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dropsnectar · 2 days

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Pollen and Potions: Bee-men x Afab!reader

PART FIVE

NSFW

Well! Five parts later and here is your bee-smut! There will be other parts to this, and part six will probably be up by later tonight, since I'm on a roll rn. tw: breasts WILL be mentioned lol

When Rena finally stopped flying, you were outside of a large structure. You’d always imagined the hive itself as a sort of large cartoon beehive, but instead found something that looked more like a gymnasium. The outside coating looked almost like a gray paper mache, no sharp edges in sight. The “building” stood four stories tall and seemed to form itself around the impossibly tall trees of the ancient wood. It stretched impossibly wide, and you couldn’t tell quite how long the building stretched on.

There were several guard bees at the entrance. You recognized one of them as a bee-men you had met at the music festival. They saw you and Rena and immediately moved aside, Rena pushing you through the door. She eventually grabbed your hand and started to guide you through what seemed like tunnels.

The ceiling shone with a faint light, much like the inside of the shed you had visited once. You weren’t able to do much. You were out of breath from your running when you eventually made it to a large room with a high ceiling. You could see about thirty bee-men, scattered around this way and that. Many of them met your eyes, looks of pity, and despair settling in the ridges between their eyebrows and noses. You kept on, until Rena brought you through another tunnel, passing room after room. Finally, it seemed you had made it to where you were supposed to be and you saw a figure slumped down in a small alcove in the wall. You’d recognize these those wings anywhere.

“Lyith!” You yelled, running to his side. You turned him over, and you were taken with a strange forbidden feeling pulsing its way into your head. It was like a current was pushing at the dam of your mind, waiting to break. Lyiths usual, lemon-grapefruit sent had turned sour, like he was rotting. He was pulling in breath after breath, like his lungs couldn’t hold onto any of it. His limbs shook and twitched. He didn’t seem to be aware of anything going on in the room.

“He smells like decaying magic. Whats going on Rena.” You knew what she would say, but refused to believe it.”

“Lyith can’t handle his own mana right now. It's not compatible with his body anymore.” Rena’s eyes were filled with tears.

“But that only happens when you guys are starved for magic right? Haven told me! You guys have been able to get more magic from my honey, why is he…” Your face was hot and your mouth was dry.

“He was very weak before he started getting nutrients. His body didn’t build strength quick enough to adjust to the influx of energy..”

“But you guys were descended from gods right? You're like demigods! Can’t you heal him?”

“The problem isn’t his physical body, it’s his magical one. The structure around his magic is too weak. Listen, Little One, there is still something we can do. You can do.”

Leith let out a gargling buzz. It sounded almost like he was choking.

“You can use your magic. I don’t know how it works, but your mana is very compatible with ours.” She took your hands and pulled them around Lyiths, pressing down firmly.

“There are two forms of magic when it comes to us. Our own magic, and our hives. His magic can’t handle the hives so its burning itself up trying to keep up. If you use your magic and join it to his for a while, you might be able to give him enough strength to endure for a time. But if you do this wrong, and add your magic to that of the hive…”

“It’ll overwhelm him. I’d kill him.”

“He’s already dying, (y/n).” This was the first time Rena had ever called you by name.

You stared out at Lyith’s face, wincing at how he was contorting in pain. It was just like Haven had described. His magic was burning him up.

You didn’t know if this would work, but you had to try. You carefully shook yourself from Rena’s grip, placing your hands onto Lyith’s cheeks. You concentrated on the feeling of magic. Immediately, your vision went starry. You were overwhelmed with white pulsing hot magic. It overtook all of your senses. It took everything you had to mentally claw and pull yourself up enough to be, let alone see. There was so much there. You immediately recognized the feeling of Rena’s mind, then Haven’s then that of so many others who had shared their feelings with you overtimes. You could feel their astonishment. The horror, the joy, the disturbed and the hopeful. You had to pull yourself out of it. This feeling must be the magic of the hive that Rena had been talking about.

You reached your awareness out further, concentrating on Lyith, but it was so hard to find him over the rushing current of magic. You eventually found his pain first, and followed it back to a racing, burning hot feeling. You grasped onto it with all of your might. You reached around and tried to feel out where Lyith began and the rest of the hive began, but it took time. Too much time.

You eventually grasped him, using your magic to form a barrier around his consciousness and the magic that surrounded him. There was no physical realm in your eyes, just magic, and you slowly started to piece your own mana out to his, watching it trickle around him. You could see it then, the structures, the geometry that made him up, like he was a log cabin and his wooden beams were burning.

Yes! That was it! You saw it now.

Slowly, you pushed your magic into his structure, fortifying it, adding layers of concrete to his wood. That little pool of energy inside you became a well, and you added it to the weakest parts of the house. A wall had already collapsed so you concentrated on building that up again, using the ash that had already been burnt. The fire, the fire burning the house was trying to consume you too, it hurt, almost forcing your mind back into your body.

“Little witch please be careful.” Lyith whispered in your ear. But you didn’t have a body, you were a well. The voice had been weak. Too weak. You needed to heal him, build him up again. You continued to work, fueled by your desperate need not to see him die. You gave your magic over to him, and suddenly he wasn’t a house anymore but a garden. LIke your garden! You could feel him completely around you. His breath was your wind, his body the soil.

But his garden was decayed. His flowers were wilted, the stalks browning. You couldn’t leave him like that. Not your Lyith.

“Slow down.” You heard him hiss, from somewhere you couldn’t quite see. A part of you was happy, he was finally awake somewhat. But you were not done yet, you needed to heal him. You took that pool of energy that was inside of yourself and got to work. It was easy, you had done this so often, building up the flowers and letting them grow. Letting them heal.

It felt good. A warm excitement filled your consciousness, urging you on. There was no pain here. Usually when you expel your magic it weakened you. But this. This felt good. Like that ease in your muscles after a good walk.

You continued to build up the garden. You could feel Lyith everywhere. He could feel his strength returning as you worked. The burning fire had turned to a warm summer heat, perfect for growing.

“You know not what you do little one, I am well, you have to--” He let out a moan. Something within you stirred. He had told you to stop but you could feel him. Feel his mind and his truth. He didn’t want you to. He didn’t want you to stop. You pushed your mind further against him, like a cat rubbing their head against their owner. There was a building of the summer heat coursing through him, through you, and you wanted more.

You pushed at him, mushed your magic into his garden, totally invading his senses. All you wanted him to think about was you, feel you. And he did. The more magic you channeled into him, the more the excitement built, searing hot pleasure flooding all of your senses. You weren’t sure if it was his or yours. You wanted more. You pushed against him again. You didn’t stop, all you felt was pleasure mounting. Hot needy pleasure. The garden you had made was healed now. His magic was sturdy, strong, healthy. You had done it! You had healed him, and you were together and--

The pulsating, beating heat crescendoed and you cried out, he cried out, and then all you felt and all you two were was ecstasy.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you rode out your high. It was amazing, delicious and your body ached. Your body.. Slowly, your senses came back to you. You had a body. You could feel it now. Toes and fingers and eyes. You could see. And what you saw was Lyith under you, his beautiful eyes glazed over, drool trailing out of his mouth. His skin was hot under your fingertips. During your work you had straddled him. Your underwear was warm, wet, and you could feel a bulge pushing up against your clothed entrance. Your awareness finally pulled away from his and your mind was your own again.

Except it wasn’t wasn’t exactly yours anymore. You felt the ghost of a bond in the back of your head. A bond that trailed back to Lyith. You had done something that couldn’t be undone.

You felt Lyiths large sturdy hands squeeze your thighs. Affection and and loud, resilient devotion. You could taste it on the air, as you focused on it, it overwhelmed all your senses.

“My Queen. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He breathed out, his voice still ragged.

Queen?

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

You pulled back, pushing your body off of Lyith and against the wall of the cot. Your tired, sore body was weakening, as the realization of what you had just done crashed upon you.

“I… I only meant to heal you.”

Lyith looked at you with soft eyes, before pulling himself up to face you.

“And you did. You did it perfectly. But it worked a little too well. You shouldn’t have been able to do that. Not like this.” He reached forward and cradled your hands.

“But it happened.” He pulled your hands to cup his cheeks. He stared at you, his expression complicated. You knew if you pulled on the bond it would all be open to you, every little complicated emotion. There was a tickle in your mind. He wanted you to feel how he felt.

There was sadness, for causing you pain. Ache and relief, to finally have you, pride, to be able to call you his, and for you to call him yours. Bewilderment, that your power was such that you could ensnare him in such a way, and curiosity of how the two of you would maneuver through this. And there was an instinctual part, buzzing and excited to finally have a queen to serve, to breed-”

Okay that was probably a little too far! You pulled back enough for a bit of embarrassment to pass across his face. But he held your gaze. He had shown you all of his truth and you loved him for it.

“Well, this has been a really wild afternoon.” Rena said, loud enough to break up your scene.

The horror of realizing Rena had just witnessed everything and probably felt it too, made you choke on the air in your throat. Your already hot face charged up to a solar flare.

She was sitting down, leaning against the wall. A feral smirk on her face, both pairs of arms crossed around her chest. One finger was slowly, meaningfully tapping against her arm.

“Well, um-- you see-- it was an accident!” You sputtered, pulling away from Lyiths grasp to the end of the bed. You didn’t look at Lyith, only tried to explain the words of what happened but not finding them.

Rena suddenly stood up, her stance strong as she purposefully stalked towards your end of the bed. Her gaze was burning, a hungry smile on her face as she leaned down, and tilted your chin up with a black finger.

“Little One, only Queens can bond to a Bee-men like that. For a Human, we would have to spend weeks prepping you before you could even manage to attempt what you have done.”

She moved forward, putting both of her knees outside of yours, leaning over you with a fire in her eyes.

“I knew there was something different about you. I want to know what, and I want you to do that again.” Her bottom set of arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you flush to her. Her other hand gripped your shoulder.

Your heart was roaring now, and you looked to Lyith for help. He was watching with amusement, leaning back against the headboard wall of the cot. There wasn’t an ounce of jealousy in his features or his mind. Whatever was going on, he was definitely down for it.

You swallowed thickly.

“C-can’t we t-take a moment to think this over?”

She ignored you, her gaze straying to your lips. The hands at your waist started to roam, gently moving up and down, one wandered to the hem of your shirt, the other cupping the curve of your ass and rubbing through the fabric.

You tried not to let your arousal show, starting to tremble under her ministrations, as she watched you with her triumphant, molten gaze.

“Lyith may have been yours first, but I won’t let him have you to himself.” She leaned forward and gently bit down on the curve of your ear. Your breath hitched and you had to keep yourself from mewling.

“I’m yours too, you know?” She said this part gently, an earnestness made its way into your mind. It felt like how she smelled and you leaned into it.

If you were truly a Queen now, there was no going back. Things had changed since you had bonded with Lyith. Rena was someone you treasured too. She was arrogant and sweet, and she had always been kind in the ways that mattered.

Well. What was one more anyway? You thought, closing your eyes and leaning your body into Rena��s. She let out a triumphant trill, Then slowly started dragging her impossibly long textured tongue up your neck.

“I’m going to show you how we normally prepare a human queen.” She purred. Her arms moved to pull up your shirt as you felt the cot move under you. Lyith had moved from his spot from the end of the bed, and had situated himself behind you, his own arms curling around your hips, playing with the edges of your pants.

“While this looks very fun, I’m not the type to just sit and watch.” He sang out in a low voice. Rena huffed and rolled her eyes. But she continued to undress you, long fingers hitching around your bra and freeing your breasts. She leaned back and looked at them, purring the whole time.

Well. It looked like you were in for a long night.

Part Six (Beware NSFW)

#monster fucker #monster lover #monster #monster x reader #teratophillia #terat0philliac #bee hybrid #bee hybrids #bee hybrid × reader #bee hybrids x reader #monster smut #fantasy smut #monster fuqqer #monster fudger

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newbiespud · 2 days

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I'm sure it's been said before but I'll say it myself because why not

The game In Stars and Time makes for a revealing contrast to the movie Groundhog Day in how they treat their final time loop and how that reflects on the main character. (Even though, if I remember right, the dev largely wasn't aware of Groundhog Day when they came up with ISAT.)

Spoilers for both after the break, I guess.

In Groundhog Day, Phil starts out narcissistic and self-centered, has the realization that he can live life without consequences, gets depressed after having tried and done everything that he's got everyone and everything memorized so that nothing can delight and surprise him anymore, and finally escapes when he performs a loop that proves that a better, happier world is within his grasp to make, not something owed to him, and that he is happy with the life he has today, not always pining for his ambitions for the future.

In... In Stars and Time, Siffrin starts out deflecting and aloof, has the realization that they can do this perfectly - 'this' being not only the impossible challenge of defeating the King but navigating their relationships with their party - gets depressed after hitting wall after wall and repeatedly fumbling into faux pas after faux pas with their party, and finally escapes when they perform a loop where their true feelings come out, no matter how ugly, and they're honest about their own desires and wishes rather than trying to keep up an ideal façade.

Plenty of people have pointed out that In Stars and Time subverts the 'escaping on the perfect loop' time-loop trope that Groundhog Day largely codifies. Not only does the 'perfect' loop completely fail, Siffrin escapes on arguably the 'worst' loop, the one where they rightfully worry that they've hurt and alienated their loves ones forever and cannot escape those consequences anymore.

But I don't think this contrast is as direct as it seems, even though one could say that Phil got away scot-free compared to Siffrin and that In Stars and Time is the superior story for portraying a harsher outcome. (I do think that exploration and advancement of tropes is just inevitable and even healthy over time, and Groundhog Day came out in 1993 so of course it and the tropes it spawned deserve modern critique, but I digress.) I actually think that it reflects how both stories and the mechanics of their time loops are built around their main characters. (There's also something to be said about how genre shapes narrative since GD is an existential comedy and ISAT is an action-adventure focusing on interpersonal drama, but that's another digression.)

ISAT makes an impact on the whole time loop genre with its clever subversion, but like all the best subversive stories, it's couched in strong characters that embody its themes.

And to take a broader perspective, the best time loop stories are allegories for the real-life situation of making the same mistakes over and over again caused by your own deep-seated personality flaws, and being forced to finally confront your inner demons and overcome them and become a better, healthier person. (Relatable, much?)

Phil is a man who's never happy with his lot in life, so he needs to learn to find the eternal richness and beauty of what he has within his grasp, and that a better, happier life is something he can make for himself. Thus, he escapes on the 'best' loop.

Siffrin is a person who refuses to share their true feelings and problems with others to the point of self-destruction (and complete reinvention in one aspect), so they need to learn that no matter how ugly and twisted they think they are, being open and honest doesn't mean their loved ones will care about them any less, even when Siffrin is seen at their lowest point possible. Thus, they escape on the 'worst' loop.

It's not just clever subversion, it's holistic circular story structure!

...Though maybe I'm just drawn to these stories because I, too, would like some extra time to Figure Some Shit Out and have that time come with some superpowers along the way, even if it nearly destroys me in the process.

#isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #literary analysis #groundhog day #writing #story structure #I'm dead certain I'm not the first one to make this write-up #but I gotta get this outta my head you know how it is

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sherbertilluminated · 3 days

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Last night I was talking with my friends @teefigotem and @calypsopond about the pacing of the musical Les Miserables. I think Les Mis' libretto is one of the best foundations for a musical out there, but the first act has so much more plot and more iconic songs than the second, and I worry that top-heavy structure diminishes the ultimate impact of the uprising in the second act.

Caly and Maddy agreed that the 2012 film adaption had the right idea when it swapped the positions of "Do you Hear the People Sing" and "One day More." Transplanting the former to the beginning of Act 2 maintains the balance of revolutionary fervor (and iconic songs) between the two acts, and a serves as a payoff to the tension at the end of Act 1. While "Upon these Stones/Building the Barricade" begins Act 2 in the current libretto, it's high on exposition and low on enthusiasm. Since "Do You Hear the People Sing" has become an international revolutionary anthem, making it the opening of the uprising, rather than the prelude to it, builds on *ahem* that connection.

Just picture it: the audience returns to their seats, the orchestra hums with tension, and the lights go up on a somber street with a single voice—Enjolras, probably—singing. Students emerge from the set, workers join in, the turntable starts turning and it becomes clear that soon a barricade will be built in the street. The subsequent Marius/Eponine conversation that transitions into "On my Own" would still probably work here. In the span of fifteen minutes, the thesis statement of the revolting students turns into the reveal of the final barricade. It'd be pretty damn rousing, right?

The potential problem with this change is the lacuna it would leave behind. In the current structure of Les Miserables, "Do you Hear the People Sing" is an elaboration on Enjolras' claim that "they will come when we call!" and going directly from that rallying cry to a quiet romantic interlude flattens the rhetorical tension between romantic love and revolution "Red and Black" and makes Mairus seem a little silly (which, to be fair, he is. But Enjolras is not.) Although "Do You Hear the People Sing" is a little too bombastic for Act 1, before the uprising actually begins, there's still got to be some kind of transition. Something needs to foreshadow the violence to come. But what?

I proposed that the best transition would be a reprise of Stars. And that Eponine should get to sing it.

Since the Broadway premiere of the musical Les Miserables in 1987 and especially following the 2012 film adaptation, Eponine's character has been a locus for fandom attention and discourse. Because she's really compelling: despite being the daughter of the selfish, abusive Thenardier, she devotes her life to protecting Marius and ultimately sacrifices it for him. But the closest she ever gets to being understood is by the audience; even Marius, one of two people in the show to be kind to her (the other being Valjean), doesn't really understand the full extent of her devotion to him. And that devotion is powerful, whether as a proxy for audience members' own experiences with unrequited love or a representation of the bourgeousie's reliance on unacknowleged suffering. There's a lot going on with her in the musical. But there's even more to her in the Brick.

Unlike my esteemed Les Mis mutuals I'm definitely not informed enough to do original analysis, but I'm a big fan of the Javert/Eponine wolfdog theory. My introduction to it was with this post by @pilferingapples, although I don't know whether it originated somewhere else. The theory posits that Javert and Eponine, who are both compared to wolfish dogs for their ferocity and devotion to their idiosyncratic systems of morality, are character foils who represent the limited choices offered to people excluded from. I definitely don't know the op who suggested they trade methods of death (if anyone does, please let me know!) but that's also in the Brick. And while the musical adaptation doesn't preserve Hugo's canine/lupine symbolism, it keeps Eponine's one-sided committment to guarding Marius. And it keeps Javert's devotion to the institution of Law.

"Stars" is the hymn of that devotion. It's more sinister than Eponine's love for Marius, but in the grand scheme of things it's just as pathetic. Giving a short reprise of that song to Eponine not only explicates that parallel and gives new life to relatively-unused musical motif, it has the potential to tie together the action of the first act and add a new dimension to subsequent scenes.

Imagine if, instead of beginning "Do You Hear the People Sing" immediately after "Red and Black" or transitioning directly to the Rue Plumet, the scene changes to the outside of the ABC cafe. On the other side of the turntable/wall, Eponine is waiting. And worrying. She knows her father's going to rob a house tonight and that the girl Marius asked her to find lives there*. She can't let her father hurt him. She's smarter than him. She'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe, she swears—not to God or the stars, as Javert does, but to herself. The promise is shocking, because the audience heard that melody two songs ago and are just now discovering there is another way to be. There is another vow that can be made.

While she's singing, the ABC society files out the door. Maybe some hand out pamphlets or chat with people on the street. If the production wants to emphasize Eponine and Gavroche secret sibling bond, maybe they interact a little. But no one pays her too much mind. No one ever does.

The last person to emerge is Marius, looking a bit shaken. The timeline of the students' plans has been unexpectedly accelerated, he says. In case it's his last chance—nevermind why, 'Ponine, don't worry about me—he needs to see her once. You've found her, haven't you? Could you show me? Please? For my sake?

Consumed by shame and dread and the sense that he'll probably do something really stupid if she doesn't tag along, she agrees. And the stage begins to turn into the Rue Plumet, where "In my Life" begins. The whole interaction would take maybe two minutes.

There are of course thematic objections to this plan. There's the argument that "Stars" ought to be a unique, distinct song like "Bring Him Home." But those motifs are reused in instrumental form after Javert's and the students' respective deaths, so I don't necessarily think they're scene- or character-specific. There's also the argument that the melody of "Stars" is altogether too rigid for Eponine's character. I think there are a couple moments that would work quite well with the emotion("and if they fall as Lucifer fell," for example) but if you really don't want Javert's and Eponine's motif to cross, the melody of "A Little Fall of Rain" ("and you/I will keep me/you safe") could work for this moment too.

There's also the argument that Eponine already gets "too much" attention in the musical adaptation and doesn't need. But I don't know if that's true either. She interacts with Marius in several short scenes, she's present for "A Heart Full of Love" and "One Day More," she goes on her errand to Valjean, sings "On my Own," goes back to the barricade and dies shortly after. She gets about as much stagetime as Cosette does, and a little less than Marius.

It's true that she stands out as a character, but that's because she's got such interesting writing and is so isolated in the narrative. And while it's important to keep her "on [her] own," for the plot, using shared motifs to emphasize her symbolic similarities with other characters might make her character fit more cohesively into Les Miserables' grander thematic narrative. It could even make "On my Own" that much more powerful if she has a little hope that saving Marius from her father might get him to like her, and subsequently understands that this is not happening. But there's a lot more to her than being Marius' rejected best friend** and this choice has the potential to make that clear onstage.

In conclusion: moving "Do You Hear the People Sing" to the start of Act 2 letting Eponine do a wolfdog reprise of "Stars" between "Red and Black" and "In my Life" would be sick as fuck and maybe resolve some pacing issues in the libretto.

*There is a moment in the show where she realizes that she and Cosette grew up together. I like it in concept but it's a little awkwardly-placed and integrating it into the unnamed Red and Black/In my Life transition song would be great. Overall, her interactions with Marius seem like afterthoughts in between the larger numbers, which isn't fair to either of them.

**And for the record: this not a post pitting her against Cosette! They are both good characters and I wish the best for both of them!

#ok sherb time to list everything this theory is relevant to:#les miserables #les mis #musicals #eponine #javert #marius #red and black #do you hear the people sing #in my life #on my own #rhymes with thaumaturge #sherb's sub sub library

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thebluester2020 · 1 day

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[TWST] "In Another Reality"

Summary: After returning to your original world, you swore that you wouldn't miss anyone there. Especially a certain someone, yet despite the ache you get in your chest when you think about that world. You can't help but reminisce on the moment you fell in love with a draconic prince.

Warning(s): Angst, Yuu!Reader is in their original world, Inspired By Anastasia's "Once Upon A December", Wholesome, Fluff, Malleus being all princely in true Disney fashion.

Side Note(s): I love Leona but after seeing the absolute masterpieces that folks write for Malleus + just recently finishing Anastasia. I gotta throw my hat in the ring too 😔

Also, I struggled between titling this "Once Upon A Dream" or "Once Upon A December". I only went with the first option cause it fits the theme of this fic. 😔

How was it that you could miss a world that wasn't originally your own?

For the last week or so, since you had arrived back to your original world. You've been trying to figure out the answer to this question while also trying to get used to "normalcy" once again. No longer did you have a mouthy talking cat next to you at every turn, calling you "henchman" and practically clawing your leg whenever he wanted tuna. No longer did you hear the chiming of multiple bells across a large campus that was all boys, you were a tad bit unnerved by it at first but...then it simply became an everyday thing.

You had even missed the friends you had made there. Ace and Deuce were the first ones you thought of immediately when you arrived back home.

They were always there for you when the loneliness and longing for your old home grew too much, immediately, they would rush over to your dorm and stay with you until you were having too much fun to be sad anymore.

Oh, and despite the constant smell of mold and dampness. You missed Ramshackle Dorm strangely enough.

You welcomed the constant sounds more than the silence of your own room to be frank.

Grimm's quiet snores as he slept by your head aside, the walls of Ramshackle were often filled with the noises of the local ghosts that haunted the building. On some days, you'd hear laughter, other days the ghosts would argue and yell at one another for the most strangest of reasons. And other, more rarer times? They were silent.

But you enjoyed it when they made noise.

All of it combined into a unique lullaby that made you feel right at home and sometimes made you chuckle in your sleep at the antics they tried to keep down.

Yet...all of this dulled in comparison to the love you held in your heart, then and now, for the draconic prince Malleus. Perhaps it was cliche to say but you enjoyed everything about him, you enjoyed his fascination with gargoyles and his gentle nature. You enjoyed how sweet he was with you when it was just the two of you, how the tips of his ears would turn pink when you complimented him, how—you just missed him.

Even more so now that you remember that...you were supposed to go to a ball that he invited you to. One located in his homeland of Briar Valley, you remembered how you stressed to Grimm about how excited and nervous you were. You needed the best dress in the world if you were going to a ball that a prince personally invited you to!

A little late to feel bad.

A little late to be upset that you wouldn't be able to go but...that's what dreams were for, right? Imagining the impossible and wondering about what could've been. So, you did just that, imagine.

| Somewhere In Briar Valley... |

Your heart was threatening to beat out of your chest as you stood along the pathway that led up to the large mansion where the ball was being held. An intimidating structure made of dark stone, gargoyles stationed in front of the giant doors like unmoving guardians whilst the eerie windows, long vines and moss blanketing them halfway but not too much to where you weren't able to see the golden light that emitted from within.

Even from where you stood, being passed by all manner of fae-folk alike. You could hear the enchanting music, soft violins, and the haunting keys of the piano playing the lower notes. "Should I have even gone to this thing?" You murmured to yourself as you continued up the steps, the clacks of your heels only serving to make you more nervous as you held up your dress just enough to where you wouldn't accidentally trip and make a fool of yourself.

Even if the prince of this valley personally invited you. You still stuck out like a sore thumb!

A human walking up the way to a mansion where a ball was being held.

Briefly, even, you wondered if some type of cruel prank was being played on you by Malleus. Perhaps the second you stepped inside, you'd be greeted by everyone inside immediately staring at you and then laughing, would Malleus join in the laughter at your foolishness for thinking that you'd have the chance to dance with a prince? Would he call you out and even dare to make you say how excited you were to be invited—

No. No.

Malleus wouldn't ever think to do that you. The same man who loved to rant to you about the history of gargoyles and how they've been used throughout history, the same man who would flush at the tips of his ears when you gave him a compliment— "Y/N." A familiar voice called out for you at the top of the steps.

You couldn't help the smile that immediately came onto your face as you stopped to look at Malleus. Was it appropriate to bow to him at this moment? As the other fae-folk passed him by, they made sure to bow as they did so! "O-Oh!" You said before you bowed. Then, you felt a hand on your shoulder before you steadily looked up to see Malleus smiling at you.

"Please, don't."

"Everyone else is doing it," You said with a shy giggle. "It felt right."

The fae prince shook his head with a sigh before he offered his arm for you to loop your own with. "You are my honored guest for tonight, I personally invited you. I don't need you to bow to me."

You mentally rolled your eyes at how sweet he was being towards you, your mouth opening to retort back to him until...you immediately lost your train of thought once you were inside of the mansion. Although it reminded you of a mansion on the outside, it seemed like the entire inside of the building had been made specifically for ballroom dancing. The open floor was huge and appeared to be made out of gold (although you were certain it was just colored marble), with people of all manner of species and races dancing and spinning around! Farther out in front of you, to the right, the musicians was playing the music on a slightly heightened stage.

"Do I look alright?" You said as you looked down at yourself, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Malleus tilted his head at your question, as if the answer was obvious. "You look beautiful." He reassured you before leading you to a buffet table where all manners of drink and food were being served. You didn't know if you were oozing nervousness or not but...you appreciated him not immediately leading you to the dance floor and allowing you to adjust via stuffing your face with all of the delicious foods. "I am glad you accepted my invitation." Malleus commented as you took a bite of a frosted cookie, your eyes practically gaining stars in them at the taste.

After wiping your lips, however, you chuckled at the prince's words. "I would be stupid to decline." You laughed. "A personal invitation to a ball from a prince? Isn't that every person's dream more or less?"

"Had I known that such a thing was a goal for you, I would have done it sooner. These events happen often in the valley."

You blushed. "Well...thanks but, hopefully, you'll come with me? I mostly came because I wanted to hang out with you more." And tell you that I like you, is what you thought in the back of your mind as you watched Malleus' eyes widen before a handsome smile graced his features. You wanted to tell him that you liked him so badly that it nearly hurt you.

But all too often, you'd crush your confidence underneath a foot made of "What ifs?".

What if Crowley found a way for you to go home tomorrow?

What if Malleus didn't like you back?

What if he was engaged?! You knew that royalty had a tendency to do that, arranged marriages and all that. The last thing you wanted to do was accidentally cross a royal and make your life in this strange world even harder than what it already was from time to time! But...you were certain that, had Malleus had a fiance of some sort, he would have mentioned them. He would have brought them instead of you.

So you focused on your main worry.

Home.

You didn't know what would hurt you more. Telling him that you liked him and then promptly had to choose between going home or staying in this world with him or keeping your feelings close to your chest and constantly wondering about what ifs— "You're really in your thoughts today, aren't you? What's going on in your mind, perhaps I can alleviate them?"

You shook your head. "It's-It's nothing." You said before the lights suddenly dimmed.

"The slow dance is about to begin, shall we?" Without a moment of hesitancy, you took his offered hand before he led you to the middle of the dance floor.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm going based on the movies but...aren't slow dances supposed to happen later in the night?"

An embarrassed squeak escaped your lips as you felt the fae's other hand wrap around your waist, steadily pulling you in until the both of you were nearly chest to chest. And, he smelled good...like mint and spring rain mixed with a touch of something stronger. Yet, as Malleus smiled at your embarrassment, he did his best to avoid making you blush even harder for the sake of you. "It's late," He answered simply. "Fae parties, especially our balls, they start later in the night. More opportunity to see the stars and witness the fireflies at their most beautiful."

You felt a certain tinge in your chest at the words of "It's late".

You didn't want this night to end so soon.

"Well..." You licked your lips as you tried to find your words as Malleus took the lead in your dance, his hand tight around your own as he kept his eyes focused on you. "...I-I don't want this night to end so soon." You admitted.

"Neither do I," He admitted.

As if time froze...and maybe it was cliche to say but, it felt like it was just the two of you in the entire ballroom when he said that. All of a sudden, the music became a gentle buzz in the background and the people around you faded into meaningless blurs. Yet, it only enhanced the rapid beating in your chest as you mind waged war with itself about whether or not to confess your feelings here in the now or to continue to keep it to yourself.

You gulped. "M-Malleus."

"Yes?" God you wished he wouldn't smile like he did whenever you said his name, you wished his eyes wouldn't appear to brighten up like lights on a tree whilst gaining a look that...you thought was excitement, a certain expectancy of something in particular.

"How- S-Sorry if I'm such a bad dancer." Way to blow it brain. "I should've taken dance classes beforehand,"

He laughed quietly as his arm around your waist tightened ever so slightly as the two of you spun a couple of times before you fell back into a gentle two-step, back and forth, back and forth. "I think you're a fine dancer, perhaps not as experienced as myself but good." He joked.

"I don't think there's anyone in this world that can match your skill."

"I don't know," Your eyes widened a little when his face got closer to your own. You were certain he could see your face turning as red as an apple with how close he was. "I think you would be able to catch up to me in no time if...if you continued to remain by my side."

Was he...? "Malleus?"

Suddenly, the two of you stopped dancing, Malleus' hand falling from your waist to take up holding your other hand as he gained a pleading look in his eyes, one that you had never seen before. "Child of man, I would prefer you to be frank with me. Something is on your mind, please tell me."

As if a dam had suddenly been torn open, all the water had rushed out as you quickly found your ability to speak to the prince. "I like you—no, I love you. I know it." You blurted out.

"I...I don't know how long I'll remain in this world but, I wish I could've spent it with you. I never should have—"

"Y/N." He interrupted. "What are you—"

"I didn't get a chance to tell you that I liked you beforehand, I just wanted to do this before—" You looked at the clock that hung on a wall behind Malleus.

One minute before midnight.

One kiss. That's all you wanted and swore you forget everything about Twisted Wonderland, that you would move on with your life and never think about Malleus again. Just one kiss.

"Do you love me Malleus? If you do...please kiss me, please." You begged as tears began to brim your eyes. The prince's eyes were as wide as the moon that hung in the sky outside. But...he had wanted to kiss you since the moment he figured out what this emotion in his chest was, he had been waiting so patiently for you to admit your feelings towards him. So, despite his curiosity at how eager you were all of a sudden. He leaned towards you and—

You were awake.

Your eyes snapped open to look at the dark ceiling above your bed.

No ballroom music or dancing fae-folk around you. The taste of the cookies you had "eaten" just a few minutes earlier were suddenly gone and left your mouth feeling dry and parched. Before you had awoken, you could've sworn that you left a wisp of Malleus' lips on your own and...they felt like pillows upon your own. But, this cruel reality...to know that everything was only just a dream, a whisper of another reality you could have lived.

It hurt.

And all you could do now?

It was to cry yourself into a dreamless slumber.

#twst #twst yuu #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland fandom #twst fanfic #malleus draconia #twst malleus #twisted wonderland malleus #malleus x reader #malleus x yuu #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus twisted wonderland #malleus twst

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evilminji · 24 hours

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I Am? Still? Thinking?? Of My Hive Mind Crechelings Au? (Prev <-)

The Creepy Crechelings? My Fuuuuckin POSSESSED Lil Babies (absolutely affectionate and full of love)?

I CAN'T STOP, man. It's the SOFTEST and WARMEST Epilog? Just... fuck, I wanna cry. It's SO FULL OF LIGHT? So content and happy and "then... our Hero gets to REST. No more struggle. No more pain. Just golden sweetness and simple days."???

The Tragedy Of Darth Vader WAS, ultimately, utterly and completely, because Anakin Skywalker was a GOOD MAN.

Because the Dark took something GOOD and twisted it. Made it MONSTROUS. Killing his soul with ten thousand cuts of doubt and fear. Anger, arrogance, and unwarranted pride. He had COMPASSION. So much love in him he could barely stand to BREATHE.

The world BURNED for how great his Empathy, made the weight of all the universe's suffering, upon his shoulders.

He was GOOD. Could STILL be good. And? The Force DOES work in mysterious ways. It just needs... an in. Someone, ANYONE, to ask the right question. At ANY point. Because it CAN NOT push upon them the answers. Fix for them all life's woes. The Force is not a God... it simple IS. And though it wishes to help, loves them dearly, it can only OFFER what is ASKED for.

And, yes, there are loopholes. Visions and gifts it might give. Technicalities it might work off of. That gut feeling? Well... your INSTINCTS want you to survive. Surely THEY are asking? Are they not? "How do we survive?" They ask. Endlessly. So the Force may answer.

And SURELY, The Force knows, the you of 20 seconds from now, would ASK them to warn you not to eat that fruit. It is poison. That is definitely in line with what you would ask! It can see it. Because Time is simultaneous to the Force. Why, it can even use this to justify, too itself, the Visions! SOMEONE is asking! It can even tell you whom! And when!

It WON'T.

But it COULD.

Yet! Let us focus! Anikin Skywalker!

Do YOU remember how he was born? Oh, sure, we are all PASSINGLY familiar. Born to Shmi Skywalker. "No Father". Etc etc? BUT!!! Details MATTER! And in science? In HEALTH? "Spontaneous Baby" is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

How. What, SPECIFICALLY, made UP the spontaneous baby? From WHERE? Was it air? Energy? A clone? A hypothetical child of Shmi and some long dead individual she could not possibly have met?

These are important questions! Specifically, important to understand WHAT ANIKIN'S SPECIES IS. Cause "humanoid" is NOT a species! A race! Stewjoni and Naboolians are subtly different! Yes, both human variants. But that's the THING, isn't it?

They. Are. VARIANTS.

As in DIFFERENT. Divergent from one another. Perhaps not A LOT, but enough that their unique medical needs might be significant! Different environmental strains, different diets, different evolutionary paths for thousands of years. In SOME cases? They might no longer be COMPATIBLE anymore! Or barely! A tiger and a cat are both feline, but you'd be blind to mistake them as the same thing.

Then we have Anikin.

Who is haaaaalf??? What exactly?

Well, "The Force" according to research. By means of Sith meddling. But! And for the purpose of this ramble??

He is birth was "a work of the midi-chlorians".

.......let that sink in for a second. The Force channeling, HIVE MINDED, symbiotic micro organisms inside Shmi? Were instructed or guided to? Just take energy? Food and DNA. And... 3D print a baby into existence. They did, obviously, it was easy. But CONSIDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

It MEANS?

Anikin is HALF MIDI-CHLORIAN.

(At least in this AU.)

It's WHY he is so, SO fuckin desperate to connect. So ungodly powerful. So destabilized by not having "attachments". His brain is structured by organisms and half IS, of a sort, the sort of organism that REQUIRES an interconnected system. To offload the massive amount of sensory input the Force gives him. To regulate Big Emotions. To form councils and crunch through problems.

To get those good, good Soul Hugs.

Anikin? Not doing so hot. He's been SURROUNDED by what FEELS like a hive? But they keep EXCLUDING him and he doesn't have the words to explain why that upset him. Why he wants to crawl inside their brains an just... just hang. Not touch anything! Just... just nap! Maybe get a hug? P... Please?

Why does EVERYONE HATE HIM?!

But they don't. They just have different boundaries. Are NOT Hive Minds. THEIR Midi-chlorians? Are not at such a high concentration that it affects their thought patterns.

Unlike? The Creepy Crechelings.

Who absolutely doooooo. THEY are still in the We/Us phase. Boundaries? What Boundaries? We're crawling through each other's brains and on the ceiling! Full of light, love, and horrifying prophecy! Eating sand! Many thoughts, head full! We can taste TIME!!! :D

And it takes a SPECIAL breed of Creche Master with VERY strong shields to interact with them. Mind tricks are both accidental and daily. Poker face of kindness is a must. Good emotional regulation. So when one sees Anikin losing his shit again?

They sigh. Put down their muffin. And go deal with it.

Probably not even awake.

They just feel *Overwhelming Power* and hear upset noises and go "Ah, starting early, today is." Then wander over. And effortlessly defuse the situation. Flop their Force presence on Anikin like a weighted blanket. It would be UNSPEAKABLY rude and invasive to most anyone else? But Obi-Wan just...? Watchs his ex-padawan go BONELESS against this Crech Master he's never met? Like :O

T-teach me. Please, for the love of the Force, teach me to do that.

Next thing you know? They are talking, Obi-Wan getting a crash course in Super Powerful Younglings™ that honestly he should have gotten YEARS ago, but was run too ragged to. And Anikin? Blissed out, high as a kite, at the bottom of a Youngling pile. Mmmmm, lumpy pillow. We gonna sit and sleep and climb all over you, Master Skywalker.

*adoring, emotionally gooey voice* Okay.

He volunteers. Fuck it, he practically LIVES out of that Creche. Padme! Padme, we're adopting. He wants to be a stay at home dad. Build droids. Everything is Beautiful and nothing hurts. *war is still happening* ah. Shit. Right. THAT™.

Okay! New plan. AFTER the war. He has discovered his calling. Is suddenly bonding with Jedi he's never even talked to before. Is that Plo Koon? Plo! PLO! Hey, thanks for lending me that youngling development module! You got any others you recommend?

Him and Obi-Wan? Suddenly getting along better then they have in YEARS. His Master seems genuinely THRILLED he has a clear goal he's working towards and is supporting him ten thousand percent. Openly bragging. Consulting with him. AND? Is so much more OPEN! That Creche Master really helped him Understand how Anikin's brain works!

Which? Leads to Anikin getting healthier. More and more stable. The babies fuckin sneaking aboard. His Men LOSING THEIR SHIT because WHY ARE THERE TUBIES, SIR?! Babies! Infants! Smol, itty bitty, BABY CHILDS!!!???

And? On one hand? He has never felt so clear head and stable as when they are with him. Interconnected. US and WE and THE HIVE. The Force is With Us and We are The Force.

Buuuuuut on the OTHER hand? He is an adult. He CAN seperate what HE wants from what is good for his lil baby friends. This isn't safe. They could get HURT. Die! It... honestly? It makes him think about his mom a lot. He thinks he finally GETS it. Hates that he does. Is in AWE of how strong she was. Hopes he can take the lessons she taught him and live up to them.

Because it's not about what HE wants. It's about what's best for these kids.

They have to go back.

.....except the man he THOUGHT was his friend? THOUGHT was a GOOD MAN? Won't let them LEAVE THE FRONT LINES. Won't even authorize an emergency shuttle. There are vulnerable children. On the FRONT LINES. And Shee-...no. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, won't let them GET THEM TO SAFETY?

Is THIS what over a decade of friendship means to this man? Is THIS what his "sympathies" are truely WORTH? Empty words and no action? Saying what you want to hear then sitting in his fancy office while CHILDREN are shot at?

Anikin wants to put his fist through a durasteel WALL.

Through some careful maneuvering, some Ships on the way back are are able to pick up the VERY In Trouble kiddos. It'll be about five ship hops. But they'll get there. And in the mean time? The entire GAR now knows where the Chancellor's priorities lay.

But? What to do, what to do? The kiddos are GONE! Anikin's head is gonna start getting crowded. Fuzzy. Crushed up and too small! He literally, physically, NEEDS people. For his mental and ultimately physical health!

"Well... you DID say Midi-chlorians are in every living thing, didn't you? It's just that most Sentients don't have enough to reach the threshold of Force Sensitive. Right?" Says Anikin's medic.

Anikin raises a finger. Opens his mouth to respond.

Considers this genuinely.

Puts DOWN his finger and closes his mouth. Nods. Yes. Yes, they DO. Why? Where exactly are you going with this? Medic taps a message to the GAR in ship message board. Please. You know EXACTLY where he's going with this.

Yeah.

Yeah, Anikin does.

And the Vode? Gotta admit. Having their General curled up like a comm system in the back of their brains? Kiiiiinda weird at first. But he's not? Actually? Touching anything? It's kinda like having someone follow you around, hanging off your shoulders in a hug. Because they feel needy and desperately need the contact. Little awkward? Yeah.

But we move on.

And the General respects boundaries. Politely pulls back and out/away when they want "personal" time. Something he had practice doing cause he's in a relationship. And there are Thoughts and Feelings you DO NOT want to share with younglings. It apparently helped him learn to shield. Quickly. Very, VERY quickly.

They only laugh at him a little bit.

He imagines throwing pillow blocks at them.

But THEN? One of them gets a head wound. Nothing to terrible. But bad enough that the midi-chlorians flow up to the area, to help speed up and properly regulate the healing. Because their's have become more active. Not STRONGER mind you. Just... more ACTIVE.

And they can fucking FEEL their General mentally screech to a full stop. Perfectly, utterly, FURIOUSLY Blank. Like the dead silence before the blaster bolts start flying. Like just after the flash but before the blast hits. A terrible, TERRIBLE silence.

Something is Wrong.

"What Is That?"

What is... WHAT? Sir?

And then things move very, very quickly. All things possible, through the Force. A baby created. Chips UN-created. It really is? Just directing the Midi-chlorians all ready THERE to do what you want them too. Offering up some extra energy, if needed. A Leader to guide the hive.

One deep enough meditation, reaching though-out "HIS" sprawling body? Really, what is the difference between purging a chip from your thigh in THIS body? And being over there? Or over there? What are "walls" or "distance" or this silly concept of "other"?

We Are One With The Force, And The Force Is One With US.

He is every Vode on the Ship. He is Anikin Skywalker. He was a Slave. But now? NOW both he and they and US? Are FREE. He will suffer no slaves in his presence. No more chips or collars with bombs. Time to free the others. Free everyone. Demand ANSWERS.

And they do.

The epilog? Oh THAT I can not stop thinking of.

Padme in the senate. Fierce and accomplished. A storied carrier fighting for the people of the galaxy. Anikin a Creche Master for the POWERFUL kiddos. The strange ones who need someone sturdy.

Who can handle their Us/We phase with grace. Who learns and grows, honors and remembers Shmi Skywalker every time one of them one of them starts to pull away. Starts to develop boundaries. Barriers. Starts to want to be their OWN person. Has not just grown strong in shielding but old enough to develop a defined personality, seperate from their friends.

The twins growing up with a whole Creche of siblings. Because their parents LIVE at the temple. Their mother works at the senate! They wave bye-bye every morning. And spend the day with dad. Not separated, not quite living with them fully either. Not after infancy at least. But the Order is changing.

Vode everywhere. Kids born of Jedi. The Corps withdrawn back to the temple to help handle the influx. Lots of debates about Tradition and Change that Anikin care not a lick about. HE'S taking his Crechelings to the Naboolian Embassy's Spring Festival. Does everyone remember how to be polite? Say "hello"! *various smol children chorus Hello in Naboolian, badly but very earnestly*

Just? Field trips. Droids and Vode dropping by to say hello. Padme being the LION of the senate while her retired kindergarten tearcher equivalent, war hero husband cheers. Adorable but freaky children popping out of the vents. Anikin treating his tiny squad of Tiny Anti-christ Acting Babies as though this were TOTALLY NORMAL and just how children act.

SOFT AND FLUFFY EPILOG~☆

@legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @hypewinter @hdgnj @spidori @tiredafel

#minji's writing #Creche Master Anikin Skywalker AU #possessed Crechelings au #hive mind Anikin Skywalker au #star wars #star wars prompt #the clone wars #soft epilog #long post #anikin skywalker

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autistichalsin · 15 hours

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And again:

The death penalty should not exist.

Not just because of the risk of innocent people being killed wrongfully, though yes, that is a part of it. But guilty people shouldn't die either.

Yes, that includes those ones. The ones who did the worst crimes imaginable, who harmed children, who killed innocent people- them, too.

Why?

Because no one has the right to kill another human being, and two wrongs don't make a right.

Because the instant you give a government entity the authority to determine who is and isn't worthy of life, you have already handed them the framework to get rid of undesirables. As we're seeing now the "pedophiles deserve the death penalty -> LGBT people existing next to children is pedophilia" pipeline.

Because if your government can kill you, they already have too much power over you.

Because the death penalty does nothing to actually deter crimes, and some studies suggest it might actually make the rates of violent crime increase.

Because our tax dollars shouldn't go to depriving people of their lives.

Because the only method of execution that comes close to being humane is lethal injection, and even that has a high failure rates as well as requiring medical professionals to break their respective ethical codes; in fact, pharmacists have started refusing to provide various DOJs with murder euthanasia cocktails precisely precisely because this goes against the principles of "do no harm."

Because it usually takes 20 years from sentencing to execution, and that constitutes psychological warfare/torture on prisoners.

Because there is nothing a death sentence will "accomplish" that can't also be done by a life sentence, minus the ultimate cruelty and power-trip for government officials and cops/wardens/etc. If the goal is punishment, deprivation of freedom already does that, let alone the rest of the mistreatment prisoners face. If the goal is sequestering from society, that is literally the definition of imprisonment.

Because, this bears repeating, if the government can kill you, they already have too much power over you.

Because forensic science is nowhere near as perfect as people want you to believe.

Because even when it is proven that there is sufficient cause to release an innocent person, those in power still will (as we saw today with Marcellus Williams) do everything in their power to murder them anyway for the sheer power-high.

Because it is better to let 100 guilty men go free than it is to convict one innocent one.

Because there are huge inequities in who gets the death penalty. Racism is baked into the entire "criminal justice" structure, and capital punishment is no different.

Because, by definition, anyone willing to execute another person is the last person who should be given the power to do so.

Because, it bears repeating, once you introduce a framework to remove undesirables from society, it will be expanded at the first opportunity.

Because the death penalty is, by definition, cruel and unusual punishment.

Because the death penalty is often carried out on innocent people (like Marcellus Williams) who have been wrongfully convicted as a way of silencing them and ensuring they can't file a wrongful imprisonment suit against the state.

Because the existence of a death penalty gives people who committed a single violent crime a motive to do more; if they're already going to die, why not take more people out with them?

Because the entire mindset of death being an acceptable punishment filters down into day-to-day life and encourages proliferation of distancing, dehumanizing language against people some don't dislike, which is part of the reason why so many teenagers have no problem saying "kill yourself" to others.

Because there is no accountability in the prison system for how those on death row are treated, and any abuse inflicted on these prisoners in their last days will never come to light.

Because it is wrong. If a private citizen can't kill another person, who can a private citizen employed by and acting on behalf of the government do it?

Because, it bears repeating, if your government has the power to kill you, they already have too much power.

There are zero good reasons to support the death penalty, and hundreds of good reasons not to.

#death penalty #Marcellus Williams #anti death penalty #capital punishment #anti capital punishment #human rights

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misguidedasgardian · 2 days

Text

I want to teal the bride (6)

6. Haunted castles, freaking trees.

MASTERLIST

Summary: The last shot

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x BestFriend!Reader

Warnings: cursing, use of “stereotypes”, scottish costumes and practices passed by “Northeners” customs, we are going to kiss many strangers in this chapter, also a tradition,

Aemond wants to steal the bride, so I will put in cheating, dub-con touching (on Aemond by someone else), people drinking heavily, might miss some warnings, but you know what this is about

Wordcount: 7.7 k

Notes: Sorry for the delay, I have all the structure on this one, so it's easy to write! the best part? this is helping me get back into the HOTD fandom, because I’m trying to take the characters but not the awful storyline of the story! so this is helping me get back on the hotd train!

Aegon fanned Aemond’s face as it was clear that the heat was getting to his brother, as he tried to keep everything on him and together, he had his passport and boarding pass in one hand, his man purse in the other as he was trying to grab onto his carry on. As all his friends around him were trying to help him in the entrance to the departure part of the airport.

“What about the dresses?”, Aemond asked Addam

“WPS is delivering them tomorrow morning, I gave you the tracking number”, he said sympathetically, fixing the strap on his man purse that had fallen off, the leather threatening to touch the ground.

“I got it, I got it, I got it!”, said Aemond as he was getting more overwhelmed despite his friends’ efforts to help him

“Alright, when you get up there, there is going to be special transport to take you to the Stark’s state, where (y/n) will be waiting for you”, said Criston. The entire of that sentence didn’t pleased Aemond at all, but he nodded

“Okay, great”, he said, finally getting it together, he didn’t know how the ladies did it. Aegon then passed him his coffee and all the balance he had manage to have, went out the window

Aegon went back to Criston’s jeep and took out his own bag

“What are you doing?”, asked Aemond

“You don’t think I was going to let you go alone to the most important mission of your life, right?”, he asked with a wicked smiled, and when Aemond looked around his group of friends he realized they were all in on it

“(y/n) is going to freak if you crash her wedding”, warned Aemond

“Hey, we go way back, she told me it was cool”, he said simply. Aemond nodded. “Let’s bring your girl back home”, he said with a cheeky smile.

“Go get them, maid of honor!”, chanted Addam

“Yeah!”, chanted Criston, who was living the saying, “if you can’t beat them, join them”

“Make this the perfect wedding… And steal the bride!”, said Adam

“Thanks, guys”, said Aemond with a little smile, and the four of them all hugged tightly, “Thanks for everything, man”, muttered Aemond to Addam’s ear

And with the help of several small liquor bottles and a sleeping pill for Aegon, and good headphones and his notebook filled with notes for Aemond, they managed to pull through the flight without bigger complications.

The rest of the bridesmaids were on the flight too, Aemond just say hello and was thankful that Aegon didn’t notice them until they landed and he looked like a mess with his sleeping mask around his forehead like an idiot, and his dragon shaped sleeping pillow around his neck.

They took the big van together, alongside a part of the bridal party, they didn’t even go into the city, taking an alternative highway, just giving them the main idea of what the capital of the north looked like.

The scenery was beautiful, kilometers of golden tundra, enchanted looking forests, big rivers, a mountain range decorating the horizon, it was breathtaking.

“Wow, this is like a fairy tale”, admired Walda looking through the window with her big eyes. “(Y/N) is so lucky”, she sighed dreamily

“I know”, said Baela, “I wish I was her”, she whispered

“I thought things with Jacaerys were going great”, asked Wlada

“They are, but he doesn’t own a castle in the north!”, she giggled, and they all giggled with her

“We'll come visit her”, said Cersei, keeping her composure, looking around with a pleased smile on her face

“I know”, said Baela, grabbing the blonde’s hand in hers and squeezing. “All the time”. But then all of a sudden, like mixing with the surroundings, stood a huge dark stone castle, it was the biggest castle Aemond had ever seen, even bigger than the Red Keep.

“That's his house!?”, asked Aegon, taking out his sunglasses and placing them on its head

“No. I think this is the summer house?”, asked Walda, Aegon shared looks with Aemond

“The Starks have homes for each season”, said the driver, “This summer home is the smallest. They also have an autumn home, winter home, spring…”

“I know the seasons, buddy”, interrupted Aemond

“Somebody's richer than you, Aemond, I guess you gotta go invent something even stupider”, mocked Cersei

“The entire castle was actually built in 3987 before the conquest”, kept saying Theon

“This is incredible, isn't it?”, asked Cersei when she got off the van and into the beautiful stone entrance. Aegon looked between the castle with admiration and his brother with fear, but anyways, he was happy to be here.

Also, from the other car, got out your mother and grandmother, Aemond tried to get to them, but Cregan was quick to help your grandmother Pearl, as she nodded, enchanted by his Northerner charm.

And there you were, waiting by a small army of staff, with a wide smile and open arms to receive your friends, Aemond was last, but he held you tight, kissing you in the corner of your mouth lovingly.

“I’m so glad you are here!”, you said excitedly, you looked so happy, and Aemond wanted to believe that it was because you were receiving your friends, and nothing else. “Aegon! so happy you crashed my wedding!”, you said happily, hugging him tightly, what was one more, right?

Cregan greeted him as well with a handshake and a hug, and then he led them all inside of the huge castle

“This castle has been in my family for generations…”, Aemond only rolled his good eye as he listened to him mumble

“Grandma Pearl, Joan, this is my mother, Gilliane and my father, Rickon”, he said, as Aemond noticed than in a big hall that might as well be a two story tall living room, where Cregan’s family, waiting to receive them

“How do you do?”

“How do you do?”, greeting flied there and there

“Nice to meet you, Joan”, greeted the severe looking guy, Rickon

“Nice to meet you. Welcome”, greeted Gilliane

“Everyone”, Cregan called the attention of everyone in the room, “I want you to meet someone who is special to my (Y/N) and has been a lifelong friend, and now her maid of honor: Aemond”, he said proudly, raising his cup. Aemond smiled awkwardly, as suddenly all the eyes of the room were on him.

“Yes”, he mumbled, nodding

“Did he just say he's the maid of honor? He's a bloke”, Rickon Stark whispered to his wife Gilliane, she just shrugged

“How do you do?”, he greeted both with a tense smile

“Very good, thank you”

“RIckon”, presented the man

“Rickon, pleasure”

“Thank you.”

“Definitely gay”, Rickon whispered in his wife’s ear. You could hear Aegon’s laugh at that.

There was also the family of Gilliane, the Boltons there, and some family on the side of RIckon, his brother Ned, and his family as well.

“Oh, and these are the bridesmaids: Walda, Baela and Cersei”, Cregan presented to his parents

“How do you do?”, greeted Baela

“Oh, hello”, greeted Gilliane

“Hi”, greeted Walda

“Nice that you could come”, greeted Rickon

“How do you do?”, greeted Gilliane

“So, what do you think?”, you asked Aemond as you finally had him by your side

“I think they think I'm gay”, he answered, who had clearly heard Rickon Stark

“What?”, you giggled

“Listen, can we get together? Talk, catch up?”, asked Aemond, you were going to answer, but you were interrupted

“Aemond, do you wanna see your chamber?”, asked Cregan, smiling at him.

“Oh, love to. Thank you”, he said, looking at you asking for help, but you didn’t ‘help’ him as Cregan dragged him away

“Follow me”

“So… (y/n)”, called Aegon wrapping his arm around your shoulders, you smiled at him, “are you really going to move to this icy tundra?”, he asked, you frowned

“I think so, yeah”, you said simply

“You know a castle this old must be hunted”, he said then, “are you ready to live in a haunted castle?”, he asked, you looked at him and giggled, he was clearly joking.

“I think I can handle it”, you said, and then you left him with an apologetic look and went to mingle with your future family by law.

Aegon took out of his pocket his small notepad, and a small pencil, scratching “haunted castle”, out of his ‘reasons’ for you not to marry this northerner prick.

“Right, onto the next… northerner food sucks”, he said proudly.

The introductions had gone well, you believed. You were terribly nervous, not only because of your friends, but because of your family as well. But they all seemed to get along just fine. At least that's what Cregan told you when he kissed you goodnight.

Cregan haven't ‘touched’ you since you arrived at Winterfell, in King’s Landing he seemed he wasn’t able to keep his hands to himself, but now that you weren on this millinery castle, he seemed to be more reserved, like he was trying you, he made you feel like some sort of horny slut, so each night he would kiss your temple at the door of your room and then he would go, and let you to fend for yourself in this cold room.

But now your friends are here, and the thought made you feel better, you had a big day ahead, and with that on your mind, you went to sleep.

As a future bride of a very important Northerner family, you had to put up with many traditions of the ancient house Stark, it was fine by you, it was, you knew what you were getting into… but you never expected this.

You started coughing as the hair dressed bathed you in setting spray,a after fixing your hair in a very northerner fashion

“Thank you”, said Gillaine, but she just wouldn’t stop, you couldn’t even see, “thank you!”, she said, grabbing the spray and throwing it across the room, the poor hairdresser just nodded at her.

“Now, then”, she said, fixing your hair, “I think just a few more sprigs of gypsophila at the front there”, she indicated, placing little flowers on top of your forehead. “Lovely” she said once she was content.

You didn’t like it, not one bit, and it got worse when you looked at your friend’s reactions through the mirror.

“What do you guys think?”, you asked, hopefully

“Oh, it is gorgeous”, Baela jumped first

“You look amazing”, said Cersei, nodding with her solemn face

“It is so pretty”, offered Walda, and she is the only one who seemed sincere. “With the veil… it’s going to look great”, she said, and that did make you feel better.

Like you were saying, you didn't want to fight your future family for this, you wanted to be pliant, but this wasn’t like you at all, you just hoped that Cregan would appreciate it.

“It's so shiny, it's gorgeous”, compliments kept flying but Aemond stood there, without saying a word.

“What do you think?”, you asked him, finally waking him up from his stupor

“Of?”, he asked

“The hair”, you clarified.

“Yeah, it, um…”, oh he hated it

The nice lady who was helping you with the hair pulled you away to help you get in your dress, so she wasn’t only a hairdresser, interesting.

They all helped you get in a puffy dress, and when it was done, a woman put a sash around you, with the colors gray, soft old green, black and white.

“This sash will go on the dress”, said Gillaine, taking the job of fixing it around you herself.

“Really?”, you asked her

“Tradition”, she said simply

In the meantime, Baela grabbed Aemond who looked completely horrified as he watched you try that awful looking dress, sash and hair-do

“What's up with the hair?”, he asked Baela, but Cersei came in, who pinched him in the arm aggressively, making him whine, “Well, I'm not entirely sure that…”

“You're the maid of honor. It's good to just be supportive…”, encouraged Baela with a look that wasn’t at all so encouraging, she looked like she wanted to kill him.

“I'm supportive”, he defended

“I don't think you are”, came in Cersei.

“I think I am”, he said back

“No, listen to me”, she said, “this is hard for her as well but this are traditions of the family she is marrying into, and we would be helping her a lot making those decisions more easily for her to make”, she said with greeted teeth, “got it?”, she asked, threatening to pinch him again

“Yes! got it!”, he said quickly. Then the four of them turned to you, who were looking back at them with hope in your beautiful eyes, only you could make all that tragedy look beautiful

“You're doing great, you're doing great”, he assured, and only that could pull a smile on your face. Aemond called your name and you turned to him expectantly. “Actually, you know?, your hair looks amazing”, he said gently, gods he was a good lair.

“Really?”, you asked him

“Yes”, he said, nodding solemnly, and you smiled, now more reassuring.

The door to the small chamber opened, and a woman appeared with her hands full of beautiful looking fabrics

“Oh, the games will be starting soon!”, said Gilliane, “here are your costumes”

“Games?”, asked Aemond, but his voice was drowned by your friends’ excitement

“Costumes!”, chanted Baela

“Costumes?”, asked Aemond again, “what do you mean "games"?”, asked Aemond to Gilliane

“Oh, the Northerner Games dear!”, she said simply, “It's a tradition in honor of the wedding, it goes right back to the time when the groom had to prove that he was man enough to deserve the bride, If he didn't win, he didn't get the bride”, she said proudly, “No problem for my Cregan though”, she said simply.

Alright, he could do it, he never had trouble with this sort of thing.

So the afternoon found you in a big valley, filled to the brim with people. You were wearing a long dress, it was more of a costume, as it was something the ladies would have worn five hundred years ago. You were even wearing a headdress.

“Welcome, one and all, to the Northerner Games!”, a voice with a thick accent could be heard through speakers, “men have traveled from all four corners of this great country to compete in feats of strength and agility! But only one warrior will be man enough to claim the bride! One competitor who needs no introduction is our very own Cregan Stark!”, all around the grounds the people cheered, as you did, who were sitting on wooden bleachers

“Doesn't my Cregan look handsome?”, Gilliaine asked you, you nodded. All the men were wearing traditional northerner clothes, kilts, being a part of said outfits.

“Yes”, you said dreamly, you never thought a man wearing a skirt could look so manly, but there he was. And then there was Aemond.

You opened your mouth in shock when you saw him

“Coming up the rear, all the way from King’s Landing, (Y/N)'s maid of honor... Aemond, who, I think you'll all agree, is wearing a rather fetching wee minikilt!”, a man said out loud, he was indeed wearing what you would consider a miniskirt.

“Who was in charge of that?”, you asked, horrified, as all the men women and children present in the games were laughing at him.

“I have no idea”, said Cersei with a smirk

Aegon on the other hand, was having the time of his life in a kilt with the colors of his own southerner house, with a black background and red and golden lines. and a white button up shirt and leather jacket, and he had his sunglasses on, and of course he was getting the looks of all the ladies there as they presented him.

“And the games begun!”

It was mainly a show of strength, throwing things, pulling things… and with the hilarious comments of a local man with a microphone.

First they had to throw a metal block over a tall hurdle.

Aegon comically lost all the games he participated in, but he did with such gusto, that everyone just cheered him on, he was stealing the show

“Yeah, you're sexy!”, someone shouted, you believed it was Baela, as he flexed his almost non existing muscles to the crowd

“Everybody giving their all!”, said the presenter, Cregan’s uncle Ned Stark, as the competition this time was using a bow and an arrow. And the one who managed to land three arrows near the center was the winner.

Aemond was a little rusty, but he defended himself quite nicely, but again, Cregan proved to be unbeatable as he landed the three arrows in the smaller red circle in the center

“And as we are heading to the third competition, we're running neck and neck! A Northerner against a Southerner!”

It was a long, long day.

Aegon lost quite easily, but he was now being comforted by three Northerner ladies who were congratulating him on his performance.

And the rest of the games? let’s just say it was the longest day in Aemond’s life

He had done everything they asked of him, he pulled a rope accompanied by four other men against Cregan’s best five.

He climbed a huge log with only the use of his hands and legs, he was sure the eternity of the North had seen his underwear. He threw a huge cannon ball across the green field… and many, many others.

Most of the men had withdrawn from the race already, but not him, oh no, not him, he couldn’t, he needed to prove, to all these northerners, and to you, that he was “man enough”, to marry you, yes, he needed to prove that.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the result of today's Winterfell Games rests upon the caber toss!”, finally, the final test, he thought, as he wiped sweat from his brow

He might be the outsider, he might be wearing a ridiculously short kilt, but he was still in the competition, and he was going to prove how deserving he was.

“The competition is down to two competitors! Aemond! and Cregan!”

But oh fuck is this wasn’t the icing of the cake, when Aemond finally realised what he had to do to prove himself.

“A tree? We're tossing a tree?”, asked Aemond, who could barely get his breath on check

“Yeah”, said Cregan happily, and Aemond cursed him hard on his mind, because again, he wasn’t even trying! He was giving his best in trying to compete against Cregan, but he didn’t even see him as a competitor, and it wasn’t even mean about it, he just didn’t care, he was nice like that.

Cregan grabbed the three, with effort, he could see that, but then he took two strong steps and threw the damn thing across the field, that thing took two tumbles, making it like 20 meters.

“What a toss!”, congratulated the presenter, “What a toss! Way to go, Cregan!”

He saw with discouragement how all the ladies of the bleachers, including you, were chanting Cregan’s name with excitement.

But they were going to be chanting his in no time, he knew it.

“He's strong!”, teased Cersei to your ear, you just nodded excitedly, you had already seen what those arms could do, and it looked promising.

“Well, then, Aemond! Let's see what you're made of! The whole competition rests on this throw”, said Ned with excitement.

He was possibly petrified at the very thought.

But this was it

“Look alive, lassie!”, he said someone called for him.

“Come on, Aemond!”, oh finally, that was your sweet voice! calling his name, he had to make this throw! he had to!

“Okay, I can do this. I can do this”, he chanted as a mantra, if he could throw this tree, this huge log, then he could confess to you his love, he could. Two men passed him the log, and he grabbed it as he could.

He had to grab it by the base, that way he was going to throw it more easily, he knew it, but gods if that was hard to do!

“Okay, here we go!”

He stumbled, the shit was heavy, very heavy, he stumbled once more as all the voices around him got quiet all of a sudden

“COME ON AEMOND YOU CAN DO IT!”, he heard the voice of his brother Aegon, cheering him on

“Okay. Okay, okay. I got it.”, he said, more to himself, this might as well be the hardest thing he had ever done

“Here we go!”, the presenter said as he started to take more determined steps, to get momentum to throw the log, “HERE WE GO!”, he heard, excitedly.

he did as he could, he did, he threw it will all his might, with all his determination

The log flew through the air. But Aemond had stumbled a bit before he released it, so all the people there gathered to watch in horror as the log landed on top of a car.

A freaking car!

It completely destroyed it

“Oh, dear. That's gonna cost the Southerner the girl”, he said through the speakers.

“What an ass!”, mocked Cersei

And just like that… he lost the freaking games, he looked back at you with fear in his eyes and you looked completely surprised at the sudden turn of events.

“And the winner of the Wintertown Games is our very own Cregan Stark!”, called the presenter, and again, everyone cheered, his friends came in to hug him, and congratulated him. But Cregan ran to you, to get a sweet kiss from your lips which you happily gave him.

That certainly deter Aemond’s spirit significantly

That very night, you were having dinner at the great hall back in Winterfell castle.

Cregan stood up, and sang, he actually sang to you, and to all the guests of the wedding, he had a beautiful deep voice, and the song he chose was more of a poem, but it was stunning nonetheless. As he finished, he looked at you, and kissed you softly on the lips

“Well done, my boy”, said Gillaine with a soft voice as the rest of his family threw praises left and right

Is there anything he wasn’t good at? thought Aemond sulkily from his seat, hiding his disgust in his cup of wine.

“Robert Burns, who wrote that song, is Winterfell's most famous poet”, Cregan said to you, you just smiled at him in thanks for this beautiful song he had dedicated to you

“So Cregan”, asked his aunt from the other side of the table, “when are you going to graze us with children, uh?”, she asked, looking at you

“Well, (Y/N) wants to wait a few years first”, he said softly, surrounding your shoulders with his thick arm

“Why? she is not getting any younger!”, you almost spilled your drink, “and you know, how you should name him once he is born”, you didn't know what to say to all of that, but Cregan could sense your tension

“No, no, auntie, we haven't had any children yet, so we haven't got any names”, he said softly, and you appreciated that, but you didn’t like the direction the conversation was taking.

“Athol”, the woman said to you, taking you a-back, this she just called you an asshole?

“Excuse me?”, you asked her

“It's a name for the children”, said Cregan quickly

“Athol”, the woman repeated, and you looked at Cregan horrified, he couldn’t mean that, could he? It sounded like an asshole!

“Yeah, no, we won't be naming our child Athol”, you said quickly, “maybe when he's a teenager”, you offered, Cregan laughed by your side, but you could tell he was faking it.

“My mother's cousin was the Duke of Athol”, said Cregan’s aunt, “We're a long line of Athols”, yes they were.

You were feeling overwhelmed, you got no say in your hair, or your dress, or the sash, or the traditions, and apparently, not the name of your own child.

But as you looked at Cregan, he was worth it, he was the sweetest man you had met…

But gods, why the name for the children?

“Well, maybe... maybe we'll keep it in the mix, eh?”, Cregan asked you, “Maybe as a middle name?”, you didn't know if he was being serious or not, but you just nodded, not very much enthusiastic

“So, (Y/N), do you like the venison?”, Gilliane asked you over Cregan. And you were just thankful the topic had changed

“It's delicious”, you offered

“Cregan shot it. He's a wonderful shot”, she said with a smile, and you were petrified

“Oh, stop, mom, you'll make me blush”, muttered Cregan

“And this is the moment, I've just remembered”, she said, taking out his phone

“What moment's that?”, you asked her, as she pulled her phone to you

“When Cregan killed the deer, I filmed it”, you jumped when a shot rang through the speakers, “Right between the eyes”, oh right you saw it happening on the screen, “In fact, everything we are eating this evening, Cregan has killed!”, she announced to everyone at the table, and they all seemed fascinated

“Cregan!”, called Rickon, raising his glass

“To Cregan!”, they all echoed, raising their own glasses

“In your honor, (Y/N)”, Cregan said lovingly, and you wished you could be honored, but you were horrified.

“That is so thoughtful”, you said with a wide smile, placing a hand on your chest, “I'm so sorry I didn't kill anything for you”, you offered, Cregan only chuckled.

The desserts were being served, interrupting you once again

“Oh, gosh. What did you get?”, you asked him lovingly, and you looked with a smile as Cregan got a slice of chocolate cake.“Oh, I love chocolate!”, you took your fork as you intended on taking a piece of his place. But to your horror, he stopped you

“Don't... Don't do that”, he said, and you froze on your spot, “If you want some…”, he said, grabbing a tiny bit with his own fork, and placed it on a plate between the two of you. “Here, give you some. Okay?”, you pouted

Aemond couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

He wasn’t even relieved anymore, because his job was getting easier, he couldn’t believe this dude!

After that messy dinner, you all got your drinks at the next room, a cart filled with bottles of the distillery, a hunting room by the looks of it. The thing was filled with stuffed animals and heads of deers on the walls, hunting trophies.

Aemond and Aegon looked at the room with interesting look on his faces

“Look nothing happened when I told her about the haunted castle, that didn’t work, so… I’ll keep trying”, Aemond just looked at his brother wondering how more dumb he could get, but then he just nodded. His eyes then found you, who was being boarded by your future father in law and his brother.

“Go save her”, said Aegon, Aemond nodded and went straight for you

“Excuse me”, he said as he passed by members of Cregan’s family, getting to you, “Hi”, he greeted, the men just nodded, acknowledging him, “A wonderful dinner, by the way”, said Aemond

“Delighted, Aemond”, muttered Rickon

“And your wife is looking for you”, he said quickly.

“Oh, thank you very much”, he said, and the patriarch of house Stark finally left you alone to look for his wife, his brother following in tow.

“Nice one”, you said, he smirked

“Cheers”, you clink your glass with his, and then downing your scotch

“A little birdie tells me Cregan personally slayed each one of these reindeer heads”, he said, looking around the room

“Aemond”, you warned

“You're right… When I say a little birdie told me, he would've told me, but Cregan shot it”, he mocked. You were not commenting on it, so he changed the subject, “Listen, seriously. Can we go somewhere private and talk? It's important”

“Yeah”, he looked serious

“Shall we go?”, he asked, you nodded, but before you could slip away, the sound of… some horrible musical instrument interrupted you

“What is that?”, growled Aemond. And there he was, Cregan accompanied with a couple of his cousins, playing a musical instrument based on wind that was just awful.

“Oh, for all the gods”, you muttered. The sound was truly haunting, but you could tell he was putting on a show for you, and your guests

“You know, he's been playing the windpipes ever since he was 3 years old”, Gillaine told you, you just smiled and nodded, “practices every night”, you quickly stopped smiling

“Every night?”, you asked her, horrified. You couldn’t bear the thought of hearing mating seagulls every single night

“Oh, never misses”, she said proudly.

Aegon was dead-ass covering his ears with a disturbed look on his face, and your grandmother didn’t look so impressed either. When it was finally over, he took his hands out of his ears, and looked at the glow in the dark necklace your grandmother was wearing

“What kind of necklace is that?”, Aegon asked, looking at grandma's Pearls necklace.

“They're glow-in-the-dark thunder beads”, she said proudly, and Aegon just laughed loudly, wrapping his arm around Pearl’s, “let’s get you a drink my friend”

“Finally!”, she said, “don’t tell my daughter!”, Aegon laughed again

“I won’t! just don’t get frisky with me!”, he warned in a tone of a joke, Pearl just smiled, but he laughed when he felt the hand of the grandma going more ‘south’ than his back, “watch those hands grandma!”, he laughed.

The gathering ended shortly after, and you found yourself getting ready for bed in your room, when a soft knock on the door interrupted you. You open the door and it was your mother

“Oh, hi, mom”, you greeted

“I have something for you”, she said softly, you both sat on the big bed, and she showed you a photo album she had, “This is so you can have a little piece of home with you”, you eyes filled with tears as you looked at her

“Thank you”, you said softly. You started looking through the pictures,

“Oh, look at you”, she said, “you were so small”, you were lacking some teeth and were smiling right at the camera… “There's you and Cersei”, both of you were on your uniforms for your first day of school, “You were about 5 there”, you kept looking at the precious memories. “Oh, do you remember this? It was taken at the lake when your father broke his arm because of that silly motorcycle of his”, she said, looking at the picture taken at the God’s eye

“I miss dad so much”, you whined wiping a tear off of your face as you saw a picture of him.

“Me too, sweetheart”, she said, caressing your arm

“I just wish he could've been here”, you whispered, “he was always so worried I was never gonna meet anyone”, you said with a soft chuckled

“Oh, no, he wasn't”, she said dismissively, she then pointed at a picture, “Oh, that's Braavos”, it was a picture of the three of you under the Braavos’ Colossus, and then when you turned the page there was a picture of you and Aemond, shortly after you finished college, “He could be so off-base sometimes”, she said mindlessly

“What? why?”, you asked her

“Well, it's just… he was always convinced that you were gonna marry Aemond”, she said gently, you just looked back at her, wide-eyed

“Really?”, you asked her, she just smiled sadly at you

“I'll see you in the morning”, she said lovingly, “Good night, my angel”, she kissed your temple and left you.

A wave of sadness engulfed you, were you really mad? moving halfway across the whole continent? leaving your family behind? your mom and your grandmother? you were the only thing they had left. And there was no possible way they’d move up here… you just hugged yourself and tried to sleep.

“It's pulling off a Band-Aid. You just have to close your eyes and do it”, Aemond closed his eyes as he took a long sigh

“But I just haven't found the right time”, he explained to the phone

“What are you talking about, "right time"? Any time is the right time to say "I love you. Marry me."

“Right”, but Aemond wasn’t convinced

“Come on, what are you there for, man? Take the shot, win the game, and bring her home. And stop running up my long-distance phone bill with these crazy calls!”, said Addam, “besides, you got Aegon right there with you!”

“Right. Right, right, okay”, he said simply, “Thanks, Addam”,

“You can do this, Aemond! You can do this, you can do this”, he repeated until his friend believed him

“What's wrong with me?”, whined Aemond, he was not believing it

“You can do this. You can do this!”, he kept repeating. He hung up the phone and put it in his pocket, and then turned around and you were walking towards him.

“Hey”, you greeted softly

“Hey”, he said back, oh when he looked at you he felt like the world stopped, and there was nothing more important than you. “Hey, I thought we could go for a walk and, uh, work on the vows”, he offered, it was a beautiful afternoon, the sunset was about to happen and the day was very calm

“Good idea. I could use some help”, you said with a soft smile.

“Yeah? Good, okay”, you walked with your arm coiled with his, towards the beautiful lake that surrounded the property. You sat on a beautiful bench with the views of the sunset and you presented your ideas to him, that you had scribbled on your notepad

“So… what do you think?”, you asked him

“I think a lot of things”, he said simply, relaxed because you didn’t know what to say in your own vows, and he took that as a good sign. He looked at you, you looked beautiful under this light, and he knew… this was his moment, it had to be

“I've been working on them all week, and I think they're actually getting worse”, you said, discouraged. No matter how hard you thought about it, the words just wouldn’t come to you, you felt so strongly about Cregan and yet… nothing you could put into words.

“Yeah”, he mumbled, looking straight at you, but you were looking ahead.

“At first, I went for the emotion, then I thought, oh, God, what if Cregan doesn't?”, you kept rambling

“Yeah”, he didn’t care, the only thing he cared about was you

“And then I tried to be funny, well, I don't know if the Northmen have the same sense of humor as King’s Landers”, you tried, “So now I'm back to something basic, and I totally think I veered off into something boring”, you didn’t know what to say, but he did, this was it.

“I'm crazy about you”, he said quickly, looking into your eyes, you were just looking ahead into the horizon, “I think about you all the time. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you”, he tried then. He saw you frown

“Really?”, you asked him, finally looking back at him

“Really”, he said firmly, alright, this was it… his moment

“That's so generic”, you said then, and Aemond’s face was now horrified

“Generic?”, he asked

“Yeah”, you said, oblivious to his confession, you thought he was just helping you with your vows

“Generic?”, he asked again

“It totally is”, you said back

“How can that be generic?”, he asked

“It sounds like something somebody is supposed to say as opposed to what you're really feeling”, you said, looking at the sunset, trying to get inspired

“All right, how about, uh…”, alright this was it, his moment, “nobody in the world makes me laugh the way you do, you're my best friend, I just want to be with you”, he blurred it out, and you didn’t think how that could apply to Cregan, but then you noticed the way Aemond was looking at you.

“What?”, you asked him, did he mean it? he could not possibly mean it.

“Look out, look out, look out!”, you heard the screeching of Baela, making you turn on your seat.

“There she is! (Y/N), let's go!”, called Cersei, and Aemond looked like he wanted to take a swim at the lake. They all surrounded you, they had a cape in their hands and a strange pot

“What is this?”, he asked, completely horrified

“This is her "taking out.", said Walda

“Her what?”, asked Aemond

“We dress her up and then we parade her around one of the pubs”, explained Walda

“That's weird”, he mumbled

“It's tradition!”, she corrected

“And then we fill a toilet with salt and we sell your kisses for change!”, said Baela

“Really? They sell your kisses?”, asked Aemond, “that is unhygienic”

“Yup”, said Baela, “can’t wait!”

“Come on, it's like a Northerner bachelorette party”, you offered to Aemond, who was again, completely horrified. Your friends started to pull you back towards the castle, and he followed in tow. Cars where waiting for you to take you to the town

“Okay!, come on!”, cheered Baela, to Aemond’s surprise, Aegon joined in, and the six of you went partying

The pub was classic looking, and extremely old, but it had his charm, it was the most popular bar in town. Your friends had dressed you with a colorful and traditional “maiden cape”, with the colors of your soon to be husband’s House.

As you entered the bar everyone there looked at you

“All right, let's sell some kisses!”, said Baela excitedly.

“Uh! can I sell my kisses too?”, asked Aegon, looking around finding beautiful women.

This huge guy put some coins in your bucket and then he kissed you quickly on the lips, taking your breath away, you really weren’t expecting it, he then spread his arms to the entire bar

“It's her taking out! She's got the breath of an angel!”, to your horror, everybody cheered. And then, a bunch of guys just started putting coins in your bucket and then stealing short close mouthed kisses.

At first it was weird, but as your friends started giving you scotch, it became funny, as more men, of all sizes, ages and heights stole kisses from you

You friends got in the bar, exchanging the coins for glasses of scotch, which they dawned quickly.

“Another!”, chanted Aegon to the bartender as they asked for another round, enjoying the funds you were procuring with your kisses

“Another!”, said Cersei, “Thank you!”, she said, taking another drink to you that you just pushed back pretty quickly.

“Come on man”, said Aegon, putting some coins in Aemond’s hand, “go for it, I’ll distract the flock”, he said quickly, Aemond nodded as he watched his brother stump back to the group of ladies and now he was truly thankful of having him here.

And now he went straight for you, who had been walking towards a more deserted part of the old pub. He got in your way, trapping you in a tight hallway from one room to the next.

“This is all I have”, Aemond said, placing a couple of golden dragons on your pot, you looked at him wide-eyed, he leaned in, and trapped your lips on his.

He was doing it for fun, he always kisses you like this, it was… but then why was he encasing your face with his hands?

You didn’t even realize when you dropped your pot and all its contents as you hugged Aemond tightly against you, the kiss turned more heated, as you opened your mouth to receive his eager tongue.

He placed his hands on your hips and stuck you to him, as you never wanted this to end…

Did he mean it? everything he had said?

“Oh, my gosh, you guys!”, you separated as the other was on fire when you heard Baela’s screech, you dropped to your knees to gather the contents of your pot, the coins and the salt. Aemond was right there to help you.

You feel your friend’s hands on you as you get back on your feet.

“We have to get more kisses!”, said Baela, and you were relieved that she didn't see anything.

“Kisses!”, screamed Walda

“More kisses!”

“Kisses!”, and you didn’t dare to look at Aemond for the rest of the night.

Aemond knew it was coming, he knew you, he knew you were going to come for him tonight, so when he heard a knock on the door, he smiled softly, he prepared himself, took a long breath, and then opened the door, but it wasn’t you on the other side…

“I can't take it anymore!”, mumbled Cersei drunkenly

“What are you doing?”, he asked, genuinely scared

“Let's do it again. For old times' sake”, she said, she was only wearing a long coat, and when she took it off, it was only lingerie underneath.

“Don't take that off!”, he said, trying to cover his eyes

“No, Aemond, I need to make this up to you!”, she said,t aking his hand to take them out of his face

“Don't take this… off”, he muttered, but she was all over him, she pushed him to the bed and he fell on his back

“I'm really unhappy!”, she cried, this was just a mess

“That's fine”, offered Aemond, “let’s just not do this”

“No, it's okay!”, she said, trying to kiss him, she was over him in a second, pushing him harder against the bed

“Aemond, I'm not happy at all”, she said, between kisses she was trying to land on his face. Aemond did try to push her off of him, but he didn’t want to be rough, after all, she was a lady, and he didn’t want to hurt her. “And I am in a really, really confusing place in my life right now”, she kept with her monologue that frankly, he didn’t understand.

“Confusing?”, he asked then

“Listen, I have had some whisky…”, she explained messily,

“I can tell…”, answered Aemond

“And I need you to service me”, she completed

“Service you!?”

“Service me, bitch!”, she demanded as she slapped him across the face. “Service me!”, that is when he noticed the door was opened, and Cersei was screaming

“Be quiet! Be quiet!”, he begged

“You be quiet”, answered Cersei

“Get off of me!”, he begged, “Just be quiet”, and when he was turning his face, he saw you, standing on the door frame, looking at the scene, completely heartbroken.

“(Y/N)!”, he called, but you ran off. He then pushed Cersei to the floor as she landed in a fit of laughter

“Bring me more whiskys!”, she demanded front he floor, but he didn’t care, he ran after you

But he didn’t manage to catch you before you locked yourself in your room

“(Y/N)!”, he called but she just closed the heavy wooden door on his face, but that didn’t deter him, he knocked on the door hastily, “It's Aemond, let me in! Let me in!”, he begged.

“Go away, Aemond”, you said, placing both your hands on the door to keep him out, despite the door being closed.

“No, no, no, no, no, let me explain”, he said quickly, sticking his face to the ancient wood, “It's not what you think”, he couldn’t believe this was happening to him, after all of it, after all the work, after all the training, one single moment could ruin everything

“It doesn't matter now”, you said brokenly

“Yes, it does”, he said. “Why did you...?”, he needed to know, he needed to know why you looked for him tonight.

“Just go!”, you begged, and this was just what you needed, you couldn’t believe you were willing to throw everything away with Cregan just for a fling with Aemond, you knew him, you knew how he was and still, you couldn’t help but think you were going to be different. Then you remembered painfully why you never could give him an inch of space.

“I'll go. Just tell me, why did you come to my room?”, he asked him, but there was no answer, “(Y/N)? Why did you come to the room?”, he asked softly, he knew you, he did, he was getting answers.

“To talk about that kiss”m you answered softly

“Oh, (Y/N)”, he whispered lovingly, he knew if he could just see you now, he would convince you. “Please don't… Don't marry him”, there, he said it, he begged you to

“All these years, Aemond”, you cried out. After all these years, you loved him, you loved Aemond, and you had lost count of how many times you wished you could just let him in… but you never did.

“Don't marry him”, he repeated

“All this time…. You're doing this now?”, you asked him

“I know”, he said. You could tell this was hard for him too, but that didn’t make the anger that was bubbling up inside you change.

“How can you do this?”, you asked him. slapping your hand on the door

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just let me in”, he begged.

“No, I can't”, you whined, voice broken

“Let me in”, he begged softly

“You're only doing this now because you're afraid of losing me”, you accused, “I need someone

who's gonna be there for me no matter what happens”, you said, choking up in your own words, “Someone who truly... loves me… Someone I can trust”

“But (Y/N)... I…”, you stuck your ear to the door, waiting to hear him say it… but it never came

“You can’t even say it”, you whispered, a tear falling down your eye, “I'm marrying Cregan tomorrow… Aemond”, you said more decisively, wiping your own tear from your eye

“I can't be your maid of honor”, you heard through the door, “I can't give you away to him, I can’t… I'm sorry, (Y/N)”, he whispered back.

You heard his steps walking away and that when you slid down the door to the floor, tears kept falling down your eyes.

taglist!

@snh96 @sagelovesreading @toodlesxcuddles @ammo23 @bananzaa @ttkttt @at-a-rax-ia @n4tforlife @spn-obession @moonnicole

#misguidedmade #aemond targaryen #cregan stark #aemond targaryen x reader #cregan stark x reader #hbo house of the dragon #house of the dragon

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forcedtogrow · 2 days

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Hiii, chubby trans guy here looking to get fit but not really knowing where to start! :’) I got top surgery a couple months back and my tdick is growing but I still look so curvy and feminine, I just want to be strong and confident. Words of advice for a pathetic little guy?

Congrats on top surgery! It’s hard to know for sure what you should prioritize since I can’t see your body, but finding a beginner lifting routine that works and is realistic for you is a good start. It take 3-5 years for muscle structure and body fat to fully redistribute, sometimes longer if you have a high body fat % — which isn’t good or bad it’s just something to know. Personally, I prefer to fuck someone with a lot of meat on their bones (muscular fat or thicc if you will).

You may need to focus on your upper body a little more right now and work your lats/delts/pecs more often, but don’t skip leg day entirely. You need a balanced physique and ideally an X shaped body. As I’ve proven time and time again, curves aren’t even the feminine necessarily,,

I’m still nearly an “hourglass” but it reads as fitness guy instead of girl figure and I haven’t been misgendered in years. Don’t you want to have a big strong wide back and a perfect ass? Give your partner something to grab onto

Let my bouncy ass inspire you ❤️ had to cover my dick because it hangs too low, but you get the idea. Second pic isn’t my best angle but it gets the point across.

#ask #muscle encouragement #ftm dom #forcemasc #autoandrophilia #forced masculinization #ftm nsft #ftm top #ftm hypno #pics

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cyberbrained · 1 day

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Schwein Interview: Part 1 — Atsushi Sakurai / Rockin'F (June 2001)

There were different troubles, this time it was a fight with myself

Part 1 — Atsushi Sakurai interview Interviewer: Yoshiyuki Oono scans: tigerpal @ dreamwidth/livejournal

I thought everything would work out if I let my natural flavor spill freely in Japanese

Did you write the lyrics based on the compositions? Sakurai: That’s right. First, around last autumn, six compositions written by Sascha and Raymond were completed. The songs’ structure was well done, vocals and chorus were added. Although there were also vocals by Lucia [Cifarelli] in the song Porno, I was told “Please, Atsushi, add melodies and lyrics however you like here.” Generally that was the feeling. So, regarding the recording itself, from starting work on the songs, ideas came in more and more; times when we were told, “I’m entrusting you with everything,” increased. Hence, being given freedom in working, this became a collaboration.

Did you discuss the content of the lyrics with Raymond and co.? Sakurai: I did. Although I was told, “Please do whatever you like,” too many mental images were off so talking about the title and Raymond’s connotations gave me a hint for the lyrics.

This time unusual alcohol and women came up in the lyrics. Are those motifs Raymond held? Sakurai: Perhaps I should say it was simultaneous [between us]…

Like you recorded while drinking? Sakurai: There was that too (laugh). What Raymond said and the things I myself hold were rather close. “What can I do, I wonder?” When it was time to talk seriously, if I thought about what’s coming to mind, it was all things I like. Alcohol and women (laugh). But even though I liked the words that came first, I wondered what my specialty is. When there is time I would sugarcoat [my ideas] but this time around that kind of thing wasn’t needed. Working in a band up to now, sometimes I’d add things to myself that weren’t necessarily there [in me], so returning to myself like this allowed me to be myself.

Has there been an opinion among the members of Buck-Tick that “This Acchan now is very relaxed,” recently? Sakurai: This time, participating in this album, even though third parties could look at me closely, I was never aware of that. Regarding everyday life, I wasn’t thinking stuff like, “Let’s proceed calmly.”

This time there are lyrics coexisting in Japanese, English, and German. Were you worried about the distinction between each word? Sakurai: Frankly, I thought Japanese would be hard to fit in. I sang after Raymond did and there were times when things felt out of place. But if we’d stopped there nothing would have even started. Based on what I'm capable of doing, I thought everything would work out if I let my natural flavor spill freely in Japanese. My own singing, Sascha, Lucia, and Raymond’s vocals too, everyone’s sound would be captured. But it was definitely complicated because Japanese, which comes across direct, appeared suddenly.

What about the parts sung in German and English? Sakurai: Isn’t it brief really? I just did chorus and unison. Initially I didn’t think I’d be doing chorus in English, since there were a lot of people who could be entrusted with it. Symbolically, there were three people who could sing in English.

In Schwein there’s rap-like Japanese, German vocals have entered, that great sense of language is interesting, right? Sakurai: Sascha sang those. Basically, the lyrics he’d written were translated and then fitting lyrics were created [in addition]. I couldn’t get a precise conclusion from the translation, so I asked, “What atmosphere would it be?” and after that I started getting more mental images. That kind of feeling.

I had the conviction to work since “I’ve been given the other members’ compositions”

Isn’t it interesting how Schwein is reaping your style and everything you’ve done with Buck-Tick until now, like with Crown’s equalizing, Spank the Monkey’s part with the stacked double vocals? Sakurai: The engineers were first-timers; I could only give my abilities as a raw ingredient. There was an engineer called Russel [Kearney]; I told him, “Russel, you’re the chef. Handle it as you like[1].” After that we tried out many things, it was fun. There weren’t misses.

I listened to your vocals and there wasn’t anything out of place at all. Sakurai: I wondered if I could deliver in the gaps between the other vocals, but I wasn’t worried at all.

Then, what was your approach with Schwein? Sakurai: I had the conviction to work since “I’ve been given the other members’ compositions,” so there wasn’t any holding back. Raymond and Sascha’s experience and strengths brought out the best in me.

Who created the melody lines? Sakurai: Raymond and Sascha were in charge, Imai’s compositions are his own. With four people the melodies were well considered.

Conversely, how many songs did you devise the melody for?[2] Sakurai: Well, the one where I did things selfishly however I liked was Fantasia. I did the verse my way and the chorus’ melody came to me too… Then, Spank The Monkey’s chorus, Lard, Lips, Liquor’s melody, and for Organzola’s[3] duet part I was free to do whatever I liked.

How is your approach with Schwein different from that with Buck-Tick? Sakurai: Until now, although the composer had created the melody perfectly, this time whether it was the songs or the album as a whole, I couldn't easily imagine. Also, I wondered how far it would be good to go, how far I could go, but there wasn’t hesitation. That’s why, honestly, the feeling of collaborating and being free to do as I pleased with the melodies were first [in importance]. The singing itself was the same as always but regarding feelings I was able to keep the high tension for a month. There were different troubles and, thinking about it deeply, this time it was a fight with myself.

—

Notes:

[1]He called him コック, which means chef (in this case), because he did a pun on cooking in Japanese. I didn’t keep it in English out of fear it would sound unserious (of me). “Cook it up however you like” is what I would’ve gone with and in that case this note would read “Yes, he really said that.” Also...that word's other meaning had me loling hard at that bit at first glance.

[2]Sakurai isn’t credited with any compositions for Schwein. I suppose what they mean here is more along the lines of where his input was heavier.

[3]Re: Organzola as a title word (because idk when I’ll make it there with my speed): later in this interview (under Sascha’s part, which is the fourth and final part), it’s explained it’s a mashup of Organ, the English word + Gorgonzola, the Italian cheese, which apparently equals...g3n1tal organs. ...well, idk about you but I'm glad to learn this so many years later lmao

#schwein #sakurai atsushi #atsushi sakurai #hermittranslation

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abyssalzones · 1 day

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You mentioned in ur Transfem Stan stuff (really good btw. Love it) that it made you appreciate Stan as a character more, and I was wondering what held you back on her character before?

shrugs..... I think I might've been largely influenced by prior negative experiences with gf fandom. which is Never something you want. but essentially the way stan's characterization often gets flattened for the purposes of angst or comparisons to ford, where she's the one who was "right" all along in their conflict and always has pure of heart intentions... is not something I find very interesting. so I suppose I forgot about the actual nuance of the character! whoops.

then again, I've also just never been the type of person to get attached to male characters with a strong "I have to do this for my FAMILY" angle. interpreting stan as transfem and butch does largely 'fix' this for me because I find it puts a lot of her behavior into perspective in a way that's really interesting (she has to be the protective Man of the house but feels like a fraud when trying to perform traditional masculinity, family is immensely important to her but she's still the black sheep of her own family, etc) but I did also just naturally come to appreciate stan as a "family oriented" character whose behavior and motivations are extremely messy Because of that. often the family "man" in fiction is a noble, paternalistic savior figure who enacts violence against perceived outside threats as a necessity to protect the structure of The Family, and you do actually see this in stan but interestingly you also see how damaging this family-first mentality can be when it comes to her relationship with ford (and projecting their problems onto the younger twins).

basically stan suffers the role of "fandom favorite whose writing gets flattened like a pancake in popular interpretation" and being a fordliker since 2016... jades you......

#askbox #sorry if this is a little rambly my thoughts on this aren't the most organized rn #I like that she's fucked up. I dislike that people don't recognize this

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peaches2217 · 1 day

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Having been raised in a cult that started off as a legitimate church and now seeking faith on my own terms, I’ve recently (as in, like, three days ago) developed a hyperfixation for researching various denominations of Christianity. It’s incredible, how little I knew about what denominations actually believe what.

TW: Reflections on religious extremism and experiences (nothing traumatic, I’m keeping this lighthearted, but I know it can be touchy!)

When my cult was still a church, it was an Assemblies of God church, and I’m fairly certain they still hold to a lot of that doctrine, just with even more heaping helpings of fire and brimstone and doomsday. We were taught to jokingly view Southern Baptists (or just “Baptists,” because they refused to acknowledge American Baptists and I didn’t even realize American Baptism was a THING until recently) as our rivals: they were our polar opposite in practice but equals in theology, and all other denominations just couldn’t get it right or were too scared to break free from Catholicism. We were told Catholics and those who worshiped and believed like them weren’t true Christians and destined for Hell. There was no interdenominational unity and collaboration, nor was there any encouragement to look at other denominations’ doctrine. Ours was right, the Baptists were close enough, and nothing else held any sort of merit.

(I’m pretty sure now they’ve even cut out the Baptist sympathetics, and while it’s become wholly self-contained, they’re still accepted as an AoG church — albeit a more extreme example of the denomination — but I can’t say any of that with certainty. I’d ask my dad but, well, he’s still wholly devoted to the cult, I don’t trust him to be objective in his view. 😅)

I briefly attended an Episcopal church before I moved last year, mostly because it was the polar oppose of what I was raised in and there was something very comforting about that (plus they’re openly supportive of things like LGBTQ+ rights), but ultimately my dad and FB friends kinda shamed me out of attending because “There’s no blessing in structure, sis!”. My hope was to start going to the Episcopal church here where I currently live, but when I showed up last week, there were exactly two people and they gave me rather dirty looks, so I quickly high-tailed it back to my car.

I ended up at a Methodist church because I was running behind and theirs was the only non-Baptist service that hadn’t started yet, and… I dunno. They had some trappings of my birth cult, sang some of the same songs, but there was also a structure to things like I’d seen in the Episcopal church. No hour-long praise and worship where you make a show of screaming and crying harder than anyone else, followed by an hour-long sermon that leads into another two-hour stretch of loud music and light shows and shouldaboughtahyundai steadIboughtakias until everyone was either unconscious or in a state of religious ecstasy; there was an order to things, with opportunities to take time in private prayer at the alter or at your seat, and the sermon was heartfelt and impactful but never once delved into the pastor screaming frantically into the mic. I followed their website to the official doctrine of the United Methodist denomination, and I was shocked to find that I agreed with most of it.

And that shocked me because, due to their notoriously liberal stances and heavy Catholic influence, my dad and those around me always told me that the Episcopal church isn’t really respectable. Most of them, however, consider Methodism a perfectly legitimate denomination that gets enough right to be deemed a proper church… and their doctrine isn’t much more conservative than Episcopalian doctrine. They have no formal stance on queer issues (which I’ll take over “Y’all are going to Hell” any day) but they’re vocal proponents of social justice and sexual education, both things I was taught growing up are evil.

And that’s the long-winded explanation of how I got to where I am now: digging deep into what each denomination actually believes, because I knew my viewpoint was limited by experience and further restrained by indoctrination and trauma, but holy fuck, I didn’t realize just how crazy my cult’s beliefs were until I started comparing all the doctrine. Of course doctrine isn’t everything, I know that, but the more I read, the more and more I realize that the faith I was raised in wasn’t all that Christlike after all.

A side note: my boss let me take half a day off on Sunday to go back to that church. The pastor’s husband came up and greeted me, told me his wife had mentioned meeting me, asked me a couple questions, standard New Person in Church-type stuff. I got about two questions in before I was shaking visibly and so scared I went briefly nonverbal, because for how kindly I’ve been treated and how strong my faith is, I’ve still got hella religious trauma. I alluded to being raised in church and had my trans and enby pride bracelets on, along with my bigender symbol necklace, so I’m pretty sure he could infer exactly why I was so scared.

He clasped my hand and said, in a quiet voice with a little smile, “You’re safe here. This is a safe place. We’re so glad you’re here.” I couldn’t say anything except thank you, but I hope it was enough to express just how deeply those words impacted me.

#it feels good being able to pursue my faith academically as well as spiritually #my dad encouraged study up until I started coming to ‘incorrect’ conclusions and then gently reminded me of what I’m SUPPOSED to believe #so being able to seek all of this out after so many years of fear and repression is freeing in a way words can’t express #peaches screams into the void

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traegorn · 1 day

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Are there any books that go in depth on wiccan ceremonies like weddings ? All I can find so far are blogs of Christians retelling things about the "exotic" pagan weddings they've been to or things that lump all pagan religions together as 1 thing.. I just want to know about wicca solely, like I know everyone does things their own way but a guideline that's a little more detailed would help me so much. I struggle with vague. Sorry If this is silly, I just want to have my own wedding soon but I can't just ask my mom for advice on this like everyone else I know would

I'm assuming since you're asking me that you're a solitary practitioner like I am and not part of an established coven or tradition. Because if you were, you could just talk to other members of your group and figure it out.

So I'll do my best to help.

Now my own wedding was actually largely non-Wiccan. My wife isn't a Wiccan so we kind of built our ceremony more in line with what we knew our families would expect (and added in a few extra things). I used to play a lot of stuff close to the chest with my extended family -- like my wedding is literally how a lot of them found out I hadn't been using my deadname outside of family parties for ten years.

So the more magical bits were kind of inserted more low-key than what you're asking.

To get to your question though, I don't have any books to rec largely because it's not really a one size fits all thing. Like effectively what your wedding would be is a group ritual. Whether you do it in front of the guests, or have the guests surround the circle is up to you -- but you'd literally just start it the way any other group ceremony would start. Your officiant(s) would would act as High Priestess or High Priest (or both) for the ceremony, and you'd just... treat it as a ritual. The officiant would do whatever you do to mark a circle, call the quarters, etc.

A lot of folks opt to do a handfasting, the officiant would call upon the Goddess and God to bless the union, etc... but it really just depends on how you structure your own ceremonies, you know?

This isn't something in most folk's Books of Shadow, so you just need to design it in the way that feels right to you. It's your wedding, this is your ceremony.

I hope that helped.

#Wicca #Witchcraft #Wiccan #Weddings

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cuuzca · 2 years

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DQB2ber Week3: Illusions/Nightmare💧🩸

A nightmare only she could wake him from, an illusion only he could make into reality. 🌕

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fumifooms · 4 months

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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we don’t #get that many moments with her. So there’s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me #As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it #I’m doomed. I’m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #analysis #character analysis #meta #autistic reading #aroace reading as well. Sort of. It’s mentioned #The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity you’re expected to #As always this is just my interpretation blablabla #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor #Laios touden #he’s here too bc they are an unit #If you’re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falin’s character u are missing an opportunity imo #Fairy’s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised she’s hard to fully pin down #Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laios… Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out #I’d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. I’m not satisfied by the level of clarity #Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles #Crazy style #I give a TLDR at the end if you’d prefer. It doesn’t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think

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