#and i say this as someone who has a good deal of trauma from extreme favoritism

[naamahdarling]

I do want to say, because I know I am extremely and probably sometimes unfairly unforgiving of everything to do with the medical profession, that I had a really good experience last week with a team that was very empathetic and trauma-informed. The area of medicine is deeply triggering and I truly didn't know if I would even be able to talk or not. They were very understanding and respectful and I didn't feel like an inconvenience or a difficult patient, or like someone who was making a big deal out of nothing.

I know and they pointed out that I'm not the only person with this issue. This is actually common. It is utterly baffling to me that so many providers aren't able to cope with PTSD in their patients, especially patients whose trauma is medical in nature. These people treated me like a normal person who had experienced some very not-normal things.

Anyway, I had an unexpectedly hard time afterwards -- I figured the hardest part would be the appointment, and it super was not -- and have had a hard time off and on since. It has not been fun. It's been frustrating and confusing and upsetting and scary. But for once, none of that was the fault of the people I saw. I went in unsure I'd even be able to talk about it and nearly completely certain I wouldn't be able to move forward with the things I need to do. I figured I would probably have to white-knuckle it through a panic attack. I came out having held a productive conversation that left me scared, yes, but also hopeful and optimistic that I can move forward. And I didn't have a panic attack. It was a radical and unexpected change.

I worked hard for this. Any trauma is an awful thing to live with. The work of remaking yourself around the holes it punches in you is hard and confusing. The healing is often slow. In my case it comes with very few immediate rewards (it will actually make my life more difficult for a while because I'll have to deal with more medical interference, hooray). But it was time for me to do this and I have come far enough and worked hard enough to have the resilience to try, and I did it.

All we did was talk, but that would not have been possible a year ago. It was all I could do to ask for a referral because even naming the specialty was upsetting. I couldn't make the phone call to set up an appointment and when they called to try to do it, I hung up. Six or eight months ago I managed to dial the number and then hung up the instant someone answered. Last week I walked into the building and said out loud multiple words that make me feel like I have worms under my skin and which I can barely look at, let alone type. I didn't lose speech. This was a big win for me, and I'm thankful it went well, and I actually am proud of myself. I didn't even use any of my antianxiety meds that day, because I didn't think I would need them.

I don't feel grateful to the staff, I feel like someone finally did the bare fucking minimum, but I am very grateful, because I am not only what I feel. I am also what I know and what I do, and I am finally sort of getting those three things to match up in a way that they patch the holes in one another a little, and maybe someday I can stop slipping through the cracks.

I'm scared they will fuck up when I go to get some issues addressed, and they will betray me or harm me. I really am. Because hey, that's what my experiences have prepared me for, so that's a very natural way for me to feel. Rational, even.

I'm scared that I will look back at this appointment and feel stupid for having experienced any hope at all.

But even if it goes to shit, I still went in there and tried. I still did my best. And my best was okay. I was able to separate my fear from what needed to be done just a little bit. That means something. Because I didn't think I could do it at all.

[joodeegemstone]

there are a lot of valid criticisms of tlok, but i never really understood people who hate the show because they thought aang was made out to be a terrible father and, therefore, a shitty person.

like, in atla, aang was a deeply traumatized small child who lost his entire culture in a genocide. it should have been no surprise that he would have sort of obsessed over preserving his culture through his one airbending child. sure, he wasn't perfect, and may not have gone about things in the best way, but i can't say that it made him a bad person.

[martian-astro]

D9/ Navamsa chart observations - Part 3

Jupiter in 9th is a great placement, even better if it's the 7th lord or darakaraka in d1. Your spouse will be intelligent. there's also a chance that you may do your master's or PhD after marriage. Your spouse can also have a job related to spirituality (one of my mom's friends has this placement and his wife is a reiki healer and also teaches meditation and hypnosis)

Jupiter in 10th is another really good placement. You and your spouse could start a business together, or you may meet them in your workplace. This is one of the placements that indicate that you'll earn more after marriage or once you start working WITH them (okay, so this example is interesting, i dont know how many of you know this, but there's an Indian company, dabur, and one of my relatives got married to the daughter of the brother of the guy who currently owns the company and let me tell you something, they are RICH RICH RICH, and like they helped my relative set up his own company and whenever we visit them, they give us such expensive gifts, you won't even find them anywhere, like custom made stuff) so if other factors support this, then you can get married into a super rich household

Venus conjunct ketu in 4th is a super common placement but I've noticed that it gives different results depending on what the ascendant is. A common prediction would be, that you guys will not get along with your spouse's family, you're gonna think that they waste too much money when they already have less of it. This is especially true for mother in law (I know a girl with this placement whose mother in law spends a lot on shopping and then asks for money from her, and she has to give in because divorce is not an option) i would recommend you guys to marry someone who doesn't have a mother 🥲

I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WITH MERCURY IN 8TH and it's so fascinating how it has the same exact effect on everyone. Okay, so this placement gives you 2 things, first, you'll gain a lot of money through joint accounts with your spouse, this could also be a marriage where you guys stay together just for money, a lot of celebrities have this placement. Second, your spouse is gonna hide things from you, like their salary (i know a woman with this placement and her husband was promoted and he told his wife that he was still doing the low pay job and he opened another account where he saved that extra money, while their family was having financial difficulties and stuff, it was a BIG deal)

Mercury in 11th is a nice placement, this could indicate a friends to lover type of story with your spouse. They could also be an extrovert, especially if mercury is in gemini. You guys will be focused on earning money but your whole focus won't be on money, like in 2nd or 8th house, it's gonna be more like "oh, this looks like a good idea, should we invest in this" kinda thing, i would say this is more like, both practical and romantic relationship

Moon in 8th..... Not exactly the best placement. Almost all the people that i know with this placement have been cheated on by their spouse, and again your spouse could hide things from you, but this time it's more emotional. Also, i have noticed that a lot of people with this placement marry someone who's in the closet, so their partner isn't affectionate and loving towards them and they think it's their fault but it's not, but it still ends up hurting them. You, yourself, could hide your feelings as well, and your spouse can see that and that's why they hide THEIR emotions, it's like a cycle. (if you have this, i would recommend you guys to go to therapy, heal your trauma and only then get into a serious relationship and sometimes you push your feelings down and you think you're over it, but you're not)

Mars in 8th can give very different results, but it does give you a spouse who is very sexual (and believe me, it's not always a good thing). If Mars is strong then it gives extremely good results, the ability to defeat your enemies and win, i know a person with this placement and she's a woman and people around her have always tried to ruin her life and she still managed to get up and is now living a great life. But if Mars is weak or worse, debilitated, then it can give an aggressive spouse, i know a person but i dont think i should share her story with you all, but if Mars is weak then... Don't marry. BUT if 7th lord and darakaraka of d1 is SUPER STRONG in d9 then go ahead.

Venus in 2nd is like okay okay, not bad but not good. I feel like this placement works better when it's in the cart of a man rather than a woman. The spouse will be good but will be more focused on earning money, even if they're already rich. From what I've seen, men are okay with wives like that, but women aren't, they need emotional security so being with a man who is focused on money makes them sad and lonely, whereas, men with this placement are more than happy to get wives like that, In MY opinion.

Sun conjunct ketu in 11th is another placement that is common, I know a lot of people with this. So, you will gain wealth but it's going to come very slowly, the type to MAKE generational wealth but not able to enjoy it. Also, i have noticed that these people always end up marrying someone who is in a lower position than them, career wise and so they support their spouse and at the same time take most of the financial responsibility of the family.

Ketu in 8th is SUCH a strong indicator of having a kid before marriage, or atleast getting pregnant. All the celebrities who've had a kid before marriage have this placement, Angelina Jolie and Shakira are two that i currently remember but I've seen it in the charts of a lot more. And listen, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS, OKAY.

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[sukifoof]

hii i was talking about this on twitter so i think i will just copy paste it here cuz i’ll probably delete it there at some point <3 twitter frightens me but i love my mutuals here we are all insane about flowey in the same way

 i think saying “you’re the type of friend i wish i always had” is a really important thing for asriel to admit... this whole time asriel has dealt with so much grief and guilt about chara that it separated the actual person chara from the idealized version of them in his head who he has never stopped grieving. its a huge part of his character that hes unable to view them as they were because that’s just how his ptsd and guilt affects him. as someone who went through a similar thing that kind of grief can mess with your head and how you view yourself and the person who’s gone really badly. the pacifist route, for flowey’s character specifically, is a really good example of how grief and ptsd can make you feel disconnected from yourself, everyone around you, and like if only the person you lost was back everything would be perfectly fine again. the fact that he can admit they weren’t perfect and that he made the right decision is a huge character development that we don’t get to see in the no mercy route because he’s still convinced that this idealized version of them birthed from bereavement will make everything okay. similarly to how he believed toriel might have been able to fix him, he wants to believe there’s someone out there that could somehow return him to who he was before being traumatized, but the reality of it is this is just who he is.

his grief and trauma is a huge part of who he is like it is with real people, but it doesn’t have to be all of him. i think the emphasis the fandom puts on whether chara was Good Or Bad completely misses the point that it doesn’t really. matter i guess?? they were a kid people loved and now they’re gone. we're seeing people deal with the grief this brought and we know so little of who they are because there’s also a degree of separation about who they are to the people they loved as well. idk i hope this makes sense i think a lot about how chara is a kid who hated humanity and calls themself a demon. to me that just shows an EXTREMELY traumatized child with self hatred. i don’t know why there was ever this huge moral argument about chara when they’re literally just a kid with issues. they weren’t taught how to deal with how they felt and likely held themself in lower regard compared to the dreemurrs. its the same thing with asriel, he feels responsible for them being gone and his own trauma. he just wants a friend who can teach him to understand his grief or someone who can at least let him view the situation for how it really is

i just think. flowey is so well written but not understood very well by the fandom because the type of thing he’s gone through is kind of hard to grasp. it’s a weird situation that doesn’t have a completely black or white Is He Or Chara At Fault kind of answer. they were children. people are complicated and want someone to blame when something goes wrong and flowey directed that at himself. hes such a fascinating and well written character i love him dearly i hope u guys understand how insane he makes me <3

[atombombkaytee]

I’ve watched the entire series again today in a hungover state and I CAN’T DEAL with all the parallels.

I mean, when Lucy finds out about her Dad’s true actions and origins - her whole world falls apart. She saw the vaults as safety - she looked up to her Dad more than anyone else in the world. She learns that he’s lied about who he is as a man and as her father, but also she must realise that the vault’s are hiding their own dirty secrets (especially after her experience at vault 4) and that her Dad is a part of that too. She even says to Max, after leaving vault 4, that if she destroyed a whole community to save him, he would be heartbroken: when that’s exactly what he did on an even grander and more terrible scale. Lucy’s life wasn’t even in direct danger to warrant that reaction - he’s just an insecure selfish arsehole.

At the very same time we see the flashback scene of Coop hearing Barb suggest that they drop the bombs on America. This woman that he loves and trusts and has made a family with - who he said he fell in love with because she always tries to do the right thing. Their reactions at the point of realisation - shock, inability to speak, almost dissociation - are both extremely similar. Him having gone through that betrayal before (and likely plenty of times since) is EXACTLY why he talks to Lucy how he does. He’s preparing her for the eventual heartbreak - because he has experience which states that nothing could ever be as perfect as she claims her life is. When he’s making ass jerky from Roger, he even tells her: there’s what people say they do and then there’s what they really do.

When you look at all of that, really, in the scheme of things, Coop - the man that she’s seen as this inhuman, cruel, murderous monster - he’s the good guy. He too thought his wife’s business with vault tec was abhorrent. Yes, he’s been warped and twisted by the wasteland and by his own trauma - but he does see this brightness in Lucy. He thought she was just naive and full of bullshit (especially being a vault dweller. Something which I’m sure triggered him considering his past with vault tec and the links to his wife) but when she proved herself by giving him the vials instead of letting him die, he’s probably amazed that there’s someone left in the world who isn’t just a liar and a terrible person. He’s so used to betrayal and violence by this point. She’s a good person - a trait that he literally said he was in love with his wife because of. She softens him.

But she also proves herself in another way - by shooting her feralled mother - showing that she’s also grown and learnt that not everything is black and white. It’s not just “good and bad” in this world. And although Coop has questionable morals, he’s honest, like her. He tells it how it is. Plus, after her Dad’s huge life changing betrayal and her time in the wasteland, she understands a little more why Coop has done all the things that she’s seen him do - I mean he did meet her pretty much day one out of the vault initially - hence why she goes with him. He has hardened her up to protect her in the wasteland.

Wilzig even says “will you still want the same things when you’re a different animal altogether.”

My god. It’s just genius. Absolutely genius.

“You comin’?”

Edit: Can we also talk about how Coop is basically the inspiration for the vault boy - who Lucy basically looks to (physically a few times throughout the series) for inspiration to do the right thing. AND the fact that her Dad was obviously a bit obsessed with Coop and probably still was when Lucy was born, seeing as he’d been in a pod and had only just woken up, retaining recent memories. So Lucy likely watched all of his films and her Dad maybe even saw him as a bit of a role model (or at least his in-film characters). AND the obvious exchange of index fingers. Yup. Honestly if this relationship doesn’t become cannon, I will start dropping bombs too.

ANOTHER EDIT: Sorry one last thing but, I just want to add: nothing that post-war Coop does is personal. It’s either: to get a job done, survival, because he’s been triggered by something (understandable after what’s he been through) or, in Lucy’s case, to teach a (admittedly often harsh) lesson. He doesn’t just mindlessly kill - or particularly enjoy killing - he just has no issue with it, it’s all just means to an end. He even still remembers to pay for his tomatoes in Filly ffs haha… I imagine he’s extremely numb and devoid of all feeling - except for when it comes to his wife and little girl. That’s the only time we see more visceral reactions in either actions or dialogue from him. He’s such an intricate character and Walton did an amazing job of portraying him.

[to-the-stars8]

Can someone genuinely answer this ever lingering question as to why DC has such beef with Jason Todd?

They butcher his character and relationships, and for what? There’s so much fucking POTENTIAL not only with his character but with his story! There’s a way to actually write discourse in a relationship without making it so damn abusive. Maybe I’m missing something in the story or just in general, but it’s just so fucking irritating when it could be good.

You have a nice, good boy who only wants to help despite given the short hand in life who is then given a loving father who just so happens to be Batman. That boy is then murdered by Batman’s biggest enemy (don’t even get me started on the fucking Joker who essentially has become idolized in the worst ways by DC writers and directors) still trying to do the right thing despite being fucked over by the very person he so desperately wanted love from. Then, you have that same boy who’s just a little bit older, hurting and angry— acting out in every way he can against the man who loves him but couldn’t see past his own weaknesses. And what do DC writers do instead of making this complicated, intriguing and character growing relationship into something that’s not as fucking dumb and slightly out of character for Batman? They fuck him up.

It’s an extreme to say this, I know. And this isn’t against all DC writers, but you can’t deny a lie when it’s a pattern. It’s a cut and dry story that practically writes itself. You have a little boy who is so full of hope is growing along with the main character of the story (which, in my own personal opinion, Batman has Robin not as a soldiers—and omfg does that damn phrase make me violent—but as a potential, mutual factor of character growth) , who then gets a bit too cocky and distracted by his own hubris and need for love, to a hurt antagonist that goes against the man who he once called father. Like it’s too easy to not fuck this up, and yet DC seems to manages to do this every single time.

It’s almost like they want to portray Batman and Bruce Wayne as a man who is made “tougher” by his trauma (which has some patriarchal undertones if you catch my drift) instead of growing. Batman can grow. He can love. There’s one post that I’ve seen on Tumblr how Batman/Bruce does this whole vigilante thing out of love.

Which is why I don’t get why DC uses Bruce as a tool to hurt Jason when it isn’t really consistent. He loved Jason, and this is backed up by a lot of older and a few current issues. Don’t get me wrong, I get that their relationship post-UTRH is gonna be FUCKED. Yet, even the writing in that I can’t really agree with. KILLING (attempting to kill really) your son who had been dead for years, that you loved so much, and is acting out because YOU? Doesn’t make much sense, but, again, maybe I’m looking at this through a foggy lens.

This wasn’t meant to be a long post, but it’s just been on my mind and perhaps I could use another perspective. So, again, what’s DC’s deal with Jason and Bruce’s relationship, and Jason’s character as a whole?

[celestialtarot11]

Discussing the misconception of Pluto + more 🧘‍♀️🌟

Hi friends! A post I read talked about Pluto and its misconception in the western astrology community, and I will say I agree. I always thought of Pluto as subconsciously deep, primal, traumatic and the planet that takes away our power. The most vulnerable moments where we have just ourselves. There isn’t anything sexual about that process. There isn’t anything remotely sexual about going through circumstances that involve trauma releasing. And nothing sexy about recovery/healing from any kind of loss associated with Pluto.

It’s understandable individuals with Pluto aspects have an intensity to them, but to sexualize that and to not see beyond that intensity takes away from the true meaning of Pluto. Such individuals carry intense experiences and have roots that go deep.

Shedding light on these aspects:

Sun-Pluto individuals experience turbulence in the ego, personality, power and drive. Constantly these natives are tested, their strength and resilience especially. The native experiences situations which they feel powerless physically, mentally and emotionally.

Moon-Pluto aspects experience a loss of emotional bonding and comfort. The native struggles to connect with themselves carrying a pit of loneliness so deep, it feels like it’ll swallow them whole. Often associated with abandonment wounding, since the native feels little to no emotional permanence within themselves after a loss. Trauma taught them to disconnect from inner stability and safety.

Pluto-Venus experience power dynamic in their relationships. Protective mechanisms come up in the native to shield themselves, or they completely give themselves up to the people around them. Learned about extremes too young, and operate from one end or the other. All or nothing. Codependent as a way to keep the love in their life, even though the very same thing they love is destroying them. Chooses people who abandon them as a way to fulfill a self fulfilling prophecy, that they are not good enough and no one will love them.

Mars-Pluto has been through physical conflict of some kind. Health issues most likely. Some natives I knew encountered being in the hospital at some point. Their mind is at war and the native experienced aggression from others, and authorities failed to protect the native. Most of authority in their life wanted control over the native. The native experiences this in love as well, choosing people who are aggressive or extreme. Unless the native heals, it’s a cycle.

To know about someone sexually, their drive and behavior, look towards the Mars and Venus. Both discuss how the native experiences pleasure and loves to receive. Mars being the lust, animalistic, and primal side of the native, and Venus the sensual passionate, and compassionate side. Both planets arguably deal with our primal instincts, but Mars can be aggressive in its approach and strong, wanting to conquer, whilst Venus creates connection and is not necessarily about the self. Mars creates temptation, Venus soothes and nurtures.

Mars for men.

Venus for women.

You may wonder why then are Scorpios so sexual? It’s because they are ruled by Mars. You’re not wrong that Scorpios are sexual, but the way you look at the reason why is not inherently true. It isn’t because Pluto, the planet of subconscious trauma is making Scorpios sexual. It’s their Martian nature.

Something important to talk about is Gemini. Gemini Venus specifically, but this goes for all Gemini placements. Gemini placements are not superficial by nature, in fact seeing them only through one lenses is harmful. Gemini’s are incredibly smart, intelligent, and harbor knowledge. Ruled by Mercury, quite literally the planet of gaining knowledge efficiently, and communicating that, putting it out there. Gemini’s are observant. Knowledge is not free, you have to pay attention consistently and Gemini’s are aware of this in their true nature. Whilst Jupiter rules gaining knowledge and wisdom, Mercury denotes using it efficiently and effectively. Mercury is the way in which we teach others and we are taught to learn. Our learning style.

Gemini Venus & Gemini placements have the ability to see beyond their current circumstances, because they are agile thinkers. They know the next step intuitively, because their mind is adept to receiving and recognizing information. Gemini’s are painted as manipulative for seeing the truth and seeing beyond face value, when in reality Gemini’s understand the value of truth and perspective.

In esoteric astrology, Gemini is comfortable in Venus because Gemini knows the value of communication and the interchange of energy in love. With Gemini being ruled by Mercury, which is the way we expand our spiritual perception, it’s the beginning of exploring beyond our ego (the sun) Gemini is a process of spiritual connection, and through Gemini, we experience the soul and unconditional love. Without exploration, we’d never know what was there. So, Gemini is not a result, rather it’s the part and process to the gateway of our souls.

There is so much more to Gemini and every zodiac sign than ya’ll think! ✨🌟☀️

Moving on, associating the 8th house with sex. This house is associated with loss, grief, and trauma in traditional astrology and Vedic. It also indicates ones past life karma in Vedic astrology. It also deals with occult knowledge, spiritual insight and growth. Therefore it has no bearing sexually, as it does not relate to procreation of a child as traditional astrology intended. It’s the house of endings.

Many astrologers think the 8th house is associated with sex because they view it as a taboo act, or see it as something hidden and private.

Look to the 5th house to see sexual pleasures instead! Sex should be a reciprocal energy, not associated with loss of any kind (8h) to me, I don’t see how sex should be associated with the 8h of loss and grief.

I would love to continue this for the signs, but it would be too long to make in one post. For now, this is what I have! I appreciate any support given to this blog, and feel free to comment your feedback as it’s highly appreciated. Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🤝

[beelzeballing]

actually i dont think ive posted my thoughts on ofmd s2 overall here yet have i?

ok here goes: i think it had incredibly high highs, and at some parts i genuinely enjoyed it more than i did the first season, episode 6 being peak imo. however, it had equally abysmal lows with some glaring writing-, tone- and pacing issues that all came to a head in the finale.

i once read someone say that, if you ever feel like a finale ruined the whole story, maybe you should take another look at the story. there were most likely cracks and problems all along, and the finale did nothing besides dashing the hope that these would perhaps be addressed later. very rarely do genuinely well written stories go completely off the rails in the finale and ruin the whole thing.

i think this is applicable here in some ways, SPECIFICALLY in regards to edward. good god edward was a MESS this season, and it's so sad because i loved the starting point! the kraken era was absolutely terrifying and iconic as FUCK but... they shouldn't have leaned so hard into the drama and trauma of it all. don't get me wrong, i loved that it did. it's one of my favorite parts of the season and i'm so glad we got it. but if they wanted this arc to work with the overarching plot as they wrote it, they would've had to lighten up the tone here CONSIDERABLY. had they played the kraken era for comedy then sure! edward's bad youtuber apology would've been funny. his fast redemption would've been less jarring. the lack of consequences less disturbing. but as it stands in the show, this arc is too dark to function with the later episodes.

i feel like they wanted to have their cake and eat it too here. they wanted the gritty drama of ed coming off the hinges entirely but also didn't want to deal with the aftermath of such a heavy arc in their silly pirate romcom. be that due to time constraints and budget cuts or because they were simply unwilling to, doesn't really matter in the end. the result is the same either way: a very tonally messy season with some accidentally troubling implications regarding abuse.

and mentioning troubling implications regarding abuse; izzy. my poor, poor izzy... his arc was absolutely glorious. i liked izzy the second he showed up in s1 and i was absolutely EATING this season up in that regard. and i think in this case, they genuinely did fuck it all up in the finale with that one stupid choice:

choosing to kill izzy was the DUMBEST thing they couldve done here.

ive talked about this over and over and over again. ive reblogged so many meta posts. and still i am left absolutely flabbergasted by how stupid of a decision this was. the fridging, playing at the fallen woman trope, killing the beating heart of the season and the character who delivers what is essentially a thesis statement, killing off the character whose arc is about coming to terms with his disability, having him die in edward's arms, comforting him and apologizing after an entire season of finding community and love outside of edward, the absolutely godawful pacing of it all, the extremely easy and obvious solution of just having IZZY become the new captain of the revenge to mirror s1 and hammer home how much he has developed since then in one go... i could go on. and i have. it was a stupid writing decision, completely fucked the tone and pacing of the finale and took away attention and time from things that really would've deserved a better wrap up (lucius and black pete deserved better)

now. the whole prince ricky & zheng plot line... yeah that shit sucked ass, sorry. they bit off more than they could chew here. i honestly think those are the arc words of this season:

✨️ bit off more than they could chew ✨️

right off the bat: i think he was good as a concept. bringing in a foil for stede who just doesn't Get It as stede does could've made for very good comedy and drama (and to be fair there is some of that). but that shit got away from them extremely quickly. nothing about how he's implemented past his first episode works, and i think this is very specifically because he's mostly played as the comic relief in his debut episode. making this completely bumbling fool, who gets his nose hacked off on his first job, the main villain of your entire season is... definitely a choice. idk. he didn't work for me at all.

ok wow mentioning shit getting away from the writers. this definitely got away from me. this was supposed to be a short lil post. well. i guess tl;dr i loved this season but jesus christ there was a lot wrong with it. if you want to hear more thoughts. ask box is open. be my guest. i have more to say so even if you dont ask i might add more to this at some point but im tired and have work tmrw.

[zeroducks-2]

Do you really think reverse flash is in love with Barry? I don't mean for this to sound snarky I'm just confused. Thawne killed Barry's mom how can you say he's in love with him? I like all the things you post and rb about them I really enjoy the ship. I just don't get it can you explain?

The question "how can Eobard be in love with Barry if he hurt him" has both a short answer and a long answer. The short answer is that people are very much capable of hurting the ones they love, on purpose or by accident.

The long answer is that Eobard is a deeply disturbed individual who has never been the recipient of love, and because of that and of many extremely traumatic events (including but not limited to being brainwashed in prison, being trapped in a timeless limbo alone for years, being tortured and treated like cattle and put in sensory deprivation for ludicrous amounts of time, dying at the hands of the only person who had ever shown compassion towards him), he has a skewed perception of a lot of things and is extremely bad at emotional regulation.

Moreover, and this is something which is easy to overlook but it's actually very important, Eobard is not human. His actions are informed by his traumas, but the way he approaches pretty much everything (including his "problems" with Barry) isn't done the way a human would.

Eobard is a timeless, deathless creature which embodies one of the driving forces of reality itself (the Negative Speed Force). He lived probably more than a few hundred years considering how he keeps running around through time doing stuff, and how he keeps going back to watch past events and adjust the way he will interact with the timeline next.

He knows the huge impact that killing Nora will have on Barry, but from a moral and ethical standpoint it's not a big deal for him. Nora is less than a speck in time, an NPC who served her role for that briefest moment in which she existed. She is a big deal because she is a big deal for Barry, not because she's meaningful in any other way.

"But then he did want to hurt Barry when he killed her" Yes, absolutely he wanted to. Eobard didn't "just" kill Nora Allen - he went back in time and changed everything about Barry's life, made it so he had no friends, made him grow isolated and insecure and shy, lacking confident in his abilities. And he did it because he is very, VERY angry with Barry for one, and also because isolating Barry makes it easier for them to grow closer.

And it worked! Back in the Silver Age, when Nora and Henry were alive and not in prison, Barry couldn't be bothered with Eobard. For him Eo was just a random criminal with superspeed, and sure he was threatening because speedsters always are, but not that much of a big deal.

Now? Now Eobard is a primary element in Barry's life, a constant he's had to deal with basically since birth, someone who rewritten his entire life to make himself part of it in an indelible manner.

It worked because now Barry is more likely to fall for Eobard's manipulation, to listen to him, to just accept that he's THERE because he's always been. Near the end of Running Scared, Eobard tells him "run away with me", and Barry says yes.

Back in the Silver Age there would have been no way.

It's worth mentioning that to understand Eobard, you need to understand that everything he does, every single thing, has the end goal of being with Barry. Whether he's trying to protect him or trying to hurt him or trying to manipulate him, whether they manage to work together against a common enemy or they're on opposite sides of the fight, every single one of Eobard's actions is motivated by love (his personal, inhuman version of love).

"But if that is the case, then why doesn't he just tell Barry 'I love you'?"

Two reasons, and one is meta.

The in-story reason is that every time Eobard tried to do something good without masking it as horrible, it went sideways and backfired spectacularly - mix that with poor emotional regulation, and you have someone who's not going to be able to handle rejection and is outright scared of doing good things openly. I think if he told Barry "I love you" and Barry reacted badly it would hurt too much. Also he wants Barry to understand, and thanks to a couple of competent writers who sadly don't work on Flash anymore, we were getting there.

The meta reason is because DC is homophobic, plain and simple. Eobard DID SAY I love you many times except with words, because DC editorials won't let him. That's it. It's the same reason why Joker can't tell Batman "I love you" and has to do weird ass word plays and even more weird ass attention seeking maneuvers. They're stunted by reasons which no one but DC itself can control.

So in short. How can Eobard be in love with Barry and hurt him so much at the same time? Because he doesn't have many ways of express love, he has a hard time being caring, and every time he allows himself to be soft it backfires. Because he wants Barry to belong to him and will isolate him and make him suffer to get there. Because he's angry with Barry -- Barry hurt him too, rejected him and left him alone and refused to accept that Eobard is his lightning rod for a long time.

Eobard easily lashes out when he's hurt, and the less grounded he is the more vicious and violent he turns.

"But Zero, how can Eobard think that Barry will ever forgive him for having killed his mom?"

I don't believe Eobard was ever looking for forgiveness, but fun fact. Barry did forgive him already. Barry is not human either, and at this point I think he'd forgive Eobard just about anything, and despite how difficult everything is between them, he really wants to get to a place where they don't need to hurt each other.

The problem with this, and it's one of the reasons why they have so many issues communicating, is that Barry is in denial about many things - about being the Speed Force, about Eobard being in love with him, about how they're two constants through time and two sides of the same coin and basically can't exist without each other, about how they're each other's lightning rod.

Their relationship is very complex, absolutely not what it looks like at first glance, and it's colored by all the hurt there is between them. But again, ultimately understanding Eobard is understanding that love is what motivates him, even when he does the most horrible unhinged things.

In conclusion, have this panel from The Flash Age which is one of my favorite Flash comics, in which you can see the way these two manage to trust each other and fall into the right rhythm, despite the oceans of misunderstandings and suffering between them.

Pages from The Flash Age, by Joshua Williamson. In which Barry tells Eobard to "do the right thing", and Eobard just does it.

[chaifootsteps]

Hey I saw someone on Twitter saying you’re transphobic because it said in your Twitter bio “IDW Arcee is still a guy” even though the character is canonically trans. What’s your take on that? I’m not attacking you or anything I just genuinely want to know the context of all that.

Oh boy. Strap yourselves in kids; time for Chai's villain origin story.

So basically, IDW Arcee made his debut under the pen of Simon Furman, the dude who created Arcee in the first place. Simon Furman has a small massive chip on his shoulder over the notion of girl robots, but we're going to be talking in mostly Watsonian terms for now. IDW Arcee as he comes on the scene in Spotlight Arcee is the victim of a nonconsensual forced sex reassignment, we see right off the bat that this destroyed his life.

He's wracked with trauma and dysphoria over this, on a do-or-die quest to take out the mad scientist who did it (he succeeds and tortures said scientist for seven years straight), and is implied to suffer chronic pain.

This got a lot of criticism, but Simon Furman insisted it wasn't meant to be transphobic, just the opposite. When someone pointed out that this was a story about how traumatic it was to be assigned a gender you didn't feel was the one you should have, Furman agreed with this take.

Eventually Furman was shooed out and John Barber was brought in as writer, and nobody seemed to know how to deal with Arcee's backstory. So they just kind of...didn't. They wrote around it for eight whole years, never really acknowledging it, but frequently alluding to how traumatized he was from it. The only person to ever roll up their sleeves and tackle it head on was Mairghread Scott, the only person IMO to ever do justice to IDW Arcee.

By the way, this panel made me weep. This issue also includes a fleeting, but notable moment where someone refers to Arcee with they/them pronouns, and at the time, I was extremely excited for this.

Shortly after this however, the comic came to an end and John Barber decided -- in the very last issue -- to bring in an expert. And by this, I mean he found some trans lady on Twitter and let her write Arcee. The last issue has Arcee concluding that the whole sex change was consensual and the violent murder spree was the result of, I quote, "bad meds."

Yeah, basically Arcee killed all those people because the Spiro was a little off.

I got into a lot of internet fights with people over this back in the day, criticizing it for being worse than what we started with, but also frequently pointing out that it wasn't Twitter lady's fault, as she wasn't the editor-in-chief at IDW and that there's a very good reason professional writers aren't supposed to do this sort of thing. In return, I got accused of hating trans women and still get some real ugly things in the inbox about it to this day. It was the first taste, bitter as wormwood, of what I as a trans man could expect from my own community.

Regardless of all that, Arcee is probably the most important fictional character to ever enter my life. He helped me realize I was trans, got me through some dark days, got me through heartbreak and top surgery. He saved my life a few times, and every so often he continues to. I owe so much to him.

If writing a very gentle fix-it fic where Arcee has a long talk with Anode (one of the trans lesbian bots from the vastly superior sister series James Roberts wrote) makes me a transphobe in these peoples' eyes, so be it. I don't care what they think. They never reached out to baby trans Chai and held his hand and kept him breathing.

Arcee did.

[asexualenjolras]

I've just finished Heartbreak High (delayed, I know) and I was so excited about the asexual representation we were given ... just to jump on here and find that a lot of people are saying that Cash's asexuality story was handled poorly because he doesn't explicitly say he's on the asexuality spectrum, or because Darren didn't respond very well but I disagree with everything that's being said.

I think Heartbreak High handled this storyline in the most authentic way and let me explain why:

Firstly, I think it's important to remember that Cash is an eshay. He's grown up around a very bigoted group of young people, who - you can assume - hold very extreme, neagtive opinions about the LGBTQA+ community. Despite this, we see him accept his love for Darren in a very real way. He's not afraid to be seen with them in public but he does panic a little when his fellow eshays see him with them - even going so far as to say that Darren is a "customer" when asked who they are. We see at the Mardis Gras that he panics when he sees his eshay friend dealing. He isn't afraid of being out, he's afraid of their opinions of him being out. He's afraid of the eshays, not of being queer.

If you think that Cash and his eshay friends would have a deep understanding of sexuality - let alone asexuality - then you're very mistaken.

Not only that, but asexuality is massively misunderstood anyway. People on the asexuality spectrum can go years without finding a label that fits them. I was 18 when I discovered the spectrum. I spent 18 years of my life thinking I was broken.

We see that Cash has accepted this part of himself - he doesn't worry about him being broken or a disappointment, he just worries that he will lose Darren because of it. That's actually really advanced, considering he doesn't even know what asexuality is.

-

Secondly, Darren is a non-binary, queer person. They have a good understanding of the community and different sexuality but one thing that they don't understand - or even know about - is asexuality. This is common in the community. Asexuality is massively unrepresented and there is a lot of false information out there about it.

From Darren's perspective, their partner didn't want to have sex with them. They've grown up feeling like they were unlovable, it's a very authentic reaction for someone to have. And it's a barrier that a lot of asexual people have to overcome in relationships because their partners just don't get that it isn't personal.

Quinni says it the best, she says that "Cash might just be wired differently", and that's what makes Darren a little more understanding - that and speaking with their dad about their trauma from their parents' divorce. They finally understand that Cash didn't have bad experiences with sex but doesn't have that attraction or urge to sleep with someone. They have a lot of unresolved trauma from their childhood, and hypersexuality can be linked to that.

-

Thirdly, it is so beautiful that Heartbreak High have explored the asexuality spectrum in the way they have; usually, ace characters in shows and movies don't have a love interest while they figure out what they feel about or want out of relationships. In Heartbreak High, we see Cash understand that he is attracted to Darren romantically - he actively says he has loved them since he was in Year 8 - and not be afraid of that.

He also knows he is repulsed by sex and doesn't feel anything towards it. He knows it isn't anything to do with the other person and tries his best to communicate that to Darren. And then we see Darren accept Cash's boundaries and we seem them really try to support him through this development.

-

Additionally, we don't see Cash label his sexuality at all. He doesn't say "I'm bisexual but don't like sex", or "I think I'm gay but sex isn't for me". This is really important because it gives room for the show to explore his sexuality in further detail later on. We can still get him discovering the word, and we can still see him finding a term to identify with (if he wants to, some people don't need a term to understand themselves).

There is so much room to talk about the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, and room for the show to explore where Cash lies in that bracket of identification. We don't know if he's homoromantic, greyromantic, demiromantic, biromantic etc, and I really hope we get to see him explore that. Because it's a challenging thing to have to try to understand after coming to terms with being on the ace spectrum.

There is so much pressure to label yourself at that young age. I think it's rather positive that we have a character that understands his preferences and knows how he feels about sex without having that pressure so early on.

Sure, he likely doesn't know what asexuality is but it will be really interesting to see where the show takes this in future.

As I said, I didn't find the word to describe my sexuality until I was 18. Some people don't until they're middle aged. There's still time for Cash to discover the term and identify with the asexuality spectrum.

-

We see that Cash has tried sex and didn't enjoy it. He doesn't have that urge to go further, and when he does he doesn't enjoy it. That's such good bloody representation. I can't get over it. Despite being shown to be quite anxious about how he feels around sex, he isn't shown to be ashamed of it. That's so healthy and so important.

He doesn't get it and he is still having those confusing problems with his sexuality but he isn't ashamed of it.

-

Finally, I just want to reiterate that Cash not explicitly saying he's asexual does NOT mean that he isn't asexual. The writers and directors of the show have expressly said that he is asexual representation. This pressure to label yourself when you're still trying to figure things out - as Cash says directly - is really dehumanising.

Cash is a human being. He's a young person that is really confused about why he isn't like everyone else. He's having an internal struggle with his preferences and he doesn't understand why he feels the way he does, why he's "wired differently", why he doesn't "feel the same shit" as Darren and other people his age.

It's a really confusing time when you are growing up ace. It makes no sense until you find the community and you find that you're not alone.

Cash Piggott is canonically asexual and it's even more raw that he doesn't label himself so early on because that is the ace experience for so many people.

-

I love Cash. I love him so much. And I hope the show explores his asexuality in more detail in the future. I think the show did this so well.

Cash's experience isn't every asexual person's experience - it's his experience. The ace experience is a very personal thing and to see it brought to life on screen in such a raw way is SO IMPORTANT.

I LOVE DOUGLAS PIGGOTT WITH MY WHOLE ACE HEART.

[lmksimp]

Could I request headcannons with Macaque and Sun Wukong (seperately) with a fem! s/o who suffers from migraines and often will ignore them especially when doing things with others even to the point of extreme pain and/or nausea. How quick do they notice and what do they do both when it's just the two of them or when with the whole group?

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯, 𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬: 𝘚𝘩𝘦 / 𝘏𝘦𝘳

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝘔𝘢𝘤𝘢𝘲𝘶𝘦 , 𝘚𝘶𝘯 𝘞𝘶𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘨

𝐀/𝐍: As some1 who has migraines at the most random times and completely ignores it, I want to run away and bury myself alive.💞

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ᏞϴᎪᎠᏆΝᏀ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 𝑀𝐴𝐶𝐴𝑄𝑈𝐸 ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

— Both of you suffer the same problems, he doesn't know what the hell he should do with his migraines but at least he tries 😐❓

— He has good knowledge about dealing with a migraine despite not doing it too himself, the pain is so unbearable that he forgets everything, gah

— the way he would get migraines would probably be due to very loud noises(thunderstorms, blaring music, etc) and he might as well rip his ears off.

— the first time he sees you getting a migraine, he immediately pulls you in his embrace and try to help you through it.

— he doesn't like it when he sees you not dealing with it, he knows how much it'll hurt. So he'll always force you to stop(gently...?)

— he's always massaging your temples to the point you fall asleep on him, he doesn't mind and probably sleeps with you or keep a close eye on you.

— whenever you go out he is always in your shadow, keeping a close eye and making sure you won't ignore your migraine while doing things.

— if you ever get one and ignore it he is jumping out of your shadow and ignore the questioning stares, he'll hug you from behind and remind you. It startles you so much to the point you have to watch your every corner now

— Since he keeps a watchful eye, he knows if you're experiencing it or not. He takes quick notice, he doesn't help himself but he helps you and that works fine for him.

— now whenever he's around you'll have less nausea and tons of cuddles :]

— The day ends with both of you cuddling, he would be kissing your forehead time to time. His tail wrapped protectively around you

༺ღ༒ ׅ𝑆𝑈𝑁 𝑊𝑈𝐾𝑂𝑁𝐺  ༒ღ༻

— he freaks out, really does.

— He of course experienced his own pain from the journey he had like a tons of centuries ago, so he probably gained some type of trauma

— Wukong doesn't really know how to help or deal with Migraines since his doesn't linger, I think, someone gelp

— If he ever sees you having one he is jumping you, in a gentle way in his saying.

— of course he would be rubbing your temples and talks you through it, he almost flinches when he hears you wince.

— like Macaque the little massaging can make you fall asleep and he himself will as well. He'll also feel relieved that you slept

— whenever you decide to go out and absolutely forget that you get Migraines every once in a while, he is following you. Usually his bird form

— he hates it when you ignore the migraine, as much as it is annoying af it's better to not ignore it. The nausea will hit you hard, like a truck.

— so when you do ignore it he is literally going to fly and land on your shoulder, you get startled and wonder how the fu-

— So every now and then he reminds you and you get scared the shit to the point you stop forgetting and deal with your migraine, Wukong thinks he did well.

— Just like Macaque, he knows when you get a Migraine and when you ignore the pain. Sometimes he doesn't notice, sometimes he does and you usually have to remind him as well.

— he will be asking you 24/7 if you are having a migraine and if you're ignoring it, it's like he's interrogating you sometimes. He just loves you dearly

— So because of that, you get less nausea. More migraines because of him but less because of him :)

— everyday ends with you and wukong and the monkeys in a cuddle pile, every monkey is clinging on to you and also tries to help as Wukong kisses your temple.

[scoobydoodean]

Something fun for you to ponder. When Sam was soulless, Bobby thought there was a chance that, "This is just Sam." I think it's because Sam tends to perform empathy somewhat selectively, at times more cognitively than emotionally. Do I personally think it's a neurodivergent trait? Yes, I do. BUT. It's hilarious to me that Bobby looked at soulless Sam and thought, "Hmm. There's a good chance that's just Sam." No?

Ho ho! Very interesting.

From 6.06 "You Can't Handle the Truth":

DEAN I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bobby. You got to figure out what the hell he is and fast. BOBBY I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst-case scenario. DEAN What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know. BOBBY Well, that'd be the other worst case. DEAN Well, then what? BOBBY Maybe it's just Sam

Notably: This happens before anyone knows Sam is soulless and before Sam has admitted that he doesn't feel anything, but after Sam has let Dean get attacked and turned by a vampire.

I don't think that Bobby disagrees with Dean that Sam is acting different from before (I think that's why he calls it a worst case scenario). Sam has been putting everybody on edge, not just Dean (Samuel says that Sam scares him in 6.07). I think what Bobby is considering is that Sam simply isn't the same person after The Cage—that Sam compartmentalized his emotions to deal with the trauma—turned himself into a stone cold killing machine as a coping tool—and now Sam doesn't know how to warm back up to feeling anymore or caring about anyone or anything (or maybe can't because it's still too raw). Bobby's considering the idea that Sam may have simply cracked open and spilled his emotions out on the floor somewhere and left them behind... which ironically, is pretty much what happened?

Bobby is aware of similar (though less extreme) behavior from Sam in the past in coping with trauma. In fact, he arguably knows this side of Sam better than Dean does. Sam ghosted Bobby while Dean was in hell (and for months in 3.11 "Mystery Spot", though Bobby doesn't remember that). It wasn't that Sam stopped feeling (he was full of anguish and rage), but he did push Bobby away and focus obsessively on revenge, hunting like a machine. Sam pushed away the potential to talk through Dean's death with someone else who loved Dean and understood a lot of the grief Sam was feeling because it opened him up to a dangerous amount of vulnerability.

This is very John-coded behavior from Sam and it doesn't represent a lack of emotion as much as it represents "I feel so much that I cannot stand the idea of touching that emotion or I will break". It's a refusal to engage with and feel certain emotions, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to get up. Anger is fuel that burns hot and keeps you moving, but grief and fear can rip the life from you.

Consider even John's way of dealing with the worry he perpetually felt about Sam. Yelling and telling Sam never to come back when Sam wanted to go to school, making the fight all about betrayal and responsibility when deep down the entire time, John was just scared that Sam would get hurt (1.08, 1.20). Griping at Sam as a kid for wanting to play soccer (1.08), but without Sam's knowledge, quietly placing Sam's soccer trophy in a storage unit because John couldn't bear to throw it away even though there was no room for it on the road (3.03). John buried certain representations of affection and love because they were fraught with so much terror. Being open about how much he cared exposed him to feeling so much fear he couldn't cope with it, and John feels emotions incredibly deeply like Dean does. When the crying starts he cannot stop. It isn't macho bullshit—it isn't "I'm a man so this is unacceptable"—it's "If I feel this emotion right now at this exact moment then I will shatter into a million pieces".

Sam does the same thing when Dean is dead. Bobby represents vulnerability, family, and love—talking about how much Dean meant to both of them. The rage is easier. Being a hunting machine in 3.11 is easier. Focusing on murdering demon and training to kill Lilith is easier.

When the people Dean loves are in pain, Dean talks to them—he tells them how much he cares about them. He lets himself be vulnerable with it. Sam wants something to do and he needs to take charge. We see this is in 5.07 after Bobby reveals that he's having suicidal thoughts. Dean is distraught, and Sam is too (we see how much Bobby's opinion of him matters to Sam in 5.01)—but Sam just tells Bobby he isn't going to let him sacrifice himself, then jumps into action and focuses on the mission, while Dean lingers at Bobby's side. Then at the end of the episode, Dean sits down with Bobby alone and tells him how much he loves him and needs him. I don't think Sam could have that conversation at that point in his life. I genuinely don't think he could—and not because he doesn't love Bobby, but because he can't touch the distress that would surface from a discussion like that. One could argue Sam really does the same thing in 3.10, stepping outside of Bobby's house and seeking out Jeremy inside Bobby's dream while Dean goes up the stairs and finds Bobby and again—opens himself up to vulnerable emotions and expresses how much Bobby means to him—that he sees him as a father and he can't lose him. Sam focuses on finding the guy doing all of this and skirts the emotional vulnerability.

I think this is something Bobby, then, is very familiar with from Sam, so when he takes it to an extreme, where Sam is now dealing with a traumatic experience from being in The Cage, he can easily see how Sam would suppress his emotions and focus on hunting like a machine yet again, and how that could possibly reach such an extreme that Sam would stop feeling altogether and maybe not know how to or not be able to come back from that. And you know... I've never thought of this before in this exact way, but how did Sam's soul and body get separated in The Cage? Is there anything that disproves the idea that Sam himself ripped his soul from his body to cope with Lucifer's torture?

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

i never noticed the hints towards pale Solfef! in light of that, i think it's interesting that Eridan pursued Feferi in the pale quadrant while desperately wanting her to end up in his flushed one, meanwhile Feferi pursues Sollux in the flushed quadrant, despite them seemingly destined to be pale lol guess seadwellers are used to swimming up current lmao

that said, what are your thoughts on Erifef? do you think Eridan actually wants her flushed? or is that another subconscious tactic of his to keep her(someone he deeply cares about) by his side?

personally, i'm of the opinion that though they do care about eachother, they could never work out flushed. i think Eridan -though very enthusiastic about her and thinks they share the same troubles that comes with being so high on the hemospectrum, as well as isolated via physical location and the requirements to meet seadweller expectations- doesn't actually want redrom with her, but he knows pale isn't 'good enough' plus prefers to go to Karkat for all the traditional pale stuff. dude doesn't realize they can just be friends and she won't abandon him(cue Feferi abandoning him the monent she leaves quadrants with him, further exacerbating that fear lol)

meanwhile, on Feferi's end, it's too much to go into here but i think she has struggles with being present with others. so though i think she also deeply cares about Eridan and was absolutely miffed he was going to Karkat for things that she(being his moirail at the time) should have been talked to about, i think she has a lot of character development to go through before she can really pursue quadrants as something she needs and wants and not something she thinks she should do. i think flipping pale with Sollux could have been that catalyst but alas :' ] it seems Hussie changed his mind

So, personally, I do actually think Eridan's flushed feelings for Feferi are real... kind of. The fact that he has 0 self-awareness really makes talking about his feelings difficult because everything needs to be qualified with "this would change if he were capable of taking a step back."

The "kind of" here is because I don't think it's necessarily Feferi, the PERSON, that Eridan's in love with, but rather, the Feferi that exists in his head. To Eridan, Feferi is a bubbly, adorable, cheerful girl who's nice to everybody and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. He literally says that he thinks she might be too nice to have a pitch relationship with somebody, which is definitely not true, as Feferi can be plenty mean, and there's plenty to find flawed about her.

The first reason for this mistaken belief is that that's definitely the way that Feferi believes herself to be, so it's how she presents herself, and Eridan believes people when they tell him stuff. The second is because, in Eridan's shitty, friendless life, Feferi has been his one constant - the person who's always been there for him, the only person who's consistently nice to him (until he meets Karkat, and even then, Karkat is master of the mixed signals, and Eridan implies that death threats and insults are regular banter between them), and oftentimes the one person who cheers him up when he's at his lowest.

I think a lot of people in the fandom are too hard on Feferi - she's genuinely well-meaning, and most of her bad points come from ignorance and privilege, not manipulativeness or spite. She doesn't consciously realize it when she's treating Eridan poorly, and she makes real efforts to be a good moirail to him, even though he doesn't usually reciprocate those efforts. I think she suffers from the Umbridge Effect, where Eridan's problems - being on such the extreme end of trauma and anxiety - almost feel alien and unreal, while everyone knows a Feferi, so Feferi draws in some undue vitriol.

She has a few outbursts at him when he's egregiously rude for no reason, but given she's been dealing with his severe mental illness for so long, and takes his threats and casteism at least semi-seriously, I don't blame her for being exhausted and snapping from time to time. She's genuinely just not equipped to help him with his problems - lest we forget, she's also 13. Otherwise, everything else she does to harm him is something she just genuinely doesn't consciously realize is a problem, because she's got a hard time seeing past her privilege.

For example, using Eridan for feeding Gl'bgolyb without gratitude - the thing is, societally, it's his job, and HAS always been a violet's job. Not only that, but given his... everything, if she asked him if he's okay with doing it, he'd definitely insist that he is, and in fact, that it's HIS duty and HIS privilege. He also started INCREDIBLY young, so it's genuinely just been like this for their entire lives. It's a bit shitheaded for Feferi to not realize how much she benefitted from this arrangement, but, again, it's a crime of ignorance, not malice.

In a similar vein, I think she stayed in her moirallegiance for as long as she did partially because she got an ego boost out of it. She commiscerates with Kanaya over how burdensome he is, and she gets to say things like "we are not better than anybody," which she absolutely doesn't actually feel, given how she won't shut up about being a royal when talking to Jade. She's elated to break up with him, her narration celebrating with a big "you're FREE!!!" and it's not a coincidence that said break-up happens after Eridan's no longer useful to her - she outright states that he can't threaten their species anymore now that they're in the game and everyone else is dead.

BUT, I think she ALSO means it when she says that she stayed in that moirallegiance because she was genuinely worried for him. Both this statement and the above paragraph can be simultaneously true. There's nothing about Eridan that's actually that offensive to Feferi, and I really do think she means it when she says she wants to stay friends. His constant emotional crises have just left her burnt out in terms of sympathy, and she never really knew how to handle him in the first place, but in their first conversation together, she's still genuinely making an effort to get him to open up about his feelings and to cheer him up about his failed kismesistude.

After the breakup and his failed confession, the thing is, he does accept that rejection! ... Kind of. (Again with the kind ofs.)

He outright tells her he accepts that she doesn't like him like that... BUUUT, is trying to get her to go ashen with him and Sollux, instead. THIS is the "trying to keep her with him" angle you're talking about, IMO; I think his flushed feelings are genuine, even if they're aimed at this idealized version of Feferi moreso than the real deal. Without Feferi in the picture, I think Eridan and Sollux would have a completely lukewarm mutual dislike. The sheer lukewarmness is probably why Erisolsprite is so stable - they're completely mid for each other.

The realness of his flushed feelings for Feferi is, incidentally, part of why I think him and Roxy would work so well together - if this idealized version of Feferi (bubbly, adorabloodthirsty, pink, cute, cheerful, and kind) is his Type... well.

I also think he and Feferi would work pretty well as just normal friends; they might have fallen into that dynamic on their own if they'd met later on in life. In a hypothetical golden ending, I think they do fall into it once EriKar happens, since moirallegiances are stated to have a stabilizing effect on a troll's other relationships.

[akechiguro]

Could you also do yandere headcanons for Ominis Gaunt? I loved it for Sebastian ♡

yandere ominis gaunt headcanons

headcanons / imagines

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Synopsis | a collection of headcanons for a yandere boyfriend, Ominis Gaunt.

Word Count | 622.

Content Warnings | mentions of intrusive thoughts, stalking

Author’s Note | sorry for the delay on these, anon!! i don’t have an excuse 😞 but i hope you enjoy nonetheless 🫶

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✧. ┊ unlike sebastian’s primal jealousy, ominis’ comes in the form of domestic anger. he’ll be petty, with short responses and a firm refusal to talk about whatever’s bothering him if he sees you talking to another guy. he’s aware how toxic it is, but he feels there’s no words to describe his jealousy when he sees you with other people.

✧. ┊ ominis knows you need your space. he tries to respect it as much as he can, but his fear of losing you is so deep that he’s physically unable to be separated from you for more than an hour. if he doesn’t see you for any reason he worries, and is constantly needing confirmation you still like him and there’s nobody else. the years of trauma have done a number on his self-security.

✧. ┊ ordinarily, ominis is completely against the usage of dark magic. being forced to use the cruciatas curse and having it used on him completely changed his views on the magic. but if anyone were to present themselves as a threat, whether it be a physical one or a love interest who isn’t himself, he’s willing to use his apt for the dark arts to make sure nobody, nobody, comes between you and him.

✧. ┊ ominis would never hurt you. it’s almost as if he’s unable to even think about hurting you without upsetting himself. even when he’s ignoring you for speaking to someone who wasn’t himself, he feels extremely horrible about it, going as far as to beg on his knees if you desire such an apology. if he is being petty about your inner circle, he still makes sure to leave your favorite sweets from Honeydukes on your nightstand (with help from your owl if you’re not in the boys dorm), just to let you know he still cares.

✧. ┊ he’s ashamed of it, but he has stalked you before— or rather, he does. never outside of school, he wouldn’t be able to come up with a good enough reason to tell the Sallows, but he’s prone to it during the school year. nights are his most active hours, he’ll follow about 10 paces behind you just to make sure you’re getting where you need to go safely. he’s not proud of it, in fact he hates himself for resorting to such a creepy method, but he would hate to not be with you and have something happen.

✧. ┊ if you were to break up, ominis would appear as though he’s taking it well. he’d be respectful and understanding on the surface, but he would frequent the undercroft a lot more. sebastian swears he once heard anguished screams coming from it while passing by, but assumed he was hallucinating. another rumor going around says ominis has more than a couple scars from crucio. he wouldn’t be able to handle you not being with him anymore, not without some form of self-punishment.

✧. ┊ while he may give you a teasingly hard time, if you asked ominis to do your schoolwork for you, he would do it in a heartbeat. not just schoolwork, either; absolutely anything you need help with, he would do with the best of his abilities. there’s nothing he would say “no” to.

✧. ┊ losing anne and the scare of losing sebastian enhanced ominis’ already yandere-ish tendencies far beyond what he would let them be. more than a few dark thoughts cross his mind every time he sees you and you’re not by his side. he would never act on them, he wouldn’t forgive himself for, say, abducting you or doing something without your consent. but his intrusive thoughts are frequent and he doesn’t know how to deal with them.

✧. ┊ you’re his everything. he wouldn’t let himself live in peace if it weren’t for you. remember that.

[aheavenofhell]

I feel like some may be deliberately ignoring the “but I don’t want to go back to Heaven” line and lemme explain why it’s important.

Aziraphale is offered this promotion to supreme archangel, right? By the Metatron himself. This is a VERY big deal, EXTREMELY serious. This is word directly from the Almighty.

And his first reaction is to refuse (something that doesn’t exactly align with the whole “Aziraphale is a manipulator” idea).

Aziraphale refuses the Metatron until the Metatron makes it explicitly clear that he can bring Crowley with him.

This is important, because Aziraphale chose to defy Heaven in S1 for Earth, for humans. While Crowley’s company may have had a part in it, really who’s to say they couldn’t just find another way to hang out when eternity started? His motivations in S1 didn’t revolve solely around Crowley.

The Aziraphale in S2, however, is ready to surrender life on Earth with just a singular condition. This is a big leap from where he was in S1, denying he and Crowley were even friends, to S2, where he is ready to admit that he needs him. That their relationship is more than a mutually beneficial arrangement or the result of having no other immortals to converse with.

So why the “rejection”?

Well, first off I think it’s a bit unfair to call it a rejection. For it to be a rejection, they would have to turn down the idea of their relationship. They didn’t, they just disagreed on the terms of that relationship.

Second, although Aziraphale has made these significant character developments, he is still Aziraphale. Naive, and under the impression that he can make things better for everyone—including Crowley. It could be just like old times, but even better. His motive here was not to fundamentally change who Crowley is, but to move them into a situation where they are safe to be together and he can feel like he has a purpose.

I don’t know if Crowley actually thinks Aziraphale wants to change him or not. I can definitely see that being a thing, but it’s not actually brought up. Instead, Crowley reminds him what Heaven is actually like—the reason he doesn’t want to be there. Not just because he can’t, but because he doesn’t want to.

The lack of compromise here ends up making sense from both sides. Aziraphale functions the way someone who grew up deeply religious and just can’t quite pry away from their faith does. Constantly ashamed, justifying the actions of an unjust God, unable to find meaning outside of what he’s been taught is the meaning. A recipe for self loathing, for always going back because it’s all you know, of course you still pray every night, long after you’ve stopped going to church. Ask a fundamentalist Christian if Abraham would’ve been justified in killing Isaac, and when they answer ask why. You will sample some of what I am talking about.

In contrast, Crowley has completely broken off from that illusion. His own moral code is more important to him than Heaven or Hells’. He has spent thousands of years trying to get Aziraphale to see through the manipulative tactics that keep him in check. He watches Aziraphale torment himself with this idea of goodness, what it is and how he has to represent it. And by the end of S2, he is still stuck in that same rut.

Neil utilized the metaphor of an abusive relationship (Nina/Lizzy, Aziraphale/Heaven) but whichever way you look at it, it’s the same. Psychological conditioning designed to break down the spirit into obedience.

And despite all this, despite the fact that Aziraphale is actively clawing his way through processing all of this trauma on his own, he still doesn’t give in to Heaven before he’s promised Crowley.

He goes back, yes. But there was no character regression. It was still development. He’s just not all the way there yet.

There would be no S3 if he was.