All of my love to fics where something vaguely inconvenient or even pleasant happens and Izzy just goes
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i hate when people call marcille a girlfailure btw like SHE ISNT. and shes not a ”girlboss” either. this is a neurotic and Permanently On The Edge of a Breakdown overachiever late 20s virgin just out of her phd program with permanently shaky hands from an addiction to overly sugary coffee and a deep desire to be crushed to death under falins giant jugs no matter the cost. the only thing shes ever ”failed” at is going to theraphy
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I'm always entertained by people doing those "canon VS fanon" memes where both are misunderstanding characters to such a violent degree 'cause like
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Thinking about Edward Elric as the Amestrian Military's specialest little unfireable boy
State alchemists can be fired for underperforming. We know this up front from the likes of Shou Tucker. And this makes a ton of sense from the homunculi's standpoint since the state alchemists are sacrifice candidates, and the homunculi would want to cull the weakest candidates and focus only on cultivating the strongest ones who stand the best chance of opening the portal.
........Then there's Edward. Who's already opened the portal.
There's no need to cultivate him. No gamble taken on whether he's good enough to open the portal. He passed the final test already. Graduated 4 semesters early.
And as such, has a free pass to do Absolute Fuck All.
And I'm imagining how funny this is from like an outside perspective.
Some newish state alchemist who'd only ever read up on the stories of Edward Elric, ready and excited to start their career of being paid handsomely with endless freedom to research and travel and do anything they want in the pursuit of science... surprised and confused to find themselves put on probation their first month for things like "ignoring orders." Which is, as best they had thought, a famous Edward Elric pastime.
Roy showing a slight bit of stress about his yearly state alchemist report, and Ed just snorting and rolling his eyes at Roy because every year HE just hastily does his on the train ride over (canon in the manga, a travesty it was left out of the anime) and it gets rubber stamped. Ed not realizing that other alchemists' reports get genuinely scrutinized and torn apart while Ed is free to turn in whatever absolute bullshit he thinks of 36 hours ahead of time. One year his report was about whether alchemy could be done via dance (conclusion: no it can't) and no one cared. Roy WANTS to tell Ed there's some kind of unknown favoritism around Ed making him literally bullet-proof but Roy has no way to phrase this that doesn't sound like he's just in denial and mad at how good Ed's train-reports are.
Guy from the Internal Amestrian Affairs sector who's responsible for auditing other internal military personel for any suspicious activity hitting about 1 million red flags for Edward Elric, issuing a STRONG and URGENT recommendation to suspend the alchemist pending further investigation into things like "literal bunk-buddies with two members of the Xingese royalty (enemy nation)" and "spent $10,000,000 of his stipend on a librarian to make her re-copy (what he seemed to interpret as?) military records in some extremely transparent effort to unearth state secrets (it was a recipe book but he was literally asking her about state secrets)" and "literally has never once obeyed an order, ever, not even once in his career, and is on public record having said 'I do not care about the goals and protections of the Amestrian Military. I am in fact only pursuing my own interests several of which are diametrically opposed to the safety and well-being of the governing body of Amestris'"
The issued recommendation is intercepted before it even reaches its intended desk. President Bradley himself has taken issue with it and denies it before a single set of eyes has seen it. The President's veto stamp is a terrifying hammer, used rarely, and it is now sitting on the auditor's desk.
The auditor sleeps with one eye open from then on out.
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Thinking about Laura scolding her dads for smoking. They're both on the couch, Logan with his cigar, Wade with a fucking menthol.
Laura: You're gonna get cancer!
Wade: I already have cancer
Logan: I can't get cancer
Wade: *glares* Lucky bastard
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Hal, interrupting Barry mid-sentence: Hold up. You were in Gotham? Batman’s Gotham? ‘No-Meta-in-Gotham’ Gotham?
Barry: Yeah? Bats needed my forensic expertise. It was so cool. We traced-
Hal: Not fair. I want to go to Gotham
Barry: Ask Batman
—
Green Lantern, thinking about how he’s going to kill The Flash: You want me to go in there *gestures to open manhole* In the sewer. To fight an alligator.
Batman: Killer Croc is a man
Green Lantern: That looks like a crocodile and eats people.
Batman: Yes.
Green Lantern: What about him? Make him do it *gestures to Red Robin*
Red Robin: Can’t
Batman: He can’t.
Green Lantern: Why not?
Red Robin: Don’t have a spleen
Batman: He doesn’t have a spleen.
Green Lantern:
Red Robin, over coms: Did you guys hear that? Green Lantern just told me he wants me to fucking die
Coms: *explodes as everybody speaks at once*
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