#anybody want their heart broken into a million pieces???

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

Captain Haddock: We haven't stopped to talk. We haven't had a chance. It's always like that with you, running from one thing to the next. I've seen it. What you've been through. Tintin: They destroyed my life because of me. We stand here now in this hall, with a life which they devastated because of what I did to them. So, yes, I keep running! Of course I do! How am I supposed to look back on that?!? Captain Haddock: It wasn't your fault! Tintin: I know!

[snonkerdoodlewritesstuff]

Hey.

I'm not gonna ask how you are, because I know how you are. At least, I think I do. I don't know if I want myself to be true.

When you...left...I'm not sure whether left is the right word, actually. The horror of what happened...the horror of what you did to me...is something that can't be described with words. My soul was ripped apart. My heart shattered into a million pieces. My soul was wounded. My life ended when you went away from me.

And...even after all of that...I hope you're okay, my love. I really do. You...I don't think you could help it. If only we talked to each other. If only we worked things out before IT happened...maybe this wouldn't've been such a bad thing.

At any rate, I want to tell you something. Something that I never told you before, and now definitely won't ever get the chance to.

I loved you. When you would smile the way you did in the sun and we would sneak off together to do things we should'nt've been doing, I loved you. When you would marvel at little things like flowers and hummingbirds and nightingales, I loved you. I've always loved you, from the moment I met you.

I love you. I love you, even now that you're gone, even now that I'm nothing but a pile of broken pieces and memories. I love you, even though they all dragged you away from me, so that I could never embrace you again, and never have the chance to call you mind. Even after all that, I still love you.

I will always love you. Even though I'll never see you again--not for a long while, at the least--I will always love you. There doesn't seem to be anybody else for me, because my heart was yours the moment I set eyes on you. It's always you, my love. Always you...

And lastly, I will miss you. I will miss the way you were a fucking diva all the time. I'll miss the way you were so rude to anyone who crossed you. I'll miss your smiles, the way you saw the world, the way...the way you looked when you were happy, or sad, or anything really. You're fucking beautiful, sweetheart.

This letter can be read from 3 perspectives:

Crowley to Aziraphale after Good Omens season 2.

John Watson to Sherlock Holmes after Sherlock season 2. 🧐

Blade Ranger to Nick Loopin' Lopez after the crash.

There are 3 more lines to add as well for each:

He let out a sigh laden with a thousand years' worth of exhaustion and

took a look around the bookshop--his bookshop now, that Aziraphale had found it in him to abandon it. He didn't know why he stayed, given the pain it caused him, but leaving would somehow make it worse. Sinking low into the cushions of the couch, he took a swig from his bottle.

sank back into the chair, facing the other one that should've been filled with a lanky man and his stupid curly hair and stupid angelic face. His vision blurred in and out of focus from the lack of sleep--he knew that if he gave in now he would only wake up to the words, "Goodbye, John" ringing in his ears.

sank low onto his landing gear, staring at the picture of his one-- and it seemed only--love. It didn't matter how many years it had been since the accident; a part Blade was and would always belong to Nick. Looking around at the scene of the base, he headed back to his cliff, parking a little ways from the edge to keep watch over the park for lightning storms. He fought fires now. He saved lives for real. After all, that's all he could do at this point, wasn't it?

So sorry if the ending seems rushed on any of them but constructive criticism would be appreciated! Thank you for reading this!

[st-rayy]

In my mind (you're still here) - A Dazai Centred (plat) OdaZai Drabble

I don't remember when I wrote this... I really love them so much like pls I wish Oda wouldn't have died bc I love him so much AAAAA It's kinda angsty idk LOL

rough word count: 536

─────────────────

In my mind (you're still here)

These walls felt so cold and lonely now that he was gone.

Shattered glass, broken toys, papers scattered over the floor. A little stuffed animal, head ripped open, facing up, close to a nearly okay-looking chair. The joyous sounds of kids laughter were no more to be heard.

There, he stood, alone. With no family to go back to. Those kids were dead after all. And he, who took care of the brunette, offered shelter to a brat like him and went through all the trouble to escape with a suicidal freak, he too, had passed.

When he died, a part of Dazai had died as well. Hours, days, weeks the brunette spent at the grave, mumbling apologies and pleads for forgiveness that he couldn't save him, he who was most important to Dazai.

He should've known, shouldn't have let him do it all alone, convinced him to stay after he lost everything dear to him within a matter of seconds.

Dazai wasn't there when it happened, he had heard the explosion nonetheless. The only thing that was there when the brunette arrived were flames, the smell of smoke and a dream, the dream of a family, turned to dust.

Usually, Dazai shed no tears.

That night was an exception. Dazai had wept himself to sleep, in that small container of his. Thoughts and memories replayed in the executive's head, over and over. Nightmare after nightmare flooding Dazai's mind. The words spoken from his now dead friend stuck on repeat like a broken recorder.

"Be a good man" he said. How could those blue eyes ever see something remarkably close to good in Dazai? What possibly could be good about him? The brunette has so much blood on his hand, walked over so many corpses in his life.

There once was an emptiness in his heart, an all-destroying emptiness eating away on him inside. That emptiness had been filled by the love of a family Dazai could've never imagined to have.

A person who understood him better than anybody else. A person that made him believe that there was a reason to live for after all, even if not for himself. A person that filled this pit of darkness in his heart with warmth and comfort.

All of it shattered into a million pieces. Dazai had known all along that this would happen.

Mori, that bastard, only let Oda stay because he saw something useful in him. And Dazai blamed himself for having dragged Oda into this mess of an organisation.

Now, here he was – staring at a view of the ocean Dazai knew Oda would’ve loved to see himself, and write while watching the colours of the sunset reflect and illuminate on the water’s surface.

Sometimes Dazai tuned out the loud noises of the city behind him.

Sometimes he would stare at the deep blue of the sea while he imagined the redhead would tell him about the book he wanted to write.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he heard Oda’s voice, telling him that he was proud of Dazai and the man he had become.

And each time the brunette did, he ended up smiling to himself while the depth underneath him swallowed him whole once more.

[corellianrose]

How Can I Explain? Ch. 2

Pairing: Eddie Munson | Reader Summary: Definitely not the response you expected from Eddie Word Count: 3,536 Warning: vomiting, underaged drinking A/N: Here is chapter 2. Enjoy our sweet, sweet Eddie boy. =)

Chapter 1

Little Broken Parts

The Monday after finally rolled around with a great fizzle. You hadn’t heard from Eddie since before the battle of the bands. After your performance, you were so convinced that Eddie’s disappearance was him coming to see you backstage to slap a big, wet, sloppy kiss on ya. But when he never arrived, your heart dropped like an anvil in a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. 

You slumped at your desk trying to pay attention to the homeroom teacher. You couldn’t. This weekend you just replayed Friday night over and over in your mind. You remembered how Eddie looked at you in admiration. How he moshed in the back of the auditorium with your little brother. Or at least you thought. For all you knew, it was all in your imagination. Because it’s not like you could see really see anything properly beyond the stage lights. 

You had locked yourself away, in your room, all weekend. Only coming out to grab food and to use the bathroom. You avoided phone calls from Robin, Ellie, and anyone else trying to congratulate you on your performance. Dustin frequently tried coming to your room to check in on you, only to ignore him as well. Knowing he was that one separation degree between you and Eddie made your chest hurt. You absolutely hated it. But you only had yourself to blame.

“Late. Again. Mr. Munson” Ms. O’Connell announced. Her voice jolted you from your daydream. You could hear some kids in the class giggle. This is where Eddie would usually speak back to the teacher and make a big scene when entering the class late. Not today though.

You lifted your head to see Eddie seamlessly bobbing and weaving himself through the desks. His wild hair hid his face. Your heart pounded as your hands began to feel clammy against your bouncing knee. With a loud screech, Eddie pulled up in the chair next to you. You couldn’t help looking at him. The way he crossed his arms when he sat down made him seem small.  It was as if he didn't want to be noticed. Your mind went to a million places at once. You barely even notice the piece of paper he was dropping on your desk. Eddie gave you a nod when you placed your hand on top of it. You unfolded the note to see his messy scribble that read Hellfire table. Lunch. Signed with a couple of wonky colored-in bats. ------------------------

It was an incredibly hot Memorial Day weekend in ‘85. The last three-day weekend before the end of school and the start of summer. Luckily, for you, it meant one thing, it was the time when the rich kids opened up their pools and doors at their fabulously large houses for the coming season. Their parents would leave them for the weekend to do what rich parents did best. Neglect their children and let them do what they wanted.

You sat in the backseat of Steve’s car as his co-worker and your best friend sat in the front. Both arguing about something from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. 

“You’re most definitely like Linda Barrett.” her arms flailing around, beer spilling from the can in her hand. “The older friend, mentoring, influencing the younger. I-E me, Dustin...” she pressed her hand against her chest.

“Watch the leather, will ya? And what?” Steve’s face pinched while gripped the steering wheel. “No, way Robin,” shaking his head in disagreement. 

“You are!” Robin laughed into her beer can.

“If I’m anybody, it is absolutely Damone,” he ran a hand through his mile-high hair. “He knows how to get all the ladies.”

“As if, Harrington.” you can barely respond. You felt your sides cramping.

“No, but seriously. Every. Single. Girl. That comes in…” Robin gave a raspberry with her tongue while giving a thumbs down. She shifted to her knees, practically dangling herself into the backseat.

“Hey!” Steve used one hand to grab the back of her jacket and pulled her down into the seat. You and Robin continued to laugh. “I have not, by the way,” shaking a finger in the air while looking back but also trying to focus on the road.

“I have all of his rejections tallied in the backroom.” Robin reached behind her, handing you a can of your own. 

“Shut the front door” Your face dropped. “Steve… Steve Harrington? Being rejected?” That would be a sight to see, especially when you know he’s forced to wear those shorty short shorts and that sailor hat. Opening the can with a click and a hiss, you take a swig.

“Aaand we’re here” Steve slammed on the brakes, in frustration, near the house, wanting to stop his humiliation. Your head bobbed forward, hitting the back of the driver's seat and spilling some of your beer. “Shit. Sorry, Henderson.” his eyes winced.

“No, no, it’s all good.” You swiped at the spilled beer on your shirt, only making the beer spread and soak into your shirt some more. “Eh, fuck it.” Shrugging your shoulders. You were probably going to end up having more drinks spilled on you later. No use in trying, you thought. 

“Alright, my friends. You know the deal.” His voice is subdued with a hint of irritation. Steve took in a deep breath. You and Robin gave a knowing look to each other on what was about to come. Mother-hen Steve. He turned around with his fingers pointed at both of you. “No mixing of drinks and not smoking. Stick to one kind of thing tonight. Got it?!” His voice was stern. “You hear me?”

You and Robin looked at each other with shit-eating-grins on your face. You wiggled your eyebrows as you looked back at Steve.

“We cross our hearts and hope to die.” You both spoke in tandem. As well as crossing your hearts and giving the boy scout salute. “Scout’s honor!”

“I’m fucking serious.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “Remember what happened last time?” 

Oh, you remembered alright. You and Robin had drank so much that the two of you thought it would be brilliant to steal someone's bikes, leave the party, ride them to the convenience store at two am, and get slushies. Then calling Steve because you forgot where you placed the bikes and needed a ride home.

“Yea, we got it.” Robin rolled her eyes.

“Can we go in now?” Your body bounced with excitement as your hands were drumming on the top of the driver’s seat headrest.

“Alright then. Let’s go.” with one last chug, you exited the car.

Moments later, the three of you were squeezing together at the beer keg surrounded by the sweaty bodies of drunken teenagers. Girls danced provocatively, to the loud tune of Like a Virgin by Madonna, no doubt trying to impress their crushes that weren’t paying any attention to them. Boys flexed their non-existent muscles to each other, trying to “show” off the top masculinity they believed they possessed. It was a swirling jungle of hormones. 

The downstairs areas were littered with drunk teenagers sitting on the stairs and couches, empty beer cans and bottles abandoned on tables. All the cigarette and pot smoke made the air hazy. The wood flooring was sticky from the spilled alcohol. There were gaggles of teens hanging out on the back patio chanting along to someone holding Billy Hargrove as he did doing a keg stand.

About, two hours, you had lost your friends and your way around the house. You wander aimlessly in the halls with no destination in mind. Bumping into bodies that filled the hallway. By this time your drunken curiosity had already taken over. Every now and again, you would just open a door to peek in on a couple thumping awkwardly on a bed. Or opening another to see Jason Carver and some of his cronies snorting a line of the white nose candy.

By this time, Steve’s warning had flown out the window. Like paper lanterns in the sky on a windy day. You had chased a couple of beers with cups of heavily spiked punch and shots of tequila… Vodka? Or was it rum? You couldn’t remember by this point. You suddenly felt your stomach turn as the smell of spilled beer, aqua net, and sweaty body odor hit your nostrils. The hallways started spinning around you. The lights shone brightly, making your eyes water. You held yourself against the walls as you wobbled through the long corridors searching for a bathroom. The damned fruity punch (honestly could have been the shots. Who knows?) betrayed you and was quickly rising from your stomach, making you gag at its now acidic taste. Your hand rushed to your mouth as you tried to constrain what was to come. 

The next minute, you found yourself at the giving end of a porcelain bowl. Gripping the sides of the seat, you felt pieces of your soul leave your body. Spitting one last time, you reached for the handle and flushed the spewed contents. You leaned against the wall next to the toilet, you could finally take a full breath of air. Your head slumped forward because your neck no longer was able to hold its own weight. The world was so fuzzy and your body felt floaty. The walls vibrated from the music blasting throughout the house. Your head was pounding and your ears rang from the pressure building against your skull.

“Dude, get out,” a voice hissed. Barely lifting your head, only vaguely able to see, what could have been a small tussle, at the opening of the bathroom door. Behind your heavily lidded eyes, you saw a body being violently pushed away from the entrance and then the door being slammed shut. A shadowy mass flashed across the bathroom and kneeled down in front of you.

“Henderson?” You heard the familiar voice huff. “You ok? Talk to me, princess.” 

Their large hand nudged you softly at your shoulder, the other hand lifting your chin. Their calloused thumb caressed the edges of your jaw, wiping anything left over on your chin. Your eyes couldn't focus, but you could still make the shape of that unmistakable mane.

Eddie. His name floated in the black matter of your brain. Eddie. Cute Eddie. Eddieee. Your brain just repeating itself.

A sudden wafting stench of stale beer brought another wave of nausea. Bile came rising from your empty stomach, burning your throat once again. The contents dribbled out onto your shirt.

“Ooh, ooh! Let it out.” Eddie jerked your body toward the toilet. Gently gripping your hair away from your face as you hacked into the toilet. A cacophony of coughs fills the bowl. His other hand rubs your back. “It’s alright. I got ya, princess. We’ve all been here.” Eddie’s voice comforting you.

“Mm..fhank ooou” your voice croaked into the porcelain throne. Your hand gripped his thigh as the other wiped your mouth. Eddie’s body stiffened at your touch. “Eeeh…dd..ie Monshoon” the words slurred out your mouth in a sing-song manner.

“Alright, y/n, let’s get you settled.” he chuckled as he delicately backed you away from the toilet. He gently placed his hand on the back of your neck to support your head against the wall and wiped the tears from the edge of your eyes. Eddie rose to his feet to grab something by the sink. The sound of the tap being turned on and off filled the room. The feeling of his hand leaving you made you more empty than your stomach. It’s not like you and Eddie were incredibly close so having him against you was an odd sensation. However, it was a comforting one. One your drunken self decided that you really liked.

He bent back down to your level and kept you steady as he anxiously dabbed at your sweaty forehead. His brows drew together as he feared that he or his rings would scratch you. With every dab to your face, a small trail of heat was left behind from his touch. It was like your skin was trying to memorize the way he felt. There was an intimacy to his care in what seemed to be only for you. It was a side of Eddie you had never experienced before. You knew, beyond people's expectations, that he was a good person. But not like this. He had a softness in the way he looked at you and in the way he handled you, making sure he didn’t accidentally touch you inappropriately. Eddie was so gentle in his touch that it tickled. You couldn’t help but let out a groggy giggle. 

“What’s so funny, princess?” Eddie continued cleaning your face. Behind your heavy lids, you could see the worry that plastered his face. The lines on his face were accentuated by the furrowing of his brows. Your heart pounded against your chest.

“Oh… hic.. N..noothing” You playfully poked at his chest and let out another huge hiccup. Eddie pushed your hair back some more, wiping the damp towel across your brows. The air from the a/c hitting your heated skin sent goosebumps over your body. “Yyou’re... just .. hic… sopreeetty” You reached your hand up to his face and clumsily ran your thumb between his scrunched brows and tried to smooth it out.

“Ha, that’s a new one” Heat rose to his flushed face as he pressed his forehead against yours. His soft brown eyes focused on yours as he caressed his thumb along your jaw. “Don’t hate me, but I need to, ok?” 

“Mm…couldneverrrrrr” Your words stumbled out as if being accused of something.

The muscles in his arms flexed as he shed his jean vest first. Eddie then grabbed the hem of his shirt, slipping it over his head with ease. His auburn hair became more mussed. You could faintly make out the tattoos that scattered against his pale skin. Your drunk intrusive thoughts wanted you to reach out and touch them. The bats have always been your favorite. The next thing you knew, Eddie was pulling you towards him, shifting his weight to his knees. He fiddled with the top of your blouse, slowly unbuttoning it. You raised your arms for him to lift the blouse over your head. 

“Arms down, Henderson” he chuckled swallowing hard. The grazing of his cooled rings upon your skin gave you a shiver as he lowered your arms. Eddie chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. 

“But like wwwhy?” slumping into his body, your cheek pressing against his chest and your eyes fluttering, as you tried to keep them open. Sleep wanting to take over. He was so warm. And so comfy.

“You puked on your shirt, babes. And I’m going to need you to stay awake for me, ok?.” Eddie pushed your hair back away from your face.

“Mmmk…” Even in your drunken stupor, you could feel his hands trembling as they traveled to each button. After what felt like forever, Eddie was finally able to unbutton and slip your blouse off. With hitched breath, his body stilled when he glimpsed the bra you wore underneath. His eyes darted to the ceiling.

“Shit… fuck… I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he mumbled to himself repeatedly. His breath staggered and his heart pounded against his chest as it rioted for its escape.

After a while, he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe altogether and let out a huge sigh. He scratched at the back of his scalp and gave his hands a quick shake to expel the nerves that built up. Not wanting someone to walk in on them and think the wrong of the situation, Eddie finished replacing your shirt with his own as quickly as he could. He could not care any less what people said about him, but that was one situation he wouldn’t be able to handle if accused, especially if it was about you. 

Even in this inebriated state, he still thought you were the most rad girl he knew. However, this wasn’t how he wanted to see you in his clothes or you half-naked. Eddie’s mind wanted to wander, but he knew this was not the moment for it and that would have to wait for another day.  In another lifetime, when both are consenting bodies, this would have been a dream come true. With a brief rattle of his brain, he hurriedly put his jean vest back on. 

“Oo, mmm… ode..styyy” you giggled, lazily slapping your hand on his arm.

“Ok, sunshine. You’re gonna hate this‌ too,” he warned again. Eddie threw one of your arms around his shoulders for support, wrapping his arms under your armpit and hoisting you up. He then intertwined his fingers with the hand you held over his shoulder.

“No, back down,” you pouted. The sudden weight of your body losing grip in Eddie’s arms. Your head was spinning from vertigo, hitting your body. A lump formed in his throat. He hated seeing you this way. 

“Sorry, princess.” Eddie cleared his throat. He held you close and he held you firm. For a fleeting moment, you thought he may have placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I’m going to place my arm around your waist and you’re going to throw that pretty arm back over my shoulders again. Ok?”

With an unbalanced nod, you wrapped your arm back around him. He grabbed hold of your waist and braced you against him tightly. There was no way he was letting you slip again.

“Alright, let’s find Harrington, shall we?” Eddie struggled a bit to push you forward out of the bathroom and into the crowded hall.  ------------------------

Lunch couldn’t come fast enough and it didn’t. Your fingers tingled from the vibration of drumming your pencil against the desk. You reread the note over and over and over, trying to decipher anything from it. What could Eddie need to say? He sent an obvious message, on Friday, that he didn’t feel the same.

‘God, he hates you,’ you thought. You weren’t able to concentrate on anything but that note and Eddie. The edges of the small paper are already beginning to fray like your wracked mind.

A rush of energy consumes your body, making you shake your leg violently under the desk. You glanced over at the clock above the classroom door. 

‘Only 15 minutes till lunch.’ You squeezed your eyes shut imagining the bell ringing at that moment. Opening them up only to be disappointed that your Jedi mind trick didn’t work.

“Hey!” Robin reached over and placed her hand on your knee. “Calm down, you’re probably overthinking things,” she whispered.

“Oh, really?” the sarcastic tone coming out with a bit more venom than intended. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I just… What if he hates me Robi...” tears pricked the edges of your eyes. 

Robin grabbed your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Please, with the way that boy looks at you, you’d think you were god herself coming for his salvation.”

“Shut up” You couldn’t help but laugh and accidentally snorted. It helped to rid some of the jitters‌. 

“Is there something funny about Uranus, Ms. Henderson?” the astronomy teacher asked.

“No, Mrs. Waller,” it took all of you not to burst at the timing of her question. 

The bell finally rang. It was probably the longest 15 minutes you’ve ever gone through, other than when your little brother and Steve went into the tunnels after Dart.

Every part of your anatomy vibrated with nervous energy. The books rattled in your arms as you practically power walked your way to your locker. Your hands trembled when trying to dial the numbers of your lock. Always managing to miss the last digit of the combination.

“Goddamnit!” You slammed your fist against the metal door. “Fucking open, you goddamned piece of shit!”

“Whoa! Now I see where Littleson gets his colorful vocabulary from” Eddie leaned onto the locker next to you with his arms crossed. The impact of his body on the locker made you jump out of your skin. There was a smugness to him, a little more than usual. But that’s what made you fall for him. It was the casualness of the enormous ego he had. Eddie wasn’t concerned by the likes of society accepting him. And that was the gravity that pulled you into his orbit.   

“E…eddie. Hi” barely able to get the words out.

“Look, about Friday.” Eddie looked down, playing with the rings on his fingers.

“Y..you didn’t call. You could have at least..” you began, taking in a deep breath. Unsure of how to properly convey the complexity of your feelings. “I g..get it. I com…completely read this wr…” 

“Hender…” halted only by the soft pressing of his hand against your cheek and the sweet whisper of his voice. “Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?”

“All the damn time.” His face was mere centimeters from your face. Noses practically touching. You could feel the eyes on the two of you as roaming students ran to their next class.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

CW: Mentions of su!c!de, Bodily harm, low self-worth. Mommy/Daddy issues. Generally just very depressing.

♡

Red nose, hot tears.

My eyes are full, do you see my pain?

I haven’t cried this much in a long while,

Lord, why am I so broken?

I am unwanted, small, and needy.

Sitting on the side of my bed, sunk into the shape of my body,

Feeling suicidal, wanting to open my stomach up.

I can't speak my mind, don’t wanna hurt anybody.

I can’t explain my pain, mother please listen to me,

See my hurt, see my heart.

Falling out of my chest,

Everything seems so perfect yet it’s in a million pieces,

Picture picture,

Mother, why am I like this?

I want to shatter that mirror, scream and cry,

Sticking glass shards in my skin,

Holding my hand over the Bible, I am true.

I don’t believe in god, never have.

Stop saying he’ll save me, I don’t need anybody.

Mother, am I what you wanted?

I know I’m not.

I am what you will never have, a painful reminder that there is no white picket fence.

The blood you have shed, was it not a sign?

God telling you to leave it alone, maybe you shouldn’t.

Little girl trying to live in a big, big world, I know you didn’t know better.

That doesn’t make it right.

Too young, you birthed your pain.

Feeling suicidal, I’ll make it go away.

My sweet baby, I worry you don’t want me.

You won’t touch me, please touch me.

I'm lost, I'm worthless.

I’m ripping my hair out, I’m begging, I’m pleading.

You’re the apple of my eye, I’m living in the garden of Eden.

It’s all a lie, it’s all a lie.

There’s nothing holy, daddy please stop drinking.

Feeling suicidal, I wanna go back to hell.

He was my haven, the sweetest devil I ever met.

What’s a fallen Angel to do when Lucifer is done with this fiery game, the passion that died.

Eating pomegranate seeds, begging to be trapped with him once again.

I’m being condemned, forced to listen to the screeches of your Bible,

Trying to force me to confess my sins.

This body is hell, I want to shave it down, chip away the smooth surface,

Put in the work.

Hold Aphrodite’s beauty, you’ll be wanted.

Honey is only so good for so long, why wouldn’t he crave peppers?

Let me crawl inside, grow my wings,

Will I be beautiful?

Mother, father.

My love.

Will I ever be enough?

[a-postraumatic-mess]

Am I beautiful when I am sleeping?

With these arms that I stitched out,

Did anybody ever notice me when I was looking away, not wanting to be found?

I tried to bear the weight of a broken heart,

But the pieces became day after day heavier than the day before.

Some pieces I had to left,

Some were like anchors, attaching me to the floor.

So I left them there, as monuments raised in the name of some God,

Or just to remind Humanity that in millions of ages, they've all had a broken heart and lost what they were fighting for.

Always wishing for a heart as dreamy as mine,

A soul that can see with poetic eyes,

Broken, yet still delighted and scared of life.

[foxlawed]

❛ tell me that you don’t want this - lie to yourself. ❜ CE Natrick

@ofwings-andclaws; don't ask me, we cravin' pain tonight

everything was wrong.

this wasn't how this was supposed to go, this wasn't the future he'd seen for himself - this wasn't the love he thought he'd find once he got out of that house. it was all wrong. he didn't live at home anymore, didn't spend most of his days at the office anymore & still, his parents had their feet on his back, pulling him down. why?

& why did he have to fall for the one guy he shouldn't? or rather, why was that one guy his heart decided to open up for a liar? & why had he lied in the first place? why the charade? why the act? why didn't he just .. tell him? nathan might've given him a chance anyway, had accepted to get to know him, maybe... they would've had a chance, but how could he ever trust him again?

patrick lied to him, deceived him & the worst was .... nathan had ignored the voices, had argued with them for hours, claimed patrick wasn't what they said he was. he was wrong.

& the worst of the worst was... it hurt.

god, it hurt.

his heart felt like it burst into a million pieces & nathan was holding on for dear life. what didn't help was patrick's persistence. wherever nathan went, he was there. admittedly.... they went to law school together, so he couldn't exactly escape him, but he didn't have to keep popping up in his vicinity. didn't he realize it was over? didn't he see the damage? was he that blind? did he seriously think they could just go back to how things were before that dinner?

pffht.

nathan had successfully avoided any form of exchange - words, looks, physical contact for a good week. admittedly, he... hadn't exactly been subtle nor had he been very graceful in his mission, but at least he'd been successful. it didn't hurt any less. if anything, he'd dare say it hurt even more with every passing day. he yearned for him, yearned for his touch, for his silly compliments, his beautiful smile & the way his eyes would soften & shine whenever they fell on his. of course he still loved him.

love didn't just vaporize despite pain & hurt overshadowing the good, which nathan knew was normal & yet ... he wished it wasn't this hard. he just wanted for the pain to stop. anybody wanna buy a heart? it's broken, but easy-care - he didn't need it anymore.

the weekend... would be difficult. nathan had holed up in his dorm room, his roommate was out... partying or something & nathan had decided he didn't feel like it. not even the c'mon distract yourself, it'll help got him to go. he did... forget to pick up food, though, so he'd snuck out in a pair of sweatpants & an over-sized hoodie he'd never wear for class - nor would he the sweatpants. still, it was friday evening, so he might as well - he planned to be quick anyway.

he... didn't expect patrick to wait in front of his door when he returned with a little plastic bag clutched to his chest & pink tinting his cheeks. the omega stopped, dead in his tracks & ironically held his breath - like he'd go unnoticed if he just didn't breathe. not like patrick was a good fifteen feet from him, waiting & seemingly determined not to leave until that door opened.

patrick didn't know he wasn't in there, did he? given that he was knocking & talking to the door... yeah no, he didn't know. nathan could just ..... quietly turn around, accidentally drop his bag, because he was a dumbass & alert the entire floor to his location. cause why not. wincing to himself mostly, he glanced up & around & he knew that if their eyes met, which they did, that he wouldn't be able to....

"nate."

oh no, that smile. how was he supposed to stay strong? he quickly grabbed his bag & collected its former contents to refill it, once again clutch it to his chest & scooted along the wall towards his room - his eyes always on patrick's, simply because .... because... he just... he couldn't help but get lost in them, in the memories & the intense feeling of joy he felt when the selkie's scent his hit nose. but no.

"please go." brows furrowed, he was so close to his door, but patrick moved in front of it, making sure nathan couldn't slip out of his grasp again like the little eel he sometimes was.

"i just wanna talk."

"well, i don't, now leave me alone."

"nate, please. i can explain."

"i don't care, you lied to me. you set me up. just ... just go." he did not want to start crying in the middle of the goddamn hallway, but if patrick didn't leave.. he couldn't guarantee for anything.

patrick could try to explain, but it didn't matter. there was nothing to explain, it was all crystal clear. the fox didn't need it spelled out, he just needed to move on with his life. patrick.... stepped aside? nathan eyes him suspiciously, but fiddled with his keys nonetheless to open the door & slip inside, but just as he tried to close it, a large hand grabbed hold of it & before nathan could even comment, patrick had slipped in & closed the door behind them.

"just leave me alone!" he dropped his back on his bed before facing patrick again, but damn he was quick & before nathan even realized it, he was on his bed, too - on his back with both his wrists held & pinned to the mattress & a very tall, very handsome & liar alpha had climbed on top of him. he ground his hips against nathan's & he couldn't help a little gasp, which ... no.

"tell me that you don’t want this - lie to yourself."

"i..... i.... you lied to me. it wasn't real." bright blue glanced up, tears had formed & dribbled down the omega's cheeks slowly.

"no no no." clearly distressed he'd made his soulmate omega cry, patrick cupped his face & brought their lips together in the gentlest kiss he could possibly muster up.

"it's real. we're real. i want you, nate."

[holachikkka]

sad girl hour

go ahead, put anything..

okay but does that actually mean I can put anything because I don't really know. and to be honest I don't really know what to put. I just want somewhere to type about how I am feeling. so this will have to do for a while. maybe like a diary.. I don't know. until I sort my head out. I've just split up with my boyfriend after 4 years and my heart is broken into a million pieces and I don't think it will ever get better. and I just want to talk about it to somebody who understands. but it doesn't feel like anybody does. and I hate putting my baggage onto other people anyways. I feel alone.. very alone and its horrible. I wish could fast forward a few months to when I feel better but honestly I don't think I ever will. i didnt want him to leave me I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives but he doesn't want me anymore, and I cant change that no matter how hard I try.

[mlmxreader]

Not Just Anybody | Fox Mulder x gn!reader

request: "You're the only person I could think of who could help" With Fox or Byers please?

My heart for those two idiots

Thanks - anonymous

summary: it just had to be Fox Mulder, your boyfriend, almost banging down your door at five o'clock in the morning, didn't it?

pronouns used: gender neutral language in general

warnings: swearing, mild teasing

You were laid in bed when there was a furious pounding on your door, someone so desperate to get in that they would have broken the wood into a million little pieces; you grumbled, voice groggy as you called out for the impatient visitor to wait for a moment, but when you opened the door, you sighed and shook your head.

"Oh, for fuck's sake... what now?"

Fox smiled, shrugging as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat and cleared his throat. "I thought you'd be happy to see me."

"At five o'clock in the morning on a Saturday?" You scoffed, rubbing your face before letting him in. "Y'know, being my boyfriend doesn't mean you get a free pass to break my door this early."

He let himself raid your fridge, more than at home as he grabbed the carton of orange juice, the stuff without the pulp, and took a swig from it after unscrewing the cap. "I need something."

You sat up on the counter beside him, trying not to roll your eyes as you smiled. "What now?"

"I have a case about lycanthropy," Fox explained, "nothing major, but I'm struggling, and... well, you're the only person I could think of who could help."

You quirked a brow, tilting your head. "Oh, so now I'm your significant other and a freelance werewolf hunter?"

"You know what I mean," he muttered. "I couldn't ask just anybody for help with this, you know that. Me and Scully... we're stumped."

"Alright," you sighed, running a hand through his hair when he decided to stand between your legs. "But there's a catch."

"A catch?" Fox repeated, furrowing his brows.

"I want you to at least reward my efforts," you purred, taking his tie in your hands at the knot and slowly working your way down until it slipped out of your hands. "It's only fair."

Swallowing thickly, Fox placed his hands at the edge of the counter either side of your legs, his knuckles pale from how tightly he held on, as if it were the only thing keeping him from touching you. "Teasing me isn't fair, (y/n)."

"It's five in the morning," you pointed out, "you nearly broke down my door just to ask me for help... a little teasing is more than fair, agent."

The tips of his ears were starting to go pink, a certain heat spreading across his cheeks as he smiled at you and nodded. "Fair enough... you'll have your reward."

"Thank you," you hummed, tracing his jaw and hooking your finger and thumb at his chin, making him keep his gaze on you. "You're a good boyfriend... now, about this case."

"What about it?"

"Well, are you gonna tell me what it is exactly you and Scully are struggling with, or do I need to play twenty questions with you?"

"Twenty questions sounds good," he agreed. "Especially if you lose some clothes."

[astaroth1357]

Brothers Accidentally Make the MC Cry

Hello, this is the obligatory italics blurb that I have to put under my titles or else things look weird and it bothers me. Don’t mind the blurb. The blurb is a friend. (Though I could start writing pieces of a little story up here just to see if anyone even reads them… Hm…. Ideas, ideas...)

Warning: Angsty

Lucifer 

If he were being honest, he’d say that a part of him had always feared this would happen...

Lucifer likes to tell himself that he’s invincible, but everyday stresses can get to him just like anybody else. And like other people, he may not always act his best when he’s dealing with a full plate…

The MC hadn’t meant to make his day harder when they told him that they accidentally broke a lamp. It was a genuine accident! But Lucifer was still dealing with the fallout from another one of Mammon’s failed schemes, Satan had cursed all of his ties again, and Beel had eaten every scrap of food in the House… for the second time that week...

In comparison to everything else, a broken lamp was quite minor, but for Lucifer it was just the last straw and, for just a moment, he lost control…

His palm slamming against his desk hard enough to snap its legs and send it crashing to the ground. He scarcely knew what kind of look he had on his face, but whatever it was, he had made his human jump back in shock...

Really, it was silly for them to assume that he had gotten that upset over a lamp, but he saw tears starting to gather in their eyes all the same as they stammered out a quiet apology… 

It felt like an ice spike to the heart. Damn his temper… He really ought to have been more careful with them after… well, everything he’d done before…

He was quick to go over to them, catching their face with his hand and giving them the most sincere apology he could muster while wiping away their tears… Overreactions aren’t becoming of him and he hated to cause them pain… 

He, of course, took care of the lamp himself as penance and on the surface that seemed to be it (but to anyone paying attention, he had softened up on the MC considerably for at least a week. They probably could have sworn in front of Diavolo and he’d let it slide, he felt that bad about it...)

“I’m sorry, MC, I shouldn't have reacted like that… You haven’t done anything wrong, I promise… Please, there’s no need to cry…”

Mammon

Oh? What's that? His heart is now in a million pieces now...? Well, that seems fair…

He and the MC were out on one of his gambling nights and he was actually on a killer winning streak for once! Jackpots around every corner, he was rolling in it!

The MC had tried to convince him to just throw in the towel early, take his winnings while he had them and bail, but he wasn’t hearing any of it.

In hindsight, their insistence must have really shown how much the MC cared about him and wanted him to keep his earnings... but in the heat of the moment all he saw was someone trying to spoil his one night of fun.

To be fair to Mammon, it’s rather rare for him to lose control of his anger like he did. But when they tried to pull him away from the roulette table, he genuinely snarled at them and told them to get lost...!

Fortunately, he regretted his actions immediately after he saw the hurt in their eyes…

If their goal had been to get him to step away from the table, they achieved it. But only because he got up to pull them into a hug while stammering out apologies… Watching them actually shed tears hurt worse than any rope Lucifer had ever tied around him...

He spent the rest of the night away from the casino and trying to cheer up his human like his life depended on it... Seeing them in pain just tore him up that much.

"Ah, come on MC… I'm sorry, honest…! Please don't look at me like that, I'll do whatever ya want okay...? Just no more cryin…"

Leviathan 

Now thinks he's the worst, literally the worst. Lower than lesser demon spit. Lower than Cerberus' shit. Lower than… well, you get the idea…

Levi can get very… intense when things involving his passions are brought up. This can be a fairly endearing quality… but it also means he gets disproportionately impassioned about seemingly minor things.

Levi ended up snapping at the MC when they let him over-sleep one day. This wasn’t unusual for them to do as Levi’s sleep schedule was notoriously shitty, but they shouldn't have done it that particular day…

An item he wanted on Akuzon was going to go live that morning and he had to be awake to participate in the bidding. He had mentioned it to the MC the day before, but he blew past it so quickly they didn’t actually remember…

He found out that he missed the bidding after he woke up and he was pissed. Genuinely enraged that they didn’t remember to wake him up to the point that he was shouting and baring his fangs! 

… Really it was not a good look and he should have known better.

The look of fear and the tears gathering in the MC’s eyes snapped him out of it like a hard slap to the face, and somehow, it stung even more than that would’ve... It wasn’t long before he was crying along with them, practically begging for forgiveness...

He made it up to them by having a private showing of their favorite movie using a projector in the Planetarium, cuddling with them under a blanket while still, occasionally, muttering apologies under his breath.

“M-MC…? MC don’t cry…!! Please don’t cry, I- I’m sorry!! I… MC… I’m so sorry…”

Satan

Like Lucifer, he always worried this would happen and he hated when it finally came to pass…

He’d spent all his life learning how to restrain his temper, but it’s not a perfect science. There are the occasional times where the heat of the moment gets the better of him and he does something he regrets…

The MC had walked in on him one morning while he was fuming about Beel leaving the fridge empty again. It hadn’t been the first time they’d seen him like this, but this time he was absolutely furious.

He had told Beel again and again and again to get his snacking under control or to, you know, get up early and get more food so the whole family wouldn’t spend the morning starving but noooo! Mr. I’m Hungry never thinks about anything but his own stomach and then leaves whoever’s on kitchen duty to pick up the slack like some dimwitted muscle-bound meathead and THEN-!!

When the MC tried to take his arm to calm him down, he jerked their hand away from him and roared right in their face. He may not be a lion, but the full sound of a pissed off demon could make humans have breakdowns all on its own…

Which was more or less what the MC began to do as he gripped their wrist, panicking while taking shallow, stuttered breaths…

Satan's anger left him swiftly and he let them go, only reaching out to touch them again when he tried to wipe the tears from their cheeks… He had to coo and beg for them to calm down, which was only so successful because he was fighting back tears himself… 

On a scale of 1-10 of the worse things his temper has ever done, he'd rank this a firm 200... He refused to touch them for about a week afterwards and it took a long time for him to trust himself again… He just didn't want to hurt them...

"MC?? MC…? M… Oh no… MC, I'm so sorry, I would never hurt you! I… I wouldn't dare… please believe me..."

Asmodeus 

Oh baby! Sweetheart! Love of his life!! No, please no… don't subject him to this…

MC and Asmo were out dancing and some witch came by to try and flatter him.

Now, Asmo is a flirt normally, but get a few drinks in him and well… Let's just say his love of attention overrides his better judgment far more often than it should and friends don't let friends go home with creepy witches.

When the MC told the witch to scram, Asmo was confused and, frankly, quite irritated. That lovely lady had been stroking his ego in all the right ways and his human just scared her off so rudely!

Under most situations, Asmo would have kept his cool better but the haze of Demonus made his tongue loose... which let the venom fly…

He couldn’t quite remember what he said. The words left his mouth so quickly that they slurred together on his clumsy tongue, but it must have been enough because the MC flinched away from him.

That hurt all on its own, but as he started to process the pain in their eyes… he had never sobered up so fast...

He had their cheeks cupped in his hands and were kissing away their tears within the instant. Though the loud music at the club should have drowned out his apologies, the MC could see it written all over his equally tearful face…

He pulled them into his arms and then out of the club shortly after, the fog of Demonus that plagued him just moments before had long left him and all he knew was that the MC needed to be brought home and cuddled… stat.

“M-MC…? I’m sorry was it something… did I…? I’m so sorry… Please don’t cry…!”

Beelzebub 

He really didn't mean to shout so loud… honest... 

Beel becomes a completely different person when he’s hungry. He’s not entirely to blame, as his hunger can get so intense, but he still can snap from time to time when he really doesn’t mean to…

It was right after one of his practices and Beel hadn’t gotten a chance to eat in a few hours by the time the MC came to grab him from RAD. That already had him in a bad mood, but practice hadn’t gone too well for him either… 

He honestly didn’t realize how sharply he snapped at the MC when they asked him how he was. The irritation and frustration of the day all hit him at once and he became much harsher towards them than he ever intended…

It must have been the shock of seeing ever-sweet Beel suddenly get so aggressive with them that startled them so. He saw a couple tears gathering in their eyes before they could hide them and his heart just sank…

The MC was picked up in a crushing bear hug before they even let out their first sniffle. Beel didn’t even have to say how sorry he was, they could feel it in every squeeze he gave them. All while he completely ignored the growling of his stomach...

Beel wouldn’t let them go until he was certain they’d forgiven him which, honestly, took a while. Mammon was the one to ask why he had carried them all the way back to the House like a baby but… well, he didn’t need to know, now did he?

“MC, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have shouted… Are you alright...?”

Belphegor 

Stubborn boi is stubborn and trying really, really hard not to crack right now...

That's not going to last long.

Belphie can be a bit of a brat and since he's the baby of the family so he's used to getting his way. He and the MC don't argue a ton, but when they do, he always digs his heels in and refuses to budge an inch on anything.

So what started out as a simple disagreement on how often Belphie would flake out on his chores turned into a kick-the-door-down argument over how much his laziness left the MC to pick up the slack...

It ended as all their barn burning arguments do, with demon-form Belphie sitting cross-legged on his bed refusing to look at them and the MC angrily pacing about the room until he cools off…

And then he heard it.

First a sniffle… and then a hiccup. Another sniffle then muffled whine…

Oh no… not this… Why are they crying…? They don't normally cry…

To his credit (or perhaps discredit), he managed to hold out for about two minutes before he finally glanced back at them. Seeing the MC wiping their tears all alone on the floor crumbled his resolve real quick.

The MC found themselves enveloped by Belphie's arms before they even noticed he got up. Naturally, he was pouting and trying to make it seem like "not a big deal or anything" but they could tell by the nervous twitch of his tail that he was hurting too…

Needless to say. Belphie started remembering his chores a lot more after that.

"Humans are so fragile… I didn't mean to make you cry, you know? I'll get things done just… Don't cry… please…"

[jennaissantes]

𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 — yang jungwon

| ravenclaw!jungwon x slytherin!reader | fluff | angst | hogwarts!au | warnings: profanity |

6 weeks and 4 days since Yang Jungwon broke your heart.

6 weeks and 4 days, you cried.

6 weeks and 4 days since you talked to him.

6 weeks and 4 days, you were heartbroken.

Even though Jungwon was ‘the one’. Even though you were together for 4 years. Even though you were always there for him. Even though he had broken all those promises he sealed with a kiss, you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him. No. You obviously still loved him. I mean, it's not really very easy to move on from someone you gave your whole heart to is it?

“I dont love you anymore”, he said. And just as easily as he had taken your heart, he broke it into a million pieces, with just one sentence, and he walked out of the slytherin common room. And you remember thinking… “‘Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Why doesn't he love me anymore?”

You couldn’t even run after him. You couldn’t bring yourself to. You didn't cry at once, because you were still not fully understanding why he suddenly broke up with you.

Was there someone else? Sure he’d been acting kinda off lately but you had never seen him getting too close with a girl. But he could be seeing someone in secret. These exact thoughts were the ones that made you cry. You could barely focus on your studies anymore, always messing up the spells, even the simplest ones like ‘alohomora’ or ‘expelliarmus’. And the O.W.L’swere fast approaching.

‘If wonnie was here, he’d help with name cards and stuff so I can study it easier.’ ‘If wonnie was here he’d tell me to take breaks’ These thoughts filled your head, making you fall into a daze, you only realized that they were calling you when Jay snapped his fingers right in front of your eyes. “Hello? Earth to Y/N? Dude you’re zoning out again.” You put on a smile and shook your head, “It’s nothing. I haven’t gotten good sleep for a few days now. It’ll be fine in a few days, don't worry.”

‘If wonnie was here, he’d help with name cards and stuff so I can study it easier.’ ‘If wonnie was here he’d tell me to take breaks’ These thoughts filled your head, making you fall into a daze, you only realized that they were calling you when Jay snapped his fingers right in front of your eyes. “Hello? Earth to Y/N? Dude you’re zoning out again.” You put on a smile and shook your head, “It’s nothing. I haven’t gotten good sleep for a few days now. It’ll be fine in a few days, don't worry.”

‘If wonnie was here, he’d help with name cards and stuff so I can study it easier.’ ‘If wonnie was here he’d tell me to take breaks’ These thoughts filled your head, making you fall into a daze, you only realized that they were calling you when Jay snapped his fingers right in front of your eyes. “Hello? Earth to Y/N? Dude you’re zoning out again.” You put on a smile and shook your head, “It’s nothing. I haven’t gotten good sleep for a few days now. It’ll be fine in a few days, don't worry.”

Riki raises his eyebrows, “Yeah and how exactly do you plan on getting sleep with your exams coming up?” You roll your eyes, “ Y’know for a Slytherin, yall NERDS.” you poke your tongue out, making a face, Riki making one right back, and Jay just chuckling at your antics.

He knew you were upset. And he hated Jungwon for doing what he did. He wanted to ask him why he had done it so suddenly. Jungwon was very much in love with Y/N. Anybody could tell from the way he used to look at her with heart eyes, smiling so wide whenever she came into his vision. He couldn’t believe it when you had told him that he broke up with you. When you made a funny face at him and riki, he smiled, knowing that you were at least trying to focus on other things.

Just then, when you were finally smiling, after 6 weeks I remind you, Jungwon walks in with Sunoo and Jake. Jungwon doesnt look in your direction, but Jake gives you a small smile, which you return, and Sunoo looks at you, as if he wants to say something, but then shakes his head and turns away. His friends didn't do anything wrong, you didn't hold a grudge against them. Besides, Jake and Sunoo have always been sweethearts, they’d go out of their way to make someone smile.

You turned back to see Jay opening his mouth to say something to you but ‘BOOM’. You widen your eyes, looking in the direction of the sound. It came from a few seats afar, people now laughing at him. Sunghoon had just tried to perform a spell on his friend [ in a teasing manner ] but ended up getting covered in black soot. You giggled at his pouting. His friend, in an attempt to save him from some of the embarrassment, shouted “THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE EVERYONE!”, rather loudly at that, which only caused more heads to turn to see poor Sunghoon, burying his head in his palms.

In between the commotion, while you were turning back, you caught Jungwon looking at you, you widened your eyes and so did he, turning away quickly to let his eyes wander off to somewhere else.

That was only the first of the events that unfolded.

The next day, you found him in the same place as you, everywhere you went. If you were in the Great Hall, he was there too. If you were in the Library, he was there too. If you were in Hogsmeade, he was there too.

The day following that, was a Quidditch match, between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Your brother, Heeseung, was the Seeker so you were cheering really loud. Unbeknownst to you, Jungwon had his binoculars, and his eyes were on you the whole time. He smiled when you smiled, knowing that you were fine without him. And that broke him. You were fine, you were happy, and he wasn’t there. He was jealous. Jealous of how you spent time with Jay, all day all night. He knew Jay was your best friend, but he could always cross that line. And what if you accepted Jay? Jay and you were perfect. The perfect pair of friends. Nobody would be surprised if the two of you started dating. But everyone was surprised when you and him were dating. A Slytherin and a Ravenclaw? Who would have imagined. The two of you wouldn’t last, they said, and he couldn’t help but wonder, ‘what if they were right? what if we don’t stick together until the end?’

He loves you. Not loved. Loves. He began overthinking and decided that it would be a good idea to just break up now instead of feeling the heartbreak later in the future. Was it a good idea? It seemed so at that time. And he did it so quickly, he regretted it the minute after he told you. “I don’t love you anymore.” Bullshit. He loved you so much, it was painful. He couldn’t imagine a future without you. He wanted to make it right, but it was already done. He was sure you hated him. Why wouldn’t you? He broke your heart, and left you to pick up the pieces. He was so stupid. If he had talked to you about this, he knows exactly what you would’ve said.

“You really care what they think, Wonnie? Does it really matter? As long as we love each other it's gonna be fine okay? We've been together for so long. This shouldn’t change anything baby. I love you so much. Please don’t think about it too much, okay?”

That’s what you would have said. And he would’ve been happy. You would’ve been happy too. But he just ruined it.

He didn't know what to do, so he went to the only people he knew would understand, Sunoo and Jake.

“So you still love her?”Jake asks, after listening to his whole explanation. Jungwon looked at him in disbelief. “yes??? How obvious is it?” Jake shrugs, “I dunno man you broke up with her. I heard that she hasn’t been doing very well for the past few days. I think you should talk to her. As soon as possible.” Sunoo agrees, “Although I'm not sure she's gonna forgive you just like that, you should try, because she still loves you.” Jungwon couldn’t believe it, “S-she still loves me? Even after what I did to her?” Jake nods vigorously, “Of course she does! The two of you were together for 4 years! Do you really think she’ll stop just in a few weeks?”

That’s all he needed to hear.

He sprinted to your common room. He knew the password. Of course he did. He knew every time they changed it. You always told him, so he could sneak in. He walked in, only to see you sitting by the fireplace, your face buried in your hands. You were crying.

It broke his heart to see you like this. You looked so tired, like you hadn’t slept for weeks, which was true.

He bent down, sitting on his knees. He was having a debate with himself, on whether or not he should comfort you, hold your hands, and tell you that everything was going to be fine. He decided to do that. He didn't care right now. You were in pain and he had to help you.

“Hey… look at me..”, he spoke with the softest voice. You gasped lightly, looking up to see the person you wanted to see most. “W-what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping by now? It’s pretty late.” you said, wiping your tears away and sniffing your nose. He smiled at you, “How do you expect me to sleep when all I can think of is you? I haven’t slept a wink.” You frowned, “Then go sleep.. why are you here?” your tone was a bit colder now. You were annoyed. How could he just show up out of nowhere, after ignoring you for weeks?

“I'm here because I wanted to talk to you. About us.” Your eyes widen and you say, “What’s there to talk about? You b-broke up with me. You didn't give me an explanation and you ignored me for 7 weeks and 5 days, but who's counting. What’s there to talk about Jungwon?” His heart ached at your tone, you were so hurt, and he was the one who hurt you.

“I'm here to tell you why I did that. So please just, hear me out okay?”, he begs you. You sigh and agree, “You get five minutes. Start.”

“Ever since we started dating, I heard so many people talking about us, saying that we weren’t good for each other because you were in Slytherin and I'm a Ravenclaw . I tried my best to make sure you didn't hear about any of them, because I didn’t want you to overthink like I did. It only got worse until recently and I was so stupid and I thought that maybe we weren’t good for each other, so I thought that if I broke up with you now, it would save me from the heartbreak later on. I know I'm an idiot but I'm an idiot who is so so in love. With you. I regretted the moment I told you that I didn’t love you anymore, because I still did. I always have, I do, and I always will. I know you probably hate me and my reason is literally so stupid but please, give me one more chance. Or at least think about it?” He finished off, looking at you, who was tearing up again. And you said exactly what he thought you were gonna say.

“Yang Jungwon, you are the stupidest idiot I've ever met in my entire life. You really care what they think? Does it really matter? As long as we loved each other it was gonna be fine right? We had been together for so long.” Now it was his turn to tear up at your words. You moved closer to him and brought one hand up to his cheek, and he melted against your touch. “I love you too Wonnie. But I'm gonna need some time. You did break my heart after all.”

He nodded, “I understand. Take your time… but not too much time okay? I dont think I can wait so long for you.” You smiled at his words, promising not to take too long.

The two of you finally slept well that night.

The O.W.L’s were finally over. You did pretty well, and got a high score for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

You rushed to the grounds, where you had promised to meet Jungwon. He had helped you out a bit when you were struggling, so you needed to thank him.

You saw him standing there, facing the other way. You ran and hugged him from behind, surprising him, but he melted into your warmth nevertheless.

“I'm guessing you got good grades?'' he turns around and smiles at you . You nodded, “I did!” and you hugged him, making him chuckle and hug you back. The two of you stayed that way for a moment before he said, “So ahem.. have you uh.. thought about what I asked weeks ago?”, he looks at you and you give him a warm smile, wrapping your hands around his neck, “Mmhm. I have.” His hands automatically came to rest at your hips. It was a habit. “And? What's your answer?”, he looks at you hopefully.

You smile and move closer to him, whispering, “This'' before closing the gap between the two of you. Jungwon gasped a bit, before melting into the kiss. His hands brought you closer, pulling you as close as he could. It was such an overwhelming feeling, finally being able to feel each other's warmth after so long. He pulled away from the kiss, after leaving a few more pecks, not being able to get enough of your kisses. He rested his forehead against yours, “I love you, and I'm sorry for everything I caused.” You shook your head and tiptoed to give him a kiss on his forehead, “I love you too Wonnie, and please don't apologise. You were just overthinking okay? I'm always here if you need to talk about anything and everything.”

“Okay.”

©iwonzzi 2022

guess who’s back >:)

[muffindaddystyles]

Keep holding my hand.

Harry was in an emotionally abusive relationship before y/n, something happens that makes his insecurities float back.

Impetuous reel of dithery thoughts rapidly bustles on the wall, Harry stares at it blankly – he stares and stares and stares ..... yet it does nothing for what he wishes.

His stomach fills with acid and his mouth burns with foulness with each painful beat his heart gives realizing maybe this's the end ---- he doesn’t spare a glance to the dinner wafting off he cooked with much happiness looking forward to tonight.

Where did I went wrong?

Did I hurt her in any way? What if she didn’t like me popping up at her studio that day to remind her of tonight

Well Keat didn’t like it ..... She used to hate it Infact,

No! She’s not like keat —--

But, then why isn’t she picking your phone? She knew, promised and she still didn’t came tonight?

What if she’s sick? Fuck, then I should go to her.

He shuts his screaming conscience down, shoving the heels of his palm against his pop-sockets wearily to make him feel something --- to escape the hurt that’s looming around him, crushing and squeezing him to death.

He blows off the candles, melted to their base from being sorrowfully lit from three hours atleast --- mocking him and his sincerity.

You deserve this.

Why did y’think ye' deserved anybody’s love?

She doesn’t love you anymore --- just like keat....

The corners of his glossy eyes prickles with pearly tears and it drops down his clavicles, with blurry vision he dials her one last time and it goes straight to her voicemail alike past three hours.

Hiya, Y/N here! Leave a message ‘cos I mighty be busy or maybe lazyin' round the farthest corner of my home .......

He tosses and turns, does it manifold times --- his sleep betrays him too and he’s angry soaring with venom, if he could scream from a cliff and throw stones down the pound furiously he'd instead his eyes runs droopy.

His shuddering breath sulks to tranquillity, all he could hear’s a screech of wind that’s hitting the window and his guts.

His body jerks at the chirp of voice he’s oh so familiar with —- other days he'd be submerging in the honeyness of it but at the moment he bites down his wrist to keep him wrenching his empty stomach out.

“Happy anniversary, bub!” His brows clinches down into a grumblish frown and he presses his hand between his thighs turning his back upon hearing the careful steps treading in.

The creaking stalls and she stands at his doorway with heavy heart, her throat —-- uff her throat feels like as if someone punched it several times.

Not letting her tongue to utter any word —- anything that’d assure him and her, everything’s alright --- it’s not a big deal.

Ofcourse, it is!

Little things matters most to him – told you —- he .. — he told you himself and you hurt him, you hurt him just because you couldn’t stand to your boss.

She wanted it to be perfect for him, for them — winded up the work her boss hoarded on her mercilessly last minute demanding her to wrap it up in an hour --- felt giddy and motivated to do it speedily looking forward to their celebration. Bought his favourite chocolate moose cake standing in the line of his favourite bakery, since he doesn’t like any other flavour.

She stands at the side bed looking down at him, heartbreaking in million pieces seeing him torn, all teary cheeks and this stoic for the first time they’ve been dating.

“’M sorry -- I –- my boss trapped me and – ‘n I really wanted to call you —-- then it took me forever at your favourite bakery, I’m so sorry baby.” She rambles nebbish-ly and catches onto his shoulder when he tries to face away from her.

He mutters, “Forget bout it. Go back home ‘s getting late.” Though, his heart lurches forward to embrace her and shower her in kisses telling her “it’s totally fine.” And that “how bout we celebrate now,” but being an emotionally sensitive person has it's very cons and one of it is requiring space and time to recover for better thinking.

His eyes slips into abyss and he holds back a sniffle when he feels the mattress dip behind him, she sighs, coos in the softest voice she only keeps it for her lover, “Oh baby .... you’re my home.” She's well aware of the anxiety he goes through. He feels like everything crumbling but she's there to catch him and she rubs his back.

The many many reassurances he needs from his lovie to keep going for them, the praises for him for treating her like the most precious daffodil —- because he never got praised before; even though how much of the world’s luxuries he'd lay at his ex's feet was never assured that how much she loves him (because she never did).

Y/N would never want his insecurities to float back and sting his scars, she'd never want him to ever go through from what he did in past —-- to be used like a toy and manipulated, might sound weird and whumpy of her but she’d kill many dragons to keep him protected at any cost.

He sleeps with her body cocooning him from behind and his erratic breath syncs to her calm ones.

..

His dreams full of suffering, void and darkness violently clashing and swirling against eachother as the ugly creature takes Y/N away from him, leaving him in prison of his own pathetic head.

Fear of loss —- he fears loosing her and does it make him toxic? He was snubbed so many times – being told his behaviour was toxic that he’d hesitate before doing anything precisely very fondly caring —- but then Y/N came in his life and she'd tell him how much she appreciates him, how he’s like the best sundae in hot summer and he felt like she’s the sunshine he was waiting for in the never-ending rainy days.

Y/N stirs from her light sleep on hearing the broken whimpers, the valley of her chest moist as he cries into her and she cups his cheeks gazing down at him concerned, “What happened sunny .... baby talk to me ...” Her voice groggy and on verge of tearing.

She sits back a little with him still between her legs and wipes his tears away gently, “I’m so sorry ...” He mumbles –-- eyes bloodshot and she shakes her head pulling him closer, if she’d be able to cradle him in his lap she'd but apparently he’s too big.

Queasy hiccups, “f – fo'--... d —- dou...” sad sniffles and hiccups that tightens his chest.

She tenders his wobbly lip kissing his temple, “shhh. shhh, puppy I should be the one apologising yeah?”

“no .. I didn’t gave another thought before doubting --- that –-- that you’re about to leave, no person in right mind does this – I —-,” His body trembles with blue sobs.

“Harry ...” she tries to gain his attention and when he still doesn’t listen, “I know I don’t deserve y'n – ‘n maybe you don’t want me anymore —--” she raises it a bit, “Harry!” he falls quiet --- nibbling the corner of his cheek to hold back hiccups.

“Look at me puppy, yeah? Shh hold my hand and take a breather.” She smiles. Takes his sweaty hand and aligns his palm to her mouth for a deep kiss – then squeezes it.

“Keep holding it baby, keep holding my hand, you’re going to be fine --- we – see us here,” she points between them with gleamy eyes and he nods timidly wiping his nose with his sweater paw, “we are fine baby –- we are okay..”

How could someone be this dreamy? This gentle and sweet? What did I do to deserve my lovie?

“Better?” She inquires. Little worried that he'll fall back into rabbit hole and tucks his head under her chin, keeping him warm against her chest and he clutches the hem of her shirt nuzzling into her.

“Did you really think, I’d leave you and that on our first year anniversary? Sorry to tell you .... ‘m stitched to your hip for life time, there’s no exchange policy puppy how much you grump.”

She grins. Happy to earn a feeble chuckle from him and scratches his head, looping his curls around her fingers.

“I love you.” She startles when he speaks hoarsely after the longest time and it’s not like he's saying it for the first –-- but it still doesn’t fail to engulf her in warmth, so much of it.

“I love you too, you’re my only puppy and very loved one.” His eyes crinkles prettily at that and she kisses the tip of his nose.

“You want to rest? We could eat the dinner you dearly made for me and oh we got moose cake in fridge too, what a coincidence!” She giggles. The room fills with wet treacly noises of smoochy kisses she’s patching on his cheeks and his jaw.

Without a word he holds her finger and leads her to kitchen, she creates proud noises of “ooh!” and “ahh!” trying to sneak a glimpse from over his shoulder but he'd shoo her away as he heats the food; she gets out gorgeous smiles from him she cherishes so much.

“You did all of this for me?” She gasps sweetly, hand over heart to accentuate the love she's feeling and walks towards him when he nods timidly rubbing his socks feetsies one over the other.

His cheeks blazes peach and she giggles pinching them, “You’re so cute aren’t you?”

“Okay then. Let’s eat!” she claps her hands together and pecks his lips before pulling her chair beside him rather than opposite to him and his heart flutters at that --- each pore oozing with deep love for her and every insecurity and anxious ideas completely drains out of him when she pats his seat and wiggles in her own --- anticipated to taste what he made.

“Hmm. This tastes so good, H! Your hands are really magical, huh?” She passes him a smirk pecking each of his knuckle to make him feel better about himself and his lips quirks up softly, “Thank you – d’ya w'na umm eat the moose here o'in bed?” Her face beams at that, him speaking more than two words and looking forward to spend the night with her.

“On bed, please –-- would you like tea? Think ‘m running out of if —- proper jello ....” She cleans the table and raises her brows when he gazes her adorningly as she’s the nymphs of stary oceans.

He shakes his head, nose twitchy as she nudges him teasingly and he takes her off-guard --- hugging her by waist and kisses her soft tummy.

“Nothing just love you bleedin’ much.”

..

[oh-holy-slut]

Cats equal eternity [Damon Salvatore]

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x female reader

Summary: Reader is a witch and in a relationship with Damon. Her mortality leads to problems.

Warnings: maybe slight angst

Word Count: ~2,2k

This was requested by @moon-witchs-world ♡︎ feedback is always appreciated.

You had one more day to pass until your relationship anniversary.  It was your five years down, and forever to go. You were head over heels for your handsome boyfriend, and he was truly, deeply and madly in love with you either. The beginning of your journey was rough. Damon needed a witch to free Katherine and found true love instead. You wanted to avoid getting involved with the problems and needs of humans, vampires or even other witches. You didn't practice magic this much, and it took you a while to convince Damon, that Katherine, the vampire he loved, never was stuck in the tomb. At first, he refused to believe, he was hunting a ghost. At least, you used a simple locator spell to show Damon Katherine was somewhere hiding in New York and never cared enough to find him.

After this reveal something in Damon broke into pieces. He felt betrayed, which made him flip his humanity switch. He yelled at you and threatened you to leave him alone, otherwise he claimed, he would rip your heart out in a split second. But he never did. His threats didn't impress you and didn't lead you to leave. No matter how often he repeated them with a stone-cold voice and a blank stare. Damon, who was a stranger to you at this point, never seemed dangerous. He seemed broken. Like a lost kitten with the anger of a grown tiger. Leaving him alone in the dark place he was never crossed your mind. You have sworn to yourself to make him feel again and get him out of the void. Only then you would find your way back to normal. At least, it took countless tears, plenty of broken bottles of bourbon and a night out to get Damon back to partly humanity.

The vampire wanted to feed on somebody at the bar, so you were forced to keep him company and pay close attention, Damon would just drink and not kill people for fun. While he looked out his next victim, he saw a bar tender "flirting" with you. You seemed uncomfortable and kept your distance. But the man was overbearing, didn't accept your reject. He learned over the bar, giving you a smarmy grin.  As you shifted on the bar stool, with sweaty hands and a racing heart, Damon finally flipped the switch back on and came to your rescue. He feigned perfectly to be your boyfriend, with such a smug attitude, the man got the hint and left you alone. "I owed you safety." Damon said back then, explaining his changed behavior. Later on, there wasn't any need to fake a relationship, but Damon constantly did this signature thing with his eyes. You felt licking flames where his gaze laid, heating up your skin. Your night out continued in a slow dance and had its peak when his lips brushed over yours. Indeed, it was bad timing, from that moment on Damon and you shared everything. A home, a future, your whole life.

Your lips curled up, remembering the very first weeks of dating. Your fingertips tracing over the box you bought on the  occasion of your anniversary. It was made of black velvet, with a satin ribbon on it - hiding a piece of lingerie. You chose the black set of lingerie because you knew how Damon would react, seeing you in it. Heavy steps on the stairs snapped you out of memories. With hectic and clumsy motions you hid the box back in the closet, slammed the doors and turned toward Damon with a wide smile and a few loose strands of hair, framing your lineaments.

The vampire raised his eyebrows and looked at you suspiciously. "Were you practicing magic? Did you just hide candles in the closet?" His voice was strangely distant. "We have had this conversation a million times. I told you, spells are dangerous. They make you a target. If anybody finds out, that you are a witch-", his tone making it clear it was not up for discussion. You took a step forward, reached for his hand. "Damon...", you began softly and leaned over, so that your lips slightly touched his earlobe. "You wouldn't be mad at me if you knew what I stashed in there." 

Your voice was silkier than usual, more seductive.

The vampire cleaned his throat, running his hands down your body. His hands rested on your waist, while he left kisses down your neck. "Don't play games, kitten", he mumbled against your skin. "I was serious about magic. Or not practicing magic, to make it clear."

You rolled your eyes and escaped his grip. "I know your thoughts about my legacy. And I say it once again; I wasn't breaking our deal, bu-"

"This could be so much easier if you would agree to turn. Become a vampire, lose your magic. We would have the purest form of infinity. You wouldn't have a target on you." Damon gasped desperately. He never however believed that you could protect yourself, and he kept treating you like a porcelain doll. You understood why Damon was being so overprotective, specially with everything he had to deal with over the years - and the love he was feeling for you.

That was the reason why you agreed to stay away from your witchcraft as long as you live. You assumed, even a simple locator spell would be debilitating and painful. Maybe it would cause you nosebleed or faint. There was no chance of practicing in secret, no matter if you would like to.

Damon tried. He tried so hard to keep the people he loved safe because they were literally everything he had in life. That was especially applicable to you - and his younger brother Stefan; even if they haven't talked in ages. Stefan always kept a special place in his brother's heart.

However, you never met Stefan Salvatore. Damon didn't introduce you to his brother, and after a few tries, you stopped asking about him and their relationship. He always trailed off when it comes to Stefan. There was clearly hurt in the past. And Damon did his best to bury it with hundreds of miles of distance. Their bond had never upset you before because you knew that, whatever happened, he would tell you in due time seeing as it was his information to tell.

Damon's eyes were wide, his brows knitted, and he spoke in a deep husky voice, as he continued. "Y/N, your heart sticks with magic. But what kind of love can we have? We can be happy for about twenty years, maybe less, maybe more. And then, what happens next?" The vampire came closer, the sadness in his eyes multiplied a million times.

You made a dismissive gesture, your glaze never left his. "What are you trying to tell?" Your voice cracked, your eyes filling with tears. "Tomorrow is our anniversary. We... We love each other..."

"It means nothing!" Damon hissed. "It means nothing, when you die."

"How can you say that? H-how can y-you throw away, what we have?" Tears ran down your cheeks, your throat feel like it had constricted, allowing no breath to enter your lungs. Every fiber of your being been tensed as you listened nervously to each and every word that spilled from Damon’s lips. "Don't you see that I'm trying?", you sniffed.

Damon hesitated. A moment too long. His silence was a punch in your chest. In the next split second you ran. Out of the room. Down the stairs. Slammed the door and ran out of your apartment.

As the door clicked closed, Damon didn’t even turn back, only leaned forward, pressing his forehead against his hand in pure and utter dejection. He was too lost in his thoughts to pick up on you.

Without an aim you kept your tempo - you ran through the streets of Mystic Falls as far as your feet brought you. You tossed on a bench, heavily breathing under tears. The lump in your throat inhabited from screaming. You didn't waste a thought, that it was bad manners being outside alone in the dark as a young woman.

You needed to get away. From your whole life falling apart. You would inhale some deep breaths, wipe away the tears and finally return. To Damon, the love of your life. You never had fought like this before, never heard Damon talk about your love as senseless.

Inwardly, you knew, Damon didn't mean a syllable of what he said earlier on. Despite everything, it hurt.

With your eyes closed, recapitulating every single day you spent with Damon - you finally made a decision.

For god's sake, you'll let him turn you into a living undead creature. You flattened the hoodie you wore, stood up and maneuvered your way back home.

Suddenly, it didn't feel like a betrayal towards the other witches and sorcerer to give up your magic.

Suddenly, it didn't feel like a betrayal towards the other witches and sorcerer to give up your magic. Everything you ever wanted, was a happy life with the man you loved the most.

Back home you called out the vampire's name.

After you locked the door, you started searching for Damon. Your glaze wandered around, searched for him in every room. Nothing.

The time you spent outside was enough to make him leave. You exhaled a deep breath, covering your face with your hands. Your lips formed a silent plea that Damon was safe and didn't do anything dumb.

Your pull out your smartphone from your pants, dealing Damon's number. He didn't answer your call, and you blinked away the tears, that wanted to spill.

In the next moment, you were aware of some movement or motion behind the door. You stood up, moving towards the unfamiliar sound.

The door swung open in a heartbeat, so you could see Damon carrying one box in each hand. It took you a few seconds to realize, that these were not just simple boxes. The meowing from them gave you another hint.

You looked up at Damon, who had watery eyes and a smirk on his face. "Did you miss me?", he teased with his eyebrows raised. Damon found back to his sprite self - but nevertheless you easily recognized by his somewhat melancholy tone.

You nodded with a wide smile on your lips. Seeing Damon healthy and in a good mood had lifted the Pacific Ocean right off your neck. “I’m so much happier when I’m with you, Damon.”

Damon carefully put the boxes down, opening the first one. "This", he pointed at it "this bad boy's named 'Bacon'." A red cat jumped out, as he was finally back home.

You kneeled, opening the other box. A black furry ball climbed right up on your arm. "And the prince charming on your arm is Charlie", Damon explained happily. You straighten up, carefully petting the cat. "Naaaw, he's so fluffy." You were overjoyed. Watching Bacon exploring the living room while cuddle with Charlie was another level of wholesomeness.

"I already love them", you admitted softly. The next heartbeat Damon was right behind you, his arms wrapping around you tightly, unwilling to let go for even a second as he rested his chin atop your head, closing his eyes and just allowing himself to get lost in the moment. It was a wonder to him, the man who spent years in bars and clubs, feeding on people or causing problems, how something so simple could be so fulfilling so long as it was with the right person but, my god, was it. He couldn’t help the little smile playing on his lips.

Finally, Charlie jumped off your arms and leaned on all four paws right next to Bacon. Your hands curled up in front of you to hold on to Damon’s arms gently, your fingers like little dancers against his skin, softly tracing indistinguishable patterns, erupting tingles with goosebumps along his arms.

"Since we can't have kids, I got us two furry babies." The vampires voice barely audible. "This is my way to tell you, I am ready to spend my eternal life with you."

You bit your lower lip, cleaning up your throat. "Our eternal life will be pretty long, since I resumed, that you were right about the whole witch-vampire-thing.

I want a forever, what deserves to be called like that."

"I love you, Y/N", Damon whispered softly. "I couldn't be happier."

[timextoxhajima]

RESONANCE BEACH: Fly Away With Me

RESONANCE BEACH masterlist [to be linked]

member: best friend! jaehyun x reader

genre: fluff and angst

wc: 1.3k

warnings: swearing

synopsis: our hearts are trapped in the same dream

"do you feel better?"

"mm, i think it depends on what we're talking about."

jaehyun chuckles, not bothering to look up from his feet sinking into the sand as he walks. his eyes are slightly squinted from the sun, but only because he's blocking you and using his shadow to keep you out of the sunlight.

"regardless, i hope this isn't a wasted trip. didn't drag you across the country for a road trip only for you to not feel any better."

"uh huh," you snicker and hold your palm over your eyes to look up at him. "i mean, i do. it's just... it's gonna take a while."

he nods, looking up on the other side when he hears a dog bark.

it feels like a million years since you first met jaehyun. he grew up well, as attested by the number of girls on his tail in school. yeah, you know it's cliche. the boy best friend who glowed the hell up and suddenly became the famous, popular jock friend.

but it's not like you hung out with him in school that much - or at least enough for the girls to pick on you.

they know you are friends and a good number of them have done enough homework to know that jaehyun's been your best friend for more than a decade but he hangs out with his big ol' boy gang in school.

leaves you out of the spotlight.

that is - until jaehyun self-elected himself as your personal therapist, bodyguard and chauffeur when your boyfriend decides to dump you on graduation night.

whilst it was fun watching jaehyun being held back by johnny and taeyong from bashing the boy's face in, it really wasn't funny having his words play over and over and over again in your head like a broken record.

"i didn't want to break up with you before graduation because i didn't want to be the reason why you failed your exams."

"i didn't wanna wake you up but we're almost there," jaehyun mumbles under his breath, obviously tired from the driving as well. the car slows to a stop at a red light, and he taps on his phone mounted to the dashboard to stop the GPS tracking.

you shuffle and sniffle lightly, pushing yourself up on the passenger's seat and looking out the window. it's a pretty row of shophouses, and the cafes and restaurants along the road were probably more aesthetic than their menus were.

the restaurant - chosen by jaehyun simply hitting a digital bottle on his phone and picking the one the mouth landed on - was something more like a jazz bar with classy ribs and al funghi linguines.

he didn't really care that you weren't hungry, not when he was.

the strawberry milkshake slurps loudly as he inhales, his hands tightly gripping onto the glass as the both of you watch haechan and mark bicker in the group chat.

you wouldn't describe your friendship with jaehyun as stellar; role model-like. it's not.

you've had your fair share of fights with him- yelling at each other, physical fighting (and by physical fighting, you truly do mean pulling his hair and sometimes he shoves you too).

of course, you'd only allow it because you've given him so many 'gender-equality' speeches, and on top of that, the 15-year friendship? not going to stop him from picking a physical fight with you.

but jaehyun knows when to stop. he knows if he's gone too far or how many more words he can hurl at you before you crack under pressure.

he knows how far he can go before you need to be held in his arms, crying into his shirt and letting you hit him and shove him away - yeah, i know what you're thinking.

sounds like a boyfriend. sounds like that universally known best friends-who-are-probably-in-love-with-each-other trope. it does.

and it is.

the thing is - we already knew.

kind of.

it's in the sweets and snacks he used to give you before and after school if you weren't dating anybody. he was careful not to when you had a boyfriend, but otherwise... you'd lost count of how many people would ask if you two were dating.

you were pretty sure jaehyun had lied and told people you were dating, but it never got out far enough for word to spread. especially not when you were the uglier, quieter best friend of the duo.

"you should ask them to pack the truffle fries, we're not gonna be able to finish it."

jaehyun looks up from his phone and squints at you. "try me."

"you're gonna puke later when you realise you've eaten more than you can digest."

"when have i ever had so much that i can't digest it?"

gently rolling your eyes, you sigh and sink back into the sofa seat. the fries crunch as he jabs the pieces with his fork, shoving them into his mouth like he hadn't had a plate of pasta and some chicken nuggets.

it does get boring with jaehyun sometimes because he's so mellow with his friends he doesn't get into as much shit as the younger ones do; he's never the source of drama.

but he's comforting when you're back at the beach (only because the holiday house was a 5-minute walk from it), and he's holding your shoes because you're too busy screaming about your skirt getting wet.

it's not uncommon for people to question your friendship with him, because you were either too similar or too much of an opposite from each other. most people think he's sweet and caring - which he is - but not with you.

he's brutal and has a strange sense of tough love - because he knows that's the kind you need.

"scream any more and you'll just about wake the rest of the neighbourhood up," he groans, knowing when to step back when the waves crash into your calves.

"why are they so fucking irregular-" you stumble and step clumsily all over the sand, the water and grains getting stuck to your legs and all over your skirt. finally, you give in and strut away from shore, leaving footprints in the sand as you walk towards him.

"think you just lack a sense of rhythm and pacing," he sniggers, yawning as he turns to face the holiday house.

you snort, used to his mockery. reaching out to get your shoes, jaehyun simply turns and walks off with them in his hands.

you'll never deny loving jaehyun - in whatever ways anybody else can imagine or experience, you probably have that with him.

platonic. romantic. hate.

what do people really mean when they say soulmates?

is it the way they complete each other or the way they complement one another?

is it the way they bicker but make up in hot kisses or lovingly press their foreheads together and wish till death does them apart?

god, actually - anything but those.

the thought tickles a funny bone in you, and jaehyun hears your giggle when he comes out of the bathroom with damp hair and his water-spotted shirt.

"what is it? thought of a new insult for me?"

"maybe," you rub your eyes and turn to look at him, giving him a tiny smile before turning back to the ocean stretched out beyond the balcony.

"guess I'm never gonna find that out then," he groans as he sits, pulling his feet in and hugging the arches. "i do hope this trip was a-"

"yeah, it was," you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear. "thanks."

"you're welcome."

you look down through the corners of your eyes and catch him staring at you, eyes glimmering like the stars you could see in the night sky.

"you're lucky we've known each other for like half our lives now, else i wouldn't hesitate to punch a tooth out from your mouth."

he chuckles, reaching over to press his knuckle into your thigh. "but you won't. you love me too much to do that."

a snort runs through your throat.

probably.

[guesswho873]

Enjoyment after a long time

Warning: swearing cuz of tommy and harsh words, sobbing ect.

Summary: tommy was sad andXD cheer him up and dream comes and tommy gets his revenge.

Characters in this : a little bit of lee!tommy and ler!XD mostly ler!Tommy and lee!dream.

--------------------------------------------------

so......It's been months after tommy's exiqution(again idk how to spell it). No one came to see him..... No one, ABSOLUTELY NOBODY, did anybody even cared..... A-are they happy that he is gone. No n-no, that can't be,he had some f-friends like phill, tubbo an- wait!!

T-tubbo his best friend atleast ,tommy thought he is..........

......

... He did this to him HOW COULD HE, I(tommy) EVEN FOUGHT TECHNO CUZ HE KILLED TUBBO. tommy was in anger, broken, his knees gave up he fell to the ground.sobbing

Everything turned black around him and he heard someone behind. he turned back and became pale white.

There he was, dream. He had a netherite sword.and he was coming closer to tommy. Oh no nO NO NO!!! tommy felt the fear. But he saw someone behind? w-was it "TUBBO?!".

He shouted. "Tubbo a-are you here to take me? Tommy felt sooo happy to finally see his best friend in a long time. But the happiness didn't last long cuz tubbo smiled and said.

"Yeah!! take his life dream, no one cared about him anyway!

" WHA- before he could finish his sentence, he felt a sharp pain going through his chest.

He screamed. Finally waking up. He was in tears " another nightmare" tommy winened still shaking in fear 'I mean it's gonna happen sooner or later' tommy thought.

He got up and did some of his morning tasks from his hut or whatever he called it.

He went out,no one was there not even ghostbur and friend. "Omg now!!? From all the time now only ghostbur is gone come on?? I feel like I need some company". Tommy thought.but Tommy puffed his chest and said

"No, I didn't need any company I am ok on my own. I can do whatever the fu*k l want and no one would stop me..." He said that starting it loud but in the end his voice became quite and said.

"Untill dream comes and......." The nightmares came back to him. He shook it off. He was breaking some wood. That is all he can do. if he upgrade it dream will make him to burn it.

So he was collecting wood when he heard a 'pop' sound from behind he flinched and tuned back to see a man with green clothes and a mask.

He almost screamed thinking that it is dream but, then only realised that it was XD.

Oh my- XD you scared the shit out of me. XD just stared him.

"W-why are you h-here?" Tommy asked. XD looked at him and said " I heard you scream so I came here to see if you are fine. Tommy relaxed a bit. And tuned away from XD and collected some more wood.

"And?? You are gonna answer me or not?" Tommy turned to him angrily and said

" NO!! I'm not FU*KING fine, what YOU are gonna do? help me?!!? No you won't.all you do is just ask me "if l am fine" and do NOTHING" tommy kinda shouted but regretted it.

"TOMMY do you know who you are talking to?" XD asked furiously. "yes! The elder brother of the person who IS BEEN TORTURING ME!" He said which shocked XD.but then tommy apologized.

"I-i am sorry XD it's just that all that is happening came to my head" said with a apologizing voice.

"It's just that, what dream is doing to me the past couple of months,the isolation and the fact that tubbo left me like this.... And the fear of dream killing me...... And I have no one to talk to even if there is ghostbur I feel like I need a human interaction." Tommy said in a broken voice almost in tears.

XD's heart (if he had one) broke into million pieces and got near him and pat his head."it's ok tommy everything will get better soon". XD comforted him.

But it only made tommy want to cry more. XD talked to dream soo many times to not torture tommy like this all the time,but dream just wouldn't listen and he couldn't bring himself to hurt his little brother.

george was a good friend of tommy that is how XD know tommy.

Seeing tommy like this made him so sad,seeing his condition, so he did the unthinkable. He created two golden apples and some steaks and gave it to him. yes. reader you read it right, he did it.

Tommy's eyes widened at this with shock. (I mean I am even in shock) "a-are you gonna give me these?. He asked amused.

XD smiled(which tommy couldn't see) and nodded "yes". "But don't expect another one from me"XD said.

Tommy took a min to realise that XD said yes

Which made XD smile even more.

Tommy was so happy that he took it and put the steaks and one gapple in his inventory and took a bite out of the other gapple and did not even say thank you, as he IS tommy. but XD can see that he was grateful by his face.

Tommy was starving and didn't even remember the last time he ate a proper meal. So he ate it now, cuz if dream saw he has a golden apple he would have made him burn it.

XD made him sit down and saw happily, as tommy was eating the gapple.

After tommy finished the gapple. XD noticed that there is some juice from the gapple in his shirt "omg kids" XD thought and said

"Tommy you got some stains from the gapple" XD creates a napkin and tried to wipe the stain in tommy's shirt in his ribs area when he accidently squeezed this ribs and tommy yelped.

XD was suprised ,but then know what was happening.

"Tommy what was that~~" XD asked in a teasing tone.

"Nothing" tommy said but it only made XD smile even more.but he acted like he didn't know.

"Oh ok! Let's get back to cleaning. He said but only squeezed it again.

"Ahh" squeaked again.

"Tommy you can't yell at me for trying to wipe the stain off of your shirt"

I hahahahm not yehheling ahaht yohou" tommy giggled.

"NOW you are LAUGHING at me?!! This is just unacceptable. XD shook his head,smiling and stated to squeeze and scratch his ribs and tommy laughed.

"Hahahahhahahah XD yohohobu arhahhahahae jusheheheht tickl- hahahahhahah me!!" Tommy laughed. Seeing tommy laugh freely after a long time XD smiled.

Ticking you?? Tommy!! Why would I? I am just trying to help and your framing me for something I didn't even do !!!' Now that's it!," saying that XD blowed a raspberry on his ribs and scratching them at the same time and tommy was in histerical.

"AHahaHAHAHHAHAhhahahahaHAHAHHAHA XD shahhahhHahahhaHahhahaP' after some time XD stops and rub away the ghost tickles.

"Feeling good?" XD said sitting beside him.

Tommy was in a loopy smile he loved it cuz it is the first time he laughed in months and said:

"Yhehes, it whahahs nihihice" tommy said before coming back to his senses and realising that he was a "man" and said " I m-mean it wasn't, I just said it to make you feel better"

XD smiled.

But after XD sighed and said:

" I told dream sooo many times to stop torturing you but he just wouldn't listen" uge. " "He is soo stubborn as always" XD said disappointed at dream.

Tommy looked down at the ground and said "I mean it's not suprising, he IS dream" XD nodded.

A curious tommy asked XD " if he is always like this then... what you usually do to make him listen?" XD said "hm?" In confusion.

"I mean if he is stubborn all the time so... When he was living with you, or when he was young ,what did you do to make him listen cuz you can't hurt him?"tommy asked.

That is them XD remembered something that he always use when dream is misbehaving or being annoying as a punishment.

"Oh!! I remember something that always work on him. oh~~ he could never handle that!!"XD said excitedly.

Tommy was sooo eager to find what it is." TELL me!! Pls I need to know!!" Tommy said.

XD was gonna say it but he saw dream from far away,comming here.

"Tommy!! He is comming here!! " hearing these words tommy quickly dug a hole in the ground ,and crafted a chest from the wood he got.put all his steaks and the gapple in there and buried it. "Dream can't see this" tommy thought and shook off the dirt.

He nodded to XD and he nodded back. Then XD disappeared with a 'pop'.

Tommy quickly went to cut trees for wood again.and he came.....

"Hello~~ Tommy how is your day been?" dream said with a sadist's voice. Tommy hated everything about it. Surprisingly dream was not wearing and armer for .......idk.

some reason. But tommy didn't care.

"FU*K OFF DREAM" Tommy shouted but dream just smirked and shook his head. "tommy how many times I told you,you should not say that to your frienddddd' dream said.

"YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!!! DREAM!!!" tommy shouted in anger. "THEN WHO THE FU*K IS?!" Dream replyed that made tommy shut up.

"I AM TRYING TO BE NICE AND YOU ARE SHOUTING AT ME?! YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL FU*KING DO!" Dream shouted and took his netheright sword. Tommy backed up.

"yeah that's what I thought! Now do not make your friend mad, cuz you have no other" dream said pointing out again and again that everyone left him like this.

"B-b-but I ha-have gh-host-" tommy shuddered in fear. The answer made dream mad.

"WHAT WAS THAT??" dream shouted and took one step forward to tommy with his sword.

"NNO NO NO! No one I-i have no one......other that you." Tommy said feared.

"Yeah and DON'T even think ghostbur is your friend he is just pitying you and staying around for a bit. And see he is not here now" dream said.which made tommy even more sad.

"Yeah!! And when you thew that party no one came why?? Cuz they are not your friends anymore!!" Dream smirked "BUT I came so I am your true friend" he giggled in a evil way.

'IT'S CUZ OF YOU' tommy thought but he wasn't sure if it's true.....

"Nowwww tommy show me your inventory " tommy froze ' did he know???!!' Tommy thought.but he cannot do anything so threw everything in his inventory to the ground. Dream examined it.

Lots of woods, wooden sword, axe, some feathers from all the chickens he killed ' he can't make a furnace cuz I wont allow it then he ate the chickens raw?' Dream thought 'but then he would be sick by now?' Dream thought

"Ok you can take you items back" dream said Tommy was shocked. 'Wait really??!" Tommy said.

"Yeah!!" Cuz you are my friend." Dream said. But tommy ignored the last sentence. After tommy picked up his stuff, dream asked with a evil grin.

"Tommy did you build a furnace?' With a evil voice. Tommy froze in fear. But he thought saying the truth will be the safe option and told yes.

"Hmmmmmmm? I will let this slip this time" dream said tommy sighed in relief.untill dream saw XD's napkin in the ground.

"What is THIS" dream asked furiously.OH NO!! tommy is screwed but thankfully he knows how to lie from all his business. He came up with a lie.

"I-its TUBBO'S I am so sorry!!!" Tommy said quickly.

"THAT IS TWO TIMES TODAY!" dream said furiously. Tommy honestly thought he was dead. But dream said "ok I am taking this"

"What?" That's it?" Tommy accidently said.

But dream smirked and said " not only that cuz it's tubbo's I think you are really attached to it so now I have it.... and burn it'

Dream lit up the fire and tommy brought his inner actor's skills into action.

"No!! Please PLEASE dream DREAM I WILL DO ANYTHING PLEASE please... Don't THAT IS the onl- NOOOO!!!!". Tommy said with almost tears.omg someone give tommy a oscar award.

Dream put it on fire. Tommy "cried" and said "why?" Dream shrugged and said "should have thought before THINKING about saying a lie to me.

Tommy almost wanted to laugh that dream actually believed him but he didn't want to ruin the act so he slowly stood up and walked to the river and sat there seeing the water.

He was thinking about something when dream came and sat next to him. "Hey!!" Dream said but tommy just looked at the water. "Why are you doing this" Tommy asked dream. But dream simply said

"Correction ,TUBBO is doing this" and smiled.

Tommy wanted to scream but he can't he is just....... Stuck here ........... For ever. Why can't dream just admit that he is doing all of these.why IS HE SO STUBBORN ON TORTURING HIM. tommy thought.

That's when he remembered XD saying something about "how to make dream listen"tommy thought.

XD said it would make him listen without refusing it cuz whatever it is dream can't handle it and by not hurting him too. But he didn't say what is it tho.

That is also was ruined by dream. Why dream has to ruin EVERYTHING. then tommy remembered XD was ticking him........ Will it work on dream...?

On dream's POV tommy was just thinking, he thought tommy was thinking about the napkin. So he got up and said

" ok if you are not gonna say anything then I better go to-" before dream could finish his sentence, tommy also got up and said

"Wait!!" And pulled dream into a back hug.

"Woa-" dream was about to take his sword thinking tommy is trying to hurt him. Insead he squeezed dream's ribs. Which made him squeak. Bingo.

Tommy's eyes light up." AWWW your ticklish" dream was in panic and said "tommy LEAVE ME ,I d-dont have tiME ah!" Dream said but squeaked at the end, cuz Tommy squeezed his ribs again.

"AWWW no mate! You should always have time for your friends. And since I am your "friend" as you said I am gonna prove it" said with a smirk. He wiggled his hands on dreams ribs. And he started giggling.

"NOhoHo hohow thiihhis is hahahahah gonna prohohve it hahahah" dream said blushing and giggling.

"Oh?? We do this to each other every once in a while." Said and suddenly going for dreams armpits. Dream SQUEAKED at the sudden change of spots

"hahahahahahahahha hahahahhahah gethhhhahahahah ouhuhuhahaht" dream said but tommy said "hmmmmm? Nope!!"

And launched his hands into dream's sides and then dream's knees gave up and he fall to the ground but tommy catched him and pinned dream's arms with his one hand and play with the other and he took his mask off (tommy seen his face once so it doesn't matter).

And he was pink

"Oh my!what a beautiful face full of pink~~"

"NohihohnoHOHO" plehahehase dohohon't" dream full on laughed at his sides being tickled. he tried to wiggle out but he could not cuz he was tried.and tommy took this opportunity.

Suddenly he laughed so loud, when tommy went for the hips.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH TOMMMY WAITHAHAHAHAHHAT" dream said

"Wait for what ??I waited long enough!!" Tommy said.

"HHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA PLEHAHAHAHAHAHSE!!" dream pleaded ,PLEADED!! that was the 1st time tommy heard him plead and he wanted to hear more.

"Awwwww bad spot?~~" tommy teased "don't worry I would give it some attention. By running my nails on it". "An-

"OMHAHAHAH MY GAGHAHAHAHAD TOMOHIHIHAHAHAHMY I WILL KIHIHIL YOHOHOHOU!!" Dream tried to threaten but tommy just giggled. And said

"Bold words from you right now!?"tommy said. " when-

Your.

At.

My.

Mercy.

Suddenly dream laughed even more.

'HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WAHAHHAHAHAHAIT NOHOHOHOHOHOT THEREEHAHAHAHARE HAHAHAHAH" dream laughed historically.

That is when tommy realised that he was tickling his lower belly.

Hmmm! This spot is a gold mine I see!?

"NonNOHOHOHOHHOHOHOHOHO" dream said and tommy simply replied "yes" and ticked there for few min.

"Oh wait dream I think I have a better tool for this!!" And took his feathers from his inventory. Dream froze. Oh no.

"By the way thx for letting me keep these stuff or else I wouldn't have got to hear your beautiful laughter"tommy said. Dream is regretted the decition he made.

"NOhoHo tommy plehehehs don't, I cahahahahn't hahahahahahndle thahahaht". Dream pleaded.

Tommy smirked and and came closer to his ear and whispered "should have thought before you fu*king tortured me" and lift up his hoodie and exposing his belly and slowly getting the feathers down to it.

"NoHoHONO hahahahah Tommy PlEEHHEleashahahe I whHIHIHAHAHAHAHLL dohoho anthihihing!!" Dream begged.

"AnYTiNg?" Hmmmmmm!!" Tommy came closer to his ear again and whispered "then "get me out of here~~" dream eyes widen. tammy smirked.

"No I can't do- HAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WAHAHAHAHAHABABHAHAHAHAHIT!"!dream asked.

"What do you mean "wait " I already told you. I waited long enough!" With that he added the other hand to this enjoyment and tickle with his one hand and the other with the feathers. (Even with his hands free dream can't pust of tommy).'how did he get kinda stronge' dream thought.That is when dream screamed in laughter. For a few sec it was just laughter.

"HHAHAHAHAHHA TOMMMY!!NOHOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHO HAHAHAH!!"

Dream said but then tommy blowed a raspberry. Then said.

(Sorry idk why there is a space here)

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA I WILLHIHIHIHIHIH BRIRIRHAHAHANG YOHOHOHOHOHOHOU TUBBOHOHOHO'S NAHAHHAPKIN OR SOMEHEHEHEHEHTING.

Tommy stopped for a bit and asked:

"What?" In shock.

"Yehehehs............ A hhahaha nahhahapkin or someheheethihihing like that" dream said still breathless and giggling and tears in his eyes.

'Wow is he still believing that lie? I mean I can't complain.' Tommy thought.

"Ok deal" said with a smile.

Dream thought it was over but then tommy said:

"BUT I have to do something else too" and with that tommy wiggled one hand in dream's sides.one hand squeezed his hips and brought his head down at his belly and NIBBLED it! All at once. Yeah dream felt like he couldn't die.

"Omg!! NoHOHOBOHO AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! TOHOHOHOOHOMY I AMHABABBHAHAHM SOHOHOHOOHEY"

Dream apologized. He didn't even know why he said it but he did. And tears were running down his cheeks.

It went for a few min. And dream almost fainted. but thankfully tommy stopped. Tommy enjoyed this but he has to stop and got up from dream.

Dream curled into a ball. Still shoulder was shaking in giggles and he fell asleep.

'Omg I can't believe this pussy was the one who was torturing me this whole time' tommy thought but ........ He would be lying if he said dream didn't look adorable like this.

But tommy being tommy took some of dream's loot and put it in the chest with the steaks.

........

and went to his hut cuz it was becoming night time.

Dream woke up and saw he was missing some loot but he didn't want to asks tommy right now, atleast not after what happened he put his mask and went somewhere.

Tommy saw dream is gone but he doesn't care.

As long as this trick can work he is safe but he does not know if it would work again or not........

So he was in fear a litte bit and went to sleep. With no nightmare.

XD saw all this from above and smiled.....

--------------------------------------------------

Sorry took a lot of time to post it cuz I was busy but hey hope you like it.

[donutbf]

ooh new blog, hi donut!! i love ur writing so far. having c!dream brain rot atm... maybe when dream breaks out of prison he visits reader and it’s just nice “i missed you” sex,,, headfull

also, 💌 anon perhaps ?

ahhhh, tysm! glad you enjoy it and its rlly nice than you decided to let me know what you think about my writing! <3

and like actually 80-90% of my simping is solely for c!dream so i gotta say, BIIIIIIG fucken same. the c!dream brain rot is deep and real. he’s godawful and i love him deeply. i watch him fuck things up im like <3 <3 <3 cute voice go brrrrrr

anyways there were a few different directions i could imagine for this scenario... 

like, either him roughly taking out all his pent-up frustrations on you, him being incredibly touchstarved all whiny and submissive - happy with anything you’ll give him, or it being uncharacteristically tender and loving.

you said ‘nice’ so i’m going w/ the third one. sorry if im barking up the wrong tree here!

edit: i wrote that intro before i wrote the piece itself and i meant for it to be tender and loving but its more like tender and angsty im-

oh! and psst- that emoji is so cute. great choice. you can indeed be 💌 anon! <3

(long NSFW elaboration under the cut. i uh. really went buck-fuckin-wild here. oh my god......)

sometimes people wonder whether or not there’s a person behind that smile.

that mask he’s never seen without. represented by a smile. a mockery of any true expression of joy.

he’s done so many awful things. he’s hurt people. badly. it’s what landed him in that godforsaken prison in the first place. everywhere he goes, he leaves behind an indelible scar.

they could call him a god, or a man with the makings of the devil - or a million other names that lie in between - but you know better.

you know him.

there is a living, breathing human behind that mask and you know him well. you know him with your hands and your lips and your tongue. you know his breath and you’d know him without sight.

you’d know him to the ends of the earth.

so when you find him on your doorstep in the middle of the night - hazy in the moonlight - a part of you distantly wonders if you’re still asleep. but the other part just knows. there’s no mistake. he’s here. 

your dream has come back to you, the way he always swore he would.

you’re not an idiot. you love him, but you could never believe blindly in him. you saw what he did. what he’s done. to agree with all of it... that’d make you naïve at best, a wild fanatic at worst.

even before all of… this, you had differing stances. your faith in him was always balanced. 

this is one thing you never doubted from this stubborn, broken fool before you. 

he’d always come back to you.

you reach out a hand towards him. you want to cradle his face, to make sure that he’s actually here in the flesh - because it doesn’t seem quite real yet - and he flinches reflexively. at this, your heart drops into the pit of your stomach. still, he lets you touch him.

ushering him inside, quickly, quickly, to the privacy of the house, you’re thankful for the isolation of your home and the solitude of the night. if anybody saw you right now, housing him… it just doesn’t bear thinking about.

“dream,” you murmur. you have so much you need to talk about, but right now, nothing else has to be said.

your thumb brushes against a new crack in the surface of his ever-smiling mask, almost split in two now.

he’s not smiling.

fingertips trace every bump and divot you know so well, before slowly taking it off and discarding it on the table behind you.

he looks like fucking hell. you’ve certainly known him to get into scrapes and fights, and even yelled at him for his carelessness before,,, but this? this is something else entirely.

it’s the result of weeks upon weeks of senseless beatings - underfed and unhealing - never given the time or space to regen.

you want to touch him all over, to hold him together in your hands like some fragile thing, but you’re so, so afraid that he might’ve already broken.

neither of you have even attempted to breach the silence yet.

you lead him by the hand to the bed. for rest, is what you think, but he stoops down to tuck his face into neck and inhales, deeply, his hands creeping lower down the front of your body. 

he breaks the silence first, deftly trading it for the quiet instead.

“please let me feel you...” his voice is barely a whisper, the sound a cracked, hoarse thing.

to touch another person kindly, after so long spent alone and in pain. to know that you’re still here, and that you haven’t left me. because i love you.

so many reasons and they all go unsaid.

still, you understand him.

clothes are peeled off and bodies are re-explored after so much time spent apart. his bare body’s on display in front of you, all long limbs and pale skin. what was previously smooth and soft now lays dry and cracked - marred with injury - before you.

his eyes won't meet yours. it's something he’s never done before in bed with you. another newly ingrained habit, like the flinch. 

you wonder if he’s ashamed right now; if he feels ugly before you, even. he wouldn’t care how he looks to anybody else, but it’s you. and that matters to him. (and the force of just how MUCH it matters terrifies him.)

malnourished and beaten half to death, you still couldn’t find him anything other than beautiful.

cupping his cheeks, you gently tilt his face up to yours, meeting his lips in a slow kiss. every movement of your lips against his is lazy but deliberate.

you touch him as gently as you can, trying to avoid brushing against the myriad of bruises peppering his skin, and cuts both old and new.

even with your efforts, at times you catch him slightly pained - when a touch makes him twitch and wince, sucking in a shallow breath behind gritted teeth.

though he tries his best to hide this - the same way he does in battle, to gain the upper hand - even he knows that he can't hide anything from you.

he preps you but you don't take as long as you maybe should. your movements may be slow and cautious, but you’re both desperate for each other, completely ravenous to feel each other. 

you sink down onto him and bite your lip at the feeling of him stuffing you full, stretching you open. god, its been so long.

and apparently, being inside you is what finally breaks the dam. he starts to cry, loudly. 

burning hot tears roll down his cheeks and his face goes ruddy with emotion as he starts to talk. his hips never stop pounding up into you.

the pace he sets is erratic, his thrusts stuttering much more than you’ve ever had with him before - the man you’ve always known to be so deliberate and ever in control - but it's all excusable. everything is so different now. what even is the new usual?

“god, i missed you so much. i sat in that cell and- and all i could think about was you. i felt like i was going insane, maybe i have- i thought you’d move on, that you’d leave me. fuck. fuck! i’m so fucked, i’m a mess, i’m bad, i don’t deserve you, i- i...” 

and he keeps going. he sounds like raw, jagged edges torn in two, his breaths hitching and his voice cracking open on almost every syllable. 

eventually the open sobs devolve into silent tears and the mindless, shaky repetition of your name. 

he holds your name in his mouth like its a precious thing, a word he doesn't deserve to say but chooses to say anyway.

he says it twenty times, thirty times, until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. your name is on his lips when he cums.

physically sated and emotionally drained, you both sink into the bed together. all you can do is hold each other tight and try not to think about the magnitude of what you’ve done, and what tomorrow could possibly bring.

whatever happens - heaven or hell - at least you’ve had tonight. 

that will have to be enough.