#and the love of a friend is so much purer than that of a partner

[journeytodrawiii]

It was recently my friend's birthday and I made her a painting. She's a very vibrant young woman, filled with passion and the need to live. She loves swords and all things Celtic, Norse and Greek mythology; so, I decided to her as a nymph type creature or perhaps as the lady of the lake. Mostly I drew her like this because of a photo I saw on Pinterest of someone standing in a murky lake holding a sword and I immediately thought of her. She's been with me through thick and thin, since my very first day at middle school and she'll be with me through to my very last day at high school. She's been there through the ups and downs, and I've been there for her. She's much stronger than people realise, and I feel she sometimes aches to let others know that she has seen and felt so much more than she lets on. But, I drew her with a peaceful look upon her face because I feel she really needs a good rest, real peace. We all could, but the way school challenges her is harsh. Yet, she pushes on, building herself a loving future day by day. I see her, and I admire her very much. Having her arms around me feels like home.

[jellys-compendium]

V - SFW Alphabet

Rating: T

Cw: none A/n: Here are some SFW thoughts on our poetic, melancholic, and edgy boy, V. This was a lot of fun and I was happy to show him some love.

V - NSFW Alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

V is selective with whom he shows his affection, whether it be platonic or romantic. V is not overtly affectionate overall, but he does show care and concern for the people that he deeply treasures. How V shows his affection is also subtle, but at the same time can be a little dorky and poetic. Scribbling you little poems and sticking them in places for you to find later, gently wrapping his fingers around yours whenever the two of you are standing close, staying up late with you into the night just so he can spend more time talking with you. These are the ways V shows his affections.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

V is one of those quiet best friends that you don't really know everything about, but still share that deep sense of trust with. He is that kind of best friend that you could simultaneously share deep conversations with or sit with him in silence for hours without it feeling awkward. The two of you just enjoy being in each other's presence. As for how a friendship with V would start, I think it would spark either due to similar interests, or there is something about you that V just finds alluring.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

V does like to cuddle, although you wouldn't find this out well into the relationship. V adores the feeling of your warm skin against his and the softness of your embrace. When V is comfortable with you, he's not at all shy about cuddling, and he will happily wrap you in his arms and pull you close whenever you ask. V also loves it when you cuddle him back. To him, the soothing feeling of your hands gently stoking up and down his back is sweeter than any prose.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I imagine that V has secret little fantasies about settling down. While he doesn't often get much time to think about it, whenever he sees you happily engaging in one of your domestic chores or hobbies, he always gets that little pang of longing in his heart. Some nights he dreams about stealing you away to a place where he can have you all to himself. A place where it can just be the two of you peacefully living together. When it comes to household chores, I'm going to be totally honest, V is not really the best at these things. He's often aloof when it comes to chores and the man can't cook to save his life.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

V would be heartbroken, but in the end I think he would be straightforward about it. I don't imagine him abandoning a partner without saying something. Likely, V would pull you aside to tell you that his feelings have changed and that he's ending things. However, if he's doing it to protect you, I can see the breakup being very teary and messy. V would be so torn, but his willpower is formidable and if he's set his mind on protecting you, then that's exactly what he's going to do.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Oh this man is committed. Once V realizes that he loves you, that's it. His body, heart, and soul are yours. Whether or not that means he will share his life with you in the traditional sense, is another thing. Being who he is, there are many obstacles in the way, but that won't stop V from adoring you, even if it's from afar. As for marriage, I think that V isn't particularly one to jump into such a thing right away. He probably would only do it to make you happy. To V, the feelings he harbors for you in his heart are far purer and more powerful a reflection of how much he treasures you. I have to say though, he would write the most beautiful and tear jerking wedding vows.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

V is a gentle soul, both physically and emotionally. His touches feel like the cool summer breeze, his kisses are like velvet, and his voice is like the morning sun trickling in through curtains. Emotionally, V is quite introspective and sensitive towards both you and himself. V always seems to have a sixth sense about how you're feeling and will comfort you however he can when you need it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

V is not really the biggest fan of hugs (except those coming from you of course). I wouldn't say that he outright hates them, but he feels awkward and doesn't really know how to feel or respond whenever he receives them from others. V's hugs are very soft and gentle. He's not one to wrap you in a lung splitting bear hug. Instead, he elects to gingerly wrap his arms around you and pull you into a comfortable embrace.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Saying those three little words "I love you" out loud takes V a very, very long time. V knows he has fallen in love with you long ago, but funnily enough even though he is lover of words, he can't seem to ever find the right time to say it aloud. Instead, V tells you that he loves you through his poetry. The breathtaking verses he writes in which he so tenderly and carefully illustrates the depths of his love for you, speaks more than those three words ever could.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Jealousy is not an unknown beast to V. This man does have a tendency to get jealous of those who possess the qualities, relationships, or life he desires. However, being as introspective as V is, he does come to realize this about himself and so will strive to have it affect his actions as minimally as possible. If V were to ever get jealous over someone trying to steal your attention and/or affection from him, I can see V mostly being quiet about it. But that acidic bile will seep into his tone, the sharpness of his gaze, and the harshness of his words. Luckily, it usually only takes a comforting word from you to pull V out of it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

V's kisses are as ever changing and moving as the clouds in the sky. Sometimes his kisses are soft and tender. Other times they are passionate and desperate. V's kisses are a mirror of the emotions in his heart, and while he can control his words and mannerisms for the most part, V finds he has a difficult time concealing how he really feels whenever he kisses you. That being said, V loves to kiss you. It's his favorite way of physically showing his affection towards you. With reverent lips V adorns your mouth, hands, throat, shoulders--every inch of you he can reach with worshipping kisses. As for where V likes to be kissed, he always melts whenever you kiss his cheek. There is just something so pure and loving about those kisses that makes his heart squeeze pleasantly in his chest.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

I'm going to be honest, I don't think that V is all that great around children. His solitary and more introverted nature makes him come across as standoffish and that doesn't always lend well to his interactions with young people. In addition, V can come across as unempathetic when a child is whining over something. However that being said, there is a rare breed of child that finds V's mysterious aura intriguing, and they will often seek him out just to talk with him or listen to him read. They are intrigued by him, and he in turn is intrigued by them. The way V's voice softens and the tiny little smile that pulls at his lips whenever he is around those particular little ones is one of the sweetest things you've ever seen.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

V is absolutely not a morning person. Rising with the dawn he does not. Typically, if you want to get V up in the early hours of the morning, you will have to roll him out of bed. That or bribe him with multitudes of kisses. If V had his way, he would spend every single day cuddling under the warm blankets with you until noon. The demons can wait.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

V's a night owl. He likes the quiet hours best, and finds the peaceful solitude of that time both inspiring and comforting. V enjoys spending nights relaxing with you. Lounging on the couch with you curled up in his arms as he reads you poetry. The nights he gets to spend with you like that are his favorites.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

V is guarded to a certain extent, but he also has a vulnerable side to him. V will keeps things about himself hidden at the start of any relationship he has, but once that bridge of trust has been built, he is surprisingly quick to open up. He genuinely wants to make meaningful connections with the people he cares about. In your relationship with him specifically, V started to open up to you once he realized that he could trust you with his feelings and fears.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It takes effort to anger V...with a few exceptions. He maintains a cool calmness most of the time and he is very much of the "live and let live" mindset. However if finds himself facing something that reminds him of the trauma he has endured, or if you are harmed in anyway, V's anger erupts. With the help of his familiars, V will tear the target of his anger to pieces.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Ohohoho. Listen. V remembers every single little absolute minute detail about you. Is there something that you mentioned in the briefest of passings 7 months ago? He'll remember it like it was yesterday. V adores you, and he is diligent in committing to memory the little details and intricacies that make you, you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

V doesn't have a specific moment that he considers a favourite over others, because he treasures every single moment with you. V knows that he's not long for this world in his current state, so he savours every glance, every word, every touch, and every second that he gets to spend with you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective to say the least. V will put himself between you and harms way without a shred of doubt. The unfortunate thing is that V isn't exactly in the most ideal position to protect you from the powerful demonic threats that the two of you face. His body is decaying and he is vulnerable without the help of his familiars. This bothers him exceptionally. When it comes to himself being protected, V won't turn down help when he needs it. But he would be lying if he didn't say it burned him deep inside. In his heart, he feels he should be the one protecting you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

V likes to put in effort into his gestures of affection. While he is not one for grandiose displays, V does very much enjoy showering you with small little tokens of his love for you each and every day. Slipping a flower between the pages of the book you were reading, going on a date to a place with beautiful scenery for the two of you to admire, leaving little love notes and poems for you to find, dancing with you to the melody of a sonata. V loves you above all things and he wants to make you feel cherished and appreciated.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Unfortunately, V doesn't take very good care of himself. Lets be honest, his sleeping habits are terrible, he doesn't eat much or drink enough water, and he is continuously pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion. Thank goodness he at least bathes and is good in the hygiene department.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I think V is vain to a certain extent. He does want to look good and charismatic (at least to your eyes). However, I should say that he's not so vain that V would sacrifice anything important for the sake of his looks.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Without a doubt. V is a sentimental man. If you were to ever leave, he would feel like a part of himself left with you. A part that V knows he'll never recover so long as he is without you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Underneath the mysterious, edgy boy layer, V surprisingly has a dorky sense of humor. He often makes inside corny jokes with you and will reference them on occasion while in the company of others. V loves making you laugh with a private little joke the two of you share, and he is not in the least bit bothered with the confused glances the others send his way.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I think that V is adverse to people who are extravagantly loud, brutish, and/or abrasive. People who have no moments of quiet, or who have no sense of appreciation for literature, music, and art. While V doesn't necessarily hate these personality types, he finds he doesn't have the energy to be around those kind of people for very long.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

As I indicated before, V has absolutely terrible sleeping habits. He typically doesn't sleep more than a few hours at a time, and when he does his sleep, he is quite restless. Nightmares are common, as is him jolting awake in the middle of the night covered in a cold sweat. Since sharing a bed with you however, V has found that being able to feel the warmth of your body beside his has helped to ease his mind considerably. And even if he has a bad night, V will ask you to help him make up for it by dozing with you through the mornings.

sfw alphabet template

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Stuff like "Being aromantic is okay - it means your life doesn't revolve around finding a partner, so you can have tons of friends! Having a whole friend group to love is so much purer and better than only having one partner to love" is well-meant... but there are multiple reasons why I don't think this should be the main point to use when you want to share aromantic positivity:

Aromantic people exist, not feeling romantic attraction is one of the many possible human experiences out there. So, being aromantic is okay! Full stop. No (spoken or silent) "if" or "but" or "as long as".

The focus on friendship implies that not feeling romantic attraction is only okay because they make up for it by having many friends. Making up for it isn't necessary because it's not a flaw or personal weakness.

There are people who struggle to make friends. There are people who don't feel the need to make friends. If those people happen to also be aromantic, they deserve to have a space in the community and not feel like a "bad example".

There are plenty of ways to interpret the world around you and your feelings about people. Not everyone feels comfortable with the idea that they "love" their friends (or the implication that you need to at least love your friends if you can't love a partner)

It's kinda weird to imply that people who feel romantic attraction are unable to have any interests but romance or do not have any deep connections to people other than their partner.

It's not impure or bad to want a partner. Again, really weird implications here! You can uplift aromantic people without bad-mouthing people who want romantic relationships.

Some aromantic people also have or want a special relationship with one specific person. They are still aromantic.

Can we just generally retire the idea that one way of living your life is "purer" than other ways?

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[robynlilyblack]

The Double Date

Sirius Black x fem! reader

Summary: Sirius is sick of James’ whining about Lily and y/n is sick of Lily pretending she hates James so they devise a plan to get them together, little do they know it works out well for them too

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, Remus being an adorable klutz, slight snape slander

A/n: 6.5k words, this oneshot is based off of this request sorry for the delay i got caught up with uni work x I hope you enjoyed it I loved writing this!

Navigation | Sirius Black Masterlist

“Ugh, he’s just so annoying” Lily complains as you both walk into your dorm “I mean why doesn’t he just give up already” she huffs, placing her bag down before taking a seat on the front of her bed

You sighed, shrugging off your robe, dropping it along with your bag on the floor before proceeding to collapse backwards onto your bed, ready to hear yet another rant about James Fleamont Potter. You loved Lily, you really did, but every day without fail she would complain about him. To start it was justified and usually only happened when he did something that really pissed her off but over the last few weeks she would just go on and on about him every chance she got.  

You weren’t even listening to her as you stared up at the celling, whatever she was talking about you’d probably heard it a million times already. It was times like these you missed Snape, he would listen to her complain all day, of course he was obsessed with her much like James, although, you had to admit James’ obsession was more endearing than your ex friends. His love was lighter, purer, while Snape’s was borderline terrifying with the way you would and still do catch him staring at her from across the room. Not to mention James would never ever call Lily a mudblood, nor would any of the other marauders, you may have thought some of their pranks were a bit extreme but at least they were all good at heart.

One marauder did grow on you the most, even more so as you both shared one class alone together and were partners in said class. You hated it, falling for him like every other girl had done before you but you couldn’t stop yourself, Sirius was dreamy, handsome and to your surprise could be really sweet. You knew you had no chance with him, no matter how close you might have gotten, he was a natural flirt and he had never made a move so you concluded he must only see you as a friend. Despite that fact, you couldn’t help but daydream about the boy.

“Y/n?” Lily looks up to see you laying on the bed staring into space “I could say anything right now and you wouldn’t hear me” she tilts her head a bit thinking before testing that statement “There’s a spider on your bed and its crawling towards your face” no response “I saw Alice kiss Frank on Tuesday” still nothing “I’m in love with James”

Lily peers forward surprised not even that got your attention. Wow, she’s really is in her own little world, she thinks as she moves to get some of her homework out of her bag, deciding to do that while she waits on you snapping out of whatever daze you’re in. As Lily starts writing and you continue to daydream, a similar conversation occurs in the boy’s dorm.

Here he goes again, Lily’s so amazing, I think I saw her smile this time after she told me to get lost, ugh. Sirius lets his head fall back onto the headboard looking up before tilting his head to look at Remus who was grating his teeth as James drones on and on while he’s trying to read. He turns his head towards Peter, chuckling a bit as it seems James has already managed to put the boy to sleep. Looking back at James his voice starts to fade out as he just watches him gesture and smile as he raves about Lily

Sirius had to admit that the way James’ eyes lit up around Lily was sweet and he was sure whatever his friend was saying at that moment was also sweet, but hearing it every day for over 6 years drove him crazy. He had had his fair share of crushes, but nothing like the way James had it for Lily, well maybe he did for one girl but he’d never admit it.

You were perfect in his eyes, he loved it when you laughed at his jokes, blushed when he flirted with you and adored talking to you about anything and everything, but he never made a move for two reasons. One, as weird as it sounded he was scared to ruin what you had. Two, you just so happened to be Lily’s best friend and he was terrified you would think he was using you to help his own best friend or think he was nothing more than the school’s heartbreaker and you were his latest ‘victim’ as the rumours would call it.

Sirius was pulled out of his own daydream by a pillow hitting him in the face “Oww” he grabs the pillow throwing it straight back at James “What the hell Prongs” he huffs

“Glad I have your attention now, you’ve been sitting staring into space for like an hour mate” Sirius shakes his head looking around to see Remus and Peter are no longer there and the sun had gone down “What were you thinking about” James prods

“Nothing, just spaced that’s all” Sirius shrugs trying his hardest not to blush in embarrassment for daydreaming about you all that time

“Mhm” James hums back his tone knowing but doesn’t say anything “Moony and Wormtail are off to the kitchens to get snacks, wanna go and pretend we’re flitch again, they have my cloak but I swiped the map before they left” he holds up the bit of paper wiggling his eyebrows

“Moonys gonna kill us” Sirius smirks getting up and following James out “But it’s gonna be so worth it”

Walking into class you sit in your regular seat at the back, beginning to get out your stuff as you feel someone sit next to you. Looking over, you smile seeing Sirius getting his own stuff out, as he’s racking through his bag presumably for a quill he turns to you giving you a smile 

“Morning love” he winks before turning bacl to his bag

“Morning Sirius” you greet back before biting your lip as you turn away, even now a small act like that made butterflies appear in your stomach

“Ah ha” Sirius pulls out the quill holding proudly smiling at you but his expression turns into a confused one as you begin to giggle “What” he starts chuckling unable to stop himself laughing with you

“Its…” you point at it “…a bit broken” your giggles increase as you see Sirius look at the quill inspecting it before the feathers tip over practically folding in half, making him laugh as he face palms “Can I…”

“Here” you hand him yours, then reach down into your bag to grab your spare

“Thanks love, don’t know what I’d do without you”

“Probably have an excuse to not write anything down” you tease

“Cheeky” he nudges you “Remember last year when you were all sweet and innocent” he leans into you pretending to reminisce “Whatever happen to that girl”

“You’re just jealous I have better patter than you now” you smirk

Just as Sirius was about to clap back the lesson starts, the professor explaining something that was bound to come up on the exam next semester while you watched Sirius doodle. His drawings were interesting, you had no idea why he drew them but you did recognise some symbols. Like there would be ones which represented the moon, probably for Remus, some for stags, must be James and then some others for dogs and rats, himself and Peter. You and Lily along with Alice, Marlene and Dorca had speculated about the marauder’s ‘nicknames’, wondering why they would choose them but you figured maybe it was their favourite animal or something.

Soon the professor leaves you to do the exercise while they mark some papers, you start working on writing up some things from the book in front of you, while Sirius continues to doodle. You had gotten used to working as you both had hushed conversations so when he shifts a little closer to you, you leant closer too to listen

“So how are you doing, Lily looked a bit pissed off this morning” he chuckles recalling breakfast where James was yet again rejected

“As per usual” you giggle back, to start you didn’t want to speak about Lily but it was nice to have some light-hearted fun as you both joked about your friends “He’s never going to give up, is he?”

“Never” he shakes his head “Just between us you think he has a chance?” he peers over his tone a bit more serious

You look up at him, breath hitching realising how close you were “umm” you turn back to your work unable to form an answer while he’s looking at you like that “Honestly?”

“Brutally”

“I think so, maybe not a the start, Lily definitely liked Snape for years but now?” you look back up at him “I’m almost certain she likes him back”

Sirius smiles brightly, clearly happy for his friend “I won’t tell him, he raves enough about her already” he starts to mock James’ voice quietly as you try your hardest not to snigger too loud “Oh my Lilypad looks so wonderful today, Pads did you see her face it was glowing, the way her hair was flowing in the wind earlier made her look like a goddess” he chuckles “Merlin, you think he’s annoying from what you’ve seen, trying sharing a dorm with him for almost 7 years and live with him for 2” he shakes his head “I love him but he drives me insane” 

“Trust me I know how you feel, every night all I hear is James did this, James done that, can you believe he called me his Lilypad, blah blah blah blah blah blah” he smiles at your own mimicking

“I just wish they would get together already so we can get some peace” Sirius says as he shakes his head

You nod as he turns back to his doodles, as you sit you think for a moment before turning back “What if they did and we just gave them a little...push?” you propose

“What do you mean?” he raises an eyebrow clearly intrigued

“Well, I think you might be rubbing off on me a little bit but we could come up with a plan which pushes for them to interact in a normal way. Like James always tries to approach her and flirt but what if we just got them into a regular conversation, shame it’s not closer to Christmas we could include a little mistletoe to turn it romantic” you ponder “Either way it’ll work out well for them, even if the motive behind it is in our own self-interest” you chuckle nervously

“I like it” he nods before leaning closer to you “So glad I’m starting to corrupt you” he whispers into your ear, smirking as he pulls back seeing how much it affected you

“Shut up” you pout nudging him “We need a plan though and I have no ideas” you shrug

“Well darling” your heart leaps at the new nickname “That’s what I’m here for, you just sit and look pretty while I explain my amazing plan”

You blush at the compliment before turning to listen to his ‘plan’ but see he’s in thought “Got nothing huh?”

“Not a one”

About a week later Sirius approached you and Lily while you were studying, although you had seen him over at another table with the other marauders for a while before he got up and walked over

“Hey” he greets you both

“If you are here to convince me to…” Lily starts but Sirius cuts her off

“Actually, I wanted to talk to y/n” he flashes you a smile, but it isn’t the one you had grown used to this one resembled the one he used when flirting and it made your stomach feel all funny especially when he added “Alone”

“Oh” Lily is a taken aback looking over to see your reaction as your eyes are fixated on Sirius

“Sure” you nod quickly “I’ll be back in a bit” you smile at your friend as you follow Sirius out of the library to talk leaving Lily mildly confused but a small smile appears on her face

You look back to see the other marauders looking at you, furrowing your eyebrows as you seen James with a shit eating grin, Remus was a small smile as he soon returns to his book and Peters eyes wide a similar grin to James like they are all waiting in anticipation. As you leave the library Sirius pulls you into a small enclave down the corridor

“Hi again” Sirius smiles now at you, peaking his head out to make sure none of his friends followed him out, or more specifically looking at the ground for any of their feet

“Hi” you follow his gaze looking out then back at him “Why did you pull me out like that and why were your friends all grinning like Cheshire cats at me” you ask

He snaps his head back to you “Oh well its part of the plan you see” he smirks before tilting his head “What’s a Cheshire cat?”

“Thing from a muggle book, ask Remus” he lets out an ‘ah’ in understanding before you continue “So what’s the plan?” you bite your lip as you wait for his answer

“Well, James, Remus and Peter all know that me and you are pretty good friends now and Lily knows that you are friendly with me, so” he smiles obviously proud of his own thinking

“So” you extend the syllables

“We are going to go on a date” you almost choke on the air as your eyes go wide “Not a real date like a fake date” he clarifies although his heart ache a bit saying the word ‘fake’

You’re at a loss for words, a series of little noises coming out as you open and close your mouth trying to process before eventually forming a sentence “How… How is us going on a date going to help James and Lily?” struggling to understand how his thought process led him to you both going on a ‘date’

“Well it’s not just going to be us” if your confused look could grow any more than it could in that moment it did “It’s going to be a double date with the two of them”

You lean back on the wall behind you, crossing your arms as you look back up at him “Sirius?”

“Yeah?” he smiles like he doesn’t realise his plan had one pretty obvious flaw

“You do realise that the point of the plan was to get them, together right? I mean if we could go on a double date with them then our problems would already be solved?”

“Yes love, there’s more so let me finish” you give him a sceptical look “Please I promise it’s a better plan than you think, I have thought this through” he convinces

“Fine” you give in

“You told me that they needed an excuse to be around each other civilly even try to coax them into something romantic” you nod slowly “Well, you know my reputation so wouldn’t it make sense that when you run off to tell Lily that I asked you to Hogsmeade this weekend you only agreed if she could come too because you were nervous?” Sirius tries his best not to smile as he sees the cogs turn in your head

You go to argue his plan but stop thinking about it, that might actually work in some chaotic Sirius type of way, “So the four of us go on a double date and while we pretend to be on said date we make some opportunity to leave them alone to talk to one another?” you look up to make sure you got the plan right

“Exactly darling, its good isn’t it?” he wiggles his eyebrows

You roll your eyes “it’s okay” you shrug pursing your lips as you try not smile

“Okay” he leans down, making your head jerk back a bit “Only okay?”

You sigh “It’s a surprisingly good plan” you admit

“Thank you” he stands back up straight, happy with your tinting cheeks “Great it’s time to set the plan in motion, especially now you’re all cute and flustered” he winks at you before gesturing for you to follow him back into the library, as you follow beginning to blush more at him calling you ‘cute’

You looked over at Lily as she read her book on her bed, sighing for probably the hundredth time, trying to figure out exactly how you were going to word this. Although it turned out your nervous sighs and constant glances at her seemed to work in your favour as Lily brings up the subject for you, huffing as she closes her book, swinging her legs around to face you

“Okay you have been acting like this since Sirius talked to you earlier, so what is it?” she tilts her head, a part of her knowing what you could be nervous about

You lift your head up, moving to sit facing her from your own bed, realising you could just pretend he did ask you and tap into how you would actually react “Please don’t be mad at me” you cringe knowing that if it did happen you would worry if she would be mad you were going on a date with James’ best friend

Lily takes a breath, whatever going on in her brain confirming itself “He asked you out, didn’t he?”

“Little bit” you nod “To Hogsmeade this weekend”

“That’s great” 

“You really think so?” you perk up

“Yeah you two have been getting closer for a while it was about time” Lily shrugs smiling at you

“Oh” you smile, heart fluttering as you think you maybe have a real shot if Lily thinks so “I’m just a bit nervous” you think about what Sirius said earlier about his reputation “He’s a bit of a player, you know?”

She nods, moving off of her bed and sitting next to you “I know, but you both have been getting closer over the last year if he only had that as his intention he would have given up by now, right?”

You nod as you peer up at her, unable to help yourself “You know who else hasn’t given up yet either” 

“This isn’t about me” she gives you a pointed look, to which you raise your hands in defeat

You smile timidly at her as you get ready to break the news “Small thing” you chuckle nervously “I might have slightly roped you into going as well”

“What do you mean?” she asks hesitantly

“I was nervous about going out with him alone so he suggested a double date kind of thing and I said yes because I really do want to go out with him” the weird thing was as you spoke to her you didn’t have to lie, even if the truth was bended a bit you really did want to go on a date with him even if it was fake

“Let me take a wild guess who the fourth person will be” she sighs closing her eyes

“I’m sorry Lily” you apologise

“It’s fine, I’ll do it…” she opens her eyes before pointing at you “…but only because I love you”

“Thank you” you pull her into a hug, as she hugs you back you look up at her “You never know you might have…”

“Don’t push it” she warns, both of you breaking out in giggles

Meanwhile, Sirius was sitting on his bed waiting for James to get back from detention, as he leaned on the head board he got Remus’ attention “Moony?”

“Yeah Pads” the boy replies but doesn’t stop reading keeping his eyes on his book

“What’s a Cheshire cat?” he asks thinking back to what you said earlier

This seems to get Remus’ attention as he sits up “Where did you learn that from?” he looks at him confused it wasn’t everyday Sirius came to ask about muggle things, let alone something from muggle literature

“Y/n said it earlier, she said you were all grinning at her like Cheshire cats?” he shrugs puzzled

Remus lets out a small laugh before he hums in recognition “It’s from a muggle children’s book called Alice in Wonderland, there’s a cat in it which has a constant grin on his face…” he sits up “…Actually give me a minute I’m sure I have the book here somewhere” Remus leans over his bed hanging off it as he looks under it searching for the book

Sirius chuckles at his friend before turning to the door as James enters the dorm “Prongs, finally” he scoots forward on the bed “I have some very exciting news” he rubs his hands together

“If it’s you asked out y/n then we know it was pretty obvious from her flushed…oww...flushed cheeks and your cheshire grin” Remus calls out his voice strained as he’s practically hanging upside down as he looks under his bed, cursing as he hits his head when his hand slips

“One, that is technically a part of the news but there is more which concerns old prongsey here. Two, don’t use terms I don’t understand yet and three, Moony for the love of Godric just get off the bed your gonna make your head explode” Sirius huffs but his tone morphs into concern near the end, well more of an amused concern but concern none the less

“I am not going to…fuck” Remus attempts to answer before falling head first off of the bed landing with a small thump “Oww”

“You okay man?” James calls out as he and Sirius look at each other with cringing expressions

“Yeah” he calls back as Sirius and James can’t help but chuckle a bit

“So, what was the news for me” James turns to Sirius, sitting on the edge of his own bed facing him, both ignoring Remus’ small groans

“Oh” Sirius looks at him eagerly “Well y/n was a bit nervous to go on the date herself so I suggested a double date”

“A double date with who…” James extends the last word as his eyes blow wide “Lily?”

“The very one” Sirius gives him a toothy grin

“Oh merlin” James stands up smiling like a mad man “When’s the date?”

“Next Hogsmeade trip so Saturday” Sirius replies

James nods happily before looking at Sirius for conformation “She’s agreed right, like Lily knows it’s me?”

“Yes” he nods

“Oh my god” James breaths out “Where’s Wormtail?” he looks around the dorm

“Kitchens…yes!…oww” Remus answers, cheering as he finds the book before hitting his head as he comes out from under the bed “Got it” he smiles holding the book up before sighing, there was really a better way of doing that, maybe I shouldn’t keep them all under the bed

James looks at Remus confused not understanding the context behind the situation so he turns back to Sirius muttering a quick ‘bye, I’ll bring back celebratory food’ as he runs out the dorm to blab presumably to Wormtail about the good news

“Your head alright?” Sirius asks as Remus walks over to him flicking through the pages

“Yeah, I’m pretty much invincible at this point” he chuckles a bit, finding the page and handing it to Sirius “That’s the Cheshire cat” he points to it

Sirius’ smiles taking it from him before a look of horror appears on his face “That’s terrifying and that’s a children’s book! Merlin muggles are weird what they trying to do scar their children” he shakes his head quickly shoving the book back trying get the image out of his brain, before huffing as he crosses his arms “I did not look like that earlier”

You were waiting for Lily to come out of the bathroom so you looked at yourself in the mirror, adjusting your outfit out of nerves. You knew it wasn’t a real date but that didn’t make you any less nervous nor excited for it. While in class, you both had discussed what to do on the date, deciding to all head to the three broom sticks first for some lunch and drinks then walk around the shops afterwards knowing Lil needed to get someone from Tomes and Scrolls. While talking about how you were going to act Sirius suggested you both act as you would on a normal date to which you agreed knowing that on your side it’s going to look pretty realistic

Smiling you turn around seeing Lily exit the bathroom through the mirror “Ready?” you ask

“As I’ll ever be” she jokes leading the way out of your dorm

As you walk down the stairs to the common room, Sirius and James are leaning on the couches as they wait. James spots you and Lily first standing up straighter as he runs his hand through his hair, Sirius looks up at his friend standing up himself as he looks over to see you and Lily walking up to them, you got this Sirius, he thinks as his eyes quickly scan your appearance. Sure, he should have been more preoccupied with helping his friend but as he saw you all he could hope for is this fake date goes so well he might just get a real one

“Hi Lily” James smiles brightly at the girl

“James” Lily nods before looking between you and Sirius as you greet him

“Hi Sirius” you fiddle with your hands a bit under his gaze

“Hey y/n” he smirks “You look beautiful love, although don’t you always” he winks

You can’t help but blush, muttering a meek ‘thank you’ as James speaks “We should get going, Lily” he gestures for her to go first, to which she gives a small smile which made the boy turn back and cheese at the two of you

“Ready love” Sirius holds out his arm

“Ready” you link it with his letting him lead you out

Entering the three broomsticks, you all look around trying to spot a free booth, soon Lily points one out in the corner gesturing for you to follow her over. Sirius says he and James will get the drinks while you sit down and for the first time since you left the common room he unlinks your arm from his giving you a smile before heading to the bar. As you walk towards the booth you feel colder without Sirius’ arm instantly missing the contact, little did you know he was feeling the same way.

You sit down across for Lily so she’ll have to sit next to James although if you were being honest you just wanted to be as close to Sirius as possible. You look up at the boys as they chat with the girl tending the bar, before turning back to Lily as she taps your foot under the table

“Nervous?” She asks

“Little bit” you nod giving her a small smile

“I think he really likes you by the way” she whispers, taking a quick glance to check the boys weren’t headed back yet

“Really?” you lean forward also checking

“Yeah he couldn’t keep his hands off you the whole way here” she looks up “Here they come you’ll be fine gal” she gives you a reassuring squeeze to your hand before leaning back in her seat

“Four butterbeers” Sirius announces as he places yours and his on the table, slipping into the booth next to you as James does the same with Lily

You all take some sips, before looking over at Lily who has a foam moustache “Lils you got a little” you gesture to your face

“Oh” she blushes turning her face away from James as she clears it off, to which James smiles down lovingly at her thinking that was so cute

“You’ve got some too love” Sirius looks does at you chuckling a little, as you go to wipe it off Sirius stops you “Let me” he says taking the pad of his thumb swiping it over your upper lip before placing it in his mouth licking off the foam, smirking at your little gasp and flushed appearance

Meanwhile Lily and James look at each other for a moment, both with knowing smiles at the scene, the latter coughing a little to draw your attentions back. You and Sirius turn back to them, you trying to regain some composure while Sirius just smiles to himself as James starts a conversation

“So” James starts thinking what to say before remembering what happened in the dorm with Remus “Pads, why was Remus looking for that book?” he asks

“Book?” Lily looks up asking, to which James ignores Sirius as he was about to answer deciding this was his time to shine

“Right, so I came back from…” he hesitates before just being honest “…detention the other day, to Remus with his arse in the air leaning over the bed looking under the bed for something” you and Lily start giggling at the image while Sirius just sits back smiling eyes flicking to watch you laugh “So me and pads are just talking while he’s already hit his head once slipping trying to keep himself up, swearing he’s not going to hurt himself and as he says as such he just falls right off the bed” Even James starts laughing remembering the moment

“Aww poor Remus” Lily says trying to hold in her giggles by putting a hand over her mouth

“Anyways, he finally finds this book after hitting his head a few more times holding it up success” James pretends to hold a book loving Lily’s attention on him for once, soon he turns back to Sirius “So what was the big deal?”

Sirius freezes a second, glancing at you before he answers a tad embarrassed “Well” he scratches the back of his neck “I was asking him about this phrase I didn’t understand and he was explaining but decided to show me it from the book instead”

“What was the phrase?” Lily asks intrigued, James nodding in agreement next to her both unaware they have sub-consciously shuffled closer to each other

“Ugh” he lets out a laugh “Grinning like a Cheshire cat”

Your eyes light up, you hadn’t expected him to actually ask Remus and your heart fluttered as he looked down at you. He smiled a bit seeing your own spreading across your face before you both look back at Lily who starts talking about Alice in Wonderland although she mostly explains it to James

Returning from the bathroom, you slip back into the booth to see James and Lily talking among themselves looking quite comfortable in each other’s company

“I think this is going rather well” Sirius leans down speaking quiet enough only you could hear

You nod slowly turning up to look at him, eyes widening at how close you are “Umm” you take a breath “Yeah, they seem to be getting along better than I thought”

“Well I did give James some do’s and don’ts before we left out dorm this morning” he chuckles a little

“Lilly spent the whole morning doing her hair and picking an outfit so she looked perfect” you smile turning your head ever so slightly to see your friend and James interacting

While you observe James and Lily, Sirius’ eyes trace over every feature of your face eventually landing on your parted lips, wondering to himself what it would be like kiss them. He reluctantly draws his eyes away as he hears James

“I’m gonna go to the bar and order us some food what do you two fancy?” he asks unable to stop smiling, you glance at Lily raising an eyebrow as she can’t stop smiling either

“I’ll have a burger and chips” Sirius replies as he slithers his arm around your waist “What do you fancy darling” he squeezes your waist making you let out a small gasp

“umm I’ll have the same” you quickly answer, smiling shyly at James as Sirius smirks at your reaction

As James walks away you, Sirius and Lily talk among yourselves, as time passes you lean into Sirius’ touch getting comfortable with him only removing his arm to eat before its right back around your waist again. Yours and his hearts are flutter with every little smile, touch and glance you share slowly forgetting the real reason you both are on the double date in the first place

“Hey can we head to Tombs and Scrolls?” Lily turns to ask as you all walk through the streets of Hogsmeade

“Of course!” James says right away hand brushing with hers as they walk in line with you and Sirius

“Sure Lils” you say as Sirius nods next to you

Sirius nudges James into Lily, making their hands clash, resulting in Lily intertwining her hand with his, to which James begins to smile brighter than the sun itself. He then presses a kiss to the side of your head making you smile up at him, biting your lip as you both continue to walk. Seeing your reaction, he glides his arm around your waist pulling you into him, making you giggle. James and Lily look over at your giggle smiling at one another then back at you both, James giving Lily’s hand a little squeeze.

Soon you approach the shop, stopping outside it as Sirius turns to James and Lily “Why don’t you two head in, we’ll hang out here” he suggests hugging you a little tighter

“Sure, come on Jamie” Lily says before her eyes widen

“What did you just say?” James looks down at her in mild shock, you and Sirius stare as well but more in an amused way almost certain you may witness James have a heart attack

“I said come on James” she corrects dragging him the store

You and Sirius chuckle together hearing James continuing to question it as the door to the shop closes. Stepping back, you both take a seat on the wall across from the store

“You really do have the best plans” you nudge him

“Well I can’t take all the credit, you were the one with the idea I just came up with the means to execute it” He wraps his arm around your shoulder “…and I must say it is being executed flawlessly”

You smile, leaning into his chest “Sure is, they’re holding hands, smiling and blushing, she even slipped up and said Jamie” your smile drops a bit as you look up at him “Although she is going to be mad when she finds out it was a set up” you scrunch up your nose

Sirius nods slowly as he meets your eyes, looking into them he decides to take a chance. You had been leaning into his touches all day, smiling and laughing with him, so either you were an amazing actress or you felt the same way he did. Either way he had to know

“Maybe we don’t tell them” he proposes

You tilt your head chuckling a bit “So we just keep going on fake dates with them indefinitely?”

“Or maybe the next one isn’t pretend?” he looks down at you, his expression earnest hope in his eyes

Your lips part looking up at him, did he just? You bite your lip for a second before a small smile appears on your face “Or maybe we were never pretending?” now it was your turn to look at him with hope

A smile breaks across Sirius’ face whispering “Not for a single moment” as he leans down slowly, your face mirrors his, tilting your head as you lean up gently capturing his lips

You pull away a few moments later, both unable to stop smiling “Who’s the Cheshire cat now?” he teases making you giggle as he cups your face bringing you in for another kiss

Unbeknownst to you a small crowd watches from the window of Tomes and Scrolls

“They thought they were being so slick” Lily shakes his head

“I know they really thought they could outsmart us love” James wraps his arm around Lily’s waist

“I will give it to them their plan was pretty good” Remus adds leaning over James shoulder

“But ours was better” Lily grins

“And the orginal” James adds, earning hums from Lily and Remus

“I have to give it to you prongs” Remus pats his friends back “it’s impressive you went weeks without announcing you two were together to the world, but did you have to be so annoying?”

Lily giggles as James huffs elbowing Remus “Hey, I had to pour my frustrations somewhere and it worked” he gestures to you and Sirius kissing

“Wait I’m confused” Peter looks between them all utter bewildered

“Oh yeah” James puts his hand over his mouth “Me and Lily got together around the start of the year but we didn’t tell anyone since she wasn’t quite ready yet...” he kisses Lily head to which earns a smile for her and the other two boys even if Peters is still laced with confusion “...and since we were together we noticed Sirius and Y/n always making eyes at each other and once we heard them complaining about us when they were walking to class when they didn’t realise we were there” James starts to explain

“So, Jamie came up with the idea of pushing them closer together by us complaining more so they had something to talk about, although, we didn’t expect them to try and set us up” Lily continues

“But that worked to our advantage, exhibit A” James nods his head at the window

“Oh, but wait, how did Moony know?” Peter nods before turning Remus

“I walked in on them once plus they needed my help to make sure neither you or Sirius saw them on the map” he explains “Oh, and she knows about the map”

“And Moonys furry little problem” James adds with Remus nodding next to him “Sorry mate we would have told you but you can’t hold your water” he apologises

Peter goes to argue before nodding and accepting it “Actually that’s...that’s pretty fair” 

“Are we ever going to tell them?” Remus asks looking out of the window

“I say we save it until their wedding, it’ll make one hell of a story for the speech” James grins

“Sounds like a plan” Lily says, the others nodding next to her before she looks up at James “We should get back out there”

“Yeah, you know, now they are a thing we should so do this again, double dates are really fun” He grins as they both say ‘bye’ to Remus and Peter as they head out the door

You and Sirius had already broken apart, talking among yourselves as you looked at each other lovingly. Both looking over as you hear the door open seeing James and Lily walking out still holding hands.

“You two coming? We were thinking of going to Honeydukes” Lily says to which you and Sirius nod hopping off of the wall

You and Sirius follow behind them watching as James snakes his arm around Lily’s waist, he looks down at you smiling as he says “We are genius’” wrapping his arm around you

“Masterminds” you smile back both blissfully unaware

[elysianslove]

eHm can you pls write some fluffy iwaizumi mini hcs?

can i ever,,, ugh yes. suna’s version here! 

↬ when the two of you first started dating, iwaizumi didn’t kiss you for a very long time. at first it seemed like he was just hesitant, or being respectful, trying to let you set the pace for intimacy instead. he admitted later to you, though, that he hadn’t had his first kiss yet, and it wasn’t that he wasn’t sure about sharing it with you, it was more that he was so sure that he wanted you to be his first that he couldn’t afford any mess up. he was shy. to his relief, you didn’t rush him at all, and instead found different ways to show your affection to him. 

↬ which leads to my point of iwaizumi adoring cheek kisses. for a good couple of months, you still hadn’t shared your first kiss, so you resorted to similar displays of affection, like cheek kisses. he found himself so comfortable with the feel of you reaching up, leaning on his shoulder with both hands as you press a kiss to his cheek. it’s his favorite public display of affection. because of its significance (in relation to your respect towards him, and the fact that you’d gone out of your way to find different ways to show your affection), cheek kisses hold a special place in his heart. nothing makes his heart beat as fast as when you grab his jaw in a fit of happiness and press a long, wet kiss on his cheek. against all odds, it makes him smile a smile unlike any other, and the blush that taints his cheeks and spreads along his nose and to the tips of his ears is a gift on its own. 

↬ wait that reminds me!! iwaizumi cannot lie, like whatsoever. if it’s very, very necessary, like to protect his friends or to cover for them or to protect a surprise planned, then maybe. but otherwise, he’s very obvious. now it’s more obvious to people closer to him than others, because if you focus enough, his ears tend to twitch a little when he’s lying, and it’s literally the cutest thing ever. because he’ll have this very serious face on, trying to spew out a lie, and then his ears twitch and he’s done for. 

↬ iwaizumi is a really good gift giver, because no one pays attention the way he does. and even if he barely knows anything about the person, he somehow can pick out something they like very well. his gifts tend to be more sentimental, and when it comes to receiving, he’s so bad at — saying thank you? at receiving them? he just gets all red and fidgety and starts saying things like, “you really shouldn’t have,” and, “why would you spend your money on me?” please someone sugar mama/daddy him.

↬ it doesn’t matter if you can drive or not, iwaizumi will never ever let you. he insists on driving, no matter how tired he is. he always plays your favorite music, and he talks to you the whole ride. like he loves to have you leaning close to him on your elbow, chin tucked in your palm, and the two of you are just chatting. 

↬ which leads me to this: iwaizumi loves your voice. he can hear you talk for hours, genuinely. maybe it stems from the fact that he prefers to listen, but really, you can find him at any point in time, at any hour of the day, listening to you speak. he loves to come home to you and listen to you tell him about your day as you two eat, or calling you in the middle of the day just to check in on each other, or having you send him voice notes instead of text messages, or videos instead of pictures. he just loves to hear you, in general. it genuinely elicits this really warm feeling in his chest that he can never get enough of. 

↬ if you wear makeup often, iwaizumi loves to take it off for you. he spends a lot of time watching you when you’re both doing your nightly routines, so at some point, he just asks if he can do it for you instead. he wants to practice, he says, so that one day you can leave it completely up to him. he finds it so intimate, the vulnerability and trust of it all. he’s seen you without makeup, of course, and he thinks you’re really beautiful with and without it, but there’s nothing purer to his heart than the trust you put in him to let him take your makeup off for you. he’s really gentle at first, because there’s this irrational fear that he’s gonna hurt you somehow. if you wear fake lashes, he literally winces as he takes them off it’s adorable. but after he’s wiped it all off, and grabs a damp towel to wash off the excess and the residue, he just leans over and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose or to your lips and smiles softly. 

↬ iwaizumi is a sucker for the little domestic moments the two of you share. it literally might be his favorite thing ever. like the two of you washing the dishes together, you’re cleaning and he’s drying? or doing the laundry together? or cleaning up your messy room together, and each of you grab the ends of the blanket and lift it up to spread it over the mattress neatly? or grocery shopping together, with him trying to ignore the incredibly unhealthy choices you’ve decided to toss into the shopping cart? or him passing by your work as he comes home from his to take the two of you together? or renovating your home together, and you’re covered in paint and dust? or ordering breakfast as you lay in bed because you’re too lazy, and then eating said breakfast still in bed because you’re still lazy? or the way you walk into the bathroom while he showers to wash your face and brush your teeth and the two of you just talk? or the random pictures you send him throughout the day, maybe of a weird cloud or a pretty sunset, with a little smiley face after? or the way his family loves you, so much? the way his mother personally texts you to check in on you, to tell you to come over, to just catch up? because you’re a part of the family now? 

in conclusion, hajime wants to marry you. 

↬ he loves building things for you. like iwaizumi loves the way you just hand him the instruction manual exasperated, and he just sighs with a grin and sits by you. he’s so good at it too! and he always does it shirtless too. it’s mostly for your viewing pleasure :) 

↬ when you two go on vacation, iwaizumi’s  always setting rules like “we need to be up by 7 am to enjoy the day” and sets alarms and all, but sleeps through all of them. you end up the only one awake. he’s just on vacation mode <//3 

↬ always puts your phone in the charger if you forget before you sleep. 

↬ iwaizumi becomes cuddlier after he falls asleep. like he lets you cuddle up to him as you’re both falling asleep, but when you wake up before him, you literally won’t be able to get up, because he’s going to be half on top of you. and if you try to wake him up, he just sticks more to you. it’s so endearing, really it is, because he looks so adorable with his cheek squished to your chest like that, and his mouth slightly parted. not when it’s a battle between you and your bladder though </3

↬ loves wearing your thighs as ear muffs. like iwaizumi adores just having you lay there, and him coming around to lay between your legs, slinging them over his shoulders and locking your ankles. can literally lay there for hours. 

↬ if you ask for socks because your feet are cold, he’ll give you his. don’t ask him why he just does. 

↬ loves to hug you after a very long day. like he just groups you in his arms and holds you there as you go, “long day?” and he replies, “yeah.” then he asks, “long day?” and you go, “yeah.” and the two of you just stand there for a while, before he kisses the top of your head and leads the two of you to get into comfier clothes. 

↬ he prefers showering with you over baths, just cause he likes to get on his knees as you’re scrubbing at his hair and kissing your tummy. he doesn’t know why he loves it as much but he does, especially the way you laugh after. it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love baths as well, especially if he’s extremely tired. there is the issue of convincing him to get out, but just drain the water and watch the goosebumps raid his skin and he’ll leave. 

↬ loves it when you sit on his lap when you’re in public, especially in gatherings with a lot of his friends. he doesn’t do it out of possessiveness or jealousy, he just likes it when you’re so open and comfortable about everyone knowing you’re with him, as his partner and significant other. nothing having to do with insecurity either. he just loves it. loves the way you lean into him, and the way your waist feels against his hand, and the way you talk in slightly hushed tones to each other. 

↬ basically, when iwaizumi loves, he loves with his entire heart <3 

this literally made my entire day, i loved writing these so much. iwa has such a special place in my heart i love him so much <333 also i hope everyone enjoys these as well; love you all, mwah <333 

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Dating Jason Todd would include

-YOU ARE LITTLE PRECIOUS BUNNY I SWEAR YOU BRING OUT THE SOFTEST PART OF THIS BROKEN MAN

-like this dude will literally let you get away with ANYTHING and no one better stop you

-“Hey Jay I just robbed a bank and took a lollipop from that kid next door.”

-“Aww you’re so cute, Doll. Let me put out this cigarette and I’ll help you count the money, okay?”

-“Jay, Dick said I can’t have anymore ice pops!!! I really want some, it’s not fair!!”

-“ He said what?! hOld On iM gEtTinG mY Gun nO OnE TelLs mY lItTle Babe sHe caNt haVe anY iCe popS.”

-wearing his thick leather jackets that smell like cigarettes and expensive scotch 

-Stealing his 1/16263819827 Red hoods and waddling around the house while he’s out on patrol

-“Hey I’m RedHood and I have DaDdY IssUes, prepare to diEee!!! *pew pew*”

-“is that how I sound to you?! Because I don’t *pew pew* I *brrraaatratratatataaa* get it correct Y/N”

-Your tough edgy boyfriend 

-If he has an off day, he’ll take you on a ride on his motorcycle to wherever you want to go. If it’d make you happy, he’d drive to Paris for you if he could.

-You guys usually end up drifting by the waterside, taking in the longing smell of the sea, feeling the subtle warmth of the setting sun and melting into the welcoming breeze

-There’s this really good Sandwich stand by the oceanfront and you guys always get a large one, and share it with a nice cold bottle of Coke. There’s also this really nice private beach that you two have no business being on, you guys would sometimes just sit on one of the lifeguards stands for a while and just enjoy each other 

-“Hey Jay Jay?”

-“What’s up, Love bug?

-“Your eyes have a hint of Aqua Green in them. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wanted you to know that, that’s all.”

-IN HOME CONCERTS EVERY SATURDAY AND OR FRIDAY. 

-every week you guys make a list of your favorite classics and you build a Spotify playlist and dance around the house screaming *cough* I-i mean singing on the top of yalls lungs.

-weird adventures around the city! Like you guys sometimes go to weird parts of the city to see some weird crap to laugh about later on. 

-“Why is he wearing a tutu and dirty socks-“

-“keep walking baby girl don’t question it.”

-monthly movie nights where you guys watch a movie that has crappy 1 star reviews while eating a bunch of unhealthy garbage all night.

-“but why did he do that?”

-“according to ‘moviecridictbooiiii12’, he’s an uncultured swine who has no Character development, 1/10 trash person totally.”

-If you guys are just sitting in a comfortable silence, just cuddling, he might open up a bit about his childhood or maybe talk a bit about how he’s feeling. But that’s a rare rare occasion he doesn’t like talking much about it.

-This sometimes can cause a bit of a rift because it almost feels as if there’s a lack of trust but you understand he’s been through a whole lot and if it were you, you’d probably be the same way

-he does not like pills in the house but if you have health issues and have to take them, he won't crucify you because of it, but he will monitor you and make sure there is no drug abuse. He wants to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. He doesn't wanna lose you that way.

-He’s a depressed crackhead 

-“Hey Y/N, can you tell me what’s in the drawer in the kitchen. The one next to the sink”

 -“Hmm? There’s nothing in here Jason.”

-“Nothing you say? Just like my relationship with Bruce haha.”

-“Are you okay?”

-“No I am not and neither is my sleep schedule.”

-Oh yeah this Poor boy barely sleeps. Mainly because he’s out on patrol all night and when he finally gets home, he’s being called back out. Or sometimes he’s just so restless thinking about everything he needs to do. Other times he’s just scared to sleep.

-Yeah he’s pretty reluctant to go to sleep. He’s scared to have a bad dream and wake up in a vulnerable state. Or to accidentally wake you up from tossing and turning and wails of agony.

-You lost a lot of hours of sleep already do to comforting him at night so as much as he can function without a nights rest, he’ll do it to spare you

-You hate when he does this because you actually don’t mind comforting him, it makes you feel like he trusts and can rely on you.

-nightmares about the joker or the pit. Cryinggg this boy is really traumatized

-“Shhh, Jason it’ll be alright. I’m right here love.”

-Even though he avoids sleep at all costs, this doesn’t stop him from napping on the recliner or at the kitchen table from time to time.

-He’s a bit self destructive with drinking, smoking, betting himself up, not sleeping or eating properly. You really have to help him and work with him. Be patient and kind pLz.

-He doesn’t like exposing you to the stuff he does, he doesn’t like you seeing all the gore or what not so he doesn’t try to come home bloody much actually. He might stop at dicks house or some other friend’s house to clean up a bit before coming to you

-Todd doesn’t like you to see and be around all that. He wants to keep that life very very separate, he even tries to keep the news off and away from you. Although you already know and if it bothers you it not, it’s not much you can do to stop him.

-The only time you might see him bloody or hurt is when he can’t make it to a friends house and he needs you to patch him up and put him to bed quickly.

-argurmentssss

-Yeah you guys do little annoying antics back and forth but it’s not something super crucial. The only time where it heats up is like if something he’s doing really really bothers you, like his killings or if he does something super reckless. The arguments usually end up with

- “I’m sorry Doll, I’ll do better for you.”

- “Sorry JayBird, I wasn’t being fair” 

-The worst an argument had ever gotten was when he didn’t come home for weeks without telling you he was out on a mission and you were scared out of your mind and ended up cursing him out for scaring you. 

-You didn’t talk to him for about a week and he was a wreck

-“JASON DONT YOU DARE TRY TO KISS ME OR HUG ME I THOUGHT YOU WERE F*CKING DEAD OR WORSE! YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME SOMETHING LIKE I LITERALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW I COULDN'T SLEEP FOR WEEEKS JASON I WAS WORRIED SICK-“

-“Hey, it’s okay Y/n- I’m here no-“

-“NO IT'S NOT LITERAL I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE, GET AWAY FROM ME.”

-He cannot stand when he breaks your heart or makes you upset like he beats himself up a whole lot. He will apologize to you and do anything to make it up.

-“Stupid Todd? How can you upset the one person that seems to be so patient and loving to you? Ugh you idiot.”

-yeah he literally kissed up to you for months he felt so bad even after you apologized for overreacting and told him he didn’t need to do anything 

-Yeah speaking of kissing up to you, he Buys you anything you want just ask. Looking at that super nice outfit in the mall? Check your room, it’s on your bed with a cute little note. Want an ice cream sundae? Yeah he got extra fudge/caramel for his princess. 

-He just loves you like so so much he doesn’t care what you look like, how big or how skinny, how light or how dark you are. He literally adores you and wants to protect you with all his heart. He’d buy the whole world for you.

-“Jason, literal listen to me. 600 dollars for a charm bracelet I liked in the mall is too much, go return it”

-he’s a bit overprotective with you. Not in a “HEKDJEHEHEHINEEDTOKNOWWHEREYOUAREATALLTIMESSENPAI.”  Kind of way but in a like “Check in every once in a while will ya babe? I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

-He doesn’t let you go outside after a certain time for ANYTHING unless it’s an emergency. It’s too dangerous in Gotham for you to be out scrolling going to a convenience store at 10pm at night. So if you need something from the store he’ll go get it for you or already have it in the house.

-Will 100 throw hands for you

-actually makes sure you can defend yourself and trains you a bit every month to make sure if trouble comes and he’s not there, you can protect yourself

-Intimacy

-Honhonhon. Although what many believe Jason has a high sex drive and wants it a lot or what not. I don’t think it’s 100% true

-I believe that like if his partner wasn’t the type of person who wanted it, or didn’t feel comfortable with it, he’d be okay with it. Like he doesn’t need it to survive although you look hecking good in that outfit today

-I feel like he’d be more kissy and rough touching than the full 100 yards with a more soft/standoffish sexually significant other. 

-Yeah if he gets from a stressful mission or just needs to feel you, he’s gonna wanna kiss and touch on you but if you’re not into all that then like he’d back off because he respects you enough 

-neck kisses and thigh kisses 

-“jaybirdy I wanted to wear that new skirt I got yesterday, now I got your bites all over my legs.”

-he's a totally Dom and that’s on that period boo

-dAdDy KiNk I’m sorry

-His voice somehow becomes super raspy when he’s aroused?!?!

-He will tease you to a point you moan out his name and then turn around and act innocent 

-“let’s watch Frozen! What’s with that face dear? You didn’t think I’d let you have it that easily now did you?”

-*wears anything short*

-”WOOOOO DAMMNNNN Y/NNNNNN LOOKING FOINE TODAY I SEE YOU! CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER?!?! YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S DAMN LUCKYYY!”

-Highkey finds it so hot when you sit on his lap like damn it feels so nice to him like you know you’re his and that’s like arousing to him. Will play with the hem of your skirt if your wearing them and your thighs aren’t safe

(Anyways I ain’t trynna make this NSFW but I might do a little something for my 200 follower special)

-On a softer purer note, you guys are like the roasters of the fam, okay! Like no one is safe, especially Damian.

-“Tch- Todd and his little pet.”

-“Dami, didn’t know you’d be here, and apparently your hairline didn’t know either.”

-*Jason, Tim and Dick were dying*

-“Hey you little accident, why you standing like that, you look like you’re bout to enlist in the army.” 

-“shut up Todd, at least I have good posture unlike you.”

-“Hey leave Damian alone, Jason. Dami just has a pole in his ass that makes him stand in first position all the time. It’s a serious condition, y’all need to stop laughing.”

-“Hey Selina! Your Sugar Daddy is in the kitchen, try not to steal anything though because he might cut down your weekly allowance.”

-“Haha Y/N and yours is in the living room getting drunk, careful he might end up with me tonight.”

-“Hmm, a gold digger and a cougar? Wow you got your careers set don’t ya! Ooops you should check in the mirror tho! I think your Botox is drooping.”

-yAlL CAnT sTop ROaStinG PeOpLe anD it’S wOrse When yaLls DruNk

-You’re actually pretty close to The BatFam and like Bruce Adores you he thinks you’re a wonderful influence on Jason like you changed him a lot. Dick sees you as a baby sister and like he literally baby’s you so much it’s sad. Tim and you like to joke around a bit and talk you guys get along decently. Although Damian would NEVER admit it, he actually is kinda fond of you even though you guys insult each other. He might stab someone for like hurting you or something. But watch your back because he might stab you as well.

-going to Bruce’s Galas and charity events like by force. 

-“yYyyYYyyY/NnnNnNnNiEeeeEEee PLEaSE COmeEeeee sO iWOnT DrInk MySelF ouT oF tHeRe!!!”

-“Jason let go of my leg.”

-You don’t actually mind it too much, you’ve made some nice connections and plus it’s a little date night with Jason so Win Win!!

-He actually wears a nice Tux and styles his hair real nicely. Might even be wearing that nice watch Bruce gave him a long time ago on his birthday.

-*sniff sniff* is that Cologne? *sniiiiiiffffffff* *HIGHLY* Expensive cologne he’s wearing?! And *pat pat* HAIR GEL OH BOIIII

-He actually picks out a dress for you to wear. One he’s been dying to see you in. The super expensive one he found while shopping with Dick and Bruce one day.

-If some rich guy try’s flirting with you, it’s over for them. Jealous Todd Mode activated!

-“Doll Face, I found you. Love wandering off don’t you babe? When we get home, I’ll make sure you won’t want to wander off again,” He kisses into your ear hungrily “wHo’s tHiS, Y/N? Is he bothEriNg yOu?” He asks like he didn’t see him there

-“No but Jason you are.“

-“:o”

*later*

-“I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG Y/N!! HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU AND I HAD TO INSERT MY DOMINANCE.”

-“JAY HE WAS A BUSINESSMAN LOOKING TO INDORSE ME AND MY WORK! YOU JUST EMBARRASSED ME AND MADE HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE!! LITERALLY NOW HE THINKS I HAVE AN OVER POSSESSIVE BOYFRIEND.”

-“oh-“

“YEAH ‘oH’! serIouslY I CanT stAnd yoU.”

-Jason’s drinking and smoking. Let’s just say you’re not the biggest fan of it because of his health, you’re so worried about it. He’s already taking shots and stabs but like the drinking and smoking on top of that? You’re worried about him

-You always voice your concern and he’s never too phased and he’s always like 

-“Don’t worry L/N, I’ll be okay. If this kills me, don’t let Dick take my meat stash in the freezer. Tell him I’m coming back to life in like 3 months give or take and I’ll be hungry for steak.”

-Actual best boyfriend! Like if you’re insecure about anything he’ll make you feel so much better, in every way possible. He makes it so know how much he loves you it’s so sweet and super cute like I’m crying.

-makes weird faces at you randomly and it somehow gets you to laugh?!?! 

-cooks breakfast or dinner for you every once in a while but messes up a few times 

-“sorry y/n I accidentally burnt the cookies I was trying to make for you. I-I can go run and ask Alfred to make some? I know how long you’ve been waiting to have some.”

- Did I mention he’s best boi? Like ugggghhhh he’s so blind to all that superficial mess people get caught up in. You talk down about yourself and he’ll like attack you in love I swear he will. He doesn’t like the self deprecation you do. He completely detests it.

-“Say you’re ugly one more time I’ll slap you with this heart of mine. Don’t make me do it Y/N. I’ll give you so much love, the only thing you’ll be able to say is “Omg I love myself so much like damn I’m so sexy and so fine and my personality? Perfect! thanks  to my totally handsome boyfriend, I see myself so clearly now.”

-You guys Also like spend his birthday with just each other. But it’s really special to him and he always looks forward to the small marble cake you make, that has strawberries on top. He loves when you sit on his lap with your face in the crook of his neck, whispering into his skin ever so gently telling him to ‘make a wish old man’

-something about the birthdays you spend with him, brings him back to a happy place he once felt as a child. Or wanted to feel. He always wishing for the same thing…..to always see you happy

-“Jay I love you.”

-“I love you too Y/N. Remember that okay?”

(Request open)

[the-velveteen-victorian]

Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.

Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)

I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.

A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.

********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********

1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.

2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.

I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.

Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.

3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.

One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.

4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.

A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.

Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.

Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.

5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)

A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.

6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.

A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.

Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…

Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.

7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)

If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3

[spkmth]

SOME BANAL KBNZ HEADCANONS.

HOW THEY MET, BECAME FRIENDS, AND FELL IN LOVE.

•   they met as children,  during a battle in the wild area ;   piers saved raihan from some camp interlopers one evening,  and raihan’s enthusiastic gratitude,  while grating,  meant that he immediately endeared himself to piers.     they never had the chance to become rivals,  as piers’ journey got cut short when he had to become marnie’s full-time caregiver ;   but he never fell out of touch with raihan,  and they texted one another at least once a week.     when raihan left for the isle of armor,  and then for university in kalos right after,  their messages passed less and less frequently ... and when raihan returned nearly a year later,  a fully-fledged dynamax master and certified dragonkeeper,  piers could scarcely recognize him.

•   the attraction was immediate,  but it took a long while for love to grow.     as a man both in the closet and in the spotlight,  raihan couldn’t deny his physical and mental attraction to piers,  but had to stuff his feelings to save face in front of his family and his adoring fans  ( and initially out of fear that piers wouldn’t feel the same ).     for his part,  piers made his intent apparent,  but not too apparent to jeopardize their long-time friendship ;   he’d had hundreds of one-night stands,  infamously never going back for encores,  but by the time he’d cajoled raihan into bed with him,  he realized that he was going to have to break his one-and-done rule.     they hooked up pretty regularly after that,  always in secret,  always in spikemuth for raihan’s peace of mind.

•   raihan admitted to having feelings first.     piers initially thought it was a joke or a slip of the tongue ;   he’d seen the way raihan looked at leon  ( spoiler: it was the same way he looked at raihan )  and figured that their hook-ups were just for fun.     but leon is untouchable,  and piers is warm and comforting and sweet beneath the tight leather and spikes and neon colors  ——  raihan reassures him that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,  not for all the pokégram clout in the world,  and that’s when piers realizes that  holy shit this is real.

•   yes,  they are in love.     no,  it isn’t a ruse,  a front,  or some scheme to make leon jealous.     no,  they aren’t just fucking because they’re two hot guys and people on the internet like that.

RELATIONSHIP QUIRKS.

•   yes,  raihan gets on piers’ nerves sometimes,  with his constant selfies and his exuberant,  loud personality.     piers gets on raihan’s,  too ;   his non-stop partying and continuous self-deprecation get under raihan’s skin.     but they love each other anyway  ——  no love is perfect,  and they acknowledge that they aren’t perfect people,  and they don’t expect to break the mold in this regard.

•   yes,  raihan is attracted to leon.     piers is attracted to leon too.     they have a standing agreement that if it ever came up,  leon is the only person they are allowed to have a threesome with,  or sleep with one-on-one.     but raihan likes leon on a personal level,  too,  whereas piers only sees him as  happy-go-lucky champion time guy.     indeed,  piers resents leon to some degree,  due to raihan’s fixation on him ;   its fine if raihan wants his body,  but only piers gets raihan’s heart.     piers is also genuinely suspicious of leon :   the guy’s too happy ... what has rose done to him? ( i hate when people make them a happy ot3 when piers has never been in the same room as the guy. do i think they have potential? of course. the internet exists solely for things like that. but GIVE ME CONFLICT DAMN IT. )

•   they never lie to one another.     the foundation of their relationship is  honesty.     raihan is expected to hold himself to a certain set of standards in his city and around his family,  and even on his pokégram ;   the only time he can let loose and be wild is on the pitch ... and with piers.     and of course,  for piers,  punk is about shunning social norms and truly being oneself,  and piers is the dictionary definition of a punk.     he’s genuinely never lied to raihan,  not as a child and not as a grown ass man ;   in fact,  sometimes his bluntness gets him into more trouble than a lie would.     but as a couple,  their honesty has always saved them and kept them together.

•   raihan has yet to introduce piers to his parents,  even as a friend.     they’ve seen piers on tv and have made it clear that they dislike his lifestyle.     it’s a good thing they don’t use pokégram,  or else they’d see piers’ face plastered all over raihan’s feed.     none of this bothers piers :   he won’t be introducing raihan to his parents anytime soon,  either,  because wyndon prison has strict visitation rules and piers couldn’t care less.     in fact,  the only familial validation he needs is marnie’s,  and she’s given it in spades.     marnie adores raihan,  and couldn’t imagine a better partner for her dumpster fire of a brother.

•   piers loathes the idea of marriage.     its a societal construct used to declare that a relationship is Supreme and those people are off the table,  when basic human dignity and respect should be enough for that.     unfortunately for him,  raihan is a sucker for marriage,  and has his mind set on it.     someday,  raihan.

•   raihan doesn’t like piers’ drug use,  and does his best to curb it,  but won’t ask him to stop altogether.     piers is happy living a short and explosive life,  and raihan wouldn’t change that ;   he simply keeps an eye out for him and is constantly brushing up on his cpr skills,  just in case.

•   raihan is incredibly educated,  and some would argue that he is far smarter than piers ;   as a man with full tertiary education,  as well as a certification in the most dangerous pokémon type and mastery of the dynamax phenomenon,  he could talk circles around piers if he wanted to.     but raihan knows that having an education doesn’t make one  smart ;   piers is street savvy,  much more so than raihan could hope to be,  and he knows his way around a dollar better than any professor raihan ever learned from.     and marnie is a perfectly well-educated and wonderfully socialized young lady,  mostly due to her brother’s efforts ... so anyone who makes insinuations about piers’ intelligence around raihan will always end up with a fist in their face.     for his part,  though,  piers enjoys listening to raihan prattle on about the function of a dragon’s scales,  or something else he learned in school ;   its something he’d wished he’d been able to do,  something that he hopes he gets a shot at in his next life.

•   despite being a bleeding heart who loves to spout shakespeare,  raihan struggles with physical intimacy,  sexually or otherwise.     piers is a surprisingly discerning and compassionate lover,  able to tell what his partner wants at a glance,  and completely capable of fulfilling those needs without having to be asked ;   its something that raihan envies.     he’s great at displays of affection,  and boy howdy can he explain it with words,  but he doubts he’ll ever be as intuitively gifted as piers.

•   piers has never written a song about raihan.     when asked why,  he’ll say that he simply can’t put the depth and scope of his feelings into words.     he wants to,  but every time he puts the pen to paper,  it tries to spit everything out at once,  leaving incomprehensible scribbles behind.     he doesn’t have words for the ache in his chest,  the shaking of his fingers,  the simultaneous thrill and fear of being vulnerable with someone who truly cares about him ... so he writes songs about fucking the system instead.

WHO IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER AT...

•   CARING FOR THE OTHER.     they spend equal amounts of time caring for one another ;   they’re both natural caregivers who love tending to others.     raihan is much more ready to admit when he needs to be taken care of than piers is,  as piers is used to doing everything on his own and struggles to ask for help ;   but raihan is tuned into piers’ nonverbal cues well enough that he silently steps up right when piers silently gives in.     piers,  for his part,  is happy to surrender to raihan as well ;   raihan has proven time and time again that he would never intentionally hurt him ... at least,  not without a safe word. ( the concept that piers is a uwu uke who needs to be taken care of bothers me because of his apparent willingness to relinquish control, something that canon piers has some pretty clear issues with doing. he strikes me as a man who needs to be needed,  and who enjoys being a caretaker even if he’ll never admit it. the vulnerability of letting raihan take care of him, when piers has cared for others his whole life, is what attracts me to this pairing, not a hot goth boy getting railed in the ass. it isn’t that he NEEDS to be taken care of; its that he WANTS to be taken care of, by raihan. that’s good shit. and also piers isn’t a goth. )

•   COOKING.     raihan is the better cook,  but piers makes a better cup of tea.     raihan is the whip-shit at making curry ;   its probably the one thing he’s beaten leon at.     for his part,  piers’ cups of tea are as legendary as his singing,  and he has his friends’ and family’s preferences memorized.

•   SINGING / MUSIC.     piers,  purely for his understanding of musical constructs and ability to read music.   raihan can’t read music to save his soul,  but he is great at learning by ear,  and has a wonderful grasp of pitch and tone.     piers has a wider range,  but raihan has a purer voice ;   years of chainsmoking has added a distinctive rasp to piers’ voice,  but that’s one of the things that makes him famous.     the first time the public got any inkling of their closeness was a spontaneous duet at a karaoke bar  ( and surprisingly,  they were sober ).

•   FUCKING.     piers,  no contest.     he’s talented and infamous for his exploits,  and if he hasn’t tried it,  he wants to.     raihan certainly isn’t wet behind the ears,  but sex isn’t his priority ;   he likes connecting with people on an individual level,  and then a physical level if they’re compatible.     piers has the higher libido of the two,  and this sometimes bothers raihan,  partly because he wishes he had a greater sex drive and partly because he wishes piers would stop and smell the roselia with him instead of constantly trying to get him out of his clothes.

WHO DOES WHAT MORE?

•   SMOKING / DRINKING.     piers smokes way more than raihan,  and raihan prefers hookah to cigarettes.     they’re both drinkers,  but skinny little piers can drink the dragon under the table.     however,  raihan is aces at concealing his level of drunkenness until he’s beyond the point of no return ;   piers is shit at hiding it.     drunk piers is baseline horny,  sometimes happy,  sometimes angry ;   raihan is the happy / sleepy kind of drunk.     raihan is picky and prefers mixed drinks,  and piers will drink anything that isn’t cheap beer.     raihan greatly prefers drinking at home,  as he’d seen piers get roofied at a pub once and it traumatized him.

•   STAYING UP LATE.     piers is the king of the night-noctowls.     raihan is lucky to make it to midnight.

•   CHECKING THEIR PHONE.     raihan.     always raihan.     piers’ poor rotom-phone has abandonment issues from how little it’s used.

•   TOPPING / BOTTOMING.     piers is 90% power bottom and 10% service top.     he loves getting fucked and telling his lover how he wants it,  but he’s also great at pleasing his partner no matter what they want from him,  and loves taking care of his partner and making them scream.     raihan is 70% service top, 15% power top,  and 15% genuine sub.     as nice as it is to flex his muscles and use his ungodly height to his advantage,  sometimes its nice to just be taken care of.     fortunately for raihan,  piers is great at understanding nonverbal cues,  and can easily tell what mindset raihan is in without having to ask.

[xmilenavsch]

the only exception: a pat murray x fem!reader one shot

gif credit: @hollyjollyriphunter

pairing: pat murray x reader

word count: about 2,3k

warnings: none! maybe a little angst if you may see it like that & a lot of fluff!

a/n: my first fanfiction on here and my first one after literal years, haha! (bare with me for that matter) also, keep in mind that english isn't my first language, so i'm really sorry for any mistakes!

this is mainly written for & because of one of my best friends leila - leave her some love on her insta @ angelmazzello! <3

summary: y/n is a worker at the d-back's agency, as the woman for basically everything – mostly bringing the boys snacks or drinks or just for their entertainment, considering that all of them are mad obsessed with her & never fail to show her that. but for her, there's only one: the world's most angry but soft boy, patrick murray.

enjoy this fan fiction for now & don’t forget to request me stuff in the comments or via dm!

It was a sunny and hot Saturday in August, when you, Y/N, got ready for work. The Californian sun shone into your bedroom as you were getting ready, excited for the game, and excited to see your favourite team in the world in action once again. They didn't always gain as much as they may have wanted to, but you knew that they gave their best every time and how much they lived for the game.

Leaving your appartment with fast steps, getting into your car and driving to the field, the only thing you could think about though was this one specific man, who you couldn't keep out of your mind since the minute you saw him for the first time. You never really knew if he was feeling equally, but the only thing you really always knew was that the things with him were different. For better understanding: The D-Backs team is a dysfuntional team of college allumni baseball players, who never manage to close their months and who can't go a day without insulting one another so much you might think they'd hold it against each other until the end of time. But when you see them on the next day, everything's back to normal and everyhing happens all over again. You love watching them being by themselves and also their dynamic on the field. They had some kind of magic within their group that amazed you every time. Well, maybe it was just the magic that your best friend, John „Mazz“ Mazzello always tried to point out, but you really didn't care. You loved these boys. And they loved you too.

About that: They didn't just love you, they were quite literally obsessed with you. There was never a time when they saw you where they didn't whistle after you, told you how good you looked with your tied up hair and in your jumpsuit and how well you smelled when you hugged every one of them. It didn't really bother you, you in fact found it extremely funny and always told them that – even when Vinnie sort of revealed to you that all of them had a list and a bet on the go who would get you in bed first – but you still didn't care, you also had a share on that one after all. But there was still just one of them who never really was into that whole thing – it could've been no other but Pat Murray. Mazz's childhood friend, the most enthusiastic screamer on the field, who deep down just was somebody who needed and wanted a lot of love. Which you never told him of course, because those were just thoughts in your head, and you would never dare letting those out. It was too risky for you. Because you definitely didn't want to lose him. Even though you weren't the closest friends, there was always something about your bond that was different to the ones you had with the other boys. But you never knew how you were supposed to tell him that. You just couldn't. Even though you felt his stares, his gazes, his secret attention he gave to you. The little smile he made when he heard you laugh. But he also couldn't admit to himself that there could be more between you guys. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that someone so pure, beautiful, kindhearted, amazing, supportive and angelic like YOU would actually want him. HIM. The messiest person to exist. So you were stuck in your denial of wanting the other and living with it for as good as years now. And so far, this life has been really good. You were just too tired from it, which didn't make it any better. „But it is what it is! Y'know!“, something Zapata would say from time to time when they lost another game.

( OH RIGHT, Y/N is literally on her way to their next game! Back to that topic I guess. )

As you arrive on the parking lot next to the baseball field, you start your normal routine – getting out of your car and locking it, checking yourself in so you at least gain a little money from all of this, getting into the building of the D-Backs home place with their lockers and all, getting into its kitchen and getting everything they needed for the day. They had a home match, meaning they must all have been pretty nervous and maybe even scared to fail. Which is always a matter of the atmosphere within the team, which was different every time, which amazed you always. So you get their snacks and drinks, say Hi with a bright smile to everyone you cross paths with and head to your boys.

As they see you from afar, you can already just smell Palacco's grin towards you and Dells' whistles. „Well well well, look who it is! Our entertainment during our misery!“, the raven haired yelled at you. You scoff a little. „I'm also really happy to see you boys, Johnathan. And just for your reassurance: Go fuck yourself loser.“ All of them laugh at you, which just makes you roll your eyes. As you hand them their snacks, Mazz walks up to you last to get his own, giving you a kiss on your cheek. „Thanks for doing this every time Y/N, you know you're an angel“, he winks at you. You just nodd your head slightly, while looking over to the boys. After some time you just look confused at them, because one special one is missing. „Hey, has anyone seen Murray? He normally is the first one to get this snacks every time. Stress eating and all.“ Arthur just nodds at the field. „He's right there, just checking out the grass' new cut. Y'know, he likes to play specified.“ Another laugh leaves the boys' mouths. You just shake your head and walk up to him, his snacks in your one hand, the other one stuffed into the bag of your jumpsuit.

From afar you can already see his auburn hair glowing in the sun, how it matches with his red team uniform and how his light skin just looks purer than anything else you've seen in your life so far. This sight makes your heart jump into your stomach and you need some time to catch a breath, before you raise your voice a little. „Murray!“, you yell towards the man in front of you. He quickly turns around to see you and you could've sworn that there was a slight smile on his lips as he faced you. „Oh, Y/N, good afternoon. What's the matter?“ You just walk closer to him and hand him his food. „Here, you weren't with the others when I handed it out, so I just thought I'd bring it to you like this.“ He nodds his head and takes it on. „Yeah, I just wanted to check if all the lines are still on track after the grass was cut a couple of days ago. So we don't fail completely. But thanks.“ You scoff, following his eyes as they're sampling the ground. He then sighs, a sound he makes very frequently and which you were already used to hearing from him. „What's wrong Patty? You worried you guys are gonna lose today?“ He laughs a little at the nickname, but then faces you again. „Well, you know Y/N/N, I'm always worried we will. But with home matches-“ - „-it just hits different, I know“, you cut him off. „But y'know, I will be there cheering you guys on from the fence, right next to you. You guys will rock this“, you reassure him, patting his right arm a little bit with your left hand. You wouldn't be lying if you admitted that the both of you felt some type of electricity from that embrace.

He just nodds his head about what you said and actually smiles a little. „Yeah, I know that: It's always you cheering us up the most. And it's the sweetest thing ever.“ You smile hard at his words, probably harder than you should, and do you even blush a little from them or is that just the summer sun shining straight in your face? You don't really know, and maybe you don't even care. What you do care about though is when Mazz yells over to you guys so Pat comes back to the rest of the team to get ready for their game.

You know he does this every time you and Murray have a moment like this, because he doesn't want you to get hurt. Pat didn't have the best experiences when it comes to love so far in his life and because of his broken soul he sometimes makes decisions that don't only hurt him, but also his partner-at-the-time. His last relationship ended pretty bad, you were the one comforting him, already being head over heels crushing on him. But you didn't want to let your feelings in the way of him being hurt, because he was your friend and you wanted to be there for him. Now things are way different and he kind of got over the heartbreak he experienced, but you still couldn't find the guts to tell him. You just couldn't. And Mazz knew that. So every time you guys talked about it, he accepted your decision, even though he was basically the only one believing this thing between you and Murray could work. But he accepted your decision, and whatever decision Patrick would make, because you guys were his best friends and he didn't want anything bad happen to you, nor to lose either of you. So he was just there. Being the secret admirer of secret admirers.

-

As Murray and you get back to the rest of the team, you hug every single of them, wishing them the best of luck. Mazz comes last. You embrace each other the tightest, because you knew that'd give him strength. The only one you didn't hug was Pat, but you just never did that. It sort of never „fitted the vibe of your bond“, as David would say. So you just walk over behind the fence, watching the game elope.

-

From the beginning the match was an intense competition, not only between the two teams, but also between the teammembers within one. But with the D-Backs, that was normal. You were used to listen to them insulting one another in the worst ways possible, with words you didn't even think were a part of the English dictionary. But you just watched and enjoyed the whole thing.

-

After a lot of time has passed and a tie has been declared, somebody had to be chosen for the last pitch to win the whole thing – this time for the D-Backs. You nervously stand on your tip toes, waiting for a decision to be made. The referee had decided to select the performer at random. So they try to find someone, everybody in the crowd is extremely tense, just like you and the rest of your boys are, when they make a decision. „Patrick Murray, 7th, centerfield!“. You gasp loudly and a shiver runs down your spine. Oh god, this can't end well. But Pat walks up to his supposed spot with a kind of confidence you've never seen before on him, with his bat, his baby, his basical everything, standing there and waiting to hit it off. As he's waiting, he turns around a little to face the crowd, finding your face and looking you straight in the eye. You just nood at him, fingers intertwined next to your mouth, and somehow, this gives him all the strength he needs.

As the ball flies up to him, he stands on his position, waiting for the right moment.

Then he hits it.

And then he gets it.

-

The crowd and the rest of the team are cheering more than ever. They really did win! The disappointment on the faces of the opposite team were probably able to be seen in a country 10,000 miles away, but you didn't care. You just were so incredibly proud of your team and especially of your man, Murray, who practically wasn't your man yet officially, but that didn't stop him from owning your heart to the fullest. You push yourself through the cheery people, ignoring the rest of the D-Backs being all over each other, walking fastly towards Patrick. As he sees you, he drops his bat and also walks up to you, hugging you tighter then ever, which gives you more and more shivers and just lets all the adrenaline overflow you that you could ever be able to. Out of the sudden, he picks you up, making you squeak a little, spinning you around for a moment. He let's you down again, looking you straight in the eyes, you just smiling at him the brightest way possible. God, he freaking loved your smile. And from all the previous events, all the strength you had given him, he finally says the one thing you've desired to hear from him for such a long time now: „Go out with me Y/N. I mean it. As a Thank you for helping me today.“ You gasp a little, holding your breath, still having your arms around his waist. „Are you sure? You know that was only you being the talent you are just a few minutes ago.“ He scoffs. „Yeah, I know, but I'm also sure. And dead serious. Just go out with me, sweetie. You won't regret it.“

You just shake your head in agreement. You would most definitely finally go out with the man who owns your heart. And then you'll see what will happen from then on.

[meganlpie]

Confusing Feelings

Anonymous asked: Hey Meg! Can I get a Peter Quill x fem!reader? Peter comes back to Earth and sees the reader, his childhood best friend and first love? Things get a little awkward because Peter realizes he still has some feelings for the reader even though he also has feelings for Gamora.

Here you are! I do not own ANY Avengers or Guardians characters. They belong to Marvel. Also, there are ABSOLUTELY NO Infinity Wars or Endgame spoilers(I haven’t seen Endgame yet.) Basically, this is as if the last two movies don’t exist/haven’t happened yet. 

PLEASE DO NOT POST SPOILERS IN THE REPLIES OR REBLOGS! Thank you. 

Warnings: Angst and a little fluff. First time writing Quill.

Pairings: Peter Quill/Star-Lord x fem!reader, Surprise partner x fem!reader, mentions of other Guardians and the Avengers, Nick Fury.

Peter couldn’t believe how much Terra, or rather Earth, had changed since he’d been taken by Yondu. Everything was newer, shinier, and busier. Sure, compared to the technology he was used to, some of the tech was obsolete, but still. As he looked around, Peter found himself wishing he’d stayed on the ship with Groot. The teenage tree had sass a mile wide, but it was better than being assaulted with all these memories.

         While Peter wasn’t fully Terran, he’d spent his childhood here. Now that he was back, Peter couldn’t help but remember his mom. He remembered all the good times they’d had before she’d been taken from him. He remembered school and his teachers, even though he wasn’t too fond of either. And he remembered you, his best friend and first ever crush (that wasn’t a celebrity).

         Having a crush at the age of eight was different than having one as an adult. It was purer, more sweet, and there was no awkwardness. Peter reached into his pocket and felt the crumpled up note he’d kept all these years. He had written it to you one day and passed it to you during class. It read: “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” Silly, Peter knew, but back then, it didn’t matter and nothing could erase the elation he’d felt when he got the note back with a big check next to the word “Yes”.

         But things were different now. Peter hadn’t seen you since the day Yondu took him. He had no idea where you were or if you were even still alive. He didn’t know if you were married or had kids or anything. Plus, he doubted you’d even remember him. How wrong he was.

         "Can I assume that you’re Peter Quill?“ a man with an eye patch practically barked at Peter. Peter flashed his signature smirk. "That’s me. But I prefer Star-Lord in front of the others, ‘kay?” The man in front of him did not look impressed. “Nick Fury. I called you here because we have a problem. An alien problem. I was told you could handle that. My guys are good, but the last time we had to deal with aliens, it didn’t end so well for New York.” Peter nodded. “We’re your guys.”

         Fury led Peter and the rest of the Guardians, minus Groot, inside the enormous building. “The is Avengers Tower. All the information you need is here, along with your new teammates. Play nice and I won’t kick your sorry ass off my planet, got it?” Peter was about to answer when Drax spoke up, “How can one’s ass be sorry?” Peter and Rocket groaned as the group stepped into an elevator.

         When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, the Guardians were greeted by several new faces turning in their direction. A man built like an ox stepped forward first. “I hear you’re the ones going to help us with our problem. Steve Rogers,” Steve greeted, offering Peter his hand. Peter’s eyes widened. He’d heard about Captain America as a kid, but seeing him in the flesh was incredible. Peter was in awe as the rest of the Avengers introduced themselves.

         "Finally, our newest recruit, Y/F/N.“ Peter froze in place as you stepped forward. Your face held a smile that could only be described as radiant. "Y/N?” Peter asked. He couldn’t believe it was you. You looked so different, but he could still tell it was you. “Yes?” you asked, “Do I know you?” That hurt, but then again, Peter didn’t exactly look the same either and he’d been sure to introduce himself as Star-Lord.

         "It’s me…Peter Quill.“ Your eyes widened for a moment but in an instant, your arms were wrapped around Peter’s neck as you hugged him. "Oh my god, Peter! It’s really you!” Peter laughed as he returned the hug. “You guys know each other?” Natasha and Gamora asked at the same time. You nodded and smiled, pulling back from Peter.

         "Peter was my best friend growing up and…my first crush.“ Peter felt Gamora stiffening beside him. Oh yeah. In his excitement, he’d almost forgotten about the unspoken, whatever it was, between him and Gamora. Not that he didn’t have feelings for her, but seeing you again, he couldn’t help but remember his feelings for you. Still, it had been a long time. Who’s to say those feelings still existed?

*short time skip*

         They still existed. Once the briefing was over and the two of you could, you snuck away to catch up. As you talked, Peter felt those old feelings bubbling up and returning to him. You’d only become more beautiful to him. There was no way he’d be able to get you out of his system now. But what about Gamora?

         "Peter?” Peter jumped back to reality when you softly said his name. “Yeah, sorry. What?” You laughed and repeated yourself, “Is there anyone special in your life?” Peter felt his heartbeat pick up. Were you asking for a reason other than wanting to catch up? “I’m not sure.” Your brows drew together and you asked what he meant.

         "Gamora. There’s something about her. But I keep getting caught up in my feelings for someone else. I don’t know which is real and which I’m just holding on to. It’s confusing as hell.“ You laughed lightly. "I understand. Maybe you should talk to both Gamora and this other person. That would probably help in sorting out your feelings.”

         Peter turned to face you fully. Your (e/c) eyes were regarding him with such care and concern, it took him back. He hadn’t had anyone care that much since his mom died. “Y/N, I-” he was cut off by a blue and white blur racing into the room. “PIETRO!” you squealed. Peter blinked to clear his vision and saw a silver-haired man holding you bridal style. “Put me down, Piet.”

         Pietro placed you back on the floor and kissed your temple. “Who is this?” he asked, looking at Peter. “This is Peter. An old friend. Peter, this is Pietro. He’s my boyfriend who was away on his mission for far too long.” The teasing in your tone made Peter’s heart clench a little. “I apologize, Princessa. But I interrupted your conversation, no? I shall let you get back to it.” You kissed Pietro’s cheek before he sped away again.

         Peter cleared his throat while he stood up. “Actually, I need to get back to the Milano. You can never tell what that teenage plant is going to get into.” You frowned a bit, but shrugged. “Alright. It’s been good seeing you, Pete. I’m glad we get to work together.” After one last hug, you walked away to find your boyfriend, leaving Peter alone with nothing but his confusing feelings, his memories, and a crumpled up note in his pocket.

(a/n: I hope you like it! I didn’t mean for it to come out as angst.)

Tagging: @brewsthespirit-blog @esoltis280 @aikibriarrose @fizzyxcustard (If you’d like to be added to the Guardians of the Galaxy taglist, please let me know!)

[yandere-daydreams]

Yandere Toga headcanons please! (Both male and female)

The ‘Togas’ (female and genderbent) would basically act the same, so…

~Toga is a loving person, she just can’t help it. She wants to take care of people, to know them, to become them. She falls fast, but she falls hard, and her sentiment will never be a secret. And you, a kicked, dirty, bloody puppy, are the perfect candidate to receive the blunt end of her affections.

~It starts out as little more than a curiosity. You met her at a remarkable low point, much to Toga’s delight. You were beaten into the ground, and believe me, it showed. But she didn’t care. She thought you were beautiful like that, and more importantly, she wanted more. Toga’s self-aware enough to know she can’t come on too strongly, so she takes it upon herself to insert herself into your life. Impersonating one of your closest friends, frequenting the same places you do, slowly eliminating the people you could run to until you’re forced to spend time with her… it’s quick, natural, and seamless. If you even notice what’s happening, it’ll be a miracle.

~Her true colors are hard to hide, though. Even in the more platonic stages of your relationship, she pushes the boundaries of your ‘friendship’. Intimate gestures (kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, etc…) will be common, even if you seem uncomfortable. At first, you might write this off as the excitement of having a new friend, or just a fun quirk of her’s. However, she won’t leave things at innocent displays. She’ll force you into sketchy situations, ‘accidentally’ cut you from time-to-time, and push you to live a more exciting life. She likes seeing you a little ‘roughed-up’, and while it’s nice to see you recuperating her purer gestures, it’s not enough.

~Toga is unquestionably delusional. Even as you try to push her away, she’ll just ignore your complaints and move in closer. You can move to another city, curse her out, or beg another villain for help, but she’ll just pull you in for a kiss and pretend it never happened. Her sadistic tendencies (unsurprisingly) don’t make this easier. She sees you as a masochist, someone who enjoys the blade of her many knives but refuses to admit it. You could be tied down and pleading with her to stop, but she won’t give her self-imposed ideology a second thought. If you’re ‘playing hard to get’, then she’ll just have to play harder.

~Toga’s hard to read, in a few ways. She’s the kind of Yandere who can snap between ‘I love you and we’re going to start a family together’ and ‘I’m going to break all your fingers’ disturbingly quickly. You won’t be able to manipulate her, because determining what she actually wants is impossible. One day she might let you roam free, whereas she’ll leave you chained to the bed the next. She might detest the way you look at other people, but wear someone else’s face to get some love out of you. Just trying to pin down her mood will be difficult.

~On the bright side, she’s not the jealous type. If you had a significant other before she took an interest in you, then great! Love is beautiful! If you ask nicely enough, she’ll even kidnap them for you. They’ll be her ‘special friend’, and you’ll be her faithful partner. You can flirt with, touch, or see whoever you want, as long as you come home to her. And if you don’t… well, at least you should be fine. The person you left her for wouldn’t be as fortunate, though.

~In her own, special way, Toga loves you. She can’t hide it, she doesn’t want to hide it, and you shouldn’t expect her to try. It’s sweet, in a  psychotic way.

[stevetervet]

The new normal

At the start of my last blog entry, I wrote about life returning to normal after the school holidays. How long ago that seems now.

Of course, things were ‘normal’ for a while with Ivy starting Kindergarten - and loving it. Most of the kids from her Little Saints pre-school moved up with her and those friendships have really blossomed over the past few months. A few of our English friends have commented that Ivy is developing an Aussie twang and while we don’t notice it (yet), that speaks to me of how well she has transitioned into a new area and immersed herself in play with these new companions.

She certainly doesn’t lack for confidence, choosing a ride on the school bus over a lift with Mum or Dad every time. It’s a big step up from the road onto the bus, especially wearing a backpack which is nearly as big as her, but Ivy’s a pretty determined character. One giant leap, and all that. I’ve learnt (and been told) to stand back and let her do things her own way.

Throughout February the Australian bushfires were still uppermost in everyone’s mind, especially in the communities which had been hardest hit. One of the key messages was to get out to these places and support the businesses which might otherwise not survive. So we took a drive one Saturday to Corryong, about 90 minutes east of Albury, to see how they were recovering and to spend a few bucks getting lunch in town. The swathes of charred trees on the hillsides of the Upper Murray brought home how terrifying it must have been to look out and see those slopes ablaze in the midst of the disaster. The flames had literally been stopped at Corryong’s doorstep. Properties right on the fringes of town had not survived, though, with only the chimney stack still standing amid the rubble, ruins and mangled metal. Some people really had lost everything. It was sobering.

But just as the green shoots were starting to sprout from the blackened tree trunks a few kilometres away, Corryong was carrying on and while it wasn’t yet business as usual, businesses were opening their doors and bouncing back. Our pub meal was good but what really made the day trip worthwhile was gaining a greater appreciation of the devastation caused by fire and how the rest of us could help in a practical way.

While Rachel was laying the foundations with her new class at the start of the school year, normal life for me involved wearing a few different hats (metaphorical, of course, as I’d left one of my two baseball caps behind in WA) with regard to my work. Freelancing in this case has meant selling stories back to the UK, rebranding a school newsletter, covering Supercars races for one of Australia’s major motorsport websites and continuing to host my podcast from which articles have appeared in our local paper. I’ve learned so much over the last six months by starting from scratch (in a professional sense) and reaching out to people who don’t have the faintest idea who I am. I’ve had to work harder for content than ever before in my career but that only makes it more rewarding when everything comes together. I will be a better journalist for the experience, I’m sure, and living/working here has only underlined the fact that I will literally talk sport with anyone for any amount of time.

Sport has always been a constant when life turns upside-down around us. It’s an escape, a release, something we look forward to, something we can talk about, debate, embrace and something that brings us together - whoever we want to win.

But the pandemic has taken even that away from us and that hurts. There is no shame in admitting that, no suggestion that we have lost perspective of the greater crisis by saying how much we miss the Premier League, the AFL or Formula 1. Sport leaves a huge hole. It is central to our culture whether we play or watch, whether it keeps our bodies or minds active. The global shutdown of leagues, championships and tournaments is absolutely necessary and it will teach us never to take this great love of our lives for granted again. Imagine the emotional outpouring when the turnstiles reopen, when the broadcasts start to roll again and the ball is back in play. The grass will seem greener, the roars will be louder and our intoxication because of it all will be purer than ever before. That day can’t come soon enough - but for now, life has to be a different sort of normal.

If the politicians are right, we’re in for six months of lockdown in varying degrees. That means Ivy staying home, no school and no play dates for the time being. You can’t dress it up: that’s tough, really tough. But we will be there to help her through it and that includes me putting on another hat as her teacher for home schooling.

Two weeks in, we’re still speaking. I’ve actually been blown away seeing how much she is already capable of, bearing in mind it can be like getting blood from a stone asking a five-year-old at 4pm ‘what did you do at school today?’ It’s been a real eye-opener. All that Daddy Daycare, as a friend wisely pointed out, all those Thursdays and Fridays trying to feed a toddler while Rachel was working in the UK, all those trips to what you’d largely consider ‘Mum groups’ during our previous stay in Australia, every hour I’ve spent building a relationship with my daughter is now paying dividends as we tackle new challenges: sight words, maths, craft projects, card games, reading, writing, dance, yoga. And we’re putting more hours in the bank as we go along.

But it will be hard sometimes; it already has been. There can be anxiety at the start of the day or overwhelming tiredness at the end of it not to mention one of us losing patience with the other. Am I doing Ivy justice? How are we going to manage today? When will someone tell us there is light at the end of the tunnel? Is it worth getting out of bed for starters? For a split-second when I wake up, I forget about the coronavirus and then it hits like a wrecking ball. Trying to plan a month or even a week ahead is so difficult, taking away the element of control which I find so helpful. One day at a time.

There is so much advice out there, so many mantras, what you should or shouldn’t do at this time, things kids need, things they shouldn’t have, how to be a good parent, partner, friend, citizen, whatever. I’m not really into that, so the only thing I’ll say is we just need to be honest with each about how we’re coping at the moment. Some days I really struggle, others are a bit better. So let’s just be there for each other, build each other up and that goes for those in Government too. Don’t hammer the people making decisions. It’s an awful time to be a leader and they’re trying their best. Tearing down the Prime Minister isn’t going to help anyone but following his advice will.

Life has changed and we’re all finding our own way through it. Yours will be different to mine, and that’s OK.

Whatever it looks like, this is normal now.

[famous-aces]

Henry David Thoreau

Who: Henry David Thoreau

What: Author, Philosopher, Abolitionist, Activist, Naturalist, Critic, Surveyor, Yogi, Historian...ah, Jeez, what wasn't he?

Where: American (active largely in the US)

When: July 12, 1817 – May 6, 1862

(Image description: a photo of Henry David Thoreau from 1861, it is obviously in black and white but has faded to sepia. He is a white man in a jacket and what appears to be a scarf or cravat. He has a long, tired face, circles around his eyes. He has a thick beard and mustache and slightly messy hair, his hair is dark but graying.  End ID)

You have probably heard this name even if you don't know why. He is best known  for his memoirs, essays, and his role in the founding of the Transcendentalist movement. His progressive philosophy remains relevant to this day. His influence has lasted well over a century and he served as inspiration for the likes of JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Hemingway, Tolstoy, Shaw, Gandhi, among dozens of other names of equal note.

Thoreau was a Transcendentalist through and through, meaning he believed in the inherent goodness of humanity and nature in conjunction with science, and the power of the individual. His writing is generally practical, thoughtful, detailed, and observant, and he wrote extensively on a number of subjects. Perhaps most notably on environmentalism (he is one of the inspirations for and a precursor to the 20th century environmentalist movement), nature, ethics, simple living, direct action, civil disobedience, abolition, tax resistance, anarchy, among countless other topics.  

Thoreau's most famous and popular works include Walden, which is the published version of of the diary Thoreau kept over his two year social experiment at Walden Pond (written beginning in 1845, published in 1854), "Civil Disobedience,"  which helped both Gandhi and Dr. King form their philosophies, and states that in an unjust society the just must rebel, (it was originally titled "Resistance to Civil Government or Civil Disobedience", 1849), "Walking" an instruction manual on how Thoreau thought, observed, and wrote (1862), "Slavery in Massachusetts", a speech given at a rally to protest the re-enslavement of escapee/fugitive slave Anthony Burns (1854) and Excursions, collection of essays, published posthumously in 1863 with biographical introduction by fellow author and Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson.  He also wrote on John Brown and his execution ("A Plea for Captain John Brown" [1859], Remarks After the Hanging of John Brown [1859], and The Last Days of John Brown [1860]).

(Image description: a replica of Thoreau's cabin in Walden. It is a very small wooded. Cabin in a clearing, one room at most, brown/gray in color. It has a white multi-paned window and a brick chimney in the back. The whole cabin is not much taller than its door. Behind it is a shed or outhouse.  They are surrounded by trees. Touching one of the closest trees is a brown metal statue of a man walking, presumably Thoreau. End ID)

Probable Orientation: Gay ace or possibly aroace with a desire for a male QPP.

I am very confident in Thoreau's asexuality, if a little shakier on his romantic orientation. As far as anyone knows (and his life has been repeatedly and heavily scrutinized since the 19th century) Thoreau never had a romantic or sexual partner. He was a public figure with a wide circle of friends, someone would have known at some point during his life and if somehow a partner escaped notice the historians who dedicated their lives to studying his life specifically would have uncovered them. Thoreau wrote on male/male relationships, some more platonic, some queerplatonic, some vagulely romantic, none sexual.

Thoreau, like Elizabeth I, is one cishets hold onto, turning away from the idea he could be anything but heterosexual regardless of the evidence to the contrary.  Like Andy Warhol he is one exclusionists refuse to acknowledge was ace, although they have even less of an argument here. Many aphobic fans of Thoreau are terrified by the idea that maybe, just maybe, the thing Thoreau loved most was nature. Some outrageous arguments from either side include: one historian claimed a poem Thoreau wrote for a man was actually meant for that guy's sister, some say he was being hip in writing about Achilles, some say he was too repressed to have sex, especially since he was gay. One blogger got heated in his admantness that Thoreau wasn't ace but was "a human being with feelings and needs." Nice aphobia there, dude.

But here is the thing about any of those arguments: Thoreau broke every other rule in his culture. He was not afraid to be different, and separated himself from society.  He was all about the individual breaking away from society and its traditions and going with your human nature. Thoreau did what he believed to be right.

He had a following, many friends and aquaintences, almost certainly suitors, he spent a lot of time alone in the company of men he seemed to find attractive e.g. Tom Fowler (who was his sole companion and guide through Maine) and Alek Therien (who visited Thoreau alone at Walden). I firmly believe that his percieved "prudishness" was not artificial but came from a genuine disinterest and failure to even really understand sexual attraction (his journals imply as much, you will see). If he did sleep with any of these men Thoreau never documented it, not even in his own journals. But what he did articulate in letters is that society's refusal to discuss sex/physical relationships was proof of its problems. Sex was natural so dismissing it wasn't. 

His feelings about sex are contradictory, he thinks it must be natural but he also finds it repulsive and dirty. He makes note at one point of how beautiful pollination is (he is quoting and translating J. Biberg but agrees with the sentiment and indeed only uses the quote to prove his point on the beauty of sexless flowers), but he vilifies or dislikes human intercourse. Thoreau seems to like the idea of sex without the sex, he likes closeness more than intercourse. He wants to like sex but can't, the closest he gets is the desire for these things to be open.

Quotes:

Hang onto your hats. There are some long ones here, but Thoreau, like Chopin, is pretty overtly ace. Like he couldn't make it clear without waving an asexual pride flag, would be hard considering it was invented in what? 2010? And Thoreau had already been dead 148 chaste, chaste years.

"What is commonly honored with the name of Friendship is no very profound or powerful instinct...I do not often see the farmers made seers and wise to the verge of insanity by their Friendship for one another. They are not often transfigured and translated by love in each other’s presence. I do not observe them purified, refined, and elevated by the love of a man…I do not often see the farmers made seers and wise to the verge of insanity by their Friendship for one another. They are not often transfigured and translated by love in each other’s presence. I do not observe them purified, refined, and elevated by the love of a man…Nor do the farmers' wives lead lives consecrated to Friendship. I do not see the pair of farmer Friends of either sex prepared to stand against the world...Even the utmost good-will and harmony and practical kindness are not sufficient for Friendship, for Friends do not live in harmony merely, as some say, but in melody. We do not wish for Friends to feed and clothe our bodies,--neighbors are kind enough for that,--but to do the like office to our spirits…[the ideal friendship] will make a man honest; it will make him a hero; it will make him a saint. It is the state of the just dealing with the just, the magnanimous with the magnanimous, the sincere with the sincere, man with man.”

-Henry David Thoreau, from his journal 1839. This entry on friendship the hope for something deeper than what most people call by that name, but still looking for friendship. He is looking for a partner, an emotional, spiritual, partner. This quote could be read as romantic or queerplatonic. You know which one I am leaning toward, queerplatonic, especially because he specifies these relationships as unique from marriage (which he equates in other texts with sex and maybe romance) also he was writing while on a trip with his brother, John, to whom he would later dedicate the publication after John's death in 1842. But it could easily also be a sexless romantic relationship, what he is looking for is not explicitly either.

The following are all from 1852 letters written by Thoreau to his friend and proofreader Harrison Blake. One of these letters was overtly written on the subject of "Chastity and Sensuality" and contains his complicated feelings on sexuality:

"What the essential difference between man and woman is, that they should be thus attracted to one another, no one has satisfactorily answered."

(Note: self explanatory)

"If it is the result of a pure love, there can be nothing sensual in marriage. Chastity is something positive, not negative. It is the virtue of the married especially. All lusts or base pleasures must give place to loftier delights...The deeds of love are less questionable than any action of an individual can be, for, it being founded on the rarest mutual respect, the parties incessantly stimulate each other to a loftier and purer life, and the act in which they are associated must be pure and noble indeed..."

(Note: in the above quote he seems to believe that in marriage sex must eventually stop because there is something better. As if they have gotten the sex stuff out of the way.)

"Love and lust are as far asunder as a flower-garden is from a brothel.

(Note: this was part of his description for his disdain for human sex vs human love, his confusion about sex but love of human relationships. It is part of that desire for sex without sex thing I mentioned but harsher than his tone in a later letter.)

"'The organs of generation, which, in the animal kingdom, are for the most part concealed by nature, as if they were to be ashamed of, in the vegetable kingdom are ex posed to the eyes of all ; and, when the nuptials of plants are celebrated, it is wonderful what delight they afford to the beholder, refreshing...'"

(Note: this is Thoreau quoting and translating J. Biberg. Part of the same letter as the brothel line. In this letter he discusses how perturbed he is by sex and lust, but how it should be something beautiful. He celebrates pollination, while finding human sex distasteful, again sex without sex.)

"The intercourse of the sexes, I have dreamed, is incredibly beautiful, too fair to be remembered. I have had thoughts about it, but they are among the most fleeting and irrecoverable in my experience."

(Note: Also self explanatory)

(Image description: the original title page of Walden. It has an illustration on it drawn by Thoreau's sister Sophia. Above the illustration it reads "Walden; or Life in the Woods by Henry D. Thoreau, Author of "A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers". Then is the illustration showing Thoreau's cabin, it looks very much like the modern replica if with a slightly different treeline.  There is a path leading from the cabin down to the bottom of the image directed at the words below. The text continues after the drawing "I do not propose to write an ode to dejection, but to brag as lustily as chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost, if only to wake the neighbors up. -Page 92. Boston, Ticknor and Fields. M DCCC LIV.". End ID)

[managician]

ARC V Anniversary Day 4

Discussion prompt:  Who’s your favorite character(s)?

Hoo boy, I ended up making a top 10 because there’s so many lovable characters in this cast and I want to talk about them all... Warning for incredibly long descriptions as the top goes on (I’m sorry for mobile users)

10. Reira Akaba

Look at this precious bab. Right off the bat I knew I would like them — I have a kind of weakness for child characters (Rua is one of my faves from 5DS too for a reason), but I never actually expected to love them as much as I do right now. Seeing this little afraid kid with no sense of self grow into a person of their own and playing a literal key role in the resolution of the final conflict was so satisfying. 

09. Ray Akaba

Aand naturally, with me loving Reira it probably comes off as no surprise that I love Ray too. Even with the extremely limited screentime, she shot through the roof as one of my favorites. She was no goddess or super powerful entity that had the equal means to fight Zarc, but she did so anyway. And she won. She’s the porter of an incredibly inspiring message and pretty much symbolizes the core of ARC V’s narrative; she saw trouble and she knew cowering in fear would solve nothing, so she took a step forward with courage and believed in her own worth. POINT IS, Ray is awesome.

08. Rin 

Ahh, Rin... It’s one of the few cases where it’s hard for me to articulate what I like about her the most. I actually wasn’t super invested in her when I first finished watching the show, but one of my friends really likes Yugo and Rin and that got me to think more about her beyond her lack of screentime, and I found myself suddenly appreciating her a lot. She has all her pragmatic yet caring personality and goals scattered throughout the show if you pay attention to her interactions with Yugo, and you can actually get a extremely solid grasp on the kind of the person she is — even her deck plays into it (a logical and ruthless Burn Damage deck, which showcases she’s not here for anyone’s bullshit). 

07. Shun Kurosaki

Shun is a fairly biased case for me, I’ll totally admit. I didn’t actually like him that much during my watch of the show though, and it wasn’t until the XYZ/Fusion Arc that I looked at the events of ARC V in retrospective and realised how much Shun had been involved in. I’m a sucker for stoic and ruthless characters learning to trust people again, and Shun fit into the mold perfectly. And he definitely did strike me as cool from the first go, with Rise Falcon’s insane OTK against the LDS Trio back in Standard, so even if I wasn’t actively rooting for his character I wanted to see what direction he’d take. Seeing him grow and finally make peace with the Yuto/Ruri situation at the end of the show made me incredibly happy; I think that he could finally start leaving all the bitterness and pain behind and begin a new journey of hope with his comrades. 

06. Serena

Another case of me being somewhat (okay, really) gay and biased for girls. I loved Serena right from the first go; her pushy and pretty aggressive personality caught my interest, and we got a glimpse of her backstory with Reiji pretty soon after her introduction, which made me feel connected with her very easily. Yet another misguided Academia student — though her arc is completely different compared to say, Sora’s or Dennis’s. She had even less information about the outside world than the rest of the Fusion gang did, and so of course the key for her was learning the truth. Thanks to Yuzu and Shun she was able to check by herself how horrorific her Academia comrades’s actions had been, and she immediately decides to fight against the injustice. There’s something admirable about her relentless courage and will to do what’s right, and she never stops being herself and fighting like she wants to the very bitter end. Pretty inspiring for me, honestly.

05. Reiji Akaba

And we enter Top 5, starting off with Reiji, who is frankly the trickiest character for me on this list. Unlike many people I know I didn’t ever think of him as an evil or dettached rival, because of... His scarf. Yes, his stupid gravity defying-scarf. Red symbolizes heroism in many Japanese shows, so I had the hunch that Reiji would end up acting nicer than he did at the beginning of show. And boy, did he. He’s an incredibly compelling and well-rounded character who is a clear contrast to Yuya’s bright entertainment, and he expresses his emotions in a very subtle way. He’s an unexpected rival who subverts tropes left and right, just like the protagonist; and while it’s clearly a case of the “I Had To Grow Up Too Early” trope, it’s executed so brilliantly well that you can’t help feel sorry for him, even if you don’t particularly like him. ...Which was actually what happened to me, I barely cared for him in my first watch of the show... And then I loved him and suddenly he was in my top favorites. He’s so great.

04. Sawatari Shingo

I’ll say it right from the go, I didn’t ever think a character of Shingo’s type could get me so interested. From the beginning of the show I saw him as Yuya’s ‘rival’ in a purer sense of the word than Reiji; they’re both Entertainment Duelists and have a more direct confrontation in the championship’s Action Duel. But that’s all he really was to me, another showcasing of Entertainment and a fun character to see when he was on screen, nothing else. And yet I found myself taking a deep liking to him when he finally tried to steer his own path; despite being a loud, kind-of comedy relief character if the situation requires for it (somewhat akin to Jounouchi in DM, perhaps), at the same time he’s a quite talented Duelist who enjoys pulling a crowd’s attention towards him. He wants to impress people and that’s something I could relate to in a very intimate way, as much as I preferred Yuya’s ideology. And he grew so much during the BB Arc with Crow too, it was so cute.

Tied for 3rd spot - Yuto and Yuzu Hiragi

Aka... I tried really, really hard to pick one... But I had to give up. Sometimes I say Yuto’s 3rd and Yuzu 2nd and some other days it’s the other way around, and then sometimes I straight up can’t decide. Like today. 

I wasn’t big on Yuto at first at all. He did intrigue me, especially because thanks to him we were introduced to the same-face plot that set off the whole Standard arc in the first place, though that was it. I thought he was cool, a character you can appreciate if he comes up with screen, but don’t actively think of outside of that. Broodingly dark characters tend to piss me off unless they quickly grow on me, which probably added to me not feeling very interested in either him or Shun at the beginning of the show; even with that, I appreciated his rather calm and pacifist nature in comparison to his partner... 

And then Episode 37 happened and I was completely thrown off the charts. His desire to bring smiles to people and to not hurt anyone anymore to the point of refusing to attack Yugo pulled at my heartstrings, and I’m a complete sucker for self-sacrificing characters, so when he protected Yuya at the expense of his own soul and entrusted that desire onto him... I was sold. His influence is rather subtle but shows passionately many times, and I found myself falling in love with his character despite the lack of screentime and dubious characterisation that every XYZ character suffers from; I think he’s the best one out of the trio in that matter, though. And his interactions with Yuzu, Ruri and Yuya are so sweet; overall he’s just a character I can find myself easily toying with and I love his role in the show.

What can I say about Yuzu? She’s my favorite female lead from all YGO series. I found her rather annoying but cute during the first... Ten or so episodes. And then I fell in love with her because holy damn, she’s such an amazing character. She actually Duels, has a beautiful and kickass deck and is deeply involved in the plot from start to end (which is already more than can be said for the other shows), not to mention she’s such an inspiring role model. Yuzu always actively worked to improve herself and it’s refreshing to see her be so open with her feelings and caring for people. She’s so strong and I really enjoyed all the bonds she had with the rest of the cast — when you had half of them going through hell and back to help her, it felt legitimately heartwarming and believable, because she always does her best to forge a connection with people and isn’t afraid to say what she thinks.

She felt like one of the most human characters in the show for me, as her best strength was the power of encouraging and inspiring other people (Yuya, Serena, Yugo just to name a few) rather than being unbeatable or not being allowed to fail. She’s everything and more I could hope from a female lead and she inspires me everyday.

01. Yuya Sakaki

*falls to the ground and sobs*

I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this precious ball of sunshine. Anime protagonists are always without fail a 50/50 chance for me, I either love them with all my soul or I hate them and I’m 200% more invested in other characters. Yuya (un)surprisingly fell into the first category from the very first episode, he’s so adorable and seeing him go on a journey to leave behind his years of bullying and depression and turn into someone he can be proud of is hands down the most inspiring thing in this series. 

He genuinely makes me so happy and his character development is the very thing that made me invested in ARC V in the first place, I will never get enough of what an amazing and compelling protagonist he is. His attitude of trying to stay happy and make the people around him happy as well, but ultimately falling victim to his own emotions and crashing hard against reality is so brutally and openly real that my heart aches just from thinking of it. I’ve learned with him as I watched the show; as an audience we experienced the same happiness, sadness and pain that he went through, and I’m so proud of him for getting so far and never giving up despite all the odds always being against him.

He’ll always hold a special place in my heart, he’s so important to me and I’m just really glad he exists! 

[femgirlfriend-moved]

gay couple on tv: we love each other

the director/author whatever: two bros 5 feet apart cos they're not gay

incel on tumblr who just shat in their pants: ok so i understand yall big mad that they don't say gay. i completely understand but all of you queers are so annoying right now. cant a man write a best friend story and not be harrassed? is it wrong that they are best friends? they love each other and it's purer than gay love because that's sin- i mean it's just not woke enough. do they have to kiss for you? do it on the streets for you? is that what you want, gays? is what u got not enough? maybe they are aroace pan celibate partners. ok? my daddy (insert creator name) is pure and only wanted to do good but you ruined everything again. sometimes i hate gay people so much i can hardly stand it

[smmickeyd]

Forge is one of my favorite words

Well it’s been a while. I thought it would be a good idea to get some time on here before I start the job Monday. A LOT has happened in the last two weeks and even more since my last larger entry, both in an external event sense and in an internal mind/emotion sense. So it’s gonna be interesting to see what surfaces here. Let’s get into it.

So work on Monday. Woop woop! Super excited to start. Feels like everything is moving very fast now which is such a change from this summer. 4 months of moving like molasses and then 1 of just light speed. Didn’t quite get everything done I wanted to get done before I left. Motorcycle is inoperable at T&Js house. I didn’t visit Miami last weekend. Although, that may have been a double bullet dodge and it was actually an amazing weekend like I was anticipating so I’m glad I didn’t go. But still bummed I missed some friends before moving. I didn’t send the thank you cards to all the Maverick people I wanted to, two in particular. Suppose I still could but we’ll see.

Not too bad though. I was able to get all sorts of time in with friends. It cost some very late packing which has made some of my logistical choices questionable but absolutely worth it. I’ve never had people actively reaching out wanting to spend time with me like that before. I didn’t let anyone down I don’t think. Besides moving but beneath the jokes I know they understand. And my last day was just absolutely perfect. I couldn’t have wished for a better one.

I think I held it together pretty well, but I know I was a little banged up when I rolled into Maverick 4 months ago. Taking stock: Em had basically been a gaping hole in my self worth for months (my own fault for that), but then left without saying goodbye or even a hint of caring that she wouldn’t see me again. I had just graduated and had NOWHERE to go with what I wanted to do. Meanwhile Em is about to start medical school, a bunch of other friends of mine as well. Being a pretty big comparer that definitely wasn’t fun. I’m living at my brother’s and sister-in-law’s place. Better than the parents but not by much. I feel about 0 independence. I have no job, no money, and no place to call my home. Expecting social life to be a disaster. Dating? Give me a break. Mix that with Em never making any moves. Initiated holding my hand one time, so I feel about as hot and sexy as a dead fish. I had been working for years, doing well in school, having a job since 14, developing moral and spiritual beliefs. Forging myself and creating mold for who I want to be. For what? It all seemed to be for naught. Days initially set with aimlessness and procrastination. Endlessly revising a resume and cover letter when really I was just scared to submit it. Applying to the jobs I wanted with what I had and not getting accepted was such a nightmare.

Enter: Maverick CrossFit. In fact, Enter: Maverick Bootcamp. A reason to get out of the house, get blood moving, meet some people. I had some thoughts when I was planning the move to Melbourne. I told myself not to get too close to anyone and probably not even try to find a romantic connection (didn’t really have hope there anyway) because I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be there long. Boy was I wrong in the best way possible, which just shows how wack out of myself I had become up to this point. My whole life I’ve lived with the “be happy it happened, not sad it’s over” mentality. And now I’m not gonna try to make things happen just because I might not be around forever. Who the heck was that? That is not making the most of what I have. That is not enjoying the moments I’m given. That’s not me.

I got to bootcamp and started to remember what it was like to work hard physically, something I hadn’t had in 4 years. And have a coach and a team, also lacking. I really like having a coach/mentor, it’s really what I felt was missing from my undergrad experience. It came at the perfect time. I wasn’t licking my wounds from a failed attempt at a relationship anymore, it was mainly settled in the back of my mind. I had taken just the very first step to walking out of the mental holes I’d been digging all semester. And body image has always been tricky. I’ve liked how I look, especially after I learned how to dress, but I’ve never felt “hot” or “desirable”. Never been that person that gets pushed up against the wall or onto the bed because they just HAVE to have me. Always the pusher never the pushee. I’ve been cute, adorable, handsome, etc. but hot never seems to be on the table from the ones I’m into.

If I had started two weeks earlier I would have been working out because I didn’t like myself, or wanted to look good solely for others. It wouldn’t have lasted and I would have burned out. Instead it came at the most opportune time, and I’m just remembering now my senior year high school quote, “at our lowest point we are open to the greatest change.” 4 years later I was living that quote which is ironic since the real one I wanted was similar but all the more true

“In the vacuum created by the loss of what’s most precious, opportunity abounds, influence maximizes, and desire becomes destiny.”

I was searching for a lifeline and I finally found one. The opportunity abounded, and it’s influence was certainly maximized by delipidated state. It light a hunger in me. A desire the likes of which was the physical manifestation of everything I want to do. Forge myself. I’ve thrown my heart into those I found in need even if they don’t back to develop a strong, resilient, and capable heart. I’ve sought out difficult academic problems and degrees to construct a formidable mind, always my top priority. And going from Bootcamp into CrossFit opened blasted open the door for me to forge my body. I didn’t know I could, didn’t know it was possible for me. I didn’t even know that’s what was missing from my self improvement based minset. I began to see my body as a conduit, the method by which I direct my thoughts and energies to the world.

I began working out because I love myself, not because I hate myself. I began because I want to have a hot body for me and my partner to enjoy, not to make previous people jealous. I found a purer way to think, to not focus on those who say I can’t. I don’t want to prove them wrong. I focus on those who support me and say I can. I want to prove them right.

I will prove them right.

I work so that the energy, love, and support that has been invested in me is returned in kind. It’s more difficult to do it this way, but I don’t want to descend to the pain cave. Sure the pain cave gives results, but I imagine ascending to a higher plateau. One where I’ve left conquered and left behind the struggle apd the previous one to take on new, mightier battles. Why would I want to keep having the same fight over and over? Greatness is not built that way. Impossibility is a mindset.

I’ve learned to have better role models, and not just follow the ones given to me. So seek them out and find out what they’ve done. If I’m not even dreaming as big as them, I’ll never get where I want to be. I’ve thought this before about building my mind and seeing academic progress is good, but there’s just something unshakable about real progress in your physical capabilities.

A 20 lbs PR on clean and jerk on my last day?

12 hours with J, incomparable to others in so many ways, on my last day?

Night drive to let my mind wander, process it all, on my last day?

2019 has been a real rough time: that may just have been the best day of the year.

At the end of The Office, Andy is talking to the camera after leaving Dunder Mifflin and says he wishes there was someone who would tell you you’re living the good old days while you’re still in them. That’s exactly how I felt in my final weeks, that one line allowed me to drink in every little bit until I pulled away at 10:14pm and set out.

I’m ready. Ready for my career, ready to find a box in HSV and keep getting fitter; ready for all the rest that’s coming my way I don’t even know about. I had no idea I needed these 5 months.