#and my therapist kinda. didn't help me when i asked.

[anaalnathrakhs]

i want IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION i’ve done the small talk i’ve done the compliments i’ve done the optimism i’ve done the kindness and understanding, i want irl friends NOW or i’m gonna start biting

[bambiraptorx]

sometimes i forget that being depressed isn't normal honestly

[slippery-minghus]

the bad news is i spent about an hour (after already getting home late) wandering around my apartment crying because i couldn't find my computer mouse anywhere. checking every place it could be twice, three times, knowing i don't lose things because of how badly it messes me up, only finally finding it at the cusp of a very bad meltdown in a place that i had already checked once before (and only once bc i knew i hadn't seen it in there the other day). had to take meds and cbd and lay on the floor for a long time and i still don't really feel ok.

but the good news? i won $100 in a raffle through work. so that's neat.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friends I want to use they/them pronouns for a bad reason?

I (19F) am 100% a cis girl, but never really felt like I was "allowed" to be girly or feminine because of a lot of internal and external sexism and misogyny in my house growing up. No one ever really acknowledged the fact that I was a girl, unless it was in a negative sense. I was also homeschooled, so that made things worse because limited social interaction and stuff.

Now that I'm older and have a lot more connection with people through the internet, I'm a lot more comfortable with my identity and genuinely love being perceived as a girl. I understand the gender euphoria trans people feel when someone uses she/her pronouns for me. I also feel a hint of disappointment when people I don't know use they/them for me online (e.g. "prev knows their stuff").

With context out of the way, what actually happened was a few weeks ago. I went through a depressive episode, which came with the usual feelings of not ever deserving good things in life or happiness of any kind, and that no one cared/should care about me. As part of that, I withdrew from my friends for a couple days, leaving our discord server and blocking all of them (I know I shouldn't have done that, we worked it out). When I finally returned, I told them in vague terms that things were rough, I was a mess, and I wanted to start using they/them. I'm the only cis person in the group of 8 people so no one batted an eye about my request and just went along with it.

Here's where I might be the ah: the only reason I asked that is because I thought I didn't deserve to feel good about myself in any way, including my gender. My friends don't know I was asking them for help in basically punishing myself. I know if they'd known they would never go along with it. I also feel like an ah for using my privilege of being cis and having accepting friends to punish myself when there's real people in the world suffering because people refuse to gender them correctly.

Additional details that might be relevant: my friends are great, we met online about two years ago in a bigger server and grew closer and made our own small server not too long after. They know about my mental health issues and have helped me a lot. Almost everyone I know irl is transphobic and homophobic, so my reference for what is offensive and what isn't is kinda off. I still live with my family and they're by no means bad people. I'm also in the process of finding a therapist.

What are these acronyms?

[yonderly-alamort]

yeah but, yandere therapist?! 😳

i'm sorry this may sound horrible but, the way he would play with my mind??,, i'm in love 😩 (send requests here!)

・✶ ｡ﾟ𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐓 ;

cw: nonprofessional relationship, patient favoritism, isolation, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who has been almost enraptured by you since your first session, the feeling intensifying with each consultation to the point of making cancellations with the excuse of helping you, although deep down he only cared about spending as much time as possible by your side.

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who always puts all his attention on you when speaking to him and asking for advice. however, when you talk about the problems in your relationship with your partner he always ends up convincing you that the only solution is to end it, in order to end up being his, of course.

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who, breaking the professional relationship rule outside the cabinet, has told you so many times: "angel, don't cry... they clearly didn't love you as much as i do; i'll help you over the heartbreak" or "i know you loved them, darling, but can't you see that you're better with me?"

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who even if it's not even in an official relation with you still tries to control everything around u, arriving to the point of isolating you. at first you were kinda weirded out (of course) but he said it was everything for your sake.

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who is actually very aware of his decaying and perturbing mental state. and also of the health of yours because of his job. but that's pretty much favorable for him, yk, so he can mold your mind as he likes <3

𖣠 YANDERE THERAPIST! who takes advantage of that and whenever you try and go against him doesn't even get mad for your bratty attitude, but loves loves loves turning the tables and make your thoughts switch confusedly. the only thing he has to do is say a few words and your reality will magically change, isn't that amazing?

"you must have misunderstood everything babe, 'cause that's not how i remember it, you know?"

© yonderly alamort 2022. please do not modify, translate, or repost my works on any platform without my permission.

[faust-the-enjoyer]

Anonymous asked: Adoptive!dad!simon x adopted!kid!reader but it starts off with the reader being a foster kid whos lowkey kinda scared of simon

You Remember the First Time You Called Him "Dad"

Tags/warnings: gn!reader, kid!reader (mid teens), foster!father!simon turned into adoptive!dad!simon, sfw, familial, mentions of the military, mentions of therapy, mentions of mental health issues, implicit mentions of child murder, uk foster care system, a bit of angst, fluff, crying.

A/n: aaaaaaaah i loooved writing this!!! I did my research to write it too!!! Hope you like it anon!

-Divider by (@/saradika-graphics)!

After being discharged from the military due to his mental health, Simon got monthly compensation from the military, and started working as a butcher again, all while going to therapy at the same time. Since he's pretty much done from working as a soldier, he had to find other things to do, he had to learn to help himself, and find purpose, find a new life for himself.

After going to therapy for a good couple of months and being on medication, he found that his life became...repetitive and dull in a way. It's the same thing over and over again, work, therapy, and the times that he went out with his old teammates didn't change things that much, considering they were on missions on many occasions, dating didn't help either, that didn't work out, he's not one for that.

He'd talk about it with his therapist, he'd talk about with his friends, and he'd get a lot of advises, but none that appealed to him. He didn't know what to do, but sometimes, he'd see one of his co-workers at the butchery with his kid sometimes, seeing couples and single parents out with their own as well, and it all just reminded him of his nephew, that poor kid, Joseph. Although it opens up old wounds that never healed, he did think it over, and even asked his therapist for advice over it, and he finally decided to foster a kid after months of thinking about it and considering it.

He wanted to do a short-fostering plan, just in case it doesn't work out for whatever reason. The application took a couple of months in order for him to become a foster parent, but he didn't mind, he worked on his mental health at the time, and even cleaned out a room in his apartment for the kid that'll be there. After making an inquiry at a local foster care agency, and after a social worker visited him and the process took place, he was given some parenting training, and finally matched up with a kid to take care of, that is, you.

Your first meeting was with him and your two's social worker in a small restaurant, he was a big guy, piercing brown eyes, some scars here and there, and a black surgical mask that he took off when he sat down and started talking to you. He was just a bit scary, just a bit though.

After the social worker introduced you two, Simon took the initiative and started talking to you. "R/N, you can just call me Simon, alright?", he asked in a calm tone, and you nodded, it made sense since you two just met, and he really just wants you to be comfortable. After you two chatted a little and he paid for the meal, the social worker walked you two to his car, and talked to you, you were more than willing to stay with him if that meant some stability in your life, even if he was a little scary, so you agreed to stay with him, and he agreed to foster you, and you said your goodbyes to the social worker.

You didn't want to sit in the front passenger seat, this was all too new to you, and Simon didn't make it any better either, all broody and quiet, with that somewhat harsh look on his face, though he doesn't mean to seem like this at all, he really just wants you to feel safe around him, so he lets you get into the backseat and sees you put your little bag of belongings on the seat next to you, "Put your seatbelt on R/N.", and that you do. Five minutes into the drive and he starts talking.

"So, your school's pretty close to where we will, and to be honest with you kid, I'd prefer to drive you every day there, but tell me, what do you prefer?", he asks, eyes on the road, he'd prefer to drive you because it's safer, and he honestly hopes you just choose that, "...I...ok, um, I don't wanna take the bus, so...", you trail off, you can't even talk about what you want, let alone address him by his first name. He lets out a sigh of relief, "Car it is then.". The rest of the drive is filled with him questioning you on the meals you like, and inquiring you about your hobbies.

As the days passed, you two slowly warmed up to each other, and his kindness would show; in the first couple of days of you settling in, he took you shopping, giving you a certain amount of money and telling to buy whatever clothes you needed, he also encouraged you to buy that plushie you had your eye on but didn't openly say you wanted because you're "too old" for it. He'd ask you to cook dinner with him as way as to spend time with you, letting you chop all the vegetables with your not-too sharp knife, and letting you add them and the spices into the pot.

Hell, it would even extend to other things as well, he wouldn't hug you unless you gave him the green light, nor would he enter your room without knocking or asking for your permission first. And in the first week of picking you up from school, he asked if you if anyone was bothering you, and if you made or already have any friends, if you needed any school supplies, or if you wanted a packed lunch. On the first weekend you stayed at his apartment, he ended asking Johnny to borrow that old gaming set he doesn't use anymore just so you (and him) can play on it.

But you were still scared a little, this new environment was too comfortable, too quiet, your mind kept telling you that something was wrong, when you knew there wasn't. Week by week, your fear would slowly melt away, though it was quite slow, yet the social worker was quite delighted during the check-ups that happened.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One night after brushing your teeth and getting into bed, it started raining, that was fine, relaxing even, until you were deeply asleep and got frighteningly woken up by the loud thunder, heart throbbing, body shaky, you needed water, you needed to calm down. You went into the kitchen, heavy breathing echoing throughout the room, you were so shaken up that you accidentally broke the glass of water you were trying to get out of the cabinet, shattering the glass all over the floor, and prompting Simon to wake up and run to the kitchen, only to find you shaking above the broken glass and breathing heavily, you looked like you were on the verge of tears from how overwhelmed you felt.

He carefully walked up to you quickly, "R/N? You alright? Did you step on the glass?", you look up at him, and the waterworks are on, he can't say anything to you in this state and he knows it, so all he does is usher you into a tight hug. "Shh...shh...it's alright, you're not hurt, you're fine kid...", after calming you down, he sits you on the couch and hands you a cup of water, covering you with a blanket and patting your head, "You can tell me what happened, I won't be mad, I promise.", he sighs, he doesn't know what happened, but he wants you to feel safe in this moment and just breath.

You drink from your cup and set it on the coffee table, breathing in and out, "I was just sleeping, but the thunder woke me up and I just...", "You got scared kid?", you nod, eyes still tired from having your sleep interrupted in such a horrifying manner. It's still thundering loudly outside. He sighs, "Alright, tell you what, since you don't have any school tomorrow, how 'bout you sleep on the couch, and I sit near you, yeah? How does that sound?", you think it over, at least he'll be there if you wake up scared again, "Ok.", he gets up and sits on the armchair next to the couch, letting you lay there and get comfy with the blanket and couch pillow. As you slowly close and rest your eyes, you suddenly open them wide, "Wait...you'll sleep on the chair?", "Yeah, what, you've never done that before?", he lets out a small chuckle, you smile a little and put your head back onto the pillow. After you fell asleep, he got up and quietly cleaned up the broken glass in the kitchen, then returned and sat back down, slowly falling asleep too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the months passed, you fell into the routine that you two had, it was a calm one, a comforting one that made your worries disappear. He tried his best to be a father to you, a parental figure to you. He'd pat away any creases in your school uniform, make you lunch boxes, and openly told you to rant to him about school and your friends, about what you wanted to do and be in the future. He wanted to know more about you, and if you ever had any issues, you knew to come to him for help, and you did. He never shamed you for it, never made fun of you, he always helped you out, even if your problem seemed "trivial".

He wanted to know what you liked to do, where you liked to eat. On some weekends after you'd do your homework, he'd take you to a small amusement park then to try a new restaurant, and once he even let you have that sundae you've always wanted to try. On some weekdays, he'd help you with your homework after dinner, telling you how proud he was of you, and after, you'd help him with the dishes. He gave you a monthly allowance ever since you started living with him, letting you buy whatever you wanted (within reason), and you wanted to help him with the house, so you started doing some chores, it was perfect, cozy, loving, what you've both wanted. What he offered and gave you was what every child deserves and should have, you both know that, but neither of you ever had that.

You found someone you can lovingly call your parent, and he found a kid he could proudly say was his. It's been a good year since he fostered you, and now he's sat on your bed, talking to you, "R/N, I...would you like me to adopt you? It's possible you know, just some paperwork, I've just...been thinking it over.", your eyes glimmer with joy and content, and a smile is painted on your lips, "Yes!". A man of his word, after discussing it with the social worker and getting the paperwork done, he ended up adopting you out of the foster care system, now having you as his child, permanently. You were so happy, so so so happy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of days after the adoption process was done, you sat next to him on the couch as he was reading the newspaper. "Simon.", "Hm?", "Can I call you "dad"?", his eyes widen a little, and he has to hold back some of his emotions, or else he'll cry in front of you, "Yeah, yeah can call me "dad" if you want to kid.", he lets out a small chuckle, ruffling your hair. You laugh, "Thanks dad.", it's a much more comfortable term than his first name, one that suits him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gaz: So how's everything with the kid?

Simon: Dead good, they're happy.

Gaz: I told you you'd be a good father, you didn't need to worry so much man.

---------------------------------------------------

He sets his phone down and looks at you studying for your exams in the living room, a small content smile on his face. He's glad that he can start anew, and he's glad that he's able to give you what he never had; stability, and a loving parent.

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (sdv) x gn!reader

Bachelors and self-harm comfort

TW mentions of Self Harm and suicidal ideation.

If you struggle with either of these, I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone and get help. You are not alone.

These are not super graphic, but definitely more graphic than my other fics if you have read those. So please read with caution.

These are all assuming you are in an established relationship.

Sam

• This was a long standing issue for you. You knew Sam would find out eventually one way or another, so you made it a point to tell him rather then him accidentally finding out.

• But when you did tell him, it was pure panic.

• He doesn't know how to help you, he didn't know how he never noticed! Does he tell anyone? Does he call anyone? Why didn't you tell him until now??

• Once he gathers himself a little bit, he asks for more details.

• He knows that you need him, and not to make it about him by breaking down.

• He starts keeping an extra eye out for if you are acting any different, or if he sees any warning signs.

• He tries really hard to be there for you, and knows he won't be perfect.

• Makes a trip to Harvey's to ask how to help 'someone' who struggles with sh and suicidal ideation.

• Harvey suggested that Sam brings that 'someone' to the clinic with him to have a little chat.

• You and Sam head down one day and you all make a plan on what to do when things get really bad.

• Mostly involves extra support, and you getting into a therapist on a semi-regular basis.

Sebastian

• Sebastian I think would be the most aware of the signs besides Harvey?

• So when he sees you avoiding him a bit, or not letting him touch you when normally you're all over him, he knows something is wrong.

• "Babe, whats up?" He gentle grabs your arm. "What's wrong? You've been acting different for a while now. Are you okay?"

• He isn't accusatory or anything when you tell him. He just pulls you into a tight hug.

• He just wants to be there for you. Self Harm is a really difficult topic, both to experience, and to witness. He tries to get to the cause of why you do it, but you honestly don't even know.

• You know you shouldn't, but sometimes it feels like all you can do.

• After talking about it for a long time, you eventually go to sleep in his arms.

• When you wake up, he already had some sort of breakfast made because he knew you'd be too tired.

• He left out some super old books about mental health he had (Aka like one from high school) and offered to look through them with you.

• Checks in with you frequently, and isn't one to dance around the topic. Yes, he handles it gently and shocking calmly, but he knows you can't avoid talking about it.

Alex

• Not going to lie, the way I see a relationship progressing (Aka kinda intense and fast paced) he would find out before intimacy.

• You were already a little nervous so you completely blanked on your old scars and relatively new self harm.

• So when he saw, you panicked, and then he panicked because you were panicking, and all around it was chaos.

• Nothing went to plan that day because you just ran to the bathroom to cry.

• ...

• He knocked on the door, "babe.. Could you come out please? We should talk about this."

• "I don't want to"

• " Babe come on." He tried the handle and it opened.

• "It's okay. You're okay. I'm not mad, now can you talk to me about this?"

• You opened up and told him everything. With Alex being the most stereotypically attractive out of all the Bachelor's, you'd be very nervous about letting him see scars.

• But he doesn't care. He thinks they are proof of how strong you are and how far you have come.

• "Babe I just want to be here for you. We don't have to rush anything. I don't care if you have scars, you're beautiful. I love you, and you will get through this."

Harvey

• Harvey finds out during your first physical.

• This I feel would be just after you started dating.

• But he asks the dreaded question of "have you had thoughts of hurting yourself or others?"

• You knew you had to tell him. No matter how awkward or emotionally taxing it got, it was important both in your relationship and for your personal health.

• So you did.

• He let his little doctor mask slip because he thought he already knew all your medical business, and that this was just a formality.

• "Dear..?" He looked so sad for you. "Why haven't you told me this?"

• Legit starts tearing up, because how on earth could you hate yourself? And to the point of hurting yourself?

• You start apologizing for not telling him sooner, "Harvey we had just started dating, I didn't want to put too much on you too soon. This is my problem to deal with!"

• And then he takes a few deep breaths, and collects himself to do this in a more professional manner.

• "My love, you do not have to go through this alone. I need you to tell me if you ever feel like.. hurting yourself. Okay? Call me. Call the clinic. Get me if I'm home. I will be there for you."

• "Even if we weren't dating, I would still be there for you! So no matter how much I care for you, because I so deeply care for you, this is my job."

• Sets you up with a therapist in the city, because he knows that even if you know you can talk to him, it's good to have a non-personal professional to be able to talk to.

Shane

• You helped him, now it was his turn to help you.

• Found out a morning he woke up early and you forgot to close the bathroom door. Not a fun scene to wake up to.

• I don't want to say he got angry, but he shouted,

• "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

• It was more out of sheer panic and distress rather than anger.

• You panicked, dropped everything, and basically burst into tears on the spot apologizing.

• Then he freaked out even more because he yelled at you and ran to give you a tight hug.

• Shane tried to calm you down, but it took a really long time to get you to stop hyperventilating.

• Eventually, he helped you clean everything up, and although it was really hard for you, he took you to Harvey's.

• Shane knew that he wouldn't be able to give you all the help you needed, he was still recovering himself.

• But he tries really hard to help, the same way you do with him.

• He helped you set up going to a therapist. You go to the same office as he does.

• He will be there for you every step of the way. Won't let you go.

• He truly understands, and just wants the both of you to feel better.

Elliott

• He would feel guilty for not noticing the signs.

• "My love..?" He is just so confused when he sees. "My love what did you do?"

• Doesn't exactly panic but is just dumbfounded. How could you hate yourself? How could you not like yourself? Why on earth..?

• He helps you clean up, though is a little queezy with blood.

• He would keep himself relatively strong in front of you, but you hear him crying for you when he thinks you're asleep.

• He is there for you, he asks Leah because he trusts her (though would not actually bring up your name. Would make it under the guise of a situation in his book)

• He wouldn't invade your privacy. But he just would check with you a lot more.

• He loves you, and just wants to see you love yourself.

An* Once again, if you struggle with self harm or suicidal ideation, please reach out for help. Helplines and resources are a quick Google away for your area. You are not alone. I promise things will get better.

Masterlist

[qqueenofhades]

Hello! I have a question that may be a tad uncomfortable but I don't know who could answer honestly. How do you get over class with a professor who self identifies as your mentor/father? He spilled his guts to me after class and told me how happy he was he connected to a young girl like me(Im 19 he's 59). He will be my prof for the ENTIRE year. I don't know how to feel, it wasn't flirty at all, and I actually think he sees himself in me. He's odd and off putting and stand offish. I am too, kinda. He said if shouldn't feel lonely because Im different, because I have my family, and now him (also Implied i should find god).

He's a conservative catholic with a wife and kids, I can tell he doesn't mean it in a weird way. He probably means well. But it's odd that he's acting like a mentor when I've only known him for a month.

Now, I thought this chat wouldn't affect me but he psychoanalysed me and it felt like he saw right through me while treating me like his therapist. I also think he's a lonely man who is projecting, seeing my potential and "what could've been" for himself.

How do I cope? I don't want this to affect me, but it pushed me terribly off axis. I felt pigeonholed, more than anything, and also feel bad for him.

WELP. Okay, first of all, I want to reinforce that this is NOT your fault and that it clearly creeped you out to the point where you decided to ask someone for help, all of which means that the situation is not okay and he does NOT have the right to do any of this -- whether forcing emotional intimacy on you after a very short time, suggesting that you Find Jesus and/or convert, hinting that he wants to "mentor" you, or whatever. Just because he's a conservative Catholic is no guarantee that it won't get creepier (indeed, often the total opposite) and even if it wasn't sexual or didn't feel sexual at the moment, that is... wrong. He should not have done it. He does not have the right to decide He Is Now Your Mentor and to push that connection on you. Even if it was not conscious or intentional grooming behavior, it is... squicky to say the least, showed that he was willing to push boundaries with you right away, and is certainly something that should make you cautious of any more uncontrolled or one-on-one interaction with him. So yeah. Gross. "Now you have me so you won't be lonely"??? Sorry, there is no scenario in which I can imagine that being an okay thing for a professor to say to a student. No. It may be that he just doesn't have a good sense of social boundaries or appropriate behavior, but that also doesn't mean you need to excuse it.

Next, if you can switch to another section or class so you don't have to spend the year with him, that might be worth looking into. If you can't, then obviously minimize the time you spend one-on-one (if there are office hours or if you need help with the class, maybe ask your peers or the TA if there is one, rather than him) and remember that you can tell people at your university if it continues to creep you out, not just me. There are procedures in place at most institutions to document this kind of interaction if it continues to cross a line (I don't know where you are in the world, but in the university where I work in the US, there's an office of Title IX, which deals with these kinds of issues). Older male academics smarming up to young female students and telling them they're "special" happens a lot, unfortunately, and while it doesn't always end terribly, it is something that you deservedly flagged as weird and which you should keep an eye on going forward. I'm sorry that you've experienced this and once again offer my support in navigating this year in as un-icky a way as possible. Please remember that you do not have to apologize for or excuse yourself for making choices to get out of a weird situation that clearly threw you for a loop, and you do not have to put up with this behavior if it continues or gets worse. Good luck.

[luvscr]

price, ghost and alejandro reacting to m!reader's sh scars (hcs)

cw/tags: depression, sh, scars, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff fluff fluff, probably ooc characters but idc🫶

apologies for any grammatical erros!

long ass note:

so i got this request which i won't be showing in case it might trigger someone nor will i tag the person who requested this bc im not sure if he would be comfortable with it. i've never written about sh hurt comfort before, simply because i didn't feel like i could do justice for the comfort part but i tried my best and tried to make it not so triggering. your media consumption is your own responsibility, please proceed carefully and do not read if you're not in the right mindset. if you're struggling, i know it's hard but please reach out to a loved one or even me. you're not alone, you matter.

—

price:

it was purely on accident that he saw your scars. he wouldn't mention it to you but he would ask around, people you interact with if they've heard or seen anything. when they asked questions he would simply shut them down or use his rank and pull the "classified information" card. he wouldn't really know what to do, given he's your superior so it was kind of his responsibility, so he got in touch with kate to help him find a therapist. his first instinct is to get professional help if needed. he would invite you to his office so it's just the two of you and make you comfortable, even make you a cup of tea. he would approach the topic carefully and wouldn't force you to tell anything you didn't want to, reassure you that he's not upset, he just wants to help. if you refuse to get a therapist it's okay, he completely understands and will offer you to talk to him instead. he may come off as stern sometimes but it's just because he genuinely cares so much about you and is worried constantly, no matter how old the scars are. he would try to think of alternatives for you to put that energy into if you still struggle and would be there anytime to comfort you. he kinda acts like a dad (like w everyone bruh)

—

ghost:

oh sweet lord this man. he kind of had a feeling when he noticed that even in the hottest weather you only wore long sleeved clothes. he would notice them when your sleeve and the somewhat shorts you had on accidentally rolled up. you just ignored his eyes burning holes through you, given it was normal for him to just stare menacingly at anyone. (not on purpose tho he just looks mean by default) i wouldn't say it would trigger him, but it would definitely stir up some unpleasant feelings inside of him because of his past. he knows exactly how you feel and wants to help you, no matter if you're a friend or just some rando at the base. just like price he would approach the subject carefully, knowing well how hard it is to reach out for help and how it's even harder to open up and actually talk about it. he isn't the best at comforting but he's is a damn good listener and he'll let you know that if you need him don't hesitate to talk to him even if it feels useless. will crack those stupid jokes of his to make you feel better lol tbh i feel like he would be the best kind of person to open up to because he relates so much, he completely understands the feeling of being ashamed of self-destructive activities and would be the sweetest during a relapse. would caress gently the older scars on your body if you allow him to :(<3

he strikes me as a very straightforward person bc of the graves scene. my dude just straight up told the cabrón to stfu (as he should!!) so based on this i think as soon as he sees he's all up in your business. of course not with the intention to make you uncomfortable but he just wants to make sure you're okay and is absolutely willing to help whether it's finding a therapist or just giving a shoulder to lean on. he values every single person in his life and would literally do anything for them and obviously you're no exception. ngl it would be kind of uncomfortable and awkward as you're not used to so much attention especially surrounding your mental health, but he just wants to do good and he's willing to do anything to help and i mean anything. you need a break from work? done. a hug? you don't even have to ask. he will do everything for you if you feel too drained to do even basic things such as cooking meals, helping you shower if you're comfortable with that and etc. basically becomes a househusband for you!

—

alejandro:

[sophieinwonderland]

We are a tulpagenic system, I told my mom and sister about my headmates and they were accepting and supportive! But after meeting with a psychiatrist that changed.

One day during a depressive episode, a new headmate appeared. This new headmate started fronting everytime I was distressed. He scared me a little because he is kinda aggressive. (I say it in past tense because he doesn't scare me anymore! He has his reasons to be that way).

So yeah I told a psychiatrist about us, because I didn't know what to do and wanted help. She asked me if I had a video of me switching. One of us likes to make videos so we had one. After watching the video she asks me "what happened to you?" I say nothing, she says "something should have happened, because multiple personalities happen because of trauma". So she kept asking if something happened in my childhood, I really didn't know what to answer other than "nothing happened".

I didn't want to tell her about tulpamancy because I thought that would make everything more complicated.

After a time the new headmate fronted and got angry at her, and then she says "I don't want to talk with [new headmate's name] anymore, talk to me as [my name]".

She told me if I keep changing with these "characters" she would send a letter to my university that says I can't study psychology (the career I'm currently studying). At that moment I regretted telling not only her, but my mom and sister about us. My mistake. I admit I didn't think much about the consequences. Also as I said before, I was scared of the new headmate.

After that day when I mention my headmates to my mom and sister, they react strangely. Before, they would be enthusiastic, but now they just keep silent and try to change topics.

Sorry for writing the Bible, I wanted to get this off of my chest. 😅 Have a nice day/afternoon/evening!

Oh, WOW! I'm so sorry that happened. That is awful! And I'm pretty sure illegal.

Even assuming the therapist is ignorant of endogenic systems, this isn't even how you treat someone with DID. DID often comes with amnesia, and this may extend to forgetting of traumatic events. And even if traumatic events aren't remembered, people with PTSD tend to not want to talk about trauma. Avoidant behavior is a key aspect of trauma, and asking you if you're traumatized and getting mad if you say you're not is just a really bad practice, even for patients who actually have DID.

On top of that, while I don't know where you're from, in the United States at least, sending a letter to your university feels like a huge violation of HIPAA. I'm not certain if it's technically illegal to merely threaten to violate a patient's rights, but the fact they did, and in order to bully you into denying your experiences, at least indicates that they have no business treating other patients.

I would highly recommend finding a new psychiatrist immediately if you haven't already.

You did NOTHING wrong by coming out.

The psychiatrist who you seen is a terrible doctor and a danger to their patients. You aren't to blame for their actions.

[wholesomefluffdaddy]

Wednesday's new court mandated therapist is having her keep a journal of her thoughts and feelings. Wednesday finds this to be a complete waste of time and decides instead to use it to record her observations of her unusual roommate Enid Sinclair. Wednesday POV.

——————————————

Entry 14

Current Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 🌖

I must admit I have been most timid around my werewolf as of late. Now that my madness has been given a name it seems to have grown ever more powerful. I desire Enid severely but have not the faintest idea how to proceed. The madness craves her touch and I cannot help but bend to its will. Enid has been too generous in placating these whims. I'm starting to suspect she must suffer a similar madness as she seems to take great pleasure at our continuous physical contact.

I am also ashamed to admit that I have intentionally placed myself in rather compromising positions to elicit a more 'amorous' touch from her. It is very fortunate we are unable to reproduce; for I fear I would be unable to resist carrying her spawn if she requested it of me.

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's going on with Wednesday - but then again I never do 😣 After she said she loved me on the balcony she's been really flustered. It's kinda cute but I worry about her sometimes. She's been acting even more like a cat than usual. Like she's possessed by a cat. (Maybe she is? 🙀 I don't know how her powers work!) She really likes when we cuddle and stuff but she also pretends not to? It's like she wants to be affectionate but doesn't know how to ask for it.

Okay, so like just yesterday I was sitting in the quad with Yoko and Divina, and we found this cat - I think you know where this is going. So the cat is just sitting in my lap when Willa materializes out of nowhere. She sees the cat, looks deeply offended, and has this intense stare down with it 😅 Yoko starts joking 'looks like that cat just stole your girl, Addams!' And I think Willa took that a little too literally because she starts arguing with the cat and demands that the 'foul beast relinquish mi querida or face my wrath.' (My brave babycakes 😝 💕) I picked up the cat and held it out to her, because seriously Willa, it was a little cat and it was so cute! Anyway! She accepts the cat, immediately sets it down, (I swear I thought I heard her hiss at it!) and sits in my lap instead. 😭

Yoko can't handle it and leaves and Divina chases after the cat (it ran away after Willa put it on the ground) And Willa is just sitting there looking so stupidly pleased with herself. 😅 My silly little jealous raven.

Another time I was sitting on my bed writing a paper on my laptop while Willa was writing at her desk. Her alarm goes off to signal the end of her writing time and she just gets up and looks over at me. She asks how my paper is 'progressing.' I'm honest and say it's going to take a while. (It was like a 5 page homework assignment 😣) She glances at the clock then at me before laying down on her bed.

Every couple minutes I hear a very small impatient sigh or huff or groan. Apparently she needed attention and I was taking too long 😅 So after about maybe 10 or 15 minutes she just gets up and wanders over. She pretends, very badly, to be interested in stuff around my bed. I asked if she needed anything and she says 'no.' I try to focus on my paper and she sits down on the edge of my bed. I give her a look but she doesn't say anything or acknowledge me. When I go back to typing I start to notice her slowly scooting towards me.

I close my eyes for a moment and then suddenly feel my laptop leave my hands and her crawl into my lap!? I open my eyes and ask what she's doing and she just says 'I shall assist you with your assignment.' I didn't ask but like okay? I think she just wanted cuddles but didn't know how to ask. So she looks over what I've written so far and starts making corrections. I just accept that this is where she's decided to be and wrap my arms around her. She tenses up at once and I feel a shiver go down her spine.

I ask if she's alright and she takes a shaky breath before saying she's fine. I shrug and rest my chin on the top of her head. I can practically hear her heartbeat at this point. 'Do- do you wish to be amorous?' She asks all out of breath. I can tell she's trying really hard to sound casual but like, I know what my babycakes wants 😏 So I figure I'd tease her just a little bit and say 'I thought you were helping me with my paper?' 'I, yes, of course.' She says all flustered and types slower.

Her hair smells really nice and I can't help burying my face in it. Well, as much as I can while it's in those braids. I can feel Willa's body heating up as I start scenting her and trying to get her scent on me. She gulps. I really want to run my fingers through her hair so I gently (it was gently I swear!) tug on one of her braids, because I wanted to ask her if she'd undo them, and she lets out this super adorable sound! 😖💕

'Querida! I can bear this torment no longer!' She says all dramatically before setting my laptop on the ground and turning to face me. She has the cutest blush and I can see her freckles. 😳 I raise my eyebrows and ask 'what torment?' She lets out this little moody huff and I can't help myself - I pounce on her. I can't even begin to describe how cute she looks every time I pin her down. Like she looks all offended and flustered but also secretly really excited.

'If you wanted this, all you had to do was ask.' I tell her before kissing her. She lets out the tiniest whimper and I just can't! I start to get worked up and kinda whisper growl at her to roll over. She does immediately. I, um, you know… Wolfish instincts and everything. (She's such a pillow princess💕) She turns into a trembling mess as usual. I'm pretty sure we reached the, what was the phrase again? Petite mort? We reached the petite mort at the same time. 😏 I ask if she wants to clean up before cuddles - I should probably mention we were both clothed! We haven't mated mated yet. Willa just gets super w- Nevermind!

She nods and bolts off all embarrassed. (Its okay Willa!) When she comes back I just pat the bed and she shyly sneaks over. Once she's on the bed she curls up into a little ball so I can spoon her. She really likes her spooning time. We cuddle and I get to pet her hair while I tell her how much I love her. She's usually just super quiet during but occasionally I'll hear her whisper something back in like another language. I've been working on my French and Spanish so I can kinda understand a little of what she's saying (I catch her saying 'love' or 'beautiful' or 'wolf' a lot ).

After we cuddled for a couple of hours I got up cause I had to get back to my paper. (It was due before midnight) But I guess Willa wasn't ready for cuddles to be over just yet because as soon as I got my computer and sat back down she wrapped her arms around me from behind. She just snuggled into my back for the rest of the time I was writing. It was really cute 💕

[suzukiblu]

brother

"Okay," Cassie says, and the two of them head into the kitchen together. She should definitely, definitely call somebody, but she still doesn't. "So the name thing . . . do you want one that actually means something, or just one that sounds cool, or . . . ?"

"I just want one," Not-Kon/Not-Match says with a shrug, opening the fridge and peering inside. "Not gonna be picky about the details, this is more about performing emergency emotional triage and asserting an individual identity and sense of self as quickly as possible than anything else." 

"Uh," Cassie says, just staring at him for a moment. "What?" 

"I might have some superhero-grade therapy technique uploads in my head," Not-Kon/Not-Match admits, pointing at his temple for a moment. "Which is probably a point for somebody not Tim making me, because I cannot imagine that dude's ever spoken to a single fucking therapist who wasn't either from Arkham or the victim of a crime. There's soba noodles and shrimp in here, how's that sound? Oh, and edamame." 

"I'm down with that," Cassie says. "Do you want any help?" 

"Do you know how to cook soba noodles?" he asks. "Or edamame?" 

"Honestly I didn't know you had to cook edamame at all," Cassie says. 

"Raw soy protein is poisonous," he says. 

". . . so yeah I'll just do the dishes when you're done, how's that," Cassie offers sheepishly. 

"Solid plan," he says, then points at the kitchen island. Cassie sits down on one of the barstools in front of it and pulls out her phone to start browsing, like, baby names sites or something. 

"All the really good names I know are Greek," she says. "Don't know any available Kryptonian ones, like I said. I thiiiiink Lex Luthor might be German but don't quote me on that and really, fuck that guy anyway."

"Yeah, I don't want anything to do with him," Not-Kon/Not-Match agrees, pulling a package of noodles and some weirdly random-seeming vegetables out of the fridge. "He already messed with and mind-controlled Kon, fuck if I wanna find out what he'd try and do to me." 

"'Conner' is an Irish name, apparently?" Cassie suggests as she skims search results, frowning consideringly at her phone. "As far as I know Kon only went by it because it sounds kinda like 'Kon-El' but I guess it's still an option." 

"Hm," Not-Kon/Not-Match says, frowning too. "Well, that's as good a place to start as any. Although you really don't have to think about it this hard, I really did mean it when I said I wasn't gonna be picky about this." 

"You're four hours old and your entire existence is a massive ethics violation," Cassie says, glancing up at him again. He's busy reading the back of the soba noodles' packaging, but still clearly listening to her. Hopefully that's a good sign, that he's been listening to her. "I am definitely gonna think about it this hard. Or do you want, like . . . a Tim-adjacent name, maybe? If he made you?"

"I don't know," Not-Kon/Not-Match says. "Him making me is still just my best guess and it might not be great for his secret ID either. Also I don't know if I hate him for making me yet or not, so I don't know if I want anything to do with him either." 

"Point," Cassie says, frowning again and trying another site. That . . . might be a problem, yeah. If Tim actually is currently messed up enough to deliberately make a whole entire person and also try to make that person Kon . . . 

Well, he's probably not gonna react well to said person not being Kon, for starters. Especially if said person also wants nothing to do with him. 

Gods, yeah, there's a horrible thought. 

Please just don't let this lead to Gun Batman, Cassie prays to herself. Please don't let that be where this situation is heading. 

"Hmmm," she says. "Well, either way Kon's still like, your brother, right? So it'd make sense to give you a name related to one of his."

"I don't really know," Not-Kon/Not-Match says thoughtfully as he sets up a pot of water on the stove and starts sorting through the vegetables on the counter to line them up next to the cutting board. "Although I guess he might've thought so? Apparently he called Match his brother when they first met. And, you know, I have a functioning concept of free will and I don't have any particular desire to murder him or his friends, so he probably would've liked me better than he liked Match. Then again, Kon's also already dead, so maybe I'd feel differently about the murder thing if he weren't? But if he weren't dead I wouldn't exist anyway, so . . . catch-22, maybe?" 

Cassie, again, is reminded that Not-Kon/Not-Match is still running the numbers on the supervillain thing. So . . . yeah. That is very much a thing, still. 

"Please tell me that your mental uploads told you that murder is bad," she says, eyeing him warily again. If they didn't, she and Tim are going to be having an even longer long talk than the one she's already planning. 

"They did," Not-Kon/Not-Match confirms. "They also told me that I was Kon, though, so I'm currently taking all their provided information with a grain of salt." 

Fuck everything, Cassie thinks with far too much feeling.

[sciderman]

I also tried to find that Peter neurodivergent post recently and yup, vanished. But anyway, I just read your post and tags responding to that other person's ask saying they can't find it. I really really don't think you sound stupid (not that I'm a professional either).

That post hit deep for me because as someone very new to getting therapy, it reminded me of my first session (in which I said, do I have audhd or what?). My therapist told me first thing "there's a lot of overlap between these traits you're listing and trauma". I kinda sat back like 🧍she said what's more important is making sure I'm functioning, coping... That not everything needs a label unless I really want one. I went home and asked my housemate (who's currently doing their psychology masters) and she said, "yeah, both often get misdiagnosed for the other".

That kinda changed my whole perspective on everything and so reading your post brought me back to that. Hoo, emotional and stuff,,

Enough rambling though, my points are:

• Thank you for saying that, it meant a lot (I'm kinda crying haha)

• You're right about it all to my knowledge!

• I hope everything's okay with you and you're happy with what stuff will mean for you ❤️ good luck and all that!

(sorry for the essay)

bless you anon!! i'm really proud of you for taking the steps into therapy, and i really hope that it's a helpful experience in getting to understand yourself better! wishing you so, so much luck on your journey, anon!

i definitely think labels aren't for everyone - and sometimes, sometimes they can be a stifling thing. it's a fantastic thing when you need to simplify something to explain to someone else - especially fantastic when you need someone else to make considerations for you. i find i only really use labels when i need someone else to understand something about me in a simple sort of a way. so i say "bisexual" when i need to explain myself quickly, but it's a shorthand, and there's probably a much more complicated label that might fit me better - pan, maybe, but who has time or courage to explain pan to a 50-something-white-guy - certainly not i, so - for ease of understanding, i'll put myself in that box.

i think labels are fantastic when they make your life simpler - but sometimes they can do the adverse when you realise they don't fit as well as you'd thought. when you need a label to fit, and you feel that pressure to fit into it when - actually, actually, you are more complicated than that. then - then, you might realise, the label isn't for you, and you can either hunt down another or - be easy with the fact that you're a unique beast, and not everything will fit all the time. there's overlap, and every brain case is so so unerringly unique to the person.

it's like lgbt+ labels, lord knows, the kids are inventing a new one every week because there's no way to encompass everyone's unique approach to attraction. we can say "this is me, and you might feel similar" and that helps - but truly, no human is 1:1. no experience is 1:1. one of you watched cats (2019) and it irreparably altered your viewpoint on the world once you saw fuzzy idris elba dance on the screen. one of you (mercifully) didn't, and didn't sustain that trauma. you're different.

i hope any explanations you get help you move forwards, anon! but i hope you're also comfortable in the knowledge that there ain't no thing like you, 'cept you! (and i love you)

[hopelessromantic423]

Back to Where We Started

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After the blip, you fell off the grid. One random day Bucky Barnes shows up at your door and you two have a lot more than just aliens to talk about.

Warnings: lonely reader, talks about the blip in general, kissing, Bucky calling you sweetheart, a little too much dialogue, idk you might hate it you might like it. Angst??

A/N: howdy! I’m too lazy to proofread so be warned.

After the battle against Thanos, you kinda fell off the grid. You didn't talk to Bucky or Sam, nobody. Trying to understand being blipped and how you jumped into a battle you had just lost, it took a tole mentally.

You sat in your apartment floor, sorting though five years worth of mail that was packed in a large sack. You'd smile at the few birthday cards or Christmas cards. Then you'd cry after seeing cards and letters that made you remember all the time you missed.

You were about half way through the mess when a loud knock appeared at your door. "Give me a minute," you called struggling to step over the many empty envelopes.

You didn't care to peek through the peephole, thinking it was some religious order, you unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Bucky," you said in complete shock.

He looked good and more put together than he had ever appeared. His chestnut brown hair was short and he wore a nice black coat that fit like a good jacket should. His eyes were full of worry like a thousand thoughts were filling his brain the moment he laid eyes on you.

You forgot how nice it was too see a familiar face. You and Bucky had always been close. At one point you thought of him as your best friend, and crush. Right on the battle, you told him you loved him. You really did love him. You still do.

So the minute you saw him, all you could do was embrace him. Your arms wrapped around him and his quickly did the same. Before you could notice, a few tears had fallen on his jacket from your cheeks.

Finally you pulled away simultaneously wiping the tears from your cheeks. "Sorry, I'm just really happy to see you James."

"No ones heard from you, I just needed to know you were alive. I was really worried about you."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. Why don't you come in," you motioned. "Don't mind the pile of mail."

"I had some too. Luckily it all went to the compound so Steve took care of it."

"You cut your hair," you mumbled awkwardly as he stepped over your pile of mail.

"I did. I remembered how much you begged me to cut it, so I just went for it."

"To be clear, I was right,” you smirked while feeling your cheeks getting red by the second. “It really frames your face perfectly."

"So how's the team?” You leaned against your kitchen countertop as you asked. “Did Steve take the stones back?"

Bucky's face immediately dropped. "Steve he dropped off the stones and then um.. he stayed in the past. He's 102 now. Wrinkles and all."

"Oh." The lull of silence filled the room soon followed by a "yea," by Bucky.

"Well, how are you? Are you still at the compound."

"I moved back to Brooklynn, and under my pardon I'm seeing a therapist."

"Is she a good therapist?"

One hum out of Bucky and a uncertain facial expression gave you all the answer you needed.

"What happened Y/N?"

"After the battle, I was just done. I was trying to piece together the blip and then we won a battle we had just lost. I just fell off the grid and went back to the one place I knew and that was here. Luckily it hadn't been touched, but I know that's not the case for many people."

"You could've called me, you could've called any of us."

"Everyone is going through the same thing Buck, why bother someone if the problem isn't that special."

"Sweetheart, are you saying you're not special?"

Your eyes glanced up and he could see the tears starting to line them. He took your shaky hands in his to get a better look at you and immediately wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer.

"You are nothing but special Y/N. Don't ever feel you're not worthy of help," Bucky's chest buzzed while he spoke while the top of your head stayed tucked under his chin.

"What happened to us Buck?" Sometime after you mumbled your question into his chest, Bucky pulled away but still left his hands resting on your back.

"Loaded question there," he looked down at you with his usual comedic smile. Although, it faded quickly when he saw the serious expression written in your face.

"Sorry, kind of coping with humor at the moment," just as he went to his cheesy self, he was back to the awkward Bucky you knew all too well. "Do you remember the moments right before we all, ya know, dusted?"

"Like it was yesterday," you answered quietly. It broke Bucky's heart as you stared at your hands shyly.

Everyone watched in terror as Sam dusted into a grey flaky material. You ran up to Bucky hoping he wouldn't succumb the same future.

"Bucky, I need to tell you something."

"Hm?" He asked in shock

"I love you," you said trying not to cry, but soon his hand started turning to flakes like Sam

"Y/N," he muttered before his body fell to the ground turning to dust.

What felt like a few seconds later, you could see your hands turning dusty and all you saw was white.

Bucky’s hand cupped your face lightly, taking you out of your daydream state. His eyes were soft as he looked at you, like he could read every thought that was going through your brain.

"Y/N," he said in an almost whisper. His thumb now tracing back and forth lightly against your cheek.

"I love you too. I always have."

A warm smile spread to your face as he said the words you had hoped to hear all that time ago. All you wanted to do in that moment was take a photograph of Bucky’s grin as looked down at you.

“Can I kiss you now?” His tone was close to an excited high schooler. All you did was nod and there was little time before your lips met in a soft sweet kiss. Bucky’s arms pulled your closer by your waist as your hands snaked up towards his shoulders.

"I missed you Buck,” you muttered in between kisses.

Bucky stopped for a second to look you right in your eyes and whispered, "I missed you too sweetheart,” before kissing you once more.

[satellite-evans]

Sunshine

Pairing: Chris Evans x therapist!reader

Summary: When Chris sought to find help, he found you.

Word count: it's a short one, sorry :(

Warnings: Fluff, Chris going to therapy and being an idiot in love, a little angst in the beginning. Let me know If I forgot something <3

A/N: Happy reading! I kinda had second thoughts about this one :(

English is not my first language, So I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback and requests are always welcome. Love you all <3

Chris's life sounded chaotic and messy for individuals who didn't live in it. Being Captain America had responsibilities, not to forget the amazing charm Chris holds against the world. Every girl dreamed of being with him and living in the same world as he did. Every woman's dream was to go to events, clubbing together, and award show after award show. The truth was nothing like that.

Chris was a normal guy from Boston who got lucky with getting a part in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Unfortunately for him, the happiness that this role brought him, came not alone. It came with anxiety, too. Hearing every click of a camera pointed toward him was difficult for him. Chris hated that he even heard those clicks late at night in his bedroom. When everyone was sleeping. It was like his own brain was against him, replaying those sounds over and over until Chris couldn't help but get up and go for a run.

He knew he needed therapy. Hell, even his own friends and family recommended him. Seeing Chris miserable was painful for his mother. The fire that was in her son burning for acting was gently dying. She needed to do something; she needed to find help for her son before it was too late.

Lisa found a therapist that changed his son's life forever. You.

Chris was not so eager to go to a therapist, but he trusted his mother's judgment and went to you. Not for himself, but for the people he loved.

When he entered your office, something happened.

He still can't explain to his day what he felt when he saw you for the first time. His vocabulary is not big enough, he says. Something inside him made Chris feel dizzy, like he was about to throw up. He didn't like the feeling, but he took everything that came from you happily.

You.

There was something about you that made Chris want to learn about you. He wanted you to talk about your life and solve any problem you had like he was your therapist. When he sat down, he knew one thing was for sure. He was going to ask you out.

After talking for 2 hours, it felt like the heavy bricks that were crushing him down were crumbling away, and he could finally take a deep breath without shaking. It felt easy explaining his issues to you.

Your eyes were deep brown, but Chris swore he saw a wonderful blue sky in them. He never felt so drawn to a person, and he only knew you for two hours. But if spending two hours with you was like this, he couldn't imagine what a life with you would feel like.

After the therapy session, you told him you loved to see him next week again. Chris instantly agreed, loving that he would see you next week, too.

Every week that he came, he fell more in love with you. You learned more about him, and he learned more things about you, too. How your office was full of flowers, especially lilies, for instance. Or how the two dimples next to your mouth were only seen if you smiled. That you had a tattoo of a butterfly on your wrist. Every single detail that Chris had seen was written on his memory with a pen that couldn't be erased. He never talked about you to his family. Because he knew, if he started talking about you, his smile that would show up and the way his eyes would shine would tell them the truth. So when Lisa asked how therapy was, he would simply answer with 'good.'

But his mother didn't buy it. She knew that something was up and that it had to do something about you. She saw Chris change. He wasn't quiet as he used to be. Her son, that was slowly slipping away from her fingers, was now blossoming like a flower in the spring. She knew that her flower of a son found his sunshine. And she couldn't be happier about it.

He did it. He didn't know why he did it just when the session ended, but he did it. He asked you out. The clicks of a camera that were making a noise in his brain were so far for him to hear, thanks to you. But because of you, he could hear the fight that was going on between his heart and brain right now. His heartbeat was going faster, waiting for you to say yes, while his brain was giving him a headache about all the overthinking he was doing. That you were going to say no, that Chris embarrassed himself, and that he looked dumb right now. Yup, his brain loved him.

"Chris, I really don't know what to say. I'm flattered, really. I think you are an amazing person with a soul that is so kind. But I can't date you, you're my patient. And I'm not willing to risk my career because of my feelings."

He should be hurt by what you said, but he wasn't. In fact, he fell more in love with you. This just showed how strong of a woman you were and that you knew your priorities. But he wouldn't let you go that easily. Chris would do everything just to spend time with you.

"What if I go to another therapist? Y/N, you helped me grow so much as a person. You fixed my fragile heart and I haven't been more confident in my body. Please, just give me a chance. I'm sure you have so some great therapist friends you can recommend to me. I want to spend time with you, Y/N. Please, let me."

You let him. After recommending your therapist friend Farah to him, he took you out on a date and got to know you outside of work, too.

You were a big Disney fan. Your favorite movie was the princess and the frog, seeing yourself in her since you always had to work hard to get your job, too. What made Chris shocked to hear was that you never went to Disneyland.

"I'm sorry, what? You are a Disney fan, but you never went to Disneyland? How is that even possible?"

The two of you were enjoying some pasta in Chris' favorite restaurant. He knew that he had to take you there on the first date. it brought him many happy memories of seeing this place and now he added one more, his first date with you.

"Hey, don't laugh at me, okay? My parents had little money growing up, so we never went. And now, I don't know, It's just weird going alone to Disneyland. Don't you think?"

He frowned at your question. Why would you go alone?

"Well, you don't have to go alone. Take your family with you. I always go with my whole family. My sisters, brother, cousins, everyone. You can do the same."

You laughed at his comment, thinking about how your family would hate that idea.

"I don't think so. My mom and dad aren't Disney fans just like I am. Plus, they would say that I spend my money on unnecessary stuff and that I don't know the value of money. I don't need to hear another entire speech about life and money just because I wanted to go to Disneyland. I got to hear that tons of times growing up that I know nothing."

He saw you became serious and tense. Talking about your parents was a hard topic for you, and he sensed that instantly. Chris wanted to comfort you and tell you that your parents were missing out, but it wasn't the place or the time.

"I'm so sorry. This is our first date, and I am already talking about my issues. As a therapist, you always listen to the problems of other people. Nobody listens to yours."

Chris felt a sting in his heart. You doubtless had so many things to tell, but nobody wanted to listen to you. If you only knew that he would listen to you forever.

"Don't worry sweetheart" he said, taking your hand as his. " I would love to listen to your voice all day, every day."

You smiled at him, with glistering eyes telling him that this was the sweetest thing someone ever said to you, without words. Chris understood. He could read your eyes so well and smile back.

He promised himself that day he would do everything in his power to make you feel safe to share your problems with him. And further to take you to Disneyland, but as a family.

It's safe to say that he kept his promise.

(part 2 anyone?)

[theboardwalkbody]

The "Fishes" episode gave me anxiety. I was constantly on edge, waiting for something to go wrong, watching Donna spiral more and more and wondering when her tether was going to snap - being distracted by Mikey's sudden shift in demeanor (which was more jarring because with Donna you could feel it coming and could anticipate it but with Michael it didn't feel like there was time to "prepare" for it and so there was no guard up). The dysfunction was... familiar, unfortunately for me, and I kinda felt similar to how I've felt in some of my own family functions.

I felt very Natalie. Constantly wanting to ask if everyone is okay, trying to "help" but really it's a way to "keep the peace" and "prevent escalation" but in the end the constant checking in backfires and makes things worse. It's coming from a place of anxiety. Trying to anticipate the needs of others and do anything they may need to keep them from getting angry/upset.

But, the scary thing I noticed...

I kinda felt a little bit Donna, too.

"I work so hard making everything beautiful for everyone else and no one makes anything beautiful for me."

And I kinda wanted to cry because I'm currently feeling that way.

(and also like I've spent my entire life being a parent to others and now I want someone to parent me, in an emotional sense)

And it was scary because look at where those feelings got her. And now I'm scared I'll end up having a mental break like her and that it'll keep getting worse. (Don't worry, my therapist will be hearing about this Monday morning. lol)

So yeah - that episode was a lot. And it was an hour long.

and then Forks happened and I felt a rush of happiness with Richie belting out Taylor Swift so I got to release that negativity.