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atlafan · 4 years

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Open Door Policy - One Shot

a/n: so, I love a good professor!harry fic, but I don’t always love when he gets involved with a student, so y/n is his TA. He’s 26, and she’s 23, so not too weird, right? Anyways, this took me a few days to write, and I didn’t mean for it to be this long, but here we are. This is a slow burn fam, like...buckle up. Reblogs are always very kind and helpful! Not proofread.

Warnings: angst, fluff, and smut!

Words: 21.5K

It was Y/N’s second year in grad school. She knew how to handle her workload on top of still making time for fun. She was still able to go out to the bar, and party with her friends. However, she was serious about her research. She had a “big girl” apartment that she shared with two friends, each having their own room. Grad school was expensive, and even though she had a decent job working at the local café, it wasn’t enough to cover her bills. Luckily, she got a grant to be TA this semester, which was perfect because she was interested in teaching at a collegiate level at some point. Her excitement dwindled slightly when she got the email about what professor she’d be paired up with.

“Who is it?” Nessa asks, plopping down on the couch with her.

“Dr. Styles.” Y/N groans.

“Tell me, why is that a problem?” Charlotte asks, coming over with a bowl of popcorn so they could start their movie night. “He’s so fucking hot.”

“Exactly! How am I supposed to concentrate?! I had him my senior year for an elective and it was awful. I was flustered all the time. He’s such a nice guy too, I missed a class where we had a test and he let me make it up, no questions asked.”

“Great, so he’s a good professor to learn from.” Nessa says. “Oh, maybe you’ll get a closer look at some of his tattoos.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, Y/N, he’s only a few years older than us, you know?” Charlotte shrugs. “Maybe you’ll fall in love.” She teases her.

“Mhm, yeah, because I’m sure a guy who has his PhD in Computer Science is just dying to go out with a girl who’s only a TA so she can afford her last year of school.”

“What class are you even helping him with? You’re not specializing in CS.” Nessa says.

“Apparently it’s for the section of Web Expressions he teaches, that was the class I took with him. It was really easy, you just learn the basics of HTML and then build your own website.”

“Did you just say that was easy?” Nessa scoffs.

“My older sister ended up helping me a lot because she had a myspace back in the day, I guess you needed HTML for that.” Y/N shrugs. “It’ll be a good experience for me.”

“Okay, but you’re just specializing in Curriculum and Instruction, so-“

“Yeah, that involves Instructional Design, so I know about this stuff. I’m just not looking forward to doing it with him.” She sighs.

“Could be worse.” Charlotte smirks. “You could have gotten with some old fart who would let you flounder.”

“Very true.” She closes her laptop and sets it on the coffee table. “Alright, let’s get this HSM party started.”

A week later Y/N received an email from Dr. Styles to meet with her so they could discuss the class and make sure they were on the same page about the syllabus. She was a nervous wreck. Y/N used to avoid his office like the plague, too afraid to be alone with him. It’s not that Dr. Styles was a creep or ever put off any inappropriate vibes, he just had this sort of intimidating stare to him. Even when he’d laugh, seeing him soften was intimidating. The sound of his deep, raspy voice was almost a little too soothing, and she was obsessed with his sense of style. His nails were always painted different colors, and he had the cutest pair of round glasses that would sit on the tip of his nose.

Even though it was August, and still very hot out, Y/N wanted to make a good, professional impression. So, she decides on a pair of white slacks that have a tie in the front, a white tank top tucked in, and a navy blue three-quarter sleeve blazer. It was too humid to leave her hair down, so she puts it up in a cute, messy bun. She puts on a little makeup, grabs her laptop bag, and out the door she goes. She puts her sunglasses on immediately, almost getting blinded by the blazing sun.

She had never been in an academic building at this point in the summer. There were a few faculty puttering around, getting their offices situated for the semester. She smiles at a few of them as she takes her sunglasses off. She heads up to the third story where Dr. Styles’ office was. There was no a/c in this building, but luckily the room they’d be teaching in would have it due to all the computers.

His door was open, and she nearly walked right by him. She back peddles and already feels weak kneed. He had his glasses on, pushed closer to his face than usual, a small fan on his desk blowing the hair that wasn’t in the little sprout on the top of his head back, and he was wearing a white t-shirt.

“Um, Dr. Styles?” She nervously taps on the outside of the doorframe. He looks up from his computer and smiles.

“Miss Y/L/N?”

“Yes.” She smiles back at him.

“Come on in, have a seat.”

It was the accent, that fucking British accent that she remembered was the most distracting part about him. He had this drawl to his voice that was irresistible.

“Do you want me to, um…” She points to the door.

“No, no, too bloody hot to have that thing closed. The little window I get barely opens so I only have this fan to really keep me cool.” He frowns slightly at her appearance. “Why’d you get so dressed up? You must be sweltering.”

“I’m okay!” She blushes, and takes the seat in front of his desk. “I just…you know, wanted to look nice.” His eyebrows raise slightly. “I mean, like, not nice, but professional.”

“Well, don’t feel like you need to be dressed up like this all the time. I want you to be comfortable. You don’t see me all dressed up.” He smirks.

“You’re a tenure-track faculty, you can do whatever you want.”

“Not true.” He leans forward and rests his chin on his palm. “I can’t call a student an absolute moron when they ask me a stupid question.”

“I thought there were no stupid questions.” She smiles.

“God, there’s tons.” He scoffs and sits up straighter. “But we have to encourage students to speak up when they’re confused, so.” He shrugs. “Anyways, let’s look at the course, yeah?”

“Okay.” She takes her laptop out and sets it on his desk, scooting closer.

“I added you to the moodle page, so you should have full access to everything. You’ll be grading a bit, so I wanted to make sure you knew how to get in there.”

Once Y/N logs in, and clicks into the course, she smirks.

“What?”

“Looks at the exact same.”

“What do you mean?”

“I actually, uh, took this class with you a couple of years ago.” She furrows her brows at the page. “You know, you should really update this, it’s lazy to use the same design year after year.” She sort of says it without thinking and then feels embarrassed when she looks back up to meet his intimidating gaze.

“Interesting, usually I’m good with names…yours doesn’t ring a bell at all.” He looks at his own computer and crosses his arms. “And it’s not that I’m lazy, I don’t have a lot of control over the physical design. The assignments are much different, those I keep fresh.” He turns to look at her again. “I also teach eighteen credits worth of courses, I don’t exactly have time to sit and revamp all of them.”

“Well, maybe I could do that. I’ve taken a lot of Instructional Design courses.” She says brightly. “Studies show that students do better when their course pages are more inviting.”

“Alright, since you’re the expert, I’ll let you take the lead on that. Can we get back to the material itself? I have to make sure you know what you’re doing.” He squints at her. “You really took this class?”

“Yes.”

“And I was your professor?”

“Yes, Dr. Styles.”

He plucks his fingers over his lips.

“I feel bad for not remembering you.”

“It’s okay, I sort of kept to myself. You late me retake a test that I missed once, though.”

“Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “You missed class because you had a bad stomach bug.”

“Yeah.” She blushes.

“Poor thing, those are the worst when you don’t have mum around to help take care of you.”

“It’s alright, I recovered.”

“Clearly.” He smiles.

They spend the next hour or so going over the course and the materials. He tells her what he’ll need from her specifically. He’ll do most of the teaching, and she’ll bebop around helping students with questions. Oh, and grading, she’ll be helping with a lot of grading. He notices her wipe some sweat from her brow, and he frowns.

“Do you want a water? I have some in the fridge.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

He wheels over to his mini fridge and tosses her a water bottle. As she takes a sip, she notices him still looking at her.

“You can take that off, you know?”

“What?”

“Your blazer.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m, uh, only wearing a tank top underneath and I wouldn’t feel comfortable being so…exposed.”

“Oh!” He blushes. “I’m sorry, I hope my comment didn’t-“

“It’s fine.”

“I just hope you know I wasn’t trying to-“

“I didn’t.” She clears her throat. “So, I have full reigns to redesign some things?”

“Sure.” He shrugs. “Just as long as I can still navigate it.”

“Isn’t your PhD in Computer Science? You should be fine.” She closes her laptop and sticks it in her bag.

“Right…” He pulls his calendar up on his computer. “What’s your class schedule like?”

“With this one, I only have one other class that’s in person, the rest are online.”

“Perfect, then it should be easy to build in some office hours for you. We’ll have to share mine, I hope that’s alright. Not every TA gets their own office, but there’s plenty of room in here for two. This office actually used to have to people in it, I’m having a small desk brought in for you.”

“Oh, um, thanks. I also work a lot at the café down town, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“You work at Bento’s?”

“Yeah.”

“I go there all the time, how have I not seen you?”

“I work in the back as a baker.”

“Oh cool, I actually worked in a bakery when I was younger.”

“I know.” She rolls her eyes. “You used to mention it all the time in class.”

“I did?”

“Yes.” She chuckles. “You made it sound like so much fun it’s actually what made me apply to Bento’s in the first place.”

“Ah, well, glad I could help.”

They decide on the office hours that will work best, and then he dismisses her. Just as she’s about to leave, he says her name.

“Yeah?”

“When it’s just us feel free to call me Harry. You and I don’t need to be so formal, alright?”

“Okay.” She smiles. “See you next week.”

The second she gets outside the building, she rips her blazer off. She gets back to her apartment as quickly as possible, changes into a bathing suit, and gets in the pool outside. Charlotte and Nessa were already out there, sitting on chairs in the shade. Y/N gets out and towels off, sitting down with them.

“Needed to cool off after your time with Dr. Styles, huh?” Charlotte winks at her.

“Shut up.” Y/N nudges her friend. “It was so fucking hot in his office. I know it’ll cool down eventually, and I was also way overdressed. He only had a t-shirt and jeans on.”

“Did he remember you?” Nessa asks.

“Not at first, but of course he remembered the reason I missed class was because I had a stomach bug, how embarrassing.”

“Why is that embarrassing?” Charlotte asks.

“I don’t want him to think about me being all…icky.”

“Do you seriously still have a crush on him?” Nessa asks.

“It’s not a crush, he’s just insanely attractive. He looked so cute being all casual today.” She whines. “It doesn’t matter, he’s twenty-six and probably has a girlfriend or something, how could he not?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t wanna date a guy smarter than me. He probably man-splains all the time.” Charlotte says. “I bet he’s good for a quick fuck, and that’s about it.”

“I guess Y/N will find out.” Nessa giggles.

“You two are the worst.” She groans.

“Hey, Y/N!”

Y/N was in the back at Bento’s getting some bread proofed and ready for the morning crew. One of her coworkers was calling for her.

“Yeah?”

“There’s some guy out front asking for you?”

“What?” She wipes her hands on her apron and walks out front. She freezes when she sees Harry. She had a hairnet on, her face was laced with sweat, and she smelled like bread, which you would think would smell good, but it doesn’t. It had been a couple of days since their meeting.

“Sorry, had to see it for myself.” He smirks.

“See what, Dr. Styles?” She walks around the counter to speak with him.

“Harry.” He corrects her. “See you in action, of course.” He takes a sip from his drink. “I see you’ve already made some changes to the course.”

“Yeah, uh, it was pretty easy.”

“Well, it looks fantastic. I was going to email you, but I was stopping in here and I thought I’d see if you were working so I could just tell you in person.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “Thank you, that means a lot.”

“Well, I’ll let you get back to it. Don’t wanna get you in trouble.” He waves as he leaves, and she stands there stunned.

“Who the fuck was that?” Her coworker asks.

“Um, I’m his TA this semester. He wanted to tell me I did a good job on something.”

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“He’s gonna fuck you.”

“Stop!” She swats her hand at them. “Go take drink orders, I’m going back to the proofer.”

Harry was just being nice, and maybe he was looking for a good laugh. She shakes the thought from her head, he didn’t want to fuck her. He was way more professional than that.

On her first day as a TA, she decided on a pair of jean capris, and a light blouse. She left her hair down since it wasn’t humid. She felt more like herself, which was good. She goes to her now shared office with Harry first, just to drop her things off.

“Good morning.” She says shyly as she comes in. The small desk he had brought in for her was there, and there was a small plant waiting for her on it.

“Morning, Y/N, are you excited?”

“More so nervous, but yeah. What’s this?” She points to the plant.

“Got you a little something for your desk. It’s really easy to take care of, should only need water once a week.”

“Oh, thank you.” She tucks some hair behind her ear and sits down.

“Since it’s syllabus week, today will be really easy. We’ll go over a few things and then I’ll probably let them go early.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll give you a couple of minutes to introduce yourself too.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have a water bottle with you or anything?”

“Yeah, right here.” She takes it out of her bag.

“Great, a little trick I learned when I first started teaching is that sometimes you can end up answering a question you ask the students because you’re so nervous when no one answers right away. So, if you take a moment to take a sip of your water it gives them more time to speak up.”

“Thanks, that’s a really good tip.”

“You’ll do great.” He looks down at his watch. “Come on, we should head to the classroom, make sure all the computers are working.”

Y/N nods and follows him out. Her eyes drift down to how his butt looks in his khakis. He had a simple green t-shirt tucked into them. He was effortlessly handsome. The cool of the a/c in the computer lab helps snap her out of ogling. After they check the rows of computers, only one wasn’t working, so Y/N takes a DO NOT USE sign onto it.

“Brilliant.” He says to her.

Students start trickling in, and choosing their seats. The class was mostly boys, and only a couple of girls. Unfortunately, that was typical for courses like this, even if it was just a gen ed that literally anyone could take.

“Morning everyone, I’m Dr. Styles, and I’d prefer you call me that. I worked a long time to be called that, so please don’t call me by my first name. You can call me professor, though, if you feel comfortable.” He smiles at the class. “We’re very lucky this semester, I have a TA that will be able to help you with assignments.” He gestures to Y/N.”

“Hi, yeah, my name’s Y/N, you can feel free to just call me that. Um, I’m in my second year of grad school. I’m studying curriculum and instructional design. I’m excited to be with you all this semester.”

Y/N takes a seat to the side of the room while Harry pulls up the course and the syllabus on the projector.

“Now, who here is a CS major?” Most of the class raises their hand. “Right, try branching out for your gen eds, your eyes will bleed if you don’t.” He jokes. “What about those of you who aren’t CS, just shout it out.”

“Communication.”

“Undecided.”

“IT.”

“Psychology.”

“Wonderful, glad we’ll have a little bit of variety. Y/N redesigned this class, so I’m hoping you’ll appreciate what she’s done to make things easier for you.”

Y/N takes attendance, and then sits back down so Harry can go over the syllabus and explain some of the more intricate assignments. He also explains his door is always open for anyone that needs extra help. He wanted to make a good impression since he knew some of the students would end up in some of his higher level courses.

“Please take some time to go over some of the basic codes and short cuts we’ll be using quite a bit. For our next class we’re going to work on a site together, alright?” There’s a hum of agreement throughout the class. “Great, and just so you know, Y/N will be doing the majority of the grading, so it’s not my good side you’ll want to be on, it’s hers.” He grins. “Alright, you’re all dismissed, enjoy the nice weather.”

Everyone files out, and Y/N takes a deep breath. She walks with Harry down to his office and she plops down in her seat.

“Seems like it’ll be a good group.” He opens one of his drawers. “Here, forgot to give you a key. You can come here whenever you want, feel free to do your homework if there’s nothing to be graded.”

“Thanks.” She takes it from him and puts it on her key ring. “It’ll be nice to have a quiet space, actually. One of my roommates is getting her master’s in theater education, and my other roommate is getting her master’s in music education, so it gets kind loud from time to time.”

“Then definitely come here anytime you like.” He smiles and sits in his chair.

“When does your next class start?”

“I’ve got about an hour or so before I need to go back to the computer lab for my computing fundamentals class. I teach two sections of that back to back. Then that’s it for today.”

“Does it get annoying to teach the same class back to back?”

“Not really.” He shrugs. “I’m used to it by now anyways.”

“Dr. Styles?” A female student taps on the outside of the door. “How was your su…oh, you’re in here with someone.” She frowns.

“I sure am, Melanie.” Harry seems to look a little nervous. “I’ll be rather busy today, but we can catch up soon, alright?”

“Oh, okay.” She glares at Y/N before leaving. Harry sighs heavily once she’s gone.

“That’s one of my frequent flyers.” He rolls his eyes. “Her and a couple other girls try to come by and chat…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m actually kind of glad you’ll be around, I’ve seen her fly out of here so fast.”

“Does she…have a crush on you or something?”

“I’m afraid so.” Harry sighs. “It’s partly why I keep my door open when I meet with students. I used to keep it closed to have some privacy, cause sometimes there’s personal things students want to talk about, but she came in last year…I don’t know, I just keep my door open now.”

“That sucks.” She turns to her laptop to start getting some work done. “Such is the life of the hot, young professor, unfortunately.” Once again, Y/N said something without really thinking about it. She really needs to work on a filter. When she turns around to look at him to apologize, he was looking at her, face flushed. “I’m sorry, I just meant-“

“I have some emails to catch up on, so I’m gonna put by earbuds in and just focus on that.”

Y/N nods and turns back to her computer. She sighs heavily. The last thing she wanted to do was make the poor guy feel more tense than he already did. It must be painfully awkward to have students throwing themselves at you all the time, and what’s worse is that he feels so uncomfortable that he feels like he can’t even close his door. Y/N wanted to know what exactly Melanie did. It couldn’t have been so bad because she was still coming by to see him. Maybe Harry just picked up on a vibe, and got ahead of the problem before it got worse.

Forty or so minutes later, Harry tells Y/N he’s off to class, but she can feel free to stay if she wanted. She smiles and continues working on a paper she already had assigned for one of her courses. It was really nice to just have a space to work.

“Dr…oh…is this not Dr. Styles’ office anymore.” The girl standing in the doorway frowns.

“Oh! No, it is. He’s teaching right now. I’m his TA, Y/N, so we’re sharing. Can I help you with anything?”

“No, um, I was just coming to say hi, but I’ll catch him later.”

“What’s your name? I can tell him you stopped by, then he can email you or something.”

“It’s Bridget, and he doesn’t need to email me. I was just coming to say hi and chat about summer.” She sighs. “Sorry to bother you.”

Before Y/N can say it wasn’t a bother, the girl is gone. Harry really seemed to have a fan club so far. Y/N had professors she loved, but it was the first day of classes, she never went around trying to catch up with them. She decides to close the door a bit, maybe if people came by they would just assume he wasn’t there.

Y/N’s eyes start to feel droopy. It hits her that she’s been up since four this morning, having pulled an early shift at Bento’s. She decides to cross her arms on her desk, and rest her head on them. Her music was playing softly in the background, and her eyes eventually flutter closed.

Harry comes back from his second section of Computer Fundamentals and is confused when he sees his door only open a crack. He opens it the rest of the way and stops short when he sees Y/N resting peacefully. He wonders how long she’s been asleep for. He didn’t want her to be too groggy. He also knew some students from his previous classes may stop by for some clarification, so as he much he didn’t want to, he had to wake her up.

“Y/N?” He says softly, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Mm?” She grunts.

“Gotta wake up, love.”

Her eyes snap open. She sits up and watches him as he sits at his desk, pulling some papers out of his bag. She knew it was a pet name often used where he was from, but holy mother of God did it sound good hearing him call her that.

“Sorry, I…oh wow, I slept for way too long.”

“You didn’t seem so tired this morning, are you feeling alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I worked an early shift at the bakery this morning, so it must just be catching up with me.” She stretches her arms out. “I think I’m gonna head out now. Oh, some student named Bridget came by earlier, but you were in class.”

“Alright.” He sighs. “Thanks, see you Wednesday.”

“See you Wednesday.” She smiles, gathers her things, and heads out.

At the end of the first week of classes, Harry was exhausted. It was always like this by the time that first Friday hit. The faculty meeting was the most draining part of it. He didn’t subject Y/N to it since she wasn’t helping with a major course. He had whined about it in front of her, though, so when he got back to his office he found a cupcake from Bento’s waiting for him.

It took a couple of weeks, but Y/N was able to relax around Harry. He noticed this right away. She was way less nervous, and he felt happy knowing he wasn’t making her feel intimidated. He was also happy for the help. She was able to field a lot of questions for the students, and her grading things was already saving him a ton of time.

The semester was off to a great start. Y/N would often bring Harry extra pastries from Bento’s, and he would praise her for how good they tasted.

“If those whole Instructional Design thing doesn’t work out, you should just open up your own bakery.” Is what he would often say after stuffing his face. It would make her giggle and blush. She enjoyed pleasing him.

They were having a peaceful Tuesday afternoon, holding office hours. Mostly working on their own, but occasionally chatting. Well, it was peaceful, until someone walked through the door.

“Harry.” An angry woman holding a small shih tzu and a large bag says. “I can’t take care of him Max anymore. I’m moving and my new place can’t have pets.”

“Kelly, let’s go out into the hall, yeah?”

She looks over at Y/N, who was stunned. Harry was standing up and walking around his desk to lead the woman out, but she won’t budge.

“Make whoever this is leave, you have an office for a reason.”

“I don’t have an office for personal matters, come on.” He takes the dog, Max, from her and cuddles him to his chest. Harry gets a lick to his chin. “Aw, you miss Daddy, Maxy?”

The woman rolls her eyes, and lets Harry lead her into the hallway. Y/N hears some muffled discussion, the woman raising her voice more than him.

“You could have looked for a place that allowed pets. This is so typical of you. You fought me on keeping him, and the second it got difficult you wanna just dump him with me.”

“I’m never home, Harry! It’s not fair to him.”

“And you think I’m home more?”

“More than me.” She scoffs. “You don’t have a choice, I leave at the end of the week.”

“You don’t even look like you’re going to miss him.”

“I thought I wanted him, but every time I looked at him I just thought of you, and now I can’t stand him. I’m moving to have a fresh start. Whatever happens to him is up to you now.” She drops the large bag full of Max’s things at his feet and walks away.

Harry sighs and kisses the top of Max’s head. He leans down to grab the bag and walks back into his office.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s okay.” She extends her hands out. “Can I hold him? He’s so cute.” She pouts.

“Um, sure.” Harry hands Max over to Y/N.

“Oh my goodness.” She gets a lick on her cheek. “How old is he?”

“A little over a year.” Harry mumbles as he goes through the bag. “I have no idea how I’m going to make this work. I can’t bring him with me every day, it’s not allowed. Once in a while is fine, but it’s not like he’s a therapy dog.”

“I can help! My apartment is pet friendly for small dogs. I could just meet you here and you can drop him off to me.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. You have so much going on between this, your own school work, and Bento’s.”

“I really wouldn’t mind, I know you end up staying here late a lot of the time, I could take him for walks and stuff, tire him out so you can just have a snuggle with him when you get home.” She holds him up to her face. Lucky dog, she thinks to herself.

“You’re my TA, Y/N, not my dog sitter.” He sighs. “I’m sure I could find another student that needs some extra cash-“

“Wouldn’t need to pay me.” She smiles. “Please, he’s so cute, I really wanna help. It won’t stress me out, I promise.”

“We’ll see, it would only be on my busy days.” He takes Max back from her, and pulls his dog bed from the bag. “Go on, get comfy.” He sets him down and pats the top of his head. He takes out his water bowl and pours some into it for him.

“Feel free to not answer, but who was she?”

“My ex…” Harry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He sits down and watches Max lap up at his water bowl. “She insisted on a small dog because they’re easier to take care of.” He rolls his eyes. “But I missed him a lot, so I’m not complaining. We were together a couple of years, lived together for a bit, thought it would be smart to get a dog like a lot of people do when they’re getting more serious. But we started fighting a lot, we both got busier, neither of us wanted to compromise, and so it goes. She took him with her. We both got new places and have barely spoken.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, we weren’t right for each other, and he sort of made us realize that.” Max yips at Harry. “That’s right, buddy.” Harry chuckles. “We called it quits roughly six months ago, it’s all good now. I thought I’d miss her, but I missed him more.”

“I get that, I dated this guy for a bit in undergrad, but I definitely didn’t see it lasting.” She rolls her eyes.

“Guys at that age are really immature, anyways. You’ve got plenty of time to meet someone.” He turns back to his computer and gets back into his emails. He looks over his calendar and groans. “Alright, I’ll definitely need your help with him.” He turns back to her. “I give a lecture on Thursday evenings, so no one would be home with him literally day.”

“No problem at all, I can bring him home with me and I can just drop him off to you.” She smiles. “My roommates love dogs too, they’ll be excited.”

“I’ll need your phone number, just to get updates and stuff, it’ll be easier than email.”

“Sure!” She hands him her phone immediately. “Feels silly to not have exchanged numbers sooner.”

“Was sort of trying to keep a level of professionalism between us, but I suppose you’re gonna be helping me with my pup you’ll be more than just a colleague.” He puts his number in and texts himself. “You’re sure this won’t be too much for you?”

“Not at all.”

“At least let me pay you.”

“No way.”

“Y/N.” He sighs. “I’m gonna pay you, just deal with it, alright?” There was that intimidating side of him again. Y/N just swallows and nods. “Good.”

Nessa and Charlotte loved when Y/N would bring Max home with her. They teased her a bit at first because it was like her and Harry now owned this dog together, but she explained she was just helping him out.

“At least now you know for sure he’s single, and that he’s not afraid of commitment.” Nessa winks.

“Oh stop.” Y/N nudges her.

“He has your number now, does he ever text you about anything other than Max?”

“Not really, although he’ll send a funny gif as a response sometimes. He’s got a good sense of humor. You should see him in class.” Y/N’s phone buzzes and sees a text from Harry. “Speak of the Devil.”

Harry: I’m running late tonight, I’m so sorry. Would it be too much to ask to have you just get him settled at my place? There’s a spare key in the plant by the door.

Y/N’s eyes grow wide.

“Oh my god, he wants me to bring Max to his house tonight.”

“It’s happening!” Charlotte squeals. “Have you eaten much pineapple lately?”

“Would you shut up?! He doesn’t want to fuck me. He’s way too professional.”

Y/N: of course!

Harry: you’re a lifesaver. I’ve got some frozen pizza, feel free to make yourself at home until I get in. I won’t have you waiting too long.

“Oh wow, I’m gonna be there until he gets in…” She looks at her friends. “Maybe I’ll go shave my legs, you know, just in case.”

Y/N finds the key quickly, and walks into Harry’s home. He didn’t live too far from campus. He had a nice town home. Max scamps inside and immediately goes over to his toys in the living room. Y/N takes her shoes off and leaves them in the mudroom. Harry kept his home clean, and it made Y/N smile. There were some papers on his kitchen table that had grade marks on them. She wondered if he had a home office or not.

She goes into his freezer to find the pizza, and preheats the over. Once the pizza is baking, she plops onto the couch, pulling Max into her lap and turning the TV on. He has Netflix, so she click into that. She pouts when she sees he watches a lot of Rom Coms, it was too cute. She puts on The Office and has a slice of pizza. She didn’t need to work until tomorrow afternoon, so she didn’t mind that it was getting to be a little later on a Thursday, and it wasn’t like she went to raging parties anymore either.

Eventually, she dozed off. She couldn’t help it. Harry had a really comfortable couch, and plush blanket to curl up in, and Max was just as cozy to sleep with. Harry had texted Y/N, but she didn’t answer because she was asleep. The lecture he had ran late, and then he had to meet with some students to help them. Not to mention it was raining heavily, and he needed to drive a little slower than usual. So he didn’t pull into his driveway until 10PM. He sighs, feeling terrible that Y/N was still there.

He quietly enters his home, but it didn’t matter because Max hears him, wakes up, and starts barking. This startles Y/N awake.

“Shh, Max, it’s just Daddy.” He scoops him up and walks into the living room. Y/N was rubbing her eyes, trying to wake up. “I’m so sorry, I-“

“It’s okay.” She yawns. “I wrapped up the pizza and put it in the fridge for you.”

“Oh, um, thank you. Think I’m about to pass out though.”

“Don’t be silly.” She gets up and stretches. “You need to eat something.”

She brushes by him to go into his kitchen and take the pizza out. She puts a paper-towel over it and pops it in the microwave.

“I really am sorry you’re here so late.”

“It’s okay.” She leans against the counter. “What’s the lecture for, anyways?”

“It’s actually a graduate level CS systems course. I couldn’t turn the money down when they offered it to me. I figured since it’s only once a week it would be terrible, and it’s not, it’s just exhausting.”

The microwave beeps, and Y/N take the plate out for him, removing the paper towel.

“See, now it’s not all dried out.” She smiles.

“Neat trick, I’ll have to remember that.” The rain taps violently on the window in the kitchen.

“Yikes, I didn’t even know it was supposed to rain tonight. It wasn’t like this when I drove over.” She bites her bottom lip and looks outside.

Harry finishes his pizza and puts the plate in the sink. He sets Max down and he runs upstairs to his dog bed in Harry’s room.

“Listen, uh, if you want I can set up the pull out for you. Or I could sleep on it and you could take my bed…if you don’t feel safe driving home.”

“Oh, I couldn’t take your bed.” She turns to him. “But I may take your couch. I was sleeping on it fine as is, no need to set it up.”

“Well, let me at least get you a proper pillow and something to change into, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“Right, um, well you know where the bathroom down here is, feel free to use whatever to wash up. I’ll run up to grab what you need, be down in a sec.”

Harry changes into his own pj’s, and finds some spare pants and a t-shirt for Y/N. He’s even able to find a spare toothbrush. He hustles back down and see’s Y/N bending over to charge her phone using the plug behind the tide table next to the couch. Harry clears his throat to get her attention.

“Here, you can wear this, and he’s a toothbrush.”

“Thanks for letting crash here, I get nervous driving at night when it’s like that outside.”

“It’s the least I could do, you gave up your Thursday night to…” He looks at the TV screen and his cheeks grow hot. Y/N looks over at the TV as well and wonders why The Office might embarrass him.

“Is it okay that I used your Netflix?”

“Yeah, I…god, it’s just, you’ve seen what I watch.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I didn’t snoop or anything, promise.” She smiles and takes the clothes and toothbrush from him.

He opens up the coffee table to take out a pillow and another blanket.

“Well, I’ll be right upstairs if you need anything…um, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

She wanted to ask if he wanted to watch a little TV with her, but he looked so tired. She lays on the couch after getting changed. His bed clothes swam on her, and she loved it. They smelled just like him and it made her smile. She texts in the group chat so the girls know what’s up. They tell her just to go crawl into his bed, and she rolls her eyes. She falls back asleep after another couple of episodes of The Office.

The next morning, her eyes flutter open when the light from the sliding door in the living room hit her. She hears Harry shuffling around upstairs.

“Gotta be quiet, Max. Y/N is sleeping.” She hears him whisper and it makes her smile. She decides to pretend to be asleep as to not rile the dog up.

She hears the door open and close, and that’s when she knows Harry’s gone to take Max for a walk. She gets up and folds the blankets, and puts the pillow on top. She figures he’ll want to wash it. She goes into the bathroom to do her business, but doesn’t change just yet, she didn’t want to leave the comfort of his clothes. She does, however, put her bra on. She didn’t want to bounce around and make him uncomfortable.

Harry comes back in with a beanie on, cover the beautiful curls Y/N adored so much. He was wearing grey joggers, and a black t-shirt. Max runs right over to Y/N.

“Morning.” Harry says.

“Morning.” She pats Max’s head.

“Sleep alright?”

“Mhm, thank you.”

“I’m gonna make some breakfast, you hungry?”

“Sure, I could eat.” She smiles.

He smiles back and opens up the fridge. Y/N grabs the dog food and gets Max’s bowl filled. She sees Harry starting up the coffee pot, and then going back to the fridge for eggs.

“Eggs and toast alright?”

“Sounds great.”

Harry gets a pan heated up and cracks four eggs into it.

“You working at Bento’s today?”

“Yeah, not until this afternoon though, no worries.”

“Oh good, I would have felt bad if I was keeping you.”

“You’re not.” She sits up on the counter and watches him cook the eggs. He moves to the toaster and puts for pieces of bread in. “This is a nice place.”

“Thanks, sort of found it in a scramble, but it gets the job done. Would have liked more than one bedroom, but oh well.” Harry flips all of the eggs over so they’ll be sunny side down. “Want cheese?”

“Yes, please.” She hops off the counter to grab a couple of mugs for the coffee.

“I have to apologize, I don’t have any cream for that.”

“Sugar?”

He slides the sugar bowl down to her and she smiles. Once everything is done they sit down at the kitchen table.

“Mm, this is delicious, thank you.”

“S’just a fried egg.” He chuckles. “But I’m glad you like it.”

“Do you have to go to campus today?”

“Not technically, but I will just to get some work done. I’ll bring Max with me. He likes the little dog bed I’ve put under my desk.”

“He’s really such a love bug. Snuggled with me last night and everything. My roommates love him too.”

“You’ve been such a big help in so many ways. Don’t know what I’ll do without you next semester.”

“I’m applying for more TA positions, maybe they’ll stick me with you again.”

“Wouldn’t you want more experience with a different class?”

“It doesn’t really matter.” She shrugs. “It would be cool to work with you over winter break to redesign your other courses.”

“Man, if I didn’t have to do that myself…hm, maybe I could put a good word in. That is, if you don’t mind being stuck with me again.”

“Stuck with you? Hello, this is going way better than I thought. I was sort of nervous to be your TA at first.”

“You were?” He frowns.

“You’re a little intimidating.”

“I don’t mean to be.”

“I know, it’s just the way you come off sometimes. You’re hilarious when you want to be.”

“Thanks.” He smirks and continues to eat. He looks at her and furrows his brows. “Feel free to keep those.”

“What?”

“The clothes I let you borrow, feel free to just keep ‘em if you want. I don’t much wear those pants anymore, and I have a dozen t-shirts.”

“Oh, um, thank you. Might take you up on that, I’m pretty cozy.”

She helps clean up the dishes and then gathers her things. He walks her out to her car.

“Thanks again for watching him.”

“Of course, I’ll see you Monday morning.”

“See you, have a good weekend, love.”

Her heart skips a beat as he turns and walks back inside. She takes a deep breath as she gets into her car. It was cloudy on the drive home, but at least it wasn’t raining. The second she gets through the door Nessa and Charlotte grill her for details, and they were highly disappointed that the only thing they shared was breakfast.

“It was really domestic, though, it was nice.” Y/N explains. “He was so cute while he made me breakfast. He’s so kind. He even let me keep his clothes, and he wants me to be his TA again next semester. He literally said he wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

“Yeah, because you’ve volunteered to do everything for him except suck his dick.” Charlotte scoffs. “You said he’s been broken up for a little over six months right? Do you think he’s gotten his dick wet since then?”

“Charlotte!” Y/N giggles. “He’s a grown man, he can do what he wants. I bet he has, he easily could have had a rebound, although, he seems really respectful, so who knows if he’s even into hooking up.”

“Right, like when you told us he always keeps his office door open.”

“I feel bad, I’m there when some of those girls come to chat with him, and you can tell they just make him uncomfortable.” She shakes her head. “I think he and I are, like, friends now. I like what we have going, I’m not going to rock the boat. It could really complicate things.”

“So, would you say now that you’ve gotten to know him better your crush is less…apparent?” Nessa asks.

“God no! We mesh really well, we think a lot of the same things are funny…” She wines slightly. “It’s truly unfair.” She sighs. “Right person, wrong time.”

It was hard to stay awake during your shift at the bakery, but you made it through. You were thankful you only needed to be there until about dinner time. You had to be back in Saturday morning for open, but that didn’t stop you and your friends from going out to the bar for a couple of drinks.

It gave the three of you time to catch up and complain about coursework. Nessa was directing a production at the university, and she still had students who weren’t off-book, and Charlotte had to deal with pretentious music bros who really liked to man-splain the music industry to her. Y/N felt lucky that the majority of her classes were online.

“Okay, I have to ask, are there any students in class you think have crushes on each other?” Nessa asks her, sipping from her straw.

“Oh, for sure. There are these two boys, they don’t sit next to each other, but you can tell they’re friends. One of them always looks behind to the other so they can make a face. It’s too cute.”

They were at a more adult bar tonight. It’s not that they didn’t like the college bars they were so used to going to, but if they went there then that meant getting shitfaced and staying on the dancefloor until close. It also made things awkward when running into students. So the three of them felt safe here, they could really relax.

“Oh my fucking god.” Charlotte says. “Dr. Styles just walked in, and fuck, he’s here with a couple of really hot guys.”

“What?!” Y/N was buzzed, and she didn’t want Harry to see her like this. She wanted his image of her to remain sweet and professional. She peers over her shoulder to look at him, and her eyes widen.

He wasn’t wearing his glasses, he had a floral patterned shirt on that had the first few buttons undone, and a pair of black jeans to match. They weren’t skinny jeans or anything, but they sure as fuck were working for him. Both of his friends were a little shorter, but both equally as handsome. The three walk right by the bar and grab a booth.

“This is bad.” Y/N groans. “He looks so fucking good.”

“Who knew he was so tatted up?!” Nessa says. “I thought it was just his arms, but did you see his collar bones? We love a man who has going attire.”

The bar was starting to get more crowded, and louder as it got later. Music was blaring from the speakers, but all Y/N could think about was Harry. She wondered if he would venture to her area of the bar to order his drinks. One of his friends went up first, on Nessa’s left.

“Hey, Niall, what can I get for you?” The bartender asks him.

“Bradly, so good to see yeh, I’ll take a pint of Guinness, Lou’s gonna have a pale ale, and Harry’ll have a Corona with lime.”

“You got it.”

Niall drums his fingers on the bar. Nessa was sweating. She had a boyfriend, so she would never do anything, but fuck, that Irish accent tore right through her. Niall looks over at the three girls who had all fallen silent after he approached. He makes eye contact with Y/N, and they share a smile.

“Opening a tab tonight?”

“Yeah, one of those nights for sure. Poor Harry’s had a run in with his ex, basically dropped their dog in his lap and left. It’s been a couple of weeks since it happened, but it’s been eatin’ the lad up.”

Bradly nods and takes Niall’s credit card to keep on the back of the bar. He hands him the three beers, and Niall thanks him. The girls try not to watch as he sits down.

“Holy shit, I thought I was going to crap my pants.” Nessa breathes. “I love Andy, don’t get me wrong, but holy fuck.” She shakes her head. “I may need to have him pick me up from here tonight.” She giggles.

“Now I almost wish there was dancing here. Wouldn’t mind showing that guy how well I can pop my ass.” Charlotte laughs.

“He smiled at me, did you see it? Of course Harry surrounds himself with other beautiful people.” She pouts.

Niall slides Harry and Louis their beers and they all clink their glasses.

“I’m so glad we could all get out to do this. Sorry we didn’t rescue you the second Kelly showed up.” Louis says.

“It’s alright, I appreciate you guys coming tonight.”

“Is Max okay for a bit on his own?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, I put the gates up for him so he can’t mess much up. I wouldn’t have texted my TA to see if she could watch him again, but…”

“But you’ll most likely be fucking someone tonight.” Niall grins. “Surprised you didn’t just fuck her, she stayed at your place and everything.”

“Actually, you asshole,” Harry chuckles and takes a swig of his beer. “I was going to say that I would have felt bad taking up another one of her evenings. I don’t know if I’m in the mood to take anyone home tonight.”

“Too bad, girls love little dogs like Max.” Louis shrugs.

“There’s three really hot girls sitting by the bar.” Niall loves over at the three girls. “One for each of us if we play our cards right.”

Harry’s back was turned away from the bar, so he couldn’t see who Niall was talking about.

“They could be college students.” Louis says.

“Not at this place. The undergrads don’t come here.” Harry says. “Mostly grad students or other faculty that live close by, locals too.”

“We could order their next round of drinks, and then invite them to come sit with us. Booth has plenty of room.” Niall suggest.

Harry and Louis turn around slightly to get a look at the girls Niall was talking about. Harry nearly chokes on his Corona, and turns back around.

“Jesus, are you alright?” Louis asks, patting his back.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. We can’t get those girls drinks.”

“Why not?”

“The one on the right is my TA, Y/N, and her two roommates. I know one of them has a boyfriend…uh…the one on the very left. The middle one is single, but even still, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Mate, you’re TA is that good looking, and you didn’t even try to fuck her when she stayed at your place?” Niall asks.

“No, I didn’t try to fuck her. I’m doing this thing where I don’t fuck people I have a position of power over.” He rolls his eyes. “That’s a no go.”

“But if she wasn’t your TA, and just a regular grad student…?” Louis raises an eyebrow at Harry. He runs a hand through his hair as thinks it over.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, she’s obviously cute, but…I could never do something like that.”

“It’s not like she’s going to be your TA next semester, you could-“ Harry cuts Niall off.

“Actually, she might be. I have a meeting with the curriculum committee to discuss what I’ll need help with for next semester, and we both want to work with each other again. Crossing that line would complicate things, not to mention it’s highly unprofessional.”

“It’s not like she’s a student sitting in one of your classes, then I’d agree with you. You’re colleagues, technically. Nothing in the rule book saying you can’t fuck a colleague.” Niall says.

“He’s got a point, Har.” Louis says.

“Even if I agreed with the both of you, I’d still be taking advantage. I think she has a little crush on me, she’s made a couple flirty comments here and there…”

“Not to mention she jumped at the chance to help watch your dog.” Louis says.

“It’s not happening.”

“Well, you may not want to fuck a pretty girl tonight, but I do, and if the middle one is single, perhaps I’ll still order them all drinks, and just talk with her. Or, if you’re saying Y/N’s a no go for you, maybe I’ll chat her up. We smiled at each other, maybe she thinks I’m cute.” Niall grins.

“Don’t you dare.” He glares at him, finishing his beer. “I don’t care if you talk to, fuck what’s her name…Charlotte! I don’t care if you talk to Charlotte, but don’t try anything with Y/N.” He looks at Louis. “You either.”

“Not that I would, but basically you’re saying if you can’t fuck her no one else can?” Louis asks.

“I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.”

“Alright.” Niall shrugs. “We ready for the next round, then?” They both nod at him, and Niall brings the empties up to the bar. The girls fall silent when he approaches again. “Hi there, is there a reason you all keep doing that?”

The girls all turn to look at him. They were sweating.

“Doing what?” Charlotte asks nervously.

“Well, and maybe it’s just a coincidence, but you keep getting quiet when I come over.”

“It’s just…um…” Nessa starts. “You’re here with someone our friend knows.” She points to Y/N. “In a professional setting, and we’re just surprised to see him out, that’s all.”

“Oh, am I? Who is it?”

“Dr. Styles.” Y/N speaks up. Niall smiles as his eyes raise.

“Dr. Styles, how formal.” He looks over at Bradly who gives him the new drinks. “Bradly, do me a favor, put these ladies’ next round on my tab, will you?”

“You don’t have to do that.” Y/N says.

“Whether you know my friend or not, I’d be a real jerk to not buy three beautiful girls a drink, wouldn’t I?” He winks at Charlotte as he walks away with his new drinks.

“He winked at me, oh my god.” She squeals. “Y/N, you wouldn’t care if I tried to fuck one of Harry’s friends, right? It’s been a minute for me.” She pouts.

“No, why would I care?” She laughs. Bradly gives the girls their new drinks. “That was really nice of him.” She twists her straw and looks over at the booth. She can see Niall and the other guy laughing, while Harry just shakes his head.

“What the fuck did you say to them?” Harry asks as he takes a sip of beer.

“Would you relax? They simply mentioned that they knew you, and I bought their next round, that was it.”

“Great, so she knows I’m here.” He groans. “Move.” He says to Louis.

“Why?”

“Because now I have to go talk to her.”

“Oh, you do?” Louis smirks.

“Yes, do you know how fucking rude it would be not even say hello?”

“I don’t see her coming over here.” Niall says.

“She’s obviously nervous!” Harry takes a large gulp of his drink. “Move, Lou.”

Louis gets up so Harry can get out of the booth.

“Oh my god, Y/N, Harry’s coming over here.” Nessa says.

“Shut up, no he’s not, oh my god, he is, holy shit. I’m…inebriated.”

The girls laugh at her as Harry comes to sit on the open stool next to Y/N. He gets comfortable before he looks at her and smiles. She slowly turns herself to look at him.

“Hi.” He says.

“Hi.”

“Did my friend bother you?”

“Not at all…he was very nice.”

Harry nods and sips from his drink.

“I didn’t know you came here…” He says.

“Could say the same to you.” She looks him up and down. “Barely recognized you when you walked in. That’s a nice shirt.”

“Thanks.” He blushes and wants to kick himself for being so exposed to her.

“You haven’t met my friends yet. Charlotte, Nessa, this is Dr…uh, this is Harry.” The girls both say hello.

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you both. You’re Charlotte right?”

“Yeah.”

“My friend thinks you’re cute.” He nods over to Niall. Maybe Harry wouldn’t have been so bold, but he knew they were only a few years apart in age, so it wasn’t totally weird, and he had a couple drinks in him, so there’s that.

“Really?!”

“Mhm.”

“Should I go talk to him?”

“Definitely, I think he’d really like that.”

“Good enough for me.” She hops off the stool. “Ness, come talk to his other friend with me it’s not awkward.”

“Wing-man to the rescue, I’m on it.”

“You guys!” Y/N calls after them, but they’re already sitting down. She looks back at Harry and squints at him.

“What?”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Do what?”

“Get them to leave so we could be alone…”

“What?! No!” Harry finishes his drink, and Bradly gets him a new one right away. “Why would I want to be alone with you?” He sees the obvious offense on her face, and shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. We’re alone together all the time, aren’t we? I just meant, in this setting.” He gestures to the bar around him. “I’ve been a bit mopey since Kelly showed up, so my friends just wanted to take me out and show me a good time.” He looks over at Niall who already has his arm around Charlotte. “Although, I think they’re bound to have a better night than me.” He sighs.

“You haven’t let on a mopey exterior, you could have told me.”

“It’s really none of your business how I’m feeling, Y/N.”

“You’re being awfully cold to someone who spent the night at your house just watch your dog.”

“You spent the night because it was raining too heavily.”

“And then you made me breakfast.”

“As an extra thank you.”

“You’re annoying.” She takes a sip of her drink and faces forward. “Now I don’t even have my friends to complain about you because you’ve sent them off to your friends.” She rolls her eyes.

“M’not annoying. I’m a fucking delight, just ask Max.”

“Where is he anyways?”

“Home.” Harry shrugs. “He can last a few hours without me. I almost texted you, but I would have felt bad asking again. I know you worked today, I honestly didn’t expect to see you out.”

“It was a long week for everyone. I’m not staying much longer, I have to be at Bento’s at four in the morning.”

“It’s…” Harry looks down at his watch. “Almost midnight, Cinderella.” He smirks at her and she can’t help but laugh. It was a stupid and cheesy joke, but she liked it. “I didn’t mean to be cold…I just didn’t want you to think I was coming over here to pull a move or something.”

“I’m going to remind you again, you sent my friends away.” She smiles and takes a sip of her drink.

“I did.” He nods. “But I’ll remind you, my friend Niall thinks Charlotte is cute. He thought you were cute too, by the way.”

“He did?!” She looks over at them and then back to Harry. “But you sent her off with him?”

“Yup.” He takes a swig of his beer.

“Why?!”

“Could be a little awkward to have my best friend canoodle with my TA.”

“Right, because it would be so easy to get into my bed.” She scoffs.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it. And I’m not one to kiss and tell, so unless he wanted to dish, you wouldn’t have even heard anything from me about it.”

“Doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t have liked it. I don’t know Charlotte so I don’t really care what they do.”

“You don’t get to decide who I can and can’t sleep with just because you’re too chicken to make a move.” Before he can say anything she’s hopping off her stool and heading out of the bar.

She’s just about to order an uber when he grabs her wrist. It was chilly outside, and she could clearly see both of their breaths.

“What did you just say to me?”

“You heard me.” She yanks her wrist free. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to sleep for three hours so I can get up to bake some fucking bread.” She orders her uber, and Nessa comes rushing out.

“Char’s staying inside with, um, Niall? I saw you leave so I thought I’d come…with…you…” She sees Harry who was practically fuming. “Um, I can wait inside, or-“

“It’s fine, the uber will be here in a minute.” She smiles at her friend and then glares at Harry. “At least one of us is going to have a good time tonight.” She seethes.

“I had fun.” Nessa says, and then realizes what Y/N meant. “Oh.”

“Why are you still here? Go inside and find some random to fuck.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, Y/N.”

“Sorry, I’m off the clock. I can speak to you however the fuck I want.” She steps closer to him. “I don’t know where you get off being so sweet and kind one moment, and then turning into a major prick the second you feel threatened, but I don’t need this.”

The uber pulls up, and without another word Y/N and Nessa get inside, leaving Harry outside in the cold.

Y/N woke up at 3:30AM and groaned, cursing at herself for going out. She only had to work until 9AM and then should could sleep the day away if she wanted. She was still so mad at Harry she could scream. He hadn’t even tried to text her to apologize.

She sighs and makes her way to the kitchen once she’s dressed. She stops short when she sees a half-naked Niall standing in her kitchen, filling two glasses of water.

“Um…hi.” She says to him as she grabs her daily vitamins out of the cabinet.

“Hey.” He smiles. He looks her up and down. “Are you going to work?”

“I am.” She pops the gummy vitamins into her mouth.

“Could you do me a favor?” He steps a little closer to her. “Take it easy on Harry, alright?” Y/N scoffs at him. “I know, he was an asshole last night, but he just want to do anything that could put his job in danger, that’s all.”

“How would I do that? I’m not his student, I’m his colleague.”

“He just feels weird about it, and he’s still figuring out his feelings. I think he likes you, to be quite honest. You’ve…perked him up, well not tonight, but anytime he mentions you he smiles.”

“He…talks about me?”

“Oh sure, all the time actually.” He takes a sip of water. “I better go bring this to her. Just…consider taking it easy on him, he knows he fucked up.”

Y/N nods as Niall makes his way back to Charlotte’s room. She drags herself out to her car and heads to Bento’s. Once she’s inside, she puts some music on and fires up the ovens. She loved baking, it helped clear her head for a little while. She would prep the bacon, get fresh muffins and cookies going, and she would even make croissants. By the time the rest of the morning crew shows up, she’s just about halfway done with everything. She trays up everything to be rolled out for the people working out front. By the time 9AM rolled around she was exhausted, but had mostly forgotten how aggravated she was. She snags a coffee and a muffin on her way out, and stops short when she sees Harry sitting outside with Max.

“Oh, thank god.” He says, standing up. Max sniffs at her feet and she bends down to pet the top of his head. “They said you got off at nine, I hope it’s not weird that I’m here.”

“How long have you been waiting out here?”

“Well, I came by at 6:30 when they opened, but you were really busy, so I just came back twenty minutes ago. Can we talk?”

“Not right now. I’m covered in flour and sweat, and I’d like to take a shower and then take a nap. I got two hours of sleep last night. It was my own doing, but still.”

“When then?”

“I’ll text you.” She shrugs. “Niall spent the night, I bumped into him this morning. He said you fucked up?”

“I did.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Do what you need to do, and then, uh, come bay later, yeah? We can have a late lunch or something, and I can explain myself. Would you like that?”

“Depends, what’s on the menu?”

“S’cold out, do you like grilled cheese and tomato soup?”

“Love it.” She smiles. “I’ll let you know when I wake up.”

“Alright, thanks.”

Y/N takes a nice long shower when she gets home, her roommates still peacefully sleeping. She wondered if Niall was still there or if he slipped out a couple hours after her. She didn’t care that much, she was too tired to care. Once her hair is dry, she slips a t-shirt on and crawls into bed.

“Y/N! I’ve let you sleep long enough, please wake up!” Charlotte was absolutely giddy, and dying to fill Y/N in. It was around 2PM, she definitely caught up on sleep.

“Gimme five minutes!” Y/N yells back. She was groggy and didn’t want to be cranky.

Y/N comes out to the couch and lays down. Nessa was out with Andy, but she had heard about everything earlier. Charlotte brings Y/N a cup of tea and smiles at her.

“Thank you.” She takes a careful sip. “Alright, go ahead.”

“Best sex I’ve ever fucking had!” She squeals. “He had me all over the bed, it was wild. I’m surprised we didn’t wake you.”

“I passed out the second I got home.” She chuckles. “Best you ever had, huh? What exactly did he do?”

“What didn’t he do?! Fingers, tongue, and dick, it was incredible. I rode him, then he got on top, and then he did me from behind, bent me over the bed, I got on top again. His stamina was incredible. I made him some breakfast this morning and then he left.”

“Did he give you his number?”

“He did.” She beams. “He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment, but I was free to text him anytime I wanted him like that again.” She bites her bottom lip and sinks further into the couch. “I totally don’t mind at all. It would be nice to start up a new little fling. It won’t be weird for you, will it?”

“Not at all, it’s not like you’re…oh my god.” She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

“What?”

“I totally get where he was coming from now.” She groans.

“What do you mean?”

“He said he told me that, uh, his other friend thought I was cute, and I told him I was mad because he sent the two of you away, and that he couldn’t tell me who I could and couldn’t fuck, but I would have been so mad if you slept with Harry.”

“I wouldn’t have, though. I know how much you like…” She gasps. “Do you think he likes you too?!”

“I don’t know, maybe!” Y/N takes her phone out to text Harry that she’s up and that she’ll be over within the hour. “I’m going to his place for a late lunch, he wants to apologize, but I owe him one just the same. I flipped out for no reason.”

“Well, at least you’re realizing it. Very adult of you.”

“Oh, shut up.” She nudges her and gets up to change.

Y/N gets to Harry’s around 3PM. She paired a green cardigan and a black tank top with a pair of jeans. She gets out of the car and rings his bell. She giggles when she hears Max barking from behind the door.

“Shh, it’s just Y/N.” Harry coos to Max as he opens his door. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Um, come in.” He moves aside and lets her in. “Here, think he misses you.” Y/N takes Max from Harry and snuggles him close.

“It’s only been a couple days.” She pouts at the dog.

“Come, sit, the food’s ready.”

Y/N sets Max down and sits down at the table. Harry already had the grilled cheese and soup out on the table.

“This looks good, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Harry…I know you wanted to apologize, but I realized today that you weren’t totally in the wrong.”

“Yes I was.” He sighs and blows on his soup before slurping some from his spoon. “Maybe it wasn’t what I said, but it was how I said it. I overstepped. You’re a grown woman, I had no right to tell my friend he couldn’t hit it on you.”

“Well, it all worked out because Charlotte seems to have a new fuck buddy on her hands.” She chuckles and takes a bite of her sandwich. “Look, I appreciate you saying all that, but when I was talking to her earlier, I realized I would have done the same thing. I would have told my friends not to flirt with you or try to pick you up, and I would have been pissed if one of them slept with you.”

“You would have?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You know why.” She grumbles. “I…I mean…”

“We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here, Y/N.” He sighs and sits back in his chair.

“We are?”

“Yes. I did a lot of thinking last night, did some talking with my friends. I had to really think about why I got so upset. The thing is, you’re my TA, and you’re going to be my TA next semester as well, most likely. I have a meeting about it Monday. Selfishly, I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

“In more ways than one, obviously.” She smirks.

“Don’t be cute.” He gives her a playful smile. “I think I’d miss you too much, to be honest. I like sharing my office with you. Your help with Max has been great, you’re, like, part of my life now.”

“Is there some rule that says that we can’t…like…go out?”

“I don’t know…I think it would look unprofessional on my part. I know you’re not one of my students, so it’s not as bad as that, but I still have a position of power over you, and if someone found out something was going, it could look really bad. I wouldn’t want something to taint your reputation either.”

“Well, I’ve been over here twice now, and no one’s said a thing.”

“You haven’t been on campus since Thursday. Someone could easily say something to us Monday.”

“A lot of people know I help with Max.”

“Some people may know you used to be a student of mine as well. They could assume something’s been going on for years.”

“Not true, wouldn’t people know about Kelly?” Harry grimaces at the name. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“So…I feel like we’re just going around in circles here, Harry. Like, what are we doing?”

“Well, if I vouch for you to be my TA again next semester, would you? The course would be for Creativity and the Visual World, and I think you could really shine there, talk about IDS. Also, I don’t know what your plans are after you graduate, or where you’ll want to go, but I’ve caught wind that one of the instructional designers on campus is going to retire at the end of the school year.”

“Wow, so you’re like really trying to keep me around.” She smirks.

“It’s not like that.” He chuckles. “I just mean, it could be a good first gig for you. You’re very good at all that, thought you might be interested to know there’s going to be an opening. You know the campus well, it would be a smooth transition for you.”

“That would be ideal, I do want to work in higher ed when I’m done.”

“I could help you with your cover letter, I’m really good at writing those. I’ve helped plenty of students.”

“I’ll definitely look into it.” She finishes what she can of the food, and sits back as well.

“I really am sorry about last night, I felt awful.”

“It’s okay, I really get it.” She sighs. “So…I still don’t know what we’re doing. Are we just choosing not to date anyone else and also not each other? Why should I wait until I graduate to be with someone?”

“M’not asking you to do that. I don’t really know what I’m asking you to do. I just don’t want to be a cliché. The young professor getting with someone that works for him. I’m attracted to you, I can admit that, but I don’t want to get fired, nor do I want your name getting dragged through the mud.”

“So, essentially, while I’m your TA we can’t do anything.”

“Correct.”

“And you’d rather suffer and have me be your TA again next semester just to have me around you, even though it would mean we still couldn’t do anything.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, after the holidays I’ll be staying at my apartment for winter break. We pay for a full year, and I like having the time alone. I also still work at Bento’s.” She stands up and puts her things in the sink.

“What are you saying exactly?”

“I’m saying, over winter break we’re in limbo. I won’t be your TA, and I’ll be all alone in my three bedroom apartment. Perhaps there’ll be a night I’m feeling especially lonely and you’ll have the marvelous idea of visiting me with Max, and whatever happens will happen.”

“And then what? Act like it didn’t when the spring semester starts?”

“I guess we’d cross that bridge when we come to it. All I know is that for six weeks, you will in no way have a position of power over me. By the way, I’m twenty-three years old, it’s like you said, I’m a grown woman. You’re not taking advantage of me. I know how it would look to others, so I can respect where you’re coming from. However, I’d like to try things out before I tell someone I’m going to wait for them.”

With that, Y/N gives Max one last squeeze, and out the door she goes. She was proud of herself. Harry liked her, and he wanted to be with her. It was a dream come true. She also didn’t mind sort of waiting for him, it would just make things all the more hot when they’d finally be able to come together.

The rest of the semester went by…okay. There was a lot of tension, a lot of it. Harry was just thankful it was getting colder which meant that Y/N was bundling up more. She did, however, look insanely cute in her many layers and scarves. They were busy grading, not having much time for chat chit. She started going over his place more, though. They would have little grading parties where they could just spread out and get things done. His place was also another quiet haven for her to escape to.

Charlotte hooked with Niall almost every weekend, it was pretty cute. They were having fun, and Y/N was happy for her friend. Even though sometimes Y/N wished Harry would just fuck her on his kitchen table on top of all the graded papers and tests, and maybe sometimes he fantasized about the same thing, but it had to stay professional. She didn’t want him regretting anything. Sometimes he would come into Bento’s when she was working, she even snuck him in early one morning to show him how she made the croissants he liked so much. They were essentially dating, but without all the physical stuff.

At least Y/N could catch some relief later at night in her bed. She didn’t think of Harry at first. Her routine mostly consisted of headphones, pornhub, and a few orgasms. But there was one particular night her and Harry were sitting in front of his fireplace, and he just looked so sexy, and she wanted him to take her on his living room floor, she didn’t even care if her tailbone would be bruised the next day. She still hadn’t even seen his fucking bedroom, it was the one part of the house she wasn’t allowed in. So she start fantasizing about his bed, and then one thing led to another and she ended up moaning out his name in a shallow breath. It had caught her by surprise, and she was almost embarrassed about it.

Harry would have been lying if he said he wasn’t doing the same thing. It mostly happened early in the morning when he’d take his shower. It just sort of happened. He woke up one morning, rolled over and wished she was there next to him. He had seen her fall asleep so many times, and he thought she was incredibly cute. He liked having Max in the bed, but he wanted Y/N. So when he got into the shower he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. He didn’t feel embarrassed, he didn’t feel guilty, he mostly felt annoyed because he just wanted the real thing.

It was confirmed that Y/N would be his TA again in the spring, and they were both exited. He liked having her in his office, and he thought they worked together really well. It was worth it, it was all going to be worth it.

Harry went home to London for the holidays, and Y/N went home to her parents’ house. It was a tough goodbye. They hugged, and maybe they kissed each other on the cheek, but neither wanted to let go. Y/N loved seeing her family, but ten days was plenty. She liked having her apartment to herself. Nessa and Charlotte wouldn’t be back for a few weeks. That meant Y/N could watch whatever she wanted on TV, she didn’t have to worry about being quiet on the early mornings she had to work, and she could take a long shower.

A big snow storm was coming, which was starting to make Y/N nervous. Stores were closing in preparation, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to weather it alone.

Y/N: are you back from London? Can’t remember when you said you’d be home…

Harry: hey! I was just going to message you, I got back yesterday, was just sleeping off the jetlag. What’s up?

Y/N: this impending storm is freaking me out…

Harry: do you wanna get snowed in at my place? Just stalked up at the grocery store…

Y/N: are you sure? I don’t wanna be a burden :(

Harry: you wouldn’t be! You know I want to see you, so does Max :)

Y/N: okay! I’ll pack a bag and head over, see you soon!

Harry had been cute while he was away, sending Y/N a few selfies of him and Max. She had been to his house so many times, this wouldn’t be weird at all to spend a couple of snowy days together. She gets all her things packed, and makes her way to Harry’s. It was just starting to flurry when she parked in his driveway. He comes outside to help her with her things.

“And this time, you’ll let me set up the pullout for you. No need to sleep on a couch for two days.”

“Okay.”

She was hoping he’d give in and let her sleep in his bed with him. Actually, she was hoping he’d pick her up, swing her around, and kiss her. He sets her things down and waits for her to take her coat off, then he hugs hers.

“Had a good holiday?” He asks as he lets her go.

“Yeah, it was good. You?”

“It was great, love getting to see my family.” Max comes trotting in and greets Y/N.

“There’s my little man.” She scoops him up and gives him kisses.

“I was just going to make some tea, would you like some?”

“Please.” She plops down with Max on the couch.

“Do you have to work at Bento’s during all this? I can drive you if you want.”

“No, they closed in preparation of the storm.”

“Oh, good!”

Y/N turns the TV on, and scrolls through Netflix for something simple to watch. Harry comes over with two mugs of tea and he sits down next to her.

“Find anything good? Feel like it’s all Christmas movies right now.”

“Nothing yet…” She squints at the TV. “How about…oh! Have you watched Love, Victor yet? It’s been on my list for ages.”

“Is it based off of Love, Simon?”

“Yeah! This kid Victor is new in town, and ends up going to the same school Simon did.”

“Sure, we could watch that.”

“Shit, it’s on Hulu, you have that right?”

“Mhm, gimme the remote, I’ll switch it over.” She hands it to him and sips on her tea while he queues it up.

“Mm, this is tasty, what is it?”

“It’s black tea with honey, love.” He looks at her wants to laugh. “I don’t usually add anything, but I thought you’d like the honey.”

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

The show starts just as the sun was setting outside. Y/N pulls the blanket Harry keeps on the back of the couch over her legs, and Max moves to Harry’s lap.

“Let me know if I’m being a blanket hog.”

“S’alright, he keeps me pretty warm.”

“Don’t be annoying.” She huffs and spreads the blanket out equally over them. “See, nice and cozy.”

“I’m not being annoying, I’m being…respectful.”

“Golly gee, thanks, mister.” She pouts at him and he rolls his eyes.

��Now who’s being annoying?”

A couple of episodes in, and Harry’s stomach starts rumbling.

“Are you hungry? I can pop a pizza in the oven, or make some pasta?”

“Pizza would be perfect, thank you.”

“Pause it, I just need a minute to get it in the oven.”

Y/N nods and scrolls through her phone while she waits for him to come back. This was nice. It was like they were hanging out as friends, which was okay, but she was hoping he’d make a move for fuck’s sake.

“Alright, should be about fifteen minutes.” He smiles and gets back under the blanket. Y/N presses and play and they get back into it.

After the pizza, they nearly almost binge the entire show. Harry was starting to doze off, so they decide to call it a night. He looks outside in the kitchen window.

“I am not looking forward to digging out our cars. Times like this I wish I had a garage.” He sighs.

“You say that like you’ll be doing it alone. I’ve got all my snow gear, I can help.”

“Right, like I’d let you break your back out there.” He scoffs, and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Let me make up the pullout for you.”

Y/N watches as Harry moves the coffee table, and hoists the pullout into place. The sheets were already on it, so he just lays the blankets and pillows out.

“Well, I’ll be upstairs with Max if you need anything. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, thanks again for letting me stay. I think I would have been scared all alone.”

“No worries, I’m glad you’re here. I, uh, missed you over the holidays.” He clears his throat and heads upstairs.

Y/N does her nightly routine and puts on a tank top and pajama pants for bed. She gets onto the pullout and tries to listen to some music to fall asleep, but the wind was whipping so harshly outside, it was making her uneasy. She hated storms more than anything. Would Harry mind if she crawled into bed with him? She could even sleep on the floor. She just didn’t want to be down here alone. She sighs and slowly gets out of the bed. She makes her way upstairs.

Harry’s bedroom was the entire upstairs, it was sort of like a loft. He had a king sized bed, a decent looking bedroom set, and an en suite. Y/N thought it was really nice, well, what she could make out of it since it was so dark.

“Harry?” She whispers. His head was in his pillow, sleeping on his tummy.

“Mm?” He grunts, clearly out of it.

“I’m a little scared downstairs, would it be alright if I slept on the floor up here?”

“Get in.” He mumbles.

“Really, are you sure? Because I-“

He flips some of the covers back, eyes still closed. Y/N takes a deep breath and gets into the bed. Max was half asleep, but he moves away from Harry to make room for her, plopping down near his feet. Y/N climbs in and faces away from him. This was such a large bed for one guy, and it made her wonder who was the last person to share it with him. She wanted to keep a respectful distance from him, but before she could start counting sheep, his arm was wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him. Her breath hitched, but she could hear his steady breathing, he was definitely asleep. He must just sleep better when he’s holding onto something, she thinks.

Harry’s eyes flutter open around 5AM. He was used to getting up that early to take Max out, but for some reason he felt like he got some of the most restful sleep he’s gotten in a long time. He feels warm and cozy, and even though he knows he needs to get up and brave the cold so his dog could relieve himself, he found himself nuzzling in to whatever he was holding onto.

That’s when it hits him that he wasn’t dreaming last night, and Y/N genuinely came up into his room because she was feeling uneasy being all alone downstairs. She was still fully clothed, but he wasn’t he was only in his boxers. His leg was between hers, and she was pressed up against him. He wondered if she slept well like this. Just because he slept better holding onto something didn’t mean that she would.

He makes subtle movements, not wanting to wake her. He nearly winced leaving the warmth of the bed, but he got through it. Max pops his head up and Harry puts his finger up to his lips to signal that he needed to be quiet. Harry snatches his sweatpants and a pair of socks, and grabs Max to take him downstairs. He throws his coat and boots on, gets the leash on Max, and out the door he goes. He shoves his beanie down over his ears as he feels the wind whip around. There were snow drifts everywhere and it was still coming down. He uses the flashlight on his phone so Max could see what he was doing.

“Come on, buddy, I know it’s cold, but Daddy doesn’t wanna be out here long.” He wanted to get back to Y/N.

Once Max does his business, Harry gets him so food and fresh water. He strips himself of his jacket and socks, but leaves his sweatpants on. He was shirtless, but he was too groggy from the morning to care. Once Max is all set, Harry carries him upstairs so his collar doesn’t jingle around. He plops him on the bed, and he goes right over to Y/N to curl up with her. Harry uses the bathroom quick, brushing his teeth and all that, and then slowly slides back into bed. Y/N hadn’t moved, still laying on her side facing away from him, so he just wraps himself back around her. Well, he thought she hadn’t moved. The second she heard the door close downstairs, she sprinted down to “her” bathroom to wash up and brush her own teeth. She wasn’t sure if morning snuggles would ensue, but she wanted to be fresh if they did.

A sigh leaves Harry’s lips as he settles back in, pressing nice and close to her and keeping his arm around her waist. She gives it a few minutes, and then she adjust against him. She could tell he was wearing sweatpants now, and not just his boxers. She was subtle about it, not fully pressing her ass against him, just a simple adjustment, so he didn’t think anything of it. After another couple of moments, she presses back into him, and he involuntarily presses forward towards her. He was definitely starting to get hard. He grips her waist a little tighter as he continues to press into her.

“Mm, Harry?” She rolls onto her back to look up at him.

“Hi.” He moves his hand away from her lower stomach to move some hair away from her face. “How’d you end up here, hm?” He asks softly.

“Storms really scare me, and the wind was loud.” She starts smiling. “Feel much better now.” His hand slides down to cup her jaw. “I asked first and you told me to get in.”

“I did, didn’t I…”

“Pulled me right up close to you, it was nice.” She sighs.

“Can’t remember the last time I slept so well, to be honest.”

He lets go of her and flops onto his back, groaning. She rolls onto her side and props herself up with her elbow, resting her cheek on her palm.

“You make things so difficult for yourself. I’m not your TA right now.”

“But you will be again.”

“Because you wanted me to be.”

He looks at her and pouts.

“We’ll see each other more this way.”

“But…wouldn’t it be nice to go out on dates and touch and-“

“You’ve seen how busy I am, I rarely have time to see my friends as it is. I’d feel guilty for not being able to do those things with you.”

“You have me to yourself for the next four weeks, Harry, and the girls won’t be back until a week before school starts.”

“We’d have to stop when the semester starts back up, and wait again. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that.”

“We could be discrete.”

“I’d have to be a little cold towards you.”

“You’re no stranger to that.” She scoffs.

“Y/N.” Harry’s hand finds her hip. “This is serious.”

“I’m about to graduate, from grad school, Harry. It’s not like I’m some eighteen year old girl sitting in one of your classes. I’m twenty-three, and you’re twenty-six, it’s really not that weird.”

“I’ll be twenty-seven next month.” He mutters.

“Great, then we can go out and celebrate when the time comes. Is there something in a handbook saying we can’t…do this?”

“It’s extremely frowned upon, I can assure you.” He groans again before speaking. “This is so frustrating, it’s not like you’re my first TA either, fuck, even I was a TA. Shit like this never happened. I’ve never been…attracted to someone I’ve worked with before.”

“You’re probably the only professor I’ve been into before.”

“See, right there, you had a thing for me when you were in my class only a couple of years ago, and-“

“And nothing happened then. You barely remembered me when I first came to your office. I was a flustered senior, that was it. Now…well, I know you now. I’m way less nervous around, I feel like I can really talk to you.”

“I feel the same way.” He sighs. “Fucking, Christ.” He yanks her down to her chest, and she yelps. His fingers scratch at her scalp and she nearly whimpers at how nice it feels to lay on his chest, having him play with her hair. “We can lay here a little longer, and then I need to go to move some of the snow.”

“I’m helping.” She puts a leg over his. “And you’re still a little…riled up, don’t you want to-“

“No.”

“But I could-“

“Y/N.” She looks up at him. “Just lay here with me.”

They both doze back off for a bit until Max starts barking. He must need to pee. Harry gets up and tells Y/N she can shower if she wants to.

“I’ll wait, I’ll get sweaty shoveling.”

“It’s my house, you don’t need to help.” He throws on a long sleeve shirt and thick socks. He looks at her crossing her arms over her chest. “Here.” He tosses her one of his sweaters. “Come on, Max.”

They all head downstairs. His sweater smelled just like him. She hoped she could keep this too just like with the pj’s he had given her a couple of months ago. He takes Max out quick, and then sets him back inside so he can get to shoveling. Y/N decides she could make him breakfast since he wouldn’t let her help outside.

She goes through his fridge and cupboards to find some different things. She wanted to make something that would take some time so it would be warm for him when he got inside.

“Muffins!” She says to herself as she rifles through his baking supplies.

She whips up a mixture of blueberry muffins and get them popped in the oven. She has the glorious idea to slice them in half and butt them up on his griddle when they’re done, just to give it a little crunch. Next, she cracks some eggs into the pan, and makes them sunny side down because she remembers him making them that way. She even finds some bacon to throw on the griddle.

When he comes inside, his nostrils are hit with everything she’s made. Everything was on plates on the kitchen table, and she was washing everything in the sink. He strips down to his boxers, having been drenched with sweat after digging out their cars. The snow was still falling, but it was good to get ahead of things before it all froze.

“Harry, I made…” She freezes when she looks at him. Seeing his full body in the light was much different than in the hazy darkness of his bedroom.

“I didn’t know I had blueberry muffins.” He says as he looks down at the plates.

“You, um, you didn’t, I made them.”

“From scratch?”

“Well, yeah.”

He picks up the muffin bottom and takes a bite. His eyes close for a second as he gets a good taste. It was buttery and a bit crisp from being on the griddle. It was perfection. He turns to her after he swallows.

“You’re…a literal angel.” He steps closer to her, and he notices her eyes drift down and back up. “I’ll go put some clothes, and then-“

She puts a hand on his chest. Her eyes plead with his. Just kiss me, she silently says to him. His hands fly up to her jaw, and he pulls her in, lips crashing together, finally. She melts into him immediately. His tongue slides along her bottom lip, and she opens up for him. She can taste the blueberry muffin on him, and it makes her suck on his tongue. He groans against her, and his hands slide down to her ass to get a good squeeze. She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him even closer.

“Harry.” She breathes against his lips.

He gets a good grip on her and lifts her up to sit her on the counter. He quickly draws the shades for the window above the sink so anyone out shoveling wouldn’t be able to see anything. He tugs at the sweater of his he was wearing and lifts it off her. Her legs open wide for him to stand between. His lips attach to the crook of her neck, sucking, licking, biting. Her hips buck towards his as she tugs at his hair. One of his hands lifts her shirt slightly, and she thinks he’s going to feel her breasts up, but instead his fingers find the band of her pajama pants. He stops to look at her.

“Can I?”

“Yes.”

His hand dips below, and it’s almost like he’s searching for something else.

“Are you not wearing any knickers?”

“No.” She blinks at him. “I don’t usually wear underwear to bed.”

“Jesus Christ.”

She opens her legs a little wider for him, and he groans when his fingers touch around her folds, and he feels her wetness sticking to him already. His other arm wraps around behind her to hold her close to him. He plays around with her, fingers rubbing all around until his middle finger slides in. She gasps, not having expected so much so soon, but she wasn’t complaining. She clutches at his shoulders when she feels another finger slip inside. He twists them around, just getting a feel for things, and he curls them up, knowing this was what she really wanted.

“Oh! Oh my god.” Her head rolls back. He was make that come here motion right on that sweet spot of her front wall. His lips find her neck again as he continues. His thumb starting to rub on her clit. “Oh fuck, Harry, oh my god.” She didn’t realize how whiney she could sound, but he loved. She was a mess for him.

“Been thinking about this for so long.” He says into her ear.

“Me too.” She was panting now. “It feels so good.”

“Yeah? Like having my fingers buried inside you?”

Her mouth falls open. He was into dirty talk and it made her clench around him.

“Yes, oh my fucking god, yes.” She bites down on his collar bone to try to muffle any louder noises, but he was knuckle deep, fucking her with his fingers, it was no use. “Harry, I’m so close, oh fuck!”

His hand around her waist reaches up to tug at the back of her head. He wanted to watch her go through the motions. He wanted to see just how good he was making her feel. Her eyes rolls into the back of her head as she continues to beck forward. Her release was long, and so very good. She cried out, maybe a little louder than she should have, but he wasn’t telling her to keep it down. Did he want his neighbors to hear? Did he want them to know how good he could fuck someone?

He slows down his motions inside of her, helping her through the aftershocks, and then he slowly retracts his fingers. He sucks them into his mouth and then steps away from her. She was breathless. He kisses her cheeks and then helps her hop down from the counter.

“You made such a nice breakfast, let’s not let it go to waste.”

“Harry…” She watches him sit down.

“What?”

“Don’t you want to-“

“I’m all sweaty, I’d like to take a shower before going further if that’s alright with you.”

“Okay.”

She sits down with him and eats her food that she was now ravenous for.

“You really made this from scratch?”

“Yeah, I’m glad you like it.”

“It’s delicious.”

They finish eating and decide to clean up later. She follows him upstairs to his shower. He helps her out of her clothes and lets her get in first. She throws her hair up into a bun so it doesn’t get soaked. He rids himself of his boxers and gets in behind her. She moves aside so he can wash up. She presses her front to his back, and her hands roam along his long torso.

“You made me feel so good, I think it’s your turn.”

She kisses on his back while she starts to stroke his hardening length. It felt so big in her hand. Harry’s head falls to his chest, and he presses a palm to the tile wall to keep himself grounded. She runs her thumb over his tip and he groans. He grabs her hand and turns around. He backs her up to the opposite wall, cradling the back of her head as he basically slams her against it. His lips are on hers in seconds. Everything felt hot and wet, and just otherworldly. Y/N couldn’t enough. In the back of her head she kept thinking that she couldn’t believe this was happening. It wasn’t often that she got what she wanted.

“Please, fuck me.” She says against his lips.

“I don’t have any condoms.” He kisses down her neck and kneads her breasts.

“I’m on the pill.”

“S’not what I’m worried about.” He pulls his head back to look at her. “Are you clean?”

“I am, actually. I was tested last time I went to the doctor. Are you?”

“I am.” He smiles. “So…you really wanna feel all of me? Just like that?”

“Yes.” She whines. “Please.”

He kisses her and bites on her bottom lip, sucking on it as he pleases. He lifts one of legs up over his hip, and uses his other hand to line himself up. She was still plenty wet, so he’s able to push inside.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He grunts, trying to push further inside her. “So tight.”

“I…Christ, I think you’re just really big.” She gasps once he’s all the way inside.

His head drops to watch himself slowly thrust in and out of her. He bites his bottom lip at the sight. He looks back up at her, watching her features.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Could you maybe just hold my leg up?”

Harry nods and hooks his arm under leg, driving in deeper. Her head rolls back against the tile. Once he knew she was okay, he didn’t let up. He was fucking her hard and fast, only slowing up so he could hear her whimper and beg for more. Her nails were clawing at his back, and it was just egging him on. He uses his other hand to rub at her clit. She was starting to breathe heavier, moan after moan leaving her lips. He could tell she was close.

“Gonna come again for me?”

“Yes, fuck, I’m almost there, Harry!”

He sucks the tender skin of her neck between his teeth, and that’s what pushes her over the edge. Her senses totally overwhelmed. He gasps when he feels how deeply her nails dig into him from going through the motions of her orgasm. He pulls out of her quickly and comes on her stomach. He’s out of breath, pressing kisses to her cheek and neck.

“No going back now.” He says as he caresses her cheek.

“Nope.” She smiles.

He pecks her lips and turns back around to stand in the water again. Her eyes grow wide and he winces once the water cascades over him.

“Harry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

“It didn’t hurt while it was happening, is it bleeding?” He looks over his shoulder trying to see for himself.

“Um…I broke the skin, but it’s not bloody.” She blushes. “Yikes, that’s embarrassing.”

“No it’s not.” He chuckles and moves so she can rinse her stomach off in the water. She turns it off and they both step out to towel off. “I wasn’t hurting you was I?”

“No, oh my god, it felt so good. Feels like I’m still throbbing.”

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close. She rests her hands on his chest.

“Do you like ice skating?”

“What?” She laughs. “Yeah, I love it, why?”

“Because once this storm is over, m’taking you on a proper date.” He kisses her forehead and lets her go. “Would you like that?”

“I’d love it.”

Harry was so peculiar, Y/N thought. One second he’s saying they can’t be together and the next he wants to take her out on a date. What she didn’t know was that he had never felt quite so good while having sex. It wasn’t because she felt incredibly tight around him, it had more to do with the trust and natural connect. He felt happy, a feeling he thought would never return.

To Y/N’s surprise, Harry was a really good ice skater. The two of them were like a real couple. He would visit her at work, they’d go out to the bar with his friends, and they’d have sleep overs at each other’s places. He quite liked her apartment. Not to mention, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. If they were going for a brisk walk, his hand was in hers. If they were sitting through a move, his arm was around her shoulders, and of course they were having a lot of sex. Even when she had her period, he fucked her.

“Got my red wings years ago, promise it doesn’t gross me out.” He had told her.

And god, when he ate her out. Sometimes they wouldn’t even have full on sex. Sometimes they’d be on the couch, and he’d ask if she would ride her face, and then they would just sixty-nine. Sometimes she would just blow him because she liked the way his come tasted. Harry drank a fuck ton of pineapple juice, even before they started hooking up, he always had a small can of it in his office. He just liked the taste. They were just intimate in all sorts of ways, totally comfortable.

It was when Nessa and Charlotte returned that Harry’s bubbled had to burst. School would be starting in a week, and he needed to make sure his shit was together. He had been to the office a few times, working to make sure his courses were together. He and Y/N were professional and went over the class she would be the TA for.

“This is gonna have to be what it’s like when school starts again, don’t forget.” He would say. It killed her, but she would never do anything to put his job at risk, even if she didn’t think their situation was all that serious. She had to respect his wishes.

“I’d feel more comfortable if you slept over at my place since their home.”

“Harry, they know what’s been going on…Niall and Charlotte still talk, and they-“

“I don’t care, I’d rather you be here…and only on the weekends.”

“What?”

“Saturday nights can be our night. On the weekends, you’re not my TA.”

“What will I be then?”

“My girl.”

They had put the boyfriend/girlfriend label chat on the back burner, but that was all she needed to hear to know that she was really his, and he certainly didn’t want someone else trying to steal her away. He had gotten her a necklace, it was simple, but very much her style. A way of showing her how much she truly meant to him.

“Anytime during the week you’re feeling like I don’t want you because I can’t show my affection, this will be your reminder of how much I care.”

She thought it was incredibly sweet, and it was nice to have the reassurance. When classes started, it was definitely difficult. The one thing getting her through this first week was his birthday party on Saturday. Just a small thing with friends at the bar, but still. They wouldn’t have to hide there, or so she thought. Some other professors were invited to the party, which meant Harry couldn’t touch Y/N. He frowned immediately. He wasn’t in charge of the guest list. He pulls Y/N to the side before they walk into the main area.

“I’m so sorry, I promise when we get back to my place later I’m gonna love on you all night.”

“Harry, it’s okay. It’s your birthday, I’m the one that’ll be doing the loving. Go on, enjoy.”

He gives her a discrete peck on the cheek, and then walks into the main room to say hello to everyone. Y/N invited Charlotte and Nessa, so she had other people to talk to. Niall’s arm was hooked around Charlotte’s waist the entire night. Y/N and Nessa teased her every chance they got.

“I’ve been told to check in on you. Orders from the birthday boy.” Louis says to Y/N.

“Thanks.” She chuckles. “It’s okay. Next year things will be totally different.”

“Really see things lasting then, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question.

“I think so, yeah. If the person who he said actually retires, I’m hoping to be able to work at the university to start out.”

“That would be great. He raves about you, you know? He’s a simple guy, likes being domestic. I think he said one of his favorite things to do with you is just cook a meal together.”

“Aw, he’s so sweet.” She pouts. “I like doing that too.”

Harry was mingling with everyone that came out for his birthday. Everyone sang to him, a cake was made him too. The second he tasted it he knew Y/N had baked it. He thought at the least they could have their picture taken together, that wouldn’t look weird.

“Harry!” One of the faculty members, Constance, comes over to him, a young woman by her side. “There’s someone I want you to meet, this is my daughter, Angie.”

“Oh! Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He politely shakes her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She blushes.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Constance winks and walks away.

“I’m so sorry about her. She conned me into coming here, hope I’m not crashing your birthday.”

“You’re not.” He looks back at Y/N and then to Angie. “So, this is a set up then?”

“She seems to think we have a lot in common.”

“And perhaps we might, but…I’m sort of seeing someone. It’s a…long distance thing, so she’s not here tonight, unfortunately.”

“Oh! She could have sworn you were single, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m sure you’re lovely, I just really like this woman and I don’t want to screw it up.” He smiles and she nods.

Harry finally makes his way over to Y/N and Louis.

“Do me a favor,” He says to Louis, taking out his phone. “Take a picture of us.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N asks.

“Positive.” He smiles and puts an arm around her shoulders. Louis snaps a couple of shots and hands Harry his phone back. “Sorry you won’t be able to post these…”

“Well, I could, my insta is private, but we can talk about it later.”

“Lou, could you drop Y/N off at my place when this is over, we drove together, but I don’t wanna risk anyone seeing us leave in the same car.”

“Course, mate.”

Harry nods and walks away to continue talking to other people.

“He acts like you’re his student. I don’t see anything wrong with you two doing what you’re doing.”

“I don’t either.” She sighs. “But he worked so hard to get where he is, I have to respect doing things his way. It was a long week, but I’m happy to be going back to his place later.”

Y/N’s lips were on Harry’s the second he let her through the door. He made sure to get home before her so they didn’t even leave at the same time. She had him pushed against the wall and his hands were all over her.

“Missed you so fucking much.” He says, walking her back towards the living room. “And I loved the watch you got me, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Wanted to.” She starts unbuttoning his shirt and pushes him down on the couch, straddling him in no time.

“Gonna let me lick it, angel?”

“Is that what you want?”

“You have no idea. You’re as sweet as the cake you made me.”

“How did-“

“Y/N, I know it’s only been a month, but I’d know your baked goods anywhere.” He smirks.

She giggles and stands up to unbutton her jeans. He yanks them down her legs along with her panties and she kicks them to the side. Harry lays down on the couch and Y/N hovers over his face. He liked it better this way. One, he didn’t have to get on his knees and suffer through the pain of being on the hardwood. Two, he liked the way Y/N would just ride his tongue.

Max was upstairs, thanks to the gate. So they didn’t have to worry about him coming down and jumping on them.

“Fuck, Harry.” She moans. “Your tongue feels so good.” She rocks her hips back and forth on him, the stubble from his chin feeling extra delicious. He moans against her, lapping up every drop. “You like that, birthday boy? Like having me on you like this?” She looks down at him and see his eyes rolling into the back of his head. He sucks on her clit harshly, and that pushes her over the edge. “Oh, fuck!”

Once she’s through, she climbs off him. Before she knows it, he’s throwing her over his shoulder to bring her upstairs. He gives her bum a smack and she squeals. Y/N left plenty of scratch marks on Harry that night.

Y/N was antsy for every weekend. The weeks dragged on, and the weekends went by in a flash. Then she remembered something wonderful.

“Spring break!” She says, bursting into their shared office.

“What about it?” Harry chuckles.

“Two weeks off without the students!” She leans a little closer to him. “Two weeks of me not being your TA.” She grins and then sits down in her seat.

“We’ll be grading, darling.” He says nonchalantly.

“This is a pet name free zone, remember?”

“Sorry.” He smirks. “Didn’t think ‘darling’ would get your knickers in twist.”

“Fuck off.” She rolls her eyes. “Do we seriously have to grade? Can’t we do fun things? I have time off from school, I don’t wanna do anything.”

“M’surprised you don’t want to go home or go with your friends somewhere.”

“I’ve done the whole go to Florida and get blitzed thing, I’m all set. And I may go home for a couple of days, but I don’t really like being home long. Somehow I get stuck doing chores, and I get aggravated.”

“I’ll tell you what, if we get through enough of the grading, we can do something really fun.”

“Deal.” She smiles.

Sometimes Y/N felt like this was only hard for her, but it killed Harry. He had fantasies of bending Y/N over his desk, or even just kissing her good morning. He even started letting her come over on Friday nights instead of Saturday because he just couldn’t wait any longer. He knew he was being overly careful, but he just couldn’t risk it.

Harry stayed true to his word. They got through a lot of the grading so drove them out to the coast for a walk on the pier at a large beach. It was still too chilly for real beach weather, but there were less people around this time of year, and some of the shops were open. Y/N clung to Harry’s arm and they both just enjoyed the fresh air and the scenery. He took her to a nice dinner, and then they walked for a bit to watch the sunset.

“This was the perfect day.” She sighs as they begin their drive back to his place.

“It really was.” His rests his hand on her thigh and gives it a squeeze. “I love you, Y/N.”

She whips her head to look at him. His eyes were focused on the road. Tears start to prick at her eyes. No one ever said that to her before. She had been in relationships, but she never really got to a point for such strong words, and she certainly never felt it back.

“I love you, too.”

“Aw, look at us.” He smiles. “Two people in love.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that…” She sniffles.

“Hey, no need to cry, darling.”

“I just…no one’s ever told me they loved me before.”

“What?!” He squeezes her leg tighter. “But there’s so much to love. You’re kind, caring, an incredible baker, witty, funny, brilliant-“

“Harry, please.” She chuckles. “When we get home we’re making love.”

“I’ve made love to you before, just didn’t say anything. Anytime we’re really soft and careful, I’m making love to you.”

“God.” Her face flushes, thinking of the many sensual times he’s touched her. “Well, I can’t wait to do it again.”

It was a Tuesday, which meant Y/N wouldn’t be in the office with Harry. She had class and then a shift at Bento’s. He wanted her to be able to nap in between. He saw that the open IDS position had been posted, and he emailed her immediately. He couldn’t wait to work on her resume and cover letter together.

“Harry?” Constance knocks on the outside of his door.

“Hey, Connie! Come on in.” He beams at her. She squints at his collar, seeing just the top of a love bite.

“Did you see that girlfriend of yours this weekend?” She asks, as she sits down.

“Sure did.” He smiles. “I saw her for a while over spring break too, told her I loved her, and she said it back. I’m on cloud nine. M’sorry things didn’t line up with your daughter, she’s a very pretty girl. My friend Lou is single, maybe-“

“Harry, Harry.” She chuckles. “No worries at all, she’s been dating around a bit. I shouldn’t have just assumed you were single, and that’s great that you two are doing so well. I think I thought you weren’t seeing anyone because with your last girlfriend…well…you had pictures of her on your desk, and you gushed about her. We don’t even know this one’s name.”

“You will soon enough.” Harry did have pictures of Y/N, they were just discrete. His lock screen was the picture of them at his birthday, and his wallpaper was just a picture of her. He could look at her whenever he wanted. “She’s, uh, finishing up grad school.”

“Oh, good for her! Anyways, I came here to chat with you about my sabbatical. Obviously it’s turned into a full year instead of just the fall semester. We’re going to have a department meeting, but I wanted to see how you’d feel about stepping in as department chair while I’m gone.”

“Are you serious?!” He perks up.

“Yes.” She chuckles.

“That would be a dream! I have so many ideas, and-“

“It would mean you wouldn’t be able to teach as many classes, and you’ll have more responsibilities over winter and summer break.”

“That’s no problem, honestly. I only go to London for a couple of weeks, I’m usually in the area for summer. I’d love to give it a go. I didn’t think I’d be next in line.”

“It’s coming from my own suggestion. I’ve been doing this a long time, and I think you’d be great at it. It would sort of be a trial, and then when I come back we could reflect on the experience.”

Harry was buzzing, absolutely buzzing. He needed to tell Y/N about his good news, so he hops in his car, and zips over to her apartment. She was vegging out in a t-shirt and panties with Nessa and Charlotte, who were both dressed in the same thing. They hear the bell on their door.

“Who the fuck is that? It’s nearly nine.” Nessa says.

“No idea.” Y/N says, getting up to check it out. She sees Harry through the peephole. Her eyebrows raise, but she opens the door. “Dr. Styles, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Y/N, I’m sorry for…” He looks her up and down. “This is how you open the door?!”

“I saw it was you.” She shrugs and steps aside to let him in.

“Hi, Harry.” Charlotte and Nessa say at the same time.

“Hi girls.” He smiles and looks at Y/N. “I got great news today and I just had to see you, can we got to your room?”

“Of course.” Once they’re both in there, they sit on her bed. “So what’s up? I got your email about the job, I’m really excited.”

“Good news for both of us today. Connie, my department chair, came by to see me today, and she wants me to be department chair while she’s on sabbatical next year while she’s gone. It would be like a trial run. Me! Department chair! I have so many ideas, this is the opportunity I’ve been hoping for.”

“Oh, Harry.” She throws her arms around him. “That’s incredible, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks.” He holds her in his arms for a moment and then lets her go so he can stand up. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Harry…” She whines.

“Don’t start, I just wanted to see your face when I told you.”

“You could have FaceTimed me.”

“Oh.” He shakes his head. “It’s been a long day.” He chuckles.

“You can stay.”

“No, I can’t.” He caresses one of her cheeks. “I want to, but I can’t. Soon, babe, so soon.”

“Um…” She stands up and looks down. “If I get this job…I mean…the lease for this place is up June first, and…well…the girls are going to be working in schools, and won’t need to live here anymore, and…I mean, I could find new roommate and sign a new lease...”

“Or, you could come move in with me.” He takes her hands in his and kisses her knuckles.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I want you to. I want you around all the time. Being apart from you during the week really fucks with how clingy I naturally am.” He smirks.

“I like it, though. We spend all weekend in your big, comfy bed.”

“Look forward to it every week.” He sighs happily. “Just gotta get through you walking across that stage, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” He kisses her cheek. “I love you, sweet dreams.”

“I love you too.”

Harry helped Y/N apply for the job, and after two nerve-wracking rounds of interviews, and two weeks of pure stress that even Harry’s cock couldn’t squash, she got the call that she got the job. Harry took Y/N out to celebrate, they both nearly cried when she got the call. She told her parents and they were ecstatic.

“In a few years, if you feel like it, you could get your PhD for free through the university.” He says to her as they’re laying in bed.

“Hm, three degrees from the same place.” She taps her chin. “Doesn’t seem like a great idea.”

“If you can do it for free, you should. It was the smartest thing I ever did. Well that, and giving into you.”

“Giving into me?!” She laughs. “You make it sound like I seduced you.”

“I fell for you so hard. You’re just so wonderful.” He pouts. “Are your parents excited to meet me in a couple of weeks? I’m excited to meet them.”

“They’re definitely curious to see who the guy I’m going to be moving in with is.”

“Are you going to miss the girls?”

“So much! They’ve been great to live with. Nessa’s moving in with Andy. She found a college in the city he works in to teach at. She’s so good at putting productions together, I’m excited for her. Charlotte may be in the area, though. Something tells me the school she’ll be teaching at is close by to Niall.”

“I’ve never seen him so smitten. He takes the more serious part of a relationship slow, but once he’s in he’s in.” He pulls her closer to him. “Everything’s falling into place. I’ve been working with Connie to get prepared for the fall, and I couldn’t be more excited.”

“I’m really proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too, babe.”

The day they had both been waiting for was finally here. The graduate ceremony was in the evening, separate from the undergraduate ceremony. Y/N wouldn’t be able to see Harry until after the ceremony. She was busy with her parents and younger siblings. Harry may have clapped and cheered extra loud when she walked across the stage. Most people around him thought it was just because she had been his TA for an entire year. Literally no one suspected more was going on between them. After today it wouldn’t matter anyways.

There was a champagne reception after the ceremony. Y/N easily found her family.

“We’re so proud of you honey. Another degree, a new job, and you’re moving in with a guy!” Her mom says.

“I’m still not thrilled about the last part. We don’t even know him.” Her dad says.

“But I do, so it’s a good thing I’m the one living with him, not you.”

Harry makes his way through the crowd over to her and her family. He takes a deep breath, and when she spots him she squeals. She runs over and jumps into his arms. They kiss as he swings her around.

“You did it!”

“I did it!” They both jump up and down for a moment. “Come on.” She holds his hand to bring him over to everyone. “Harry, these are my parents, and my two younger siblings. Ellie is going to be a senior in college this fall, and Ryan is going to be a sophomore. He’s actually transferring here in the fall.”

“That’s great! Hi, it’s so nice to meet all of you.” He shakes everyone’s hands.

“Damn, a PhD.” Ellie whispers to her sister and winks. “Nice job.” The girls giggle together.

They all decide to go out to dinner together to get to know each other better. Harry and Y/N would be meeting up with Charlotte, Nessa, and the others at the bar once dinner was over. Y/N explains how they waited a while to make things official because Harry wanted to make sure things remained professional. Harry easily impressed her parents. He was incredibly smart and knew how to work people over. Even her dad was happy with him.

Y/N got pretty drunk at the bar with her friends, and Harry was able to keep his arms around her all night without a care in the world. When he got her inside his place, he couldn’t stop kissing her and telling her much he loved her over and over. She was excited to start her new job in a couple of weeks, and he was excited she genuinely wanted to stay, and wasn’t just doing this for him. They would spend the time before starting her job to get her all moved in. They even talked about getting a larger place at some point.

“I can’t wait to snuggle with Mac every night.” She giggles as she gets into bed.

“Hey, what about me?” He pouts.

“I guess you’re nice to snuggle with too.” She jokes.

“Mhm.” He kisses on her and hovers over her. “My girl’s got her master’s. You’re so fucking smart, it turns me on.”

“Really?”

“When we did those mock interviews in my office I couldn’t stop thinking about fucking you.”

“Does this mean we can get a little sneaky in your office now?” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Or are you staying firm with your open door policy?”

“Think I may have to reconsider it, but only for you.”

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles angst #harry styles slow burn #slow burn #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic #hope you like!

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mycrofts-gunbrella · 2 years

Text

Right, I honestly can’t believe I’m having to make a post like this but here we go..

A couple of days ago I found two gifs of Mark Gatiss loose on the internet. Not from a tumblr page, nor any website with a creditable name. I then uploaded these two gifs onto my dashboard and it gained a tiny bit of attention (less than 20 notes).

From here, I ended up getting an individual who claimed the gifs were hers- and I’m not doubting this, it’s whatever- and then proceeding to comment a url to the original post.

Great. That’s fine! Absolutely okay!

I merely then stated that the url didn’t work for me. But I apologised on my post, proceeded to ask if the individual would still like me to put their name down as credit, even though I didn’t get the gifs directly from her and had no form, therefore, of knowing who originally made them.

I had no answer. I then scrolled through my own dashboard and saw that this individual had made an entire new post with the whole of the gifset they had made with a smaller caption, at the time, of simply stating that they’d seen a post go round with two of their gifs and so she was re-posting the original.

Again, this is absolutely fine. No worries.. but I proceeded again to apologise, offer to give credit or, alternatively, just delete the post. I, again, had no answer.. but then saw that another comment had been added, indirecting me about taking the gifs and stating that people should give credit “and no- the ‘internet’ doesn’t count”. As though it was like I was lying about where I had found the gifs- I wasn’t. Trust me, I’m not that desperate for gifs, nor feigning recognition for running a three second video through an app to make it into a gif.

Once again, I apologised. I took down the post, reiterated that I genuinely didn’t find them on tumblr or anything alike, said sorry once more for the confusion and even reblogged their post stating my apology, outlined my mistake, and encouraged others to instead return to the original post and share from there instead.

I haven’t heard back from the individual at all during this, despite it being a fairly long time since I messaged and they have made other posts/comments or whatever since. I will now be taking the action to simply block them and get on with it- which is something I didn’t think I’d have to due as I usually love my interaction with the tumblr community.

I just never expected to be so rudely indirected and ignored following an honest mistake in which my apologies were ignored, despite my removal of what they claim I “stole”. Frankly, I feel pathetic even making this post, but I understand we have mutual pages in common and I just want to make it clear that I am not a bad person. I admit to my mistakes and errors, apologise for them, and rectify the situation to the best of my ability.

And I know it’s not really the point, and I know some people get more possessive over others about things.. but the fact this has come about over a gif is what has upset me more. Nothing would stop me taking literally about 3 minutes of my time to screenrecord the EXACT time stamp of the video in which this gif came from, and running it through a free app on my phone to make it a gif.. thus, making it my own. If it was an original piece of art work I found, honestly I’d accept any slander I received. As an artist, I’d be gutted seeing something that took hours of my time gaining attention without being credited.. but this was two gifs.. probably took no more than 5-10 minutes to make the entire set. By using an app and a public video available to everybody.

I just.. I’ve been having an awful time in my life with my mental health, and maybe this is why I’m taking it to heart a bit more. But being targeted by somebody over double my age over something so tiny has really upset me, especially since I tried all I could to rectify and apologise for it.

I won’t be on here for a while now. I need to sort my head out and let this blow over. I know it sounds dumb, but I just can’t be on here right now. Apologies to people enjoying my fics, I know I said I’d update soon, but I’m just not in the right headspace.

If you’re just going to comment negative stuff, don’t. Please. If you’re just going to forward this on to the person I blocked. There’s no point. I’ve apologised, I’ve deleted the post, and they’ve chosen not to accept. If they still make comments about me, I don’t want to know. If you can’t accept that this has upset me, just block me- I don’t want to have to deal with negativity on an account that has been my comfort for over four years now on a website I’ve loved for so much longer.

I’m going to delete the tumblr app and be completely inactive for a few days at the very least. Sorry again to the person I upset, sorry if you truly thought I stole something you had made intentionally, and sorry to anyone who I’ve upset in the process. Sorry for making this post.

See you whenever,

mycrofts-gunbrella

#apology #taking leave #sorry

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babbushka · 4 years

Text

Please read the whole thing ❤️

Hey everyone, Zannah here.

I’ve taken some time and stepped away from this platform after all the drama that happened a month or so ago, and in that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thank you all so much, for your kindness and support in allowing me to unplug for a little while, I really needed that break just for my own sanity. I hope that in this time, you all have been doing as well as you can in this very stressful year. I’d like to take this brief moment and thank my most dear friends who have been my rock. This experience has shown me that good friends, truthful friends, are hard to come by. If you have them, please make sure they know how much you love them.

You know, I’ve been on this platform for just about ten years. For a few of those years, I’ve been here in the AD community, and I can honestly say I’ve never had a more negative experience in my life, from the actions that I’ve witnessed and experienced. I stayed away from people I didn’t like, I didn’t read fic I didn’t like, I avoided content and artwork that upset me, because I’m an adult. And foolishly I was expecting others to do the same, because as I always say, your internet experience is up to you to cultivate. You are responsible for no one else’s actions other than your own.

I’ve dealt with people coming into my inbox condemning me for the way I interpret fictional characters from day one. I’ve dealt with people calling me slurs and names, telling me to kill myself, telling me they were going to kill me themselves, that I deserve awful unspeakable things, for not agreeing with the way that they interpret a fictional character. Those were all easy to ignore, because they were always, always either about my Jewishness, or about the Jewishness of my characters, and I have no time for bigots, I just don’t.

People got angry with me for having boundaries in not wanting to write certain things, or for not wanting to write them in the specific way that they wanted me to. People got angry with me for being frustrated, that time and time again I was being treating as some writing machine and not a person, by them not giving me the basic respect of checking the small list of tropes and themes I’m uncomfortable writing which I’ve made so accessible every time. Time and time again I became frustrated, being asked questions that I’ve made clear on so many occasions, that I was uncomfortable answering, or held negative opinions of.

And that was frustrating, because it was a level of entitlement I’d never seen before – people wanted my writing, but only if it satisfied their needs with little regard to my own feelings, and called me a bully when I didn’t comply. Still, it was just about the writing, and I could ignore that.

But then, strangers started getting angry with me because I had blocked them for whatever reason from seeing my content. Strangers got angry with me for standing up for myself when people tried to pull stunts in the inbox. When people asked me for advice or my opinion on a whole assortment of topics, they said I was being a bully because they didn’t like what I had to say. A difference of opinion is not a personal attack, but it seems as though many people haven’t grasped that concept. People said I was betraying others’ trust by answering anonymous asks on the internet, something that has exactly 0 risk or stakes in sending. People said I was a bitch when I tried to offer genuinely constructive and critical responses. People got angry that I blocked their IP address for sending me unwanted, anonymous, negative hot takes that I didn’t ask for, nor that I cared about. People said I never took accountability for anything, when in reality they just wanted me to change my mind about certain topics, and got angry when I held true to my convictions.

I hope you can all imagine why I didn’t respond pleasantly. Like every content creator on this website and on any website, we don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone writing, I don’t owe anyone answers, I don’t owe anyone attention or time. And something that I’ve learned most of all, is that I don’t owe people the pleasure of indulging in flame wars that get brought to my feet. I am not interested in wasting my time trying to defend myself and my good name, against people who have already made up their mind about me from a few misunderstandings, a single interaction, or a one-sided and angry perspective. I’m not interested in wasting my time over things that I know in my heart, aren’t true.

One thing people sometimes tell me, is that I was “rude to a perfectly genuine anon.” I would like to say this; there is absolutely no way for me to know the intention of any anon, other than the way the message comes across. And I’ll be the first to admit, often intention is misinterpreted! When that happens and the person reaches out, I always, every time, have apologized. And just as easy as it is for me to misinterpret someone’s genuine ask as rude or offensive, it is easy for my genuine responses to be interpreted as rude or clipped. Tone is difficult over the internet -- tone is difficult in text where these people are anonymous strangers and I have no idea who they are or with which intentions they’re coming from.

That being said, people can still say hurtful things without the intention of doing so. People have said unintentionally hurtful things to me, and I now realize that I have said things which have been hurtful to others. Good intentions mean nothing, when real hurt and pain is caused. To those people, I would like to give a genuine and sincere apology. I hope, as all I can ever do is hope, that folks here know I never come from a place of malice. Moving forward, I will do my best to respond in ways that I hope will come across as respectful as possible, even when disagreeing. I believe the only legitimate form of apology is changed behavior, and I intend to make that change so that this space can be more inclusive and welcoming, as I have only ever wished it to be.

Because, well, I like to think that we have made a welcoming and inclusive space, a space where we are able to respect one another’s boundaries. I am just one person, just a girl with a blog on the internet who has tried to forge a community of peers and friends. I am not a politician with a PR team approving my every post, there are no mods here to help me interact with you guys. I’m just a girl who writes fanfic and posts it on the internet. I write fanfic that makes me happy, that I’m proud of, for me, and I am happy to share it with you. Especially because through that fanfic, I’ve met incredible wonderful people, and I’m thankful for all of you.

Through having this blog, I’ve met people that I consider to be lifelong friends -- people that I plan on building a future with, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve met people who have become inspired to write their own fanfic or start their own blogs, and even when it’s a subject matter that’s not something I’m interested in or one that I personally don’t like, I have always, always been encouraging. Because this is a hobby, this is something people should be doing for fun, because they want to, and no other reason. So when I see claims that “I’ve forced people to quit writing” or someone saying “I quit the fandom because of you”, I know that that’s simply not true. The only way you quit writing is by not writing anymore. It may feel better to blame someone for the reasons why, but no one can make you do anything except yourself.

Similarly, I’ve seen people saying that I’ve “ruined their favorite character” and to that all I have to say is what I’ve always been saying; if you don’t like my writing, you don’t have to read it. If you don’t like my interpretation of characters, you don’t have to consume the content I put out. If you don’t like my opinions, you don’t have to follow me. People don’t “ruin characters” for anyone else, when you simply avoid the content you don’t like, and focus on (or make) the content you do like.

Have I been confused when someone shares my story with a tag that didn’t make sense and so I reached out to them privately to address the issue? Yes.

Have I expressed my negative feelings about fics and the trends of fandom in the comfort and boundaries of my own blog, in posts that I remove when I felt that they no longer were worth keeping up? Yes.

Have I expressed my concerns regarding certain tropes, themes and kinks, opinions formed by my own firsthand experience with them, coupled with the potential damaging effects they may have on a young and impressionable audience like some of those in this fandom? Yes.

I don’t deny any of these things, because I am not ashamed of any of these things. You don’t have to like it, but that does not make me a monster, nor does it make me a tormenter of this fandom as I have been called.

Tormenting people in fandom is making long scathing posts publicly blasting someone because you’re angry that they blocked you. Or making long public callout posts to warn others in the fandom of my many crimes – crimes which actually aren’t crimes at all – and whipping up a frenzy of frothing at the mouth hate. Or reblogging a post and hijacking it with long commentary about something that has nothing to do with you in an attempt to shame the original poster. Or getting screenshots of private conversations where someone is joking with a person who they once thought was a friend, that are taken out of context and framing them to fit a narrative you’re spinning against them. That’s torment.

This fandom has the most vicious and warped mob mentality that I have ever seen. I’ve seen it in the treatment of Adam and Joanne, I’ve seen it in the treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran. I’ve seen it in the treatment of other bloggers, and well, I can say I’ve seen it and experienced it myself. I worry for the future of the fandom, when this sort of behavior is rewarded and celebrated, because people are so quick to simply agree with someone’s impassioned anger instead of thinking critically for themselves.

However (and this is the ‘but’ of the whole post), I cannot make this post and make all these statements without saying that this community has also been a place of kindness and support and acceptance, and I’m genuinely touched by everyone who has ever gone out of their way to talk to me. I thought long and hard about deleting this blog. I thought about just packing up and leaving our corner of the web, or moving to other platforms. I even put out a little announcement on my ao3 that I was done, I was out of here. But it didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel right to abandon all the incredibly beautiful, talented, welcoming, supportive and kind people that had found some peace in this corner of the web. I was absolutely blown away by the sweet messages that were sent to my inbox, and my DMs, the posts that were circulated written by friends and strangers alike literally brought me to tears.

I know that many people here do not like me, and want nothing to do with me, and that’s okay. I know that my content is not for everyone, my opinions are not going to be lined up with everyone else’s, that’s okay too. People have not liked me from the beginning lol, that’s nothing new to me. I have always said, that I would continue to write even if no one read my stuff, and that’s still true. You are in charge of your internet experience, follow the people and consume the content that makes you happy, and block out the things that don’t.

If you are reading this and you are one of the kind people, one of the supportive and understanding people who are on my side, I cannot say thank you enough. The time I took away made me realize that there are much larger problems in the world than strangers on the internet having negative opinions about me, and that kindness will always be more powerful than hate. The community we have built together means more to me than the bullshit other people try and start.

So, all of this is to say, that I’m back.

Some things are going to be a little different around here; I’m very very sorry I know I said I would never do this but I’ve turned the anonymous function off for the time being just for the sake of my sanity, and I’ve updated my FAQ. Writing will no longer be posted directly to tumblr, but rather a redirect link from AO3 will be posted making all tag-list requests null and void.

But other things will remain the same. We’re still going to have sleepovers, I’m still going to accept prompts (but please give me some time before we get back to sinday, as I’m still in a little bit of unease about all of this). I’m still going to be talking about my personal AU, and I’m still going to be uploading fanart and gifs and memes and shitposts and answering your questions and giving you the love you all have shown to me over the years.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for giving me the time to say my peace. I know it’s a long post, but I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for quite some time, and I’m relieved to finally express them. Please know that my posting this isn’t intended to stir up anything, or cause any drama, or relive any pain.

I just missed you all very dearly. I hope that we can move onward and upward together, a babbushka 2.0 of sorts. It’s an exciting time to be in this fandom, and I am looking forward to experiencing everything together.

I’m sending you all of my love.

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quickspinner · 4 years

Text

On commenting and feedback

Hey friends...so something’s been bothering me a little and I want to talk about it for a sec. I want to be clear I’m not making this post to call out anyone in particular, this is an entire trend I’m seeing and I just...kind of want us all to take a breath for a second.

Every so often I feel like there’s a wave of posts that goes around about how important commenting and reblogging is to support writers. And that’s absolutely true. A fandom that doesn’t interact with its content creators dies a pretty pathetic death, it’s absolutely true.

But the tone of a lot of these posts have started to bother me, especially as I see newer writers pick them up, and I just want to put some things in perspective here, and leave some thoughts for both the writers, and the readers.

Readers, your comments are absolutely valued and extremely motivating for creators to receive. At the same time, there’s no contract that says writers are entitled to a certain level of feedback. It is not on you as a sole individual to reach an invisible standard of interaction that will cause them to create more. And if you’re sweating and freaking out and guilting yourself over commenting--then don’t. Find the level of interaction you’re comfortable with that, and accept it, and don’t feel guilty about it. If writing a comment for me causes you agony and robs whatever joy you took out of my story, then I don’t want it. I truly don’t. Just leave the kudos if you can. There’s lots of helpful advice out there on how to comment if you want to but aren’t sure what to say, and when in doubt, read the other comments and feel free to add “what they said!” or use them as a model for your own comment. But absolve yourself of the guilt. Do your best.

Writers. My friends. My colleagues. There’s nothing wrong with wanting validation and feedback. Yes, it is absolutely disheartening when you put a lot of effort into your work and you don’t receive the level of reaction you are hoping for. You put yourself on the line and you did something scary and you should be very, very proud of that. At the same time, no one chained you to the desk. No one forced you to pour out your soul. No one guaranteed you a certain number of comments of a guaranteed minimum length. Sometimes you throw out a line out there and nobody picks it up, and you feel sad and alone, but that’s not the fault of whoever was on the other side. You chose to put yourself out there, I hope because there was just something inside you that had to come out. And the best you can do is make that choice with your eyes open. Just like there are plenty of good published books in the world that never made the bestseller list for reasons completely unrelated to the effort put into them or the quality of their content, sometimes you publish something at the wrong time, or to the wrong audience, or in the wrong place, and it just doesn’t hit the way you want it to.

And I especially want the young writers and the new writers to hear this: you know what? This problem has always been there, and it’s never going to go away. I’ve been publishing fic off and on since I was 18 and the major form of feedback was leaving messages on a website’s guestbook. It’s always been a problem. As writers we’re hungry for feedback. We want to know someone is on the other end. The supply is never going to equal our demand. Regardless of whether or not that is fair or the way things should be, that’s the way things are. You’ve got to find a way to be at peace with that, or you’re going to be frustrated and discouraged forever. It will get better as you grow in your craft and grow your audience - and as it does, it will take more and more to satisfy you. So just, take a minute before you lash out because you feel your effort isn’t as reciprocated as you feel it should be. I’m all for spreading awareness of how much writers crave feedback and what a boost it is for us to receive it, but we don’t have to throw a temper tantrum to do that.

I encourage you to think about your piece a little bit before you publish it and calibrate your expectations. Every piece has it audience and some of them are going to be smaller than others. Sometimes that is not “fair;” by which I mean, an audience’s response is not necessarily proportional to the amount of time, effort, and emotion put into a work. As of the time I wrote this, my silly little piece that I wrote for fun in an afternoon has literally three times the number of notes as the fic I have put the most heart and work into, despite the one being extremely short and the other being multiple chapters. I’m not particularly bothered by that, it was entirely predictable (although sometimes it’s not; sometimes audience is very, very unpredictable). Things that are funny or sexy are almost always going to get more attention than things that are deep and angsty, things that are short are frequently going to get a bigger audience than things that are long. Just consider your expectations.

It also takes time to build an audience. I recently reblogged a post of mine from early last year when I was newly returned to tumblr that had 9 total notes and it quickly shot up into the 70s. Same fic, not a word different, it’s just that over the last year I’ve built a bigger audience. So consider that, as well. As you’re trying to build that audience, do you really want your brand to be ‘that author who’s always complaining about people commenting’? There are some things in life where you have to get angry to effect change. I don’t feel that fic feedback is one of them.

“But how am I going to improve?” My friends. Expecting to improve your writing from internet comments on your work is like fishing with a deep sea trawler. You might get some good stuff but you’re going to dredge up a lot of trash in the meantime, and it’s probably not worth your effort and the toll on your confidence to wade through it. Find yourself a group of people, either in real life or online, who you trust to give meaningful feedback. Sometimes that’s super easy, and sometimes it’s not. But it’s completely worth it to find people who both challenge and encourage you, and it’s a lot less discouraging than inviting internet trolls to beat you over the head. Be specific, too, in asking for the type of feedback you want. I myself am extremely sensitive to criticism, so I choose to ask for it only in very limited ways, from very specific people. To continue the previous metaphor, use a fishing pole in the right type of water with appropriate bait, to make sure you’re getting the kind of feedback you want.

But you want to know a secret?

It’s okay to not care about improving. It’s okay to just enjoy what you’re doing. So if you want to improve, by all means try. But if you just think you should want to improve, when in reality you just want to write a fun story, that’s totally okay too. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not necessarily be the best that you can be. Let yourself write the fun silly crack once in a while; not everything has to be a V. Serious Undertaking.

I’ve rambled on long enough, so let me just conclude with this: It’s okay to want validation. It’s okay to encourage people to comment, to tell them how much their comments and reblogs mean to you, to ask them to leave you feedback whenever they can, and give helpful tips about ‘how to comment if you’re not sure to comment.’ It’s not about the request, it’s about the tone. It’s not okay to browbeat people, accuse them of killing fandom, to tell them that they’re the reason that you aren’t writing more/anymore, because that’s patently untrue. You are responsible for your own creative process, and if it can’t thrive without constant reassurance, then that’s not an audience problem, my friend. That’s a disease that’s terminal for your writing.

And finally, remember to support your fellow writers and creators. Nobody gets it the way fellow creators get it, and if we can’t depend on each other for support, we’re certainly not going to get it outside our own community. If you do feel compelled to reblog one of those rants on commenting, I hope you paused before you did it to go leave comments yourself. Creating content doesn’t give you a magical exemption from supporting others. None of us can hold up the fandoms and float our ships all by ourselves. Do as much as you can to support your fellow creators, and if you can’t, then that’s okay. Just extend the same grace and courtesy to your own readers, okay?

#quickrambles #unpopular opinion maybe #on writing #on feedback #readers thank you for your support

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onthepageoftears · 4 years

Text

Kill Your Darlings Ch. 16 (Jaskier x Assassin!Reader) || Witcher

a/n: Hey everyone. To be honest, I feel kind of weird posting this. I contemplated if I should post this chapter this week for a while, but ultimately decided to do so (which…is how you’re reading this). If you haven’t already seen, I’ve reblogged some sources regarding black lives matter and what you can do to help. Still, I want to put some resources in this post as well. This website (linked here) has good places to educate yourself, donate, and sign petitions. If you can’t donate, you can watch videos like these (here, here, and here) with your adblocker off, and all of the ad money will go to blm organizations. I really encourage you to contribute in some way — anything helps.

As always, enjoy the chapter, and stay safe out there if you plan on protesting!

Your comments and feedback are always encouraged and mean a lot to me!

Summary: Burying the past won’t keep it there forever.

Warnings: mentions of blood/death/murder/killing, gore, angsty reflections lol, spoilers for season 1 ep 1, language

Words: 3,050

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

Jaskier was probably the fussiest person you’d ever met.

You’d known it before, of course. He was particular about what taverns you stayed in, pouting when you and Geralt chose one he didn’t like. Despite his messiness with clothes, he was selective on what he actually wore, what doublets went with what trousers, and so on. But even with all his fussiness, you never thought he would be fussy over someone else. Let alone, you.

As you gathered your things for the next journey, he stood beside you like your own shadow, making sure you didn’t fall or sway or breathe slightly out of rhythm. You almost punched him in the face when he offered to put your knives away for you, when the sheaths were already secure on your body. He got the hint when you sent him a simple, but effective, glare.

To be fair, he was the one who tended your wounds, so he saw how much damage had been done. But he didn’t realize it was nothing you hadn’t felt before, and it certainly wasn’t something that was going to stop you. Still, he was especially cautious after you explained that you needed to go after the same bandit group that took Lilla (at least, from what you’d assumed). You tried to argue that it would not only be another adventure for his songs, but it would clear up why this person — Hotch — was after him.

Sure, Jaskier and your still-fresh wounds couldn’t stop you…but they could slow you down. Jaskier insisted you all wait for the morning to go out again, leaving you to groan in frustration when Geralt agreed. You grumbled to yourself as you threw your stuff by the door, to be ready for the early morning traveling. You didn’t bother hiding your annoyance as Jaskier changed your bandages for you and practically scolded you to get some sleep. But despite your irritation and unrest, eventually, you did.

—

You were sitting in the grass, under the stars. Everything was quiet. Calm.

“They shine brighter when you’re out here to look at them.” You turned your head, smiling at the playful grin on your father’s face. “I’m serious,” he said, turning back to the sky. “They’re here for you.”

You giggled, and though you knew it wasn’t true, you let it slide. But instead of looking at the stars, your eyes stayed on your father, whose own eyes widened in — fear?

You watched as his mouth opened and a scream spilled out, making you whip your head back towards the sky.

You gasped at the sight. The stars were falling, plummeting, towards you. You instinctively lifted your arms to cover your face, a shriek leaving your lips. But after a few moments, nothing happened. When you looked out from behind your arms, the stars were gone. And so was your father.

You sat up in the grass, shifting your gaze to the field around you. You were in your childhood village, but everything was gone. There was only one house a good distance away — it was yours. And your father was walking into it with a knife in his hand.

“No,” you whispered, your hand moving to one of your sheaths. Realizing he must have taken your knife, you pushed yourself off the ground and began running towards the house, sprinting, its proximity seeming to get further and further the closer you got.

You pushed forward, eventually making it to the door. You opened it slowly, blinking in surprise when you noticed Lilla standing, her doll clutched in her hands, eyes wide in fear.

You turned your gaze to the side. You saw your father and mother, face down in their own blood. It was a scene you had imagined before — but this time, Rauf’s body was with them. His lifeless eyes stared back at you, mouth slightly ajar in surprise.

You tore your eyes away from him, only then noticing another body. A loud cry from Lilla made you realize it was Toby.

Rushing in front of Lilla to block her view, you gripped her shoulders in your hands, “Lilla, we have to go.” Not waiting for her to respond, you picked her up and ran out of the house, where the field was no longer a field, and rather the road to Novigrad. You didn’t hesitate as you sprinted in the direction of Novigrad’s gates.

It was when you got to the gates that you realized the little girl you had been holding had disappeared. You looked around, eyes wide in bewilderment.

“Y/N.”

You snapped your eyes back to the gates — there, was Jaskier. Only it wasn’t just him. Joneta stood, her arm wrapped tightly around Jaskier’s neck, holding him to her body. She held a knife in the other hand, against his throat. But it wasn’t just a knife. It was yours.

Her lips curled into a devious snarl, “I’ll never stop. And you shouldn’t either.”

You jumped forward,“No!” Somehow, you grabbed Joneta away from Jaskier, pulling her to your own chest. With one swift motion, you took the knife from her hand and slid it across her throat, the sound of her chokes echoing in the night.

Only it wasn’t her chokes. The sound was deeper, like—

You turned the person around, eyes widening when you realized it was Jaskier. It was Jaskier whose throat was slit. It was Jaskier that you killed.

Your knife clattered to the ground. “No.”

—

Your eyes shot open as you woke up to the recently rising sun pouring through the windows, and Jaskier gently strumming his lute.

You sighed in relief as you got up — you hadn’t dreamt that vividly in a while. You knew none of it was real, or course, but seeing Jaskier alive and well made your heart slow to a normal pace. It didn’t stop your frustration that he let you sleep in when you should have been on the road already, but the snide remarks you were going to make died on your tongue when you stood, pain shooting up your leg as a reminder of the night before.

It was a slow morning, slower than any of the others you had spent with Geralt and Jaskier. It was mostly your fault — you were forced to limp to avoid the pain of your injuries. If Jaskier hadn’t insisted on helping you walk, it might’ve taken a lot longer just to get to your horses.

Right — horses. Roach was no longer a lone stallion — with your still healing leg and the extra weight of Joneta’s body, you needed to get another horse. Jaskier didn’t even complain about using most of his saved coin on the steed, but he did insist on getting to ride it with you.

After you got out of the city of Novigrad, Geralt followed behind you, which you were glad for. You didn’t need to see Joneta’s lifeless body on the back of his horse, even if it was wrapped in sheets.

And for once, you were glad for Jaskier’s distractive company.

“So, where were you thinking?” He practically whispered in your ear as he sat behind you, his voice sending tingles along your skin. You had to force back a shudder, trying to focus on holding your new horses’ reigns — Buttercup, you and Jaskier decided upon. Well, mostly Jaskier. He insisted on having the final say for the name, and you didn’t blame him — especially since he paid for it. And although Buttercup wasn’t exactly…an audacious sounding name, it had a nice ring to it.

You sighed at the bard’s question, “For?”

“Burying Joneta.”

Your body went stiff. In his presence and once infuriating antics, you were able to push the real situation out of your head — you were able to relax, even if it was just for a moment. But in reality, you were not only on your way to bury the friend that you killed yourself, but also towards a bandit camp that you had no official plan for invading.

But recently, it didn’t seem like you had a plan for anything.

You sighed, letting your shoulders drop once more, “Somewhere in the forest. We’ll find it on the way, I’m sure.”

Jaskier breathed in, as if choosing his words carefully. “But…there’s nowhere special? Like…a place you two would hang out, or…gossip about all the…ravishing targets you had to kill at the blade of your own knives?”

Blade of your own knives. You shook the thought away, simultaneously ignoring the inevitable smile that was probably on Jaskier’s face. “No. We didn’t…do things like that.”

“What did you do?” He said after a moment, his voice softer.

You turned your head slightly, looking at him from the corner of your eye. His eyes bore into the side of your face, making you turn back to the road ahead of you.

“We killed,” you said simply, clenching your jaw. And Jaskier didn’t respond.

—

“Should we start?”

Jaskier’s voice didn’t faze you. You were staring at the body on the ground — Joneta’s body. It was wrapped in sheets — probably a lot of them, since you didn’t see any blood seeping through.

The three of you made it to a spot in the forest, where there was a good area to bury a body. It sounded strange to say, but it really was. You hadn’t been looking for a particular spot, but the flowers in the area made you stop Geralt and slide off Buttercup, walking further into the trees. Which was where you found this place. It was a smallish area, big enough for the grave you inevitably had to dig, with trees distant enough and in a strangely circular formation. The flowers around the area were a plus, so you tied up the horses and walked over.

And now you were standing there, with a shovel that somehow made its way into your hand, looking down at the spot Joneta’s body would lay. Forever.

“Y/N?”

“Huh?” You turned away from Joneta’s body, focusing on Jaskier’s concerned eyes. You blinked, finally registering his question, “Oh. Um. No.”

Jaskier frowned, “No?”

“I…need to do this alone.”

Jaskier stepped forward, gesturing to the bandage wrapped tightly around your thigh, “But your leg—“

“I’ll help dig. For a bit.” You were surprised to hear Geralt’s voice, his eyes catching your own when you turned to him. He looked back to Jaskier, nodding to where Buttercup and Roach were tied up, “You go watch the horses.”

Jaskier looked from you to Geralt, his face contorted in confusion. He looked like he wanted to stay, to help, but you shook your head. He slammed his mouth shut, nodding his head slowly.

“Okay. I’ll be…over there.” You watched the bard go, looking back to Geralt only when Jaskier disappeared behind the trees. The witcher’s golden eyes were on yours, making you take a deep breath.

He sent you a nod.

And then you started digging.

It wasn’t easy with your leg. Though you weren’t sure why Geralt stayed, you were glad he did. He was clearly making more progress than you, digging at a speed that could only be explained by his Witcher strength. Whatever that meant.

The two of you worked quietly, only sending each other slight nods or glances as communication. It was refreshing, to hear only the sound of the shovels digging into the dirt, the birds flying from tree to tree, the leaves swaying in the wind. And, of course, Jaskier’s distant singing.

Geralt helped you lower Joneta’s body into the grave, surprising you by how gently he lay it down onto the dirt. He climbed out of the hole wordlessly, only grunting as he stood up. He sent you a curt nod and left you to cover it up. You watched him go until he disappeared past the trees where the horses were, waiting until the very last second to let out a long, quiet sigh.

After a moment, you turned back around. You couldn’t help the pain that formed in your chest as you stepped forward, making yourself look down into the grave.

—

The square was crowded with people, as it usually was. Rauf was on business recruiting people into the fellowship, leaving you to entertain yourself for the day. The best way to do that was to watch people swarm the stands and buy useless items, all while sharpening the knife Rauf finally trusted you with having.

“Hey.”

You didn’t look up. Instead, you focused on the blade in your hands, letting its steel reflect sun rays into your eyes.

“I said, hey.” The person kicked your foot. You scrunched your nose, squinting at the girl who dared bother you.

Her expression was nothing more than bored, “Your uncle told me to find you.” She waited for you to respond. When you didn’t, she rolled her eyes. “Rauf.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t tell me.” She waited a moment, then sat down next to you. “But when I was eavesdropping, he said he wants you to have friends.”

“Psh. I don’t have friends,” you said simply, turning away from the girl beside you.

“That makes two of us.”

—

You tentatively wiped a tear that fell down your face, not bothering to worry about the dirt covering your hands. At this point, it felt like dirt was all you saw. It was all over the ground, sure, and it was now fully covering the place where Joneta’s body was buried — but it was also all over your hands, arms, and now, probably your face too.

You held your hands out in front of you, focusing on the way the dirt was caked under your fingernails. The soil reminded you of blood — Joneta’s blood, how it was covering your nails, your skin, your clothes.

Despite the urge to clean the dirt off, you let your hands fall into your lap and looked back ahead.

“People used to hate witchers.”

You were startled by the voice next to you. Somehow, Geralt managed to walk over and stand beside you without you noticing. He didn’t bother acknowledging the way you hastily wiped the tears from your face, instead sitting down beside you with a huff, “They’d spit when I walked into a room. Stoned me when I entered a village.”

You blinked, still taken aback by the witcher’s presence aside you. “But now they don’t.”

“No.” He turned to you with a hard gaze, “Ever heard of the Butcher of Blavikan?”

“Only stories,” You murmured. The Butcher of Blavikan was the talk of the guild for a while, but you never really paid much attention. But after a second, your eyes widened with realization. “That was you?”

Geralt only nodded. He looked ahead, his eyes clouding with regret, “I hurt someone. Someone who I thought could have redeemed herself. Could have walked away from the destruction she was causing.”

You cast your eyes downwards, back to the dirt covered ground. You swallowed the lump in your throat, “How did you…you know. Turn it around?”

“Jaskier.”

“Jas—“ You frowned, turning to the witcher with an astonished expression. “What?”

“Jaskier wrote a song.”

You blinked, “He…wrote a song?”

“As bards do.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile playing on your lips, “The coin one.”

He nodded.

You shook your head, astounded by your own ignorance. You had heard the song many times since being with the two, but never listened to it. Knowing Jaskier, he definitely fibbed the stories he went on, or reflected on, but still. You’d have to really listen to the lyrics the next time he played it.

Next time.

Would there be a next time? If all this was over — no, when — where did that leave you? Would you go back to your normal assignments? Travel and hope you would find jobs on notice boards, like a witcher?

Geralt’s voice broke through your thoughts. “It’s never easy to kill one of your own.”

One of your own. You turned to him, “Had much experience?”

“Too much.” He waited a moment before continuing. “The right choices are often the hardest. But the hardest choices…you often don’t know if they’re right.”

You watched him for a second, a smirk forming on your face before you could help it. You snorted, “You sound like a...stubbornly wise wizard.”

Geralt only chuckled. You squinted your eyes at him, an amused smile falling on your face. It was strange to see him acting this way — showing emotion. It was almost like…he trusted you.

You scoffed at the thought, making him turn to you with a questioning gaze. You shook your head, “Just thinking about when we first met. When you tried following me to my guild.”

His face went back to being serious, “I trust you now."

You laughed louder this time, “Says the person who followed me again.” Geralt’s eyes widened like he’d been caught redhanded. You’d only found out that Geralt had followed you to your new guild this morning, when Jaskier let it slip. It made sense why Geralt hadn’t been at the inn when...Joneta happened. At the witcher’s frown, you held back a smile and jutted your head behind you, where the very bard was still out of sight.

Geralt grunted, “Bard can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“And you can’t keep your witchery nose out of other people’s business.”

Geralt paused, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. As quickly as the surprise was there, it was overtaken by a smug smile. “Jaskier is getting to you.”

You smirked and shook your head. In more ways than one.

“I do trust you now,” he said once the smiles fell from your faces. You turned away from him, back to the grave in front of you.

“I know.” A sigh escaped your lips as something clenched at your heart. You placed a hand on the dirt in front of you and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and out before opening them again. Joneta’s body may be here, but she would always be with you. Like Geralt’s past was never forgotten, was immortalized in countless songs, you would always remember your own. And you’d have to live with it.

You stood up off the ground, looking down at the witcher with a determined frown, “Now let’s go take down this fucking bandit camp.”

———————————————————————————————————

Lots more Geralt in this chapter, hope y’all enjoyed! Stay safe as always :)

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incorrecthousamoquotes · 4 years

Text

IncorrectHousamoQuotes in 2020

read me first please

so the blog anniversary was like... April 16. circumstances in 2020 made it so I feel like I owe an explanation for what I’m doing, and at one time I wondered if it’s necessary for a dumb meme blog but I know people care about this dumb meme blog. so this will be mainly 3 parts:

how narwhal had been feeling about the game in 2020

the future of incorrecthousamoquotes

closing remarks about the Tumblr community

how narwhal had been feeling about this game earlier this 2020 (spoiler alert: bad)

ok before I continue I want to say that I’ve been doing fine for myself in real life. I do acknowledge that I have the privilege of remaining financially stable this year and I am happy that I was able to keep my job I was just hired for in the beginning of the year. that being said please let me be internet melodramatic.

if you’ve known me personally and talk to me frequently in Discord servers then you may already know how I’m feeling in 2020. there’s a lot of people that don’t, though.

as part of me being internet melodramatic I do express the anger I felt toward the game and the fandom (outside of Tumblr) but I do not feel or say that the game, the fandom or anyone in particular did anything wrong. my purpose is not to criticize anything or anyone but just saying my feelings.

other than that, some of these feelings may be exaggerated and I do not guarantee my explanations of my feelings will make sense or be sufficient explanations for myself (then again since when did feelings make any sense)

basically me in 2020 was a result of major burnout in this game and the fandom.

my burnout technically began back in Christmas 2019 aka Mistake Christmas (I have feelings about this event but I choose not to elaborate right now) but I think the first thing that got me feeling burnout was late January with Main CH10 and translated CH9. until this point I liked to make self-deprecating jokes about how I haven’t read story yet but this was when I first began feeling I didn’t have a place in the fandom. like... who knew self-deprecating jokes could have a negative effect on my psyche if I think about them enough. how I can explain it is... in the past I wasn’t particularly crazy about new content in particular but I felt like I can vibe with people who were and I did have an interest towards new content. but CH10 was the first time I actively disliked new content and I took it really personally the fact I didn’t try to catch up with main story, so I started to mentally separate myself from the fandom even though I had no reason to. mostly because I held myself to more expectations than anyone would ever put on me.

so after Mistake Christmas & CH10 I ended up losing a lot of enthusiasm especially towards new content. I ended ignoring Val Timeslip completely but I did really like the Great Gendarme rerun. but my burnout hit an all-time low in April during New Semester 2020 which I will refer to as Worst Semester. now at this point I wasn’t looking forward to anything new at this point and the worst part about Worst Semester is that it was basically CH10 Part 2: about half of each banner was characters directly from CH10.

and this was when I started feeling angry at the fandom like an old entitled fan who hates change and can’t stand when people are having fun; basically it was a mix of envy and self-hatred that I couldn’t find anything to be excited about at that time. how could anyone like any of these characters, is what I felt.

that was even without considering the thing that tanked my mood for my blog in particular: summosnap. like even without considering the self-deprecating jokes about being cancelled it forced me to look back about how I’ve been running this blog and how I haven’t made a single new quote in 2020. long story short I kept comparing myself to the high expectations I put on myself and it ruined my motivation to work on what I’ve planned for the anniversary. so the blog anniversary passed completely burned out.

now I have been feeling better because the next few months weren’t particularly new content: May was just rerun month, and June was technically new but was basically from an old game that I liked a lot, so nostalgia has helped me feel better. now it’s July and we have completely new content and I’m feeling anxious over whether I’m willing to accept new content or not. right now in early July I’m actually focusing on other games right now (and reading main story on the side) so I’ll gradually start making more stuff for the fandom.

the future of incorrecthousamoquotes: the Tumblr

if you followed this blog in the past year, then you would know I didn’t have a regular schedule of making quotes in 2019, even though I did in 2018. in 2019 I did make quotes but it was released in batches every other month or so.

even in 2018 I’ve always made other Housamo content, so I’ve always given the impression that this blog is for whatever I feel like making (at least I hope I’ve given that impression) so when I remake my info pages, I will be taking the focus off of incorrect quotes. I can still make them when I get the motivation (and to clear my drafts of submissions I’m sorry) but my info pages won’t mainly talk about incorrect quotes as much as me just making whatever I want for Housamo.

I would like to make more personal posts like I did in 2018. For some reason I held off on the personal posts in 2019, but I think that contributed to my growing mental self-isolation and my eventual burnout. on a related note I’ve been ignoring my askbox and I’m sorry for that. one of the major reasons is that some of the asks I’ve been sent I have no answer to, but in the future if I have no answer to them I might just publish them anyway hopefully to start a discussion and have other people respond if they like.

I’m also going to be more open to just reblogging things because that’s something I’ve always been hesitant to do on this blog for some reason.

what hasn’t changed over the years is that I’ve always covered game news and game info and have taken time writing guides for this game. this will not change and I’ll continue to cover news in the future.

I still have unfinished projects in general and I hope to get them done this year.

the Twitter

as for my Twitter, I have mentioned before that I opened it again this April and will be using it just for uploading the video memes I make. growing the Twitter is not a priority for me, so I have no plans to change that right now.

--which is what I said before I clowned myself trying to make tweets that never took off so I’ve deleted them, sorry for trying to be an attention hoe

starting this month I’ve also permanently changed the name of the Twitter to summemepedia, which better fits the content I make.

closing remarks: I am so grateful for the Housamo Tumblr community

despite how I felt about this game in 2020 I’ve honestly never felt happier for the Housamo Tumblr community posting and writing about what they love. Tumblr as a blogging platform that encourages creativity is a website I will defend with my life and even though Japan mostly uses Twitter so it’s natural Housamo will revolve there, I will still be happy for anyone that still decides to use Tumblr.

I’ve made a list of blogs here that I’ve been saving for anniversary before I had my burnout so you can check out the list and suggest additions to it if you’d like.

#tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo #personal

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hajimesh · 5 years

Text

Best Friend.

word count: 1.5k

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: waltzing with your crush to a hozier song. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

a/n: okay this deleted itself somehow!? so yeah, posting it again. this was based on a dream i had with ‘would that i’ by hozier as background music (totally normal lol). let me know what you think! masterlist can be found in my bio♡

“She should be here already.”

Peter mumbles as he looks at his watch for the umpteenth time.

You are currently at a charity gala hosted by Tony Stark and everything would be running smoothly if it weren’t for aunt May’s lack of presence. She said she’d be here twenty minutes ago and yet she is nowhere to be seen which has Peter, your best friend, on edge.

He had asked you to accompany him to the event since he would be giving a speech and there was no way you’d refuse his offer. Not only because you knew he could use your support but because you’d take any chance you could to be with him, seeing as you have been harbouring a crush on him for the past three months. Not that he knew, of course.

“Have you tried calling her?” Your voice is gentle, trying to calm his nerves a bit.

Peter shakes his head as he murmurs something you can’t make out but he pulls out his phone from his pocket. You watch as he dials and perks up as soon as he hears May’s voice on the other end, the stress dissipating slightly. A minute later he ends the call, looks at you and gives you a tight lipped smile.

“She’s stuck in the traffic.”

You can’t help but laugh. Poor thing has been stressing over nothing!

“Gosh, Pete. You need to chill.” Placing your hands on his shoulders you shake him a bit, trying to loosen up his stiff posture. “She’s gonna be here on time, you’ll see.”

“I’m just– ugh, I’m so nervous.” His jittering hands find yours, interlacing his fingers with yours. Once again he looks nervous, giving you a worried look. “This whole thing is so stressful and I’m afraid I’ll mess things up.”

He rambles, words spilling non-stop as panic engulfs him again. But all you can think of is how warm his hand feels against yours. Your heart starts pounding on your chest at the unexpected contact of your hand with his but you know he needs the reassurance so you act like you’re not about to combust in the spot.

“Hey, I’m here. Nothing bad is gonna happen and your gonna ace it. C’mon spider-man.” You give him words of encouragement, smiling reassuringly at him before making a funny face.

This finally earns you a laugh from him and you can’t help but feel the pride swirling on your chest. If only he could see himself in your eyes.

You are making small talk, distracting him for a bit when you see the Tony stark approaching and you try to free your hand from Peter’s, thinking that he might not want to give the wrong idea. But you are surprised when he stops you by squeezing your hand, a nervous look on his face. You smile at him reassuringly and squeeze it back, earning a tiny smile from him.

“Hey kiddo. I see you made it.” Tony Stark says as he claps a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Y-yeah. Everything looks good, the place-” Peter clears his throat which has suddenly gone dry and you look at him worried. “The place looks amazing, Mr. Stark.”

“Thanks, Pete. And you brought company?” The man himself smiles at you with a raised brow.

Peter seems to come out of his daze and he looks at you, eyes wide open and then proceeds to introduce you. “Ah, yes, yes. This is my best friend..”

As Peter introduced you to Mr. Stark you greeted him with a polite smile. Peter had warned you Mr. Stark wasn’t very fond of physical interaction so you refrained from doing so.

“Ah, best friend. Is that what they call girlfriends nowadays?” Tony says in a mocking tone as he fakes a confused look, his finger tapping on his chin. “Your generation is weird.”

Clapping his hand on Peter’s shoulder one more time, Tony turns to leave not before winking at you. You look at Peter and you’re sure you would’ve laughed if you weren’t feeling so mortified. Peter looks as if he’s seconds away from passing out, red as a tomato while his mouth opens and closes, utterly speechless.

“Well, that went well?” You try to lighten up the mood, turning the awkwardness into a joke but Peter seems to be on the verge of exploding.

“Oh my god.” He finally looks at you, big brown eyes filled with nothing but embarrassment which causes you to break down.

You start laughing so loud that some guests give you looks but you don’t care because Peter is right next to you, doubled over in laughter as tears fall from his eyes. Your laughs soon die down to giggles, and if you weren’t a coward you’d have probably grabbed Peter’s face and kissed him right then and there because he looked so damn pretty. Flushed cheeks and shiny brown eyes looking at you as adorable giggles escape his mouth.

Out of nowhere, you hear the faint sound of a song you know all too well. Peter has been obsessing over Hozier’s music for the past six months, you even tried to get tickets for one of his concerts but sadly they sold out before you could refresh the website, leaving Peter all sad and mopey for a week.

Apparently Peter heard it too because a moment later his head perks up so quickly you worry it will come off his neck. “My song!”

You roll your eyes as the overexcited puppy next to you starts mouthing the words. The song must’ve given him some sense of familiarity, dissipating his nerves a bit because next thing you know he’s pulling you by your –still– interlaced hands to the dance floor as if it were the living room of his home.

“Peter! How do you even dance to this?” You whisper-yell when you both reach the middle of the dance floor, a few curious eyes watching you.

“Umm,” He clearly didn’t think this through and now you’re both standing like dumbs as more people wait to see what you’re up to. Peter gives you a timid smile, his cheeks turning slightly red “Like a waltz?”

Your breath hitches, nervousness hitting you like a truck but if this will calm Peter’s nerves then you have no other option. Not like you don’t want to dance with him.

You place a hand on his shoulder as you feel him hold you by the waist. Interlacing your other hand with his, you start swaying softly. It feels as if every single pair of eyes focus on you so you try to zone them out, relishing on having Peter so close to you. Closing your eyes briefly, you ease out the tension from your shoulders focusing on the music.

“Is this okay?” Peter’s gentle tone catches your attention.

Distancing yourself slightly from him, you look straight at his eyes and smile, nodding your head. “Yeah.”

You sound breathless, being so close to him is certainly making your heart jump excitedly inside your chest leaving you agitated.

He gives you a toothy smile, his childish aura captivating you and unconsciously freeing any shyness you have been feeling previously.

Placing your arms around his neck, you pull him closer. He immediately corresponds by encircling your waist with both arms. A dreamy sigh escapes your mouth and he laughs, his mouth placed right next to your ear.

“This is nice.”

You answer him by holding him tighter, which sends Peter into overdrive. He kisses you on your temple, melting your heart in the process. Lying the side of your face on his shoulder, you sigh contentedly.

Eventually the song ends and you distance yourself from each other, goofy smiles on your lips as Tony Stark makes his way to the scenario and clears his throat, successfully catching everyone’s attention.

“Good evening, everyone. I’m pleased to be here...” Tony starts greeting the guests and thanking them for attending.

You glance briefly at Peter who looks at ease, less nervous and jittery than before. Once Tony announces Peter will be the one to further explain the purpose and goals of the charity, you give his hand a squeeze. He hasn’t let it go ever since he grabbed it earlier today.

“Go get ‘em, tiger.”

After placing a kiss on your cheek, Peter walks away leaving you a blushing mess on the dance floor.

You watch as he walks up the stairs leading to the scenario and Mr. Stark greets him with a hug. You can’t help but smile at the interaction knowing that Tony cares about Peter as if he were his own son.

“So, what did I miss?”

May’s voice comes out of nowhere and you turn to look at her. She’s smiling, oblivious as to what his nephew has done to your heart the past hour.

Oh, not much. Just your nephew holding me in his arms, turning my heart into jelly as I fall harder for him.

Yeah, nope.

· · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · ·

help me with a reblog and/or feedback if u enjoyed it :)

marvel tag list: @for-the-love-of-the-fandom

#peter x reader #peter x you #peter x y/n #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter benjamin parker #peter benjamin parker x reader #peter b parker #peter b parker x reader #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman x y/n #tony stark #may parker

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cooltrainererika · 5 years

Text

Alt-talia Double Feature: From Across The Sea

Hello, everyone! Halloween is nearing its end here.

So this is another late prompt, 10/25: Pumpkin/Grave/… I managed to throw this together quickly! Yay! So while I wanted to write about the origins of modern Halloween on the free space day, it turns out that the websites Google threw at me never gave me satisfactory answers for that. So instead, I repurposed one idea I had for Jack o’ lanterns specifically, and used it for the first in this double feature. Also, I asked hetaween, and it seems that this day is supposed to be about typical “Halloween” things. So for the second fic, I decided to use a ghost folklore a friend of mine on this site told me about. It was first suggested for the Mystical Creatures prompt, but I wasn’t sure if ghosts counted as “creatures”. But I’m glad I get to write more horror for this, you know, Halloween event.

Though heads up; America acts… pretty damn racist in the first fic. It’s supposed to be the 19th century, so it’s pretty normal, sadly. Also, there’s two OCs, but I can’t explain much about them since I haven’t developed them much myself (and I’m not even sure what gender they are, though they’re male for now for the sake of the fic). Though I do have ideas for a basic personality outline, I don’t think it’s that important here. All I know is that the second OC who shows up has red hair and green eyes.

Without further ado…

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(Also… people who read my fics, please reblog? I’ve spent so much time on them, I want more people to see them.)

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Slum Pumpkins

“Massachusetts, where are we again?”

America and Massachusetts had been wandering around Boston, and had ended up in its outskirts; and now, wherever this was.

They stood just past the entrance of a small street; a dim one, stinking distinctly of alcohol, the houses dilapidated, dirty children running around.

Massachusetts looked around, and immediately wrinkled his nose, before looking at America knowingly.

“Oh no. We’re in the Irish part of town.”

“…Yeah, I can tell with the smell; it has ‘Paddy’ written everywhere!”

But on this streets of this dank, hopeless neighborhood where the streetlights flickered begging for gas, on the porch of every house, there were spots of warm, glowing light.

As they walked through, the inhabitants running indoors or staring suspiciously or curiously at the two well-dressed men walking through their borderline slum, the sources of light became clear.

“…Pumpkins?”

Pumpkins, of various colors, carved with exaggerated, even intimidating facial expressions.

However, their light seemed to give the hopeless place a whole different face; fun, warm, even welcoming.

“America? Hey, Al!”

America looked back to the state, adjusting his glasses a bit.

“I think I heard from Scotland about something like this, actually. On All Hallows’ Eve, something about carving. He didn’t say anything about pumpkins though. I think he said it was radishes.”

“All Hallows Eve? Oh, it is that time of year. I remember how we shunned it as heretical all those years ago… But I do not like the face that one is making at me.” He flinched a bit.

As they walked, they saw the inhabitants making the best of the holiday; children stuck their heads into barrels to fetch apples as their friends encouraged them, and many sat around a table, playing some kind of game with saucers.

“I think they look pretty nice. I think I want one of those on my porch!”

“You be careful with Paddies,. You might catch something.”

From outside his window, the one whose true identity was Ireland watched as he carried his newly-carved Jack o’ lantern outside.

They didn’t notice, the two young men talking joyfully to themselves as they passed by the unassuming residence.

At least they didn’t look down on all of his traditions.

He knew better than to hope this meant anything, though.

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Lost At Sea

The ship left the dock at twilight without much trouble.

As with every departure, the folks of the crew waved goodbye, wishing them good luck.

The briny air blew through young Lukas’ hair as he stood at the back of the longboat, the dark sea turbulent, but manageable.

That soon changed.

A storm rocked the ship, the waves battering the hull, the wind howling.

Lukas hung onto the railing, used to the untamed seas; despite what his young appearance indicated, this storm was nothing he hadn’t seen before.

He just hated seeing perfectly good mead going to waste-

A scream pierced through the winds.

An ugly, pained, horrible scream.

Lukas froze.

No, it couldn’t be.

Lukas looked out across the chaotic waters.

And indeed, there it was, in the distance.

A massive, monstrous seaweed-covered humanoid, rowing in the remains of a longboat that had been long gone.

Lukas’ eyes widened.

“D-DRAUGEN! DRAUGEN!”

He shouted, straining his prepubescent voice.

Everyone’s attention was immediately drawn to the young boy.

“DRAUGEN!”

Fright immediately spread contagiously throughout the crew, some inexperienced sailors even panicking and running about.

The captain, however, jumped straight into action. He didn’t need confirmation.

“ROW BACK TO SHORE! ROW AWAY! ROW AWAY!”

The screams had become deafening even to the rest of the crew by now, some even taking spare rows to assist.

Lukas looked again as they rowed away; yet the screams were only becoming closer.

Oh, sure, he knew he would eventually wake up back on land; however, for his crew, that ghoul could be them sometime in the future.

“HURRY!”

The screams, despaired of wrath, only became louder and more deafening.

“HURRY HURRY! ROW! ROW!”

He started shouting as well, panicked.

“LAND! SEND THEM THE SIGNAL!”

They were almost there. Almost.

Closer… closer…

Lukas thought he could hear the ghoul call out a name. But he couldn’t make out exactly what.

“FULL SPEED!”

Soon, they were met with the light of civilization, the locals having gathered around the dock, in shock they had returned so early.

Finally, the hull hit the dock, the crew beelining off the ship, pushing and shoving, almost knocking each other over, as the locals helped the dazed sailors off.

As suddenly as they started, ths screams ceased.

As Lukas looked out over the sea again, the Draugen merely watched, before returning to the stormy, unforgiving ocean where it once came.

#hetaween #hetaween 19/20 #alt-talia #hws america #hws norway #historical hetalia #tw racism #norse folklore #bringbackhetalia2k19

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odinsonsobsessed · 5 years

Text

Beautifully Complicated || Chapter 14: Broken

A Tom Hiddleston x OFC Matchmaker AU series by @odinsonsobsessed and @mrshiddleston-uk

Kate Rees just wants some romance in her life, but she hasn’t had the most pleasant dating history. After yet another date gone wrong, she nearly gives up until her work colleague mentions a matchmaking website she’d seen an ad for. Little does she know, the mystery man she’s been matched with is handsome, rising star, Tom Hiddleston. And that’s when things get complicated.

Rated M (18+) || Word Count: 5.4k || Warnings: Swearing, NSFW

A/N: It's finally here!!! Chapter 14, which deals with post break-up feels on Kate's end. It's not going to be pretty, but wasn't that to be expected? As always, we appreciate your patience and we hope you enjoy!

You can also find us on AO3:

@odinsonsobsessed - Mischievousbellerina

@mrshiddleston-uk - Crimson_peak

Likes, Comments and Reblogs are always encouraged and appreciated! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

Kate walked away from Tom’s house, trying to hold in the large sob that was threatening to escape from her chest at any moment. She desperately fought the urge to turn around to see if he was watching her, but she knew that if he was, she wouldn't be strong enough to not run back to him. Back into his arms, back to the man she loved more than she’d ever loved anyone in her life. But Kate had to remain strong and stick with her decision, even though it already made her sick with regret. It's for the best.

She quickened her pace as she emerged onto the main road back to her flat, tears blurring her vision. It was then that she realised she was holding her breath. She exhaled a heavy, shaky breath, keeping her head down and blinking a few times to try and clear her sight. Perhaps she should have thought ahead and had a taxi on standby to take her home. She knew she was going to be a mess, but maybe she'd hoped to have it a bit more together than this.

A whole new wave of tears started to fall as Kate finally reached home and unlocked the main door to her building, beginning to climb the stairs. As she took the last few steps she scrubbed at her eyes, throwing herself off balance. She stumbled forwards, her knees and forearms hitting the hard concrete floor on the landing as she fell.

“For fuck's sake!” She hissed in pain as she picked herself up again, reaching across the floor for her keys which she’d dropped as she fell. Snatching them off the ground, she sat back on her heels and looked at her arms which were dirty and scuffed. Sighing, she sat down against the wall. “I’m such a fucking mess.” Kate stuttered, dropping her head back against the wall and closing her eyes, finally allowing herself to let go of all the emotions she’d been holding in over the last hour or so, as her cries echoed around the empty hallway.

Fourteen hours and thirty eight minutes. Fourteen heartbreaking hours and thirty eight miserable minutes ago, Kate had walked away from Tom and for most of the time since then she had been laying on her sofa. She had the same Spotify love song playlist on repeat, every song making her cry even more than the last time. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat - damn, she didn’t even want alcohol. She just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole, putting her out of this misery that she only had herself to blame for.

What had she done? She'd just thrown away one of the best things she'd ever had - and for what? Charlotte. She let that nasty, selfish woman wedge herself between her and Tom, and she won.

It's not just Charlotte. She told herself, It's the schedule, too. The constant disappointment and longing when he was away or busy. The loneliness.

God, she was needy. It was a wonder he hadn't broken up with her first for that alone. Maybe she did him a favor. Maybe once he got past the initial shock and sadness that overtook those beautiful features when she had left him, he'd feel relieved. Free.

Her google search history ranged from Can you die from a broken heart? to Is it really possible to cry your eyes dry? and the answer to both was yes. So she was pretty sure that in a couple of days someone would find her dead on her sofa with big, bulgy dried out eyeballs.

Suddenly her phone alarm started chirping, scaring the life out of her and making her jump so hard that she fell off the sofa. “Jesus!" she cursed, grabbing blindly for her phone on the table as she still lay where she’d landed. Finally getting hold of the device, she held it at arms length in front of her as she tried to swipe the screen across to silence the infuriatingly annoying chimes. Losing her one handed grip on it, it slipped from her hand and hit her square on the forehead.

“Give me a fucking break!” She hissed, snatching it from her face and finally managing to make the noise stop. Yep, she was cranky. Sighing, she realised that her alarm meant she’d been awake all night and now she should be getting up to get ready for work. Crawling back into the sofa, she scrolled through her phone book and dialed Roxy's number. It rang quite a few times and Kate was about to give up when finally her friend picked up.

“Hey lady! I’m guessing you wanna grab breakfast before work? That’s the only reason you ever call me this early.”

“I can’t come in today, Rox." Kate's voice came out hoarse, her throat hurt from crying.

“Are you okay? Are you sick? You sound horrible.”

Kate had to take a breath and steady herself before she answered. Clearing her throat, she ignored the burning pain that lit the insides of her throat up. “I broke up with Tom.”

The line went silent and Kate pulled it away from her ear to check that the call was still connected.

“Roxy?” She questioned, wondering if she was still there.

“I’m here, I just… shit, Kate. What happened?" She paused, "This wasn't because of what I said, was it?" She could hear the guilt in Roxy's tone and she sighed.

“I… I can’t talk about it right now. I’m sorry Roxy. Not yet… and I can’t come to work today.”

“Are you okay though? I can come over after work?” Kate knew her friend was worried about her, but the thought of seeing anyone and having to talk about what had happened made her stomach turn. She just wasn't ready to face anyone yet.

“I’ll be okay, thanks. I just wanna be alone I think. I need to get my head together so I'm not a basket case during work.”

“Alright, well.. if you’re sure? Call me if you want anything, okay? And don’t worry about work, I’ll take care of it.

"Thanks Roxy.”

“Just promise you’ll call me if you need me, okay?”

“I promise. I’ll see you soon."

Kate hung up and stared blankly at her phone as she realised her screensaver was still the picture of her and Tom. Meaning to change it, she scrolled through her pictures, skipping quickly over any of Tom until she found one of her and Roxy making stupid faces into the camera. She saved it as her background picture and went back to Tom's. She lingered her gaze on her favorite picture of them, reminiscing over the memory of that particular day. Pain pierced through her heart and she went through, frantically selecting each of the pictures with Tom in them, with the intention of getting rid of them. Once they were all queued, her fingers hovered over the ‘delete’ button... but she couldn’t bring herself to do it, to erase another part of Tom from her life. She locked her phone and threw it down on the sofa next to her, as she lay back against the cushions and closed her eyes after throwing her arm over them.

Tom had loved her sofa. It was years old and pretty worn but every time he’d sat on it he would always make some sort of comment about how cozy and comfortable it was. Kate remembered how he used to stretch his legs out across it, taking up all the space so she would have to sit on his lap. Of course, she didn’t mind. But none of that mattered now, Tom would never sit on her sofa again, infact Tom would never be in her flat again. Her heart ached as the memories came flooding back. Their first kiss at her door step, their risky business in the taxi, their first time having sex…

Kate was sure she had cried her eyes dry, but more tears escaped, pouring out of the side of her eyes as she thought about the man that she loved. She had never loved anyone as much as she loved Tom and yet she had broken up with him. God, she missed him already and it hadn’t even been a whole day yet.

Kate didn't move much the entire day. She made herself eat a little bit and she tried watching some of her shows. She wanted to get lost in their drama instead of hers, but it only worked for so long. Finally about halfway through the day, she passed out from exhaustion, but she dreamed of Tom. She dreamt of him lying next to her in bed, his fingertips grazing her back as he gazed into her eyes. Sunlight shone across his cheekbones, highlighting their beautiful structure. His blue eyes were warm and full of love, her dream self felt so happy.

The doorbell ringing pulled her from her dream and she desperately fought to hold onto it. But she was unsuccessful, her eyes opening as she groaned. Who the hell was coming over unannounced? When she shook the fogginess from her head, her heart raced and she wondered if Tom had come. Was he here to beg her to change her mind? To tell her he couldn't live without her?

Kate got up and checked her appearance in the bathroom, gasping as she took in her red, puffy eyes and her extra messy messy-bun. She quickly threw water on her face, washing it and patting it with a towel. She brushed out her hair to make it more presentable before throwing it back up a bit neater this time. Kate made her way to the door and exhaled, mentally preparing herself. She flung the door open hopefully, but the person standing there wasn’t Tom.

“Zack?”

“Hey doll.” He smiled at her sympathetically, his tone soft and vigilant as he eyed her appearance. ”Roxy called me and told me what happened… She was worried about you and I’ve been trying to reach you all day."

She blinked, surprised to see him standing there. "I… my phone must've died…" She mumbled, trying to sort through her thoughts.

His voice was so calming and she felt a comfortable warmth envelope her as her best friend stood before her. Kate burst into tears again, relief, disappointment and sadness all mixing together. Zack stepped forwards and scooped her up into a hug, squeezing her tightly, closing the door behind him.

"Oh Zack…" Her voice came out in a squeaky tone as she tried to speak through her tears.

"Shhh, it's okay." Zack hushed her, stroking her hair and letting her cry for a few moments before pulling back. When his fingers ran over her arms, he looked down with wide eyes. "What happened to you, Kate?"

"I… fell yesterday on my way home…" Heat rushed through her cheeks and Zack frowned.

"And you didn't clean yourself up? Jesus Kate, come sit down." He guided her over to the couch and left the room, returning with a first aid kit and a wet cloth. He bent down on his knees and studied her arm, taking the washcloth and cleaning her up. "Always making me take care of you…" He held back a smile, shaking his head. The nurse in him was kicking in, he always did this when something happened. Always scolded her when she didn’t properly take care of a wound or did something dangerous to her health, like the time when she briefly picked up smoking. She tried to hide it from him because she knew what he’d say, but he caught her in the end and made her give it up.

"S-Sorry…" She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

"And stop doing that or you're not gonna be able to see soon. They're so swollen." He lightly pressed the skin around her eyes. “I wish you’d take better care of yourself.” He murmured took his hand away, shifting to get some ointment and a bandage.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asked, busy at work with applying the cream to her scrapes.

Kate shrugged as she stared into her lap, “I needed some time and…” She sighed, “I’m okay.”

He paused, looking up at her. “No you’re not.”

After considering his words, she decided she couldn't fool him. He knew her too well. Kate shook her head “No, I’m not. I’m not okay and none of this is okay.”

Zack stared at her for a moment before looking back down at her arm and resumed fixing her up. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” He placed the bandages on and set her arm down, looking back up at her. Avoiding eye contact, Kate picked absentmindedly at the bandages.

“Hey…” Zack encouraged.

She sighed again and finally met his eyes, “Charlotte won.”

Zack sat back on his knees and opened his mouth to say something but Kate held a hand up to silence him, “Don’t say it, ok? Don’t tell me I should have fought for him, because I couldn't fight anymore! I’m tired, Zack. I’m tired of this whole situation and I have no fight left. So yeah, Charlotte won. She got what she wanted and I lost the man I loved more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. It’s done, it’s over. It’s all gone.”

Abruptly, she got to her feet and stormed away to the kitchen, getting a glass from the cupboard and opening the fridge to take out a bottle of wine. As she reached for it, she hesitated and withdrew her hand, closing the door and going back to the other side of the kitchen where a bottle of whiskey stood on the side. Tom’s bottle of whiskey. She glared at it for a few seconds before quickly undoing the lid. Opening the cupboard, she replaced her wine glass for a smaller tumbler style glass and poured a shot of Whiskey into it, immediately downing it and exhaling as she refilled her glass.

“Kate.” Zack's voice came from the doorway

Without turning to face him she shook her head, “I’m exhausted, Zack. Emotionally and physically fucking exhausted. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t…” She trailed off as her voice broke and she started to cry again. Zack crossed the room quickly and turned her around, hugging her as she started to sob heavily,

“It’s okay, doll. Everything’s going to be alright, I promise."

“Is it?” Kate stuttered into his chest, “Because at the moment it doesn’t feel like it. It just hurts. It hurts so much that I can’t even think straight!"

Zack released her, gripping her shoulder gently so that he could look at her. “It’s gonna hurt for a while. And you’re gonna scream and shout and cry a whole lot more. But I’ll be here with you, and in between all that stuff, we can eat our body weight in junk food, drink alcohol, watch hours of Netflix and be social recluses until you’re ready to face the world again.”

He bent his knees so he was the same height as Kate and smiled at her “How does that sound?”

Biting her lip, Kate smiled back at him weakly and nodded “Thank you.”

Aside from running home to pack an overnight bag with a few needed essentials, Zack vowed to not leave her side the entire weekend. He was there through every break down, sat through every sappy movie Kate wanted to watch and he listened to her when she was finally ready to go into detail about what had happened the night that Kate decided to end things with Tom.

By Monday morning, Kate was up and showered, preparing to go to work. She had thought about taking an extra day off, but what was the point? She had her couple of days to get her head straight and she didn't really want to miss another day of work, since she had taken quite a bit of time off earlier in the year for her holiday with Tom.

It was all thanks to Zack for keeping her sane through this and she felt like she could get through her day without breaking down again.

He insisted on walking her to work, so they left a little early to grab some coffee from her favorite shop to perk herself up a little more. Kate grabbed one for Roxy and as she did, she began to feel anxious to see her. She needed her friends now more than ever and she felt really lucky to have one so dependable and another to be able to work with and see every day.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright? You're not going to call me from Pizza Express again, are you?" He hadn't meant that as a jab at Kate, and she knew that. His look of concern was genuine and she appreciated how accommodating he was being, having moved his work schedule around for her without her even having to ask.

She gave him a smile after she finished a sip of her coffee as they walked along the sidewalk, approaching the museum. "I'll be fine."

"I can come see you at lunch?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "I'll be okay Zack, I'm going to have lunch with Roxy. I'm sure she'll want to chat about everything. I've barely talked to her all weekend and I feel awful, I know she was just trying to look out for me."

"Alright, if you're sure… but I'm only a phone call or text away!"

Kate turned toward him, throwing an arm around him, "Thank you for everything this weekend. Really, I appreciate it."

Zack nodded and returned her hug. "I'd do anything for you, Kate, you know that."

Kate smiled, "Will you come over tonight for dinner? I'll make you something."

He squinted his eyes, "No more sappy kissing movies and we have a deal."

She laughed, "Deal."

Kate walked into the museum with her head held high after she'd parted ways with Zack outside. She was determined in trying to have a decent day at work and not think about Tom. Well, aside from the talk Roxy was going to want to have and she couldn't blame her, she'd given her hardly anything when they'd spoke the day Kate had called off.

When she walked into the office, she found Roxy already hard at work on her computer, so she simply dropped the cup off on her desk and went to go sit down at her own.

"Hey." Roxy stopped typing and cautiously watched her sit.

"Hey Rox." Kate set her bag down and booted up her computer.

"How's it going?"

Kate swallowed back the lump forming in her throat and she sighed, realizing she was already beginning to get emotional. "It's going… I feel a little better than I did the other day, but not much."

Roxy shot her a sympathetic look. "It's going to take time. Time and… lots of wine."

Kate let out a shaky laugh, trying to hold herself together. "Already got that covered." She forced a grin and Roxy laughed along with her.

"But seriously though, you're going to get through this. Especially when you have friends like me and Zack. There will be other guys, Kate. I know it sucks now, but you'll find someone even better than Tom and you won't even think twice about him!"

Kate's chest tightened at the thought of having to date again, to move on from Tom and be with somebody else. "I highly doubt that… I-" She shook her head, holding back the tears that were pricking her eyes. "I don't know if I'll ever get over him. I just… I know that it was only a few months, but it felt real Rox. Like sure, we had a lot of amazing sex and it was fun, but it was more than that, it was special, like nothing I’ve ever had with anyone else before. He was the first person I’ve ever imagined a future with." She paused to sigh before continuing “Maybe if we’d met in a different time and place, under different circumstances, we could have had a future. But here and now, no matter how much I loved him, it was too complicated. I couldn’t be the person he needed and deserved."

Roxy reached across her desk and put her hand on Kate's. "It's still early, Kate. I know that it hurts and I can understand you're feeling that way, but it'll be okay."

"I know…" Kate grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her eyes that were damp with unshed tears. "Right now, I just miss him so much. At times like these, whenever I was feeling down or upset about something, I could just call him and it's like his voice alone made everything better."

Roxy stroked the back of her hand comfortingly as she listened, nodding in acknowledgement. "It's okay. You have me and Zack, okay? I know we're not Tom, but we're here for you Kate. Any time."

Kate nodded, sniffling. God, this is exactly what she wanted to avoid. She did not plan on crying over this today. "I know Roxy and I appreciate it."

Roxy proceeded to calm her down for a few more minutes before they had to get to work on their upcoming project. It was just what Kate needed, to throw herself into something to be able to forget about Tom even for just a little while. Work ran late and she quickly texted Zack to let him know she was on her way home as she headed out of the office, but he was already standing outside of the museum waiting for her.

For the next two weeks Zack stayed with Kate at her flat, and every morning he would walk her to work on his way to his shift at the hospital, and every night when he finished he would come back to the museum and meet her so they could travel home together. Kate didn’t think she could ever thank him enough for how much he’d done for her and how he’s been there for her since she’d split up with Tom, and she was pretty sure she would have gone crazy if she’d been in her flat alone for the last couple of weeks. Some evenings her and Zack barely spoke, they just chilled on the sofa watching tv, but just knowing Zack was there if she needed him was reassuring enough, like he was her safety blanket.

There was one evening that Zack had some errands to run on his way home and wouldn’t be passing the museum to meet Kate after work, so he told her not to wait up and he'd meet her at her flat.

“You gonna be okay getting home without Zack?” Roxy asked as Kate pulled on her jacket and switched her computer monitor off.

“I’ll be fine, Rox." Kate reassured her with a smile.

She gave her a casual wave goodbye and made her way down the corridors and out of the museum onto the street. She stopped briefly to pull her EarPods out of her bag, sliding them into her ears and starting one of her more upbeat playlists for the walk to the tube.

As she got on, she thought about what her and Zack could have for dinner later on. She'd forgotten to check what she had back at the flat to make, so she might need to run to the store if she didn't have anything sufficient. Deep in thought, Kate stepped off when the tube reached her stop after nearly missing it. There were a lot of people getting on and off, which was normal for rush hour, so she just weaved in and out of people.

Suddenly, she caught sight of the back of someone extremely familiar. Her heart quickened in her chest and before she knew it, she was rushing after them, shoving past the crowds of people to catch up.

"Tom!"

How could he be here? Of all the places and times, he was-

Kate reached her hand up to touch his arm, but when he turned to look at her with confusion on his features, her stomach dropped. It wasn't Tom.

"Sorry, I-I thought you were…" She stuttered and ran past him, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Was she really expecting it to be Tom? She felt so silly for even thinking that it was him, that she was hoping it was. It was for the best that it wasn't him... So why was she so disappointed?

Once Kate left the station, she rounded a corner and collapsed onto a nearby bench. She hunched over and dropped her head in her hands while taking a couple of deep breaths. She could not break down here. After taking a few minutes to compose herself, she started for her flat. Tears slipped down her cheeks the entire way home, unable to do anything but cry as her heart ached for Tom. Would it always hurt like this? Would it ever get any easier?

She shoved her key into the lock when she arrived at her flat and let herself in. When she shut the door, she began to take off her shoes and heard footsteps approaching. As Kate slipped off both shoes, she looked up to see a concerned Zack.

"Kate? What's the matter?"

Instead of answering, she just shook her head and stepped forward, burying her face into his chest and wrapping her arms around him. She began to cry, both out of relief to see him here already and out of sadness.

Without hesitation, Zack slid his arms around her and stroked her hair soothingly until she began to calm down. He pulled back and swiped his thumbs across her cheeks to rid of the tears on her face. "C'mon."

He slid his arm around her shoulders and guided her over to the couch, urging her to sit. He draped his arm over the back of the couch and waited for her to start talking.

"I thought I saw him." She began, unable to look at him as she confessed what she'd just done. "There was a crowd of people at the station, I thought Tom was there and I just… I went for it. Without even thinking, I rushed after him. Only it wasn't him." She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "What did I think was going to happen if it were? I…" Her voice cracked.

"It's okay…" Zack reached over to rub her arm comfortingly as he gazed at her with sympathy.

Kate shook her head, "It's not. It's not okay. I'm not okay."

Zack pulled her into another hug and Kate wrapped her arms around him, welcoming the embrace. It felt so good to be in his arms, it was so soothing and she felt so safe. He was always there for her no matter what.

"I was so stupid, Zack." She mumbled into his chest as he stroked her back.

He pulled back slightly with a soft expression, "You're not stupid. You're so smart, Kate. I think you're sweet and genuine, and you've got a big heart."

"Then why hasn't he called, Zack? I tried not to let it bother me, but it's been two weeks since I walked out that door and he hasn't once tried to reach me! I mean, I'm not expecting him to come and sweep me off my feet, but… doesn't he want me back? Doesn't he care?" Her eyes were watering again and she desperately tried holding it in. Her chest tightened up again at the thought that Tom didn't care enough to at least try to talk to her. She was torn between not wanting to be swayed into getting back together with him and being disappointed that he didn't even try. Kate thought she would go crazy, her mind tugging her in both directions until Zack brushed her hair back from her face, the sudden tender gesture distracting her from the torment going on inside.

"I can't speak for him, I don't know what he's thinking. But what I do know, is that he's an idiot for letting you go so easily."

For a brief moment, Zack's words melted her heart and caused a temporary lack of judgment. It felt so nice to have someone care for her that it tugged on her heartstrings and before she knew it, she found herself stepping over a line she had no business crossing.

Kate closed the distance between them, her lips brushing over his. It was light, tentative at first, until Zack cupped her face and began to kiss her more firmly. His lips were soft and warm, his breath hot and pulling her in further. She was getting lost in kissing him as his tongue demanded entrance, sweeping across her bottom lip. Kate parted them, allowing him to explore her mouth, to brush his tongue against hers. Zack slid a hand to her back and she snaked her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Her hands rubbed just underneath the collar of his shirt while he ventured his own under the hem of her top, sliding them up and down her back.

While kissing Zack felt good, it didn’t feel right. His touch didn’t light her body on fire like Tom’s did. She didn’t ache for him like she ached for Tom the moment his lips collided with hers. He wasn’t Tom.

“Kate…” Zack’s breathless utter of her name between kisses brought her back to reality. “I-...”

Kate pulled back with a gasp once she realized what she was doing. Zack was her best friend! She should not be sitting here right now with his tongue halfway down her throat! She looked at him with wide eyes, mortified that she even went down this path. Oh god, what he must think of her, suddenly attacking him like that!

“Zack, I…” She placed her hand over her mouth to steady her thoughts. When she pulled it away, she started spewing out her apologies. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.” She scooted backward to give them space and Zack stared at her, his chest heaving. “I’m sorry.”

“Kate, Kate… It’s okay.” He grabbed for her hands, but she pulled them away as she shook her head.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I lost my head for a moment and I guess I was craving closeness with someone and I just…” She exhaled deeply and gave him an awkward laugh. “I just miss Tom so much, you know? It was stupid of me and I totally regret it. Forgive me?”

Zack studied her face with an unreadable expression before looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, really.” His eyes met hers once more and he forced a smile. “We can just forget about it…” Suddenly he grinned, any trace of discomfort gone from his face. “Although, I thought it was pretty great.” His tone sounded a bit off, but Kate brushed it off.

She cracked a smile, “It was, wasn’t it?”

Zack laughed for a moment before clearing his throat. “Anyway, um… If we’re going to eat, I should run to the store, because you have like, no food.”

Kate frowned, “I don’t? Shoot, I can go, I-”

“Don’t worry about it. I have to grab a couple of things for myself anyway. I’ll go.” Zack jumped up and grabbed his keys off of the table. “Be back soon!” He called, making his way out of the flat.

The moment the door closed behind him, Kate blew out a breath and flopped onto her back. What the hell was that? Kissing Zack? What was wrong with her? She almost just wrecked her long time friendship with her best friend all because she missed her ex-boyfriend.

He’d been spending so much time with her lately and taking such good care of her, she just… She thought that’s what she needed, but it was only confusing her. Zack being there all of the time was making her much too dependent on him and maybe it was time for him to take a step back and go home. He’d picked up all of the pieces of her broken heart, now it was time for her to begin to glue them back together. That was not his job and she couldn’t believe she let it go this far.

God, what a mess.

@fandom-and-feminism @fadingcoast @igotloki @nikkalia @manager-of-mischief @spidey-bites @dangertoozmanykids101 @xxloki81xx @furstinnajoelle @just-the-hiddles @wholelottatiffy @libbymouse @kitsuneharo12 @michelegurl @I-cant-remember-my-old-login @thathedonistgirl @vethrvolnir2 @fairlightswiftly @jessiejunebug @ihthr @devilbat @exbandragirl @joyofbebbanburg @sabine-leo @mandapanda8 @officiallyunofficialperson @wolfsmom1 @littlefrogstuff @writingmi @drakesfiance @scorpionchild81 @little-moonbeam–666 @canadianjelly @originalsoulcollector @gorgeous1974 @teylacarter91

#beautifully complicated #tom hiddleston/ofc #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston

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afinepricklypear · 4 years

Text

I’m writing this largely in response to angel-rhetenor’s replies on my recent reblog with comments of the post “Why is the BSD fandom so terrible about leaving comments?” The replies I received from this person and the OP were understandably emotional responses but also problematic because they made claims of there being some hidden meaning behind my statements that wasn’t there and accused me of attacking OP, which I didn’t. I’m not posting to defend my statements or place blame, I stand by what I wrote and encourage people to read it, rather than the replies it was given, to decide for themselves. Unfortunately, I know that most people won’t. It is long and it’s easier to see the responses, and because those individual’s posed arguments that are easy to agree with (yes, it is wrong to call someone stupid or to say that their work is low quality when you haven’t read it, and, yes, it’s equally wrong to suggest that writing shorter stories, shorter chapters, one-shots, and/or rare-pairs makes your writing bad – btw, a ludicrous assertion to claim I said, not least of all, because I do and have written all of these things).

As well there were issues that these individuals claim I either ignored or did not speak to, which was simply because the primary intent behind my comments was to discuss analytics, how they work, how to interpret them, and how to use them to improve your own work.

Quick side note, I also briefly want to acknowledge remarks made about my comments being “well-researched” – I deleted the credentials from my original comment, I didn’t think it lent anything to it, but I’ll add them here: I have a BA in Anthropology, I’m two semesters from a BS in Computer Science, and I work as an Analyst for a public utility company. Data, data analysis, and interpreting data as it relates to population behavior, not to mention, research is all, kind of, my thing.

There were a number of issues that were raised by these individuals, and some points made in their replies that I’d love to address, but there is one I really need to talk about that was brought up in angel-rhetenor’s reply: reposting fanwork. This is a big issue in regards to any kind of intellectual property, and angel-rhetenor posed it as being analogous of the issues regarding feedback and whether people “owe” fanfiction writers or, really, any content creators compensation (in the form of likes, feedback, comments, etc.) for enjoying their work when it is provided free of access. This person concluded their statements with the bold, and yes, true assertion that artists and writers deserve recognition for their work.

So, if this conclusion is true, what can I have to say about it, right? This person must’ve really proved me wrong.

Well, the biggest problem I have with this argument is that, as presented, it is a false equivalency. Meaning, the issues behind reposting and giving feedback are not the same. In fact, the issues behind reposting and giving recognition, as this person indicated, are not even the same.

To be clear: The issues behind reposting are not about feedback, not about showing appreciation/gratitude to content creators, and not about recognition.

Now, before you run to your keyboard to react to this statement, let me explain.

These may seem on the surface to be the same thing, they may even feel related to one another, they certainly feel like they derive from the same place in the audience, but it’s important to understand the distinctions between them if you are posting your work online especially because reposting someone’s work, unlike the other issues discussed, can be a legal matter. If find yourself in the situation where your work has been stolen, you need to understand the difference between these issues and why. Although some of the concepts behind these other issues do inform legal problems in the real world, it is not in the way that you may think.

Feedback

One of the things that really set me off about the post that started all of this was OP’s comments to another individual reply on this post that Kudos/Likes are not showing gratitude, that she doesn’t even look at them, and they aren’t real feedback. To an extent, she isn’t wrong. Feedback/Comments and Kudos are not exactly the same. Kudos/Likes are a form of positive feedback only, they do show gratitude for the work, they do indicate that the work was liked and appreciated – that is their entire meaning exactly. An author may decide that they want more than kudos from the readers, but it is up to the author to determine what they are looking for in return from posting their work online and then finding the appropriate forum to get that return – in which case, if you don’t want Kudos, AO3 is probably not the place for your work.

If all you want is praise for your work, that’s what Kudos are, but feedback in general isn’t always given because someone liked your work. In fact, feedback in an open forum is often given by people who just felt strongly about your work one way or another. That is unless you’ve directly asked someone to read and give you feedback – in which case, these kinds of obligatory transactions need to be arranged with the individual up front rather than after the fact, otherwise you are getting into ethical issues of scamming, conning, and manipulation ß this is actually the basis behind “Unordered Merchandise” complaints, which you can read about more on the FTC website. There are ways to encourage people to give feedback that don’t include any of these sticky problems, such as, starting the conversation for them (via the notes section of your story) by asking questions or making your own comments about the work, or simply being clear about what kind of feedback you’re looking for from the readers. Some good examples might be:

· Making speculations about the plotline, “I wonder what this character is really up to…”

· Highlighting parts of your writing you really want people to notice, “Feeling proud of that dialogue, really hope you guys agree…”

· Or calling attention to areas of the writing you feel shaky on, “Not really happy with how that action scene went, felt clunky…let me know what you guys think?”

Additionally, if what you are looking for is feedback to improve as a writer, I might mention that the fanfiction community is probably not the best place to go for it. I love the readers, I’ve been highly impressed by the quality of comments I’ve received on AO3 over the comments I’ve gotten on FF.net, but many of the readers are younger, not writer’s themselves, and, while they can tell whether something is “good” or “bad”, they can’t necessarily tell you why or give you the constructive criticism necessary to develop better writing skills. Additionally, readers tend to be more generous in their feedback because they have received the content for free, in which case, you’re not getting the most honest feedback. Feedback is better received by joining/starting a writing group, teaming up with beta-readers, or hiring an editor. But I don’t want to turn this into a discussion about how to get feedback or use it to improve, that’s not the point of this post.

Given this definition, I hope you can better see how feedback and reposting are not the same thing. While reposting poses the issue of diverting feedback from the creator, there is a vast ethical difference between whether I should be required to give you my opinion on your work or not and me posting your work elsewhere.

Appreciation/Gratitude

Many arguments presented by the OP of the “Why is the BSD fandom so awful at leaving comments” post and angel-rhetenor are predicated on the idea that everyone who read or looked at your work liked it, they were entertained by it, and, thus, should show appreciation or gratitude to you for it. Of course, this is the understood socially accepted behavior, isn’t it? I’ve given you this ‘gift’, and now you tell me “thank you”. As I’ve already argued, this is what Kudos are designed to do. However, beyond gratitude and appreciation, Likes/Kudos also serve as forms of endorsement. It means, I’ve read this and I approve of it. Now, this type of endorsement is stronger in social media systems like Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, where the newsfeed algorithm is going to push to me those posts that people I follow (read as: opinions I trust) are liking and, therefore, helping to grow that person’s audience. In AO3, public bookmarks are actually a better form of an endorsement in this sense. That said, if I’m trying to decide if something is worth my time to read, I might jump to the Kudos to see who else liked it, furthermore, if a story has a large number of Kudos, that means that a larger number of people endorsed it and stamped it with their seal of approval. You might feel that Kudos is meaningless to you, but that is someone giving you a show of support that serves as a visual indicator to other potential readers that your work is worth reading.

Of course, this also touches on the concern raised by angel-rhetenor of audience entitlement. The issue as stated was that audience members feel entitled to a creator’s time and that they are allowed to demand that a creator makes work or delivers new works for free.

The thing is, they are allowed to make those kinds of demands of a creator, at least, until that creator blocks them on social media. In the same vein, you are perfectly allowed to demand people leave comments on your fanwork that you’ve posted to AO3. But just as readers are not obligated to leave you feedback, creators are not obligated to provide free content. You can scream into the wind as loud as you want: GIVE ME FEEDBACK! GIVE ME CONTENT! No one has to listen to you or deliver on it. There’s nothing obligating them to do so. That said, if they like your work and want to see more of it, then yes, they should understand that showing support is going to be the way to ensure new work appears without shaming or guilting or emotionally blackmailing them into it. As I said in my last post, if I have one reader that likes my work, I’m going to write for them. If I don’t have any readers liking my work, I’m less likely to continue that story, I’ll probably just keep writing and posting until I lose interest. But that’s fine. Yes, once again, I get that it can be frustrating especially when you see other works that you, maybe feel aren’t as good as your own, getting more attention because they hit the nail on the head of what their audience was looking for. But you can’t force or obligate the readers to give you that feedback, especially if they, maybe, aren’t interested in supporting your work even if they did enjoy reading it.

As for the comments regarding monetization, and the attitude that “because this is provided free, why should I pay for it from you”…uh…they’re not wrong. This is ECON-101, supply and demand, and, despite popular belief, it is NOT exclusive to fanwork. Every business has to overcome this problem. What are you offering consumers that goes beyond what they can get elsewhere and is worth them spending their money on to get from you?

angel-rhetenor also accused my comments of promoting, rather than discouraging, what they feel is an erroneous and harmful thought process, that “Everyone can make fanwork”. Here’s the thing, everyone can make fanwork. Everyone out there in the fandom is capable of it, that’s what makes it great and accessible to people that want to create. You have to figure out how to set your fanwork apart and how to effectively sell that. It might help to pose this in real world terms: Microsoft Office is a relatively expensive word processing software. Microsoft Wordpad is also a word processing software that comes free with your Windows operating system. So why do people spend money on Office, when Wordpad accomplishes the same thing without additional expense?

You set the value of your own work, you determine how much your time is worth, but the harsh reality is that just because you’ve decided that this is how much you want for your work, that doesn’t mean everyone, or anyone for that matter, is going to agree to pay that much for it, especially not if they can go to someone else and get what they’re asking free. Does that mean that those people are right and you need to start giving your work away for free? No. It means you need to figure out what it is that you’re selling that they should want to pay for, market yourself. Is it higher quality, is it a cleaner more polished work, do you have a better vision or take on the characters, is it a better display of skill. Are you selling them Microsoft Office or are you charging them for Wordpad when it’s a free software? You’ll still have people that are willing to settle for less, Wordpad is still around for a reason, but there are those who will pay you for your work because they want your work.

However, if no one wants your work for the price you’re asking, you need to revisit your business model, and that might mean that you need to improve what you are trying to sell. In terms of artists, there are decidedly better artists out there than others who are posting and sharing their work. Now I may hit the ‘Like’ buttons for a beginner artists’ shared artwork to show them support and encourage them to keep trying, but I’m not going to buy their artwork until they have developed their skill. A slightly better artist, I might pay for their work, but I’m not going to pay as much as I would for artwork from a master artist. This isn’t to say that the beginning artist sucks and didn’t work hard on their artwork, but to claim that they should receive the same return on their product than a more experienced artist who has spent many more years developing their skill is unfair to those artists that have put in the hours to develop their craft, and actually does more to harm people who are trying to monetize their work than helps by belittling and devaluing what it takes to develop a skill and build a following around their work.

Now I know where people are going to go: doesn’t saying it’s okay for people to share their work free with no obligations support the idea that people can also just take your work if they want it? You can go ahead and jump to the Reposting section to get the full answer on this, but in the meantime, consider this example: Imagine you’re shopping for a couch. You go to the store and decide its way more than you’re willing to pay, decide to shop around some. On your way home, you come across someone dragging their couch out to the curb, you go to speak to them, turns out it’s brand new, past return date but too big for their place so they’ getting rid of it and yes, you can take it if you want. Does that mean I can now go back to the store and just take the couch they had on sell there for free? No. The idea that because someone else is giving their work away for free, doesn’t then justify you taking someone else’s work for free.

Posed like this, I hope it’s obvious to see why demanding endorsement (in the form of Likes/Kudos) is, once again, not the same issue as reposting someone’s work, and, a bit of how these concepts relate to monetized works. In fact, many people who are reposting works when confronted with this perspective would easily counterargue that they are showing appreciation/gratitude by reposting someone else’s work. They see it as a sincere form of endorsement and support to that creator. They say “imitation is the highest form of flattery”, right, so outright copying must be the height of love? Which brings us naturally to recognition.

Recognition

It is a true statement that artists should be recognized for their work. Recognition is not feedback nor is it appreciation or gratitude. Recognition is just saying, “This person created that”. This is the most flummoxing part of angel-rhetenor’s argument regarding reposting because in terms of reposting, it is not enough to say that the artist needs to be given credit, and giving credit is not the issue regarding reposting. Someone can repost my story on Wattpad, complete with name on the byline, a link to my AO3 profile or email so that readers can contact me and ensure that feedback comes to me, and then they could even leave a comment praising my work and telling me that they’ve posted it on Wattpad for me, “You’re welcome!”.

So, what’s the problem here, huh? They’ve given me feedback, they’ve given their readers a method to forward me feedback, they even let me know that it was posted there, made sure proper credit was in place, and I can’t think of a higher form of endorsement, or show of gratitude/appreciation, than going to the trouble of reposting my work elsewhere for me in an effort to help give my work attention and grow my audience. Gosh, aren’t they nice? Isn’t this wonderful of them? They seem like they did all the right things.

Except, I don’t want my work on Wattpad. That’s why I don’t post it there.

Reposting

It is easy to get confused on what the real issue is in regards to reposting someone else’s work, especially because there are so many other concerns that get lumped in with regards to it that, reposting may affect, but those issues don’t have any relevance to the ethical reasoning behind reposting. I hope I made it pretty obvious in my last example, that there are ways that reposting work can look, on the surface and, in some instances maybe even truly, be beneficial to the creator. The reposter can seem to do all the right things in terms of addressing those issues, but it’s still wrong. At this point, many of you are probably thinking, “Well they needed permission before doing all of that, duh!”

But permission isn’t the issue either. The issue is ownership.

It is incredibly important for a content creator to understand the concept of ownership in terms of intellectual property, because this is the way it will be argued in terms of the law, and this is the information you need to gather before you post your work online (what are you agreeing to in terms of your ownership of your work when you post to a platform) or make claims of theft. It’s also important not to conflate this issue with things like recognition, showing appreciation/gratitude, or giving comments/feedback, because those are strawman arguments that are easy to counter. They don’t actually support the notion that you shouldn’t repost another’s work even though they may all represent reasons that a creator doesn’t want someone else reposting their work.

When I post my work to AO3, I am only granting people access to read my work for free through AO3, I grant AO3 permissions to distribute my work through its various networks, and while a reader is able to download my work from AO3 for their own individual use, no one else is allowed to distribute it. This is the explicit contractual agreement that authors and readers make when using AO3, and in that sense, exactly as I have stated, no one owes you anything for reading and enjoying your work, because you are giving them that access to it for free. Arguing that they are then obligated to give you feedback after the fact falls into the same realm as ‘Unsolicited Merchandise’.

However, you are not giving anyone ownership of your work just because you have made it available for them to read or view. Retaining ownership of my work means that I get to dictate where and how it is distributed and displayed. For a real-world example, let’s take into consideration holiday decorations. I might decide to decorate my door with a Holiday Wreath, it is free for people to see, they are not required to come to my door and thank me for the decoration, but they also cannot take my wreath and move it to my window or to their own door or to the door of a neighbor down the street. Depending on what they do with my wreath, it can be classified as vandalization or theft.

This is a problem that just about everyone that shares their creative content online is going to run into, and it is difficult – in many instances, impossible – to fight against. This is not a widespread issue, as angel-rhetenor suggests, in the sense that the majority of people are purposely doing it despite knowing the reasons for why they shouldn’t. Most people actually want to do the right thing, they just don’t know what the right thing is, and when you confuse all of these elements and complaints within the fandom, it can be difficult to determine what is right. You will see people reposting artwork asking who the creator is, unintentionally contributing to the problem and if they don’t know who the source is or what the permissions are for sharing that work, they should not be reposting it. You’ll see people remarking to a reposter that they need to give credit to an artwork, when, no, unless they can prove they have permission to post it, they need to take it down. These people are not trying to do wrong in most of these cases; they just may not recognize that this is a problem at all. Some might even misunderstand and argue that “because it was posted in a public place, it is now public property”, but the flaw with that argument is that it was not posted in a public place. It was posted to a private platform for the use and purposes of that private organization that owns that private platform as contractually detailed in that private platform’s Terms of Service, which you agree to when using that private platform’s services. AO3, Tumblr, Twitter, etc., all have written into their ToS that their content providers retain ownership of the content they share via these platforms. When you repost someone’s work from AO3 or Tumblr or Twitter or…so on and so forth, you are not just stealing someone’s property, you are in violation of that platform’s Terms of Service.

Does that mean that there aren’t individuals in the community that do it knowing full well that they shouldn’t, and having been given the reasons why? Absolutely not. Criminals exist. They are a thing. The question is, how many of these people fall into that category? Not as many as you think, most are willing to take it down when they understand why it is wrong, but it is made more difficult that many people don’t understand IP to be property owned by someone, IP Theft is often considered to be a victimless crime, and the fact that when you post something on the internet it becomes difficult to control where it is spread.

Unfortunately, if your work is not monetized, damages are hard to prove over IP Theft and usually take more effort/resources to combat than what you’ll get out of winning the fight, you may not have much in the way of a copyright claim unless someone has commercialized your freely distributed work. In other words, if someone stole a story, I wrote to share with people free on AO3, and posted it to their website which is monetized through advertisement, they are now profiting off my work and I have grounds to sue them. People who do monetize their work have a bit more of a leg to stand on in terms of copyright claims, because they can demonstrate financial damage caused by the theft or plagiarism of their work. But it is still an arduous process that causes more than just emotional distress over “nobody likes my work”.

So here is the bottomline: If you are posting your fanwork on free-to-access platforms, no one is obligated to give you feedback and no one is obligated to Like/Kudos your work. That is endorsement and support that goes above and beyond what you’ve agreed upon by posting on that platform. It is a nice thing to do and does help to ensure that your favorite content creators continue to create work. They will most assuredly stop if you do not give them encouragement. That said, content creators should not be telling their audience that they need to or they are required to give feedback or comments on works they’ve read/enjoyed, or to shame those who do not, on the grounds that they are “not being grateful or appreciative”, because that is emotionally manipulative and, overall, unethical. If you want feedback on your work, that needs to be arranged and agreed upon before sharing it.

Reposting someone’s work without their explicit consent isn’t just morally wrong, it is a crime. Equating it to asking for feedback or showing appreciation trivializes the severity of the issue. These are not equivalent, and while not giving someone feedback on their work may hurt their ego or lead to them feeling discouraged from continuing to create, reposting someone’s work can have real world economic consequences for the creator and cause tangible damages.

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