#actually a secondary answer to all three of these questions is: | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotchner-edu · 3 months

Text

Eyes Don't Lie | Aaron Hotchner

Synopsis: The one where you think you’re being slick about your crush on Aaron (spoiler: you’re not.)

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x BAU!sunshine!reader

Warnings: fluff, Aaron's arms, drinking

You remember it all too clearly, the day you got the highly coveted profiler position in the BAU. Not because you actually managed to get the job, that was secondary, but because the man who interviewed you was possibly the most gorgeous human you'd ever laid eyes on.

And now that very same man was your unit chief. Unbending in his resolve and ever self-assured, you stood absolutely no chance. You still had trouble recalling how you even answered the interview questions back then, only remembering how your mind spun the longer you stared at him.

When you joined the team, the overflowing abundance of joy and sunshine tying them together (thanks to one Penelope Garcia) seemed to fly into overdrive.

The team never let you forget just how much they adored your smiley nature, grateful for your constant comforting presence. Although they all absolutely loved Penelope, she was usually stationed back in her lair when the team had to fly to different places, and the effects of heavy cases weighed on them during those days.

That seemed to change when you were roped into the team, always keeping someone company and trying to alleviate their stress.

Never with Aaron though.

You seemed to malfunction every time he was alone with you, and that often led you to scurry off, your school girl crush festering deeper in your heart.

"Good morning, sunshine." Derek's voice meets your ears as he enters the precinct, dropping a kiss to the top of your head as he sits beside you.

"Good morning!" You chirp with a grin, sorting out the papers in front of you— all ransom notes that had been left by the unsub for his victims' parents. All starting with demands for hundreds of thousands of dollars, and all ending with half-buried bodies.

Derek glances at the papers for a moment before directing his attention to Spencer who was staring at the whiteboard in front of him. "Any luck with the geographical profile, Reid?"

"Working on it..." Spencer mumbles under his breath, the precursor to his flow state. Yeah, he would figure it out in no time.

Your attention is averted to the entrance of the meeting room when Emily strolls in with both her coffee and yours in her hands. "Early start today... again." She grumbles playfully and smiles as she hands you your cup.

"At least we all seem to be energized today." You smile brightly in gratitude, bringing the cup to your lips so you could blow on it.

Emily nods and plops down across from you. "Yeah, and it seems like our guy is in no rush." She huffs and frowns a bit as she addresses the three of you guys. "Lisa's parents haven't gotten a second ransom note yet."

Your eyebrows furrow at the news. Lisa Thomas was the unsub's latest victim, having been snatched almost three days prior.

"He's breaking pattern?" You ask in disbelief, frowning as you think.

"Or he's found what he was looking for." Aaron's smooth voice flows into the room and you instinctively stiffen up, posture suddenly pin-straight. "Good morning." He nods to all of you.

You miss the amused look Derek and Emily share as your eyes flicker to Aaron's figure as he strolls towards the table. He was in his usual suit, bringing his arm up to check his watch for a moment, the action drawing your gaze to his hands.

Your voice dies a little in your throat and Aaron's eyes find yours, softening a bit.

Emily swoops in and jumps off of his suggestion. "You think he's found the perfect opportunity from Lisa?"

Aaron debates this and spares a glance toward Spencer's motionless figure. "Her parents are the most affluent. It could be that he's planning out his next move to optimize monetary gain."

Still, that theory didn't seem right to you. It had to be something else. His ransom notes were vague, making steep demands that were undeniably impossible to meet in his given time window.

Besides, autopsy had told you all that he had killed the previous girls only hours after the ransom notes were estimated to have been delivered.

And then it hits you.

"He was practicing." You suddenly say, blushing sheepishly when you realize you said it louder than you intended.

Aaron looks back to you and gently asks, "Practicing?"

Willing every ounce of professionalism in your body to come together, you nod and glance toward Reid's map. "What if Lisa isn't just another one of his victims? What if she was the goal the entire time? He never intended on letting any of his previous captives live, that's why he never even went to pick up any ransom money that was offered."

Derek's eyes widen and he nods, the gears turning in his head. "Her background doesn't match his previous three victims then, but how?"

Spencer suddenly cuts in, having had an epiphany as he draws four circles around the map, three forming a triangle around the fourth circle. "Status. Lisa's family lives on the top of the estate hill."

"But the other three girls also came from wealthy backgrounds?" Emily asks, leaning forward in her seat.

"The hill is the status symbol... he's been targeting increasingly wealthy girls to test the limits, to see if he'd get caught." You say softly.

Reid nods and looks to you in an almost excited manner from the breakthrough. "We've been looking at this the wrong way. He's not trying to get ransom money, it's much more personal than that and he's trying to throw us off his trail."

"We need to interview the residents living at the bottom of the hill. Prentiss, pay the Thomas' another visit and ask them about anybody in their lives who they've casted aside that may have been personally involved with Lisa" Aaron says firmly, already reaching for his phone. He pauses before looking at you, face softening a bit. "Nice work."

Your eyes widen and you stutter out a surprised response. "I... thank you, sir."

Aaron looks like he wants to say something again, but he decides not to and spins on his heel to make some calls. Derek chuckles and shakes your shoulders. "Good job, sunshine. But you have got to stop making googly eyes at the boss man."

"I'm not making googly eyes!" You protest, ignoring your sweaty palms and racing heart.

Derek lifts his hands up in surrender, his smug grin unwavering. "Whatever you say."

It takes only half a day after your revelation to catch the unsub, a secret boyfriend of Lisa's who lived at the bottom of the hill. He had intended to take her and run away since her parents disapproved of their relationship, but he wasn't able to follow through with that plan because Lisa had found out about his penchant for murder and planned to turn him in.

"How scary." You sigh and frown a bit as the team packs up, ready to leave the precinct and get back on the jet.

"You're telling me. Killing innocent girls to try and hide your girlfriend's abduction is certainly..." Emily trails off with a flabbergasted look, not having a word to describe the situation.

"This is why I am never dating." You grumble, smiling when Emily gives you an eyebrow raise. "I mean it!"

"Sure, sweetheart. Don't think we forgot how you want to be Mrs. Unit Chief." Derek jokes, snickering as he slings his bag over his shoulder.

Emily nods in agreement and pats your arm fondly. "Steam practically erupts from your face whenever he's within a four feet radius of you, honey."

You gasp in denial and turn to Spencer. "Spence, I'm not like that, am I?"

Your friend perks up at the sudden question and blinks a couple of times. "Uhm... you kinda are." He says with a sheepish smile, hating to burst your bubble of delusion.

"Oh my god... I need a drink." You huff and sigh in defeat.

"Now that's something I can agree with." Derek chuckles and slings his arm around your shoulder. "Let's celebrate when we get back."

You throw your head back and sigh dramatically. "You guys totally suck by the way."

You try to avoid thinking of the matter in the coming days, becoming even more skittish around Aaron. Unbeknownst to you, your boss had long caught on to the crush you harbored for him, and was growing more impatient with your constant avoidance.

A week after you get back from the case, you're distracted by a sight in front of you that has you nearly drooling. Aaron is pacing in his office, blinds open, suit jacket off, with his arm muscles rippling as he adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves.

He's speaking into his phone, his signature frown painting his face.

Your chin is propped up against your hand as you watch him, a hint of wonder in your gaze as your paperwork is long forgotten about in front of you.

You're suddenly jolted out of your stupor when a pair of hands land on your shoulders. "What are we looking at, sunshine?" Derek's voice rings out by your ear as he follows your gaze with a chuckle. "That checks out."

"Here to torment me again, oh great one?" You joke and poke his ribs with your finger.

He shakes his head and moves his hand to rest on the back of your chair. "Maybe later. The team was planning on grabbing some drinks tonight, and you're coming."

"I have no say in this?" You ask and chuckle, smiling brightly at the prospect of having a fun night out with the team.

"Nope. Neither does the boss man." Derek grins mischievously as he glances towards Aaron's office.

Your eyes widen owlishly and you gape. "Wait, Hotch is coming too?"

He pats the back of your chair and smirks. "Yep! See you tonight, sweetheart. JJ's picking the place so make sure to check the groupchat." He says and walks off before you can get another word out.

Blinking slowly, your mind suddenly conjures up a mental image of your closet as you start debating on what to wear.

Meanwhile, across the bullpen, Hotch is speaking lowly into his phone as he suddenly feels very silly. "So?" He gruffly asks, eyes darting to his discarded jacket.

"What? You're telling me you couldn't feel the heart-shaped lasers coming your way?" Emily's voice rings out on the other side of the phone with an amused huff.

He sighs softly and frowns. He had no idea what the hell he was doing and why he even agreed to the the team's little scheme in the first place.

"Okay, I can hear you overthinking from here. Trust me, she was ogling you like no tomorrow. And she knows you're coming tonight, so wear something nice." She advises gently.

His frown deepens and he looks out of his office window and into the bullpen, seeing your frazzled figure deep in thought at your desk. "Yeah, like what?"

"You didn't hear this from me, but she likes your arms. Do what you will with that knowledge." Emily muses out lightly, recalling the time when you had practically gushed to her and JJ that Aaron wasn't in his suit for once when he came by to pick something up at his office.

Both her and JJ figured out pretty quickly that you were raving about it because of his exposed arms as you kept circling back to how muscular they looked.

Emily felt a bit guilty for tipping Hotch off about that, but she could ask for your forgiveness at a later date.

Later that night, you're contemplating faking a flat tire to get out of the get-together, but Aaron being the kind of person he is, would likely offer to come pick you up instead.

Seeing no escape, you decide to just toughen up and join in on the night of fun. You were dressing up a bit more than usual, and you decided to arrive fashionably late to avoid being paired off with your early-bird boss. You don't think you'd survive another embarrassing interaction with him.

It's a bit past nine by the time you arrive at the bar, most of your team already two shots of vodka deep. Waving at the group, you do a double take when you see Aaron sitting beside the only empty spot, sporting a navy polo shirt that hugged his biceps deliciously, two of the top buttons undone.

You pause in step for a second and nearly stumble into someone as your eyes are zeroed in on him. What the fuck was he wearing, and was he trying to kill you?

Regaining your bearings after a couple of seconds, you continue walking and smile softly.

"Hey guys..." You chuckle as Penelope gasps at the sight of you.

"Hot! Hot!" She squeals out and stands up, hugging you and looking at your outfit.

You smile brightly and shake your head. "Says you, beautiful! Also, are you already drunk?" You chuckle, knowing she could never pass up any kind of fruity margarita.

"Not yet! I was waiting for you!" She giggles excitedly and drags you closer to the table your team was occupying.

"Look who made it!" Derek calls out and grins, a half-empty glass of negroni in front of him.

You slowly shuffle toward the only vacant spot that was coincidentally beside Aaron, narrowing your eyes playfully at your beaming friend. "I knew you'd come kicking down my door if I didn't turn up."

Derek simply picks up his glass and cheers to your words, not even bothering to deny it. Shaking your head a bit, you place your bag in your lap and brave a glance at Aaron, plastering on a small smile when you meet his gaze.

"You look beautiful." Aaron says to you in a low voice, his entire attention focused on you.

"Oh, thank you, sir..." You say bashfully, eyes scanning his face and dropping down to the pink cocktail JJ's sliding to you with a subtle wink.

Aaron tilts his head a smidge and smiles at you fondly. "How many times have I told you that you can just call me Aaron? Or Hotch, at the very least."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Aaron." You say a bit shyly, taking a sip from the cocktail and praying no one takes notice of your shaky hand. "Uhm... I'm surprised you came out tonight."

Aaron leans his elbows on the table, keeping his head turned to face you. It was sinful the way his muscles were flexing, and you really couldn't escape the sight of the defined veins running down his forearms.

His large, calloused hands kept calling for your attention and you could only force yourself to look away from them when he responded to you.

"Well, I thought it would nice to celebrate a bit."

You nod at his explanation and gaze at him. "You... you look really nice." Your voice is soft and barely audible over the booming laughter and upbeat music echoing around the bar.

Aaron seems pleased by your words, his eyes twinkling as he chuckles and smiles almost boyishly. "Thank you, sweetheart."

Your entire face blossoms with warmth as you hear the pet name, mouth parting a bit in surprise as you try to muster up a response. Luckily, you're saved when Penelope loudly announces that everyone is doing a round of shots, leaving no room for argument.

The rest of the night is filled with endless laughter and tall glasses of colorful cocktails, leading Penelope and Derek to quickly get tipsy, hitting the dance floor together before you're even through with your first drink. You and Aaron decide to opt out of drinking too much, with the man being completely sober by the time midnight rolls around.

It's not long before you find that your entire team, save for Aaron, are scattered around somewhere in the bar. You glance at the man and find him already gazing at you, expression soft and adoring. It was clear that he was growing a bit weary the longer the night dragged on, and you couldn't understand why he was forcing himself to stay.

"Are you the designated driver?" You ask and smile kindly at him, knowing everyone else on the team would be sloshed by the time they had the sense to call it a night.

Aaron nods and he leans a bit closer to you, shoulders sagging tiredly. "Seems like it." He pauses before sighing almost bashfully. "To be honest, I lied to you earlier about why I came out tonight."

"Huh, why?" You ask and tilt your head, your heart racing a bit as he licks his lips nervously.

"Because... Well, the reason I decided to come tonight was because of you." He states quietly, eyes gazing at you fondly. "I'm tired of waiting."

You stay silent, eyes wide as you try to process his words.

"May I kiss you?" He finally whispers, eyes flickering from yours and down to your lips.

Without hesitating, you surge forward and lock your lips with his, hands resting against his firm chest. Aaron reciprocates immediately, one of his hands moving to your waist while the other rests against the back of your head, gently keeping you close.

Kissing Aaron feels magnetic, every movement flowing into something more intense as neither of you can help but draw closer to one another. His hand squeezes your waist as his nose nudges against yours, his lips relentless in their pursuit of yours.

When you finally pull back a little for air, you grow a bit shy as you see the string of saliva between you both.

"I like you." You whisper, hands rubbing against the material of his polo shirt.

He chuckles breathlessly and pulls you closer to him by your hip. "I like you too, honey." His arm wraps around you and your eyes close instinctively, feeling yourself becoming addicted to his lips already.

Neither of you see your team members cheering from across the bar as they see Aaron dive in for more kisses from you, movements akin to that of a starved man.

When they finally stumble back to the table a mere ten minutes later, no one says anything for a second as they all realize you're both long gone.

Emily groans softly and plops down in one of the chairs. "Did Hotch forget he was our ride home?"

Derek grunts and picks up a pink sticky note on the table, your penmanship a bit sloppy as if you had written on it in a rush.

'Called cabs for you guys! JJ, I called Will. Text us when you guys get home safely x'

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotch x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds aaron #criminal minds aaron imagine

1K notes · View notes

fozmeadows · 2 years

Text

tools not rules: the importance of critical thinking

More than once, I’ve talked about the negative implications of Evangelical/purity culture logic being uncritically replicated in fandom spaces and left-wing discourse, and have also referenced specific examples of logical overlap this produces re, in particular, the policing of sexuality. What I don’t think I’ve done before is explain how this happens: how even a well-intentioned person who’s trying to unlearn the toxic systems they grew up with can end up replicating those systems. Even if you didn’t grow up specifically in an Evangelical/purity context, if your home, school, work and/or other social environments have never encouraged or taught you to think critically, then it’s easy to fall into similar traps - so here, hopefully, is a quick explainer on how that works, and (hopefully) how to avoid it in the future.

Put simply: within Evangelism, purity culture and other strict, hierarchical social contexts, an enormous value is placed on rules, and specifically hard rules. There might be a little wiggle-room in some instances, but overwhelmingly, the rules are fixed: once you get taught that something is bad, you’re expected never to question it. Understanding the rules is secondary to obeying them, and oftentimes, asking for a more thorough explanation - no matter how innocently, even if all you’re trying to do is learn - is framed as challenging those rules, and therefore cast as disobedience. And where obedience is a virtue, disobedience is a sin. If someone breaks the rules, it doesn’t matter why they did it, only that they did. Their explanations or justifications don’t matter, and nor does the context: a rule is a rule, and rulebreakers are Bad.

In this kind of environment, therefore, you absorb three main lessons: one, to obey a rule from the moment you learn it; two, that it’s more important to follow the rules than to understand them; and three, that enforcing the rules means castigating anyone who breaks them. And these lessons go deep: they’re hard to unlearn, especially when you grow up with them through your formative years, because the consequences of breaking them - or even being seen to break them - can be socially catastrophic.

But outside these sorts of strict environments - and, honestly, even within them - that much rigidity isn’t healthy. Life is frequently far more complex and nuanced than hard rules really allow for, particularly when it comes to human psychology and behaviour - and this is where critical thinking comes in. Critical thinking allows us to evaluate the world around us on an ongoing basis: to weigh the merits of different positions; to challenge established rules if we feel they no longer serve us; to decide which new ones to institute in their place; to acknowledge that sometimes, there are no easy answers; to show the working behind our positions, and to assess the logic with which other arguments are presented to us. Critical thinking is how we graduate from a simplistic, black-and-white view of morality to a more nuanced perception of the world - but this is a very hard lesson to learn if, instead of critical thinking, we’re taught instead to put our faith in rules alone.

So: what does it actually look like, when rule-based logic is applied in left-wing spaces? I’ll give you an example:

Sally is new to both social justice and fandom. She grew up in a household that punished her for asking questions, and where she was expected to unquestioningly follow specific hard rules. Now, though, Sally has started to learn a bit more about the world outside her immediate bubble, and is realising not only that the rules she grew up with were toxic, but that she’s absorbed a lot of biases she doesn’t want to have. Sally is keen to improve herself. She wants to be a good person! So Sally joins some internet communities and starts to read up on things. Sally is well-intentioned, but she’s also never learned how to evaluate information before, and she’s certainly never had to consider that two contrasting opinions could be equally valid - how could she have, when she wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and when she was always told there was a singular Right Answer to everything? Her whole framework for learning is to Look For The Rules And Follow Them, and now that she’s learned the old rules were Bad, that means she has to figure out what the Good Rules are.

Sally isn’t aware she’s thinking of it in these terms, but subconsciously, this is how she’s learned to think. So when Sally reads a post explaining how sex work and pornography are inherently misogynistic and demeaning to women, Sally doesn’t consider this as one side of an ongoing argument, but uncritically absorbs this information as a new Rule. She reads about how it’s always bad and appropriative for someone from one culture to wear clothes from another culture, and even though she’s not quite sure of all the ways in which it applies, this becomes a Rule, too. Whatever argument she encounters first that seems reasonable becomes a Rule, and once she has the Rules, there’s no need to challenge them or research them or flesh out her understanding, because that’s never been how Rules work - and because she’s grown up in a context where the foremost way to show that you’re aware of and obeying the Rules is to shame people for breaking them, even though she’s not well-versed in these subjects, Sally begins to weigh in on debates by harshly disagreeing with anyone who offers up counter-opinions. Sometimes her disagreements are couched in borrowed terms, parroting back the logic of the Rules she’s learned, but other times, they’re simply ad hominem attacks, because at home, breaking a Rule makes you a bad person, and as such, Sally has never learned to differentiate between attacking the idea and attacking the person.

And of course, because Sally doesn’t understand the Rules in-depth, it’s harder to explain them to or debate with rulebreakers who’ve come armed with arguments she hasn’t heard before, which makes it easier and less frustrating to just insult them and point out that they ARE rulebreakers - especially if she doesn’t want to admit her confusion or the limitations of her knowledge. Most crucially of all, Sally doesn’t have a viable framework for admitting to fault or ignorance beyond a total groveling apology that doubles as a concession to having been Morally Bad, because that’s what it’s always meant to her to admit you broke a Rule. She has no template for saying, “huh, I hadn’t considered that,” or “I don’t know enough to contribute here,” or even “I was wrong; thanks for explaining!”

So instead, when challenged, Sally remains defensive: she feels guilty about the prospect of being Bad, because she absolutely doesn’t want to be a Bad Person, but she also doesn’t know how to conceptualise goodness outside of obedience. It makes her nervous and unsettled to think that strangers could think of her as a Bad Person when she’s following the Rules, and so she becomes even more aggressive when challenged to compensate, clinging all the more tightly to anyone who agrees with her, yet inevitably ending up hurt when it turns out this person or that who she thought agreed on What The Rules Were suddenly develops a different opinion, or asks a question, or does something else unsettling.

Pushed to this sort of breaking point, some people in Sally’s position go back to the fundamentalism they were raised with, not because they still agree with it, but because the lack of uniform agreement about What The Rules Are makes them feel constantly anxious and attacked, and at least before, they knew how to behave to ensure that everyone around them knew they were Good. Others turn to increasingly niche communities and social groups, constantly on paranoid alert for Deviance From The Rules. But other people eventually have the freeing realisation that the fixation on Rules and Goodness is what’s hurting them, not strangers with different opinions, and they steadily start to do what they wanted to do all along: become happier, kinder and better-informed people who can admit to human failings - including their own - without melting down about it.

THIS is what we mean when we talk about puritan logic being present in fandom and left-wing spaces: the refusal to engage with critical thinking while sticking doggedly to a single, fixed interpretation of How To Be Good. It’s not always about sexuality; it’s just that sexuality, and especially queerness, are topics we’re used to seeing conservatives talk about a certain way, and when those same rhetorical tricks show up in our fandom spaces, we know why they look familiar.

So: how do you break out of rule-based thinking? By being aware of it as a behavioural pattern. By making a conscious effort to accept that differing perspectives can sometimes have equal value, or that, even if a given argument isn’t completely sound, it might still contain a nugget of truth. By trying to be less reactive and more reflective when encountering positions different to your own. By accepting that not every argument is automatically tied to or indicative of a higher moral position: sometimes, we’re just talking about stuff! By remembering that you’re allowed to change your position, or challenge someone else’s, or ask for clarification. By understanding that having a moral code and personal principles isn’t at odds with asking questions, and that it’s possible - even desirable - to update your beliefs when you come to learn more than you did before.

This can be a scary and disquieting process to engage in, and it’s important to be aware of that, because one of the main appeals of rule-based thinking - if not the key appeal - is the comfort of moral certainty it engenders. If the rules are simple and clear, and following them is what makes you a good person, then it’s easy to know if you’re doing the right thing according to that system. It’s much, much harder and frequently more uncomfortable to be uncertain about things: to doubt, not only yourself, but the way you’ve been taught to think. And especially online, where we encounter so many more opinions and people than we might elsewhere, and where we can get dogpiled on by strangers or go viral without meaning to despite our best intentions? The prospect of being deemed Bad is genuinely terrifying. Of course we want to follow the Rules. But that’s the point of critical thinking: to try and understand that rules exist in the first place, not to be immutable and unchanging, but as tools to help us be better - and if a tool becomes defunct or broken, it only makes sense to repair it.

Rigid thinking teaches us to view the world through the lens of rules: to obey first and understand later. Critical thinking teaches us to use ideas, questions, contexts and other bits of information as analytic tools: to put understanding ahead of obedience. So if you want to break out of puritan thinking, whenever you encounter a new piece of information, ask yourself: are you absorbing it as a rule, or as a tool?

#critical thinking #logic #rhetoric #purity culture #fandom #evangelism #hierarchy #thinking

10K notes · View notes

theglassesgirl · 13 days

Text

Calypso vs Antinous: A Tale of Two Villains

I know this is such a weird topic for me to come back for after not blogging for months, especially I’ve never spoken on this fandom here, as opposed to TikTok. But precisely BECAUSE tiktok is so limiting, even if you make various videos on a topic, someone won’t have all the context and the comment system of that app is pure ass so here I am

Calypso and Antinous are two (out of three!) of the MAJOR villains in the Wisdom Saga, however, both these villains have produced polarizing discourse that has fascinated yet confounded me. On Calypo’s end, she is a villain who many are made upset by when she is interpreted as the villain she is (in varying degrees). On Antinous’s end, he is a villain who many are made upset by when he is interpreted as anything BUT the villain he is (in various extremes). What on earth happened here?

I’ll try to dissect what has transpired as i have come to understand both situations.

PLEASE try to read through the end, but if you like, you are also more than welcome to just focus on one section if you don’t care for both discourses or how i think one affects the other. I totally get it. KEEP IN MIND, that i might speak about something you haven’t PERSONALLY seen, but as i often say in fandom, just because YOU didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it didn’t HAPPEN. It adds context to why/how certain fans are reacting as they are. You could be in one camp, and never have seen what the other camp has, so at any point where youre reading and saying to yourself “is this a thing that happened?” Consider that it did indeed, happen, and you are welcome to expand your knowledge on the subject.

ANY comments that go “you have no idea what your talking about/this isn’t true/i’ve never seen this/when did this happen(sarcastically)” will not be answered and you will be blocked, because it is clear you are not actually open to discussion. You’ve made up your mind about these characters and topics, and my time, at least, is valuable.

GENUINE questions like “I didn’t know this/when did this happen (genuine)/can you explain this point more” are more than welcome. I will absolutely entertain character interpretation as well, so long as we’re not trying to “convince” one another, as that isn’t the point of this post. These are two villains who i find fascinating and am wondering why are being treated so differently in discourse spaces.

For Calypso:

I truly and HONESTLY believe that because Calypso is a unique (and lovable! Mind you!) villain, it had led to many of her newer fans to feel uncomfortable with her role in the story. I have seen numerous sides of her discourse and have come with a few iron-clad rules: it is ONLY acceptable to call someone out if they are harassing Wangui, calypo’s VA (which has NOT happened as i am writing this out) OR if an anti-calypso comes into SOMEONE ELSE’s post saying anything like “if you like calypso then you condone her actions” because as what we sane people know, that is just a silly fallacy, OR if they start shit in a cosplayers/fanfic writer/fanartists comment section. ASIDE from these instances, i will be speaking on what none sense has transpired about how Calypso is portrayed in the Musical within her first song, and her future song, because BOTH have been used for utter bias.

A few things to debunk:

FIRST Calypso is NOT cursed to fall in love with anyone who comes across her island. That is a Percy Jackson ONLY addition that has no bearings on her actions in the musical or the original poem.

ALSO though Calypso CANONICALLY RAPES Odysseus for seven years in the original poem, the CHILDREN from that abuse only really exist in secondary sources/works. They NOT in the original poem.

Having said that:

The Ambiguity of Calypso’s actions in both of her songs means that everyone is right when they speculate on what she has done. Odysseus was trapped on her island against HIS will for seven years. He is canonically seen refusing her advances, trying to kill himself, and begging her to let him go and leave him alone. These are UNDISPUTED facts. As such, regardless of how YOU personally choose to interpret Calypso actions, she will always have a CANONICAL victim in the musical. I feel people are forgetting Odysseus when they speak on Calypso and that’s the whole point of her existence in the poem and the musical.

This leads directly into WHY there has been arguments about Calypso’s character. In the POEM, she very much sexually assaults Odysseus for seven long years. He is seen crying nightly and begging to be free. In the MUSICAL, Jorge has decided to leave the situation ambiguous - which, i have seen, does not sit well with current fandom culture. NEW fans of Calypso seem to be very adamant about NOT interpreting Calypso as a rapist, in levels that range for they’re just not comfy with it so decided not to head canon her as such, to other very concerningly speaking about rape survivors in such a way to justify liking a villain when you dont HAVE to justify liking a villain at any point at all ever.

Let’s break it down.

Those who just don’t like the idea of Calypso being a rapist in the MUSICAL are valid. It’s very easy to block and avoid those who have chosen to explore this aspect of her in the musical because they can and are allowed to. I am very pro-finding a space in fandom where you can talk about Calypso without HAVING to mention she might have raped someone. She’s still a villain for having kept Odysseus captive for seven years, but it’s not important. You are more than allowed to love villains, and without the rape aspect, Calypso’s villainy boils down to her physiological and emotionally torturing Odysseus while physically kidnapping him. That’s still ALOT of bad stuff to unpack, if you so want to. You could also not want to! It doesn’t hurt anyone, and anyone who says it does is not being intellectually honest.

The PROBLEM that I’m seeing, is that many of her newer fans…DONT want Calypso to be seen as a villain. At all. Which…is not how fandom works, I’m sorry to say.

While some EPIC fans have interpreted Calypso of being manipulative / selfish even in their most sympathetic analysis of the story (and the current song), others are treating these interpretation as wholly incorrect and somehow a form of harassment. The main caveat to this reaction appears to be, as TikTok puts it, “That Calypso DOESN’T SA Odysseus on the musical”

As we have pointed out, Calypso canonically rapes Odysseus in the poem, while it’s ambiguous in the musical. As we have ALSO pointed out, the ambiguity of the musical allow ALL INTERPRETATIONS to be correct. Something about the RAPE aspect of Calypso’s characterization in this musical, however, is the primary reason this discourse has happened.

Now, as i have said earlier. You are in your RIGHT to not head canon Calypso has a rapist in the musical. In the same vein others also have a RIGHT to head canon Calypso AS a rapist in the musical. But from what I’ve seen, it’s when others interpret Calypso as a rapist that newer Calypso fans leave comments about they’re not “interpreting the story correctly” and not “Judging calypso based on Jorge’s vision” and at first i found it funny…now it’s a bit concerning.

There are two instances that come to mind. One tiktoker made a video where she was in tears saying that it made HER SAD that people were “judging Calypso wholly based on outside sources material” which is disingenuous. As i have said before, even without the RAPE aspect of Calypso, which i will go further into what her newer fans consider “rape”, she is still an antagonist within the musical - she is a villain who keeps Odysseus against his will. To claim that they are calling her a villain for that reason alone is a blatant and useless addition to the discourse. I did not care for it at all. It would have been MUCH MORE constructive for this tiktoker to say that even though Calypso is a villain, the sexual assault is up to individual interpretation, and as all interpretations are valid, it’s better to find people who agree with your head canons rather than start fights with people who don’t share yours. This tiktoker very poorly worded the discourse as a one-sided thing where one side is wrong, and that is simply not true.

ANOTHER tiktoker, who wisely turned off comments because such discussions are impossible on the app, worryingly claimed that a line in Not Sorry for Loving You was absolute PROOF that Calypso did not “rape” Odysseus so it was wrong to interpret her as such, because, and this is a loose quotation “i don’t think Jorge would make Odysseus say something like that HAD Calypso done that to him” which unfortunately leaves fandom discourse into REAL WORLD victim discourse. Holy shit. The line she is referring to is when Odysseus calms Calypso down when she is in the middle of explaining her actions by saying “Calypso i love you, but not the way you want me to” to this tiktoker, it seems illogical for a rape victim to every say these kinds of things to their rapist…which is….NOT it. At all. Fiction, as beautiful as it is, is meant for you to QUESTION “huh…how would this impossible fictional scenario work? What makes this compelling?” It is NOT meant for you to attribute your REAL WORLD assumptions onto a FICTIONAL SCENARIO in order to justify you liking a villain character when you dont HAVE to justify it. You can like Calypso! It’s only weird when you make real-world comparisons like this because a rape victim can and HAS said as much and even more to their rapists in known history. *bonks you* dont do what this person did! Fiction allows you to explore situation that would be traumatizing outside of it in as safe and consensual way! You CANNOT and should NOT ascribe your personal biases on sensitive topics for FICTIONAL characters. That’s not how this works. “real victim wouldn’t x, so fictional wouldn’t y” is a ludicrous statement! You can’t back it up with facts! “Fictional victim does x, so i wonder if there ever would be a situation where a real victim would do y, and would like educate myself on the topic” IS what fiction was made for! OPENing your mind, not closing it for stupid reasons.

But it got me thinking. BECAUSE these fans anchor their arguments on the rape of Odysseus, even when they themselves DONT consider it, what exactly do they consider rape, and why is that ONE act Calypso may or may not do the ONLY reason to call her a villain when she is one, regardless.

Well, I’ve seen a lot of back and forth. Some anti-calypso’s are okay with the idea that Calypso is more of a “kissy-face” monster, a silly villain who, having no concept of what actual love is and what your supposed to do with someone you love, thinks hugging and kissing is the only thing on the table. It still makes this version of Calypso something of a sex pest and is still in line with sexual assault as we see Odysseus is miserable. The gravity of the situation is based entirely on funny fanfics to Odysseus canonically trying to kill himself because of Calypso’s affection. This interpretation (shockingly enough) is also hated by some new Calypso fans.

Because from what i have gathered. “SA” as used in TikTok, had been boiled down to a literal forced insertion of Odysseus’s dick in Calypso’s vagina. Not the literal words “sexual assault” which is an umbrella term for multiple things. But in this discourse “SA” has JUST been used for the ACT of rape itself. That is what new Calypso fans think is criminal. That is what they entirely base her villainy on. Because we will NEVER get confirmation on whether this happened, it’s impossible to engage with some of the newer fans, who dislike attributing Calypso with the villain title because of this one thing and this one thing alone. Any other line, from Calypso saying “and I’m sorry if i pushed you, or if i came on too strong” in her next song, or even her saying “in bed we will climb” is, for some reason, not grounds for others to be allowed to interpret her as, at the very least, assaulting Odysseus physically and sexually in a way without having to have actually raped him. It boggles my mind. Truly. But every argument i have seen has boiled down to the newer fans saying “welllllll, we dont know the context, and Odysseus said —“ when i have already explained that none of that matters. All interpretations are valid. You CANNOT say with certainty that she did or didn’t rape Odysseus. That’s the POINT. You can’t PROVE either, stop TRYING to, it’s YOUR choice and your interpretation can be backed by lyrics/official animatics, but it is hardly an absolute.

It has become a GROWING problem that in videos where Calypso is portrayed negatively, there are at least a dozen newer calypso fans who have to bring up how she is sympathetic, and therefore, not a villain. Which is not true. She is the MOST compelling villain in the epic musical, thus far.

These “fans” say that she absolutely didn’t rape Odysseus which is theory, not fact. And not a theory that can become fact. In the same way that saying she absolutely did rape is can not become fact. They appear to believe everything outside of this hypothetical act, nothing else she does is deserving of her title as a villain, and start arguments in non discourse posts about all the ways she’s sympathetic when it goes hand in hand with what makes her a compelling villain antagonist.

There’s also a newer cope saying that it’s all Zeus’s fault anyway, which has NO bearings on the conversation as, again, despite Zeus being a dick and allowing Odysseus live while not necessarily enabling him returning to Ithaca, it’s still up to Calypso on how she acts towards HER captive. And she straight up chooses violence lmao. Athena asks for “Devine intervention” to an impossible situation, regardless of if it was Zeus’s actions that led to it, it’s also up to him to “untie apprehensions” because Calypso, being a goddess, has complete control over whether Odysseus can leave and SHE won’t. She has to be ORDERD to. By a HIGHER power. Zeus.

Such argumentations as “well if YOU were in Calypso’s situation, wouldn’t you also do the same” are useless fallacies to get into, because you are NOT a goddess who owns an island and is in possession of a man who does not love you. Even if you were, guess what, it still makes you the antagonist. A villain. A knowing one or not.

In fact, since I LIKE interpretations that Calypso isn’t psychologically torturing Odysseus ON PURPOSE, i go as far as to say that her being a genuine goddess who wants love is in fact…..so much more painful, narratively. Because that means she is INCAPABLE of ever being a good person. Her loneliness and fear of being unloved makes her utterly blind to Odysseus’s misery. She HEARS him saying constantly that he misses his family, that all he hears are screams, and that SHE doesn’t know him, but she in turn CANNOT get passed this because she is, at her core, unable to, and thus accidentally triggers him constantly, is delusional about her island being paradise, AND convinces herself that her love is real (when it is not) and that Oddy will love her back if she keeps trying.

THAT is what you call a compelling villain!

As in all Calypso stories. There is NEVER a moment of clarity where Calypso realizes “if i actually love this person, i should let him go” in the musical HERMES is tasked in telling her to let him go. And she, as in all her other stories, goes on a tirade to explain/justify her actions, however you wish to see her being manipulative or honest. Regardless of how you choose to SEE calypso, at the end of the day, she has NO RIGHT to be upset at Odysseus because he was her captive. And REGARDLESS of whether Odysseus’s words are interpreted as him forgiving her, or just placating her, at the end of the day, he is her victim and she ends her next song upset that he is willingly leaving her once he got the chance. With absolutely no hope of him returning her feelings. It’s not his job to make her feel better, she IS an antagonist, and you are allowed to love her no matter how that might upset others. It is ONLY a problem when you take it to such extremes that you are in other peoples comments acting as if Calypso is a real person who needs defending. You are more than in your right to block people who come into YOUR videos accusing you of somehow being a bad person because you like a bad person. That’s not how fiction works.

Once again. My analysis of the Calypso debacle is that for some, calling Calypso a villain upsets them. Because they like her, and they are uncomfortable with the idea of liking a villain. This is a personal grievance that shouldn’t boil into fandom. Know your truth, have fun. You CAN make silly calypso videos. Many have. Her song is a bop, the meaning of the song is hilariously dark compared to the composition. Jorge did his job VERY well. Too well, that the idea of liking Calypso feels either / or when it’s not. TRUST that i would not be on the side of anyone who says “if you like calypso, youre evil”, but I HAVE seen a pattern that because Calypso is likable, than several people have made it their confused mission to tell everyone who is “mean to her” that “if you DISLIKE calypso, YOU are evil”. That’s bizarre to me. Calypso does enough evil actions in the musical to warrant that title regardless of the reasons for her actions, whether she is being purposely malicious or unconsciously so due to her lack of socialization. Being weird about real life SA survivors for a fictional character is never acceptable. For or against Calypso, whether she is a rapist or not, it is up to YOU to find like minded people who share your interpretation, not to argue with people who disagree with you in their own space. She isn’t real. Get over it.

ANYONE WHO HARASSES WAGNUI, COSPLAYERS, OR GOES INTO POSITIVE CALYPSO INTERPRETATION SPACES TO BE PURPOSELY MEAN* ARE WRONG. Otherwise. Leave them alone, they are as valid as you are. “Defending” a character is a waste of time when you could be creating for them. Calypso is a compelling villian antagonist regardless of how uwu or vile you choose to make her. Thus is the beauty of fiction.

(*purposely mean, would, logically, be someone calling you an idiot or a rape apologist for headcanoning her in a positive way. The ideal interaction with a negative calypso interpreter would be “i dont see her this way, but i understand/like your headcanon”)

WHICH BRINGS US TO Antinous:

Hilariously enough. Antinous has the complete INVERSE problem as Calypso, which was also detailed in her section for fairness sake at multiple points, and this problem is much easier to understand. Antinous is a villian antagonist in the musical Epic, and in his debut in the wisdom saga, he is shown (like calypso) to be in direct opposition to Telemachus and Penelope’s goal.

He alludes to sexual assault much more clearly than calypso. He calls Penelope a tramp to her son’s face AND suggests he let them into her room “so [they] can have fun with her” which is in the same vein as calypso saying “soon in bed we will climb” to Odysseus later on that “you (Odysseus) are mine all mine” in her own song. Like calypso, it is told to us that Antinous has been having this kind of vibe for FIVE YEARS* (a fan pointed this out to me! read here🙏🏼) as opposed to calypso’s seven years. Everyone is, usually, in agreement that Antinous is a villain in the wisdom saga and in the overall Epic musical.

Antinous’s VA is ON TikTok, and has spoken about how happy he is that fans consider him a talented person who did a spectacular rendition of such a villainous character. AND YET.

Inversely from what we saw in the Calypso section, where some of her fans are against the notion of her being portrayed as the antagonist she is, for Antinous we have MANY fans claiming that others are not ALLOWED to portray him as anything BUT an antagonist. Unlike with Calypso, where people circularly argue that her allusions to sexual assault are “too ambigous” and lead to much senseless debate on whether you’re “allowed” to like her or call her a villian, with ANTINOUS, there is this claim that he ABSOLUTELY is alluded to sexual assault and therefore, cannot be liked or treated as anything other than a villain.

As i have discussed AT LENGTH in Calypso’s section, this argumentation is pure fallacy.

There have been NUMEROUS thirst videos that have rightfully said that DESPITE the actions of the character, they still think Antinous is hot and likable (the Gaston affect, if you will). Even WITHOUT the disclaimer, it is OF COURSE understood that Antinous fans are NOT rape apologists. That is a ridiculous assumption that serves only to kill any interpretation that someone else can rightfully have.

It’s utterly devoid of nuance or actual knowledge of how to play within fandom and interact w characters.

There have been SEVERAL posts calling Antinous fans delusional for liking him and “reminding” the fandom that he is a bad guy. This serves no purpose and is utterly useless to the discourse. Antinous being a bad guy is not debated. This is factual. It doesn’t (or shouldn’t, because we cannot speak in absolutes) hurt anyone’s feelings to see an Antinous videos depicting him as the villain he is. Like with Calypso it is ONLY acceptable to call someone out if they are harassing Ayron Alexander, Antinous’s VA (which has NOT happened as i am writing this out) OR if an anti-Antinous comes into SOMEONE ELSE’s post saying anything like “if you like Antinous then you condone his actions” because as what we sane people know, that is just a silly fallacy, OR if they start shit in a cosplayers/fanfic writer/fanartists comment section.

Otherwise. Who cares that someone is saying Antinous is a villain? Block the no fun police and enjoy analysis from others who choose to see him purely as what he is, if you want. If you dont, block them to, it’s your space. You have a RIGHT to headcanon Antinous however you want, even make up AUs for him where he’s nice or lives and gets a happy ending, SO LONG AS you’re not in other people’s posts going actually Antie is my uwu child and he did nothing wrong. Cuz then youre just being dumb. And annoying. Fandom is already impatient with genuine disagreement, being a smart ass gets your head dunked in a toilet. I used to think this was common sense.

(And in case you didn’t read the Calypso section, or didn’t see enough of it there, this IS the appropriate response to people who address newer fans of her as rape apologists too, its in her section, i just also thought it was important to touch on the stranger phenomena of her other fans refusing to call her a villain because it makes them personally uncomfortable - it’s very interesting as Calypso is a female antagonist while Antinous being a male antagonist is being treated very differently for the same subject. In any case, it’s a disservice to either character and Jorge’s narrative to get upset about the very real fact that BOTH of these characters are villain antagonists.)

The very CURRENT discourse surrounding Antinous is that he was recently shipped with Telemachus.

The animator for Apollo’s section of God Games was harassed to such a point that she had to make a public apology regarding her ALTERNATE UNIVERSE scenario. And i, personally, think that’s bullshit.

There have been accusations that she was being insensitive to sexual assault survivors, and that she made a dark joke, all of which she addressed in her apology IN ADDITION to her explaining that she is ALSO a survivor of child sexual assault. She took down her work. DESPITE all of this, there are still others who continue to harass her, and claim that they dont want “a rape creator” in THEIR fandom. To those people: you don’t speak for any of us. In the same way you can claim not to believe that the animator is a survivor, i have no reason to consider your concerns in any way shape or form as being in service of victims. It is absolutely not your call, when blocking and scrolling on will ALWAYS be an option for YOU.

Even in the event someone writes Antonio’s fan fiction keeping his canon personality and characterization in a non-canon divergent way it is not grounds to harass people.

In addition to this animator, there have been SEVERAL Antinous shippers who have expressed disappointment that she was essentially harassed into a corner, as they also liked the ship and the AU she created. These people are NOT “weird” they are allowed to express themselves creatively, and if you disagree, dont even bother with leaving any sort of response — i wont read it, my time is important. Stay in your echo chamber. Even if it wasn’t an AU, and someone wants to write for Antinous as he is in the narrative, they are more than allowed to do so. Dark fiction isn’t going to traumatize you or give you cooties. Grow up.

I am MUCH more willing to ride with Antinous shippers than i ever will be with fans who attempt to control how a character is interpreted by others. Because to ship Antinous with anyone, AU or otherwise, you have to have an UNDERSTANDING of why this would be a compelling thing to write/make fanart for. He is an evil character, and it would be FASCINATING to see him in fictional scenarios that (like in the calypso section) lead us to as WHY this would be an appealing and interesting take on someone. It’s OKAY to do it in fiction. He isn’t REAL. It’s not hurting EVERYONE. And more so than with calypso, it IS understood that Antinous HAS victims in Penelope and Telemachus There’s no senseless debate on what he is, a villain, no one is arguing he is a uwu babygirl so please sympathize w him, it’s inherently understood even among his FANS.

This is why find Antonio’s and Calypso’s discourses so polarizing. Because no one is getting offended or arguing that Antinous only acts villainously because of some tragic backstory or sympathetic reason. It would be absurd to.

That’s the appeal of a lovable villain. Because like Calypso, Antinous IS lovable, but in such a different way that you have fans treating both characters as if they’re polar opposite when at the very LEAST, there’s on the same bracket, just different ends of them. Telemachus/Penelope and Odysseus’s plights are being MIRRORED in parallel.

THAT is what floors me about these two discourses. That they are functionally THE SAME yet are being treating as if they aren’t. I’m positive that there is an Antinous fan who detests Calypso in the same way there is a Calypso fan who detests Antinous. These are called biases. Once you KNOW your own bias, it is up to YOU to act right according to them.

You are responsible for your OWN fyp.

The Epic fandom had yet to experience such backwards discourse as this, and I wouldn’t expect Jorge or any of the VAs to dignify such trivial discourse with a response. If you’re the type to bring it up to them, you’re being awful. The popular fandom Epic tiktokers are already way too involved as it is. And even they are getting things wrong.

It almost feels remiss to say that in the NARRATIVE of the musical, both Calypso and Antinous are villian antagonists, while outside of the narrative they become dolls you can play with however you like, so long as we are not in each others comments being obtuse. I don’t expect any of my essay to even make it to a larger part of the fandom. But i HAD to get my ideas written down, because if you don’t see someone else connecting the dots you have, you have to present them yourself. Very “can’t we all just get along?” But hopefully, not as insufferable nor one-sides as others might have been. I tried to bring up ideas/points that i have not seen discussed about these two villains and why they seem to connect and go hand in hand.

Why is Calypso, as a female antagonist, given more grace than Antinous, a male antagonist, who is very firmly given none at all. It very well could be just how they were presented, and if so, ask yourself WHY these villains were presented so differently. What purpose do they serve? What are they trying to accomplish? These are questions more suited for actual fandom collaboration that is being drowned out by circular arguements. It feels like homework, instead of knee-jerk reacting to interpretations unlike your own.

To ME, these two characters are two sides of the same coin. (though I DO think it’s funny that the NEUTRAL phrase to refer to either character is “I hate them BUT” because in reasonable fandoms, this is understood inherently….but in this fandom such decorum seems to be lost? For some reason?? Wisdom saga has brought out a lack of wisdom, I fear.) This is the kind of purity culture that suggest you can’t LIKE a character of their a villain, so you go out of your way to argue they aren’t, or that no one else should like them: that’s bonkers. You might disagree and it might even upset you, but that’s a you problem to have.

Having said that, and if you are POSITIVE that you want to engage in conversation with me, you are welcome to do so.

#epic the musical #epic the wisdom saga #epic calypso #epic antinous #epic telemachus #epic odysseus #purity culture #the way calypso and atinous would both have identical sections if not for the fact some of her new stans refuse to accept she’s a villain #a hot villain!!!#bonkers to yonkers how liking villains is still a discourse issue lmao

90 notes · View notes

prejacfetish · 11 months

Text

Train Yourself (or a partner) to Cum Faster - Coach Sarah' Method for PE

TL;DR

* Find what tier you're in below

* work towards the next tier

**Introduction**

After posting my first adventure here, I've gotten many, many people asking me to train or coach them one-on-one. Of course, having someone hot, clever, and a little sadistic to train you is the best, but, tragically, the reality is that I am way too busy to coach every person who wants to be coached.

But, these conversations have helped me start to formulate a generic write-up for some of the stuff I would suggest for guys or girls who want to be coached, either to cum faster, to cum helplessly to some specific stimulus, or both. This is my first stab at the former -- coaching to cum faster.

I've never had a "method" before. Every guy or girl I've ever played these sorts of games with I've approached individually, depending on their desires, their past, and what I personally was finding hot when I thought about it.

But I do think there are patterns or defaults that can help, so I've decided to start writing them down and sharing them.

If any of you follow my advice and keep notes, I'd love to hear how it goes! I particularly enjoy public comments, even if they're made with a burner account, because then everyone can benefit from your experience.

**What this guide is and isn't**

This will be an initial attempt at a guide specifically for people (any gender, any genitals) who want to cum faster. This is actually NOT what I do most of the time in my personal life -- most of the time, especially if I'm even occasionally sleeping with the person, I'd much prefer to train them to cum when I want, which might be 30 seconds into making out with them, or not at all. But, since PE Fetish is where I shared my first post, that's what most of your questions have been about, so I figured I'd start there.

So, what are the main goals of making someone cum faster? And what are the things I am not particularly interested in?

Let's get some of the "not interested" things out of the way first.

First, I'm not interested in fantasy, and that's not what this guide is about. I think fantasy captioned images where a guy is cumming in his pants after just seeing a girl in tight pants are great, if that's your thing. More power to ya! But MY thing is doing it in real life, and in real life that sort of thing is both borderline impossible, and also, if it really COULD be achieved, would completely screw up a person's life. Hot in fantasy, but not workable in reality.

Second, for this guide, I'm only interested in "conditioned triggers" in as much as they facilitate cumming faster. The idea of cumming whenever you see pussy or breasts or ass or a fire truck or hear a specific phrase is GREAT, and I LOVE it -- but here it is, at best, of secondary importance.

If you condition yourself to only cum to bare breasts, for example, you're working towards a different goal than strictly "lowering your time" PE. Imagine training to only cum to bare breasts, and it worked perfectly. Does that mean if we were hooking up, and I left my shirt on, you could you go for hours?

Obviously the answer to this is probably "who knows," but the point is that if your goal is just to get faster, a trigger CAN be helpful, but it should be a side dish more than the main course.

(Side note, a variation on this that I applied with Alan in a previous post, and that I have used several times since, is conditioning friends to cum when they see my bare pussy. This is a fun variation on a PE fetish, because it lets you keep a guy hard for as long as you want, but they know they will never be able to fuck you! That's not what I'm covering here, though. Maybe another day!)

So if that's what I DON'T want, what DO I want to achieve with this kind of coaching?

**Goals / What this guide will help you do**

The following three goals, IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE:

1. the person gets better at the learned skill of cumming quickly. week over week, the number of minutes and seconds it takes for them to cum goes down consistently (if not strictly linearly)

2. the person gets better at cumming from less intense VISUAL & mental stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to niche hardcore porn, in week 52 (say) I'd like them to be cumming just as easily to pics of people wearing clothes, or just their imagination.

3. the person gets better at cumming from less intense PHYSICAL stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to jerking off with a death-grip at high speed, or by holding a hitachi directly against their clit, by week 52 (say), I'd like them to be cumming from one finger rubbing their frenulum, or a soft paintbrush or make-up brush on their clit.

This is a key concept, so I'll repeat it: for me, and this guide, I am more interested in lowering times FIRST, decreasing intensity of visual stimulation SECOND, and decreasing physical stimulation THIRD. There can be some wiggle room, and not everything is linear, as I'll explain; but in general I think going from 20 minute jerk-offs (or 4+ hour goon sessions) with a tight grip and nonstop hardcore/niche porn on monday, to trying to "OFM" to girls in baggy clothes in 90 seconds on tuesday, is a recipe for not getting anywhere.

**Three Elements**

That said, progress is always non-linear. So, you'll be working through tiers. For each tier, you will:

1. Get your time down, and keep lowering it consistently

2. Then, start to experiment with less intense visual / mental stimulation

3. Then, start to experiment with less intense physical stimulation

When you are hitting all three benchmarks in a given tier, you'll move on to the next.

Ok those are the goals. Now onto the method.

**Method In Broad Strokes**

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

Again, I've never written this down before, but this is basically what I'm typically, generically doing and thinking about when I'm training a friend (or enemy). I'm not always literally following the exact steps in the exact order, but it's pretty close to what I would do in the broadest of strokes.

(Also, for what it's worth, if anyone works on this constantly I'd love your feedback. I'm inventing these tiers right now based on experience, in order to help people broadly; but in my normal life I'd be setting individual goals for each individual. These might end up being a little "off" and if you find yourself stalling or hitting certain benchmarks more easily than others, I'd love to hear that.

**Tiers**

>**Tier 1 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates 3 or more times per day

>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 2 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates once or twice a day, most days

>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>*Note: from this point and below, the requirement for every tier is "Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week, not more."*

>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration

>Physical stimulation: n/a (*Can be anything, though this is a good place to casually practice a "loose" grip (penis) or less intense or indirect vibrations (if you have a pussy and use a vibrator).*)

>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "a single person" refers to "a single person per video or image." You are keeping to softcore, not fixating on a single individual.*

>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)

>**Tier 8 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 30 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)

>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "street clothes" is subjective. My metric is "an outfit that wouldn't get you kicked out of a typical restaurant where families are present"*

>**Tier 9 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 20 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)

>**Tier 10 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 10 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm without visual stimulation

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with one finger only (penis) or with a make up brush only (vagina)

**Using the Tiers**

Again, the method / pattern is as follows:

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

For the purposes of this guide, you want to look at the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics. That is the tier you are "on." One tier below that is the tier you are "working towards."

Note that I say you need to hit ALL the metrics to be ON a given tier. What happens if you hit some metrics for one tier, but not all the metrics? As you'll see, this will often be the case, and that's a good thing. In every case, you are considered to be on the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics; hitting some metrics for lower tiers is great, but doesn't mean anything in terms of your programing.

For example, lets look at tiers 5 and 6

>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

Lets say you time yourself and are able to cum in 54 seconds while looking at hardcore BDSM porn. You are in Tier 5, working towards tier 6, because while you meet the time metric for tier 6 (good job!), you don't yet meet ALL the metrics.

Let's look at a more extreme example.

>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)

Let's say you consistently masturbate to images of a single person wearing some clothing on top and bottom, like underwear or a swimsuit. Great! You have only recently started timing yourself, and you average about 8 1/2 minutes to climax, with a best-ever time of 5:24.

You are doing awesome, but for the purposes of programing, you should consider yourself at Tier 3, working towards Tier 4. This isn't to diminish your work cumming to less intense visual stimulation! But this guide is about learning to cum faster. Following the tier system, you can stop worrying about less intense visual stimulation for a while, and focus on getting your time down for a while.

Again, as a reminder, this guide isn't one-size fits all. If you think this concept is shit, do whatever you want! I'm not your mom (unless I've explicitly told you to call me Mommy) and you can do whatever you want to do. But this is the GENERAL advice and programing I'd give to a person who wants to achieve the specific goals I outlined above. If you want something else, do something else, I won't be offended.

**Moving Up In Tiers**

**Tiers 1 - 3**

Your goal here is to work from masturbating many times a day to once every other day, or 3 days a week on scheduled days each week. (Either is fine in my opinion -- every other day is probably sightly better in general, but every 3 days can make overcoming plateaus easier so it's mostly a wash.)

* for one week, keep track of how many times you masturbate. (Generally this means orgasm, but if you do a lot of edging, count each 30 minute block as one time)

* At the end of the week make a total for the week.

* Multiply the total by .9. That is your new weekly maximum.

* Divide by 7 to get a daily maximum, if you want to

* for each following week, multiply THE WEEKLY MAXIMUM by .9 to get a new weekly maximum

* Do not multiply the number of times you masturbated by .9, I don't care about that number at all. Reduce the amount you masturbate by as much as you like. Drop down to 3x a week on week 2 if you want. But your weekly maximum goes down by 10% each week regardless.

* You are done with this sequence when you consistently masturbate every other day / on 3 scheduled days a week for 3 consecutive weeks.

*Walking, exercise, and hobbies Side-note*

For people that I coach who masturbate A LOT, their masturbation is often a way of numbing difficult emotions. Simply dropping down in frequency without doing anything else tends, in my experience, to fail spectacularly.

If you masturbate more than 7x a week, you should follow the following sequence as you follow the above sequence:

* when you determine the number of times a week you masturbate, also keep track (precisely or loosely, guesstimates are fine) of the number of MINUTES you masturbate

* As you reduce the number of times you masturbate, you are REQUIRED to replace at least 50% of that time (100% is optimal) with specific other activities.

* Walking is the default activity, and might be the best. This generally means going outside and walking, maybe listening to music or a podcast. If you can't decide, just do this.

* Other activities include any form of exercise, or any hobby where you look at your hands (drawing, journaling, sculpting, ship-in-a-bottle are ok; video games and surfing the internet do not count for this requirement)

**Tiers 4 and beyond**

Again, the method / pattern is as follows:

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

We've now covered 1, 2, and 3. Now we'll work on 4, 5 and 6.

**4A. How to lower your time**

This alone is a helpful and simple method, and I bet some of you who think this guide is WAY too complicated can still benefit from this approach. Here's what you do.

Note: should be self-explanatory, but the following is intended for people who are in tier 4 or higher. If you are masturbating 3x a day, godspeed, but this will probably not be super effective.

Solo Method:

Week 1

* each time you masturbate, time yourself with a STOPWATCH

* \- the timer begins when you touch your genitals, even through clothes (this is to prevent cheating by doing a lot of stimulation through your jeans or whatever, which is counterproductive)

* \- You can look at stimulating stuff at other times, but this may cause you to go crazy or fall off the wagon (hard to advise if you don't have a partner)

* at the end of the week, average the times (add them up and divide by 3 or 4 depending)

* Multiply this number by .9 -- This is your new MAXIMUM TIME

For each following week:

* each time you masturbate, set a TIMER (not a stopwatch) for your MAXIMUM TIME.

* If you orgasm within the maximum time, great! (it's not required, but I think it's good to write down how long you took, eg {max time - time remaining on timer = session time\]

* if you do not orgasm within the maximum time, no problem! stop masturbating and wait until your next session.

* Generally, if you are following the structure, you will always cum either in the first session or the second session. This is considered "good progress"

* At the end of each week, multiply the week's MAXIMUM TIME by .9 to get next weeks new Maximum Time

* Generally there's no need to add up your times and find an average anymore, unless you find yourself consistently beating your maximum times by a huge margin (over 25%) FOR MULTIPLE WEEKS RUNNING.

* When your week's maximum time gets = to or lower than the maximum time for the Tier you are WORKING TOWARDS, set your max time at that time and keep it there.

*Partner Method:*

*As above, but with a partner you can generally go faster, especially if the partner is keeping you in a chastity device. Sometimes I will multiply the max time by other numbers, like .85 or .8, or arbitrarily drop down even lower -- and then in following weeks raise the time similarly arbitrarily. I find a more chaotic approach that trends downward is often more effective and makes my partner feel much more controlled and helpless.*

Within 2 weeks, you will either be cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, most of the time or all of the time, OR, you will be plateaued, only cumming every other time (and likely really frustrated).

If you are pretty consistently cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, keep your max time where it is and move on to decreasing visual stimulation.

If you are plateaued, do the following:

* time yourself with a stopwatch (not a timer)

* masturbate once, with the goal of cumming as fast as you can

* whatever time you get is your temporary max time, which will be consistent as you move on to decreasing visual stimulation.

**4B -** **Decreasing Visual Stimulation**

(This is identical to (but maybe slightly more detailed than) the much-misunderstood "Trigger Method" popular on this subreddit. I hate to even use that term, because people almost always get the wrong idea about what the word "trigger" means. So if you don't know what I'm talking about, just forget the word trigger.)

* keep your maximum time, as above.

* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session

* Look at the requirements for visual stimulation for the tier you are working towards

* Before you start masturbating, pull up something along those lines in another window, browser tab, screen, whatever. We'll call this the LESS STIMULATING stuff.

* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to

* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING stuff while you orgasm

* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING stuff earlier and earlier in the session

* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating stuff and looking at it the whole time.

* There is another more concrete method for this that involves two timers, but that is probably too much for most people's patience.

* DON'T: look at the less stimulating stuff to start with and switch to some other thing later.

* I don't really recommend making the LESS STIMULATING stuff something specific like belly buttons or feet or eye contact or fire hydrants if your goal is to decrease your time. (That can be fun for other games, but outside the scope of this specifci guide.)

* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, move on to decreasing physical stimulation

* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move on to physical stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.

**4C - Decreasing Physical Stimulation**

Much the same as above, but with physical stimulation.

* keep your maximum time, as above.

* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session

* Look at the requirements for physical stimulation for the tier you are working towards

* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to

* while you masturbate, experiment with less intense grip/pressure/lower speed on vibrator

* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING type of touching while you orgasm. Do this until you feel you are cumming normally/strongly with the less intense stimulation

* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING grip/pressure earlier and earlier in the session

* (For people with vaginas, when you are moving from vibrator to fingers, take your time. This tier might be a huge challenge for you! That's fine, be patient, take it slow.)

* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating grip or pressure the whole time.

* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, but are falling short of the tier you are working towards in terms of time or visual stimulation, return to those steps as above. It's okay for progress to be non-linear!

* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move back to visual stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.

Ok, I typed this all out without too much thinking about it or review. I'll probably return to it in a day or two to make refinements and possibly add examples for the last part. And obviously I'll need

Please sound off with questions, in the meantime.

And, good luck! I can't offer direct coaching, but I'd love to hear your progress in the comments.

\-Coach Sarah

#prejac #premature ejaculation

327 notes · View notes

afewproblems · 11 months

Text

Season Two Halloween AU Part Nine

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Synopsis: What if Eddie had been at Tina's Halloween Party in Season Two? Featuring Steve!Whump, Stancy Breakup, and Eddie just trying to keep up with all these new revelations about who King-Steve actually is...

As always, thank you thank you to the lovely Jess @strangersteddierthings for cheering me on, letting me send spoilers, and Steddie screaming with me!

***

Eddie moves, trying to find a comfortable position in the firm plastic hospital chair, letting his legs stretch out into the bulk of the hallway and sliding down the chair.

He won't be able to stay like this for much longer either, but it's worth it for the irritated looks he can feel from the nurses station.

Eddie hadn't been allowed in the room with Steve while he was being assessed, forcing him to wait outside in the hallway.

He can hear them talking, not bothering to be quiet at four in the morning.

"There's no answer, who isn't home at this time of night?"

"Did you try the secondary number?"

"Yes, it's for a business though and all I get is the answering machine for a Richard Harrington".

Eddie frowns, silently agreeing with the first nurse, why the hell aren't they here?

That's when he remembers something Steve had mentioned, so casually, Eddie realizes, feeling a little sick, that his parents wouldn't be home until Thanksgiving this year.

Which is just shy of a month away still, give or take a week.

Just how long have they been gone, he wonders, feeling an anxious pit begin to form in his stomach, and what would that mean for him now?

He's saved from this train of thought for the moment by Hopper appearing at the end of the hall, his heavy step and squeaky boots announcing themselves well before he steps into view.

He looks exhausted, and a little worse for wear, and Eddie has never been happier to see a cop.

He walks past Eddie, though he does spare him a single nod, and makes his way to the nurses station.

"Morning," Hopper says gruffly, his voice crackles as though it's either been used too much or too little recently.

"'M'here about the Harrington kid, we have a few questions for him and his injuries and then I'll be taking him home after his statement".

"Sir, that's not--" one of the Nurses tries, only for Hopper to flash his badge and knock his knuckles once on the top of the desk.

"Which room?" He at least has the decency to ask this time, throwing a thumb over his shoulder.

Eddie hears a long sigh as the other Nurse mutters, '206'; Hopper doesn't even wait for her to finish the word before he's turning on his heel, his boots making a horrible squeak against the linoleum tiles as moves.

He slows to a stop in front of Eddie, finally looking at him, it's always been nerve wracking having the chiefs full attention on him, though there's a rather big difference between now and the last time, down at the station.

"They check you out?" He grumbles to Eddie, his fingers tap a nervous rhythm on his leg.

Eddie shakes his head, "Steve took the brunt of everything tonight".

Hopper nods, his gruff face pinched with something close to worry, but it's gone in an instant.

He looks down the hall at something over Eddie's shoulder and lifts his hand in a muted wave before turning back to Eddie.

"You should head home Munson, I took the liberty of getting you a ride".

Eddie frowns at the words and startles slightly as another person sits down beside him, he hadn't even noticed until Wayne was all of a sudden right there.

Eddie blinks, exhaustion and emotion all encompassing; he feels as though he might sink into the floor or tip forward and fall away from the world right then and there, but Wayne reaches out, clasping his shoulder with his firm warm hand. Like he always does.

"Wayne," Eddie says in a tremulous voice, the weight of the night finally crashes over him, the dogs, Billy, the tunnels, it's too much. The image of Steve crumpling to the floor, shards of ceramic in his hair, plays over and over again.

Eddie's face is wet as Wayne pulls him into his arms, he ignores the way the hospital chair digs into his ribs as he moves.

"S'okay Ed," Wayne whispers, letting his hand rub soothing circles on his back, up and down.

Wayne says something above Eddie's head, most likely to Hopper, but he doesn't care, not now. He focuses on the grounding feeling of being held, the warm comfort of knowing that when he needed it, his uncle was there.

He tries not to think about the fact that it's Hopper in Steve's room rather than his parents.

***

They don’t talk after.

It shouldn’t have been surprising really. After the whirlwind in the tunnels, learning that Dustin really had managed to bond with one of the creatures over a mediocre chocolate bar, and finally, finally, getting Steve to the hospital, it was like everything else was put on the back burner.

The government gives them all NDAs to sign, including Wayne now --how was he not going to tell his uncle after the hospital? The government officials had given Eddie a bit of trouble about it during the debrief about their cover story, until Wayne and Hopper had argued his defense.

The worst part though, about everything, is the pretending.

Pretending that everything is normal, like there aren't monsters from an alternate dimension running around Hawkins, like the government didn't know about the real reason so many people, like Mr.Newby, had died. Pretending that small petty things like his late homework assignments, or who was dating who in the wilds of Hawkins High really mattered.

With that being said, the news that Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers were officially dating now, surged through the school.

Pretending that that news doesn't make Eddie feel relieved was also difficult.

Well, maybe relieved isn't the right word, but after Eddie's half-assed confession before the tunnels, and the stay in the hospital, Steve has been avoiding him.

And if it wasn’t because of Nancy….

Well, Eddie tries not to dwell too much on it.

Two weeks after their trip into the Dismal Caverns, Eddie spots, speak of the devil, Nancy Wheeler leaning on his locker.

The last bell has long past so it's only the stragglers now wandering halls, those waiting for Band Practice to start, those just getting out of detention.

Three guesses which one he's here for.

Eddie hasn't seen or spoken to Nancy since their government meeting, not that either had been particularly chatty that night, but she had at least sent a grateful smile Eddie's way as one of the officials went through the whole story of that night.

So to see her now sets his teeth on edge and his stomach plummeting into his shoes.

Is it back, did something happen to Will, did another Demodog surface?

Is Steve okay?

As if Nancy can see the terrified questions swirling around his head, she raises the hand not holding her books to her chest and says lowly, "everyone's fine".

Eddie lets out the breath he's holding, trying to lower his heart rate, "haven't seen you around these parts Wheeler, don't tell me you need a pick me up?"

He tries for a swarthy smile but it falls flat as the adrenalin from his earlier panic is still running rampant, he runs a sweaty hand through his hair, trying to hide the slight shake.

Nancy rolls her eyes and pushes herself off the locker by her shoulder, tipping her head towards the far back door to the building.

She says nothing as she leads him out of the school and towards his usual picnic table in the trees.

Eddie tugs his leather jacket around his torso as a harsh November breeze kicks up dead leaves and dust around the school building in small whirls. He wishes in this moment he had found a zip up closure rather than one with button snaps.

Eddie laughs nervously as they enter the treeline, "uh huh, you sure you didn't want something?"

Nancy turns to sit on top of the table, her face impassive, "Mrs. Click was still there, in her room, I don't need to have any meetings with her and my parents because they think I'm being corrupted," she lifts her hands and makes exaggerated quotations with her fingers before rolling her eyes again.

"We can talk here," she says primly, setting her books down on the table beside her.

Eddie grins, "you're probably setting yourself up for a meeting with the counselor tomorrow anyway, walking out of the school with me".

He kicks at a bottle cap in the grass and watches as it tumbles a few feet away. When he looks back up, Nancy is staring at him with a pinched brow.

"I'll bite, what's going on?"

Nancy nods and it's like a switch flips, her spine straightens slightly and her shoulders square before a determined expression smoothes out her face, it's eerie how similar it is to Steve's.

"What is he to you?" Nancy asks,

"Who?" Eddie stumbles over the word, already knowing exactly who Nancy is asking about.

She looks around now, prompting Eddie to do the same, just in case.

"I know it isn't," she hesitates for a beat as though searching for the word, "safe to talk about it, but," she blinks once, twice, "that's part of why I'm here, asking".

"I won't see Steve get hurt, not again".

"So," Nancy stands now, gracefully rising to her feet and stepping off the table, she takes a step closer towards Eddie, "what is he to you?"

He has a good five or six inches on her at least but the fire in her blue eyes makes him feel so much smaller in this moment.

Eddie feels a snarl build in his chest, the words tumbling out before he can get a chance to really think about them.

"That's fucking rich coming from you, as though you didn't rip his heart out at that stupid Halloween party".

Nancy's face pales slightly, but there's blood in the water now.

He never really had the heart to ask Steve this question, and he probably never would have been able to actually answer it.

But Nancy can.

"Steve is brave, fucking reckless but he's brave, and selfless, and he cares so much --about everything,"

Eddie forces himself to stay where he is, to not move, but his voice climbs in volume, carrying through the trees.

"You had that and you threw it away Wheeler, and you come in here asking what he is to me?"

He watches as Nancy looks around them frantically watching for people, but Eddie doesn't care, he keeps going.

"He's more than some bullshit you toss in the trash".

There are twin spots of red on the high points of her cheekbones, matching the flush painting her ears, Nancy pins him with a frosty glare as she breathes out slowly through her nose.

"Well, you certainly care, don't you, that's a question answered at least".

She clears her throat and blinks again, and to Eddie's horror, her eyes shine with tears in the afternoon sun.

"You don't know what it was like after everything last year, how hard it was".

She wipes roughly at one of the tears that rolls down her cheek, cutting it off.

"I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to tell Barb's parents what happened to their daughter, my--"

Nancy swallows roughly, her nostrils flaring, "my best friend, was dead".

"And Steve wanted to pretend that everything was fine, that it was normal," she clears her throat and wipes at her eyes again, "and I can't do that, I don't have it in me to let it go yet".

Eddie nods, he gets it.

He didn't understand how everyone was able to just go on like everything in the last week didn't happen, or if he will ever forget the sounds those things made as they screamed in the darkness, that people had died that night.

He can't pretend either and it's a relief to know he isn't the only one.

Eddie opens his mouth to apologize but Nancy keeps going, her words softer this time.

"I don't really believe that Steve has been able to let it go either if I'm being honest," Nancy says, her eyes searching Eddie's face as she speaks, "he sleeps with the hall lights on, did he tell you? He can't stand the dark anymore".

"Yeah," Eddie breathes out, "he's said it before, I didn't know about the hall, but.."

He lets the thought trail off, it makes sense. It's not as though he's been sleeping well since everything ended either. Wayne had woken him up that first night to stop his screaming and calm him down, he ended up crawling in with Wayne for the rest of the night, something he hadn't done since he was eight.

Eddie startles slightly at the sudden small hand touching his arm. Nancy pulls back almost immediately at his flinch, regret painting her face.

"Steve needs something that I can't give him," and I need more than he can give me, it wasn't meant to last".

"I didn't mean to hurt him, but that doesn't mean I'm good with Steve getting hurt again and again, he has enough of that with his parents".

Eddie nods again, "have they always been like that?"

Nancy's face darkens for just a moment before smoothing out again.

"In the year we were together, I met them once," she wraps her arms around herself and shivers as another breeze rips through the clearing, "he always made excuses for why they were gone or when they would be back".

She looks up at Eddie now, her wide blue eyes still red rimmed from earlier, "he told me about you, that night".

Oh.

Suddenly the weighted looks Nancy had been giving him make more sense. The small conspiratorial smile.

"Yeah well, he's been avoiding me," Eddie admits softly, lifting his hand to snag a lock of hair, "so I wouldn't hold your breath".

Nancy nods and shivers against a rough gust of wind that shifts the trees and swirls the leaves around the table. She looks into the distance suddenly, her eyes catching something behind Eddie as they widen before darting back to his face.

He turns his head to look behind him, only to see Hawkins Middle through the trees.

"Steve's good at pretending, but he doesn't have the same kind of friends around him that would just accept that version of him now, he's got us --well," Nancy stutters momentarily, "he's got you, and the kids, I'm pretty sure Dustin thinks Steve's an action here now".

Eddie snorts, prompting a smile out of Nancy. He takes a small step forward before offering his elbow. Nancy looks from his arm to Eddie's face once before reaching out to curl her hands around it.

"Alright Wheeler," he says with a grin, "how do we do this? I know you've got a plan rolling around that brain of yours and I'm cold as shit so let's move this to the van".

Nancy smiles again, tilting her head towards the Middle School once more, "How do you feel about Dances?"

Tag List: Please Note the List is Officially Closed

@eriquin @luvinthefreaks @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @goodolefashionedloverboi @ellietheasexylibrarian @bambibiest @sadboislovebeans @howincrediblysapphicofyou @coleys-a-nerd @whycantiuseunderscore @airconditioning123 @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @corrodedbisexual @starman-jpg @ilovecupcakesandtea @yoriposts @clumsiluni @pelinelin @phantomcat94 @lololol-1234 @anaibis @steveshairspray @hellfireone @eddielives1986 @sunswathe @tentativeghost @robin-not-batman @estrellami-1 @manda-panda-monium @tinyplanet95 @perseus-notjackson @queenie-ofthe-void @rainbowsaw @sp0o0kylights @littlebluejane @hi-im-eff @phantypurple @just-ladyme @thoroughlycollected @justrandomfandomstm @swimmingbirdrunningrock @finntheehumaneater @dynamic-powerm@nightmareglitter @genderless-spoon @zaddipax @thebiblesays @pyrohonk @emly03 @geekymagicalpotato @sidebarre @lemon-astra @cipounette @discreetapple @starlitlakes @saphhicwitchbitch @marvel-ous-m @lingeringmirth @honorarybrit81 @bookbinderbitch @finntheehumaneater @lololol-1234 @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple @monsterloverforhire @gaydrieeen @starlight-archer @homosexual-having-tea @devondespresso @rennnnon @my-hyperfixations-hell-blog @carlprocastinator1000 @0o-queendean-o0 @emly03 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @louismeds @fruitmix

@lizzicleromance @fairy-princette @eddiethehunted

And a few people I think may be intersted!

@steddierthings @steddie-there @stevesbipanic @henderdads @spooky-brakers

Part Ten Now Up (Final Part)

245 notes · View notes

blueper-saiyan · 6 months

Text

I was thinking about the Namek Saga (as I often do ngl), and I find it really interesting that, despite all attempts to claim otherwise, Vegeta seems to care about Gohan and Krillin at least a little bit by the end of the arc. He's upset when he thinks Krillin got killed by Freeza.

He saves Gohan without any actual benefit to himself.

Although he does immediately claim it was to show off. Which I could take at face value I guess, but seriously? That's a pretty weak excuse. Especially because Freeza seemed to pick up on Vegeta having some concern for Gohan earlier.

I do not believe you, Vegeta. Also, wow that was fucked up of Freeza, nice touch on the evil.

So I'd say that Vegeta does have at least some level of concern for Gohan and Krillin, which has formed impressively quickly given that they've been teamed up less than one day. I guess they did both assist in kicking Vegeta's ass a few weeks ago, which probably went a decent way toward winning his respect. It's not a level of concern deep enough for him to actually risk himself on their behalf, but he seems distressed by them being hurt. It would sort of make sense if this tenuous bond formed earlier when they fought the Ginyus together, but Vegeta actually saved them first.

Again, I could take this at face value but c'mon. Saiyan prince, but tsundere king.

They do rescue him back, so maybe that's what earned them a tiny bit of loyalty.

However, Vegeta certainly didn't seem like he was expecting it and is even annoyed that they did it. Which is a bit hypocritical of him given that he just saved them. However, this could be the reason why he rescues Gohan from Freeza later on. He could be repaying the favor. He doesn't gain any tactical advantage from that, same as Gohan didn't really gain anything saving him here. But it honestly doesn't even seem like he's thinking of this moment later on. It seems like he just saved Gohan sort of by reflex and then had to justify it to himself (and everyone else present).

Why Vegeta gets invested in Gohan and Krillin is already pretty interesting to me. (I've seen the opinion that Vegeta sees himself in Gohan without realizing it, which is possible. The parallels between them has been the subject of a few tumblr analysis posts. I've also seen the idea that Vegeta sees Gohan as a subject to protect because he's a Saiyan child. However, neither really explains Krillin.) I'd be interested in other people's opinions on it. I can see it being some level of mutual respect or even just the pure pragmatism of being able to use them later.

But I also end up with a secondary question. If Vegeta can save others, or care about them in this span of time, why does he treat the people who he's been partnered with for at least 25 years like this?

Seriously why is he so callous about them both? It's fascinated me for ages, especially because I can directly contrast it with his behavior in the following arc. Obviously the Doylist answer is that Vegeta went from basically pure evil one-off villain who was supposed to die to an antivillain with a smidgen of sympathetic traits between the first and second arc. But I want a Watsonian one. Especially because both Raditz and Nappa seem to think Vegeta would help them.

Why would they think he'd help them? And why didn't he do it? Especially because he does help his new teammates in the next arc. Did the three of them have an epic argument at some point recently and Vegeta isn't over it? Had Vegeta been gradually internalizing more of Freeza's values and decided to rebel against the values a little too when he switched to open rebellion? Had he been slowly losing respect for Raditz and Nappa and this was the final straw, but Krillin and Gohan had earned more respect? Or did he grant both of his teams the same level of concern but Gohan and Krillin do a better job at being competent on their own?

#vegeta #long post #I have pics I didn't use which means they're going in their own post lol #not sure if I should tag the other relevant characters because I'm not really analyzing them meaningfully

126 notes · View notes

starlightthemes · 2 years

Text

THEME PACK: THE ARCHIVE

Styled after AO3, this pack includes a theme and matching pages, and was designed for writers and readers alike.

🖋️ Theme 11: Archive Of Your Own

Live preview | Static previews: index page, permalink | Code

Full-width posts in an AO3 work index page format

Sidebars with optional sections such as featured tags, updates, rules, progress bars, and more

Unlimited custom links (display on sidebar or in top navbar), plus several social links in the footer

Add a custom logo beside/replacing your avatar

Inbuilt tag filtering plugin by glenthemes

All fields editable directly in the Customize menu, no HTML required. See below the cut for a full guide

🖋️ Page 3: Archive Records

Preview | Code

A WIP page designed to resemble an AO3 work page

Add tags for ratings, warnings, fandoms, characters, and more, as well as statistics like start dates, word counts etc.

Spaces for summary, start and end notes, and the 'work' itself

🖋️ Page 4: Archivist

Preview | Code

A combined about/navigation page based on the AO3 profile page

Include user statistics or any data you'd like, plus a longer bio

Sidebar navigation with link sections - unlimited links and link groups

The theme and pages all include options for multiple color palettes (initially set to Default and Reversi), text styling (choice of Tumblr/Google fonts and casing options), and more. -

Each page includes instructions on how to edit it, and color/image variables have been gathered together to make customization easier. While not necessary, basic knowledge of HTML is helpful.

For help, check my codes guide, or feel free to send me an ask. Theme 11 customization guide and credits are under the cut.

Theme 11 customization

Regarding the simpler fields:

"Secondary title" refers to the title just above the posts, under the header and navigation. This defaults to "[Total posts] Works in [Username]" when the field is left empty.

"Filtered tags" takes a comma-separated list of tags, entered exactly as they'd be written in the Tumblr post editor but without the hashtag. E.g. the tags #politics, #red and blue, and #green would be entered as "politics, red and blue, green" (make sure there's spaces, and no comma after the last item!). The filtering plugin will then put a warning message over any posts with those tags, along with a button letting you show the post.

"[Section] title" act as the headers for the corresponding section, if provided. "Custom links title" defaults to "Pages" if nothing is entered, and is used when the custom links are displayed on the navbar.

"Featured tags" takes a comma-separated list of tags, in the same format as Filtered tags. This field will display links to those tags, along with the number of posts in that tag on your blog, in the left sidebar.

The Recent posts section displays the 5 most recently posted/reblogged posts on your entire blog, displaying in the left sidebar. If you enter a tag under "Recent posts tag", it'll instead display the 5 most recent posts in that tag on your blog. Only 1 tag is allowed.

Rules and FAQ

Both these sections work the same way. Each new item, a rule or a question, consists either of one statement, or a statement and some more text, usually as an answer or additional note. E.g. the screenshot below shows three rules, where the last one has more text in the dropdown.

To create an item, prefix it with <li> . To add more text, create a <li> item and add a [more] label underneath, then write your extra text after that. To illustrate, here's the Customize page code for the above:

Updates

This section is similar to Rules/FAQ, though it flips the order around. After each <li>, first list the date, then add the [label] marker, then add your actual update. Again, here's an example:

And here's the Customize page code that created that:

Toggles

This section displays checked/crossed-out items, and uses a simpler version of the formatting for the above sections. Use <li> for each new item, then add [on] or [off] at the end, depending on whether you want it checked or crossed off. Here's an example:

And here's the corresponding Customize code:

Progress bars

This section also uses <li> items, where each item has two parts: the text label, and the number(s) for the progress percentages, put inside square brackets like with the other sections. Here's an example (note how the top two use fraction values while the bottom one uses a percentage):

And here's the code that made these. In short, the format is <li> Text here [##/##], or <li> Text here [##%], where ## refers to any number.

Social links in footer

The footer links, aside from the email and personal website fields, take usernames or user IDs for various websites. Be sure to check you're not entering a username in a user ID field!

The Email address field takes a standard email in the format [email protected] and adds a link to let people mail that address.

The Personal website fields will generate a link in the footer's Follow section. Personal website name is the human-readable text label for the generated link, and Personal website URL is the URL that will open when the generated link is clicked. Make sure to add https:// to the start of the personal website URL so the generated link doesn't just redirect you to a different part of your blog.

Credits

Layout and design by Archive of Our Own

Style My Tooltips by malihu

Phosphor Icons

Expanded Tumblr localization and NPF photosets plugin by codematurgy

Custom audio posts by annasthms

Tag filtering by glenthemes

Palette toggle by eggdesign

Scroll to top by Fabian Lins

1K notes · View notes

alisonwritesimagines · 2 years

Text

Two is Better Than One ~Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader x König Imagine~

Requested by anonymous:

Hi hi!! Can I please request something with Ghost and König with their gf who's like, kinda high maintenance and a crybaby? THANK YOU AND CONGRATS ON 5K

Summary: Both Ghost and König are back home to you. Even if you tend to be a little too much.

Author’s Note: When I tell you these men are so fine! I will literally let these men do anything to me. Also, why is this the only gif of them together? I'm hoping that the new Call of Duty game or at least the next one to follow the CoDMW2 (2022) will have more of König and Ghost together.

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: polyamorous relationship, Ghost and König like each other romantically as well because why not, fluff with some angst in the end, praise kink in a way but nothing sexual

Side Note: This is a secondary blog. If you comment a question down below, I will not answer since this is not the main blog. Please send the question to my inbox if you want a response back!

Do not repost this anywhere!

Ghost and König can both agree one one thing. The two of them would do anything for you. Even if it meant having to go to McDonalds at the dead of night just to get fries or run to the nearest store for some ice cream. No matter what, they would do anything for you.

So when they came back home to you, they were happy to just have a quiet day together. You all were in the living room as you snuggled against König on the couch, watching TikToks on your phone. Ghost sat in the recliner chair as he watched the latest football match.

As Ghost watched the match and König slept soundly holding you, the two didn't miss the sound of you sobbing. König woke up quickly before looking over at you.

"What's wrong?" Ghost asked you.

"It's just a sad TikTok," you frowned as you sobbed. Ghost let out a sigh before walking over and taking your phone out of your hand.

"No more for you for now," Ghost said.

"Simon!" You whined.

"No buts. Be a good girl and just cuddle with König. And later, I'll hold you while you watch TikToks again," Ghost ordered. You nodded before turning to König.

Whenever you and your boyfriends would go out, the two tend to be more protective of you from any dangers. The other thing they also tend to do is having to keep you away from all the things you would want for no reason.

"König! Can I please have this plushie?" You asked him as you held up a cute cow Squishmallow.

"You already have a lot of plush toys, meine Liebe (my love)," König tells you.

"Bitte (please)," you pouted at him. You had been practicing a few German words to practice to communicate with König.

"Nein, meine Liebe (no, my love)," König answered.

"But König!"

"If König says no, he says no," Ghost tells you from behind. You jumped a little from Ghost startling you. You turned over and looked up at your other boyfriend.

You gave Ghost the puppy eyes with a pout. You clutched the stuff toy against your chest as you stared up at Ghost. He could see the tears begin to form in your eyes, still always questioning on how you was able to do that.

"If we get this for you, then you're going to have to pay the price later," Ghost tells you. You nodded at him before smiling up at him.

"König."

"Ja?"

"Make sure she doesn't stray away from us," Ghost tells König.

"Come here."

You held onto König before the two of you headed to the aisle with the items you actually needed.

The worst part when it comes to the two or even just one of them having to leave for a mission. Before you three became a throuple, you had met the two when you were still an active solider on duty. However, due to a mission gone wrong, you were honorably discharged. But luckily, you three kept in touch and became a throuple.

"Do you have to go?" You asked, already sobbing a little.

"I'll try to come home as soon as possible," Ghost tells you.

"But then if you leave, then König will have to leave at one point as well," you started to sob.

"Darling, the sooner we go, the sooner we are able to come back," Ghost assures you as he held you in his arms.

"Promise me you'll come home safe," you tell him as you held onto him tightly.

"I promise. I'll come back home to the two of you," Ghost said.

"Liebe, he needs to go," König said. You nodded before pulling away from Ghost. Ghost quickly lifted his mask up a little before leaning down to kiss you quickly on the lips. You kissed him back, tasting a little of your salty tears.

"I love you," you tell him.

"I love you too. I'll see you soon okay?"

"Okay," you nodded. Ghost pulled away before looking over at König before giving him a kiss as well.

König held onto you as you both watch Ghost leave your shared home. You looked up at König before he picked you up. You wrapped your arms around him as he pressed his forehead against yours.

"Let's go watch some movies and have cuddles. Okay?" König asked. You nodded before resting your head onto his shoulder as he carried you over to the living room.

#simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley imagine #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley imagine #ghost #ghost x reader #ghost imagine #könig call of duty #könig x reader #könig imagine #könig x ghost #call of duty #call of duty mw2 #call of duty imagine #call of duty modern warfare #alisonwritesimagines

843 notes · View notes

callmewrinkles3 · 1 year

Text

Long story short - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist.

Summary: Summer break 2023 means a trip back to Perth to see how construction is going on the farm and but especially to spend Em’s birthday with family.

Warnings: Mentions of past abusive family dynamics, mentions of sex, past pregnancy loss.

Words: 6k

A/N: Hey hey! We know you’ve missed oneshots so here’s Em’s birthday for you to enjoy. We may have cried multiple times writing this, just very normal. It was pretty great lol. Hope you enjoy it and let us know what you think! All our love, Alex and Cíara.💜

August 2023

The summer break every year - with the exception of 2018 and 2020 - had involved being in the States. It was usually LA and sun for a few days, or a week somewhere in the mountains for Dan to do altitude training to prepare for races like Brazil and Mexico. But that summer things were different. With the farm construction happening fast thanks to the baby’s due date coming so soon, and Blake and Charlie being adorable, the three of them were flying back home to spend the full two weeks of the shutdown in the Australian winter. It was still milder than a European one, Em giggling as the boys changed into thick hoodies before ending the journey that had started in Italy.

Dan wanted to take full advantage of the time off, conspiring with Charlie to plan Em’s thirty third birthday. She knew it was happening and just let him plan it. Even with her dislike of parties she knew Dan wouldn’t go too overboard, so she just laughed and told him to do what he wanted. Having it surrounded by people felt strange. The year before had been just the two of them in their little bubble, and before that it had always been with Dan. She hadn’t had her parents involved since she was ten and had her final birthday party before secondary school. Because she was a summer baby her parents had acted like she didn’t need a party. The kids in school wouldn’t realise there was no party to be invited to.

She insisted it wasn’t necessary to organise anything but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Dan wanted his pregnant wife to be as happy as she could be before the chaos of the last half of the season happened so it was a full thirteen days surrounded by their people before the flight back to Faenza.

Em had to admit that it was a perfect idea. Ever since she’d found out about the pregnancy and told Grace she needed her mother there for all the questions she had. It was a blessing to spend time and to ask the questions she was embarrassed about - even when Michelle butted in and made jokes at her expense. It was there with her family and she felt good. She could call either of them any time that she wanted but it was no substitute for actually being there. She needed the hugs and physical contact that only a mum could give.

What Em had needed the entire time was for the woman who’d promised to love her as her own to wrap her in a cuddle and remind her that everything was going to be fine. That she was going to spend Christmas with her beautiful newborn baby girl. And when Grace said it Em believed it.

They got to spend the two weeks with family and eating good food, being looked after before the world could intervene. That’s what Grace and Joe had always done for Dan and they pulled Em into that world, looking after their kids when they needed it the most.

But the best thing about staying with her in laws and not the building site that was currently their farmhouse was getting to stay in Dan’s childhood bedroom. Grace hadn’t redecorated since he’d left for Italy half his life ago, the old school NASCAR posters on the wall and karting trophies on shelves. The photos of his family and friends were there to surround Dan with reminders of his childhood. Em refused to mention the one of Dan and Michael on their school football team that had disappeared when she was in the shower one morning. She couldn’t ruin their time at home talking about something like that. As far as she was concerned the picture was never there. It was the same way they were all pretending Michael had never been in their lives. Grace and Joe knew better than to ask about him.

That whole situation hurt a little less every day, but it still ached. It was easier when they weren’t in the paddock. The plan was to spend more time in Italy so Dan could be at the factory more where Michael wouldn’t really be. In London and Perth they could avoid his neighbourhood and the places he liked to go. But race weekends it was impossible. They shared the same garage, the same hospitality. They turned left to go into Dan’s driver room at Budapest and Spa and knew that he was the other side of the too flimsy wall having turned right. They could and did run into him at any time. Em wanted to tell him how she was, how the baby was. How his niece was. But Lulu wasn’t going to be his niece. She wasn’t going to even know him. It gutted Em that her brother wasn’t in her life anymore but he’d made his decision and it didn’t hurt as much. But it hurt the most during the parties Dan held in Perth.

The first one was ridiculous and unexpected, held two days after they arrived in Australia. It was part Charlie’s idea and part Dan’s, the decision made between them to celebrate Blake and Em. Neither of them realised that it was happening when they arrived back at the Ricciardos that afternoon. Blake had brought her to take a look at kitchen fittings for the farmhouse, the plan to bring Dan back to look at her top picks before they were put into the rebuilt kitchen. She was getting the kitchen of her dreams and she was taking advantage, copper fittings and marble countertops on the wooden cabinets. There was all the storage she wanted, the plans were ready for her to show Dan and see what he thought. It was their forever home and she couldn’t wait.

She arrived back to Grace and Joe’s to their family there, Charlie’s brother Cal and his boyfriend standing near the back nervously. Blake’s parents had flown out to be there too. Dan stood on a rickety kitchen chair, his hand on Blake’s shoulder to stay steady.

“I’m usually good at saying stuff but this is really hard. The last…the last year or so has been really hard. And there’s two people who could have walked away but didn’t, and this is to make sure they know how loved and appreciated they are. Blake, you’re my brother. You more than anyone else had a reason to yell at me and tell me to get my shit together - sorry Ma.”

“Just this once!” Grace called as Dan collected himself.

“Emmy, you married me and you love me and we’re having a baby and I still don’t know why you decided to stay through everything that was said about you. But you are the best woman I’ve met in my life, and I love you to pieces. You know. But this is just to say thank you to all of you for being there and helping. Cause I wouldn’t be in a seat again without you all.”

It was scattered applause and Em reached for her husband to give him the biggest hug, pulling him tight for a moment as Lulu kicked against him.

“You’re gonna be the best dad, Dan. We love you so much. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

The words were completely true, even with everything that had happened. The emotional and physical pain. The embarrassment being turned away from the paddock in Spa the year before thanks to stupid mind games. The hospital visit and the therapy and the near screaming match with her parents. Because they were home with their baby coming soon and in love. It was hard and worth it.

She spent that day swapping between Isaac and Isabella on her knee, Cal and Ryder taking the other child and playing. The last thing she said to Cal before he left was that Ryder was a keeper, watching the younger man blush. He was a sweetheart like the rest of their family.

Blake and Charlie were the last ones to leave, hugs to everyone the order of the day. Finally they left, Em going nearly straight to bed to sleep thanks to missing her usual afternoon nap.

Em told Dan not to make a huge fuss of her birthday, that a relaxing day would be fine. But she knew really that there was no chance her husband or family would let her birthday pass like that. It was the one day where they could shower her with love and affection without her complaints so they took full advantage.

She woke up that morning to Dan covering her in kisses, pulling her in for slow birthday sex that had them both gasping for breath and desperate to keep quiet. Her husband held her even tighter for a few moments before they got up, Dan leading her to the kitchen where Grace and Joe sang Happy Birthday as she came in. There were pancakes and bacon waiting for her with a candle lit on the top of a lavender iced cupcake. She started tearing up immediately, not even attempting to pretend that it was the pregnancy hormones that caused her emotions. It was happy tears. She was happy and loved and that was what she cared about. She and Dan had made it through, and the joy that morning compared to the worry of the previous year was so different.

It felt like a dream compared to the year before, her husband by her side and she was pregnant with their baby. They were getting everything they wanted and life was good. Nobody was taking this from her and she spent her morning curled up against Dan on the couch as he kept whispering how much he loved her, making her grin and kissing her cheeks with each smile.

Nothing had prepared her for the birthday party that Blake, Charlie, and Dan had prepared for her at the Clarke’s farm. Dan led her into the barn where they’d held their wedding, a shout of “SURPRISE” ringing around the room. She loved it so much, lavender decorations everywhere as their families were all there. She started tearing up of happiness again, tears spilling over as Isaac and Isabella came running over to her yelling “happy birthday Auntie Emmy!”.

She honestly didn’t expect gifts from people. Dan had been the first person to give her gifts just because, but there was a table tucked away in the corner with presents for her to open later. It was insane to her how many there were, everyone saying she could open them later. Charlie’s parents hugged her and pulled a chair out to urge her to sit, Em watching as Isaac and Isabella brought over their presents for her.

The first one that Isaac insisted on her opening had Toy Story wrapping paper, and inside was a huge box with everything she could ever want to make friendship bracelets with. They had a tradition to make new ones every time they were in Perth with the kids, weaving thread and beads together to make cute ones. Isaac explained how he wanted new ones, and he wanted them to make new ones for the baby too.

“They’re gonna be teeny tiny cause the baby’s gonna be like Iz’s dolly, but we need them to have lots so they grow!” He explained to Em, clearly happy to have a new cousin to play with.

“You’re so right, Baby. I love it, thank you! You’re gonna come over at the weekend and we can make some before I go back to Europe?”

With a nod and a kiss on his aunt’s cheek Isaac ran back to his uncle Dan, the promise of getting to go look at the cattle on the farm too alluring. Instead his little sister took his spot on Em’s lap, handing over a box wrapped in lavender unicorn paper. Inside it was a bright pink Barbie box. The doll had brunette hair like Em, complete with a travel set. There was a neck pillow, a suitcase that looked like Em’s own one, and everything else Barbie her could need.

“It’s just like you!” Isabella exclaimed as soon as the paper was ripped away and dumped on the other side of the table. It really did nearly look like her.

“Oh my God, I love it.” She kissed her niece’s curly hair, holding on tightly as Isabella pointed out the phone and camera. “Thank you so, so much, Baby girl. I love it so, so much. It’s the best.”

“Can we play tomorrow?” The little girl asked, looking up with big eyes and an angelic face. It was nearly impossible for Em to say no.

“After school, ok? But then we can, promise. And we’ll have some more cake, but don’t tell your Mum and we’ll make sure to save some for her.”

At the start she didn’t ask why a Barbie doll, it came from her niece and that was what she cared about. But while during the party Isabella kept asking about the baby and patting Em’s tummy, she couldn’t stop wondering why. Once Isabella was safely occupied with one of Charlie’s nieces she decided she had to ask, walking over to her sister in law and getting the words out. As soon as Michelle began to speak Em regretted asking.

“We were in the kitchen and she came to tell me and Mum that you come up with the best stories for the Barbies while you play, but you never had one growing up so you didn’t have a favourite Barbie. She thought because you travel so much Travel Barbie would be your favourite. I couldn’t say no, Em. I’m sorry you never had one.”

Em never thought Isabella would remember that single conversation. It was months ago, the week before her wedding. If she’d realised Isabella would think about it she wouldn’t have said it.

Part of the therapy that Mildred was working on with her was giving her that allowance to be a kid. She’d never gotten to be, but Mildred told her to do the things she wanted to. Spend time with her niece and nephew and play with them. She’d made a bundle of friendship bracelets before seeing Taylor Swift as part of it. So when Isabella asked if she wanted to play Barbies Em said yes immediately.

She and Dan were on babysitting duty, the four of them were downstairs playing with Isaac’s cars. Instead of playing he and Dan had fallen asleep thanks to exhaustion and a sugar crash from the final wedding cake tests. The two girls were alone and Isabella pulled Em upstairs before taking out a Barbie carry case and asking Em to do braids in Skipper’s hair.

It was while Em was twisting the slick strands of plastic hair when Isabella asked her about her favourite Barbie as a kid. She couldn’t tell the truth and break her niece’s childhood. The truth was that her parents thought dolls were ridiculous and she was never allowed to have them growing up, that she had puzzles and non fiction books. Even fiction books had to be by certain authors or she couldn’t read them because they wouldn’t “develop her brain”.

The short answer, the easy one, was “Oh, I didn’t have any Barbies.” Followed by asking if Isabella wanted her hair to match Skippers and a child sitting in Em’s lap to get her french braids put in the subject matter was closed. She was convinced that Isabella had forgotten about it. The next topic of conversation was how pretty her flower girl dress for the wedding was and how she looked “like a fairy princess” in it. But she hadn’t.

Her thoughts were pinned on the topic after she spoke to Michelle. Em went mostly through the motions for the rest of the party, hugging her friends and talking to everyone. Chloe and Scotty made a surprise appearance for her, a giant hug and a promise that Em was coming out with Chloe and Charlie in a couple of days for lunch.

The box with the doll stayed in her hand and all she could imagine was a couple of years time when her daughter started playing with it. She couldn’t imagine having a baby, going through pregnancy and labour to not even want the result. To never really want a baby like her parents never wanted her. Even thinking about her baby girl not having the entire world hurt so much it made her want to cry. It was still four months until she’d arrive and Em and Dan would do anything to keep her safe and love her. Her nursery in London was ready to go, the last thing a photo collage Em wanted to make of all the adults who would love Lulu. The only reason her room in Perth wasn’t ready was because of the construction, but the furniture had been delivered and was sitting in an outbuilding. They already had enough to fill the playroom and the nursery even though Lulu would sleep in their room for the first few months. The travel arrangements were ready to go. They even had Lulu’s luggage all set.

Em had never really understood how someone couldn’t love their own child, but as she counted down the days to her due date it was even harder. She knew there was reasons why, she knew some people weren’t pregnant in good situations. But when she was pregnant and married and had tried for a baby? It was irrational to her that you wouldn’t want that child.

But while the birthday party continued she refused to let herself go there. She wouldn’t let herself think about why her parents were the way they were and how much that hurt. And she definitely wasn’t thinking about how the last time she came home from this room her former best friend had left her life in the most unceremonious of ways. That wasn’t raining on her parade, not today. So she walked over, hugged her husband, whispered how much she loved him and how thankful she was for the wonderful day she was having.

“Remember when you weren’t the party kind and I had to drag you anywhere?” Dan joked, kissing her cheek as she smiled.

“I reckon you were the one who dragged me to different ones ever since we met. But you know me, Dimples. I still don’t like big things much but this? This is nice. These are the ones I like.”

Even at 33 she hated when she was the centre of attention and people sang happy birthday to her. She wasn’t sure if anyone actually liked being surrounded by friends singing off key and out of tune, but for the first time it didn’t feel weird. The people who were around her had been supporting her through every single good and bad moment in the last five years. They loved her no matter how broken or weird she felt. They made sure that she knew how loved she was, no matter what. Every single person had wormed their way into her heart when she’d tried to keep people out. So when the singing ended and she took a deep breath to blow out the birthday candles in one breath she had one wish in her mind. To keep every single person in this room in her life forever.

The winter meant the sun was setting early, exhaustion hitting Em hard. She’d needed naps more and more since she’d become pregnant and this was the second time in a week that she hadn’t had one. After her third yawn and as the kids were getting cranky they all decided to head home. It took Dan to make her sit down and not help clear up, Charlie’s parents half shooing them out of the barn warning that the cleaning was sorted, to go home and rest. Joe drove them back, Grace in the front seat as Em rested her head against Dan’s shoulder and half dozed while the other three made conversation in low tones.

Her husband had to shake her to wake her up when they got back to the house, Em stretching as she undid her belt. It was tempting to stay and sleep in the car, but her back was sore enough after a night in a comfy bed. Sitting up in a car would be worse.

Dan didn’t want to wake her when they arrived back at the house, but it was safer for her to get out of the car on her own instead of Dan lifting her out. He helped her up and closed the door behind her.

“Did you have a good day, Kiddo?” Joe asked a half awake Em as they walked back into the house. Dan’s arm was around her waist to help keep her up and stop her from tripping up with tiredness.

“Best birthday of my life. You didn’t need to do it, but thank you for doing it for me.”

“It’s what you deserve, Darling,” Grace insisted. Her mother in law pushed a kiss to her forehead before Dan brought Em up to bed.

Before they made it into their room Dan dragged her into the bathroom, getting Em to sit on the toilet as he took her makeup off fully and helped rub her moisturiser in. She was too tired to do it, almost deciding to just sleep without washing her face. But as delicately as possible Dan wiped it off, using crouching in front of her as an excuse to stroke her cheek and steal kisses from his wife.

Once they were ready to go to bed Dan lifted her off the toilet and across the hallway to deposit her on the bed, Em giggling at his actions. It didn’t take long for him to pull her dress and leggings off, replacing them with clean underwear and one of his old, worn shirts that was soft enough for Em. She laughed as he kept stealing kisses from her as he pulled the shirt over her bump, rubbing gently

“I’m lazy and sleepy but I can still change my clothes on my own, Babe.”

“You know very well that I love undressing you. Even if you actually have to wear something to bed because we’re at home.”

If they were in the apartment or even on the farm they wouldn’t be wearing anything. The skin to skin contact in bed always made Em relax and help her sleep better but considering they were at Dan’s parents they had to be semi decent. Em wore one of his shirts and Dan would at least keep his underwear on. Even when he complained more than once.

“Any excuse to see me naked, right?” Em smiled before kissing his cheek and finally laying down to be able to rest. “C’mon Dimples, your wifey is exhausted. Come to bed.”

She patted the mattress beside her to wait for Dan to crawl into the bed and she could get into his arms. She knew it’d take him longer to fall asleep than her. Every night since she’d gotten that positive pregnancy test he’d started his own little night time ritual of telling the baby a story while kissing and stroking her bump. He wasn’t joking about wanting to be a hands on dad, so since day one he did everything in his power to connect with their baby. It didn’t matter how long was left until she was in his arms, he wanted his daughter to know who her daddy was from day one.

From all the things he did or could do those five or ten minutes as they wound down for bed were some of his favourite of the day. Most nights Em stayed awake listening to what her husband was saying while she read. Other nights like this one she fell asleep easily and left her loves to have their late night chats.

“Before I get in I have one last thing for you.” Dan pulled a colourful Happy Birthday gift bag that was hidden in the bottom drawer of the wardrobe. “I know you’re going to say I’ve given you too many gifts, but it’s your birthday and our anniversary so birthaversary rules mean I get to spoil you. If you let me I’d spoil you every day. I’m so lucky to get to love you and be your husband. I couldn’t say this earlier cause I’d start crying, but I just…thanks, Emmy. I couldn’t do any of this without you. And you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. I love you.”

“I love you too, Danny. So much. Marrying you is the best thing I ever did. And this better not be lingerie that won’t fit me anymore.” He laughed at her words and handed over the bag, sitting up beside her in the bed. It was six years of being around Dan, of him getting overexcited and determined to spoil her rotten at all times. She’d jokingly complain about how he got her too much, but he was like that for everyone. She learned to get used to how Dan showed his love with gifts and making life easier for people. This was another one of those occasions so she sat up on the bed with a pillow supporting her back, looking at her husband as he smiled.

“You’re the hottest mama in the world, Baby girl. But no, it’s nothing like that. Just open it, ok?”

The second Em opened the bag and saw the stuffed crocodile inside she started crying. Pregnancy hormones couldn’t be blamed for these tears.

When she was three her parents brought her on a trip to a holiday camp in Wales. She barely remembered any of it apart from a little playground beside the pub there, but it was the kind of place that was where they could take her for a weekend to prove how normal they were. An hour from Liverpool, two nights and enough photos to prove they took their daughter away on holiday.

One of the few things she did remember was how much she loved Captain Croc, the crocodile mascot that wandered around. They’d gotten her a teddy, the first one she remembered having. He was vivid green and yellow, blue dungarees with yellow interlocking Cs and big white eyes. He was her comfort toy, hugging him in her tiny arms and bringing him everywhere until she started primary school.

She thought she remembered the feeling of having a new best friend to play with and make up games. Now she knew it was probably her brain trying to make a memory to help her cope with a messed up childhood.

The one definite memory that Em did have was how thirty years later she watched her husband tear up as he looked at a photo of her tiny self holding Captain Croc. Dan held it together until they made it back to the hotel after they left her parents house with the final box of things she was taking. Once they were in that room he started sobbing because he didn’t understand how nobody was there to hold that little girl and tell her how perfect she was. He sobbed because he knew that it was one of the few really happy moments she had in her early childhood. Not that she realised that it should have been better then.

But above all Dan sobbed because that’s what their baby might have looked like. It was the week after she should have had their first baby. They should have been parents. Imagining how their baby could have been hurt like that by anyone cut him to the core and he sobbed in Em’s arms as she held him and promised that they would do better. They would make sure their baby was so loved. She was used to the casual cruelty of her own parents, the way they used words as weapons. Dan who’d never known anything but support and love didn’t understand it.

This teddy meant more than just a gift from her husband to remind her of a bright spot in her life. It was the reminder of slowly healing wounds that still weren’t fully scabbed over. That photo had opened them up more again, and the teddy reminded her more. The day she told Dan the story he held her as they both sobbed. He’d have done anything to have a little girl who looked just like his Emmy. Anything to see his Emmy holding their mini me baby but life was unfair and cruel. Instead of holding their baby that day they held each other, promising that one day it was going to happen. They were going to get to have their family and be happy, no matter what.

But in the final hours of her birthday, thirty one years after she first held her teddy, Em started sobbing again. She had no idea how Dan had found an exact copy of the Captain Croc she’d loved so much but he did. Hers was too delicate, kept in a box in the apartment in London to be shown to her kids as a memento. But he’d found a brand new one, making child and adult Em sob with happiness.

“I knew that a certain little lady wanted to give you a Barbie because you never had one, so I thought that Barbie could do with having a friend. And in a couple of years when our little lady is able to she’ll want to play with them too.” Dan helped Em pull him out of the bag. It should have been easy but her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn’t get him out fully.

The adrenaline and relief flowing through her body made her shake like a leaf in Dan’s arms. Em didn’t know how she had gotten this lucky. She had friends who flew hours to see her for her birthday, a family who loved her enough to make a big deal of her. And the most loving and caring husband in the world. She still didn’t know what she did to deserve it and get it, but she was so thankful for it. It was yet another day where even with everything that had happened, even with the way her parents acted and her family was it was worth it because she had Dan. She’d have done it over and over if this was the result. She was married to the love of her life, she was having their baby, and they were happier than she thought possible.

It took longer than she expected to calm down her sobs, Dan holding onto her tightly. He ran his hand against her back, whispering how much he loved her in between pressing kisses to her face and head. It was whispers of how proud he was of her, how much he loved her, how wonderful she was. And most importantly how he knew that their baby loved her already.

“Marrying you a year ago was the best decision of my entire life, you know that, right?” Em whispered, her voice still shaking with sobs. “Y’know, right?”

“I know. We’re still a couple of hours away from exactly a year.” Dan checked his watch, it was ten in Perth, two in London. This time a year ago he was waiting for Em to come back and pick out wedding rings with him before their four pm appointment.

“Happy anniversary, my Love. It was the best idea we ever had.”

Her birthday overshadowed the fact that it was their first wedding anniversary. A year ago they were running around London, Em buying her wedding dress in Marks and Spencer as Dan wore a suit she loved him in. The two of them standing in the registry office in Kensington and promising to love each other, desperate to keep the other happy and get through the next few months together.

It was hard to believe that 365 days had passed since she finally became Mrs Ricciardo. She loved it. She’d loved being his wife every single day, even the horrible ones. It was a year where she’d woken up at her husband’s side every single morning and she could never take it for granted.

“Happy anniversary, Baby girl. You and our little one here are the greatest things that ever happened to me,” Dan whispered as he pulled her up, close enough to finally give Em a kiss while he rubbed her bump.

“Happy anniversary, Danny. Here, for you.” Em reached across and pulled the wrapped package out from under the bed. She’d been wracking her brain about what to get him, but in the end it was an easy decision. Dan opened it quickly, Em watching as he realised what it was.

Traditionally the first anniversary was paper, and she found someone on Etsy who made star charts of the night sky on important dates. It was the sky above London the night they met, Monaco the first night they spent together, Spa when they said they loved each other for the first time, and London when they’d got married. The poster was their important moments highlighted and she saw the grin spread across his face.

“You are amazing. Thank you. This is…it’s everything.” He put it to the side as he pulled her in, holding her as she began to lull to sleep.

“You know what’s crazy? Next year we’re gonna be celebrating our birthdays and anniversaries with her.”

“That’s all I want. The three of us snuggled up together doing nothing all day.”

Em couldn’t help but smile, imagining how it would be to wake up with their baby and her husband right there. No plans needed except spending the day with the loves of her life. She didn’t want anything else and it felt greedy to even consider asking to get anything else. She got to marry her Dan and love him openly, and their baby was strong and healthy and growing. It was more than she could have imagined.

“We’ll cuddle and eat cake. She better like lemon drizzle. I mean I’ll settle for chocolate fudge if I have to.”

“She might not. I mean I’ve been eating it so much she might hate it. Or she’ll be obsessed.”

“Lulu’s half you, Emmy. She’s obsessed already I think.” Em laughed at his tone, curling into Dan.

“Can I sleep like this?” She asked, hiding her face against Dan’s chest. She felt ridiculous holding Captain Croc in her arms as she could feel sleep hitting her while her husband was holding her tightly. But she felt just as defenceless as the little girl in the photos. The big difference between the Em of thirty years ago was that now there were people who looked after her and hugged her on the bad days. Who made sure she was eating and cared for. She’d never had someone love her unconditionally like that until Dan was in her life.

“Anything you want, birthday girl.”

Em’s wishes were Dan’s commands, so she fell asleep in her husband’s arms, head on his chest as her teddy was between them with Dan’s low whispers to their baby echoing in her ears. It might be immature, a grown woman and soon to be mother getting that comfort, but she wanted and needed it. The rest didn’t matter. She and Dan were happy and that was what was important.

—

Taglist: (Let us know if you wanna be added!)

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

#call it what you want fic #ciwyw writing #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo fic #daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo oneshot #daniel ricciardo imagine #f1 imagine #f1 oneshot #formula one fanfic #formula 1 oneshot #formula one imagine #formula 1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula one oneshot #formula one fanfiction #formula 1 fanfic

179 notes · View notes

spacexseven · 1 year

Note

sorry for the late reply! And to answer some of your questions in the tags, it’s actually all three. A “final girl” is a basically a trope that means a character (usually protagonist) that is “pure, feminine, and the victim” during a horror film. They’re usually a victim of chance or have a distant past connection to the killer. Be it their intelligence, connection, or simply pure luck, the final girl is able to avoid death until the end where: 1) they survive to the end and defeat their killer 2) they escape or 3) they die regardless. I was thinking of killer! yan bsd, but I was also intrigued with a victim/final girl! bsd. An example of an idea that’s currently plaguing my mind is Final Girl! Nikolai. I liked the idea of a serial killer targeting magician/or whimsical (maybe ability users) people and choosing nikolai as target. cat and mouse chase, and they end getting the drop on him (how? idk). Its kinda a slow burn horror, but regardless nikolai fights back. this is a gist and example. Tuna, i’m so sorry about throwing this ramble dump at you. 🙈 this is just an idea, nothing you actually have to do. im just happy sharing this with you - 🦄

ahahahaha....there was a lot i had to say about this, but i kept it as brief as i could because i Might...might do a series/oneshot w this au. Maybe </3 thank you for sharing this gem of an idea i am very excited to dig in nomnomnom. tagged under 'sk reader au 🐟'

gn! reader, is a serial killer & implied to have an ability that can 'collect' other abilities. can be read as a yandere reader.

cw: stalking, murder, violence

ability users are fascinating little things.

especially when they try everything in their power to stay alive. it's a wonderful sight, to see those that always stood above regular people, to see those regarded as gifted, desperately attempt to survive. there was something intoxicating about holding power above the same ability users that were feared by all.

but your interest was less in the users and more in the ability itself.

there was a lot you hoped to learn about abilities, regardless of the type. there must be a reason as to why some were sentient, why some were so much more powerful than others, why some were uncontrollable, and the best way to learn, was of course, through the ability itself. you were willing to do anything to satisfy your curiousity, even if it meant the user had to die for their abilities to join your collection.

you had fond memories with all of them; flawless made for an exhilarating fight, always a step ahead until you sunk your claws into the frightened figure of a dark-eyed ability user, rashōmon was unique, the dark mass almost besting you, but, in the end, you stood victorious over a sickly body—even if you hadn't gone after it, this was an ability that wasn't meant to survive for long, and you liked to think that it was for the best that it joined you instead of disappearing with its user. and of course, discourse on decadence was unforgettable. you remembered it belonged to some goverment agent who was hot on your trail—it was the closest anyone came to stopping you—and your most recent kill.

usually, you didn't like picking favorites. each ability was fascinating and unique in its own way, but it was undeniable that one in particular stood out to you.

the overcoat was an interesting ability. at first sight, it appeared quite simple, but you had viewed it in action too many times to know just how frightening it was. how easy it was to turn it into a lethal weapon—to reach in and twist out a limb or to drain out the blood from a vein. the seemingly unlimited potential of the ability, however, was only one of the aspects that intrigued you.

generally, you've never cared for the users as much as you did their abilities. while you enjoyed the brutal torture you made them suffer, and you liked hunting them down, they always came secondary to their abilities. you didn't care to know their names or their personal stories. despite all that, a name—nikolai gogol—had made his way on your list of targets, scrawled next to his ability.

it'd only take you a minute to identify nikolai in a sea of people.

whether he had the scar over his eye showing or hidden, whether he was wearing glasses or colored contacts, no matter what wig he wore or how ordinary he tried to look, you would immediately be able to point him out. no disguise, no false identity could hide him from you—you know this because he's tried, many times now, to fool you. but you've always known it was him, from the slightest strain of his voice when disguised, the unsettling blankness in his gaze when he looked at you, the subtle upturn of his lips when he approached you. you knew it was him from the way he titled his head when asking you a question, the way he said your name, and even the syllables he stressed when he spoke.

he approached you first as a police officer, then as a detective, a local politician, and even an assassin. You had already noted down each encounter you had with him, the details of each false identity, and what you had learned from it. it was a feat in itself that nikolai had survived so many encounters with you. perhaps it was because of your growing obsession with him,

(somehow, you always knew that your last victim would be nikolai. he'd be a fitting end for your legacy, as the ability user who had been watching you from the very start. the only ability user you could see as more than a shell for his powers. the only one who escaped you once.)

initially, you believed that nikolai followed you around for self-driven justice, to punish you for your crimes. (the policeman getup convinced you of that much), but instead of lunging at you, he watched, enraptured, as you stole the perfect crime, and he followed you closely as you stalked the user of falling camellia, doing nothing to stop you either time. and every time after that, be it walking past him in the busy streets of yokohama or meeting him as your taxi driver, nikolai had yet to try and expose your crimes and exact revenge. he never held a blade up to your throat, never used the very frightening ability of his on you.

his passivity, however, did nothing to quench your bloodthirst.

it was you who attacked him first.

you're no stranger to hunting down your prey. it was something you anticipated now, the sound of footsteps making their way around corners, the sight of shaking shoulders and trembling hands as they hid behind walls, the way fear consumed them when you finally cornered them; you relished in the hunt as much as you did the result.

nikolai doesn't make it much of a hunt. he's quick, with his coat fluttering around him. his footsteps, you remember, are light and quick, his breathing staggered as he laughed wildly. he snatches up your gun with a hand through his coat, and shoots blindly. there is despair consuming his mind, no panic climbing up his spine. his heart rate accelerates not out of fear, but out of thrill, and he looks at you with unrestrained elation. this was no hunt, nikolai wasn't hiding from you—this was a chase. just as you approached a dead end, and you think you can finally, finally, shove him into a corner, nikolai turns to smile at you one last time, before disappearing into a flurry of his coat. as you stand alone, a dark glove laid on the floor ahead of you catches your attention; his glove might have caught on a jagged end and fallen, you think. after cleaning up his mess, you silently pocket it, still haunted by that uninhibited look and that devilish grin.

nikolai is everywhere after that, taunting you.

he sits across you from the train, he takes your order in a restaurant, he applauds you from a distance, after watching you drag away yet another body, congratulating you on another successful kill.

"next time," he smiles at you, all coy and enticing, "i hope it's me."

you hope so too, but you don't let him have the pleasure of knowing that. the scowl on your blood-streaked face sends him spinning away in giggles.

it wasn't the next time, but after a few more dead bodies and many more warnings about your work are played on the news, you meet nikolai again. nikolai gogol is no easy prey, but you're not one to be bested twice. this time, you don't let him run. you're finally on top of him, blood pooling out of where your knife was stuck in his thigh, his coat ripped off him and abandoned somewhere else. it would be so easy to kill him now, so easy to watch him bleed out and claim his ability as yours, but for the first time, you hesitated on delivering the killing blow.

this time, it's not the ability you're after, is it?

314 notes · View notes

emeritusemeritus · 7 months

Note

Can I request studying with GoF twins for a new project they’re working on? Like with witty or flirty remarks before they start getting carried away? Just some fluffy young love. It sounds nice

You know GOF twins is my weak spot, that long hair has me drooling every time 🖤

Warnings: flirty banter, implied sexual remarks, mentions of underwear, teasing. More than friends, not quite lovers. Georgie is beautiful when he blushes. Fred has no chill.

Words: 1k

Questions Questions.

It's Saturday evening in the Gryffindor common room and for once it's pretty quiet, with most of the students third year and up still at Hogsmeade. Naturally, the twins and you had crept out earlier that morning through the passageways you knew like the back of your hand to Zonkos, before the rush of the school trip began. They needed some things for whatever they were working on, a new invention they were excited about, something you were trying to help them with.

It was peaceful now, the fire roaring, the proximity between you and the twins. You'd been best friends for years, practically since the moment you stepped onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time and it was no secret that you'd gotten a little closer with the twins over the years, your relationship changing as you got older.

"Can you invent anything that makes Ron's robes look not-nauseating to the female population?" You joke, leaning across to watch Fred's nimble fingers messing about with the contraption he was building. Fred pauses, letting out a belly laugh and George giggles along, face scrunching up in the cutest way.

"Ha! 'Fraid not princess," Fred says with a smirk, getting back to work whilst George makes some notes on a piece of parchment.

"What are you wearing?" George asks, briefly looking up at you, over your body, before jotting something down with his worn down pencil.

"George Weasley! You can't ask a lady that!" You say with a smirk, knowing that pointing out the secondary meaning of his words would rile him up. It works almost instantly, his cheeks heating up to a beautiful pink colour that you take great pride in. Fred snorts out a laugh, flicking his eyes between your delighted face and his brother's blush whilst he tinkers.

"So," Fred drawls out, voice dropping to dangerously flirty whisper. "What are you wearing?" He winks, looking at you up and down as if he had Mad-eye's magic eye to see under your clothes. You can't help but smile at him, his effortless boyish charm always flowing in abundance when he teased.

You raise one eyebrow, testing him and he simply smiles back with a little shrug.

"You said George, gotta be more specific princess."

You laugh along, nudging him slightly on the shoulder, the two of you sharing a little moment as your eyes fix on each other.

"I meant to the Yule Ball," George says quietly, still recovering from his little faux-pas. You turn to George and give him a little smile, always the sweet one.

"Oh I don't know yet," you answer honestly. Truthfully you hadn't really given it much thought, what with the tournament, your homework and helping them with their business, both the inventions and the gambling.

"Not got a date?" Lee pipes up behind you, appearing from over Fred's shoulder as he throws himself down onto the sofa next to George.

"Shove off Lee," you laugh, fixing him with a little mock glare.

"She's got two," Fred says proudly, his smile wide even though he doesn't actually look up from his work. Lee is called away only a few minutes later by someone in the second year and he leaves the three of you alone again, huddled close in the corner by the fire.

"I'm sure whatever you wear you'll look great," George says shyly, "I mean you look great all the time."

"Especially in that sundress," Fred chimes in, mentioning the dress you'd worn the last time you were at the Burrow in the summer. Both Fred and George had commented multiple times about their approval of the dress.

"Well unfortunately for you both, that dress and my yule ball dress are staying on. Guess you'll just have to imagine my underwear Eh Georgie?"

Fred let's out another boyish laugh and George blushes again, smiling to himself.

"So what are you actually working on?" You ask, realising that you didn't actually know what he was crafting, somehow missing the memo on this future prank.

"Never mind that, what colour's your underwear?"

"Fred!" George chastises his twin, even though he's laughing too.

"Red," you reply causally, watching carefully from the side of your eye to see their reaction.

Fred is rendered speechless, something you've never seen before and you're pretty sure you could see a blush forming underneath his drooping bangs, though he tries to hide it. George's mouth had transformed into a little 'o' which he fights to hide pretty quickly and to make matters worse you shoot him a little wink, which brings back the colour to his cheeks.

You sit for a while, falling into a comfortable silence, the three of you working on your divided tasks. You notice Fred wafting his long hair out of his face for the third time in an minute and decide to help him out.

"You'll never see anything like that, come here," you say, twisting around on the sofa and reaching up to gather his hair in your hand. It's soft and smooth, the perfect length for a small ponytail, even the slightly shorter front bits gather nicely until the hair obstructing his view is all out of his face.

He flashes you a thankful smile and for a moment it takes your breath away. Merlin he's gorgeous.

"You gonna plait mine next?" George teases, pulling you away from your focused gaze until you glare at him playfully. Only when you turn around do you notice that Lee has joined you all again, dropping some coins into the briefcase, having apparently been selling.

"Feeling left out Georgie? I'm thinking pigtails for you," you joke, earning a mock laugh from George but his sweet smile after let's you know he enjoys the playful banter. "Actually, please let me," you add with a pleading look in your eyes, actually wanting to get your hands on his hair.

"Only if you tell me something," he barters, smirking at you. You frown but nod anyway.

"Does your bra match your underwear?" He asks casually, as if he was asking for the time. He gives you the cheesiest smile he can and you burst out laughing at his supposed 'payment'. Fred bursts out with another laugh, completely ignoring the thing he was trying to construct as he throws his head back with a laugh.

"Rotten boys," you mumble, looking between the two giggling twins, never more thankful that this is your life.

#emeritusemeritus #emeritusemerituswrites #harry potter #fred weasley #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x reader #george weasley x you #fred weasley imagine #george weasley #fred weasley masterlist #weasley twins x you #fred weasley x reader x george weasley #requests

74 notes · View notes

a-d-nox · 9 months

Text

yuletide gift game [ status: closed ]

the receipt

the review log

hello, my friends/followers! we are nearly done with the year - why not celebrate one of the most magical times of the year, so here i am hosting another ask game. i truly appreciate each and everyone of you - i hope all are having a lovely holiday season! i also appreciate everyone who has purchased a reading from me this year and thus paying for my green glyphs collection (so let's use them some more this game) AND all my presents for others this season!

please follow the rules (listed below) to participate →

i. you must be following me.

ii. reblog or like this post.

iii. only one ask per account! secondary asks regarding the game will be deleted.

iv. send the emoji that corresponds with the deck you want and your initials.

v. ask your question - look at reading types for limitations. THE LIMITS THAT APPLY ACROSS ALL READING TYPES: no legal, no pregnancy, and no illness.

vi. let me know what you look forward to seeing or hope to see on my blog next year, what you yourself are excited for next year, what you are hoping to receive as a gift this holiday season, OR what you are excited to give someone else this holiday season!

vii. asks that are missing the above requirements will receive a response of "game request denied".

viii. please be patient! i'm working full time, so i don't have a lot of time to sit down and do back to back readings (you can dm me and ask if yours ask sent or where you are in my queue - but please don't spam me as it won't make the process go faster, it will actually slow me down because i am answering you instead of answering asks). i will leave the game open until the end of yule (january 1, 2024) or until i reach 50 asks!

ix. feedback is greatly appreciated, but not required - it's always good to know if my intuition and interpretation of the cards was accurate (especially since i these are still relatively new decks and i am not sure if they vibe with me yet).

game options →

🌲TREE🌲

wryd web. ask me about any of your orbs or a section you don't understand (either on a personal web or compatibility web) BUT not the full web (limit 3 orbs - so you can do the karmic tail, your romance chain, your money chain, a chakra (the physics, the energy, and the emotions), etc.). BIRTHDATE IS REQUIRED IN ASK OR TO BE PROVIDED IN A DM.

⛸️ICE SKATES⛸️

runes. good for warning words or words of inspiration, past/present/future, advice, or general vibe checks.

🎁PRESENT🎁

lenormand. functions similarly to tarot - can be questioned like tarot EXCEPT NO "yes or no" questions. open interpretations given the line of cards - i will give you the meanings (so you can also see some answers or phases i may not think of because it is open to interpretation - you are the expert of your situation) and what i believe is the answer.

🕊️TURTLE DOVE🕊️

animal spirit. could be used to tell you what your present animal spirit is, the animal in your way and what animal energy you need to encompass to overcome them, and/or the animal you were / animal you are / animal you could become. NO "yes or no" questions.

🕯️CANDLE🕯️

oracle. great for advice! NO "yes or no" questions.

❄️SNOWFLAKE❄️

tarot. no explanation needed - everyone knows how tarot works. for yes or no questions, i generally pull three cards and do majority rule with explanation (i.e., "yes because...", "no, but...", etc.").

97 notes · View notes

birdmitosis · 10 months

Text

Since a minor theme for today's posts seems to be Voice of the Opportunist thoughts... You know, I actually quite like the guy. He's nowhere near the top of my list of fave Voices -- in fact, he'd probably be in my bottom three -- but I've grown to sincerely love all of them in their own ways.

Paranoid

Cold

Contrarian

Hunted

Hero

Cheated

Skeptic

Broken

Opportunist

Stubborn

Smitten

Like, that's probably my rough order of Voices? But I really love Stubborn and Smitten too at this point, like a lot. And Opportunist... really interests me. I don't feel as bad about him as I think a lot of people do. (Thoughts under the cut!)

I think what gets me about Opportunist is that, while he can come across very badly for sure, I think there are two main things he wants that drive all of his (very bad) ideas: He very badly wants to be liked, but that's secondary to the fact that he wants to survive. He's just geared strongly towards survival in a way that's more... social than physical. He wants to side with the people he thinks are the most powerful without actually upsetting anyone, until he gets to a point where he feels like we have enough power to be able to wield it. And as one of the Voices, he is actually very "we"-focused -- he talks about looking out for number one, yes, but you're all kind of a collective "number one" and he maybe makes that most clear in The Wraith chapter, where he never wavers from vocally trying to make the situation better for himself and Hero and Paranoid. He never threatens any of the other Voices either -- and not even, iirc, the Narrator, though he does turn his back on the Narrator when it becomes clear he's something of a paper tiger -- just the Princess, in situations where she has proven how dangerous she is, and not even always then. (Again, in The Wraith, he's not even pleased to have overpowered her if you decide to toss her into a bottomless pit.) He does want to be liked, too, that much is clear and seems to be completely sincere. He likes traveling (or at least the idea of it) because he thinks it makes him "relatable." He totally unnecessarily tries to smooth everything over with you and the other Voices in a way that doesn't always, to me, feel like him just being mealy-mouthed in a self-serving way; the example of this that stands out to me is in The Moment of Clarity, when Stubborn and Contrarian are tired of Skeptic's philosophizing and he jumps in to reassure, "They're good questions. Great questions, even. But they don't have any answers," and there's something oddly... gentle/reassuring about the delivery. The way you get him usually shows how he's geared to your (collective) survival and why he doesn't trust the Princess: In the first chapter, if you don't take the blade but then use it to kill her, that's your only chance to get him. But you get him in one of two ways: Go back upstairs for the blade after talking to her, in which case the Protagonist has probably legitimately decided that things aren't adding up and she's actually secretly more dangerous than she's letting on (and because she is "a creature of perception" she then reveals that to be true!), or trying to kill her after the Narrator possesses you, in which case there's that clear "hierarchy" of "the Narrator is too powerful if he can just choose to control us" (and also makes his trying to appease the Narrator in the later chapters make sense). And he is like the Witch, and honestly, in some ways I think it's understandable that he's resistant to changing even when she does. She is the one who changes based on our perception, and if I'm at all right that the Voices are the pieces that break off of us because we can't change like that but they represent her perception of us, well. The Protagonist and the Witch can choose to change and break the cycle in a way the Opportunist has a harder time with. But he is much like her: "This dangerous person killed me last time, we need to maneuver this situation in a way where we can kill her without her killing us again." And a big problem with him is that he is 100% wired into that survival instinct even when it's not necessary! He wants to betray the Thorn even after she hands us the blade back! But he also just came from a chapter in which we handed her the blade trustingly and she immediately stabbed us, which doesn't excuse it but does I think explain why when he talks about slaying her right then and there he says something along the lines of "we have power right now and we may never get this chance again" -- he's still expecting this to go very badly for us.

The other ways you get him in the various Chapter IIIs also back this up, I think: In The Razor, you try to "appeal to her better nature" after she's already killed you twice (and maybe a lot more!), which is again just him trying to survive long enough to turn the tables on a threat. To get him in The Wild, the Beast first has to eat you alive, but then you stab her to death instead of letting her escape or just killing yourself, taking advantage of being close to vulnerable organs to take her down with you. (And I will say, while I adore Contrarian, I find him much more obnoxious to have in The Wild chapter.) To get him in The Wraith, you have to take the blade in The Nightmare chapter but agree to free her, then slay her either at the door when the Narrator locks it on you (again, the Narrator showing he's more powerful than he should be) or after Paranoid straight-up says "if I absolutely had to choose I slightly prefer that we kill her" -- and then, oddly, he does spend the entire Wraith chapter trying to soothe her and get her to forgive and hire/protect not just himself but the Protagonist, Hero, and Paranoid (and is actually like "this was a bad decision, there's going to be no way to smooth this over" if you do choose to toss yourself into the void with her). And in The Moment of Clarity, he is oddly gentle with the other Voices for the most part and also advises just letting her out because it'll all be okay for them if they do. All of this is just to say that, like... Yeah, he can be mealy-mouthed and backstabbing and obnoxious. But I also don't think he's a backstabber for fun. He wants to be either at the top when it comes to "who's the most powerful," or at the right hand of whoever is at the top, but at the same time I think that stems from him just wanting to feel safe -- and what's safer than no one else having power over you? Especially when that power's been used to steal your autonomy or kill you so, so many times? In some ways he's low-key like Hunted and Paranoid: "What will keep us alive?" and "I don't trust anyone but us (unless I feel like I have to)" are kind of an undercurrent to everything he says and does. ...That also means that if he got his own body I think he'd be in an interesting position. He might have some issues at first with being more "look out for number one now means me and not us," or at least having some instinctive feelings in that direction -- but at the same time he might feel more at ease having complete control over his own body, since the Protagonist losing that control seemed to low-key freak him out more than once in the Construct and his smooth-talking might have had a lot to do with how he felt his words were the only power he had since he wasn't in control of the body. So there's a chance he'd struggle with staying quite as group-oriented at first, but there's also a chance that he might be able to relax at least a bit.

#slay the princess #slay the princess spoilers #voice of the opportunist #headcanons #this counts as that right?#i do really like this guy #there's a reason i think he'd work especially well with hunted #and i'm kind of sad for him that he seems to really want to be liked but none of the other voices seem to like him particularly much

100 notes · View notes

adventuringblind · 1 year

Text

The Void: Chapter One

Max Verstappen x reader x Charles Leclerc

Summary: Reader and her brother Michael are hiding from their father. A man with a special ability that she inherited. When Max is in danger one night, she's forced to confront her fear to save him.

Warnings: gore if you squint, monsters?, blood, talks of murder, talks of abuse and neglect

Notes: PLEASE READ THIS! Void walking is my own original idea! I'm writing this as an experimental way of actually seeing how it would work. Please do not copy this idea!

Masterlist

Sometimes, she hates that it's the rich people of the world that could get away with murder. Other times, she remembers that technically, they are the ones who pay her.

Well... they pay her brother. She just exists. Pretending to useful.

Michael had said she needs keep herself as hidden away as possible. Their father would most likely only come looking for her since she inherited his terrible ability.

He'd called it a few things; void walking, reality shifting, hell, the works. The fact she and him can see into a world that's different and yet so similar is terrifying. One moment there is no door then you simply shift realities and then the door is there for you to escape through and people are left to wonder how you just walked through the wall.

The terrible part is that the alternative is terrifying to look at. Like every odd creature and demonic figure has been placed there. Scary monsters from her nightmares and blood spatters from unknown entities.

At fist she didn't know how to control it at all. Somehow ending up in the world where things where constantly trying to kill her. But then she learned that nit all monsters are bad. Some of them do their best to help her and keep her safe or even provide things her father couldn't.

Michael had taken her and ran when he turned eighteen. He promised to start new where they could live freely. She wouldn't say this is very 'free' but it's better then living with her serial killer father.

He'd managed to worm his way into the world of F1. How? She has absolutely no idea. He did his time and moved up the ranks and is now one of the top engineers with Redbull. The garage she spends her time hiding away in.

It's not like she's elusive. She's always orbiting around her brother and helping his out even though she's not being paid.

Michael just lets her help him woth his work because it keeps her busy and out of her head. Well - out if the secondary world she lives in.

Now she finds herself aimlessly reading a book in the Redbull hospitality. Her phone lighting up with Michael's caller ID.

"Hello? You know I'm not that far away right?" She answers sarcastically. The huff in her brothers voice is less then amused.

"Yes, I know, but I need a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"The kind where you bring me something to eat because it's past noon and I'm starving and I'll let you explore the city tonight." He proposes. Hesitant woth the way he says it. Michael rarely lets her go anywhere alone. Monaco seems like the worst place to do so but the thought of escaping his eagle eye for an hour is enough to make her not question it.

"Deal."

The walk down would have been swift. Had a certain Dutch driver been paying attention and she wasn't lost in her own thoughts.

Now she's frantically apologizing and he's just looking at her smiling. The stupid smile that makes her melt.

Since her brother is one of Max's highest engineers, she spends a decent amount of time around him. They'd become fast friends since they met.

They were much younger then. She was seventeen and Max was nineteen. Now Max has just turned twenty-three and is on his way to a possible title.

It's been hectic and they'd barely had time to talk as of late. So it's a bit funny that their first conversation they'd had in a couple weeks is her frantically apologizing for running straight into him.

At least she wasn't void walking and ran through him instead. That would've been awkward and hard to explain.

"Why are you apologizing so much?" He chuckles. The action only makes her more flustered.

Her choulders eat her ears in embarrassment. "Just feel bad, I guess."

"I'm assuming you're heading to the garage for your brother?"

"He's getting hangry." She rolls her eyes. Mostly just annoyed that she had to put down her book for this.

Max holds out an arm for her to take. Almost like something out of a medieval romance which does nothing good for her imagination. "Can I walk you then?"

"What's your angle, Verstappen?"

"Can I not just want to spend five minutes with my friend?"

That evening Michael makes good on his promise to let her out alone. Max had invited her over to his apartment that night if she had time to spare.

Even offered to meet her halfway. An offer she accepted because she comes to Monaco for one weekend out of the year and has a tendency to get turned around when she doesn't have a set route.

She walks around the dock waiting for him. The moon light bounces off the water as the soft sounds of the water moving about fills her ears. It's peaceful here.

Until it's not.

Shadows are the dominate species in the void. Ghastly figures that could terrify most. And most do terrify her. But not all of them are evil and she's formed a few close bonds with the kind shadows she's met.

Her father's shadows were terrifying to look at and even more terrifying to fight. She thinks this is why as a child, the shadow she effectively called Fang because her small mind saw big fangs and decided upon that, came to her aid. It bore its teeth to protect her and has done so since she was five. Sometimes when she is upset, Fang will shrink into a small soft creature and lay over her lap. Like a really demented looking dog. That doesn't mean Fang isn't cute, just the only comparison she can make.

Now Fang is attempting to get her attention. Something or someone is here and it's not anything good.

She breathes before letting her mind lets her body slip a little into the void. The red sky and dirty water make her want to vomit but the sight of Fang makes it tolerable.

She follows it's lead around the corner and she's grateful the layout of the dock is the same. Aside from it being broken and rusted of course.

The muffled shouts are what takes her off guard. She can now clearly see Max being attacked. By who she has no idea. But the world she grew up in showed her that people do crazy things for no reason other then the high.

"Hey Fang, wanna play fetch?" The shadow looks at her with a glint of excitement. The bare eyes still light up with emotion even if it's hard to see." Just don't kill anyone."

The void deals a lot in energy. If her energy surrounds something enough then she can interact without regardless of how she's seeing it. That, in turn, means Fang also can because of their bond.

The female slips out her pocket knife and walks steadily towards them. Three unknown and a Max. Simple enough.

About 6 meters away, they finally notice her. She can faintly hear Max's muffled shouts through the unknown figure clamping their hand over his mouth.

She throws the knife then shifts again to the void. She just continues walking as Fang snatches it out of the air and land directly of the figure hold max. The knife sinks into their thigh. The shifts back to check the damage and Max is now scrambling to stand up and the knife has disappeared. Still in the void with Fang.

"Let him go unless you want more!" She shouts. Her voice melding with the sound of the water.

They look at each other a debate whether it's worth it. They obviously aren't prepared for a real fight.

She can feel Fang brush against her leg. Another great thing about their bond. Being able to feel the other despite not being shifted.

The three end up running away with their tail between their legs. Then she walks to Max to make sure he's okay.

They hug as soon as their proximity is close. Her head hurts from shifting so much. She doesn't normally do it that much they quickly. Even as she's walking her vision keeps switching between navy blue and deep red.

It switch back to blue and she takes a moment to assess Max. "Are you alright? You're not hurt?"

"No and I definitely owe you one for saving me. But what was that? I mean- how did you...?" He starts to maxplain but doesn't get far as her vision switchs once again. This time revealing something terrifying.

She knows what's going to happen. She'll get stuck between worlds. This power is far from perfect and has a tendency to set somone perfectly inbetween worlds. She can feel and see Max and also the shadow with spindly claws that's approaching her.

It's not a nice shadow and she's pissed it off somehow. Probably just disturbed it.

It's arms reach around Max and it caresses her cheek drawing. It burn as it pierces her skin and draws a line across her cheek.

"Y/N? You okay?" Max is shaking her shoulders to get a response. "You're bleeding now. I watched it appear out of thin air!"

Fang is immediately in protector mode. It's massive teeth and now exponentially larger size then before makes them intimidating.

The two end up in a brawl. She can hear the whispers of other memories and entities in the void. It's never a kind place to end up and she feels for the gentle shadows who endure daily.

She sinks to the ground and clutches her ears. Her attempt at blocking them out is futile. The whispers always make it in. They creep around her skin. They paint out the ugly lies.

Then her body is being jostled. It's a miracle she can even be moved from the outside. Normally she becomes a ghost because she can only be tied to one at a time. Her body only interacting with one even if it's still see in the other.

Being stuck between makes twice as many things in the way. But here in Max's hold she tries to think about how she's safe. She thinks about how his skin is warm and how he smells like citrus and the sun.

To say Max is panicked would be an understatment. The girl in his arms keeps getting stuck on things that aren't there and he's about to lose his mind.

Whatever sort of mime work this is needs to stop. She's bleeding and hyperventilating and now her sleeve is torn open.

He needs to get her to his apartment so that they can talk about what's going on. Which is what he would've done if she didn't completely pass out in his arms.

The entire walk back is painful. It's even painful trying to get her to sit down because she's still hitting non-existent objects.

She ends up in the tub. He'll apologize later but right now is not the time. He pulls out the first aid and puts her brother on speaker. He sends a silent prayer that he's still awake.

"Max? Everything okay?" He sounds perfectly ready to take on a five mile sprint. How does he have so much energy after he worked on the car for ten hours straight?

"Actually I have you sister and I think some invisible force is trying to kill her." He realizes how stupid it sounds after he says it. The silence on the other end makes him think Michael is about to die of laughter.

"Is she awake?" His tone completely changes into something serious and Max begins to panic just a little more.

"No, she passed out halfway to my apartment."

"I need you not to panic about anything, okay? Just do as I say and then I'll explain later."

"Okay."

Ten minutes. It took him ten minutes to wake her up. Her screams and thrashing from the initial wake up were calmed when she realized it was him. Her brother still on speaker talking her through something.

"Y/N, I need you to relax. Is Fang there?"

"Yes." The crack in her voice hurts him. He'd known her for years now but had never seen her like this.

"Is there something attacking you?"

"Not anymore."

Attacking? Max does his best to hide the shock. Has she been getting attacked by invisible things? For some reason he feels a bit selfish for never noticing it. She noticed everything. Knew Jos was not the greatest person with a single look. She always knew how he was feeling. How had he not been able to reciprocate?

Max shakes himself of his thoughts. Hew needs to be present for her right now.

"You have to shift the balance again. I know it's hard, but I need you to lean into my voice and Max's presence."

Her eyes screw closed in concentration. Max can't help but admire the way she looks when she's concentrated because it's different from how he looks. His is angry and fierce concentration, but hers is almost curious and welcoming.

When her eyes flicker back open she heaves a sigh of relief. Her head twists around as if to fully understand where she is.

"I did it." She almost beams. Max has no idea what she did but he smiles proudly anyway. If only to be supportive of his friend.

He's never liked that word for them. Friend. He needs to get a handle on his thoughts. She almost died and he's thinking about his relationship status. But maybe this is a good thing. Daniel would say it's probably a sign he should Confess. Has told him to do so for a year now.

"So the options now are that I can explain to Max, or you can explain to Max."

She ponders for a moment. Her eyes stare into him like she's assessing something. "I will."

"Do you want me here or do you want to do it alone?"

"I'll be okay."

Max stares at her for the fifth time. She'd explained it to him multiple times and answered his questions the best she knows how.

"It's a lot to take in, I'm sorry I'm struggling to understand." He shoots her an apologetic glance.

She just shrugs in return. "To be fair, I don't even completely understand it."

"I'm also sorry about your dad."

"Not like yours is any better. No need to compare, we've both been through things." She smiles him.

They're sat on his bed, limbs sprawled out comfortably. Soft music plays in the background.

"Can I... I want to... follow me?" Max starts speaking with his hands instead and gestures to the balcony attached to his room.

The two step outside. The fresh air is nice after breathing in the ash of the void.

Max faces her. The eye contact is terrifying, but she holds it. She knows it's how he tries to communicate his feelings. "I have a confession." She nods her head to show she's listening. Max's hands tentatively sup her cheeks, but he relaxs when she lets herself lean into it. "I've loved you for a while now. Ever since last year, when you sat with me for hours, consoling me over something stupid."

"It wasn't -"

"Not the point." He shushs. "I'm trying to tell you that my heart hurts thinking you've been hurting all this time and I want to be there for you in a way that I can't as just a friend." He finally confesses.

She stares at him wide eyed but her smile is radiating. "I love you too, Max. I panicked when I saw you pinned down. Couldn't bare the thought of something terrible happening and losing you." She places a hand over his.

It happened so quickly. The feeling of his lips on hers. Then they were gone.

"I'm gonna be there for you now too. No more hiding away from me."

She finds herself getting lost in the blue of his eyes. How could she refuse him such a thing? "I promise."

85 notes · View notes