#all of these colors were at their Absolute value. as in instead of getting them off the color wheel i used the number sliders

[bonetrousledbones]

legitimately the only explanation i have for the process of this is that i listened to lights out by mindless self indulgence once and blacked out for an hour

[the-original-skipps]

|| When you move in together. || Wind Breaker ||

sooo uh funny story I actually posted this but it kinda disappeared i really tried finding it so i decided to post it again lol @kajibunny this is for you my love!! you’re the absolute sweetest <333

: Sakura Haruka. Suo Hayato. Kaji Ren. Umemiya Hajime.

❥ Sakura teared up when you asked him if he wanted to move in together. For the first time in his lonely life he will get to share a home with someone and that someone is none other than his most precious person in the entire world, you. Days leading up to the move, he had certain doubts plaguing his mind that maybe you'd come to regret this decision but you quickly eased his worries with your soothing words and gentle touch. Sakura doesn’t own a lot of belongings himself but the things he treasures are the things given to him by you. So, there wasn’t much to pack for him so instead he spent his time helping you pack your belongings. Stars literally shone in his eyes when he entered his new home, you giggled seeing him run around, inspecting every corner - like a child seeing his first snow. He was excited to unpack everything, asking you where things should go. When you called him out on his enthusiasm, he flushed red, stammering as he tried to deny. You don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting because Sakura insists on doing them all. Once you both settle in, in a rare moment he boldly pulls you into a tight embrace - his eyes glowing with warmth. “Thank you for giving me a place to call home...”

“Look! It’s our very own kitchen! Woah, this bathtub is huge! Is it really okay to call this mine…?”

❥ Suo did not express his happiness by jumping around or shouting at the top of his lungs. However, if he were to describe his reaction to your acceptance, that is what he felt inside when you agreed to move in with him. He'd nod along smiling as you rant on about the many things you'd like to do in the new house. A thought did cross his mind into hiring movers to do all the work (he’s a rich boy), but he figured it would be more personal and meaningful if you both did it. Suo has everything packed neatly and labeled, so you’d both have an easier time settling in. He’d always ask you if this is where you’d like this thing to be put here or not, valuing your opinion above his own. Suo does not mind if the curtains are of a certain color or if a certain furniture has a high price range. He’ll happily provide you with a card to spend to your heart’s delight. He’s just content to see a smile on your beautiful face. It really did not take long for you both to settle in, with strength remaining. Suo had everything planned out from the very beginning after all. Afterwards, Suo hugs you from behind as you both silently bask in the atmosphere of your new home.

“The sofa looks wonderful, my love. Though it would look better with you laying on it.”

❥ Kaji cracked his lollipop in one bite alone, when you asked him if he wanted to move in with you. It took him a moment to cool down his red face and racing mind, to properly give you an answer. When he said yes, you jumped onto him in excitement causing him to hurriedly catch you in his arms with a surprised yell. He wouldn’t voice it aloud but he was just as excited as you are. As he was packing each of his belongings into a box, his mind couldn’t help daydream of the life you’d share together. To wake up every morning to your beautiful face when the sun rises and to kiss you goodnight every night when the stars glimmer. You would no longer have to be separated from one another. He only snapped out of his daydream when the sound of a shutter came from your phone.

“You look adorable smiling to yourself. What were you thinking about?”

“Huh?! I wasn’t s-smiling! Delete that!!”

Instead of his usual headphones, Kaji opted to play music on a speaker, both his and your favorite songs while you both unpacked. You giddy moving around your new home, moving along to the music. Once your favorite song came on you couldn’t help but pull a reluctant Kaji along to dance. After a long day of unpacking, you both lay tired in the middle of your living room side by side - his hand tightly holding yours.

“Where do you want this to go? H-Hey, are you listening to me..?!”

❥ Umemiya is a picture of a man who received the greatest news of his life when you accepted his offer to move in. You had to keep him from bouncing off the walls with his enthusiasm. Not before him pulling you into the tightest hug, real happiness gleaming in his eyes. Umemiya being excited was an understatement, everyday leading up to the big move he would excitedly gush to you of all the new things he would like to do together with you. All the vegetables and fruits he would like to grow in his new garden and maybe even get a pet together. His excitement radiating off of him like the bright sun. You'd have to monitor the packing process because Umemiya would like to stuff everything into one box or misplace a few things. However, when it comes time to move your stuff in he'll quickly usher you to sit down while he brings every box in, despite your protests. He'd even take his shirt off when it gets hot. Even when Umemiya is in the other room, you could hear his animated talking - bringing a smile to your face with how adorable he is. He did not show a moment of tiredness throughout the whole move but once you're both in bed together he pulls you in close with a smile on his face, - drifting asleep.

"Imagine how many get togethers we can have! A barbeque in the summer and a hot pot party in the winter...!"

[briarcrawford]

World-building: Creating a Currency

Creating a currency might seem difficult, but it does not have to be. In this post I will help guide you along the path of creating your own fantasy currency, while also showing some historical examples from around the world.

Trade Instead of Physical Currency

While it might seem strange to some today, money was not the only thing you could use as payment. For example, in some places you could pay your taxes, work, or rent in: salt, eels, beer, saffron, or even urine. Work was also a currency; for example, if you wanted to use someone’s flour mill, you might have to work the owners field as payment.

The Roman Legions sometimes also used salt as currency. Due to the high value of salt, an ancient Roman proverb said that people who did their job well were “worth their salt.” (Or “worth their weight in salt.” Ancient Origins

The more isolated an area, the more likely it is that they will mostly or wholly use trade as their economy.

The Details

Increments:

Technically, all you need is one coin. For example, in America you can buy anything with enough pennies(one cent); anything at all. It is the lowest increment of money they have, and technically all you need. Of course the problem is that the more expensive the item, the more inconvenient that would be. Could you imagine trying to bring enough pennies to buy a car or house?

So for the sake of convenience, other levels of money are added, such as 100 pennies equaling to a dollar. Commonly in money, single digit numbers are used for small-value currency (such as 1 cent and one dollar or 5 cents and 5 dollars), then once you get to higher levels of currency, everything is in increments of 10’s (such as 10 dollar bills, 50 dollar bills, and so on).

As well as all I mentioned, it is also worth noting that the higher you go, the harder it is for the average person to get their hands on. For example, it was not until I was working the cash register as an adult that I saw my first $100 bill.

For your own currency, start with the absolute lowest number, then decide how many more official levels you would like. In medieval England, there were13 coin types.

Names:

Rather than just calling something by their number value, many places also come up with names for them as well. For example, 25 cents in Canadian coins are called “quarters,” 10 cents are called “dimes,” and 5 cents are called “nickles.”

Slang Terms(Optional):

As if having the number value and the names are not enough for people, some places also have slang terms for their money. For example, some places base their names off of the color (such as a red 20-dollar note being called a lobster), while others might have names based off the imagery on said currency.

Area’s of Use:

Just like how you could get a coin from a different country and know it is not from your own, that also occurred in history. It is important to know what areas had what currency, and also what areas would accept other types of currency.

Your currency from your one kingdom might not be worth anything to a neighboring one. In fact, if your two kingdoms are enemies, carrying your own currency in their kingdom could put you at risk.

Sometimes, currency is more local. For example, in an isolated fishing community, the locals might still use shell coins despite the capital city of their kingdom using metal coins. This is simply because they have no one making metal coins for their small community, so they have no use for them. However, this also means that if any of them were to want to visit the city, they would need to find a way to get the correct currency.

Appearance:

Material:

Commonly for currency, you would try to pick a material that is hard for the average person to easily get their hands on. This is mostly to make it so not everyone can simply create their own money, and because rare things tend to hold more value to people. For example, gold is not easy for the average person to find, so it is still used as a currency today under the free-market system.

However, your currency can be made out of absolutely any material you prefer. In history, leather, shells, clay tokens, wooden tokens and tally’s, and metal coins, have all been used.

“Shell money is a form of currency that was used in various parts of the world, including Asia, Africa, and Oceania. This type of money makes use of a type of marine snail known as cowrie and therefore is known also as cowrie shell money. In some parts of the world shell money served as currency up until the 19th/20th century.” Ancient Origins

Imagery:

You can really have anything you want on a coin. For example, the Canadian loonie literally has a loon on one side, and the English monarch on the other. Almost all of the other coins also sport various animals, and Canada isn’t the only place that opted for animals. There was a celtic coin with a horse, a greek coin with a crab, and a roman coin with an elephant.

Sometimes the imagery was a symbol that meant a lot to the locals(such as the ruling person, a deity, mythological creature, or another symbol with deep meaning to the locals), while other times it could be just what the area is most known for. For example, a coin with a wheat stalk for an agriculture region.

Shape and Size of Currency:

If all your coins are made out of the same material, currency size would likely dictate the increment of value; such as smaller coins being worth less than bigger coins. This is due to judging the value based on the the amount of the material there, which can sometimes confirmed by weight.

Other times, the shape may be for convenience; such as a bead or a coin with a hole so you can keep them together on a string, or having flat coins for easy stacking.

However, coins can come in any shape you wish; such as the shape of an animal, a spade, or even a knife. While there have been some rather awkwardly shaped coins in history, I do suggest keeping them somewhat small for ease of carrying.

Free Generators

If, after all this, you are still completely lost on where to start, there are free money generators you can try.

RanGen Currency Generator

Springhole Currency Generator

[cozy-lake]

🌈 Happy pride month to

Feminine trans men and masculine trans women- your gender expression does not lessen or invalidate your gender.

Religious queer people- your god loves you, and your queer identity does not take away from your beliefs.

Allosexual aromantic people- you are not predatory, and your identity is valid.

Queer people in Palestine, in Sudan, in the DRC- you should be able to be celebrating pride instead of enduring the horrors that you are living through.

Nonbinary people who use she, he, it, and/or neopronouns- you are not any less nonbinary than people who use they/them pronouns.

All people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums- you are part of the LGBTQ+ community no matter how much people try to claim you aren’t. You are so beautiful.

Queer people in “straight” or “straight-passing” relationships- you are still queer no matter what gender you are dating.

Queer people of color- the intersection of your race and your sexuality/gender/romantic orientation is beautiful, and deserves to be celebrated.

Trans people who can’t or don’t want to physically transition- your gender is valid, regardless of what surgeries or hormones you get or don’t get.

People who identify with xenogenders- you are not a stereotype and you are absolutely not to blame for transphobia. Your gender is amazing.

Disabled queer people- you deserve access to queer spaces. Your accessibility needs are important and should be considered in every queer space.

Queer people that didn’t come out until later in life- no matter how old you were when you realized your identity, you still belong, and you are a valued member of the community.

People who use multiple sets of pronouns- you are so gorgeous and you deserve to have all of your pronouns used.

Queer parents- your queerness does not make you a bad parent. Whether you’re raising a child alone or with a partner, your family is so beautiful.

People dating multiple other people- your love for one partner is not diminished because of your love for another. Your relationships are as wonderful as you are.

Queer kids with parents/family that are not accepting of them- you will find people that love you for who you are. Your family’s beliefs are not reflective of your value as a person.

ALL people in the LGBTQ+ community. Queerness should be celebrated during pride month and all year round, and regardless of what your identity is, you deserve to celebrate who you are with people that love you.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[liminalpebble]

Stray: Part 7

Masterlist link

Stray: Part 7

His human came home that evening slightly late, but absolutely elated. Loki felt his heart swell to nearly bursting when he saw your smile. You breezed in and immediately lifted him and kissed him on the nose, then snuggled him close and kissed his velvety head.

“Oh, Loki. I've had such an amazing day!” you said flitting around, putting groceries away and kicking off your heels, nearly dancing with joy. “Mr. Mullen called me to his office and he's giving me a chance! He even apologized for being such an ass before.”

Good, Loki thought with a devious smirk. I guess he does value being in one piece.

He watched as you stroked the lovely purple cardigan then reluctantly took it off, placed it on a hanger, and smoothed out the delicate fabric with care.

Sweet mortal! Loki thought, You needn't be so careful with it. It's not some great treasure...just a token. I would get you hundreds of them, one for every day of the year, in every color. I would see that you never feel cold again.

But then he remembered the kind of creature you are, grateful for everything, expecting nothing, treating every good thing, person, and gift as something precious. He watched as you took a professional outfit out of a Mullen's Department Store bag and laid it out on the sofa. The crisp new fabric of the pencil skirt was a sharp contrast to the threadbare upholstery.

“Well Loki, what do you think? I've never had to buy office clothes before. I'm not sure about it but Tammy helped me pick it out.”

“Meow”. I approve! Very classy...but you'd look so much lovelier in an Asgardian court gown with a crown upon your head. That would be more befitting your beauty.

His human chuckled, and seemed to only understand his affirmation. “Thank you. I'm so glad you like it. I have a feeling you have great taste,” you said as you massaged between his ears until he purred with satisfaction. Sitting, you gathered him more closely into your arms, meeting his lovely, rare eyes and said, “You know...ever since I found you, everything has gotten better. I mean...not just the good luck of a promotion and meeting Henry. Just...you make every day better. I was so alone before. Thank you, little kitten. You're so important to me.”

You stroked his back and all he could do was purr as he floated on your praise. He had never felt such sheer pleasure from bringing joy to another being. Loki had also rarely ever been praised for anything either...mostly told to shut up or stop. He was ecstatic, bursting at the seams. He longed to reveal himself to you and finally ask you to spend your lives together on a grand adventure, but how could he? How would you believe him? How would you take it?

Come on, Loki ,he encouraged himself, you're the god of mischief. Scheming is what you do. Do it for a glorious purpose this time.

Patience was never his favorite thing, but he was determined to try it for his sweet human. The younger prince of Asgard felt an unusual pang of anxiety. Loki rarely faced anything in his long life that presented a true challenge or obstacle; but here it was before him. You were worth it, he decided. For you, and only you, he would find a way.

----

That weekend you didn't receive a call from Henry. You did, however receive a letter in your mailbox in that same lovely handwriting on green and gold paper.

Darling,

I know there is Fall Carnival is this weekend at that lovely orchard outside of town, and I have never attended such an event before. Would you be my date for the day? Meet me in front of your building at 3 pm on Saturday and we'll have a splendid day together.

Sincerely,

Henry

Reading the note, you couldn't help smiling so wide your cheeks hurt. What an odd man! Sending courtly letters instead of calling like a normal person. It was incredibly charming, though; idiosyncratic in a way that inclined you to trust him. You guessed he wasn't so perfectly confident after all, if phone calls scared him. You couldn't blame him though. They scared you too.

So on Saturday, just before 3 pm, you kissed the little cat goodbye, then swung out the door in the one nice pair of jeans you owned and a sturdy raincoat, excitement and anticipation crackling through your bloodstream.

----

Loki's irrepressible Cheshire cat grin unfurled across his face as he turned to see you hurrying toward your front door. You couldn't believe how handsome 'Henry' he looked; like an English country gentlemen, with his perfectly coordinated leather boots and coat. Evaluating your own ratty hiking boots and dated parka you felt like slinking away in embarrassment, but it was far too late for that.

Still, he kissed your hand like a princess and said, “Darling! Thank you for joining me today. You look absolutely lovely!”

“Henry...I look like I'm going hiking...and possibly like I'm living in a tent. I feel terribly under-dressed next to you.”

He looked genuinely concerned for a moment. “Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel self-conscious. I'm sure we'll be equally muddy by the end of the day, in any case,” he paused, looking deeply into your eyes, “and I'm sure you look lovely in anything at all.”

“You, sir, are dangerously charming,” you quipped, scrunching your nose in that adorable way you often did. You couldn't know how the little habit always made him fall to pieces.

---

At the orchard the carnival rides were in full frenzied swing. The hundreds of multi-color bulbs painted swaths of pulsing color around the makeshift amusement park and further into the fields beyond. The rusty omnipresent hue of old machinery blended into the natural coppery-colored remainders of autumn foliage. You walked through the crowd, each holding cups of warm cider and talking between languid steps and steamy sips.

“You know, in all the years I've lived here,” you said, “I've never come to this carnival. Thank you for giving me a nudge to do it.”

“My absolute pleasure,” he assured you. “I've never been here either.”

You just observed his lovely patrician face for a moment until he finally noticed and said, “What is it?”

You grinned and stopped in your tracks, “Uh...nothing...it's nothing...just. You seem like some kind of incredibly fairytale prince...the way you talk, and your fine clothes and gifts and...and leaving letters instead of calling. How did you know my address, by the way?”

“Ah...well...Janet helped me out with that one. She said it was very romantic and was happy to be in on it,” he said with a shy grin.

You chuckled knowingly, “Well it is, and you are incredibly disarming, but you already know that. And she's still so young. Her whole world revolves around romance. Life hasn't taken that from her yet. I hope it doesn't.”

You both continued walking but he tilted his head to observe you. Some unspoken sadness flickered across your face; some history of aching rejection he had yet to discern. It was a scar, and he wanted to kiss it.

“What? Don't you think romance makes life worth living?”

You scoffed at him, assuming he was being sarcastic, but his eyes were completely innocent and sincere. “Well...I don't know. I never counted on it or looked for it. There were always more practical concerns. I figured if I told myself I didn't want or need it, it wouldn't hurt so much to never have it.” You shrugged. “It just always seemed like something meant for other people, not me. So I looked for joy and meaning in everything else,” you said looking around thoughtfully, “...in kindness, in the things I get excited about learning, in the small beautiful parts of life. Even on the bad days I try not to take anything for granted.”

“Wow,” he said, “are you some kind of saint?”

You raised and eyebrow at him and said, “I assure you. I'm far from it.” And I'd like to show you personally how far from it I could be, you thought and then pushed it away just as quickly.

“I have sad and weak and angry days. I have days where I want to scream and jump out of my fucking window. I often feel alone and...different. I wonder what's wrong with me that I don't let anyone get too close.”

He considered this. “ You are different, and it's wonderful.” He realize he was staring. It was making you uncomfortable, so he changed tact slightly, reorganizing his thoughts. “Well, it's no great mystery, right? You've dealt with being hurt and disregarded by the people who were supposed to love you. That's a deep wound, and now your impulse is to survive...but maybe...just maybe, you could thrive while you're at it?”

You gave him a cautious grin, “That's a lovely thought...here's to hoping. I haven't felt hope for awhile, but it's making an appearance lately,” you said, toasting his your little paper cup with his and downing the last sips of your hot cider. When you both drained your cups, you were surprised to see Henry suddenly crumple his cup, throw it to the ground, and shout “Another!”. He quickly realized from the startled faces around him that his Asgardian gesture of appreciation must not be a universal one. “Oh,” he said with a chuckle, picking up the little cup; throwing it and yours into the garbage can. “I'm terribly sorry! Force of habit...it's a Scandinavian thing.”

You giggled a musical irrepressible laugh, and he felt himself go weak under its spell. He wanted to hear you laugh like that as often as possible. You pointed a finger against his firm chest stepped slightly closer, so the icy clouds of your breath mingled in the crisp air, “You are a delightfully odd man, Henry. I like you. I...I really like you,” you said, making eye contact. He met your gaze so intensely that you forgot to breathe. His hand curled around yours resting it against the soft leather of his coat. “I like you too, darling. So...so much. I know it's cliché and makes me sound utterly insane but I feel so comfortable with you...like I was meant to know you my whole life.”

You were stunned for a moment; partially because you felt entirely the same way, and partially because that did sound utterly insane. While your mind struggled to wrap around what he had just said, he massaged your hand gently and exclaimed, “My god! Darling, you're absolutely frozen. I should get you some gloves next time.” He untied his large wine-red scarf from his own neck and wrapped it around yours, then bundled your hands carefully in the draping ends.

Loki longed to kiss you in that moment. He wanted to kiss you so badly it ached within him every moment he didn't, but he found he couldn't, which puzzled him. He had never had any hesitation with kissing anyone before. Loki had never known the experience of nervousness or self-consciousness in romance...until now.

Why! He shouted within his mind You idiot, why aren't you kissing her right now?

Then a smaller voice within his mind piped up; an uncertain voice of his younger more insecure self, Because, what if I don't deserve her?

You were disappointed. He could see it clearly in your eyes. You wanted it just as much as he did, and the liminal silent tension was wearing on your both.

You couldn't bring yourself to initiate a kiss he might not want, so instead you wrapped your arms around his lanky waist and snuggled into his chest affectionately, whispering a simple “thank you”. Loki paused for a moment, stunned by the gesture, amazed to have you in his arms. Suddenly he gripped you very tightly, as if afraid you might drift away like a perfect dream upon waking. He felt a tear roll down his cheek in the icy air, first warm and then cool against his skin as he enjoyed the weight of you against him, close to him.

@averagetmblrusser @primrosesposts @fruityfucker @arunabrak @mischief2sarawr @ladyofthestayingpower @acidcasualties @unlucky-number-13 @goblingirlsarah @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokihiddleston @chokeanddagger @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @marcotheflychair @smolvenger @alexakeyloveloki @littlespaceyelf @little-wormwood @loopsisloops @joyful-enchantress @eleniblue @loz-3 @the-haven-of-fiction @sweetsigyn @muddyorbs @icytrickster17 @holdmytesseract @thenerdyoldersister @thedistractedagglomeration @sailorholly @coldnique @sarahscribbles @peaches1958 @infinitystoner @peachyjinx @mischiefmaker615 @jennyggggrrr @tripleyeeet @itsybitchylittlewitchy @mochie85 @huntress-artemiss @madi0987 @buttercupcookies-blog @annoyingsweetsstranger

[tinkerbelle05]

I See You

Characters: Ao’nung x GN!Metakaynia!reader, Lo’ak x GN!Metakaynia!reader (one-sided on Lo’ak’s part)

Warnings: angst, denial of feelings, jealousy, fluff at the ending

Summary: After seeing you had become close to Lo’ak, Ao’nung started to feel jealous. But he wasn’t jealous because he liked you, he was simply looking out for you. Then, he noticed that Lo’ak was getting closer to you and then you saved him from drowning. Ao’nung realizes his feelings and takes some inspiration to snatch your attention away from the forest boy. 

Word count: 4,935

Taglist & Masterlist

Ao’nung has known (Y/N) for as long as he knew life. He couldn’t think of a time when you weren’t attached to his sister’s hips. And in a way it made sense, your parents were good friends with his parents. So for most of his life, you were just another annoying sister and someone he generally ignored unless he wanted to prank you with his friends. 

But then at some point, he saw you in a different light. The way you smiled at him, all toothy and sweet. The way the sun would shine on your blue eyes, how your skin was the same teal color as the ocean, and the marking on your skin looked like the waves. How he would love to trace them with his fingers.

In every sense of the word, you were undoubtedly stunning. You gave him butterflies, and Ao’nung didn't get butterflies. Sure, he gave other people those feelings because look at him. But it was never the other way around. 

 Instead, it was. And there was proof of those feelings whenever your hand brushed against his or how your laugh made him smile. Hell, even you looking in his general direction did something to him.

“Oh Eywa, dude this is getting depressing now,” Rotxo grumbled in irritation. “This is the 3rd time this week I caught you staring at them, looking like a lost baby ilu.” 

Ao’nung and Rotxo were sitting by the shore, watching you play with your ilu. You were just laughing and splashing in the water with him, no care for anything but the two of you.

He groaned at his friend but before he could say anything Rotxo stopped him. “No, no, I am being serious right now. You like them, so why not just grow a pair and tell them how you feel? Your whole personality is being confident so I don’t get it.”

Ao’nung looked at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. While he and Rotxo were close, they weren’t the type to pour out their feelings to each other. It’s just not the type of person that he was. It wasn't an easy thing for Ao’nung to do. To expose the deepest part of himself to others. 

His pride is something he greatly valued but it’s so fragile, like glass, that he will do anything to protect it. Which is why he couldn’t tell you how he felt. Ao’nung and you were at a place where you could consider yourself comfortable in the presence of the other and, telling you might end up ruining the comfort you felt around him.

“Because it’s not that serious, man.” He quietly chuckled at his friend like this was a joke. One big joke. “It’s just a little crush. Trust me it won’t get any deeper than that.” Rotxo didn’t look the least bit convinced with his answer by the way his eyes flicked up and down, judging me like I was a fool. And hey, maybe he was the fool for making things harder than they needed to be. But this is his plan so he’s sticking to it. “Hey, wanna go on an ilu race? Or is all this sentimental talk to stop me from absolutely destroying you?”

Rotxo has many great, and equally horrible, qualities. One of them was extremely 50/50, his competitiveness. Sometimes he’d get way too into it, and if that’s coming from Ao’nung, then you know it’s bad. Sometimes, not as much. However, it also means if you pushed the right buttons, he’d lose track of whatever he was originally thinking.

He glared at Ao’nung, offended that he’d even imagined the idea of beating him, much less speaking it into existence. “So, that’s how it’s gonna be?” He got up and started to call to his ilu and Ao’nung readily followed suit. It was supposed to be a ruse to get Rotxo to drop the topic, yet he’d only just scratched the surface.

“Yo, (Y/N) come and be the ref for our race!” Rotxo called out to you and gave his friend a knowing look. That conniving little shit, always having something up his eywa-damned sleeve.

But before he could give Rotxo hell for it, they appeared. The forest people, riding on their..ikans? He thinks they're called. Ao’nung wonders what they were here for. Forest people belong in the forest, not the reefs. 

“Guys, father is calling a clan meeting,” Tsireya called out to us. She looked confused, and slightly anxious, mainly confused. Her lips were pursed together and her eyes were darting around. Ao’nung knew why, the last time a group of Na’vi, he assume from the forest, traveled out this far it had not been good news.

It happened 15 years ago, a year just after hr was born. The war, as the people called it. The Toruk Makto, a former Dreamwalker, rallied up the many clans who lived in the forest, along the reefs, and on the plains to fight against the other Dreamwalkers. The war was devastating even though we won. Homes were destroyed and families have ripped apart.

They all walked along the path to the clan meeting grounds. The usual chit-chattering was replaced by dead silence as each Metkayina racked their brains for why this was happening, and what it could mean for their clan.

____________________________________________

Ao’nung was fucking seething, frothing at the mouth even. He was so irritated, it wasn't fair at all. It wasn’t, it just wasn’t fair. For some reason, his father had asked, no, he had demanded that Ao’nung and his sister help the Omatiakan teens settle into their new home.

It turns out that the oh-great Toruk Makto and his family are being hunted, so instead of fighting  like an actual Na’vi would have, he ran away like those Dreamwalkers do. Ao’nung guessed under the blue skin and towering height, he still was nothing more than a Dreamwalker, a demon. 

He didn’t come asking for help to battle, but to hide and cower like a coward with his family. And on top of that, some of them had 5 fingers. And they were forest people. Their indigo skin would stand out starkly against the vast and rich cerulean sea and make it harder to hide from predators that they couldn’t outswim or fight. Speaking about outswimming, their skinny tails and arms would make it hard for them to swim against the harsh currents. They would never survive in the reefs. And if Ao’nung had thought of all this, for certain, his Father did as well.

“Okay,” Tsireya says, clapping her hands together. “First order of business is introducing each other.” She smiled warmly at the forest people, that’s his sister for you. Always kind and welcoming, even to outsiders. He definitely hoped that you would have a better head on your shoulders.

 Right now everyone is sitting in a circle near the ocean. The actual first order of business was to teach the forest people how to breathe underwater. So pretty much teaching the basics that even kids as young as three could do in their sleep. 

Ao’nung still couldn’t understand why his father would volunteer him to waste his precious free time teaching these forest people. His sister seemed more than happy to teach them by herself so why’d he have to tag along? His only saving grace was that you were also in attendance, Rotxo having tagged along too. Not that he’s happy because he likes you or anything. Just that having his both friends here makes it more bearable.

“Well, I’ll go first,” You started with a warm grin on your face. So you didn’t have a good head on your shoulder. He didn’t know why he expected better, you were always one to lend a helping hand. 

You looked breath-taking today, your hair hanging loose and a set of matching bracelets adorned your wrist. They’d look really pretty with a necklace to finish off the look. “Hello, my name is (Y/N). It’s really nice to meet you guys, even if it’s under these circumstances.”

“Oh, that’s a pretty name,” one of the forest people said. “My name is Lo’ak.” he gave you a ‘charming’ smile that had Ao’nung pouting like a little baby.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ao’nung saw his sister smile slightly and murmur something under her breath. Now, he wasn’t the best mouth reader but he was pretty sure that she said that boy’s name. Does she like him? Already? It’s only been a few minutes, damn. Oh, Eywa help him.

The rest of the forest freaks and Rotxo introduced themselves but he couldn’t be bothered to listen to any of them. He saw the lingering glances that Lo’ak kept giving you and how you’d laugh at all of his stupid and frankly cringe-worthy jokes. But he doesn’t care, well he does care but not that much though.  But not because he likes you or anything, just looking out for you like a friend should. Yeah, just looking out for you because you deserve a good person and this Lo’ak dude is below average.  

Though, Ao’nung understood exactly why Lo’ak fell for you. While teaching them how to breathe, you were always patient and calm with everyone. Especially with Lo’ak who just so happens to always need extra help. And will always need it from you. To Ao’nung’s dismay, Lo’ak’s constant longing stares, bright smile directed towards you, maybe a touch that lasted too long all continued well into the months that the Sullys had stayed here. 

And then, it happened. It was during their training sessions when Lo’ak went under and hadn’t come out. Tsireya was the first to notice his absence, shouting at the others for help. Ao’nung brushed it off as him just wanting attention from you yet again. He’d been pretending that he can’t ride the ilu so he’ll need help or something along those lines if that didn't work.

However, you had dived right into the water in search of him, while his sister and Rotxo called to their ilus. 

“Neteyam, you guys stay here in case he washes up along the shore!” Tsireya called out before riding out into the blue waves on her ilu in search of the ‘missing’ teen.

“Shouldn’t we call the adults?” Kiri, the freakiest of them all, asked her brother. Neteyam was by far the only tolerable one. Then she looked at me, “Aren’t you gonna do something, fish lips?” She sneered the question out.

Ao’nung only rolls his eyes at her naivety. She had grown up with the idiot and still didn’t know his tactics.  “Oh give me a break. You guys have been here for weeks now, the only reason that idiot is ‘drowning’ is because he wants attention!” He snapped back at her.

Whatever the freak said next fell on deaf ears as he watched you pull the idiot out of the water. You were mesmerizing, the ocean blended in with your skin, making you seem a part of it. You looked powerful and fearless, carrying the boy on your back effortlessly. Once you got to the shore, the others quickly surrounded you guys. Ao’nung watched as you laid Lo’ak on his back, checking him over. Giving him your undivided attention. You started chest compressions on him and in a few minutes, he was coughing up water.

But let this be known, Ao’nung is not jealous because he doesn’t like you like that. He just doesn’t want you with someone who would pay a cheap trick like that on you. 

Laying his head in your lap and looking down at him you spoke gently. “Are you okay, Lo’ak? Can you breathe?” You looked up, face wrecked with worry and terror as you turned to Tsireya. “Reya, please go get your mother.”

“No,” Lo’ak protested weakly. He sits up but his hand is still holding on to yours. “I’m fine. Thanks for saving me.” He’s all smiles and heart eyes. Gross.

After the situation died down he went to his family’s shared Mauri, laying on his back and staring at the huts roof. That’s when he realized it. Thinking about the feelings he had regarding you and Lo’ak. He always knew, deep down, that he liked you. More than a friend. 

“I like them.” He says to himself, softly. Testing out the sentence on the tips of his lips. “I like them.” He said again, with more confidence this time. He likes the way saying it makes him feel. The beating of his heart and the heat from his cheeks. This feeling was familiar but foreign in the same way. Either way, he loved this feeling. He loved you.

The pain in his chest returned once he realized he was more than likely too late. He knew what that forest freak was going to do after this. It was clear as day, anyone could see it.  And he doesn’t know who he hates more. Lo’ak or himself.

____________________________________________

Ao’nung had an idea. It was a stupid and hypocritical given his thoughts on what Lo’ak had done, but it was an idea nonetheless. He wanted to tell you about his feelings. He wanted to say them so much that it hurt and his throat closed up from how dry his screams of confession would become. He didn’t know if you would accept his feelings but the least he wanted to say was the he tried.

Ao’nung and you were alone for the day, with the forest freaks off exploring and only Eywa knows where his sister had run off to. He didn’t know what was up with her these days but she’d been moody and snappy. 

The sun was high in the cloudless sky and the waves were calm. Usually, this scenery would soothe Ao’nung but nothing could with the pounding of his heart.

“So, wanna go for a swim today?” He asked you, he had assumed newly courted pairs would be together unless you had rejected Lo’ak or the fingered demon hadn’t said anything yet. No matter the reason, this was his chance.

“Yes, that would be great, Ao’nung.” You gave him a smile before a devilish smirk slipped onto your face. “The last one there is a rotten ilu egg!” Was the only warning he had gotten before you took off into the ocean.

Ao’nung let out a bright laugh and ran to join you in the ocean, determined to not lose. He dove into the water, the coolness of it was a relief from the scorching sun that was burning him a few minutes ago. One of the best things about living among the reefs was how calm the water was. The oceanic life around him was just beautiful, he saw it every day yet it always managed to take his breath away. The plants were colorful and the animals swam around you both, not paying attention to either of you as both you and Ao’nung admired them.

The swim was one of the best he had in a while, and it was most definitely not because you were there. Okay, maybe it was because you were here.

 He wanted to do it, to have your attention. No more forest boy trying to steal you away. And that's when he realized how. He'd go under, you'd save him, and then he’ll confess his feelings. It would be perfect.

So with a deep breath and his mind set on putting his plan into motion, he let go of his breath and let the water push their way into his lungs. The waters presence in his lungs was immediate and uncomfortable. Oh, Eywa, it was terrifying. His instincts were telling him to swim up or breathe correctly or do something. Ao’nung would like to say that he refused because he wanted the plan to work. But truthfully it was because he was in shock and he begged you'd notice.

And when you did, the panic in your eyes crushed him. Regret filled him immediately. You swarmed quickly towards him and, once securing your hold on him, swam upwards. You struggled slightly with the weight of you both dragging you down, not to mention how scared you were. Your tears mixed with the seas, a sight that broke him even more.

Death by drowning did not happen frequently because of how strict the Metkayina were with learning to hold your breath. But when it did, it was a tragedy, mostly because the victims did it on purpose. Ao’nung watched you as you dragged his body to the golden sandy shores and quickly began chest compressions on him. He watched as you pressed into his chest, counting to yourself. He was starting to hear a ringing noise and his vision started to blacken. The last thing he saw, the last thing he remembered was how wide your eyes were. How the eyes he had grown to love so much had tears pouring out of them as you screamed, but Ao’nung didn’t hear it.

When he had finally woken up in his family’s Marui, Ao’nung slowly blinked and tried to remember how he had gotten there.

Oh. 

Oh no.

He had to find you! He had to explain, he had to apologize. Shame and panic filled him and his heart grew heavy as he remembered the fear in your eyes and the tears that were already spilling. He had just wanted your attention, and was too much of a coward to be upfront with it. 

“You need to rest, my son,” his mother’s voice spoke to him as she entered the Marui. It was soothing and almost lured him back. Almost. He got up and tried to push past his mother, but she stopped him in his tracks.

“No. Mom, I have to..” He struggled against her and attempted to break free of her hold. But she was stronger than him and managed to get him back into his cot. “What you have to do is get better,” she corrected me with a hard look. But her eyes softened, “You have a visitor though.”

She gave Ao’nung a smile, before walking back out again to grab his visitor. Not even a minute later you come rushing in. Tears still stained your cheeks and your eyes were still red from how much had been crying. “Oh, Great Mother! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You repeated like a mantra and hugged him. The hug was fierce but not too strong. Even when you are hurting, you still are considerate.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” His mother said, standing by the entrance. Nothing gave away her true feelings but, with a knowing look directed to Ao’nung, she left the Mauri.

Once you’d calmed down, you smiled sheepishly at Ao’nung and cleared your throat, “Um, sorry for how I acted earlier. It…it was just so scary seeing you passed out like that. You looked so terrified and then you were out for days. But anyways, how are you feeling?”

Guilty, like an idiot, like…like how I described the Toruk Mako at the beginning. A coward. “I- I am fine.” He finally smiled back at you. He had to tell you. No no, he should tell you. He had no right to your attention. Not after what he had put you through. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“Wait! Wait, before that,” You smiled at him. The same bright smile that he loved to see so much. “I have something for you.” You pulled out a bracelet, it looked similar to the ones you always wore. Hell, you are even wearing them right now. You slipped it on his wrist and it was gorgeous. Made from different types of seashells that could be found littered around the shores.

“It’s an apology bracelet, and a little something more.” You said, not looking at him and with a small blush creeping its way onto your face. “Ao’nung, I am so so sorry. I wasn’t strong enough and I should’ve called for help but I didn’t. If I did, then maybe you would have woken up sooner.”

“Hey, hey. None of that.” He corrected you. “What happened to ‘it is your fault and your fault alone Ao’nung!’? Okay, do not blame yourself.” Guilty was absolutely wrecking him, how long had you been thinking this? He should tell you. Tell you now. But... ”Something more?” He questioned you. Yes, he was being racked with guilt and this ‘apology bracelet’ did nothing to help the feeling. But Ao’nung couldn't just ignore the ‘something more’. He couldn't ignore the beating of his heart. He had ignored his feelings enough.

You took a deep breath before confessing. You tell Ao’nung these feelings were always there and that you were worried that you’d always be the ‘childhood friend’. But having him almost die right in front of you, watching his eyes close with the possibility of them never opening again stirred you into action. 

Ao’nung was delighted to hear this from you. He’d never allow himself the dream that you’d actually reciprocate the feelings he kept hidden. It would hurt too much if he got his hopes up for nothing. But, like all good things, he knew this moment would not last. So he savored it, the emotions he felt, the way you looked at him, committing everything to memory. 

Then he confessed. 

For the kind and gentle soul you were, seeing you angry was like seeing a completely different person. Rage consumed you, and you lashed out at everyone. One of the elders described it as being stuck in the storm’s path with no clear way out. Another said it’s because you don’t get angry often so it just builds and then erupts like a fiery volcano. Doing more harm to yourself over anyone else.

You pulled your hands out of his quickly as if they were a piece of fresh coal, burning away at your skin. The look you gave made his body ache with sorrow, nothing but anger and disappointment could be seen in your eyes.

“So, let me get this right,  you were jealous of my ‘closeness’ with Lo’ak, and gave me a heart attack…gave everyone a heart attack-!” You shout at him in rage. And then proceed to throw up more screams of bitterness and anger. Not just at him, but everything. Ao’nung clutched the bracelet you had given him, to hold on to a sweet memory. It was no use trying to talk to you.  Too blinded by your emotions to listen. No less believe the boy.

“I…I can’t believe you’d do something so reckless, so selfish, so stupid! Everyone was worried for you. You could’ve died, Ao’nung!” You roared with your fists clenched at your sides. That’s when Ao’nung saw the tears that were rolling down your face. Not bothering to brush them away.

That was when Tsireya came running in, probably hearing your shouts and sobs. She looks between you two in puzzlement before looking at him in vexation. “What’s going on here?” She demanded of Ao’nung with a facial expression that looked eerily similar to their Mothers.

She turns to look at you but you simply shake your head at her with a weary smile before leaving. She turns to look at her brother with her signature ‘you are fucked’ stare. “What did you do?” She demanded again but spoke a lot more harshly.

Ao’nung could only sigh and tell her the whole story. She gave him a disappointed look, her eyes blown wide and mouth agape. Normally he’d give her shit for looking at him like that, but he deserved every last bit of disappointment that was about to be thrown his way. And, every bit of the verbal lashing his mother will soon give him when word gets out.

After a moment of silence, she talks. “You need to apologize to Ao’nung. I know that is a given but seriously. They were a mess and inconsolable for days after you passed out, and would hardly leave your side.” She looks away from him for a minute but then talks. “Lo’ak, did like them and the stunts he played were for their attention, but they always liked you.” With that, she leaves him to think about the revelation. He couldn’t mistake the voice crack she had halfway through though. 

For days, Ao’nung sat there, thinking of what he should say and how he should say it. He’d twist the shells on the bracelet you gave him before everything went to shit. 

“What troubles you, my son?” His father asked him one day while Ao’nung lay in his bed, his depressive state yet to pass. He just wanted to curl up and hide away, even if he did have a game plan to apologize, he couldn’t either way. “Well.” Tonowarai walks over to his cot and sits on the edge, a patient smile on his face.

Ao’nung let out a low exhale and proceeded to tell him everything that happened. He was honestly surprised that Tsireya hadn’t ratted him out yet but she hadn't been there for a few days. 

His father narrowed his eyes at him. “So you endangered yourself…because you were jealous?” He asked the question slowly and stared at him puzzled. “First, you are definitely grounded for that stupid stunt because I and your mother did not raise a skxawng. That behavior is not of someone who will one day lead the clan.” But his father’s eyes grew softer as did his tone. “Secondly, be honest with them. It’s been a few days so maybe they might’ve calmed down but know this. They are not obligated to accept your apology or to be as close as you once were.”

Every time Ao’nung would come to you, he was ignored. He would try to say hello just for you to mumble an excuse and scurry away or if it even looked like he’s walking in your general direction you would take off. He doesn’t take this to heart, remembering his father’s wise words. It was rather annoying but he knew he deserved it. For the next three days Ao’nung has been collecting seashells from the sand and asked Rotxo to collect shells from the ocean. Not that Ao’nung was scared or anything because that would be embarrassing. It’s just…easier to have Rotxo do it while Tsireya teaches him how to weave a necklace for you, that he was planning to be similar to the matching bracelets you had. 

So, maybe he was a bit scared of the water, liking going too deep with no one around. But, slowly, with the help of his mother, he was getting more comfortable. 

Today was the day. It was nearing eclipse when Ao’nung found you with his gift in hand and he slowly approached you. He didn’t get that close when you held a hand up, stopping him. In a monotone and cold voice, you spat at him “What?”

“I am so sorry-” He started to say.

“No!” You butt in. “I do not want to hear this from you, I can’t hear this from you Ao’nung. I can’t.” Despite your attempts at keeping your voice leveled, it still broke. To hear this emotion in their voice just shattered his heart. To think that your hurt was because of him.

Ao’nung held on to your shoulders as you tried their best to get out of his grip and just away from him in general. He forced your eyes to meet, and for the first time in weeks, he saw those gentle blue hues he missed so much. Saw the bright white freckles dotting your teal skin, and saw the wave-like marks on your body. He saw the anger and pain he had caused you, the tears that never ended, the glare you sent at him. He saw them all.

He caressed your face like it was the most precious pearl in the ocean  and spoke, “I am truly sorry for the pain and despair I caused you. The reasoning will not make it any better but please let me explain. You can go our entire lives hating and wanting nothing to do with me, but please let me explain.” 

You slowly nod your head and put some distance between the two, now his grip had loosened. “Go on Ao’nung.”

Ao’nung began, “I’ve always…liked you, but I thought that you would never like me the same and so as to not ruin our friendship I said nothing and pretended that I didn’t like you. But then those fore-.” He paused, “The Omatiycans came. Lo’ak came, and he got too comfortable with you. It made me jealous to see the closeness and the attention you gave him. So instead of being honest with you, I decided to pretend to drown. But I did not do this as a sick joke, I did it because I care for you a lot and I just didn’t know how to say it.”

Ao’nung sucked in a breath, before he whispered to you, “ I…I did it because I see you.”

Silence engulfed you two as Pandora became alive in the night. The bright plants bloomed around the two of you, definitely setting a more romantic vibe. Ao’nung watched as you took a deep breath and considered some things. He did not know what was going on in your head but he surely hoped that you took his words into consideration before taking action. He even pleaded with Eywa.

“You said that you..see me?” You question him, your eyes widen as his words finally click.

He blinked, nervously looking to the side as his teal skin showed some resemblance of a blush. “Yes..I meant every word that I said. What I did was childish, and for that I am sorry.”

“It’s okay, Ao’nung I forgive you. But you will be making it up to me.” You said with a serious tone.

Ao’nung lets out a small chuckle, just happy that he was forgiven. He leaned in, his breath fanning your cheek, before giving it an almost experimental kiss. “Well,” He brings out the matching necklace he spent days crafting, a cheeky grin growing on his face as he pulled back. “This is for you.”

You gasp at the sight of it and take it gingerly into your hands. Your eyes wide with and your hold gentle, almost as if it could break at any given moment.. Ao’nung watches as you inspect the necklace, your love for crafting making this stare a lot more nerve wracking for him. Truth be told, he was nervous as hell, but if it wasn’t up to your standards then he’d remake it until you're satisfied. 

“Wait, Ao’nung..this matches the bracelets I made.” You marveled at him with shining eyes and a bright smile on your face. It was just nice to see you smile at him like you used to.

“Yes, which means that we have a matching set.” He shows his wrist, shaking it and looking at the bracelet you had made him. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and hug him, staying still and relishing the moment as he wraps his arms around your waist. After a few seconds of silence you whisper into his ear,

“I see you too Ao’nung.”

____________________________________________

Tag list & Dedication

I would love to give a special thanks and dedication to  @enslique for being my lovely editor and making the fic 10x better, and to  @crabcollectorskykid for allowing me to use their idea from a shitpost they made. 

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

Please do your Sanctifying Kim Take!

Perceiving that man through HDB coloured glasses put me off of most fandom depictions of him. Not to mention how absolutely tiny he's depicted when he's of completely average size. (2-3inches shorter than Harry who is above 6ft. Like I get people do be havin size kinks, but that man's not short)

Canon Kim is the most trigger happy cop depicted in the entire game. He shot 6 kids people between working in juvenile detention and processing, is a severely repressed speedfreak with unprocessed grief (still working Dom's cases) and a wild card (not above using Harry's amnesia to manipulate Joyce when he knows him for a couple of hours), who can maybe have 2 Auth over world soggiest superstar but let's be honest don't we all?

He is so petty that he will die in the tribunal if you give away his pen lmao. Like that man is literally two steps above Harry when it comes to being a weird cop, and that's being lovingly understanding. He needs Martinaise just as much as HDB does.

op I am holding your face gently and shaking like a wet chihuahua. you, you get it.

Here’s my thing — as a general theme, I’ve noticed fandom takes seem to lean into the belief that because Harry’s deification of Dora crashed and burned so spectacularly, that (1) deification of Kim would be just as unhealthy and (2) Kim would outright reject that kind of worship.

And like. Okay. I can see how you’d make a case for that, sure. Except as you pointed out Kim is actually really fucking weird, and damaged in his own way, and most importantly — Kim wants to be cool. There’s a purple check that outright states Kim values being perceived as cool FAR MORE than he lets on. I’ve already written a post that mentions how significant it is for Kim that Harry thinks he’s cool, and what I’m gonna say next is an extension of that:

I think, somewhere deep down and repressed, Kim would actually love being deified by someone, and if Harry put in the work to have a healthy relationship with religion, they could actually make that dynamic work.

Long thoughts and explanation under cut:

Alright a little background on me: I was raised Unitarian Universalist and have a history of deifying my lovers. Harry’s anguish over Dora was very heartbreakingly familiar (although I didn’t destroy my life quite as spectacularly), and the way Harry uses inquiry to engage with belief systems (personal, political, scientific, and religious) is VERY Unitarian. One of our precepts is literally the constant and continuous search for truth and meaning in the world, and that’s Harry’s whole MO. So a lot of this is personal experience coloring interpretation.

A few years ago I wrote a piece of meta about why Tian Guan Ci Fu, a novel about a worshiper’s love for a prince turned god, is better treated as a fairy tale instead of a typical character-driven novel. I bring this up because in the meta I set forth that there were three really big themes that the story teaches us about divinity:

Books Two and Four encapsulate Xie Lian’s biggest lesson - that no one person can hope to end all suffering, even a god, and that putting a person on a pedestal places unachievable expectations upon them.

The rest of the books deal with two different but tangential lessons — devotion means seeing the best in people, regardless of their flaws; devotion also means inevitable destruction when you are not valued to the same degree.

I bring this up because, incidentally, these are the EXACT same themes that Disco Elysium deals with in regards to deification and devotion. I firmly believe the rest of the text about Innocences corroborates this, but even just looking at Harry and Dora, these themes are SCREAMINGLY relevant. Harry destroyed himself when Dora, his Innocence and god, left him. Their relationship was never really equal — there was a class difference, the abortion and difference in want for parenthood, the fact she walked out on him at least one before. Harry placed Dora on such a high pedestal that he set her up to fail him when she couldn’t handle Harry’s addiction and deteriorating mental health at a job she encouraged him to pursue.

Because a really important caveat about those themes I didn’t elaborate on — “regardless of flaws” doesn’t mean never acknowledging them. I really think Harry got into his head that Dora could truly do no wrong and found himself increasingly hurt and floundering when she proved just how wrong that was, and instead of acknowledging things they BOTH needed to work on — to do better, to improve, to grow — Harry got angry, resentful, and depressed and Dora got out of there.

And I don’t blame her, nor anybody else who did the same. I don’t blame Jean’s anger with Harry’s carelessness with his life, even if the way he expresses it is actively harmful. But the problem is Harry is a vast, vast soul — he feels things very deeply and extremely. I like fics where he learns to work through it and love a person to a Normal(tm) degree, but there’s a part of me deep down that feels like that is impossible for him. There is vitriol or there is devotion and there is little to nothing in-between for him, and for him a healthy relationship isn’t less devotional/religious as much as it is reconceptualizing what it means to be divine — stealing from my TGCF meta, he needs to remember that deities were human before they were ever his god, and as someone who’s worked as a cop, he should KNOW how messy humans are.

And minus himself, fuck if there isn’t a human messier than Kim Kitsuragi.

I’ve written a bit about Kim’s self-image and the significance of Harry finding him cool before. Kim is honestly a mess. He’s implied to be still struggling with the death of his partner some time in the past, is trigger happy and hates it, and is also implied to be ostracized from his coworkers. Kim does his job because he genuinely thinks it’s one of the only ways he can do good under a military regime that’s got airships ready to attack at a moment’s sign of rebellion. He smokes one cigarette a way to challenge his own volition and give off an air of untouchability because he has to be cool, he has to, he has no power in his life if he doesn’t!

But I genuinely believe that cool is tested at every turn, and I think there’s very few people who see the cool without seeing everything else about him — all the things he’s ashamed of, that make him feel lesser or othered. And Harry sees all those things over time, with a thorough enough run — he learns about “Kimball” and the bad eyesight and his fierce protection of his status as a “true Revacholiere”.

But it’s day one that Harry can call Kim cool. Regardless of flaws you uncover or not, Harry can see Kim as someone to be admired. Because that’s what Harry does with people he likes. And when was the last time anyone called Kim cool and meant it genuinely?

I think it’s noteworthy that Kim tries to stay humble when Harry gets excited about Kim — he downplays himself or pulls Harry out of flights of fancy about the degree of his “coolness”. He reminds Harry that he’s human… even if inwardly he preens at praise and recognition. (I’m too lazy to go through the Fayde viewer right now to back myself up, but just really pay attention to his Empathy checks sometime). Kim keeps Harry from constantly putting him on a pedestal like he did to Dora.

It’s also noteworthy that regardless of what a hot mess you are re: addiction, Kim still respects you as a detective and will defend you to your precinct. Remember that third theme, about relational devotion? Devotion doesn’t work if you’re deifying someone who doesn’t respect you, and thus won’t hold you to the standard of their divinity. There’s a thing in teaching where teachers want to shy away from difficult or disruptive students, thinking we’re accommodating them when in reality we’re not challenging them and are disrespecting their right to learn. Respect also means setting boundaries and trust, and I don’t know how much of either Dora and Harry had by the end.

Kim sets boundaries right off — No, we will not talk about the pissing contest until the field autopsy is done, don’t even try asking again. Yes, I do think now is a bad time for a drink and you should stop being careless with your life. No I will not tell you a secret about myself. Kim isn’t afraid to draw lines in the sand with Harry, because not only does he respect himself, but he wants to see that Harry respects him, too.

And in exchange, Kim displays his respect openly in front of peers — in front of the organization he’s worked to protect his reputation within — to defend Harry. Known drunk, bad-cop-or-cop-with-bad-days, sad sack Harry Du Bois. It’s acknowledgement from the object of his devotion that he’s done good work and can do more, if he keeps putting in the work to get better.

The point is — I don’t think Harry can change how he loves people, I think its just inherent to who he is as a person, but devoting himself to the altar of Kim Kitsuragi might actually work, if only because Kim wants that worship and will hold Harry accountable for not letting it consume them both.

[vacantgodling]

#16. Lord Kiba Lathsbury

You are the heir to the throne, should you wish it or not. After your uncle’s death and your mother lost in childbirth, as the only thing your father had left he sent you away to protect you. You squirm under the weight of your uncle’s legacy and your father’s desperation, wishing only to hide and thrive with the friends you have made not noble in birth but noble in spirit. They would kill for you, and you them. Their dreams are your dreams. But you know the time is coming and you dread the day the kingdom will rest on your shoulders.

“kiba” is a derivative from the god of harvest, KIBARUM. “lathsbury”is a historical name, derived from the capital city of Lathsbury, and is one passed down through the royal family. it comes from the first guardian, Lath.

29, cis male (he/him), romance: YES. sex: VERY YES. preference: none, as long as he’s on top ;)

a tall man (about 6ft) with broad shoulders and an even broader smile. his hair is curly and auburn and reaches about his nape, and his eyes are a sparkling, warm brown like well watered soil. his beard is the same color of his hair, if not a little darker, and is well maintained and groomed. it is constantly noted that his features greatly resemble piper’s. 

MBA (melee bladed artisan — aka he can use magic, namely vis, and his weapon of choice is the broadsword) and the son of the current reigning duke. presumed to be the next heir of the throne, but this will not be formally decided until he turns 30 (as all lathsburian monarchs are chosen at 30 by an oracle of muinens. kiba is DREADING this day. is it possible for the oracle to choose someone else if it is the will of the goddess? absolutely. but there is a Very High probability for a number of reasons that he will be the next king). 

currently he is part of the aegean guild of explorers, shirking noble responsibilities and to give himself space from his father, stepmother and stepsister. he also prefers to spend time with his friends, whom he grew up with in the city of kingsburrow. why he lived there instead of the capital growing up is tl;dr, during the birth of his second sibling, his mother died and his sibling was kidnapped, never to be seen again. fearing for his safety, his father, the duke, had him hidden among the common folk until he reached of age, and thus he grew up in kingsburrow. this is where he met his current teammates and best friends: jagoda, moira, karenza, and eryn (who is also his main love interest). 

kiba is a charismatic, if laid back man. he doesn’t think himself to be a great leader, and actually prefers to do a lot of the “pulling people of varying strengths together” (which, consequently, actually makes him a good leader. he’s able to easily discern where people’s strengths are and how they can be best put to use) and values teamwork more than his own individual contributions. very much a “we did it” or the fred of his group LMAO. he loves friendly competition and is a kind listening ear, but can honestly be a bit passionate when it comes to expressing things he feels strongly about. straightforward to a fault, he can’t keep a secret for the life of him. he’s just kind of a guy you wanna be around. definitely himbo energy.

3 fun facts: he’s been in love with eryn since they were seven and asks her 5x a year, every year, if they’ll marry him. he’s totally not discouraged when they shoot him down, just vows to work harder to win their hand lol. he is BLINDSIDED the day they say yes pFF. he’s a bit color blind and as such karenza NEVER lets him near her potions—the number of times he’s almost made something that could kill someone is Way Too Many for her comfort. he also has no sense of direction, the rest of his friends keep him on a LEASH otherwise he will wander off and be lost forever. this however, miraculously recovers whenever they’re in a dangerous situation, as he’ll suddenly be able to track them like a bloodhound if he gets separated.

[visd3stele]

after seeing wonka 2023 i have thoughts to share:

first of all, i absolutely love how it completes the wonka lore we have so far. i was worried that it'd be a bad, made for profit, prequel. but i was so wrong for that!! the young wonka timothée portrays has all the innocence and slighty off the rocker deep into his own head side the original wonka does. except this one hasn't been hurt and betrayed yet. he's just starting to discover how cruel and bad the world is and still believes in that boyish fantasy of a good, happy world that shattered later on in life and broke him too.

second of all, i love its simplicity. the natural way in which it was filmed. the narrative didn't once made wonka or his inventions seem out of place, strange, something impossible. the whole world enjoyed it and were in awe, rather than shocked. to me that is to say the wonders are reachable for everyone, if we'd just believe enough. like how at the end, for example, wonka so easily says they need to "just change the world" and noodle and co. accepts it at face value. compared to "charlie and the chocolate factory" where the kids and parents who visit the factory are shocked to see all the inventions. the world outside is gray and sad and so centered on money, profit, production and toxic escapism they didn't expect all the colors, dreams, and genuineity that stood out of place in wonka's self-built daydream.

thrid of all, noodle and wonka's and later on, theirs and the rest of "the scrubbers" relationship is so cute. she's a cinic, made so by life, and he teaches her to hope and dream, while she teaches him to be more grounded. she's never once punished by the narrative for her sass, sarcasm or not blinfly believing wonka. she's, instead, understood. she doesn't change at the end into a happy, little, silly fairy. she heals. she grows. she's loved and appreciated. as for the rest, it's so great we get to see what happened to them in the end. they each got back to their lives, having gone through their own growth and healing process. also, one small conspiracy theory i have: what if charlie's grandpa from "charlie and the chocolate factory" is abacus, the accountant?

[spookberry]

thoughts on that Wednesday Addams show

-the writing is incredibly juvenile in a way only an adult man who is not actually nor ever has been an "outcast" could accomplish

-that being said all the actors were really amazing! Especially Jenna Ortega!!!

-One thing I liked but felt was more by accident than by design was the way that this school of "outcasts" were like, really normal?? Like theyre just teenagers who happen to not be human. Which makes the fact that Wednesday is a human who's Not Normal kind of compelling. Wish this was an intentional idea though, it could've been played with a whole lot more.... also i just kinda wish they'd picked a word other than "outcasts" to call them. like oh my god i could absolutely see some line during the climax where theres all this petty teen drama where someones like "i might not be human, but at least im not a Monster like you Wednesday" woulda been AWESOME

-Wednesday's love triangle was lame and if she had to get with a guy I'd've preferred Eugene. I love his sibling relationship with wednesday sooo much. One of my favorite dynamics. However if she HAD to get with a guy. Id pick him. He reminds me of Joel from Addams Family Values.

-the fact that two guys fell wildly in love with Wednesday without her doing absolutely anything and also very clearly not returning the sentiment whatsoever and instead just using them whenever she needs them was really funny and on brand, wished the show had been self aware about it

-I really wish the other female characters played bigger roles? Like Enid was Great and I loved the glimpses of her friendship with Wednesday and Thing and their HUG omg,,, I wish the romance plots had been axed in favor of giving Wednesday's friendships more time to shine.

-I also wish Enid and Wednesday had danced together at the Rave'N. Enid goes and dances with all her friends but she never goes over to have fun with Wednesday :( it just felt wrong like, narratively, we saw how excited Enid was about Wednesday going to the dance and then the camera seems to cut to show Enid get excited from watching Wednesday dance and then they dont even Talk?? I hated that.

-also, Bianca. I really loved the way she was basically friends with Wednesday by the end of the show. Wish the show had done a better job at the Enemies to Friendly Rivals to Friends dynamic. Bianca in general is a REALLY cool character that I want more time with.

-Both Enid and Bianca would've made better love interests than the guys imo

-I did like the mysteries, though I'm not sure how well it actually works with the Addams. Because they wound up adding this plot line, no spoilers, about Gomez being accused of murder and Morticia gets super touchy about it. But like?? theyre the ADDAMS why would they be behaving like this about a death???? Makes no sense to me. Needed to be reworked, cuz there definitely are Ways to have made it work imo.

-I really loved all of the costuming for Wednesday though the color correction done on the uniforms makes me kinda sad. i think it would've been fun if the school had been more vibrant and full of life to better contrast who Wednesday is and how she stands out.

-Wednesday's relationship with Morticia is really weird, but in general I get the feeling that certain people involved didn't actually know what Morticia's character was like... at all? And a lot of the problems with the family dynamics stems from this mischaracterization of Morticia in particular. I know some people didn't like Wednesday going through a rebellious phase, but I actually think that fit her character just fine, it's how her parents react to this rebellion that feels out of character to me.

-the fact that they had a romance arc about a werewolf who struggled to be a werewolf and an awkward gorgon..... Very Monster High 2022 to me ngl

-Wednesday is Autistic and you can't convince me otherwise. Everything from the way all of her social interactions are written to the way she literally diverts eye contact whenever theres a closeup shot while she talks to people. shes just like me fr.

overall i give it a 6 out of 10. I wouldn't go around recommending it to people, it's kinda bad, but I got some enjoyment out of it,, so not fully the worst.

But Also if you haven't seen it I WOULD recommend you go watch the fanmade Adult Wednesday Addams series on youtube. It's a classic!

[respectthepetty]

Reading the (Visual) Rainbow 101

Lesson 7 - It Could All Mean Nothing

Because I get so many asks about colors, I decided the best way to celebrate Pride is to educate anyone who is interested in how to better Read the (Visual) Rainbow and simultaneously allow myself to appreciate queer media.

We've ventured through six lessons on how to read visuals in order to understand a piece of media's overall message. We journeyed through colors, barriers, symbolism, and cultural significance, but what if the image is just an image? What if it doesn't have a deeper meaning? What if it means absolutely nothing?¹

¹ It doesn't. An image always tells us something.

Those Darn Blue Curtains

If you've been around the internet in the past decade, you might have heard about some blue curtains.

The joke about the blue curtains demonstrates that sometimes the creator does not intend for an image or an object to be meaningful. Sometimes the curtains are just curtains that happen to be blue.

But that doesn't mean they're meaningless.

Literary Criticism

Literary theories are ways in which we can approach and examine a piece of text. Several literary theories exist. One theory tells us to only look at the work regardless of who wrote it or who the intended audience is (Practical). Another theory demands that we include the culture in our examination of the text (Cultural). And another theory requests we solely look at the formal elements of the text (Formalism) while another theory requires we include ourselves and our perspectives in the analysis (Reader-Response). Many more literary theories exist, and all have also been applied to media. Visual media is different than written text, so these theories have shifted into Critical Media Studies, but much like Literary Criticism, it helps viewers examine and analyze media using different theories.

Critical Media Studies

If we were watching a series that featured blue curtains, depending on which theory we use, we could interpret the message differently.

If the blue curtains don't mean the character is sad (Psychoanalytic Criticism), are the blue curtains making a statement about masculinity (Feminist Criticism or Queer Theory)? Are they being filmed up-close or off-centered to reflect the character's situation (New Criticism)? Or do the blue curtains quickly remind us this isn't a Dutch house (Cultural) because most Dutch houses don't have curtains?

Now, you might be thinking that if the blue curtains could mean any of those ideas, then nothing really matters, but we have to remember that we aren't placing value on these items because their purpose isn't TO BE the story but to merely reinforce it.

Since the blue curtains are there to support the narrative, we have to evaluate if they matter WITHIN THAT SPECIFIC NARRATIVE. Have the curtains usually been open and now they are closed? Did a character spend an unnecessary amount of time talking about them or use them for an odd purpose? Has the color blue been significant to the narrative before we saw these curtains?

If so, it matters to that narrative.

Video Examples

If you watched the two suggested videos from the previous lesson, the first video is Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande's "Rain on Me" and the second is a parody from Japanese comedians Naomi Watanabe and Yuriyan Retriever which means it has comedic elements. Although the parody is well done, we can see the comedy aspect in several scenes such as the singer being showered with dango (sweet rice dumplings) instead of daggers like Lady Gaga was in the original.

The original song is about overcoming tragedy and being grateful to emerge from such an ordeal even though the damage is apparent, something both Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande had to do in very public ways. The original video reinforces the song's meaning by showing Lady Gaga standing up with a dagger in her thigh (the obvious injury) and proceeding to dance in the rain which is symbolic of grief and absolution.

We can analyze the use of feminine colors (pink and purple). We can consider the post-apocalyptic setting. We can analyze the clothing with all of its chains and spikes. We can ponder why at the end, Lady Gaga styles her hair like Ariana Grande's while Ariana Granda leaves behind her signature high ponytail to wear Lady Gaga's hairstyle. We can wonder why the women are in opposite 'worlds' for most of the video, only to merge at the end.

And we can compare the parody to it and see it does an incredible job of parroting these elements. Then, we notice that unlike the original, the comedians don't fully come together because there is a barrier between them.

We must remember that this is a parody, so not every component, if any, is serious. But for the parody to include all the other important pieces mentioned above, why would it exclude the two women's worlds merging when it was very important in the original?

We could reach for a deeper meaning that maybe the parody is commenting on how the two women are still divided by society. We see there are more masks in the parody as well, so perhaps it's making a statement about women's voices being silenced because we notice the masks in the original as well.

But then we have to remember some of the lessons we have learned: lesson one taught us to think about the creator and the context, while lesson six told us to think about the culture and the context.

These videos were filmed in 2020 at the beginning of the pandemic. Precautions such as masks had to be worn to limit the spread of the virus, and different countries had different regulations. Therefore, in the Japanese parody, where both the leads are without masks, a barrier had to be placed between them.

The barrier and the masks aren't pointless though. They tell us about the time period and the circumstances in which the videos were made, but they don't have any effect on the videos' narrative. So although they are meaningless to the plot, they aren't meaningless to our understanding of what we are seeing and why.

So What's Your Point?

Don't look for meaning that isn't there, but don't assume meaning isn't there because you don't want to look for it. When we look for evidence that only confirms what we already believe or find new evidence and interpret it in such a way to support our already existing beliefs, this is considered confirmation bias. We want to avoid being biased, but we also want to avoid being dismissive.

Sometimes, all it takes is a few words into a search engine, and we can find the information we seek directly from the artists themselves. Depending on the medium, maybe the artist spoke about the symbolism during an interview. Possibly the director or cinematographer mentioned a detail during some behind-the-scene footage. Or by chance, someone was brave enough to ask the creators on their social media platforms or during a Q & A session.

For example, if Ayan's hip and thigh tattoos in The Eclipse drove you so crazy that you begged your mutuals to help you figure out what they were only to find a video of the actor stating they are his actual tattoos, you might be upset to learn what the tattoos say had no bearing on the plot BUT you will also learn that the director wanted an actor with tattoos because it visually showed the bad boy persona the character had which is important to the plot.

Nothing is truly pointless, but you don't have to make everything the focal point. Once again, the visuals strengthen the narrative's message; they shouldn't distract from it.

Activity

Using your knowledge from the previous lessons, watch Lil Nas X's "Industry Baby" music video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTHLKHL_whs

Think about how the colors, visuals, barriers, group outfits, and cultural elements support the video's overall message.

We will briefly review it in the final lesson on Friday.

[yuliyaana]

— THE ANIMATION AND ARTSTYLE USED FOR THE VISUALS

The amazing use of both 2D and 3D elements mixes perfectly with the animation and the art style and it really reminds me of the animation of Into the Spider-Verse. Everything’s an eye candy and wallpaper-worthy. The vibrant colors and the lighting?? The visuals and the background art, they're just so GORGEOUS! Like you can see those little paint brush strokes on some parts of the film. You know the movie’s gonna be good when they apply this kind of style. This movie is an absolute masterpiece. *chef’s kiss*

— THE WORLD BUILDING

OKAAAAY I WILL NEVER GET OVER WITH THE WORLD BUILDING ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY WENT TO THE DARK FOREST— it’s just so hilarious when Puss and Kitty got depressing and dangerous path/terrains while Perrito got the easiest path because he’s a carefree and cheerful pure-hearted therapy dog who sees the positivity in life (despite his sad “funny story” like he said) and it really shows that whoever possesses the Star Map judges the character of those who holds it.

— CHARACTER DESIGN

Can we talk about Goldilocks’ character design? I really, really love how they designed her— like every details of her design reflects the way she got raised by her bear family. You see those mismatched earrings? They resemble Mama Bears different earrings. Her necklaces? Baby Bear also got a chain necklace. And the faint scar she got on her left eyebrow later on? Now it resembles Papa Bear’s scar on his left eye. Okay I love this her golden blonde hair so much. It really fits her name ESPECIALLY her two huge buns resemble like bear ears! Her outfit got dirtied in the dark forest making it look brown, like her family's brown fur plus she got those little fangs omg. She's so cute but she can also kill you. TvT

Jack Horner, okay this chaotic huge man got pink hair and chubby cheeks. He’s got the perks alright? Hear me out, his pink tie resembles an icing piping cream pastry and he got those small printed pies on his purple vest. He BIG.

And finally, this big bad lobo himself and his name is DEATH, like literally. He’s the Grim Reaper of Shrek Universe. His design freaking SLAPS! Oh man, this brooding wolf deadass got the hardest drip for me ngl. The black poncho fits him perfectly for a grim reaper like him. The fact that his eyes always stand out making him look even more intimidating and menacing. We all know that the universal look of Grim Reaper is a skeleton in a long black cloak with his scythe while DreamWorks made Death as a wolf with his signature dual-sickles (likely as a reference for Grim Reaper’s Scythe), for me it’s an interesting detail because his main target was Puss in Boots coming to punish him for recklessly wasting away his past eight lives mainly because he’s a cat, and wolves are known for being a natural predator. Not to mention, he was always there whenever Puss dies. He was so patient enough to finally get to his prey. Another interesting detail of him is the dark part of his fur in his face, donning a skull-like shape because he’s literally the Grim Reaper. Overall, he’s 12/10 for me and my most favorite antagonist so far.

— THE LESSONS BEHIND PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH

Sometimes whenever we wish for something that we want, we didn’t realize that thing we were wishing for was already there all along.

Puss himself already learnt his lesson to value his remaining ninth life at the end of the movie because every ounce of moment in our lives are precious and we need to appreciate them fully. We will never know when our time comes. As Perrito said to Puss, having one life in enough.

Sacrificing your personal needs to save someone you truly love and care about. Like how Goldilocks ditched the Wishing Map when she was one way of granting her wish and instead, she helped saving Baby from disappearing to the Star Wall.

...and they lived happily ever after.

[hes-a-plant]

Make Filet Crochet Patterns!!!

I found this website called flosscross.com which is super awesome for making filet crochet and cross-stitch patterns from images.

Here's an explanation of how to use it for filet crochet:

Find the image that you want to use. It's important that your elements aren't too small, especially for filet crochet, as it's going to be pixelized. Also, keep in mind that your image will be simplified to only two "colours" - boxes that are filled in, and ones that aren't. If you have a more complex colour image, it might be a good idea to make it black and white ahead of time, so that you can have better control over what it looks like, and edit contrast. To do this, use Photoshop and "posterize" - this makes it so that there are only two colours in your image, black and white.

Go to flosscross.com. I would heavily recommend doing this on a computer, it works a lot smoother.

Import your image. It will prompt you to crop your image, you can also edit this later.

Select chart size. This is where it gets tricky. If you know how big you want your finished product to be, good for you. If you want it to be approximately a certain size, crochet a swatch to determine how big each stitch is and do some math to see how many stitches you would need. If you have absolutely no clue what size you want, and just want a pretty final product, pick an arbitrary size that looks kind of okay and bear with me.

Select your palette. If you were doing cross-stitch, this would decide which colours would be closest to the ones in your image. But, with filet crochet, there are only two colours. See the box where you can type in "Max Colours Count"? Do not erase what is in the box and type two. The website will crash. Instead, make sure that there is always a value in that box. Mine reads 30 to start with, so I will delete the 0, and replace it with a 2 so it reads 32, then use my arrow keys to go in and delete the 3 in front. Your pattern might show red and white, or blue and white instead of black and white, this is ok. It depends what colour is the most dominant in your picture. You can change this later.

Brightness and Chart Size. If you haven't picked a chart size yet, this is when you will do it. You're going to go between the chart size tab and this one, changing the chart size and the brightness. You want to find a balance between image resolution and project size. Changing brightness will make the lines heavier or lighter, and can help all elements of the image be seen. This will take a bit.

Reduce Colours. You don't really need to do anything here. Do not make your white transparent. You won't be able to count your number of stitches when reading the pattern.

Editing. Here, you can get rid of any pixels that are out of place. Make any final edits to chart size under Edit>Change Chart Size. Select the symbol that you want to represent your colours with, I'd recommend going with the white square for your white (or "empty") stitches. You can change your symbols by clicking on the little box or square under the colour that is selected.

9. Make sure the symbols look okay. Click on the box with an x in it on the top menu, and view symbols. Make sure they are legible.

10. Export your finished pattern! I like doing mine as a PDF, as it's the easiest. At this point, if you have a weird colour instead of black, you can un-check the Colored Pattern box under pattern setup.

Here are some screenshots of the pattern that I made.

Here's the first page.

Here's the second page, the actual pattern. When I print this out to use, I plan to highlight the squares as I do them.

Enjoy! Let me know if you have any questions! :D

[eddiegirls]

okay cool hi lol let's be haters together <3

so my post earlier was abt 3x01 and specifically the pregnant woman gets attacked and has her baby stolen from her body call. it annoyed me on my first watch and then REALLY annoyed me on my second bc that is such a racialized form of violence mostly perpetuated by white women (or a couple) against black and/or indigenous women.

important context i am indigenous and 2s (usamerican specifically mohawk) which is why i feel like maybe i'm overreacting a bit but also fuck that lmao

and we know that sometimes the calls on 911 are inspired by real events right (the milky way call and also maddie telling that dv caller to pretend to order pizza come to mind)? and considering it is such a visceral crime i can't help but assume that they were inspired by one of the real life women that it's happened to. or any number of them. and they're mostly indigenous or black or other women of color!!

and like there's a reason bipoc are targeted for those types of crimes! so to tell a story like that and choose to victimize a white woman... idk leaves a bad taste in my mouth

and this is kinda an ongoing thing in 911 where they either completely avoid racial stuff while still using those stories or make the most milquetoast liberal statement that boils down to "racism bad". the whole michael and may and harry getting stopped and almost being brutalized thing comes to mind!

I know I shouldn't have high expectations for a copaganda show and I wouldn't even want them to touch the topic of racialized violence against bipoc bc they will fuck it up but also. I'm pissed bc violence against native women is PERVASIVE and also never fucking acknowledged by society at large.

Idk I'm salty about it and no one probably even noticed bc it's a small moment overall and maybe I'm being sensitive but also I feel like I deserve to be sensitive about this kind of thing. all I could think of while watching were those indigenous women who probably inspired that call and it sucks

anyway thoughts? LMAO

second part:

oh also to add on to the essay i dropped in your inbox yesterday i don't think the writers were in any way being malicious or bad writers or anything like that. they didn't anything wrong per se, it just made me uncomfortable to watch bc of my perspective as an ndn so i'm being a hater abt it to feel better lol obviously i still love the show

thank you so much for these thoughts!! i've never considered this but i think it makes total sense. you're 100% right that they base calls on real life stories, like a LOT of the calls. (random but i think it's cute that in the blackout episode, the call maddie takes from someone seeing the milky way in the sky is based on real calls from the LA blackouts in the 90s)

i actually just went and rewatched the scenes from 3x01 with the kidnapped mother & stolen baby. you are absolutely not wrong to be frustrated/uncomfortable w this portrayal. they really did it in the most viscerally disturbing way too, with the kidnapper literally removing the baby from the mother herself...definitely trying to play up the sensation in a situation where they could have addressed a deeper issue. instead they just did like "haha this crazy lady is so mentally ill and insane! let's use it as an opportunity for everyone to reflect!" (which, side note - this show does not handle certain mental health issues well either, despite being all pro-therapy for the characters when they're going through stuff....). and then they just used it as a way for chim & maddie to reflect on their own want for kids (and set up the possibility of maddie getting pregnant). the story did not need to be set up that way. like it was all for shock value...but marginalized/vulnerable people's babies being stolen is a real thing that happens (both by individuals and by the state/CPS/etc).

a better way for them to address this would be like, they have a sinister CPS worker who goes rogue and uses their power to take kids away from parents when it's not needed - this would be more interesting/hard-hitting IMO bc it puts the focus more on state-sponsored violence instead of individual harm committed by 1 person, but we do still have one person who is the villain (probably a "sweet" middle-aged white lady).

that said i also completely agree that they would...not do a good job if they tried to address racialized violence against Indigenous women. i feel like we would get one offhand comment about MMIW and maybe like a 10-second black screen at the end with a hotline you can call or something. i'm just thinking about how horrifically anti-Black the Mara/abused dog comparison storyline was...the writers on this show need to be punished tbfh

and also, i totally get you - the writers aren't being malicious, but they CLEEEEEEEAAARLY have blind spots and it shows.

[gatheringbones]

hi bones! for life/education/employment reasons I will probably be moving to seattle in a year or so. if you have the spoons and inclination, i'd welcome any advice for someone who wants to do right by hir new community/city but also wants to take care of hirself. (and/or just advice for moving to seattle in general!) i'm a neurodivergent, white, mentally ill butch lesbian, if that affects the advice any. thanks for all the incredible book excerpts and writing thoughts you post!

there’s a breakfast place in Fremont called Roxie’s that does latkes instead of english muffins in their benedicts and where you can get an amazing reuben.

there’s also a Cuban sandwich joint called Paseo’s up the hill where you can get an extremely messy and life changing sandwich. god willing there’s still a Mexican sushi place in Wallingford right down the block from Changes the gay bar.

carry change with you and give it to anyone who asks and remember their face, remember where you saw them, place them on a mental map in a way that reinforces their worth as a full and complete human being. if you don’t have change you apologize with intention. you will have some next time. never offer to substitute food for change; this is a terrible insult.

there’s a queer library at a queer community center called Gay City in Capitol Hill where you can sit and read and check out books and access other community services like therapy and social support.

pay attention to the caste system at work wherever you go in seattle. It’s ever-present and exerts constant psychic force on everyone inside city limits. the people who the city refuses to house or treat flock there because seattle technically offers many services for help and healing, but these services have been allowed to exist in a state of complete overwhelm for decades by city officials who support and value the caste system. the mad the sick and the unhoused are meant to float through third and pine and westlake and the waterfront for the Real people to practice dissociating from. this perpetual dissociation colors the whole city. everyone is complicit. everyone swears not to know what they know and see what they see. everyone receives patient conditioning to sort and categorize the shapes they see moving through the city of seattle as human or inhuman and resisting this conditioning will require all of your attention and insight. you will be asked at every second to betray yourself.

read the archives of the view from Nathan’s bus

read about the Duwamish. go down and buy something from the woodcarvers by the ferris wheel. know that the canoes and masks and religious items inside the restaurant next door were hand carved by a white conservative guy who bought a bunch of books on coastal Salish art and copied as best he could.

there is queer community. the lesbian book club that changed the trajectory of my life isn’t the only one. if you have it in you to look for opportunities and spaces to be around the bodies you need to survive, you will find them.

do not wear headphones while out and about unless absolutely necessary. you need to be able to be spoken to.

go watch the sunset at fremont peak park and if you feel absolutely overwhelmed and alien in the world know that a twenty two to twenty eight year old version of me is sitting somewhere behind you and to your left. look out for a blonde cat and the dinosaur village.

don’t call the cops.

[mwolf0epsilon]

The Umbaran Pathogen - Day 4: Betrayal

Summary: After Fives, Jesse and a severely injured Hardcase end up in the brig for using the pilfered Umbaran support ships in battle, Sponge finally loses patience with Rex for submitting so easily to Krell's intimidation. Furious and with no one else to take it out on, they try their best to push Rex into proving he's not a traitor by inaction.

Warning: Explicit language (lets just say Sponge resorts to some VERY colorful language when they're mad).

Prev / Next

[In which the events on Umbara are worsened by an unknown pathogen taking hold of both the 501st and 212th. These series of drabbles will follow a non-linear timeline based on the AI-less Whumptober prompt list for 2023.]

THIS STORY IS ALSO ON AO3

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Primum non nocere. The oath of all medics. The golden rule. A promise to (in accordance to their better judgement) prescribe only beneficial treatments. To refrain from causing harm or hurt to their patients. To live an exemplary personal and professional life. The pledge that rang in Sponge's mind as a warning, whenever they stared at the back of General Krell's thick-skulled head for too long...

All personal opinions aside, they readily admitted that they were not the easiest of clones to get along with. Knew very well that their temperament was often quite difficult to deal with, in comparison to literally any other member of the 501st. But (cantankerous disposition or not), no matter how much they griped about it, they were ultimately not the sort to actually refuse anyone medical treatment if they needed it.

No matter how absurdly aggravating the means of acquiring the injury might have been...

So to be forced to retreat when still-living vode lay there injured, reaching out to in a desperate plea for help? To be ordered to turn their back on those who needed them so greatly at that moment, rendered helpless to merely watch as their siblings were snuffed out by callous indifference?

It filled them with something that they didn't feel very often. Actual seething rage. Absolute hatred for another life. All directed at the brutish Besalisk that marched onward with an air of arrogance, and blatant disgust towards the dead and dying clones he was currently commanding towards imminent doom.

Could the bastard even have a claim to the title of Jedi, when he so clearly did not see value in life? When his actions were so very unlike the serene kindness he'd seen in both General Kenobi and Commander Tano, and that he sometimes glimpsed within General Skywalker as well?

Yes, even the 501st's own Jedi General (pigheaded as he might be) was more akin to what Sponge learned the Order valued in a person than Krell demonstrated. A little unorthodox, perhaps, but not outwardly malicious in any way shape or form. Perhaps just ignorant in his absolute obliviousness to the limitations of others who did not have the Force at their beck and call.

And yes, the situation was truly grim if they were capable of singing karking Skywalker's praise on anything...

"We've lost too many brothers already..." They hissed out between gritted teeth, trying to keep their fury contained as best they could to no avail. There was no keeping their composure, not after everything they'd gone through already. "More than half of who remain are sick with some mystery illness, and patient zero is currently MIA..."

Rex watched them with those infinitely sad eyes of his. Barely able to hide the toll that all of these losses was taking on him. It only served to make Sponge's blood boil hotter. Molten lead coursing through their veins.

They didn't want this pitiful sight before them, this whimpering shell of a man that hunched in on himself all dignity forgotten. They wanted. No, they needed the proud Captain of the 501st to get mad and actually take charge of the situation. To make the right choice instead of retreating with his tail between his legs whenever Krell intimidated him. All of this was beyond unacceptable at this point...

"Kix is coming undone from all the stress, and you're making him do something that goes against his very nature! Pitch and Twitch are barely on their feet from pure exhaustion, trying to save as many of the sick and dying that we have pilling up in this base's medbay! Coric has been running around making sure everyone is accounted for while on a limp for days now!" They snarled, teeth bared at their superior officer in a clear challenge. "Krell is sending us on suicide missions, and ignoring what viable options we have for a swifter less costly success! He's is KILLING us, and your response is to roll over and show him your belly like a dog?!"

"I have tried time and time again to reason with the General..." Rex finally responded, eyes remaining glued to the base's floor. Unable to meet their gaze and face the consequences of his neglect. "He won't listen to reason... Sponge, I've begged him! Begged him to spare their lives"

"Have you now? And what did he say about that Captain...?" Starting to lose patience, they began to hit where it hurt. Hoping for anything but this disgustingly submissive behavior of his. They wanted Rex's fighting spark to flare up, not to bare witness to CT-7567's good obedience track record. "What a good bitch you are?"

"Sponge, you're out of line..." Coric warned, placing a hand on their shoulder which they shrugged off immediately. They didn't care if they were out line. They didn't care if this got them a court-martial. What they wanted was for this gods damned nightmare to end so that their vode could be rescued off this shadowy shithole and get some proper medical treatment. If that meant being nasty towards the Captain to provoke him into taking drastic actions? So be it!

"What else did you do Captain? Get on your knees for him? Suck his big fat Besalisk cock like the little bitch you are?!" They shoved at the blond clone, hard. Becoming even more infuriated by the fact he wouldn't meet their gaze or fight back. How he accepted what they were saying without contest. "Did he promise you a big promotion for tossing Fives, Hardcase and Jesse into the brig? Are you getting off on Hardcase suffering in that cell without medical treatment because your ego got bruised?! Must be so much easier to set up a firing squad when you don't have to account for the third target or pull the trigger, uh?!"

"Sponge! Stop it vod'ika!" Coric tried to pull them back, but they fought against his grip. The pauldron he'd grabbed slipping lose enough that it allowed them to get right up into the Captain's personal space

"Admit it, you're nothing but a sniveling coward who'd rather save his own skin than do the right thing by his vode!" Sponge shoved Rex again, this time sending him crashing to the ground with a loud clatter of plastoid on duracrete. "You cock-sucking aruetii! Go to hell you hut'uun! You're just as bad as that demagolka, if not worse!"

"SPONGE! STOP!" Coric's grip at last held, or rather, Sponge's back-plate remained firmly on. Offering the older medic a sturdy hand-hold which they used to pull them away from Rex. And, as good as it felt to yell and to push at the distraught Captain, they let themselves be pulled back by their ori'vod.

Because ultimately, throwing a tantrum wasn't going to fix things. It certainly didn't seem to rouse Rex out of whatever stupor he was in... They were just so very tired... And worried sick too.

Whatever was infecting the troopers was spreading fast and causing them a lot of grief on top of the per-existing threat that the enemy already posed. This mystery sickness making the men despondent and unfocused. Getting them killed faster and faster because they seemed so out of it and unable to perceive the constant danger they were in.

Sponge was sure that if they didn't wrap things up soon, that there would be none of the 501st left to return to Coruscant. Thad they'd all be completely wiped out before the troopers that had remained on the Venators took notice.

Bitterly, they wondered what General Skywalker would think of that...

Would he blame the Chancellor for calling him away on such a dire time for something that could only be trivial at best? Leaving behind a substitute General that hadn't made an effort to preserve someone else's battalion?

Would he blame Rex for shutting down upon being faced with a Jedi who, in true natborn fashion, regarded them as simple tools to be used and discarded once they were too broken to function? That didn't think they were people?

Would he blame himself for not being there for them when they needed him most? That he'd chosen to heed the Chancellor's call instead of trusting his instinct to stay and help take Umbara?

Would he mourn their losses before getting a shiny new battalion to lead towards new kinds of inglorious death? Would they be just a footnote in whatever tragedy tale the Media decided to tell and then be forgotten in favour of a freshly deployed and bright-eyed legion?

Sponge did not know the answer to any of those questions. All they knew was that this entire campaign felt like a never-ending nightmare. One that, if Rex didn't get his shit straight, Jesse, Hardcase and Fives most definitely wouldn't wake up from. There had to be something they could do for them. Otherwise what were they doing besides betraying the brothers they had vowed to protect? Betraying the oath all medics took? The one that still rang in their mind as they let Coric drag them away to cool down?

"We can't just follow orders blindly..."

"I know vod'ika..." Coric whispered while still keeping a firm grip on them. "And you know Rex knows it too."

"Could have fooled me..." They bitterly huffed, glancing back to see the Captain still sitting where he'd been left. Head bowed in both shame and resignation. "Krell's got a tight hold on him..."

"For now, yes. He's trying to mediate... But there's no mediating that shabuir..." Coric sighed. "Give him time to think... I think we could all need a breather. We have 30 minutes until we're expected to..."

"To show up with the body bags?" Sponge offered.

"Lets just... Lets just check up on Twitch and the sickly vode, and then we'll see how it goes." Coric shook his head, continuing to pull them along. "I know it's hard, but please have faith vod'ika. Hope should be the last thing to die..."

Have faith... Tsh. Somehow Sponge doubted that would help them. If anything, they'd need a miracle to survive this. Hopefully Twitch had better news for them than the inevitability of their demise. The kih'vod had been studying the strange symptoms their patients had turned up with, surely he must have discovered something new?