words in my defense or in support of me. They don't want to talk about the big issue of narcissistic abuse. They want to talk about everything else. They will talk about my son and his issues. They will talk about me being in the ministry more. They don't know the effort it takes me to just get to the meetings and try to participate. But if I talk about how I'm treated at home, how my husband is really, then I'm ghosted.

[rensoneshots]

kiss me one more time 2.9 (the end)

laughing at some joke draco had made, the brunnet took a sip of his dring, the blond followed queue.

minuts later

"harry, let's go somewhere without him" jinny said with descust on the word 'him' while grabing the now lovstruck boy.

"o-oh ok" he replyed with one of those slopy smiles.

(i might go back and fix this part but ply not)

D, sadly: where are you going?

H: with my girlfriend. where are you going malfoy, oh wait, your to dumb to do anything.

D: ??

H: im sorry but you bullyed me for so many fucking years and made my life hell, i made a commtment to jin and i love her"

J: you should go now, he doesnt like you and never did; no one likes you.

H: why would anyone ever want you around? your useless and deserve anything. your life was handed to you on a plate and you pretend like everyone will bow down to you like your the king of the world or some stupid shit like that.

J: all of that money and yet it wouldnt be a wast is ou just died.

draco was sobbing at this point (lets face it, jinny is the real villan in this story) "wait! dont go" he paused "what did you do to the nice harry i knew? what did i do wrong? please i love you harry." but honistly, the blond thought the same things they were saying, and maybe he would be beter off dead.

H: i love you jinny

and with that they left

draco wanted to hear those words so much, but not to that girl. no. notgirl, thing. that fucking thing. why did she get to hear it and smile back at him. and the fact that they think that his life was so good, they dont know about snape, or the things his father says. 

whould harry every love him again? or would it always be hatred? 

the blond caught up to the other two. (btw i know this isnt how it works in HP but in KMOMT, i want love potions to work like this) "harry, i... hear me out, i love you and i know you love me too. jinny has you under some sort of potion. theres something wrong with you." he pleaded.

"i dont know what your talking about, i love my girlfriend"

draco extended a hand to harry's cheak, it was quickly slaped away. "please just kiss me, it wount happen again. i promis. please. kiss me again. kiss me one more time"

blankly harry replyed "no" and they just walked away

(if you want a happy ending then: harry kisses draco and they fall in love again. if not then be prepared for what comes next)

 3 days latter

draco sat on his bed with tears running down his face, harry and jinny had just insulted him. "a-avada kadavra" he said softly

hewas later found by snape, who was angered and wanted to fuck the  boy for skiping class that day. inideatly he called in dumbledor who found that note.

it read:

ues, i killed my self. harry, jinny is doing something to you, don't let her keep poising you. i love you. and snape, why did you do that to me?  you beat me and raped me yet you never told me why. i think that everyone should know that you are a tarable person and deserve to be locked up. mother, im sorry and i love you

                                                                          -draco malfoy

the end

an: ok wow that took way longer than i thought it would but i hope you enjoyed the last 600ish words

[sunphroggy]

alright I have an au idea that im about to badly explain but it's a little strange so stick with me.

I call it: 'The Parent Trap but Opposite' au

So picture this: Tommy is Phil's only child, right. His mother died in childbirth so for his entire eight years of life its just been him and Phil. And that's fine, that's great, he loves it. Tommy doesn't want another addition to the family, it would only screw everything up.

That being said, Phil is lonely. Don't get him wrong, he loves his son and loves spending time with him, but he misses the feeling of being in love. He misses his wife.

Enter, Kristen.

They meet on a blind date, set up by a friend from Phil's work, and hit it off instantly. Months pass and Phil wants to propose.

One problem though. He hasnt told Tommy about it. He hasn't even introduced Kristen to him.

So what better way to merge both families that a holiday?

(I should probably say here that Kristen also has children. Take a wild guess who they are.)

Tommy is all for a holiday. Two weeks at a fancy ass hotel with room service, an arcade and a pool? Sign him up!

That is until, he finds out that Kristen and her boys will be joining them.

Enter, Wilbur and Techno.

(They're about fourteen. Their parents are divorced and, unlike Tommy, they knew Kristen was seeing Phil. They alse know that Phil is gonna propose - well, it's just a hunch)

Phil, god bless him, tries his hardest to get Tommy to warm up to Kristen, Wilbur and Techno. He plans all these activities and takes them all shopping, to the beach, to waterparks ect. But Tommy just won't take to them; he doesn't mind Kristen but Wilbur and Techno are weird, they keep making these cryptic comments about how they're going to be seeing eachother a lot in the future and Tommy just does not understand.

That is, until they decide to let Tommy in on the obvious.

Tommy, as expected, is in denial. Because there's no way his dad would do something like that without telling him first. Besides, Phil doesn't need to get married, they're perfectly happy just the two of them.

There's just no way.

Right?

Wrong.

Because Tommy is a curious little shit and he ransacks his and Phil's hotel room in search for the ring. He doesn't find it, of course, because Phil is used to Tommy's little raccoon tactics and hid it properly. But when he comes back from dinner with Kristen to a destroyed room and a confused Tommy, he decides to tell him the truth.

Needless to say Tommy has a fit. One moment, he's happy; just him and dad, living life. And then this lady and her shitty sons come along and fucks that up

(I imagine the conversation being something like:

Phil: Yeah im gonna propose Kristen

Tommy, inhaling deeply: *screams*

And then it would proceed to reinact that once scene from Steven universe with ruby and sapphire like-

phil: he'll eventually tire himself out :'D

Tommy, making even more of a mess than he already has: that's what you think! I am an eternal flame baby!! >:(

Yeah.)

Tommy, ever the drama queen, storms to Wilbur and Techno - who are like "we told you so :/" - and the three of them (because Techno and Wilbur also do not want this little racoon gremlin hybrid in their home either) team up and plan to ruin the proposal. The only problem, they don't know when Phil is gonna actually propose.

And this...this is where the hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

They just like, constantly ruin Phil and Kristen's date nights with their dumb shit.

(I'm thinking shit like the three of them stacked on each others shoulders in a trench coat pretending to be a waiter at the hotel restaurant Phil and Kristen are eating at and constantly spilling drinks and food of them whenever it looks like Phil is about to pop the question; following them on walks under the stars, hiding in bushes with binoculars and making birds attack them; tackling Phil into the pool ect. ect. ect.)

But, plot twist, while pulling off these epic plans, the three of them...bond! Dun dun dunnnnn!!! Wilbur and Techno actually grow to like Tommy and think "Hey, maybe this kid ain't so bad" so they back out on the plans and try to convince Tommy to do the same. He won't.

(Meanwhile, Phil is just wondering why all his proposal attempts have gone so fucking wrong like???)

Anyways, fast forward. Its the last day of their holiday the two families go out for dinner. Its nice, they're having a good time, Kristen is chatting away to Tommy about Minecraft and Tommy is happy to tell her all about his favourite game. And then, Phil clears his throat.

He starts talking about Kristen and how happy he makes her, and Tommy can tell what's coming the moment Phil reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small black box. And, in a final attempt to keep the life he has, Tommy snatches the box out of Phil's hand and fucking runs.

He runs right out of the restaurant, ignoring everyone calling after him, and doesn't stop running until he's on the beach, where he hides. And he cries. He cries because his dad is gonna replace him with Techno and Wilbur, and he misses his mum even though he never met her, and because this he knows that stealing a ring and running away isn't gonna stop this proposal from happening, and because the only family dynamic he knows is going to change and he isn't ready for that. And it's just a big angst moment.

And then some fluff.

Kristen finds him hidden by the rocks, and Tommy quickly pretends he wasn't just crying bc he's a big man and shit like that. He half expects her to immediately call for Phil and then for Phil to disown him, but instead she sits with him.

She asks if he's OK and when he doesnt answer her she just goes on talking about random things as if Tommy didn't just ruin their entire holiday (about shit like how she thought the cake at the restaurant was too dry and about the stars and different constellations and she even continues asking him about minecraft) and Tommy, after a while, talks back to her.

They talk for a while, arguing about the best Minecraft block (Tommy wholeheartedly defending cobblestone like his life depends on it) until eventually Kristen asks why he did what he did. And Tommy explains everything (that can basically be summed up in "I'm scared of change")

It's just a wholesome moment really. They're just sitting behind a bunch of rocks, Tommy is spilling his guts and Kristen is just listening. And at then end of it she's there to give him a big hug.

(I imagine Tommy saying that one cliche line "please don't hurt my dad" and Kristen being like "I wouldn't dream of it" and then Tommy gives her the ring box)

But yeah, happy ending! Phil proposes to Kristen on the beach and it's all happy and nice and cool and Tommy, Techno and Wilbur watch and Techno starts crying a little bc he's so happy for his mum.

...

I came up with this last night when I couldn't sleep.

[l-egionaire]

This is something made from a chat between me and @ordinaryschmuck.

Just imagine Vee attending Luz's human school and on her first day, she notices how everyone either avoids her on sight or mocks her. Whenever she tries to talk to people they scoff just call her a freak. Then she runs into one of Luz's old bullied who makes fun of her and even tries to take the hexes-hold um cards she had on hand. Vee is so scared and panicked that she punches the bully hard, but she's the one who gets in trouble because the teachers don't believe her due to Luz's bad reputation and the bully pretending to be innocent

Bully: Come on Noceda, We've been doing this since 4th grade. You should know how this works by now.

Of course, unlike Luz, Vee tells Camila and when she hears about all of this, she knows she has to have a talk with Luz.

Assume that this take place in an AU where Luz is domehow able to contact the Human World using titans blood and a pair of mirrors)

So, the next time Luz contacts home, her friends standing off to the side as she speaks with her mom Camila reveals what Vee had told her about what the kids at school did.

Luz has no choice but to admit that those kids had indeed been bullying her for years and they even made sure that the other kids all ignored her or thought she was a weirdo by spreading terrible rumors about her.

And Camila ends up asking the obvious question: Why had Luz never told her about this?

Luz admits that she saw how long and hard Camila worked and didn't want to burden her with her problems after she already made her deal with so many issues due to her getting into trouble. She also, tearfully, admits there was another reason.

Luz: Whenever I tried to tell a teacher or someone else they....they never believed me. They always took the bullies side. I was just scared that... maybe you wouldn't believe me either. That you would take their side too.

Camila: Mija, I would always take your side

Luz: Then why did you send me to summer camp?

Camila falters.

Camila: Because...Because you kept doing such reckless things! The snakes, and, and the fireworks-!

Luz: I DID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I WANTED SOMEONE TO NOTICE ME! I just..wanted one person to look at me and not just ignore me or call me a freak. 😪

Luz finally breaks down and admits she doesnt want to go back to Earth to have to face that.

Luz: "Here I have friends and an awesome girlfriend and...and people who care about me besides just you! Mom, I'm sorry. I love you, but I don't want to go back to being that weirdo freak who no one wants to be around! I...I can't go back to being alone."

Camila: But you're not alone. You have me!

Luz: And that's not always enough!

Camila looked at her in shock.

Luz: You're gone so much at work. And, even then, you're the only one who actually cares about me! If I vanished or something happened to me, no one else would care!

Luz begins crying heavily, her whole body shaking with her sobs.

Luz: I just wanted to be able to get someone else to care about me and, and LOVE me. Like you did. But...but I never could. And after a while I started thinking maybe...maybe I just wasn't someone other people could love.

A tear drops from Camila's eye. She wanted nothing more to hold her daughter and help her but she was stuck, both on the other side of the mirror and an entire world away. Hearing Luz say things like that-that no one else cared about her, that she might not be someone that could be loved- shattered her heart into pieces.

But then, Amity comes over and hugs Luz from behind.

Amity: I love you.

Then Willow comes over and hugs her.

Willow: I love you too.

Then Gus.

Gus: Me too.

Next Eda comes and holds her.

Eda: Don't even think for a second I don't too kid.

King hops onto Luz's head with tears in his eyes.

King: IVE NEVER LOVED ANYTHING LIKE IVE LOVED YOU!

And seeing Luz crying into her friends arms, as she was finally getting the love and appreciation she'd craved all these years, it finally hit Camilla. How her daughter had felt so alone and unlovable for so long. How she'd failed to notice how much Luz was hurting. How the bright light of her life who's smile always made her feel better was now so sad and crushed, and in pain and it was because she was so ignorant, Camila just...cracks. she falls to the ground and starts brokenly crying, beating herself up inside for not seeing this before it had become such a problem.

Vee put an arm around Camila to comfort her and once Luz sees her mother crying, she immediately feels guilty because she thinks telling her about all of this made her feel bad.

Luz: Mom, I'm sorry! I-i shouldn't have said all that! I shouldn't have told you-!

Camila: NO! Don't you dare say that! I needed to know that! Don't ever apologize or feel upset about how feeli g how you do!

Luz: But...but I made you cry.

Camila: And I made you feel alone. Unloved.

Luz: No. You didn't. Everyone else made me feel like that.. You were the only person that made me feel like I actually mattered.

Luz wipes away her tears and gets a genuine smile on her face.

Luz: Coming home to be with you after being ignored and bullied at school were the best parts of my days. Hanging out with you, and watching movies with you, or going out into the woods with you to play...those were the times when I never felt alone. Mom, you were never why I left. You're the only reason I even think about going back home.

Overwhelmed by their emotions, Luz and Camila stamp themselves against their sides of the mirror and cry into them. The others just watch in silence as they whisper "I love you" and "I'm sorry" and the like to each other. Letting out all their love for each other and soothing the stings of the past caused by lies.

[joskippy]

!!! ARCHIVIST MARTIN HEADCANONS PLS !!!

OHOHOH FELLA YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HCS I HAVE FOR THIS AU

Literally all of this is going under a read more because I have this entire au mapped out in detail but basically I find the idea of Archivist!Martin very interesting because it's just changing one detail of the entire podcast and it completely alters the story.

(Under the read more is basically my entire idea for this au from season one to season four)

What happens in this au is that Elias hires and appoints Martin as head archivist because of the fact he was already deeply alligned with the lonely and was a interests of the webs. He lacked any real connection outside of the archives and was already of interest of two entities, he's basically a perfect candidate to become archivist. Tim, Sasha, and especially Jon are hesitant to be working under someone who they don't know and hold a slight grudge against Martin at the start for being obviously unqualifed for his job. Tim and Sasha, of course, immediately become more understanding when finding out about Martin's cv and just assuming he got unlucky and winded up with the role as the head archivist. Jon, on the other hand, still doesn't know about Martin's cv and continues holding the grudge against Martin.

Which leads us to season 1

In season one, Jon's opinion on Martin is "Oh lord this man I don't know is obviously unqualifed for his job and the role of archivist should've gone to my friend Sasha. I don't like this man but he is my boss so I will keep my mouth shut." Jon though, is still very passive agressive to Martin but is less of an ass to him in this au. Martin is very open about his opinion on statements and believes alot of them but similar to jon, will only record the ones that he knows have to be real. I still think Martin get's trapped in his flat by prentiss in this au, wanting to get more info for the case but not wanting to inconvenience any of his co-workers. While trapped in his flat, Jon takes over for him and records statements for Martin (Not in a "I want to impress my boss" matter but more of an "I'll show this twerp how it's really done") and realizes how much of toll it takes on him and how difficult the job is. When Martin comes back from his little worm adventure, Jon is much more nicer and understanding of him. Martin records what happened with him and prentiss and Jon offers him to stay in the little room he made for when he overstays at work. (Martin of course, is not happy with the fact Jon stays past work hours finishing up stuff but that doesnt matter). Y'know how the rest of s1 goes with the prentiss attack (Jon and Martin still share the heart to heart, Jon loses him and Tim in the tunnels) Jon finds Gertrude's body and it sparks his paranoia finding out she was shot to death and then we get to

Season 2

Jon's immediate assumption is that Martin killed Gertrude to get his job because like, he still doesn't know Martin well and then finds out this dude's predecessor got murdered so of course mr jon sims is going to go "oh so Martin for SURE murdered this lady." For the first half of the season, Jon pretends to be buddy buddy with Martin to see if anything's off with him and somewhere along the line Jon finds the noted Martin was writing to his mom in the trash and immediately assumes its about the murder. He catches Martin in his office and immediately corners Martin like "HEY I KNOW YOU KILLED GERTRUDE AND I GOT THE PROOF" and Martin just sighs and tells him about his cv and mother and Jon's opinion of Martin goes from "incompetent murderer who killed his predecessor to get his job and might kill me." to "highschool drop out whos just trying to make a living might end up being murdered too". With the not-sasha stuff it's sorta the same but Martin let's Jon in on some details of his suspicions on her. Martin get's framed for Jurgen's death and NOW WE ARE AT

Season 3

So since Martin obviously doesn't have a place to hide it at the start of season 3 so Jon offers him to stay at his place. Jon knows that Martin didn't kill Jurgen and is willing to take the risk of giving Martin a  place to stay. Martin, of course, is hesitant but takes the offer because he's been crushing on Jon for the past forever and definitely will take his chances in staying in hot guy's flat. You know the shenanigans of s3 (Martin get's burned by Jude, kidnapped by Daisy, kipdnapped by Nikola) and FINALLY get's back into the archives to apologize to Jon for being gone from the flat for so long and apologizes again cause he's about to go off to america. Martin get's kidnapped again, comes back to london, and now it's time to stop an apocalypse! ( Before the unknowing happens, Jon and Martin share a heart to heart and confess that they both share feelings for another and get together the day before 118 happens then shit goes DOWN ). Martin of course, goes off to the unknowing and Jon stays behind at the archives to distract Elias. Elias tries and fails to use Jon's feelings for Martin against him, then switches to what happened with Georgie and the dead women walking incidents against him, pinning it on him because of his connection with the web. Martin stops the unknowing, Jon comes home to the empty apartment and gets the news that Martin is in a coma. (He immediately blames it on himself) and now it's time for

Season 4

Jon losing Martin right after realizing that they both love each other absolutely tears him apart. He moves flats and he begins to separate himself from the rest of the archives and works with peter. Martin wakes up from his coma without anyone by his side and is told the news to him about his mom right the day after. S4 basically goes the same with Martin seeing Jon again finally after the coma and goes to hug him and tell him how much he missed him but Jon just stares at him like he saw a ghost and leaves without saying a word to him. Alot of their interactions are sparse, usually with Martin trying to spark a convo with Jon resulting in usually no response or just a head shake as he scutters off.  Then Martin finally is able to actually talk to Jon and tells him that he misses him and that maybe they could catch up sometime but Jon just laughs and tells him that hes busy. Martin later on finds out about how to cut off the connection with the eye and goes to tell Jon that they could leave the archives but Jon tells him that he can't and tells Martin he doesn't want to see him anymore and kicks Martin out his office. You know what happens in 158 and 159, it's basically the same and Jon and Martin settle down at the safehouse.

I don't have much for season 5 but I really like the idea that Martin is still optimistic even after the change and that he reassures Jon that he's gonna find a way to fix it when it reality he has no clue and it terrified to think about what is going to happpen to them. They don't stay in the cabin that long soon after since Martin is very eager to go to the pannopticon and ya! Yknow how it goes.

Im so sorry I wrote a whole essay worth of shit but this au means alot to me and i get very excited when people ask me about it!!

[mycptsdstory]

Me pretending that I'm talking to my mother;

Here's the thing "mummsie" you never cared. You can preach all you want, to your heart is content and when your blue in the face. You never cared.

IF you cared, you wouldn't ruin the friendships I had and I mean RUIN THEM FOR LIFE!

IF you cared, you wouldn't sabotage any relationship I ever had with someone.

IF you cared, you wouldn't lock me away and telling everyone "sHeS cOnTrOliNg mE" for you to 'act' like the fucking victim.

IF you cared, you wouldn't blackmail my friends mum's and make my own friends hate me, to the point they wanted me dead.

IF you cared, you wouldn't commit fraud in social services, writing fake referrals for your friends to be foster parents.

IF you cared, you wouldn't fall out with EVERY friend you've ever met.

IF you cared, you wouldn't sleep with your friends husband's and boyfriends because YOU WANTED to sabotage their relationships.

IF you cared, I wouldn't be bullied in school because you fucking told everyone about one mum that got raped. I know you got her raped, do not ever lie to me. I know you did it.

IF you cared, you would of stopped the sperm donor to rape me multiple times from the ages to 6-16. But no, I had to stop the rape.

IF you cared, you wouldn't blackmail your own friends for your own gain.

IF you cared, you wouldn't persuaded everyone that I was autistic and that "sHe nEeDs HeLp 24/7. sHe dOeSnT uNdErStAnD aNyThiNg". You would stop that, but no. YOU carried on, acting like I was dumb.

IF you cared, you wouldn't force me to date guys YOU find sexually attractive.

IF you cared, you wouldn't try to kill me.

IF you cared, you would let me eat food.

IF you cared, you wouldn't kicked me out of my own house, so I had to live in hotels.

But here's the thing, you would gaslight me, telling me that I'm the worst person and saying to EVERYONE "sHeS MaKiNg iT aLl uP aNd sHe jUsT wAnTs aTtEnTiOn".

IF you ever cared, you wouldn't hurt people for fun.

But here's another thing "mummsie' you're so deluded in your own mind, me calling you names, you just ignore me. Thinking that I do love you, when I never have loved you. You call me delusional, yet look at you.

For the crimes you committed, you deserve jail.