#THAT SAID if anybody is ever in the depths of my blog

[actualaster]

By the way, I finally cleaned up my tags a tiny bit lol, and now have a page specifically for my liveblogs of my gaming stuff.

Since I do replay or re-visit games I never finished sometimes, you can use that to find all the related tags that I was able to remember/find and blacklist anything you don't wanna see me babble about.

That said, I'm also trying to use a catch-all "kage plays games" tag in addition to specific tags for different games/series so if you just never wanna see me ramble about any of the games I'm playing just blacklist that entirely.

(For spoiler purposes, I do mark spoilers on individual posts. I'm not gonna, like, exhaustively go back and edit everything from years ago that might have some spoilers but the general format I try to use these days is "quick summary of what to expect up top, then a cut with the spoilers, as well as spoiler tags on the post itself".)

[i keep remembering/finding other ones so this may grow even if i'm not playing anything i'm talking about lol]

[zephyra-in-the-house]

Helloo! I wanted to say that I loved second chances sm, when I found a random chapter last year I read the entire fic in a couple days bc I had to know what happened next, then reread it every now and then while waiting for the updates

I like how we can see both sides of the coin with shadowpeach, how they both care but are still struggling for different yet similar reasons, their struggle with what they went through, dealing with each other's personality traits and habits(their own too) that are still hard to let go of, the glimpses of the consequences of the punishments and their backstory in general

And maybe it's a me thing, but I feel like your Wukong acts like he's a bit aro spec, maybe demi aromantic, and I love that he does, especially while still explicitly loving(and like longing for?) Mac sm

I got that feeling after rereading one of the conversations shadowpeach had in the kitchen when Wukong said something about just wanting to be near Mac, and having him as his best friend was so great kinda like there couldn't possibly be anything better

I know it's probably to show how he grew up, or his personality, and that he's dense (specifically when it comes to reading Mac's feelings towards him) but I feel that just adds to the similarities with the aro experience bc there's a side of the aro community that is blind to more romantic stuff, and romantic-coded gestures or more intimate closeness is just closeness all the same

And your Wukong gives me the impression that he just wanted Mac to be close to him, didn't matter what kind of close, and that he holds the title of "best friend" as a really special thing. Be it BECAUSE of Mac, or maybe since before becoming friends with him, like not just anybody would be his best friend (Also it was maybe to show his trust issues, but still)

I think Wukong said somewhere that he just wanted Mac to be happy to be around him, as happy as SWK was to be around Mac. And I know his inability to put his feelings(love) into words more than referring to a strong or special friendship is probably to show that he's not good with Feelings™, but I like to think that maybe he is enamored in the way a queer platonic love would feel like, so calling it a strong or special friendship kinda does cut it to some degree I think

Also the way Mei (everyone really, but she's more expressive about it, and we see her more than other characters) sees Wukong as a hopeless case, but I think Wukong would see Mac loving him strongly in any way as the best thing ever, as long as it's strong love, he wouldn't mind, love is love, like he just wants to be as special to Mac as Mac is to him

Also I'd love to see them be together even if they don't have the same kind of love for each other, bc the love they have for each other would still be just as strong, and would let them have just as strong of a bond, (in the future, as things are going I have hope, I do hope they end up together in this universe, even if nothing of what I'm saying fits them by the end)

I mean no disrespect to your original idea, or if that's not what u intended, I tried looking through your blog and I haven't found any mention of something similar or headcanons about it

But yeah, idk if u mind ppl putting headcanons on your stories? Some ppl do mind, so idk I just wanted to say that regardless of that hc of mine, I think how you write them is so cool and interesting, and I find that about Wukong really cool even if it's not really where the story is heading and it's been really fun to reread

Also sorry for the weird english, it's not my first language ^^'

First things first:

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

I absolutely love in depth analysis like this it's so interesting to read and to hear what people think of my story. I 100% love writing this story specifically because it demonstrates how these two are completely different and yet eerily similar people who are just struggling to reconnect with other people despite them both having their flaws and traumatic experiences. It's really fun to write and explore and I absolutely love everything that you said here about it~

Duuude!! I fuckin looooveeee that headcanon! Holy shit that's so awesome! Honestly, I didn't even realize I was writing Wukong that way but now that it's been pointed out I can totally see it!

As someone who is kind of on the ace spectrum, I think I may have just subconsciously made it that way. Just like every other author I know, I have a habit of adding my own traumas/ideologies to my stories so I really shouldn't be too surprised LOL

But don't worry! I don't mind people making headcanons about my story~ In fact, that's my favorite part of writing is seeing how people interpret the story and seeing how they formulate it into drawings or headcanons like this! It's so cool!

Initially, my intention was to write Wukong as being oblivious/in denial about his own feelings and in general just bad with feelings. However, I really love your idea too! It's definitely one of those things where Wukong is just happy to be around Macaque. Macaque is "his person", the one he feels happy and comfortable around, the one he feels he can be open and honest around... and yeah I just realized how much that sounds like the beginnings of a queer platonic relationship LMAO

In any case!

I absolutely love your analysis and I 100% agree that Wukong would be okay with Macaque loving him in any way, shape, or form so long as Macaque feels as safe and comfortable and happy as Wukong himself feels when they're together. ❤❤

Thank you for reading!

[frodolives]

I've decided that I would like to understand what my mutuals see in the old man music cinematic universe. I have loved and supported their derangement from afar in my life and would like to dip my toes in, so to speak. so I come to you humble now and ask: where can I get information about the beatles that will make me think about old British boy band members exploring eachothers bodies? if it helps, I dont mind their more well known music, but I've never really dug into it properly.

Oh man. You've no idea how tough this is to answer lol. My derangement regarding the Beatles has been built up over 6 years now and I hardly remember how it even began.

I suppose that yes, if you're new, you should begin with listening to all their music because it's genuinely very good stuff. Their filmography is also good. If you haven't seen any of their films yet, it's a great place to start because the Beatles' looks, personalities, and sense of humour are just as important to understanding their appeal as their music is (in order: A Hard Day's Night (1964), Help! (1965), Magical Mystery Tour (1967), Yellow Submarine (1968), and Let It Be (1970) - most of these should be free to watch on Dailymotion).

If you're very serious about the Beatles and into the history on an actual academic level, this is a pretty good list of free resources to browse through.

My personal introduction into becoming an actual gay Beatles truther was a series of fan-made documentaries on YouTube called Understanding Lennon-McCartney. It's been a very long time since I've seen them, but I remember them blowing my mind and making me believe in the concept of soulmates. As fun as it is to make jokes about the Beatles exploring each other's bodies, there's something genuinely profound and beautiful about Lennon and McCartney's relationship that shouldn't be overlooked. Chris Evans said it best:

The Understanding Lennon-McCartney documentaries series is also just the most comprehensive overview of McLennon that I know of, even if it's semi-outdated now. I watched them in 2019 and even in just the last 5 years, a lot of new McLennon info has come out. We are truly living in the golden age of Beatles RPF.

One of the biggest recent developments was Peter Jackson's 2021 Get Back series. They're basically a revamped version of Let It Be (1970) and also required viewing at some point. I know a lot of Beatles fans who were introduced to the band via Get Back so I suppose it's not a bad place to start if you're so inclined, though since they chronicle some of the last days of the band, I think they can be best appreciated if you're already at least somewhat familiar with the boys.

After watching all of that, I think you'll have a pretty decent foundation of what people on Tumblr are talking about. Then oddly enough, I'd consider Tumblr the best resource for info. There's more in-depth Beatles talk on here than any other website as far as I know and, in my experience, I learned a lot just by freely exploring various tags and blogs.

There's also the Beatles biopic cinematic universe which is worth dipping your toes into if you like RPF and want an entertaining way to learn the gist of the band's history. There's a lot of low budget biopics out there about those boys. Even I haven't seen them all yet so I wouldn't say watching them is an absolute must, though there's three iconic "gay john lennon biopics" that are entertaining bc of how genuinely gay they are: The Hours and Times 1991 (about John's relationship to Brian Epstein), Backbeat 1994 (about John's relationship to Stuart Sutcliffe), and Two of Us 2000 (about John's relationship to Paul McCartney; the most iconic and revered of all Beatles biopics).

I don't really know what other reccs to give. If anybody wants to chime in with other suggestions, go forth! There's just so much Beatles lore and it's easy to become overwhelmed by it all so definitely take your time lol. And if you ever have any specific questions about the Beatles, I'd be very happy to answer them!

Happy RPFing!

[ssaalexblake]

I mean this in the nicest way as it's possible to mean something objectively kind of dickish, but at some point, the absolute cynical Need to assume that the people in charge of the media you consume are just bumbling fools never knowing what they're doing only makes the people assuming that look, uh, not super smart, and has absolutely zero bearing on the creators. That this happens on meta posts that Literally Explain what's going on and people still fail to comprehend that the work of a few different people all pitching in and agreeing on it would have been necessary for it to happen, doesn't help. And yes, it's a thing that's happened a whole bunch of times on my posts alone, let alone on random ones.

Me: hey look how theyre showing that 13's messed up!

Person: lol I doubt the showrunner knows that!

Sure, Jan. The 89 times he wrote 13 being as messed up as all the other doctors were just flukes for his blonde fairy-princess of good mental health and goodness regeneration 🤷

Well buddy, that's Your problem. It's one thing to see a messy as hell narrative with no clear ending or moral to it (think of the new star wars trilogy) and clock it was totally on the fly and that anything profound was likely to be an accident (I use this example cuz they admit this is what happened). It's another to look at a complete narrative that includes foreshadowing from the very beginning that tracks all the way to the end, written by a guy who is open about having planned it for a while, who has said that he has A story to tell and then he was done and left, and then go 'yeah he has no idea what he was doing'.

I have no idea when cynicism became the suave fandom thing in Any situation even if none is warranted, but it doesn't actually make people look cool and unaffected if that's what you're all going for, it just makes it look like you're incapable of making separate judgements on a case by case basis. I am cynical as hell over certain things because I actually thought about them and decided I was. I am not like this for everything bc not everything deserves cynicism. Sometimes, it doesn't actually matter what was or what was not intentional to start with. Anybody who has created anything, ever, has unintentionally started something and it turned out to be something they pursued. It just works like that sometimes! It's not a problem!

But if you can Honestly look at 13 doing all that messed up crap she did with no introspection over it and think it was the writer not realising she was being messed up because they didn't hold your hand and point it out every single time like they do in peppa pig, despite the fact that the character is Always to some degree messed up and this tracks with the show outside the era, and Fail entirely to consider that her lack of repentance in 13 was an actual consistent character trait and that you should use your brain to actually analyze what that means for the story and for the person... You should have paid more attention in English classes. You are supposed to think about what that means. I know it's a kids show, but it's not preschool.

The problem is not the material not having the depth to analyse, it is the audience's inability to objectively parse it. It does not matter if you love it or hate it! but people are merely displaying they lack the skills to even decide if they do or not by refusing to look for narrative reasons for things and instead just looking behind the scenes to say Obviously it was all just an accidental written by the clueless to justify not bothering. And then going on to make that fact very public.

And you know what, I don't care if you bother or not, you don't have to justify not wanting to think about it! but when people make it my problem I get sick of the crap.

Like why? Really? If you dislike it why are you blogging about it? And if you like it but feel like you're honour bound to act like chibnall is a moron every time his work is brought to your attention just to Make Sure Nobody Will Think You Like It, I mostly think you need to take a step back and smell some grass (or your own regional equivalent of an outside smellable thing).

[autistic-polarbear]

hey! i haven't ever posted anything on this blog...i prefer to be a silent observer in all aspects of my life. but i recently (okay like nearly 2 months ago) got my dream job working in my university's special collections and archives library. over the past few weeks i have stumbled upon some of the most interesting books and manuscripts that i just have to share with anyone interested because it is absolutely fascinating!

inside cover of a book from the 1800s. my roommate said it looked like the bottom of an untouched stream. i didn't see it until they pointed it out, but it is so accurate

staircase to get to the collections. pictures don't do this wood grain justice, it is gorgeous up close, especially when the early morning sun hits it just right...perfection

inside of the elevator we use to get to the different decks. it's the oldest working elevator in all of oregon !

one of the most popular requests in our collections: an original, handwritten copy of ken kesey papers. we have over 100 boxes of his books, papers, manuscripts...anything of his you could possibly think of, we probably have it

for fellow comic fans, we have an entire shelf dedicated to various books on fandoms, including marvel and batman! i have never pulled one out for anybody, but i'm hoping somebody will request one so i can look more in-depth without looking suspicious to my fellow coworkers and the librarians...

the past will not sleep, printed on shiny gold paper in a book from the 1800s (i was literally shaking holding this, it's so cool)

original journals of the lewis and clark expedition (again, i was literally shaking; this job is amazing)

as a journalism major, these were particularly fascinating...we have several books of famous journalists from our university, but all around the world too. gotta find a way to get my hands on these outside of my shifts...

the back cover of a book in our oregon collection. i believe this had something to do with farming and agriculture, but either way it was so pretty

nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets by edward lear; this book was literally falling apart in my hands but wow. just the title alone is so interesting, not to mention it's from london !

songs and sonnets by shakespeare...not an original unfortunately but still super amazing to see, and be physically hold his writing in my hands

sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that i am literally living my childhood dream. then that realization sinks in and i am absolutely shocked about it.

anyway, that's all for now. i will definitely have more to share because these finds are so interesting. if anyone has any requests they want me to look for, please let me know and i will do my best to scavenge around these stacks like a creepy little gremlin and take pictures for the people in my computer.

[that-irishman-fan]

announcing a new series on this blog!

I'm absolutely delighted to tell all of you about a new series I've got cooking up on this blog; my first attempt at something of this scale. My original plan was to post this as one giant thing a week or so ago to cap off another Pride Month. But life is a bitch and got in my way so I couldn't get to it in time. So I've reworked it into something more condensed and to the point.

And that's to do a series on One Piece characters who give off bisexual energy to me.

I've curated thirty entries thus far--yes I have no life--either for an individual character or for a ship I'm particular to.

Please know that these are all headcanons and I am not saying these are canon whatsoever. Nor am I trying to invalidate or discount other groups in the LGBTQ+ community by saying these characters are bisexual. I am bisexual myself, so I can speak on my own experience on that. But I would never claim to know somebody else's life based on a label they choose to use. That said, please tell me if I step wrong in any way so I can remedy my mistakes. I want to learn, understand, and grow, instead of being close-minded or assuming I know everything.

This is all meant to be fun and lighthearted. I'd love to hear what you guys think about these picks. I'd like to know if you agree or disagree! Just as long as you aren't being homophobic, we won't have a problem! :)

Before we really launch this series, I want to give some context as to how One Piece affected my own identity, life, and bisexuality to really explain why I've poured so much time into these headcanons.

One Piece was always a fundamental cornerstone of my preteen, teenage, and new adult years. It gave a weird neurodivergent girl who never fit in a place to escape. Somewhere to feel at home and see myself in equally quirky characters. The Straw Hats were a family to me, the villains were fun to hate, and I just loved the wacky world Oda had and continues to build. I wouldn't be me without me. In retrospect, I believe it was this series that awoke my bisexuality. I'll be candid when I say acceptance and reconciliation of my sexuality is still a struggle. I come from a conservative religious upbringing, which means I wasn't ever to be open or honest with myself. One Piece was the missing link for what I think I'd always known deep down. It lit the fuse for me. So when I say One Piece made me who I am, I'm completely serious. This is what led me to create a little series about characters I feel a connection to. Who I read bi-ness in. Who I think could totally have been written as under the bisexual umbrella convincingly and well. Some of them are old flames whereas others I have a platonic respect for. Whatever the case, these are thirty One Piece characters I think give off bisexual energy.

For some, I won't necessarily have in depth reasoning for. Some I just relate to, love, and respect, and some could be more plausible than others. Again, these are all my own opinions, and I would never expect anybody to be obligated to agree with me. How much I'll discuss will depend on the character involved. There won't be any set routine since I still have a life outside of Tumblr I have to live, but I'll try to be as regular as I can.

Thank you so much for reading this and I look forward to getting to know some fellow One Piece fans! I can't wait to hear what you guys think!

[the1975attheirverybest]

hi. i'm one of soft_s0undz (matthew)'s friends. i just want to have a civil discussion about this because i feel the things you said aren't fair in the slightest.

i firstly want to bring up the accusation of being a while supremacist and racist. in no way, shape, or form is he racist. he has openly stood up for BLM and palestinian freedom on his stories before, though i don't know if he has ever donated anything or not.

secondly, it concerns me how you want him to start drama with you. while i agree that i think he went overboard on some stuff, i don't think it's fair to say that he's all of those things without actually knowing him. his intentions are never to hurt anybody or upset them.

he came to me after everything was posted that he wants to completely shut down his blog simply because he doesn't feel safe. i just don't want anything to escalate, or there be any more drama between you two. i understand you're probably angry, and rightfully so. i'll talk to him more in depth. hope you have a good one :)

I appreciate you coming in here to defend your friend. I understand. I would too if anyone had said anything to one of my friends.

Which, incidentally, is what he did. He’s a fuckin meme account on IG or fandom. Account or whatever. Yes? Tell my why, I’m scrolling through what he posts and I find SEVERAL screenshots of my blog? Can he explain that to me? I’ll include them below for your viewing.

Unprompted. He’s talking shit about me and my friend. Have I ever done anything to him? Hmm? Ever??! Has my friend? Why is he calling her narcissistic? He doesn’t even fuckin know her!

Then making fun of the Palestine issue? I’m sorry but that IS racist and white supremacist. It’s nice that he has black friends or whatever. Doesn’t make him not racist. Doesn’t matter what he may have done in the past around other people. I’m speaking ahout me and what he said about me. About Palestine. About my criticism of Matty. Something that is OBJECTIVELY real and true. Why would he talk about me like that? And about my friend?

Tell me honestly what would you think or feel if you were me? If he wants a civil discussion why doesn’t he come talk to me directly.

[kittiesluvyou]

Come Out of Your Shell

Summary: Optimus is a siren who has to wear a mask because he believes that other people didn’t care about him, they only cared about his voice. However, what if Starscream, a loud-spoken harpy, was able to help him?

Word Count: Unknown

Inspiration: An ask by @sztefa001 that was on @seehowsupplethespineis’s blog. I LOVED THIS IDEA SO MUCH THAT I JUST HAD TO GIVE IT MY OWN PLATONIC STAROP SPIN ON IT!

Tw: Abuse mention 

Optimus emerged his head from the ocean’s depths and flinched at the beaming sunlight. When his eyes finally got used to it, he was surprised to see a lone harpy circling him. His wings were white with a black streak on the bottom, just like a crane’s wings; however, he looked so familiar to the siren that Optimus just mumbled “Starscream?” His seaweed mask made it nearly impossible for anybody to hear him, but as if almost immediately Starscream dived down towards the water, laughing as his heels hit the water with a splash.

He spotted Optimus just as he was about to go under the water, out of sight and out of mind. “You can’t fool me that easily, Prime,” Starscream tsked, shaking his head in shame “meet me on that island over there.” He pointed his index finger to an island that was directly across from him. He swam towards the island, trying his best to keep up to the fast-flying harpy; however, he slowed down since he knew that he was not a fast enough swimmer to beat him.

Starscream was lounging lazily in the sand by the time Optimus arrived. His wings were spread out on the sides of his back, his arms folded under his head, he even took off his shoes to reveal his sharp, dagger-like talons that were crossed over each other. “I’m so sorry that it took me so long to get to you, I’m not as much of a fast swimmer after all.” Optimus apologized, taking a seat next to him. “Ha! If you swam any more slower, I would’ve already set up a camp for me and spent the night here!” Starscream was about to get up from his position “why did you take me here if you were going to fly away?” Optimus asked, pushing Starscream’s chest lightly to get him to lie back down. “I’m not going to fly away, I was going to adjust my position. The sand is getting hotter now, I don’t want to give myself a sunburn.”

Starscream stared at the seaweed mask and rolled his eyes “word of advice, try taking off that blasted mask when you’re talking to me, Megatron’s latest beating had left me with a ringing sensation in my ears.” Optimus’s dragon ears drooped down, it always pained him to see Starscream go through all of this pain and torment, but for what purpose? “I’m not going to remove my mask, Starscream,” he sighed “I don’t want you to fall under my spell...I’m worried about what the effect might be if I talked to you when I take off my mask. I don’t want you to be enchanted by my voice. I deserve to be alone, away from my loved ones so they don’t become hypnotized by my voice.”

“But how do you know that you will hurt me when you do take off your mask? You need to learn about a special word called ‘selfishness’, dear Optimus,” he smiled at the sky, he could clearly tell that ‘selfishness’ was his all-time favorite word; however, Optimus hates it. “I’m not going to be selfish for you, I’m not going to take off my mask for you, and I’m certainly not going to allow you to be hurt because of me!”

“Hurt me, I’ve lost everything because of Megatorn. I’ve lost my brothers, my home, my freedom, my sanity. What else is there for me to loose?” Optimus really wanted to give him a giant hug; however, he did not think that Starscream would like it. But still, he decided to ask by placing his mask under his chin and asked “Starscream, can I hug you?” Starscream turned his head, his mouth fell open at the sight of Optimus’s concerned look on his face. “I don’t think it’s your voice that’s making people listen to you, I think it’s because your so empathetic, selfless, and down to earth with everybody that you’re like a father-figure to them. And to answer your question about that hug, yes you may hug me for being brave and for coming out of your shell for once, Optimus Prime.” 

Optimus did not hesitate for one second as he wrapped his arms across the harpy’s side, “if you ever need someone to lean on, you know exactly where to find me,” he said, letting go of Starscream. “Can we stay here until nightfall? I have so many things to talk to you about Megatron.” “Of course, Starscream, everybody comes to this island if they need me for any reason.

[snarkwrites]

m| tease  ➼ t.thatcher |m

Before anyone comes for me. This is my writing and it’s cross posted from my former wrestle writing blog @snarkwriteswrasslin​ I just transferred it here because frankly, it’d be a shame to let this disappear if I decide to delete the other blog after I’ve gotten all my chosen posts off of there and migrated over. So nobody come for me, it’s mine. I fully own up to it.

┇ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗ  ┇

“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me” && “They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body… wanna fight?” were both used here.

┇ʷᵃʳⁿᶦⁿᵍ ┇

Mature. Warning. Not for minors so minors need to back away now. Hand jobs, a mostly implied sexual encounter that’s probably unprotected, biting / marking.. I uh.. apparently have a penchant for writing that shit into fucking everything oops?

┇ᶜʰᵃʳᵃᶜᵗᵉʳ | ᶠᵃⁿᵈᵒᵐ | ᵖᵃᶦʳᶦⁿᵍ┇

Timothy Thatcher x Female!Reader, NXT ┇ᵗᵃᵍᵍᶦⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ᵇᵃᵇᵉˢ;┇

​@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting​

@writertoo18​

@thatnerdwriter​

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​

@chasingeverybreakingwave​

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif​

@sassymox​

@hungmanhorsecarriage​

@wardlow​

@ryantaylorgirl​

@hotyeehawman​

@gabbynorth98​

@linziland13​ ​

@bec0m​

@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch​

@daddyslittlevillain​

@uncrownedmox​

@rubyred1980​

@ghoulsworld​

@littlemsbliss06

@barzal-burakovsky

┇ˡᶦⁿᵏˢ┇

incoming. i’m transitioning between blogs so I haven’t got masterlist posts or anything atm.

Rough hands squeezed my hips. I tensed, rolling my eyes almost the second Tommaso muttered against the shell of my ear, “Hey princess. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

“Drop dead, Ciampa.” I wasted no time in retorting, stepping away from him and putting a safe distance between our bodies. “Not in a thousand lifetimes, no. Nope.” I made sure that when I said it, I was firm.

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t be like that.” I didn’t have to turn and look at Tommaso to know that he was giving me that amused smirk. The one that insists he’s only humoring each and every single time I tell him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole.

,,It’s an unfortunate side effect to being told you’re god’s gift.” I reminded myself as I turned to face him, a hand resting against my hip and the other one wound up in my hair, a clear look of exasperation on my face. “Like what, exactly? I’m just being honest. I can’t help that I loathe the ground you walk on. Didn’t you get enough defeat tonight when Timothy Thatcher made you his bitch? Are you seriously looking for more? Because if so, “I smirked as I raised the glass to my lips and took a sip before continuing, “You found it.”

Tommaso seemed amused by this. I, however, was not amused. In fact, this entire situation was starting to get on my last nerve. Just to further drive home the point that I’d literally rather be talking to anyone in the bar right now than him, I began to let my eyes drift around. I think I felt myself starting to panic just a little when I didn’t see anybody else from our roster. I fidgeted a little.

And then, my eyes happened to settle on Timothy Thatcher, who was engaged in a heated conversation with Marcel and Fabian towards the back. I licked my lips, shocked as ever at the ease it took to get lost in the depths of brown eyes. He seemed to pick up on my staring because he glanced up, his eyes darting around the bar.

Settling on me.

Intently. As our eyes locked on each other, he bit his lip, raising a hand to drag it over his head. Holding my gaze steady. His eyes finally break from mine to roam up and down my body slowly. And as they did, I could feel my thighs practically rolling right off of each other. The realization that I was dripping made me clench them together a little, afraid that if I didn’t, I was going to drip everywhere.

I squirmed around a little under his gaze and in my distraction, Tommaso stepped just a little closer. And he caught on to the fact that I wasn’t paying him a lick of attention and followed my gaze, letting his gaze settle on Timothy too.

“That guy, princess? The one guy who couldn’t want you less if he tried? I mean… it’s cute the way you’re always flirting with him and shit, but… Maybe you should consider using that energy on somebody more… Well, more deserving.” Tommaso was flashing me that lewd grin as he spoke and I cringed, backing myself away at the way his fingers curled beneath my chin.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I hissed, starting to both get angry and panic at the same time. I wasn’t stupid. I know that 9 out of 10, Tommaso is nowhere near brave enough to pull something, especially not here. But it was that one percent that I couldn’t be entirely sure about the guy in the current setting that I was uneasy about the most. Despite it, I tried my best not to seem bothered or afraid. I was clearly going to have to deal with this on my own and mentally, I was kicking myself for ever even speaking to Tommaso Ciampa in the first place, because that had to be why he was popping up everywhere I happened to be lately.

“Just one dance, babydoll. One. I promise you’ll like it better than being ignored repeatedly.” Tommaso was doing his best to try and charm me and for a few seconds, I may have briefly toyed with that one dance. He did make a very good point. No matter what I tried to do, no matter how many small little subtle gestures I made to clue Timothy Thatcher into the fact that it was him I wanted unconditionally, my efforts always went ignored or unnoticed.

It was something I wasn’t used to and definitely something I wasn’t fond of. It actually kind of hurt a little. And did it ever frustrate me to no end.

I was dumb enough to step forward a little, but that quickly changed when Tommaso gave me that knowing smirk and went to step closer to me.. Acting as if he were going to wrap his arms around me. My common sense came rushing back and I laughed, stepping back and shaking my head. “Kick rocks, Ciampa. I’d rather not dance at all than dance with you.”

“I’m telling you, princess. This is a one night only offer. If I walk away…” Tommaso chuckled, shaking his head at me as he crossed his arms. He continued, “The offer is off the table. Do yourself a favor here… Stop wasting your energy on Thatcher, who couldn’t want you less if he tried. Give me a shot, babydoll.”

“First of all, you fuckin numpty, I have an actual name. It’s not babydoll or princess or whatever the hell else you’ve been calling me lately. It’s Eva. E V A. How fucking hard is it to say a 3 letter name, padre?”

I popped a bubble with my cotton candy flavored gum and rolled my eyes in disdain before I chose to address his concerns over how I chose to ‘waste my time’. “Secondly, asshole… I want what I want. And that happens to be Timothy Thatcher. And if I don’t get him? I’m damn sure not settling for anything less.. Which in this case, means you. So.. If you wanna just kindly fuck right off now…” I trailed off, giving a mocked apologetic shrug. I stepped back and turned around, promptly finding myself body to body with Timothy Thatcher.

And he had this amused look on his face.

Like he might have heard the whole thing.

I gulped as his eyes settled on me and his hands tentatively gripped at my hips. In a hushed tone he told me, “We’ll talk about what you just said as soon as I’m done with this, doll.” before putting himself in front of me and squaring up, his fists clenched tight at his sides as he and Tommaso had themselves a rather intense staredown, chests brushing together.

My thighs clenched so tight that I could feel them aching.

“We discussed this, Ciampa. You know what you were told.” Timothy’s eyes had a dangerous gleam in them as he practically growled the words at Tommaso. At his words, I found myself gazing back and forth between the two men, tension filling my body as I tried to pick up on all the context I was apparently missing right now.

“Yeah, and you know what I told you too, Thatcher. Your name’s not tattooed on her pretty little body anywhere. You were draggin ass so I decided why not shoot my shot.” Tommaso gave Timothy a light shove.

I stepped back a little, biting my lip and clearing my throat.

“Both of you. Hey! Whoa! I’m not a fucking Barbie toy in a Happy Meal. Can we just maybe.. Not?” I spoke up, folding my arms over my chest as I gazed at both men.

Cautiously, I pressed myself up against Timothy’s body essentially putting myself right between the two men all over again. “He’s not worth it, it’s too easy.” I muttered in the hopes that Timothy would hear me and stop to think about what was happening. He heard me, because he answered in a deathly calm tone, “ You’re going to want to move, doll.”

“Timothy, no.” I insisted, staying put.

“Fine. I’ll move you myself.” Timothy stated firmly, not tearing his eyes off of Tommaso. He guided me out of the way and they were body to body again, squared up. Tommaso chuckled. “Now you want her. Typical.”

“I wanted her before, shitstain. Not that it’s your business.”

I nearly choked on air as soon as I heard what he’d said. I bit my lip, fidgeting. Letting out a long sigh of relief when out of nowhere, Marcel, Fabian and Walter made their way over, Walter immediately getting the two men apart and taking over the situation.

Tommaso stormed off.

I stood there, practically squirming. My hand raised to drag through my hair and my eyes darted around the crowded bar. I literally knew everything I’d been dying to know and here I was, considering a good old fashioned bolt for the hills in panic.

Marcel and Fabian cleared out next, leaving me all alone with Timothy. My eyes darted for the doors leading out to the parking lot. Timothy’s gaze followed mine and he shook his head, stepping closer.

Reaching out for my wrist cautiously. Tentatively. Almost as if he were as unsure of this entire thing that was unfolding as I currently was. “ Oh no you don’t.” he chuckled in amusement, shaking his head as I stared up at him, pretty much speechless.

“I thought..” I stammered, grumbling at myself and falling silent because no matter what I tried to say, nothing would come out. All I could do was stare up at him, my heart about to pound right out of my chest.

,, you know this is a sure thing. You heard what he told Tommaso. He’s not the kind of man who would say it if he didn’t mean it.” my brain was practically screaming it at me and yet, I still couldn’t find the boldness or the moxy I seemed to have when I’d just be flirting with him and stuff before I heard him say how he felt.

“You heard what I told Tommaso. I know you did. I didn’t try to hide it. Just like you didn’t try to hide what you told him before you knew I was standing right behind you. I think we have a lot to talk about.”

I took a shaky breath or two and nodded. We did have a lot to talk about. “Yeah. I heard you.”

Finally! My mouth was going to work!

“And I heard you. Every.Single.Word.” Timothy’s fingers tucked beneath my chin, tilting it up so that I had to meet his gaze. I gulped. This was immediately followed by a few shaky breaths as I desperately tried to get some form of composure.

He licked his lips as his eyes fixed on my mouth and before I could stop myself, I whimpered quietly. Squirmed a little under the intent and heated gaze. My stomach rolled over lazily, a heat settling nicely in the pit of it.

He took a deep breath and closed the distance between our bodies. The hand tentatively gripping my hip dug in just a little more and when he took a breath, it was ragged. I looked up at him, waiting. Knowing I should probably say something, wanting to ask a million different questions, the biggest being that if he felt that way, why ignore me for weeks?

But again, nothing came.

“Were you being serious? When you said it..” Timothy’s eyes searched mine, almost as if he were looking for any kind of sign that I hadn’t been serious. That I hadn’t literally thrown myself at the man for weeks now without a good reason. I got the distinct feeling that him hearing me admit it so freely to Tommaso wasn’t something he was used to. It caught him by surprise. I also got the feeling that maybe, he was freaking out a little too.

“What part of literally everything I’ve been doing have you missed?” I didn’t even realize I’d asked the question out loud as opposed to merely thinking it until he raised his hand, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. The tension he normally carried seemed to melt away just a little. This in turn made me realize that I was clenched up pretty tight at the moment too and I took a deep breath, just kind of relaxing and letting myself melt against him.

Carefully.

Glancing up at him the entire time just to be absolutely sure he was okay with it.

His arm slipped around my waist and his fingers dug into my lower back as he pulled me closer. Staring down at me thoughtfully. Hungry look in his eyes. A quiet chuckle shattered heavy silence and I took a ragged breath, biting my lip as my eyes settled on his mouth. When I licked my lips, he squeezed my lower back, leaning down. Mumbling against the shell of my ear, “Oh, I didn’t miss any of it. I just thought you were a little tease.”

I pouted up at him, pretending to be hurt. “You’ve got me there.” I gave a soft laugh. I couldn’t deny it, he had me dead to rights. Before he came along and joined the roster, I used to flirt carelessly. Whenever someone caught my eye.

And then, Tim came along and managed to catch my attention… and hold it.

He chuckled, amused. And then the sound died away and he was staring at me again. That hungry look in his eyes only getting hungrier as they broke from mine and roamed my entire body. Slowly. I definitely felt like I was being undressed under the gaze. Just the thought had me squirming again, my thighs squeezing tighter as covertly as I could manage to do it.

“See something you like, Thatcher?”

“Only everything, doll.” the sound of his voice had me barely biting back a whimper as his eyes made their way back up my body to meet mine again. He pressed into me a little more, rough hands ghosting up and down my sides and I let myself melt against him completely. Giggling softly against the front of his shirt, “Hey, look at you.. Dancing and stuff.”

“Is that what we’re doing right now?” Tim mused, tucking his fingers beneath my chin to make me look up at him. I held his gaze, toying with the front of his tee shirt as I licked my lips.

“Keep it up, doll.” Tim muttered, his head tilting down slightly, his mouth brushing right against the corner of mine clumsily. When I nipped at his lip, he ground me against him. A sharp hiss escaped my lips as I felt the way he was straining against the jeans he was wearing already.

“Can’t believe you came out lookin like that.” the slightly teasing jealous tone to his voice didn’t go missed by me and I shrugged. “I wore it to do interviews tonight, just came straight here because I needed a good stiff drink… No thanks to you.”

Timothy chuckled. His hands moved down my sides, settling across my ass, grinding me right against him all over again as he stared me down intently. “I didn’t do anything.”

“The hell you didn’t! That whole match was.. Whew. It was an experience, okay?” I pulled away a little, making him pout. Fanning myself. Flirting a little bit more now because finally, it was starting to sink in.

This was a sure thing.

“An experience. I like that.” he laughed quietly, his mouth brushing right against mine as he did so, pulling away a little to smirk.

“So what line did Ciampa use tonight?” he asked after a few seconds passed, both of us dazed, dancing slow, my body melting into his and his arms around me. Tight. Like he didn’t want to let me go.

I cringed as I remembered Ciampa’s opening line and shook my head. “It was stupid. So fucking corny…”

“I wanna know, doll.”

I raised a brow as I gazed up at him. “Okay, here goes. He asked me if he said I had a beautiful body, would I hold it against him. He’s lucky I didn’t drive my stiletto through his nuts.”

“He’s lucky I haven’t killed him yet.” Timothy shook his head, letting out a low whistle and laughing. “He seriously used that line. Of all the lines. He went with that one.”

“Yeah.” I muttered, shaking my head. Timothy’s smile was infectious enough that it had me smiling a little. The awkwardness at him overhearing what he had practically falling away as we talked. Giving a teasing little pout, I eyed him. Letting my eyes roam his body slowly this time. Taking my time and really sizing up every inch of the man towering over me. I dragged a finger down the center of his chest, giving a soft giggle at the way I felt a little shiver race through him as I did so. “You could do better?” I questioned as his fingers dug into my body even more, giving me a good squeeze.

The squeeze only made me rub right against him all over again. My breath hitched and I gulped as he tilted my chin to make me look at him again, chuckling in amusement.

“I know I can do better, doll.” he stated. One of his hands drifted down, resting across my ass, gripping and squeezing and making me rub against him more. Harder. Until my breath was coming in shaky and short pants. I almost whimpered but somehow, I barely managed to stop myself.

“Let’s hear it then.”

He chuckled and shook his head. I pouted, giving him my best pleading eyes. “C’mon, you’ve already said you could do better…”

“Okay.” Timothy’s hands were moving up and down my sides again, almost as if doing so would either calm him down or make it easier for him to say whatever he wanted to say. It also made me really melt and mold myself against him. If I melted against him any more, I’d be draped over the poor guy, but honestly, I wasn’t worried about it at the moment. “C’mon.. Please?” I pleaded quietly.

He leaned in a little. The way he stepped closer as if he were going to tell me a secret had me pushed right against the wall of the bar and he was still pressing against me. I gasped a little as I felt his cock twitching, getting even harder and I wound up digging my fingers into broad shoulders as I raised my arms to wrap them around his neck.

His lips lazily brushed up against mine as he mumbled quietly, “ They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body… So.. do you wanna fight?”

I whimpered as his tongue brushed right against my lips, a shiver passing through my body. I had to hold on tighter, because it felt like all the bones left my body and I barely managed to  gasp out the word “Yes.”

His fingers dug into my body as his grip on me tightened and he pressed himself into me even more, putting my back firmly against the wall. I raised one of my legs to his hip and his hand roamed down, resting on my thigh, holding my leg in place. His tongue slipped between my lips and my mouth fell open willingly, my tongue in a desperate frenzy to meet his, tangling with it. I don’t know who did it first, but we wound up rubbing against each other several times as the kiss deepened to a point where I was starting to feel lightheaded. The more I rubbed against him, the wetter I got. I whimpered and whined into the kiss, making him chuckle.

Every single touch. Every single rub of our bodies against each other.. It all felt overwhelming. All I wanted was for him to get me out of the bar. Get me somewhere more private.

“Get me out of here.” I gasped out against his lips as we pulled apart to breathe and attempt to pull ourselves together. I could feel my lips swelling, a dull ache settling in. They were going to be a little bruised, I could already tell.

“Get you outta here, hm?” he chuckled as he closed the distance between our mouths again, capturing mine in a deep and greedy kiss filled with nipping teeth, his tongue dominating mine the second our mouths connected again. I dug my fingers into his shoulders just to even attempt staying upright, rubbing myself against him frantically. Something in him snapped and as soon as we pulled apart to breathe again, he was scooping me up and walking towards the door with one goal in mind. And just the realization had me dripping. My thighs aching because up to this point, I’d been squeezing them together as hard as possible and it fucking hurt.

Wordlessly, he hurried out the doors of the bar and across the parking lot, stopping to sit me on top of the hood of his car as he dug for the keys, swearing when he didn’t immediately pull them out of his pocket. I gave a soft giggle and wrapped my legs around his waist, clinging to him. Licking my lips as I stared up at his intently.

His kisses were going to make me an addict, I could feel it in my bones.

“Are you sure you want me to do that, doll?” his words came in a breathy pant against my mouth as his mouth buried in mine again and his teeth latched onto my bottom lip. The hood on the car  was cold beneath my ass. If I’d hoped it might cool me down any, I was sadly mistaken.

When  I rocked myself against him, he groaned, bucking himself into me as he raised one hand and caressed my cheek, pulling my mouth even deeper into the kiss. His other hand moved over my thigh, squeezing just a little more  with each time our bodies made contact. Disappearing up the hem of my dress and drawing a whimper out of me as soon as I felt it moving higher up my thigh.

“We should definitely get you out of here, doll. Because right now, I can’t control myself.” Timothy muttered lazily, his mouth breaking from mine to trail down my neck when I tilted my head, exposing it to him. His lips latched onto my skin and I shivered at the contact. As he left mark after mark on my neck, his hand settled palm down against my center, squeezing and rubbing, a throaty growl swallowed by the meeting of our mouths all over again when he realized just how wet I was already.

“Yeah, we’re leaving. Now.” he scooped me off the hood and after unlocking the passenger door, he sat me down in the passenger seat. As he went to raise up and shut the door, I couldn’t resist pulling him down again, pulling his mouth back against mine all over again as my hand palmed at the bulge strained hard against his jeans. He rocked his hips against my hand and nipped at my mouth, one of his hands skimming up my inner thigh, rubbing my cunt all over again. “This isn’t getting us to the hotel any faster, doll.” he pointed out and I bit my lip as we pulled apart to breathe, staring at each other hungrily.

“But I don’t wanna stop.” I pouted up at him. He leaned down, gripping at my jawline, pulling my mouth against his greedily. “You don’t, huh? Is that so?”

I nodded. His hand crept back up my inner thigh, finger trailing right down my center and sending another shiver racing through me. He pulled away and I pouted up at him all over again. He shut the door and walked around to the driver side, getting into it. The car started and he took off. One hand left the wheel and settled between my thighs. I whimpered, rocking myself against the wandering hand. My hand settled in his lap, palming at the way he strained against his jeans, making him growl quietly as he came to a stop under the stoplight.

His hips snapped against the movements of my hands and his hand squeezed my cunt. I bit my lip and whimpered, rocking against the way he rubbed me, eager for even a shred of friction. It still wasn’t enough.

We were within sight of the hotel when I decided to take things up just a notch. I leaned across the console and danced my lips up the side of his neck, latching on a little. He groaned and as soon as the car pulled to a stop in the parking lot of the hotel, he was rubbing me harder, growling at the way I kept getting wetter and wetter. “So wet, doll.” he muttered in a daze as his mouth met mine all over again, a rough and biting, needy kiss. His free hand was all over me, finally stopping at the back of my neck, thick fingers tangling in my hair and using his grip on my neck to pull my mouth against his even more.

“If you don’t take me inside, Timothy..” I gasped into the kiss, a needy whimper leaving my lips right after because I felt his fingers brush soaked fabric aside, trailing right down my center, teasing me. I shivered at the way it felt. The way he was deliberately managing to push every single hot button I had.

And hours ago, I found myself in wonder, I didn’t think he knew I existed, beyond the interviews I’ve had to do with him. Because he certainly managed to make it seem that way every single time I tried to get his attention otherwise…

He chuckled quietly. “What are you gonna do, doll?” teasing me. I squirmed as his finger trailed back over my center brazenly, and then started to drag slowly around my clit, circling the bundle of nerves lazily. Staring into my eyes the entire time, daring me to do something with this smirk on his face.

Oh, I was most definitely going to pay for months of teasing tonight. I could feel it.

“Please.” I whined, rocking myself against his finger and making him groan quietly when he felt me getting even wetter. After another long and breathless kiss, he was cutting off the car’s engine and getting out. Hurrying around to my side and throwing the door open. Wasting no time in scooping me up into his arms after a few seconds of swearing and grumbling because the seatbelt was stuck.

I giggled against his neck as he jogged across the parking lot. Stopping at the doors leading into the hotel to put my back right against brick, conquering my mouth all over again hungrily. One of his hands disappearing beneath the hem of my dress. My legs squeezed his waist and I threaded my fingers through his hair, rubbing myself against him as much as I could.

“You’re sure, right?” he gasped the words when we broke apart to breathe. I nodded, pulling his mouth back against mine all over again greedily. “I need you.”

“You need me, hm, doll?” he gazed at me, licking his lips. I nodded. Catching hold of his jaw and mumbling against his lips quietly, “Now.”

“Kind of bossy, are we? Especially given the fact that you’ve been teasing me for months now.” he chuckled, teasing as we stepped into the lobby.

It felt as if it took a million years to get to the floor his room was on. But once we did, my back was against the hotel door and as he slid the keycard, his mouth roamed over my neck, down the front of my throat as he bucked himself against me over and over again.

He pushed the door open, stepping through. I was tugging at his shirt as he tossed me down on the bed, leaning down over me as he sank to his knees, spreading my legs wide and licking his lips as his eyes settled on me all over again, making his way up my body for another kiss, his hand settling beneath my dress, the quiet tear of my panties seeming amplified as he ripped them away, tossed them into the floor.

He pushed my dress up and out of the way, letting me pull it over my head before turning his attention to my bra, tearing it away easily and tossing it out into the room as soon as he’d gotten it away from my body.

I went for the button on his jeans impatiently, giving him a begging look that had him raising up, unzipping his jeans, letting them pool on the floor at his ankles and then kicking them free.I rose to my knees, dragging a fingertip along his abdomen, making him shiver at the touch. Slowly tugging at the waistband of his boxers until he leaned down, fingers curling beneath my jawline to guide my mouth back against his all over again as he slipped onto the bed, carefully pushing me onto my back. He let his boxers hit the floor and I squirmed, eyes going wide at the sight of how fucking thick he was once his cock sprang free.

His hand curled around it, dragging it between my folds almost the second he was pressing himself into me, pinning me against the mattress. I moaned as he sank into me, hips snapping slowly against my body, his hand catching hold of both of mine, holding them so that I couldn’t move them, earning him a pout from me.

“That’s..” I gasped as his mouth crashed against mine again and again, “Not fair.”

He chuckled. “Not fair, huh? Correct me if I’m wrong here,” he groaned out as his mouth broke from mine to trail down the front of my throat, nipping at skin everywhere he let his lips linger long enough to do so, “But you’re the one who touched and touched and teased for months now.”. I could feel the marks he was leaving behind on my body already starting to form and I shuddered, going clingy as best as I could against him considering that he was holding both my hands completely still with each deep drive into me.

“Timothy, I..” I moaned, my back arching and my head falling back, my eyes fluttering open and closed as he continued to piston in and out, making me grip his sides with my legs and dig the heels of each foot into the comforter just to attempt easing the ache, the frustration of all the teasing he was putting me through.

It was too much. And somehow, also not enough.

His mouth found mine again, our lips latching onto each others as he buried himself even deeper inside, slowing down his thrusts, the soft smacking sounds of our lips meeting over and over again accompanied by my needy whimpers as I tried to rock against him, begging for it.

Harder. Faster.

Neither of which he was willing to indulge me.

Oh yeah, I was most certainly… Going to pay for all the teasing I’d done over the course of months tonight. Timothy Thatcher was going to see to that….

[kindahoping4forever]

Take Me Home For Christmas // Ashton Irwin

Thank you to everyone for the incredible feedback about yesterday’s fic! I can’t believe we’re nearing the end of Hoe For The Hoe-lidays - Cass and I hope you’ve enjoyed our holiday stories and that you’ll continue to enjoy them even once the holiday season is over. 

Be on the lookout for today’s Cal blurb to be posted to @cal-puddies​​ and absolutely, 1000% like set a reminder on your phone if you have to, do not forget to come back here to my blog tomorrow for the closing ceremony of The Hoe-lidays: the latest galaxybrain co-write from me and Cass. No spoilers but it might be my fav collab of ours to date.

Warnings: Banter, bonding and boning with stranger in a bar!Ash (the fic is much sweeter than that but I couldn’t resist the alliteration), casual protected sex, female masturbation, use of a vibrator  

Word Count: 3000

Hoe For The Hoe-lidays Masterlist

Masterlist // Taglist and Ko-Fi linked above

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

“Two years! Love of my life, best thing that ever happened!” Ashton raises his glass in an exaggerated toast and the inquiring stranger smiles kindly, taking their own drink and walking away.

You don’t know how you managed to wait until the coast was clear before you burst out laughing. He glances behind him to make sure the curious patron is gone before he turns to you, grinning. “Should I have said three or four years, was that too much for two? My relationships typically don’t last even that long,” he admits, shaking his head.

“Listen, if I were well-adjusted enough to know what it’s like for someone to call me ‘the best thing that ever happened’ to them, I probably wouldn’t be spending Christmas Eve alone in a bar,” you point out with a laugh.

“But you’re not alone,” he leans in, nudging you a bit. “You’re out with your boyfriend of two years, celebrating his return home from an extensive and wildly successful world tour with his band.”

You cackle, “OK, that part was definitely a flourish too far, I don’t think anybody bought that.”

He smiles slyly. “You’re probably right,” he lilts, taking a sip, giving you a look over his glass that makes you grateful your holiday had turned out the way it did.

You’d made the tough call not to fly home for Christmas this year; you couldn't afford it and you didn't feel right taking your parents up on their offer to pay. Unfortunately, literally everyone you knew did get out of town for the holidays, leaving you with nowhere to go and no one to see.

On Christmas Eve, you ended up at the corner bar, which was nowhere near as lively as you'd hoped: save for what appears to be an older ladies' night out and a few stragglers, it was deserted. After exhausting your conversation options with the bartender, you ended up chatting with the man a couple stools over from you. He was handsome, charming and seemed to have an opinion or anecdote about any topic you raised. Looking for companionship, or at least some entertainment, you asked him to join you.

His name was Ash and he was in a similar predicament as you this Christmas. You didn't get a chance to get more in depth personally; maybe it's the ease you have with each other, maybe it's the way your outfits happen to complement each other but one by one, the women from the back of the bar approach you to kindly tell you what a nice couple you make and make small talk about your relationship. Rather than embarrass them - and again, for some entertainment - you both silently agree to humor them and answer as if you are together and before long, you've established an elaborate narrative for your romance.

“So where’d you take me for our anniversary this year, babe?” You grin, enjoying this game.

“Surprised you with Disney World,” he says confidently, gesturing towards the Stitch keychain decorating your car keys sitting on the bar. “Hid the plane tickets in your work bag, you found them at the office and called me to scream about it but I was already in the lobby to surprise you for lunch.”

You giggle, “Wow, not to brag about your boyfriend-ing skills or anything.”

Ashton shrugs and clinks your glass. “Nothing but the best for my girl.” You feel yourself flush and know it had to have been from his words, you both switched from booze to water quite some time ago.

“What about my birthday?” He asks, eyes playfully challenging you. “It’s in July, if that makes a difference.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see one of the ladies you talked to earlier and you lean in, resting your hand on his, continuing to sell your story. “Intimate backyard barbeque with friends, bonfire at night. I saved up and bought that acoustic guitar you’d been eyeing online but I waited to give it to you until everyone left because I wanted it to be a special moment between us,” you say quietly, pleased with your answer.

He smiles brightly and you feel yourself actively suppressing the urge to kiss over the dimples that form on his face. “A guitar, huh? I’m actually a drummer,” he teases.

“When you tipped the bartender, there was a guitar pick mixed in with your cash,” you point out smugly.

“Oh,” he giggles, clearly a little flustered. “Didn’t realize you were payin’ such close attention to me,” he flirts.

“Gotta make sure my man gets what he wants,” you cheekily reply.

He moves in closer and you’re pretty sure he’s about to kiss you when another inquisitive customer interrupts to tipsily assert that Ash is a fool if he doesn’t “put a ring on it” this holiday season. You both take the comment in stride and laugh together when the encounter is over. The heat from your near-kiss is still there but the moment has decidedly passed.

After a few more entries into your pretend love story and a few more close encounters, the bar starts clearing out. You can’t believe you spent the whole evening talking with Ashton but you also don’t want it to end; you haven’t felt chemistry like this with someone in a long time. You walk to the door with him and you’re not surprised when you hear yourself say, “My place or yours, babe?”

He turns to you with a wide smile, amusement and what you’re hoping is lust in his eyes. “I was hoping you might say that,” he admits.

“Can’t let my travel-weary boyfriend wake up alone on Christmas morning,” you chirp, stepping out into the cool night air.

“That part of the story was actually true,” he chuckles. “I did just get home from touring with my band.”

You raise your eyebrows, interested. “Well, the part about me living just down the street was also true, so let’s start walking,” you wink, starting to lead the way. 

He laughs loudly and reaches out for your arm, smoothly pulling you into his arms for a charged kiss, the tension that’s been building all evening finally boiling over. His lips are softer than you imagined but his technique is as fevered and demanding as you’d hoped; your tongue makes its way into his mouth and you murmur when his strokes it in turn.

It’s hard to say if it’s the chilly weather or your desire but you make it back to your apartment in record time. It’s not often you bring home guys you just met but as you lead him to your bedroom, you realize how he doesn’t feel like that at all, almost as if your fictitious history together has bled into reality.

Ash shuts your bedroom door behind him and you waste no time pressing yourself into him, making out and undressing each other until you’re both down to your underwear. He lifts you up by your thighs, wrapping them around his waist; he tries to get fancy and kiss you while he carries you over to the bed, hitting his leg on the edge of the frame and almost sending you both flying.

The two of you break into laughter as he safely drops you on the bed. “Did some rearranging since last time I was over, huh, baby?” He jokes, sitting up against the headboard to rub the knot on his shin.

“Vibes were off without you here, had to get some feng shui happening,” you reply, trying to catch your breath after your giggle fit. You let your eyes roam over his near naked body. He’s fit, almost ridiculously muscular and judging by his biceps, you decide he must’ve been telling the truth about being a drummer. You didn’t expect all the tattoos you’re seeing but you definitely approve and the amused look on his face tells you he’s noticed.

“Like the new ink, babe? Wanted to surprise you,” he grins, drawing your attention to a large, dark coin decorating the left side of his ribcage. 

You crawl over to him and let your fingertips dance over the tattoo. “Very nice,” you murmur before mouthing over it. He groans when your tongue pokes out at it and you shudder at the sound, continuing to move around his chest, hoping to hear it again.

He lets you play and then flips you over so he can show you some appreciation as well. He nips and nibbles around your neck and chest, doubling back when you breathe a particularly enthusiastic sigh of approval. 

“Love this underwear, by the way,” he comments as he removes your bra. “Just like you wore on our first date. Took you home from a bar that night too”

You giggle at his addition to your story. “Oh did you? I thought earlier we said our first date was at an Italian restaurant.” You gasp as his mouth encases your nipple.

“Well… dinner then drinks, obviously,” he retorts, snickering against you. He pulls back to discard your panties and you swear you can almost feel his eyes devouring you. “Holy shit, you’re gorgeous.”

You beam and beckon him closer; before you can kiss him like you planned, his mouth is back on your neck, trying to relocate that spot under your jaw that caused you to moan so boldly, he felt his cock twitch. His hand is busy between your legs, tracing lightly around your lips before dipping into your folds to see what makes you tick.

You feel him hard against your thigh as he plays with you so you reach down to return the favor; you do your best to maintain a poker face when you feel the size of him through his boxers but Ashton’s fingers inside you undoubtedly feel the surge of wetness your realization brings. 

You eagerly slip your hand inside his underwear and you both groan when you wrap your hand around him. His cock couldn’t be more ready for you, head dripping with precum; you spread it liberally as you touch him, thoughts racing as your hand seems to keep going and going down his length before you reach the base. You give him a squeeze, biting your lip at the feel of his weight and girth in your hand.

He quietly curses as your strokes become more confident; together you get rid of his boxers and as his cock springs free, he teases you with a smile. “Think you can take it, baby?”

“It has been a while,” you admit, slyly adding, “I mean… with you on tour and everything.” He chuckles and gives you a swat as you sit up to dig through your nightstand.

You shoot him a glance over your shoulder and he breaks character for a second, rushing out, “I… did that without even thinking, I’m sorry. Was that OK?”

You toss the condoms and lube on the bed and give his cock a few more tugs as you shrug, “Do it harder next time.”

Ash smirks as he gets situated, rolling on a condom and lubing up his length before tossing you the bottle; when you’re ready, you get up on all fours, flashing him a dazzling smile over your shoulder. “Just like our first date, right?”

He grins, kneeling behind you, large hands covering your ass, squeezing and giving it a couple firm spanks as requested. You gasp as his cock taps against your clit before pushing into you, paying close attention to your breathing to see if you need him to slow down. You hear his breath heavy as well and you know you must feel tight around him, no one has ever filled you like this before; it’s overwhelming but you’re aching with anticipation so you rock back against him, letting out a breathy “Please” for good measure.

The soft way he runs his hands over your back is a fascinating contrast to the rough snap of his hips against your ass as he drives his cock into you. You fuck with a familiarity you didn’t expect, listening to each other’s sounds to tell you what the other needs.

You stretch on the bed more, popping your ass out further, inviting him to really let you have it; the sound of a loud smack on your ass fills the room and his thrusts increase in both speed and impact. You want to think of something clever to say, to let him know how good he’s making you feel and to continue the intimacy of your fictional romance but all you can think about is how full his cock makes you feel.

You hear his breath speed up but feel his hips slowing and you deduce he’s trying to stave off his orgasm; you’re nowhere near close so you decide to improve the situation for you both. “Babe, can we try something else?” You look over your shoulder winningly. “Feels good but I need more.”

Ashton pulls out, taking a few deep breaths while you turn onto your back; he sits upright on his knees in front of you and after some brief negotiations with your flexibility, you swing your legs up on his shoulder before he slips himself back in.

This new position is quickly much more intense than either of you anticipated. He’s hitting deeper than before and you’re in heaven with his hands roving over your stomach and chest; having your legs close together like this makes you seem even tighter and you hear him breathing even faster than before.

He fucks you hard and the combination of hearing your desperate sounds, seeing your tits bounce and feeling your pussy grip his cock so tightly is too much. “Fuck… ‘s too fuckin’ good, baby… fuck,” he groans and within seconds he’s filling the condom with cum.

You moan watching as he loses himself in the feeling, slowing his hips gradually until he’s spent. He carefully slides your legs off his shoulder, offering you a peck and a quiet apology as he gets up to throw away the condom.

Maybe it’s out of habit, maybe you are just that comfortable with this stranger for some reason,  but without hesitation you reach back into your nightstand and retrieve your favorite vibrator. 

You feel Ash get back into bed and you turn to see him propped up on his side, watching you intently as you slick the vibe through your wetness. “No offense...” you start.

“None taken,” he smiles, studying your toy. “I was gonna offer you my mouth, but…”

“This’ll be a lot quicker,” you insist, teasing the tip of the toy at your entrance. “You relax, enjoy the afterglow. I’ll join you in literally like three minutes.” You push it in and click the button to start it vibrating inside you.

He scoots closer, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Two years in and the romance is already dead,” he jokingly laments.

You cackle loudly, clenching around your vibe and your laughs turn into a moan. “Goddammit, Ash, you wanna crack jokes or help your ol’ girl out?”

He smiles and pulls you into a sleepy kiss while his other hand grips and massages your breast. His tongue lazily dances with yours and his hands travel over your skin, caressing, teasing, igniting all while you work the vibe between your thighs.

You pull away from his mouth to pant, “Check this shit out.” You click a second button on the toy and the clitoral vibrator whirs to life. Ashton can almost immediately detect the difference in your breathing.

He rolls your nipple between his fingers, watching as your back arches and your hips swirl. “Just like that, baby, come on. Let me see you cum,” he murmurs.

You’re surprised to hear yourself call out his name when you begin clenching around your toy and you especially don’t expect to tug on his hair, silently pleading for him to kiss you while the waves of pleasure overtake your body.

You whimper and pant against his lips until you have to pull away to frantically turn the vibrator off, nearing overstimulation. You close your eyes and catch your breath, waiting for the aftershocks to stop, your legs to stop shaking. 

You finally open your eyes to see him offering you a handful of tissues he thoughtfully snagged off the bedside table; you graciously accept, wrapping them around your toy so you can set it on the nightstand. You look over at him again, gazing at each other for a beat before bursting into euphoric giggles. 

You return to the bedroom after cleaning up to find Ash laying in his boxers, messing with his phone. You don’t know if you should say it out loud but you really hope he’s not ordering a car to take him home.

“Well, I can only speak for myself but I’d call that a decidedly Merry Christmas,” you sigh exhaustedly, flopping onto the bed.

He sets his phone aside and looks you over as you stretch out beside him. “This is cute,” he smiles, pinching at the Christmas cookie themed nightshirt you threw on in the bathroom. “Would you say that was more or less fun than our first Christmas together?”

You grin at him as you try to remember what tale you’d spun back at the bar. “Oh god… car broke down on the way to my parents’ house… seasonally appropriate ‘no room at the inn’ joke… fashioned a Christmas dinner out of motel vending machine snacks?”

“That’s the one,” he cackles. A mischievous look crosses his features and he leans in to you. “You know, we haven’t reminisced about what else went on in that motel room...” He trails off, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows.

You bite your lip, pulling him closer by the chain around his neck. “Hmm... I’m actually having trouble remembering that part,” you flirt, nibbling at his bottom lip. “Maybe you could remind me, babe? And please, take your time.”

————-

Taglist issues again so my apologies if you get notif’d more than once (or not at all)

@mymindwide​​ @suchalonelysunflower​​​ @pxrxmoore​​ @loveroflrh​​ @ghostofmashton​​ @sexgodashton​​ @feliznavidaddycal​​  

@castaway-cashton​​ @ashtonlftv​​ @cashtonasfuck​​ @megz1985​​ @ashdork-irwin​​ @angelicfluffs​​ @findingliam-o​​ @youngbloodchild​​  @irwinsbetch​​ @everyscarisahealingplace​​

@wiildflower-xxx​​ @metalandboybands​​​  @realisticnotes​​​  @makeamovehemmings​​​ @golden166​​​ @burstintocolor​​​

@mfartzzz​​​ @babyoria​​​ @petunias-pet​ @youngblood199456​​​ @notinthesameguey​​​ @seanna313​​​  @zhangyixingxing1​​​ @stardust-galaxies​​​  @zackoid​​​

@lovelybonesetc​​​ @xsongxbirdx​​​ @justhereforcalum​​​   @ashtonangst​​

@laura66sos​​​ @calumrose​​​ @karajaynetoday​​​  @pilunb​​​ @jazzyangel242​​​ @babylon-corgis​​​  @heyheyhaleyd​​​ @calmsweetcreature​​​

@spicycal​​​ @talkfastromance4​​​  @holystxne​​​

@meetmedowntown​​​ @myloverboyash​​​

@irwindoll​​​ @cheekysos​​​ @carrielfisher​​​ @lukedorkyhemmings​​​ @creampiecashton​​​ @lovelywordsblog​​​

@trix-arent-for-kids​ @uh-huhh-honey​ @tobefalling​ @aladyofalbion​ @likehuhdude​

@curlycalums  @cxddlyash  @reddesert-healourblues

@fedorable-killjoys  @iamcalumswhore   @i-like-5sos   @Too-et-moi215

@photochic18  @kouska901 @Indermeow  @dantord

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 1x13 Route 666

In this review, I will talk about Dean’s first love, Sam’s puerile behaviour, and… not much else. Not a detailed one this time, folks. Lower your expectations.

After 1x12 <em>Faith</em>, it is indeed a disappointment to come to 1x13 <em>Route 666</em>, penned by the nepotism duo six years before they became the nepotism duo. With a score of 7.4 on IMDb, this episode definitely ranks near the bottom of all episodes of The Show. Some people really like it, mainly for the themes of racism in America which the show never touches again after this episode. I honestly cannot summon the energy to especially care for it, though, in spite of its few good moments and insights into Dean’s past and character. If anybody would like an in-depth discussion of this episodes, I will direct you to Paula R. Stiles’ review of it in her book ‘The Supernatural Codex’ or on her website:

(<a href="https://href.li/?https://web.archive.org/web/20191230092703/http://www.innsmouthfreepress.com:80/blog/retro-recap-and-review-supernatural-1-13-route-666/" class="tumblr-link">https://web.archive.org/web/20191230092703/http://www.innsmouthfreepress.com:80/blog/retro-recap-and-review-supernatural-1-13-route-666/</a> (Recap and review of 1x13 <em>Route 666</em>)

Since I have nothing to add to the racism discussion, I will instead focus on Dean and Cassie’s relationship for my (relatively short) analysis of this episode. Cassie and Dean met at some time between Sam’s departure to Stanford University and Dean recruiting him in 1x01, some point in the early 2000s. It is not apparent to first-time viewers at this point, but Dean had next to no friends growing up, and no serious girlfriends or boyfriends, perhaps excepting Lee from 15x08. The ‘girlfriend’ we see him with in 4x13 <em>After School Special </em>did not seem like a close, meaningful relationship at all.

It was impossible for Dean and Sam to form meaningful bonds with almost anybody throughout their upbringing due to John isolating them from the rest of the world. Any bonds of friendship or romance they had were fleeting and shallow. This is all made much clearer throughout the show, rendering Dean and Cassie’s relationship as more meaningful in the context of his life. He said she was the first person he opened himself up to, which by itself is a big thing, but in the context of Dean and Sam’s lives, it is even more so.

What exactly it was about Cassie that attracted Dean to her is never made clear, so I am just going to conclude the nepotism duo decided to go with instaromance because they needed the white-skinned lead to be in a romantic relationship with the brown-skinned one-shot character to reflect an interracial romance which happened forty years prior in the same town. That is dull from a character perspective, but it makes thematic sense, at least.

Perhaps Dean thought she was exceptionally pretty at first, and then she won him over by making him tea. As a Brit, I can relate. I think, however, that 24-ish year old Dean simply fell head-over-heels in infatuation because she showed him something nobody since his mother had ever shown him: affection. Their interactions show that she clearly cared about him and did not seem to expect him to<em> do</em>anything for her, and that was likely so novel and validating for Dean’s self-esteem that he was utterly besotted.

This is of course conjecture based on what I know of Dean, and conclusions reached in discussion with other Supernatural scholars and Deans of Dean on Discord. The show neither tells or shows us much at all about the nature of their relationship. We are expected to believe Dean loved Cassie based on Sam’s suppositions, and there is no reason to think otherwise. If Dean had never been in a serious relationship of any kind beforehand, spending what appears to have been 2-3 weeks, or even a month, with somebody who cared about him was likely enough for him to love that person.

Unfortunately, the viewer does not get to see much of Cassie’s personality or interests, but what the show does give the viewer is a scene with her making tea in little cups for Dean, Sam, and her mum. She also treats Dean with respect, meaning she is honest with him and speaks her mind, but does not treat him badly or as if he were an embarrassing, developmentally-challenged child (Looking at you, Missouri and Sam). She treats him like an equal, which would have been earth-shaking to Dean at the time.

Cassie also has enough respect for both herself and Dean to draw a clear line at the end of the episode and cut off any possibility of a future for the two of them. From her POV, this makes complete sense. She had seen a glimpse of the world Dean lived in, and neither wanted to be part of it, nor wanted the stress and anxiety of waiting for Dean to come home safe.

I also suspect Dean knew nothing would come of their reunion. He did seem to want something to happen between them, but he did not sound very hopeful. Personally, I cannot relate to Cassie’s apparent rationale: Dean is going to be in danger whether she is in his life or not. All cutting him out of her life does is spare her anxiety and stress, while doing nothing to change his situation. As somebody who sacrifices my own mental well-being for other people’s benefit, I struggle to get behind her choice. It is also selfish of her to call him in for help when she needs it, then to kick him out when she does not need him anymore.

I will not take this opportunity to tear her character apart, because I do not believe she was motivated by selfishness or hostility. I do, however, think she was a stupid person in her early to mid 20s who made stupid decisions and had to live with them. As somebody who chose to study a degree in Finnish, I can relate. I also think she was completely unprepared to deal with a person as traumatised as Dean. She even said in the post-coital conversation whilst playing with his nipple that she was perhaps trying to find a way out of their relationship before he even told her about his secret life. Why was she trying to find a way out? Did she just want a brief fling and then to leave? Or did Dean need more from her than she could give?

By the way, a man hiding a ‘secret life’ from his girlfriend is definitely a metaphor for something. If only I could think what…

At some point near the end of their ‘relationship’, Dean did tell her about his secret life, and she rejected him completely for it. She did not want to understand, did not want to listen to him, and did not want to be around him anymore. Anybody who has read my review of 1x06 <em>Skin </em>should know where my mind is going with this: it is easily read as a metaphor for bisexuality. Given this rejection of his ‘secret side, it seems incredibly rich of Cassie to then accuse him of closing himself off when opening up to her in the first place is what got him rejected. Please do also note, Dear Reader, that Cassie flung <em>all </em>the blame for what happened at Dean. She <em>did</em> eventually give the ‘I’m sorry’ I was waiting for, but only after she said all those things and she did not take any of it back.

I do not dislike Cassie, but she was clearly out of her depth completely, ignorant and scared, and Dean got seriously wounded by her. I have been there: if I were younger, more inexperienced, and actually still cared at that point, being rejected for my ‘ADHD’ and Asperger’s traits would have been a huge kick in the metaphorical gibbly bits. ...A bit like when I was rejected for suffering with depression. Opening yourself up to somebody only to have him/her reject you because s/he does not like who you really are is not something you recover from fast.

So while Cassie was not motivated by malice, she still caused a lot of damage. Had she been less freaked out by Dean’s ‘secret side’, they might have been able to work on it, but she made her decision and he respected it. Personally, I am glad nothing further happened between them: in spite of what seem like good intentions, she <em>did </em>treat him bad, and his standards were so low that <em>this </em>is what he thought ‘love’ was. I do not think they were good together.

Apropos respect (or rather a lack thereof), Sam was absolutely insufferable in this episode. I expect the writers were probably intending for him to come across as a teasing younger brother, but as somebody who has had my personal boundaries and dignity maliciously violated repeatedly over my life, I did not take kindly to Sam’s behaviour.

Let us begin at the start of the episode. Ignoring the piss-poor writing evidenced by introducing the ‘we never tell people outside the family about our work’ rule in the same scene it becomes important, Sam really should have thought before opening his mouth to scold Dean in the car. His choice to not tell Jess about his hunting life was <em>his </em>choice, not Dean’s, so I do not know why I should care about his feelings. Moreover, how close could he possibly have been to Jess if he never told her the truth about his life in all the time they were together? Dean was with Cassie for around a <em>month </em>and he told her.

Dean tried to downplay his relationship with her, likely out of a lack of trust in the person he would be talking to about it (Sam), but she was important. That Sam was surprised – nay, shocked – Dean had something which lasted more than a night suggests he still sees Dean as a cliché and archetype, rather than an actual person.

I start the episode on a bad footing (remember, there still has not been any real contrition since he shot Dean twice in 1x10 <em>Asylum</em>), and things once again carry on in the same vein. The annoying little brother act is likely intended to be funny, but it is more of the same from Sam: treating Dean like a mentally-stunted, emotionally-challenged embarrassment whom he just loves trying to wind up so he can watch him go. If they were 12, this would be understandable and nothing noteworthy, but Sam is 22 here, and Dean is 27. It really is inappropriate behaviour at this point.

The scene in their room, for example, when they are putting their ties on, <em>could </em>have been nice, but it just turned annoying within seconds. Dean clearly did not want to talk to Sam about Cassie in that scene, and played down her importance to him in the car at the beginning of the episode. It was clearly something he wanted to keep to himself, but Sam simply would not let up. “You look at her when she’s not looking, she looks at you when you’re not looking.” Insufferable.

Dean clearly tried to end this conversation soon after that, to which Sam said “If I’m hitting a nerve-” Am I supposed to be amused by this? My people skills are rusty, so I’m not the best judge, but I think I was supposed to amused by it. I was not. It does not come across in my writing, but I shouted at Sam a few times whilst watching this episode. I am aware I raised the idea of him having some kind of autism spectrum disorder in my previous review, and one trait of high-functioning autism/Asperger’s is saying awkward, offensive, or gauche things completely by accident simply because social propriety is difficult to gauge for autists. My amateur analysis is that this does not qualify as such, because Sam shows no confusion, regret, or even sadness that he had angered, upset, or offended Dean, but rather he smiled and scoffed. Please remember this man is 22, not 12.

Equally irritating and inappropriate was his later conversation with Dean after finding out that racism in the town was something which happened in the 1960s and absolutely not in any way whatsoever a part of life in 2006. From the writers’ perspective, Sam’s gauche and invasive comments about ‘You dumped her…<em>She</em>dumped<em>you</em>.’ ‘You loved her,” etc was an attempt to ensure the idiots sitting at the back understood what was going on, but in-world it was a douche move showing a flagrant disregard for privacy or integrity. “You might want to mention that other thing, that serious unfinished business.” Shut up, Sam.

Some people might interpret this as fraternal ribbing, but in the context of Sam’s treatment of Dean so far in these 13 episodes as well as his treatment of him in the future, to me it seems much more like an attempt at control through a slow, steady breaking of Dean’s self-confidence and self-determination. Sam will not let Dean do things the way Dean is comfortable doing them, nor let him decide what parts of himself he keeps ‘secret’ and which parts he lets others see. He does not allow Dean any integrity or personal boundaries.

I do <em>try</em> to go easy on Sam, but his smug grin, his ‘<em>me smart university man</em>’ attitude, and his nosiness rubbed me up the wrong way this episode, and since I had little else to write about or focus on, I did not pull any punches. Funnily enough, I will be MUCH kinder to him in the next episode.

To finish, I am really not sure what I am supposed to make of Dean’s smile in answer to Sam’s question ‘Does it ever make you wonder whether this is all worth it?’ Maybe that is the point.

A relatively short analysis this time. Please do consider reading Paula R. Stiles’s review if you would like a more in-depth look at this episode. I starting reading her stuff around 6 ½ years ago, and my interactions with both this show and media in general have not been the same since. I would not be producing these analyses if it were not for her (and Passion of the Nerd, if you like Buffy). Her work is definitely a worthwhile investment. Here is a link to her website:

<a href="https://href.li/?https://web.archive.org/web/20210225131647/https://thesnowleopard.net/thehistoricalmeow/category/supernatural/season-1/" class="tumblr-link">https://web.archive.org/web/20210225131647/https://thesnowleopard.net/thehistoricalmeow/category/supernatural/season-1/</a>

<a href="https://href.li/?https://web.archive.org/web/20191230092703/http://www.innsmouthfreepress.com:80/blog/retro-recap-and-review-supernatural-1-13-route-666/" class="tumblr-link">https://web.archive.org/web/20191230092703/http://www.innsmouthfreepress.com:80/blog/retro-recap-and-review-supernatural-1-13-route-666/</a>(Recap and review of 1x13 <em>Route 666</em>)

Next time, I will be discussing 1x14 <em>Nightmare</em>, a mytharc episode which furthers the plot of the overall first series by revealing more about Sam’s powers and his past, and one which makes subtle hints and suggestions about John’s treatment of his sons.

[chateautae]

Hi sammy

Sammy you are my most most favourite author here. I love your fics. I loved "maybe i do" and still waiting for next chapter 😘😗

I dont know how you will perceive it, but there are some parts of your ffs which are uhm.. somewhat problematic.

Ya ya i know it may sound wierd , and i dont want to be rude here. As i said you are my favourite , so like why would i upset someone who is my favourite you know 😗

Okay so before i start , i really want to appreciate your fics. I loved how you wrote mid yn's character , she is fierce in her opinion and doesnt take any bullshit. I also loved how you wrote mid taehyung's character he is loving and caring, a bit rude but knows his boundaries.

Which is great

But you know there are some parts

Like when there were two random girls in the washroom who bullied yn because she married taehyung(??)

I know it is your story and you have every right to portray your characters anyway you want .

But why is it always gonna be a woman , who are insecure of each other.

Cant we be supportive ? Cant we be acceptable?

Just like the girl that barged in taehyung's cabin and yn felt insecure (??)

As if women just want to show down each other.

But we both know this , that how women generally are the most supportive people we have ever met. They cheer us, motivate us . They aren't like how the mainstream cinema portrays them , they are much more.

They are not just someone's love interest they have a character , like yn she has a character of her own , she is written with so much depth.

It is also beautiful to see how her character developed into a more secure lady.

Also a special mention to Hana. She is my favourite , i love how she is so chaotic but is always there for her best friend.

Like she will beat up anybody who tries to trouble yn.

I am not telling you to what should you write and what should you not. They are your characters you can portray them in anyway you want , but the point here is can we like acknowledge woman for being supportive rather than some people who dont know what they want and their only goal is to get into a rich man's pants.

Okay - that was a bit rude.

Sorry i didnt meant to be rude. But I will still stand to my point . I love your fic and will continue reading them. Your work is amazing and you know it 🌝

Common you do know that you are brilliant.

The only thing is that how you show that the goal of most female characters other than yn is to get in mid tae's pants.

And you may think , it is not a big deal. But it is , it shows that how us women see each other , do we see each other as gold digger no hell not. Never.

Right?

Then why shows these type of women and degrade them to some sort of gold digger?

I hope you will see into this.

Also your fic is so much better when we compare to the other fucs here on tumblr ,where the character of yn is so hollow and someone who just cant survive without the support of a man and like how other women just try to make her life hell :(

Trust me your fic is a ray of hope:)

Again i am sorry if it came Out as rude. But i wanted to tell you this like from a month but didnt had the courage. But then your blog is an actual safe place so finally i am writing it to you ☺️

First off, I would like to make clear to this anon that when I meant this blog is a safe space, it's a safe space first and foremost for me, not just anyone in random, and sending an ask like this quite invalidates the idea of a safe space. Though I'm answering this ask to clear things up, so please feel free to scroll past it if it bothers you, everyone knows I hate drama on my blog.

My answers to this ask will be a) female characters also include people like namjoon and seokjin's wives, hana, his mother, y/n's mother and even the mention of tae's grandmother, I do not recall them wanting to get into Tae's pants, and I have only mentioned 3 actual women from Tae's past.

b) I usually don't entertain asks like this, but I found it quite ironic how you verbally "do not intend to be rude" and yet, you go on to be rude.

c) You have only mentioned 3 female characters, and none of those women actually verbally mention that they loved Tae for his riches. If you read the story carefully, any assumptions of that kind are all in Y/N's head.

d) Taehyung only ever mentions that he's a bit used to being asked for things after sex, which makes complete sense since he's a handsome, young, and rich CEO. I get your concerns about how women are "portrayed by me" in this story, but I don't think you're considering that this is a high-class au, it's meant to portray the world of rich people, where it's very common for NOT JUST WOMEN, but men to also use people as well. I very much mention Y/N's father being pushed around and used for having a start-up until he finally made a name for himself. I'm unsure if you remember Alex and Kiseok, her ex in the story, but they're also portrayed as men trying to essentially "get in the pants" of a high-class woman, Y/N.

I really did not appreciate the lecture about how women should be portrayed, because trust me, I get it. Of course, I fucking love women and stand for them standing with each other, fuck dudes man. But to think that is the case all the time is also a fatal mistake, people IN GENERAL suck. I've had plenty of negative experiences that have come from women, and I know myself that they're not all the sunshine and rainbows, all people aren't. I see your criticism and I understand it, though I think it needs to be understood it's simply the nature of this au, not how I see women in general.

People, IN GENERAL, use people for money, it's something unfortunately common, and in this story it's only mentioned to capture the scene of the au. If you hold on until chapter 13, you'll very much see that I've portrayed BOTH men and women to be quite awful, gold-digging people.

[coldmorte]

Honestly if Dutch van der Linde curb stomped me I would probably thank him, no questions asked, and I think you'll say the same-

OKAY.

You know me WAY TOO WELL. I was thinking about this ALL day and smiling to myself because it’s SO TRUE. I mean, what a conversation starter and one hell of an amazing story to tell… in the event of survival.

Also, I was quite captivated by this idea (and apparently quite bored). It’s been a long ass week, I needed to blow off steam, and you planted the idea in my mind.

SO I BLAME YOU FOR THE SHORT STORY THAT CAME OUT OF THIS 😵

This has to be one of the worst things I have EVER WRITTEN and definitely the worst post I have EVER made on the internet.

I am straight-up warning you right now - you probably don’t even want to read what this turned into. I hesitated as to whether or not I should even post this because it is SO BAD, but I figured… what the hell? What do I have to lose? I don’t give a damn. (This blog WAS reputable once upon a time, I swear....)

Aside from the internal shame I bear and my strong desire to forget this, I will give one other major warning… VIOLENCE. This is a bit graphic, but hey… I didn’t bring up the idea. I merely brought it to life. 🤷‍♀️

Sooooo with that in mind, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOUR EYES AND MIND WILL FOREVER BE CURSED, BUT IF YOU ACCEPT THOSE TERMS, GO AHEAD. 😈😈😈😈

(PS if anybody is considering unfollowing me because of this post, I do not blame you one bit. But also, I promise it isn’t always like... this.)

I heard him before I saw him.

The sharp click-clack of his boot heels echoed loudly as he marched down the paved avenue. It was a harsh sound - heavy, but quick. There was a clear purpose in the steps. In the dead of night like this, nobody would dare to venture out without a good reason.

It had to be him.

Taking a drag from my cigarette, I smiled to myself as I lifted my head and blew the smoke towards the stars overhead. My eyes watched as it curled and twisted against the backdrop of the night sky, eventually dissipating into the vast heavens above.

When I finally lowered my chin, I could see his figure rapidly nearing out of the corner of my eye. I dropped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it with my foot. Still, I kept my head turned away from him. I wasn’t about to give him my attention that easily.

“You.”

The tone of his voice was deep and heated as he confronted me. I kept my eyes fixed on the ground as I saw him try to stand in my line of sight and force me to look at him, which only encouraged me to tuck my chin closer to my chest. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I could feel my lips pulling into a wider smile.

“Look at me.” His voice seethed with so much fury, he didn’t even have to raise it to convey the emotional gravity of the words. Even so, I refused to give in that easily. He would have to do more than that if he was going to get what he came for.

Seeming to catch onto my resolve, his hands lurched forward and grabbed me by the jaw. He pulled my face upwards and held it there, forcing me to look into his eyes. It was hard to speak with his fingers digging into the soft flesh of my cheeks as he pinned my head to the wall. I could barely mumble out, “Hello to you as well, Dutch.”

Not even taking the time to allow for decent civility, Dutch ignored the greeting and got straight to the point. “Where are they? What did you do with them?”

I squirmed slightly under his touch as I moved my hands up to grip at his wrists. Tugging them downwards, he allowed them to be moved to my shoulders instead. However, his grasp tightened as he leaned his face closer to make up for the change. I knew better than to step out of line or push him anymore than I already was, but -

“With what? I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

Involuntarily, my hands reached forwards and clutched at the fabric of his waistcoat to steady myself as he shoved me harder into the wall. I practically hummed at the feeling of the tight muscles of his chest beneath, biting my lip to suppress my ever-growing smirk. Even in the dim light, I could see his eyes narrow as his face pulled into a fierce scowl. The vein in his forehead throbbed with intensifying anger as he hissed out his next words. All this energy, all this attention…. just for me.

“You know what! MY GODDAMN EVELYN MILLER BOOKS!”

At that remark, I couldn’t hold it back any more. I felt my lips part into a wide grin as I flashed my teeth at him. I knew I was toeing a fine line here - quite a precarious one, to be more exact. My own eyes narrowed as I relished in the pure mirth of the situation. Dutch would have to kill me before I’d give that information up.

“Come on, you’re the one always saying we need more money. Miller’s entire collection, all signed first editions? They’re worth more money than the entire gang could earn in a month, maybe two.”

Silence.

It was as if time itself froze. Even the breeze and the insects of the night became mute.

Then, those brown eyes flashed with a glimmer of rage as they widened. His lips fell open in an inaudible gasp as the fingers dug into my shoulders with bruising strength. Voice uneven and barely above a whisper, it was filled with cracks as he snarled back, “You… sold my books?”

It started in my chest - a shake. Quiet, at first. But steadily, it crept up my throat and out my mouth.

A laugh.

The look on his face - the horror of it all - evolved into something comical beyond the wildest depths of my imagination. I could not resist.

“How else are we gonna get to Tahiti?”

Even underneath my chuckles, I could hear it. Or maybe, felt would be a better word. An exhale so indigent and ferocious it came out as more of a growl. It shook his whole body, all the way down to the tips of his fingers still holding my shoulders against the wall.

But it was short-lived.

In an instant, I felt the breath get knocked from my lungs as those strong arms ripped me away from the wall and threw me to the ground. I grunted at the mere speed and agility of it all, but as soon as I was able to recover from the shock, I could feel the quivering sensation again.

Laughter, louder this time.

My whole body trembled from the sensation as I lifted my head. I was on my stomach now with Dutch somewhere behind me. Drawing an arm inwards, I moved to push myself upwards. I felt weak as a whole range of emotions coursed through my body - shock, amusement, terror, achievement...

Raising my head, I could see the curb of the street in front of me. Figuring I could use it as a place to hoist myself up, I began to crawl my way towards it. However, he was quicker. Just as I planted my palm on its brick edge, the sole of his boot dug firmly into my back and pinned my face against it.

The laughter was muffled, but it continued on. My mouth was propped up against the hard surface of the curb as the rest of my body remained in the street.

Dutch said nothing, but the more my laughter continued to escalate, the harder his boot gouged into my spine.

Until, he paused.

Pulling his foot away, the pressure disappeared. I was free from his power.

For a second.

My lungs felt like they collapsed in on themselves, the laughter dying on my lips as my face was crushed into the brick curb with such brute force that my entire vision went blank. I could feel my front teeth snap as the remnants rebounded against the roof of my mouth.

But I was still breathing. I was still awake.

Barely.

I could taste the blood from my gums burning the tip of my tongue as I drew in an unsteady breath. His foot was no longer on my back, but I knew he was still there. He wouldn’t just leave me.

Mustering up all the strength I could, I rolled myself over. Eyes blinking open slowly, it was hard to see at first. The world was a messy blur, hazy and clouded over with spots of black.

And yet, through it all, I could still see him.

Still standing over me, Dutch was staring down at my crumpled body. I tried to blink a few times, but I was seeing double of everything. I could think of nothing to do, except for…

Laugh.

What more could I do? My jaw hung limply open, the cacophonous cackling coming out in pained chokes of breath and labored coughs. I could see the shape of his body as it leaned forward, a hand brushing along my cheek.

I had to say something, I had to…

“D…”

His hand froze. My entire face burned with relentless agony. He had won. It was over.

And yet, I could not give up. Not just yet. I had to get it out.

My final word.

“D… daddy…”

The sensation felt so distant and removed from my body, but I could feel it nonetheless. A rumbling laughter - weakened, but most certainly still discernible - returned to my chest as he snatched his hand away. Standing above me once again, I could hear the click of his gun as he pulled the hammer back.

“You never learn, do you?’

With that, an intense ringing filled my ears. It was deafening at first, but as my vision plunged into nothingness, it slowly faded away.

All that remained was my dead body and the broken grin plastered across my face, forever preserving my final moment of overwhelming pleasure and gratitude.

 ---- FINE ----

Note: I was thinking about this. I honestly have no idea how I would say the “th” in “thanks” without teeth, so I’d probably resort to showing my appreciation through excessive joy instead… and by taking my last moments to sneak you-know-what-word in there. I think I could manage that without teeth.

Hehe. Anyway, this is still WAYYY out of character for me. I just was in a reallyyyyyy weird mood, and I’ve always had too vivid of an imagination. Please, forgive me. I am done now. (If you DID read this far, I am genuinely curious to hear your thoughts on my absolutely horrific garbage, though) 🙃

HAVE A GREAT DAY 💜💜💜💜

[tiesandtea]

An in-depth & really interesting review of Head Music’s various - often forgotten but actually brilliant - b-sides. Originally posted on The Vapour Trail London blog on 20 November 2019.

The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

Full article under the cut.

Coincidentally coinciding with the recent release of Brett Anderson’s second memoir ‘Afternoons with the Blinds Drawn’, Suede have issued the 20 year deluxe edition of their fourth album, ‘Head Music’. Their final number one album to date was issued in May of 1999 to much fanfare, following in the footsteps of their classic ‘Coming up’ in 1996, a record that spawned no less than five top ten singles and saw them achieve astronomical fame across Europe and Asia (indeed, Anderson remains a genuine celebrity in parts of Scandinavia as a direct result). Whilst ‘Head Music’ was a hit, its making has gone down in the annals of history as being even more fraught and littered with personal scandal than even that of their second album, ‘Dog Man Star’, the record that infamously served as original guitarist Bernard Butler’s swan song. The chief reason was Anderson’s spiralling addictions to heroin and crack, which in the eyes of the singer served to influence what he and many others deem the patchiness of the record. Indeed, when Suede first reissued their heyday albums back in 2011, Brett would include within the sleeve notes his own rewritten track listings in each, citing Suede’s fervent devotion to ensuring that their B-sides were up to the same quality as their singles and album tracks, thus costing the associated albums some potential improvements. Songs from the album that often raise debate amongst its makers and listeners include ‘Asbestos’, ‘Elephant Man’, and the almost universally-derided title track, a scrappy, crappy exercise in suggestiveness that even producer Steve Osborne initially refused to have anything to do with.

Perhaps due to all of this, the resultant B-sides of the album’s singles have been lost in time somewhat. Whereas the B-sides associated with the first three albums reached legendary status in such a short space of time that the band issued a compilation double album of nearly all of them in 1997, ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’, their 1999 counterparts are rarely spoken of within the same reverent breath. I would argue that this is vastly remiss to the point of sacrilege as, taken in one listenable chunk, they serve to create what on its own would be an incredible record.

But before we investigate further, it’s worth exploring the genesis of Suede’s musical direction at this point. As Brett and the band have noted many times over the years, Suede sought to follow each album with a record almost diametrically opposed to its predecessor stylistically. The kitchen sink gutter glam of their groundbreaking debut was consciously followed by an ambitious, widescreen and darker ‘Dog Man Star’, the pretension and bluster of which was then followed by a strict album of ‘ten singles’ in ‘Coming Up’. Each time, at least one B-side would serve as a blueprint for what would follow; 1993’s ‘High Rising’ and ‘The Big Time’ served very much of signposts for what would follow in 1994, and then again in 1995, Richard Oakes’ sexy glam pop of ‘Together’ would point the band towards ‘Coming Up’ in 1996. Here, they would seek to expand upon the sonic direction of Mat Osman-penned ‘Europe is Our Playground’, a song they so loved they reworked its arrangement live and subsequently re-recorded for the aforementioned B-Sides compilation of 1997. Caked in icy synths and led by a dub-inspired bass line, it signified something cold and electronic, the desolate melancholy of ‘Dog Man Star’ reimagined by Kraftwerk or Berlin-era Bowie. The band promised this new direction in interviews and the public’s appetite was whetted.

Early in 1998, as part of a Pet Shop Boys-curated tribute to Noel Coward’, the band released one of their prime hidden gems, a suitably synthetic and clinical version of the great writer’s ‘Poor Little Rich Girl’. Unfortunately this was shown to the masses on television via a mimed performance that saw an utterly wasted Anderson grinning inanely with zoned out eyes whilst trying not to fall off a chair. This performance distracted from the impressive song (also featuring the highly talented Raissa, who had supported Suede on their Coming Up tour, on vocals) and seemingly left no impression on anybody.

And so to fast forward to the album. The making of the record has been documented extensively not only in Anderson’s second autobiography but also in David Barnett’s authorised biography ‘Love and Poison’ and Mike Christie’s recent documentary set ‘The Insatiable Ones’. If you’re not familiar with the story, it is a jaw dropping tale of decadence, debauchery and depression, the likes of which have seemingly and thankfully been removed from the culture of music making today. Indeed, there’s not a lot of money around now for bands to blow on endless recording sessions fuelled by endless drug abuse. But what emerged was a flawed but often brilliant record that has stood the test of time well and honestly sounds as fresh as the day it was released. The album’s track list can and will continue to be debated but ultimately, had they shaved off two of the more superfluous numbers (I would argue that the title track serves no purpose as does the turgid closing track ‘Crack in the Union Jack’), it would likely be held in the same high regard as the vast portion of their other records. But we won’t dwell on that here.

First single ‘Electricity’ was accompanied by no fewer than five b-sides, all of which carry some merit. ‘Popstar’, a concise lyrical study of the relationship between fan and band, contains the kind of crystalline synths and dubby bass that the band had sought to highlight with their two musical blueprints prior to the album. Richard Oakes’ guitar parts are sparser than ever before but serve the song well, and the chorus is cold and epic in a way that takes the song from good to great. ‘Killer’, complete with a lyric that seems to expand upon the ficitonlised femme fatale of ‘Coming Up’s ‘She’, is more impressive still; a dark, brooding slice of electro-noir that slinks and stalks in the manner suggested by the song’s lyric. It builds and builds to a desperate crescendo and brings to mind the best of Depeche Mode at their ‘Violator’ zenith. ‘See That Girl’, complete with yearning Anderson vocals lamenting ‘this dog shit world’, is less impressive but still good. A real undersung high point of the time is the Neil Codling-written and sang ‘Waterloo’, an electronic folk classic that sees some beautifully melodic guitar lines almost acting as choruses, and a tenderness rarely reached by the band. The fifth and final b-side (it was on the minidisc – yes, minidisc – version of the single), is ‘Implement Yeah!’, an old co-write with Justine Frischmann where Brett parodies Mark E Smith to amusing effect over a gutter-punk thrash that the band premiered with Justine at the 1997 Reading Festival.

‘She’s in Fashion’ followed in 1999 and quickly became one of the band’s better known songs via endless radio play that perhaps contributed to it being their first single since ‘New Generation’ in 1995 not to reach the top ten. Looking back, I imagine the fact that you could walk into any shop at any time during that Summer and be exposed to it as one reason why fewer people bought it than they might otherwise. The B-sides rank among the band’s very best. ‘Bored’ continues where ‘Implement Yeah’ left off with a Stooges-like guitar thrash adorned by sweet synths and a classically anthem Suede chorus. During an interview at the end of 1999, Mat Osman threatened a harder, rockier direction for the next album which never did come to fruition and it’s possible that this would have been one of its blueprints. ‘Pieces Of My Mind’ is better still, and a rehearsal recording of it sounding very different can be found on the new reissue. Taking its cue from ‘Europe is Our Playground’, it is a dreamlike wander through almost psychedelic electronica and its lilting chorus imprints itself on your mind immediately. ‘Jubilee’, a Codling creation, is one of the best of the era and would probably have made for a better first single than ‘Electricity’, a romantic epic that chugs along like ‘Trash’ and bears a dramatic and addictive chorus that would surely have been incredible live. Perhaps the lyric was somewhat off-putting to the band, a blank retread of other songs including the ‘run with me’ hook of the ubiquitous ‘Europe’. If so, this is a shame as if we are to be honest (and Brett has said so numerous times himself), the entire era was marred by some seriously autopilot lyricism that was charming in places in its framing of the Suede lyrical lexicon of language, and just plain boring in others. The single is rounded off by the gorgeous ‘God’s Gift’, a simplistic piano piece aided and abetted by swirling synths and understated bass that had been written by Brett about Justine many years before. As with a few of Suede’s records (most notably the first album), the spectre and influence of Ms Frischmann lurks around the songs of this era but in perhaps a much more positive way; the two had rekindled their friendship prior to the making of the album and it was Justine’s love of new wave that inspired some of the music.

‘Everything Will Flow’, the great lost ballad of the era in the same way as ‘The Wild Ones’ had been five years prior, saw an interesting bag of B-sides attached that differed in style in a far more pronounced way than the two earlier singles. ‘Leaving’, which Brett sees as the ultimate casualty of this period, is prime Suede in its romantic portrait of a girl departing relationship for a new life, although the underlying sentiment is entirely opposite of that of ‘Another No One’ in 1996. Although still featuring synthesised textures, its abundance of gentle guitar and piano is much more organic and not only serves as an appropriate backing to the not dissimilar ‘Flow’ but also as a subtle nod to where the band would go next. ‘Weight of the World’ is entirely a Neil Codling construction as with the earlier ‘Digging a Hole’ on the ‘Lazy’ single of 1997, however here he is eschews piano in favour of nylon strung guitar. Ruminating on the idea of his own demise, the song finds Neil in introspective form and perhaps shows a window into how he must have been feeling at the time, his health suffering significantly during the making of the record resulting in a chronic bout of ME of which he would never fully recover. It is sad and beautiful and at the time I wondered whether he would one day make a solo record. To date, he never has. ‘Seascape’ is up next, an ambient instrumental piece at odds with the majority of Suede’s output (indeed I believe this is Suede’s sole instrumental within their canon). Pleasing and dreamy in a subtly Eno-esque way, it lures you into a false sense of security for what would follow. The final song of the ensemble is the shocking and brilliant ‘Crackhead’. Noted by Q at the time for its outlandish appeal, it remains one of the most captivating songs in Suede’s history. Built around a staccato electronic motif, it lurches and grinds in a manner the band never achieved before or since, as a hoarse Anderson vocal tears apart his own addiction to the ice with suitable ice. At the time, Brett was in recovery, however this sounds like an isolated howl from the depths of dependence. It roars and builds to a final shrieking chorus of ‘you can’t give it up’ which says all that really needed to be said.

The final single of the era, ‘Can’t Get Enough’, another candidate for what should have previewed the album in place of ‘Electricity’, limped to number 24 in the charts but boasted perhaps the greatest array of B-sides of all the singles. In archetypal Suede fashion, ‘Let Go’ cut an honest precursor to the musical way forward, which would culminate in the predominantly folky ‘A New Morning’. Three-layered harmonies and melodic acoustic strum back one of Richard Oakes’ finest guitar performances, chiming and chugging riffery that would be revisited on later single ‘Obsessions’. Brett’s lyrics convey an all-pervaying positivity minus the bland triteness of the single of the same name, capping off an irrestible euphoria that would be deemed suitable for release as an A-side in their commercial home from home that was Sweden. It’s a shame that they were unable to replicate the feeling of the song across the subsequent ‘A New Morning’ album, however upon reflection the fault may lie in the fact that said album would be over-produced to the point of clean-cut nothingness by the otherwise accomplished Stephen Street. Next song ‘Since You Went Away’ is folkier still and retains much of the same charm, with Brett lamenting the feeling of loss felt in the aftermath of a realtionship break-up. Again, this is truly lovely stuff and acts as a further blueprint for album number five that would never quite be capitalised on. Heading over to CD2, ‘Situations’ is powered by a synthesised Eastern motif and ponders the ‘lonely minds’ and ‘vacant stares’ typical of Anderson’s lyrics of the time. While slightly over long, it would have worked on ‘Head Music’ had it been the more darker record the band initially promised, and even to these ears sounds somewhat influential on final Suede single (at the time), 2003’s ‘Attitude’. The very final B-side of this era is the brilliant and biting ‘Read My Mind’. As with ‘Crackhead’, it reveals a starker, harsher sound complimented by the blank words defining a phase of depression, most likely revealing the way the writer was feeling at the time. The chorus harmonies add to the relentlessness of the piece and once it’s over, you’re honestly left wanting more.

So these B-sides make up the lost record of 1999 whilst also pointing towards Suede’s final record of their first run. The rockier record that Osman hinted at was surely influenced by the likes of ‘Bored’, ‘Crackhead’ and ‘Read My Mind’, whilst the likes of ‘Let Go’, ‘Leaving’ and ‘Since You Went Away’ were very definitely influences on what eventually did surface. The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

[ilkkawhat]

Any tips for first time writers? Specifically any tips and tricks for writing CSI stories and the Nick/Greg ship? Trying to stay in character and make the story interesting like a show episode instead of a boring text procedural is hard.

lmao as someone who is forever insecure about my own writing when it comes to keeping the characters in character, I think something to keep in mind is that you may view a character differently than someone else--and sometimes those views align with others, and most of the time it's better than what's presented in canon, and it can be really difficult to get confident about that, but I think that creating anything, even if it's not just writing--drawing, giffing, photo edits, etc, you do know and love that character enough to bring them to life under your hands and it's something that's just so like, poetic about keeping these characters alive, even if the show offed them or the show is cancelled, in these works (honestly the song "poet" by bastille says this best imo) and you may end up discovering parts of yourself as you explore these characters in depth, you'll learn more about them, too, and the more you write, the more confidence you will gain

but be weary of the validation trap (says someone who falls into it literally every time I post a fic)--do not rely on comments and feedback to let you know you're doing it "right." the fact that you're getting thoughts into words onto paper is good enough, and you are good enough and even if you don't end up sharing it, you still did something special that nobody else has done before, and that, is amazing!

I'm not gonna lie, a huge weakness of mine that I feel I've known ever since I started writing CSI fic is that I really don't do well in making cases for the CSIs to work on--and even when I do, the case is usually forgotten by the end of the fic and I end up just kinda focusing on the emotions between the characters and describing their feelings and actions the best I can and unfortunately the plot sometimes suffers because of that.

I guess it really depends on what you want out of your story--do you want a really intriguing case and basically make an episode of CSI, or do you want to kind of bend out of the procedural drama, and just write something fluffy like Nick/Greg going on a roadtrip or something actiony like them getting into some sort of trouble? (as I often do lmao)

Something that does always help me when I do decide I want an actual like, "plot" to the fic beyond just playing around with the characters and making them do things or experience things is that I'll make myself a very flexible outline--which I will admit, at times, does kinda drain the fun out of the actual writing part but I found that I'll try to write chapters/fics in segments in this way, like I'll have the start of a fic, and then when I feel like I need to break but want to write what I got going next, I'll have something in brackets like: [Self deprecation at home/drinking, evil Nick in the mirror?] (for agony), and sometimes maybe a bigger summary, and sometimes less to just kinda remind myself of what I wanted to accomplish with a fic

BUT know that there are gonna be things that pop up sometimes. twists that come to you halfway through a fic--or if you're lucky, you'll find that your reader friends will kinda give you a twist to add in (my fic Last Breath is the greatest example of this--I originally was gonna do like, 12 chapters but then @dannilea said "HEY MK GIVE NICK AMNESIA" and then the fic got doubled in length lmao) so don't feel confined to any sort of outline. go with the flow, go with what feels right for you.

I know it's a lesson I'm still learning myself, but do not pressure yourself with these sorts of things. there are no deadlines. you're not doing anything wrong. if you don't like something you wrote? don't delete it (i've deleted so many things--fics, my entire blog, old art and gifs I did and it's one of my biggest regrets that I carry with me and god...it just hurts) but don't be afraid to tweak, re-write or rework if you need to--I know ao3 has an option where you can even say something is a "remix" of another work if you write a fic and then somewhere down the line, decide to expand on it or change it up? (I think it's meant for that at least, I haven't done that sort of thing....yet)

and that's another thing--you'll always be learning new things as you keep writing. I've been writing since I was like, twelve years old. Had a long ass depressive gap (though I did still write some things, just not...as intensely as I used to) before I came back to the CSI fandom (which I never felt I contributed to before, when I joined tumblr I posted some caps but that was about it, it really wasn't until 2018 that I started giffing and writing and three years later lmao here we are!) and there are just hard lessons you do learn--like I said, the validation trap and pressure and all of that

but motivation wise, something I've been (trying) to do is write at least 100 words per day. Doesn't have to be a specific fic, doesn't have to be anything I intend to make a fic, but just...getting the words flowing. But again, no pressure, because I recently had another depressive bout and went 33 days without writing and it climaxed to me having another mental breakdown swearing I was never gonna write again and damn near deleting everything and giving up.........only to start writing again the next day (and full disclosure, I did have a friend helping me literally every day with that and if they read this, I hope they know how forever grateful I am that they convinced me to keep going and I would not actually be here without them)

You will need to recharge, you will need to be mindful of outside stresses that may be impacting your creative energies. And sometimes, you can try doing things not relating to writing at all. Make a playlist of songs that make you think about the fic; if you can, draw or make photo edits of the fic. find a friend to bounce ideas off of--so many of my fics were enriched by that, I can't even begin to list them all lol.

But above all, again, just know that what you're writing is unique to you, nobody else will be able to write the way you do, and that is just...so special. writing can be difficult, it's exhausting, it's a thankless job at times but when those words start clicking together and your fingers just keep typing/writing, you'll just kinda get this like, rush like nothing I've ever been able to match.

and lmao I know you said specifically CSI and Nick/Greg and feel like I got sidetracked--but the great thing about CSI is I feel like you'll have excuses to put them in situations given their line of work, but like I said before, you can bend out of the genre a little bit. Have Nick and Greg go on a vacation, or make an AU (even something as wild as a sci-fi AU--honestly Specimen Stokes is the most fun I've had in writing the past three years) or if you do want to stick to canon, and don't want to make a whole new case or elaborate on the details--play with an established episode. If there was a Nick focused episode, what was Greg doing and vice versa? Did they talk about things afterwards, or did something happen leading up to the episode that made them act a certain way around each other?

I'll honestly find inspiration also just watching the episodes--something I've been doing in these past few months of my rewatch is making little ficlets about the episode, like I wrote one about Nick and Greg post 6x02 elaborating on the breathplay that Greg hinted about earlier in the episode, or I made a revenge fic for 14x12 where that douchey abusive husband went after Nick, etc. So sometimes it helps to dive back into canon and play in that sandbox too

I hope these tips can help get you started and honestly, don't feel obligated to agree or do any of these things I listed above. We all have different ways of going about writing, and it is just one big learning process and something I don't think I'm ever gonna perfect or master in any sort of way--(not to say I think I'm the worst writer in the world but I just...try to humble myself and not believe I'm the best or better than anybody else cause that's part of the validation trap, you get those ideas in your head and then it can destroy you when you realize you're definitely not)--and there will be times you get heavily discouraged, but...you just gotta keep going. keep pushing. find outside encouragement, but don't rely on it. practice a lot of self care and don't pressure yourself to finish or share or write more than you think you can. just...let it come, and enjoy the ride

I honestly feel like I'm one of the least qualified to say all of these things, but I really do hope it helps and hey, you already got one cheerleader, me, who will be excited to read whatever you share!

[http-eiji]

PART 3 - OOOOPPPSS i just realized from your earlier bf post that you dont want to talk about the ending anymore!! Im so sorry you dont have to respond about it! I just wrote the whole paragraph befause how much i resonate with the bf ending piece you wrote because i was googling to see if anybody feels the same way as i do. There was too much of romanticizion of it on my twitter timeline and even tumblr ugh. Again sorry about that!

Hey, I literally thought I had wiped it off the internet but apparently not. I have complicated feelings towards the ending, I wrote that piece when I was 16 and it was like end of 2018- very early 2019 and I was in a very different place. I put far too much emotional baggage into this blog at the time which is why I ended up stepping away from here and trying to get rid of the piece in the first place. I have not reread or rewatched banana fish ever so my last time seeing it was 2018. I feel a bit unqualified to talk about it now as so many people in the fandom have seen it more recently. 

I came back to this blog when bf was blowing up on tiktok but I didn’t really see any new discussions and a lot of the asks I was getting were very surface level and repetitive (no offence to any one who sent an ask they weren’t silly or anything. It’s just a bit annoying to answer something I’d already answered). 

I’m glad you enjoyed it, many people seemed to have agreed with me but I haven’t reread the essay since I proof read it so I can’t really comment. I’m okay to talk about the ending. I’ve said before I really don’t mind if I get questions that are only vaguely to do with banana fish, like “what’s your opinion on tragedies?” but bf is a story I have so much tied to that I don’t think I’ll be able to revisit to do in-depth analysis into the story for a while. 

I want to rewrite the ending essay again but not yet...