#and that it's okay

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

Oops all hallucinations! We love a good trauma reveal! Also this is another instance where this would be REALLY toxic if it weren't these two specific people and I had so much fun writing it.

TWs: Hallucinations, discussion of trauma, mentioned suicidal thoughts

"What's wrong now?" Dimitri's voice snapped Mariano out of his focus. He was sitting on the other end of the couch, brown eyes narrowed and lip curling in annoyance. "What's the face for?"

"What?" Mariano asked, blinking. He looked up from his book.

"That face you're making. What's it about?" Dimitri repeated slower, the barbs in his tone slipping right past Mariano without sticking.

He never did dwell on how Dimitri sounded, especially not after their stint in captivity together. "I'm seeing if the noise outside is real." He said, settling back into the couch and letting his shoulders relax. "If you didn't hear it, then it wasn't."

Dimitri blinked. "What noise?"

"I heard Laredo screaming." Mariano answered, turning to the next page. "You know, like he used to in the training room. I wasn't sure if he needed help."

Dimitri was quiet until Mariano looked up at him again.

"What?" Mariano asked, taking his turn to sound irritated. "You know, the screams?"

"Mariano, what the actual fuck are you talking about?" Dimitri asked, brow creasing as he stood and strode over. Before Mariano could ask what he was doing, the back of Dimitri's hand pressed to his forehead. "You aren't feverish, so you actually mean all of this." He muttered.

"What do you mean I actually mean all of this?" Mariano asked, jerking backwards when Dimitri reached to check his temperature at his neck.

"I mean that I have literally never heard anything like what you're talking about." Dimitri didn't let up, thumbs pressing delicately up under the curve of his jaw. "That's not normal. How long have you been hearing that?"

"Since I was in prison? I don't know, around my twenty-first birthday?" Mariano raised his hand up, pushing Dimitri's away. "What do you mean? You don't hear them? You don't just hear someone scream upstairs sometimes? You don't wake up to it some nights or have to look outside to see if a kid is hurt?"

Dimitri shook his head, frowning deeply. "Good god, no. I mean, my meds stop that kind of thing from happening anyway, but Mariano you--are you saying you've been hallucinating for over ten years and just didn't say anything?" He asked, aggression winding into his voice.

"I thought it was normal!" Mariano had set his book aside, tossing his hands into the air. "People talk about being haunted by stuff that they've done, I thought that was my thing to be haunted by! It's always people that sound like they're being murdered, it makes sense!"

"How does it make sense?" Dimitri snapped.

"Well it wasn't fun to have to listen to people beg for their lives before killing them!" Mariano snapped right back. "And it's not like prison really did anything about the crimes we committed--"

Dimitri growled, grabbing the front of Mariano's shirt and hauling him to his feet. He got in Mariano's face, nose-to-nose. His reading glasses clicked as they touched Mariano’s.

"That's it. That's what it is." He spoke low, locking eyes with Mariano. "You didn't question it because it felt like a punishment." Dimitri was all but snarling now. "I heard your testimony and sentencing, you know. You asked them to execute you. You cried when they didn't."

Mariano looked away. He didn't fight. He didn't talk back.

"You don't get to decide whether or not you're done being punished anymore." Dimitri said. "As your former leader and one of your boyfriends, I do.

"You skate by with that flat affect and think no one fucking realizes what's wrong with you." Dimitri dropped Mariano, shoving him back onto the couch. "Call your therapist and then book an appointment with a psych."

He watched Mariano hesitate. "And if you don't, I'll tell Bastian." Mariano glared as he took out his phone.

Once the call was made, and a message was left for the receptionist, Dimitri sat down next to him and pulled him close. He pressed the book back into Mariano's hands, tugging his head down to rest on his shoulder. Tension began to slowly slip from Mariano's shoulders as Dimitri started playing with his hair.

"Thank you." Mariano muttered, going quiet as he settled in more fully against Dimitri with a sigh. "I didn't mean to hide it."

"I know." Dimitri said, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "But that's why you have me. And the others, I guess."

[adulthoodisokay]

happy new year, y’all

[classycookiexo]

[plaguedocboi]

We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

[greelin]

if someone told me my blood smelled and tasted good i would be over the moon. this is on account of my nature

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[apollos-boyfriend]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

[specks-of-time]

[aromantic-diaries]

The bisexual to aroace pipeline is pretty much having the right idea and coming to the wrong conclusion. Yeah buddy you're not straight and you're also not gay. No not like that though, the other way around

[personaglitch]

"Self insert characters are cringe"

Bro I'm trying to survive capitalism with maladaptive daydreaming. Leave me alone.

[permdaydreamer]

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.

[myclericalromance]

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

[aesthetic-uni]

It’s that time of the year again

[edwardbonnets]

how to ask the demon you've been smitten over for 6000 years to dance: an angel's guide

bonus:

[shesnake]

full offence but I do NOT watch movies so I can "turn my brain off" I take this shit so seriously

[whatkindofnameisella]

can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.