#and not just the affirmation you need to tell yourself every time you send a work email

[awfcspencer]

Nine Months || leah williamson x reader

leah williamson x pregnant!reader

Part 1

prompt: The 9 months leading up to the arrival of your baby.

warnings: pregnancy, throwing up, self-doubt/anxiety, mentions of miscarriage, mostly fluff but a few instances of angst.

a/n: almost 7 thousand words of fluff

Month 1: Poppy Seed

Upon flipping the positive pregnancy test, your whole life suddenly felt fast, there felt like a million things you need to accomplish. You have having a baby. You quickly scheduled a prenatal appointment and the doctor told you that you were about 5 weeks pregnant. She prescribed you some vitamins and medications to help the baby grow properly and scheduled a few more future visits.

Leah had gone out and bought several pregnancy books. You joked with her that she had purchased out a whole bookstore when she brought home roughly about 13 books and there was no way she would actually read them. But she did read each one, thoroughly, even taking little notes on post-its and showing you passages she found interesting. One of the books she had bought had a little pregnancy growth chart, indicating your baby was about the size of a poppy seed, it was hard to imagine something so small. Every month she would tell you how big your baby was getting through the sizes of fruits, it always made you laugh. Almost every day you had to convince Leah not to buy something baby-related. You would be at the shops and she would see an outfit or a toy and plead with you that you had to buy it. When you weren’t looking she would place whatever it was in the cart and you wouldn’t notice until you got home.

You had experienced pretty typical symptoms, swollen breasts, mood swings, and nausea, but nothing too extreme. To be fair, it mostly just felt like you were on a month long period. But you now found yourself rubbing small circles on your stomach more often. Right before you and Leah would go to bed, she would always politely ask to put her hands on your belly. She wanted to make sure you were completely comfortable and you would always tell her that she really didn’t need to ask, she was also the baby’s mother, but every time without fail she would ask for permission. Leah would whisper small affirmations to your belly and sealed it with a kiss.

“Do you think the baby can hear you yet?” you ask her.

“One of the books I read says the baby can begin to hear sounds at around 18 weeks.” she quickly tells you, feeling satisfied in her knowledge that she got from all the reading she did.

“Oh, what a nerd” you jokingly say to her, hitting her with a plush pillow.

“Your nerd” she replies as she sends you a cheeky smile and a kiss.

“So corny,” you tell her, shaking your head slightly before dozing off to bed in her arms.

Month 2: Raspberry

Today’s appointment was one you and Leah had been crucially waiting for, circled on the calendar for weeks, today you would hear the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. You had previously looked up pregnancy journeys to get an idea of what to expect and you knew that for some people, this is where some parents had found out that their sweet angel baby had passed. The thought was absolutely crushing and waved over your head as Leah drove you to the clinic, it was utterly terrifying. Since you had taken the IVF route, there was a higher possibility of having a miscarriage up until the second trimester. You tried to keep your cool and not tell Leah in fear that if you got the horrible news, would she blame you, would she hate you? Your hormones were all over the place and did not help you whatsoever so when it all bubbled over and you broke out in instant tears when you pulled into the parking lot, Leah knew something was wrong.

“Baby what’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you in any pain?” she quickly asks as she turns to face you in the car, reaching out to hold you hand.

You try to answer her through your sobs, only being able to get out, “...You will hate me”

“Hey hey hey, I need you to calm down love. Breathe in and out okay?” she tells you as she over exaggerates her breathing to have you follow along. Her comforting soft voice and the physical contact of your hands, you manage to relax.

“I was online and loads of people say that this appointment can shows sign of birth defects or even if…” You can’t get yourself to finish the sentence, not even wanting to possibly speak it into existence. But Leah knows what you are talking about, she’s done her research too, she’s read about this appointment, she knows the news you could hear.

“Look at me”, she pulls your lowered head up by your chin, “Whatever happens in there, we will weather it together okay? I could never, ever, hate you. You are the bravest and strongest person I know and the courage it has taken for you to go through this process is already enough for me. I’m sure baby is perfect, just like her mother.” Her words put you a little at ease, this was something neither one of you had ever done, it was scary but also you knew it would eventually be the best thing to ever happen to the both of you.

Once you had managed to calm down a bit more, thanks to Leah’s perfect ability to know exactly what to say, you walked into the appointment with high hopes.

The female doctor was kind, asking you questions on how everything was and if there were any problems. On the table, you and Leah held hands, needing to be as close to her as you could. The time had come and the doctor warned you that the gel would be cold. You squeezed Leah’s hand tighter.

The next few seconds felt like forever, a lifetime, desperately waiting to hear the pitter-patter of a heartbeat. And then it came. A strong heartbeat was music to your ears. Your baby’s heartbeat. Tears brimmed in your eyes as did Leah’s, it was the most perfect and beautiful sound. You wish you could burn it on a CD and listen to it forever, luckily, Leah had recorded it on her phone so you could replay it any time you wanted.

“See baby, it’s perfect” she beamed. For Leah, this was incredibly special. She was sat with the love of her life listening to their baby’s heartbeat. The moment was perfect, just the three of you. A healthy baby was all she could ask for.

Month 3: Lime

For the third straight morning in a row, you had woken up to overwhelming nausea and was sat hunched over the toilet throwing up. If anything, it was mostly just annoying, but every time you though about how much you hated having morning sickness, you quickly reminded yourself that you were growing a full baby, your baby. Leah had started to become a light sleeper when you initially realized you were expecting, wanting to be ready for anything at all times. So when you felt a body come behind you to rub your back and hold your hair, you knew it was Leah.

“Baby you are doing so well” she coos as you once again throw up, her long fingernails run up and down your back, trying her best to soothe you. Your sore everywhere, your breasts continue to get bigger and more tender, your lower back now aches constantly, and you have to pee more often than you ever have. But you knew it was worth it, willing to do it a hundred times over.

Each morning you woke up sick, Leah would try to stay home from training, but each time you would convince her to go, explaining you and baby were fine and you promised you would call if you needed anything. At this point, you and Leah were the only two to know, keeping it just the two of you for a little bit, enjoying the journey together. Leah had secretly told an Arsenal staff member that exchanged numbers with you to text or call in case anything happened.

At one of your appointments, Leah had asked for an extra ultrasound of your baby so she could put in her locker in the changing room. Her teammates had asked about it, telling them it was a future cousin. If they had taken a second to look closer, they would have seen your name at the top. She liked having a piece of her future baby near her, spurring her on to play better, practice harder.

This was also the month when you finally let Leah go crazy and buy more things for the baby. You just didn’t expect Leah to buy so much, receiving a package almost every day. You were sure the postman had your address memorized with how often he was there. But you can’t deny that the tiny outfits or booties weren’t absolutely adorable and increased your already high need for the baby to arrive. Since you and Leah had not found out the gender yet, most of the stuff was necessities or gender-neutral things.

One day after training, Leah ran into the house screaming for you to close your eyes. Doing so, she places something in your hands.

“Open”

A small Arsenal baby kit with the last name Williamson across the back along with a small number 6.

“Awe baby! When did you get this?” you asked holding up the small jersey. It was so tiny but one day your baby would be wearing it, and your heart swelled.

“I told the man working it was for a family member, fresh off the press today.” she smiled.

“It’s perfect” giving her a kiss and pulling her down so she could massage your achy shoulders, “Love you baby,” you told her as her strong hands helped relieve some of the tension.

Month 4: Sweet Potato

The beginning of your second trimester was relieving as most miscarriages occur in the first trimester, so you were passed one of the scary humps. Your morning sickness had thankfully passed, a godsend really. One thing that had dramatically increased was your very quick mood changes and your emotions. You found yourself snapping at Leah when you really didn’t mean to, but she was always slow with you, understanding it was just a matter of hormones and you didn't mean to get angry. You also had a bad case of pregnancy forgetfulness, you would say something one second and completely forget it the next.

“Leah I do not want pizza for dinner, I said I wanted Nando’s” you angrily say to her, thinking she never listens to you, quickly becoming agitated.

“Babe you told me like maybe 10 minutes ago that you wanted to order pizza in. Do you want me to cancel it and order something different?” Leah pinches the bridge of her nose, clearly stressed out trying to figure out what to get for dinner since you had suddenly changed your mind.

“I never said that! Great now you are mad at me” Tears begin to brim, begging to fall from your eyes. You really thought you had said you wanted Nando’s but now you can’t remember, did you say you wanted pizza?

“I am not mad love, I just want to make sure you and baby eat.” Reaching for her phone as she orders online from Nando’s getting your favorite without even having to ask, knowing you like the back of her hand.

“God why are you always so sweet. I’m trying to be mad at you” you tell her. She doesn’t have to respond, rather pulling you in for a hug as she wipes your tears. She carries you over to the couch to relax before the food gets here, putting on a show that the both of you have been binge watching.

Baby was growing each day and you were starting to show slightly. It was honestly crazy, it was one of the surreal moments where you really thought about how you were carrying a human inside you, it was beautiful. Both you and Leah figured that now was a good time to start telling family and close friends.

You started with Leah’s parents and her brother first, gathering them around your house for a family dinner. Dressed in an oversized jumper and sweats, nobody could really tell you were pregnant unless they knew you were. After everyone had finished eating, you and Leah announced you had a gift for them. She placed the perfectly wrapped package on the table and Leah stood behind you and placed her head on your shoulder as you watched them open it.

Inside was the same small Arsenal kit that Leah had bought. You could tell Amanda knew immediately but wanted to give the boys a chance to figure it out.

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think this might be a couple sizes to small” Jacob bluntly states, laughter filling the room as Amanda hit him in the back of the head.

David had put the pieces together a few seconds later and had gotten up to congratulate the both of you as Amanda did the same, both had gotten emotional which made you get emotional and then Leah emotional, a happy emotional though.

“Oh I’m so excited” Amanda beams smiling with tears in her eyes. By now Jacob had finally realized and said his round of congratulations, telling the both of you that he calls ‘the fun uncle’, causing both of you to chuckle.

Telling your family went roughly the same, your parents sending congratulations and wishings, discussing each way they were going to spoil the baby when they arrive.

Next up was the Arsenal girls. You and Leah thought back and forth on how you wanted to tell them, trying to figure out the best way. You both had settled on getting each of the girls little plaques that had their names with the word ‘aunt’ written in front of it. Leah had gotten all the girls together at lunch and announced that you would be joining them, which was not untypical for you. The girls all loved you and enjoyed when you were around. Walking in with the bags of gifts, the girls immediately greet you.

“Leah your missus is glowing, way out of your league” the irish woman yells at Leah when you make your appearance. Leah quickly slaps her upside the head and pulls you in for a quick hug and kiss.

“Always lovely to see you McCabe” you send her a smile as she returns the smile.

Leah explains that you had brought them all something and they light up like a kid on Christmas. With Leah’s help, you pass them all out and tell them to open them when everyone had one.

There was a moment of silence as they opened the gifts and then chaos ensued, questions thrown at you and Leah, everyone talking over themselves.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” Beth asks. You simply smile back and nod your head.

"Wait! Is the ultrasound on your locker your baby?" Steph asks as you both nod your head, Leah grinning from ear to ear.

All the girls suddenly rush to you, pulling you in a few directions trying to give you hugs or feel your belly. You really didn’t mind, you knew they were all just excited.

Leah’s yells of telling everyone to be careful or backup went unanswered.

“EVERYONE BACK UP” She yells as she now has the attention of the girls as they do as she says.

“Are you okay baby?” she quickly asks to make sure and you reassure her that you are perfect.

Her protectiveness has increased dramatically since you started to tell people. She would never let you lift anything too heavy and would much rather her do everything. She set clear boundaries when people asked to touch your belly, always assuring people that they needed to ask you, and if you ever wanted to say no or felt uncomfortable you would tell her and she would fix it. You find her protectiveness cute, and annoying at times, but mostly cute.

The girls come in small clusters up to you and you chat with every single one of them, all of them talking about babysitting, play dates, asking you questions about pregnancy and such. They were all so lovely and you were blessed that you would be raising a baby with the Arsenal girls as their role models.

Arriving home, you were dead tired, a long day on your feet and socializing. Leah helped you do your skincare as you were basically falling asleep at the sink, but not long after you were in bed. Leah was in the middle of talking to your stomach when you felt the baby kick you. At first, it didn’t register to you, but now you were suddenly awake.

“Lee the baby just kicked” you tell her, grabbing her hand to show her where you felt the kick. It took a few seconds before the baby inside your belly kicked again, but now Leah felt the kick.

“They just kicked my hand” she yells, obviously excited. For a few minutes, the baby would kick every so often before stopping for the rest of the night.

“Looks like we got a future striker in here” you jokingly tell her, knowing it will rile her up.

“No way, they will be playing defense, that’s where it is at.” She says so asserting that you can only tilt your head back and laugh. Your back is parallel with her chest, as she places a kiss on your head and whispers ‘Good night love’ in your ear. You were now about halfway through your pregnancy.

Month 5: Ear of Corn

Throughout your whole pregnancy, you and Leah both had talked about whether you guys wanted a boy or a girl. Thankfully, you were both in agreeance that all you wanted was a healthy baby, the gender did not matter, and you both would be happy either way.

For the next appointment, you had invited Amanda so the doctor could tell her the gender and she could begin to plan the gender reveal party. At every appointment, whenever you got the chance to hear the baby's heartbeat, you would soak in each second of the beautiful sound. The doctor told you that the baby was developing well and that the baby had begun to grow hair. Baby was very active now, kicking more often and it felt like they were doing backflips on your blatter every few hours.

"Do you want to know the gender?" the doctor asked.

Both of you screamed "No" very quickly, shocking the doctor a bit.

"Sorry, no, we want to do a gender reveal later. You can tell my mom though, she will be planning the whole thing." The doctor told Amanda privately and then you all left the clinic to get food. Your cravings now ran rampant and you were always hungry, obviously now eating for two.

You began to get impatient waiting for the day of the party to arrive, often times you thought about simply calling Amanda and demanding she tell you, but each time you talked yourself out of it.

The day had finally arrived, surrounded by your family, Leah's family, her Arsenal and England teammates, and other close friends piled into your backyard. The sun was shining and everyone talked among themselves. You were mostly the star of the party, everyone vying to speak with you or feel your belly, but you wanted Leah to feel important too, this was her baby shower as well. You wanted her right next to you at all times, having her answer some of the questions shot at you.

About an hour into the party, you started to get a bit overwhelmed, lots of curious hands on you, and your social battery was dying by the minute and Leah was off with a few of her teammates. You just needed a few seconds to collect yourself so you escaped off to the baby's room. You and Leah had been working piece by piece setting up the room, late nights spent building furniture and then rebuilding it when Leah wouldn't listen to you when you tried to tell her instructions. A small lion stuffed animal that Amanda had bought out at the shops one day sat in the middle of the bassinet. She had said that Leah had an identical one when she was a baby and the thought made your eyes swell with tears whenever you thought about it.

"You all good? I saw you sneak out and head up here." a voice you recognized as Alessia asked. You and Alessia had gotten quite close when she moved into your home for a few months when she first transferred to Arsenal. She was absolutely lovely to be around and she was like a sister to you.

You turn towards her with red-rimmed eyes and you can tell the poor girl is immediately stressed, quickly saying, "Do you want me to grab Leah?"

"No I'm okay Less, I just needed a few minutes from the craziness outside," you tell her as she pulls you in for a hug. You trust Alessia so you relax into her arms. The baby kicks inside your belly, almost as if they knew Aunt Less was near.

"The baby just kicked, here give me your hand." Reaching out to grab her hand and place it on your stomach, the baby kicked her hand.

"No way!" she exclaimed. "A future England number 9 in there."

"Oh please do not let Leah hear that, she has insisted the baby will play defense." you laughed out.

Walking back down with Alessia, you were told the reveal was soon. Amanda had a cake made the color blue or pink inside when you cut into it. Leah gathers everyone around as you take place behind the cake, Leah coming to your side after.

"1, 2, 3" Amanda yelled out as you cut into the cake together, each holding a piece of the knife. The cake was a light shade of pink inside.

"It's a girl!" Leah shouted out as she jumped up and down and pulled you in for a searing hug and kiss. A little baby girl. Once again, you were in tears, the pregnancy hormones never took a break.

"A baby girl!" you said.

The rest of the party had gone swimmingly, everyone raving about a little baby girl. Kyra spent a lot of time trying to convince you and Leah to name the little girl after her, claiming it was the best name possible and all you could do was laugh at her valiant effort. Alessia and Ella argued over who would be the best aunt and Viv and Beth were talking about how Myle would love the baby. Your little girl already had so many people who cared for her.

Month 6: Head of Lettuce

At this point in your pregnancy, everything had really gone according to plan. Your growing girl was hitting every milestone and the doctor assured you both that she was healthy and that at this point, her eyebrows and eyelashes had fully developed. The dreaded Braxton Hicks contractions began at the beginning of month 6. They were like painful squeezing of your uterus or abdomen but they never lasted too long and most of the time you had Leah right next to you to guide you through them. They were a bit similar to period cramps.

You weren't completely bedridden yet either, but your belly had grown significantly which made tasks such as seeing your feet or bending over particularly difficult. Your sleep had also been disrupted as you were still getting up in the middle of the night to pee. Cuddling also got a bit difficult but you and Leah managed to make it work. After long days, Leah would stand behind you and carefully lift your belly up to relieve some of the tension in your lower back.

"Baby, I am going to set her back down, is that okay?" she asks as you shake your head in agreement.

Each month, Leah would take a Polaroid of you and place it in a scrapbook she had been making to show your baby girl one day. The scrapbook was filled with ultrasound photos, and wristbands from the hospitals, and had room for when baby girl made her arrival.

Leah had taken the initiative and signed you both up for courses such as a Lamaze class. The class was to help you with breathing techniques and relaxation. In class, you were the only same-sex couple but everyone welcomed you and some even asked about the IVF process which you were happy to answer.

The teacher had you and Leah sit on a yoga mat with your back to her chest as you practiced different breathing processes. The class helped you and Leah learn a lot and prepared you for the scary nature of childbirth. Especially with Leah by your side, you knew you would be supported, and she took the classes very seriously, asking questions and taking notes to look back at when the time came.

When a particular Braxton Hick rattled through your body one night as you both lay on the couch, Leah held your hand and guided your breathing like she learned in class. When it eventually passed, you thanked her and she simply insisted there was no need.

The past months have gone rather quickly, time was flying by as you were now on the last turn before giving birth. The baby's room was now painted a light shade of grey and all of the furniture had been built. While you were excited for her to come, were you actually ready? ready to be a mother?

It all came to the forefront one night as Leah finished up talking to your bump.

"Lee? Have you ever thought maybe you won't be a good mom?" you asked in almost a whisper tone, hopefully, low enough maybe she wouldn't even hear you. But she definitely heard you.

"Love, you will be the best mother. I see how you interact with children in both of our families, they love you, and they cling to you. You have this careful nature about you and I wouldn't trust anyone else on earth with a baby than you." Leah pleads with you, wanting you to help those thoughts leave your brain.

"I needed that Lee, thank you"

"Whenever you feel that way, I want you to communicate with me, tell me how you are feeling okay? I will always be here to help." She sweetly says. You can tell she really means what she says. She understood your thoughts entirely, feeling the same way at times but she would take on her own advice and talk to you when she felt that way and you would help ease her nerves and reiterate how great of a mother she will be.

Each night she would rub your back until your breathing evens out and she knows you are asleep. Pulling your body as close to her as she could. Dreaming each night of different things she can't wait to experience as a mom, and you did the same.

Month 7: Papaya

While Leah had genuinely bought every baby product you could possibly think of, she insisted that she plan you a baby shower, wanting to hit all the major highlights of being pregnant. You secretly thanked her for it. Your home was decked out in pink decorations as family and close friends entered your home. A simple late lunch and keeping things very casual was how you wanted to spend the day. You and Leah had said on the invites that you didn't need much but that you wanted everyone to bring a book as a card and write a little note to your baby girl to eventually read one day.

The Arsenal girls piled in with several gift bags, obviously not listening. Almost every single player had purchased a small kit with their number on the back so she could wear them when she came to the games, arguing over whose jersey she would wear more.

Steph and Caitlin had purchased several small kangaroo plushies and claimed that one day you all had to visit Australia with the baby. Lotte had made the baby a little blanket herself with the Arsenal red and white colors, she was incredibly talented and you knew it would get good use. The girls had absolutely spoiled baby girl and your heart couldn't be more full. As usual, the conversation about what position in football the baby would be playing came up once again, with Katie and Beth claiming she would teach her how to score an absolute banger of goals.

The day was very relaxing and the baby was very active as most girls got to feel her kick. At the baby shower, you played a little game and found that most of the girls held a baby like a football so you had to properly teach them, you could tell Leah's eyes were threatening to beam out of her head thinking about some of them holding your precious baby.

Eventually, Leah kicked everyone out of your shared home as she could tell you were getting tired. The rest of the night was spent relaxing on the couch and picking at leftovers from the shower.

In the coming days, you and Leah spent time trying to figure out the perfect name. Naming a baby was hard, she would have this name for the rest of her life, and it was overwhelming. You bounced around ideas back and forth.

"Emily?" you ask.

"No"

"Hanna?"

"No"

"Okay Leah maybe you throw out some ideas since you say no to all of mine" you laugh out.

"What about Stella? Like the star, since she was like a wish upon a star."

"I love Stella, Stella Amanda Williamson" you stated, revealing your intention to name her after an amazing woman.

You have known for a long time how important Leah's mother was to her and you knew you wanted to incorporate it into your baby girl's name. Leah thought about it but only wanted to do it if you were comfortable with it but hadn't mentioned it yet. Amanda was an important figure in your life too and you loved her just as much as Leah.

"You want to use Amanda as her middle name?" she asked to clarify she heard you right and you nodded back to her. Leah's emotions take over her as she breaks out in tears.

"Oh baby, it's perfect," she says through cries. "I am just so happy, happy tears."

Leaning down to your belly she says, "Stella Amanda Williamson. Stella after the star that I wished on for you to come, and Amanda for your amazing grandmother who will love you endlessly." sealing it with a kiss. You and Leah would keep the secret of her name until she was born.

Month 8: Watermelon

Your body had changed drastically at this point. You felt massive in every sense of the word. Your belly had grown significantly and little stretch marks outlined the top of your stomach. Your feet were in a constant state of swelling and that is when you could even barely see them through a mirror. You were tired all the time, sleeping was even worse as you could never get comfortable, and you were in a constant state of soreness.

You were supposed to be getting ready to go out for a dinner date with Leah since you knew that when the baby girl arrived you would be very busy, wanting to relish in just you and Leah time. Most of your clothes no longer fit so you typically sported a comfy jumper and sweats, so you didn't know what to wear for tonight. All of your clothes felt too tight and you felt utterly ugly.

"Baby are you almost ready" Leah asked as she peered her head into the room to find you sobbing in front of the mirror with just your bra and underwear on.

"Hey hey hey, what's the matter?" immediately coming to your side.

"Nothing fits and I look ugly!" you scream out. Your body no longer felt like yours, all these changes happening, it was like an out-of-body experience. "I'm constantly swollen, my breasts are huge and they hurt, I look and feel massive."

Leah didn't feel the need to answer. She simply bent down and leveled her head with your stomach. She placed a soft kiss on every single one of the narrow, streak-like lines that had developed.

"You're growing a baby love. Your body is growing to change. You have never looked so beautiful to me, a goddess might I add." She kissed every inch of your body in a non-sexual way. She kissed your chest and stated, "These are growing because they will be feeding our baby love."

"Thank you baby," you told her.

"How about we order in and watch a movie? How does that sound?" she asked.

"Sounds perfect" as you threw on some comfy clothes.

Month 9: Pumpkin

The last month had finally come and Leah took her last Polaroid picture, 9 photos of your growing belly, you could barely remember being so small in your first few months. Most of your days were spent on the couch watching trashy reality TV because the doctor advised you to spend less time on your feet.

Each day you had to basically shove Leah out of your shared home to go to training, promising you would call if you needed absolutely anything. Since the Arsenal team was made aware, the girls would ask questions about you almost every day and Leah was always happy to answer, she loved talking about her little family.

The Braxton Hicks had increased dramatically, and they were now more painful and lasted longer. I mean your body was gearing up to deliver a baby.

You and Leah had mapped out a plan with every instance in the thought process, if you were to go into labor at home, at a game, or when you were out. You had Amanda and your mom on speed dial as the days got closer to your due date.

This morning you woke up to a lot of pain but you assumed it was normal and continued with your morning routine and said goodbye to Leah as she left.

Sat on the couch, you felt a sudden rush of wetness between your legs. You knew it was time. The pain in your lower abdomen increased as the contractions began. You quickly called Amanda and explained your situation as she got into her car and came to your home.

"Love where are you?" she asked as she walked in.

"In here," you say through another painful contraction. She is immediately at your side, holding your hand, and guiding you through it.

Through a breath of pain, you say, "Call Leah."

She helps you to the car and grabs your to-go bags as she gets in contact with Leah and tells her to meet you guys at the hospital. She also thankfully called your parents and informed them, telling her they were on their way.

The drive to the hospital felt forever, in and out of pain, but thankfully you had arrived and got set up in your room and connected to a few devices that measured your heart rate, blood pressure, and contractions.

Back at the Arsenal training grounds, Kelly had pulled Leah aside and told her the news. Leah ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, throwing things in her kit bag as she tried to leave quickly.

"We're having a baby!" she yelled around the changing room. Luckily Lia was levelheaded and threw Leah in her car and drove her to the hospital as all of the girls yelled out good wishes and to send photos when she arrived.

A prayer was answered as Leah walked into the room, another painful jab hitting. She is at your side, clutching your hand, and reciting the breathing techniques she has learned from the classes.

Unlike the movies depict, labor was not quick by any means. Rotating between carefully squatting on a yoga ball and taking laps up and down the hallway, all with Leah by your side, telling you how strong you were. It hurt her to see you in so much pain, so she tried to be as helpful as she could. At times you would snap at her but then the next second you would need her close by. She kneaded your sore skin, paying attention to your lower back as it was in the most pain.

The doctor had come in periodically to check how dilated you were and after about 6 hours in labor, she told you that you were now ready to push. Leah helped you get situated on the bed and helped peal your legs up to begin pushing. Amanda and your mom left the room, you and Leah both wanted to experience just the two of you. By this point, your body was incredibly tired, having no energy to even think.

"Baby are you ready?" she asked with her soft voice.

"I'm tired Lee. I can't do it." you sobbed out to her. Your eyes wanted to close, you wanted to sleep, worn out from pain.

"Baby I know, but you need to push. Baby girl wants to come out." she could tell you were tired, she felt for you, and her heart hurt.

You pushed, mentally and physically, through the pain with Leah by your side, wiping your face with a cold rag every so often and telling you how amazing you were. Each push made progress and baby girl was making her entrance into the world. After what felt like hours of pushing, which was only really roughly about 20 minutes in reality, a loud cry filled the room. Baby girl has arrived. You and Leah both cry out, you had done it. The doctor and nurse together clean her off and she continues to cry, she sure has some strong lungs. You and Leah had told the nurse you wanted skin-to-skin contact when she came so the nurse carefully placed her on your skin, immediately calming down as she heard your voice.

"Hi baby" you sob out. Looking down at the most perfect baby in the world, she had Leah's nose and your ears, she was perfect. Leah was now staring at the two most important people in life. You look up at her and pat down at the side of the bed, wanting her to lie down and you tell her to take off her top to do skin-to-skin contact.

Leah quickly removes her top and lies down as you place Stella on her chest. All Leah can do is silently sob as she stares at your daughter, she can recognize Leah's voice from all the times Leah talked to her before bed.

"Hello Stella"

The nurse had gone through diaper changing and walked you through breastfeeding as you fed Stella for the first time. Wrapped in a pink blanket with a little pink hat on, you had Leah grab both sets of parents. She was weary at first, not wanting to overwhelm you, I mean you quite literally just gave birth and she knew they would all want to hold her, maybe Leah also didn't want to share Stella just yet. But you convinced her you were both okay and welcomed them in.

"She's here" is all Leah says out to the hallway as they make their way in. Leah took her seat back on the bed as you held Stella.

"Oh, she's beautiful" Amanda coos. Your parents and hers check on both you and Leah before you hand your mother her.

"She's perfect you guys." Your mother says as she cries, you can also tell your dad has tears in his eyes but he is stationed at your side, checking you out with his eyes to make sure his baby girl is okay, David and your father each check on their children as Leah talks to her dad about how everything went. Amanda is now holding her as she asks her name.

"Stella Amanda Williamson" Leah says as Amanda cries more. The room was mostly focused on passing her around and taking pictures. Your heart felt full, a very emotional day, but every second was worth it. Stella had begun to cry after a few and when your mom placed her in your arms, she settled down. Most of the day was spent feeding her every few hours and changing her. You also had pumped milk into a bottle so that Leah could feed her too. Stella was absolutely perfect, everything you could imagine and more. You and Leah were parents. A wish come upon a star, a wish come true.

[animehideout]

I'm in need of fluff and comfort. Could I please request headcanons for how the JKK guys would comfort an S/0 who is doubting themselves and their abilities.

JJK Men Comforting Their S/O Who's Doubting Themselves

a/n: Hiii anon thank you for this fluff request, I hope you like it and it comforts you 🫶🏻. Sending you warm hugs ✨❤️.

Characters: Choso Kamo / Nanami Kento / Gojo Satoru.

Choso Kamo: Words Of Affirmation.

When you're doubting yourself, you'd avoid talking to him, scared that he might judge you.

So you'd distance yourself from him.

He'd think that he did something wrong.

So he'd do everything in his power to make it up for you.

He'd apologize even though he did nothing wrong.

"Love? Please talk to me! I'm sorry if I made you upset, it won't happen again...I promise"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong Choso, it's just me–I'm just not good enough"

His eyes would widen in shock, you've always been so perfect in his eyes, so you confessing that you're doubting yourself took him by surprise and broke his heart.

A moment of silence would wash over both of you, letting your words sink in.

His wide eyes softened, gently taking your hands in his large palms ensuring a tangible connection.

If you cry, he'd get too emotional and tear up with you.

He'd give you time to speak your heart out, stopping you in between to give you his opinion; mainly telling you that you're amazing.

His words are his tool of comforting.

He'd list out all of your strengths and unique qualities.

"You are stronger than you think you are! You're unique!!"

"You have no idea, love! you always make me a better person, you motivate me to keep on going–"

Each sentence emerged from the bottom of his heart, full of sincerity and love.

"We all face hard times but know that you're capable of everything and anything baby"

His words were crafted to lift up your spirit and they did.

He'd spend the whole night expressing his belief in your skills.

He'd delete your self doubt and replace it with self-confidence, self-love and power.

Nanami Kento: A Good Listener.

It would be when he gets home from work.

His keen awareness would allow him to pick up on the tense atmosphere, the moment he stepped into your shared bedroom.

He'd loosen up his tie, and approach you gently.

He knew that something is wrong, from the way you faked a smile to greet him, and from the way you were curled up like a ball on your bed.

"Honey! you alright? wanna talk about it?".

The bed sinking behind you. His hand carefully rested on your shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"You know you can tell me anything right?".

Leans in to press soft kisses on your arm, letting you know that he's there for you.

His presence alone, motivated you to vent.

You slowly turned, now facing him.

He opened his arms, signaling for you to get closer and lay in his comfortable embrace while you talk about your feelings.

"I feel like I'm not doing anything right..I always mess up things.. I'm not good enough–" you'd start.

The more you talk, the more he holds you close to his chest.

He'd listen to you attentively, leaning in slightly to catch every word you say.

Nods in understanding and hums.

Creates a safe space for you to let everything unfold without being interrupted or feeling ashamed.

He would ask logical yet thoughtful questions.

Inviting you to share more without making you feel pressured, like asking about what triggered this feelings, how long have you been doubting yourself... Is it related to a past trauma.

He would try to understand every detail.

He would know when and what to ask.

Very considerate and patient.

Adresses every concern with genuine understanding.

Even if your words are scrambled, he'd totally get you.

He'd wait patiently, giving you all the time you need to formulate your sentences and find the right words.

He would be silent when you talk making sure to not interrupt your train of thoughts and express yourself fully.

His careful and considerate nature allows you to feel secure and comforted. Just by listening to what you say, you'd feel loads better.

"I totally understand sweetheart! this is a safe place, you can tell me everything.. I'm all ears"

"we will work on it together, okay?"

Gojo Satoru: Physical Affection.

He'd notice right away how your mood dropped.

You were in a public place, so he would take you somewhere more private so you can be yourself without trying to fake a smile.

Gojo chose the language of touch.

He's always been so physically affectionate with you, so when you're feeling down and in need of comfort he'll double that affection.

Wouldn't leave your side.

He'd know that you're doubting yourself, he always reads you like an open book.

He'd give you a big hug and let you cry or just snuggle in his arms till you calm down.

He'll show you that he loves you the way you are.

His body moves on its own, from holding you close till he squeezes air out of you, to peppering your face with playful kisses, earning giggles from you.

"Here's that beautiful smile again".

He'd give you time to calm down, and gain your confidence back.

"I have faith in you, you're amazing, never forget that...now come here let me kiss you".

Even after he manages to make you feel better, he'd never leave your side, spend the whole day attached to you like a koala.

His arm still wrapped around your shoulder, giving you kisses and headpats every now and then.

Leaning down, to check up on you and make sure you're comfortable.

Boops your nose a lot.

"Are you feeling better now??"

"Whenever you feel down, I'll make sure to lift you up" .

Cracks jokes to make you laugh.

Tickles you a lot.

Wouldn't let go of you till he makes sure you're back all smiley again with no worries at all.

He trusts you a lot, and always makes sure to show you that he's proud of you.

[bvclee]

high school sweetheart.

sypnosis: you had a crush on a girl that never seem to noticed you, so your friends and yourself had the great idea that you probably should write her letters until the ski trip, too bad you've mistaken her locker with jang wonyoung's, the most popular girl in school.

warning: maybe kind of social anxiety (?), not really but enemies to lovers.

(sorry for any grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!)

genre: fluff, maybe a little angst.

ever since you came into high school, you catch yourself staring at An Yujin, the volleyball team's captain. your friends were quick to noticed how you would ramble about her, pure admiration filling your voice.

she was sat next to you in math and would explained you what you weren't understanding, you swore you fell in love, but she never seemed to care more than that.

"—you're so right ! she will like me with that." you affirmed as Rei raised an eyebrow at you.

"are you really sure this gonna work?"

"well, people like poetry!" you defended yourself as Gaeul giggled leaning back on her chair.

"what do you mean? how laufey and pinkpantheress' lyrics are supposed to be poetry-?"

"it is!" you cut off Rei, making the one that gave you the idea giggled once again.

the canteen was pretty loud. you never really liked loud places, it made you uncomfortable and tense.

—

Jang Wonyoung, high school sweetheart.

it would be a lie if she said that she don't received love confessions in her locker every weeks. in fact it was very common for her.

but this time it was beyond different.

she couldn't help herself but smile, that's when one of her friend pointed it out.

"that's laufey lyrics! i love laufey!" Liz exclaimed as Wonyoung took back the letter as soon it left her hand afraid it would be tear apart.

Leeseo raised an eyebrow as she tried to remember who kim y/n was.

"ooh! i know her!"

her?

Wonyoung eyes widened, she didn't noticed the name before. it was the very first time a girl ever confessed her love to her.

"who's she?"

"that's Yujin-unnie's math seat mate. the one that she helps a lot but ends up with perfect grades."

"i thought she had a crush on Yujin?" Liz questioned confused as she tilt her head towards the youngest.

Leeseo took out her phone as she showed the tallest your instagram.

"send me her profile, need to stalk her highlights." Wonyoung announced as Liz let out a scoff in slight shock.

it wasn't unusual.

—

"Yujin was smiling a lot more! it totally worked! guys im telling you this is working." y/n said as Gaeul shook her head smiling.

Rei thought a moment before heading her a piece of paper out of her bag.

"then write a new quote!" Rei said supportively as she placed a pencil on the offee table in front of her as she let herself fall onto Gaeul's couch.

Gaeul's parents had always good taste, it wasn't a surprise for them to have a living room this comfortable and welcoming.

Rei liked it.

you thought for a moment before writing the quote not minding Rei's curious glares nor Gaeul reading out loud as you were writing. the green pencil slipping on the sheet as your focus face made the girls smile at you. it was cute how involved you were.

"i'm doing it until the ski trip and then confess, easy-peasy!" the two girl sitting in front of you shared a glare before bursting into laughter.

you gave them a stare as they calmed down smiling like two idiots acting like nothing happened as if they didn't just made fun of you for being a little too corny.

"yah! it's not funny!" you hit Rei's shoulder with the nearest book you could laid your hand on when you heard her chucked silently.

—

Yujin smirk once again trying to reach the letter, an eyebrow raised at her volleyball teammate.

"come on, let me see! as your captain, you must–."

"it has nothing to do with volleyball!" Wonyoung defended herself as she gazed another time on the note you slid into her locker once again.

after a few more begging and whining, Wonyoung gave in as she hand the paper at Yujin. her eyes drifting from the hallway as she saw you walking with your friends.

you took a quick glance at Yujin as you watched her passing the note to Wonyoung, your face remaining confused as you let yourself drag you away an unreadable expression on your face.

in reality you were jealous, why would Yujin pass your ´love letters' to Wonyoung. why were Yujin smiling like that? was it because of you or Wonyoung's perfect annoyed face?

Wonyoung's orbits widened as she hit Yujin on the shoulder panicked.

"the fu-? what was that?" the volleyball captain rubbed her arm glaring at Wonyoung.

"she saw us!"

"who–?"

"Y/n! she looked hurt!" Yujin rolled her eyes and hit the popular girl with the same among of strength she received a while ago.

"maybe she thinks you're making fun of her, you should probably write some notes with lyrics or poems or whatever back at her."

Wonyoung froze for a second before smiling placing her hand on Yujin shoulder.

"you're a genius."

—

you kept this little game between you two going, it was now time for the ski trip and you were impatient.

when you entered the bus, you expected Yujin to wait in a seat alone like 'she' mentioned in her letter, you were quit surprise to see her seating with Liz already sharing some snacks.

"y/n, please sit down." your teacher said as every eyes in the bus fixed their stares on you.

you never liked loud place and full of people. like the bus. you hated school trips if you weren't sat down next to someone you knew.

as you were about to protest an angelic voice offered you a sit with an hesitant smile.

Jang Wonyoung, high school sweetheart.

the one you probably tell your children's about even if she was just your friend, your classmate or hallway crush.

you sat down immediately scared of the stares on you glaring at your hands wrapped around your bag.

"miffy." you turned your gaze to meet the most beautiful smile you've ever laid your eyes on.

"excuse me?"

"oh, i meant i like your miffy plushie." she explained referring to the small stuffed animal hanging on your bag.

"thank you.." you replied nervously eyeing Yujin from the corner of your eyes.

Wonyoung was nervous and came to the conclusion you were probably nervous too so she took out a piece of paper and write down something as she placed it between your hands.

confused you read the note, you couldn't help a slight smile drawing itself on your face as you replied.

"snow!" someone exclaimed really loudly as you tried to watch by the window getting closer to Wonyoung involuntarily.

"you're pretty as the snow." she blurted out without warning as you look at her like you've misheard what she said.

you just smiled and took out your earphones as you were about to play on laufey, she remembered the very first note you send her.

remarking the way she was intrigued by the song playing in your earphones, you offered her one of your airpods as you both listened to your playlist in silence.

Rei and Gaeul shared a look confused.

Liz and Leeseo also shared a look, but it was totally different. it was a knowing look. both of them smirking quickly taking a pic.

people in the van were quick to notice Wonyoung's way to look at you. it wasn't ordinary that she sat with someone else than her friends.

—

"Wonyoung? how?" Rei and Gaeul asked at the same time both of their face holding once of mixed up.

"i don't know.. she just offered."

As Gaeul asked many questions, Rei analysed Yujin's group expression as they were watching you as Wonyoung talk.

'she has a crush on, y/n.' Rei came to this conclusion as she remembered everything that happened this past few months.

what if y/n were talking with Wonyoung instead of Yujin? Rei rejected this idea, fully listening to your rambling about every little detail that happened.

"you should confess." Yujin said wrapping her arms around Wonyoung's shoulder.

"what if-"

"she already likes you!" Leeseo argued back groaning at her friend.

the snow weren't falling but the ground were full of it, white snow spread everywhere recovering the grass a little.

the mountain covered too.

—

you heard a knock on the door, it was past the bedtime.

you opened unsure as you recognised Wonyoung's figure in the slight dark as she smile.

"it snowing. wanna walk around together?" she asked holding her gloves nervously but she seemed totally confident.

you glanced behind as Rei nodded multiple times and Gaeul just looked not understanding the whole situation as lost as you.

"wait, let me put on my coat." you replied, closing the door behind you.

you looked petrified.

"what's going on!?" you whispered-yelled, panicking.

"just go! Wonyoung seemed to be into you-"

"dont say things like that. she obviously likes Yujin too. she's like my enemie."

"a friendly enemie then." Gaeul joked, earning a slight scoff from the other one.

after what seemed an eternity, you finally showed yourself back ready to walk out.

it was quiet, a little cold but peaceful.

"i enjoy quiet things.."

Wonyoung nodded, she already knew that. you already told her in a note of yours. that's why she offered you a walk at night.

the snow hitting your shoes as you walked both of your hands inside your pockets.

she sighed as she stopped walking.

"i like you too." she confessed as your turn away.

"huh?"

"i like you too." she repeated.

you looked around maybe thinking that Yujin was too nervous to say it so she sent Wonyoung.

"does Yujin sent you?"

"pardon me?"

a weird atmosphere took place over your heads, it wasn't calm and peaceful, it was now tense and electric. like a bomb waiting to explode.

"the lyrics notes you sent me-"

"i didn't sent those to you." you harshly let out without thinking about your tone twice.

then it hit both of you at the same time. like connecting the dots together.

you realised you've been sending all these cute things full of love to the wrong person. to Jang Wonyoung, your friendly enemie.

silence.

dead silence.

"i'm sorry–." you tried to explained yourself out of this big misunderstanding.

"i'm so stupid." she murmured to herself, tears forming into the taller eyes.

"sorry, y/n. i won't be taking to much on your time anymore." she kept her head low avoiding your eyes.

shame.

she throw a paper away, leaving you alone under the lights of a street lamp apologising once again almost running away from you.

you didn't move, you just kneel down to pick up the piece of paper and your heart broke when you met your handwriting.

laufey lyrics, your very first note.

"Wonyoung!" you called as if she was still there but she was no longer in sight, probably running to her dorm.

and she had.

walking back to your dorm like a lost puppy, not knowing how to feel. you were sure of one thing, you didn't like Yujin anymore, at least not as much as you thought.

when you entered the dorm, Gaeul and Rei almost ran to you with big smirks as tears formed into your eyes.

the dorm was mostly in brown and pale blue tone, you liked it, it was welcoming.

"i've been sending letters to her. she likes me." you said between cries.

you weren't sure about the reason of your crying, maybe it was the disappointment of not winning Yujin's heart or breaking Wonyoung's heart. or maybe it was both or none.

Gaeul let you cry on your shoulder, she didn't saw that coming but Rei did. she knew something was off, she just decided to ignore it from the beginning.

"but you like Yujin?"

"i don't know! i like the person i wrote to, because Yujin was just a slight crush before the notes. i grew to like her because of those."

Rei sighed and caressed your back as you cried.

"you like Wonyoung's personality with Yujin's face." Rei tried to explained.

this whole month you've been dreaming of dates with Yujin, but she wasn't the one you truly like. she wasn't the one that truly liked you too.

you wiped your tears away.

"i like Wonyoung. i want Wonyoung." you sternly said determinedly.

"but–."

—

she avoided you all week.

ski trip was almost over and even if you made a promise to yourself to confess to Yujin, now it was different since the Yujin you liked, was Wonyoung. you had to confess to Wonyoung.

"it's impossible to find you at day." you said as Wonyoung turned around in shock as she stood up from the sofa in the hostel's living room.

"what are you doing here–?"

"Yujin told me you would be here." you simply answered making your way closer to her.

she felt chest getting heavy, ready for any kind of rejection. she was ready for your yells and cries and whatever you were about to throw her.

you took a deep breath.

"i think i like you. i fell for the person i wrote to this past few months."

"but, you liked Yujin."

"i did, i thought i did. but it wasn't as much as i was supposed to like her after this whole letter thing. so it means i like you."

"y/n–"

"i like you, im sure. i've never been more sure." Wonyoung didn't know where the confidence came from but she was kinda liking it.

silence.

it was different from last time you two had a silence between you two, this one it was pure of another kind of tension.

you walked closer.

"look how much i like you." you grabbed her by the collar, and you crashed your lips onto hers.

she kissed back with passion and hunger, like she had been craving for your lips. it was slow yet meaningful. her hands caressing your waist as you let her.

"this is how much i like you too."

and you did it, confess before the end of ski trip. but you did it to Wonyoung instead.

Jang Wonyoung, your sweetheart.

BONUS: first and last notes you sent her !!

[remcycl333]

my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭����😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

[fleursblogs]

STOP OVER COMPLICATING THE VOID.

If you’re reading this I’m sure you’ve read MANY posts like this before. You probably already know whatever ‘methods’ there are to enter the void state, how it feels to enter it and have also probably read the many success stories posted by people who have successfully entered the void state and are living their dream life right now.

But is all of this really helping you?

If you’re familiar with all of what I just said, then perhaps you’ve come across the term ‘over-consuming’ information about the void. As a beginner, when I first came across this term I was insanely confused. Isn’t the whole point of this community to share information about the void state? If so, then how do you ‘over-consume’ information? Isn’t learning more about the void state a good thing?

These questions plagued me during my journey and I was worried whether I was over-consuming information about the void or not.

Firstly,

I want to say that learning more about the void is a GOOD THING!

It is TOTALLY OKAY to do your own research and try to find out more about the void state to have a better understanding of it. When you do your own research about the void state, that doesn’t mean that you’re ‘over-consuming’ information about it. When you do your own research then you can come to conclusions about the void yourself rather than blindly following whatever a post tells you. You can form your own connections and opinions about the void, and can even satisfy your logical brain to totally believe that the void state is REAL.

The actual PROBLEM arises when you come across posts that can totally change your perspective on the void in a negative way. How I understand it is, ‘over-consuming’ information about the void makes you develop doubts that can make you feel unmotivated and negative. It makes you think that you need to do much more than you actually need to enter the void. It makes you rely on different ‘methods’ to enter simply a state of pure consciousness.

It makes you think, “okay if I do this meditation and affirm a million times and eat this chili pepper while reciting a 10 page poem about entering the void, and do this every night and every morning then I’ll enter the void!” (A bit of an extreme example but you get it) This type of thinking is going to make you end up in the totally wrong direction.

When you think of entering the void like that, then it limits you. It limits you into thinking that without doing all of your fancy methods you have no chance of entering the void, which is COMPLETELY FALSE. Yes, you can enter the void without any method. Yes, you can enter the void without using subliminals. Yes, you can enter the void without meditations, or frequencies or brown noise etc etc.

I’m not telling you to not put effort AT ALL. It’s perfectly fine to want to do meditations or use subliminals etc etc to get yourself ready to enter the void state. It only becomes a problem when you start believing that doing your ‘method’ is the ONLY WAY you can enter the void. When you start believing that you can’t enter the void unless you do a specific thing, then THAT is a problem.

RECOGNIZE YOUR POWER. Stop limiting yourself and relying on methods and other things to enter the void. If affirmations make you feel more motivated then use them! If you believe in subliminals then use them as well! If you like using meditation to ease yourself into the void then do meditation! Just don’t slip into the belief of relying on these things to enter the void. You are whole without them, you are just as powerful without them.

I really hope this post helped and PLEASE for the love of the universe STOP LIMITING YOURSELF !! I hope I explained all of this well enough, but if not feel free to send me an ask or send me any questions you have in my DMs !! (I AM NOT A COACH IM JUST A PERSON WHO LOVES THIS COMMUNITY OKAY BYEEEE)

[shoddynomenclature]

Hi!!! Absolutely love your writing :)

Idk if you’re taking requests but if you are:

Been having a tough time lately, would it be possible to have the female companions (plus Aylin+Isobel) comforting Tav/Reader during a panic attack?

Thank youuuuuu sending you all the love and good vibes

BG3 Ladies Soothe a Panic Attack

I was honestly unsure I’d ever able to do this prompt justice, especially given how differently every person’s needs are in such a situation. But I felt inspired to give it a shot anyway! I hope it’s alright!

I also send good vibes and well wishes to all my fellow panic attack having soldiers.

In the spirit of trying to keep it vague, this one is pretty short. But without further ado, here’s Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Karlach, Minthara, Jaheira, and Isobel and Aylin!

Shadowheart

Shadowheart knows all the clerical tips and tricks that are gonna get you through this you through this.

As soon as you’re in full blown panic she’s got an ice spell at her fingertips, placing her cold hands on your face especially around the eyes.

She kneels down next to you. “Alright love, I need you to breathe with me,” she commands, modeling the most effective breathing techniques.

She’s very soft, nearly whispering so you have to really focus on her in order to understand what she is saying.

She’s very liberal with her praise, telling you how good you’re doing with every breath you’re able to match.

When the panic subsides, she instructs you to rest. She’ll lay with you if you’d like, but you need to rest for at least a few minutes before proceeding with life as usual.

She brings you food and water, taking the opportunity to make sure you’re taking care of yourself in general. You have to eat and drink at least a little bit before she’ll let you go.

She also wants to have a little chat about the root of the issue. What are some of your triggers? What are some things that help you specifically?

Next time, she’s gonna be prepared.

Lae’zel

Lae’zel is not the gentle type when it comes to these sorts of things, though it’s not something she’s entirely unfamiliar with.

When she sees the panic set in, she’s the first to pull you up to your feet and have you do jumping jacks or something.

While any observers might think she’s being heartless or unemphatic, the adrenaline actually works pretty well to pull you out of the panic fast.

She doesn’t make you feel embarrassed about it at all. She simply squeezes your arms and nods in understanding. It happens to the best of us.

Lae’zel is, shockingly, largely unfazed. You get the sense that she dealt with this before. Perhaps she even dealt with panic attacks herself in her youth.

She thinks it’s best to resume normal activities immediately, though she’ll secretly be keeping a special eye on you the rest of the day.

Karlach

In seeing your unbridled panic, Karlach starts to get a little panicked herself.

She just doesn’t really have any experience with this sort of thing and is completely unsure of what to do.

Her first instinct is to hold you, but if you put up any sort of resistance at all she backs off immediately.

Whether you are in her arms or simply next to her, she whispering words of affirmation. But she’s unable to come up with much more than “it’s okay, soldier. It’s gonna be okay. You’ve got this.”

When you’re no longer gripped by panic, she’s still not entirely sure what to do. She’ll take your lead completely. Though she’s not entirely convinced that a simple “back to business” is the best course of action.

She’ll probably want to cuddle or at least hold your hand for a while just to make sure you’re truly alright. If she’s being honest, the ordeal gave her quite a scare. But she absolutely will not make this about her right now.

She’s going to be checking in on you pretty consistently over the next couple days. She may even get some pointers from Shadowheart on what to do if it ever happens again.

Minthara

Minthara’s first priority is privacy and protection. Anyone who isn’t her isn’t allowed to come anywhere close to you. Not when you’re this vulnerable.

After everyone is gone and out of earshot, she asks “Would you like to be held?” She speaks with the same tone and cadence she’s always using. Nothing about her softens.

If you say yes, she’ll silently pull you into her arms, allowing you to sob and heave into her chest until you recover.

Pretty much anything you need is fair game. She will not stop you from clutching at her clothes or skin, even if you accidentally hurt her.

If you say no, she’ll simply sit next to you in silence, occupying herself with a silent menial task. She will allow you some space, but she will not leave you entirely alone.

Either way, anyone who values their life will stay away from you; she’ll make sure of it.

You expect her to lecture you about such a blatant display of weakness, but she doesn’t. And anyone who would dare even mention it will receive a glare that makes them think better of it.

Jaheira

Jaheira’s first tactic is similar to that of Lae’zel. She tries to get you moving until the endorphins help you overcome your panic.

It’s honestly frustrating how effective it is. The height of your panic subsides quicker than it ever has before.

She is, however, quite a bit gentler afterwards. She has questions. Is this a frequent occurrence? What triggers your panic? How can we avoid it in future?

When you express to her your concern about your anxiety making you a weak link, she is quick to shut down any doubt that you are less valuable for this.

She’s raised enough children to know it takes all sorts of strengths and weaknesses to round out a team. Even those on the softer side have their purpose.

She eventually convinces to start taking more days off, especially when the task at hand has a high likelihood to push you beyond your limits.

Isobel and Dame Aylin

Dame Aylin pulls you into her arms. Even if you struggle against it at first, she just holds you tightly against her chest and gently shushes your sobs.

Meanwhile, Isobel handles the situation very similarly to Shadowheart, bringing her clerical knowledge in to support you.

She strokes your face with cooled hands, not minding the way tears pour relentlessly down her hands. All while a strong Aylin gently kisses the crown of your head.

Aylin shields you from the world with her wings, only allowing Isobel close. Anyone else will receive a gentle yet firm “Begone.”

When it’s over, Isobel tells you to rest. She’ll probably insist prefer you came back to/stayed at camp with her for the rest of the day.

As loathe as you are to miss out on a day on adventuring, Isobel’s company makes for the best afternoon anyone could ask for.

[stawbeemilk]

⤷ their love language – hq

✩ characters: various

✩ warnings: none

✩ a/n: i finally managed to get the motivation to actually sit down and write something, thank you for being so patient with me!!

⭑ physical touch

he's definitely a little touch starved, regardless of how much he might try to deny it. it was definitely a bit of a shock when you first started dating and you saw a completely new side to him, discovering just how clingy he could be and how much he loves to be close to you. there's nothing that makes his heart flutter more than feeling the warmth of your body against his own, and he finds himself unable to stop from initiating physical contact at every chance he gets. he appreciates the little things such as linking pinkies or having his hand on your lower back when the two of you are in a crowd, but he especially loves cuddling with you after a long day while you play with his hair, and when you randomly hug him from behind he literally melts.

⤷ bokuto, hanamaki, nishinoya, konoha, goshiki, atsumu, yahaba

⭑ words of affirmation

he's always encouraging you, not only with actual words but also through smaller gestures, such as leaving you little notes on the fridge for you to read before you leave for work or by sending you sweet messages throughout the day. he loves to tell you how proud he is of you, congratulating you for all of your achievements, regardless of how small or unimportant you might think they are. if you're ever feeling insecure about yourself he will reassure you as if his life depends on it, complimenting you and reminding you that he thinks you're perfect— but at the same time he also likes to hear encouraging words from you, especially at times when he tends to doubt himself and needs nothing more than to hear that he's enough.

⤷ akaashi, yaku, oikawa, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tanaka

⭑ quality time

he's not always the best with words, and so he prefers to show you he cares by spending time with you. sometimes it's a case of not doing anything in particular, and instead just being in the same room as you and enjoying your company. he really appriciates the fact that the two of you feel comfortable enough to simply be in a room with each other, not feeling the need to try and fill the silence with small talk and finding the lack of conversation to be comforting rather than awkward. he also enjoys doing chores with you such as getting groceries together or cleaning the house, things which others might find mundane, but he likes doing them purely because it means he gets to spend time with you.

⤷ kenma, tsukishima, kyotani, ushijima, kunimi, sakusa, kageyama

⭑ gift giving

he shows his appreciation for you by giving you things, whether that's something he knows you've been wanting for a long time or just an item he's seen when he was out shopping that immediately made him think of you. he's very observant of the things you like and dislike, and when the two of you go out together and you subconsciously start eyeing a particular item in a store he'll definitely notice, making a mental note of it so that he can buy it for you later as a surprise. he's also quite sentimental and will keep absolutely everything you give to him, from birthday cards to polaroids to the matching bracelets you made when you first started dating— no matter how insignificant you think it might be, he keeps it.

⤷ kuroo, hinata, sugawara, matsukawa, semi, yamamoto, suna

⭑ acts of service

he loves doing favours for you, especially when he knows you've been feeling stressed or overwhelmed, and when you're sick and need someone to look after you he'll always be there for you no matter what. he's the type to make sure that you're taking care of yourself and will frequently ask you if you've eaten— if you say you haven't he will insist on making you food or ordering you takeout, telling you that you shouldn't go without a proper meal. while he loves taking care of you, he feels so warm inside when you do the same for him, and having you there to support him when you know he needs it the most will never fail to make him feel loved.

⤷ daichi, kai, fukunaga, iwaizumi, kita, osamu, hirugami

⤷ please do not repost my works on any other sites!

[sabahs-stuff]

Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)

(Success story)

❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..

However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.

I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂

Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.

So, this is what I did (•_•)

Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"

Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂

every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"

But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂

I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂

I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.

Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.

I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-

Here are some tips:

Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 

Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.

And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.

The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head

The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻

Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷

[ratatoast]

Son coeur est le tien

Alastor x Reader qpr (general headcanons)

a/n: halfway through writing this, i realised that maybe my idea of a qpr might be different than someone else's haha,,, also, this is the very first time I've written for hazbin hotel lol (and should i mention that english isn't my first language? haha)

that being said, i hope y'all enjoy this mess :P

also also if y'all would like me to continue writing Alastor qpr (cuz there's def a shortage on that), feel free to send me prompts :)) i obvi wont write nsfw, but other than that, i think anything is fine (?)

Being in a qpr with the radio demon would include…

Long talks over tea/coffee

There’s never any awkward silence between the two of you. You two could be chatting about the most mundane things, and the conversation would still flow perfectly.

He’d definitely learn exactly how you like your hot beverage.

I personally can’t imagine him being an avid coffee drinker tbh, but I don’t think he’d mind if you are one.

Takes your tea parties very seriously, knows all your favourite pastries, puts on some smooth jazz, brings out the fine china, etc

Loves listening to you talking about your day, your current interests, hobbies, etc. Even if the topic itself isn’t all that interesting to him, he’ll still listen to you.

The both of you love gossiping with each other. Neither of you will admit it to others though.

Petnames

You very rarely hear your given name come out of this man’s mouth.

He never calls you anything that he deems too sickly sweet, usually sticks to dear, sweetheart, or darling.

If he’s having a particularly great day, he might call you love, but that doesn’t happen very often.

Constant praises & words of affirmation

I think words of affirmation is one of his main love languages.

He constantly showers you with praises, telling you how gorgeous you look, how witty your jokes are, etc.

We all know that this man is a charmer, however his compliments to you are more than just empty words… most of the time :p

Do keep in mind that this man is a master manipulator tho, so he isn't above using sweet talk to get what he wants.

Playful banter that keeps you on your toes

He loves a good back and forth, especially if his darling is a particularly witty individual.

The two of you can turn any conversation into a battle of words.

However, if you take it too far, he’s not afraid to put you in your place with a couple of sharp words, aimed to hurt.

But most of the time it’s just good fun :)

Never having to so much as lift a finger

He’s very big on acts of service.

Forget about opening doors or pulling out chairs for yourself.

He takes being a gentleman very seriously, especially when it comes to you.

But not only is he a gentleman, he’s also a powerful overlord.

So if you ever need anything, be that a new pair of shoes, or getting rid of a particularly nasty demon, consider it done.

Being his closest confidant

We all know that Alastor has many acquaintances, however he falls short on meaningful connections.

He doesn’t let people get too close to him, and it is sort of understandable why.

You are one of the only exceptions to that.

You know more about this man than all of hell combined.

It took a while for him to open up to you, and even longer until he started telling you about his past.

He’s the kind to drop hints about himself and let you figure out the rest.

Trust goes a long way with him, I think he’d be more open to sharing his plans and such with someone that he knows won’t question his every move.

Even so, there’s still a lot that you don’t know about him, but you’ll just have to take what you can.

You can dress however you want… as long as it fits his taste

He’s not all too picky about what you wear.

Contrary to popular belief, he wouldn’t expect you to be in full glam 24/7.

If you like more revealing clothes, well, he’ll just have to make sure that anyone that dares to as much as look at you the wrong way is taken care of.

That being said, looking well put together is a must.

You represent him in a way, and he expects you to look the part.

He can’t have you wandering the streets of hell in rags that not even the lowest sinners would wear.

Absolutely no modern technology allowed

Do I even need to explain this?

He’d rather be safe than sorry when it comes to the possibility of Vox messing with you.

You are never truly alone

Alastor would make sure to accompany you on your outings as much as his schedule allows it.

But let’s be real, he’s a very busy man.

He makes sure that a few of his shadows keep an eye on you though, even in his absence.

I don’t think your personal strength matters in this case, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s very little that this man wouldn’t do for you, especially when it comes to your personal safety.

Lets you get closer to him than anyone else

This time, I’m talking about physical closeness.

We all know that he isn’t big on physical touch.

However, I feel like you could get away with a lot more than others.

When the two of you are walking somewhere, it’s not unusual for him to offer you his arm.

When you’re standing next to him, he sometimes rests his hand on your back, although that is often a subconscious thing.

If you’re having a particularly rough day, he isn’t too opposed to letting you hug him.

You can also get away with laying on his lap sometimes, and if he’s feeling exceptionally gracious, he might even pet your hair.

PDA is definitely a big no-no, on one hand he has an image to protect, but I also just don’t think he’d be too comfortable with showing his more vulnerable side in public.

As for kisses… if you haven’t seen each other in a while, he might greet you with a kiss on your hand, but that’s as far as it ever goes.

He’s not a very touchy-feely person, so if that bothers you… good luck finding someone better than the radio demon ;)

me af tbh lmao

anway, thanks for reading pookies mwah (slash platonic lol)

[nailisaa]

hi nai!! i entered the void state last night (i woke up in it) and i manifested always waking up in it every night aware and my desired appearance. there's more that i want to manifest but tbh i don't rlly know what i want to do with my life and stuff and i would kinda use that as an excuse to procastinate but @gorgeouslypink once advised me to stop using that as an excuse and that i could contemplate after i entered so now im doing the contemplating about it

but i rlly just wanted to thank you and @gorgeouslypink and @xoxoloagossipgirl because you guys are the reasons i was able to enter

my sob story: i had been trying to enter for 2 years now and honestly i was never even consistent and i would just not even try until something super bad happened and then i would try to enter that night and ofc i wouldn't and i was just self sabatoging myself even though i rlly needed to enter. i dropped out of school bc of bullying and hid it from my parents, my parents were super abusive and mysoginisitc, i was bullied at school and work, i only had 2 friends and they both didn't rlly care about me that much, etc

what finally got me in: i came across the "wonyoung challenge" and i started binging gorgeouslypink and your page. gorgeosulypink doubts post is acc god send, like i recommend it to every single person who's trying to enter the void and it just motivated me so much and then i found your page and read a few of your loa posts and then cqme across the wonyoung challenge and i just basically followed it and entered

my advice: don't put a time limit and seriously occupy the mindset of wonyoung. i kept telling myself i am going to wake up in the void tonight because i said so because im just like wonyoung and if any issue came up, id just be like imma fix that in the void. at first, ig i was affirming and persisting cuz i was trying to adapt to that kinda new mindset but by day 3 it just kinda became natural and i did sats everyday. i struggled with sats but i mastered it by day 4 and then i entered it on day 5. literally just watch wonyoung content and watch how she is and copy it. she knows she's that girl and she always knows things are going to work out for her. so just know you are going to enter the void state and keep reminding yourself of that if it doesn't show up immediately but know that it is going to show up eventually because it's the law. sats is also really powerful and using it is the best thing u can do from my experience.

anyways thanks and I'm so grateful for you and pink and xoxo!!! 🤎💜💙💚💛❤️

AHH SUCCESS STORY!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, TRULY!!! 🤍🤍 don't thank me, YOU got yourself into the void, you just applied <33 also i literally love Wonyoung she’s so pretty and confident, so shes motivating for me! i’m so happy you have your desired appearance and are able to get into the void more often, let me know whatever else you choose to manifest, i love you!!!

@gorgeouslypink !!

@voidsuccessarchive @voidsuccess

[acehoons]

dating the zerobaseone boys . . ?!

☆! ot8 x gn!reader. fluff. not requested.

a/n: i didn’t include yujin bc i’m not comfortable in writing about him in a romantic way, since we have quite an age gap. hope u guys understand.

% . . kim jiwoong

this guy’s the most protective boyfriend to exist ever

is big on physical touch as a love language

always have to have his hands on you

on your waist, holding your hand, even gripping your thigh sometimes??? this man istg

more under the cut.

loves taking you out in dates

is a big restaurant man

i feel like jiwoong likes “traditional” dating

like taking you out for dinner, paying for your meal, walking you back home

i mean you deserve the best treatment so

he’s also big on surprises

if he gave matthew a bouquet on his birthday, imagine what he would give YOU, his s/o

likes to listen to you talk

let’s you ramble about your day for hours

he doesn’t really mind it, even if you think you’re annoying him with your rants

his favorite past time is to listen to you so

can read you like a book as well

takes him 0.1 seconds to know if and when you’re upset

would always try to calm you down by holding you in his arms

hates seeing you cry too

he sees one tear fall from those pretty eyes and he’s already on his way to soothe you

“what’s wrong, are you okay? please don’t cry.”

overall he’s a big softie for ya

% . . zhang hao

zhanghao’s definitely the type of bf that just loves to annoy you

teases you to no end

he just loves to elicit reactions from u, i feel like

but really, he’s incredibly caring

won’t hesitate to pamper you at any given time

he even calls you his prince(ss)

especially when you get sick

boy!! this man is never gonna leave your side when you’re ill

always tries to make time for you as well

even if he’s super busy, he’ll clear his schedule somewhat

even if it’s just for 20 minutes

is big on updating you throughout the day

you’d receive texts from time to time, just zhanghao telling you about his day

“we’re on our way to the company” “gyuvin fell on the stairs and landed on his butt lol” “dw he’s fine”

calls you at the randomest hours of the day to check up on you

likes to make sure you both are aware of eo every day

because he’s afraid of you drifting apart

his favorite dates are the spontaneous ones

like eating in a diner at one random night or going out for a convenience store run at 2 am

will always be there for you

doesn’t matter what you need

a hug? a new bag? 15 million won? someone to help you hide the body?

he’s there to provide

% . . sung hanbin

hanbin is a bf and a mother combined into one

is never not coddling you

always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself

and if you aren’t, he will >:(((

big on words of affirmation!!

but i feel like he’s the type to try and hit all of the love languages as much as he can

but yours (and by proxy, his) favorite is words of affirmation

bc he never fails to praise you and tell you how proud he is of you

the first time he said reassured you, you cried like a baby

and he cradled you like one, too

is there to comfort you at the speed of lightning

whenever you tell him that you aren’t feeling well, his priority is to ensure that you feel better asap

makes sure that you’re prioritizing your health over everything

sends photos at random times of the day

“babe we’re in busan! wish u were with us rn :(“

the two of you aren’t big on going out

so date nights would be spent with just the two of you cuddling on the couch and watching a movie

although you end up falling asleep halfway through

he secretly loves it

takes photos of you when you’re asleep and sets it as his lockscreen

tries his best to make homecooked meals for you

but if not he’ll just end up ordering takeout for you

he just wants to make sure that you are always happy, healthy and fed

% . . seok matthew

now this man is the definition of a golden retriever bf

is the happiest when you guys are together

loves to take you out on dates!!

library and park dates are his favorites

just anything involving the two of you walking around together

is also a clingy baby

is immediately sad when you guys separate

spends most of his days thinking about what the two of you could do together

likes to listen to music with you

makes you lots of playlists to listen to

is also the type to facetime you for a period of time

when you’d be studying and he’d be practicing his vocals

likes to ask you for advice as well

he thinks you’re one of the smartest people he knows so, it makes sense

is fond of sending you photos of things he sees that reminds him of you

“babe look! this goat looks just like u ㅋㅋ“

teases you sometimes, but not as much

is also big on cuddling

boy if you guys sleep together.. good luck

expect this man to cling on to you so much

he’d almost be laying on top of you

likes to bury his face in your neck

this might sound weird, but he loves your scent so much

not your perfume, but your natural scent

it reminds him of home, almost

because at the end of the day, he always comes home to you

% . . kim taerae

another sunshine boyfriend

he’s just always so smiley when you’re around

likes to take buy you flowers and chocolates

you’d put one of the flowers behind your ear and he’d take a photo

later you’d see it as his lockscreen on literally every gadget that he has

likes singing to you

but also likes to hear you sing

even if you think that you aren’t good, he just likes your voice

sends you snippets of him singing whenever he can

is big on quality time and acts of service i think

whenever you go out on dates, expect this man to do everything for you

even if it’s just to tie your shoe or to ask for a napkin in a restaurant

you are a prince(ss) to him. period

likes playing with your fingers whenever you hold hands

he does it a lot, especially whenever he’s nervous

like before a performance

having your hand in his calms him down a lot

can also be a little protective of you

he’s okay with you wearing anything you want when you go out,

but expect him to wrap his arms around your waist whenever he notices someone staring at you outside

incredibly whiny when you won’t give him what he wants

“babyyyy, i need one more kiss, c’mon!”

i mean, who can resist this man???

% . . shen quanrui

make way for our young and rich tall and handsome charisma boss baby

this man is going to SPOIL you rotten

obvi buying you material things isn’t an issue

he’ll get you the most expensive things even when you complain

you need a new bag? he’ll get a louis vuitton. you need some clothes? there’s a chanel store near his place. you want some food? expect some gourmet takeout

he just wants to provide you the things you deserve, even if they are expensive

but ricky doesn’t just spoil you with material objects

he’s big on assurance as well

always making sure that the two of you don’t end up in any disagreements and misunderstandings

the thought of you worrying about him worries him

always asks your opinion on things, too

about his clothes, his singing, dancing, etc.

sometimes he uses that as a way to get you things

he’s send you a photo of a necklace one day and ask,

“baby, what do you think of this necklace?”

you’d say it’s pretty and boom, next day he’s bought it for you

if he’s big on giving you expensive gifts, he’s big on receiving handmade ones from you

he loves everything you make for him

handwritten letters, crotched stuff animals, everything

he keeps all of them in a box in his closet

and if you ever buy him any piece of clothing or jewelry

expect him to always be wearing it

because in a way, it makes him feel like he’s carrying you with him wherever he goes

% . . kim gyuvin

boy.. good luck

you just got yourself a bf and a baby all in one

i’m jk, but we all know gyuvin’s a (literal) giant baby

likes to be coddled by you most especially

acts just like a little kid when he’s with you

but that’s only because he feels comfortable being with you

loves to watch movies with you!

at home or at the cinema, doesn’t matter

buys you lots of snacks. like. tons

it’s his love language; to feed you

likes to go to fun little events with you, like music festivals or fiestas

this boy has a social battery as big as a truck, so prepare yourself

introduces you to his friends a lot

and invites you to their hang outs

you end up being a part of their friend group, almost

and everyone loves you because you take really good care of gyuvin

although you make sure not to mother him too much, sometimes you just can't help it

you end up buying him things he needs or calling him at noon to make sure he's eaten his lunch

in compensation, gyuvin likes to make sure that you are always happy

would be the type to say a random joke or to even embarrass himself in public just to see you smile

"babe, babe, what do you call a fake noodle? an im-pasta!!"

it gives you a headache sometimes but you genuinely love it about gyuvin

how he always prioritizes your happiness,

sometimes even above his own

% . . park gunwook

another giant baby, oh boy

but unlike gyuvin, gunwook doesn't require much care actually

you just give him few hugs and cuddles and he's good to go

requires a lot of attention from you. like. all the time

if you guys are separated expect to receive dozens of messages and facetime requests from this man

always wants to talk to you during his breaks or whenever he isn't busy

and he always has a story to tell you

he's a little clueless when it comes to dating, given how young he is

so most of your dates just end with either the two of you hanging out at home

or just a simple late night walk around town together

however, he does like shopping with you

he's not as "giving" as ricky, but he's definitely one to buy you a few expensive pieces here and there

especially if he sees a pretty bracelet or a nice pair of earrings

loves to surprise you with them

he's big on physical touch as a reward

it's his motivation

"ok so if i finish my chores i can cuddle with you? alright, got it"

boom he's washed the dishes and mopped the floor and cleaned his desk table all in under 20 minutes

physically relaxes whenever he's with you

like he'd be tense whenever he's out in public, always wary of everything he says and does

but when he's with you, it's like all of his worries wash away

he loves you so much

to him, you are his comfort

acehoons © 2023

[xenizaation]

permanent

pairing: fem! reader x choi san (ft kim hongjoong)

genre: angst, friends to lovers, smut

general warnings: depictions of a depressive state, mourning of partner, self-blame and slight ptsd

sexual warnings: dirty talk, pet names, manual stimulation, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie,

word count: 12.6k

summary: they say moving on is hard. you find that it's even harder when in the process of it, you have to accept your feelings for your friend as well.

less important a/n: ok so this was supposed to be like 5k long 🙃🙃...chile, anyways. uhm, this came from me bottling my emotions up for the last 5 months and I just wanted to let some of my suffering out in some kind of way. even if it is far from what I feel (I feel the need to specify that the events related below aren't inspired from my life, happily so). read at your own discretion, for I have tried my best to make you feel horny and miserable at the same time 🥰🥰🥰 stay safe xoxo

a/n from long later: hi i wrote this about a year ago and i found it in my drafts and hey why wouldn't i post it after not posting something in ages? haha. enjoy! altough it's probably rlly bad and full of mistakes hihi, i ain't reading this again to correct it. i love you muah

______________________________________________________

The cold air felt like needles poking at your bare skin. You ran as fast as you could, barefoot in the woods, feeling every little scratch that was tearing open the skin of your soles and staining it with fresh blood. Your lungs were holding hostage a fire as you were inhaling the cold night air, and the sweat you felt dribbling down your face and back was only of help to make you feel even colder. You looked behind, once, twice, and then a third time too, slowly reducing your pace until it came to a halt.

"What am I running away from?" you ask yourself looking around. There was nothing, no one after you. So why were you running for your life? Your heart starts to beat faster as you hear screams coming from deep within the trees. But you don't run. You can't run anymore. You just fall to the ground, embracing your knees to your chest.

"Me!"

You don't turn around. That voice is way too familiar to make you turn around. Your mouth hangs open as you try to scream but no sound comes out as your muffled moans remain drowned in the deepest point if your throat.

You gasp for air as you wake up shaking your head relentlessly, in order to try to snap yourself back to the reality you're in- so your heart would stop beating so damn fast. You groan as you look over at the watch on your nightstand and see it spell 3:37 AM. You grab your phone from next to it and shut your eyes closed at the sudden brightness the screen displays. You manage to decrease it and open your contacts.

"Still awake?" you ask, and you know you shouldn't. He always offers you more than you can give back, more than you deserve. But you can't help yourself. You cannot deny yourself the little peace you still have in your life.

"Yeah, wassup?"

"Can you call?" you hit send and it's a matter of seconds between him receiving the message, him reading the message and then his name popping up on your screen. You answer.

"Again?" San questions from the other end of the phone. You only hum in affirmation. He sighs softly as you lay down on your side, phone trapped between your ear and the pillow. You hear the clicking of the keyboard and mouse clearly, he must be working late again. And yet he always answers. More than many people you've met did for you.

"Tell me a story." you ask once again. For the...well you've lost count.

"You know, one day I'm going to be out of stories," he answers and lets out a chuckle. Bathing in your silence, he takes his time to think about what he could tell you. As he begins, you close your eyes and imagine whatever he is helping you picture inside your head. Be it the times when he was a little kid and used to walk with his grandparents down the side of a river, or the times he was a teen and was always struggling to get out of trouble, San always gave you a vast amount of details that made you worship his each and every story. And they always made you dream something pretty when you dozed out of consciousness with him still talking on the other end. This night was no exception, so when you wake up, you send him a text that expresses your gratitude as always.

"Listen, if you still want a contract renewal you need to publish something within next year," you look at your boss and feel every word he lays out weighing your body down like you're going to fall through the floor. "I get writer's block, I really do. And we gave you time. You took your time. But it's been almost two years now..." his words stop reaching your ears as you're reminded. One year, ten months and twelve days. And still counting. The count will never stop, you realize, as the event it started from cannot be reversed. You will always be stuck in a period of time since it happened.

"You're one of the biggest names here in our publishing house, Y/N. We don't want to lose you but at the same time we can't keep focusing on you if it will be to no avail." he is right. He is always right, your boss. Always had a strategic mindset, and that always helped both of you. Except now. Now he was asking for something you couldn't offer.

"I'm sorry," you manage to blurt out. "I'm trying my best and I know it's not enough." if you had to be honest, hearing yourself say those words out loud made your heart break even more that it already was. Partly because it was true, and the rest? Because it sounded like you were asking for compassion, which you thought was pathetic. You never liked people looking at you the way you caught yourself looking at homeless individuals.

"I'm gonna get something out, ok? I promise you, just please have a little more faith in me. I need you to trust me to be able to do this."

You look up and make eye contact with him. Park Seonghwa was never one who showed compassion. But as his gaze traced over your fingers picking at your cuticles, the dryness of your lips and the shadows of your hollowed eyes, you felt something you grew too accustomed with in the last almost two years of your life.

Pity.

"Come on, let me take you out on Thursday." San pleaded as he was following in your steps down the hallway of the company you worked in. You didn't expect your little trip to talk to your boss would end with this. "You literally have nothing to lose." He completed and you stopped, facing him. You met his familiar and comforting eyes, which always reminded you of a cute fox, and his dimpled smile as he watched you keenly. It has been almost four years since he started working at the same company you did, but since the beginning, you two were more than just work colleagues. It was the type of connection where you would understand each other from simple looks into the other's eyes or where you could easily finish each other's sentences. You liked to consider him your platonic soulmate but you knew that if you hadn't had a relationship at the time you two met, you would've have surely gone out together and maybe made a good couple.

Well...now you didn't have a relationship anymore but you weren't exactly in the right headspace for one.

By now, you and all the rest of your workmates knew how big of a crush he had on you, but you never let it get out of control. You were feeling kind of guilty, to be honest. Knowing that in a way, you were using it to your advantage for your sleepless nights or the ones in which sleep was ruined by nightmares. But you were sure he was getting his benefits from it as well.

"Look, I want to but I really don't wanna be a bitch to you if I suddenly feel like shit." you reply, and in all honestly, it was true. Your mood hasn't been so stable lately, understandably so.

"Well, how about this: if you wake up in a good mood on Thursday and decide it's okay to hang out, you text me, and we do whatever you feel comfortable with. And if we do go out and do something together and you end up feeling like shit then you'll tell me and I'll get you home in the fastest way possible for a human being. How does it sound?"

Not bad. He is giving you every little piece of comfort that you knew you needed but you never asked for. So you agree. It wouldn't be the first time you hang out with San, sure, you never called them dates, because to you they were not. But you knew that for any outsider it looked exactly like that. And who is to blame? You two always worked hand in hand just so well. These no-pressure type of meet-ups you two had always made you feel comfortable so that was why you were considering it this time as well.

Days pass and you spend them stuck in your home, drowning in your bitter memories and your regrets. The taste of guilt never becomes sweet, you think. Not like how alcohol does when you drink more and more of the same kind. No. Guilt only grows in bitterness and in how it burns down your throat, feeling like it swirls all of your insides once it reaches your stomach. In a way, guilt feels like the long estranged sister of love. Both let their essence hover in your mind for however long they like.

As you rise from your bed to make some hot coffee you think of what day it is. Between the mix of reliving the moments long gone in the same apartment you still stand, and the countless intents to come up with something that you could present to your boss, you didn't know which one made you lose track of time more. You checked your phone for a bit of clarity. No new messages or notifications. At this point, everyone knew better than to bother you with their worries.

Thursday.

Well, seems like you had to cancel out on someone, you thought as you tried grabbing the coffee pot on the stove, but lost in your thoughts, you pay no attention to the handle and drop the pot on the kitchen tiled floor as soon as you feel the skin on your palm burn. You swore and quickly took a few steps back so the burning coffee on the ground wouldn't get to your bare feet. You shook your hand trying to get a cold breeze to the inflamed skin but it only made it feel worse. As you stopped to look at the damage you realized it wasn't all that bad, but it sure stung like a motherfucker. You ran your hand under the cold water of the sink and looked to your right. The brown liquid on the ground was expanding, getting in every little crevice in between the tiles.

****

Coffee was getting everywhere. It splashed on the kitchen counters, it was slowly getting under them too. You froze for a few seconds after your mug made contact with the floor, shattering to dozens of pieces.

"Well, that can't be a good sign." your lover said from behind you finishing with a low chuckle. You smiled, turning on your heels and taking in his form. You woke him up, well, the mug woke him up actually. Approaching you slowly, with a slight limp in his walk and his shoulders dropped all the way down, his hair was fluffed up and his skin a nice shade of pale with a few lines from the pillow on his left cheek. He always looked so angelic, you never could put it into words, how it made you feel, seeing him first thing in the morning. It was something that made your insides crazily stir up but made gave you a sense of tranquility, at the same time. That was how loving him usually was. Two opposite sides walking hand in hand. He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him, softly pressing his lips against the crown of your head. You joined your hands behind his torso and inhaled deeply. Your heart skipped a beat as your lungs felt intoxicated with his smell.

"Today is the big day, huh?" his voice was still hoarse as he spoke, every word of his drumming in your ears. You nodded.

"I'm really nervous." you answered and let your forehead drop against his shoulder. He hugged you tighter with the hand around your waist and gently pat your head with the other.

"I know, angel. But it's gonna be alright, ok? Your friends will be there, your parents will be there and I will be there. You can lean on me." he said kissing your cheek. "You know that, don't you?" his face right in front of yours, you responded with nothing more than a slow kiss. A kiss that was rehearsed so many times before that your lips and tongues already knew what they had to do, how they had to move around each other. Sometimes it felt like a dream, how everything came so easy with Hongjoong. How you didn't have to think twice about what you wanted from him and with him. And for all you knew, and all he had shown you across the time spent together, he didn't do that either. Every morning next to him felt like the luckiest one, and every night with him ended just the same. And you knew that if you were to live a hundred more years alongside him, you still wouldn't get enough of his embraces, or kisses or just simply him. There was nothing in the world that could cure the insatiable love you felt for the man in front of you.

As he pulled away from the kiss he gestured with his head behind you. "Now how about I clean the mess you made, and you make coffee for both of us? We have a book launch to attend, after all." you laughed and kissed him again.

*****

As your breath got heavier and your eyes started to burn up you unconsciously took your phone from the kitchen counter.

"a picnic would be perfect" you text your friend. The desire to get out of the prison your house has become, growing bigger by the second.

"Tell me if this isn't an appropriate question," you heard the man next to you say, derailing your train of thought as you directed your attention towards him. The weather is hot today, it really was a good call, suggesting a picnic. You haven't been on one in a long while and you missed feeling of how the calm of the nature overwhelmed most of your senses. Also, you couldn't handle a complicated social situation on this day. So it was perfect right now, laying on a blanket, stranded in a flower freckled field with none other than San. You turn your head towards him. " What made you want to go out today?" he completed, not looking at you. He was laying on his back, with one arm under his head and his eyes closed, as if he feared the reaction you were going to have to his words. You didn't blame him for asking. In a similar situation where the roles would be reversed, you knew for sure you would ask too. After all, you and San were made of many of the same things. " Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you agreed, but it didn't seem like you would." he adds.

"Some days my house feels like a torture chamber." you say turning on your side and facing him, supporting your head on your angled arm. He was so still, you could barely even notice the way he slowly breathed in and out. It was as if the sun was painting his portrait and he was afraid to move, to not mess it up. Every ray that was falling on his exposed skin seemed to caress him the way a lover does.

"And some days it does its job." you completed after returning on your position on your back, mimicking his. "Today just didn't felt like one of the days I'd like to be tortured." you finished and felt his gaze on you right before you closed your eyes. If you thought he seemed worried, you made sure not to address it.

"One time when I was little, I was playing with a friend of mine," you smiled, realizing this is just the beginning of one of his captivating stories. "I don't remember how we got to that point, but he left me in a room and said he was gonna lock me there, and so he got out and he did." a bit darker than what he usually tells you, but still intriguing.

"At first I thought it was fun, that we would take turns locking each other in the room but he wasn't coming back. The room had only one window but it was locked when I tried to open it and get out. So I just waited. I think hours passed, it was getting dark and I was getting worried and hungry, thought I'll be stuck there forever, until it crossed my mind. I never even tried to open the door. Turns out it didn't even have a keyhole."

"San, if you're trying to put me to sleep with this one, just know it doesn't really work." you say smirking, still holding your eyes closed as you let the sun bathe your face.

"I'm not, Y/N. I'm trying to tell you that most of the times, the doors aren't locked. We just think that they are." he responds and you open your eyes to look into his. His look is full of compassion, and a bit of sadness that you choose to overlook. You finally understand what he means to tell you and you realize he is right. But even if a door isn't locked, you shouldn't open it unless you're ready to do so. You gently touch the back of his hand, and he is quick to caress your fingers with his thumb, changing his focus to where your hands are joined.

"Thank you," your words came out more like a whisper than you would've liked. "I know I don't do much for you...but I'm hoping I'm not that much of a nuisance, like I feel I am." he turns his hand, joining his fingers with yours and making eye contact with you. The simple gesture of affection made your head dizzy in a way you haven't felt in a long time. Your heart creaks up a little.

"You couldn't be one even if you tried," he said, his gaze lazily tracing the outlines of your face. You were the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life, even now. Even after all the hardships you've been through, and that you're still going through. The adoration his heart held for you never stopped burning, no matter how much he wished for it to do so. For San, loving you was as easy as it sounded and as hard as it could get. Setting his eyes on the bags under your eyes he recalled a memory that stood like a scar on his brain. Your eyes were so dark that day, your eye bags a shade of purple he hadn't seen on any painting quite yet. Your lips were pale and chapped and your skin looked like it lost all its pigment.

Black didn't suit you so well, he thought. Not when it was worn the way you were wearing it then.

But the worst came when it was time to say goodbye. He still remembered your cries and wails and it made the skin on his spine tremble in its place. Could he ever forget how, on that day, you looked like the angel of death?

Now you looked better...like life was coming, little by little, back into your body, and the pure sunlight was definitely helping it. He should let the sun see you more often, he thought.

You pulled your hand from his when you felt like his eyes were analyzing your features for a bit too long. Rising in a standing position, you started examine the insides of the basket he prepared.

"Oh my God! You brought me watermelon!" you shouted loudly as you took the container holding the red pieces of fruit in it. The only thing San could do at your reaction was laugh, throwing his head back to look at the puffed up white clouds.

Four days since you brushed your teeth, three since you showered, two since you changed your clothes, one since you ate, and one year, eleven months and fourteen days since you've last held the love of your life in your arms. But, hey, who's keeping count anyways?

Time loses all its meaning when you confine yourself like you are some dangerous animal meant to be locked up in a cage. Between the moments you try to stay awake and the ones you try to sleep, you have little to remember. The only thing that gives a little light to the fog in your brain is San. His stories in the middle of the night, conversations you happen to have during the day and occasional meetings that you're always the one to initiate. He always makes you feel good, always picks the right words to say and you don't know how he has the patience for such things. You love and hate him for it. You love him for being such a considerate and kind person, and you hate him for making you forget. It's strange when you get home and reality dumps on you at the front door. The reality you actually live in and not one you indulged yourself to have with San for a few hours. It's just...with him everything is colorful and melodic but when you get home the only thing you hear are your sighs echoing off the walls back into your ears. You wished you could be stuck in the feeling you have around him forever, but at the same time, every time you have that feeling you feel guilty for it. Like it's impossible to allow yourself any sort of break.

The last days have been impossible to get through. All you did was look around at the mess that was around you. A mountain of clothes, waiting to be washed for weeks now, a sink full of dishes and mugs, lots of crumpled sheets on the ground ( proof of all your tries to put something together). Everything was a disaster, inside and out. You had no willpower to do anything about it but you knew that the more you would stay in a shitty space, the more you would feel like shit. So for the first time in months, you opened the window.

*****

He placed the two mugs on the windowsill as he opened the window, allowing the cold breeze of the morning to brush over the exposed skin. He watched you closely as you made sure to turn off the stove and place the coffee pot in the sink. Your eyes met his as you felt the cold air run down your back, giving you shivers. He smiled contentedly at the sight of your body slowly shuddering. The "window" habit was a thing Hongjoong let into the relationship since the beginning of it. It was crazy for you how sometimes you caught him doing it first thing after waking up. You loved to watch him open the window and inhale the morning air with his elbows pressed against the wooden frame. Those moments wouldn't last long, but you treasured them more than he maybe thought about it. There was a thing about this domestic life, and seeing him do his own rituals that had you turn into quite the observer.

"You love to make me cold, don't you?" you smile brightly getting closer and closer, until you reach the space right in front of him.

"Angel, you're so hot in the morning that I'm afraid you might overheat. I need to cool you down a little, don't I?" he says on his usual cheeky tone, the one you grew to love in such little time. As he places his hand on your hip, you take a sip of your coffee. Like your actions served as a reminder of the hot liquid resting in his mug, he does the same.

"I can think of some other ways you could cool me down..." you say as you hook your finger on the front waistband of his pajama pants, sliding it from left to right. He chuckles in his mug and pulls you closer. Your chests rise in unison as you look each other in the eye, you don't say anything but this moment feels like a promise neither of you wants to break.

He looks to his left, at the city and at the people. Taking advantage of the opportunity, you place a few slow kisses on his jaw.

"I want us to find a new place," he says scooping you up as you squeal in surprise. You hook your legs behind his waist instantly while he walks towards the bedroom. "I want a balcony." He completes before kissing you and you laugh into the kiss, thinking of the many ways you two could make use of said balcony. He sure was thinking the same thing you did, giving how he started laughing as well.

His laugh was the only thing you ever wanted to hear again.

*****

You look down at the windowsill and see the brown marks in the body of two circles imprinted on the wooden surface. You always told him to use the damn coasters. Now the wood was stained. Permanently stained. Permanently ruined. Just like you were.

As you get on with cleaning you try to keep your brain busy with thoughts like what you should do after you finish a task, and what you should do after that one is finished as well. You thank yourself for choosing to clean, as you get out of the shower and throw yourself into the bed. Not only does it now smell like flowers, but you're also tired enough for sleep to steal you the minute you close your eyes.

"Ha! Check mate!" San exclaimed from the other side of the table you both were sat at. This was an odd activity that you had never done before. Playing chess, in a park, fully exposed to the summer sun. And you weren't even middle aged. Crazy to see how far the desperation to get out of the house will make someone go. But if it was with San, you were sure that there weren't many place where you wouldn't go.

"Your mind seems to be elsewhere," he said, angling his head innocently like the little puppies do when you tell them not to lick the outlet. His black hair was swooped out of his face, making his cheekbones pop out in a way you didn't think it was more humanly possible.

"Oh, you know damn well I suck at chess, San." you said kicking his queen with your finger. It became clear to him that you were an unfit partner for this game after like, the half of the first match. As the piece made contact with the chessboard, San tittered, making his eyes turn into crescents and his dimples scar his cheeks again.

"You just don't want to learn," he said as he started picking the pawns. You gave him a hand, collecting all the pieces on your side.

"You play the pawns when you still have the queen..." he offered a dramatic sigh as he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. True, it was more comfortable to lose with the pawns than with the queen.

"How's the book going?" placing the game of chess in his backpack, he made eye contact with you as he pressed his elbows against the surface in between. You sigh.

"It's not," you admit thinking about all the documents you've erased the last month or every manuscript you tossed in the trash. Nothing was coming together and you hated every word after writing it. Not only was this process driving you mad but it also made you doubt all your abilities as a writer. People would expect more from someone who had a bestseller out there, you thought. But it wasn't your job to rise to anyone's expectation.

"Maybe I was just a one hit wonder." you say smiling sadly. It really did pain you to think that you weren't able to do the sole thing you ever thought yourself good at. But maybe, after you lived in a thousand realities in the past two years (as of today, maybe the reason why you wanted to get out of your home so bad), this was your new one. A reality in which you weren't able to write anymore. Fear was not even close to describe how you felt about the future.

"Don't kid yourself, I know you'll make it eventually." San offers, grabbing your hand in his. "You know, you should be the last person who is hard on yourself." he rubs your hand with his thumb. You wish you could pull away from his touch, or to at least want to pull away. But you don't. His touch is comforting and not a lot of things in your life are that way right now. As you look at him there is a sudden desire to punch yourself in the face, for the only thing that comes through your mind is to thank him again. As you did countless of times before. He did say he grew tired of it.

"You know what I'm in the mood for?" you avoid the subject successfully as he rises his eyebrows, showering you in all his undivided attention. "Drinking my sorrows at a shitty bar." you finish off, painting a big smile on your face. He mirrors it as he sighs through his teeth, letting go of your hand. He notices your intention to avoid talking about anything serious. Anything that might actually help you. You always do it, that is exactly why you talk to him only about nonsense and why, when you call him in the middle of the night (and when he always, always answers) you make him tell you a story. Leaving him to be the only one to talk as you doze off. Never leaving room for him to ask you what is wrong or what you dreamed of. Is how you got on until then, and maybe that is why it went so slowly, the whole "moving on" thing everyone was telling you about. But it was the thing that worked best for you, you figured. Not talking about the elephant in the room got you this far, you can go a little more like that.

"Well, I happen to know the perfect place for that," rising from his seat, he extends his hand towards you. "Shall we?"

You didn't know if it was the alcohol or the bar lights or simply just him. Honestly, you couldn't tell the difference between many things anymore, but as you looked at San talking, you felt more attracted to him than ever. The mole near his eyelid seemed more prominent now, and so did his muscular arms under the fitted shirt he wore, and oh, the freckles painting constellations on his neck. His eyes were sparkling brightly and his teeth were showing from time to time. You looked closely as he licked his lips after taking a sip of his beer. The way he was doing it seemed almost erotic. That one part of your brain that would feel bad for having these thoughts has died when you drank your fourth shot, but you were glad it did. You felt more comfortable now, and with San here, there was not a lot more that you would wish for. Not realistic wishes anyway.

"I need to know which side you stand on," he says angling his body towards yours. "Socks on or off during sleep?" San asks with a serious face, as if he asked if you enjoyed kicking puppies in the face or eating toddlers for dinner. You burst out laughing at the mix of the question and his expression.

"Off, I'm not a psychopath." you answer through your stilled laugh. He frowns.

"Oh no, you're definitely a psycho. Do your feet not get cold?" a bit of frustration could be heard in his voice.

"How would I know? I'm asleep the whole time." you sip from your drink. "Don't tell me you like pineapple on pizza as well..." you plead looking at him.

"And what if I do? It's a good combination! It's like mint chocolate, de-li-cious." San smiles proudly at his outrageous statements. Maybe he is not the person you thought he was. God, he told you so much and yet you still knew so little. That was one of the most intriguing things about him. That you felt like a lifetime wouldn't ever be enough for you to get to know him completely. Like everyday he would pick another thing to like, or something utterly new to do so he doesn't get bored. He always told you how he gets bored of things and people so fast. And yet there he was, still by your side. Maybe you were the mystery he didn't get to solve yet.

"Dude, not toothpaste too.." you cry out as you push his arm, but instead of pushing him, you push yourself. You almost lose your balance off the bar stool, but San's quick reflexes kick in and grab you by the arm, pulling you back in sitting position. He cackles as you try to maintain your balance.

"Maybe we should get you home." he says laying some bills on the bar. You hum in approval and get to your feet as you follow him out of the bar, which was indeed shitty. San is a man of his word.

The walk home was short and calm as you focused more on seeming sober than to what was happening around you. It already got dark as you two strolled past the abandoned streets laughing about things you unwillingly forgot as soon as you finished laughing. This moment, you thought to yourself, is the one that you would remember when a certain song plays. One that will give you the same sensations you feel in this moment. And far away from right now, when you know you will be better, when you listen to that certain song, you'll think wow, so much has changed. That moment could happen 10 days from now, or ten years. You don't know yet. But something about this uncertainty makes you relax somehow, knowing that you still have hope. And most of it is thanks to San. He may not be aware of all the things that he is helping you with, but you are. It's like a mental list that you never stop writing on. Could you ever repay him for any of it?

"Here we are," he says as he places his hand on your shoulder and you take a hold of his arm as he rattles on about not drinking anymore and going to sleep and whatever else he decided to nag you about. Your focus is only on his lips, and then his eyes, and his lips again, and his hand on your arm, and then feeling his arm flexing underneath your touch, and the feeling of being taken care of by someone. You realize you don't want this night to end quite yet.

"Do you wanna come in?" you interrupt, and observe his quick reaction of rapidly shutting his mouth and widening his eyes.

"I could use a live storytelling session right now." you add.

What where you asking for exactly? As you looked at him hesitate for a bit, you weren't sure that you knew either. But after a few seconds of looking around, he hums in approval as he nods and follows you inside your home. It's not as clean as you would wish but not as messy as to apologize for anything. You both take off your shoes and walk into the open space living room. Feeling San's presence close behind you, you turn and signal for him to sit down on the couch as you go to a little counter.

"I have vodka, whiskey and some cherry liquor," you turn your head back towards him. He was sitting on your couch now. But not how someone who entered their friend's apartment for the first time would be expected to sit, no. Because he didn't have that posture of "oh, I don't want to make myself comfortable because my presence here is out of place". No. He looked like he fucking owned the place. Like he payed the bills. Like he chose every single piece of decoration there was inside your home. And you weren't mad about it, if you were being honest. The everlasting confidence that was emanating out his every pore always looked good on him. His legs were spread apart, and you didn't forbid yourself to spend more than a few seconds scanning his thighs, thinking of numerous ways you could make use of them. Prominent Adam's apple marked his throat as his head was thrown back over the backrest. It seemed that he moved in slow motion, lazily pulling his head up and in your direction.

"Glass of whiskey would be nice." he answered through a half pout as his hands splayed even more on the higher edge of the couch. Obeying his orders, you unconsciously let his choice be the one you make as well, so you pour the liquid in two glasses. The strong scent hits you immediately, and you know you won't be able to drink it, the alcohol in your system will reject this on the spot if you dared adventure too far. But you decided back when you invited your friend into your house, tonight was the night you were going to test your limits.

You sit yourself on the couch, next to the man you hide your desire for not so well, closer than you usually would. And he seems to observe regarding the fact that he appears to be leaning a bit into you. Maybe it's in your head. He sips from the glass you hand him, licking his lips again, the gesture he did at the bar seems to be hitting you in a certain, already wet, spot in between your legs as it did a little time ago. He hums right after swallowing the drink, you follow with interest the way his Adam's apple moves up and down. Why is he being so unworldly attractive tonight? Is it really the alcohol or has the sexual tension finally built up enough for you to not be able to take it anymore. You feel an unexpected, but not unwelcomed, ache in your heart and stomach and definitely in your pussy. He places the glass down, with careful fingers, on the table before you and resumes his previous stance, except now one of his hands chooses to rest on the thigh closer to you. You admire it from respectable distance, one which you weren't sure you'd be able to maintain for too long. His hands were clean, nails kept short on his slender long fingers, and the rings adorning them only completed the way his veins were traveling down the back of his palm. Will there ever be a time where you could look at Choi San and not like what you see? Highly doubtful.

"That's some good shit," finally his face catches your attention, and happily so. He looks at you through his lashes, smirking with one corner of his beautiful mouth. You wondered how his lips might feel. On yours, on your neck, your chest, everywhere. "never took you for a whiskey person."

"I'm not," you say through a bittersweet smile and you realize that maybe you really, desperately need the alcohol right now, so you chug some of it down. "it's been laying around." you finish the sentence and then the glass of whiskey and you place it down the table, next to his. The contrast of the glasses, one empty and one half full, makes you amused in some kind of way. It let's you reminiscence of the many times that you heard from a certain someone, how you were always rushed in the most unfit situations. It was true.

As you look back to San, you feel like you are left with no choice than laying on your back and placing your head on his lap. So you do, maybe slower than you feel you move in your drunk-dazed mind. As you nuzzle the back of your head into his thighs, you close your eyes, for your vision was getting blurry and the room slowly spun around.

"You can begin anytime." you sigh out and feel him shifting a bit underneath you. He chuckles lowly and it takes him a few moments to adjust to the situation presented before him, it would be strange to you too. These were exactly the kind of things that you hesitated to do with San, because you partly knew his feelings for you, so you didn't want to give too much water to the well. Exactly the kind of intimacy that would leave room to hope for more, want more.

And not only from his side.

"I met this girl a while ago," he starts and softly places his hand on top of your head, massaging your scalp and slowly pulling at strands of your hair. "she's the whole package. Smart, funny, kind and so fucking hot." , safe to say you don't expect his last words to hit you like they do. A tad bit of jealousy makes its presence felt in the bottom of your heart, thinking that there might be a possibility that he doesn't refer to you. But the slow strokes his fingers offer your head make you feel too good to give it any importance.

"She's got this thing about her, I don't know how to even say it. It's like every time we talk, we knew each other since birth and like the first time we ever met, all at once. It's incredible, really." the way he talked was how you only heard people talk in movies. Hopeless romantic to the very end.

"Sounds like she's got you head over heels." you huff out slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, you'd be shocked," silence following his words, words that had a heartbroken nuance to them. He continues to massage your head and his touch feels so good, so comforting, so familiar. Like he did it every time he saw you, like he at least imagined doing it every time. "she really loves my stories." he adds after what seems to be like forever, and his hand stops, pulling itself out of your proximity. Your eyes shoot open and you find his gaze upon you. At the same time he looks sad, his eyes are also filled with anticipation, of what is to come, of how you would react to the fact that he just confirmed it was you he talked about. You sit up, trying not to let the slight dizziness in your head get the best of you and turn to him. Faces close to each other, studying him one last time before things change between you two. He wants it. And you clearly want it. Both of you so bad that it's not even a surprise how you meet halfway into a kiss. You thank the universe in your head, for it being this way. For you to not beat yourself up too much later that you initiated anything. So you let yourself sink into the feeling of him, his smell intoxicating. You know that it will be hard to not feel it in your lungs for a long time after this, and you were happy for it to be that way. Your lips are shy at first, not used to kissing anymore, not used to someone who hasn't kissed you before. But the feeling is more than pleasant. He takes his time, slowly nipping away at your bottom lip, swiftly pushing his tongue into your mouth. Your teeth clash and you both smile, licking into each other's mouths a bit more. His lips are soft and so warm, this feeling has long been forgotten by your mind. He pulls away and you gasp for air, he reaches to brush the hair out of your face and cups your face gently, looking into your eyes with a glimmer you were sure you haven't seen on him before. But you knew exactly what it meant.

"I don't want it if you don't." he says, assuring you once again that his actions will only be made for your comfort.

"I can't even tell you how bad I want it." your voice soft as it answers, and after receiving your words with wonder on his face, San downs the whiskey left in his glass, only to rush kissing you right after he gulps it down. If the first kiss was both of you navigating uncharted waters, now you were both desiring more. Hungrily devouring each other, whiskey tasted so much better on his tongue. You climbed into his lap as he pulled you closer to his chest. Serving as a reminder, you needed to get that shirt off of him. And as you helped him get rid of it, you weren't even surprised of how he looked even better than what you kept picturing all night. He returned the favor of undressing you of your shirt, and briefly cupped your breasts through your bra as he pulled you into another kiss. His hands quickly running to your waist, pulling you deeper into his lap, feeling him get hard underneath you, moment by moment. One of his palms traveled down to massage your butt cheek through your jeans, and the other quickly moved up to unhook your bra deftly with steady fingers.

"You must be popular with the ladies." you whisper close to his mouth and he chuckles.

"Not with the ones I want." he replies and you jokingly slap his bicep in response. He pulls the bra off throwing it somewhere nearby and admires your chest for a second too long before taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You throw your head back and whimper at the feeling of his tongue swirling around the sensitive part of your breasts. You tangle your fingers in his hair as you try to slowly ride his thigh, feeling the need to get rid of the tension in some kind of way. He let's your nipple out of his mouth with a lewd pop and laughs as he glues his hand to the back of your head, forcing you to look into his eyes.

"Darling if you want something you just need to ask," he brings his mouth over to your chest, planting sprinkled kisses along your collarbones. "my thigh? my fingers? my cock?" he asks in between suctions on the soft, sensitive skin of your neck. You were so sexually frustrated that you thought you were going to cry, and his words definitely didn't help. If something, they only made the tightness in your belly feel even tighter. "Which one will it be?" he asks finally as his eyes find yours again. You barely manage a pathetic whimper as he let's go of your head to unbutton your jeans. His hand slides slowly until it meets the band of your panties, but it doesn't go further, his eyes stopping on your face.

"Fuck, San, I want everything." you finally verbalize for him, your words laced with desperation for him to take things further. He closes his eyes and smiles in satisfaction when hearing your words, resuming the attack on your neck, biting down some marks here and there. His fingers finally get a hold of your clit and you shudder at the sensation. The circular motions he starts only make you moan his name quietly, through whimpers. It's been so long since you touched yourself like that, let alone somebody else. Masturbation was a thing you couldn't get back into since everything happened. Every time you tried, your mind only pictured Hongjoong, and it always ended with you crying without releasing in any kind of way. That was how you spent the last two years of your life, no wonder you were sexually frustrated. But now, the only thing on your mind was San, and how you could get him to make you cum faster. The position wasn't really a favorable one, he didn't have much access and so, his movements were limited and slow. San sinks his hand further down, teasing your hole with his middle finger, coating it in your arousal.

"You're so wet baby," he slowly pushes his finger into you, wandering into your inside, and your tightness. It did definitely feel like rain after a long drought. He pumped his finger inside you a few times, adding an extra one after a few seconds, stretching you in a way that has become unfamiliar but satisfying all the same. He fastened his pace and you unconsciously started to ride his fingers, chasing after your long awaited release. It wouldn't last too much, taking in consideration that you haven't orgasmed in so long. Your left hand was on San's nape, anchoring you to some sort of reality that he was indeed there, and the other one was on his chest. It wasn't much longer until your body conjured the estranged feeling in your tummy, you were close. San seemed to read your thoughts once again as his movements came to a halt, you offered a frustrated whimper in return. He lifted you up of his lap and placed you on your back next to him. He helped you get rid of your jeans and then your panties.

"I know you want to cum, but I want you to do it in my mouth." his face in between your thighs, breath fanning over your aching core. This time he didn't wait for a verbal response anymore, and you were glad he didn't. His warm tongue licked a long swipe starting from your hole to your clit, his mouth latched to it with sensual movements, sucking and licking at it, taking all the time in the world.

"Ho...ly fu-fuck," you gasped as you threw your head back into the cushion of the couch, arching your back under his ministrations.

His tongue was skilled, and so were his fingers when they slid inside you for the second time tonight. He curled them up, hitting your g-spot every time he pumped them in. Your body shuddered hardly at the sensation.

"Feel good?" he asked looking up at you, for the first time since he positioned you like this, you looked down at him. And what a sight for sore eyes, so lewd that if you looked at it for long enough you would cum without him needing to do anything to you anymore.

"So good," you reply and place one of your hands into his raven hair when he continues abusing your sensitive bud in the best way you could think of, he continues his movements with his tongue and his fingers, and it's only a matter of seconds until it builds up. You pull at his hair as he deepens his head in between the thighs that are now clenched around his head and it finally all becomes too much for you.

"Fuck....San....ahh," you cry out whilst shutting your eyes tightly, thing that makes you see stars in the back of your head.

You feel proud for satisfying his wish. San seems too feel so as well. You come undone on his fingers, and he pulls them out quickly to attend your releasing wetness with his inpatient tongue, you feel as if you could pass out from the soft stimulation. Such a long time since you've had an orgasm and this might have been the best way to have one.

"Fuck, you taste so good," he says as he slowly rises and takes his place above you, letting you have a taste yourself as he kisses you, swirling his wet muscle in every corner of your mouth, making sure none of it is getting left untouched by him. You sure do taste better on his tongue. Feeling his hard dick press on the inside of your thigh, in all its dizziness, your brain only wants more.

"Can we go to the bedroom?" you ask nicely, only to be met once more with San's surprised face. Like the thought that you still might want more never crossed his mind. He helps you up by the waist and lets you guide the way to the room. As you enter the it you quickly run to the bed, throwing yourself on it as you giggle like you're high, and you might as well be. High hormones had the same effect as weed for you. San only shakes his head with a smile on his face, while looking down and getting his belt off. Shit, this is really happening. Really finally happening. He slowly approaches the bed, ridding himself of his pants as he reaches the edge of it. Your friend pulls down his boxers as well, and you watch closely as his erect member is finally out of its entrapment, it springs up vividly, slapping against his torso. You're left in surprise at the sight of his girthy, definitely above average long, cock. You bite your lip involuntarily and he laughs to your reaction.

"You don't need to," you quickly blurt out as soon as you see him pulling a condom from his wallet. "I mean...I'm clean, if so are you then..." well it's safe to say you've became quite a desperate little thing during your two, deprived of sex, years. "then, we don't need to worry." you finish your sentence.

"You sure?" he asks for confirmation once again.

"Yeah, 'm sure." you respond and beckon him with your index finger. He muffles out a swear word you don't quite register as he drops the condom from his hold, quickly climbing on the bed. He crafts a better position above you, kissing you gently as he lines up his tip with your entrance. You whine in anticipation, lips still attached to his own, softer ones. He slowly pushes himself inside, taking lots of time to make sure your tightness grows comfortable around him. It hurts. Not only it is the first time with San, it felt like the first time altogether. At first, it seemed like your damn hymen grew back. Ironic, considering the amount of sex you used to have. You frowned as you whimpered softly into his mouth. He quickly broke the kiss, watching you with a slightly panicked look on his face.

"Hey, you all right?" he brushed the hair out of your face with his right hand, holding his weight on his left arm. You slowly started to get used to him, your whole body relaxing noticeably when seeing his face.

"Yeah, you can move." you stated with a voice glazed with desire. He did as asked, moving his hips in slow strokes, every time trying to deepen himself more inside you. He groaned each time his dick reached a new part of you.

"Fucking hell, how are you so fucking tight?" he lets out in a tone that almost seems annoyed with the state of your pussy.

"You...are the first...since then." you speak in between craving moans. He shudders at your words, stopping for a second, as he buries his forehead in the crook of your neck.

"Well, damn, princess. Should've let me stretch you out sooner." he whispers into your ear. And that is by far the most obscene thing that has left his lips tonight. He started moving again, this time picking a pace that had you crying out for his name. You couldn't think of much else when San was fucking you, his cock kindly brushing over a certain sweet spot every time it reached its depth. His dick and your pleasure occupied most of the place inside you and your mind, respectively. But at one point, you did try to recall how exactly you ended up right there. Somewhere along the way of finding the answer, you realized it didn't matter how, it mattered that it did. And the strokes that San was driving into you only made you thank the universe that it happened. Following after his release, he increased his speed. His voice was starting to get raspy after groaning and moaning, as did yours, both of your throats dry now.

"I...I think I'm gonna cum..." he whispered in your ear, and you immediately understood the question hiding behind his words. Your mind was in a state of debate for a few too many seconds. In or out? The only person that ever came in was him. In or out? But you wanted San to cum inside you so badly. In or out? That wouldn't be fair. In or out? But why wouldn't it be?

"Inside." you determinately say. His movements begin to grow messy, losing rhythm. He immerses into you deep, almost knocking you out with the way his cock is so richly stuffed inside you, and he let's out an angelic cry as he fills you up with white ropes of his hot seed. With his forehead glued to your shoulder, San pauses to catch his breath for a few seconds, before pulling his body up to get better vision of you. He cups your cheek and kisses you softly once again, pulling himself apart from you quicker than expected.

"You're so beautiful," he brushes his thumb over your lips. "I could look at you for all eternity." your heart thumps heavily when hearing his words. It made no sense for you how someone who looked like him, could tell you that you're beautiful. It seemed so far away from your reality, but still, you were thankful. At a loss for words, and only giving a shy smile in return, San mirrors it as he ascends and then throws himself in the empty space next to you. The only thing that is heard the next few minutes is both of your breaths as your chests heave. You nuzzle up into San's side, he embraces you with his arm as you grab him by the waist, laying your head on his chest. He kisses you on the crown of your head as he starts humming a melody that you don't think you've heard yet. Nonetheless, sleep gets a hold of your tired body and mind quickly, and you don't know if it's the alcohol that creates an illusion, or if it's just San's presence, but throughout your dreams you feel as if you are guarded by an angel.

Easily the best sleep you've had in a while. You are reminded of how easy it is to fall asleep on someone else's shoulder, just as you wake up.

*****

Before you met him you always thought you were better at spending time alone than you were at spending time with others. Now your thoughts had changed about the matter. It was like you were made only for being in Hongjoong's company, and when you were, you felt at peace. Like nothing could affect you ever again. The moments after sex were the ones you loved most, it almost felt like after your bodies were joint, your souls were getting combined as well, while laying on one another. He had his warm hand draped against your waist, playfully tracing circles on your soft skin, humming whatever song came to his mind. Your hand was on his bare chest and your head in the crook of his armpit. If you would be stuck in a time loop made only of this moment, you would never get sick of it.

The heat his body was emanating seemed to strangely warm you up from inside out, and the smell that was around the two of you was making your mind dizzy and your lungs crave for more. Feeling his chest rise as he inhaled and exhaled made you realize that your breaths were in sync, and hearing his heartbeat, you were sure they were too, in sync with yours. For you, loving Hongjoong was such a natural thing to do, like you two were extensions of each other and worked at full capacity only when together. His fingers slowly took a hold of your hand which he brought to his lips, he kissed it and then squeezed it tightly. You looked up into his eyes. His beautiful eyes sprinkled with love and adoration as he watched you.

"I think that every day I spend with you, I find a new meaning to love." he brushes your cheek gently and you stay silent, your mind in a stage of awe at how greatly he sums up the things you feel, without even talking to each other. You smile as you kiss him again and again and again.

"Then let's find a new meaning to love together for the rest of our lives," still standing close to his face, you see him smile and you do as well. You knew that even in the darkest of days, his smile would always lighten up your whole world. He pecks your lips again and suddenly tries to get up from the bed, the coldness you feel not only in your body, but your heart as well, wraps around your mind and you quickly grab his hand. He stops and kneels on the bed, looking at your uncovered body still on display for the flame that takes ahold in his enchanting eyes.

"We'll be late..." he says as he gets closer to you. That wouldn't be a problem, you think. The author should be allowed to be late to their own book release, right?

"Ten more minutes," you plead as you pull him towards you. He smirks and let's you take control of both his mind and body, as he lays on top of you, filling you up with the heat emanating from his body once again. After all, ten minutes wasn't that much, right?

*****

There it was. The selfishness that has made you lose him. The selfishness that brought you here with San. Everything was your fault. You lost so much of yourself the day you lost Hongjoong, but you were sure your last bit of humanity was completely lost the day you let Choi San believe that you could love him the same way he did. How could you be so reckless? You couldn't even blame the alcohol anymore, only your fucking stupidity. You used the only friend left that you cared about, as a rebound. And he doesn't even know. You looked up at the man who was holding you tight against his chest, as if not to lose you. He was still asleep. His natural unflawed beauty made your heart exclaim in agony as you traced his features with your gaze. As thoughts were overwhelming your mind, you placed your head in its initial position. Your eyes were starting to sting when tears started to form up.

You were the worst there was, weren't you? You killed your boyfriend and you deceived your friend into being your distraction, from all the pain and guilt, in more than one way. You didn't recognize yourself anymore, not after so much time of ignoring all your thoughts and suppressing all your feelings thinking it would get better. It didn't get better, the opposite actually, seeing where you stand right now. It was all because of you, and your selfishness, and it could've all be avoided if you didn't wish for fucking ten more minutes.

You started quivering and sobbing.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" San confusedly asks. This should be a sight to see as soon as you open your eyes. The girl you were balls deep in the night before, crying in front of you the morning after. Comforting you came natural to him, like he has been doing it for all his life. And you realized he did do it, not for all his life, sure, but since it happened. He has done his best to comfort you in every way he could. And he always succeeded. And this is how you repaid him. How could you be such a fucking asshole?

"San you need to...you have to leave...I'm sorry." you say through sniffles as it gets harder and harder for you to control the tears pouring down your face. You cannot look him in the eyes but you do get a peek at his grave look, how he looks down, unsure of what to do.

"Did I do something?" he quietly asks with a certain thread of fear in his voice, as if he was terrified of what his question might cause. You wish you could tell him that at the same time he didn't do anything, he also did too much. His kindness and love were too overwhelming for you in the state you were in.t. No matter how much he tried, his love couldn't repair you. You were the only one who could do that, but for what felt like the longest time, you didn't want to do it. Maybe it was time to try now.

"God, no..." you barely manage to blurt out. Speaking seems like the most tiring thing to do right now. "I just have to be alone right now." trying to stop your tears briefly, you look him in the eyes as he retracts his hands off of you. And you can't help but feeling it again, even if you know that it's not the case. Abandoned. Once again, and like the first time, it was all because of you. He got up from the bed, quickly dressing himself in the heavy silence that was surrounding both of you. You slowly hugged your knees to your chest, slightly burying your head in the space that you created. Maybe it wasn't for the best to be left alone but you were afraid of what might happen if you weren't. You saw San walk to your front door, put on his shoes and look at you for a last time. You looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Y/N, I..." love you. He didn't need to enunciate it, you could already see it on his face, how much it hurt him to leave you in this mess, all alone. Whatever you felt for him was so hard to decipher in the amalgam of things that were dwelling inside of you. And it was even harder to accept that you did have certain feelings for him, stronger that you would've liked. He sighed and slowly shook his head, looking down. You saw him leave and then you didn't see much anymore. As bitter tears that flooded your eyes slowly slid into your mouth. Painful screams were tumbling out of your chest giving you no chance to control them. As you get up off the bed you start grabbing whatever comes first and throwing it around. Cradled papers, books off of shelves, tiny decorations on your desk. You reach a framed photo of you and Hongjoong and stop for a second to look at it. Back at the beginning of your relationship when you went to a museum. It started snowing so much that his black coat turned white. You still remembered the cold weather of that period but the warmth of his smile was burning still, even through the damn picture. A few of your tears stained the glass of the photo and after you whimpered in the discomfort you felt around your heart, like someone was squeezing it in their fist, you threw it on the wall across from you. Did you really have to destroy everything nice in your life? As soon as it shattered to pieces you rushed towards it, as if you were not expecting the completely obvious to happen.

"No, no, no..." you whisper to yourself in disbelief. You slowly pick the broken glass in your shaking hands as your crying only gets louder, rivers of tears flowing down your face when your eyes can't seem to look anywhere else but at the old photo.

"I miss you so fucking much..." you whimper in pain, like a dog being beaten.

It's pure torture, you realize, what you're doing to yourself. It takes a lot for your now bloody palms to make contact with your face and wipe your tears, only leaving more of a mess behind. The flesh, now torn from picking up the thin pieces of broken glass, stings when your salty tears slide over the bloody trails and as you rise up with wobbly legs to throw it in the trash, you find yourself looking out the same window you stood with your lover on his last day beside you. Your tears suddenly came to a halt as you looked at the city lights near and far away; your breathing steadied and you remembered.

I want a balcony.

How were you supposed to move on, when you haven't even moved out?

You never felt so nervous for anything in your life before. The microphone was waiting for you on the warmly illuminated stage. You took shy steps towards it as the people started to applaud loudly, you were sure you heard someone whistle from the crowd. As you got in front of the microphone stand you placed one hand on it, dragging it closer. You were not sure how to do this. It should've been your second time, but due to the incidents back then, it was the first time in your life you had to speak at your own book release. Or even attend it. You inhaled deeply and looked through the crowd once more. Your eyes met Seonghwa's as he slightly raised the glass of champagne towards you. The pity he laid upon you with the help of his gaze a while back had turned into pride. You couldn't help but remember the surprise on his face when you went not to his office, but his house, at two in the morning, when you finally finished writing.

You spent the night together, he began reading and you fell in and out of sleep on his couch. When you woke up, he made breakfast for you and he told you how great it was, with the little eternal side notes from his side. He was proud.

"I have no idea what I should say," you offer a strong beginning, everyone starting to chuckle at your awkward comment. "I've been through hell and back writing this book. Two years and a half ago I lost the love of my life in a car accident, and for a long time I thought I lost everything." the room became suddenly tense as you spoke the words.

"But this should be a reminder that some doors aren't closed. We just think that they are." you finish off raising your glass and looking at a familiar pair of eyes. Everyone cheers as you get off the stage, and after receiving compliments from your boss, your team and other people as well, you follow the suited silhouette that you've been secretly chasing with your stare all night, outside.

"Hey," you greet as you find San on a bench right next to the venue. His eyes meet yours and for a brief second it's like all the nerves you had on stage came back, but they were doubled this time. It was hard going through everything without San. He tried to contact you, of course, but you weren't giving him much and the only times you saw him were when you ran into each other at work. When you looked at yourself in the mirror you couldn't recognize yourself anymore, but he? He was just the same. Dressed for the occasion, his black hair swiped back neatly and his face...as gorgeous as ever, and the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

"Hey," he greets back as he drags his body on one side of the bench, signaling for you to join him. You sit beside him and look forward, feeling his eyes on your figure. "how have you been?" he asks, his voice glazed in worry. You made him suffer for the last time, you tell yourself. The whole ghosting thing and all the times you avoided him, those summed up the last time you were going to ever hurt him. For now you were working towards slowly healing the wound that has scarred you, which gave you more clarity about a lot of things.

"Better." you answer, looking in his direction. "I finally got it out!" you add smiling, a bittersweet smile that you held inside for a long time, it was for him only.

"I told you." San mimics your smile and looks into the distance.

"You did," moments of silence accompany as you think of the best way to embody your thoughts into words. "I never got to apologize." you start and his head shoots right at you. "I'm sorry. For using you to try and fuck my pain away." finally saying it aloud to him and getting it off your chest make your lungs finally not burn up when you try to inhale.

"I should apologize too," he begins and it's your turn to look at him with confusion.

"A part of me was aware that you were trying to do that and yet I wasn't able to stop myself." he adds. And it's like some part of you already knew, and already forgave him for it and that was because you knew you had way more blame than him, but you learned to come to terms with it, like you did with many things in your life. Learning to forgive yourself wasn't an easy process, but with the help of a good therapist, you slowly learned how to do it. You were at peace with a few of the things that kept you awake during the night. Slowly getting better.

"I'm sorry." he says and you're sure that more honest words had never left his mouth.

You take his hand into yours and place it on your lap. For the first time since you know him, his hands are cold. You use your other palm as a blanket and cover his hand from the cold winter breeze outside. He nurtured for you enough, it was finally time that you were ready to return the favor.

"I read the book," he says, looking at your hands holding each other.

"Lots of them are inspired from your stories," you refer to the poems, thinking of how many more were written with your mind only thinking about him that didn't even make the cut into the book. "and lots of them are inspired from you." You look into his eyes as he squeezes your hand gently. Maybe you didn't yet know what you wanted. But you knew what you didn't want. And you didn't want to lose San. Not again. Not ever.

"Can I take you out on Thursday?" he asks as his gaze stills down on your warm face. If he asked you this on a bad day, you still weren't sure what your answer would be, but today was a good day. You never got to say goodbye to Hongjoong, but that didn't mean you couldn't say hello to anyone ever again. "You know, in case you need more inspiration for your next masterpiece." he adds and you laugh shortly while nodding quickly. You spend a few more minutes in silence, enduring the cold air, silently revealing to each other the most vulnerable parts of you. You look down at your joined hands and then into his eyes. You smile, partly because you do feel happy, and the rest because you know he'll do the same, and hell, you fucking missed that dimpled smile of his.

The man doesn't say anything when you lean your head on his shoulder, but you are almost sure you can hear his heart beating faster. "I missed you so much." you finally say, letting your feelings pour out in front of San for the first time, leaving you vulnerable in a way no one has seen you since then.

And for the first time, while looking at the bright clear sky above you, you think for yourself that...He would be so proud.

[gendercomsumer]

if you can can you write s comfort headcannon with fem or nb reader who hates themselves to the point they refuse to look at themselves in the mirror?? (Thinking about vil and/or malleus tbh but any characters are fine) feel free to refuse!

Vil and Malleus with an S/O who can't look at themselves in a mirror because of how they hate themselves

a/n: Thank you for sending in the request! I do love some good comfort with a side of angst so this was nice for me to write! If you're similar to the S/O in this story I do hope this could provide some form of comfort to you!

Warnings: Self deprecating speak(from S/O's end),

Gn!Reader

Characters: Vil Schoenheit (710 words), Malleus Draconia (

Vil Schoenheit

Ever since the two of you started dating, Vil has made sure he compliments you at least once a day. 

Doesn’t matter the time he will once a day without fail give you at least one compliment.

From telling you your hair looks nice to you did good on a test.

It’s rare he repeats the same compliment once so you’re surprised with something new everyday.

In the Pomefiore dorm, not only are there mirrors in almost every room.

The floors and walls are polished so well that you could see yourself in it

And you hated it.

It was hard to find a room where you didn't have to feel your own reflection in the room with you.

 Vil wouldn’t pick up on it immediately, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t pick up on it soon

After the first or second time though he’d notice how you would avoid the rooms with mirrors

Even the ones without you wouldn’t look at the shining tile floor.

When you would be in his room you wouldn’t even towards his vanity, and none of this sat right with him

Once or twice when he would re-enter a washroom you were just in he would see a towel draped over the mirror

After that he knew he couldn’t let this just dwindle forever, he’d have to bring it up to you.

What was going on in his darling sweet potatoes head to make them cover every reflective surface they see?

So Vil one day while he was helping you on a skin care routine, and you had insisted on keeping your back to the vanity across the room

Vil saw this as a good time as any to bring it up. He furrowed his brows with a small frown and looked at you,

“Sweet Potato.. Is there a reason you are so adamant on never looking in a mirror..?”

 You could feel your breath hitch as his question left his lips. 

you did tell him about your true thoughts the fact you couldn’t look at yourself because of the hate you felt towards yourself

About how you couldn’t bear the thought even.

Vil would listen and let you spill your heart out even if you cry.

He’d gladly hold you or touch you as you cried if you needed the comfort but won’t force you if not. 

He knows this is a vulnerable moment for you and he doesn’t want to make it worse

Once you have spilled your feelings to him he’d look almost saddened by your confession. 

“Oh darling… You’re beautiful… in every faction…” 

He partly feels as if he hadn’t been telling you how he sees you as the most beautiful person in all of the Twisted Wonderland

He’d let you cry but he silently promises to himself that he would make sure you’d be able to look yourself in a mirror, and he’d help in anyway he could

How could his dear sweet potato see themselves as anything less than perfect?

After the confession from your end on how you felt about yourself Vil made sure that you knew he meant every words of his affirmations and complements 

Vil would also work with you on looking in the mirror

He wouldn't push you to far as he understands that this whole process will take time

 Every time you would enter his room if it was a bad day as much as he’d like to leave it uncovered, he would cover his vanity 

He wouldn’t want to worsen your mood that's the last thing he’d want to do

If you’re able to look into the mirror at least once and be able to smile at yourself, even if it’s teary eyed and for only a moment

He will be so proud of you and he will make sure you know.

 Wrapping his arms loosely around your neck and resting his forehead on your shoulder as he stood behind you, and you sat in the vanity chair.

That one look you were able to do and not have a look of disgust or disappointment was more than enough for him

“You’ve done so well sweet potato… I love you so much… so please love yourself as much as I do…” 

Malleus Draconia

Luckily (or more like sadly given the situation) Malleus dorm doesn't have that many mirrors.

They mostly just have very large and tall windows that can be reflective once freshly cleaned

but for the most part it was easy to avoid your reflection when it came to that dorm at least

In Ramshackle though the mirror, even if dusty, still reflects your features well

So with the extra cloth you covered every mirror in the dorm.

Malleus I believe that Malleus prefers the atmosphere of the Ramshackle dorm

Not to mention his beloved child of man was there so what was not to love about the place you called home?

He never really noticed the lack of mirrors until one day he saw you hiding one that had been uncovered

Then he started to become curious

It had gotten so bad that the mirror in your room that according to Grim "They have really weird dreams about" was moved out of the room and into a spare.

Malleus tried to talk to you about it "Child of man? Why is it your dorm has such a lack of mirrors?"

You'd brush it off saying that a majority of the mirrors were far beyond broken

But if you thought he wouldn't see the way you became anxious at the question and answered as if you had rehearsed it

you'd be gravely mistaken

He'd then be acutely aware of how you acted around mirrors, how you'd do everything in your power not to face them

Every time he'd look back on the times he'd frown. Why couldn't his child of man face themselves?

He even did a bit of an investigation and found all mirrors intact and fine

so he brought it up to you one day during one of your late night walks you took

You had stumbled across a small lake but you didn't look at it's beautiful reflective surface

"My dear..? Why do you never look at yourself?"

The question was sudden and took you back with a twinge of fear making its way through you.

You looked aside ashamed and pressed your lips in a thin line as you mumbled a response the feeling of tears pricking at your eyes

Malleus was taken aback, how... how could you see yourself in such a light..?

The silence was deafening and Malleus slowly reached out to you grazing your arm with his fingers

You pulled away looking anywhere to avoid his sympathetic gaze

"My dear, you have helped so many, done feats no other could dream of, and all the while captured my heart... how can you see yourself as any less than brilliant..?"

His voice was laced with pain, how could he let this go on for so long and not do something?

Malleus then made a personal vow to himself, 'even if it takes an eternity, he will have you see yourself the same way he sees you'

He would stay by your side, if you show even the slightest bit of insecurity

"My dear have I told you how wonderful you look today?"

"You are doing so well, you should take a break!"

Similar like Vil his sayings and compliments he'd barely repeats and if he does another on is coming up right after to assure you there's plenty more he loves about you

He's now acutely aware of every little thing you say about yourself and if something is even slightly self deprecating, even if it's a joke..

"Don't say that, it was one test child of man, there are plenty more to come. All things considered you didn't do as bad as you may think, some people (he's talking about Ace and Deuce/hj) barely got anything right."

He's now your personal coach helping you in some subjects, slowly building your confidence

The one day on your walk you come across the same lake and you looked at the lake, at your own reflection.

Granted you were only pointing out some flowers floating on the water, but when you looked over at Malleus it was as if you had done a heroic act

even if you didn't bring attention to yourself, or it still hurt to do, in his eyes it was progress.

The last time you were here you couldn't look at the lake in fear of seeing yourself staring back at you

This was progress, progress the two of you had worked so hard to come to

He smiled and pulled you gently and mumbled a small string of words

"I'm so proud of you my dear..."

[sugarcoated-lame]

kricket please your tag with joel…… i am thinking………………. so hard.

this contains smut, 18+ minors dni!

@sebsxphia 💗💗 EEEEEEEEEEEEEE SEB !!! I, TOO, AM THINKING SO SO HARD ABOUT THIS !!

I’m thinking about pre-outbreak Joel and the babysitter, maybe it’s been a long, stressful day at work for Joel and he just needs to let off some steam when he gets home late at night.

You can tell it’s been a day from the tension in his broad shoulders, tight beneath his fitted black t-shirt. From the tired look in his warm chocolate eyes, to the line between his furrowed brows that’s only made more prominent by the perpetual scowl that rests on his features.

You know it the second Joel walks in the door—from the way he barely grumbles out a few words aside from “Sarah asleep?” before he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the crook of your neck when you answer affirmatively, the wiry strands of his beard tickling your skin as he murmurs about how much he needs you— that you’re in for it tonight and you couldn’t be more excited.

So you find yourself flat on your stomach on Joel’s bed as he pounds into you from behind, setting a brutal pace and putting all of his weight into every harsh thrust. His body warm, chest plastered to your back as he fucks his frustrations into you, his staggered grunts of “good girl” and ��take it” breathed directly into your ear as you try to keep yourself quiet. Nothing but little ah-ah-ah’s falling from your lips and into the soft fabric of Joel’s pillows as he fills you to the hilt every time, practically splitting you in two with every hard punch of his hips, tears in your eyes as you fall apart embarrassingly quickly on his cock 🫠

But also… Jackson era Joel ??? After he finds out—from someone else in town— that you almost got yourself hurt while out on patrol and didn’t tell him… oof he’d absolutely rail the fuck out of you. Lying you flat on your stomach so he can be as close to you as possible with his strong body covering yours. Setting a slow but rough pace, punctuating each hard thrust of his hips with sweet nothings whispered into your ear, telling you how much he loves you and how he can’t lose you. Relishing in all the little sounds you make, the way you’re unable to form any words, practically babbling underneath him with each deliciously slow drag of his cock through your fluttering walls every time he pulls out almost all the way before harshly slamming back in.

Oooooof I need to go lie down 😵‍💫

This is all I am going to think about for like the next several days 🫠🫠 thank you so much for sending this, my love!! I hope you enjoy and I hope you have a wonderful day, Seb!! Mwah mwah mwah ilysm!! 😘🥰💗❤️🧡💗

[cyxnidx]

Hello! I hope you are doing well. I love your writing <3 If possible can I please request part 2 of “Don’t be shy w Tighnari, Cyno, Scaramouche, and Heizou? And or whoever else you’d like.

Also, can I be🧍anon if you have anons.

DONT BE SHY ! V. 2

Part 1 here

SURRREE omg idk why but this made me genuinely excited. You will now be known as 🧍 anon<3 im glad that you enjoy my work as well :)

characters: tighnari, cyno, scaramouche, and heizou

summary: things they would say to you in the bedroom~

warnings: reader is referred to as ‘mamas’ (cyno), reader is referred to as ‘darling’(tighnari) and that might be it. lmk if i missed anything

a/n: i was literally writing this when i noticed i had 300 followers..what a milestone🥰

TIGHNARI -- “i know, darling. just a little longer.”

tighnari was great with words of affirmation, both romantically and sexually, and he understood very well you needed to take it slow while he entered you. no matter how many times he ruined your hole, he had to put off some eagerness to help you adjust. he smiled so softly, watching as you welcomed his dick with a warm embrace. though, he couldn’t help but notice how you occasionally squirmed and let out a sigh. he felt so bad, but this was probably the best he was going to be able to do for you. “i know, darling.” he said, cupping your cheek as he placed his forehead atop of yours. “just a little longer, k?”

CYNO -- “youre doing so well mamas. i got you.”

you and cyno both had a bunch of favorite positions, one of his being cowgirl. he loved to see you bouncing on top of him, riding him so well. each and every time, he’d be supporting you through your high, watching as a white substance coated his dick. and this was one of those times, you felt so eager to chase after your high, but was ultimately tired. cyno being the supportive lover he was, helped you gain it. “youre doing so well mamas.” he said sweetly, hands gripping your hips as you finally reached the peak of your high, coming down to rest your head on his chest. “i got you.” he sighed, dick twitching in you from the sudden movement, seed filling you in the prettiest of ways.

SCARAMOUCHE -- “there it is. let me see how good i make you feel.”

when youre embarrassed, scaramouche couldn’t help but notice you’d cover your face or try to hide it. even when he told you about the little habit, you curled up in a corner, face buried into your knees. he found it a little cute though, so it wasn’t like he was mad about it. not that he’d tell you. and when you did it in bed? he most definitely loved it. he could never take the habit for granted. he’d purposely place a pillow or blanket near you, so when you’d try to hide he could have the honor of taking it from you. it fulfilled him beautifully. “don’t hide now..” he sighed, watching as you turned your head to the side and buried it in a blanket to hide your face. gently, he pulled it from you, watching tears perk up at the corner of your eyes. “there it is,” he said with a satisfied hum. “let me see how good i make you feel.”

HEIZOU — “mhm, just like that. use me all you want..”

heizou loved being able to be of help to you. he loved the fact he could be of use to his most favorite person. that being said, it made him so happy knowing you’d be willing to use him as much as you could. he didn’t care about overstimulation, or passing out. he was sure he’d have enough energy for whatever you had in mind, and didn’t mind overstimulation one bit. he loved seeing you make use of his dick, grinding and humping just for your own pleasure. every time he’d offer to help, you’d tell you got it yourself. you could handle it, but could he? the question always made him so tempted to thrust into you as hard as he could, having the possibility of sending you to your high. but he doesn’t. he wants to see you struggle. “you got it, baby,” his eyes livened up noticing he was near his limit, and you mightve been as well. “mhm, just like that baby. use me all you want..” he sighed, emptying himself into you, and one thrust later, you came as well.

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Hii i saw you reopen your thbk request‼️

So... may i request akane, teru, and natsuhiko x gn reader. The reader is insecure about their thick thighs? It's been my insecurity for a long time😭

Feel free to decline this request if you feel not like it!

akane aoi x gn!reader , teru minamoto x gn!reader , natsuhiko hyuuga x gn!reader

a/n : hii , thank you for sending in this request !! i hope you have a lovely day/night/etc <3 warnings : none ?  word count : 764

Akane <3

He thinks you’re the most amazing, gorgeous person in the world. When he hears about your insecurity, he’s a bit surprised.

To him, everything about you is literally perfect, including any flaw you see in yourself. Akane would tell you this regularly, so long as it didn’t make you uncomfortable.

He loves complimenting you anyway, so he wouldn’t mind trying to boost your confidence in your thighs! 

He’s fond of most any love language (and gets giddy over any of them), so, with your consent, you might find him resting his hand on your thigh randomly. Doesn’t mean anything odd or suggestive by it, he just likes to use touch as a reminder of his love for you.

And words… he uses his words so often. Did I mention that? Words? Yeah. He might be a bit much at times, but he adores saying kind things to you.

“(Y/N), you’re so stunning. Have I told you that today? You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” He’d say, his hand resting comfortably on your thigh. If you say your doubts, or even have a slight expression of disbelief, he won’t hesitate to confirm it as many times as he needs to.

“I love you so much, (Y/N), everything about you is perfect.”

“Any insecurity you have is amazing. You’re so lovely.”

“Your thighs? When I say you’re lovely, I mean it. Every inch of you is lovely, (Y/N). I hope you can know it someday like I do.”

Teru <3

“Aren’t you the best sight to see? You look lovely, (Y/N),” He would tell you, meaning it genuinely. Any compliment he ever gave you was from the bottom of his heart that was overflowing with affection towards you.

When you ask if he means it-- explaining that the way they fit was a reminder of your insecurity-- Teru would also be a bit surprised. However, he did understand insecurities, and faced many of his own.

He’d take his time to reassure you, holding your face in his hands and telling you how gorgeous he found every aspect of you. Inside and out, you were stunning.

He strikes me as a huge quality time guy (after all, he has a busy schedule-- catching him taking time specially to hang out with you is huge), and so he might base his reassurance off of your favorite love language (or a combination! Honestly, it’s most likely a combination). 

While he might not exactly be sure how to incorporate “quality time” or “acts of service” into helping your insecurities, he makes sure to do what he can with words and touch, as long as you’re comfortable.

Reassures you constantly, tells you how beautiful you are, and might even express some of his insecurities to make you feel better about yours. After all, do you find his insecurities unattractive, or do they make you feel less about him? The answer is probably no! And so, he says that it’s the same for him-- he doesn’t find anything about you unattractive.

As for touch, he also has a habit of resting his hands on your thighs. Honestly, the first time he did it, he wasn’t fully thinking, and was immediately fond of it! Intimate enough that a stranger wouldn’t do it, but nothing too “scandalous” or so on. If you let him rest his head on your lap, he’ll think he’s in heaven.

Natsuhiko <3

Natsuhiko LOVES physical touch. He obviously likes words of affirmation as well, but having the honor of being your boyfriend entails the honor of hugs, kisses, and other various touches.

Before the topic of your insecurity even arised, Natsuhiko adored your thighs. You’d often find him resting his hands on your thighs, or resting his head in your lap.

One day, as he’s relaxing with his head on your lap, the topic of your insecurity comes up. Natushiko, being the drama queen that he is, reacts exaggeratedly. Sits up, gasps, hand over his mouth. He looks almost like you insulted him.

“How could you think that! You’re so gorgeous, (Y/N), your thighs are so gorgeous!!”

Only ups his affections after that. Nearly every time you sit together, he’ll discreetly rest his hands on your thighs.

In private moments, he might squeeze them lightly, or even press kisses to them, should you allow him.

Also will be your BIGGEST hype-man. If you wear anything short or tight against your thighs, he’ll grab at his chest dramatically, hearts practically floating out of his eyes. Compliments you so much, hyping you up with kind words and kisses.