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#and I’m really close with my best friend irl so every close friendship makes me soooooo soft
liloinkoink · 2 days
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hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….
1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid
2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.
3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid
4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.
5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh
6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron
anyway, if anyone gets this ask:
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it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)
anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.
i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.
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hawkp · 10 months
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Do you think we’re best friends in every universe?
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ajxrn-archive · 2 months
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I need to be put in a waffle iron or something
#i am. really stressed!!#i hate being online i keep losing friends#Majority of them did shitty stuff to me and it makes me so sad#I already have trust problems so when people come and say theyll always be here for me and then the next thing i know im blocked because i#Expressed my discomfort about something shitty they did it makes those trust issues even worse#We were pretty close and now i regret telling him shit because he could use it against me#And im starting to fall out with my “best friend” irl. Everything is making me sick#I can’t do this anymore I really want to disappear#There has to be something about me so repulsive to people#That i just turn them away#its gonna be like that for the rest of my life isnt it? I probably wont even get a partner in the future#I just don’t know why I fuck up every friendship so bad even if it wasnt. My fault#I shouldve kept my mouth shut even if i was uncomfortable#my last friendships ended like this too#I caused a huge server fight by saying I was uncomfy and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me now because of it#even though some said they werent#I am just really lonely and feel like a piece of shit#Because I am one#I don’t really know if I want to keep being here anymore#I genuinely think nobody likes me#Even when I was in school nobody liked me#I was the “weird girl”#I just wish I was normal and likeable and then maybe I’d have friends irl#I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’ve considered suicide over it multiple times#I ruin everything#My friendships. My life. My parents marriage. My art. Everything.#I doubt anyone will read this or gaf so just. ignore me
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davilasinfiltro · 5 months
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Badboyhalo gets advice from Reddit
Bad panics after Skeppy releases Best Friend and decides to ask for relationship advice on Reddit because he doesn’t know who else to turn to
979 words
r/relationship_advice u/throwaway132166922
My (M29) best friend (M23) made a song about me and I don’t know how to feel about it.
I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m so paranoid about anyone finding out who I am but I frequent this subreddit a lot and can't find anyone who is in the same situation as me. I also don’t know who I can even talk to about this since we have a lot of mutual friends. If this gets too much traction I’m deleting it quickly, here goes nothing >_<
Here’s the context, me and my friend have known each other online for a while and have been friends for around 4 years (my friends poke fun that we have our ‘anniversary’ memorized but I digress.) We’ve half heartedly been making plans to meetup for the past few years. What can I say? I don’t like leaving the house and never really had the urge to meet any of my online friends. I’d argue that you could have a meaningful relationship with someone and never meet them irl. Anyways, I never took these conversations too seriously. I would always say I’m not ready yet, it’s too close to the holidays, who’s going to take care of my dog? The one time we did have concrete plans I was sick with covid and I had a long recovery. And we just never followed up with a reschedule.
I never knew how much this affected my friend until he wrote this sort of… rap and produced it with one of our mutual friends. He insults me, saying I have a massive ego, I’m a psycho, it’s my fault I made him ‘feel blue,’ and immediately backtracks and compliments me. There’s another lyric that says I’m pushing him away and if I’m hiding something? This part I have to quote verbatim because it’s the part I understand the least,
“I can’t really say my true intentions
It’s all just miscommunication
Please don’t take it the wrong way
I love you dude and I hope we’re okay”
And that’s how it ends. Meanwhile, I had no clue my friend was having this type of conflicting feelings about me. Or how much us meeting up meant to him. Yeah maybe we’d go from talking every day to messaging each other only semi frequently but that’s just the evolution of a friendship right? We were both getting busier as our respective careers became more time-consuming but that’s nobody’s fault, is it? I know I should apologize to him for never taking his requests for us to meetup too seriously but I think there’s something else under the surface.
Does he want to confess to me? I keep going back to that lyric, “I can’t really say my true intentions.” He’s pretty much ripped his heart out on this song but there’s /one/ thing he can’t say to me? Does it have to do with him wanting to preserve our friendship, that it’ll be strained in some way if he confesses? I don’t know what gives him that impression, a lot of our friends are lgbt+. Heck, a lot of them make jokes that we like each other already. Anyways, there shouldn’t be anything deterring him from confessing if that’s what he is trying to do. Or not trying to do.
Any advice is appreciated. I still haven’t said anything to him directly since he made that song.
u/amycat1203
Whatever you two have going on is gayer than any gay person I know irl
-> Reply u/throwaway132166922
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that -_-
u/justadudelmao
This is too outrageous to be fake, so I’m trying to take this seriously. It sounds like y’all have some shit to talk out in person. If the next message you send him isn’t a confirmation for a plane ticket you’re the problem
-> Reply u/throwaway132166922
If I travel to him it won’t be by plane, I have a phobia. But you’re right :/ I need to make it up to him soon if this is how he feels about us not meeting up
u/matchmakingismypassion
Maybe he has reason to believe you wouldn’t want him to confess to you. How do you react to the jokes your friends make about you together? Do you even reciprocate any possible romantic feelings to him?
->Reply u/throwaway132166922
It’s complicated, early on in our friendship he’d flirt with me as a troll and I’d always politely turn him down. I’ve known about him for so long, even before he was 18. I wasn’t comfortable indulging in this kind of joke. So even if he was 19 when he made these comments, he felt too young for me. He grew out of it and eventually we were inseparable as best friends, to the point that our mutual friends would tease us. Both of us would casually deny anything to our friends but honestly, I wouldn’t mind dating him if he made the first move. But you understand why I can’t make the first move, right?
->Reply u/matchmakingismypassion
To me it sounds like he shouldn’t make the first move either if all he’s ever heard from you is rejection. Especially if you can’t even make the effort to meetup, something he obviously wants from you. He made the song as a plea to start an open dialogue, and that starts with you bud.
u/skephalofan141414
EVERYONE. THIS STORY IS FAKE. This is some guy pretending to be Badboyhalo about the song Skeppy made called “Best Friend” on youtube. You’re a weirdo trying to karma farm off of a story that isn’t yours to tell
->Reply u/thisteaishotaf
Who??? Link please???
->Reply u/skephalofan141414
https://youtu.be/skDch34PtEM?si=Usxbm6LXisq9xWCD
->Reply u/thisteaishotaf
Why the fuck would his friend post this on a minecraft channel LMAO
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jadetheblueartist · 15 days
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Does anybody have any tips for actually meeting people and making genuine connections irl? Bc I (an extremely anxious autistic) do not get it. (Kinda vent ahead ig?)
I feel like school is the place a lot of people my age would do that, but I don’t get how that works bc during school I just do school. Then there are some activities outside of school, but they’re all so stressful I can barely go to any of them. Lots of loud and crowded environments for hours on end.
And when I do manage to talk to people and be friendly, it always seems like such a surface level ritual. Hi, how are you, oh I’m doing good, that’s great, niceties, niceties, etc. I don’t feel like I’m making any real connections with anyone I’m around, which I assume I’d try to help by being around them more, but it’s very difficult for me to do that bc all the times I could be around them more I just feel like throwing up, sobbing, and running away simultaneously.
It probably doesn’t help that my only experience with friendship so far has been family and what at least started as a sort of online friend. I made my first actual friend in Covid since we went to the same school and bonded over an acquaintance’s story that she wrote (special interest) during Covid. We messaged a bunch before actually talking irl and then when we did it was easy bc it was about an interest. But since they outgrew the interest we kinda drifted and now I’m back at square one. That’s why online friends seem so dope I think. This is the only way I’ve known to make friends.
But I don’t really know what to do now. I vaguely know I few people at the new school I’m at, and they seem fine. But I don’t really see it going anywhere past friendly acquaintances. And I try to be nice and stuff? But I do t really know how I come off so maybe I’m messing it up.
According to my mother (who was one of the teachers at my old very small school), people liked me. However, I’m 80% sure people like the polite people pleaser that I was for most of my life. Once I started having opinions, standing up for my beliefs, and disagreeing with people, I started to notice a shift. The reason my best friend and I stopped talking was bc I developed beliefs, and we didn’t match up at all. And I’m not exactly upset since I like that I’m able to have opinions now, but I think people just didn’t see a reason to really care one way or another, but since I was polite they were chill. I still wanna be nice but I’d also like to have opinions without running people off.
I wouldn’t really be too concerned with this if not for the fact that my mom is always worried about me not having irl friends. I’ve made peace with being alone since I like it most of the time anyway and have come to learn to be more independent (since my last friendship was really just me attaching to her as a comfort person I think). And I kinda don’t want to “waste time” on a relationship since this is my last year of high school and most people don’t stay friends after high school. I literally haven’t talked to any of the people I’d been “friends” with for seven years since the end of the last school year. But I still feel like having a friend would be good, I just don’t want it to be for nothing and end as soon as we aren’t near each other every day.
Then I think, well maybe this is just gonna be really difficult. Maybe this is how being autistic can be disabling. I kinda want to tell my mom this and hope she’d try to do something else but think she’d just pull a “you can’t use that as an excuse.” Right now it just seems like she doesn’t get it completely. Like yes, I’d like friends, but going away to a random place to congregate with peers I barely know in a very close area with risks of being touched for an entire day? That makes it very difficult.
And I also feel like everybody will kinda suck. Like this is a private Christian school I’m at so why can’t people just stop using slurs and making fun of disabled people? I probably have too high standards or something, but since I’m fine with being alone idk that it matters too much. My mom just wanted to put me in a bigger school for more friend opportunities, so if I don’t make friends I feel like she’s gonna be upset and think that I’m not trying but I am it’s just really hard.
Idk this kinda went all over the place, I just need some advice. How and where do you people make friends?
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therianhelp · 6 months
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help how do i talk to people online. (context, i found a therian buddy in my area on tiktok and im trying to strike up a friendship. I know there a minor and close to my age, so no worries for groomers/pedos and such, only about three years apart.Ive had friends in this range so its not much a worry for me. We've started chatting through discord and im trying to keep up conversation but ive always had diffulculty keeping conversation in private dms.)
thanks for the Ask! it sounds like you struggle to keep in contact even when you want to - by no means do I have it all figured out, but as an Autistic person I can relate, so maybe I can offer some advice:
1. It might help maintain the relationship through periods of low or no contact if you explain to them ahead of time that you tend to do that due to [whatever reason it may be - Autism, depression, life circumstances, etc] but that you do in fact wanna stay friends even if you can’t talk for a while
2. assuming you’ve established some level of friendship, and especially if you’ve explained the above, it’s okay to message them out of the blue after a few days, a week, or even multiple weeks of silence. for me, it feels less and less possible to restart communication the more time goes on, but if you both wanna be friends they’ll just be glad to hear from you
3. you don’t have to have a good reason to message them - while a life update like “I aced my test last friday” is perfectly valid, you don’t need to wait for something like that to happen to text about. just send them memes/tiktoks/etc, even out of context, or with a “thought you’d like this” or something. you can also ask them how they’re doing, especially if you can remember something specific to ask about (like “how was your trip to the zoo?”), or even just say “hey I’d like to talk but I’ve been having a really hard time getting myself to send this, is there anything you wanna talk about?”
4. you also don’t have to apologise every time you message for not having messaged sooner. I know it feels bad to not be able to keep up frequent communication, but ime it’s less harmful to the relationship if you kinda just pick up where you left off like no time has passed
I do feel obligated to be the boring nagging adult for a second though: please do be careful with trusting people based on assumptions, eg. “they’re my age, so they can’t be a pedo.” of course it’s perfectly possible (arguably even most likely) that they are just a normal therian kid tryna make friends, but especially if you haven’t seen them in live video, they could also be a grown perv just telling you they’re your age to lower your defences. plus, kids your age can be dangerous too, especially if you meet up in person (since you said they’re in your area); they could turn out to be a not-great person or come with an adult who has bad intentions. I’m just saying, keep an eye out for red flags regardless of categories (like, just because someone’s female, for example, doesn’t mean they’re safe to meet alone). practice standard safety things like telling trusted people in your life about this person, and especially if you do meet up irl, tell people where you’re going and when you’ll be back, only meet in very public places, etc
but hopefully (and odds are that) they’re just another kid you can share cool quadrobics videos with. wishing you the best of luck in making and keeping good friends!
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cherrypeaking · 1 year
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hi cherry berry~
was gonna wait for tonight to send this to u but im feeling rlly soft rn hehe
ur writing.. so fucking good cherry. so so good. you word things perfectly and never have i ever feel the need to reread things while im in the zone because you write that well. not to mention your ideas and how well you execute them into your story is so well thought out and whshwushsjsn fangirling frfr
youre also always so fucking sweet and wholesome :c a day never goes by where i dont at least smile at ur kind words and sweet encouragement. every single time i talk to you is like flowers blossoming in the garden. ik you know how much i adore your friendship w crystal <3 but im gonna say how much i love it again.
i struggle with keeping friends irl, online it seems to be the opposite,, but those who are extremely close to me arent all that great and can sometimes be.. just not there when i need them most. so thank you for taking the time out of ur day to talk to me. it makes me happy
ilysm cherry <3 pls never change okie?
omg moony hiiii 🥹🩷
thank you so much for your kind words, it really reassures me that i’m writing fine and don’t confuse readers and that is so important to me 🥹🩷 i haven’t posted in a while but i plan to very soon as i’m almost done with another fic 🩷🩷 your writing is so pretty, and like i’ve said it has this duality when you switch to nsfw stuff, it becomes so sexy like you really excel at both so much!! 🥺🩷
omg thank you so much like that pulled at my heartstrings ;_; you’re so kind moony <3 i know you’ve mentioned being intimidated a little by crystal hehe i’m a little intimidated by so many writers because i feel so small compared to everyone else and when you followed me back my heart jumped >\\\< i’m really so glad you like my presence here ;3; i really love seeing you on my dash and i hope you’re doing well 🩷🩷 i’ll never forget when you said crystal and i matched with our themes and everything hehe 🤭🩷 you’re such an observant person and i love that about you 🥺
i totally understand 🥹 i struggle to make friends irl, and even online sometimes i find it hard to fit in somewhere… i hope to be there for you as much as possible 🥺🩷 i think the best way to make sure you don’t feel stuck in unbalanced friendships is to focus more on the ones who are indeed here 🩷 you make me happy by being here moony 🥺🩷🩷
i love you so much too moony!! please stay yourself and keep being you too 🥺🩷
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fruit-teeth · 2 years
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I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight while I was sobbing in my room and I feel compelled to share it for some reason so here I go
Lately I’ve been dealing a lot with trust issues. Specifically: I’m socially anxious and I have very few irl friends (and online friends for that matter, I’m socially anxious on here too), but a big part of that is that I tend to instantly assume that people either a) don’t like me, b) like me at first, but then realize I’m annoying and decide to stop talking to me or c) will end up hurting me in some way if I get too close to them. These fears of mine are, as I’ve come to realize, a reflection of things that actually did occur during my life.
I had a friend who I thought of as my best friend for many, many years, only to have her randomly stop talking to me and join a completely different friend group. The last time I saw her, she barely said hello to me and acted like I was just an acquaintance. That encounter upset me so badly that I remember hiding in the bathroom and trying not to cry because I was so heartbroken. Even though it’s been years since then (this happened my senior year of high school and I’m an adult now), it led to a spiral of shame, anger, and resentment that eventually led to me deciding I would never call someone my best friend again. Not only that, but that same year, I had my high school graduation party, and I’m not even exaggerating when I say that NONE, and I mean NONE of my friends or really even any of my classmates showed up. I felt extremely betrayed by this, even more so when one those friends expected me to show up to HER party (allegedly she’d had to cover a shift for a coworker at her job at the last minute, which is why she didn’t show, but I still doubt the validity of this). These weren’t the only instances, make no mistake - I’ve had other friends that mocked my interests, and even one that turned out to be a straight-up bully towards me. She made fun of me for liking My Little Pony, and there was even a horrifying moment where she mockingly imitated one of my stims as a way of ‘teasing’ me. High school was tough on its own, but a bad system of friends made it even harder than it ever needed to be.
It’s been years since then, sure, but this has really destroyed my confidence when it’s come to making and keeping friends. I worry constantly if maybe my old friends thought I was annoying and that’s why I was so easy to cast aside like nothing, so now when I get into new friendships, I hide my true personality because I’m terrified they’ll see the real me and think it’s annoying or weird. At the same time, though, when someone is being nice to me and genuinely wants to hang out with me, I always think to myself “this has to be a trap or something, this is too good to be true”. I have a very small circle of friends now, both online and in person, but even with those friends I worry that when they see me or think about me they think to themselves “oh god not Mara again”. This leads to me being very distant, which also causes these friendships to dissipate sometimes. Social interaction is already confusing sometimes thanks to being autistic, but it’s made even worse thanks to the history I have with making and keeping friends.
I started thinking over these things today and remembering all the pain, the anger, everything, and I started feeling really hopeless. I started to feel like I was going to be alone forever, because I couldn’t trust anyone to not secretly hate me or leave me when I wasn’t convenient for them anymore. But it was during this that I suddenly remembered a comment my dad had made a couple years ago: “you don’t remember every time you ate a decent apple, but you certainly remember the times you bit into rotten ones”.
And…yeah. I don’t think about all the times people were kind to me, or the times people were gentle and said nice things to me. When I think about friendships or people in general, I tend to ruminate on all the things that have gone wrong, the times I was ignored or criticized, the moments I realized someone didn’t actually care about me. This realization broke me, though I can’t really hate myself for it. My brain is trying to protect me from future heartbreak by convincing me that there’s no point in maintaining those relationships, that my heart will just get stepped on again. That’s why the negative experiences get amplified while the positive ones fall to the wayside, it’s a method of protection. But it’s a rock and a hard place - either I open myself up to trusting again and get hurt, or I keep closing myself off and hurt myself by isolating from everyone. There’s no way to truly avoid or anticipate pain, though - we can only cope with it when it happens. That’s at least one thing I’ve fully realized lately, and it was NOT an easy conclusion to come to.
The times my old friends abandoned me, mistreated me, or shattered my heart will forever live in my memory. But the times my current friends have said kind things to me, hugged me when they were happy to see me, shared their happy moments and interests with me, even told me they loved me…those are things I can’t let myself forget. Even if my brain is trying desperately to protect me from feeling pain, I know now just how important it is to counteract those anxious thoughts with the memories of what it’s like to be loved and appreciated, because that’s one thing I don’t think anyone should ever forget.
So…I guess I’m sharing this because I think I’m not the only one dealing with this. I know how difficult it is to make friends and to open yourself up to trusting others after you’ve experienced pain, but I think finding people you can trust and who will love you for you can feel very worth it once it happens. Sorry I’m not making sense because it’s very late and I need to go to sleep but I hope you understand me
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reality-schmality · 4 months
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Okay, I need some opinions on this because the only person irl I can talk to isn’t exactly great at girl talk/feelings/relationship conundrums and it’s driving me insane.
My best friend is in love with me. I know he is 1) because it’s obvious in his actions and 2) because he told me when I drunkenly asked.
Now. On paper, my best friend is exactly what I’m looking for in a partner. He’s smart and funny and nerdy and a general sports fan and his Boston obnoxiousness matches my Bronx obnoxiousness. He balances me out too like how he’s not a book person but a gamer so we still have intense discussions about stories but with an added layer of depth. And he knows me. He’s the only friend I’ve ever had who will notice how I phrase something and immediately say “what’s wrong” or will hear the song I keep humming all day and ask if my PTSD is flaring up and if I’m alright or check to make sure that I’m getting out on the weekends to practice tennis because it’s one of my healthiest coping mechanisms or tell me straight out when I’m being paranoid and stupid and need to calm down before the bipolar disorder makes me do something stupid.
And he’s the only friend that I think I really know too. He’s not much of a talker but I can tell when he needs a pick me up. I can translate the memes he sends into his general mood. I send him baked goods based on it for crying out loud.
Truly, when I think about him, I’ve got it bad. But.
But when we get together (approx once a month or every other month cause our cities are four hours apart) I feel nothing. I’m just not attracted to him. Certainly not physically. He’s definitely cute but he’s just not my type. I prefer women, for one thing. With men, I have a very specific type which he just isn’t. It sounds so shallow but it’s true. Beyond that, he has habits that I know I could never look past if we were to date. Just things that are pet peeves of mine or worse. But I’d never ask him to change. They’re not terrible things in the grand scheme of the world just things I personally don’t like. I am absolutely not the “I can fix him” type. People do not need to be “fixed” first of all and I’m not going to waste my time trying to change someone just to better accommodate me. That’s toxic icky bullshit.
Anyway. I’ve also never had a close friend like this before. I was always on the outskirts of friend groups in middle school and high school. He is the first friend that I feel like if I lived close by, I could just randomly drop in for dinner with his folks. His parents have basically adopted me. They treat me so much better than my own do and gave me a nickname and tell other family members stories about my visits and really treat me like one of their own and I crave it so bad.
So I don’t know if I actually like him or just the idea of him. Does that make sense? Do I like him or just how seen and included he makes me feel? Do I jeopardize the first real friendship I’ve ever had based on maybe-feelings? Do I ignore the lack of physical attraction to pursue the emotional attraction?
And I’m afraid that I’m leading him on. I’m an extremely flirty person. It’s who I am. I’m genuinely that way with everyone. Crikey I flirted with my college professors by accident. But ever since he admitted that he likes me I’ve been aware of how excessively flirty I can be with him and now I feel like the shittiest person alive. I’m trying to rein it in but half the time I don’t realize what I’m saying until it’s too late.
So I don’t really know what advice I’m looking for here. But damn I need to at least talk to someone about it.
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superfics-forone · 3 years
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Just Friends
SUMMARY: Sam asks the group who they think are the “hottest” members of the team. You don’t make the cute for Bucky’s top five.
Bucky x TALL!Reader
W/C: 5,800
WARNINGS: angst, swearing (like two f bombs), cannon level violence, Bucky being an idiot (it’s a warning), physical insecurities, fake science
A/N: I wrote this because the top 5 situation actually happened to me IRL and when you don’t make someone you like’s list, it sucks. Also, this is in no way meant as being against people who are smaller! I am just a tall/plus size woman and sometimes that really makes you feel like you’re unattractive to people because you don’t fit the gender norm. Let me know what you think! I’m pretty new at this so I’d appreciate the feedback!
Also, HUGE shout out to @princessmisery666 for being so patient and supportive! Thank you for being my beta! Your comments were so incredibly helpful!
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The best part about working with Bucky was that you got to see him everyday. The worst part was that you were constantly reminded that he wasn’t attracted to you.
You knew you were a good looking woman, people would often tell you that. It usually happened when you weren’t necessarily feeling your prettiest. Somehow that made it worse. Others would compliment you but he never would. Even when you knew you looked good- like you had put in extra effort and actually tried that day- still he would give you nothing.
You sat across from him in the common room looking at all the other Avengers wondering why he didn’t feel the same when you finally got your answer.
“Alright man,” Sam called out to the group. “Top five, let’s go.”
“Top five?” asked Clint, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. “Top five what?”
Everyone looked back to Sam, - “Top five on who you think is lookin’ most fine”.
“You want us to rate each other?” You asked incredulously.
“Naw, man!” Sam replied. “I want to know who you think are the top five most attractive! Male and female!”
You slunk back into the sofa, both curious and terrified of the conversation to come.
You heard huffs from the others but no one objected. Vision went first and of course he could only answer with; “I believe all of you are inherently lovely. I couldn’t possibly pick a top five of those who I find to be most attractive.” As soon as he finished and the room was no longer focused on him though he leaned over to Wanda and said something in her ear that made her blush.
You brought your cup up to your lips to hide your smile. You loved how happy they were after having been through so much heartbreak.
Sam went next, “Imma say, Wanda, Nat, Gamora’s got it goin’ on…for an alien…Hill - don’t tell her I said that- and…Y/N,” he said throwing you a wink.
You smiled but shook your head with a roll of your eyes. You knew the only reason he said your name was because you were in the room. He was trying to be kind. Men didn’t seem to be actively lining up to be with you…it might have something to do with them being intimidated by you being an Avenger but who could possibly know
“Sam you would think anything with legs that gave you the time of day was hot,” Bucky shot.
The others laughed but Sam shot back, “alright, Tin Man, who’s on your list? Okoye?”
“Yeah for one! I would be dead before I could make a move but sure! She’s dangerous and stunning!” He took a swig of bourbon as if he was done.
“Alright then who else?” Wanda leaned forward winking at you.
You shot her a warning look. You had only told her how you felt about Bucky once on a drunken night after finding out he had gone on date with another recruit. Jealousy had reared its ugly head and she could feel your angst that night. You had asked Wanda how; “A tiny little thing that would barely hold her own in the ring,” could possibly catch his eye. It was as if the only thing he saw you as was an ear to listen to his problems and a soldier he could rely on in the field. You had seen them together multiple times since then and every time it pained you more.
She was everything you weren’t. Barely five foot, two inches tall with a skinny frame to match, and a nicely formed backside. In reality you couldn’t be mad at Bucky. He deserved to be happy. He was your friend and you wanted that for him. You just wanted that particular happiness too.
“Okay, okay!” Bucky’s hands came up in surrender as he finished his drink and leaned back to think, He sat so close to you his left bicep of his folded arms brushed yours with every breath he took.“Okoye? Sure…uh… in no particular order…Wanda, Nat, Darcy, and the little woman, Kris, from reception.”
“It seems, Mr. Barnes”, said Vision, “that you prefer mates who are significantly smaller than you. I do believe that of that group, Wanda is the tallest one.”
“Which isn’t really saying much because I’m only five, six”, she complained.
“The perfect height my dear.” Wanda smiled at that and kissed Vision’s cheek .
You took another long sip of your drink as you registered what had been said. Your stomach soured as you finished the glass. Not so much from the alcohol as from the realization that the man who you had secretly been pinning over didn’t even list you as attractive enough to make his top five.
You felt like you knew why. It was just too much. You weren’t small and dainty like those on his list. You had big bones and a can do attitude. You wouldn’t take crap from people. And because you were so tall you could come off as intimidating…or so some men had told you.
“I’m going to get another drink,” You whispered to no one in particular.
But Sam really couldn’t read a room and he called you out. “No, no! Who’s on your list Y/N?”
“Oh no!” You said dryly. “I’d have to be much drunker for that conversation. For now, I'll keep my opinions to myself.”
You spotted Bucky’s surprised face before you made your way over to the bar. The conversation carried on behind you as you refilled your glass. Thoughts of Bucky’s revelation clouding your mind. You were never going to be good enough for him because you were just too big. Too tall. Too much. He liked the smallest, most petite women in the compound. Feeling your emotions swelling,you decided to grab the bottle and made your way quietly out of the room while the ruckus continued.
Once on your floor you closed the door behind you with a forceful slam, “FRIDAY!! Lock the door and don’t open it for anyone!!”
“Yes, Miss Y/L/N.”
The rest of the night was spent on the floor in your sweats drinking from your bottle of whiskey and feeling sorry for yourself and all the things you couldn’t be because of biology.
You weren’t sure if it was a drunken stupor or your imagination but at one point you could have sworn you heard a knock only for it to go away just as quickly.
The next day you had an awful hangover and didn’t get out of bed. Bucky came to your door for your normal morning run.
“Tell him I’m not going, Friday.”
“He would like to know why, Miss.”
“Tell him it’s my time of the month.”
“Your time of the month was last week, Miss.”
“Who’s side are you on, Friday? Just tell him I’m sick.”
“Very well, Miss.”
It was silent for a few moments and you had thought that would be enough to get Bucky off your back for now.
“Mr. Barnes would like to know if you’d like to see Dr. Cho, Miss.”
“Uuuugggghhhh,” you rolled out of bed and marched over, irritated that the one person you didn’t want to see was at your door.Pulling it open with a huff you practically screamed. “What?!?”
“Woah!” Bucky jumped back startled at your disheveled appearance and puffy eyes. “I just want to make sure you’re alright, doll. You didn’t come back last night and you never answered the door when I came to check on you.”
So there was a knock last night.
You couldn’t look him in the eye as your eyes filled with tears again, this time with shame. “I’m fine, Bucky.” You started shutting the door quickly and he stuck his hand on it preventing you from closing it again.
“Y/N…what’s…”
“Bucky, I just need some rest okay?” You cut him off, “I’m fine. I promise I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.” You smiled weakly.
Bucky searched your face as if trying to find what you weren’t telling him in your eyes. But you were an Avenger and you knew how to school your features to show nothing.
Bucky sighed and shook his head, “alright, doll. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
“Yes, fine,” you said pushing him out the door. Your eyes had flooded with tears again. You didn’t look up to see Bucky’s hurt and concerned face as you closed the door again and put your back to it.
You held your breath listening for his footsteps to retreat before sinking to the floor and crying.
The next day was an all out avoid Bucky day. You weren’t sure you could take the questions and worried looks he was sure to give you. Instead, you decided that what you needed was time away from such temptation. And so, you went in to ask Steve for an overseas long assignment.
“You sure about this one, Y/N. It’s a 9 month solo mission. It’s going to be long and it’s going to be lonely.”
“Yes. I’m sure. I need some time to myself.”
Steve looked at you with understanding and pity. He could see how you felt about Bucky even if he couldn’t get his best friend to see it as well.
“Alright,” he said, “suit up. You leave in 2 hours.”
South Africa wasn’t the worst assignment. It wouldn’t take long for you to get the information you needed. And the separation from Bucky would be good for you.
You finished checking your last weapon and loaded it as well as a pair of throwing knives, a gift from Bucky, into your duffle before looking around your room one more time.
You headed to the door and almost made it out until the picture of you and Bucky on your dresser made you stop. Picking it up you smiled at the memory of the minor league baseball game you’d attended together. You had won tickets and no one else was available that night. When you’d offered the tickets to Bucky you couldn’t believe that he said yes! It was the true start of your friendship, talking about life and how much it had changed for him but also how little it had changed for you. He couldn’t believe it when you started singing all the words to “I’ll never smile again”.
“You think I don’t know music? I’m quite cultured, Mr. Barnes!” You had said with a laugh.
“I never said you weren’t, sweetheart!”
Coming back out of your revelry with a start you put the picture back down on the dresser and turned to the door. You were going to get over this infatuation, even if it killed you. Supposedly time heals all wounds. Well you weren’t sure if there was ever going to be enough time but you could get distance.
Hours later Bucky came in to tell you about the relationship problems he was having with the girl from reception. She just didn’t seem to understand him and kept picking fights. You had become his confidant and had saved his relationship once before so would most likely be able to do it again.
He was almost to your room when he noticed your door was ajar. Slowing he moved closer and pushed it in silently. The room was neat and quiet. Your bed folded nicely as though it was always that way.
Bucky knew that you never made your bed until you were right about to get in it. Or unless you were going on a trip.
Checking carefully he started to notice things missing. Your favorite slippers were gone. Your tooth brush and favorite stuffed animal turtle were also missing. All of the things that you felt you had to have with you were gone.
Then he saw the picture frame on the dresser. Picking it up he too smiled at the memory, then frowned. It was still here. You almost always took this with you. Why was it still here but everything else you held of value was gone.
“Friday, where is Y/N?”
“Miss Y/L/N has volunteered for a mission, sir.”
“Where?”
“That information is classified.”
“Okay, when will she be back?”
“That information is classified.”
“Alright, who else went on the mission,” he asked hoping whoever it was would have your back.
“All other Avengers are currently in the compound.”
“So she went by herself?” Bucky fumed.
“That information is classified.”
“Damn robots!”
Bucky stormed out and found Steve in the kitchen.
“Where did you send her, punk!
Steve didn’t even look up from his newspaper, knowing exactly what his best friend was talking about.
“She’ll be fine, Buck. She just needs some time to herself.”
“So send her to Fiji! Not a solo mission!!”
“This is her call Bucky. You’ve got to trust her.”
Bucky spun on his heel and headed to the computer lab. He knew he was being irrational but if no one else was going to look after your well-being then he was going to have to do it himself.
It took him all day but he finally unencrypted the files for your mission. You were to carry out a recon mission in Port Elizabeth on a supposed Hydra base. It was a far cry from Fiji but you wouldn’t be in immediate danger.
Still he came in everyday to check in on your reports and find out how the events in the country were progressing. He had even convinced Torres to help him set up notifications to his phone if something were to go wrong. He had, very nicely, threatened him with knives if he didn’t set up Stark’s satellite to keep an eye on you.
After three weeks he was really starting to miss your company. Every time he went out with Kris from reception he realized that she just wasn’t as interesting as you. They didn’t have the same camaraderie and chemistry as the two of you did.
So when his phone dinged at 2:30am he looked at the notification. It was a satellite image of you on your apartment porch drinking coffee. You seemed at ease and calm at your small table. Your hair down and wearing a long red dress. He went to the live feed of the satellite but when he did you weren’t there.
Bucky refreshed the page again thinking it may be just an error. But his rising heartbeat made him think differently. When the screen came back he noticed the upturned coffee mug and the newspapers on the ground.
Bucky flew from his bed and raced down the hall to the command room. Steve and Tony were already there, still in their pajamas.
“…it’s not as if she has a tracker in her, Stark!”
“Well maybe she should! Maybe we should make it a standard issue! Everyone gets a tracker! Friday! Make a note!”
“Yes sir.” replied the AI.
“Tony, we need to focus on the…”
“Where is she?!” Bucky growled.
Both men turned around in surprise. Steve recovered first, his eyes sympathetic for his friend’s worry. “We’re not sure, Buck. These images were only taken 4 hours ago.” He clicked to zoom in closer, “but we did get this.”
He zoomed all the way into the kitchen window behind where you’d sat drinking coffee, where a face reflected in the glass. Bucky looked on in rage, hands in tight fists, as the image became clearer and Zemo came into focus.
You awoke with a start, unaware of your surroundings. You sat on a bed in a bare room with a single one way mirror. A metal chair sat by the wall and you noticed no handle on the door. Trying to piece together what had happened you recalled your last memory.
A beautiful morning, the sun shining on the water, a freshly brewed cup of coffee. You sat in your apartment in Port Elizabeth, a pain in your neck…
“Zemo,” you whispered.
“Ah, you’re awake,” said the speaker above you. “I’m sorry about the dramatics but it was necessary. You’re a very important piece of the puzzle.”
“Let me guess,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “You don’t like the way the world is being saved by the Avengers and you think you could do better.”
“Actually I want something else, мой дорогой. I need you.”
“What?” you cried befuddled. “Why on earth would you need me?”
“Do you know what TX-39 is?”
“Yes, I have an entire codex of arbitrary numbers logged away in my brain,” you retorted.
Zemo didn’t pause at your sarcasm. “TX-39 is the compound used to create nucleotides that bond onto nerve endings. By doing so they suspend brain signals stopping all neuro function and rendering the subject immoble. Something you have experienced first hand. By combining a nanotech inhibitor with this nerve ending your subject’s direct motor function is now open to...suggestions.”
You sat astounded as you registered what he had told you. You looked down at your hands but you didn’t feel different. There was no way something like this could work.
“What better way to get rid of a super soldier than to create your own?” Zemo said. You felt a slight buzz in your spine as you stood up quickly trying to resist. Running to the mirror you pulled back your arm, ready to punch your way out, but an inch from the glass your arm stopped. “Ironic that the Soldat will come to save you, only to be the one who needs to be saved.” With that you felt the electricity in your spine disappear and your body was your own again.
Frustration built within you as you sat back on the bed for a moment processing his statement. Your face became more and more incredulous until finally you burst out laughing. You continued laughing harder and harder at the absurdity of Zemo’s reasoning.
“You think I’m the one he is going to come after,” you laughed. “You think you picked the right mouse for your trap? You’re going to wait a long time if you think he’s going to come and get me.”
During your first few weeks away you had missed Bucky fiercely. Leaving him behind so abruptly had felt like severing a part of yourself, but the last few weeks had been good for you. You had forgotten what it was like to rely on yourself. You had grown into yourself again and had realized how little Bucky had actually cared for you when he never came to find you. He hadn’t so much as picked up the phone after you had left. It was as if you had never existed in the first place.
“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.You picked the wrong mouse, Zemo. ”
“We’ll see, дорогой,” and with a click he was gone.
Your brain shifted in and out of the conversation with Zemo. Looking down at your hands, you prayed it wasn’t true. You knew that what had happened at the window was real but you didn’t want to believe it. You had been turned into a weapon to hurt your friends. To hurt Bucky.
Crossing your arms over your chest you laid down on the bed, rolled over to face the wall, and cried.
Avengers Compound
“There is a five mile radius around Agent Y/L/N last known location,” said Fury. “Two man teams will sweep the area in a grid formation while the drones scan for energy signatures. Any questions?”
All those around the table sat silent, but nodded confirmation of their understanding of the objective. Fury looked around the room, “This mother fucker took one of ours and I wanna know why. Let’s get going.”
Bucky stood up from the table and made his way out of the room to the Quinjet hangar. Steve pulled on his arm before entering the plane. “I know what’s going through your mind right now Buck, but we are going to get her back”.
Bucky looked at the ground before raising his eyes to his friend. “He knew how to get to me, Steve. He always knows where to hurt me. He couldn’t use you. You’re too difficult to overpower. So he had to pick her. I just,” Bucky wasn’t sure how to finish his thought. Words never came easily to him and he wasn’t sure he could really express what he was feeling. “I just want her safe.”
After you had left Bucky felt hollow inside. He hadn’t realized how much joy you brought to his day with your smiles and jokes. Always knowing what to say, or at least, what he needed to hear. Your departure made him realize he needed you. Boarding the jet Bucky knew that no matter what happened he was going to tell you how he felt.
The team had been sweeping through the city for what felt like hours and there still hadn’t been any developments. Walking through another alleyway Bucky scanned the cobblestone streets. He was beginning to lose hope at ever finding you at all when he saw an uneven line in between two buildings.
Pressing his comm link he called out, “Steve, I’ve got something. I’m going to check it out.”
“Bucky, wait for backup. We’ll come to you.”
Feeling along the wall Bucky felt a draft between the cracks. Unholstering the gun at his hip he pushed against the wall feeling it give way.
“I’m going in. Follow my location.”
“Bucky, wait!” Steve called.
Bucky ignored his calls and continued down the dimly lit hall. The walls opened up to a staircase leading down to a command room. The musky scent of decay and scotch filled Bucky’s nostrils.
“Privet, Soldat,” Zemo called from the darkness.
Bucky whirled around to find nothing.
“Have you come for your little mouse?”
Still searching, Bucky said nothing as the sound came from a different corner of the room.
“Have you realized how much you miss her?”
Bucky circled again, coming up to a window.
“I wonder what it is? Is it her sweetness that draws you? Or her willingness to see you for more than the killer you are?”
Bucky frowned. Zemo was playing with him.
“Or have you realized that her fire is what draws you to her? She does have a talented tongue. I’ve seen her put it to good use,” Zemo provoked. “I have enjoyed having her in my company, but it seems you really never appreciated her spirit, did you?”
Bucky continued searching the room as Zemo continued his monologue. Coming up to the computer he saw a paused video feed. It played as soon as he stepped forward.
Bucky saw you in a room, still in your red sundress. Your hair was matted and you had the look in your eye of anger and exasperation. When you spoke, Bucky felt the wind rush out of his lungs.
“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.”
“A pity she never saw you care, but I suppose it’s only fair that you tell her now.”
The door beside the window clicked open with a beep. You came out of the cell with a look of wary surprise on your face. “Bucky?”
“Now is your moment, Sergeant Barnes. Why not tell her how you feel before it's too late,” called Zemo.
Bucky holstered his gun and walked toward you. “Y/N? Are you okay? Come on, let's get out of here.”
He grabbed your hand and turned to go but you were rooted to the spot. Your breathing became heavy as you felt the tingling sensation in your spine again.
“Bucky, I need you to leave,” you cried, dread dripping from your voice.
“What? No,sweetheart, come on! I’m not leaving you.”
“Bucky, I…” you started.
“Last chance to declare yourself, Soldat.”
Looking up in anger, Bucky yelled. “Shut up, Zemo. I’m not performing for you-” Bucky’s head turned in surprise as you punched him across the face. “What the hell, Y/N?”
“It wasn’t me!” you cried as you dropped and kicked his legs out from under him.
Bucky rolled over quickly to pick himself up as you followed him swinging punches at his head and kicks to his stomach. Your moves were both erratic and efficient as they landed multiple times. It was all Bucky could do to block your assault and move out of the way.
“This isn’t me!” you cried again between punches. “Zemo is controlling me with nanotech!”
Bucky threw up an arm to block your punch before flipping you around by your arm and pressing you to the wall. He didn’t want to hurt you but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t the most comfortable position.
“It’s okay, Y/N. We’re going to get you out of this.”
Your foot kicked his leg and you pushed yourself over and around his head and away from the wall. Grabbing the knife at his hip as you slipped out of his grip, you threw it into his thigh.
Bucky looked at you in surprise and annoyance. “Sorry!” you winced. Pulling the knife from his leg he tossed it to the floor.
“Look, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere, but try not to kill me, okay?”
“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose Bucky!” you huffed as you charged at him.
“Well I’m just trying to get you out of the problem you put yourself in!” You had grabbed another knife and went to stab him. Bucky caught the knife and twisted your hand but the knife snagged your dress and tore the skirt as you fought to wrestle it away.
Your eyes flared with anger and the next punch you threw had a little extra heft in it.
“That I put myself in? How about you, Mr. Barge-into-a-room-with-no-back-up!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you liked being saved! Although you’re one to talk! You came on a mission without backup!” Bucky rolled across the computer console out of the way of your next kick, getting agitated at your attitude.
“Because I needed space!” you yelled as you followed him around the computer desk.
“Space? Space from what?” Bucky yelled back, actually throwing a punch that you easily evaded.
“You! You idiot!” it burst out of you as you came up swinging before pushing him to the ground.
Bucky looked up at you with his eyes wide. You had him straddled under your legs. Bucky brought his arms up to block your punches while he tried to talk to you.
“Why would you need space from me? I don’t understand. You left without warning, without saying goodbye! Your mission was classified so I had to hack F.R.I.D.A.Y to even find out where you were!”
Your body was starting to fatigue from the strain of the fight as you continued to land blow after blow. You were fit and well trained but because your body was not your own you were blowing through energy rapidly. Your breaths were coming in short gasps as your chest heaved at each punch. If you kept this up, you weren’t sure how much time you would have before your body gave out entirely.
“Y/N, you left a huge gap! You were my best friend and then you were gone! You wouldn’t even talk to me before you left! You didn’t tell me you were leaving. I couldn’t even call you because the mission was supposed to be classified!”
Maybe it was the fatigue, maybe the hopelessness you felt, but you gave him everything you had left as you pummeled into him. Frustration over your situation, frustration at him, frustration at yourself built up inside you.
“I WILL NOT BE YOUR STAND IN! I will not be second best. I can’t look on anymore as you find someone smaller, cuter, littler to fit perfectly into your life! I deserve to be wanted! I deserve to be desired!” you screamed at the man beneath you as tears streamed down your cheeks.
Bucky finally bucked his hips and flipped you under him, pinning your hands to the ground next to your head.
“Get off of me! Let me go!” you had finally had enough. The damn had broken and your emotions and insecurities raged inside you. Your body pulled and twisted to break free from his grip.
“You do deserve to be desired,” Bucky said calmly as he caged you beneath him. “You are nobody's stand in. You’re perfect just as you are.” He wanted to say more but it was all he could do to keep you pinned under him.
The team burst down into the control room to see you openly weeping and Bucky on top of you.
“Nat, I need you to put an electric burst in my arm.” Bucky said looking up.
“I’m sorry, you what?” asked Nat.
“Just do it!” he said as you fought harder against him.
With a nod from Steve, Nat waved her baton and zapped Bucky’s arm causing both of you to scream in pain. When your body finally stopped seizing, the lack of adrenaline and the pain and fatigue caught up to you and you passed out in Bucky’s arms.
“You want to explain why I just pushed fifty thousand volts through you two?”
“Zemo infected her with some kind of nano tech. She hasn’t been in control this entire time.”
Steve scanned around the room. “Alright team, fan out. See if you can find out where Zemo went. I want teams down here with sat links up in 30 minutes.”
Bucky circled the gears around in his arm to get it up and running again before scooping you carefully off the ground.
“Buck, get her on the next jet out. Dr. Cho and Banner will be waiting for you to get back.”
For the second time you woke up in an unfamiliar place, and struggled to get your bearings. You felt like you’d been run over by a pick up truck and tumbled through a dryer.
Feeling slowly returned to your hands as your eyes opened and your vision cleared. You were in one of the medical rooms at the compound you realized.
“Look who decided to wake up,” said a gruff voice.
Turning your head you saw Bucky sitting in the chair beside you. He looked fresh and his eyes twinkled at you.
“Bucky,” you croaked as you tried to sit up.
“Woah there. You just relax. Your body is still trying to catch up from Zemo’s nanites.”
You slumped back down in the bed as Bucky leaned forward to take your hand.
“You had me worried there for a minute, doll. You’ve been sleeping for days. Wasn’t sure when you were going to pull through.”
“You doubt me, Barnes?”
“Not for a second, sweetheart, but I sure as hell missed you.” Bucky smiled, then looked down for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “We need to talk about why you left, Y/N.”
“No, Bucky, I...it doesn’t matter.” You say looking away. “It’s not important.”
“I don’t know, I’d say you thinking you don’t matter to me is pretty important.” You turned to look at him sharply, mouth open in a small gasp. “And I’d also say that you thinking I don’t find you desirable is pretty important too.”
You sat in shock as he spoke, not wanting to break the way you had during your fight.
“Y/N, you are perfect. You knew me before I even knew myself. You light up the whole room just by being in it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are strong, independent, kind, and gentle. You’re like a tall Asgardian goddess. Every inch of you is beautiful. I thought back to the last time we talked...before you left, and I realized why you did. I know why you thought I wasn’t attracted to you. That night, Sam’s list,” he paused as if pained at the memory, “I didn’t add you because...well, because I was so confused at how I was feeling. You were my friend. I didn’t realize till it was too late that I was already falling in love with you. And I most definitely didn’t want to give Sam anymore ammunition.”
You looked up at him sharply when he dropped the L word.
Bucky stood to reposition himself on the edge of your bed. Taking your face in his hands he leans forward until your foreheads barely touch. “I didn’t want to ruin things with you. You were my friend. You were perfect and I thought you deserved better so I ran to find something that was everything you weren’t. You are my perfect fit. You are just right. You are the only person I want. Please tell me you’re mine. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
You brought your hand up to rest over his as you let his words wash over you.
He wanted you. He thought you were beautiful. All of you. All of the parts people had told you were too much: your height, your attitude, your independence - he wanted it all.
You did something that you wanted to do for months, you brought your lips up to his softly and gave him a chaste kiss. “I was always yours Bucky,” You pulled his hands down and pushed him away to look into his eyes, “but I won’t be taken for granted anymore. I shouldn’t have to leave for you to want me. I shouldn’t have to be gone for you to realize what you had. I left for a reason. It was to find peace with myself. I realized that I didn’t need your approval. I didn’t need your desire to be whole. I won’t settle for someone who can’t see what’s right in front of them. I know my worth.”
Bucky looked at you sorrowfully as he held onto your fingers, memorizing their shape. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough.”
“I know, but it happened. I don’t need you to be happy, Bucky...” Bucky hung his head in dejection. “...But I do want you.”
Bucky looked up at you sharply to find your eyes full of love and warmth. You wanted him. Even after all that happened - how he forced you away, how he made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you were still willing to forgive him. You wanted him even with all his faults.
You brought him closer for another kiss and savored the way his lips fell across yours. Breaking away to look up at him you said what you had been holding in for months, “And I love you too.”
Tags: @princessmisery666 @dreamwritesimagines
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cantaloupe-draws · 3 years
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El Chico del Apartamento 512
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Irl! Quackity x Female! reader
Summary: Nothing interesting ever happens in the apartment complex you live in. It’s the same old routine for you. Constantly turning down your neighbor and heading too and from your apartment. Well that’s up until you meet the very cute boy that lives in apartment 512 that you can never seem to gather the courage to talk too. To make make matters worse, he shows up to the cafe you work at
Switches from Reader’s s POV to Quackity’s POV at the very end
Genre: Song fic, fluff, somewhat cafe trope, strangers to lovers, crushes
Warnings: use of Quackity’s real name, creepy neighbor, cursing, and I think that’s about it
Song :El Chico del Apartamento 512 by Selena
Lyrics are in bold
Every day is the same down the corridor
Every day it’s the same old thing. I pass the same old doors as I make my way towards my own at the end of the corridor. Counting the room numbers as I pass.
“508, 509, 510,-“ I count and but as soon as I reach room 511 the door suddenly swings forward and I’m greeted by both a whistle and Chad, my neighbor.
“Y/n baby I keep on waiting for you to go on a date with me like you promised,” Chad said as he stood in front of his door frame, right arm resting on the door. “I need to show you around town,” he said with a smirk as he rested his face on his fist.
I scoffed as I moved away from him, “The only thing you need right now is an urgent shower. You stink like a pig and it’s absolutely disgusting. Besides, I never promised you anything” I said, trying to continue on my way, but Chad just kept getting more and more persistent with every rejection. His nagging was getting annoying.
“Come Y/n I’ll take you to this bar across town, I’ll even pay for your drinks” he kept persisting.
You would think that any decent guy that’s asking you out on a date would obviously pay for them himself. It’s a given but this is Chad we’re talking about. I was sick of his terrible date ideas and I had to face him once again.
“Listen, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this and how many times I’ll have to repeat it but, I don’t want to go on these stupids dates with you,” I told him as I rejected for what seemed to be the millionth time. And as soon as I said that the door beside us swung open.
Out came a young man wearing a navy blue cap that was covering almost the entirety of his hair but still managed to expose small tufts of dark brown hair from the sides. He looked up at the predicament Chad and I were both in and I was able to get a good look at him.
He had almond-shaped eyes that were a dark brown color and had various beauty marks scattered around his face. He was attractive. Very VERY attractive. Oh no I’m in deep shit, I thought to myself as I quickly turned away when I felt that I was staring at him for too long. He turns away from us and heads towards the elevator doors.
I stayed stunned for a few moments then turned to face Chad again, completely red in the face, dumbfounded, and at a complete loss for words. But before Chad could get another word out I quickly rushed to my apartment and leaned my back against the door once I got inside. My heart is beating fast and my chest feels tight and constricted. I quickly got myself a glass of water from my faucet and though it helped with my fast heart rate, it didn’t help the butterflies swarming around in my stomach. It might sound crazy but I think I’ve just met the man of my dreams.
Ever since then, I’ve made sure to take my sweet time walking down the corridor in hopes to see the cute boy from apartment 512 again. I’ve gone as far as to purposely make small talk and fake my interest in Chad in hopes to see him once more.
The boy from apartment 512 the one who makes my poor heart beat fast.
I walked into the elevator quickly pressing the button towards the first floor when I heard someone yell “HOLD THE DOOR PLEASE!”
Loud footsteps came barreling towards the elevator. The yell of itself was enough to get my blood pumping but, to make matters much worse it was the cute boy from apartment 512 who was coming towards me.
“Thank you so much,” he said out of breath once he got inside. He offered me a smile of gratitude as the elevator doors closed. I noticed that he wasn’t wearing a cap this time but, instead he was sporting a grey beanie with red and blue stripes.
‘He’s the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my entire life’ I internally screamed to myself.
“Yeah, no problem” I responded quietly in hopes I wouldn’t make a fool of myself.
Even if there weren't more than two pieces of dialogue uttered between us, it was enough for my heart to beat faster than the speed of light.
The boy from apartment 512 who causes me to stutter like I've never done before.
I was manning the cashier station at the cafe I worked at. It was filled to the brim with people who were either typing away on their laptops or having a conversation with their friends.
But on this day, I had finally learned his name.
The busy atmosphere had me tackling customers' orders from left to right, “Hello, may I take your order?” I said as the next customer approached me.
But surprisingly enough, I was greeted by a familiar face.
The cute boy from apartment 512.
“Yes, hello I would like a caramel macchiato please,” he said and I felt my face go red instantly.
Oh my god, it’s him again, I thought as I knew that my brain would start to scramble once more. “O-of course. Coming right up, n-name?” I asked him as I completely stumbled on my words.
“Alex,” he said, “Okay A-Alex your name will be called out when your order is ready,” I tell him as I continue on with my work.
My coworkers had never seen me lose composure like that. It was clear that they would never let me live this down but even if I made a complete fool of myself in front of him, a huge part of me also just wants to keep talking to him both night and day.
But today I have finally truly decided to confess my love to him
I mentally prepared myself for the next time I interacted with Alex. I’ve finally decided that the next time I would run into him, I would finally ask to get to know him better in hopes that one day friendship will blossom into a wonderful relationship. A giddy laugh escaped me as I thought of the idea.
The cafe was busy as usual, with the same groups of people coming in. As it hit peak rush hour the line of customers just kept getting longer and longer and I was attempting to quickly attend to them to the best of my ability. Somehow, this was not enough to deter the feelings of butterflies in my stomach.
I knock on his door and I get goosebumps,
a blonde answers the door and my heart breaks
As I heard the bell above our door ring once more I raised my head and saw him, Alex. He was holding the door open for a woman as she walked in. They stood close together as they waited in line. This might seem like a bit of an exaggeration but when I saw them conversing together waiting in line the butterflies that were once fluttering disappeared and were replaced with dread. As my heart dropped, I realized that one thing was wanting to be friends with him but, that doesn’t change the fact that I had grown feelings for him. If he’s in a relationship then, what now? I felt lost as to how to handle this.
As the line in front of me kept getting shorter and shorter, I was becoming anxious as his turn was approaching. Though as it was almost the pair’s turn to order, Alex suddenly turns around and leaves the line and when his turn arrives he still wasn’t there. Despite this, I still went ahead and tended his apparent girlfriend.
I truly felt my heart breaking into pieces when suddenly she asked:
"Were you looking for my brother?"
“Hello, may I take your order?” I asked her, “Yes, can I have a vanilla latte please? But um, can we wait a couple of minutes for my brother? He went to the restroom and didn’t tell me his order,” she asked. Then the realization hit me like a ton of bricks, this was his sister. I’m so dumb, how could I’ve not realized the resemblance between them?? “Yeah that’s no problem” I finally responded.
Soon enough Alex came rushing towards his sister, “I’m so sorry for the wait” he said once he reached the both of us. “Just hurry it up. I’ll be waiting for you at the table” His sister said as she turned her back to the both of us.
Turning my attention to him as I rang up his order he then speaks up “You’re one of my neighbors aren’t you?” He asks me with a grin. I stop in my tracks as if I’m a deer in headlights.
“Yeah I am actually” I smile at him trying to muster enough courage to continue our conversation.
“I thought so, you were the one who held the elevator door for me the other day right? Also, the one who was yelling at my neighbor.”
My face instantly goes red as I thought back to the first time I met Alex. “In my defense he deserved it. He’s been harassing me ever since I’ve moved in” I shudder at the thought of Chad.
“Yeah I’ve realized that he really is a douche, he enjoys banging on the damn walls at three in the morning” he said as we laugh together at the stupid things Chad has done.
“Okay, okay you’re order will be out shortly,” I tell him with a smile, feeling my heart skip a beat. But Alex doesn’t move from the line.
“To be honest the whole reason I even came here wasn’t really for a drink or anything.” He said gazing towards the floor and rubbed the back of his neck.
“This might be a bit sudden because we’ve barely met but I wanted to actually ask you for your number since you seem really nice and you’re very pretty. If you’re not interested then that’s fine, I’ll just take my drink and go” Alex said sheepishly.
After I heard these words I found myself dumbfounded. At a complete loss for words. ‘DID HE JUST SAY THAT??? HOW DO I RESPOND???’ and from there my mind was absolutely speeding to the point where I just stood there. ‘HURRY UP AND DO SOMETHING!!!’ I yelled at myself, but yet still nothing managed to escape. Alex began to fidget more and more playing with his hands as I just stood there without a response.
“It’s okay, I’ll just go now.” Alex quickly said leaving.
Alex’s POV
‘SHIT. FUCK. MOTHERFUCKER. STUPID IDIOT.’
I cursed at myself while I walked towards my sister. Laying my head on the table, covering it in utter embarrassment.
“That didn’t go well, did it?” My sister said while casually scrolling through her phone. “And here you were boasting about how much of a smooth talker you were. You sir, just got rejected.”
“Will you shut up?” I groaned at her not raising my head. I’m already embarrassed out of my mind and she is not making it any better.
“Fine fine, you big baby I’ll go get our drinks and then you can go home and cry.” She said standing up as our orders were called.
‘God, why did I think it was a good idea to bring my sister along? How had it not crossed my mind? I hadn’t even given it a second thought as to what I was gonna do if I did get rejected. And to make matters much worse I just got rejected in front of my sister. I will never hear the end of it at family reunions. I’m already mentally digging my grave when I heard my sister come back.
“I think this one is yours” She said as she placed my drink in front of me. I raise my head slightly so I would be able to see what was in front of me. I looked at my cup as it said:
‘To the cute boy from apartment 512’
‘xxx-xxx-xxxx -Y/n’
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A/N- So this is the first time I’ve ever wrote fan fiction before, I mainly stick to drawing so please excuse any mistakes I tried my best. But I hope you liked it over all. Also the lyrics in English don’t make as much sense as they do in Spanish, and it’s was bugging me so if they seem a bit odd you know why.
A special thanks to @tofuyami she really helped me with the brainstorming and editing process <3
@hungoverhellhound @cherrysirin @tofuyami @nealocus @struggling-with-time @bugsinmycoldsoup @venusacrossthestars @galaxygnf
Also stand Selena always -🍈
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Much Cooler
Corpse Husband & Emma Langevin 
Warnings: Swearing
Genre: Platonic Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: There’s always a certain level of uncertainty when meeting someone you’ve only known online. There’s that sense of insecurity that your relationship with them will never be the same or - even worse - that their view of you might change for the worse. But there’s nothing more thrilling than seeing the person you’ve been talking to constantly for the past however long standing across from you. 
Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so terribly sorry for how late it’s coming out but I hope the fic makes it worth the wait! Lots of love, Vy ❤
“CORPSE! Wake up you famous dumbass!“ is the first thing the poor man heard over the phone at 9 AM on this fine Saturday morning.
It’s more than enough to make him contemplate why he even decided to pick it up in the first place considering he wouldn’t have been very able to participate in the conversation due to his sleepiness. He also, of course, made the mistake of not checking the caller ID which apparently wasn’t necessary considering how recognizable that voice and accent are.
“It’s 9 AM, Emma.“ He states as a tired parent would to a child, “I’m concerned as to why you’re up so early. More so as to why you’re calling me of all people.“
He can practically hear her roll her eyes but he still smirks to himself, knowing she can’t contradict him or argue since he’s completely right with his claims. “Whatever. Remind me to never call you to congratulate you on a milestone again.“
Now that pokes at his attention with a stick. Lately, said attention has proven to be a hibernating bear, leaving Corpse with a lack of interest or motivation for anything but damn if that sentence wasn’t enough to roll him out of bed and hop on PC. “What? What milestone? Subscribers?“
“Nope! You got two million likes on ‘E-girls are ruining my life’! I can’t believe I have to tell you this! Didn’t you notice the numbers climbing?!“ Emma, as annoyed and sarcastic as she’s trying to sound, she’s obviously overjoyed on his behalf and is super proud of him and of the project she luckily agreed to take a small part in.
As his PC boots up, Corpse can’t help but roll his eyes at Emma’s comment, “Well unlike you I have better things to do than refresh a page over and over aga-” His sentence is quickly cut off when he sees the number of likes under the song for himself.
Knowing that he’d find it there didn’t change the feeling of seeing it for the first time at all. It’s so surreal and so hard for his mind to comprehend. Seeing as how little he thinks of himself, his content and his art, this is like his success coming to slap him across the face as if to punctuate to him how wrong that mindset is.
“You know, it wouldn’t hurt if you offered to take me out for at least a coffee to celebrate, bro.“ Emma comments sarcastically, joking only halfway from what he can sense.
He smirks, “Trying to even the playing field, I see.” He replies, referring to the fact that he’s still a faceless mystery to her while her face is literally the cover art for one of his songs.
She laughs but is quick to dismiss his claim, “Nah, I might be a curious and nosey little shit on other occasions, but other people’s privacy is not something I dig my nose into. However, if I were to even the playing field between us it wouldn’t be appearance-wise. More personality-wise. For my sake and yours I choose to believe you are way cooler in person than you are through messages or on a call.”
This withdraws a genuine fit of laughter from Corpse who throws his head back, a few strands of hair moving aside to reveal his shiny eyes, “Well then, instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, how about we settle it once and for all? Tomorrow? I’ll text you the location.”
Emma’s eyebrows shoot upwards as soon as she comprehends his words and the tone that leaves no room for her to assume he’s joking, “Wait what? How come you’re agreeing to this? And so easily? Nah, this a trap if I’ve ever seen it.”
Corpse laughs yet again, “No trap, Em. I just can’t have you doubting my coolness.”
                                                             *  *  *
The main reason as to why Corpse requested for this meeting to be today is because he feared that if he had more than twenty four hours to dwell on it he’d chicken out. Little did he know it was the same for Emma. Their friendship has only ever existed with the bridge of social media connecting them and they both can’t help but fear the other might not like who they are IRL. They fear they unintentionally become a different person or change things about themselves subconsciously when communicating with people online. Bottom line, they’re scared of letting the other person down with who they really are, unaware that their personalities are most likely the exact same because, as the people who know them can confirm, neither Corpse nor Emma are the type to put on a show in order to be liked. They would rather have no friends because of who they are than have friends and fans of their persona instead of the real them.
And so, while slightly afraid and anxious about this meeting, both of them see it as a relief test to see if the friendship is in fact as real as it’s seemed these past months.
Corpse was the one to choose the location of their meet-up, a location Emma didn’t even think twice about agreeing on, and ever since, they’ve both been counting the hours until their scheduled meeting time.  It’s not about impressing each other, at least that’s what they’re both telling themselves, but rather proving to the other that they’re worthy of their friendship. They might throw snarky and sarcastic comments at one another that others would give a side-eye glance to and question if their friendship is real, but they know the dynamic best and they sure as hell don’t wanna lose it or each other.
Best friends are the ones who roast each other after all - you can’t tell me I’m wrong.
The nervous Corpse fidgets with the insides of his hoodie pockets as he waits outside the café, having arrived ten minutes early because he couldn’t stand being alone with his thoughts in his apartment, judging every fragment of himself twice as harshly as usual. Emma, on the other hand, could barely bring herself to leave her home. She kept retouching her appearance, despite knowing Corpse wouldn’t judge her even if she showed up in pjs. To be fair she contemplated doing just that several times because her hair pissed her off enough to get her discouraged on her outfit altogether but she did eventually talk herself into pulling it together. She already knew she’d be at least five minutes late, but once again, she knew Corpse wouldn’t care.
He’d wait, cause that’s the kind of friend he was. Cause that’s the kind of friend she was for him too.
And boy did it take her less than a second to recognize him. She wasn’t even out of the car when she saw him and knew it was exactly who she was looking for. He too, as if with a sixth sense that registered her presence, shoots his head up from his phone to look up at her, their gazes meeting. There’s a brief moment of close-to-shocked silence, their eyes a bit widened as their brains comprehend that they’re within arm’s reach of one another.
That’s when Emma’s the first to break the bubble of awe as a wide grin spreads across her face and she runs to Corpse, wrapping him in a hug before he’s even realized the distance between the two’s been closed.
“Hey.“ She mumbles, her face hidden in his hoodie due to the height difference.
“H-hey.“ He replies, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her too.
“I was right.“ She says once she pulls away, “You are much cooler face-to-face.“ She pauses for a second, narrowing her eyes, “You’d be even cooler if you bought me coffee though.“
Earning a laugh from him, she’s guided into the café by the arm Corpse wraps around her shoulders, telling her he’s get her a milkshake cause he doesn’t want to see her high on caffeine. Needless to say, they both are, indeed, much cooler to one another IRL.
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fific7 · 3 years
Text
Even His Name - Part 1
Sirius Black x OC
Summary: Friends forever? Maybe. Maybe not.
Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, slight consent issues, 18+ please due to NSFW content including unprotected* sex. The age of consent in the UK is 16, sorry if that’s not in line with the laws in your own country/state.
*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.
A/N: Looking at this photo, I can kinda see why Ben Barnes got fancast as Sirius Black. This story is non-canon and takes place in my imaginary HP AU with OC, Celeste (meaning celestial or heavenly).
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»»————————————-———- ⚜ ———————————-————-««
Sirius Black. Even his name was beautiful.
She watched his tall, lean figure approaching as she sat & relaxed against one of the shady trees beside the lake.
She drank in every last detail before he got too close, before her out-and-out staring was noticeable to him.
The lazily slouching but graceful walk, his long legs eating up the distance between them.
The pale, porcelain-like skin, the aristocratic cheekbones, the trendy light scruff of moustache with matching scruff along his jawline, the full sensuous lips, the famed long black wavy hair. And of course, those hypnotic grey eyes, ringed by long dark lashes. Those eyes could change like mercury, from silver to dark pewter within a heartbeat.
As he got got closer, her eyes almost totally closed, but she wasn’t dozing off, it was a ruse to disguise her intense staring. Her eyes continued to eat him up like he was a very large chocolate eclair.
It was Saturday, so no school uniform. Trademark bad-boy attire, then. Her heart sped up at the sight of the scuffed leather biker jacket, the Led Zeppelin t-shirt, distressed jeans & leather work boots. Not properly laced up... of course.
All in black, a living embodiment of his name.
She heaved a long sigh, letting it escape without thought, and her eyes closed fully.
She was aware of a shadow blocking the sunlight falling on her closed eyelids. The sound of somebody settling themselves down next to her, still partly casting a shadow onto her.
Her eyes opened a sliver, and her head rolled to the side towards him of its own accord.
“What’s the big sigh for, Celeste?” in his deep, slightly hoarse, breathy voice. The voice which sent a thousand female hearts beating like drums.
“Sirius.” She sighed again, her eyes opening slowly. “You’re blocking my sun.”
He grinned, chuckling. He gestured to his body with one hand, “This ... masterpiece... of a man joins you for a pleasant interlude by the lake, and all you can say is that I’m blocking your rays?!”
“Yeah.”
He chuckled again. “Ah c’mon, you know you love me.”
She rolled her head back to its original position. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“And maybe it’ll come true?” he smirked.
“When hell freezes over.”
He leant over, placing his head on her shoulder as he did so, puppy dog eyes in play, complete with pouted bottom lip.
“Now, you know that isn’t true. You’re desperate to get me into the sack.”
“But, Sirius,” she said innocently, “there wouldn’t be enough room in the bed for me, what with you and your massive ego already in it.”
His head shot back, his unmistakable & glorious barking laugh issuing forth & attracting the attention of every female within earshot.
“You’re hysterical,” he continued laughing, more quietly. “No, I’m Celeste,” she smirked, throwing her version of his favourite line back at him.
He groaned, “You’d use my own comeback against me? Really?”
“Every time,” she nodded.
He was grinning back at her, when she was suddenly aware of another shadow falling across her. She frowned involuntarily, looking up to see who it was. A tall Ravenclaw girl stood there, confidently smirking down at Sirius. She didn’t spare his current companion even a glance.
“Hi,” she smiled brightly at him. “Thought you’d maybe like to take a walk with me, Siri?” giving him a suggestive sideways look, all the while twirling a strand of her long brown hair round a finger.
Celeste rolled her eyes, smirking & tutting loudly. She muttered, “Pathetic,” under her breath & began to gather her books, getting ready to ‘exit stage left’.
Sirius looked over at her, smiling and laying his hand on her arm, stilling her movement.
He looked up at the other girl. “Sorry, love,” he said with a grin, “spending some one-on-one time with my best girl here.”
She still didn’t look at his ‘best girl’. “Well, why don’t I just join you here while you do that, and then we can go for a walk by ourselves afterwards?”
Sirius looked down, and Celeste knew what was coming next. He’d given her his polite brush-off, now here came the not-so-polite one.
“Didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m here with Celeste,” he said, voice harsh, glaring back up at her.
She stopped twirling that lock of hair, recoiling from his glare & tone. “Well, you know, I just thought...”
“You just thought wrong then, didn’t you! Now, run along dear, off you go.” Voice cold, eyes narrowed.
She turned on her heel and scuttled back to her little band of giggling friends. Something told Celeste that her friends wouldn’t be all that sympathetic. If there was one thing almost guaranteed to break up friendship groups, it was who did, or didn’t have, Sirius’ attention.
Celeste laughed, “Lordy, I don’t know how you put up with all that fangirling.... ‘Siri’.” she imitated the girl in a high-pitched tone. “They make me ashamed to be a woman. Don’t they have any self-respect?!”
Sirius laughed, “But Cel, they’re just rightfully worshipping ... this!” Again, one hand gesturing up & down the length of his body.
“What.. a skinny boy?” she questioned, looking him up & down, “Really? What’s the attraction then?” she laughed.
He’d sat up straight as she’d been speaking, faux offended. “Celeste! How could you? Firstly, I am a man, not a boy.”
“Sirius, you’re sixteen. You.. are.. a.. boy!”
“Nah, nah, nah! I.. am.. a.. man!” dramatically emulating her slow delivery before continuing, “And I’m nearly seventeen. Secondly, I am not skinny. I’m tall and athletic.”
“Skinny.”
“Athletic!”
She laughed. “You don’t even play Quidditch any more. So where do you get this ‘athleticism’ from? Running away from Filch and the prefects after a prank?!”
“Thank you for answering your own question!” he said, laughing back at her.
He again leant towards her, eyes boring into hers, changing to dark & stormy mode, lips so close that she felt the little huffs of his breath on her own lips as he spoke.
“Don’t fight it, Cel. Just give in and admit you want me! We’ll head to my dorm right now and spend the entire night together, having hot, sensual, sheet-tangling sex!”
She burst out laughing, turning away momentarily, eager to break the close proximity to him. “The gods love a trier, Sirius. Pity I don’t.” She looked back at him, “And no doubt one of your fangirls is already curled up under your quilt, just waiting on the god that is Sirius Black to arrive and rock her world!!”
“My bed is exclusively reserved for you.”
“OK... curled up in her bed then, waiting on Mr I Never Stay The Night to arrive.”
“You pierce my heart!”
“Sirius, you may be one of my closest friends, but I can honestly say that you, within just the last few weeks, have become a total man-whore. And a barely legal one at that.”
“Celeste!! Just bloody well admit you want me.”
“Can’t that huge ego of yours handle the fact that there’s at least one girl in this school who doesn’t drop her panties the second you look at her?!” her laughter pealed out over the surrounding area, catching the attention of and sparking the venomous jealousy of the Sirius Fangirls’ Club.
He also burst out laughing, inciting the Fangirls even more.
“Ah.... Cel, my ego is perpetually the size of a peanut whenever you’re around.” Innocence personified, wide grey eyes gazed at her. “It never gets the chance to grow any bigger.”
Then the trademark smirk appeared. “Unlike a certain other part of my anatomy.” One eyebrow quirked up at her, long fingers slinking down onto his jeans zip. She couldn’t stop her eyes following them. His lips slid upwards into a pleased grin.
“Urggghhh!” she groaned, closing her eyes briefly before starting to pack up her stuff. “On that note, I’m off!”
“Awww, don’t go! This was just about to get interesting. You almost agreed to give me a quick blowjob!”
She stood up, brushing grass off her denim cutoffs and slipping on her low wedge sandals. Sirius raked his eyes up and down her figure as she did so.
She leant back down to him, knowing full well that he was getting an eyeful down her tastefully low-cut frilly top. She had on a translucent lacy bra, and she heard his breath catch as soon as he spotted it.
Putting her lips right next to his ear, she said, “Firstly, I don’t give blowjobs to sixteen-year-old skinny boys.” She huffed out a breath onto his earlobe, “And secondly, even if I did, it would.. not.. just be a quickie, darling.”
She pulled back and stood up straight, looking down at Sirius. A deep pink blush was spreading up from his neck over the entirety of his handsome face, his mouth hung slightly open and his eyes were wide, a glazed look in them.
She grinned, starting to walk away, “Have fun with the fangirls, Sirius!”
He was still staring after her when the first wave of girlies washed over him, clamouring for his attention in various tried, tested and (to him, at that moment) very tedious ways.
They were all to be disappointed. Sirius swatted them off like they were so many irritating mosquitoes, stretching out & lying on his back with his hands crossed under his head, staring up into the blue of the early autumn sky, deep in thought.
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She leisurely strolled back to the castle, sniggering to herself at how easy it had been to wind Sirius up into a tight spring.
Her smirk dropped somewhat though, when she contemplated the bigger picture. What a shitshow.
She was slap-bang in the middle of the biggest cliché the fates had ever created. Best friend really fancies best friend, but won’t admit it in case it either doesn’t work out and/or ruins the friendship. Yeah... that old chestnut.
Sighing, she made her way to the Gryffindor common room, spotting Lily and Mary on their favourite corner sofa. She plopped herself down next to them, instantly becoming enmeshed in the girlie gossip which was currently in progress.
However her mind drifted to the beginning of that school year, their sixth, when she and Sirius had met up again after the summer holidays on the Hogwarts Express. She’d been frankly amazed at the change in him after such a short time.
From awkward, gawky schoolboy to man-god in the space of a couple of months.
She learned from him that he’d run away from Grimmauld Place at the beginning of the holidays and was now living at the Potters’. She was very glad to hear that, knowing what he’d gone through at the hands of his parents. He certainly seemed to be thriving there, having apparently sprouted quite a bit over the summer.
Everything about him suddenly seemed long & slim. Long legs and arms, with big hands and big feet to match. Long slim fingers. Long slim feet & toes which she stared at, fascinated, every time she caught a glimpse of them.
She’d instantly known that their friendship would change in future. She’d never thought of Sirius as anything except a little schoolboy buddy, but over the summer he’d emerged from his post-pubescent chrysalis as a hot, sexy teenager with shoulder-length hair, designer stubble and attitude with a capital A.
He’d always attracted a fair bit of female attention over the years. He’d never really acted on it though, too caught up in Marauders mischief to care.
But holy hell...now? All the girlies were going to go batshit crazy over him.
He’d also - right there on the train no less! - boxed her into a corner and immediately started flirting up a storm, which had mildly terrified her. This was the guy who, only two months before, had been a kind of surrogate brother figure in her life for the previous 5 years.
Now he was making sexual innuendoes and inviting her into his bed every five minutes. She just couldn’t figure out his agenda.
As predicted, at the start of term, the Hogwarts female population - irrespective of year - quickly lined up behind Sirius and adoringly dogged his every footstep. As did a fair proportion of the male population, it has to be said.
Sirius quickly accepted his new-found godlike status & revelled in it. Flirting his way around school and through classes and meals. Getting caught in broom closets, empty classrooms and corridors, snogging for Britain.
It was only 4 weeks into the new term and she already found it all mildly disgusting. Hence she’d decided to knock the flirtatious idiot back down a peg or two every chance she got.
However, his flirting behaviour with her hadn’t dialled back at all, if anything it had increased, and this is what she was pondering on.
Her name was suddenly yelled right into her face. Lily was staring at her as if she was an alien.
“Uh, sorry - what?”
“We’ve been waiting on you to answer Mary’s question, for like, 15 minutes.”
“Oh shut up! I just zoned out for a minute or two.”
Mary sniggered, “And no prizes for guessing who the subject matter of said zoning out was!!”
She sighed. “OK, OK, alright - yes - it was Sirius.”
Scoffing noises from her friends.
“Look - I just can’t get my head round the way he’s still behaving towards me. Flirting & shit.”
She shook her head, and continued, “This was my annoying little ‘school brother’ 3 months ago! So he’s either had a brain meltdown and actually fancies me, or else he’s practicing all that crap on me to then use on his fan girls! And let’s be honest, one reason’s as bad as the other!”
They both exchanged significant looks, grinning at each other.
She huffed, “What’s wrong now?! I’ve just told you what’s on my mind!”
“Can you, hand on heart, swear you don’t fancy the pants off Sirius?” asked Lily.
“Look, I can see why girls find him attractive, yeah. But you’re forgetting that for five years, he was...”
“Yeah, yeah,” interrupted Mary, rolling her eyes, “..your surrogate little brother.”
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@omgrachwrites
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Hello lovelies! So, you don’t have to read below the line. I’m not expecting people to. I’m just in one of those late night moods ya know and I need to get a little off my chest so. Little huge vent time. Tw: loneliness? Some Swearing.
*deep breath*
I’m so touch starved rn 😅 which is funny and like aw ok until I’m like actually kinda depressed over it. I’m so fcking lonely irl.
My friends are…I love them so much. But I have a big friend group. And…I didn’t choose them? I kinda got dragged in freshman year by a mutual friend which was fine bc I was very shy and wasn’t doing all that great on my own, and said mutual friend was my bff for a long time. More on them later. (For this purpose, I’m gonna call them B). And like I said I love my friends now. But I’m not a big group kinda person. It stressed me out over the year. I tried to spread myself so thin, spending a little time with everyone, getting along with everyone even if not everyone in the general group got along anyways. And because if that, I feel like I got close to no one. I’m just above acquaintance status with everyone. I’m the friend that walks behind or in the grass by the sidewalks. If I don’t organize the event, I’m forgotten. This is partially my fault, I’m fully aware. But god I regret how I did my freshman year. I have a big group of friends. And I’m so fcking lonely. I have no one who is MY person, ya know? No one to make pillow forts with, no one to cry to. I’m sure I could with any of them and I know many of them do love me too, but I’m still a secondary thought. They wouldn’t come to me if they saw me down. Not like I always always go to them no matter how shitty I personally feel. A sentiment that is making me a little bitter and part of why I’m so ready to step away. They aren’t toxic friends, but they promote toxic behaviors for me and my emotions without realizing. They aren’t healthy for me. A big friend group like that… it’s too much for me and no where near enough return.
Now, I did mention B earlier. My best and closest friend of ages?? What about them?? It’s taken me 2 years to realize it, and even then I’m still struggling with accepting it, but that friendship was hella toxic. God I was in such denial fck now I’m crying lmao but they don’t mean it!!! Which is the worst part!!! They’re is nothing they can do. They have a lotttt of mental health issues going on and I have poured every ounce of my energy into helping them and it was never enough. It’s not my fault, I know, and I not theirs either. They need help beyond anyone. A mental hospital maybe (I mean this in the best way. Not like I want to get rid of them but as in they need extreme help). And once I realized how taxing this was, I stepped back. B was making a ton of friends, doing much better than I was in that department, so Ik they’d be safe. But I just…I couldn’t do it anymore? And I get absolutely awful about it, but…I did start to feel better. I physically had more energy. I was in a much better mental place. I was doing really well, for the first time in years. Which absolutely sucked for my guilt. And worse, B felt me pulling away. They begged me to stay, to always be there for them. And like a wimp, I promised. I know I can’t keep that promise. But I did. And I will always love them. So much. That part of the promise I really meant. B says all I need to do is be there for them, not even say anything. Just hugs. But hugs aren’t enough to sustain a friendship.
We used to talk about everything. We were two peas in a pod in middle school, B and I. We had the same interests, the same social awkwardness, music and food taste, and love of cuddles. It was perfect. And then we grew older. We changed slowly. Now, we couldn’t be more different. I cant sustain this friendship solely on hugs because I don’t know what to say anymore. We are just. Idk I could hug B for hours and in the end I’d still feel lonely cuz that’s not really human connection anymore? We are ready to grow apart as friends. Except emotionally they’re not. Not to mention thier family. I’m their second child. God it sucks but sometimes they treat me better than their own kid (prob cuz it’s not their place to discipline me. They are just giving me the loving parent stuff they know my own mother doesn’t give). How can I just say goodbye? I plan to still keep in touch, but it’s never going to be the same.
Not to mention my real mom despises all my friends. Because they’re gay. She’s empathic, which has been a source to a lot of trauma for me -_- which is why it’s hard to come to terms with the fact I’m also probably empathic (Which explains a lot of how I feel above). She forced me out of the closet one day, and I admitted it, and…things have never been the same. She says I’m not gay, I’m just absorbing other peoples energy and taking it on, so I think I am gay (an actual empathic thing, don’t feel like going into it but yeah). It’s probably gaslighting but I think she believes it. And sometimes I wonder if she’s right. I don’t think she is? I mean, no one in my constant vicinity is aromantic, especially when I realized I was. So that at least is all me. But because of this, my mom has never met my friends. I go to painstaking lengths and stress to keep them apart. Oh she knows about them. She can feel the gay in my energy or something and she knows about them apparently. She also questions me every time I watch gay media even if she doesn’t know. Cuz apparently h can absorb energy from tv and music too. Makes it kinda scary to watch the owl house lol.
And ofc it’s summer so I haven’t seen any friends anyways in ages. Girls at my dance don’t really care about me. So the loneliness is kicking in full gear. So next year, I’m going to try to make new friends. Im going to try to make the friends. Despite it being the middle of highschool. People who I can laugh to or cry to and am not constantly stressing over trying to make conversation or keep the friendship stable or keep the friend stable. Maybe straighter friends so I can bring them home safely…People I can have a movie kind of friendship with. I realize that may be unrealistic. But it’s summer, and I’m lonely and touch starved and low key surviving on the longing for this dream. And I can do this with my moots of, but it’s not the same. I’m a very touchy person, and we can pretend all we want, but most of us live 1000s miles away…
Shout out to Amphibia of all fcking shows 😅😭. God I love that little frog show. It kept me going through this past year and it’s given me some great advice and I’m going to need it this autumn. The theme is about change and growing for those who don’t know, and the general theme and ending of it is how my life is going, and will go if I have any day in the fall. It…it helped me come to terms with the toxicity with B too.
God this was so long. If you are here, reading this now…wow. I love you so much. Honey wtf are you doing here. 😅💖💖💖 thanks for listening. Im fine. Im really fine.
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V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox
The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it
Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc
Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:
Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)
Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that
Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together
Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff
Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)
Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too
Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category
Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster
George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together
Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out
Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high
Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic
Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him
Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy
Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf
Notable alums:
Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)
Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you
Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm
Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history
Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)
Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic
Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu
i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.
LOOK! AT! THIS!
f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon
i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas
to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby
PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)
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Tbh I'd love it if Miraculous did something similar to the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode in ATLA (or even something like Zuko alone), which was an episode containing various short stories of every character. This could let us see more bonding or characters alone.
Idk, imagine seeing Alya's regular life; dealing with the twins, talking to her big sister, cooking (I mean, her mom is a cook so I bet Alya knows something too). Or just a glimpse of her inmer thoughts —what she thinks about the world, her current life, etc. Maybe we can see her think about her current status as Rena. She's aware of the danger. What does she think? Is she sometimes afraid anything can go wrong? Maybe this motivates her to train. Or we could see her chill writing for her blog and answering fans, or explaining her routine and ways of documenting Ladybug and Chat Noir's adventures.
Maybe we could have Adrien and Nino hanging out as real friends and have Adrien help Nino similar to how Nino helps him a lot. Them just having fun as teenagers. But we could also have Carapace adventures too. He's not that used as a hero so I'd love to see him more. Maybe have him interact with the duo, with just LB, with just CN or even have him alone doing some mission. This guy is the perfect balance between those two and he's very wise so I'm sure we'd see very good conversations.
Kagami doing something that isn't Adrien or fencing would be nice too. Like, imagine her going on a walk home and thinking. Maybe she's listening to music and she suddenly finds someone, probably Marinette. Anyone but Adrien. And we get to see her process social interactions again, which I found very relatable in Ikari Gozen. Oh and I'd love to see her be conflicted because she wants to obey her mother but at the same time she has this rebellious wishes.
Alix and Chloé should be a must ahsjjdksmsmw. I'd LOVE seeing them interact. Maybe one day Chloé goes to the Art Club alone because Sabrina is busy and surprisingly, she only finds Alix, because the others went to search for something. And we just have this moment of them silently dissing each other until one starts talking about the past. It's been slightly hinted Chloé and Alix may have been friends at slme point, and they probably fell out. So I'd love some kind of comfrontation.
Maybe we could see something of Mylène? The daily things she does. Maybe her sending important things to her friends, organising manifestations, posting resources, researching... And she practising her speech abilities because she wants to inform people and be helpful. This show is only politically affiliated with ecologism so we'd probably see her daily routine caring for the planet and getting her friends into it too.
You know what I'd love? A heart-to-heart between Luka and Ivan. They must be close, and we know Ivan isn't the best at expressing his feelings with music but Luka is the total opposite. Maybe them writing music together and talking about their days or their instruments or their hobbies. Maybe Luka has some problem and Ivan is one of the only people he trusts to put down his chill, mature, front (I headcanon he tries to appear as having not many problems to better support Juleka and the people around him), and we could see Ivan advising him. What kind of adviser is Ivan?
Sabrina alone. Let's see her hobbies! Maybe she's secretly an Art Kid? We know she likes roleplaying. Maybe she likes writing too? Does she have pets? Is she a cat person? Maybe we could see her researching. She's an amazing researcher in my headcanon. What if we see she's actually investigating about Hawk Moth and secretly collaborating anonymously with Alya thru the LadyBlog? Oh and I bet Sabrina loves creating outfits, not really designing, just combining clothes. Idk she just gives me that vibe.
Max! What does Max do in his free time? He's surely gaming. Does he have gamer friends, online friends? Oh, better. Imagine him programming his own game as a personal project because he wants to test his own abilities. He going out to get inspired and walking down the streets. We could see him appreciating the world in a fun way —he probably knows a shit ton of random facts. And when he finishes his game, after testing a lot, he probably uses it to spend a fun evening with his friends too. Idk he seems like a very fun person to he around.
A short story on Kim going to a competition is something I'd love to see. He's been training a lot and he is super confident but his rivals are amazing too. Maybe he has some rival we're yet to meet? Maybe Ondine herself is not only his friend but his rival too? We could see Kim getting second and see how he reacts. Is he a bad loser, disappointed on himself or is he the supportive type who goes all "omg look at how fast you were!!!! Are you a merfolk???? Do you breath underwater???? You were so fast ahwjwkdjw"?
Juleka and Nath moments? Some time ago people loved the thought of them together but I think a friendship between them is better. They're both kind of shy (I'm thinking of Evillustrator!Nath, not Reverser!Nath tbh). What if they were each other's first friend? Maybe Nath got Juleka into modeling because he practised with her? "Jules please let me draw you I need a human" and Juleka answering y an ominous way "I'm not a human but ok", and eventually trying new clothes. Oh and we can see them talk about how they're kind of distanced right now but they still trust each other a lot and have this special connection.
Rose writing her songs. Where does she get the inspiration? Maybe we could see her in her room, a very pink room where she has an unicorn collection. Maybe she loves writing lyrical things. Does she write poemas? Rose gifting poemas to her friends would be so in character. Maybe see her writing a song about herself and her life? She is happy but we could hear her sing about her struggles (her disease, trying to help people but being unable, maybe she sometimes doubts her positivity thing and needs to give it some thought, etc but in the end she's sure she wants to make the day as bright as possible).
LILA'S DAY. WE NEED TO SEE LILA'S DAY. She's probably alone most of the day, as we've been hinted her mother is so busy. What does she do? Maybe she posts some happy, bright foto to Instagram and then we see her irl being bored as fuck. She just eats a bit and stays in her room. Does she keep track of her lies? She has to have a diary, for that I'm sure. Maybe we can see her writing in her diary? Her future plans or just her opinions on the people of her class. Does she like someone or is everyone boring to her? Maybe she sometimes feels bad about what she's doing? Please let us have sympathetic moments with Lila. Fucking Gabriel has them!!!!!
So yeah I think I covered everyone in the class + Luka and Kagami – Adrien and Marinette because they're the protagonists. I just want to see the secondary characters develop a little!!! We need to see more of them. Season 1 was fun because it showed us their individual personalities a lot.
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