#The autistic community has been saying that forever

[queeraliensposts]

Cis people who respond to transphobia with other forms of bigotry are the epitome of performative allyship. Like caring about trans people means caring about

Trans POC

Trans women

Neurodivergent trans people

Working class trans people

Fat trans people

Diabled trans people

Trans immigrants

Trans gay people

Jewish trans people

Muslim trans people

Latine trans people

You either care about all of us or none of us

[drchucktingle]

What flavor of queer are you, if that's not too invasive of a question?

question is just fine with chuck it is kind of interesting story.

on LGBTQIA trot i am TECHNICALLY two letters

easy first one is B that does not need any more explanation. that has always been my trot

second way is what i have learned through talkin with my online buds way of non-dysphoric trans. it has taken chuck LONG time to understand this but it has been fruitful journey i think. long ago chuck would post online about becoming other people or things or concepts or wrestling with my IDENTITY as a buckaroo (whether that meant becoming sweet barbara or becoming my reverse twin or becoming the entire seahawks footballs team, very handsome). in fitting with my entire heckin LIFE some buds probably thought these were jokes when they were not at all. they were just personal artistic bubbles tumbling up and popping in ways i didnt understand yet.

but through posting these thoughts and THEN writing trans tinglers and talking to my trans buds online, i started to realize there are all kinds of versions of a trans identity INCLUDING the ones that rolled around deep inside of me that i never had a name for.

three events helped chuck understand this

first: the trans buds chuck talked to while researching harriet porber said 'well i always knew if i could press a button and change my body to match my gender i would instantly do this' and chuck thought 'of course woudlnt we all do this?' and they said 'well no, do you feel this way?' and i would say 'yes very strongly'. i will FOREVER be grateful to trans community for these conversations and maybe it is another reason why being anti-gatekeeping is so important to chuck.

second: thought about all the games i have ever played like a dang videogame or a role playing game, chuck would ALWAYS choose ladybuck character. didnt really think this was a unique thing at time but it is a pattern across whole life

third: chuck was trotting around with some buds and they all said 'whose bod would you choose if you could transform into any body?' (this is common topic for chuck believe it or not.) and the buckaroo guys went around naming the usual brats pitt or handsome channing and it got to chuck and i said 'obviously brie larson' and then the dang guys just kind of stared at chuck and then i realized 'oh, i didnt even think my answer was unusual but i guess they were only talkin guy bods'

these three things happened pretty close to one another but they were all bubbling up for decades and expressed in various ways even chuck did not entirely understand

anyway. chucks way is NOT that i feel uncomfortable in my body and it does not bring me grief. i am not upset about it honestly. i do not even THINK about it most days. however, it is all TRUE and in a purely technical and utilitarian sense of A PLUS B then YES, male would not be my preferred gender.

didnt talk on this for a while because there are MANY dysphoric trans buckaroos who go through a lot of hardships and i have gone through ABSOLUTELY NONE IN THIS WAY. it has not made my life more difficult and it does not haunt me, so i do not want to have my voice drown out other trans buds who need space to shout. i am very privileged so even though technically this applies to chuck i do not need or want any bonus points.

that beings said, part of my journey on the autistic spectrum was to recognize that EVEN THOUGH my personal story is not tragic, it is still an important one to get out there onto this timeline. IN FACT there should be more stories of buckaroos who love being autistic like chuck. i am PROUD of my trot and i love my autism (this is also why i wanted to explicitly say my lead character in camp damascus is autistic)

so in the same way, when directly asked, i will say: i am technically non-dysphoric trans ALSO this has not weighed on my life at all. my story is not tragic it is full of joy and excitement. i will not shy away from this because there are all kinds of buckaroos on this spectrum.

anyway that is my VERY LONG TROT hope you enjoyed getting to know chuck a little more thank you for this question buckaroo

[kneptoon]

This might get some peeps mad but like. Is it really worth the effort figuring out the niche subtypes and cocktails of disorders you have? Is it really worth the struggle to find the right collection of clinical labels to fit yourself into? is it really worth the effort to know if some specific symptoms of yours are indicative of autism or adhd or ptsd or ocd or anxiety or whatever? Or is it just that you are a nuanced, neurodiverse person existing under capitalism, a system which has inherently traumatized and disabled you?

It’s great if you’ve found pride or community in your diagnosis, but always remember: diagnosis was not made for that.

It was never made for community or identity labels. It was made to categorize, to treat, to suppress, to segregate, to control, and to MAKE MONEY. Psychiatry is and forever has been an industry that exists under capitalism and colonialism, and is deeply rooted in eugenics, racism, queerphobia, and misogyny.

NEVER FORGET THAT. REMEMBER THAT ALWAYS.

The next time you start chatting about incredibly technical clinical terms and pop-psychology words, REMEMBER the autistic children who were abused, gaslighted, and programmed using those same words.

The next time you take the findings of a clinical research paper as gospel, REMEMBER the women and the black/indigenous people of color who were wrongfully incarcerated because of that research.

The next time you feel thankful for your psych meds, REMEMBER the survivors of psych prisons who have been permanently disabled from being overmedicated against their will, and the pharmaceutical companies who profited off of their suffering.

Capitalism WANTS to disable you. It WANTS you to be mentally ill, to think there’s something wrong with yourself. So that it can force productivity out of you, and make money off of you.

Like, I totally understand the researching and collecting of all the little mental illnesses itches that little autistic part of our brains. But in the long run, all it does is perpetuate the over-pathologizing of mental health. It does nothing for Mad liberation or abolishing the MH industrial complex.

I’m not saying to never use words ever, or to never seek treatment. Because clearly, the MH industry helps many. BUT IT ALSO HARMS MANY. IT KILLS MANY AND IT ERASES MANY.

NEVER FORGET THAT.

REMEMBER IT.

REMEMBER IT ALWAYS.

[autistichalsin]

Okok, so I've been thinking a lot about your post about Halsin always being in love with the player character in good runs and it reminded me of something: Halsin's platonic end in the epilogue proves your point a thousand times over.

So for a little context my tav and Halsin were very flirty with each other throughout the game, but she rejected him in Act 3, as her romance with Gale took first priority for her. (Idk if picking the flirty dialogue options effected his epilogue dialogue, but I dont think it does) So I ended the game with my tav being happily married to Gale and being close friends with Halsin... but it was so obvious that he was still in love with her!

When you platonically hug any of the other characters in the epilogue they'll be like "Oof! Thanks friend! Its good to see you!" But Halsin hits you with the longing gazes and sweet nothings like "Your embrace makes me feel safer than any armor could" and "if only we could stay like that forever"

And his little infodumping about ducks as he gives you the whittled duck he made... I know a neurodivergent expression of love when I see one.

Like... maybe I just have Halsin brainrot, but THAT, to me, looks like an expression of heartaching longing.

YEAH the epilogue definitely gives STRONG evidence for this- not only because of what you pointed out with the hugs, but then the fact that the dialogue for "player in a poly relationship with Halsin who didn't go to the commune" and "platonic friend" are the same (minus a poly romanced player being able to ask for a kiss), which is why it comes across as so flirty and full of longing- it was written to be applicable to both, but with the result that now, he comes across as still in love with a non-romanced player! And the post-hug lines are the same for everyone, solo romanced, poly romanced, or friendly, hence him having such romantic things to say. And they're tight hugs, since you can say "oof, that's quite a squeeze you've put on me, Halsin!" which gets you a sheepish apology.

And you're SO RIGHT about the duck! That is a "I express affection through my special interests so here have my favorite thing, a duck" if there ever was one. He really just goes "aw fuck it" and stops masking at the epilogue- not getting that "you can say that again" wasn't literal? Being weirded out by the phrase "I'm all ears"? His lil awkward dance that shows he has ZERO rhythm at all?

OH, and, one other thing that is both autistic Halsin AND "I love the player" coded- when he sees you, he says, "you made it! Now the revelry can truly begin!" Showing that he blatantly favors you over everyone else, AND not quite being sensitive enough to realize that maybe that could be worded a little better.

So. Yeah. Halsin is always in love with you unless you raid the grove, and he is autistic AF. And that expression is FULL of longing, it's not just you.

[good-soupmens]

Apply this to Aziraphale how you will, but as an autistic person, I REALLY fell for Metatron's kind old man act. I didn't notice the subtle manipulation, like giving Aziraphale coffee and saying "I've ingested things in my time" to show that he's different from the food-hating, earth-hating angels. I didn't notice him taking on Aziraphale's speech mannerisms before turning away and scowling. It was only after reading meta and rewatching twice that I was like WOAH I didn't even see that.

I can see that heaven's system is screwed up, but I literally thought "Metatron's not like the other angels." I trusted his kindness, especially given that he wanted Aziraphale to run heaven, obviously the best angel for the job. I didn't consider that he wanted to appoint him because he knows Aziraphale is powerful and has stopped heaven and hell before.

I was right along with Aziraphale when all of this went down, agreeing with him when he didn't want the job ("where would I get my coffee?") and then seeing the appeal when Metatron said he could run heaven from earth WITH Crowley. They get to keep living the life they carved out for each other AND Aziraphale can fix the corruption in heaven? I love seeing kind-hearted characters fixing broken things, and I wanted him to fix the system.

As for Crowley becoming an angel again, I didn't really think of it as changing him. He's just Crowley, and he'd keep being Crowley. He's good already. I saw it as heaven offering to right their wrong because he never deserved to fall in the first place, and they wouldn't let someone they believed is evil back in, right? I trusted their judgment of Aziraphale and Crowley. I didn't consider that of COURSE Crowley wouldn't want to go back there. Why would he??

So when Aziraphale finally told him about the offer, I was hoping he would agree. It's important, they could change things! Metatron is claiming to give Aziraphale the reins. Crowley and Aziraphale for once are allowed to be together, and Aziraphale was so ready to not hold back in their relationship. There'd be no reason to deny it or go slow, it's obvious that their love is mutual.

It wasn't a surprise that Crowley said no, and deep down, Aziraphale knew why, but he didn't understand. Crowley and Aziraphale weren't seeing how the other saw it (that Aziraphale WANTS to be together. He wants to make heaven a better place, but Crowley believes it'll never happen, and heaven means to manipulate him). They truly would be the perfect team if they were in charge.

But the problem: that's not what Metatron or heaven intends. "Give me coffee or give me death" meant that if Aziraphale didn't accept the offer, he would've been destroyed. Metatron knew he'd accept, and based on the glare he gave Crowley, I don't think Crowley was ever really in his plan. Metatron will try to use Aziraphale and his power to end the world, and he has no idea he's a pawn. He fell for Metatron's apparent kindness and got swept away with the idea that he and Crowley wouldn't have to hide.

It's heartbreaking because I AM frustrated with Aziraphale, but I know why he chose heaven. There's trauma underlying his actions as well, and he didn't need MAGIC coffee (sorry, I'm mean about coffee theory) to fall hook, line, and sinker for what Metatron was selling. He loves Crowley so much, but if his plans to change heaven worked, he'd be saving the entire world from destruction.

People are still like "NO NO NO, how could he leave Crowley? He must've been hypnotized" when he is putting the WORLD first. That's not to say he won't regret it immediately, miss Crowley the entire time, or even change his mind, but it all happened so fast, and Crowley seemingly gave out on him. He refused, said "good luck", and started to leave. They didn't communicate with each other. I don't think Aziraphale was leaving him forever, but he thought "I HAVE to do this". Crowley is right, but Aziraphale can't see it another way.

Now he has to try his best to change heaven. In the end, he'll see the mistake he made and owe an apology to Crowley, but he has to figure it out on his own. After it's all said and done, it could be the last time they hold back from each other. Going through an angst arc of THIS magnitude would be worth it, and Neil Gaiman is a genius

[maliciousindungeon]

how does autism affect me? how do i experience life as an autistic person? well, you see, the fallout fandom wiki has a big problem with taking the fallout bible as gospel rather than simply referencing the text of the games.

for example, in fallout 2 there is a character named knight jacob who is only spoken of and never an in game npc. the guy who founded broken hills with marcus and who jacobstown is named after.

the fallout fandom wiki and the fallout bible insist that after establishing broken hills, Jacob leaves to travel on his own; this is not true.

specifically in the dialog of fallout 2 marcus says "while jacob was alive" while referring to him. there is no in game evidence that says jacob ever left broken hills, but there IS evidence that says he died there. the first paragraph in the section of dialog below is where i think chris avellone got confused and the last paragraph clears up the confusion.

i believe chris misinterpreted the "most just run away" part as jacob running, rather then a general statement about how most people dont have courage or commitment like jacob or the vault dweller did.

this misinterpretion of in game text has been bothering me since the second i noticed it. chris avellone, fallout 2 level designer, why did you do this to me? i realize its a minor detail, but its just not true. here is the only piece of dialog from marcus in new vegas referencing jacob:

this once again talks about his death rather than a departure. he didnt leave, he was with marcus until he died. chris avellone does NOT understand a warriors bond.

sidebar real quick: i think its gay as hell for two men to wrestle for TWO DAYS straight and then build a community together. maybe chris avellone is homophobic and thats why he lied in his little lore book about jacob leaving forever.

this is how my autism affects me.

[spilledquinoa]

I've just realized how long it's been since I've done one of these (sorry bout that) but @rottenpumpkin13 has inspired me to do another one!

Sephiroth

"simply, communism."

"sometimes you just have to put sanity before fun"

"and I will say 'boo' and send you an email saying 'boo'" (also works for Angeal)

"watch out. he's blue and predictable"

"did you just say 'I'm vaginal'??"

"chicken<6"

"did you say 'prison' and look at me?"

"I'm so mentally unstable it's hilarious"

Genesis

"my mom has limbs you nipple spork"

"get in loser, we're going to the mortitician this Saturday"

"when Gwen Stefani dies, I call dibs on Hollaback Girl royalties"

"what's the point of a voodoo doll if you don't test it?"

"who cares about you graduating when the POLAR BEARS are getting HEART ATTACKS"

"roses are red, I might be autistic, I'm actually super gay but that's not a secret"

"so that's that. I didn't swear. like a whore."

"it's toxic but in a frisky way"

"you little piss-ants"

"what rhymes with alcoholic"

Angeal

"who is it? who's meowin'?"

"Genesis is subpar at best but he's not lame!"

"why aren't we vaccinating the chickens?"

"turkey, turkey, sociopathic turkey..."

"'I drive all night to keep her warm' (referring to Story of My Life by One Direction) man, you don't have to drive to keep someone warm? get a blanket! cheaper than gas!"

"I respect, acknowledge, and admire the grindset"

"capital mark"

Zack

"bananas are freakin weird man"

"he said he has a stommy ache"

"tomato, tomahto, ketchup, potato"

"ham means death??"

"pizza that has lost all heat and pizza that has been put in the fridge are two VERY different kinds of cold pizza"

"I feel like a dish pickle"

"while you've been running the Eiffel Tower, I've been secretly stuffing bees into pants"

"I had a dream someone was cussing me out in sign language"

"when it's 0° I wear pants"

"if you need the bathroom, go now or forever hold your pee"

*whispering* "are they stealing monkey nipple milk??"

"if it's slow, it's bisquik"

Cloud

"well that was OPPRESSIVELY offensive"

"she's Amish, not racist"

"it's educated gambling"

"no I do want scurvy, just to say that I've had it"

"ZACK SAID FREEDOM AWAITS AND I HEARD FREE THE HOMELESS"

"if you step on a crack and break your mom's back, what about orphans?"

"at your temple dipshit"

"you can't just 'dick around' at a SENATE HEARING."

*about Genesis* "wow! I never knew someone could that well versed in being a bitch!"

"I will never cease to disappoint"

Group!

Cloud: is it snowing or hailing?

Zack: snailing

Cloud: aren't you gay??

Genesis: yeah sometimes I forget

Angeal: protons have mass

Zack: I didn't know they were Catholic!

*chatter, before room goes suddenly silent*

Angeal: ...and that's how I first kissed Genesis on the mouth!

Cloud: that's a real how I met your mother vibe

Zack: I'm being killed!

Genesis: no you're being kidnapped fuckwad, there's a difference

Angeal, about Cloud: you're selling yourself out to the army?

Genesis: like a prostitute??

Sephiroth: you're offending prostitutes

Genesis: at least they get something out of it

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Many years ago I watched a documentary about interabled couples (meaning that one partner is disabled, the other one isn't).

They interviewed multiple couples and asked how they met, what their friends and family think of the relationship, things like that. I don't remember most of it (I can't even tell you if it was an actual movie-length documentary or just a short piece in the local news) but there was one story that always stuck with me:

An autistic man had a crush on a woman he regularly saw at his doctor's office. So he decided to write her a letter. He wrote down a detailed description (if I recall correctly it was multiple pages long) of how their relationship could look like: date ideas that would be safe and enjoyable for him, situations in which he may require her support or help, possible communication struggles they may face and ideas on how to deal with them etc. The next time he saw her at the doctor's office, he handed her the letter. She read it, smiled and said "This says you can't go dancing with me because loud music overwhelms you. But I really love dancing. Could we dance at home if you are in control of the music volume?". He said "Yes" and she said "Okay, then let's do that"... and they have been a happy couple ever since.

I love that story. Honestly, I wish someone would come up to me and hand me a letter like that!

There are so many unspoken rules in the dating world that (neurotypical) people oftentimes just expect you to know and understand - especially the whole "be mysterious, play hard to get, don't scare people off by being too honest" stuff can be really confusing! His letter feels like an antidote to that. He clearly communicated his individual set of "rules" (boundaries, needs, wants). It may be my autism speaking, but this sounds like the ideal way to start a relationship for me: they were both on the same page from the get-go rather than having to guess what the other one wants.

As someone who has been rejected for being too honest and talking about boundaries too early, it feels comforting to me to know that someone did exactly that and was so successful with it.

I mentioned this old story to a friend a few days ago - and they didn't think it was cute. In fact, they were shocked and disgusted by it. That sounds incredibly toxic, they said. You can't just hand your partner a set of rules at the beginning of the relationship and demand they stick to them forever. Those things need to be an ongoing conversation that both partners get to contribute to. Love isn't a business contract that one person writes and the other just signs off on. Treating it like one is a red flag. And quite frankly, they'd feel super creeped out if a quasi-stranger wrote multiple pages about a relationship they didn't even agree to yet!

And you know what? I absolutely believe that my friend is right - and I also believe that I am right. It could be cute and it could be a red flag.

This goes for all kinds of relationships but it's especially important for those of us who have unique or less common "rules"/needs (which could be because you are neurodivergent, disabled or chronically ill but also be lgbt+-related, e.g because you are ace or aro): Doing things differently is not by default toxic - and not by default wholesome, either.

That letter could be a great starting point for healthy ongoing communication in a relationship... and it could also be toxic if it is used as a binding contract that doesn't allow any further conversation.

Apart from a few obvious exceptions, we can't really make a definite list of things that are always good or always toxic when it comes to dating/relationships - we need to think of things in context. And that goes for the "standard route" as well as for more unique approaches.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

(P.S: For the record, I'm sure that the couple in the documentary does have ongoing, healthy communication!)

[thalassomania]

what is “what happens next” about if you don’t mind me asking? :)

i've been sitting on this ask for a while now because WHERE! DO I! BEGIN!!!!

ok. so. what happens next is a currently ongoing webcomic by max graves, beginning late in 2021. it is a story told in multiple chapters about multiple characters, but one could argue that its protagonist is milo holliday. milo is a trans man, pastel blogger, toy customizer... and accomplice to a murder.

one of the first panels of the comic is a screenshot of the dni page on milo's tumblr, which got me IMMEDIATELY interested in the comic because it's such a unique way of storytelling:

[image description available for the above]

and we get a lot more pages like this that are screenshots of websites, social media profiles, and the like. the comic is a mixture of in-person interactions, online communication, and occasional flashbacks, all of which are important pieces of the story.

so when they were teenagers, milo's best friend griffin petty killed two people, and milo helped mutilate one of the bodies. while griffin was sent to prison, milo spent years in a psychiatric institution that stunted his emotional growth and forever altered his view of the world. a drawing he makes while institutionalized provides a window into milo's perceptions of the event:

[image description available for the above]

the whole comic is an uncomfortably accurate reflection of mid-2010s tumblr culture, right down to the sanrio traumacore and crytyping. milo's suffering is multifaceted: in reference to the people harassing him online, he says "it doesn't feel like they hate me for what i did... it feels like they hate me for the way i am," referring to his being an autistic trans man. and given that many of his detractors seem to come from sites like kiwifarms (notorious for its transphobia and ableism), he isn't entirely wrong! but at the same time, his relentless depictions of himself as the victim erase his contributions to haylie's death and the ways he's made himself and others' problems worse.

not every part of the comic is about milo, though! i'm only scratching the surface of it here: all of those pages and links are for the first part, titled "dog names." in the second part, "someone else," we're introduced to gage ludemann, a gore blogger and true crime fan who has entered a long-distance relationship with griffin, and once again, screenshots are used to masterful effect:

[image description available for the above]

but screenshots and characters' drawings are one thing, and max's art is another. starting in the third part, "no matter what," panels are shown in full color, and his color choices are great. what i really love, though, is the amount of detail max puts into character design and facial expressions. i could show you so many different panels that i think show off max's art, but i'll try to narrow it down to one:

[image description available for the above]

soooo yeah!! i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about this webcomic and i keep trying to get close friends to read it, haha. i've read a lot of webcomics and i can say with certainty that there is NOTHING out there quite like what happens next. it's a story about true crime fanaticism, psychological trauma, social media presences, existing as a transgender person, and so much more. the comic is currently on its fifth part, "you'll all be sorry," which seems to be about the characters vikki escamilla and xandra blumberg. if you decide to check it out please feel free to tell me all about it! i'm not connected to the comic at all, but i really love it and i think everything about it is just fascinating.

and max graves, if you're somehow reading this... hiiiiii i'm a huge fan!!! love your work!!! i hope i've represented it at least somewhat accurately here!

@kukai

[nikki-tine]

So it's come to my attention that despite the page I have set up within the desktop version of my blog, I don't have a mobile version of an introduction post here. Oops! This one's newly written, too, in a different format than the other.

So, that being said - Hello!

I am Nikki/Niko (Whichever you prefer!) and I am a 27-year old Genderfluid artist person (My birthday is on January 9th!). I don't think there's too much to be said here, but I can and will say with confidence that this blog has been, especially in the last few or so years built up to be a catch-all for whatever I deem good to reblog or post (All of which typically related to fluff stuff, feel-good vibes or something that I may feel strongly about).

This place is, and always will be a safe space for a) People with disabilities (I am autistic, have ADD and Bipolar as well as Anxiety) and b) LGBTQ+-identifying people (I am, as mentioned before Genderfluid, and I'm Pansexual Panromantic!).

If a reblog or post makes you uncomfortable, then I will happily delete it if asked.

I make it a point to keep these posts SFW especially nowadays - however, I can't quite vouch for possibly the oldest of my posts (as I've been here since the early 2010s along with some ol' dumb teen thoughts involved and it'd take forever to sort absolutely everything out from over a decade ago at this point). I'm pretty sure that I've removed most of the NSFW stuff already from those years ago, but if I missed something then I don't mind deleting it as long as you let me know first (I'm incredibly disorganized and would appreciate a nudge in the right direction).

With these details out of the way - I am an artist that dabbles in various fandoms with no real sense of rhyme or reason outside of either hyperfixated interest or otherwise with the intent to update old ideas and refresh them into new ones. Like most artists on the internet, I ask that you do not repost without credit, trace and/or copy my work. I'm quite literally living paycheck by paycheck with my family right now. You CAN however use my artwork as a reference or as inspiration for your own work - If you do, lemme know! I'd love to see the result!

Here's a vague list of fandoms I dabble in (though my post history doesn't quite show that as I tend to leave most of my stuff to posting on Discord instead):

Pokemon (I've been a part of this one almost my entire life lol)

Sonic the Hedgehog (Another fandom I've been in for a grand majority of my life! I'm more of a casual fan as I haven't made much art recently, but I still absolutely love looking at what others come up with for OCs and stuff.)

Undertale (ESPECIALLY AU-centric)

Digimon (Passionate about this one specifically - I have a project I've been working with under this fandom since 2014 on and off)

Cookie Run (Kingdom primarily with a minor Ovenbreak focus for AU concept ideas)

Dark Cloud/Dark Chronicle (This one's SO obscure, but if you know these games then I give you a virtual baked good of your liking! These two games hold a very special place in my heart.)

Dance Dance Revolution, NotITG, Friday Night Funkin (I'm a rhythm game nerd and love the creativity of the communities surrounding these three - I just haven't been able to piece together anything for it yet visually except for FNF stuff on and off)

A Dance of Fire and Ice (Same as the DDR fandom part, but I've made a couple fanart pieces before so this one I may have an easier time of conceptualizing later)

FNAF (Specifically Security Breach AU work! This one's not as frequent as others but I still have stuff in mind for it. Security Breach is how I finally caved with the FNAF series as a whole after watching how the fandom grew over the years.)

Warriors (Warrior Cats, in our year 2024? Eeyup. I just like the funny spiritual witties!)

Team Fortress 2 (This one's in and out but it's one that I come back to a lot as my boyfriend, regularly interacting and involved in the GMOD animation community reminds me of my own TF2 stuff with his presence alone lol. Love you James! &lt;3)

Persona 3, 4 and 5 (This one's a lil self-explanatory but I have AU ideas surrounding these games that I want to make more art for eventually)

If I have anything else not listed before, I'll add it to the list. C: Please keep in mind that although I dabble in these fandoms, AU versions of existing characters may be changed in terms of sexuality, personality etc to reflect the AU they are from (For example, I have a version of Cream Unicorn Cookie that uses he/they pronouns, and my Redeemed!Pomegranate Cookie from the same AU leans bisexual over lesbian for reasons relating to reflection of character and overall character development. I like to make characters more flexible while self-indulging, so keep this in mind). I note this because my own headcanons about certain characters have set off one or two people in the past unintentionally and they VERY much have pushed things in an effort to keep canon down my throat out of retaliation. Let's just say that this part in particular is a thing that taps a sore spot for me for personal reasons. :/

When it concerns making art of my characters - surprise or not, feel free to make art of them and mention me in post (and/or message me, either way works)! It makes me feel SO loved when I get art from others, and I appreciate every piece dearly. 💜💜💜 (I go so far as to hold onto an archive of art that was done for me - with artist names in-tact within the file name nowadays!)

A few things to consider when it concerns tickling-related matters with me:

I am a Switch! I'm unsure how far Ler or Lee I am just yet, but I do enjoy tickling both ways. Unfortunately, however, I'm the kind of person that practically flies across a room when poked,, (if it comes down to tickling my sona - Niko Spirata - tie or hold 'em down if you want to wreck 'em with tickles lol)

My interest in tickling alone is purely SFW - It feels too weird looking at IRL photos/videos with very rare exception (a lot of the exception is the giggle the lee produces from ticklish contact). As a result, all the stuff I'll be reblogging and posting here is art or animation-related instead!

My favorite tickle trope is the one where a shrunken someone or a small something wiggles under the unwitting lee's clothing to tickle them! (Points at wormonastriing's Squirmles as an example of this trope :3) No, seriously. If I end up with art of any of my characters getting destroyed with tickles in this manner I will ASCEND BEYOND GALAXIES.

My favorite spots with tickling overall are belly, side and rib tickling - on rarer occasions, I enjoy tickling in other places (I prefer foot tickling if the lee has paws instead of normal feet!). This lines up with a particular enjoyment of characters being slightly chubby! I looove a good squeeze of the sides or belly, enough to get the lee blurting out giggles.

I have only a few tags I use now on a regular, but these are:

#nikki-tine (This is my user tag and I put it in with my art posts and other things I post sometimes. You may also see others' posts under this tag, primarily with stuff related to asks or when art's been posted for me in the past &lt;3)

#art, #tickle art, #tickling art (These are self-explanatory!)

#NJEGNJ (Something to that effect, lol. It's not exact but keyboard smash tag is typically wrote similarly or around the same for several posts, all of which ones that got me chuckling or giggling like a dork!)

~

My Commission Status is currently set to OPEN (paypal prioritized for now).

It's really complicated, however, and I don't have any other methods than Paypal and Robux right now so if you have questions about that then feel free to message me and I'll try to clear it up as best I can!

I only have two prices, both fully colored and shaded.

Chibies are $25 USD (+ 5 for an extra character)

My normal art style is $50 USD (+ 10 for an extra character)

I do best leaving the BG transparent, but if I HAVE to work on one then I can do nature-themed backgrounds pretty okay. It’s not a strong-suit of mine, however…

My Art Trade Status is Busted Wide Open™ to Mutuals, but I'm a little picky and choosy with random people.

If I decline an Art Trade, please don't take it personally!

In terms of Roleplay, It's Closed on-blog, BUT I'm Open to Roleplay in Discord servers (Provided there's a Tupperbot there for me to use).

I've been looking to find an RP server that has mutuals/friends and allows Undertale-related stuff (especially of the tickling-related kind!), so if you're a part of one please let me know!

DM Status overall is Open (As long as you are kind to me, I will return kindness back!).

My Asks are ALWAYS OPEN! I really like getting stuff in my inbox (and I unfortunately don't get asks often at all).

I'm most comfortable interacting with other adults and SFW blogs (this is more-so for safety than anything else on my end. I don't have the emotional or mental energy to handle potential drama involving context-disconnected words). I don't mind interacting with NSFW blogs here but only if in the context of specific interests of mine and not much else.

I don't really have much in the way of who can't interact with me as long as you are respectful/mindful of chat etiquette and are aware of the kind of impact you may make in messaging people like myself.

I do my best to look at blog descriptions and respect DNI's - If I end up poking at something I shouldn't by accident, as long as it's not met with aggression in DMs, I will happily fix whatever problem you may have related to that. I HATE making others uncomfortable/upset!

If you have questions, feel free to ask! I don't really use other forms of Social Media, but I do use some websites with a social aspect to them casually.

Links:

Flightrising (Funny dragon site)

Chicken Smoothie (This one's a fun lil adopt site from the late 2000s)

GPX Plus (This is literally Pokefarm Q before Pokefarm Q lol)

Gaia Online (Another old site with unfortunate currency inflation, but it's the site that's kept me going with character designing and such over the years! The blog part here is old, but the avatar is updated from time to time. This site is the reason I lean on Monochrome + a color as an aesthetic a lot lol)

Bluesky (mostly inactive - want activity there? nudge me here!)

DeviantArt (It's VERY rare I post here now. Also a warning for those under 18 - there's suggestive and nsfw art in my favorites dotted here and there so look with caution. my gallery itself is SFW however and all the works that would have been nsfw are archived.)

Artfight (Self-explanatory!)

[atw2006]

Dean Winchester autistic theory

I went through DSM with Dean, because of course I did.

Reasons why I think Dean is autistic based on DSM:

I. Social Communication

A. Social reciprocity

1.abnormal social approach

*Dean struggles to get information from others without Sam's help

*he is sucessful at picking up woman, but seams to use a series of scripts and well practiced pick up lines to do so

*does not have friends in early seasons

2. no back in forth conversation

*Dean does not seam to notice when he's lost people in conversations (which he often does with excessive media references)

*when they give him undeniable signs he's confused them he ends to go with something dismissive "whatever" and moves on

3. reduced sharing interests emotions or affect

*he tends not to remember things people say that don't interest him

*mocks his brother and cas for interests that he doesn't share

B. deficits in non verbal communication

1. poorly integrated verbal and non-verbal communication

*excessive media references

*often practices facial expressions, sometimes in the mirror

2.  abnormal eye contact and body language/gestures

*Dean can certainly make eye contact, but he does tend to do better with emotional conversations when he is not making eye contact (often while driving or while sitting on the car, but also when Charlie is in changing room in (Larp and the Real Girl)

*seams uncomfortable with hugs (particularly with Garth). Hugging his brother makes his brother worry about him

3. lack of facial expressions/nonverbal communication

*Dean does have a lot of expressions, but he tends to go a bit blank faced when dealing with big emotions and/or lies

C. Deficits in developing maintaining and understanding relationships

*Dean notably struggles to have long term romantic relationships. He has one relationship that lasts a bit more than a year (Lisa) and his next longest romantic relationship is a few weeks

*Dean does not have many long term friendships, much of this is because of the death of the people that he would be friends with, but this is not often the case. Dean's life is marked by loneliness, and he seams to only be able to maintain friendships with either family members or when they revolve around the job (hunting).

 Dean defines family in a static way. I.e. living with his brother, thinking his brother going to college was abandoning. confused as to why his mother didn't want to stay with her adult sons forever

*He also seams not to have a mental category to put "friends" into. He often uses family language with friends

1. difficulty adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

*shoving food in his mouth while dressed as a priest at a funeral

*telling Cassie that he loved her after only knowing her for a couple of weeks

*in many ways Dean is better at adjusting to social situations than the average person. When he's in an apocalypse world he relishes the tastes of lizards. Being a PA (Hollywood Boulevard), prison (Flosem Prison Blues) When he's in suburbia he plays that role too. He seams to delight putting on different roles. None of these roles tend to last too long. Sometimes his main role of playboy slacker slips in the same way his minor rolls do

2. difficulties in sharing imaginative play

*He engages in LARP with Charlie and the other LARPers however, when he breaks from it he appears to think that it was ridiculous

*he attempts imaginative play with Lucas's army men

*we never see him engage in imaginative play as a child, the few times that he was not responsible he tended to play video games or movies

3. difficulty making friends

4. absence of interest in peers

*Dean scolds Sam for maintaining contact with his college friends, but this might have been about jealousy

II. Restricted repetitive patterns in behavior, interests, or activities

A. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movement

1. simple motor stereotypes

*Dean stimming when he sees the tree in (Last Holiday)

*auditory stim when Sam tells him that he has a lot of work left to do (Usual Suspects)

*often putting pen in his mouth

*often touches things in the background of scenes

*often drums on the steering wheel or sings along to songs

(some of this might be Jensen's ADHD, and not Dean's autism)

2. lining up toys or lining objects

*does not take toys etc. out of car when rebuilding it from scratch

*organized rooms and bags

3.  echolalia

*he often quotes TV and movies

*he often mutters things to himself

*"Son of a Bitch" seams to be a phrase that calms him

*"Bitch" "Jerk" is grounding to him, and he seems to be distressed the times that Sam does not finish the sequence

*hums Metallica when he is on a plane, and he's stressed

4. idiosyncratic phrases

*all of the media references/ quotes

*lore quotes (having memorized his dad's notebook almost)

B. instances of sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior

1. extreme distress at small changes

*Dean's reaction to not getting pie

*Dean's reaction to any change with his car

*listens to the same music all the time, introducing new music (Taylor Swift) seams to challenge his identify "I listen to the same five records over and over" Yellow Fever

2. difficulties with transitions

*struggles when life changes occur

3. rigid thinking patterns.

*Dean maintains his black and white thinking (monsters bad, humans good) in the face of evidence to the contrary

*Dean's options about his father take years after his dad's death to change

4. greeting rituals

5. need to take the same route

6. eat the same food

*burgers and pie

C. highly restricted fixed interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

1. strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects

*Baby

*his pretty little pearl handled gun

*grenade launcher

2. excessively circumscribed or perseverance interests

*Dean's special interests include but are not limited to:

*Dr. Sexy (Changing Chanel)

*cowboys (Tombstone)

*wrestling

*Hell Hazers (Mint Condition)

D. hyper or hyproreactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment

1. apparent indifference to pain/temperature

*the boy thinks sleep is optional

*he actually appears to have less of a pain tolerance that other hunters (several times he is mocked for other hunters for making noises as bullets are removed), we never see him give himself stitches like Sam and Charlie do

*he does sleep in jeans, which is ignoring discomfort I certainly couldn't

2. adverse response to specific sounds or textures

*his reaction to getting into a suit the first time

*likes to wear the same clothes all the time

*he enjoys good water pressure and soft robes

3. excessive smelling or touching of objects

*he tends to touch a lot of things in the background of scenes

4. visual fascination with lights or movement

*liking his music, and liking it loud

E.Informal evidence

1. Friends with people much older or younger them him

*Dean bonding with kids

*Dean befriending Mildred (Into the Mystic)

2. struggles with table manners

*he shoves food into his mouth

*talks with his mouth full

3. schooling

*Dean is very intelligent (built his own EMF meter, can remember a lot of obscure lore, read Vonnegut)

*he did not graduate high school, although he was still in school what would have been September of his senior year assuming he didn't repeat any grades (After school special). This could have been from moving frequently, but there seams to be other hints that Dean struggled in school

4. Good at Poker  and hustling pool

*is it counting cards? is it faking facial expressions due to masking? is it reading microaggressions?

5. Him being a germaphobe

*hates witches because them "spewing bodily fluids" is unsanitary (Malleus Maleficarum)

*several times he dramatically wiped his hands

6. Times that Dean went non-verbal

*after his mom died (Dead in the Water)

*after Cas confessed to him (Despair)

[pixies-and-poets]

Thinking about these tags and like, I haven't really ever been that explicit about depicting/writing Woodrow as autistic, but. I have more to say. Man is literally so cryptic that Jeanie, a literal computer, has to filter through his unique way of communicating and interpret what the hell he's talking about for the others to understand. But- via doing this, of all the people she met on their adventure, it seems that Woodrow affected Jeanie the most (well, except for Sullivan lol). His poetry may not have been popular among his fellow Rabbids but it was so strong to her, that it literally helped teach an AI how to feel. How to appreciate art. Autistic people are sometimes called robotic, but it was a robot who understood him, who appreciated him, whose existence he affected and changed forever. Because she came to him without, say, Beep-0's preconceptions and assumptions and snootiness. She made the effort to listen to him and accept him as he was, and learn from him as she was trying to learn from everyone.

And as someone who feels like art and writing is the only way I can successfully communicate in any meaningful way.... gosh this game makes me so emotional y'all (but you already knew that)

[Side note, I don't talk enough about how much I love and appreciate Jeanie]

[cayde6feetunder]

i mentioned it in some tags fucking forever ago and I posted about it on twitter but might as well post it here too

"I can't be ableist, I'm [x]" has done so much damage to mentally ill and disabled spaces and or threatens to do so. and unchecked internalized ableism and unchecked ableism as a whole.

i am someone with unsavoury symptoms and conditions. There's no beating the bush about this one. My symptoms are considered ugly and there have been times where I've met people who have been all like, "Support people with unsavory symptoms" but when I actually started hanging out with them they ended up being more ableist than anyone I've ever met.

I have memory issues. On some days I forget things quite literally as they happen to me. There's no guarantee I'd remember what you've said to me. It doesn't mean I don't care, I literally sometimes forget what I was doing three minutes ago. no, I'm not making an excuse, I literally forgot that you were bothered by, say, bugs and it was not intentional. Now I will most likely remember but please don't be bothered if moving forward I ask you to clarify what you're bothered by.

I have issues with my emotions. I struggle to articulate what I'm thinking and feeling. PLEASE ask me to elaborate on things before jumping at me and accusing me of twisting things around or whatever, or inviting conflict, or a thousand other "UM ACTUALLY--"s. And please, PLEASE don't assume things, ASK ME THINGS. Let me speak.

I have issues with anxiety. I often distance myself from 90% of discord servers and even my own friends (even if they don't notice it) because I am deeply terrified that they secretly don't like me or they're seconds from snapping, or they find me annoying, or about a thousand fucking other things that there are times where I feel deeply, deeply ill. It's not that I don't like you; it's that I'm actively struggling with myself and putting forth a lot of effort to make things work on my end.

I have PTSD. That PTSD on top of the anxiety manifests in my fear of old terrible cycles repeating even if they're out of my control. This makes pretty much everything else mentioned way worse. Everything is a CONSTANT WAR within myself. I'm a perfectionist and I feel like even if it's not my fault I convince myself that I did something wrong and I rationalize things that way. There's also the bipolar and the BPD.

I am medicated and learning how to manage these things. But we need to accept that these symptoms are ugly, that while I'm doing my part, I and others like me still deserve grace and tenderness and we do NOT need our own community and/or communities who claim to have the exact same issues treating us like shit, spitting on us, or being in general hypocritical towards us in claiming that they support us but then do everything that seems to state the obvious.

it really is your own people sometimes. and it shouldn't have to be.

and whenever i try and say things like this I have people telling me I'm "DODGING RESPONSIBILITY," no I'm not, you cannot assume such things of me when you're only seeing me talking about a very real issue that I and many others face.

Stop reblogging and posting about how much you love and support "unsavoury" symptoms and conditions but then turn around and treat those very same people like absolute shit.

And don't get me started on how autistics like to treat other autistics just because their autism happens to be different.

I'm sorta fuzzy so it's super hard to really articulate or parse together what I'm trying to say properly but I hope what I'm trying to say comes across. Ableism within disabled and mentally ill communities fucking suck. Learn to actually care about and support people with symptoms and conditions you can't romanticize.

[toushindai]

Seeing your thoughts on Rauru, I am now curious: how do you approach Ganondorf as a character? How does that compare or contrast with how you think about Rauru?

Thank you for the ask and all your thoughtful comments!! I've really appreciated them.

Approaching Ganondorf has been a different, more conscious process from how I approached Rauru; when I sat down to start brainstorming "A Sense of Entitlement" there was very much a moment where I had to ask myself "well, what am I trying to communicate about Ganondorf here?" I felt like, because I was putting all this mental work into complicating Rauru, I owed it to Ganondorf to complicate him as well, but I don't think the game presents quite as many juicy contradictions in Ganondorf's character. The game doesn't really seem interested in a well-rounded Ganondorf, a Ganondorf who has a point in resisting Hyrule's formation. Which sucks! Thank god we've all invented fanfiction and can do whatever we want forever.

It took me a little while to pin down the exact shape of him, but what I did decide on very early was that he is just deeply unhappy, the way a bottomless pit is unhappy. Nothing can fill him up besides being in control and exerting that control cruelly. Trace that backwards a bit--back further than he is willing to trace it, because there could be weakness at its source--and there is a paranoia, an inability to trust: only force and domination can be trusted to be real, anything else will be toppled when a strong enough force comes along. Any ally who does not fall 100% in line must be brought into line or self-evidently cannot be trusted. And then peel that feeling back a little more and I see alienation and a hideous, howling loneliness. A how-do-you-survive-this loneliness. And that's the feeling I place at his core--though it's well and truly obliterated from his conscious awareness.

I like writing about alienation? Not realizing that you're queer and autistic until you're in your twenties will do that to you, eh. The alienation from his people that I see in Ganondorf I do honestly read as a bit of a queer one, specifically, given that he is the only person in his culture who is going to exist in his gender category for the entire length of his lifespan. I think that has to feel pretty weird! I think it has to feel alienating, even if the form the alienation takes is that of putting him on a pedestal as king (but also, I have to assume--I will take the liberty of assuming--still being suspicious of other voe in a way that would be obviously visible to Ganondorf). In the fic I have him speaking of the Eighth Heroine, and while when I originally wanted that to be something he learned from Twinrova to inspire him to take pride in himself and the people he would one day lead, I uh. I had to nix that idea because the story of the Eighth Heroine doesn't accomplish that. It is not a story that would make a male Gerudo feel welcome among his people OR reassure him of his people's power! (It is frankly a bad story.) So instead it's something he found when he was--as a much younger man--searching for any evidence that a voe might have a place integrated into Gerudo society. The answer he found was "lmao not even if you save our entire ass 😌." He does not like this story. But to acknowledge how rejected it made him feel would be to look at something he believes is weakness, so instead he focuses on his disgust that even the Seven Heroines needed the strength of an outsider to conquer their enemy.

He has no place in his culture but he has an inescapably prescriptive place in his culture. He was raised knowing that he would be king, that everything he desired would be given to him because he is male. It is impossible to say textually what Twinrova wanted for him because they are. easter eggs. and so I just had to make it up: and what I decided was that they wanted him to be a conqueror, to lead the Gerudo and take over the rest of the land (solidified at some point during his lifespan into the kingdom of Hyrule). They wanted him to rule the Gerudo and the Gerudo to rule the world; but when Ganondorf lost his faith in his kinswomen he also lost interest in being an arm of the Gerudo and instead just wanted power for power's sake. I said this in a comment response but if the game is not going to give me a Ganondorf who is resisting Hyrule for the sake of his people--if it is going to give me a Ganondorf who, upon ascension to the form of the Demon King, seemingly abandons his Gerudo soldiers (Gerudo soldiers who were on board with his attacks on Hyrule! COME BACK THAT WAS INTERESTING) to go joyriding with a bunch of monsters and a rather cool horse instead--then I am going to make that a part of the tragedy of his character. It is a tragedy that he is so disconnected from his people. It is an enormous gaping hole inside him, this lack of connection with anyone.

But to acknowledge that, to feel it, would be to feel weak, and he cannot ever allow that. So he converts it all into cruelty and hatred and misery. He looks at people who have allied with each other and judges them weak for loving peace, for joining together instead of tearing each other apart. (In the Japanese, I am told, he explicitly hates the Zonai for accelerating this process.) He looks at any subordinate--or frankly at any other Gerudo--who does not fall in line with his agenda of unflinching conquest and scorns them for disloyalty and softheartedness. He hates whatever he sees and that hatred would be all-consuming if he were not so strong, so deliberately in control of himself. NOT to toot my own horn but I'm damn proud of this sentence:

Each movement is almost a meditation on his rage, fostering a measured alliance with the disgust and hatred he feels.

I think that is how he experiences just about every waking second. He has cut off all his access to happiness that does not come from dominating and taking away the power and happiness of others, and he has walked so far down this path--each step taking him further away from holistic contentment, each step taking him closer to the ability to dominate all he sees--that he could never turn back now.

Urbosa could've fixed him. imo. when he was much younger. (I'm saying this like a joke but I mean it.)

WAit I forgot to get into how he contrasts with Rauru. The thing between them is that both of them want power, want to have power over others; but Rauru hides this from himself because he thinks the desire for power is evil and he wants to think himself good, whereas Ganondorf... I think is probably comfortable thinking of himself as evil, or at least as what others term evil. And his comfort with his desire for power allows him to wield it much more effectively than Rauru does. We've got a bit of a hard power/soft power contrast going on. Ganondorf believes in power and physical force but Rauru's power lies in diplomacy and civility. In the trappings of social niceties. Ganondorf subjects himself to this framework by swearing his false fealty to Hyrule and finds it more ensnaring than he enjoys (he enjoys it zero), but once he has the opportunity to actually act in his own element by seizing Sonia's secret stone, the social niceties are powerless against his brute force.

[melancholicmarionette]

Thoughts I’ve been trying to put into words part a thousand—

I think I have the sentiment “I don’t get why people get all serious about gender” but I never know how to say that without sounding dismissive as fuck to people who really need to not be dismissed. But I mean like—okay—

So I’m autistic. This is not news. I don’t know if it’s totally related, but it means I’m used to not really understanding things about the world on a fundamental level, mostly greater concepts that people accept as fact. I’m bad at math and most hard sciences because I am told that pi is a number that never ends and it keeps going forever and that these are how many elements make up everything in the universe and maybe there are more or maybe there aren’t. Like, my brain simply cannot conceptualize these things. I know that these are important things to know, I just have 0 clue how it is possible for a person to know them. But there are people that know better than me. So someone goes “also, there are imaginary numbers” and I’m just like “…okay.” That’s just not somewhere my brain goes.

So when I say I don’t get why people get so weird about the social construct of gender I mean—well by people I mean TERFs, really—life can be filled with so much less anguish and turmoil if you just accept that you are not going to understand something and that doesn’t make you stupid or wrong. Sometimes accepting that things that are not tangible or visible are still valid makes your brain stop hurting.

I’m a woman. If you ask me how I know that intrinsically my go to response is I Don’t Know, I Just Do™️ and if someone, cis or trans or nb or anything else, said that to me I cannot imagine any other reaction than “well, okay.”

Gender is a social construct. We made it, collectively, and it’s changed a lot in the entire time we’ve accepted it. It’s still changing now. So there are a lot of things we can’t see.

Fact that I can’t dispute: penises and vaginas are different from each other. They are fundamentally not the same thing. There are a lot of ways people’s genitalia can look, being intersex is possible. Physically, visibly, there are different body types whose reproductive organs work in different ways. It makes perfect sense to me for that to be true.

Where it gets fucky for me: your random assignment of chromosomes gives you a role in society at birth that you cannot fundamentally change ever in your life. And if you ask why this is, people will just say “god said so” or something and idk maybe your god did, sure, but I don’t know him. He ain’t the boss of me. And then TERFs and the like will go “because nature said so” or “because biology said so” and I’m immediately like no!! No they didn’t, Joanne, you said that!! Biology and nature said one of these types of bodies carries babies and the other helps make the baby, that’s it!!

I don’t cite my vagina when writing about why I’m a woman. It has nothing to say. I don’t know why pi never ends and I don’t know how the fuck we know enough of what a water looks like that we can make little models, but I live in my brain and I know how I feel. I am never going to know another person better than they know themselves and it’s fucked up when people claim otherwise.

So I don’t feel like I can participate in discourse in a meaningful way because I’ll say “this trans woman is a woman” and some chucklefuck with a blue check will say “but they were born with a penis” and my response is so what. Genuinely, so fucking what.

One of JK Rowling’s first transphobic posts was saying that the trans community are trying to deny that sex is real and it’s such an intellectually dishonest take I was taken aback. I don’t think you’ll find anyone outright denying that sex organs that fall within the binary standard are in fact physically different from each other. The hang up is that that assigns you an identity that you didn’t necessarily consent to because you were a fetus at the time. So my automatic response to arguments of that nature, that gender itself is assigned this way and that way and no other way, are unironically “who do you think you are?”

I can’t engage in intelligent discourse with the way I feel because on paper it seems childish. My response to transphobes is oh my god just shut up. And it’s not necessarily because reading the cruel and untrue things they can fit into like 280 characters is draining (because it is) it’s because I just don’t believe any of their points have value. And it infuriates me that these people so consumed with hatred for people they don’t know are affecting legislation and the safety of trans people. And I can’t engage because I don’t believe these people can change and that bleeds through. They are nothing. And if any TERFs (or GC, I think you’re using to sanitize it) have read this far, they think the same about me. Probably that I’m a simpleton who hates women and lives in a bog eating swamp sludge for sustenance and i take offense because I do not hate women please get out of my swamp.

Idk, I’m rambling on tumblr late at night bc I can’t drop this into a conversation. I’m tired. Trans right are human rights gender is a social construct and I may be a mud creature shambling through the bog

[sentimental-androids]

Nonverbal.

This is the word that professionals, parents, and MANY neurodivergent people use for themselves when they find themselves unable to talk, or, yk, verbalize stuff.

If you look up nonverbal, like the definition, on Google, just about every entry will say something along the lines of "unable to verbalize or use speech to communicate".

Nowhere does it explicitly say that you have to be unable to speak...forever.

So uh...what's the deal, tumblr?

Like. Listen. I am autistic. I'm professionally diagnosed with ASD. I also have direct family members who have ASD. And literally for as long as I've known about autism, and specifically nonverbal as a term, it's been used to describe anybody who lacks the ability to verbally communicate. For any amount of time.

Recently, someone, idk who, came to me on tumblr, and all but told me that to call myself nonverbal was ableist. They said that nonverbal as a term is used explicitly for people who aren't EVER able to talk.

They told me to use the phrase "speech loss" instead.

Initially I was off put by this. Speech loss. I mean I guess that is technically a way of phrasing it, and I don't really want to be ableist, so... sure. Why not.

But the more I thought about it, the more absurd it started to seem. Speech loss?? Speech loss?????

It's such a mouthful. Doesn't roll off the tongue like at all. I have speech issues even when I CAN verbalize and even just this little thing makes trying to talk about my issues frustrating enough that I don't want to do it.

And for what?

It's the same thing. It's literally the same thing. Both are periods in which an individual is physically or mentally unable to communicate verbally or in any spoken form. (Surprise, I don't get to choose when or for how long I experience "speech loss".) It is still a LACK of verbal communication. By definition....

It's still nonverbal.

I also recently was able to talk to someone else about this issue! And it hit me how chronically online this cold take is. Like, I'm sorry, but no professionals are calling it "speech loss". That's an internet (specifically tumblr) born issue. People in real life, in the real world that actually matters, aren't calling it "speech loss".

I also heard from that individual that some people are pushing to call it "nonspeaking episodes"...which is even worse/more clunky than speech loss. Why would you suggest that. People with ASD commonly struggle with speech. This is just an added frustration.

And like not only does that tell me that people aren't considering how it actually sounds irl (probably bc nobody irl is using either), it also shows that...it isn't even like. A widespread or known thing. Bc its a new issue that some jokers made up for some reason!! Like it's not even coordinated enough for there to just be one overcomplicated word for it.

So this is my little psa.

Stop saying it's ableist. It's not. Stop saying it's inaccurate. It's not.

If you or a loved one has been told that it is, it's not. You need not consider that fact any longer. It was honest to goodness probably someone looking to stir up drama.

We don't need any more division in the community, especially over something that...literally is a non-issue. Nonverbal people are all valid nonverbals. Leave em be.