#and i do sleep! and wake up dissociating. oh my god

[mrsmarlasinger]

FUCK Robotabs. I'm genuinely sick rn, but I accidentally got high and now we 🫥😶‍🌫️🫠😐

[mockerycrow]

HELLO the biggest congrats on 4k, you absolutely deserve that and so many more!!!

Could I see a female!reader x Ghost with the prompt:“I had a nightmare . . . can I stay with you tonight?”

TY and yet again, congratulations 🤍🤍🤍

REASSURANCE (Ghost x Fem!Reader) — 4K CELEBRATION

authors note; thank you so much anon <3 i hope you enjoy!

[WARNINGS; not proofread (like most of my fics), silent panic attack + light dissociation, implied you’ve never seen his face, hurt/comfort.]

You know Ghost has nightmares—everyone knows Ghost has nightmares. No one really wants to talk about it because he doesn’t, but everyone has seen the man up at ungodly hours of the night, or perhaps beating the absolute shit out of a punching bag at the on-base gym.

No one except for Price knows what Ghost’s been through, but no one really questions him. It’s unrealistic to think Ghost is the only one waking up due to their dreams—even Price does on the occasion. What Ghost doesn’t do is ask for help.

You had a weird gut feeling about tonight; you weren’t really restless, but you weren’t tired. Every time you laid down to try to get some sleep, your eyelids would slowly open back up. You tried multiple methods; white noise, thinking about nothing, thinking about a story, taking a sleep remedy—nothing.

You had a weird tightness in your stomach that you couldn’t shake. It’s no big deal, you’ve had several nights like this. Nights where you stay up, half expecting something to happen. You aren’t sure if its the military-esque anxiety flaring up, expecting an attack of some sort or if it’s just one of those nights.

You’re laying in bed, trying to think of what you have to do tomorrow. Might as well try to think of something useful, right? Let’s see, you have to do morning training and then you have to eat, brief with price, it’s your turn to help the armourer—the weapons master, you like to say to piss them off—and you also have to do paperwork.

A very tame evening, you think, avoiding the Q word everyone oh so desperately hates; including yourself. Because the second you say it, you’re going to be called by Laswell, or General Shepherd, or some other CIA federal agent bureaucrat about some fucking thing that’s happening in the god forsaken world that only, and only task force 141 can handle—

—Someone knocks on your door, breaking your disorganized thoughts. Your eyebrows furrow; no one should be up, maybe Price is, or Ghost. Did you forget some paperwork? You sit up, slip your slides on your feet, and you walk to the door. You unlock the door and open it, wincing from the bright light of the hallway pouring in, and you’re met with the large figure of Ghost.

You blink, unsurprised. “Hey.” You utter. “Did I wake you?” God, Ghost sounds rough. It sounds like he garbled glass—er, maybe that isn’t the nicest way to describe one of your superiors voices right now. It’s clear he just woke up. You shake your head in response, stepping aside. “Here, come in. It’s bright.”

Ghost silently obeys, stepping inside of your room. You close the door and head over to your desk. You feel around in the darkness until you feel your lamp and you click a button, turning it on, illuminating the room just enough for you to see Ghost. He’s wearing a pair of dark grey sweatpants with one of his black, long-sleeve compression tops to go with it.

He’s wearing a basic black balaclava without the iconic skull, but.. His eyes are different. Distant and weary, cautious—panicked almost. Your eyebrows furrow together as his broad shoulders are tense, fists clenched.

“Ghost..” You call softly. He seems far away—he needs your help. “Ghost.” You say more insistently and louder, noticing the way his chest is barely moving. “Ghost, hey, can y’hear me? You need to take a breath..” You murmur, slowly approaching him.

He’s frozen but you see how his eyes flicker towards you, taking a moment realize where he is. You offer a soft smile you always show him and you nod. “There you are, big guy. Can I touch you?” You make sure to ask because you never know; a soldier during a flashback, touching them? That can be fatal—you trust Ghost as you don’t think he would ever hurt you, but you never know a person.

It takes him a moment to nod, which makes you promptly and gently grab his wrists. You gently guide him to your bed, and you sit him down. You’re nervous—you’re about to calm him down in one of the only ways you know how to, but you’re worried about the consequences you’ll receive afterwards. Oh well, you don’t care, not when Ghost’s eyes are as unfocused as they are.

The bed dips under his weight and you gently spread his legs, standing between them. You grab his arms; they’re deadweight, but his eyes flicker some recognition, allowing you to guide his arms around your waist. You guide his head to lay against your stomach, your hands cradling his masked jaw and the back of his neck.

Ghost takes in a harsh, shuddery breath which makes you hum in approval. “There you go, Ghost. Breathe, you’re alright.” You say in a mellow manner, your thumb brushing over his masked cheek. Ghost takes in another harsh breath as his arms tighten around you. You continue to try to ground him, talking and praising him for his efforts to stay calm. You know he isn’t in the right mind, but you’re still shocked he’s allowed you to touch him for as long as you have.

Something in your gut unravels as Ghost pulls his head away ever so slightly, ripping his mask off and throws it away like it was constricting his breathing. He buries the side of his face back into your stomach, taking you by surprise. Your met with his blonde hair in the low light, your heart stuttering.

You hesitate only for a moment before you bury a hand in his hair on the back of his head, your other hand returning to his jaw, your heart hammering as you note he has stubble as well as something on his skin, like deep scar tissue.

Ghost lets out a noise which you quickly hum in response. “It’s okay, let it out.. Won’t tell anyone about this, okay?” You assure him, causing another noise to escape him, almost like a laugh. “Kinda hard t’do that when a pretty girl is comfortin’ you.” He croaks, his voice broken—both his voice and sentence making your brain short circuit. You laugh in return, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “Shush,” You murmur. “Just relax.”

Ghost nods against your stomach, shakily exhaling. You stay like that for a while; neither of you are sure for how long, and neither of you care. You’re enjoying the rare vulnerability Ghost is displaying, and he’s enjoying the grounding touch you’re currently providing him. The silence is comforting as you comb your fingers through his hair, and you enjoy the weight of his head and his arms.

“I had a nightmare…” Ghost utters. You hold your breath as he looks up at you, and oh god, he’s hot. “..Can I stay with you tonight?” You’re mesmerized by the way his nose is curved—clearly has been broken a couple of times and wasn’t reset right—by the way his eyebrows are furrowed, his big, beautiful brown eyes.. You nearly forget to respond. “Yes,” You push out, resisting the urge to reach up and rub the tension between his brows. “Always.”

[goldkirk]

March 13, 2018

TW: PTSD episodes, traumatic memories, dissociation, death, murder, natural disasters etc etc frankly there’s just a lot. This whole thing was a vent I think I wrote while avoiding sleep. You don’t need to read this, I’m just posting it here as more evidence in my collection of how the past used to be for me. I’m okay about this now, and I’m just posting it for reference. Please don’t read this if it might be triggering for you. It’s very first-person and fast-paced.

Poem:

I launch awake in sweat, I am

sweat, my sheets are sweat, my blankets are sweat, I am soaked head to toe with hot sweat and my blankets are chaining me and I do not know

who I am and all I know is confusion and fear and I have vaulted out of the bed and onto my face before I even know that I am awake.

I have no idea who I am or where I am, it's dark,

and I don't know what is happening, I stumble into my wall

and I am hot.

I am suddenly up the basement stairs and tripping over the living room couch on my way to nowhere, I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am. All I know is I'm somehow awake, I am moving, and I feel like the world has ended and everything has crashed down around me in ruin and I feel

like I am not alive.

My mind is trying to piece together what I am, what has happened, what time is it where am I, I'm at home, oh,

there's my mom, there's my dad.

I don't remember anything I don't know what happened why does this all feel so wrong?

I think I died

while in my dream.

That is

the only explanation I can find for how I feel, to wake up like this,

I feel

like I did not exist. I had blinked out. There was terror and I

did not even know my own name for the first minute after waking up,

I didn't realize I was alive for seven awful seconds and

it must be hours after I went to bed right, oh lord God please what is happening to me it's

1:27 in the morning.

this hasn't happened since Junior year of high school when I

was a camp counselor,

when I was in a sleeping bag at night in

someone else's living room with all my peers and

was woken up for the night vigil shift I'd signed up for and didn't know my name.

I didn't know I existed I didn't know I wasn't floating in a void

suddenly things were real and I was trying to catch up with whatever the hell just happened and somehow

I'm expected to form coherent sentences to

reassure the 16 year old next to me that

no I'm fine. I don't need an ambulance, I just

maybe need my soul to come back to my body?

Can you tell me please, who am I.

I launch awake from a dream

I can't remember, but in it I die.

It's not as terrifying as my lucid dreams of

that one genocide that lasts

the whole night. or that

time where I watch my nephews and nieces get

shot one by one and I can't help,

And I watch my family die and

I can't stop the train crash or

the volcano or the pain

and I watch everyone I cannot save

die a thousand times this year but

at least when I wake up I know my own name.

Sometimes,

I die in my dreams, but it's not pretty,

its not poetic I don't know what I can say about it, it's just, I'm gone. I wake up

and don't remember I'm alive.

I don't know what my point is

in this poem. I mostly need to scream.

I just

forgot what it was like to die in my sleep, I guess,

and I wish I could remember, just

once, how it happened.

[kaddyssammlung]

Sleep Token - Calcutta Analysis

“I am caught, tangled in”

The first association that I have with this is: “I am tangled in your trance and I'm certain....”

The words caught and tangled in make think about spiders somehow. Idk why I have it linked this way but it makes me think about animals. And also about a feeling of being trapped in something or by something or someone. That someone or something is probably Sleep.

“Wrapped and quartered tripping up and over”

The word wrapped makes me think about spiders again. It evokes the image of him being trapped in a spider's web and “waiting” in there to be consumed.

I have the word “quartered” connected with “broken into fractions” or “through a fractured existence”. To me this represents a feeling of not having a sense of self. This is something that I can relate to because of my sh*tty memory thanks to my struggle with dissociation mostly. I often feel like I have no sense of self because of that. As if I'm just pieces floating around somewhere.

Tripping up and over also fits into this. It makes think about someone who is not really able to keep their body stable and therefore they fall over things in their way.

“Time lived again for just a moment”

This is a tough one and I also know that is one that is being debated about a lot. I'm someone who believes in reincarnation. For me this expression makes me think about that topic.

But he says “for just a moment” so maybe he means that he lived for just a moment? Maybe Sleep made him feel alive?

“missing pieces find me”

To me the missing pieces fit the the word “quartered”. This reminds me again about not feeling whole for whatever reason. But also missing pieces from your soul even? I've heard other humans talk about them not feeling whole because they feel like parts of their soul have split away from them. This is a concept that I do not resonate with so much at the moment.

“I sweat and I ache for

your eyes and the way you breathe”

This kind of speaks for itself. He seems to really want to be with someone or something. It's loaded with a deep desire. So deep that he even feels pain because of it. What I find weird about it though is the fact that he says “the way you breathe” this makes me think about “the way I left you breathing” which is another call back.

“And I wake saying your name”

This makes me think about previous questions and mostly about the question where he went to meet Sleep. Was it astral travel? Or was it lucid dreaming? Maybe it was lucid dreaming because he says “and I wake”.

“Your name” does he mean Sleep? Who knows but I guess it was or is important to him.

“You are more than warm belief

melting skywards more than silence broken”

That's a strange way of expressing your appreciation but also a very nice sounding one.

The expression “warm belief” makes me think about not really believing something in some way. You try or maybe want to believe something to be true but you don't really believe it. Idk where I am taking this from.

“Melting skywards” pointing towards God?!

“I'm whole again for just a moment

'Til the morning comes”

This is interesting for multiple reasons. There is something/someone out there that can make him feel whole again.

To me personally this is almost like giving out a false sense of hope and security. I have tried so many things and I was always hoping that these things would make me feel “whole” again in some way. It never worked out!

And also we have the “morning” again.

“Oh, she said you'd better believe it”

Or what?!

It makes me think about the things that he was promised.

[caffeinatedopossum]

My pain scale for physical pain is like

Above 10: pain that is worse than what I've ever felt before. I can imagine it in many different ways but don't have a solid grasp of what it would be like. I don't ever want to experience or witness anyone else experiencing this.

10: I can't move or talk. I will pass out from pain if I don't get medical attention immediately. But also I can't talk or move and no one can tell I'm in pain so thats not gonna happen... goodnight I guess (I might be taken to the ER if someone notices I'm crying or not well but this hasn't ever happened so far)

9: I am now on autopilot. I will talk concisely and appear overly composed because I don't have energy to freak out or say very much. Please take me to the ER at your nearest convenience.(also starting to get dehydrated from sweating due to the pain ^^)

8: aahhh slfkfjfg I'm freaking out please help me ahhh oh god oh no shit fuck balls gaaah (I won't hold a conversation with you, I might start crying, I won't be able to sleep or do most activities I need to but I don't need to go to the ER either)

5-7: hmm should I take Tylenol? Prolly not right? I should wait until I really need it. Clearly this is a good strategy that will work and have no consequences 😌 (narrator: it was not and it did)

(^^Sometimes I dissociate through this whole level without realizing it. It's painful enough to keep me awake or wake me up and stop me from doing some necessary activities. This is my damage control level where i need to take preventive measures to keep it from getting worse. This is where I normally am. )

1-4: very little pain. I almost never feel this way. The times I do are usually from very effective pain meds. I WILL fall asleep if I'm in this little pain.

0: I don't know what this feels like but I can conceptualize what no pain or discomfort might feel like based on what other people have told me and what I've observed in them.

[i-write-only-to-feel-emotions]

Hi; it's my firs time writing on this account and this is list of what I'm writing:

Tokio hotel band boys

Marvel (not all characters)

Narnia

Ouat (not all characters)

Batfam ( if you want batman x reader only a batsis then. And no batmom reader)

Outer banks

Jatp

Harry potter

Marauders (only young marauders sorry)

Miss peregrine's home for peculiar children ( I don't know if I'm spelling it right)

Dream smp ( not all of them )

Teen Wolf (not every character and I do write about movie)

nowhere boys

every witch way

Kissing booth ( without Noah. Just don't like him and don't hate me please )

I can't really think of anything else but if you have some ideas just text me 😃

I write everything. Literally everything besides Smut (sorry not sorry) (I do write smut now)

And this I'm my prompts list of everything:

"You need to wake up because I can't do this without you"

"Just once"

"I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"

"If you keep looking at me like this we won't make it to a bed"

" Wanna dance?"

" You fainted... Straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn't have to go to such extremes"

" Wait, did your emotionless y/n just smiled??"

"Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

"I almost lost you"

"Don't you ever do that again!!""

"It could be worse"

"Looks like we'll be trapped for a while..."

"You need to wake up because I can't do this without you"

"It's almost like when you were still alive"

" Did you think I just forgot ?"

"When I let go, run for your life"

"How can't you see them? They're Right there"

"Don't open(close) your eyes (when you write request just chose with on you want )"

"I always knew I die first"

" You know I'm not read, do you ?"

"Don't worry about it. J was already awake"

"How long have you been having nightmares like this?"

"What happened?"

"Hey - hey! Hey! It's me y/n, it's me"

"Was it the same as last one?"

"Strange place to fall asleep"

"Do you... live here?"

"You were already asleep, I didn't want to wake you"

"You're safe. It's okay, I promise you, you're safe. You need to stop fighting them"

" I'm sorry, i know, I'm trying to help you. I want to help you, you're hurt, I'm - oh God, I'm sorry, please go back to sleep"

"Hey y/n? Look at me"

" Why do you sitting in the closet??"

"I'm right here"

"How long have you been sitting here?"

"Is it okay if I touch you ?"

"It's windy today. This bench has a nice texture, don't you think ?"

" I can't help you if I can't touch you. Will you give me your hand ?"

" No.... I'm not hurt"

"Sometimes I just ... do this. It's fine"

"No, it's bad. But I'm. Like. I'm fine just give me like, ten minutes"

"I don't - I don't remember"

".... I don't like whent it's loud"

"I love you iI really do but.... I just can't.... I'm dissociating"

"I didn't feel that. At all"

"Did you just come out?"

"Don't touch me"

"My name is y/n. I'm [ age ]. I live in this box. My name is y/n -"

"I can't think of anything to do that don't kill someone canyouhelpme ?"

" Eeeee - hi, I'm uh I think I'm in [ different state ]. Could you come please???"

"Hey, it's okay it's okay just breathe. Okay? just breathe"

"Everything's hurt"

"This is going to hurt, but I'll help you"

"No, no no no no no no no no! Hey y/n? Hi sweetie I've got you"

"I'll still be there when you wake up"

"You cans sleep, y/n. It's over"

"Y/n? Was that - did you just squeeze my hand?"

"It's okay. It's meant to be there, just helping you breathe"

"Can you hear me?"

"You here so close to dying I was scared"

"Is it getting bad again"

"You are such stronger and braver

" Next time it's gets this bad just tell me please"

"There are just too many people depending on me. I can't rest. I can't let them down"

"I don't have anything or anyone left anymore"

"I'm not strong. or brave. I survive 'cause there's not really any other choice"

"I tried to give up before. But the universe just didn't let me"

"I just want to be done. I'm tired. I'm so, so fucking tired"

"I know it's selfish. But i wish someone would just.... Hug me forever"

"I tend to live people more than they love me . And it's okay. J don't mind but ... It can be lonely"

"I just don't feel like life makes any difference to anyone. I'm just here"

"I ruin everything i touch"

"Being alive is exhausting"

"No one ever helped me when I needed it. So, i just. Try to do my best to keep others from feeling that king of loneliness...."

"Sometimes... I feel like the pain is everything I am"

"I wish I remembered anything other than loneliness"

"I'm not particularly good person. but sometimes I wish someone would think I am"

"I'm just always the one who gets left behind"

"I never seem to belong anywhere. or to anyone"

"I'm alone and this is my own fault. but it doesn't make it hurt any less"

"I don't know how to live. I feel like like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop"

"I always expect people to hurt me. Because they usually do"

"It's better if I'm alone. I can't hurt anyone if there's no one close enough to get hit by the debris of my fuck ups"

"How can I help you feel less alone?"

"I'm not going anywhere until you get some sleep"

"You're important to me. You hear me?? you're important. And that's never gonna change"

"I want to take eof you. Please, let me"

"No one is meant to be all alone. That's not how humans are built. You don't need to do all this on your "

"You don't deserve the bad things that happened to you. You never did"

"Y/N YOU'RE BLEEDING?!?!?!"

"That's...... a lot of blood, is that - of Fuck!!"

"When your saying your pain's 5 out if 10, for a normal person it's 11 out of 10, we getting you help now"

"I know it's hurt's, shhhh it's okay, it's okay"

"Holy shit, how long have you been like this??"

" Y/n? Y/n!!? Hey!!"

"It's okay! Just stay awake, okay sweetie? Stay awake"

"It would be better if you stayed away from me. I'm a monster"

"I wish there was world with accept us"

"You can't kill me. I'm not alive"

"It's okay. You can let go"

"It wasn't supposed to end like that"

"I'm a weapon, and weapons don't weep" "you're not a weapon. You're a person"

"In sorry that I couldn't save you"

"I didn't ask to be made"

"You're as beautiful as the day i lost you"

"It would have been better to die"

"Why you have blood on your hands ??" "Don't worry. It's not mine blood"

"And he save me. In every way that person can be saved" (yes Titanic us just perfect)

"You're the first person that loves me in any way"

"That's dangerous. You could die" "yea I know"

"He's dead.... Again"

"It's hard to got used to...." "What is?" "Being someone that someone cares for..."

"It's hard" "what?" "Loving someone for the first time ever"

"You are such a nerd"

"Why are you so cold" "my mother is literally a snow queen"

"You need some sleep"

"You know you talking in your sleep??" "I do not" you literally say 'I love you [character name]' last night"

" What did you do this time??"

" I'm not scared but if you are you can hold my hand"

" Here, let me help you"

"I love your laughing" " i laugh like a deep bird" "i still love it"

"I don't hate you" "you literally just punch me in the face" ".... I don't hate you"

"You're so fucking cute" "*dress like witch* thanks ??"

"What are you doing?" "Hugging you" ".... That's nice felling"

" By the way... I'm gonna kiss you now. If you don't want to, just punch me"

" I love you.." "what's love is?" "Well it's something nice" "i never have something nice..... Thank you"

" Stop doing this to me!" "I'm not doing anything?!" "Stop lying!! You're making me all fuzzy inside"

" Can j just keep you?" "It doesn't work that way. But Shure"

" You have fluffy hair"

"In not ready to give up, not yet"

"I don't know how to love"

"Im sorry" "for what?" "For loving you"

"Stop running away from your feelings"

"I'm not used to all that.... Affection"

"You have to leave. I hurt everything that loves me, including myself"

"Leave me alone" "is it really what you want ?"

"Remember when your mom used to sing us to sleep?"

"They take me. They gonna do experiments on me"

"I through o lost you"

"Emotions are pointless"

" Why you don't show your emotions?"

"What if I kill someone ??" "You not gonna kill anyone. I promise"

"Stop distracting me"

"please never stop smiling"

"Burt it -" "NOOO!!"

"This idiot wants to die"

"We're going to get you help"

"If you pass out I'm gonna kill you"

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!"

"You're burning up"

"You are going to be fine"

"When was the last time you eat? Or sleep? Or come out of this room?"

"Don't touch me!"

"They're behind me right ??"

"I can't feel my legs"

"I feel like I can't breathe"

" If you don't go to sleep right now I'm gonna throw those books in the lake"

"In not your friend. I'm you boyfriend you stupid"

"I have idea" "is it involves killing?" "Nevermind"

"I don't do it" "then why are you laughing?" "Because whoever did this is a genius"

"Surprise you little bitch. I knew you wouldn't believe that I'm alive"

"I'm going to die" (in dramatic way and not dramatic way)

"Just let me die already"

" I don't have a choice. I never had"

"Can you even talk? Like at all?"

"Stop poaching everyone away"

"There's nothing you can do"

"Let me help you"

"It wasn't your fault"

" I will sing you a lullaby"

"Shhhh, come back to bed"

" Please don't leave me"

"Letting go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do"

"Please don't hate me" "hate you? I would never hate you"

"You not going to lose me"

"Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that"

"How much of that did you hear?"

"I'm going to take care of you"

"You smile like an idiot when you are talking to them"

"You're adorable when you are sleepy"

"Are you still awake..."

If you have any ideas just write to me and I will inform you if I write that or not love you byeeee!!!!

[thedelolos]

neverafter episode 9 live thoughts

under the cut!!

Holy cannot believe we are up to nine already 

(also the content warning scare me this week pls be okay little cat)

I want ally’s polo shirt , i don’t like a lot of polo shirts but that one looks cool 

“This is you giving your strings to somebody else” nooo let him be his own boy

GOD NAT 20

“Into the light of your own book” oh bless

“What are you trying to understand your story” “why nothing has never worked out 

Why does this hurt so much he’s really just a kid 

“For a moment you are all marionettes together” somehow that is both creepy and assuring 

“I should have never made you” ow oW OW OW

Ew ew she’s manipulating him 

I’m really glad that his friends are there with him 

‘Your holding it’s strings to “i haven’t given my soul to you, you’ve given your soul to me”

“Full phrase, i guess i can’t talk” Pib i can’t with you

No do not go with her she’s sus

“You’ve seen them too”

So the fairies aren’t unified, inch resting

“They’re all surrealists now, wake up” crying

The wolf vanishing from stories 

“Lollipopcorn” emily chaos incorporated

Wolf true neutral

“You feel the turning of pages” whoa 

Wait so is this our ylfa’s original story?? 

“It was my grandma’s time, but not my time?” “Yes”

I think that quick yes signifies that the wolf is the personification of death like in most stories, maybe the thing that the fairies want to do has to do with killing versions of stories that have strayed

‘I met death and death wants me to life” i know that was said with a laugh, but that line is so metal

This jumping into different stories thing is so cool 

He’s acting like a frog as an act of dissociation that’s so sad but also me too 

He’s fetching her ball i’m gonna cry

“It’s been so long since anyone asked me that” bruh i’m sobbing

“I’m an inside frog” AHHH

Confirmation of the golden mace i love that 

Gerard you have no right to make me feel this many feelings

“And they all lived happily” STOP BRENNAN

Wait is muffet still with them?? We didn’t leave her falling into the void did we??

ZAC CRIT CITY

The gander is in pain, wonder why

That cutting space effect was so cool, like trying to cut into another story

PARTS OF THE SKY AREN’T THERE YO 

WAIT THEY ARE GONNA SEE THE REAL STEPMOTHER

Wait so did she do something similar to what red did? Consume another entity for more power

GOOD THE SEAM IN SPACE IS SO COOL

ALSO EMILY I HAD THE SAME REACTION 

GOD THE WAY THE EDITING IS HERE I’M YELLING

“Be careful what you ask for”

“You don’t have a story” wow wow wow

I love this villain origin story, this is so cool 

So she just wants choice too?? 

Everyone in this world wants the freedom of choice but they don’t agree with other peoples choices and how they seek their agency and i think that is super interesting and provides for a lot of nuance 

Pib be out of tricks 

THE CROWNED WOMAN WAS THE EVIL QUEEN 

So they all have their own books now 

Emily backtracking is so funny 

The baron of bricks oooo

Legend lore once a day that will be so helpful 

So everyone has an idea of what's happening because they are only seeing it from their point of view yeah?

Yay long rest!!! No con saves only restful sleep 

ROSAMUND 

WHY DOES THIS FEEL LIKE A BAD IDEA

UHH

This certainly is an idea

God that was quite the episode

[scatterpatter]

Some long-overdue rants about Dp/Dr

Man this post was years in the making. Most dpdr posts I make tend to be pretty lighthearted in nature mostly to cope and shit but like. It’s a disorder at the end of the day and boy howdy do I have some frustrations after coming out of one of my longest/worst spells I’ve had in a long time

cw for mental illness, dissociation, negativity(largely directed at the self), ptsd, etc etc etc, seriously you aint missing out by scrolling past I just want this out of my head and somewhere tangible

MAN FUCK DP/DR. ALL MY HOMIES HATE DP/DR.

I am. So fuckin sick of it. I am so god damn sick that my main response to trauma and stressors is to literally step outside of my own goddamn body and/or step into a distorted reality because my brain is that desperate to get out of this one, if only a short time

I’m so sick of how fucking invisible it is, and how invisible it makes me feel. I know it’s a good thing that I can act so much like myself that people don’t suspect a thing(or at worst, think I’m just tired or a lil sick), but also I just want to feel fucking sseeeeeeeen. It frustrates me to such a goddamn degree that sometimes I wish my abusers left physical scars, at least then someone, anyone, could see evidence of what i went through time after fucking time. And yesssss before anyone fuckin says it I know its not healthy to have wished for physical trauma on top of everything else but when a goddamn cycle of emotional abuse gets ingrained in you time after time after fuuuucking time, you kinda start to wish someone could see your struggle as more than just “Oh he’s ~sensitive~ haha what a baby.” And yessssss the whole point of it is so that I can socially blend in even when my mind has totally checked out, the point of it is to be invisible, but that doesnt make it any less frustrating

I’m so sick of having to rely on my dissociative spells as much as I do. I gave some of the different states I find myself in names, faces, hell even slight personality differences because Im just that desperate to be comforted even if it has to come from myself, to make the spells less scary, to put names and faces to what Im going through. I want to be grateful for them, after all in a sense I sort of made them and they’re only trying to protect me but I don’t want to need them. I don’t want to put someone who only vaguely resembles me into my body and in control over my words and actions, but I don’t exactly have a say in the manner and it’s comforting and frustrating all at once

I’m sick of the memory fog. I’m sick of having a memory of something mere hours ago but it feeling like weeks ago. My memories while dissociating make me feel like I was drunk and on the edge of blackout drunk- and people wonder why I avoid drinking most of the time. Time moves distortedly and I’m just tired of having to lay on the floor for what feels like 5 minutes only for 2 hours to pass. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep in the middle of an absolute breakdown, only to wake up the next morning an entirely different person, only vague recollections of that breakdown surfacing as if it were just a dream

I’m so so so sick of it getting harder and harder to tell the difference between my dreams, my intrusive thoughts, and reality

I’m fuckin sick of having to put a wall up before most social interactions. Having to either go into an interaction already-dissociating or having that dissociative spell on standby ready to go the second things go wrong because things always go wrong. Either I say something- even if its personal- and am just- wrong. In one way or another what Im doing is wrong and needs to be corrected. It’s either that, or it’s me saying something stupid and getting laughed at/made fun of because ~Haha Scatter always says something stupid and funny~, or it’s me saying something that gets taken in such the opposite manner in which I meant to say something that I’m left there in that empty shell of my projection of self just wondering how I’m being so misinterpreted- do I really come across as that vicious and vile as a person? Everyone always agrees so it must be true but what is it that I do thats so different from everyone else that I’m always seen as this bad??? It’s. Always. Something. I can’t remember the last social interaction I’ve had where at least one person doesn’t call me out for doing something wrong. And it’s. So. Tiring. To be in a position where no matter what I do it’s always wrong in one way or another but I have no choice but to put Damien behind the wheel and just take it because who am I to say that they’re wrong? I cant remember the last time any of my friends have seen the real me, so who am I to say that isnt who I am. That’s not even me. It’s just a projection of myself that acts in a way I think people will like but in one way or another I always get it wrong and it’s always so quick and so sudden to be told how wrong I always am.

I’m sick of Roy being right. I’m so sick of his logic that, the less we talk to people, the less they make fun of us. And then I go into an interaction where speaking or even typing is so physically hard. Where I feel so incredibly muted. But at the end of the day I come out of that interaction and all I can think of was how right Roy was. It doesn’t stop entirely, but it does lessen the amount of times people call me out or make fun of me and it only incentivizes him to take that approach more and more often. It’s confirmation bias and I haaaate that. I’m so sick that I have a game I call “How long can I not engage with someone telling me how awful I am before they finally drop it” and not only is it a game I have to play more often than I like to admit but it’s a game that works.

I’m sick of Damien stepping in to take the emotional blow. But of course he would, why wouldn’t he??? It’s so, so much easier to take everything thrown at you when it’s not you anymore. They’re not making fun of me anymore, they’re making fun of someone who’s not here. Someone who’s not me. I know my new years resolution was to feel like a real person again but its so, so hard to actively work towards that goal when it’s so, so, so much easier to not be a person

I’m sick of Hyde stepping in to try and be me to the best of his ability but at the end of the day, he’s acting like nothing’s wrong just as much as I am. It’s frustrating that when he speaks, it’s often not even fully in my dialogue, there’s usually some vocal quirk or something in there and it scares me because I don’t want people to notice. It’s like cracks in ice, cracks in my facade, and it risks shattering if someone draws too much attention to it. But he can’t be a perfect replica of me, and I can’t fault him for that. How is anyone supposed to do a perfect impression of someone who’s happy, who’s always there to be that emotional support, who’s the strong one, if the real one is busing having a panic attack or just shutting down entirely???

I’m just tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a face I should recognize but I don’t

I’m just so. Fucking. Tired.

I’m not even tired of having dp/dr honestly. I’m just tired at how much im required to use it. My abusers are long gone, I havent seen any of them in years, they’re not here to hurt me anymore, I shouldnt need these coping mechanisms anymore, but I just. Keep finding myself in situation after situation where the cycle has to continue and I just keep needing my dissociative spells. Even if they’re not here anymore, constant situations occur that reinforces everything they did to me and it just. It just frustrates me that something so invisible is what keeps me alive, and it’s endlessly tiring.

And it’s not like I’m not trying! It’s not like I’m not trying to be a better person, and trying to actually love myself and see the value in myself after so many years of being told time and time again the opposite, but it’s just an uphill battle and it’s hard and it’s tiring. And I want to believe when someone tells me I’m loved by my loved ones, but like... honestly it’s just. Hard to believe that when not only is every interaction negative towards me in one way or another, but the person they’ve come to recognize as “me” isn’t even me. And if that ghost of me is as horrible as I’m always told they are, imagine what they’d do if they saw the actual me.

I just wanna throw up tbh

Can you tell this post went from angry to just. Tired??? Idk man if you’ve made it this far then thanks for sticking around. I just. Had a spell that lasted nearly the entire holiday weekend and it ended in an absolute breakdown that I barely even remember, which i guess is for the better. Im just tired of dp/dr being as needed as it is for me. Idk. Bottom text.

[alexander-deserves-to-die]

Cookies that taste like 2021

I'm wearing shit that cuts off the circulation to my wrist so I can cover up the result of my longing, I was feeling a pain on the right side of my head that spreads through my neck and runs all the way down my spine until it reaches my hip, oh God, my fucking hip, I could never recover from that fucking injury. It doesn't bother me anyway.

How I wish I could just sleep, although I think sleeping is what's killing me.

I don't understand what this moment in my life is about, I'm just trying to let everything follow a natural course, the course it should follow, but this fucking feeling persists that they are constantly stabbing my insides and sticking little pins into the edges of my eyes. and in the back of my head, it feels like my tear ducts are burned and the scab has been ripped off the burn, leaving in its wake a terrible burning sensation that paralyzes my jaw and seems to coordinate with the pain of constantly scratching a fresh cut on inner part of my wrist. The aroma of my mother's room infested by the smell of wet earth from that morning in March 2021, along with the smell of smoke from a December bonfire in 2022, when I was harassed by a fucking demon of sleep paralysis, that inspired me to write a creepypasta, cables about to be burned by the heat of the early spring of 2023 and KitosCell, the fucking aroma of KitosCell.

The same thing always happens. It's always the same.

That impulse to tear my veins persists in me in the first second in which a lump begins to form in my throat and I feel how my eyes without realizing it make a superhuman effort to contain the blood, only to minutes later struggle to get all the poison out. and after so much agony… I give in.

I don't avoid it.

It won't matter at the end of the day.

But I should keep my promise of sobriety because the heat is becoming even more unbearable. I hate the damn helplessness and frustration that seems to be metastasizing throughout my brain.

It doesn't matter anymore.

It seems like I always come back to the same place, I don't know how that makes me feel. Fuck everything.

What did I do? What am I doing wrong?

After wasting a full day and a lemon pie, as a final lucidity I resign myself to eating cookies and jam while drinking coffee and listening to My Chemical Romance.

I dissociate for a moment and images of previous years and things I never truly experienced come back to me and I consider the idea of ​​finishing everything on Sunday night.

What a waste.

-XoAlx

[creaturebehavior]

oh god im super disccostcyed cuz my cat is hurt so i’m worried so my arms are numb

good news is she seems happy, she’s wanting to play, i know she is okay but cats hide pain very well and that causes me to cry because i’m so scared she’s hurting more than she shows me

she got a cactus thingy stuck in her and i don’t know what to do and it’s 4:30am and she’s had it stuck in her now for several hours because she came inside all roughed up earlier after i couldn’t find her but i also couldn’t locate a wound but she just now came up to me and as i was petting her i felt the thorn pokey thing i don’t know what they’re called on a cactus. a spike thing.

my mom is a nurse and she’s sleeping in the next room i texted her and fed my kitty and she wanted to play so we played a little and then i had to cry and make this post cuz i got super dissociated and my arms went numb

god im so stressed out

i what my mom to wake up i texted her saying please come in here and check on her in the morning even if i’m still sleeping

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

I have a story regarding to "The Twitching Generation" or at least similar to it.

I have a female cousin who's dearly close to my family and she self-diagnosed herself with narcolepsy because she's constantly falling asleep during the day mostly of the time but her mom already took her to see a doctor and made several tests even with a polysomnography multiple times and they found nothing wrong with her. Her blood is clean, there's no disease or disorder of any kind that they could find in her.

So, what's causing her to fall asleep during the day? Well, her mom admitted during a lunch that she's always sleeping very late after midnight like between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. and wakes up very late almost at noon, plus she doesn't eat properly and eat junk food and is addicted to social media. Here's the worst part: my cousin denies everything and insists that she has a medical condition despite having medical evidence that contradicts her.

This is the most eye-opening and shocking thing I've encountered in first-hand. Her family and my family have tried everything to convinced her to change her lifestyle since what she's dealing with could've been addressed easily with a 9-hour sleep, healthy food and less usage on the internet but she refuses to do that.

It's really sad to see someone, especially a family member destroy themselves for an irrational belief.

This is a great example of the problems with self-diagnosis and self-identification, and the devastation it brings.

Self-diagnosis isn't great. Even a trained professional might need to get you into an MRI or take a biopsy or something to be able to accurately diagnose you, and yet you think you can just read WebMD and accurately diagnose yourself? No.

Interesting how you never see self-diagnosers diagnose themselves with pancreatic cancer, liver failure, multiple sclerosis or malignant narcissism. They always seem to be the quirky, yet transparent ones that attract attention and sympathy, justify their behavior - which is sort of like "I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio!" - or both.

It wouldn't necessarily be so bad on its own. You look up your symptoms and try to guess what you've got. You go to the specialist and you find out "oh, I don't have Dissociative Identity Disorder, I have Type 2 diabetes because I eat like every day is Halloween, boy do I feel silly."

When the self-diagnosed condition becomes a part of the individual's personal identity, it becomes threatening to suggest otherwise. To paraphrase Kimberlé Crenshaw, 'we all can recognize the distinction between the claims "I am Narcoleptic" and the claim "I am a person who happens to have Narcolepsy."' To question any of this is to be regarded as some kind of bigot or hater for not celebrating this identity.

It also seems pseudo-religious when you think about it. What would convince her that she didn't have narcolepsy? When I ask a similar question to the religious, the answer, stated proudly and confidently is "nothing. Nothing could convince me that my god is not real." If you got an answer like that from her, you can be certain she's not rational and her belief is just as faith-based.

Since social capital is now calculated on acquiring "marginalized identities" and perceived "victimhood," not on ideas and values, it's even worse to dare point out that they don't have a condition at all, and are remarkably ordinary. That would be the worst thing of all.

It would be interesting to ask her about an article that you read, that she's no doubt well aware of, about an injection you can get every two months which will eliminate narcolepsy entirely. And whether she will be getting it. I would put money on her "narcolepsy" being the "wrong kind" or some other excuse.

What's really gross is that there are people who actually have narcolepsy, DID, Tourette's and other conditions who would love nothing better than to wave a magic wand and just be merely ordinary, to fit within the statistical bellcurve called "normal."

And then you have people mapping their personality traits or flaws onto these serious conditions and adopting them as an aesthetic, trivializing them in the process.

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

Hi! Here to request a hurt and comfort dialogue prompt: #26 ("I'm sorry you had to see me like that") with either Percy and the rest of Vox Machina or Percy and Vex. Some ideas I've been tossing around for this prompt might be after the fight with Orthax, or Percy having a panic attack, nightmare, or dissociation episode. I'll leave it up to you, though! I trust your judgment!

I really love your pieces, so keep it up! I feel so excited whenever I get the notification that you've posted, and get this rush of joy at the prospect of reading another one of your Vox Machina works. Heck, I'd say I'm becoming addicted to your stuff! I just love it so much!

Anyways here's me whenever I see your work:

you're so sweet oh my god <3 it makes me so happy that you like my writing!

Vex is no stranger to Percy's nightmares. Before they got together, their rooms shared a wall and she could hear him crying out and sobbing. It made her ache when she knew he wouldn't accept her comfort. But now that they share a bed, he lets her comfort him. He never wakes her up on purpose, but if she wakes and notices him having a nightmare, he allows her comfort.

Tonight, Vex doesn't wake up to his kicking or his screaming. She wakes up to muffled sobbing. Vex squints in the darkness and sees Percy sitting up, leaning against the headboard. One hand is pressed flat to his mouth, muffling his sobs. In the glimmer of the moonlight, she can see the glimmer of tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Percival," she says softly, sitting up. "Darling, it's alright." She gently pulls his hand from his mouth, twining their fingers together. The second she does, she finds herself pulling into Percy's arms as he cries into her shoulder. She holds him just as tight, scratching her nails against the back of his head in the way he adores.

"Whatever it is, it's alright," she assures him. "I'm right here, it's okay." The hand that is holding hers releases as he instead winds his fingers around her wrist, two fingers finding her pulse point. That at least gives her some clue as to how to comfort him. "I'm alright," she tells him.

"Vex," he gasps, pressing his hand between her shoulder blades to move her even closer to him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for." Vex kisses the side of his head. "You haven't done anything." And then because she suspects she understands what's going on, "You haven't done anything to me. I'm right here, I'm alright."

It takes several minutes for Percy's crying to subside and a few more for him to loosen his vice grip on her. She takes his face in her hands, wiping away his tears.

"I'm sorry," Percy says softly. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that, it's unbecoming."

Vex smiles sadly, "It's no trouble, darling. I don't mind, heaven knows we've seen each other in worse circumstances than this. Are you alright?"

He nods and allows her to press a kiss to his cheek. She can sense that he's still in need of something, either comfort or a listening ear so she wraps her arm around his waist and leans on his shoulder.

"I dreamt that I killed you," he say softly after a moment. "When...When Orthax came out in Whitestone, I killed you. And then your brother killed me."

"Percy-"

"I think I would have wanted him to kill me. Why should I have gotten to live when I killed someone as wonderful as you?"

"Hey," she meets his eyes again. "You didn't kill me. I'm alright. We're both okay. Let's not talk about that kind of thing." Percy lifts her hand to his mouth and kisses the back of it.

"I'm sorry, my dear. Truly, I do not mean to upset you. You should go back to sleep-"

"Are you trying to tell me what to do?" Vex challenges with a smirk.

"I would never dream of it," he assures her. "But really, I'm alright."

"If you say so," Vex kisses him softly, ignoring the taste of salt between their lips. She lays back down, Percy following as he tucks himself against her chest. Vex wraps her arms around him, sinking one hand into his hair. He hums softly in contentment.

Vex runs her fingers through his hair, feeling the exact moment he falls asleep against her. She stays awake a while longer, making sure he's soundly asleep before doing the same.

[house-of-no-regrets]

No Regrets [in the wee hours]

Took a bit longer than expected, but I’ve finished the next little story! Hopefully I’ll be able to keep a decent pace on these. No overarching plot, just little stories in the same universe with the same characters. Warning for ~*murder*~ in this one!

-------------

I've been all-too-easy to wake up since I was a child; I'd often needed to go from dead asleep to functional, if groggy, as soon as I heard my father demanding action or attention. While I no longer need that reaction time, the old man long since locked up to rot, my brain is set in its ways and very convinced that I need to be able to bolt out of bed and fight God if a dust bunny moves too quickly in my vicinity.

Which is how I found myself waking up in the middle of the night, the sudden shift in the atmosphere bringing on consciousness with all the subtlety of a foghorn.

My room was silent, still, but I knew without opening my eyes that there was a spirit somewhere, and I didn't even give them a chance to speak before I pointed at the sign posted on my wall, barely shifting from my comfortable snuggle in my blanket and not even opening my eyes. Yes, this happens more often than I care to admit. No, I do not enjoy it. At all.

"Resurrection hours are noon to eight. I'm still alive and still need sleep to function."

There was silence, but the presence didn't leave, so I groaned and raised my head, finally opening my eyes to see the translucent, vaguely glowing, and unfortunately blurry spirit at the foot of my bed.

It did finally speak in a bewildered voice.

"Um, I'm being murdered."

Ah, fuck.

I grabbed my glasses from the bedside table and put them on. The spirit at the foot of my bed was tallish -- I've always been bad at estimating height, maybe half a foot shorter than Yvette? Five-nine... ish? -- and seemed to be in his twenties. There was a considerable dark stain on his chest and belly; likely blood, and the cause of his death. The newly-dead tend to show things like that, as they haven't had the time to get used to modifying their form.

I really hate it when brand new ones find me. I'm not sure how it started, but it seems like more and more often, now, the dead are drawn to No Regrets before they even realize they're dead, at least if they're the type to need my help. Wish I wasn't the one who had to break it to him. I'm not great with people.

"Sorry, bro, but I'm afraid they succeeded. Where was it? I'll get the police over there."

"Uhh... my house. I think. It's a little..."

I sighed. Right.

"You're probably a little out of it still... fresh dead usually are. C'mon, I'll take you around until things look familiar."

Climbing out of bed, I headed over to grab my hoodie from the back of the chair. I learned the hard way that sleeping is not a tits out sort of occasion when you're liable to get the dead dropping in at all hours of the night, so I sleep in pajama pants and a tank top. Little too chilly for tank tops outside, though. I shoved my phone in my hoodie and my feet into loafers, then started heading out of my room and down the hall.

"You remember your name?" I asked, trying to make conversation and learn what I could.

"Uh, Davis. Craig? Craig Davis."

"Well, Craig Davis, I'm sorry to hear about your passing. You're gonna need to possess me for this little adventure, by the way, but I'll walk you through it once we're outside."

"I- what?"

Considering how often I find myself lost in normal conversations, dealing with confused new spirits is especially difficult. Still shaking off my body's angry demands for More Sleep was not helping matters in the slightest, either.

"Possession. I'll explain it in just a minute." I rubbed an eye and yawned as I stopped in the foyer to pull a set of keys off one of the hooks on the wall.

Usually, I've got a driver. Not for vanity reasons, but after three or four near-misses caused by Sudden Spirits appearing in the car with me, I elected to hire someone to drive me into and around town as needed. But it was Fuck-This-Shit O'Clock in the morning, and Graves deserved their rest. The dead don't need to sleep, but they can if they so choose -- and it does, after all, conserve energy. The same goes for Yvette and Ashby; it was too early in the morning for most people to be out and searching for a necromancer to kill, so I wasn't gonna disturb them. I could handle a simple spirit chauffeur and 911 call on my own.

The keys were to the motor scooter; it was the better choice in this situation, allowing for more mobility and no passenger seat for any extra ghosts to drop into. That did, though, mean that Craig would need to ride shotgun in my body.

When I got out to the green scooter in the driveway, I paused and looked over at Craig.

"Hey, I know you're probably still a little out of it, so Possession 101." Script time. At least having this stuff memorized made it easier to do while dozy. "Our bodies need to take up the same space, so c'mere." I beckoned Craig over.

"So like… step into you?" He asked. Good, seemed like his head was clearing up some.

"Yeah, that's part 1."

He nodded and complied, crossing the space between us and settling in the same location, the two of us clipped into each other like bugged NPCs. It always felt so weird, those moments before a spirit actually possesses you. A sort of wobbly, in-and-out feeling like physics is trying to crush you and the spirit together, or, failing that, just kick your ass to the ground so you're not both in the same place at the same time.

"A'ight, now turn around and face the direction I’m facing, and overlay your hands onto mine as best you can." It was just a moment for him to obey, and I continued. "I'm not resisting, so you're gonna start feeling like you're being pulled in and pushed out at the same time. Space is trying to equalize. Let yourself be pulled in. It's gonna feel a bit like-"

The whirlpool effect kicked in before I could finish, the sudden snap and release of tension as Craig's spirit sank into my body. I wobbled a bit and grabbed the handlebar in front of me, then shivered at the sudden chill and dizziness. I'm pretty good at taking on passengers like this, but that didn't make it any more pleasant.

"You in there, buddy?" I asked out loud. Especially with new spirits, trying to think at each other was more trouble than it was worth. My lips moved to answer, though it wasn't my voice coming out.

"Uh- yeah. Yeah I'm here."

I grabbed the helmet hanging on the other handlebar and snapped it on, kicking the stand up and plopping heavily onto the seat.

"Great. Let's go."

"Wait, why am I not in control?" came Craig's confused voice. He felt almost frustrated, an undercurrent of emotion that wasn't mine despite being in my mind and body.

"Because this is my body, and I let you in willingly. Easier to keep control when you're letting someone in. Plus," I gave a little snort. "You just died, dude. I've been letting spirits possess me since middle school."

I felt his frustration turn to grumpiness, and then the pressure in my head, like a storm rolling in, that I knew from experience was him trying to take control. I froze and let out an irritated huff.

"You stop that. I'm not dealing with you doing some dumb shit with my body. Either chill out or get out."

"Oh- uh. Just wanted to see if I could…"

"Uh-huh. Anyhow, now that you're together enough to try joyriding, do you remember much about where you were before you were killed?"

I started up the scooter as emotions rolled through my mind, detached and distant, almost like the muffled dissociation I was used to mid-shutdown. Possessing spirits' emotions always felt weird like that, both mine and not mine, held at arm's length. Craig's was especially turbulent for a new death, but given that he had been murdered… I didn't fault him for being a little confused and angry. Even if it did put me a little on edge. 

"Uh- South Pine Street, Dogwood Acres housing development."

"Baller. That's not far from here. Once we get close to your body, you should be able to feel where it is, so I'll have a house number for the police. Don't want to have them scream in all blue lights and loud sirens and have your killer go to ground before they know which house, y'know?"

The muffled flare of anger that I felt was definitely not my own. I took a deep breath, hoped that the killer had panicked and tried to clean up instead of get rid of the body first, and puttered off towards Dogwood.

The housing development was quiet, lines upon lines of identical suburban boxes lit by flickering street lights that cast the sidewalks and yards in harsh white light. The occasional house had the glow of yellow within, but most of them were dormant. Weaving my way through the maze of streets, each one absolutely indistinguishable from the one before and the one to come, I felt terribly exposed -- and alone despite the spirit currently hitching along in my body.

I turned onto South Pine and brought my scooter to a puttering stop, stabilizing it with both feet on the ground. I couldn't help but bounce my legs to replace the vibration of driving; the sudden lack of sensation would ratchet my anxiety up even if I wasn't currently letting a frustrated dead man hang out in my head to catch his murderer.

...I should be more than a little anxious, really, but half-asleep Tabby once again wrote a check that more-awake Tabby is having to cash, and more-awake Tabby is very used to having to deal with the consequences of her idiot decisions. It occurred to me that normal peoples' consequences didn't usually involve murder, but when you live with the dead, you're bound to meet a few killers.

Two houses down, I could feel- not a tug so much as a presence, an echo of Craig's spirit reacting to his body. It was the only one on the street with its lights on and its garage, while not lit, was open. There was a car in the garage, another in the driveway, and a pickup at the curb in front.

"258?" I asked Craig, though I knew the answer already. His anger flared and I felt the oncoming storm again. I snapped at him. "That's two strikes, Craig. I'm sorry for your death, but if you end up driving my body into a crime scene or, god forbid, getting me killed next, I will kick your ass to whatever afterlife you're headed for and stay there to keep kicking it for eternity."

Big words for a short fat lady, but this is, in fact, my body on the line right now. I probably wouldn't be able to follow through on any ass-kicking, but dammit, I would try.

Craig was silent, and I could feel him steaming, petulant like a child denied a toy but with the power of a grown man behind it. With my stomach tying itself in knots and my hands starting to tremble, I dialed 911, hoping it would help quell the rising panic.

"258 South Pine Street. I think there's been a murder. I don't know the state of the crime scene or if the perp is still there, but you might be able to catch them if you hurry. The victim is Craig Davis, white adult male, either shot or stabbed in the chest, likely multiple times-"

"Wait, is this Tabby? The necro girl?"

Oh god I hope that isn't what the operators call me regularly-- I know I'm a bit of a 911 cryptid, since the usual intruder calls are to the non-emergency line, but if I get known as the necro girl I might have to move to a different state.

"Yeah, uh, necromancer, yeah-" I couldn't help but stumble over my words, now, with my train of thought derailed by the interruption. "-uh, murder?"

"Right! I'll send someone."

I murmured a thanks and hung up before she could ask me to stay on the line. I already had to stay around for the cops so Craig could give a statement, and making small talk with the 911 operator was not in the spoons tonight.

I don't like cops much, but in my line of work, they're kind of a necessity. I need to stay on the police force's good side because I need them to remove attempted murderers from my property on the regular. ...and also because graverobbing is still technically illegal, even if I do have the body owner's permission to dig them up.

At least most of the locals who know of me and my employees are chill about it. It took a bit of effort to get to that point, but now at least people don't run screaming from the less-presentable of my employees…

The blue lights of the police showed up fairly quickly, followed almost immediately by the red flashing of EMS. I puttered up slowly and parked my scooter just out of range as the officers set to work surrounding the house, then hung my helmet on a handlebar and walked up the rest of the way to watch the impending train wreck. I could feel Craig's anger boiling higher and tried my best to ignore it; Craig himself seemed to have fallen silent and sullen after I called him out.

"Tabby!"

I was standing just off to the side of the ambulance when someone stepped up behind me and called my name, making me jump and cringe.

"Oh- oh dear, I'm sorry, Tabs. I thought I heard you were the one who called this in!"

I straightened up immediately, face burning. I recognized that voice, bright and smooth and kind and--

"J-Jenna!" My voice was barely a squeak as I turned to face her, looking up at the round, dark face of one of the EMTs. She was a good six feet tall, maybe more, towering above me even in her uniform flats, with a brilliant smile and full lips and gorgeous natural hair pulled through the back of her uniform cap, the streetlight illuminating her from behind like a halogen angel.

Jenna had shown up to one of my early calls for assistance at No Regrets, and then she kept turning up, not every time I was in a situation where I'd be around EMTs, but often.

Concern showed on her face as she leaned to look me over.

"Are you okay? Did you see it happen, or-"

I shook my head, buying time to sort out words by tapping my temple with a finger.

"N-no, I uh- the victim woke me up, he's in here, uh, in case the cops need somethin' from him."

"Oh… are you getting enough sleep, dear? You sound exhausted. Do you want to sit in the back of the truck?"

It took me a second or two to recover from the way she called me dear, my face burning bright red. I couldn't make eye contact even for the second or two I can usually manage so that people don't immediately think I'm being dishonest.

"I- uh- um- w-well, it's, uh, it is like 4am--" I stammered, trying desperately to find words. "I-I guess 'm sleepin' okay, uh, how're… you doing??"

I have never been a great orator and the list of why that is gets a bit longer with every um and stutter.

Jenna's face bloomed into a gorgeous, open grin.

"I'm on 12-hour overnights right now, so I'm basically at least 60 percent Red Bull at any given time. Everyone okay up there at the House? Last I heard y'all were digging up half the lawn.”

I nodded, unable to keep from grinning. At least this was a subject I could talk to her about without making an absolute ass of myself--

"Yeah! The new girl, Chris, she's gotten Daryl and Roy to help her get the vegetable garden going! It's plenty big enough to take care of all of us, and I worked out a deal with the soup kitchen so that they get any of our excess, once things are running smoothly, and I can use their account to buy from that bulk food program that's usually only open to chari- oop-!" I bit my tongue and cringed. Right. I'm pretty sure that's technically fraud and I just admitted to it in front of-

There was a commotion from the house that snapped me back to attention, and the cops were leading a man out in handcuffs. He looked pale and shaken, spattered in blood, and not quite… present, like he had just checked out of reality for his own good. That… was a familiar look. I furrowed my brow. He certainly didn't look like a maniacal killer-

"He caught me with his wife," I said. Well. Craig said. I jumped. Jenna jumped. I flushed and covered my mouth reflexively.

"N-no that was him! The victim!" I squeaked. Jenna laughed, a hearty belly laugh, and covered her own mouth, though she was doing a terrible job of hiding her grin.

"I figured! If he caught you with his wife, it would be an upgrade!"

At this point, you could probably fry an egg on my face. Hell, my glasses were starting to fog up-- I stammered for a few moments, trying desperately to find something to say, and it was Craig who saved me, if you could call it that. I was too caught up in my embarrassment and awkwardness to realize how much anger and frustration he was radiating.

"Motherfucker told me he'd have my job! Son of a bitch thinks he can get away with doing this to me, he's gonna fucking pay--"

The oncoming storm crashed over me before I could get a grip on it, and all of a sudden I was lumbering forward, snarling words that weren't my own, and dragging a gardening pickaxe out of my truck -- Craig's truck -- on my way to the man and the cops--

I let out a shriek, in my own voice, feeling the sound cutting my throat raw. I wrested control of my body back with a lurch, falling on my ass in the yard with the force of it while the silvery-blue form of Craig was ejected from my body, screaming obscenities.

I threw my hand forward, fighting for whatever thoughts and words I could find to fix this. I saw Craig right himself and move back towards me, and the first incantation -- if you could call it that -- that my brain grasped left my lips in a single desperate breath, with a dizzying rush of power--

"INTHENAMEOFTHEMOONIBANISHYOU--!!"

The force of the hurried exorcism rushed outward like a sonic boom, strong enough for even the mundanes around me to feel, and Craig's spirit let out a yowl of rage for a brief second before twisting around itself and collapsing in with a sickening crunch, crushing smaller and smaller until it was gone.

I winced -- not my best exorcism. At all.

As the flare of adrenaline dropped almost immediately and I came back to myself properly, I realized -- blurrily, as my glasses had gotten thrown off somewhere -- at least two officers had their weapons half-drawn at me, though they were looking over at where Craig's spirit had disappeared.

I collapsed the rest of the way onto the grass, shaking, and covered my face with my hands, trying with everything within me not to start crying. I should have realized he'd try something like that, why hadn't I been paying attention- I could have been attacked, I could have been arrested, I could have had to watch myself beat a man to death and I- fuck--

The sob that came out was squeaky and pained, and I pressed my hands harder against my face, like that would stop anything else from going wrong. I should have brought someone-- I shouldn't have let him possess me-- I should have been paying more attention--

Warm tears ran from the corners of my eyes, down my cheeks, to pool in my ears, making my already-trembling body shiver harder with the unpleasant sensation. I'd let myself get complacent, hadn't lost control of a possession like that in years, and- I'd almost- fuck--

"Honey, honey, sit up for me. Tabby? C'mon, let's get you up--"

Numbly, I let Jenna help me into a sitting position, where she wrapped a blanket around me and pressed an open bottle of water into my hands.

"Take slow sips. Are you okay? Just shaken?"

I nodded, some part of me grateful that I couldn't quite see her face properly without my glasses, because I didn't want to see what she thought about me after that. She sighed, though, and sounded relieved when she murmured "Good."

My whole body felt like jelly, trembling so hard I could feel the water in the bottle sloshing around, and I kept flashing from too hot to too cold to too hot again, and I couldn't even sort out my thoughts--

Jenna sat down beside me and rubbed my back. If I wasn't having a complete breakdown, I might have enjoyed it.

I don't know how long it took for me to calm down and clear my head, but the car with the other man had left, and the other EMTs had loaded Craig's body into the ambulance while Jenna sat next to me and made sure I was doing okay.

After a while, though, I blinked and shifted my torso, then opened the blanket more and cursed at the bloom of red on my hoodie.

I heard Jenna curse as well as she stood up, but I grabbed her pants leg.

"N-no, 'm okay," I mumbled, and instead of trying to speak more, I reached to pull my hoodie and tank up my stomach to show bruised, but completely unbroken skin, covered in blood, rivulets following my stretch marks and making it look even worse despite my being otherwise completely uninjured. "See, 'm okay." This was not the first time I've had a possession lead to the dead's cause of death showing on my own body. It wasn't even the bloodiest.

Jenna sat back down, and I could see her leaning in a bit.

"Well damn. Magic ghost stuff, huh?"

I nodded.

"Magic ghost stuff."

I could see the flash of white against dark skin as she grinned.

"So that exorcism… Artemis or Usagi?"

It took me a moment to parse her.question, but all of a sudden I was completely back to myself, just in time to absolutely die of embarrassment.

"L-listen, I- y-you can exorcise i-in anyone's name, i-it's the power and conviction that counts--!!"

"Usagi, then." I could hear the laughter in her voice, laughter that bubbled out moments later. I wanted to crawl in a hole in embarrassment, but- it didn't feel like condescending laughter. I knew what that felt like. She seemed just genuinely amused. "I grew up with Sailor Moon, too."

I couldn't stop the squeak that eaked out, and I covered my face again.

"G-god I hope word about this doesn't get out, people already think I-I'm weird enough, and to- to fall back on anime for magic i-in a pinch is just--"

"Cute," Jenna finished.

I squeaked.

Jenna moved away for a moment, and then she settled my glasses on my nose. I couldn't make eye contact, but I did glance over at her and sheepishly murmur my thanks.

"The officers still want a statement from you, since you made the call and tried to go after the perp, but I don't think they're looking at any charges, given…" Jenna trailed off and looked over at where Craig had disappeared. "...yeah."

I nodded, slowly, and then found myself yawning, the adrenaline drop setting in especially hard.

"...d'you think it can wait 'til tomorrow… 've kinda had a rough night."

"I think they'll be okay with that."

[timextoxhajima]

Not For Sale: Week 14

NOT FOR SALE CHAPTER NAVIGATION

Member: Heeseung + Jay [ft. Sunghoon and Jake]

Pairings: [fem] uni exchange student! reader x uni student! HS x uni student! Jay

Genres: Fluff | Slice of Life | Comedy | Angst | Teenage Romance | Thriller

Warnings: scenes in the hospital

Word Count: 3k

Synopsis/Quote: In which your oblivious ass cannot tell that a popular boy in your class has a big, fat crush on you | “It seems like the one who was ruined was me.”

Taglist: @hyunjaethereal @seasideheeseung @wooya1224 @gratefulmaria @sunshineshouchan @youreverydayzebra @fayqj @witheeseung @haechanhues @w-o-o-y-a-a @miingxuxi @reallysmolrenjun @hrrhmay-primaryblog @rosie112703 @ac-ewow @liliansun​​ [drop me a dm/ask/comment to be added!]

You’re staring at the project document blankly, the pages filled with words and tables of the work you’ve done with Heeseung in the last few weeks or so. The weekend felt like three weeks, even when it was just three days - simply because you were in the hospital watching Jay flit in and out of consciousness and Heeseung’s still in a comatose state. 

The seat next to you is empty and there is no other word to describe being alone on your last week of school than ‘sad’. 

The Uber that picked Jay and Heeseung up had just been in school compounds and the police had found a rig in the brakes - the Uber had been stopped by another car driving straight into it.

Heeseung was on the side the car was rammed into. It’s a miracle he’s even still alive. 

“y/n?” 

The call jolts you out of your dissociation.

“Hey,” The professor walks up the stairs, and only now do you realise everybody else had left the lecture hall besides you. “I had the others hand up their projects but I saw you zoning out and I couldn’t do it.”

“Sorry,” Mumbling under your breath, you give the folder a quick flip-through before handing him the document. “Here.”

With pursed lips, he takes the folder and glances through it, skimming through the contents and pausing on the last page where you and Heeseung had signed off on. 

“I’m sorry it happened.”

“I’m sorry the school had to go through so much to catch the idiot,” Through gritted teeth, you offer him a small wince. 

“Well, yeah, that too,” The professor pulls up the lecture table from the seat next to you and sits himself in the plastic grove. “But it’s not important now. He’s going to be charged for God knows how many felonies, but I just- I wanted to know how you’re holding up.”

The concerned question thrums chills through you. Heeseung would’ve asked that. Jay would’ve too.

Jake and Sunghoon have probably tried, but you’re too busy crying or zoning out at the hospital to process anything else even if they did try. 

“I’m fine,” You shake your head and stuff your iPad into your bag. “There’s nothing anybody can do to make him wake up faster.”

“I know that. It’s just... I don’t want a student ending her semester like this.”

The grumble of the zip as you close your bag is disgustingly loud in the empty lecture hall. You hug your bag, slowly looping your arm through one of the holes as you push the lecture table away. 

“I’ll be fine. I’m leaving next week anyway and Heeseung’s not dead, so.”

The professor goes quiet upon the declaration. 

“Thanks for the fun sem, Prof,” You give him a tiny, wretched smile that’s not genuine at all, lifting a leg over the backrest of the seat in front of you. “I’ll tell my dad to say hi to you every now and then.”

Finally on both your feet one row before him, he looks at you with sad, tired eyes. 

“It’s been a pleasure having you and Heeseung as students, y/n. Do come back to visit when you come visit your father.”

A bare nod shakes your head.

“Bye prof.”

The ceiling looks the same. The light dangling from the beige, crusty roof looks dusty.

The room looks the same - except the fact that 80% of it were in boxes now. The clock hung on the wall has the loudest ticking you’ve ever heard - had it been this loud since the start?

Bzzzzt. Bzzzzzzzt. Bzzz-

“Hello.”

“Jesus Christ, how many times do you want me to call you before you’d pick up?”

Maybe until Heeseung wakes up.

“You know what? Don’t answer that.”

A pause.

“How are you holding up?”

“Great. I mean the sem’s over. I’ve handed up almost every project I need to submit.”

“Fuck you, you know I don’t mean that.”

“What am I supposed to tell you? I’m great, while I wait for my two friends to recover in the hospital? One of them’s not even awake.”

“I don’t want to be that person but no matter how much you cry or pray that he wakes up, it’s going to take time, okay? Let him rest and recuperate and he’ll spring back to life like he wasn’t just in an accident.”

“I shouldn’t have let them take the Uber.”

“For crying out loud, it is not your fault. You told them your dad was coming to get you and Jay didn’t want to cancel it for the fee. It’s a normal reaction. Who was supposed to know the Uber was rigged?”

You blink. 

“Have you packed?”

You count the boxes in your room. “Mostly.”

“I’ll be at your place when you come home. We can bake cupcakes and cookies and you can tell me about the school there.”

Your ears are taking in her words but your eyes are on the paper bag on your desk. It’s the tumbler that Jay got you. 

“Hello? You there?”

“Byeol, what if they don’t wake up before I leave? I have 8 days.”

“Have some faith in them, would you? Jay’s already awake right? He’s just flitting in and out of consciousness and Heeseung... They haven’t said he’s in critical condition, right?”

“But he’s been in the ER and it’s been three days.”

“Sis, I could sleep for three days. He’ll be awake before you leave.”

“Hope so.”

“Not going to the hospital?”

“Nah,” You roll over onto your side and stare at yourself in the mirror on your wardrobe doors. “Their friends are swarming the wards. It’s fine, Jake and Hoon got me onto the special visitors’ list.”

“There’s a special visitors’ list?”

“It’s Jay and it’s an expensive hospital with classier management. So yeah, pretty much.”

“That’s nice.”

Silence - except the occasional crackling of the static on the phone. 

“They’ll do fine, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I have to go now. I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow, I’ll text you?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye bye.”

The car ride with your father is quiet, the gentle music from the stereo playing and you’re thinking about how your mother is back at home. She is a busy woman back home too so you hadn’t really had the time to call or text her.

For the first time in a long time, your father knows more about your life than she does. 

“I know you’re probably not in the mood to answer this but...” The car slows at a red light. “Have you started packing?”

You don’t turn. The trees outside are swaying gently in the light breeze on this sunny day. It reminds you of the day Heeseung brought you out to the beach for your picnic. 

“I’m about 80% done. The stuff left’s like my laptop and iPad and daily appliances.”

“That’s good,” You see him nod in the window’s reflection and glance at you. “Well, I’ll come by and hand you the documents for credit transfer later this week and I’ll send you to the bus terminal next Wednesday too, yeah?”

“Mhm,” Humming to yourself, the refracted red light turns green. “Sure.”

The car starts again. “Hun, I... I just wanted you to know that I know this sem has been difficult for you. I’m- I’m sorry that I suggested you come. Had I known that there was going to be a lunatic running on the loose, I would’ve stopped you from coming.”

“You wouldn’t have known,” You mumble, but still loud enough for him to hear. “It’s fine, it’s over.”

“And with what happened with Jay and Heeseung... I’m sorry. I really am.”

“They would’ve gotten caught up in this crazy shitfest with the psycho anyway, regardless of my presence,” Finally turning to look at your father, he side-eyes you while keeping his hands on the steering wheel. “It’s not anybody’s fault except that psycho’s that this happened.”

Your father remains quiet, unable to respond. The car drives into the sheltered drop-off point at the hospital and he watches you unbuckle the seat belt to let yourself out the car.

“Hey.”

You sling your bag over your shoulder and rest a hand on the car door. 

“They’ll be okay.”

A weak smile pulls your lips up your cheeks. 

“I hope so.”

By the time you’ve reached the floor where the wads were, you’ve run into a good number of their friends. Of course, there were one or two bad apples among the bunch, but most of them knew you were on a special visitors’ list and that’s why you came so late. 

It never gets easier though, the look on their faces when you know they want to tell you that they’ll be okay, but promises should not be made if they cannot be kept.

Walking into Jay’s ward, you see his mother helping to sponge his face while Jake and Sunghoon speak to a friend on the other side of the bed. 

You catch the room’s attention when you pull the plastic bag out from your bag and let the door shut behind you, Jay’s mother looking up and offering you a tired smile. 

“Oh, hey,” Jake grins and beckons you over. 

“Hi Mrs Park,” You gesture to Jake to wait before holding out the plastic bag to Jay’s mother. “It’s a box of tonic for you and Mr Park. Thought of getting fruits but I don’t think Jay can have them yet.”

“Gosh, you really didn’t have to,” She shakes her head and sets the cloth down by the bed. “Thank you. Are you sure you’re okay, coming to visit so often? You’re here everyday, aren’t you?”

You return her a tight, pursed smile. “Yeah, but it’s fine. I’m leaving to go home next week so I don’t have much time left to spend with them. I don’t mind.”

“Oh, honey,” She stands and takes the box from you, turning to set it down on the table behind her before returning you her attention. “I... I don’t know what to say. This must be all a lot for you.”

You break the eye contact first, knowing that you were probably going to cry if you hadn’t stopped looking at her.

“No, it’s fine,” You raise a palm and rub her upper arm. “All I want is to have a decent conversation with Jay before I leave, and I’ll be more than satisfied.”

“Oh!” She exclaims, nose crunching into a threatened crying mess. She holds her arms open and coerces you into her arms, patting the back of your head. “Of course. Of course, Jay will be fine by the time you need to go home. I promise.”

“I really do hope so,” You pull away first and smile weakly at her.

“By the way, Mr and Mrs Lee are with Heeseung in the ward next door,” She sniffles, anxiously rubbing her palms together.

“Oh, right- Do they know I’m on the-”

“Yes, of course they do, sweet heart,” She quickly rubs your arm to comfort you, then slides her hands down to yours to keep them in her palms. “Their parents are the sweetest couple ever and they’d be so grateful that Heeseung has a friend like you. How about I have Jake or Sunghoon bring you over to meet them?”

“Oh,” You watch as she waves to get one of the boys’ attention, Sunghoon quickly pulling away from the crowd to attend to you. 

“Would you do me a favour and bring her over to Heeseung’s ward? Introduce her to his parents.”

“Of course,” Sunghoon hurriedly nods and lowers his head out of respect. “Come on.”

“Thanks, Mrs Park,” You turn your feet to follow Sunghoon, but your hands are reluctant to leave hers. “I’ll come back later.”

“No, take your time, sweet.”

With a slight nod, you pull away and trail after Sunghoon out of the ward after leaving your bag with Jake.

The ward door closes with a soft hiss, then Sunghoon pauses right before you can come into view of Heeseung’s ward door, turning over his shoulder to look down at you. 

“I don’t mean to bring this up at a bad time but...”

“I know,” You nod. “I know I’ve been an ass the last few weeks. Honestly, I... I didn’t know who I wanted to be endgame either.”

Sunghoon gives your word one more second of thought before he turns around to face you. 

“It’s not my business but are you going to choose? Or... just go home next week?”

You frown and look down at your hands, reminiscing the warmth from Jay’s mother.

“I don’t know,” Your voice cracks. “I don’t think I can choose. Even if I do, I have 8 days, and neither of them are awake yet. I don’t... I don’t want to do that to them.”

He takes a deep breath and looks away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“It’s Heeseung. Choose Heeseung,” He says without looking at you. “The night they got into a crash, Jay texted Jake to tell us that Heeseung kissed you, and that was the moment he decided he would give up.”

The statement tears you apart on the inside. 

“Jay’s a tough guy to hurt and he plays his cards fairly and maturely,” Sunghoon nods and finally looks at you. “Don’t feel bad you’re choosing Heeseung over him. He had a truce with Heeseung. About you. And he knows he lost fair and square, so don’t feel upset. Just pour your heart and soul into Heeseung for the rest of the time you’re here, and worry about committing anything else after you’ve gone home.”

You part your lips to breathe, as if it would help you understand any faster or better.

“Anyway, both Heeseung’s parents are in there and they already have an idea who you are so... Just be nice.”

He watches you nod, slightly zoned-out, then pushes the door open. 

His parents can tell you’re more preoccupied with the limp, breathing body on the bed than their presence, but they still take it with grace and greet you like they’ve known you your entire life.

The sight of Heeseung being bandaged up with a leg hanging in the air makes you feel like shit.

Who wouldn’t?

Later in the night, after Heeseung’s mother had gone home and his father had left to get coffee, you’re left alone with him and the occasional beeping from the Holter monitor. 

There was a bruise and scratch on his left cheek, and his neck, arms and right leg were in a cast. You think about how much he was going to miss dancing when he gets told he’ll need to be on a 6-month break from anything strenuous. 

Tired, you pull your earpieces out and plug it into your phone, laying it on the bed while you hover over him to fit the earbuds into his ears. Then you sit back down and scroll through your playlist, playing with the volume buttons to make sure it was softer than the volume you’d normally listen to your music at. 

You make your selection, then quietly lay on the mattress with the faint music drizzling the atmosphere’s noise. That’s how quiet the room was. 

His fingers were sticking out of his cast, so you play with them. His hair was in his shut eyes, so you gently push them out in case he were to open them. 

“One more time, Heeseung. Just one more time before I leave.”

Jay’s mother was sleeping by his bed when you walk in to check on them, bag hanging from your right shoulder and lids heavy from the terrible sleep schedule the past few days. 

“Hi.”

And a smile stretches your lips out when you can see him blink, offer you his bright grin, apart from the cut on his eyebrow.

“Hey,” You whisper, walking towards him on the other side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

Jay clears his throat and blinks. “Had better days, but at least I’m alive.”

A snigger threatens to wake his mother up. “Good. Do you want me to wake your mom up? Maybe get a doctor in to give you a check up or something.”

He shakes his head, even managing a small wave in his fingers laying by his hip. “No, I’m good. I’m going back to sleep soon anyway.”

You lean over and adjust his pillow. “Well, then I shan’t disturb you. I’ll come by again tomorrow.”

“Sure,” He looks up at you and nods. Your gazes meet, for a split second, he can kind of know what you’re thinking of, and you know what he was. 

“Thank you for this sem, Jay. I really am.”

He shakes his head. “No, thank you. It was a fun sem because of you.”

“You call being in a hospital ward fun?”

Chuckling, he turns back to look at the ceiling for a second. “You will come back to visit us, won’t you? Zoom call us or something.”

“Of course. We could meet up during the summer break if anything.”

Satisfied, he nods again. “Good.”

“Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” You shove your hands into your pockets. 

“Okay,” He quietly responds, watching you turn on your heels. “Oh, y/n.”

You turn and raise a brow.

“Heeseung. He’s the one for you, and... he’ll wake up for you. I know he will.”

With a slightly ached grin, you nod and look down at your feet. 

“Bye Jay.”

“Bye.”

[from-a-reckless-writer]

as a prompt: these stupid hats w lena, kara, and alex respectively

disclaimer: i wrote this at 12:30 am running on the sugar high of an ice cold ovaltine drink topped with salted caramel ice cream that tastes more like salt than caramel and all of this was written without proofreading and prior research, so...read at your own risk. 

Alex wanted to burn the picture. She wanted it out of her sight. She wanted to see it up in flames until it has disintegrated into a million pieces. But...Kelly said she can’t. So, there on the mantel above the fireplace of their home stands a framed picture—a stupid picture, in Alex’s perspective—with Kara grinning in the middle, Lena on her left wearing a shy smile, and Alex wearing the biggest scowl on her face, arms crossed as Kara slung both arms around her and Lena. The three of them wearing the most stupid caps in the history of stupid caps.

See, there’s a story behind said stupid caps with the stupid captions on them. It was Nia who gave them the stupid caps. Two weeks after Alex told them the story...

A story Alex wishes no older sister ever has the tragedy of experiencing.

It started with a phone call in the middle of the night, as every good tragedy story starts with.

Kelly shakes her awake, "Babe, your phone s'ringing," she slurs sleepily. The shrill ringing finally breaking through Alex's sleepy stupor.

Who the fuck calls at 2 am? It was an unknown number which made Alex's heart rate speed. Oh God, what if something’s happened to their mother?

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Alexandra Danvers?"

It was too formal for a call in the middle of the night. Oh God, it's a hospital isn't it? Oh fuck, fuck, fuck—

"Uh, yes, yes this is Danvers, speaking."

She tries to keep the panic in control. 

"Ms. Danvers, this is Officer Brooke of NCPD, your sister, Kara Danvers, is now currently detained in our precinct for—"

Alex mind decided to dissociate the moment she heard the words; public indecency, bail and misdemeanor. 

“Thank you for informing me, officer. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Because, WHAT THE FUCK? 

You know that moment when something just shitty happens, and your body just goes into robot mode? Alex searching her bag and wrangling for her keys is what wakes Kelly up. 

"Alex? What are you doing? Where are you going?"

How do you tell your girlfriend that your sister and her girlfriend couldn't keep it in their pants, and now, she has to bail them out for acting like two horny teenagers?

Good God, this is a PR disaster, if one—just one paparazzi—caught wind that Lena Luthor is sitting in a cell right now, with about five other drunks and one kid whose pushing drugs, the media would have a field day. 

“Uhm, I have to go get Kara from a precinct. It’s a long story, babe. Go sleep. I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“Oh my god, precinct? What happened? Is she okay?”

Kelly bless her heart, was concerned about her sister’s wellbeing. Meanwhile, all Alex wants to do was punch the shit out of her. Never mind the fact that it would probably harm Alex more than Kara, but she’s fucking pissed. This is so stupid, of all the fucking bad decisions that would land Kara Danvers in jail, it’s public sex.

She doesn’t need this shit. 

“She’s okay, don’t worry,” Alex utters, thinking, Well, she isn’t gonna be okay once I’m done with her. 

“Go back to sleep, promise it’s nothing big. I gotta go now.”

***

“Alex!" Kara exclaims, behind bars. That's a sentence she'll never thought she'd associate with Kara. "Thank Rao, you’re here, we--”

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE BOTH OF YOU—" Alex pauses mid-yell, when she sees Lena stumble behind Kara, "Are you drunk?!!” 

“Oh my God, I swear to God, I’m going to die early because of your bullshit.”

Alex played the “I have the number of the Chief of Police and I can get your badge suspended since I am also the Director of a covert government agency, if you do not give me my sister and her girlfriend, right this instant” card. And now, she’s faced with a blushing Kara and an apparently still very drunk, very disheveled looking Lena Luthor. 

“We’re sorry!!”

“Oh, oh you better fucking be sorry, you’re telling J’onn I need my brain bleached tomorrow morning. Public indecency for fuck’s sake. You’re a billionaire couldn’t you have just called your driver?!”

“Oh, uhm well, uh we kind of uh I kind of--”

Oh my God, Lena Luthor is into exhibitionism. 

“Fuck. Okay, fine, whatever you’re forgiven I don’t give a shit anymore,just please shut up and please, please do not talk to me for the next 48 hours. Both of you. Understood?”

***

Apparently, Lena dragged Kara to Al’s claiming that, Kara what you need is a good drink. When’s the last time you experienced even a mild buzz?

And so, to the bar they went. Lena sending her driver home for the night, knowing that the both of them would be staying out late, and she can definitely just call an Uber or something, or maybe Kara wouldn’t really get drunk and they can just fly home. 

But none of those happened. Instead, what happened is Kara getting wasted like never before, and Lena going down right along with her. And as usual as things go with these two, an innocent kiss outside the bar quickly escalated into something...more. 

And now, here they were blushing and unable to look Alex in the eye in the back of Kelly’s car. Alex couldn’t exactly pick two drunk women with her bike could she?

She really didn’t know a person can be capable of feeling this much rage and exasperation but apparently, it is so very possible. 

The moment they arrive at Lena’s place, she doesn’t even tell them goodbye or acknowledge their sorry’s and thank you’s, she just stares ahead, knuckles white around the steering wheel as she hears the car door close. 

***

“It’s a very funny picture, Alex,” Kelly whispers in her ear, hugging her from behind as Alex glares at the newly-framed photo. 

“That wasn’t a fun night, and this isn’t a funny photo. It’s a traumatic reminder, Kelly.”

“Stop being dramatic. It’s a cute photo. Nia really captured the essence, you know?”

Kelly lets out a laugh at Alex’s knitted eyebrows, once she spins around in her arms to face her. 

“They better call Nia the next time they get arrested.”

“You think there’s gonna be a next time?”

“Kelly, it’s Kara and Lena. There’s gonna be a next time.”

[thebigoblin]

Sterek Fic Recs Part 3

[You can find the first two lists here: Fluffy Sterek Recs & Sterek Fic Recs. Also here's a special fic, check it out]

First off, thank you all for a 100 followers!! As of September 7, 2021 you've made me feel really, really good about my obsession with two oblivious idiots (with sprinkles of the hale pack and other fandoms), and this is my way of thanking you ♥️

If you're on PC, you can see that there is a page dedicated solely to fic recs, which caters to other ships & fandoms too. So don't feel left out if you're looking for something other than Sterek!

Without further ado, let's get to it then!

an awful curse

Isaac is asleep in a chair. The angle of his neck makes Derek wince in sympathy.

"Isaac," Derek says.

Isaac snaps awake immediately.

"You're-"

"Where's Stiles?"

"Stiles?" Isaac asks.

Jesus. It's not like they know more than one.

AU - Canon Divergence | 6.3k | By blinkiesays

Throw Away The Key

Stiles knew it was stupid to go to the hunters’ headquarters all by himself, so when he finds himself caught, he can really only blame himself.

It shouldn't surprise Stiles when the situation quickly goes from bad to worse as the hunters throw him to a feral werewolf waiting to tear him apart.

Sucks that it's Derek, though.

AU - Canon Divergence | 5.9k | By mommymuffin

Whatever Happened Last Night, Why Did Glitter Have to Be Involved?

Derek rolled out of bed in search of his phone - quickly finding it in the pair of jeans that had evidently been tossed aside haphazardly on the way to the bed. Seeing the pants sparked flashes of memories - wolfsbane-laced alcohol, loud music, multicolored lights.

Peter’s new supernatural-friendly club - the pack had gone to the opening night party.

He unlocked his phone and opened the pack group chat, which Erica had affectionately named ‘Moon Sluts’.

>>Derek: What the fuck happened last night

[or: Derek wakes up with three things on his mind: he feels like he was punched by a troll, his mate is missing, and there's glitter covering his bed. Oh, and the pack group chat is mildly helpful]

**

Prompt #159 - “Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.”

Crack Vibes | 1.2k | By ash_mcj

Good to Eat

So if Stiles married Derek Hale, he could become Jewish too? Perfect. It was settled. Stiles gleefully shoveled a forkful of cheesy shells into his mouth.

"Uh oh. I know that look.” Claudia shook her head.

"Don’t worry, Mom, ” Stiles said, reaching for his plastic Batman cup.

"I’ve got a plan.”

"Good luck, Derek Hale,” his mother muttered.

Rude.

AU - Childhood Friends | 1.7k | By Jmeelee

Murder Brows and Avoidance Tactics

Derek gets the wrong end of the stick.

Written for prompt: "You're jealous, aren't you?"

AU - Everybody Lives | 2k | By Dragonink13

Double Vision (only registered users can read this one)

"So what caused my hearing and sense of smell to dull?"

Deaton's brow furrowed, all amusement vanishing from his face. "What do you mean?"

Derek snapped, letting loose all of his anger and fear at the man before him. "I mean I can't hear your heartbeat or the cars down below or the birds in the attic! I can't smell the flowers in Mrs. Everett's apartment, I can't smell the rotting burger in the fridge that Isaac left in there a month ago, I can't smell or hear anything like I normally can!" Deaton mouth was pressed into a thin line. "Can you explain that?!"

 Tumblr Prompt: Derek jealous of himself.

AU - Everyone Lives | 6.1k | By Novkat21

Kiss?

Derek likes kissing Stiles, honestly he does. Until he doesn't.

Fluff | 3.6k | By clotpolesonly

Oblivious Misadventures, and Other Such Tales

Going to college was exciting and new, a chance for new friends and a fresh start, and the best part was, there was a supernatural fraternity on campus, meaning Scott finally had the freedom to be himself.

Then he met the resident human who came with a stalker alpha. What was the point of a supernatural fraternity if he still had to pretend to be human. And seriously, did Stiles ever fall asleep somewhere normal?

--

(aka - Five TImes Scott Found Derek and Stiles Sleeping, and the One Time He Didn't)

AU, Supernatural is real but not known by everyone, Alive Hale Family | 11.2k | By Little Spoon

Call Me (Cliché)

When the sheriff's sister ends up in a wheelchair for the duration of summer, Stiles' dreams of three months full of pack bonding, late-night video games and bro-time with Scott come crashing down. He's temporarily relocated to Redford, a three hour drive away, and he can already tell he won't be getting many visitors.

Sure the pack will forget about him while he's gone, Stiles is determined to make the most of his summer of isolation, training his body and mind - and his magic - so he can come back with a bang, and maybe catch a certain Sourwolf's eye.

Then Derek shows up at his window one night with a flimsy excuse about needing research done. Suddenly, his summer away is looking a whole lot more interesting.

AU - Canon Divergence | 84.6k | By Orphan_Account aka the author has dissociated themselves from the fic

Shiver

Stiles has really, really cold hands. Luckily, Derek knows just what to do about that.

Established Relationship | 1.7k | By canistakahari

Derek Hale's Possible Heart

An anon sent me a sterek prompt for Laura teasing Derek and Stiles joining in, then somehow sharing their feelings for each other in the mess of things.

AU - Canon Divergence | 4.3k | By loserchildhotpants

What's a Secret Identity?

Stiles sipped at a mug of coffee, absently watching the news play in the break room. Because of course a news station couldn't play anything other than its own content, even in the one part of the office that was supposed to be a safe space from work. His interview with Superman was making a rerun and Stiles glanced at Derek before commenting absently, “I’d totally let Superman fuck me.”

Derek, who had been in the middle of a swig of coffee, choked violently, “That’s not something I needed to know at nine in the morning, Stiles.”

Stiles raised an eyebrow. “What time would you prefer I tell you about all of the things I would let Superman do to my body?”

AU, Derek is Superman | 7k | By Chrystie, imabignerd and kate882

i see that you've come so far [just like them old stars]

But her big brother’s unwillingness to touch anyone, like he thinks he doesn’t deserve it isn’t the only thing she notices. She also notices how Stiles doesn’t touch him.

Everyone reaches for Derek in some form or another, but Stiles- Stiles is something different altogether because he reaches for Derek but he never makes contact.

He’ll be trying to shimmy past Derek and instead of putting a hand on his arm like most of them do, he’ll reach out with a hand and stop it scant centimeters away from Derek’s skin.

Or they’ll be walking alongside each other and Stiles will hover a hand on Derek’s lower back.

It’s both fascinating and tragic to watch, like NASA lost control of one of their robots and instead of it landing on the moon it’s fated to gravitate around it.

AU - Canon Divergence | 2.3k | By crossroadswrite

Déjà Vu

There’s a shop in Beacon Hills that no one knows anything about except that the mysterious proprietor, a witch in whispered circles, knows what you need before you do and that the things given are always just what you need.

Derek, lost after a breakup, heads into the shop to see if he can find something to help him forget his ex. The witch gives him a potion to drink, and when Derek wakes up, he finds he’s sixteen again and there’s a new student at his school, Stiles Stilinski.

Everything is familiar and yet not, and Derek finds he’s strangely drawn to Stiles in a way that is entirely supernatural.

AU, Supernatural is Real | 8.8k | By gremlins-came-and-got-me and StaciNadia

Start Small, Like Oak Trees

The months following Allison's death have passed Stiles by in a haze of monotony. He sleepwalks through days that seem to lose their color, an unwilling passenger in a body he no longer trusts. Eventually, he thinks, he'll just fade away. He isn't sure anyone would notice. Then, during a spur of the moment grocery run, he stumbles upon Derek Hale attempting to console a lost child, and for the first time in recent memory the world doesn't seem so awful.

He's not sure what he'd been expecting when he eventually convinces Derek to move into the Stilinski's spare bedroom, but a newfound passion for weeding and topsoil certainly isn't it.

AU - Canon Divergence | 24.2k | By SmallBirds

Undercover K9

As it usually goes, Derek acts before he thinks. This time he has a good reason, though-it's all Stiles' fault. Mostly.

Or, that time when Derek volunteered to spend all his spare time as a wolf with the Beacon Hills Sheriff's Office K9 Unit, just to protect Stiles' dumb ass.

Future Fic | 17.9k | By Cobrilee

Rose Colored Glasses

“Obviou—um, what? Derek?” Stiles managed. “What? You’re not colorblind. You’re colorblind?”

“Yes.” Derek said gruffly. “And?”

“And? What do you mean and? You can’t see colors?” Stiles demanded, thrown. “Does it—what kind is it? Red-green? Blue-yellow? Why doesn’t—oh my god, is this why your entire freaking wardrobe was completely black until like two years ago? Oh my god!”

“There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite color, Stiles.”

Established Relationship | 2.2k | By SassyStarboard

1,460 Days (gotta clean my slate)

Two years after Scott becomes Alpha and Derek gives it up for Cora, Stiles gets hurt during a fight and ends up in a coma for two weeks. According to the nurse, a guy has been visiting him every day and, as much as he wishes it were Derek, it sounds a lot like Scott. Except he and Scott aren't even friends anymore.

AU - Canon Divergence | 10k | By army_of_angels

This is it for now. Happy reading y'all! ♥️