#and just in general if you say the lines in peters voice it fits perfectly

[elliottexists]

boom had such 12th doctor vibes. like some of the lines i can actually hear him saying so clearly which ik makes sense because its the last doctor moffat wrote for but i lovee seeing snippets of old doctors in the current doctor

[onlydreamofmysoul]

Cardigan (Wolfstar)

I sat down to write a teeny drabble with two lines from the song Cardigan by Taylor Swift. It quickly spiralled into this. (I really love it though).

Set in the cannon universe, cw for mentions of death, injuries and scars. (Nothing graphic though).

I knew you, dancing in your Levi’s drunk under a streetlight. 

“Shh! Pads. you’re gonna get us caught!” Remus half-whispered, his own voice a tad too loud for his own liking but his slightly tipsy state didn’t allow for a lower volume. Sirius spun into him smushing his fingers right up against Remus’ lips, both of them chest to chest under James’ cloak. It was hard to believe the four of them mused to fit under this - now it only just about covered Remus and Sirius even with Remus ducking down to Sirius’ height. 

“Come on Moony, you’re ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’,” He said, punctuating each word of the grand title with his index finger poking into Remus; chest. “Even if we do get caught, you can charm our way out of it.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but followed. The passage was dim and the ground was uneven and to be perfectly honest, they hadn’t yet discovered if this particular passage way had been caved in since they last explored it the previous year, but Sirius seemed sure of himself and that was enough for Remus. If Sirius was the one leading, he’d always follow. 

“Alright, but I’m late on a transfiguration essay, so if Minnie catches us, you’re on your own. I need to save my charm for that.” He said, his tone stern, but all his reserve melted when Sirius smiled up at him and pressed a victorious kiss to his cheek. 

“I take back your title.” Sirius said dramatically, looking at Remus with a smug righteousness. “Apparently ‘Perfect Mister Prefect’ isn’t so perfect after all.”

He pressed his mouth right up next to Remus’ ear just as they stepped out the little secret entrance, ducking under the ivy trellis that hid their little passageway. “It’s a good thing I like bad boys.” Sirius breathed, and Remus couldn’t wait any more, not caring whether the cloak revealed their ankles or not when he pulled Sirius in for a blazing kiss. 

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Sirius smirked and kissed him again. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

Remus laughed and took off walking again, tugging the cloak off as soon as they were far enough away from the school, catching hands and spinning under the soft glow of the lamplights illuminating the path to Hogsmeade. Sirius tilted his head back, still spinning, their hands acting as the axis that centred the entire universe. 

“I love you too.”

I knew you, hands under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better. 

“Sirius, if you don’t start being more careful, I’m gonna-”

“What?” Sirius teased, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively, looking far too haughty for a man sitting on a countertop, his legs dangling in the air. “What’re you gonna do Re? You gonna punish me?”

Remus pursed his lips to try hide his smile, but gave in, kissing Sirius once briefly.

“No,” He said, pulling up Sirius’ jumper to get a proper look at the gash he had acquired after climbing a tree. Then subsequently falling out of said tree. “But I will send you to Madam Pomfrey and have you try to explain to her that you thought you’d be able to pull off a levitation charm if there was a ‘more extreme sense of urgency’.” He finished, mocking Sirius’ words from earlier. 

Sirius just scrunched up his face playfully in retaliation, before breathing in shakily as Remus coated the cut with a liberal amount of salve, watching in fascination as the skin knitted back together.

“There.” He said, straightening up to stand between Sirius’ legs, pulling down his jumper again. “Good as new.”

“Nah ah.” Sirius countered, shaking his head as his legs locked behind Remus’ back, binding them together. “Gotta kiss it better.”

Remus wet his lips, shaking his head in fond disbelief, but leaned in willingly, feeling the hot slide of Sirius’ mouth against his own cooler one. 

“All better?” Remus asked, panting slightly as they rested their foreheads together. 

Sirius shrugged, hooking his arm more firmly around Remus’ neck. “Close, but not quite better yet.”

Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other. 

(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite. 

“Sirius?” Re said softly, pushing the door to their dorm open slowly. “Are you here?”

“Yeah,” Came a muffled reply. “I’m here.”

Remus stepped into the room, looking first to Sirius’ bed to find it empty. Remus frowned, looking around to find Sirius curled up on Remus’ own bed, his favourite cardigan folded gently around him.

“Hi sweetheart,” Remus said, voice hushed as he climbed onto the bed next to the other boy, noting the red stained eyes and puffed lips. “What do you need?”

At the words, anything that seemed to be holding Sirius together until that point shattered, the raven haired boy collapsing into Sirius’ arms. 

“Re,” He gasped, between his sobs as Remus just pulled him closer. “Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Isn’t love supposed to be good? If it’s so great, then why the fuck does it hurt so much?”

Remus’ heart clenched. Regulus. 

“I don’t know sweetheart,” He murmured, holding Sirius close. “But it makes us who we are.” He cupped Sirius’ face so he could meet the raging stormy eyes. “It’s better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.”

Sirius just blinked at him. 

“But for the record,” Remus said, touching their heads together. “I don’t think you’ve lost him. He’s just lost right now. But he’ll find his way back to you.”

Sirius nodded, and slumped against Remus’ chest, no longer crying, just breathing deeply. 

“You know Remus Lupin,” He whispered after a while. “I don’t care how long it takes, but I’m gonna marry you someday.”

To kiss in cars, and downtown bars, was all we needed.

“Oh Merlin, they’re snogging again.” Peter commented as he turned his head to spot James and Lily, leaning in for a kiss. Remus, currently with his tongue in Sirius’ mouth heard this, but let Peter discover the other couple in his own time.

“Christ, the pair of you are too. You’re all fuckin at it.” He grumbled. If Remus’ mouth wasn’t already a little preoccupied, he would have laughed. There it was.

“Right, I’m off to find humans capable of holding decent conversation.” Peter muttered and he might have left. He could have stayed and done a jig on the table for all Remus cared, but in this moment, he noticed none of it. What was the poem he had read somewhere? Stars and moths and rinds slanting around fruit. This moment.

You drew stars around my scars and now I’m bleeding. 

“Hey, look at this.” Sirius said somewhat excitedly, rolling away from Remus momentarily and returning with a quill and a jar of ink. 

Remus eyed him skeptically, his arm tucked under his head as they lounged on his bed, the curtains drawn to create the illusion of their own little oasis. 

“I bet I could draw stars on your chest and then your scars could connect them, like in astronomy.”

Remus bit his lip, looking at Sirius’ appraised expression. “I feel like I should say no,” He said slowly, even as he unscrewed the ink. “But go for it.”

Sirius grinned triumphantly and studied Remus for a minute, brushing the quill over his lips as he concentrated. Remus couldn’t help but muse that if Sirius put half as much effort into his schoolwork as he was doing here, he would be top of the class. Finally, Sirius ditched the quill, dipping a finger into the ink directly. 

“I don’t want the point of the quill to scratch you.” He explained, after noticing Remus’ raised eyebrow. Something warmed inside Remus’ chest while something cold trickled over the outside. Remus closed his eyes and let himself focus on the slightly ticklish, but mostly soothing sensation of Sirius tracing patterns over his skin. 

“Done.” Sirius muttered after a while and Remus opened his eyes, raising his head a little to peer down at himself. He looked like some abstract piece of art, covered in black and blue and red and green, scars shining silver between it all. 

“Woah,” He breathed, “That’s pretty cool.”

Sirius grinned, then pointed to a star just over Remus; appendix. “That’s Sirius right there.”

Remus hummed, pursing his lips together, then grabbed a jar of ink, tracing a star a little messily, right over his heart. 

“Nah,” He countered, “Sirius is there.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but came up to press their lips together. In the morning, they both looked like works of art.

But I knew you, stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain. 

“I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll be taking this train.” James said, the four of them standing in a row on the platform, not yet ready to get on. 

“We’ll be back.” Remus said. “Someday, we’ll be back.”

Sirius linked their fingers together. As one, the marauders stepped onto the train. 

Mischief Managed.

I knew you, tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.

Remus just stared at the auror. 

“Mr Lupin,” The man said gently, playing his hand tenderly on Remus’ arm. Remus didn’t know what his name was. It was probable the man had said it but Remus wasn’t listening. Everything had gone dark. “I realise this must come as a shock.”

Remus wrenched his arm back, shaking his head. “A shock?” He laughed a little manically. “No, you’re wrong.”

“Mr Lupin, we have evidence that Sirius Black was the one to-”

“Well you’re wrong!” Remus yelled. Or maybe he had whispered. It was possible he hadn’t even spoken at all, but the words swirled around and around in his head. “I don’t know how, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong, this isn’t right, you have it all wrong, he would never-”

Remus gasped, pressing a hand to his cracking heart as if it would hold him together. “He would never.” He repeated, his voice breaking, tears streaming down his cheeks. When they had gotten there, he didn’t know, but their presence was suddenly noticeable with the cold rush against Remus’ skin. 

“I’m so sorry.” The auror said and then he was gone. And Remus was alone. 

Had it always been this way? Remus alone. Remus with friends. Remus with Sirius. Remus alone. 

Maybe he had made the entire thing up. 

But dreams didn’t leave you feeling like the last kiss you’d ever had was from a  dementor, not your true love. 

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He had said that to Sirius once. 

What a fool he had been. 

I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water, when you are young they assume you know nothing. 

“It is believed this was a plan Mr Black had been staging for quite some time now.” A newspaper read. Remus snorted and threw it in the fire. Sirius couldn’t even plan a week in advance. What they fuck did these people know. 

But then, what did Remus know? His love was long lost, Rapunzel in a tower. Remus was no knight. 

But he knew in his heart, none of this was true. He knew. He didn't care what anyone else said, they may have known his thoughts, but Remus knew his heart. 

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss. 

Sirius’ leather jacket still hung in the cupboard under the stairs. His hair potion, still in the shower. Remus couldn’t bear to see them. He could never throw them away. 

I knew you’d haunt all of my what if’s.

Remus should have fought harder for Harry. 

He should have, he should have, he should have, he should have. 

He should have known better.

What if.

A smirking smile and stormy eyes. Hair held up with a wand. Those same dark strands coiled around Remus’ fingers. 

The smell of smoke would hang around this long. Cause I knew everything when I was young. 

Remus woke up to James’ scream. Except it couldn’t be James. Unless… Had this all been a dream?

James opened his eyes and suddenly there was Lily. Lily and James and they didn’t know who Remus was. 

(Remus had been the first one to hold baby Harry. Before even Sirius. And now he didn’t even know him)

I knew I’d curse you for the longest time. 

Remus hated Sirius. Not for being the notorious mass murderer Sirius Black. But for leaving him alone.

Why is it possible to love someone who hates you? Remus wanted to laugh. His question to Sirius now would be this; Why couldn’t he stop loving someone he should hate.

Chasing shadows in the grocery line.

The students all murmured about the Grimm. The paintings gossiped about little else. Even the staff room had a few words on the subject matter. Remus tried not to let his heart flutter. 

(But his boy was free. And there was a grim on the loose).

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired.

Walking down to Hagrid's hut, Remus thought he saw something rustle in the bushes. He stepped off the path and looked closer, barely even breathing as his heart thundered, but the shadows that had lurked were gone. 

And you’d be standing in my front porch light.

“Lie low at Lupins.”

For the first time in twelve years, amber met grey. 

“Re,” Sirius croaked, and Remus shattered. He pulled Sirius inside the door quickly, shutting it and reinforcing all of the charms around his little cottage, drawing all the blinds shut and placing a charm around the area so he would know if anyone approached the house before he finally turned, and there he was. 

And I knew you’d come back to me.

Not Mass Murderer Sirius Black. 

Not even Padfoot. 

But Sirius. Remus’ Sirius. 

“Re,” Sirius said again, “It’s not true, it’s not true.” He said, repeating the words as he shook his head, eyes filling. “It’s not true, I would never.”

He would never.

Remus shook his head too, pulling Sirius into the tightest hug they ever might have shared. 

“I know.” He whispered. “I know.”

You’d come back to me.

Sirius after a few weeks of good food and warmth looked a lot more like the boy Remus had once known, but there was no denying the person with his was now a man. Remus supposed they both were. 

You’d come back.

“I love you.” Sirius whispered one night as they were curled under a blanket, Remus reading as Sirius lay on his chest, the position comforting and oh so familiar. 

“Do you think you could ever love me again?”

Remus’ heart cracked as he set down his book and curled his fingers gently around Sirius’ jaw, tilting his head so Remus could look into that swirling sea. 

“Love you again?” He said, his voice nearly cracking in disbelief. “Pads, how could I love you again when I never stopped?”

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favourite. 

“I can’t believe you still have this.” Sirius whispered, pulling the same cardigan he always stole out of the back of Remus’ drawer. 

“It used to smell like you.” Remus admitted. “But I wore it too much, I missed you too much.”

Sirius smiled, shrugging it on, it curling around his shoulders the way he curled into Remus, tilting his head up and pressing his lips against Remus’. 

“I can fix that.” He whispered and Remus held him close, taking his time. 

(For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

[choucars]

VSCVKZXGKAXTUVSMUVQGKCQYIVLAYICAUO

OH GODS. I just listened to mag160, I am just- blkblhlfbblvlb. It was marvelous, now of course because of the spoilers I knew something more had to happen to cause the apocalypse before s5, but not in THAT WAY. I hesitated to listen to it after mag159 because it was already a lot and quite satisfying, but I didn't expect it to happen like that (i mean I didn't know what to expect quite frankly).

Listen I love the statements and all, especially because of the voice acting that is so impressive (really the way a single person can read all those statements conveying not only the different emotions but also the new personality each time perfectly I've always found amazing), but it's always really exciting to have things happen "live" on the tape recorder. And the finales always offer a whole load of that, and one of the things I love most is the environmental sounds and the way the sound is handled (i mean its a podcast but) with the distance and the- the lonely for example- it's just great !

But then ! The finale happens in a statement, as it affects the world around, and it just underlines how important the statements are to the story and just- yes. Ok this is not linear to the episode but I don't care- The rain and the thunder, the weird fuckery- whatever's going on at the very end when we can hear outside ! I love it !!!!!

Ohhh and the line with the sky looking back is so good, and since I'd really liked (by which I mean was slightly obsessed over and tried to google it or looked for it in previous statements- whatever) the line about "the sky blinking" it just fit together with that and it was brilliant vejzkdkldjlam

Also- also yeah, Jon and Martin finally finding each other, and then leaving to live at the countryside in Scotland or something with cows and grass and thunder. Just neat !

Now let me go on about the statement itself. Alright I have to find the jokes about "apologies for the deception" because that was great, and just the general trick Elias (or Jonah ig) pulled, literally like a carrot on a stick, with jon being delivered his dinner and enjoying it alone, heaving a sigh of contentment, settling and starting the statement calm and like it was just the normalest thing- but then BAM ! Elias hits ! (I adore Elias so much now, great character, evil bitch) And the way jon only struggles once and then is just- overtaken by the statement, speaks for jonah, wearing his sneer and chuckling. It could have been a tape but it wasn't, Elias specifies it's on purpose. I say it was the most epic thing if not for the INCANTATION. OH YEAH. I get really excited about poetry and generally nicely written things, and that was just glorious. The last accumulation of verbs gave me chills. (I'll copy ot here just so I can read it again)

"Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies."

So overall it was great. I love it. I loved counting and recalling the encounters (thankfully they were listed in the statement because I almost alt tabbed to my death to try and find which ones had happened) (Oh oh also the lonely is so interesting, the spychological games and whatnot in mag159, i really liked that, it's really too bad peter is gone)

Anyways I'm done ranting, I was just overly excited about that so much that I had to leave the room to "express my excitement physically" (by which i mean happy stim, i think, is that what you call happy stim ? Idk)

I think I kinda like this podcast

[darkqueenofshadows85]

Sonic and the Secret Rings (2007) Story Review

Disclaimer: I will be judging this game by the plot and writing, not the gameplay.

Introduction

Greetings, mortals! For today's review, we'll be looking at what is often considered to be the black sheep of the five main Dark Era games, Sonic and the Secret Rings.

This is part of a series of reviews in which I’ll be going into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the main series Sonic game storylines, and why I think they're either well written and engaging, or an absolute trainwreck (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on the character portrayals, visuals, soundtracks, voice actors, and what themes/messages they had to offer. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions!

Anyway, let us begin! ^^

Plot

Erazor Djinn is fed up with being the genie from Aladdin, so he starts erasing the Arabian Nights book he is trapped in. Shahra calls out for Sonic for help to fight against Erazor Djinn.

Characters

I think Sonic's personality was perfectly captured here. He's cocky, stubborn, but heroic, badass, caring for the people he helps and his friends. I like that Sonic didn't command Shahra to not hand Erazor the World Rings. That he instead told her to do what she thought was right. It was a subtle thing but very appreciated, and says a lot about Sonic and his character. I also like how Sonic is so sarcastic and hilarious in this game. He has some brilliant lines in this, and unlike the cringey cheesy scripts he's been getting since Colors, his lines were genuinely funny, and it made him very entertaining to watch.

Shahra, in my opinion, is what Elise should have been. Not only does she work better as a traveling companion, but Sonic gives her the same advice of "Why so glum? You should smile more," but it feels more genuine, partly because there's no forced romantic undertones, Sonic's just trying to cheer her up. It also helps that Sonic's personality isn't muted, like it was in 06. He's the same Sonic that we've come to expect from the Adventure/Dark Eras.

Out of all the Dark Era villains, I think Erazor Djinn is somewhat underdeveloped. He's just the most generic bad guy ever without an interesting backstory. He had potential though, and he does have his moments. It's also implied that he was in a relationship with Shahra that went south, but it's never fully elaborated on.

I thought it was interesting seeing what roles Sonic's friends take in the Arabian Nights, like Tails as Ali Baba, and Knuckles as Sinbad just to name a few.

Visuals

I think the visual presentation is pretty well done, and I like how the cutscenes of this game and Black Knight look like a storybook. It seems very fitting to me. The CGI cutscenes in the beginning and end look fantastic as well.

Soundtrack

To be honest, I find the soundtrack to be kind of forgettable compared to the other Sonic game soundtracks. However, the main theme, Seven Rings In Hand, is really good in my opinion, and the ending theme, Worth a Chance, legit sounds like a wedding song, and a touching one at that.

One thing I loved that Dark Era Sonic did was that pretty much every mainline game, from ShTH all the way up to Black Knight, they would have a sad, emotional and awesome song play in the credits. I really wish I could go back to these days. These games were so awesome. Now they're just kiddy, boring and uninteresting.

Voice Acting

As always, Jason Griffith nails Sonic, and Bella Hudson was fantastic as Shahra. Peter Cormican really hammed it up as Erazor Djinn. He sounded like he was clearly enjoying the role. Amy Palant (Ali Baba), Dan Green (Sinbad) and Mike Pollock (King Shahryar) were all great as well.

Theme/Message

To be honest, I'm not sure what the theme/message of Secret Rings is exactly, but from what I could gather, I assume that the theme/message of the story is don't be ashamed about who you are, mainly due to Erazor Djinn and Sonic's relationship. Sonic knows who he is and is proud of it, but he is called a "rat" by Erazor Djinn, who was the genie from Aladdin but he chose not to be. Sonic is proud of who he is, but Erazor Djinn is the opposite. I'll admit I had a hard time trying to figure out what the theme/message of Secret Rings is. The tissue jokes at the beginning and end were apparently more important for the writers than the theme/message of the story.

Conclusion

Secret Rings may be the weakest of the five main Dark Era games in terms of writing quality, but I still think it's a decent story overall. The idea of Sonic exploring the world of the Arabian Nights is quite interesting, but I do feel that it could have been executed a lot better. It does have its moments though, and it is certainly better than any of the Meta Era games.

My final score:

3.5/5 (Okay)

[scvrllet]

fairtytales / j.p

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Summary: James always loved fairytales but one day, he finally learns why he shouldn’t believe in them so much

Prompt: “I can’t pretend about something that feels too real.” 

This is a submission for @approved-by-dentists‘ writing challenge which I’m so sorry for taking forever to finish

James Potter Tags: @hec1930 @jellybeanduck99 @jjklefttoe @mads-bri @dracoo-malfoy @niniabc

General HP Tags: @birdie-writes @lunaralpha270 @tinylumpiaa @slytherin-chaser @bloodblossom73 @pcseidcnsvoid @mischiefsemimanaged @accio-rogers @iamak20 @klaus-m-trash @obsessedwithrandomthings @susceptible-but-siriusexual @masterofthedarkness @lupins-sweater @hariosborn @vernon-dursley @slytherinwriter618 @missmulti @sambucky8 @a-c-lee @criesinlies @sokkasdarling

Permanent Tags: @sleep-i-ness @emmaloo21 @62442-am @flowersgrewbackasth0rns @un-limit-edd @angelicbabybutterfly @a-golden-sunflower-vol-6 @aliyahcat111 @hogswartshoe22 

Key: (Y/H/C) = your house colour

White lily flower petals littered the green grass, acting as an aisle for the bride to walk down as the guests waited impatiently in their seats. 

James was probably the most anxious out of everyone there. He had been in-love with you since sixth year back at Hogwarts and now here he was waiting for you to arrive at the wedding. 

Silver chairs were wrapped with pieces of white and ivory fabric, a combination you’ve always adored, and white tulips lined the aisle. There was a makeshift stage in front of them, where the bride and groom would stand and finally be one. The setting looked like something straight out of a fairytale. 

After a few minutes, you had apparated along with your parents. Since it was still in the midst of a war, you opted out of the traditional wedding dress your parents had wished for and opted for a simple but elegant dress instead. James held his breath as he watched your father walk you down the aisle and right pass him. 

***

Christmas was always your favourite holiday. Back home with your parents, the days counting down to Christmas were spent together as a family and gift exchanges were the best. You would’ve thought that this tradition would end after you got accepted into Hogwarts but your muggle parents had managed to get used to using the owl and were able to share the experience with you. 

With Christmas just a week away, your parents had already sent 7 owls, making the house elves who tended to the school owls very exhausted, and were sending another owl soon.

“They seem to really enjoy using owls.” James said as he watched an owl fly in through the Common Room and drop off a package into your lap. 

“I thought they would’ve been wary of using animals to send stuff but turns out I was wrong.” You replied as you opened the paper package. Since you were away from school, your parents had decided to switch the order of activities you’d all do. You were supposed to be baking cookies with your mom while your dad sang Christmas songs around the kitchen on this day.

Inside the package were two knitted sweaters, one a deep crimson and the other a (Y/H/C). Raising a brow at the second sweater, you searched the package for a note and found it in-between the two. 

Dear (Y/N),

Hi honey, your father and I hope you’re doing well at school. 

We know that today was supposed to be baking but we’ve heard that it’s been getting pretty cold up there in the highlands so we decided to send you your sweater earlier. Your father had also decided to knit an extra one for that James boy you’re always mentioning. We hope you both like them and we can’t wait to have you back home in two days! 

Love you.  Mom and dad. P.S: Why not bring James home for Christmas? We’re always happy to have guests over.

“You alright there (Y/N)?” James asked, causing you to look at him. You hadn't noticed that you were so focused on the letter in front of you until James pointed it out. “What’d they send today?”

“Oh just sweaters. They also knitted one for you.” 

James' face lit up and he practically dived into the spot beside you on the couch to grab said sweater. He held it up to look at it before quickly putting it on. It fit him perfectly. 

He had always loved the sweaters your parents knitted so now that he was able to have one of his own he couldn’t seem to hide the smile that graced his features. It suited him, both the sweater and the smile. He smiled often but it was more mischievous but this one was genuine. You liked seeing him like this. 

“I need to thank them. What’s a good gift I could get them?” James' question broke you out of your daydream. 

“You could come over?” It sounded more like you were reading off of a script rather than just asking him. Merlin why were you so nervous around this boy. 

“What?”

“For Christmas dinner. My parents wanted to invite you to our Christmas dinner. You don’t have to go of course, they were just suggesting it since I-”

“I’d love to.” 

Realizing what you were about to reveal, you were thankful for James cutting you off. You simply smiled at him and tried your best to contain your excitement as he went back to marveling at the sweater. 

“Bollocks, I have practice in ten,” James sighed. Pulling the sweater off his head you couldn’t but stare at the bit of exposed skin as his undershirt rose. “I’ll see you after practice love. Oh and the dinner! Send me an owl what time.” He said as he ran out of the Common Room a little too loudly. A few students shushed at him but by then he was already running down the halls towards the changerooms. 

***

“(Y/N) are you done yet?” Your mother called from downstairs. 

You were in your bathroom after your sixth outfit change of the night. For some reason the first five outfits weren’t what you had envisioned them to look like. After an hour of hair, makeup and six outfit changes, you finally felt content with your appearance and was finally  ready to go downstairs. 

James was supposed to arrive in less than an hour which meant you had more than enough time to get the table set and help put up any last minute decorations. Perhaps your parents took Christmas a little too seriously you thought to yourself, looking out the window at the giant candy canes and lights that lit up the entire yard. It looked like something out of a bloody Christmas story. 

“I’ll get it!” Your father announced after hearing the doorbell ring. Your mother chuckled and walked to join him at the door while you stood behind them, silently praying that they won’t embarrass themselves in front of the boy they knew you liked. 

“You must be James.” You heard your father say in a monotone voice. From the small space between your parents, you could see James' charming smile falter as he grew nervous. 

“Yes sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. (Y/L/N).” He said, surprisingly without stuttering, as he offered his hand out for them to shake. 

“Come in dear, you must be freezing.” Your mother said. Pushing your father to the side, she pulled him inside and offered to hang up his jacket. He politely declined and did it himself. 

Your father looked back at you and nodded at you causing you to roll your eyes. Tonight was going to be interesting.

“(Y/N)!” You heard James call out. Turning your head in his direction, you watched as he approached you with open arms and a smile. Wrapping your arms around him, you pulled him into a warm hug which made you shiver when you realized that he was freezing. “I got this for you and your parents.” He said as he handed you a fairly large gift bag. 

Setting it on the couch, you opened it up to see a few bottles from his parents beauty line along with some baked goods. He even bought two candles in your favourite scent and candy. He knew you too well. 

“Dinner is ready!” 

Perhaps your parents were a little too excited for this dinner. Their eyes went wide as they watched James pull out the chair for you before taking the one beside you, facing your parents. While your father grabbed food for himself and your mom, James filled up your plate with foods he knew you liked. Your parents shared a knowing look before starting to pester the poor boy with questions. 

The questions started off as generic: What are your goals, what is your plan for the future, what are your favourite classes, what house are you in and etc. Your parents acted as if they hadn’t already known the answer to these questions due to the amount of times you’ve told them about him.

“Are you dating anybody?” Your father had decided to ask, ignoring how your eyes went wide and signed for him to stop. 

“Oh I actually am.” James replied and your father raised a brow. Your mother looked both shocked and hurt for you. “She’s in Gryffindor like me, Lily Evans. We’ve been dating for two weeks so far.” 

“That’s great, I’m sure she’s lovely.” Your mother quickly regretted saying that as the rest of the dinner was spent talking about Lily Evans. James would not shut up for a second talking about how lovely and amazing she was that you were more than relieved when he noticed the time and had to leave. 

After the door closed behind him, your parents barely had a chance to call for you as you ran up the stairs and into your room. You didn’t come out until the following afternoon when they bribed you with waffles despite it being 3 pm. 

***

After the Christmas dinner with James the news of his new relationship quickly spread. You started isolating yourself from him, not that you had to even try considering he’d spend all his time with Lily. As weeks went by you’d start talking to Remus, who you grew a sibling-like relationship with the more you talked ot each-other. It started off with complaining about how James essentially ditched you and his friends to spend all his time with Lily and barely even remembering to say hi to them. Then as it progressed you both started to actually spend time with each-other and talk without any mention of James Potter or Lily Evans. 

During this time, James' two other friends, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, were still trying to get a word with James but after one too many failed attempts, decided to join Remus. You quickly befriended them both, just like how you did with Remus, and the four of you spent if not all, most of your free time outside of classes together. It was like you had replaced the void James’ left in their group. 

Before his relationship, James was often said to act like a mother to the boys but when you joined, it was actually Remus who became the mother hen. He was the one nagging you to study and telling Sirius to actually pay attention in class and stopping Peter from wanting to raid the kitchen every other hour. As much as he’s grown to love you, he did not hesitate to complain about how childish you acted but you would only stick your tongue out at him before finally starting to do what you were supposed to. You really did become the sister he never had and despite him getting annoyed every few minutes, he truly did love you and wanted the best for you. 

Maybe that was why he had snapped at James when the boy came crawling back to his friends. News spread like wildfire around Hogwarts that James had broken up with Lily and despite you being one of the first few people to hear about it, you didn’t care.

“What do you mean I can’t tell her?” James asked. Remus and Peter were in their dorms, previously in a conversation before James barged into the room asking for their forgiveness of how he’s been treating them the past few months. 

“I said, you’re not going to tell (Y/N) that you’re in-love with her.” Remus replied calmly before turning back to Peter. 

“But why.”

“Because she’s dating Sirius now that’s why!” James fell silent and could only look at Remus in shock. “The two people you’ve hurt the most are together now. And they’re happy as well so there is no way in hell I’m going to let you ruin it.” 

“Moony I’m in-love with her, what do you want me to do.?”

“Suck it up. Act like you’re not. You were amazing at completely ignoring us for the past few months anyways.”

“This is different I can’t pretend about something that feels too real. Moony you’ve got to understand that I’m in-love with her.” 

“Well that’s too bad,” Remus said as he stood up. Regardless of how much he loved his friend, he not only hurt him but others in ways that no one deserved to ever go through. “Because I’m not letting you ruin what they have going on. You actually had a chance, back when she gave you that sweater. She was still in-love with you until-”

“The dinner.” 

Remus nodded and motioned for Peter to stand up. “I’m sorry.” He said before walking out the door with Peter in tow. 

James watched as his friends left the room. He didn’t even know he was crying until he had tasted the tears on his tongue  but just like his feelings, he realized a little too late. 

***

You walked right past him and onto the makeshift stage with the help of your husband-to-be, Sirius Black. Standing behind him was Remus, the best-man, who had a bright smile as he watched his two best-friends finally get married. 

James tried his best to be happy. He really did. But how was he supposed to be happy when he was attending the girl he’s been in-love with for years, especially when he wasn’t the one she was getting married to. Sure he was able to make amends with them but that was about it. He went back to being her friend when he could’ve been more. He was even given the chance at one point but he blew it. This is all my fault. He thought to himself as he watched the newly wedded Mr. and Mrs. Black walk back down the aisle as the guests threw petals in the air. 

The scene before him looked like an image straight out of a fairytale. James used to love hearing fairytales growing up but today he learned something about them; they aren’t real.

[spaceorphan18]

Kurt Duets Ranked

Part 2 of my Kurt Performances series, we move onto duets -- which will probably the least exciting of conversations, because this isn’t going to be much different than my Klaine Duets rankings.  I didn’t go check that, however, so we’ll see how I feel about them now that more time has passed.  

Meanwhile, the thing about the duets section is that while there are a ton of great songs in this one, it feels limited.  Glee didn’t like to stray from what it knew worked, and therefore, we get Kurt having only a handful of duet partners, and only two of them make up a majority of the songs.  It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get more Kurt and Mercedes duets, but even more unfortunate that Kurt didn’t sing with a larger variety of people.  I mean, could you imagine a season 4 Kurt/Santana duet? Or something season 1 or 2 with Kurt/Quinn?  Lots of possibilities, little room for experimentation.  

That said - I do enjoy a vast majority of these songs, and like the solos, most of them complement Kurt’s story nicely.  

Kurt Duets Ranked:

27. Candles (Original Song, 2x16)

You guys can’t seriously be surprised by this, right? As with all of these numbers, I went back to listen to see if I’ve changed my mind.  Nope.  And here’s the funny part - I actually do like this song.  But the arrangement, production, and context of this number is terrible.   My theory is that Original Song had so many songs in it that they were rushed to get this one done.  Coupled with the fact that that the arrangement was redone (by Darren? - idk, Darren’s usually better than this.) and probably rushed means that it was just sloppy by the time they got to production.  

From a music point of view, the arrangement is not complementary to either of their voices, and both of them clash on harmonies and go out of tune multiple times throughout the song.  On top of that, the emotion of the song is completely off.  It’s a break up song -- purposely more tailored for the Finchel story line at the time -- but doesn’t mesh well with Klaine’s getting together story.  It feels awkward and out of place, and one of those times where I think who ever picked this song made a bad choice.  

I know there are those out there who like it -- and that’s great! Don’t let me slow you down.  But it will remain a weak link in an otherwise solid discography.  

26. Get Back (Tina in the Sky with Diamonds, 5x02)

While this is way, way better than Candles, I do think it’s a weaker number for Kurt, and Kurt/Rachel, seeing that you’ll see they have some fantastic numbers coming up on this list.  Not a favorite Beatles song of mine in the first place, not helping is the fact that this song should have a grittier and harsher sound than either of these relatively more classically trained vocalists can give it.  

There is some fun with the choreography (weird NYADA piano tuning thing aside - that’s not how you tune pianos...), and Kurt and Rachel’s voices mesh just fine, but the rest of songs on the list just offer a bit more.

25. Memory (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

This one is... rough.  And it makes me sad to say that about a song picked specifically by Chris Colfer.  For Kurt’s part, it’s a perfectly adequate rendition of Memory, though I think it lacks any of the deeper emotion that Kurt normally brings to his solos.  But marring it further is the addition of June Squibb (who doesn’t have the same caliber of voice) and the fact that the scene itself is a bit of forced sentimentality.  I get what Chris was going for in the script, but we’ve barely met these people, and they’re not memorable enough for us to get a tug on the heartstrings that this song wants us to have.  The scene just kinda falls flat. (I’m sorry Chris!)

24. Lucky Star (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

I promise, I’m not picking on Chris, even if the two songs he specifically wrote for himself are down here at the bottom.  At least this one has more entertainment value even if I think it’s not a great performance.  Kurt flying around as Peter Pan is super cute, and the song choice works relatively well with the scene.  Once again, though, June Squibb’s Maggie is not a vocalist (And that’s fine - she’s a super cute old person), as well as this is bogged down in that weird sentimentality Memory was going for.  It’s not really good, but at least it’s entertaining.

23. Story of My Life (The Back Up Plan, 5x18)

On a list featuring the what works and doesn’t for Kurt’s performances, this one just... oy.  First of all, technically, the boys sound fine.  Their voices mesh just fine, as usual, though Blaine’s voice is better suited for these slightly melodramatic boy band numbers.  It’s a fine song to listen to in the car.  Watching the performance, though, is rough.  It’s done that way intentionally, to fit the context of the story -- and while it’s supposed to be comedic, to me it comes off as awkward and cringeworthy.  Kurt has some odd performance choices, but normally a good performer, and this makes him kind of a bumbling idiot for the sake of the story, to the point where I rarely ever watch this one.  I get what they were going for, and enjoy the song as just a song, but am not really a fan of the actual performance.

22. It’s Too Late (Jagged Little Tapestry, 6x03)

This one I definitely have some mixed feelings about.  The song is fine, albeit a little on the pop-y side, though that’s intentional for the theme of the episode.  And it’s the first time one of these songs directly commentating on the story that’s actually going on with Kurt.  On the one hand, the angst of the scene is played well, and these boys pining for each other works for this part of the story.  On the other, the vocals are a tad on the generic side (though these boys always sound great each other), and I’m still not sure I understand what was going on with the fantasy element during the middle of the song.  Still, it accomplish the feel the story needed, which is why it gets bumped up here.  

21. I Am Changing (New Directions, 5x13)

We only get two Kurtcedes duets on this show, which is a damn travesty.  But what makes it harder is this one is, well, a little one sided.  Mercedes freakin’ brings the house down with her half of the song -- clearly Amber Riley deserves all the credit she got for doing Dream Girls.  Kurt, on the other hand, sounds a little rough here.  I’m not sure if it’s because Chris’s voice changed during the show, and it actually got deeper, or if it’s due to the weird production values of season 5, but Kurt’s solo verse is a bit harsh and unrefined, and not in a good way.  Mercedes saves it and steals the show, and when the two come together they sound fantastic, but this one gets dropped a little further down because it’s just not a strong one for Kurt.  Add to that the fact that they’re trying to make Rachel and Santana be friends again, and the song is unfortunately a weaker one.

20. I Believe In A Thing Called Love (Frenemies, 5x09)

Look, I love Elliott, and I love that Adam Lambert came onto the show.  He and Chris had some great chemistry, which actually does show through this performance.  It’s fun and crazy and a bit out of Kurt’s normal repertoire, but that’s okay, because Kurt lets loose a little, and it’s really fun to watch.  No - Kurt can’t match Elliott when it comes to the heavier rock material -- this is much better suited for Lambert than it is for Colfer, and there are times when Kurt kind of gets overshadowed and out performed, but that’s fine.  We get to see Kurt pole dance - I think that’s justification enough to have it where it is on the list.

19. White Christmas (Glee, Actually, 4x10)

Believe it or not, out of the three Christmas duets Kurt and Blaine have, this is my favorite to listen to.  I love this song, and I love this arrangement.  They sound gorgeous on it as it highlights the strengths of their voices when singing together.  My biggest issue is, really, with the scene overall.  Look - it’s not easy choreographing people who aren’t used to doing routines on ice skates, and I get that.  But due to that fact, the performance ends up being a lot of shots of people who aren’t Kurt and Blaine, and that’s a shame.  The other two Christmas duets are much more in sync than this one, and this one is really being held back by the technical difficulty.  Still - I like the song, and the context that it’s in, which is why it’s as high as it is.  

18. Let it Snow (Extraordinary Merry Christmas, 3x09)

While lower than it perhaps deserves, upon watching it again, I know I’m placing it higher on the list of Klaine duets.  It’s an incredibly hard number to do with all the dance steps and vocal runs, and the two of them nail it while being in character as their characters and as the Christmas special characters.  I’m kind of in awe at the technical ability of this one, and it’s a shame the writers didn’t always play to Kurt and Blaine’s (and Chris and Darren’s) strengths.  It’s not a personal favorite of mine, nor does the song hold much weight with their story, but it’s an incredible embodiment of what makes Klaine - Klaine, and showcases how well they can work together when given really good material.  

17. You Make Me Feel So Young (New, New York, 5x14)

This is one of those songs that I go back and forth on, and really could write a dissertation on it, because I think there are a lot of elements both internal and external going on, which makes the onscreen performance... weird.  But I feel like that would get way too long for the likes of this already too long post.  So, I’ll say this.  Vocally, they sound fantastic together, which is why I think it deserves to be up there on the list.  It’s also one of the few times that we get to see genuine domestic Klaine being themselves with each other, which is also very cool.  My issues with the acting and directing of the scene are very nitpicky, and it all lines up with my growing consensus that one of the weaker elements of season 5 were the musical numbers, but if y’all want more, I’ll do another post on just this song specifically.  For now, I’ll just say that I enjoy the good things about the song, even if some of it leaves an awkward taste in my mouth.

16. Animal (Sexy, 2x15)

Animal is one of the few truly comedic performances Kurt gets to do.  Between the silly sexy faces, euphemistic foam, and overkill addition of plastic balls, it’s hard to take this one very seriously, but that is the point.  Both boys sound great on it, and it’s a lot of fun to watch -- being cringy in a good way.  I really don’t have any criticisms of it besides I just prefer the others on the list just a bit more.  But we’re getting into that territory where I think all of these songs are solidly good, and on any given day, I could rearrange the whole list.  

15. 4 Minutes (The Power of Madonna, 1x15)

The second, and original, of the Kurtcedes duets, this is the first time in the show that Kurt gets to turn his sexy on, and it’s really awesome that they give him the chance to shine in such a way.  Despite the fact that Kurt is doing the occasional weird hand gesture and choreography in this one, he and Mercedes play off each other incredibly well, and it’s a shame they never let these two really get to do anything once the juggernaut of Hummelberry came along.  No, the song isn’t the best for Kurt’s voice, but sometimes it’s the spectacle of what’s going on during the number rather than how it sounds.  

14. Love is a Battlefield (Tested, 5x16)

Showing that not all Season 5′s numbers were, well, not up to par as everything else, we’ve got this Klaine duet, which might be one of my favorite pieces of choreography and showmanship on the show.  I really don’t like the song, at all, which I know goes against the grain of a lot of you, but it’s a testament to how powerful this number is visually that I’ve ranked it so high. (It’s about anger sex guys, and more sexual than the scarcely few sexy time-ish scenes we actually got.)  The boys sound great on it, and the layered acting in it is pitch perfect.  I love this duet, even if I’m not a fan of the song.

13. Ding, Dong, The Witch is Dead (The Purple Piano Project, 3x01)

Well, there is a reason Hummelberry was what it became, and this showcases that to perfection. The song isn’t worth much story wise, but it does show just how wonderfully these two play against each other, as well as sounding great together.  This song is playful and light and the perfect showcase for what real talents they both are.  I have my issues with Hummelberry (really, I do) but I can’t deny that they’re standout performers together, and everything about this number comes together to show that off.  

12. Perfect (I Kissed a Girl, 3x07)

Look, this list is subjective.  Yes, there are a few that stand over the rest and a few that are really not that great, but most of Kurt’s duets, like his solos, are really all solid performances.  And I just happen to really love this song.  I’m not going to defend Blaine’s questionable rapping or the context this song is performed in the episode.  But what I will say is that I love what the lyrics have to say about Klaine’s relationship at the time, and the fact that they both (but especially Kurt) sound so great here.  Plus, I enjoy jamming out to this one in my car.

11. Daydream Believer (Dreams Come True, 6x13)

This just happens to be one of my favorite songs ever, and I’m so glad this got to be the last Klaine duet.  I have no issues about how well they sound together.  As cute as they are dancing with the kids, I do wish the context would have been totally different -- I wish that they were singing this to each other -- or their own child.  But I still think it’s a pretty meaningful song, and I love it, so here we are.  

10. Just Can’t Get Enough (I Do, 4x14)

I unabashedly love this song.  Sure the song is rather repetitive and is going on during other people’s plot lines, but every time I hear this one, I just want to get up and dance along with it.  The boys sound great on it, and they get to be rather flirty in the moments that the camera is actually on them.  If only the had more screen time, I probably put this one higher near the top.  

9. Somebody Loves You (Transitioning, 6x07)

A lot like Just Can’t Get Enough, this duet is flirty and adorable and I love everything about it. They sound great together and, as usual, play off each other well.  On top of that, the song itself plays nicely into the Klaine story of the moment, which I appreciate.  It’s not a perfect performance, but an incredibly enjoyable one, and that’s what matters.

8. American Boy (The Untitled Rachel Berry Project, 5x20)

Are either Kurt or Blaine suite for Rap and R&B? No, not really, but do I care? No.  As you’ve probably noticed, I love these flirty duets, this is one of the best ones.  Sure, they don’t really capture the style or tone of the original very well.  But they’re having a lot of fun out there and being adorable while doing it.  And Kurt simulates having sex.  I mean, do I really need to say more?  But really - I actually enjoy this song a lot, so there we go.

7. Popular (2009, 6x12)

This is easily the best performance of Kurt’s limited performances in season 6.  Kurt and Rachel haven’t head a duet together since Season Five’s Get Back (interesting right?) but they’re able to turn right back on the magic that was going on in the earlier seasons.  This song is near perfection -- the acting is solid, the performance is layered -- being both comedic and a commentary about the both of them, and they sound wonderful together.  This is truly a treat for the end of the series, and I’m a little sad the rest of the season didn’t put as much effort into its musical numbers.

6. Come What May (Girls and Boys on Film, 4x15)

The thing about Come What May, for me, is that it’s deeply a romantic song - and shot (intentionally) in a very movie-like way.  I love so much about this, from the staging, to the bit of flashbacks setting the tone at the beginning, to the misdirect and reveal that it’s really Kurt’s fantasy and not Blaine’s.  Vocally, there are a few weaker spots towards the beginning, but that can be overlooked when visually and lyrically there is so much wonderful things going on here.  I love when a performance can have layers to it -- and this one say so much about Kurt as a character and the head space that he’s in, while being deeply romantic without being vulgar, that it firmly takes a spot near the top of the list.  

5. Got to Get You Into My Life (Love, Love, Love, 5x01)

The thing that’s so great about good Klaine duets is their push and pull of each other.  This duet has a ton of that -- each of them playing against each other in such a flirty way.  They sound great, they look great, the number has a ton of energy, and the bright tone is a nice change from all the somberness that came along with season 4.  It’s a visual treat as well as a aural one, and nearly flawless in execution, which is why it’s ranked so high on the list.  

4. Rockstar (New, New York, 5x14)

Is this really one of Kurt’s best duets? Technically, probably not.  I don’t really care - I. Love. This. Song. Really, I listen to it all the time, and it’s just a song I never tire of.  It’s really Adam Lambert’s show, and Kurt is kind of dancing around like the littler brother of the rockstar that is Elliot ‘Starchild’ Gilbert.  And I do think Kurt and Elliot’s voices mesh rather well -- even if Kurt’s overshadowed a bit here.  But that’s all fine - because this song makes me happy for no other reason that it does, and that’s a fine reason to be near the top of the list.  

3. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (A Very Glee Christmas, 2x10)

I keep trying to think of reasons not to put this as the number one Klaine duets.  I keep looking at the list thinking that something else about one of the other duets will stand out more, and I just can’t.  This scene and this performance is damn near flawless.  I’ve already talked about this scene at length, and I really don’t have anything new to add, but here’s the thing -- this song sounds wonderful, the game of cat and mouse they play with each other is one of the best scenes on the entire show, and I can’t say enough at how brilliant and layered and amazing this scene is.  Hands down, best Klaine duet, and one of the best overall duets on the show.  

2. Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy (Duets, 2x04)

The thing is, about this duet, is that it’s iconic.  Just hands down iconic.  Not only were they able to take an old school mash-up done by Babs and Judy and make it their own, but they gave it the same amount of power and emotion the original had as well. I don’t think it’s easy to sit on a stool and make any kind of song engaging but these two are able to do it.  They sound flawless on a technically difficult song.  There’s subtly and nuance in the performance.  There’s balance and give and take. And contextually, it fits in nicely with where each of the characters are at.  On top of that, it’s a really great arrangement of these two songs in the first place.  I have nothing but good things to say about one of my favorite songs and favorite performances on the show.  And while Hummelberry has so, so many issues as a friendship -- their ability to make amazing performances together was not one of them.

1. For Good (New York, 2x22)

I went back and forth on what the order of the top three would be -- they could easily be interchangeable they’re all so good.  But here’s the thing about this one.  I feel like this one just takes an extra step up in, well, everything -- the performance level, the context, the layers of emotion woven through this song, it just hangs itself up a little higher than the rest of them.  Yes, Kurt and Rachel sound as good as they ever do -- playing off each other and meshing with each other brilliantly.  But this song is a grand musical theater piece that they pull off masterfully.

But on top of that... The weight this song has is given is higher than pretty much any other song on this list.  it’s a perfect fitting song that punctuates their paralleling journey throughout the season.  This song is a final statement and thesis of everything that became before it, and because of that, I’m ranking it as the best of Kurt’s duets.  

[billdenbrough]

so, a while ago, @audraphillipps tagged this post with a tag saying that bichie were on ron/harry levels, and like... i have literally not stopped thinking about it since? i was talking to @neibolttrio when nat’s reblog popped up on my dash and i went completely feral (ara can confirm, and also was right there with me) bc there’s just like. so much there!!

i know i said in the neville/eddie ask that i tend to think mapping characters onto each other is reductive, and i stand by that (there’s a difference between loose parallels and trying to make them fit neatly, you know? and sometimes equating the characters isn’t the most effective way to express that), and it’s not even what nat was saying, but like. there are parallels

just to get the basics down: bill/harry, richie/ron

(which is interesting bc @benverlesbians and i were having a discussion (well, in tags) where i posited stan as logos and eddie as pathos, and bc jem is galaxy brain, she carried it home to position richie as ethos, and i stand by our choices, but for the golden trio, i’d put harry as ethos and ron as pathos and hermione as logos (like i think there’s other combinations that fit too, but i think this fits best for me), which is interesting. not bc i think the parallels need to map perfectly, but it’s just really fucking fascinating to me how people can shift in different contexts, like new dynamics lead to new positionings... [siken vc: what can you know about a person? they shift in the light. you can’t light up all sides at once] anyway tangent over)

like on the most basic of levels, bill leads his friendship group, and richie is his Loyal Best Friend who follows him everywhere, even places he doesn’t want to go (ron LITERALLY invokes the idea of following. “follow the spiders,” he says, twelve and terrified and going anyway, because harry’s going, because hermione’s hurt and needs them, because hagrid’s been accused, because ron loves his friends)

i think something we don’t talk about super often (at least recently, i don’t want to presume about earlier content i missed) is how anger plays its part in bill’s story, in terms of the degree to which it motivates his quest to kill It. like at one point in the book he even frames it as “using his friends, risking their lives — to settle the score for his dead brother”, which i think is indicative of the anger/desire for revenge that drives it (and that’s not all that motivates him, but it’s definitely a major component)—-that sense of revenge isn’t present as much in the films, mostly because bill is desperate to try hold onto the idea that georgie is still alive (haha, harry after sirius goes through the veil, anyone?), but it’s still there, i think, mostly in the moments bill charges off (even when all his friends are shouting at him to wait or not go) bc he’s so determined that It won’t get away, not this fucking time. and that’s something true of harry too, the way his anger can consume him. we see it throughout the whole series, but order of the phoenix is the most relevant part rn, with how enraged he is after sirius’ death. how gasping and jagged and burning with fury he is. he tries to hurt bellatrix, wants to hurt her in ways we’ve never seen from him, and it’s desperate furious grief leading him to chase her from the room with the veil. and there’s a line, a little later, that always hits me in the chest: when harry is shouting I DON’T CARE and destroying dumbledore’s office, the reply is “you care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it”. which honestly is just generally applicable to the losers, given how much heart they have and how much trauma they endure, but i look at baby book bill, with his revenge-seeking, and i look at jaeden’s bill, with his trembling voice but resolute expression as he gives the “walking into this house is easier than walking into my own” speech, and this quote hits me in the chest

(wrt the bill quote abt risking their lives: it’s important, i think, bc it’s incredibly cognisant of what he’s asking, which is illuminating. but ig to balance it against some things losers say, so that it’s... like he leads them there, absolutely, but they all follow him, and that’s important too. they do choose to, and their choice matters, it’s not just on him. anyway something eddie says, while looking at bill (and it’s not like. in the context of dying for bill’s quest, but it’s got the love and hero worship mention that suggests it applies to more than just the moment), “some stuff has to be done even if there is a risk. that’s the first important thing i ever found out i didn’t find out from my mother”. also, when the werewolf has bill, he’s shouting for richie to go, to get out, and richie stays and tries to save him instead. and i think both their choices there matter)

richie, as much as he Jokes, is one of the more pragmatic and resourceful losers, and really fucking smart, and so often underestimated. (hello, master strategist ron weasley. hello, prefect who literally nobody expected. hello, insecurity) like... we all know how richie is brainy, but also, like. when he’s not clouded by his own fears, he sees things with clarity so sharp it could cut you. (“It’s a monster,” Richie said flatly. “Some kind of monster. Some kind of monster right here in Derry. And it’s killing kids.”) there’s a line, bill says it when talking abt richie and eddie in fights, and it’s about how richie simply can’t keep his mouth shut, like he has to insult bowers, even when he’s got his hands on him. which is actually pretty harry energy, but ron’s the closest thing amongst any of the hp characters to a trashmouth, ron’s the one who doesn’t hesitate to be rude on behalf of his friends (harry tends to be worked up when he says these things; ron’s just naturally got that energy. “light reading? that’s light reading?” is the same energy as “can only virgins see this? is that why i’m not seeing this shit?” don’t @ me), ron’s the one who drags harry for filth when he’s being an idiot. ron follows harry, even when he’s mad about it. and boy oh boy. richie is ambitious, richie is always practicing his Voices because he wants them to be worth a damn one day, richie is constantly trying. and ron’s erised is based in simply wanting to stand out in a family full of people he thinks are more interesting or valued than him, amongst best friends who are more incredible, which is a different motivation, sure, but look at his dreams. look at how high he rises when he lets himself want it. richie’s always doing Voices because it’s easier to Pretend to be someone else than be himself, and ron is constantly scrabbling for purchase in a world where he thinks he’ll never be worthy

(there’s room for discussion about how ron’s fears are primarily creature based—spiders, werewolves, the grim; how sirius hurt him, even unintentionally, how he was betrayed by peter, how his father was attacked by a snake, how his brother was attacked by a werewolf—and how richie has his famous werewolf, but that’s more abstract of an analysis than i’m doing here, i’m just thinking about the parallels, so this is more throwing a thought out.)

and, boy oh boy. my favourite part of this. i mean, we get ron and harry always together (consider: neibolt house (in the book, when bill and richie go there; in the film, when they’re confronting the doors, separated from eddie) as their chamber of secrets), them being best friends, ron having harry’s back even against his own family (ron angrily tearing up percy’s letter and calling him a git, esp after harry doesn’t know how to react in a way that doesn’t show how much it upsets him, has my entire fucking heart), harry having ron as “what [he’ll] sorely miss”... but. but but but. we also have the goblet of fire fight. even more crucially, we have the blow up in deathly hallows. they fight, they fight, and it’s bad. harry and bill you could compare a little with their focus, ig, but the crucial part is ron and richie. ron throws harry’s parents in his face when he’s terrified for his family (and under the influence of a horcrux); richie says georgie’s dead and for the first time all film, doesn’t take it back, not when eddie’s gone and stanley’s terrified and ben’s leaking blood and richie doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want his friends to die. it’s best friends fighting viciously, with something too sharp to hold—-it’s words that cut like knives, fists in the middle of the street and leaving when they’ve always followed you.

but. it’s also coming back. when harry needs him, ron is there. they haven’t had a chance to talk about anything, but ron is saving him. when bev goes missing, when bill goes to richie, even though thing are still fractured, still angry, richie comes back. richie follows. even when they haven’t talked about anything as far as we can tell, even when there’s no resolution to their fight, richie’s the one who stands up and makes the choice that mobilises the losers, the one who tells bill everything bad that’s happened from following him but follows him yet again, doesn’t leave him behind, stays and saves him. it’s about the coming back, the saving, the i’d follow you anywhere of it all. like god but georgie/bill is the dynamic that informs chapter one & richie/bill is the dynamic that drives it // lily/harry is the dynamic that informs the hp series but ron/harry is the one that bookends it—-the first person he ever chooses, who ever chooses him in return, and he’s right there at the end, when all is well. billrichie ronharry best friend RIGHTS

not really part of this but other things that make me scream: bill and richie on silver when richie’s catatonic/harry and ron when ron’s out of it bc of the brains (and also, now that i think abt it, injured from sirius’ bite). ron clinging to harry’s side in the forbidden forest w aragog/“i’m stickin’ with you, big bill”. ron imitating harry’s parseltongue to get to the chamber of secrets, taking hermione down the path they took/richie remembering confronting the doors with bill, trying to take eddie down the path they took.

[rainbowholland]

Totally Meant For That To Happen | Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: It’s Y/N and Peter’s first date, and not all goes as planned.

WC: 4.8K

Warnings: Nothing, as far as I know

A/N: At last, this is the thing I’ve been talking about for weeks now! Finally finished, (a bit poorly edited), and very cute. This is technically the second part of the first Peter Parker imagine/oneshot thingy I wrote a couple of weeks back, but can be read on its own!

Enjoy!

:::

“You look beautiful honey,” my mom complimented me as I walked down the stairs.

It was the day of my first date with Peter, and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I was more on the verge of breaking down in stress.

“Thank you, and thank you for the dress,” I smiled, giving her a small hug. 

The day after Peter had asked me out, she had dragged me to the mall to buy me “something nice to wear for once”. We’d settled on a cheap, white cotton dress that actually somehow was comfortable and looked pretty good on me. “Are you sure you shouldn’t have a jacket, just in case you get cold?” dad asked, a concerned frown on his face. 

He had been surprisingly okay with Peter asking me out, claiming that if anyone were to date me, it should be the sweet childhood friend who dad had known since birth. 

I sighed, and ran up to my room to grab a beige wool cardigan, before running down again. Mom stood ready with the car keys in hand. I hugged my dad goodbye, and then we were in the car. 

“Are you excited?” Mom asked as we pulled out of the driveway.

I nodded, straightening out my skirt over my lap and trying in general not to look at the road. I was really excited, but I was also very, very nervous. Peter and I were best friends first, and now we were taking a step into new territory, but what happened if we found out we didn’t like each other as a couple? Were we now crossing a line that would be impossible to step back from? 

“I remember my first date with your dad. I was also really nervous, wondering if the risk of getting my heart broken was worth it. But honey,” she paused to look over at me, making sure I was listening. “It was worth it, and it’s always worth it. Unless the guy is giving off bad and possibly dangerous vibes, then it is not worth it, but this is Peter, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

I chuckled a little, thinking about how he had just that day told me a story about how he managed to save a girl out of an abusive relationship by bringing her to a shelter that dealt with stuff like that. It wasn’t what he usually had to do, but he was the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, which meant he looked out for and helped everyone, whether that help was finding the way to the nearest grocery store or getting out of abusive relationships.

“Yeah, but that’s not what I’m afraid of mom. Peter is my best friend, and I don’t want that to stop. I’m just scared that it won’t be the same. Or that we will break up, and won’t be able to get to the same place we are now.”

The one hand she kept on the gear stick, she moved to rest above mine on my lap. “Honey, everything has already changed. That doesn’t mean it’s changing for the worse! And yeah, there is a possibility that you two break up - according to statistics a very high chance - but that does not mean you won’t be able to find your way to where you are now. It might not be completely the same, but it can still be just as wonderful.”

I sighed. I had already gone through this speech with myself when standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, but it did help a bit having my mother hold it. “Yeah, I guess, I just can’t shake that feeling. But besides that I’m really excited!”

Now it was my mom’s turn to chuckle, squeezing my hand before she put it back on the stick.

“What are you doing tonight?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. He refused to tell me what, he just told me to dress ‘pretty and comfortable’, so I’m guessing we’re going to the movies or something.”

“Hmm, maybe. Do you know how long you will be gone?”

I shook my head again. “Nope. Like I said, he refused to tell me anything. If you want to know when to get me, you’ll have to ask him.”

“I’ll make sure to ask him.” 

The rest of the way was just my mom talking about why I shouldn’t be nervous and me growing even more nervous for every feet we drove closer to his apartment.

When we were finally there, I wasn’t even sure I would be able to get out of the car. I was sure I would just drip out of it in a puddle of nervous. Thankfully, my mom reminded me that I had to breathe, and then made sure to give me an extra tight hug. 

Peter was there when I turned to the doors of his apartment build, a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his hand, and a grin adorning his cute face. I felt my heart jump out of my chest, and my mood immediately went from feeling incredibly nervous and excited to feeling incredibly calm and happy to be in his presence, and as he hugged me, there was like a tranquility settled over the whole atmosphere as I looked into his chocolate eyes and our own little bubble shielded us from the rest of the world. 

I wondered briefly, as he made his way over to me, when I had started to separate the rest of the world from us. When had one look transported me to another place, where no one existed but us? When had I become such a love-sick sap?

“H-Here, these are for you. And… you look beautiful by the way.”

Warmth spread across my whole face as I accepted the flowers, taking note of the daisies - my favorite flowers. 

“I’m sorry for ruining this little moment for you, but, uh, Peter, when can I come to get Y/N?”

And just like that, the little bubble burst, and in came all those annoying noises of traffic and bypassers and birds and whatever else could make sound in a big city.

“Uhm, around ten,” his voice rose, which I knew by heart meant he was unsure and insecure. 

“It’s okay, mom, I’ll send you a text, and if it’s too late I’ll take a bus.” I grabbed Peter’s hand, something I had stopped doing in third grade when we got made fun of because holding hands meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He intertwined his fingers with mine, and I discovered with glee that his cold hands fit perfectly in my warm hands.

“Okay, just be safe,” she gave me a one handed hug, as I was busy holding Peter’s hand, “and have fun.” 

I smiled and looked over to Peter, who looked a little nervous and uncomfortable. “I think it’ll be an amazing evening, thanks mom. Do you think maybe you could take these home with you and put them in some water? I’d hate for such pretty flowers to die on me.”

She smiled, accepted the bouquet and gave us one last wave, before she walked back to the car. 

“O-kay,” Peter said, his voice doing that little jump thing that usually happened when he was nervous. “Are you ready?”

I nodded, and grinned because now that bubble was back and I felt safe and content, like nothing bad could happen to us. He started walking, and I followed him, wondering where the heck we were going. He walked very close to me, our arms brushing together, and sometimes I would look up at him and I would see his bottom lip between his teeth, which was not a Peter-thing to do. 

One hundred and fifty-seven steps into our date (I had to have something to focus on so that I wouldn’t just combust), I took the chance and grabbed his hand. I felt him stiffen for half a second, before he gripped my hand tighter. When I looked up at him again, he wore the same idiotic grin I wore, and his chocolate-y eyes was fixed on me. 

He suddenly stopped, and his eyes widened.

“Oh, wait, we were supposed to turn right there.”

He pointed to a back alley, and I looked up at him with questions in my eyes. What kind of date was this supposed to be?

When he saw the look on my face, he grinned again. “I’m going to show you something cool.”

I scrunched my eyes and nodded my head to the side, but followed him without a word. He was Spider-Man, he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me in a sketchy back alley, right?

With the light slightly fading, and the smell of a thousand dumpsters and the sticky pavement filled with broken glass, this definitely was not one of the most romantic places I had been taken, but I still had hope. That hope, however, started to fade when he started to look around behind the big dumpster. 

“Uhm, Peter, what are you doing?”

He ignored me, and soon he pulled out a backpack. “Okay, I think you’re going to like this, but I’m going to need you to hold on really, really tight.” Cue the panic. 

“Uh, what? Hold on ti- Peter, what are we doing again?”

He rolled up the arms of his blazer to reveal something on his wrists. When he stepped closer to me, I felt my heart speed up, but I was 99% sure it wasn’t because of his proximity this time.

“I’m going to show you what it’s like being Spider-Man.”

I was confused for half a second before I realised what he meant. What did Spider-Man do? He swung around town, helping people in need. And since it didn’t seem like we were going to help people now, we were probably going to swing around town. 

“Peter?” I questioned as he stepped even closer to me. 

He seemed to notice the way I had tensed up, how my breathing had picked up and the way I nervously picked at the hem of my skirt, and stopped and put his hands down to his sides. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…” 

I noticed the panicked glance in his eyes. He hadn’t prepared for this at all. I gave him a nervous smile. 

“No, I want to… I just don’t want to plummet to my death on my first date.” He stepped even closer, we were only a couple of inches away from each other. “I won’t let you go, you won’t die today. Not on my watch.”

This was the first time the whole date where he didn’t show any signs of insecurity. His voice was calm and his arms laid calm by his sides and his breathing was steady. I nodded, because how could I not believe him when he looked at me with the confidence I didn’t even know he had. 

“Okay. How am I doing this?”

He smiled again, and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around me. For half a second I was not able to breathe as his scent engulfed me, and all I could see was him and all I could feel was him and all I could hear was him.

“Hold on tight, don’t let go and enjoy the ride.”

I wrapped my arms around his, and suddenly I was swept off my feet, figuratively and literally. I wrapped my legs around his torso as soon as we were off the ground, and suddenly I felt like a koala. I didn’t mind it though, and it didn’t seem like Peter minded either, as he just wrapped his one arm around me tighter. Even though all that kept me from falling off Peter and plummet down to the hard ground was my limbs tangled around him and his one arm, I felt completely safe. It seemed like he was stronger than I had realised, because he held me up while swinging around without seemingly a strain. I even heard a little laugh one time, which made me smile into his shoulder.

I didn’t dare to lift my face off his shoulder, because I knew as soon as I did and saw how high up we were, I would freak out. 

After what felt like an eternity (a delightful eternity at that), we landed. “Okay, we’re here, you can get off now,” Peter laughed, helping me loosen my limbs and jump down. 

We were on a rooftop, and I raised a questioning eyebrow at the boy in front of me. He didn’t answer, just nodded towards me. I turned around, and saw some blankets and a basket set up. My stomach did somersaults as I thought about how he did this for me. 

“This is a place I go sometimes. When, you know, life becomes a lot. When I need to escape a little bit.”

I turned to Peter. He was a lot closer than I thought, so I almost crashed into his chest. His hands went to my waist, and I felt the heat from his touch travel to my chest and my cheeks and stomach. It fuelled everything in me, changed my sight so that I only saw him.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.”

God, I could get lost in those chocolate eyes. 

It was good that Peter was able to tear his eyes away from mine, because I was hopeless. As he led me to the blanket, I was still in a Peter-induced daze. I barely even noticed that he was holding my hand before he let go of it. “Here, I didn’t know what kind of soda you liked best, so I brought all of them,” I looked as he pulled out small bottles of black, yellow, clear, amber and red soda, then looking at you with his lips stretched in a thin line. Also something he did when he was nervous.

“Wha- Peter, oh my god that was not necessary!” I said, almost laughing at how cute his nerves were, but when I noticed the way his cheeks tinted red and his eyes looked away from mine to focus on the hem of blazer instead, I quickly added: “But I really, really appreciate that you did this for me. I really don’t understand how you could be this kind.”

The smile I received back was one that made my breath catch in my throat and my stomach do even more somersaults and my body fill up with electricity. If I was stood, I would probably fall because of how weak my knees and really all of my joints felt. 

“S-Should we eat?” I stuttered, still not able to breathe properly.

He was just so pretty, so kind, so amazingly him, and somehow I got him. I hadn’t even noticed how much energy I used thinking about him and keeping my feelings at bay not to ruin the friendship. Now that I could really let myself fall, I did so quickly, and without any ability to get back up, but I didn’t regret, because this moment, with the sun starting to settle and Peter all for myself and those eyes, god those eyes, I could live a lifetime on this memory alone. We started to eat, the bread and then the hors d'oeuvres that Peter claimed he and May had made themselves (but I noticed the plastic box they were in which Peter tried to hide that said the name of some bakery), and then the strawberries and chocolate and candy he had brought.

He was talking about some science-stuff, to be honest I’d fallen off about five minutes ago, but I tried to follow him. While also using this excuse to look at his face. If you just looked at it without thinking, you would say there was nothing special about it. Brown eyes, thin lips, free of any hair-growth etc. But when you looked closely, you would notice the thin, thin spread of barely there freckles over his nose and cheeks, and you would notice how his left brow was a bit more messy than the right one, and you would notice he got small wrinkles around his eyes when he smiled. 

I probably should have paid closer attention to what he was saying, or at least what he was doing, because when I came back from planet Peter, I noticed his face was closer to me than before. And also a bit more upset. 

“Y/N? Hello, are you there?” He waved a hand in front of my face.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I got distracted…”

He smirked, a smile that I’d barely ever seen before. A confident smile, one that looked really, really good on him. “By my face?”

I blushed, looking down from his eyes because I couldn’t stand that half-curious, half-knowing glance he gave me, but then I couldn’t look down too much either because he was right there. How could I not look at him when I had the chance?

When I looked up, he was even closer, and his cheeks were flushed and his breathing came out a bit faster and his eyes were wide. All I could feel was butterflies. All I could think was Peter. 

He closed in, my eyes fluttered close, I put my hands on his knees and leaned a little bit forwards. 

“So I think maybe it is the - Hey, kiddos, I don’t know how you got up here, but you’re not allowed to be here so get down!”

Some guys wearing jumpsuits and nametags with a big paper in their hands shouted at us, breaking us apart. 

“Y-Yes, sirs, we’re gonna go now!” Peter stuttered as he started to clean up all the food into the basket, me helping him get stuff.  

When everything was ready, not very long after, we ran to the door where the men had come out from - we couldn’t exactly escape the way we came there, unless Peter wanted to be outed as Spider-Man - and ran down the stairs, hand in hand.

We didn’t stop until we were both a heaving mess on the asphalt under us. We were both laughing, which made it even more difficult to get up and compose ourselves. Every time we tried to stop, we would make eye contact and the laughter would continue. It was about five minutes later, with a hurting stomach and cheeks in pain that we finally were able to stop… with great struggle. “Okay, that did not go as planned!” I exclaimed as we gathered up the stuff and started to walk away from the spot we’d stood laughing like maniacs for the last minutes. 

“What, I totally planned for that to happen!” Peter exclaimed beside me, releasing a small giggle from me.

“Sure you did, everything that happened now was meant to happen.” I laughed.  

Peter grabbed my hand, and the way he did it so casually of it made my heart flutter again. This was a thing we could do now, just, hold hands without it being a big deal. At least not for everyone around us, for me it was a huge deal. 

“So, where to now?” I asked, letting our intertwined hands swing between us.

“I don’t know, where do you want to go?” 

“I know a really cool spot in that park by you, we can go there?” 

He grinned and nodded, a small, brown curl falling down in his face. I stopped and pushed it back, and as soon as my fingertips touched his skin, it tinted red. It was nice to see it was not only him doing this to me, I could make him react in the same way to me as he I did to him. 

I let my fingers stay in his hair, looking up into his curious brown eyes, wondering what my next move would be. 

Maybe we would kiss then, maybe it would have been magical, but we never even got to the “almost-kissing” stage before someone bumped into us and ruined the little moment we had. 

We weren’t very far from Peter’s apartment, so after about five minutes of walking in awkward silence, we were there. I grabbed his hand this time, leading him away from the normal path through the park and to the little cluster of trees there. 

Even though I hadn’t lived near that park since I was nine, I still knew my way around like the back of my own hand. I also knew about the little clearing right behind the cluster, where you would be hidden from the road the rest of the park by trees and bushes. 

“Wh-where are we going?” Peter asked confused as I navigated the way through the trees, trying not to let any of the branches scratch up my skin or the clothes I’d borrowed. 

“To the little clearing behind here. I used to play here when I was a little kid.”

I finally stepped out into the greyish light of the sky, and stopped dead in my tracks. Peter came right behind me and almost bumped into me. 

Maybe I should have realised that some place that would be hidden from the outside world would be found by drug-users, but even when I looked at all the needles and plastic baggies and beer bottles strewn around, I had a hard time believing it. The image just did not match the one from my childhood. 

“Oh, I, I guess I haven’t been here in a while…” I muttered, looking over to Peter’s face to see how he was reacting to it. 

His face showed a little bit of disgust, but as soon as he saw my disappointed look, it turned into one of sympathy. “Let’s get out of here. I think I know of a place we could go.”

As we made our way through the trees again, I couldn’t help but notice how he was closer to me than before. Almost pressed up to my back, and I could feel his eyes on me almost the entire way. When we got out again, our cheeks a little bit scratched and our hair full of leaves and branches, I didn’t let myself think about what other’s thought, or what Peter thought. 

He grabbed my hand again, I briefly wondered if I would ever not notice that he did that, and he held it harder and was closer to me than ever before. 

“It looks like it’s going to rain,” I muttered, just so we could have something to talk about. So that I could distract myself by how badly this date was going.

“Yeah, we should go back to my apartment,” I didn’t look at him as he answered, but I could feel him squeeze my hands and pull me along a little faster. 

“I think I deserve a medal,” Peter suddenly said, halfway to his place.

I looked at him with confusion, not knowing what the hell he was talking about. “I managed to plan the worst date in the history of bad dates.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the way he said it, with his chest puffed a little out and unwavering confidence in his light voice. 

“Yeah, I’ll call the people I know in Guinness World Records right away!” I played along. 

Just then, I felt the first cold drop of water on my cheek. My natural reaction was to quit the playing and hurry up to get out of the rain as fast as possible, but Peter stopped, and since I was holding his hands and he was about one hundred times stronger than I was, I stopped too. 

“Wha-Peter, what are you doing,”

I felt more and more rain, in a few seconds it would be pouring, and he was still standing there.

“Everything that could go wrong went wrong on this date. I’m just embracing it,” he shrugged, then he tugged me closer to him, still a grin on his face.

“You know I joked, right?” I asked when he placed his hands on my waist a bit awkwardly, looking into my eyes.

 “It wasn’t that bad, I’m just stumped that someone decided to use such a great place as a place to do drugs.” I had to almost scream over the sound of the traffic and the rain drumming down. 

I was soaked to the bone when Peter lifted on hand to cup my cheek, letting his thumb trace my jaw, cheek and eventually lips. 

As he started to lean forwards, the noise of everything else drowned out, and it was only him, me and the butterflies in my whole body. I stood on my tiptoes, and clutched the wet fabric of Peter’s shirt and closed my eyes. As soon as I could feel his breath on my lips, my heart jumped out of my chest and my eyes closed. A few seconds later his lips touched mine. A second after that he pressed them a bit harder against me, and by then I was gone into some fairytail land where only him and me existed. 

Kissing him came as naturally to me as breathing. I really couldn’t believe I had once thought I didn’t how to do this. I couldn’t believe I once had thought I could live without this. I let one hand go up to his hair, let it tangle in his wet curls, at the exact same time that he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer. I let a sigh slip from my mouth. 

To be honest, by the time we had to part for air, I had completely forgotten that we were on a street. The good part was that there were barely anyone there to see us since it was raining. The bad part was that it was raining and I was soaked to the bone and I could already feel a cold coming on. 

Even though Peter was ridiculously warm, it still wasn’t enough to fight the cold seeping into my skin, making it bump up and forcing my lips to quiver.

“Okay, we should probably get inside.” Peter whispered into my ear.

I nodded and grinned up at him, because even being as cold as I had never been before was not enough to not enjoy my time with Peter.

A couple of times on the way back to his apartment he stopped me and pecked my lips. Every time I felt like I was walking on clouds, and judging from the little jumps in his steps, he did too. As we walked hand in hand, I started to wonder if this even was real. Was it possible that one person could make you feel like this? Was I just the luckiest girl in the world who got to experience this?

The rain started to pick up, so the last few minutes we were full on running, not even looking at each other. I wondered what I would do when I got to him. What would aunt May say when she saw us dripping wet, as if we hadn’t even tried to get out of the rain. Well, we hadn’t, but she wouldn’t know that.

Finally finding shelter, Peter opened the doors to his apartment complex and pulled me in, conveniently making me crash into his chest. 

“Hi there,” he whispered, his fingers pushing a stray bundle of hair behind my ear and looking into my eyes. 

I grinned, not breaking eye contact. I was already starting to stand on my toes when I whispered “hi” back, and a few seconds later we were kissing again. It didn’t last for very long this time though, almost just a peck on the lips, before we pulled apart, knowing anyone could walk in any minute. 

“So, you want to come with me up to tell May how fantastic this date went?” Peter asked, his voice a little bit scratchy. Maybe he was catching a cold too.

I laughed and untangled myself from him, taking his hand instead. “Of course.”

As we walked up the stairs, I thought about all those worries I’d had before this date. Now, with his hand in mine, it seemed impossible to think that we would ever stop being friends just because we stopped dating. We loved each other too much for that, we would quite literally go to the end of the world (or Queens) and back for each other. We would always be friends, but right now we had the added bonus of getting to do more intimate stuff with each other. 

He looked back at me, gave me a smile. I smiled back, my lips probably blue from the cold and my once comfortable dress now not so comfortably sticking to my body. It was fine though, because I was with Peter, he didn’t care that I looked like a drowned cat, or that I was about to meet his aunt with scratches all up my arms and messy hair and flushing cheeks from knowing what might happen as soon as we’re alone. We were together, we loved each other, and when all came to all, that was all that mattered.

[leisurelypanda]

2/2 And Buck bounces just a couple of times before he’s cumming on a whine and all over his stomach completely untouched. Everyone’s just stopped talking to stare. Someone grabs their sub/bottom and runs out before anyone else can say anything.

Something along the lines of the Avengers are all kinky fucks. Sex all the time, all over the place. During a debrief, Steve’s got Bucky warming his cock… not letting him move… (½)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888361

Pure Lust

After the Coffee Table fuck fest, as Bucky liked to think of it, everything seemed both different and the same. For one thing, Bucky and Steve started spending more time outside of Steve’s apartment and on the communal floors. They all knew who he was. Hell, all the men had fucked him. Bucky was a little nervous that they would all be leering at him or flirting with him, but that didn’t happen.

In fact, everyone was surprisingly chill with the fact that they were all in an open sexual relationship. This meant two things: first, there was lots of sex. It was almost as though Steve’s exhaustive sex drive (that Bucky loved) was common with the rest of the team as well.

The first time Bucky went down to the common room on his own, he found Pietro and Peter giving each other blowjobs… on the ceiling. He actually watched for a while, fascinated with how Peter’s webs kept them secured. He’d been caught by Sam, who slapped his butt and winked at him as he kept walking, like this was a normal thing that people did. Apparently it was par for the course at the Avengers Tower.

It ignited a kind of frenemies relationship with Sam, though. Sam would tease him mercilessly/a bit flirtatiously. Bucky would get all hot and bothered and glare at him and Sam would laugh. Steve seemed amused by it, the asshole. So did Clint and Natasha. Assholes.

The second thing that everyone being in an open sexual relationship meant was that everyone was pretty affectionate with each other. Even if most of them were platonic, they had fucked platonically and they were sort of free with their affections. The only person for whom this wasn’t the case was Nick Fury, who was the most guarded and terrifying person Bucky had ever met and also not technically a member of the team.

Peter in particular tended to like kissing people. The first time it happened was when he and Steve were joining the others for movie night and Peter had kissed them both right as they got there. Not just a light kiss, either. It was a kiss. Bucky had looked at Steve who smiled sheepishly because he forgot. At least Peter was a good kisser.

After that, though, the world started getting busy, especially for the Avengers. Bucky was neck deep in projects, too. He had gotten to stay at Stark Industries (thank fucking God), but now it seemed like all he did was work. The pay raise was nice, but still. There was an endless stream of projects and equations and designs and such that had to get done, sent for approval, adjusted, resent, readjusted, etc. At the end of the day, Bucky was glad that he’d moved in to Steve’s apartment officially, since his commute was practically nonexistent (not that he told his coworkers).

Steve would come home from missions smelling like sweat and grime and gunpowder. He would groan and sigh with exhaustion as he cleaned himself off. He never went to sleep on Bucky, though. He would stay up, no matter how tired he was and ask about Bucky’s day. Then he’d take care of him, whether that meant sex or cuddling or just spending time together.

It was nice. It wasn’t the easiest relationship in the world, but Bucky knew that going in. If Steve had to be in the field, he made sure to have a video call with Bucky, if possible. Even when it wasn’t, Steve had rules for him and he at least sent a text to make sure that Bucky was following them.

The rules were fairly simple. Bucky had to shower, brush his teeth, keep the apartment clean, and do all the other things that ensured that he was taking care of himself both physically and mentally. He had to keep a log of what he ate, how much he exercised, and what he did for fun. Steve didn’t check it, generally, not unless Bucky was in a rough patch and he was actually concerned. He had to practice kneeling on the floor for extended periods of time. He had to flog himself daily.

He also wasn’t allowed to touch himself. That was the one rule that stayed in place when Steve was around. Truth be told, Bucky had broken that one and lied about it a couple times. In his defense, Steve had been gone for almost a week and a half at that point and Bucky, who had always had a pretty active sex drive, even before he lost his virginity to Steve.

Now was one of those times. Bucky was kneeling on the floor in the bedroom, like he was supposed to. Steve had been gone for more than a week and a half, almost two weeks, now. There was some super powered guy bent on world domination or something and the Avengers were trying to track him down. Bucky had held out until now, when his near constant boner and need for release finally drove him over the edge.

He wrapped his hand around his cock and moaned as he began to jerk it. The delicious friction over the head of his cock was everything he needed, his body alighting with pleasure and relief at being touched again. He wasn’t going to last long. He didn’t want to, either. He needed to come and his entire mind was fixed on that one goal as he quickly and efficiently jerked his cock with one hand and toyed with his balls with the other.

“Oh, fuck,” he moaned. “Oh, shit.”

He twisted his hand over the head of his cock. He closed his eyes from the sheer bliss, the pleasure that he’d missed for weeks. His strokes grew faster as he chased his climax desperately, needing the release, craving it. He gasped and his grip tightened over his member as he came, his come shooting out onto the floor. It was one of the longest, most intense orgasms he could remember. He sighed as he slumped when it finished.

Then someone cleared their throat.

Bucky’s eyes flew open and shot to the door which he… had not closed. Steve stood there, his bearded face furrowed in a frown. His arms were crossed and his stance was wide.

“H-Hey, Daddy,” Bucky said. “Welcome back?”

Steve just stood there staring down at him. Bucky blushed in shame, not even the good kind. His dick was soft now and he looked down at the floor. He hadn’t even heard Steve return and now… he’d been caught.

“Aren’t you going to clean up your mess off my floor?” Steve asked. His voice was hard and dripping with disapproval. Bucky moved to get up, but before he could, Steve was there pushing him back down. “I didn’t tell you to get up.”

“Daddy?” Bucky asked.

“Clean up. Your mess.”

Bucky scooted away and bent down and began to lick his come off the floor. Steve gave no indication of his approval or disapproval. Bucky just blushed more as he licked up the last of his come off the floor and pushed himself up into a kneeling position again. Steve didn’t say anything as he took Bucky’s hair in a hand and started marching towards the bathroom. Bucky hissed in pain as he struggled to keep up.

“At least you’re naked already,” Steve muttered. He practically hauled Bucky to his feet and put him in the shower. “That’ll make this easier.”

He turned the shower on and the icy water hit Bucky’s skin. Bucky yelped as he jumped back. He looked through the glass to see Steve glaring at him.

“Clean yourself up,” he said. Bucky nodded and stepped back into the shower. He cleaned himself quickly and efficiently. It wasn’t his usual routine, especially not with his hair, but he figured it would be better to obey Steve since he was apparently in a mood. Not that finding Bucky being disobedient as soon as he got back probably helped with that.

When he was finished, Steve just left him there for a while longer. Bucky was shivering by the time Steve opened the shower and turned the water off. He tossed a towel at Bucky.

“When you’re done, go sit on the bed,” Steve said. “I’ll be getting your punishment ready.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky said quietly.

He looked down at the floor in shame. He wanted to just crawl into a dark corner and hide. It would be better than Steve’s cold disappointment. He dried himself off, though, and sat on the bed.

Steve was rummaging in the closet for something. He emerged shortly after, holding a cane in one hand and… something metal connected to thin leather straps in the other. He marched over to Bucky and set the items aside before he picked Bucky up and made him stand. He took the metal item and looped the straps around Bucky’s hips before the metal part was fitted on Bucky’s cock. It fit around Bucky’s member perfectly, the cold metal caging him in.

“I had more fun plans for this,” Steve muttered. “Didn’t want to put a cage around your cock like this. I wanted to have you begging and desperate, not naughty and needing punishment.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Bucky said. Steve just grunted and stood up straight. He pointed to the floor at his feet. Bucky slunk off the bed and knelt at Steve’s feet. Steve walked around him and pushed his front to the floor.

“Let’s see if you can be obedient now,” Steve said. “Don’t move from that spot while you take your punishment. If I have to get out a bench for you, it’ll make the punishment worse.”

His voice was hard and Bucky hung his head. He could’ve waited, he could’ve held out a bit longer and welcomed Steve back with fun, hot, celebratory sex. Instead… Steve was upset with him, disappointed.

It was worse than anything else he’d experienced so far.

The first strike from the cane laid into him with sharp, white hot pain. Bucky cried out, his voice high and surprised. Steve was methodical in his strikes, each one landing squarely on the meat of Bucky’s ass or his thighs. He was also merciless. Bucky had no idea just how much he was holding back before, but this, punishment, it was actual fucking hell.

The first tear fell around the third strike as Bucky released a loud whimper. By the seventh strike, tears were flowing freely down his face. By the tenth, he was sobbing brokenly. Steve didn’t let up until the 15th strike and by then, Bucky’s entire body was trembling. He jerked away from Steve as the man knelt beside him and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s body. Bucky sobbed into Steve’s chest as Steve ran his hands along Bucky’s spine.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby, you’re done,” Steve murmured. He rocked Bucky back and forth. “You took your punishment so well, baby boy. You’re done, now.”

“I-I’m sorry, D-Daddy,” Bucky cried. “I’m s-sorry f-for being b-bad.”

“I know you are, baby boy,” Steve murmured. He kissed Bucky’s temple gently. “I know you are. It’s okay now, I forgive you.”

Bucky kept sobbing as Steve murmured soft praise against his skin. Slowly, he began to calm down as Steve held him. When he was settled at last, Steve picked him up and sat him on the bed gently. Bucky hissed at the pain. The cane was a nasty piece of work that was for sure.

“We need to talk about this,” Steve said gently. Bucky groaned. “I know you don’t want to, but we need to.”

“Okay,” Bucky sighed.

“Have you ever done this before?” Steve asked. Bucky didn’t meet Steve eyes as he nodded. “When?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “When you spent those couple weeks taking out that Hydra cell in Alaska, when you went after that Sokovian agent who was trying to split the team up, when you helped the Fantastic Four with that Dr. Doom thing a couple months ago…”

Steve was quiet for a while. “So, basically any time I’ve been gone for a couple weeks,” he said. Bucky nodded.

“I can get through a week pretty fine,” he said. “Once it’s been a week and a half, though, I start to struggle. By the time it’s been two weeks, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Baby, why didn’t you say something?” Steve asked. Bucky still didn’t look at him.

“I thought you’d be upset if I admitted I was struggling,” Bucky replied softly. “I wanted you to be happy with me.”

“Did I do something to make you think that I wasn’t?” Steve asked. His voice sounded a little hurt by that.

“No!” Bucky said quickly. “I just… you were out saving the world or something and I didn’t want you to worry about me because… if something happened to you because you were distracted, I…”

Steve pulled Bucky into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Bucky tucked himself under Steve’s chin as he curled up in his lap.

“This isn’t just about needing to get off, is it?” Steve asked.

“No,” Bucky replied.

“What’s going on, Buck?”

Bucky sighed. “My new boss is a dick,” he said. “He’s a micromanaging piece of shit. He’s been breathing down my neck about everything that has to get done and he makes every little thing that doesn’t go right the first time into this huge issue that would take maybe an hour to fix.”

“That sucks,” Steve said. “I’m sorry you gotta deal with that.”

“I thought… maybe if I just kept doing it, doing the job, doing better, he’d get off my back,” Bucky said. “But he hasn’t. I’m so stressed all the time, because he constantly reminds me that he can fire me if I don’t do the work right.”

“Jesus, what’s with this guy?” Steve asked.

“I dunno,” Bucky said. “I think he’s one of those old baby boomers who thinks my generation hasn’t had to work for anything ever in our lives. I think maybe he knows I’m gay, too, since I got a picture of you incognito in my cubicle.”

“Asshole,” Steve muttered.

“Yeah, I kinda don’t wanna talk about him, though, so can we stop?” Bucky asked.

“Sure, baby,” Steve said. “Next time you’re going through something like this and you’re stressed, please tell me. I promise I’ll want to know even if I’m dealing with something on the other end of the world.”

“Okay,” Bucky said. “I’m sorry.”

“The rules are there for your benefit, baby boy,” Steve said. “They’re not supposed to be easy, but I don’t wanna set you up for failure, either. I like seeing you succeed.”

Bucky smiled a little at that. He looked up into Steve’s face and saw such tender affection mingling with subtle sadness that it made Bucky’s heart break a bit. He pressed a gentle kiss to Steve’s lips and Steve returned it with a little moan.

“Daddy loves you, baby boy,” Steve murmured against his lips. “Daddy loves you so much.”

Bucky melted inside at the words. “I love you too, Daddy.”

A couple months later, Steve was called away on another mission. It lasted a while and while Bucky wasn’t forced to wear the cage that Steve had offered before he left, he was expected to tell Steve if he needed to come. They could talk about it before Bucky actually got to touch himself.

It was, as far as rules went, pretty good. It was way better than sneaking around breaking the rules. Steve could whisper instructions into his ear, make him feel like Steve was the one in charge when he was thousands of miles away.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than Steve being upset with him. It still sucked having to be away from Steve for that long, but it was less unbearable than before. Not to say that Bucky liked it when Steve left, but it wasn’t quite as difficult anymore.

Steve returned after a mission one Saturday afternoon. Bucky was in their living room watching some space documentary that he only half paid attention to. It was more to fill the silence than anything else. As soon as the elevator dinged, though, he rose from his stupor and smiled as Steve entered the room. He didn’t even look like he’d broken a sweat today as he smiled at Bucky.

Bucky got up and went over to kiss him. Steve spun him around a bit and Bucky laughed into his mouth.

“How’d it go?” he asked.

“Better than expected,” Steve replied. “Not sure that they really needed me, but better safe than sorry.”

“You should make it up to me, Daddy,” Bucky said with a cheeky grin. “Been a good boy and everything.”

Steve hummed as his hands traveled down to rest at the curve of Bucky’s ass. His eyes glinted with hunger and lust, but he didn’t move.

“Unfortunately, I have a team meeting,” Steve said. Bucky pouted at him.

“Do you have to?” he asked.

“Yes, baby, I do,” Steve replied. “But… maybe you could come with me.”

“Am I allowed to sit in on Avengers meetings?” Bucky asked.

“It’s not really anything important,” Steve said. “It’s more logistics and updates on what’s going on in the world. Besides, it’s not like we’re a government organization.”

“What am I gonna do in an Avengers meeting, though?” Bucky asked. Steve grinned.

“You’re gonna sit in Daddy’s lap,” Steve said. “Gonna stay nice and quiet and still and keep Daddy’s cock warm.”

And just like that, all logical, intelligent thought flew out the window. Bucky was practically drooling at the thought of that. Steve grinned down at him as he trailed a thumb over Bucky’s bottom lip.

“You like that, don’t you little boy?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded and took the digit into his mouth. “You like having your slutty hole filled with Daddy’s cock.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. Steve reached down and grabbed Bucky’s ass roughly. Bucky gasped and arched against Steve’s body, already needy and desperate from a week of not coming. “Please let me come with you.”

“Such a good boy, asking so nicely,” Steve purred. He released Bucky and swatted him lightly on the ass. “Go on and get yourself ready. The meeting’s in 30 minutes.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky replied.

Half an hour later, Steve led Bucky into the meeting room. It was easily one of the nicest professional rooms Bucky had ever seen in his life. Steve went ahead and sat at one end of the table. They weren’t the first ones there. Sam, Clint, and Natasha all sat together near them, with Sam sitting next to them. As soon as he saw Bucky, Sam winked and Bucky actually blushed.

Steve sat down in the chair and unzipped his pants. Bucky glanced between him and the other three people in the room. Sam grinned like the little shit he was, Clint wasn’t really paying attention (Bucky was still pretty sure he knew what was going on, though), and Natasha looked long enough to see what was going on before she leaned back in her chair. Steve patted his lap.

“Come here, baby boy,” Steve said. “Come sit in my lap.”

“Really, Rogers?” Sam asked.

“Shut it, Wilson. Don’t tease my boy,” Steve said sternly. Sam chuckled and turned away. Natasha looked at him and he bowed his head.

“Sorry, Mama,” he said. Natasha hummed. Bucky turned back to Steve and pulled the back of his pants down over his ass. He turned around and Steve guided him down onto his cock. Bucky moaned as he sank down on that long, thick shaft. When he finally reached the root of Steve’s cock, he sighed and leaned back against Steve’s chest.

“There you go,” Steve murmured. “Good boy. That’s Daddy’s good boy.”

Bucky hummed happily. He watched as various members slowly trickled in. Pietro and Peter sat together. Whether or not they were officially a thing, Bucky didn’t know, but they seemed to spend a lot of time together. Thor came to sit across from Sam. If he noticed what Steve and Bucky were doing, he said nothing. Tony entered in loud and grandiose fashion, as usual. Pepper was there, as well and sat between Tony and Bruce. The last people to show up were Wanda and Vision, who phased through a wall rather than walk through the door.

The meeting was mostly boring. Bucky didn’t really pay that close attention. He was too distracted by the hot, throbbing length seated inside him. Steve stayed perfectly still, aside from occasionally speaking up to add something to the conversation. Steve’s hands would occasionally pet him, but aside from that, he didn’t move.

It was simultaneously satisfying and infuriating. As much as Bucky enjoyed being with Steve, he also wanted to get fucked. He wanted to feel Steve moving inside him rather than just filling him up. He wanted to bounce on Steve’s cock or feel him fucking up into Bucky or be pinned to the table and fucked without mercy.

It felt like forever since the meeting started. It was probably only half an hour, though. The Avengers were apparently pretty thorough in their meetings. Bucky groaned softly and Steve shushed in the same manner.

“Be patient,” Steve murmured into Bucky’s ear. “Not much longer, baby.”

Bucky hummed and placed his head on Steve’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He listened to Steve’s heartbeat and the way his voice rumbled in his chest when he spoke. It was a nice feeling.

It didn’t last very long though. Bucky’s dick was hard and he was needy and having Steve’s cock in his ass only made him more desperate. He shifted a bit on Steve’s lap, clenching down on Steve’s length. Steve didn’t reply, just kept his attention focused on whoever was talking at the moment. When Bucky shifted again, Steve pinched him.

“Stop it,” Steve murmured. Bucky grunted in reply. “Don’t make me spank you in front of everyone.”

That thought was not really an effective deterrent. Bucky moaned and thrust his hips up, fucking himself lightly on Steve’s dick. Steve pinched him again, but Bucky ignored him as he bounced on Steve’s cock again. It felt like heaven. Steve’s cock brushed against his prostate like it hadn’t in far too long and Bucky moaned again as he came in his sweatpants.

He gasped as he stopped and realized that the entire room was quiet. All eyes were on him and he blushed as he curled back against Steve’s body. Steve was staring down at him, amusement and sternness fighting in his eyes. Bucky didn’t dare look at Sam or Thor, who were closest to him.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Peter said.

“Naughty boy,” Steve said, amusement winning out in the end. “Coming on Daddy’s cock like a little slut during our important meeting without permission.”

“Sorry, Daddy,” Bucky said. Then he grinned. “Gonna spank me now? Like you promised?”

Steve huffed and there was more than a couple moans in the room. Wanda and Vision made a quiet exit while the rest of the room zoomed in on what Steve and Bucky were doing. Whatever it was people were talking about was forgotten.

“Pretty sure we were done anyway,” Pepper said, leaning forward. “This is much more interesting.”

“Safe words?” Steve asked.

“Red to stop, yellow for a break,” Bucky replied.

“Color?”

“Green,” Bucky said.

“You asked for it, little boy,” Steve growled. Bucky gulped as Steve picked him up and slid his cock out before he bent him over the table. All eyes were on him, even Pepper, who Bucky hadn’t really had the chance to meet yet. Apparently it didn’t matter. They were more than willing to watch.

Steve pulled Bucky’s pants down and tossed them aside before doing the same to his shirt. Despite the fact that most of the people in this room had fucked him, Bucky still felt exposed. It was Steve’s turn, now.

The first smack landed with a loud crack on his left ass cheek and Bucky gasped in pain. Several people moaned as they watched. Steve smacked him again and Bucky cried out and rutted against the table. Steve pinched his ass hard.

“Quit squirming,” Steve growled. “Take your spanking like a good boy.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. With that, Steve smacked Bucky’s ass again, this time more roughly than before and Bucky had to fight to keep from jerking against the table. He bit his lip as Steve spanked him again, switching to the other cheek.

By the tenth strike, Bucky was hard again, his cock dangling between his stretched legs and probably dripping pre-come onto the floor. Steve paid it no mind as he smacked Bucky’s ass again. By now, several people were clearly enjoying the show. Pepper leaned back against her chair and Tony had disappeared under the table. Pietro looked like he had a hand down Peter’s pants. Sam watched with lust in his eyes and Bruce was in Thor’s lap.

Bucky whimpered as Steve’s palm met his ass again. He was unrelenting. Whatever pauses existed were steady and measured and designed to deny Bucky any ability to get comfortable with the rhythm. The 20th spank was particularly hard and Bucky cried out in pain as he jerked away. Steve just reached down and grabbed a fistful of Bucky’s hair and pulled his head back.

“You learned your lesson yet, boy?” Steve said, his voice low and gravelly.

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky said automatically.

“And what was the lesson?” Steve asked. Bucky froze. His brain was fuzzy and his mind was filled with lust and the mixture of pain and pleasure. His thoughts were sluggish, but he wracked his brain, anyway. “Well?”

“To—To…” Bucky trailed off. He didn’t know, he didn’t know. Steve tutted and his hand fell to Bucky’s balls.

“Maybe a couple slaps to these pretty little balls of yours will jog your memory,” Steve said.

“Daddy, no, don’t!” Bucky cried. Steve slapped his balls. It was far lighter than how he’d handled his ass, but Bucky still cried out loudly in pain. His legs tried to close, but Steve kept them open. Tears flowed down Bucky’s face as Steve slapped them again, and then a third time. Bucky cried out in pain as Steve’s hand returned to his hair and pulled it back.

“Remember now?” Steve asked. Bucky took a couple deep breaths before he shook his head. Steve tutted again. “I guess I can give you a hint. We talked about it the last time you were punished.”

With that, Steve let go of Bucky’s hair and returned to spanking Bucky’s ass. He gave five strikes more strikes to his ass before he pulled Bucky’s head back by the hair again. Bucky was practically floating by now, reveling in the pure power of Steve’s overwhelming strength and his helplessness to fight it.

“Last chance, little boy,” Steve warned. “You get it wrong and you’re sleepin’ on the couch.”

“I gotta… I gotta…” Bucky said.

“Yes?” Steve asked.

“I gotta ask… for what I need, Daddy,” Bucky croaked. Steve smiled and let go of his hair.

“Good boy,” Steve murmured as he leaned down to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “That’s a good boy. Daddy’s proud of you.”

“Daddy,” Bucky whined.

“Hush, now. Tell Daddy what you need,” Steve purred.

“Need you to fuck me Daddy!” Bucky cried.

“Damn, man, you got him whipped,” Sam chuckled. Bucky glared at him. Natasha reached over and grabbed Sam’s ear and pulled him back.

“What’d the captain say about teasing his boy?” she asked sharply.

“Not to, Mama!” Sam said.

“That’s right,” she said as she let him go. “So don’t you have something to say to Bucky, now?”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said. “It just slipped out.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky replied. Steve leaned over him and kissed him again.

“Don’t worry, baby boy,” he said. “You been so good, Daddy’s gonna take care of you, now.”

Bucky moaned as Steve pressed his cock back against Bucky’s ass and pushed inside in one smooth thrust. His hands fell to Bucky’s hips and gripped the still smarting cheeks. Bucky hissed and tightened around Steve’s cock as Steve began to rock slowly into him.

Pietro had Peter on his back on the table and was sucking his cock like a champ. Bucky and Peter met each other’s eyes and smiled. Further down, Tony was back in his chair, naked, with his face wet and glistening as Pepper sank down on his cock. Thor tore Bruce’s clothes off, who seemed resigned to it, if also very aroused, and ran his hands possessively over Bruce’s body.

The room quickly dissolved into a pile of crazed sex. The only thing Bucky really paid attention to was Steve. Steve thrust roughly into him, claiming him with every thrust, every drag of his cock over Bucky’s prostate. Bucky wrapped his legs around Steve’s and arched his back as Steve thrust into him. Steve bent down and began to kiss and suck a mark onto Bucky’s smooth, unmarred skin. Bucky sighed and moaned in contentment as the pain and pleasure filled every corner of his brain. He let go and surrendered to the floaty feeling that filled his mind.

“That’s it, baby boy,” Steve purred into his ear.

“Daddy,” Bucky breathed.

“I’ve got you, baby, Daddy’s here. Daddy’s got you,” Steve murmured as he pressed another kiss just beneath Bucky’s ear. His thrusts grew harder and longer and Bucky mewled at the feeling.

“Harder, Daddy, please,” Bucky breathed. Steve slammed his cock into Bucky’s ass and Bucky moaned loudly.

“Hard enough for you, little boy?” Steve asked. Bucky moaned as he nodded. “Daddy’s gonna wreck you, sweetheart. Not gonna walk for a week, at least.”

“Please,” Bucky moaned. “Want it, want you, Daddy.”

Steve groaned and assumed a brutal pace as he slammed his cock into Bucky’s ass over and over again. Bucky tightened around Steve’s cock as he did so, his eyes shut to what was going on around him. All around the room people were fucking each other, Doms using their subs, and subs obeying. Bucky didn’t pay attention to any of it. Every bit of his focus was on Steve.

“Such a good boy for Daddy,” Steve moaned. “Such a good, slutty little boy, just begging for Daddy to fill him up.”

Bucky moaned against the table. He tightened the muscles in his abdomen to keep from coming a second time without permission. He clenched around Steve’s cock like a vice and relished the feeling of being so full. Steve slammed into him and rocked his hips against Bucky’s ass.

“You gonna come again, little boy?” Steve asked. “You gonna be naughty and come on Daddy’s cock before he’s done?”

“N-No, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “F-Feels so good, please don’t stop.”

“Good boy,” Steve said. He reached hand up to Bucky’s head and pushed him down. Bucky arched his back off the table and Steve hit his prostate with every slam of his hips. Steve leaned down and bit the shell of Bucky’s ear lightly. “Gonna make Daddy come, baby boy. Gonna fill you up.”

“Please, please, Daddy,” Bucky whispered. “Need it, need your come.”

“So sweet for me,” Steve growled. He pulled Bucky’s head up and sucked another mark onto his skin. “Gonna give it to ya, baby. Gonna fill your hungry little hole with Daddy’s come.”

Bucky whined and moaned. His mind grew more and more foggy and it became more and more difficult to concentrate. There was only Daddy, his hands on Bucky’s body, his mouth on Bucky’s neck, his cock fucking Bucky’s ass, his beard burning Bucky’s skin. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else was as good as this. Bucky moaned softly as Steve growled into his ear and warm come filled his ass. His body felt warm and fuzzy and loose and limp.

Bucky was slowly pulled up until he was sitting in Steve’s lap again. Steve’s hands wandered down his stomach fondly, petting him and touching him and keeping him safe and happy. Bucky laid his against Steve’s chest and smiled.

“You wanna come, baby boy?” Steve asked him. He sounded distant, but Bucky nodded absently. ��You want someone to suck your pretty cock?”

“Sounds nice, Daddy,” Bucky murmured.

“Tasha?” Steve asked. “Can I borrow Sam?”

“Sure,” she replied. Bucky looked down and saw Sam kneel between Bucky’s legs in front of his still hard cock. He was so pretty, with his beautiful dark skin and warm brown eyes and cheeky smile.

“You apologized for teasing my boy,” Steve said. “Why don’t you make it up to him by sucking his pretty cock?”

“Aye aye, Captain,” Sam said.

He leaned forward and licked up the shaft of Bucky’s cock. Bucky moaned and sighed as his body sparked with pleasure, like fireworks going off as Sam rolled his tongue over the head of Bucky’s cock. He reached up with a hand and began to roll Bucky’s balls between his fingers. Bucky arched against Steve’s body from the pleasure, Steve’s still hard cock dragging against his prostate as he did so.

“Daddy,” Bucky moaned.

“He’s good, isn’t he?” Steve murmured. “Good with his tongue and his hands.”

“Feels good, Daddy,” Bucky said.

His mind was still fuzzy and the constant stream of pleasure from Sam’s mouth on his dick wasn’t doing anything to bring him down. Steve’s hands rose to toy with his nipples and Bucky gasped as Sam wrapped his mouth around the head of Bucky’s cock at that same moment. He sank down on Bucky’s cock and swallowed him down to the root in one go before he pulled back up to the head and swirled his tongue around it. Bucky cried out in pleasure as Sam slowly, expertly, sucked his cock.

“Good boy,” Steve murmured in his ear. “Such a good boy. Go ahead and come whenever you’re ready baby boy.”

Bucky moaned again and thrust up into Sam’s hot mouth. Sam swallowed the length easily and looked up at him through his eyelashes and winked at him. Bucky just closed his eyes and felt the pleasure. Beneath him, Steve began to rock his hips again, thrusting up slowly and gently into Bucky’s body. It was too much, the pleasure was overwhelming, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to speak, just feel as his orgasm formed in the pit of his stomach.

“Daddy, Daddy, ‘m close,” Bucky moaned. “Gonna come, Daddy.”

“That’s it,” Steve purred into his ear. “That’s my beautiful boy. So good for Daddy.”

Bucky came with a whine and shot his load into Sam’s mouth. Sam moaned around the head of his cock as he milked every drop from Bucky’s member. Steve fucked him through his orgasm and Bucky was so overwhelmed by the pleasure of it that he completely lost himself in that blissful fog in his mind.

When he came to a moment later, his ass was empty and he was wrapped in a soft blanket. He was still in Steve’s lap and he hummed as he came back to awareness. Steve was murmuring soft praise and stroking his body lovingly. The rest of the team was still having sex, it seemed, but one corner of it was an island of softness and loving affection.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked.

“Good,” Bucky murmured. “God, that was… I had no idea how much I needed that.”

“I’m glad,” Steve replied. Bucky could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hey,” came another voice. Bucky looked up and saw Sam still kneeling on the floor looking up at him. “Are we good now? Didn’t mean to bother you, you know.”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Bucky said. “That was amazing. You gotta teach me how to do that.”

Sam grinned. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he said. He rose up and kissed him and Bucky found himself kissing back. He could taste his come on Sam’s tongue and it was almost enough to make his cock twitch with interest. Almost. “Bye, baby.”

With that, Sam returned to Natasha and Clint and Bucky nestled back into Steve’s chest.

“I think he likes you,” Steve said. Bucky just smiled against Steve’s body. “You wanna go back up to the apartment?”

Bucky shook his head. “I wanna go to the common room and watch somethin’,” he replied. “It’s closer.”

“What do you wanna watch?” Steve asked.

“There’s this steampunk sci-fi show called Warehouse 13,” Bucky said. “I wanna watch that.”

“Okay, Buck,” Steve said with a chuckle. “You want some fresh clothes?”

Bucky just shrugged. “Maybe just your shirt. Want some pho, too,” he said.

“You got it, sweetheart,” Steve said.

He grabbed Bucky’s shirt and with that, Steve scooped him up and carried him out of the room. Bucky only half paid attention to everything until the pho arrived and he sighed contentedly as he held a big, steaming bowl of Vietnamese soup in his lap.

“So what’s this show about?” Steve asked as he brought it up.

Bucky grinned. “You’re gonna love it.”

@stuckysheart

[moogsthewriter]

Thoughts on Avengers: End Game

Put below a cut for spoilers, but the spoiler-free tl;dr is that I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it because there’s things I liked, things I don’t like, and things I’m not sure if I should accept.

Let’s be blunt: Pulling off Endgame in a way that satisfies everyone, makes logical sense using reality-bending stones, and ties up 10+ years of movies was pretty much impossible. Obviously there’s a lot of debate, and I’m probably not adding anything new to the discourse, but I keep losing sleep and/or having weird dreams, so I clearly need to get it off my chest so to speak to try and ease my mind. So I’ll just touch on a few key topics:

The Timeline: This I know is getting a lot of hot debate, and it’s actually caused my husband and I to raise our voices at each other over it (which is honestly not surprising – the biggest conflict in our marriage thus far has been that he’s pro-Cap and I’m pro-Iron Man, lol). The most helpful explanation to me has been this reddit thread that essentially compares the timeline to an operating system and that essentially, by Cap returning the stones to their original times, it “rebooted” the main timeline from those points on (though the events still happened for the future characters because of the whole “the past becomes your future which can’t change your past” thing). This – in theory – helps explain why it doesn’t blow up the GOTG timeline to have past!Thanos + army come and be killed in 2023 or whatever year it was. I admit, I’m still a bit skeptical about this, primarily because of the Old Cap ending. The reset works for everyone except him in that case, and I know that Peggy Carter was a badass and could keep a lot of secrets, but I just don’t see it being possible for Steve to hide out and not impact the timeline… I also think it will be telling to see what happens in GOTG 3, because clearly Peter was searching for Gamora, and if this “system reboot” theory holds true, then she should not appear at all in that film, other than in recordings/flashbacks/etc. (unless they try and do something with the Soul Stone, which is a whole other kettle of fish). So I think the timeline can sort of work logically, but that leads into two other key points…

Steve’s Ending: Honestly, this was the worst note for me to end on and is the biggest source of contention between me and my husband on our perspectives of this film. We both agree that it’s totally in character for MCU!Steve to do something like this – husband thinks it’s good to let Steve have the happy ending he wants after everything, but I view it as yet another instance of Steve literally NEVER practicing what he preaches. To me, “getting a life” and having a happy ending that also shows ACTUAL character growth would be Steve finally accepting that he is in the future and it is time for him to move on AND THAT HE DOESN’T NEED ROMANCE TO BE HAPPY. But again… having such an ending would be antithetical to everything they’ve done with Cap since Winter Soldier, let’s be honest, so as much as I hated it (and think it throws the timeline thing into question, as mentioned above), I do think it fits the character.

Morgan Stark: As much as I loved seeing more of dad!Tony, there wasn’t much point to have Morgan as a character in the film unless it was setting it up for Tony to have to decide between the reality with his daughter and the reality with his spiderson everyone else, which is an excellent point that I know others have raised all over social media. HOWEVER, I also think that this isn’t so much a desire for a plot point for Tony as it is to be a... IDK, a consolation prize, I guess, for Pepper – yes, she loses Tony, but she gets their daughter, whereas if they reset the timeline like we all thought they would, she probably wouldn’t have gotten either (more on that in a sec). And THAT idea stems from the general problem of…

The female character story lines: It is very clear to me that the writers really had no idea what to do with the story arcs for the female characters in this film. For a character like Captain Marvel, it kind of makes sense, since apparently the script was finalized a few years ago (aka before the CM movie came out). But they’ve NEVER known what to do with Natasha’s arc, clearly, or with Pepper, either (at least not since the early Iron Man films, if even then), and so to me, the Morgan Stark thing ties more broadly into that. Basically, a bunch of dudes thinking through this problem with apparently little/no input from women (if the writing credits are accurate).

Natasha’s ending: Speaking of Natasha’s arc, this is the character death that is honestly bothering me the most out of the entire film. As much as I love Jeremy Renner and the Hawkeye of the comics, there has never been much compelling about his character (mostly because the writers have never done anything to make him to be compelling, let’s be real) – everything I (and I think a lot of the fandom) love about MCU!Clint is directly tied to his relationship to Natasha. I get that they were trying to not screw him over completely and do… something with him (very clearly not much, because he doesn’t really do much after Vormir????), but if he had been able to succeed in the sacrifice, that actually would’ve given both a point to his weird arc in this film AND would have set up even greater conflict/character development for Nat in a future film. Plus, it was hard to actually mourn Nat’s death because other than those REALLY SHORT scenes at the lake, it’s like it never happened or something. (I do wonder if there’s a bit more of that kind of content in the deleted scenes, but that would also speak to decisions of treatment of women in this film.)

Thor’s arc: There’s a LOT I could say about this, but I’ll keep it short-ish because this is already getting ridiculously long. Overall, I think it’s actually an interesting direction for Thor to go as a character (I can see where some think it’s backsliding from Ragnarok but I don’t necessarily think so… I can go more into that if people want), but it was really difficult to see his PTSD get treated so lightly. This is again where it makes sense for the characters involved – most of his screentime was with Rocket, who is probably the literal worst at dealing with past traumas in a positive way within the MCU, and other than Iron Man 3 and parts of Winter Soldier, no MCU film has really even touched the issue of PTSD well, especially in these later phases – so it makes sense on one level that it was the way it was, but… yeah, still. (Trauma is also why I really didn’t like Tony’s interaction with Howard, but I’m not even going to touch that because then we’ll be here forever.) But yeah, that’s another thing that will be interesting to see if they explore in GOTG 3.

Tony’s arc: This was obviously one of the hardest things for me to deal with, as a Tony fan, but I also was absolutely convinced he was going to die once Stephen traded the time stone to save Tony’s life in Infinity War, so to me it was a matter of figuring out how he was going to die. And honestly? I actually thought it was one of the better ways for Tony to go out. Why do I say that? Two things. One – the “I am Iron Man” line was perfect, even with – honestly, perhaps because of – its raspy croakiness. To me, that summed up Tony perfectly – he is the man in control of and behind the design the suit and thus the true hero (because the suit HE DESIGNED was able to work out getting the stones/gauntlet off Thanos’ hand), and even when he’s at the very end of his rope, he never gives up when it comes to trying to do the right thing (even if he goes about it in the wrong ways and is often his own worst enemy). So yeah, it felt like pure Tony Stark to me. Two – the fact that he went out with his real family by his side. One of my fave moments was him finally laying into Steve and the rest of the team at the start of the film, and I think his closing moments mirrored that well. Yes, he can be on cordial terms with the rest of the Avengers, but they were never his true family – his real family was the ones with him at the very end, and I was honestly so relieved that there was no bullshit last-words exchange between him and Cap that tried to cement some mythical bond that was never really present in MCU in the first place (comics, yes; cinematic universe, hell no) that that overruled everything else I feel about his death. (Though I could obviously go much more into that but again… this is hella long so I’ll stop now.)

Anyway, IDK if anyone made it to the end of this thing, but I feel like I’ve gotten a weight off my chest, so… mission accomplished, I guess? Lord knows I could write an entire novel about my feels as a result of this movie – I didn’t even touch treatment of the Wakandans, Captain Marvel’s non-appearance in the film, or other “implied but never confirmed/denied” elements of the plot. But I’m probably close to Tumblr’s bs limits anyway, so. Congrats to you if you made it this far lol.

[ryanmeft]

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Movie Review

Spider-Man 2 set the standard for the wall-crawler’s celluloid escapes, and the movies have been trying to catch up to that ever since. Thanks in large part to poor decisions by Sony, it never came close until Marvel got a hand on the property again. The last thing I ever expected from Sony’s own spin-off movies was that they’d be any good, especially after surviving Venom. As it turns out, the soul of the character just needed animation to set it free. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is not only a great entry in the webslinger’s mostly forgettable filmography, it’s in the top tier of superhero films, period.

Miles Morales (Shamiek Moore) is a black teen being sent to a private school after winning a scholarship; his father (Brian Tyree Henry) is a by-the-books cop who struggles to understand his growing son but loves him anyway, which sounds cliche but works because the character is so well-written. His mother (Luna Lauren Velez) is unfortunately sidelined, and spending more time on her in the sequel would be welcome. He looks up to his uncle Aaron (Mahershala Ali), who shares Miles’s love of graffiti art but who is also some sort of a criminal. I mention Miles’s race because it’s important: the movie elects for a happily stable family and a smart kid with a bright future, a rare focus for African American characters in cinema. The movie is not political in the slightest, and treats this as if it’s not uncommon, because it isn’t. It’s a deliberate contrast to Peter Parker, whose life is a constant mess. Miles gets his powers with a similar spider bite and without much fanfare.

Speaking of Peter Parker, he shows up, voiced by Chris Pine, and gets in a big fight involving the Green Goblin (Jorma Taccone) and the Kingpin (Liev Schreiber), classic Spider-Man villains somewhat re-imagined for the setting. When things go wrong trying to stop a dimension-combining device, Miles lands the gig of stopping the machine from firing again, but can barely use his own powers. Another Parker (Jake Johnson), an older and out-of-shape one who has given up on life, shows up and doesn’t make a very adequate mentor. He’s eventually joined by numerous other versions. Spider-Gwen (Hailee Steinfeld), who is clearly here to launch her own spin-off, is cynical and calculating. Peni Parker (Kimiko Glenn) is an anime take on the character whose powers are actually invested in a machine that I think is piloted by a spider itself. I’ll be honest, I lost the details in the rush, but she works because she’s more homage to the form than parody. Spider-Ham/Peter Porker (John Mulaney) is sadly underutilized and didn’t really add as much as he could; there’s too many other Spider-guys for him to stand out. By far my favorite was Spider-Man Noir, a version who is almost all shadow, wears a fedora and trench-coat, and is voiced brilliantly by Nicolas Cage, who channels Humphrey Bogart and James Cagney. Indeed, the voice cast is so stuffed that Lily Tomlin and Zoe Kravitz end up in tertiary roles. Each of these alternate heroes got sucked into Miles’s universe and will see their molecules fracture like a bad radio signal if they don’t get back. For this, they seek the help of a batty-but-brilliant scientist (Kathryn Hahn), who provokes one of Parker’s best lines. Each is accompanied by a quick and humorous rundown of their respective origins, which both serves as a nice send-up of the now-tedious origin story and fills in whatever small amount of info the audience might need.

A disclaimer for those who are understandably confused about Spidey’s cinematic history: none of these Spider-People are the same one from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, that interconnected place of Guardians and Avengers. The Parker here appears to be some version of the one from Sam Raimi’s first trilogy, and considering the divided reception of that line, it’s an interesting choice (it still contains the best Spider-Man movie, and a couple lackluster ones). It matters far less than it does in the MCU, because this movie feeds more on energy, humor and heart than on continuity. To my recollection (it’s been a while), all of these characters exist in some way in the comics, but you don’t have to care. On screen, they play off each other wonderfully. The jaded Parker is like those wizened mentors from every movie ever made about a plucky kid finding his way, except this guy, while having the skills, doesn’t care. That’s a decidedly different look for Spider-Man, one that only an animated film, specifically only an animated film this unique, could pull off; an apathetic hero is just not something audiences would accept if he were the main character. The Noir version has the most potential for his own movie, as his universe is the most different from what we’ve seen before. Like Rey in Star Wars, Spider-Gwen is unfortunately given the least interesting character, but there’s room for development later. For some reason, the same people that decided we need more female heroes (which we do) also decided they always have to be---pardon the expression---the straight man. Will we maybe have a female take on Tony Stark at some point? I won’t hold my breath; the culture just isn’t there yet.

The heroes are of course opposed by the afore-mentioned villains, joined by many others: Prowler, a Batman-esque fighter, Scorpion (Joaquin Cosio), Tombstone (Marvin “Krondon” Jones III) and a surprise bonus pick who I will not mention because you should discover it for yourself, except to say this person really works while, in a way, bringing back a long-absent, long in demand foe. When machines are activated and villains are fighting, the movie does occasionally veer somewhat close to confusion, but it always recovers, with the exception of some of the villains being rather generic. Animation has unshackled the agility, speed and wit Spider-Man has always evoked in the minds of people flipping through comic panels. There’s a litheness to the movements of the characters that no amount of CG could ever replicate, and a boundless energy that the unique animation style---designed to look like comic panels in motion and, to my eternal shock, actually successful in this---works perfectly with.

Still, the most surprising thing is how the emotions carry through. Each Spider-Dude-or-Dudette has their own tragedy and loss, and the sense that no matter what universe he exists in, he’ll always have to deal with that is sadly poignant, especially for anyone who grew up on the Spider-Man mythos. There are actual stakes here; even the motivations of the Kingpin have real heft. The movie has been handled by Lego Movie producers Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, with a small army of co-writers joining along the way, and the surprise is that for once, so many cooks have managed to concoct something that feels so sincere.

If you aren’t a comic person, don’t worry. There’s enough heart here to sweep you up even if you don’t know your spiders from your bats. Stan Lee’s posthumous cameo feels fitting, in a movie that does right by his (and Steve Ditko’s) best creation. Nerds tend to declare amazing absolutely every comic movie that comes out. And every once in a while, they’re right.

Verdict: Highly Recommended (3 1/2 out of 4 stars)

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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[lumosinlove]

The Mark of Aphrodite

Troy and Greece are at war over Helen of Sparta’s beauty and Paris’ thievery. Remus, a Greek medic, and Sirius, a Trojan general, will fight for much more than another man’s pride.

part i

The Greek Camp

Remus only ended up in battle because the Greeks needed reinforcements. He should have been in the medicine tents, where he belonged, not strapping on metal that didn’t fit him. He was thin, with half the amount of muscle as most of the other men, but he was healthy and of age, and so he was called. Peter too, a boy a few years younger, sixteen maybe, was summoned to the battle that would start with sunrise the next day. He had been called second after Remus, and Remus had had to look away as Peter shied away from the order, a dishonorable cringe working through his round limbs. Remus had kept his head high, eyes ahead, and his trembling hands behind his back. His hands didn’t shake when tending to the wounded, but he had a feeling they might around a sword.

The Trojan nights were hot, but the coastal breeze that flowed up to the camps from the beach was cool and Remus had taken to sleeping just outside the medicine tents. The stench of blood and death was too thick sometimes to fall into Hypnos’ clutches, but that wasn’t why he wasn’t sleeping tonight. Tonight, he would watch the sunrise, and know that what came with it was a day that brought him death. He wasn’t a fighter, he had never trained, and the Trojans were merciless. He didn’t expect to survive, but couldn’t find it in him to run. He’d look like a coward.

His sleeping mat slide a little underneath him as Peter sat down heavily.

“I wonder if they care.” He said, “If they care that we know we’re going to die.”

Remus glanced his way, at his cropped blonde hair and sweaty face. Peter dealt with the heat worse than most.

“Probably not.” Remus picked up a piece of bread he had nicked from one of the food tents, tearing it in half and handing the bigger piece to Peter, “Or maybe they’re more optimistic than we are.”

“We’ve got Achilles, what do they need us for?”

Remus shook his head, chewing slowly, “Achilles won’t fight, remember? Because of the girl.”

“Oh.” Peter sighed, deep and regretful, “Oh, right.” They chewed in silence for a moment before Peter nudge him, “Do you think it’s true?”

“Do I think what’s true?” Remus was tearing small pieces off his bread, trying to make it last.

Peter sounded slightly excited now at the prospect of gossip, “About Achilles and his man, Patroclus. There are some men in the camp that say they’re lovers.”

Remus pinched his bread, molding it into a small ball between his fingers, focusing carefully on it, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean—I think I see it. Not that I’ve gotten close enough to see it. But I think that… I don’t know.”

Remus looked out towards the horizon, heart jumping a little at the fact that it was starting to lighten, “Say what you mean, Pete.”

“I just think that…” Peter was quiet for a few moments, then, in a softer voice, “I think it would be nice, I guess. To have someone here. Someone who chose you. Who wasn’t taken and afraid.”

Remus looked over at him, at the way he was sitting with his head down, fumbling with his bread instead of eating it. He seemed to feel Remus’ gaze and continued.

“I’m not saying I don’t like all the girls, I do. I’m just saying maybe he’s lucky.”

Remus looked towards the beach again, towards Achilles’ tent and ships a little in the distance. There was a lamp lit inside and he could see two shadows sitting together, close and quiet. He thought of Achilles. The man was a bit of a mystery. A bit of a hot-head. But Peter was right. He had companionship. He had freedom, the freedom to choose his battles.

“Yeah.” Remus looked away and tossed Peter the last of his bread, suddenly not hungry, “Maybe he is.”

They sat quietly after that, watching dawn come.

~

Troy

Sirius wasn’t sure how he had ended up next to Helen. He hadn’t wanted to be next to Helen, and he was pretty sure—by the number of male narrowed eyes set on him—they were others who would willingly take his place. He had nothing against Helen, but Paris’ constant showers of affection over her were less than apatite-inducing. It did, however, give him time to inspect the beauty she was so known for. He’d been watching all dinner, blending in perfectly with the rest of the male company—an unusual feat.

He didn’t get it.

He’d never voice this opinion, obviously, but he just didn’t quite see what was different. Certainly not what was worth all this blood or the hundreds of Greek lords camped outside, dealing with the beach’s sand grains in every nook and corner of their beings. She certainly wasn’t worth all the sand.

She was beautiful, but not in any way that Sirius cared about. Her neck was lean and swanlike, her eyes were dark, as was her hair. Her skin was milky and her voice soft. She was everything a women was suppose to be.

Sirius’ eyes drifted from her, and onto Paris.

Now, Paris. Sirius thought he might withstand sand and blood for him.

He laid with Paris once, just once, before all of this. It was a around two years ago and he’d been young, maybe sixteen, still in training with the army. Paris was known for his broad tastes and extravagances and Sirius, being as he was, had been keen to play this known fact to his advantages.

He fought with sweat and sword to catch Paris’ eye, and it had worked much quicker than he had thought it would. He’d been in the middle of dinner with James and some other of Troy’s most promising, when a servant had come to collect him quietly.

Paris’ chambers had been ornate, like a woman’s, and his sheets and skin soft.

“You have the eyes of Athena.” Paris had said to him, stroking the skin beneath his gray irises, “The skills of a god.” Paris’ smile had been quiet but sharp, “Is that why you look like one too?”

The night had been long and hot, and Sirius had thought—maybe—

But he was woken early, before the sun, and ushered out. Paris had not even stirred, remained with his back towards him, sleeping on. He never looked Sirius’ way again.

So, why, Sirius asked himself. Why would he burn a city for him still?

Sirius took a drink of wine, holding the sweet liquid on his tongue.

He’d change it if he could.

“The Greeks,” Hector, whose command he was under, broke into his thoughts, “sleep just outside our walls. If we do not push back soon, they will think us weakened.” His voice was deep, and powerful. Sirius thought that was much nicer than Helen too, “They will see it as an opening for attack. I say we act before they have a chance to consider any option.” He looked around the room, finding Sirius and nodding at him, “I ask for my troops support in quick action. Sirius, son of Black, as general Albus was slain at the last battle, you are next in line for command.” He stared down the rest of the room, “I vouch for this soldier. He is brave, and fierce, and I hope none of you question this, despite his youth."

“You have my support, Prince Hector.” Sirius spoke up, raising his glass to his lips slowly, letting the eyes of the room linger on him. He knew that Hector was not simply giving him this position. A silent exchange had just taken place. Sirius’ support, for Hector’s authorization of an increase in rank.

“Tomorrow, then. Dawn.” Sirius raised his class, Hector following, a slight smile on his face, and the room following him. Sirius smiled back, “What is quicker than that?”

~

The Greek Camp

The leather and bronze of the armor made it hotter, and sweat dripped down along Remus’ neck and throat. Everything felt heavy and cumbersome. He tried to stand tall, in fact he rose just as high or higher than most of the other men, but his bronze breast plate felt like it mirrored Atlas, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was walking, or more stumbling, to his death.

Agamemnon stood at the front of the troops, raised high in his glinting chariot, armor polished to perfection unlike the dented, dead man’s metal Remus had had thrust into his arms just an hour earlier. Agamemnon was speaking, shouting, rallying his men. Spears hammered the earth around him, calls of battle rang through the troops, and Remus heard none of it. He thought briefly of Peter, whom he had lost in the crowd, and sent a silent prayer up to Athena, or maybe Aphrodite, to keep him alive through this day. He thought about sending one for himself, but thought he might save it, thought maybe there might be a time when he needed it more.

“Greeks!” Agamemnon’s voice roared, spear and sword raised in each fist, “Fight with me for the spoils you deserve!” The crowd roared back, “For the Trojan blood’s sweet stench as it hits the earth!” Spears hammered the ground, “For the beauty of Helen of Sparta!”

Agamemnon’s weapons came down in a cross over his body, clanging the sides of his chariot and sending his horses into frantic action, galloping forward. And suddenly Remus was running too, it was either that or be trampled. He couldn’t breathe right, cornered by men driven mad by Ares, by lust for blood and beauty and gold—the three things promised to the victors of war. For a few moments, it was just breath, and cries, and dust.

And then Remus heard the first strike of metal on metal. He wasn’t sure where the Trojans had come from, but suddenly the ranks had broken as unfamiliar faces delivered chaos that battle promised. Horses wined and pawed the earth while their masters yanked the reigns and slashed at flesh. The air was gritty with sand and dust, and Remus coughed, fingers white around his heavy sword. He turned desperately, desperate to move for fear of being cut down, but bodies were pressed against him too closely. He found himself shoulder to shoulder with a boy about his age, but he had his sword rage with determination, muscles flexing and jaw set. 
Remus, feeling completely alone in his fear, was unable to help the question from slipping out. He grabbed the boy’s arm, “How—“ they were jostled but Remus kept his grip tight, “how do we get out?”

The boy looked alarmed, annoyed, and opened his mouth to answer. What came instead was a spray of red, directly across Remus’ face. The boy choked, eyes so wide Remus could see his own expression of horror in them, and then he fell sideways, obscured and trampled almost as fast as he had died.

A laugh rang out above him and Remus’ head whipped up. A white mare, coat wet with enemies blood, held a dark haired Trojan. His grin was wicked, his tan skin speckled with red, his sword was wet to the hilt, and his eyes were fixed on Remus. They were grey and light with adrenaline. His sword raised, and only then did Remus find his prayer.

Aphrodite. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die, please—

Remus felt frozen, the sword was no longer raising, but lowering.

Aphrodite, I call to you, I call to you, I don’t want to die, I don’t—

The Trojan struck, Remus felt the blow of the sword, the metal against the skin of his neck. He gasped for breath, expecting there to be none, and choked when he got a lungful of dust and air.

The sword, and all its force, had added no new blood to its gore. It had simply glanced off Remus’ skin.

The boy on horseback blinked, thrown off balance by the rogue sword, and for a moment the battle dimmed.

“Not possible.” Remus heard the boy say, so softly that he shouldn’t have been able to hear it.

Then the boy’s eyes widened. A god, were the words his lips shaped.

“No.” Remus said softly, hand flying to his throat where the blade had ricocheted, “I’m not.”

“You—“

The boy’s expression changed, and it took Remus a moment to see why. His hand went to his side, clutching at where a sword had sliced through the leather ties of his armor and into his skin. Remus, without thinking, stepped out and caught him as he slid from his horse. He was heavier than Remus expected and he stumbled a little under his weight until the boy’s feet were on the ground and he was slumped into Remus’ chest. It was an odd sort of embrace, but in the context, it looked like one was stabbing the other.

Remus felt breath against his neck, “I don’t want to die.”

The words surprised him, out of place among the men charging at each other around them, screaming for one another’s blood.

The breath again, fainter, “I don’t want to die. Aphrodite…”

The boy slumped against him fully, and Remus stood, frozen, in the middle of a scene of death.

He looked around, his helmet obstructing much of his view, and again, asked the forbidden question of any soldier: How do we get out?

Because he is not a soldier. He is a healer.

And he shouldered the boy’s weight, wrapping his limp arm around his own neck, and started to push through the swords and shouts.

~

Remus found a grove, shaded from view and distant from the fighting, that rested where the beach’s sand was just starting to turn to Troy’s green grasses. Remus ducked under branches that slid along his helmet and swayed in the breeze. The boy’s feet dragged along the ground, and Remus did his best to set him down gently against one of the larger olive trees of the rather dense cluster they were in. He tore his helmet off, gasping for breath, and then knelt, pulling the boy’s helmet free too. It was gold and shining, with a large plume along the crest. So, he had status. A general, most likely. Remus frowned at the piece of armor, then at the boy’s face. He looked young, very young, for a position of that rank. But, then again, maybe they did things differently in Troy.

The Trojan groaned, coughing weakly, head rolling to the side. Sweat lined his forehead and cheeks making stray strands of hair stick to is olive skin. Remus stared for a moment at the sort of rough beauty of him. He was a warrior for sure, and had the graceful strength about him in the fine muscles in his hands and, as Remus saw when he unlaced his armor and shirt beneath, his chest. The cut was deep, but the blood had began to slow on its own. Remus took hold of the bottom of the boy’s tunic and tore, the fine fabric ripping neatly.

“Stop.”

Remus started, breath catching as his eyes was forced forward by the tip of a sword—his own sword—being pressed against his throat.

The boy had his cool, gray eyes fixed on him, steady, but hooded with blood loss, “Greek.” He said the word, not with the contempt that Remus expected, but with a sort of fascination. He looked to where Remus had torn his shirt, “That’s expensive.” His tongue had switched from his own to Greek. So, Remus had been right. High born.

Remus’ hands tightened around the fabric, “Kill me and we’ll both die here.”

The boy nodded at the cloth, “Then continue.” He did not lower the sword.

Remus narrowed his eyes, “I am helping you at my own risk. Do not expect me to do it beneath your sword.”

The boy smirked, “It’s your sword.”

Remus blinked, taken aback by the smile, by the humor, and even more so by the sound of the sword hitting the earth. The boy leant back against the tree. “You’re not a fighter anyway.”

Remus sat a little straighter at that, a hard task when one was kneeling and leaning over a wound, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, you armor’s practically hanging off of you, firstly. And look at you,” Remus glanced up at the tone. The boy raised a hand, “You’re as fair as a woman. You’ve never seen a day’s training in the sun.”

Remus pressed the cloth to the line of blood. The boy didn’t even flinch, just kept the same lazy posture up, “A medic, I’d guess.”

“I’d sound a little more pleased about that if I were in your position right now.”

“I never said I wasn’t.” The boy leaned forward compliantly at Remus’ motion, and suddenly they were very close, almost chest to chest, as Remus reached around him to circle the make-shift bandage around his torso. When he spoke next, his voice was right in Remus’ ear, “Are we going to address the real question at any point?”

“Why I didn’t let you die?”

“No—“ The boy cut off with a hiss when Remus—maybe not so unintentionally—roughly tightened the bandage. He blew his hair from his eyes, narrowing them at Remus, “Why I couldn’t kill you.”

Remus looked down, adjusting the bandage just so, staying quiet.

“You’re not a god. I can see that now, so there must be some explanation. Have you won one’s favor somehow?”

Remus’ fingers stilled. His mind flew to his own desperate words, the ones that had entered his mind in that split second of terror.

Aphrodite, I call to you, I call to you, I don’t want to die.

Aphrodite.

“You prayed.” Remus looked up, sitting back on his heels, “I caught you when you fell and I heard you.” Remus swore he saw the boy’s jaw tighten, “You prayed to Aphrodite for life. Why?”

Sirius pressed himself into a taller sitting position, wincing and trying to hide it, “It is in her clutches that I feel most alive.” It was said with a cheeky but obviously strained grin, “Nothing gets my heart pumping quite like she does, don’t you agree?”

Remus felt his cheeks flame.

The boy smirked, “Or maybe you don’t know. Medics wouldn’t be the ones getting much of the women down there at camp, would they?”

“You’re about to die and you pray for lust?” Remus shook his head, but his heart was racing.

Had they both prayed to Aphrodite? Had she heard them?

“You still didn’t answer my question.” The boy was picking gingerly at the new bandage, and pulling his tunic back over his head. Remus tried not to let his eyes linger as the tan strips of skin disappeared, “I struck with full intention to take you’re life. No godly work came from my side.”

Remus swallowed.

Aphrodite, I call to you, I call to you, I don’t want to die.

“I don’t know.” He picked up his sword, edging it behind him now that the boy seemed in better fighting condition. His motion didn’t go unnoticed.

The boy’s smirk was back, “Scared I might try again?”

“You are a Trojan.” Remus said shortly, “Merciless.”

“Oh, is that what they say about us? How nice.” They stared at each other for a few moments, for long enough that Remus wondered if they were ever going to move.

“Here.” The boy said finally. He picked up his helmet and held it out. It gleamed in the sun, “I may be a merciless Trojan but I know when a debt needs to be payed. Take this for your spoils, I doubt you have many.”

Remus hesitated. He didn’t need a helmet, especially not a Trojan one. He didn’t want to be mistaken on the field, if he ever had to fight again. But, he supposed, if people started asking where he was, if anyone even noticed, it would be nice to have something to prove he had been there at all. Maybe even something that would offer the idea that he had taken a life. He took the helmet.

“You should trade it for food. Maybe become something other than skin and bones.”

Remus glared, “I’ll do with it what I like.”

They stood. Remus didn’t help him up this time but the boy didn’t seem to need it. He strapped his armor on with only a little difficulty, and then they were left with nothing to do but face each other.

“Do you often save enemy lives?”

Remus placed his own helmet on his head, and cradled the other beneath his arm, “I don’t often get close enough to an enemy to get the chance.” He took a step back, “You should clean that, when you get back.”

And then he turned and went.

~

Sand, Sirius thought. He would deal with the sand for that Greek.

(A/N: NEW FIC! Hope you guys enjoy :)

[musicmixtapes]

Halloween Mix (October 31 ‘18)

Happy Halloween to all my favorite witches, vampires and ghouls--This week's mix is pretty self explanatory but I had so much fun making it and think that it can be listened to even when it's not Halloween because we all have spooky hearts year round

Listen on Spotify

1. Witch by the bird and the bee - The beginning of this song with the xylophone sounds already sets us up for some interesting tones and makes it all the more spooky vibed throughout, which was automatically very ear catching when I first listened to it. But other than that, the entire love-lust-desire themed song of a witch entrapping someone in their spell and taking names without mercy is such a great trope for female empowered music. There are so many references to the "spells" "biddings" "conjurings" "hauntings" in this piece which makes it a classic halloween song. But I didn't find this during witching season, in fact, I discovered it over the summer which goes to show that it holds the test of time and can be enjoyed not just on this specific day (although I highly recommend it going on your own Halloween mix for sure). There is also another really cool instrumental segment in the mid part of the song where an electric guitar or string instrument of some sort is introduced followed by the step down chords of the synthesized creepy piano/string sound that is recurring in this piece. 

2. Ungodly Fruit by Wax Tailor - This artist, who I have featured one other time on a previous mixtape, produces some of the the smartest and most unique pieces that I have had the pleasure of hearing with unworthy ears. There are not many words in this piece and in Wax Tailor true character, the words in the song are samples from different films. The first lyrics heard are Sampled from Professor Alexander Siletsky in the 1942 film To Be or Not to Be. The second portion of lyric is sampled from the 1934 film The Man Who Knew Too Much. Listening to the extravagant horns throughout the piece along with the interesting harp and assorted strings woven through create a vintage love/horror movie vibe that perfectly aligns with the samples of the movie lines that are showcased. 

3. Black Magic Woman by Fleetwood Mac - Please for the love of halloween and all things magical, do not try and tell me that this is a cover of Santana's song because it is the other way around actually. His much popularized cover is quite fantastic, I agree, but there is something special and essential Fleetwood Mac about this piece that sets up the vibe of the band from very early on in the metamorphosis of the group. Now, if you are only familiar with the more recent group, you would be confused by this track because it sounds different and queen Stevie Nicks is not anywhere to be found. The group used to consist of Peter Green, Mick Fleetwood and Jeremy Spencer before the grouping was changed to what we know now. Honestly, this song is just a prediction about the queen witch that would later grace the band, but also a desire song about a mystifying woman.

4. Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett & The Crypt Kickers - If you have been living under a rock for every October since you were born, then you don't know this awesomely spooky hit. Otherwise, I'm absolutely sure you've sung, you've danced, you've enjoyed this graveyard smash of a song that has created a rippling effect over halloweens for over fifty years. I remember being in kindergarten at my Halloween parade and walking around showing off my angel costume to this song, so yes, it has had a lasting effect on me for sure. Lou Simon, senior director of music programming at SiriusXM Radio, says, “‘Monster Mash’ has timeless appeal. The generations who grew up with it have fond memories of the song from the ’60s and again from its ’70s renaissance. The familiar arrangement is uncomplicated and delightful. It’s just one of those records that wears well and makes people happy.”

5. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side by The Smiths - Ok starting this one off with a literary definition, just in case you don't know exactly what Morrissey is referring to... To have a thorn in one's side is to have something or someone that continually causes problems for you; my definition of this is when someone will not quit pissing you off and making life hell even if they are unaware of doing so, we all have one of these and they are utterly unshakeable such is the way of life. When asked if this song was inspired by Oscar Wilde in an interview, Morrissey replied: "No, that’s not true. The thorn is the music industry and all those people who never believed anything I said, tried to get rid of me and wouldn’t play the records. So I think we’ve reached a stage where we feel: if they don’t believe me now, will they ever believe me? What more can a poor boy do?" 

6. Leave Me Be by Beau - This is one of two songs on this week's mix that does not exactly conform to theme I laid out but there was no way I was going to leave it out because the sounds and emotions included in this piece is perfectly in line with the general feeling of the playlist. The singer's voice is so weird and unique, I have not heard anything like it before, but it definitely reminds me a bit of Lene Lovich's (80s singer) voice when she does those big jumps in range and pitch in the chorus of the song. I guess the voyeuristic image of someone bothering the speaker of the song and pestering her like an impetuous ghost following one around does conform to the theme of ghoulish natures and general halloween-ness. My favourite line from the song is the repeated phrase "All I ever wanted was just to be left alone/All I ever wanted was something to call my own" because me too... me too. 

7. The Piano Duet by Danny Elfman (Corpse Bride) - Sitting in the piano room of my college dorm in the East Village on a Monday night a couple of weeks ago, I was exhausted of studying statistics and needed something to bring me to a peaceful state of mind. At first, I tried playing other pieces of music, but they proved too complex for my muddle mind at the time. Then I came across this simple and wonderful piece hailing from the classic animated king of Halloween, Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride. I was fascinated by the wandering notes that can be played with literally one finger which turns into this complex two handed piano piece that takes more time than I had to learn in its entirety. Danny Elfman has composed a lot of music for Burton which has become well loved and renowned but this short piece is striking and emotional for me. If you have the chance and a piano, you should play around with it because I think it is so satisfying to play. 8. Agony by Yung Lean - Originally I found this song in another version, one that was done by the alternative band Beach Fossils and I was hesitant not to put that version on the mix, but in the end decided the original needed to be heard and loved more. Coming from the Swedish hip hop/rap/emo/etc performed and artist Yung Lean, this vulnerable piece of music which describes how it feels to become unraveled is unrivalled by a lot of other songs about chaos that traps you in your own mind. What's more is that the song comes from a place of truth because the artist, Jonatan Hastard's (Yung Lean), spent time in a psychiatric facility due to mental health issues which were making him unable to live successfully. I think that it is so important that mental illness be represented in the music industry because it shows not only that having illness is okay, but that you can deal with it and get through it. So, thank you for showing us yourself, Hastard, and encouraging us to do the same. 

9. Skeletons (Acoustic) by Yeah Yeah Yeahs - How fitting for this celebratory day with none other than the queen of being spooky and distorted. In this track, the speaker asks her lover to basically tear her apart, to destroy her by any means necessary because she has already been destroyed by the love she has experienced. Now, one of the most important things to remember about a song that has very few lyrics is that the ones that are there, are there for a particular reason. The phrase "frost or flame" returns more than once, and it is due to the reference to the poem by Robert Frost "Fire and Ice" in which he details which way the world ending would be better. The speaker relates this to the way that her lover can destroy her: either by burning her or icing her out. I am going to include the poem because I love it so much: Some say the world will end in fire/Some say in ice/From what I’ve tasted of desire/I hold with those who favor fire/But if it had to perish twice/I think I know enough of hate/To say that for destruction ice/Is also great/And would suffice.

10. Femme Fatale by The Velvet Underground - I'm sure you've heard of this phrase before, but do you know why and when is became such an iconic phrase? No? I didn't either until I heard this wonderful song. This phrase has actually been around since the turn of the 19th century with the mass popularization of the gothic type of novel, but it resurfaced with this song in the 60s and has stayed relevant to this day. What I didn't know about the 'femme fatale' is what I found from contributors on Genius music (I use this all the time for insightful explanations): "Edie Sedgwick was an American socialite, actress, and model that came from a very wealthy and prestigious family. She was a part of Andy Warhol’s “factory” crew, and became one his closest friends and muses as Warhol brought her to fame." I think that this tribute to a friend and inspiration makes for the perfect song and gives a deeper meaning to a tale of a heartbreaker and 'take no prisoners' woman that is depicted here. 11. I Put A Spell On You by Annie Lennox - Classic. Breathtaking. Magical. Three words that describe this song and specifically the Lennox cover of this song. Something about the way the high chords of the keyboard are struck in the beginning of the piece is so gratifying, I just knew I would be in love with listening to this in the first few seconds. Honestly, and I never thought I would be saying this but, I have to thank whoever put together the 50 Shades of Grey film because that is the reason the cover of this song exists, which is kind of annoying. Nonetheless, it thankfully exists, and tells about a man who cannot be faithful to the woman who is telling the story in the song. So, she puts a spell over the man so he will not leave her and remains faithful to her instead. Despite having such amazing music to go behind it, this is such a wicked sentiment and fits perfectly with the season. 

12. Found Love In A Graveyard by Veronica Falls - This song is really, really sad. And I wasn't sure I was going to include it because it is really striking and makes me feel very emotional due to the intense meaning behind it. But, I think that music is, yes, supposed to uplift you and put you in a good mood, but not always. Sometimes, songs have a power to touch the things deep and dark inside of us that are untouchable by anything else, and this is a beautiful concept; sad, but still beautiful. The minor and eerie chords and drumbeat that start the song off with the discordant "ooohs" let us know this is not going to be one of those sunny, uplifting songs, but one of the darker ones. This piece can very well be about the literal sense of finding love in a graveyard with someone who is no longer alive, but I think it's about finding love in someone who is not present in one's life and wanting them so much but not being able to have them anymore. Listen with caution if you are already in your feelings. 

13. Zombie by The Cranberries - Let me paint a picture for you: it was summertime five years ago. A thirteen year old girl who was just discovering her musical genre for singing and listening alike stepped onto an outdoor stage in mid-June. The heavy guitar of a somber rock song come on and she begins to sing; surprise, the song is this one, and the girl is also this one who is writing to you. This song particularly has had more influence over my own writing and singing style than any other in this mix, both because it is beautifully metaphorical and because it is truthful to the point of tears in some respects. The song tells about the Troubles which occurred in Northern Ireland between the unionists and nationalists, the tensions and violence which spanned over decades and literally tore families apart. Dolores O'Riordan, the writer and singer of this song said, "This song is our cry against man’s inhumanity to man, inhumanity to child."

14. Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Not going to lie, I first heard this song and saw the scene performed when I was 12 and discovered the wonderful television program that is Glee. After that, though, I further investigated the chaotic goodness that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show and became enamoured with the explicit messages of open sexuality, breaking social norms and utter weirdness that makes up the show. This song is the most recognisable from the show, but by no means diminishes the other pieces that are performed. If possible, I really suggest either seeing a live performance or watching one online because all of the different characters, which you can hear in the recording are produced on the stage; the visuals make all the difference in the holistic experience of listening and I think in this instance, enhances the value you will hold with the song particularly the ever shifting point of views and voice sounds exhibited.

15. Werewolves Of London by Warren Zevon - First and foremost, all credits for this song being in my life go to my father because I have been listening to this with him since before I could write, much less write about music on a blog for my friends and family. Because it was such an integral part of my music experience from a young age, I enjoy examining not just what it means, but what it means to me.  The song is based on the 1953 film "Werewolf Of London" and if you haven't seen it, I recommend the viewing of this, because it's a really good movie, but either way you can enjoy the song separately because it stands on it's own. It describes and details a werewolf doing all normal human behaviour and a man meeting him and being like "wow this is really strange". Even just the first line of the song depicting a werewolf getting chinese food at the store is so funny and strange, and then talks about in the next lines a woman being mutilated by werewolves. I love the contrasting images outlined in this piece with such a simple 3-chord progression that is so catchy. 

16. Voodoo Child (Slight Return) by Jimi Hendrix - The distortion of the guitar in the intro for this track is so awesome, I cannot get enough of it and it is quintessential Jimi Hendrix  classic rock. Hendrix's gruff and raw rock voice comes through amazingly in this song and tells us a story about psychedelic experience of exaggeration with voodoo practice that was popularized especially during the 1960s and 1970s. The image of chopping a mountain down with the edge of one's hand presented in the first verse suggests that this is a drug induced experience in which the narrator is having an out of body vision of this happening, or so we can assume (I don't think Jimi chopped down a mountain, but who knows). As for the much iconic phrase 'voodoo child', I attributed this notion to the feeling of some of the African heritage and cultural spirituality that centers around practice of voodoo which has traced back through centuries. The intervention of God given to shamans or mediums, the servants of the spirits, results in a magic of spiritual nature. 

17. Blood In The Bathtub by Bonny Doon - I think the only scary thing pertaining to this song is the title and matching phrase that is repeated in the chorus of this low key song, but otherwise it is really of a loving, sensitive nature for year round enjoyment. Again, the guitar in this song is so present and the riffs included are indicative of some blues inspiration which is really nice and adds a lot of colour. As for the meaning, I ascertained that the speaker feels bad about his actions towards the end of his and the subject's relationship and is trying to explain his feelings about their demise. The aspect I appreciate about this song is that the speaker isn't trying to get back or win the affection of the subject, but instead agree that they have the right to leave and be lost or confused, which is a really valid feeling. The blood can be many things, but I like to see it as an impurity where the goodness (water) of the relationship was supposed to be. 

18. Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps) by David Bowie - I often find that this spectacularly strange man can describe feelings that we all have in surreal ways no one would think to, yet do it so precisely we can't help but love it. This is a description I found online for the piece that I think is really perfect and I couldn't say it better myself: "The song title was inspired by a Kellogg’s Corn Flakes ad campaign: “Scary Monsters and Super Heroes”. It describes the feelings of an obsessive man when he gets a shy girlfriend. Though his influence on her initially works out well for the relationship, it becomes too much for her. She soon becomes a recluse, leaves the man, and descends into madness, seeing all strangers as ‘scary monsters’." I love this thought of being terrified of strangers and can relate on days in the city when I don't feel like talking to anyone.

19. Monster by ALASKALASKA - A new song for this mix, which was hard because surprisingly, not many artists cater to the halloween aesthetic genre of songs. I impose the thought that we need some bands/artists that only write for this holiday and season because I want more halloween music, not just the same old same old. This song is not about making someone else the monster, but the other way around of someone making you out to be a monster in order to place blame and flip the script. If you've ever been in a relationship where someone uses an ugly aspect of you in and twists the conversation to make you look bad, you can definitely relate to this song. The electro indie sounds in this song which are discordant and not so pretty go perfectly in line with the songwriter's intentions of meaning, in my opinion. 

20. Which Witch by Florence + The Machine - A bonus track and a demo from the How Big How Blue How Beautiful album and quite possibly my favourite song from the album at the same time. This song makes so much sense coming from Welch because she exudes the witchy nature in every way and writes about pagan nature and deity folklore a lot in her music which is so outside the realm of regular music that we are used to, which makes her so likeable and a force in the music industry. This track describes a two fold witch trial: one in the realistic and historical sense of witches being put on trial for having sinister ways and doing unexpected things for women for their time period. The other is her having her heart put on trial for loving in a way that was not desirable from her lover, even though she never tried to hide what she was. Now that she is escaping from the relationship, she explains she has no regret for what has happened, no matter what the man says in retaliation to her opinions. 

Thanks for listening and reading!

See you next week,

Julia

[onestowatch]

Q&A: Homeshake Talks Touring With Mac DeMarco, His Love for Migos, & Has an Existential Crisis

Peter Sagar, more popularly known as Homeshake, found his first bout of success as the guitarist for Mac DeMarco. But success was never what Sagar was in search of. Rather, the Canadian artist wished to pursue solitude, a sentiment that bleeds out in his airy, downtempo R&B. Having since left Mac DeMarco some time ago to fully invest himself in his Homeshake project–with no ill feelings, as the two regularly hang out when they find themselves in the same city– Sagar rarely tours despite his rapidly growing cult-like fanbase. In many ways, Sagar’s own fans embody the same frenzy that came to be associated with DeMarco’s live shows, but Sagar is the one in control now. His latest album the critically-acclaimed Fresh Air, is the culmination of that complete creative freedom.

A Homeshake show is a rare sighting, and much like the rarest of sightings, it is not be missed. His most recent show saw him play The Natural History Museum in Los Angeles, to an audience of avid fans, taxidermy dioramas, and prehistoric fossils. An odd venue for music by all accounts, but an all too fitting one for Sagar. Homeshake’s otherworldly music, often amplified by his penchant for vocal modulation, feels as if it’s perfectly designed for unique moments such as these. So, as I sat down to speak with the reclusive artist, adorned in a Sade shirt, I was introduced to an entirely new Homeshake than what I had come to expect. Instead, I learned of a Homeshake who was quick to express his love for pop and trap and who had come to find joy in making music entirely on his own terms.  

OTW: Any plans while you’re in town?

Sagar: Um, I got a lot of friends that live out here.  

OTW: Yeah, you have Mac out here, right?

Sagar: Mhm, yep. We had tacos with him last night.  

OTW: So, speaking of this whole set up. Pretty cool venue to play, right?

Sagar: Yeah, I like it. I really like this kind of museum, there’s one in Edmonton, and I used to always love it. I loved going there on school trips. Specifically, I liked the animal dioramas with all the weird … what’s it called? What is this stuff? Dead animal stuff?

OTW: Taxidermy?  

Sagar: Taxidermy! Yeah, all the taxidermy displays. So sweet.

OTW: Yeah, I used to go on school trips here a lot growing up. Have you played any cooler venues?

Sagar: I don’t know. All the venues, all the memories disappear.  

OTW: I want to say that I love all of your album artwork and everything that’s associated with it. I’m very embarrassed, but I’m wearing one of your shirts right now. My girlfriend gave me so much shit when I was leaving the house. I know your partner Salina does all your artwork. How does that collaboration come about?  

Sagar: Well, it just worked out very well because we’ve been together for like nine years. She started helping me make covers and stuff while we were still living in Edmonton, and a couple of times I would tell her an idea of what I thought looked good, but that never worked out well. So, I generally just let her do whatever she wants. It’s the best way. It’s the best way to just let Salina do whatever she wants, and it will be amazing.  

OTW: And does she just listen to the album and go from there?  

Sagar: I think so! She asks me if I have any ideas and I’m like, “No, we’re not going there. You can just figure it out.” And then it’s always perfect.

OTW: So, in the early days when you were first releasing music as Homeshake, you were still touring with Mac right? Was there a turning point when you decided that you wanted to fully devote yourself to Homeshake?

Sagar: Yeah, I was just in a very dark place and it was sort of just a never-ending tour schedule. Then trying to balance that and Homeshake and my relationship, it was just impossible. So, one had to go, so I choose Salina and myself.  

OTW: That was a good choice.

Sagar: Yeah, I think so. It worked out well.

OTW: So, now that with each new release you're growing a similar cult following. Do you ever worry about not being able to balance everything?

Sagar: No, I’m in control now. So, things only happen as I want them to. The difficulty with Mac was just that I had no control really because everyone else was down for everything, and I wasn’t going to be the wet blanket all the time. I still was. Now I just choose everything, so that’s why we tour so little.  

OTW: So, you’re originally from Edmonton, but then moved to Montreal and that’s where you adopted the name Homeshake. I saw that you just let go of all your other projects at that point. What were the earliest days of Homeshake like?

Sagar: We lived in a really small apartment in Montreal, and it wasn’t even cheap enough for how small it was, it was so shitty. We were there for like two years out of just laziness. I would make stuff on some really, really bad gear in my living room, and then I recorded some stuff in Mac’s living room. I recorded some stuff in a studio that I ended up renting and rehearsing at for a long time. It was just like slow, because I would be working on it and then suddenly have to go on tour for like seven months. So yeah, everything just took a long time.

OTW: What is the creative industry like in Montreal, as opposed to places like Los Angeles?  

Sagar: I mean, I don’t really know what it’s like here. It’s like all famous people, right? Everybody is famous? Every person in LA is famous?

OTW: Every single one. Yeah, just in this lobby alone. (laughs)

Sagar: (laughs) In Montreal the majority of it varies from neighborhood to neighborhood. Like there’s a lot of intense punk kids, but I don’t go there. But most of the musicians I know are DJs, everyone’s a fucking DJ in Montreal, and that’s fine. But yeah, it’s a lot of parties and a lot of raves, and I don’t participate in any of it all.

OTW: Not a big raver?

Sagar: No, I like dance music a lot. I like electronic music, but I don’t participate. I don’t know what Montreal is like anymore, I checked out. Not interested, really.

OTW: Speaking on your own music, it’s obviously very R&B driven which seems so different from your influences, well you have a lot of influences, but you like top 40s, trap, Migos…

Sagar: Mmm yeah, I love Migos.

OTW: Yeah, Migos are amazing. Have you always loved R&B, or did that come at a certain point?

Sagar: I wasn’t into it when I was younger, but when I was a kid, like the late 90s, early 2000s, I would watch everything that was on MTV, and like 80% of the music videos were R&B. So, I knew all the songs, and it was kind of like a guilty thing. I liked guitars, and I thought those were cool. So, I was wrong obviously (laughs). So that stuff was always kind of like inside my brain. And then it was actually Salina that kind of drew it out of me because she has a very encyclopedic knowledge of ‘90s R&B. It takes her a long time to remember whatever it is, but she always knows the song. It’s all her. I just steal the things she likes. (laughs)

OTW: So, speaking of Fresh Air, I read that name for the album came from smoking weed and just stepping out onto the balcony for fresh air. I wasn’t sure if that serious or not…

Sagar: Yeah.

OTW: Are there any other inspirations behind Fresh Air besides just good weed?

Sagar: (laughs) I don’t know, they all kind of have something. Most of the songs are pretty specific. I would have to look at a list of them and think about it for a really long time.

OTW: One thing that I really like about your music is what I’m guessing is vocal modulation. Particularly, the ones that kick off each album. They remind me of those rap skits from old hip-hop albums for. Where did that come from?  

Sagar: I don’t know, I just like sped-up and slowed-down voices. I used to record everything on cassette. And I would just always slow it down, speed it up. The regular speed is really boring. Yeah, I love high voices and low voices. I think they are kind of funny and kind of scary. So yeah, I’m not sure where I lifted it from. I just used to listen to a lot of screw tapes, so that probably gave me the idea. It’s certainly not an original idea by any means.

OTW: Well, you do it well for sure.

Sagar: (laughs) Thank you.

OTW: I also wanted to talk about how outspoken you are about political issues. As an artist with a platform, do you feel there’s a certain responsibility to be as outspoken?  

Sagar: Yeah, like I’m no expert. I don’t know all the details. You know, we are all stuck in the infinite scroll looking at headlines, but then you have to keep scrolling. It’s also like inescapable shit, so I kind of slowed down on it because it was such a constant inundating flow of information. It just feels like white noise at this point. Yeah, you kind of have to make your opinions clear, because what if I never did and then a bunch of Nazis liked me? That’s my fucking nightmare. So, I did an interview that came out at the beginning of Fresh Air and some of it was about how I got into some arguments online with some fucking alt-right losers that had previously liked my music, but now no longer do and that was good. It’s good to shed the trash from your life.  

OTW: Do you think you’d ever make a protest song or anything along those lines?

Sagar: No. (laughs) I can only sing about myself being like a sad loser. I could never take on real issues like that.

OTW: Do you have any favorite protest songs or albums?

Sagar: My favorite band until I was like seventeen was Rage Against The Machine. The other day we were in Texas, and I just was craving Rage Against The Machine, so we listened to some on the way back to the venue and had it at full blast as we pulled up in front, like cutting through the line of kids outside. It was kind of embarrassing, but it was amazing.

OTW: Such a good time.

Sagar: God, I love them.  

OTW: I mean, hopefully, they’ll come back one day soon.

Sagar: Yeah, Tom Morello is the greatest guitarist of all time.

OTW: So, I have definitely used a lot of your songs for mix tapes for friends and it definitely got me a girlfriend or two I’d say, so thank you for that. It just has such a vibe to it. What would you say is the ideal setting to listen to your music in?

Sagar: Just a relaxing one for whoever is listening to it. The place where I can write from is wherever I’m most relaxed and calm. That’s, I guess, why I don’t make like weird, screechy, angsty music or anything. I like comfort and solitude. So that’s probably what it would lend itself to the best.

OTW: And is your songwriting typically one of solitude?

Sagar: Yeah, I haven’t collaborated with anyone in a long time. I had for the three records I put out. I had guys running the board and helping me mix and stuff, but I write alone. I don’t remember what it’s like to collaborate with people. I’ve been trying to do that lately, and it’s been a real struggle. It’s like, “I don’t know what you want.” (laughs) I’m just really selfish. I was trying to produce for some people, just passing some things around, but I never want to give out the ones I really like, I want to keep it for myself. Yeah, very alone in it.

OTW: Just a sad lonely boy.

Sagar: (laughs) Yeah, something lame like that.

OTW: So, I know you’ve mentioned Fresh Air existing as part of a trilogy, with the first albums being the first parts of the trilogy, but there is still more Homeshake to come right?

Sagar: Oh yeah, I’m always working on more stuff. I was recording up until the day we came here, in between the Texas tour and before that. One of my most essential music machines at the moments is really on the fritz, and I think I have to like ship it back to its maker to get it fixed, so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do for like three weeks while that’s happening. It’s freaking me out.  

OTW: So, what’s the plan to make music until then? 

Sagar: Oh, I don’t know, I’ll just have to use something else to make it. I just won’t be able to use my sampler drum machine which is the core of what I’m working on right now. I don’t know, I guess I’ll just make ambient music until it gets back.

OTW: I heard at one point you did want to make a droney ambient project.

Sagar: Yeah, I like that but when I try I don’t think I’m very good at it. There’s a real textural ASMR thing to that, and I need to work on it.  

OTW: Who are your Ones To Watch?

Sagar: One is definitely Un Blonde from Montreal. They’re very, very, very spectacular. Let me just scroll through the old music thing here. Yeah, he’s an amazing songwriter, Jean who’s like the center of that project. Oh God, I only listen to like super pop music these days (laughs). I really like Yves Tumor, I don’t know how small he is, but he should be bigger. He makes spooky, weird shit that I like a lot. Mmm, I know I’ve got friends.  

OTW: Anyone in the band make music? 

Sagar: Yeah! Brad is the lead-guitarist in another band called Nap Eyes. I feel bad because they’re on tour without him in Europe right now, but he’s here with us. So definitely shout out to Nap Eyes because I just took their fucking guitar player. Greg used to play drums for a lot of bands, but he moved from Montreal to the woods in BC now. I don’t know. I’ve totally isolated myself from everybody around me in Montreal, so I don’t even know what any of them are doing anymore. Oh God, very crazy reality check.  

OTW: Having an existential crisis right now?

Sagar: (laughs) Yeah, a little bit. I don’t know, I do like a monthly NTS show where I put all the weird stuff that I like. So, my ones to watch are whoever I played on it that last month.

OTW: Oh one quick last question. What’s your favorite dinosaur? 

Sagar: Brontasaurses. I’ve always loved the absolutely massive ones.

[davidmann95]

Top 10 batman writers?

With particularly honorable mentions to Steve Englehart (his Batman wasn’t itself up my alley - though his Joker is another story altogether - but his significance is undeniable), Greg Rucka, Jeph Loeb (Hush was fun, dangit! Or at least it was fun to young entry-level DC reader me, which I understand has been its general underappreciated function over the years among fans), Peter Milligan, and Matt Wagner, as well as Dwayne McDuffie and Christopher Nolan outside of comics:

10. Scott Snyder

This’ll be a controversial one, no doubt about that. Look, Scott Snyder is easily one of my favorite superhero writers out there, and his Batman run is a favorite of mine. But judged as a Batman run specifically as opposed to a rip-roaring superhero book in general, his take is rather…specific. As he develops his voice on the character, his Bruce Wayne moves further and further into the territory of beleaguered 80s action hero, constantly freaking out and in over his head but always ready with a fast quip and a solid fist. His grasp of Batman’s thematic underpinnings is second to none, but while his execution of those ideas is just about always a blast, it’s surprisingly rare it feels on-point for the character as he’s existed elsewhere over 78 years. But I still can’t exclude the dude who wrote Court of Owls and Zero Year.

9. Bill Finger

Finger makes it by default; while I’m surprised myself that I’m putting him so low, that in and of itself is only a testament to the versatility and enduring power of the world and themes he built. But make no mistake, he’s not just here as a matter of being grandfathered in: aside from being one of the best done-and-one adventure writers Batman ever had, stories like The Origin Of Batman and Robin Dies At Dawn pack an emotional punch that resonate to this day.

8. Denny O’Neil

About as close as you can get to the founder of Batman as we know him today, aside from maybe my next pick. O’Neil hasn’t batted a hundred over the years, but when he’s on-point he’s as good as it gets, swinging between giddy pulp adventure and pitch-black noir that set the definitive template for what it is we expect out of Batman, and his interactions with several of his most important loved ones and enemies.

7. Frank Miller

In terms of characterization, Miller’s Batman is maybe best thought of in the same terms as the Golden Age comics - instrumental to Bruce Wayne as we understand him today, but recognizably not quite that guy yet. But Miller energized, mythologized, or outright invented a truly staggering degree of the fundamentals of Batman’s world, punctuated by moments of pure, distilled Batman-as-unstoppable-vengeance, whether hauling two hundred and twenty pounds of sociopath to the top of the highest tower in Gotham, bursting in on an upper-class mob meeting to deliver his statement of intent, or recalling what it takes to make the world make sense as he drives his best friends’ face into the Crime Alley pavement, with just enough humanity in there (accepting and nurturing Carrie Kelly as Robin, telling the kid not to swear, saving the cat in Year One and stopping a punk from falling off a fire escape and catching a beating for it) to keep it palatable.

6. Alan Brennert

If Miller defined the myth of Batman as we know it today, Brennert was the unsung hero who gave him his heart. While his work was minimal, the weight it carries in certain circles can’t be overstated - his Batman was emotionally raw like none before and few after, confronted with his traumas and the walls he had built around himself, and forced to confront himself and his relationships or lose everything. For The Autobiography Of Bruce Wayne alone, Brennert handily secures his place among the greats.

5. Darwyn Cooke

Cooke didn’t do a tremendous amount with Batman before his passing in terms of writing, but what there is is work for the ages. With his recreation of Night of the Stalker! he captures Batman at his brutal, haunting noir best, but it’s with Ego that his seizes his position in the top five with a comprehensive, insightful, and truly spooky look at the center of Bruce Wayne’s mind that says more about Batman with a single one-shot that most of his writers do in their entire careers.

4. Paul Dini

If you’re talking about drawing the straightest line between a writers work towards Batman as we know him today, perhaps no one has more of a claim to fame than Paul Dini. One of the braintrust behind Batman: The Animated Series and later a writer on the main books, he’s been behind armfuls of iconic, fan-favorite Batman stories of every genre permutation that solidified the caped crusader as we know him today: stoic, determined, brilliant, compassionate, and possessed of a jet-black wit that while sparsely deployed perfectly offset the horror surrounding him on all sides. Kevin Conroy is the Batman we all hear in our heads, and Dini put some of his best lines in his mouth before taking that skill to an underrated run on Detective Comics that deserves a spot among the greats.

3. Warren Ellis

EDIT: This was written prior to allegations against Ellis. While I’m not changing the list as this is a reflection of how I felt as I was making it, and the actions of the author don’t change the quality of the material now that it’s out in the universe, that qualification feels necessary.

I’ll be upfront with all of you: I am as surprised as anyone that Ellis is placing so high here. Hell, his first Batman story, a two-parter in Legends of the Dark Knight early in his career, was notably lackluster by his usual standards, and it makes up a significant percentage of his output (even if you count his Moon Knight run with Declan Shalvey as de facto Batman comics, which I absolutely do). But I thought about his other Batman stories - the first-ever Black and White feature with Jim Lee, and the Planetary crossover - and asked myself one by one, “are you better than X writer’s entire cumulative, often revolutionary Batman output?” And dammit if the answer didn’t keep being “yes”. What it comes down to is that he is to Batman as Garth Ennis is to Superman: a writer without much love for the superhero genre (though Ellis seems to have come to terms with it as a perfectly acceptable storytelling delivery system, as opposed to Ennis’s more pronounced disdain) who in a couple fits and spurts found the one character they seem capable of genuinely investing in, and whether people noticed it or not absolutely rocked it beyond comprehension in their time with them. Ellis found through Batman a perfect conduit for his righteous anger with the cruelties of the world, nailing his cunning, his cool demeanor, his vicious humor, his anger, his sympathy, his ability to inspire fear and awe in equal measure, and in the best Batman scene of all time, he articulated better than any writer before or after him why Bruce Wayne fights, and what for. Combined with his Moon Knight as a window as to how he might handle the character on a month-by-month basis that became an all-time great run unto itself, plus his excellent showing in Ellis’s arc of JLA Classified, and I just can’t make myself rank him any lower than this.

2. Tom King

The newest entry to the list, Tom King already had plenty of love when he came onboard thanks to Grayson, Omega Men, and Vision, but he was stepping into some of the most titanic shoes in the industry in Scott Snyder’s wake. But not only did he live up to that standard, he’s soared far beyond, with a thoroughly human and determinedly unconventional look at the degree to which Bruce has hindered himself emotionally for the sake of his mission and the toll of a neverending war on his mind. Ranging from fist-pumpingly cool to unrelentingly grim, profound to self-consciously silly, and managing to be soul-curdlingly cold and shamelessly tender in equal measure, Tom King not only finds the heart of Batman as few others have, but does so through one of the characters’ boldest, most technically spectacular, and refreshingly honest runs.

1. Grant Morrison

Just as much as he is with Superman, Grant Morrison simply is The Batman Writer. I’ve written at extensive length on his work here before, so in short: Morrison’s Batman is the best run a major Big Two character has ever received by miles and one of the best in comics period. He writes Batman as a mystery, as a thriller, as a pulp action romp, as sci-fi, as psychedelic spy warfare, as pure superheroics, as lurid horror, and as one man’s attempt to transcend himself through the ideal his symbol embodies and its ability to inspire others. He played with the symbols and themes underpinning Bruce Wayne like none other, he not only perfectly nailed Batman’s character but imposed a character arc over the whole of his publishing history, he touched on every corner of his world while carving out entirely new and unique spaces, and he left behind an honest-to-god epic that’s visibly influenced every major comics take since. There is simply no comparison of his work to anyone else’s, and I sincerely question if there ever will be - even more than his work defined Superman for me (and his Superman work includes my absolute favorite work of fiction period), his Batman is the Batman that lives in my head.

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

Seventeen

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Some swearing 

Word Count: 4, 776

Summary: Sharing a birthday on top of a life-long friendship, there are five times on that special day where Peter Parker and the reader almost kiss, and perhaps there’s one time it’ll actually happen?

Masterlist

A/N: I’ve been meaning to write a fic based off this awesome song and it ended up being one of those ‘five times + one’ things, as well as hella long cus ya girl is Extra AF™. I haven’t written for this sweet cinnamon roll in a while so I hope it’s not too awful!

Seventeen by Alessia Cara

My daddy says that life comes at you fast

We all like blades of grass

We come to prime and in time we just wither away

And it all changes

My view with a looking glass won’t catch the past

Only photographs remind us of the passing of days

“Look that’s you!” you exclaim as you point at your best friend in the photograph while looking at him with wide eyes. Looking back at the photo, his cheeks and hands are chubbier, and his head seems slightly too big for his body, but it’s obviously Peter Parker. His big brown eyes and wide smile haven’t changed.

You and him are dressed up like pirates and you feel like you’ve stumbled upon the greatest treasure as you two flip through albums you’ve just found in his parents’ room. The pair of you were scouring the house when you saw the colorful binders perfectly lined up on his parents’ bookshelf.

“And look!” Peter gasps, the tip of his finger landing on another picture across the page, his arm almost smacking you in the face on its way there. “It’s us!” You two start giggling at the smaller and chubbier versions of you laughing on baby swings as your father pushes both of you. As soon as you see the photo right below it, you deem it your favorite. Peter’s face is pressed up against yours as he hugs you tightly, slightly lifting you off the ground so that there’s no height difference.

“Whoa!” You cry out, after noticing a picture of his parents kissing.

“What is it?” Peter looks at you, his head tilted to the side.

“Look at what your mommy and daddy are doing!” Pointing this out sends both of you into a fit of giggles and covering up the photo with your little hands.

“What do you think that’s like?” he asks after you’ve settled down.

“What?”

“Kissing on the lips.”

“I don’t know! That’s for mommies and daddies!” His question elicits more giggles from you and has you rolling on the floor.

“Hey! Stop laughing at me!” he pouts, arms crossed over his chest as he stands over you.

“I’m sorry, Peter.” You suddenly stop laughing and get up to hug him. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” You pull back and smile at him expectantly. When he just stares at you without saying anything, you let out an impatient huff. “Well? You wanted to try didn’t you?” He blinks a few times before hesitantly leaning towards you.

“There are the birthday pirates!” Peter’s father enters the room, wearing an eye patch and silly birthday hat that has a big '5’ on it. You spring apart, instinctively reaching for your toy swords at the sound of the door opening.“What are you kids doing up here? There’s a party going on downstairs!” He looks at the mess of albums sprawled all over the floor and chuckles as he begins picking them off the floor. “How about you two head back down while I clean up the little mess you’ve made. Everyone’s waiting for you to blow out your candles,” he beams at both of you, sending you back to join the party.

Peter runs after you, following you out of the room, only for you to stop abruptly after getting past the doorframe. Before he realizes what’s happening, you quickly peck him on the cheek and run off, leaving him dazed and grinning widely.

Oh nothing stays the same from yesteryears

See I recall being afraid of the dark

And holding on to teddy bears

I’d wrap myself in blankets just to cover me from fears

That was then and now I’m here

And the night is mine

It’s you and Peter’s first girl/boy sleepover party and everyone has fallen asleep after crashing from the sugar high. All of your friends are tucked away in their sleeping bags all over the living room while your parents sleep in their own room.

You wake up abruptly; your hair resembles a haystack and you’re squeezing your teddy bear so tight, your little arm hurts. The nightmare is already forgotten, but you still feel terrified. You quietly slip out of your sleeping bag and you’re about to go to your parents room when you hear a small voice call your name.

“Hey, where are you going?” A groggy Peter sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. You look back at him, the faint light reflecting off your tear-streaked cheeks.

“I had a bad dream,” you squeak. “Peter, I’m scared.”

He springs up from his spot, immediately padding over to you, knowing about your fear of the dark on top of the nightmare you’ve just had. Peter’s always come to your rescue just like you would do for him. His hand finds your smaller one and he leads you through the dark hallway to the kitchen. “Come, let’s get some milk.”

Sharing Oreos and milk have become a tradition of yours and Peter’s when you can’t sleep or if you’ve had a bad dream during sleepovers. Your parents don’t know of course, because they wouldn’t let you two have sweets this late at night. However, they did often voice their suspicions about gremlins sneaking into the cupboards the next day.

After placing back the chair you had dragged out to reach the box of cookies, you take your seat next to Peter. He expertly splits a cookie and peels the icing off, placing it on top of your Oreo because he knows how much you love the icing. You clink cookies before dipping them in your glasses of milk.

Having left the mess on the table, you stop Peter before he tows you into the darkness. “Peter wait!”

“What is it, Y/N?” You speak in hushed tones.

“It’s really dark,” you mutter, one hand holding his and the other clutching your bear close to your body for comfort.

“It’s okay, Y/N, I’m here,” he beams at you, placing his other hand carefully to have your sandwiched between his like he’s caught a butterfly. He lifts your conjoined hands and presses a little kiss to the back of yours. Your tummy suddenly feels funny, but you don’t feel sick, and all you can do is match his wide grin.

“Look, Y/N!” One of his hands lets go of yours as he points to the clock’s digits that glow from across the room. “We’re eight-years-old now!”

My mother said don’t forget where you come from, where you’ve been

Always keep your closest friends they can’t slip away

They keep you grounded

Oh keep yourself surrounded with good advice

And yeah I guess that sounded nice when I was ten

Cooties aren’t really your concern anymore, but boys are still considered gross. Regardless, both of your best friends happen to be boys, so the mean girls in your class make fun of you by association. To make matters worse, other kids generally picked on Peter and Ned for being more into books than sports. Needless to say, you three were always the last picked when it came to making dodge ball teams and ate it real bad during the games. But today is your birthday and you’re not taking any of it.

So far the day had been going pretty well; the class sang 'happy birthday’ to you and Peter, and your teacher handed out yummy muffins she bakes whenever it’s someone’s birthday. Alas, like every other day, today was no different when it came to lunch time.

“Hey look everyone it’s the three muska-dorks!” Flash shouts out and everyone else around you laughs like they always do. You don’t get it; his jokes aren’t even clever. “And there’s Y/N you can’t even tell she’s a girl!”

You stick your tongue out at him, Ned keeps his eyes glued to the floor and stays quiet like he usually does, but for some reason Peter stopped in his tracks. His fist are clenched so tight that his knuckles have gone white and you can see the veins protruding from his skinny arms where his sleeves are rolled up. He looks like he’s struggling to get the words out of his mouth and Flash’s taunts aren’t helping.

“What are you going to do? Penis Parker!” The whole cafeteria erupts in laughter at the dumb nickname.

You take a step towards Peter and snap him out of his angry daze. “Come on, Peter.” When he doesn’t budge you grab his hand and tow him away from the scene. Flash can be heard shouting out his less-than-witty comments as you leave.

Ned is first to sit on the grass and open up his lunch under the tree where the three of you always have lunch when it’s nice out. You and Peter are about to join him when you hear those aforementioned mean girls who have clearly spotted you and him holding hands. “Peter and Y/N sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I—”

“Oh would you grow up!” You shout at them, letting go of Peter’s hand.

“Look! Nerdy Ned’s had another accident!” one girl points out. You turn to see Ned who struggles with cleaning up the food he’s spilled on his pants.

“And it’s Penis Parker!”

“Leave them alone!” You snap at her.

“Why? Boys are gross and so are you.” Their leader marches up and leans in a little too close for comfort. “Especially Penis Parker and Nerdy Ned.”

“Oh, bug off Piper!” You snarl, pushing yourself up on your toes to get real close to her stupid, stuck-up face. There is no way you’re going to back down from the girl who’s been relentlessly picking on you and your friends every chance she gets. You’ve always been told not to stoop to her level, but the girl needs to be taken down a notch. You lean in to whisper in her ear so that her minions can’t hear. “Everyone knows you peed your pants last year and you should count yourself lucky that no one’s calling you Peed Piper.” She quickly pulls back gasping in horror and you smirk. “So call them Penis Parker or Nerdy Ned again—”

“You wouldn’t!”

“She would,” Ned pipes up from behind you, knowing exactly what you told her.

“You better watch your back, Y/N.” With that, she lets out a huff and stamps her foot before leaving with the other girls following behind her.

You look back at Peter grinning. “I don’t think those girls are going to bother us anymore.”

He smiles back at you. “There’s still Flash though, and the rest of the school.”

“Let’s take it one villain at a time,” you say as you take your seat with your friends.

Peter holds out half his sandwich to you, which you gladly take and you give him half of yours like you always do. Sharing food is technically not allowed, but it’s something you and him have always done. When you hand him your half, his hand lingers on yours, leaving you with a tingly feeling when he says, “Thank you, Y/N.”

You know those snooty girls are wrong because boys aren’t so gross after all…

Oh but never were there truer words

In all my days I’ve ever heard

And when she told me little girl the answer is love

So those are words that I keep with me

Though the seasons change so quickly

Keep them buried in my heart

And never fought

Paper plates with cake crumbs and wrapping paper along with ribbons and tissue paper are being taken out to the trash by your father while Aunt May and your mother fuss over you and Peter to make sure you look perfect for the photos they’re about to take. They finally deem you picture worthy and step back with hands clasped to admire their work.

“Oh you two just look so good!” Aunt May practically squeals. “Ben, honey, go get the camera!”

Uncle Ben comes back with the camera, the blinding flash going off with a click before you and Peter can register that pictures are being taken. You’re certain that the first few photos are going to look ridiculous. Peter has an awkward smile plastered on his face and neither of you has an idea how to pose.

“Put an arm around her!” Uncle Ben physically comes up behind you to place Peter’s arm around your shoulders. You know for sure now that all the photos are going to be cringe-worthy. Peter feels like every single one of his muscles are tensed up and you’re as stiff as a doll as you snake your arm around his back in an attempt to look more natural. You and Peter had lots of pictures together, but this is a school dance and your parents are making way too big a deal out of it like they do every time which is both stressful and embarrassing.

The doorbell rings and the clicking stops as May and your mother go to check who it is. Your poor face can finally take a break from the forced smiles. “Ned’s here!” May shouts form the door. “Let’s get all three of them!”

Peter turns to you looking like he’s in pain. “You mean it’s not over yet?”

“I promise we’ll survive this,” You chuckle at him, wrapping your arms around him in a comforting hug. Ned proves to make the photo session significantly less painful as the three of you start taking ridiculous poses, laughing and smiling genuinely.

You’re eventually released from your captivity and you’ve now entered the school gym that’s been totally transformed. You don’t even have time to finish your drink before Ned drags you and Peter into the crowd where you have a blast dancing with your best friends. The music might not be your personal preference, but it’s upbeat and having fun with your friends is what matters more than the music choices of a bunch of fourteen-year-olds. A few songs in, Ned has to go to the bathroom claiming he “should not have chugged those two cups of punch,” and like clockwork, just as he exits the gym the current song ends.

You and Peter are left standing there awkwardly in front of one another as the music is changed to a much slower pace. Couples have started holding each other and swaying to the music around you, and you feel like there’s a spotlight shining on you and Peter. Your heart rate spikes and you wish the floor would swallow you up as you look to Peter who keep his gaze locked on his fidgeting hands that have become clammy. Your eyes desperately scan around the room for some sort of escape or inspiration to say something instead of staying frozen like an idiot.

Taking a step closer to your best friend you finally speak up, “This song sucks, huh?” You mentally slap yourself because you should have just kept your mouth shut.

“You really hate it that much?” Peter lifts his focus to your eyes and you instantly feel more comfortable at the familiar sight. Despite all the colorful lights flashing around, you still see his warm, chocolate hues clear as day.

“Oh- uh- no-” you stammer, successfully making an even bigger fool out of yourself. “I just didn’t know how to make this less awkward- and you know me—”

“Yeah, I do know you,” he chuckles.

“Don’t make fun of me Parker.” You narrow your eyes at him and poke him playfully.

“So, uh, should we dance— like together?” he suggests. It’s not really what you were expecting; honestly you thought he would offer to go get punch or any other way to get away from anymore potential awkwardness, but here he is asking you if he can put his arms around you and hold you close. Any possible feelings you have for the boy who stands before you haven’t been giving much thought because he’s Peter Parker; one of your two best friends and the boy you used to take baths with. You know he probably just meant it platonically, since it is just dancing after all— what could it possibly change? But you also can’t get the image out of your head nor can you get rid of the butterflies it brings to your stomach.

“I guess so.” Yeah, let’s keep it short and sweet to avoid any more damage.

Peter takes a hesitant step towards you, reducing the foot of space between to mere inches. You avoid his gaze as you lift your arms to place them around his neck. The actions are reluctant, but once your arms rest comfortably over his shoulders and his hands find their place in the middle of your back, it feels like home; as though you were somehow meant to be close like this. Peter lets out the breath he had been holding in the whole time and starts swaying to the slow rhythm, your body following his. You let him take the lead as you begin to spin slowly like the two of you are in your own orbit and everyone else disappears. It all feels overwhelming, but natural.

Maybe things could change for the best. Starting high school was already going to be a big change and that might make you feel super nervous, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if things were different with Peter. Here goes nothing. You lift your head from where it had laid on his shoulder and look into his eyes. “Peter?”

“Yeah?” His face is so close to yours that you have to look at him through your lashes to avoid bumping foreheads.

“I—” You stop yourself after the first syllable leaves your mouth because Ned pops out of nowhere.

“Hey! Are you guys dating now?” He looks back and forth between you and Peter. How in the hell are you supposed to react to that? You and Peter scramble away from each other and avoid eye contact at all costs as you both stumble through incomprehensible sentences.

“She- uh- we were just, ah—”

“We weren’t, um- it was—”

“Just dancing?” Ned says with an eyebrow raised and a twinge of doubt in his voice.

“Yeah…” You and Peter agree in unison, although Ned picks up on the fact that it’s dragged out longer than it should be and definitely doesn’t sound sure.

You mentally thank the DJ when the painfully long song finally ends. You grab both your friends and start dancing to the new song that has a faster beat, leaving the awkward moment behind. However, you would be lying if you said you didn’t think about the way you felt with Peter’s arms around you for the rest of the night.

I been goin on, I been growin up

I’m a know it all, I don’t know enough

See I was racing and waiting for the day that I would be old enough

Guess I’ll be patient and pace myself gotta prepare for when goings rough

You’ve just hung streamers from the ceiling and view the scene before you from where you stand on your stool. Your parents are setting the table, Aunt May is putting up the last of the decorations, and Michelle and Ned are adding the candles to the cake you’ve baked.

You notice that Peter’s been MIA for the past few minutes, so you head to his room to check up on him. The door creaks as you crack it open, peeking through to see Peter wiping furiously at his cheeks with his shirtsleeves and stammering, “W-Who is it?”

“It’s okay, Peter, it’s me,” you reply, entering his room and softly closing the door behind you. He turns so that his back faces you, ashamed to be seen like this. “Hey, it’s okay.” You take a seat next to him on his bed and place a hand on his shoulder to them pull him into a tight hug. It’s your birthday and his birthday; he knows he shouldn’t be making it a sad occasion, but Uncle Ben was always there, and this is just another reminder that he’s gone.

He wants to protest, feeling guilty about being a downer, but the words get lost in the sob that escapes him and he gives in to your embrace. His arms squeeze you back so tight you can barely breathe and his tears fall on your shoulder, soaking through your shirt, but you don’t even notice, instead basking in his warmth.

He pulls back, eyes red and puffy, and arms still loosely wrapped around your waist. “I’m sorry, Y/n—”

“Peter,” you stop him. Your fingers absentmindedly play with the locks at the nape of his neck, soothing him. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I-It’s just that- it’s the first one without him—”

“I know.” His glassy eyes bore into yours as you lean your forehead on his and whisper softly to him, “I know, Peter, and it’s okay.”

You wipe away a stray tear and your thumb lingers on his cheek, stroking over his skin. Your breaths mix, and you can’t help but allowing your eyes to dart down to his lips, looking back up to see him focused on yours. The only thing that separates your lips from his are an inch of space filled with unsorted and unresolved feelings, but also holds so much potential and hope. He hesitantly starts to close the distance, and your breath has just hitched at the realization that this might actually be happening, when you’re interrupted by Aunt May calling you from the kitchen.

“Y/N! Peter! It’s party time!”

All within a split second, both you and Peter’s eyes widen, and you jump up from his bed, turning away from each other to cover your blushing faces. It takes you some time to register what was actually about to happen. Were you really just about to kiss Peter— the Peter Parker; your life-long best friend?

“So, uh…” He walks up to you, cheeks red and awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“Y-Yeah!” You snap out of your thoughts, chuckling nervously, “We have a party to get to!”

“Yup, it’s right there- right down the hall,” he says quickly, motioning to the hallway.

“Wait!” You call out before he can open the door. He turns back to you with his eyes wide with surprise and you’re pretty sure your imagining the slight glimmer of hope, so you push that theory to the side. “Your face.”

“What’s wrong with my face?!” He looks at you incredulously.

“Oh I didn’t mean that,” you laugh as you walk up to him. You give him a once over after wiping his face for any remaining traces of tears. “All right, you’re good to go.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he smiles at you before leading the way out.

The walk down the hall to get to the kitchen is short, but it feels like an eternity for the tension to dissipate. Walking shoulder to shoulder, it’s impossible not to think about what just happened— what almost happened. And what about Peter? You hope this birthday won’t make him feel worse, maybe it’ll make him feel—

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Everyone shouts in unison as Ned and Michelle release a confetti popper each.

In that moment, Peter grins so widely it’s like he’s forgotten about everything that’s ever gone wrong in his life, and you know this was a good idea after all. As you and him blow out the fifteen candles that adorn the cake, his mind goes blank and doesn’t make a wish. Seeing the dazzling smile you beam at him assures him that he already has everything he wants.

All except for one thing.

So hear me scream

I was too young to understand what it means

I couldn’t wait til I could be seventeen

I thought she lied when she said “take my time to breathe”

Now I wish I could freeze the time at seventeen

The time really flew by, you realize when you glance up at the clock. Peter and Ned should have been back an hour ago. As soon as school finished, the pair disappeared without a word other than a text from Peter saying that something came up with his Stark internship and that it wouldn’t take too long.

Yet here you are still waiting for them four hours later with Michelle, Aunt May, and your family with their dinner having gone cold and the cake still waiting to have its candles lit. Everyone is talking in your living room but you step away at regular intervals to check if they were at your door. You sent both of them a dozen messages and lost count of the amount of times you calls went unanswered. Ned had finally answered one of your calls a little over an hour ago and assured you they should be arriving any minute now. Just as you’re about to call again, your two best friends come tumbling through the front door completely disheveled. Ned has all but collapsed to the floor heaving, and Peter is a whole other story.

“Peter, what the fuck happened?!” His shirt is buttoned wrong, his hair is combed down alright but you can tell it was done in a rush because there are a lot of strays, his hands are battered, and his face looks like it was used as someone’s personal punching bag.

“Language!” your mother shouts from behind you.

“I -It’s nothing!”

“Bullshit.” Your voice is much lower and carries the type of calm that terrifies Peter.

“Language!” Apparently your mother can hear everything.

“That is not nothing!” Aunt May approaches Peter, cupping his face in her hands as he winces in pain. She whispers something in his ear to which he responds to with a nod before they distance themselves a little more to speak in hushed tones. This wasn’t the first time you’ve seen him like this. Ever since Uncle Ben died, you knew Peter was lying to you about something. Ned, Michelle, and Aunt May all seemed to know whatever it was you didn’t and you’re sick of being out of the loop. You wanted to give him the time he needed and trusted that he would tell you, but over two years later, it’s been long enough.

Aunt May sees you coming and shushes Peter. She gives you a sympathetic smile and a hug before leaving the two of you alone.

“Peter what the hell is going on?” You’re whispering, but you sound more pissed than the time you caught Flash stealing Ned’s homework.

“Y/N, please, you have to understand—”

“No,” you snap. Scanning over his face again you can feel your chest cave in a little at the sight of him. “No more lies, Peter.”

“I swear it’s no—”

“Do not say it’s nothing! I’ve been pressing ice packs to your bruises, cleaning your gashes, and I’ve placed too many band-aids on your cuts without asking questions for too long.” You feel the back of your eyes sting and air suddenly seems scarce.

“Y/N, Y/N, shhhhh,” Peter says softly as he wraps his arms around your shoulders to pull you into a comforting hug.

“Peter, what have you been hiding from me for the past two years?” You pull back and look down the hall to the kitchen where everyone is seated at the table, except for May who’s lighting the candles, moving the match from the '1’ to the '7’.  

“Okay… Just promise you won’t freak out,” he says reluctantly as he steps away and returns with his backpack.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, your mind jumps to the most ridiculous conclusions. He and Ned didn’t get themselves in trouble with some sort of drug ring or anything did they? Oh my god, what if they became part of one? What if—

“I’m Spider-Man.”

“Oh, Peter…” You glance down to the red and blue fabric showing through the pocket of his backpack he’s holding open.

“Please understand, I really, really wanted to tell you, because you mean the world to me,” He places a hand on either one of your shoulders. “And I need you in my life, which is exactly why I couldn’t tell you.”

“Peter, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” You don’t mean to sound hurt, although it might be coming out that way.

“Of course, I mean, who else is going to eat Oreos with me at two in the morning?” he chuckles. “I couldn’t find a way to tell you because everyone who knows is in danger. Spider-Man has pissed off a lot of people in the past two years, and too many people already know, I just- I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you; if you got hurt because of me I could never forgive myself.”

Only now do you realize how close in proximity the two of you have become while Peter spoke. You bring your hands up to lower his arms, but it’s like there’s some external force stopping them and they stay fixed at his waist, clinging to the material of his shirt. Your eyes can’t help but trail over his face, taking in all his features like it might the last time you’ll see him— which it very well could be judging by the purple crescent surrounding his left eye, the scratch on his cheekbone, and his split lip.

This moment right here, as painfully familiar as it is, you want to freeze it and live in it forever.

But you also know it has to end at some point so you force your eyes back up to meet his and break the silence before it turns awkward. “Do you know what you’re going to wish for this year?” You mentally slap yourself. Should’ve stuck with the awkward silence.

“Depends on what happens next.” He swallows nervously as his hands subconsciously slide up to your neck where they sweep your hair over your shoulder. When his tongue involuntarily darts out to swipe across his lower lip, you know it’s now or never.

“Happy birthday, Peter,” you whisper, a smile on your lips before you close the distance.

Tags: @coltcas ​

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