#ahhh putting writing on the internet makes me nervous

[ongoingaccident-deleted]

Martin Mantles Sanguine

So inspired by this absolutely gorgeous artwork and someone’s tags that I cannot for the life of me find (if they were your tags please let me know, I’d love to properly thank you for inspiring me) saying something along the lines of “what if Martin had to mantle Sanguine before the end of the main quest?” I have written some garbage start to a longer story based on that premise. Full thing under the cut! :) It is completely unedited as of now, so I apologize for any mistakes and would like to thank you for reading in advance!

It was the night before they were to head to the Imperial City and see Martin crowned when she had the dream. It was... odd, to say the least, for someone who rarely dreamed to have one that was so very vivid, but even more odd was the content.

When she looked down, Adelaide realized she was not on Nirn anymore - instead, she was in some glowing plane of reality that seemed to have no beginning and no end. The strangest part, however, was the flaming dragon before her, and it got stranger still when the dragon began to speak.

“Adelaide Darrell, the one they call the Hero of Kvatch, know me for who I am.” The fiery creature spoke with a voice that she thought could move mountains or dig canyons. She wasn’t sure if the visceral feeling it left in her gut was terror or awe. “I am Akatosh, and I require your obedience.” That would explain the booming voice and the dragon and the glowing realm. Best to hear him out, then - not that she seemed to have much of a choice. “You are too late. As we speak, the armies of Mehrunes Dagon march on the Imperial City. He will arrive in Tamriel before you can light the Dragonfires, and you cannot fight him as you are.”

This whole thing had gone very quickly from a really interesting dream to a concerningly realistic nightmare. Adelaide tried not to let the fact that she was speaking to one of her gods intimidate her too much. “What should I do?”

The dragon let out a puff of air that could have been exasperation or amusement. She wasn’t sure which option concerned her more. “There is a portal in the middle of the Niben Bay. You must enter it and become something more than yourself. Only a god can defeat another god.”

It seemed that the stereotype of divine beings being infuriatingly cryptic was correct after all. “What about Tamriel? What will become of it while I’m gone?”

Akatosh eyed her, and again Adelaide failed to discern whether it was with approval or distaste. “Time in Oblivion passes differently than it does in Mundus. No Nirn time will pass while you are gone. But you must be swift. Obey me, or Tamriel will fall.” Before she could say anything else - before she could think anything else - he was gone.

For an instant, everything went black and she had the oddest sensation of free-falling through space before she woke with a jolt. She had taken to sleeping on the floor of Martin’s quarters when she was at the temple, but they were as dark as they had been when she went to sleep.

Adelaide breathed heavily for a moment as she tried to think what to do - that had been too clear a dream to ignore outright - when Martin also awoke with a muffled noise.

She was on her feet and at his side in an instant, but the look he gave her as he sat up did little to calm her nerves. “You’ll never believe the dream I had,” he said lightly, but his voice was stiff and she knew he was more troubled than his words implied.

Adelaide met his eyes, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, knew with frightening certainty what his dream had been like. “He came to you too, then,” she whispered. “It was no dream.”

Martin took one of her hands in his and gripped it tightly, and for a moment they stood there in silence before he spoke. “He did. We should go.” But he didn’t move to stand or leave.

Adelaide squeezed back before gently (oh so gently, she could never risk hurting him) pulling hers away and picking her cuirass up off of the floor. “It will be all right. I do not know what this journey shall bring, but we will have one another. But we cannot wait. The situation is dire.”

Martin sighed softly as he stood. “I don’t think we will be together, but you’re correct. We cannot tarry.”

He padded over to his wardrobe as she froze in between straps of her gauntlets. “What do you mean? You aren’t coming to the Niben Bay?”

Martin removed his plain grey priest robe as he shook his head. “I am heading to the Imperial Reserve, north of Skingrad.” His voice was tight, but she wasn’t sure why. Certainly the situation was stressful and sudden and far from ideal, but she got the feeling that there was a memory bothering him.

“Are you all right?” she asked suddenly, pulling up one of her sabatons. But Martin shook his head again as he began to dress and she turned her eyes away.

“I am fine, but it is no matter. You are correct. We cannot delay. We must obey Akatosh.” He was lying and she could tell, but Adelaide didn’t press the issue. As with everything else, Martin would tell her when he felt ready.

They finished their preparations in silence before heading toward the stables. Jauffre was sitting alone in the great hall, and started when he saw them. “Where are you going? We aren’t leaving until the morning.”

Adelaide hesitated, unsure of what to say, but Martin answered for them. “We have been given a task we must complete. We will meet you in the Imperial City tomorrow.” She could tell that Jauffre was distinctly displeased with the idea, but Martin’s tone brokered no argument. The grandmaster tried anyway.

“It isn’t safe, sire. Please at least take an escort if you must leave.”

But Martin shook his head. “We must leave immediately, and we must go alone. Please, my friend, we can waste time no longer.”

Adelaide could pinpoint the exact moment at which Jauffre relented. His eyes dropped and his shoulders sagged as he heaved a deep sigh. “Very well. Do what you must. We will be waiting for you. Gods-speed, sire.”

Martin took the older man’s hands in his and smiled gently. “Thank you, Jauffre.”

Adelaide tried not to think too hard about what would happen if they didn’t succeed - that was irrelevant, now. They would win, or they would die, and so would everyone else.

She and Martin saddled and mounted their horses quietly. Any attempts at small-talk died quickly - they had become very close over the last few weeks, but the situation was too serious for them to distract themselves with idle conversation. Their ride, too, was quiet and tense as they listened for bandits or cultists or worse. But as tense as it was, the end was more difficult still.

Adelaide clasped Martin’s arm gently as he turned his horse toward the hills. “Be safe.” She hesitated a moment before continuing. “I do not know what Akatosh asked of you or why it torments you so, but you can overcome this.” She swallowed heavily and didn’t meet his eyes. “I will see you soon.”

But before she could turn away, Martin pulled her into an awkwardly positioned almost-embrace. “Thank you, Adelaide. For everything. Stay safe, and we will meet again soon.” Despite her discomfort, she held him until he pulled away.

“Until then, Martin.” And despite every instinct she had screaming at her to ride with him, to help him, to protect her emperor from the dangers that were assuredly ahead, she turned her horse down the road and continued to ride.

Thankfully, it was only another two hours’ ride to the bay, and the time passed uneventfully. (Akatosh’s protection? Perhaps.)

As Adelaide approached the gates to Bravil, she could make out a distant, shining object in the center of the bay. Whatever Akatosh had been telling her of, no doubt. With a slight sigh, she dismounted and loosely looped Antinea’s reins around a tree next to the stables. “I’ll return soon,” she told the horse. “If there’s danger, run.”

With that, she waded into the bay, intensely grateful that she was a strong swimmer. The glowing object in the center of the bay was far, but not unreachable, and became clearer the closer she got. As she approached, Adelaide realized it was actually an island with a portal in the center.

Her blood chilled when she heard the voice commanding her to enter - Akatosh had sent her to a Daedra. (Martin too, most likely - an even more concerning thought.) But she was nothing if not loyal, and after a moment to steel herself, she stepped into the door.

Later, Adelaide would swear she had spent weeks inside the glowing door. But to any outside observers, she had only just entered the portal when Sheogorath emerged, tilted her head slightly, and laughed.

A moment later, she shook her head as if to clear it and stood up straight, looking completely changed from a few seconds before. A staff topped with a rolling eyeball appeared in her hand for a moment before it disappeared again as she turned her gaze toward the Imperial City.

A storm was rolling in.

--

That’s all I have for now, but I’ve been on a roll writing this and have already started the next part, so if people are interested I’ll probably put that up too! Thank you for reading and I really hope you enjoyed! :D

[deepspacedukat]

Hey friend! 😄 Sorry for being semi MIA lately. With getting ready for the new school year of college plus helping my mom set up her classroom which they moved her to a new grade and new classroom in the older part of the building so that room needed everything from holes in the wall patched to a new paint job, my guinea pig was also getting over a cold that I had to give her medicine for, and I ended up stress buying a new but sickly plant (Venus fly trap) only to add more work to myself. I’ve been tired. 😂

I did want to make sure I mentioned that I absolutely loved 💙 the Shran story you posted ‘The Spectacles’! That was so cute especially how Shran was nervous to board the enterprise because of the reader! The part where he put the ushaan-tor up to his neck giving the reader a choice to accept or reject him made me melt!!☺️ Especially knowing how much Andorian’s love fighting and dueling even in love that he lost/forfeited a fight for a human, he skipped right to the question. All in all like all your writing 1000/10!!!

Hi friend!! No worries! We all have obligations that take us away from our blogs. That’s just life; no need to apologize at all, I promise! 💙 Well, it sounds as though you’ve gotten a lot done! I hope your guinea pig has a swift recovery, and that your new venus flytrap gets stronger! Not strong enough to take over the world, just normal, carnivorous plant strong lol. Definitely make sure you rest up! Helping others and fulfilling obligations is good, but your health should never fall to the wayside. Stay hydrated, fed, and rested! - Love, your internet mom-friend 💖

Aww, friend, that’s so sweet of you!! Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Ahhh, I’m so glad the ushaan-tor part came across the way I intended! I was in A State™ emotionally when I wrote that, so I didn’t know if I’d managed to convey what I wanted lol. I’m so so glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the love!! 💜

Excuse my self-indulgent self-promotion moment, but for anyone who hasn’t read “The Spectacle(s)” and wants to, I’m just gonna put the link here. Links to all my fics can be found in my pinned Welcome post which doubles as a fic masterlist. ✨

[miyaniacs]

Distance

a/n: hey there, felt like writing a lil angst again, it’s not too bad though :) again, tell me if you want a second part and if you want to get tagged (comment or sent an ask) ALSO not  Tumblr deleting my post right after posting so here you go again.

masterlist

characters: Oikawa Tooru x fem!reader  (but I try to keep it as gn as possible and avoid using female pronouns/ characteristics)

format: angst oneshot

warnings: angst, mentions of cheating

It’s so hard to look at your phone right now.

On screen you see the beautiful face of your boyfriend. His soft brown hair into his face, his eyes are closed, his mouth slightly open. He is shirtless and thanks to the light of his own phone you can make out parts of his toned arms.

But why is it hard to look at such a beautiful few?

Well, the fact that he lives across the world.

You just woke up and he just fall asleep.

Your fingers ghost over your screen, over the picture of his soft skin. How badly you wish to be with him right now, to be in his arms, to caress his cheek, to play with his hair, to feel his lips on yours again.

You mumble a soft “I love you.”, and end the call.

You missed him so badly, your heat arches every time you see him on your screen.

Forcing yourself out of the bed, you get dressed, putting on the beautiful necklace Oikawa gifted you on your first year anniversary and put your hair in a bun. Putting your laptop and Keyes you leave your home, heading to a small cafe, in hopes to finally start your essay.

Three pages later, someone sits down in front of you.

Looking up, you see Luca  one of your classmates.

“Hey Y/N.“  He smiles brightly and places a new cup of coffee next to you laptop, “For you, I thought you need it.“ He smiles even more now. With a smile you thank him and take a sip of the coffee.

“Did you already finished the essay?“ You ask with a sigh looking at your document.

“Finished it last night.“ He laughs and adds: “Do you need some help?“ Thankfully you accept his offer.

A few coffees later, you finally click “Sent“ on your email browser and close the laptop.

“Thank you so much!“ You look up at him, your head resting on your closed laptop.

You never really looked at him. His skin is tanned, dark brown hair, which he is right now pushing backwards. His eyes are a beautiful golden color, dark long lashes, making them even more prominent. From the perspective you got, you can clearly see the muscles flex under his shirt, as he pushes his hair back, his prominent jawline perfectly displayed as he slightly tilts his head to the side. His full lips turn into a smile as he waves his hand in front of your face.

“Hey? Y/n? I was asking something.“ He laughs and you snap out of your thoughts. “Sorry..“ You mumble embarrassed.

“It’s fine, I was just asking if you want to grab something for dinner?“ He repeats and lightly scratches his neck.

“Yes sure!“ You smile and start packing your stuff. On your way out, your phone vibrates.

Looking at it, you smile seeing it was a video call from your boyfriend. Quick you throw your back over your shoulder and tell Luca that you have to get this call real quick.

“Hey sleeping beautyyy.“ You tease as soon as you see Oikawas face.

“Hey, I need to keep up with your beauty.“ He winks and you blush. Luca walking next to you chuckles. “Oh, are you busy love?“ Oikawa asks.

“No, I just finished my essay thanks to Luca, and we’re about to get something to eat now.“ You smile and move your phone, so Oikawa was able to see the male, walking next to you. Frowning his brows, he looks at the phone. “Ahhh, I’m glad you finally finished it.“ He forces a smile, “Love, I’m sorry but I have to hang up now, practice starts earlier today.“ He lies and after saying your goodbyes he immediately puts the phone away.

He really doesn’t want to be jealous, he knew he can trust you, but seeing some random guy, doing what he is supposed to do? Helping you with your essays, taking you out to dinner … he’s supposed to be that person. Opening the calendar app, he checks his schedule.

“Perfect“ he  mumbles and opens google.

4 weeks later

The past weeks, yours and Oikawas Video chats got shorter and shorter, sometimes you even declined his call. You felt bad for it yes, but it was finals week and you spent all nighters all the time, together with Luca. The two of you got along really well and started spending more and more time together, growing pretty close.

He was always nice and helpful, not even complaining when you fell asleep on him while studying.

Today was the day of your last test, putting on one of the random hoodies, laying in your room, you hurry to your University, trying to call Oikawa, hoping to get some encouraging words from him, yet he didn’t pick up. “He probably is already asleep.“ You think and continue walking.

Still sad form not hearing your boyfriends voice that morning, you see Luca standing at the entrance of the University.

“Hey -  wait Y/n? What’s wrong? You just have to pass this test, we don’t get any grades, don’t ne too nervous.“ He says trying to cheer you up.

“No… I’m not nervous, I’m just sad, my boyfriend didn’t pick up today.“ You sigh. Putting an arm around your shoulders, he responds: “Well, it’s his loss, not seeing your beautiful face before he sleeps.“  It was normal for him to say things like that. He knew you had a boyfriend and you just assumed, he’s just naturally flirty, just like you and well… Oikawa.

“I just try calling him later that day..“ You sigh and together you two enter your classroom, ready to end this hell of a week.

A few hours later

“FREEDOM!“ You laugh at Luca, while you two walk down the hallways of your University.

“Ayyy, there’s your beautiful smile again.“ He teases and pokes your nose. „I just miss him, that’s all.“ You sigh. Luca remains silent and continues walking. Just as you two walk out of the building, Luca a few steps ahead, he stops  and spins around, standing right in front of you, grabbing your hands. You look up into his golden eyes, which seem to be glowing in the sunlight, but it wasn’t only the sunlight, there was a certain passion lighting them up.

“Luca? What are you doing?“ You ask confused.

“Y/n… I’m so sick to always see you sad. Shouldn’t he make more time for you? And pick up your calls? And come to visit you? Y/n… be honest with yourself, you aren’t made for a long distance relationship. You need physical contact, you need someone to hold you, to make you feel save, to make you feel wanted.“ He says and looks directly into your eyes.

You being to shiver under is gaze and feel tears well up.

Was it because what he said directly hit that weal point of yours? Triggering all the emotions you tried to ignore? Or was it the stress from the past weeks? It doesn’t matter now, you have to admit that he was right. The past months you always put on a mask. A mask to cover up the sadness that started spreading in your soul.

You loved Oikawa to death, yet there was this small dark part inside of your head asking if all of this was worth it. Was it worth staying up all those nights, just to talk to him and then fall asleep in class during the day? Sure he always said that you shouldn’t neglect your education for him, but you had to. You had to hear his voice, to see his face, to hear him say that he loves you. Especially when all you see over social media, was girls, even models, hitting on him, telling he’s their crush in interviews, seeing all those ships with him and certain models. Well especially one certain model. She was on the cover of the magazine of some famous brand and yes you stopped shopping there because you couldn’t see her face anymore. You knew you can trust him. It was him, bringing up this topic, telling you about his fears that at one point all those lies on the internet would get into your head. You promised it wouldn’t, yet here you are. In all honesty, you just needed to feel his touch again. It was easier to shut off those thoughts when they were occupied by his soft fingers caressing you. Deep down you knew Luca was right, you knew that this long distance relationship was fucking up your metal state, but it’s only until you finished University, you planned to move to Argentina so you’d be together again, or well he comes back to Japan.

Even from across the world, he was so loving and sweet. Waking up to a good morning text or his video call was a given at this point. Receiving random presents from him that suddenly appeared in your mail, receiving a bouquet of flowers, whenever he felt that you needed something to cheer you up. Sending you hand written love letters, that always made you tear up and which you kept in a box under your bed. He really did everything he could, being a perfect boyfriend. Your perfect boyfriend.

“Y/n… you can’t lie to me, I saw how you craved my touch.“ He underlines his words by softly running his fingers over your cheek, cupping your face, moving his tumb up and down, wiping away the small tears running down your face.

You feel exposed. You did enjoy the physical affection he gave you. His arm around you, leaning into his strong broad chest, having his fingers comb through your hair, his hugs, falling asleep and waking up in his arms… you really craved that. But you never craved that from him, you always wished it was Tooru, or did you?

You aren’t sure anymore. A few days ago, you had a dream, you were on a date with your boyfriend, Oikawa, but then he shifted into Luca and you can still feel your heart getting warmer when it shifted to him.

“Y/n… let me hep you erase the pain…“ he whispers and moves closer and closer to you until his lips touch yours.

It was a strange feeling.

His lips are smooth and soft, moving perfectly against yours.

He is gentle and careful, yet you can feel all the passion, he’s holding back at the moment, just waiting for you to fully accept the kiss.

The dark sadness inside of you begs to kiss back, to feel loved again, to feel wanted and desired.

But then there’s this sting inside your hear.

And the more seconds pass, the worse it gets.

This is wrong, you don’t want this.

You don’t want him.

You push Luca way and open your eyes.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a male with soft brown hair, walking away from the University.  

“Luca stop! You know that I love Oikawa! Stop taking advantage of me being vulnerable, I thought we’re friends…“ you scream whisper, tears full of ager and regret run down your cheeks now.

“But does he still love you?“ He asks smugly.

Looking at him, you you shake your head, why should he say that, there is no way Tooru would not love you anymore.

Puffing up your chest, you push him away again and start walking back home.

That night you tried calling Oikawa again, but he didn’t pick up.

Neither did he answer to any of your messages.

He still loves you.

He does.

Right?

tags: @writingfreakk​​ @volley-simp​​ ( I know you like him too soooo enjoy the tag lol) @saucysamu​​  @shoyosun​​ ( just because you knew of me writing this lol) @kenmasgameboy​​ ( so you can read some soft angst while being sober lol)

[606writings]

Hii, I was wondering if you could make a Todoroki request. Basically his gf/bf loves Billie Eilish( both of them are in the class 1-A) and one day, they have to keep the event in a secure state, but they would never imagine to see y/n singing “ all the good girls go to hell” with Billie. How would be their reaction and what todoroki would do after the song and after the presentation( it would be the American Music awards 2019), sorry if it’s too detailed and thank u 4 your attention 😊👋🏻👋🏻😊

SC: All the good girls go to Hell... [Todoroki Shoto]

Genre: Fluff.

Warnings: None.

Word count: 1,482

A/N: Okay this turned out a lot longer than I expected lmao. I tried my best with this since it was hard to find an excuse for Billie to invite Y/N to sing with her, but this definitely was so fun to write! I hope you enjoy it!

“I can’t believe we get to attend Billie’s concert!” You said making little jumps excited.

“We’re not attending her concert. We were ones of the many Pro Heroes summoned to be part of the security. Remember we’re not here to have fun, we’re working.”

You looked up to the Hero beside you and nodded intensely.

You were at the Tokyo Metropolitan Theater alongside the Pro Hero you were doing your Hero Agency Internships with, to ensure the safety of none other than Billie Eilish, the famous alternative pop singer. Her staff requested the assistance of a lot of Pro Heroes, since there were rumors on the internet that a group of haters would be attending the concert to create commotion and ruin the concert.

You weren’t the only one, some of your 1°A classmates were summoned too, accompanied by sidekicks of the Agencies they were working with, including your boyfriend, Todoroki.

You two haven’t seen each other since the whole Internship thing started because you were both busy, so you wanted to have some time off to chat with him. But that wasn’t what kept you fidgeting, you were more excited about the fact that you’ll be at one of your favorite singer’s shows, and maybe you’d get to see her in person.

“We have to escort the artist in and out of the building and confirm the identity of every person present in the room to ensure everyone’s safety. Understood?” Said the Hero.

“Yes, sir!”

When it was time to finally escort Billie into the building you positioned yourself where you were told, and from your place you could spot Todoroki’s peculiar hair. You tried getting his attention and he finally noticed you, he smiled at you and waved.

“The artist is entering the building. Confirm your positions.” You heard one of the bodyguards talk through his radio.

The staff continued to confirm everyone’s positions as they all started walking. You had to follow them and stay at a certain distance from them. But it was close enough for you to see her clearly.

‘It’s really her! I can´t believe it!’ You thought biting your lips to hold back the smile that kept looming out in your mouth.

Everyone was rushing through the hall to get to the dressing room as quick as possible. While all the heroes present continued studying the place in search of signs of any disturbance.

When you were almost at the dressing room’s door, you had to walk in front of her and enter the room first along with Todoroki and the sidekick hero accompanying him. And just when you opened the door, three masked people hurriedly came out and directed their attacks to Billie, a couple meters behind you.

Without waiting a second, Todoroki and the pro hero beside him reacted and took two of them down without even using their quirks. But the one remaining used his quirk to slip through them and ran directly to Billie.

You took a step back and blocked his way, he took out what seemed to be a paintball gun and shot aiming to Billie’s chest. You reacted quickly and used your quirk to stop the paint balls before they even hit her.

As you were just a hero in training, you weren’t allowed to use your quirks to attack someone, so your only option was to use a self-defense technique and with all your might, pin the person down keeping his arms behind him, pulling the gun away from him.

The rest of the pro heroes standing behind the staff came in hurriedly and took care of the situation. They apprehended the three of them and called the police, so they’d get arrested.

“Ahhh, well done, kids!” The two pro heroes in charge of Todoroki and you congratulated you. “You managed the situation well, now I know this was a good opportunity for you.”

“Are you two Pro Heroes?”

A sudden soft female voice called from behind you. You froze for a second recognizing her.

Watching how you petrified, Todoroki replied for the two of you:

“No, we’re still students. We’re doing internships.”

You turned around and found your favorite singer approaching you slowly with an incredulous look on her face.

“Well thank you, guys, that was amazing.”

“I-I…” You stuttered trying to get the words out of your mouth.

She looked at you, laughing lightly and looked back at Todoroki.

“What happened to her?” She asked your boyfriend.

“Uhh… I think she’s just nervous because she’s a big fan of yours.” He answered, placing a hand on your shoulder trying to calm you down.

“Oh, well…” Billie gazed at you, and while smiling she took a step forward. “You sing?”

“E-Excuse me?” You asked confused.

“Yes, she sings your songs all the time and she actually sounds great.” Todoroki answered for you once again, seeing how you still couldn’t believe the situation.

“Want to join me on stage?”

“WHAT?!” The question made you unfroze and step back surprised.

“I think the audience wouldn’t mind you singing a song with me, after all you’re a fan of mine and you protected me.”

“Umm… I don’t know…”

You felt a pair of hands pushing you slightly from behind and your boyfriend’s voice whispered in your ear:

“Come on, Y/N, I know you can do it. You shouldn’t miss this chance.”

Taking a deep breath and trusting Todoroki’s words, you nodded towards Billie and accepted her offering.

After that, Todoroki walked behind you all the way to the stage, trying to hide his smile. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was so happy to see you get the opportunity to collab at least for a moment with one of your favorite singers.

He knew how much you admired her and how you were looking forward to this night even if you could only see her from afar.

Billie finally came out to the stage and announced:

“Before starting the show, I would like to introduce someone who did a great job tonight. Back at the dressing room she protected me along with other heroes, but I wanted to thank her specially since she’s a fan of mine.”

Billie invited you to her side and the crowd started cheering.

Todoroki was waiting just a few steps aside where the staff watched through the show. He could spot some of his classmates working down the stage. They were obviously surprised and confused, but at the same time excited to see one of their friends perform with an international celebrity.

At that moment the lights went off and the piano started to play.

All the good girls go to Hell…

Billie’s smooth voice filled the theater and the crowd calmed down for a bit allowing her to raise her voice slowly.

‘Cause even God himself has enemies…

Todoroki remembered the lyrics since you were always singing at class or while going on a date. You had an amazing voice and could match up perfectly Billie’s.

He couldn’t deny that Billie Eilish was an incredible singer, but he was more excited to hear you sing.

The stage lighted up showing the singer standing up from a chair next to the piano, at the center. You walked to her side and continued singing.

Standing there, killing time.

While everyone admired your vocal skills, almost at the same level as hers, Todoroki observed you proudly.

Even though you looked like a shy girl at first, you were confident and strong. He wasn’t surprised when you took down that one guy before, because he always saw how much you trained and strived to be a good hero.

The song came to an end and you were panting, your face completely red from dancing and following Billie’s movements through the stage.

After parting from her, you approached your boyfriend.

“That was amazing, Shoto!”

He laughed and took your hand to guide you somewhere far from the staff, and finally arriving at the dressing room.

“You should rest for a bit, babe.” He suggested putting a kiss on your forehead.

“So, what do you think? Maybe I should quit this hero dream and become a singer.” You winked at him jokingly.

“But then we wouldn’t study and train together.” He pouted caressing your cheek.

“Mmm, you’re right, this is more fun.”

He glared at you for a few seconds before embracing you gently.

“I love to see you enjoy yourself like this, Y/N…” He murmured close to your ear, making you shiver.

“W-Why?”

“Because I can appreciate how bold and beautiful you are while doing the things you like… You look so happy, and that makes me ten times happier…” He sighed and placed another kiss on your flushed cheek.

You buried your face on his chest trying to hide your big smile.

And you knew perfectly what he meant because that’s exactly how you felt about him too.

[eowima]

Writing tag game

Thank you for tagging me @machiavelien @forasecondtherewedwon and @ctrls ❤️

Fandoms:

Spider-Man, Lucifer, Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, I wrote things for Harry Potter and Percy Jackson too (but never posted them), Titanic, hmmmm I think that's it

Tropes:

I never know what to write here xD but I’m currently writing for Idiots in Love, and that’s been so amazing ahhhhh Otherwise I guess missing scenes and writing from a different POV? 

Number of fics:

5 on Ao3, plus 3 more on my ff.net account, and tons of others that I've never posted

Fic I spent the most time on:

67% sure on Ao3, but clearly my Hunger Games from Peeta's POV fic, I started working on it in February 2012 and finished it in August 2012 :) ahhh good times (where I still HAD time and spent all of it writing haha) 

Fic I spent the least time on:

Probably Got into a fight with a dude from Brooklyn ‘cause that’s the only one-shot I’ve ever been able to write xD

Longest fic:

67% sure on Ao3 (50,280 words), and Le garçon des pains on ff.net (92,128 words)

Shortest fic:

Got into a fight a dude from Brooklyn (2,311 words)

Most hits/kudos/comment threads/bookmarks:

Hits: 4422 hits for 67% sure (that’s a nice number I LIKE IT)

(Let me check real quick my Peeta fic... Right, 56,064 hits LOL but that one is cheating, it’s been on the Internet FOR EVER.)

Kudos: 281 for 67% sure

Comment Threads: 55 for 67% sure (197 reviews on Le garçon des pains :O)

Bookmarks: aaaaaand 55 for 67% sure again

Total word count:

111,345 on Ao3, and if we add my other works on ff.net we haaaaaave 247,035 words! :D

Favorite fic I wrote:

I am very proud of my Peeta fic, but my favorite is the one I'm writing right now, Peter Parker's Plan, because it's helping me so much and overall making me really happy so that's pretty amazing in times like this.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:

I would LOVE to translate/rewrite my Peeta fic in English, that would be awesome but I'm not gonna do it because uhhh too much work LOL

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on:

A little sneak-peak from Chapter 6 of Peter Parker’s Plan :D

As the plane finally comes to a stop, they hear Mr Harrington’s voice over the chatter of the others passengers telling Midtown students to stay put until everyone else has left the plane, so that’s what they do. MJ is both excited to get on with the trip and nervous to see what’s going to happen next. Well, technically she knows what’s next, Harrington gave them a full itinerary sheet before they left New York, but her slight anxiety clearly isn’t due to wondering at what time they’re going to the Da Vinci museum or what they’re gonna do in Paris. However, it definitely has to do with the stupid boy sitting next to her.

Things happened during the flight, not obvious things like kissing or whatever – she’s not thinking about that, kissing Peter Parker, no that’s just deeply distracting really – but she’s pretty sure, like at least 72% sure, that they had a moment right before breakfast. Catching him not so subtly peek at her lips had rendered her absolutely speechless, and thinking back she really wonders what would have happened if they hadn’t been ‘interrupted’ by the stewardess.

I think everyone I know here has been tagged already but if not and you want to do it please do! :D

[conneruvu-blog]

Last year I took English 1010 and to be completely honest I didn’t learn a single thing. We would write tons of essays on random topics that we were assigned to do and had no interest in. We would never talk about them or what we were working on. It was more of I am supposed to give you guys assignments so here is a bunch of random busy work. Oh, and by the way we won’t ever discuss anything about it. Also, it better be exactly how I want it if you want a good grade. Good luck with that. So yeah, I would say English 1010 did not help my writing skills or research literacy unfortunately.  

Then in high school, well it was high school, so I am sure that you know that not a whole lot of people take it all that serious. Then I didn’t write another essay or do any English related work for 3 years until taking my first English class in college. I didn’t even go in with high expectations, yet my expectations of what I would learn and do were not even close to being met. But hey sometimes that’s life for you and you just have to learn to roll with the punches and move on.  

When I came into this class the first day I was a little nervous. Nervous I would be way behind and not be at the same level that all the other students were in their English and writing skills. I thought that I was going to have to fake it til I made it. Well thankfully I wasn’t the only one in the same boat. A few other students in the class had similar experiences in English 1010. Then you started asking what we learned in English 1010 and I was like “ahhh crap” and then started talking about stuff I had no idea about and hadn't learned. I thought this class was going to be a living hell and I would never understand anything. Well I can honestly say that this class taught me a lot. I was able to learn how to better my writing skills and was able to use them this semester. I know this sounds like I am kissing butt it is the truth.  

I had never really done a large research project where we would spend more than two weeks working on it. Until this semester that is, we worked on our topic for the whole semester. To be completely honest when we started the first project I had no idea that the topic we picked was the one we would be working on all semester. I thought it was just for the first little project. Well turns out I was quite very wrong. I guess you could say at this point I am quite sick of my topic and quite ready to be done with it. It was cool to learn about and study, but I need to be done with it.  

The topic I have been researching is technology and how it has changed how we live today. Technology is a part of our daily lives, we use it pretty much everywhere we go. Technology has changed how we live. We use it so much and often we probably wouldn’t be able to function without it. Everyone pretty much has a smartphone that they have with them at almost all times. A phone holds a person's life together. They have everything on their phone and don’t go anywhere without it. You now hold more information at your fingertips then you would ever need. “a phone is not for making just calls; we can check emails, order weekly food shopping, take photographs, listen to music, watch hours of videos; the list is endless”

Technology for a college aged student is used not only daily but hourly if not more. I am currently using technology to do my homework right now. Without technology I wouldn’t be able to turn it in unless in class. We rely on technology for so much that we do every single day of our lives. We use it in for our education, work, personal and social life.  

The use of technology in the classroom in college is only increasing. It is more common to have a class that uses technology over paper then have a class primarily done on paper. Technology has added new ways to learn and participate in the classroom. “Technologies can enhance learning by requiring interaction and active responses by students Cell phones, tablets, computers, and clickers can be used for students to respond to classroom activities. In this way the entire classroom is participating, and learning can be enhanced, especially compared with standard lecture.” In my experience I have noticed that when professors use technology in the class to teach the students are more engaged rather than just listen to a lecture. It is much easier to follow and stay focused when you are doing something when learning in the classroom.

Students are going to use their phone in class so we might as well make it useful. If they are participating and using their phone for class, they are less likely to use it for other purposes because they need it in order to participate and follow the lesson. Doing this can distract them from their usual in class phone habits. We live in a world where all college students have a phone and 95% of them bring it to all their classes. We know that they will have it with them it is just up to the professor to decide how they want their students to be using their devices.

Technology has changed the way we learn in school. We now use the internet for just about everything school related. I can’t think of the last time that I turned in an assignment that I didn’t use any technology for. We use it for everything we do at school. Before technology students would have to haul around books for each of their classes. If they had to do research, they would have to go to the library and find a book that they could use to try and research whatever it was they needed. I can’t even imagine doing school like this. I am so lucky to have access to anything information I could ever need and have it right at my fingertips and be able to access it instantly.  

Some schools are completely paperless now and they aren’t allowed to do anything on paper. This is becoming a more common thing in schools today to help push technology education. It also is better for the environment since we are no longer needing to use paper for every assignment, test, quiz, textbook etc. I know that for me I am a fan of the forward movement in becoming paperless in schools. I love doing my homework on the computer. I much rather carry around a laptop then stacks of books and tons of papers for each of my classes. It sure makes for a much lighter backpack which I am a fan of.  

I don’t understand the people who try and fight the use of technology. This is the way the world is moving and being able to know how to use it is going to be crucial in order to get by. Technology is a part of our everyday lives and will be from here on. Technoloy is becoming more common and only getting better and faster than ever. Technology is here to make our lives easier in a sense. Things that used to be done by hand are now able to be done over the internet. We no longer need to put in all this effort to do something that can so easily be done in just a few moments. We can be way more efficient with all the resources available to us.

The younger generation which I believe to be the generation I belong to is pretty tech savvy for the most part. All my friends and most people I know my age own a smart phone and use social media daily if not quite often. We understand that technology is something that we are going to have to use for the rest of our lives and in order to get by you need at least a basic understanding on how to use it. More and more jobs are requiring that you are knowledgeable in the technology field. The better you are at using technology the better off you will be in life. I love technology and look forward to continuing to see the advancements we have ahead. It is growing so fast and we are constantly being amazed on all the new changes that are happening all around us.  

[theskyexists]

Resolution

Liveblogging

I LIKE how the romance actually made me feel fond of these random characters, it JUST made it past sappy. I know because I dread them suffering the consequences of digging up a monster.

Also tentacly thing in plastic bag. Yikes. Genuinely yikes.

Loved the custodians quite a bit. Loved that the fam went around to multiple new yearses.

They love doing continuous moving camera shots and I feel like they did better this time than on Ghost Monument - snappier.

WHO THE FUCK walks closer to a terrifying pulsating GIANT octopus on the wall??? THEN TRIES TO TOUCH IT. She's companion material. No fucking sense.

Instant assumption of authority - oiled teamwork! That's! What ! I'm! Talking about!!!

Ohhh this has really got her worried. That FACE after Yaz escorts em away. (!! Second in command copper Yaz!!)

Lin absolutely has been affected....physically. perhaps even...............taken over?

Is that your intruder alert or mine? - it's the doorbell - oh ha yes...

Hahaha

'oh' instant judgement in the Doctor's voice hahaha

Oh DAMN. Doctor. Wow!!! So! Fearlessly, ....KNIFE UNDER THE RIBS SHARP. That's none of that broiling anger and bluster. That's ....crazy

'dads are, so ive heard'

MORE REFERENCES TO DOCTOR FAMILY LIFE AND CHILDHOOD

Ryan deliberately calling Graham gramps in front of his dad!!!!

Lin didn't tell the Doctor that she swallowed a monster did she. That's what's gonna happen here Huh. She's gonna puke up a Dalek or whatever. Gotta hand it to Chibs. He's finally gotten better at horror.

Oh Yikes. YIKES.

Ok. Yeah. I think. He did well on the Dalek.

Ok uh but I feel like the voice exposition was unnecessary or ruined it a tiny bit

Yikes. Are they gonna delve into how Lin is still in there I wonder...

'dont like when you go quiet' :)) lil character note

Love the acting from jodie. Not sure about the diagonal shots.

Lin's actress does an impressive impression of what I think is an unedited Dalek voice

Hmmmmmmm. Forgot for a sec that police don't carry guns in the UK normally.

Wow. But I liked that speech though. From Ryan. Like his dad too. I can relate. But he shouldn't just explain himself. He should say SORRY.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! HOW RYAN STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF AND WHAT HIS DAD PUT HIM THROUGH!!!!! god Ryan tho. I love Ryan so much.

I'm really enjoying the pacing and the Doctor getting more and more worried and especially! Revealing so much. Finally

Even tho the companions don't even know how much. 'im not having this'

Ah dead LGBT character again huh. That's the problem with making all your side characters gay. They DIE. Moffat's really got that at least. Chibs.....very much does not. At least I can't get attached. They're literally throwaway.

'im your secret conscience.... Not really we both know you don't have one' lel good one doc

FUCKING BREXIT KILLED UNIT HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHA

Why doesn't she have Kate's number holy shit

Aaron and Graham :'))) he grandads EVERYONE

all I can think is, that must have been one cool job!! Playing Lin!!!

Since hits to the heads have been shown to be non-lethal and effective at knocking a person out, the most effective thing Lin can do is knock herself out! Probably. Maybe then it can continue a central nervous system takeover no problem.

THE DOCTOR SENDS EM AWAY. good job. BUT Ok the TARDIS is safe, but they still gotta get there.

'me and a Dalek? It's personal'

Understated, but steel.

Why all this plastic shit, farmer? XD good effect tho.

Noice new design. But lol. That must have taken ages!!! Why did they show up so late when they have a time machine!!! Hahahaha

Love how this Doctor loves humans. 'theyve fought off so much. Even the worst of their own people' hmmm

Daleks and the Doctor, they never manage not to monologue at each other

THAT DARK GLEE AGAIN!!! That grin 'oh mate' (!!! I LOVE HER!!!)

That was weak lol

Doctor must be destroyed. BUT actually I'm flying away now because - other priorities??

They always SOMEHOW underestimate the importance of killing them.

How longs a WHAT? I cannot understand

The Doctor is a lot more generous with the TARDIS nowadays.

Who informed these soldiers that this thing called a Dalek is a Dalek and hostile? Ahhh a drone. Like that. Topical.

Commander says: run

Soldiers say: shoot and die!

This Dalek clearly needed a win or something. Wasted some rockets all that shit. Feel better? After that scary run in with the Doctor?

Why the country and not the world? Not enough juice? No, now I'm rationalising shit away.

Too much telling again.........like he needed to fill up the writing. Too much exposition too much reading from screens repeating the same thing again and again. WiFi internet yes it's all down.

And it makes me think. WELL WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT??? ITS FUCKING RAMPAGING DOCTOR!! THIS IS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO FROM 'DALEK'!!!

That was much too on the nose about New Year's Day. Smacked of 'technology destroys all relationships'

OH NOW! you manage to land - after it's enacted its whole plan and killed a WHOLE LOT of people

' I tried right I really tried' ahhh they're trying so hard. Trying so hard!!

Lol all you had to do was....run an alternating current through the casing???? THATS ALL YOU GOTTA DO???

For that matter, why not burn the goddamn Dalek fleshy bit back at the battle of hope. This broke the back of suspension of disbelief both for this plan and that battle.

One moment it can fly, the next it can be mobbed by ten people easy and get fried.

Absolutely and definitely ducking the question of 'is it dead'

Hahaha 'extended fam'

Taxi-ing a Dalek in a TARDIS - should be shivers!!!

Can you imagine if RYAN LOSES HIS DAD LIKE THIS AS WELL?? GODD NO!! Leave my kid alone!!!

Eh. Killed it. But it was life or death huh.

Ryan SHONE. But I dislike how....the Doctor has to fail for him to get that.

No idea what that goodbye from his dad meant.

'everywhere' means nothing to me. Eleven at least made it an abandonment thing ha!

Nice last shot.

[drixi-dream]

*peeks out from hiding hole* Again I show up only to post another “writing” I made

Of course again thanks to @veverydayisanewday​ for proofreading

This originally started as a joke idea and turn out to a serious fic...

This is part of the AU were Hiver lives with Noël and he is still learning new things from the world everyday. What happen when he starts wondering what is love?

What is love?

-Monsieur Noël? – He called.-

-Cut it out with the monsieur shit Hiver, I already told you it’s not necessary. – I sighed deeply. He looked at me, troubled.- Whats going on?

-I wanted to ask you something.

-What is it this time?

-What is “love”?

-…Wh-what? – I exclaimed as a look of distress crossed Hiver’s face.-

-Oh no, have I asked the wrong thing again? - He sounded upset, I fidgeted with my fingers, not knowing what to do.-You are turning red, I'm sorry I didn’t mean to make you mad.

-No, it's okay, I… - My gaze met his. How I could even begin to explain it? This was way too embarrassing.- Why are you asking this?

-Well, everywhere I look, I see or read things that say, “it’s because of love”, “love is the answer”, “loving you is painful” and so on. There are so many variations, it’s hard for me to grasp the true meaning of it…-He closed his eyes and put a hand on his chest. - I remembered all the romans I have seen, all different but at the same time holding the concept of love in their own particular way.

He looked down before continuing talking, his face turned red. -I also tried to use that “internet” device that you taught me, and the Google showed me this song, “What is Love” and… I’m not sure what it means but a baby had hurt him, and there were naked ladies there too.- He looked even more troubled than before.

I felt myself die on the inside. Why did I teach him how to use that?

-Oh my God! Hiver, no! - I cut him off. - Remind me to never let you use the computer on your own again. - He fell into silence suddenly, most likely even more worried than before as I recollected my thoughts.

-Cough - I broke the silence.-… How do I explain this... Well, you see, love is… Complicated? – I could tell he was confused, since he had a puzzled face, a little curious as well.- Mmm love is something you feel when you, mm, like something. Or someone.

-Oh, oh! – He clapped his hands together in understanding.- I like tea, so does that mean I love tea? – I tried to hide my laughter, he was too innocent.-

-Yeah, and no. I mean you can love tea but love is a more powerful feeling. You want to protect that thing you love and wish nothing else more than their happiness,…- I paused, as I started to realize my own feelings, but I brushed them away. - I guess?

-… - Hiver stood there silently, lost in thought.- Is it like with Miss Violette and Miss Hortense?

-Oh yeah, that’s a type of love. I forgot that there are different types of love, let’s try to use so examples, let's see… mmm, oh you can love things, like you love tea and I love music. – Hiver nodded showing he got that one. – There is also friend love, I think Miss Violette and Hortense would fit there since you all care for each other so much.

-Oh…

-Yeah and then there is filial love or family love? I guess I don’t know how to call it, it’s like the mmm the love a mother would have for their child. – I said those words trying to not think too much about how that was not always true.- I’m sorry if I’m not making much sense.

-No, it’s okay, I think I understand that, I have felt filial love before. – Hiver closed his eyes and touched his chest where his heart was supposed to beat.-

-And lastly there’s romantic love… I guess… That’s like when two person care for each other and mmm… er… - I stood there trying to think how to explain it without getting too embarrassed myself.- Like when two persons decide to make a couple and stuff… - I blurted out, I felt my face warm stronger than before, and my stomach did a flip.-

-Stuff? – He repeated, tilting his head to a side like a small puppy.-

-Argh… like that’s the type of strong love people have with others that makes them to want to be together for their whole life and form families and that sort of shit… I seriously don’t know how to explain it. – I felt warmth on my whole body, I was sweating.-

-How do you know it is love?

-Errr…. I don’t know, I guess you don’t know how to behave in front of them, your heart races, and you are afraid to make mistakes I guess. – I couldn’t explain this to him anymore.-

-My heart…

-Oh. – Looking at his chest, I remembered his so-called “condition”.- Okay you feel, mmm, like butterflies in your stomach.

-What? Why would someone eat butterflies? – He looked at me in horror.-

-Oh my God! Hiver, no! They don’t eat it, that’s stupid! It’s a just “feeling” you get in here. – I pointed at his stomach.-

-Oh, like when you are nervous.

-Yes! Like that!

-But sometimes love is like a warm feeling too. You feel your body warm up and it even shows up on your face sometimes.

-Love sounds complicated. – I nodded, agreeing.- But why do people sometimes say that love can hurt?

-You can’t control it, sometimes you love something that makes you suffer. Sometimes you love but... they couldn’t love you back.

-That… is sad.

-Yeah. – I noticed how he looked heartbroken.- It’s okay, don’t feel bad. People will always try to find a way to love and be loved.

-And what do you do when you feel like you love somebody else?

-Mmm, well, you try to show it. Caring for them, being with them, or even just telling them. Like you are always making tea because you love it.

-Because I love… tea…

-Mmhm – I agreed and smiled shyly, but he still had a troubled look on his face.-

-Noël, have you ever felt love before?

-Ahhh, I guess… - I scratched the back of my head. I wasn’t sure honestly, love was indeed a complicated concept, and I really wasn’t feeling like being bothered by it. But the feeling in my stomach and the heat in my body made me feel guilty for thinking that. I tried to pay no attention to it and change the direction of the conversation. - Why do you look so worried about this?

-I don’t know… I feel I had been having this feeling that I couldn’t put a name to it yet, but it feels like love now… But I’m not sure what to do with it. - He shrugged.-

-Mmm just be yourself, that’s important. You can’t expect someone to love you back if you aren’t yourself.

-Okay. – He nodded and smiled at me.- Thank you a lot, Noël. I think I understand more now.

-No problem, dude.

Hiver went away and I remained standing there, watching him. I pressed a hand to my heart.

-A racing heart huh? – I could feel my own beating madly. - What a bunch of crap you are. – I lamented.-

-Huh? Did you say something? – Hiver peeked out from the kitchen.-

-No, nothing.

-Okay. – He smiled that innocent smile of his. Was it wrong that I wanted to protect that smile? ... Maybe I was already being bothered by it…- I’m going to make some tea, would you like some?

-Sure… - He already said he was feeling something like love… I felt a pain in my own chest.-

… Indeed love is painful… Because sometimes loving someone means to let them be… you can’t force someone to love you back… and a broken heart doesn’t want to be broken again…

.

.

.

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me

No more~♪♫

[dailyserperior]

Have any tips for starting a daily pokemon blog?

Ahhh i’m not sure if I’m a good person to ask but I can try to give some tips! (I think I’ve been asked this in the past too but my nets not really letting me go look right now)

Also this got a little long so I’m sorry ;v; Also i’d take everything I say with a grain of salt, I’m just a nervous person who loves serperior

But if you want to start a pokemon blog, defs pick a pokemon you not only love but love to draw! Doesn’t matter if it’s been done before, it hasn’t been done in your style! Everyone will add their own touch to how they draw. Like no lie one of my fav things is seeing how various people interpret a pokemon, heck even when they interpret YOUR pokemon (I may or may not have several things saved of people drawing Ex in their style cuz its so COOOLLLLLLL, let alone my serp folder)

Sometimes though the pokemon may be hard to draw and you may get frustrated. Like I know I could never run a sceptile blog like my friend does. ( @weekly-megasceptile ) I’ve drawn her sceptile a few times and hoo boy it wasn’t really that fun for me. I give Mint mad props for drawing that thing. My sister ( @occasionallymew ) has come to me a few times because she needed help drawing a pokemon or wasn’t sure on what a pokemon was. in her own words

“It’s why i have the bean [bean is how she and I refer to her mew Jesus]”

So if your favorite pokemon isn’t fun to draw for you you may end up just not having fun. And then you won’t want to run the blog.

That being said if your design is hard don’t think you can’t do it! draw it a bit before starting your blog to see how you like it and it’ll also get easier the more you do it.

Funny enough before I started drawing daily serperior I actually wasn’t that great at drawing snakes. I rarely did. I mostly draw humanoids and monsters and gore. So drawing a snake each day was interesting, more so because I like to draw Serperior closer to a python than how it canonically look (this is kinda the reason they are much rounder how I draw them)

But after drawing it for over 400 posts, I’ve gotten pretty good at it, I don’t really need to look at refs as much for how noodles curl, I can normally just figure it out on my own. I also no longer need to look at pictures of serperior when I’m drawing because I’ve just gotten so used to it. Like I know where to put the yellow curls, I know the husks.

That’s another thing though! this is more a general art tip than daily related, but don’t be afraid of using refs!! Don’t trace or copy directly but using a reference is a wonderful thing if you are unsure of something or the like. Like I have a folder on my laptop that is literally filled with pythons. Just lots and lots of snoots.

Another thing is a bit harder because I can get how discouraging it can be, but don’t feel down if you don’t get a lot of asks or interactions right off. And this may seem a bit mean, but don’t rely on asks to give you content for the blog. The internet can be a fickle place so you may not get the asks you want or many asks. When i started off I didn’t have too many asks if any so I just drew Serperior (this was before I decided to make it my character of excalibur) doing whatever, mostly it was related to Christmas because when I started I was in the middle of finals right before winter break. I was using this as a way to decompress each day after classes, and slowly i started to get some asks.

Depending on your frequency of update, the time you update, how you tag, and your sense of humor or the like, can affect if you get more asks. It also depends on how you interact with your asks.

Sometimes a post will sky rocket and then you get flooded. That’s kinda what happened with Daily Serperior, I can’t remember if it was the Gengar Plush post or the pizza post or even the move in post I had made, but something set off and I got asks a lot.

And don’t be afraid to turn your inbox off if you need to!! I know I’ve had to a few times, actually I had it off for a while, i had it reopened for the giveaway in case people had questions about it. I’ll be closing it again for a bit once I’ve finished the giveaway, because I get overwhelmed easily and it can lead to stress.

Also on the subject of asks, don’t be afraid to delete an ask that makes you nervous or uncomfortable!! Sadly not everyone is super chill, and occasionally you get some weird or bad asks. God am I no stranger to that. Honestly that’s the reason I’ve closed the ask box a few times, some people don’t like listening if you ask them to not send a specific thing. And sometimes it’ll get bad enough you want to quit (I’ve actually had a friend stop their daily blog because she got so tired of a certain type of ask). And if one person keeps sending don’t be afraid to block. I hate blocking but I’ve had to block a few blogs because they would send me asks time and time again on a subject I explicitly asked to not be sent because it makes me highly uncomfortable.

Now to get away from the negative,

All and all a daily blog is mostly about having fun. Interact with the community, send asks to other blogs ect.

Oh that reminds me, but depending on you, if you want to send in character asks it may be good to make a separate account not just a side blog.

With dailyserp i can’t actually follow back or ask as this account it’s a side blog. I do all my following and asks from my main @abunnydreamingofkisses

  (so if you see that name in your notes or watcher list it’s me!) Or i send asks on Anon. I typically send anons to other blogs because I’m pretty shy. I’m always terrified to talk to people. I’m also just really bad at holding a conversation because I just have issues coming up with things to talk about. or I’m drawing and I’m hyperfocused. So if you plan to interact more it may be best to have a separate blog. I never expected to actually get any followers I just wanted to draw a doofy noodle, so I made it a side blog and I sometimes regret that but at the end of the day it’s easier for me.

Another thing is I know there are a number of discord chats you can potentially join! I personally don’t join group chats because it actually will spike my anxiety, I love people and I like to chat and makes jokes but due to a few poor experiences with group chats in the past I have to avoid them to keep from having panic attacks.  But if you are able to maybe ask around see if you can’t join some. you’ll make friends most likely and memes are kinda a good way to get followers oddly enough (people like to laugh haha)

If Humor isn’t your thing maybe go for plot. I Know I follow a few plot based blogs and man it’s killer waiting for an update. Like over at @daily-poppy-primarina I adore the Brutus story line. I’ve got a thing for monstrous characters so learning about the dark primarina is really fun.

I know on serp I focus mainly on humor with a sprinkling of plot, but that’s mostly because almost all my asks are humor based.  I actually do have a plot all written out in a notebook on this noodles past, and I even have a comic I keep meaning to finish up after I lost the original but lifes been in my way (hence my multi week hiatus)

also never be afraid to take a break. I think that has to be my last tip. I hate taking breaks but sometimes it’s needed. Sometimes you’ll get burnt out, sometimes you are over whelmed, sometimes you just feel like getting away. It happens. But don’t let it control you to the point you hate your blog. Take a step back take a breather. It’ll be okay.

At the end of the day it’s about you having fun creating a thing you want. Draw, Write, send memes to ect.

So I guess that’s all i have to say ;v; sorry for the length I’m really bad with being concise haha

[buttercream-imagines]

something I haven’t told you

I’ve been keeping something from you guys because I’m scared of what will happen once I do I say what I want to say. But I think the time has come to tell you.

While I have written more imagines recently, you know that for the most part I haven’t come on nearly as much as I used to. No, I have not lost my passion for writing or for these boys or for writing about these boys. I mean, I have still been writing, haven’t I?

What I didn’t tell you is that while I wasn’t writing imagines on here, I was working on something a bit bigger than that.

*clears throat* *takes deep breath*

I have been writing a fanfiction. A full-length, Jack Maynard fanfiction. I haven’t published it anywhere yet, but I’ve been writing it on Wattpad. Now, I have fourteen chapters saved and I feel really good about it. I feel like it’s something I’m ready to share.

So, this is what I’m going to do:

I want to post this on Wattpad because I like how Wattpad works, mainly that you can highlight certain passages and comment on them. That’s my favorite thing about that platform.

But I get that a lot of you are solely on Tumblr, and I love you guys too much to not put it on here too (after all, ya’ll are my day ones). That being said, I’ll be posting the fic on both sites. If you’re on Wattpad, I would really appreciate the support on there. I’d love to get the Team Internet community on there to read it too, and if enough of you go on and read and vote and comment, I think it could spread enough where other people can see it too.

Now, I want to tell you why I haven’t announced this sooner. I’m really worried that people won’t like it. I’m also worried that you’ll like it so much that you’ll want endless updates. I’m worried that I’ll give up halfway through like I have with every other fanfic I’ve ever written. That’s why I wanted to have multiple chapters saved and ready before I published it so that I knew I felt good about it before I posted it. Does that make sense? I’m really nervous and I shouldn’t be because I know you’ll all support me no matter what. Deep breaths, Dani. Everything is fine.

All of this being said, here is the summary of Issues - a Jack Maynard Fanfiction:

Adeline Foster has issues, but Jack Maynard’s got some too. After eight years of friendship, will the revelations of their problems bring them closer together or farther apart? Adeline isn’t sure that their friendship will survive the bumps that she sees in their future. Jack isn’t sure he knows who Adeline is at all. The question is, do they have the kind of love it takes to solve their problems?

“I got issues, and one of them is how bad I need ya”

(I’m bad at descriptions let me live)

ahhhhhhhh hitting post on this is very final and that freaKS ME THE FUCK OUT. I’ve been having so much fun with this, like I’ve casted my original characters and worked my ass off to make gifs and outfits on polyvore and everything. I’m in love with the story and the characters I’ve created. It’s like my baby and I don’t want ya’ll to spit on my baby.

Here’s what I’m gonna do. If this post can hit 20 notes, I’ll know you guys want this. If not, I won’t share it, and that’s fine. I’m enjoying it for myself and I’ll live if that’s all this ever becomes. If I do end up posting it, I’ll post the next chapter every week (if I post Chapter 1 on Monday, updates will be on Mondays. If Chapter 1 goes up on a Tuesday, updates will be on Tuesdays. You get it).

So, let me know. tbh I hope you guys want it/like it/are supportive. I love making you guys happy and sharing what I love with you, and I hope this is just another thing we can talk about together

LOVE YOU GUYS AHHH xx

[ikonxmx]

No Happy Endings | Wonho [M]

Warnings: Strong language, lewd comments.

word count: 3,532

“We’ve got a problem,” Hoseok tells Kihyun through the phone as he paces the length of the bathroom.

1 | 2 | 3 | ...

Part 4: Breakups, Makeups, and Break-Ins.

“Look… you need to beg for my forgiveness. Do you understand?” You say as you roll your eyes. The prospect of not receiving payment had sobered you up quite a bit. Enough to have you thinking straight. You realized getting as drunk as you were on, a Monday nonetheless, probably wasn't the best idea. A drunk you coming to give him his things back would save you a lot of backlash in the media. Emotionally distraught girlfriend gets drunk and confronts her cheating boyfriend, any sane person undoubtedly sides with the girlfriend.

“I need to what?” Hoseok asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Be sure to make it a freaking spectacle. Cry if you can. And I'm gonna slap you. You'll drop to your knees and you'll beg me to forgive you. All outside.”

“Look, that only covers a small part. He’ll still get shit for cheating on you.” The member who you've since come to recognize as Kihyun says.

“Unless he wasn't cheating.” You say as you roll your wrist and crack your neck. “You looked pissed leaving my house on Saturday. The pictures published made people think something was going wrong anyway. Let's say we broke up on Saturday. Fast forward a bit to a heartbroken you trying to heal with alcohol and women, something you'll admit was a terrible decision. It's understandable though, just like people will understand me being hurt by the news and drunkenly returning your things.”

“She's good.” Hyungwon smirks from the kitchen.

“Really good,” Minhyuk says and Jooheon nods his agreement.

“She reads,” Hoseok says and a chorus of understanding “Oh’s” follow his words.

“I'll storm outside. Chase behind me grab my arm. All that good stuff, kay? Make the world believe you're madly in love with me and regret the stupid decision you've made. You're gonna work damn hard to win me back too. Still wear the mask and hat but you need to be up at my school everyday this week, at my house on Friday, and at a lunch date on Saturday. If I take you back and things look like they've gone back to exactly how they use to be, I look like a dumbass, and you look like a dick.”

“Alright, then let's put on a show,” Hoseok says as he slides on a pair of sandals.

“You're not going to put on a shirt?”

“I'm chasing after you, there's no time for me to get dressed. You take the elevator. I'll take the stairs.” He says as he swings the apartment door open.

The Emotional Make Up!: Wonho and His Girlfriend Work Things Out?

Was Wonho Single At The Time of His One Night Stand?

Details on the Breakup That Lead Wonho into Another Woman’s Arms.

Outed, Booted, and Back Again: Wonho’s Rollercoaster Romance and Where They Stand Now.

“She’s like… too good.” Hyungwon says as he reads through the comments of the articles. People had taken her side for the most part but were very understanding of Hoseok’s broken heart as well.

“He was hurt and drunk, anyone could've ended up in his bed.” Hyunwoo reads over Hyungwon’s shoulder.

“So he wasn't cheating, imagine how his girlfriend felt seeing him move on so quickly…” Kihyun read.

“Can anyone blame her for going back? Wonho oppa is a catch.” Hoseok reads.

“That would be the comment you catch,” Kihyun says rolling his eyes. “You owe this girl big time. She's saved your ass twice now.”

Hoseok nods, “I'm paying her to.”

“No you're paying her to pretends she's your girlfriend. This wasn't in the job description,” Hyunwoo says sharply. “Be grateful she’s even willing to help.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. As far as he’s concerned stuff like this is exactly what he's paying you for. Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money. For these next six months, you'll do whatever he needs you to.

“Oooh bitch, you’re good,” Mary says through the phone. Articles about the scene had flooded the internet. It became number one in hottest searches in less than 3 hours, all eyes have been on you since the moment you stepped on campus, and everything is going exactly according to plan.

“Aren’t I…” You laugh as you walk to your business tech class. It’s probably one of your least favorite classes, but you’re an impeccable student and somehow manage to keep your grade at a high ‘B’.

“I even believed the damn story for a minute… And I know the truth!” Mary scoffs.

You laugh, “Mary…”

“What? It’s true. It looked like a scene straight out of Usher’s ‘Confession’ music video. Want to help me next? I need to convince a dude I died.”

“What? Mary are you insane?”

“Bitch, I been single for three years now and a four-inch turtleneck is not about to change that. He can’t seem to take that hint, though and if he shows up at my front door unannounced again I’m gonna have to fucking castrate him.”

You laugh loudly which causes, even more, eyes to look your way, “People are starting to look at me like I’ve lost my mind.”

“‘Cause you have,” Mary says and you can almost see her smirk through the phone. “anyway. Help me?”

“No. Why would you want help from a crazy person?”

“You’re a fucking grudge holder, I swear.”

“Mhm, and I’ve also made it to class so I can’t stay on the phone.”

“Ahhh alright. Learn a bunch bitch!” She says before smacking her lips to blow you a kiss.

You laugh a little before hanging up.

Classes like this one tend to drag on for you. When it’s something you aren’t very interested in, you sort of turn into a computer, processing the information instead of actually comprehending it. It also doesn't help that you're nursing a bit of a hangover and the bright lights in the lecture hall are not your friends in the least bit. The two of you are fighting and they're currently kicking your ass. Just punching you in the head repeatedly. It's obviously the cause of the throbbing.

You write down everything in hopes of going over it later and it actually making a bit of sense. With any luck, you'll be able to pass when you're tested on it. Barely, but you'll pass.

“Do you get what's going on?” A voice beside you asks. You shake your head slowly still trying to write down all the information the professor’s putting on the board and the voice laughs.

You slowly lose focus and let your mind wander as she begins to speak. There are a million things running through your mind right now. So in order to get paid, you have to complete the six months. That means staying by him no matter what, cheating scandals included. You can spin a story out of anything, as proven with the one every major gossip site is currently running. However, you can't keep saving his ass if he keeps it up. There only so many excuses that can be made before people start calling bullshit. The stories from the beginning start to become less credible as well and suddenly the public hates both you and Hoseok. For you, it really makes no difference as you're a normal person and public backlash won't affect you two or three years down the line. For Hoseok, his relationship with the public is the base of his career.

Not only that, but his group members would surely receive the short end of the stick too. So essentially, the careers of 7 people are in your caring hands. Hoseok goes down, eh that's his own fault, but the whole group going down? Not on your watch, and not because of you. Because really, this whole thing is your fault. Had you left the library in time you wouldn't have gotten so spooked by what you’re still very positive was a stalker, and your entire detour wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have run into Hoseok. No one would've taken the pictures out context. Hoseok wouldn't have needed to lie, and you wouldn't have to pretend to be his girlfriend. So since it's all your fault, you'll take responsibility. For the time being, maintaining Hoseok and his group members images is your main priority.

“Alright class, until next time.” The professor says and everyone is one their feet in seconds.

Your pack up is a bit slower. You're not really in a rush. You have no reason to be since your international relations class isn’t for another 2 hours. Plus your head still hurts. You sit calmly and put everything in its right place before standing and walking out of the classroom’s double doors.

“Hey.” Someone calls and grabs a hold of your arm. You look back a bit surprised. No one has ever grabbed you. Like ever. You look down at the hand and then up at the owner. He quickly pulls his hands back and holds them up in surrender. “Sorry, I didn't mean any harm. I was just wondering if you'd let me borrow your notes sometime? I saw them for a little while earlier and… they look way neater than mine. I'm not trying to be weird or anything and I'm sorry if what I'm saying comes across that way. Just… kind of feel like I'm talking to a celebrity right now.”

You snicker. Out of everything you'd expected to be called since the news of your ‘relationship’ broke, a celebrity was not something that had even crossed your mind. You couldn't feel more insignificant. Even with camera’s on you at all time and a large number of people knowing your face and name. It all made no difference to you. As far as you're concerned you're the same person you've always been. Just in six months, you'll be ten thousand dollars richer.

You're not sure when but your small snicker had led to gut busting laughter and caused some tears to roll down your face and some heads to turn your way. You settle down and swipe at the tears.

“I’m sorry that was hilarious.” You say to the now confused man. He seems to be even more nervous than he was. “You can use my notes, no problem. I'm almost always in the library so just stop by whenever.”

A big smile crosses his face. “Thanks! I really appreciate it.”

Classes are done for you today and your back at your second home. The library. Doing everything here makes your life easier. Any resources you might need can be found here and the Internet is much faster than the one you have at home. The library public library was your go to for studying back when you were in high school, but the college’s library is just as good of not better. It's also easier to just be here in case you need a book or something. The 40-minute walk is not an easy one to take as is, and taking it more than 2 times a day isn't something you'd ever planned on doing.

“Hey, drunky.” Hoseok’s voice says right beside your ear. You jump and turn in his direction. He lets his face mask down and bit and smiles at you. “Miss me? How bout a kiss?” He says and puckers his lips.

Honestly, you aren't one for public displays of affection but you know that other couples are, and to keep appearances you should probably do what other couples do, right? Those are the excuses running through your head. The truth is the more you look at them all puckered up, the more kissable they seem. And just a little peck wouldn't hurt. So you reach up and place your lips on his for a small kiss before pulling back.

Hoseok looks stunned. Was he not serious about the kiss? Had he not expected you to do it? Either way, he asked for it and you fulfilled the request.

“Ms. Kim didn't give you any trouble getting back here?” You ask.

Hoseok snaps from his thoughts and sits on a seat beside you. “Who?” He asks, still a bit dazed and confused.

“The librarian... Her name is Kim Nara.”

“Ahh, the evil lady up front? She gave me a really dirty look but she let me back.”

“She must've heard about your cheating scandal.” You tsk.

“Then she probably heard about how you forgave me too.” He says with an eye roll.

“Hey.” A voice calls from in front of you two. You look up to see the man from earlier in the day. The one that asked to use your notes after you business tech class.

“Oh hey, you made it.” You say with a smile.

“Who’s this?” Hoseok asks moving to lean his head on your shoulder.

“I'm a classmate.” He says as he pulls out a chair and sits. He reaches his hand out to shake Hoseok’s. “Gyo Sungmin.”

Hoseok politely nods and shakes Sungmin’s outstretched hand. “Shin Hoseok.”

You search the table for the notes you took earlier and find them under the book you've been reading lately.

“Where are you at in it?” Sungmin asks staring at the copy of ‘Careful’ resting on the table.

You look to him and then back at the book, “Ah toward the end now. I’m on the last chapter.”

“Did you like it? A lot of people had negative things to say because there was really no conflict except her extremely introverted behavior.”

“Yeah, I actually loved it. And I thought it was cool to see her slowly get over it with Darren’s help.”

“You don't think Carol helped a lot more than Darren,” Sungmin asks tilting his head to the side

“I think she tried to, but she really ended up being an enabler.”

“I don't think so. I mean if you really look at it, the only reason Zakia and Darren met was because Carol pushed her to get out of the house every day, even if it was just for coffee.”

“Yeah, but more down the line, she stopped trying. Especially after that party when Zakia and Darren broke up. She did her shopping, cooked her meals, talked to her teachers. There was no more push. Zakia didn't care to do anything and Carol wasn't trying to help her too.”

“Can't you relate, though? Ya’ know, broken-heart and everything?” He says and nods his head in Hoseok’s direction.

Hoseok sighs, “I wouldn't say she was broken-hearted.”

Sungmin chuckles, “She showed up to your apartment complex. Drunk. On a Monday.”

You facepalm. It wasn't your best plan but it was obviously effective.

“Still, I'd say it more wounded than broken,” Hoseok sighs raising from your shoulder. “And I’m doing my best to heal those wounds. So don't worry about her heart. I'm taking care of it.”

Sungmin quietly grabs the notes from your hands, “Can't help but worry.” He says as he looks directly at you. His attention then veers to your handwriting scrawled on the paper now before him.

Hoseok huffs in what you can only assume is annoyance, “Where’s the bathroom?”

“By the librarian’s desk. Coming from this way it'll be to your right.” You answer.

“Alright, I'll be back.” He says and casually grabs your chin to connect your lips in a sweet lingering kiss.

You pull back a bit embarrassed. This must be how he felt when you kissed him. It was unexpected and threw you for a bit of a loop, but you recovered quickly and smiled as he stood and walked away.

“We’ve got a problem,” Hoseok tells Kihyun through the phone as he paces the length of the bathroom.

“What now?” Kihyun sighs.

“My girlfriend’s got a boyfriend.”

“What?” Kihyun asks sitting up to from his bed and rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake himself from his nap. He places the phone on speaker and quickly gains his roommates attention with his next question: “What do you mean she has a boyfriend?”

“Well, not a boyfriend. This dude definitely has some feelings for her though. He's been sitting with us since I got here. They've been bonding over books.”

“Oh damn, she loves books.” Minhyuk’s voice says on the other side of the phone.

“I know.”

“And you don't read,” Kihyun adds

“I know.” Hoseok sighs.

This time it's Changkyun’s voice coming through the speaker, “Eh it doesn't really matter. She'll stay until the 6 months are up. Hoseok just needs to keep his dick in his pants.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes even though the other men can't see him, “What should I do? He's making moves with me right there.”

“Are you right there now?” Kihyun asks.

“No? I'm in the bathroom.”

“Well don't leave them alone you fucking idiot,” Kihyun says.

Hoseok huffs his frustration and hangs up. They're no help at all. Luckily you don't really seem to be interested in Sungmin. From what he can tell, you're pretty oblivious to his crush, which makes sense. You're dense as a brick when it comes to flirting. That or you're purposely ignoring everyone's advances which Hoseok seriously doubts.

As he walks back to where he left you two, he sees Sungmin leaned in a bit too close. As you try your best to explain whatever is written down, Sungmin is staring at you in what can only be described as awe. Hoseok's lip curls. Kihyun was right. Leaving the boy with you probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he'd fix it.

Hoseok approaches the table and grabs your hand. You look up at him in confusion.

“Stand up,” Hoseok says. You lift an eyebrow in question but listen to his command anyway and stand from your seat. Hoseok quickly sits where you had been and pulls you down into his lap. His lips press a quick kiss to the nape of your neck before he rests his chin on your shoulder. “Continue,” Hoseok says waving his hand between you and Sungmin.

Sungmin’s lip jumps with the beginnings of a scowl but he quickly straightens it out and smiles at you. You look between the two men in confusion before sighing and leaning toward the notes in between you and you classmate.

Hoseok let's out a soft groan at your actions. Your hips had pushed back when you moved forward and caused a delicious friction he hadn't been expecting. You look back a bit concerned.

“What? You're sexy when you study.” He says leaning back and letting his hands roam across your waist, the small of you back, and your hips. A shiver runs up your spine but you ignore it and continue on with your studies

At this point, Sungmin looks pissed. His forehead is scrunched together and one side of his mouth is sunken in, which probably means he's chewing on the inside of his cheek. He glares at Hoseok, displeasure written across his features. Hoseok smiles and winks. If he hadn't been a smart ass, he wouldn't have to see his crush sitting in another man’s lap.

Hoseok insisted on holding your hand during your walk home. Something about intimacy and cute pictures. You just shrugged and went along with it. Truth be told, it would make really good pictures. Reestablishing the ‘young-and-in-love’ image is going to take a lot of time and patience, especially with a scandal as big as cheating looming around Hoseok’s name. Everything you do from this point on has to be precisely calculated and perfectly executed. No more rumors. No more scandals. Nothing else can go wrong.

“We’re here,” Hoseok says when the two of you reach the apartment complex. You nod. “Want me to walk you up?” You nod again.

Still holding your hand, he leads you up the two flights of stairs and to the front of your door. Which is wide open. Hoseok holds you back when you rush toward the door. He steps forward to check if anyone is still in the apartment. It looks like no one’s there, but the place is completely trashed. Your clothes have been thrown from your drawers and cut and ripped in various places. They're definitely unwearable. “Fuck you” has been repeatedly sprawled on your wall in what looks like red lipstick. Dishes, vases, and the glass from picture frames decorate your floor. It's a disaster zone.

You walk up behind where Hoseok has frozen and your heart drops. Who the fuck would do something like this?

Part 4 FIN.

A/n: So sorry it’s late! As you may know, i’ve been pretty sick recently. I tried to have this up on Monday so it wouldn’t be too late but I wasn’t quite feeling it and ended up adding a bunch more. Anyway, next part is where things get smutty, so just stay tuned and bare with me haha :) Thanks for reading everyone.

- AJ

[thimblings]

AHHH!! YES!! um. prepare your eyes, this is gonna be a long, rambly post because apparently i have A LOT OF FEELINGS and i can’t just list things like a normal person. and i also kept remembering podcasts and the list JUST KEPT GETTING LONGER. so. GIANT TEXT POST, i am so so so sorry. also, there are actually a few on this list that i’m not caught up with (some i’m like REALLY behind on) but i’m still gonna rec them... 

Welcome to Night Vale is the one i’m sure most ppl know of (although! if you have not read the novel, i’d HIGHLY recommend getting the audio book version. Cecil Baldwin does a great job of reading, and the “Voice of Night Vale” sections actually feature guest stars. i really want Cecil to do more audio book recordings omg). but!! along that same theme (radio show in a strange town w/ supernatural themes), King Falls AM is spectacular (ben and sammy are just! a freakin delight i love them). IMO it starts off feeling like it’s trying to be like WTNV, but within a few episodes it finds itself and becomes something unique (i say this bc i was initially put off by the first episode for that reason, and later came back and gave it another shot and enjoyed it immensely). it’s funny, it made me cry a few times, and i reaallyyy really really need to catch up with it. sammy stevens also has….just….a really nice voice hahaaaa The Truth is a great one. it’s mostly one-off short stories, but they’re generally really high quality and the plot of most of the episodes is really thought-provoking or just interesting in general (there’s one ep about aliens who find the Voyager craft with its recording that’s just really charming to me). the tagline “movies for your ears” is really apt. a lot of the stories veer on the side of unsettling/creepy, and it’s great if you like horror stories. i’d also recommend The Black Tapes and its sister podcast, Tanis. i love horror and unsettling mysteries, so these are right up my alley (Tanis is definitely more in the sci-fi/horror genre, but i like how it also digs into real unsolved cases and events). these are relatively well known, at least in that my friends who don’t listen to podcasts have listened to TBT at least. but they’re still great to check out if you haven’t. Limetown is really good, but ends on a cliffhanger and as far as i know there’s no immediate plans for a season 2? (i remember reading something about  them in talks for a TV show? which would be cool, but i’d miss the audio format of it). the first season is worth listening to, because it is really interesting and the audio production is pretty top notch - just be aware that a second season may or may not happen. what i’ve listened to of Hadron Gospel Hour so far is SUPER enjoyable, but i’ve only listened to the first few episodes.  arsPARADOXICA is FANTASTIC (at least the first season and a half that i’ve listened to). sally grissom is a great character and a brilliant and  scientist and i’m just really in love with her. this is a nice podcast because it has very capable women in it and the concept overall is really fascinating and handled really well. The Cleansed, set in a post-apocalyptic US, is well written and overall well produced (there’s one ep that still sits with me, because of a scene that truly unnerved me, just in the music and the atmosphere and the dialogue just ahh) and i’ve been meaning to pick it up again. In that same vein there’s We’re Alive, which is of the zombie variety. i’ve only juuuuust dipped into that one, but i’ve enjoyed what i’ve heard so far. this one has been around for a long time, like WTNV, so there’s a lot of episodes and a lot of content available. THE BRIGHT SESSIONS! i’m really really fond of this one and i just really love it, please listen. it’s about a psychologist who works with people who have “special” abilities, and all of the patients she helps are just so! precious!! i just love them a lot. Wooden Overcoats is a GREAT podcast that is pretty much the audio version of all my favorite British comedies that i watched growing up (think Fawlty Towers, Are You Being Served?, etc). it’s a comedy podcast about two competing funeral parlors (one of which is owned by the Funn’s). it’s exactly my kind of humor, and everyone involved just seems really great and kind. Antigone Funn has great lines and HONESTLY i’m surprised i haven’t seen more people quoting her and this podcast because it’s just! really great. and i don’t THINK this is a sister podcast to WO, but i always associate the two because they have some of the same people working on them but - Hector vs The Future is great. again, i haven’t listened to many episodes, but i’d still recommend it. it’s slightly different than other podcasts on this list because it’s actually filmed/recorded in front of a live audience. Homecoming is a short podcast (only 6 eps and the eps are pretty short) that i THINK is meant to be part of a larger, written universe (which i want to check out). it’s about soldiers with PTSD. this one actually has some well-known people involved - both Oscar Isaac and David Schwimmer voice characters and do a great job. The Darkest Night is another one with big names involved - Lee Pace is the narrator, which alone makes it worth checking out. overall, i’ve enjoyed it, but some episodes veer into areas i was kind of uncomfortable with (Tic-Tac-Toe is the one i’m stuck on and why i haven’t finished it yet ahh).  AND OK i really really really like space and space stories and space adventures, so my favs all have that in common hahaha Wolf359 is kind of like. okay, it’s about three people and an AI on a space station, light years away from earth - and the communications officer records his reports by pretending he’s doing a radio show. it starts off fun and humorous and things are great and then before you know it, you are going to be driving from Wichita Falls to Dallas and have to pull off on the side of the road because you’ve started sobbing while listening to it in your car. this podcast is fantastic, with a great cast of characters and strong women and DOUG EIFFEL and just. it’s very good. (i am ashamed to admit that i’m actually SUPER behind on this one. p much, i’m at the point where kepler and crew are on board but i’m only a few eps into this storyline). THIS is actually the podcast that really got me on board with the whole audio drama scene and just like….SCOURING the internet for more that would captivate me in the same way. This one is actually ending with this last season, which i think is a good thing? it’s very plot and character focused and i’m glad that they’re telling a complete story and HONESTLY! i’m just really excited to see where everyone involved goes from here. EOS_10!!!!! similar to Wolf359, it’s about a space station. there are a LOT more people there though (it’s more like an intergalactic hub). it’s about a doctor, his recovering alcoholic doctor-boss who he’s trying to help, a nurse who is spunky and maybe a bit psychotic, a hypochondriac alien-former-prince, and a “alleged” “terrorist” living in the cargo bay. idk this podcast just makes me incredibly happy. the writing is witty and fun, the characters are lovable and flawed, and i’ve listened to the whole two seasons at least 3 times because it just fills me with joy (my favorite dynamic always: assholes who are friends and they love each other but they also just….insult each other constantly. and somehow they save the world? but they’re still assholes). the universe of this show is really interesting without ever feeling like an info dump, and the unfolding mystery is very intriguing. WARNING: this show has been on hiatus for awhile, so there are only two seasons right now. but honestly??? it’s completely worth it. (obvi i’m hoping a third season will eventually come, but i enjoyed the first two enough that i love it regardless haha). and, finally, my current obsession. The Penumbra Podcast. it’s pretty much everything i’ve ever wanted in a series ever - detective film noir, but in space (on Mars), and literally everyone is queer. there’s a main story line (”Juno Steel and the [blank]”) and then one shots between each Juno story. the one shots are fantastic and really show the strength of the writers - sometimes being creepy, other times just being entertaining. The Juno Steel stories are the main running plot, done in the style of old detective radio shows - but also kind of twisting and upgrading the genre to be more inclusive and diverse. Juno Steel is a canonically non-binary and bisexual private eye (also canonically grumpy, sad most of the time, and a huge nerd who laughs at his own awful jokes in HIS OWN MONOLOGUES), and is the type of character you want to punch for being frustrating but who you also want to just…be…happy and protect from the universe. the writing in this is fantastic and beautiful and all of the characters are captivating. even one-off characters have a ton of personality and just add to the diversity/representation of the show. the voice work is top-notch and just!!! it’s so good!!!!! i have so many feelings!!!! (Juno hits close to home for me, with his self-esteem issues and depression and just…yeah, so i gushed about him there. i have a lot of feelings about the other characters but i’ve seriously rambled so much already so I WILL REFRAIN. also? gushing TOO much about a certain someone spoils the enjoyment of getting to know them at the same time Juno does) i REALLY enjoy audio drama-type podcasts so that’s mostly what i listen to. i’m also really into true crime and weird theories and occult stuff, but i’m particular about the podcasts i listen to for that. basically, i get attached to a specific host(s) and it’s hard for me to listen to anyone else talk about similar things haha. so as far as that goes, i love The Last Podcast on the Left (haha i get a bit nervous rec’ing this one because it’s really offensive, mostly in the early eps, and is def not for everyone but honestly!! i just love these boys a lot, and they discuss p much everything i’d ever be interested in ever). this one also led me to listen to Page Seven, which is celebrity gossip but honestly just really enjoyable to me. Two of the hosts from that show (Marcus is a LPOTL host as well) also do another show called Sex and Other Human Activities, which i’ve listened to a bit and enjoyed and deals with a lot of different issues - like sex, but also delving into depression and different things the hosts and their friends have gone through. but as far as non-fiction podcasts go, that’s pretty much it? i’m still planning on checking out Radio Dispatch, but that’s honestly mostly because it’s Molly (from Page Seven) and her brother and like i said, i have a problem. other podcasts i know of and have been meaning to check out: Hello From the Magic Tavern, The Adventure Zone, Pleasuretown, Lesser Gods, Tales of THATTOWN..... and ok, probably others but this has gotten excessive i am so sorry friends (some of the links may accidentally be wrong and i am very sorry)

[apirateandaprincess]

Why tonights episode was amazing and Hook is still a Hero

Okay, so I am a bit tipsy, and will probably be editing the spelling errors in this tomorrow, but I have been without internet for the last 5 hours, and HAVE been desperate to talk to my fellow Captain Swan fans, and more importantly in relation to tonight’s context KILLIAN fans about what all went down. 

Let me first start off by saying a few REAL things in regards to my own reaction tonight.

1. I LOVE THE THE FIRST 55 MINUTES OF THIS EPISODE lol. I’ll get to why I deep deep down love the last five minutes as well, but I have to say that was one of the best bromance episodes we could have asked for. I mean lets be honest, the captain charming Bromance is great, but we’ve been craving for some very straight forward acknowledgement on dave’s part and some actual upfront proper gif worthy touching/contact in regards to Killian and Charming for a long while. I mean the shoulder lean AHHH. That blessing scene GAHH. It was beyond perfect. 

2. I had a gut feeling they were going to have Killian be the one to do that. If you had a nervous nellie in your inbox asking if YOU thought it would happen. Hello, hi, nice to meet you. That was probably me. Did I let others calm me and did a large part of me think maybe he wouldn’t be the one to do that? Yes. Did I become even more convinced of that idea while watching? Yes. Did that make it sting that much worse? Absolutely of course.

3. If you were screaming during those last few minutes, don’t worry. I was over here in Florida, doing the same. You. Were. Not. Alone. 

4. Do I think they have Killian atone for his sins too much? Yes. But we all know dark dangerous captain hook is a thing many people enjoy watching, and if we don’t want present hook to show those behavior traits anymore, the only way to still see and enjoy those things is from seeing flashbacks of his darker past. So am I personally done with the atonement? Yes. But I also know that’s because A. I just want him to be happy. B. It’s not realistic to never see these dark sins of the past because dark gritty hook is entertaining AF and C. His atonement and redemption is why I fell in love with him to begin with. 

SO THESE THINGS ABOVE were the very visceral, very real things I wanted to get through before I tell you my after thoughts, and that’s not only more important, but it’s where the good stuffs at. 

So why was this episode awesome, and yes, even those last few bloody moments. 

1. First and foremost THAT BROMANCE YA’LL.

I mean we were given everything we wanted for those first 55 minutes on a silver fucking platter. I have yet to browse Tumblr. I got internet and came straight to writing this post but I expect 100,000 gifs after I’m finished here, of pure amazing moments. I mean they literally kneeled with each other. Charming literally put his head on Killian’s shoulder. They turned around in a dorky circle together and did magic as bros. Charming saw the good in him, and verbally fucking acknowledged it to Killian’s face all while being a little cheeky and telling him he was good enough for his daughter. I mean shit. Jane. Is. A. Fucking. God. for that scene.  

2. It surprised us

I know this may seem a bit transparent but let’s admit a few things to ourselves (and I’m generalizing a bit here). First, we want the best for our faves. Of course we don’t want Killian to be burdened and sad for things he did in his past when he is someone we watch the show for, relate to, love, or all three. It makes sense for us to want good things for him and more specifically for us to want him to have the opportunity to enjoy that feeling of acceptance and change that we saw him really acknowledge from David and even as a whole tonight. This is why our guts turned in the last few minutes. Because we knew he would hurt in response. Because we know what’s coming. And what’s coming is this: Good old fashioned angst on our favorite pirate’s part. A bit of loathing topped with a sprinkle of doubt in regards to his self worth. And it hurts us. But while we are admitting these things, let us admit another. We are some lucky ducks. We have gotten an amazing redemption arc and we are spoiled, by...well... spoilers. Once Upon A Time, at least for me, is not something I’m really shocked by anymore. I see things coming from a mile away. Being THIS into the fandom, allows me to do so. But tonight. I was legitimately surprised. Now I know I mentioned that I believed he would be the one to kill Charming’s dad. That is still true. But holy shit did this episode not direct me away from that thinking for the first fifty five minutes. I mean up until August drove up to Hook on the front steps, I had no bone in my body that still believed it would go that way. THEY DID AN AMAZING JOB at directing our beliefs elsewhere. And for the first time in a long time OUAT surprised me again. And surprising your viewers, is part of, at least in my opinion, what makes you not only still relevant but GOOD at your job. So, CLAP CLAP CLAP for Jane.

3. REGINA’S PAST

I wanted to make a quick post about Regina’ vs Killian because I know it’s going to be a topic of conversation at this point. Let me preface this by saying I know a lot of you know I’m not a fan too much of Regina at the current moment. I used to be. But these days it’s weighing more towards the opposite side. How does this relate to this episode? Well let me tell you. When I first got finished watching this episode one of the few things I thought of was how this (as in Hook killing Charming’s dad) was going to be used by the anti’s for why Killian is a horrible person. And in having that thought and thinking about the episode at the same time it reminded me even more so WHERE IT IS THEY DIFFER. My issue with Regina has never been what she’s done in the past, but how she handles what she’s done in the past in the present. It’s my personal opinion that Killian redemption arc has felt more authentic and true. We have seen him make real amends and strides towards being a better person. It’s more concrete for me. And while I think it’s the writers intentions to do the same for Regina and at the end of the day I do agree she’s changed, I just think characterization and writing wise the redemption arc for killian has been exponentially stronger and more believable/tangible. Again I’m bringing this up because this episode was a HUGE REMINDER that my issue with Regina isn’t WHO she was AND what she’s done BUT how she handles WHO SHE WAS and WHAT SHE’S DONE. So for all the nervous nellies wondering how can they root for Killian still... well...

This brings me to my next point

4. IF THIS SHOCKED YOU,???

Now don’t get me wrong. When I say shock I don’t mean surprise. Surprise at the writers making this decision. Surprise at them going this route. Surprise at the reveal. This isn’t where my ??? (CONFUSION) comes into play. What I’m a bit confused about his how people are shocked that Killian could have done this. He has admitted, to us, and to Emma that he has killed people and done awful things. He was a villain. If you like a villain on this show, odds are they killed someone and were a bit of a dick in the process and this killing/dickishness is somehow entangled with the born and bred heroes of the show. So while I want to say first and foremost to everyone reading, I am in NO WAY telling you how to feel. I do have to say if this caused you TO GIVE UP ON KILLIAN JONES as a character, than I’m not sure you were quite aware of who you liked to begin with. He WAS a villain. He’s done awful things. This is something we should all know by now. 

5. REACTION

So this episode was amazing, and yes even those gut churning last few seconds, because it is truly going to test the reactions of those around him. What happens when you have a literal blessing from those who used to think all you were was a pirate? What happens when just two seconds ago you knew you were a man of change and the world around you looked bright? What happens when you’re the only one who knows the ugly truth? What happens when the woman you love says she is okay with your past and all that matters is who you will be TODAY/NOW? What happens when the woman who says these things is the one you now want to marry? This REVEAL, as shitty as it may feel to many of us, is going to show us the true colors of those around us once again only this time it will matter more because the wedding is coming. And it’s going to be grand. 

We’re going to see the EMMA SWAN WE LOVE. The one who believes in her pirate and KNOWS he’s changed and roots for him outwardly despite his past. We’re going to see her believe in him, forgive him, and move on from the worst of the worst of his past and we will have the most solid example that as husband and wife they can make it through any ghost that pops up because they made it through THIS. 

We’re going to see David, who just accepted Killian (with no personal reasons not to) accept him once more but this time ITS GOING TO MEAN MORE. It will mean more because now when he ACCEPTS him and acknowledges that he’s changed it will be after also acknowledging that that change is from someone who did something that harmed him in the past as well. It’s easier to believe in someone’s redemption when the wrong they did didn’t directly affect you. It’s a lot more powerful to do so when it has. 

We’re going to see Snow do the same.

We might even see Regina relate to Killian’s past and current attempts to be a better person and support him as a result. 

Now don’t get me wrong. Will i think a few characters will be quite hurt/shocked. Yes. Some, namely David, more than others. But do I doubt they’ll move past it? Nope. Not at all. 

6. REEVALUATION. HOLY SHIT THIS POINT HERE IS WHY WHAT HAPPENED IS WRITING GOLD. 

Okay so i have a feeling most if not all of us CS/CC fans watched this with the same thought. OMG this friendship has come so far. OMG this is the most perfect episode. OMG look at how our pirate has grown and become a real hero. We watched this episode and we saw two REAL friends. We saw acceptance, and growth, and felt pride in Killian being seen as a HERO by not only Dave but by himself and in the larger SCHEME of the show. And after feeling all those amazing things... 

STAB.

Right. In. The. Stomach. The knife was planted and turned. And this is where the genius comes in.

Because after feeling all that we felt, we we’re hit with a dirty awful deed of our pirates past. Only this time it leaves us with a burning question. 

Is all the good erased because something already set in stone and engraved in history was brought to light? 

Is a person’s redemption no longer real in current time because you now know of something they once did? 

Do all the feeling that you felt up until those last few minutes disappear because something from the past was brought to light?

OR DOES HOW YOU HANDLE YOUR PAST AND WHO YOU ARE TRYING TO BE NOW STILL REALLY MATTER?

WE ...JUST LIKE THE CHARACTERS WILL BE, are forced to look back on everything good that just happened with new eyes. And this right here is some powerful shit. Because I’m hoping most of us know and can see/acknowledge/learn from this that what you did in the past DOES NOT INVALIDATE THE GOOD YOU ARE DOING NOW. Who you once were does not invalidate who you are trying to be. It is how you handle your mistakes that matter at the end of it.

Essentially we have all talked the talk. We have all admitted that the reason we love Killian Jones is because we have seen him change and make up for the wrongs he has done. And now, much like the characters, we can either continue to be people of our words or we can admit that all we’ve done is just talk. 

So at the end of it all I know that it hurt. And I’m not going to lie and say if I had to choose I would have wanted this. I wouldn’t have. I would have much rather it stayed happy and not have the gut hurting knife feeling stabby stabby pain that those last few minutes caused me. But i’m not also going to lie and say I didn’t see the creative genius in how this was all done or why it was done. I root for Killian Jones because the idea of redemption and becoming a hero is not only something I can relate to and enjoy watching but it’s also something Killian Jones has done exponentially well throughout this story.

 I know this pirates past and I’m not clueless to the wrong he’s done. Just as I’m not clueless to Rumple or Regina’s past wrongs. But it isn’t this past I care about or the past that has made me fall in love with this character and how it was written. No. I fell in love with the story of redemption. See It’s the man he’s trying to be now that makes me root for Killian Jones. It’s the way he has tried to redeem himself that has made me root for Killian Jones. And it’s Killian Jones that I will be most proud of at the end of this arc.

See This episode was an amazing story of bromance and change and forgiveness and redemption between two men that started as adversaries. It is something that I am sure I will be reblogging for years. It left me giddy for nearly the entire time.  

I have no doubt we will see after the initial feelings of his, the man we all love come forward and do what he’s always done. Admitted to his wrongs and try to make amends.

I also don’t doubt that after the initial reactions of others like David and Emma we will also see them do what they always do. Admit that people change and that it’s who you are NOW that matters. 

Having this happen at the end of the episode and before the wedding is going to make not only US people of our words but it’s going to make the characters people of their words and its going to be a strong concrete example that no matter what awful thing from the past comes up, these characters know eachother, know how they’ve changed, and will always decide to move forward and believe in one another as they do. 

TLDR: Killian Jones was a villain. He has murdered people. This is not shocking. We know this. But it’s not who he was that matters. It’s who he is. And who he is at the end of the day is someone who always ends up acknowledging his wrongs and making the proper steps to amend for them. And his redemption is always something I will get behind because it’s what made me fall in love with his character to begin with. Sure the characters AND the viewers, might react in a visceral way at first, some more than others, but at the end of the day they and we can either do one of two things. 

1. We can show that we/the characters are people of our words. That they/we truly do believe change is real and important that what matters most is who we are trying to be. What matters IS NOT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT MAKES YOU REDEEMABLE AND A HERO, IT’S WHAT YOU CHOSE TO DO NOW. HERE. IN THE FACE OF HARD TIMES AND EVEN IN THE FACE OF YOUR WRONGS.

Or

2. We can admit we lied. 

[sanguinesprout]

Uhhh welp... *derps x2* (Update and some past therapy and college/uni talk)

I really wanted to write a post but at the same time I’m not feeling very well and feel like the effort to do so might drain me even more. Maybe I’ll try write it more brief, since all my previous posts end up so hella long lol. 

Anyways, on monday was what I thought would be a therapy session but it was in fact another referral consultation, but I still poured all my truthful feelings and fears out. I feel kinda proud I didn’t kind of hold back or soften the things I said as much as I usually would (though I still stumbled over some words and blanked a little, but it’s okay!). Also I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be, I was just so focused on trying to give the consultant all the relevant information possible and almost went overtime in my super fired up blabby confession moment lol. She noted it all down and said she’d speak with her supervisor and decide where or who best to refer me to and be in contact by the end of the week.

I literally told her so many things that I would have a hard time telling anyone or even writing here. I began with the avoidant stuff and then kinda veered off into my super paranoid-ness troubles and a little on dependent-ness, it was... ugh... real difficult to talk about it without feeling like a fool but I also mentioned how I’ve been trying really hard to rationalise things and be more positive and stuff and for someone to acknowledge and sort of praise that felt nice. I also pulled out some of the most random and uncomfortable situations from my past to give as examples for things and it was uh... I struggled a bit and felt awkward a little but she was very sympathetic and nice! :> 

When she asked what my perception of myself was, as I mentioned I have a low view of myself, I said what I thought (and it was only a few adjectives of the negative kind, but they were strong words... I guess I am being too hard on myself, but I can’t help it when it’s all I can see of myself :c) and she was a little surprised and said not many people would be able to say it so bluntly *laughs nervously and burrows head in the sand*. I made sure to get across that I’m very sensible about my actions and have been trying my best to improve and that I have a lot of hope to get better and she said this was good too ^^ There was a lot of other stuff but it’s too much effort to write down and remember lol. I’m not sure what she makes of all the stuff I said and what the supervisor will say about it, I just hope it goes in the right direction and stuff ahhh >< (Also that they don’t ask to see my blog because I did happen to mention it... they wouldn’t though right...? Like to make me conquer my fears or something ;w; ...Even if they did (unlikely) I could say no, don’t worry silly self!)

No obligations! My new mantra XD (Idek know if I’m using the right word but oh well, it works for me so imma use it! lololol~) Getting stuff off the chest and having your problems acknowledged really does feel like a weight has been lifted slightly hoo~ I feel a little bit more motivated and willing to disclose my fears and keep pushing to improve too ^^ 

I went to the supermarket after that with my sis who drove me to and from the appointment and I browsed around at a super leisurely pace. Maybe it was the sort of motivation boost from letting off the steam at the consultation that allowed me to roam around feeling less conscious of the other shoppers than I usually do, it was nice. I did still feel awk sometimes squeezing past people and sort of hovering around them cause I wanted to look at something but I persisted and I got to peruse as much as I wanted >:D

I said I didn’t want the post to get long but I thought why not write a little about my past therapy experiences since this post is about therapy, so here I go~! :U

In college I went to see a therapist lady about my ‘social anxiety’. I don’t remember the details before that, it was probably me finally acknowledging I was genuinely having a hard time with socialising or fitting in wherever I am and constantly being anxious around others that prompted me to get help. It’s likely I read some shizz off the internet then too lol. I think in school before that I would converse and confide in a friend who also had similar feelings but when it got to college I hardly saw them because their schedule was like the opposite of mine. The line between friends and classmates, it kinda becomes clear once you stop being together out of convenience (of the same class times and such).

The friendships I had and were grateful for just gradually faded and I guess my lack of initiative (or fear) to continue communication outside just made it even more inevitable. It’s okay though, people move on and people change, especially in the case of when people move to far away locations too. They have their life to live however and with whoever they want, and I have mine (which is terrible but... maybe it won’t be later on). I do miss them and I miss the time I spent in school with them, but what I hope most is that they are all happy and doing well c: There’s a lot more I’d want to write, but this post isn’t about that. There’s plenty of time to reminisce, remedy and maybe even reconnect with them someday later on.

Anyways, I can’t remember anything too detailed with the therapy there except we talked some and she game some sort of worksheets with some tasks to help me acknowledge my feelings and fears and to try expose myself to them little by little. I don’t think I got that far with that or maybe it’s because I chose to start seeing her so close to the end of my time at college that well the sessions obviously didn’t continue for long, I don’t think I went more than a small handful of times. 

Something else I remember from probably one of my first talks with her, is that she asked me what I would wish for (or where I’d wish to live?? idk too long ago to remember) if I could, and I said something like to live in a normal house like everyone else lol. Idk I was envious of the cosy homes my friends, relatives and families on tv have that were so different from my own, more modern and homely unlike mine which is so old, unconventional and constantly noisy because my parents workplace is aside it. (Maybe the work place and home being so close makes it hard for my parents to sort of separate their work mindset and leisure time and that’s why they can never sort of relax and why I can never be comfortable idk.) Uh well anyways, she replied that it was such a humble(?) modest(??) wish... uh I’m really not sure of the right word to use to describe it or what she said exactly but basically it was indicating my wish was not like the extravagant sort of things other people would probably wish for. My wish (though I can’t remember the exact context leading up to asking about it) was in essence to be normal and have a normal environment and I guess that still stands, though I do have bigger dreams now too, but still not the overly extravagant kind haha. Idek what I was trying to say in this paragraph lol *goldfish memory*.

Also something else during college time, is that I went to this breathing exercise help thing which was supposedly supposed to help people who are anxious in exams or something but I just went in hope it might help me in general. It literally was just listening to some relaxing nature sounds and seeing some matching imagery while having your pulse tracked at the same time and I sucked at it and didn’t really improve much lol XD It was supposed to help you regulate your breathing and stuff but I just probably got more anxious about it. I wonder if it is anxiety that has been causing me all sorts of worrisome chest related problems, as they have persisted till now more than a decade later unresolved and still causing me bother. This is one of the health problems out of many which I have been trying to get to the bottom of and fix in the recent years, it’s really unsettling not knowing what’s really wrong or how to fix it ugh. Maybe I’ll write about it in a separate post another time (always putting off stuff ahhh, but I guess it makes sense to here), I’ve actually been trying real hard and gone through quite a lot of things in effort to resolve things, I’m kind of proud of myself for doing so but I need to continue to persevere.

Hmm... okay now for the therapist I went to in university. I can’t remember the exact thing that prompted me to start going or how I came to know of it, but it was probably the similar feelings of struggling and needing guidance and idk reading posters or some info booklets maybe. I know I started going later than I could have again and stopped going completely because... well, I ended up dropping out of Uni altogether :c I was struggling so badly, the anxiety, the depression etc. just made it so difficult to sleep, concentrate or understand anything and just being there unnerved me so much. I still regret it and feel like such a failure, but university isn’t for everyone anyways, I just chose to go because it is the typical thing to do after college (but a degree doesn’t guarantee work or anything so bleeeh~)

The therapist I was appointed was a guy and he was nice and this will sound really ridiculous and I feel real bad thinking this, but something about the way he looked reminded me of an army sergeant and it made me extra uncomfortable and intimidated. It was just so hard to unsee and also the fact he is a guy like I mentioned earlier make me unsettled (I’m even more insecure around guys) Dx Also I remember talking about some of my female related physical problems as I was going to doctors trying to sort stuff back then too (still partially unresolved now ugh) and well uh... it was so awks but he said he could understand and relate because his daughter had the same problem, he would share some stories about her other times too and I guess it was kind of nice, it helped me to see him more as a softer father type person rather than an army sergeant I guess lol.

Anyways that’s not important! One of the things I distinctly remember about my sessions there, is that one of his earlier sort of tasks was to write down what I thought of myself on a paper. I took the paper and I drew a simple scrawl of myself with an unhappy face and next to it (or in a speech bubble) I wrote ‘I hate myself’ and without looking up, I cried onto it... :< (I wonder how many times therapists have to see people cry a week or even a day ><) He gave me a sympathetic look and I don’t remember what else happened that session, probably just talked about some more basic stuff about myself and some positive thinking advice.

Another thing I found memorable is that he told me ‘you are the one that knows yourself best’ and it really stuck with me. There was also a kind of ‘you are the only one that can change yourself/you are the one that can help yourself most’ kind of phrase (but I can’t remember the exact wording) and before that he would use a sort of metaphorical situation and ask me what I would do. The one for this phrase was something about being out at sea/or a pool and needing help... *blank blank something something* ...uh I can’t remember the rest of the details and I don’t think I should guess because I made a whole lotta nonsense in the other paragraph before lol. Again it feels kind of unreal, like I was a different person then or that I’m seeing it from a different perspective... I wonder if it’s dissociation or something, it just feels so strange ><

Oh also this is semi-irrelevant but I went to have Dyslexia tests at both college and uni also (my friend that already went recommended me to go). I just wanted to know why I was struggling so bad, why I had so much trouble with concentrating, taking in info and all that stuff. Maybe I’ll write about the outcome of these and where they lead me another time (ugh) when I write about all my other health focused posts. I’ll just mention again that so many things in mental health and function overlap and that it’s so difficult to discern the definitive reasons for things, the diagnosis I got was...eh... and I took it with a grain of salt pretty much (and btw my family/relatives weren’t all that convinced or supportive of this or when I had a diagnosis of depression which was... well it wasn’t great). I’m glad I had the courage to go to these too because it did help me to understand myself and work a tiny bit more efficiently, but I guess my avpd-ness prevented me from wanting to use the stuff and advice they gave me in class and well, it was already kind of too late to sort of salvage what little motivation I had then and try continue.

Uh... that was hella negative. But I guess that’s basically all I remember about those things. I started writing this post on monday but well I guess I had more to write about than I thought and I didn’t have enough time alone to think about it and write it lol. I’ll finish this post by mentioning some of my more positive things from yesterday ^^ I phoned the mobile provider of this phone I bought recently and returned to get some details on my return. I’ve put this off for a few days already and wasn’t going to try, but I pushed myself to and yay I got the answer I wanted (though I could have said my question a bit more straight forward in the beginning instead but in the end I got there, so it’s okay xD). The past year or so I’ve called the doctors and my phone provider the most probably lol. About why I returned the phone... I just really wanted a new phone because mine is so old and frustratingly dysfunctional, but I changed my mind about the one I got and decided to wait to get another one. Indecision and impulse buying at it’s best yo~~~

Also I emailed an enquiry to a seller about some problem I had with some product bought from Amazon (which I’ve also been putting off). In general I feel I’ve been trying harder to not let that ‘oh no someone’s gonna judge me’ feeling from stopping me do some small things I wanted to do, like listen to this derpy old cd I found on my living room stereo just before and commenting on some things online (with my cheesy jokes and over enthusiastic complimenting as usual lol *facepalm*). Also thinking more positively about things like, when you feel you weren’t successful, it’s best not to beat yourself up about it, at least you tried and you can try again and it might be even better than previously. Like with this post, I didn’t finish it on monday or yesterday like I wanted, but there’s no point feeling down or mad at myself for it (I mean it was my own choice really and my fear stopping me, but it’s not gonna help to be overly harsh to myself about it) and since I’m continuing it now anyways, it’s no big deal. It wasn’t mandatory for me to finish it, I shouldn’t worry about it, no obligations! ^^ I hope I can keep it up and keep pushing out of my comfort zone too! 

Ze end~! Must go do something more productive! Let’s go~! :3