#as someone who comes from an asian family with generational trauma...

[threestripeslider]

Tired: Rise!Splinter is a neglectful and awful father who doesn’t care about his kids >:(

Wired: Rise!Splinter’s negligence comes from a place of deep trauma that he’s carried with him his whole life – losing his mother, having been betrayed by the love of is life, being imprisoned and forced to fight for his life, used as an experiment and subsequently being mutated and losing his whole identity as a person – and while it certainly doesn’t excuse his behavior, there is no doubt that this man loves his sons fiercely despite his own shortcomings and perhaps it is exactly that love and care that causes him to keep his children at arms length in hopes to spare them his family’s cursed legacy that grooms them into martyrs and are thus destined to die young, a sacrifice for the greater good that Splinter is never willing to make even if it means forfeiting the world to the Shredder. Splinter’s journey of fatherhood began by being completely unprepared as a fresh young single father of four young children that depend on him to survive and there is no surprise he’s hit almost every bump there possibly is when raising a child but never in his life has Splinter ever blamed or resented his children in any way – he is not perfect and he’s aware and he tries to do better all because he loves his kids this fucking much bc despite all the shit he’s been through, those kids made him realize that he can try again. to dismiss him as an awful father is a gross mischaracterization of a deeply traumatized man of color who evidently tried his fucking hardest not to pass on the hurt onto his own children while grappling with his own demons and the crushing destiny of his family’s blood line that took away his mother.

[g0j0s]

[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 10 Years Ticket

Hello friends, it is time again for me to go deep on another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. When I first suggested the idea of this challenge and asked a few folks what shows we might consider for it, @wen-kexing-apologist and @waitmyturtles both immediately shouted “10 Years Ticket!” I hadn’t seen it yet, but I trusted their judgment that it belonged on the list, and moved it near the top of my watch priorities. And phew lord, does it belong on this list. The drama explores intergenerational trauma extensively via a story of multiple families living in a small town community. 

So what is the deal with this drama? 10 Years Ticket is a Thai lakorn about four children and their families, all of whom are dear friends and neighbors, who are torn apart by the murder of one of their family members, by another of their family members. The two families whose blood ties were involved in the crime become bitter enemies, dragging the whole community into the fight, and crucially for this project, the adults push that trauma down onto their young children. As wka says, this show is about the harm that is done when a community breaks down rather than coming together in the wake of tragedy. 

Before I start digging into the trauma themes in this one, a note on my overall experience with the drama: I was extremely engaged even as my emotions about different aspects of the drama were mixed. The cast is fantastic and the drama is gorgeous, but the writing has some significant weak spots (some of which I suspect may be based in lakorn genre conventions, which I am admittedly not yet well-versed enough to parse). I wouldn't unreservedly recommend this to everyone, but depending on which aspects of the story you are most interested in, there’s a lot to get out of it. If you love a great mystery with excellent judgment about what information to withhold and when and where to place its reveals? Fairly strong with some minor missteps. If you are here for romance? Nah–there are romance subplots but they’re not particularly well-executed and they are pretty extraneous to the main narrative. If you want a gritty crime story with realistic villains and a satisfying conclusion? You will be laughing your ass off and not because the show wants you to. But if you’re here for the family stories and deep examination of a community in crisis? 10/10, absolutely recommend. (cc @chickenstrangers and @neuroticbookworm for my overall review—stop reading after this friends, spoilers ahead!) @dribs-and-drabbles also tagging you as a fellow 10YT enjoyer and one of the like five people on this website who may have an interest in reading a ridiculously long essay about it. :)

So, let’s get into it! 10YT is an ensemble show with many characters with endless complex connections, so I am going to do this breakdown family by family for your sanity and mine. Right off the top, some themes you’ll see running throughout that are particularly relevant to an Asian context: taboo, saving face, filial piety, devotion to the nuclear family unit, conditional parental love, community ostracization, and denial of queer identity. And some content warnings for discussion of: child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, Alzheimer’s disease, substance abuse, and drug trafficking. From this point forward, I am assuming anyone still reading has seen the show, because lord would all of this be impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t. Shoutout to turtles and wka for reviewing to make sure I didn’t miss anything major and helping me with the screenshots for this post, and a general heads up that this is long long.

Our Star-Crossed Lovers

Before digging into the family relationships, a word about our star-crossed lovers at the center of this tragedy, because it’s important to understand it as we get into the families. The drama really did take its sweet time with this reveal, but in the end we understood why this relationship was such a big damn dramatic secret—Luk is about five years older than Mai and already a teacher, and Mai is still a student. Their relationship is rooted in taboo, which is why they are sneaking around and likely why Luk carries so much guilt and shame that she makes the incredibly stupid and selfish decision to punish herself and tear apart their families by lying that she murdered Mai. There are other reasons given—namely, that she wanted to save face for Mai and his loved ones and prevent people from finding out he was a drug runner—but they don’t really hold up to any scrutiny. Luk told this lie to punish herself and didn’t really ever give a thought to how in doing so, she was punishing and harming everyone else, too, not to mention utterly failing to save face for her own family, whose lives are destroyed by her lie (apologies for not mincing words here, I have zero respect for Luk’s decision and one of my biggest criticisms of the drama is that it tries to paint this as a noble sacrifice and act of love and position her as some kind of voice of wisdom, which, *blows raspberry*).

The Siraphuchaya Family

So let’s begin with the family at the center of our plot and the heart of our story. Their relationships with each other are quite varied and the lines of generational trauma between them complex, so I’m breaking them down into subsections. The key people in this family unit are Santi, the patriarch; Sai, Phukao’s mother and Santi’s current wife; Mai, Santi’s first son; Phukao, Santi and Sai’s son; and the woman haunting them all, Mai’s mother Ranya. 

Mai and Phukao

The most wholesome relationship in this show by a mile, Mai and Phukao are half brothers who share a deep bond. They have different mothers and about a ten year age gap between them, which results in Mai taking on a role akin to a third parent and protector for Phukao in their abusive household. In turn, Phukao idolizes his brother and loves him unreservedly, and expresses sorrow and confusion about why their parents don’t seem to love Mai the same way they love him. Mai grows up in a household where his presence is clearly unwanted and resented, and Phukao grows up keenly aware that despite all the good he sees in Mai, others, including his parents, don’t feel the same way. And despite Phukao’s own experience of unconditional parental love, he bears witness to the conditional love his parents express for Mai and the violence that occurs whenever those conditions are not met.

Mai and Santi

Which brings me to Santi. From the beginning, we see that Santi treats his sons very differently. He is protective and loving toward Phukao, but antagonistic and quick to anger with Mai. We eventually come to understand that Santi is holding a burning resentment and hatred for Mai’s mother, Ranya, which manifests in his verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of their son. Santi is also a serious alcoholic and his substance abuse exacerbates the issue. 

Even from the first episode before Mai’s parentage was made clear, the signs were there that Mai’s family resents his presence. Mai sleeps on a mattress on the floor in a tiny room off the main floor hallway while his baby brother has a big bedroom with a giant bed on the second floor of the house. His parents never seemed happy to see him; he is nearly always greeted with suspicion, distrust, or at best, indifference. They hold him up to Phukao as an example of how he can be treated if he doesn’t behave—in one early scene, Santi explicitly tells Phukao that if he misbehaves he will have to start treating him like Mai. In gatherings with the neighbors, they talk proudly about Phukao but ignore Mai’s presence. And Santi nearly always finds a reason to discipline Mai with physical violence upon his return home, which makes it easy to understand why Mai was spending as much time away as possible and looking for ways out. 

We see Santi abusing Mai throughout the drama, often while Phukao and his mother Sai look on—Phukao in anguish, Sai in indifference (more about her soon). But the scene that best captures their dynamic and gets to the heart of the trauma that lays between them is in episode 7. Mai comes home from surreptitiously spending time with his mother, Santi sniffs out his secret, and the worst episode of abuse depicted in the show unfolds as Santi strings Mai up by a rope on a rafter in the garage and proceeds to beat him with a leather belt in full view of Sai, Phukao, and any onlooker that just happens to be passing by. Throughout the beating, Santi berates Mai for seeing his mother, insisting that she is evil and Mai needs to stay away from her. Watching it unfold, one gets the feeling that Santi is trying to literally beat any trace of Mai’s mother out of him.

What’s most interesting about this scene is the implication that Santi is deeply concerned for Mai’s welfare and genuinely trying to protect him from something, even as he himself is Mai’s greatest source of pain. Somewhere along the way, Santi’s emotions have become hopelessly tangled and warped to the point where this abuse “for Mai’s own good” is the only expression of love he can manage toward his eldest son. It’s horrific, it’s tragic, and it really makes you wonder what the hell happened between Santi and Mai’s mother to poison this father-son relationship so deeply.

The Ranya of it All

Ranya. What a character. What a piece of work. And yet somehow, what a deeply sympathetic portrayal of a woman forced into a life she didn’t want and rebelling against it to the point of cruelty. I did not like this woman, and yet I was unexpectedly moved by her story.

So what the hell happened between Ranya and Santi? They fell in love. They got married. And then Santi pressured her to have a child she didn’t want, because he was fixated on the idea of having a traditional nuclear family (for reasons the show never fully elucidated, but I extrapolate are related to some generational trauma he himself is carrying and a desire to be head of a new family to make up for whatever his childhood lacked). She went along with it despite knowing she did not want to be a mother because she was in love. And sure enough, once she had made it through the pregnancy and began her life as a mother, she was miserable. So she rejected motherhood and abandoned her family when Mai was only an infant, one of the greatest sins a woman can commit in any culture, and certainly in the Asian context where family values and collectivist mindset demands sacrifice for the good of the family unit over personal satisfaction. 

And Santi hated her for it. Hated her because he loved her and she left him. Hated her because she didn’t give him the dream vision he had of a beautiful family. Hated her because he still wanted her. And ultimately, transmitted his impotent rage and twisted love from her onto their son. She, in turn, hated Santi for not being happy with just the two of them, and for destroying their relationship by forcing her into motherhood. And while she doesn’t hate Mai, she certainly doesn’t love him or care for his well-being. 

When Ranya sails back into town many years after abandoning him, she is bitter and hardened and she sees Mai as a means to an end and an easy target. She appears to have similar substance abuse issues to Santi, and she is in deep debt. She needs money, Mai is desperate for parental love and affection, and she sees an opportunity to take advantage. And so she pushes Mai into working with one of the local drug running operations, tells him pretty lies about using the money he is making to buy them a house to live in together, manipulates him into further provoking Santi in her honor, and then skips town with all his money just as the shit hits the fan. It’s one of the last things Mai experiences before his death, a confirmation that neither his father nor his mother really loves him or wants to care for him, exponentially compounding his emotional devastation and leaving him utterly certain that no one will help him. After he is murdered in cold blood by the very people she pushed him to work for, she uses the opportunity to extort money from Luk’s family for years, only coming around when she needs cash. 

Phukao, Santi, and Sai

In the aftermath of Mai’s death, Phukao’s family as he knows it falls apart. He has lost his beloved brother under shocking circumstances, he has been torn apart from one of his best friends as his family bitterly feuds with hers, his father has descended even further into addiction and depression, his parents fight violently until they eventually split up and his father leaves the family home, and through it all he does not feel the unconditional support he expects from his friends and neighbors. Oh sure, they support him, but they also support Kongkwan and her family, a fact which eventually comes to enrage and embitter him. 

Because that’s not how this is supposed to work. If you’ve watched other Asian dramas, you are probably very familiar with the “bad seed” and community ostracization tropes, aka the belief that any blood relative of a person who has committed a heinous crime should be shunned and shamed by the collective community. According to that cultural norm, Luk’s family should be abandoned and ostracized by the community following her murder confession, and while that does happen to some extent, their circle of close friends and neighbors remain sympathetic to them, in particular caring for and protecting Kongkwan, everyone’s favorite fragile sweetheart. 

As Phukao grows and becomes more and more mired in despair and desperation and (justifiable) anger at the injustice of it all, the community begins to view him as difficult, backing away from him, dismissing his feelings, and demanding that he stop making them think about it. Some of his closest friends and loved ones essentially withdraw their explicit emotional support and care for him, and in some cases condemn him and respond to his emotional outbursts with violence. And remember, for the entirety of this story, Phukao is a child. Yet the adults around him seem afraid of his emotion and utterly incapable of extending to him the same level of empathy they easily give Kongkwan and even Luk, our supposed murderess. Feels kinda gendered, doesn’t it? I can’t help but think that Phukao is being punished largely for failing to maintain the stoic model of masculinity that is so often modeled in Asian cultures. 

And what are Santi and Sai doing while their son is emotionally falling apart? They are wrapped up in their own nonsense and sparing very little attention to his actual needs even as they try to control him and loudly proclaim their love for him. Santi is wallowing in his depression and isolation and drinking himself half to death, with noose imagery hovering around him so that we can’t miss how low he is driving himself. Though interestingly, he never turns to violence against Phukao to vent his feelings in the manner he did with Mai. Phukao is clearly a manifestation of the son and family Santi always dreamed of; he loves him in a much more pure way than he ever managed with Mai. And so while he can’t get his shit together to be a good dad to him, he is also not an abusive and terrifying figure to Phukao, to the point where Phukao becomes fixated on getting him to come home. Because for Phukao, despite every monstrous aspect of Santi he’s borne witness to, the only thing that will give him any comfort and feeling of security is having what remains of his family together and intact, as they are supposed to be.

While Phukao desperately tries to get his dad to come home, Sai is caught up in navel gazing over her regrets, as we come to learn that she had a great love before Santi. But Pin was a woman and Sai did not feel free to pursue their relationship, and so when she got pregnant she agreed to marry Santi and raise Mai, as well. But as we saw, she didn’t keep that commitment. Sai came into the marriage regretful and wistful over her lost love and her inability to pursue a life more aligned with her authentic queer self, and that manifested in both indifference to Mai and her husband’s violence toward him, and an unhealthy attachment to and pressure on Phukao to be “worth it.” Worth giving up the life she wanted, worth living with this man she clearly didn’t love, and worth never being with Pin. 

Mai eventually turned her own anger and self-loathing about her choices on Luk and Mai, trying to tear them apart when she learned of their relationship because if she didn’t get to keep her “taboo” love, why should they? When Phukao begins to figure some shit out, lets go of his anger, and starts developing feelings for Kongkwan, Sai freaks the fuck out and tries to repeat the pattern, which feels rooted in her need to keep Phukao under her control and devoted to her to give her life meaning. She finds his interest in Kongkwan threatening and attempts to stamp it out. Unlike Luk, though, Phukao is not having it. 

Kongkwan, Luk, Veena, and Somkiat

Over to the family on the other side of the tear in the fabric of this community. Luk, our star-crossed lover and faux murderer, is the eldest daughter of a seemingly pleasant family with no big stressors or clear markers of their own generational trauma. Veena and Kiat appear to have a decent marriage, stable financial status, and good relationships with their daughters, Kongkwan is thriving while Luk has finished college and become a teacher, and before Luk confesses to killing Mai, all seems well. There is a large age gap between Luk and Kongkwan that the show never explains—I expected to learn something deeper about their family, but we never really got there. As far as we know, they were a solid and functional family unit.

The intergenerational trauma for this family is instead depicted in the aftermath of Mai’s murder and Luk’s false confession. As I mentioned above, Luk’s choice to cover for Mai destroyed her family’s lives. They lost jobs, financial security, several homes, and many relationships, not least of which is the deep bond they once had with the Sirapuchaya family. And when a devastated Santi refuses to forgive Luk and hurls vitriol at her parents (justifiably IMO, what on earth were Kiat and Veena thinking showing up to Mai’s funeral to demand forgiveness for their daughter who had explained nothing), Kiat and Veena become angry and bitter and decide to hate him, and his child, right back.

This is of course a toxic dynamic, and Kongkwan and Phukao are the ones who suffer most for it. On the heels of losing her older sister, Kongkwan is also forced to give up her friendship with Phukao and told to hate him. Her parents start with small things like not inviting him to her birthday party (leaving poor baby Phukao out in the cold and all alone while his family falls apart) and eventually escalate to getting violent with him (both striking him in anger) and explicitly telling Kongkwan that Phukao is a bad person that she must avoid (ironically, giving him the “bad seed” treatment that Kongkwan should be receiving under cultural norms). Over time, Veena and Somkiat develop a seething hatred for Phukao that is actually quite visceral and difficult to comprehend; they seem to find him a symbol for all the unfairness they have endured and the easiest target for their rage and cannot get ahold of themselves enough to temper their reactions to him. 

Kongkwan, a gentle soul, is torn between being a filial and obedient child and going along with an attitude and treatment toward Phukao that she knows is wrong, and it is plainly tearing her apart. Throughout the story, she is emotionally overwhelmed, swinging between deep sadness and bursts of defiant anger, and she often looks like she is one more provocation away from shattering. And as the community tears itself apart around her, Kongkwan is also mired in anguish and confusion about her sister’s choices. As Kongkwan mentions at one point late in our story, no one, including her parents, has ever bothered to question whether Luk actually committed this murder, but she has never believed the lie. She knows her sister well enough, or perhaps is just too gentle a person, to imagine that Luk could have actually done that to Mai. 

And it’s important not to lose in all of this that Kongkwan loved Mai, too. His death was a loss for her as well as for Phukao, and no one really tended to her grief in the aftermath, which clearly runs deep based on the way she clings to objects that remind her of him (the film strip necklace, the Brother Uncle doll). She is just as broken by all of this as Phukao, they just express it very differently.

And before our story ends, Kongkwan will endure yet another devastating loss, when Veena is killed by the drug runners for witnessing their crimes and collaboration with dirty cops. This is compounded by the fact that Veena and Kongkwan’s relationship is in tatters when Veena is killed. Veena has just struck her in anger after Kongkwan demanded an explanation for why her parents were ripping her away from her friends and fought back when they once again tried to force her to carry their hatred for Phukao (her first real stand against her parents after being a dutiful and filial daughter through all their years of bullshit). Kongkwan takes off for the night with her friends to say goodbye before she is forced to leave, and in that short delay her mother is killed—another trauma that Kongkwan will have to bear forever. 

This family is an utter tragedy, to go from stable and loving to this, and all because of their own bad choices. Veena and Somkiat both utterly collapsed under the weight of Luk’s choices and their fallout, compounding them exponentially with their own inability to regulate themselves, and pushed all their trauma down onto Kongkwan, who must now do the hard work of living on amidst the destruction her family has wrought. 

Plu, Pum, and Yo

Phew, let’s take a break and look at this smiling family, shall we? I can’t believe I have already written this many words with nary a mention of my beloved best boy Plu, but that should tell you how much is going on in this show! While Plu gets caught up in the traumatic events that are deeply affecting his best friends and has some of his own family problems to deal with, he is not suffering from intergenerational trauma to the same degree as Phukao and Kongkwan. Plu lost his parents at a very young age (we do not find out the specifics of how), but is raised with attention and care by his wonderful grandparents who clearly love him dearly. He spends his childhood with close neighbors and friends and shares a deep bond with and protective instincts for his slightly younger friends Phukao, Kongkwan, and Lookzo.

So how is all this community trauma affecting Plu? He is a classic people pleaser and caretaker who just wants everyone to be okay. He also wants to support all parties in this situation without taking sides or hurting anyone’s feelings, which is of course impossible, but I do love him for trying. He took it upon himself to care for Phukao and be the big brother he needed in the aftermath of Mai’s death, but he always maintained his friendship with Kongkwan, as well, a fact that Phukao finds hard to accept. Plu is torn between his love for Phukao and Kongkwan, which becomes extra complicated when they get older and he develops (ill-advised and doomed) romantic feelings for Kongkwan that cloud his judgment and create a rift with Phukao. He is yet another person who hits Phukao without real justification, but unlike the adults he at least has the grace to feel ashamed (can you tell I am in my feelings about this??).

As all of this is unfolding, he is also dealing with his own family struggles, as Pom develops Alzheimer’s disease and her medical needs take a financial toll on the family, leading Plu to become involved with the same drug running crew that killed Mai, because apparently a legal job wouldn’t cut it to pay for Grandma’s prescriptions. (I should also mention here that via Plu’s involvement with the drug running crews we get a glimpse into some intergenerational trauma being passed down in those families, as the heads of each organization force a very hard life onto their children, but we’re not going to get into that because I have to stop somewhere or I’ll be writing this post from my grave). 

In any event, Yo can clearly see that his grandson is lying and doing something dangerous to bring home money, but he doesn’t stop him, presumably because they desperately need it. And Pom’s deteriorating memory and mental health take a real toll on both Plu and Yo, who just have sorrow wafting off them in waves in every scene where she doesn’t recognize them. This is a family in struggle together, not causing struggle for each other, unlike Phukao and Kongkwan’s situations.  

Lookzo and Oh

This section is going to be short because Zo and Oh have never done anything wrong in their lives and I know this. They are a perfect little father/daughter duo with an easy relationship, despite some sadness they must have endured around whatever happened to Zo’s mother (the show never gives us this information). Oh is a single father doing his best and he supports Zo through all her milestones and moods, creating a safe home where she can be herself and express her feelings to him without fear. He is also a sweetheart to her friends and welcoming to both Kongkwan and Phukao while maintaining his own friendships and acting as a mediator between their parents. 

Zo’s main worries throughout the drama are twofold: she has a crush on an utterly clueless Plu (despite his silly little hats), and she is similarly torn between her love for Kongkwan and Phukao and resentful of all the adults around them trying to destroy their bonds with each other. She is honest and forthright and though she sometimes runs off at the mouth in ill-advised ways, she always owns it and if she was wrong she will immediately admit it and apologize. In one of my favorite scenes of the entire drama, she lights into Kiat and Santi for tearing the community apart and destroying her friends, and then collapses on Oh to sob about how exhausted she is by all this bullshit and how she just wants to live her life with her friends in peace. She is all of us, easily the most relatable character in this show, and I love her. 

The Core Four

So after that exhaustive summation of all the trauma they are enduring throughout our story, I turn to the final question on all of our minds: are these babies going to be okay? I think the answer is a bit of a mixed bag with a tilt toward hope. 

Throughout the drama, I kept wanting these kids to just get in the car, drive far away from their parents, and never come back. But this is an Asian drama and filial piety reigns supreme, so of course they were never going to abandon their parents. And if they can’t be free, at least Phukao and Kongkwan found some measure of peace in the end. Kongkwan still has her father and a newly released Luk to cling to in the aftermath of Veena’s murder and they seem committed to being better to each other and finally letting go of all the bitterness now that Luk has come clean about what really happened (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Kiat explicitly says he is grateful for Veena’s death because it gives him the opportunity to be a better dad, a fridging for the ages!). Phukao has made his peace with his parents’ split and given Sai his blessing to pursue her best lesbian life, and Santi has done a (wildly unrealistic IMO) heel turn upon learning Luk did not kill Mai, let go of all of his anger, and pledged to do better as Phukao’s father. These families will never be free of the decade of trauma they all endured and the scars it left on them, but they can at least finally move forward from it. 

And of course, our core four kiddos stuck together and refused to let the adults succeed in destroying their relationships, though it was certainly a near thing. Even if things get better from here on out, they must live with the pain of all that they endured, and Phukao and Kongkwan in particular have suffered losses they will likely never fully recover from. It isn’t lost on me either that these traumatic events all occurred in the most formative years of their lives, when your experiences shape who you will become. They will carry these traumas through their lives and likely pass them down to the next generation, even if they manage to mitigate the damage better than their own parents did. If nothing else, we can say that at least if their bonds with each other are tattered, torn, and bruised, they are still intact. In the end, despite incredible pressure, ample doubt, and deep turmoil, they chose each other, and they will continue to care for each other through whatever life throws at them next. 

[specialmouse]

I absolutely agree on white LGBT people not appropriating black activism for their own causes. I think another cause for that line of reasoning is that, simply put, white LGBT people essentially choose to be oppressed. White gay men have the option to remain closeted and retain that privilege, white trans women also have that option. They only become oppressed when they make that choice to come out, and to transition. So it's unreasonable to compare it to the oppression black people face, as that oppression is based off of a factor that the black person has absolutely no agency in- i.e. their ethnicity.

YES 100%! it's a very hard thing to stomach for us i think, because many of us (especially those that were raised religious) are told that it's a choice. it's not a choice to be gay, but it's a choice to be gay in public. it's not easy to remain closeted and it does end up driving a lot of people to suicide, it's not to say "oh you have it easy, just don't be __!" as bigots do. i'm not saying that at all. i'm a closeted trans man and it hurts a lot to be perceived as a woman. i also have the choice whether or not i want to say that i'm asian; it doesn't feel good to do that, but i can do it. what's being said here is that black people generally don't have that option at all unless they can pass as white; they are visibly black in every area of life, in public and private. we also have to factor in generational trauma. lgbt people do not have genetic and pervasive cultural generational trauma from being lgbt. black people (i'm going to stick to saying black people because its their collective struggle and history that white americans try to align ourselves with) do, almost as a rule. when you are a black person, and you're having a child, you know before that child is born that it's going to face an immense amount of bigotry, that the mother of that child is going to face an immense amount of bigotry just trying to deliver it and has an increased risk of dying from negligence steeped in medical racism, all because of the color of her skin. you didn't face transphobia as a baby. you were not, more than likely, a gay toddler. your bio parents were, statistically, not lgbt or queer. you are, more than likely, not related to those that were affected by the aids crisis, or someone who was beaten for being trans (not saying you can't be, i know people who are. i'm just saying more than likely, and one doesn't necessitate the other). that doesn't mean those events aren't traumatic to you, knowing that people like you were brutalized and abandoned like that. but look at it this way: every black person in america whose family has been here for more 60 years is related to someone who went through legal segregation, police brutality, medical racism, interpersonal racism, hiring+housing discrimination, environmental racism, etc. etc. forever... and that person is related to someone who went through jim crow, who is related to someone who lived in constant fear of being lynched and seeing it happen constantly, of someone who couldn't vote, couldn't own land... slavery wasn't even 200 years ago. it wasn't even two. hundred. years. ago. i don't think white people understand how fucking recent that is. like you might think i'm going off on a tangent rn about how pervasive antiblackness is in this country but i'm trying to hammer home that, if you are a white lgbt, it just does not COMPARE. yes, there are black people out there who are living more comfortable lives than you, and maybe you are very poor and have gone through a lot because you are gay/trans... but systemically, institutionally, historically, your suffering is not only more of a recent phenomena, but also far more contingent on your socioeconomic status than your sexuality. this is not to sayyyy that you aren't suffering, that trans and gay people aren't suffering because they're trans and gay, but if you try for a second to say that it's anywhere close to the collective suffering of black people... you're fooling yourself

[thefreeblog]

Came across your post about how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who has survived sexual assault. For me, I personally think they should have gone the more realistic route and shown Sky getting the help/therapy he needs. Kind of disappointed a little in that sense. It more or less came of as Prapai being the knight in the shining armour, which was the point of the show I get it, but still.

Sorry for the late reply anon.

Realistic route? in LITA? Well then Sky's dad shouldn't have left a 15yrs old boy to navigate through a new city and school on his own. Let's start there.

Sky should have reported his ex and his friends for raping him.

And he should have reported Prapai to the police for stalking him from multiple phones and turning up at his door step unannounced.

That's what realistic would look like.

Look I see what you are saying I get it, but its not that kind of a story, they were telling. For me, I never expect anything from a story when I watch something because then what is the point of it, if the stories are all how we want them to be?

Coming to the therapy part, would it have been great if they had showed Sky getting proper help? Yes. Did I mind it? No.

The reason because it was addressed, we saw Sky being able to handle the trauma of his ex on his own before Prapai came into his life. That's when everything came back to the surface, he was scared of getting into a new relationship even though he was falling for Prapai because how it all started.

So yes it was exactly Prapai being the knight in the shining armour kind of story because Prapai was the reason Sky was pushed back into his past again. Prapai was the reason Gun could corner him again alone. So yeah, as per the drama standards Prapai was the one who came last minute guns blazing to save Sky.

The other point to note here is even though a person does get therapy for the trauma they faced specially in sexual assault cases, it absolutely does help if you have a understanding partner on top of that. It's not interchangeable, you shouldn't have to chose between a therapist or a good partner?

If you get a partner who heals you what's wrong in that?

See my point of view is heavily biased because I come from a tight familial asian society. We believe in strong family support system. So I didn't find it odd that Sky looked for support to his boyfriend. Does it makes sense to you? I don't know, but it does make sense to me.

I do understand the importance of professional help specially if it's something which affects your day to day life, but I think it should not be generalized in all cases.

And if we are talking realistic, every other BL character needs therapy in my opinion. It would be long ass queue outside the therapist clinic in Thailand. 😅

Sorry this got long and may be not what you are looking for 🤷

[dropintomanga]

Relationships Over Events in Manga and Life

I just finished reading the 2nd volume of Paru Itagaki’s Beast Complex (a collection of short stories about the Beastars universe) and Itagaki wrote a thought-provoking (or not, in her own words) afterword at the end of the volume about the stories she wants to tell. 

Itagaki said that she often wonders about whether she prefers to talk about relationships or events in her short stories. She says that she thought she liked talking about events at first, but admits that by talking about relationships, there’s added depth. Itagaki then reminisces about her living experiences near certain types of buildings filled with people (a dormitory in a large university, a cult headquarters, and a small theater were her examples). She said that she often wonders about what goes on inside the walls of those buildings and all the drama behind it.

In the end, Itagaki said she likes relationships as much as events when it comes to creating stories. She wants to put a nice balance of the two whenever possible.

Reading Itagaki’s words about relationships vs events made me think about how Beastars turned out. The 1st half of the series was phenomenal in my book. You had a major event transpire at the start of the story and while it’s a plot point, the relationships were on the forefront. We get to see characters like Legoshi, Haru and Louis grow due to their interactions with one another. When the major event finally gets attention near the end of the 1st half, we get to see those relationships enhance that event to deliver a creative payoff that satisfied many fans of the series. When it came to the 2nd half, it was a mixed bag. While there was still a focus on relationships and how they affected events in the series, things didn’t feel the same. There was one major character who was supposed to be the total opposite of Legoshi, but their development near the end of the series felt somewhat off. Beastars is still a great series though. I sometimes think that Itagaki was trying to figure things out with in the grand scheme of things past the 1st half and the focus became a bit too event-focused.

I guess it’s why I love Beast Complex so far. I really enjoyed the 1st volume a couple of years ago for its take on relationships in a very hierarchal system. The 2nd volume is more of the same. Like Itagaki, I share her sentiment whenever I'm around certain buildings of interest. I’m always curious about the people who reside/work in those areas and their history. I recently read a historical memoir about a Chinese family who spent many generations living in a specific building in Chinatown, NYC and how their relationships with one another helped them get through historical events that affected Asian-Americans.

The thing about events is they are often unpredictable or bound to happen at some point. That makes them stand out more than anything. When you talk about topics like mental health and trauma, people who suffer from trauma will say that certain events affected them for the worst. At the same time, what leads to events happening is an intersection of relationships working to create them. I can use anime conventions as an example. Yeah, they’re fun and full of exciting things to talk about. But anime conventions don’t happen without a group of passionate and smart fans coming together for a common cause. They don’t happen without relationships between that group and other interested parties who share similar goals/interests/wants. 

I feel that no one talks about how much relationships matter when it comes to why certain events happen. It’s not as simple as “Oh, this happened because I made it happen! I put it all the work!” Relationships are worth talking about more than events at times. They truly make or break people’s lives. There’s a reason why a lot of opportunities in life come down to who you know and not just what you know.

When someone goes through a rough event in their life, they can’t just gut it out alone. They have to rely on key relationships in their lives to get through the pain. Yet sometimes I’ve noticed that people are taught that they got this and they can tackle anything in their way without (or little) help as long as they optimize things like “life-hack” strategies that place too much emphasis on the individual. Having a community of meaningful relationships helps someone become resilient and able to take on life-changing events. They are what leads to better mental health more than anything outside of safety net support. 

Events can be fun to talk about, but I feel that if I’m able to spend quality time with someone I care about during events that’s more important. That’s what keeps me going.  Someone I spent time with at an convention once told me that they remember talking to me there more than the actual event itself. I’m sure it’s the same for many of you. I know the potential for drama and conflict frighten people, but there’s more good than bad. And good conflict is absolutely needed to grow. 

We focus heavily on events a bit too much and not enough about the behind-the-scenes of the relationships that make events the way they are.

Like Itagaki says, let’s strive to create an ideal balance of discussing the importance of both relationships and events.

[lost-in-prose]

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

Okay, my loves. If you’ve been reading my posts in this universe of The Truth of Childhood Trauma, you know that this one is going to be a long haul. Like the previous posts, if you see stars (☆☆☆☆) that means there is a break in information, and you can take a little break. 

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING- READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION⚠️

!!This should in no way be used as a diagnosis tool!!

Where it all begins: 

Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, are a collection of traumatic events that happen within someone’s life before they turn 18. These could include:

experiencing at least one of the following: physical neglect, emotional neglect, emotional/physical abuse, or sexual abuse 

having a parent who abused substances

watching your parents go through divorce 

having a parent with mental illness 

having a parent who was incarcerated

experiencing homelessness, domestic violence, familial death, neighborhood violence, economic hardship, or unfair treatment based on race or ethnicity 

These could also add onto Adverse Community Environments, increasing the effect that ACEs could have on the brain. These Adverse Community Environments include, but aren't limited to:

Poverty, poor quality housing, and affordability

Lack of opportunity & economic mobility

Discrimination

Community disruption

Violence

☆☆☆☆

Consequences of ACEs:

Some of these are ones a personally expetienced while others are ones I have read about/researched

These traumatic events occur during the developmental years of someone's life, leading to interference with the person's health, opportunities for growth, and stability throughout their life. These affects could impact future generations if not dealt with properly (AKA generational trauma). Also, those who experience abuse in their childhood are more likely to commit violence in their adulthood ( abusing and/or neglecting their own children).

Negative effects:

Greater risk of developing chronic disease and behavioral changes, including obesity, autoimmune disease, depression, alcoholism, respiratory and heart disease, cancer, and suicide

Negative effects with associated TOXIC STRESS:

Toxic stress is prolonged stress that no longer cultivates positive results. Toxic stress is prolonged and can cause detrimental effects on both the body and the brain:

Alters the expression of DNA, leaving lasting effects on the endocrine system, nervous system, and immune system (like anxiety, the cortisol release can limit the effectiveness in which your immune system acts)

Lasting effect on attention, behavior, decision making, and response to stress throughout lifetime

Memory loss

Trouble with relationships (because of instability within the home, you crave what you've always known)

Dissociation

Constant state of fear & anxiety

Thyroid problems

IBS

PCOS (for you AFAB people, sorry :()

Significant problems going asleep and staying asleep (body can't ever be relaxed)

Hyperviligance

Keen ability to read people

Second-guessing yourself

☆☆☆☆

Positive effects???:

Some of these are ones a personally expetienced while others are ones I have read about/researched

Ability to be calm in large moments of crisis

Beacon of calm for people

Very trustworthy (normally)

People confide in you

Ability to overcome adversity (AKA resilience)

☆☆☆☆

Statistics:

How common are people to have an ACE? (Must experience at least 1):

*note: EVERYONE has an ACE score, even if it's 0*

61% of black children

51% of Hispanic children

40% of white children

23% of Asian children

30% of people do not have a single ACE

16% have 4+ ACEs

☆☆☆☆

Healing from ACEs:

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Prolonged exposure therapy (PE)

Art therapy

Behavioral therapy

Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)

Letting your inner child heal (I'm a big softie when it comes to this. I dance in front of my mirror. I binge watch Disney movies. I make funny voices to myself. I cuddle pillows. Whatever it looks like for you, give your inner child the attention it never got)

☆☆☆☆

Resources:

Suicide and crisis lifeline: 988

SAMHSA'S national helpline: 1-800-662-4357

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453

☆☆☆☆

Quizzes

THIS IS NOT A DIAGNOSTIC TEST!! DO NOT TAKE YOUR RESULTS AS A SURE-SIGN THAT YOU HAVE ACES!!

American SPCC

☆☆☆☆

Relationship to CPTSD

Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged trauma that warps a person's sense of self. Often, this trauma happens during a person's formative years- in their adolescence. These Adverse Childhood Experiences are the foundational building blocks for years of trauma responses that a person will be deal with for the rest of their lives.

☆☆☆☆

Works Cited

https://www.ncsl.org/research/health/adverse-childhood-experiences-aces.aspx#:~:text=1%20ACEs%20101.%20What%20Are%20ACEs%3F%20Adverse%20childhood,explore%20two%20critical%20components%20of%20a%20child%E2%80%99s%20development.

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html

https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/aces/index.html

If you have any questions, let me know. I'll be glad to answer them as best as I can :)

Main post can be found here.

[deviltries]

THE     DEVIL     WITHIN     !        A     PRIVATE      AND      SELECTIVE      WRITING      BLOG      FEATURING         PARK     YEONJIN   FROM      THE GLORY.         A     STUDY     INTO     THE ADVANTAGES OF MONEY, THE ROT OF SELF, SELFISHNESS AT ITS FINEST, AND     THE     WORLD     THAT     COMES     CRASHING.        LARGELY    HEADCANON    BASED     WITH     PERSONAL     INTERPRETATIONS.         AS     VILIFIED     BY     MACY.        EST.    MAY   2023.

RULES BELOW CUT.

GENERAL

18+ only.    mutually exclusive.     softblock when breaking mutuals.

formatting doesn’t matter to me.     just cut your posts,   and do not use a picture/screenshot as your reply.     i’m selective with those who primarily use gifs as it screams being affiliated with a certain icky side of the rpc.

DNI.

do not interact if you use idols for faceclaims ( exceptions are made for some );   are a multi and primarily use east asian fcs    ( especially if they are korean )    because that screams fetishization to me;    write historical or real muses;     use youtubers/influencers as fcs;     and/or soley focus on sexual nsfw.

CONTENT & TAGGING

i don’t use tw tagging format,   and i only tag overtly graphic and explicit content.

be aware that the glory is centered around abuse, trauma, bullying, torture, and suicide ideation. follow at your own risk.

this blog will have implied sexual nsfw content,   but very rarely,   as it’s not my thing.     smutting will likely not happen unless we’re close and it will never be on dash.     

SHIPPING & MAINS

this blog is multiship,   though yeonjin is a fairly difficult muse to ship with off the bat.     that being said,   romance is typically not top priority for me and i tend to prefer other forms of dynamics:     antagonistic,   platonic,   familial,   etc.

mains and exclusives happen if we vibe a lot or write a lot,   otherwise don’t ask <3

WRITER & CREDITS

i’m macy,   23,   she/her.     this is not my main blog so activity will limited.     discord available upon request.

ABOUT PARK YEONJIN :

park yeonjin in present era works as a weatherwoman. well known, established, renowned. wealthy, classy, and elegant. has a young daughter whom she dotes on and a husband she couldn't be happier to have. her life is sparkling and clean and everything a person could want. but she hides an ugly past and wears a mask that has been super - glued on for the sake of blending into society. park yeonjin as a teenager was the devil incarnate, taking advantage of her mother's wealth, power, and influence to dish out violence to whomever she wanted to. yeonjin cared about nobody and dealt with her boredom in cruel, unorthodox manners. with a small group of friends who followed her every step, she terrorized her targets at school to do her bidding ( and to simply provide herself with entertainment ). if anyone knew, they wouldn't say it. if anyone dared to tell on her, they would regret it. park yeonjin always got her way.

although her cohorts had been with her for most activities, she hides the truth of one of their victims — she was the cause of yoon sohee's death, of which had been ruled a suicide.

as an adult, yeonjin had grown more skillful at hiding her true self and presents herself as the charming, kind wife and philanthropist. even with her position at the weather channel, she exploits younger assistants to write her scripts for her and uses fear to maintain control over younger, ambitious co - workers seeking to replace her.

her body count is one and a half, but that's only if we're counting literal deaths. she's snuffed out far more spirits than that.

HOW TO WRITE WITH YEONJIN:

your muse would never know that she was a bully in high school. your muse would never know that she killed someone in high school or that she nearly killed someone as an adult. yeonjin is an expert at acting and playing a role. she's charming, funny, gentle, down - to - earth. she would be a good friend at first. she's incredibly fake though so it would make sense for your muse to be put off by it or sense that something is off. she could've been an enemy during high school or college or even during her early career days but in a ' shielded ' manner so it's not so scandalous as being labelled a bully. yeonjin also has connections in high places, mostly due to her mom, so that's an option. anything could work tbh !

[system-of-a-feather]

Last post on this then I’m gonna go on with life, but I had actually been waiting for someone to send anon hate over tulpas if I’m honest. There is little that gets me past my “I’m not a real Asian” shame that I got from cultural / generational trauma and the damage and role white people have played in making my already badly family situation worse.

It’s a very very strong reflex and instinct of mine, and there is very little cognitive workings I can do to genuinely feel okay admitting that I am half Asian raised by an Chinese immigrant from Indonesia (one of which that fled Indonesia because white people fucked Indonesia over in ways that resulted in him getting head hunted by his peers) and was forced to integrate and erase his culture in order to “be an American”.

One thing that always will though, completely let me feel comfortable with my ethnicity and race and “own” it without shame is seeing some white bitch come by and try to step on the little that they left for me to hold onto. 

It pisses me off the audacity that after everything white people have done to fuck up other cultures and societies, exploit POC, and erase non-white cultures - that people still have the balls to try to talk over and perpetuate the damage in 2022.

The vile amount of hatred and disgust this system holds towards people that perpetuate that is honestly pretty high on my list of people we want to spit and dance on the grave of.

We don’t hate “white people” as a whole, and we very much appreciate white people who are trying their best, but the second you try to speak above a POC on topics you don’t have a right to speak on...

Well anyways. End Saga. Thanks Anon for genuinely giving me the therapy I’ve been waiting like a year for. It felt nice to make this step into actually undoing the damage you white people have done to me. Kiss kiss die in hell.

[circusclownsam]

Creepypasta OC (new version / kinda short n not very detailed?)

General

Full name: Min-Ya Choi

Name she goes by: Minnie

Other nicknames: little LJ, Shortass, Princess Minnie (given to by Sally)

Date of birth: 3/9

Date of death: [DATE UNKNOWN]

Cause of death: repeated stab wounds to the chest

Age: 18-19

Birthplace: Seoul, South Korea

Language(s): Korean, English

Voice: her voice is mid-pitch, with a noticeable Australian accent

Current residence: the creepypasta mansion, occasionally she stays in Sydney, Australia.

Gender: Female.

Race: Asian.

Ethnicity: Korean, Australian.

++++++++++++

Creepypasta information

Creepypasta name: The Affaired Clown.

Alliance(s): The proxies, slenderman

Occupation: serial killer.

Weapon(s): She often uses a kitchen knife, sometimes she’ll use a metal baseball bat.

Targets: those who cheat and their affair partners, as she finds both equally at fault.

Method of killing: slow and painful, torturing both the victim and affair partner. Carving out their heart once they’re deceased.

Reason to kill: she was cheated on for 3yrs by a partner she’d been dating for 5yrs.

Catchphrase: she doesn’t use a catchphrase, finding them useless if the person is going to die anyway.

++++++++++++

Personality / interests

Personality (in general): described as cold, sarcastic and blunt by the others. Sometimes she can be flirty; though only towards her victims and maybe to the other killers, she prefers to be “shut off” from the world; not letting people in and not sharing any detail about her unless she’s with someone she trusts, though despite her cold nature; she’s caring and sweet after a while.

Positive traits: Caring, Selfless, Honest, Creative, Understanding, Flirtatious.

Negative traits: Sarcastic, Cold at first, Anti-social, Secluded, Trust issues.

Likes: being left alone and not touched, hanging out with Sally- the two are often playing superheroes together (she always lets sally win), shopping with Jane and Nina, hanging out in trees with The Rake, walking around in streets at night- sometimes she’ll even jump out from behind bushes and trees to scare lonesome walkers. When her victims are quiet and compliant.

Dislikes: being touched and poked at, being put on the spot, being blamed for something she did not do, being made fun of for her trauma, when her victims fight back and manage to get the upper hand. Being bossed around by the other proxies, especially when it comes to her killing style. (A few others I cannot think of at the moment)

Fear(s): deep-bodied waters (lake, pools, oceans etc), her father coming back to abuse her once more.

Hobbies: sketching when alone, crafting dolls for Sally and children of her victims, Fishing (prior to death), Gymnastics (prior to death)

Music taste: Japanese Metal (specifically; BabyMetal, Band-Maid), Korean Pop (specifically; Boy groups)

++++++++++++

Relationships

Family: Robert Choi, 45, status; deceased Death; was killed by Minnie due to prolonged abuse. Lin Choi, 34, status; unknown

Allies/friends: Sally Williams, Jeff The Killer. (and a few other pastas I’m too lazy to write lmao)

Enemies/Rivals: cops, mainly.

+++++++++++++

Appearance

Hair length and texture: hip length, 2C.

Skin: tanned (seen in face claim)

Eyes: deep sea blue

Height: 158cm (5’2)

Weight: light

Face claim: https://pin.it/5FkjIFk

Body type: hourglass, average thickness, d cup size, smaller waist than average (due to corsets)

Distinguishing features: freckled cheeks and nose, dimpled smile.

Main Attire

: https://pin.it/4Nkh4gUX6

: https://pin.it/3c9cXqTbZ (tucked under corset)

: https://pin.it/RNiOKFThs

: https://pin.it/5Td8Thg

: https://pin.it/P8IFrcT

: https://pin.it/7LpsAh5

: https://pin.it/iTlKr8hfy

: https://pin.it/4PLRySe

: https://pin.it/3rG172CP0

Lounge attire

: https://pin.it/714I7fq94

: https://pin.it/4lhIogoad

: https://pin.it/7HlhMcWUl

: https://pin.it/5r1xtlbqn

++++++++++++

Physical/Mental

Disorders: prior to becoming a proxy, Minnie suffered from a mild case of social anxiety.

Abilities/Strengths: thanks to her gymnastics background, Minnie is quite good at climbing and balancing- finding it useful when stalking her victims.

Weaknesses/Faults: N/A (genuinely can’t think of any)

+++++++++++++

Stats

(From 1-10. 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest)

Intelligence: 8/10

Strength: 7/10

Speed: 9/10

Agility: 8/10

Endurance: 7/10

Stamina: 9/10

Balance: 9/10

Tolerance: 7/10

Luck: 7/10

Perception: 8/10

Charisma: 7/10

++++++++++++

Random facts

1. The corset she is currently wearing is made out whalebone, finding the material more comfortable than metal or wood.

2. She loves bubble baths, especially when they’re scented with roses.

3. She was killed by her boyfriends’ mistress in a fit of jealousy as he tried to choose Minnie over her.

4. When she’s out of her get-up, she’s usually lounging around in a black hoodie, pyjama pants and a black face-mask

5. She’s close to Sally Williams, often seen sitting on the couch with the little girl in her lap. The two are practically joined at the hip.

6. Her outfit takes great inspiration from Laughing Jack, sometimes jokingly referred to as his little sister.

7. She adores smile dog, always bringing a treat home for him.

8. Due to the method of her death, things like corsets and laying on her chest no longer affect her breathing.

[yanet0121]

As I began looking at my posts on my blog, a lot of what I saw was about familial ties. It’s funny because my family is probably one of the most discombobulated dysfunctional families anyone could ever come from. My sisters don’t speak to each other, nor do they speak to my mom unless it’s insults. I haven’t spoken to my dad in years and I’m the only one who speaks to my sisters and mom separately. You can see through my work that I yearn for unity and love. In my first post I analyzed The Lunatic of Etretat in which I spoke about a woman who lost her mind either because of a death of her child or because she couldn’t conceive. I was able to feel the pain she felt because I am in constant fear about not being able to have children, I have irregular periods where I don’t get them for years and have fertility issues in my family. Not being to have a child might literally destroy me as a woman. I genuinely understand why women put themselves through IVF because you feel like such a failure not being able to start your own family. I practically don’t have a family other than my husband’s side. I literally must plan two separate parties just for my side of the family in order to get my sisters to attend and that’s without my mom coming. It’s sad to me and while I’ve been coming more and more at peace with it, I don’t want my children to live a life like mine. To feel like they’re so unwanted by family, that their own family can’t even suck it up for a couple of hours to spend time together during the holidays. Which moves me onto my next piece, Gong by Pierre Alechinsky. This piece gave me a feeling of movement, I always remind myself that if you stay still then you’ll get sad. You must move yourself, your thoughts, your emotions. You must process what’s going on and come to terms with it. You cannot let it build it inside you. The saturation of blues and whites peeking through made me see movement, even with the gong which seemed to radiate sound helped me feel peace. The background of the gong is of East Asian culture and Buddhists which are about acceptance and letting things be. I’ve come to accept that I cannot change people, nor can I expect others to change for me. If someone is a piece of shit then that’s them but that isn’t the type of energy I want in my life. I guess the theme of my manifesto is regeneration, within myself and the family I am creating. I cannot keep fighting to check those who step out of line with me. If you cannot respect my boundaries, my needs and wants then that is you and I will need to reevaluate if you are the type of person I deserve in my life. The last peace I will include in my manifesto is A Mother’s Love, A New Generation. Straight photography. Photos by my sister and I which include our dogs, also known as our fur babies. In this piece I speak on the amount of time, love, energy and money we invest in our dogs and how we just don’t see them as animals we own but as part of our families. Even in the title I tie in regeneration, where I speak on how my sister and I are creating our own families with our significant others and pets. I believe the reason why we provide so much love and effort to our pets is because we are making up for the neglect and abuse we faced as children and we both have spoken on breaking generational curses. Overall, I will not be the trauma I faced as a child, I will overcome everything ive been through and I will not allow it to affect the way I raise my children. I will become a newer better person, the person I deserved as a child and the person my husband deserve. I refuse to allow my trauma define me, I will regenerate into a better person because I am not my past. My pieces through this semester all stem from change and movement, the ability not only see the pain and struggles but feel it allows me to be sympathetic but understanding in a sense that shit happens, but you have to keep going. (A poke at another piece in my blog, It Happens, artist Jim Rennert. Located in the corner of Park and 5Th Avenue in downtown Naples)

[storytellersumayyah]

tw: forced marriage mention, self/body image, implied racism, intergenerational trauma

When you look in the mirror, you are hit with a few rapid realisations in rapid succession.

And you don’t have time to process any of them because all you were doing was sorting something in your hair out because you need to leave but there’s a minute to do this one last thing.

But they remain new things you are forced to confront and face and accept and learn from.

In no particular order, this is what they are:

There’s a few spots that have suddenly appeared right where the temple of your glasses hits and you need to remember to not pick at them

Your glasses actually do fit your face and when you think they’re crooked, it’s because you’re looking at the photos too intently

Sometimes, you do actually look quite pretty, and maybe your eyes do have a slight sparkle to them, but it belongs to you and not the man who lets you panic

There are many women in your family who had the same face as you when they were forced to marry men they didn’t love then and don’t love now

You haven’t gone over the outside of the mirror in a while

Then that makes you realise that your features, which you thought were pretty a moment ago, serve as a reminder that for every life that has blessed your family, another woman is given a reason why she can’t start again

You are a reflection of what happens when things start to change and people get to make their own decisions because there is still a hope to the eyes and an upwards tilt to the mouth

The ease with which you genuinely smile means something has gotten better because a few years ago, you would have resembled your mother in the wedding photos you don’t ever remember seeing but must have been shown- tight lipped and unwilling

No matter how pretty you may think you are, you will never be enough for them and it will always be that you’re pretty for an Asian girl, rather than it just being enough to give the fucking compliment

The mirror needs to be dusted

Somewhere in your face is the man who gave up his own dreams and the chance to stay with his family to give his future family a better life, but you’ll never know whether he misses it because he hides it all away

The fact that you even have your glasses is a miracle, because there is someone back where you’re meant to be who still hasn’t received that treatment that they need to live

Your teeth aren’t fully straight because you didn’t wear your retainer, and the reasons for that don’t even exist to you, but it seems silly now even though you still hate brushing your teeth

If you squint, that’s definitely moisturiser that has somehow ended up there

Maybe it doesn’t matter what your face means about the history of the women you never feel enough for because it currently represents an act of rebellion since you’re not meant to be happy and yet you are

Perhaps your grandchildren will be able to believed they were loved for generations when they look in the mirror and have reminders of you pointed out

When your parents are apart, they seem to be at their happiest, but you are a strange combination of the two of them and perhaps that’s why they always try to say you look like them: so they aren’t forced to confront the permanent reminder of a pointless marriage

Actually, you can’t be pretty because your father is too much of everything and everyone always says you look just like your mother but she says it’s good you don’t like her because she has never been pretty so somebody must be lying to you

There has never been a good relationship, so now your face doesn’t quite know what to do when people are happy because you’re thinking about the first time things go wrong and what they will do when that comes around

Your face is not a sign that people have loved each other for generations because it’s a reminder that you are still trying to heal the pain of a thousand women whose dreams were completely taken from them for the sake of a parents wish and you don’t know where to put that pain or how you’re meant to survive it because it comes to the surface every time you look at yourself

You haven’t sorted your hair out but it’s time to go and so you have to leave with the mess that’s only mostly covered and hope nobody comments (but they do, and it drives the messages home.)

- what are you meant to do when you start to believe there is no love attached to the reflection you confront each day?

[ear-worthy]

On Purpose Podcast: Happier, Healthier And More Healed

Although it may not seem like it, living conditions in our world have dramatically improved over the last 50 years. Hunger and poverty have been reduced, and some diseases have been conquered. But while the basics for the body have seen advances, support for the mind still suffers from neglect, ignorance, and resistance to change.

In more developed societies, health and wellness podcasts like On Purpose with Jay Shetty offer an important service to listeners in need of an empathetic ear and desire to help.

The mission of this podcast is to reach people in today’s global, hyper-connected world – as one in four people has suffered from loneliness and depression – the biggest factor this generation has ever faced. Recently, iHeartMedia announced that the health and wellness podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty, has joined the iHeart Podcast Network. If you haven't listened to this podcast, here's a synopsis. Hosted by global best-selling author, award-winning storyteller, former monk and Chief Purpose Officer of Calm Jay Shetty, On Purpose With Jay Shetty brings fascinating conversations with some of the most insightful people in the world, with the mission to help others find purpose. 

Here is iHeart's view of On Purpose: "Known for making wisdom go viral, Shetty shares insights he has gained through his life journey, while conveying complex, fascinating subjects, and perspectives that might open up someone’s mind."

"From discussing childhood trauma with Oprah, and how experiences at a young age can mold our adult life; unpacking mental health with Selena Gomez; engaging with one’s inner child with Kendall Jenner; tackling fame as a drug with Kevin Hart; Will Smith’s commitment to family; having a second chance at love with Alicia Keys; tackling racism with Lewis Hamilton; finding purpose in troubled times with Jennifer Lopez; to Kobe Bryant on inspiring others, Shetty brings mindfulness and health to the forefront." "A platform where cultural luminaries as well as some of the great minds and figures of today can be vulnerable and open up like never before." “On Purpose is on a journey to help make people happier, healthier and more healed,” said host Jay Shetty. “Through insightful and vulnerable conversations with icons, experts and cultural figures and weekly workshops, On Purpose is dedicated to giving our community the habits and tools to live a more fulfilling life. I’m so grateful for our loyal and ever-growing community who come back every day to listen, learn and grow. As the podcast has scaled globally, it made perfect sense to join together with the number one podcast publisher- iHeartMedia. We are so excited about this new chapter for ‘On Purpose.’” With episodes published every Monday and Friday, and more than 20 million monthly listeners, On Purpose with Jay Shetty is an award-winning podcast that consistently ranks in the top of the podcast listening charts.

On Purpose has also won a lot of awards. Such honors are not always a guarantee of podcast excellence, but in this case the awards are well-deserved. 

They include:

The Webby Awards People’s Voice winner - Podcasts - Health & Wellness (General Series).

Won Best in Health & Wellness at the 11th Shorty Awards; honored with the Outstanding Achievement Online Award at The Asian Awards; and most recently,

iHeartRadio Podcast Award nominee for Podcast of the Year, Best Advice & Inspirational Podcast and Best Host; and Signal Awards nominee for Best Video Podcast Show - Individual Episodes, and Health & Wellness - Individual Episodes.

In addition, Shetty was also listed in The Hollywood Reporter’s Most Powerful People in Podcasting. (Again, I was neglected by The Hollywood Reporter.)

“Since launching On Purpose just four years ago, Jay has become one of the most influential voices in podcasting, especially when it comes to conversations around mental health and wellness,” said Will Pearson, President of iHeart Podcasts. “Podcasts are a powerful, intimate medium, so it’s not surprising that we’ve seen such a tremendous number of listeners turning toward this medium as a mental health resource. We’re thrilled to be joining forces with Jay to help him bring his wisdom to an even broader audience and to expand what we’re doing in this category in such a meaningful way.” On Purpose with Jay Shetty will join the network’s existing roster of popular shows focused on the topic, including Pushkin’s The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos, (one of my favorites), and A Slight Change of Plans with Dr. Maya Shankar. (another favorite of mine.)

[zutarawasrobbed]

WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS THIS?!?!

Apparently, we got the official descriptions of the characters for the live-action, and all I got to say is...

That said, content of the article is below the cut:

AANG:

“Male, Asian. Lead Character is 12, male, of East Asian or South Asian heritage.

Aang is a typical twelve-year-old boy. A bit goofy, a bit nerdy, restless in school, aways eager to join his friends for fun and games. He’s nimble, energetic, and quick in the schoolyard. Adopted at birth, Aang has struggled with questions as to how he fits in. But his loving parents have worked hard to make him feel accepted. Aang has grown up to become generous, kind-hearted and cheerful. Aang had also been gifted with an incredible mystical power. He doesn’t really understand it, but it could be the key to saving the world from a global conflict. It’s a responsibility he’s reluctant to accept because it’ll take him away from his family, friends, and everything he knows. All he wants is to just be a regular kid. SERIES REGULAR”

KATARA:

“Female, Native American. Character is 14, female, of heritage indigenous to North America.

Katara is smart, athletic, determined, and hopeful. She’s had to keep her family together ever since her mother was killed in a mysterious supernatural event several years ago, a trauma that haunts Katara every day. Recently, she has started to develop strange new powers that both intrigue and scare her. She’s looking for someone to help her understand these changes. But she has also started to find hope in the thought her new skills could lead to a brighter future for her and her family. SERIES REGULAR”

SOKKA:

“Male, Native American. Character is 16, male, of heritage indigenous to North America.

Katara’s gangly and strong older brother. Sokka is a teenager who’s forced to grow up too fast. Since his mother’s death, he had to become the leader of the famly. Which has led him to butt heads with his sister, who resents his overprotective nature. He’s concerned about her new powers, worried they might put her in harm’s way. Despite everything, he and Katara have a natural rapport, and they trust each other. He has a sharp, sardonic wit, which he often uses as a defense mechanism during uncomfortable situations. But it also makes him entertaining and likeable. SERIES REGULAR”

ZUKO:

“Male, Asian. Character is 17, of East Asian or South Asian heritage. In excellent shape, focused, and driven.

Zuko has been driven to be an overachiever by his overbearing father; a career military man. Failure is never an option, and it doesn’t matter who you hurt to get to the top. Zuko has struggled to reconcile that philosophy with his kind-hearted nature. That conflict has made him intense and guarded; which is why he comes off as brusque and arrogant. When Zuko discovers he has developed mysterious powers and is competing with Aang for a key role in their project, Zuko’s father tells him to stop at nothing to win. And if he doesn’t, he shouldn’t bother coming home. SERIES REGULAR”

Are we about to get Troy Bulton Zuko with overbearing football coach Ozai? What is this? Are we about to get Atla Riverdale edition? No one asked for this!

[txbbo]

I've been debating making this because this is definitely not what my blog is known for and I was worried that people wouldn't want to see it, but with the amount of shit im seeing on twitter it's compelled me to make this because I'm so frustrated.

I feel like I could make 100 posts about 'Cancel Culture' and it wouldn't be enough, so I'm just going to focus on what caused me to write this tonight - the Tommy situation. *Warning for a VERY long post below*

To be clear, Tommy has been in 'hot water' on twitter for the past couple weeks, roughly starting with the KSI collaboration where he made a joke about dream stans.

Last week, when the SBI 'exposing account' got made and twitter hyped it up, someone made a Tommy account and made a thread of things he needed to be '''educated''' on: https://twitter.com/idktommyinnit/status/1379158964148002821?s=20

I'll let you read it for yourself (and come to your own conclusion) but to me.... half of this stuff does not require a twitter thread? Breaking it down accusation by accusation:

1) 'The Mexican accent' - the clips show he is clearly only doing it when copying big Q (who famously exaggerates his own accent) and there is zero malicious intent (Big Q is also IN the 3 clips mentioned in the thread, and obviously didn't tell Tommy it was offensive). There's debates in the comments from people who think it is offensive and people who don't, so I'm not trying to pick a side. To avoid accidentally offending anyone, maybe it is best for him to stop, but the way twitter acts as if he was purposefully doing this to offend people is just not true.

2- 'Making a slave joke' - Even saying that feels wrong, because it suggests Tommy is doing something awful. Instead, they are referring to the 'bit' that Tommy, Techno, Tubbo and Ant were involved in, when Tommy and Techno took Tubbo and Ant as their slave. People are taking this vod and using it to accuse Tommy of being insensitive to Black people, but I think people are just assuming the worst. Slavery existed long before the transatlantic slave trade and still exists today. This is a role-play server - Tommy 'forced' Ant to work for him and used the word slave, which to me is exactly what was happening? People 'murder' others on the SMP, people 'kidnap' on the SMP, people are 'terrorists' on the SMP, and all happen without issue. To add, Ant is a WHITE man. Tommy taking a WHITE man as a slave is not something uber problematic.

3- 'His reply to Techno's 'murder is bad' tweet'. - I get people saying that Techno's initial tweet was insensitive, but saying Tommy's agreement to this from almost over a year ago is something notable and worth addressing is just super nitpicky and is clearly only in there to pad out the thread. It also makes me wonder what other CC's interacted with it and if THEY should be cancelled too (according to twitter).

4 - 'The saying slurs' tweet / jokes about 'whats the worst word you know' - This one I can kinda see how people might not like it. However, it's clearly a 'poke' at his friends, making them seem like bad people. To me, its in the same vein as 'Tubbo is a Tory' or when Tubbo shoots back that 'Tommy is a Nigel Farage fan'. They're obviously not, but its making fun of your friends by saying they are, and mockingly making them out out to be bad people.

5- 'Covid jokes' - People are taking jokes he made about him 'having covid' and saying he shouldn't joke about this, even going as far to linking it to asian hate crimes. I don't even know how to explain that that this is just? not a 'cancellable offence'? I'm sorry but if I hear anyone in my family coughing I make a little joke that 'they better not have covid' and I know other people do. I have someone in my family who is extremely vulnerable to Covid and if they caught it, would quite literally die, but I can understand that jokes like these are harmless. The whole internet had a running joke that we were in a 'panoramic' or 'Panera' or 'insert any word that sounds like pandemic.

This thread got a lot of attention and anything he tweeted afterwards was spammed with the link and there were so many people upset that he hadn't addressed it. I saw so many people say how 'upset' and 'disappointed' they were in him.

Going on to today, this happened: https://twitter.com/khasiid/status/1380611890104139776?s=20

I get it, it looks bad. But for context (which the tweet doesn't give), the reply was only up for less than a minute. It was obvious to me, even BEFORE Tommy addressed it in his stream (clip here: https://twitter.com/cowrpse/status/1380640046202593283?s=20 ) that it was a mistake. In the clip, he clearly acknowledges his mistake and seems embarrassed. To me, this situation should just be laid to rest because a mistake does not need this much attention, but twitter disagrees.

In case it wasn't obvious by now, the tide is turning against Tommy and people are less willing to ignore genuine mistakes and assume the worst.

Today, during his birthday stream people were clearly already waiting for him to mess up. Around half way through, he started saying 'finna' out of context and Tubbo joined in. This led to tons of tweets telling him he was misusing AAVE, and while there were plenty of people willing to be patient and educate, there were also people seeing this as an example of him being a 'bad person' and someone who should be 'without a platform'. I think people forget that not everyone has the same internet upbringing as they do. In general, I think its noted that the misuse of AAVE is something that has just recently been brought to attention. I learned about it through tiktok and stan twitter, and I don't think it's unimaginable that a British 17 year old boy (who is not active on either) has never heard of 'African American Vernacular English'.

Just for a fuller picture, today has also brought about another 'criticism' that I just had to address.

1) 'Tommy made a KKK joke' - Like the 'slavery' point, saying this is extremely misleading. It makes people think the worst. Here's the clip: https://twitter.com/ghostburz/status/1380673589612011522?s=20

Here, Tommy and Tubbo are both joking about Tubbo's 'bit' of naming his alt streams 'aaaaaaaaaa', 'bbbbbbb', 'cccccc', etc and how it would've been bad if it was 'kkkkkkkk' (for obvious reasons). That is literally it. It is a less than 20 second clip. Acknowledging that people woulda thought about the 'KKK' is not him 'not understanding Black issues', its a throwaway joke about the obvious.

Lastly, someone on twitter has made a tommyinnit (address asap) doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tZEZtBzikS-EYYkssfFtwVOoFqOwCK0zhStLe6H1wCc/edit

I've basically already covered everything in this document, but I wanted to mention how extremely 'guilt trippy' the whole thing is. I struggled to come up with the perfect word for the situation, and I am open to hearing other peoples opinion, but as I have mentioned none of these things Tommy has been accused of were done with malicious intent, and some I believe don't even need addressed at all.

'slavery is a source of astronomical trauma for black people, and isn’t something to be taken lightly if you’re to look into the horrors of the slave trade."

and "Oftentimes they are the last words we hear before we die and it really is not Tommy’s place to joke about words that affect us so negatively."

Are extremely emotional words for a 17-year-old boy to hear on his birthday, for stuff that I believe has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.

I really feel bad for him, because such a large proportion of twitter (which ofc is the loudest side of the fanbase) is angry at him and is demanding (as the document says) ''either a stream or twitter thread/twitlonger to addressing this' and 'a long and serious apology instead of a short statement pre-stream'.

We all know how twitter works, and unless his apology is perfect (which to me means apologising for stuff that he should't have to, as explained in the thread), twitter will continue with this weird hyper focus on everything he does, and it's not going to end well.

Twitter's mentality of 'putting everything this person has done that could ever be considered problematic' into one neat little thread is so unhelpful and counter intuitive. I got overwhelmed reading some of the stuff people were saying about him, I can't imagine how he feels.

I feel like I have more to say but at risk of writing an essay longer than my actual work I have to do, I'm going to end here.

[unwhitewashthebadbatch]

Disney Email Draft 2

(going under a cut because it's much longer. Here is the Google Doc link for anyone who would like to comment directly)

Reminder that we are encouraging critiques and comments regarding this email!

To Bob Iger, Kathleen Kennedy, Dave Filoni, Jennifer Corbett, and the creative team of Star Wars: The Bad Batch:

We hope this email finds you all well. We are fans of color, disabled fans, neurodivergent fans, and Jewish fans writing out of concern for the portrayal of our communities in the Disney+ series Star Wars: The Bad Batch. For several months now, we have been campaigning on social media to spread awareness about these concerns through #UnwhitewashTBB, a movement we began to raise awareness about the ways in which the series has poorly represented several minoritized groups of people.

Just like the creators of Star Wars: The Bad Batch, all of the creators of #UnwhitewashTBB grew up with Star Wars as the backbones of their childhoods, and for many of us, Star Wars: The Clone Wars was crucial to our development as artists, writers, creators, and lifelong Star Wars fans. We are all firm believers in the phrase “Star Wars is for everyone”, and we would like to see Disney support that message by hearing our plea.

As fans of color, as disabled fans, as neurodivergent fans, and as Jewish fans, we’ve seen ourselves on screen in both good and bad ways, but recently it has been more the latter than the former. One such reason is Star Wars: The Bad Batch, a show whose premise piqued many fans’ interest, but whose main cast has left an increasingly sour taste in the mouths of those who watched.

The series follows an elite squad of clone troopers who have named themselves The Bad Batch, due in part to their series of mutations that gives them an edge over regular clones on the battlefield. These mutations drastically altered the appearance of each of the members to a generally lighter, more Caucasian appearance--one that is inconsistent with how the original Jango Fett actor Temuera Morisson looks. Fans take issue with the implications in the writing and design of The Bad Batch: that in order to be elite, special, and better than one’s contemporaries--in order to have a story worth telling--one must also be white or as close as possible.

Merriam-Webster defines whitewashing as “to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character” The #UnwhitewashTBB movement comes with two carrds explaining the grievances of the fans. A summary for each character is given below:

Sergeant Hunter, the leader, closely resembles Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo character, despite being a clone of a man of color. The importance of his character, the fatherliness he has with Omega, and his centrality to both their Season 7 appearance in The Clone Wars and the series itself sends the message that important people look

Wrecker is the demolitions expert, and he’s the only member of The Bad Batch with features similar to that of a Maori man’s, like Temuera Morrison/Jango Fett. He’s large with broad features, brown skin, and is a stereotype of men of color. His personality as first introduced to the audience was that of a loud, aggressive, impatient, slow man who called frequently for violence/destruction. He falls into the “Loveable Brute” trope, an observation that is supported by statements from supervising director Brad Rau and voice actor Dee Bradely Baker that Wrecker is like a little boy and has a heart of gold.

Crosshair is the sniper on the team, and he’s the most derisive of the “regs”--the regular clone troopers. Taken in conjunction with his appearance (inspired by Clint Eastwood), the various messages being sent by the writing and appearance of the other team members, and his comment about the regular troopers--the he and the Batch are superior and thus should join the Empire--his character pushes forth a message that there is superiority inherent in whitened or fully white features.

Tech, the technology specialist, has incredibly light skin and hair compared to the regular clones. His mutation made him a genius, with an IQ that outpaces that of any other clone in the Republic. Fans of color are upset that Tech’s genius mutation apparently also affected his skin color, as now this creates a direct link between intelligence and appearance/race. Contrast Tech with Wrecker, who is the exact opposite in every way, and this harm becomes only more apparent. In addition to this, many Autistic fans of The Bad Batch have noted that Tech, being “on the spectrum” (according to Dee Bradley Baker) is a popular stereotype of Autistic people: a nerdy-looking white man with a formal way of speaking who’s a genius but dismissive of others’ feelings. Baker also plays Tech with a British accent, further cementing the harmful message that intelligence is in some way connected to ethnicity.

Omega is the newest member of The Bad Batch. Despite being a pure Jango clone, she’s come out looking nothing like Boba Fett--she has lighter skin than he does, as well as blonde hair. Fans are concerned about the connection between genetic purity and light skin/blonde hair, as this is directly harmful to the people of color who don’t sport those features.

Echo is the ARC Trooper of the team, but many fans--disabled fans especially--fear that his series of disabilities have reduced him to the “droid sidekick”. Echo does not have a prosthetic, instead sporting a scomp-arm attachment that allows him to plug into computers but would otherwise hinder him greatly in daily tasks. He rarely is the focus of an episode, and the series has not given him as much attention as it has given characters like Hunter and Omega. Disabled fans worry about the lack of attention given to his medical trauma, and fans of color note that his skin color goes beyond what a brown man who’s been without sunlight for a few months would look like.

The issues do not stop here. Asian fans noticed and were harmed by a Tiananmen Square parallel in 1x10, “Common Ground”--a recreation that was led by an Eastern Asian-coded woman. Jewish fans are hurt by the antisemitic stereotype in Cid the broker, a greedy lizard woman who speaks with an accent commonly associated with New York Jews--and who is played by Jewish actress Rhea Perlman. Black fans were harmed by the whitewashing in Saw Gererra and the one other Black character in The Bad Batch being a Black woman who works for the Empire and burns civilians alive.

The full analyses can be found in the official #UnwhitewashTBB carrd: unwhitewashthebadbatch.carrd.co. We respectfully ask that you read this carrd and give a public statement in response to these criticisms.

Our movement has only gained traction since its inception on March 30th, 2021. A few months later, we wrote and released an open letter on Change.org to be signed by supporters of #UnwhitewashTBB, and every day it gains new signatures and draws nearer to the next milestone. A survey we released over a month ago has received over 1,100 responses and also continues to climb. The latter displays a range of opinions regarding The Bad Batch, but one sentiment stands out: Hunter, Crosshair, Tech, Wrecker, Omega, and Echo are written in stereotypical and actively harmful ways. Respondents were shocked at outdated portrayals of Autism, sickened by antisemitic stereotypes, and confused at how, in this current social and political climate, a family-friendly corporation like Disney could greenlight a series that sends a message that is the complete opposite of “Star Wars is for Everyone”. Some sample responses are below:

“I would just like to elaborate on the ableism aspect. As a amputee myself, I don’t like how Echo’s trauma has been ignored. The whole reason he is with the BB is because of what he went through. Losing one limb, never mind multiple, it’s extremely difficult. They made it seem like just because his prosthetic can be of use on missions, that means he isn’t grieving the loss of his actual hand. There is no healing or evolution. It also feels wrong to only address the fact that echo uses prosthetics for the sake of hacking into machinery. Prosthetics are so personal and become a real part of who you are as a person.” - Respondent 130

“...I can't believe Star Wars is still doing this, and that an entire team of animators with a huge budget can't get skin tone right. I didn't even know the clones were supposed to have a NZ Māori accent until a friend told me. That's a big deal, since I live in NZ and hear it every day…” - Respondent 209

“As someone who is neurodivergent myself, Tech and Wrecker just. sting, you know? in a “is that really what you think of us” kind of way. I grew up in an environment where intersectional equality was heavily discussed, and I can still miss things. Having Jewish friends does not mean that Cid’s antisemitic implications can’t go right over my head until someone points them out (thank you).” - Respondent 87

“As a fan of color, its irritating and painful to watch and be brushed off as "lighting issues" and see justifications made by white fans and producers...It also feels very bad to me that TCW spent 7 seasons with several arcs emphasizing that the clones were all as individual as a 'normal' person, but then undo all that with TBB, which centers a group of "special" clones (who are suspiciously white) and have them treat the "regs" as a homogeneous group who are lesser than them, and then expect us to find it within ourselves to put that aside to enjoy the MCs. The way the treat "regs" is very offputting and it made me dislike them since their introduction...Star Wars is no stranger to racist and antisemitic media, but I must say, the blantancy of Sid, a greedy lizard who essentially financially enslaves the protaganists, being Jewish-coded and being protrayed by a Jewish voice actress is really next-level even for Star Wars. As a Jewish fan, it really grates on me.” - Respondent 40

“I’m disabled and autistic, and the ableism is appalling to watch. Watching Echo be treated as subhuman for needing machinery to survive makes me feel like having implants to keep my spine from breaking itself would have me be the pitied member of any group. I am disgusted by the blatant antisemitism, as a fair number of my friends are Jewish and it hurts me to think that people can so easily hate others based on internalized stereotypes. Me and my friends have also critically analyzed the fact that, despite being clones of a character portrayed by Temuera Morrison, for some reason the bad batch look nothing like him in any way. No resemblance in any way: just a bunch of someone’s badly worked characters fraught with disgusting writing decisions and design choices that make no sense. It makes me angry to think that the writers for this show, and to an extent any modern writer, would believe that using harmful tropes to make a story is acceptable and someone brings in profit. I tried to watch it out of fact that my family likes Star Wars and we all grew up watching it, but all of these unhealthy assumptions and terrible choices in terms of writing and design leave a bitter and nauseating feeling.” - Respondent 605

In the survey, various questions were asked about fans’ feelings about The Bad Batch. Before reading the carrd, 34.7% of fans answered that writing was their least favorite aspect of the series, with the next being the main characters. Elaborations in the following free write made clear that the whitewashing and stereotypical writing were huge factors of these opinions. One a 1 to 5 satisfaction scale, 68.1% of respondents rated their satisfaction at a 3 or lower--again, due to the whitewashing and other issues respondents perceived in The Bad Batch. When asked to analyze pre-post carrd-reading feelings regarding the above issues, every category saw a marked increase in awareness of the issue at hand. The perceived prominence of the whitewashing went from 81.3% to 91.4% in respondents. The awareness of ableism jumped almost 30%, from 52.6% to 84.4%. The majority of respondents (59%) were not aware of the antisemitism in the series, but after reading the carrd, that statistic flipped to 80.5%, a near 60% increase from the original 26.7%. Regarding the other racist issues, the respondents went from 63.1% to 83.7%.

Fans of color, neurodivergent fans, disabled fans, and Jewish fans have been waiting for the day where we can see ourselves on screen a level of attention and care that makes us feel even more at home in the Star Wars community . If Disney’s message is truly family-friendly, if Star Wars is for everyone, then Disney needs to support these views with not just words, but with actions. Resolve the racism in Star Wars: The Bad Batch, take out the antisemitism, and treat your nonwhite, disabled, and neurodivergent characters--and fans--with the respect and dignity they deserve.

This will not be a benefit solely to the fans who are asking to be represented properly. In today’s time, popular media is facing a reckoning; media that is inclusive of and respectful towards minoritized groups ends up with leagues more popularity, high ratings, and good reviews than those that don’t. A recent and prominent example is Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, a movie for which the inclusion of Asian-Americans at nearly all levels of production boosted its image and aided in its successful box office release. Black Panther is another prominent example--a movie spearheaded by Black people that completed its box office run at more than five times its initial budget in total revenue. The proper representation of people of color is a two-fold benefit.

Star Wars: The Bad Batch already has beautiful animation that reminds many longtime Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans of their childhood.

It is our hope that you will take our concerns as well as the concerns of others into account, and address the issues that we have outlined in order to better reflect the Walt Disney Company’s commitment to inclusive, diverse entertainment for audiences of all ages. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Respectfully,

Fans of The Bad Batch