#Real conversation

[mr-megaphone]

[connormccafferyhater]

my mom: “do they ever show her boyfriend at the games?”

me: “who?”

my mom: “caitlin clark”

me: “oh- he’s not really at any of the games. he was at their last game though.”

my mom: “he’s a mustache.”

me: “what does that mean?”

my mom: “a facade”

[breadfacednerd]

this post was sponsered by **THE HOESLUTS SERVER*

[thinking-about-fiction]

Me: *complaining about something being difficult* My mom: Hey. Where there is a will, there is a- Me, every single time: Nico. Where there is a Will, there is a Nico. My mom, who has actually read more Riordanverse books than I have: Ugh, here we go again.

[azrail-has-a-vendetta]

”If I had a nickel for every time Arthur was shot, I’d have enough to pay for his and my therapy.” -@aubbitsart

“If I had a nickel every time Arthur ate, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.” - @aubbitsart (I’m pretty sure)

[middle-o-nowhere]

COD scenario based on a conversation between me and my sibling the other day:

Ghost: “Today we were training in basic map reading and directions. You know, navigation, terrain reading, stuff like that.”

Soap: “I only know very basic navigational skills… Like North.”

Soap, pointing dead south instead of north with the most sincere look on his face: =]

Ghost: “JOHNNY THATS BLOODY SOUTH WTF”

[shadowseductress]

[logolepsy-babble]

Regulus, French: I don’t know why I expected the food to be seasoned here. It’s awful.

Remus, British: I don’t care, I eat it anyway.

Regulus: Yeah well it’s in your nature.

[andreainlove]

my friend: NTA jeene nahi dega

(NTA won't even let us live)

me: NTA marne bhi to nahi de raha?

(NTA isn't even allowing us to die!)

[moomoocowmaid]

Me: Talking about thinking Asian women are just so beautiful

The (white) Man: “Would you like me more if I was an Asian man?”

Me: Explains, ‘No.’

The Man: “Would you like me more.. if I was an Asian woman cross-dressing as an Asian man… in feudal Japan, who was also half-white, who’s a samurai?? … and my name was Mizu.”

[endcant]

hal: i conduct a DNA test

me: the person was definitely a human before you disintegrated them and cooked their cells

hal: 🥺 i didn’t mean to!

[autistpride]

Remus: I spent way to much money.

Regulus: What did you spend so much on?

Remus: mostly toys

Regulus: well I mean you can't fault that. Toys can be helpful for a healthy relationship and quality ones are often quite pricey. Did you order from a reputable company?

Remus: yes I think so. I just hope he will love them

Regulus: I'm sure he will be thrilled to see you happy.

Remus: well I'll be happy because he's happy and exercised. Then he's tired and less destructive.

Regulus: Well I don't disagree. But it would help if you could get him to take his meds. What did you get?

Remus: rope, new collar, balls, squeaky rabbit, and this really cool rubber frisbee...wait padfoot doesn't take meds. What are you talking about?

Regulus: ....that is not what I was expecting. I thought we were talking about something else.

[nowaytoheaven2]

"it hurts me to believe these things and have friends who are queer, can't you understand?"

"Well... You don't have to tell them outright. Just be an example to turn them to Christ."

"it hurts anyway. I don't want to."

"Hate the sin, love the sinner."

I hate you, that's a sin too. Isnt it?

[captainjade101]

Bakugo: a tennis racket is more fucking useful at school work then you

Kirishima in tears: I'm trying

Denki watching from the kitchen: kacchan isn't like the main main charter ya know. but like he has wayyy to much main charter energy to be a NPC

Shinso nursing a cup of coffee: o..ok

[radioactivespiderblood]

Me: *talks about wheelchair users in Star Trek and what would happen if they needed to be moved in an emergency* *explains how they could turn off the gravity in the Jeffery's Tubes so they could climb the ladder*

Mom: I'd love to float around in a zero gravity environment.

Me: Oh yeah, that'd be so cool! Ya know, there's no such thing as zero gravity.

Mom: Ok, reduced gravity.

Me, smiling: It's called micro gravity!

Mom, sarcastically: Oh I just looooove to be corrected.

Me, joking good naturedly: If you don't want to be corrected, don't have an autistic child!

Mom: So I'm just supposed to travel back in time and do... what? Fuck that, I like you the way you are!

Me: More accurately don't fuck that!

Happy father's day!

[lightningmonarchda3]

me: last night [sister's name] betrayed me

dad: what did she do?

me:SHE WATCHED HAMILTON WITHOUT ME! AT MIDNIGHT! THAT'S THE WORST THING SOMEONE CAN DO!