#and bpd coded

[anders-chr]

But if I said Thor and Loki both have BPD but Thor is more quiet BPD while Loki is more recognized BPD which is why Loki is more villainized and Thor isn’t/gets constant passes but never gets the help he needs.

Hear. Me. The. Fuck. Out.

[x4ver1a]

I'm homesick for arms that don't even want to hold me.

[psiirockin]

she just gets me

[trouble-de-la-belle-princesse]

having bpd fucking sucks because I'm constantly switching between "I'm the scum of the fucking earth and should be killed on site" to "if I'm not getting constant praise and attention like i deserve then i don't deserve to be a human"

[mentallylivingin2000s]

[viveela]

A style comic I just had to get out of my system

[qcoded]

BPD NINE MAXXING?!??#?! BASED???!?

Nine's villain arc was actually just him crashing out I DON'T MAKE THE RULES!!!!!!!!!

[timkontheunsure]

Part 1 Blitz & BPD coding

Ok quick bit first before getting into the nitty-gritty. So to have BPD you need to have 5 of these 9 traits:-

(putting as by proxy with him cus damage your image is harmful to your psyche).

Poor bugger looks to have 9 of 9

Alot of BPD patterns and strategies comes from childhood trauma, and Blitz has this in spades.

Scapegoat and attachment style

Cash is clearly a narcissistic Dad, see the kids as tools.

Cash uses Blitz's love and Strong attachment to his Mum to force Blitz to be useful to him, and do what he wants.

This sends the very strong message that love is conditional. That it is bought through what he can do for another. And that without being useful love and affection will be withdrawn, because he doesn't really deserve it.

We see wee tinny Blitzo struggles with making balloon animals, is a little clumsy, has a sense of humour that not a crowd pleaser. This puts him at the bottom of the pecking order.

This position is the scapegoat. Blamed for anything that goes wrong (fire), to keep the others in line (Fizz told done on purpose), given the most dangerous jobs (rob a Goetia), and given the lest love and affection.

Narcissist see people as tools or a burden. All love from Cash is conditional/transactional.

How Blitz gets love is to be used or to be useful. This the rule.

Affection freely given can't be trusted. It is a lie. This why any Stolas shows has to be either ignored, or change to a kink of "getting plowed by people you look down on". Making himself used.

But Stolas breaks this when he says Blitz "no longer have any obligation to see me, to touch me, to bed me, you are... you are free of me." He panics that he's being abandoned; "I can be better", "I'm I not fucking you good enough" are his immediate responses. Trying to get back to the safety of what he knows.

If they're no 'obligation' then there can't be affection and he wants to Stay with Stolas. And if there's no 'obligation' Stolas telling him he cares must be a lie.

He's slowly coming to see that this isn't always the case in apology tour; when his "earning" his way through sex is rebuffed again.

(It may not be Stolas' kink; but being fucked by an all powerful prince who degraded his a little might be Blitz's 🤭).

After the accident this rule gets a second fun extra playmate that anyone who loves him will be hurt. So Blitz must push them way, to keep them safe from him. These 2 rules give Blitz the disorganised fearful-avoidant attachment style. (Woo go him, give him a cookie. Or you know all the nope, but still give him a cookie).

Disorganised fearful-avoidant attachment comes with a push-pull of wanting to be close but close relationships are scary. (Like running away from Voroskia for loving him).

He is getting better by refusing to be dismissed by Stolas, and coming back the next morning. And even talking to him at the party.

But mostly this bit: "Oh, sorry, this entire time I assumed the worst because I was convinced a prince could never love someone like me, and I've let my self hatred stop me from apologizing to anyone I could ever care about!" Blitz in a nutshell everybody.

His self hatred makes him to self sabotage any romantic relationship before it gets to deep. To protect the people he likes and makes sure they can't love him. Because he doesn't deserve it. Thems the rules after all.

Cash and the accident has taught Blitz to hate himself.  

It's also likely why Blitz thinks apologies are for pussys, and that no one deserves one anyway.  Those sound like words put in his mouth for daring to ask his dad to say sorry. 

He doesn't think he's worth it.

(Added the cuddles pic cus I like the cuddles). And Blitz still doesn't trust that he deserved to be forgiven by Fizz.

This self hatred is why he can't picture anyone loving him, let alone Stolas

"This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp... Me? How could anybody?" "Stolas, you are better off without me. 'Kay? You deserve so much... I don't even".

No one is allowed to want him.

End of part 1

I'll stick the link to the next part when I get done it, but might be a bit.

Next time some such fun shenanigans as:

Difficulty regulating emotions

Being a burden & how to be useful to IMP

Spitting

Massive fear of abandonment

Emotional loops

The Deal

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Self hatred & the Belief others Must hate him

(his cookie)

As normal is absolutely fine if you don't agree. This is just something I like to do.

[ttkinnie]

Tokyo revengers as tweets 💖 part 2! Because I don't get tired of making these (part 1 here)

[charleemoon]

thinking about kristoph and klavier. it's just the two of them. just a boy and his sweet little brother. no apparent family, origins, place to go, anywhere to belong.

thinking about kristoph developing the idea at a young age that his brother depends on him. no parents to take care of them, most likely they pass away in one way or another. and his brother is innocently young, too young. so kristoph becomes a parent, on top of a sibling. he is the only front, the only defense between his brother and whatever cruel world betrayed them. kristoph can't falter, can't disappoint, can never be unsure. for his brother, he learns to be cold. steadfast, and strong. unbreakable. to be a foundation for a boy to rely on.

he tells himself klavier depends on him to survive. to succeed, to make something of himself, all of it falls on kristoph's shoulders. and control becomes a theme of his life. it's his responsibility to make sure klavier lives his life right, well. and the pressure of that seeps out through judgement.

he tells himself klavier depends on him, so he can ignore the fact he depends on klavier too. he can't feel any sort of weakness. so he judges klavier, when he pursues music. he's critical of him, detached. seemingly uncaring. he protects klavier, and he punishes him when he endangers that concept of protection. he keeps him in line, because only kristoph knows what best for klavier.

klavier, for kristoph, is always that innocent, sniveling child. who doesn't know better, who needs to be guided. because at the worst of it all, it was kristoph and his little brother. no one would know him better. and he would do anything to protect him

and that control becomes obsessive. kristoph needs to control everything in his life. his work, his image, his protégé, and always his brother. he spites things that escape his grasp. he spites klavier when he leaves to tour his music, because he can't admit he needs him too. at the end, klavier will return to him, eventually. because klavier needs kristoph gavin to survive.

he forges evidence, to protect the success and image of his career. even for a case against his own brother, he cheats. because it's not about what's right. it's not about anything but control, for kristoph. because there's no way he could be anything less than perfect. kristoph can't falter, can't be weak, or the world will eat you alive. and when zak gramarye veers out of his grasp, over something he can't control, the nature of who he is, he spites him too, and the man he chose. he forces his way into the case to make sure he can enact control, to protect his view of the world, and of himself.

and klavier, of course, comes back to him. believes in him, follows his word, even with doubt in his heart, a doubt that haunts him for years to come. he destroys phoenix's career, has his brother back, and protects himself from facing a truth he can't handle. he wins.

and it's not enough. he plots out the murders of his forgers, stalks every involved person of interest on the case, and plants himself right by the biggest threat: an unpredictable, awfully lucky man. someone who never did anything to him personally, but whose mere nature is contradiction to the ideals kristoph has pledged himself to. he does this because he isn't confident, perfectly conniving and infallible. for the first time in a long time, kristoph feels control slip out of his fingers and it terrifies him. he obsessively intangles himself with the case for seven years, watching, waiting, for loose ends to be cut.

this need is so intense that when he passes by zak, his first instinct is to murder him in cold blood. for no reason other than he is a threat to the stringing web of sanity kristoph is holding himself by. if he were more clever, more careful, he might've stayed, listened in, found out zak had no intention to do anything but give one last thing to his daughter, before he disappeared again. none of that mattered. because kristoph panics, at the idea that someone, anyone could do something to destroy his image, his life, his control. he's paranoid, and as thorough as he's been, he's sloppy.

and as he thought, phoenix is his perfect downfall. kristoph seemingly loses everything, he's found guilty of murder. his protégé, who he raised up strictly and intensely to follow in his steps, accepts this and is the falling blade to his final bow. but he doesn't snap. he doesn't break his illusion, his facade of poise and composure.

because he still has klavier. klavier, who returns to law after years to meet the man who sent his brother to prison. klavier, who believes his brother is innocent. klavier, who still depends on him. once again, it's kristoph and his little brother. he's already done the unspeakable to protect their lives, to sustain all he's built for him.

klavier visits him in prison, feeds him information, holds faith that he is good, even after he is betrayed by his closest friend. even as things lead to an awful conclusion klavier denied for too long. and when everything plays out the way it does, kristoph at the stand, he still sees klavier the same. he speaks for him, calls him incapable, believes he doesn't know better. because klavier will always come back to him. klavier needs him to survive, to be succeed in life, klavier depends on him.

until he doesn't. the one thing kristoph has always had control over, the reason he needed to be in control of it all, leaves him too. through his never ending desperation, he has become unforgivable. he threatens klavier, demeans him, humiliates him, but none of it works. everything is, as he says, spinning out of his control. he has nothing left, but the ego he's created for himself.

the jury system is the final blow. the idea that no matter what he could do to ensure his victory, the neverending upkeep of his perfect, unfaltering persona, he was at the whim of someone else. his control, completely stripped away from him. because without that, what is he?

when phoenix asks him why he killed zak gramarye, five black psyche locks appear, chains barred and tight. he claims he is simply an evil, cold-blooder murderer. a simple, unsatisfying thing. it's snide, and spiteful, and it's a lie. kristoph's secret, held so close to his heart that he doesnt even know he's keeping it. why did you kill a man, after seven years, when he had done nothing but hurt your pride?

he needs control. somewhere deep down, there's still that teenager, panicked and unsure, staring down at his brother with pleading eyes, deciding that he needs to become inviolable. like the law, absolute and unwavering. and in that he became unreachable. he emotionally neglected and abused the only family he had left, and told himself it was for his sake. he's insecure, entitled, angry; he's vengeful, petty, neurotic. so caught up in the fantasy he created to eliminate what was weak in him, he saw weakness in everything, in everyone.

to admit that would be suicide. it would be a complete mind shatter. he laughs hysterically out of the courtroom, out of acceptance for what he's lost or denial of everything he is, he breaks in one way or another. the places he was led to by love, by responbility, a bloodied bottle in his grip, poison on lips, standing alone at the end of it all.

to shield himself from cruelty, he became cruel himself. kristoph loved his brother, and that too, became a weakness to snuff out.

that is. if. they had actual backstories to explain why they are the way they are. foams at the mouth and collapses

[mafuaato]

border

[x4ver1a]

i desire things that will destroy me in the end.

[dewinabsentia]

i had a vision

[learningfromlosing]

"my mom handed this ring down to me" "my mom taught me how to cook" "I got my style from my mom" luckyyyyyyyyyyyy all I got from my mom was borderline personality disorder 🫠

[bricky-brikson]

Thinking about the "trilion and 12 years old" joke about Bill and thinking about his psychological development after the Euclydia massacre

In the show, we see that while he can plan ahead and manipulate people, he's often foiled by his own impulsiveness/anger/emotions. His ultimate goal is to escape the Nightmare Realm/Dimension 0. And sure, he says this is because he promised the Henchmaniacs he'd help them, but ultimately as others have pointed out, Bill is terrified of death. He wants to live forever - have "a party that never ends with a host who never dies". All he cares about is himself, his own survival and hedonism

All this to say, Bill has the emotional development of a teen. He hasn't gotten past the self-centredness nor the reward/adrenaline seeking behaviour, but has emotionally evolved enough to be able to manipulate people and such (and be able to feel guilt, even if it's just a picogram). Though his immaturity shows when he doesn't get his way.

One might think that, being a trillion years old, he would've developed a bit, but here's the thing - major traumas can "freeze" people at certain developmental stages. We don't know how old Bill was when Euclydia was destroyed - though considering his behaviour I would bet he was a teen.

(Or whatever the equivalent of that stage is for his species. They have exoskeletons- do they have instars then? Whatever, that's not on the topic of this post)

Seeing his entire dimension destroyed after (what was probably) a well-intentioned attempt to show them what he saw ("They'll see. They'll all see.") permanently emotionally stunted him. However it was he got his powers, he was a teen/young adult with powerful abilities who had just erased an entire dimension from existence and was now accountable to no one but himself while also being deeply traumatized. His constant partying and implied substance use were probably the only coping mechanisms he could think of, dissociating because he has no idea how to actually confront what happened. The way he talks about the massacre - he detaches himself from it yet still admits guilt ("A monster."). Only post-divorce does he implicate himself in the event, though still obscuring its true nature ("I liberated them.").

Being surrounded by individuals who are similarly maladjusted for most of his trillion-year lifespan certainly didn't help things. The Henchmaniacs are likely somewhat stunted as well, or at the very least don't offer much in the way of mature/emotionally adult conversation, especially since Bill reacts so poorly (read: homocidally) to any sense of malcontent.

Which is to say, I think part of why Ford was important to Bill was because, compared to him, Ford was more emotionally developed (Ford is emotionally stunted in his own ways, but not as severely as Bill IMO). Subconsciously, their relationship was reaching a hand out to the scared teenager in the centre of Bill's psyche and offering him someone to lean on- someone who had their shit a little bit more figured out. A kind of figure Bill hadn't had since he killed his parents.

Of course, such vulnerability probably felt so alien that Bill tried to distance himself. I always wondered - why didn't Bill just lie to Ford about his plan to take over Dimension 49'\ ? Ford would've believed him, finished the portal, and Bill's plan would've been fulfilled. Well, I think it was Bill trying to burn the emotional bridge. In his own impulsivity, his own desire to dissociate instead of confront, he would rather make sure that he would never be able to be vulnerable to Ford than fulfill his grand plan.

...

I don't remember where I was going with this. There's no conclusion. I'm spinning this triangular multidimensional tyrant at physically impossible speeds in my mind and if I didn't write something about him my skull was going to turn into a fine powder. It's almost 2 AM, so it's entirely possible this post makes 0 sense, in which case feel free to inform me of that in the notes.

[mothspore]

thinking about the way kaveh mourns the loss of a relationship with someone he sees every day

he has haitham in his life. he sees him every day. he LIVES with him for fucks sake, and yet his opinions of haitham are all thinly veiled guilt and mourning. he constantly talks about how close they were during school, how different their relationship was during school, etc, and then when that starts coming off a bit too sad, he starts going on about how much haitham has changed, and how he would never give him the satisfaction of thanks now

but that’s not true. it’s obvious that it’s not. he won’t thank haitham because he feels ashamed of the help he has received, he feels he is undeserving, especially after their fallout, after he said those words that were strong and hurtful enough to tear them apart completely. it’s not that he doesn’t want to thank haitham. he is afraid to.

he’s also trying to protect himself. he tries to keep haitham at an arm’s length, arguing instead of acknowledging conflicts as what they are, in order to protect himself from what he sees as an inevitable outcome of haitham kicking him out, removing him from his life. kaveh wouldn’t blame him, it was only fair. after all, that’s all he had ever known, as well.

kaveh is so used to loss. this situation with haitham is such dangerous uncharted territory for him, and that scares him. kaveh is used to losing and losing without any possibility for gain. his father passed, he will never come back. it’s not possible. his mother left for fontaine, and he stopped writing to her out of his own perceived responsibility for his father’s passing. she never reached out to him, either. he knows faranak will never return to sumeru.

what he said to haitham, he never expected for him to come back into his life. the arguments on the message boards and in annotations and such were just petty insults to him, haitham’s way of taking things out on him. he never expected haitham to offer his home up to help kaveh. the whole thing is so different that it scares him. he knows what to expect from loss, and he knows when to expect loss. but he has no idea how to cope with this. he spends all his time mourning the friendship they once had, skirting around acknowledging the help that haitham has extended to him, and waiting for the other shoe to drop, because he cannot comprehend that this could end in anything other than another loss, another hurt to add to his baggage. and he does not want to truly lose haitham again.

the only way he can ensure this for himself is to not allow the possibility of closeness again. he has flown too close to that before, felt that warmth, and been burned. he has watched those wax wings melt once before. he will not allow himself to fall again. he will not invite the sun in again, because he knows he won’t be able to resist the urge to fly too close once more, even knowing the perceived threat.

acknowledging the help haitham has provided would directly acknowledge that they are no longer enemies. it would invite some of that warmth, something that kaveh does not believe he deserves, and something he cannot afford. he does not want to lose again, so he pretends there is no chance to fix things, despite haitham’s clear attempts to prove otherwise.