#and we see when it gets worse and shes not able to cope as well shes still revered and seen as strong and capable

[crvstybowlofcereal]

We do need to acknowledge that The Owl House probably wouldn't have taken off the way it did without Lumity, but some people Also have to acknowledge its still a beautifully written story with diverse representation and complex themes that are helpful for its viewers, even if you were to remove Lumity.

[thebibliosphere]

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Burntout

I got upset and cried, and then I decided to try and write something that I am currently relating too, right now.

Lifes' full of up and downs, and sometimes its' okay to admit that you're not okay.

pairings: lotte wubben-moy x reader, alessia russo x reader

warnings: angst, meh.

The morning sun painted streaks of gold across the training grounds as you took part in another intense training session ahead of the upcoming game at the weekend.

You had joined the team just shy of a few months ago with dreams as big as the stadium in which they were due to play in, but beneath the facade of determination, you carried a weight that threatened to crush your spirit.

With each day that passed, you felt like the pressure mounted even more. The expectation were high, the scrutiny, the relentless pursuit of perfection - It all bore down on your shoulders like a somewhat invisible burden.

You found it easy to smile for the cameras, laugh along with your team mates jokes but inside, you felt like you were drowning.

There were a few of your team mates who were quick to note your struggles, 2 familiar faces from your past club, Lotte and Alessia, who had sensed the change in your demeanor. Of course they knew you all too well to be fooled by any of the facade you worse so carefully, they were able to see the cracks forming beneath the surface, the fragile threads that held you together.

Lacing up her boots, Lotte exchanged a knowing glance with Alessia, they both understood that something was amiss, something that needed to be addressed before it was too late.

During a break in the training session, Lotte and Alessia decide to approach you, concern etched in their expressions. "Hey, kid. Are you okay?" Lotte asked gently, her voice filled with geninue worry.

Your facade faltered, just for a moment, before you hastily plastered on a smile, "Of course, I'm fine," you replied, your voice a practiced melody of reassurance.

However, your team mates didn't seem entirely all that convinced. You should have known they would see through you and be able to recongise the pain hidden behind your smile.

You failed to keep your act up.

Lotte and Alessia were like 2 big sisters, you weren't that much younger than them, but you adopted the nickname as the kid, they were both fiercely protective of you and fought anyone who vowed to say anything bad about you.

"You don't have to pretend with us," Alessia stepped closer to you, her eyes searching your face, "We know that you're struggling. It's okay to admit it,"

Tears welled up in your eyes straight away as they threatened to spill over, the dam that you had built around your emotions was crumbling and you could no longer hold back to the flood any longer.

With a shaky breath, you finally let go of the facade that you had been wearing for so long.

"I'm not... I'm not okay," You whispered, your voice barely above a whimper. "I'm just finding it hard to cope right now, you know? I guess its' hard to try and fake a smile, act happy and that, when I don't feel like I'm truly happy."

"Oh kid," Lotte murmered, enveloping you in her comforting embrace, that Alessia joined in as well, both of them offering silent support as you let your emotions flow freely.

"Listen, Y/N/N, we know that you're finding things difficult here, but it will be okay and eventually, you will get used to it," Alessia said softly. "You've got so much potential, you're going to take the world by storm. We believe in you and your not alone in this anymore."

Lotte nodded in agreement with the blonde, "Less is right there, kid. We're going to be here with you every single step of the way, you can always talk to us about anything at all, remember?" she paused and waited for your response of a nod before she continued. "Your like a sister to the two of us and we hate to see you struggling at all, we love you so much, kid."

As the embrace with the two older girls lingered, the weight on your shoulders slowly began to lift and felt like it was replaced with a sense of relief that you hadn't felt in a long time.

"Thank you," You whispered, pulling back slightly both of them, meeting their concerned gazes with newfound determination. "I promise I'll talk to you both and be more open about how I feel from now on. I don't want to keep pretending like everything is okay when its' not."

Lotte smiled softly while her eyes were filled with understanding, "We're here for you, always," she reminded you, her voice unwavering in its' support.

"Together, we'll help you get through this," Alessia rested her hand reassuringly on your shoulder, "You're not alone," she repeated, her voice filled with conviction.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[thelikesoffinn]

Honestly, Solomon is the type of guy that makes me wanna go full social worker on is arse. Like, what the ever shitting fuck is his damage.

Why the fuck does he hate his nephew this much? Sebastian is trying everything to save his sister and all Solomon does is swoop in and go "ROOOAAAARRR! NOOOOO!" *angrily destroys whatever cure the boy has found*.

Like.

Why.

Just let the kid try, for fucks sake. It's how he copes. It's part of the grieving process. The boy is fifteen and may be about to lose his sister after he already lost his parents. Give him a break.

And also, Anne was clearly excited about that cure. So why bother with throwing a fit? What could possibly go wrong? She's in debilitating pain already, it's hardly going to get worse.

And, on top of that: Mr. Super-Auror is awfully quick to abandon Sebastian the second it gets convenient. I'm not sure about you, but, as a caregiver, when I see my charge drift, I try to intervene. Try to catch him and find a reason why this is happening.

Because we are well aware that Sebastian isn't evil. He's desperate. That's a difference. And anyone with more than three braincells should be able to notice that. So when Solomon sees him cast that damn spell, he should have grabbed that boy, given him a stern shake - maybe a good slap to shock that old system - and a fucking hug to try and reel him back into the light. He needed fucking real talk and stability. Stability! But he just throws him away, which leaves Sebastain homeless and quasi orphaned. Wtf.

And then in that final show down he gets hit by one fucking basic cast that he literally provoked out of that desperate fifteen year old nephew of his and he thinks the logical next step is "fire tornado". On both Sebastian AND MC. For some reason.

And while literally trying to fry those two fifteen year old dumbarses alive, he yells shit like "You're no friend of my nephew!" and "It's your fault he went down that path!" to MC which is like bitch wtf. He was like that when we got here, we just didn't toss him aside like apparently everyone else did.

And that bastard is one to talk, pointing fingers while actively trying to turn his nephew and his nephews pal into two piles of Ash.

That guy is so deranged, it's not even funny.

[jpmarvel90]

Grief

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Relationship: Natasha x Reader, Sister Wanda x Sister Reader

Summary: After Clint's death, Natasha falls of the rails and her marriage is at stake.

Word Count: 6554

Y/n’s POV:

When Clint died, it affected everyone in the team. But most of all, it affected his best friend, Nat. After his funeral, Nat started to withdraw from everyone, including me, her wife. Her walls went up and she almost went into self-destruct mode. I barely saw her. She would be out all-night doing God knows what. Most of the mornings when she would eventually come back home, she was drunk or high.

She had stopped working, which was for the best anyway as she wasn’t in the right mind set for it. But work was always her outlet when things got rough for her. I barely saw her and when I did, she would talk to me. I was lucky if I got a good morning or goodbye. She would never tell me where she was or where she was going. At first I would wait up for her, terrified something had happened, then she would come in to bed in the early hours, not even addressing the fact she had been out all night.

Eventually, I would be asleep before she came in and then she would be gone before I woke up. I felt helpless that I couldn’t help her. I would try to get her to open up, but she would just ignore me. We started to argue more, something we had rarely done. If we disagreed, we would always talk about it. Even if we didn’t end up agreeing, it would rarely end up in a fight. Now, it seemed like just saying good morning would get a rise out of her.

The team were worried too, and they had all tried to help her as well. But it was no use. I spent so much time talking to my sister Wanda about how I was worried that she was slipping away. But she would encourage me to be patient and just be there so when she was ready to talk, she knew I was there to listen. But she was becoming nasty and the worst she got, the harder it became.

I would tell myself that she had lost her best friend, the man that saved her life and gave her a second chance to fight for what was right. If I ever lost Wanda, I would be devastated and know that I wouldn’t cope. I was Natasha’s wife. It was my job to be there for her, for better or for worse. But it looked like better was never going to make its way back again.

It was late on a Tuesday evening when Natasha stumbled through the door to our house. The smell of alcohol seeped off her and she looked a mess. When looked closer, I could see lipstick on her neck. I felt my heart constrict at the sight, but I wasn’t going to jump to any conclusions. “Nat, where have you been?” I asked calmly, making way towards her. She just started to giggle. “I wanted a drink.” She slurred out, pushing past me to the stairs.

I followed her and watched as she stumbled around trying to get herself ready for bed. I knew there was no use in talking to her now. She was drunk and probably wouldn’t hear anything I had to say anyway. So, I waited. I sat up in bed and waited until she woke up a few hours later. One thing about Nat was she never got a hangover so was always ready to function the next day. She looked at me surprised when she saw me awake and watching her. I heard her sigh, but we needed to talk. It had been 6 months since Clint died and she was getting worse. I know she is grieving but this isn’t healthy, and I hate not being able to help her. What sort of a wife isn’t able to comfort the person they love?

“Where were you last night?” I asked, keeping my voice calm and low, not wanting to frustrate her. But it didn’t work. “I was just out for a drink.” She said coldly, making her way to the bathroom. “Please Nat, I’m worried about you. I want to help you.” I said trying to contain the emotions. “I don’t need your help Y/n. I’m fine.” She huffed, doing everything to ignore looking in my direction.

“I know you’re hurting, and I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling, but you can’t keep doing this. It’s unhealthy.” I said and I could tell she was starting to get angry, but I wasn’t planning on backing down today. “Exactly, you don’t know what I’m feeling so just back the fuck off.” She spat, shoving past me to leave.

I ran down the stairs and blocked the door so she couldn’t leave. “Natasha, I’m your wife. I’m not going to force you to talk to me, but please talk to someone. You need help. I’m worried about you. I don’t know where you go and then you come home drunk and last night you came home with lipstick on you.” I said frustrated, my resolve breaking.

She slammed her keys down on to the counter and walked towards me not breaking eye contact. “I do not need you telling me what to do. Being my wife doesn’t give you some special pass to know everything about me. And the so what, I was having fun last night. Isn’t that a good thing?” She said with an evil smirk on her face. “Fun with someone else is that what you mean?” I ask, almost at a whisper, terrified of her answer.

She paused for a moment before answering. “Yeah, someone who doesn’t badger me at every minute of the day.” She said it so casually, and I felt my heart shatter. She cheated. “I mean that little to you, that you would go and cheat?” I asked. “This just isn’t working anymore Y/n. Neither of us are happy. Let’s just cut our loses whilst we can.” Her words were cold and callous. “Nat, you don’t mean that. We’re married, we’ve been together for 8 years. You’re grieving and if you need space, then I’ll give it to you. But please, this isn’t the end for us.” I argued, tears filling my eyes.

“Well, maybe 8 years was enough. This isn’t the grief talking Y/n. I can’t do this anymore. I think we should break up.” She said, not making eye contact anymore. I felt sick and my legs were shaking. “Break up? You want a divorce?” I asked in shock, and she just nodded. I was speechless. I looked at her and I knew that there was nothing that I could do. I moved away from the door and walked away from her, tears streaming down my face.

When I heard the door close, as she left, I fell to my knees and broke down. I couldn’t believe that the woman that I had fallen in love with could do that to me. Not wanting to stay in this house any longer, I grabbed my bags and filled them with my clothes and anything I wanted to take with me. Which wasn’t much as I didn’t want the memories of this anymore. I locked the door and push my key through the letter box. I packed up my car and made my way to the compound.

I was greeted by Jarvis, and I asked where Tony was. As usual he was in his lab. I was making my way there when Wanda saw me and chased after me, trying to find out what’s wrong. “Y/n/n, please slow down. Have you been crying?” She asked as I ignored her and found Tony. “Y/n what do I owe the pleasu…. Y/n, oh God what’s wrong” He asked, his voice turning to one of concern. “Can I move back in please?” I asked with no emotion to my voice.

Both him and Wanda looked at me confused. “This place will always be your home, but what about Nat?” Tony asked and I felt myself shudder at her name. “She’s asked for a divorce.” I stated and they both gasped. Wanda pulled me into a tight hug. “She’s just grieving Y/n she didn’t mean it.” Tony tried to comfort me, but it was no use. I shook my head. “She said it wasn’t that. She wasn’t happy and she um. She cheated last night.” I shared and I felt Wanda’s grip on my arm tighten. I looked up to see her eyes going red. “I’m going to kill her.” She said but I grabbed her hand.

“No Wanda. It’s not worth it. Clearly, I was stupid to ever believe that she ever truly loved me. I never should have let my walls down.” Wanda’s eyes calmed and she looked at me with pity. “Please don’t put them back up Y/n. I can’t see you like that again.” She pleaded but it was too late. I didn’t plan to let anyone back in. “Tony, could you give me a number of a divorce lawyer? I’d rather get this done and out of the way so we can move on.” I explained.

I noticed his eyes move towards Wanda with concern, but I ignored it. “Sure, I’ll email you the details for when you’re ready.” She offered with a kind smile. I thanked him and made my way to my car to grab my bags. Wanda helped as we unpacked my things in silence. I had never felt so lost and hurt. Wanda could feel the pain I was in, and I could tell it was hurting her to see it. I started to block off my mind, not wanting her to her my thoughts. The first step to building my walls back up.

Third Person POV:

The team were shocked by Natasha’s actions. They barely saw her anymore, but how she so callously broke up with Y/n was something none of them expected. Natasha had never been happier than when she was with Y/n. They all knew she was hurting, but to cheat on Y/n and ask for a divorce was a complete shock. Although they understood that Natasha was grieving, many of them were angry at her.

Y/n had done nothing but be there for Natasha. She had never pushed, and she had taken every argument and insult that Natasha would throw at her in the heat of the argument. She stayed when many people would have left. Instead of working to get better for her wife, she pushed her away and did the one thing that was unforgivable. She broke Y/n’s trust the moment she decided to cheat. The team didn’t recognise Natasha anymore and they didn’t know what to do. They only person they thought that could get through to her was slowly falling into their own pit of depression.

Y/n thought she was being strong by hiding her feelings and focusing back on work. But the team could see past it. They knew she was hurting, and it pained them that they couldn’t help. When Y/n and Wanda joined the team, both of them struggled to settle in. But Y/n found it harder. She had spent more of her life in Hydra, and it took years before she was the fun, caring and loving person that the team grew to know. They were terrified that she was going to fall back to being that broken girl that joined the team 10 years ago.

Everyone was shocked when Y/n got divorce papers so soon. They thought she would give Nat time to realise her mistake, but Y/n was beyond hurt now and was doing everything she could to protect what as left of her heart. Wanda was most worried. Not being able to understand how Y/n was feeling scared her. Even in Hydra when Y/n would block Wanda from her mind, she still spoke to her. But this time she had totally shut herself off.

Y/n threw herself into missions and was nearly always away from the compound. For Fury it was great. Her success rate was high, and she never complained regardless of what the mission was. He started to use the fact that she was hurting to his advantage, which frustrated, Tony, Steve and Wanda. But Y/n passed all evaluations and was will which didn’t really given them a leg to stand on to stop it.

On team missions, it was clear that Y/n was reckless. Not with the safety of others or the success of the mission, but with her own life. On multiple occasions she would come back with some form of injury, but it wouldn’t stop her. Y/n main focus was to get the job done and protect Wanda. The last person that she truly cared for.

She still loved the team, but Wanda had been there her whole life. Y/n would do anything to make sure her sister came home in one piece, regardless of the cost. Wanda was the last person Y/n could lose. She knew she would never come back from that if she did. Y/n would rather die if it meant that Wanda survived.

It was a solo mission that ultimately brought trouble for Y/n. Fury had underestimated the forces that Y/n would go up against and within a few hours, Y/n was missing. Steve was leading comms from the compound and her tracker and comms were down. There was no sign of her. Tony started to do all he could to find her, whilst Steve had to have the difficult conversation with her sister.

He found Wanda in the common room reading when he took a seat next to her. She looked up and instantly her eyes started to gloss over. “Its Y/n isn’t it.” She said before Steve could say anything. He nodded sombrely. “She’s missing. Tony and SHEILD are doing everything they can to find her.” He explained and Wanda broke down. Steve was quick to pull her into his arms to hold her. “I can’t lose her Steve. She’s all I’ve got. I should have done more. She was hurting and I couldn’t help. My own sister. I let her go back to closing herself off and now she’s gone.” Wanda cried into Steve’s shoulder who tried to keep her calm.

“You did everything you could Wanda. Do not blame yourself. No one could have helped her in the state she was in. You being there was what she needed, and you did that. This was just her way of coping.” She consoled. “I’m terrified Steve. My sister can’t be dead.” She sobbed. “Y/n is dead?” both Steve and Wanda’s head shot up, anger filling the witch’s eyes when she saw the source of the voice.

Nat’s POV:

Losing Clint was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. He was the reason I was able to make a difference and start to clear my ledger. He made a choice to save me and give me a second chance. One that lead to me gaining a family and a job that allowed me to make a difference. He was the reason I met my wife.

I knew I was pushing everyone away, but I couldn’t help it. I could feel the grief consume me and I was angry at everyone. So, I didn’t what I did best, I ran from my feelings. I knew I was hurting Y/n but in my mind, I didn’t care. I knew she would be there for me when I got my shit together. She didn’t push me at the start, and I was grateful for that. But then she would question where I was more, and I didn’t want to talk about it. So, I pushed her even further.

I started to dread coming home and seeing her. Our relationship wasn’t the same anymore. I know it was my fault but in the heat of the moment, I decided I wasn’t prepared to do that anymore. So, I did something I never thought I would do. I broke her trust and then asked for a divorce. I could see her heart break but the grief I was feeling was selfish and I didn’t care. So, I left.

If I had not been so fucking stupid, I would have seen that Y/n had done everything I needed to work through my grief. I was just too stubborn to do what I needed to. I let it consume me and I didn’t care who I hurt along the way. Even if that was my wife. The woman that I adored with all my heart. The woman I would die for. I was an asshole.

I lied to her. I didn’t cheat. Well, I guess technically you could say I did. I kissed another woman, then as it started to go further, I realised what I was doing and stopped it. I couldn’t do that to Y/n, even if I couldn’t see that everything else I was doing was toxic towards her.

After going on a 3-day bender, I found myself at the door of Clint’s old house, knocking. Laura opened the door with a smile which dropped when she saw my state. “Natasha, what are you doing here?” She asked a little shocked. I hadn’t seen her since the funeral. I could face her knowing that Clint was gone. Clearly my subconscious had brought me here. “I uh. I don’t really know.” I told her honestly and she was quick to pull me inside.

She made a pot of coffee and we talked for a while. I apologised for not being around. But she said that she was doing good. She had her good days and her bad, but she was strong for the kids, and they were finally started to heal as they knew that Clint wouldn’t want them to be stuck in a cycle of grief.

Her words hit home with me. If his wife and kids could move on with their grief, why couldn’t I? “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look awful.” Laura said with a smirk, but worried eyes. “Yeah, I’ve not really been dealing with everything so well.” I explained and she nodded. “So I’ve heard.” She responded and I looked at her confused. “I see the team regularly. Tony told me that you and Y/n aren’t together anymore.” She said and I was shocked that she knew.

“I must say, you’re a fucking idiot.” She said and it shocked me. “What?” I asked confused. “You let go, well pushed away, someone as great as Y/n. I never too you for the cheating type Natasha. I know you’ve been grieving but you were selfish. Grief doesn’t give you a free pass to hurt someone else.” She scolded me and my eyes dropped to my hands in embarrassment. “We weren’t in a good place. We were fighting all the time and it seemed like the right decision.” I defended.

“Well, you’re even more of an idiot than I thought. Y/n was terrified that she was going to lose you. That you’d end up hurt or worse. She did everything that you wanted until it was becoming too much. Then you broke her trust for what? Because she cared too much about you to let you throw away your life as you were doing. You know, Clint didn’t save you for you to fall back to your old habits.” She said sternly. She really wasn’t letting me off the hook here.

“I would do anything to have even one more minute with Clint. Yet you are happy to throw away the one good thing in your life?” She questioned and I could see the hurt in her eyes. “If you want to self-destruct, fine. But breaking someone who worked so hard to build themselves up is unacceptable. Life is short, don’t throw it away.” As she spoke, it was like a movie reel was playing in my head of all the horrible things I had done to Y/n over the last 6 months. Then I saw everything good thing she had ever done for me. I was a coward, and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to fix what I’ve broken.

I spend the next couple of weeks with Laura. She helped me to get my shit together. Spending time with her and the kids help me to come to terms with losing Clint and finally being in a position I could move on and honour Clint in the way he deserved. I had to make myself better not just for me, but for my wife. I eventually went back home ready to fix things with Y/n. Firstly, I needed to explain to her what really happened that night.

I opened the door to our house, and it struggled to open as there was a pile of post. I picked it all up and was surprised when I saw a key underneath it all. I picked it up and realised it was Y/n’s key. I called out to her, but knew she wasn’t here as her car was gone. I made my way up to our room and saw all of her things were gone. I don’t know what I was expecting. I asked her for a divorce, so of course she wasn’t going to wait for me anymore.

After clearing up a bit, I started making my way through the mail and paused when I got to a large A4 envelope. I opened it and felt my heart complete shatter. It was divorce papers. Fuck, I was too late. I grabbed my keys and made my way to compound. I knew she’d have gone back there to be with Wanda.

Tears were falling down my cheeks the whole way there. I can’t believe that I hurt the one person I love more than life itself. How could I let my grief get to the point I was willing to let her go? When I got to the compound I ran as quickly as I could to find her but was greeted by a sobbing Wanda in the common room. Steve was holding her, and I could tell that he was holding back tears as well.

Then I heard the words that shattered my world. “I’m terrified Steve. My sister can’t be dead.” Wanda sobbed and I couldn’t believe what I had heard. I was speaking before I even knew it. “Y/n is dead?” I asked. They both looked up at me and I could see how angry Wanda was. Her eyes had turned red. She stood up and marched over to me and before I knew it, I was on the floor with a bloodied nose and Wanda stood over me.

Ok I deserved that. Jeeze she packs a hell of a punch. “This is all your fault! You were so selfish that you pushed her to her limit.” Wanda screamed at me. I could hear the pain in her voice. What had happened? Where was Y/n? Was she actually dead? I had all these questions flying around my head, but the words didn’t come out. At my silence, Wanda started to generate an energy ball. I prepared myself for the impact, but it never came.

I looked up and saw Wanda’s hands drop to her side, the energy ball extinguished. She fell to her knees, heart breaking sobs leaving her. I sat up and pulled her towards me. I hated seeing her like this. She fought my comfort but eventually gave in. When she had calmed down, she pulled away, the anger had replaced the sadness that filled her eyes a moment ago. “If anything happens to Y/n, I’ll never forgive you.” She said coldly and walked off.

Steve was looking at me like I’d never seen before. He was disappointed but also hurt. “Steve, where’s Y/n? What is going on?” I asked needing to know what was actually happening. Steve went on to explain what had happened and the guilt was just continuing to grow. “She shut down Nat. It was like she was when she first got here. Her only priorities were missions and protecting Wanda. I know you were grieving, but I never thought you’d ever be able to do what you’ve done to her.” I couldn’t respond to him. I knew exactly what I had done and how unforgivable it was. I just had to hope that Y/n would come back safe to try to fix this.

For the next two weeks we all worked as hard as we could to find Y/n. We attacked numerous Hydra bases in the hopes we’d get more information, but it was useless. The more time that went on the more we realised, it was a high possibility that Hydra didn’t have her and that she had been hurt, or worse, in a fight with them.

Over these weeks, I had slowly been able to gain the others trust back. Wanda still hated me, and I didn’t blame her for that, but we worked well together. We both had the same drive and we understood how the other was feeling. We often would end up in the kitchen late at night talking about what was going on in our heads. “When I lost Pietro, I thought I would never get out of the darkness, but Y/n was there guiding me back to the light. When she started throwing herself into missions, I knew it was only a matter of time before something would happen. I tried everything I could to get to her, but she had shut me out. I failed her.” 

I watched the turmoil on Wanda’s face. I hated that I had caused Y/n to close herself off to the world again. “Wanda, it’s not your fault. I broke her when I promised I never would. She cares for you, and she would hate that you are blaming yourself.” I try to comfort her. She sniffles and nods in acknowledgement. “Why did you do it?” She asked quietly but her eyes were boring into me.

I took a breath. “It’s a shit excuse, but with all the fighting we were doing, I convinced myself that we were coming to an end, and it was best to end it. I was too lost to realise that I was the cause of all the fighting and Y/n was just trying to help. When I came home to find the divorce papers, it felt like my world stopped. I took her for granted thinking that she would always be there no matter how horrible I was.” I explained. I was waiting for another punch or yelling but nothing came.

Wanda looked at me with sad eyes. “Is that why you cheated?” She asked and was quickly shaking my head. “I didn’t cheat. Well not like she thinks. I lied.” I said and I saw a hint of anger in Wanda’s eyes. “You lied about cheating?” She asked clearly not believing me, but I quickly told her to go into my mind and see what really happened that night. When her eyes returned to their normal emerald green she sighed. “I’m terrified that I’m going to lose her, like I lost Clint, but she won’t know that I’m sorry and I truly love her. She’s my light, my life. I can’t live in this world without her.” I started to cry and was shocked when Wanda comforted me.

“You broke her walls down once, maybe you can do it again.” She said calmly. “You really think she’d let me back in?” I asked surprised. “There was one emotion she couldn’t shut off from me the last few weeks, her love for you. It was so strong she couldn’t block it off. That doesn’t mean that she’ll forgive you, but I know she got the papers to protect herself. She thought it would stop the pain, but it didn’t.” She explained and I felt a small bit of hope.

The next morning, I was woken by Steve rushing into my room. “The quinjet is about to land. Y/n is on it.” He said out of breath. I shot out of bed and ran with him to the landing pad. “Do we know how she is?” I asked, wanting to be prepared for what we were about to see. “No, Fury’s team found her but there was no report of her condition.” He shared. We arrived and I stood next to Wanda, taking her hand in mine to give her comfort.

We could hear an argument from the back of the yet. “Y/n, you need to go to the medbay, please just get on the gurney.” We could hear Bruce say frustrated. “I’m fine Bruce, I don’t need a bed. My legs will be able to carry me to the medbay and I’ll let you do what every you need to do.” Hearing her voice was a relief and I could hear Wanda let out a big of a chuckle. As Y/n appeared at the back of jet, I noticed that she was covered in cuts and bruises and her shirt was saturated in blood.

Bruce was walking next to her, helping her as she limped her way over towards us. Wanda was quick to let go of my hand and made her way to Y/n. She was hesitant but still pulled her into a hug. “You scared the shit out of me! Don’t you dare do that again.” She scolded, but Wanda was quick to hug her again. “Here, let me help you.” Steve said, jogging over to help Bruce get Y/n to the medbay.

My heart rate was increasing with every step closer they took. Then our eyes met and for a brief moment it was like I couldn’t breathe. “As if getting shot wasn’t bad enough.” She muttered under her breath, but loud enough that I could hear. I followed as they took her to the medbay and watched as they started to patch her up. Wanda stayed with her whilst the rest of us observed from the waiting area.

Once he was done, Bruce came out to give us an update. “She’s doing good. Bullet wound to her shoulder and abdomen, but both were through and throughs. She did a good job of keeping them clean and stemming the bleeding until she was found. She got some small injuries such as broken ribs, fractured eye socket and a few broken fingers. But they’ll heal over time. She’s lucky.” She explained and we thanked him before making our way into the room. I took my place next to Y/n and couldn’t hold back anymore.

I grabbed her hand between mine. “Thank God you’re ok. I was so scared.” I said through tears. She turned to look at me, but her eyes were empty. Wanda was right, she had closed herself off again. She didn’t respond to me, but she also didn’t take her hand away. “What happened?” Wanda asked from her seat next to Y/n’s bed. “Mission went sideways. I was able to fight them off as best I could before I got hit. Thankfully I was able to get away. But the bleeding was too much so I took shelter in an abandoned hut. I was in and out of consciousness for a while and with no comms I had no way to call for help. Eventually I was found by a hunter and his son. They helped me get in contact with Fury and now I’m here.” She summarised.

Wanda held her hand tighter and ran her hand through Y/n’s hair. “I thought I lost you. Please, you have to be more careful and stop taking so many missions.” She pleaded. We were all surprised when Y/n agreed so easily. The team started to disperse, saying their goodbyes leaving just Wanda, Y/n and me. Wanda looked between us and stood up to leave. “I’ll come back later with some dinner.” She said but Y/n wouldn’t let go of her hand. I could tell they were having a conversation in their minds and obviously Wanda won when Y/n let go of her hand.

I sat in silence for a moment thinking about what to say, but it turns out I didn’t have to. “Have you signed the papers yet?” She asked coldly. Her words were like daggers to my heart. “No, and I don’t plan to.” I responded and she scoffed. “You were the one that wanted a divorce Natasha, just sign them and we can move on.” She retorted, not making eye contact with me once.

I know Y/n more than I know myself. I can always get a pretty good read on her. I thought it would be difficult if she had closed herself off, but I could tell she was in so much physical pain, that she wasn’t able to fight to keep those walls up right now. And I knew she didn’t really want me to sign the papers. She’s trying to protect herself. “I don’t want to move on. I want to make things right with my wife.” I said firmly. “Ex-wife.” She muttered and once again her words hurt. But I deserved it.

“You’re not my ex-wife. We’re not divorced yet and I don’t plan of letting that happen.” I insist. “If you don’t sign them, I’ll go through the courts if I have to. I have grounds for divorce. You cheated on me. My lawyer said that I can proceed with that alone.” She explained and I realised just how much she had done in a short space of time. “Well, I didn’t cheat, your grounds are gone. So how about you just talk to me for a moment before trying to force through a divorce that neither of us want.” I kind of shouted and I saw her flinch slightly.

“Don’t lie Natasha, you’ve already hurt me enough, please just stop.” She said, her voice cracking. “I’m not lying. I did kiss another woman that night. I was drunk and then as she wanted more, I stopped it. I didn’t sleep with her because even in my drunk ass state, I couldn’t do that to you. You don’t know how much I regret even kissing her, let alone then letting you believe that I cheated on you. Wanda read my mind, she can show you that I’m not lying.” I quickly explain hoping she’ll believe me.

“Then why did you say you did? Did you just want to hurt me?” She asked and I hated my response, but I had to be truthful. “At the time yes. I was angry and I thought the only way I could process everything was in my own stupid way. I was frustrated when you would try to help so I just pushed you away and then lied so I could get you to leave me.” I said shamefully, unable to keep eye contact. I could hear her sniffling and it was killing me knowing I was causing her pain all over again.

I then heard shuffling as she started to get out of bed, pulling off the wires attached to her body. “Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” I said jumping out of my seat to push her back into the bed. “I can’t stay here right now. My own wife just admitted that she wanted to hurt me. When all I had ever done was try to help her through her grief. I took every harsh word you ever said to me because I knew you were hurting, and you didn’t mean it. It was more important that I was there for you. But that night, I looked in your eyes and I could tell you did mean it. My wife, my Natasha, would never have treated ANYONE like that regardless of what she was going through.” She was crying and she was angry, and she was right.

I fight with her a little to make sure she stays in her bed. I can’t have her hurt herself anymore. “Please just stay here. You’ll make your injuries worse. If you want, I’ll leave and give you space.” I tried to bargain with her. She huffed and dropped back on the bed, giving a slight hiss in pain. “I don’t want space. I want to stop feeling all this pain. I want to stop feeling like the world is slowly falling from underneath me. I can’t do this until you let me move on. So just sign the god damn papers.” She almost yelled.

I did this too her. I caused this pain and turmoil by being selfish. But I wasn’t going to give up on her. “I’m not signing the papers.” I insisted once again. “I made you a promise on our wedding day that I would fight for us through anything. I broke that promise which I will never forgive myself for. But I still plan on living by that promise now. There is no one else like you in this world. You make me feel whole and without you there is just darkness. I let myself get lost in grief and used it as an excuse to act out. I know that you still love me. I also know that you are trying to protect yourself because you think that I’ll just end up hurting you again. So let me make one more promise to you that I will never break. I will never stop loving you and I will never hurt you again. Just please give me one more chance.”

I’m pleading to her through my own tears and every minute of silence is slowly killing me. I’m losing her, I’ve fucked up and I’m going to lose her. “Please, what can I do to get you to give me one more chance.” I begged. She sighed but looked up at me. “Go to therapy. You need to process what happened with Clint before you can commit to our marriage again. You need to help yourself before you can help me.” She said and I nodded along in agreement. “Anything for you. I’ll get myself sorted and I’ll be the best wife that you deserve. But you need to make me a promise.” I said, hoping I wasn’t crossing a line.

She raised and eyebrow at me but encouraged me to carry one. “Stop closing yourself off and going on dangerous missions to deal with your own pain. Wanda won’t cope if she loses you and I need my funny, caring, and loving wife.” I explained and she looked down to her lap, but she eventually nodded.

I sat on the side of her bed and pulled her towards me and placed a kiss on her head. “We’ll get through this. I’ll make everything up to you and we’ll be back to where we were. Ready for the rest of our lives together and maybe starting that family we talked about.” I said hesitantly, hoping she still wanted the same things that I did. “I love you, Tasha.” Those simple words brought warmth to my heart, and I started to sob into our embrace before responding “I love you too my Angel.”

[sylvies-chen]

my favourite thing about season 2 hands down was watching them bring darcy’s storyline to life and it really highlights what heartstopper as a comic-book-turned-television-show does so so well, which is encompass different forms of queer trauma/struggle

this season focused a lot on nick’s journey with coming out, the steps forwards and backwards he takes. it also shows him dealing with actual homophobic sentiments directed at him in his own home for the first time (can I get a good ol’ FUCK david nelson up in here? thank you!) which he has to learn to handle if he wants to come out sadly. and gaining that strength to step forward into the public eye and even just the point of having to actively own and protect your identity is definitely a valid struggle and anxiety-inducing thing, as we all see.

charlie’s trauma is also explored, though it takes to the end of season/vol 2 to get us there, in that spot where he opens up about it. the eating problems is definitely the red flag that consistently and subtly pops up throughout the season, but we don’t get that full unravelling of the impact it’s had on him until the last episode. he got outed and bullied at school at an age where social acceptance and community is so integral to your self-esteem. and he hasn’t developed healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the lasting impacts of it.

but darcy’s trauma and struggle weighed on my heart so much this season too, because not only is kizzy just a phenomenal actor but also because it provided a whole other angle of trauma that charlie and nick haven’t quite been through: the trauma of homophobia from a parent. like, it is so crushing to learn that the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally just… doesn’t. nick has his mum, and charlie has tori as a protector and supporter, and his parents too in their very misguided way. they both have at least one family figure in the household that embraces them and, at the very least, will defend them. but darcy doesn’t, and her friends are her only support system. which doesn’t make her struggles any worse or better than nick’s or charlie’s, but it just brings a different angle into how she interacts with the group and I loved getting to watch her finally be able to open up.

I could also go into ben, how he represents a fourth sort of struggle which is when queer repression and internalized homophobia take a toll on your moral character, but instead I just want to wrap up by saying that as much as heartstopper represents the varying ways in which queer struggles impact your life, it does so thricefold in representing the different ways in which queerness and queer community heal you, making life more vibrant and fun and peaceful.

so… yeah. I’m not emotional you are.

[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: heard of hearing and/or partially blind Steve + his parents realizing. Maybe they come home & see how their house has changed to be more accessible for Steve? Or something like that.

HONESTLY THIS ONE HURTED. But as usual, you provide the quality shit!!!! Poor Steve, but also if it ain't hurt/comfort, then did I even write it? Everyone loves Steve. Except his parents. His parents suck. But everyone else? Angels. Hope you love it darling!!! - Mickala ❤️

--------------------------------------------------------------

Concussions were a bitch.

Multiple concussions in a three year period were a bitch.

But the worst part was when he noticed he couldn’t hear out of his left ear. Robin had been talking to him at work on his left side, whispering about some customer that was walking down every single aisle as if they didn’t know what movies were out, and he didn’t even notice until she switched sides halfway through a sentence.

He pretended it was fine, that he’d heard her the whole time, but then she asked him a question he couldn’t answer. She walked to his left side and said something, and when he shook his head, she bit her lip, fighting back tears.

“It’s okay, Robs. I can still hear out of the other one,” Steve said to comfort her, but also to comfort himself.

If he lost it in one ear, he could lose it in the other, and then what?

She tried to convince him to get a hearing aid, but he didn’t think he needed one.

“Your parents sent you money for medical expenses, use it for this!”

But he couldn’t.

And then he started getting blurry vision in both eyes. The left was rapidly growing worse, and Dustin noticed.

“Dude, you’re squinting. Do you have a migraine? You could’ve had Eddie drive me.”

“Nah, just tired. Trying to focus.”

Part of that was true. The squinting helped him focus a little, but he knew he had to do something about it.

So he sat down with Robin and came up with a plan.

He hated every fucking second of it.

“You get a scan first, we need to know if this is gonna keep getting worse or what permanent damage is there. You get glasses-“

“I might not need-“

“You get glasses. Then you get fitted for a hearing aid.”

“Yes ma’am,” Steve rolled his eyes.

But looking back, he was grateful Robin made him do it.

The doctors had been amazed he was able to talk with the damage done.

“Will I lose my ability to talk?” He asked, realizing that not being able to hear, see, and talk was too much for him to deal with.

“I think we can work through some physical therapy type exercises to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m glad you came in now and not a few years from now.”

Robin never said ‘I told you so,’ probably sensing that Steve wasn’t coping well with the news.

They told him he would most likely lose all hearing over the years, and his vision would progressively get worse, though it would most likely plateau and he wouldn’t lose it completely.

They said he needed to do vocal exercises every day, brain exercises as often as possible, and to come back the moment he recognized any change in his speech.

So he lived with the anxiety of not being able to communicate with anyone he loved every second of every day.

Dustin, Will, Mike, and Max had done research for weeks, finding things they could do to help him live in his house alone. Sure, they were there often, almost enough to be considered roommates, but that wouldn’t always be the case.

They would all grow up and leave.

Max had lost her own vision after Vecna, only able to see light and sometimes movement, but never any detail.

The day he got his glasses, she threatened him with murder if he didn’t wear them.

“The more you strain your eyes, the worse they’ll get. Wear the glasses. I’m sure you look just as cute as always.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that, but he didn’t want to piss Max off, so he wore them all day every day.

Dustin had found a way to wire the doorbell to the lights in the whole house, so if it rang, and somehow Steve couldn’t hear, he’d see the lights flash three times from any room he was in.

He’d done something similar with the walkie, so Steve would know if someone was trying to communicate with him.

Will figured out a light system for the phone, where it flashed with green while it rang and red if he missed a call that went to their voicemail.

It only worked if he was in the kitchen, living room, or his bedroom and paying attention, but the thought behind it made him want to cry.

He got debilitating migraines frequently, which left him bedbound, unable to even get up to use the bathroom on his own sometimes.

They figured out a signal for his walkie that he could push the button in a sort of Morse code to make sure someone knew he needed help.

If he couldn’t get to his walkie for some reason, Dustin programmed buttons on all the phones: *1 called Robin, *2 called Eddie, and *3 called Dustin.

All of his meds were moved to the drawer by his bed, with a reminder note in every room of his house, just in case he forgot.

Which was apparently another thing he had to worry about: his memory.

The doctors seemed to think he would be okay if he stayed active and healthy otherwise, and definitely needed to avoid another concussion, but they did say he could notice some issues as he got older.

Mike looked up what vitamins he needed to help boost his memory and vision, and increased his iron intake to hopefully stave off some of the migraines before they even started. He put the instructions with his medication reminders all over the house.

But what surprised him most was what happened when his parents came home early on a random Thursday morning.

He was dealing with a bit of a migraine hangover, the day before being a blur of calling for help, reaching for his meds, and Eddie arriving to make sure he stayed hydrated and made it to the bathroom as needed.

Eddie was still here, in fact.

So when he heard them banging around downstairs, his eyes flew open and he looked at a still sleeping, very shirtless Eddie next to him in his bed.

Nothing happened obviously. Eddie just ran hot.

But his parents had already been questioning him a lot about not having a girlfriend in a while and hanging out with “queers” like those two things alone could make him gay.

And if they saw Eddie like this, they would make assumptions.

Assumptions that would get him kicked out of the house that everyone just worked so hard to make accessible for him.

So he got up as quickly, but quietly as he could, ignoring the buzz in his ear where his hearing aid was loose from sleeping in it. He wasn’t technically supposed to, but he didn’t like anyone touching his head on migraine days so it stayed in.

Eddie didn’t budge, and he hoped he stayed that way while he tried to keep his parents busy.

Then the lights flashed and he heard the distant high pitched ring of the doorbell.

“What the hell?” His father asked as Steve ran down the stairs.

“Steven?” His mother asked as he flew past them and made it to the front door.

“Steve!” Dustin yelled excitedly as Steve glared at him.

“Dustin, not now.”

“Why? I saw Eddie’s van, so I figured-“

“Who is at the door, Steven?”

Steve closed his eyes and heard Dustin mumble ‘shit’, before he turned around to face his parents.

His glasses were dirty, but he could see that the looks on their faces were not impressed.

“Since when do you wear glasses?” His mom asked.

“Is that a hearing aid?” His dad added.

“Dustin, I’ll call you later.”

“Answer the questions.”

“I started wearing glasses and the hearing aid after a few concussions that caused a lot of damage.”

“What’s going on with the lights? Do they always flicker like that?”

Steve hadn’t really expected them to care much about him, but it still hurt a little how quickly they became concerned about the house instead of him.

“They’re a visual aid so if I’m not wearing my hearing aid or my hearing gets worse, I’ll know when the doorbell rings.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Yeah, it is,” Eddie said from the stairs, luckily not shirtless.

“Who the hell are you?” Steve’s dad didn’t waste time with pleasantries, he never did unless someone had something to offer him.

“I’m Eddie. Steve’s friend.”

“His friend?” Steve’s mom was hesitant to be obvious about what she meant, but everyone could understand where she was going with the questioning.

“Yeah, or would you prefer if we were boyfriends?”

Steve couldn’t help the snort he let out.

Eddie wasn’t the type to hide himself away, but he wouldn’t purposely make Steve’s life harder.

“Is there a reason you’re here?”

“I was taking care of him yesterday. It got late so I stayed.”

“Take care of him?” His mother turned back towards him. “Are you sick?”

“I get migraines.”

“We all get migraines, Steven,” his father said as he crossed his arms.

“But we all don’t get the kind that leave us crying and throwing up for hours on end because we can’t even see straight, do we, Richard?” Eddie asked as he walked closer to them.

“I don’t know who you think you are-“

“I told you, I’m Eddie. And as far as I’m concerned, I, and quite a few other people in town, are quite good at taking care of Steve. Unlike his parents.”

“Steve’s a grown man-“

“Yeah, now. But where were you when he wasn’t and got the concussions that caused this?”

Steve could feel his head pulsing, and he knew his migraine would be back at full force if he didn’t rest.

He took his hearing aid out for a bit of relief, the volume of his father and Eddie arguing going down considerably.

He massaged his neck the best he could, knowing that the release of some tension would at least keep the pain at bay until this could be over.

Then, he saw the phone start flashing green.

“What is going on with the phone?”

His mother directed the question at him, but Eddie stopped berating his father long enough to answer her.

“It’s so Steve knows it’s ringing if he happens to have his hearing aid out like he does now. In case no one is here with him and someone needs to reach him.”

“That explains not answering our calls.”

“I think that could just be that you don’t call at all.”

Eddie moved closer to Steve.

“Go upstairs, Stevie,” he said quietly into his right ear. “I can handle them.”

Steve was too tired, too frustrated, too borderline on a migraine to fight.

He walked upstairs, ignoring his father’s protests, his mother’s pleas, and Eddie standing in front of them both raising his voice to be heard.

Everything felt blurry as he removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes when he made it up the stairs.

His room was dark still, the blackout curtains still drawn closed, lights off, like Eddie had suspected it might be a bad day again.

His pills were on the table, a cup of water next to them. He set his glasses down and took them, trusting that Eddie followed the instructions perfectly.

He always did.

He always took such good care of him.

He came at the drop of a hat, even if Robin was already here. He brought Steve’s favorite soda, insisted it helped with migraines even though it probably didn’t. He massaged the spot on Steve’s neck that always held the most tension, pulled him close until he fell asleep on the couch or in the bed, always on his chest.

He’d been learning and teaching everyone sign language too.

Steve had started learning immediately, and so did Robin, but Eddie had insisted on it too, and started teaching the kids. He’d been showing Max one sign at a time, putting her fingers and hands into the movement so she knew how to do it.

And Steve didn’t think he could love Eddie more.

But he figured if Eddie was interested in him, he would have made a move already.

He could very distantly hear Eddie’s voice saying something, but he wasn’t sure what. With his hearing aid out, he usually couldn’t hear anything downstairs from his room.

He closed his eyes, settling under the blankets so he could try to do what Eddie wanted him to.

He drifted in and out, tired, but not quite enough to fall asleep all the way.

At some point, Eddie had made it back to the room and got in bed, his hand running through Steve’s hair gently.

“Eds?”

“It’s alright, Stevie. Your parents are gone. They won’t be back again for a while.”

“Mkay.”

He let himself drift again, safe with Eddie there.

[lucy90712]

Can you do a Jude Bellingham imagine where his girlfriend is very burnt out from school. They do long distance so she tries to get everything done so she can go spend time with him & watch him play. One day when she lands to watch him play against Barcelona he finds her stress crying in the room alone because she tries to be there for everyone around her but it’s costing her to stress out about getting things in on time. Somehow Jude calms her & they enjoy their day before he plays against Barcelona.

Thank you

-a very stressed & burnt out student

A/n: this is me right now too, I hope things get easier for you soon

WC: 2.0k The last few weeks maybe even months have been so stressful. Ever since I went back to university I have done nothing but go to classes and study. I know it's my final year but I didn't think it would be this difficult but there is just so much to do between assignments for classes and preparations for my dissertation. For the first few weeks I feel like I was coping pretty well but recently it's all just hit me like a truck and now I feel like I'm drowning in books and being suffocated by deadlines. 

To make it all 100 times worse where I chose to go to uni is away from my family and very far from my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong I love it here but at times like this I just wish that I had someone here to tell me it's all going to be ok. I've been really missing not just my family but my boyfriend Jude as well, I haven't seen Jude since before I came back to uni which was at the end of august and it's been killing me. I also haven't been able to talk to him as much as I would like as I've been really busy and he's been busy too with his move to Real Madrid and having to get used to living and playing over there. 

These last few months have been hard on our relationship, even though we've been long distance for a few years now we have never gone this long without seeing each other and the fact that we haven't talked as much hasn't helped. Finally we are going to see each other though as I'm flying over to see him play and just to spend a few days with him which has got me through the last few days. In order to be able to go and see Jude I have been working extra hard to get my work done as I want to actually spend time with him which I can't do if I have assignments to do but it's been difficult. All week I've only left my apartment to go to classes and I've pulled far too many all nighters but I've got quite a lot done so I guess it's somewhat worth it although I still have some things to do. 

I had an alarm set to wake me up before my flight but it wasn't needed as I'd been awake all night packing and doing uni work. The worst part was despite all my hard work I had to pack a few of my textbooks and my laptop as I didn't manage to finish everything in time. I tried to put that behind me though as I got to the airport because I still want to enjoy my time with Jude and if I'm stressed and feeling down then I'm not going to make the most of the time which I really do want to do. Jude has been telling me all week how much he's been looking forward to today he promised me that we was going to get up early to pick me up from the airport before he has to go to training which is how I know he's serious as he hates getting up in the morning. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After a few hours in the air I landed on Spanish soil and somehow I immediately felt a bit more relaxed as I knew it was only a matter of time until I would be in Jude's arms which is exactly what I need. As I got off the plane I text Jude to let him know I had landed which he answered right away telling me he was already waiting for me in the arrivals lounge with a disguise on so he didn't get recognised. Knowing he was waiting for me made me walk a bit quicker to collect my bag and once it was in sight I grabbed it and ran towards where Jude would be waiting for me. 

It took me a minute to find Jude but eventually I saw him stood with a hat and sunglasses on which didn't offer much of a disguise but he wasn't surrounded by people so clearly it does something. Once he saw me coming he swiftly made his way over until he was close enough to pick me up and nearly kill me with how tightly he held me. It felt so good to be in his arms again and smell his cologne it made me feel like I was home again which is exactly what I've been needing. Jude held onto me for a good while before he took my bag in one hand and my hand in the other leading me out to his car which was parked outside. Once we got in the car Jude leaned straight over the centre console and smashed his lips onto mine which led to us making out for a bit too long so we had to rush back to Jude's place on he could drop me off before going to his training session. 

Once Jude had left I went and made myself some breakfast as I didn't have time to eat before I left and I had to make myself a cup of tea because despite being in Spain I'm still British and we can't go a day without a cup of tea. Jude knows me well enough that he had brought a new pack of my favourite tea and put it on a shelf he knows I can reach along with a mug which he had clearly just brought for me. I enjoyed my cup of tea before I took my bag upstairs to go and unpack. To my surprise the room was quite clean and Jude had cleaned out one of his draws for me, well not quite there was a few hoodies and t shirts in there still but he left me a note telling me I can wear them so they are mine now. Of course I had to put a hoodie on before starting to unpack all of my stuff. 

I unpacked most of my stuff pretty quickly but then I got to the bottom of my suitcase and saw just how many text books and folders I had to pack. Seeing it made the realisation hit me that I still have so much work to do and once again all of the stresses started weighing down on me like it was physically crushing me. All week I've been so deep into work mode I bottled up all my emotions but now they are all coming out at once and for some reason I can't stop crying. It's like all of the pressure and stress has finally reached the surface and the mental breakdown all my friends warned was coming has finally arrived. I've never felt so overwhelmed in my life and I just don't know how to cope all I do know is that I need to get myself together before Jude gets back as I don't want to worry him plus I want to enjoy our time together. 

My attempts to calm myself down didn't go well if anything I just got more overwhelmed and cried more. I was so in my own world that I completely lost track of time so when I heard the front door close and Jude call my name I panicked. As his footsteps got closer to the bedroom I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my face but then I realised my eyes would still be all red so I just put the hood on the hoodie up to try and cover my face.

"Hi darling do you need any help unpacking?" Jude asked a he walked in 

"N-no I'm f-fine" I sniffled

"Babe what's wrong?" He asked clearly concerned 

"Nothing" I said 

"I know you're lying to me I can hear you sniffling what's made you so upset you know you can tell me anything" he said trying to make me open up

"I'm sorry I'm just stressed I've got so much work to do for uni I worked so hard all week so we could actually spend some time together but I couldn't finish everything and now I have loads of texts books in my suitcase and I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed I'm really sorry I'm ruining our time together" I rambled 

"Hey hey slow down it's ok there's no need to be sorry it's ok tell me exactly what's going on and we can fix it together" Jude comforted 

"I still have two assignments I need to finish before the end of the week and I'm so exhausted from pulling so many all nighters but I just want to actually spend some time with you because I've really missed you" I said a bit more calmly this time 

"Ok we can work this out I know you're tired but how about I help you finish those assignments then we can just have a relaxing evening together get some sleep and be ready to do something together tomorrow" Jude suggested 

"That sounds good" I said 

Jude then picked me up and sat me on his bed before grabbing my laptop and books for me. I explained to him what I needed to do and then we go to work together. One of my assignments I just needed to reread so Jude did that for me to make sure there were no mistakes then I just needed to finish one other assignment and then do the same. Jude was so helpful and read the parts of my textbooks I needed to me while I typed and he let me talk through my ideas with him even though he doesn't understand what I'm studying. In just over and hour we were done and I instantly felt so much better and when Jude started giving me kisses I felt even better. 

 Being the amazing boyfriend that he is Jude got some chocolate from downstairs for me to eat while he ran a bath for the both of us to share. It was only when Jude came to ask me which bubble bath I prefer that I realised just how much he had brought for my visit. He doesn’t like to take baths so he wouldn’t have bubble bath just lying around and the chocolate I was eating was my favourite one so he must’ve got that especially for me as well. Jude is such a sweet boyfriend all the time but little things like this just make me realise how truly perfect he is and it makes me so grateful that I ended up with Jude as I know he truly cares for me. 

Once the bath was ready Jude helped me get in then he got in himself and sat behind me letting me rest my back against his chest. The entire atmosphere was so relaxing which helped me finally let go of all the stress and anxiety that has been fuelling me for the last few weeks. Nothing needed to be said either both of us were more than content just sitting there in silence as Jude’s fingers played with the rings on my hand especially the promise ring which he gave me last Valentine’s Day which I think is my favourite piece of jewellery I own. After a while of just relaxing Jude started to wash my body for me which meant I didn’t have to move at all as his hands gently rubbed over my skin. 

Once the both of us were clean we got out the bath and Jude gave me some of his clothes for me to put on which I very happily did. He then picked me up and carried me downstairs to the sofa where he piled blankets on top of me before sitting down and spreading them out properly. All of the sudden I felt the tiredness take over so I snuggled up to Jude and just let my eyes close and sleep consume me. Just as I was drifting off I felt Jude kiss the top of my head and whisper I love you which put a smile on my face just as I went into a dreamland. 

[gayboysteve]

It makes such perfect sense to view Marmalade as a manifestation of her wild youth whereas "Baron" is the simple dreamer she wishes she could've been. His being naive and his misusage of words are SO important. He's the person that could've been. And then the "Baron" we see after leaving the prison is the grounded mature version of both mixed together- calculating but also kind, a man but also a woman. Marmalade created Baron to protect her from her trauma and to control her more wild impulses; while in kinda Baron created Marmalade to protect his inner softness that wasn't able to be beaten out of them by a cruel life. "I just want to be with my one and only. She's my girl to protect."

And Baron is talking about themselves. She is her own protector. He has his own plan for justice. Not just for himself, not even just for their mother, but for other abused kids who were failed by a corrupt system and other old people who were failed by an entirely different corrupt system. (Both are represented by the same CEO.) To do so he must let that part out of herself again- that rage-filled impulsive girl stunted by her abuse. It's not a coincidence she appears just after Baron gets news about his mother's medication rising. She is his protector as much as he is hers.

It's important that Baron describes Marmalade as his dream girl to Otis. It's just not the kind of dream that Otis interprets. She basically "arrives" ( maladaptive coping mechanisms reemerging) to plan out the heist. It isn't just that Baron is the person Marmalade wishes she could've been in another life (naive and kind and part of a community), it's that while Marmalade is also a representation of their wild youthfulness she is also now the person that the present "Baron" (recently presented with the rising cost of his mother's medication and medical bills) wishes he could embody again despite having grown out of it because of his loving mother's influence.

I think it's very important that the almost sex scene after they get the masks but right before Mama Eda "dies" is shot almost like a horror sequence with discordant music and quick flashes of Marmalade on top of Baron in their respective masks. This happened just after the heist of the thrift shop where they stole the masks, Marmalade pistol-whipping the cashier before fleeing. An old woman staring up at Baron in fear on her knees.

Whether this is the reality of how this played out (with obviously just Marmalade there) is unimportant. Baron and Marmalade are the same person and when she looks into that mask and sees herself she's horrified at what she's capable of, the kind of harm she can inflict even when her intentions are at the end of the day pure of heart. That her letting back in her past negative impulses makes her a worse person than she is as the adult "Baron" who has repressed his trauma but matured because of their loving relationship with their mother.

Mama Eda's "death" comes quickly after and Marmalade's culpability is called into question narratively. She increasingly answers that she doesn't know what happened and that she was in the other room. She wasn't present. Nor was Baron. This, I think stems from Marmalade's manifestation of her guilt over Mama Eda being in a home where they can't actually care for her directly- and as a manifestation of any potential fears he might have at the idea of attempting to do so. As well, it's just a very real fear of her mother's inevitable death, especially as the heist has already commenced and now the final act is in motion.

If her plan fails then he won't be there for Mama Eda. There won't be anyone there to deliver the pills she (and others need) and thus if the plan fails then any deterioration in her mama's health is her fault. Her culpability for the plan. For not being there. For being in another room when/if/should the time quickly come.

Which is why I think the confrontation between "Baron" and Marmalade is so important. It isn't Baron being unable to trust Marmalade it's Marmalade being unable to trust herself. Trust in her plan and so the two sides of herself stand against each other in a kind of opposition. Self-blame and doubt, rage all in response to the fear she feels at the final leg of the plan.

It's important that this is the last time that we see Marmalade as she appears in the physical manifestation of "Baron's" story. The music goes dreamlike and ethereal as they speak. "You are the man of my fucking dreams. I love you like I've never loved anyone and I've never been loved."

Marmalade is speaking to herself. The version of the man that she's become and the person she is now; it's representative of Marmalade reconciling his past trauma while preparing for the final play in her plan- enacting revenge against those that caused her trauma. Marmalade as the wild youth she was before meeting Mama Eda was someone who never felt like she was loved, and that part of herself is now looking at the grown version of her that loves her back and accepts herself for all her faults. Her parting words are, "Dream big or don't dream at all".

And then we're thrust into the action from the start of the story with "Baron" getting arrested. And so she has now fully become one with herself. Both facets of her life are on the same page, reconciliation of the self. Acknowledgment of that trauma and the plan to enact in order to move on from it.

And then the final piece in her puzzle- Otis. She obviously had been keeping tabs on him. The comment about keeping his hair long because of a show he watched about Rastafarians tells us that he already knew about Otis' mother being from Jamaica. Baron had to sell Otis on Marmalade, he had to make Otis fall in love with her and trust what Baron was telling him was true about their love for each other. Baron needed to truly love Marmalade in order for the story to sell and the plan to work. And by embodying that she finally learned to fully love and accept herself.

"I just want to be with my one and only. She's my girl to protect."

[iskratempestmadness]

Please can i request Baki with a crazy reader, like clinical insane, can we have his reaction with reader running out of the asylum, would he help her or put reader back in the hospital? Also how would he react with reader picking alot of figths in the asylum...sorry if my english is broke, i'm too lazy to check it 😁

Oh, it was hard, but I kind of did it.

Baki:

- Oh...

- he's confused...

- of course he's glad to see you, to spend time with you again, he'll give you shelter, but the more time he spends with you, the more convinced he is that he made the wrong decision

- the actions that you do have to be dealt with by him and it bothers him, but he has no choice but to just fix what he has done

- the interaction between you is also changing. He just doesn't know how you're going to behave in the next second, and it knocks him out of his rut.

- for example, you are talking calmly and then you just take and pour water on your feet from a kettle that has just boiled... He really doesn't know how to react to this. Naturally, he will provide you with first aid, contact Kureha, but he does not know how to prevent such situations in advance ...

- the more time Baki spends with you, the more convinced he is that you need to return and continue treatment... And the Kureha will confirm this.

- he will feel guilty as if he betrayed you, but Baki will convince himself that he did it for your own good.

Hanayama:

- It's hard for him.

- on the one hand, he is happy that you are back and that you are spending time with him as before, but he sees your insanity and... It's really sad for him.

- he will cover you and your actions to the end. He is a Yakuza boss, he has the opportunity to do this...

- the reason for this is his love for you, but Hana cannot close her eyes to your actions, although she tries very hard

- but the more time he spends with you, the more convinced he is that you need help.

- Hana sees that your insanity is more harmful to you than to others. He understands this when he comes home and sees you lighting a fire there, justifying your movements by saying that you "just wanted to cook him dinner, you didn't want to do anything wrong"

- and... It makes him sad... Or rather, he really feels sorry for you.. He's sorry that you're hurting yourself...

- as a result, Hana will prefer to hire personal ones for you, or send you to some elite clinic so that you will be treated more delicately.

Katsumi:

- shock

- and then the joy. You should know how much he missed you, how much he wanted to see you...

- He is so glad that at first he does not even notice his insanity, his joy has blinded him

- time passes and he begins to notice it, and the more time he spends with you, the more obvious it becomes to him.

- the most striking example of this was that you attacked him, of course, he was able to easily cope with you, but the fact that you explained your act by saying that Katsumi seemed frightening to you, made his mind completely clear

- and this causes him to panic. He doesn't know what you're going to do or if he can stop it, and it really makes him afraid.

- HE STILL CONTINUES TO BELIEVE YOU. He listens to how you were treated in a mental hospital, how you missed him, how painful it was for you without him. Even though your stories sometimes sound too absurd.

- and he will keep you with him, will justify your actions, try to cover for you when necessary, but he understands perfectly well that over time you get worse... Then why does Katsumi keep doing this? Perhaps because he still continues to live with memories... Or maybe it's because he doesn't know what you can do if you find out that he's going to put you in a mental hospital.

Jack:

- confused

- he's glad to see you, he missed you, but that situation is really worried about you.

- However, compared to others, he is more tolerant of this. He is naturally disturbed by your frequent mood swings, harsh laughter or crying, and lack of adequacy in behavior. However, he can bear it.

- but Jack WON'T let you hurt people or yourself. He'll grab you in his bear hug and won't let you go until you calm down. You kick, bite him, scream, hit him, it doesn't matter. He won't let you go until you calm down.

- he also makes sure that he made the wrong decision, but still leaves you with him for a while.

- a lot of consultations with the Courier, both telephone and personal. I may have brought him to you several times, but apart from the conclusion that you need to return to the mental hospital, nothing followed.

- Jack knows that very well himself. That's why he's going to send you back to the asylum. Not without remorse, but he did it anyway.

Retsu:

- his first thought is: "Oh my God"

- he knows perfectly well what's wrong with you

- even if you start lying to him that you've recovered, he won't believe you.

- it seems to me Retsu has seen a lot in this life, he is experienced, so one glance is enough for him to ensure that your condition leaves much to be desired.

- he'll send you to the hospital right away. Immediately. He is sure that it will be better for you and for the society. He understands perfectly well that you yourself cannot predict your actions, so he will do exactly that.

- but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel guilty about it. He is also experiencing a strong one.

- he was tempted to take you in, leave you for a while, try to limit your actions, somehow help you personally, but he understands that in your case it won't help ...

- in general, he did what he had to do

Shibukawa:

- ohhh

- this old man immediately realizes that something is wrong with you as soon as you cross the threshold of his house

- it takes him a couple of days to figure out what's wrong with you

- inadequate reaction, risky actions, even the smallest ones, aggression without a reason... It more than gives you away

- just like Retsu, he is experienced, he has lived a long life, he has seen a lot, including similar situations... But he could not even think how difficult it is sometimes to make the right decision

- he could have pretended that everything was fine with you in order to live as before, he would just have to keep you in check, so that you wouldn't do stupid things...

- however, he didn't do that... Because it won't do you any good, it might also make you feel worse.

- that's why he decides that bringing you back would be the best solution.

[runnning-outof-time]

Where the Sky Opens Up to Everything | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by @notyour-valentine

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader (pre-war)

Summary: Tommy and (Y/N) get away from the smoke and the dirt of Small Heath, where Tommy is finally able to clear his mind for a moment.

Warnings: drinking, mentions of/coping with the loss of a parent, injuries

Word Count: 3477

A/N: it was so fun to be able to write a bit of pre-war Tommy again…he’s just so fun to explore. I took inspiration from a line in the song called Darling by Zach Bryan - it’s italicized in the story. I also took inspiration from this set of pictures…it’s what I imagine the field to look like. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

-1910-

(Y/N) was sitting in the front room when the sound of incessant knocking began ringing through the otherwise quiet home. It made her jump and her heart rate immediately quickened as she stood from the chair and cautiously walked to the door, wondering who could be on the other side of it.

The knocking didn't cease until she opened the door, coming face to face with her boyfriend: Thomas Shelby. He was out of breath and looking worse for wear with his bottom lip split and a cut above his right eyebrow. (Y/N) gasped at the sight of him.

"Can I come in?" he asked in a hurried manner, glancing over his shoulder down the street before focusing on her again.

"What's happened to you, Tommy?" she asked a question of her own, shock still ruling her expression.

"I'll tell you when we get off of the street," he didn't elaborate, still set on getting away from the public eye, "let me in, please, love."

(Y/N) peered around Tommy to see if she could gain some details for herself, but nothing but an empty street stood behind him. She looked at his pleading eyes again, her grip on the door handle tightening. Their gaze was held for a few moments before (Y/N) let out the breath she'd been holding in. "Come in," she said to him, stepping aside as she spoke. Tommy said nothing as he hurried into the house, taking it upon himself to quickly shut the door behind him. "Will you tell me what's happened to you now?" she asked as soon as he'd turned to face her again, her arms now crossed over her chest.

A defeated sigh escaped his lips before he said anything. He knew she wasn't going to give it up, so there was nothing he could do now besides tell the truth. "I got into a fight," he began, hanging his head slightly as a huff escaped his lips.

"Again?" (Y/N) wished she didn't sound surprised...this had become a common occurrence recently.

"It was a few guys around the shop...talking bad about my family," he explained the reason behind the situation.

"Oh, Tommy..." (Y/N)'s sentence trailed off into a sigh, knowing full well that family was a weakness of Tommy's.

"I wasn't going to stand there and let them continue on with it," he continued, sticking up for himself.

"I know you weren't," she agreed with him, moving through the living room then so that she could go into the kitchen and get what she needed.

"Where are you going?" Tommy asked after her, craning his neck slightly so that he could catch a glimpse of her through the archway.

"I'm getting what I need to clean you up," she told him, returning to the living room with her hands full of some towels and a bowl. "Sit and let me see," she instructed after she'd placed the things down on the side table next to the couch.

Tommy obliged, perching himself against the arm of the couch so that he could be sitting slightly lower than (Y/N). He watched as she dipped one of the towels into the bowl of water and brought it up to his face. She then gently took hold of his chin with her free hand and began dabbing the cut above his eyebrow, grimacing when he winced from the contact.

"I'm trying to be gentle," she said softly, going to get more water so that she could move onto his lip.

"I know you are," he answered her, watching her actions intently as she began to clean off his lip.

"You're still bleeding," she commented, a worried look flashing across her face as she grabbed one of the other towels. "Hold this above your eye and keep pressure on it," she instructed him then, bringing the cloth up to rest it against his cut.

"Yes, ma'am," he obeyed her order, a slight grin on his face as he tested the waters.

"Don't you start," she clocked his teasing, biting back her grin as she sent him a stern look, "and don't you answer me with 'yes ma'am' again," she managed to get in just as he opened his mouth. He closed it in response and she shook her head, knowing that that was what he was about to do.

A comfortable silence fell between them then as she continued to clean off his lip. Thankfully the cut was superficial and only stretched the exterior section of his lip. His teeth and the inside of his mouth remained unharmed. She took hold of the towel he'd been pressing to his forehead once she was finished with his lip, carefully examining the wound that had, thankfully, stopped bleeding.

"This looks deep, Tommy," she said, wincing slightly as she tried to determine the severity of it, "you might need stitches."

"I'll be fine," he brushed her off, making her send him a deadpanned look in response.

"You'll have a scar for the rest of your life," she warned him of the consequences.

"It's not the first one I'll have gotten," he reminded her. She sighed at his stubbornness.

"At least let me bandage it for now," she offered.

Footsteps were heard coming down the steps before Tommy could give his response.

"Shit," (Y/N) breathed, her heart rate picking up for the second time in this short span of time.

Her mother walked through the archway, into the front room a matter of seconds later. "Oh my, what's going on here?" she asked as she took in the scene she'd been greeted with.

"Nothing, mum, it's just..."

"What's happened to you, Tommy?" she cut (Y/N) off, her face scrunching together in worry when she saw his injuries.

"Nothing major, Mrs. (Y/L/N)...just caught the curb the wrong way," Tommy offered up a lie, saying it as if he was reciting his name. (Y/N) inwardly sighed at his made up story.

"Oh goodness, that's never fun. You should watch where you're walking next time," she took the bait, offering her sympathy as well as a possible remedy for the situation.

"I'll remember that," he said with a nod and a charming smile, making (Y/N) want to sigh again for the fact that he basically had her mother in the palm of his hand. She loved him because he always said what she wanted to hear.

"Could you get me a bandage from the aid kit, mum?" (Y/N) asked, and her mother nodded before hurrying off to the powder room to grab what was needed. "Thank you," she said after the supplies were sat down on the side table. Her mother nodded before telling them that she'd be in the kitchen if anything else was needed.

(Y/N) watched her leave the room before she began working on applying the bandage to the cut on Tommy's forehead.

"Finished?" Tommy asked once she'd stepped back from him. (Y/N) only nodded, making Tommy stand from the arm of the couch and move over to where a mirror was hung on the wall. He looked at his appearance for a moment before turning and coming back to where (Y/N) was standing. "Thank you, love," he said to her, hooking his arms around her waist so that he could pull her into his frame.

(Y/N) reached out and grabbed his cheeks the second she realized that he was leaning in. "Your lip, Tommy," she said to him, a hint of worry in her voice.

"Just let me kiss you," he brushed her worry off, "please?" he then raised his eyebrows for added effect.

(Y/N) sighed, rolling her eyes at his stubbornness before she leaned in and pecked his lips. She smiled at the slight pout that was present when she pulled away. "That's all you're getting," she told him.

"We'll see about that," he remarked, a grin spreading across his face.

"Tell me more about what happened," she changed the topic of conversation, reaching behind her to unhook his hands from her waist. She looked down at them once she got them, a frown forming at the sight she was met with. "I didn't clean up your knuckles," she commented, happy that her mother hadn't seen them. They'd throw the tripping on the curb story right out the window.

"Me knuckles are fine," he brushed her off, squeezing her hands as an extra assurance. (Y/N) glanced over at him before she brought both of his hands up to her lips and kissed each of them gently. Her actions made a soft smile form on Tommy's lips. He truly didn't deserve her.

"Tell me," she urged him again once their hands had dropped away.

Tommy exhaled a sigh, knowing that she wouldn't let her original mission go that easily. She was stubborn like him in that sense. "There isn't much to tell...a few men were next to the shop; talking of how me family's good for nothing; of how me father's a deadbeat, of how me mum, she..." he stopped, choking on the lump that had been rising up his throat. He cleared his throat before attempting to continue, hoping that his voice wouldn't fail him, "they weren't wrong about him..."

"You can't give them that satisfaction, Tommy," (Y/N) sighed, her heart hurting for him. He'd backed himself into a terrible place and now fought to keep appearances.

"I couldn't just stand and take it either," he offered her the way of thinking on the opposite side of the coin, "they were talking about me family."

(Y/N) nodded, knowing the truth behind his statement. It was evident that he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. "Just try..." she trailed off for a second, shaking her head and sighing at the thought of what she was about to say, "try not to let them rough you up as much next time."

Tommy chuckled at her statement, knowing that that was something he couldn't wholeheartedly promise. "I'll try," he answered her anyway, squeezing her hands again before he leaned in and stole another kiss from her lips.

He grinned at the look she was giving him when he pulled away, knowing that he was about to get a talking to for kissing her again. But she said nothing in response, instead shaking her head as a smile graced her lips.

——

"(Y/N)...it's good you're here," Arthur said after he opened the door to find the person he called standing on the stoop of the home.

"Where is he, Arthur?" (Y/N) asked, stepping inside and following him deeper into the house.

"On the sofa," he answered, nodding over to the person he was talking about as they entered the living room, "I pulled him out of the pub before he could get any worse...he was already fixin' to fight some men there," he shared some more information about what Tommy had been doing.

"Thank you," (Y/N) sighed, smiling at the young man, who left the room then after, before she turned to her boyfriend. "What have you done this time, Tommy?" she asked with a sigh, telling just from how he was slumped on the couch that he'd had one too many to drink.

"I can't tell you," he shook his head, wanting to spare her of the details.

This time, she actually let him. "This has to stop...how many times have you turned up like this over these last few weeks?" she asked another question, her hands falling to her hips.

"Not now, love..." he groaned, pressing his palms into his eye sockets in hopes to quell the dull ache he was already feeling.

"Too many, times, Tommy...too many times," she answered the question for him, "you need to stop, and I know that that's easier said than done, and I know things haven't been quite right since your mum passed, but this can't be how you go on," she continued, her voice becoming shaky as she showed how much she cared for him, "this isn't you, and I know that it isn't."

"(Y/N)..." he trailed off, letting out a dejected sigh as he looked away from her. He was unable to hold her eyes; the emotions in them made him feel more guilty than he already was.

"Here's what we're going to do..." she started off, sitting down on the couch next to him so that she could take hold of his hand and make him look in her direction, "you're going to sober up and we're going to get out of this city for some time," she explained her plans to him.

"And go where, love?" he asked her, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited to hear more of her plan.

"I've got the keys to my family's cottage. We'll go out into the country...the fresh air out there will clear your mind," she explained, removing one of her hands from his so that she could fish the keys she'd taken out from the pocket of her skirt to show him.

"They gave 'em to you?" he asked her, surprise present in his voice. There was no way her parents would give two slightly older than teenagers free reign over their vacation cottage.

"I took them," she corrected him with a grin, her words and expression making his own grin grow.

"I love you," he breathed, chuckling slightly.

——

True to her plans, (Y/N) and Tommy set off on the trip to her family's cottage the next morning. (Y/N) suggested walking, but Tommy had a better idea; he'd managed to charm his Uncle Charlie into using a horse for the trip. They arrived as the sun was setting, and Tommy made quick work of getting a fire lit so that they wouldn't grow cold as the night went on.

He woke up the next morning with (Y/N)'s head resting on his chest, her hair splayed out over his shoulder. He smiled warmly at her as he gently combed his fingers through her locks.

It amazed him that she was still by his side, even after all that he'd done. Things hadn't been easy now that both of his parents were gone. He had to step up and work to provide for his siblings so that they wouldn't go hungry. Sometimes 'providing' meant dipping into things that were illegal...Tommy wasn't entirely too proud of it, but they usually brought in more money than honest work. She came from a good family; had a home life that was the complete opposite of his. He had no idea what she saw in him, but he wasn't about to bring light to it.

"Whatcha thinking about?" her sweet voice broke into his thoughts, making him look down to meet her eyes.

"You," he answered, craning his neck to press a kiss to the top of her head.

"Good thoughts I hope," she said with a smile, lifting her head to rest her chin on his pectoral.

"Always," he smiled back at her, his answer making her let out a soft giggle.

"We should get up," she spoke through a yawn, sitting up and scooting closer to him.

"Why?" Tommy groaned slightly, wanting to stay this close to her for as long as possible.

"Because you've got to see the grounds this cottage has," she answered him, not budging when he took hold of her arm and tried to pull her down on top of him. "Come on, Tommy," she attempted to coax him again, brushing her hands through his raven-colored hair.

"Leavin' this bed is the last thing I'm gonna want to do if you keep doin' what you're doin'," he stated, a lazy grin gracing his face as he looked up at her.

"It'll do you good though," she ignored his suggestive statement, persisting with her cause.

"I can think of some other things that'll do me good," he persisted with his cause.

"Thomas," she huffed, unable to keep the grin from her face as she tried, and failed, to be affected by his cheeky behavior, "I'm getting out of bed and you should too," she said then, flipping the covers off of her so that she could stand.

"Wait," he called after her, grabbing her hand so that he could spin her back to him and match his lips with hers. "Needed a kiss first," he mumbled against her lips before pressing his to them again.

"Get up," she mumbled against his lips, kissing him another time.

"I will," he answered her, stealing one last kiss before she pulled away for good and finally got off the bed.

They got dressed then, stealing glances at each other before finally making their way outside. Nothing much was said as they walked hand in hand through the tree-covered grounds. It wasn't long until they got to an opening, where the trees gave way to glorious, golden fields of flowers and rolling hills that went on as far as the eye could see.

"This what you wanted to show me?" Tommy asked as the two got themselves comfortable up against the trunk of a tall tree.

"Yes," (Y/N) nodded, a smile on her face as she settled in against Tommy's chest, "my dad always says that it's the place where the sky opens up to everything."

Tommy hummed in agreement to her statement, smiling softly as she brushed her fingernails over the skin of his forearm. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to relax despite everything that was running through his mind. A peaceful silence fell around them as they took in the nature surrounding them. It was easy to get lost in the reverie of the sunlight and the sound of the birds chirping. It felt like they were the only two people on the planet, and that was something that Tommy took solace in.

"Do you think that she's still proud looking down?" Tommy wondered aloud, his mind slipping to his mother's memory again.

She'd been on his mind a lot lately. The pain of losing her was still there; clawing its way through him to get itself to the surface. His attempts to push it away often had bad intentions and consequences, but he still hoped that he was watching down on him with a smile.

"She is," (Y/N) cut into Tommy's thoughts with her answer, a certainty present in her words.

"Yeah?" he checked, a hopeful glint in his eye as he turned his head slightly to look at her.

"Yeah, she is," she affirmed with a slight nod, "she's still proud of you, Tommy. I know she is. She may not be proud of the fights that you've been getting into, but I'm sure she sees what you're doing for your family...how you're fighting to provide for them," she elaborated then, a smile on her face as she watched his eyes soften, his guard falling completely down.

There was a brief pause in their conversation as they looked out at the fields around them. "I feel closer to her out here," Tommy broke the silence as he quietly spoke out his thoughts. (Y/N) said nothing in response, instead choosing to turn and face him so that she could wrap her arms around his torso in a tight hug. He accepted it, holding onto her tightly as he kept his eyes focused on the field ahead of him. "I'll get better, love," he whispered into her hair after a few more moments passed, "I'll stop the fighting...I'll throw myself into the business. I'll make things better," he promised her.

(Y/N) lifted her head from his chest to look at him once he was finished speaking. A smile formed on her face as she nodded slightly, "I know you will," she told him before she leaned in and pressed a languid kiss to his lips.

Tommy held her to him, pressing a few more kisses to her lips before letting her go so that she could settle into his side once more. The two sat in the peaceful silence for some more time before deciding to take a walk further into the field.

The rest of their day, and several day trip for that matter, was spent roaming the grounds of the cottage. Tommy picked (Y/N) several bouquets of flowers, and (Y/N) managed to get them lost a handful of times as she tried to remember the trails she used to hike with her family.

Each night they'd find themselves tucked up against the large tree, watching the sunset over the rolling hills; where the sky opened up to everything.

Tagged: @mystcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cilliansangel @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable @thomashelbyswife

MASTERLIST

Listen to the song Darling by Zach Bryan:

HERE.

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

There for you - Frank Adler x Reader

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to anyone who celebrates it today!

Summary: The first period can be daunting, thankfully Mary has you

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Periods! Fluff!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

“Who’s gonna be the most handsomest pup ever?” You coo as you gently rub some shampoo onto the top of the newest strays head.

In response the little pup wagged his tail, spraying water and shampoo across the back of the bath. He wiggled forward to lick your cheek.

“Oh yes thank you so much” you chuckle as you gently push the pup back into the tub.

You began carefully rinsing out the shampoo when you heard the door open behind you, glancing over your shoulder you saw one of the volunteers poking her head in.

“Oh there’s someone on the phone for you,” she tells you, “says it’s urgent”

Your brows furrow “Did they say who it was?”

“Um Plato Academy?” She says with a small shrug of her shoulders.

You curse under your breath, that was Mary’s middle school, why on earth were they calling you?

“Oh okay, yeah, can you take over?” You ask nodding to the pup in the bathtub.

“Sure” she nods grabbing a waterproof apron from a nearby hook.

“Great thank you” you mutter as you quickly dry your hands and make your way out to the front desk.

Your supervisor was already at the desk working at the computer, she gave you a smile before nodding to the phone which had been left for you.

“Um hello?” You say once you pick up the phone.

“Hi, is this Y/N?” A woman on the other end asks.

“Uh yeah speaking” you confirm scratching the back of your neck.

“Okay, I’m calling from Plato Academy about Mary Adler” the woman starts.

“Is she okay? In trouble?” You ask knowing what Mary could get like, and it was only getting worse as puberty hit.

“She’s locked herself in a bathroom and is refusing to come out” the woman on the other end sighs making your brows rise in surprise.

“Right… did she say why?” You ask as you rub your forehead.

“No, but she’s really quite distressed so we were hoping you could come see if she’ll talk to you or take her home?” The woman explains.

“Okay, well um I’m at work so Frank will probably be able to get there sooner than I can,” you tell her.

“Mary’s asked for you specifically,” the woman tells you making your brows rise again in surprise.

“She did?” You stutter in surprise “Right um okay I’ll um-“You scratch your forehead trying to work out what to do. Something was clearly wrong and you wanted nothing more than to go help Mary but you couldn’t just leave work.

Your supervisor then taps you on the arm, getting your attention “You can go if you’re needed” she whispers.

You cover the phone with your hand “Are you sure?” You whisper back.

She nods her head with a kind smile “She sounds like she needs you and we can cope” she reassures you.

Your shoulders drop as you shoot her a grateful smile “Okay I’ll be there as soon as I can” you say into the phone.

When you arrived at the middle school one of the receptionists was waiting for you and took you straight to the bathroom that Mary had shut herself into.

“Do you mind just giving us some privacy?” You ask turning to the receptionist.

“Yeah of course, I’ll be right out here if you need anything” she nods with a kind smile.

You give her a thankful smile before pushing inside the bathroom. As soon as you stepped inside you heard the small sniffles.

“Mary? Sweetie, are you in here?” You call out softly as you walk in.

“Y/N?” Mary sniffled.

“Yeah I’m here, what’s wrong?” You ask moving closer to the stall that you heard her sniffles coming through.

“I got my period” she mutters quietly, her tone embarrassed and upset.

“Oh…” you sigh sympathetically, everything making sense “Do you have any pads or tampons?”

“No, and it really hurts” she complains.

“Okay, don’t worry we’ll get you some pain killers and I have some spare pads in my handbag for emergencies just like this” you reassure her, looking for your bag to find what you needed, you were just about to pass a pad under the door when you paused “mary, do you need a change of underwear?” You ask quietly.

Mary was silent for a moment with the exception of her sniffles before finally whispering “Yeah”

“Okay I’ll get that sorted don’t worry” you reassure her “I’ll be right back”

You head back towards the door, popping your head out and whispering to the receptionist “Does the school have spare underwear for girls?”

A look of understanding crosses her face followed by a sympathetic smile “Yes I’ll go grab a pair” she nods before hurrying off to the office.

Soon enough the receptionist returned with a fresh pair of underwear, straight from the packet, and you were able to pass them onto Mary.

“Here you go sweetie, here’s a bag for you to put your pair in and I’ll chuck them in the wash when we get home, or you can just put them in the bin it's up to you” you offer as you pass everything she needed under the door.

“Thank you” Mary whimpers as she takes them from you.

A few minutes later the bathroom stall opened and a defeated-looking Mary stepped out. Her gaze was set on the floor as she traipsed over to the sink to wash her hands. Once she was done you open up your arms for her, smiling gently when she stepped into your embrace.

“Thank you Y/N” she sniffled.

“It’s nothing, let’s get you home and we can relax, eat any snacks you want and watch a movie,” you say running your hands over the top of her head.

“What about school?” She asks looking up at you.

You couldn’t stop the small smile that grew on your lips, any other kid would be jumping at the chance to skip school.

“No matter how natural and normal they are, periods suck, especially first periods so we’re gonna make sure you’re feeling better and if you wanna go into school tomorrow you can” you tell her, rubbing her shoulders.

“Okay thank you,” she says a smile finally tugging at her lips.

“Good now c’mon I have a secret stash of ice cream at home that even Frank doesn’t know about” you smirk as you wrap your arms around her shoulders and begin to lead her out.

At the mention of her uncle Mary froze “Will you tell Frank?” Worry clear in her eyes.

“Not if you don’t want me to, but he’ll understand, Frank despite how grumpy he can get is one of the good ones, he won’t think it's gross or weird, he might be a bit sad that you’re growing up but he’ll look after you, spoil you” you reassure her turning to face her.

“Really?” She asks her tone unconvinced.

“Yeah, he spoils me whenever I’m on my period so of course he’ll spoil you,” you tell her.

“Okay,” she hums quietly as you continue to walk back out and towards the car “I don’t know how I’d tell him” she admits quietly.

“That’s okay, I can tell him if you want?” You offer as you reach the car.

“Thank you Y/N” Mary sighs in relief, hugging you tightly before moving to get into the car.

You and Mary were curled up together under a blanket on the couch. Bowls of both yours and Mary’s favourite snacks sat on your laps as one of Mary’s favourite movies played.

You had given Mary a hot water bottle for her cramps, something that Fred took full advantage of by curling up on top of it. Mary didn’t mind though, a soft smile curled at her lips as she stroked her hand down his back.

The sound of the door opening had you looking over, Frank frowning in confusion when he spotted the both of you on the couch.

He glanced down at his watch before pointing over at you “Why aren’t you at work?” He questions before pointing at Mary “And why aren’t you in school”

“Why aren’t you at the harbour?” Mary fires back making Frank’s eyebrows rise.

He opened his mouth to scold her but you held out your hand “Mary wasn’t feeling well so we’re having a couch day” you tell him.

Frank's brows furrow again, this time in concern “Oh… what’s wrong squirt?”

“Nothing” Mary answers quickly making Frank shoot you a confused look.

You just subtly nod your head in the direction of the kitchen. Frank lets out a small sigh before nodding his head and making his way into the kitchen.

“I’m just gonna replenish these,” you tell Mary grabbing the half-finished bowls of popcorn and chips.

She murmurs an okay as you get up and follow Frank into the kitchen. You find him leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. His brow arched in the silent question of what the hell is going on.

You put the bowls down on the side before moving to stand in front of him “Mary got her period” you whisper.

His lips part in surprise and understanding “Is she okay?” He asks quietly.

“She feels pretty crap, it caught her off guard the school had to call me because she locked herself in a bathroom,” you tell him, his brows rising in shock.

He grabs his phone from his pocket and you can see him scrolling to see if he missed any calls “Why didn’t they call me?” He asks when he saw he had none. You level him a look which makes him sigh “right”

“She’s just embarrassed,” you say placing a hand on his arms and rubbing it soothingly.

“She has nothing to be embarrassed of,” he says with a soft shake of his head.

“We know that, but she doesn’t know that yet, society still sees it as something gross and weird,” you say with a long sigh.

“Which is bullshit” Frank mutters under his breath looking down.

You couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at your lips as you reached up to gently brush your lips against his.

“I wish she felt comfortable enough to talk about it with me but I’m glad she has you” he sighs wrapping his arms around you.

“It was nothing, now c’mon help me fill these up and we’ll continue our movie night” you say stepping out of his embrace and passing him a bowl.

“You think she’ll want me to join?” He asks sceptically.

“Of course, and what better way to show you’re there for her” you point out.

A smile tugs at his lips “Okay” he agrees.

Once the snacks were refilled, you and Frank made your way back out to the living room. You return to your original spot while Frank sits down on the opposite side of Mary, his arm resting around the back of her.

“What are you doing?” She questioned he sat down and start snaking on the popcorn.

“Joining my girls for movie night” he answers simply.

“But you hate this movie” Mary argues pointing to the cheesy romcom currently playing.

“What are you talking about?” Frank exclaims dramatically “I love this movie” he smirks popping more popcorn in his mouth.

Mary rolls her eyes but doesn’t argue, settling back down into the couch. Shifting ever so slightly into Frank’s side. You look over smiling at the two of them, especially when Frank threw you a grateful look.

A couple of weeks had passed since you had picked Mary up from school. It had been a rough few days with her but Frank was just as patient with her as he always was with you when you were on your period.

As you woke you naturally stretched an arm out to Frank’s side of the bed but found his side cold. You peeked an eye open to see he wasn’t lying beside you. You frown in confusion because it was Sunday and Frank always had a long lie-in on Sundays. It could be near impossible to get him out of bed, him often muttering that it was God’s day of rest despite not being religious at all.

Hearing the bedroom door creak open you rolled over to see Mary walking in holding a tray full of food, Frank following behind holding cups of coffee.

“Wha-what’s this?” You stutter in surprise, sitting up as Mary put the tray down on your lap.

“A treat for your special day” Frank explains as he rounds the bed and sits down beside you.

“My special day?” You ask in confusion, looking over at Frank to see a twinkle in his eyes.

He then nodded to Mary who suddenly went all shy as she held out a pink envelope for you. You take the envelope from her, glancing once more over at Frank before opening it up. Your breath caught when you saw the card inside.

“You got me a mothers day card” you managed to say, a thick lump forming in your throat as tears collected in your eyes.

“Yeah because you’re there for me and you do everything that a mom does like helping me with my period” Mary explains with a shy smile, fiddling with her fingers “Do you like it?”

“Oh sweetie I love it” you cry “C’mere” you open your arms for her holding her tight when she walked over into your embrace.

You look over to see Frank watching the scene unfold with unshed tears. He’d looked the exact same when Mary had first surprised him for Father’s Day, but you knew this meant just as much to him to see Mary accept you as a mother figure in her life. You reach out to take his hand and squeezing.

He smiled back at you quickly wiping away a stray tear “Why don’t you give Y/N her present?” He suggests.

Mary pulls back from the hug to grab another envelope, a golden one this time, and passes it to you. Opening it up you see it was a spa voucher for two.

“I thought you and Frank could go” Mary explains nodding over to Frank.

A smirk grows on your face “Why would I take Frank when I can take you?”

Mary’s jaw practically drops to the floor “Really!? What about Frank?”

You lean in and cup your hand around your mouth “Why waste it on him when he’s just gonna get all greasy on a boat the next day” you whisper loudly.

“I don’t usually hear you complaining about the grease” Frank huffs.

You ignore him “Plus it would be a nice girl's day out” you smile.

Mary beams back at you, bouncing on the balls of her feet “Yes! I can’t wait!” She grins.

“Me neither now come sit down,” you say shuffling over to make room “and help me eat all this” you smile passing her a pastry that you knew she’d love.

“Thank you Y/N, for everything” Mary smile’s gratefully as she accepts the pastry.

Sharing is caring so please reblog if you enjoyed this and maybe even leave a comment to make my day!

Masterlist

I don’t have a taglist so follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to be kept up to date!

[tsubaki94]

Why is Sam so petty? It's like she wanted Danny to say something that would give her a reason to hate him, and because he didn't, she hates him.

Alright, let’s look at Sam’s character and how she sees Danny.

First off, she is quick to judge, that’s a character flaw. The first time she meets Danny he is cutting ahead of her in line to stand with the A-listers whom she despises. So right off she gropes Danny into the spoiled privileged category and confronting him only confirms this, it is also confirmed when Danny tells Dash he is going to try and get a new gaming console out of Vlad. Basically not a good first impression.

Then the accident happens, and he is missing from school for two months before showing up with Tucker late for a class having apparently rescued him from a locker where Dash (Danny’s best friend as far as she knows) put him. However, this is also where Tucker starts defending Danny because he realizes he wasn’t as bad as he first thought, (and he pities him). Still, Sam is greatly annoyed at Danny especially seeing that he is just doing a wheelie in the back of the classroom not even listening to the teacher. And then he gets paired up with Tucker for the writing assignment, emotionally for her, this is like having her best friend stolen by Danny.

What happens after that? Well, she sees Tucker and Danny in Doomed together instead of writing the book report which Tucker said he was going to do. So when he gets to school the next day she is pissed and again Tucker shuts her down and forces Sam to rethink.

She watches Danny during gym-class sees him struggle and at the end of class Dash pours water on him unprovoked. Automatically Sam’s moral justice takes over and she sees Danny as a victim of bullies and tries to comfort him because maybe Tucker was right. After all a friend wouldn’t just dump water on someone.

Then we have the math scene and Danny is struggling, something she can’t relate to, and then Tucker helps him and that annoys her because Tucker is her friend. The paper plane only makes things worse as she sees Tucker becoming better and better friends with Danny. This is where we see a bit deeper into Sam’s mentality. She doesn’t let people in because she is afraid of losing them or getting hurt by them, but Tucker got in and stays with her even when she is bitching.

Because if we look at Tucker for a moment, he is more forgiving and doesn’t judge the book by its cover. He also noticed that Danny struggles with reading and tries to help him, something Danny gladly accepts, unlike Sam who needs to be able to do things on her own. And Tucker has already realized that Danny, like Sam, gives attitude when he feels attacked.

But back to Sam and the vegetarian Lunch Week. First off, it wasn’t her intention to make it all vegetarian for a week, she and a lot of students in school wanted to get a vegetarian alternative, maybe even vegan, so that they too could eat the school lunch and didn’t have to bring their own. The school decided to see how much vegetarian food they had to make and what the general student body thought of the dishes, so they made it a Week.

Sam tries to explain this to Tucker (who overplayed things because he is nervous about the change being permanent and him having to think of what is being served instead of just taking the meat and potatoes like he always do.) but when Tucker hears her say that she was a part of doing the changes his brain doesn’t prosses the rest. He feels betrayed and Sam’s fear of losing him as a friend only grows.

Tucker leaves to calm himself down and think over what Sam said, he isn’t going to hate her because of the lunch menu but will bitch about it just like she does about people. It also helps him cope with the situation.

Sam who is left alone with Danny really wants to start a fight with him and prove that he isn’t good enough to be friends with Tucker. But Danny doesn’t act like she thought he would and shows that he cares for Tucker. This leaves makes Sam angry because he doesn’t act like she wants him to, but she also softens up to him because he is on her side on the lunch menu debate and he doesn’t just take Tucker’s kindness but also gives it back.

To summarize, Sam thought Danny was just another jerk like the A-listers. She wants to keep believing this because it’s easier than getting to know someone and letting them know her. However, she listens to Tucker and takes his words to heart, sees that the A-listers aren’t treating Danny like a friend. And when she tries to confront him, Danny doesn’t act the way she thought he would forcing her rethink her judgement of him. She puts her judgement to the side for the moment in favor of keeping Tucker as her friend and avoids stepping on his toes when it comes to what she thinks of Danny.

Wow, this got long. I hope you understand the thought process behind Sam a bit more. And as people have pointed out, she is only 14, still a child with room to grow.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam, how did you come to the conclusion you should be tested for neurodivergence? I've been reading a lot of Temple Grandin (Visual Thinking is fantastic) and see so much of myself in her books. But, I, too, am, let's just say well into adulthood, and I don't know if my life would change that much with a diagnosis. The only thing I can think of doing with a diagnosis is telling my siblings and childhood bullies that they picked on someone who had a reason for being "weird." But it doesn't change anything. Beyond the medication, did you find any solace? Thank you for sharing your journey.

I was just thinking I should do a post about this....

I don't recall the specifics and have never been able to find the post again, but sometime prior to 2019 I made a joke about having a short attention span, and someone said something like "Oh, did you finally get a diagnosis?" and I said haha no, I don't have ADHD, and a bunch of readers went, "Uh, you very clearly do." Some of them added that they thought I knew and was just being discreet about it. (As if I have ever been discreet about anything in my life.)

So I figured, okay, probably there's some level of neurodivergence there, given that my mother and siblings all have various diagnoses, and my father was clearly autistic. (Knowing what we know now about how ADHD can mask as other mental illnesses, there's a strong chance this comes from my maternal grandmother, who was the person in the family I was most like when she was alive.) I tried a couple of times to get evaluated and always had either slow or nonexistent responses from the clinics I reached out to, so I stopped trying. I had a ton of coping mechanisms in place and was in a good spot in my life, so I thought honestly, what would it change?

But by the end of 2021, while I was still in a pretty good financial place, and my career was doing well, I could tell that if things kept up as they were I was going to tank my job purely through being unable to get through a day doing productive work the way I used to.

I thought, well, if this is ADHD and it's getting worse because the whole fucking world is on fire, I have two options: I can assume I have it and just do the reading and figure shit out on my own, or I can get evaluated, get professional advice, and possibly get medicated. That seemed like the best return on investment, so that's what I worked on. My goal was primarily medication, because I didn't see myself being able to change much else about my situation on my own. And, truthfully, medication has been the biggest change -- I actually have an essay about that queued for the anniversary of my starting Adderall. But while it hasn't been a massive life-altering world-shattering change, all of this was worth it purely for the medication.

Uh, momentary sidebar in my memoir: there are downsides to having a diagnosed disability -- discrimination, legal barriers to certain things like holding government jobs or adopting, etc. Those have to be weighed when you're considering evaluation. If you think you may have autism, there's not necessarily an advantage to having a formal diagnosis unless you need accommodations; if you think you may have ADHD, the huge advantage is access to medication, which doesn't exist for autism as far as I'm aware. So your particular flavor of neurodivergence might dictate whether you get a diagnosis, or whether you just start operating on the assumption you have it. Both are valid, I think, it really depends on what's going on in your life and what you want to change.

Anyway, I have been doing other research, reading journal articles and pop psychology and talking to people, and that's been good, but even if I had none of that, the medication has been so helpful in getting me back on an even keel and then making life even better.

This sounds kind of weird to say but I'm not generally someone who needs a lot of solace. There is some relief in knowing that at least some of my fuckups in life weren't something I could have prevented by simply having more strength of character or working harder, and that's nice, but it's something I could have had without a formal diagnosis -- just like you could simply tell your siblings and bullies you have a diagnosis. (Being real, I doubt they'd care; bullies gonna bully whether you had a reason to be weird or not, and none of that would have been your fault regardless of your neurology. But it's all very situational, as I'm sure you know.) I wasn't badly bullied as a kid and there's nobody really to...tell, in the sense you're thinking of. But I didn't get into it for emotional solace; I got into it to fix a life that was, albeit extremely slowly, starting to fall apart. So if you're someone, as most people are, who derives emotional satisfaction or catharsis from having the diagnosis, I think it probably would be pretty helpful. But even if you aren't, like me, if you can get medication or accomodations, I think it's worth it.

[staratdawn]

I thought about au with blind Regulus and deaf Sirius. It is not congenital, most likely acquired after 5 years of Sirius and 4 years of Regulus at Hogwarts. Their mother's unsuccessful punishment spell hit both brothers. Total blindness forever for Regulus, too much damage to do anything about it, even magic is powerless. Sirius rolled down the stairs, hitting his head on all corners, causing serious damage to the head, including the auditory cortex. The predictions of the Black' personal doctor were positive, of course, no one was going to upset them. But the hearing does not return to Sirius in a year or two.

And this difficult for them, almost impossible to make contact, despair splashes, their psycho-emotional state is not just a light wind, it's a fucking storm, like, they never can be ok again. They need more than a one year to talk to each other again. It's been hard before, don't think they don't love each other, we all know true, and yet their family didn't anticipate the possibility of healthy communication among its members. But now it takes a lot more effort to talk. Sirius can't hear, but he can speak. Regulus can speak and hear, but cannot see. So, Sirius speaks. Sometimes Regulus answers and Sirius lip-reads, it gets better and better with the years but never perfect the meaning of some phrases is inevitably lost, but that's something they can at least handle. Sometimes Regulus writes — he remembers good how it's done, but still a little awkward, not nearly as perfect as it used to be, and yet understandable enough. They learn to use it more often. Talk more often. It is important for them not to lose connect. They seem to have lost it all their lives and only learned to fix it when it was too fucking late.This was exactly the moment when Sirius runs away from home and starts living with James. And Regulus needs time, his parents are careful with him, they no longer try to be as cruel as they used to be, mostly just words, and over the years he managed to develop a good immunity, they do not hurt as much as they could. Sirius hates himself for not being able to take Regulus. They still didn't talk back then, it was so difficult for them and Sirius couldn't just ask Regulus to come with him, he didn't believe he could protect him and felt incredibly vulnerable. But he offers in a year and Regulus agrees.

When they get back to Hogwarts, things clearly change. Honestly, even too much. Regulus has a specially trained guide dog, this is a collie named Lyra (actually, in honor of the constellation, but he did not tell anyone about it except Pandora), she is big, soft and fluffy, and she is also smart and really very strong helps him. He also has a cane inlaid with many spells, so he knows Hogwarts quite well, much better than the first years (which is a dubious achievement, but nonetheless).

Sirius is trying to cope with his condition, mostly not really knowing what to do. I'm thinking of a spell he might have found one day to help take notes, literally translate the words spoken by the professor into text (I know there's nothing like that in canon, but it would be fair if there was, and generally, I just don't care about canon, I REALLY don't care, it's there because I made it up right now). He carries around a notepad and pen so that people can write what they want to say to him, but he also often understands what they are saying by watching their lips move. He can also talk, but he can't hear himself, so it's often very loud/very quiet, he prefers to write, but in the company of marauders, he doesn't care if he seems stupid or awkward.

I think Regulus, even after losing his sight, plays the piano, it is important for him to hear and feel the keys under his fingers, it grounds him, calms him down, makes him feel whole. Sometimes it is unbearable, but more often it gets easier than worse. (As he gets older, there are days when his hands shake too much and he can't find the right keys. Then Lily kisses his temple and James puts his hands over Regulus', they play slowly, making Regulus feel more, feel integrity, pushing the keys until he's finally okay)

And sometimes their duet with Sirius is also heartbreaking. Sirius can't hear but can guide his hands, he just feels, he has enough feeling, he doesn't really like to play. He desperately wants to help Regulus. And he sees the keys, he may be his eyes.

So, speaking of marauders. Honestly, James was the first to know. I think Sirius ran away to him somewhere in the middle of summer vacation, so James went to Hogwarts already fluent in sign language and actively continuing his studies. They met Peter during that time, so he definitely found out, even if Sirius didn't want to show it, and sign language was incredibly difficult for Peter, but he tried!! (damn, he tries so hard to be tactful, I just know it, he doesn't want to offend him, he doesn't even speak in his presence, but mostly writes on a notepad to make Sirius comfortable!!!)

Remus only finds out at Hogwarts, not because Sirius doesn't want to tell him, but because Sirius feels bad and doesn't want to appear weak in front of his boyfriend, ok. In this universe, there is no prank, so they are really happy together, but Sirius's disability is very difficult, and he wants to withdraw into himself and never share his burden with anyone. But he still has to do it when they meet on the train, and it's, well, never been easy, ok? Sirius also believes that he is much more fortunate than Regulus and feels guilty because people surround him with care, it seems to him that he does not deserve it. 

I also think that Remus KNOWS sign language very well (I headcanon him with a large family, several younger and one older sister, I think one of his sisters is deaf so he had to learn sign language for her, I can talk about his sisters, in case anyone is wondering, I just love the concept of a big family where Remus is the middle child, and he is the only wizard, except for Lyall, if we are not talking about the fact that Pandora could be his sister. He also suffers from lycanthropy, and I think one of his sisters might, but that's another TALK....but, you know, he'll never be alone and his family is, well, a little wolf-family-pack. ..okay, just let me know if anyone is interested, this isn't even about Remus, I should fucking shut up) so that makes things a little easier? Except that Sirius himself needs time to learn sign language, but it's absolutely in his best interest, so he's trying so hard. Remus really tries to take care of him, he shares his notes with him before Sirius finds that spell (he's never done this before and it was never needed, but now Sirius is so grateful) and he's definitely taking the translator's position a bit with people who do not know sign language, he really is not a burden, because Sirius will never be a burden for him. Never.

And also I think that Regulus has a spell that makes the book read itself, which makes life easier, magic is beautiful. And he definitely learns to read braille later, but I don't think it's very common among wizards (he probably isn't at all. but over time his life is so closely intertwined with muggle world, he can't ignore it)

Let's talk about girls! I like to think that Lily was fluent in sign language before that, as if she seems like someone who will know it, or at least try to learn it. Mary and Marlene absolutely don't know but they are really good friends so they try. And Marlene is in love with being able to write constant notes in a notebook (gives atmosphere. She puts Sirius notes between textbooks, very, very many notes in a day, they become less over time, but she was never going to throw constant gossip with her bestfriend, thanks, even deafness will not interfere with her). Mary also uses her notebook to write for Sirius when she wants to say something.

I also think that Lily absolutely cares about Regulus (platonically or romantically, your choice), but she doesn't know what she can do for him, she just goes with him all the time, almost seems to blend in with the Slytherins. She reads books to him aloud because he likes how soothing her voice sounds, he actually has an amazing memory, he quotes something from what he has read before or from what he heard from Lily.

Evan and Barty don't know how to act at first. But over time it gets easier. Like there's no problem putting things back where they belong so that Regulus can move around the room with ease, at which point they're very clean. They try to spend a lot of time with him, sometimes it's even annoying, he can say it, but honestly he is grateful.

(also Lyra is absolutely delighted with Barty and Pandora, when Regulus is in bed and she doesn't help him anymore, she often goes to Barty's to get her helping strokes)

Dorcas is so excited when she finds out about this, she is actually so mad at his family. One of her best friends will never fucking see anything else because of his family (Regulus never told them the reason but they know. They all know). She is very afraid of how unsafe he can be in his house, but she obviously does not show it, it would be inappropriate and not quite in her character. She tries to be tactful and act like nothing has changed. And she's also very supportive, actually, she's just not clingy like Barty and Evan, for example, she's just expressing help in the little things, I would say. Her help is usually silent, but also surprisingly eloquent.

I didn't say much about Pandora, I'm sorry. They have an amazingly cute duo and an interesting way of getting around, when Regulus assumes his animagus form, he is also blind, but he is literally cat, so she often carries him around in her arms to his destination. It's faster. Oh, and she was the one who helped him find the spell to read!!

Also, I think Sirius's hearing will start to recover at some point, but it will never be good enough, it's just... some sounds, more sounds than total silence. I didn't mention hearing aids before and I don't think they're common among wizards, but he'll definitely use them when they get out in muggle London and, well, it won't give him perfect hearing, but it's a lot better than nothing...

(little bonus: when Sirius wants to be kissed, but he doesn't want to write about it in a notebook or make gestures because it will upset the mood, he puts his finger on his lips or on his forehead or on his cheek, my boy just wants kisses. And he spreads his arms out to the side when he's waiting for a hug and doesn't want to initiate it first. when alone with Remus, sometimes he just reaches out his palms. Oh, and he claps his hands when he tries to get someone's attention. It's easier for him not to talk than to talk so he keeps the conversations to a minimum)

art: likeafunerall

[flightfoot]

Can you recommend angsty fics which don't revolve around the main duo?

Hope you like these! I avoided fics that revolved around either Marinette or Adrien.

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Can’t Sleep Either, Huh? by EmeraldButterfly

Chloe gets up late at night. Turns out she’s not the only one who’s worried about Pollen. (AU where former Miraculous holders have an empathetic link with their kwamis)

This is a very interesting AU. Chloe and Zoe are both able to feel Pollen’s emotions and even things like her hunger, and end up taking solace in each other to try and cope. It’s just really sweet.

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oh, no, not again by @bittersweetresilience

Félix doesn’t want to broach the subject, but he won’t be able to after they leave.

So this is a glimpse into a time-travel fix-it story, with various wielders being sent back into their younger selves. But Felix doesn’t think he’ll be helpful, because well… his backstory. He would be unable to step out of line. It’s pretty angsty and I love Chat’s reaction to learning about how bad Felix had it.

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Changeling by @unecoccinellenoire

Gabriel makes the Wish believing that he regretted everything with Adrien. The results suggest that he in fact regrets Adrien

So this is interesting. It’s giving a glimpse into a universe where Gabriel and Emilie never found the Peacock Miraculous, and they (along with Amelie and Colt) just adopted. Which unfortunately meant that Adrien and Felix as we know them never existed, and Gabriel finds that he misses his original son, which is especially acute when interacting with his new adopted son and knowing how much he’s NOT Adrien.

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Late Bloomer by @generalluxun

On what might very well be the last night of her life, Sabrina Raincomprix pulls out a very special scrapbook, pressed between the pages is the past, the past she has never shared with anyone. She relives how she got to this moment one page at a time, preparing herself for the end. A phone call interrupts her self-imposed exile and brings news that could change her life forever. Even if it does though the question looms… change it how?

Sabrina-centric Hanahaki AU here! I love how it goes into Sabrina’s relationship with Chloe over the years, the good and the bad - and even what happens post Revolution. 

I love the description of some of the plants involved, and what they mean, what they represent. If you want a fic that delves more in Sabrina’s character and her relationship with Chloe, this is a solid choice.

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Spread Your Wings by @myladynoire

Set before the Finale. Félix uses his Kwagatama to summon his father’s memory and has a talk with him.

I love Colt’s characterization here, how we see his mindset, his beliefs, and even what made him the way he is. We have a limited amount of knowledge about him in canon, only having the play Felix and Kagami put on to go off of, but myladynoire made good use of it! I’m glad Felix got some closure here as well.

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Eat, Pray, Duck by @trishacollins

Gabriel Agreste split his twin sons apart when his wife died, keeping one with him and sending one to London with his sister. Unfortunately, the Supreme was not willing to let this be. He wanted a matched set. Felix is a weapon, a servant of the Supreme. On a mission to retrieve the stolen Miraculous. In a world that has outlawed kindness, sometimes the most dangerous person is the one who chooses it anyway.

I love this glimpse at what might have been going on with Felix back in Shadybug and Claw Noir’s world, I did wonder what might have been going on with him. Poor kid, he managed to have it even worse than he did in canon. I really loved seeing his interactions with Luka, the Couffaines rebel through kindness it seems!

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Trapped by @consistent-chaos-corporation

Felix asks to visit Adrien as soon as his father is gone. Gabriel catches him snooping, looking for Adrien’s Amok. Everything gets worse from there.

Damn, poor Felix. He came to try and help Adrien, but instead Gabriel stole his Amok, forcing him to obey his commands, holding him prisoner in his basement for months. If you want some quality Felix whump, this is the fic for you!

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Justifying the Means by @ashes-555

When the worst happens, Alya finds that she may be willing to do the unthinkable. Is any sacrifice to big to make for her friends?

Once again, Ashes comes out swinging with an Alya focused fic! 

Basically, there’s a major, destructive akuma attack. During it, Ladybug orders Chat to cataclysm a building in order to stop from being trapped. Unfortunately the building collapses, injuring or killing a lot of people - unbeknownst to her, including Chat Noir. Gabriel releases the akuma, which means she has no way of fixing the damage, either.

A lot of of focus is placed on Alya and Nino worrying over Adrien, who was found in the wreckage barely clinging to life, in a coma, with the doctors unsure whether he’d make it. Shadow Moth takes advantage of their distress to make an offer: if he gets the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculouses, he can make a Wish to fix everything, including saving Adrien. With as dark a place as Alya and Nino are in, they seriously consider it. Especially with how unhappy both of them are with Chat Noir supposedly “abandoning” Ladybug and Paris as a whole, and Nino being angry with Ladybug for failing (since Alya knows that Marinette is Ladybug, she’s far more understanding on that front).

I love how much credence Alya’s thought and emotions are given here, and that she doesn’t go for the more drastic option right away, either - she talks with Ladybug about it first, tries to do it her way. She understands the costs, but... her friends are important to her, and she’s desperate. I think this was a really good way to present a more antagonistic sort of Alya. She’s still very much herself here, and still considers Marinette her friend, willing to do things her way to an extent, and understanding why Marinette doesn’t want to use the Wish, even though she disagrees with her. Alya’s mindset, her emotions, her problems, are given respect and credence by the narrative. She’s still willing to talk things out, she’s still sympathetic to Marinette and the enormous trauma and guilt she’s going through, she just disagrees with Marinette’s approach. She wants her friend back.

If you want a fic that has some solid focus on Alya as a person, on her emotional struggles and mindset and just... dealing with things, I highly recommend checking out “Justifying the Means”.

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I Won’t Let You by @generalluxun

After Gabriel’s defeat, two individuals not party to the celebration run into each other, and find each other.

The summary doesn’t give much of an idea of what the fic’s about. Post-Hawkmoth Defeat, Chloe and Felix run into each other at the celebration of Gabriel’s downfall, and vent about their problems. Neither of them think the other one has it too bad - Chloe’s worried about disappearing, since her worth was entirely tied to her family’s prestige and wealth, and being seen as friends to a terrorist is gonna cripple both of those, while Felix is on edge about Ladybug having the Peacock Miraculous, since she has the ability to kill him at a moment’s notice (yes this is a Sentifelix fic). 

They both make each other understand the turmoil the other is going through in extremely visceral ways, showing the other what it’s like to be them, in the circumstances they’re in. I don’t want to spoil what, exactly, they do, but needless to say, it’s worth a read.