#at least in my mind; reality has made me look at it a bit differently lately

[43qh]

talk for a minute? (m)

quinn hughes x fem!reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, yearning, self-doubt, rejection

word count: 4.6k

summary: your own vows to not associate with anyone your last year in college all comes crashing down the second quinn hughes enters your life.

you made vows.

vows to yourself, at least. you’ll focus on studies, graduate with honors this coming year, no distractions. you made fucking vows. so when a man named quinn hughes has sudden interest in your loneliness, you scowl. your snarls and distaste in his presence hasn’t made him go away. not yet, at least.

quinn randomly popped into your life when he sat across you in your campus library. his eyes gleamed a pretty color you didn’t want to discover too deeply. you raised an eyebrow at the time, not sure why a man was sitting across from you, no books in hand. you didn’t know quinn back then. quite frankly, you didn’t know many people. you were a loner, if you will. you hated the term, though. you just chose your studies over friendships.

people could call you a prune all they want, it never deterred you. at least you’d graduate with your head held high.

so, when quinn approached you that day with a glimmering “hi”, you scowled. and he would try every day for the past three weeks trying to get something different, but it never worked. but he never stopped approaching you. never stopped pursuing you.

when quinn doesn’t show up at his usual time, you’re a little muddled in your seat. quinn made it a point to be punctual in your ‘meet ups’. so, when he comes an hour late, you scrunch your eyebrows at him.

he clears his throat a bit, trying to remain quiet in the library, “hi.”

you almost scowl in his face, but your demeanor was falling apart in front of his eyes. you sit still, “you’re late.”

quinn’s eyebrows raise, but he can’t stop the smile errupting on his face, “you noticed?”

you scoff, looking back at your books. he wanted you to notice. he wanted you to react. he craved it.

quinn rests his chin on his hand, elbow on the table, “if you’re wondering where i was-”

“i wasn’t.” you snark.

“-i had to call my mother. we do this monthly thing where she checks in on me.”

quinn being a mommy’s boy made you want to smile. you didn’t know much about quinn. you knew he played hockey, had two brothers, had lots of friends, and you knew girls flocked at him. quinn wasn’t bad looking. maybe he knew he was a looker, who knows. but knowing he was also a mama’s boy, added to your short list of what you knew about quinn. it was almost charming.

if only you didn’t have a reputation to uphold.

you don’t even nod in acknowledgment to his words about the call with his mother. you don’t look up, you don’t stop typing on your laptop. and quinn just sits like usual, in silence. you’re not sure what game he’s playing at, but you’re not sure you’re going to like it, whatever it is.

you didn’t even know the man’s name before he approached you, and now you know more than you’d like to. it made you scoff in your head.

only in his wet dreams will he get a chance to talk to you.

you hate this.

you hate that quinn’s silence was starting to become a comfortable daily routine. you hated that you were starting to anticipate his entrance. you hated the coil in your stomach when he approached you after giving a familiar handshake to one of his friends.

you hate him.

he’s a nuisance. always in the way when you’re trying to concentrate. in all reality, you could probably find another place and spot to study. but you knowingly chose not to. and that’s really what kills you. you were tormenting yourself on purpose.

you were hating him on purpose.

“hi,” his familiar voice rings in your ears as you take notes.

you want to say ‘hi’ back. you want to greet him properly, let him into your world. you want to become apart of his world, maybe. your mind wins over your heart, though.

you stay silent, not daring to look up in fear that you’ll crack. quinn never pushes you for conversation. he simply sits quietly until you’re done with your studies for the evening. maybe that’s what drew you towards him. he was patient, never really, truly invading your space. quinn just sat in your bubble, silently scrolling through his phone. he doesn’t even strike up conversations, he just sits there.

is this infatuation?

were you really wanting to break vows for a man you barely knew?

you lick your lips, eyes flickering towards him for only a second, maybe even less than that. he was handsome, from what you gathered. he dressed nicely, his clothes neat and not a wrinkle in place. your nostrils flare as you get a small whiff of his cologne from where he sat. earthy and light.

he looked a bit too good to be true.

you sigh softly, eyes focused on your paper in front of you. your exams are close, and you can feel the anxiety start to creep up.

you were so consumed by quinn for the past few minutes that you were slightly behind on your preferred schedule. you frown, making sure to bury your nose deep into your notes.

you weren’t sure, but you swore you could see a soft smirk on quinn’s lips out of the corner of your eye.

your resolve was disappearing.

quinn’s hair was wet, dressed in a loose sweater and sweatpants. his hands grip his phone a bit too tight. he greets you with a grunt, unusual to his chipper tone. it sent a shock down your spine. were you supposed to react that way to a frustrated man?

you sigh, trying your best to concentrate, but something was clearly bothering quinn as his brows furrowed in anger. your heart was aching for him.

god, you were aching for him.

as the weeks pass, doubt clouds your mind. what if this was a game to get you to talk? what if he just wanted what every other man wanted? what if he was playing with you?

all doubt leaves your mind for the moment when you notice the slouch in his posture.

“you okay?” you ask with a meek voice. it wasn’t like you to appear shy, someone with less resolve than what they’re credited for. but quinn breaks all your rules.

quinn looks up at you with a raised brow, “you’re asking?” his tone was playful.

you wanted to scoff and turn back to your books, but your body reacts quicker than your mind. “yeah.” you breathe. you sound out of breath, looking at him with a shy glint that almost drives him a bit crazy.

you were just so precious to him.

quinn didn’t see you as shy, quite the opposite actually. but seeing you fall apart just talking to him? he couldn’t help the fact that it boosted his ego. you were kind of known for blowing people off. so, when you asked about his well-being, he felt like he had to get on his knees for you.

not that he’d admit it.

“lost a game,” quinn tilts his head at you. watching your every move like you were bound to cower away any minute.

you nod, adverting eyes just for a split second before you’re greeted with a smirk on his lips. you twist in your seat a bit, “you’re smirking.”

“how am i supposed to stay composed?” he questions, leaning closer so his chest presses against the desk separating the two of you, elbows on the table, fingers interlocked after putting his phone down, “you’re just so cute when concerned.”

you puff your cheeks out, looking away from him completely. you wanted to brush off his compliment like you do with everyone else. you wanted to dig your nose in your books. you wanted to even possibly disappear.

at some point, you lose track of time. you’re not sure how long the two of you have been sitting in that awkward silence while you collect yourself. you’re not sure how long quinn has been looking at you.

you just know it’s longer than you would have liked.

“you’re conceited to think i was concerned,” you look at your laptop, not really bothering with your notes anymore, just simply looking away from quinn.

“so, you’re not?” he asks, leaning his head on his hand now.

you scoff, “you wish i was.”

“so what if i do?” he raises an eyebrow, “you barely know how to even look at me. i think it’d be a privilege to be cared by you.”

you squirm a bit in your seat, “what gives you that privilege then?”

quinn shrugs his shoulders, “only you know that.” he pauses, leaning back in his seat as he continues observing you, “but i’d be more than willing to get it, work hard for it. i know you’re a hard worker, how about letting me take over the hard work?”

you lick your lips, his words sounding more suggestive than you’d like them to. it sounds appealing to you. “work for it, then, i guess.”

quinn’s mouth sparkles in an infamous smile that makes your stomach flip, “giving me permission?”

you look at him finally, studying the way he looks at you. like you’re a challenge he’s not willing to give up on so easily.

“only for you.”

quinn doesn’t want to seem to ecstatic at your words, but he also hates the idea of you thinking he’s ungrateful. truth is, he’s more than ecstatic. he’s fucking off the wall happy. when those words slipped past your beautiful lips, he could hear birds start singing, he swears.

as the days pass, he slowly learns a little more about you. he can see how frightened you are. he can sense that a part of you hates this. hates the idea of him knowing you more than anyone else but yourself. he knows you’re guarded.

quinn doesn’t let it distract or deter him, though. he just patiently and slowly gets to know you more and more. he finally knows your favorite color, your favorite fruit, your favorite sweet. basic stuff that would normally bore someone, but in quinn’s reality, anything you give him is like gold. he even starts wearing your favorite color more often.

you notice the effort, and you can’t say you’re not affected by it. the closer you get to quinn, the more scared you get. but, also, the more curious you get. you would be lying if you said you weren’t interested in quinn, as well.

for all you knew, you could be signing up for your own downfall. but so could he.

maybe quinn wasn’t out to get you.

you sighed, sitting on your dorm bed. your roommate had gone out like she usually does, leaving you alone in the room. your thoughts start to bounce a bit, drifting towards quinn, against your better judgement.

as you’re about to lay down after showering and changing into something comfortable, you hear a knock. you scrunch your eyebrows, wondering if your roommate forgot her key. when you open the door and are instantly greeted with a big smile from such a gruff man, you feel shock down to your feet.

“how are you here?” your voice was incredulous, looking at quinn with big eyes.

“walked,” he shrugged, licking his lips with a smirk on his face.

“no, i mean,” you roll your eyes, “how do you know my dorm?”

“your roommate told me.” he looks at you, “saw her walking down the hallway, and she said that if i was looking for you, you were here.”

of course she did. your roommate didn’t exactly disrespect your boundaries, but she definitely did want you to get out there more. she was kind and more extroverted than you’d ever be. you figured at some point she would catch on to the fact that quinn was around you. it’s not like she never caught the two of you at the library talking.

you huff, “so you thought it was okay to come here?”

quinn shrugs, “thought maybe we were getting closer.”

you bite your lip, and quinn’s eyes travel downwards on instinct. oh how he wished he could just kiss you. he had been thinking about it for awhile. a lot longer than he’d like to admit.

“i guess,” you finally answer, looking into his eyes with vulnerability and uncertainty. he so desperately wanted to wash away all your doubts. especially the one’s about yourself.

“gonna let me in?” he quirks an eyebrow, expecting you to scoff in his face and shut the door on him. but you do the opposite, stepping aside and nodding your head.

“my roommate will be gone for awhile.” you state as he steps inside with cautious steps. you could feel the tension increase the second the door closes.

quinn’s eyes looked concerned, “are you sure this is okay with you? i mean i-”

you nod, stepping closer to him, “yeah, i don’t mind.”

you wanted to say how much you hated the way you could smell his specific cologne and soap. you wanted to say how much you hated how close the two of you were. you wanted to say how much you hated how badly you wanted to kiss him.

but all the hate burns into something different. a beautiful pit in your stomach that makes you step even closer to him.

quinn tenses up at your advances, looking at the way your night shorts rose higher along your thighs. seeing the way your shirt dipped. it made him visibly gulp. you were a sight for sore eyes, and he was afraid he would lose control if you continued your advances.

you could feel his breath fan your face in anxious waves, making you smile to yourself at just how nervous he actually gets around you. he had a strong, flirtatious resolve. just like you had a strong, reserved resolve. maybe the two of you weren’t too different, afterall.

you stand still, and the room goes quiet. you don’t move any further, waiting and anticipating quinn’s next move in action. it all felt slow-motion. something out of a movie, maybe.

quinn slowly raises a hand to your cheek, and you lean into his touch. he let’s out a breath of relief, your eyes connecting. it felt like the world stopped spinning for him. like he was looking straight into the eyes of an angel.

he could feel your skin start to burn at his touch, and he wanted to touch you everywhere after that. he wanted to break, fall apart into your arms and take what you give to him. take what you allow.

god, maybe he was falling in love.

“lost for words, hughes?” your face was still cradled into his hand, and he swallows.

he’s breathless, “i think so.”

your smile ignites something within him.

you were burning a fire within him that he couldn’t contain.

“don’t speak, then.” you say, eyes glimmering in the soft shade of your lamp in your dorm.

he can’t stop himself from leaning to close the gap between the two of you. he stops just before your lips touch, looking for approval. he sees the way your eyes flutter close, and he takes it as a sign to softly press his lips to yours.

quinn fears for his life the second your lips touch. he fears he will never get enough of this. little does he know that when you reach up to place your hand in his hair, you’re thinking the same thing.

your lips move slowly, languidly. it’s like the two of you want to embrace the moment as it is. something just as simple as a kiss, but just as complex as a blossoming relationship.

quinn has careful hand placements, staying on your face while the other is lightly tugging you closer by your back. you have a hand in his hair still, your other placed respectfully on his chest.

it’s a kiss you never imagined having. a kiss you never thought you wanted until this very moment. your whole world shifts on its axel and you become consumed by the way his beard brushes against you, the way his lips capture yours in a sweetness like honey.

you were trapped in quinn’s hold.

quinn was trapped in yours.

“how can you just say no?” quinn’s eyebrows furrow in frustration. he feels a slight sense of danger in the pit of his stomach when you turn to look at him.

“i don’t date, i don’t do dates. i can’t date.” you shook your head, scowling as you continue your walk towards your dorm. you felt like you were in some kind of romance show, and you hated it.

“says who?” quinn asks, following your trail like a puppy. he isn’t very subtle about how eager he has been to get to know you more as the days passed since you kissed. quinn became slowly more and more affectionate, throwing you off and messing with your head.

you purse your lips before responding, “says me.”

“so, you’re just going to reject me? for what reason?” quinn couldn’t understand you. he thought the two of you were genuinely getting closer. that he finally had a shot with you, especially after such a kiss that still sends tingles down his spine.

you’re almost at your door before quinn gently grabs your hand, making you stop in your tracks at the touch. he wasn’t pulling you towards him, no force involved in the act. it was all just pure instinct on your behalf on why you stopped.

you close your eyes and sigh before turning to look at him, “i need to make sure i graduate with honors, quinn. i made vows that i wouldn’t get involved with anyone, not even friends.”

“why? what good does that do?” quinn’s hand is cold against your own, “you’re doing so well. i’ve seen how hard you work, nobody can take that away from you. especially not me, i don’t even want to. i just want to..” he pauses, looking around as his cheeks turn a pretty pink, “i just want to be with… you.”

you want that too.

and your eyes soften at all the effort he has put in to getting to know you. to getting past all the doubts and walls you built up. no one has ever made the effort to know you as well as he does, and you’re not sure you’ll ever find that again if you let him walk away.

the idea of him no longer pursuing you and wanting you makes your heart ache. you wished you could hate it, but in all reality, you knew you wanted to keep pursuing and wanting him, too.

you were so used to being left alone before quinn arrived.

now you couldn’t imagine a day where quinn wasn’t there.

so, with strength, you grip his hand back. your warm hand surprises him when he feels your reassuring squeeze. he swears he could fall to his knees, kiss the ground you walk on. instead, he opts for kissing you.

it’s so rushed, emotions taking over as he grips your waist as if you’ll disappear. guilt washes over you when you realize that he does fear you’ll disappear. that you’ll walk away the second he stops kissing you.

you inhibitions are thrown out the window when quinn grabs your hand again, guiding you towards your dorm. you let out a soft laugh at his eagerness when he pulls the keys out of your jeans pocket to open the door. he sighs the second he realizes your roommate isn’t there, so fucking relieved.

he turns to kiss you again when he hears you shut your door, going back to how it had been just a few second ago. he was eager, so eager. he couldn’t help the way his hands trailed beneath your shirt and beneath your bra to cup your breast. he feels the gasp you let out between kisses, making him groan as he pinches your nipple just a couple times before pulling back.

you look disheveled, and he was so honored to be the reason why. when you approach him, he steps back. you frown, looking at him with concerned eyes.

“strip.” his words are demanding as he sits at the foot of your bed. he leans back, hands resting on your mattress. you swallow down your pride, quickly making rid of your shirt and bra. “all of it.”

his tone was husky, making you clench your legs together before following even more of his demands. it was like he had hold on you. he watched with hungry eyes, trailing all across your body as your lacy panties fall down with your jeans, leaving you vulnerable and left in nothing but socks.

he hums in appreciation before beckoning you towards him, and you don’t dare refuse. “i’m a bit underdressed here.” you whisper, and quinn chuckles a bit. he tugs at the seam of his shirt, pulling it over his head. he makes quick work of the buttons on his jeans and his boxers follow suit. you gasp a bit at the sudden action, adverting your eyes from his cock as it sprung up against his stomach.

quinn smirks to himself when he notices how shy you really, truly are. he grabs at your hand to bring you back to reality, your eyes meet, and it takes everything in him not to devour you completely. how could someone with such a strong head, have such a beautiful doe eyed expression when vulnerable?

“there you go, baby.” the nickname consumes you, swallowing you whole. your ears are ringing as you walk closer to him, feeling the soft pull of his hand to tug you towards him. “you’re gorgeous.”

he sounds breathless, like he’s seen nothing like it before. like it’s his first time seeing someone naked. it’s not, but you’re definitely the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in that very moment.

you make way to straddle him, and he hums in happiness, a smile spreading across his features. “want this cock, sweetheart?” he tilts to look at you, holding your face in one of his hands so you don’t look away.

you lick your lips, eyes glossy as they stay connected with his, “yes.”

quinn smiles, placing a soft kiss to your lips before flipping the two of you over. you let out a soft sound at the sudden change of scenery, him hovering over you with a determined look in his eye.

quinn reaches down, feeling just how soaked you are. “oh?” he perches an eyebrow up, slipping his fingers through your folds, “so wet already, could slide right in.”

“please,” your voice is meek, small but still breaking through the tension just enough to gather quinn’s attention. it honestly drives him crazy.

quinn groans, “wanted to tease you a bit more,” he says in defeat as he begins to line his cock up with your tight entrance, “but it’ll have to wait another time. really need to fuck you. been needing it for weeks.”

his confession makes the stretch he causes all the more pleasurable when he finally pushes in. you were so tight, making him stop the second he bottoms out. he really couldn’t handle cumming too fast right now.

your sounds are symphonies. he listens to every single one, making sure to pack them away for days he needed release and thought of you. he can feel the way you’re gripping so tightly onto his shoulders, almost like you’re trying to ground yourself.

everything about this moment was electrifying.

quinn kisses your temple, “gonna move, okay?” he waits for your eager little nod before he continues. he’s slow at first, groaning at the tight pull your pussy gives him. “you feel like a fucking dream.” his voice is coarse, struggling to keep composure.

you buck your hips up, “more. need more.”

he can’t stop himself now. not when your voice comes out in whiny little gasps. not when you’re rolling your hips up to feel even more of him. no, not when you’re allowing him to have you.

you gasp when he picks up speed, eyes rolling back as he hits a spot inside you that has you wrapping your legs around his torso. quinn observes all of your reactions, making note of where to thrust, how hard, how fast. and it all feels too good.

he can feel your fingers digging into his shoulders, your moans becoming increasingly louder with each thrust of his hips. it was all so magnetic, so natural between the two of you. nothing felt awkward as he fucked you.

when you start to feel a tug in your lower belly, you tug on his hair, “quinn..” you gasp, opening your eyes and seeing the sweat starting to form on his forehead. “fuck, i’m-”

“i know, can feel you clenching, baby.” quinn picks up his pace, more eager than before to see you cum for him. “cum on my cock, know you want to. need to see you, need to feel you.”

you squeeze your eyes shut as you feel the flutter of your cunt around his dick. you cum with a small squeak, moans falling out of your mouth relentlessly. it wasn’t like anything you’ve felt before. your own release triggers quinn’s, he really couldn’t help it with how tight your pussy clung to him and how beautiful you looked cumming for him.

he swears this was his heaven.

he needed you forever.

your labored breathing brought him back to reality as you slowly released your hold on him. he’s quick to grab tissues from your bedside and clean you up.

“uh,” quinn says awkwardly, staring at you after throwing away the tissues, “do you have a shower?” you smile to yourself before nodding, admiring the way he now looks less territorial, and more soft. he nods back before helping you up. “let’s shower, then.”

you don’t argue.

this seemed to be the end of fighting your feelings for quinn hughes.

“i passed!” you exclaim, rushing towards your boyfriend as he makes quick work to catch you in a tight hug. “i did it, quinn!” your smile was so radiant, something he could never stop admiring.

quinn kisses your cheek, “of course you did, baby. i always knew you could.”

you look at him with excited eyes, “they’re all almost perfect scores, quinn.”

quinn nods, a smile adorning his beautiful features, “you’ve always had it in you.” he pauses before smirking, “see? i didn’t distract you too much.”

you scoff, wrapping your arms up around his neck, “you would’ve if i let you.”

quinn shrugs, knowing you were right.

when quinn approached you, you had to battle all your internal battles with yourself. you had to put down your vows for him, and still hold true to your word about graduating with honors. quinn frightened you, but it was in the best way possible.

quinn fought for you when you didn’t want to be fought for. at least, that’s what you thought. you didn’t know you needed someone like quinn hughes in your life before he showed up and turned your world upside down.

it’s such a cliché, it almost makes you sick.

but, for now, you’ll ignore it.

you lean up to kiss your now boyfriend, quinn hughes.

if you had never decided to talk that day in the library, you were sure you wouldn’t be so elated right now.

all it took, was to just talk.

talk just for a minute.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Lessons in Love.

Bucky didn't believe in love at first sight. Then he met you.

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warnings - None

Word Count - 3615

Author's Note - hello gorgeous people, hope you're all doing well. writing this has made my heart so full, and I hope it makes you feel the same. requests are always open and more than encouraged!! currently working on a stunning jake seresin request that's just so lovely. i'm SO open to more jake requests, but also any marvel, top gun maverick, criminal minds, narcos and any others you have in mind!! just send them over, and I'll see what I can do. as always, so much love x

Masterlist. Requests.

“No way. How is that even possible?”

You look at the bewildered man in front of you and can’t help but smile.

“It’ll play anything you want it to. Anything in the world. Just ask it!” you encourage, beaming grin still plastered on your face.

“Alexa,” he says tentatively, “play Marvin Gaye.”

The first notes of Trouble Man begin to sound through your apartment, and his eyes light up. He’s looking at you like you’ve discovered something completely revolutionary.

You laugh – a real, genuine, delighted sound that flows through Bucky like a beam of light, illuminates his bones, makes his heart beat that little bit faster.

Grabbing your notebook, you delicately place a check next to Number 26 – voice-controlled devices. Number 27 is air fryers. Number 28 is Bluetooth. Number 29 is kindles and e-readers. Number 30 is Doordash. You’ve already checked off Spotify, and ATMs, and Google, and online banking, amongst many others. A list of things to better integrate Bucky into the 21st Century. A list of things to make him feel less like a man out of time. A list of things that allow you to spend all the time with him that you can.

A warm hand on your left hip and a cold one on your right pull you back into reality.

“Dance with me.” he murmurs. “Let me teach you something, for once.”

Before you can process his words, he’s gliding across the kitchen with you in his arms. Trouble Man isn’t playing anymore, instead replaced with something slower, richer. Bucky hasn’t taken his eyes off you, not even for a second. He’s watching your every move, every expression, every twitch of your lips. Reading you like a book.

You bring your hands to rest around his neck, and he relaxes into you. He’s leading, swaying you gently, occasionally twirling you like a ballerina in a music box. Perfectly effortless. He’s good at this.

The sun is setting, casting a warm orange hue across the kitchen. The light is reflecting onto your hair, making you glow, giving you a halo. Angelic, he thinks. My guardian angel.

You close the space between your bodies, wrapping your arms around his middle. Resting your head on his chest, he prays you can’t hear how his heart is working overtime. You shut your eyes, and breathe him in. He smells faintly like the Bakery, like sugar and coffee and cinnamon. The place that started it all.

　            ⋆ 　　 .  ✵　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 

When Bucky first moved into his apartment, he’d noticed the Bakery down the street immediately. The smell of cake and coffee drifted out of the lilac colored door, enticing him in. He resisted the urge, and told himself that he’d go inside tomorrow.

The next day, he stood outside of the red brick building, and read the menu on the noticeboard carefully. Then he reread it. And then read it again. Since when was coffee so complicated? And don’t even get him started on cake. He swore there was only a few types back in the forties. Now, there was at least fifty different kinds on this menu alone. He was overwhelmed. He thought he’d be able to walk into this Bakery, get some coffee, maybe something sweet, and leave content. Instead, he's stood on the sidewalk on the verge of a panic attack. Tomorrow, he thinks to himself. I’ll go in tomorrow.

Tomorrow never comes. Every day, he takes a walk, and purposely passes the building that he longs to go into. But somehow, he can never find the courage. He knows he’ll just look like an idiot if he walks in. He’ll look lost, and out of place, and everyone will laugh and mutter. Look, they’ll jeer, The Winter Soldier can’t even order a coffee.

And so, he spares himself the pain. Lets his feet carry him past, only slowing down slightly when he passes the lilac door. Every day for three months, he takes the same route. Willing himself to go in, to find the courage. It’s just coffee, he tells himself. Get a grip.

Until, one day, you decided to change his life, unknowingly. Or maybe knowingly. He’s still not sure.

He takes his usual path, and just as he gets to the lilac door – you’re there. Stood, waiting, soft smile on your face. Bucky panics, and wills his feet to move faster, to take him away from this inevitably awkward situation. You stop him before he can make a run for it.

“Hi.”

Oh. You’re talking to him. You’re staring into his soul with no judgment, or fear, or trepidation. You’re staring into his soul with gentleness. Kindness. Friendship. He’s terrified.

“Uh – hi.” He rubs the back of his neck. Nervous habit.

“So, uh, I hope this isn’t weird, or anything. But, I’ve been watching you walk past every day for like three months, and, well…” you trail off. Now you look nervous. “Actually, I haven’t really thought this far ahead. I just see you, and I wanted to… invite you in, I guess? Not that you need an invite, of course not, we’re open to everyone, but… you always look like you’re going to come in, and then you never do. And I’ve been telling myself for months that I should properly invite you in, but now I’m realising this is, uh, really weird. And I’m sorry.”

You still have that gentle smile on your face, but it’s more tentative now. A dusting of pink is making its way onto your cheeks, and Bucky thinks it might be his new favourite color.

It’s now that he really starts to take you in. Your hair is blowing slightly in the breeze, and the sleeves of your sweater are pulled down over your wrists, to try and keep the New York chill at bay. You have bright, inquisitive eyes – eyes that contain hope, love, laughter. You make him feel almost peaceful. No one makes him feel like that. Damn.

You’ve stepped closer to him now, to get out of the way of the customers making their way through the door. You smell like sugar, and coffee, and optimism. He wants to breathe you in, let you settle in his lungs. A comfortable warmth spreads through his chest.

He decides to take a gamble and bear his truth to you. He’s not sure why, but he trusts you. He doesn’t trust anyone, these days. But he trusts you.

“Can I be honest with you?”, he asks, looking at you expectantly. You’re almost expecting him to laugh in your face at the absurdity of it all. You nod anyway, signalling for him to continue.

“I’ve been trying to work up the courage to come in. But every time I try, I just, uh-” he stutters, and you can tell that his mind is screaming at him, sounding alarm bells, begging him to stop with all this sudden vulnerability.

“It’s overwhelming, right?” you ask, cutting him off. Saving him. Guardian angel.

You see the relief in his body at your question. His fists unclench, the tension leaves his shoulders. He smiles bashfully. Half grateful, half embarrassed. You get it.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. You giggle, and he’s convinced that the melodious sound will circle around in his mind forever, like the Earth orbiting the Sun.

You fiddle with the strings of your mint green apron, and look at him. You’re gazing at him so earnestly that he’s worried he might spontaneously combust.

“Are you busy tonight?” you ask suddenly, and he feels so dizzy he’s concerned momentarily that he’s going to pass out.

“Uh, no. I’m not,” he replies, managing to force the words out of his mouth.

“We close at 6, so meet me here at 7.”

You still have that sparkle in your eye. He couldn’t say no to you if he tried.

“Why?” he queries. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t absolutely petrified at the turn the conversation has taken.

“I want to show you around. Maybe make you a coffee, introduce you to some of my favourite things. You won’t believe how good my raspberry and white chocolate cookies are. They’re best sellers for a reason,” you beam at him.

Beaming. He wonders how he’s lived his whole life without your light illuminating his universe. Anywhere he goes without you is going to feel so dark, he thinks. How did I ever live like this?

He manages to pull himself together to smile back at you. His first genuine grin in God knows how long. He’s forgotten what joy feels like, and he’s almost drunk on it now.

He agrees to your plan, and you turn on your heel, about to make your way back inside.

“Wait!” he yells, louder than intended. “What’s your name?”

Your lips turn up into a smirk, mischief seeping out of your pores.

“Come back at 7 and find out.” You wink at him, and he has to take a few deep breaths in order to stay conscious. With that, you leave him alone on the sidewalk, where he’s silently thanking the universe for dropping you in his lap. Finally, he thinks. The cosmic punishment is over.

He does come back at 7. In fact, he’s stood outside waiting at 6:45. He can see you mopping the floor, singing as you go. His supersoldier hearing allows him to listen to your voice, even from this far away. He’s never been more grateful for the thing he used to call a curse. He’d be cursed every damn day if it meant he got to listen to you like this.

At 6:58, you appear at the lilac door, beckoning him to follow you inside. He knows that stepping over that threshold is going to change him fundamentally. He can’t wait.

Upon entering, he’s hit with the smell of cinnamon, sugar, coffee, and you. A beautiful mix of all three. Without a second thought, he reaches out with his right hand, and gently brushes some flour from your cheekbone.

“Bucky,” he murmurs.

You can’t tear your eyes away from him. Lips slightly parted, chest heaving, it takes you a minute to register that he spoke.

“What?” you ask, dazed by the handsome stranger with the steel blue eyes.

“My name,” he speaks softly. “It’s Bucky.”

You smile knowingly, and take a deep breath. It’s overwhelming, meeting someone that you know is going to be in your life forever. You’re both feeling the same, neither of you sure just quite what to do.

You grab his left hand, sighing quietly in relief at the feeling the cool metal against your heated skin. Leading him gently, he lets you guide him through the front of the store, until you stop behind the counter. He’s convinced he’d let you lead him anywhere, as long as he gets to feel your skin, soft and warm, on his. Grounding. Comforting. Easy.

“What kind of milk do you like?” you ask, fingers still intertwined with his.

“There’s more than one kind of milk?”

Bucky looks so disorientated, that you want to kiss the confused expression off his face. You chuckle softly, and the sound bounces off the metal in the room, twinkling around him.

“We have cows’ milk, oat milk, almond milk and soy milk.” You take one look at him, and decide to change course. “Let’s start with something less complex, actually. Any allergies I should know about?”

He shakes his head, mischievous grin beginning to form on his handsome face. There he is, you think. He’s with me.

“I’m going to make you a latte. It’s milky, and not too strong or too sweet. I think you’ll like it.”

She thinks I’ll like it, he muses. And he trusts you - whether it be with his life, or just a cup of coffee.

You reluctantly let go of his hand, and begin to flit around, gathering everything you need. Bucky leans back against the counter and watches carefully. He watches the way you bite your lip when you measure out the milk. He watches the way the steam from the coffee machine blows your hair back from your face gently. He watches the way you’re trying to make everything perfect. He can’t remember the last time someone paid attention to him like this. His mind is telling him to sprint in the opposite direction, to excuse himself and never come back. He’s terrified. But he stays. I deserve this, he thinks. I deserve something good.

You pull him from his thoughts by handing him the mug of warm coffee. He takes it from you carefully, and, without breaking eye contact, takes a sip. He smiles, really smiles. That’s all the validation you needed.

“Let me show you where we bake everything,” you say quietly, as if you’re afraid to burst this bubble of warmth and trust you’ve created. You’re scared he’s going to bolt if you give him the chance. So, you don’t. You take his hand once more, and guide him through to the kitchen.

“Have you done much baking in your life, Bucky?”

No, he thinks. But I will. I’ll bake everyday for the rest of my life if it means you’ll love me. If you’ll make me coffee and smile at me like that.

Instead, he answers cautiously.

“Not really. I’d like to, though.” He adds that last part bashfully. You smile back at him earnestly.

“Well then you’re in the right place,” you wink. He has the overwhelming urge to drop to his knees. To pray at your altar. To worship you like an angel sent down just for him. He’s surprised he’s still stood on two feet.

Before he can even register what’s happening, you’re beginning to create a mixture for your infamous cookies. You direct him to stir, while you add meticulously measured ingredients into the bowl.

“Put those arms to good use,” you’d smirked, and a blush had risen up to his cheeks almost instantly.

You click the radio on, and a soft, jazzy melody begins to drift through the room. You’re humming quietly, gliding around the kitchen, and he decides that this is it for him. You’re it for him. He could watch you do this every day and die a happy man.

Cookies baking in the oven, you jump up to sit on one of the counters. Bucky moves to stand in between your legs, still being careful to keep his distance ever so slightly. He knows if he touches you, he won’t ever want to let go.

“This wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be,” he confesses.

“What, me?” you tease.

“No. Coffee. And cookies,” he chuckles.

“Are there lots of things that you haven’t done because you find them scary?” you ask genuinely. You want to know him. All of him. Fears, wants, quirks. All of it.

“Yeah, actually. The world is so different now. I don’t really know where to start. It’s all terrifying, honestly,” he laughs. You laugh with him, but you know there’s truth to his words. You want to wrap your arms around him. He may be 6 foot tall and made of solid muscle and vibranium, but you want to protect him.

“Why don’t we do it together?”

A pause. He’s confused again.

“Do what together?”

“All of it. The learning. I’ll help you. Everything is less scary if you do it with someone else.”

It’s now that he’s convinced he’s dreaming. You can’t be real. Why would you be here, offering him everything, after all that he’s done? He has to remind himself. I deserve this. I deserve something good.

You can sense his trepidation, so you keep talking.

“Why don’t we make a list? You write down the things you want to learn about. I’ll write down other things I think you should know. You’ll be an expert on the 21st Century before long, Buck.”

Buck. The nickname sounds like a gift coming from your lips.

“Okay. Yeah. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

The anxiety is coming off him in waves. He’s panicking. You grab a hold of both of his hands, and place one on each of your legs, just above your knees. He steps in closer, and takes a breath. You’re warm, and you’re soft, and you’re love personified. He’s okay.

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m excited!” you assure him. Then, quieter, “It means I get to spend more time with you.”

He aims a beaming, megawatt smile in your direction. He feels as if his nerve endings are alight. You’ve awoken something in him. He’d forgotten what it was like to feel like this. To feel alive.

You reach over and grab your notebook. In it, you simply write his name, followed by a love heart. Then, underneath, you begin to list everything you can think of that you want to teach him. You hand the list to him, and he adds his own requests. Between you, you manage to write 50 different lessons.

“Perfect. We’ll start with number one, and work our way down. Are you busy tomorrow evening?”

He chuckles at your eagerness, but secretly, he can’t wait. He knows he’ll be counting down the hours until he can see you again.

“Nope, I’m not. You are my only priority, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment seeps into your skin, settles in your ribcage. You’re convinced it’ll warm you up from the inside out. If he keeps calling you sweetheart in that Brooklyn drawl of his, you’ll never be cold again.

　            ⋆ 　　 .  ✵　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 　 ⋆ 　　 .  ✵ 

You’re not sure if you’ve been swaying in your kitchen with Bucky to Marvin Gaye for 2 minutes or 2 hours. You’re comfortably settled into him, as if the space in his arms was made especially for you. Maybe it was.

Bucky’s voice breaks through the solitude.

“You know, I’ve created my own list,” he murmurs against the top of your hair, where he’s resting his head.

You pull back, still in his arms, to look at him carefully.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Read it, and tell me what you think.”

He untangles himself from you and crosses the room, to retrieve his leather-bound notebook. He returns, and places it carefully in your awaiting hands.

You flick open the cover to reveal the first page. You recognise his handwriting instantly. It’s spiralling, and imperfect, but so Bucky. At the top of the page, you spot the title – your name, with a love heart next to it. Exactly the same as you’d done for him when you’d originally created your list together.

Underneath your name, only one thing is written.

I love you.

You look up at him, to see him watching you, holding his breath. Neither of you know what to say. You know what you want to say. You want to tell him that you hope the list never ends, so you always have an excuse to spend time with him. You want to tell him that you watched him walk past the door of the Bakery every day for 3 months because you thought he was the most beautiful person you’d ever seen. You want to tell him that every time he looks at you, you feel as if you’re going to pass out. You want to tell him that you can recognise him anywhere, by touch or smell alone. Instead, you say,

“You do?”

That genuine, million dollar smile is back, etched on his face. He’s glowing, light radiating from his bones.

“Yes. I do. I think I’ve loved you ever since I saw you waiting for me on the doorstep of the Bakery that day.”

You think you might be floating. Levitating above ground, fuelled by love. You laugh.

“That’s the exact moment I fell in love with you.”

He laughs with you, then. You could get drunk off the sound.

“I didn’t think love at first sight was a real thing. I thought I was going crazy,” he confesses.

He’s convinced that the two of you have discovered something, invented it even. Because he doesn’t understand. If love feels like this, so all encompassing, so consuming – how does anyone live? Every moment of every day, Bucky thinks of you. How does anyone go to work? How does anyone ever feel sad, or angry, when love like this exists?

You drop the notebook and cross the room to him. He closes the gap, and throws his arms around you, spinning you in circles, laughing with joy. He sets you back on your feet, and tilts your chin up, so you’re looking into his steel blue eyes. You could drown in the ocean of his irises if he let you.

He leans down, and presses his lips to yours. He’s giving you all of the love, the joy, the laughter – everything good that he has ever felt, because of you – through his kiss. Your knees go weak, and he holds you up by your waist, his strong arms encircling your frame. He tastes like coffee, and sugar, and promises. You’ll never want to taste anything else.

Eventually, you break away for air. You gaze up at him, and he sees sunshine in your eyes. He’s not sure what he did to earn a love like this. You seem to sense his doubts creeping in, because you say, in the most assured voice he’s ever heard –

“No one has ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”

I deserve this, he thinks. I deserve something good.

[l9velyyy]

A NEW BOMBSHELL

*ೃ༄ SUMMARY: a new bombshell has entered the villa and has her eyes on miguel, will miguel chose to stay loyal or pair with the new bombshell?

༉‧₊˚. GENRE: a bit of angst? and fluff

ׂׂૢ PAIRINGS: miguel x reader x new bombshell

(warning: everyone’s body is perfect in its own way, this is just for the fanfic!)

it was a hot day in the villa, it was around 3:15pm and around 80 degrees at this time. the girls were in bikinis like usual while the boys wore either a wife beater with shorts or no shirt and shorts. everyone was doing their own thing with their couples.

me and miguel sat by the pool and put our feet in, since the pool was way too cold to get in to. we just sat there in silence enjoying each others company. i didn’t think nothing of it, until i saw miguel looking. i giggled and turned my head ,”you got a staring problem bud?” i say while giggling. i can see miguel’s ears turning red and he chuckles while looking away. i scoot closer to miguel and lean my head on his shoulder. “what’s on your mind?” i ask him while looking at the way he’s zoned out. he turns his head and looks into my eyes ,”just wondering how far we’ve made it being a couple.” he says as he rubs your thighs smoothly.

“who would’ve known we were so loved by all America.” he says mind blowed that me and him made it this far. i giggled for a second and hold his hand while also looking into his eyes. “i know, it’s crazy to me too but hey, at least they don’t hate us so just remember that.” i say trying to reassure him that there is nothing to worry about. he gives me a light smile and we sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

*PING*

i lift my head off of miguel’s shoulder and stare at him with wide eyes. i had gotten a text. we hadn’t gotten a text in a while, so it was shocking to see that i had gotten it. i look nervously at miguel as i yell out ,”I GOT A TEXTTTTT!!!”

you hear as everyone shouts and see that they are making they’re way towards you. you don’t look at the text message yet as you wait for everyone to gather around. “okay everyone’s here right?” i say as i look around worried and scared. everyone replies yes and i start reading the text ,”islanders, today we have a new BOMBSHELL, everyone please meet kelly.” you hear as everyone gasps in shock and everyone turns their head into the entrance. you widen your eyes as you see a 5’6 blonde, with a perfect body, perfect butt , mostly just perfect everything. you turn back your attention to miguel as you see he’s staring at her, a little too much.

“hello everybody, i’m kelly and i’m from the UK, i’m hoping we can all be friends.” kelly says as she smiles softly at everyone. everyone gets up and greets her, even miguel, giving her a fist bump or a hug. you sit there zoned out as you start to worry, anxiety taking over your head and thoughts as you think the negative things that could happen between you and miguel. you feel a hand on your shoulder and come back to reality, you quickly look over your shoulder and see miguel’s hand. you do a soft smile at him and grab his hand. “what are you thinking about, darling? you’re so zoned out, you haven’t even greeted kelly.”

“oh, sorry, i’ll go right now.” you stare at him awkward for a second and get up to greet kelly. as you make your way to greet kelly, you see her heading towards miguel. your heart drops to your stomach as you see that she grabs his hand to go talk to him. you keep staring as you see their way onto the stairs, where exactly soul ties is. but what you didn’t realize that miguel was looking at you the entire time, you make eye contact with him and see him mouth to you, “don’t worry.” you let out a sigh of relief as you see miguel taking her to a different spot. you make your way to the kitchen and sit down ,”hey girl, what’s wrong?” you hear as jana and kelly enter the kitchen and sit right next to you.

“i know we’re not even official and i know it’s not miguel’s fault that he’s attractive, but seeing him with the bombshell worries me. i mean they’re literally both from the uk and she’s just perfect in every way.” you say as you lay your head down onto the counter and sigh” jana looks at kenny and both of them give you a hug. you give them a small smile and thank them both. “girl, you and miguel have a connection that NOBODY can break, and miguel knows that. he literally calls you his triple b, his “big booty betty”, that man is all yours girl, don’t you worry about a thing.” jana says as she reassures you that everything is gonna be okay. you give her a big smile and get out of the seat to give her a big hug.

you start to realize all the memories of you and miguel and realize that you guys have an unbreakable bond. “thank you jana, i really needed that like really.” you thank her again and say your goodbyes to both kenny and her as you make your way to get ready for bed. you sit in the seat taking off your makeup and you see someone coming in through the door. you look over and see as it’s miguel making his way over to you, “where’s my triple b?” as miguel says laughing, he gives you a quick kiss and puts his arms over you. you slow turn your head and give him a side eye ,” the size eye is crazyyy.” miguel says as you and him laugh together. “i’m kidding, how was the chat with your new girlfriendd.” you joke.

miguel throws his head back and rolls his eyes, you laugh as you see his face and grab his face to give him a quick peck. “nothing happened, we were both just getting to know each other, that’s all, nothing to worry about love, i promise.” miguel says as he gives you those loving and caring eyes. you know miguel would tell you anything no matter what, so you know you didn’t have to worry too much and were probably just being dramatic. “okay, i believe you, let’s go to bed, i am exhausted!” you get off your seat and put your arms over miguel’s neck, you guys look into each other eyes and give each other passionate kisses. you back up before anything else goes down and pat his chest ,” let’s slow down, before you end up blaming me for your “problem”. you say laughing and leading him to bed.

miguel laughs and playfully smacks your bum, you yelp and gave him a death stare and playfully shake your head. you hop onto bed and throw the blanket around you and miguel. you playfully play with his hair and stare in his eyes. “i could stare at you forever,” you say as you memorize every one of his facial structures. miguel touches your cheek and pampers you with kisses ,” let’s go to bed, darling.” miguel says as he cuddles into you. you both close your eyes and go off to sleep.

( part 2 ? 👀)

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi. I have a pretty specific request for Kaz x reader. Basically, the reader was a part of the dregs for some time, well acquainted with Kaz, Nina and Inej (and Jesper, though I don't remember when he dropped studies and joined, but like yeah). After some time (2 years?) the reader is sent off to a job that causes them not to run into the main group a lot. For half a year they almost disappear (maybe swindling people in the harbor or watching some other Dregs’ territory). When they return all is good, new scars were definitely made and all, but that's a part of the job. They did mess up their leg though, having the knee crushed by a heavy object. They didn't get to heal it and after half a year its pretty hard to really fix. Unfortunately, they were known for their dancing and athletics as well as hand to hand combat before. That was why thy were seen as a valuable asset in the first place. And in the Dregs it’s not uncommon to overlook or hide injuries. So, though it's clear that something is wrong, they downplay it, afraid of being seen as weak or useless. But they struggle on the daily. I mean, from experience, that kind of an unhealed injury is hard to manage - they don't know how to sleep without pain flaring up bc the usual positions just don't work anymore, they have to relearn walking the stairs in a painless manner, whether changes are number one enemy, riding in anything is a nightmare bc the roads are bumpy, sitting apparently can cause pain too not to even mention walking. And all the fighting and acrobatics aren't as effective. They try to make others forget, trying to dance with Nina and Jes and sparring with Inej as if nothing happened. They want their life and self worth back

Before, they were known for keeping Kaz at a distance, which doesn't change at first. They still bicker, the reader is still distrustful. But I think he would be helpful. Not out of kindness, especially at first, but out of convenience. He can’t have them messing things up and so it starts small with offhand tips. Just enough not to have them get killed. Later, perhaps, they start talking more and the reader isn't sure if Kaz is still just the ruthless asshole they have to work with

To be fair, I don't have much plot. I just have my love for bittersweet stories and my messed up leg to provide inspiration. Also, don't care what you do with the gender, I used they/them to make in neutral but I don't really care. I know this request is long. No pressure if you don't like this scenario

-☆

My apologies for this taking so long. I was just scared that I wasn’t gonna do this justice. I hope it’s at least somewhat close. 🥺😫

Broken dreams

Playing a part was always hard. Fitting different masks. Making sure they didn’t slip. Always a smile. Always a careless, wild girl. But she just died last year. She was beaten. Broken to bits. Tossed aside. Left to die in that ally. To rot. Forgotten. Would anyone have come looking for you? Would have missed you? Grieved you? They killed the innocent girl that day. Left a broken shell of a woman in her way.

“Come on one more”, Nina pulled at your hand breathlessly. You quickly shoot her a smile, pushing the demons running in your mind aside. “We just sat down”, you chuckled while in reality, the idea of being up on your feet was making you want to turn to the side and vomit. “Oh, come on, we used to dance all night long, remember?”, she tossed her head back, downing her drink. “Jasper always steps on my toes, I need you to save me from that”, she cackled. Your eyes followed Jasper who was turning Wylan around. How much has everything changed in the time you were gone? It felt as if you no longer belonged. As if this version of you didn’t belong here anymore. “Are you feeling okay?”, Nina’s worried eyes watched you and you instantly nudged her, “Morning my freedom now that you’ve pretty much left your boyfriend for me”, you teased her. Happy to see her laugh. Off the hook then. “Lead the way”, you urged her. You could dance. Then down half the bottle of painkillers. Snatch one of the absolute bottles from Kaz’s drawer. It would work. You just had to pretend for a bit longer.

The pain was unbearable once you finally excused yourself. Sobbing the whole way back to the den. The agony felt like tongues of flames. No longer just in your legs. All over your body now. You slumped against the door. Letting yourself breathe. Trying to breathe. Only twenty sets of steps. It used to be only. Now it felt like twenty too many. Ot aggravated you. You wanted your body back. Wanted your freedom back. Wanted to be able to do things that others did. You just wanted it all to stop.

“Back early”, the voice makes you halt. Eyes growing big, you wipe your face before turning around, “Been a while since I drank so freely, Nina is also too persuasive”, you shoot a somewhat dazed smile at Kaz, who’s leaning against the the hallway arch. “You used to dance till early morning sun”, his words meet the target in a blind shot. Making your eyes sting once more. “You used to be more quiet. Don’t want to crawl back to your hole?”, it’s bitter. So bitter because he had learned to live with his pain. You were jealous of that. You had hoped that by watching him you would learn some tricks. How to navigate things that were easy once but brought you pain now. You learned to walk down the stairs because of him. Of watching him.

“You’ve changed”, Kaz’s eyes don’t leave you as he speaks. “Rich coming from you”, you let out a chuckle, locking the outside door. “You’re defensive”, he continues to push, “You were never defensive with me. We argued. You tested my patience but you never bit me”, you hear the sound of his cane, then the smooth steps. “Why are you biting me now, YN?”, Kaz asks. “Don’t make everything about yourself, Kaz”, you turned around swiftly, feeling your legs dip slightly beneath your weight. But you bite back the cry of pain, stepping forward. Hoping to escape him. But Kaz’s cane comes in front of you blocking your way.

“You don’t get to walk away”, he grunts, turning his head to you. “I’ll ask this once”, his voice low, lethal, “So take your time to think”. You can feel him. Feel his eyes when he asks, “Who hurt you?”. The anger takes flight within you. Sending traitorous tears falling down your cheeks, “If I have an idea they would be six feet under”. He had played his part. Made you open the throbbing wound up for him to see. “They captured me. Broke my knees. I couldn’t…”, the words tumble freely, as you hide your face in your palms. “Why didn’t you say anything?”, his tone is blank, emotionless.

“What was I supposed to say?”, you crock out in frustration, “I was worthless then. I was of no use”. Kaz clenches his jaw, “So you hide the truth from me?”. You can’t help but growl in frustration, “I did the job you gave me. I got you what you wanted, what else do you want from me for fuck sake”.

And it’s a matter of heartbeats as your back hits the wall, Kaz’s cane now pressed against your chest, “I don’t give a fuck about the job”, he spats, veins visible in his tense neck now. “We could have gotten you a good doctor, could have…”, he grunts, “Did anyone look at the injury at all?”. You look at him for a moment. You could lie but what’s the point? “Some passing by a doctor”, you admit, “Fixed what he was able to, wished me luck, and left”.

Kaz shakes his head as he steps back, “How bad is the pain?”, “You want to bask in it?”, you clip right at him. “I should throw you out. Make you pay for ruining your own body so carelessly”, he hisses, “Legally you are mine. I own you. So your legs are mine to worry about”. You scoff, “How sweet of you, my gods”. Kaz’s gloved hand catches your jaw, the touch starts you both it seems. “I’m mad at you because you should have spoken up. I would have helped you. Would have dropped everything and made my way to you”, Kaz snarls through gritted teeth, “You’re starting physical therapy from tomorrow. That’s an order”, he steps back, pulls at his west. You blink up at him, knowing that you should say something. Anything. He would have come to you. But was it true? “If you ever pull anything like this ever again…”, Kaz doesn’t finish but you know well what his words imply, “I’ll see you in the morning at my office. Think well about the features of people who attacked”.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Do you have any recommendations for games in the western genre? Or western fantasy/sci-fi? Absolutely can’t get enough of the combination of cowboys and six shooters, steampunk, and magic fantasy. I’m considering writing my own setting for DnD5E that combines these elements.

Theme: Fantastic Westerns

Friend, I think I've collected a real tight bunch of winners here, so I'm confident you'll find something that really scratches that itch you've got!

Wicked West, by Finch Edmund.

Wicked West is a PbtA game by Finch Edmund (they/them) about paranormal cowboys. It combines classic monsters with the backdrop of the old west and is meant to be played with at least two players with one player taking the role of Game Master. Wicked West is made to tell stories similar to the westerns of the 1940s-1960s about small towns and the struggles of life with a horror twist.

If you like combining monsters with your westerns, this is the game for you. It looks like you combine a couple of different options to make your character playbook, which is something I’m personally pretty jazzed about when it comes to creating characters. One interesting thing about Wicked West is the relationship your cowboy has with their horse: a vampire might feed off of their steed, while a witch can cast spells on their horse to run faster. If you don't mind a bit of a horror flavor to your Western, this might be the game for you.

Wizards of the Wild West, by ckellyrpg.

Wizards of the Wild West is an action-oriented TTRPG that combines fantasy magic with classic Wild West themes. It is powered by the LUMEN system, and takes heavy inspiration from looter-shooter games such as Destiny.

LUMEN is still a game that I’m excited to try out, so seeing it tagged onto a western game about wizards made me take a second look. This is a game for a raucous good time; you’ll be pulling off sweet character combos, with easy-to-understand breakdowns of each character class. Right now the game is still in development, but it’s still considered playable, so if you get it now it might have more content for you down the road!

We Deal in Lead, by Odin’s Beard.

You look to those closest to you, fellow gunslingers of the Order of the King. The arduous trek across the bleached desert is over and now you stand before a slip door. Though tested, the fellowship of your Order stands true.

You grasp the worn sandalwood grip of your artefact gun and twist open the door. You gasp as the sharp sea air hits your lungs. Gulls caw and the foam sprays your face like a baptism. You step through to another reality.

After all, there are other worlds than these.

We Deal In Lead comes highly recommended to me by folks who like the OSR scene. It’s based off of Cairn, a well-beloved fantasy system, and if you got the TTRPGs for Trans Rights in Florida bundle, you already have a copy!

The setting is meant to be somewhat post-apocalyptic, but the barriers between your world and others are thin, causing threats (and allies) from other dimension to have a chance to enter your world. The game focuses on combat, exploration and survival, and it’s almost completely compatible with anything released for Cairn.

If you like what you see so far with this game, you might also want to check out Omega City, a weird west city setting, still in ashcan form.

Vampire Cowboys, by Maddy Searle.

You are a gang of outlaws in the Wild West. You have a lot to contend with: enemy gangs, law enforcement, wild animals, and… did I mention? You’re also vampires. You must figure out how to survive in this harsh land, where “justice” is often swift and violent. Will you blend in with the crowd, and hide your vampiric side in an attempt to live as a gun-toting cowboy? Or will you give in to your monstrous urges and use your supernatural powers, making yourself known as a vampire? It’s entirely up to you. 

This game premise is simple and easy to describe: you are vampires who are also cowboys. You live in a world where everything wants you dead, and you’re constantly fighting the parts of you that make you monstrous. The mechanics are very familiar if you’ve every come across a Lasers & Feelings game: a couple pages to read and you’re off to the races, ready to play.

Reboot Hill, by Groovy Dad Games.

REBOOT HILL is a sci-fi Western TTRPG set in the "Future West" of the far flung Hill-Ceballos System. When a war back on Earth results in a cyber-attack that frees all of the bots in the Hill-Ceballos, things go bad for the humans right quick. In the aftermath, bots have got to rely on their shooting irons and their processors to make their way in this new, post-human frontier. 

REBOOT HILL is a card-driven tabletop role-playing game in which players portray "Aces"--bots with advanced AI that find themselves on the right or wrong side of the law. 

Finally, a space western! Here’s a card-based game with a plethora of character options, including mechanical upgrades, as well as weapons and vehicles. You’re mainly going to be bounty hunters, chasing after varmints and villains so that you can scrape together a living. If you want a game whose game mechanics make you feel liked you’re sitting at a poker table, you should check out Reboot Hill.

Clink, by Technical Grimoire.

Clink is a tabletop RPG about drifters, the creeds that bring them together, and the history that drives them apart. This game uses coins to tell a story inspired by spaghetti westerns, ronin tales, and shows like Firefly or Supernatural.

Characters begin as rough sketches of the shifty sort you’d see in an old Western or Noir film. They all start as blank slates, their histories unknown. Tell stories about their past and create your character as you play.

I’m a big fan of Technical Grimoire, especially their expertly-designed Troika setting, Bones Deep. Clink isn’t Troika - it uses coins as a storytelling mechanic - but it’s very setting-flexible, as seen in the variety of the starting scenarios provided.

The game is also non-linear: throughout play your characters will experience flashbacks, which will help flesh out who they are as you play, and tell us something about who they used to be. You’ll start the game with two coins, which you can spend to gain a flashback, but you can also flip them to try and succeed at various tasks. As you play, you’ll also gain coins using a mechanic called a Trigger - bad habits that get them into trouble.

If you want a fresh set of rules to play around with in a flexible setting that stays true to the woes of outlaws and other Western tropes, I heavily recommend Clink.

Boondock Cartomancy, by Hookline & Sinker.

The consequences of westward expansion rear their head. Desolate, inhospitable, and unpredictable - the Outbacks are a ravaged desert, a wild tundra, an ancient tomb. Host to a plethora of unknown variables and formed from the corpses of failure, it’s a hotbed for the lawless, the corrupt, and the lost. Conditions for growing a corporate empire couldn’t be more ideal.

BOONDOCK CARTOMANCY is a tabletop roleplaying game about personal growth in a cruel and inhospitable wasteland, backlit with Western cowboys wielding powerful and unpredictable magic. It’s a game about reflecting upon the world and systems of exploitation we live in, and using ancient spells to blow up a caravan of criminals in a climactic shootout. It’s a game about interfacing with the human condition, and feeling cool as shit while doing it.

This game looks so cool! You are brokers, going on dangerous jobs in a hostile frontier, giving your characters objectives to complete while also exploring the way colonialism forces so many folks to act as simply cogs in a larger, uncaring machine. The game also gives you a fantasy to explore, by granting your characters card-based magic skills, and replacing their hit points with a luck meter. The game itself also has a really clever layout, presenting itself like an old-fashioned newspaper, with pieces of advertisements sprinkled throughout to give you bits of lore about the world. All in all, definitely worth checking out.

Former Rec Posts to Check Out

Rootin’, Tootin’ and Shootin.

Space Westerns.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

[jadeleechsupportgroup]

Bittersweet

malleus as therapy.

cw: mental illness, suicide mention/ideation, overdose mention, psychological trauma. no gore or horror though.

(wrote this a while ago. based on a real life event for me.)

“It is difficult for me to understand.”

Malleus’s voice draws me out of the fog of my own mind and back to reality like the tether of a wayward life preserver. I wonder what he would think of this comparison.

“What is?” I ask, hoping not to make it too obvious that I wasn’t listening. I was, at first. I just have a lot going on right now. I always do.

He slow-blinks, catlike, lizardlike, dragonlike, his spring green eyes focusing on me a bit more purposefully. “That humans treat birthdays as occasions to celebrate,” he says, possibly repeating himself, to my sheepish guilt. “They have such short lifespans, yet they are so eager to lose another year each time.”

“Oh.” I clutch my stomach. I feel sick, and not because I ate too much cake. “Well, it’s not that simple. I-”

Deuce and Ace and Grim have started a conga line. I instinctively wince away from the noise, even though they're my best friends and I love seeing them happy, because the whole room is too loud and too close and I really think I might hurl.

“I, um, I’ll be right back.”

I set my paper plate aside and dart - slink - scrabble away from the chaos. I feel an episode coming on, or maybe it’s been playing for a while now, like a show I put on Netflix and left forgotten on autoplay until it asks me if I’m still watching. The brambles of unwanted memories tug at me with sharp fingers.

I wind up in the Diasomnia courtyard. It has benches under trees. It has a fountain. It has fog because of course it does, it’s Diasomnia. I sit on a bench and shut my eyes and grit my teeth against the acid burning through my stomach.

[ ping ]

My phone wants my attention. Normally it’s superglued/surgically attached to my hand, and muscle memory politely shoves me toward checking it, but I can’t look.

[ ping ] [ ping ] [ ping ]

The messages flicker before my eyes as clearly as when I first read them.

[ ping ]

It was weird, I had thought at the time. A couple vague posts from my friends popped up in my feed at random. Eventually I messaged one to find out what happened.

[ ping ] [ ping ]

Overdose, they’d said. Insulin and antidepressants. A month’s supply of hoarded medications. Suddenly the posts made awful sense. Claws gripped my heart and made it hard to breathe.

[ ping ]

“I had almost forgotten that humans can tell lies.”

Malleus’s voice startles me out of my woeful thoughts. “What?” I ask stupidly.

He gazes down at me. His features are shrouded by the dark, but I can see the downward turn of his mouth and feel the intensity of his eyes. He’s concerned. “You said you would be right back.”

I turn away from him and look at the ground. “Sorry,” I mumble. “You wanna sit down?”

He does. His presence warms the air next to me. I want to isolate myself - it’s so easy - but I make myself scoot closer to him so he can at least hold my hand.

“A lot of people hate birthdays,” I blurt out abruptly. “Like, they gripe about getting older, usually.”

My hand curls up tighter. He’s so different from me, all soothing heat and composure and grace to my sharp edges and cold, jittery nightmare of an existence.

“Is that what troubles you?” he asks quietly. His voice helps.

“No.” My voice wobbles, about to fall off the balance beam. This was not how I pictured having this conversation. In fairness, I had hoped it was a conversation I would never need to have. “A couple years ago. Something bad happened.”

Malleus is yet unfamiliar with many a human habit and social convention, but it seems he has learned at least one from me. He lifts one arm and rests it along the back of my shoulders.

My voice goes strangely cold and steady.

“My friend died. Killed herself. She overdosed and had seizures for ten days until they took her off life support the day before my birthday.”

The words linger like the bitter fog of my breath in the air. He says nothing.

“I hate my birthday now. I’m mad at her for doing this to me. I hate myself for being mad at her. I hate it because it could’ve been-”

My voice hitches as if caught on a sharp edge. If I open my mouth to try again, I know I’ll choke on tears.

“It could have been you?”

He poses the question as delicately as the touch of a fallen petal.

I’ve already cried over this so much that I don’t think I can ever cry again. But I’m finding it hard to breathe, the air escaping from my chest in erratic puffs of visible vapor.

[ ping ]

I hated the group chat they’d made. A dozen semi-strangers propping each other up with worthless promises that she would be okay, even though I knew the moment I heard the news that she wouldn’t make it. So many people lamenting how sad it was. So many “my door is always open”s.

“I think I understand.”

Malleus speaks close to my ear. I fall into his embrace as though collapsing under the weight of my words.

“It is not about celebrating the loss of a year,” he says in a soft murmur, “but the completion of one that might have been lost.” He strokes my hair. “As if conquering a great foe in battle.”

“Mhm. Slaying the dragon.”

It’s out of my mouth before I can stop it. But he laughs.

“I should hope not. It is my birthday, after all.”

“Yeah. Sorry I’m making you miss it.”

“All is well.” He leans his head against mine. “I do not believe I am missing anything.”

I want to accept this as a wistful sentiment, but I make myself stand up. “Well, contrary to popular belief,” I say, taking both of his hands in my own, “birthday parties aren’t exclusively for you.” I give a light tug to pull him to his feet, and he rises with the poise of a dancer. “They’re also for your friends to eat cake and play games and be super obnoxious. So you shouldn’t leave them hanging.”

I never thought I would find the lights and crowd noise of a party welcoming, but I welcome it. Malleus keeps a hand around my shoulders - protective, comforting - until he’s certain I’ve recovered enough to stand on my own. I’m not quite up to joining the conga line, but I help myself to another slice of cake and some bonbons and a cup of punch.

“Feeling better?”

Lilia winks into existence next to me.

I’ve given up asking how he did that or when he showed up or anything else to the tune of fact-checking him against reality. “I forget you two can hear a pin drop in the next zip code,” I say as flatly as I can.

He gives a light laugh and pats my head. “I only want to make sure you are well,” he says.

“I think given my track record it’s safe to say that I’ve never been very well, Lilia.”

A strange expression settles over his eyes. Something knowing. Something…aged.

“It is never easy to face a monster in battle,” he says. “No matter your experience, your skills, your preparation- every confrontation is unique.”

I hold eye contact with him and sense I am speaking to a very different man.

“Do you know the meaning of bravery, young one?”

“Something something not being afraid of things?” I offer.

His smile politely declines my suggestion. “Silver made that mistake as well.” Lilia reaches over and taps me on the nose. “To be fearless is not to be brave, child of man. True courage lies in having fear and choosing to fight regardless of it.”

My gaze sweeps back to Malleus. Sebek is losing any composure he might have had due to a smear of frosting marring his lord’s white blazer. I look down at the half-finished cake in front of me. “It never stops, does it?” My voice comes out in a half-whispered croak. “I’ll never win.”

Lilia ruffles my hair. “You won’t know unless you try, young one.” His smirk never wavers, but it looks more genuine. “Besides,” he says with a knowing glance at my band of idiots - Grim balancing precariously atop Ace’s shoulders and trying to place a birthday tiara around Malleus’s horns - “it is hardly as though you are fighting alone.”

[gyutar0ss]

Not anymore

•Tanjiro x male reader

•Genre: Fluff

•Summary: How does Tanjiro react to a reader who used to be a demon but they turned back into a human without knowing.

When Tanjiro first met [Name] he could tell the boy was a demon. At least according to his nose. The truth was [Name] was a demon, but he was a human now.

You see, [Name] was a human, but he still has demon traits. Such as fangs, and demon like eyes. However he could walk in the sun, and he didn’t eat humans.

“I don’t know how to put it, maybe I should ask him?” Tanjiro asked Nezuko, his younger sister giving him a small “Mmphh!” In return. “Yeah, you’re right I should ask him!” Tanjiro said as he quickly got up to go look for the boy.

“But how should I approach him?” Tanjiro asked his younger sister again. Nezuko let out a “Nmmph nmph!” As Tanjiro nodded his head in agreement. “Got it! I’ll be back soon Nezuko!” Tanjiro waved as he left the room.

It didn’t take Tanjiro long to find [Name]. His scent was different, it wasn’t human, but it wasn’t demon. It was somewhere in between.

“Oh Tanjiro! What brings you here?” [Name] smiled as his fangs popping out. This action made Tanjiro a bit flushed. “Oh! I came here to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for a while.” Tanjiro replied back snapping back into reality.

[Name] quickly sat by Tanjiros side, giving the boy his full attention. “What’s wrong?” [Name] said a small pout on his face. “I heard that you were really injured in a battle a few weeks ago. Normally it would take someone a really long time to recover. I heard it only took you one day. Is that true?” Tanjiro asked, his head tilting a bit to the right. [Name] mimicked his movement leaning his head to the left as well.

“Yeah that’s true! Miss Shinobu and the other girls at the estate we’re really impressed!” [Name] smiled, as his eyes lighted up. This new information made Tanjiro even more curious. “Not to insult you, but are you a demon?” Tanjiro asked the boy in the nicest way possible.

[Name] stared at Tanjiro for a while with a blank expression on his face, until the boy calmly said, “I’m not a demon anymore.” This made Tanjiro stare at the boy with a confused expression on his face.

“I don’t quite understand what you mean by not anymore [Name]…” Tanjiro mumbled. [Name] looked at Tanjiro with a smile on his face as he opened his mommy and laughed, “Prepare for a long story Tanjiro!”

“I got transformed into a demon when I was really young! However for some strange reason I turned back into a human. I don’t know the reason for that though!” [Name] explained with a few giggles in between his sentence. “Ohh, that makes a bit more sense!” Tanjiro said as he gave a small smile to [Name].

“I don’t really think you’re a full human though.” Tanjiro mumbled to himself, now comprehending what he just heard. “You’re somewhat right, I still have some demon features. But I could still walk in the sun!” [Name] said, as he nodded his head in agreement.

“If you don’t mind, could you tell me more about when you were a demon!” Tanjiro politely asked, getting a quick nod from [Name]. Tanjiro quickly went to go get his sister, thinking that she’d wanna be friends with [Name]. And he was right!

The three spent a long time talking to one another and getting to know each other even more.

Eventually Nezuko fell asleep, but that didn’t stop [Name] and Tanjiro from talking. They about a lot of stuff. But what interested the two the most was there meetings with the Hashiras.

“When I first met the Hashiras I was so confused and scared!” Tanjiro whined as he remembered his first meeting with the nine demon slayers. “How terrible!” [Name] whispered, while Tanjiro went on with his story.

“When I met them they interrogated me about whether I was a demon or not. One of them even tried to kill me! But it was a fun experience.” [Name] said as he reminisced about his first time meeting the Hashiras.

Eventually the two got tired and decided they should go to bed. “Hey [Name], do you wanna hang out tomorrow?” Tanjiro asked, giving the boy a soft smile.

[Name] looked at Tanjiros face, and started smiling without even realizing. “I’d love to [Name] replied back with a huge grin on his face.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

Life after NDE

Before reading, please see this post. It’s where I first explored the possibility that what we think we know about One for All is unreliable. It also ends with my own guesses about how Katsuki plays into it all. Now, with chapter 404, I can continue where it left off.

There are a lot of different tangents floating around here that I need to bring together for you, so let’s start with what came to light in this newest chapter. There’s a clear emphasis on Toshinori’s vestige form:

but did you catch the slight of hand?

How about now?

As soon as I saw the panels where Shigaraki talks about how the vestige is taking full form, I was practically shouting “OBJECTION” Ace Attorney-style, because they were a complete contradiction to how we were made to understand vestiges in chapter 304 (oh hey look, exactly 100 chapters ago!). Back then, it was suggested to us that Toshinori was special because of his quirklessness, that it allowed him to imprint upon OFA in a way that none of the other previous users could. In contrast, Shigaraki makes it seem like Toshi is no different from the rest. Like oh yeah, this is just how it works, they aren’t fully formed until they die, right? Hello?? No? I thought we were assuming the vestiges didn't have to do with actual souls, apart from Toshi? Given Shigaraki’s own brand of unreliability in his immature frame of mind, I found myself wondering: is he making an assumption, or is he letting slip a secret bit of information about OFA? Idk man, OFA wasn’t even doing this whole vestige thing until like a few months ago, so.

Either way, we can observe the change. As Toshinori’s lifeforce fades, he appears in OFA. I’m left with the simple observation that if he were truly different from the other vestiges because of his quirklessness, it would not have happened this way, since OFA doesn’t have Toshi’s own unique quirk factor to work with, but rather the other way around. You would have expected his vestige to stay the same, or possibly disappear altogether, since it was ostensibly exclusively based on the influence of a living consciousness.

That exception to the rule described in 304 never sat right with me anyway, and I’m not convinced that OFA contains mere memories of its previous users via their quirks just like AFO does. Sure, it’s nice and edgy to imagine that OFA/AFO are more similar than they are different, deep down. But poetic opposites are more interesting to me: AFO isolates by taking, while OFA connects by giving. Previous OFA users give themselves to their successors. One for All was “truly born” not when All for One tossed Yoichi a stolen consolation, but when 2nd extended his hand. There is something distinctly emotional and personal about that. Nana was right—it is kinda romantic.

Because Toshinori kept living, because Izuku has meaningful relationships, that chain of giving linked down through OFA was finally brought to light, like a circuit that’s being closed. At least, that’s how I see it. That’s pretty much what I talked about in my previous post.

Back then I also suggested that this theory of personal connection in some way explains Katsuki apparently having a vestige. Since chapter 403, where Toshinori describes his legacy as being embodied in both Izuku AND Katsuki, I was reminded of how Toshinori was gradually shown this over the course of the manga, as he came to understand Katsuki and his relationship to Izuku, how they are inseparable.

When Toshinori was inspired to pass OFA on to Izuku as he witnessed him trying to save Katsuki, he had no idea the two boys even knew each other. What he saw as a random act of selflessness was in reality a desperate manifestation of a connection that extended beyond memory, of osananajimi. With the eyes of traditional heroism, one could choose to see this as Toshinori’s fatal mistake, that he accidentally chose a successor with a “weakness” of personal attachment, but we all know that heroic isolation isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. No, I think Toshinori made precisely the right choice.

This is going to seem like it’s coming out of nowhere, but bear with me: you know how we still haven’t been told how the first OFA transfer happened? I feel almost silly admitting this, but I think it absolutely had to have been done instinctually, because it’s just too damn specific. As in, they didn’t know what they were doing or what it would accomplish, but they did it anyway. As in. They moved. Without thinking.

Toshinori didn’t fully consciously understand what he was seeing when Izuku ran to Katsuki, but deep within OFA, perhaps he recognized something familiar.

What if, somehow, without knowing it, Toshinori gave One for All to two people? His conviction and intent to give it was inspired by Izuku’s connection to Katuski. Yes, the transfer is inherently physical, but it also relies on mental assertion. Plus, how we think the transfer works may also be an assumption (again, the first time it happened was probably on instinct). Let me break it down even more: Toshi probably thought, as he passed OFA on, “I’m giving it to a successor who has my same balance of heroism—save to win, win to save.” But, in reality, Izuku relies on Katsuki for that balance, as his image of victory. Therefore I think I can argue that their relationship is irrevocably bound within the pact of the OFA transfer. Maybe because Katsuki’s part of OFA is based on emotional connection, once that connection is reciprocated…

…the full extent of that dual transfer is awakened.

I understand I’m making a lot of logical leaps here, but there has to be some sort of explanation for the Katsuki we see at the point of his death, talking to Toshinori’s vestige. I used to think it meant Katsuki had a vestige too. But then why are Katsuki and Toshinori alone, and without Izuku knowing? Moreover, why didn’t Katsuki materialize from the metaphysical mist around Izuku when he died, just as Toshinori did here?

Here comes the other thing I realized in 404. The simplest explanation may be that Katsuki isn’t a vestige at all, but rather he was visiting the OFA interior just as Izuku has done in his sleep or in a coma. Because he’s not a previous user, he’s a current user. The sequence of Toshinori’s NDE (near death experience) in 404, the way it manifested externally around Izuku as something Izuku was aware of, rather than internally within OFA from Toshinori’s point of view, shows me that what happened to Katsuki was different.

A lot of us have been speculating that Katsuki “has access to” OFA in some form or another for quite some time now, but I think the way the idea is suggested in 403/404 is an important distinction because it specifies the mode of connection. To me, it matters that they have two halves of a whole given to each of them, as opposed to, “the chosen one + his sidekick with a little extra OFA boost.” This puts them on equal ground, and it implies that the closer they become, the stronger One for All will be against All for One. It promises that these two idiots who have been toeing around each other and leaving things unspoken for so long will have to really face the facts of their relationship.

One last thing: you might be wondering why the other vestiges apparently haven’t picked up on what’s going on and told Izuku. Well, Yoichi may have felt it? (Where has he been?) But also, Toshinori is the only one directly involved, the only one who realizes his legacy is carried by two. Up until this point his connection to his vestige self has been limited, sort of one-way. For example, he could tell the other vestiges about his research into OFA, but in return he could only faintly pick up on things, and only while Izuku was unconscious.

The time Toshinori spent as a full vestige was brief, but I’m sure it was enough to learn some things about where the shade of himself has been. Even if I’m wrong about everything else, I bet he can give us the answers now.

[charmedreincarnation]

My shift to Bnha

I’ll start with the basics. For starters my reality is a bit different. The legal age is 25, so therefore school duration is longer, and our ages are different. I start UA when I was 19 years old, which made me a year 1 student. my parents are both prominent figures in hero society, and I was an only child to them. I only add this because I think it’s important to acknowledge background information because it shapes your experience and your placement in society, especially in a world filled with heroes everything is ranked and merit based.

UA .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

Contrary to popular belief, at least in my reality school is very much emphasized and just as important as hero work. For me a typical day looked like, getting up at 7:45 to prepare for classes that started at 8:30 and ending at 5. We do have a one hour lunch break, and a specific period to work on our specific quirks alone any way we see fit. A lot of people do use that time to slack off and hang out with friends, but they’ve recently become very strict about it. Credits to to Tenya Ida for informing the board of what people were really doing ! A lot of people were mad but honestly I am a teachers pet in this reality so I kind of appreciated it.

I can’t speak for the other classes, maybe it’s because of everything we went to, but we are not a class we are genuinely family. I am closest to Izuku, Sui, Ochacho, Mina, Todoroki and MoMo! Not in any particular order. I’m not going to talk about everyone but here are some of the reasons I love them <3

•Mina is just as extroverted quirky and bubbly as you would expect. Shes one of those people you meet and you can’t help but adore because they energy is so welcoming and they’re so loving. She’s kind of a prankster and a rumor starter and I find it hilarious. You can’t keep anything from her, though but once she has a narrative she has narrowed upon, you have a better chance of changing the devils mind.

For example i talked about this in a different post, but she started a rumour that bakugo is in love with izuku and that’s why he’s mad all the time. It got back to bakugo and he threatened to turn the cafeteria into a live bake oven. It’s honestly hilarious how she can make a whole room laugh. Or make anyone mad.. I guess it’s a talent regardless.

•Sui is the sweetest girl ever. She kind of keeps to herself but she’s honest and what you see is what you get. She’s also kind of emotional and I am kind of a cry baby too there so we get each other. We really just want to do our best and see everyone succeed. I would say both of us made friendships are bigger priority than hero training and we have both been called out for it too.

•Ochacho is very similar to Mina but she can also get down to business when she needs to. Everyone loves her, and her powers are super helpful in any situation, like for sneaking out quietly… but I wouldn’t know anything about that. I vividly remember having a conversation about our hero progress and she’s deeply insecure. She grew up impoverished and Monterey compensation is one of the reasons that really encouraged her to be a hero. I remember one time she was telling me how impressive I was during the first few weeks of school because I had a better handle on my quirk than her. She said something of how I was meant to be a hero. It made me sad because I admired her will and determination more than anyone. I had so many factors that put me ahead in some of my peers. My mother is a pro hero and I went to a profound middle school that molded me to be ready. I told her she was born to be a hero and I was made to be a hero. I was being honest and I didn’t think it meant anything but she always reminds me of how she thinks about that anytime she’s in a situation where she needs help. Nothing made me happier

•Momo and my quirks are very similar. My quirk is called clairvoyance somnium, and my hero name is dreamer. Kind of what she can do but I visualize whatever I need. I can also do more things that I won’t get into but a lot of it, I was inspired by my shifting methods ! Anyways she’s the sweetest and we live pretty close to each other so I’ve seen her around for a while. She’s honestly very gorgeous and we both struggle with insecurities and anxiety, so she really is someone I relate and rely on. Maybe it’s because our quirks or so similar or we have similar backgrounds and personalities but… she’s probably the person I am closest with! But I really do love everyone equally

Bakugo .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

Ok lots of people ask about him so let’s go.

Yes he’s so loud and always angry. You know I thought i would be scared of him but I honestly even I even give him snarky remarks sometimes (in a nice way because I am so nice in this dr) but wow he is the loudest person I’ve ever met in any dr but his powers are amazing we all respect it

Contrary to popular belief..no one is scared of him. As angry, loud and aggressive as he is he has proven time and time again all he wants to do is be a hero. Honestly it surprised some of us but everyone knows he has kind of good intentions under his wrath ??

He also makes everything a competition and he’s actually good at eveything. He’s good at school I’m pretty sure he placed after me in mid terms ! I got third and he got fourth. He’s a great cook and baker. We had a baking competition and he placed after sato. We made ramen and he made the best ramen ! Like he’s not as dumb as he looks. He’s also in a one sided competition with Todoroki but as we have all noticed he doesn’t give a fuck.

Powers .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

This may be egotistical but I could not imagine not being a hero in a world with 80% hero. Don’t let the league of villains hear this it will fuel their fire. 🥲 in all seriousness we are lectured that we are not better than anyone, and we are simply stronger than other people and that is it so we shouldn’t let it conflate our egos. The only way we would be given the green flag to pat our own backs is when are abilities begin to save millions of lives. But then I guess if we’re only being heroes to look good then would that really make us heroes. At least that’s what I wrote about in my English essay. Present mic did in fact eat it up, I got an amazing grade on it. But that’s not the point. The point is it’s easy to get a big head but we were simply genetically lucky, not better, smarter, etc.

Now that philosophy is behind us, having powers is so cool and coming back here the limits of other realities having no bounds never fails to amaze me. Our quirks are an extension of ourselves and literally are us. It’s not second nature, it’s first nature after having these abilities for so long. Especially my quirk, if I wanted I could “dream” 500 million yen, and well I wouldn’t be able to put it in the bank but I digress. Finding out what your quirk can do and how far your cbs push your limits always allows us to be going through moments of self discovery. Having a quirk is honestly it’s own life alone, and I genuinely could not be happier.

My favorite classes .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

As a student in this incredible universe, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to pursue many amazing topics of study.

One class I took was Hero Studies, where we learned about the many different hero theories and methods of justice, as well as what it takes to become an effective hero. We also discussed the history of the hero world and its evolution throughout the years. It was a fascinating subject and definitely one of my favorites!

The next class I took was Quirk Studies. Here we learned all about quirks, their effects on people and how they can be used to help protect civilians and stop villains. We even discussed how to best work with a partner with a different quirk, and how to combine two quirks to create a unique and powerful attack.

Finally, I also took a class called Combat Training. This class taught us all about combat techniques and how to use the environment and our natural abilities in order to survive any situation. We learned how to effectively dodge and block attacks, as well as how to use our quirks to create powerful attacks.

We of course also had the general classes of math, English, science, math, and music

The classes at UA High were some of the most interesting classes I have ever taken and I am so grateful for having the opportunity to explore them. Not only did I learn a lot about the world of My Hero Academia, but I also grew as a person and as a hero.

Random funny story .⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.

I’m going to tell you one of the funniest most embarrassing things that happened during the UA sports festive. This happened during the third event, when we were in teaams.

I was with Izuku, mei, Ochako, and fumikage. Everyone is trying to steal the headband from us because Izuku has all the points ! Everyone was targeting us and it was so unfair. during the last few seconds I started running to dream us a tower so we can hide and to grow into to the skies. Then someone came so they threw me the headband and i I was waiting for them but then they got attacked and they told me just go without them !?? I was literally shaking and my anxiety was at an all time high time so I quirked my tower or whatever and made it grow and then the time ran out! I had the headband and we thought we won and we were cheering but umm no. I was the only winner technically because I wasn’t with my team. BUT because that took away FROM the point of the team work part I was deducted points from my own Individual points because that wasn’t the point of the challenge. Honestly you win some you lose some. It was a fun experience regardless.

Also honestly i shifted here around the time of the World Cup, which I could not care less about, but I get the hype of sports witnessing Izuku’s fight against Shinso (manipulation guy.) it was so awesome !!! I was at the edge of my seat the entire time!!! So I guess Now I understand how some people feel about sports lol. By the end of the festival, I got third place overall and my mom was so proud of me. It was the honestly a great feeling.

Random dump with no correlation

my mother (Uwabami’s) Quirk gives her a trio of live snakes growing from her head. One of the snakes have acute senses, allowing her to locate hidden criminals and disaster victims.one snakes also has a scent that can make her victims mindless slaves, one snake produces poison and attacks her victims.

my father who also attended UA with my mom has Squirmy Fingers (can precisely bend and control his fingers, giving him great dexterity) As well as a High Scientific knowledge Skills IQ in engineering. I found this interesting because usually children are a combination of their parents quirks or either or, and mine has nothing to do with either lol.

Todoroki’s pretty smart though he places after Bakugou in the mid terms. he also loves to read ! He’s also politically educated and actually had profound knowledge on the history of heroes and how and why he believe hero’s and villains came to be so.. surprisingly he is more philosophical than I would think. He doesn’t really talk about it or bring it up because if you have a good conversation with him and get him to open up it is always worth.

Food

Tbh to no surprise the food options were eclectic and varied. There was something for everyone! I had everything from traditional Japanese dishes such as ramen and sushi, to western and American-style dishes like pizza and burgers. I even had access to a variety of international cuisines like Indian, Chinese, and Korean.

One of my favorite places to get a good meal was the school cafeteria. Every day it was full of delicious options, from freshly-cooked dishes to the convenience of pre-packaged items. There were also lots of drinks and snacks available. On certain days, the cafeteria also served special meals such as curry or tonkatsu.

If I was looking for something a bit more fast-paced, there were several food stalls and restaurants around town. I could find an assortment of things like ramen, takoyaki, and okonomiyaki. There were also locations that offered more unique dishes such as Japanese-style hamburgers or omurice (Omelette Rice).

Although I often ate at restaurants, I also cooked meals in my dorm room. I could make simple dishes with ingredients from the local grocery store, like fried rice, or make something more complicated with ingredients from the nearby specialty grocery store. I even tried my hand (well with sato as well) at making dango, the traditional Japanese dessert.

Tbh No matter what type of food I was looking for, UA had it though. With all of the different options available, there was something to satisfy whatever cravings I had.

I also write and speak in English so don’t ask any language questions because I do not know

[mamayan]

Hi there, how are u? It's me, anon 🌲. Do you write specific scenarios? Like, someday, the crush of Shigaraki/Dabi/Spinner is on LOV hideout and Muscular starts flirting with her (but she was visibly bothered) and when she tries to leave, Muscular pulls her into a forced kiss and after that she shows disgust and finally manages to physically leave. I wonder how they would react. (Btw, I really like your writing, thanks for accepting my other request).

Hello Anon 🌲, hope you’re doing well 💕 I absolutely will do a specific scenario! I’m feeling mini blurbs right now, so we’ll go with that!

Warnings: NONE!

Tag list: @sharpcheddarcheese

Shigaraki Tomura

He was originally not mindful of Muscular’s behavior, the villain familiar with the other’s straight forward and albeit different way of interacting with others. He knew you could handle yourself, confident that Muscular wouldn’t be trying to start any fights and ruin their hideout or something ridiculous.

He didn’t account for other intentions though. Truly not even fathoming that Muscular was trying to seduce you.

You. His.

Your back was to him across the bar, Muscular’s towering form standing in front of you with his arms crossed and smirk on his sharp features. Tomura mindlessly acknowledged his interaction with you, looking up from his switch momentarily to take in your pretty form from behind in. Never mind how his gaze dropped to your ass, he was just checking on you.

His gaze returned to his switch, focusing again on his game as the news played on low, mingling with the noises the other members made to create the perfect white noise for him to focus.

It wasn’t until your voice slightly raised that his eyes snapped up again, finding your form attempting to step back, stopped by a massive hand on your bicep. It’s quick, he hardly has time to stand up before you’re being pulled forcibly into and up towards Muscular, his hulking form overshadowing you and your yelp muffled by his lips.

Time seemed to freeze for him.

Except his body was moving faster than his mind, his hand raised, all five fingers ready to dust this mother fucker-

“Shigaraki-sama!” It’s Kurogiri which saves Muscular’s life.

He’s pulled back to reality as Kurogiri teleports Muscular away from his raised hand, his loyal but stupid underling standing protectively in front of you, as if he’d ever hurt you.

“Move” he ordered.

“Shigaraki-sama, please think—”

“I said move!” While Kurogiri certainly wanted only the best for him, he still dutifully stepped aside, at least comforted by Tomura’s more calm demeanor now. It’d certainly been a while since Tomura had any outbursts of rage or immaturity, so he was given the benefit of the doubt.

You’d tripped over a chair in your panic, the shock of Muscular’s forceful assault, Kurogiri pushing you back, and your boss now towering over you so menacingly you wondered if you were going to be killed for insulting him somehow.

Except he holds out his left hand, a half glove covering his pinky offered and not his fully uncovered hand.

Tomura is quiet, face impassive as you take the offered hand and he, surprisingly gently, helps you up.

“Boss…” your cautious tone and weary eyes have his chest constricting painfully, but he’s still infused with rage and no real outlet. The hand which helped you up is quick to grab your jaw and force you forward, shock keeping you pliant and not fighting out of his hold, and fear he’ll use his other hand to make you obedient.

“See her, Muscular?” His ruby gaze, framed by dark circles and his messy bangs, stare straight at the blonde who had been moved across the room. The man looked a bit manic, grinning and crouched as if ready to fight.

“Let me catch or hear you approach her again for anything not mission related…” his face turns nasty, gripping your face a little tighter despite the way you trembled in his hold, “I’ll fucking send you to hell.” His smile is grotesque, filled with nearly unrestrained malice and rage.

You’re manhandled out of the bar, dragged by Tomura towards his room. You aren’t really given a confession, but it’s not hard to put the pieces together to know he was jealous.

Dabi

Like a cat to a mouse, Dabi is always tracking your movement and actions whether you’re aware of it or not. He’s not overtly obvious most of the time, but occasionally he likes to make you uncomfortable with his proximity and wicked gaze.

It’s actually quite difficult for Muscular to approach you at all. Dabi’s ability to manipulate the room and his areas of contact incredibly well. Normally, you’re in the company of Toga or Magne, or within his near grasp. He’s not easy to slip past, nor is Toga or Magne, but today you’d returned from a successful intel collection early and were reporting to Shigaraki. Even Dabi can’t control some things, much to his displeasure, so there you were… unattended.

Ironic for a villain like you.

It left you wide open for Muscular’s approach, Dabi not present yet, as the enormous blonde villain pitched his shot.

Unsurprisingly, you aren’t impressed. Visibly recoiling at his attempt to further invade your space, and spiking your irritation. Rules are rules though, and quarreling amongst each other is frowned upon, especially within the hideout. So, like a reasonable adult, you try to remove yourself from the situation. Not that it works, Muscular clearly unfazed by your rejection and repulsion towards him. His meaty palm and fingers digging into the fabric of your top and yanking you towards him violently, his eyes wild with disdain and humor as his lips connect with yours, teeth clashing painfully as you bite your tongue and blood fills your mouth.

Dabi chooses that moment to stroll in, hands stuffed in his pockets, posture relaxed as he surveys the room upon entry.

Just to see Muscular’s piece of shit actions and set him off.

Rules are damned before this man, crusty face could whine all he wants, as a hot iron fist connects swiftly across Muscular’s face. Skin and tendon are charred, Muscular’s quirk in overdrive to protect the bones in his face from shattering. It sends Muscular a few steps away from you as he catches his balance and looks up in surprise at Dabi’s blatant display of hostility. Despite Dabi’s full toothed grin on display, his eyes were taunting as his flames licked away at his purple skin.

Dabi’s free hand easily wraps around your waist, a steel bar more than anything to keep you where he wants you and not scampering away like you enjoy doing. Keep the peace and all that, despite this shit hole being a gang of villains.

“Hey fuck face, did you lose something?” His teasing could easily be misinterpreted as his usual display of disrespectful playfulness, but his tone gave away his inner fury. Someone touched his toy. That’s all the reason he needs to light someone up.

Muscular chuckles, aware of Dabi’s blatant display of childish possessiveness over you, enjoying riling up his powerful ally.

“No, I don’t think did.” His booming laugh only has Dabi’s staples pulling at his skin painfully, his grin too wide to be anything but a display of aggression.

“Ah, then you must want to lose something!” His attitude of eliminate the irritant clearly shared, but both men are disrupted by Kurogiri’s appearance.

“Need I remind you gentleman of the rules?” Despite being unable to see his expression, it’s not hard to guess that the smokey villain is displeased. Shigaraki not too far away focused on the scene, but quite and observant for now.

“Pussy” Dabi chuckles, still smiling but unmoving until Muscular finally throws his hands up playfully, making a show of leaving despite his eyes saying otherwise. Even with the big man gone, Dabi’s grip on you doesn’t loosen, if anything it becomes tighter.

“Dabi…?” Your curious question finally brings that dangerous gaze over to you. He looks pissed even smiling. Were you really so damn stupid? He’d thought you smarter than this.

“What’s wrong doll? Upset I sent your boyfriend away?” He’s baiting you, it’s obvious he is, but it could spell bad news if you aren’t careful in answering. Thankfully, you’re at least semi-versed in dealing with the flame wielding psychopath.

“Thank you” wise words, appealing to his ego and not taking the bait either.

He sneers, finally dropping the false smile and showing a hint of his true displeasure. “Next time, I’m incinerating the doped up piece of shit.” He’s leading you out of the bar now, hand still around your waist like a vice and keeping you close. He’s visibly calmer with you in his grasp, his movements dragging you into a hallway not often used by other members.

You’re rudely pressed up against the wall, Dabi’s frame caging you in as he looks at you with those eyes so similar to his flames. Blue but radiating a dangerous heat.

“Now, how are you going to repay me for cleaning these lips he sullied?” His question can’t be answered, not when he’s smashing his own lips passionately against your own. A possessive grip around your throat a reminder to who you belong to.

Spinner

He’s in the middle of playing video games with the boss when it happens, Muscular’s unwanted advances and kiss.

It leaves him reeling, as he looks up just in time to see the massive blonde smash his lips to yours, your hands pressed against the man’s chest to try and push him off. It’s all Spinner really needs to confirm it’s not welcome, and inwardly he’s grateful it isn’t welcome. He’s on Muscular in an instant, enraged at the display of aggression and assault of your lips as a member of the League. He might not have been as angry had it been Toga or some one else, but it was you and he hadn’t even been able to confess yet, let alone be turned down.

Muscular easily dodges, his movements taking him away from your figure as you remove yourself from the scene, viciously wiping your lips in disgust.

It doesn’t get past Spinner’s eyes, his mask not hiding the way they narrowed at Muscular in rage. Spinner’s scales itched at the way Muscular was looking at you.

“Hey asshole! You tryin’ to pick’a fight with me?” He’s crouched and ready to knock the shit out of Muscular, who also doesn’t back down, grinning.

“I don’t see how it’s your business kid.”

That was the wrong thing to say, especially because it was said in front of you. Spinner has no hard feelings towards Muscular normally, but the blatant disrespect for you and himself wasn’t going to slide.

“You’re wrong if you think I ain’t gonna kick your ass—”

“I’d like to see it! Show me some blood kid!”

“OUT!” Spinner and Muscular are gone in the blink of an eye. Kicked from the hideout to prevent any damage or drawn attention. Kurogiri briefly muttering lowly about immaturity and such, before moving back to his earlier position behind the bar. Shigaraki remained impassive, though mildly irritated. His red eyes looked at you, as if you intentionally caused this mess.

You rolled your eyes, shrugging as if it couldn’t be helped, but you were inwardly concerned for Spinner.

Your worries were for naught. He was back in less than an hour, drenched and complaining about a fountain which was his landing spot. Muscular did not return, but you couldn’t help the smile of gratitude you sent Spinner’s way. If the the masked villain could blush, he would’ve, but it wasn’t hard to tell he was flustered by the way he slightly panicked under your stare. It only made your smile grow founder, his antics cute despite the rough attitude he adopted.

You corner him later in the evening before he leaves for the night, blocking his path in the empty hallway with arms spread… because he has escaped before by sliding past you. You wouldn’t be shocked if he pulled more moves out of his pocket to evade you, but thankfully he’s too shocked by the encounter to properly dodge your attack.

He’s pinned now, to the wall, your arms on either side of him. A full kabedon.

“W-what are you playin’ at?!” He looks mildly horrified, eyes visibly wider as he so gently goes to move you back, hands appropriately on your shoulders. You don’t budge, because he’s using enough force to push a feather and it’s not hardly enough to constitute him wanting away from you. In fact, inwardly he’s melting, because you’re so willingly close to him right now. He’s not sure if you’re here to threaten him though, because he did butt into your business which you could’ve handled on your own. He didn’t think you were weak by any means! Nor was he trying to say with his actions you couldn’t do an even better job of kicking Muscular’s ass than him! Because you could!

He can’t sweat, but if he could, he’d be even more drenched than he was by the fountain. Nervous and awaiting your berating of his actions.

It doesn’t come.

Instead, Spinner is shocked senseless by something soft pressing against him, and so warm too. You. You were pressing up against him, and he was ready to shake right out of his skin! His brain short circuits, unable to lift a single claw to stop your soft lips from pressing against the side of his face, a cheek kiss!

“Thanks, but next time let me get in trouble, we gotta split it up evenly ya know?” Your sweet giggle and scent already had him in heaven, but your reasoning to split up the trouble was even more heart melting. Like partners in crime?!

His imagination is left to run wild, his body still frozen in place against the wall even as you leave.

Did the kiss mean you like him too or…?

[frostytherobot]

Alright. Because I’m thinking about Creep as a film series because they just announced more Creep in the form of THE CREEP TAPES (I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG… it’s not a movie but a TV SHOW!!!) I’m just gonna ramble a little bit about why those movies are so important to me.

First, though:

^ That’s my Creep tattoo. I got it over a year ago and show it off whenever I can.

So, onward.

I watched the first Creep movie for the first time during quarantine lockdown. It was like March of 2021? (Hold on, let me link the episode of my podcast for that.) (Yup. Don’t mind my pre-T voice.) That was like one of the loneliest times of my life. You know how it was, you were there, too. Fucking. Awful. I felt like there was just this bubble of sadness around me and nobody could get through to me. Sure, I had friends I could talk to over the internet, but that can only get you so far. Especially when they have their own lives and you can’t see them face to face.

One night, my two best college buddies and I decided we should watch it for our podcast. That was the one thing we could do that we could talk to each other consistently with, so we went for it. And, fuck. You can hear in that episode how freaked out that movie made us! We talk about human behaviors and the compulsion to kill and where that stems from, the relationship between politeness and gender roles, and lot of other related topics in that episode. It’s a smart film that knows how to suck you into the reality; you see these two men up close and personal, their odd behaviors, and the found footage formatting and intimate setting make you feel as though you are there witnessing all of this with them. As them. Those awkward moments make you cringe; watching Josef admit to stalking Aaron, catching Josef on the lies, tubby time. Oh, god, tubby time.

And then there was the ending. The moment where the camera is left in the car, you’re left in the car, and you just have to watch as Josef puts on the Peachfuzz wolf mask, flourishes his jacket, and buries that axe into Aaron’s head. The shot is static. It’s matter-of-fact, and that’s why it’s so horrifying. He’s dead. You followed this shy, awkward guy on his journey getting to know an oddball all the way to the lake, and he’s dead now. And then, the murderous oddball looks directly into the camera, and while he says Aaron’s name, he’s looking at you as he says, “That is why I love you. And that is why you will always be my favorite. Of them all.” Like he was thanking you for witnessing this event.

I felt like there was someone behind me for hours afterward. Josef had somehow gotten into my home. And that’s how it started.

Months later, we watched the second one. (Episode link here.) Of course we loved it. I loved it. It wasn’t as scary as the first one, but the intimacy and emotional connection was still there. That feeling of watching two people through their own eyes was still there. Only this time, they were trying to out-weird each other, or at least come together on a level they could both understand. The thing is, they were still misunderstanding each other. Sara is only comfortable with Josef’s Aaron’s freakiness because she thought he was lying to her when he wasn’t. The moment she starts to take it seriously is when she decides to leave, and that’s when Josef Aaron pulls out the lies and the deceit to bring her back in. And when she comes back in, that’s when she starts being genuine, letting her guard down, and that’s when she gets into trouble. She starts to believe in the watered-down version of Josef Aaron, seeing the front of softness as a vulnerability in him, and to a point, it is. But she totally disregards everything else that has happened during this day as some kind of ruse, when she should have kept those moments in mind. He’s still a killer, and dangerous, even if he plays it like he isn’t.

Sara ultimately pays the price for entertaining his whims. I guess Aaron did, too, but in a different way. While Aaron died and became a part of Josef, Sara now cannot get rid of him. He tries to kill her, and she runs, refusing his gift of death and absorption into himself, but now he follows her. She’s literally moved on, but like a ghost or a bad dog with attachment issues, he still follows her. He gave her his heart, after all.

And then I got to putting two and two together on why exactly all of this was appallingly appealing to me. I was alone. I was drifting further into this state of paradoxical nothing-pain. And suddenly, I was being welcomed into a dynamic in which I was wanted. It was an obsessive want, but I was wanted. He got me. They all did. Josef, Aaron, Sara. Suddenly I’m seeing aspects of my loneliness on screen. The slow reveal of the odd personality traits, the waiting to see the reaction. Pulling those traits back in when they’re not met with the tolerance I wish was there. The staying when I feel so uncomfortable because I want to understand. Upping the ante in an act of bonding. Feeling like I’ve found someone who’s on my wavelength, only to find they weren’t as okay with the whole me as I thought. The sudden urge to end it all. To kill the relationships. Move on, knowing they were dead, but I could still have the memories. They were getting distant. I could do it, you know. Just end it all right then.

Of course, I didn’t do that. But I felt it. I felt it a lot during that time.

I’ve not been super mentally healthy over my time being alive. I’ve been hospitalized for it. Not a fun experience, by the way. But that was another aspect that just drew me closer to Peachfuzz. He’s funny, and weird, and unstable. Always lying to appeal to the people around him because he wants them to stay, for sincere and sinister reasons. He’s terrible and lonely. I was terrible and lonely.

And there it was. Crystal clear. Los aguas milagros de corazón. I was taking comfort in a manifestation of something dark that I saw in myself. A mischievous, funny, isolated, totally fucked-in-the-head, murderous darkness. I wasn’t alone in that room anymore, and yeah, perhaps my company should’ve been something not so, well, creepy, but I thanked him for being there. I could put a face with the feeling, and the nothing-pain started going away.

He’s a friend of mine now. And I love him a lot.

[vamptarot]

Get To Know Your Reader

— ⭑.ᐟ this post will detail information about me and about my journey with tarot, and it is made with an effort to create a bond with my followers that relies on trust.

Hi sweet little darling, thank you for reading this post and being interested in me and my journey. While I do not enjoy talking about myself too much, I never enjoyed being cold towards people I interact with, could possibly friends with or form any sort of connection with.. so with that in mind, I wanted to make a post in which you get to know who is doing your readings for you, with the utmost friendly manner possible.

To start off, you probably must have read my pinned already in which you get to learn that my screen name is Rory, and that I am a 03 liner! What’s not there though, is that I am genderfluid and prefer he/him pronouns, but I really don’t care if you use different ones for me. At the end of the day, no one will die from it.

I love tarot, but I am interested in anything that is spiritual. The world is full of wonderful things, and I want to explore what’s real and what’s not. [Okay, Dipper Pines.]

I, for one, believe in God, Jesus, Mary and so on.. However I am not Christian. It’s not a community I am proud of, neither do I have enough hate in my heart to be called one. Although, I did use to be one, until I have seen parts of the community I will never be proud of. Though, that is a story for another time, as I don’t want to go on a vent about it on this post. I also admire the teachings of buddhism, although I am not one either. As Thich Nhat Hanh once said, ‘you don’t have to convert to buddhism in order to respect it’s teachings. just apply it to whatever you are right now.’, or you know, something like that. It’s what I try to keep myself to, so I can have a peaceful heart.

Aside from that I believe that the only limit to spirituality is the lock that you put on your mind. If you don’t believe in it, why would you experience it? You are the universe, if you don’t believe in it you sure as hell won’t see it.. So therefore, I do my best to be open minded and believe in as much things as possible. I will never miss out, unless I wish to 🙂‍↕️

Unfortunately that mentality has led me to quite a few encounters with spirits, pretty sure demons a few times, but at the end of the day I survived so it was fun.

I believe in all the Gods and Goddesses, manifestation (I am amazing at this btw), clair-gifts, reality jumping/shifting, astral projection, witchcraft and so on.. name it, I probably believe in it.

Although, I was cursed with a rational mind.. for the spiritual, I am too rational.. for the non believers I am too in the clouds. Is there a way to win? Well, as long as I am having fun and living well who cares. That’s sorta my motto.

Anyway, one thing you don’t know yet about me though is that I have the most common sun sign on planet earth, which is Virgo, with the second most common sign on earth having a strong influence on my chart.. which is Leo! So you already know I am meant to be a hard working star, that stays in the sky for millions of years, making people look at it with awe. 🙂‍↕️

Some people call that egoistic, I call it having confidence. My only enemy is my speech disability... BUT HE IS LOSING !!! 🗣️

Jokes aside, I have made this blog for important reasons. Important to me, at least. First and foremost, of course I want to have better finances, save up for important things and feel a bit more free. I want to achieve this through hard work. That is my most selfish reason for it, and it’s not something I feel bad about.. everybody has the right to live, and that includes me!

As for my other reasons, that all has to do with things I dislike about the community and which I want to change. Not everything about it, but make little steps towards a brighter future.

This is where I will vent, as the things I will mention are important to my journey towards creating this blog. I am a pretty passionate speaker, and as you can tell I talk a lot. So if that’s something you don’t enjoy.. well prepare mentally or click of the post beautiful, those probably won’t change about me. I don’t mean this from an ill place of my heart, but don’t you think you have the right to know?

Anyway, one of my main reasons for starting this blog is due to how judgmental some tarot readers are. I am of course, not speaking about those who have boundaries, I believe everybody should have them in a healthy manner.

I am speaking about those tarot readers that belittle you over your differences, that say that you can ask any question because they will answer each one but purposefully delete yours while answering everyone else then lie to your face about it, those who immediately rule you out as a bad person as soon as you speak your mind because they cannot handle anything about this community that’s outside their fantasy bubble, that give you inaccurate readings because they are judgmental of your lifestyle and their mentality effects the result of cards, those who don’t hear you out on your experience and rule it out as something else despite claiming they are open minded, the ones that are fake kind to you but judge the kind of reading you buy… as if you cannot tell that their energy is off.

I know hate is a strong word, but I hate the behaviour of those sort of people. Not the people themselves, I don’t know them, but the behaviour is so displeasing in my eyes. [Personally, I don’t feel sorry for saying this, if the shoe doesn’t fit you, don’t wear it.]

That is why I want to create a blog that is a safe space, a judgement free zone.

To be honest with you my dear, I am not the most open minded on this planet despite being a diverse person. I prefer to dress modestly, hook up culture was never for me and never will be for me, I don’t get the appeal of smoking, vape, drinks or drugs. Matter of fact, if you do drugs, even if it’s “just” weed I will assume that you are going through it. One thing I am never going to do is judge you though. As long as you are not irresponsible with it, it should be fine. Watch out for your health and for those around you.. That’s what I think the key is, having manners. Like sure, you will make mistakes along the way but it won’t stain your heart. Besides, who doesn’t make mistakes? I for sure have made mistakes before, as I am a human. What right do I have to judge you so harshly? None.

I am not God, I am just me.

That is why I never want to become someone that makes you feel unsafe and judged even if I have my own opinions. What’s the point of being a spiritual healer if you, yourself inflict pain on others? It might be small, but pain is pain and everyone carries it within their heart differently. What doesn’t matter to me, could move mountains for you.

That is the reason why I also didn’t start posting here until I have healed from my past hurts. Maybe not for you, but to me my current personality is very bubbly and much different from who I used to be. Which, although makes me a feel a bit unusual, I am glad about! I now have more strength to be kind and accepting of people.

I am aware this doesn’t really sound convincing, and some followers of mine could be anxious of how they are perceived.. Which is valid, but what if you are different from me? So what? There are many people who I love dearly despite them not sharing my beliefs or life style.

Matter of fact, let me tell you about a few examples where I have done readings for people that were majorly different from me.

The very first one is about a friend of mine.. she is someone with very interesting kinks. I will not be writing them out, because it makes my stomach turn and I don’t want you to read that. However, one day she asked me if the person she is in a situationship with is into the same.. gore related stuff as her. You know what? That honestly shocked me, I needed like half an hour to calm down and do her reading, which luckily ended up being ‘a no, but willing to try out other things’ sorta answer. A few months later she told me I ended up being right.. Proud of my intuition, and a few days later I could just accept that some people are into that. Do I get it? Nah, but as long as both parties consent, who cares. [I wanna state no one got hurt during this, they are just kinky mfs 🫡]

Or, let me tell you about another friend of mine who happens to be an online friend! She was going to a concert of an artist she likes and told me she will be giving the guy her number. To be honest with you, I wasn’t clear of her intentions I just knew it wasn’t malicious. Like any person, I reacted out of surprise, ‘okay, yeah, sure’.. because when would you have the time to do that during a concert? But being the kind of friend that I am still did a yes or no reading for her upon her request. To my surprise the lovers fell out with the star.. I was like, that cannot be right.. So I shuffled another three times. The same cards kept on falling out… Which actually made me mad, she thought I was lying! After that, we didn’t speak for a few days. Until the day of the concert! Where she told me she was successful! Now I accused her of lying, lmao. Then she sent me a picture of them hugging as proof, and you know what? I was actually excited for her, like go girl. I do not know if she got to sign an NDA that day or not, but I have enough common sense to finish the story here 🫡 [for my obsessive little princesses and princes that worry that was their celebrity crush.. it wasn’t, this about, is at that time, in his mid 30s white man. for those into that, not the jones brothers bby. my friend is also his age, so don’t worry about it. I do not intend ‘princess’ and ‘prince’ as mocking, they are nicknames I like! I also call my friends these]

I have also done readings about how xyz will die, messages from Gods, past life readings, why is __ acting weird, reading about cults.. lot of diverse things.

Either way, I have strayed away from the point a bit which I don’t want to further do…The point is, I never want to be the sort of person that makes you feel belittled. So even if your reading is not my style, as long as it doesn’t affect your or anybody’s health in a bad manner, I will happily do it. Even if you or other people think it’s weird!

After all I am a weirdo too, lol. I believe we all are in somebody’s eyes. What’s normal for me, can be weird for you and vise versa. That’s why I just decided to be unapologetically myself on this blog! And if you decide to do the same, I am proud of you.

My goal when making readings for people is to let them know they are safe, understood, respected and will get the best that they can get from me.

As in, I will always try to make my readings good and accurate. Since I talk a lot, I will make every reading long by default, and I will never do them when exhausted, stressed or overwhelmed in order to make sure that they actually do resonate. I have a lot of passion for this, so my ultimate goal is to be sincere and hardworking since tarot is something I take seriously.

Since there are people who use AI to do readings, I will work twice as hard to show that it will never be as good as when someone actually cares for the person the reading is for. I know they think nobody notices, but I do. And I will create a better environment for people in the community out of pure spite!

So, even if it will take a while to do that.. take a seat! I will be here, doing my best.

I do sincerely wish that you will find me a refreshing person, and a good reader! Well, I know I am good, I have been doing this since I am 8 years old, practicing it every week! But, if our bond can become stronger through readings that’s always good! I am happy to be reading for any of you.

If you still don’t like me after this.. that’s completely okay! You are not obligated to. Maybe in a few months, or years I won’t like the person I am today either! Maybe my humour will change, or I will find myself egoistic, or perhaps too bubbly and annoying. Who knows! For now, this is the person that I am, and if you don’t like it, that’s okay! I hope you will find a reader that you can connect and click with like it’s meant to be. I think everyone deserves that! 🫶🏻💓

If you have made it this far… are you not exhausted reading this much? Have a drink, and a snack if you want! Take a break if you have been scrolling on tumblr for long. Or don’t, it’s up to you what you do with your time 🫡

Thank you for reading, I sincerely appreciate you from the bottom of my heart with each passing day where the sun rises and falls.

[thesirencult]

Astrological Predictions I Wrote Down Last Year Which Are Still Relevant- and will continue to be!

Note: I'm not here to spread fear and anxiety. Bad aspects do not exist. Our lives and the way the Art Of Astrology is expressed in our reality is a mix of different colours and vibrations. These predictions have been made with my own personal way of interpretation so please don't ask how I came up with some things. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to see the "mechanics" and "practical details" behind the predictions, simply read them and see if intuitively you vibe with them. Keep in mind these are written in a "personal notes" style so it is a tiny bit chaotic!

A year ago I did not post any content about astrology and tarot online, at least at this scale. Posting these personal observations is not a way fro me to "toot-my-own-horn". I'm actually quite skeptical about Astrology's capacity to "predict" but right now, looking at those notes it is apparent that most of those things have already manifested or are beginning to take form in our physical reality.

Enjoy and let me know what your thoughts are about what's coming.

2023 MAJOR ASPECTS

Pluto In Aquarius (23/3/2023, 3 months and then again in 2024): 20 year cycle, society, tech, consciousness, innovation on STEROIDS, last time 795,819, 1781 -> discovery of uranus, islamic/arab domination in north africa, fall and rise of dynasties in europe (foundations of europe as we know it now, al-Khwarizmi founded the field of algebra

Saturn In Pisces (7/3/2023, 26 february, may 2 2026): structuring the "unstructureable"

Jupiter In Taurus (16/5/2023-25/5/2024): wisdom of nature, stay ready/still, green

17/7/2023 -> N.Node in Aries/S.Node in Libra: love-war, Ares-Aphrodite, war between the feminine and the masculine. Fall of red pill and radical feminism, individual vs parrtnership.

Where Jupiter goes, Saturn follows. Dune, The Hermit energy. In the past few years with Jupiter in Pisces and Aries disillusionment was IN! Fights through screens (Aries), were just another day. Saturn clears the way after Jupiter's orgy. Dreams NEED a practical use (note from now : we have this whole hustling culture thing of set goals and be practical, we are basically trying to give structure to our dreams and create a step by step path to our vision). Example: astrology, NFTs and crypto, drugs, manifestation, art -> how are they contributing to our society and the betterment of it? Dissolving-then Forming-> identifying, dreaming-act/plan -> success. Only through the loss of individual power we realize we are nothing without a link to the rest of "life". Submitting to something greater/ fear (misty) of something destroying us or confronting external life. Sacrifice/Servitude. Who are you when stripped away from the world? (prison): stripped off the matrix/network, inner contemplation, power to serve to experience unity, science+spirituality meeting. loneliness + isolation = going deeper within,monk mode. developing a conscious ego. Information utilized/weaponized to help/guide the masses. Increasing consciousness and broadening the mind. We are realizing we are experiencing the "shadow" not the "idea" (Plato/Jung/archetypes)/Antigone-> divine law / human law/ loss of faith and search dor a new framework of values. Discipline in meditation, yoga driven towards God. Fight between atheism+spiritualism/nihilism+purpose. Turning inside because you lost faith, there you will find God and meaning. The form has outlived its usefulness -> conflict with the status quo and law. No church in the wild/godless. Saturn's death by Jupiter (taurus = structure).

Transformation of rules, social norms, ideas of humanity and how we use science+technology to manifest those ideas. Social + technological REVOLUTION. Renaissance. Turning to humanitarian, liberal arts/spreading knowledge-teaching. Astronomical discoveries, vaccines/antibiotics(shortages?), innovations in trade, change in the way religions and churches are structured as well as other organizations. More open. Blockchain. "Anonymity" but transparency. 48 laws of power, the prince. philosophy-> utilitarian/kant/pure reason. "how to maximize happiness for the majority. streamlined techniques. Pluto in Aquarius will bring the desire to reform. After 2044 these changes will be established. Everything will be brought to the surface. going deep and facing demons. PROMETHEUS MYTH , FIRE -> DARK SIDE OF TECH (note: AI). decentralised internet, open sourcing, energy. YOU CAN'T REACH GOD THROUGH TECHNOLOGY/CAN YOU? Grid failures+extreme weather. Internet cables connecting countries -> separation from WEB -> Who are we? power over...= domination / power with...= networks Pluto -> Πλούτος, abundance but can turn to greed -> eruption -> realizations. Society = individuals -> change= self change!

Society is going to turn its hopes, wishes , knowledge, resources and tech powers towards abundance and sustainability. Physical environment = abundance. I'm seeing a rise in holistic+cyclical approaches, natural medicine and art expression close to natural processes. Expect movement from big cities to the countryside and creation of luxury reatreats/hotels close to nature-sustainable.

source:thesirencult

[prettypinktulips]

Do you write for Thomas Hewitt? If yes can I have please Thomas Hewitt with male reader who works at a chainsaw store? Poor Tommy broke his chainsaw (mf is strong as fuck so he probably would) and Hoyt forced him to go alone to buy one, poor boy was so anxious and awkward but he saw a handsome man (male reader) and it's some love at first sight type shit.

The rest is up to you 👬

YES I LOVE TOM TOM ! THANK U SO MUCH FOR REQUEWSTSIGN ( the first fanfic ive written so no hate plz) Thomas swallowed hard as he looked up at the big scintillating sign in front of him. "CHAINSAW HOTSPOT", One of the "O's" were out, the flickering was hurting his eyes a little bit. He looked back forward and brought himself inside as he looked around, it was nothing like he expected. The place was really extensive despite of the small exterior. I wish he wouldn't have made me go by myself, he knows how bad I am with people. Thomas felt himself get rather excited when he started to notice all of the different selections of chainsaws there were. "You looking for something, handsome?" Y/N said with a soft smile and brought his fist to his cheek. Thomas gasped at the voice being spoken to him, he felt his heart skip a bit as he brought his attention towards Y/N. "Those chainsaws might be a little small for you.. you look like a big man." His e/c eyes shifted over to a different aisle as he raised his arm and pointed towards it. Thomas looked around for anyone behind him and then back at Y/N, he brought his hand up as he pointed towards himself. "Well, yes of course you! Who else would I be talking to?" Thomas got embarrassed as well as a bit flattered. Nobody has ever called him handsome, well except his mother.. which well was his mother why wouldn't she.

A quiet "Hm." fell past his lips, seems like it was the only thing that could come out. Thomas nodded and walked into the aisle where Y/N was pointing at, and he was right the chainsaws here were HUGE. Just the way he liked them. "What a strange fellow." Y/N mumbled off to himself and tilted his head back a little to keep his eyes on the brute, he crossed his arms. "Would you like me to help you find one?" Y/N stood up and headed over towards the black-haired male.

"I.." Thomas looked at the (shorter/taller) male in front of him and got flustered. Well now that Y/N was already in front of him there's no telling him to leave now. "Let's see what we got here.." Y/N slowly dropped down onto his knees and picked up one of the boxes, he rested it on his knees as he started to open it. "Here, try this one out for show," Thomas was a little nervous and held the chainsaw close, he stood back a bit and grabbed the wire as he yanked on it. The chainsaw had a little malfunction but that's why Thomas immediately fell in love with it, a smile crept across his lips. Nobody else could see it since he had his mask on.

But Y/N could tell by the way his eyes reacted. "So this one is taking to your liking?" Thomas jolted as if he forgotten the h/c haired man below him. Y/N started to stand up and looked (down/up) at the male. "You know, you're quite quiet. I don't mind it though, makes my job easier." Thomas felt relieved as he nodded to Y/N's previous question. "Alright, let's get you set up then." He followed behind Y/N to the counter and watched as the h/c haired male got behind the register. His eyes devoured the males looks, Thomas didn't know he was doing it.. it wasn't intentional. "See something you like?" Y/N said abruptly and it snapped Thomas back to reality.

"I..I wasn't.. trying to." Thomas looked down at himself felt ashamed, he tried to think of things so he could change the subject. This was so fucking embarrassing to the point it made him spill out a whole sentence. Y/N felt a little bad and gently laid a hand on Thomas' cheek, it immediately calmed him down. He didn't know why but it did. "At least take me out on a date first or precisely tell me your name!" Y/N teased. Thomas tensed up a bit as his face devolved into a bright red. He's never went a date because of his deformities. That's right, Y/N didn't know about them because he's been wearing the mask. He didn't know about the hideous figure underneath the mask. That's probably the only reason he was talking to him this way, because his face was hidden.

"Hm." Thomas brought his hand up to his mask and brought it down a bit, he looked to the side and then (up/down) at the male in front of him, expecting to get yelled at or even tyrannized like in the past. But all he saw was a smiling Y/N. "Your face is still a treasure to me, I wish you would've shown me sooner!" Y/N caressed some of the scars. It was final, Thomas has officially swooned over for Y/N. How could a man be this perfect? He doesn't care if they just met, he's really considering this dating thing after all. "C..Chainsaw.." He mumbled. Y/N had completely forgotten as he hurried to move his hand away.

"Sorry, let me get that for you." Y/N looked to the side at the counter and grabbed the chainsaw, he turned the box over and scanned the barcode. He smiled softly. "You know what, don't even worry about it. I'll pay for it." Thomas had a questioned look on his face. "Why..?" Y/N just giggled and took out his card, he swiped it on the swipey thing (idk what its called) and paid for it. "Our date should be enough to pay me back. Reminds me, you never told me your name, stranger!" Thomas felt himself going back to that awkward phase again. "It's.. Thomas." Y/N nodded and smiled. "I'm Y/N, nice to meet you." He handed the chainsaw to him. Thomas just stared at the chainsaw, he was beaming with happiness.

~~

(short story)

THE DATE. Thomas was well over nervous. Even nervous seemed like a too simple term to describe what he was feeling. All they were doing was going to the movies which he had to beg Y/N to do since he was already too nervous showing his face at a restaurant. He sat outside playing with the waistband of his jeans. All Y/N said was to wear something casual, but Thomas couldn't do that. Y/N didn't deserve casual. He decided he was going to wear the top of a suit and then jeans. The suit pants made him too uncomfortable, too busy in his own thoughts he hadn't noticed Y/N in front of him.

"Well, don't you look handsome?" Y/N smiled and laid a hand on the tie, he looked (up/down) at the black haired male. "You know you didn't have to go all out for me.. But I appreciate it." Y/N looked down at his watch for the time. Thomas felt his heart pounding out of his chest, it didn't matter if Y/N was wearing just a casual outfit he looked astounding. Even if he was just wearing a trash bag he could still make it look stylish. That's what Thomas thought anyways. They headed inside the theater. "It's really pretty in here.." Y/N looked to the side at the male and then noticed the mask, he frowned slightly. "It must've been really dark outside! I didn't know you were wearing your mask, Thomas.

"I.. just didn't.. want to embarrass you." Thomas hurried to look away, Y/N just giggled. "Embarrass me? What in God's name are you talking about?" Y/N brought them over to a dark corner and laid a hand on the mask, he pulled it off. "See, look at this pretty face of yours." Y/N leaned in a little as he laid his hand on the brute's cheek. "I would never be embarrassed of you, okay? You can't control your deformities, it's not your fault." Thomas was just about to speak when Y/N gave him a soft kiss on the lips. He was dumbfounded. He hesitated a little but eventually kissed the h/c haired guy back. This was the best night ever for him.

[cartierdreamx]

𝕯𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖔 𝕱𝖆𝖑𝖑 *3*

Hi my honey buns <333, I am so sorry for the wait, but here it is and I so hope you enjoy!! Just diving in further into Jenna’s character and r has a secret?????!!!, I am like half asleep right now so I have no idea what to say butt I will also mention, I will look over this ch properly with a full rested mind once I wake up LMFAO. I hope you enjoy and if you do, please consider reblogging, following, and commenting! Thank you all for your constant love and support! J <33

If you would like to be apart of a taglist so you know when the next chapter comes out, comment down below or let me know thru asks!! Also please make sure your tags are on, so I’m able to tag you🤎

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader

Warnings: the tiniest bit of angst, dark themes, swearing, mentions of weapons and violence and murder.

This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!  

*though my fics have real people, my fics are just for entertainment and far from reality*

FYI: JENNA IS G!P IN THIS FIC!!

~~

There was barely any times Jenna felt abandoned, hopeless, trapped, and there were even less times where Jenna felt this way about a woman, an ordinary citizen. Vulnerable was never a side she would welcome, it made her feel weak, an easy access for Gio, so when you came along, you were an anomaly, you were only supposed to be a one-night stand, she would never admit it but the heat of her heart upon talking to you melted the layer of ice she projects.

Oh, how she wishes she had never spoken to you, you would’ve been safe, if everything she cares for would be destroyed, if she had never spoken to you, crimson would have never painted her hands, your crimson, your blood spilt was a reminder this was all her fault.

But, would there have been more regret if she left you alone that night? There was barely any times Jenna felt vulnerable, but when she’s with you, that’s what she is, and tonight, she was more vulnerable than ever. Vulnerability wasn’t welcomed, but it encased every inch of her.

“Jen, you have to let go of her.” Viv sighs, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Jenna winces away, “NO, no, I can’t, I can’t, please, Viv.”

“Hun, I know you don’t want to, but we have to get her on this stretcher so Kaman can take of her.”

“I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER.” Now in a softer tone and as her tears fall, she repeats, “I was supposed to take care of her.”

Viv understood her feelings, she didn’t want to lose you either, and at the possibility of losing you, she couldn’t lose Jenna the same night, “Jenna, this isn’t your fault, you have to get that through your head.”

How she would give up anything in the world right now to see your seraphic smile again, she’d trade her throne, she’d take off her mafia crown and let the city fall into the hands of Gio Marcello if it meant your hands could caress her face once more. The weakened brunette, always so contumacious, never giving in, but she knew she had to, just this once, although, she was a great negotiator.

“Can I at least hold her in the stretcher?” There was always a fierceness in her eyes, Viv and Bruce knew that look all too well, but seeing her like this was different, the same knots in their backs that Jenna’s stubbornness caused were untied by her weakness, well in Jenna’s eyes, her weakness, but in reality, it was proof she’s just like any other citizen on the street, hurt and scared, in this moment, she wasn’t the most feared woman, wasn’t the crown heir to the Ortega family, she wasn’t a playboy, she wasn’t egotistical, she wasn’t arrogant, she was just Jenna.

“Oh, baby, I don’t thin-.”

“Of-course, you can Jenna, I just need to to be careful and still so I can take her vitals administer an IV.” Kaman, the head doctor of the towers, cuts in.

“I promise.”

As the two of you are whisked away into a nearby elevator, Viv and Bruce stay back, as much as they wanted to accompany their friends, they knew they had a job to do, they couldn’t let the family fall, not when Jenna needs them most, and so with unspoken words, the two of them knew exactly what to do. Bruce manning a team of soldiers, investigating what happened and who caused this mess, and Viv staying remote collecting intel from Bruce whilst trying to hold the integrity of the tower when their leader has fallen. Temporarily of course, hopefully.

~~

Ignorance is bliss is the saying, and Bruce so wanted to bathe in this bliss, the bliss where he doesn’t find out what happened to you, his demeanour paints itself as large rottweiler, physically, his brute strength would scare any normal human being away but, on the inside, he had a heart as strong as the winds on top of mountains.

For you, his heart welcomed you in, he won’t ever admit it to Jenna, only because she’d deny it, but when he senses Jenna truly cares for someone, his love and care automatically calls out for that same person. His overprotectiveness over you blames himself slightly for what happened, but not as much as Jenna did.

“Bruce, we found y/n’s blood and smashed up cameras from across the street and corners, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” His flat tone masking the fact he’s trying his best to hold everything. “Were you guys able to find anything else?”

“Right, and unfortunately not.”

Bruce sighs deeply with remorse, “shit, wait okay, okay, get the smashed cameras to Ammo in tech, she’s savvy with these things, it’s slim, but we have to try.”

One of his soldiers’ nods and the rest start collecting fragments of evidence alongside the actual cameras. “Hey Viv, we might have something, meet me on Ammo’s floor, she might be able to resurrect the SD card from the cameras.”

~~

As much as she wanted to stay, the force of her wanted to leave, Jenna held you for so long, but she got so lost in the pain, she forgot the copious amount of regret and guilt she’d feel when you woke up and saw her face, you told her you hate her, but did you mean it? Either way, she wanted nothing to do with these feelings, you’re better off waking up next to someone you love.

“Jenna?” Kaman, looks up from you after doing her regular check, “where are you going, sweetie, doctor intuition tells me she’ll be waking up soon.”

“Out.” Her body was shutting her heart down, her brain is in control now and maybe it should’ve stayed in control, not passing on the torch to her heart, a lot of regret wouldn’t have existed if that were the case. Jenna grits her teeth and lets out a breath through the minuscule gaps between, “I’m calling Solana, her best friend, she deserves to know what happened, and she,” now pointing at you with her forehead, eyebrows “she deserves someone else here.”

“You’re running away again, Jenna.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” Jenna bites back.

“Stay.”

“That’s not an option.” Jenna, now using a tone you’d only hear from a mother. Before Kaman could say anything else, the space between you and her had been closed off, and that wasn’t the only thing restrictive.

There was something about the night ambiance that always provided fresh air, each molecule of oxygen that raced through her body was pure, antonymous with the blood spilt over the years as a result of her hands.

Hello? Who is this?

Hi Solana, sorry for the late-night call but something happened, oh, it’s Jenna by the way.

Though it was over the phone, Jenna could feel Sol’s heart drop.

OH! Jenna, hi, Sol is fine by the way, is y/n okay? I’ve been trying to reach her, but I can’t seem to get a hold of her.

There was an accident… Can you come to the towers?

Fuck, okay, I’m on my way.

Once Sol walks into, Jenna is greeted with a heavy heart, yet a kind smile. “Is she okay?”

“She will be, she’s going to wake up soon, she’ll want you there, just head up to the floor marked with H.”

“Aren’t you coming with?”

At this very moment, something clouded the air, you couldn’t see it, feel it nor smell it but something in the air that made Jenna retain why she’s not going up with Sol, “she needs you, not me and plus, I have to do something.” That last line was a ramble, she didn’t have to do anything, not at this very moment, but she couldn’t go see you. Couldn’t or won’t?

Sol sighs and takes a step towards Jenna, “okay,” the mafia queen had never been easy to read, no one knew what went on inside of her, but tonight, Sol read her like a novel, but she didn’t want to push. “You know,” caressing Jenna’s hand “whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, Jenna, no one blames you.” Jenna didn’t have the courage to look at Sol in the eyes, all she could muster up was “y/n does.”

“I’ve known her for years, I share a soul with her, pun intended,” trying to make Jenna smile, but Sol is sure that joke flew over her head, “she doesn’t blame you.” Sol’s last attempt to console Jenna and try to convince her to come up but stubborn is Jenna’s middle name, so all she could give Sol was a headshake and a smile as the elevator doors close.

Maybe I should go to her. A constant thought that flooded Jenna’s mind but in the split second where she was about to press the button marked ‘H’ on the elevator, a text from Viv telling her to meet them on the tech floor came through, directing her finger towards the button marked ‘T’ instead.

Walking into the office, Jenna’s fist immediately clenches up at the sight of smashed up cameras with intricate wires tangled up within each other. “For the sake of everyone in the city, PLEASE tell me you’ve found something,” there was desperation in her tone, she wanted to throw the closest object across the room but the breath she takes seems to calm her down enough to hear her little posse out.

Like Alvin and the Chipmunks, Bruce, Viv, and Ammo avert their gaze from the screen to Jenna, “this right here is why you pay me six figures.” Ammo retorts, making Jenna giggle a bit, the first time a positive sound escaped her mouth since finding out you were hurt.

“Alright, no need to boast, especially when I make 10.” Jenna smirks and Ammo rolls her eyes.

“How’s y/n?” Viv says with concern.

“Ah, she’s great?” There was some hesitation when she answered, truthfully, she doesn’t know how you are, when she left you, you were stable, but she doesn’t know how you are. “I’m not really sure, Sol is up with her, and I got a text from Kaman that she woke up when I was on the way up.”

“And you’re not there?” Viv exclaims with such flash.

“She won’t want me there.”

Viv inflates her cheeks to the brim with air before letting out a huff, “Ammo, will you please pass me the magazine on your desk.” As no words were exchanged, Viv starts to roll up the paper and trains her eyes at Jenna, no one knew what was going to happen next.

“BAD, JENNA, BAD.” Viv screams as she knocks Jenna on the head with the magazine, at the same time, Jenna extends her arms above her head, flinching away at every hit as a way to protect herself.

“VIV?” Jenna squeals, “what was that for?” she then questions whilst Bruce and Ammo try so hard not to laugh as tears form in their eyes.

“That’s for being here, waltzing around like an idiot when you should be waltzing around like an idiot up there,” Viv pointer finger erects up, “you know, with y/n?”

“I just- she doesn’t, she hates? Aw for fucks sake, just show the video, stop lingering on me.” Jenna commands, not wanting to talk about her feelings, and definitely not wanting to talk about her feelings for you. What feelings? Does she even have feelings for you?

“Are you sure? It’s a bit, well you know.” Viv informs.

“How much blood have I washed from my hands?” Jenna bites back.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have feelings for said blood.” Viv points out, making Bruce and Ammo scoff out a laugh.

“What? I don’t have feelings for y/n!” Jenna starts getting all defensive and in unison just like the chipmunks, the group of three goes “mhmhm.”

“Ugh, whatever, just play the video.” As the video plays, Jenna watches what that night was like for you, in clear technicolour, how the man had followed you like a predator set on his prey. And as his palm lands on your face, she squirms, she doesn’t want to go on, she doesn’t want to see you like this. No amount of violence she had witnessed and caused could ever prepare her for what she was watching.

JENNA! JENNA! PLEASE, JENNA, PLEASE, JUST STOP!

The colour drained from Jenna’s face as quickly as the rage set in, once she heard the first syllable of her name, she knew you were calling out to her and it was all too much for her, there was water setting on her tongue, if she saw anymore, she was sure she’d throw up everywhere. Jenna rushes out the office, accidentally slamming the glass door behind her, drawing the attention of the other tech workers to her, but their gazes quickly returned to their screens as they realise who they were staring at.

“Jenna, are you okay?” Viv asks as she closes the door behind her, Jenna couldn’t hold eye contact with her, too scared that tears would start streaming down her face if she had seen the softness of Viv’s face; concerned for her dear friend.

“I’m fine.” The words just barely making it through her teeth.

“You’re not, and that’s okay, I just need you to tell me what’s going on through your head, this entire tower is your family, we can help.”

“She-” Jenna croaks, “she called for me, Vivica.” Using her full name, this indicated she was an even bigger mess than anyone anticipated, Jenna would use ‘Vivica’ when things got too serious, too overwhelming, and those times barely existed, Viv greeting her name like a stranger. “She called for me and I wasn’t there, I couldn’t save her.”

Placing a firm grip on both her shoulders, Viv comforts Jenna, “Jenna, look at me, there was nothing you could do in that moment to help her, get that through your thick skull.” Jenna huffs out a deep sigh, “but.” “No buts, stop blaming yourself, and you did save her, she’s alive because you took her in.” Viv reassures.

“Okay.” Jenna didn’t want to ‘okay’ this conversation, especially when she herself wasn’t okay. But that was all she could muster up at this moment.

“Okay. Now tell me what you need.”

“I need to find that man and kill him.” An ‘o’ shape forms Viv’s mouth, but she doesn’t know why she’s surprised, this was the most logical solution for Jenna. “No, not kill, that’d be giving him mercy, I want to hurt him so bad he wishes he was never born.” There was such fury in Jenna’s eyes, a fury no one had ever seen, not even Viv, but she understood, she shared that same fury, it was the same with Bruce, but Jenna held most of the fire, she conjured it.

“Okay, okay, that’s on brand, but before you go out and hunt him down and we feed you information, you should know, this wasn’t a random attack, the van that ended up picking him and her up, ultimately dropping her off at our feet was Marcello.”

“Gio did this?” The fire only growing stronger at the realisation that Gio was using you as a manipulation tactic to see her fall, to make her weak, vulnerable.

“Unfortunately, so he may be guarded.”

“He won’t, he’s a useless pawn to Gio, and I’m assuming he wasn’t supposed to hurt her that bad.”

~~

As Jenna heads down to the garage, everyone at their stations waiting to give Jenna information on Jameson’s whereabouts, Jenna ends up running into a frantic Sol. “Sol? Are you okay?”

“Jenna! Just the girl I was looking for, y/n’s awake, she’s doing great and she’s looking for you.” Jenna wishes she had never run into Sol, the guilt she buried about how she wasn’t there when you woke up was slowly making its way back up to the surface and that same feeling of saliva settling on her tongue was back again.

“I’m glad she’s doing better.”

“You’re not coming to see her?”

Before Jenna could answer, adding onto the guilt that harbours her, Sol had once more read Jenna and the twitch in her eyes, the pursed lips and the disconnected eye contact told her all she needed to know. “I wish you believed that this isn’t your fault.”

“Me too,” Jenna smiles at her, “later, when she’s well enough, I want her to recover in my penthouse, I’ll have people set up the guest bedroom, it’ll give me peace of mind that she’s here with m-, with uh, you know protection.”

Sol tries to hide her smirk at Jenna’s slight mistake where she was supposed to say ‘me,’ where she wanted to say ‘me,’ “that’s very sweet of you, it’ll give me some peace of mind too.”

“If you want, I can have another room set up for you?” Jenna kindly offers.

“OH, no, that’s very sweet, but I don’t want to intrude, and plus I have a business to run and I’m not in any danger, thank you though.”

“Of-course, just let me know if you change your mind, and the only thing that poses a danger to you is TMZ stealing your work.” Jenna winks, making Sol laugh, before heading towards her personal garage, separate the the tower’s garage.

Which car today? She thinks to herself, “take the GT3, perfect for a 1am cruise, we can see you wallowing in indecisiveness, this is a problem only you’d have by the way.” Viv speaks, coming from Jenna’s ear piece.

“Heh, you’re right the irish green GT3 is perfect for a 1am cruise, though this won’t be a cruise, more like sweet, sweet revenge.”

“Yuck, never say that again, this isn’t a movie.”

“Hmm, kinda is, but maybe more like a book.”

~~

As you wait for Sol to get back from her little quest, you can’t help but wonder if it’ll just be Sol walking through the doors or will Jenna accompany her. Despite being beaten to a pulp, you remembered everything, you’ve always had a stellar memory and despite all the hurt and pain, there was something about the warmth Jenna encased you in whilst in your arms that washed away the pain, each beat of your heart was in sync with hers and for once she wasn’t the most feared woman in America, she was Jenna.

Just Jenna, with the ability to be vulnerable like everybody else. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, waking up to the lack of her warmth ached you, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t grateful and relieved to see Sol by your side, but deep down your heart longed to be in sync with hers again.

“Hi, my sweet one.”

“Sol!” And only Sol walked through the doors, leaving you deflated, not realising you displayed your disappointment for Sol to see.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise, it’s okay, I just thought, never mind, it’s stupid.”

“It really isn’t y/n.” Sol takes a seat by your leg on your bed.

“I just want to thank her.”

“She knows you’re thankful, what you really want is her, or do you still hate her?” Sol teases.

You hmph, “I don’t want her.” Is that a lie, y/n? “And I don’t necessarily hate her.”

“Hm, okay, whatever makes you sleep at night, however, if you don’t hate her, why’d you tell her otherwise?”

“You heard about that?”

“Whole tower at this point.”

“I feel like this is karma for being a journalist,” you two share a laugh, taking a deep breath, you confess, “when I ran into her at the mall, she had told me to tell her that I hate her, if I told her that, she would leave me alone, when I told her I hate her, I didn’t mean it in a spiteful way, I meant it in a I don’t want to be a burden to you way, because I knew she would stop at nothing to hurt whoever did this to me, I couldn’t let her get hurt on behalf of me, get hurt in general.”

Viv and Bruce heard all of that through the door so when they walk in, Viv couldn’t help but make a remark, “aw, you do care about her.”

Your face lights up at the sight of your friends, “unfortunately,” you joke.

“How’re ya doing kid?” Bruce speaks first, which surprises everyone in the room.

“I’m doing better, you?”

“I’m not the one who got hurt.”

“Not physically.” Your statement makes Bruce bow his head down a bit, confirming your words to be true.

“I’ll be okay.” He smiles.

“Viv?”

“I’ll be okay too, I’m just glad you’re doing better.” She walks up to you and gives you a tight squeeze.

“OH!” You remember that there was a high possibility Sol and the other two have never met before, “this is Sol, my everything.” Sol smiles and holds your hand.

“Yes, hi, hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Viv sticks out her hand and Sol gracefully accepts.

“Please, pleasure’s all mine, thank you for taking care of her.” Sol giggles at her, “and nice to meet you too, uh?” She turns to Bruce.

Bruce tips his head at her like a mini curtsy, a gentleman he is, “Bruce, ma’am.” Another smile from Sol.

“I don’t mean to interrupt introductions here, but is Jenna around?” You gather up the courage to ask.

“She’s on her way back to the towers.” Viv answers.

“From where?”

“I’ll leave that to her to explain.”

“But let’s not focus on her right now.” Easier said than done. “Jenna is offering you a guest bedroom upstairs to recover in, and trust me, this room may be amazing, but nothing compares to her penthouse.”

“That’s very generous of her, and yeah, whew, her penthouse is something else, she’ll be back soon, right?”

“I’m sure of it.” Viv reassures.

~~

Despite her small stature, Jenna was incredibly strong, evident as she drags a 6ft tall, unconscious man into the elevator as they head towards the dark rooms of the tower, underneath the city, where if Jenna wanted something from an individual, she’d get it.

As they reach the one of the underground levels, the elevator door opens and Jenna is greeted by Viv and Bruce, they wanted to bring a few soldiers, but Jenna insisted this had to be done privately, there was something poetic about her doing this where no one could hear his screams, the same way no one heard yours.

“Here Bruce, take him and tie him down to the chair and wake him up.” Jenna commands, the fury she once welcomed in, back and angrier than ever.

Once Jameson wakes up, his eyes are met with a fiery brown. “Speak.” He laughs at her attempt to be intimidating, “Oh? We’re laughing I see, let’s see if those teeth will still be there when you laugh after I’m done with you.” Jenna balls up her fist and with so much might, punches him in the jaw, knocking him to the side a bit, immediately drawing blood out of his nose and gums.

“That all you got?” He challenges, “I made your little pet scream more.” That was it, that was Jenna’s last straw, no one knows what possessed her, but no one was mad about it, she claw gripped his throat, throwing punches at every part of his face, his blood splattering all over the place, painting Jenna’s white button up, the first 3 buttons now undone from the roughness she delivered.

And with every grin, laugh, snarky remark Jameson displays, Jenna’s punches got harder, one punch being so hard, he falls backwards taking Jenna down with him. Jameson was strong but Jenna was stronger, “Gio was right, y/n does have you wrapped around her finger.”

With one final blow, she nearly renders him unconscious, as she leaps up from him, Jenna mumbles “you don’t get to say her name.”

“Calm down, tiger,” he mutters as the blood pools up in his mouth, spitting it out he continues “she’s not who you think she is, not the angel you see her as.”

Having had enough, she gives him one last hurt, a kick to his ribs, almost promising she broke it as she heard something crack, swiftly followed by a blood curdling scream. “Take him away, deliver him back to Gio but make him crawl his way to him.” With no hesitation, Bruce unties him and drags him away, at Jenna’s side, Viv hands her sanitizing products to clean the blood off her hands, “go, y/n needs you, I can clean this up.” Like Bruce, Jenna leaves with no hesitation, she was a full-blown storm and she needed you to calm her waters down.

~~

Though it was nearly 3am, you had no interest in sleep, instead, you were lost in the silence of the penthouse, being so high up the business of the streets beneath you could not be heard. You thought about the last time you were here, the only time you had been here, before tonight, maybe you were a bit harsh, maybe she deserved it.

As you think about what might’ve happened if you didn’t reject Jenna’s advances, the silence around you allows you to hear an elevator coming up, hopping up quickly, to the best of your ability, you breathe through the stinging pain from your healing body and head out.

“Jenna?” You see a beaten-up Jenna staring at you, fresh from the elevator, only making a couple steps into her penthouse. Though she looked beaten up, the undone buttons, blood splatter all over her shirt, untuck and ruffled up, you knew she wasn’t the one who took the pain, rather, she was the one who gave it. “Jenna?” You say again, hoping this time, your voice would knock her out of her dissociative trance.

“Y/n.” Was all she could mutter out.

You walk closer to her, being inches away from her face, body warmth radiating, your hearts in sync once more, you get déjà vu as this replicates the first night you met her, something about her brown eyes gazing into your soul, as if she were reading every atom in you to know you. “Y/n.” Jenna jolts awake, “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t see me like this.” But before she could turn and leave, you grab her wrist stopping her.

“Stay with me, I don’t want you to leave.”

She slowly grazes her face to yours, her eyes now closed and so are yours, both noses hug each other like a puzzle piece, the speed of your heart now rising to a point you swear it was going to electrocute the both of you from all that static rush, but what Jenna says next would stop your heart.

“Kiss me.”

~~

a/n: did anyone catch the slight 4th wall break and the cigarettes after sex reference hehe. GOODNIGHT OMG IT’S 7AM😭🫶🏽 also smut in ch4 instead of 3 won by like 1 vote 💀

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