#about emotional and physical intimacy and character relationship and vulnerability and relying on one another

[foundfamilywhump]

being aromantic and into whump is like. shoutout to whump for being a great opportunity to engage with stories about intimacy and vulnerability and powerful emotion and physical interactions with other people and intense relationships that are not presumptively based in romance. what would i do without you.

[imnotyetfound]

My take on Five/Lila - and why they were endgame

I’ve seen so many people say that Five and Lila didn’t make any sense, and I just disagree. I've tried to really motivate why, and also why I see them as endgame. Feel free to agree or disagree.

First of all, Five and Lila share a common background of being raised plus trained as survivors and weapons. Five was molded by his time in the apocalypse, the Commission and his ruthless upbringing within the Hargreeves family, while Lila was similarly trained and manipulated by the Handler. Both of them were forced into brutal, high-stakes environments from a young age, developing a sense of independence, ruthlessness, and survival instincts that the rest of the family can’t fully relate to. We see this especially in Five and Lila’s difficulties in showing emotional vulnerability and trusting others. This shared experience means they both understand the cost of their traumatic upbringings and can relate to each other’s emotional scars in ways others just won’t be able to. So already by this, they’re somewhat bonded from the start.

In other similarities both Five and Lila possess extraordinary intelligence and tactical thinking. They challenge each other in a way no one else does. This has been an ongoing thing between them, bouncing off each other and sometimes teaming up. It’s also what drew them to work on another mission together in S4, there has always been some kind of pull/push there. Personality-wise both Five and Lila have a dark sense of humor and a cynical outlook on the world. But despite the cynicism, they still manage to eventually relax and find humor in each other’s company. The lighter moments we’ve seen between them at times have been an interesting contrast to their otherwise serious and violent lifestyles. 

I do believe their shared backgrounds and personalities created a bond that was then further strengthened during the years they spent lost in the subway together. Isolated from the rest of the world, they literally only had each other for company. The intimacy and trust that grew between them was inevitable. When you have no one else to rely on, you’re going to develop a relationship stronger than under normal circumstances. So over those years, they must have grown close in ways that no one else could fully understand. Even though we didn't get to see every detail of how it unfolded (because the season was way too short), it’s not difficult to imagine.

I’d also say they naturally grew a bond stronger than with any other character at that time, except for the one between mother and child which is why Lila’s need to be with her children would always make her go home if given the chance. Five knew this and it’s the reason he kept the solution from her for months. 

Now, to my thoughts about their actions in regards to Diego as this is often brought up. The argument that Lila cheated on her husband with Five is understandable from a moral perspective, if we see it as just that without any context. But when you consider the circumstances it is way more nuanced. You have to look at not only the environment they found themselves in, but also the emotional and psychological journey they went through together. Their relationship was ultimately forged over a shared background and then several years of isolation. Then you add to the fact that Diego seems to have treated Lila like crap in the years leading up to the isolation, she said it herself he was always moping around and complaining while she sacrificed her life to stay at home and take care of the kids. She even told him she needed a break to reassess their relationship. I do believe her and Five had somewhat already begun an emotional affair before the isolation, the way they were sneaking off together and clearly wanted to keep their thing separate from Diego and the others. Yet they still didn’t get physical until they settled down, believing they weren’t gonna find a way back.

Also, it’s important to here consider the strength of the bond, as I mentioned earlier, that Five and Lila must have developed over those years. They knew each other better than anyone else by the end. Spending every day together in a survival situation with nothing else around would likely create an unparalleled level of intimacy and emotional closeness. This bond would probably transcend Lila’s previous relationship with Diego, and maybe even Five’s bond with his siblings. It’s been years since he returned to them and they had all grown in separate directions. Lila and Five however had recently experienced something life-changing together, and it is unfair to dismiss the strength of their connection as something unethical or out of character when their reality had shifted so drastically from when the show started.

Another important point here is how the relationship with Lila allowed Five to finally be "human" and emotionally open in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to be before. Five was obviously emotionally detached as a result of both his past trauma and the burden of being a hyper-intelligent man in the body of a boy. With Lila, he had the chance to just feel love and trust without worrying about anything else. So I do think this outweighs his “betrayal” against his brother as people claim.

Now on to how and why Five and Lila were endgame. I’m convinced that Lila did love Five despite her choice to leave their isolation. To me this was cemented as she didn’t deny her feelings when Diego asked her straight out. If she wanted to make Diego feel better she could have easily denied her feelings for Five to reassure him. Yet even when asked twice she couldn’t do it. There was also Lila’s look of relief when Five returned to them at the end. It was Five who Lila allowed to comfort her after she said goodbye to her family, trusting him in her most vulnerable moment instead of blipping back to Diego and the others. These events showed the deep trust and emotional intimacy that still existed between them after returning to “the real world”. Despite her saying it was over. I also want to add here that Lila took Five’s hand as they were dying, the look between them was for me at least silently saying they loved each other. 

So all in all I do believe that the connection and love between Five and Lila was authentic. It also made sense. They’re able to understand each other’s emotional complexities, including their darker tendencies, without needing to change who they are. Still their time together seemed to actually have softened them both when they finally had the chance to settle down, almost as if they were healing from past trauma together. This would forge a relationship that no one else could replicate without going through the same experience. Making Five and Lila a reasonable endgame, which they also were in my eyes considering they died holding hands.

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Summary:  Five and Lila's shared background of trauma, matched intelligence, and similar personalities means they make sense. They shared a bond that was only further strengthened during their years of isolation. For 7 years they only had each other to rely on. This inevitably created an intimacy and relationship that couldn’t be compared to what they had had with anyone else. Outweighing what they did to Diego when you consider all context. Lila and Five ended up being human and vulnerable with each other on a level they hadn’t been with anyone else. Ultimately Lila’s refusal to deny her feelings for Five, her relief when he returned, him comforting her as she sent her family away and then finally them dying hand-in-hand, showed that they were endgame.

[cannibalmetaphor]

the significance of hannibal and will’s sitting positions in hannibal

hannibal is a show that relies heavily on symbolism. it’s used to express what the character’s don’t - particularly hannibal and will, who tend to speak in riddles about their emotions. if you look closely, you can see how that the way they sit with each other is intentional!

let me show you what I mean

opposite one another

the way that hannibal and will’s relationship begins is through therapy. therefore it’s no surprise that one of their main motifs is their chairs being opposite each other (remember hannibal’s line about the chairs holding all of their conversations).

several things to note about this sitting position

• they are facing each other, so there is some level of intimacy. they look into each other’s faces

• yet this is at a comfortable distance. while their friendship develops through sitting opposite each other and having conversations, this is a professional position and it allows some emotional distance

• they are positioned equally

when will imagines speaking to hannibal in season 3 about his past, he imagines them in this position.

because will feels most comfortable talking to hannibal in this position. especially after the bloody aftermath of mizumono, this position provides will with a calm and familiar space to talk to hannibal in

the last time we see hannibal and will sitting facing each other is before hannibal surrenders. this is the symbolic “end” of the polite distance between them. no longer can they sit and have conversations - indeed in the second part of season 3 speak through a prison cell. yes they are facing each other, but they are always standing up. that level of familiarity is gone.

one up and one down

if being opposite each other represents equality, then having one sitting down and one standing up represents a lack of equality.

for most of the series, hannibal is predominantly the one standing. he leans over will when he is vulnerable, physically crowding his space.

in mizumono, hannibal strips will of power completely. both physically by hurting him, and emotionally by killing abigail. he is on the floor while hannibal stands above him, a malevolent god

in season 3, after chiyoh shoots will, will is on the chair sitting and hannibal isn’t. however, unlike in the previously mentioned scenes, hannibal crouches down to his level.

this is because although hannibal wants to be in control, he is also wounded. the power dynamic has started to shift, though ultimately hannibal is still in control

until the final episode, where will turns this motif on its head. he stands over a wounded hannibal and gloats.

the power dynamic has been completely subverted. hannibal is now vulnerable to will- meanwhile, will has regained control and has the freedom to choose what happens next

beside each other

the last position is beside each other. it’s only in the second half of season 2 that we start to see hannibal and will next to, rather than opposite, each other.

what is important about this position is that it is intimate. they are physically close. in emotionally vulnerable moments, we see them like this, particularly in dolce.

I also think sitting next to someone is more intimate because you can speak without looking at them - you might be more inclined to be truthful. when you do choose to look at someone beside you, you are closer to them so the moment is more intimate. you can see every detail on their face

their true peace and happiness is obviously symbolised by the two of them sitting beside each other in their shared memory palace

now what I want to add about this position is that we see them from behind. look at the screenshots - it’s like we’re looking in on a private moment. they are shutting out the rest of the world.

I hope this made sense!

[bropunzeling]

7, 15, 21

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

the pov basically always comes with the concept to me? like, once i start thinking through a concept and get into the details of the plot and emotional arc it basically is like, well, this is a leon pov, or this is a jamie pov. part of that is certain povs are easier for me to write from (brady tkachuk what is the interior of your brain like inquiring minds want to know) but part of it just comes with the concept - the narratively interesting pov is always pretty clear to me from the get-go, and once i know it's impossible to do it from the other side.

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

ok so this is like, a multi-step process lmao:

first, outlining/figuring out the goal of the scene. this happens before any actual writing; when i outline i always know where i'm going to have a full-blown sex scene, and a rough sense of what it needs to do for the plot. imo sex scenes should always have a purpose -- the purpose can be sexy! but should not be shoehorned in because it's expected or whatever.

next: we are about to write the sex scene. this is when i look at my outline and really nail down what the scene needs to do: what happened before? what will happen next? where are we - arena? hotel? somewhere else? this is often when i figure out roughly which sex acts are going to happen. if it's at an arena or somewhere else where time/privacy is limited, probably blow jobs or hand jobs. if at a hotel or someone's house, can take more time/do more involved things. setting also helps me determine the level of intimacy of the relationship - new location means new dimension to the relationship, a step up in vulnerability

then, set-up. i love building up to a sex scene. did they play a game beforehand; is one of them pissed off about that? are they having a conversation. were they with a group or alone together. how will we get to the physical location. are they touching? where? will they kiss before they get there? i honestly spend a ton of time on this part because i think it might matter more than the sex? without the sense of tension there's no sense of narrative release

then: the sex! this is the part where the outline comes back in. how did they feel about each other going in? how will they feel coming out? what physical acts or sensations or words could act as a turning point? i rely a lot on physicality, noise, texture to indicate feelings. i pick phrases because they sound hot and then come back to worry about the logistics during editing lol. what is the non-pov character thinking? this is so important because often i'm writing two characters approaching sex from opposite places, so i need it to be clear to me (and the reader) who is feeling what, and what aspects might be noticed by my pov character vs not. then i put on heat waves and listen to it 30 times in a row and hope for the best

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

yes!!!! i haven't ever published a collab before but i think it would be really fun and a neat challenge

[enigmaticexplorer]

Hey Alli! Have you recieved any of these 💞 🛒 ✅️ ?!

(Also I love your answer from the previous game and I've got a reply drafted up about my fav chapters!)

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

Hi Maia, I have not received any of these so thank you :) (and I’m so excited to hear your answer!)

💞: (I’m leaving Star Wars for this one.) My comfort character is Chaol Westfall from the Throne of Glass series.

When I was reading this series for the first time, I was at a point in my life when I was questioning and deconstructing things I had been taught since I was a kid. So it was both inspiring and validating to read about a character who was experiencing the same type of journey. Especially since his journey wasn’t linear nor easy.

The healing journey Chaol went through—from self-righteous judgment to self-hatred to finally loving himself and accepting love—was something I needed to see another person undergo (even if they were just fictional). Chaol’s journey explored messy emotions and things I was dealing with alone that made me feel exhausted and confused and frustrated. Ever since, I’ve found comfort in knowing that I can change and grow too.

🛒: Oof, this required some thinking.

Mountains are definitely recurring throughout most of my stories. I live in the mountains and I find such comfort and life in them, so they’re usually present somewhere.

A recurring theme I rely on is the hardship of romantic love. All of the relationships I write are messy—from haters to lovers, to emotional vulnerability, to mistrust. I prefer to write stories that have “depth” to love, meaning it’s not easy to love and to accept love. It requires true vulnerability. It requires risk. It requires friendship.

Another recurring theme is trust/friendship to physical intimacy. In all of my fics, the FMC and MMC have to form some type of emotional bond before they explore physical intimacy. In A New Tomorrow, they had to learn to trust one another, and they first became friends (and that was a long time in the making haha). Even in Moth to Flame, they had an emotional bond, albeit fucked up, but it was there and it was the only reason the FMC progressed to physical intimacy. I probably overdo this theme (since it was also in I trust him, and he trusts me, and is also a major player in my WIP) but I don’t really care. Because it’s important to me. And it will always define the relationships I write.

✅: Maybe it’s because I’m answering this early in the morning, but I can’t differentiate this question and the one above 😅 But I would say 79s. It’s made an appearance in my three biggest fics haha.

Thanks again for the questions :)

[agent-cupcake]

you ever thought abt writing about if Dimitri's feral side didn't go away? or maybe one where the only way he stops being feral around others is if he, ahem, takes his frustrations out on Y/N

I might have talked about this before but I can't remember for the life of me so, sorry if I'm being repetitive.

I don't have any plans in particular for writing this but I like thinking about Dimitri never fully recovering and just becoming somewhat more functional and all of the many disastrous ways it could change the way he has relationships.

~Like, if Dimitri realizes that the best way to get revenge on Edelgard is to engage in the war strategically. Not because he sees the error of his ways, just the error of his methods.

~This would be a Dimitri who becomes aware that his delusions aren't real, who realizes he can't go on as he is, but isn't able to reconcile with his issues or the dead. His campaign is no longer about those he has lost but those impulses, that madness that drove him to such extremes in the name of the dead, remains. He's sane enough to fight against that side of himself, just not very successfully.

~To that end, he takes the feral, primal rage and misery that compelled him for so long and refocuses it.

~Dimitri's Crest is tied to the Major Arcana Justice and that becomes his driving motivation.

~His army retakes Fhirdiad, the first step in canon!Dimitri's recovery, but instead of remaining calm and using it as a moment of character growth, he brutally tears Cornelia apart on sight. The men come to admit to their treason and he orders their deaths. There is not any cruelty he will spare those who are opposite what he sees as just, this Savior King Dimitri.

~And, yes, Dimitri takes on the mantle of King, he vows to fight for his people rather than the dead, but it's more so because he needs some way to alleviate the pressure of his aggressive urges, because that is the burden of madness he feels he must now pursue. But that's the way of war, isn't it? That is what's necessary.

~Whatever pain it causes, whatever cost it asks of him, he willingly accepts as retribution. This is not a man who is asking for forgiveness or is attempting to better himself, he still views himself in the incredibly negative way he does through the first few chapters of the timeskip, he just deals with it differently.

~When he kills Edelgard and finally gets the revenge he was pursuing, Dimitri realizes that it does nothing for him. His mania, his rage, his insanity still haunts him.

~And, okay, even though he's horribly unapproachable and snaps at people, spends an uncomfortable amount of time training (brutalizing the poor training dummies), and is held together by duct tape and a prayer, Dimitri is somebody who so horribly desperately wants love and validation.

~You give it to him because of course you do, you fool.

~But, at even the faintest whiff of this affection, he taints it with his unresolved mess of emotions after realizing that revenge couldn't fix him and ends up hyper fixating on you as an object to fill the vacuum left by his fixation on Edelgard because he is a messy man with messy feelings.

~So he's not "feral" exactly, but he never actually recovered or figured out a way to deal with his emotions in a healthy way. This is exacerbated by his lack of a support system. I don't doubt that his friends would support him given that he's a competent ruler and I think it would still be in their best interest to help him but his constantly shifting moods and single-mindedness towards some not-so-savory endeavors would make him quite uncomfortable even without being feral. Felix would probably give up his title and run away similar to his non-AM endings.

~So, basically, Dimitri clings to you even tighter because at least you're not going to leave him.... Right?

~I suppose this entire (far too complicated) scenario is just laid out to highlight issues I already see him having.

~Dimitri would have a white-knuckle grip on you because of his terror of losing someone precious to him.

~His anger would bubble up given even the slightest hint of losing the few things he feels keep him stable, or at having his justice challenged.

~Unlike canon!Dimitri, you wouldn't get very much in the way of emotional vulnerability. Not expressed through words, at least. He'd make his devoted desperation clear in other ways.

~He'd be so paranoid, which is another big deviation from canon!Dimitri because I don't think he would trust you very much at all and would be a lot less likely to give you the benefit of the doubt if he began to think something was going on.

~While it's not like I think he'd go full boar on you physically, he wouldn't be that great about controlling his strength. You think you're going to leave him? Hah, good luck when you can't even walk the next morning.

~Everything about this version of Dimitri would be so much more intense than what could be considered even slightly rational. In general, he's already an intense person, but his driving, unrelenting need would become suffocating and excessive, constantly flip-flopping from aggressively possessive to fanatical devotion.

~I've never thought that Dimitri would be a particularly sexually driven person (more that he'd care about his partner's needs over his own needs), but I do think that his need for physical intimacy would be persistent and ravenous enough to make a case for it in this instance.

~He would rely on you a lot more to help manage his moods and emotions and ground him when he needed it, so it'd be insanely emotionally unbalanced. You'd basically be Dimitri's emotional keeper. Not in the cute emotional support way, but in the scary "it is your responsibility to ensure that the King doesn't have a mental breakdown" sort of way.

[hartofhearts]

Tifa and Cloud: Closing the Distance

One of the things I love about Remake is its many self-contained character arcs. These character arcs may begin in one chapter to be resolved in a later one, providing continuity, a sense of character growth, and finally resolution throughout the game. While some arcs are extremely overt (leaning on explicit lines in dialogue to draw attention to key themes), others can be quite subtle and quick, very “blink and you’ll miss it.” These “mini-arcs” rely on cinematography over script to help players make the connection. This helps reward fans who replay the game--you’re likelier to catch one of these mini-arcs after a few playthroughs.

My favorite mini-arc is one of these subtle ones.

During the “Alone at Last” scene in Chapter 3, Tifa and Cloud try to catch up, but they both get caught up on their emotional distance--their inability to be vulnerable with one another.

Tifa: I'm sorry. I know it's a touchy subject.

Cloud: Not exactly small talk. Especially with someone you haven't seen in a while.

There’s been some great discussion on key nuances being missed in the translation, but regardless, the cinematography shows us the general intent of the scene: it’s meant to emphasize the significant distance between the two.

This shot accentuates the vast space between them by centering the scene on the space itself; Tifa and Cloud stand off-center on nearly opposite ends of the screen. Their emotional distance is what the camera is trying to convey. It adds an additional layer of meaning to the scene... while Cloud and Tifa are making an effort to reconnect, their shared inability to open up to one another means they are unable to close the distance between themselves.

And this is fine and makes sense for this point in time in their character arcs--it’s only Chapter 3! Cloud still has not spent time with the AVALANCHE trio and thus opened up, Cloud still has not remembered the Promise and his deeper connection to Tifa, Tifa still has not been forced to acknowledge how important Cloud is to her by losing him again, and Cloud and Tifa have not yet proven to each other time and time again how much they care for and trust one another. (See: the Corneo mansion rescue, the back-to-back Sahagin fight, the catch at the pillar, and countless other moments both big and small.)

Finally we hit Tifa’s Resolution in Chapter 14, which draws many parallels to the original Chapter 3 scene. Once again Tifa and Cloud are “alone at last.” Once again they have a “touchy” conversation which is “not exactly small talk.” And once again, the camera emphasizes the distance between the two:

However, since Chapter 3, the relationship between Cloud and Tifa has significantly evolved. While Chapter 3′s Cloud and Tifa were too shy and unsure of one another to be vulnerable, Chapter 14′s Cloud and Tifa have learned that they are each others’ ride or dies. Tifa trusts that Cloud won’t up and leave Midgar (coughleavehercough) as he seemed wont to do in Chapter 3, and Cloud has recognized that he truly wants to be there for her.

And this makes all the difference--for as we know, Tifa’s Resolution scene ends far differently than Alone at Last.

Tifa can finally take the literal steps she needs to close the literal distance between them.

Cloud can finally reciprocate Tifa’s efforts by pulling her into a tight embrace, further closing the distance.

This is very much one of their character arcs in Part 1--Cloud and Tifa deepening their relationship and trusting one another more. For all that they were far apart in Chapter 3, Chapter 14′s Tifa and Cloud make a deliberate effort to become closer and share a new emotional intimacy.

Final thoughts:

I love how in Chapter 3, their feet are separated by the floral rug between them. (Albeit with a four-petaled flower, not the six-petaled reunion lily.) Then in Chapter 14, there’s a field of reunion lilies (more flowers!) between the two--which Tifa is finally able to cross in order to seek physical comfort from Cloud.

Remake Part 1 intentionally chooses to show that while Cloud and Tifa may have been distant in the beginning of the game, by the end of it they are not only closer, but they also want to be closer to one another. That they work towards deepening their trust and their bond. Which is honestly the most defining aspect of the Cloud/Tifa relationship: while fate can try to keep them apart, they constantly struggle to stay together and consciously choose to do so.

Which brings me back to the Alone at Last scene--while Tifa and Cloud aren’t comfortable enough to discuss Cloud’s past as SOLDIER, that doesn’t mean they will never be. They are both plainly committed to being there for one another--after all, doesn’t Tifa immediately ask to hit up the town together? And doesn’t Cloud agree to spend time with her? Even if neither of them are quite ready to be vulnerable with one another, they are willing to put in the work and eventually get there.

Of course this mini-arc is just the beginning of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship development--even in Tifa’s resolution scene we learn that their newfound emotional closeness is still clumsy (see: Cloud’s painful hug). I’m sure later parts of Remake will continue to highlight how much growing and trusting in each other they still need to do. (And I’m sure the “trusting in each other” bit will be very painful and make us cry a couple times.)

[charming-2d-boys]

Heyo! Love your writing 💖 from most to least, who in the adultrio is most touch starved and how do they deal with it in a relationship? 👀👀👀👀

Hi! This is cute and sad at the same time, but I'll make it all better and fluffier ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

Thank you for the request and I hope you'll like it! 😄

Warning: very long, a bit sad because of their pasts, some personal analysis based on common HxH knowledge, gut feeling and theories

A/N: literally poured my heart and soul, especially for Chrollo and Hisoka, because I feel really bad for what they had to go through and how twisted they can be, when things could’ve been so different

So the way I see things is as follows:

From the most touch starved to the least (they all are, absolutely, but the explanation will be below for each character):

Chrollo -> Hisoka -> Illumi

Why? Lemme demonstrate.

Chrollo

since he was probably abandoned at birth in Meteor City, he’s already missing the parents’ loving touch

Meteor City seems to be one of the harshest environments in the Hunter x Hunter universe, probably being second only (at least for me) to the Dark Continent, since that one is just nuts

because of where and how he grew up, he probably never felt anything... good, in terms of touching, affection, love etc.

Chrollo loved no one and no one loved him

not truly and not for what he is

but mostly for his looks, his power, the things he could probably acquire for them

the Spiders are the only ones who accept him as a leader and a friend, a mentor, but even so, they don’t seem that close

and he does seem like the type of person who craves it, so badly

especially after hearing about it, seeing other people do it and even reading all those romance books and poems

but he’s terrified of letting anyone that close to him and seeing him for who he is

not even he knows who he is for sure, so he is just really confused

and all those moments where he touched someone and even seemed like he cared were all lies

Chrollo actually doesn’t really get much comfort from doing it because it’s a total stranger and even though he’s the bad guy, maybe they are bad too

now, if he does get into a relationship, it’s going to be tough

he’s always searching for a catch, a lie, an ulterior motive

so you have to be very patient and actually take it easy

always ask him if he’s okay with what you’re going to do

he’ll always appreciate that and make him feel like he doesn’t have to act or lie or feel pressured into doing something he doesn’t want

if he really loves you and cares, he will slowly give in to the temptation and allow you to get closer to him step by step

maybe not immediately, but he’ll definitely start reciprocating and even initiating those affectionate gestures

and it makes Chrollo so happy when you respond positively because he needs some sort of validation that what he’s doing is okay, you’re comfortable around him, you accept him, you love him, you won’t hurt him in any way

if there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell him, because there’s nothing more he hates than hurting someone he actually cares about

overall, in the end, he’ll be pretty affectionate and romantic with you because your affection, touches, intimacy, domesticity and love that you offer him allow Chrollo find a part of himself, a more human one that he most probably thought he didn’t even have

Hisoka

in Hisoka’s case, I’d like to mention the fact that he had his mother

for how long, we don’t know, but he was taught how to do some magic tricks by her

I do think that maybe they weren’t that close, but his mother could be somewhat affectionate at times

which is probably why he remembers the fact that she taught him pretty fondly

remember the fact that Hisoka doesn’t normally care about the past, so this must’ve been something pretty significant to him and still is, since he employs cards and magic tricks into pretty much everything he does

now, about how touch starved he is?

very

not as much as Chrollo, but certainly not that less either

like I said, he had a parent, his mother, so there was some family bonding and some motherly love (at least a bit), whereas Chrollo had nothing

that doesn’t mean that Hisoka isn’t touch starved

but he doesn’t really pay much attention to that

he probably has a lot of one night stands since he seems to be so... flirty and easily excitable and extroverted

maybe he really is shy, like he said? probably in a relationship and when he is vulnerable, but I’ll get to that in a moment

even with all the one night stands and his personality, Hisoka doesn’t really feel anything, at least not emotionally, when touching or being touched

only physically

and he likes it, but that would be it, he doesn’t feel any emotional connection to anyone

but in a relationship, an actual, real, romantic relationship, things would be different

Hisoka’s going to be flirty, teasing, even mean sometimes

especially when you actually seem to want to know more about him - as a person, his past, his hobbies, anything regarding him, not the persona he has made for himself

but, again, patience and don’t go overboard

it’ll feel like an intrusion

also, yes, touchy, very

but... it doesn’t really feel like anything more than something purely physical and if you tell him to stop, he'll listen and back off

it’s all about pleasure and if you get none, he’ll feel as if he did badly

so he’d rather not have to deal with that

just like Chrollo, he’s protecting himself and his heart

because pretty much no one wanted to be with him, but for the benefits he’d bring them

not that he really let others too close either - whoever did get too close and betrayed him died painfully, I know for sure

but you’d probably start breaking down those walls slowly, in time

he will share things about himself and let you witness it, but not too much and not too often

not really into talking about his past, but again, snippets, not everything

Hisoka’s scared that you’ll use what you find out about him against him

but once he realises that yes, he can trust you and yes, he can be himself?

all bets are off

touchy, flirty, teasing, but in a very... let’s say, lighthearted way, very focused only on the two of you?

the creepy flirting and whatever is reserved for whoever he wants to fight/kill

but with you, it’ll be a lot more romantic and affectionate

will absolutely love having you close physically and touching you constantly

feels recharged and happy when he’s close to you

will definitely be almost like a different person sometimes because he’ll allow himself to be relaxed and comfortable and vulnerable around you

Hisoka likes having someone like you to rely on and be able to talk to about his thoughts and fears (not many, but still), even if it doesn’t really happen that often

but, bottom line is, he trusts you, a lot more than he’s probably trusted anyone in his entire life and will be more honest with you as well

Illumi

for Illumi, I’ll have to say that it’s his family

yes, they trained him to be an assassin and was pretty much just a test subject for Kikyo and Silva since he is a boy and the oldest

but, still, he had a family that, in a way or another, was there for him, preparing him, helping him and providing him with whatever he needed and maybe even wanted

again, this is only my way of saying that he had some sort of contact with people who were close to him, especially from a genetical point of view, ever since he was a child and had help in case he needed it

because of all the torture and training he went through, Illumi is pretty much emotionless and immune to almost anything

he feels no real joy from being touched by others or touching them, and the only ones even allowed to touch him are his family and Hisoka, mostly because he’s persistent and they’ve known each other for some time

the only way he’s really been taught how to touch others is if he has to kill them, so you can imagine that he doesn’t really know what he’s missing on, compared to, let’s say Alluka or Killua, even Kalluto who were raised a bit more... lovingly

so imagine how it’ll be when he gets into a relationship with someone who’s a lot more touchy

he’d probably be pretty on edge and even appear threatening

but, explaining what you want to do in simple terms and your reasons should make him a bit more open, at least to the idea of thinking about this

of course, Illumi’s seen other people hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.

and he’s probably wondered why he never did that

but at the same time, he’s never really felt like he really needed affection in his life

until you came into it

when you started with small things (holding pinkies was something that lasted for like a month), he couldn’t really say that he saw the big deal

but at the same time, Illumi liked it a lot

when it came to hand holding, he loved the way your smaller hand fit into his and almost seemed like it was made for him and he could just keep you close and safe

other things, like hugging or kissing probably took a bit longer

his favourite thing to do has got to be cuddling because he just likes feeling like he can relax around you and also get his daily dose of touch, love and affection from one of the few people he cares about, even loves, and who he allows to touch him

and yes, he’ll slowly start touching you as well

something as simple as a brief hug before he has to leave just makes him feel giddy and he actually wants and needs more when he comes back to you

he likes feeling all those positive emotions, though he doesn’t really like that feeling of vulnerability, but he guesses that it’s only fair, considering the fact that you’re doing the same

to others, it might not seem like he’s changed much: the same emotionless face and the same ruthlessness as an assassin

but when he’s with you, everything just seems a lot more relaxed for the two of you and he can actually just breathe and know that he’ll have you by his side at the end of the day

[kingofthewilderwest]

What's amatonormativity??

I’d encourage you to go to Google or check out tumblr tags and posts on amatonormativity to learn more!

Amatonormativity is the internalized cultural mindset that romance is default and central. It especially conceives of romance as the single most important relationship in someone’s life, to the point it should be focused upon and sought out above any other bond. It treats romance like the universal ultimate solution to any of our emotional bond problems (loneliness, intimacy, trust, support, longevity of relationships, etc.). Amatonormativity is heavily ingrained in many societies, like the mindset I find in people in the United States.

Of course romance isn’t a bad life experience! For many people, it can bring great joy. When people criticize amatonormativity, people aren’t criticizing that romance can be a great thing in someone’s life. The problem with amatonormativity is that it treats romance as the ULTIMATE thing, the ONE solution to our need for emotional fulfillment.

It’s important to understand that amatonormativity has profound negative side effects, whether you’re allo or aro, whether you’re queer or straight, and whatever gender you are. Society takes a lot of things for granted regarding romance and this can stunt our happiness. It stunts our ability to bond with other people around us or find satisfaction within our lives.

Amatonormativity underlies emotionally stunting assumptions like..... (disclaimer... I will often use language defaulting to the Western cishet perspective, because that’s the mindset of my broader society... I myself am an aroace enby and have more nuanced understandings of gender, gender expression, gender roles, sexual attraction and identity, romantic attraction and identity, etc.)

Automatically assuming that just because a man talks to a woman, the interaction MUST be romantic in nature (this of course intertwines with heteronormativity -- many of my points will intertwine with heteronormativity). It assumes there’s no such thing as “just friends” between people of “opposite” genders. This in turn can result in us losing opportunities to bond to, understand, or properly respect... literally half the human population.  

Treating friendships as secondary. Treating friendships as temporary. Treating friendships as more replaceable than romance. Treating friendships as less “deep” and important to our time than romance, even a romance you started two days ago with someone you met last week. By doing this, we lose the chance to grow deeper with someone near us. It limits the potential by which we can bond with another human soul and find happiness.  

The belief we are unlovable and not worth anything because we can’t find a romantic partner. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen people disregard their own worth because of this, and it makes me deeply sad. The truth is that our worth is not at all tied to whether we have a romantic partner. We can be so deeply loved and cherished in all sorts of relationships. Of course it’s still valid if you feel single blues because you want a romantic partner, but tying the concept into “I am worthless OR I’m dating” clearly is an emotionally harmful concept. It can result in everything down to hooking up in a relationship that you aren’t ready for or don’t like as much as you pretend you do.  

The belief that we are utterly alone without a romantic partner. I notice this often ties into the amatonormative belief that we can only get good physical touch, trust, emotional and physical intimacy, etc. through a romantic partner. I feel this mindset is especially pronounced in cishet men, since USA culture treats masculinity as lacking outwardly expressed vulnerability, and ergo you might not be getting your emotional needs met through your platonic and familial relations. The one “accepted” way of getting your emotional needs met comes through The Girlfriend / Wife. This belief prevents us from reaching out and finding support through other people in our lives. We can find love and comfort in friends. We can confide about our emotional struggles and find relational intimacy (great trust!) through familial and platonic bonds. Hugs, snuggling, other acts of physical affection are what humans need, and don’t need to be relegated to One Person Only. Plus... if we assume that our emotional struggles should be fulfilled by One Person Only... that puts enormous pressure on that partner to provide for everything. No one’s that strong. We need support networks, not one designated “save me” individual. It’s pure unhealthiness to mount burdens only on one person, and bottle yourself up otherwise. I often see this fallacy pop up when people start a new romantic relationship. You might barely know the person, and yet you’re trying to rely on them for everything, and you’re trying to be the person they’ll rely on for everything. You dive deep into the expectations before you really know how to handle it, and in the process become psychologically overwhelmed because of the Huge Responsibilities this role seems to entail. Being in a romance doesn’t automatically mean you’ve reached peak intimacy! Note: it’s not to say that romance can’t be a major avenue of security. Of course it’s a great way to fulfill intimacy, trust, physical needs, etc. Of course it can become a bond full of loyalty. But romance is actually like any other relationship... a familial relation can be weak or it can be strong, a platonic relation can be weak or it can be strong, and a romantic bond can be weak or it can be strong. The fallacy is that we are treating romance as *THE* way to fulfill all these diverse emotional problems, socking it onto one individual when it might be beyond their single load to bear, and then not seeking out help from the other sources that are around us.  

The belief that the only person you can live with is a romantic partner. Living with non-romantic roommates (aka living with friends) is seen as an undesirable inconvenience and something you only do temporarily because you financially have to. It’s seen as an immature youthful thing rather than something an established adult might do. Living with friends long-term out of chosen happiness is not something that crosses the mind of many people... it’s assumed you’ll either move out to live on your own, or marry and go and live with your partner.  

The belief that adulthood progresses through a very specific sequence of events. You go to school. You leave on your own. You marry. You get a house. You have kids. There’s a reason it’s common for family to nag you  “When are you going to get married? When are you going to get married?” Because clearly you haven’t made an important step of adulthood, an important step in life, unless you get married. I’ve noticed that for many of my friends, even those who are comfortable with the life choice to not get married... they express they don’t feel “as adult” as their married peers. And many people in society won’t treat them “as adult.”  

Harmful beliefs downplaying spousal abuse, like those people who try to argue “you can’t rape your wife / husband / spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / significant enby / significant dumbass. That’s not what rape means.” Because a sexual-romance is the GOOD thing, right?  

AND MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

Some people of course have a better handle on their relationships than others. Some people are better at ignoring what society considers most important or most default. Some of what I’ve said above is when these beliefs are treated to their utmost, rather than what some people will do (lots of people have close “besties”, for instance). But amatonormativity+heteronormativity creeps in everywhere in society.

It’s the reason why, in most Hollywood movies, the protagonist is a man and the main actress is his romantic partner. It’s the reason why these two characters might start a steamy romance even before they know each other well; who needs to write ACTUAL understanding between the two characters when they obviously are going to fall in love and fuck?

It’s the reason why advertisements are so sex-oriented (reminder note: society usually doesn’t distinguish sexual and romantic bonds). Advertisements try to make their product appealing by associating it to romance, the Ultimate Desirable. Here’s how to make you look hot so you can attract someone in a romantic-sexual relationship, because THAT’S the ultimate goal of life, right?

It’s embedded in linguistic expressions. If someone asks if you’re dating, you respond, “No, she’s only a friend.” Or. “No. We’re just friends.” Friendship is being treated as lesser. Breakups are treated as inevitably bad even if you choose to be friends afterwards -- because clearly being friends is “taking a step back”, right? Even the word “break up” -- oooo that’s bad sounding! (There have been multiple times I’ve ended romantic relationships where I’ve turned the phraseology on the head and told them it’s a step forward to better, happier, healthier, stronger bonds... and they had to think it through, because amatonormative society forgets this can be the case.) “Friendzoning” is seen as a crime in part because you’re not going to be as intimate with someone as you want to be... despite the fact that having a non-romantic and/or non-sexual relationship with someone could be JUST as meaningful and deep!

I’ve FREQUENTLY seen church study groups that offer only these options: young adult small groups, women’s small groups, men’s small groups, and married couple’s small groups. Because clearly the only “mixed” gender situations out there are when you’re too young to be married, or you’re married.

And frankly, I think it’s one of the reasons why fandom likes to play hook-up with all the characters. Shipping is SO much fun! I love shipping! This is not a comment against the act of shipping! But if everyone needs a romantic partner to be happy...... mmmmm.... yeah let’s rethink what the underlying assumption is here. It’s that default assumption that “romance=happiness, romance=ultimate goal, romance=happily ever after, friendship=lesser.” If two characters in a show don’t canonically hook up, fans can get angry... even if the relationship showed on screen is one with a lot of trust, loyalty, happiness, and intimacy.

I am aroace. I don’t know how many other friends in the aro and/or ace community have talked about how lonely and unhappy they feel, because all their friends around them are looking for sex and romance and ergo don’t treat their friendship deep enough for my friends to get their emotional needs met. It’s easy to feel left out in a world where everyone is looking for romance, and ergo you are never the bond they want to pursue.

There are many ways in which we can achieve close bonds with people. This is why I think it’s important to talk about amatonormativity. Again, I’m SO happy when my friends are happy in a good romance. That’s a good thing!!! But it’s so psychologically destructive, whether you’re aro or allo, to live in a world where romance is considered The One And Only Key to relational happiness.  

Talking about amatonormativity has the goal of helping us be aware about how society idolizes romance and/or sex. The goal is to help everyone know we have many options by which to pursue good, deep bonds in a variety of ways. The goal is to make sure we don’t treat romance as the only acceptable way to live. The goal is finding ways for humans to get our needs fulfilled healthily and widespreadly. The goal is to be more comfortable with and more accepting of people who don’t follow The One Righteous Path Of Required Romance, so that we can all be more comfortable with ourselves and the relations around us -- including being comfortable with our romances!

[allthingsmustfall]

Charthur Love HCs

It’s blisteringly hot and humid, and I’m feeling kind of melancholy, and was thinking about Arthur and Charles and the way they love each other.  I saw a post a while back (this has been living in a gdoc for a while), that accurately pointed out that in so many fics, Arthur puts Charles on a pedestal as some perfect unflawed human, and that that isn’t the best way to treat a character - it makes them one-dimensional if all they are is the Good which you use to measure another character’s Bad.  I fell into that a bit in ‘like thieves in the night’ and so it’s been sticking in my side….Anyway, it got me thinking about WHY they love each other, because if I could define that, then it might make it easier to write their relationship more realistically - so have some completely unrequested head canons from ‘like thieves in the night':

Arthur loves Charles

Arthur doesn’t think much of himself, not with all the things he’s done - if he’s remarkable in any way, it could only be because he’s put so much bad out into the world.  So with that lingering self-loathing, he’s always gonna consider his actions to be worse than similar things done by similar people.  So while he knows that Charles lived most of his life by thieving and killing folk, he doesn’t think of it as ‘bad’ in the same way Arthur regrets some of his own behavior.  Charles is Kind, and the things he’s done that weren’t kind - well, that’s only because there weren’t any other options afforded him; it doesn’t change the fact that Charles is, at the heart of him, good. Arthur is so much more willing to give others the benefit of a doubt.  While he can’t forgive himself for some of the things he’s done, he’s far more likely to forgive others.  Charles in particular.

Outlaws aren’t all chivalrous men who are competent and effective, Arthur knows that all too well.  So when they bring on new blood into the gang, Arthur never expects much.  Far more people fall into outlawing because they’re stupid and lazy than because they’re fighting a war on civilization in general and Washington, DC in particular.  And yet, immediately, Charles is Capable.  He comes into the gang and does more than his fair share of the hunting, the guarding, the chores.  Arthur has made the gang his family; taking care of them is how he shows his love.  Seeing Charles take that on without question or complaint is unusual enough to be startling.  It’s probably what first made Arthur look at Charles with real consideration.  For a long time, he waited for the other shoe to drop, for Charles to reveal himself as untrustworthy, to have some fatal flaw like most men they take on.  But it never comes. 

So many of the folks in the gang are bloviators who can’t shut up about how amazing they are.  But Charles doesn’t slam his ego around like a fucking weapon like the rest of them; it’s not that he’s uncertain about himself or his place in the gang.  He knows without question that he’s good at what he does and lets his actions/results speak for themselves. Many times Arthur has watched Charles smile privately after a job well done, either chopping wood or getting through a robbery without having to kill anybody. He's proud of his work, and rightly so.  It’s...admirable (cue confused soft emotions)

Arthur gets shit from some of the gang about how much time/energy he spends helping out the lost lambs of the world, but Charles does the same sort of thing.  In my fic, I gave Charles the Charlotte mission, but I like to think he picked up some of the other things that would have fallen to Arthur in-game.  So, back to Arthur’s low self-esteem, when Arthur offers that selflessness, makes himself vulnerable for no reason other than it was the right thing to do - whatever, nbd.  But when done with Charles’ hands, Arthur recognizes it as the sort of kindness that changes the world in small and loving ways.

Charles has a sense of humor that Arthur just gets.  It’s not loud or performative like Sean.  It’s quiet and sarcastic and deadpan.  It took him a while to really notice it, but Charles just cocking an eyebrow at the perfect time is enough to make Arthur crack. Charles has amazing eye roll game.  He can’t imagine that anyone thinks of Charles as silent and menacing, not when Arthur has personally heard Charles repeat filthy limericks until Arthur gave up trying to sleep, swung his leg over Charles’ hips, and kissed him quiet. 

I think that Arthur would have spent his whole life holding Charles in High Regard, not examining too closely the tremor in his chest when he makes Charles smile, or how...nice it is to just watch Charles chop wood. I think the love he feels for him is physical, not in a sexual way, but in a tactile, grounded way that's totally different than anything he's felt for a woman. With Mary, that love was ethereal, hard to grasp, but with Charles, Arthur could point to the point on his chest where that love lives. It's as real and alive as his heartbeat.

Charles loves Arthur

I think something bad happened prior to Charles joining the gang; not necessarily terrible or uniquely awful, but something that made him weary of being on his own.  Maybe he had to deal with some local racist troublemakers, got away clean, and was making camp for himself out in the rough only to be happened upon by more racists/bandits/troublemakers, and was forced into yet another fight for his life.  So he’s exhausted, and he wants a place to rest and he hears about Dutch’s gang. Dutch seems honorable, doesn’t mention his race, and almost...shows off the other POC in the gang (look at all the POC I have so generously taken in! Praise me for my open mindedness).  It’s condescending, but it’s better than the overt hatred he gets out on his own.  So he joins up.  He’s not expecting much out of a gang of outlaws, and some of them live up (down?) to expectations, but there’s a good chunk of people who are far more like a family than he was expecting.  They’ve even got a kid with them, who’s protected as fiercely as any child deserves.  And Arthur, for all that he’s introduced as Dutch’s menacing lieutenant, spends most of his energy protecting and caring for that core little family.  Yes, Arthur spends a lot of his time with his hands dirty, but at the end of the day, he wipes them clean and sits quietly at the fire, clear affection in his eyes as everyone talks over one another and laughs and dances.  It’s far more human than he was expecting from a man whose face is plastered from here to New Hanover and back again, drawn hastily above a litany of sins.

Arthur has been on the wrong side of the law his entire life, has probably killed more men than he’s had hot dinners, which makes it all the more amazing that he has any moral compass at all, let alone one which so unerringly brings out that fierce stubbornness when marginalized people are threatened.  Being kind matters all the more when the option to be cruel is so much easier, when it has been nurtured more than kindness ever has.  It’s...amazing, so much so that Charles is appalled that so few others seem to notice.

Charlie's is startled by Arthur’s tenderness; he had worried that Arthur would mistake him for a woman, at first, that this thing of theirs would make Arthur think of him as something delicate in need of protection. But Arthur still relies on Charles in a fight, he doesn’t try to wade in and fight Charles’ battles for him - well, for the most part.  Arthur is protective of the things he loves - so when he picks fights on Charles’ behalf it’s less because he doesn’t think that Charles can fend for himself, and more because he is impatient to kick in the teeth of every bigot in the world (it’s a thin line to walk, and Arthur doesn’t always nail it - it’s been the subject of more than one fight).  But still, Arthur is...soft in a way that surprises Charles.  Even before they admitted to themselves and each other that this was more than an occasional hand beneath a blanket, that love was creeping up around them like a slow tide, Arthur’s hands were gentle on him, reverential.  There was more than one time Charles had feigned sleep just to enjoy the soft way Arthur carded his fingers through his hair, the way the pads of his fingers traced, unasking, over his collection of scars.  The types of trysts Charles had had in his past didn’t involve anything like that - that quiet, naked intimacy that only comes after the sex is done and heart rates are drifting back to normal.  It makes Charles’ throat tight, even as the rest of him goes soft and liquid under Arthur’s hands.

Because Arthur is white, is a man, and now has enough money that he and the rest of the gang are set for life, there are things that he will never experience, and in never experiencing them, will never really understand.  Occasionally, Arthur forgets there are places that won’t serve Charles dinner and he’s enraged when he runs across them, wants to burn down every racist, bigoted piece of shit he runs across.  But he doesn’t expect Charles to comfort or educate him about these inequities. Arthur doesn’t see himself as some sort of uniquely qualified savior who can liberate the oppressed just because he’s white and he cares.  He’s learned that the best person to solve those problems isn’t a white man riding in with a gun and a temper; that the desire to help is most effective when directed by someone who has lived under that oppression.  And so he listens when Charles speaks, and he learns.  

Arthur has been with women, has been in love before Charles.  That doesn’t bother Charles - not exactly.  But Arthur has a road map to love that Charles has never seen; Arthur already contains the spaces within himself in which love can be built and tended to - the sort of thing that only comes from experience.  Charles never had the chance for that, had never expected the opportunity, not when the world was already ready to hang him for so many other things.  He’d never anticipated love, not like this, not the sort of thing which was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.  And so Arthur more easily vocalizes  his adoration.  He has told Charles he loves him plainly, many times, unthinkingly calls him ‘darlin’ when he’s distracted or preoccupied.  He doesn’t even seem bothered that Charles’ own admissions are quieter, hidden within other words and deeds.  There’s no doubt in Charles, now, about how they are together, how deeply this connection runs, but that gentle, unthinking intimacy still steals his breath away, even twenty years down the road when Arthur is walking around the cabin hollering “Darlin’ you seen my new leather hat?  I swear I had it just - ah, never mind, there it is-”

They just - are in awe of each other, each the other’s wonder which holds the stars apart.  

[kanashii-na]

CHARACTER ATTRACTION MEME 

ᴵⁿ ʳᵉˢᵖᵒⁿˢᵉ:  symbol-of-terror   said: ⋙  Tomura for the attraction meme, you know you want.

VISUAL ATTRACTIVENESS: 💗💗💗💗💗 (purely aesthetic appreciation of looks)

┋ 蒼炎⋙—.He started out with a very openly hostile, openly r u d e opinion of Tomura’s appearance, but at some point, he started to find that same countenance to be a familiar view. Then the shape of Tomura became reassuring in his peripheral, strangely welcome. Then he started to dislike its absence, started to prioritize his presence, even harbored a quiet, unspoken desire to return to it. The way that Tomura glances over his shoulder at him, nonchalant, expectant, as if he took for granted that he’d find Dabi in that space between his shoulder-blades, a blindspot that might otherwise be made vulnerable while his eyes train only ahead -- it all leaves him with a sour stomach and a hazy mind: he likes it a lot. 

FRIENDSHIP LEVEL: 💗💗💗💗💗 (how close a friend they consider them)

┋ 蒼炎⋙—.He has implicit faith in Tomura’s madness, as it comfortably mirrors and perhaps even exceeds his own. While he voices his disinterest in the League and its members as often as he can, he also works tirelessly to its successes. He takes any and all risks Tomura places in front of him, does what is required to sustain the League, both necessary and extraneous. His body is ravaged over and over by his quirk, but he still employs the full extent of his capabilities every time an obstacle or an opportunity presents before them. So long as Tomura’s vision unfolds with a place for his own ambitions, and so long as his own autonomy isn’t encumbered by their “leader’s” directives, Dabi holds nothing back when it comes to pushing through for his and Tomura’s aspirations. As unstable and ruined as they both are in his mind, he has a clumsy, ill-articulated appreciation for Tomura. Dabi has observed both the lows and the greater advent of the League’s potential -- as well as Tomura’s conviction and development as a figurehead. He has witnessed Tomura’s strength as a vector by which the grievances of those wronged by the Hero-led society flow without reservation, and he matches that force whenever he’s involved. While he won’t speak much on the value he places on the League or its leader, Dabi simply won’t allow himself to fail or fall while he has a place and a person who is genuinely relying on him.      

SEXUAL DESIRE: 💗💗💗💗 (wanting to have sex with them)

┋ 蒼炎⋙—.It’s rough and unrefined, but his attraction to Tomura extends beyond emotional and psychological fascination. He’s intensely curious about his fellow wreck of a human being, and while he won’t look directly at the sense of attachment he harbors towards Tomura, it would be expressed in its inescapable profundity if he ever let himself act on those inclinations. He cultivates a dispassionate, arm’s-length approach when it comes to the League’s figurehead, but if he had any reason to believe that he wouldn’t be rejected vehemently, Dabi wouldn’t hesitate long before allowing physical intimacy to convey all of the entangled thoughts and sentiments that his trauma-stilted tongue couldn’t wrap around.  He would consider himself the better lead in intimate interactions, and he’d quite enjoy putting Tomura through all kinds of sensations just to see him unravel a bit at his hands.  The push and pull of their arrangement in business and behind the scenes would lend a very pleasant juxtaposition of priorities in Dabi’s thoughts, and while he would be fairly adept at balancing the divergent task of “work” and “pleasure,” once they crossed the line from allies to lovers, Dabi would never relinquish the possessiveness or the aggressive attentiveness such a shift in their relationship would result in.    

ROMANTIC INTENT: 💗💗💗💗💗 (hoping for a romantic relationship)

┋ 蒼炎⋙—.While he wouldn’t be the first to acknowledge is interactions and intentions towards Tomura as romantic, that doesn’t change the fact that he’d be most easily romantically compatible with the League’s leader. As macabre and violent as their backgrounds and ambitions are, the potential for quiet interludes of trust, affinity, and companionable closeness exist simultaneously. He’s contented with Tomura’s predilection for sharing a space in comfort and ease, neither of them weighed down by expectations or cheap pretense. They can be forthright with each other, rely on one another, entrust one another with information and weaknesses alike without burdensome judgments like those cast by outsiders who have never dwelt in the darkness they’ve known. He doesn’t need Tomura to be anything or anyone else, and Tomura has high expectations of Dabi -- something that the latter takes to embittered heart. Dabi is quite a high achiever, and being considered fatally flawed from his origins has been one of the driving factors behind his emotional derangement -- the fact that Tomura expects him to be so capable is honestly, deeply satisfying to Dabi. And its something he takes great pleasure in fulfilling. This would certainly extend to romantic pursuits and exchanges, too.        

💔 Non-existent 💗 Very low 💗💗 A little 💗💗💗 Hopeful 💗💗💗💗 High 💗💗💗💗💗 Maximum

[heliotrope-r]

Do you think Reylo could still be canon, after everything that was said at SWCC and how TRoS seems to be a very "Resistance adventure" heavy movie?

I’m absolutely certain that Reylo will be canon, and none of the recent hand-wringing over Daisy’s perceived-to-be-negative comments (or John’s, for that matter) has shaken that conviction one whit. 

This isn’t a matter of “I want it to be true so it must be true,” either. If TFA and TLJ had played out any differently, I might have been less confident that explicitly romantic Reylo was necessary to tie up both Rey and Kylo’s character arcs and bring the story to a satisfying conclusion – but as it stands, it’s clear that neither Rey nor Ben can be emotionally and spiritually complete apart from one another. 

Since we first met Rey at the beginning of TFA, a girl so painfully lonely that all she can do is wait for a family she knows deep down will never come back for her, we’ve been shown not only that she has a bigger destiny that she must to learn to embrace, but also that having good friends like Finn and Leia – or even an important mission like finding Luke and helping the Resistance – are not enough to satisfy Rey’s deepest inner needs or show her where she truly belongs. 

In TLJ Rey made a unique and extraordinary Force-centered connection with Ben Solo, revealing her private fears and vulnerabilities to him in a way she has done with literally no one else, and in the end he killed his own mentor to save her. They fought side by side in one of the most epic scenes of the whole SW saga, and it visibly broke Rey’s heart when Ben failed to listen to her pleas and turn to the Light. That seismic shift in their relationship from adversaries to tragic almost-lovers isn’t something that can be reversed or waved aside in TROS as though it didn’t happen, or didn’t matter to the trilogy as a whole. It wasn’t a hiccup, a red herring, or a narrative dead end. It was an important step forward in both Rey’s character development and Ben’s, even if it had to end tragically in TLJ because it wasn’t yet time to bring their relationship to a happy conclusion. The will-they-won’t-they tension had to be maintained, and separating the two of them ideologically and physically was a classic way to do it (see PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, JANE EYRE, etc.).

So after establishing in TFA that what Rey wants most is to not to feel alone anymore, and establishing in both TFA and TLJ that Ben Solo is the only person who fully recognizes and empathizes with her loneliness, JJ’s not going to suddenly show Rey connecting to Finn and/or Poe on a new and much more intimate level in TROS, and getting her emotional needs met by them. He’s going to show us that they’re great friends and comrades and have fantastic adventures together, but that’s not enough to make Rey feel complete. She still wants, and needs, to be with Ben.

And that makes sense, because this trilogy has always been about Rey and Kylo as two equal and opposing forces, Light and Dark, destined to connect with one another and balance one another in some way. That concept has been hammered into us again and again, just as we’ve been reminded again and again that Ben Solo still has his father’s heart and can’t fully immerse himself in the Dark Side no matter how hard he tries. That all has to pay off with Ben’s redemption in TROS, because there is literally nowhere else for his character arc to go. 

We’ve already seen Kylo Ren at his worst in TFA, when he cold-bloodedly killed Lor San Tekka and ordered the massacre at Tuanul. None of the bad things he’s succeeded in doing since then, not even killing Han, have been done without obvious and agonizing cost to Ben Solo’s heart and soul – which means his arc is headed in the direction of goodness, not deeper into evil. The only reasonable place to take him now is somewhere he hasn’t already been, and that means turning to the Light.

So because of what both TFA and TLJ have shown us about both Rey’s emotional journey and Ben’s, TROS can only resolve that by bringing them together in a way that surpasses any of the connections they’ve shared before. That means more intimate than them going into each other’s minds and seeing each other’s deepest secrets, more intimate than Rey seeing Ben half-naked and vulnerable, more intimate than the two of them murmuring soft reassurances and touching hands across the galaxy, more intimate than them fighting the Praetorian Guard back to back, more intimate than Ben’s emotional appeal for Rey to stay with him and forget everything and everyone else. And that means blatant romance between them in TROS, including at least one passionate kiss, because nothing less than that would be enough to show that their intimacy has gone beyond what we’ve already seen in the other films and has now truly reached its full and satisfactory potential.

So nope, I’m not at all worried about Rey and Finn and Poe running around doing Resistance stuff together. I think that’s just going to advance the action plot, and it’s not going to get in the way of canon Reylo (which is the character plot for both Rey and Ben) at all. 

Besides, if we’re talking about “everything that was said at SWCC,” how about Daisy describing her relationship with Finn and Poe as friendship, asking John about Finn’s romance with Rose, saying that Ben is the Skywalker and that he could be redeemed, and confirming that Rey and Ben’s relationship will continue to develop in TROS? Or John saying that the dynamic between Rey and Kylo is what viewers really want to see? That’s sounds pretty Reylo-positive to me – or at least, as positive as two actors sworn to secrecy about the plot of the film can get without actively giving anything away. But I don’t rely on interviews to tell me where this story is going, and I think it’s a big mistake to do so. The real clues are in the ST movies themselves, not in the deliberately vague and misleading remarks of the people making them.

[babyybitchhh]

Shikamaru or Senku?

Damn, anon. You really just came for my throat like that. I don’t know what I’ve done to hurt you but, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I swear it won’t happen again. 🤧

Okay, okay. All jokes aside. This is a real toughie and I’m gonna have to reveal just how much of a dumb bitch I really am to explain my answer. Yes, I fall back on the zodiac to fill in any gaps in characterization and determine just how compatible I actually am with fictional men. Sue me. As per usual, this post got a bit away from me so if you want to skip down to the TL;DR for my final answer, please do. I encourage it, actually. lol 

Ishigami Senkuu

January 4th - Capricorn

Strengths: leadership, responsible, disciplined, self-control, good managers

Weaknesses: lack of compassion, know-it-all, unforgiving, condescending, expecting the worst

“Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience or expertise.”

“Known for their rational approach to life and their emotions are often well hidden from plain view. Not only is it imperative for them to stick to the realm of absolute intimacy to open their heart for someone but they are often not fully aware of their feelings before hardships occur. This will put pressure on their love life as they have to make a strict and specific equation out of everything, distancing them from carefree and smiling partners who wish to have fun in a relationship.”

“There is nothing easy in the love life of these individuals but they will not see this as the end of the world. They have enough passion and warmth carried within and if mutual respect is found and strong boundaries respected both ways, they will be prepared to let someone into their world and protect them with their shield.”

“As an earth sign, Capricorn has a powerful and instinctive sensuality which expresses itself in a straightforward and natural way without the need for props, frills or adornment. Is it somewhat bereft of romance? Well maybe, but what Capricorn lacks in the way of sentimentality, it more than makes up for in terms of responsibility and discretion ... once it overcomes its initial reserve and caution, it can usually be relied upon to give full satisfaction, no matter how long it takes. As with most other things in its life, Capricorn prefers to take its time over its lovemaking, and its highly developed self-control gives it the stamina to stay the course.”

Nara Shikamaru

September 22 - Virgo

Strengths: pure emotion, loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical

Weaknesses: sensitive to toxic environments, shyness, worry, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play

“Virgo’s are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful of the zodiac. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance and although they are often tender, their heart might be closed for the outer world. This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid, true or even relevant when opposed to reason.”

“Feelings of love and life may be a bit like ocean waves that move with the current. With so much water flowing through their primal nature, their rational mind will easily fade around those that touch their heart. This makes them vulnerable to all sorts of betrayals and wrong compromises along the way. They need to be stable and firm in understanding and deciphering their own feelings before anyone else’s or they might lower their guard too far down.”

“They need a partner who is as fragile as they are but also someone who is aware of the strength of their emotional world.”

“ Many Virgos aren’t particularly comfortable with demonstrative displays of emotion or dramatic, over-the-top outbursts. Normally quite shy by nature, they prefer to express their affection in tangible, down-to-earth ways: love for them is about actions, not just empty words. Big worriers who don’t find it easy to show their feelings, Virgos are prone to internalizing their anxieties about their physical desirability – frequently making themselves ill in the process – and can often be a bit uptight around sex. To balance this, they need lots of reassurance that they’re actually perfectly okay!”

Now ... y’all can correct me if I’m wrong, but that all sounds pretty spot on to me. Like, it’s accurate. I’ve mentioned this a few times when replying to comments on my Dr Stone fics, but I really enjoy how nuanced Senkuu is because there’s a lot going on under the surface of his cool facade. He’s very task-oriented and objective about what needs to be done, but he’s also extremely sympathetic towards others even if he tries to play it off. It seems hard for him to be honest about his feelings because, frankly, they’re not rational enough for his liking, so he tries to find ways to justify them. On the flip side, Shikamaru is a little similar with his cool, objective-oriented outer shell but he’s conversely quite sensitive. Like, hella sensitive. That boy is not anywhere near as tough or impenetrable as he acts and I do think at least part of that is a defense mechanism of some sort to shield his heart, even before Asuma died but especially afterward. They’re both tough to penetrate emotionally and they guard their true feelings so well that it actually does manage to fool people. I mean both the characters around them and also the fans watching at home. So at this point, there doesn’t seem to be a conclusive winner and it should come down to a simple matter of preference, right?

Well, let’s see what the stars have to say about throwing a Leo into the mix.

Capricorn + Leo

“... have one thing in common and it’s their awareness of self. It will be a rare occasion when Leo is attracted to Capricorn but the other way around seems more probable.”

“Both are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities.”

“Like Barbie and Ken, you’re a good looking pair ... your shared love of achievement and impressive ambition sends power couple fantasies running through your heads. If you’re out to conquer the same goal, your combined skills make you quite an awesome force to behold.”

“The physical intimacy between a Leo and a Capricorn is where this mismatched couple can come together. Leo is hot, physical, feminine, [and] enjoys giving pleasure. In a day to day life, Capricorn is reserved and proper but when it comes to sex, he wants it wild, woolly, rough and tumble. Lucky for him, Leo has a similar sexual appetite. It’s in bed where Leo has the power to make customarily reserved Capricorn throw caution to the wind and become a bit crazy in love.”

“What you’ve got here is one sign with a forensic eye for detail and another who paints with an incredibly broad brushstroke. The possibility of driving each other crazy is real.”

“Capricorn is more likely to be attracted to Leo than the other way around - they’ll watch the lion prance, preform and captivate with their personality and either instantly dislike or feel uncomfortably drawn to them.”

The good: both seek success, Capricorn teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Capricorn passion

The bad: Leo thinks Capricorn is a cold fish, Capricorn thinks Leo is a show off, it all gets too hard to compromise

Virgo + Leo

“Their rationality might turn into an intellectual battle for sexual dominance, that is, if they ever reach the point in which they both want to have sex with each other.”

“Leo shows Virgo good times and fun, and introduces the spontaneity that is often missing from Virgo’s life. Virgo teaches Leo patience and focuses their intellectual energy.”

“Leo plays cheerleader to pessimistic Virgo while levelheaded Virgo steps into the therapists role, mirroring Leo’s angst until a breakthrough is reached. This is a safe emotional harbor for both of you.”

“Virgo and Leo see their time together in bed as a celebration of their love and commitment. Both are hopeless romantics so there will be plenty of physical foreplay, including morning kisses, long evening embraces, candles, flowers, and massages. A creative and open minded Leo is always willing to try something new and Virgo, who is no prude either, will be a willing follower. Together these two can reach sexual heights they’ve never experienced before.”

“A comedy of errors ...Leo and Virgo are forever working through misunderstandings and mending communication fences. Often it’s as if they speak different languages.”

“Leo pounces and Virgo, invariably, plays hard to get, rebuffing the lion and appearing completely underwhelmed by their charms. This of course drives Leo into a frenzy of heightened passion - they pull out their A game and deliver super hot maneuvers. The funny thing is that such scenarios are usually Virgo devised and orchestrated. They’ve probably observed the flamboyant lion in action - noted that everyone submits to their charisma and decided to go in the opposite direction. If played correctly Leo becomes a lovesick pussy cat ...”

“Virgo is a bit of a tease - for much of the “falling in Love” phase they love-starve Leo who shamelessly begs for morsels of affection. It actually makes the attraction between them electric.”

The good: Virgo teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Virgo to have fun, they are fascinated by each other

The bad: messy Leo drives neat freak Virgo crazy, negative Virgo brings Leo down, poor communication abounds

So ... what did we take from all that? Well, first of all, both of them are apparently going to teach me patience which I admit I sorely need. Conversely, I’d bring passion, fun and spontaneity to their lives. On one hand, Senkuu seems like he’d be much more drawn to me than Shikamaru because even though I do stay drinking my dumb bitch juice, we have similar driving forces in our lives and I’m not a complete idiot. I love science, especially when it comes to learning about space and how the world works, just not the mathematical portion. That part can eat my ass tbh. On the other hand though, if Shikamaru and I could sort of find a common ground to stand on it sounds like it would be a very healthy relationship for the both of us which I need so badly it’s kind of not funny. Like, I’m self-aware enough to realize what I need out of a hypothetical relationship and it (unfortunately) is the kind of emotional connection that facilitates healing and growth rather than stagnation. I don’t think either of them would just sit there and watch me flounder in my angst, as one of those quotes put it, but everything is pointing at Shikamaru being much more well equipped to tackle the problem while simultaneously needing the same in return, which I would be more than happy to give him.

TL;DR: I actually cannot pick between them. I just can’t do it. I love them both for strangely similar but also drastically different reasons and, objectively, I can’t say I like one more than the other. Both give me soft, doki doki feelings that I don’t know what to do with and even after thinking on it for about two hours, I’m incapable of saying with definitive certainty that I like one more. So all I can go off of is what the zodiac has to say about our compatibility which is pointing at both potential relationships being rocky with their ups and downs, but Shikamaru being the more sensitive of the two comes out the winner in the end. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work with Senkuu to truly become the power couple we both secretly crave, but I know my emotions can get away from me at times and it seems to me that Shikamaru would be a smidge more understanding in that department. 

I realize this definitely isn’t the answer you were expecting, anon, and I absolutely considered scrapping this whole post more than once. lol But I didn’t want to shrug off the question just because I couldn’t decide which of them I liked more. Anyway, for the sake of posterity, here’s what the zodiac has to say about me for comparison. 

August 7th - Leo

Strengths: Energetic, creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, humorous

Weaknesses: Hasty, arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lazy, inflexible

“Love is the focus point of these individuals, and while their intellectual and instinctive sides are the first ones to show, we will see that they seek someone equal, to share their inner states with. They need a lot of support and a calm partner that soothes their Soul, someone quiet enough and intimate enough to feel safe with. Easy to detach from reality and our planet Earth, their relationships either speak of the unseen and the impossible or present a safe haven where their bodies can rest, and their routine can be brought to balance.”

“Open for new things and often ready to openly show their sexuality, they need a fine touch of love they are worthy of in this lifetime. Romance can be obstructed by their need to prove a point or become the image of something they admire, but as they get closer to their inner truth and become aware of their talents and potentials, they invite the right partner to be within a strangely peaceful union. Although they sometimes stand opposed to marriage and structures and forms that put any relationship in a drawer, they will gladly commit to the right person by their side, in all those surprising and unusual ways.”

“This Fire sign is passionate and sincere and its representatives show their feelings with ease and clarity. When in love, they are fun, loyal, respectful and very generous towards their loved one. They will take the role of a leader in any relationship, and strongly rely on their need for independence and initiative. This can be tiring for their partner at times, especially if they start imposing their will and organizing things that aren't theirs to organize in the first place. Each Leo needs a partner who is self-aware, reasonable and on the same intellectual level as them. Their partner also has to feel free to express and fight for themselves, or too much light from their Leo's Sun might burn their own personality down.”

“Sex life of each Leo is an adventure, fun and very energetic. This is someone who has a clear understanding of boundaries between sex and love, but might fail to see how important intimacy and emotional connection is to the quality of their sex life. Every Leo needs a partner to fight through their awareness and reach their sensitive, subconscious core, in order to find true satisfaction in a meaningful relationship.”

(Spoiler alert: this is all true, except the part about taking on the role of leader in relationships. I genuinely love being dominated in bed, but only if I deem my partner worthy or adequate enough to get the job done. Other than that though, I can’t say any part of this is horribly incorrect. Oops. : / )

[inkstaineddove]

For Convenience Sake

Ship: PruHun

Characters: Prussia, Hungary

Summary: Erzsébet and Gilbert have been relying each other for emotional support, with their intimacy increasing as the Cold War heats up. How does the purely physical interact with their repressed longing for each other?

This was a relationship of convenience. Well, for Erzsébet it was. Gilbert tried to force himself to feel differently, but it was impossible. He'd been in love for so long, yearning for her, how could he try to deny his feelings once he finally had her? But he had to deny. This was no time for romance. They were comrades - although they both loathed the term since coming under their Russian captor - in arms, fighting against an oppressive system that felt all-consuming. This was their act of rebellion in a society that punished love and compassion. Still, Gilbert hoped. He was hoping then, watching Erzsébet sleep, her naked back rising and falling as she breathed. He lightly ran his fingers down her sides, enjoying the tenderness of the action. Like this, when she looked so soft and vulnerable, he could almost forget what a fierce warrior she was. There were women like her in myths. The Valkyries in Norse stories, those women who fiercely chose who lived and died in battle. Or the Amazons of the Greeks, the whole race of fighting women chosen by the Gods. That was more like it. "My Amazonian goddess," Gilbert mumbled.

"Wha-?" Erzsébet yawned and rolled over, blinking sleep out of her eyes. She smiled gently at her Prussian companion. "You're still here." He shrugged, trying to make it seem as if he hadn't thought over the act extensively. "I was tired, it was easier than catching a train." He stood up. "Breakfast? I make a mean omelet."   She nodded and he left. The Hungarian snuggled up under the blankets, annoyed at the cool that now settled in. It was the first time he had stayed the night. They'd never had a spoken rule about leaving, but it had become custom. Easier to ignore the strangeness of everything if you were on your own in the morning. Easier not to think about things. She sighed, choosing to accept his given excuse. Besides, it didn't really matter. It was better, Erzsébet thought. She knew he didn't like being on his own as much. Things haunted him, especially if he drank too much. This way she could keep an eye on him, make sure she prevented hearing from him in a panic the next day. Seeing him like that, it almost made her forget that he had once been one of the finest warriors in Europe. One of the sharpest military minds, able to take on any foe and triumph. Who would recklessly rush into battle against any opponent, even if the odds were against him. She chuckled and found renewed pride in all the times she'd beaten him on the field. "Ah, well I did say he was one of the best, not the best." She rose from the bed and wrapped her robe around herself. She shuffled into the kitchen, following the smell of fresh eggs. "I didn't know you were capable of cooking." Her tone was teasing, but didn't quite hide the amazement of seeing such a formerly feral man doing such a mundane task. "I had to feed Ludwig and myself somehow. Especially when my servants left with Wilhelm." He handed Erzsébet her plate and smiled. "You oughta give me more credit. I'm not a total barbarian." She rolled her eyes and bumped him with her elbow. They sat down and ate in peaceable silence. Erzsébet looked over the letters from yesterday while Gilbert scanned the newspaper. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her shift from Erzsébet to Hungary. "Something happened?" Hungary huffed. "When doesn't something happen. We haven't been receiving adequate bread rations for the last three months so I've been kicking up a fuss to get some. Those shipments are going to be delayed by another month and even then there's no guarantee of it all being there. Not only that, but we're not getting enough oil from Moscow because of some bullshit Ivan's trying to pretend is all sunshine and roses. That son of a bitch, I should really cut out his tongue and break his fingers to make it harder for him to lie." Gilbert watched her, knowing it was better for her to run her mouth off. No point in trying to calm her down, especially when he understood her frustrations. Not like they weren't experiencing similar problems in East Germany. But he didn't want to think about that. Not now, not when the bullshit of bureaucracy already occupied so much of his thoughts. "Try not to let it eat you alive. No point when it's always the same shit, different day." "Like you don't worry about your own people." "I try not to since Germany would be better off if I worried about it less. It doesn't seem to thrive anymore when I get involved." Hungary didn't know how to take that, but he laughed. "I'm not so fragile, geeze. Don't make me feel like fine China." Prussia smiled a toothy grin. "You've been helping me deal with this shit for all this time, you should know I can take a joke." She rolled her eyes. "Please, I'm not the only person you could talk to. You had Roderich as well. Which was weird, by the way. Seeing you two get along is uncomfortable." "Yeah, but he doesn't really count. That was just for convenience sake." Erzsébet scoffed. "And this isn't?" Gilbert couldn't hide his wince. She frowned. "I didn't mean it quite like that. We've always been friends...of some kind. It came out wrong." He had already hardened up though. "No, it's fine. We've always been a convenient thing. This is an alliance with an expiration date. I get it." His hurt was annoying her. What did he want from this, from them? What did he expect? That they were going to bloom into a loving couple, one full of tenderness and soft moments carried out without a second thought? That wasn't in their nature. She had given up on that dream sold to little girls long ago, long when she had first gotten married to Roderich and realized her place in his life wasn't as an equal and beloved partner. As for him, she could never recall a time when Gilbert ever believed in that stuff. He had always been so anti-marriage, against getting too emotionally invested in one person that it became a liability. Why would that change now, in a time when relationships were more costly than ever? "You can't tell me you actually wanted a real relationship. Like, with dates and all that mushy crap. I thought you liked this. I thought this was what was best for us both!" She was getting frantic now, not wanting to hear anything to the contrary from him. She did not want to suddenly see him in this new light. There was so much changing, how could her Gilbert change as well? He exhaled loudly through his nose. "Really? Do you not remember how pissed I was when you married Roddy? Do you think that was all completely selfless? All me not wanting you to be with a total square? Shit, Erzsi, I've been pining for you since we were kids! You know how relieved I was when I found out you were a girl? I thought I was going to hell!" A stupid smile spread across his face. "And now, I'm with you. Yeah, it's not the way I'd always hoped, but it's got it's perks. But I can't give up that childish dream of something more. Something where we both might actually be happy again after so fucking long." Erzsébet shot up. She began pacing. She couldn't deny there was something there between them, that there always had been. But why now? Why now, why couldn't it wait for a better time? When there was balance restored in the world and they could be free? She didn't want there to be a chance for this to be used against them. There always was blackmail potential, always a way of threatening to make you break. This would just be another liability. And their relationship and her friendship with Feliks was already so risky. Why add to it? Why enhance the risk? The reckless part of her, the part of her who grew up believing in those fairy tales of daring romance and dashing knights wanted to give it a chance. The world sucked. Their position was incredibly bleak, but what was the point in them denying such a simple pleasure? Finding some joy out of life, hadn't she missed that? It was so hard to be positive, to find the beauty in the world around her. It had been so long since she'd been able to do that. Maybe this would rekindle something in her. Maybe it would do the same for him, with his eyes looking so heavy and fearful of what he'd seen. Other people couldn't fix your problems, she understood that, but you could heal alongside someone. And that would be the most beautiful thing of all. Erzsébet hugged her robe tighter to her. There was still one nagging fear. "What if we lose each other?" Gilbert got up and gently kissed her cheek. "We've lost each other before, but somehow we always find each other again. We're hotheads, shit'll happen. We just gotta try, make things work and make each other smile." He sighed. "God, have I missed your smile." Slowly she turned around and took his hand. Gilbert brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly. "Promise me that this will be fine." Erzsébet's voice was barely above a whisper. "I promise you, everything will be fine. I won't let it work out any other way." For a second, they both believed it.

[punkbakugo]

I ask this from a place of just really liking to read all types of analysis. I intend this as a way you can write about something you like and not “defending from a hater.” Why do you like Baku as a top? (Unrelated I see him as a bottom but it’s kind of a long complicated in depth character analysis that won’t fit in an ask, but I could write it if you’d like in the future) Anyway, please hopefully enjoy this ask and have fun with this excuse to write about something you enjoy, if you need one❤️

i don’t know how to have fun so i still kinda ended up writing this as an “in defense of” dsjfdkjs

let me state that i’ve seen people’s reasonings and, on a theoretical level, i understand why people might see him as a bottom (or a verse), i just don’t agree with it nor does it hold any appeal for me. i understand the role reversal thing, the desire to see him vulnerable in x & y ways, how someone might think a person like him would want to be submissive or something like that, i definitely get that for other characters, but bakugou doesn’t check the boxes that would make me think that kind of thing would apply to him or want to see that kind of thing applied to him.

so anyway, from my perspective, why do i think of him as a top:

bakugou is the exact brand of brightly confident, assertive, aggressive, gruff, surprisingly serious, self reliant person that makes me look at him a go “yeah he’s a top.” like, what i’ve always loved about him is he has insecuritiesbut outside his early arrogance he’s a genuinely confident person, he has a few prickly defense mechanisms but he’s still fairly straightforward, and his character arc revolves around him acknowledging and facing his weaknesses and learning to rely on others but i’ve never gotten the feeling that he doesn’t genuinely enjoy being a leader or that he should or would actually want to let someone else take control, particularly Like That.

i’m also very particular RE: bakugou & intimacy. i can’t imagine bakugou being intimate with anyone he isn’t already close with, and i can’t imagine him being in a relationship with someone if he wasn’t entirely 100% devoted because bakugou katsuki puts his all into everything he does. in that context: being in a healthy romantic relationship with emotions and communication and all that jazz is in and of itself going to put bakugou outside of his comfort zone and is inherently vulnerable, therefore i feel like physical intimacy would be bakugou’s chance to show that he cares in a way he’s comfortable with and confident in, that his partner is loved and desired, without the necessity of words. he prioritizes action over anything else, so it’d be another way he’d be able to take care of his partner and i think he’d take a lot of pride in being able to make them feel good. it’d also be a healthy outlet for pent up aggression & all that jazz. (i rly rly like bakugou taking care of ppl in his own way & taking a lot of pleasure & pride in that. & service top kacchan is A++) (and i honestly just feel like he wouldn’t enjoy the feeling of anything. hmm. invasive)

i didn’t even touch on why feel this way in the context of bkdk specifically but i mean it’s all just a matter of preference & personal perspective :O

[scriptstructure]

I’m trying to write a marriage and romance that starts out arranged and they don’t get along. It is even more complicated as the wife originally had been in love with someone else who sneaks in to see her, but during one instance, guards mistake him for a bad guy and shoot. Problem is, that arrow is laced with something that would only injure the bad guy, but would kill others, so, he dies. The laced arrow is actually the husband’s idea, who is an expert in such potions. How does a relationship start after such a tragic ending when both blame the other and also feel sorry for the circumstances that it happened? The more I attempt to write, it seems I’ll never be able to write their emotions and thoughts clearly and sometimes it seems I ramble on and make no sense. Especially when I attempt to explain what even starts their relationship. I don’t think I even made that clear as well because I think there shouldn’t be a clear start?

Alright, now you haven’t said whether this romance is meant to be Romance, or if it’s supposed to be a side plot for another story, but I’ll answer this as a question about a Romance novel, because I think that understanding the genre-specific structural elements that are most often used there will help you to figure out how to tackle this plot in either case.

Romance stories in the most traditional sense, have a roughly five-point structure, centred on the development of a romantic relationship between two (or more in the case of menage or multiple romances), depending on the subgenre that the romance story occupies, these five points can take on different appearances, but these are the things that a Romance Reader is going to expect to see in a Romance Novel:

The First Meeting

The First Kiss

The First “Intimacy”

The Black Moment

The End (Happily Ever After, or Happy For Now)

Now, as there are different approaches to a romance, you can have variations on these things, the traditional Harlequin style would be very to-the-point, the Heroine meets the Hero, there is some focussed action between them centring on the key elements of the story (ie, if it’s a country romance, the hero is probably helping out on the farm where the heroine lives, and during that they get to know each other and interact in some way).

Then the First Kiss occurs at a moment of heightened drama, the first kiss is a shift from the characters being on separate emotional journeys, to joining together in a physical journey (this kiss could be a full on pash, or it could be a fleeting hand-kiss, but the key is that it signals to the reader that Now It’s Progressing) after the kiss there will probably be some time to amp up the drama both in the relationship and in the exterior factors that the characters are dealing with.

The First Intimacy can be, obviously, a sexual scene, but depending on what kind of romance story it is, it might be a heartfelt confession, it might be the characters being together for an emotionally intimate and vulnerable moment, it might be any number of things, but it is what codifies the height of this relationship, the key thing that means that they’re The One for each other. Huge trust and heaping amounts of sexual, emotional, romantic intimacy to make the fantasy real between them.

The Black Moment is where it seems like everything is lost. Depending on the subgenre it might be that it seems like one of the characters has betrayed the other in some way, or it might be an exterior factor (in our country romance, perhaps the heroine’s father is going to Lose The Farm, which will mean our lovers will be tragically separated), in any case, this is the emotional opposite of the First Intimacy, the story goes from the very highest of emotional highs, to the lowest of lows.

But of course, this is a Romance Novel, so the problems are resolved, the characters get together, and they have their Happily Ever After (or Happy For Now, at least). This part is probably the most important and defining feature of the Romance Novel. It must have a Happy Ending, otherwise it does not fit in this genre. A Romance Novel is not a Romance Novel without a Happy Ending.

Now, how does all this apply to your situation? You can think about, structurally, how you’re going to set up this narrative arc with your characters. Even if it is a romance sub plot within a different genre, you can use these five points of the romance plot to chart out how it fits into your story.

A romance trope that may work for this couple is ‘Enemies to Lovers’, where in the beginning the pair do not like each other for whatever reason, but who over the course of the story grow to understand and to love one another. C.S. Pacat’s Captive Prince series is a good example of this, where the Heroes go from being deadly enemies to being in love over the course of three novels.

So you have your arranged marriage set-up. The couple presumably meet either during the negotiations to arrange the marriage, or when they are actually about to get married. In this situation, you might want to look into the historical kinds of arranged marriages that occurred in royal families. Often, these kinds of relationships were highly political, think about it as the woman’s ‘job’ to go and join another family and work on political and social ties between her family and the royal line. 

Think about the initial feelings that the woman has going into this situation: is she doing it only because she has to? Is she a shrewd political mind looking for family advantage? Is she a dreamer who would rather have stayed at home and had her affair with her lover?

Think about the husband’s feelings about the situation: is he just looking for someone to produce heirs for him? Does his family rely on the political match with her family for something (ie money, political support, access to goods and services or supplies)? Is he expecting her to be totally loyal to him, or is he only looking for the facade of a marriage (once we’ve got an heir and a spare I’ll have my affairs and you can have yours)?

I would suggest, whatever level of regard for one another they begin with, that you make the death of the wife’s former lover occur in the Black Moment. If you’re going for something that extreme, you want there to be a foundation of the relationship to be strained, and then for the pair of them to begin rebuilding the relationship after that disaster.

It’s going to depend on a lot of factors, such as why and how the ex lover ended up being in that position, the reactions that each of the couple has in the immediate aftermath, the way that blame is apportioned, and the level of threat represented by the bad guy who would need such a defence.

The beginning of a relationship is the first meeting, whatever kind of relationship it may be, the subsequent events may change the kind of relationship it is, it may make them closer, or more distant, it may change their views of one another, and it may change their views of the world around them. So think about this relationship beginning at the beginning, not at the point of the tragedy--the tragedy is more than halfway through a Romance Plot.

In short, I think if you put in some solid work on establishing the reasons that they’re in this arranged marriage in the first place, and on making sure that these characters have traits that would make them suited to one another in the long run/ if circumstances were different, then you can build and develop a relationship that can withstand and evolve with the tragedies that occur in their story together.

I hope this helps!