#and the cape would probably work better with a rogue or some such but its MINE

[devotedlystrangewizard]

dad said it was my turn on the torture table

[wandixx]

Ghost of fries and Hero of cookies part 4

All work words count: 14 643

Words in this part: 2999

Summary of whole work: Duke wasn't expecting to wake up from his quick rooftop nap to some meta kid with fries. He also wasn't expecting kid to stay

Or

Danny asked Dani to stay safe while she was in Gotham. Where would she be safer than under the wing of local hero? And he looked like he needed bad day combo anyway

This part summary: Dani haven't considered how hard it can be to save people from house fire

Beta read by @audhumla-sailor though English is second language for both of us, so proceed with this in mind. I also know all of the charaters through fics alone, so probably ooc. Stay catious if it's something you don't like

First part, Previous part

Trigger warnings: house fire, panic attacks, temporary character death (am I over dramatic to say this if background child character's heart stops for a long moment and Dani hears it?) slight dissociation (tell me if I missed something, I'll fix it)

Dani proved to be useful addition to Duke’s patrol routine even though she couldn’t always join him, had very little actual training and was a certified mess most of the time. It was nice to banter with her in the free time, she did help when needed and her enhanced hearing was great in finding trouble he would otherwise overlook. She also often brought snacks (he did too, because girl had no idea what was healthy and in the love of god, if he didn’t try to get her in better habits). 

“Fire on seven. Some people are stuck inside,” Dani blurted out and flew faster than baseline person should be able to withstand. Duke run and grappled after orange blur she became. It was less than perfect that she couldn’t tell more specifically where things were going down, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t train. 

They rarely intervened with fires, unlike Gotham’s police and CPS, firefighters here worked pretty great. Dani knew this, so her going there in the first place meant something was up.

On a fly he grabbed his gas mask. It was made to withstand Scarecrow and Joker when they released their toxins and not smoke so it should do its job. He hoped that Dani would stop before entering so he could give her spare mask and well, coordinate. But she didn’t, of course. What did he expect from kid who body tackled Joker’s goon without second thought about idk, four other goons with guns being in the same room! He only saw end of her cape in between flames when he swung to the right street. Duke made sure his mask was secure when he stopped on a nearest save rooftop to assess the situation. Fire was too big to be put out with personal means like fire extinguishers so all they could do was to evacuate. 

“Hoopoe, you reckless idiot, don’t die in here,” he muttered, sure she would hear him before grappling inside too.

***

About five seconds after entering building, Dani decided that she didn’t like fires. It probably came from her time in Amity but she was far more comfortable when she could beat the root of the problem into submission. Also, it was surprisingly loud, like need-to-cover-her-ears-for-a-hot-moment type of loud. Not louder than a rogue attack, it would be really hard to beat that level of noise but fire was worse in some way. It was somewhat similar to nails on a blackboard. Not in a sound per se but in a vibe she got from it. How she couldn’t tune it out like she usually did.

She straightened herself and dove ahead to the nearest person she heard. Smoke rendered her eyes nearly absolutely useless. Though she saw, heard and felt enough to find safe routes. Of course she could go intangible and in theory wouldn’t be affected by anything from physical realm but even when intangible fire kept burning for some reason and she would prefer to stay raw to being crispy. Rescued people should stay unfried too.

She didn’t quite remember first few rescues, just that it went smoothly, she took a leaf from Danny’s book, throwing some puns and references she didn’t quite knew but from context thought they would fit. Then once outside, she kept telling them to wait for paramedics and went back inside. She was more and more on edge for some reason.

She was really glad she didn’t need to breathe as much.

Middle-aged man grabbed her arm and shook her violently, asking to save his children.

“Fourth floor, fifth window to the left. Please save them!” man cried. Dani felt kinda like snapping but took deep breath to stop herself from it. Signal would be disappointed if she yelled at panicking civilian. She could kinda relate to the man anyway. She was probably also panicking.

“I’ll save them, I promise,” she said instead, phasing out of his grip.

She heard them, little boy weakly whispering to his sister that everything would be alright as soon as the heroes would get to them. His voice was hoarse, choked, interrupted by shallow breaths while the girl sobbed. Dani darted their way. Fire unit and medics were finally getting closer.

Girl yelled when caped hero appeared in room full of smoke. They both were sitting, older boy slightly swaying.

“It’s okay, I’m here to get you out to your dad,” she soothed, grabbing them both into a hug like carry. She barely jumped away from under the crushed lamp that fell where they were half a second before. Girl yelped.

“It’s okay, I got you, it’s okay,” she muttered, hoisting kids into more comfortable position. She flew nearest way out of the rom, looking for a clear spot on an outer wall. Her stomach dropped and core spasmed when she realized that boy stopped breathing, going limp in her arms. She was panicking throughout whole of this fire rescuing mess but only then she became frantic.

Maybe it was because of the smoke that kept cluging in her throat. She didn’t need to breathe as often but now she felt like she was suffocating and was suddenly all too aware of each bit of air she managed to swallow in her lungs.

She almost dropped when they finally got out. It took less than a second for her to fly to the kids’ father. She put girl down a little to hastily before gently laying boy n the pavement. Adult was beginning to hyperventilate and honestly Dani wasn’t too far behind him. She wished Signal was there. He would know what to do. Dani only had been on one first-aid course and she spent the better part of it on reviewing memes.

She had to remember something!

Breaths! She had to make absolutely sure if he was breathing!

She remembered practicing this one, so she did as instructed, counting to fifteen instedad of ten for a good measure. Then to twenty just to be safe. She knew she was counting too fast anyway.

Boy wasn’t breathing.

He wasn’t breathing!

She wished her ears were deceiving her but there was no heartbeat too!

What was she supposed to do now?!

Oh, right, she remembered chest compression thing from movies. She could do it.

Someone yanked her back, so hard she almost hit her head.

“You’re doing it wrong. I’m nurse, I’ll do it,” young woman declared, already kneeling were Dani was mere seconds ago, unzipped boy’s hoodie and got to work. Only then halfa realized that they got circled by small crowd of people rescued from building. Two of them were calming boy’s family down. She would use some comforting too.

She scrambled to her feet, racing out the crowd. Nobody even glanced her way.

She turned around and flew back inside the burning building.

Why did it feel like running away?

*

First ambulance arrived three rescues after the boy. Dani was so relieved she had to stop for a moment because her knees buckled and flight betrayed her for a hot second. She heard only four other people inside and Signal. They would finish soon enough.

Good.

Her head was spinning slightly.

“Congratulations, you are being rescued, please do not resist” she announced with forced confidence, appearing next to the man who probably was in a gang. Thankfully he didn’t fight her. When she was back in Central City one of the Flashes told her to make sure that people know she was trying to help them especially if they seemed like the type to choose fight over other crisis responses. This man certainly did. He almost punched her anyway.

Next was boy who was far too little to be left alone. She gave him her cape. She assumed he could use the comfort it gave her. There was a reason she choose comfiest blanket to this role.

She heard Signal making his way to the last victim but for some reason it was slow going. She flew up there after the last reassuring words to the boy.

She learned why Signal got stuck about three seconds after appearing on the right floor. It was a literal epicenter or whatever it was called. The root of the problem. The literal Hell on earth. Dani stopped for a moment, downed by the coughing fit and tears making her sight absolutely useless.

Signal was talking to someone. Asking them to calm down. She wasn’t sure. Dani forced herself to stand up and go see what was happening. She was probably swaying a little.

There was young woman in the middle of the fire. There was no scent of burning skin or hair so Dani assumed there were some powers involved. Thankfully most likely she wasn't a ghost. Dani wasn’t in the right headspace to fight a ghost and as cool and competent as Signal was, he couldn’t fight ghosts either.

Woman was visibly terrified. She kept screaming, begging Signal to go away because she was too dangerous to be so close. Hero tried to talk her down. She yelled that it was all her fault and she shouldn’t be saved.

Oh.

Woman had to just learn about her ability and lost control over it. Go big or go home, right? She didn’t exactly have home anymore so…

Dani barely kept herself from hysterical laughter.

Ghost fights were so, so much easier, she just had to beat the cause of the problem into submission and trap it in the thermos. No persuade it into stopping.

It was all too hot, too loud, too suffocating.

Dani could barely think.

Creaking of the ceiling boomed through her brain, somehow getting over the overwhelming cackle of fire that made her just want to hide in the corner and cry, even ignoring absolute onslaught to her other senses.

Ceiling was going to fall down and crush all of them.

Dani could barely think, so she didn’t.

She forgot to turn intangible when she crushed through window, meta woman held tightly in her arms. Thank Ancients she was durable enough to not break her head for that. Signal could handle himself. Hopefully.

Dani gasped on fresh air. She felt lightheaded, barely cognizant from instinctual relief to be out. She was free falling, her body limp, eyes half-closed, wind rushing in her ears and on her face. It was paralyzing but not in a bad way.

It felt good.

It felt like freedom.

It felt like something she could do for the rest of eternity.

It felt-

“HOOPOE!” panicked yell cut through her haze.

Right.

She was plummeting to the ground. She held someone. They would die when they crushed.

She should stop falling.

Could she do it? 

She had to.

She dropped off the blue haired woman with the nearest medic squad and ran. Or flew. She wasn’t quite sure. Her brain still didn’t feel right. But she knew she had to leave.

Next thing she knew was the pain from practically collapsing on a wall and dumpster she hid behind. From what, she had no idea. She had no idea about anything.

So she did only thing she still could.

Dani cried.

***

Duke was getting frantic in his search for Dani after that room collapsed. He knew she made it out, he saw her falling head first to the ground. He was trying to catch her but he knew he couldn’t do it on time. And then she caught herself, left Abigail with medics and flew away in a blur. And Duke couldn’t go right after her because some cop had questions. Duke did his best to wrap it up quickly but still by the time he could look Hoopoe was nowhere to be seen. He was straining his eyes trying to see any sign of her but other than the boy with her cape as a blanket there was nothing. He was tempted to ask Babs for help.

Scratch that, he didn’t have time to do this on his own. Pride and this stupid bet be damned. He turned on his comm, not bothering to go off the main channel.

“Oracle, I need you to search for white-haired preteen girl dressed in white and black. Somewhere near Rossaire street. Probably there will be no clear footage”

“Need help in search?” Steph chimed in gently “Spoiler can be there five minutes flat”

Duke considered it for a moment. Steph knew how Dani looked (as much as anyone who saw her only in photos could know how she looked) and wanted to meet girl anyway. She could be useful help. On the other hand, she mentioned before she had some important stuff. And he wasn’t sure how Dani would react to someone unknown finding her in this state. Last thing he wanted was scaring girl even more. He searched road for Dani’s past light, again.

“No, don’t worry. She just got a little overwhelmed”

“Alright, good luck with finding your kid then”

“She is not my kid!”

“Signal who-” Bruce grunted but got interrupted by Babs.

“Turn right, she entered blind zone but I can lead you there”

“Thanks O”

“No invisibility?” Steph mused.

“Thank God for that,” Duke answered, while grappling to the left. He shoot forward as fast as he could ”Or maybe not. She has to be quite out of it”

“Left again”

“Signal, who are you looking for?” Bruce asked again.

“Next alley to the right. It’s the last place I can see her”

“Thanks O.”

“Signal-”

“Later B.”

Duke landed in the alley, turning his comm off. He knew that sooner rather than later he would have to explain himself and would probably get endless teasing but it wasn’t important at the time. He searched again for past light. He run after glimpses. He stopped when he heard sniffle from behind a dumpster. He slowed down, approaching loudly. It wouldn’t do any good to scare her.

“Hoopoe?”

Her breath hitched. Duke sat down next to her far enough to not invide her personal space but close enough to make her feel not alone.

Her face was black from ashes and smoke other than where her mask was and cleaner tracks her tears were making.

Her mask was laying on a ground (clearly forcefully thorn off which ouch), cape obviously nowhere in sight. When she calmed down, he would ask what happened with it. It would probably be a good distraction. But not now.

“Hey kid. Can you try breathing a little slower for me?”

She mumbled something, inaudible between loud wheezing.

“I know it’s hard but I’m sure you can do it. Who if not you?”

Girl visibly tried, shifting around as if she tried to find some much needed comfort. Clearly, the lack of pressure her cape was giving her wasn’t helping.

“How about you try putting hand on my chest and matching my breathing? It often helps”

She moved her hand and he led it to his chest. Dani shuddered.

Slowly, telegraphing his movements Duke extended his arm and put it across Dani’s shoulders. Girl leaned into it with choked sobs.

“I know it was scary,” he muttered as she shook silently “You did so well, Dani”

Girl let out quiet, high-pitched whine that didn’t sound quite human, trapping him in the hug much stronger than child her age should manage. He rubbed her back gently.

They sat in silence, as girl relaxed a bit.

“I officially despise fires. Just not my vibes, y'know,” was the first thing she managed to say. Duke smiled, still trying to comfort her. He knew far too well what she was trying to do. He let her. Every hero needed to retreat to humor every once in a while. Majority of his family and associated vigilantes did it constantly.

“Right here with you”

She looked at him, searching for something on what little she could see on his face.

“You see more, don’t you?” she asked but didn’t wait for an answer “It was too much even with normal eyes. How can you be so calm?”

“I have normal ears and after fifth or tenth time it loses its charm”

“Yeah, okay,” she wheezed out “I didn’t expect the fire to be so loud. And smoke was a bit much in terms of texture and smell and everything”

“I would give you a mask if you waited, you know?”

He felt more than saw how she shrugged. It seemed like she wasn’t exactly listening to him anymore.

“But since you didn’t, we should get you looked up by some professional. You breathed in some nasty stuff”

Dani didn’t respond. Then she sprung up with gasp, a little out of his grasp, not standing but sitting straighter. She grinned, wide, eased thing gracing her lips as fresh tears began to create new paths on her dirty cheeks. She let out a choked laugh, more sign of relief or release of tension than actual happiness. It sounded rougher than usual, probably because of smoke and ashes aggravating her throat.

He wanted to ask what was up but it felt like the wrong time for it.

“He is breathing again” Dani cheered gently, as if unsure before repeating loudly, letting herself believe “THE BOY IS BREATHING AGAIN!”

Girl was shaking again, no bothering with drying tears this time.

Duke could guess what happened. He didn’t want to think about it too hard.

“It’s great to hear”

“Yup!” she grinned between fat tears.

They sat in silence as Dani gradually calmed down again. He knew she didn’t feel all that well yet, she couldn’t but she was probably calm enough to not break down in the middle of the BatBurger.

“I think this day counts as quite bad one,” girl said, wheezing a bit. Duke smiled, knowing where this was going. He ruffled her hair.

“Yeah, I think so too”

None of them said anything for a long moment.

“You’re up for a ‘bad day combo’ Gotham style, Hoopoe?”

“Yup” she smiled.

********

Apartment building: *is on fire*

Dani: It can't be that bad

Narrator voice: It was in fact, much worse

Kid, whose heart stopped thankfully didn't have too many issues tied to it and nothing life treatening long term. Every person who was in the building during fire left relatively unscathed. This fic is supposed to be mostly fluff I'm not killing anyone

Kid who got Dani's cape-blanket refused to phisically let go of it for solid two weeks. Later it still had to be in his sight. Understandable since his life went of the rails and did it hard. Kids ripe age of seven shouldn't be home alone. Especially not for whole day...

Dani: *still clearly shaken* Does your bad day combo include fries?

Duke, on his way to The "I had mental breakdown and need calories" Waffle Foodtrack: No, but we can change it!

Underpayed BatBurger employee: ...

Duke&Dani looking like they've just returned from war:...

Underpayed BatBurger employee: ...

Duke&Dani:...

Underpayed BatBurger employee: *deciding they don't have enough mental energy to care* Welcome to the BatBurger, can I take your bat-order?

Duke: One kids meal, please

Employee at The "I just had mental breakdown and need calories" Waffle Foodtrack, used to seeing Bats crying: *sees Hoopoe munching on her fries but in a sad way* Ah, babiest one got christened by fire already?

Employee: *takes out notebook to note down crazy combo this kid will come up with**they have every Gotham vigilante in here*

Dani: I haven't had a waffle ever before so maybe nuttella and whipped cream? I don't know, sweet?

Employee, offended: Let me surprise you.

It was great waffle, sweet enough to give sugar rush quite big group of preschoolers. It had marshmallows, sprinkles, whipped cream, jellybeans, whatever else this person on the mission found and could mix. Dani absolutely loved and devoured it.

I finally didn't forget to add read more!!!

I really want to draw Dani and Duke togheter but I can't find any pose references that satisfied me. Do you have any good ones? Can be chibi though preferably not

Next part

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

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[twistedtummies2]

Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted - Honorable Mentions

It’s New Year’s Eve, everybody! Just as I did back in October with my “31 Days of Disney Villainy,” before I begin my countdown of my Top 31 Favorite Batman Villains – one for each day of January – I want to go over some of the baddies who sadly didn’t make the cut. These are the Terrible Ten who ALMOST got onto my main countdown, but for various reasons ultimately didn’t quite manage it. Some of these guys are more well-known than others, so we’ll see how many you all recognize. With that said, before the countdown begins at midnight, here are my Honorable Mentions for Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted!

1.     Calendar Man.

Julian Day, a.k.a. Calendar Man, is a villain who has had a lot of ups and downs in his history. Depending on who you ask, he’s either one of the dumbest Batman villains ever made, or one of the most underrated. I fall into the second crowd. The Calendar Man is a deranged crook who commits crimes themed around holidays and seasons. I actually find that to be a very interesting concept, and I’m surprised that so many people dislike the character, and that for a long time he was considered something of a joke. In more recent years, however, the Calendar Man has been making a slight comeback; he’s still often the butt of bad jokes, but more people seem to be waking up to the potential this guy has to be a legitimately interesting and/or intimidating dastard. However, while I do have a soft spot for the character, I just like other rogues better. Not much else to it.

2.     Clock King.

As I said yesterday, when naming the rules for who could qualify on this list, I would not be including “crossover rogues.” These are villains who are TECHNICALLY part of another superhero’s rogues gallery, but whom Batman has faced on numerous occasions. Batman has faced Lex Luthor more than once, for example, but I think it’s fair to say no one’s going to lump him in with the same crowd as Clayface or Catwoman. Similarly, King Shark has appeared in various forms of Batman-related media, but he’s really a villain of Aquaman’s. With this in mind, there are four villains who I felt I just couldn’t COMPLETELY leave out of the running, despite them being those sorts of rogues. The Clock King is the first one. The original Clock King, William Tockman, was a foe of Green Arrow, and was, in my opinion, a better villain than people often give/gave him credit for. However, the character really took off when he first appeared in the 60s Batman TV series, and then got even more attention in a few appearances in “Batman: The Animated Series” and its spin-offs. In fact, the latter version was so popular, THAT version of the Clock King – Temple Fugate (pictured above) – later replaced Tockman, though even he was really more of a Teen Titans villain than a Batman rogue. In fact, while the Clock King does keep appearing in Batman-related media, I’m not even sure if the two have ever even MET in the comics. I will admit that he feels like he fits right in there, and I’ve always had a real soft spot for this villain, but I didn’t think it was right to place him on the list.

3.     Deathstroke.

Ever since the “Arkham” video games, in particular, I always hear Deathstroke referred to as a Batman Villain. I’ll confess that it’s always cool, both in and out of comics, to see him square off with the Dark Knight, but Deathstroke really isn’t a Batman Villain in the strictest sense. Much like the Clock King, in the comics – heck, even in other media – he’s typically depicted as the arch-enemy of the Teen Titans. I guess you could say this perhaps makes him Robin’s arch-nemesis, but that’s not quite the same thing. I do love Deathstroke – he’s definitely one of the greatest DC Villains out there – but I don’t think he fits here any more than Clock King does.

4.     Gentleman Ghost.

This is the third example of a villain who I didn’t QUITE think counted as a Batman Villain. And of them all, he honestly came the closest. See, in the comics, I’m not even sure if Batman and the Clock King have ever met, like I said; and in regards to Deathstroke, sure, they’ve fought on several occasions, but Deathstroke is pretty much well-renowned as the foe of the Titans, and especially Robin. Close, but no cigar. The Gentleman Ghost, however…I keep feeling like DC WANTS to make this guy a Batman Villain definitively, but haven’t quite done so yet, if that makes sense. This dapper phantom thief is TECHNICALLY an arch-enemy of Hawkman & Hawkgirl, of all characters. However, in other media, he often seems to have no set foeman, and in perhaps his most famous incarnation, from “Batman: The Brave & the Bold,” his origins were outright changed to make him a Batman Villain, with no ties to Hawkman whatsoever…in fact, did the Hawk family even APPEAR in that show? I sincerely can’t remember right now, so if anyone can remind me, please do. On top of that, not only has the Ghost faced Batman in the comics, but in one particularly seminal story – “All My Enemies Against Me,” in which a whole group of Batman Villains teamed up to try and take down both the Caped Crusader AND an invading Killer Croc – Gentleman Ghost was included among the ranks. Keep in mind, he was kind of the one odd guy out: all the other villains, from obscure ones like The Spook to more popular ones like Penguin, were DEFINITELY Batman Villains. So to see Gentleman Ghost counted among those ranks was a bit strange but also seemed to indicate he’d found his niche there. However, he’s never been OFFICIALLY counted as one of those villains, and again, in the comics, he’s still most closely tied to the Hawks, or at least the Justice League. So even though I was EXTREMELY tempted to count him on the Top 31, I felt it was still cheating.

5.     King Shark.

Our fourth and final villain who I didn’t really think counted as a Batman Villain. Just like the Clock King and Gentleman Ghost, King Shark has been in a lot of Batman-related media, but in the comics, his encounters with the Dark Knight are fairly minor. He’s real arch-foe is Aquaman, unsurprisingly. This is one of the reasons why I feel I can’t count King Shark on the main list, but the other is that I legitimately have an issue with the character: he’s constantly changing. True, comic book characters change frequently, and villains like the Mad Hatter and the Joker have undergone significant tonal shifts over the decades…but with King Shark, it seems like every single writer who uses him has a 100% different way of handling him. Sometimes he’s a strong and noble warrior; sometimes he’s a blood-hungry, animalistic monster; sometimes he’s a wisecracking psychopath; sometimes he’s actually fairly nice polite until his instincts get the better of him…heck, even his APPEARANCE changes constantly! Sometimes he’s a Great White, sometimes he’s a Hammerhead, sometimes he’s a Tiger Shark…there’s just an absolute zero for CONSISTENCY with this guy, and it drives me up the wall! In recent years, the character has become more popular, but I’ve never really been able to latch onto any version of him more than another, and I’ve never really had any strong attachment to him in general. I don’t hate the guy, I just wish people would handle him better.

6.     Maxie Zeus.

Much like Calendar Man, Maxie Zeus is one of those villains who, depending on whom you ask, they’ll either call one of the dumbest supervillains ever made, or one of the most underrated. Admittedly, between the two, I prefer Calendar Man, but there’s actually a lot of untapped potential in Zeus. The key problem with this character is essentially not his fault: he’s inspired by the campy character of King Tut from the 60s series. (He was adapted into comics himself, incidentally, but that version sucks in my opinion, and is hardly ever used…good riddance. I’ll stick to Victor Buono, thank you.) For those who don’t know, King Tut was a professor of Egyptology who, due to a mental issue, came to believe he was the reincarnation of the famous pharaoh. In Maxie Zeus’ case, he was a gentleman who came to believe he was actually the Greek God of Thunder, Zeus. Just as Tut thus embarked on a mad quest to turn Gotham into his new empire, Zeus plans to turn Gotham into his new Olympus. With such daffy inspiration, you can see why Zeus would be underestimated, and in recent years he’s often been depicted as a “joke villain” - similar to characters like Condiment King. However, in my opinion, Zeus actually CAN work as a legitimate antagonist when handled by the right people in the right way, and I even think that’s been done a couple of times. I tend to think he gets a bad rap. Still, again, there are other villains I simply like more.

7.     Orca.

Dr. Grace Balin used one of those handy-dandy super serums to transform herself into a half-killer whale, half-human hybrid, all in a plan to try and wreak havoc on her hated nemesis: a nasty woman called Camille Baden-Smythe. Dubbing herself simply “The Orca,” she began to rain destruction down upon her enemy, constantly leading to face-offs with the Dark Knight. However, at the end of her first adventure, Balin was mortally wounded, and found the only way to survive was to permanently become the Orca. Since then, the Orca has gone from vigilante to frequently more of a true villain, and still makes off-and-on appearances in comics and even spin-off comics…though, unless you count a jokey cameo in the LEGO Batman Movie, the comics have so far been her only home. I know a few people who are big fans of the character, and I actually have a soft spot for her, too. I just didn’t like her QUITE enough to include her in the Top 31.

8.     Professor Radium.

Now, chances are, even if you happen to be a major comic book fan, you’re probably wondering “Who the Heck is Professor Radium?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone in that. Professor Radium is an EXTREMELY underrated and equally extremely little-known and little-used supervillain who I actually have a personal nostalgia for. In the core comics, he was once a well-meaning scientist who wanted to use radiation-based procedures and special formulas to enhance and extend people’s lives. In a twisted paradox of fate, he wound up instead turning his skin a glowing green, and developed a “Touch of Death.” Radium, in his initial appearance, desperately tried to fix his condition, but the mixture of the accident plus his tragic situation led to him steadily going insane, and he was seemingly killed at the end of the tale. He would later return many, many years later, however, forced to resort to a life of crime due to his terrible condition. I actually found out about Professor Radium through means that are somehow even more obscure than the character himself: the Batman comic strips. Yeah, Batman had a comic strip, all the way back in the 40s, and Professor Radium was one of the few villains from the core comics to appear. (It figures.) The comic strip story was essentially a remake of his origins, but now with a darker twist: his story starts the exact same way, until Radium has a chance encounter with a man planning to commit suicide. He “helps” him with his powers, and from that point on, instead of trying to fix his condition, Professor Radium decides to use his “Touch of Death” as a “Good Samaritan.” He begins bringing the peace and bliss of death to unhappy people, so they no longer have to endure the torture and pain of life. This version, too, was seemingly killed…and since this version never appeared again (his was the last story arc in the strips, and this take never carried over into mainstream), we can presume that death was permanent. I find both takes on Professor Radium to be surprisingly tragic, complex, and fascinating villains, especially for the time period. His occasional, albeit often minor, reappearances in more recent years have helped to ensure he isn’t COMPLETELY forgotten, but I really would like to see a proper new reinvention of this villain. He’s got a lot of potential that hasn’t been fully realized.

9.     The Spook.

In the 1970s, the Spook – real name Val Kaliban – was one of Batman’s most recurring villains. In his original format, the character was a former member of the mafia with a fascination with escape tricks and illusions; after faking his own death to escape from prison, he began using this knowledge to commit crimes – everything from finding masterful ways to escape from robberies, to selling “escape insurance” to caged crooks and busting them out for a hefty fee. Starting in the 80s, the Spook began popping up with far less frequency. Attempts were made in the 90s to reimagine the character; that version had him as a nameless black ops soldier who, traumatized by a mission that went horribly wrong, actually believed himself to be a ghost. It was an interesting, radical reinvention, but it never really went anywhere; future stories would feature Val Kaliban again, and no mention has been made of that second Spook since. As of now, the character has not been seen in the mainstream since 2006, when he was seemingly killed off during the events of the storyline “Batman & Son.” However, the Spook HAS appeared in some comics from spin-offs and crossovers, and is known for – both in-universe and in reality – going long periods of time without so much as saying “Boo” before popping up once more. I personally really like this character, but I guess there are just others I like more or have more nostalgia for.

10.  Tally Man.

The much-underappreciated Tally Man is a villain who I really wish I could love more than I do, if that makes sense. This somewhat theatrical gun-for-hire came from a tragic and disturbing childhood: his family was regularly harassed by a mobster who demanded they pay protection money for some sort of debt. Eventually, the boy that became Tally Man snapped and beat the mobster to death, after the man attacked his mother for not paying him. He was sent to prison, and in the intervening time, his mother killed herself, while his sister went insane. The boy became obsessed with the idea of debts not being paid, and turned to a life of crime: he acts as a sort of agent of Karma, in his own mind, collecting “pounds of flesh” for the highest-paying crooks from their enemies, their clients, and so on. I really love the character’s design and past, but the problem lies in his actual appearances. Tally Man first appeared in the immediate aftermath of the famous “Knightfall” saga. At that time, Bruce Wayne was out of commission, and the Batmen Tally Man faced were actually people taking his place while he recuperated. To me, that’s kind of cheating; it’s not quite the same when you’re facing an Imposter Batman, if you get my meaning. After these initial appearances, Tally Man quickly descended on the ladder of villainy: he ultimately just became little more than a stooge – an average gunman with kind of a cool name, effectively a mere pawn used by more popular rogues, most notably Two-Face. Heck, even his crazy costume was eventually eliminated, as a second Tally Man took his place, and was REALLY just a normal gunman with a cool name. There was nothing about the second one that made him any different from any normal gangster character. Since then, the character has totally disappeared. Apparently there were plans for him to appear in the DCAU, but that never came to pass. I really wish the character had been used better in the comics, and I hope he makes a comeback that fixes these issues.

And that concludes my list of Honorable Mentions for my Top 31 Favorite Batman Villains! As I said before, the countdown proper starts at midnight, just in time to ring in the New Year! I’m fairly sure the first choice on the list will be quite a surprise. ;)

HINT: …I seriously don’t have a hint for the first guy, just…I’m pretty sure you’ll be in absolute DISBELIEF at who it is. That’s all I can give you for now. I’ll do better next time. XD

[jokin-around]

1am trek to Rite-aide in a Batman kigurumi for a bottle of cold syrup and some ice cream

Fic under the cut🎉🎉 ⬇⬇⬇

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19826074 

from beneath a pile of blankets a color drained clown groaned miserably, the sound somewhat muffled by the assortment pretty plastic bobbles filling up the half deflated kitty pool they laid in haphazardly.

The clown in question was Gotham's very own mage of mischief. and much as pain played into his game he absolutely HATED being sick.

Funny thing was, Jay didn’t ever get sick. Period.

With the slew of mystery chemicals constantly floating around in his blood he’d always thought he’d be immune to something as innocuous as a cold. yet here he was stewing in misery, surrounded by a sea of used tissues.To say this was the first time he'd spent the wee hours of the night feeling like garbage would be a lie, but it was definitely the first time he’d felt so unprepared for an ailment.

All that considered, He wouldn’t mind the discomfort if he wasn't so hopelessly bored and… not to mention… alone.

Harley, who was probably busy gardening at the moment, hadn’t answered his calls and none of the other rogues would bother coming to his aid if he asked… they didn't like him very much. He didn’t know why and hardly cared but right now he honestly wished he was better at making friends. Of course, Bud, his lovely hyena who was snoring audibly in the other corner of the room, kept him company on long lonely days, but a dog’s unconditional love could only go so far.

He’d been in his room for hours at this point but as the bat shaped clock on his wall struck 1:00 Jay finally decided he’d had enough.

Throwing the blankets aside, sending foam balls bouncing around the room in the process, Jay sat up, hair a mess, rings around his tired eyes, and stood. Trying his best to ignore the how the world spun like a fun top.

He didn’t need Harley or ANY of those other stupid bozo’s. He could fend for himself just fine and he wasn't about to let some stupid head cold keep him down. Without any further thought Jay grabbed his coat, put on shoes, and headed out the door with a pop-gun in his pocket, looking an absolute mess. Grateful for Gotham's shady midnight darkness --------------------------------

It didn’t take long for the clown to reach his destination, Nite-aid pharmaceuticals was right down the street, just close enough to glide the whole way on a pair of unsteady heelys.

When he entered the store the place was mostly empty except for a few unfortunate stragglers. Night owls looking for late-night smokes and liquor as busted fluorescent lights buzzed and flickered above them... A few patrons turned to glance at him warily, not recognizing the clown out of makeup but suspicious nonetheless. Their failure to turn-tail at first sight would be a mistake they'd soon regret as the unkempt clown lifted his pop-gun in the air and lazily pulled it's trigger.

Now a normal play pistol would’ve gone off with an amusingly harmless pop, but Jay liked to personalize his toys. When the cork shot out the sound pierced through the nights silence like a firecracker, a waft of confetti and billowing green smoke flying up with it in an explosion of noxious, candy scented, color.

The fumes quickly spread through the small store, hot boxing it with chemicals that sent all who breathed it into a frenzied fit. The few unlucky customers present dropped anything they held and nearly toppled over each other as they ran screaming with laughter into the night.

At the back though, a store clerk, who seemed to be bared behind his counter, gagged and giggled as he writhed on the floor with his arms clenched around his sids, too disoriented by now to jump to freedom or even unlatch the door leading out.

As Joker came closer the man backed up, amused yet scared half to death of what would happen as the clown peered over the counter and examined him silently.

A few beats passed before Joker let out a small sigh and mentally made a note to tweak his smilex a tad as he wordlessly opened the gate and let the poor, gasping, employee run free, watching him trip over his own feet a few times as he did. His patented giggle concoction seemed a little too potent this time around, he’d have to fix it sometime….

Soon the joint was empty and joker was alone once more. The whole store now nuisance free and it’s contents perfectly ripe for the taking.

Humming a tune to himself Jay sashayed over to the medicinal isle and eyed over his options. All the keysmashed names and multicolored boxes seemed to meld together the longer he stared. he had no idea which one would be his miracle cure and the way his head swirled made it hard to concentrate on all the teeny-tiny words in front of his heavy feeling eyes. Instead of thinking Jay took a bag and filled it with whatever looked right. If he overdosed on Benadryl and Tylenol instead of Nyquil, so be it.

Before heading out Jay decided to take anything else he thought he might need to feel better including a pint of mint-chocolate chip ice-cream from the fridges in back, a page of funnies and a bargain bin DVD copy of Roger Rabbit .

--------------------------

As Jay walked out he heard a low rumble coming from a few blocks away, before he was able to recognize the telltale roar of the Batmobile, the powerful car had already charged its way down the street swerving to a sudden screeching halt in front of the small drug store as blinding headlights pointed directly at Jay, temporarily disorienting the already discombobulated clown and exposing his unfortunate appearance.

As Jay clumsily shielded his eyes a dark figure exited the tech loaded vehicle and slowly floated closer. Soon a tall shadow loomed over him, blocking the stunning beams of light. Jay slowly peered up to meet a pair of cold blue slits.

"Batman..…?" said Jay, sounding somewhat surprised despite knowing better

“Shoulda known you’d be here…. you're not gonna arrest me are you?" He asked pitifully

The Bat seemed to examine him for a moment, blue lenses eyeing him up and down. Jay was suddenly very aware of how he must have looked, he hadn't combed his hair, or shaved, or bathed, he was 99% percent sure he'd grabbed a mix-matched pair of heelys on the way out and he was currently wearing a jacket over a onesie despite the fact he was cooking like a hotdog in a microwave, evident by the beads of cold sweat trailing down his face….

His bare, scar riddled, face….

He began to turn red with embarrassment as he averted his weary gaze from the other man's calculated scrutiny, shoulders tensing

"Look are you gonna do your thing or can I take my stolen goods and go?" He asked impatiently, exhaustion in his voice

"My Bat-monitor says you have a 104 degree fever" the Bat states. No inflection.

"right, Which is why I need to get home like, now- " a large hand placed itself on his shoulder as he crouched to collect his stuff from the ground

"What you NEED is medical attention" Batman insisted, gently firming his grip. Jay, stood up, shaking his head in protest despite feeling more and more lightheaded with every passing second

"n-no I-I'm fine, i'll be fine! I just need t- "

Before he could protest further, handcuffs were promptly clasped around his limp wrists with a snug click, Jay looked at his shiny new bracelets and gave Bruce a sharp glare.

"bastard." he grumbled

"You'll thank me later." Bats stated cooly as he took the clown by the scruff of his hood and escorted him to the Batmobile. Jay struggled slightly at first, ragdolling as the Bat pulled him along, the fight in him quickly dissipated though as his energy slowly faded and he realized how shortsighted he'd been to not expect a situation like this. Of course the Bat would be here. you could hardly J-walk in this city without his big dumb ears hearing about it somehow.

But despite the inconvenience he wasn't mad… just… unprepared

he and the Bat had a special little relationship and after the day he'd had, that flowing black cape could be considered a sight for sore eyes. But this particular situation was a little different from their usual routine. Up there on the rooftops they were perfectly matched equals. Jay fast and unpredictable, Bats strong and disciplined. right now, as Jay was silently chauffeured to an impressive looking street demon, the scales were tipped, and instead of being fast he was weak and slow and practically nodding off by the time Bats gently placed his body in it’s passenger seat.

The rumble of the monsters powerful engine shook Jay from his daze and his unfocused eyes were greeted by a colorful array of buttons and knobs that decorated the car's interior.

"Ooohh" he awed quietly

"Don't. Touch. ANYTHING." The Bat warned sternly.

"Fuuuh-INE" he complained. "You don't mind if i eat in here tho right?" He asked as he fished into his bag and took out his pint of ice cream.

Batman shot him a look of disapproval.

"Ah, Don't worry- " Jay assured as he struggled to get the tub open "I won't get any on your p-precious lea-ther interio- " a bout of violent coughs interrupted his snarky remark…

The Bat sighed

"here, let me" he took the tub and quickly ripped it open, before placing it back in Jays lap

"OH HO HO thanks, Armstrong." He teased

"Whatever… Just pipe down and take this." Bruce reached into his glorified fanny pack and pulled out a small green pill.

Jay eyed it curiously.

"S' not some funky sedative is it?" He asks cautiously

Bruce shook his head….

"It's a… chemical agent I made special for you… I uh… mix it with my sedatives to counteract your resistance to them… it won't put you to sleep but It should have the same effect on those meds i’m paying for" he explained, nodding at the cherry flavored syrup Jay swiped.

With a bit of hesitation Jay picked up the small capsule and eyed it further. It was rather large and filled with a bright green gel.

"....well that's pretty... thoughtful of you I guess. "

Bruce looked away briefly, he'd created the compound last time Jay was out cold on his operating table using a sample of his blood. He'd put it to other uses since, but it had ultimately saved the clown's life last time around… that said he should've known Jay might find his over-preparedness odd

After a few beats of silence, Jay bit the bullet, washing it down with a scoop of ice cream. Help from the Bat, no matter how uncalled for, was usually help he could trust, besides he thought it was funny how often the Bat modded his tech just for his sake. Was it obsessive? Romantic? he couldn’t tell, but he was definitely flattered…

With a small contented smile on his face, Bruce turned back to the wheel and revved his engine "Alright clown... buckle up"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It didn't take long for the two to arrive at the Batcave. The ride there quick and uneventful. Bruce didn’t have to bother with a blindfold or knockout gas to cover his tracks, Jay had passed out about halfway there and even then, it wouldn't have mattered much. He was sure Jay already knew it’s location despite being in the dark about...other things.

Exiting the car and stalking to the other side with his cape flowing behind him. Bruce opened the door to the passenger seat and watched as the winged doors lifted to reveal a sleeping figure cradling a half melted pint of ice cream.

“Is this the 'guest' you mentioned earlier sir?” Alfred inquired as he came to greet his kevlar clad son.

“It is.” He answered softly as he slowly lifted the pint from the clowns arms and handed It to the older man

"You somehow failed to mention the guest in question was your colorful new nemesis” the servant jested, raising a brow

"Uh… Forgot to I guess" Bruce shrugged, knowing full well he’d swept a detail or two under the rug to avoid another scolding from his free-spoken butler.

There was a pause of silence as they both watched the peaceful perriot rest

“...If only he was this quiet all the time, Gotham would be a much less hectic place… “ said Alfred after a moment.

“Perhaps” said Bruce. eye’s never breaking away as his chest rose and fell

Alfred, of course, had more to say but decided to keep it to himself as not to sour the moment he was having.

“Well this is going in the fridge... a pot of hot soup should be ready shortly. Just enough for the both of you”

“Thanks al”

Alfred nodded then went on his way as Bruce turned his attention back to Jay.

Although he was used to seeing the jolly jester in a more upkept state, he had to admit he was… striking... even like this…

When that perpetually cheery smile of his finally relaxed, it was replaced by soft supple lips and butter knife sharp cheekbones that framed his face in a way rarely seen outside of hollywood.

Gingerly, Bruce reached beneath his guest and lifted him from his seat.

It always surprised him how light he was, not that Jay was very big to begin with but… the way he threw a punch, took hits like they were nothing… it made it easy to forget he was only about 5'4"... perhaps even smaller minus the mane of hair that currently draped over his tired face

With the rest of the man’s features veiled, Bruce’s eyes were drawn to the two deep scars which curled from the corners of his mouth like a jagged grin. They were long healed but Bruce had a feeling the wounds cut deeper than eyes could see...

As Bruce thumbed away a few stray locks of green to get a better look, Jay began to stir. Hurriedly Bruce stepped over to the med bay section of the cave and laid his guest down before his eyes began to flutter open

"W-where?" He asked groggily as his vision focused

"Batcave."

“Again?” He muttered while sitting up “This gonna be a regular thing?”

“Were you expecting a hospital?” Bruce asked.

Jay rubbed his face

“guess not….” Hospitals we’re never really an option for people like them he supposed. Too many nosy doctors and prodding hands… bad memories...

“Here” a small cup of cherry liquid appeared in front of him, held by a black glove. He took it slowly.

“Can't have the whole bottle??”

“Why would you want to?”

Jay shrugged and took the shot

“I dunno…”

Bruce let that comment slide and stepped closer to check his temperature again.

"How are you feeling?"

" terrible" Jay replied miserably. Bruce looked at his monitor, the clown was stable at about 105°. It wasn't common for a cold to come with a fever but Jay was... an uncommon person.

" think a cool shower might help?"

The clown smiled "...mm… maybe…. You aren't offering to join me are you?"

Bruce scoffed "Not with you like this I'm not…"

Jay rose an eyebrow.

"er… not that I would if you…. Weren't…" Bruce's cheeks went pink for a moment. Though he'd looked away he could tell Jay was smiling even wider. Probably holding in a laugh too.

"Uhm...alright uh… washroom's that way, use what you want, shampoo, conditioner, whatever, I can always buy more"

Jay hopped down from the table and stretched with a moan

"I'm sure you can, rich boy."

"Huh?" Bruce tensed, taken aback by the term usually used to describe his alter ego.

"being best buds with Bruce Wayne must have some pretty sweet perks"

Bruce sighed, allowing himself to breath again as Jay made his way to the shower "right.."

_____________

It didn't take long for Jay to return, He made quick work of cleaning up and was soaped, rinsed and dried within a few minutes. His greasy mop now a fluffy, blow dried, up-do And his mind fog free.

The bouncy mane of curls caught Bruce's attention as the clown re-entered the main room, freshly scrubbed, lemon scented and humming a tune.

"You look a little better…. " Bruce complimented

"Just a little?" Said Jay, faking disappointment.

"Uh… w...well" Bruce stammered.

"Just teasing u dummy." He said with a smile as he took a seat on the bannister next to the Bat-computer.

"Right… well.... I see you're back to your normal self" said Bruce, returning to his work

"Mostly." Jay smiled

"Good… that's good." There was some silence taken up by Bruce's fingers tapping the Bat-computer's interface

"Hey." Jay interrupted

"Yeah?" Said Bruce

"Aren't you scared of catching my cold-cooties or something?" The clown inquired

"No." Bruce answered bluntly.

"Why not?"

"bats don't get colds"

Jay rose an eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"It's true."

"Mhm…"

Suddenly the sound of a throat clearing interrupted their banter.

"are you two quite done, or will supper have to wait?"

The odd couple turned to face Alfred who was holding a silver platter somewhat impatiently.

"er...Now is fine Alfred"

The butler nodded and gracefully waltzed between them to set the plate down. Removing it's dome to reveal a piping hot stew, stuffed with chicken and veggies, with fresh baked biscuits on the side. It’s aroma was even more enticing than it’s appearance

"Wow this is nothing like that Campbell's stuff" said Jay, eyes wide.

"I should hope not.” Alfred huffed. “ I didn't go to culinary school to cook from a can"

“Thank’s Al, it looks great”

"Of course sir… Oh, and, sir?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"You invited this man into your home… least you could do is give him a proper seat"

Jay was still sitting on the banister, swinging his legs happily.

“oh…. Right” he pressed a button and a second chair raised from the floor “i’m… usually the only person down here, sorry.”

“What about that kid?”

“Robin? Never sits still, likes the banister “

“Huh, Go figure….” Jay plopped down in his seat and spun around a few times before grabbing his bowl and testing the soup… to put it lightly, the taste was beyond heavenly.

“Oh my god….”

“Glad to see it suits your taste mr.Jay, young Bruce would fuss about having to eat it every time he was under the weather….”

Bruce a blushed a tint

Jay smiled

“I guess bat’s DO get the sniffles”

“Wasn't a bat back then, doesn’t count”

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn't”

“Yes it- “

“Children!”

They froze… Alfred gave them a stern look. Free of malice but intimidating nonetheless.

“Do try to behave yourselves, I have enough trouble with robin as is and he’s much better mattered than the both of you”

“Yes, Alfred”

“Sorry, Alfred…” they apologized

The butler one last look,turned on his heels and left the room in silence.

“Man you’re butler’s mean…” Jay whispered

“Don't worry, it’s just an act…. I think…” As they both returned to their gourmet supper Jay suddenly recalled the DVD he'd brought with him.

"Oh HEY! Can we watch a movie???"

"Movie?"

"Yeah!" Jay scrambled over his bag and ran back with the box in his hand.

"Roger Rabbit! It's a classic!"

"Never seen it."

"Really? well we'll have to fix that… it's a detective story! you'll like it!…"

Bruce slowly took the case, studying its colorful cover…

"Suppose… I'll... take your word for it."

Reluctantly, Bruce popped a hatch on the Bat-computer and let the movie play on one of it's many monitors. Jay sitting back with a satisfied smile as Bruce sunk deeper into his work...

Or at least, tried to.

Jay's amused chuckles here and there made it hard to concentrate but the sound wasn't… unpleasant. Every now and then the clown would tap his shoulder and tell him to pay attention to a favorite scene or line if his… eyes flitting between him and the screen, searching for a reaction, however small or unreadable … smiling whenever Bruce's lips curled even a millimeter or two.

As the night continued, Bruce recalled the large home theater he had upstairs in the mansion

50 seats and rarely more than one taken at a time...

He imagined himself up there now with his arm around the other man's shoulders, sharing snacks and a large blanket, huddled close…

Perhaps he could’ve come up with some elaborate lie about "Bruno" allowing visitors in his humble abode, but as much warmth as the thought gave him, it was greatly overpowered by his own paranoia…

He wasn’t quite ready to break that barrier no matter how much he wanted too...

So maybe not today…

But maybe later….

Someday.

After a few passing moments Bruce realized Jay’s little interruptions had stopped and turned to find the man fully asleep on the chair beside him. With a light sigh, Bruce carefully removed his cape and draped it over the man just as he’d done before a year or so ago, Quietly calling for Alfred to prepare the Batcave’s guest bed.

With all the cordial tenderness in the world, Bruce lifted his nemesis and carried him downstairs. for now, somewhere in between all the imaginary lines they’d drawn in the sand, just this close was close enough.

[mirrorfalls]

The Joker 80th Anniversary Super Spectacular (2020)

“So Lego,” said nobody ever. “Now that you’re got some decent free time and the spoons to write, what are you gonna do? Get some actual work done on that Detective Conan longfic you’ve been rattling about the last two years? Actually start your long-overdue cert paper, that thing you need to graduate?”

Oooof course not! Instead, let’s dive back into the wonderful world of Cape Comix, featuring Tumblr’s least-wanted villain! Will any of these ten little tales actually manage to find something new - or at least interesting - to say about Laughing Boy? Let’s find out.

“Scars” by Scott Snyder and Jock. A pretty typical Snyder gonzo-horror jaunt, complete with “haha, the Joker really is the godmode manipulator/killer you’ve been denying he was all story! Sucks to be you!” ending. It’s stories like these that make me wonder why the hell Bruce’s rogues gallery even needs Scarecrow anymore, even in concept.

“What Comes at the End of a Joke” by James Tynion IV and Mikel Janin. Ahh, Christ, why didn’t I expect there’d be a Joker War tie-in somewhere in this... Well, there ya have it, the Secret Origin of Punchline. There’s a germ of an interesting idea here, likening the Joker’s “the hell with anything else, I just want to fuck over The Powers That Be” influence on Gotham’s youth to the Alt-Right’s influence in real life, but even then I reckon other writers have already done it better.

“Kill the Batman” by Gary Whitta, Greg Miller, and Dan Mora. The first creative team I had to look up - apparently, one of ‘em used to run IGN, and the other co-wrote Rogue One. This is also the first one built as a comedy, which I approve of in theory; in execution, though, the setup is a bit too mawkish for its own good (not to mention way too eager to quote-mine Chris Nolan) the last-page punchline is exactly the kind of dad humor our “hero” was complaining about halfway through the story. All in all, I’d still recommend “Going Sane” as a better take on the whole premise.

“Introducing the Dove Corps” by Denny O’Neil and Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez. Guys, whatever differences I’ve had with his work over the years, I really wanted to report that O’Neil went out on a high note. And I will say this one probably has the strongest premise in the whole book, with Joker trying to not only (gasp!) play hero but (horrors!) do it without bloodshed. O’Neil doesn’t quite cheat the premise, but the story is still bogged down with at least one unleapable logic hole (a Special Forces Team doesn’t know who the fucking Joker is?!), a bunch of pointless continuity-mining (See! The origin of TKJ’s tourist getup!), and a predictable-as-hell ending. Whatever faults the other stories may have, none of them end on a line as hacky as “Killing is so much fun.”

“The War Within” by Peter Tomasi and Simone Bianchi. Okay, first thing - it’s not “Batman/Badman” levels of faux-cleverness, but it’s not quite out of that ballpark. There’s no real plot outside the narration (except maybe to set up some future arc in Tomasi’s Detective), just Bianchi doing a Joker-through-the-ages showcase. Said showcase hits most of the obligatory choices - Golden Age, Silver Age, TKJ, TDK, TDKR - but I will say I was pleasantly surprised to see The Batman’s Joker getting a shout-out, dreads and all.

“The Last Smile” by Paul Dini and Riley Rossmo. Huh. Wasn’t expecting to see Dini do a riff on Joker: Devil’s Advocate of all things - and only slightly that it would average out as the best story in here. After his less-than-stellar writing on the Arkham games, it’s heartening to see Dini’s still got some of the old magic, with a genuinely insightful look into what might scare the Joker: the possibility that Batman can have his cake and eat it too, can get rid of his not-so-eternal dance partner without endangering his precious code, because sometimes, the law is good for something after all. Kudos, too, for a more creative use of Harley - and rapport with Ivy - than years and years of Harley-centric media have ever managed.

“Birthday Bugs” by Tom Taylor and Eduardo Risso. A strong competitor to the previous one - you can almost never go wrong with “the Joker tries to do something nice for an innocent” as a premise - with some choice lines that carry the theme smoothly without ever feeling like grandstanding. That said, Risso’s art is a lot more hit-and-miss than Rossmo’s - some panels are absolutely beautiful, but others - especially if Joker’s actually in them - just look hideously tryhard - and the gore in the last couple pages feels more cheap than disturbing.

“No Heroes” by Eduardo Medeiros and Rafael Albuquerque. See previous opening line. The themes discussed here (why be a hero for a soulless Capitalist engine?) are a little triter, not helped by the fact that the story’s not really long enough to let them breathe properly, but the art is on the whole a lot stronger; and in an age where artists are falling over themselves to out-demonic each others’ Jokers, I especially dig the choice to put him in a mask for most of the story, rooting his scariness in unmoving minimalism instead of hyperexaggerating every wrinkle and pore of his face,

“Penance” by Tony Daniel. Ah, yes. The perennial weak-link of the Reborn era and the inventor of that whole skinned-face idiocy back at the start of the New 52, Daniel’s turn here... threatens to be interesting a few times, but never manages to get all its ideas into anything coherent, much less good in execution. Shame, really - apart from “Birthday Bugs” it’s the only one to focus on “normal” crooks, a perennially underrated element in Joker romps.

“Two Fell Into The Hornet’s Nest” by Brian Azzarello & Lee Bermejo. This was the one I was least looking forward to... and it looks like ol’ Brian anticipated that, given the line (”Have you checked the credits on who’s writing this?”) he kicks off page two with. I suppose it, more than any of the other stories, cut to the heart of what the Joker’s stream-of-consciousness should look like - but that doesn’t really stop it from feeling like something Azzarello cranked out on a lunch break. Even random nonsense needs to be handled with care to not feel like waste of the reader’s time - and whatever else this one has going for it (I did smile a little the nurse taunting Joker about being as much an empty corporate symbol as Batman himself), care's not really on the menu. Stick with his Calvin & Hobbes parody from Superman/Batman #75.

So there ya have it - three (possibly four) stories I’d legitimately read again, surrounded by a sea of mediocrity and misfires (and some intermittently interesting pinups - JRJR’s Joker-as-007 piece hit my sweet-spot best). That’s honestly a better record than I would’ve expected for the J-Man in 2020 - better, by all accounts, than the 80th super-spectacular the Robins got.

Would it have been too much to ask the Lego Batman guys to contribute something, though?

[countessrivers]

do you have any headcanons for Bruce and his (many) father figures? would love to hear them if you do!!!

Canon era:

The first one, and it’s not so much a head canon as it is just canon but some people are idiots who clearly didn’t watch the show, after his parents’ death, Bruce got 2 new dads who co-parented him over the next 6-7 years. Their names are Alfred Pennyworth and Jim Gordon and they explain so much about who and what Bruce Wayne turns out to be.

They both parent/treat Bruce quite differently. Alfred very much treats Bruce like an adult. He lets Bruce take charge of his own life and make significant decisions about his health and well-being on his own (decisions that arguably 12 year olds, especially grieving 12 year olds maybe shouldn’t be making but w/e). He encourages Bruce to take responsibility for his choices, and for the consequences of his crime-fighting, and often focuses on the practicalities and limitations of what they’re doing, and in a wider sense, how Gotham and the world works. Things like trying to keep Bruce focused on preparing for Ra’s, rather than helping the city, warning him against getting other people involved and that it will be on Bruce if they’re hurt helping him, scepticism that anything good can get done within the law with all the corruption in Gotham, telling Bruce to buck up and move on after Selina lies to him/hurts him, letting Bruce reject therapy and grief counselling, etc. I think this stems at least in part from Alfred’s role as the family butler for the first 12 years of Bruce’s life. Bruce is both his ward and employer, there is a distance and a formality there, and this idea that Bruce is in charge of his own destiny as it were, and should be treated as such, with all the responsibility that goes along with that.

Jim, for all that he sees Bruce as a kind of moral true north, someone that he looks to for guidance and a purpose, views Bruce very much as a child, and treats him as such. And it’s probably because Bruce is a child, but maybe also, as the years go on too, because he’ll never get the image of 12 year old Bruce, in that alley, out of his head. Jim sees Bruce as someone who should be protected from the worst of the world. He’ll be honest with Bruce, but he’ll also try and shield him from as much as he can, like when he hesitates over him not being long for this world because Oswald is alive and Falcone/Zsasz are after him. Bruce will often ask or demand the truth, and while Jim often caves, he does what he can to protect Bruce from the harsher parts of reality. He clashes with Alfred quite regularly over this - over Bruce being exposed to the idea of killing Matches, over Alfred letting Bruce run around and put himself in danger (Jim actually tells Alfred that he’s the adult, and so he is allowed to search his son’s room and go through his stuff and read his diary if it keeps him from getting into trouble), things like that. He’ll often try to alleviate any guilt Bruce might be feeling, particularly when it involves someone getting hurt helping them, insisting that it wasn’t Bruce’s fault. I also see Jim as encouraging Bruce’s more idealistic side - he often tells him not to give up hope when they hit a wall and things look bleak, and their talks often involve the idea of the good that can be done, and how Gotham and its people can be helped, because I think that’s what drives Jim too - ideals, and a devotion to helping people, rather than practicalities. And these “parenting styles” kind of balance each other out, or at least Bruce picks up bits and pieces, and they noticeably shape him, but I actually find it hilarious that the show has multiple scenes, across multiple seasons, of Jim and Alfred arguing over how best to parent Bruce. 

Jim had a troubled youth after the accident/losing his father, and coped with it even worse than Bruce does, which is why he gets it. He looks at Bruce’s coping mechanisms, the way he’s hurting himself, his breakdowns, etc, and he gets it. He wants Bruce to stop, wants him to get help, to do better than he did, but he gets it. He knows how it feels. He did all of that, and more, and he knows you can’t just flick a switch and be better. He knows that the guilt and the anger and the pain eats away at you. He also knows that there’s a light at the end, and that’s what he tries to give Bruce from the start. Hope, and understanding that Bruce is struggling, desperate to feel or not feel, and it may be unhealthy, but Jim at least understands why.

Harvey’s not entirely sure when he started looking at Bruce as more than just that random kid whose parents died and that Jim was weirdly fond of, but at some point he did. The kid’s sweet, if a bit odd, freakishly smart, and all the worst best parts of Jim. He’s a good kid, and Harvey sometimes worries about what Gotham’s going to do to him. He worries about that goodness being ground out of Bruce, the way Harvey’s seen it ground out of so many people.

Lucius loved Thomas, and that’s not the only reason why he helps Bruce (Lucius himself is a good man, who wants to make the city better) but it’s part of it. He wants to keep Thomas’ boy safe, wants to help him grow up into a strong, beautiful, good man. Sometimes he looks as Bruce and he’ll see Thomas, sometimes he’ll see Martha, but he knows that both of them would be so proud of who Bruce becomes.

Jim and Bruce try as much as they can to get together for lunch or dinner or something, just to catch up (Jim eventually made it over to the manor for dinner at some point in S4). Alfred and Harvey meet up for drinks on the regular.

During No Man’s Land, Alfred, Harvey and Lucius took turns dragging both Jim and Bruce away from work to get them to eat and/or sleep. They’d work themselves into the ground if they could. They’d also both insist on the other getting some rest, even as they stubbornly tried to carry on themselves.

Idk who gave Bruce the sex talk, but I know that whoever it was, it would have been terrible and awkward (was it Jim and did he warn Bruce about the perils of falling for beautiful people who were also crazy and/or evil and at least a little homicidal? Not that Bruce, or Jim for that matter would ever take the advice).

When Jim tells Bruce off for risking his life or putting himself needlessly in harms way, Bruce has to try really hard not to shout “I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU DAD!”

The show kind of dropped the ball on exploring this, but there’s no way Bruce  didn’t pick up at least a few detective skills from Jim.

Bruce and his various father figures are just basically that one cartoon where two people are stretching and bending over each other to put themselves in front of a gun.

They all miss Bruce terribly when he leaves.

Bruce would have liked the moustache.

Future (Batfam) headcanons:

Babs feels like she knows Bruce long before she meets him because she’s spent the first 9 years of her life hearing Jim talk about him.

Bruce comes over to the Gordon-Thompkins for dinner not long after the finale, meets Babs properly for the first time, and immediately falls in love. Barbara Lee Gordon has Uncle Bruce wrapped around her finger (she has them all wrapped around her finger).

Jim knows Bruce is Batman, that’s established in the finale, but for a while they dance around the subject, not saying anything outright. He talks about it a bit more openly with Harvey, Lucius too maybe, but both him and Bruce avoid talking about it directly. He does thank him though, to his face, for saving Babs.

That night at the circus, Bruce tells Dick the same thing that Jim told him. He sits down next to him, tells him his name, tells him he understands, and tells him that one day, there will be light.

I can’t decide who ultimately puts the symbol on the floodlight, but Jim’s the one that starts using it to call Batman.

Bruce has stuck tracking devices in all of them, long before he starts doing it to his kids. Jim in particular is prone to kidnapping, and it’s honestly such a time saver.

Jim and Bruce both start not so secretly planning the wedding once it becomes clear that Dick and Babs like-like each other. They’re thrilled about it (if the wedding does happen, then Harvey’s officiating).

The cops, especially those that work in whatever building the Commissioner’s office is in, know the various Wayne kids about as well as they know Babs, because they’re in and out and always hanging around. Particularly Cass, who splits her time mainly between Bruce, and Babs and Jim.

There are regular dinners over at the Manor. The Waynes and the Gordons, usually, but often enough Harvey or Lucius will be there too. For any big holiday they celebrate early, given that they’ll all need to be ready and on hand because of course the Rogues are going to try and ruin Christmas by poisoning the water supply or something else over the top and ridiculous. 

So much of what Batman is stems from that original conversation with Jim. Bruce never forgets, never stops thinking about those words. The trauma of his parents’ death shaped him, but he was shaped just as much by a single cop sitting down next to him, being kind, and promising not just justice, but light and hope as well. Bruce wanting to be that, whether as Batman or Bruce Wayne. Offering it to the city, the victims he saves as Batman, his own children.

They’re family okay. They’re all just one big loving family that also happens to fight crime, sometimes while wearing a cape.

Bonus: Oswald is by no means a father figure to Bruce, but he’s undeniably fond of him, admires his good, kind heart. He sees a lot of Jim in him, which is part of it, but he also, for everything that he himself is, just appreciates that in others (it part of what has always drawn him back to Jim).

[aion-rsa]

How Arachnophobia Became the Perfect Creepy Crawly Horror Comedy

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There’s a moment in Arachnophobia where Jeff Daniels’ Dr Ross Jennings, lying in bed one night worried his new hometown of Canaima is under attack from venomous spiders, spots an eight-legged intruder lurking in plain sight on his bedroom wall. The scene builds to a terrifying crescendo when the panic-stricken Jennings, who has a pathological fear of spiders, decides to confront the arachnid – only to discover it’s a coat hook.  

It’s a prime example of the power Arachnophobia still possesses, 30 years on from its release. The power to have audiences breaking out in cold sweats one minute and fits of laughter the next.  

The story of an ordinary American town that becomes infested with a deadly new species of spider unwittingly transported over from the Amazon rainforest, Arachnophobia might have been a very different prospect in the hands of another filmmaker.  

Fortunately, Arachnophobia had Frank Marshall at the helm.  

A long-time producer who had worked with everyone from Orson Welles to Martin Scorsese prior to founding Amblin Entertainment with his wife Kathleen Kennedy and long-time collaborator Steven Spielberg, Arachnophobia represented Marshall’s directorial debut. In many ways, he couldn’t have picked a better project.  

Never work with animals and children 

While the old Hollywood adage claimed you should never work with children or animals, Marshall had an impressive track record with both – especially animals. He had overseen the uses of several snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark as well as Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and orchestrated the plague of rats that pop up in the sewers of Venice during Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  

More importantly, like Spielberg, he wasn’t averse to cranking up the PG scares whether it be a melting Nazi or the desiccated corpse of a spider bite victim. The key to cooking up a scare in Arachnophobia, however, were the arachnids themselves.  

Marshall and his production team auditioned a variety of spiders for the film, whittling it down to a shortlist of four distinct species, including wolf spiders, tarantulas, and huntsman spiders.  

“I held what I called the Spider Olympics,” he explained in an interview with Amblin. “I really put them through their paces to see if they could climb a glass, if they looked scary, to see how big they were or if they looked good on camera and how we could motivate them.”  

He eventually settled on three-inch wide Delena spiders; a huntsman arachnid native to Australia that had arrived in New Zealand in the 1920s.  

Hundreds of little Marlon Brandos 

Over 300 were shipped to the US for filming, with more arachnids added as filming continued.  

“We had a spider condominium where we had different drawers with spiders that could climb better than others and some that were faster than others. It was really a science of different spider actors.”  

A variety of techniques were used to direct the spiders. Hot and cold air proved effective while the crew also hit on the use of Lemon Pledge cleaner to help guide their movements.  

In some of the more complex shots, microscopic leashes and tiny steel plates were used but even they had their limitations.  Even so, takes regularly ran into the double digits with the film’s arachnid performers guilty of going off script like a bunch of eight-legged Marlon Brandos.

Sometimes things went like clockwork, like the scene where spiders begin to burst out of a bathroom sink.  

“We blew hot air and they came bursting out of the drain,” Marshall said.  “I never dreamed they would just explode.”  

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Other times, however, it proved difficult, with the director citing the scene in which the town coroner and his wife are offed when a rogue arachnid gets inside their bowl of popcorn.  

Marshall said: “The popcorn was probably the hardest one and in the shot that we got, the spider comes out and we follow it. That’s all ad-libbed by the spider.”  

It required meticulous planning on Marshall’s part and a wealth of patience from stars like Daniels, who acknowledged to the New York Times that it took a “special kind of actor” to work with spiders. It was all worth it though. 

The practical approach proved crucial, imbuing Arachnophobia with a sense of realism and a timeless quality missing from the many CGI-led spider monstrosities that have followed in the years since. Not that Marshall was averse to a little technical wizardry though. 

While a real-life Amazonian bird-eating tarantula was cast as larger spider credited as “The General” in the movie and known as “Big Bob” on set, Marshall knew the arachnid was neither big enough for some of the film’s stunts nor trained enough to pull off many of the film’s crucial scenes – including any and all close-ups.  

Instead, a 15-inch mechanical spider was built in his place by then-rookie special effect whizz Jamie Hyneman, who would go on to find fame on the TV series Mythbusters. 

While the handling of the spiders was crucial, Marshall also understood the importance of grounding Arachnophobia in reality was equally important. That required two crucial elements: good casting and relatable set pieces.  

Killer casting 

One of Arachnophobia’s strengths lies in the fact the film takes the time to establish characters and setting before tearing the whole thing apart with a childlike glee. For Marshall, setting out the stall of the movie was crucial to cranking up the scares – and the fun.  

“What’s important in all of these movies is you’ve got to care about the characters,” he told Amblin. “I tried to cast really great actors in the character parts and the smaller parts. I did feel it needed a little bit of comic relief in this story because it was going to be so creepy.”  

Populating the town’s doomed cast of characters with seasoned performers like Henry Jones and Mary Carver as well as comedic actors like Stuart Pankin and Peter Jason proved a masterstroke and ensured, by the time the spiders were closing in, you actually cared for their safety. When the arachnids did descend, it was often to disrupt an otherwise familiar scene of life in small town USA: a garden party, a night in watching Jeopardy or a football practice. In another nightmarish set piece, the town’s soon to retire doctor is bitten by a spider hiding in his slippers.   

“I thought what’s scariest to people is everyday common things that we all would freak out by,” Marshall said. “I know that every morning when I get up to put on my slippers, I still shake them off.”  

In the wrong hands, Arachnophobia could easily have become a straightforward enough horror movie – and, for a brief period at least, it was. According to Jeff Daniels, when he first signed on the film was a far more serious affair.  

“You could tell that the lines were kind of written by computer,” he told the Philadelphia Daily News.

With time ticking on both Daniels and Marshall eager for the film to have a streak of black comedy running through it, producer Kathleen Kennedy went in search of help. In December of 1988, she found it in Wesley Strick.  

Low-hanging fruit 

By then filming had already begun on the movie, with work complete on all of the scenes charting photographer Jerry Manley’s horrifying death at the hands of a spider in the jungles of Venezuela and subsequent transportation back to the US with an arachnid in tow.  

Strick had been working with Spielberg on the script for a remake of Cape Fear. When he got the call from Kennedy, he was settling in for a quiet Christmas with his wife and young children. He didn’t know it yet, but Christmas was about to be cancelled. 

“Kathleen called and asked: ‘do you have holiday plans? Would you be available to work for two or three weeks on a film called Arachnophobia for my husband, Frank Marshall?’ It sounded like fun and I was stuck at home, so I said yeah,” Strick tells Den of Geek. 

Arachnophobia had been in development long before Marshall took charge and, with time ticking on, Kennedy felt it would be beneficial for Strick to glance through some of the previous revisions of screenwriter Don Jakoby’s original script. There were quite a few revisions, as it turned out.  

“A messenger showed up from Amblin with basically a massive box full of scripts,” Strick says. “I had never seen so many drafts. It had been in development for a long time. She sent me like 12 scripts that had been written over two years.”  

Strick immediately identified the issue. 

“The early drafts were both funny and horrific. But by the time I got to the draft they were working with I could see they had developed out most of the horror and the humor. This kind of thing happens in development because studios often seek clarity over entertainment. They believe the audience should be spoon-fed everything.”

But without “the horror and the humor” Arachnophobia wasn’t working.  

“In this instance, however, the changes had ended up flattening out the plot in an effort to make the story clear,” Strick says. “They forgot that it also needed to be funny and scary. In these prolonged development situations, people kind of lose focus on what it is they are really trying to do while trying to solve very literal problems. That’s why it’s beneficial to have another writer come in with a fresh eye. Someone who hasn’t been worn down by two years of search and can fix what got broken by accident.”  

Something else that jumped out at him too – nobody in the script had arachnophobia.  

“That struck me as a huge missed opportunity,” he says. “It was such low-hanging fruit. I started to question my own sanity like, how could they have missed that? So, I called Frank and Kathleen and said ‘hey nobody has arachnophobia; do you not think Ross Jennings should have arachnophobia? And they were both quiet and just kind of said ‘well do you?’ and I said ‘Yeah’ and they were like ‘well go do that’”  

While Strick acknowledges such changes come off as “screenwriter 101 stuff”, the decision to make Jeff Daniels’s character an arachnophobe proved crucial in tying the plot together.  

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“It helps the movie a lot. It became the dramatic arc of the story,” Strick says. “Things like the moment, early in the film, when Dr Jennings recalls how he became an arachnophobe after a spider crawled up his body as a child. That plays out again in the final act, when he’s pinned down and ‘the general’ is crawling over him. He’s forced to overcome that primal fear. Those moments play great and provide the spine of the picture. Without it, I don’t know how the story would play. It would be a series of set pieces. Maybe that would have been good enough but it’s hard to imagine it without that through line.”  

Strick’s role was also to reinvigorate some of what had been lost in the multiple drafts, in an editing process known as “punching up.”  The screenwriter and script doctor explains it perfectly in the context of Arachnophobia.  

“With a film like this, you were essentially building a ride at a theme park,” he says. “You want to deliver thrills so there needs to be a forward momentum to it.  It can’t meander. The dialogue has to crackle. That’s how movies entertain. I am always looking to focus scenes. Often, you read lots of scenes that are fine and have a clear point, but the dialogue isn’t focused. That’s where polishing comes in. It’s looking at every single line and making sure it’s right down to the number of syllables. With Arachnophobia, I had to liven it up. Add some energy and a bit of humor.”  

Over the course of three weeks, Strick worked in a garage converted into a makeshift office, “punching up” the script.  

“There was a lot of pressure because it was already in production but I had a sense of what was needed,” he said. “Even so, it was a little dicey. There was a lot hanging on it.”  

Good times and Goodman 

Both Kennedy and Marshall were thrilled with the changes Strick made. It struck a chord with Marshall’s desire to make Arachnophobia more like a ghost train ride at an amusement park than a night in a haunted house.  

“I liked his dialogue and he wrote creepy scenes,” Marshall later told Amblin. “I thought that was fun… he wrote good characters.”  

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Daniels echoed that sentiment, explaining to the Orlando Sentinel how the fresh injection of comedy helped the film ebb and flow. 

“We approached it as a comedy with a couple of thrills,” he said. “We knew we had the thrills in there, so we worked hard to make sure the movie had a sense of humour about itself.”  

The humor, he said, “kind of relaxes the audience, so that we can come in and get them again.” 

Strick ended up staying involved in the project, albeit in a removed capacity – Marshall would occasionally phone him from the set to bounce around ideas. Whether he can be credited for John Goodman’s performance is up for debate, though he did write several of his lines. Goodman’s cameo remains a source of some contention among Arachnophobia fans. Riding high off the success of Roseanne at the time, it was Spielberg who suggested Goodman appear as exterminator Delbert McClintock.  

Marshall had been eager to inject some humor into the proceedings but Goodman’s exaggerated performance – supposedly based on a real-life exterminator he knew and an old science teacher – jars with the straight-faced approach seen elsewhere.  

Testing and Box Office 

Not that it mattered all that much to movie-goers.  

“I went to a few test screenings and the whole audience would be shrieking and just generally reacting,” Strick says.  

Those test screenings did pick up one issue though, the original ending, which saw the film conclude immediately after the spider nest is destroyed, fell flat. It was Strick who came up with the idea of showing that the family had moved back to San Francisco.  

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“They wanted something they could shoot in one day. It had to be simple.”  

Billed as the first “thrill-omedy” – a term widely ridiculed by the press at the time – Arachnophobia went on to enjoy modest success at the box office, drawing $53.2 million off a budget of $22 million.  

Strick has his own theory for why the film underwhelmed.  

“I remember my younger sister, Charlotte, told me she couldn’t see it because she was too scared of spiders. I realized a lot of women felt like that. They say when couples go to the movies it’s the female that picks the movies. I’m not sure if that’s true but that’s gospel in Hollywood. I worried that if women were afraid to see it men wouldn’t either.”  

In any case, like many films of the era, Arachnophobia went on to enjoy a second life on video, helped by some standout scares that proved popular with the rewind/slow-motion generation of VHS hounds.  

Remake 

While Strick tends to avoid revisiting his own work, he was pleasantly surprised when rewatching Arachnophobia. 

“I was reluctant to watch it again in case it was a relic of another era of Hollywood but it’s still loads of fun,” he says. “My wife was jumping and shrieking and she’s the ideal audience because she’s terrified with spiders. It’s a very funny movie and yet a lot of people die.”  

With talk of a potential remake on the way, Strick has one bit of advice: “Don’t do it”.  

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“I don’t especially see how or why they would need to remake it for a modern audience. There is something timeless about the original and the way we made it.”  

30 years later, Arachnophobia remains a true one-off.  A film equal parts horror and comedy and one that would fall flat if either side hadn’t been up to muster. In that sense it’s wholly unique and might be better off staying that way.  

The post How Arachnophobia Became the Perfect Creepy Crawly Horror Comedy appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[smolbeandrabbles]

The First Time - Orson Krennic x Reader (Rogue One)

GIF CREDIT: @esmesqualor

Author’s Note: First off. There has never been a more appropriate time to gift you Krennic.

@my-world-of-imagines If I’ve told you once, I’ve probably told you 100 times. But seen as it’s your fic that was responsible for me even having a crush on Krennic, it is only appropriate that I bring him out here for your writing challenge. And I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing This is part of @my-world-of-imagines 3K Follower Angst Challange! - Congrats on 3K! ❤ You deserve it! ❤ Phrase: Number 45,  “Wasn’t I worth a goodbye?”

Premise: When your planet aligns with the Empire and you join their ranks, you come face to face with a man you thought you’d never see again. And he owes you an apology... Disclaimer: Krennic, much as I wish he was, is not mine nor was he my idea.  ’Reader’ and her planet are mine. I made that up myself! Words: 2061

Warnings: Romantic Angst, because as always that’s the genre!

Even when you don't have me You can still be the one to hurt me It must feel good to know That I'm still holdin' on to letting go

That's why the past should be the past Far behind, back of mind, out of the way Let the memories burn and crash 'Cause sittin' here... Is just tearin' my heart back in half Like nothing's changed except the time that's passed...

You’d met him on Pravaxiya. A paradise beach planet you just so happened to have the luxury of living on. You knew at the time you were one of many. You’d heard Orson Krennic was partial to parties and kept a long string of lovers. But he never made you feel like you were one. It had been great while it lasted. One endless hot summer... He insisted on letting you in on all his secrets; even those it sounded like he wasn’t supposed to share. He was working on an architectural project here. You liked watching him draw. Every morning he would sit overlooking the crystal clear deep blue water and diamond white sand beaches drawing buildings.... It didn’t seem too good to last. Far from it, sometimes he told you that when he had to leave, he would take you with him. And you must have believed him. Because one day he was just gone. Up in the middle of the night and vanished. And it broke your heart, whether you’d known better or not. Now you faced endless nights in your bed alone. And although it was always summer here, you’d never known it to be colder. What hurt the most for you though was that you’d never had that one last conversation. He’d never told you he was leaving, and he’d never said goodbye. He left the buildings he’d created, though, as some twisted constant reminder. 

 **

 Eventually your planet had been swallowed up by this war too... and you’d joined the ranks of the Empire. And even though you’d always known Krennic would be somewhere you never thought you’d actually see him.  It wasn't that you forgot Krennic. You couldn't. That was impossible. It was that you just didn't ever expect to hear his name; being intelligence you expected him on far away covert missions. And who, in all honesty and in the midst of war, really cared so much about architecture? So, the first time you heard his name your heart skipped. And then you started noticing it. Because apparently, he was now fronting the Advanced Weapons Research division? And he was a Director. Director. That word resounded in your head. That meant he was big news. And there was no way you were ever going to see him again... Clearly, given his new found status you weren't ever worthy of a goodbye. He was way above all that now...  Until you were put on the same ship as him. And the only reason you even knew that was because people spread his name around like an excited whisper. And if they'd been so fortunate as to meet him, they displayed it like a badge of honour. That made your ego swell a little - met him!? You'd loved on that guy. These imperials had no idea. You had information on Orson Krennic that was likely to ruin his reputation... But then, you knew he already HAD that kind of reputation... You weren't even trying to avoid him, you just never saw him around... But you found that was disappointing to you. You couldn't understand why you wanted to see him. That idea was crazy to you. After what he'd done!!? And it wasn’t like you wanted to see him to slap him, or yell at him, or... You actually wanted to see him. To remember what it felt like to hold him close to you again. Y/N GET A GRIP!!!

It didn’t help that you had taken pieces of him with you. Covering the wall of the room you shared with fellow officers were several architectural drawings he had gifted you. You spent every off duty waking hour now staring at them and sinking further into this love-sick depressive state. Your roommate had quizzed you on them more than once. But although you yearned to be back in the place and time he drew them, you never wanted to talk about them; “They are really good! did you draw them?” “No...” “Oh. Who?” “He’s long gone now...”   ** Orson Krennic. Now director. May have moved on. But he’d never forgotten you. And he’d regretted leaving the way he did for the past few years. He always meant to go back, it was a promise he’d made himself, but never been able to keep because of this damned war... He’d been forced off that planet by the Empire. He liked what he was doing there - as well as his architectural work - the planet was known for its rich mining facilities. And he was exploiting that for all it was worth. The stones weren’t exactly Kyber, but until he managed to trace Galen again, he would work with what he had.

He hadn’t had the time to say goodbye though. They had called him to a meeting late in the evening and he’d thought that they’d finally made some kind of scientific breakthrough. No. They were just going to leave and it had to be now, no questions asked. Of course, he was furious and had many, many questions but... He had to act like that was fine. Because if anyone discovered you it wasn’t likely to be his career but your life on the line. He didn’t like that idea. He knew that no matter what he told intelligence they would never believe that he had told you nothing of the super weapon he was helping to construct. He’d hidden it mostly because he was scared of your reaction. But also, because he secretly felt a little in over his head with it. Dammit! He needed Galen Erso! He hated goodbyes; he didn’t often say them unless he wanted them to be so final. Which is why he hadn’t even asked if he could go back to you to say it. But he should have gone back to you to say something... 

He let out a frustrated sigh as he stared at the many stars the ship was idly passing by. Trouble was, everything about being with you on Pravaxiya was so perfect, and everything that had happened to him since then had been from bad to worse. It wasn’t working for him; he was trying to build something for himself too, and as long as the project was stalling that wasn’t happening either. Oh, and Tarkin was sure as hell making sure he knew that! He turned back to his desk. Usually bare aside from his tablet and the single architectural model he’d built as part of his final project during the Futures Program. Today it was also strewn with a few pieces of note paper. Whenever he thought of you, Krennic would start drawing. Because it was something you’d love to see him do. He sat and stared at each of his designs in turn, taking as long as possible over every single one. But they only made his heart ache... Each time he did this he knew... He’d created them for you. He wanted to build them for you... He wanted to take your hand and lead you through whatever city they would be placed in and stand you in front of them and beam and tell you they were all yours... How likely was that to happen now? He already knew, for what he had done, you probably never wanted to see him again… You probably hated him. He'd left to protect you and he couldn’t even tell you that. It wasn’t even about him and what he wanted to achieve. It was about you. It had always been about you.   **   The social gathering was small. You weren't even particularly that interested in going, but your shift mates and your roomie had dragged you along anyway. And you certainly hadn't expected high ranking officials to be there. In fact, you hadn't noticed any until it happened. Those eyes of his were unmistakable as he caught yours and you both froze. He looked just as flawless as you remember, from his neat greying hair, to the cut of his uniform and the long flowing white cape. Easily your favourite part. Neither of you had expected to see the other here, and for different reasons. Hell, he probably didn't even know you were now working for the Empire. And despite everything, despite the fact you knew you wanted his love over anything, despite the fact he held rank over you... You found yourself getting mad. Excusing yourself from your friends you stalked across the room. You weren't thinking, and you were going to get in trouble, but at this point you honestly didn't care if they kicked you out. He had to know. He saw you coming, because he couldn't take his eyes off you. Making him excuse himself from the conversation, and just when you thought he might head your way... He headed in the opposite direction. Oh no, he was NOT getting away from you that easy. He swept through the exit and you let out an angry sigh. No way in hell did Orson Krennic get to do this to you again. Director or not. "Don't you dare walk away from me!" You didn't know where you got the courage to yell it at him across the empty corridor. You also were surprised that he actually stopped. He turned, and at least he had the decency to look guilty "You don't get to do that to me! Not again!"  "Y/N... Let me explain..."  "Save it!" It grated with you how remarkably calm he was, you almost wanted a screaming match, you didn’t want him to look at you like it was all his fault even though it was. It upset you. “Wasn’t I worth a goodbye?” You’d hurt him, his face was too emotional for this job, but you’d really hurt him. “Yes...” He sighed and looked to the floor “Of course you were...” His eyes flicked back to yours “But I didn’t want to say something so final to someone I didn’t want to leave...”  “Then why did you?” “Because I had to.” You shook your head “That’s NOT an excuse!” “The Intelligence Bureau would have torn you apart. They would have taken you away from me. Do you understand that!? Saying Goodbye would have torn me apart... It would tear YOU apart.” He let the silence between you linger because you knew he was right “...I couldn’t do that to you. Not that...” He hesitated for just a second, and you thought you glimpsed a smile “...It implies I would never see you again. Which, by all means is clearly not true.” “So you’d have come back!?” There was too much hope in your voice. There was not enough in his. And it was killing him. He opened his mouth and hesitated again.  "I'm sorry. Y/N. I know why you followed me out here... I Know. But I cannot... I cannot give you what you want from me.” Your smile at the thought he might confess something suddenly turned to heartbreak "What. " You didn’t understand "Forgive me. But I cannot be the man you want me to be..." He backed away a few paces "And this should stay as the glorious summer affair that I will always remember it as.” By now you were in tears "Krennic... Why...!?" "I will not put you in that kind of danger. In that position..." He turned and his cape danced with the movement. How could he walk away from you again when he looked like this? He sighed, still turned away from you as he delivered his next blow, your sobs echoing off the corridor walls "It is unfair on you to keep you here. And it would not serve well for both of us to be in the same ship... I will see you transferred tomorrow." He paused "I did love you. Y/N... But I cannot allow myself to fall for you again now... I am sorry." And he walked. He didn't even glance back. He just walked away from you. Your tears blurred the bright white of his uniform and the black decor into one. You couldn't believe this is how he would leave it. After all this time he would leave you like this. Broken in the middle of a corridor of his own design? And once again, Orson Krennic had left you without a goodbye. 

...And that’s why Goodbye should mean Goodbye, The First Time...

-----  

So... I just went full on ANGST at you. And honestly, he was gonna end up with you/her. He WAS. Until I made a snap judgement to take the ‘angst’ bit and just... Run a little too far. I’m sorry guys... I’m so sorry!!!

Just bookeded the lyrics so the title makes more sense! There! You’re welcome!

[gooddadstan]

Fuzzy Walls and Tired Eyes chapter 3

At some point in time, Tim finds himself standing in a graveyard. Staring at the headstone in front of him, he recognizes it as the one with the bodies of Janet and Jack Drake, not from the unreadable words on the grave, or the scenery around him, but from the voice in the back of his mind that tells him it is, and he accepts it. All of his training along with every cynical bone in his body is saying he shouldn’t, that he should analyze and confirm the reality of the situation, but he doesn’t remember how he came to stand here anyway and every single point is telling him it’s a dream, so he’s just going to go along with it and see how it ends up. Nothing better than standing in front of your parent’s grave, right? Besides, he already tried waking himself up and it didn’t work, so he’s stuck here.

In front of the grave, his senses are accosted by the smell of wet grass and the feeling of humidity in the air, stuffy in the dressy suit he’d most certainly not been wearing seconds ago. The shadows are longer than he’d remembered, unwavering and intimidating in a way they hadn’t been in a long while. An all too familiar sense of failure and shame swells up in his chest, as off to the side a scene plays out of him standing over his father’s body, unable to do anything but stare at the corpse. He’d never really mourned the loss of his father, in the end, not other than what little he needed to do publicly. He’d only mourned the loss of the relationship they’d started to form. God, what kind of son is he? The hot, empty tears that sent rage to his core swelled in his eyes, and then he’s being lifted up with a batarang to his throat.

The fabric of the Robin uniform’s cape tangles between his feet as he struggles for a second before forcing himself into stillness, hands clutched around the arm holding him up. The arm of his brother. Not that this was his brother, but the likeness was enough to send shivers down his spine. Though the real version did attack him all the same, later on in their lives, this one was not him, and thus cannot be associated with the real being. Of course not. Then why do the memories flood over each other, fear undue for actions not Jason’s but Clayface’s. Why does he still have to fight down defensive movement when the Red Hood approaches him on patrol, in the way that he doesn’t have to do with any other Bat. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself, it’s not happening anyway. With his newfound awareness of the situation and its faults, he could feel the ever so faint motion of clay as his captor pulled him close, shifting and yelling as the same as he had years ago. So as Batman formed in front of him, in that same stance with a vague panic hidden behind the cowl, he didn’t bother with the pleasantries of flailing around and trying to break free of the grip on his body. The words being spoken were inconsequential, and he only needed to wait it all out.

His stillness is interrupted by falling towards the grass in a practiced dodge, Batman sending a kick above his head. His uniform, Red Robin now, showed the diagnostics of Bruce’s disappearance even as Dick traded blows with him. The words spoken, full of venom, weren’t coming from him, instead floating into the air from nothing without changing the flow of the scene. To be called an equal then kicked aside and belittled, no trust in his words and pity in his eyes as he throws another punch. The sting of it hurt far more than the physical pain of his body. Unimportant, focus on the issue at hand, every nerve in him screeched, but his mind wandered elsewhere. And as his surroundings shift uneasily, from the red and white of a hightop as screams rang from ahead, to the empty halls of Drake manor sitting clean and proper under his small footsteps sounding rhythmically as he meanders, to the cold but home-like metals of Titans Tower with the sounds of laughter and chattering in distant rooms. He stands there a moment before sinking into his regular spot on the couch, warm and home in a way it hadn’t been since Bruce disappeared.

It only took a second after he’d let himself relish the calm for him to be punched to the ground. A fleeting glimpse of red, yellow, and green, conflicting with his own in the whirlwind his eyes are providing him. He huffs a sigh, falling back into the motions as he rises and gets hit again and again by the man he calls his brother. Jason, the real him now, angry and looming in an outfit meant to bring comfort and reassurance. Shouting about replacements, and asking questions the same voice from the graveyard answers as well as it can. A punch flies into his face before he can block it, and immediately he’s staring into the dark ceilings of the cave as he falls from the stuffed Tyrannosaurus. Damian’s smug expression stands unwavering above, watching as the green of his uniform and the dinosaur grows farther from Tim’s grasp.

Before he could hit the ground again, he found himself standing in a warehouse.

It wasn’t a particularly familiar warehouse, but it sparked enough recognition in his mind to not set off a panic. He doesn’t think he’d ever really been standing in this warehouse. Almost as if to adjust for that, his body snapped into pain, his Red Robin uniform scratched and battered like how he’d expect from coming out of an encounter with one of the A-list rogues, not a routine drug bust. But while he was about 90% certain he’d broken at least an arm before he was in this warehouse, there’s no marks on his skin, the new holes in his suit leading way to the normal pale skin contrary to the sting of pain in his limbs.

The floor sits as a dull metal, flecks of red across it from a few too many work accidents before the site was shut down. Normal. The walls, however, look like they’re made out of shag carpeting, appearing soft and inviting in a way that the walls of a warehouse really shouldn’t be. But no alarms go off in his mind, and he has to guess that this was commandeered by some weird villains in the past. Maybe they were dealt with on one of the gala nights he always hated attending. Would’ve thought he’d have come across it on his cataloguing of the Gotham villains, though. Reaching out to touch the carpeting, the softness of it goes through his gloves to his fingertips, and doesn’t fall away when he yanks at it. Instead, it draws him in with snaking tendrils of shag that envelops him easily.

What Tim saw next was best described as a Wonderland-esque clusterfuck.

People bustled around, occasionally popping from one part of the room to another and repeating tasks they’d already completed, talking and smiling and shifting their outfits and faces to be one person then another. They’d get into conversations with other versions of one person, cracking jokes about how ‘well one of us needs to change’ and then shifting simultaneously to a different person. The background kept changing, from warehouses to the Batcave to a bowling alley Tim had only been in once to do some undercover work. There were flowers sprouting in thin air, and writhing forms of matter twisting to try and be a solid object only to melt into an ocean of nonsense once more.

The rapid changing and confusion let growing around him, becoming louder and more crowded as glimpses of memories showed between people, right and wrong and both at the same time. It was starting to give him a headache. He could operate crowds, usually, his mother wouldn’t tolerate it if he couldn’t hold his own at a gala, but this was beyond any of the parties he’d been to. Too much chaos, too much indiscriminate noise, too much pushing and prodding and swirling existence. None of the rhythm he’d grown accustomed to with large groups of people. He wanted out, the pain in his body mixing with the pain in his mind until he woke up with a gasp.

Immediately, he recognized that he was in the cave. The dark ceilings high above his head were unmistakable. Irritation bit at his face and limbs, dull stings pulsing with his heartbeat. His left arm is immobile, along with his right leg, and he can feel the bandages tight where they’re adhered. He moves his unbound arm to his face, ignoring the objections of the IV sending some sort of fluid into his system, hand slapping directly onto an oxygen mask that shifts uncomfortably on his skin. Shifting his head first to the left, he sees the other beds in the medbay, empty and eternally prepped for quick transfer of patients. The medical cabinets sit off to the other side, lining the wall as orderly as ever. Turning his head to the right, where the chairs are when they haven’t been scattered from the movement of the assorted Bats, he sees four chairs, all empty.

He shouldn’t have been expecting someone to be there when he woke up. The Joker had been loose and the Bats needed to be prioritizing that. But it still stung, more than he’d ever care to admit, that nobody was even in the cave when he woke up. The increased beeps of the heart rate monitor was more than enough to act as an indicator for anyone outside the medbay, and the sounds of him hitting the oxygen mask and moving his head would do the trick even if a fluctuating heartbeat had been normal for his unconsciousness. It was normal for Bruce to sit and wait after patrol, or Dick to hover and mother-hen, or Alfred to sit with a cup of tea during what break time he gets. Now there was… nothing. It hurt, somehow, knowing that they wouldn’t deviate from their patrols to be there. It hurt more than any of the physical injuries he had. That was probably the worst thing, that for all the pain his body was in, he let some stupid guilt hurt him more. It was unprofessional.

Tim stayed awake for somewhere between a minute and a half hour, his mind too tired to keep count and no clock in sight. When he finally heard some shuffling out in the cave, his heart leaped at the thought of someone finally being there, and the damned machine betrayed him by saying it. Almost immediately, Alfred was in the medbay, and the guarded fearful expression melted into a kind half-smile covering a grimace. He felt guilty.

“Master Timothy, I’m terribly sorry I was not here when you regained consciousness.” Despite his mouth still open and taking in a breath to continue, Tim only raised a hand and waved it away. It’s not like it was Alfred’s fault, after all, he had a lot of responsibilities around the house. No use in making him feel bad for things he couldn’t change.

With a small pained expression, Alfred walks over and begins adjusting the IV stand just out of Tim’s sight. He could turn his head and look if he wanted to, but he was just so tired, and exhaustion was setting into his bones more every second. Maybe he should just… go back to sleep.

As his eyes droop downwards, more sluggish than normal, Alfred could only hope that this sleep would be a painless one. Tears never did make good background noise, in the end.

[s-nebul0sa]

Twenty-Two Days

Read on AO3

Lena is beginning to regret her decision to let Kara carry their future child. It was an easy choice to make at first. Kara was the one who so badly wanted biological children, so Lena said she’d be the one to carry them. There was no way she’s going to ruin her own body for that – unless Kara was unable to conceive, then she’d do it for her wife. She just didn’t want to imagine what a pregnancy with a half-Kryptonian would do to her.

Thankfully, Kara got pregnant without much trouble. And after their first ultrasound, the first time Lena sees and hears the baby, she’s in love.

As bad as it is to watch Kara fight rogue aliens and criminals, it’s a thousand times worse knowing that if something happens it’s not just Kara getting hurt.

So, when she finds herself left alone at dinner, a plate half-finished sitting on the table opposite her, she can’t help but beat herself up over it. She’d not have to go through this all if she hadn’t been so stubborn. Even if she has a target on her own back, it’s not as bad as the target Supergirl is carrying on hers. Her assassination attempts are less frequent and, because they concern herself, less excruciating to experience. It’s not like any of them ever succeeded. (Okay, one time Morgan Edge got close with the poison in her coffee incident but that was a one-time thing. She’s a lot more careful with what she ingests now.)

She gets up and turns on the television, food forgotten. It’s like she’s drawn to watching her wife fight, even though it’s almost unbearable. It’s as if not watching is asking for something bad to happen. As if not watching is abandoning Kara, and Lena would never do that. That was one thing she’d always been sure of, long before she spoke the promise to have and to hold Kara until death do them part. Lena has her insecurities, but that was never one of them.

The worst thing about watching Kara is that Kara’s not human, she’s super. She has super speed and the cameras are always struggling to keep up. It’s the moments between shots, the moments the media can’t keep up with her. It’s those that make Lena stop breathing. They tighten her throat and squeeze all air from her lungs. Until there’s a clear image of Supergirl on the screen again, flying or standing. Skin unimpaired, eyes fierce and showing no sign of weakness.

Kara’s suit has been adjusted, the stiff material too tight for her to fit in anymore. A special, stronger layer added to the middle. Protecting the precious cargo in her belly.

It’s been a reason for ample of discussions and even flat out fights. Lena did not want Kara to be Supergirl anymore. Not until the baby’s born. Kara couldn’t stop protecting the citizens. She couldn’t give up her duty to Earth. After one of the fights turned really ugly and Kara had spent the night at Alex’s, the agent had set both of them down to come to an agreement. Their emotions had run high, but Alex had been adamant about figuring it out.

She’d listened to both their arguments, keeping as objective as possible and through the whole ordeal, Lena was more grateful than ever to have become a Danvers. Alex was the best sister (in-law) she could ever imagine. When, finally, Alex had come to a verdict, neither of them agreed at first. They were both stopped in their protest with a pointed look and relented. Kara would be Supergirl until she reached the third trimester. She would not run into fights unprepared, always wait for back-up and never ignore orders from higher-up or she’d be benched immediately.

Lena looks intently at the screen, wishing for this fight to just be over. Every hit Kara takes makes her jump, makes her heart beat rise and her blood pressure reach dangerous heights. Maybe it’s a good things Kara iscarrying the baby because Lena’s body reacts so strongly to Kara fighting (it always did, even when Kara wasn’t pregnant) it can be nothing good for a foetus. With every minute that passes by, Lena chants to herself ‘only twenty-two more days, only twenty-two more days, only twenty-two more days’. As if the prospect of Kara being Supergirl for twenty-two more days is a relief. It’s not. But Lena has to do something to keep her mind from going to the places that make her break down. To keep her mind from telling her that all it really takes is just one bad moment. One well-aimed hit. One too strong opponent.

It takes all she has not to bolt out the door and drive to the fight. The first and only time she did that, she ended up getting cuffed by Alex and thrown in a DEO cell for the night because she didn’t stick to the deal. With Lena present, Kara doesn’t fight as good. Always tuned in to her wife and worried, trying to keep her safe instead of subduing the alien or criminal.

Lena can still feel the burn of the cold metal on her wrists when she thinks back. She pushes away the ideas of running after her wife away and keeps staring at the screen.

Kara’s fighting an alien this time. Both of them flying high up. Her heat vision seems to have little effect on the large creature and its scales appear to give it some form of natural armour. But Kara’s a smart fighter, dodging most of the sluggish punches thrown her way. Making sure she can deflect the rest or take the punch in a spot that doesn’t matter as much.

Fighting takes a little more energy now, always focussed on not getting hit in the stomach. It probably wouldn’t do anything, her skin is still made of steel and her suit is stronger than ever, but she’s not willing to test it. She only really has to work this alien down to the ground so the DEO agents can subdue it and lock it up. The alien is really just a heavy rock floating in the sky, unaffected by most of Kara’s attacks but too focussed on the blonde in front of it to realise that it can wreck a lot more havoc by attacking bystanders or passers-by.

When it spreads its arms, no doubt in an attempt to catch Kara and crush her between its…. – for lack of a better term – arms, Kara sees a small colour change between its scales. It’s as if the scales parted a little and are showing its soft core. She doesn’t have time to analyse any longer as its arms start moving towards each other with great force. She flies back out of reach and its hands close around nothing, sending a shockwave of air in all directions catching Kara of guard and sending her flying backwards a little more.

As the alien closes the distance, she has time to think and plan. She flies around it, causing it to miss punch after punch due to her high speed. Then she stops for a moment, right in front of it and within reach. The alien spreads its arms again, causing a small smile to appear on Kara’s lips. It’s really too easy this way. When the scales spread, she punches her hand right in the middle of the patch of orange that’s now showing.

She feels a soft goo suck in her arm even more and fears the alien will actually get a hit on her as she can’t seem to retract her arm. She struggles a little more, trying to pull back but unable so without anything to brace herself against. Then the alien’s arms come falling down to its sides, his altitude drops and Kara is pulled down along with it. She slows its descend by flying upward, the alien still attached to her arm. Together, they land on the street with a thud and agents rush over to detach them. Kara uses her feet to create leverage against its body and with use of super strength she is suddenly released with a pop and sent reeling back.

Alex rushes over to her side, worry on her face. A look Kara is getting sick of. She’s fine. They’re fine. She’s Supergirl for Rao’s sake, not made from sugar but from steel. Before Alex has reached her, she’s back on her two feet already.

“I’m fine, Alex,” she says even before Alex can ask. She knows her sister long enough to know she was about to ask.

“Okay, good. But I’m going to scan you anyway. We don’t know what effect having your arm stuck inside the alien has on you.” Alex whips out a small scanner, very much looking like the ones used in stores only a few sizes up. It’s one of Lena’s inventions, making it easier to detect lasting effects on Kara and trace amounts of Kryptonite radiation in case Kara’s come into contact with it without noticing. Especially useful after a second red kryptonite incidence almost sent Kara into full National City Destruction Mode™.

Kara endures the scanning, knowing full well she’ll never be allowed to be Supergirl ever again if she refuses, and it enables her to go home if she’s cleared. After a minute, a small beeping noise sounds from the device.

“Okay, you’re cleared. You can go home but you know the drill. If anything odd happens, if you feel strange or if anything changes you come straight to the DEO,” Alex says, throwing Kara a towel to clean her arm on.

“I know, I know. You don’t have to tell me every time. Lena will be the first to drag me there so don’t worry.” Kara throws the towel back and lifts off, making sure she does it slowly so as not to send Alex reeling back from the force.

The moment Kara lands on their balcony, Lena can breathe again. She’s seen Kara win the fight on the television but it’s not the same as seeing her wife safe and sound standing right in front of her. She runs over to the caped figure outside, wrapping her tight in her arms. Needing to actually feel that Kara’s really unhurt.

“You’re okay,” Lena whispers in Kara’s ear, blinking back tears. If she didn’t know any better she’d think shewas the hormonal one.

“I’m okay,” Kara softly confirms.

Lena’s hands trail down from Kara’s shoulders to her belly, resting on the swell beneath the blue fabric.

“You’re okay too.” Lena says, bending down to press a kiss on top of Kara’s stomach. Lena earns an answer in the form of a small kick and she’s finally able to fully smile again. She presses kisses all over Kara’s belly, wanting to show them both she loves them but is rudely interrupted by the loud rumbling of a stomach. Kara’s. Of course. She didn’t have a chance to finish dinner before the fight and her appetite was already humongous before she got pregnant. Feeding a half-Kryptonian baby too made her constantly hungry. It was a rare sight to find Kara not eating something nowadays.

Lena chuckles and sees Kara grin sheepishly. She drags her wife over to the kitchen and puts her in a chair, prompting her to finish dinner. Kara gets up and speeds off to put on something more comfortable to wear before she complies. Her suit might be safer now, but it certainly hasn’t improved in user-friendliness. She’s back at the table before Lena even notices she’s left.

By now, they know each other well enough to know their quirks and pet peeves. Lena knows Kara will not be satisfied by merely this dinner, especially after such a fight so she heats up the oven and throws in some pizzas. Kara knows Lena doesn’t like cold food, which she still doesn’t understand because food is food but she uses her heat vision to heat up what’s left on Lena’s plate anyway.

The rest of dinner is spent in silence, Kara too busy eating and Lena too busy checking out Kara to make sure there truly is nothing wrong with her. When they’re both finally finished eating, they move to the couch. Tonight, they just want to feel each other close and take it slow.  

Lena places herself behind Kara, one leg on each side of the blonde. Her hands come around the body in front of her. Four hands are resting on the baby growing inside Kara, showing them how much they’re loved and protected already. Kara puts on her favourite TV show and leans back against Lena. They both watch intently but Lena gets distracted before they’re even halfway. She presses her lips against the exposed skin in front of her. The soft spot where Kara’s neck flows into her shoulder. Lena leaves behind a trail of red lipstick, the only spots she’ll ever make on Kara. She enjoys leaving as many of them as possible and swipes Kara’s hair away to colour a path along her neck to the other shoulder. Her free hand roams up Kara’s shirt and when Kara moans she lets it cup Kara’s boob through her bra.

Kara’s hands suddenly rest on Lena’s thighs, encouraging her to slip Kara out of her shirt and press kisses along her spine. Kara turns around to catch Lena’s lips with her own and make sure Lena doesn’t lag behind in her state of nakedness. Nimble fingers unclip Lena’s bra without even looking at the nice dark purple lace and slip it from her shoulders. Lena’s fingers find Kara’s bottoms and tug the elastic band down, slipping it to Kara’s knees where it can’t move down any further because of the couch. Kara gets up, never breaking contact with Lena’s lips, and slips out of her pants. She pulls her head back slowly, making Lena chase her lips and get up too. A sneaky way to easily get rid of Lena’s bottoms. She’s still working on the button when soft hands find the clasp of her own bra and slip it off. Those same soft hands rest on top of hers, helping her unbutton Lena’s pants. When those are shed too, Lena presses herself closer to Kara and tries to move them in the direction of the bedroom. At first, Kara doesn’t comply, revelling in the closeness of their bodies. Eventually she gives in and starts walking backwards, letting Lena guide her. Fully trusting her wife to make sure they end up in the right room.

[dcarevu]

Batman TAS: The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne

“Sunshine. Clean air. I hate it.”

Episode: 37 Robin: Yes Writers: Judith Reeves-Stevens (teleplay), Garfield Reeves-Stevens (Teleplay), and David Wise (Story) Director: Frank Paur Animator: Akom Airdate: October 29, 1992 Grade: B

Whoa! Wait a minute! Didn’t we just talk about the episode Eternal Youth? And wasn’t that episode #29? Now we’re going to jump all the way up to #37? Did I miss something?

That was supposed to be an imitation of you. Not in a condescending way. Because yeah, we did jump ahead! Oh, don’t worry, we will be taking a look at every episode between Eternal Youth and Strange Secret, but we’ll be doing so in a “split timeline” fashion (term ripped from StephenVlogs/Zelda). I have been really behind with the posts for a while now because of the work I had in college. And I’ll keep getting further behind unless I do something. So today, we have jumped up to where I actually am with the episodes. This way I am caught up, and then I can go back and review the episodes I have missed when I have the spare time to do so. It’s as simple as that. And if you’re someone who would prefer not to read ahead, feel free to wait for me to catch up in the past timeline.

In the present timeline, we’re looking at Dr. Hugo Strange’s debut, as well as the first time we have seen some of Batman’s major villains work together. This episode is important, because it sets up possibilities for the future (ex Almost Got ‘im and Trial), but aside from that, it ends up being pretty inconsequential, and simply a fun episode with some laughs along the way. When we see the title and the title card, though, it is hard not to expect more. Char figured that this would be a deep episode about Batman’s past, and while we do go back in time a little bit through Bruce Wayne’s mind, it’s nothing that we haven’t seen before, and it’s incredibly short. Also, I don’t exactly know who that is on the title card. It looks like it is one of Strange’s men, but it’s also entirely possible that it is Bruce. It has virtually nothing to do with the episode, honestly, and because of that, it’s not one of my favorite title cards. Maybe this episode was much different in an earlier draft, and they had to water it down for kids. That wouldn’t shock me, this episode is a lot more cartoony than most. The main plot features a mind-reading device that leads its victims through personal, repressed memories, and then displays these thoughts as video onto a screen that Strange gets to look at. It also records the thoughts onto tape. Look, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to invisibility (See No Evil), or even when it comes to transforming people into trees. This is a little silly. And this is following a pretty tense scene at the beginning, where a Gotham judge is desperately trying to buy one of these tapes back, which shows that she was the one who caused a major fire long ago as a child, and has kept it a secret ever since. She doesn’t have enough money to pay for the tape, so Strange’s goons don’t give it to her, and they tell her that she now owes even more (they also have a duplicate tape as backup, seen later. Evil bastards). She’s so desperate to get the tape, that when Batman swoops in to settle things, the tape happens to find its way onto a dangerous-looking metal beam, suspended above the water, and she crawls out to grab it (nearly falling). It may not be animated that well, but it makes for some good set-up. From here on, though, the episode receives a big tone shift.

After Dr. Hugo Strange reads Bruce’s mind, he discovers that Bruce is Batman. This is a major thing, no one so far in the show, villainous at least, has figured out who Batman is. Shouldn’t this be a super dramatic moment? But it’s really not. I question why Bruce didn’t simply look backwards to see what was showing on the screen or why he was so trusting to begin with, but even more so, I question how Strange deduced that Bruce is Batman through the footage shown. Yeah, we see the bat-signal and Batman’s glove, but this could be a simple metaphor or a desire to be Batman. It proves nothing, to me. But in the show’s logic, we must accept that this is enough to count, and now, armed with Bruce’s secret, Strange attempts to auction the tape to Joker, Penguin, and Two-Face. We get to see all four of these goobery characters interacting, and it is truly great. It’s what makes the episode so watchable. They have such strong personalities, and not once do they ever feel out of character. Even Penguin is a blast, only making one bird pun that I remember. And this bird pun is one that anyone would be likely to make, so it didn’t feel overly gimmicky. This is how to do Penguin right! As he sips his tea in the airplane as they are about to throw Strange out of it, I immediately realized that Batman in my Basement would not taint the character for me. Penguin, we have hope. Don’t screw it up. Two-Face being there wasn’t played seriously either, and this might bother some, but I was fine with it. It is sad to see Harvey stooping at such a low, but he’s a gangster now. It’s just how it is. Not every day for him is going to be that first episode with him all over again, y’know? And with him getting roasted by the Joker the way he did, I am totally open to having such a depressing character in such a casual episode. “Get out of my face, Clown.” “Which one?” Ouch, he walked right into that one.

The one major gripe that I actually have is the ending. I know I haven’t talked about it yet, but it has the same problem that I have with The Cape and Cowl Conspiracy where it is completely unbelievable. You’re telling me that not only does Bruce happen to have a perfect costume of himself that Dick can fit into, but also that Dick can do a 100% perfect Bruce Wayne impression? Get outta town! And then we got that exposition at the end, showing how Dick was able to appear so tall in Bruce’s clothes. I probably would have questioned it otherwise, but that could have been done more elegantly. Just show Dick stepping out of the stilts. We don’t need the “stilted” dialogue explaining it. I really don’t like when the show takes this route of Batman, or someone else, being disguised as someone else, because it always follows damn-near Scooby Doo-logic. Costumes aren’t that perfect. I just don’t buy it. It seems very “kidified", and like the writers simply had no idea how Batman would weasel out of this situation. If Loren Lester can actually do an impression of Kevin Conroy that well, I will eat my coffee cup.

I want this as a poster.

I’m sorry, but her hairline looks like it should belong to some middle-aged dude trying to be hip from the 70′s.

Seeing Batman walk along the top of the bridge was cool. Stealthy Batman is just as great to watch as brutal Batman.

But sometimes he’s both!

Sorry, but that judge was a lot thicker than that. Don’t skimp out.

Gordon chatting with Batman while appearing to be deep in thought, simply peering into the water was a nice touch. 

Gordon witnesses Batman disappearing for once. It would be funny if from this point on, he thought that Batman always escaped via plane.

The large tombstones are cool, but this scene lacked the fluidity it required to be interesting. 

The big reveal that Batman is Bruce Wayne. Ummm... Okay. 

Looks kinda like Keaton Batman. 

This face was really creepy. But apparently she started the fire on accident. Doesn’t really come across with a crazed look like that.

The animation didn’t destroy the episode or anything, but some of these characters have seen better days.

Like, I mean, it’s passable, but I’m not feeling the grotesqueness associated with Two-Face.

This was a rough shot. I’ve noticed that episodes tend to have trouble with shots featuring the Joker’s closed mouth. 

Yikes. Look at. the henchman’s facial structure. What happened, dude? 

I like the Joker’s popcorn-eating as Batman’s identity is about to be revealed. 

And Hugo Strange rubbing his hands together with greed was delightfully silly. I also wonder how the rogues obtained so much money. I bet most of it is Penguin’s. Joker probably contributed the cents.

Got a nice screenshot of Penguin shooting the tape. 

Nice badge.

Compare this to a similar scene in the Batman Beyond pilot. One has a much easier time climbing on a plane, given the suit.

Oh, Penguin. Thinking he’s so damn sophisticated as they drag a screaming man into the sky and threaten to toss him out the door. See, that would be absolutely barbaric, but the tea.

What a dreadful shot. Also, Strange’s voice actor (Ray Buktenica) knocks it out of the park with his pleas. 

Once Gordon and Strange are gone, we see “Bruce” get a bit more of a smug expression that we don’t often see. This is actually Dick, and the change in expression I will praise. Still doesn’t excuse the overall scenario, though!

Char’s grade: A Next time: Heart of Steel (Part 1)

Full episode list here!

[newgeht]

Retrouvailles

Chapter 2 Prompt: Comfort Summary: Only when it was darkest could Minerva be her true self. Her wandering eyes finding what she wanted to see the least, them. Things had developed between the celestial mage and shadow slayer while she was gone. She wanted it to go back the way it was before.  Yukino and Minerva, with side Rokino.  Characters: Minerva Orlando, Yukino Aguria Rating: M Words: 4,760

Retrouvailles - French word for the joy of reuniting with someone after a long separation; separated peoples (couple or not) to find each other

It was their last night in the endless halls of the ever silent mansion. Minerva was on her shift for the night -one more night, she thought. Never getting the chance to have a meaningful conversation with Yukino, she wished their stay would never end.

They truly lived like queens for the week. Luxurious beds, humongous bath tubs that were coupled with the most amazing showers, and a high end kitchen with the latest technologies. All the work she put into her dishes wasn’t taken for granted; Yukino fawning over Minerva for her culinary expertise. It made her heart ache every time the celestial mage smiled while waiting for the dish to be served.

How she wished she could see that white beam shine toward her everyday. Minerva sighed at the thought, checking the time. It was almost Yukino’s turn to take over. The territory mage started toward where she saw the younger mage last, the library. The silver-blue haired girl could always curl up anywhere and read for hours on end, it truly fascinated her. She never had the attention span to sit down for more than a hour to do something so… boring. But if Yukino enjoyed it, she would try to as well.

Her cape brushed against the floor as she walked, stroking the floor in the softest manner. Occasionally she forgot about the soft swishing noise it made, somewhat elevating her senses -making her think someone else was in her presence.

Once to the library, curtly she entered and glanced around the fire lit room. Stepping farther in, she could see the soft head of white hair on the floor. Minerva smiled but her happiness faded when she heard the faint whimpers from the girl. Yukino’s body was sprawled out on the floor, a trembling mess.

Cringing, her first thought was to walk away -like she could help the celestial maiden. Minerva was silent as she inched toward the girl; her heart and mind playing a game of tug-of-war. Couldn’t she get over herself for just one second?

Yukino’s whimpering slowly turning into a wave of crying, body now curled in on itself. Quaking and shivering as leaves do in the winter, the young girl falling from her grace. Minerva bit her lip, her nails digging into her palms as she neared closer to her love. Looking down upon her body, she had not an inkling of an idea; not one sliver of information of what to do.

Hazel eyes looking around frantically for something to help her, she was sure that there wasn’t a book written on these types of things. If there was, it would probably be titled, “Dear lord help me out, my soon-to-be girlfriend is having a night terror.” Something spastic such as that would get a million sales. The thought brought a small smirk to her face and she soon frowned, what was she doing smiling at a time like this?

Another quick glance and she saw the small throw-away blanket on a plush and lavish armchair. Frenzied, Minerva grabbed the scratchy wool fabric and sat next to Yukino, laying the blanket over her trembling frame. As soon as the small comforter was nestled into her, the girl’s shivering ceased.

The fire still danced, snickering at Minerva’s attempt of comfort. She was not going to ruin her chance, never again would she put shame on Yukino.

Not sure of what to do next, she timidly smoothed her hand down the celestial mage’s back. The fabric soft under her fingers, gently circling her fingertips up and down the Sabertooth mage’s body. Previously, she would have thought Yukino to be weak for a situation such as this but things were different. They had both changed, growing to become better women in the end.

Internally, the territory mage was proud to see the valiance the celestial maiden displayed on a daily basis. From her standing in the bar, to her small mess-ups on missions, Yukino was truly glorious. Minerva never knew what the girl saw in her to begin with. He three most powerful words from the most heart-wrenching memory slipped into her mind.

I love you…

Three simple words that in return gave a lifetime of fathomless self-hatred. A wave of new and seemingly endless thoughts berating her mind.Her hand paused for a moment as it danced soothingly around Yukino’s back. What if this just meant she was never capable of being loved? Minerva’s previous formed frown deepened at the question -it was true.

The young maiden cried out again, startling Minerva. Her slim fingers traveled the expanse of her back, Yukino settling right back down. She continued her soft ministrations for a while, travelling higher and higher until her hands were feathering her hair. These movements kept the girl stable; all she needed was some comfort. The silver-haired girl sighed in content, her lips moving as if she was going to say something; she had already screamed some of the Tartaros’ demons names, coupled with Rogue…

Why would Rogue’s name come out of her mouth? When she pondered on it, it was perplexing but she wouldn’t think too much about it now. Even if it was Yukino’s turn to keep watch, she couldn’t bear to wake the girl up.

Minerva slowly opened her mouth, putting her hand up to her mouth, a cry of fatigue coming out. The sandman had finally cast his spell over her, blinking slowly to blot out her bleariness. Sleep was singing a siren’s call, heeding the Sabertooth mage.

Pulling her arms from her lucious coat, she tossed the flimsy fabric onto the couch; laying next to her one and only. The flames of the fire dimming, softly outlining Yukino’s features. Her face was soft and round; refined as she grew older. The celestial mage was absolutely breathtaking after missing her appearance for those long months.

Minerva pulled the celestial maiden into her embrace, wrapping her arms tightly are her waist -she never wanted to let go. Once she saw Yukino again, she realized she had missed too much, especially because of her newfound relationship with Rogue. That was a development she never expected, and yet it happened. The universe works in the most mysterious ways, and she had forgone too much.

The whole guild had grown in power, her dearest friends almost matched her in strength. She had to get stronger not only for Yukino, but for the rest of them. No one would come into harm’s way again, unless her demonic side was possessing her spirit. She could do nothing about her, the demon who had taken over her form.

The demon resided deep within in her and although she was good at controlling it, there were the smallest moments it would get in the way. Like what happened before they left the guild, guilt ringing in her ears. Minerva pushed her face into the back of Yukino, failing to notice the steady breathing of the young girl.

The territory mage was consumed by the tempting hours of night, her hold on Yukino never ceasing. A soft smile coming from the celestial maiden, swaddled in the arms of a past love.

The couple lay on love’s bed, the fire slowly burning down; time cutting it down with each passing minute.

When Yukino woke, she was cold. A blanket of uncertainty wrapped around her still frame as she laid on the beast of a rug. Her back ached from laying on the floor, but her pain came from the empty space behind her.

Frowning, she tried to rid herself of Minerva’s sinful intrusion – she had a loyal boyfriend. The territory mage had long ago passed being unforgivable, yet somehow she still stood on the threshold of Yukino’s heart. What was wrong with her? Minerva’s homecoming overwhelmed her unconscious mind, she was sure she was over her.

But no, the moment she passed through those guild doors severely injured her heart swooned. A beating heart brought back to life with the sight of Minerva’s presence, it made her question everything and still did. She loved Rogue, he was her anchor.

A rock that kept her down to earthland, sure, they weren't perfect but no couple was. Every relationship has its flaws, including the small affair between herself and Minerva had all those years ago. It didn’t last long due to the small imperfections. Nothing corrupt of sin would turn out for the best -sex never led to a healthy relationship.

And that was how it ended, with her pleading for love and a sickening silence was given in return. All she could do was run and as far away as possible. It resulted her in losing the battle against Kagura, she was worthless. Jiemma never let her redeem herself and she ran even more, to the authority opposite of guild and then behind the counter of Sabertooth.

At the mercy of her emotions constantly, it was all she could do to hide from them. Run and run and run, colliding with them at every turn; never stopping when there was a red light. An accident resulting from her sensitivity to others, the feelings that were always abound and mischievous always coming after her. They taunted Yukino and egged her on and she was entangled in the webs of heartbreak every single time. All because she couldn't resist the temptation.

Getting up from the floor, a small tray full of breakfast delights sat with a note. It wasn’t the most alluring piece of paper but it was left by her -the bold letters of her signature profound: Minerva Orlando. Seeing the name made her heart jump, singing the soft tune of love.

Plucking the letter, her eyes roved over it. Far from a confession, it (with little detail) described where she was and when she would come back. Minerva had gone to pick up their reward from the maid serving the house and would return as soon as possible. The territory mage had also left her breakfast, her heart still beating a mile a minute. Knowing that Minerva had made her a lavish meal made her heart flutter, although she wasn’t so stoked about her chicken scratch.

The dark-haired mage’s handwriting was always scrawled so quickly that it was almost impossible to read but the letter was left with her well-being in mind. Her stomach rumbled and she put down the letter, that was her cue to eat. Scooting closer to the dark wooden table, the tray of food held: a china teapot with accompanying plateware, delightful little danish pastries, and small sausages.

Yukino felt a little guilty about the situation, she should have gotten up early to help Minerva. It was the least she could do, but she knew the culinary arts brought joy to the territory mage’s heart. Seeing how much detail put into the small sweet puff delicacies was astounding. The soft edges were folded in on itself, a jewel of jam placed so proportionally in the middle of the folds was perfect. The jelly substance an explosion of tart sweetness in her mouth; she didn’t know whether to love the danish tart for it’s overwhelming perfection or Minerva for making them. The verdict was both, she shook her head -platonic love for the dark-haired woman.

The tea, sausage and tea were all coupled together well in terms of flavor. The earthy seasoning of the sausage coupling well with the tartness of the pastry as well as the smooth and rich essence of the tea. Yukino couldn’t exactly put her finger on what the true flavor was but it was brewed with excellency.

She tended to the platter with reverence, appreciating the food until she was full. Yukino was so deep in her musings, she failed to notice the faint rapping on the library’s door.

Cool hands covered her eyes, and her vision went dark. Surprised, Yukino dropped the danish delight she was working on, “Minerva?”

A soft chuckle was given in response, the hands fleeting from her vision. A playful voice followed, “I never thought you would guess.” The territory mage retreated to the other side of the tabe, kneeling down as she partook of her creation. Minerva was already dressed for the day, showing her usual amount of cleavage.

The celestial mage smiled at Minerva’s presence, “You did a really great job -no. Amazing job with breakfast today. It was my favorite of this week.”

Her hazel eyes twinkled with triumph, gaining a small smile in return but she was never so modest. “I thought the blueberry and banana pancakes were your favorite, just like every other day was,” Minerva began to mimic Yukino, “I loved every meal you have made for me this week, and I’m too afraid to admit it.” Minerva laughed some more, not playing the part of Yukino anymore. “It’s ok to say you liked all of it.”

Yukino joined in her laughter, enjoying the territory mage’s rendition of herself. Not trying to show the woman in glory she spoke, “It was all good but I can still have my favorites. It just happened that they changed from day to day. The pastries you made were absolutely perfect.”

The woman basked in the complement, still nibbling on the last of the small delicacies. “I made them, of course they are.” She could never be humble, but her personality was refreshing to Yukino. It wasn’t like Rogue’s or Sting’s, but then again that’s what made everyone so different. She missed being around the territory mage so often.

“Oh stop,” she lightly chided, sipping at her tea. It’s richness filled her insides, a splendid end to her meal. This gained a grin from Minerva, as she stood and took the tray with her.

“Then don’t praise me at all, Yuki.” She felt her cheeks heat up at the small nickname, Minerva had always called her that since they were little. “I’ll be back.”

Her exit was more grand than her entrance, the woman leaving Yukino speechless. Her words an endless torment to her being, how she wished things had turned out differently. But she had moved on now, she couldn’t worry about Minerva anymore.

Yukino got up, following the territory mage, she didn’t want to be left alone again. “Minerva, wait,” she called out, padding her feet against the plush rug. Chasing after her like always, it was like events were on replay from before.

Minerva continued, never waiting for Yukino. Through the stairwell and corridors of the mansion she chased, ending up in the kitchen. “I see you’ve finally caught up,” Minerva remarked, her voice cascading from the far end of the room.

The celestial mage pouted, why couldn’t she just wait. “I suggest that you get dressed Yukino, we’re supposed to leave soon. I left an outfit on the bed for you, the rest of our stuff is by the door.”

Yukino was baffled, Minerva had done so much more than she thought while she was slumbering. Either she Minerva let her sleep in or she was just plain fast. Most likely the latter, they had to leave early so they could get to Sabertooth before dark. Or there was the possibility of the Sabertooth mage to be an early bird - then it dawned on her.

Minerva was always awake before she was; never once was she able to gaze upon her sleeping face. Minerva went to sleep after her and woke up before her -it was the way things worked. Cringing, she clenched her fists -she shouldn’t be thinking about the past. They weren’t a couple, just friends.

“You could have woken me up earlier, Minerva. I should have gotten our stuff packed while you cooked us breakfast. It would have made it faster for us to get out of here,” Yukino claimed, becoming flustered. It was hard for her to accept that Minerva did all of this so selflessly.

Minerva tutted as she washed the dishes, how come she didn’t leave them for the maids to do? “Don’t worry about it, just go get dressed. I’ll be waiting by the front door.”

Her tone made the words final and the celestial maiden complied with her wishes. Yukino parted from the kitchen, making the trek back to the room she inhabited for the short span of their mission. It was lush and fit for a queen, she hoped dearly that someday she could live like this. Rogue would love it too, she smiled at the thought.

Walking over to the bed, she was astonished by Minerva’s choice of clothing. It was her own clothing but accompanied by the dark haired woman’s cherished jacket! Never before was Yukino able to wear it before, what changed? It was just like Rogue’s cloak, he never let anyone touch it, not even her. Although she did see Sting messing around with it on a couple occasions.

The rest of the outfit was simple, a purple tube top with ripped white jeans. The clothing was a little revealing but the jacket helped keep the modesty; Minerva’s favorite biker jacket. The leather rough and worn from her long years of wearing the thing. It even had a small purple patch on one of the elbows, she really did love the thing.

Quickly looking at herself in a standing mirror, she combed her fingers through her hair -making it look presentable. Now she was good to go.

Once down stairs, she never made a comment about the clothing choice to Minerva. Yukino could feel the situation becoming ever more complicated and it was not what she wanted. It was obvious to her that Minerva still held feelings for her, it was easier to act oblivious to it.

Yukino sat across from Minerva in their affordable carriage, resting her back against the foam seat. Her face was animated and joyous as they spoke throughout the trip. They were going to stay in a neat little tavern, since they wouldn’t be able to get to Sabertooth tonight. A road block had left them sweltering in the cabin for hours, but the coolness of the night was now leaving them in a happier mood. Everything was going according to plan, they would be in Crocus in due time.

The bright lights of the city were shining from where they were, the august jewel of Fiore. A true beauty in every spectacle, from it’s garden to architecture; everything has it purpose.

For most of their journey home it was small talk, never crossing one another’s boundaries until Minerva asked the question she was dying to inquire. “So how’s your relationship with Rogue?”

At the mention of it, Yukino turned her face down. Her white locks were now a mask of her hesitance to the question, the soft neon lights of the city coloring her hair. It hung in the air, “Well? I never said to go into detail.” Minerva nudged her with curt words, pushing the girl over the edge.

“Let’s not get into my personal life right now, okay?” Yukino’s brown eyes bore into her, a wall going right up. She had made the wrong move, stepped over the wrong line. Shit.

The demon in her was ready to go, roaring for the opportunity to push it a little more. She resisted, never again would she be tempted to be that type of person; the truly ugly kind. She couldn't be that person again - venomous to others and apathetic to their problems. The territory mage wanted to be better for the sake of both Yukino and the guild.

But the sinful being got the best of her. “You’re making it sound like it’s a bad relationship. Come on, Yuki,” the girl eased with the nickname.”I’m your best friend.” Dammit, it should have been a simple okay.

The celestial mage bit a small portion of her lower lip, belaying her response. Minerva’s previous statement already failed because Sting was Yukino’s best friend, not her. The temptation further intensified as Minerva encountered Yukino's indecision. “Let it all out, you can trust me.”

Those words were to key to unlocking the small girl. “Things have just been very stressful lately. We’ve been in two separate places for the past couple months, so it’s hard to see one another,” Yukino stated timidly, not so sure of herself. Minerva felt guilty at her statement, she certainly wasn’t expecting that type of answer but she was the one who had set things in motion.

“So before we decided to go on this mission I was excited to spend the night with him, but then he just left.” A sniffle escaping from her mouth, this was far from what she expected. “It feels like all he wants to be with is Sting.” The guild master’s name rolled off her tongue spitefully. All the alarms were going off inside her, the territory mage couldn’t comfort Yukino about this. Not like she did last night, or at least she couldn’t imagine it, but seeing the maiden begin to cry tore her into pieces.

Yukino continued, “All I want is for it to work out in the end…” her voice was doubtful, Yukino’s body trembling much like it did last night. “It doesn’t seem like that’s the end goal. Everything seems to be crumbling into pieces, Min-Min.” Her name was dragged out by another sob of emotional pain.

Hesitantly, Minerva grabbed the younger mage’s frail hand, “Forgive me, Yukino.” The least she could ask from her but she still motioned the idea of their relationship. “I didn’t know it was that much of a… bad topic for you. I shouldn’t have pushed.” The pads of her fingers delicately tilted the girl’s head up, giving her a warm smile. The demon wouldn’t ruin this for her, “I’m sure everything will work out fine.”

Minerva’s comment was a comfort to the girl, Yukino relaxing into her hand. “Don’t be sorry, I know how much you care for me.” Even if the motive was selfish, she would accept any form of care. Minerva was always the one to take advantage of this trait.

Greed had fuelled most of Minerva’s interests but it was never in the name of money. More like wants and desires she could never have, or were nearly impossible to attain. Strength and Yukino were the two main things she desired, but she really needed to drop the celestial mage. She would let the fair haired mage deny the pull they had between themselves. If Yukino wanted to work things out with Rogue, Minerva would respect her decision, but she had to know it was her true intention.

The Sabertooth mage brushed a strand of Yukino’s hair behind her ear, looking at her with fierce resolve. “I didn’t mean to make your predicament any more confusing. It’s time that I put my feelings to the side and help you out in the best way possible.” Honesty was the best policy, right?

Brown eyes were filled with surprise from her response, their carriage coming to a slow stop. There was no inquiry to Minerva’s statement just another prolonged silence as Yukino carefully planned  an answer.

“Minerva…” she said, her tone softer than it was before, “I already gave you my confession and you rejected it. Whatever you’re planning needs to stop.” Yukino saw right through her, the tigress’ heart with her words. “I love you, but only as a friend,” these words were shaky, but who was she to say anything about it.

As a way to reassure her, Minerva spoke honestly, “I didn’t come on this mission to woo you. My only objective was to make up for lost time, I’m sorry that it came off as something different than what I intended it to be. This wasn’t some big scheme,” which was true for the most part. Minerva had planned everything in a quick ten minutes, no scheming whatsoever.  

Grabbing the door handle, she pulled and let herself out. With proper manners, she helped Yukino out. “I trust your words, Minerva.” That was the end to their conversation, and Minerva had managed to pull everything together.

Little did they know of the small camera flashes, Yukino caught in Minerva’s jacket. The both of them caught together so late in the night.

Outside was the lesser known Honey Bone Inn, made famous when Fairy Tail inhabited it during the x791 Grand Magic Games. This was a sore subject for Minerva, since Sorcery Weekly paparazzi and journalists were constantly around the lively place. Gossip flowed in and out of the Honey Bone’s doors, everyone wanted to get their scoop.

Out of place would be fair description her and Yukino’s presence there. Over the past couple years, mages went out of their way to stay at the tavern. Now it was the duo’s turn to get a glimpse of the small bar’s culture.

After they settled into their room, Minerva begged Yukino to go down to the bar with her. She needed a drink, and the celestial mage would watch over her.

Now here they were.

People had been eyeing the two since they came in, some more sneaking pictures taken while they enjoyed the bar’s life. The crowd was split between the pool tables and bar area where the two of them resided.

Yukino had made a small comment at the territory mage’s drinking habits and she smacked her hand against the bar counter. “You’re so funny, Yuki,” Minerva cooed, taking a sip from her cup of ale. Sure she could have bought something more expensive, but this was always perfect for her tastes and she ordered one too many.

Minerva never stopped with the pointless comments directed at Yukino, each one making her laughter more and more boisterous. She wasn’t even done and the celestial mage was a blushing mess, trying to snag the drink from the tigress.

“I think it’s time that we head to bed, you’re causing a scene.” At her comment, Minerva lazily looked over her shoulder. Not many were staring, but it was enough to make herself wary. The celestial maiden was being overly cautious with her original statement, they were far from causing a scene. “I knew this wasn’t a good idea,” Yukino sighed.

Clearing her throat she grabbed the girl’s pale hand, taking it into her own. “Don’t worry about them, it’s just us.” Some of the words were slurred, but her point surprised Yukino.

Hesitantly Yukino’s slim fingers wrapped around her own. Another shot taken. “If you want to stay down here, no more drinking. There’s plenty of other things to do that will bring enjoyment.” Like you, her inner demon thought, and Minerva cringed. The white haired mage caught this, frowning,”I will leave if you can’t agree.”

This alarmed her and quickly she replied, “This will be my last drink, I swear. You can have some if you want. Loosen up a little.” Taking a long gulp, the warm liquid trickled down her throat and burned her insides. She slid the cold glass mug over to Yukino.

She looked at the glass and took her hand away from Minerva’s, wrapping it around the handle. Smiling, Yukino took a fast swig, her face scrunching up. “I don’t understand how you can all drink, this stuff is gross.” She stuck her tongue out and put the pint down, her face twisting with disgust.

“I only offered, you’re the one who took it.” Minerva laughed some more, the whole situation amusing her. She stood, taking Yukino’s hand back in her own. “Let’s go play a game of billiards.” Standing, she felt light-headed and took a step toward the tables.

In one second, she went from standing to on the floor a smaller body falling onto her. Minerva hissed, “What the…” A brown eyes of a brightly pink stained face met her own. Click. Click. Click. She had pulled Yukino down with her.

“Minerva…” the celestial mage warned, “I think it’s time for us to go back to our room.” Now she agreed with Yukino. Without making more contact than needed, Yukino pulled herself off of Minerva and stared down at her figure. “Come on,” she looked like an angel under the lights. “I’ll help you.” Cheerful as always.

Taking Yukino’s hand in her own, the world spun and she leaned into her. She was the tether to reality, the two slowly but surely heading up the stairs to their room.

The night wasn’t young but they sure were. And the universe held no bounds for their soon-to-be future.

[delkios]

(We’re Not the Same) That’s What Makes it Perfect (DCU)

ColdWave Week? More like ColdWave-featuring-titles-from-whatever-song-AJ-is-listening-to-because-they-can’t-think-up-titles-on-their-own Week. Title from Seal’s Every Time I’m With You. Playing very loosely with pre-52 comics timeline and lots of references to said comics. Title: (We're Not the Same) That's What Makes it Perfect Fandom: DCU Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 9905 In Responds to: ColdWave Week 2018: Opposites Attract Characters: Len, Mick, various appearances by Lisa, Jim Harper, Kon, Wally, Mark and James Summary: It can be a complicated business, heroes dating their rogues. In part due to a somewhat limited skill set and mostly by having spent a number of years using that same skill set to be a crook before switching sides, Cold was regulated to the lower tier heros. Which was fine by him. He didn’t care much for tangling with near-gods and cross-dimensional beings and the like. Didn’t mean he hadn’t dealt with them on occasion but he much preferred street-level crooks and organized crime to all of that. He and his sister had gotten quite good at it over the years. Even had some team-ups with other ground level heroes like Question and Argus, though the less said about that job with Detective Chimp, the better. Which was why he was surprised to get a call from Cadmus.

Despite having developed and built his cold gun- and the knowledge to utilize it to its full extent -Cold didn’t know much about science. Nor did he have any kind of connection to Supers, even a tangential one like Superboy. But he supposed he should at least see what they wanted and answered it. His initial thought upon seeing the gold helmet was Dr. Fate before the name Guardian came to him. As far as Cold knew, Guardian really didn’t leave Cadmus and there surely were other ice wielders closer to Hawaii than him. “You need something?” Cold asked, not bothering to hide reticence. “/You seem to have misplaced one of your Rogues,/” Harper said wryly. Cold blinked behind his visor. His rogues gallery wasn’t what one would call extensive and, in all honesty, most of what he had tended to be shared with Wally across the river in Central. “/Heatwave’s been showing up sporadically for almost two weeks now. None of us have been able to figure what he’s after, so I figured I should call you, see if you might have an idea./” Cold just barely held himself back from saying Heatwave’s name. His actual name. The name Cold hadn’t found out through arrest records but because Heatwave had told him with a grin that melted something in Cold’s bones just before slipping away. Fixing a scowl firmly in place, Cold said, “It’s not like I’ve got access to his day planner.” “/Considering no one in Cadmus has dealt with him before, I was hoping you’d give some insight as to his goals and general operation./” “He’s not a serial killer or anything. Probably just looking to steal something. Probably got hired by someone to do it.” Harper tried to hide his frustrated frown behind stoic professionalism. “/He’s been making himself rather visible and he’s known for working with others. Have you seen any of the other Rogues recently?/” “Yeah, they’re all accounted for.” Mostly. At least he knew the ones that had been in jail were still there. Who knew about that others. “Look, you’ll just have to figure out what he wants for yourself. That’s part of the heroing gig, ain’t it?” Harper started protesting but Cold just cut him off with, “Cold out,” before closing the line. He slouched in his seat for some time after, glaring at the blank screen. He’d been wondering why he hadn’t seen Mick around. He hadn’t called, hadn’t picked up Cold’s calls, hadn’t even left a note. And all the way in Hawaii? Something had to be up since, with McCulloch still locked up, Mick would’ve had to find other means of travel other than commercial. But what got Cold the most was that he hadn’t known about it. It wasn’t like he and Mick were connected at the hip- usually -but Mick always let him know when he was going out of state for extended periods of time. Not because Cold worried he just… liked knowing those kinds of things. “Whatever,” he eventually said to no one. “He’ll be back sooner or later.” ~*~*~*~ Cold may not be a speedster or be able to fly but his ice bridges still got him around pretty quickly and often times through means most criminals weren’t expecting. This particular crook, he saw as he came in through one of the upper windows of the bank, was bent over a number of lock boxes that had been melted open, tossing the contents into a bag. Cold groaned quietly to himself over the fact that an ass that fine was being wasted on crime. “Hands up,” he said, as if he weren’t admiring the flattering fit of a… he wasn’t entirely sure, actually. It was some sort of costume. “Play it cool until the cops get here and I won’t have to put you on ice.” The man- judging from the strong back and broad shoulders though considering he’d also met Barda Free, those really weren’t sure fire indicators -turned just enough to give Cold a sidelong look. “Captain Cold.” The voice was slightly muffled from some kind of respirator but was definitely a man’s. “Good guess,” he said sarcastically, “considering you’re robbing banks in my town.” The man sighed, turning around. Cold noted something like cables or hoses that attached from whatever was on the man’s back to some wrist mounted device and a gun holstered at his chest. “This is a disappointment.” “Yeah, getting busted usually is.” “I mean you,” he said, tone conversational but bored. “Giving up your freedom to be a lapdog for a bunch of capes.” He heard sirens and tires screeching. Good, they were right on time. “Buddy, if you knew anything about me you’d know the amount I care about your opinion is in the negatives.” The man huffed, eyes crinkling behind his goggles. “I do know one thing: you ain’t hot shit.” The man’s arm dropped, shooting something from his wrist but Cold was prepared, firing off a wide cold beam. Instead of freezing, losing momentum and dropping to the ground like he was expecting, though, a foam-like substance- regular fire suppression foam, he’d find out later -splattered against him, blinding him long enough for the man to run by. Instead of taking the time to wipe the foam off, Cold just pulled off his visor, just in time to see the man use his gun to send a jet of fire toward the ceiling, setting off the sprinklers, then turning that flamethrower toward the oncoming police in a wide, sweeping motion. More to get them out of his way than to hurt them. Firing a cold beam into the water ran the risk of injuring the officers with countless dagger-sharp icicles and Cold struggled with his childhood distaste for the police before he pointed his gun away and gave chase, cursing all the way. There was an explosion when he reached the doors that knocked him off his feet. One of the police cruiser engines was on fire, its bonnet rocking on the ground some twenty feet away. By the time Cold got back on his feet and bridged himself high enough to look over the gathering crowd, the man was gone. ~*~*~*~ Lisa was standing in the doorway, tapping her foot in irritation. “What?” Cold asked, bristling slightly. Not because she was annoyed at him but because he already knew what she was annoyed by and very much did not want to get into that conversation with her. “You’re being dumb,” she said simply. “About what?” “About the fact that Mick is in Hawaii.” “Is he? Didn’t know.” Cold wasn’t particularly good at lying, especially to Lisa, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. “Right. You just asked Linda if she heard of any supervillain activity going on in Hawaii where he just so happens to be right now.” She tilted her head to the side, hair slipping over her shoulder. “You haven’t been looking at your phone.” “I often don’t look at my phone. I’m not like Walker.” “It’s the way you haven’t been looking at it.” Cold shot her a look and Lisa rolled her eyes. “You’ve been looking like you want to pick it up but then force yourself not to. You’re very deliberately not looking at your phone.” She pressed her lips together, expression turning vaguely sympathetic. “Did you two get into another fight?” “No,” Cold said bitterly. Then, before he could stop himself, “That’s the entire damn problem! He’s giving me the cold shoulder and I don’t know why!” He jabbed a finger in Lisa’s direction. “Shut up, not every cold-related turn of phrase is a goddamn pun.” Deciding to be lenient, Lisa didn’t press her brother to put a coin in the pun jar- only applicable outside of superhero fights, she wasn’t a monster after all. “Have you thought of going to see him?” “Why?” He crossed his arms, slouching down and pretending to be enthralled in whatever was on the television. “He’ll be back whenever he’s done doing whatever he’s doing.” “Are you sure? Because he’s been there for three weeks now and no one’s heard of any activity on any of the islands.” She came over quietly, rubbing her hand over Cold’s shoulder. “Lenny, if he’s really mad enough to drop all contact with you for close to a month, he might not come back on his own.” Cold just sank down further until he was out from under Lisa’s touch. “Not my problem if he doesn’t want to talk about it.” She snorted at that. “Right. Because you’re so good about talking about feelings.” ~*~*~*~ Ever since Heatwave came onto the scene the fans and groupies very quickly pegged him as Cold’s rival, perfect opposites in all things, their fights talked about like some championship bout. Honestly Cold found it all rather annoying. On the other hand he had to agree that whenever he and Heatwave went head to head, it was pretty even odds for who would come out the victor. In just about every aspect they were either fairly equal or perfect opposites so that every strength was negated. The only real edge Cold had over Heatwave was the fact that he had Lisa on his side. Which, seeing as she was dodging boomerangs while Cold was fighting fire, looked like that may no longer be the case. Cold and Heatwave crashed across the office lobby, both using their weapons sparingly to keep the building from coming down on top of them- or their partners, wherever they may be. Didn’t stop the lobby from being filled with steam, ice patches and scorch marks peppering the place. Most people, due to the cold gun being a ranged or area of effect weapon depending on how Cold used it, didn’t think he was a capable hand to hand fighter. Sure, he wouldn’t be much of a warm up for any of the Birds of Prey but against someone that didn’t have ‘master martial artist’ in their wheelhouse, he was no pushover. Unfortunately the same could be said about Heatwave. Heatwave was the bigger of the two in terms of breadth and weight and he hit with the force of a sledgehammer. Cold, on the other hand, had maneuverability and endurance on his side. As they grappled together, Cold had no idea who would come out on top until the fight was over. They slammed into a wall, each with a grip on the other’s wrist that held their weapon of choice. With his options limited, Heatwave pressed against Cold’s chest, seemingly intent on crushing him between the wall and his own body. Despite the strain, Heatwave’s lips pulled back into a grin. “So much for stopping me cold.” Cold didn’t even try to keep from grinning back. “Not like you’re too hot for me to handle.” If he were honest, he liked fighting Heatwave most out of his Rogues if not just for the fact that the man would actually banter with him. Weather Wizard’s preference for storms made talking difficult, Kadabra was too pompous for Cold’s patience never minding the fact he was too dangerous to humor, the combination of Boomerang’s accent and colloquialisms made him difficult to understand and the new Mirror Master was even worse. The only other ones he could trade quips with were Trickster, who straddled the line between entertaining and annoying, and Piper, who was trying to go straight-ish. And, no matter how hard Lisa tried to convince him that puns were neither funny nor cool- he was convinced she was just jealous because her gimmick didn’t give her as many opportunities -Cold loved them. He grew up reading his grandfather’s pulp magazines, puns and wordplay were what people did back then. So he felt pretty justified in tossing them right back whenever Heatwave threw one out. “I dunno. The last two time we clashed, I managed to get away. Seems to me like I’m on a hot streak.” “We’ll see how you feel when you’re cooling your heels in Iron Heights again.” Heatwave’s grin grew into an outright smile and Cold had to slide his gaze away. Heatwave was unfairly hot and that wasn’t just for the pun. He was attractive and fun to banter with and was thoughtful and considerate on the rare occasions they actually had a conversation. It wasn’t at all helped that Cold had very few friends in or out of the hero business and even less opportunities to get as close to someone as he currently was with Heatwave. If he didn’t get out of this quick, Cold was going to be in a trouble other than mortal peril. Gathering his strength, Cold heaved, trying to find some kind of leverage and- -his foot slid back, letting his legs fall open a little wider and- -Heatwave reflexively moved into that space, pressing Cold harder into the wall and- Suddenly they were hip to hip, pressed tightly against each other and Cold’s breath caught in his throat and Heatwave growled low enough it reverberated through Cold’s body and suddenly all that tension just spilled over. Suddenly they were pressed flush together, panting against each other’s mouths, and one of Cold’s hands was wrapped around Heatwave’s back pulling him in tighter. He didn’t know how long they were like that, rutting mindlessly against each other but he didn’t want it to stop. This was- fuck, he’d been dreaming about this, as much as he wanted to deny it. It was perfect. It was beautiful. Cold let out a shaky, guttural moan and Heatwave answered in kind. Then, just as suddenly as it began, Heatwave pulled away, eyes wide and mortified. Before Cold could do anything, Heatwave pulled back a fist and clocked him across the face. He’d been hit harder in his life- he’d been hit harder by Heatwave -but the suddenness of it caught him off guard and Cold hit the ground hard. “Fuck, oh god.” Heatwave stumbled back a step or two, hesitating between running and staying. “Shit, that wasn’t- it isn’t because- I didn’t- I really like-” he scrubbed a hand over his head. “Fuck!” “Hey!” Cold recognized Lisa’s voice in a daze. “Crap. Uh, sorry. Just… sorry.” Heatwave sighed and just before he put up a wall of fire Cold heard him mutter, “Dammit, why did it have to happen like this?” The curtain went up thick and hot, far enough that Cold wasn’t in any danger from it but he could still feel the heat of it. The cold discs Cold had put in Lisa’s gloves, while powerful enough to make ice bridges so she wasn’t dependent on her brother to get around, wasn’t near strong enough to take on Heatwave’s flame so she slid to a halt next to Cold. Distantly he wondered how mad Rory would be when he remembered he left the loot behind. “Lenny, are you okay? What the hell happened?” Cold got himself on an elbow, rubbing a hand over his tender jaw. “I think he likes me,” he slurred. ~*~*~*~ Cold didn’t normally work outside of Keystone, not even Central unless he was asked to help first. He figured it was only fair given he didn’t like when other heroes popped over into his city unannounced, either. So when he saw the thick plumes of smoke rising up from across the river, he turned on the police scanner just to see if it was something he should consider intervening on. The voices over the radio confirmed it was a meta fight and that Flash was engaged and Cold decided to join in because… because… well, he didn’t have an excuse yet but he would before Lisa asked him. He'd rather not have the Captain "No Chill" Cold nickname reemerging again. As useful for getting around as his ice bridges were, it was too far a distance to get there in a reasonable amount of time. So instead, Cold went to a storage closet and opened up a false panel in the floor. There was a locked box in there, keyed to his and Lisa’s genetic signature. From the box he pulled out a dusty mirror gun, one he snagged from lock-up during Scudder’s time, back when everyone- including himself -still considered Cold more thief than hero. Despite having it in his possession Cold only used it in dire emergency, not wanting to accidentally run into someone in the mirror world. If the Rogues knew he had it, they’d either try to steal it back or find a way to lock him out. It took Cold some time to find a reflective surface in the correct area and when he stepped through, he created an ice bridge so he could get an aerial view without getting in range of the battle. The first thing he thought once he got up there was that things were a mess. There were fires, ice patches, low lying storm clouds and a couple whirlwinds trying to trap a streak of lightning. It wasn’t difficult to spot Mardon in it all given it was the one calm spot in a chaotic area and that the weather wand glowed. Cold looked around, trying to spot Mick before he realized… Mardon was the only Rogue there. He’d thought- he’d hoped- but it was just Mardon. Jaw clenching so tightly his teeth creaked, Cold shot out another ice bridge, angle steep so when he slid down it, barreling into Mardon from behind, it was like being hit by a freight train. From the force with which he hit the ground, Mardon was knocked out and Cold roughly cuffed him. The only reason he did that rather than beat the unconscious man to work out his anger and frustration was the fact that he probably wouldn’t be able to stop once he started. Lightning continued to zip around, taking care of the whirlwinds and larger fires and spiriting the wand away before Wally came to a stop before Cold. “Well, thanks, I guess.” He said, hands on his hip and head tilted slightly, utterly bewildered. “Uh, why exactly did you decide to help?” “Got bored,” he snapped. “You got bored so you decided to cannonball Mardon from fifteen stories up? That’s more Glider’s style of reckless than yours.” “Working on a new aggression therapy technique.” “Yeah, I know for a fact J’onn already talked to you about taking your aggression out on criminals.” At Cold’s feet, Mardon groaned painfully and Wally’s cowl twitched in that way it did when his eyebrows jumped. “Expected him to be out longer, I’m impressed. But seriously, Cold- I know how you feel about people butting into other people’s fights.” “So I’m a hypocrite, what a surprise.” “Uh-huh.” Unconvinced, Wally’s eyes wandered around the city, as if that might offer up some insight. There were a couple groups of firefighters taking care of straggling flames that weren't dangerous enough for Wally's immediate attention. His head swiveled back to Cold. “Wait, has Heatwave not come back yet?” Cold bristled, a scathing retort ready but was derailed when Mardon, still a little groggy, blurted out with wide eyes, “Still?” Cold didn’t even make it half a step closer before Wally was there, hand lightly blocking his way. “The hell do you know about this?” Mardon scoffed. “He’s a difficult guy to piss off. If you’ve managed to do that, you really must’ve crossed the line. Even taking into account how many times you two have broken up and got back together over the years.” At the look Cold gave him, Mardon just said with a kind of importance that was at odds with his current situation, “Yeah, we noticed. We just don’t make a big deal out of it because Mick’s one of ours. We know he has our backs.” When Cold went into a full-on growl, Wally said, “Okay, you know what?” In an instant he was gone and back, sweeping Mardon away in a whirl of lightning. “Don’t feel like dealing with that right now.” “You jacked another pen from CCPD.” “What?” Wally looked down to see a pen, still smoking slightly from speed-completing Mardon’s processing forms, in his hand. “Dammit.” Again he was gone and back, this time sans pen. “Every time.” Brushing that off, Wally stood next to Cold and said lowly, “Look, Snart-” A sharply jabbed finger to the chest cut him off. “Hell no. I am not getting relationship advice from the mouthy brat I’ve watched crash and burn 90% of the relationships he’s been in since he was a teenager.” Wally didn’t look nearly as bothered by that as Cold had hoped which meant that wasn’t enough to derail the conversation. “Then take it as advice from someone that doesn’t want to see their friend crash and burn the same ways they have.” Cold ignored the way his gut twisted, not entirely unpleasantly, at the fact Wally apparently considered him a friend. “I may not know Heatwave as well as you, but he’s always been the steadfast type. If he left, he did it for a reason that’s important to him and you’re not going to find out unless you talk to him. And even if he ends it, as cruel as it may sound, it’s better that you know. It’s better than you waiting, hoping he comes back.” Cold laughed bitterly, stomping over to a reflective surface and pulling out the mirror gun again. “You say that like I’m expecting him to come back.” ~*~*~*~ In hindsight, Cold supposed he should’ve left this new Dark Flash to the other speedsters to deal with. Not that he’d actually gone out looking for the guy, but he’d been running patrols through both Central and Keystone and after how badly he beat down on Boomerang, Cold wasn’t about to let the guy stomp around his city like he owned the place. So instead Cold was the one getting stomped on. Thankfully Lisa was out on some cruise with Fire, Jade and Argent. When she got back to find he’d picked a fight with a speedster on his own, whatever pieces Dark Flash left behind, she was going to crush underfoot. Sure, it had been years since he’d fought against one- not since Barry -but he shouldn’t have been this out of practice. The guy was everywhere at once and barely seemed bothered by even an absolute zero field by stealing the speed from nearby objects. Didn’t help that the guy seemed to have a real hate-on for him, either, barely gave Cold time to catch his breath between passes. A streak of dark red and silver lightning barreled straight at him and Cold braced himself, too disoriented from the last blow to move- The world erupted into light and heat and hands were grabbing him, forcibly dragging Cold away. When he was able to see again, Cold thought he saw a figure, transparent save for a gleam where the light hit and tendrils of orange energy coiling around its insides. “Cold? Jesus- are you alright?” “Mick?” Cold gasped. Wait- his eyes hadn’t cleared up entirely, he couldn’t see who else was around. “Heatwave? What’re you doing here?” “Saving your hide apparently.” Rory said, his hands strong and firm on Cold’s arms. They were in a pitch black space save for random rectangles that spilled out light. The mirror world. Cold had been stuffed in them enough times to know it in an instant. “What the hell did you do to piss that guy off?” “I dunno. Stole his lunch money in high school or I guess.” Cold eventually got his feet under him again, walking on his own though he didn’t move away from Rory. He wiped some blood from his face and gently probed his tongue around his mouth to figure out where that blood was coming from. Didn’t feel like any teeth were missing, must have cut the inside of his cheek. “Guy refused to believe I’m a hero for some reason.” Rory snorted. “Been there.” They walked in silence for a bit until they found a mirror a good distance away from where Cold had been tangling with the Dark Flash. They stepped out of the mirror world and Cold finally asked, “Who the hell was that?” “Replicant.” “Who?” “He’s, uh, new.” Rory looked a little sheepish. “It’s not like I can tell you who he actually is other than a Rogue. And Rogues look after our own.” So he was out for blood on Boomerang’s behalf. Cold could respect that. If the Rogues had been around before Cold switched sides, he might have chosen differently. “So why’d you guys save me?” “I don’t like people touching you.” Cold gave him a look and privately enjoyed the way Rory turned red. “Your our hero, alright? Some… random jackass can’t just come along and hurt you.” “Careful, Rory,” Cold said with amusement. “I might think you care.” Rory hesitated. His mouth suddenly crooked into rakish but nervous grin. “Ah hell. I’m a thief and I’m a selfish bastard, so.” He gripped Cold by the hood, pulling him into a rough kiss, their respective eye protection clattering against each other. It was quick and sloppy and Cold was momentarily stunned when Rory let him pull back. The grin was just a faded, barely there thing on Rory’s face. Hell, it looked more like he was about to be ill and Cold realized he was probably waiting for him to say something. Cold put on a scowl- not an actual one but the pretend scowl, the one he used when trying to take in Rory, no heat behind it, just a mask and it made Rory’s grin return just a bit. “Just ‘cause you saved me doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you go after stealing a kiss.” The grin turned into a full blown smile. Rory backed away and Cold let him. “Look forward to seeing what kind of payback’ll be in store.” Rory winked, turned and walked off. Not the most impressive exit but Cold enjoyed the view until Rory tucked around a corner. Then he grabbed the sides of his hood, pulling it forward as he turned and braced his head against the wall until his giddy school-girl-smile was under control. ~*~*~*~ “/Please tell me you’re not calling about Heatwave./” Being told that in lieu of a greeting, or even a joke, had Cold snarling into the receiver. In part because he was annoyed that he was apparently that predictable. “What are you talking about?” “/You’re not fooling anyone, Cold,/” Jesse said. There was a faint whirring sound over the line like he was playing with an RC helicopter. Can’t take the Trickster out of the g-man, Cold supposed. “/I’ve heard it from Hartley. And Lisa. And Linda. And even Wally./” “Fine, whatever. What do you know?” “/In case the name dropping didn’t make it obvious, I’ve already been grilled for information. Really, you think they’d call me just to gossip?/” There was a brief pause. “/Okay, so all of them but Wally do, but still. Everything I know, they’ve already passed on to you. And don’t bother with Oracle, I know for a fact both Lisa and Wally already asked her and I also know for a fact she’s far less patient with repeatedly giving the same information./” Disappointed as to the lack of news, and not knowing what his next step now was, Cold lapsed into a petulant silence. Eventually Jesse sighed, the whirring turning off. “/Snart, have you thought how much easier things would be for everyone if you just admitted how you feel about Rory? Everyone that knows you two already figured it out./” “I don't-” “/Know what I’m talking about? C’mon, Snart. Pull the other one, it’s got an egg-grenade-laying rubber chicken on it./” “You don’t know anything about it,” Cold groused. There was barely any heat in it. Between Lisa and Piper and Linda, he’d gotten tired of trying to justify his concern. “/I know that I’ve been on the receiving end of your cold gun enough to know when you’re holding back. And I’ve worked with Mick for years. Plenty of time to notice the way you two look at each other. Also, keep in mind that Wally can run every single street in the state in under five seconds, he has absolutely accidentally run across you two getting it on in some dark alley. Multiple times. And you know he can’t keep a secret unless he knows at least one other person knows. And given that Hart’s such a good friend of mine-/” Not wanting to hear how far that particular game of telephone went, Cold hung up the phone. ~*~*~*~ Mick was out of it by the time Cold saw him. Between Girder working him over, baby Trickster dosing him up with whatever random shit Jesse left in his gear and whatever illusions McCulloch threw at him, it wasn’t surprising that he was barely coherent. Cold cursed himself. He’d had heard the rumblings of something happening in the underground channels, something big that was rippling under the entire city. But, like an idiot who thought he was on top of things, Cold hadn’t paid it any mind. And as a result he hadn’t realized when Blacksmith did not take kindly to Mick rejecting her offer to join her version of the Rogues. While Cold had been helping Cyborg and Wally free Central from the Thinker, Piper had snuck into Blacksmith’s operations, found a half-dead Mick locked away and dragged him to Cold’s apartment. “Because,” he’d explained to Cold and Lisa, “if the Rogues really want to hurt Wally, they’ll target the helpless.” Meaning hospitals and those inside them. Piper had already gone to back Wally up as he faced off with Blacksmith’s Rogues by Van Buren Bridge. Cold and Lisa would be joining them once Lisa finished making sure their gear was in order. Cold… Cold didn’t want to leave Mick’s side. “I’m sorry,” he said, hand gentle over the bruises darkening Mick’s face. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve listened, checked things out.” Something was bubbling up in Cold’s throat, something important, something he’d never be able to take back once he said it. “Just rest up,” he said tightly. “I gotta go beat in the heads of some idiots thinking they could take over my city. But I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t be alone for long.” Mick’s eyelids fluttered, lips parting to take in a deep breath before saying softly, “Goldface…” Cold leaned in close. “What?” “Goldface,” each word sounded like it took effort to say. “He’s… unions…” Mick took in a deep breath. As deep as he could with his ribs in the state they were in anyway. “Was digging dirt on Blacksmith for him. Found out her time table ‘fore I got the ultimatum.” “Heh. I get it.” Keystone had always been a working class town and while the busters would come and go, the unions never really went away. Because Keystone always protected its own and it seemed like Goldface was making sure the unions would be ready to protect its city. Even against meta-powered criminals. Good thing they had meta-powered heroes on their side. There was a reason he loved this city. “You know,” Mick said, voice almost dreamy, “I put this costume on for you.” The non-sequitur made Cold pause. “What?” “This… thing.” Mick waved a hand at himself. “All of it. Was because of you.” He didn’t know what to make of it. Was it like that thing people said, that superheroes created villains just by existing? “Why?” “Wanted to work with you. Back when you were still a criminal.” He reached out and laced his fingers with Cold’s and Cold couldn’t bring himself to pull away. “I read about what you did, what your gun could do and I thought… I could do something like that. Something similar but different. Something,” he licked his lips, the medication obviously kicking in hard, “useful. ‘N then you’d keep me around…” Mick’s eyes fell closed, words trailing off to sleep. Cold stared down at him for a long moment before lifting their joined hands, kissing Mick’s knuckles softly. “Yeah. I’ll keep you around. You don’t have to worry about that.” ~*~*~*~ Cold came back from the ice rink- he hated running with a passion but give him some ice and blades and he could go for miles -only to be forcefully manhandled into the house. “Hey- what the hell?” “Ugh! I am sick and tired of you moping!” Lisa cried, pushing her brother from one room to another. “Just go get him already! And don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’ve been driving everyone nuts! Go to Hawaii, find Mick, apologize for whatever you did and bring him back!” Cold dug his heels in but Lisa was both strong and determined. “What makes you think I did something wrong?” “Because between the two of you, you’re the one most likely to put your foot in your mouth!” While that was probably true, that didn’t mean Cold couldn’t take insult from it. “Lise-” “Seven weeks, Lenny,” she said, expression and tone brokering no interruption. “Don’t you dare try to tell me you don’t love him. Lie all you want to Piper or Linda or whoever, but don’t you dare with me. Not about this. Not now.” Cold’s mouth moved soundlessly, trying to form up some kind of defense without making Lisa explode at him. She stopped and turned him around, her eyes soft and sympathetic in a way she rarely allowed herself to be. “Lenny, everything Dad ever told us was bullshit. He’s a hateful, hurtful little man who could only be happy pushing around those smaller than him.” She ran her hand over Cold’s face, cupping his tense jaw. “But you took all his crap and still managed to make something of your life. And I know it’s not easy- even now it’s still not easy to forget everything he’s said to us, but that voice in your head right now, the one that’s telling you not to go after Mick, that you’d be better off just forgetting how you feel about him, that’s not you. That’s Dad. And like hell am I gonna let you listen to him.” Cold laughed, chest feeling a little tight. “You, uh,” he cleared his throat, “you think Mick’ll come back?” She smiled brightly, looking every bit as golden as her name said. “He will for you.” ~*~*~*~ Cold got back to his apartment exhausted, sore and with a migraine the size and shape of Grodd’s ugly mug. He stopped short in the doorway; Mick was lounging on the sofa in one of Cold’s t-shirts and sweats, flipping through a newspaper. Normally what would be enough for Cold to forget about his bad mood to focus on something a little more interesting except that, on the stand right below the wall-mounted tv, was a fucking jewel encrusted tiara, sitting on a museum-grade cushion. “Hey, Lenny,” Mick called out, barely looking up. “How was Gorilla City?” “What. The fuck.” “That bad?” “No. What,” Cold repeated, jabbing a finger in the tiara’s direction, “the fuck. Why did you bring that into my house?” Mick looked over at the tiara, then back at Cold like it should be self-explanatory. “Hit a couple snags on my heist and I needed to lay low for a bit.” “So you brought this shit to me?” Mick sat up, a scowl beginning to work its way onto his face. “Never bothered you before.” “The hell it didn’t! You know I hate when you take advantage of the fact you know when I’m not around!” It wasn’t a new argument, just like Mick hiding out in Cold’s place whenever the heat was on wasn’t new. Still aggravated the hell out of Cold because he was trying to keep some sort of distance between their personal and professional lives, given how they were on different sides professionally speaking. This time, though, Cold was just tired. He didn’t want to deal with bullshit but here was Mick, dumping it in the middle of his goddamn living room. “You told me I could come by whenever I needed to, even if you weren’t here.” “That doesn’t mean use my place to stash your stolen goods!” Mick bristled and stood. “Do you really think it makes things any better if you don’t have to see it? Like it makes what I do any more legal if you don’t know about it?” “Don’t start that shit up again,” Cold said, pulling off his gloves and throwing them in the direction of a table. He retreated toward his bathroom but Mick was right there, face dark. “So now the discussion you started is my fault, too? Well, surprise, Snart! I’m a thief! I do illegal shit all the time! None of that changed just because you get to stick your dick in my ass sometimes!” “What about you? Did you magically forget I’m a cape? I got the good grace to look the other way on occasion but that don’t mean you can walk all over me! The least you can do is not drag me into your shit!” Mick got real red in the face and Cold knew he’d just jabbed deep into one of Mick’s issues but, at that moment, he really didn’t care. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ll leave you alone since I’m just dragging you down.” If he were a smarter man, Cold would have apologized. Were he as cold as his moniker suggested, he would have just let Mick go. Instead, when Mick picked up the tiara, Cold said, “Drop it, Rory.” Mick froze and when he turned his shoulders broadened, doing a very good job of appearing bigger than he was. “You really gonna do this, Snart?” Cold’s hand didn’t go to his gun still holstered at his thigh but the way he stood made it obvious that that was a conscious decision. “You’re not going anywhere with that thing.” Mick snarled and for a brief, heart clenching moment, Cold was certain Mick was going to test him on that. Instead, Mick half turned and threw the tiara out the open window. Cold watched it sail out, stunned, and Mick stalked to the door, roughly shouldering him aside. “Go get it, hero.” ~*~*~*~ When he materialized in Cadmus, Cold was glad to find the people there to meet him were human. At least to appearances. He didn’t know much about the place asides from its love of genetic experimentation but Cold had met a couple of what they called DNAliens and, call him a speciest, they kind of freaked him out. Harper was there to give him a curt nod and, “Captain Cold.” Cold bit back a sneer. “Guardian.” He’d told Harper to keep him updated on Mick’s activities under the guise of trying to figure out his plan. Ultimately all that happened was it proved what a damn masochist Cold was, hearing about how Mick was apparently making a life for himself half a hemisphere away. Mick only showed up in costume when Superboy was out with his team, Harper was certain Mick had managed to befriend the Kid under a civilian guise. Considering he hadn’t been created with an identity to keep secret, this didn’t surprise Cold. Superboy wasn’t stupid but he had all the awareness of any other teenager: if it didn’t personally affect him and wasn’t pointed out to him, he wasn’t aware of it. But the thing that got Cold the most was how Mick had been acting around Harper. Bantering. Puns. Letting Harper get in close when his heat gun worked best at a midrange. On the occasions Mick had been forced to abandon his objective, he still went off with a grin and a promise of seeing Harper again soon. He was flirting. He was being a goddamn tease and the knowledge it was being wasted on Harper who hadn’t even noticed drove Cold mad. Not Harper's fault, Cold told himself. As if he normally listened to his own logic. Not his fault. Though Cold couldn’t help noticing the way Harper was gradually becoming more fidgety. Like there was something he was trying to edge toward as he caught Cold up on recent happenings. Never one to beat around the bush, Cold snapped out, “What?” That seemed to startle Harper and, it was a little difficult to see due to the helmet, but Cold thought he was turning slightly red. “Ah, sorry. I was going to ask, it’s probably just misinterpretation on my part-” “Just say it.” “Does, uh, is Heatwave normally very… flirty? With you?” Cold sucked in a breath and willed his fist to stay at his side. It wasn’t Harper’s fault, he told himself. He didn’t know and it sounded like it was on Mick’s part only. For now. He caught a growl in his throat and, when he thought he could talk without biting Harper’s head off, he said, “No point in wasting time. Where is he?” ~*~*~*~ He’d barely materialized on the teleporter pad when someone shouted, “Len!” and suddenly arms were crushing the breath out of him. “You’re alright.” It took a moment for Cold’s exhausted brain to place the wavering voice as Mick’s. “Thank God, I thought… I didn’t know what to think.” He sniffed loudly and muffled quietly into Cold’s shoulder, “Fuck.” It took some doing to untangle his arms from Mick’s hold but Cold manage to cup Mick’s face, pulling him back just enough to look at him, relief sinking in bone deep. “Are you okay?” Mick laughed, tears in his eyes and gripping Cold like he might disappear. “You hero types are the ones that drop like flies during these kinds of things.” He went quiet again, pushing back Cold’s hood so he could rub soothingly at the base of his neck and Cold was so tired, emotionally and physically, that he was tempted to fall asleep just from that. “There was a list. I didn’t find your name on it but… I couldn’t be sure. Everything had gone crazy. It was like… like when Scudder died.” Cold’s grip on Mick tightened. “I heard you were in that tangle in Metropolis.” Cold closed his eyes, throat knotting. The thought that he could have lost Mick- and Lisa -without even knowing about it… it made something in Cold’s chest tighten painfully. “The two of us and Hart were helping evacuate civvies. We kept away from the worst of the fighting.” Cold jerked back to find Lisa, just as dirty and worn as Mick, lounging nearby, her skates carelessly tossed aside for once. “We’re fine, too, by the way.” There was more relief than tease in her grin. “Oh, uh.” Cold’s eyes darted between his sister and Mick, whose face was again tucked against Cold’s neck. “Just kiss the man,” Lisa said. She leaned over to grab her skates. “Not like I haven’t walked in on you two doing worse.” Still, just for his own pride, Cold waited until she sauntered- more of a limp, really -out before he did just as she said. Mick sighed against his lips. “C’mon,” Cold told him. “Let’s go to bed. We can clean up in the morning.” ~*~*~ Hawaii, he decided, was overrated. It was hot and humid and apparently rained at random times. He supposed it was pretty if you liked that sort of thing, but overall it looked like everywhere else. Trees and flowers and people and buildings, just like any other city, just with different detailing. Taking Harper’s advice, Cold headed off in the direction Kon had last been seen going. There was a path off the main road that looped around the side of Cadmus, leading to a small, rarely used clearing that had become overgrown with grass and brush. Kon liked going there sometimes, when he need some place quiet to get his thoughts in order. It wasn’t difficult to get to from any direction, Harper said, it just wasn’t popular with the locals. Cold- thankfully having the foresight to wear civvies -kept along the path, grumbling to himself because did there really have to be so much damn vegetation? Then he rounded a corner to find Kon lounging on his back a good six or so feet in the air and sitting on top of a worn picnic table, paint coming off it in curls, was Mick. Now Cold would deny to his dying day that he had anything resembling a romantic bone in his body but… it was so damn good just to see Mick again. He wore a light t-shirt, shorts and a ballcap, just chatting with Kon about whatever. But seeing that easy little grin on Mick’s lips, that spark of humor in his eyes, it made a tension knot that had been sitting unknowingly in Cold’s chest ease. He knew, then and there, he was going to bring Mick back somehow. “Kid,” Cold called out as he approached, “take a fly around.” Kon looked at him, thoroughly confused. “Cold? What are you doing here? And why should I listen to you?” Constantly challenging authority, Cold always liked that about Kon. “‘Cause he’s one of mine and I need to talk to him.” He pointed at Mick in confusion. “He’s- wait, what?” “Mick Rory. Heatwave.” He stopped a few feet from the bench, ignoring Mick’s glower. “He’s mine.” Kon’s expression ran the gamut of confused to betrayed to angrily ashamed of himself. “You said your name was Rory Calhoun. Oh my god. Guardian said you’ve been popping up while I wasn’t here and I still didn’t make that connection, I’m such an idiot.” “Kid, c’mon.” Mick reached over and patted Kon’s ankle, the only that was within reach. “No one’s expecting you to remember the real names of every single costumed criminal in the world." “Ugh, I need to go be embarrassed in private.” He peeked up at Cold between his fingers. “Don’t tell Rob.” Cold scoffed. “Like I’d voluntarily tell any of the Bats anything. Imp, on the other hand...” “No, don’t tell Impulse! Everyone will know about it, even the Lanterns on Oa!” Cold chuckled. “Relax, Kid. I just need to talk to Mick. Anything more than that, I don’t really care.” Kon narrowed his eyes at Cold, still not convinced until Mick said, “It's alright, Kon. Guess I’ve held it off long enough.” For a moment it looked like Kon was still going to argue but eventually he said, “Fine. But if he gives you any trouble, just call out my name. I’ll hear you.” Then, just before leaving, he gave Cold an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. Cold went over to the picnic table, climbing up to sit on the top with Mick, leaving ample space between them. They both stared off into the distance until Cold broke the silence first. “You’re pretty good with the Kid.” Mick just shrugged, that even expression never leaving his face. “He’s a good kid in kind of a shitty situation. It’s like the people he lives with a half babysitter, half his boss. He doesn’t really have anyone to talk to that’s not one of his friends. Can’t really get an adult’s perspective when the only adults you know are co-workers.” “So you came all the way over here to play therapist for Superboy?” Mick turned, slowly, to give Cold a hard look. “Is that really what you came here to talk about?” “Ah… no.” Cold turned his eyes back to the ground. The silence stretched brittle between them. “You’ve been gone a while.” Mick just made a flat noise. “It’s not the same without you around,” he tried. “I, uh, I missed you.” To his surprise, Mick sneered. “Don’t know why. Not like you don’t have options.” Thrown by the sudden venom, Cold pulled back a little. “What does that mean?” The silence that fell between them this time was vibrating and on the verge of snapping. This time Mick was the one that broke it. “You said you’d date Wonder Woman.” The words were so low, so petulantly muttered that Cold was certain he didn’t hear right. “What?” “You said in an interview,” Mick said louder, seething between his teeth, “that you’d date Wonder Woman.” “So?” Mick threw his hands in the air. “Right. Of course. What was I thinking. Why would you care about a side piece, right? Fuck me for having emotions.” “Wait, stop- what are you talking about?” “I’m talking about how this- us -means nothing to you!” “Who the hell said that?” “You said you’d date Wonder Woman!” “Everyone has a thing for Wonder Woman. I know for a fact that you do, too!” Cold glared, leaning into Mick’s space. “You honestly gonna tell me that you wouldn’t jump at the chance if she asked you on a date.” “That… that’s not the point!” “I said her because she’s safe! Everyone in the League is a little bit in love with her, no one would blame me or think it actually means something that I say that.” Cold scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not like I can tell the fucking press I’m involved with one of my damn Rogues, now can I?” Mick just looked away, lips folded together and jaw clenched tight. Cold reached over and palmed Mick’s shoulder and, when he didn’t flinch away, pulled him into a one-armed hug. “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you were a side piece or that I don’t care about you. I wish… fuck, I wish things were easier. I wish you came to me instead of just running off.” His own words made Cold pause. “You usually handle this sort of stuff more maturely. Moreso than me, at least. Why’s this different?” Mick pulled away, just far enough that he could brace his elbows against his knees and forehead against his hands. “I’ve been thinking. About… what I do. The kind of person I am. And that maybe I could change that. Be something other than a crook with a flamethrower. Probably wouldn’t go as far as Piper did. Maybe more… Selena’s level. Going after people that deserve it, maybe helping the capes out when they need it. Not looking to be a hero but someone… someone you can actually tell people that you care about.” Cold’s breath caught in his throat, the hand he was rubbing over Mick’s back stilling. “Wait… you were… you were going to change alliance? For me? Mick… I...” “I want to be with you,” he said quietly. “Flirting and fighting and quickies in alleys are fun but… I want more than that.” He looked up at Cold, brown eyes dark and vulnerable in a way Cold had rarely seen them before. “I want to be by your side.” Cold slide his hand down to grabbing Mick’s tightly. “Mick… I had no idea…” That would be an incredible jump to make, one that would take a lot of work and faith- and then that stupid interview happened. “Look- that interview, I was just saying what they wanted to hear. You know that’s how those are.” “I know but…” Mick swallowed hard, hands tightening around Cold’s. “I’m not used to being happy. It’s like… every time I am, something goes wrong. Usually it’s me, the fire taking control and I can’t stop it. So when I read what you said I just… I thought that that was it. The universe decided that I’d been happy with you long enough it decided to take you away.” He laughed, eyes a little wet. “It hurt so bad I didn’t want to think about it. I just… ran.” Cold surged forward, catching Mick’s lips in a harsh, searing kiss that left them both breathless. “You haven’t lost me yet,” he growled. “And I’ll fight like hell every time the universe tries to break us apart.” He stared into Mick’s eyes, intense and defiant. “But you gotta fight, too. I want to be with you. I want to be happy with you and I want to make you happy, but I can’t do it alone. Promise me. Next time you think the universe or fate or whatever is trying to take that away, you’ll fight just as hard.” Mick laughed, pulling Cold in for a bone crushing hug. “Yeah. Promise.” He breathed in deeply and Cold nuzzled against his cheek. “Take me home?” “Damn right I will. I gotta ask, though,” Cold pulled back a bit. “Why Hawaii?” Mick shrugged. “Different location, different climate, different culture. About as far as I could get from Kansas without leaving the country.” “So, uh,” he cleared his throat. “It wasn’t because you like Guardian or something?” “Eh,” Mick shrugged. “He’s alright. Definitely nice to look at but that’s about it.” “So the flirting thing…?” “Trying to distract myself from you.” Cold was oddly flattered. “Did it work?” “Nah. It was like flirting with a brick wall. Guy’s got a stick wedged too far up his ass for anything fun. Or maybe he just hates crooks that much.” Mick gave him a sly, seductive smile that ratcheted Cold’s heart up a notch. “I prefer someone that’ll give as good as they can get.” “Sounds like my kind of guy. You find someone like that, introduce me.” Mick let out a little laugh, letting Cold lean in close. “I’ll think about it.” Cold chuckled, head tilted until they were forehead to forehead. “Ugh. If I had parents I imagine this is what it would feel like watching them flirt.” They both pulled back to glare at Kon, floating above their heads on this stomach, hands folded under his chin and heels kicking idly. He couldn’t look any more comfortable than if he were on a bed. “You mind?” Cold growled. Kon just shot that disgruntled look right back at him. “What? I went for a fly around and it sounded like you two were wrapping up your conversation. Remember, this is my island, not yours. Series of islands. Whatever.” “Fine,” Mick said lightly, pushing himself off the picnic table. He reached back for Cold’s hand, tugging him along. “Since we’re not wanted, we may as well head back to Keystone.” Kon abruptly sat up, looking slightly alarmed. “It’s not that you’re not wanted. Well, Rory at least. Don’t really have strong feelings about Cold either way. But, y’know. You can come over. If you want.” Kon shrugged, trying to look nonchalant about it. “I’m sure Guardian and Dubbilex will be okay with it if you let ‘em know first.” Mick’s lips quirked upward, undeniably charmed by the teen’s awkward offer. “Honestly, I think it’ll be easier on everyone if we do it the other way around.” “Mick-” “Really?” Kon blurted out. “You don’t mind?” “I mind!” Cold interrupted and Mick just looked at him coolly. “Good thing he won’t be visiting you, then.” Cold sighed dramatically. “Fine. But none of your youth justice group gets to tag along. I get Imp zipping through every other day because he doesn’t want to deal with Flash or that old guy.” “You’re such a bleeding heart,” Mick teased fondly. “Yeah, yeah, sure.” Kon finally touched down with a sigh and crossed arms. “I’m really annoyed that you guys are together, by the way. Now I owe Booster $20.” “Why would you bet with Booster?” Cold asked, somewhat aghast. “Did no one tell you never do that?” “But it seemed like such a random pick! How was I suppose to know?” “The more random it seems, the more likely he is to be right,” Cold drawled. “You know why everyone says never to bet with Booster? ‘Cause he’s a history major from the future.” “He’s what? Oh, that little sneak!” Mick leaned in close to ask, “Are you telling me our relationship is important enough to be recorded and taught in history books?” “Well, the alternative is that bimbo figured it out on his own.” He paused. “I’m not sure which is more unlikely.” “Same.” Cold- daringly for him -wrapped an arm around Mick’s waist and began ushering him back to the labs. “Well, lesson learned, Kid. But we got places to be, can’t hang around here all day.” “For the record, I’m glad you’re not dead anymore!” Mick called over his shoulder as Kon waved them on. He leaned over to Cold. “How is he not dead anymore?” “I don’t know, I’ve just stopped being surprised whenever a dead hero randomly shows up again.”

[uas-art]

Title: A Visit Summary: Mysterion drops in to pay Leopold Stotch a visit. Rating: G Ships: N/A Other: Contains implied/mentioned child abuse. Set in a superhero AU

You can also read this one a03

~~~~~~

He would have rather slipped through the window and snuck up on him. It would have been like old times. Leo probably would have gotten a laugh out of it. Unfortunately, Doctor Timothy had insisted Mysterion enter the mansion properly through the front door as a show of trust.

The butler did not seemed all that surprised at the caped vigilante standing in the doorway. Mysterion didn't even need to flash his Freedom Pal's badge for the man to step aside and usher him in.

"The Master is in his study. Would you like me to lead you there, or would you prefer to sulk through the shadows there yourself?" The butler asked in a less than joking tone. Mysterion didn't answer, instead purposefully walking past into a ray of sunlight cast by a near by window.

The butler must have been one of Leo's old hires. Mysterion wouldn't have been too surprised if the butler hadn't been on the receiving end of one of his attacks back in the day. Most of Leo's personal staff use to members of the Chaos organisation that Leo quickly rebranded and name changed to keep them out of jail.

The butler shut the door and wandered off, leaving Mysterion to his own devices.

In the past, when Mysterion snuck into the mansion, he had to keep close to the walls and duck in and out of doorways to avoid being detected. He would use his unworldly powers to slip from shadow to shadow and distract servants and guards. Now, however, he marched up the large set of stairs and down the hall as if he were a member of the household.

Finally, Mysterion came to a large door. He reached up and rapped his knuckles against the hard wood three times in set rhythm, two quick knocks, a pause, then the final knock.

The over-excited sound of footsteps hurried to the door before it swung inwards.

Leopold Stotch looked at Mysterion with a wide, almost goofy-looking, grin. Green and red paint smeared across his cheek and a streak of navy blue across his forehead with a whole rainbow of oil paint on his artist's smock. His eyes even seemed to sparkle with joy at seeing the hero.

It was hard to imagine this baby-faced man was ever one of the most feared and wanted men in all the United States less than two years ago.

Leo jumped back. "Mysterion, come in, come in! It's so good to see you, buddy! Do you want some tea? One of my staff just brought some, and it's got extra honey and lemon."

"No, but thank you," Mysterion shook his head as he entered the study.  He glanced around. It had been a year and a half now since he, Tupperwear, and Toolshed had come in and removed all the machines and weapons and monitors. Now the walls were lined with stacks of canvas and shelves with jars of paint brushes, chalks, crayons, and all other assortments of art supplies. A single TV was affixed to a wall in the corner with the weather channel playing.

Leo grabbed hold of Mysterion's arm. The hero let himself be tugged along towards an easel. The before mentioned tea sat steaming on a small table next to it.

"You have to see my latest painting." Leo took the canvas from the easel and held it in front of him. Pride beamed from his face. The piece in Leo's hand was a mess of colors and different textures, greens and blues and whites, and Mysterion couldn't for the life of him tell what it was suppose to be or if that was the point.

Mysterion frowned. He didn't grow up in a house hold that really appreciated the finer things, modern art being one of them. The closest thing he could recall print of Jesus in a fancy frame his mother had gotten from some free store or another.

"Its...nice." Mysterion commented. "I like that...green diamond pattern."

Leo laughed. "Ok, you just gotta see it with the others, silly!" He ran past Mysterion and began to pick out some other canvases. As he set them next to each other on the floor, a picture began to appear before Mysterion's very eyes: an emerald dragon nestled among the clouds over looking a castle and forest.

Mysterion whistled, impressed. "You painted all this?"

"Yup!" Leo grinned. "Took a while to figure out what parts to put where, but I did it!" He stepped closer to Mysterion. "I'm donating it to a children's hospital next week. Think the kids will like it? Or is the dragon too scary?"

"They'll love it," Mysterion replied softly.  

The two stood in silence. Mysterion gazed at the paintings, trying to take in the smaller details Leo had hidden. So far he found a blue birds nest in the trees and a little family walking along a path towards the castle.  As he gazed upon the blue-grey stone of the castle, Mysterion noticed a figure in the tower window. Careful not to disturb the paintings, he walked around to get a better look.

"Is that...?"

"Yup." Leo joined him and crouched. "It's Charlotte. I saw her on the news recently." He reached out and gently brushed his fingers over the woman in the window with a heavy sigh.

Charlotte had been his fiance, until he was finally arrested for his villainous crimes. At first, she had stayed with him, proclaiming Leo couldn't be Professor Chaos, that he was being framed, but soon the constant media attention and rumors finally drove her away. The last Mysterion had heard of her was from an interview she gave saying that she hoped Leo got the help he needed.

Leo fell back on his heels. "Hey, Mysterion, can I, um, ask you a question?"

"Of course," Mysterion replied.

Leo rested his head on his knees, not looking up at the hero. "Do...do you think it'll ever be enough? Will I finally stop feeling guilty for all I've done one day or is this," he paused to gesture to the paintings, "all for nothing?"

Mysterion pursed his lips before going down to his knees. He placed a hand on Leo's arm but didn't speak.

"Sometimes," Leo whispered, gripping his legs, "I wish they just had thrown me in jail. I wish my lawyers weren't as good. I hate them for that." He gritted his teeth. "I hated how they played up how badly my parents treated me and made me cry at the stand. I hated how they kept acting like the doctor who said I had dissociative identity disorder was right when I know he was a lair." Bitterness seeped into Leo's words. "I ain't got D.I.D.. Chaos isn't another personality of mine that I didn't know about. He is me. I am him. We both deserve to be punished for everything we did."

Mysterion reached out and pried Leo's hand off his leg before he hurt himself.

"I know, Leo." Mysterion said, slowly. "But maybe there is something to all that. Not that you have D.I.D., but that maybe you and Chaos aren't the exact same person." At this, Leo swung his head around and met Mysterion's eyes.

Mysterion took a breath and chose his words carefully. "The Professor Chaos I knew always owned up to being a villain. He never denied that what he was doing was against the law but, he always said he shouldn't be punished for it. Chaos said he was doing the world a favor. That it was the lack of chaos in our society that made us so lazy and sedentary." He squeezed Leo's wrist. "He didn't feel any guilt for what he did. But you, Leo, you do. That's how I know you two aren't the same. Professor Chaos is gone. He's dead, and he's not holding you back from your growth like he's done for years. Do you understand?"

Leo swallowed. A layer of moisture covered his eyes, and he had to blink from tearing up. After a moment, Leo blew his nose against his smock and turned back to the painting.

"You know, there is another person I know in this painting." Leo leaned forward and grabbed a canvas from the middle. He sat back on his bottom with the canvas propped up against his knees. It was part of the scene of the sky and clouds. He turned the painting towards Mysterion.

"Can you see him?"

Mysterion narrowed his eyes, scanning the painting. After a moment, he pointed. "There?" He asked. It looked like a person, a child, sleeping, their head resting against the dragon's foot. The child's hands rested over their stomach with a peaceful expression on their face.

Leo nodded.  "Yeah, he's...an old friend of mine who passed away a long time ago." He pressed his fingers against the canvas. "He died at the hospital this is all going to. The doctors tried all they could to save him, but it couldn't be helped." Leo shook his head. "I hated seeing him waste away like he did."

Mysterion pursed his lips. After a heartbeat, he asked, "What's his name?"

Leo sighed. "His name was Kenny. We were only nine, and get he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy."

Mysterion took in a sharp breath that caused Leo to look towards him with a concerned expression. He coughed into his hand. "Sorry, I...someone very close to me passed from that same thing. I know how hard it is."

Leo's expression soften, and he turned back to the painting. "I'm sorry I brought it up then."

"Don't be. People get sick, and people die, that's...that's just how the world works."

Unless they’re me, Mysterion added to himself. He pushed the thought and the guilt away. Until he finally joined Freedom Pals and started to live full time at the estate, he had been faking his death and relocating himself over and over. It had been the only way to keep everyone he cared about safe from his growing rogue gallery. His drawn out battle with muscular dystrophy had only been the first.

'Kenny' needed to die for 'Mysterion' to raise.

For split second, the truth pressed against Mysterion's teeth. He had to swallow to keep the words from escaping. Leo didn't need to know about their shared past. It would only hurt him more.

"Heya, Mysterion." Leo whispered, almost inaudibly, "Think they would let me take flowers to his grave? Or would that break my parol?"

Mysterion let out a shake breath he prayed Leo didn't notice. "I'll see if I can pull some strings and let you go, even if I have to escort you there myself."

Leo's eyes grew wide. He stared at Mysterion. He didn't try to blink the tears away this time.

"Thank you, Mysterion."

~~~~

AN: This was for a gen challenge from a facebook group but i misread the information and this doesn’t meet the criteria, so yeah its just a normal fic now. Also, the wiki mentioned Butters is really artistic, and I'm sad that doesn't get brought up much. :(

[fantroll-purgatory]

@47098

FIRST: Alternia or Beforus or some type of AU?

Alternia!

Name (preferably include how you came up with it and why):Talpie Mammor Talpie, taken from the scientific name for a mole. Mammor, an altered version of the god of greed.

Maybe substitute Mamuna for Mammor? I know that’s kind of a nitpick, but Mamuna is a regularly accepted alternate spelling of Mammon when she’s presented as a demonness. (It’s also the name of a Slavic demonness of maliciousness and gluttony but we don’t really have to acknowledge that).

Talpie Mamuna...

Age: 6.9 sweeps

Weapon: Unsure!

Flashbang. She wants to be the center of attention but doesn’t like hurting people. Boom.

Inventory: ADVENTURE STYLE. When she picks things up, they get locked in chests. To open them again, she has to find a key hidden somewhere. She likes to keep things fresh.

I like that haha. Do the keys just get randomly scattered within the environment she’s in? Is there a certain radius? Things to think about.

Blood color: Cobalt.

Trolltag: vivaciousMoneygrubber [VM]

I do like this already. I might also recommend illustriousMoneygrubber[IM], just because of her goal to make a name for herself. Because she’s so charismatic, i think Moneygrubber definitely comes off quirky and proud despite typically being an insult.

Quirk:  OBVIOUSL¥ ONL¥ THE B€$T AND MO$T AMAZING QUIRK €V€R.

(replaces Es with euro signs, Ss with dollar signs, and Ys with the sign for yen. also talks in capitals, because she likes to be heard.)

Fitting!

Special Abilities (if any): None!

Since she’s a cobalt, she DOES get the benefit of psychic resistance!

Lusus: A blind mole with Big Hands. Like Drilbur.

Oh that is so cute I love that. I definitely don’t disagree. If I Had an alternate recommendation for consideration, may I suggest a badgermole?

I recommend this mostly because of the title recommendations I’m going to be making later- but we’ll get to that.

Personality:

The most confident person in the room, Talpie is always a standout when compared to anyone she is close to. She LOVES standing out, hence her always choosing to look different. She never lets things lie, instead dragging things out until she decides that it’s over. She is ultimately insecure about her body and certain parts of her personality- IE: the loneliness and fear for personal relationships, as well as her poor eyesight due to her tenfold vision- but loves every other part of herself. She wants to project herself for the world, take it by storm, make a name for herself, yet she fears rejection or failure because of her weaknesses.

Talpie is very charismatic, extremely happy to talk to anyone who wants to listen to her. She can ramble on for hours about nothing or give solid- if not blunt- advice about most anything. She might be a bit much for some people due to her extreme advice, either giving humble advice or passion filled declarations of emotion or intuition. Other times she will shoot down people’s ideas in a heartbeat and replace them with her own. Often she will think a plan is foolproof despite only taking minutes to think it up, but because of her extreme adaptability it somehow still works out (most of the time). Her recklessness does often get people hurt, though, and while she may not show it she does always feel sorry when she hurts people. She is a compassionate person on the inside, a cold-blooded worker on the outside. Notice that that said WORKER, because no matter how much she wants to act like a cold-blooded, badass killer, she can’t hurt someone for the life of her.

She is incredibly caring. When someone is hurt, she will complain about their weakness yet carry them to safety. When someone is heartbroken, she will tell them they should have expected it yet offer them a shoulder to cry on. When someone is depressed she will be blunt and forceful, but speak in a way that will only cheer them up. She can’t handle not being the center of attention, but she will focus her own attentions to whoever she feels needs it. If she thinks you don’t actually need help, she won’t bother with you unless she decides there isn’t anything better to do. If someone gets hurt while she is about to achieve something and they won’t live if she keeps going, she will choose the life of the person ahead of her goal. She will blow it off, absolutely, and call them a fucking stupid idiot, and she WILL regret it, but she knows that she’s weak in that regard. (or, she calls herself weak for it)

She is goal driven. She knows this. She knows that she would always end up choosing her goals over the people she cares about, aside from a few special circumstances. She wants to make a name for herself, craves the validation that comes from overcoming adversity and proving everything wrong yet she fears the loneliness that has come from that endeavor so far. She fears that she will be lonely her entire life, so she tries to keep herself at a distance. She doesn’t think she can be successful and have meaningful relationships.

Her tenfold vision is the reason why she isolates herself, as well.

I love her personality and the amount of thought you’ve put into! Characters with conflicting goals and natures can be very fascinating to play with. I’m going to go through real quick and just kind of note (mostly for myself) themes I see in her personality.

High energy, impulsive/reckless, caring, adventurous, afraid of isolation and loneliness, prioritizes her aims over other people (except in life or death situations), considers herself weak for making concessions out of concern for other people, overconfident and self-conscious at once.

Interests:

MONEY

action movies (she likes to watch action movies with female protagonists b/c she is a big lesbian)

HEROINES IN… NICE CLOTHES (spandex)

GETTING SHIT DONE

WHOOPING ASS

TABLETOP ROLEPLAY (alone, she doesnt have any irl friends only online ones) saying dumb things and instantly regretting it SIMPLICITY

“Saying dumb things and instantly regretting it” really made me laugh hbhg. I feel it, Talpie. Also tabletop roleplay alone... interesting. Does she act out the scenes herself? Like some kind of... pacifist flarp? Maybe she could like writing stories too, uses the tabletop roleplaying to write down these Adventures.

Since she likes the idea of Making A Name For Herself she could maybe also be interested in military, even if just a little bit? It seems like on Alternia the best way to Get Known is to be an actor or to be Really Powerful And Influential and since most people end up growing up into the military... it’s an unfortunately efficient way to receive validation and commendation.

Title: SYLPH OF TIME

Now... I think time player probably does fit her at least adjacently, but I think in this case it might be playing too much into what she Wants To Be and isn’t providing her with enough of a challenge. I know not all titles have to Aim For Change, but she seems like the kind of character with a rocky starts who needs something to either break her down or force her to Develop.

so I’m going to shift this to... Rogue of Blood, I think.

A passive role like Rogue would be very hard for her to play, because it is something lowkey, something that is focused heavily on sharing- something she doesn’t seem very keen on. Learning not to allocate things properly would be a struggle for her.

Blood is the aspect of the bound. The tied. I think giving her a role that forces her to be more grounded and to find more bonds might be a good idea.

The Rogue of Blood passively moves around ties, moves around the relationships and responsibilities and chains that form between people. With this ability she’d be able to passively lead a group. It makes sense for someone so goal oriented and trying to shunt her into a leadership position instead of letting her do her own thing might create some interesting dynamics.

This is also why I suggested the badgermoles earlier- they’re the original earthbenders in the ATLA universe and the inverse of Breath is Blood, of air is earth. It’s something that might force her to be more down to earth.

Her inverse would be Knight of Breath, which would explain her starting out inundated with all this adventurous energy. Her intense separatism is something she uses entirely, recklessly, and hasn’t yet learned to harness. Once she does, though, she’d be able to exploit freedom and movement, shifting around obligations to leave Openness and Opportunity in its wake. Fun stuff.

Land: CASTLES and CREVICES

Love that name. I might also recommend Castles and Cells just to make some jokes about shackles wrt her aspect.

Dream Planet:Prospit

I think I Do agree with this assignment. I was a little on the fence because of her doubts, but the fact that she lives more in the moment and makes some impulsive decisions and seems to focus a lot more externally than internally sold me on it.

So with all that figured out, I can finally assign her a sign.

Scorcer, the sign of the Champion.

Now on to the redesign!:

Horns: I kept them the same! I like that they kind of look like the claws of a mole, so I thought they fit her theme 

Hair: I fixed up her bangs a little to put it more in front of the horns, just to kind of push the horns back and make things look better layered. I also wanted to adjust the bangs to be based off of Evie from The Mummy! For the back of her hair I changed it to a braid as a reference to Lara Croft. 

Face: I got rid of the artifacting around her eyes to make things look crisper and cleaner. I also made her mouth a bit thicker just so it would stand out more on her face. 

Cape: I changed the color to match her blood. I thought the saturation would help it pop more and would bring in a more cohesive design. I also made the strings pop more. And I adjusted the back of the cape to be more rounded. I thought it made it look more like it was laying on the ground and gave it more visible weight. 

Shorts: I brought in a different bright saturated blue in the same family as her blood color to give it a new range of values. It helps her pop a lot, again. And I gave her some gold snaps! Very passive reference to her greed theme. 

Shoes: I liked her little leggings, so I kept them that color but gave them a more distinctive outline. I also changed her shoes. I used some of Jake’s shoes as a base, but added a steel toe and made them bright red. 

Thank you for sharing another lovely troll!

-CD