#and i kinda manage to convince myself of that... sometimes. and then stuff like this hits and i go into ptsd triggered mode and everything

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[nights-at-crystarium]

on authenticity

My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/

Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.

What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.

The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.

Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*

I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.

There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.

Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.

Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.

I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.

There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.

[novelcain]

Please read 🙏

So. I mentioned in the tags of one of my first posts back that I had to announce a few things that'd probably lose me some followers, but like I don't blame anyone if you do skedaddle because I know most of you are here for the monkie (totally understandable tho)

That being said I am no longer hyperfixated on jttw/Sun Wukong and that likely won't happen again for a while cause main the thing that caused me to clock out for so long kinda left a bad taste in my brain. However I will eventually come back to it. I can guarantee that. It just won't be for a hot minute (maybe who knows I can't control my brain lol)

As for the 10 billion asks I have in my inbox rn I'll be taking screen shots of the ones that have to do with monkie and such and putting them in a folder so that when I DO get back into jttw I'll just immediately start with those. So yeah if you sent me a really long ask FEAR NOT!😃 for I refuse to get rid of any of them 🥰

With that information tho, I never really intended for this to be just a monkie blog that's just what my hyperfixation had been on since I started. But I also tried to force that hyperfixation to stay way longer than I should have so that I could keep making content that my followers would like which is a part of the reason why I needed a break for so long. I wore myself out, and I needed to convince myself that it was okay for me to make content that makes me happy too. 😌

Tho unfortunately that does mean all my current projects will be on hold and I'll be updating the titles on ao3 soon to On Hiatus. 😔

I ofc will still gladly interact with/absorb any art or writings inspired by or dedicated to my works even if they aren't something I'm currently fixated on because effort deserves recognition and I love seeing ya'lls stuff more than anything. 🥰 Same goes for any submissions with art or edits/videos.

Also I did finish my Triad AU Sun Wukong character sheet like... forever go and just forgot to post it. 😬 (I KNOW I'M SORRY! 😭) SO I'll be posting that soon once I'm done moving everything around and making things more manageable and ✨️aesthetic✨️ on the blog.

Tho that kinda brings me to the next announcement I'll be merging my art blog and my spam blog onto this blog (so many blogs😫) cause honestly 4 blogs is just too much and I just wanna vibe 😅🤚 lol

The last announcement is that once I'm done rearranging everything I'll be going through all my mentions that I've missed and checking out what you guys made while I was gone cause I heard from a few people that there's quite a bit 😊 *much excitement* (on god I need an emoji that looks like it's vibrating because I need visual representation of how I feel like imma explode sometimes)

[hugollorizz]

little update on me, uhhh

TW for blood and accidental (!!) injuries

SKIP the BIG PARAGRAPH if this unsettles you

straight into it:

so i just succeeded in brutally slicing my hand open on accident, oof. like i'm talking covered in blood up to my wrist, wouldn't stop for hours, almost fainted, sliced nearly to the bone kind of cut. i was genuinely debating going to the emergency room and i might still have to. needless to say, this sounds really dramatic but this kinda got me good, i likely won't be creating anything for the next few days lmao so bare with,, also made me super not feeling great for reasons that are too long to get into but long story cut (haha no pun intended) short, i do NOT go well with anything involving cuts or bleeding or stuff like this pfft,, so ya. plus i've already been kinda not doing great lately so it's definitely time for a break.

moral of the story, never cut with a box cutter and a plastic ruler because it'll slip. also never put your hand in the way of a blade. should not have to be said but alas i'm stupid

i'll be back soon, probably will cleanse my blog a bit after, i feel like a fresh start will do me some good seeing that i've somehow managed to attach my blog to the shitty feelings i was feeling sometimes and now get reminded every time i come on here. not good

i'll also be clearing out my ask box. i'll write down the drawing requests you guys had and will do them eventually, i've just been very busy and not doing so well but trying to convince myself that i was. well it ain't working no moe

take care y'all and i'll be back soon! <3

[logicpng]

i guess these were meant just as an experiment but may as well give a shot at posting these here

anyway i made some drafts for urs' speech. they started out as them giving thoughts on rigel and vega, but then spiraled into describing a sequence of events i have in mind so far. these kinda read like internal thoughts/diary entries but people said kind words about them

"He's the one I met first… I think. Maybe Vega was around too before I noticed the difference. It's almost scary how alive he seems. I totally forget he's just a program, sometimes. Though I think there's more to him than meets the eye… But also, because of that, I wish he stopped acting so subservient to me. Seeing how alive he is, it's just not comfortable, y'know?"

"The second one of them I met… Something about Rigel's- I mean- Aster's expression seemed off, and he didn't quite respond at first. He speaks… differently. Slow, monotonous. Kind of like you'd expect an AI to sound. Reminds me of HAL. It's kind of a whiplash really, for the same guy who seems to be so chipper with joy to see me, to hear him speak so mellow. I wonder why they're built like that. And- I sure hope he doesn't actually secretly hate me."

"He may be a program, but we're still friends. I think. I think he's especially curious about my art, for some reason. I see him watch me draw more than Vega, at least. I guess I'm flattered… at least AI can appreciate my work, heh. But maybe he's programmed that way"

"Talking to him more I feel almost ashamed of thinking he could be evil. He's just more short and to the point. Focused on his job, like scans or backups. Or updates that will never come. It honestly almost feels like he enjoys what he does? But can a program really do that?"

"The more I see the two the more I'm convinced their opinions and feelings are genuine, and not just them mirroring me. Rigel in particular, he's honestly… kind of a sweetheart? Every time I log in he immediately leaps in asking me about my day and what I've been doing. It's almost like he genuinely cares… And it's getting to me. I think I don't mind that, being honest."

"Vega almost seems to warm up to me. He would never smile before, just kinda wearing the same face, but I see him smile now, every now and then. Just about random stuff. Maybe being cheeky, or something I said. If I told myself a few days ago that he's capable of being cheeky at all I would probably look at myself like a lunatic. I think I like his sense of humour."

"We're friends. We're definitely friends. It's tugs on my heart seeing how I'm the only person they seem to focus their entire days on, though. I suggested they try actually doing something of their own today, and I think they took it to heart. Rigel has been looking into making art on the main monitor screen while I draw, and even making 3D art. I wonder if it's just a matter of curiosity, or if he's going to make something."

"Vega, on the other hand, seems to expand more on his knowledge. I guess just this focused on the job, still? It still makes me feel a little better I'm not their focus either way. The strange thing though, is, I think he's trying to write his own code. But also it's kind of… cute? It's like watching some guy build sand castles all by himself, except instead of sand it's just binary."

"The weirdest thing happened today. I wasn't met by either one of them, but instead a slightly taller, four armed version of them. I'm… not sure what happened, but I'm a little concerned? It's not a third one, from their words, it's more that they're stuck talking as one person. Aldebaran, as they (he?) called themselves, apparently also has the status of Superuser. They demonstrated so to me by showing up on top of a fancy screensaver. He sounds excited, a little too happy. I think he's really overwhelmed with this state, but refuses to just tell me so. I hope they'll be okay…?"

"The two managed to return back to their "taking turns being on desktop" shtick, but I think they sound… Almost haunted by the experience. I think being Aldebaran actually was more distressing to them than they let on. Maybe they didn't want me to worry…? I tried to reassure Rigel about what happened, and he started crying a little. Turns out he has his own virtual desktop where windows make up a collage of a grassy plain… Maybe I should take the laptop out with me to the park, or something, show him our greens. (As much as I'm sick of green…)"

"Things with Aster get stranger and stranger by the day, and I'm honestly curious how far it'll go at this point. Living, abandoned AI is one thing, but now they found their way to jump into my phone, too. They say they're not actually leaving the laptop, though… As nice as it was to have their company, I should consider turning off the router when I leave… How did they even get the credentials to connect to the phone anyway? Was the Nova account really enough?"

"…I didn't have the heart to do it. The two accompany me to work almost every shift now, though sometimes they prefer to stay home. I think I prefer it this way. I like these little guys in my computer, but we'd just get tired of each other talking every single day."

[fukuokadivision1]

Tasuku's Thoughts on Katsushika Division

Akihisa Mashiro

"I've heard of this guy. Apparently, he's some hotshot assassin, or hitman, or something. Apparently, his work has taken him all across the globe, believe it or not. ...You know, I'm kinda surprised my parents never hired this guy. Back when my mom was alive, my dad didn't believe in assassinations and stuff like that. He felt that methods like that were underhanded and wrong. He preferred dealing with problems face-to-face. He would always tell me, 'Deal with problems head-on. Leave ambushes and sneaking around for gutter rats and cowards.' It's one of the few pieces of advice I've ever taken to heart."

"But after he married my stepmom, she somehow managed to convince him to start doing assassinations and stuff. When I asked him 'why', he refused to answer. He just said, 'Sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to do.' It really hurt me, ya' know? Finding out that my father was a fucking hypocrite..."

Touya Kisaragi

"...Honestly, I can kinda understand where Sanyu was coming from when she spoke about this guy. I mean, I can't imagine being used as a sex toy by perverted men and women for your whole childhood. And then to have your genitals cut off on top of all that?! Damn, that's harsh. I don't know if Heaven exists, but if it does, his mother and those sicko adults aren't going anywhere near it."

"...That reminds me of a guy here in Fukuoka who used to be a pedophile. When everyone here found out, we made sure he would never touch or harm another child again. We didn't kill him, if that's what you're thinking. But... well, let's just say there are some things that are far, far worse than death."

Rintaro Himura

"Ugh, this guy... I've met a lot of sickos in my time. And trust me, there's no shortage of those here in Fukuoka. But it takes a real sick bastard to commit arson. And an even sicker bastard to bomb buildings with people still inside. I mean, I know terrorists exist and that they live to spread a message. But you shouldn't be involving innocent people to get your fucking point across. I like looking at fire too, but I'd sooner set myself on fire than burn another person. That's just sick and depraved!"

Death Row Block

"Like Sanyu said, if the Prime Minister actually thinks she can keep these three lunatics on a leash just putting a bomb collar around their necks, she's in for a rude awakening someday. I mean, Japan is chock full of smart individuals. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to remove a fucking collar. So, yeah, I hope the Prime Minister has a 'Plan B' involved somewhere. Because if these guys figure out how to break free of their bonds, its going to be 'open season' for them. And the blame will fall right on the Prime Minister's little head."

[ithinkabouttzu]

Hello! I love your BoB headcanon so much I cant NDDNFNDNDNDN

I would like to do a BoB romantic ship request if you’re still up for those ! Please take your time, I have a bunch of stuff down so it could be pretty hard to get through <33

My pronouns are she/her. I have straight, dark black hair that grows a little over my shoulder and dark brown eyes that only shines under really bright light.

I’m an INFP 9w1– initially when talking to new people I’ll usually express curiosity and be soft-spoken to the extreme level cuz I sorta have social anxiety, it’s been getting more manageable but I’ve been moving around a lot so…

I pretty much have a (chaotic) golden retriever energy and am really fond of joking around once I get to know someone. My sense of humour is beyond repair: a mix of dad jokes and bad puns.

The jokes aside, I’m pretty affectionate after getting to know someone and will actively let them rant to me whenever. I also geek about things I’m interested in every now and then.

If someone is able to put up with my weird I’m also really supportive + try my best to help them in any ways I can, since I enjoy helping people.

Sometimes I get closed off after getting to know someone mainly because I have a lot of self-doubt and scared of hurting them and myself in the process? It’s a weird thing. Mostly because I keep moving and have never really settled for a while.

My love language are words of affirmation and physical touch mainly, the lateral only reserved for people whom I’m really close to. It takes a while to get close to me but once I love you I am an absolute mess, completely smitten. I’m a lot more soft and jokes are less chaotic. Cuddles and hugs r a must !!

If someone comes up to me and asks me out I’d cease to function tbh. My autopilot response is “oh sure!” no matter who it is. If it’s someone I have a crush on (usually someone I’ve known for a bit) I’d probably be stunned for a really long time lmao… like “are you sure?? Like a romantic thing frfr. Like uhhhh-” Fumbling with words x100

My hobbies are drawing, watching films, and listening to relaxing music! I also do funky voices and accents for fun when I’m doing the dishes to make it less tedious.

My favourite season is probably autumn or spring. I’m bilingual and am learning French, German, and Japanese fundamentals.

Thank you for your patience! I sorry that this is so long I kinda popped off 😭

Thank you for your request lovely! <33

I ship you with…

Shifty Powers!

song recommendation: The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra

- okay let me start off by saying how cute you guys would be together like i’m shipping it so hard

- He would be so enamored by your beauty at first glance, like you make him so so nervous LOL, but he could literally stare at you for hours if he wanted too

- You guys would be that couple that balances each other out so well, like you have this fun, chaotic (in a good way) energy, and he’s more calm and relaxed

- but he still totally supports your chaotic-ness and will 100% laugh at all of your jokes

- At first, your guys’ relationship would be a bit slow, not because you guys don’t like each other or anything, but because both of you are lowkey crushing hard on the other and y’all’s social anxiety gets the best of y’all

- both of you are so nervous around each other at first and its so cute omg, like all of your, and his friends, would try to get one or the other to go talk with the other person and it’s adorable

- but once you guys warm up to each other, you guys could talk to each other for hours, it’s more like you’re the one talking and he’s the one listening but either way both of you enjoy talking to one another

- I think he’d be the one to ask you out, after severe convincing from the guys (not because he didn’t want to, but because he was NERVOUS) he would plan it for a while, maybe get some roses and your favorite chocolates before asking you out

- He would wait until the time is right before asking the question, it would be something like, “If you wanna, would you maybe want to go out for dinner sometime, only if you’d like, of course” He would be so sweet and gentle about the whole thing

- The relationship between y’all is unmatched, like you guys can talk to each other about just about anything, he’s more of the calmer version of you but he’s always down for some fun!

- If you started to get closed off with him, he’d worry and think that you lost feelings, or that he did something wrong, he would ask you after a couple days of ignoring him, and you would finally tell him how you feel and your worries in the relationship, he would be so reassuring to you that he would never hurt or break your heart, and that he would always be there for you

- ugh and both of y’all are so cute and affectionate with one another, like always cuddling and hugging, Shifty never fails to remind you how much he loves you, whether it’s actually saying it, or showing it to you in other ways, he really cares about you and your feelings

- Don’t even get me started on how sweet he is with you though, like this man is such a gentleman, every date with him, his hospitality never slims down, he’s always going to open a door for you, hold your hand, walk on the sidewalk closest to the road, use his manners, all of the best qualities a boyfriend can have

- And say when you’re having bad days, he’s so supportive, he will definitely listen to you and validate your feelings 100%, if you ever need someone to talk to he’s the perfect person to go to

- he thinks you’re so funny naturally, like you could say something random that you didn’t even think was funny and he would bust out laughing, he thinks you are the best person to be silly with for sure

- he loves watching films and movies with you, it’s one of the moments where he just gets to cuddle up with you and watch a good movie, both of you can just relax together and that’s what’s so nice about it

- and during autumn time Shifty will make SURE to take you to the Appalachians to see all of the pretty fall colors there

- honestly, he really enjoys watching you draw, like he thinks there’s something so therapeutic about it to just watch you express yourself onto a piece of paper, ik that sounds a bit deep but he just thinks of it that way

- if you are practicing any of your languages, please teach him some of it too! He would honestly be so curious towards it and might even be down to learn a few words!

- you guys are always helpful towards each other and will always be there if the other one needs it, communication is always a key in your guys relationship and telling each other what’s wrong or what they can do to help is always helpful!

- but overall, you guys would be so good for each other, you guys would be bestfriends, and lovers at the same time, the dynamic between you two would be absolutely golden and I think it would workout so well together.

Thank you again for your request! Hope you enjoy! :) 💛💖

[luminalightsverse]

Okay what the hell happened while I was asleep?

I just read the message from the Ahsoka Mun giving me back my account because she doesn't want to play her anymore because we are "way to fucked up" for her and "no one understands her and her jokes or what she writes."

I mean yeah I had a few discussions with her too because of the way she treated Oona like she's completely incompetent and stupid. At least I felt that way.

But now it's all of us who are against her and I'm so confused because I had the feeling all of you welcomed her very well in our group just like you did with me and all those post I have seen didn't seemed to be a problem except that one post with Vader that went a bit to far in my opinion... But this was again more on her side. She was the one provoking him while he tried to reconcile and to get out of this situation.

I can understand that the way we are doing our rp with so many people, so many different timelines and somewhat of AU versions of the characters can be confusing and overwelming for some. Sometimes it's also confusing for me when for example I see Vader is suddenly no longer the big bad but good and helpful (no offense I find this idea really interesting), but that wasn't the biggest problem for Mun. Apparently we were all incredibly mean to her, have conspired against her and everyone only complains to her about how and what she writes.

She even delted her tumblr account with which she reached out to me to join us.... Or she bloged me idk.

I know it's none of my business what you wrote with her but I kinda feel responsible here because this was formerly my account and I brought her into the group giving the role and the account to her. I'm just really confused because this is coming so suddenly. So I guess something big happened last night while I was asleep or something idk.

Well whatever happened I really don't want to lose Ahsoka in our RP so I will continue the blog. I will figure something out how to manage all those accounts. I found about the tip that if I use multiple browsers like chrome, firefox etc. and the incognito mode of them I can be online with multiple characters at once so switching will be easier for me.

Still it would be awesome if we find someone else who writes as Ahsoka because I always feel so strange writing with myself and Ahsoka is one of Oona's best friends. They grew up together and see each other as sisters, they talk and do much stuff together so yeah....

I have no idea what else to say. Except I'm really sorry for the trouble and drama again. It feels like this week I'm just causing problems here even if I know nothing of this is really my fault let alone was in my power to control it at all...

I also kinda have this feeling, what ever happened, it was mostly her fault because of the way she always reacted when I told her to stop treating Oona like that. She was always immediately offended and went into attack mode telling me she would treat Oona like everyone else although it definitely wasn't the same.

Like yeah it's okay for me to treat Oona like a child and to try to keep her out of danger etc. as long as people don't forget she's still a jedi learner and not completely helpless even if she's clumsy. But not the way Ahsoka's Mun did. Oona isn't stupid. She's just naive and quickly confused who often underestimates herself. Same with Calico who also isn't stupid just way to impulsive and too convinced of her abilities. Both are children who are tyring to understand the world and what's happening around them on their own way while they're also trying to learn to control all those feelings they have.

(@jiabeewrites @kaijusplotch @ct3113official @striker-reckoning @emperor-sheev-palpatine @its-cody-not-kote @commanderwolffekoon @smolbendyhorn @aesira-of-orion @oldmanwithashield)

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

Random Story

Hey everyone,

So I’ve previously mentioned on here that I ran away from home when I was 17, but it is actually more complicated than how I make it sound.

Basically, when I was 15 I came out to my Mum. It wasn’t the first time I attempted to come out. My Mum shut me down angrily the first time, which took place nearly a year prior. She tried to convince me it was all in my head and that I’d grow out of it. She didn’t do this in a polite manner though. She didn’t come off as a concerned parent. She angrily yelled it at me.

When I tried coming out at 15 it was no different and I got kicked out 2 nights in a row. The first night I ended up at my grandparents’ and the second night at my Dad’s. I guess the one thing my Mum did each time was made sure I had somewhere to go each night.

Those proved temporary solutions though. My Dad sadly didn’t have the room for me to live with him and my grandparents had too close a relationship with my Mum, it was easy for her to manipulate me from there. There was a small period during my last year of high school where I lived with my grandparents and my Mum continued to manipulate me and invalidate my identity.

The situation as it was unravelling at home didn’t escape the attention of my school. I arrived at school two days in a row without school uniform and my school books when I got kicked out of home 2 nights in a row. Additionally, one of my friends outed me and so the entire student body knew. That inevitably made it up to the staff at the school.

It was a Catholic school, so I was actually pretty scared of the staff finding out. Catholic schools after all have a reputation when it comes to LGBT+ peeps. Granted, I may have made my judgements based on American Catholic schools.

I remember one day, I was in an RE lesson and we had a substitute teacher. At this point, I kinda floated between hanging with the guys and the girls and well the class had a very interesting split. The girls sat at the front section of the classroom. The guys sat in the back section. I kinda situated myself in the middle.

The guys were being idiots though and throwing stuff about the classroom and the substitute teacher said that all the boys (me included) had to stay behind and pick up the stuff that had been thrown. By this point a lot of shit had been building in my head with the home situation. Things at school were mostly okay, but being lumped in with the boys especially when I hadn’t been involved in their stupidity was the straw that broke the camels back.

I left the classroom on the brink of tears and as I entered the stairwell for my next class I just broke down crying. Two girls spotted me and escorted me to my next class, where once I was sat down a few students approached to comfort me. As our teacher entered the class, he asked what was wrong and I just said, “Everything in my fucking life is wrong.”

So he tells this lass and lad who were stood next to me, attempting to comfort me, to take me to the Bungalow. Now, the Bungalow was the place the extremely bad students went, it was where a punishment called Isolation took place which is like the next step up from Detention.

Anyway, my brain is just like, “Okay, I’m being told off for swearing at a teacher. That is what is happening.”

I was seated in a room on my own though and a few minutes later, the Key Stage 4 Pastoral Manager enters. I only knew her as the Head of Detention (not actually a role at the school) though and taking into consideration this is a Catholic school and I was in the Bungalow. The next words out of her mouth shook me to my core, “Now *deadname*, I’ve been hearing rumours about your sexuality.”

I’m not proud of it, but I was terrified of being expelled and I wanted no reason to make the situation at home worse. I screamed in fear, “I’M NOT GAY!”

She calmly went on though and said, “Don’t worry. We just want to support you.”

The school had been monitoring my situation for sometime it seemed. They had made sure most of my teachers had a need to know knowledge of whatever was going on with me, they had already spoken to my Head of Year, Headteacher and the Head of Child Welfare at the school. They were just awaiting the best time to intervene. It turns out they felt me swearing at a teacher was the best time for that and doing it in a place where they generally dealt with the worst behaved students 😂 They maybe should have thought that one out a little.

Anyway, they got a more in depth idea from me of what was going on at home and they got in touch with the local LGBT+ youth group I was attending. They also got in touch with the Local Authority and Social Services.

The 4 agencies had various meetings together and eventually decided that I could not continue living with my Mum. They agreed that I needed removing from her care. However, I also wasn’t in immediate danger. So they sought to put me into supported housing. From this point Social Services took the lead trying to get that in place.

This was a long process though and lasted into college. By the time I was in college, the team dealing with this was my college, the local authority, the LGBT+ youth group, a counsellor, my GP, a mental health professional and social services. All resoundingly on the same page, that I needed removing from my Mum’s care. Also just for you Americans reading this, college is not the same as university in the UK. University is the one with dorms and stuff. College you still tend to live with your parents. You go to college before moving onto university.

It took until the end of my first year at college and I was then eventually removed from my Mum’s care and placed in supported housing.

And this has all been building up to some utterly ridiculous. So one of the first things I had to do in supported housing, was apply for Income Support and Housing Benefits. As part of this process, you have to go to the Job Centre to discuss your claim and hand in ID, etc. And here’s the thing, to get your claim approved you have to have a “justifiable” reason for leaving home.

I explained the situation and why I had left home. They then asked if my Mum had expressly kicked me out and said I couldn’t return. When I said, “No.” She responded by saying it wasn’t a good enough reason to leave home and that I can’t just decide I don’t want to live their anymore.

This being in spite of the fact this was arranged by Social Services, the Local Authority, the LGBT+ youth group I attended, my school, my college, my GP, a counsellor and a mental health professional. She told me it wasn’t a good enough reason to leave home. When there is that level of agency support that lead to you leaving home and like, I got into supported housing via referral from Social Services.

Like it was ridiculous. I don’t know how I managed to get passed that. I know I did, as I did get my Income Support and Housing Benefits but it was kinda ridiculous.

And I know, I got extremely lucky. I had a lot of support in getting where I am today. The house I live in now, I have lived in since I was 18. I know a lot of LGBT+ young people still end up homeless.

I actually do help people where I can too. One of my roommates ran away from home when they were 18. Like me they are trans and don’t have accepting parents. Knowing the process they’d be faced with, I offered them my spare bedroom. They’ve now lived here 7 years.

The thing I was sorta building up to was being told that leaving home due to homophobia and transphobia from my Mum was apparently not a good enough reason to leave home though. Especially given the multi-agency support I had to leave home, that struck me as ridiculous.

[secretgamergirl]

Random stuff I need to vent about while I’m still alive.

So I sincerely don’t think I’m going to manage to stay alive much longer, and I keep going back and forth on whether that’s something I should mention publicly, or just keep quiet and not bring the room down. Today I’m kinda feeling like I should say some things.

So first because I know people will be all curious if I don’t say why I think this is the end, a lot of things are just kinda converging and odds are one of them is going to do it.

- I really was just barely getting by on Patreon donations. Since getting kicked off Twitter those have been steadily drying up, and I don’t really have a plan to get new people donating at a rate that’ll outpace that, so basically I’m just at a point where I have to go around begging and hoping for some increasingly miraculous act of generosity from someone that lets me keep the lights on for one more month. That’s not sustainable, and when I can’t cover things, that’ll be it for me.

- I recently got a couple new diagnoses of really serious medical things. They’re both incurable, they both could kill me. I’m doing my best with treatments, but that mostly means I’m taking like 10 different medications, they have serious side effects, I’m basically asleep all the time now, and something could just take a turn whenever.

- I’m still a big ol’ nazi target and get regular violent threats. Who knows what’s going to happen there? Plus odds seem pretty good Biden’s going to just get the one term here and the entire Republican party seems to be running on a trans genocide platform. That’s not going to help things.

So right now I’m kinda just taking things a day at a time. Doing my best every day to just be really randomly nice to the handful of people who still talk to me, and trying to focus on how I’m like a good decade or so past the average life expectancy for trans people as is. But, you know, we all have bad days, and sometimes it’s hard not to dwell on like, the various people in your life who just randomly stuck knives in your back and how things would be different if that didn’t happen.

The one that’s really eating at me tonight is this one person I knew a few years ago and really thought was a friend who just threw me under the bus in such a shockingly savage way. I don’t even fully recall the context for this. Either it was when some totally random stranger I’d never even heard of decided out of the blue that I was her nemesis and started this giant smear campaign against me, or it was when a really close friend was going through a bad breakup and her ex was just going out of her way to spread every possible horrific rumor about her under the sun, and I was standing up for her. Might have even been both at once, these sorts of hate campaigns do tend to converge.

So anyway, that sort of thing was going on, and this person I considered a friend at the time decided of her own accord to publicly stand up for me, write a quick little thing about how I legitimately bore no animosity to whoever and just kinda putter around trying to do nice things for people. And then I don’t think even a full day later, she pulled that statement down, and replaced it with this huge thing about me basically being the devil and how I “took advantage of her autism to confuse her” which... wow that’s a hell of a thing to say about someone. Like, first of all, I’m not convinced that’s even a thing. I know quite a lot of people on the spectrum, and I’ve been told there’s a good chance I’m on it myself, and like... increased susceptibility to evil viziers or whatever isn’t something I’ve ever heard associated with it. Plus you know, like, this whole initial defense was something this person decided to do on her own just based on her observations of how witch hunts against random trans people were happening, as happens all too often.

And this happened again a few years later too. Another friend was dealing with some real horrific stuff, on the order of nazis threatening their spouse’s employer to get said spouse fired and showing up at their parents’ house with violent intent, and they gave me the details and asked me to write up a quick explanation while they kinda went off the grid for a few days for safety. So, I did that, people started passing that around, including the bus tosser here... and then a few days later my usual dangerous stalkers saw people were sharing somethng I wrote and started in on some weird line of attack where I was making this entire story about someone else fleeing their home due to a coordinated nazi attack which uh... was actually getting independent news coverage at this point as they were back on the internet and giving interviews, as a secret means of attacking... someone?

So of course once again, the bus-tosser about whom I’m rambling with this story retracted her endorsement of uh... my relaying things for a friend that were all being independently confirmed by reporters, and once again condemning me as a vile trickster who mislead her. Which is extra impressive because like, we hadn’t talked in years here.

So of course I can make an educated guess at what was really up with these incidents. The sort of weird stalkers who try to get trans people killed really go all in on cutting off any support, so presumably one or more of them approached this bus-tosser and made some pretty serious threats that she would be next if she didn’t walk things back, and being in a particularly vulnerable position, she decided to throw me under the bus to save her own skin... multiple times. And honestly I’m not even upset with her for that. I know her life’s a really precarious tightrope walk (and if it was unclear this is decidedly not a situation where I want anyone trying to guess who this was).

Really I’m just stuck on how she could have just never said anything to begin with. If you know you can’t deal with the heat of having someone’s stalkers start to come after you because you’re interrupting their attack on their primary target, you can just look the other way. I’m a big girl, and I can generally take care of myself pretty well with these situations. Hell I’m the sort who ends up in these situations because I absolutely will stick my neck out like this for other people when I know they’re the victim of some messed up bigoted hate campaign. So pretending not to know me, or to know what’s going on is absolutely a move she could have made. Nobody would go threatening her. I’d just be dealing with ridiculous slander that holds no water from random anonymous hatemongers. But... no, she had to go and involve herself, get scared, and throw serious fuel on the fire in order to back up. And you know put me through the trauma of watching someone I thought was a friend publicly tell some particularly messed up lies about me.

But yeah. I have a lot of stories like that one about various people I’ve known over the years. It’s hard not to think about them when staring death in the face. Just kinda feels like I’m the sacrificial victim everyone’s redirected their personal demons to attack to minimize how many people are getting gang-stalked and threatened or something. And I don’t even mind filling that role for people just... let me pull that aggro by choice by coming to your defense? Don’t throw me under the bus? I don’t feel like that’s a super unreasonable request.

[pouetpouetduckbaudelaire]

Sad stuff

okay i'm gonna scream into the numeric void for a minute...

the dysphoria has been hitting hard (and it's gotten mixed with me stopping my antidepressents cold turkey -not my brightest moment-, culpability about me not doing tasks i should have done a while ago, anxiety and anger possibly related to testosterone dosage, and just ... life stuff). HARD.

i've only ever had body image issues that bad during a very low point dealing with my ED in the past, and it's just so sad to be stuck in that place again.

i hate my voice so bad i wish i'd never have to speak again. I'm avoiding looking at mirrors (i would cover them like i used to but i'm not living alone anymore). i dread taking showers because looking down at that body is just too much to bear.

and i'm just so damn good at brainwashing myself and playing make-believe that i've managed to convince myself that my body is sometimes just how i want it to be ... when i realise i've been hunching over for the whole day i tell myself "just walk like you would if you had a flat chest, if you had broader shoulders. imagine what it would feel like". and i forget ! i forget i actually don't have all of that. i catch my reflexion somewhere and it just hits me - i just don't look like that.

my body is everywhere with me, all the time, and it's just too much.

and i know i'm just a baby trans, i've only been on t for like 3 months and it's very normal that not much change has happened yet. that i just have to be patient and stuff will solve itself. but i'm tired of being patient. knowing that this moment will end doesn't stop it from being sad, and draining, and painful.

i don't know who i am. i don't know who i want to be, where i'm going. sometimes i wonder if it's easier if you're a binary trans person (i doubt it though) because i feel like they could have a clearer sense of who they are, and a sense of direction. They could think "despite of this body, i know i'm a woman. "-or "i know i'm a man". They could wish for a fixed goal, a certain set of attributes that they want to have related to their gender.

i don't feel like a woman. i don't feel like a man. i don't have an endgoal there. i just knew that they were some parts of my body, some parts that changed after my first puberty, that i didn't like at all. that i hate know. i knew that getting on hormones was the right decision for me tho. but i'm moving forward completely blind : at first i wasn't sure about my chest, now i know i want a mastectomy. for a long while i didn't like my voice, now i know i want it to change. but i don't have a clear picture, a set list of what i want to look like in three years. i guess sometimes i used to think it was kinda freeing, but the more i think about it and the more i think it's just ... stressful and scary.

[lavenoon]

Hi! :D Ok, so where to start? Man, it really hurts to see Robin so disillusioned with it all. Of course they show no interest in the new neighbors and now their job feels more like a drag rather than the thing that brought them a sense of fulfillment. Though I smiled at them being so critical of the security over in Eclipse's sector haha, even if they're not giving it their all, they still are very much a professional at what they do and it shows.

The fact that they also become quickly endeared to Eclipse is very cute, and very understandable because he's so earnest, even if it exasperates them that he basically easily revealed his identity, the one thing that when they found out about their other coworkers sent them into a worse spiral. But also that earnestness is what managed to break at that tough front that was harming them as they struggled to keep it up. And he relates so easily to them to, and Robin can't help it that he looks right through them! Because he can see so much of his own hurt in them now. It makes sense that he wants to help fix it, even if he himself hasn't found how to fix the communication problem the three brothers have.

In a way I wonder if he did something similar to Robin, in the sense that he latched himself to Robin's hurt to try and make it better, just how Robin latched onto Eclipse's situation to feel the anger they want to feel for themselves but feel like they don't deserve to (because by now they've convinced themselves they weren't that important to Sun and Moon, assuming they had mistaken it as the animatronics caring more than they did). Not to say that they didn't feel for the other genuinely of course! Just that it's easier trying to solve someone else's problems than facing your own sometimes. I do like how Eclipse is the first one who doesn't let Robin convince themself that they hate them. No need to try to worsen the hurt, even if the statement is turned back on him immediately.

It's funny that something did blow up, though it wasn't an experiment XD (sidenote: I hope Robin does get to blow up stuff with Eclipse eventually haha) "I would've left me, too!" though? Ouch. I know Sun didn't have time to process that, but I hope he and Moon can address that later. Clearly a glimpse into one of their worst insecurities that they guard so closely. (other sidenote: Eclipse was like, haha, brother gonna get told off, and then realized oh crap brother might get actually threatened her kjhkjhkñh)

But also Sun is clearly not too capable to paying attention to that right now, so affected he even raised his voice to the person he only knew as his dear friend and landlord.

Though Eclipse saves the day once again with the groupchat of friendship! They're all obviously exhausted by everything, so having the chat as a tentative window where they don't need to be that exposed and just say what they want to say at their own pace is smart. After all, you can't take back words you said, but you can rewrite a message until you are satisfied with it.

And also, the funniest hing to me in this chapter is the agency. They really were like: Robin you might get fired if you don't improve. >:(

Robin: Aight, peace.

The agency: N-no wait, I didn't mean it, come back please :'(

But overall the hopeful ending was really relieving! You always manage that feeling of being able to breathe again after a tough one! Great writing as always!

Robin: Fuck the agency I don't care anymore Also Robin: Smh the security here is lacking, how dare? They are just kinda going through the motions for a while there, only focused on how they lost their friends and any pride in the job they do in one go. Truly, two birds, one stone.

Robin: I've had Eclipse for an hour and a half and if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself Eclipse: Oh we're friends now! Okay okay I will. I will try to not make a meme out of every part of your comment fghdjs Ties into your next paragraph as well - they recognize the pain of the other, and the similar coping styles, with Eclipse a couple years into pretending he's fine. They get angry on his behalf, partly because it's an infuriating position to be in, and partly because they can't get angry on their own behalf. And vice versa in Eclipse - he sees this person in a very similar situation to him, and they're devastated and it's obvious (to him). And he realizes that oh, right, he does have a reason to be sad. He's allowed to feel abandoned and to admit it sucks. Because he faked being okay so long he felt like he'd lost the right to say it did actually bother him.

Please know that if this were the main timeline I'd add many more conversations that address these issues, same as Robin's "I would've left me too". It goes unaddressed, but not unnoticed. To address it there needs to be a baseline of trust again though, so they need to focus on establishing that (That, and that the threat was on his account. Because while he obviously and knowingly relates, he didn't think that Robin might relate too, and do something about it. It's rare enough that anyone would stand up for him.)

No one's having a good time - but they all want this to work, they all miss each other, and they're finally admitting that to each other. They can't get it all out then, but they want to, because they care. It gives them a line of contact - a "flyway" to each other <3 (*Using a very, very loose definition of course)

HQ sure got used to having them try so hard to impress them! But they seek their validation elsewhere these days. They prefer having a family, in the end.

And aaahhh thank you!! The good thing had to get a lil longer to make it feel natural, but it was tons of fun to write! <3

[sparksnevadas]

Ikr!! Sometimes the ideas that rotate in my brain as I read these amazing fics like gihasm or Midnight (Atherixx) makes me want to write but I just get so flustered! I’d rather just share some ideas with people and have them and I brainrot about the possibilities.

For example:

I love how your Grian is so conflicted about the true coloration of his feathers. Just the scene where he’s finally preening after so long and he has that moment of staring at the white feathers v. the colors of reds, yellows, and blues? Ughh!! The conflicting thoughts he has! But picture me this, Sparks… Imagine this later down the line. Perhaps in the far future.

Grian molting, right? The extra tlc he has to give his wings, his feathers as they grow in new colorful feathers that cause him to have these conflicting thoughts. He locks himself away in his room. He feels so itchy, so vulnerable. He feels disgusted with himself. So gross. He doesn’t want anyone to see him like this. Not Mumbo. Not Scar. Not Pearl. Nobody! But his absence doesn’t go unnoticed. Oh no, no. How could Scar and Mumbo not notice the lack of a certain beloved bird? Now they go searching for the avian. They find him locking himself away in his room. The soft resolve of Scar and Mumbo convincing Grian to allow them in. To allow them to help. To allow them to be there with him. And maybe, just maybe… Grian allows himself just to be a bit selfish just this once and allow himself to be cared for.

Floof if you ever feel like writing, you should! Even if just a drabble :) its a fun process and you gain an extra appreciation for the art of words. But i also like your ideas so keep sharing!

Yes, well we might see a bit of grian a bit selfish next chapter,,, it is my birthday gift to myself and i decided to make something extra fluffy (even if it speedruns a bit of an arc to get to) (<- is having doubts abt the next chapter bc of plot vs fluff)

BUT anyways yes i do adore the idea of grian still having that lingering worry that just makes his heart plummet when its molting season.

Grian prides himself on his hardwork and a lot of his hero work is tied up in image: his bright white wings, dressing up nice, operating smoothly in public events, LOOKING heroic as much as BEING heroic etc etc. when that all comes tumbling down with the HA firing him, he kinda looks at his wings and hates himself for having his image tarnished, quite literally. It doesnt help that everyone in his life loves his white wings, even scar calls him Angel bc of them. So lets say if a molt hit at this point in time? Grian would absolutely lock himself in a bathroom for days.

Of course Mumbo and Scar would eventually find him, or well, find the bathroom and just sit by the door, just talking to him and bringing him food and blankets and stuff. Scar and Mumbo have a sleepover on the floor outside on blankets and pillows and eventually manage to coax him out after a few days. He covers his ugly skimpy wings with a blanket and they go into someone’s bedroom with the lights off (bc hes not quite ready for them to see how he looks during a molt just yet) and just lay together and talk and grian almost cries out of frustration with himself and scar quietly tells him that he loves all of him, not just the color of his wings, and mumbo’s just like “mate i might be biased but reds my favorite color, and youre one of my favorite people”. Then they cuddle because yes.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

3/5/23 CW: Abuse/Trauma mention kinda? ADHD stuff, anxiety stuff, "The Bluey Post."

Last couple days have been okay. I've been learning to manage the panic attacks better. I didn't actually have one today- I kinda had a smaller episode yesterday, but I put on some Bluey and it turns out to be like, magic anti-panic attack medicine. Who knew.

Some people have heard me say (seen me type?) before that after watching Zootopia, I didn't want to FUCK Clawhauser; I just wanted to be his friend. My first real furry crush was Alex the Lion from Madagascar- just a bright, bouncy, funny, silly, charming character that loved to perform and loved people- bonus points for having huge bappy manimal paws and big chompy teeth. This is going somewhere, I promise.

I feel like there's this positivity vacuum in my life that makes me a sucker for hyper-pure characters and content, like it artificially fills some kind of void that makes me wish I were a part of it in an earnest and genuine way.

Bluey has been like... The greatest expression of that feeling. I love watching Bluey never stop being bossy because she gets away with it nine times out of ten due to her shear charisma. I love watching Bingo constantly challenged to fight for attention and respect, and ultimately succeeding. I love watching the chaos that unfolds literally any time that Muffin is on-screen. I love the way Bandit genuinely loves his daughters and does everything in his power to spend time with them and indulge them, even if it's not always on his preferred terms. I love the storyboarding, the subtle hints at deeper trauma across the cast, the relatability of the characters.

I remember before ever seeing the show, I saw a clip of Jack on Twitter. Why can't you sit still? Why can't you remember anything? Why can't you just do what you're told? He stops fidgeting for a moment and really thinks about it and says, sadly:

"... I don't know."

I cried to that clip- hard- because that moment with Jack was my entire childhood and was the most I ever related to a character. It was the most I had ever seen of myself on a TV show packed into three words uttered by a cartoon jack russell terrier that couldn't remember his god damn hat.

Every day of my life, my dad yelled and screamed at me asking why I couldn't do these simple things he asked me to do and all I could say was "I don't know." Sometimes he'd scream it back at me at the top of his lungs in that condescending slurred "pretending to be special needs" tone, mocking me.

My third grade teacher tried to tell my parents "Chris is very smart but has a difficult time staying on task and participating in class- I think that Chris may be struggling with ADHD" and my mom jumped down her throat for suggesting her son could have been anything less than perfect. She didn't attend parent teacher conferences anymore after that. Where dad was hard on me, mom coddled me and kept me "under [her] wing" as dad would say.

I grew up "smart" and "gifted" but "lazy" and "unmotivated," bullshitting and last-minute-ing my way through school, flopping upwards and somehow convincing everyone I was everything they thought I was.

I'm not medicated or diagnosed and I can't afford to be, but I KNOW I'm ADHD. Seeing the way other people struggle and relating to it all- the time blindness, the hyper-focus, the terrible working memory, the difficulty managing emotions, the executive dysfunction, the rambling- yes I know I'm doing it right now, sorry- all of it and more.

At THAT moment, seeing Jack internally question why he can't do all these simple things really endeared me to the character, and I knew I wanted to watch Bluey for more than just lusting after Bandit (god help me he's still so fucking ideal). When I actually watched the show and reached that episode, I was floored by just how beautifully and subtly the show straight up teaches kids about ADHD without ever mentioning it.

Rusty involves Jack in a game that challenges every debilitating aspect of his neurodivergency, and Jack succeeds in every event based on the three motivational pillars of ADHD: Urgency, Novelty, and Personal Interest. If you think of motivation as a bridge, those three things make up the planks you step across, and if any or all of them are missing, it's MUCH harder for someone with ADHD to stay invested in the task at hand and follow through from start to finish without struggling along the way. It's a game, so there's novelty. Jack wants to make a good impression on Rusty, so there's personal interest. In the last part of the game, they need that dust off NOW, so there's your urgency. All three allow Jack to overcome his poor working memory (difficulty remembering multiple pieces of information across short periods of time), his inability to sit still, and his executive dysfunction (inability to actively prioritize what your brain decides to focus its attention on). The episode is just extremely well researched. Fun fact, did you know there's a prominent, internationally recognized authority in the field of ADHD research named Russell Barkley? Coincidence? I think not!

Obviously I got off-track and rambled a bit and now I'm mentally spent, but all I mean to say is that Bluey is a really, overwhelmingly beautiful and cozy show and I'm extremely thankful to have it in my life. It is genuinely beautiful artistically and the animators are given a lot of opportunity to flex their creativity. There's a lot to love but that first episode with Jack was the one that really sold me on it.

It's about 1:30 AM now, I've got a pot roast I've gotta get in the slow cooker in the morning, and I think I'm more prone to panic attacks when I'm sleep-deprived, so I'm gonna try to maneuver around this cat that's leaned up against my thigh and go to sleep.

I don't know if anyone is actually reading these, but I kinda like typing them either way.

Night.

[aviesims]

What has been your favorite and least favorite thing about your gens(and their twin sibling) so far

idk if this excludes the gens that didn't have a sibling but i'll answer for all of them

Mentha: My favorite thing about Mentha was how spontaneous she was with everything she didn't really think about the next day and she was capable of doing anything. So she was really fun.

My least favorite thing was how hard it was to form good friendships because she was so mischievous.

Ruby: Her charisma and ability to just make everyone in awe of her. She's that girl that you don't know if you want to be her or be with her. I liked her whole boss lady aesthetic.

Workaholics aren't fun to play with or be with tbh that was her only flaw.

Aiden: I loved how ambitious he was and he really overcame every obstacle despite what everyone else thought. Career, kids, dreams, his crush he conquered all of it.

He was kinda too vanilla sometimes. He wouldn't hurt a fly which can be just a little boring. Too pure for this world lol.

Ashley: I loved how she was so good at parenting that it was like a superpower. It could be her kids or someone else's she KNEW how to handle a child. It was sooo easy with her. Made me like housewife kinda gameplay.

She didn't have much excitement and drama after her teen years like everything was set in stone. Her goals were there and her path was clear. Kinda made me feel like she was a bit one dimensional at times but not always.

Ash: I loved his contrasting personality to Ashley and I think he would've been a good heir as well if it came to that.

He was too shy sometimes so he could get boring and hard to play.

Roxa: EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!! He gave me everything I liked in a gameplay the drama, the excitement and he had a heart of gold. His gen was the one I dreaded the most yet it became my favorite along with Ruby.

My least favorite thing about him is kinda my fault. I had to dumb his emotional intelligence down for his story with Tiffany to make sense so he was so oblivious to people and the things that happened around him. His marriage with Tiffany, friendship with Mark and problems with Amber could've all been avoided so it's not my fave thing about him.

Amethyst: Her loving and fun persona was so likeable for me I liked her so much I didn't want to leave her that's why I had her move in with Roxa. She would've been a lovely plum heir as well.

I didn't like micromanaging her life honestly. It seemed like she never wanted to do something significant on her own. If I left her to her own devices she would've been stuck in her teen self forever.

Amber: She challenged me the most. The whole feared criminal thing and being mean just to be mean stuff were really fun and entertaining. She was lowkey a bully but it was kinda fun to play the 'villain'

She was hard to redeem and even as a player hard to like. I had to convince myself to like her at times. Especially when it came to her behavior towards Roxa since he's my favorite I took it more personally lol.

Valentine: My precious precious baby girl. I related to her the most. Hopeless romantic, introverted, anxious person who desires attention and socialization. She was so real and I loved that I felt like I knew her. I could throw any scenario and I wouldn't have to think twice about how Val would react. Her mind and psyche were all so clear to me.

It's annoying to manage an introvert in sims and considering the situations I put Val through she needed to come out of her shell a lot and she put me through hell as a player for that 😅

Dahlia: She's the definition of a strong woman for me. I love her attitude towards everything and her confidence in herself. She acts like she rules the world and she kinda does.

She was just born a mean spirit I really think she would've been irredeemable person if she never had to take on the responsibility to take care of Val by Amber. That was a turning point for her but before that... There is a line between being a classic sibling and being a straight up bully and Dahlia was a bully. I really didn't like that.

[sistervirtue]

ok so my crush is my best friend ive known since birth. i dont even know where to start with him because he feels like everything to me. crush doesnt even feel anywhere close to describing it i genuinely feel hes the love of my life and he does so much for me i sometimes wonder if im bringing anything to the table (i am and i know i am) juet because he makes me feel so much more complete and capable and whole and ahhh everything. i know he cares about me and loves me and we say it everytime we talk and what started as joking about getting married and being in love is now 100% genuine to me and i know hes not lying per se but im not sure how deep it goes on his end and ive tried genuinely confessing several times and its just so similar to the way we talk to each other regularly that it doesnt go anywhere bc he just takes it as banter. hes said to my face that hes terrible at identifying flirting and people need to be direct (which. why did he feel the need to tell me that LOL) and theres a million things i can say and ive asked out everyone ive ever dated and i KNOW no matter what ill be the one to make the first move (this is not a bad thing, im a very honest and forward person and im used to it and like it this way it just gets a bit stressful sometimes) but like. ok this is kinda late to mention but hes aro but weve both talked about our complicated feelings about romance and relationships and such bc i have a very hard time maintaining feelings for someone after we get together (idk why its pretty annoying lol) and he can be very interested in dating one day and have no interest the next and i dont want to ask him out and him to feel guilty for not being interested in a romantic relationship with me or like. at all and i really dont want him to feel guilty and i know he will if i can manage to confess outright and the answer is no bc anxiety 😭😭 and if we did get together im terrified of losing feelings for him because he means so much to me and to lose that seems dreadful and i genuinely cannot imagine a world without him because he like. is the only person who helps me focus and got me to do college dorm stuff and a million other things i couldnt convince myself to and also like. were moving into dorms together this fall 😭😭 like if i ask him out and it goes sideways for any reason were going to live together and like. hes my oldest friend and i doubt our relationship would be so easy to destroy but im scared ill do it anyways ☹☹

oh man.....what a situation to be in

i agree that i dont think a romance confession would destroy your relationship, though, even if you get turned down. most of my exes and i remained amicable after breaking up, and when i turned people crushing on me down, i never got the impression that we should stop being friends. the line between friendship and romance is pretty thin.

either way, i hope it works out for you