#bpd rant

[borderlineangel222]

the idea of being easily forgotten scares me so much.

[borderlinebeauty]

These days I just wanna sleep and sleep because it hurts so much being up and thinking of all I’ve lost. But if I’m sleep, nothing even matters.

[trxppedmind]

Romantisized Borderline.

If you have bpd this may triggers you!

Why the fuck would people even do that?

"I wan't a borderliner as my significant other."

No you don't. Its hell for you and for them.

You want someone who is absolutely obsessed, to the point just a wrong breath make them think you hate them.

You want someone who's probably is suicidal, self-destructive and self harming? "I can fix them." No you can't. Neither i think you can stop them.

You want someone that is extremly lovingly and affectionate only to become distant, ignoring and maybe even offensive in a eyeblink because they got triggered into Splitting or rage?

You want someone that probably feels offended if you need time for yourself or do spend time with your friends and don't answer your phone.

You want someone that may shouts and yells in one moment, only to cry and feel guilty in the next moment, maybe begging you to stay?

You do realise that its not just from time to time, but every fucking day? If they have a bad day's maybe even hourly moodswings?

You want just to help them? Thank you, but that's not your task in a relationship/friendship. Take care of yourself because the chance that you just ruin yourself is high.

Fuck, imagine cuddling in bed in a comfortable silence, they overthought something and suddenly push you off, just because a single though.

Wanna know what the worst is?

Maybe you noticed that I am extremely aware of my bpd. But that doesn't mean i can change, or fix myself. Because with the sudden overwhelming emotion, my mind is drowning in things like selfhate and that everyone will leave, no more awareness or control. I think its like that for many borderliners.

Please don't romantisize something people are suffering from. Thank you.

[bpdcrybaby213]

Having BPD makes you extremely afraid of abandonment. So why do I always feel the urge to isolate? Why do I not want to be around people? Even my own FP a lot of the time. I want them in my life, I just don't want to deal with anything or the work of maintaining relationships.

[baphomet-bitch]

you think you know what rage feels like?

have you ever had to write in excruciating detail how you would kill someone in the most personal way? have you had to draw it, visualize it and obsess over it so you can get it out from under your skin? have you ever been scared of yourself and what you’re capable of when you’re angry? have you ever felt like skinning yourself alive would not even be enough to stop the pure rage from imploding within?

[wishing-for-deathx]

I’m never the girl the guy wants. Fuck it ruins me to see me be tossed aside like garbage or used like garbage 😔

[selfaware-stalker]

cut your name into my chest so i dont feel like im the crazy one in the realtionship.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

this is how my life is going as of lately.. fucking nothing,, soon i’m gonna be a poor homeless man :,)) …fuck dude, why does life always fuck me over

[gh0stgirl-hotline]

with bpd even bad attention is good attention

[sadredgiant]

Sometimes it feels like I am what other people think of me. Like I’m just a canvas and people to an extent get to paint who I am. It’s not that I don’t know who I am. It’s like you paint whether I’m good or bad based on the emotions you show me. Like if u think negative about me. I become the bad guy. And I like it. It’s that certain people just trigger certain parts of me and I don’t know how to explain it. Like if I’m close to you especially. Like it rlly feels like I got fucking real demons. Like the worst possible thing, when I get like that always seems like the best idea. Being bad is so easy yk. It’s fun sometimes. But those moments never last long and I’ve been capable of pulling myself out of those “episodes" Ig. It’s like, when I was on Xanax that’s what I was. The worst possible version of myself. I think it sources from the fact that I still sometimes want a reason to go back so I try to create the reason for myself. Bc not giving a fuck, was so much easier.

Now I care way too much. Ik I’m not going back bc every time I start thinking that way I find my rationality shortly after and realize what I am doing. It’s also weird how I don’t even trust myself. Like I have a lot of doubt, like is what I’m saying true? Or am I making excuses for myself to make it easier on myself setting me up for certain failure bc that’s all I’ve ever done. Am I being honest with myself? Every thing is so distorted and it’s not like I’m not seeking help. I have a therapist and I’m trying to do what’s best for my future but there’s that voice that whispers and tries to call me back all the fucking time. Like the void is ringing my phone and leaving me voicemails like a crazy obsessive ex. It’s like I’m in a toxic relationship with myself. It’s back and forth between me and the worst parts of me.

[lovesixk-demon]

I'm having a really hard time and nothing online is helping, google is only giving me results for loved ones dealing with a person with bpd instead of giving help for the actual person struggling with bpd.

If anyone has tips on how to deal with splitting on a favorite person, please share it in the notes. I don't know what to do right now

The problems I'm dealing with is that they're my partner but I feel like cutting them off or cursing them out due to splitting, I've been avoiding them and I can't do this forever so I need solutions

[borderlineangel222]

all my life i’ve been blamed for the monstrosities i didn’t ask to happen to me.

[borderlinebeauty]

I wanna cry so badly. I feel so alone. I wanna scream. I wanna vent. I wanna be with you. But I know that I can’t. So instead I’ll continue to suffer. Suffer in silence. *immediately tears up and gasps* bro I hate this disorder so much. so fucking much.

[no--mourners--no--funerals]

it frustrates me that

there are articles out there referring to people like me as “the borderline”, discussing how people like me “seduce” partners into being in a relationship then treat them poorly with rage, volatility, and manipulation.

the stigma against people w bpd, who are in immense pain, who have experienced trauma, who are simply trying to find a way to keep going is exhausting. it is so painful to be dehumanized for a disorder I DIDNT CHOOSE. im just here to keep breathing another day but apparently i am a monster.

well you’re not. you make good choices. you love the people in your life. you take care of your well being and are trying to not hurt others. you are not a monster.

i hope you know that you’re not alone.

[bpdcrybaby213]

I don't understand why we can't say "self harm" on social media or anything to do with it. You have to constantly edit spelling and it's bullshit. Anything to do with self harm and suicide has to be censored. Like it's a crime and we're horrible people for it. It's literally out of our control yet we get treated like evil people and locked up. It's our bodies, it's our lives, it's our choice. Stop condemning people for their mental illnesses.

[wishing-for-deathx]

Fuck I’m so tired of doing this everyday, the crying, the restlessness, the pain. Of feeling things as intensely I do. I don’t want it