#and i hate third wheeling so badly

[depthnessingsweet]

.

[baelavelaryon]

made this template for my courier and her lame-ass boyfriend. (everybody better clap and cheer for him or she WILL blow up this whole building. she's got explosives as a tagged skill)

[fingertipsmp3]

Guess who fucked up her knee again??? And AT WORK no less

[editor-who]

DATING PYRO - X-Men HeadCannons

(also if this isn't amazing or the spelling is off, I'm sorry I wrote it when I was half asleep)

General HC:

°Had a rough family life / doesn't get along well with them (hence when he sees Bobby has a loving healthy family dynamic he stares at their photo)

°Probably finds mini ways to annoy Bobby and rogue especially when they're being all lovey dovey

°feels like a third wheel and sometimes just chooses to sit alone away from them

°he'd go to the gym to let his anger out

°he hates to ask for help, HATES it. He hates relying on others because he doesn't want to seem weak or rely on someone who will end up hurting him or not even helping him.

So

Dating HC:

°He gives big hugs, even if he pretends he isn't a fan of hugs or physical touch (he secretly loves it)

°theres nothing more that he'd like to do then cuddle up on the sofa or his bed in pjs and warm you up.

°he is very much a loner so you two will sit alone from most people, he knows all the good hiding spots, all the quiet spots where no one is.

°He often has nightmares about his powers failing him or him failing or not being good enough (regarding his mutant powers), he may also have nightmares of past missions and also his family life. He hates to admit when it happens but he wakes up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. He dissociates for a bit unable to calm himself down. You notice immediately and comfort him. His breathing would calm down and he'd be thankful and eventually open up about it, BUT only to you and you alone.

°He'd tease or make fun of you a lot

°he'd mark his territory, he gets jealous easily and would definitely leave hickeys on your neck so everyone knows your his. He wouldn't be too possessive but would certainly get jealous of other men or worried that they'd try to hit on you. He does trust you around other men, it's more he doesn't trust them around you.

°When doing training (specifically the simulation) if he was against you he'd purposefully try to flaunt and show off his powers. He wouldn't go easy on you but simultaneously wouldn't hurt you badly. Instead of knocking you out he'd pin you against the wall until you can't escape, that's how he wins. Perfect chance to show everyone that you two are together but it's also rivalrious but intimate too. He'd lean in really closely so your lips were almost touching.

[starlightrosa]

Blitz's Mistake

Set after Apology Tour because that episode made me sad, and I needed to get this out to combat the sads.

Summary: Blitz is falling down a hole of self-hate again. It's up to Moxxie and Millie to pull him out before he goes too deep. And while the method they use is unconventional, it's not like Blitz minds.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Lotsa swearing (it's Blitzo c'mon) Apology Tour spoilers (don't read if you've not seen the episode) general depression things throughout but with fluff obviously :3

Enjoy <3

“Fuck, Fizz was right… I’m gonna die alone, aren’t I?”

“Do you have any kind of remorse for what you do?”

“Of course, Blitz, this would be your fault!"

The negative thoughts swirled around Blitz’s head without relenting once, the poor imp in utter turmoil. He had fucked up. He had fucked up so badly, even as he slammed his head into the van’s horn with a loud BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

He just wanted to go home. Tears rolled down the imp’s scarred face as his hands shakily gripped the wheel, and he rubbed the crystal on his arm, the harsh reminder of Stolas literally a part of him.

“Fuck… I’m such a screw-up. Fuck this party. Fuck everything, fuck everyone!” Blitz growled, slamming his foot on the accelerator as the imp drove, recklessly blazing through the portal and back into Hell. Once he reached the headquarters of I.M.P, he pushed roughly past Moxxie, sending papers flying out of his hands and slammed the door of his office. Blitz flopped onto his office chair, slamming his head against the desk, his horns scraping the surface of the wood.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Blitz yelled from within. His anger gave way to utter desperation and misery, and the imp covered his face, weeping quietly. For the love of Satan, why did he have to suck at relationships? He’d ruined everything…

“Blitz?” came the voice of Moxxie, as the freckled imp approached. Blitz groaned softly, giving his head another hard whack on the desk. Moxxie gasped and grabbed Blitz’s head to stop him before Blitz could get the chance to smash his head on the desk a third damn time.

“Don’t do that, sir! You’re gonna hurt yourself!”

“Fucking good. Look, if you came in here to say that you want a pay rise, Moxx, it’s not fucking happening.” Blitz shot back, his eyes a bit dizzy from the force of his head being smashed against the desk. Moxxie sighed, as he gently placed the papers on Blitz’s desk.

“What happened, Blitz?” Moxxie asked. Blitz just immediately deflated. He placed his head in his hands, mumbling quietly.

“Fucked up with Stolas… I fucked up so bad, Moxxie.” Blitz whispered. Moxxie sighed. Blitz had his faults. He had a lot of faults. But Moxxie knew that Blitz meant well in his intentions, even if they didn’t exactly come off the way he desired them to.

“Do you wanna talk about it, Blitz? Might make you feel better.”

“Fuck, no. No, I don’t want to be reminded. Just… need to forget. Preferably with alcohol or something.” Blitz murmured.

“Blitz, drowning yourself in booze will not help this.” Moxxie said. Blitz waved him off.

“It will if I try hard enough. Fuck… please just leave me alone, Moxxie…”

“No way. Hang on, Blitz. Millie, honey! Come in here a second!” Moxxie called.

“Moxxie, darlin’? What’s- oh, Blitz! What happened?” the Wrath imp asked as she walked into the office, to see Blitz moping at his desk and Moxxie trying to console him. But clearly Moxxie was not going to get anywhere with it.

“He’s moping because he, quote, ‘fucked up with Stolas.’ Is there any way to cheer him up?” Moxxie explained. Millie thought for a bit, but then a mischievous smile graced her face.

“Well, I s’pose I could do what I do to you when you’re upset, Moxx~”

“Millie, Moxxie is your pegging toy, not me.” Blitz mumbled, his tail lashing. He didn’t hear anything in response, so he looked up. The door was open and Moxxie and Millie were gone. Blitz groaned and banged his head hard into the desk yet again.

“Fuckin’ gone and done it again, haven’t you, Blitz? You’re shit at this stuff. Why did I ever try and-?”

And that was when Blitz felt a tingling on his sides. He gasped and lurched back, only to be met with the grinning face of Moxxie above him. The freckled imp grabbed Blitz’s hands and hoisted them above his head, while Millie worked Blitz’s belly with her little fingers skating over every tickle spot Blitz knew he had. The normally tough-talking imp was reduced to a puddle of laughter in seconds.

“Nohohohoho! M-Millie! Millie, you fuhuhuhuckin’ dihihihiHIHICK!” Blitz laughed, his legs twitching as he fought not to kick out. He didn’t want to hurt Millie.

Moxxie fake gasped. “That is no way to talk to my wife! Apologise!”

“N-Nehehever! NOHOHO, FUCK!” Blitz cried out, Millie refusing to let up. The husband and wife duo shared a devious smirk with each other. And then Moxxie said the words that Blitz was hoping he wouldn’t.

“Get the spikes on his back, Millie.”

“Your wish is my command, Moxxie. Get ready, Blitz~!”

“MIHIHILLIE, DOHOHON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT- AAAAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! MIHIHILLIE, MOHOHOXXIE, STAHAHAP!” Blitz shrieked, feeling them tickle his back spikes.

“I’m not even tickling you, Blitz. That’s all Millie. I’m just keeping you still. You can get out, surely.” Moxxie stated, but he knew the taller imp had no chance of getting out. Not against the total tickle monster (er, imp) that was Millie.

“FEELS- GAHAHA! FUCK! I-It feels weheheheird!” Blitz giggled, shuffling his legs. He was trying so hard not to kick Millie.

“Feels weird, Blitz? Hmm, I don’t think that’s the word, sugar. I think the word is ‘tickle’. Wouldn’t you agree, Moxx?” Millie crooned.

“Oh, I definitely would, Millie. Shy or something, Blitz? Or is it possibly… that Mister Mopey here can’t say the word tickle?” Moxxie added.

“Fu- AHAHA! F-Fuck you both!” Blitz snickered, his squirming increasing with each tickle.

“You should really let yaself laugh more, Blitz. It’s very adorable.” Millie said, coming out from the desk. She used this time to migrate her tickles down to Blitz’s belly, relishing in the snorting giggles she pulled from her normally emotionally unavailable boss.

“I am nohohot adorable!” Blitz babbled, finally kicking his legs now that Millie wasn’t at risk of being hit. But Blitz could never last tickling for very long. Stolas used to do it unintentionally when they laid together after their ‘arrangement’ was done. And Blitz didn’t want to lose moments like that. For now, he took this distraction and let himself be tickled silly.

“G-Guys, plehehease. Ehehenough.” Blitz quietly begged after about ten minutes. Sweat beaded his forehead. Satan’s beard, whoever the hell said that tickling wasn’t a good workout were liars.

Moxxie and Millie looked at each other and then they nodded. Millie moved away from tickling Blitz, and Moxxie gently let go of Blitz’s arms.

“Chin up, Blitz. This kinda stuff will work out eventually.” Millie reassured. Moxxie nodded alongside her.

“Yeah. You both need to work on yourselves, but I think you two can make it. True love is true love, and it comes whenever you need it to.”

“You’re watching too many Disney movies, Moxx.” Blitz murmured. But he knew Moxxie was right.

“What was that, sir?” Moxxie asked, his fingers twitching as he slowly walked towards Blitz. Blitz giggled weakly and threw his hands up to defend himself.

“Hehehe, fuck no! Not again, haha!”

Moxxie laughed too. “Just kidding, Blitz.”

“Ugh, Satan’s balls, you got me good. But- ugh. But once I get my energy back, I’m gonna wreck you little shits until you can’t breathe.” Blitz threatened light-heartedly.

Moxxie and Millie shared a satisfied smirk as they both left. Blitz watched them leave, and he leant back in his chair with a grin on his face. Maybe Moxxie and Millie were right. Maybe once he fixed everything that was wrong with him… maybe deep down behind the hatred for himself, there was an imp that Stolas could think was worth loving again.

The End!

[sleepybabybees]

Time for more shenanigans because I enjoy doing these-

Honestly- expect everyone at this point-

---

Price: Are you a painting?

Nik: What-?

Price: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Graves: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

---

Price: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Price: Graves is still mad about it, but me and Nik were drunk and thought it was funny.

---

Price: Are you ready to commit?

Nik: Like, a crime or a relationship?

---

Price: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Laswell: ...I'm gonna kill him-

Nik: katie- no-

---

Laswell: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

---

Laswell: Where the devil is Graves?

Nik: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe he melted?

Price: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

Laswell holding back a laugh: I hate that I found that funny- fuck you-

---

Price: Are you good?

Laswell: In what sense?

Price: Generally.

Laswell: Oh, definitely not.

---

Price: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Price, points at Nik: Married a lesbian.

Price, points at Graves: Left a man at the altar.

Price, points at Ghost: Fell in love with a Scottish soldier

Price, points at Laswell: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Price, points at Soap: Lives in a box!

---

Graves: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Nik: >:O language

Laswell: Yeah watch your fucking language

Ghost: Okay, who taught Laswell the fuck word?!

Price: 'The fuck word'.

Soap: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Laswell: Oh my god they censored it

Price: Say fuck, Soap.

Laswell: Do it, Soap. Say fuck.

---

Ghost: If I fall…

Price: I’ll be there to catch you.

Nik: *looks at Graves* What if I fall?

Graves: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Soap: *watches these two interactions*

Soap, to Laswell: And if I fall?

Laswell: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

---

Nik: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Laswell: No.

Gaz: I did not.

Ghost: I may have actually forgotten one.

Soap: Also no.

Nik: Oh good, neither did I.

Price: *Exhausted sigh*

---

Alex: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Alejandro: No. No, Alex, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Alex calls Farah. Number five: Rudy gets eaten by a shark.

Rudy: I’m Rudy, and I approve the order of that list.

---

Rudy: Farah, I have a couple of words to say to you.

Alex: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”

Alejandro: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

---

Rudy: Those darn tall old people.

Farah: Darn em' indeed.

Alex: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough.

Alejandro: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead.

The Squad:

Alejandro: Hahaha.

Alejandro: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

---

Alejandro: That's ridiculous, Rudy doesn't have a crush on me.

Farah: Yes, he does.

Alex: Yes, he does.

Valeria: Yes, he does.

Rudy: Yes, I do.

---

Alex: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Rudy, exasperated: WHY?!?

Rudy points at Alejandro: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Rudy points at Farah: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Rudy points at Alex: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Rudy: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

---

Rudy: Hey Farah, wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Farah: Sure.

Rudy: Alex! Wanna third wheel on my date with Alejandro tomorrow?

Rudy: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Farah &amp; Alex: ...

Alejandro: Rudy...

---

Alejandro: I love you.

Rudy: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Alejandro and Rudy kiss passionately*

Alex, to Farah: You owe me 20 dollars.

---

Alex: *tapping fingers on table*

Rudy: *taps fingers back furiously*

Farah: …What’s going on?

Alejandro: Morse code. They’re talking.

Alex: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Rudy: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

---

Alejandro: Why are your tongues purple?

Alex: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Farah: I had a red one.

Alejandro: oh.

Alejandro:

Alejandro: OH.

Rudy:

Rudy: You drank eachothers slushies?

---

Soap: Why is Gaz crying on the floor?

Ghost: he's drunk.

Soap: And?

Ghost: he saw a picture of Roach's husband.

Soap: But he's Roach's husband?

Ghost: I know.

---

Ghost, referring to Roach and Gaz: Those guys are dorks.

Soap: Yes, but they’re our dorks.

---

Soap: Who would you swipe right for? Gaz or Ghost?

Roach : I would delete the app.

---

Soap: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gaz: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Ghost: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Roach : My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

---

Roach : How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Gaz: *blushing* I—

Ghost, butting into the conversation: Soap is perfect, thanks for asking.

---

Eskell: You really believe in Shepard?

Oryn: Mmm… Luckily, he believes in himself enough for the both of us.

---

Shephard: Is this your plan B?

Eskell: Technically, this is plan P.

Shephard: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Eskell: Yes, but I marry Oryn in plan M.

Oryn: I like plan M.

---

Shephard: *Reading a letter*

Oryn: Well, what does it say?

Shephard: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Eskell killed my pet rock.

---

Oryn, about Eskell: Can I tell them they look nice?

Shephard: Sure.

Oryn: Can I tell them I respect them?

Shephard: Maybe, if they ask.

Oryn: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Shephard: …

Shephard: I’d save that for later.

---

Eskell: *pitches an idea*

Shephard, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!

Oryn, under their breath and dialling laswell: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Horangi : That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Konig?

Konig: No.

Horangi : I think I speak for Konig when I say it sounds really super.

---

Konig: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Horangi : Peonies, why?

Konig:

Horangi : Were you going to get me flowers?

Konig:

Horangi :

Konig: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

Horangi : I want a bf.

Konig: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

---

Konig: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Horangi : Okay.

Konig: And make out during the scary parts.

Horangi : Th-

Horangi : The scary parts.

Horangi : Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

---

Horangi , taping a knife onto a Roomba: Be free, my child.

Konig, entering the room with a small cut on their ankle: Who the f-

[dullgecko]

Riz brings Baron to prom with him just to fuck with people. This is my ?????? Baron, the child of the nightmare king, i hate them. If you look at me wrong he will harvest your organs. What's their gender? What's my sexuality? Fuck you, Baron we have to kill this guy. Don't flirt with Baron either, you die instantly.

You bring Baron to a goblin celebration and they participate very sheepishly, though. Doesn't matter what it is. They will stand nervously in a corner until told to do something.

Riz really didnt have a choice about bringing Baron. He was so deep in his feelings about all his friends having dates to prom and the fact that he'd be alone or third wheeling awkwardly that it just sort of happened. He'd passed a reflective glass trophy case on the way into the gym and suddenly Baron was there, creepy little doll face grinning as they slipped into the party with him.

He was mostly trying to ignore them, their power had waned significantly over the years so they werent exactly dangerous anymore but it was very disconcerting to have a literal figment of his nightmares hovering over his shoulder whispering the entire night. Not many people noticed Baron anyway, his friends were too busy having fun with their partners, so Riz was left to marinate alone in a corner with the nightmare child just making him feel worse as the night went on.

A few people he was vaguely familiar with had stopped by to talk with him, some even glanced in Barons direction and Riz had to gently tell them to ignore it or it would make it worse. Don't talk about it, don't question it, certainly dont ask it to dance. Despite his best efforts the whole thing gets to Riz pretty badly, and its only a multitude of saved wisdom throws that prevents him from letting Baron win and cause the chaos he desires before the nights over.

-----------

Goblin celebrations arent usually concerned so much with romance so, even though Riz is nervous there's not so much for Baron to latch onto. He just exists within the space, confused as to what's going on.

[lucienarcheron]

bestie i saw that post you reblogged about lucien going from being a rake to “i’m a mated male now” and i’m sorry(ish) but i gotta be a little deviant for a second

because i can’t stop thinking about how big of a change that is. how ….pent up he probably is 😳. he snaps at jurian and vassa and those shitheads make jokes about how bad he needs to get laid. if not for his sake, then for theirs.

and like …….. do you think……. when he’s alone and tries to …*ahem* take the edge off……. he can’t help but think about elain?? no matter how much he might not want to

ok i’m sorry i’ll see myself out now 😅😅

It's even worse because you know Vassa and Jurian are getting dirty anytime they think Lucien isn't around but unfortunately, he is (even if he doesn't want to be) and now he's third-wheeling again and trying so hard not to think about the fact that he used to get laid on the regular.

But he is a mated male now and even if she wants nothing to do with him now and asks of him nothing, Lucien can't help but be loyal and respectful of the potential of their mating bond; he wanted it too badly in the past to take it for granted now, even with it in limbo.

And maybe he does need to take the edge off sometimes. He can't help it. It's that mating bond tugging at his very soul, especially if it's after he sees or scents her. Lucien can't stop himself — he can't help it that her beautiful face is the one that appears when he's getting himself off. He can't help but think of the ghost of a smile she gave him once or twice. Or the sound of her laugh. Or how lovely she looks in her dresses. It's the mating bond — it's that primal urge to taste and claim and because he can't actually do it, he has to settle for succumbing to his fantasies of her in his weakest moments.

Even if he doesn't want to. Even if he hates himself afterward. Even if he feels disgusting and guilty because she didn't ask for this or him.

Even if he wanted to think of anything/anyone else, how could he? She is his mate. The idea of her had him struggling to think straight. The smiles she would give him. The life they could have together. Her wanting him...in his lowest moments when he had to blow some steam and couldn't help but dive into his fantasies — how could he fantasize about anyone else?

[kaycode1999]

hi heard you were doing some match ups and i was wondering if u could do me one

For starters, im a demisexual girl, still debating if im bi or simply a straight ally(in that case i'd kindly ask for a male counterpart), i don't want to be shipped with mk, mei, sandy, tang,pigsy bc i only see them as friends, and ao lie bc i already got him two times

i struggle with anxiety, abandonment, self worth and attachment issues and am currently working on my insomnia

Im a really sensitive person(tho not to the point of crying)my familly calls me a litteral drama queen

I sometimes feel like a useless third wheel, i rarely get angry at anything and always get along with anyone, my friends to confuse my goofy,friendly and open minded behavior for naivety and stupidety and i really hate it

For my aesthetic: i guess im a bit of everything depending on my mood, i like it when it matches, tho i do prefer hardcore colors like fushia, purple and dark blue, i also wear some moon and star themed jewelry i make myself

Im an ambivert, i socialize pretty well but prefer alone times

My love languages is physical affection(im not too clingy since i value personal space and boundaries more), words of affirmation, flirting lots of flirting and quality time and for me communication is the key, i don't really have a type but i am looking for someone loyal, who will love me and my insecurities and will accept that im badly crazy sometimes

i like drawing, mythology, reading, writing poems, painting, listening to music depending on my mood, studying dark entities(wich freaks my parents out), walking in the city(during night time),and i have a weird habit of collecting bird skull

I match you with

Macaque

The good thing is he knows first hand what its like to deal with anxiety, abandonment, self worth, attachment issues and feeling like a useless third wheel. Which means he has special knowledge of how to help you through it and/or do what he can to make sure he's never the cause of those feelings

With everything that's happened in his past, he actually views your demeanor as strong and intelligent. In his mind it takes no effort or intelligence to be cynical and mean, it's easy to do- but being friendly and kind shows your strength of character. ( Don't let him hear your friends putting you down for it or protective mode is ACTIVATED)

It simultaneously makes his heart swell with pride and makes him super flustered to see you wearing moon-themed anything because he compares himself to the Moon and Wukong to the Sun. (Please make him some matching ones he would love it😭)

Poor Monkey is honestly affection starved so he's not used to any of it. He's so thankful that you want to give him affection even though it makes him flustered. Its so cute though, his face gets so red with any kind of affection its adorable

Person B: what is this?

Person A: affection

Person B: disgusting

Person B:

Person B: do it again

This has actually happened before 😂😂

He never imagined he'd be lucky enough to be with you, so trust me once he is he's never leaving

He loves going on walks with you at night, he also finds the skull thing interesting

If you’re having trouble getting to sleep he’ll do whatever you want to help, just talking about random stuff or humming or just generally being there for you

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda Under Cut

Yona

She’s the fiancé of prince Sidon, (arranged marriage) and since Sidon is almost always shipped with link, people went feral the second they saw her. She’s genuinely very kind and cares about her people and wants Sidon to be happy! She is NOT jealous, she wants him to hang out with his Best Friend. I have seen firsthand in real-time, people being SO misogynistic and cruel, and saying she’s ugly. She’s good in a crisis, very friendly, has a great design, and she doesn’t deserve the hate in the slightest!

I'M DESPERATELY TRYING TO FIND CUTE ART OF HER AND SIDON AND QUITE LITERALLY EVERYTHING REGARDING HER IS JUST STRAIGHT UP BLATANT HATE AND DENOUNCING HER AS SOME LAST MINUTE ADDITION TO THE STORY AS ORCHESTRATED BY JOHN NINTENDO TO STOP SIDLINK FROM BEING CANON LIKE THIS IS THE THE JOHNLOCK CONSPIRACY OR SOME MESS... i just want to see cute art of a green shark woman with a lovely smile :((((

so the breath of the wild fandom is pretty well known for REALLY liking prince sidon aka that one really tall fish guy. and they're also really well known for shipping him with link because every fandom needs a gay ship right. so then the sequel (totk) comes around and it's revealed that sidon has a fiance now and it's not link it's some zora girl from another domain. the game hasn't even been out for a month but i've seen people act so vile towards her like yona get behind me!!!!

Zelda

She spent 100 years in a metaphysical wrestling match with an ancient and primal evil after seeing it destroy almost everyone and everything she held dear in the hopes of saving the few that remained and Link's main goal after HIYAHing his way out of a amnesia-inducing coma was to come in and tag team said evil in order to save her and like 90% of the memories he can regain focus on their relationship with each other and its gradual improvement up to the point where Link fucking dies protecting her and it's the push she needs to awaken the power to push back the blight and PEOPLE ARE STILL OUT THERE IN THEIR POST-CANON FANWORKS TRYING TO TELL ME THAT LINK FUCKS OFF AND LEAVES HER ALONE TO GO SMOOCH THE HOT FISH PRINCE BECAUSE ZELDA WAS BEING TOO OVERBEARING OR WHATEVER AND HE COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE EXPECTATION??? LIKE ZELDA'S WHOLE FUCKING ARC WASNT ALSO ABOUT HER STRUGGLING WITH EXPECTATION AND FAILING TO LIVE UP TO IT AND YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THIS WUALITY THEY BOTH OSTENSIBLY HAVE IN COMMON WOULD DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN THEM?? WHERE'S ZELDA YOU COWARDS?? I DON'T EVEN CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT HER AND LINK TO BE TOGETHER, JUST STOP DIMINISHING THE GRAVITY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND MAKING ZELDA SUCK FOR NO REASON. SHE'S A BIG NERD! SHE GETS TOO IN HER OWN HEAD! SHE'D DO ANYTHING TO HELP THE PEOPLE SHE CARES ABOUT! SHE UNASHAMEDLY AND EXCITEDLY TRIED TO FEED HER PERSONAL KNIGHT A LIVE FROG IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HER 

Im specifically saying botw Zelda here because oh my gOSH this poor girl can get made out to be like a horrible bitch when people. want link to get that shark dick. on average she doesnt get thattttt badly treated compared to some others but goddamn.

title character but people hate her because they want link to get w sidon. so she gets fridged or entirely forgotten even though shes literally his canonical soulmate and they have been reincarnated together hundreds of times (w ganon but whether u make em poly or make him the long suffering third wheel is up to you). people will be like oh but zelda was mean to him that one time (??). be serious w me rn. she just got removed from fandom entirely and if that isnt the epitome of victim of yaoi idk what is.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Weekend everyone :) Exciting we got some BTS I can't wait for the first promo for the premiere. When we get our first crumb and we can all lose our collective minds. Ha Till then we are hitting another fav episode of mine. The one where really it’s Tim and Lucy on a date. Chris and Ashley just happen to be there. So many reasons I love this episode from the date to the work stuff it's all very good. Off we go.

4x12 The Knock

Our couple actually gets the cold open. They’re headed to the beach for a call. Lucy mentions how it sucks to be on the beach but not be able to enjoy it. That she can’t dive into the water. Tim is more than happy to stay away from the water and the beach. Forgetting he’s dating a lifeguard….(Sure he would love the ocean more if a wet Lucy Chen was in it) Lucy giving him crap saying how on brand this is for him. To hate one of natures greatest gifts lmao God I'll always love how she speaks her mind around him. Especially in S4. It's glorious.

Tim corrects her and says it’s the ocean not the beach he hates. Lucy can’t help but get into psychology mode. Telling him a fear of the ocean is related to not being in complete control of his environment. I mean that’s pretty damn spot on for Tim. We know what a control freak this man is over everything. (I can relate. heh) Tells him good luck dating a lifeguard LOL So much sass so early in their shift. Tim’s reactions through out this portion above are too funny.

Throwing his hands up and shaking his head at her analysis of him. Not fighting it BTW. Progress ha He used to be so anti-psych before her. Lucy can’t help but psychoanalyze him. Not only for the water but for Ashley let’s be honest. This flirty sass is only the beginning with this episode. Never be over how very vocal Lucy is about Ashley. Literally giving Tim breadcrumbs all over the place she’s not right for him. Also that she is not a fan. None of us are Lucy...

They make their way to Ashley. Saying she wasn’t expecting them to send their best. And hottest. (I mean she's not wrong. They both fine af.) Lucy is not about this flirt fest. So very transparent my friend haha Awkwardly does a *ahem* Trying to get Ashley to direct them to why she called. Asking where is the thing she called about? Tim can’t let it go when they’re walking towards it.

‘Did you hear her say the hottest?’ Wants so badly for Lucy to recognize he’s attractive. Trust me babe she knows. Painfully aware of it really. Something she has to consistently push down in your flirty moments. I bet you that look she gives in 5x12 was everything for him. When she was shamelessly checking him out. The validation he had been chasing forever. Part of him that just needs to know she finds him attractive. Oh Timothy. She does that’s part of the problem for her especially this season haha They’re walked up to a severed hand. Eww.

Tim’s point about the ocean being proven in this moment. Ashley is just standing there while they bicker like a married couple haha Which is basically this entire episode honestly. Really this season but there is a heavy emphasis on it in this one. Tim asking her if she wants to go in now? Such a shit. I love him so much. Lucy being the exasperated one this time lmao. Look at her reaction above. Annoyed wife status. Idk how Ashley could be around them and not wonder if Tim was in love with Lucy? SMH. Third wheel in her own relationship when Lucy is around. Another theme of this episode.

Tim comes up after Lucy is done talking to Chris. They were theorizing what the story behind the hand could be. He takes off and Tim immediately notices ‘the look’ and he comments on it. Asking her what’s that look? Lucy is defensive and says 'Nothing.... What?' It’s here we see jealous Tim emerge. Welcome sir please stay awhile. Noting she wanted to strangle Chris last week. Now she’s sweet on him?

Lucy can’t help but give him grief for his old school verbiage. Haha He’s the old dude from UP time and time again. I mean this scene really is just Tim speak for jealous. He doesn't like Chris. Never has never will. Lucy deflects said jealously into making fun of him. Tim not even trying to hide how he feels about this situation. Liked it better where she wanted to strangle Chris. He knows that look and isn’t exactly excited about it.

Ashley comes up saying she’s all done with her paperwork. Asking if he has any plans tonight? Tim tells her no. She goes on to tell him her friend won 4 raffle tickets to a fancy dinner thing. Tim being skeptical asks what that entails? She tells him it’s called OSIA. Lucy’s interest is now piqued. Ashley continues on to say it’s a beach pop up. 12 fusion meals and wine pairings.

You can see Tim doesn’t look excited. He tells her he’ll have to think about it. Ashley asks him what there to think about? Lucy jumps right in cause well it’s Lucy. Saying the control freak in him doesn’t like to try new things. (Well he does just not with you Ashley...) You're not the one he's going to jump off cliffs for. Cause well. You know. The vapid quality you bring to this whole thing… Seriously how is Ashley not constantly threatened by Lucy? Tim gets defensive and says he’s not a control freak. Ok honey…..Lucy is enjoying this so very much. Look at her above. Challenging him to proof he is not.

Tim changes his tune and says he would be happy to go to her fancy dinner thing. Funny Tim was a hard no till Lucy called him out. If I was Ashley I would be thinking it was weird Tim only said yes to spite Lucy but ok LOL Honestly the control freak in him to control this moment by saying yes haha My god Timothy. To show Lucy he's not one if he goes. Not the reason to go to a fancy place with your GF. To show up your ‘platonic aide.' but you do you Tim.

They return to the station and Tim gets a phone call. It’s Ashley saying her friend bailed on dinner. She starts suggesting another friend and Tim looks at Lucy. Knowing if he has to do this dinner thing he at least wants her there. Not some random other couple if he can help it. Unconsciously reaching for his safe space in this instance. I.e. Lucy. So he casually says Lucy been pining after that place all day. Lucy TOUCHES his forearm during her excitement.

If a gif could sum up their dynamic/personality in one moment it would be this one one. Heh Her excitement and his need for her to chill on said excitement. Sunshine x Grumpy at its finest. Tim then makes the biggest mistake ever. (He just doesn’t realize it yet…) Spots Chris and tells him Lucy needs a date to a fancy dinner. Oh my love you’re going to live to regret this one. Saw a funny post about this moment. 'Congratulations you just played yourself.' HA It's true though... Does his fake Chris smile to get him to come with.

So desperate to have her there with him he invites Chris. Someone he can't stand. You're a hot mess Timothy. I love you. The clown agrees to said dinner while Lucy stands there and watches this all unfold. She is stunned into silence mostly lol Tim gets off the phone and says’What? Don't be such a control freak.’ The shade Tim the absolute shade. Who is this man? Also let’s note they’re doing a work flirt inside this ‘double date’ before it even begins. Only these two…

So begins the date where a third and fourth wheel called Chris and Ashley just happen to be there for the ride. Really this entire portion is just one giant display of their bond. I love it so much. We get to see their exquisite connection front and center. That seamless flow of theirs and how they lean on one another naturally. Tim starts out real strong saying how he doesn’t understand why a restaurant would be on a beach? Oh my grumpy old man. Lucy isn't phased by this but Ashley is. Their first course arrives and Tim looks so very confused as their server explains it.

This is their first married moment of the night. Tim asking if any of that was English? Lucy steps in. Says she can translate for him. All he needs to know is it’s made of mushroom. Which she knows isn’t his favorite. She knows his various likes and dislikes. Because of course she does. This is her work husband after all. Lucy knows all the things. It’s the way she naturally leans over and he tells her to take it. He leans back and lets her snatch it up. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened during a meal. They’ve just never had an audience before. This is touching on our 'you know me so well. too well.' OTP moment.

I love him just letting her eat off his plate. Like it ain’t no thang... Just a normal day. Nothing to see here people. Totally normal platonic partners right here. It’s Ashley’s face while Lucy does this that makes me laugh. She is picking up on a vibe so hard. It’s written all over her face. Then there is clueless Chris to her left. Not noticing the dynamic between them. He is a wet match in a damp cave folks. Ashley however is picking up on it right away. You’d have to be blind not to or be Chris at this point LMAO Ashley feeling every bit the third wheel. Says she didn’t know he didn’t like mushrooms? Tim tells her it’s ok. (it's ok cause his wife knows…)

Chris brings up he’s not much of an adventurous eater. But did have curry goat one time in Jamaica. This prompts Tim to come up with a story about Lucy. Because he’s on a date with her and not Ashley right? Tim starting off with ‘Was his name Gerald?’ It’s the way he’s looking right at her when he says this. It’s so cute. They're like a couple on their honeymoon swapping stories with a couple they just met. Lucy trying to stop her enthusiastic husband from embarrassing them by sharing too much.

Tim could not be more adorable with how excited he is to tell this story. Look how animated he is above. Only Lucy brings this side out of him. Let's also note how how his eyes basically never leave her face. Lucy’s sheepish ‘god shut up don’t....’ Trying to cut Tim off from telling this story. Married moment number two coming right up. It's the way she's reacting that is so precious.

A wife trying to stop her husband from embarrassing her with a story. This scene is just so damn endearing. It's a testament to the seamless flow that is them. That bond no one seems to really understand but them. The inside jokes and how they’re finishing each other sentences. That lovely ebb and flow they have. If you didn’t know the context of this scene you’d think they were the ones in a relationship.

They're behaving in a manner that strongly resembles a married couple. The fact that it's in front of their dates tickles me pink. They’re basically screaming their feelings in this moment through this story. The looks they give each other while the other is talking. *heart clutch* The smiles and looks of love. Chris and Ashley's reactions are what make the situation so amusing. Like two outsiders looking into a world they don’t understand. At all. They don't speak the language and it shows.

They get so lost in each other and in this story. They don’t pick up on the vibes across the table. Ashley being confused and threatened. Chris being well clueless and pretending he knows what’s going on. How either of could watch this chemistry filled display and not walk away from the table is beyond me. Their dates are on a date with each other right now. They just don’t realize it.

What's being depicted here is their profound bond, their history, the looks, the touches and laughter. They barely look at their dates towards the end of the story. If you needed a 'Tell me your ship is married without telling me they are?' This is that in spades. Look at the way they are smiling, laughing and looking at each other toward the end of this story. He is sporting his Lucy smile in the gifs above.

Never smiles for anyone the way he does for her. His heart reaching his eyes and lips just for his girl. Tim is so damn pleased with himself for teasing her. Sheer joy out of telling an embarrassing story involving her. Straight flirting right in front of their dates. Tim is so in love with her in this moment. I mean the man took a small comment from Chris and turned it into as story about Lucy. One from a long time ago no less. Nothing soulmate like at all about this behavior.

Look at these two in these final gifs. All heart eyes, smiles, and giggling. That Tim smile loud and proud. They're like two idiots in love who can’t help but project that love to everyone around them. Haven't torn their eyes from one another. They’ve completely forgotten the others at the table. Faded into their own flirty world. I know some people said they felt second-hand embarrassment. I didn’t I LOVED seeing this. I love her laughter feeding off his amusement asking 'Why?' Him replying 'It's funny.' laughing with her. It was only funny to them LOL I’m dying it’s so good.

Ashley is not pleased. Can’t say I blame her. Lucy is bringing out a side that is foreign to her. What happens when you're blah and bring nothing to a relationship. You get second hand Tim. To me this episode is as just one step closer to showing they’re supposed to be together. Shows the depth of their bond at this point. That magnetic draw they have to one another even with others around. Even when those people are the ones they’re supposedly on a date with. They're oozing cute newlywed vibes here and I was so happy to watch it.

We return to them now having a spirited debate about experimenting on the dead. It's stemming from the case they're working on. A mad man has been taking severed limbs trying to reanimate them. Married moments 3 and 4 are arriving at the station. It’s the fact that their bodies are now pointed at each other. Effectively shutting out the others at the table. Ashley inserts herself back into the convo finally getting them to break of from one another. (Seriously Ashley all the signs were there. Should cut this off after this dinner alone.)

She asks Tim if he hasn’t volunteered to be an organ donor then? Lucy answers for him cause wifey knows the answer. Telling Ashley all about it. How he wants his ashes spread over Dodger field LOL I love her knowing this detail. It’s one thing to know someone’s dislikes in food. It’s another to know info like this. Lucy knows him like the back of her hand. He didn’t even care she answered for him. Tim could not be cuter saying his ashes would mess up the PH of the grass. LMFAO. I love this man sfm everyone I really do. Lucy replying like only a wife would.

Making fun of him for calling in the first place. I love these two so much. Also adore how relaxed and comfortable Tim is. His body still pointed towards Lucy. You know she is the reason he’s so relaxed. Why he is having fun. It's because his person is there. Bringing out the best in him. Making jabs and bantering back and forth with him. Chris awkwardly adds in ‘I like the dodgers…’ I’m rolling. No one cares little dude. Tim going back to being a little reserved with his ‘Yeah..’ reply. Tim makes one last jab at the food. How ridiculous it is. Ashley gets up from the table and Tim tries to apologize but she’s out out there.

The next day they’re sent to the county morgue. The guy who’s been working on dead people has been linked to here. They figured out he was using the morgue for his experiments. Because it’s for people who aren’t identified and get buried by the state. Pretty sad but right up this deranged guy's ally. Once they arrive they see blood on the floor. Follow it to where they find him hold up in a room. Trying to get more body parts.

This next section is a lesson in how not to have any personal space by Tim and Lucy. Also how far they’ve come professionally with this moment. Chester the crazy person has a room of people hostage. Tim takes off his body cam and slides it into the room. Opens his phone and makes his way back to Lucy.

Tim asks her what their options are? I LOVE Tim trusting Lucy’s instincts. Asking for them instead of testing them. This scene is so intimate. From their soft voices to way he guides her into place. Places his hand on her lower back and she trust him to do so. Then takes a glance at his phone. Talking out her options with him. Adore how they're so in sync in this scene. How they move together. Gets me right in the feels.

I saw a post (link inside that) awhile ago about how Eric and Melissa took them standing together to another level. How they took the initiative to be like 'Hmm the fans would love this.' So they made it this intimate moment we all know and love. I adore them doing this kind of stuff. Knowing it’ll drive the fans crazy in the best way. Gah the way he’s intensely looking at her as she processes her thoughts. Like a proud husband waiting for her to make her call. This moment shows they have the same amount of chemistry inside their job as they do outside of it. Nothing changes. This scene was *fans self*

Tim waiting for her to make her decision. Knowing she going to make the right one. His trust in her implicit at this point. The silent communication going on here is out of this world. Also look at this man’s jawline. Could cut glass on that thing. Peppered with stubble too. Yum Tum. Thought we made it through a review without me ogling Tim didn’t you? You're welcome. Lucy comes up with a bad ass plan where no one gets hurt. Tim blinding him with his flashlight. Chester erratically shoots at it. Lucy takes him out with her taser with him distracted. They arrest Chester and save the hostages. BAMF'S

Lucy is leaving the station when the clown catches her. Chris telling her he wasn’t really feeling last night. Yeah cause she was on a date with Tim not you… (You'll never compare but sure go ahead putz.) Lucy apologizing to him. Saying her and Tim spend so much time together. They just have a shorthand. It's so much more than that. If by shorthand you mean deep emotional connection and bond. An intimacy that can be felt just by the way you look at each other and silently communicate.

Where you finish each other sentences, make each other laugh, have inside jokes no one else gets, throw heart eyes at one another and clearly are so very in love. Love each other warts and all. Then sure let’s call all that a 'shorthand' Lucy. Whatever helps you sleep at night LOL She ends up setting up a do-over with Chris. Bleh. But she can’t have Tim right now so he’s it atm. Just a distraction for her nothing more. Like a snack you don't super love but it's there. So you pick at it not expecting much enjoyment out of it other than filling yourself up.

Tim has Ashley meet him at the station to apologize. She points out how he spent the entire time talking to Lucy. Well I mean he did…. Tim telling her his job is unpredictable. His entire career has been that way with his jobs. That at the end of the day likes his creature comforts. I hate that Ashley was always trying to change Tim. There’s compromise and there’s someone who doesn’t fit with you. Like trying to shove square peg into a round hole with them.

Lucy would be so happy to do those things with him. Also she’s just not worth him going out of his comfort zone for. Lucy is the only one to get him to do that. As we see in S5 the things he's willing to do for Lucy vs what HAS to do for Ashley. Lucy loves Tim for everything that is him grumpus and all. Where as Ashley tries to alter Tim and things she doesn't. Get him to fit what she wants out of a man. Just not the right one for him to do any of those things. It's telling af how Tim gets defensive when she calls Lucy his partner.

The denial is so real Timothy. She sees his freakout and he reels back saying that’s not the point… it kinda is though haha I swear only reason Tim was with her was to show how right Lucy was for him. How Lucy adds to him and Ashley only subtracts. He was so ready to just settle for he since he wasn’t going to get what he really wanted. More we learn about Ashley more we see him settling. Giving up parts of himself for her because he doesn’t think he’ll get those things anyway. (Marriage, kids, stupid in love happiness) Not till Lucy...Thus ends our marriage moments episode. I truly love this one.

~~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Nyla being pathologically happy cause of the pregnancy hormones is hilarious. I love it so very much.

Thank you thank you to everyone who supports these reviews. Your likes, comments and reblogs give me life haha see you all in 4x13 :)

[theladyofdeath]

Better or Worse {11...Simplified?}

For everyone who can't see the original post! Here is chapter 11 of Better or Worse...

…………..

Cassian

…………..

I hate late flights but it was all Nesta and I could book last minute. I’m already tired, due to lack of sleep, now that I’m back on the couch. After getting cockblocked by Eris last week, and seeing that intimacy isn’t as important to my wife as it apparently is to me, I decided that sleeping on the couch would be best.

She hasn’t seemed to mind.

Not once has she asked me to come back to bed. Although, she has stayed true to her word and has been working nonstop since we decided we’d be going on vacation. I haven’t been ignoring her completely. When we’re in the same room, we’ve indulged in that same small talk that we indulged in weeks ago. Then, things started to change and get better.

Now I don’t know what to think. I’m not sure where we are now.

I debated on calling our little getaway off, but being on the beach right now sounds good, therapeutic, so here we are. Even though there’s a wall back between us, we’re taking Gwyn’s advice and going to paradise for a few days. 

Once we make it past security and to our gate, Nesta’s already pulling out her laptop. I mumble that I’m going to find coffee and leave her there to work. I feel a little better, a little less grumpy, once I get caffeine in me. I even feel nice enough to bring Nesta a latte. 

The flight is three hours long, and I sleep for most of it. Surprisingly, the plane seat is just as comfortable as the couch.

Maybe we should get a new couch. 

I only wake up when we land, as the plane jolts once it makes contact with the tarmac. Nesta’s laptop is put away, although I think it’s because they ask you to when landing, not because she chose to. Either way, she gives me a little smile and nods out the window. “We made it.”

It’s hard to see anything because it’s already dark, but I know the airport is close to the ocean. I can see city lights through the window, but I’m too tired to try and brace myself for the nightlife of Adriata tonight. 

I yawn as we pull up to our gate and the seatbelt signs are turned off. “I think our hotel is pretty close to here.” 

It wasn’t what she was expecting me to respond with. Her smile falters, but she nods. “That’s good.” 

I’m not in the mood for the small talk right now. I don’t have patience for it. Swiping my phone out of my pocket, I see that it’s nearly midnight. I turn it off of airplane mode and a barrage of texts and emails come through. I ignore the texts from my employees until tomorrow and skim over my email, deciding the contents of it can wait until the sun rises, too.

I open the group chat between my brothers and I, sending off a short text letting them know we’d landed. Azriel replies almost immediately, telling us to have fun, while Rhys is all radio silence. Seeing as it’s almost two in the morning in Velaris, I’m not surprised.

It’s taking forever for the people ahead of us to disembark, so I open my text thread with just Az, not wanting to wake up a likely sleeping Rhys or worse — Feyre.

You’re up late, I text. Everything okay?

Again, his reply is almost instantaneous. It’s all good. Elain woke up from a dream craving butter crunch ice cream. I’m at my third grocery store looking for it.

Chuckling, I respond, You know she’ll be fast asleep by the time you get home.

Yeah, but her smile in the morning will make it worth it.

I hate the jealousy that shoots through me reading my brother’s words.

Gwyn is still the only person we’ve told about Nesta’s miscarriages. They have no idea how badly I want what they both have.

Still, I reply, Take care of your woman. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

I hit send as soon as we finally get moving, then we’re making our way to baggage claim. Half an hour later, with my bag tossed over my shoulder and wheeling Nesta’s suitcase behind me, we’re finding a cab to take us down to the beach, where our hotel is.

Nesta booked the flight, but I chose the hotel. With a weight room bigger than the one at my gym and walking distance to the shore, I didn’t even have to think twice about spending the ridiculous amount of money to book us a suite. 

Nesta doesn’t seem to mind either as we make our way into the lobby and she looks around, impressed. The thought occurs to me then that maybe I should’ve picked a shitty hotel. If she likes it too much, it will be that much more tempting to stay in our room and work as she overlooks the endless blue waters beyond our balcony.

Nonetheless, I check in and we make our way up to the ninth floor where our suite lies at the end of the hall. 

The room is big, clean, with a giant bathroom that has a jacuzzi and a little living room with a mini kitchen.

 The only issue is that the couch in the living room is nothing more than a loveseat, which means that it will be me and Nesta in the same bed, yet again.

At least it’s a king size. 

Apparently I’m staring disappointedly at the bed because Nesta asks, “Something wrong?”

Surely she knows. One look at her and I can tell she does. “Nope.”

I toss our bags on the loveseat and open mine up, finding my toothbrush and all my other toiletries before making my way to the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

I take longer in the bathroom than I usually would, but I also admit that I’m being a bit of a coward. I’m hoping that when I come out, Nesta will be in bed, already asleep, and I can curl up on the uncomfortable loveseat for what I can only imagine will be one of the worst night’s sleep of my life. I want to skip the fight that I feel is inevitable. I’m too tired to fight, too tired to explain to her why I can’t sleep in the bed with her.

But what I want doesn’t matter, because when I exit the bathroom, Nesta isn’t in bed. She isn’t even in the room.

The sliding door leading the balcony is open, sheer, white curtains fluttering in the warm breeze and I know that’s where I’ll find her.

She doesn’t notice me immediately, her eyes closed as she takes in the ocean air. Her hair hangs long and loose down her back, freed from the braid she usually wears it in, and she’s changed out of her leggings and t-shirt. I don’t recognize the pale, lace night gown she’s wearing.

But she looks absolutely ethereal standing in the moonlight.

I’m breathless.

Even when I’m pissed, frustrated with this woman, she has the power to take my breath away.

Which is why I’m still here, why I didn’t leave for good. I need that reminder as I step onto the balcony. 

Her eyes open as I lean against the railing next to her but she doesn’t look at me. For a moment, neither of us say a word, but then she says, “You can’t sleep on that couch.”

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore relax me. “I know.”

“Does that mean you’re okay sleeping with me tonight?” she asks, and her voice is quiet which is strange for Nesta. It’s strange to hear fear lacing her tone, even if it’s subtle. 

“I did debate on creating a pillow blockade between us,” I say, and I say it as a joke even though it’s something I considered while getting ready for bed. 

Nesta huffs a laugh but there’s hardly any humor in it. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Cassian—”

“It’s late,” I say, and finally look at her. She’s still looking at the water, but her body is relaxed as if she’s come to terms with the conversation we’re about to have. “We can do this tomorrow—”

“No, we can’t.” She turns toward me then and looks up. Her eyes are pleading. “I don’t want this vacation to start off on the wrong foot. This is supposed to be good for us and it can’t be good for us if we’re not communicating. You’re pissed.” I open my mouth, but she shakes her head before I can say anything. “And don’t say you’re not. I’m not stupid, Cassian. I messed up, and I’ve been pretending like I didn’t do anything wrong but I did. I know I did, and I feel foolish. The other night… I’ve been wanting you to touch me like that for so long. It wasn’t that I wanted you to stop, because I didn’t, but when I saw Eris was calling me, my stubborn, workaholic nature took over and I had to answer. If I hadn’t answered, it would have been all I was thinking about, instead of what we were doing. And that’s not an excuse, because I know I hurt you when I answered the damn phone, and you’re right. I shouldn’t have.”

You’re right. Those are not words that leave my wife’s mouth often. 

“But I meant what I said, what I promised you. This weekend is about us. I’m going to wake up every morning, respond to emails, mark a couple of little things off my checklist, and that’s it. And if you feel like I’m taking too long, then tell me. But I got a lot done in the last week, just so I can spend this time with you, uninterrupted. I want you to know that I’m all in, with you. You’re more important than my job, and if you’re feeling like you’re not, I need you to be vocal about it so I can be more aware.”

Last time I was vocal about it, she answered the phone anyways, but I don’t tell her that now. She’s trying. She’s communicating. She’s being honest. So, I nod. “It’s late,” I repeat, although more gentle than before. “Let’s get to bed so we can have a good day tomorrow.”

The fear in her eyes fades and she looks relieved as she takes my hand. I let her pull me inside, toward the bed, where we lay down together beneath the blankets. 

Nothing more is said as we drift off to sleep, but she lays her head against my chest and I hold on to her through the night.

…………..

Nesta

…………..

I haven’t had such a good night’s sleep since the last time I had Cass in bed with me, and the only reason I wake up now is because the newly awoken sun is streaming through the thin curtains and my husband’s cock is burying itself painfully into my backside. 

All night, he never let me go. My back is pressed up against his front, his arm slung lazily across my waist as he breathes steadily into the silence. I can feel his chest rise and fall against my back. It calms me.

I know that he’s sleeping better now than he has in days, too, and I don’t want to wake him so I stay perfectly still, even though I’m tempted, even if all I can think about is the feel of him up against me. 

All I’ve been able to think of since that night is how I could be so stupid. We’ve been making so much progress. We’ve both opened up and talked about things we didn’t want to. I’ve acknowledged that I work too much and that it’s not only one of my character flaws but the main reason I nearly lost my husband.

And the first opportunity I have to prove that he means more to me than any job ever will? I fuck it up.

For a moment, I let myself consider how that night could have ended if I didn’t answer the phone.

Likely with me bent over the kitchen counter, one of my knees propped up on one of the bar stools, as Cassian gripped my hips, pounding into me—

Cassian’s arm tightened around my waist as he shifted in his sleep and I tensed, not sure if he was awake. He murmured something, a sure sign that he was still dreaming, and settled into his pillows, not loosening his grip on me.

His thick erection, nestled into the cleft of my ass, was all I could think about. It made the throbbing between my legs all the more insistent and for a second I thought about touching myself.

What a hell of a way to wake my husband up on the first morning of our vacation.

But then I had a better idea.

I listened closely to the sound of his breathing, ensuring he was still well and truly asleep and then carefully turned over in his arms. It was a slow process, considering the hold he had on me, but after a minute, I found myself gazing into his sleeping face.

Even fast asleep, he’s ridiculously handsome, although that cocky tilt of his lips is gone when he’s out like this. I lay there for a minute, admiring his beauty, and then he stirs and I freeze. The hand that’s slung around me moves lower, his hand cupping my ass with a content sigh before he starts snoring, softly.

I force myself not to laugh, even if it’s adorable, until he shifts again and I can feel every inch of him perfectly against the thin fabric of my nightgown. Mother damn me, I want him inside of me. It takes everything within me not to grind against him, not to take control and give myself pleasure, but this wouldn’t be about me.

It would be about him. 

I reach up and brush his hair back with teasingly soft fingertips. His lips, in perfect calm, form the softest of smiles.

With my hands still tucked in close to me, I press my lips to the center of his chest. It's a soft kiss, my mouth meeting his warm, toned skin, but I let it linger. I let my tongue brush over his skin, and then I move my lips to a new spot and do the same. As I pepper his chest with lingering kisses, I run a hand up his abdomen. His body jumps a little beneath my touch, almost like it tickles, and his hand on my ass tightens. My leg is drawn up over him, and now that I can feel his erection against my throbbing clit, I can’t stop myself from rocking my hips against him, just to ease the torturous feeling, if only a little. Cassian groans quietly, and I know that he’s now awake, even though his eyes are still closed, when his hips rock back into me.

I used to wake him up like this all the time, and he would do the same to me. Waking one another with little, teasing kisses until it escalated into something far more. I miss waking up like this, with him, starting off my day in pure bliss, with a euphoric high. 

He breathes my name, and the second it falls from his tongue, I can’t control myself any longer. My mouth trails up the side of his neck until it finds that spot he loves, just beneath his jaw, just below his ear and sucks vigorously as my hand slides back down his hard abdomen. My fingers tease the waistband of his sweatpants, but he’s not having it. 

“Nesta,” he pleads, yet again, and I nip at his skin, causing him to moan quietly above his deep, heavy breaths. His hips can’t stay still, as if his cock has a mind of its own. But he shouldn’t have to chase it, shouldn’t have to be the one to guide pleasure. My hand slips into his sweats and I take him into my hand.

The second my fingers wrap around his length, he curses. 

I lean back, and his eyes are open, his lips parted. The look full of lust and love and need that he gives me makes me want to mount him right here and now, but this morning is about him. Instead, I pump him a few times, slowly, before pulling my hand out of his pants and just when he’s about to protest, I straddle his thighs and yank his sweats down until he’s free.

Everything about my husband is magnificent. His face, his hair, his body. And most definitely is cock.

Beautiful, and hard, and absolutely enormous. My mouth is watering as I look at him, at his body I’ve scarcely seen over the past year, at his cock, staring and already dripping precum and practically begging for me to touch it.

Gripping him at the base, I lean in, ready to swirl my tongue around the swollen head, just how I know drives him wild, and—

His hands grab my shoulders, stopping me. “Nesta, you don’t have to—”

“No, I don’t have to,” I agree, rubbing the head of his cock over my lips. “But I want to.”

He makes a choking sound, but doesn’t try to stop me any further.

After almost ten years together, I know his body as well as my own. I know what makes him go crazy and what will unleash him. I know every spot that tickles, what to do that will make him moan and groan and lose control. This morning, I’m pretending I don’t. I take my time exploring him, slowly dragging fingers up and down his length, over the ridge of the swollen head, teasing a vein that runs along the side.

Gazing up at him, I grip him tightly at the base and flick my tongue over the head once. As soon as my tongue glides over his skin, his hand is in my hair and he curses violently.

Our eyes are locked as I do it again, and his jaw ticks as he swallows harshly. The fingers in my hair tighten which makes me moan, a sound that drives my husband wild. I slowly work him, my mouth and hand working in tandem. It isn’t until his head is back on the pillow, his eyes closed, his breathing quick that I take the entirety of him into my mouth. 

That foul language of his greets me once more, and his filthy mouth does things to me that I have no control of. I keep still for a moment, my tongue running wild before I release him and repeat the motion, again and again, taking him into my mouth, a little quicker each time. His fingers are still tangled into my hair, gripping each strand hard enough to bring on a pleasant tinge of pain. I relish in it, in that pain, in this moment. I don’t even realize I’m touching myself until I’m moaning, the sound muffled as I take him in, as I cup his balls with my free hand and give them a squeeze. 

Unable to keep still any longer, Cassian’s hips began to writhe beneath me. With one quick buck, I have him fully in my mouth yet again, and I grab his ass to encourage him to repeat the motion.

His other hand joins the one in my hair, but this one smooths it back off my face, making sure he can see everything I’m doing. Gazing up at him, I can tell the second he notices my hand moving frantically, my own orgasm building quicker than I expected it. His eyes grow impossibly darker, fingers massaging my scalp before pulling on the strands of my hair again. “Are you close?”

I nod, loving the gravely tone of his voice, rough with sleep and lust. My mouth is too full to answer directly, so I bob my head in time with the fingers plunging in and out of my center.

Cassian tugs my hair, once again. “Let me watch you come.”

My entire body feels like it’s on fire as my toes curl, that sensation that I haven’t felt in so long starting to flow its way through my body. My mouth, my movements, become less fluid and Cassian tugs at my hair again, this time pulling my mouth free of his cock.

Dragging me up his body, his lips crash against mine as his fingers replace mine. I gasp at the feeling of his fingers sliding through my folds, unable to stop the moan as he circles my clit.

Reaching between us, I grip his cock, still slick and wet from my mouth and squeeze as I stroke him from base to tip.

“You’re so wet,” he groans, pumping his hips into my hand, fucking it like he had my mouth moments before. I’m just as desperate for release as he is. I’m grinding into his hand as he expertly works me, thumb circling my clit in time with the finger he has plunged inside me, knowing it’ll have me on the edge in a matter of seconds. He bites down on my neck and I moan. “So wet and so needy.”

And then he lowers his head to my breasts.

The blunt edge of his teeth on my nipple sends me falling into utter bliss. I cry out as my entire body tenses, my pussy clenching around his fingers.

Cassian groans low and then I can feel a warm wetness on my lower belly and my hand. Still lost in the orgasm crashing through me, I barely notice as Cassian curses softly, his voice laced with ecstasy.

Then his mouth is on mine again and he’s kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe, like a man who’s been starving being presented a feast.

My mind can’t form a single thought. All I can focus on are his hands around my waist, his mouth on mine, the hunger and desperate need radiating off of him, even though we’ve both found our releases. There’s something far deeper that just happened between us than helping one another orgasm and feel good. A wall has broken down, a barrier has crumbled that has been up for far too long. I feel lighter as he kisses me, as his tongue brushes mine, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

And when I break our kiss to meet his gaze, I know, without a doubt, that he feels it, too.

[lethimsoak]

some niche bengals ships for you for the ship it ask meme!

the '23 rookies

bj/germaine

jermaine/brenden (half a bengals ship at least 🙃)

thank you carmen!!! my answer under the cut <3

・the '23 rookies

andrei iosivas, chase brown and charlie jones. my fav trio. they give off high school friends vibes and im so here for it. idk if i 'ship' them in a traditional sense because they're more of a crack ship to me. but i like their dynamic so i guess that counts!

1. What made you ship it?

the fact that they were rookies in 2023 and were WRs and a RB (so they work together a lot on offense) also their behaviors online lmfao

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

they're very gen z (esp andrei) and the way they interact with each other is so fun to watch on and off the field! also because this is a trio the dynamic between each duo is different and i like the contrast. like this video and if you really wanna go deep check out their gf's instagram

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

not unpopular but charlie growing closer with mike gesicki (they went out together in chicago i think) prob will have some effect on their dynamic i fear

update: or so i thought until charlie posted on his intagram and chase was spamming comments 😭 so unserious

・bj/germaine

i've always been saying we need love for defense and the bengals delivered with their golden DT/LB ship. the bengals support them as a ship and it's so funny because they don't even have to do anything for these two to mention each other tbh. i really like the bengals LB room (because they're one of the few guys that the bengals were able to develop from the start 💀) and i love how they're a big part of the team. bj's influence on defense has been big too since the guys seem to love teasing him like. they really love him like that. i feel like them as a duo make the team better overall and that might be because of how much trust they have in each other and others can sense that.

1. What made you ship it?

when i found out they were roommates back in college! like y'all need to watch this video. it's crazy that they've known each other for over a decade now 🥺 im a sucker for reunited college buddies (as you can tell lol) and im so so so happy that they're together again <3

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

the way there's always some new stuff coming from them lol like you know how we're raving about joe's new hair and how bj made him get a buzzcut and all that but bj went bald last year because he wanted the bengals to resign germaine so badly (he was VERy passionate about it on twitter). or when they went on a zoo date with vonn as their third wheel. this interview. this year's media day. bj mic'd up. i feel like the bengals media team actually does something when it comes to these two and as much as i hate the team im grateful.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

not really an opinion but germaine needs to shave his beard off when bj gets extended because that's what true love is <3

・jermaine/brenden

my new favesssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love them so much even though i have no idea how they met (im guessing at either a rookie premiere event or through their mutual friends) jermaine pls stop being weird about pookie i beg

1. What made you ship it?

jermaine's ig post 💀 i was all in on jermaine (no pun intended) when he got drafted but then i started Looking 👀 third slide of that post made me feel things esp about his space themed tattoos on his tummy (and those horny two letter tattoos above his knees?????? yeah) but then BAM there's brenden rice. the GOAT son. and then they started being weird about each other on social media and that is how i got roped into whatever they got going on.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

given their lack of proximity we don't really know how they interact irl (yet) and their interaction has strictly been an online thing so there's a lot of room to speculate and ponder about their friendship (or something more 😋). what does jermaine like so much about brenden????????? did something happen when they worked out together. do they watch dragon ball together. do they listen to k suave together. there's a lot to think about and i can't wait to learn more about them (and the bengals vs chargers on week 11 @ LA ofc)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

everything is an unpopular opinion when the ship is obscure so i'd say that if they were on the same team (whether on bama or usc) they wouldn't have been close

[ginsoakedgirl80]

Costume Cdramas I watched in 2023

My 2nd year with Chinese dramas as my love for costume drama continues.

The title links to where you can watch it (tried to find free legal watches where available)

The Blood of Youth (40 x 45min, filming started in Oct 2021, released Dec 2022) fun action drama with a good dose of comedy, not for people who want lots of romance because they are too busy (and the canon couples don't have enough chemistry, there I said it) to be making out. Good for bromance, ghost ships and/or ace character head canons. Xiao Se's fur collar wins fur collar of the year, Tang Lian is my blorbo of early 2023.

My Uncanny Destiny (24 x 30min, filmed in autumn 2021, released Jan 2023) My favorite comedy of the year. Don't get turned off by the toilet jokes, it's a gem that spoofs drama tropes, gives you a coherent plot, silliness, fun side characters, a ML that is not afraid of being silly and a FL that plays capable and silly well. This might be a low budget production but they put that money to work. Politics, cross-dressing, found family, sisterhood, enemies to lovers, third wheel bisexual who reminds me of Wen Kexing, over the top villain, himbo villain who works out shirtless all the time, it got it all.

Wulin Heroes (22 x 45min, filming started Nov 2020, released Jan 2023) I watched this for Li Hongyi and he is incredibly beautiful in this so props to his stylist and cinematographer. BUT it is a badly written and edited low budget romp. If you are not watching for any actor then do not bother. FL is bearable once you realize she is very much of a lets see where this goes kind of character. 2nd ML is a suffering captive prince turned whiny regent played by Zhu Zanjin. So if you want to see Jin GuangYao suffer, you might like his scenes?? It can totally be read as a throuple especially with the New Tales of Wulin Heroes mini series add on. The choppiness might also be a result of the dangai ban??

No Doubt in us (24 x 14min, 2021, donghua) saw this on netflix and it roped me in with the body switch trope. It's sufficiently entertaining. Though I didn't enjoy the animation style apart from the chibi scenes.)

Heaven Official's Blessing (season 1, 11 x 26min, 2020, Donghua) It's THAT story and the art style is so pretty. I haven't read the books yet but still got what was going on most of the time. Liked it a lot. Haven't watched the 2nd season yet)

The Journey of Chong Zi (40 x 45min, filming started in June 2021, released Feb 2023) This xianxia is a mess! But it gave Scorpion King Li Daikun another memorable role with being the FL's protector. Watching Wang Zhoucheng having a ball with his role was fun. Immortal turned demon Wan Jie is so handsome and tragic. It did draw me in but the main couple is just ick so every time they were apart it immediately got better. ML's refusal to take the antidote to ease his obsession was lmao, FL is naive but charming and her demon styling rocks (do not get the hate on the actress, she is selfmade and there are many bad pretty face actresses around but I guess antis attract antis). Oh and there is a bromance between two of Chong Zi's harem members

Till the End of the Moon (40 x 55min, started filming in Nov 2021, released April 2023) aka my brain rot drama of the year. Drawn in from episode 1 on. Bai Li and Luo Yunxi <3 Pian Ran, Ye Qingyu, Nian Baiyu and Si Ying. <3 I was spamming tumblr with my screenshots, it was a jolly good time to watch this epic tale of love and suffering and saving the world dilemma with a great cast, characters, costumes, sets and soundtrack with the cdrama ppl of tumblr. If this weren't too complicated for cdrama newbies I'd recommend it to all my friends. Do not skip the dream arc (I ended up liking it) or later stuff will make less sense. I'm still annoyed that we didn't get a good extra episode that wraps up some lose ends for the main side characters and that reunion of the main characters but Youku really went nah we better play it safe with censors not liking happy ends for morally grey characters.

My Queen (24 x 45min, filmed in 2020, released Jul 2021) An FL enters a romance adventure VR game drama that I watched because I needed some fluff between TtEotM episodes. Why pick this among any other sufficiently entertaining dramas that are probably better written and not as forgetable? Because I wanted to watch Hu Wei (rich nepo baby in The Blood of Youth) in another comedy role >_> and ridiculous overacting he did deliver

The Trust (30 x 45min, filmed early 2021, released Apr 2023) The life action adaptation of the manhua No doubt in us is based on. I dunno why I finished this, I guess I'm not a quitter and needed silly stuff to balance TtEotM angst. For some reason the director thought it would be a good idea to film this like a donghua and it is causing 2nd hand embarrassment. The ML cannot pull off being a woman in a man's body, not even a martial arts nerd like Xu Yu. Like Wulin Heroes it was filmed before the dangai ban but that didn't stop them from having at least two bromances.

Wanru's Journey (24 x 35min, filming started in Jun 2021, released May 2023) A mess. So IQIYI released this simply to ride on the wave of Ao Ruipeng's The Blood of Youth popularity. Because this got so chopped down because of the dangai ban and it probably wasn't good to begin with. Basically an actress transmigrates into a dangai screenplay and gets between the leads while also making money by writing fic about them (ok this is my reading but she DID release fic and drawings of them). Of course it takes an unnecessarily dramatic turn, instead of staying on the comedy side, cannot remember more of the plot, oops.

King is not Easy (20ep x 30min, released Aug 2017) I watched this for the body switch trope and Bai Lu. Nice to see her actual face before the fair skin filter got her, entertaining enough, badly written silly comedy with mind mindbogglingly contrived final 4 episodes. It's Bai Lu's drama debut so it's nice to see how far she got

Destined (40ep x 45min, filming started in Jun 2022, released June 2023) Highly enjoyable. Fell in love with Bai Jingting. What's not to love about a playboy getting put on his path by his wife and them becoming friends, sworn siblings and then lovers in the process? No this is actually about FL finding her thing (trade) and being wildly successful at it, then it's also political, revenge and more. The leads are extremely charming and have great chemistry (the drama suffers every time they are apart lbr) and the writing is good, though people are too perfect and I wasn't into the whole palace stuff.

My Journey to You (24 ep x 60min, filming started Dec 2022, released Sep 2023) Had me from episode 1 on. Made me buy IQIYI VIP so I can watch it in good quality. Fell in love with Zhang Linghe. Yu Shuxin needs to do all the wuxia while she is still fit. Why waste being able to do the splits on some modern drama? The director sent her mud wrestling and she went for it. Everyone knows she is pretty no need for her to be beautifully put together on screen 24/7. Love the style, the character introductions, the characters, the cast, the chemistry, the story, the way you expect something and something else is going on. While it started out gloomy and remained so for the most part, it surprised me with throwing in more comedy than I expected. The good old idle manchild gets thrown into a position of power story but it's a murderous martial arts clan against another murderous martial arts clan. It's giving you some information but often just enough for getting what's going on just to play with your expectations later, FUN! And I didn't even mention all the other characters because surprise! this is actually an ensemble drama with several intriguing characters. Do not expect for the two leads to be on screen all the time.

Hilarious Family (24ep x 45min, started filming in June 2022 (?), released Sept 2023) A fun ensemble comedy I watched for Jackie Li. A widow moves to another city to marry off her 4 daughters (a silly man-crazy one, a homely one, a scholar one and a tomboy one). No it's not Pride and Prejudice but yes of course this is a romcom and all women have a love interest. It kind of drops off later on tbh, but still good for the characters and side characters. The success of this in China hopefully means that Jackie Li will get to be getting more comedies to work in after the Queen Lau disaster and people having a problem with her artist alias in 2022.

Hello There (20ep x 30min, released Jan 2023) I stumbled on this on IQIYI while looking for a light fast watch that will let my brain relax. The ML's best acting moment is when he plays a wooden robot. FL is fun. There are some questionable scenes, standard low budget action comedy fare.

An Ancient Love Song (14ep x 30 min, released June 2023) A wonderfully written and executed grown up time traveling story, that shows once again that you don't need a big budget to tell a story that draws you in. Ended my palace politics blockade. All this time traveling and no reincarnation in sight. ;_;

Story of Kunning Palace (38ep x 45min, filming started in May 2022, released Nov 2023) Tieing 2nd with My Journey to You for brainrot drama of the year. The cinematography is questionable, the story is not for teaching perfect courting behavior but those two are just such a good cp in their awkward messy way. Their friends/sidekicks are fun too and bring some comedy to that story though crazy in love ML is serving some comedy too. Props to ZLH for actually trying to grasp the basics of playing qin and not just waving over the strings like other dramas deem it sufficient. Bai Lu is Bai Lu-ing, gathering her harem. Coming into this right after An Ancient Love Song the idea to defeat destiny this time around seemed hopeless to me but this is one of those they are good at making plans and they turn out mostly alright dramas. I hope those two's material for the next years is as good as the two dramas with them I watched in 2023, fingers crossed!

Currently watching: A Journey to Love and Taoism Grandmaster as well as 2/3 through a LbFaD rewatch that I started in summer.

I also watched a handful of modern dramas (made in Korea and Japan) and some mini-dramas, but that is for another post.

And yes my most watched actors are probably those uncles stuck in Hengdian, might look that up another day.

If I got the time to blog about a drama I usually do it with screenshots so my tag for those posts is excuse my bad quality screenshots. In other cases I just reblog and put my thoughts in the tags.

[quietlyqueering]

I'm gonna write down a bit about the hospital stay for my hysterectomy. Mostly, so that I remember it better.

Four days before the surgery I had to go to the hospital and do all the admission stuff and had my talks with the surgeon and the anaesthetist where I could also ask if I had any more questions. They also gave me a syringe for thrombosis protection that I had to inject the evening before surgery.

On the day of surgery I wasn't allowed to eat or drink and I had to be in hospital at 7 am. There I had to change into the surgery gown and pants and was informed that I needed to shave my pubic area, so I did that. I also had some blood taken. Shortly after, I was wheeled to the surgery preparation where I changed into another bed, got my IV and all the monitoring devices and was then put under.

I don't remember much of the rest of the day because I was extremely tired after. I just remember that I felt like I needed to pee really badly and tried to get up several times because it hadn't quite sunk in that I just had surgery and shouldn't move. My brain somehow couldn't comprehend the people telling me that I had a catheter, so I didn't actually needed to pee and that I should stay in bed. They had to put the rails up on the sides of my bed because of that. The most part of the day I spent sleeping, I ate like 1/5 of a slice of bread and a pickle for dinner and then slept again. The nurse looking after me was really nice and also complimented me on my name which made me happy.

The first day after surgery I woke up and was in a moderate amount of pain but still to sleepy to really care. In the morning the catheter and the tamponade (some stuff that was in the vagina to prevent bleeding) were removed which was mostly uncomfortable and not very painful. Later that morning the doctors came, had a look at my wounds, removed the drain I had in one of my sutures and was told that everything had gone well. After that I was allowed to get up (the first time with help) and try peeing which worked quite well. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and reading and calling my parents to tell them I was fine (the day before I had only managed a short text).

On the second day after surgery I was way more awake and started to walk around my room for a bit. I was still in a significant amount of pain but could alway get pain meds when it got to bad. Most of the time I read or listened to music and I also slept a bit during the day. The doctors only checked in shortly to ask if everything was alright and to tell me that I was allowed to take a shower now. So I did that because I felt a bit greasy and disgusting. It was exhausting but managable. I was also told that day that I needed to get my bowel movement going before I could leave. As that still hadn't happened by the evening, I then got a laxative.

The next night was a bit more uncomfortable because the laxative was working its way through my stomach but by the early morning I could finally poop. That meant I could leave onthe third day after surgery. In the morning the doctor had a final look at my insides via ultrasound and removed the last bandaid. She also showed me some pictures from during the surgery. I was then given some more thrombosis syringes for the next few days ( I hate them; I hate needles and it's painful a lot of the time) and waited for my ride to pick me up and drive me home. During that wait I realised that the wound where the bandaid had been removed had been bleeding quite a lot so for the next few hours I had some very bloody pants. But fortunately by the time I realised this, it had already stopped bleeding.

Okay, that was a long post. If you've read it and still have questions feel free to ask them (here or in the asks).

Edit: I was told that I'm not allowed to lift more than 5 kg and do sports for 6 weeks after surgery. The stitches get removed 7 days after surgery. Also I'm still in enough pain to take pain killers 2-3 times a day.

[numinousmysteries]

Vanquish by Wisdom Hellish Wiles (6/9)

On AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

@today-in-fic

As they drove, Scully shut her eyes and tried to return to the liminal state where she could feel her son’s presence. Instead of the visions she’d been experiencing all day, though, she was flooded with memories—the same memories that had been haunting her for fifteen years. 

The first time she held William after giving birth. Monica Reyes had handed him to her wrapped in a towel and she reached out to stroke his impossibly soft cheek. She knew she must’ve been losing blood at a rapid rate since her field of vision was narrowing and her head felt light and fuzzy, but the high-pitched wail of her newborn son tethered her in place and kept her from slipping out of consciousness. He’s here, he’s alive, he’s okay, she repeated to herself.

Mulder told her she was awake when he found them and carried them both onto the helicopter he’d arrived in, but the next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital bed with Mulder sitting beside her holding their baby in his arms.

“What happened?” she asked him, trying to get a grip on her surroundings.

“Hey,” Mulder said, smiling at her. “You’re both okay. You lost a lot of blood but you’re going to be okay.”

Scully reached for the baby and Mulder gently passed the sleeping bundle over to her, helping her sit up so she could support him. 

“Is he alright?” she asked. 

“He’s perfect. Ten out of ten Apgar score, nearly nine pounds. Had a lot to say when we first got here but he’s calmed down now.” 

She felt sore everywhere and exhausted but she also couldn’t remember the last time she was this happy. The thrill of finding out she was pregnant was tempered by Mulder’s disappearance. His eventual return was strained by anxiety over her baby’s health and Mulder’s feelings of not fitting into her life. 

But now she felt relief for the first time in months. All three of them were healthy, safe, and together at last. In that moment, she couldn’t have known how short-lived their reprieve from the darkness would be. 

“You good, Scully?” She heard Mulder ask from the driver’s seat of the car, bringing her back to the present. 

"Yeah,” she said, opening her eyes and turning to him. “I’m fine.”

He grinned at her but raised his eyebrows in doubt. 

“Sorry,” she said. “Force of habit. 

“Just don’t conk out on me again. I’m not ready to check you out of a hospital against medical advice for a third time in one day.” 

“I’m just trying to think where he could be.”

  “Any luck?” Mulder asked. 

Scully shook her head. “Mulder, I want to find him so badly. I know we need to find him, but at the same time I’m afraid. He won’t even know who we are. And how could he not hate me for giving him away?”

“Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it,” Mulder said.

He reached over and squeezed her hand but she didn’t feel reassured. For fifteen years her decision to put their son up for adoption had hovered over the two of them like a dark cloud, heavy with rain that had yet to fall. 

She blamed herself for sending Mulder away shortly after William’s birth and she knew Mulder blamed himself for listening to her and leaving. He never told her she made the wrong choice by giving William up, but she knew he had to resent her. It was a conversation they danced around for over a decade but refused to actually engage in. 

“You never would have let me do it if you had stayed,” she said.

A moment passed. His hand tightened on the steering wheel.

“You can’t say that, Scully. I wasn’t there. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for you.”

“But I know you,” she said, feeling conviction swelling within her. “You never compromise when it comes to the people you love. You never take half-measures or seek the easy way out. When I was dying from cancer, you risked everything to find a cure you had no evidence would actually work. The smoking man offered you everything you could have wanted—my health, your sister—and you still never sacrificed your convictions.” 

“Scully–” 

“No, Mulder, let me finish. If you were there, you would have found a way for us to keep him safe. I know you would have. I just wasn’t strong enough.” Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes welled up with tears.

This is the point in the conversation where one of them would evade or run away—he’d turn to his work or she’d retreat back to her cold new apartment intentionally free of any personal memories. But they were stuck together now in this car, stuck in motion hurtling inevitably toward the absent center of their lives.

Mulder’s silence told her everything she needed to know. He resented her. 

“Please, say something,” she begged. 

“If our intel from the Gunmen is accurate and these visions you’re having are truly coming from William, which I’m inclined to believe they are, then we know he’s alive,” Mulder said, finally, keeping his eyes on the road straight ahead. “That fact alone proves you didn’t make the wrong choice. We can’t change what happened, but we can do everything we can to save him now.” 

Scully nodded. It was comforting to know that her son was alive but she once again felt the heavy burden of protecting him. She’s failed before and she couldn’t afford to fail again. This time, the fate of the planet hung in the balance as well. 

“What if I can’t see him again?” she asked.

“You will,” Mulder said. “I know you will.” 

Miles passed by without any visions. They crossed state lines into Georgia and she realized it was the first time she’s been in the state since William’s birth. In all the criss-crossing of the country they did during their years on the run they never returned here. It wasn't a decision they discussed but rather an unspoken agreement to avoid treading on uncomfortable topics.

She remembered driving down here from DC with Monica and how uncomfortable she felt the entire way. Not only was she heavily pregnant, her back aching and both her legs falling asleep under her weight from hours on the road, but she was terrified of what would happen once she arrived. Would Billy Miles find her and steal her baby away? And how could she know Mulder was safe? 

It was only the kicks and rhythmic motion of her unborn child that gave her the strength to keep going. She had to stay strong for both of them. 

On the road with Mulder now, her hand absentmindedly traveled to her flat stomach. No matter how many years had gone by, she could still vividly remember the feeling of fluttering beneath her skin. 

A sudden bright flash of light interrupted her thoughts. The image of the road in front of her was replaced with a vision of a tarmac full of small planes. A semi-truck pulled up nearly right next to a small jet and was met by a black sedan. Two suited men exited the sedan and walked around to the passenger side of the truck’s cab. There’s a teenage boy inside with his wrists and ankles bound. Scully could the rough plastic ties as if they were on her own body. The boy screamed and she felt goosebumps erupt on her skin. 

"We said don’t do anything stupid,” the shorter suited man said. “This is what you get for not listening.”

The two men were now on either side of the boy dragging him out of the truck and up a small flight of stairs onto the jet. 

“Stop!” The boy screamed and Scully heard the word coming from her own throat. She gasped, opening her eyes and once again finding herself in the car alongside Mulder.

“Scully!” He shouted, abruptly pulling over to the side of the road. “What the fuck was that?” 

  She panted for air and her heart rattled in her chest. “Mulder, turn around.”

"Why? What did you see?”

“They’re putting him on a plane. They’re taking him to Spartanburg. We have to go back to that house.” 

“Shit,” he said. “Are you sure?”

She’s still shaken up and can only nod. 

Mulder grabbed her wrist with one hand and used the other to steer them back onto the road. They were on the highway with no exit in sight, so Mulder drove across the grassy median to the shocked honking of the other vehicles on the road.

“Good to have a badge again, huh, Scully?” He looked over at her with a smile that failed to hide his fear. 

“Just drive,” she said.