#and stress brain cannot improv very well

[snootlestheangel]

141 Headcanons

This is "the 141 as shelter dogs" cause that's the only thing on my mind the last 5 days. It's so rotting my brain so I have to share. If nothing makes sense feel free to ask questions. I'd love to explain in more detail about my job since I actually didn't know how much goes into a shelter.

Anyways this is just a little thing right now cause I'm tired and brain no work except when it comes to my work

Some things: bonded animals are harder to adopt because they need to remain together and people often don't want that responsibility.

There are waivers for animals. Typically dogs will have waivers that are for they have a bite history, cannot be around small children, cannot be around small animals like cats, cannot be with other dogs.

Ghost

He's a big Shepherd/Pyrenees mix that's known for being a bit difficult to handle. He came in because animal control took him from a really abusive home. He was terrified of everyone but used his teeth and big size to fight first.

Hes the entire staff's favorite though because they all know it's not his fault, its just the abuse he suffered all those years. The behavior team loves when they get to spend time working with him on leash training and desensitization.

He started improving cause they introduced him to playgroups (where he gets to finally meet other dogs and play with them). He spends most of the time hiding between the team lead of that particular playgroup (despite being like half her size). He does eventually come out of his shell a bit but he's still very reserved.

Gets called "handsome man" literally all day by staff. So many treats. Is actually the sweetest and prefers to sit and "keep watch" then anything else.

Is bonded with Soap. Has bite history waiver.

Price

Big shaggy looking older dog. Has the schnauzer beard so he definitely has some of that in his blood. Called "Captain" cause he just seems to be in charge. Just has that face of "I'm the boss" despite being a dog.

Gets overlooked a lot cause he's not the most attractive dog for people wanting to adopt. He's shaggy looking and a bit grumpy, he's also an older dog so he's overlooked a lot.

Was surrendered for biting the neighbor. It's not his fault, it's the neighbors but ya know. Dog bites person, dog gets taken. It's an unfortunate reality and often times either the owners don't want the dog back or can't get them back.

Soap

Aussie/border collie mix. Has a patch of brown on his head that makes it look like a mohawk. Has the brightest blue eyes and looks just as intelligent as he is.

Was dumped on the shelter's doorstep. He quickly ate his way through a delivery that had soap in it, hence where he got his name.

He became a favorite quickly, got adopted, but was returned in less than a week. The reason being he was "too jumpy". Yes. This is a real ass reason people return their adoptions.

He gets introduced to Ghost as a playmate. They think Ghost needs a more social, confident dog to be buddies with (nothing else is working). It goes great, the whole staff is shocked when they see Ghost play wrestle with this little maniac.

It goes so well, in fact, that Ghost gets more stressed when he's not out in the run with Soap. They end up putting the two together in a kennel that's technically a room. (Something called a real life room that enables higher stress dogs or dogs with buddies to stay visible for the public)

He likes to use Ghost's head to stand on his hind legs when it's food time. Likes to yell but one slap from Ghost and he'll stop.

Gaz

Puppy privilege. Isn't even technically a puppy anymore, he's just got the face and personality of one.

Has a big prey drive though. Was surrendered for killing a bunch of stray cats.

Literally described as sassy cause he'll "talk back" and gives side eyes all the time. Known by the dog walkers as a menace just cause he's strong despite his size, and will yank the leash out of your hand or pull your arm off when he sees anything interesting.

He's a "walk only" dog because he's also an escape artist. Can be in playgroups but needs the "rough and rowdy" one to keep him occupied so he doesn't try to escape.

Soap and Gaz both throw hands with the people trying to leash them for walks, to go on the runs (little spaces of concrete made for dogs to go to the bathroom and play), to go meet potential adopters. Price will politely stand there and let you leash him. Unless Ghost knows you, he will lower his head and let out a growl but doesn't do anything else.

[asteriaas-stuffs]

Self hypnosis to enter void.

Self-hypnosis is a naturally occurring state of mind which can be defined as a heightened state of focused concentration. With it, you can change your thinking, kick bad habits, and take control of the person you are—along with relaxation and destressing from everyday life. It's similar to meditation and results in a better you.

How to apply self hypnosis.

Get into comfortable clothing. It's pretty hard entering any kind of deep, relaxed state when all you can think about is the waistband of your jeans cutting off your circulation. So take this as an excuse to throw on some sweats. You want absolutely nothing distracting you.

Make sure the temperature is good, too. Have a blanket or a sweater ready if you run on the chilly side. Sometimes feeling warm can be very comforting, too.

Although some people prefer to lie down, you are more susceptible to sleep than when sitting up. Whether you sit or lie, ensure that you do not cross your legs or any part of your body. You may be in this position for a while and this could end up being uncomfortable.

No self-hypnosis is effective if it gets interrupted by a phone call, a pet, or a kid. Turn off your phone (and the alerts), lock the door, and sequester yourself. This is you time.

The amount of time you want to dedicate to this is up to you. Most prefer to be in a trance (we try to avoid that phrase as it has certain...err...negative connotations) for about 15 or 20 minutes, but you should also allow time to get in and out of it, too.

Figure out your hypnosis goals. Are you doing it just to relax? For self-improvement? To train your brain? If you're doing it to achieve a greater end (weight loss, void), prepare a list of affirmations. Self-hypnosis can be used just for relaxation, sure, but it can be for a number of life-enhancing things, too. Many use it to achieve their goals, change their thinking, or just as general positive reinforcement or motivation. Here are some examples of affirmations you could try: I'm capable of letting go everything that's stopping me to connect myself from my higher self or you can use void Affirmation you prefer .

Entering hypnosis

Close your eyes and work to rid your mind of any feelings of fear, stress, or anxiety. When you begin, you might find it difficult not to think. You may find that thoughts keep intruding. When this happens, don't try to force the thoughts out. Observe them impartially, and then let them slip away.

Alternatively, some like to pick a point on the wall and focus on it. It could be the corner, it could be a smudge, it could be wherever you want it to be. Focus on the point, concentrating on your eyelids. Repeat to yourself that they're getting heavier and heavier and let them close when you cannot keep them open anymore.

Recognize the tension in your body. Beginning with your toes, imagine the tension slowly falling away from your body and vanishing. Imagine it freeing each body part one at a time starting with your toes and working its way up your body. Visualize each part of your body becoming lighter and lighter as the tension is removed.

Relax your toes, then your feet. Continue with your calves, thighs, hips, stomach and so on, until you've relaxed each portion, including your face and head. Using imagery techniques of something you find comforting or soothing, such as water (feel the water rushing over your feet and ankles, cleansing them of tension) can be effective as well.

Take slow, deep breaths. When you exhale, see the tension and negativity leaving in a dark cloud. As you inhale, see the air returning as a bright force filled with life and energy.

At this point, you can use visualization as you so choose. Think of a lemon and cut it in half in your mind. Imagine the juices oozing out and getting over your fingers. Place it in your mouth. What's your reaction? How does it feel, taste, and smell? Then, move onto more meaningful visions. Imagine your bills blowing away in the breeze. Imagine you running off those pounds. Get as detailed as possible. Always think of your five senses.

Appreciate the fact that you are now extremely relaxed. Imagine you are at the top of a flight of 10 stairs which at the fifth step start to submerge into water. Picture every detail of this scene from the top to the bottom. Tell yourself that you are going to descend the stairs, counting each step down, starting at 10. Picture each number in your mind. Imagine that each number you count is further down and one step closer to the bottom. After each number, you will feel yourself drifting further and further into deep relaxation.

As you take each step, imagine the feel of the step under your feet. Once you are at the fifth step imagine and truly feel the refreshing coolness of the water and tell yourself that you are stepping into an oasis of purity and cleanliness. As you begin to descend the last five steps, start to feel the water getting higher and higher up your body. You should now start to feel somewhat numb and your heart will start to race a bit, but notice it and let any qualms about the situation just drift away into the water.

Feel a floating sensation.

Repeat your affirmation to yourself as many times as you wish.

And after some minutes you're on the void boom . You can use any mediation short ones beforehand to focus or use any subliminal i would suggest lotsumi and Arabella subliminal .

[lonely-l1lypad]

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.

Here are some points I suggest everyone on a self-improvement journey should read and think about, whether you are just starting or if you are well into your journey<3

These are things I've thought about for a while, and I tried to keep them as concise as possible. If you want me to expand further on anything or need advice, you are more than welcome to send me an ask!

i.

You can’t hate yourself into something you love.

For you to actually become a version of yourself that you love, you have to love the version of yourself that you started with. I can’t stress this enough – you can’t hate yourself into something you love. You have to start trying to love the original version of you, with all your faults and imperfections. Even if you think you’re fat and ugly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying to be a better version of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to hate the old version. If you start your self-improvement journey hating yourself, and all you can think about is trying to become this romanticized version of yourself that you have in your head, I guarantee you that you will still hate yourself no matter what you do. In your mind you will still be the first version of yourself that you hated. You have to try loving the first version of yourself. You have to put in the work from day one. It’s not going to be easy, and it might take some time, but you owe it to yourself. At the end of the day, you’re the only person you can depend on. If you can’t love your appearance, try loving yourself for what’s in your heart and your brain. Love yourself for trying to be healthier, for showing up for yourself and others, for being kind, for being a good person, and so on. You are so much more than your appearance. Please start trying to love yourself.

ii.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

This might seem like the most obvious thing ever, but you’d be surprised how many people expect to see results while putting in zero work. For something to change, you actually have to change something. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic, in the beginning it can be something that seems very insignificant. What matters is that you do something. Find the area of your life you’re most desperate to change and find one little thing you can do to improve it. And remember, be realistic about it – if you want to work out more, don’t let your first goal be to work out for an hour every day. This relates more to my third point, but again – you have to change something, whether it is your routine, mindset, or something else, for you to see change in your life.

iii.

Take little baby steps – a little is better than nothing.

You cannot wake up one day, decide to change everything about yourself, and expect your new routine to stick. We are creatures of habit, and everyone who has had a sudden extreme change in their life knows how difficult it is, regardless of whether the change was for good or for bad. That is why taking baby steps is so important. I recommend you try to find out, through journaling or whatever your preferred method of self-reflection is, what you want to change, what you want to improve. Then you find a small thing you can do in each area, or even just one, that you can try to start doing. One little thing. One little thing that you can actually commit to and manage to do every day, or at least regularly. When you’ve actually managed to change your routine, and implemented a new habit, you can find something else, something a little bigger, to do. By doing it this way, and not implementing drastic changes from the beginning, you’re setting yourself up for success. If you make unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’re only going to be disappointed in yourself and lose all motivation.

To expand on the example I gave in my last point: if your goal is to start working out, and you expect yourself to suddenly workout for an hour every day, you’re going from zero to a hundred. Your first goal should be to do something almost every day, and that something can be a 5-minute stretch one day, and a 10-minute walk another day. That’s much more sustainable and realistic. Once you get into the habit of doing that, you can start setting higher expectations for yourself.

iv.

Fake it till you make it.

You won’t suddenly wake up one day with amazing confidence. By now we’ve all probably heard about Beyonce’s alter ego Sasha Fierce, but truly, there is something to it. You don’t have to create an alter ego for yourself, but you do have to embody the qualities you wish to have. If you want to become a confident person, you have to pretend to be one, even if your knees are shaking and you’re terrified. These qualities you wish to have aren’t something you suddenly gain, they are something you train yourself into. Think of them like muscles. If you want to squat a hundred kilos, you won’t get there overnight, you have to train squats with heavy weights. For you to be a confident person, you have to practise and pretend you already are one. Maybe not the best analogy, but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. In every situation you are in, act as the person you want to become, until acting like that person is your second nature.

v.

Stop worrying if other people like you – do you like them?

Instead of worrying if people like you or not, start asking yourself whether you like them. There’s a saying – “you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches.” No matter how good of a person you are, how nice, how kind, how wonderful you are – there are people who just won’t like you, not matter what. And you should not care about that. It is exhausting to try to be a person everyone likes, and it is quite frankly not possible. Stop trying to impress everyone and start asking yourself if you like them. For the longest time I was sad when a group of girls I know didn’t invite me to their parties, until I had a realisation that I literally don’t like them. I wanted to be “cool enough” to get an invitation, but I didn’t think about the fact that if I did get an invitation, I would be miserable the whole time because I don’t like them. Start living for yourself. Make decisions on your own terms and for yourself, and not to please other people who don’t care or like you anyway. Living for yourself and not caring about what other people think is almost like a superpower.

That's it for now, thank you so much for reading<3

Love, Lily

[niuniente]

I stumbled upon above image from this blog and went “Huh, that’s exactly how my fingernails grow. I know it can be a sign of a severe health problem but doctors haven’t found anything and my fingernails have looked like that for my whole life”. (I’d like to grow my nails long but I can’t because the pressure of the curving is too much and painful.)

(and here’s a pic of healthy nails, growing as they should)

I checked the origin of the photo and found the blog I just mentioned. It’s run by an English person who was diagnosed with BJHS - Benign Joint Hybermobility Syndrome. I read all the person’s experiences and symptoms and yikes! That’s me! (with overlapping IBS and iron deficiency which can’t be treated)

“Benign meaning “it will not kill me,” not that it’s all fluffy-kittens-and-sunshine. Joint Hypermobility meaning my joints move too much in the wrong ways (yes, “double jointed,” though of course I have only a single set of each joint). Syndrome meaning that this problem creates a cascade of other issues throughout my body. BJHS is a connective tissue-based disorder. Somewhere along the line, my genetics have made it so that I don’t either produce enough of, or don’t process completely, the protein collagen. Collagen is like the scaffolding for every connective tissue in  your body. Connective tissues include: skin, muscles, ligaments, tendons, hair, bones, eyes, blood vessels, spinal discs, cartilage, the intestines, the heart, the liver… basically, everywhere. In fact, I can’t actually name a part of the body that doesn’t contain it.”

Here are the blog person’s experiences VS my experiences

Insomnia: did I mention the hyper-wired, jazzed-up, over-talkative, never-shuts-down nature of my brain? That I get more hyper the more exhausted I become? That I used to sleep so lightly that my roommate in college could wake me up by writing in her journal? Did I mention that, without the right meds, I probably get one or two nights of truly deep, restful sleep… a year? Me: Yup! I sleep so slightly that when I had a flatmate, I woke up when she touched the handle of her door. Though my insomnia isn’t as bad as this persons, I do regularly need melatonin to sleep normally. Otherwise I can’t fall asleep until 8am, even if I was super tired during the day. Otherwise I sleep well.

Liver metabolism: I have serious problems processing medications, as I have a liver that is slow to metabolize chemicals. I cannot take a very long list of drugs, including most pain killers. This also includes naturopathic treatments… even my own hormones! I get side effects (or no effects) with everything I take. As my naturopath likes to say: “You just walk by a chemical, and it affects you.” Me: My shiatsu healer said that my liver is not working properly. I have hormonal problems. Even with the IUD I still get them monthly, though IUD has improved my health tremendously.

Complex PTSD and anxiety: like the stuff combat veterans get, only not quite. Caused by excessive exposure to stressful situations that one cannot escape, like, say… a bully at work (not saying that was my situation. Just as an example…). Though I received great treatment, people with BJHS are prone to stuff like this: fight or flight, remember? Me: I’m getting better but I’m 24/7 anxious more or less. I hope I can continue having anxiety medication for “bad things” like traveling. Do you know how annoying it is that you love traveling and have traveled the same journey for 10+ years and your anxiety still says “Okay but this time, something bad CAN happen!!” I was also pretty much mute for 12 years. My muscles are tense 24/7 due hyperactive nervous system and anxiety.

Heart palpitations: yucky, but harmless Me: Sometimes they happen, ugh...

Irritable bowel syndrome Me: TELL ME ABOUT IT QoQ The IUD has helped with this, too, as apparently I also have endometriosis which causes IBS to some.

Sinus problems and severe allergies (go immune system, go!) Me: YUP! Just got finally an allergy medication after sneezing daily, 20 times a day for 30 years. I new life has began! My nose isn’t running! I don’t need to have a truckload of tissues everywhere!

GERD (bad acid reflux) Me: And it gets worse with hormonal changes... I’ve got 4 different medications for this.

Poor balance and an inability to fully understand where my body is in relation to everything else. Me: Not really my issue but I do get clumsy with hormonal chances. It’s a common joke between me and my sister by now.

An inability to regulate body temperature, including both freezing extremities and excessive sweating, sometimes at the same time Me: This is genuinely THE WORST! It’s -30C outside, I go there half-naked, walk for 3 minutes and I’m sweating like a little big. All my clothes are trenched with sweat in 10 minutes. I’m inside and it’s 23C and I need wool socks and wake up with a sore throat because it’s too cold. I also “catch” the temperatures easily and shower (or sauna) is then the only option. If I catch “cold”, I will not warm up no matter how warmly I dress and sit in front of a heater. If I catch “hot”, I will not cool down even if I sat in front of a fan naked with ice-cubes on my body.

Hair that breaks easily and nails that are bent and curl off the tips of my fingers, as well as fingers that wrinkle like I’ve been in the tub for days Me: Yes. I need to use hair oil daily and baby oil for body and my eyes are like Sahara desert. Nails curve and my fingers are always wrinkly.

I have painful big toe joints, so no high heels for me. Walking long distances can be a disaster, so good shoes are very important. I suffer from plantar fasciitis, which means the bottoms of my feet hurt, especially in the morning. Me: Same. I went to doctor to complain how my toes hurt but they couldn’t find anything. My soles hurt extremely easily - like 5h walking and I’m already in pain. Doesn’t matter if I’m 45kg or 100kg in weight, it still hurts the same. Fingers hurt all the time.

My immune system is hyper-active as well, mounting elaborate, full-scale mucus or lymph node or other responses to mild colds and viruses. I’m sick a lot longer than normal people, and a lot more seriously, yet it’s not due to a poor immune system, but rather one that’s too strong. Me: Same. Last time I was sick was in 2017. It was just a normal cold but it took 4 weeks from me to recover. I was bedridden for a week. I’ve not gotten covid and despite my shitty bowl I don’t get sick easily. I don’t remember the last time I was sick prior 2017. Probably in 2007? With a bit runny nose though.

Loose connective tissues mean joints that move too easily, which means pinched nerves and pain. Think about how it feels when you throw your back out, or get carpal tunnel syndrome. Now imagine this feeling all over your body.  My nerves get pinched, causing several types of pain. I get back pain, obviously. I get numbness and mild paralysis in my thighs and hands. I get weakness in my legs and arms, and sciatica/restless leg sensations if I sit too long. Worst of all, I get parasthesia in my fingers and toes (that’s the tingling, painful sensation you get when you sit funny and your foot goes numb, then starts to wake up). I have this sensation, in varying degrees, all the time. Me: I’m literally in pain all around my body from neck below, for 24/7. Only the level of pain differs. I get easily numbness to arms and legs. I’ve started to suffer of restless legs and middle body with heavy jolting, especially if I’m tired. If I’m stressed and go to sleep, my nose and lips switch a lot.

[hellolulu]

When it comes to the mp100 ageswap AU, the most interesting thing (for me, at least) is figuring out how exactly a storyline for it would work - after all, Mob growing up without Reigen would be a totally different guy, right? Well. I have a scenario that I made up in my brain, and I'm going to do my best to explain it below!

[Edit: this ended up being sort of a prologue/backstory, so I suppose.. it's a fic now? I tried to split the sections like chapters/episodes after accidentally writing too much but oh boy this is not what I set out to do]

---------------------

After hurting Ritsu accidentally as children, Mob becomes afraid of his own power, and anxious about using it. He also becomes awkward around others in general, as he cannot imagine being able to stop himself if he accidentally hits ??? and hurts them. Ritsu is upset and angry that Shigeo has decided not to use his powers anymore, and becomes a bit cold toward him for it, but they are friendly with each other for the most part. [This is pretty much unchanged]

During middle school, Shigeo decides to join the body improvement club in order to cast aside the need for most of his powers - if not all, by focusing on his physical body. As Musashi is a kind-hearted guy, the telepathy club is invited to use the room as a place to hang out, as they cannot exist as a club without a room. Mob, who struggles a lot with physical exercise, often ends up spending a fair amount of time around Tome and the others in the club. Although at first he's bitter and cold toward her for thinking psychic powers are a good/cool thing [bitter and cold in his own way, ie "you,, don't understand what you're talking about.. psychic powers are.. dangerous.." sort of energy], eventually her genuine enthusiasm breaks him down, and he agrees to help her search for espers, while himself not expressing that he is one.

At this point, Shigeo and Ritsu don't speak much, but they are amicable toward one another. Ritsu respects that Shigeo wants to improve as a person, but is also filled with anger that Shigeo refuses to use his natural abilities, and even more anger at himself for causing Shigeo to stop using them. Ritsu becomes a bit of a danger to himself and others, and finds himself tricked/persuaded by Onigawara and crew to assist them in an attack on a neighbouring school.

Ritsu (who was only really acting out, but is generally a good guy) freaks out when met with Hanazawa, an esper that wants to hurt others, and realises why exactly his older brother has been afraid to use his powers for so long. Viewing the destruction caused by the newcomer, he engages Hanazawa in a conversation, explaining that he should be more careful with his power, that people will get hurt, and asks that he stop. Hanazawa is extremely angered by this, believing himself to be the main character of the world, and attacks Ritsu. Through an extremely painful and stressful fight, Ritsu's powers are awakened, and elsewhere Shigeo is alerted to the feeling of two espers exerting a lot of power.

However, he would rather avoid joining the fight, and waits for the energy to die down, afraid he'd only make it worse by being a third esper in the fight. Then the house phone rings, so he picks up (as neither of his parents can come to the phone). On the other end is an already very unhinged Hanazawa, telling him that he'd beaten his younger brother in a fight, and had been asked to call him to get picked up. Ritsu's thinking was partially that Shigeo would be strong enough to protect him and take him home safely, and partially that it would help Shigeo come to terms with the fact he can't avoid his powers all his life. He wants his brother to accept his powers, after all.

The call ignites Shigeo's strong feelings of protection over his younger brother, and he immediately gets up to go to where he is and save him. By the time he reaches the school, he's already at a pretty negative point emotionally, quick to become dangerous. Hanazawa is very quickly beaten up, no exchanging of names or invitations of friendship, as Shigeo clearly sees him as an enemy from the get-go (for hurting Ritsu quite badly), and the feeling is mutual (because he lost and has to accept that he's weaker than someone). Shigeo saves Ritsu, takes him home, and passes out from exhaustion pretty quickly (physcial and mental).

--

When he returns to school the next day, his memories of the previous day are hazy, but he feels awful. Tome shows him a clip from the news of a school being destroyed, where she recognises him - and with an added remark of Inukawa remembering that Mob used to say he was a psychic, she asks if it was Shigeo's doing. Shigeo, who is upset by the events he can recall, and the ones he is being shown, becomes anguished - but the members of the telepathy group say that his actions were, in a way, heroic, and he quickly calms down, surprised to hear their positive response. Tome says he kind of overkilled it and shouldn't have destroyed a school, but that he stood up for his brother and protected him, which isn't that bad a thing to do. She then complains about him hiding his psychic powers from her, though she makes light of the situation and says he's probably got his reasons for hiding them, preventing Shigeo from becoming too upset by the scolding. She suggests that he has to become confident with his powers if he wants to be a real hero-type, and tells him to consider what he wants to do with them now that people know. Luckily as the footage captured isn't too clear, the unpopular Shigeo is not noticed, and the goody-two-shoes Ritsu is considered above suspicion. [Teru may or may not have been recognised by his school board, but I'm undecided. I lean toward him being recognised, but eh.]

Mezato is also interested by the news, and begins searching for the 3 people briefly shown in the news clip, who were hard to make out in the footage (Ritsu, Hanazawa, and Shigeo) but she is no amateur. She stumbles across Ritsu and questions him, but he's dark, angsty, and passive, newly awakened to psychic powers after being extremely injured, and a fair bit traumatised from the event. She pens him down as a possible instigator, and through a cryptic line like "my brother was right about having power being a bad thing," she goes to track Shigeo down, who encourages her to stop looking into it, as it's dangerous. She keeps her eye on both of them from this point on, as she has a faint idea that this could be the scoop of a lifetime.

As a result of the fight with Hanazawa, Ritsu starts practicing with his powers in secret. He's powerful, but new to his abilities, and afraid to bump into others like Hanazawa again without being able to use psychic power properly. Especially now that he knows he's weak compared to his older brother, who was vicious during the fight - even if it was in order to protect him. However, while practicing his powers, he is approached by Hanazawa himself, who tells him he can help him train, using the same justification that Shigeo is so overwhelmingly powerful that Ritsu needs to be able to defend himself "just in case something were to set him off again". They do not see eye-to-eye on this necessarily, but Ritsu sees the use in having a talented esper to help him train, and accepts the offer.

Meanwhile, Tome is trying to encourage Mob to be more confident with his powers, and to use them to help others, like a superhero. Although they usually hung out to search for telepaths in the past, she begins using this time to encourage him to help people in ways only he can, such as tripping purse snatchers, calming down lost children, and fixing broken things, all using his innate psychic abilities. Shigeo is learning slowly to use his powers in ways that make him feel good, and eventually, one of the telepathy club members suggests that he should try to exorcise a local ghost they heard about. Tome declares it a club excursion, and they all go to the abandoned building in which the ghost apparently resides.

Once there, they discover two other espers already on the case. Shigeo is surprised to see his brother there, along with the boy who had beaten him up a month or so ago. Ritsu explains that his powers had awoken, and he's been secretly training with Hanazawa, who seems to be intensely afraid of Shigeo. Shigeo asks if this is why Ritsu has barely been home the last few weeks, says their parents are worried, and that he should go home. Ritsu says he can't go home comfortably until he can control his power, "which you should understand, nii-san" and Shigeo is conflicted to learn that he has accidentally made Ritsu fearful of a power he's recently been making peace with.

Ritsu and Hanazawa go on ahead, and Shigeo isn't sure what he wants to do, wanting Ritsu to feel comfortable with his powers, (aka, let him try and exorcise the ghost, as he had intended to for training) but also wanting to send him home and keep him safe. He also feels apprehensive about Ritsu forging a friendship with someone he considers to be a bad person. Tome suggests they follow them, just in case, and Shigeo agrees with her judgement.

The spirit causing trouble turns out to be extremely dangerous, injuring both Ritsu and Hanazawa, as well as the telepathy club members. Shigeo steps in to protect them all from the spirit, and this also means protecting Hanazawa, who has become like a second brother to Ritsu over the last month. Hanazawa suddenly realises that Shigeo is a good person, but Ritsu becomes even more anguished due to his many conflicting feelings about psychic powers - how he couldn't do anything against the spirit, how Hanazawa suddenly seems in awe of his much stronger brother, and how Shigeo is able to destroy the spirit with ease, when neither of them could do anything special.

Hanazawa leaves with Ritsu, whose personality is becoming more twisted by the minute, confused at his feelings toward himself, and with feelings of fear and jealousy toward his brother, who suddenly seems comfortable using his psychic powers. This troubles him, when he had no idea Shigeo had also been 'training' his powers all this time [aka, he's getting it into his own head that Shigeo is intending to get stronger, rather than what we know; that he's trying to gain confidence].

--

Over the next while, he spends less and less time at home, only there to eat with the family - spending most of his time with Hanazawa, who stays by him, having become increasingly worried about his motivations. On the other side, Tome continues to help Shigeo to use his powers for noble causes, while he also continues activities with the body improvement club, which now includes Onigawara, who had witnessed Shigeo defeating Hanazawa and decided to learn more about him, only to enjoy the daily life of the club and become a member for real. [This is a weak plotline, subject to change, but I like Onigawara joining the club ok]

The telepathy club, other than Tome, no longer go with them on ghost visits due to the harrowing nature of the first. Even so, they keep ears to the ground to help them seek ghost rumours out, and are supportive of the good work they do for the locals. Shigeo is happily led by Tome's enthusiasm and strong sense of justice, and continues to help her search for other espers (especially telepaths) while exorcising ghosts and doing good deeds. He relies on her greatly for her personality, and doesn't feel a need to speak up too much - she views him as her equal and follows his judgement around spirits without making him feel uncomfortable.

During high school, despite being separated, Tome and Shigeo continue to work together on weekends. They are known locally as a pair of psychics, even though only one is an actual psychic - Tome is happy to be considered a psychic by association, however, and enjoys helping Shigeo in any way she can while on the job. This usually ends up in her speaking to the people they're helping; dealing with the social aspects that Shigeo finds uncomfortable, while Shigeo focuses his energy on the psychic work. She however does adopt moves such as Salt Splash after discovering that purified salt can weaken spirits, as a mechanism for self defence in dire situations.

At the same time (high school), Ritsu and Hanazawa have begun to pick up a following of espers who feel that their powers have made them alienated from society, and who want to be treated as normal people (the awakening lab crew), who they have begun to train, also. Ritsu has become more twisted by his need to prove his strength and worth against his brother, but is battling his own thoughts on this constantly - his brother would never hurt him, but what if? [Think: the anti-villain who believes they're an anti-hero and blurs the line as they fall deeper into their mess].

Hanazawa stays by Ritsu's side to remind him not to go off the deep end, and to continue helping him understand that Shigeo isn't his enemy [nobody here is a villain technically]. He tries to encourage Ritsu to speak to his brother about his feelings while he still can, but Ritsu (who is aware that his brother is now a local celebrity due to his powers) has become prey to his feelings of inadequacy. He believes he shouldn't speak to Shigeo until he's ready to fight him and defeat him, proving his worth as an esper, and a person. Hanazawa isn't sure that's for the best, but he continues to stay by Ritsu and support him, as he feels responsible for driving Ritsu to believe Shigeo was in any way dangerous when they first met.

-- timeskip to adulthood --

As adults, (around 24/25 [pssh, "adults"]) Tome opens Spirits and Such, alongside Mob, who has no other career path in mind, and is happy so long as Tome deals with people so he doesn't have to. Outside of his work with s&s, he is a bit of a recluse, shy around others, and still a little nervous about the powers he knows he's holding back, mostly staying in his apartment to avoid danger or conflict. Even so, he continues to regularly exercise, and helps the people around town when he can, while trying not to be noticed too much [this Shigeo is more socially anxious due to Tome taking on the bulk of social activity around him while they grew up].

Shou, who had heard of their work, and shares their strong sense of justice and desire to Do Good, comes one day to visit them. He notices very quickly that Shigeo is much more powerful than he lets on, and asks directly if he's content hiding so much of his power, a little disappointed in him. Shigeo (who has an easier time talking to spirits and fellow espers) explains that as a child, he'd hurt his brother, and has never truly recovered from the trauma, leaving an almost lifelong mental block on the bulk of his power. [This is something he feels he is able to speak about with other espers, and for comedic effect, Tome probably had no idea all this time and is shocked to find out something like that happened, when she thought the first time he used his powers to fight was during the fight with Hanazawa] Shou seems to understand his issue, and takes pity on him, explaining that he'll try to help Shigeo use and control the deeper powers he holds, giving him a business card for an esper research lab, and leaving.

Ritsu suddenly disappears after finishing university, and Shigeo (without hesitation) begins to use his free time to search for him, against Tome's better judgement. He has some leads, like Hanazawa becoming a celebrity psychic, though he's not sure how to go about meeting a celebrity, and Shou's mysterious esper research lab, though he isn't sure if Ritsu even knows about that. Sadly, he doesn't know how to go about following leads, when until now he's always followed Tome's judgements, so he's so far gotten absolutely nowhere.

This is about the time that LOL cult is being formed, and Reigen, a middle school boy, finds himself in the middle of a very dangerous situation. But luckily, S&S have been asked to check the shady organisation out by local reporter and friend of the business, Mezato, and Tome is sending in her best (and only) co-worker to get the job done.

--

Oh no I accidentally wrote a half-assed ageswap AU fanfiction? [REAL] This ended up being a whole prologue and being waaaay too big for me to tell the rest of the storyline in my head in just one post.......... 😳 So uh,,, let me know if you would want more of it 😳 (I even tried to make it brief!! This is not brief!!)

[meownotgood]

how do you write so well ? can you give us any tips for anyone who wants to start writing fics ? :)

-anon from France (･ิω･ิ)

of course!!! I'm not gonna lie.... I wing a lot of stuff when I'm writing so I may not be the best at giving very solid advice 😭 but, I will share some tips that helped me, and maybe they can help you too!

practice! def the most obvious one, the more you write the more you'll be able to improve. but practice isn't just writing, you can improve so much more by reading as well. or even watching a show or playing a game, indulging in a story you really love, you can learn much from that story to improve your own writings as well

write like shit! I heard the phrase, "write drunk, edit sober" a little while ago, and it's so perfect to how I feel about the writing process. just write whatever ideas you have, don't stress about your first draft not being good, or not what you'd like. no one can write perfectly on the first try, that's where editing comes in, to smooth out wrinkles and make everything nice. it is perfectly okay if you can only write a simple outline right now because you can come back and make it beautiful. write "lol I don't know what to put here" and come back while editing, put "insert romantic scene here" and continue. and seriously, don't be afraid to write something that's "bad" or "cringe" because nobody will read your first draft but you! just speak from your heart and your head will take it from there! and if you write something you really don't like, you're under no obligation to let anyone see it. writing a bunch of crap is a part of the process. you can never improve if you put yourself down, and don't allow yourself someplace to start

find your own flow! everyone writes different, some environments might work better for you and some might not. some people write while listening to music because it helps, I cannot because my brain would turn pickled. some can write thousands of words per day, some can only write 100. do what is best for you, try different things to learn where your best flow state is. don't push yourself to write when you don't want to or more than you can, your best work will come when you are most comfortable.

write what you want! write the story you want to read. writing is hard, it's often frustrating, but the story you want to tell is something only you can do, that's why no one has told it yet. enjoy the process as much as you can, the bad and the good!

[aidenlove]

CW frank mental illness breakdown vent. OCD to be specific. Also mention of sick pet and financial issues. If any of that is potentially an issue for you right now, scroll on by friends. Not an ask for money please do not offer.

Two days ago we found our daughters cat on the floor, listless and barely responsive and hypothermic in a warm room. It had been less than 2 hours since we had last been actively interacting with him. We rushed him to the vet and they sent us home with him in critical condition. He was full on in shock, had thrown up all the water he had drank that day and peed out the rest and was massively dehydrated, was hypothermic and seizing.

And we had to go home and....wait.

He made it through the night and has been improving since, though he still won't eat and they still don't know what happened. We scoured this house, no unsecured meds or trash, no houseplants at all because we have cats, no spills of chemicals or cleaning supplies or any of those accessible to the cats. No access to outside. No contact with strangers. This looks like a poisoning of some kind, most likely accidental ingestion of something, but we have no idea what and they haven't figured it out yet either.

He will probably be there a few more days. The entire household is worried sick about him.

I can't afford any of this. I've already paid $400 and we live on $1200 a month. The rest of however much this ends up being will be due before they will release him back to us. We don't have it. Our families don't have it. We are in a poor area of one of the poorest states in the country, no one close to us has it.

And I can't make a crowdfunding campaign.

Because my brain is very very convinced that if I do that he will die.

I *know* this is the OCD. I know how and why this happens. I know several excellent coping strategies. I have medication and my therapist's phone number and even my psychiatrist's number, I could ask for an emergency script for a dose of a stronger med.

None of that is helping. Can't do it. It doesn't seem to matter how much I know this isn't true, isn't based in reality, I cannot make myself do it. I can't ask for meds because that would make me more likely to do it and my current brain, that I am living with in this moment, considers that a catastrophic possibility.

I know higher stressors will elicit more extreme responses from my brain, especially the OCD. I know my coping strategies are good and usually work well. I know why this is happening, but none of that knowing changes the fact that my child will never see their very much beloved pet, who they raised from a kitten, ever again, if I can't sort this out. And that pressure makes it *worse*. Spiraling cycle of knowing I know better, knowing this is a perfectly reasonable thing to happen *to a person with even well managed OCD*, none of that actually helping the actual situation at hand, stress of that adding to fixation strength, repeat.

I couldn't just let him die. And he absolutely would have. He is alive and slowly recovering because we got him there in time. That was, without question, the right choice.

But because my brain was severely damaged by trauma, and my body is now equally damaged and we lost 80% of our income, that choice may have cost my child one of their best friends.

And I had a procedure on my spine the day before all this happened. I pushed more than I should have just doing the drive to the vet, but I didn't care and I don't regret it. But now I'm stuck in bed, managing maybe 20 steps at a time with hours of rest between attempts. So lots of time to sit and. Well. Spiral. The distraction game isn't going well.

I try so hard to be encouraging and positive, but right now I hate my life so fucking much. It hurts so much, all the time. Sometimes, like now, it's past the breaking point. The pieces will settle and I'll put them back together, but right now I am very much broken.

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

Day ??? of being a violent angry idiot :"(

Eh I was violent again and apparently me and my so enable each other :") at the very least I wasn't super violent and I did at least some push ups to help with the tension release

I really am grateful for myself for even trying still

I'm doing better with my parents and I'm very grateful for that. Yes I inherited my worst traits from them, but I see the human in them for that.

And as the days go by, I have been improving in reducing damage

I hate meds so much I hate the way they turn me into a puppet. I'll try meds one more time but knowing what I know, I probably just need the regenerative farming produce.

Dark leafy greens and citrus are your best friends.

There is so much to be rediscovered and discovered.

Of course I'm not saying don't take your meds esp if you're already on them. Like I don't have ocd but I know life is a lot worse without meds with ocd.

Which makes me more desperate for answers.

Where are these chemicals generated, and how?

Stim break because I'm very sad and tense and I need to love myself

Life is already so hard, please don't make it harder for yourself </3

The sadness never ends, but neither does the joy.

w a t e r

(I'm thirsty lol)

*CRONCH*

Nothing will ever be the same again, for better or worse.

Flowers and plants smell so good :) sometimes I wonder if the apple feels pain when I bite it. Is it still alive in itself after long being away from the tree?

A meal with a loved one is one of the only things that really matter. Cherish your mother.

It bleeds because it loves.

I know it hurts so so much. I know how desperately you wish the flames would stop. I know you don't want to hurt people. It hurts so much and I love you so much more for trying at all. You're so much more loved than you're comfortable with.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

So how do we heal?

I guess I have to forgive myself again for making the same mistake.

I did give myself credit for being less problematic this time. But I still feel bad.

I guess that's also a lame aspect of being human and traumatized. Idk :/ I also have a REALLY bad ego problem, and very very little impulse control.

Not a good combo, guys. :/

But yknow part of the healing process is learning to deal with the shame, the guilt, giving myself the time to undo the patterns my poor brain has grown accustomed to.

Oh my poor head.

Bttw after only two minutes of angry screaming, your body needs 7 WHOLE HOURS to recover hormonally. And your immune system suffers badly during those 7 hours too.

Stress probably causes cancer and heart disease, guys. I'm going to die early and not see my potential grand babies if I keep this shit up.

I must continue in my healing journey despite the horrors.

Oh my god what a day

It was actually a nice day

I learned a lot and relaxed and actually applied to part time job for the first time this year :) my friend helped me a lot and I can never appreciate her enough <3

God what a day tho

Hey god, if you're real, I'm really sorry for talking shit to you and about you because of all these human religions and my own selfishness and pain.

I cannot imagine what it's like. I wonder.

What horrors have you seen? What horrors are you capable of? What joy have you experienced?

To feel. To be.

The constant stream of consciousness.

Well I'm gonna play ponytown and or show off my ponies in another post. Until next time, my dears. These are hard times, so you should not be hard on yourself unless it's lovingly and healthily. Goodnight and stay safe <3

[theradicalscrivener]

I’m an aspiring writer who really wants to improve how much finished work they actually write, but I struggle so much with either my ideas being too large to write (too much planning ahead, too much time spent on it, too much preliminary research before I get to writing, general scope creep) and with not feeling able to return to a WIP if I don’t finish it in one go. Do you have any tips for dealing with those?

And do you do any regular writing exercises to keep yourself limber and avoid feeling “blocked up”?

Any advice is appreciated! And thanks for sharing so much of your great work for us to read 🙏

Everyone has a different process so it's not like I can just give a blanket set of advice for anyone who wants to write, but I do have some things that I have found helps me.

First off, writing is very much a mental thing. It's a mix between imagination and the actual physical process of writing. As such, I have found that I need to take steps to keep my brain happy or else I cannot write. Sometimes, if I go through a dry spell and can't write, I take a step back and do like a checklist. Often times, if I can't write it's because I am stressed about something (often stressed by my inability to write which makes a feedback loop of even more stress). I've had times where I realized that a lot of my problems were I hadn't been sleeping much, so I'll like take something to help me sleep and then pass out for 12+ hrs. (really shouldn't have let myself get that bad in the first place, but sometimes I have to do a hard reset for my brain.) Sleep deprivation is definitely one of the biggest issues I face on the reg.

As far as your first question about how to get into larger projects. Honestly, just start writing something. It doesn't have to be the beginning. It could just be a specific scene that you wanted to try. It sounds like you're getting so overwhelmed with your own prep that you're getting paralyzed. When you actually start to write a bit, you might realize that things don't go the way you originally expected. Like, some of the world building you created doesn't quite jive with what you are trying to write or things to that effect. This is not a bad thing. I don't think I've ever had a situation where the story I write ends up exactly like what I had planned in the outline phase. The more you write, the more you get a feel for how much prep works for you. Some people do really well having lots of intense prep and then when they get to the writing phase, they can just burn through it. Some people do better with a loose framework and then just feel it out as they go. I kind of shift a bit each time. I definitely do a bit more fast and loose on short stories and one-shots, but on longer projects like novels, I will try to keep things close to the original idea.

Again, however, it's hard to predict exactly how things will play out. I used to get really upset when the scenes wouldn't work like I had hoped or I couldn't get the characters to play by the rules I had laid out for them, but I've kind of eased off the reins. Part of why I like longer form serials is because once I get a feel for who a character is, I can kind of just turn them loose and see how they react to Situations. Like, with Troy and the twins, I have written them enough that I can just set them loose. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have characters like Devon and Ashton who I try to put in situations and then they refuse. Like, what was supposed to be a short interaction spiraled into it's own full-length novel nestled within short stories featuring other characters in the series.

It's definitely different doing a short story (even ones that are directly linked) vs a novel. Like, when I am writing a short story or a standalone chapter, I rarely know what I want to do for the next chapter. Just using Trevor and Acorn since they have been the two main projects these past few months. The end of each Trevor chapter is technically an ending. The current scene is over, and there's room for more afterwards, but if the whole story ended there, things are more or less in a position that I could leave it and be satisfied.

Acorn, however, I have plot beats already laid out. I know how I want it to end, and I have ideas for the finale that I want to do. The end of each chapter is a bit of a cliffhanger. Not in a doom and gloom and there's no telling if everyone is OK sense, but there's just enough of a hook at the end to sort of tease what comes next since I already know what the main plot beats are. Although, it's more of a loose framework and not a rigid outline. There's still plenty of room to explore the space. Like, the original story I thought would be four or so chapters. It was a novella at best, and a lot of the extra substance came from characters not behaving like I had envisioned when I had the rough framework down. The original base story was just Travis gets a new job and it's him adjusting. Curtis wasn't a major player. He was just the guy that Travis kind of knew that gave him a job req. You might notice if you read the earlier chapters, it's kind of vague if Curtis and Travis are really good friends or just classmates which was kind of retconned/explained as Travis being such a skittish anxiety case that he couldn't realize/accept that a hot guy was hitting on him.

This is just a recent example to give you an idea of what I was saying when I mentioned to start writing and don't worry if things start to veer in a different direction. It's great to have larger plot points and like world meta-lore, but also accept that all that stuff is malleable. I'm in a bit of an odd position since I post everything (mostly) as I go, but I do A Lot of writing that I never post. I've got some sfw stories kicking around that maybe someday I'll get published, but that will require me to spend less time on my normal stuff, so we'll see when that happens.

Some other tips and tricks. As mentioned, a lot of it is learning what works for you. I sometimes find that I get frustrated and am hitting a wall. Sometimes, I need to power through. Sometimes, I need to work on a different story. Sometimes, I need to do something else entirely.

I like video games. Depending on how I am feeling, I'll do different styles. Puzzles, soulslikes, JRPGs, etc. There's different degrees of mentally engaging. Sometimes I need something mellow to just turn my brain off. Sometimes I need something with a story to engage with on a mental level. Sometimes I need something with a bit more of a blank slate to let my mind fill in the gaps. If done in healthy doses, hobbies outside of writing can actually help.

Imagination doesn't just exist in a vaccuum. Everything you think is derived from something else. It's hard to say what or where you will get inspiration, and trying to constantly drum up new ideas when the well has run dry will just lead to burnout. TV shows, movies, games, book. I find that when I read something, I'll often sort of play out the scenes in my mind, and then when I take a break, I will replay the scenes and start to fill in some of the blanks. It could be stuff like imagining these characters during the downtime or putting other characters in similar scenarios. It's all using your imagination, and that's a skill that you can play around with. Imagination/brainstorming/plotting/outlining are all different facets of the same skillset.

Again, this is all just me rambling on about various things that I have discovered work for me. Everyone's process is different. Everyone's needs are different. The main advice I can give is just try to write. Like, I've shown screenshots in the past of my open WIPs. I'll often have 5-10 open word documents of different stories that I am bouncing around. I'll try to do a little bit every day or so. If I don't have a specific story in mind, I'll open one of my WIPs and reread the last page or so and try to add another paragraph or two. Sometimes I spend an hour or two and only have a few lines to show for it. Sometimes, I manage to break through the part that is giving me trouble and smash through it.

The source of the writer's block itself is often difficult to pin down. Sometimes, I feel like I am fighting my characters, and I have forced a character too far out of there own personality. In that case, I'll often realize this when rereading what I wrote. It's a "he wouldn't do that" scenario, but often I can find out under what circumstances would he do that? In those cases, adding a few lines leading up to that moment will make the rest flow smoother because suddenly, the character is in a situation that makes sense for them. Sometimes, the scene gets scrapped completely. Sometimes, I have to put it on hold and add a lot of stuff to get the character into a position where they are ready to do that scene.

Sometimes, I just needed a breather. Taking a break helps a lot. Sometimes, I just needed to think on it more. So like, I'll lay in bed and scroll twitter or something and let my mind wander. I also let my mind wander a bit when working out or doing other low mental impact tasks.

I feel like I've kind of danced around your main questions without addresssing them directly, but a lot of that is because it's hard to give specific advice for how someone should handle these situations because it's different for everyone. The best I can do is sort of give examples of what I would do in that scenario. The only real actionable advice I can give is just to write some. Don't think of it as making a finished product. I don't really think of any of the stuff I do as "finished" because it will never be 100% what I think it's capable of being, but I do reach a point where I have to tell myself that this is a good stopping point.

But yeah. Just have fun with it. Play in the space. Even if you don't end up showing off the finished project, just having some fun with it will help you understand what works for you. If you're not ready to commit to your big novel/if you don't think that your pre-prep is done enough for you to actually work on the big project that you want to do, treat it like fanfiction of your own world. Just write something to see how it feels to be in that space.

[hereforthefunnyguys]

Is it too insane to ask for your nsfw Irateshipping HCs?

no no it’s not insane I just usually try to keep the blog more pg-13/R rated than x rated. However…. I really want to talk about Irateshipping more. So imma just put some stuff under the cut. Honestly I’m more worried about not having enough stuff or frankly anything thats particularly sexy than I am about having it at all lmao

(nsfw text under the cut! You have been Warned) (Hoping the cut actually. Cuts where its supposed to lmao)

-marik ishtar praise kink goes crazy I don’t make the rules. Joey once accidentally called him a "good boy" during their first time together and he literally stopped functioning. Like complete windows crash bluescreen. Only refocused when Joey sat up and shook him a little because what if he accidentally killed him with sex somehow

-Joey is actually the more experienced of the two, which was really disappointing to him because he was really counting on the idea of his sexy criminal femme fatale boyfriend that knows 5000 different sex positions and instead got stuck with a nervy little freak that does not even know what lube is

-marik doesn’t know what he’s doing but he’s very enthusiastic to try whatever sounds fun

-this is simultaneously contrasted with the fact that he cannot take much stimulation at once and gets nervous if he’s not in control (whether in a Sexy way or in a Panic Attack way is kind of a coin flip)

-Joey is kind of bad at sex the first few times tbh because he gets too nervous and ends up getting distracted and talking way too much and ruining the mood

-he seriously improves in focus and attractivenesss when marik is just like. Ok. You can do what you want physically but please. For the love of god. Stop talking in bed like that.

-Joey has a weird thing where the idea of losing control to marik is really hot but also simultaneously so absolutely terrifying and humiliating to him even in a private context that he’s just like “hmmmm stuffing that down to repress as well methinks”

-marik is perhaps a wee bit of a sadist, which does not mix well with the fact that he is also fairly submissive and wants to be cared for and cared about so bad it actually hurts

-def not a masochist though lmao

-“I want to make you feel good and make this very romantic and uh other stuff” Joey and “i have been working for 10 straight hours and just got yelled at by my dad and need to Destroy Something” Joey are two entirely different creatures in bed

-Joey, walking into the bedroom casually: Hey babe how's it go -

Marik, shaking visibly from stress: If you have sex with me right here right now and completely destroy my brain to the point i cannot think about the conversations i have had with my siblings today about what i will do with my life now that I am no longer a cult leader I swear I will literally give you whatever you want from me for at least three months

Joey:

Joey, cautiously patting Marik on the head while sitting down next to him: Okay not that that's not an incredibly hot offer but maybe let's talk about it first plea-

Marik, gripping Joey's leg hard enough to leave fingerprints: I understand that but if I have one more serious conversation today I'll start killing people again

-Marik head game goes crazy because of that long tongue until he gets too worked up and starts getting Bitey

-Joey head game mediocre because he has too much of a gag reflex but is very enthusiastic and drools a fuckton

-Marik dick game meh because he neither has the enthusiasm nor the stamina for it tbh. Gets bonus points because he has fairly good rhythm

-Joey is better because he definitely has the enthusiasm for it as well as the strength for it (plus hes stubborn enough to keep pushing even when hes exhausted lmao) but tbf tends to get really excited or distracted and so tends to be kind of irrhythmic

-i tend to not bring top/bottom Disc Horse (tm) up much but I do think Joey probably wouldn't bottom much due to both a lot of internalized perceptions about it and also because it sounds like it fuckin hurts to him lmao

-Marik is simultaneously split in between "I love my weird little pathetic creature that i occasionally allow to be graced by my divine presence in bed" and "I NEED HIM TO CRUSH MY NECK IN BETWEEN HIS BICEP AND FOREARM WHILE I GET SHOVED IN BETWEEN HIS PECS FUCK"

-In terms of like strict Dynamics i think they're probably both switches that tend to fall back into pretty gentle/vanilla dom/sub dynamic when they aren't trying anything in particular

-Joey kind of likes getting bossed around in bed but tends to argue with it if marik does not just make him shut the Fuck up because sometimes the joey instinct is stronger than the horny instinct

-I post a lot about them having fucked up gay sex but in a domestic situation I think the sex is actually pretty intimate and honestly probably one of the healthier aspects of their relationship

-At multiple times in their lives I think its probably what helps get them through the day especially Joey when he was still living with his dad and working through his debts like. just five minutes more of worrying 24/7 and struggling to survive until my beautiful boyfriend shows up and straddles my lap while kissing my forehead and removes every single goddamn thought i have ever had that isn't about him. yay :)

-suffice to say they are making it work in the bedroom

-I forgot to mention that occasionally yami marik will show up if marik gets too freaked out and that there is nothing more terrifying to joey than turning around post-afterglow and seeing a demon with hair bigger than it’s shoulders looking at you like he wants to suck the inside of your skin out in place of your previously very pretty and vulnerable boyfriend

-bonus genderbend edition: fem marik is definitely a pillow princess and joey is completely willing to deal with putting in the work because quote "have you seen her recently have you seen my beautiful girlfriend just look at her I would do anything for this sexy sexy living identity crisis on stilts"

-fem marik: I want strap this is no longer a want nor a need but rather a Demand

[rivetgoth]

Seriously distraught for this trans guy on Reddit asking for help because post-COVID he’s developed transphobic intrusive thoughts that he’s absolutely unable to shake and in his own words felt like “[he] was stupid and naive before, and finally woke up” and almost every single comment was absolute cringefail idiots being like “COVID can’t do that to you. Go to therapy.” with not only no sympathy but talking completely out of their ass. Like 75% of the time when I tell people about my experience with mental health plummeting post-COVID they very clearly do not believe me or are kinda like “huh… are you sure you weren’t just stressed out about having COVID?” and I want to grab them throttle them scream at them NO I have dealt with mental health issues my whole life and I cannot begin to put into words the absolute extreme severity of the symptoms here, it literally felt like an altered state it felt like the worst bad trip of my life I was throwing up sobbing myself to sleep having panic attacks daily, trauma resurfacing that I had not thought about in years, trying to journal would result in pages and pages of incoherent rambling about how terrified I was, FULLY convinced I had uncovered some hidden truth about the universe and that I would never be able to return to normalcy which is literally a documented sign of bad trips in altered states as well as psychosis, like this was a full-blown psychotic episode unlike anything I’d had since I was a teenager and even at my absolute most peaceful moments I had this unshakeable sense of unease and discomfort that just felt like it was my new natural state. I know other people who had this experience as well, each person I talked to who could relate reported a different way their brains turned against them and everything they believed in started raveling. My dad’s mental health plummeted post-COVID and he became convinced that the war in his home country meant there is no hope for humanity’s or his family’s future. Very real fears brought to the forefront to such an extreme degree my mom was calling me begging me to try to talk to him because he wasn’t himself. Afterwards he said it felt like a bad trip. Angel experienced something similar, I know someone else who was hospitalized for anxiety attacks twice in one week, etc. And this took MONTHS to dissipate, literally symptoms started sometime late January-early February last year and absolutely did not let up until sometime around May or June of the same year, slowly improving month by month until my head was finally clear. I had been thinking about this experience recently anyway because this is the “anniversary” of it right now and it absolutely left me with some long-term trauma I’m still working through but seeing someone else describe the exact same experience and be met with “COVID can’t do that” is shaking me to my fucking core rn lmao.

[robinsnest2111]

Hey everyone.

I have thought about this situation for 4 months at this point, have listened to lots of opinions, talked to lots of people (in and out of fandom spaces), and have finally come to some kind of conclusion for myself.

It's gonna be a long one and I don't want to clog up anyone's dash, so

To reiterate: I do understand where the concerned messages were coming from. The last thing I want to do is cause anyone harm. I also understand the subject matter is quite touchy, polarising and controversial (being German and having been educated about the horrendous ideology and crimes of Hitler and the Nazis since I was old enough to understand).

I've been part of the Hogan's Heroes fandom for almost 5 years ever since I watched two episodes on German afternoon TV, have reblogged dozens of posts and shared my own fan creations without anyone finding any fault with it, up until I reblogged a particular piece of fan art in January and received the first couple asks. This, among other things, has caused me great confusion and has made me question my entire thought process, mental framework, moral compass, and existence as a human being on this earth.

I've been in a therapy program for other reasons since mid-March and have discovered that the, as I had previously believed, unrelated reasons play into the current situation A LOT.

[boring mental health ramble ahead]

I have discovered I am still very much a serious people pleaser, do not have proper boundaries, do not value myself as highly as I do everyone around me, have no clear sense of self, am extremely afraid of hurting people without meaning to, being a nuisance and causing displeasure of any kind or giving any reason for confrontation.

Which is why I am also afraid of making mistakes (real or perceived) due to past (and current) experiences. Harmful mistakes, simple inconsequential oopsies, small disagreements and differences in opinion seem to all be on the same level of severity in my brain when pointed out to me. I was punished and reprimanded for all of them the exact same way for all of my childhood and adolescence.

It's high time I learn the difference and no longer take every single thing to heart and punish myself as severely as my parents did, stop frantically erasing every instance of my "wrongdoings" to appease everyone and prevent potential future harm, and not isolate myself from the rest of the world in a twisted attempt at protecting people I care a lot about from the useless horrible unlovable harmful monster that I feel I am in these situations. I cannot punish myself into making less mistakes or being better.

I also need to work on exploring and setting reasonable boundaries to take proper care of myself and my mind. I now know being a people pleaser and diminishing myself, always conforming to what others expect of me, always aiming for being perfectly fault/mistake-free 100% of the time, always taking the path of the least resistance, hiding behind a pleasant mask, constantly bowing to everyone else's will, have served me well in the past. These coping strategies protected me when I was weak and confused and hurting and defenseless. I'm an adult now. But I still tend to fall back into these familiar patterns in times of stress and moments of confrontation. I need to do better. For myself and others. Even if that means not being nice and bland and palatable for every single person on this planet.

[boring mental health ramble end]

Which is why I want to set an important boundary to improve my online experience.

In my opinion: FICTION =/= REALITY

Finding joy in a silly American 1960s comedy show (with an even more tame and hilarious German dub) set in a POW camp in 40s Germany and featuring fictional nazi characters, most of which are portrayed as not agreeing with the system they're serving under, even aiding the efforts of Hogan and his team of allied spies sabotaging the German war effort, but playing along to stay under the radar, are always the butt of the joke and end up as losers at the end of each episode

IS NOT THE SAME AS

glorifying, celebrating or supporting real life (neo)nazis and their awful goals and deeds.

I fully understand seeing such characters without any context is jarring and uncomfortable and, in some cases, triggering.

This is why I want to point out I have a decent tagging system in place. Before panic-deleting, I've used both "hogan's heroes" and "ein käfig voller helden" on relevant posts. I'm sure both can easily be muted on desktop and on mobile.

I am also offering to add extra tags for people who'd like to keep following me but do not want to see anything relating to this fandom (in case I feel comfortable to rejoin/participate again at some point) or fictional nazis on their dash. Send me an ask with what term(s) you'd like me to use and I will make it happen, no questions asked.

If that is not enough, I will have to kindly point out the Unfollow and Block buttons.

I want everyone's online experience to be as enjoyable and pleasant as possible but I finally need to extend that same courtesy to myself.

To be perfectly honest, there's still the petrifying fear that voicing my thoughts and decisions will make me lose people I care about but this has to be done, for my mental wellbeing. Because that's what's most important at the end of the day.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

[spoopy-action-at-distance]

Petition to rename fibromyalgia "Bullshit Disorder". Not in the "made up bullshit" sense, but in the sense of "what is this bullshit?"

Much of said bullshit I'm already on very familiar terms with. But thanks to what I suspect is a funky interaction between my already wonky physiologicl regulation, additional burnout, and an additional-additional high-stress event, I am currently experiencing a Whole New Level of the bullshit. I cannot overstate how unspeakably Stupid it is and how much I Do Not Like It.

An example: The weather is cool and very wet. This is not new, and generally speaking I know how to deal with this. However, instead of starting to feel cold like normally, I will feel progressively worse and worse emotionally. This creeping sense of Seemingly Entirely Mental Badness gradually grows until everything that comes to mind just looks Bleak and Hopeless right off the bat. I can fight the impression, but it takes conscious effort with every. single. thought.

Then I put on something warm, like three layers of clothing and a sleeping bag. And like magic, poof! My mood improves almost instantly. Happy now, all is well in the world again. However, the downside of this is that all the joints in my body will now start to ache fiercely and turn my brain into hazy feverish mush.

What fresh hell is this. I don't want it. I miss my old friends, Random Knife In The Hip and Woke Up Too Fast So Might Throw Up And Faint. I want them back instead.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Hi Darunia.

How's it going?

What did you think of my game idea for DotNW?

Do you ever get scared of getting Heart Disease (the clogged artery kind)?

1, It's going pretty well. I'm still catching up on things.

2.

And if you're talking about these posts, I think it's really nifty! I do think it would be an overwhelming amount of content to get through with all the extra side content. But I appreciate how much you want to see all your faves together.

3. I generally try not to worry myself with stuff I can't control because being afraid doesn't help anything. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid. But it means that I try to act on useful concerns and ignore anxious fear.

Think of it this way: If there's something you can do, right now, to fix/help your odds at preventing heart disease, take those steps right now. Plan a healthier diet, exercise, take care of your health, visit your doctor regularly. If you're already doing the best you can and there's nothing you can change, then it doesn't help anything at all to worry about it. I know it's easier said then done. I worry about a lot of things that I can't help. You can't just decide not to have anxiety about something. But if your worrying only stresses you out because there's nothing you can do about it, it's not healthy to dwell about it. Focus on distracting yourself because worrying about something you cannot prevent or improve your odds against just makes you suffer unnecessarily. Obviously it's not an irrational thing to be afraid of. But it's pointless to let fear paralyze you into not living your life. You just have to do your best and enjoy the time you have on this earth and make the healthiest choices you're able to make. It IS scary to think about. So I don't. I do my very best to not think of it. Instead I focus on things I can change and things that bring me joy. Cooking my own meals helps me make healthier decisions and brings me joy. So I try to cook my own foods. Playing video games and hanging out with friends helps keep my mind in a good place with less anxiety.

I find that it's harder to stop irrational anxiety when I'm overly tired. If I stay up too late, my brain spirals into anxiety when I try to go to sleep. So I try to go to bed before I get too tired.

When all else fails, I do my best to find things that make me laugh. I can't be upset if I'm laughing. Sometimes it's enough to just hear a human voice so that I don't feel alone with my thoughts.

Fear exists for a reason. It keeps us alive. But there are only 2 ways to deal with it. Either you address it, confront it, let it motivate you to change things for the better, or you ignore it because it isn't helping you.

So that's what I try to do. Hopefully that was helpful?

[mejomonster]

Can Ci Pin, more chapters 1 notes: Eden eradicating anxiety and negative emotions gives me -.- not good impressions. Like... I guess maybe in a way having Less Stressed humans would be Good. But solving it by messing with their brain instead of improving the environment causing rhe stress sounds very (is it the book Aldous Huxley Brave New World) fucked. And Eigth Galaxy sounds like... sci fi parallel for imperialism, for countries being used and abused by the richer ones. Like why did they think this Eden solution is so Perfect if there's still suffering in a Whole Galaxy. What justifies Eden NOT helping Eigth Galaxy? Is it on purpose. Did Eigth Galaxy want its freedom. Is this a cultural values clash with Eden having more power and therefore writing the narrative. Mm.

Also. The schooling. While I'm going to suspend my disbelief that "40 hours" is enough for full education? I notice rhe book says "without needing understanding." So like... idk if priest made it this deep but... do you know how awful human education if if we skip critical thinking/questioning/learning to understand and explore and figure things out??? In fact learning TO learn and figure things out and Question and determine our beliefs and what seems to have evidence and learning to appreciate other viewpoints is possibly the most critical thing we learn from school. We can learn math from a book, but we must learn how to question to be the person who develops new math and new physics. We can learn science facts from a book, but to learn HOW to come up with questions and form a hypothesis and test it is the part that will serve us when we get to the point of new things not yet discovered/known. And we must grasp how to understand, to hear each others Very Different perspectives and figure out how to integrate them and value them as different and useful in some sense even if it's just to help us see how Another views things. Understanding and learning HOW to is critical... I'm very wary of an education system that never teaches that. That sounds like it would result in worker drones who cannot think for themselves, cannot evolve or grow or improve on their own, who struggle to fix their own problems. Oh yikes.

On a (somewhat) lighter note. I suspect the Boy is our lead, and Lin will be the love interest. So now I'm 3 for 3 priest novels I've read wirh a big age difference between leads. I'm excited.

On a heavy note? They said the military personnel have to b3 disconnected from Eden sometimes. On the one hand? Good for them, they need to develop critical thinking and problem solving skills to be good at doing tasks without being in range of eden! So like yeah they'd need the skills even if worker bees don't. Downside? Oh well fuck I guess the soldiers are still WIDE OPEN for developing trauma and ptsd. While being put in situations much mkre likely to cayse trauma then "utopia with problems solved" that is Eden.

This‌ ‌is‌ ‌a‌ ‌world‌ ‌without‌ ‌Eden.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌AI‌ ‌tour‌ ‌guide’s‌ ‌voice‌ ‌broke‌ ‌the‌ ‌silence.‌ ‌“Deserted,‌ ‌cramped‌ ‌and‌ ‌lifeless;‌ ‌you‌ ‌cannot‌ ‌even‌ ‌communicate‌ ‌with‌ ‌public‌ ‌service‌ ‌robotics.‌ ‌

Unfortunately,‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌of‌ ‌our‌ ‌friends‌ ‌are‌ ‌still‌ ‌in‌ ‌this‌ ‌kind‌ ‌of‌ ‌environment.”‌ ‌

A‌ ‌few‌ ‌children‌ ‌whispered‌ ‌to‌ ‌each‌ ‌other.‌ ‌“Is‌ ‌it‌ ‌the‌ ‌Eighth‌ ‌Galaxy?”‌ ‌

Xxxxx

Miss,‌ ‌I‌ ‌heard‌ ‌that‌ ‌a‌ ‌portion‌ ‌of‌ ‌Galactic‌ ‌Soldiers‌ ‌are‌ ‌required‌ ‌to‌ ‌block‌ ‌out‌ ‌Eden‌ ‌when‌ ‌they‌ ‌enlist...like‌ ‌the‌ ‌people‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌Silver‌ ‌Fortress,‌ ‌is‌ ‌that‌ ‌true?”‌ ‌

“Yes,‌ ‌it‌ ‌is.‌ ‌These‌ ‌soldiers‌ ‌often‌ ‌need‌ ‌to‌ ‌travel‌ ‌far‌ ‌and‌ ‌into‌ ‌dangerous‌ ‌places‌ ‌in‌ ‌order‌ ‌to‌ ‌protect‌ ‌us.‌ ‌Many‌ ‌of‌ ‌these‌ ‌places‌ ‌are‌ ‌also‌ ‌not‌ ‌under‌ ‌the‌ ‌service‌ ‌network‌ ‌of‌ ‌Eden,‌ ‌so‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌part‌ ‌of‌ ‌their‌ ‌training‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌used‌ ‌to‌ ‌situations‌ ‌without‌ ‌Eden’s‌ ‌protection,‌ ‌along‌ ‌with‌ ‌zero-gravity‌ ‌and‌ ‌physical‌ ‌training‌ ‌for‌ ‌military‌ ‌personnel.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌AI‌ ‌answered‌ ‌patiently‌ ‌with‌ ‌a‌ ‌smile.‌ ‌“Do‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌join‌ ‌the‌ ‌Silver‌ ‌Fortress‌ ‌when‌ ‌you‌ ‌grow‌ ‌up,‌ ‌my‌ ‌little‌ ‌friend?”‌

“I‌ ‌do!‌ ‌My‌ ‌father‌ ‌is‌ ‌a‌ ‌retired‌ ‌Galactic‌ ‌Soldier.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌little‌ ‌boy‌ ‌stood‌ ‌up‌ ‌proudly.‌ ‌“He‌ ‌said‌ ‌that‌ ‌the‌ ‌‘Silver‌ ‌Ten’‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌‘Silver‌ ‌Fortress’‌ ‌is‌ ‌the‌ ‌strongest‌ ‌military‌ ‌unit,‌ ‌and‌ ‌Commander‌ ‌Lin‌ ‌is‌ ‌our‌ ‌ultimate‌ ‌guardian.”‌ ‌

(The contrast here as Lin the PERSON being seen as a Guardian, versus Eden the SYSTEM)

“This‌ ‌may‌ ‌not‌ ‌be‌ ‌entirely‌ ‌correct‌ ‌since‌ ‌we‌ ‌are‌ ‌not‌ ‌at‌ ‌war‌ ‌right‌ ‌now,‌ ‌so‌ ‌our‌ ‌ultimate‌ ‌guardian‌ ‌is‌ ‌Eden.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌AI‌ ‌tour‌ ‌guide‌ ‌softly‌ ‌corrected‌ ‌the‌ ‌child‌ ‌as‌ ‌she‌ ‌ruffled‌ ‌his‌ ‌hair‌ ‌gently.‌

Xxxx

Every‌ ‌little‌ ‌boy‌ ‌had‌ ‌dreamed‌ ‌of‌ ‌becoming‌ ‌a‌ ‌hero‌ ‌once.‌ ‌

Yet‌ ‌the‌ ‌real‌ ‌adult‌ ‌‘heroes’‌ ‌are‌ ‌never‌ ‌busy‌ ‌saving‌ ‌the‌ ‌world;‌ ‌their‌ ‌real‌ ‌jobs‌ ‌are‌ ‌often‌ ‌playing‌ ‌political‌ ‌games,‌ ‌competing‌ ‌for‌ ‌power,‌ ‌manipulating‌ ‌enemies,‌ ‌blackmailing,‌ ‌and‌ ‌framing‌ ‌one‌ ‌another…

(Love right here the fucking reality of corruption shattering the utopian child like view of the world)

[izanyas]

Hello. I just saw your post about the epilepsy surgery 🥺 I'm very sorry you have to suffer like this and cannot get rid of the illness for good without damaging your life... is there no other method available? Some type of intervention/therapy that can help?

In the mean time, are you alright? Like, tge medicine that you are taking now is it working?

I hope i dont come across as too nosy. Wish you all the best! 💝

aw you are so sweet... my treatment works very well, the only issue is that if i forget to take it even for just one or two days, the withdrawals trigger seizures, including grand mal ones. i hate depending on meds like this which is why i'm in a dilemma haha

unfortunately therapy is no use for epilepsy since it's a neurological disorder, not a mental illness. my brain just fries itself sometimes for no reason. youve never seen a rave as epic as my neurons when the seizure starts

but i'm fine! i've had this illness since 2018, got diagnosed in 2020, and since then it's definitely improved. i used to get up to 3 seizures a day, now i almost never get any except if i'm excruciatingly tired or stressed or if i forget my meds. there's still symptoms outside of the seizures unfortunately (sleep issues... i sleep for hours any time i lie down) but it's manageable.

sorry for babbling i'm always wordvomiting about epilepsy because 1) i hate having it 2) i am so fascinated by it my neurologist has to give me full lectures every time i see him before my curiosity is satisfied

here if you're curious about the kind of seizures i get. epilepsy is insane