"bpd is this" "bpd is that"
can i just say bpd is more than a favorite person? i understand that part as ive experienced it but thats not all there is
as someone who doesnt currently have a "fp" i hate that thats all bpd tumblr is. js shit about your feelings towards other people, i understand but oh my god i wish there was more. it feels like romanticism of the mental illness that people are gifted the option of assisted su!c!de for. and thats not fucking right.
im sorry if this sounds rude or anything but it just makes me feel really alone in my illness and thats a shitty feeling to have, esp as someone who has bpd.
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i stopped taking any gummy vitamins years ago because i got a free trial of consumerlab.com to look up which vitamins weren't secretly sawdust and basically everything they had said "quality control and consistency on gummy vitamins is garbage, sometimes there's nothing in them and other times there's way more than there's supposed to be". so like. it's not just a melatonin thing. something about the process of making gummies makes consistency an absolute crapshoot. if you currently take gummy vitamins because you can't handle pills it's probably a good idea to see if you can switch to chewables instead.
(i am aware that the overall usefulness of vitamins/supplements is scientifically questionable but the list of foods that don't trigger either my gerd or my ibs is so short i like to take precautions, don't @ me about my decision to waste money on expensive pee)
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Okay, I was just thinking about a legal justice plotline in S3(meaning Wilhelm and Simon essentially having legal proceedings against August) and I don't think that we will get this in S3 at all but it's really really interesting to think about nevertheless.
Because usually in queer stories, coming out solves all the problems like a magical, fix-it-all solution and the mains live happily ever after. But YR heavily leans on realism and even if the S2 ending is an ambiguous but fitting ending for a queer show (sort of a coming out montage), it does not work for this show.
It has been repeatedly said by the cast and crew that Wilhelm's problem is not being queer, it's being a prince. The systemic traditions weighing on a person who can't even grieve his own brother without being shoved into empty traditions and a PR machiavelli. A person who cannot even fall in love with another person without a thousand worries crossing his mind in every move. A person who tried to confide in his own cousin but his privacy got shattered in front of the whole world instead. It's not that Wilhelm being queer itself is a problem. Instead the domino effect it would bring to people around him is the problem. And that's why it was such a task for Wilhelm to get his mother on board for the idea of a relationship with Simon- because everyone (and it includes Kristina) will try to enforce the heteronormative narrative again and again on him, pretending like his feelings don't matter because in the end, it's easier for them. It's easier for them to live in their centuries-old metaphorical gilded cages and try to enforce the traditions on the royal family itself because the monarchists and the rich (old AND new) thrive under the "stability" the monarchy provides to their social stature and their bulging pockets. Even August's motivations towards the crown are two-fold: he's not only in a constant want of power, but he is also a firm believer in continuing traditions and he directly benefits from the monarchy running as it is. And having the power in his hands will let him ensure that his own estates and rich-people solidarity is never threatened again.
But Wilhelm emerges as an anomaly in the system- he will not tie himself down to hollow traditions. And it threatens everyone's stability, which leads to the denial- and the swirling wave of change calms down. But then Wilhelm starts refusing all the traditions and eventually retracts the denial- and the wave hits all of them like a storm.
And Wilhelm trying to seek justice through the legal machinery is not only very poetic (a prince trying to seek fairness in a democratic system because the monarchy inevitably fails him), but it will also rock the boats of so many people. They will finally get to understand that rich and powerful people also have consequences for their actions and their safety nets can blow away no matter how much money they throw away to keep themselves afloat.
I can understand one argument that August is also young and maybe legal consequences will be a bit extreme for him. But, like, any other common person will be blown apart by the system despite being innocent, why is he any exception? If human lives have equal value, why their actions should be treated differently? I would still like August to have a chance at a realization of the severity of his actions rather than facing legal consequences, but I also do want him to face the legal mechanism or atleast face the fear of having legal consequences for his actions. These two things can co-exist. Simon can easily be torn apart because of the whole dealing thing, and no one would come and save his ass for it. It's the biasness for me.
Overthrowing the monarchy or letting August have a redemption arc is just not possible in a single 6-episode season. It will simply be unnatural to the progression of the story. However, atleast in my head, Wilhelm and Simon seeking justice through a legal system can bring the consequences into action without the added labour of scrapping away a deeply rooted institution or changing the way a person's psyche works.
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Magnus Protocol Theory —
(Spoilers up to ep. 5)
I think I've figured out the catch of OIAR staff being able to "quit at any time"
It's not immediately obvious why they can't quit the same way it was in TMA because, well, Teddy quits in the first episode! And he seems quite content with fucking off from the OIAR and never coming back, but he has this exchange with Collin:
TEDDY
Colin, mate, you know you’re never getting out of here.
COLIN
Christ, don’t say that.
TEDDY
Even if his nibs lets you off the hook, which he won’t, you couldn’t bring yourself to just leave. Not 'til you’ve figured out all these fun little errors.
COLIN
Or they finally kill me.
TEDDY
I mean, sure, that too.
What do they know that we don't?
Bear with me on this one, but I suspect it has to do with how the Fears function in this world. I've been seeing quite a few theories floating around saying that the Fears in this world are more likely tied to Desire and I think they're right.
Every story so far has been driven by some kind of want or yearn or need—the yearn to hear a dead lover's voice, the need to understand why a place is marked "cleared," the desire to look different, the need to hide from the repercussion of your actions, the hunger for recognition as the best, the itch to feel real fear. Every time, the supernatural experiences commence after a desire(or obsession) is expressed, and every desire is granted in the most fucked up Monkey's Paw way possible.
How does this apply to our merry band of fucked up civil servants? Why are they still here?
Well, Collin's not gonna quit until he makes sense of the computers, and we're already seeing the negative effects this obsession has on him. Gwen wants Lena's job and to be the best of the department (and possible something else that we're not privy to yet). Sam wants answers to whatever the fuck is wrong with the OIAR/their cases and likely has some personal obsessions involved (*cough cough*the Magnus Protocol*cough cough*)
Alice is a bit of an outlier since she doesn't have any obvious "wants" that we've seen, but she seems way more conscious of what this job does to people than the others. From telling Sam to report Collin's behavior to telling Same this:
ALICE
I wasn’t messing with you earlier, you do need to compartmentalize for this job. Make a box in your head and at the end of the shift you dump everything in there and hit the incinerate button okay? You do not want to be thinking about this stuff outside of here. It’s not good for you. I’ve seen people go weird before now.
Alice seems to at least somewhat understand what's going on—she's seen people go "weird" and knows that getting obsessed is dangerous, which is why she herself tries to stay as separate from the work as possible, tells Sam to do the same, and why I suspect she tries to have Collin reported(to keep him from sinking any deeper). But I suspect Alice is ensnared in her own way, possibly by the brother she keeps fielding calls from at work.
It's not a whole lot to go off of yet, but she keeps referencing her next paycheck while talking to him and overall implies than her brother musical career is unsuccessful but that it might turn around soon. Maybe she stays working there because she wants to support herself and support her brother's career?
Tl;dr the fears in his world are based in desires and obsession. Technically, anyone can quit the OIAR and they do—so long as they don't get obsessed. And if they do get obsessed, they won't stop until they either get what they want or, as Collin said, they die.
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