#and also I'm the least in touch with myself person I know bc how did it take me this long to realize gender envy is one of the feelings?!?!

[martianbugsbunny]

ah stab me it's Hugh Jackman gives me gender envy hours again

[diagonal-queen]

hello can i request dazai, kunikida, and fyodor with an insomniac s/o who's really tired after a busy day but can't seem to fall asleep no matter what and gets frustrated bc of it

"Can't sleep?"

♡ pairing: Dazai Osamu, Doppo Kunikida, Fyodor Dostoyevsky x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do they help their S/O with insomnia get to sleep?

♡ cw: Reader is an insomniac (I genuinely don't know how that would manifest itself as a trigger but hey! I'm just one person in a sheltered world. Stay safe everyone <3), probably super inaccurate because I myself am not an insomniac and don't really know everything about it, Dazai horny, mentions of taking medication, mentions of alcohol, swearing

note: I feel like garbage cus my writing takes forever and I feel like I'm letting y'all down for taking so long with reqs, but I don't know what to do to fix itttttttt. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Dazai:

Well reader. You're lucky you cuffed yourself a night owl

He'll help you calm down from your frustration and tell you that it's fully normal. Everyone has trouble falling asleep, and you just haven't figured out an effective routine yet. He doesn't really know what he's talking about but if it makes you feel better then meh

His first suggestion would probably be sex, to tire you out. Even better if you go for multiple rounds just to be sure~

Yeah right Dazai, like anyone's gonna wanna fuck every single work night (besides him lmao). Safe to say, the idea is thrown out pretty quickly

He'll throw some similar ideas around (not necessarily sexual but certainly 'if they're tired out then they'll fall asleep faster') but those are all just temporary solutions, so he gives up quickly. What else did you expect from him?

He might also suggest drinking yourself to sleep since alcohol is a depressant and makes you tired. You have to remind him that excessive drinking is actually not good for you and should NOT be used as a substitute for sleep meds

He reckons that it's best for you two to let sleep overtake you naturally, and so you may as well just stay up for now.

From then on Dazai treats every single night like a sleepover. He'll wanna watch movies, eat snacks, and talk all night even if it's a work night and you absolutely shouldn't do that

If you want, he's happy to do something more chill like cuddling while sharing a pair of earphones playing mellow music

Whatever it is that the pair of you decide to do, he'll likely find that it helps him just as much, maybe even more, than it helps you. And he's grateful for that

Kunikida:

I feel like Kunikida also has at least mild insomnia, so he knows just how you feel and is right there to help you out

He's got it all ready. Fans/blankets to balance out the room's temperature, a warm drink (milk, tea, whatever you prefer), basically all the stuff Google would suggest

He would do all of that stuff alongside you even if he's already tired enough to fall asleep on his own because he understands the struggle. He doesn't give up until you're asleep and honestly get you a man who would also do that

He also discourages you from things like caffeine before bed or napping during the day to help you get more sleep at night

He'd make a whole new bedtime routine for the two of you and adjust it based on what works, it'd be like a whole thing that he takes super seriously

He'd suggest reading before bed and recommend/lend you books that he likes, and also read to you if you really pleaded for it. He really enjoys reading and he would be thrilled if the pair of you had a little thing you did together <3

If they don't give any side effects/react poorly with any meds you may already take then he would also give you some of his sleeping pills (because let's be real he's fully stocked with them. this man)

Kunikida would let you cuddle him in your sleep whether or not he likes it or it makes him sweat, because let's face it you need the sleep and he needs the physical touch. It's basically a win-win

He gives you permission to wake him up if you can't sleep and need his help, or if you want company in your waking time.

He honestly does whatever it takes to help you because he cares so much about you. Perfect man fr

Fyodor:

Bold of you to assume that Fyodor sleeps. Like ever. He's too busy being evil or something

When he learns that you're an insomniac he's fully willing to let you stay up late with him while he's working if you're in need of company. He doesn't care whether you're just on your phone or reading a book or whatever

If you ask him he'll also let you sit in his lap and cuddle him (as long as you don't bother him- if you do he's sending you right to bed)

Fyodor knows that calming music is a good way to help people sleep, so if you're down he'd be willing to play something mellow and soft on his cello for you

He probably wouldn't admit it but he kinda likes that you find it hard to get to sleep since it gives him an excuse to spend more time with you

But if you really do wanna get to bed then he'll have some tea made for you and he'll read to you. His voice is very relaxing and nice to fall asleep to and he kinda knows it (he's smug about it too because he's a bastard)

If you find that you actually sleep better in his presence then he's more than happy to move a couch into his office and let you sleep there.

He's also happy to forfeit (SOME) work so he can come to bed earlier and help you sleep. And he's also happy to cuddle you because you're warm

Fyodor will basically just help you get to sleep with methods that he uses to get himself to sleep because it's the only way he knows how. Even if it doesn't work please give him credit for trying because he really is trying super hard T-T

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco

[dizzyjelly]

You Deserve Better, I'm Better(18+)

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Abbys dating Owen, and you hate him. But she doesn't like him all that much, either. You deal with the unreciprocated feelings until one night you come to find out, she really wants you.

Cw: Owen, toxic bf behavior, a little arguing, fem!reader, drinking, cheating, reader cries a little, smut, fingering(a!receiving), pussy eating(a!reciving), boob stimulation(both receiving.)

A/n: I love this one you guys!! Was so happy to write so much Owen slander bc let's bffr who likes Owen. Maybe he's not thst bad but he did cheat on his PREGNANT gf, like come on. Anyways I do NOT condone cheating but it's needed for the plot of this fic so yeah, hope yall enjoy.

You'd never understand what she saw in him. Sometimes you thought she didn't even know what she saw in him. At first, it was just because he was taking away your quality time with you best friend. But your feelings of jealousy slowly grew into something you weren't sure how to handle.

You didn't just want to be Abbys friend, you liked her. Let's be honest, you loved her. But there's no way she felt the same, she was with Owen after all. But why? He wasn't cute, nor did he have that great of a personality.

Maybe it was just because he played varsity football. Which still wasn't that great of a reason. Oh, well. At least she still made time for you.

Nothing was out of the norm until she started to favor you over him. Not that you were complaining, but his new passive aggressive attitude towards her bothered you. And he'd grown to dislike you, which was a big reason why she didn't hang around him as much. It was weird, he was her boyfriend after all.

However, even if it was puzzling to you, you weren't going to complain. In fact you enjoyed this new favoritism. It made you feel.. wanted. You wished she wanted you like you wanted her.

Tonight was the first varsity football game of the season. Abby was attending, obviously, and you joined her because well, she asked you to. Pleasee it'll be so boring if I go by myself, those were her exact words. She also complained about having to hang out with the other players girlfriends, who she has a strong distaste for.

"Feels nice to rest my feet." You sigh softly as everyone sat for the halftime show.

"Yeah.." Abby smiles over at you.

Your arms touched and your thighs were squished against one another due to how packed the bleachers were. It was fairly cold out so you shared a blanket Abby had brought. It rested on each of your shoulders and draped over one of your arms.

Curiously, your eyes drifted to the scoreboard. Your school was winning by three points, to which you cracked a smile. You weren't sure why because you didn't give a fuck about football, but it just felt nice. Abbys eyes however, never left you. She took the chance to admire you like some creep as you looked away. As you started to turn back she fixed her gaze to the field.

"Hey, we're winning." You tap her arm with the back of your hand.

"Oh, nice." She smiles at you.

Since the halftime show was beginning, the football players got to sit at the sidelines. Which really meant they all ran into the stands to say hi to their friends. You sighed and glared at Owen with annoyance as he approached you and Abby. Immediately he leaned down and took her chin in his hand, kissing her like his life depended on it.

And you wished it was you. You wanted to put your lips against hers, you wanted to hold her face in her hands. Fuck you even wanted to feel her tongue swirl against your own. You're pulled out of this trance as you notice Abby pushing him away and letting out a small groan.

"Fuck was that." Owen's voice is rough and he stares at you, like it was your fault.

"Sorry you're just- you're all sweaty. Kinda gross." She's quick to come up with an excuse.

"Whatever" he scoffs and rolls his eyes, God you hated him, "are you at least coming out with us after the game?"

"Can Y/n come?" Abby asks, looking over at you and smiling for the first time since Owen came over.

"Fine." He let's out a small sigh and looks your way once again.

"Then sure, why not?" She shrugs.

And thank God Owen left almost immediately after that. He'd never been a joy to be around, but lately it was like you could not stand him even if you tried. Abby just dismissed it, like always, saying he probably just had a bad day. You hated how she'd defend him.

Even so, you just let out a small sigh and ignored it. As much as you hated to hear it, you were Abby's best friend after all. Of course she'd tell you about her boyfriend. If only things were different. Then again, even if Owen was a good guy, you'd probably still be jealous. She deserved better, and you were better.

In the end, the opposing team won by fourteen points which left Owen and his teammates sulking. They all went to the locker rooms to get cleaned up, Abby got a text from Owen saying they'll meet you guys outside. She put her phone away and noticed you were shivering a bit.

She has folded the blanket and was carrying it, but she walked behind you and wrapped it around your shoulders. Then you blushed as she wrapped her arms around you and embraced you from behind. What was she doing? And it's like she read your mind, because before you could even ask, she said,

"Body heat." It was whispered right into your ear and you felt small puffs of her hot breath fan over your neck.

You gave in, you always gave in to her. Your hands wrapped around her arms and you leaned back into her. She didn't do stuff like this when you were out a lot. But no one was really around, just some of the other girls who'd be going out with you guys. And they wouldn't say anything, hopefully.

Disappointment filled your mind as the sound of boys clamoring could be heard and she stepped away from you. Her hand rested at your lower back right up until Owen was getting close enough to notice, then she kept her hands to herself. You frowned. It wasn't fair, he changed her.

The group of people you went out with, which consisted of Owen, three other football players, and their girlfriends, took a bunch of separate cars since almost all of you drove. Abby looked at you expectantly when Owen held her hand and wanted her to ride with him. You drove to the game together that night. You didn't know what she expected, were you supposed to tell her to go with you instead? It was awkward to say the least.

"I'll be fine, Abs. I know how to drive my car, go ahead with him." You nod.

Owen furrowed his brows with confusion. It's like she needed your permission or something.

"Okay, just- be safe." She settles on that and a pat to your shoulder.

You made your way to your car and Abby got into the passenger seat of Owen's. As you drove you listened to your favorite songs and only thought about her. Abby was not having as good of a time.

"What's up with you and Y/n?" He'd ask not even a minute after he started to drive.

"What does that even mean?" Abby asked in return, crossing her arms, "she's my best friend if you're asking what we are."

"Is she really? Why do you always hang out with her instead of me, hm." He looks over at her and she just stares blankly at him, "Yeah that's what I thought. Quit acting like she owns you, I'm your boyfriend."

Abby was silent. It was extremely painful because he was right. Not that she thought you owned her, or she acted like it, but still. She did favor you a lot and would do anything you asked. God why was she so stupid.

In all reality, Abby liked you way before she got with Owen. She just thought you were out of her league so she never went for it. But lately, she's felt that you might like her back. She hoped. But why did she want to be with you if she was with him. Owen never satisfied her, emotionally or sexually.

There was just something so intriguing about you. And she remembered all the hook ups you'd tell her about. How loud the girls always were. She wished it was her you were touching, her that you were making feel so good she couldn't help but scream.

Owen pulled into the parking lot of some diner and she was pulled out of her delightful fantasy. A sigh fell past her lips as she got out of the car, slamming the door shut and walking over to stand by the road and watch for you. Owen went inside to find his friends.

You pulled in and she smiled, walking over to your car. As you got out she looked into the diner, making sure she was out of Owen's view before she pulled you into a hug. Everytime she hugged you it was so.. intimate. Her arms would envelop you and she'd pull your body against hers.

"Missed me that much?" You'd tease, giggling softly.

"Shut up." She playfully shoved your shoulder as she pulled away.

You just shook your head softly then followed her inside. Everyone else was busy ordering, she sat in the booth and looked at you.

"Sit by me." She smiled.

"Of course, I have to use the bathroom first though I'll be right back." You nodded softly then headed to the bathroom.

When you returned to the corner booth, you were displeased to find it basically full and just a little room left for you on the end. Abby was sat between Owen and some black haired girl who laughed obnoxiously. She looked at you and frowned, mouthing a 'sorry' as you had to squeeze your way into a seat.

You waved your hand as to say 'it's fine' then you all began to eat. Abby felt bad, she just kind of sadly stared at you for the duration of the meal. You really didn't mind all that much. The only thing that really bothered you was seeing her with him. But you were getting used to that feeling now.

Dinner finally ended and everyone started to say their goodbyes. You kept an eye on Owen and Abby as they stood further away, he seemed to be asking her for something but she was giving him a very adamant no. When you saw how they acted sometimes, you wondered how they were even still together.

Eventually he gave her a small kiss then walked away, stomping and throwing the door open with frustration. He must've been really mad. Abby just rolled her eyes and walked over to you.

"You wanna stay over tonight?" She asks, rubbing at the back of her neck nervously.

"I'd love to, let's go." You walked out to your car and began driving to her house.

As she sat in the passenger seat, Abby felt relaxed. You were like a breath of fresh air for her. Nothing like him. She wished she'd just asked you out all that time ago. Maybe you would've said yes. But maybe not.

Once you got to her house, she announced that her parents weren't home. Something that might seem taboo, but really it just meant you'd raid their liquor cabinet. You'd each take a shot of vodka and scrunch your noses in disgust before sharing a beer, then another. Before Abby had the chance to offer a third, you suggested a movie and popcorn instead.

She threw some in the microwave then came to join you on the couch. You moved closer to her when she sat down, then your eyes scanned the room for the remote. It was on the side table next to Abby, so you leaned over her lap and rested your hand on the armrest to grab it. She took the chance to ogle at your ass, and your entire body really.

You stumbled back with a giggle as you fell onto her strong thighs, your chest pressing against them. Her breath hitched at the feeling of you, more specifically how the fat of your tits squished against her. Thank God the microwave beeped so she had an excuse to pull you up by your arms and get up. Surely there'd been a wet patch on her boxers by now. She felt sick.

Abby returned with a large bowl of popcorn and some chocolate as well. You gasped happily and thanked her as she set it down on the coffee table. She didn't bother asking what you wanted to watch, figuring you'll probably fall asleep anyways. She settled on a horror-comedy.

You grabbed the popcorn from the table and put it into her lap, taking a handful every now and then as you also ate some of the chocolate. Eventually you were full and now just rested your head on her shoulder, one of your hand wrapped around her forearm and the other just sat on your own thigh.

Her breath hitched whenever you'd move a bit and your hair would tickle her neck. She'd been this close to you before, so why was she acting like some horny teenage boy all of a sudden? She moved forward to set the nearly empty bowl of popcorn on the table and you sat beside her normally now.

"Can I lay my head in your lap?" You whispered, looking over at her as she sat back with some chocolate.

"Yeah.." She nodded, this was definitely a bad idea but how could she say no to you.

You smiled and moved so your feet tucked up on the couch and your cheek pressed against her thigh. You kept your hand rested on your stomach. Abby let out a quiet groan, then immediately focused on the TV as to not seem suspicious. You didn't notice anyways.

A few minutes later, you looked up at her with a goofy smile to point out that one of her favorite actors was on screen. Then you noticed she had some chocolate smudged at the corner of her lip. Without thinking, you sat up and leaned into her. One of your hands held her shoulder for stability as the other came to her cheek and your thumb swiped at the corner of her lip.

You could feel it wetten slightly as you weren't the most coordinated and the tip accidently slipped between her lips. She froze, until she didn't. Before you could even remind her she had a boyfriend, her lips were on yours and she was pulling you into her lap.

But all you could think was that this didn't mean anything good. You were both tipsy, maybe she didn't even mean it. Maybe she just did it because she knew she could. Your insecurities got the best of you and instead of continuing the sloppy kisses Abby pulled away as she felt your tears falling onto her own face.

"Oh god.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- are you okay?" She apologizes, thinking you didn't want to kiss her.

"Yeah.. no. I just- why are you even kissing me? You have a boyfriend Abby." She blushed.

"I don't care about him." She sighed, resting her forehead against yours and holding your face in her hands while simultaneously wiping at your tears.

"Y/n.. I've wanted you forever. Long before I even met that asshole. I just thought I never had a chance but lately, I thought maybe I did." She explains and you felt so many different things.

I mean you believed her, you really did. And you really wanted to kiss her again, you wanted to do more than kiss her. You smiled, kissing her cheek softly.

"Abby. Of course you have a chance, you always had a chance." You whisper.

After you made out on the couch some more, during which she grabbed your ass quite a bit and let her strong hands run across your body. It wasn't long before she was carrying you into her bedroom and laying you down.

Now she kissed down your body, looking up at you as she pushed at your shirt. You took it off and let out small moans when she started to kiss at and grope your tits. How was she so good at this? Your hands found their way to her hair, tugging at her tight braid and causing her to let out a groan and crack a smile.

As Abby kissed down to your waistline, she looked up at you. You bit your lip and motioned for her to come up closer. She did so, her arms caging you in on either side and loose strands of her hair tickling your face. You leaned up to whisper in her ear.

"I wanna show you first.. wanna show you how good I'll make you feel.." You wanted to sound strong, but your voice was whiny and needy.

Abby didn't seem to care though because her breath hitched and she nodded quickly, laying down beside you.

"Please. Show me.." She whispered, looking over at you.

First your lips traveled from her own, down to her jaw and neck. Then her collarbones. And you swore you could've come just from the sight of her topless. You spent quite some time on her tits, which was mostly self indulgent but she still enjoyed it. Finally you kissed down her sternum all the way to her lower belly.

She couldn't believe the sight of you when you looked up at her with your chin resting on her clothed heat. Your fingertips rested at the waistband of her cargo pants and she nodded. You unbuttoned them and pulled the zipper down agonizingly slow, she wad growing impatient as her hips unintentionally bucked up into your grip.

Once you removed her pants, her legs spread for you almost instantly. You groaned at the sight of the wet patch on her boxers, you couldn't help it as you moved forward to kiss it gently a few times.

"P-please.. take them off.." now she was the whiny one.

"I got you Abs.." You nod and remove her boxers, and it was definitely a sight to see.

Her slick had gathered all around her lips and if you focused enough you might be able to see her clit throb. You bit your lip as you ran your finger through her slick folds, then licked it clean.

"God you're so fuckin sexy.." You'd whisper before diving in.

Your lips wrapped around her clit and you flicked your tongue over it at a fast pace. She squirmed a bit at first, so you took hold of her thighs and kept them in place. Her moans were music to your ears, and when she'd moan your name, let's just say you could die happy.

Eventually you began to tease her hole with your middle finger, slipping it in and curling up in a way no one else ever could. She gasped when you added another finger and continued these movements.

"Shit, that feels so good.." She panted.

"Yeah?" You tease, removing your mouth from her but continuing to curl your fingers inside her, "I bet I fuck you better than him, don't I?" A rhetorical question of course.

"Yes!" She moaned loudly, just wanting you to suck at her clit again.

For the time being you but your thumb to it instead and rubbed tight circles.

"Say it." You whispered, looking up at her.

She looked so beautiful. Her eyes squeezed shut with pleasure and her lips glossy and fallen open. The way her eyebrows also creased made you want to eat her out forever.

"You fuck me bett-" She cut herself off with a loud moan as you hit thst sweet spot inside her, "so much better than him.." She finally whined.

Satisfied, you removed your thumb and began to suck at her clit again. Her moans grew louder and you could feel her clench around your fingers, she was close. She wanted to tell you, but she was too overwhelmed with pleasure to form a coherent sentence. That didn't matter though, because you knew.

When she did finally cum, it felt so amazing. Sure she'd finished on her own before, but never like this. She called out your name and her hand tangled in your hair as you didn't stop going.

"I already came.." She whispered to you, you looked up at her and pulled off her cunt for a moment.

"I know, how about one more for me?" You asked, she could see how some of her release glistened your chin and blushed.

"Mhmm.." She hummed and you kept going.

While it was supposed to be one more, it was really two. You wanted to go for another but the way Abby could barely catch her breath had you finally letting her rest. Carefully, you moved up beside her and laid your head on her bare chest. One of your hands stroked her thigh gently as her legs still trembled a bit from the third orgasm.

She put her arm around you and leaned her head against your own. You smiled then let out a small sigh as you sat up.

"Come on, you gotta pee." You spoke softly to her.

She just nodded and you walked to the bathroom with her, washing your hands in the sink as she did her business. After she was done you returned to her room and she changed into new boxers and an oversized t-shirt.

"What about you?" She'd whisper once the two of you settled back into bed, her arms wrapped around your back as you laid your body weight across her.

"Don't worry, you can take care of me next time." You whisper back as you nuzzled your face against her neck and brought one of your hands to rest on her chest.

She ran her fingers through your hair as you started to fall asleep. Then once she was sure you were out, she whispered.

"I love you." She let her own eyes fall shut and drifted off to sleep within minutes.

But you weren't asleep yet, you heard her. And all you could do was smile.

[hannahssimblr]

you are SO good at conveying romantic chemistry visually! do you have any tips or advice on how to make romance more romantic?

oh, thank you so much! I love writing romance but it's sometimes hard to know how effective I'm actually being conveying it, so, this is really nice to hear.

I guess that when I'm writing romance the focus is always on the feelings in a person's body. To me, that feels more important than anything the character is seeing or hearing. To be honest, it was always easier for me to write romance from Evie's POV because I know how it feels to be a gal who likes boys, so I guess I always just tried to put myself in her skin.

For her, every time Jude touched her, or almost touched her was A Moment, and I made sure to always make innocent moments between them seem kinda sexual, and build up that tension until finally - omg, finally, he actually is touching her in that way, and it's almost a relief.

It's always in the tension - the things that aren't happening, rather than the things that are, and always, the things that were sexiest about Jude were the things that she didn't know about him - the things she could imagine he had done and was doing with other people. It's like, the weight of his gaze on her, the heat of his body, still on the hoodie he just gave her, him accidentally brushing against her - someone else could do those things, and she wouldn't notice it, but she does with him. I think even mentioning those small things builds the romance.

Two people who like each other will always be aware of the proximity of the other in the room, they'll think of one another using slightly sexual terms, or at least in a physical way, they'll always long for more contact, even if it's just by being close and not touching. Like, the air between them is always charged and hot.

there's a couple bits towards the end of Lucky Girl where the tension is really building, and I'm gonna quote them bc!! I thought they were sensual without being overtly so.

“Worth a try.” He shrugs, and lifts it out of my hands. When he takes another sip he puts his lips against the very same spot where my mouth was, and I wonder if he did it on purpose. The idea of which is strangely erotic. I shiver. “Are you going to stay over?”

This is a scene when they are alone at night in her apartment. Later he asks her why she took all of the little studs out of her ear, and lightly pinches his finger and thumb against her earlobe, which makes her heart pound and she goes to bed and has a saucy dream about him lmao.

When Jude shifts positions next to me and accidentally presses his thigh against mine I wait for him to move it, but he doesn’t. In the dark of this room, where the only light is the glow from the television screen, I risk a glance at his face, and he looks right back at me, saying nothing. But I swear there’s something in his eyes, because at that moment they seem to glitter even brighter than the city lights outside the window.

um, accidentally? This is the day before he finally makes a move on her.

“Oh.” I whisper. “I like those a lot. I wish I looked like that all of the time.” “Yeah, I like them too,” he says. “And actually, you do. That’s just how you look to me.” And in that small moment his gaze feels weighted, so much so that goosebumps erupt on my arms as though there’s an electrical current moving beneath my skin. I feel him watching my face, but meeting his eyes feels risky, it’s always felt a bit risky, because I want him so badly that sometimes it makes it hard to breathe. I fear that too much time spent looking at him might drive me to start doing the sorts of things I know I will spend time regretting.

he photographs her, and she likes the pics, and also kinda wants him to fuck her right now on the studio floor, I guess.

I could go on more and more about what I've learned about the actual getting-together part, and what I know about kiss scenes and sex scenes and depicting actual relationships but! Maybe I'll make a whole separate post for that if I'm not feeling frightened lol!

[1eos]

mx kendra, do you have any advice for job hunting? I'm about to start looking(again), but its always so intimidating - have a lovely day!

how it feels to start job hunting in the 2020s:

but yes i have advice for you anon! last time i went job hunting i got serious enough where i was reading 'askamanager' blogs and shit like that to really make sure i wasn't wasting my effort

so kendra's advice to job hunting in the most effort effective way:

first and most importantly is to understand that job hunting rn is simply a numbers game. it's not you it's just that the society we're living in is full of shit. for every 10 job postings, 4 are fake, 1 has an internal candidate in mind already, 3 are just posting jobs to look good and the rest are legit but slow af

bc job hunting is a numbers game its easy to be discouraged if you're not receiving responses consistently as proof that you're not just throwing shit into the void so its superrr imperative to try your best to apply to legit jobs. ive found my best success using indeed as a method of jobs being brought to me and then going on the company website myself and applying. this also doubles as a way to make sure a job posting/company is real

keep a spreadsheet of applied jobs. i just googled 'job application spreadsheet template' and picked one of the first ones i saw, made a copy, and then modified it to suit my needs. keeping a spreadsheet was one of the best things i did bc it can help keep track of jobs you've found and haven't applied to/ones you have applied to/and if you're like me and had a goal of getting a state job i could pre-empt when the interview requests were gonna come in lol 😭

resumes/cover letters. whew. probably the most important part of job hunting. ai scanning or not its a good rule of thumb to have skills mentioned in the job description to match the job posting. what i did was dedicate a folder in my google drive to job stuff and made a folder for each kind of jobs i was interested in. from there i would find a job i wanted to apply to and tailor an old resume to have a bunch of the shit mentioned in the posting on the new resume. i'd save it in the appropriate folder with the date i edited it. if you haven't been in the habit of tailoring your resume you may be doing this a lot but eventually you'll have so many variations you won't have to do much editing if at all. and i do the same with cover letters. i have a general template for my cover letter and then tweak them for each kinds of jobs im looking for. this + ditching linkedin helped me A LOT

create an interview cheatsheet. you probably already know the job hunting sphere has a language and culture all its own. personally as someone with a touch of the 'tism it do not make sense to me so i have unknowingly not navigated interviews as well as i could have. what's helped? ask a manager. seriously. miss allison has helped me blend in as a normie soooo much 😭😭😭😭 if you have any specific questions/have any specific weaknesses just search the site but what really helped me was the list of good interview questions. oh and for the longest i could never come up with a good question to ask my interviewer but one day google recced me this article and now every time i ask 'so what would separate a good candidate from an excellent candidate in this role' and when i tell you my interviewers gag every time lollllll. i also went through 'boost your interview iq' [pdf download link here <3] and jotted down notes on how i can answer common interview questions to quickly be able to go over the night before

study the job posting before the interview btw and try to drum up at least one correlating anecdote for some of the major points of the job bc they WILL ask you that lollllllll

[ad-hawkeye]

posing you a potentially difficult task:rate artem’s year three worst to best(when you get the time ofc)

anon this was difficult on my soul. but i did it. mostly. because there's one or two i haven't watched in full myself, and one of those i legit have heard nothing about in terms of quality, i will mark them with a star.

i will also be including some of the upcoming third year cards i've read the translations of.

with that disclaimer out of the way, here's my list! worst from best.

ocean’s enchantment [summer splash] - i have no clue how they made a card that i consider worse than artem's second anniversary card but. by god did they do it. never say anything is impossible. at least artem was dressed nice in his second anniversary card. and also shitfaced. literally nothing is in this card's favor. also artem knowing how to surf is mind numbingly stupid i'll say it. lavish invitation [second anniversary] - i've bitched and moaned about this card for nearly two years now. you all know the takes on this one. third anniversary - this one nearly put me to sleep! 2/10. despite some weird short lived ooc moments, not as bad as artem's second anniversary card. its main sin is being a chore to get through. i was fighting against the urge to skip forward. mediocre art. top up cello ssr - ugh. i got so annoyed by this one i stopped watching a few minutes before the end. it's yet another "omg no way artem is a master at this random ass hobby?!?!?!?!??" card that year three LOVES and the explanation for it is so convoluted. really pretty art though. always happy to see rosa's canonical violin skills mentioned. calm as the night [billiards] - this one was fine. i guess? first of the cards i don't actively dislike. epic highs (omg this part made me smile like a year one/two card!) and epic lows (why are they licking each other's arms) velocity of desire [racing]* - i'd rank this one equal to artem's billiards card. one of the ssrs i mentioned that i haven't actually read, but i've seen people have generally indifferent to positive commentary on. better handling of jealousy. the actual event this came with was super cute though. love for the ages [3rd birthday] - cute art, serviceable if not a teensy bit convoluted story. an enjoyable time. this ranking is NOT about the birthday event it came with which, imo, sucked major ass. enshrouded sunglow - to the surprise of no one the au cards are going to wind up topping this list. funny enough i think this is artem's weakest au card. it's afraid to take risks and was a bit more boring than the other aus. still ages better than most of year three though. cutie ollie - mind boggling how this card where artem "isn't used to this kind of physical touch" in regards to mc playing with his hair, comes AFTER the daddy dom sex god ssr. anyways this one is very cute. i'm convinced it was supposed to be a year two card bc the only mention of second anniversary is a quick mention of an engagement ring. lmao. stormy enigma [bakerlon] - bakerlon my beloved. save me bakerlon save me. one of artem's better au cards, but i still wouldn't rank it first. also celestine is in it! a win! belle nuit d'amour - further evidence to my claim that tot's personal story cards rarely if ever suck. some good character stuff, the closest we've seen to artem fucking up a case, really good art. would recommend. or maybe not idk i haven't actually read the global version but i can't imagine it's too different from the fan translation i read. dragonsbreath - this one ties with the weeds for my favorite artem au card story. neil is in this one. fun plot. good art. good characterization.

[UNRANKED] voice of comfort* - i have not read this one nor have i ever seen anyone talk about it like. ever. or maybe i did read it and just fucking forgot. idk. don't really have the energy to read it regardless. the art is kinda mid. if anyone wants to message me their thoughts on this one, i can tentatively adjust my ranking on it

*i have not personally read either of these. any ratings are done via word of mouth or summary. regard these ratings tentatively.

[tomwambsgans]

i think a lot in general, really, about greg's culturedness (and lack thereof) and his interests, both what he's canonically known to like and what i can imagine he'd like -- and, also, what the fandom has often seemed to just decide he likes. and it's funny bc he's kinda shoehorned into the trope of the bookish type, when like... he's not, lol?

not that he couldn't be, like i do like to imagine him having been a bookworm as a kid, and getting (back) into reading through tom, but imo the wider fandom's desire to actually characterize him this way comes at best from greg being really verbose and awkward. and a little bit from the way he occasionally dresses. and like, yeah, he clearly is kinda cultured. he (probably) went to college for a period of time. he knows a lot of fun facts. particularly about animals. he's familiar with the blue danube waltz.

...and he maintains likely performative knowledge of current events prior to that being his job. he almost certainly got/gets the majority of his news through twitter. he doesn't know any philosophers or historians despite that being something ewan has clearly been talking about forever. he listens to self-help podcasts. he enjoys the in-universe equivalent to shitty marvel movies (though he's at least self aware about it and calls them mediocre). and he's got entry-level art on the wall of his office.

he's also often figured to be a musichead - and yeah, i like the idea of midwest/canadian emo greg. death cab and weezer and records from the 70s, especially as a teenager. But the only music we know for a fact that he listens to is rap. and i think the reason that this (and similar) facts are touched on so little by the fandom (including myself, ngl) is that it's a point of non-relatability for people. so much of greg is deeply relatable, as well as aesthetically aspirational. but the bits that aren't relatable, particularly for tumblr users, are really unrelatable. acknowledging some of greg's few canonical interests (especially just working with how few there even are without inventing new ones) creates an image of a whole different and kinda uncomfortable type of guy. whether it's the fact alone that it's rap (which i'm sure is not a common interest among tumblr's userbase), or the specific discomfort of the vibe that greg gives off re: enjoying it, that has to be what's going on. or a big part of it.

also i obviously don't think there's anything wrong with headcanoning particular interests and just assuming that we barely have an opportunity to see them, but i do think it's noteworthy that in general we very rarely if ever hear greg make any cultural references, especially compared to other characters. my personal take on this is that a combination of 1) a pathological need to Fit In, 2) being a stoner for possibly all his formative years, 3) genuinely not having access to a lot for a while, and 4) putting focus mainly into conventional success for the show's timeline, has helped craft a greg who just did/does not interact with media very much or very deeply. unlike others, he has not been afforded that leisure time.

it's the desperation to convince ourselves that greg is not the Normie With Nothing Going On Upstairs that he sometimes seems like, i think, that mostly motivates all this. he's simultaneously too relatable and too unrelatable for the average viewer. like, when you relate to any of the sibs you're perfectly ready to ignore the parts of their life that are related to their wealth and to focus only on the family aspects, bc that's what matters. there isn't the same kind of wall between the audience and greg, so he inevitably gets reshaped. not just getting toploaded with headcanons but having the character traits that influence his canon interests, or vice versa, ignored.

(NOT trying to conflate liking rap with being uncultured btw, just the fact that we don't know of almost anything else he likes, and it appears so little anyway and doesn't seem in line with the rest of his aesthetic and therefore feels easy to ignore. and liking marvel movies DOES in fact make you seem less cultured, so.)

thing is, i think there's a lot you can do without compromising greg's core traits and a lot of it is just up to personal taste and what any given person wants to project onto him. in any case it IS very congruent with canon that greg would develop new interests, or deepen more shallow ones, throughout the timeline of the show and especially after. he's got more time and money and opportunities now. he has a favorite champagne now. greg's journey is partially, ostensibly, one of him honing his taste.

[theinfinitedivides]

listening to the PS:2 soundtrack again in an attempt to bite the bullet and psyche myself up to watch both films back to back in August(? that's the goal at least, if i get to watch it earlier even better) and i have been stuck on Veera Raja Veera for an hour and a half. i have also figured out my personal ranking for all versions of the song at last and it went about as well as i would have expected. it started to get too long for the f*cking tags tho so i decided to put in this post, we'll see how it goes from here—list is in order from least liked to most liked btw

5. going to start this off by saying i'm so so sorry to Gulzar but it's something about the rhythm for me. the lyrics are lovely but the way they are lining up with the music in the Hindi version,,,,,,, or failing to in certain parts,,,,,, it's not it. it's not it. it does well in the first minute or so and then heads downhill from there, and tbh it's not his fault i think it's just the sheer amount of syllables that they have to fit in compared to the original? and with that in mind it's not going to sound the same, obviously, but what salvages it from being a complete disappointment is the way we got both Shreya Ghoshal and Kavita Krishnamurthy as a duet in this year of our Lord 2023. Kavita, who still sounds the same as she did on the Dil Se soundtrack singing Satrangi Re and the Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam soundtrack and the Devdas soundtrack and the Yaara Dildaara soundtrack and the K3G soundtrack with Bole Chudiyan and Shreya Ghoshal who is a pleasure to listen to on practically everything she touches (Bajirao Mastani and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and that aalap just before her verse with Kavita here i'm looking at you) and— *inhales* *exhales* ok. do appreciate them letting Kavita take the 'चुन चुन चुन चुन / जाली रे जाली चिंगारी' portion in the Hindi translation bc she sounded beautiful there. (she always reminded me of Lata in that regard i think, and for some inexplicable reason i've by extension connected the two of them to Zohra Sehgal in some of her roles)

favorite line — 'दुश्मन पे टूटे जब | बिजलियों का वीर' / 'dushman pe toote jab | bijilyon ka vaar'. this is one of those times where the rhythm works in their favor and works well, and it leads perfectly into the rest of the verse imo. also @ that one guy going 'योद्धा~~' / 'yodhaa~~' at the very end of the song ty for your service

3. in contrast to the rhythm problems of the Hindi the Kannada recording is very smooth? i don't know if that makes sense as someone who doesn't speak the language but it's like water. like water in a stream just one after another going over the stones in the riverbed as it passes or the waves lapping against the side of the ship or the gentle sound wind chimes make when they hit against each other in the lightest breeze—the phrasing doesn't feel forced (ty Jayant Kaikini sir) and the syllables match the music as well as the original. ofc Rakshita Suresh and Sivasri Skandaprasad have a part to play with their solos in this sounding as good as it does, despite its ranking on my list (which will be explained in the next entry), and while i expected nothing less from Rakshita after Kirunage, this is the first i'm hearing from Sivasri and she blew me away. i had to listen to it several times to be able to tell them apart, and i might still be wrong bc their voice color is very, very similar, but they took what Rahman gave them and made it their own. (is it Rakshita that starts and Sivasri that continues? i'm thinking that it alternates between them with Sivasri ending that portion)

favorite line — 'ಮಳೆಗರೆವಾಗ ಬಾಣ | ಅಡಗಳು ಎಲ್ಲಿ ತಾಣಾ' / 'malegarevaaga baana | adagalu elli thaana'. this is where the river analysis stands out to me bc this feels like putting pebbles said river into a tumbler and rolling them over and over until they come out smooth and polished and just. right. (i am using the word smooth a lot to talk about the Kannada version sksksksk but can you blame me)

3. technically Malayalam and Kannada tie for third place on here (there is no fourth place. there is 4.75th place rounded up to fifth place and that belongs to the Hindi entry as previously stated) but Malayalam has the slightest edge for me. in terms of sound/pronunciation it's the closest to the original—i know most scholars believe that Malayalam descended from Tamil and split early on, so that might have something to do with it, but it sounds like a perfect cross between the flow of Kannada and the strength of the Tamil and ugh. pair that with Srinivas featuring and Shweta Mohan taking on that solo (by herself!!! and eating that sh*t like it was a duet!!!) and Rafeeq Ahamed as the lyricist and i play it almost as often as i play the original. (i was almost half expecting to hear the extension at the end in this version, that's how good it was)

favorite line — 'കടലിൽ ചുഴലി പോലെ | തവ നൗക കളിരമ്പി' / 'kadalil chuzhali pole | thava noukakalirambi'. i am in love with what Shweta does here, especially with the latter half of the line ('... നൗക കളിരമ്പി' / 'noukakalirambi') since she just heads straight into the 'വൻകടൽ...' and for some reason that is so auditorily pleasing to me. i don't have any rational thoughts behind that that's just how it is. her aalap before her verse is also breathier/softer than Shreya's if that makes sense but it fits her perfectly

2. Telugu. holy f*ck, Telugu. you put Shankar Mahadevan (i don't think i've ever heard him sing a bad song. ever. at least not what i've heard) and Chinmayi (Tere Bina???? Mayya Mayya???? Titli???? i'm still not over any of them from her????) in the same song you make every f*cking verse rhyme almost exactly courtesy of Chandrabose if Kannada is the sound of water then Telugu is pure silk and honey and the feel of something melting in your mouth and you expect me to stay alive? the actual f*ck? admittedly i may be biased bc one of my OCs is Telugu and i have been putting Telugu covers from my Bollywood playlist on loop for inspo but uh Rahman what the f*ck. what the f*ck am i supposed to do with that kind of genius

favorite line(s) — 'సమరం శ్రుతించైరా శిఖరం స్పృశించైర' / 'samaram shruthinchaira shikharam spushinchaira' & 'విధిగా తెగించైర | విధినే వదించైర | విలయం దరించైర | విజయం వరించైర' / 'vidhigaa thegincheyraa | vidhine vadhincheyraa | vilayam dharincheyraa | vijayam varincheyraa'. the f*cking alliteration? hello? also the 'veera raja veera' at the end of this version in particular gives me full body chills bc there is someone going up with the harmonization every time there's a new line. i don't know who it is but he's (they're? could be multiple vocals) going up and i am crying shaking throwing up on the floor having a spiritual experience etc etc

and finally 1. the top spot. the place where everything has been leading through this long ass piece that i have put you to suffer through

and ykw Tamil is pretty much self-explanatory i think: we bring Shankar back as we should but this time K.S Chithra (Asoka!!! Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon!!! Bombay and Thoda Thoda from Indira/Priyanka and the live version of Jiya Jale that Rahman did in Dubai!!!) and Harini (also sang for Indira/Priyanka and featured on Varayo Thozhi from Jeans) are with him and Ilango Krishnan's lyrics take over and flatline me on the f*cking operating table. before it flatlines me however i break into goosebumps every time i hear it start, bc lbh it is impossible not to when you have the f*cking vocals coming in like 'காணீரோ? நீர் காண் | சோழ வெற்றி வாள் ஒன்றை காணீரோ? | ஓ அழகிய பூவே! செல்லுதியோ | மலரிடு போ சகி!' if you stay sane during that opening you are a liar get off my feed unfollow and block i don't want you anywhere near me for the next six years or however long it takes Mani Ratnam to make his next masterpiece. no coherent thoughts head empty MV playing on loop he and Rahman own me now they have the copyrights

favorite line (had to split everything into two blocks bc Tumblr was tryin to f*ck up my sh*t) — 'எம் தமிழ் வாழ்க வாழ்க! | வீர சோழம் வாழ்க! | நற்றமிழ் வாழ்க வாழ்க! | நல்லோர் தேசம் வாழ்க!' / 'em thamizh vaazhga vaazhga! | veera sozham vaazhga! | natramizh vaazhga vaazhga! | nallor thesam vaazhga!'. technically this isn't my favorite favorite line bc i have to do a seperate ranking for that below + it's exclusive to the Tamil version and i am trying to make this a wholistic review but. it's f*cking up there let's just say that. i think i mentioned in the tags of a different post of how i've been doing genealogy research and (in the process) tentatively confirmed the possibility of there being some South Asian descent from my dad's side, specifically Tamil or Telugu based on the stories/timeline of French occupation in the Caribbean and portions of the Indian subcontinent, and there's something in me that shifts every time we get down to the last twenty or so seconds and this hits. i don't know what it is, truly—maybe the remnants of the genes of my ancestors and their pride for their land, their language—but it's there and it's loud and if it's the right day at the right time i will start crying btw. full on sobbing like a little bitch. you didn't ask but i told you anyway

after all of *motions* that, i am also offering a bonus ranking of the section of VRV that makes me rewind every f*cking time it comes on in every language, bc it featured heavily in creating my eventual rankings and i would be remiss to not mention it. so here have this additional dive into my thought process during these trying times of hyperfixation rip

'आंधी से तेज़ | तूफ़ान से तेज़ | चुन चुन चुन चुन | जाली रे जाली चिंगारी | अंग अंग अंग अंग | लागे रे लागे अंगारे' / 'aandhi se tez | toofaan se tez | chun chun chun chun | jaali re jaali chingaari | ang ang ang ang | laagey re laagey angaare', Hindi — still at the bottom of the list here, but the inflection during the repetition ('chun chun chun chun' and 'ang ang ang ang') salvages it somewhat. nothing else to say it about it otherwise, since i already addressed Kavita's voice here earlier

'വാക്കാകെ നീ കാറ്റാക നീ | ശര ശര ശര ശരമേയ്ക | വേൽമഴ നെയ്തിട് | റ പറ പറ പറ വിറകൊൾക | പായട്ടെ പായ്വഞ്ചികൾ' / 'vaakkaaka nee kaattaaka nee | shara shara shara sharameyka | velmazha neythidu | para para para para virakolka | paayatte paayvanchikal', Malayalam — taking that third place as always, but its tied partner in the general rankings is higher up in this list for a change. i think the very last part ('പായട്ടെ പായ്വഞ്ചികൾ' / 'paayatte paayvanchikal') is what throws me off tho bc of the way they distributed the line, since on the first listen i was expecting them to go 'paayatte paayvan-chi-kal' and they chose 'paayatte pa-ay-van-chikal' instead. it's not like it decreases the overall quality of the song or anything it's just a very specific hang up i have. who knows maybe my preferred pronunciation would have f*cked with the meaning and we do not want that

'సుడిగాడ్పులా అడుగేయరా | సర సర సర సర | శరమే తనువే తాకగా | చర చర చర చర | చెలరేగాలి వేగంగా' / 'sudi gaadpulaa adugeyyaraa | sara sara sara sara | sharame thanuve thaakagaa | chara chara chara chara | chelaraegaali vegangaa', Telugu — this ties with Malayalam for third place and, much like it, my quirk is specfically with the last part ('చెలరేగాలి వేగంగా' / 'chelaregaali vegangaa'). my preferred is 'chelare-gaali ve-gan-gaa', they gave me 'chelare-gaa-li ve-gan-gaa'. again, not an issue, this is just me, i'm sure they knew what they were doing otherwise they wouldn't have recorded it like that in the first place

'ನೀ ಜ್ವಾಲೆಯು ನೀ ಗಾಳಿಯೂ | ಸರ ಸರ ಸುರಿವ | ಮಳೆಯಂತೆ ಶೂಲಗಳು | ಭರ ಭರ ಭರ ಭರನೆ | ಭೋರ್ಗರೆವ ಪಂಜುಗಳು' / 'nee jwaaleyu nee gaaliyuu | sara sara suriva | maleyanthe shoolagalu | bhara bhara bhara bharane | bhorgareva panjugalu', Kannada — there are at least two portions here that sound eerily similar to the original and that is why this version has moved up to spot two. it takes that water comparison i made and uses it to its advantage so much and it rotates in my mind like a rotisserie chicken at just at the right angle and it's just!!!! it's just!!!! God pls keep me from putting this in my mouth and biting it's too good

'கூற்றாகிச் செல்... | காற்றாகிச் செல்... | சர சர சர சரவெனவே | மழை தான் பெய்திட | பர பர பர பரவென | பாயட்டும் பாய்மரம்' / 'kootraagi sel... | kaatraagi sel... | sara sara sara saravena | velmazhai thaan peidhida | para para para paravena | paayattum paaimaram', Tamil — when this hits i blank out and come to at random intervals. cannot pinpoint the time the place etc but it happens and when it does i go f*cking feral. this one i am indeed putting in my mouth and biting bc the entire thing from 'para para...' onwards??? more alliteration more alliteration more f*cking alliteration. i remember someone making a post on here that said that certain parts of VRV sound like pearls bouncing off of the floor (was it @mizutaama? i apologize for the tag but i think that was you) and i think this is what they were referring to but my ears are that f*cking floor. i thank God every day for that

anyway mutuals (and non-mutuals who are just as obsessed about PS as i am) i'm sorry for clogging your feed with my opinions on a film i haven't even watched properly, pls feel free to roast me about my ranking choices. or agree but it doesn't really matter at this point bc even tho i could be talking out of my ass in terms of actually speaking said languages (i,,,,, do not unfortunately) i've said what i needed to say sksksksk

[jemmo]

omg so one thing i noticed about the latest his man 2 eps was, like you said in another ask reply, seonwoo stuck his nose into hyungjun and minsung's business for absolutely no reason AND spilled stuff to hyungjun that minsung told him. he even told sungho what junsung said in the kitchen - the whole "i don't like people touching what's mine" and okay yeah whatever, apparently he loves creating drama even though he says he doesn't. however, on the other hand, when jeongwook asked junsung if he was the one yoonghee called, junsung just explained the whole misunderstanding and didn't even reveal who yoonghee actually wanted to call. isn't that common courtesy? isn't that also something seonwoo absolutely just doesn't think of doing? i'm really trying my best not to dislike seonwoo but every time he pulls someone to the side or corners them into a room to talk to them/reveal stuff people said to him, i just have to pause and ask myself "was that really necessary? why? what was the reason?" he's trying so hard to be the main character and it's getting on my nerves because this is a dating show. please focus on the person you're interested in, not your "rival" that you're forcing him to be and just let everyone else do their own thing naturally. god. anyway sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest. 😭

this might just be my favourite his man 2 anon so far bc my dear you are so completely right and correct and valid for all of this I’m screaming for you 👏👏👏 like “was that really necessary?” is exactly what’s going through my head every time seonwoo has a conversation with someone

this comparison of how seonwoo and junsung handle information in the house is so beyond telling ESPECIALLY when you consider how they both handle sharing their own feelings vs sharing gossip/drama about other people, bc junsung handled that whole yonghee situation so perfectly, which sounds like an exaggeration bc it also wasn’t especially difficult, like yes if you know an error has been made, just sort it out with that person so they can do what they want with it and don’t share it with anyone else. you’re exactly right, it’s common curtesy, but also shows how seriously good hearted he is bc it never once ever occurred to him to use it against anyone or share it around as gossip. no, he just simply resolved the situation bc he does not care for the drama. let me say it again; HE DOES NOT CARE FOR THE DRAMA. seonwoo keeps trying to get under his skin and start shit and it gets on his nerves that junsung remains unphased. he entered this house and said I’m here for sungho, everyone else can do whatever, I’m gonna do my shit and just try and stop me. bc that’s the thing, he won’t disclose anyone else’s information or gossip but with his own feelings he will be so forward and direct and clear, precisely bc he doesn’t care for drama or misunderstandings, and bc he remains primarily concerned with himself and what he’s doing, knowing that if he stays true to himself and does what he wants, whatever happens at least then he won’t have any regrets.

seonwoo, on the other hand, will play so high and fast with other people’s words and gossip and drama and yet will hardly say a word about how he’s actually feeling. he will stick his nose into any situation and finds it so easy to just share not just what he’s said but what others have said in private conversations to others, and from what we see he doesn’t clarify whether this is information he can share. so yeah, sure, it’s cute he’s playing matchmaker for minsung and hyungjun, but did either of them ever ask him to? did either of them say hey can you help me out and be the go between telling him what I just said? bc minsung is still considering two options, and seonwoo just seems to be pushing hyungjun down his throat for i don’t even know what or if there is an ulterior motive, but no one is intruding on his situation with sungho and junsung so why he’s doing this I truly don’t know. I’m glad he seems to have a good friendship with minsung but at what point does he just start looking like a stirrer, like I swear how many of the conversations in eps 6 and 7 started bc seonwoo pulled someone to the side. and on top of that, from how many of those conversations did we actually learn how he feels about people. whenever he talks about sungho or yonghee, he says nice things that encourage his relationship with them, sure, but there’s only so many times I can hear “he’s special and not what I expected” and “I would like to try and date you sometime” before I’m asking ok but what does that mean?? how much are you interested and to what extent are you committed/willing to commit to this person??? the stuff that actually matters to the other people involved in these relationships. every conversation with him reminds me of jaewon in the eighth sense saying I’m not just gonna tell you my trauma, you have to coax it out of me and I’m sorry but you do not get the jaewon trauma pass.

and just to say… sungho isn’t out here starting drama either. in the kitchen, he simply says I talked to seonwoo to junsung, and doesn’t really go into anymore detail, bc he doesn’t feel the need to disclose everything. and in that conversation, they both hold a level of respect, junsung respecting the privacy of sungho’s conversation with seonwoo and sungho respecting the privacy of what seonwoo said. and yet without disclosing anything they manage to have a fruitful conversation that establishes where they’re all at, which is what the situation needs, clarity. and it just makes me mad that seonwoo doesn’t afford that same privacy to either of them. like it’s gone past a matter of intent for me, like whether he intends to or not, he is starting drama, and it’s too much.

[witchwhaat]

hello, here to share my opinions on troye's new album (sorry if it gets too long) 😌 as i said im absolutely OBSESSED with this album. like i always enjoyed his music, but to show this level of iconography????? CMON????? there is one problem i have with the album tho: every time i try to listen to it from start to finish, i get delayed by the fucking masterpiece that is "one of your girls" :/ every time this song comes on, i have to listen to it at least 5 times. wtf troye???? i would say it's my fave on the album, but that's an understatement. that's the best song of the whole year for me. god. isnt this giving daft punk like hello????? THE MV ALSO?????? 🤯 okay moving on to the other songs sjsjdhdhf u know that i loved all the singles, and they sound even better in the context of the album!! there is not a song i dont enjoy in this album, i couldnt even make a ranking because they are all so good. overall, THE BEATS in this album got me floating in space and shaking my ass at the same time. THE LYRICS???? i reallllly love the lyrics too i feel like they elevate the experience a lot which is so cool. the songs i find myself replaying the most (other than the obviously stated one above jsjdhf): in my room, honey, got me started (this one is a grower tbh). also i really feel like the songs are really cohesive and work so well together. i feel like every song will have their turn of being my fave in the upcoming months, because i intent to keep this on rotation ABSOLUTELY. this will be a contemporary pop classic and now troye is one of the main pop girls, sorry i dont make the rules... anyway, what are your thoughts? 😌

hello my beloved, finally answering to this ask!😭 sorry for keeping you waiting for so long aaaaaah

okay, first of all, i love your thoughts and i couldn't agree more about everything you said! <3 i keep coming back to this album, idk what troye put in it but it's SO addicting aaah! oh i absolutely understand the obsession with "one of your girls" bc GOD, it's amazing. chef's kiss on every level, the lyrics are perfect, the production is 10/10, the mv!!! (and yeeees, the daft punk vibes!!) are you kidding me?!! imo, the mv perfectly shows the transition between this album and troye's previous albums, he's confident, he's serving and he knows what he wants! and that's actually something i love about the whole album, it's very touching to see him being even more mature with his music and SO confident and it feels so freeing! genuinely, i'm so happy and grateful that i grew up with his music, it was veery important to me in my teenage years and it makes me so happy to see him grow as an artist (and person) waaah🥹 and i think that's also why i love this album so much, bc it's another step! ANYWAY yeeees, that's something i love so much about troye's music - how lyrics elevate the sound and vice versa. and oh yeah, the sounds and beats got me ascending aslkfkdsjfkjsah like come oooon!! and yeees the album is cohesive but i also like that every song has it's own story bc that's another thing i really like about troye's music haha which is narration! and with this album, i really like that there are themes that connect everything together, but that it's also all pretty "loose" and bc of that the songs are both good on their own but also work very well together! what can i say, troye gets it and he's The pop girl! fr, i was so excited about this album and had high expectations and he did not dissapoint! i love every single, although yeah, i also wasn't convinced about "got me started" at the beginning but it's a really good sample and i enjoy it A Lot now. it's soo hard to choose a fave, but i love rush (i could write a whole essay on rush AND i'm OBSESSED with the mv), still got it, can't go back and what's the time where you are? (perfect "me and this song against the world and life horrors aka going to work/uni" song) the most i think. troye saved this year with that album and he saved me during winter semester lol i'm so devastated that he's not coming to poland on his tour WHY troye WHYYY😭 (like what do you mean you won't come to poland but there's 5! FIVE germany dates come oooon)

[artsykidwolf-2000]

Oh boi here we go again hehe....

Well here's another KARDYN fic bc the series rooted in my brain again. I've been thinking around in my brain of this ship and also thought about my previous fic "A Healer's Touch" so I thought to write another since I might have a tiny bit of Art Block.

So here's a sequel to my first KARDYN fic!

I See You

Rating/Warning: why are there so many onions!

★★★★★

It's been days since I've seen the boys. Ever since Ardyn took me from the train, it was a rollercoaster of emotions I've felt. Even since our meeting back in Altissia. I've had various memories pop up in my sleep...at least I think they're my memories... Either way they've been keeping me up and running my mind to confusion. More and more questions with barely an answer in sight.

What jerked my heart the most was Ardyn. How he became the darker husk of his once bright self from that dream. What makes matters worse is my hair, it's grown and changed color slowly to a light lavender purple. I think it has to do with Ardyn and being so close to the Crystal as well. It normally grows fairly slowly but now it's almost all the way to the floor. My only relief of this mop of hair is when Ardyn braids it. He tells me that I shouldn't cut it. I wonder why...

"Ladybug, you seem vexed, don't worry your friends are coming" Ardyn's velvety voice called from across the room.

"it's not my friends I'm worried about..." I answered while playing with my hair.

"what has you so worried?" He walked to the bed where I was.

"...why won't you tell me the truth...about yourself..." I looked at him with my now lavender colored eyes. I could see the hidden hesitation in his eyes. The eyes tell the truth of the soul. His always looked confident yet scared around me. He sighed as he held me close, his embrace was strong like he didn't want to let me go.

"because if I did...I would lose everything again. Like I lost her..."

"Aera?"

"no...Layanna..."

"I knew it...you loved her just as much as you did Aera, but you chose Aera to be your bride. Why?"

"she was the only soul who knew my pains. My troubles. Her kind heart touched many who sought her healing. Her gentle gaze could see the good in everything." His hand found my cheek, his calloused thumb swiped gently across my cheek. "She defied the will of the gods for she was a child of a different pantheon. The one she called mother was an almost forgotten God named Titania, the Fairy Queen. Casted out for the way Bahamut ruled."

"Titania...my mother...she never told me..." I held a loose fist to my heart, it ached. I felt a rogue tear fall down my cheek.

"the day I lost her, the scourge got worse, I ran myself ragged. I lost myself trying to help others. Became the monster you see now"

"You're no monster Ardyn...just a lost soul taken for granted and casted out because of one mistake. All those selfless acts for nothing." I held his cheek.

"how do you know...."

"because I see you. Your actions may speak louder than words but your heart speaks the loudest. It wants to be loved again, to be accepted. To be healed." My own eyes stared back into his, hopeful of my answer.

In one swift motion he enveloped my lips with his. His lips were warm, far from his cold skin. My shock soon turned into a warm fuzzy as I kissed him back. Emotions started flooding my mind and heart like a dam bursting. I knew the truth. My crystal glowed a bright purple while his glowed amber red. Tears flowed down our cheek as a sign of happiness.

I was his.

But one thing was on my mind

We pulled away. He kissed my tears away. I soon got up and turned to him.

"Who do you see...Ardyn Lucis Caelum..."

"I see you...Katerina. You may have Layanna's kind heart, but I see a whole different person. One who gave me a second chance. She would be grateful that her lineage still fights for what's right." He smiled.

I smiled at him then I looked into the mirror. I concentrated my magic to look like scissors. I grabbed my hair and cut it around shoulder length. The color shifted to be close to strawberry blonde with the pale lavender peeping through. My eyes shifted to my normal indigo purple shade. The cut hair fell to the floor.

"I may not be Layanna, and I never will be, but I'll do my best to help you and Noctis from this fate. It's my duty as a healer and as a guardian." I picked up the hair as it glowed into a weapon. The Silver Scepter. It kinda looked like a glass dip pen "It's amazing what hair and magic have in common to make something useful"

Ardyn chuckled and held me close, "she did always have a knack for seeing the wonders in everything. Magical or not"

We embraced each other. I felt his heart beat against my ear. My worries melting away.

We kissed one more time before heading to bed. We had a long journey ahead of us and a lot to plan. We just have to play along for now.

My dear Ardyn

Do you see yourself the way I do?

[vole-mon-amour]

2x02. Now that I started watched s2, how do I peel myself off the screen and do things irl? Lol. I'm already glued to this season.

Alina standing behind Mal's back to kind of shield him is so sweet?

I don't understand though, Nikolai IS the king, no? I remember this pretense when he met Kaz. He was honored to meet the Bastard of the Barrel. But what is going on here & why does no one recognize him? Sure, he worked hard to build him reputation, but I'm a bit confused. (Which won't make me pick up the books about Nikolai again, lol. I was done with it the first time.)

It's been a hot minute & I'm already tired of this Mal/Alina/Darkling triangle. Especially when I remember that Darkling is supposed to be a grow ass adult, way older than Alina, and both Alina and Mal are supposed to be teens. Like, my dude, what did you find there? I'd never want to deal with a teen, and definitely not pine after her. Fast forward, "My Alina." DUDE. WAKE UP. What are you, five?

Hmmm? Hmmm. I can twist it into "He keeps her safe no matter how painful that is for him", which would be fun. The acknowledgment of her being terrified of it all, though.

Genya looks kind of weird this season. I feel like it's the wig.

No but the details. The clothes. Oh, I doubt we'll see the masquerade, but I'd LOVE to see it. It was such a fun scene in the book.

Oooh. That is GOOD. As much as I'd love the crows to have their own show and see CK page by page being shown to us, I didn't think they'll go there. Aside from Jordie giving me Sam Drake vibes, this is a nice visual. Though I believe they were younger in the book?

Speaking of, are we getting Wylan's backstory or? The way he slept in that cold and dirty bed, basically waiting to die? Bc rn Wylan is kind of doing alright? A bit hungry, but alright.

Oooh, Kaz sitting down next to Jesper? I like that. Honestly, if he sees a bit of Jordie in Jesper, it's basically trust. "I'm safe with you. I trust you with my life. You make mistakes, but..."

And THAT is where she becomes Kaz's friend. Their relationship in the book. <3

The "It's not enough to kill him" scene, though. The looks Inej, Jesper, and Nina give him. I rewatched it at least 3 times & WOW.

I love her and her personality SO. MUCH. If she was portrayed by a fatter actress, she would've been a perfect adaptation from books to tv screen.

<3 I am so glad Inej now had Nina. My girls.

Ooooh, Matthias remembering Nina, all the touches, the soft lips. Blaming himself, hating her, but also loving her and wanting her. *sigh* Yeeeah. That's a good adaptation as well. Though I still struggle see Matthias in this actor. Matthias was different.

Oh, that bastard. That expression. :')

Can anyone remind me if this was in the book? Because I am about to say a lot of shit about this. I absolutely HATE the vibe of "You're gonna have to used to me touching you, whether you like it or not" & I don't want to see it in the show, either, Back off, will you? Maybe that's why he sees Jordie in Jesper though? It's safety. No pushing. Jesper waits patiently.

Inej is a badass, but I absolutely hate when she becomes like that. "You gotta tell me. You can keep the others in the dark, but not me." Ughhh.

Lol. Is this a joke? She's twice as lighter as him. What are you doing?

YEP! The "I trust him" trope. Damn it, I love Kaz and Jesper's relationship.

"Long standing". You had to add the 'working', too, otherwise us shippers would lose our minds, huh?

You tell him.

"I don't hate Pekka Rollins cause he's not real." Well, sorry to be you. In moments like this one, especially in the book, it's rage for me. Die, asshole, die. Brick by brick, Kaz will destroy you.

Wheezing. Wylan is so pure. Doesn't know what to do yet. Not familiar with Kaz and his crew yet.

Jesper, you remembered in THIS position? :D What were you doing back then?

<3.

WHAT IS GOING ON :DD

One episode one hour long. I'm gonna need at least 3 days to watch this season, I feel like.

[sttoru]

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

[v-anrouge]

Ok I decided I'm redoing my match up thing, it was too messy

What I look for in a man:

I don't wanna say this but he's gotta be handsome (shallow I know but hey at least I admit it) but he's also gotta be kind enough to me so I don't feel like a worthless piece of shit whenever he talks to me (bonus points if he's got a hot voice)

Love Language (recieving):

Words of Affirmation (says almost every Asian child ever) and gift giving are major love languages I have for recieving

Love Language (giving):

Physical touch/intimacy, I had this era as a kid where I'd rub on my mom and sister like a cat, it was annoying for them but that's just how I showed me love for them. Playfully hitting is also included like it a little bap on the head, sometimes I underestimate my strength and hurt the person I do that to and it makes me feel terrible.

Things about myself my s/o should very much know:

I'm a lazy, cynical and very pessimistic person (also very neurodivergent coded) I will cry if they're mean to me a lot and I will curse them out if they're mean to me a lot. It entirely depends on how I feel after waking up. Very much anger issues (working on it dw). I find crying attractive which is very weird and I don't wanna dive into that can of worms just yet.

Resting Bitch Face is my default which scares babies apparently and that's why they don't like me? Children are scary but I do want them. Every Time I see a cute baby I will say 'i love babies 🥹' (yes the emoji is included). It's a forever ongoing baby fever for me.

If you're gonna be with me you need to know how to listen cause if I think you're not I'll either A: stop talking and say nevermind or B: annoy you into listening to me. This again, entirely depends on my mood.

Being dramatic cause I like drama? Nah

I'm dramatic cause I never got attention from my dad as a child. Ig that's part of why I seek male validation, sad. I dunno what else to add 🤷🏻‍♀️ (have my first draft for the ppl that see this ig)

Guess who's asking for a match up (spoiler: it's me)

Favorite color: obvs purple 🙄 (why did I add this 😭)

Uhhh I'm super lazy and very much depressed, I will get angry if you ignore my very obvious mental struggles. (I also just get really angry in general but SHHHH) also very cynical and apathetic to most things, sleepy 24/7.

I make characters so they can live a life I can only dream of...hmmm what else...I'm smart-ish (if top 7 of my grade for 8 consecutive terms counts as smart) anddddd I like writing and making up storylines. My favorite thing to do is read (not the classics, they bore me tbh, but I guess Holes and Midsummer's Night Dream is ok)

I very much often ramble into tangents and can be seen as a bitch apparently cause yay social anxiety doesn't like me talking to other ppl ✨ toxic friendship frr‼️ I'm more expressive on the internet than I am in real life bc no one knows who I am behind the screen (unless you doxx me but pls don't ♥️) and that comforts me.

I have ADD, MILD autism and 💩 crippling depression 💩

I like being dramatic bc I didn't get much attention from my dad as a kid and he went to buy milk ig 🤷🏻‍♀️. I always look high in pictures and I hate taking them cause I always look high.

What else...hmmm I like singing and dancing when I think no one's watching and I despise- no I abhor when ppl try to force me into doing things I don't wanna do. I like food a lot and will cry if it has no flavor. Donuts are 👌🏼 . I was 100% a menace as a kid and awfully gullible. And I'm very good at holding grudges as well (my longest grudge is over a decade long-)

And I think that's abt it? There's probs more but I'm tired

homie gave me their entire autobiography holy fuck /pos

I MATCH YOU WITH!!

MALLEUS this man LIVES to spoil you he just loves hugging you from behind and smiling as he shows you a beautiful (and extremely expensive) necklace he got done for you, the necklace is enchanted so that it'll always be in pristine condition, the gem's color change in the light naturally but you can see they also have a bit of magic on them, everyday this man will smile and compliment your stunning flawless looks with a smile on his face, if he had his tail out it would be wagging so hard he'd cause an earthquake

at first malleus would be very confused on why you hit him and think he had done something wrong but when you tell him it's just your way of showing affection he'll say you can use him as punching as much as you want to with a cute little smile, malleus won't ever hit you back because 1- he is way stronger than you and would definitely hurt you 2- what kind of man would he be if he hurt the one he is so deeply in love with??

he loves any affection you give him, in the beginning of your relationship malleus always went a bit stiff when you showed him a lot of affection because he isn't used to it but even back then he already did enjoy your affection he just didn't know how to react to it, now he is already very used to it, to the point he'll get a bit pouty if he doesn't get his morning hug and kiss

malleus is aware of your mental health and he does everything in his power to help you heal and feel better, malleus does not like fighting and he isn't used to being mean, sometimes he could say something a bit hurtful but it's just because he isn't completely socially aware, please talk to him if he ever hurts you and he'll immediately apologize and promise to never say anything like that ever again, he'll spend the rest of the day spoiling you to make up for that, he says it's because he feels terrible and although he isn't lying you both know malleus just really enjoys spoiling u

malleus loves reading to you, he'd really enjoy it if you could sit on his lap as he reads a book you picked out, his voice is very pleasant to listen and honestly very calming so most of the times you end up falling asleep, when that happens malleus kisses your forehead and hugs you tighter making sure you're having the sweetest dreams ever

both of you are seen as intimidating so as soon as you two step into any place everyone is immediately looking at you two, an intense intimidating aura filling the entire place as you two walk together before malleus picks up a silly little plushie and tells you that it reminds him of you and start gushing over it as if u two were completely alone, to be fair, whenever malleus is with you you're the only thing he cares about

malleus is over the moon when he discovers that you'd like to have children since he will be a king that is basically a necessity, it doesn't matter if you two adopt or have the child yourselves malleus will make sure you and his little baby/babies are always happy and comfortable, he'll spoil both u and ur child/children rotten and would be constantly cooing over them, however he is extremely protective of you and your child/children so he tends to growl at strangers that approach u 💀

other possibilities: kalim, lilia & trey

[the-baddest-of-batches]

Dar'Aliit: Chapter 6 - Personal Business (pt 1)

Sorry, no sneak peek bc I was away from the weekend. I'm gonna include a link here and pt 2 will be posted tomorrow!

13 BBY Nar Shadda 

“Myren…” I look dubiously at the clothing bag. “You’re sure this is a different suit?”

I trust Myren’s fashion implicitly, mostly because she has a sense of fashion, and I don’t. But I cannot see the difference between this suit and yesterdays. Not to mention the day before that. The disappointed look on Myren’s face tells me that is no fault of the suit.

“Commander,” she pauses what she’s doing and faces me. “How many clothes do you own?”

I look off. “Well, two bodysuits, civvies, and a uniform. And now the suit you bought for me on Naboo.” The urge to defend myself sticks in my throat. After all, not many people own two bodysuits. You have to keep one clean at all times, given the fact we wear these things every day.

Myren nods. “I see.” She sighs. “Yes, it’s a different suit.”

I take her word on the matter and get dressed. Different or not, I do think I’m getting used to wearing clothing that would restrict my movement on a battlefield. I still don’t have to enjoy it.

I do however enjoy the slight blush on Myren’s face when I return to the room. And I am thankfully to see the dress she’s wearing is a different color. She is beautiful.

“Ready?” I ask and offer my arm. It’s awkward, I assume. I can feel the rest of the team staring. They can stare all they want.

“Yes,” Myren agrees.

“You’re beautiful by the way.” I can’t look her in the eyes when I say it. Someday, maybe.

I can however see the faint blush on her face from the corner of my eye.

“Thank you.”

With a deep breath, I attempt not to think about the comments that will be made later and lead her down stairs. We landed here three days ago. It’s harks back to a time I’ve almost forgotten, sneaking around undercover and trying to gather information. I never was good at being covert, but there’s high stakes.

And there’s high stakes sabbac, which I have to win today or else. My only two opponents left are Jabba and Molto Shore. Stopping future terrorist attacks will depend on whether Shore or I come out on top.

At least the one thing I have mastered is keeping my cool under pressure. We walk to the gambling floor. There’s plenty of spectators. I let Myren go, she probably won’t stay long today. It’s been nice to have her there, mostly because having her around is in many ways a nice distraction from the weight currently set on my shoulders.

I did win the ship wide Sabbac game, so I’m also partly to blame for throwing my lot in for this. The universe will be a better place if I win, though. And—I try not to smirk at the thought—we could buy so many weapons with the winnings. The pot is already millions.

Myren vanishes into a crowd. I take my seat. My team is with me. They make for some impressive bodyguards. I know they have my back, so there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing except the game of course.

Molto Shore isn’t my favorite person. I actually despise him, mostly because of how much trouble he’s gone to already and what he’s involved in. Terrorism is nothing light. But for now, I have to smile.

To everyone here at this table I’m Rinn, a former clone trooper who took up arms dealing after the war. Believable story, and not too far-fetched given my own disposition toward weapons. Beautiful things. Beautiful and deadly.

Here in the underbelly of the universe on the backstreets of Nar Shadda, deadly gets you places. So, I flash my deadliest smile at Shore, and let the game begin.

#

20 BBY Abandoned Outpost

“There.”

I wince as Shave finishes the injection. Bevik is already here with his helmet in his hands. He looks afraid to breathe, but clearly, it’s safe.

“How the heck does this work?” Aftermath asks. He’s messing with the medical instruments despite clear instruction to touch nothing.

Shave throws the empty injector at him, and Aftermath dodges it. It rattles onto a tray The medic glares at Aftermath. “It’s a neutralization agent what more do I need to explain?”

“Yeah but it’s not like the air is in the bloodstream.”

“This kills it off, okay? Just don’t worry about it.” Shave huffs. “Kian take you helmet off.”

“Sir yes sir,” I mutter and remove my helmet.

Aftermath snickers.

My face doesn’t burn near as bad here. Actually it’s been numb for a while along with my arm, which Shave already mostly treated. A wrenched shoulder and several fractures in my wrist. Nothing a little bacta and splints couldn’t heal.

As I look up at Shave, who also isn’t wearing his helmet now—he apparently tested the first batch of neutralizing agent on himself—I see him grimace. “You’re gonna need a real medbay for that,” he says and reaches for my head.

I close both eyes as the tape and gauze peels off. Now it hurts like hell.

“Aftermath, grab me a painkiller!”

“Thought I wasn’t supposed to touch anything.”

“I will stab you extra hard next time you need shots.”

“Coming,” Aftermath’s tone implies he’s rolling his eyes. In a few moments there’s a sting on my neck and after the briefest burning my skin is tingling and numb again.

“I’m going to clean this off and rebandage it,” Shave says. “Arm too, and then we’ll just have to wait until we get picked up.”

“Did we figure that out?” Bevik asks.

“Mer’en isn’t back, so I’m guessing now.” Aftermath comes and stands beside me. He puts out his hand. I blink sideways at him and take it and I realize why as soon as Shave touches my face with the cleaning spray. It burns worse than the acid. My hand clenches.

Aftermath squeezes my fingers. The burning subsides but I keep up the tight grip until all the bandages are applied.

“That should keep it all covered,” Shave helps me sit up. I glance at Aftermath and he just nods. It’s all the thanks he needs.

I lean forward and Bevik hops down to come over there. “Well, seeing as we’re going to be stuck here a while, shouldn’t we at least make something of it?”

“We need to stay alert in case of Clankers,” Shave reminds him.

“We are going to stay alert,” Bevik smirks. “What’s more alert than betting?”

“No!” Aftermath shoves over and sticks a finger in Bevik’s face. “I am not betting against you anymore! You cheat, and you steal and I always get stuck cleaning refreshers!”

Bevik laughs. I lean around Aftermath and cock an eyebrow at him. This is a horrible idea, but all my senses feel a little dull after the painkiller. I turn to Bevik. “What kind of betting?”

“Sabbac?”

I grin. “I’ll play.”

“You are making a mistake,” Aftermath tells me.

Shave laughs. “Not me, I’m out. You two can have fun.”

“C’mon!” I turn to Shave. “It’s no fun with only two people.”

“Nope.” Medic lifts his hands. “I owe too many rounds of beer to Bevik already.”

“And you’re gonna make good on that!” Bevik calls out. I laugh. Maybe I’m just loopy but I laugh anyway.

“Okay, so maybe not sabbac,” I offer. “How about Dejark?”

“You’re on!” Bevik slaps me on the back. “What’s the bet?”

I eye him cautiously. It’s always important to size up the other player. Aftermath says Bevik cheats, but everyone who’s a sore loser says that. Bevik is like me. He plays a good game, and he plays it well.

Take that Hook.

I blink at the thought and realize Bevik is still waiting for my answer. My head is too fuzzy to think of anything good so I hop down and just shrug. “How about a round of beers?”

“Perfect.” Bevik hooks his thumbs in his belt. “Three games. Winner buys the other guy drinks.”

“You’re on, vode.” Read on AO3 ->

[3-1pool]

*chants* ask game ask game ask game!!

F & L please?

thank youuuuuu for asking🥰 and sorry this is a day or two late, it took me some time to pick a dialogue haha

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

i TRY to do it. at least once. when i was writing/posting here comes the sun it was easier, bc i could do it chapter by chapter but with for example perfect pretenders i was like. soooo sick of it and it was so LONG (i love it but i was SUPPOSED to spend like. one week on it, and ended up spending. three months on it. so as soon as the final word was written i was DONE and just wanted it out!!!)

but i hate hate hate editing... i'm like this with academic work too, i just don't want to do it!!! and then i'll reread after i've posted and see like ten thousand mistakes and be like oh. idiot hat for me.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

okay i already answered this here, BUT in honor of suzuka, i will also give a shout out to this little snippet from chapter seven of here comes the sun:

“You can touch me, you know,” he says, blunt.

“What?” Sebastian asks, his brain struggling to keep up with the sudden shift in Charles’ mood.

“Ever since- you never touch me anymore. You’re- I don’t know if you know, Seb, but you are a very affectionate person. You touch everyone, all the time, but- not me, not since-”

Since Monaco.

Seb stares at Charles, unsure how to respond to this sudden confrontation. 

“I thought-” Charles takes a deep breath, “After we talked, I thought maybe things would go back to normal, but they haven’t. Not really, you are still so- so tense , whenever we are alone and I- I don’t know how to deal with it.” 

Seb honestly thought he’d done a better job at hiding his feelings. He closes his eyes briefly, and takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth to say something - an apology, an explanation, anything. 

“And honestly,” Charles continues with an annoyed huff, cutting him off, “it is not like I am going to throw myself at you just because you touch my shoulder.”

Seb stares, heart beating wildly in his chest. “That’s not-” he starts.

“I do have some self-control,” Charles charges on, “and you are not that irresistible. It is like you think-” 

“It’s not your self-control I’m worried about,” Sebastian says, stopping him in his tracks. He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth - they’re a confession he wasn’t ready to make.

-

this lived inside my head for soooo long before i finally wrote it down! i think. i'd tried to build up to it, with the lack of physical touch between them since their first kiss, and the miscommunication (charles thinking seb is weird bc seb thinks charles is into him, but actually seb is weird bc he thinks he's into charles and charles isn't into him!!!!) and! idk! i think "i do have some self-control" and "it's not your self-control i'm worried about" is like. dramatic but in a fun way. idk. i just like them! i think i did what i wanted to do with this dialogue!