#and now I’ve written 75k+ words for it in two months or so

[eponymousfics]

It’s interesting to me that I often have a lot of kind of angsty fic ideas and sometimes even get a little ways into writing them, but those are never the ones I finish/get hooked on.

My Fare Lady is probably the darkest one I’ve got that’s gotten as far as it has, and I definitely think that the angst elements are both why I wanted to write it and also what prevents me from working on it unless I’m really in the right mood for it.

Not that I can ever bring myself to write straight angst, it’s always hurt/comfort with slightly heavier hurt depending on the fic

Anyway this post is me trying to dissuade myself from writing a more somber Harvey/oc fic with a Gotoran oc so we can talk about the war and also so I can unpack what I call my ancestral trauma dream about the bombing of Hiroshima WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, PRETTY DARK FOR A SDV FIC

[succubusphan]

Two Man Team - Chapter 6

Summary: This is the story of two struggling friends who after many trials and tribulations find their way back to each other and build the life they've always dreamed of.

Or how Phil changed his life by talking to random strangers on the internet.

Rating: E

Tags/warnings: Friends to lovers, Friends with benefits, mental health issues (mainly anxiety), Slow burn, Dan is a psych student. Canon divergence (the timeline is altered and some things never happened), Slutty Phil, Angst with a happy ending. The fic spans many years.

Author's Note: Written for the OSPBB 2023 @oldschoolpbb. Thank you @effingmeteors for being my life saviour and beta as usual and to my artist Lin @anironsidh.

Edits and the art will be added at some point, we are busy bees.

POSTING EVERY DAY UNTIL IT'S COMPLETED.

Total Word Count: 75k ish

Read on Ao3

CHAPTER 6: The Winner Takes It All

2012

They didn’t speak or text until mid-January, when Dan just showed up at Phil’s flat one day, dark circles so deep that reminded him of Jack Skellington. He looked sick. 

Phil stood there in silence, not knowing what to do until Dan pulled him into a hug and started crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Dan.

“Everything,” Dan muttered, his voice cracking. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Uh, sure,” Phil said, feeling weird about it. Both because he didn’t know where they stood at the moment and because Dan had never asked that before, he’d always just stayed.

They walked inside and Phil started making tea, not because he wanted one but because he needed to collect himself. “So… what’s been going on with you?” He asked, his back still turned to Dan.

“I can’t do anything right,” Dan said, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “I can’t stick to my schedule, I’m drowning in the material and I feel like everyone hates me right now.”

Phil let out a little frustrated sigh and turned to look at Dan. “I don’t hate you, Dan. I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t,” he said. “Have you discussed it with your therapist?” Phil added before Dan could say anything.

“I haven’t been in over a month,” Dan said, avoiding his eyes and picking at his jeans. “I haven’t left my room either.”

Phil pressed his lips into a line but tried to be as gentle as possible, it was evident that Dan was still trying to calm himself down. “Why would you do that? Even therapists have therapists, you said it yourself years ago.”

“He said that I’m depressed and I don’t agree. I think this is just how I am. I’ve always struggled with the simplest of tasks, I’ve always been low. It’s just who I am.” Dan looked up, his eyes red and swollen; he’d been crying far longer than he’d been at Phil’s.

“What are the symptoms of depression?” Phil asked, knowing that he couldn’t argue on this, he needed to make Dan reach the conclusion on his own. 

“Sadness, hopelessness, anger or frustration, even over small things, loss of interest in normal things like sex or hobbies, insomnia or sleeping too much, lack of energy, loss of appetite, anxiety, brain fog… Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures - or self-blame,” he said, his face slowly transforming as he went over the symptoms. 

Phil hummed. “That does sound familiar, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” Dan admitted.

“So?” Phil pressed. “Why don’t you go to therapy?”

Dan frowned. “For the same reason that you haven’t gotten help for your anxiety disorder,” he said, a bit too harshly, but continuing in a calmer tone after a deep breath. “I guess I’m not ready yet.”

“That’s fair,” Phil said, ignoring the biting comment. “We need to come up with a plan of action then. I have always managed my anxiety with different methods, you were the one who came up with most of them. I’m meditating at the moment and it’s helping a bit - with the sleeping issues at least, have you tried it?”

Dan shook his head no. “I don’t think I can meditate myself out of depression, to be honest.”

“I know that, don’t be silly,” Phil waved him off. “I’m saying that you need a depression plan and that you can meditate when you feel anxious. You said they come together sometimes, right?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I do have some anxiety but it’s not my main issue.”

“Alright. What is your biggest problem right now?”

“Sleeping and getting to class.”

Phil added the tea bags into the mugs and poured the water over them, having the sugar and milk at the ready. He walked over to the coffee table and pulled a small notebook and a pen from the storage space under it. “So, you need to wake up at 8 to make it in time to Stats, you can study at Starbucks or the library for two hours and go to Personality. If you are too tired then, you can go back and take a nap before Intervention but I think you should drop Cognition and you can try again next semester.”

“But I’m doing well at Cognition. Cognitive Neuroscience is the hard one,” Dan said with a small smile, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, right,” Phil said, slapping his forehead. “I always get them mixed.”

Dan raised his eyebrows at Phil but didn’t say a word.

“What? What’s that face?”

“You remember what classes I’m taking and when,” Dan said in wonder.

“Of course I do,” Phil scoffed. “I helped you plan your schedule.”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think you’d remember. Nobody remembers.”

“I remember,” Phil said with a small smile. He gave the notebook to Dan and went to get the mugs before the tea got too strong to drink. He added the sugar and milk, putting them back in their respective places and carried the mugs to the coffee table. “Here,” he said, handing the mug to Dan and sitting at his side.

“Thanks,” Dan said and took a sip and set the notebook on the sofa between them. “Just how I like it.”

Phil ignored the comment and grabbed the notebook, starting another page. They needed a more global approach. “So… you have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays off in the morning. Let’s set some ground rules in general. Weekdays bed before 2am and wake up no later than 10.30. Also, be productive until 5 on weekdays. Anything you didn’t do during the week, finish it during the weekend and that’s when you take a break. You can sleep in until 1 on the weekends at least. What do you think?”

“Sounds good. I have a huge pile of laundry though.”

Phil huffed a laugh. “Do laundry here during the weekend and you can finish any homework while the washer runs. But you are doing the laundry, not me. And no mixing colours, I’m still wearing pink boxers.”

Dan snorted. “Ok, Dad.” He looked out the window for a moment and turned back to Phil. “What are we doing for your birth?”

“Are you coming?” Phil asked, raising one eyebrow at Dan.

“Of course I am!” Dan said, blushing just a little.

“Alright,” Phil smiled. “Small party here I guess but I have to go back home to celebrate with my family - and Richard and the others want to hang out the week after that.”

Dan laughed. “Why is your birthday always a month long affair?” 

“Because my birth is an important date to commemorate. I’m important.”

“You are,” said Dan.

The sound of jingling keys at the door announced Mark before his melodic voice came through the hall. “Hey, love. I finally found some decent oranges for break- oh. Hi, Dan!” Mark said. 

Phil rushed to help with the shop, grabbing the bags from Mark’s hands and setting them on the kitchen counter.

“It’s so nice to see you again, what brings you over?” Mark asked Dan, casually pressing a quick kiss to Phil’s lips and pulling him closer by the hips ever so slightly.

Phil mumbled a hello and gave Mark a wide-eyed look before peering at Dan out of the corner of his eye. He looked upset, perhaps even mad at the display. “Sorry,” Phil said, not really knowing why he was apologising or the reason Mark chose that particular moment to kiss him.

Dan shrugged and shook his head, his lips moving as he attempted to form words but no sound came out.

Dan was left speechless for the first time since Phil had met him.

Mark smiled widely, ignoring the others’ reactions. “Are you staying over for dinner, darling?” he asked Dan.

“Uh, sure,” Dan said.

“No laundry today?” Mark teased.

Phil shot him a look, Mark was going for something here, but he didn’t know what exactly or why. Dan had never mentioned doing his laundry at their flat in front of Mark so this made it evident that Phil had relayed this information to him. “No, we were just catching up. Why? Did you want to help out?” He ended the sentence with a tight smile, trying to silently tell Mark to quit it already.

“A tempting offer, but I think I’ll stick to cooking, you are the laundry specialist after all.”

“Ok. You do that, Dan and I will continue our conversation in my bedroom,” Phil said, and guided Dan away from the conflict. Once in his room, he shut the door and let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No, it’s alright. I don’t want to intrude,” Dan said without even taking a seat. “I’m so sorry for showing up unannounced. Obviously you want to enjoy your night with your boyfriend - I should go.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Phil rushed to say when Dan took a step towards the door.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dan bit back, his voice rising with every word. “He hasn’t been your boyfriend since like 2009, he’s just the person you sleep with, live with, cook with and basically do everything with.”

“It’s not like that,” Phil said defensively, as he started to pace around the room. He felt like he’d been caught cheating even though he didn’t even have a boyfriend. He had a fuck buddy and a buddy he wanted to fuck but who didn’t reciprocate, none of which wanted to actually date him.

“What is it like then?” Dan snapped.

Phil froze and turned on the spot, feeling the fire coming out of his eyes. Dan had some nerve to be upset by a kiss when he hadn’t made any attempts to be exclusive with Phil or even to continue with any sort of intimacy, or even their friendship for that matter. He had become a ghost in Phil’s life and now he was upset that Phil had a smidge of attention from someone else. “You’re right, maybe you should leave. Take the plans we wrote down and work on that, and if you need to call someone at 3 am try Sam. See if they care to take your calls.”

Dan took a step back, looking as if he’d been slapped. He wasn’t used to Phil saying no to him. Phil was always there for Dan, unlike Dan who liked to come and go out of his life as he pleased. “Phil, I’m sorry.”

“Ok,” Phil said in a robotic tone.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Dan admitted.

“Neither do I,” Phil conceded. “Just go, we’ll talk soon.”

“I still want to celebrate your birthday - if you still want to,” Dan mumbled. “Just us two.”

Phil resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Text me when you’ve calmed down. And stick to the plan. Get your shit together.”

“I will. I promise,” Dan said, rushing out of the room, grabbing the lists they’d made and his backpack on the way out, barely mumbling a bye to Mark and Phil.

Phil let out a deep sigh and massaged his temples. Life was exhausting. He tried to calm down fully but he was still angry with Mark. He considered just sleeping it off, but the headache wouldn’t go away so he marched into the kitchen. “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Do what?” Mark asked and Phil resisted the urge to slap him.

“What do you think?” Phil snapped back.

Mark shrugged. “You’ve never been upset about me kissing you.”

“I need you to stop pretending that you did that innocently or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”

Mark dropped the spatula on the counter and turned around, leaning back against it. “Fine. I’m fucking tired of seeing you upset over Dan. He likes to play games with you. He strings you along and doesn’t want to commit to a relationship. It’s like he wants your attention but also Sam’s and when he doesn’t need you, he just disappears.”

“Huh, Well -” Phil sputtered. “That’s none of your business. And he’s not playing games, he’s just confused and depressed.”

“Who isn’t? We all have problems. I just wanted to see if he cared or not, and he did, but why? Is he jealous because he has feelings for you or is it some sort of ego boost for him?”

Phil paused for a moment. “He’s not a bad person, Mark,” he said. “And what ego? He barely has any self-esteem. He was bullied his entire childhood and - he had a lot more going on than you know, but I’m not going to betray his trust to justify him. You just don’t know the full story.”

“I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he’s neglecting your friendship and ruining any chances of getting with you, if that’s what he wants.” Mark reached towards Phil, pulling him into a soft hug and setting his chin on Phil’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“It’s fine. I can handle it myself,” Phil mumbled.

“I know, you are all grown up, but I’ve never seen you so… interested in someone.”

Phil silently thanked Mark for not calling it what it was. Phil had never been actually in love with anyone, not really, not until Dan. It was not supposed to be this way; he wasn’t supposed to catch feelings for his friend and he was supposed to find someone who valued him and wanted to be his boyfriend. Maybe… “Do you think it’s my fault?”

“What is?”

“Nobody has ever been in love with me. Or even had feelings. It’s like I’m unlovable. I’ve been out there for years, I’ve dated so many guys for three months at a time and all of them wouldn’t even spit on me if I was on fire.”

Mark snorted. “I would spit on you.”

Phil snorted. “Only because you’re a kinky bastard.”

“True but also because you are my friend,” Mark said. “I love you, even if it’s not the way you need to be loved and I’ll always care about your feelings. You’ve always known where I stood because I like to be upfront and honest which is something Dan is not doing.”

“Well, you’re older than me and very mature and he is four years younger and has a lot to work on.”

“Yeah, I forget that sometimes,” Mark admitted. “Tell him I apologised for making things awkward when you see him. We can celebrate your birthday when you come home.”

“Were you listening behind the door?” Phil asked, finally looking into Mark’s eyes.

“No, love. You were being loud and the walls are not that thick in this flat.”

---

Things started to pick up after that. Dan surprised him with tickets to a Muse concert and brought him a cake and a bouquet of stuffed piranha plants from the Super Mario games. He also dropped by on the weekends and stuck to the schedule they had thought of. 

The semester started to look up for him and they continued to post solo videos as well as a few collabs. In a way, filming a ‘Day In the Life’ brought them closer together than they had been in a while. They even had a sleepover the night before, shared breakfast and visited their favourite places, sparking memories of the day they met.

Phil wanted to promote a small play Dan would be doing as he slowly got back into theatre, but Dan was terrified that the crazy fans, who were starting to follow them around and just mysteriously pop into the places they frequented, would ruin everything or cause a scene. Theatre was a hobby for Dan but he took it fairly seriously and he didn’t want the other actors to resent him or think that he was making a mockery out of the play.

Even though Dan was not ready to start having regular therapy sessions yet, he still went ever so often when he felt like he needed to make adjustments in his life. It was recommended to him that he keep a journal to put his thoughts into order and also remember anything else he needed to bring up on the next appointment. That just turned into the spark that started a new fire: Dan’s newfound love for creative writing resulted in a variety of short stories that Phil was always happy to proofread and support. He was at Dan’s side every step of the way, in the same manner that he was always front and centre in the crowd of every play, even when the stories were not so interesting to him, he loved to see Dan thrive.

In June, just as summer was beginning, they went on their first free trip thanks to YouTube. The deal was that they would get a free trip to Jamaica and new digital cameras to take pictures and film vlogs as promotion. It sounded almost too good to be true, but thankfully it was a real contract. The vacation was a blast, they recorded a bunch of content, had every expense covered and hung out with a group of youtubers, most of which thought that they were a couple, but were cool about it. 

The only downside, if there was even one, was that it was a bit weird to be filmed at all times because everyone was vlogging and Dan and Phil were just a bit more popular than the rest of them so any footage they could sneak into their videos would drive traffic to their channel. The phandom was quite dedicated.

The Phandom. Dan had accidentally named their fandom after saying that their ship - which was apparently a thing already - should be called Phan. Dan was equally excited to be important enough to be shipped with Phil and a bit weirded out about it. Still, he often oscillated between casually encouraging the shipping with jokes and getting weirdly defensive about it, going as far as to tweet someone “FYI I like vagina.” To be fair, that was more in response to the allegations that he was gay. Dan had not figured out his sexuality yet, and sometimes Phil thought he didn’t want to anyway, it was easier to ignore it, but when constantly proved for an answer, he’d snapped.

Phil didn’t appreciate the speculations either but at least he didn’t make a Tumblr sideblog to argue with the fans. Phil’s approach to life was to mostly ignore people since giving them attention would only make it worse. People went a little too crazy on the internet and he didn’t want any part of it.

By the time September rolled around, things really started to come to a head. Charlie was still being a bitch, basically, constantly rounding other youtubers to bad mouth Dan, to speculate about his sexuality, and ended up threatening Dan. Unhappy about the lack of attention Dan was giving him, Charlie dropped the covert accusations and resorted to outright calling Dan out for being gay.

It broke Phil’s heart to read Dan’s replies, so he texted him to ask how he wanted Phil to reply as well, but Dan asked him to be quiet. Instead, Dan tweeted that he was honestly scared of Charlie's behaviour, hinting at him being potentially mentally unstable, making his claims about Dan’s sexuality unreliable while trying to appear calm and collected himself, but Phil knew better; this was Dan’s worst nightmare. There was not a chance that Dan was unbothered about the speculations.

After that, Dan continued to post videos regularly, go to uni and do the occasional play, but at any given chance, he would put physical and emotional distance between he and Phil. They still collabed semi frequently but even when filming Pinof 4, it was very evident that Dan didn’t want to even sit close to him. Overall it went well, or as good as they could have expected and the fans liked it, but they could tell that something was a bit off. When Phil saw all the edits, he briefly regretted leaving him calling Dan special in the video, but Dan said it was fine.

To tackle his love/hate relationship with the Phandom, Dan posted his ‘Fandoms’ video in October, making light of the situation, spinning it as a relatable story yet still including a soft call out, almost like a beg for a semblance of respect for his humanity beyond being an entertainer, but it didn’t work. Phil could see how everything was weighing down on Dan but Dan said he was fine and tried to push through. It was not every day that you could be paid to film videos in your room, get free stuff and get a following.

Not everything was bad though, being a youtuber came with real opportunities. In fact, they were hired by the BBC to film a Christmas Special, which went amazing and opened the door to negotiate for a spot on Radio 1 the following year. Dan had seemed excited to join him, even though the offer had been extended only to Phil initially, but Phil had made it clear that they were a package deal and that was the parameter set for future negotiations.

The thing is… Dan had been pushing himself for quite a while. Everything he did had become a chore, something that he no longer wanted to do, he didn’t want any of it, not even uni, or that’s what he told Phil. One day, just like Dan had come into his life and offered his friendship, he took it all away. 

He moved out of his dorm, no longer reached out to Phil or barely answered when Phil initiated, stopped posting YouTube videos without a warning, and above all, he abandoned Phil in every way possible. 

Phil understood, or he tried to understand, but he was heartbroken - and the public fallout was evident. People were constantly asking where Dan was and what had happened between them, if they had broken up (those were the phan truthers), but Phil was not going to let that stop him. With Mark supporting him every step of the way, Phil went to his first Vidcon, started doing liveshows and prepared to move to London, putting every cent that he had saved to pay rent upfront, because, obviously, being a youtuber was not great on paper to rent a fucking flat in London. Fuck, sometimes he hated Dan, but more than anything, he hated himself. He had given Dan every opportunity even though Mark had warned him about it, but he’d wanted to believe that Dan would never hurt him like that.

The truth was that Dan didn’t love him back, didn’t want to be his friend - apparently (Phil could only guess since Dan never gave him an explanation) - and didn’t want to be associated with him privately or publicly. It was as if their friendship and everything they’d built together meant nothing at all. The Sam situation and the messiness had been only the start of the rift between them and by the end of it, it was the least of their problems.

[phantomato]

Per a reddit discussion, here’s one of my biannual reminders that most fic is short fic.

(Source)

Story time:

When I got into writing fic, I felt like I needed to write long, chaptered work to be taken seriously. I was coming from the position of a reader, mind—rec lists tend to feature longer fics, so I had been reading longer fics. When I read one-shots or shorter works, it was often because I loved an author enough to browse their profile, or I had found a fest focused on a pairing I liked.

I wanted to be a serious fic author. I still had hangups about what it meant to belong in fandom. I wrote a story, I set a goal of about 5k words per chapter, I wanted to write something long and get noticed like the longfic I’d read to get here—and I fell short. I hit almost 75k words, the no-man’s land of fic lengths, destined to be sorted out of lots of searches with 100k minimums. What a fucking bummer.

So I tried again with two more fics. I hit ~50k and ~70k, even shorter. I liked the stories I had written! I was very happy with the content, the narrative arcs of these fics, the characters I had put on the page, but the length was still middling. I took breaks, wrote some one-shots and a novella-length fic, and hopped back on the horse one more time.

Made of Clay hit exactly 100k. I did it, I proved that I was physically capable of it, and I called it fucking quits.

I love Clay. It’s one of the best stories I’ve written to date. It also occupied nearly all of my fandom time for three months. Is that more artistically satisfying than having written Ganymede, Uber, Bluebird, Beautiful Sleepyhead, and Routines in roughly the same amount of time? No, decidedly not. 100k vs 100k, I can’t say I would rather have one set of words versus the other, but I can say that my set of short fics are just as important to me as the longer one (which received more engagement from readers, by virtue of its length).

Fandom is built on short fic. Specifically, fandom is built on fic of less than 5k words. Just in case someone needs to hear it, because I needed to hear it about a year ago: writing fic does not need to look like epic-length stories over 100k words long. That doesn’t need to be the goal of an author, now or ever. Stories without chapters, stories without intricate plots, stories that are part of a scene or a really snappy bit of a dialogue or a beautiful kiss or a terribly ugly sex scene or whatever are what make up the foundation of fic. They’re the stories I hunt for on my tag deep-dives, the things I seek out because nothing is as wild and imaginative and unique as what I’ve found in fics of 20k, 5k, 1k words. Read it, write it, rec it.

[kentonwrites]

Hiemal Update #2

So, I’ve been working on this draft for exactly 3 weeks (2 weeks actually since I was at the beach in between) and my current word count is 20,712. I’m like shearing through it at the speed of light. 

Don’t let that fool you though, there have been some major obstacles along the way. Several times I wasn’t happy with the draft and I would abandon it for a day, just to come back the next. It’s been a productive writing sprint, but not exactly a smooth one. 

In previous renditions of this book, there were 3 parts. I’ve gotten rid of the part system for this draft, but where I’m at now is essentially the end of part 1. Since I’m going to be extremely busy over the next few months, I wanted to finish at this natural stopping point so I can go back and leisurely edit what I’ve written instead of worrying about drafting part 2 just yet (I might get to that during NaNoWriMo!). A few issues I’ve noticed need addressed during my editing phase are:

1. Like always, it’s severely underwritten, scenes are thin, etc. I’m expecting to add at least another 5k to part 1. I know it’s probably going to end up being a shorter novel (70-75k?) but right now I feel like the chapter arcs are too rushed. 

2. There’s one chapter in particular (a flashback) that I am not happy with whatsoever, and I need to make the decision to either cut it and revise the chapters in the present, or just improve the chapter/its place in the narrative. 

3. Cleaning up misc. awkward phrasing/line edit because my first drafts read convoluted as hell.

4. I’m still a little shaky on the protagonist, Torr. I’m pantsing/discovery writing a good bit of this draft, and because of that the personalities of the characters now are sometimes unaligned with how they were in previous drafts. I don’t exactly know if this is a bad thing yet--it could just be because I see how different they are and automatically assume it is. I think Torr is more active now as well as intensely cerebral, and a more compelling protagonist. In my old version a big problem was Torr just existing and reacting to bad things that happened to her. In this version she gets to go out and experience things/make decisions. She feels much more mature, I think. I’m going to keep an eye on her.

Overall I’m content with how it’s gone thus far. I think once I’ve edited part 1 it might end up being one of the best things I’ve ever written, and since I haven’t been involved in writing for such a long time that feels great. It feels so new and different and experimental. 

Excerpts!

From chapter 14, “Smokee the Owlet”

I hadn’t planned to write this at all, it just came out randomly and I love it. It shows spiritually-conflicted Torr at her most unhinged. Content warning for self-harm/cutting.

Over the coming weeks I habitually trespassed the chapel. I returned several commentaries I’d finished, I prostrated before the altar, I replayed the scenario over and over again, modifying my actions until I was the heroine. I prayed to no avail. I prayed aloud to no avail. I held the chalice high above my head and asked God to shatter it at my whim, spritz my hair with glassdust. I paced the aisle reading Wisdom. I paced the chancel reading Van’s textbook. I pried a shard of tinted glass from an alcove and dragged its edge up my ulna and dripped the silvery blood on the podium, like it would rejuvenate the Spirit of God in this place, like the reredos would open a portal to the astral realms of Enoch. Each night I traipsed through the snow toward home, embarrassed beyond belief.

From chapter 17, “The Man in the Window”

This plot-line was never part of any old versions. I completely improvised it and it’s one of my favorite things ever. Torr is blackmailed into visiting the “town hermit,” a disfigured man who lurks in his window. This is a description of what she enters to:

I broke my grasp on the knob and ambled, knees stiff, beneath the entryway. My heart fluttered. The kitchen walls bristled with steel weaponry: maces, flails, morningstars, an enormous battleaxe. A harpoon taller than me mounted across the window. Wicked bludgeons, rusting spears, ulus, pikes, hammers and scythes. A grizzly leghold trap mawed over my head. Blades and serrated arrowheads on each square inch of wallspace. I turned to bolt, heat flushing my face, the safety net gone, plunged into animal fear. He shouted to stop.

“They’re not for you,” he said.

From chapter 18, “What I Did After Reading Matthew 5-7″

This chapter was also never in the plan. It’s formatted as a list, detailing how Torr’s behavior changes for the better (and worse) after reading the famous Sermon on the Mount. 

I shed my coat, my underclothes. Giddy at such an altitude, at such a slant. I sat in the roots and prickling thistles, laid supine, sunlight white on my chest and legs. Light snowfall down the valley; it clung to my lashes. I gazed up at the high blue cirrus, shivering, nauseous with the gravity, then at peace.

And, if that seemed strange, don’t worry--at the end of the chapter:

I asked myself who this person was, the one who thought about Christ and got naked in boreal forests.

See, she’s self-aware!

Lastly, from chapter 19, “Liminal Theologians”

I had an entirely different plan for this chapter from the start. Since the majority of part 1 is Torr off on her own, I wanted part 1 to end showing her relationship with her two friends, Van and Nik, since they’re instrumental in part 2 and especially in part 3. In this chapter they all go down to a bridge, fish, and talk about conspiracies. Unbeknownst to Torr (and me) one of them has brought alcohol. This excerpt is of Torr going on a drunken, TMI rant about her life: 

“I feel like there’s a lot nobody knows about me,” I continued. “I think about a lot of stuff all the time. I do weird things now. Well they’re not weird. They’re beautiful sometimes. I actually don’t know if I believe in God actually. Why am I the only one in the whole world asking the questions? And it’s all buzzing up here in my head and I have no one to share it with and I want to just scream do you know?”

“Torr,” Van said. “You have to stop.”

I’m going to take Van’s advice and stop this update before it gets too long. I hope you enjoyed! I’m not sure when the next update will be but stay tuned!

[monsieur-hadrien]

Quarantine Harry Potter Fanfiction *READING LIST*

I’ve spent the past months reading copious amounts of fanfiction and now my amount of AO3 bookmarks is absurd. I really need to share these because if I don’t I think I might implode. Drarry-centric but not all!

These are in no particular order nor is there a particular time frame that these were all posted. I have a little bit of everything in here just you wait.

On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads by Enigmaris 

56 Chapters, 247k Words, Complete, no slash, T Rating

Marvel, Norse Mythology, Harry Potter Crossover

TW: Past Abandonment

Harry finds out that his dad is alive, has been the whole time. Instead of being overjoyed, Harry's disgusted. His dad left earth and abandoned his friends. Every painful thing he's ever gone through can be traced back to one man. Now Harry's got super strength he can't control and an almost unnecessary amount of magical power. His dad might be living it up with the Avengers now but not for long. With the help of his friends, Harry comes up with a plan for revenge. Get ready Avengers, Harry's out to punch a god.

We’re starting off strong with a Marvel crossover fanfic wow. Who knew that crossovers could be done tastefully as 2013 Wattpad kind of ruined it for us. However, this fic changed my mind! This fic is funny as fuck and is just a goodass time. I love a good multi-chapter fic (as you’ll soon see) and this one is a showstopper.

The Man Who Lived by sebastianL

42 Chapters, 254k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: Major Character Death, Graphic Deptictions of Violence

Draco breaks a cup, and one thing leads to another. A story of redemption, tattoos, dreams, mistakes, green eyes, long conversations, and copious amounts of coffee.

With all of the Black Lives Matter protests happening right now, I think that this fic is super relevant. Draco has moved to New York City and is working as a receptionist at a tattoo shop and a mentor for inner city kids, but he accidentally gets forced to work out his differences with Harry, who at this point hates his guts. This fic is pretty serious, tackling themes of mental health, suicide, and police brutality. Every OC in this story is completely lovable and I cried my eyes out many times. When people ask me for a fic reccomendation this is the one I give people. Dare I say that this is my all-time favorite fic.

Warm Bodies by Betty_Hazel

Work in Progress, 37 Chapters as of 6/12/2020, 108k Words, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: D/s Dynamics, Graphic Porn, Dubious Relationship with Food

Draco Malfoy has spent his whole life wanting to go down on his knees for other men, and that's by far the least of the depraved things he fantasises about. He's wanted it all for so long that he's stopped believing that there might be someone out there who might be able to give it all to him; it comes as something of a surprise to find that maybe Harry Potter can, and that maybe Harry's looking for something too.

ALRIGHT MY PORN LOVERS THIS ONE IS FOR YOU! Don’t lie I know you’re horny. Somehow this fic is so fucking gorgeous and sweet yet so sinfully hot. It’s literally two boys who have never felt like their emotional needs have been satisfied learning to help and love each other like how much more wholesome does it get. I mean it’s all fine and wholesome until you get to the kinky sex which is WONDERFULLY WRITTEN MIGHT I ADD! I always say that if porn can make you feel something other than just horny, you’ve found a winner, and this story does just that.

Definitely check all the tags and I mean all the tags before you read this, but this is definitely one of my favorite porn with plot stories.

Running On Air by eleventy7

17 Chapters, 75k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, T Rating

TW: No Archive Warnings

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects. 

Might I just say that classics are considered classics for a reason. This is one of those stories that has the vibe of high school summer after senior year where all you do is try to escape reality and figure out your place in the world. While the plot is wonderful and the characters are great, I think what shines the brightest from this story is the writing style. It’s so enchanting and poetic with the best one-liners that make your heart hurt. On my AO3 bookmark i captioned it, “This just ripped my soul in half and restitched it together again,” and I still stand by that.

Lokison (Series) and How To Train Your Godling (Series) by sifsshadowheart

Main Story (Lokison): 33 Chapters, 244k Words, Completed, Harry/Various Characters, E Rating

14 Spinoffs/ Sequel Stories, Completed, Harry/Various, Various Ratings

Norse Mythology, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Various Fandoms Crossover

TW: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Underage Sex, Spiralling Mental Health

James and Lily Potter had a secret, one which led to Thanatos saving young Harry from a dreary life with the Dursleys and changed the face of the Second British Wizarding War before it ever began.

This story feels much more like a 12 season television show than a two hour movie if you know what I mean. The plot is pretty slow going but the character development and interation makes it worth it. The story blends the lore and events of the HP and PJO to make a completely new story without making it feel like a goddamn recap. The reader follows Harry from when he’s young all the way into adulthood and it’s a fun time to watch him grow as a character and bond with his parental figures. Also some of the spinoffs are really wild and I never would have thought of the pairings but they just work somehow?? My personal favorite spinoff is the Pirates of Caribbean/Calypso and Leo arc like HELLO?! hot pirates. The total word count of the two series is 465k so beware it takes a hot second to chug through this one.

This Worship of an Extinct Fire by Lomonaaeren

Oneshot, 30k Words, Draco/Harry, M Rating

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Deppression

Unspeakable Draco Malfoy has planned for nearly six months how to take down Thomas Linwood, a man who has discovered the secret of converting wizard bodies to pure magic. He was prepared for anything--except the discovery of the missing Harry Potter in Linwood's compound.

This one, I don’t know how it’s not considered a classic. I’ve seen it floating around on drarry tumblr and wow is it good. I especially like the detailed magic system and mechanics that Draco is investigating. How the author managed to have so much detailed and gracefully planned out backstory in 30k words is beyond me. Also gentle Dracoo Malfoy is my favorite Draco Malfoy :) absolute angel mode.

Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by LLAP15 and Writcraft

Oneshot, 66k Words, Draco/Harry, Past Sirius/James, E Rating

TW: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light D/s Dynamics, References to Cancer, References to HIV/AIDS

Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for.

This fic is, in every sense, a masterpiece. Especially for pride month, the story surrounding LGBTQIA+ activism, the AIDS Epidemic of the 80s, and the gentrification of historically queer communities is one that should be read by everyone. Every single place, OC, and historic event has real world ties and is historically accurate, making this fic even more enchanting. Everything about this fic is graceful and slow burning I can’t help but fall in love with it. I’ve only seen this fic once on HP tumblr, but I feel like it should be considered a classic as it is truly a moving piece. This fic is one of the biggest reasons why I became so enthralled with LGBT history and am writing a fic that takes place in a wizarding version of the AIDS epidemic.

Sensitive Touch by Raserwolf

45 Chapters, 194k Words, Complete, Draco/Harry, E Rating

TW: Racism and Racial Slurs, Homophobic Slurs, Ablism and Ablist Slurs, Rape and Sexual Assault, Sensory Overloads and Mental Breakdowns, Extreme Bullying and Hate Crime, Past Abuse, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD wow this is a long list

When Draco Malfoy encounters a struggling and frustrated Harry desperately trying to tie his shoes after a meltdown in the Great Hall, his curiosity regarding the incident leads him to seek the help of the two people closest to Harry: Ron and Hermione.

After even they are shocked to hear the extent of Harry's issues, though Hermione had her suspicions, he discovers more about the man than he ever thought he knew before.

As a Neurotypical, I found this fic to be absolutely wonderful. I don’t know much about the typical traits of those who are one the autism spectrum and how they affect their everyday lives, but from what I was reading in the comments from those who are on the spectrum or who have family who are, this fic was pretty accurate and realistic. Harry, who lives with aspergers, goes without a known diagnosis until 8th year and it’s just heightened by his PTSD and anxiety and ugh I just want to hug the boy. The story follows Harry and Draco and the rest of the 8th year gang through the year and has multiple arcs in which the wizarding world are just dumbass bitches who can’t fucking seem to accept people for who they are. Not only is Harry on the spectrum but he’s also Desi with a purpose and not just mentioned and forgotten which is wonderful. The boys go through a lot of trauma in the story but there’s also a lot of teeth-rotting fluff that I live for. This is one of the fics that I have read and reread because I love it so much.

This definitely is not my full list I have a ton more stories in my bookmarks if you are curious. I’ll probably post a part two to this just cause I have so much and read so often. These, however, are definitely the biggest highlights.

[angst-in-space]

december ‘19 writing progress & yearly wrap-up 📝

december:

total words written: 11,292 most words written in a day: 1,064 least words written in a day: 39

projects worked on:

- galolio fic - chapter 15 of altea rising - worked a little bit on chapter 8 of red skies - worked a tiny bit on the roman holiday au i think? - started planning my piece for @burningheartszine! - also started planning a wangxian fic with @parchmints owo

notes: welp, in terms of word count i didn’t do as well as i wanted to in december, but uh as you can see i was spread a little thin among a bunch of projects haha. most of my focus went towards my galolio fic (it’s at like 20k right now and i’m almoooost near the end...i think....).

i’ve also been trying to work on chapter 15 of altea rising when i can, and i feel terrible because it’s now been over a year since i updated it. but iT’S HAPPENING, I PROMISE. i still have kind of a significant chunk of it left and it’s gonna be really really long (like....basically it’s gonna practically be an entire fic in and of itself hahaha) but. i swear i have not given up on it! 

i got a tiny bit done on chapter 8 of red skies and the roman holiday au, but those have kind of been on the backburner since i’m prioritizing the above fics right now. but hey those are coming along, too. 

annnndd *drumroll* as mentioned above i am super excited to announce i will be a writer for the burning hearts zine (which is a promare/galolio zine)! can’t say much about what i’m writing yet, but i will say i’m super excited to write my piece and i’m collaborating with a very talented artist so i’m really really thrilled. :’’) so yeah keep an eye out for that!

and lastly, jessie and i started planning a wangxian fic we’re going to write together so AAHHH i’m incredibly hyped!! we’re still outlining and throwing ideas around n stuff but....stay tuned cuz i think it’s gonna be DOOOPE!! ;))

2019 wrap-up:

total words written: 173,329 most words written in a month: 20.2k (july) least words written in a month: 7.7k (october)

works completed:

- ‘til we meet the dawn - so maybe we can learn to love the rain - heaven is a place on earth with you - countdown (my piece for @kl-beginning-zine - not published yet) - chapter 7 of red skies

other wips:

- chapter 15 of altea rising - chapter 8 of red skies - kl roman holiday au - kl horse riding au - kl love bug au - kl hotel au - galolio fic - burning hearts piece (planning) - wangxian fic (planning) notes: so in 2018 i was really focused on my multichaps and didn’t really work on any standalone fics and in 2019 i basically had...the exact opposite problem hahaha. i finished four standalone fics and only one chapter of one of my multichaps but hey that’s not bad lol. 

“‘til we meet the dawn” (my klance fantasy au) took up....a very very large portion of my writing time/energy in 2019 since it uhh totaled around 75k words and was an extremely challenging fic to write. but in the end it was very much worth it! i’m still so blown away by the way people hyped it up and supported it so much. ;; i really was not anticipating all the love it received and i couldn’t be more grateful for that; i’ve gotten many comments on it that literally had me tearing up because they were so sweet. so yeah, thank you so so much to all of you who have supported it since i first started writing it - it really means the world to me!! 

i’m also quite happy with the shorter standalone fics i published this year and was thrilled to get into two zines!! 

in 2020 i hope to shift my focus back towards my multichap fics since i neglected them quite a lot in 2019 and i miss them a lot. i’m literally on the very last chapter of altea rising and i’m hoping i can get it done soon-ish and i apologize for the extremely long wait....those of you who have been reading it since 2016, you really are the true mvps haha. but i promise i’m working away at it! and once the last chapter is done, i hope to also really dive back into red skies again, since i have so much more planned for it that i’m super excited about!!

i also really hope to get working on the roman holiday au since i’m really fond of that one and have quite a lot of it written. i just...gotta finish it. as for my other kl wips, they’re slightly lower priority but i still do really want to finish them all! 

and of course i hope to also finish my first galolio fic really soon, plus start writing the wangxian fic with jessie! it’s really exciting to be writing for new fandoms and i hope to explore that more in 2020....and who knows, maybe work on some original fiction too! 

2020 goals:

- write every day - write at least 150k words - focus more on my multichaps - finish altea rising - finish a couple of my kl standalone fics?? not sure which ones yet, but yeah! - finish galolio fic  - write burning hearts piece - work on wangxian fic w jessie! - maybe start writing something original?? 

january goals:

- write every day - finish the galolio fic - work on chapter 15 of altea rising (i feel like if i finish it that would be a miracle but uh we’ll see lol)  - write draft of piece for burning hearts zine - maybe work on roman holiday au and/or chapter 8 of red skies? haha we shall see.....

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_< (and I love your writing so much btw (: ) okay I’ll stop rambling thank you in advance for answering!

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[keensers]

ALL THE EVEN QUESTIONS!!! And any process questions!!! Ok goodnight

hello j!!!!! this is many questions but i will skip the ones i did already (all from here)

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

right now in star wars land, quinlan vos and also every single clone. i love the clones. also, i love writing everyone in the obi wan-anakin-ahsoka chaos lineage. i love writing banter, and that lineage is banter all the way down. at least, in the post-empire world, where imo anakin and obi-wan are back to being ahsoka’s super annoying brothers, except they’re ghosts, so she can’t even fight them to make them go away.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

generally yes, at least with fanfic. most of the time when i write fanfic it’s because i desperately want to see how those characters behave with a particular narrative or with different situational constraints, or i have a worldbuilding idea i think is really cool. so i love reading fic where other people do that work so i don’t have to! especially with worldbuilding, there are fics where i’m absolutely just in awe of what the authors have managed to do, whether it’s a shift in one aspect of the characters that has a kind of domino effect on every single relationship they have and every action they take, or whether it’s a new, slightly off-tilt universe that they’ve built from the ground up and populated with brilliant new versions of the same people. i write a lot of canon-divergence-by-intervening-circumstances, so i’m a big believer in this, and i love reading it. other writers are much, much better at it than me.

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

i think this is a process question! i am a longfic writer because I have a hard time saying anything in less than 1000 words, and i’m mostly a plotter, if by “plotting” you mean “vividly hallucinating focal point scenes and stumbling through figuring out what happens between them to get from one to the next, with occasional flashes of insight or inspiration.” i wish i was a better plotter than i am… which is part of why i'm trying to really hash out a lot of the details of atr4 in an attempt to exert some semblance of control over the story.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

scream into a pillow + frantically type 2000 words in one day + lie awake in bed thinking about the next scene + do nothing for a week or a month + get hit over the head with how much this fic/concept means to me personally + start typing again + type 500-1000 words every day for two weeks + repeat until done or abandoned

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

hm… only insofar as “famous” means “impactful,” “good,” or “makes a lot of people feel things.” so i guess no, not inherently.

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

at the beginning, and then again at the end! because the one i start off with is always wrong by the time i finish… 

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

well, for the last 8 months i've been in star wars hell because i got so mad at tros that i wanted some actually-good star wars content so i watched all of tcw and just wildly, wildly overprojected onto obi-wan “exhausted but tenacious” kenobi. (i wonder why??? no i don’t.) then i had a great many Thoughts about how to link the prequel trilogy/tcw with the sequel trilogy, which has resulted in me seriously contemplating writing 300k+ of one ‘verse, which i have never ever done. i think the longest thing i've ever written was 75k, and that was orig fic. so my “new thing i'm trying” is plotting out 10+ stories in the same ‘verse and then actually writing them… or at least trying to. 

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

sometimes! really old stuff feels like someone else wrote it, which is very strange. but, yknow, sometimes you read through the entire body of work that exists on ao3 for what you want to read about, and you lace up your clown shoes and go read your own damn fic.

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

i think it has, and i definitely hope it has. i think i used to overdescribe and maybe now i underdescribe, which isn’t good either, but i do feel like i've gotten better at plotting and at character arcs that make sense and, generally, at getting a handle on characters’ behavior. also, high school me wrote in a very flowery yet rudderless kind of way, and i think now i have a better sense of both direction and show-don’t-tell.

[otakucalsama]

cal’s bella x crossover pairings fic recs

hello! this is cal here (obviously) and i’m just reposting this. i made it a while back, but the links didn’t work, so now i’m redoing it. this time, i’m going to make it smaller, with more posts, instead of larger in one post. so without further ado, here is my bella x the crossover pairings fic recs. also, this is only for completed fics, so if you have a story i didn’t add (that’s complete) send me a link and i’ll read it and then decide whether to add it or not. i will not, however, take any bella x edward, bella x jasper, or bella x jacob fics.

other fic recs here

last updated- 12/4/19

s u p e r n a t u r a l

d e a n x b e l l a

i. stick a fork in her by geezerwreench / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Receiving another cryptic set of coordinates from their father, Sam and Dean Winchester head to the Pacific Northwest where they’re confronted by a different kind of werewolf, learn about a sparkly new type of vampire, and meet a girl who’s fed up with all of it. Written for the 2016 Fandoms Against Domestic Violence fundraiser compilation. Language, violence, character death.

ii. ever hear of cold ones by shenandoah76209 / t / 10-15k, three-shot / complete

When Dean answered the phone it was only because he saw Bobby’s number on the ID. “Yeah Bobby, what’ve you got?” What Bobby had was a Hunter up in Forks with something that sounded like a cross between a Wendigo and a Vampire. Either one of those would be trouble. A mish mash of the two? This could be nothing good.

iii. bad medicine by bertie bott / m / 15-20k, three-shot / complete

On the flight home from saving Edward in Italy, Bella has a decidedly different reaction to finding out the truth behind him abandoning her. While running from her demons, Bella crosses paths with a couple of new ones, one of which she has no desire to run from… New Moon A/U and set in the beginning of season 10 in Supernatural.

iv. azazel cullen by t1gercat / k / 30-35k, multi-chaptered / complete

During a hunt Sam Winchester gets a vision of their life-long nemesis hunting the daughter of an old friend of his father. Will they make it in time to save her? Can vampires even be possessed?

v. she’s everything by maxipoo1024 / m / 140-150k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella has spent her whole life thinking something was wrong with her, that there was a glitch in her brain. A chance encounter with the Winchesters confirms her suspicions. With a hole in her heart and an apocalypse on the horizon, can a certain Winchester brother save the world, the girl, and heal his own heart in the process? Takes place beginning of New Moon

v a m p i r e  d i a r i e s  /  o r i g i n a l s

k l a u s x b e l l a

i. she didn’t have time by lorelei candice black / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

Loosely inspired by the song She Didn’t Have Time by Terry Clark. Bella ends up pregnant after her birthday and leaves her home. Edward left her. On the way she gets help from a witch who helps her survive and asks something of her. Bella/Klaus soul mate romance. Give it a chance and review please. Now complete.

ii. wherever this goes by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was simple, until it wasn’t. Bella didn’t know that when she became friends with Kol that it would bring Klaus into her life. After falling in love with the feared hybrid she comes to the conclusion that maybe he’s not meant to be hers.

iii. mystically charmed to fall for klaus by lorelei candice black / m / 140-150k, multi-chaptered / complete

Set during season 1 of TVD and at the beginning of New Moon in Twilight. Bella is a witch, the Charmed kind of witch. I borrowed some Spells for the TV show Charmed. It has the same base as my MCTF that paired Bella and Elijah, except now she’s with Klaus. Rewriting makes it LONGER. Done

iv. troublemaker by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella Swan, doppelganger, ends up being the missing piece to Klaus’s ritual. Only this sets in motion a romance that ends up being everything she could ever want. Nothing can keep these two lovers from each other, not even a new identity.

v. untouched by lorelei candice black / k+ / 2-3k, one-shot / complete / sequels- unbroken + unclaimed

PART 1 of a three part story. Bella wonders if she’ll really be happy with Edward without physical contact and staying human while he’s eternally young. She makes decisions, she sets the path for a new future. Try it please.

vi. can’t help myself by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Their first meeting was strange, but it leads to wonderful friendship. This friendships lead to something a little more special. But stupid later decisions lead to bigger problems. Hopefully, they get their happily ever after.

vii. goner by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was dark. Everything was dark inside and all hope was gone for her. The only thing that made her feel alive anymore was her brother. The dark was seeping into her soul and she was starting to lose the fight within herself. All it takes is the soul identical to her own to make her feel something other than sorrow.

viii. midnight love by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

She got what most people never did a final goodbye to her father. Moving to Mystic Falls with her Aunt and cousin Bella finds a new home. But Mystic Falls was the last place she ever thought she would meet her mate.

ix. salvation by ncbexie25 / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

1st place Kittyinaz WC Feb 2015. Pain immobilized him, and it was only the help of his brother, Elijah, that caused him to move some hours later. But his words stirred the drive and determination within him to a new focus that would last one thousand years. “We will bring her back, brother. And we will avenge her. Always and forever, that was our pledge. And we will stick to it.”

x. reaper twins by bitemytongue / m / 85-90k, multi-chaptered / complete / sequel- the reaping of new orleans

Bella’s life is going smoothly after the Cullen’s left, until she finds she has a twin brother & was adopted. With her new identity comes new power. Bella discovers she’s a different type of supernatural. Charlie gets a new job in Mystic Falls, Bella moves to continue her education with her brother. Bella’s mysterious identity and powers attract attention to her. M for Violence

xi. third time’s the charm by bitemytongue / m / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

Everyone has an epic love. A person you fall for so quickly and so hard that you can see forever with them. It’s that type of love that everyone aims for in their life. I’ve been alive for 38 years and a vampire for twenty of those years. In all my time I found three loves, but there was only one I wanted forever with. ONE-SHOT Rated M for Violence

xii. lifting his curse by lorelei candice black / k+ / 10-15k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella is 6 when she tells Klaus he is like THE BEAST in her book. Can True Love’s kiss really break any curse? Who is Klaus’ true love? Just a short one I’ve had in my head for a while… Might get bigger later but that’s it for now!I added Nanny’s POV, along with Elijah’s and Katerina’s.

xiii. my heart is forever yours by bitemytongue / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Far before she was Bella, she was Isabelle the wife of Niklaus Mikaelson. After hiding for centuries from her love, she finally re-connects with her past. M for violence.

xiv. nobody’s fault by darkest original / t / 65-70k, one-shot / complete

When something terrible takes place, part of the solution is to find someone to place the blame on. Alaric dies, it’s Esther’s fault. Elena dies, it’s Rebekah’s fault. When will people realize that blame does not rest on a just single person’s shoulders? It rests on the shoulders of each person involved, but sometimes accidents do happen and it really is nobody’s fault. B/K

xv. the visit by louisaxo / t / 3-4k, two-shot / complete

Set five years after the Cullen’s left. Bella returns to Forks with her new husband and family in tow, but who will they run into? ONLY DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SHOWS OR FRANCHISES MENTIONED IN THIS STORY.

xvi. on the 5th day of christmas, my true love gave to me (5 golden rings) by meekobb / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Written for winter contest on BIT, prompt cozy fire. Bella develops an unusual friendship, seeks his help after going on the run for her survival. Circling a traditional bonfire, she learns all she needs is her family. M for adult situations, violance, and fun.

xvii. of wolf and man by cuinawen / m / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

Seventh in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Klaus is being pulled towards something or someone, and he is done fighting it… Rated M for a little language and violence. One Shot.

xviii. sacrificing time by lorelei candice black / t / 25-30k, multi-chaptered / complete

What would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure the safety and happiness of the man you love and know is your Soul Mate? Bella sacrificed time. Bad people killed, good people killed and brought back, other killed and completely ignored… Rated T for safety. 8 chapters once complete. Review, please.

xix. a jump through time by lorelei candice black / t / 85-90k, multi-chaptered / complete

A few months after Edward left, Charlie announces something important to Bella and it will lead her to New Orleans. There, she finds not only her grandma but also a cousin she never knew she had and the Mickealson’s. When something terrible happen, the only way to change things is to go back in time…Can she do it?Rating for safety. Bella/Klaus, Review please COMPLETE

k o l x b e l l a

i. enchantress by bitemytongue / t / 70-75k, multi-chaptered / complete

With only a few months left until her graduation, Bella is told she’s an Enchantress. Bella adapts to her new magical powers, and decides to finally get out of Forks, and move to Mystic Falls. Charlie and Bella buy a house there Bella moves a month early to set up the house. It’s then she discovers her 2 younger cousins Elena and Jeremy have been pulled into the supernatural.

ii. the oracle by poohbearbms / m / 80-85k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella loved Edward but when he left her in the woods that day he did not know the events he set into motion. Plans three thousand years in the making are about to be set in motion due to a broken heart and a desire to find who she really was meant for. With her her gifts to help her along the way the servants of nature will learn what the true meaning of natures balance is.

iii. red string by imaginary raine / k+ / 10-15k, two-shot / complete

Theirs is a story that have spanned a thousand years. He would search for her, and she would wait for him. Because no matter how long it took, they would find each other. It was their fate. Soulmate fic. Kol/Bella

iv. their forever promise by brookie twiling / m / 4-5k, one-shot / complete

They met in a dark alley. She, born and raised in a pleasure house, him, lonely and bloodthirsty. Both lusting for each other. They live happily for four years together before Klaus daggers him and Allibelle is left alone. A hundred years later and he’s free. What will happen when they find each other again? Will Kol forgive her for being with another? One-shot/ExplicitContent.

v. you’re not the one by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

After centuries of being together, Kol has grown tired of the life he leads. In a solution to make him happy, Isabella lets him go. With a heart full of pain, she travels back to her homeland to get away from the heartache.e No longer going by Mikealson, Bella Salvatore returns to Mystic Falls to visit her boys. Only to run into the past she wasn’t ready to face. 

vi. a love to kill for by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Kol moves to Seattle after his babysitting of Jeremy Gilbert in Denver. In Seattle he finds more than he was looking for when he comes across Bella Swan. M FOR VIOLENCE. One-Shot

vii. a shadow in the mirror by cuinawen / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella Swan finds herself dragged into the middle of things when mysterious murders begin to plague the small town of Forks. But the most obvious danger isn’t always the one you should worry about the most. Romance/Horror, Bella/Kol. *Mature Content* Halloween One-shot contest entry for Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Spook Fest

viii. moonlight and mistletoe by cuinawen / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

Twelfth and final story in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… After the Cullens leave Bella finds peace while going out running… and then someone finds her… Rated M just in case. One Shot.

ix. fallen for you by agmdnat / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

After her break-up with Edward, Bella found her soulmate in the form of another vampire, an Original vampire. She also discovered her real parentage that gave her amazing abilities and wings to go with it. M for some language and violence. [Kol,Bella]O/S

x. sanctuaire by buggyfiction / m / 90-95k, multi-chaptered / complete / sequel- pandore

On a class trip to New Orleans, Bella stumbles upon history like she never anticipated. Learning about one’s self is never easy, but discovering new things is always an adventure to true independence. Witch!Kol/Bella pairing.

e l i j a h x b e l l a

i. near to you by bitemytongue / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

A month after Edward leaves Bella, Bella is beginning to heal. She meets Elijah and with him she begins to really forget Edward and embrace who she really is. With Elijah she truly begins to love. ONE-SHOT

ii. eternal love by bitemytongue / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Bella lied to everyone at Forks. She wasn’t human, she was a cupid. Most of all, she was the daughter of one of the most feared people on Earth. With less than a year to live she sets out on a trip around the world. Ending in the small town of Mystic Falls. Where she meets HIM. ONE-SHOT

iii. vegas by excentrykemuse / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Alice and Rosalie take Bella to Vegas for her bachelorette. What they didn’t realize was that Bella would meet a certain Original while playing Poker … and would fall in love. Bella/Elijah

iv. an eclipse in time by lorelei candice black / m / 45-50k, multi-chaptered / complete

In New Moon,Bella goes to her grandmother’s in Mystic Falls. The war between Hybrids and Vampires is in full swing and it’s horror. Bonnie sends her back in time when the originals were human to change things. Klaus starts out evil…Will he change? Story COMPLETE

v. mystically charmed to fall by lorelei candice black / t / 110-120k, muti-chaptered / complete

Bella learns that she’s a witch after Edward leaves her. She goes to Mystic Falls to learn more with her grandmother. Set in New moon and at the end of season 1 of TVD. Evil Alice. Bella’s the Charmed kind of witch. Review:-) NOW COMPLETE

vi. a love for nature by bitemytongue / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Bella has found her safe haven in New Orleans. With the help of Marcel she’s able to live a normal life, or as normal as it gets for her. She quickly meets the Mikaelsons, and with her love for children helps them with their new member Hope. This friendship will hopefully lead to love.

vii. the waltz by cuinawen / k+ / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Second in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… A brief encounter at a Mikaelson party in New Orleans… One Shot.

viii. where are you now by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella had come to her senses, letting go of the love of her life was the worst mistake she had ever made. In an effort to find him, she leaves Edward and Forks behind. Only the hunt for her love gets postponed after she has an accident landing her in New Orleans. ONE-SHOT

j e r e m y x b e l l a

i. hunting by numbers by cuinawen / t / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

Ninth in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Jeremy meets a girl at Whitmore College… she’s mysterious, quiet… and she needs his help… One Shot.

d a m o n x b e l l a

i. living on a prayer by bertie bott / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Originally written for Kittyinaz’s July Writing Contest. On his death bed after Tyler’s killing bite, Damon has an out of body experience that leads him to a revelation, finally giving his eternity meaning…

ii. almost lover by bertie bott / t / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Jasper’s honor demands he takes action. Really, he couldn’t abide sitting by watching his family smother Bella to the point of snuffing out her happiness… And if helping her also helps an old friend, then it’s any easy decision when he takes it upon himself to set her free.

iii. a reality romance by t1gercat / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

When bad boy superstar Damon Salvatore is forced to have his own reality show to up his album sells he has to have a roommate. Who better than shy girl Bella Swan? Can the two live in peace or will their secrets tear them apart?

iv. the shortcut home by kittyinaz / m / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

A meeting one night in a dusty town changes everything. Now a man becomes a father, a woman becomes a daughter to someone who deserves her, and a love is started. Read what would happen if Twilight had started differently. 

v. this left feels right by bertie bott / m / 15-20k, three-shot / complete

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball right when you need it most. Damon is asked to visit an old friend by someone he can’t say no to. When he gets to Forks, though, it’s not a family of vampires he finds waiting for him, but an angry girl who just might give his life the new direction he’s been seeking…

f i n n x b e l l a

i. all paths lead home by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

She had given up hope of ever seeing her love again, she should have known that the fates wouldn’t be so cruel.

ii. thaw by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was cold, the wind and rain seemed to seep to her very bones. Yet, she did not care. She was numb anyway, her heart frozen beyond repair.

iii. speechless by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Life had been hard for Bella Swan after the departure of Edward Cullen, but the rescue of a new friend changes things. Attempting to control her power, and trying to grow accustomed to her new disability Bella Swan starts a new life, and hopefully finds new love. M for Violence

h e n r i k x b e l l a

i. connected by the soul by bitemytongue / m / 120-130k, multi-chaptered / complete

With a forgetful mother and a father several states away Bella has always been on her own. That is until her eleventh birthday when she encounters her soul mate. The only problem, he’s a spirit trapped on the other side. Seventeen and moving to Forks with her father, Bella is closer to being with her soul mate,there’s always something fishy lurking around the corner. M for Violence

ii. renegade by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete / sequel- run away with me

Being stuck on the Other-side is worst than anyone could ever imagine. Being forced to watch as his family unravels before him, Henrik changes from the lovable boy he was human, to a cold and hating ghost. Meeting Bella Swan only fuels his anger for all living beings.

k a i x b e l l a

i. bring you back by meekobb / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

When Bella finds herself immersed deeper in the supernatural world, without any cooperation, it drives her to find help from an unlikely ally. Her loyalty to the only one who shows her any concern changes her in ways no one anticipates. Cover art by Bertie Bott.

s l a t e r x b e l l a

i. hacker’s code by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Being a Hacker is who she is, it’s all she has left anymore. That is until Bella comes across a certain Mikaelson who uses her skill to track down his brother. Working for a Mikaelson leads her to find her equal and a true friend.

t h i e r r y x b e l l a

i. holding onto you by bitemytongue / m / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella had never been without her brother for long, but she was beginning to feel the pain of his loss. She needed to find someone who could help be the family that she needed, but being rejected by her older brother was the last straw. Bella heads to the one place that reminded her most of family, only to meet someone important.

t e e n  w o l f

s t i l e s x b e l l a

i. keep me warm by bitemytongue / m / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella meets a boy her age who is being ignored by all his friends, and being the new kid in town means she has no one to talk to. It makes for the beginning of a beautiful friendship. One that involves, werewolves, vampires, magic, and falling in love.

i s s a c x b e l l a

i. last of the true believers by bitemytongue / t / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella’s life was a bad 90’s high school movie, that is until her father takers her on a vacation around the world. Somewhere between exploring and rediscovering herself she gets a new best friend who might just also happen to be her bonded. But that doesn’t mean that have to date… not yet anyway.

j a c k s o n x b e l l a

i. give me something by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella needs a fresh start, one away from vampires and the overbearing weight of grief she had. She moves to Beacon Hills with her older cousin Derek, and his new found pack. She wants friends that are her own, and to be seen as just a girl and not part angel, she gets more than she ever wanted when she meets the cocky blonde haired werewolf.

h a r r y  p o t t e r

s e v e r u s x b e l l a

i. dark eyes by metallicangel28 / m / 10-15k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella was a witch. A dyed in the wool, wand waving, potion brewing, broom riding witch. Not that she rode brooms. She was also Hermione’s elder cousin. After finding a dying Severus Snape in the boat house, she works her magic to heal and bring him back to life. In more ways than just physically. (Timeline altered to make Bella older than Hermione but Twilight story remains as is.)

o n c e  u p o n  a  t i m e

p a n x b e l l a

i. flying away, back to neverland by lorelei candice black / k+ / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

Bella met Peter Pan when she was 8. She kept on coming to Neverland often at nights and grew very close to Peter Pan and the Lost boys. On her 15th birthday, she decides not to go anymore until she’s ready to stay. When she turns 18, she’s ready but will Edward let her go? One-shot. Review please?

a v e n g e r s

l o k i x b e l l a

i. my true self by desertdarkfire / k+ / >1k, one-shot / complete

She’s heard him all her life, somewhere in the shadows. He’s been waiting for her, waiting for her to awaken. What she thinks is a dream, quickly turns to reality. Who is this man? BellaxLoki AU. Based on a song challenge from a friend.

ii. god gave me you by darkestdarkfire / k / >1k, one-shot / complete

Loki takes two very big steps in his life. One of them involves Bella. What could they be? AU Oneshot fic, BellaxLoki

iii. let the stars unite us by whatarefilms / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Sometimes a mother just has to meddle, and this is one of the times that it’s for the good of the universe. (One shot)

s t e v e x b e l l a

i. a heaven from hell’s despair by steampunkfairytale / t / 65-70k, multi-chaptered / complete

When Charlie Swan and Sue Clearwater were murdered by Renee Dwyer, Bella Swan, reeling from the departure of the Cullens, her father’s murder and desperate to escape her psychopath mother turns to the only family she has left: Her Godfather Tony Stark. Bella/Steve. FINALLY COMPLETE!

x m e n

g a m b i t x b e l l a

i. explosive love by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Everyone has someone to complete them, challenge them, protect them, even someone as broken as she.

d o c t o r  w h o

1 1 t h d o c t o r x b e l l a

i. is it really you? by queenvampire / k+ / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Bella is actually another time lord, Huntress, the doctor’s soul mate. She survived, but the doctor thought she was dead, after an incident involving the tardis and a sabre toothed tiger. She lived among humans for a while, trying to find the doctor. What happens when he is put in hospital by accident, and Carlisle Cullen is treating him? Don’t own it.

p i r a t e s  o f  t h e  c a r i b b e a n

j a c k x b e l l a

i. a caribbean soul by fanpire.x / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

After Edward leaves, Bella goes back to her real home in the seventeenth century where her first love awaits; but what happens when seven vampires are transported there as well? *Bella/Jack - during NM, then CotBP*

l a b y r i n t h

j a r e t h x b e l l a

i. twilight in the labyrinth by metallicangel28 / m / 45-50k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella is Sarah’s cousin, and was sent to live with Sarah’s family when Charlie believes her to be sinking farther into her depression. When Sarah makes her ill-thought out wish, Bella is taken with Toby to the castle beyond the goblin city. What will happen when Bella finds both family and love in the Underground. Set in modern times with Jareth’s 80’s clothes. Rofl Sarah bashing!

c r i m i n a l  m i n d s

s p e n c e r x b e l l a

i. look after you by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Being the child of an infamous BAU agent didn’t mean anything to Bella, she was just happy to have a father. Now, at 22 she finds that she’s happy being in love with the genius Doctor Reid. Only now she hopes that she can be forever happy with him. 

d e r e k x b e l l a

i. no more bad days by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete

Bella was never normal, but luckily for her she met her best friend who was just like her. She had to learn the hard way that life isn’t always going to be filled with happy memories. Her life contained bad memories, anxiety attacks, and some loneliness. That is until she gets a job at the FBI and through strange circumstance finds herself in a relationship with a certain Agent.

a a r o n x b e l l a

i. stolen by agentswan / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Aaron Hotchners wife and son get kidnapped. See how he gets them back and who took them. This is for twilightvixxen. M for a reason!

v a m p i r e  a c a d e m y

a d r i a n x b e l l a

i. smile by jasper’s guardian angel / t / >1k, one-shot / complete

In their darkest days they found each other and learned how to smile again. Vampire Academy/Twilight cross-over one-shot, Adrian/Bella pairing. Takes place after LS and During NM. AU

c o v e n a n t

r e i d x b e l l a

i. finding myself with you by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Everything changed when Edward left. Bella was left broken, and after hitting rock bottom she leaves Forks to move in with her cousin Tyler. Hopefully, Ipswich will be exactly what she needs to find herself.

t y l e r x b e l l a

i. blue eyes by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Heartbroken Bella moves to be with her cousin. All she wants is a normal life, but she isn’t that lucky. Falling in love with her cousin’s best friend is only the beginning, it’s discovering she’s not who she thought she was that changes everything. All she wants is to be happy, and she realizes all she needs is her soulmate to be happy. M For Violence

ii. all i need is you by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete

After everything, leaving Forks was the best decision Bella had ever made. There was no regrets when she left to attend Harvard. For Tyler going to Harvard meant being with his best friends, only freshman year he meets the love of his existence. It’s a real shame his shyness has been holding him back from making a move. Can a math class change things? M for minor violence and such

c a l e b x b e l l a

i. better with you by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

For one it was a lonely life. A life full of sorrow and pain and an overwhelming hate for being an immortal. For the other immortality was a new beginning. A beautiful chance to live a life without sorrow and pain. Coming together they find they’re just perfect for each other, only it takes them a bit of time to realize it.

p o g u e x b e l l a

i. say you love me by bitemytongue / t / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

They met in college, two broken hearts coming together to put the pieces back together. Only after two years and a visit to Ipswich do they begin to realize, that maybe they’re meant to be more than friends. ONE-SHOT

z  n a t i o n

1 0 k x b e l l a

i. no longer alone by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella Swan didn’t experience the normal zombie apocalypse. She was kidnapped just before it began, so her time was spent with vampires instead of zombie. Escaping she found her way to a small group of survivors on a mission. Keeping her secrets Bella tags along with the group only to fall in love with their quietest member. It’s strange to find love in the apocalypse M for Violence

t r u e  b l o o d

g o d r i c x b e l l a

i. sweet compliance by cuinawen / t / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Sixth in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Godric isn’t the only one imprisoned by the FotS… they use an innocent human girl to force him to comply… One Shot.

ii. the rescue by velez / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

“I Do” vs. “I Do” What is your forever like? Bella Swan is about to say “I Do” but, to the wrong man. Her rescuer is an immortal 2000-year-old vampire who will go to any length to save her. Even if they have not seen each other for some time.

iii. you loved me back to life by velez / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

From comatose to two thousand years. Godric and Bella learn to live, love and care for each other during the storm called life.

e r i c x b e l l a

i. an unexpected claim by cuinawen / m / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

First in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Bella goes to Fangtasia with her cousin Sookie and the vampire Bill, and finds the experience exasperating, until she meets a certain Viking. Rated M just in case. One Shot.

a l c i d e x b e l l a

i. taming the wolf by jinx dodson / m / 120-130k, multi-chaptered / complete

“Get on.” He half growls with a slight smile. “You said it’d be as if you never existed…” He turns to her. “What’d you say baby?” She shakes her head as he looks upon her strangely. “Nevermind baby let’s go.” What happens when he doesn’t stop and Bella finds herself in Shreveport, La? With a wolf that has claims to her. (A bit of a dominating Alcide.) Read and Review. RATED Mature

[elderlingacademic]

Tunnels, lights at the end of

Popping on here to post personally for the first time in a long while just to say that I’m currently researching how best to write a conclusion, and it’s like getting a faint glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

I had intended this blog to be much more full of my thoughts on doing a PhD thesis, but as it turns out if you have stress-related meltdowns over writing your thesis you tend not to have the capacity to write much of anything else. Which is frustrating. But a quick update now, then, as the stars seemed to have briefly aligned.

I have (hopefully less than) a year left of my PhD; I have around 57k written of 75k. I’m currently setting up for a big push, to try and work with my own tendency to find “Do It All Now All At Once!” a much easier thing to go with than “pace yourself but do it forever and ever” - I study three days a week, so I’m doing three weeks of writing 1k a day, then taking my two weeks holiday, then doing another three weeks at 1k a day. When I complete this, I should have hit my minimum wordcount (75k). 

The idea behind this is that I’ll have, effectively, a submittable thesis. Not a thesis that I want to submit, but that’s okay. I’ve got more than six months to polish, perfect, edit, cut, or add to it. But it will be Done, in a very specific way, and I hopefully won’t continue to spiral in anxiety over getting enough words (not conducive to working on anything). 

1k a day is going to be very tough for me. I’ve been working on a 500 words per day system for a year or so, which is sometimes easy and sometimes nearly impossible. But hopefully the fact that this push is limited to six weeks (with a big break in the middle) will help me push past some of the problems.

I don’t mind if what I write is not that great. That’s okay. I need bad first drafts before I can have good second drafts. You cannot edit a blank page.

This week I’m doing plans - outlines for chapter five and the conclusion, and some notes on missing pieces from earlier in the thesis. The push starts next Tuesday.

I’d like to aim to post on here more often as I work through the end of this thing, but I also don’t want to commit to that because I can’t be sure of how I’m going to feel. But it’s always something I’m considering.

As always, I’m around if anyone has any questions for me, or anything they want to chat about. In the meantime? Wish me luck. I wish you luck, with whatever your project is right now. Give it a good thumping. I know you’re going to beat it.

H

[yaldev]

As of today, we’re celebrating: 365 Yaldev posts, 4 years of this nonsense, and being exactly 7 years behind Beeple!

CELEBRATION:

365 posts! That’s one year of Yaldev! Well, if I had been writing one every day, which I absolutely haven’t.

It continues to be the case that looking back on posts even from less than a year ago, I think “man this sucks,” and I either know how to improve it at least a little bit while I’m there, or I can’t stand to even look at it and I just have to escape from it. I don’t feel too much pressure to fix the bad posts at this point; as of today, Yaldev’s been going for exactly four years now (if you skip leap days :thonk:), and in a sense it’s chronicled my progress as a writer during that time. Some entries have been modified since them, some changed entirely except for the name and art chosen. I think it only makes sense that reading through it in storyline order will be like traveling through different points of my creative skill, in much the same way as it means traveling through different points of Beeple’s art quality.

CIRCUMSTANTIAL UPDATES:

People I know in real life are bugging me to start a Patreon. It’d certainly be reasonable to start one now that I’m four years in, but I can’t justify setting one up without:

A more consistent creative output than I’m currently hammering out, so I’m not taking your money for less utility than I’m giving you

Something to offer patrons without compromising the project for non-patrons

Existing interest from some of my audience in throwing cash at me (dance, monkey!)

A possible solution to the first one is setting myself a bar: if I don’t write at least X words by the end of the month, I don’t receive anyone’s money for that month. Hopefully that makes people feel more comfortable backing someone inconsistent, since they’ll still receive their benefits during the down periods but not have to spend anything. For the second, I have ideas for what to offer, but they’d have to be on top of my current output rather than replacing it, so at present I can’t really work ahead on them without detracting from the main project. It’s hard juggling part-time school, full-time job, getting enough sleep, Yaldev, another creative project I have a stronger obligation to, a paper I’m writing for a conference, relaxation, and generic life stuff. That said, I could be happily coerced into making a Yaldev a higher priority if I have a financial obligation to a couple supporters. The real question is whether there’s any interest in that. I worry that when the project has gone on as long as it has, interest actually decreases over time if it’s seen as old news. On the other hand, maybe older followers have a sense of being with me since the early days, like they’re invested in this ride as well. I have little clue.

In any event, if a Patreon goes up, I absolutely won’t be shoving it in people’s faces at every opportunity, since I’m not in a position of financial need and money was never the point of this. The main project would continue to be 100% free, and benefits would only be for additional goodies; nothing you can currently see would be moved behind a paywall.

STATISTICS:

This is the fun part, lads! Get ready for some stats and some commentary!

Total Stories: 365

As should be obvious, all numbers are only for the point at which I'm writing this post. These only include the posts that are canon and which I wrote.

Project Age: 1460 Days

Exactly four years! I think it’s a fun coincidence that it lined up with the 365th entry.

How Long You Have to Wait, on Average, For the Next Post: Approximately 4 Days

My output has slowed down since the last update. Feelsbad, but I don’t hear much complaining and I hope that higher quality makes up for lower quantity. Even still, I’m trying to blitz through my to-do list and speedrun my coursework to make more time for this. I hope to eventually bring that down to 3.5, for an average of two posts per week across the project's history.

Readers Across All Platforms: 536 (107 on Tumblr, 135 on Facebook, 140 on Instagram, 154 on Reddit)

Howdy y'all! Thanks for being here and reading my steadily-improving crap. I really struggle with talking about my creative projects in real life, including Yaldev, primarily out of a self-trained instinct to shut myself up about it on the understanding that nobody cares—especially not other creative types, since we're all too invested in our own creation to pay much attention to others. I've been trying to overcome that, and you're helping me just by being here to read. That tells me there's potential in this and that it's something that at least some people genuinely want to see. Artists shouldn't attach their sense of self to their creations, but I can't help but feel validated through that.

At the same time, I do often fear that mine is the sort of content that just gets a like tossed at it for the pretty visuals on the way down the endless content scroll, without having made a real impression on anyone or created a lasting memory. I'll probably always have that worry, which comes as much from a disdain for general Internet culture as anything else. Late in 2020 I took a step away from social media, and I’ve only partially returned, with the result that scrolling through newsfeeds takes up much less of my time than it used to. Feels good. I’d encourage you to do the same, but then you wouldn’t be seeing my own crap as often. :^)

Stories Per Reader: Approximately 0.68

Makes it sound like a decent growth rate, if on average I'm getting one new follower per story half the time, and two new followers the other half of the time. I guess "good growth rate" is somewhat subjective and depends on your goal, but for me, having a tangible unit of increase for each feels good.

It’s actually a lot more variable than that, of course. Usually a given entry will either attract no new followers because I only put it up in my own spaces, or it’ll draw in a few if I post it to a space for content like mine.

Total Word Count: 89,721

I typically operate under the assumption that most novels are about 75k, while sci-fi and fantasy novels tend to be longer since their authors are physically incapable of shutting up, putting them at around 100k. We’ll definitely reach that, and it probably won’t even take that long.

Average Story Length: Approximately 246 words

The 245-255 range is what feels good to me. Part of Yaldev’s appeal compared to books, in theory, is that if you’re consuming it the normal way, you’re getting it in bite-sized chunks as part of your scrolling experience. So I theoretically prefer to keep them on the short side, even if in practice I actually go ham and write stuff that’s quite long. The average here is really being dragged by 100-word posts previously being a lot more common than they are now.

STORY PLANS GOING FORWARD:

So the most recent entry, Gemstones as Mana Sources, was Beeple’s art from February 15, 2014. Today’s exactly 7 years from then, so I actually have an easy bar now for whether I’m catching up to the dude or not. 

When I started this project, I began with his art from July of 2014 and then started moving forward. I got to about September 2015 before I decided that I wanted to go hardcore and go through all his art from the very beginning, at which point I warped back to his art from the very beginning in 2008, and started going through it in chronological order. I think I made that shift back in 2019, and now we’re getting back to the era of his art that I actually started this project with. All of this is to say that soon you’re probably going to notice an uptick in the art quality, either to something new if you’re new, or to what it was like in the Good Ol’ Days™ if you’ve been following this for a long time. As mentioned earlier, I no longer feel super bound to what I’ve written before: I prefer maintaining consistency, but some threads not being tied up and some contradictions are fine. I think the biggest one is that the state of magic’s legality in the Ascended Empire has never been made super clear, but I’m actually okay with that. I know that in the Imperiomancy entry I mentioned how its use by officials varied depending on who held power in government, and magic as a whole could be an even more complex issue that varies by time as well as region. I unironically think that Yaldev is the kind of world that has room for headcanon, so while I’ll try to fix egregious errors, you’re also quite justified in having your own handwaves for my screwups.

I don’t have any updates for any of the storylines really, except for the stuff with Inzohm and the Lone Traveller, for anyone keeping up with that: consider all of it to be in rough-draft at the moment. It’s the kind of long-con story that I really can’t coherently tell the way I do with the rest of Yaldev, so everything I write for it is more like notes that I can later on collect, shuffle, remix and rewrite until it’s semi-coherent. Turns out that Yaldev has helped me develop a number of skills as a writer, but telling better character-driven narratives isn’t one of them—partially because my chosen process, medium and inspiration-artist doesn’t lend itself too well to such stories.

Thanks for being here. What I always wanted as a kid was for other people to be as excited about my worldbuilding as I was, and while I doubt I've hit that extent with Yaldev, I hope my work's had some impact on you, or that it has parts you remember and enjoy. If you have any questions or comments you’ve been too shy to put elsewhere, feel free to drop them here! If not, just stick around and I’ll see you again at post number 400!

[darksabreassassin]

Current WIP Meme

Rules: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or as little detail as you would like, then tag some friends to see whatever they are working on: writing, art, gifsets, whatever.

Bumbumbum, @elfyarts tagged me (you and me really need to have like an actual convo about wips sometime, kapeesh? :D ) so here we go! I suck at summaries but whatever!

Eristae (This is my big one, not so much a title as it is the name of the world. It keeps going through a bunch of different things, getting added onto and so forth. Frankly, it’s getting to be quite a massive project. I’ve been working on it since I was fourteen, so what is that, five and half or six years now? god I’m old.) Some various aspects of my Eristae project include:

The Darksabre Trilogy which may not actually end up being at trilogy? We will see when we are actually somewhat more done with the thing. It was the result of a couple of NaNoWriMos (both Novembers and some summer camp sessions) when I was in junior high and early high school. It follows the story of a drifting young assassin, Jackal Darksabre, after he is driven from his home and family. He gets caught up in a struggle against an Elven warlord who is making it his life’s goal to take over as much as Eristae as possible. Jackal’s destiny is intertwined with that of Jackal’s own son as well as the destiny of Corzan’s bastard sons, Elondion and Tyranth. The first two books, Darksabre and Dra’llewyn, have completed first drafts of about 70k and 75k words respectively. The untitled third book has about 50k words and is nowhere near any sort of actual finished draft. The entire thing is currently in the brainstorm of a complete rewrite/reimagining because it needs some serious help.

Magehunter is my little passion project honestly. It’s been in the brainstorm/planning phase for about........ three years. Currently, it’s set about 150 years after the Darksabre books. Remember Elondion and Tyranth? Now it’s their turn to be protagonists. The brothers were separated again not terribly long after they first met, and half-Dark Elf Tyranth, who is a powerful firemage, is found by the archmage of mind magic, Skotadi. Skotadi is convinced that magic is a plague on the earth, and is determined to wipe out everyone with even a hint of magic. He bound two of the other archmages to himself--Tyranth, archmage of fire magic, and Kelebidanik, archmage of earth--and is using them as assassins, the Magehunters. Meanwhile, Elondion gets to be all mopey cause everyone he knew and loved died.  It has all of about 17k words in any sort of draft form, because the plan and when it is set keeps changing.

The Winged Prince which is probably my favorite story that I’m working on. (cause it maybe has both my otps in it, haha) It’s my current CampNaNo project for the month of July! It was the story that got me back on the writing track after two years of producing jackshit because my mental health was all shot to hell. This is the summary of it that’s on the CampNaNo site right now:  “With the miraculous return of the elder of his twin sons, Crown Prince Aalain, long thought dead, Malik Elvenking commissions a new family portrait with his now-grown sons. The painter that was hired, the Dark Elf Ty, brings his apprentice, Jamie, with him to the High Elven capital. Jamie's friendly, outgoing nature brings him friends and acquaintances through out Amin Thalore, letting him piece together the lives of the twin princes, getting to the heart of their feud, and beginning to understand the prickly younger prince, the one with the scarred face and his grandmother's wings, Kalyntel.” And here’s a bonus Netflixesque description! “Kalyntel can read the thoughts of everyone around him--except his recently not-dead twin brother, Aalain. With his magic threatening to overwhelm him entirely, he must struggle through reconciling with his brother and finding a way to control his power in order to have any chance of addressing fellow mindmage Iarien, a psychopath who has been trying to get his attention.” It’s got well over 100k words, written over the last eight months, and its mostly disconnected scenes right now. 

Other writing includes a desire to write a paper about religious symbolism in Homestuck.

I also crochet so currently working on a sweater for my sister for Christmas and a stuffed dinosaur. Probably I’ll make some more fan stuff, probably Homestuck, tbh.

Cosplay includes a godtier!Mituna with about half the stuff I need collected for it, a human!Sufferer for the RenFest (I’ll reuse most of my regular Sufferer cosplay, but I need to make a different shirt) and a Muffet that’s currently in the planning phase.

As for people to tag.... Well, I don’t have a lot of friends on tumblr, so let’s go with @official-jackmorrison if he wants to do it cause his projects are the shit :D