#and Cass tends not to be mentally healthy

[farsight-the-char]

I don’t think Cass would use social media actually, or severely limit the amount of time she spent on it, plus use heavy filters/blacklists.

I think Cass would go “Doomscrolling” mode easily?

Like, this is a woman who tried to intervene in an execution after learning about it, now imagine her learning about dozens, hundreds, of such things across the globe.

After a certain point, I think she and Barbara would work out a system of how Cass can safely navigate social media, or avoid it all together.

Not purposeful ignorance, more limiting the amount of depressing info absorbed.

[whereflowersbloom]

Hypermarket adventure

When Tim Drake woke up that morning he had no idea he would have to buy a new coffee maker because the one they had was unusually broken. Damian Wayne. Tim massaged his temples, exhaustion sinking deep in his bones, and wonders how long it's been since he had more than four hours of sleep. Damian was responsible for this, one of his secret schemes to make him stop consuming caffeine. Tim was sure it was his fault, so the broken coffee maker refused to give him the fluid of life and he had lost it...and maybe Tim destroyed it with vicious vengeance. In his defense, he had been up for more than twenty hours, before taking a nap of two hours. Sleep later coffee first.

So naturally he announced to Alfred he would be making a quick trip to the store to get a new one, politely asked the British man if he required anything from the store. Alfred seemed to consider the offer for a solid minute before asking him if he could get some groceries and essentials on his way back home. Handing him a list. Before he walked out of the manor Dick volunteered affably to accompany him, convincing a grumpy Jason, who was comfortably sitting, reading a wrinkled newspaper to tag along. Jason surprisingly agreed, with the condition he was the one driving. Alfred rapidly suggested to take the demon spawn with them, he could use some frest air. Now things could only go downhill from this point. This piqued Steph’s interest, who casually commented she had nothing better to do. Soon they were on their way to the closest hypermarket.

Dick was there to make sure Damian didn’t behead anyone and get enough boxes of cereal he could hide before Alfred looked at him with disappointed eyes. There’s nothing worse in this world than Alfred’s disappointed eyes. The old man claimed ‘It’s not a proper meal or healthy if it contained high levels of sugar’, but the companies also tended to fill them with vitamins, calcium, iron and folic acid. Therefore it was a fortified food! It had everything he needed for a balanced meal in Dick’s opinion. The extra sugar was even good for him considering how many calories he burned.

“The sword stays in the car, Damian.” Dick commanded, taking away the blade from twelves earth-old before he sets a foot out of the automobile, which was responded by a low ‘TT’.

“Did we really have to bring shortstack?” Jason complained, voice etched with irritation, index finger pointing at Damian.

“As if I would agree to lower my nutritional standards because you fools failed to purchase the provisions Pennyworth demanded which is why I have it in my power.” Damian logically explained, grinding his teeth and waving the list at Jason. Tim rolled his eyes, focus on the reward, coffee, he mentally told himself.

“Don’t stab anyone.” Dick ordered with authority.

“I make no promises, Grayson.” Damian muttered dryly crossing his arms over his chest.

Damian cannot comprehend why would Pennyworth think he was needed to carry out such a simple task, he supposed if his siblings lacked the basic function acquire the list of edibles Alfred gave them and simultaneously behave in public, then he could supervise them. He was already here, nothing to do about it.

“Did anyone asked Cass if she needed anything?” Dick questioned them, clear blue eyes looking at them expectantly. Cass was probably still in her bedroom resting, after staying up with him analyzing some cases.

“Oh how thoughtful of you. You weren’t that nice to me, not even after I died.” Jason commented, his voice dripping with sarcasm and bitterness.

“Jay, you gotta stop bringing it up.” Dick reasoned as he placed a hand upon Jason’s shoulder, offering a small apologetic smile.

For once, Damian was quiet, observing the older brothers bicker over such a insignificant matter. Stephanie stifled a snort at their immature antics. A muffled ‘crybaby’ escaped her mouth, but only Tim, standing next to her was able to hear it.

It took everything Tim had not to roll his eyes and simply walk away. Why was he here with these troublemakers? Right. Coffee. The things he had to endure for a cup of black coffee.

“I texted Cass. She wants pop tarts.” Stephanie supplied, eye glued to the screen of her phone.

“If you get lost. I’m leaving you here, losers.” Jason threatened with narrowed eyes, a faint glow in his blue-green eyes. Five minutes after parking the car, the siblings marched inside the hypermarket. Tim sighed wearily, silent calculations running through his mind, how long it would take them to leave the store with the groceries

~~~

Jason Todd was ready to shoot Dick Grayson if only he had a gun between his hands. Why the fuck did he even agree to come with these lil shits? Clearly, he wasn’t in his right mind. He was doing this for Alfred and Jason could never say no to Alfred. It was an easy task: read the list of essentials Alfred wrote down, grab the items, deposit them inside the fucking cart and pay for them. Piece of cake. But here he was in the middle of dairy aisle, listening to Dick asking him all sort of stupid questions. His patience dangerously wearing thin.

“Why is milk five dollars a gallon?” Dick exclaimed with shock as he examined the dairy product’s label.

“Who cares? You’re rich, money shouldn’t be a problem, dickhead.” Jason replied annoyed, there goes ten minutes of his life, stuck in the dairy aisle with this enthusiastic fool. Where did Damian and Steph go? Dick had thrown several boxes of cereal inside the cart, including: Cheerios and Waffle crisps, the latter was Steph’s petition. Who in the bloody hell needed fifteen boxes of cereal? Wait a minute, is that coffee flakes? That one had to be Tim’s idea.

“How do you exactly milk an almond though?” Dick asked with furrowed Brows, concentrated on the product, as If he was trying to decipher a secret code.

The desperation and bewilderment in Dick’s voice made a Jason raise an eyebrow. He would kill for a quick smoke. Not like he was seriously considering smoking inside the store. He could wait a few more minutes.

“I’ll explain out to you when you finally become a functional adult.” Jason Breathed.

“Who wants bacon?” Stephanie came out of nowhere, asking with a juvenile glee in her eyes.

Hopefully I can finish this oneshot today 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[nerdzzone]

Light After Dark: Chapter Five

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

A/N: Any names or info about Henry’s family is completely made up and all the gifs I found on google (feel free to contact me for credit if they’re yours!). I would love to hear any feedback on the story so far! :)

______________

May. 5. 2020

"Mum!" I shouted from the kitchen as I admired my creation on the counter. "Where exactly do the Cavills live?"

I heard brief footsteps before my mother's head popped into the kitchen.

"Oh, wow, Brookie," She gasped. "That looks incredible!"

I grinned proudly at the beautiful cake on the counter. It was three tiered and designed to look like Superman. The top being his head, the middle being his torso and the bottom being his bottom half. Complete with cape, curl on his forehead and Superman logo all made out of fondant icing.

"Thank you. Do you think I could walk it over or would I need to take the car?"

"Hm, walking might be safest," She mused as she grabbed her phone off the counter to take a picture. "It's not far and I can come with you if you don't mind. I wouldn't mind saying hello to Marianne."

"That would be great. I'd feel better having someone else to help support it."

"Perfect!" She nodded. "Honestly, darling, this is magnificent. The detail is amazing."

"Thanks," I smiled. "I just need to change quickly and we can go."

She didn't answer as she was so wrapped up in photographing my work so I scurried off up to my room, buzzing with excitement.

****

May was always a tricky time for choosing how to dress. It wasn't overly warm, only about fifteen degrees, but the cool weather we'd had the week before made it seem a lot warmer than it actually was. Carrying the cake would be tricky and I didn't want to show up to Henry's house all sweaty and gross, but I also didn't want to show up dressed for the middle of summer and have him think I was insane.

I groaned as I tossed another shirt disapprovingly onto my bed and heard a giggle from the door.

"Are you struggling?" Cassie teased as she moved into the room and sat on the bed. "It looks like a hurricane has been through here."

"I don't know what to wear," I whined. "I've not seen him in person since we've started talking, I want to make a good impression."

"You're just dropping off a cake, Brooke, you're not even going on a date."

Her statement was intended to calm me down and take the pressure off a bit, but it did the opposite. My cheeks heated up and I suddenly felt incredibly silly.

"I know," I bit my lip as nervous anxiety bubbled in my chest. "I'm blowing it out of proportion, aren't I?"

"A little bit," She nodded. "It's nothing to stress about, hun."

"Was I stupid for making the cake at all?" I asked, "Is it too much?"

"What?" Cassie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why on earth would it be too much? That wasn't what I meant at all. I just meant that you don't need to get yourself all worked up over something silly like what to wear."

"It's just weird," I groaned, dragging myself away from my closet to sit on the bed next to her. "We've been talking for almost a month now, but it's hard to figure out where we stand when we can't actually see each other in person. I don't want to overstep if maybe I've read the signals wrong."

"Okay, well, first of all, he asked you to make him a cake so even if he only asked you because he knows you're a baker and he wants a really nice birthday cake then you're still not overstepping," She reminded me. "And second of all, I've seen your conversations. He likes you. He'll be just as excited to see you again as you are to see him."

"Do you think so? I mean, I think we're flirting, but I'm notoriously bad at reading the signs and he's fucking Superman for god's sake, why would he want to flirt with me?"

"Because you, my darling sister, are hot," Cassie smirked. "And you're funny and sweet and thoughtful. You're a total catch and even if he is Superman, he's the lucky one in this equation."

I couldn't help, but smile at her kind words, knowing she meant every one of them.

"Thanks Cass," I said softly, feeling some of the nerves in my stomach dissipate slightly. "I just don't want to get ahead of myself. It's fun talking to him, but it's hard when you can't actually meet face to face."

"Well, from all the giggling that comes out of this room when you're talking to him on the phone, I would say that you have nothing to worry about," She assured me before standing from my bed and heading to my closet. "Now, let's find you something to wear."

By the time Cassie was done styling me I was wearing a long black sleeve shirt under short style overalls. It was a good mix of warm, but cool for a sunny spring day.

"Are you sure I don't look like I'm dressed up as a farm girl?"

Cassie giggled at my question, but shook her head.

"No, you look adorable," She insisted. "And it shows off your legs. You have great legs."

I looked down at them in the mirror and thought they looked pretty average, but I took her word for it, thanked her and headed back downstairs to meet my mum.

"I thought you said 'quickly'," She scoffed as I walked back into the room. "You've been gone almost half an hour."

"That is quick when you're getting ready to see the man you've fallen in love with."

I spun around to scowl at my dad who'd appeared by the kitchen door.

"I'm not in love with him," I argued. "We're just friends."

"Quite the extravagant cake to make for a friend," He teased. "You've never made me anything like this."

"I make things for you all the time," I mumbled, letting my hair fall in front of my face to hide my red cheeks. "Just because I'm living at home again doesn't mean you need to tease me like I'm fifteen."

"You just make it too easy, Sweetheart," He grinned. "But I'm sure your boyfriend will love his cake."

I groaned as my mom smiled and scolded her husband on my behalf.

"Alright, we should get going," She told me. "If we leave it much longer we'll catch them in the middle of their supper."

She was being dramatic, it hadn't taken me that long to get changed, but I nodded and slipped my phone into my back pocket before gently lifting the cake off the counter.

****

The walk over was slow going. It should have only taken maybe ten minutes to get to the Cavill's house, but I was so terrified of dropping the cake that it took almost twice as long. Focusing on that was a good distraction though and by the time I was placing the cake stand on their doormat I felt less nervous and more excited for him to see it.

Once it was safely placed on the ground, I knocked loudly on the door and scurried back to where my mom was waiting on the other side of the porch, six feet away.

"I hope he's the one who answers the door," I thought, voicing it out loud to my mother. "Or someone might end up very confused."

She laughed quietly beside me as the door swung open and Henry was standing there only a few feet away. They say that you tend to build things up in your mind when you go without it for a while so there was part of me that had thought there was no way Henry was as handsome in person as I remembered. But he was.

My breath caught in my throat for a minute as he glanced down at the cake and then up at me with an ear to ear grin on his face.

"Happy birthday!"

"Wow, thank you so much," He chuckled. "I didn't think you'd actually make me a cake."

I dropped my jaw in an exaggerated way before rolling my eyes.

"You absolutely did," I insisted. "I was worried if we didn't get it here soon you'd come looking for it. You've mentioned it almost every day."

"Alright, I did," Henry admitted with a smirk as he picked up the cake. "But, wow, this is next level. It's amazing!"

All the commotion had drawn a crowd to the door that came into view as Henry moved the cake to a little table on the porch and set it down.

"Sue! Hello!" A woman called as she made her way outside. She was around my mother's age so I assumed she was Henry's mum. "How lovely to see you!"

"Oh, it's lovely to see you too!" My mum smiled. "Brooke said she could use some help carrying this cake over so I jumped at the chance. Isn't it awful being cooped up at home all the time?"

"Gosh, it's just terrible."

"Mum," Henry called, interrupting the little reunion as he lifted up the dome I'd used to protect the cake. "Look how amazing this is."

There was a chorus of 'wows', impressed gasps and various other praise and I felt my cheeks go red from the attention.

"Did you make this all from scratch?" Henry asked as a curly mass of brown hair flew through the door and over to the table. "Whoa, careful Alfie, don't knock it down."

Henry grabbed the boy, who looked to be about eight, gently by the shoulders to stop him from getting too close as he stared at it wide-eyed.

"That's so cool," He whispered in awe. "It looks like Superman!"

"It looks like Uncle Henry!" Another, slightly younger, boy shouted as he scurried over as well. "When Uncle Henry's in the movies!"

"I'm glad you think so! I tried my best to make it look like him," I smiled, drawing their attention away from the cake and towards me. "And yes, I did make it all from scratch. But I did wear a mask and gloves the whole time and I thoroughly sanitized the kitchen before I started so it's completely germ free. Not that I have any germs to pass on, I promise."

"What a strange time we're living in that you have to provide such a disclaimer when giving your friend a cake."

That observation came from an amused woman standing in the doorway and, as if he read my mind, Henry spoke up.

"Sorry, I should do some introductions," He realized. "Brooke, this is my mother and Father. My brother, Simon, and his wife, Louise, and their three kids, Alfie, George, and Amelia. Everyone, this is Brooke and her mother."

My mother spoke up before I did, informing him that she'd met them all before at one time or another, but once she was done I offered an awkward wave.

"Hello, everyone! It's nice to meet you all."

"I can't believe that after my brother almost broke your ankle, you made him a birthday cake," Simon smirked as he balanced his daughter on his hip. "It's not poisoned, is it?”

I giggled as Henry rolled his eyes.

"It was just as much my fault as his," I insisted. "It's just unfortunate for me that he's as solid as a brick wall."

"Sometimes those muscles do more harm than good," His mum smiled fondly, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Now, who wants cake? You'll stay for some, won't you?"

My mother leapt in before I could answer.

"Oh, that would be wonderful!”

There was a flurry of commotion as Marianne rushed off to get plates and the kids immediately started arguing over which piece of cake they wanted. I heard Henry softly clear his throat and, when he caught my eye, he nodded his head to the side. He didn't wait for me before sneaking off quietly down the stairs and I followed, but not before catching the knowing look my mother was throwing at me.

"Be careful," She warned quietly. "We're still in a pandemic and you're still vulnerable."

"I know," I assured her, biting back the urge to remind her that I wasn't a child and could look after myself. "I won't be long."

I rushed off after Henry before she could give me anymore advice or we caught anymore attention.

****

I found Henry just around the side of the house standing in quite a spectacular garden.

"Happy Birthday," I repeated with a smile, alerting him to my presence as I walked closer until I was the appropriate distance away. "Are you having a nice day?"

"I am, thank you," Henry returned my smile. "It's been as relaxing as can be expected in a house full of children, but it's been nice seeing them all try to make my day special. Until you came and upstaged everyone."

He playfully shook his head at me and I felt the nervousness fade away. He may be drop dead gorgeous, but he was the same Henry I'd been messaging.

"I didn't mean to," I insisted with a laugh. "You wouldn't shut up about the cake so I had to make it something special!"

Henry chuckled at that.

"Seriously though, I really appreciate it. Thank you very much," He grinned at me, making my cheeks heat up at his praise. "It must have taken you hours."

"It took all morning," I nodded with a smile, not admitting that I got up at just after six am to make sure I had enough time. "But it was really enjoyable actually. I haven't felt much motivation to bake fun things so it was nice having an excuse to get back into it."

"Oh, well then you're welcome."

His words were said with a smirk that made me roll my eyes, shaking my head, but just as I was about to tell him to be quiet a massive black and white ball of fur came bounding around the corner from the back of the house.

"Oh my gosh," I gasped. "Is this Cow?!"

Henry barked a laugh at that as the big dog ran around both of us in circles, his tail wagging at top speed.

"It's Kal," Henry corrected. "But yes, this is my dog. He's probably incredibly thrilled that he's getting to meet a new person for the first time in months."

I smiled and squatted down to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Awe, well, I know we're supposed to keep our distance from people's pets now too, but how could I resist you?" I cooed to the dog who danced in place while licking my face. "My goodness, you're the sweetest thing I've ever seen!"

"He is pretty great," Henry agreed, a hint of pride in his voice, but after a few more moments of me fussing over his companion he spoke again. "You know, I've always liked how Kal stole the attention away from me, but I think this might be the first time it's actually making me a tad bit jealous."

My head snapped up in his direction, worrying for just a moment that I'd actually upset him, but the soft smile on his face put me at ease. Nevertheless, I stood up, much to Kal's dismay.

"Wow, Henry, that's pretty self-centered," I teased. "I know it's your birthday, but that doesn't mean the attention needs to be on you every minute of the day."

"It doesn't? I was under the impression that was exactly what it meant."

"Nope," I shook my head. "It just means that you're one step closer to those senior discounts."

"Oh, please," Henry rolled his eyes. "Thirty-seven is really not that old."

"I was debating getting you a walking stick to go with the cake," I teased. "You know, because you might need it any day now."

Henry glared at me for a moment, but it quickly melted into a laugh.

"If I'm days away from needing a walking stick with these muscles," He paused briefly to flex his biceps which, despite making my breath catch in my throat at their size, earned an amused shake of my head. "You must already be a cripple with those weak ankles of yours."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you just did that," I laughed. "Trying to impress me again, are you?"

"I don't have to try," Henry smirked. "I can tell you're impressed."

I opened my mouth to protest, but resigned myself to a simple shrug as I crossed my arms.

"Well, yeah, okay, of course I'm impressed," I admitted with a smile. "You're sculpted like a Greek god."

"It really is mostly for practical reasons,"  He informed me, his usual humble side returning as he scratched Kal's head. "You can't wave swords around for hours without hurting yourself if you're not strong."

I cocked my head to the side suspiciously.

"I don't remember Superman using a sword."

"He didn't, but there was a lot of dangerous stunt work and did you see the suit they made me squeeze into? I had to be in top shape or it wouldn't have fit."

"Alright, that's fair," I nodded before a realization hit me. "Oh my gosh, do you even eat cake?"

Henry stared at me blankly for a moment before laughing.

"On my birthday? Of course I do!" He nodded. "I do try to keep a pretty healthy diet, but on holidays or special occasions I don't restrict myself too much."

"Thank goodness," I breathed a sigh of relief. "For a moment there I was panicking that I should have made you some kind of healthy protein cake creation instead."

He pulled a face at that suggestion, making me giggle at his over the top look of horror.

"If you're going to do cake, you have to do it right!"

"I'm glad you think so," I smiled. "Because there is a lot of sugar in that icing. It's probably about a thousand calories a slice."

I was being a bit dramatic, but it earned a full body laugh from Henry and I felt a warming in my chest at the sight. He was such a lovely person to be around. Lovely might seem like a boring description, but it fit him perfectly. He was genuine, funny, easy to tease and quick to tease back. He was constantly impressing me with how down to earth he was and he had a very calming presence that made all my anxiety melt away. He made me feel lighter.

He asked a few questions about how often I made such fancy cakes, about the different techniques involved and how I'd come up with the idea and for the first time in a few months it actually felt good to talk about my baking. I'd been really crushed by my failed attempt at opening a bakery. Sure, it wasn't really a sign of my skill or business management abilities, but opening a bakery just for it to be permanently closed a few months later was pretty defeating. It had left a bad taste in mouth in regards to baking anything that wasn't practical food.

We got lost in our conversation only pausing when a deep 'boof' came from the dog that had been circling us. He was staring in the direction of the gate so we followed his gaze and saw Henry's tiny little niece toddling towards us. A grin burst onto Henry's face, making my heart melt just a little bit.

"Hi, sweetheart," He cooed as she came over before lifting her arms to be picked up. Henry did so happily, resting her on his hip. "Did you enjoy the cake? It sure looks like you did!"

I laughed as he wiped some of the icing off of her cheek. It was all over her face as she smiled up at him and nodded. She shyly told him that it was yummy, eyeing me suspiciously the whole time.

"This is my friend, Brooke," Henry told her. "She made that cake for me. Can you say thank you?"

"Thank you..."

She still seemed wary, but I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.

"You're very welcome!" I told her. "Now, I can't remember what your Uncle Henry said your name was, can you remind me?"

"Amelia."

"It's lovely to meet you, Amelia!"

As I spoke, her mother appeared at the gate, relaxing in obvious relief when she saw Amelia in Henry's arms. She shouted over asking if we were okay with her, but Henry waved her off before turning his attention back to the child.

"Can you tell Brooke how old you are?"

She held up two chubby little fingers and I held back an 'awwe' at the sight.

"Two? Wow. Uncle Henry must seem pretty old to you then," I teased him earning a roll of his eyes when she wasn't looking. "He's thirty-seven!"

"Well, she is almost three," Henry clarified. "So she's almost as old as me really."

"No!" Amelia protested, disgust written all over her face. "I'm little!"

"You're little?" Henry gasped in mock shock. "Weren't you just telling me the other day that you're a big girl now?"

She shook her head insistently and I laughed at the pair of them.

"Don't worry, Amelia. He keeps trying to say that I'm as old as him too and I'm six whole years younger."

She giggled at that and looked up at Henry before scrunching her nose.

"You're old."

"Thanks for that," Henry laughed, shaking his head in my direction. "I'm not old, Amelia. Don't listen to her."

He tickled her tummy making her squirm and giggle in his arms. It would have been almost impossible not to laugh along with her, but once she got herself under control her face got very serious as she leaned in to whisper something in her uncle's ear.

"Oh, I'm not sure that will be possible," Henry chuckled earning a very over the top, but heart-wrenching pout from his niece. "Your birthday is a long way off, we might not all be here together by then."

From what he said, I had a rough idea of her request, but I gave Henry a questioning look, prompting him to elaborate.

"She wants to know if you would make her a birthday cake on her birthday."

"Oh, honey, I would love to make you a cake if you're still here on your birthday," I smiled. "When is it?"

She mumbled something incoherent as she rested her head on Henry's shoulder so I turned to him again for clarification.

"July twenty-ninth."

"My birthday is on August fourth," I told her. "That's pretty close together, hey? Maybe I can make a giant cake for both of us!"

Her eyes lit up at that suggestion.

"A fairy princess one?"

"Is that what you would like?" I asked as she nodded frantically. "Then it's a deal. If we're still here on you birthday, I’ll make us a giant fairy princess cake to share."

She grinned at that information and wiggled to be put down before running off through the gate under Henry's watchful eye, presumably to tell her parents the exciting news.

"What a sweetheart," I smiled. "She's adorable."

"She is and she knows it," Henry chuckled. "But she's quite quiet and calm so she tends to get overshadowed by her brothers who have an endless amount of energy. It's been hard for them having to stay home so much so they end up with most of the attention because if they're left to their own devices someone usually gets hurt."

"It must be hard not being able to go to the park and burn off all that energy."

"Exactly," Henry nodded. "But luckily the garden is fairly big so there's a lot of football and playing chase with Kal, anything that lets them blow off some steam, but Amelia doesn't like those things so I've been trying to spend some time with her too. She loves reading so we've been doing a lot of that while the boys wreck havoc."

"That's very sweet," I smiled as my heart fluttered at the thought of the giant, muscled man in front of me sitting with his tiny niece curled up in his lap as he read to her. "She must love that."

"She does and really, I do too," Henry admitted. "Don't get me wrong, I love running around with the boys, but it's nice to have those quiet moments too. It's one positive thing that's come out of this whole mess, getting to really bond with them all."

"I've felt the same with my niece," I nodded. "She's probably about the same age as Alfie and I always made an effort to see her as much as possible, but it's nice to have an excuse to be around all the time and really get to know her little personality."

"It is and honestly, I can't wait to have a family of my own," He confessed with a sheepish smile. "So it's nice to get some practice in."

A smirk slid onto my face.

"Well, after seeing you with Amelia, I'm sure you'll be a super dad."

Henry shook his head at me and sighed dramatically, but despite his incredible acting skills, he couldn't help, but laugh.

"You're hilarious," He told me, his words dripping with sarcasm as I grinned proudly at my joke. "Always have a pun ready to go, don't you?"

"They just come to me," I giggled. "It's a gift."

"If you weren't such a good baker, I'd suggest you do stand up comedy."

His words were once again laced with sarcasm, but I just smirked.

"Maybe I'll do both," I shrugged. "Maybe that was part of my downfall, there wasn't enough comedy to go along with the pastries. I should have set up an open mic."

"Ah, yes, because it's well-known that the British just love the awkwardness of amateur comedians."

"True, that might be a bit too cringey," I admitted with a wrinkle of my nose. "But I could have at least come up with some clever, play-on-word names for everything. What a missed opportunity."

"It was, especially for someone as clearly multi-talented as you."

I couldn't help, but laugh at his flat delivery, but quickly forced it into a glare.

"Alright, that's enough sarcasm out of you," I playfully scolded him. "We both know that I'm at least funnier than you and really, that's all that counts."

"I think we both actually know that it's the other way around," Henry raised an eyebrow. "Or was that another one of your jokes?"

I shook my head at his teasing, but before I could argue, Henry's brother shouted over to us.

"Henry! Brooke! If you want some cake, come get it now before George eats it all!"

A tiny voice shouted his protests at being blamed as Henry and I laughed.

"Well, it sounds like we should get back before I don't even get to try my own cake," Henry chuckled. "But thank you, Brooke. All jokes aside, I really appreciate that you put so much effort in to making me that cake."

"Don't worry about it," I assured him, feeling my stomach flutter at the genuine kindness in his eyes. "Just because we're all in lockdown, doesn't mean that you can't have a nice day. I'm glad I got to help make that happen."

Henry smiled and nodded understandingly before walking past me towards the gate. We'd stayed pretty much six feet apart the whole time we'd been talking, but he broke the rule as he walked by, brushing his hand just briefly against mine. It was subtle and fleeting, but his pinky wrapped around mine and squeezed gently.

He didn't even stop walking so as fast as it happened, it was over. Perhaps I was just feeling rather touch starved from not being near anyone but my family since our last meeting, but the brief connection left me buzzing. I'd always assumed the novels and movies that describe the electric sensation when two people touch were being dramatic, but it suddenly seemed very real. My skin felt like it was on fire and it was suddenly like my mind had gone completely blank of anything that wasn't how soft his skin felt.

Kal broke me out of my trance with a lick to my hand and I took a deep breath to get myself back down to earth. I thought to myself how embarrassing it would have been for Henry to see what an effect his simple action had on me, but when I looked up and saw him standing by the gate with a smirk on his face I was pretty sure that he was very much aware.

[bat-lings]

Opinion on Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne relationship as a father-son?

ALRIGHT the human rambling disaster that I am struck again

Jump to the conclusion if it’s too long!

It’s just really hard discussing anything about Jason without acknowledging the sheer mess that DC’s whims made of him. To take that inconsistency into account let’s consider his relationship with Bruce from three angles:

Before Jason’s death / during his Robin days as portrayed before Starlin;

Before Jason’s death / during his Robin days as portrayed since Starlin and up until Jason’s resurrection, through mentions & flashbacks;

Post-resurrection.

Sadly enough the first era is the only one that bothers to portray a father-son dynamic with enough content to have a real opinion on, but I’ll take what I have. And what we have then is pretty great.

Jason’s Robin days

We’re in the 80’s, and Jason & Bruce’s relationship is the most ridiculously pure thing to have graced our poor souls. It’s soft and good.

They have great interactions, a real proximity, and overall bring a lot into each other’s life. Alfred and Bruce are happy to have another kid at home, and Jason is as much in need of guidance & of a family as any other kid. Jason doubts himself a lot and Bruce does his best to reassure him. He’s also is a teasing little shit and that’s great.

[Batman #377 || Detective Comics #579]

[Detective Comics (1937) #573]

JASON YOU’RE TOO CUTE. Also the tired dad feel is strong in that one lmao. Jay, lad, my son, my life,, what have you done to the newspaper,,,,

Ahem right, less gushing more commenting.

As you can see, Jason and Bruce’s relationship before his death/resurrection is pretty peachy. The slice of life sequences strengthen their father-son bond into the reader’s mind. We’re shown they’re father and son rather than just told so.

At some point Bruce’s custody of Jason is temporarily threatened, and that arc is a vivid telling of how strong their bond is.

[Detective Comics #542 || Batman (1940) #377]

Just. That whole speech. “Only Jason is real.” Definitely one of my favorite papa-bat moments.

And as Robin? Jason is clever, often brings valuable insight during cases, and respects Bruce’s teaching and authority. Bruce makes a good job at addressing Jason’s insecurities and guiding him, both through his training and by honing his moral compass.

(Note that I said honing, ‘cause Jay’s moral sense is very much present well before he meets Bruce. He was cool with stealing to survive but Ma Gunn’s school was too much for him.)

He’s initially nothing like the violent angry kid he’s now known as. Pre-Starlin, the only times Jason acts brashly is when confronted with his father’s killer. When Bruce addresses the matter, it’s not about blaming or judging him. ‘Cause he gets it, but it’s also his job to make sure Jason’s not compromised.

[Detective Comics #580 & 581]

And when Jason promises to keep himself in check, it’s all it takes for Bruce to take him back on the case. That’s how much he trusts him. Read the end of the issue and see how Jason proves himself worthy of that trust.

Not only does Jason understand Bruce as much as Bruce understands him, but he’s very perceptive in general. He tends to be straightforward with what’s on his mind… at least when it comes to calling out Bruce lol

[Detective Comics #579]

(They’re talking about Leslie on the last one btw. She was Bruce’s surrogate mom after his parents’ death and they have a great dynamic. Another pearl straight outta the 80′s!)

They get each other, they trust each other, they respect each other. Honestly Bruce’s relationship with Jason was the most healthy he’s had with any of his kids.

We can kiss all of that goodbye after Starlin has his way with Jason. And since Starlin’s “““characterization””” is the one that crossed the years, of all things, we can consider Jason’s initial portrayal pretty much retconed— and his relationship with Bruce with it. Shame, huh?

Of Flashbacks and Victim-Blaming Robin days, 2.0

From the 90’s to the reboot there is… few material about Jason’s relationship with Bruce. Or about Jason outside of his death/Robin.

Whether Jason is mentioned or appears in a flashback, the goal isn’t to recall a father-son relationship. It’s to drive through the point that Jason was reckless and violent. That new portrayal has its predictable impact on their relationship, and that’s pretty much all there is to say.

[Gotham Knights #43]

Obviously Bruce doesn’t trust Jason, since Jason is now a “reckless angry kid who likes to inflict pain on criminals”. Beatty delivers cool stories, but if you read that arc you’ll see that he lies it very thick when it comes to victim-blaming Jason.

Depending which writer/comic book you’re reading, it’s implied or affirmed that Jason is Bruce’s son. You’ll probably have a line about Bruce’s unending guilt, or Jason’s (*sigh*) recklessness. Mostly Jason’s a cautionary tale addressed to either Tim (who never gave much of a shit about Jason btw) or Cass (Batgirl #7 is a rare instance where it’s done without victim-blaming because Pucket is da bomb).

But there’s legit no material about Jason’s childhood in the Manor, or how him and Bruce acted around one another, what they talked about, Jason’s personality aside of “angry”, how Bruce addressed his son’s self-doubts – oh right modern!Jason is an arrogant brat who claimed the Robin mantle for himself so that’s out.

DC rolled with Starlin’s portrayal, and didn’t bother to construct anything else between Jay & Bruce to replace the parts they chose to erase.

[Batman (1940) #645]

The point is: Jason and Bruce’s father-son relationship before Jason’s death is barely spoken of. We don’t know shit about how Jason was as a kid. Bruce loved him but didn’t trust him since his “mean streak” made him sooo dangerous and unmanageable. That’s it. Jason is the bad Robin first, the dead Robin second, and Bruce’s son last.

Resurrection and onward

Jason and Bruce’s relationship post-resurrection is complicated, for obvious reasons, and has interesting potential. My main problem with it is that it’s seldom addressed after Jason makes his dramatic return in UtH & the arc is closed.

For all that I have a love-hate relationship with Winick’s writing, and for all that I don’t like everything he’s done with Jason, his narrative is mostly coherent (and a good read overall!).

Winick doesn’t talk outward about Jason and Bruce’s bond before Jason’s death, but enough is implied. Jason’s damaged psyche centers around Bruce and what wrongs Jason considers to have suffered from him. He reorganizes his entire identity and actions around Bruce.

It’s not only consistent with Jason’s mental health at this stage, it’s telling of Bruce’s importance for him. The same way Bruce must have been his world after he took him out of the streets, Bruce is still very much his world when Jason is on a vengeance frenzy.

Killing Bruce, taking revenge against Bruce, making a point to Bruce; everything is about Bruce. It’s the whole “the opposite of love is apathy not hate” thing. DC could’ve expanded on that and made it evolve into whatever, but they just, y’know. didn’t.

[Batman (1940) #650]

I like Under the Hood and Lost Days well enough except for the Jason/Talia ugh. Problem is, DC obviously had no idea what to do with Jason after that, so his relationship with Bruce stays at a status quo.

Post-resurrection Jason isn’t so much estranged family than an antagonist who makes some cool appearances here and there— when they’re not so terribly written that they make me cringe.

There are some other interesting things here and there, giving depth to Jason’s estrangement from Bruce & the batfam…

[Green Arrow (2001) #72]

… but those elements are few and far between, and fail to establish a solid construction/development of any kind between Jason and Bruce. UtH!Jason put on some interesting bases but afterwards? Jason as a character is stagnating, and so is his relationship with any member of the batfam.

And then there’s the n52 & Rebirth I guess. It obviously wants to deliver a father-son narrative, but doesn’t do great job at it. Again, aside from a few cute scenes, the “he’s my son but he does baaaad things” eternal dilemma, and Jason’s newfound proximity with the batfam coming out of nowhere (especially with Tim wtf), I didn’t find much content to have a solid opinion on.

(Salty) conclusion

My opinion of Jason & Bruce’s father-son relationship is that it’s hella cute pre-Starlin and that Winick’s version of it makes sense within his Under the Hood & Lost Days narrative (I personally cut out “bad seed Jason” and keep most of the rest).

I think we lost a lot of potential when Starlin’s work became the reference. I think the Red Hood and his baggage with the whole fam could’ve been richer and more interesting if Jason’s initial characterization was kept in mind.

Yes, Jason and Bruce’s initial relationship could’ve used some more tension/conflict in between the sweet moments but… as far as I’m concerned Starlin’s writing wasn’t the way to go.

I think the only way to build a coherent interpretation of Jason & his relationship with the fam is to make a patchwork of canon elements and to fill in the blanks yourself. Thus what I have on Jason & Bruce that takes the Red Hood into account isn’t so much an “opinion” on canon material than a personal construction.

I’m sorry Anon, I bet that’s not what you expected when you sent that ask, but it’s all I have to give :’) Hope the answer is still okay & thanks for the ask!

[comebackolivia]

I have some feelings on how Stephanie and Jason get treated in canon and wanted to explore that, so here. Have some character exploration of my two favs. 

Posted on my AO3 as chapter 5 of F*ck This Family. 

Jason stumbled out of his bedroom, reeking of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke, still dressed in the hoodie he’d been wearing the night before, but it was on backwards and his boots were on the wrong feet. He was pale, his eyes were bloodshot, and overall, he looked like death warmed over as he trudged into his kitchen, gaze trained on the coffeemaker.

He startled, then grimaced when he noticed her sitting on his countertop munching away on a pop-tart.

It took him a bit, but after he’d poured himself a mug of black as pitch coffee and downed half of it, he managed to croak out some words.

“The temptation will be to judge me. Don’t.”

Stephanie smirked, amused. “I got a very interesting text message this morning.” He shot her a glare that was very unimpressive on his hangover from hell complexion, so she continued, undeterred. “Roy asked me to drop by this morning to check that you were still alive and hadn’t choked on your own vomit. Apparently, you drunk dialed him a few times last night, and since he’s all the way across the country, he couldn’t come and check on you himself. How do you feel?”

“How does it fucking look like I feel?” he snapped, and Stephanie’s smirk morphed into a frown. Jason was a lot of things, but he wasn’t usually mean. Not to her at least. He didn’t get roaring drunk either, which meant he’d probably been given a good reason to go out and get wasted.

She’d bet good money it was a fight with someone in the family.

“Who was it?” she asked, more seriously. “Bruce?”

Jason scowled and turned away to rummage through his fridge. After a moment, he corrected, “Dick.”

Stephanie hummed sympathetically. “What happened?”

“He said something stupid and I got pissed off. Then we screamed a lot.”

She grimaced, glad she’d missed that. From what she’d seen lately, Dick had been stretching himself thin and was feeling the pressure. Prolonged stress made him crabby and shortened his temper, which was always more explosive than people believed of him. It wouldn’t have taken much for him to snap at his brother, and Jason never took that kind of thing well.

“Wanna talk about it?” Steph offered after a moment of silence.

Jason laid some strips of bacon on a hot pan and turned his attention to scrambling some eggs. “He’s a fucking dick. What else is there to say?”

Stephanie pursed her lips. As much as he joked around about it, the second Robin didn’t tend to drink in excess. Not with their lifestyles and not with his personal history. He’d told her once that his father had been a mean drunk. She knew what that was like, and knew it likely meant avoiding getting drunk altogether for Jason, at least until shit hit the fan.

“Whatever he said, he’s wrong,” she piped up, making Jason’s shoulders stiffen where he stood at the stove with his back to her. She probably shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t her business and Jason and Dick didn’t need her butting in, but she knew what it was like, to never be fully part of this family—to be considered the problem child—the easy target when the others were passing around blame.

From the beginning she’d had to fight her way out of the shadow of Jason Todd. She’d been compared to him left and right, told she was too much like him and it would get her killed one day. She was constantly looked down on as not good enough, too wild, untrainable. Whatever. How much worse was it for Jason who was the standard of badness she’d been judged against?

It was bullshit and she’d raged against it more than once. Because now that she knew him, she could see that she and Jason were nothing alike. Sure, they had similar backgrounds, their personalities meshed well together, and they made a great team in boardgames, but they operated completely differently. Jason was a planner, always had his eye on the prize, a big picture thinker. But, he wasn’t tied to it. He could shift or adapt if he needed to, and the second he felt that the victim was more important than the big picture, he’d throw the big picture right out the window. She respected the hell out of that, because what was the point of it all if they weren’t helping the victims? The individuals. The people who deserved justice, but couldn’t be heard amidst the bureaucracy, corruption, and bullshit. She might not always like his methods, she’d never approve of him killing, but she respected his motivation. She felt that same drive.

But that’s where the similarities ended. They had the same compassion, but where Jason was a planner, Stephanie wore her heart on her sleeve and followed wherever it took her. Jason only appeared impulsive. Stephanie actually was. Over time though, she’d been able to turn it into a strength. Impulsiveness transitioned to adaptability and that was a major asset to have in the field.

The fact that she still took crap for it drove her nuts. The fact that she was still constantly compared to Jason drove her even more nuts.

It wasn’t fair to either of them. They operated differently, had different strengths that helped them be effective in the field. What the others did and said diminished them. It ignored their strengths and compounded their weaknesses. And it was total and utter bullshit. Neither of them got enough credit. They were both good at what they did, and they were good in different ways. The fact that the rest of the family, some of the smartest people on the planet, couldn’t see that? Well, it pissed her the hell off.

So whatever Dick had said, even if it had been coming from a place of stress and exhaustion, she knew it was wrong. Jason needed to know that too.

“You ever get sick of it?” he asked after a moment, voice scratchy and shoulders hunched. He still hadn’t turned away from the stove.

“Of what?”

“Being the family punching bags,” he retorted. “The ones they lash out at when they’re feeling pissy. Bruce does it all the fucking time. Dick too. He won’t with Tim, Damian, or Cass, but you and me are fair game. Every time.”

Her gaze darkened. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She’d experienced it countless times. Bruce was stressed so he’d ream her out for something she did in the field. Something small and insignificant that hadn’t affected anything whatsoever, but still wasn’t what Bruce would have done so clearly it was stupid, impulsive, childish, whatever. Barbara had a tendency to do it as well—snap at her whenever she was stressed. Chew her out for something that had nothing to do with anything. She didn’t get a lot of it from Dick, but she had been snapped at by him plenty of times. And yeah, they didn’t tend to handle their stress in functional, healthy ways, and she’d seen Damian and Tim get snapped at plenty of times. But it wasn’t the same. It was never quite so acidic with them.

“Yes,” she answered plainly because it was true. She often found herself wondering what the hell she was even doing with them when it was so clear she would never fit the way they wanted her too. She almost hadn’t come back after Black Mask, and sometimes she questioned why she had at all. She had her reasons of course, but in her weaker moments she wondered if it was worth it.

At her reply, Jason finally turned from the stove to face her. His face was still pale, and she thought that maybe his red eyes were a little waterier than they’d been when he first walked in. Her stomach clenched in sympathy.

“You ever consider saying ‘fuck ‘em’ and walking away from it all?”

It was like he was reading her mind. “Yes,” she admitted.

Jason frowned and turned back to the stove. Steph watched, suddenly feeling tired as he loaded a plate with bacon, scrambled eggs and toast. She was surprised when he handed the plate to her and fixed another one for herself.

They ate in silence.

“I don’t want to let them be right about me,” she spoke up once they were almost finished.

“They’re not,” Jason answered immediately. “Spite’s a hell of a motivator though, so keep proving them wrong.”

Stephanie smirked, feeling the heaviness that had settled in the room finally lift a little. “I am a kickass vigilante fueled by bitterness and spite,” she declared wryly.

Jason snorted into his coffee, then raised the mug. “Here, here.”

“Seriously though, you okay?” she asked after another smaller stretch of silence. There was a little more color in his face after eating breakfast. Greasy breakfast foods weren’t her go to hangover cure, but it seemed to do a decent job of dragging Jason back from the brink of hangover death.

“Yeah. It’s only a matter of time before Dick tracks me down or finds my new number and apologizes. It’ll take longer for me to accept the apology though. I’ll probably hold off until he starts bringing me food and shit.”

“Nice,” Stephanie replied, bobbing her head in approval. Then she paused and asked, “When did you get a new number?”

“I haven’t yet, but I vaguely remember chucking my phone of the roof of a building last night, so I’ll have to do that at some point.”

Stephanie snorted. She couldn’t help it. The mental image of grumpy, drunk Jason throwing a phone off a Gotham roof was hilarious. He was so overly dramatic.

“What the hell were you doing on top of a building wasted? That’s a health and safety no-no, you know,” she retorted with a teasing smirk. “What were you doing, serenading the pigeons?”

“Performing Hamlet with the gargoyles if you must know.”

“Oh god,” she exclaimed, cracking up at just the thought of drunk off his ass Jason dramatically declaring “To be or not to be” to a gargoyle audience. “You have no idea how much I’d give to have seen that.”

“Yeah, well it was a one time performance so you snooze you lose, Blondie.”

“Yeah, well your hoodie is on backwards,” she retorted, snickering at his surprised look as he realized it was actually on backwards.

“The fuck?” he wondered quietly, pulling at the hood that had been settled at his neck. How he missed this while eating was beyond Steph.

“And your boots are on the wrong feet.”

Jason looked down and groaned loudly, much to Stephanie’s delight. “Fucking hell. I knew something felt off.”

“You also stink. Like horrendously. What’d you do? Bathe in vodka and cigarette ash?”

“Shut up. I fed you and this is the thanks I get?”

“Yeah, you fed me, but does it really count if there weren’t waffles?”

“Yes, it absolutely counts.”

“Whatever. Go shower. I’ll find something for us to watch on Netflix.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jason said, standing up and heading towards the bathroom. “But it better not be one of those sad wildlife documentaries where the baby animals die.”

“That was one time!” she called back. “I didn’t know they were going to die!”

Still, as she settled into the couch, she googled the next episode of Planet Earth to make sure there’d be no surprises. All the while, a warmth spread through her chest because Jason was letting her keep him company. They might sometimes be the punching bags for the rest of the family, but it was nice to know that she had his back and he had hers. They could handle the others.

[thegiddyowl]

Carry Me To Sleep - The Sweet Sequel of a Sequel of a Rebelcaptain Ficlet

Making this a sequel to my original ficlet into it’s own post because a) the post is long enough as it is and b) this is a little crackey. Just a bit.

Jyn was able to find some rags to sop up his leaking nose, the extra blankets to keep him warm, and the code to slice into the ‘fresher for a few extra minutes of hot water. What she couldn’t find was the damn honey he had put in her tea. She looked all over his dresser drawers (finding a secret stash of sweets, to her surprise), but there wasn’t a drop of it, leading her to believe that he borrowed it from someone else. She asked K-2SO where Cassian got it, but he didn’t know either. All the droid had was some medicine from a med droid for Cassian’s fever and, with a bit of prodding from both Jyn and K2, took the two little gel caplets that made him fall into a very deep sleep.

“Can you watch him while I go look?” Jyn asked as she slung her scarf around her neck.

“I always do. Like many organics, he’s very bad at taking care of himself.”

With Cassian taken care of, she asked the Pathfinders, the few people she knew Cassian knew in Intelligence, and Chirrut, Malbus, and Bodhi, but no luck. She sliced into the kitchen’s inventory stock, but it was the standard rationed fare and not a drop of honey. Someone must have a private stash, but the question was who. Cassian would be healthy again by the time she asked everybody on base, so she decided to just get the answer from the fathier’s mouth when he finally stirred from his medically induced sleep.

“I was going to make tea, Cassian. Where did you get the honey?” Jyn asked, stroking his hand while she sat on the side of his bed.

His lips twitched into a groggy grin. “Heh heh.”

Jyn frowned, but kept her temper. “That isn't an answer.”

He laughed from his throat, his eyes drifting closed until Jyn cupped his face with her hands.

“Cass, do you want honey for your throat?”

He nodded.

“Then where did you find the honey?”

“I found it for you.”

She sighed. “Okay, but where is it? Who gave it to you?”

He squinted at her, and she could see the gears grinding her patience thin behind his watery eyes.

“Honey, where is it?” she asked.

He smiled and clapped a hand over hers. “Draven has it.”

“Draven has it? Only Draven?”

“Yes. I looked and I couldn’t find--” he turned away from her and coughed. “He said he had some, but it's a secret, so don't tell anyone.”

She sighed and let her hands slip into his lap.

“I won't.”

His sad eyes followed her hands.  “Don’t...I know you don’t like him, but I think he trusts me again and I can’t break that. Can’t tell anyone.”

“You just told me.”

He blinked. “Shavit.”

Jyn laughed this time. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. If anything I actually have a chance of getting it now since it's to help you out.”

That, at least, soothed him enough to send him back to sleep. Jyn tucked the covers under his chin and sent out to find Draven. As was her luck, she found him marching down one of the emptier halls with a data pad in his hand.

“General Draven.”

He didn’t slow, leaving Jyn to catch up to his brisk pace.

“Sergeant Erso, good to see you upright,” he said, glancing down at her.

This is for Cassian. “Thank you, sir. Unfortunately, I gave Captain Andor my flu--”

“That was evident this morning.”

For Cassian, for Cassian, for Cassian. “I'm tending to him now. I have everything I need, except for honey for his sore throat. Cas--Captain Andor was able to get some for me but he's too ill to tell me where he found it. I've been looking around but I think he had a stock of honey that he used up for me.”

At last, Draven stopped at the fork in the ice tunnels, one of which would lead them to the general’s quarters. Draven crossed his arms and stared at her with a neutral face.

“I know that this is a strange request, but since you know Captain Andor best, did he by chance mention where he got the honey? I'm assuming off world but in--”

“Enough of this dance, Sergeant Erso. I know that he told you he got it from me.”

She froze for a moment too long. “…no he didn’t.”

He rolled his eyes and continued his walk. “Follow me. I trust he's only told you?”

“Yes,” she said firmly.

“Well, it's a comfort to know that he only loses his integrity and good sense around you.”

“Is this why you never invited me to join intelligence?”

He smirked. “Lack of discretion and respect for authority are the official reasons.”

Good enough to get the Death Star plans when everyone else was too cowardly to--no, this is for Cassian. Stay focused. “That’s fair, sir.”

“I’m glad we’re finally in agreement,” he said as they approached his door with a thumb print lock.

Draven’s quarters were as sterile as she expected: a glossy white desk, a metal-framed bed that was made without a wrinkle, and a white armoire that, when opened, held two shelves of perfectly ironed and folded uniforms. Draven pulled out a large wooden box from the bottom shelf and placed it on the desk. He slid the cover off, revealed at least three dozen jars of honey.

“Take your pick, and I expect to have it back as soon as Captain Andor is well.”

“Why are there so many? It’s all just honey, isn’t it?” she asked.

“You wound me, Erso,” he scoffed. “Each honey is unique to each species of bee, flower, and environment.”

“Which one did Captain Andor pick?”

“I don’t remember.”

The grin hidden in his blue eyes suggested differently.

“Fine, I’ll take this one,” Jyn huffed, picking up the honey closest to her and tucked it in her jacket pocket. “Thank you, for helping him.”

Draven snapped the box shut. “Just make sure he’s well before the Empire finds us. You’re dismissed.”

Jyn bit her tongue and left with her hard-earned prize, walking fast as she could without risking a slip and fall that would break the jar of honey.

“You’re back,” Cassian said huskily when Jyn returned. “I missed you.”

She smiled as she set up the tea packets and electric kettle. “Yes, and Draven gave me honey.”

“That’s good. You were gone for awhile.”

Jyn opened the jar of honey, her nose wrinkling from the burst of cloying sweet air. “I let Draven have his fun. How many spoonfuls should I put in the mug?

“Just one should be fine.”

The tea didn’t take long to prepare, but they let it cool a little on their nightstand table while Jyn checked his (still quite high) temperature. His hands were unsteady, so Jyn slightly tipped the mug against Cassian’s lip so he could sip it. His brow wrinkled when he tasted the tea.

“How is it?” Jyn asked, moving the mug away.

“It’s good, thank you,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Jyn put the tea back on the nightstand table. “You hate it.”

“I said it was good.”

“You don’t like it.”

“Jyn, it’s fine--”

“No, it’s not,” she said, already on her feet and stuffing the jar back in her pocket. “I want you to get a honey you like and I’m going to get it. You could have warned me about Draven having twenty billion karking honeys to pick from.”

“Jyn, come back,” he croaked, his hand reaching out for her as she approached the door.

“You need the right honey with your tea.”

“I need you more. Stay, please?”

His legs shifted under the layers of blankets to make a spot for her to lay down next to him. He fought to keep his eyes open, but his gaze never left hers.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

He nodded, and she put the honey back on his desk before approaching the bed.

“All right,” she murmured as she laid down next to him.

His relieved sigh on her neck sweetened her sour mood. She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling loved as he curled towards her. Maybe it was the flu or the medicine or both that made him so openly clingy, but she loved that he was comfortable enough with her to show this side of him.

Cassian turned away and hacked out another wet cough, then turned back to her and mumbled something Jyn didn’t catch.

“You all right?” Jyn asked.

He nodded as he turned back to her, his eyes firmly shut. Jyn kissed the top of his head and made a mental note to get him in the shower once he woke up again. They laid together for a long, quiet while, Jyn about to nod off when Cassian coughed into her shirt.

“Throat hurts,” he whimpered.

She sighed in his hair. “Which honey did you want?”

He sniffled into her shirt (that she was going to have to change again) and looked up at her with sad, red-rimmed eyes. “The one I like.”

For a top intelligence officer, Cassian had a poor memory when it came to remembering important details such as which specific honey he liked from Draven’s stash. Regardless, Jyn stormed back up to the general’s quarters and knocked until she was finally let in.

“Is there a problem, Erso?” Draven asked from his desk.

“He didn’t liked the one I picked.”

“Is that so?” he said as he pulled the box out of the armoire again.

Jyn glowered at him. She was certain that he actually knew which honey Cassian had picked for her, but he wouldn’t tell her. She would have to play his game and amuse the joyless old man.

“Any tips on what he would like?” she asked.

“You know him better than I do, Erso, so I trust that you would know best.”

She scanned the different labels on all the honeys, determined to solve this puzzle Draven laid out for her, when she remembered the bag of sweets in Cassian’s dresser.

“Which is the sweetest honey that you have?” Jyn asked.

He pointed to three jars all sitting next to each other in the box. “These three.”

Jyn nodded. “Right, and where do they come from?”

“Naalol, Naboo, and Yavin.”

Jyn picked up the honey from Yavin and twisted its lid open for a whiff. She could feel the oncoming sugar just from one sniff of the clear honey, but she could smell the faintest scent of the little white flowers that bloomed at night and perfumed the grease-soaked air with their syrupy-sweet scent. It was one of the few things she enjoyed when recovering after Scarif in the medbay with Cassian.

“I’ll take this one,” Jyn said, already pocketing it.

To her surprise, Draven gave her a reserved, but genuine, smile. “Let’s hope you have better luck with it this time.”

Jyn headed back to their quarters after she was dismissed. Cassian was awake and waiting for her when she arrived, though he slumped against his pile of pillows.

“You came back,” he said, his voice weak and raspy.

“I’ll always come back,” Jyn hummed as she set up the electric kettle again. “Got a new bottle that came from Yavin.”

He raised his eyebrows at that. “Really?”

“I would give you the jar to smell but I don’t think you can smell anything right now.”

Cassian chuckled at that, then flopped his hand out to beckon her back to bed. She resisted, changing into a clean shirt instead while the kettle boiled, and only returned to sit on his bedside once the tea was finished. On the nightstand table she swirled a heaping spoon of the golden honey in the pale tea, Cassian’s fingers tracing up and down her spine. Once it had cooled enough, she again lowered the mug on his lip. His eyes widened on the first taste, but he leaned his head forward to gulp it down.

“I never knew you had such a massive sweet tooth,” she teased when she set down the empty mug. “Actually, I never pegged Draven as having a sweet tooth either.”

“I didn’t either, but when I was taking care of you he offered the honey,” Cassian said, his voice already sounding stronger.

“More tea?”

“Maybe later. We should get some rest.”

She smirked at the ‘we,’ but she slid under two of his four blankets, his arms already curling around her. She sighed and closed her eyes, honestly ready for a short nap. Cassian grumbled something in her hair that she didn’t catch.

“What was that?” she asked.

He put his cheek on his shoulder.“I know you always come back. I don’t know why I’ve been so…”

“Clingy?”

“Yes. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

Maybe the medicine was wearing off or the fever was breaking. Jyn wrapped her arms around him and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“But I want to, though. Your bed’s a centimeter thicker than mine.” She mimicked his smile, then lowered her voice to a soothing hush. “When I was sick and you were there, I felt safe. I want you to feel safe with me too.”

“I do.”

“So don’t worry about being clingy. We have what we need now, just sleep and…”

He snored, his mouth open just enough for a trickle of drool to leak through eventually. Safe and content, Jyn followed him to sleep shortly after.

[cucksworth]

7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 19, 20, 22, 48, 50 for your courier :)

7. Favorite companions? Least favorite companions?

GAYBOY69′s favorite companions are definitely Arcade and Lily, with Veronica being a close third. His least favorite companion is probably Boone [ He thinks Boone is too serious ].

Dan’s favorite companions are Boone and Veronica, but his least favorite is Cass [ He has his reasons ].

8. Any romantic partners? How do these relationships begin and end? Are they healthy?

GAYBOY69 has had so many romantic partners that he can’t even remember them all, especially post-bullet. Most of them are usually built on quick flings, so I’ll let you decide if that’s very healthy or not. One of his most prominent ones pre-bullet is with a young man, one with a name he can’t quite remember, with soft brown hair and bright eyes who was an extremely free-spirited person. It was probably the healthiest relationship he had had so far, but it ended when they had to part ways. After the battle of the Dam, GAYBOY69 and Benny get married and, despite GAYBOY69′s original grudge towards the man, things settled down pretty quickly.

Dan’s had three relationships in the course of his life. His first one was a boy a little older than him named Jake Everett. It was a decent relationship that ended when Jake had to leave Shady Sands. It wasn’t until Dan was around 23-25 that he got into another relationship with a woman named Emily Adams. It wasn’t as good at his relationship with Jake; there was a lot of fights and arguing over petty things. That relationship ended when Dan was stuck in jail for a time due to property destruction after a bad blackout. After the second battle of the Hoover Dam, Dan marries Boone and it’s a stable relationship. It takes a lot of work to get Boone comfortable with the idea of being close to someone again, but Dan was willing to work through it. They’re happy together.

9. Gender / Sexuality / Ethnicity?

GAYBOY69 is agender, gay and Caucasian while Dan is cis, bisexual and Caucasian-Mexican.

10. Where were they born and raised? When and why did they leave?

GAYBOY69 was born near Zion National Park and raised in that general area. He only left home around 19, leaving to travel up north and instead finding himself taking a job at the Mojave Express.

Dan was born in Shady Sands, California and lived there until he was 25. After that, the First Recon soldier jumped from town to town and then eventually left California when he was on the cusp of his 28th birthday.

12. How did the bullet affect them?

GAYBOY69 suffered from a massive indent in the left side of his head where the bullet penetrated his skull. Mentally, he suffered from memory problems, a tendency to go into autopilot whenever and wherever, and it caused what would be considered a type of conduct disorder. With help, most of these are solved, but he still has problems occasionally.

Dan was left with a blind left eye and problems with balance and depth perception, as well as the occasional speech slurring. The left side of his body also tends to be weaker than the right side.

19. What is there motive for taking Vegas?

GAYBOY69 didn’t have any motive. Like I said earlier, he wasn’t even too keen on the idea. He didn’t like House, the Legion was definitely a no-go, and the NCR were just a bunch of imperialists. He had his own tribal beginnings, and eventually decided he would take Vegas and give the tribes a chance to reclaim their previous lives instead of being forced to adhere to House’s rules.

I haven’t actually decided on a motive for Dan, I’m waiting for that to come to me on its own instead of forcing it.

20. Do they have a theme song?

I don’t have a real theme song for GAYBOY69 yet, surprisingly. I’m still trying to find a good one. I’m thinking some sort of Neil Cicierega mashup, though.

Dan’s theme song is House of the Rising Sun by Five Finger Death Punch. At least for now until I find a better one.

22. How old are they? What are their birthdays? What’s their sign?

GAYBOY69 - 22 years old. November 25, 2258. Sagittarius.

Dan - 28 years old. August 4, 2253. Leo.

48. Can they cook, and if so, what do they cook? What are their favorite and least favorite foods?

GAYBOY69 can cook pretty well, surprisingly. He cooks a lot of hearty foods, usually with Brahmin steaks involved. He doesn’t have a specific favorite food, but he does love meat. He refuses to eat pre-war foods.

Dan can’t cook to save his life, so he depends on taking food from others or eating cactus fruits. He enjoys spicy foods with jalapenos, but can’t eat pre-war foods because he’s allergic to peanuts.

[identybeautynet]

Meagan Good Shares Every Single Step of Her Nighttime Skin Care Routine

Meagan Good Shares Every Single Step of Her Nighttime Skin Care Routine Nighttime Skin Care Routine I use an eye cream from Urban Skin Rx called Vitaleyez; it’s really good for dark circles, for bags, and for tightening the skin underneath my eyes and getting rid of fine lines and wrinkles. Then I will use either Augustinus Bader’s The Cream or this one by Silvana called Ultra Lifts Anti-Aging Lotion. It’s basically anti-sagging and hydrating. Clear Skin Retinol Serum This retinol serum fades scars, clears acne, and promotes healthy skin cell turnover. SkinMedica HA5 Rejuvenating Hydrator Dr. Waldorf doesn't use serum every day, but she does pull out this hyaluronic acid powerhouse when needed. "My primary concern is dryness," she says. "The HA5 is great to layer with my sunscreen." Urban Skin Rx® Vitaleyez Retinol + Vitamin C Complex This eye serum is formulated to combat dark circles, puffiness, and fine lines. Augustinus Bader The Cream Augustinus Bader's cult-classic product is an ideal, anti-aging lightweight moisturizer. Usually I have in my goddess locs, so I use a hair wrap from my Good Girl Wraps line at night. I developed these wraps because I got my hair inspired by Lisa Bonet—I really wanted it to look soft and pretty, and I wanted it to be a very specific look. So my hairstylist and I created the goddess locs together, and then after I started wearing them, I found that a lot of girls were asking me, “How do you tie them up at night?” And then the other question is, “How do you work out?” You can put the locs in a bun, but if you’re jumping around, the bun falls down. So I created the Good Girl Wrap as a way to be able to put it over your hair and hold your hair down, so while you’re working out, your hair is not flopping everywhere, and then at night you’re able to tie your hair down so that you can sleep on your pillow comfortably. It’s silk and cotton, so it acclimates to your body heat. Solid Light Gold Good Girl Wrap This satin hair wrap is ideal for sleeping, working out, or giving your hair the love it deserves. I put on Eucerin, which I love—it’s super, super moisturizing. And then I use Vaseline on my lips, and on some of my tattoos. It’s just the simple, 100% Vaseline, but they sent me a bedazzled jar that has an “MMG” on it. Eucerin Original Healing Lotion Eucerin is well-loves for its consistent and timeless ability to heal and nourish even sensitive skin. Vaseline Healing Jelly Sometimes, simpler is just better. “Vaseline is the best for the worst areas, especially after showers and bathing,” Viseslav Tonkovic-Capin, M.D., a dermatologist at Cass Regional Medical Center, tells SELF. “It is inexpensive, it seals moisture into the skin the best, it almost never causes allergies, and it does not cause acne.” My number-one go-to thing for bedtime—and I can’t believe that it works—is this spray called This Works. Ha! It’s a pillow spray, and I spray it on my pillow and my sheets, and as soon as I lie down, I fall asleep. It’s like magic. I also crack the window in my room so I have a little bit of fresh air, and I turn on a little space heater so that it's not too cold. I have a little teddy bear that I love to bring to help me sleep when I’m traveling. His name is Javier. I think I found him at Urban Outfitters years and years ago, and he’s just a funny-looking square bear that looks like SpongeBob Square Pants, but he’s a teddy bear. He’s very funny looking. But I travel with him, and I sleep with him. I also have sheets I can’t live without. I was working on a show, and my cast mate was like, “Girl, do you have any sheets?” We were in this apartment, and I just had the sheets they gave us. She’s like, “No, you need to try these sheets.” I was like, “A sheet is just a sheet.” She was like, “No.” So I started using these sheets—they’re called Pure Bamboo—and now I’m obsessed with them. They are the softest sheets of life. When you lie on them, you feel like it’s butter and you’re soaking into the bed. This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray Spray this all over your pillows and sheets for a relaxing drift-off into sleep. Pure Bamboo Sheets 4-Sheet Set These super-soft sheets are crafted from 100% organic bamboo. I try to get seven hours of sleep. I’m a bit of a night owl, so it varies. When my day starts, my phone starts going off immediately and I have a whole morning ritual that I do as well, so I feel like from the moment I open my eyes, I’m going, going. Night is the only time where nobody’s reaching out to me; I can rest, I can relax, I can unwind, and just have time for Meagan. So because of that, I tend to go to bed pretty late. Sometimes 2 a.m., sometimes a little bit later, but I make sure that when I do that, my day allows me to have gotten seven hours of sleep, and then also to have an hour in the morning before I even start getting dressed to really pray and meditate and read my Bible. But I try to just time it out, and it starts with what I do in the evenings to make sure that I get those seven hours. When I have 17- or 18-hour days on set, I take little naps when I can, or drink a little bit of tea. I don’t mind those days because I’ve been in the business since I was a kid, and so I’m used to it. I try to stay away from coffee, but I just drink something that has a little bit of caffeine in it. The biggest thing for me is just trying to have a positive attitude and push through. I take the stance that tomorrow’s not promised, so I want today to be the best way that it can be. So that’s how I try to live in terms of self-care, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically: What do I need to do for Meagan so that Meagan can do what she’s supposed to do in the world, in this season? This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity. beauty tips : Nighttime Skin Care Routine . Read the full article

[chicagomu]

CHARACTER

FULL NAME: Cassia Denalia Motta.

AGE: 29.

BIRTHDAY: August 13th.

BIRTH ORDER: First.

RELATION: Full Sibling.

TYPE: Triplet.

GENDER: Cisfemale.

PRONOUNS: She/her.

ORIENTATION(S): Fluid/Fluid.

JOB: Owner of MOTTAvation Gym.

FACE CLAIM: Vanessa Lengies.

ABOUT

Cassia was kind of a spitfire as a kid, depending on who you asked. Around her family she was a force to be reckoned with, her behavior swinging from nurturing, to silly, to extreme rage, sometimes even on a daily basis. But outside of the home, around people she didn’t know, she was often shy, and self conscious. Her parents put her into cheerleading to try and encourage more levelness at home, along with more self confidence out of the home. It helped to an extent. She still experienced a wide range of emotions, and a lot of self consciousness, but she did learn to hide the latter, at least.

When she was just 8 her grandmother passed away, which changed her mother from the loving and caring woman she once was to someone cold and distant. At the time, Cassia didn’t understand, though she now knows that it was depression that had taken the mother she knew from her. Two years later, and Cassia came home from school to find that her mother had left, without so much as a note. Her, and all of her things were simply just gone. Cassia hasn’t heard from her mother since, but even at 10, she decided she needed to take it upon herself to be the mom. She stepped into the role, trying her best to fill Stacy’s shoes, though her own moods did tend to make it more difficult.

It wasn’t until high school that she took it upon herself, with her father’s money, to put herself in therapy, and it was then that she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Having a name for her uncontrollable emotions was a relief, it also helped her understand her mother’s depression, and she often wonders if her mother suffers from the same thing she does, not that she has the option to ask her, of course.

After high school she went to a local college, where she studied fitness and nutrition. Now as a trained dietitian she runs her own gym which she opened, yes, with her fathers money, but she doesn’t care. MOTTAvation is run like a clinic, they offer personal training, and a range of free classes. Everything from pilates and yoga, to kickboxing, to healthy cooking. Her and other dietitians are available for their clients to consult with, which has put them on the map for being a leading center for people to find ways to lead healthier lives.

Due to her struggles with mental health, and her mothers, Cass decided to put in a huge effort to help the community as well. She also offers reduced memberships for women, and even free memberships for those who can’t afford the gym. She offers childcare, and healthy eating classes for children. She also has a staff of social workers, who can help give families resources for bill assistance, mental health resources, battered women resources, a long with renting out the apartments above the gym at low costs to those who need help, and many other services.

[andiesmu]

CHARACTER

FULL NAME: Cassia Denalia Motta.

AGE: 29.

BIRTHDAY: August 13th.

BIRTH ORDER: First.

RELATION: Full Sibling.

TYPE: Triplet.

GENDER: Cisfemale.

PRONOUNS: She/her.

ORIENTATION(S): Fluid/Fluid.

JOB: Owner of MOTTAvation Gym.

FACE CLAIM: Vanessa Lengies.

ABOUT

Cassia was kind of a spitfire as a kid, depending on who you asked. Around her family she was a force to be reckoned with, her behavior swinging from nurturing, to silly, to extreme rage, sometimes even on a daily basis. But outside of the home, around people she didn’t know, she was often shy, and self conscious. Her parents put her into cheerleading to try and encourage more levelness at home, along with more self confidence out of the home. It helped to an extent. She still experienced a wide range of emotions, and a lot of self consciousness, but she did learn to hide the latter, at least.

When she was just 8 her grandmother passed away, which changed her mother from the loving and caring woman she once was to someone cold and distant. At the time, Cassia didn’t understand, though she now knows that it was depression that had taken the mother she knew from her. Two years later, and Cassia came home from school to find that her mother had left, without so much as a note. Her, and all of her things were simply just gone. Cassia hasn’t heard from her mother since, but even at 10, she decided she needed to take it upon herself to be the mom. She stepped into the role, trying her best to fill Stacy’s shoes, though her own moods did tend to make it more difficult.

It wasn’t until high school that she took it upon herself, with her father’s money, to put herself in therapy, and it was then that she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Having a name for her uncontrollable emotions was a relief, it also helped her understand her mother’s depression, and she often wonders if her mother suffers from the same thing she does, not that she has the option to ask her, of course.

After high school she went to a local college, where she studied fitness and nutrition. Now as a trained dietitian she runs her own gym which she opened, yes, with her fathers money, but she doesn’t care. MOTTAvation is run like a clinic, they offer personal training, and a range of free classes. Everything from pilates and yoga, to kickboxing, to healthy cooking. Her and other dietitians are available for their clients to consult with, which has put them on the map for being a leading center for people to find ways to lead healthier lives.

Due to her struggles with mental health, and her mothers, Cass decided to put in a huge effort to help the community as well. She also offers reduced memberships for women, and even free memberships for those who can’t afford the gym. She offers childcare, and healthy eating classes for children. She also has a staff of social workers, who can help give families resources for bill assistance, mental health resources, battered women resources, a long with renting out the apartments above the gym at low costs to those who need help, and many other services.

[al-capone-duck]

Anyways I hate myself and all I ever think about is how fucked up I am and I'm kind of a lost cause honestly? Like there's just so much. So much shit to dig through you couldn't possibly hope to fix or even work on it all and I am a useless & generally worthless human being with exactly zero redeeming qualities and everyone knows that which is why nobody genuinely cares about me but I get it The worst thing is people will say stuff like "I have no friends" and I'll be like "lmao me too" but it's an objectively true statement for me and usually turns out to be false for them I'm not even trying to be dramatic I have ZERO people who I can go see a movie with or get coffee with or whatever, Telena tells me all the time to just call up a friend and go hang out and I tell her I can't because it's the truth. Casey is in Orlando and Christina is in Daytona and Jacob is in Gainesville and Nini is in fucking England or something and Ross is in Jacksonville and that's my entire list of irl friends who I still had when I graduated. Christina and I still talk (when I answer) and Jacob and I snap sometimes but I've completely lost contact with all the rest. I don't have people to do a podcast with or to suck at Smash tournaments with or anything and I hate it Even if we count internet friends I don't talk to Cass or Chris anymore and honestly it's probably because I drove them away! Because I don't fucking answer people ever and it's a miracle anyone even tries with me anymore Being alive is giving me a headache and my mom keeps trying to figure out what's wrong with me but all I've been thinking about lately is how I've never had an actual family and how the only family I ACTUALLY have is like. Shitty fucking Bioware characters. I want to act like liking character-heavy RPGs and family dramas and shit is just me, just a personal interest thing, but that would be a lie because it's obviously about watching functional/found families and trying to feel like part of them Someone on here once said "DA2 is about building a family" and I think about that a lot because like, maybe I don't actually like this game at all maybe it's just my favorite found family to try to insert myself into so I can pretend to have people who understand accept and love me unconditionally The thing is is that people with more dysfunctional families could easily tell me to shut the fuck up because I DO have a family and in fact some people HAVE informed me that I shouldn't say I wish my dad had never been around because it bothers people whose dads really weren't around But like the reason I still have most of my family is because I haven't gone up to them and said "I'm a lesbian" because once that gets out? I'm disowned. And I know everyone is always like "parents tend to react better than you expect" but my grandpa disowned my aunt at 25 when he found out she was pregnant. My grandma eventually convinced him to chill the fuck out but I'm not sure that'll work this time. My cousins have expressed open disgust in regards to gay people and my dad doesn't even try to talk to me now. Wait until he finds out I'm disgusting and an abomination Honestly the only place that I feel I can be openly and purely myself is witchofthewilcls and that fucking sucks because it's a side blog and it's for a specific type of content and it was born primarily out of a need to censor myself on my main I keep saying "it's the worst" and "it's terrible" and shit but the actual, real worst thing is that even though I know I shouldn't and I don't WANT to and it's bad for me because I know how everything is going to play out, I wish my dad would be my dad. I understand that there's a strong feeling of rejection when your dad is never around in your life, but just because my dad was physically present doesn't mean I didn't experience that. He was right there, in front of me, for my whole life, and he ignored me. He didn't even try to act like he wanted anything to do with me. I wish I could say I know he loves me but I don't know. I don't know how to handle this situation. Maybe I SHOULD want him to love me? I don't know what the healthy thing here is but I can't imagine there will ever be a time in my life that I'm not troubled about my dad and I wish he knew how badly he fucked me up. Like the list of things that contributed to how awful my brain is right now is so long it seems pretty much impossible to get through. There's my dad and there's my mom and my aunt and there's the growing up gay in a southern baptist household thing and there's Autumn and there's the whole smart kid! Fantastic potential! Thing and how I just fucking wasted all of it. How bad I went and fucked up my own life. And it's honestly REALLY fucking bothering me that that thing with Nicki and the college tuition is floating around because like, it's great. I don't mean to sound like I'm not happy for the people getting their tuition paid off. But she's like "show me a 4.0" so people with really good grades are getting handouts and I'm over here, a dropout who failed two (three?) classes even when she was doing the bare fucking minimum but not because I wasn't trying. I tried really hard for a really long time but it's just so much to deal with and then I get texts that say stuff like "just got a letter from Princeton" and again, I don't mean to sound like I'm not happy for you, because I absolutely am, but it's just like. Really difficult when anyone brings up college. It's way worse when it's about me specifically but the concept of college just fucks me up so much ESPECIALLY when it's so much better than me. Blowing me out of the fucking water. Elementary school Ashley should've kept going to become high school Ashley and she could've gotten into Princeton. She could've gone to an Ivy League and gone on and got a doctorate in whatever fancy major she picked but she kinda died somewhere along the way and I ended up as this shitty version of myself. And of course I know it's stupid and unreasonable but it's like Someone: mentions an accomplishment that outdoes my own, especially an academic accomplishment My brain: so you're saying I'm worthless/dumb/ugly/not funny/whatever insult is applicable here I just like, have no purpose, no family, no friends, no skills, no interests. My brain is fucked and everyone in the world is better than me because even other people with all my same issues/with worse issues than me are doing better than I am. I have no reason to keep hanging around here but I'm too chickenshit to leave so I won't do it And my mom hangs around and tries to figure out what's wrong and I say "nothing that matters to you anyway" and she's all "I wouldn't be asking if it didn't matter" but she has shown me time and again that it doesn't matter to her. It's never mattered to her. She's never cared about things I was interested in, things that made me happy, never cared about the mental illness thing and she just downplays the Tourettes and the lesbian things constantly. She told me recently that I only have "a touch" of Tourettes which is like, disgustingly false, but she wants to pretend her kid is basically okay. She still makes references to me having a husband in the future and when she DOES decide to acknowledge the gay thing she just switches to gender neutral pronouns. She'll make jokes or whatever about romantic shit and say "people" instead of "girls". When she is talking about how my dad will react she says "when he finds out about you" or "when you tell him" and that's all she says and we both know what she's talking about but she won't say it. Anyways like. TL;DR I'm objectively worthless and everyone knows it

[mxopifex]

I had a rough week, so have some warm fuzzy Harper and the batfam headcanon:

The first time Harper and Cullen get asked over for family movie night, they send Cass to ask, because they know Harper will never say no to her

Harper feels a little self conscious about how there is all this home made healthy food laid out for them and all she brought was a bag of store brand cheeze poofs, but Tim is delighted that hospitality has bypassed Alfred’s junk food ban.

Damian doesn’t bother coming down stairs until Dick shows up, and then he launches himself at his brother in a flying tackle that ends with him somehow riding Dick piggy back. Which is about when he notices Harper and Cullen and asks for an introduction, and Harper finds herself shaking hands with a very serious ten year old sitting on his brother’s back.

They’ve known each other for ten minutes and Cullen and Duke have already started talking about Yu-gi-o. Harper is having dark visions of anime night dance before her eyes.

Actually there are a lot more people here than Harper was expecting. Including some dude who hasn’t taken his leather jacket off even though it’s perfectly warm in here and who is acting like he doesn’t want to be here, which is whatever. How hard is it to get out of family movie night? Unless... Maybe they sent Cassie after him too?

Actually, not that she want’s to admit it, but this is a little stressful for Harper. Not in an exactly bad way. She’s glad she got invited. But she has no real experience with big normal family things, and she’s not really sure what’s expected of her here.

About 40 minutes into the movie some guy named Clark shows up with his kid Jon in tow. Dick is excited to see him. Tim rolls his eyes a little, to which Bruce responds by waving in the general direction of Steph and telling Tim, “You invite your friends.”

This is when Harper realizes that maybe no one here knows how big family things are supposed to work and everyone is just making it up as they go.

At some point Jon and Damian start fighting and Jon accidentally uses his heat vision. Harper and Cullen slip out to the hallway to have a hushed conversation that consists entirely of the words, “Oh My God,” repeated in various states of alarm coupled with pointing back to the living room. The dorky looking dude in Buddy Holly glasses and flannel, who’s just a little too clean cut for the hipster look, is fucking Superman, and how did they not notice that earlier. 

Eventually Bruce comes to collect them.  “You’re friends with Superman!” “That’s not really a secret, Harper.”  And, ok, Harper knows that Batman and Superman are friends. She does. But there’s still a bit of mental disconnect between that and Superman hanging out on Bruce’s couch.

Later in the evening, Harper realizes it’s starting to snow, hard. She knows she should leave soon because weather this bad tends to lead to the bus “detour” not stopping within 10 blocks of her apartment. But Cass is sleeping on her shoulder and she really doesn’t wanna move. Bruce wanders over and asks just a little too quickly if she just want’s to crash here because the weather is garbage. And that’s cool, but, did he plan this?

The spare bedroom is bigger than her entire apartment. And it’s too quiet. And dark. How the hell is she supposed to sleep here?

In the morning, the payoff is worth it. Breakfast at Wayne Manor is the best thing ever. Harper keeps telling Alfred how good everything is, and Alfred keeps responding by putting more food in front of her. They are going to have to roll her out of here, but Harper is definitely never missing another movie night. Especially if the weather forecast is bad.

[bubble-tea-bunny]

Loads of Love Around [Cassian Andor x Reader]

Author’s Note: I bought a Cassian Andor Funko Pop today which made me want to write for him lol. And then I got this idea in particular because I saw someone had made a typo that read “rouge one” instead of “rogue one.” I have another idea for Cassian that’s a bit more fleshed out and whatever, which I think I’ll write next. Just didn’t really have the capacity to focus on it today as I’ve been itching to draw. Hope you enjoyyy.

Word Count: 1,594

Cassian had spent the night in your quarters.

Nothing much had occupied those late hours other than catching up on much needed sleep. He’d returned from his last mission yesterday, but hadn’t gotten the chance to see you until the sun had already disappeared behind the horizon due to all his debriefings. You, on the other hand, had been grounded for a few days, while repairs were being made to your own ship. So this had been one of the rare times neither of you had to wait on the other. That was usually the way things worked, considering your assignments tended not to sync.

Cassian is particularly glad the exception happened after this particular mission, for he hadn’t come out of it completely unscathed—several scratches and bruises litter his person—and he didn’t want to spend his first night back alone. He understands the risk of every assignment he undertakes, but his track record has been rather solid, which sometimes causes him to be a little reckless or get too cocky. The failure of a mission to go according to plan not only leaves him injured physically but mentally as well—a harsh reminder that he’s not invincible, and that should be continue to think that he is, he’ll be dead in the blink of an eye.

You’re the anchor. His anchor. You’re the thought that overtakes the forefront of his mind when he’s in danger, when he’s doubting his skills to worm his way out of whatever sticky situation he finds himself in. You’re the first thing he thinks of when a mission is successful and he and K-2SO load up in to the U-Wing to return to Yavin 4.

It’s perplexing to consider now, as he stands here, watching you get ready. One day you’d been just like any other pilot to him, and then suddenly you’ve overwhelmed his entire being, and you became more than that. He doesn’t really remember the space in between. Imagining life without you isn’t scary, just… strange. It feels as though this is the way the two of you have been all along. Perhaps this is what love feels like? Some might say this is a weakness, that you’re the one chink in his armor, but he disagrees. You give him the drive, the determination to succeed and come back in one piece.

“I can see you’re in no hurry,” Cassian jokes playfully. He studies you as you brush your hair, getting rid of all the tangles that had accrued due to how much you move while sleeping.

You’re grinning that shy grin of yours which shows up whenever Cassian teases you. “We have plenty of time, Cass. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Cassian’s heart seems to swell all at once at your nickname for him. He’d never really had one of those before. You’d bestowed it upon him one listless night in bed after you came back from an assignment two days after Cassian returned from his. It left your lips in the form of a sleepy sigh as you snuggled into his side. He hadn’t been entirely sure if you even realized you’d said it, that maybe you’d dozed off before you could finish saying the rest of his name, but the fact you’d continued calling him that from then on proved you’d meant it 100 percent.

Now that you’d brushed your hair and the smooth strands drape over your back like the perfect waterfall, you grab the small compact and brush that rests on the counter: rouge. The use of makeup was a rare sight at the base and among the rebels, especially those who are out in the field. There was never any point to it anyway, not when it would get ruined by dirt and grime and cuts and bruises. But you like to take the time to apply at least a little bit, because it’s a small action that makes you feel more normal, more human. You’re [Name] [Last Name], a Rebel pilot who likes to braid her hair and put blush on her cheeks but can get the job done just as easily as any other.

Cassian’s eyes slide from your form before him to your reflection in the mirror. You’re smiling slightly, emphasizing the apples of your cheeks to better see where to apply the blush. The expression is contagious and he smiles as he watches you. Your cheeks sport a healthy flush by the time you’re done.

“See? I didn’t take so long did I?” you question, a smile on your face.

“I finished before you.”

You roll your eyes. “You don’t require as much maintenance.”

“I’m not a droid.” Cassian raises a brow as he walks over to you.

“You’re not a girl with long hair either.”

Cassian chuckles, coming to a stop before you and wrapping his arms around you to pull you against him so he can nuzzle your hair. “It’s your fault you move so much when you sleep,” he murmurs.

“It’s also not my fault that the cots on the U-Wings are so damned small!” you whine. “Excuse me for enjoying the extra bed space.”

This time Cassian gives way to a full laugh, chest rumbling and eyes crinkling at the corners. “All right, I’ll have to agree with you on that.”

Your own laugh evolves into a tender smile as you look up to study his face. You bring a hand up to set on his cheek, thumb stroking the skin. His eyes are warm as he looks down at you, and he notices your smile shifts into a small frown, your eyes sliding up from his to look at the bandage on his forehead which holds a laceration closed. He hates to see the negative expression on your face, so he sets his hand over yours, causing your eyes to snap back to his. He says nothing, merely reassures you silently that he’s fine, just as he had many times before. But he can’t blame you for being worried. He’s the same with you.

“Sorry,” you breathe out, hand dropping back down to your side.

Cassian shakes his head. “Never apologize for being concerned.” He kisses your forehead affectionately but doesn’t pull away, instead letting his lips rest against your warm skin. The room is bathed in silence for several moments, but it’s comfortable. This is the last instance of privacy the two of you will have for the next few days, and you’re basking in it.

It comes as no surprise that there’s a new mission briefing this morning, for the Empire makes new moves and expands its reach every day and the Rebellion has no choice but to keep up, but this time the particular circumstances are even rarer than one of you already being at base when the other returns—you’re being sent on this assignment together. Although it’ll be on Cassian’s U-Wing, considering yours isn’t cleared for use quite yet.  

“Although,” Cassian continues, standing straight and smiling playfully, “you will need to apologize if this has made us late for the briefing.”

And then that large smile is on your face again and Cassian is hearing that wonderful laugh that could make flowers grow. You back up out of his hold and he allows his arms to unwrap from your waist. “I promise you, Cass, we have plenty of time.”

You make your way to the door, but before you can open it, Cassian takes the few large strides towards you and grabs your arm, whirling you around so he can set a kiss on your lips. You melt into it easily. An intimate action such as this you prefer to do when alone, and since neither of you is quite sure when you’ll find yourselves back at base, you’re making this one count.

It feels like it’s too soon when you separate, but there’s a mission briefing waiting for you both.

“Keep that up, and we’ll be late for sure,” you tell him teasingly.

“Can’t have that.” Cassian shakes his head, leading you out the door of your quarters and into the corridor. “K-2 will wonder where we are.”

You laugh quietly at that as you follow him to the briefing room. There are most certainly those who would wonder where the two of you are, but of course Cassian had mentioned K-2SO specifically, for he is a curious droid who would have no qualms about pestering the two of you with questions. There’d be no way to escape them either, considering you’d all be on the U-Wing together.

When the two of you are being informed about the details of your new assignment, Cassian takes a second to glance up at you, notes that your fingers have found your hair, fashioning a braid out of habit. It’s perfect, of course, despite not having done it in front of a mirror. You’ve done this enough times. You feel him staring and momentarily look over at him, smiling slightly before turning back to the hologram in the center of the table. Cassian smiles fondly before also turning his attention back to the hologram and to what Mon Mothma is saying.

He thought the kiss back in your quarters not half an hour ago would be enough to hold him over for the duration of this mission, but that’s quickly becoming not the case. It seems almost foolish to think that it would. He’ll have to steal a few from you when K-2 isn’t looking.

[uniteordie-usa]

How Government Agents Troll Online to Divide and Confuse

http://uniteordie-usa.com/how-government-agents-troll-online-to-divide-and-confuse/ http://uniteordie-usa.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/government-agents-trolls-hired-to-argue-and-cause-dissension-on-line-20803294.png How Government Agents Troll Online to Divide and Confuse The real story of online deception isn’t about the Russians. Sure, the Russians certainly have their own programs to disrupt and steer online discourse. But how quickly the public has forgotten about the U.S. government’s own internet troll program. Edward Snowden leaked documents used by the “F...

The real story of online deception isn’t about the Russians. Sure, the Russians certainly have their own programs to disrupt and steer online discourse. But how quickly the public has forgotten about the U.S. government’s own internet troll program.

Edward Snowden leaked documents used by the “Five Eyes” alliance of governments. The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia–basically Oceania from 1984–get together to spy on each other’s citizens. That’s how they cleverly get around laws against spying on their own citizens.

The leaked documents included a presentation about how government agents should disrupt online discourse.

There is a lot of overlap between these tactics, and often more than one are used simultaneously. For example, there has been a big push by the media to convince you that the end of net neutrality is a bad thing. They are masking the true nature of net neutrality–it really gives the government power to regulate aspects of the internet. And then they repackage net neutrality as necessary for freedom and open access to the internet.

When deploying government sponsored trolls online, the agents will mimic real commenters in order to sound more believable. They gain credibility since people are more likely to trust those they perceive as similar to them.

Sometimes government agents invent a crazy story and attribute it to a movement. This discredits the movement. Think Flat Earth Theory. Those primed to believe conspiracy theories get sucked in. Then all the true conspiracies are grouped in with the bogus one.

If a true conspiracy theory comes out, they invent 100 others to obscure the real one. In order for the truth to be lost among the falsities, they invent various levels of “conspiracy theories” from the slightly believable, to the absurd.

Hillary Clinton really is a corrupt psychopath. But she is not a shape-shifting reptilian alien.

From the evidence, it seems the United States government was in some way involved in the 2001 attacks on the twin towers. But did they use holograms of the planes, and fire a laser into the towers? Probably not.

The conspiracies become too unbelievable to some, and they throw the truth out with the government manufactured lies. For those that do believe the false details of a true conspiracy, they walk away with an inflated sense of how powerful and all knowing the government really is.

This also works to the government’s benefit. The over-the-top conspiracy theories become the decoy. They can then exploit those beliefs to create cognitive stress, which is another tactic of control.

Trump is the ultimate manifestation of their tactics to control attention. Trump is a big move which does a lot of masking the small moves. The media pays attention to his tweets, not his actions. When he does push for legislation, like a repeal of Obamacare, and it fails, attention drops because that seems to be the end of that.

And every time this happens, vigilance wanes. Another tweet, another legislative failure, another snub? We get it. But do we really get it?

Repetition. By now we are so used to misconduct by government officials, we just don’t pay attention anymore. Yet when the story about Pizzagate came to light, it was grouped in with conspiracy theories. No need to investigate. We were primed to put that story into the false category. But the new cue is sexual assault, and we are primed to believe any accusation, regardless of the evidence.

In efforts to demonize Bitcoin, many of these tactics are used. I’m not saying Bitcoin is beyond criticism. But I’ve seen commenters claim it was created by the CIA. That is just silly.

More likely, the government exploits the distrust libertarians tend to have in government in order to cast doubt on the legitimacy of cryptocurrencies. That means fewer people will adopt technology that has the potential to bring down the worldwide banking cartel and free people from the shackles of government monetary policy.

White Nationalists and AntiFa are right out of this playbook. Each exploits the beliefs of the “other side.” The left is primed to assume anyone who disagrees with them is secretly a racist white supremacist. And the right is primed to believe the left is full of violent fanatics who want to implement a communist coup.

To be sure, some of these people exist in the real world. So government agents seize on this and magnify it with their own agents. By doing this, they cause unsuspecting citizens to join the fray. Behavior is influenced by our peers. So the perception that something is widespread or normal makes people more likely to follow the crowd.

Notice how they mention Cialdini in there? Robert B. Cialdini wrote the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. I recommend reading it, not so that you can manipulate others, but so that you can prevent yourself from being manipulated.

He describes how to trigger shortcuts people use in their mental processes. For instance, a higher price usually means higher quality, so often people assume a higher priced item will be better made. But this works in many areas. People might assume a southern accent makes someone a racist, or USDA approval means healthy. Cialdini also goes into how people are influenced by social proof, gift giving, making commitments, and a sense of inclusion. It is no surprise that the government would use these advertising and sales tactics to push their agenda online.

An Obama policy adviser, Cass Sunstein, wrote a paper in 2008 which suggests using these tactics.

Those who subscribe to conspiracy theories may create serious risks, including risks of violence, and the existence of such theories raises significant challenges for policy and law. The first challenge is to understand the mechanisms by which conspiracy theories prosper; the second challenge is to understand how such theories might be undermined… Because those who hold conspiracy theories typically suffer from a crippled epistemology, in accordance with which it is rational to hold such theories, the best response consists in cognitive infiltration of extremist groups.

Sunstein later went on to serve on the NSA review panel.

But finally, here’s the real head spinner.

The documents mention a Haversack Ruse. This ruse involves planting false information by making the enemy think you accidentally lost it. The target thinks they got their hands on your actual plans. But in reality, they acquired fake plans.

For instance, was Edward Snowden really a leaker, or was he told to drop all this “evidence” in order to distract from what is really happening?

In such a case, the intelligence officers would be laughing their asses off. They had the balls to put the Haversack reference into a fake document that was intentionally leaked as a ruse. This fits with the elite’s serial-killer-like tendency to leave hints of their true agenda in plain sight.

That means one of two things.

Either these documents are not part of a ruse and everything in them is true.

Or, these documents are part of a Haversack Ruse. But why would the government leak these damning documents which prove their lies and untrustworthiness?

Only if the truth is so much worse.

Read More: http://www.thedailybell.com/news-analysis/how-government-agents-troll-online-to-divide-and-confuse/

[djgblogger-blog]

Economist who helped behavioral 'nudges' go mainstream wins Nobel

http://bit.ly/2fXD82J

As a founder of behavioral economics, Thaler has helped change the way economists look at the world. AP Photo/Paul Beaty

The 2017 Nobel Prize in economics was awarded to University of Chicago’s Richard Thaler for his work in behavioral economics, which is the integration of economics with psychology.

While the award was not a total surprise, since Thaler’s name was floated earlier on the list of potential winners, it highlights the growing importance of incorporating how humans actually behave into economic thinking. It marks the second time a pioneer in the burgeoning field of behavioral economics – which hardly existed a few decades ago – has won a Nobel, the first being psychologist Daniel Kahneman in 2002.

It may be hard to believe, but before these scholars came along, many economists assumed that humans acted like Spock on “Star Trek.” People were supposed to be perfectly rational calculating machines that looked at all the information and made correct choices. However, even a most casual view of the real world suggests this is not a good assumption.

So who is Thaler and what’s so important about his work?

Before Thaler and his peers came along, economists assumed people behaved a lot like Spock. AP Photo/Bob Galbraith

Thaler’s impact

Richard Thaler was born in 1945 in East Orange, New Jersey. He studied at Case Western and the University of Rochester, where he earned a Ph.D. in economics in 1974.

His doctoral thesis offered one of the earliest estimates of the value of saving a life, calculations that governments and businesses use to determine how much they should spend to prevent fatalities. For example, when the government is considering new air quality regulations that will cost companies money, it compares the price tag against the value of lives saved if the changes are implemented.

Thaler estimated that a life saved was worth about US$200,000 in 1967 dollars, or about $1.5 million in 2017 terms. Today, government agencies value a life five to six times higher than that.

Thaler may be best-known for the bestselling book “Nudge,” which he co-wrote with Harvard law professor Cass Sunstein. “Nudge” is credited with inspiring former Prime Minster David Cameron to create the U.K.‘s Behavioral Insights Team, which uses psychological principles to improve the effectiveness of public services. Former President Barack Obama set up a similar group in the White House.

Thaler and Sunstein argue people should not be forced to do things with bans or laws. Instead, small interventions, or nudges, that make the right choice easier are the best way to go. They offer examples such as putting healthy food where people can see and reach it easily while relegating unhealthy options to out-of-the-way spots. Since people usually make the easy choice, moving food around will result in less junk food being eaten.

Another example is making automatic retirement contributions the default choice when someone begins a new job. This means new employees will have to fill out paperwork to stop contributions instead of to start them. As a result, more people save for retirement.

More specifically, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences selected Thaler for his work in three areas: “limited rationality,” “social preferences” and “lack of self-control.”

Thaler and Sunstein showed how making healthier options more visible makes it more likely people will choose them. AP Photo/Hans Pennink

Limits of our reason

Thaler pointed out that because people often can’t solve many problems in their economic lives, they simplify and use rules of thumb. These simplifications, however, lead to strange and sometimes bad choices.

Mental accounting is one area of strange choices that Thaler was the first to identify. Because our financial lives are complex, we mentally put money in separate buckets and spend only the money available in that bucket.

For example, Thaler describes a couple who receives $300 in cash compensation from an airline for lost baggage. The couple takes the $300 and spends it on a fancy dinner. They splurged for the dinner only because, in their heads, they classified $300 as a windfall. But if their salaries had simply increased by a total of $300, they would likely not have splurged on eating out but instead mentally classified the extra money as spending for rent and other bills.

Adding emotion to economics

He also won the Nobel for his work on social preferences and fairness.

Thaler, with co-authors Kahneman and Canadian economist Jack Knetsch, showed in 1986 how customers don’t expect companies to maximize profits in all situations. For example, when there’s a blizzard, people don’t expect stores to raise the price of shovels, even though demand will naturally soar as the snow piles up. Thaler and his co-authors showed that customers will tend to punish businesses that do. This is a surprising result since it shows that businesses that maximize profits in the short term, as many do, can be penalized in the long term if customers think the companies are acting unfairly.

This work has relevance today for understanding consumers’ reactions to drug companies pushing prescription drug prices ever higher and to businesses price-gouging after hurricanes. Thaler points out that emotions, like feelings about fairness, are an important but overlooked area of economics.

Daniel Kahneman makes a toast with his wife Anne Treisman after winning the Nobel Prize in economics. AP Photo/Daniel Hulshizer

Paying for self-control

A third area cited by the Swedish Academy was the contribution Thaler and economist Hersh Shefrin made on ideas about self-control.

The economists noted that people spend money to avoid making poor choices or to avoid engaging in the wrong kinds of behaviors. For example, Thaler and Shefrin wrote that people “pay to go to ‘fat farms’ which essentially are resorts that promise not to feed their customers.”

Individuals not only pay for self-control but also create special rules to ensure they don’t go beyond self-imposed limits. Smokers, for instance, often buy cigarettes by the pack instead of by the carton. This ensures they smoke less each day, even though they pay more per cigarette.

Thaler’s work on self-control is becoming more important as the internet and almost instant delivery make more of the world’s temptations easier to access without waiting. Understanding how people actually operate results in better public policies that can achieve the same results without costing people money.

Even though regular smokers would save money by buying cigarettes by the carton, many purchase one pack at a time as a means of self-control. AP Photo/Ed Wray

It’s all about us

The award is worth 9 million Swedish kronor, which at today’s exchange rate is about $1.1 million. Unfortunately for Thaler, since he is an American, the entire award is taxable income – unless it is donated to a charity.

Asked how he would spend the money, he said: “This is quite a funny question… I will try to spend it as irrationally as possible.”

The Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Science, the only award not created by Alfred Nobel in his will, also brings enormous prestige to the winner. Economist Friedrich Hayek, who won the prize in 1974, said it confers on an individual an “influence over laymen: politicians, journalists, civil servants and the public generally.”

Beyond this influence, why should you care? The list of past economics Nobel Prize winners contains many people whose work is fascinating to economists but whose relevance to the lives of regular people is tenuous.

Richard Thaler’s work, however, has direct relevance for pretty much everyone. His early research helps save lives. His later research helps people save for retirement and helps save us from our own worst tendencies. The Swedish Academy made an astute choice in lauding his work.

Jay L. Zagorsky does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond the academic appointment above.

[sherristockman]

‘Ride the Tiger’ — a Documentary About the Bipolar Brain Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola An estimated 5.1 million Americans have bipolar disorder,1 also known as manic-depressive illness, which is characterized by unusual and typically dramatic shifts in mood and energy. Emotions tend to be intense, with the patient seesawing between ecstatic joy and hopeless depression. Hallucinations and delusions of grandeur are common during the manic phase, leading the patient to engage in risky and irrational behaviors, such as not looking both ways before crossing the street because they think they're invincible, or jumping out of a window, convinced they can fly. The PBS documentary, "Ride the Tiger: A Guide Through the Bipolar Brain,"2 originally aired on April, 2016, explores our current understanding of the illness, and puts a human face on the struggle with commentary by those challenged with it. Highly accomplished individuals diagnosed with bipolar featured in the program include actress Patty Duke, who was diagnosed in 1982, and Patrick Kennedy, a former U.S. Representative. By seeking to understand how the bipolar brain malfunctions, researchers believe they can get closer to understanding the inner workings of the brain, potentially unlocking treatments for other types of psychiatric problems as well. Drugs Versus Lifestyle While medication is typically the first-line of treatment for bipolar and other mental illnesses, they can take up to two months to work and are often frustratingly ineffective. Lithium is a "gold standard" treatment for bipolar, but even lithium works for only one-third of patients. Another drug shown to offer relief from severe depression and bipolar depression within mere hours of administration is ketamine, a dissociative anesthetic normally used for starting and maintaining anesthesia. Research suggests ketamine helps induce neuroplasticity, allowing your brain to grow new neurons and connections. However, this drug also fails to work in many, and often fails to provide long-lasting relief. When it comes to treatment, lifestyle changes are often the most powerful, and as noted in the program, need to be included in the treatment if it is to be successful. This includes: Maintaining a regular sleep cycle Exercising Addressing your diet and avoiding stimulants such as caffeine, drugs and alcohol Stress relief Maintaining healthy emotional connections with family and friends Scientists are also turning to more novel strategies in an effort to control the illness, seeking ways to possibly "preempt, fix or rewire" the patient's brain back to normal. Treatments That Help Rewire the Brain Optogenetics is one such strategy. The technique involves the use of light and light-responsive proteins to control neuronal activity. Using this technique, the scientist can control not only the physical movement of the subject, but also the behavior. For example, by shining a light on a specific gene-altered neuron, it can dial down the activity to reduce anxiety. Kafui Dzirasa, Ph.D., has taken it a step further, creating what he calls a closed loop actuator. Using brain map data obtained through optogenetics, the closed loop actuator circumvents "broken" or dysfunctional areas between neurons to reestablish normal communication in that specific area of the brain. The upside of this is that you're only stimulating and correcting the area that needs it. Drugs, on the other hand, affect the brain in its entirety, for better or worse. While it may correct one problem, it often creates others. While showing great promise, Dzirasa is not about to implant the device in human brains any time soon. But he hopes the device may eventually lead to other treatment strategies. Other devices used in the treatment of bipolar disorder and severe depression include: Deep brain stimulation, which acts much like a pacemaker for the brain, using electrical impulses to stimulate certain brain areas to regulate mood Electroconvulsive therapy, which has been shown to induce remission in up to 80 percent of patients and appears particularly effective for those with bipolar depression. One significant drawback is the potential for permanent memory loss Transcranial magnetic stimulation, a noninvasive procedure using magnetic fields to stimulate brain cells These techniques basically employ electricity or magnetism as a way to change the way neurons connect, allowing your brain to create new neuronal connections and pathways (neuroplasticity), thereby bypassing the "traffic jam" that's blocking normal communication between the neurons. But such devices are not the only way to rewire your thought circuits. Talk therapy, meditation, prayer and "positive thinking" have also been shown to have a distinct and positive influence on the wiring in your brain. Nutrition Is Essential for Proper Brain Function Download Interview Transcript An estimated 1 in 20 Americans over the age of 12 struggles with depression.3 Dr. Hyla Cass, a psychiatrist who uses integrative medicine in her practice, places great focus on nutrition and healthy lifestyle habits. As mentioned earlier, this is crucial regardless of what type of mental disorder you're facing. One of Cass' mentors was Dr. Abram Hoffer, a co-founder of orthomolecular medicine, which refers to the concept of nutritional deficiencies being a source of mental illness. In particular, Hoffer used high doses of niacin (B3) to successfully treat schizophrenics. Amazingly, he was able to get many of these severely ill mental patients well enough to get married and go on to lead normal lives. As it turns out, pellagra, a disorder caused by extreme niacin deficiency, produces the same psychiatric symptoms found in schizophrenia. In fact, Hoffer discovered that many schizophrenic patients were niacin dependent, meaning they needed far more niacin on a regular basis than normal in order to remain well. Other researchers have found niacin may also be successfully used in the treatment of other mental disorders, such as attention deficit disorder, general psychosis, anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Food sensitivities can also play a role. For example, gluten can produce symptoms of depression if you're sensitive to it. In such a case, the key is to remove gluten from your diet entirely. You cannot simply cut down. It must be removed completely. Cass has seen many patients recover from severe depression when going gluten-free. It's also important to avoid junk food, as it promotes gut inflammation. According to Cass, one of the first steps in addressing a mental health problem is to clean up your diet and address your gut health. Otherwise, you'll have virtually no chance of getting emotionally and mentally well. On her website, CassMD.com, you can find a free report called "Reclaim Your Brain," which details nutritional substances you can use to address conditions like anxiety and depression. Nutritional Deficiencies Implicated in Psychiatric Disorders In one recent meta-analysis, fish oil, vitamin D, methylfolate (an effective form of folic acid) and S-adenosylmethionine (SAMe) were found to improve the effectiveness of serotonin reuptake inhibitors, serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors and tricyclic antidepressants.4,5,6 Fish oil produced the most significant improvement, which makes sense if you understand the importance of animal-based omega-3 for brain health. Although not studied, krill oil would likely do better, and clean fish would do the best. In fact, considering antidepressants have the clinical effectiveness of a placebo,7,8,9,10 it's no wonder nutritional supplements can "boost" the drugs' effectiveness. The supplements may well have been the true benefit, but that possibility was not taken into consideration in this analysis. Still, studies have shown that both omega-3 and vitamin D11 can improve mental health all on their own. The 2001 book, "The Omega-3 Connection," written by Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Stoll, was among the first works to bring attention to and support the use of omega-3 fats for depression. Omega-3s have also been shown to improve more serious mental disorders, including schizophrenia, psychosis and bipolar disorder.12 While there's no set recommended dose of omega-3 fats, some health organizations recommend a daily dose of 250 to 500 milligrams (mg) of EPA and DHA for healthy adults. If you suffer from depression, higher doses may be called for. In one study,13 an omega-3 supplement with a dose range of 200 to 2,200 mg of EPA per day was effective against primary depression. As for vitamin D, researchers have suggested vitamin D may play a role in depression by regulating brain chemicals called monoamines, which include serotonin.14 As a general rule, depressed individuals have lower vitamin D levels than non-depressed people,15 and having a vitamin D level below 20 ng/mL can raise your risk of depression by 85 percent compared to having a level greater than 30 ng/mL.16 B vitamins are also really important for proper brain function, and deficiencies of one or more B vitamins can result in psychiatric symptoms. For example, vitamin B12 deficiency can trigger confusion, agitation, depression,17 mania, psychosis and paranoid delusions.18,19 One recent study20,21 found vitamins B6, B8 (inositol) and B12 in combination were very effective for improving schizophrenic symptoms when taken in high doses — more so than standard drug treatments alone. Low doses were ineffective. Lowering Inflammation Is Important for Mental Health Studies have also linked depression to chronic inflammation and dysfunction of the gut-brain axis.22 One likely theory as to why certain nutrients work so well for depression is because they are potent anti-inflammatories. Indeed, many studies have confirmed that treating gastrointestinal inflammation helps improve symptoms of depression.23 The gut-brain connection is well-recognized as a basic tenet of physiology and medicine, so this isn't all that surprising, even though it's often overlooked. A previous article24 titled "Are probiotics the new Prozac?" reviews some of the supporting evidence. For example, animal research has linked changes in gut flora to changes in affective behaviors, and in humans, probiotics (beneficial bacteria) have been shown to alter brain function.25 Previous research has also shown that certain probiotics can help alleviate anxiety. For example, one study26 found the probiotic Bifidobacterium longum NCC3001 normalized anxiety-like behavior in mice with infectious colitis by modulating the vagal pathways within the gut-brain. Other research27 found that the probiotic Lactobacillus rhamnosus had a marked effect on GABA levels — an inhibitory neurotransmitter involved in regulating many physiological and psychological processes — in certain brain regions and lowered the stress-induced hormone corticosterone, resulting in reduced anxiety- and depression-related behavior. (It is likely other lactobacillus species also provide this benefit, but this was the only one that was tested.) Gut Bacteria May Play a Role in Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia Researchers have also found strong connections between the gut microbiome and schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.28 As recently reported by Psych Central:29 "The gut and the brain are connected by what is called the enteric nervous system [ENS]. While the ENS can act independently, it can also influence the central nervous system. It does this through millions of neurons as well as neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, glutamate and norepinephrine. When one of these systems dysfunctions, it can heavily impact the other, causing symptoms of depression and anxiety. One way the digestive system can dysfunction is with an alteration in the gut's microbiome. The immune system is also vulnerable to changes in the microbiome … Part of the immune response to harmful microorganisms is inflammation. This inflammation occurs throughout the body, including areas around the brain, which can trigger or worsen symptoms of bipolar disorder." For example, studies have found: Schizophrenics have less biodiversity overall and 400 times higher population of lactic acid producing bacteria than healthy individuals. Certain metabolic pathways differ as well, including those for glutamate and vitamin B1230 Schizophrenics also have significantly higher amounts of Lactobacillus phage phiadh, a microorganism associated with a higher risk for diabetes, than healthy controls31 Those with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia tend to have chronic low-grade inflammation, associated with gut dysfunction and an imbalanced gut microbiome People with bipolar or schizophrenia also have elevated levels of antibodies against Saccharomyces cerevisiae, a yeast associated with Crohn's disease. Many are also sensitive to lactose and gluten, which can trigger inflammation32 Individuals hospitalized with acute mania have increased exposure to antibiotics.33 While the authors suggested this finding means these patients tend to have higher rates of bacterial infections, this link could also point at the hazards associated with killing off your microbiome with antibiotics, which decimate both good and bad bacteria without discrimination Holistic Mental Health Suggestions Regardless of the nature or severity of your mental health problem, in order to successfully treat it, you need to take a holistic approach. Rarely will medication be the sole answer. Following are some guidelines and suggestions — presented in no particular order — to keep in mind. ✓ Withdraw from antidepressants and other drugs under medical supervision If you're currently on an antidepressant and want to get off it, ideally you'll want to have the cooperation of your prescribing physician. Some are happy to help you to withdraw if they know you're going to be responsible about it. Others may not want to bother, or they don't believe you can get off the medication. As noted by Cass, you may need to do some reading in order to be better prepared. Dr. Joseph Glennmullen from Harvard wrote a very helpful book on how to withdraw called "The Antidepressant Solution." You can also turn to an organization with a referral list of doctors who practice more biologically or naturally, such as the American College for Advancement in Medicine www.ACAM.org. Once you have the cooperation of your prescribing physician, start lowering the dosage of the medication you're taking. As noted by Cass, there are protocols for gradually reducing the dose that your doctor should be well aware of. At the same time, start taking a multivitamin. Start taking low doses. If you're quitting an SSRI under doctor supervision, Cass suggests going on a low dose of 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP). For bipolar patients, holistic psychiatrists may prescribe nutritional supplements such as fish oil (omega-3 fats), inositol, niacin, tryptophan and others, depending on your individual needs. ✓ Address Lyme disease Bipolar symptoms can also be related to Lyme disease, so if Lyme infection is present, that needs to be addressed, also by a more functionally oriented doctor. ✓ Combat inflammation Keeping inflammation in check is an important part of any effective treatment plan. If you're gluten sensitive, you will need to remove all gluten from your diet. A food sensitivity test can help ascertain this. Switching to a whole food diet as described in my optimal nutrition plan can go a long way toward lowering the inflammation level in your body and brain. ✓ Optimize your vitamin D level Vitamin D deficiency is another important biological factor that can play a significant role in mental health, especially depression. A double-blind randomized trial34 published in 2008 concluded that supplementing with high doses of vitamin D "seems to ameliorate these symptoms indicating a possible causal relationship." Recent research35 also claims that low vitamin D levels appear to be associated with suicide attempts. Ideally, maintain your vitamin D level between 40 and 60 ng/mL year-round. If you cannot get sufficient sun exposure to maintain this level, taking an oral vitamin D3 supplement would be advisable. Just remember to also take vitamin K2 and magnesium, as these all work together. ✓ Nourish your gut microbiome Reducing gut inflammation is imperative when addressing mental health issues,36 so optimizing your gut flora is a critical piece. To promote healthy gut flora, increase your consumption of fiber and probiotic foods, such as fermented vegetables, kimchee, natto, kefir and others. ✓ Clean up your sleep hygiene Make sure you're getting enough high quality sleep, as sleep is essential for optimal mood and mental health. A fitness tracker that tracks your sleep can be a useful tool. According to Cass, the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep can be due to elevated cortisol levels, so if you have trouble sleeping, you may want to get your saliva cortisol level tested with an Adrenal Stress Index test. If you're already taking hormones, you can try applying a small dab of progesterone cream on your neck or face when you awaken during the night and can't call back to sleep. Another alternative is to take adaptogens, herbal products that help lower cortisol and adjust your body to stress. There are also other excellent herbs and amino acids that help you to fall asleep and stay asleep. Meditation can also help. ✓ Add to your self-help tool bag Slowing your breathing using the Butyenko breathing technique increases your partial pressure of carbon dioxide (CO2), which has enormous psychological benefits and can quickly reduce anxiety. Other helpful tools include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). EFT is well-studied, and research shows it can significantly increase positive emotions and decrease negative emotional states. One scientific review found statistically significant benefits in using EFT for anxiety, depression, PTSD and phobias. EFT is particularly powerful for treating stress and anxiety because it specifically targets your amygdala and hippocampus, which are the parts of your brain that help you decide whether or not something is a threat.37,38 For serious or complex issues, seek out a qualified health care professional that is trained in EFT39 to help guide you through the process. ✓ Eat real food and avoid all processed foods High sugar and starchy nonfiber carbohydrates lead to excessive insulin release, which can result in falling blood sugar levels, or hypoglycemia. In turn, hypoglycemia causes your brain to secrete glutamate in levels that can cause agitation, depression, anger, anxiety and panic attacks. Sugar also fans the flames of inflammation in your body. In addition to being high in sugar and grains, processed foods also contain a variety of additives that can affect your brain function and mental state, especially MSG and artificial sweeteners such as aspartame. Recent research also shows that glyphosate, used in large quantities on genetically engineered crops like corn, soy and sugar beets, limits your body's ability to detoxify foreign chemical compounds. As a result, the damaging effects of those toxins are magnified, potentially resulting in a wide variety of diseases, including brain disorders that have both psychological and behavioral effects. ✓ Get adequate B vitamins Vitamin B12 deficiency can contribute to depression and affects one in four people. Niacin (B3), B6, biotin (B8) and folate (B9) deficiencies can also produce psychiatric effects. ✓ Get plenty of high quality animal-based omega-3 fats The animal-based omega-3 fats DHA and EPA are crucial for good brain function and mental health.40,41 Good sources include fatty fish that are also low in mercury, such as wild caught Alaskan salmon, sardines and anchovies. If you don't eat these types of fish on a regular basis, it would be advisable to take a high-quality omega-3 supplement such as krill oil, which has a number of benefits over fish oil, including better absorption.42 ✓ Beneficial herbs and supplements: SAMe, 5-HTP and St. John's Wort SAMe is an amino acid derivative that occurs naturally in all cells. It plays a role in many biological reactions by transferring its methyl group to DNA, proteins, phospholipids and biogenic amines. Several scientific studies indicate that SAMe may be useful in the treatment of depression. 5-HTP is another natural alternative to traditional antidepressants. When your body sets about manufacturing serotonin, it first makes 5-HTP. Taking 5-HTP as a supplement may raise serotonin levels. The evidence suggests 5-HTP outperforms a placebo when it comes to alleviating depression43 — more than can be said about antidepressants. One caveat: Anxiety and social phobias can worsen with higher levels of serotonin, so it may be contraindicated if your anxiety is already high. St. John's Wort has also been shown to provide relief from mild depressive symptoms. ✓ Get adequate daily exercise Studies show there is a strong correlation between improved mood and aerobic capacity. There's also a growing acceptance that the mind-body connection is very real, and that maintaining good physical health can significantly lower your risk of developing depression in the first place. Exercising creates new GABA-producing neurons that help induce a natural state of calm. It also boosts your levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which help buffer the effects of stress.