#also new furniture (from the cats tail) !!

[enden-k]

btw i just noticed that we got a new feature that allows us to quickswap gadgets now (which is super neat ig)

(doesnt work for all)

[trashogram]

He Chose You (Pt.1)

Lucifer/Reader

Hazbin Hotel AU where Lilith never existed, Lucifer has been lonely for over a millennia and Charlie will be born one way or another. Rated E for explicit sexual content of the raunchiest variety in later chapters and also weird old people.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 13.5 | Part 14 | End

There was a knock at your door. It sounded like someone rapping their knuckles against the wood whimsically, as if following the beat of a song you couldn’t hear.

The methodical folding of your clothes into garage sale-quality drawers came to a halt. You looked over your shoulder, shifting on your feet hesitantly.

It had been little over a week since you moved into the grand old Donner apartment. Apart from a quick tow-in of shoddy furniture from your hired movers, no one had come calling. 

You definitely weren’t expecting anyone either, not in a brand new city you’d spontaneously decided to live in.

After another moment of uncertainty, you pivoted to the door and inched it open to a slit you could peek through. “Hello?”

Your brow furrowed as you stared at the empty space ahead of you. Pulling the door open fully, you peered down one end of the hallway to the other. 

Nothing but cracked and crumbling crown moldings on wainscoting, a matted-looking saxony carpet, the same musty, stale air…

‘Quack’

You nearly jumped out of your skin, head snapping down to see a real, live duck standing just outside your doorframe. 

“Oh!”

     You immediately squatted down to marvel at the animal. It gazed back up at you with beady red eyes and a curious gait. 

“Hey little guy,” You cooed, smiling despite the incongruous image of a waterfowl in your building.

You raised a hand and reached out slowly, instinctive desire to pet the cute little creature warring with a minuscule yet no less embarrassing fear. 

Were ducks typically friendly? You knew so little, ornithology not being your thing. 

“Will you let me pet you?” Your fingers hovered over the surprisingly patient animal before it decided to nudge itself under your palm.

The duck shivered with delight at your touch, all-white feathers ruffling excitedly and tail wagging, looking akin to a very happy dog. 

“Oh my god.” You gasped, heart melting. “You’re so cute!”

Soft feathers brushed against your bent knees as the duck drew close enough to rub its body against you. It had gone from doggish to cat-like effortlessly, and you couldn’t help giggling over how silly it looked.

“Where did you come from?” You asked after a bit of cuddling, glancing from side to side once again. The hallway remained empty, no one running to fetch what you assumed was a beloved pet. 

     ‘That’s… weird.’ You thought. ‘So, who knocked on my door?’ 

It was tempting to ask the bird that was currently bouncing on its webbed feet. You couldn’t help but snort with laughter before positioning yourself so that you were sitting. In an instant, the duck made to climb into your lap, allowing you to carefully lift it onto your legs when it couldn’t reach. 

“You’re so silly!” Grinning, you continued to stroke its head. “Your owner is probably worried sick about their silly little guy.” 

‘Quack’ 

The duck burrowed its head against your stomach as it settled on your lap, and you sighed. “I’d love to keep you, but I don’t know how to take care of you, sweetie.” 

Little red eyes bore into you from below, seemingly wide and beseeching. It was too precious, and too perfect (to the point where you idly wondered if someone was somehow scouting a way to scam you via adorable duck shenanigans).

Aside from the guttural, sad ‘wek’ you got in reply, a slow creak of hinges drew your attention back up. The door across from you had visibly opened the barest amount. You squinted, just able to make out frizzy red hair and a red-rimmed, down-turned mouth in the dim lighting. 

“Oh hey, hi!” You stopped yourself from standing, instead of bracing the bundle in your lap close. “Is this your duck?”

A tingle went up your spine as the door opened fully and an old woman appeared. She was dressed in green capri pants and a ruffled tan blouse, hair red as an open flame and barely kept in-check by a cheetah-print scarf. The makeup she wore was caked on, harsh red lipstick smeared around her thin lips and black kohl-rimmed eyes popping out of her wrinkled face. 

The sour, almost suspicious look on her face softened but did not completely go away, even when she smiled.

“Oh Lou!” She cried, making you jump. “You didn’t get very far, did you? I almost didn’t notice you were gone, you little scoundrel!”

“Well, thank goodness for that I guess. He’s got those little legs, ya see,” She nodded down at your lap, “but he’s so darn fast anyway, might as well be a midget racehorse!”

You chuckled and smiled politely. That persistent tingling at your back had you holding back a shiver, and the skin on your arms prickled and rose. 

“I didn’t know we could have pet ducks in this building.” Your words belied a confidence, as well as interest in having a conversation with this woman, that you didn’t truly have. 

As a matter of fact, despite the inner scolding you gave yourself for being judgmental, you were quite off-put in the woman’s presence. The want to return to your apartment and shut the door in her overly-painted face was rising like a lump in your throat. 

“He seems to really like you, that’s so sweet. He’s not usually this friendly with anyone but my hubby. That’s Mr. Farrow, honey, have you met him?” The woman - presumably Mrs, Farrow, leaned down just a few feet away. 

She still looked to be examining you and your avian companion, the bland pleasantness oozing yet unable to suffocate the shrewd glint in her dark eyes. 

“Oh, uh, no. I’m afraid I haven’t -” You started. 

“Oh, that’s alright! That’s fine! Matter of fact, he’d get an earful from me if he was talkin’ to a pretty thing like you without me knowin’!” Mrs. Farrow laughed. “Just kiddin’, honey. You’re new to the building though, aren’t you? Well, welcome! It’s nice to see a new face here! ‘Specially a young one!” 

“Thank —”

“Maybe that’s why Lou is so taken with you! Animals just thrive off energy and sunshine and all that. Not slow, almost dead things. I’m sure you’re birds of a feather that way.” 

Again, your soft laughter is polite, teetering on nervousness. 

You took a moment to rise, humming apologetically when Lou squawked as he was jostled. On your feet, you instinctively stepped back. One foot over the threshold and solid in your apartment. 

“He is really sweet.” You said, holding the animal out as carefully as you could. “I’m glad he didn’t get lost.”

Mrs. Farrow stared, arms falling to her sides. She didn’t attempt to take the bird from you for a long, long moment. 

Confusion and disbelief clouded your mind as you stood, waiting, watching as Mrs. Farrow’s throat bobbed when she swallowed forcefully. 

What? Was she afraid of the duck?

In a split-second, she returned to smiling animatedly and waved a geriatric hand in the air so flippantly that the uncomfortable moment ceased to exist. 

“Oh honey, you can put him down if you want. He’ll come back over now that our door’s open.” Mrs. Farrow laughed. “Lou’s not my biggest fan. He’s such a prideful thing, you know. Just like Mr. Farrow - it’s probably why they get along so well!”

You blinked, then slowly bent at the waist to let Lou down. The duck made another disdainful quack, red eyes looking at you morosely. 

It’s little legs eventually rowed through the air in an effort to gain footing. You lightly placed him over the carpet and let go, allowing Lou to jump down. 

The duck began waddling away, though it appeared to hang its head as it did so. Occasionally, he turned to look at you, somber and sullen as if bidding farewell before walking on death row. 

“Aww, poor little thing.” Mrs. Farrow drawled. At your side. “Looks like my Lou is sweet on you! Poor guy, I can see why! Again, a lovely young thing like you is probably a gift from above in this stuffy old place.” 

“Say, how long have you been here?” 

You turned to the old woman. “About a week, I’m still getting settled.”

Mrs. Farrow nodded vigorously, eyes bright but mouth pursed. “A week, a week?! A week and no one’s introduced themselves to you?”

“Holy Toledo, you must think we’re all a bunch a’ snobs in here! That’s no good. Oh! Why don’t you come over for dinner sometime and me and my mister can show you some proper hospitality?” 

“Oh, that's really nice of you —” 

“Sure! Sure! It’ll be great, how ‘bout tomorrow night? It’d give us some time to get prepared, have things cleaned and settled. Do you like steak? That’d be perfect, actually. I’ve got some in the freezer just waitin’ to be defrosted.”

“Um, well — That’s a little short notice…”

“I’m sure Mr. Farrow won’t mind. He’ll be glad for the company, and if he isn’t, well he will be when I’m done with him.” She chortled. “Just another joke, honey. He’s always dyin’ to talk to someone that isn’t me. It’d be a real treat to him. Treat ta me too! What do you say?”

Your mouth opened and closed as a light sheen of sweat broke over the nape of your neck. Mrs. Farrow’s sharp eyes were wider, attempting to beguile you while your head was still spinning. 

“I-I guess, maybe —” You stammered.

“Wonderful!” The eccentric woman’s eyes lit up like fireworks, cigarette-smoker’s voice becoming truly raucous in her delight. “I’ll go ahead and get started. You go get back to what it was you were doing before Lou and I interrupted you! And don’t worry about a thing! We might be old timers, but a good meal and good cheer never go out of style.” 

Mrs. Farrow laughed, pretending to shoo you away until you were back inside your apartment and she was pulling your door to a close for you. 

“Have a good night, honey! We’ll see you tomorrow! 6 o’clock, don’t be late!”

Before you knew it, you were staring at the back of your own door again. 

‘What the fuck just happened?’

[selineram3421]

*new version of Alastor takes over the Internet* Hehe.

Cursed Cat Headcanons

Curse Cat Alastor & Human Reader

Warnings ⚠

⚠ mentions of death, "normal" cat stuff ⚠

You find a strange looking cat at the shelter.

The red creature was separated from the other cats and behind a heavy duty glass with multiple scratch marks.

"Can I interact with this one?", you asked.

"I don't think we are allowed to let that one out...", the worker says. "We're not even sure if its a cat."

You were also not sure as the little creature had antlers.

"Might have been dead this morning.", they mumbled but you caught it.

"Uh...ok.", you say, feeling a little put off how calmly the employee said that. "I'll take them."

And that's how you got a cat.

Once having the necessary items and a cat tower order placed, you bring the red cat home.

It sounds a bit angry. Growling, hissing, scratching and biting the inside of the cat carrier.

Maybe they didn't like small spaces..

Their first day was...something.

You ended up having to fix or toss out a lot of furniture.

They seemed to like sitting on top of your bookshelf. Often watching as you cleaned around the room or when you slept.

Kinda creepy. And you swore you saw their eyes glow once.

But other than the strange shadows and weird noises, you didn't have problems. In fact, they took care of the spiders and other pesky bugs that managed to get into your home.

Eventually, you tried to call them by names from a list that you made but they mostly ignored you whenever you tried.

It wasn't until you were watching Hazbin Hotel that the red cat perked up.

"I'm Alastor!", your favorite character introduced himself.

The red creature then hopped onto your coffee table and stared at you, effectively grabbing your attention.

"What is it?", you asked before noticing your T.V. glitch and loop.

"I'm Alastor!", it said again. "¡'m Al@$tør!", it started to distort. "Ĭ̢̜͝'m̬̟̑͗ Á̘͉̉l͈̯̾̀á̘͉̉s͚͈̭̦̈́̈̄͒t͙́ó͎̥͡ṙ̻!", the audio was getting worse and worse as it repeated. "ł'₥ ₳Ⱡ₳₴₮ØⱤ."

Glancing at your cat, you noticed it was grinning like the oh so famous cheshire cat.

"Uh..Alastor?", you said.

As soon as you called them the name, the episode continued to play regularly and your cat had its normal happy demeanor.

"Ok...", you paused the show and went to the kitchen for snacks. "I might have picked up a cursed cat."

After that, Alastor actually seemed to like you. No longer hissing or scratching you when you tried to pet them and sought you out for some cuddles.

Hehehehe..

You had to take him to the vet for a check up and well.. It turned out exactly how you expected it to. Also, you found out they were a he.

He was number one..of the worsts cats in the vet hospital's care. They had to order new gloves meant for hawks.

After that, you got him a little bow to match the character Alastor and he seemed to really enjoy it. Of course, the red cat was quite fluffy and only the bow part was visible.

The cat tower finally arrived and you set it up. It was mostly black, coming with a feather toy as well.

"Done!", you stepped back and smiled at the finished cat tower.

Of course, like any cat, Alastor was not amused. Sitting in the packaging box comfortably.

"You know what? I'm not even mad. I used to sit in boxes as a kid.", you said and cleaned up the bubble wrap.

Things were turning out pretty well. That is until your neighbor got a weird looking pet. Now you knew Alastor was strange but he looked like a cat. Whatever the neighbor has was something else.

It was black with blue and some red. Flat looking face and a strange tail.

Maybe it was an exotic animal?

You weren't sure but Alastor hated, HATED, them.

And you made sure not to walk your little furball when the other pet was out. Making that mistake once. Once being enough.

I bestow upon ye cat Alastor!

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @glowinggoldfish0 @tiredgamerhere @fluffy-koalala @valenfawkes @willowshadenox @aria-tempest @alastor-simp @willowaudreykeyes @+?

ML II for Alastor🎙️

[shalomniscient]

CAT & MOUSE || jane doe x reader [NSFT][MDNI]

“I didn’t think you could be this good, little mouse,” you remark, lounging back in the plush of your leather office chair, swirling your glass of tequila in one hand. One of your legs is crossed over the other, the polished sheen of your shoe gleaming in the low light, almost reflecting the serene smile of the woman before you. Her long, wiry tail flicks idly on the ground, deceptively casual, as if she isn’t holding you at corporate gunpoint. The ice in your glass clinks as it shifts, melting and dissolving into the depths of your drink. “At the sex, or the espionage?” she asks, and you indulge in a thin smile of your own at her confidence. “Both,” you answer, and it’s the only honest thing either of you will tell each other tonight. Or, your secretary turns out to not just be a regular secretary. Which is bad, because she’s seen both the corporate skeletons in your closet and the delicate sheets of your bed, and that’s far too much of your figurative and literal furniture for anyone not on your payroll to know. Though at the very least, you plan on making what should be your last night as CEO an enjoyable one—which interestingly enough, is a sentiment your traitorous little secretary seems to share.

cw. [NSFT][MDNI] strap-ons, hair pulling, tail pulling (?), degradation, biting, rough sex

notes. this one’s for u @nbdaddykink 🫡🫡🫡 bon appetitty 👀👀👀 also reader has some cat thiren (?) characteristics because themes, and also a bit of a corporate scumbag. also written before character release !!! if this becomes ooc post-release please do not kill me tq

“Your name isn’t even Natasha, is it?” you ask idly, despite already knowing the answer. You rest one arm on the armrest of your chair, leaning your head against your knuckles as you drink in the sight of her. The shadows cut her into a new light, an odd little contradiction you’ve come to realise that she quite adores. To be seen more clearly in the dark, and to catch cats in mousetraps—you can’t help the grudging smile on your face as you muse to yourself. What an odd little creature she is.

“No,” she replies eventually, that picture perfect smile never once leaving her expression. After a beat, she tilts her head, tail swishing behind her. “But you can call me Jane.”

You hum. “Is that your real name, then?”

“What is real and what isn’t only comes down to a matter of perception.”

You almost laugh at the non-answer, sheer excellence in corporate deflection. “It’s really a shame, little mouse. You were the best secretary I ever had.”

“Don’t worry,” she returns, a smirk tugging on her painted lips, “you’ll have no need for secretaries where you’re going.”

You do laugh at that, just a little. A jail cell? What a cute pipe dream. You’d get a home arrest at worst—though you can indulge in the idealism of it for a little. You take a sip of your drink, keeping your eyes trained on her as the liquid burns like fire down your throat. Your ears twitch, and you can hear her heartbeat; calm and steady. You like it more when it’s racing.

You set down your glass with an exaggerated sigh. “And here I thought we had something good going, Jane. I even packed a little surprise for you tonight.”

Her pulse jumps, and you have to bite back the victorious upward quirk of your lip. For all she seemed to be a consummate professional at whatever her real job is, you’ve found that Jane has a remarkable weakness—or fondness—for debauchery. Not that you’re complaining, of course; not when Jane looks like that. You make a show of uncrossing your legs, clearly displaying the outline of your strap under your slacks. Those sharp eyes immediately fly down to your crotch, and this time there’s no holding back your smug grin.

“Is this a bribe?” she manages after a beat, her voice light and airy despite her words. “That’s a felony too, you know.”

“I’d never do such a thing,” you say dryly. “Consider it an offer from a… friend. For old times’ sake, hm?”

Something glints in Jane’s eyes, and for all she can set up her little mousetraps, so can you. You were not born without these teeth and claws for no reason, after all. Hunting is in your DNA, and there’s a dull ache in your canines as you wait for her answer. She gives it to you by striding forward to shamelessly sit herself in your lap.

“I suppose I can indulge you in a little bit of fun,” she breathes, leaning in close enough for her breath to tickle the tufted fur of your ears. “You’re a damn good fuck, anyways.”

You manage a low hiss before crashing your lips against hers. Her tongue pushes its way into your mouth, and you abandon your glass in favor of gripping her waist in your hands—small enough that your thumbs nearly meet over her belly. You barely manage to suppress the full- body shudder that threatens to consume you at the thought of stuffing her full of your cock soon, and watching the ridge in her cute tummy appear and disappear as you fuck into her.

Jane’s kisses have always been greedy, needy things that leave your lips kiss-swollen after. Her teeth nip on your lower lip and you growl, before rising to your feet. Jane makes a small, surprised noise before wrapping her legs around you, her tail looping deliberately lower to squeeze your ass. You swallow her little giggle with another hungry kiss as you walk over to your desk, before unceremoniously dumping her onto the hardwood and hiking her skirt up.

Her scent fills your lungs as one of your hands leaves her waist to trail a finger up her clothed, dripping cunt. You give an experimental roll of your hips, the tip of your faux cock pressing against her through the layers of fabric, and she exhales a pleased sigh like music to your ears. “Did you like that, little mouse?” you hum, your other hand squeezing her thigh and pushing it up until her ankle rests on your shoulder, spreading her nice and open for you. “Always so needy.”

Jane only looks at you with eyes half-lidded, a lazy smirk on her face, though the pure desire in her eyes is unmistakable. “Says the one who offered.”

Touché, you think, not that you’d ever admit that to her. Instead you settle for tugging her ruined underwear to the side, retracting your claws and pushing two fingers knuckle deep into her wet cunt. Jane arches her back at the sudden intrusion, squeezing tight around your fingers, any more of her smartness dying in her throat. You don’t give her a moment of reprieve, fucking your fingers into her with such force and speed that the wet sounds of you working her dripping cunt echo throughout your office. Your other hand presses down on her stomach, keeping her in place as she rockets and writhes to orgasm beneath you. Her legs wrap tighter around you, her tail snaking down to constrict around one of your legs.

“Gonna cum, little mouse?” you ask, voice low. Your thumb presses against her clit, and Jane’s body jerks, a pitchy squeak leaving her lips. She’s definitely close. You work your entire hand harder against her, inside her, your two fingers ruthlessly rubbing against the patch of nerves in her cunt as your thumb draws figure-eights on her stiff clit.

Jane's eyes meet yours through her long lashes, and you can tell she's close. There's a dusting of red on her plush, round cheeks, and you have to resist the urge to lean down and nip at them. Her little ears twitch, pressed flat to her skull from how you play her body like a damn instrument. The look in her eyes is hungry, almost as if she wants to devour you, instead. It stokes a bigger fire in you than anything you've ever experienced. With one more practiced curl of your fingers, you draw Jane over the edge, and she cums with a high-pitched whine, blunt nails digging into the finely pressed suit on your back. Her cunt bears down like a vise on your fingers, squeezing so tightly as if she's trying to cut off your circulation. Her tail lashes back and forth like a whip, the sharp end scoring lines into the wooden paneling of your office floor.

You don't give her any sort of reprieve, though. After all, she still betrayed you—you have some steam to work off. So you withdraw your fingers with a slick squelching noise and flip her onto her front, one hand pressing her into the desk by the small of her back, just above where her tail begins, while the other hurriedly undoes the zipper of your slacks. She pants as she throws a look at you over her shoulder, eyes blown wide, only to roll back into her skull when you shove all eight inches into her sopping cunt with one smooth thrust.

"That's it," you croon, "such a good whore, aren't you?" Jane's fingers claw into your desk as she scrabbles for purchase, for some sort of grounding as you rearrange her guts. Her tail twitches each time you bottom out in her, and you take the opportunity to wrap the thin length of it around your hand before using it to pull her back onto your cock with each thrust you make forward. Jane shrieks beneath you, and some lingering primal instinct in your brain snarls in victory at the sound.

You lean down, hips battering against her perfect, round ass that bounces with each drive of your dick. You nip at her little mousey ear, delighting in the squeaky noise that leaves her lips at the feel of your fangs. "Maybe you should have invested in a collar instead of a mousetrap," you sneer, moving lower to sink your teeth into her shoulder. Your breath cascades over her skin and you feel her shiver beneath you.

A shame that your cock is only plastic. You would’ve loved to know how her cunt feels, clenching down on her. But this is fine too, as you watch the reverb of her plush ass every time your hips collide with it. Your free hand can’t help but be drawn towards it, squeezing one cheek until red lines appear on her creamy skin. Everything about her is so… bitable. All you want to do is sink your teeth into her and never let go. You double your efforts, and you’re rewarded by another whiny moan from the woman beneath you. Her legs kick out, or at least attempt to, as the pleasure mounts and mounts low in her belly.

“F-fuck,” she gasps, panting in between her lewd cries, “fuck, I’m going to—“

Your hand travels from her ass, under her body and back to her clit, and Jane groans. Her fingers find the edge of your desk and she grips it until her knuckles go white with force. You flick at her clit before rubbing it between the pads of your fingers, your other hand tugging back on her tail again. You trade your speed for depth, ensuring the tip of your cock kisses as close as possible to her cervix.

“Go on,” you command, “cum on my cock, like I know you want to.”

It’s perhaps the last order you’ll ever give her, and Jane obeys gorgeously. A scream rips from her lips, her entire body jerking with the force of her orgasm. You pin her to the desk with your hands and your hips as she thrashes, utterly lost in the throes of pleasure, your cock seated as deeply as it can go inside her tight pussy. You can’t help but lean down and sink your teeth into the nape of her neck at the sight, some intrinsic instinct to mate taking over you.

It takes some time before Jane returns to her senses, and uncoils her tail from your hand. You move to withdraw, but the prehensile appendage loops around your waist, all while she still rests against your desk.

“Oh?” you hum, as the tip of her tail travels up your body, the sharp ends prodding at your jugular. Jane pushes herself up from your desk, the image of debauchery, with her makeup smudged but still holding that insatiable hunger in her eyes. She glances out of the large office window at the glittering city below, the lights shining more like starlight than anything that could be seen from above. When she turns to you, her expression is an invitation.

“There’s still some time left,” she says after a beat. “Maybe we can make the most of it.”

She doesn’t need to tell you twice.

[verysium]

please write something about blue lock as cat dads, like we have cat and its batshit insane <3

my cat was furiously scratching at my bedroom door this morning, so i'm taking that as a sign to write this. here you go anon:

rin owns a void. black fur with bluish green eyes and sharp little fangs. rin adopted him as an emotional support animal after sae left for spain. his name is kuro (黑) which means "black" in japanese because the itoshis are just unoriginal with all pet names. sometimes the cat camouflages with the furniture, but rin knows its habits too well to accidentally sit on him. they have an almost telepathic bond. kuro follows a very strict routine. feeding times are 7 in the morning before rin's football practice and 6 in the evening during dinner. he is calm and quiet most of the time but hisses whenever there are birds in the window. very shy around strangers. will curl his tail around rin's leg and peek out from time to time but does not have the courage to actually approach. sometimes if rin has free time, he takes kuro out to the park and lets him chase after the butterflies. kuro is also very intelligent. knows how to unlock doors, fetch the newspaper, and clean up after using the potty. sometimes spaces out when rin watches his horror movies at night. will blink at the screen owlishly. he's not very skittish when it comes to jumpscares. he just doesn't understand what's going on in the film. his favorite time of the year is during the holidays when rin goes back to kamakura to visit his parents. mama itoshi always sneaks kuro an extra fish bone.

oliver has a cat with heterochromia. his name is björn which is swedish for bear because he is a massive maine coon. flirts with all the tabby cats in his neighborhood and purrs loudly to show off. incredibly fluffy but sheds a lot. very strong physically. one time he moved oliver's entire closet because he did not like how it was blocking his cat door. secretly the leader of a cat gang, but oliver doesn't know. pretty chill most of the time and enjoys large family gatherings. multilingual because he can respond to commands in swedish, japanese, and german. he also knows a little bit of danish. oliver taught him a few tricks as a kitten. he can twirl around, roll over, and give high-fives. despite his large size, björk is very flexible and light on his feet. one time he got into the cookie jar on the top pantry shelf, and oliver's mom had to shoo him out.

shidou has an orange cat named ryu (竜) which is an alternative form of the kanji for "dragon" (龍). it is also adapted from the first character in his name "ryusei." his cat looks exactly like how mcdonald's sprite tastes. very spicy. does not sleep at night. his business hours are from three in the morning to whenever he passes out. drifts like a literal race car and makes vrooming sound effects. ryu took one whiff of catnip as a kitten and has never been the same since. all of his toys are shredded. prefers taking the head off first. you will find cotton stuffing everywhere. he destroyed the brand new cat bed shidou got for him, so now he's been downgraded to a cardboard box. ryu is prohibited from all open windows especially the ones with pull-down blinds because he once saw a squirrel and went absolutely feral. only eats raw meat and refuses to even touch dried kibble. sits beside shidou whenever he orders yukhoe from the local korean restaurant. feasts on all the scraps.

barou has a tuxedo cat. her name is mimi, and she is the sweetest cat in existence. claws are always trimmed. licks herself clean. unusually calm at the vet and groomer and is one of the few cats who actually enjoys baths. sometimes helps barou with cleaning by catching all the dust bunnies. his apartment is also insect-free thanks to her. she is, in fact, a baddie. the tomcat next door has tried to get her attention for over a year now, but she refuses to be swayed. he gave her a dead rat once, but mimi swatted it away before telling him he better start paying some bills and look somewhat hygienic before she even looked his way. the only man in her life is barou, and it will stay that way. mimi is also a polydactyl cat, so it looks like she's wearing white mittens. sometimes barou comes home from practice exhausted and collapses face first into bed, and mimi will crawl onto his back to knead his muscles for him.

nagi has a scottish fold. she has white fur and brown eyes, hence her name yuki which is japanese for "snow." she is very similar to nagi. lazy and sleeps all day. their favorite activity together is sunbathing. eats a lot but somehow still manages to stay in shape. she often sits upright like a human and kneads the fur on her tummy. as a kitten, she mirrored nagi's actions, so he got her a mini video game controller. it doesn't actually work, but she gets to press on the buttons whenever nagi is gaming. makes her feel very involved. scientists have also classified her as a liquid. she can get herself through every nook and cranny. even the two millimeter crack under the bedroom door. her favorite place in the house is her bed. has two fluffy blankets and a teddy bear. during winter, she moves her bed closer to the heater. has unofficial beef with choki because she tried to eat him once. ended up with spines in her mouth and never touched a houseplant after that. choki still has a giant missing chunk from where his arm was bitten off.

reo has a persian cat. her royal title is kana-hime because she is a spoiled princess. she has silky fur that smells like perennial roses. has an entire room to herself and a private chef. reo has like 3134736845 pictures of her on his phone. she is even included in the holiday cards and family portrait above the fireplace mantel. her collar is made of sterling silver with a diamond in the nameplate. very coquette. pink bows are her favorite. sensitive paws so reo customized a pair of small fur booties for her. clingy and has attachment issues (just like her owner.) sometimes goes on playdates with yuki. said playdates involve yuki just sitting there while kana-hime gives her a full body grooming session and makeover.

sae owns a siamese. light blue eyes and a dark patch of fur on her face and paws. she does not have a name because sae never formally adopted her. one morning he had gone to practice and returned to a mother and her kittens on his fire escape. sae did not keep the kittens, but unfortunately the mother was very persistent, so he let her stay. despite originally being a stray, she is very clean. always licking herself and sae's hands. not very picky but has a preference for seafood, specifically surume. very productive during the day. rearranges her bed and water bowl. scratches her post five to six times. takes a daily stroll on the rooftops of madrid. she doesn't have a collar, but somehow always manages to return safely to sae's window. has an almost sixth sense when it comes to his emotions. if she senses he is tired, she will hop onto his lap and force him to lay down and give her pets. if she sees that he is stressed, she rubs her head under his chin to calm him down. probably the only emotional attachment sae has had ever since he left japan.

kaiser has a norwegian forest cat. it has golden fur, dark stripes, and blue eyes. has a little mane around his neck, so he resembles a small lion. his name is klaus. basically a mini kaiser. preens in front of the mirror every morning alongside michael. prances around as if he owns the entire establishment. bullies other cats but is scared shitless in the presence of dogs (even chihuahuas). has a little habit of gently biting kaiser's finger. not enough to draw blood but enough to leave a little imprint from his fangs. it's his way of showing love. nuzzles against kaiser's neck tattoo when he picks klaus up. a very needy baby at night. cannot sleep well in any place that is not michael's bed. needs to be tucked in like a child with his stuffed animals and blankets. ends up sleeping on kaiser's face by the time the morning rolls around. has perfect loafs, as in 11/10 if it was a competition. side-eyes ness whenever he comes to visit. extremely judgmental to the point kaiser suspects klaus must have been a human in his past life. knows how to pose for photos and even tilts his head to capture a good angle.

[anna6anana]

I was always more into villains

How the two of you met was the most Cliché in the book but you would not have changed it for the world.

a freak gust of wind had taken your umbrella while you were coming out of the 7/11, and after the day you had had with a client that wasn’t happy with almost anything you had suggested for her living room, you slumped down on the sidewalk.

You were wet, hangry and on the verge of tears before the rain was cut out by someone. Making you look up at the kind stranger that had suddenly appeared beside you.

You had to admit, he looked cute in his shaggy hair and trench coat, maybe a little awkward having to suddenly comfort a crying girl on his way home, but still. Something made your heart do a little flip flop when he offered to walk you to your apartment so you would not get a cold because of the rain.

It might also had been that were weak for guys with strong nose. Yeah, weird but in your opinion, it made a person have character. Just like a piece of furniture in a room that in a way should not have fit in the theme or tone wise. But was so unique in its looks it just…fit.

So, with a small smile you said yes and after meeting him at least twice a week in your search of dinner.

(You knew how to cook it was just easier to go get something since the hectic work week and usually on your free days you committed on trying to cook something new. varying results. but usually the result was eatable.)

He asked if you had a favourite animal.

“Buy me coffee first and I might tell you.” You joked, and busted out laughing when he appeared behind your door with a latte and spend the afternoon talking about Panda’s and cat’s before he thanked you for the company and asked if you wanted to go to the zoo next time?

“Sure, I haven’t been in a while.” you said and a week later you were happily watching animals with him, lifting his arm on your waist when he looked so lost what to do on a date.

two dates after that he gave you a peck on the cheek.

two months later he was taken off guard when going for your cheek, you turned your head and got his lips brushing yours. His blush was so adorable.

Yet something kept bugging you. The dates and all the usual stuff couples do seem so Alien to him, like he was from a completely different world.

and a week from that you got your answer.

You blinked, not sure if you were trying to wake up from a weird dream or trying to convince your brain what you were seeing.

There he was, your boyfriend in a cape with a weird tail, slicked back hair and… was that a tattoo?

Shaking your head to get your mind out of the gutter you opened and closed your mouth a couple of times, trying to ask what was going on but none of the questions was spoken before you heard someone yell something about dark lord and running away.

Before you snapped a hold of his hand and quickly led him behind your neighbour’s garden wall just as red and blue ranger ran past you both. None the wiser.

After your pulse had gone down, you snapped your angry eyes to him. Making him a little nervous, yet oddly impressed of your face.

You would make a fantastic second in command with that gaze.

“Explain. now!” You snapped and after few seconds of silence he sighed deeply and told you everything.

“So…Am I on that destruction list since I’m human?” you finally asked, and he said you were an exception along the pandas and cats.

After some more silence you looked up before smiling at him that cheeky smile he had come to adore.

“O well, I was always more into villains anyway.” You chuckled.

the next thing you knew, you were swept into a muscular arm’s and kissed so deeply it stole your breath away.

“Marry me?” He got out after he finally let your lips go. And without any further words, you bit your lip and pulled him back into a kiss with a sighed ‘yes ‘

He took a long lunch that day.

[threadsun]

Anonymous Asks: "If ya get the time for it, I really wanna see some pet play stuff with the SDJ boys. More specifically, with us being the pet and the guys being the masters.

(Also, due to Nick's profession, I feel like he'd be WAY better at this than anyone lol)"

Content: petplay, tail plugs, gags,

Jack:

He doesn't have an animal preference, but he will default to you being a dog if it's left up to him

He wants you done up all cute, with ears and a tail plug and everything! He wants the fur to match your hair colour as well, so you look like a proper little puppy for him

He'll have you sit by his feet with your head in his lap, petting you slowly while he tells you all the dirty things he wants to do to you

He'll ramp it up slowly, first a collar and a bone gag, then telling you to fetch things or lay down or roll over, and finally fucking you doggy style as he pulls your tail to hear you howl for him

You'd better not be planning to say a word to him all night. Good puppies don't talk, after all! He'll only respond to barking~

Ian:

Doesn't matter what animal you are, he's treating you like you're the softest and most delicate thing in the world

He won't even think to collar you unless you ask. But he'll spend plenty on high quality ears and a tail for you! Even some cute little paw gloves and socks if you want

If you do want a collar, it'll end up being soft and comfortable and have a little tag with his name on it

Honestly, as much as he'll get horny and fuck you when you're in pet mode, he'll always want to start with cuddles and snuggles. He just wants a loving pet!

He usually goes into it intending for it to be nonsexual petplay, but his dick gets the better of him every time

Shaun:

Please be a cat please be a cat please be a cat! He'll accept any animal, but god does he want you to be a cat

If you're going into pet play with him, you'd best be ready for him to go all the way. A leather animal mask, leather mitts, tying your ankles to your thighs. You'll be on all fours the whole night

Look, he'll go soft petplay if you ask him to, but for him the appeal is making you as animalistic as possible

He'll have you eat from his hand. He'll talk to you like you're really just a pet. He'll show you how to go down on him or get ready for him to fuck you like it's your first time

He gets fully into the role of being your owner. You're his pet, and he'll love you and use you as he sees fit

Nick:

He's pretty experienced with petplay, and he doesn't really have an animal preference, though he likes rarer ones

He's all about the experience. Both making it a good one for both of you, and making it an interesting one for himself. He likes trying new things, so ask him for whatever you want

Everything takes a lot of negotiation with him. It's one of his favourite parts of sex! So be prepared to tell him what you want

You want a collar? He's got it! Ears and a tail? Check! Leash? Absolutely! Seriously, anything you could possibly want to use, he's got about ten of for you to choose from

Once you're actually in the scene, he's fully into the role of your owner and you as his pet

Joseph:

Joseph has a soft spot for puppies. He'll do petplay with you as any animal, of course, but puppies are his choice

He likes the way you look so happy just to be with him! The way you come to him when he pats his knees and the way you wiggle on your back when he rubs your belly

Seriously, the unconditional love and joy of a pet is something he desperately needs, so he cherishes it

He'll fuck you if that's what you want, but honestly he's just as happy to sit with you on the couch and cuddle while you're in petspace. It's soothing for him

If you do want him to fuck you, he'll be gentle and slow about it, making sure his sweet pet is happy~

Jean:

He may be soft with his actual pet, but he's not gonna be soft with you, no matter what animal you are

Seriously, he takes great delight in punishing you for everything. From trying to sit on the furniture to talking back to him to anything else he deems "unacceptable for a pet"

He'll impose harsh rules on you and any slight deviance from those rules will have him spanking your ass raw

He loves to fuck you right after a punishment when you're physically and emotionally bruised and off-balance. He'll tell you what a bad pet you are while pounding into you

He lives for the psychological and physical sadism of being your owner. You'd better be prepared...

Rory:

Any sort of pet is good for him! He's not very high energy, though, so don't expect him to do much active playing

More than anything, he wants a sweet pet who'll curl up with him and shyly grind against him because they're just so needy, and he can urge them under the covers

His favourite thing is watching his sweet little pet go down on him. Something about it drives him wild

Whenever he doesn't need his hands for anything else, he'll pet you. He loves petting you and praising you and letting you know you're the best thing he could ever have!

Seriously, he's horny and sweet with you the whole time! He loves you and wants you so much

Barry:

It doesn't matter if you're into petplay or not, Barry will eventually decide to turn you into his cow

You don't have a choice in the matter. He's getting you cow print lingerie, a cow bell, some ears and a tail. If it goes far enough, he'll even end up branding you

This is happening during work hours, as well. It's your new uniform, have fun! You're now required to moo in greeting too

Seriously, he gets such a kick out of your discomfort. He'll strap you up to a milking machine, put you on display, and charge people to fuck you if he can get away with it

He might branch out to other animals, but cow is generally his go-to because it's so humiliating for most people

[kittybroker]

I wanted to submit my cat Ombra, and his sister Serafina.

Unfortunately, Ombra passed away a day or two before new years last year, after struggling with kidney disease.

As a PSA (nothing graphic but it is sad), I want everyone to know that kidney disease is a common cause of death among cats, however it’s not always fatal if you catch it early enough, so they can be on the look out for it. The instant you notice them having strange bodily emissions (runny when it should be solid, etc.), and drinking water in desperate amounts, among other symptoms, you should get them to a vet as quickly as possible. But if the cat has already stopped eating, it’s probably too late. Treatment would be prohibitively expensive, and extremely painful and stressful for the cat, with a very very low success rate (if they do live longer because of it, it won’t be a happy life).

Unfortunately, we didn’t realise in time, and he passed away.

Serafina is very healthy today, however, and while she misses her brother, she makes up for it by spending even more time with us.

Anyway, Serafina is a silly goose who likes putting herself directly in your path (and the path of moving furniture [it hasn’t hit her ever, so why should she bother moving?]), everytime she yawns she emits a burst of fishy cat breath, and as soon as my father starts speaking in his low voice she immediately needs to sit on his lap. And Heaven forBID you not let her in when she screams and scratches at your door!

Ombra was not so great at bathing himself, but Serafina loved to do it for him, and in return he ate more than his fair share of the food and took up way more space than needed, often splaying and wiggling around into silly positions and nearly pushing her off whatever they were sitting on, though Serafina would promptly sit on him instead. He aslo had a terrible love for crashing into the backs of people’s legs to really get them worked up just before the person you were calling picked up the phone, while Serafina only recently learned to use the scratching posts instead of the couch! Ombra was a very loud purrer, my friend could hear his motorcycle rumble through the landline. He also had a broken tail from before they were rescued from the streets, meaning the very tip was crooked.

So how much for my kitties?

(I hope the picture loads properly)

Ombra and Serafina the perfect pair! Ombra may only be here in spirit, but that's enough to sell! Get these two kitties for only $47.62!

[luxury-nightmare]

mom says it’s my turn on the writing

Alex had an idea. It was a bad idea on most levels, but it was a funny, so they decided to go through with it. They had picked up a laser pointer from a nearby drugstore, and were just about to head home.

Worst case scenario, they die at the hands of the worlds weirdest roommate. Clyde would sometimes act like a big cat, scratching up Alex’s furniture, purring very loudly whenever it was happy with something, and that one time that Alex missed work because Clyde decided that it wanted to lay on top of them to sleep.

So, Hypothetically, if they used the laser pointer, Clyde might chase it around like the world’s deadliest house cat.

They needed to see if this worked, for science of course.

Also because it would be really funny.

The closed the door behind them, Clyde flopped over on the couch like a murder victim. The demon looked over at Alex, before stretching and readjusting on the couch. Alex sat down next to the demon and rummaged through their pockets for the laser pointer.

“Human what are you doing?” Clyde asked, looking up at Alex as they fished the laser pointer out of their pockets. “Just testing something” they said, and turned on the laser pointer.

Alex looked over at Clyde, its eyes visibly dilated. It pounced onto the red spot, tail wagging like a cat. Alex stifled a giggle and moved the laser spot across the floor. Clyde sprinted behind the trail.

Alex chuckled. This was going to be a fun afternoon.

———————————————

“Human, what the fuck”

Clyde looked over at Alex, who was poorly hiding a laugh. The living room was a mess, with overturned stacks of books and knocked over furniture littering the floor. The red dot was nowhere to be found.

Alex didn’t even really care that their home looked like a tornado had ran through it, watching Clyde chase around a laser pointer like a cat had been worth it.

“Human why?” Clyde asked. Alex smiled.

“It was really funny”

———————————————

Clara had been digging around in the boxes Alex sent her. They couldn’t really go back to their old life, so they gave what little they had on them to her so she could start over. She needed to work on a new life after the asylum ripped her away from her old one. She was incredibly grateful to them for this, lord knows she needed any help she could get after getting out of that hellhole.

Something cold and metallic brushed past her fingers. She grasped the object, pulling the metal cylinder from the layers of clothes. She pulled a laser pointer out from the box and looked at it with a puzzled expression.

“Hey, Alex?” She asked. “Yeah?” Alex responded. They were trying to learn how to imitate their old voice. It was off enough to be noticeable, but close enough you could still recognize it. The velidgun turned to her with curiosity. “Why do you have a laser pointer?”

“Oh yeah” Alex responded, every eye they had looking at the laser pointer with fondness “I bought it at a drugstore back before I got kicked out. I wanted to see if Clyde would chase it.”

“And?”

“It did” they giggled at the memory “the house was a wreck after but it was funny as hell”.

Clara looked down at the laser pointer with curiosity. She had an idea, but wasn’t sure if she should follow through.

“Fuck it” she whispered to herself. “What did you say?” Alex asked, before cutting themself off the stare at the red dot now emitting from the laser pointer. Their tail wagged like a happy dog, and they pounced on the dot. Clara moved it across the floor, with Alex following it like a cat. Clara couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she moved the dot again.

Oh dear lord she knew what they meant by it being funny.

———————————————

Clyde snicked “not so funny to be on the other side of it, is it”

Alex looked at their partner with bitterness from the broken table they had crashed into “Shut up”

[sewinrat]

Randal x cousin Frank’s pet ferret?

Might be an odd request but I thought it would be funny if little frank had a pet who acted more like a babysitter for him than an actual pet

This Takes place before he got kicked to the moon, also the reader is female

I'm sorry but I'm not really in the Ranfren fandom long enough to know who cousin Frank is. I try to find source but all I found was a link to a deactivated deviantart where the comic was supposed to be and few fanarts so instead I changed it to you being Randal's pet/babysitter.

*Reader implied female and a ferret. Don't get confused with cat or dog behaviours. Also I added Lucid 6 and 12 separately technically

"You are an idiot." You told Randal as you bandaged him up. You make him put tissues up his nose to stop his nose from bleeding more. Luther told you to bandage him up while he go set up a game for the family. "Heh heh~ I just want to play with Sebastian~" he laughs it off and wrap his arms around you while he rubs his face/cheek against yours. "Leave the poor boy alone, he's still new- Stop, you're still bleeding." You hiss at him as a warning.

"Awh~ But your tail is wagging! And that's rare!" He points out and you look down behind you, sure enough - it is wagging. You're embarrassed but you hide it and push Randal away from you. "I feel more like a babysitter than a pet," You retorted. "But you're still the best pet! You play with me, you can keep up with me, not so quiet like those two cats and you're not as fragile as Sebastian!" He has a big cat-like smile on his face as he thinks about all those times you play games with him without you getting tired. Although he lets out small laughs when he remembers times you accidentally ran into furnitures because of your poor vision as a ferret.

You sighed in defeat and continue on with trying to still stop the bleeding nose that you both momentarily ignored. After you successfully did, you put on Mickey mouse ears headband on him for some reason. "There. Now come on," you grab his hand, "we have a family game to get to." You ran with him, holding hands to get to the others. Randal laughs joyfully seeing you being so hyper for no reason.

—

"Randal this is stupid." You say while the boy in statement digs out a grave of some kid named 'Winston Hansen'. "Your brother is going to catch us." You told him the obvious. "It's fine~ I just want to see~" he keeps digging with a smile. Not even over 2 minutes, Luther caught him with Nyen as the catman restrain him and cover his mouth. You hiss aggressively at the catman and your tail poof-out at him. Unfortunately, you are around the same age as Randal so you aren't really intimidating him but you tried.

Luckily Luther told Nyen to let Randal go but that didn't stop you from still trying to intimidate him, glaring deathly as you can at him and he glares back twice as harsh but neither of you are going to do anything with the king around.

Anyways, you all get in the car and you started to wipe away the 'dirt' while moving your legs back and forth(also not trying to hit the front seat) but it seems that it's affecting and fusing into him, the filth spreading, making him rot by the hands. You almost hit him when you hear what he wants to order at a drive thru. Fortunately, he got the kids' meal instead but he's unable to pick up the fries so you had to hand feed him.

Once you arrived home, you both went towards Randal's room with Luther. You lay down on your own bed that was beside Randal's coffin. You didn't bother to listen to the brothers' conversation and instead started to doze off, you lean your head a little bit against his coffin before you went dead asleep. You may not see it after but Randal also leans against the in/other side of his coffin where your head was against.

[sonicasura]

Feral Plagas!Leon but he acts more like an energetic cat that was just given catnip. The pills used to suppress the Plagas growth alongside the miniscule inactive viruses from his previous adventures just toasts the bug's original nature. It's relationship with Leon becomes akin to Venom with the mind of a stubborn toddler.

Don't give it sweets and the guy will be bouncing around like a lunatic until you catch him on a tree covered in fresh sap. Leon arches his back like the Halloween Black Cat with his tail plus spike spines flared up if spooked. Becomes a pure chittering mess if given anything that contains honey or maple syrup. Meat honey from vulture bees is Plagas!Leon's favorite so it's best to keep stock.

Complete and total hoarder. He loves to collect stuff in this feral state akin to a bower bird. If it gets Leon's attention, then it's added to his makeshift hive like nest. Man has a few scratching posts and something very durable to chew on. Got a tendency of stealing animals like rabbits or chickens for the purpose of being pets.

Any nest Plagas!Leon makes is a mix between old clothes, bedding materials, and a unique type of saliva he can produce. The slime is very adhesive that it'll put even the strongest glues to shame. Leon's saliva has minor healing properties.

It's usually made in a web form than liquid to heavily reduce the adhesiveness and make it easier to remove. He can also make a powerful acid with the purpose of making pathways. Leon has quite a number hidden in Spain with only one not made during a feral episode.

He is absolutely embarrassed once a feral episode comes to an end as he's fully conscious for every moment. Especially since tantrums are a given in this state and he'll wreck furniture out of spite. Saddler trying to control the parasite just pisses it off instead so Plagas!Leon is even more vicious when fighting the cult.

In fact, he will even EAT the other Plagas as rage lets loose cannibalistic tendencies from its altered nature. A good chunk of insects do feed on other members of their species so don't be surprised if its true here. Leon later admits that they taste like chicken much to Ashley's disgust and Luis' morbid fascination.

Zoomies happen a lot even more so during a feral episode. His body tends to produce too much energy and Leon has to expel it. A human sized hamster wheel or hamster ball is always brought up with Ashley even thinking of a design. Leon wasn't amused.

Completely territorial especially when a huge threat such as Krauser is nearby. Half the time Feral Plagas!Leon will cut down the threat or get his 'swarm' to safety. (Leads to a Luis lives situation) Ashley and Luis are HIS, same goes for anyone else that he can trust and likes.

Feral episodes has a 50/50 chance that he'll shift into 'bug mode'. His appearance heavily morphing to an insectoid yet oddly reptilian visage. It's completely random so what comes come. Plagas!Leon still acts the same although he might carry Ashley or Luis by the scruff of their shirt with his fangs.

His abilities are heavily amplified in bug mode than just size alone. Leon's acid can melt steel than just rock, his adhesive saliva now hardens into a cocoon like shell, and any webbing produced is able to treat more extensive injuries such as 2nd degree burns. You can say he's more of a tank or sentinel from roleplaying games in this state.

Overall, the man is just relieved that he isn't going to hurt anyone innocent thanks to his new infected status. Although Leon will never tell anyone about the time he almost ate a Karen's annoying corgi. Guy's Plagas was hangry that day.

Plagas!Leon: War Mode

[py-dreamer]

SBI & RodentHybrid!Reader

----------------------------------------------------------

GN!Reader, (this is my first time doing something like this-)

Rats, mice and most rodents alike are under-appreciated in my opinion and I had some SBI brainrot I could not stop.

How did they find you?

Philza had just adopted his 3 chaos sons and was not expecting to have anymore children.

Tommy was 3, Wilbur and Techno were both 10

however, one day he heard tiny squeaks during a trek in the forest.

he thought it was just a regular mouse but it was too loud to be one so he followed the source and peered in the bushes and in it was lil' ol' you

you couldn't have been more than a year old by the looks of it and you were absolutely tiny! you could fit in the palm of his hand

you were also freezing cold and there were no adults around so... guess Phil's gonna adopt another child then!

Your rat features:

I put down rodent hybrid cause' I couldn't make up my mind if you were going to be a mouse or a rat (there's a difference!) so neither can your family!

You have the cartoonishly big mouse ears (think Mickey Mouse) and also a long thin and scaly tail

You also have delicate whiskers and a itty bitty nose that has a surprisingly good sense of smell

There are small patches around your body hear and there

TOE BEANS! TOE BEANS! TOE BEANS!

Also, smol. Extremely small. You are by far the shortest in the family. Mice are really small so I think you'd grow to 1ft 6 at most

Rats have strong teeth so you also have a set of really strong buck teeth

Since Techno once talked with a piglin, and Phil's chat are literally crows, you can talk to other rodents

"I'm not like other people! I'm 1ft 6, I have the best sense of smell, I can talk to animals and I have a tail cause I'm a foocking rat baby"

Life with the SBI

it was rather difficult to adjust to the new family member because of the drastic height differences but nothing they couldn't handle

All the seats, tables ect have a little ladder carved in or have a step-ladder attached so you could climb up

Stairs and doors. They were going to be a problem. So Dadza made like a little elevator out of string, small planks of wood and pulleys so you can get up and down the floors. Each door in the house also had a small doggy door on it so you could easily enter...though one time a stray cat had gotten in and chased you around the house so the main door and the door to the backyard had to have little locks installed on the little doors too.

Once you got a bit older, Dadza realized it would've been a very tiring life for you to have to climb up every seat and every table and every shelf you want to use so he made a little hole in the wall under a table and built tiny furniture perfect size for you and helped you decorate your room

Any soft fabric in the house was a perfect napping spot for you. your family would often find you nesting in hoodies, cushions, jackets, cloaks, blankets ect. (Although once Wilbur almost sat on you when you got a little too comfortable and fell asleep on the couch)

I'd like to think whenever you were mad at one of your brothers, you'd steal their stuff (that you can carry ie Tommy's disc, Wilbur's beanie, Techno's gold) and hide it in your room or a small crevice that only you can fit in and they'd be to big to fit in and reach their stuff.

You would also take advantage of your size and hide in places impossible for your family to hide in but not for you! You were always the hide and seek champion and could evesdrop on your brothers from inside the walls or inside a chest.

Midnight snacks. Just all the snacks. Rats can fit through any space they can get their heads into and some can chew through metal so there was nothing stopping your hungry tummy. Phil was even considering enchanting the pantry to prevent you from theiving all the snacks (you'd share with your brothers though, Phil was just miffed you ate all the snacks before dinner and could get ill)

When you guys were going out and you couldn't keep up, you'd just ride in one of their bags. You were extremely light and it was hard to keep up with their long legs so this was a perfect solution (you 100% fell asleep in a bag once and the family almost flipped the house upside down looking for you)

Your relationship with Dadza

We already mentioned him earlier but he loves you very much

Phil was a lot more nervous to take care of you cause he'd never raised a child this small before

He was very hesitant to let your brothers hold you when you were a baby because you were just so small and fragile-

When you were little and went out with him, you always had to be on him or holding his hand. Sitting on his hat, his shoulder, riding in his bag, him carrying you, he didn't mind but you couldn't be let out of sight especially in large crowds or tall grass.

He always had at least one of his crows keep an eye on you when you went outside to play just in case anything goes wrong

He still worries about you a lot but knows that at least you can defend yourself now.

Your relationship with Wilbur

he was your big brother and you both love each other a lot

it took some time getting used to you but the moment he saw such a tiny baby, he just went 'SMOL CHILD I WILL PROTECT YOU'

in the early days, when Philza couldn't take care of you, he'd hand you to Wilbur who'd spend time with you and Tommy. Be it going to town, making a new song, going to meet Sally, he was mostly glad to bring his little siblings along

While he cared for you a lot, he still played tricks on you sometimes like when he told you that birds eat mice and you just became terrified of Phil and his crows for a good week XD

He was much more relaxed when it came to your safety (not that he'd let you go into the woods alone, like just be less protective than dadza) though he would just be wary when you guys are with a lot of people so he'd prefer it if you were riding on his beanie. He'd get weird stares but as long as you're safe, he didn't care

when composing songs and you're with him, he'd sing the lyrics and you'd sometimes squeak them back in your high-pitched voice and he would either laugh or die from cuteness...or both

rats also generally have better hearing than humans so when he was composing a song, he'd ask for your opinion to see if it was good or not

Your relationship with Techno

when you were first welcomed into the family, he didn't know what to do-

don't get me wrong he got the same 'PROTECT DA CHILD' feeling as Wilbur and even the voices told him to 'PROTEC SMOL THING' when he got them later on

it's just that you were so small that he was afraid he'd hurt you he was never as gentle as his twin or his dad and Wilbur seemed to like you so he figured he'd him take care of you like Tommy

though one day, you were out in the garden. Techno was training, Phil was in the house, Wilbur and Tommy were with friends. A stray zombie found its way to your home and it started to attack you.

you were too small to get away quick enough and tripped but just as the zombie was about to hurt you any more, Techno shot an arrow through that f*cker's head he then realized you were too weak to defend yourself so decided to train you to be stronger

Wilbur was unsure about letting you wield a sword but Techno insisted it was for the best. Eventually, Tommy bugged him enough to train him too.

it took a while but after enough time and hard work, you were able to wield a few light weight weapons and were able to hold your own at pvp by quickly darting and dodging around your opponent.

when you weren't training, Techno read you and Tommy greek mythology. Tommy would sit in his lap and you would rest on his head (if he felt like it, he'd let you two braid his hair)

like the rest of the SBI, he gave you a piece of golden jewelry, for you it was a small earing

Your relationship with Tommy

I'll be honest: Tommy didn't really like you at first

He was glad to not be the youngest but he didn't realize that he'd get less attention due to you being a baby

they still loved him of course, but Tommy couldn't help but feel jealous when Dadza helped you make your own room or when Wilbur took you on their trips to town or when you'd always be carried by Wil or dad or when Techno started training you before him ect

he'd always try to ignore you or glare angrily and naturally, you reciprocated the behaviour and thus you two always had a sort of rivalry

he'd call you names, yank your ears, tail or whiskers and in turn, you'd call him names, steal his stuff and sometimes bit him if he pulled too hard

But then, one day:

You were 10 and sitting by yourself on the swings in the park. Barely anyone else was there and you were doing your own thing. It was one of the rare opportunities when you could be alone. I mean, you did love your family and all but it was nice to have some alone time too. You were minding your own business when suddenly:

"Hey are you a doll?"

A little kid had just picked you up by your waist and you were frankly very startled. You started wiggling, trying to get out of the kid's grasp but it was too tight.

"You're a very weird doll"

The kid held you tighter and you squealed out for help.

"I'm not a doll! Let me go!!"

The child gasps "A talking doll! Mama, mama! Look, a talking doll! Can I keep it please?" they called their mother over

A woman strides over and looked down while you were trying to get out of there. She gasps in horror and shrieks

"A RAT! A RAT! THROW IT AWAY AT ONCE BILLY! IT HAS THE PLAGUE! GET IT AWAY!!"

She then snatched you out of her child's sticky hands and threw you at full force into the mud.

"GET BACK YOU VERMIN! GET AWAY! RETURN TO THE MURKY SWAMP WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" She screeched while you were trying to process what just happened and collect yourself.

All of a sudden, you heard a very angry yet familiar voice from the bushes

"OI! NO ONE GETS TO PUSH MY SIBLINGS INTO THE MUD BUT ME!!"

He then pounced and shoved the prick and her brat into the mud.

"AHHHH YOU INSOLENT BRAT! HOW DARE YOU!"

Without warning, she grabbed Tommy and tried to trip him over him but before she could, you sneaked up behind her and bit down hard on one of her legs. Tommy then grabbed you and booked it out of there with the screeches of the witch behind you.

Once you two made it back home, you started to clean yourself up when Tommy handed a towel to you. He said nothing and looked away but the gesture was all it needed. The both of you were silent but a mutual care about each other started to grow that day.

it took a while but you two soon became thick as thieves

he even introduced you to Tubbo later on!

You and Tubbo relate to each other on the fact that you were both often underestimated and your shorter heights compared to everyone else.

Life in the smp

you decided to follow Wilbur and Tommy when the left home and promised to write to your dad and older brother

by now, you were as tall as you could be and could defend yourself reasonably well

you, Tommy and Tubbo absolutely cause chaos together. I mean the rat, the racoon and the goat? Who makes better thieves than that?

You definetely participated in the disc wars, stealing Tommy's discs back from Dream whenever you could

During the L'Manberg era, you decided to join your brothers' country and became good friends with the rest of the L'Manberg members. You had a little uniform and everything, you helped to plant flowers and decorate around the country since it was a bit hard to place down blocks.

L'Manberg really felt like a second home and a second family for you even with the constant battles, you still had each other and that was enough.

Then you and everyone else lost your first lives during Eret's betrayal and Tommy had to give up his discs (you wanted to steal them back but Tommy told you that it was ok and they'd find another way) but hey, at least you guys were independent now...right?

Then the elections happened. You were sure your brothers would win until the votes were revealed. They were banned from the country and you desperately scurried after them, trying not to get trampled in the angry mob

You helped them set up Pogtopia and that's when Wilbur decided to give you a job.

With all things considered, you were arguably one of the best spies on the server: You were tiny and hard to spot, you can hide in places no one would think to look, you were fast, agile and hard to catch, you have a far more superior sense of hearing and smelling and can therefore sense if anyone's coming much easier, and you can communicate with rodents; one of the most common and unsuspecting animals.

Therefore, Wilbur gave you and Tubbo the job of spying on Schlatt and Manberg. Tubbo would pretend to be on their side and you would eavesdrop from the shadows.

You should've been more wary of Wil's behaviour, he looked like he was loosing it but still wanting to help your brother, you accepted the job and spied on Manberg, giving Pogtopia info when you could.

Techno came to help and you thought that it would be alright from now on...then the red festival happened. Tubbo gave his speech while you watched from behind the curtains. Then he was boxed up and you could only watch in horror as Techno walked to the stage to execute your best friend.

You thought it couldn't get any worse when someone grabbed you from behind and took you to the stage. JSchlatt held you by the neck and learned that you were the spy sneaking info all along. And before you knew it, he squeezed your throat and you died from suffocation on stage.

Wilbur couldn't look you in the eyes after that and you were told that Techno shot a firework at Schlatt cause 'it wasn't part of the deal'

After the final battle, you couldn't be happier. You were celebrating with all your friends and looking for Wilbur before the ground shook and everything exploded.

You lost half your tail and parts of your left ear that day. But that loss couldn't compare to the loss of your brother, dead in your father's arms

You tried your best to return to normal and just when you started to recover, Tommy was exiled. You followed him to Logstedshire and tried to stand up for him against Dream but he was too strong.

Tommy convinced you to leave him and that he'd be ok and you naively believed him.

When Techno took him in, you followed him and couldn't be happier; your family was back together!...well most of them.

Then doomsday happened. Techno didn't tell you his plans and you were in shock as to why he would blow up L'Manberg now.

He then told you about the execution. That while you were with Tommy in exile, he was going to be executed by the butcher army. That news shook you to the core but you couldn't think straight with your second home being blown to smitherines again.

Afterwards, you decided to take a break from society and ran away to live by yourself in a small home you built in the woods for some time to recover.

Tommy would visit sometimes and told you about the hotel he was building with Sam Nook, Tubbo visited when he could, he even brought Ranboo with him once and told you about their son Michael. Philza visited once, he told you that Techno was doing alright but just hasn't found the time to visit. You didn't answer when he knocked on the door.

(Sorry if the end sounds rushed, its because it is. I just didn't know what to do about the rest of the extensive lore but let me know if you'd like more of these x reader stuff, only platonic though. Anyways, until next time my lovely marshiemellows!)

[narrators-journal]

Also day 5 for illumi with fem reader plz if that’s ok

I’m so sorry if this is garbage, I’ve rewritten this whole thing or large swaths so much in the week I’ve been waiting for this new laptop...I tried to keep this a dialogue-less work, rely on sensations and description, y’know? As well as, once again, lean into the monster fucking vibes like the lovecraft ask lol. But, I couldn’t pick a monster to make Illumi, so I kinda just ended up picking one at semi-random and going forward with it. I hope you enjoy regardless of any of that jank!

CW: Monsterfucking, somnophilia, noncon by extension, breeding kink, breaking and entering, please be very careful if you read this, lovelies, I don’t want to trigger anyone with the set up.

The moon sat, a cat scratch in the dark blue sea of stars. In a way, it felt as if the moon had closed her eyes to plead ignorant of the tall, slim man with a waterfall of silky, tar-colored hair and dark, bottomless pits for eyes that slipped into the window of a woman he’d observed for weeks before. Not that Illumi Zoldyck particularly cared, his focus was on the subtle sounds of the home shifting and the residents of the night.

Once he was certain of the stillness, his tail softly slid the window shut behind him. From there, the demon took a deep breath of the air inside of the house, Good, she’s alone tonight. That means her waking up doesn’t matter.He thought at the only fresh scent in the air was that of the woman he pursued. Any partners or room mates had surely been gone for that day.

So, with the skills of a honed predator, Illumi crept through the quiet home. Weaving around furniture, making his way to her room with no hesitation. After all, he’d done his research. He’d studied his prey, admired the way she lived, and noting her habits. That was how Illumi had decided that this particular woman would be the next human to carry his young.

A process the demon had gone through many times before. After all, as a demon of his status, he was expected to secure his next generation. Yet, as he silently inched open the door of this woman, bringing into sight the body laying bonelessly in her bed, something warmer simmered in his gut. Something...softer than the cold, calculated emptiness he always had when breeding a woman. Something he shoved back down into the dark pits of his stomach with a swish of his tail before he climbed onto the bed to loom over the sleeping form of the woman he’d been stalking for those long weeks. His bottomless eyes drinking in every detail of her figure as if the room wasn’t merely lit by the meager streams of watery light from the curtained window.

That advantage allowed Illumi to note how the woman beneath him wasn’t dressed in the most modest of manners. Only a large, baggy shirt hiding the top part of her body from the eyes of any potential intruders, her legs completely bare save for the comforter tangled around her legs. So, what type of demon would Illumi be if he passed up the obvious invitation? So, he let his clawed hand slide over the soft skin of her belly, feeling her breathing against his palm until his fingertips reached the elastic edge of her panties.

The warmth of a human body always made the long-haired demon hum, despite the number of women he’d slept with in his many years haunting the human race. Yet, the allure of such a warm body was curbed each time by how long on the feeding chain humans were. A demon like me can’t afford to court such a fragile being. He reminded himself, I’m solely here to breed, that’s all she’s worth. But, at the same time, the sight of this woman laying on her back, so vulnerable, her hair a mess on her pillow, her face so peaceful...The inky-haired man couldn’t deny that something about her figure, or maybe the soft scent of her perfume stirred up a darker sensation within his chest.

Not that the man acknowledged it. He simply focused back in on his fingers as they ran along her clothed slit to tease out the slick arousal he needed for an easy penetration. Only for a soft whimper to slip from the woman’s lips.

A simple noise, Illumi had heard humans make plenty of lustful noises in their sleep before. However, this one, while quiet, hit him differently. Something about it had struck some deep, primitive part of Illumi’s brain and stirred up a slew of frivolous feelings in his gut. Feelings that got swiftly shoved back down into the depths of his soul. All he granted such stupid musings was a shake of his head before he forced himself to, once again, focus on the body beneath him. After all, the only emotion he allowed for such a fragile, mortal being was the arousal he felt trickle into his groin.

The human woman hadn’t woken up, though, she simply laid there, so helplessly. A hand laid limply beside her face, her breathing slow and deep. So, Illumi let out a slow breath, his tail coming forward to gently slice the sides of her underwear so the demon could gently pull them off to toss aside into the darkness of her room before adjusting himself over her. And, once he was lined up with her lightly drooling cunt, he pushed into her.

And, despite all of his experience deflowering humans, the warmth that constricted around him this time drew out a groan from the ravenette. His tail flicked as he froze, Illumi’s bottomless eyes back on the woman who sat caged in by his arms to study her peaceful face for any sign of disturbance.

Thankfully, the beautiful woman still hadn’t woken up, only resituated on the bed beneath Illumi. So, he slowly began to move. His initial thrusts gentle and shallow, his only goal, so far, slipping his cock further into the twitching warmth of her body. Yet, when soft moans began to trickle out of those soft lips, those gentle noises stirred up a fresh wave of animalistic desires. And this time, they weren’t as easy for Illumi to squash down.

Breed her, claim her. Breed her, claim her. A small, feral voice in his head chanted, gasoline to the fire of desire that licked at him from the inside. All mine, I need to make her mine. And, as if the mortal had somehow read the demon’s mind, her muscles squeezed his cock. A silent invitation, a dare, to simply plow into her. She’s mine, who cares if she wakes up? That voice continued, all the while, Illumi’s thrusts sped up from a cautious pace, to a deeper, quicker one that focused more on sating that lustful itch under the demon’s skin, than avoiding his partner waking.

Not that Illumi could be blamed, right? He had stumbled across some succubus, or temptress in his search for another mother of his children. After all, that was the only explanation for how dizzy the tight friction of her pussy left him. Illumi had snuck into the bed of countless human women, so for a woman’s sleepy moans to worm into his head and fill his brain with a fog of such a lewd nature, she couldn’t be human.

Yet, even those thoughts became a struggle for the inky-haired demon to grasp. With each schlick and slap of his cock diving back into his lover’s eager warmth and his hips meeting hers, his thoughts became fuzzier, Until, all that was left in his head was that primal chant of breed her, claim her. Breed her, claim her. Breed her, claim her. To slowly increase the all-encompassing need that pulsed through him and tighten the coil in his belly. And, when that spring finally snapped, all he could do was clench his jaws and wrap his tail around her plump thigh to squeeze and anchor him to her to ride out the onslaught of dizzying feelings.

Again, Illumi Zoldyck was no stranger to the thrill of orgasm, whether or not his human lovers climaxed was never a focus, but pumping them full of his own sperm was always the goal. After all, it was his duty as the eldest of his siblings to ensure he spread his seed as far as he could. Yet, again, there was something different about the monsoon that swept him up this time.

It simply felt stronger. The waves of bliss didn’t simply rock him, they all but tore him to bits. Dragging him into the depths of pleasure so deeply that his vision turned white. And, for the first time in...possibly ever, Illumi had to take a long few moments to recompose himself before he could finally pull out of the sleeping woman and get to his feet.

[theoddcatlady]

I Moved Into The Cat Lady’s House

I bought my very first house last month.  

I had to sit in my car for a few minutes, I was just in awe for a few minutes that this house was really mine. It was one of those things that I wanted since I was kid, as stupid as it is- my very own house. And I got it for a steal, the previous owner had just gone into hospice and her son just needed to get rid of it.  

Dylan was waiting for me when I got there, he was a really sweet guy who was just going through one of the roughest times a person can. He welcomed me in, offered to help me sort through the furniture to see what I was going to pitch and which I was going to keep- he wasn’t the sentimental type when it came to flower printed couches, apparently.

I had just laughed and was about to tell him yes when something large ran past my leg and raked its claws down my leg. I screeched, hopping up on a chair and pulling up my pant leg to assess the damage. That was one deep cut, and I looked over at that flower printed couch to see the furry culprit-

a gargantuan calico cat, with the most angry amber eyes and the meanest face I’d ever seen on a cat.  

“Goliath! That’s where you are!” Dylan attempted to reach for the cat, who just hissed at him and bolted down the hallway and I heard him zip up the stairs.  

“Goliath?” I questioned as I sat down on the chair I’d so carelessly leaped on.  

Dylan held up a finger before he went to the bathroom and brought me a wet rag to care for my ankle. Then he told me about Goliath.  

His mom had apparently always loved cats, but the accident that killed her husband also killed her three cats. Dylan, all sorts of messed up from the grief of losing his father, ended up pulling away from his mom and moved across country to go to college. By the time he sorted himself and returned home several years down the line, his mother had taken in the feral tom.  

“He’s always suspicious of strangers, but he’ll warm up to you soon enough. When you can get him calmed down, call me, I’ll take him to the shelter. I’d rather not have Goliath chew up animal control. Besides, he’s a good cat. He saved my mom, I think if he hadn’t shown up, my mom would’ve died from loneliness.”

I don’t know how anyone could be friends with that jackass tom. That night when I was about to go to bed, I found him again. Sitting on my bed. Staring at me with a murder glare.  

I sat down on the bed, the hair on my neck standing straight up as Goliath growled at me. “Stop that,” I shook my finger at the angry cat, “I thought male cats couldn’t be calico. Well, they can be, but apparently the few that are are typically infertile or have a bunch of other issues.”  

Almost as if he understood what I said, the hair on his neck went flat and he stopped growling, like I took the wind out of his sails. That made me snort, but I held firm. “Now, Dylan’s going to pick you up the moment he can, whether you like it or not. I don’t want a cat. Not now. Capiche?”  

Goliath responded by flicking his tail before grooming one of his front paws. I sighed and pulled myself under the covers, feeling a bit silly for talking to a cat. “Goodnight, Goliath,” I said.  

That first week was a nightmare. Other than that initial conversation before bedtime, Goliath spent all his time hiding under thing and waiting for the right moment to come out and bat his paws at me. My ankles and calves were covered in scratches. I complained about his guerrilla warfare to Dylan, and I think he was trying really hard not to laugh even as he offered his sympathies.  

It was irritating and I couldn’t wait for Goliath to take a damn chill pill so Dylan could send him to the shelter.

It was exactly one week after I moved in that I woke up to hear Goliath yowling.  

At first I thought he was just being pissy and this was his new attack on me. But as it carried on… I felt like he sounded sad. Just really sad. I ended up getting up and checking to see what was wrong. Goliath was sitting on the window sill in the living room, for a cat of his mass he was surprisingly agile. He continued to cry and my heart melted. Here I was, being all ticked at this cat, when no doubt he just missed his previous owner.  

I don’t know what possessed me to pick up Goliath and carry him to the couch for some much needed cuddle time, but he didn’t try to hurt me. I stroked his ears and softly told him he was okay, that all was going to be okay. Goliath just repeatedly headbutted me in the chest as his cries quieted, we both ended up falling asleep on the couch. My neck and back were killing me by morning, but Goliath was still asleep as I grabbed my phone off the sidetable where I’d left it charging the night before and I called Dylan.  

“Hey, Goliath’s stopped being so angry, I think now would be the time to take care of him,” I said, quietly as not to wake him up.

Dylan was quiet for a few seconds before I heard him take a deep, shuddering breath. “Yeah, um… I can’t. Not now… my mom went last night. Just passed away in her sleep. I’m sorry,” He said.

I looked down at the sleeping cat in my lap. “Oh, it’s fine. He can stay here then for a bit more. I’m so sorry.”  

He just ‘mmhmm’d’ before he hung up. I looked down at the slumbering Goliath and decided I was heading to the pet store after I showered. Whether I liked it or not, I now had a damn cat.  

I wondered if Goliath knew if he’d lost his owner, that he was mourning her last night.

Now I know he did.

There was another reason I got this house for as cheap as I did- about two years ago, there was a bunch of unsolved disappearances and murders in the area. Heck, the next door neighbors lost their three oldest kids to some sort of wild animal attack before they just vanished themselves. Creepy, but I’m not the kind of person who gives a shit about that sort of thing. So someone may have died on this street, big whoop, people die all the time.  

But Goliath was different. I think I always knew he was different. 

I talked with him all the time and he always seemed to be listening. I usually talked to him about how work was going, or what I was going to make for dinner or what was going on in the book I was reading. Sometimes we talked about more serious things, about my depression and how hard it made it to get up in the morning sometimes, about how I always wondered if moving out to this small town was really the right choice, how I really wanted to be a writer instead of an accountant but I lived comfortably because of accounting and I wouldn’t as a writer. Goliath was a great listener. Never said anything back, but he was a cat after all.

Last Saturday night though, someone broke into my house. I had fallen asleep on the couch watching Netflix, Goliath had just gone out the back cat door to do his night prowls, I was alone.  

I woke up when I heard someone going through something in the kitchen. My half asleep brain first thought it was Goliath just trying to get into the cat food, so I stumbled my way over there to tell his dumb ass to knock it off. Instead of an oversized house cat though, I saw a figure with a black ski mask holding one of my kitchen knives.

I tried to bolt back to the living room to get my phone but didn’t get too far when I felt something cold slice through my back and impale me through the shoulder. It’s not like I had a reference for what being stabbed felt like, I didn’t even realize I had been until I fell to my knees, barely able to even breathe much less scream.  

My attacked pulled the knife back out and I looked up, saw the glint of the blood covered blade preparing to make another strike. I couldn’t move. My dumb ass didn’t fight or run, I just laid there like a complete waste of space while the knife came down again… or it would’ve, if Goliath hadn’t pounced his arm and sunk his teeth right into his skin.

The guy shouted and shook the infuriated cat off, Goliath smacking into the kitchen cabinet before sinking to the ground. I scrambled as fast as I could to the hallway, blood dripping down my arm as I scrambled to get away.

The sound that came from Goliath as he got back to his feet- house cats don’t make that sound. Tigers, maybe.  

Goliath growled again, I felt the temperature of the room raise as cats just starting pouring into my house. Through the open window my attacker had probably come through, through the cat door, hell some even pawed their way up from the basement one way or another. They ignored me as they surrounded Goliath and the intruder.  

“What the fuck-”  

Goliath roared, his tail whipping back and forth as he paced around his prey. The guy gulped before looking down at me. “Call him off! Call your fucking demon cat off!”  

I coughed and shook my head. “He’s not mine,” I said before I began pulling my body down the hallway. I made it to my bedroom and heard my attacker screech in horror before I lost consciousness. I don’t know how long I was out, but I woke up to Goliath licking the wound on my back.  

I only saw what Goliath really was for a second. I’d seen tigers at the zoo smaller than he was, his black fur thick as a wolf’s and the orange patches now glowing like magma. Those fiery eyes flicked up at mine, I blinked, and he was back to being a normal- if not slightly oversized- housecat.  

I don’t know what he did to my back, but the stab wound’s gone. Just a scar now. I’d want to believe it was a dream, but although my kitchen was mostly clean, there was a few swaths of blood left under the table. And I now have like four other cats living in my house. One of them had the nerve to have its babies under my sink so I have to find homes for the fuzzy freeloaders.  

While I lounged in the living room, I saw one of them hack up what I think was a finger. It scarfed it back up before I got a good look. I turned and looked at Goliath, who was perched on the couch arm. “Just what the hell are you? Did that old lady who lived here before even know?”  

Goliath just looked at me, and I swore he winked before yawning and dragging his claws down my couch arm.  

At least I don’t have a body to clean up. And I’ll never need a guard dog with this asshole cat in my home.

[sir-klauz]

Newbies who've arrived on Genshin since it blew up/started trending complaining abt the cut scenes: Is there a way to tell a player is new here without them saying they're new here?

Seasoned veteran player here since the start, you just gotta babe. Not everyone wants to know about the lore or the characters, but that doesn't make it a Bad game.

I've recently seen people complaining about being bored, yet all they focus on these days is repeating the same domains, and commissions every single day then exhaust themselves and log out after focusing only on primos and using up resin without doing all of the many other things to do in the game.

If you play it for just primo farming, or the marketed method of playing (because yes, it is designed to also convince you to spend money), it's going to become boring.

I've been playing for about 2 and a half years, most days and I get a lot out of doing ALL KINDS of things, and I certainly don't spend all that much time forcing myself to burn out doing only domains and suchlike, I like cooking actually quite a lot!

There's Genius Invokation TCG, a card game, to play either against characters or friends in The Cats Tail.

There's world exploration.

Farming ingredients, low-key relaxing activities, and beautiful scenery as well as music to enjoy in different places you visit. You can collect CDs for your Serenitea Pot.

There's your teapot world designing, where you can build your own home and customise it with so many different items, furniture, plants, and you can even raise your own garden to make farming plants quicker.

There's mini games pretty much every event, and you can access most events now with Quick Start, which is only pretty recent. You think now is annoying. Back when we were at it for ages, you simply had to finish ur damn quests. 😭

Food shopping, quick pick ups around all the cities or secret vendors around Teyvat.

Random chatting to the NPC civilians is often missed out, but you can just have pleasant conversations with them and some random ones give you presents for interacting with them.

There's flying challenges.

Check out the blacksmith and make your own weapons instead of only the crystals constantly. It can be quite nice to know you collected stuff to forge your own weapon set even if they're not the strongest weapons.

There are SOOOO many different puzzle games in every corner of the world to tackle if you want something to really stimulate your brain, plenty of which are pretty hard if you find some too easy. This unlocks their own set of rewards after, but if you enjoy a good puzzle, check out the locations of some. There are plenty in Inazuma, that's for sure.

Feeling irate but too stressed to domain? Idk, go whack some trees in the forests and farm lots of wood for building furniture in your teapot! You can convert things in there as well if you have loads of a certain item hanging around you don’t use.

There's hidden achievements. You can take the time running around, or just Google their locations. Some are fun. But it takes a break from the usual daily grind. And that’s the point, it should just be a grind unless you want to grind out a lot of reruns etc.

They also introduced fishing. Fish is hard to come by or isn't, depending on how much you swim or where you spend a lot of your time in Teyvat. Fishing added the ability to rest and catch all kinds of variety of fish. You can collect certain types, certain bait, and build up your fishing kit. It's a fun pastime for some, and feeds you if not anything else!

There's secret locations, caves, islands, gorgeous discoveries to be had in difficult to reach places but it pays off, and if you truly into Adventuring, this could be a fun kick to try getting to these special areas.

Co-op mode can be used to socialise, role-play, and hang out or help your friends, but it doesn't have to ONLY mean grinding domains together just for stuff, over and over again and again. I think the monotony and boredom have come from everyone desperately farming ALL the time against their will so they can have the best weapons or get favourite characters, and they feel there's no time to do anything else, or they actually don't have time to do anything else after all that if they work etc.

Hell, sometimes I just Zone out swimming around in the gorgeous waters in random areas and look around. I think I've enjoyed the game for so long without it losing its spark, as I've just done whatever felt good, and it's a really wonderful game playing it without stress like that. If it’s boring, or a currently uninteresting task? I give it a miss this time.

I don't have the best kit by any means, but I have lots of cool characters I love anyway. But I play it for peace and an escape, pushing to do the stuff we are tbh sometimes rushed to do.

If anyone has any more interesting alternative things to do in Genshin Impact, please add!

[sidhewrites]

Chapter 10! We are once again making liberal use of the bracket method to keep writing momentum up. Also, I accidentally gave Kaz adhd whoops

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[Change time skip to a month so kaz has more time to get to know lucy and Josie has more time to be weirded out by ren but since she n kaz can’t stop fighting it means that things keep getting weird]

When Josie's schedule finally lines up with mine, another two weeks had gone by. Renfield, though perfectly healthy, was still acting off, so she was uncomfortable leaving him alone any longer than necessary. I don’t love going over there again, but if it means I can get rid of her stuff once and for all, then so be it. 

Josie’s apartment is an extension of her own sense of style. She’s painted the walls a deep violet, with black accents and old furniture she’s sourced from work. Incense and cat fur mix to give her place a distinctly unique scent. I used to hate it, but I also used to think cats are assholes who only want to bite you and murder things until Josie taught me that a cat wagging its tail means the opposite of a dog doing the same.

"Has the vet said anything new?" I ask as Josie lets me in the door. She steps back, giving me enough space to get into the front hallway. I force myself not to remember all the times I pressed her up against one of the walls and kissed her neck over the past year and a half, make myself think of the countless late nights arguing, the weeks of silence. Old habits die hard, and I'll bury them alive if I have to.

[conversation and transition]

Josie trails off, gaze drifting over my shoulder. I turn to see what she's looking at, and snort. Renfield had kicked his bed off the little table in front of the window, and stood on it now, raised up on his two hind legs. He seemed to be surveying the view, judging it, and finding it wanting.

"Aww, he looks like an old man."

"Don't," she pouts.I pull a face. "Get off my lawn right meow!"

[Transition]

Another week passes before I hear from Josie again. I'm in my apartment, doing my best to focus on homework when the siren call of social media is so close at hand. My attention is ruined entirely, however, when I feel the sting of seeing her name pop up in my notifications.

She sent me a text with more exclamation points then I have piercings. Tomorrow!!!! We're gonna be famous!!!!! Aaaaaa! She follows up with a link to an announcement on the Haunted Archivist's social media feed, reminding everyone that the video drops at 9pm EST.

I frown at the screen.

Another text comes in before I can respond: Let's watch it together. I'll get the projector set up and everything.

I feel sick. I'm about to put the phone on silent when a third message comes through.

Uh. Actually.

Thank god I don't have to break it to her. I don't have the patience for her accidental guilt tripping tonight.

Sorry. That's probably awkward to suggest. Maybe not...

But please watch it! You're in it, so you should see that part at least!

Yeah, Jose. Now that you mention it, it is really awkward to invite the person you used to date over to watch a video about the very thing we fight about constantly. I groan at the screen. She's going to start apologizing now, because she can't help it, and I'm going to get mean, and it'll just keep going around in circles.

Sorry, she texts again, because I haven't responded, which obviously means I'm angry at her. Which, I mean, I am, but it's just because she's doing this and I've lost patience for it over the years.

The texts keep coming in, and my phone buzzes and buzzes.

Just forget I said anything. That was really stupid of me. Maybe you should watch it with your new girlfriend?

I mean if you call her girlfriend. Sorry. I don't know if you guys have a label or not. It's not my place to judge, you seem to like her a lot, and I want you to be happy

I've had enough.

Shut up.

[They argue, until Kaz gives in and agrees to watch with Josie. Once they've agreed on plans:]

I throw the phone across the room.

I hate her. I hate myself for hating her. Josie has never been anything but kind to a fault, and it's not something she deserves to be hated for. She's probably crying now, too.

I hate myself for making her cry. I hate her for crying. I hate this whole damn thing.

I get up to retrieve my phone, and go get a pint of ice cream before going back to my homework. There's an exam at the end of the month, and I'm not about to let my grades slip any further than they usually do. Phan would kill me, or at least sigh at me which is just as bad. But my mind keeps drifting, first to Josie, then to Lucy, then to how stupid I'm being about this whole thing with Lucy. It still hurts to talk to her, but we also can't go more than twenty minutes without fighting no matter how hard we try to be civil. For every semester the past two years, we shared at least one class in our schedule, which meant I always had someone I could rely on to help me focus, or at least to loan me their notes when my mind inevitably wandered too far and I spent the whole hour thinking about god-knows-what.

It's good for both of us that we're sitting on opposite sides of the lecture hall now, but I can't help but feel the emptiness besides me, where our elbows used to bump against each other, where we'd tap our toes together in little secret acts of affection.

[Make the transition smoother so that she's basically venting to lucy who listens sympathetically that night and suggests maybe not talking to her again. Lucy is so understanding and sympathetic, and Kaz looks at her like she hung the moon.]

Something is gonna go wrong here, with this. With us. Whatever we are. I know it will, if only because I'm so steeped in self-loathing and doom to consider anything else.

[Transition]

But dawn is breaking. Lucy has to go. I don't even have work today, but I drag my sorry ass to a coffee shop anyway, and drown my sorrows in caffeinated sugar and scones.

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